#'i made a paper hat :)!! you all should look' - blooper

[readerthatreadsss]

Sweet Fantasy | Dean Winchester

GIF by born-to-be-his-baby88

(gave myself an actual pat on the fucking back for finding this gif like y'all are gonna see how perfect it is in a second!)

Pairing: Dean Winchester x fem! reader

Word Count: 3.9k

Summary: Dean won't eat his vegetables...until you offer to cash in on a very recent fantasy of his, that is.

Warnings [18+ MINORS DNI]: P*rn w/ some solid plot action actually, a bit of domestic fluff sprinkled in, reader and Dean are married (don't know if that's a warning but you should know?), reader dresses up in a sexy Zorro costume with the hat and mask included, handcuffs (Dean receiving), mentions of a safeword but not used, fingering/masturbation (reader receiving), oral sex (brief Dean receiving), a whole lotta teasing (Dean receiving), p in v sex (cowgirl, missionary), unprotected sex (wrap your willy before you fuck her silly!), dirty talk, switch! Dean, switch! reader, very vocal Dean, brief choking (Dean receiving), creampie.

A/n: Hey! Sorry for disappearing for 3 months again...So classes finished almost 2 months ago and I've been wracking my brain about what to post. I tried finishing some of my drafts and it just wasn't working for me idk. Then, like any normal person, I was randomly watching some SPN bloopers this morning and it got to a scene where Dean said sometimes he wants to get spanked during sex by a girl wearing a Zorro mask and my brain ran with that shit IMMEDIATELY. Now, I'm so sorry I couldn't actually write him actually getting spanked without it sounding corny and just wrong to me? But I did write all of this in 7 hours without stopping so I'm honestly proud of it regardless.

Enjoy...

It was a Sunday evening in the bunker, meaning you were responsible for dinner. With that task came the additional task of getting Dean to eat whatever vegetables you cooked without complaining and engaging in a rant that would end with him calling himself the “meat man”.

It’s not that you were concerned about Dean's weight or appearance, after 7 years of marriage you were confident that there was nothing in the world that could make you love Dean Winchester any less. But having a steady diet of beer, beef, and pie was a surefire way to kill any man of Dean’s age faster than any monster or demon.

And God knows you’d do anything to ensure he didn’t die before his time.

Hell, you have before.

Which is why you made Dean agree to eat a side of only vegetables with whatever meat he wanted at least once a week. This week it was string beans and sautéed mushrooms, aka his least favorite vegetable.

But you didn’t have the time to make the 45-minute drive to the grocery store earlier that day so he would have to deal.

Or you wish he would deal…

“Mushrooms? Baby come on,” he complained when you placed his plate before him.

“Hey, it’s all that was left in the fridge. Eat up,” you shrugged, placing a kiss on the crown of his head.

“You know, we could always do no vegetables,” Dean offered with a wide grin.

You chuckled and used a finger to squish his stubbled cheek. “You wish, Winchester.”

He sighed in defeat and turned to pick up his fork.

You looked to make sure Sam was out of earshot before leaning down to where your lips grazed Dean’s ear. “Tell you what, if you eat those vegetables I’ll do that thing you told me about…later” you whispered.

Dean’s eyes lit up immediately, “The thing?” he harshly whispered.

You nodded with a smile.

“Costume and everything?” He made a gesture with his hands.

“Yup, I’ve been hiding the costume for weeks.”

“I’m game” Dean agreed, digging into the mushrooms first.

You turned away to share your own plate with a smile.

“I’m gonna go grocery shopping later,” Sam announced as he sat beside Dean with his plate. He met your eyes, “Anything else you forgot to put on the list?”

“Yeah stop at the liquor store and grab me a bottle of red? I ran out,” you answered sitting across from the boys with your plate.

Sam grabbed a pen and a piece of folded paper from his pocket and added it to his list, “Yeah, no problem. What brand again?”

You swallowed a piece of your chicken with a smirk. “I’m sure you already know seeing as you’re the one who emptied the bottle to the very last drop,” you addressed Sam.

His pen slipped from his grip, his green eyes widening to meet your narrowed ones.

“You drink red wine?” Dean pointed at Sam in disbelief as a laugh rumbled in his chest.

“How did you know?” He asked you, ignoring Dean’s quip.

“I saw you passed out in the library clutching the bottle the other night.”

“Listen Dean finished all the beer and it was the first thing I saw,” he defended himself.

“Oh, you’re getting more creative with your excuses. I'm impressed!” You gushed, sarcasm evident in your tone, “What was it again last week? ‘Oh Eileen wanted to taste some’ " you mimicked his gruff tone causing him to roll his eyes and Dean’s laughter to grow louder. “-when we all know that Eileen is a white wine type of gal.”

"I-" Sam tried to come up with a retort but eventually gave up. “Whatever.”

“Yeah pick up 3 bottles this time in case Eileen wants a taste,” you replied with a grin.

“Three bottles?!” He exclaimed.

“You aren’t the one paying for it, genius,” you reminded him, referring to the unlimited card Charlie hacked for you all those years ago.

