#'HAHAHA' its hohoho

[baylardian-1]

Q Junior be like: *Evolves your Janeway*

[hopeluna-archived]

Obey Me! Characters reacting to them walking on you changing

Obey Me! Side characters x GN!reader

Genre: crack?

Warnings: suggestive, strong language cause its me, my broken humour, i've had like 7 cups of coffee

The brothers

M.list

Diavolo

Alright lets see how you got in this scenario, shall we?

You were staying in the Demon Lord's castle for the night for a sleepover cause Dia insisted and come on who can say no to him?

You two planned to watch movies all night

Barbatos didn't like it at all

But you see Diavolo is a very busy person, so just before your sleepover began he had it take care of some paperwork.

So while he is working in his office for a little while, you decided to change in his room

What could go wrong? He wasn't gonna be back for a while right?

Hahaha wrong

So you're there, changing

Thinking that Diavolo is working

But noooo

In bursts this bright ray of sunshine aka Diavolo

And you're just frozen there in shock, half naked

Diavolo doesn't even realize your state at first, he's just rambling on how fun this sleepover will be

Once he does, oh hohoho

Why did I turn into Santa Claus?

He's flustered, flabbargasted, shocked, whips the other way so fast-

Waits for you to change while he apologises for barging in, feeling his face flush

After you're done changing, give him a second please

After a moment, he totally teases you about it

Like he wasn't the one who was dying from blushing

Barbatos

Now you see, usually Barbatos would know if you were changing cause of the you know, time thingy

And even if he didn't, he knocks. Always

Unfortunately today was a particularly busy day for him, running around assisting Diavolo and he had more paperwork to look at than usual

So now he just wants to go to his room and get some rest

Now what he doesn't know is that you were there in his room, in hopes of surprising him

You know? Make him some tea to de-stress and maybe other ways to relax him

But here is the thing, you come here so often that half of your clothes are in Barbatos' room

So you thought, i'm gonna be here for a while why not get comfortable?

So you decide to change into something more comfortable

I would say bad timing

'Cause the moment you take off your clothes, behold the butler opens the door

You're blushing

He's blushing

Its probably the hot weather haha

Barbatos immediately turns around, apoligising even though he didn't know you were even here

And you're changing, apoligising for not telling him you were going to be here

Barbatos doesn't really make a big deal out of it but he will occasionally blush thinking back to it

Always checks before he opens doors now

Simeon

Well this is gonna be interesting

So lets first set up how this happened

So you were at purgatory hall, making potions with our local 1000+ year old harry potter, when he "accidentally" slipped and dropped shit on your clothes

After wacking Solomon in the head, you headed for Simeon's room

You had some of your clothes in Simeon's room from when you stayed over so there you were changing in his room as he was out running some errands

So as he came back, walked in his room, saw you in your underwear, he turned off

His soul left his body, mf started praying i swear

As soon as he comes to his senses, immediately turns around, stuttering out an apology

Now you're scrambling to put on some clothes, saying that is wasn't his fault, he didn't know you were here

Once you're done changing, he turns around not knowing what to say in his flustered state

So you two are just standing there like 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️

It takes Solomon to call you to break the awkward silence between you

Its fair to say Simeon wasn't the same for a few weeks

But he finally came over his flustered state, and now he just chuckles thinking back to it with a light coat of blush

Solomon

Ah yes our favourite shady magic grandpa

Alright lets get to it

You're at purgatory hall, staying the night there so you're changing into something comfy cause Luke decided that you all would watch some movies before bed and how could you say no to him?

Solomon....knew

I just know that he knew you were changing but decided to walk in the room anyway cause he knew you would get flustered

He is a little shit, but he's your little shit

So you're changing, you know? Minding your own shit

And in bursts this motherfucker

And you screech, cause it scared the crap out of you

Now you're screaming at Solomon to get out while you're trying to cover yourself up

He's on the floor wheezing

Simeon and Luke come running to see if you're alright

Now you're screaming more cause Luke is gonna see you half naked

This causes Solomon to wheeze more

For a second, you were scared gramps was having a heart attack

Simeon being the life saver he is, understands the situation and quickly coaxes Luke away from the chaos while shielding his eyes

Solomon had to make it up to you when you weren't talking with him for that stunt

───────────

Tags: @jaidenisasimp

Comments and reblogs are appreciated!! Do not repost or claim as yours though, its not cool.

[chaosprinceundivided]

The First Crusade

“Gracious Bolleumon!” The guttural call from one of his exalted champions gave the Great Unclean One a momentary gasp from his most delicate meal. The squirming of man-worms trying to escape his leathery grasp whilst the ghastly daemon looked down at the armoured man in question. The lipless smile of black teeth clenching as thick pus of blood rolled down his jaw onto his rotting shroud. The Lore of Death shaping the daemon more noticeably in his lack...bountiful obesity that most of his brothers have. “Yes, dearest Malarax?” 

The eyeless sockets glown with shyish witch-fire, giving the barest hint of infested brainmatter behind them as if it truly mattered to the great creature of the Rot-Lord. “The rot-fliers have brought news, the Bretonnians come in grander numbers than ours. Brotherhood of knights leading their peasants to mean to halt our advance towards the accursed elves.” However, this news didn’t bring the expected effect from Bolleumon. 

Bollumon, the Warden of the Sarl Coast, smiled even more as he bubbled a burst of dark laughter. “Hohoho oh, what wondrous news! I was in need of plentiful ingredients. A plague worthy of our conquest. Praise the Grandfather, for he provides hahaha! Prepare your warbands, and inform Beloved-Cousin Headborn. This will bring light onto his dour mood, yes?” In the question, he threw his head back and let the shrill-screaming mutants fall into his long toothy tongue and jaws.

The general's nurglite camp was a circus of apothecaries, tents and great gatherings around cauldrons carried by wagons and platforms with the tallybands of daemons and blight-maddened, constantly oozing with flies and disease-shriveling animals following in a brain-death they aren't even aware of.

Beyond his commanding presence resting on the murky coast of Bretonnia, the Khornate regiment of the Howling Mountain was preparing the next incursion after fighting the vampiric defenders of Mousillon under the guise of valiant knights. Khreidon Headborn, Bloodreaper under the Death-Wyrm banner, stalked over the corpse of his newest challenger. The daemon glutton of iron-cored muscles and a sullen face of constantly sneering fangs, eyes wide of burning intensity.

The headless body of the whelp-champion was forgotten the moment it fell, a mortal cultist lifting the severed head up to glorify the reaper's presence before the howling chaos warriors. Their praises meant nothing, their screams and skulls to be apart of the pile inevitably. Khreidon felt his scaled hide itch, there were parasites feeding on his eternal rage and someone popped from underneath. A perversion of the Nurglish daemons trying to cultivate a fine plague from his very essence and unleash a blood-virus that will throw the entire region into a madness seeking nothing but violence.

If it wasn't for its lacking honesty, Khreidon almost applaud the Unclean One. Then he halted. Something was moving. More than something. Hundreds. Perhaps thousands? The prospect stirred something in the daemon and his kindred felt.

"A earthquake?" A marauder question. "No, mortal..." Khreidon growled with a growing smile, hand grasping tighter on his hellblade. "War."

[unlikelylively]

today i give you revamped drafts from april 2021. tomorrow? who knows

[ruffled-serpent]

Lowkey hate having to sequester posts in my queue bc it's like I'm giving y'all a surprise present and keeping it a secret is killing me inside

[wanyinchen]

Presenting the First Hero of Yunmeng and the Pearl of GusuLan!