“Yeah but I’m gonna have to lug it up here,” Sam mumbled as he stuck his fork into his chicken.

Dinner continued mostly in silence with Sam thinking about the two lousy trips he’d have to make between his car and the kitchen once he returns with the groceries, Dean thinking about the reward he’ll be getting for the vegetables he’s actually grown used to eating, and y/n thinking about all the ways she’s gonna make Dean squirm later.

~ ~ ~

Hours had passed since dinner and Sam was now on his way to the grocery store leaving just you and Dean in the bunker.

To say he was excited would be an understatement.

Dean first told you about this fantasy of his after a case you had months ago required you to take a trip to an adult costume shop to question the owner. It took mere seconds for the image of you in the very specific costume to cross his mind after laying eyes on the packaging.

You laughed at the idea when he told you and silently decided you would try and find the costume.

Of course, he didn’t believe you would actually indulge him but you were actually excited too. Costumes and toys weren’t new territory for you and Dean but they were few and far between with your unpredictable hunting schedules.

Dean now sat at the edge of your shared bed wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt waiting for you to return like you had promised.

But it had been almost 20 minutes since you left to get changed and his patience was wearing thin. He was seconds away from getting up and coming to see if you needed help or if you were even hurt.

Which you predicted would be the case.

So you had been standing out of sight by the doorway for less than a minute now waiting for him to try and leave.

“Damnit,” Dean eventually gave in to his worries and began to make his way to the door.

You smirked once you heard his determined steps drawing closer.

Dean’s eyes widened once you spun from your hiding spot against the wall to stand before him. “Looking for me?”

You watched his throat bob and his pupils dilate as he took in your full look.

Atop your head and face rested a sexy black Zorro mask and matching hat. You were also wearing a black sleeveless leather top that stopped in your midriff region and had strings tied between your breasts that allowed a whole lot of cleavage to be on display. The leather skirt that accompanied was low-waisted and stopped at your upper thigh, matching the black thong you were wearing beneath.

You had stretched the thin straps of the thong along your hips above the skirt for added flair.

In your right hand, you held a fake silver sword similar to the one Zorro held in the movies, and hanging from the left side of your skirt were two handcuffs ready and waiting to be used.

You were sex on knee-length boot-covered legs.

Dean felt himself growing hard already.

You bit your bottom lip at the way your husband’s eyes roamed your body, hoping the dark red lipstick covering it was as transfer and waterproof as the box advertised.

“You look...stunning,” Dean marveled. The model on the packaging of the costume didn’t come close to how it looked on your body.

Your heart swelled at the compliment before remembering the persona you had practiced for the night ahead. “Oh I know,” you took a step closer and leaned against the doorway. You pointed the sword in Dean’s direction. “Why are you still dressed, Dean?” you asked with furrowed brows and a smile.

A chuckle almost left your lips at the sight of Dean fumbling with his pant strings and tripping over his own legs to send the pajama bottoms flying over to a random corner while throwing off his t-shirt with record speed.

He stood before you in only his boxers, his enjoyment of your costume evident by the bulge in the center.

“Get on the bed.” You told him, your tone not excessively commanding but sexy enough to make him obey immediately.

“Yes ma’am,” he smirked, quickly sitting and sliding up to the headboard of the bed.

You walked further into the room and placed your sword down before climbing onto the bed and slowly crawling to where Dean sat. His green eyes followed your every move as you moved to straddle him, but not fully.

You then grabbed the two pairs of handcuffs attached to your hips and twirled them around your fingers. “How you feeling Dean?” you checked in, your hips hovering above his thighs, making sure to not touch his erection just yet.

“Oh, I feel great. Real great. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this great,” he nodded eagerly as you cuffed each of his hands to each bedpost, getting a face full of your boobs in the process.

"You sound nervous," you teased him, "Am I making you nervous baby?"

"Me? Nervous? Pfft!"

You scoffed, not believing him one bit. "What's our safe word?" you asked him gently.

Dean leaned forward as much as his restraints would allow to press a sweet kiss against your stomach. " 'Oklahoma', baby," he grinned.

You then let your clothed ass sink down on his covered erection. Dean groaned and tried to reach for your hips instinctively only to meet the restriction of the handcuffs. “I hope they aren’t too tight 'cause they’re gonna be on there for a while,” you nearly bust out laughing at the look Dean gave you.

“A while?” he repeated, dreading not being able to touch you at a time like this.

You shrugged, “If you behave I might change my mind.”

Before he could argue further, you leaned forward and connected your lips in a searing kiss. His breath was hot against your face as your lips drifted to his neck while your hands found themselves in his hair.

A breathy groan slipped past his lips when you nipped a specific spot beneath his ear lobe. “You’re so loud. Maybe I should’ve bought a muzzle,” you whispered in his ear teasingly, feeling his dick jump beneath you at your words. “I'll remember that next time,” you replied to his body's response.

“Baby, do you have any idea how amazing you look? ” Dean gushed, struggling against his restraints as you began to grind your hips against his covered cock.