It's about time I drew the almighty galaxy brain idea of Xicheng! Sect Swap AU. Ahhh I’m so late to the sect swap train 😭🚂🚂! In my version of the AU, it's a whole generation sect swap between the Jiang and the Lans. There is Jiang Xichen and Jiang Wangji, while there is also Lan Wanyin and Lan Yanli. I’m not sure where should I put Wei Wuxian though🤔🤔 (I suppose you could convince me in the comments hohoho👀👀) OH GOD, THIS IS SO SELF-INDULGENT HAHAHA. If there are any cultural inaccuracies, please let me know! This is just a half-baked AU HAHAHA

Anyway, in my version, I had Qingheng-Jun and the Rat-shit—I mean Jiang Fengmian, exchange wives.

Qingheng-Jun fell in love with Yu Ziyuan when she saved his ass in a nighthunt. And Yu Ziyuan also fell in love much more gradually as she can't resist the persistent and patient wooing of Lan-zongzhu. There was no incident or scandal. Just one big happy family of a girlboss and her simp of a husband, and two very beautiful precious children. Also, there is the doting LQR who spoils his niece and nephew, though he denies it vehemently every time someone calls him out on it.

The Lan family has decided to have both of the Lan siblings crowned as the Sect Heirs. The Lan Sect has decided to have a dual-ruling governing system in place for this generation, as it is for the best. The soft yet firm, kind, empathetic, and diplomatic Lan Yanli and the logical, strategic, shrewd, sharp Lan Wanyin together are virtually unstoppable. And the siblings are very much content and happy with this arrangement. They are known as the Magnolia of GusuLan, and the Pearl of GusuLan respectively.

(Note: Furen means Lady or Madame, or something along those lines. So, Lady/Madame Jiang. Its not a name)

Meanwhile, the not-so-happy Jiang Family, Jiang Furen was forced into a political marriage with JFM (sorry, Ma'am). Jiang Furen was a daughter of an influential minor sect who wanted to be a rogue cultivator in her own right and to get away from her oppressive father. But alas, (I'm so sorry again, ma'am) she was strongarmed into this marriage. She bore two beautiful boys with her family's brown golden eyes, opposed to the greys and blues of the Jiang lineage. These beautiful boys are the loves and lights of her empty life—even though their father doesn't seem to pay special attention to his own children. She cares not. As long as they will never doubt her love, then she is content.

There was no love in the Jiang marriage, as JFM was pathetically pining around for Cangse Sanren. JFM liked his wife well enough, she was fairly softer and actually knows how to hold her tongue more than *that* Yu Ziyuan, who was his first would-be-betrothed. Yes, definitely Jiang Furen was the better prospect.

Oh, how we desperately wished for his beloved Sanren to be his wife!

Well, he supposed he likes his sons well enough also. They were bright young men who excelled in the Jiang forms and cultivation style at a very early age. Yes, very worthy as the heirs of the Jiang Lotus Throne. Though he definitely likes amiable A-Huan more than the distant A-Zhan.  

But— he has heard that Cangse Sanren had a son with Wei-xiong. He wonders what his name is. How old he is. How he laughs (though he is sure that it would be a mirror of Sanren's tinkling bell laughter). How he talks—would he be like Sanren's bubbly chatter or have Changze's thoughtful diction? What he looks like.—does he have Sanren's dark midnight eyes or Changze's grey? Or what are his hobbies? What is his favorite food?

He already loves Sanren's child who is surely as bright and beautiful as her.

.

.

Soooo, I have some half-baked doodles of this AU in the abyss that are my WIPs. I shall finish it soon enough during my Xmas break. I think.

[ordinaryschmuck]

Kikimora learns that tickling is annoying to some people so she uses a tickle spell ( if they exist) to annoy hunter

To DIE of Laughter!

Hunter looked right into the mirror on his vanity.

"You are the Golden Gaurd," He said to his reflection, "You are the best soldier that your uncle has. You are brilliant, strong, and, might I say, devilishly handsome."

He winked at the mirror.

"Today's just another day. You've got this...Man, the Coven's therapist was right. Self-reassurance does do wonders for security."

Taking his helmet, Hunter put it right onto his head.

"Welp, time to do my uncle's bidding," He said to himself. Hunter then walked to grab his artificial staff leaning on the bedroom door frame and opened his door to leave. Only to be met with Kikimora, looking up at him with cockiness in her eyes.

"...Kiki," he nodded.

"Golden Guard," Kikimora nodded back.

"...What are you doing waiting outside my door like a creep?"

"I've been waiting for you."

"Oh, how flattering," Hunter said, using his staff to levitate Kikimora into the air and toss her away like a ragdoll. Exiting his bedroom, Hunter shut the door behind him and walked down the brick corridor, a skip in his step as he did. It didn't take long for Kikimora to angrily waddle right on up behind him.

"Just for that, the amount of misery I am going to put upon you will now be doubled!" she shrieked.

"Doubled?" Hunter asked with mock fear, "Oh, well, shoot. NOW I'm worried."

"Oh, sure, laugh it up, GoLdEn GuArD!" Kikimora growled, "Because, after today, you will finally learn to treat me with the respect that I so righteously deserve!"

"Hey-hey! You finally learned how to make a joke! Good on you, Kiki."

"Tripled!" Kikimora glared at him. "Your torment will be tripled!"

"Ok, look, Kiki," Hunter stopped his walk to look down upon Kikimora. "This whole back and forth thing between us is cute and all, but I think it's time we stopped. You see, my therapist said I should cut out any unhealthy relationships in my life, and while they didn't explicitly say who, I have a feeling it's you they were talking about. So..."

He sighed, getting down on one knee and placing a hand on the demon's shoulder.

"I'm afraid that this is going to be our last conversation. Ever. Meaning that neither of us should talk to each other until the end of time. You understand, right?"

Kikimora gave him a flat look.

"I thought you would," Hunter then patted her on the shoulder, getting up and ready to leave. "Thanks for being cool about it. Now, if you don't excuse me, I have to go see Belos and have him give me my latest orders. See you never."

"Before you go," Kikimora said, "I wish to show you one a new spell I learned."

"Sure, go ahead," Hunter said with a shrug, "It's not like you can do much. Belos will annihilate you if you try to kill, let alone hurt me."

"Oh, trust me. It won't kill."

Kikimora then drew a spell circle. At its completion, a pink aura overwashed Hunter.

"...Wow. You made me look more fabulous than I already am," Hunter noted, "Thanks for wasting more of my time, now I'm going to--"

But right as he was about to turn and leave, Hunter froze as a certain sensation started taking over.

"...Heh...heh-heh. Haha. Hahahaha! AH-HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Hunter buckled over, howling with laughter as Kikimora now stood over him, her expression that of triumph.

"WHA--WHAT--HAHA--WHAT IS HA-HAPPENING TO ME!" Hunter shrieked between his laughter.

"Did you know, GoLdEn GuArD, that people find it really annoying to be tickled?" Kikimora asked, already knowing the answer. "When I found that out, guess what I did."

Hunter responded with more laughter.

"That's right," Kikimora beamed with pride, "I have found the ever so torturous tickle spell!"

"THAT IS--HAHAHA--THE DUMBEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD! MAKE IT STOP--HAHA!"

"Never. I'll never make it stop. Not until you give me respect!"

"OH--HOHOHO-OVER MY DEAD BODY!"

"Very well," Kikimora resigned, "Then I'll leave you like this, chortling with forced glee as the tickle spell overwhelms you. Chokes you. Making you literally die with laughter--"

Hunter then kicked Kikimora in the face, having so much force behind the strike that it caused her to go out like a light as she flumped to the floor. And the second Kikimora passed out, the spell ended, and Hunter was left breathing heavily on the floor.

"Cripes, that was annoying!" he shouted to himself, getting off the floor and brushing the dirt off his cape. "Gaurd!"

At his command, a coven guard had then ran up and gave a salute.

"Yes, sir?"

"Take Kikimora away to the dungeon," Hunter ordered, "I want you to pull out a memory of her learning the tickling spell and then burn it."

"But, sir, won't that cause incomprehensible brain damage?"

Hunter didn't say anything. He just stood there and looked at the guard.

"...Sir?"

Hunter still didn't say anything.

And never did as he walked right past the guard.

"...Uh...on it, sir!"

[camthesolemnone]

Hi, I have like, 4 more ideas that came to me while I was at work, so #1: horror movie. Medic and Heacy are in their cottage, and have just watched a horror movie of some kind before they go to bed, right? Yeah. BUT! As they get ready, something odd happens that sets them both on edge (turns out it's just one of the birds or something) but they end up scarred and not wanting to go to sleep

I changed this one a bit but the main idea remains in-tact. I’m sorry that this took so long to get out and that the ending is kinda shitty. I’m working on the other prompts you sent me alongside this one! Also, I don’t know if you saw the pinned message or not but requests are now closed, so please hold off on sending any more.

"Is leetle Scout asleep as well?" Heavy asked, sitting comfortably on the rec room couch.

Medic nodded and reached for the VHS tape sitting on the glass table in the middle of the room. A tiny smile graced the Russian's features.

"Is good, we have television all to our selves!"

"Ja, and don't expect to sleep tonight, Mikhail! Herr Engineer told me that this is one of the scariest movies he’s ever seen," Ludwig replied, holding up the tape for his partner to see.

Written across the label in black sharpie was the simple word, 'Halloween.' The label should have been difficult to read in the dark, but the Russian noticed how it almost seemed to radiate a burgundy light...must have been some crazy glow-in-the-dark marker Engineer had invented, he concluded. Heavy crossed his arms triumphantly and laughed.

"Do not count on it, Doktor! Heavy is not phased by baby horror films!”

“Oh, we’ll see about that!”

A moment of time was spent struggling to find out which remote went to which device, but eventually, the pair got the movie inside the VHS player and smiled excitedly as color flooded the screen. Ludwig left the room briefly to make popcorn and plopped down on the couch next to his lover to click “Play” on the title screen upon his return.

“If Doktor gets scared, you can hold onto me~” Mikhail teased, and Ludwig shoved his shoulder.

“Are you sure you’re 45 years old, liebe? Because right now, you sound like a lovestruck teenager!” The doctor shot, handing him the popcorn bowl.

“Well...” Heavy began, settling a massive arm around Medic’s shoulders, “One part of that statement is correct.”

.

Unsurprisingly, Heavy was correct about being immune to the movie’s horrors. Then again, Medic was also not affected by the film, so they took more pleasure in the plot and the acting then the actual scary moments. 

Of course, Ludwig grew giddy when gore was involved.

“Hohoho! Look at all of that blood! If I was the killer in this scenario, I would collect it for future use,” he commented.

Heavy raised a questioning eyebrow and attempted to distract himself with the popcorn, but he soon came to the realization that there was nothing left but kernels. His German companion took to removing the bucket from his grasp and standing up.

“I need to use the bathroom, so I’ll take this back on the way,” the doctor stated, and the heavy weapons specialist nodded in response.

Mikhail was left all alone with the intensifying film in the dimly lit room. He would never admit it, but now that Ludwig was gone, he felt smaller. It wasn’t a feeling of fear but of slight unease; things would likely be alright for Heavy, but there was always a shred of uncertainty.

As time passed and the movie reached its climax, Heavy became more and more enthralled with the action, to the point where he forgot about Medic’s absence. His eyes were fixated on the glowing screen, his hands gripped tightly at the wool blanket surrounding him. Mikhail fell deep into the world of gruesome fantasy, and as a consequence, he nearly shot out of his seat at the sound of rapid footsteps and whisper-shouting coming from down the hall.

“Heavy! Oi, big guy!” Demoman said, urgency in his tone.

The Russian let his blanket drop to the floor and stared at the demolitions expert with confusion and anxiousness. The Scot all but captured his arm with both of his own and began dragging him down the hall as best as he could.

“Slow down, Tavish. What is this about?” Mikhail asked.

Demo turned his gaze back to his teammate.

“The Doc ‘s dead in the cludgie!”

Heavy’s eyes widened with shock, emotional pain, and fury towards whoever had committed such an act. Sure, Medic would respawn, but whoever had laid a finger on his beloved doctor was in for a beatdown. Unless it was an accident, in which case Mikhail would scold the German about being reckless.

The pair burst through the door to the community showers and the Russian nearly gasped at the sight. Ludwig laid unmoving in the center of the room with blood staining the front of his lab coat and the ground surrounding him. There was no weapon to be found, but in the corner of the room, with his back towards the door, sat a curled up, trembling, mumbling Scout.

Mikhail’s first thought was that Jeremy had committed this grisly murder, but Tavish put a hand out in front of his chest before he could progress. The Russian opted for whispering Medic’s name as a substitute.

“Scout! What the hell happened here!” Demo cried.

The young runner didn’t reply. He continued to rock back and forth, murmuring and wrapping his arms around himself. The Scot approached him cautiously, taking a calm, more concerned approach. Heavy followed.

“Aye, are you alright, mate?”

Demo reached out to put a hand on Scout’s shoulder, and a series of rapid events unfolded.

Scout’s entire body whipped around and stood up, and the Bostonian let out a high pitched, almost demonic screech. In his left hand was a knife stained in blood, Medic’s blood, and Heavy and Demo exhibited two very different reactions.

Demoman yelped and jumped back, going into flight mode. The massive Russian on the other hand, fearful for the lives of himself and his friend, took a strong step forward and lashed out at Jeremy’s face. One square punch to the jaw was enough to send the man flying across the communal bathroom and into the wall. He slumped over after the hit, out cold.

“What in the-! It was almost like that boy was possessed!” Demo shouted.

When Mikhail and Tavish’s hurried breathing finally began to slow, a new sound rang throughout the room: laughter.

Medic was rolling on the floor alive and well, laughing his ass off and further soiling his labcoat. Heavy gasped out a “Doktor!” at the man’s sudden revival while Demoman stood frozen.

“Hahaha! I can’t believe it! I just thought I’d have a bit of fun scaring you, liebe, but watching you knock out Scout was far more amusing!” The doctor exclaimed, rolling on his stomach and propping himself up on his elbows like a teenage girl lying on her bed while talking to a friend over the phone.

Demoman was the first to flare up.

“What?! So you’re saying this was all a prank?! You’re sick in the head, Medic!”

The Scot was tempted to slap him silly, but with Heavy in the room, that clearly wasn’t an option. With another frustrated grunt, he stomped off and back to bed.

Now it was Heavy’s turn.

“That was not funny, Ludwig! Heavy thought you were dead!” He scowled.

The doctor hauled himself off the ground and stood up straight, wiping some of the fake(?) blood on his hands off onto his lab coat.

“What’s there to worry about? Even if I had been stabbed, I would have just respawned, Mikhail.”

“I know, but...”

Medic’s expression dropped. His love had one massive paw gripping his opposite forearm and his face was distraught. He looked smaller, scared almost, and a tiny crack situated itself in the German’s heart. If he had known such an act would hurt Heavy so deeply, he wouldn’t have even thought about going through with it. There was also the issue of Scout. Ludwig relished the sight of the cocky, annoying Boston boy being beat up, but for once, he regretted roping him into his plans. The runner had been all too willing to help him with the scare, and Medic repaid him with his bear’s violence.

He sighed and shook his head at himself internally. Yes, his prank hadn’t been very rational, he concluded.

With slow, apologetic steps, Medic approached his partner and wrapped his arms around him gently, rubbing his broad back with one hand.

“Es tut mir leid, Heavy. This was all very foolish of me,” he admitted.

Heavy returned the embrace and buried his nose into his doctor’s hair, which smelled of blood and autumn leaves.

“You know it is because I do not like seeing you hurt, moya lyubov. Every time evil Spy kills you on battlefield, my blood boils. Would sacrifice myself a million times to keep you safe,” he murmured, and Ludwig’s heart cracked a little more.

His arms tightened around the giant with increased guilt. It pained him profoundly to see Mikhail die too.

 “I love you, Heavy. From the bottom of my soul, I am truly sorry.”

The Russian moved one hand from the smaller man’s waist to cup his cheek protectively.

“I love you too, Doktor, but please, do not play with death. Someday, we will not get another life.”

.

The credits of the movie had long concluded by the time the two of them returned to the rec room. Medic was rather disappointed that he had missed the latter half of the film, but what made up for it was a soft kiss to his forehead and a set of teasing words given to him by his lover before being sent off to sleep.

“Next time, we watch psychological thriller, da? Less gore will give you less dangerous ideas,” Mikhail suggested, patting a hand on Ludwig’s shoulder.

The doctor laughed and gave him a sly smile that warded off his fears, allowed him to breathe normally again. He was still alive.

“I like the sound of that, but you’re making the popcorn!”

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers Zero Vol. 12 Azusa Mukami [Track 2]

Original title: 鋭利な切っ先

Source: Diabolik Lovers Zero Vol. 12 Azusa Mukami [CD not owned by me]

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Kishio Daisuke

Translator’s note: In the other Zero CDs, it really did feel as if the boys were fighting ‘themselves’ because the voices were almost exactly the same aside from a slightly echo added to the ‘fake’ version. However, Azusa sounds so different when he’s actually talking normal/upbeat, it feels like his enemy is an entirely different person instead. xD I actually really like his normal voice too, especially all the little giggles and noises he makes. It’s a shame he never talks like that in the main series. 

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

Track 2: A Sharp Point

*Rustle*

“Ah...Woah...That startled me...This is my first time...seeing a painting step out of its canvas...Also he looks...just like me...”

( Ehe~ Do I? Fufu~ What a relief. I figured you’d get mad at me for borrowing your appearance without permission. )

Your eyes widen in shock. 

( Ah~ I wonder if I spooked the lady over there? You could say I’m the manager of this place! I don’t have a physical body, so if I don’t do this, I can’t even talk to you guys. )

“A manager without...a physical body...Ah! M-My sincere apologies for entering this place...without asking. I accidentally dropped these drawings earlier as well...”

( Ahー Those sketches are amongst my personal favorites, so I was sad to see them being knocked over onto the floor. However, I happen to be in an excellent mood right now, so it’s all good. It’s been a while since we had visitors after all. On top of that...What a lovely scent. I’m sure you’ll make for an excellent meal. )

“...Eh?”

You flinch.

( Ah...Did I make you worried? Rest assured, she won’t be the only one, I’ll make sure you suffer the same fate. )

“W-What do you mean...? Are you going to...eat us?”

( Yeah, that’s right. The large amount of portraits you saw at the entrance are all of visitors who met their end here. ...Once you’ve set foot inside this museum, you cannot make it back out alive. After the two of you have been consumed, I’ll display your pictures there as well~ )

“T-That’s...troubling!”

Azusa grabs hold of your hand.

“Eve, let’s run...!”

The two of you make a run for it.

*TIMESKIP*

“Haah, haah...T-To think he...eats his visitors...Haah, haah...We should have...never entered this place...Haah, haah...We have to hurry up...and get out of here...before the other me...catches up to us...! Haah, haah...Eh!?”

You suddenly come to a halt.

“What is...this...? A large butterfly is...pinned to the door...? Haah, haah...We can’t get out through here. Let’s look for another exit...”

The painting demon suddenly appears in front of them.

( ...Woah there~ )

“...!!”

( The large pin keeping that butterfly nailed against the door...It’s one of my favorites because of how thin and sharp it is. Even after being turned into a specimen, the butterfly keeps its beauty, so I’m sure the two of you would love to experience it as well? )

“...! I have...no intention of becoming a specimen...”

( Is that so? Then...I guess this will strike your fancy more? )

*Cling*

“...Ah!”

( Say...This knife is incredibly sharp, don’t you think? If you cut with it, lots of blood would come flowing out...It’d make for quite the show, don’t you think? Could I test it out on you guys? You don’t mind, do you? )

He steps closer.

“Y-You can’t...! Doing that to me would be one thing but...I won’t let you treat her badly! Ugh...”

Azusa steps in front of you to protect you.

“Why do you...eat...us visitors?”

( I mean, hunger makes you sad, right? )

“Even if you are...hungry...We won’t become your food...I’m begging you...Please give up.”

( I won’t be the one eating you! The museum is the hungry one after all. )

“...E-Eh?”

( Right, you don’t know, do you? In that case, I have to inform you! ...You see, this museum is a living creature. )

“A living...creature? ...This building is...alive?”

( It sure is! Therefore, you have to feed it! )

The fake Azusa walks up to you.

( Hm...This girl over here... )

*Sniff*

( Smells so lovely, I’m sure the museum will be thrilled. Fufufu~ )

“...! I-I won’t let you...! I definitely won’t hand her over!”

( Why? Why would you be so mean? Do you enjoy tormenting me? Fufu~ That’s not bad either, but right now I have to prioritize meal time... )

*Cling*

( I’ve been honing it well, so I’ll make sure it hurts a lot, okay~? )

*STAB*

“...Ah!”

You rush over to Azusa’s side.

“I-I’m...fine...I’m used to being...hurt after all...Ugh...”

He collapses.

*Thud*

“My body’s...”

( Fufufu~ This knife has been coated with poison, so you won’t be able to move for a while, you know? )

“Kuh...! Eve...Go!”

You shake your head.

“No buts! Just run...! I’ll be...fine, okay? So hurry up...”

He faints.

*Rustle rustle*

( Hehe~ He’s out cold. ...You’re up next, huh? Fufu~ Don’t worry! I don’t want to waste your blood, so I’ll only make a very light cut. ...Goodnight~! )

*SLASH*

*TIMESKIP*

*Cling cling*

( Ahー You’ve awaken? )

You mistake the demon for Azusa at first. 

( Oh no, I’m the portrait! The boy you were with...is next door~ It’d be troublesome if you were to run away, so I’ve crucified you both. (1) )

You try and free yourself from the restraints.

*Cling cling*

( Ah...Why are you screaming? Oh, right! You didn’t like this exhibition floor very much, did you? What a shame, all of these specimen are lovely after all. )

You frown.

( However...Right now, you’re one of them! You’ve also been pinned down, so you have to get along with the other artworks! )

*Cling cling*

( Haah...Why won’t you listen to me? Just look at how good the other works are! Ahー Right! You can barely wait, can’t you? I guess you want to become this museum’s prey as soon as possible! I’m sorry! Did I leave you waiting? I wanted to hurry up and move to dinner time as well. Good thinking, let’s do just that! )

You protest.

( How am I wrong? Don’t worry, I’ve already got everything prepared. Usually, I would just hurl the prey into the canvas whole. That’s how the museum eats them. )

Your face turns pale.

( However, I’m sure you have a special taste, so to ensure the museum gets to eat you at your best, I’ve decided to chop you up finely~ )

*Cling*

( Fufu~ This knife has a very thin blade, so it cuts extremely well. Don’t worry. I’ll properly cut you up! )

You start struggling again.

*Cling cling*

( Aah...! I can’t cut very well when you’re moving around like that...Hm...I suppose I’ll have to keep you in place with something? Oh! Right! )

The fake Azusa picks up a large pin. 

*Thud*

( If I pierce this large pin right through you, you won’t be able to move, huh? )

Your eyes widen in horror.

( Aah~ The tip is sharp and looks very painful, don’t you think? No matter how feisty the prey may be, when you stab them with this bad boy, they’ll behave in no time! Hmm~ Now where to stab you? Your belly, perhaps? )

*Cling cling*

( Ah...Don’t make a fuss. I won’t be able to pierce it through very well. Keep still, okay? )

*Cling cling*

( Hm...Didn’t you hear me when I told you to keep still? The pin’s no good either? )

*Thud*

( Ooh! Right! You wanted me to do this...didn’t you? )

He steps closer.

*Rustle rustle*

( You prefer fangs piercing your skin over a pin, right? )

You flinch.

( You seem delicious, so stopping your movements by sucking your blood would be better, no? Mmh~ Let’s do it like that then. )

He leans in.

( Hmm~ The upper arm...It’s so soft, I’m sure my fangs will just sink right in. I’ll plunge them in deep, okay? )

The demon bites you.

*Gulp gulp gulp*

( ...Haah! Woah! It’s my first time tasting such sweet blood! I only wanted to paralyze your movements, but now I want to suck you dry! ...I wonder how you taste in other places~? ...How about I bite your lips? It’s a tender spot, so I’m sure it’d be painful for you. Fufufu~ Your frightened expression...It’s very nice! Very much so! )

*Sluuuuuurp*

( ...Oh? Does it feel good? You like being hurt, huh? )

*Cling cling*

( Eeh~? Why would you lie? I mean, your eyes are watering. You’re actually eagerly awaiting this, aren’t you? Fufu~ The more painful, the better, no? Don’t worry, I’ll hurt you even more. You’ll be turned into prey soon, so I’ll give you my fangs wherever you want them. )

*Cling cling*

( Ah, ah, aaah...You’re wrists are all scraped up because you kept struggling. Say, does it hurt here? )

You cry out in pain. 

( Fufufu~ It hurts yet you seem happy. Perhaps I should bite right through the scraped skin~? Fufu~ Ah...I’ll loosen the chains just a little, okay? )

*Cling cling*

( There we go...Woah...Hohoho~ The skin has turned red and it’s bleeding slightly. Don’t worry. I’ll soothe it by giving you an even greater pain, okay? )

He bites your wrist.

*Sluuuurp*

( Haah...Hahaha~ Ah. It feels that good, huh? The more you resist, the richer your blood becomes. Fufufu~ Hm~  There’s a delicious smell wafting through the air~ Say...Give me more? You don’t mind, do you? )

*Rumble*

( Wah...!? What was that just now...!? )

*Rumble rumble*

( She’s in pain...Oh no! I have to hurry and rush to her side! )

The fake Azusa immediately moves away, running towards the door.

( Ah...! You stay put here, okay? I’ll make sure to chop you up once I’m back! )

He leaves the room.

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー 

Translation notes

(1) 貼り付け or ‘hari-tsuke’ applies that they are not simply tied up, but also hanging to something. The word is also used to refer to ‘Crucifixion’ after all. It isn’t specified what exactly you and Azusa are tied to, but I assume it’s a wall of some sorts? 

[exosmutxoxo]

Please Read ~ 🌻💗

Hello my loves! This is going to be quite a lengthy post, so please bear with me.

I want to start off by saying that I’m close to finishing my novel, and I plan to get it published soon! It has always been my dream to see my writings in the form of an actual book, on the shelves of bookstores, and to see people reading them.

During this period, I’ve finally gotten the time to sit down and properly finish up my novel - a story which has been sitting in my drafts for 2+ years. And although I still have a longggg way to go and that nothing is concrete for now, this is a game plan which I feel I’m halfway through ☺️

I still have endless loose ends to tie up, but I know these things take time and in the next coming months, I’ll be (hopefully) pushing my written work out into the publishing world.

I’m terrified and excited all at once. The road to getting published is not an easy one. But I’m willing to try. And for that, I have to thank Tumblr for being such a safe space for me to explore myself as a writer.

I have had this humble little blog for 3 years. Over these 3 years, I have written about different genres and topics (smut, action, dystopian, mental illnesses, superpowers, abuse, etc.), and I’m forever thankful for everyone who has read my works and supported me through thick and thin.

Tumblr has allowed me to explore my strengths and weaknesses as a writer. It has allowed me to move out of my comfort zone and tackle topics I never thought I would.

And it is a platform where I’ve met countless of people whom have supported and cared for me. People who mean the world to me. And people who love me both as a person and a writer.

My journey as a budding writer was far from smooth, but the friends I’ve made along the way have made it priceless, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world.

Namely:

@nunchiwrites - Nunchi was the very first friend I made on Tumblr when I first started out. We’ve fangirled together, collaborated when it came to writing, read and supported each other’s works, and basically made amazing memories together. She’s a friend I will forever cherish ❤️ I love you Nunchi, thank you for always hyping me up on Instagram 😚💖

@loser-dot-com - Babe, you were one of my pioneer supporters and mutual, and I can’t believe how far we’ve come 🤩 I still remember you using the nickname “School Anon” whenever you dropped me an ask HAHAHA i miss those times 🤣 Thank you for always supporting me and my works (and for sharing Chanyeol with me HOHOHO 🤪)

@findingmyelysium - SONIA MY LOVE. You’ve already read the first 2 chapters of my novel, which I (HOPEFULLY) plan to get published. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to read my garbage 🤣 it means the world to me. And thank you a million times for always being by my side, for loving me since my Dangerous Woman era 👀 I love you to the moon and beyond, and I hope “Bonnie & Clyde” has been exciting to you so far! (despite its many flaws and chaotic characters LMAO) 💗 I’m so thankful to have met you through Tumblr, and I really hope to meet you someday 🥺❤️ (also, your writing skills are AMAZING and i can’t wait to read more of your works!!) P.S. You are a badass babe, so much more than Kwon Syona will ever be 🤪💗

@pastel-kpop - My angel!!! Thank you for being such a pure, golden soul. You’re always there to check up on me, to encourage me, to cheer me up. I miss you so much, and I have so much love for you 🥺💕 I hope life is treating you well, you deserve all the goodness in the world! And also, thank you so much for supporting me in everything I do, and for always pushing me to do my best 💖😚

@isearchedtheyooniverse MAULI, MY HOE BUDDY 💖 IT’S BEEN SO LONG SINCE WE LAST SPOKE GAAAHH i miss you tons!!! Thank you for being a hoe with me and fangirling with me over our 1 million and one k-pop husbands 🤪🤪 and thank you for showing so much love for my writing, and for always encouraging me to do my best 💕🤗 I hope you’re well! 😘

@kpopangelxo - HIIII MY LOVE 💕💕 I still remember the days when we would chat endlessly, and you would supply me with endless ideas for The Chosen One! You even took the time to create a moodboard for one of its chapters, and I still hold it close to my heart till this very day 🥺❤️ I miss you and your humour every single day, I hope life has been going well for you! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for hyping up my stories, for fangirling with me, for never failing to put a smile on my face 💖💖 Your endless support has given me so much confidence over the years, and I’m utterly grateful for that. And for you! 💖

@byunfirstlady​ - YOU ARE SO ARTISTIC AND TALENTED, I SWEAR. Your gorgeous moodboards give me so much life and inspiration for my own works! I still remember when we collaborated together for one of my smuts, and as always, your moodboard was BEAUTIFUL ❤️ You are a truly talented and beautiful soul. You’ve always provided me with so much encouragement and support and feedback over the years, and I appreciate it so much ❤️ Also, I miss chatting with you 🥺 let’s catch up soon, okie! xoxo

@skjdln​ - HIIII LOVE! Thanks for all your support throughout the years! You’ve never failed to leave constructive feedback on my works, and it has really helped me to improve as a writer! Your feedback means the world to me. Also, you’re really really sweet and easy to talk to! 💕💕 I hope to get to know you better, thank you for being such a wonderful mutual 💕

A HUGE thank you to all my mutuals and followers who have supported and loved me and my works. You have no idea how much it means to me. Without all of you, I wouldn’t have the confidence to write an entire novel. So, thank you endlessly from the bottom of my heart. 

On another note, I know horrible things have been happening around the world. The COVID-19 situation is one of them, and I know it has been taking quite a toll on many of us. It has affected us in our own ways (mental health, emotional well-being, physical well-being, etc.). Whatever the case is, please remember that I’m always here to lend a listening ear and offer a virtual hug if needed!

You are not alone. I’m here for you. I’m always one message away. ❤️

To end off this long post, I would like to say thank you once again. To Tumblr, to my mutuals, to my followers. My heart is with every single one of you. ❤️ Please stay safe and take care of yourselves! xoxo

[baylardian-1]

buncha lil baby Liam doodles hehe

lil scribbles of kathryn imploding at liam starting to walk. :) i think theyd probably sign to him to walk toward them but omg that first time they see him doing it and hes like completely oblivious to them freaking out about it and they dont wanna distract him from doing it hahaha

i think we were saying liam would be a pretty quiet baby who dont cry very often. and that worries them cuz its so different from the triplets and its not what they expected hohoho. he like DOESNT keep them up at night crying and that has them restless waiting to hear him. just a lil quiet baby. :)

[iiryebreadii]

Episode 15

- Hera we need you this place is falling apart :’(

- Eiffel doesn’t believe in chores but he DOES believe in chess

- Off the record time

- Isabelle has been Erased

- Hilbert is just Vibing

- Time to interrogate him babey

- HOHOHO USE THE STICK COMMANDER USE THE STICK

- SHES MORE THAN AN APPLIANCE HILBERT AND YOU K I L L E D H E R

- I don’t think he’s gonna talk commander

- Is that an apple??????? Delicious mm

- This man has chosen the airlock give it to him KILL HIM.

- Dang it Hilbert stop being smart for a minute

- BREAK HIM COMMANDER

- BREAK HIMMMM

- dang Hilbert go for the throat I guess

- Oh dear she’s angy

- Eiffel is just doin his best and frankly I am very proud of him

- HAHA TORTURE BY EIFFEL

- they are both afraid hmm

- Very interesting angle here Doug I’m liking it

- Doug has a special reason for being here??? I knew he was out of place but that has an in-universe purpose???

- And it’s a secret?? Where are you from Eiffel

- Aw commander you trust him enough to drop it :)

- HAHAHA GET HIM WHERE IT HURTS GET HIM IN THE SCIENCE

- “You’ve been running experiments with radiation, and microbes, and plants—“ “AND ME” “—and Eiffel!”

- Ooo he’s not giving in!!

- Commander. Why are you pointing a gun at Eiffel.

- Poor Eiffel :(

- Decima, corrosive, but with mutations it could make someone healthy?? This man is making an Übermensch???

- So it needs active place—ITS IN EIFFEL EXCUSE MEEE??????

- apple time I guess

- Every new episode I listen to is like being punched in the face with more information and I LOVE IT

- So Eiffel is some kind of guinea pig?? Or less of a guinea pig and more of a walking, talking, incubator

- Also, I love that when the research hard-drives weren’t cutting it, Minkowski just was like “well I have one other bargaining chip I guess” and just immediately prepared to kill Eiffel

- Very proud of Eiffel for going with it though, he trusts her!! At least, mostly. She was pointing a gun at his head, but. Details.

- Hilbert is just getting more and more interesting, I really liked his dialogue this episode

- Eiffel is apparently Mysterious so that’s cool. I’m glad to see that there’s an narrative reason he’s here with Commander Competent and Brainiac of Unethical Science, instead of it just being a storytelling situation of an Everyman in the presence of super intelligent/competent characters

- Hilbert’s breakdown of Minkowski was very interesting here, but he implies she doesn’t have the guts to kill someone, and THEN gives in when she threatens to kill Eiffel. I wonder if that was him just panicking after the isolation+starvation+loss of all his research, or if he’s playing 4D chess with them and was calling her bluff???

- then again,

- None Of Us Knew What Minkowski Was Going To Do In That Moment, Least Of All Minkowski

- Also!! Apparently i was right in my post on episode 11, cause this man really IS working toward immortality!! And I Do Not know how to feel about that!!

- I am PUMPED to see where this is all leading

[hidgeshipping]

All ships are valid.

Why?

Well shit, i dunno if you haven't already heard but...

Its a fictional cartoon.

They're not real. They are meant to be enjoyed.

If anyone and i mean anyone actually (hahaha) takes cartoon characters and shipping seriously and (hohoho)

Calls anyone a pedo...

Well, I'm sorry sweetie but you are dead wrong.

I dunno about you, but i just have more common sense than your brain dead ass.

[valhalla-awaitsfor-us]

Unpopular opinion: All Might should have died in his final battle with All For One.

hohoho now THAT is an unpopular opinion.

Btw, do you have hidden camaras at my house? I was just talking about that with a friend. I told her “I should go to an anime convention and say that All Might should have died, just to see the place colpase” hahaha I guess its just me being my chaotic evil self 

SO, here is the thing… I dont know if All Might should have died at THAT battle.. but I do want him to die? In a heroic way, ofc, but.. yeah, die.

If i’m honest I think bnha academia needs more death (I KNOW, whats wrong with me right??) But for example, best jeanist should have died, because that would have been the perfect way to introduce the final boss. AFO is this scary all powerful villain, and I guess I needed a death just to confirm it.

 Dude, you always send me so many asks, I love you

[cryptidcalling]

Stuff about the hyena

- It looks fondly upon those who break social norms. Crime like stuff such as cannibals and thieves, or simple less accepted stuff like LGBT+ and even just those who follow unaccepted subcultures.

- It must be summoned by a “witch” in order for it to not immediately attack you. There are many ways to prove yourself as a “witch” but the easiest and most consistent way is to carve or paint your full name onto a birds skull and wear it. It could be a pin, necklace, etc, but it must be worn on your person at all times.

- You must also bring it something you have stolen to gain its loyalty. The more important the thievery, the more loyal it will become to you.

- Failure to follow the previous guides will result in the following:

A) You are not a social outcast; It will not like you, and it will not listen to you and will immediately attack and eat you. This step is easy to avoid, as by becoming a “witch” and stealing something you have made yourself a social outcast. Having extra things that make you even more of an outcast simply make it like you more, and it may do things for you without you asking it to.

B) You are not a “witch”; It will attack and eat you, no questions asked. Your social status may help you in this instance. The more of an outcast you are, the less of you it will eat, and the more chance you have to live.

C): You haven’t stolen something or you haven’t stolen something good enough; It will ignore your requests and simply wait for you to go away. It will not attack you unless you provoke it. 

- In order to summon it you must dig a hole in the ground (it doesn’t have to be deep, but it must be entirely dirt) and place the following items inside: A whole hyenas skull (no missing teeth, but cracks are okay), Three iron rings (size doesn’t matter, but they must be pure iron), at least a tablespoon of human blood or flesh, your stolen item, and a bird skull with your name on it or other proof that you are a “Witch”. Make sure that the moon is out and shining on where you have dug your hole.

- After placing these items in the hole fill the hole up with water. The water must be reflecting the moon. If it is not, wait until the moon is in position before continuing.

- When the moon is reflected in the water, recite the following words aloud. You must be alone to complete the ritual, as the hyena can not bond to multiple people at once:

Hahaha teeheehee

To break the rules gives me glee

Heeheehee hohoho

The thrill and joy take my soul

Away they say, away I go

With no remorse and no more home

So here I come to hyena land

To laugh and play at its command

Hahaha heeheehee

Come hyena, laugh with me

- Once you’re done you must close your eyes and laugh. If you open your eyes or stop laughing early, the ritual will fail and end in no results. While you laugh, you will hear the sound of a hyena’s laughter join your own. Do not stop laughing. The hyena will get progressively louder, until eventually it will let out one long, drawn out a screech of laughter. Then, it will start to quiet, at which point you may open your eyes. Do not stop laughing until the hyena has stopped first.

- Now you will be facing the hyena. It will be standing in the hole you have dug for it, and it will reach in to grab your stolen item to inspect it. If it accepts your item, it will nod and hand it to you. If it does not, it will drop it back in the water and wait silently for you to leave. Should this happen, you may return to retrieve your item the next day.

- If it accepts your item, you must then give it a name. It can be any name, although some say it likes the name “Mamba” and will laugh upon being dubbed as such. Laughter is always a good sign. You are now in charge of providing it with a living space. The hyena can not leave the mortal realm until it has been released. 

- After you have named it, it is yours until it becomes bored of you, you release it, or you provoke it. Provocation will result in attack and being eaten. It can not leave the mortal realm until you have actively released it. If it has become bored of you, it will wander away to wreak its own havoc. This is your responsibility, and any destruction or death that follows will be your fault. If at any point you remove your bird skull before the hyena has been released, it will no longer consider you a witch and will attack and eat you.  

- It is, at this point, yours to command. However, depending on your social status and the item you stole, the amount of obedience may vary. Have a first task in mind that you would like it to accomplish. Should it not be given one within 2 days, it will become bored and leave. Tasks that it can accomplish include: Stealing a desired item, exacting revenge, ruining the reputations of others, and possibly other simpler tasks. However, it may refuse to do simpler tasks if it does not like you enough (Such as helping carry items or other mundane things). It will not do tasks focused mainly on knowledge, such as gathering information on people or doing work for you. 

- The hyena only consumes human flesh, but it has a habit of filling its living space with bones of many kinds. It will go out and collect these bones for itself if they are not provided. 

- A few things to include within the hyena’s living space in order to make it satisfied: A large assortment of bones, items you have stolen, items that are shiny or look valuable such as jewelry and crystals, lit candles, and animal furs and skins as a bed. The worse the living space is, the quicker the hyena will become bored.

- There are two ways to release the hyena. The first is to remove the hyena’s connection to the mortal realm via its iron rings, which keep it grounded within our reality. Place a number of flat cuts or thin rods of amethyst crystal underneath the circumference of each cuff. Amethysts are a crystals highly connected to the spirit realm. The second is to remove a tooth from the hyena’s mouth. This makes it so the hyena’s vessel is incomplete and therefore not strong enough to contain it. This option is far more dangerous, as it causes physical harm to the hyena. This counts as provocation, meaning that the hyena will attack. 

- You will know when it has been released when the black mass of it’s body melts into a puddle of dirty water on the ground. The hyena skull and rings will be left within the puddle, and the rings will have returned to their original sizes. 

[asheewrites]

Tavern Blues

A little story after this wonderful tavern banter: 

Alfyn: That should do ‘er! Now the ale’s ready for drinking!

Cyrus: And we’re all here, right on time.

Therion: …But I want everyone to know that drinks can be enjoyed all the same in complete silence.

Olberic: Come now. Where is the fun in that?

Alfyn: I now pronounce the Official Drinking Games underway! Gentlemen, you may begin!

Cyrus: …I…I concede.

Alfyn: Giving up early, ain’t you, Professor?

Cyrus: Indeed. You must forgive me, but I’d rather drink at my own pace, or not at all.

Therion: (Out, but not down, huh?)

Olberic: (He’s a man who likes to savor his drinks, it would appear.)

Alfyn: I’ve got to hand it to you fellahs. Guys back in the village would already be under the table. 

Therion: Thieves who can’t hold their liquor aren’t long for the business. 

Olberic: I, too, oft had need to drink in my younger days. Familiarity breeds resilience. 

Cyrus: …Indeed. But there are limits. Practice and familiarity can only take you so far.

Alfyn: Well, I ain’t done yet- another round!

Therion: …All right. I’m calling it quits.

Alfyn: Hahaha. You lily-livered milksop! I’m good for another cask!

Therion: I know when to cut my losses. But I’ve got to hand it to you: you’re stronger than you look.

Alfyn: That’s what they all say!

Cyrus: (’Tis a wise bandit indeed, who puts down his glass before his agility is adversely affected.)

Alfyn: It’s just you an’ me then, Olberic!

Olberic: Haha! Let the duel commence, my medicinal friend!

Alfyn: Uh-oh…

Olberic: Hohoho…

Alfyn: (By the gods, he’s like a bottomless barrel! He’s been smilin’ and relaxed like he’s only on his third mug- what’s it gonna take to knock him out!?)

Olberic: Hohoho… (Demons take me, but I cannot seem to stop giggling… I haven’t been pushed this far in a drinking game since my contest with Erhardt- a match that I lost.)

Alfyn: (I reckon the next glass will be his last, though…)

Olberic: (Have I met my match once more…?)

Therion: All right, that’s enough, you two.

Alfyn: Wh-what d’ya mean? I’m just getting’ warmed up…

Therion: Tell that to the tavern master. 

Cyrus: I declare a tie- you are both victors.

Alfyn: Ah, shucks. Well, if they ain’t servin’ no more, I guess we got no choice…

Therion: Exactly.

Olberic: Hahaha…ha…ha…

Cyrus: It appears Sir Olberic continues to be amused. Nevertheless, what do you gentlemen say to finding another tavern that’s still serving?

Therion: (In the end, none of us can hold a candle to this guy…)

 According to the barkeep, there was supposed to be another place willing to give a few wary travellers the time of the day, even after midnight. It wasn’t a long walk. So, for reasons only known to the gods, the party decided to follow Cyrus’ inane suggestion. And here some people still accused him of being the smart one.

Ignoring my glowering stare, everyone started walking. The fresh air giving everyone the false feeling of sobering up. Again. False. Cyrus talked even more than usual – about the history of taverns, as I figured. Alfyn tried to tell us all about the effects of alcohol on one’s body – the sentences sometimes started four times, and rarely ended. And Olberic, well, he seemed equally amused by both stories, chuckling during pauses and sometimes patting his neighbors backs – they stumbled forward and he excused himself every time.

I trotted after them, kicking stones. I didn’t look forward to the headache tomorrow – I knew it was coming - and helping Olberic home would not be an easy task. Here is to hope he wouldn’t lose consciousness.

But we did reach the tavern. Old building, someone who is sure to get an offending price for terrible ale behind the counter, the floor worn out and as creaky as the door hinges. Joy.

We still settled on a table, each with a glass in front of us – Cyrus took wine, the utter maniac – and listened to Olberic talk about his youth in the army and how he was constantly surrounded by other men, he likes having that again. Alfyn almost hit the table when he got a hand slammed on his back this time. The boy contered with his own adventures with Zeph, how they I watched them drain their glasses and listened and nodded sometimes, taking in the information – a force of habit, really.

I was glad I sat on the other side of the table, though. The safer choice for my back and my rattled brain, really. My own ale got drained only in fractions.

“… and you’re still a maniac.” I said, glancing at the wine glass in Cyrus’ hand.

“Ah, but I must protest. It is the finer choice of drink, sun filled grapes filled in a glass, distilled to a great aroma and better taste. Perfect to quench your thirst, especially while studying.” He said this with a perfectly earnest expression.

I stared at his cravat, at the cloak held together by a brooch, the root-decorated vest, the belted together, poofy sleeves and said: “… that explains a lot”

To his credit, he only thought about it for a few seconds. Then: “I’ll have you know it did not inhibit my deduction or reasonable thinking in any way whatsoever. It is a very common way to preserve water. Alfyn can surely tell you all about its disinfectant properties, isn’t that right, Alfy-“

There was a thud.

Alfyn had hit the table. Or at least his arm had. His head rested against Olberic’s arm. Snoozing.

“Oh, not again…” I sighed and stood… at least this time he would get back home.

“What do you mean, again? I wasn’t aware this happened before?” Cyrus asked, because of course he does.

“You don’t have to know everything, professor… you take Olberic. He’s useless, too” Evidenced by his giggling. He giggled and pat Alfyn’s head. It wasn’t a shining moment for anyone.

With an arm around my neck – Cyrus had to distract the big man so I could grab it – I paid the barkeep before he could get nasty on top of old. And then we started our trek home.

Alfyn told me I’m his bestest best friend in slurred words and bad breath while trying to choke me to death. And Cyrus – the bastard – got carried by Olberic. Who was wholly amused by the endeavour. There was some distress on the scholar’s side when all his words did not keep the big man from running against a wall, but at least I could join into the constant giggling that way. If only for a moment. Because Alfyn laughed, too. Carrying him did not get easier.

But we moved onwards. And somehow reached the Inn.

The girls told us we smelled had to get our own room. Ophelia should not be subjected to this. Primrose was a filthy traitor this moment. And she should be ashamed.

This truly, truly was not my day. I leaned my head against the door to have a moment of rest.

Cyrus still talked. Olberic still giggled. Alfyn still slurred. And I was still done with eberything. Great.

It was late. The innkeeper already asleep. I was frustrated. The lock of the next door was picked before I could even think about it.

There were six beds in the room. At least something went right. I put Alfyn in the one closest to the door, grabbed a water skin and went outside. Maybe taverns were just too work-related by now. Not much fun anymore. Especially in groups.

Get some water in, a bit more fresh air without weird breath and extra weight and I’ll be good. So I took a few deep breaths, standing in the silent street. Felt a little more normal that way. Finally alone again.

No one to take my mind off the next target. By getting overly excited about it. Or telling me it was of historical importance. Or how it would look good in her hair. Or taking it away to go and sell it for some medicine a kid needed.

They all were against stealing, too. But let me do it all the same. Even agreed to rob the house with me. Weird, stubborn bunch of people. Didn’t know an ambush from an opportunity.

…

I hadn’t put a bucket next to Alfyn’s bed. Last time had been ugly for both of us and-

The door to the inn opened.

“You left rather fast, Therion! Our compatriots needed care before they could rest! Is something the matter?”

Cyrus. Slightly rumpled, straightening his cloak when he came out the door.

“...” I took my hand off the dagger at my side. “… needed some peace.”

“Ah, well met, the taverns were rather stuffy, were they not?”

I looked to the side – he apparently did not catch my drift.

“Anyway, a diluted wine preserves the drinkability of water, it is completely normal and perfectly acceptable choice of drink” He said, nodding resolutely.

“… are you seriously starting this again? Now?” I was not sure if I was amused or annoyed.

“You seemed to think I can not properly study with a diluted drink of whine, but I assure you it has no effect on my judgement or mental capabilities whatsoever!”

“… like right now?” Because he could have judged to leave me alone, but instead, he came here. Which contradicts everything I ever told him, really.

“Right now, we all have imbibed more than that. A lot more” He even looked a little proud of it.

“But it explains your tolerance. Must have ‘hydrated’ a lot” I really wondered why it was so fun to rile him up. Maybe because it was so easy. Easier than usual right now, too.

“I did not *drink* while studying. The alcohol is a mere preservation! We can not drink bad water! Diseases happen from that, we had enough examples on our journeys!” Really, it was too easy.

“Mmmmhmh, this preservation might have made me less allergic to academia, too, I suppose”

“I must protest this wrong assumption, truly, you can’t-“

I interrupted him: “I came out here for some quiet, can’t you just leave it?”

“I didn’t mean to say you are unfit for academia. My recommendation still stands. Any and all steps to enter the field would be very welcome, I should not have formulated it this way. I apologise.” He even looked guilty. How did I ever deal with this man.

“If you aren’t going to shut up, I’m going to make you, I’m serious.” I was, too. He was in melee range, after all.

But he smiled. Brightly. Right next to me. And continued with: “This is an idle threat! You have shown great involvement in all our well-being. You are a good friend. And you give Alfyn more work than he already has now, would y-MH!“

I kissed him. Grabbed his stupid cravat and pulled him down and kissed him. The silence made me take a relieved breath. He smelled of burned fabric and cold winter nights and of broken revenants. I kind of wanted to pull him closer.

But I didn’t. I let go. And looked into a very confused, lightly frowning face. He was silent. Thank the gods.

I patted his shoulder: “Told you”

And walked back in, there was a bed waiting for me. I could rest easy with the knowledge that Cyrus actually put a bucket next to every bed. He was a good guy after all.