You smiled and met his lips in a kiss once again. He slipped his tongue between your welcoming lips, allowing his taste to flood your mouth. You pulled away seconds later, nipping his bottom lip, and removed yourself from his lap.

He watched nervously, awaiting your next move while you scooted farther away from him along the bed. You slowly slipped off your boots, your confidence unwavering as you held Dean’s hungry stare.

He watched you use a hand to hold yourself upright before spreading your legs open to reveal the lace thong covering your already-drenched pussy. “Are you about to..." he trailed off, jaw clenched as he spoke.

"Hmm mhm. And there is not a damn thing you can do about it...except watch," you slowly removed your thong and threw it at Dean’s lap. He immediately became hyperaware of the feeling of the wet lace draped over his dick.

You slowly brought two fingers up to your lips and sucked them even slower to coat them in your saliva and give Dean a show before bringing them down to where you needed them the most. You began slow ministrations against your aching clit, pulling moans from yourself that made Dean impossibly harder.

He took a deep breath at the sight, imagining his own fingers parting your folds and rubbing at your swollen clit.

“You are a menace,” Dean laughed in obvious distress, licking his dried lips. He couldn’t handle watching you touch yourself without being able to touch you any longer so he looked away, swallowing harshly at the sound of your wetness against your fingers.

“Look at me Dean,” you mewled, continuing to rub your pussy in small quick circles. He turned reluctantly, watching as you slowly pushed two fingers inside your dripping hole. “See this, baby? It’s all for you,” you said, melting into a moan when your fingers grazed a spot inside you that drew your orgasm closer.

“I gotta taste you, baby,” Dean pleaded, “Open these and let me taste you, please,” he rattled the handcuffs against the bedposts.

The pure agony in his voice had your fingers and breathing speeding up and soon your climax was approaching. Dean’s breathing picked up in response. “Fuck, Dean I’m gonna cum,” you moaned, pressing a thumb to your clit while your fingers kept working inside of you to bring you to the edge.

A thin layer of sweat appeared on Dean’s forehead as he watched you keenly. He bit his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood, his self-control draining by the second.

Your eyes remained open and locked onto his, your moans growing louder and borderline pornographic. You were putting on a show and he was losing his mind.

“I’m cumming, fuck-“ you panted as your first orgasm of the night slammed into you and caused you to make a small mess on the sheets beneath you. Your body shook sporadically with aftershocks of your own work

Dean’s head hung low. “Jesus baby,” he huffed, his own voice strangled, “you’re trying to give me a heart attack aren’t you?”

You smiled as you crawled back up to sit on Dean’s lap, taking your thong and throwing them somewhere unseen. “Ehh maybe,” you replied coyly, straightening your hat and mask. “And since you behaved so well,” you reached a hand down to touch his clothed cock, “I think you deserve a reward,” you pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

Dean allowed you to pull his boxers off his body, watching you wrap a hand around his painfully erect cock. “Fuck,” he groaned at the feeling of your hand wrapped around him.

You slid down to where you could lay flat on your stomach between his legs and leaned down to briefly swirl your tongue around where precum was gathered at the tip.

“Take the hat off and look at me pretty girl,” Dean said.

You complied, throwing the hat off to the edge of the bed before diving down and licking his tip once again, but this time keeping your eyes locked onto his.

“Holy shit,” Dean groaned, his hips twitching upwards. You then opened your mouth and wrapped it around his length, slowly sliding down until your nose was nuzzled at the base, staying there for a few seconds before coming back up for air. “Hell yes, baby that's perfect,” he panted as you began sucking faster along his length, a few lone tears flowing from beneath the mask from the familiar stretch of his cock in your throat.

Your head continued to bob up and down Dean’s length for some time, drawing shallow moans of your name and grunts from him before you finally let up and pressed one last kiss against the side of his cock.

Dean’s chest heaved as you licked your lips and used a hand to wipe your face clean. “Goddamnit," he whined at your sudden stop, feeling his impending orgasm return to its hiding place.

You grabbed your previously discarded Zorro hat and placed it back on your head before hiking your skirt up to allow you more room to move your legs around Dean’s lap. “Can’t have you cumming before I’m done with you sweetheart,” you replied while untying the strings of your top and removing it.

The keys to the handcuffs dropped onto Dean’s lap from where you previously hid them in your top. You had honestly forgotten you put them there but it just presented yet another opportunity to get Dean all whiny and desperate, which was a rarity that you rather enjoyed.

“Oops would you look at that,” you exclaimed playfully, taking them up and dangling them in front of Dean’s eyes.

"Alright baby you broke me. Come on, just let me go, and trust me, I will make it worth your while,” Dean bargained with you.

"As enticing as that sounds," you paused and brought your hand up to caress Dean’s cheek before pulling him in for a sloppy kiss. You pulled away with a grin. “I love hearing you beg, so no,” you whispered against his lips.

Dean loudly groaned watching you gently place the keys down on the closest nightstand. “Shit,” he shut his eyes.

But they shortly shot open once you used a hand to grip his length and bring it between your dripping folds.

A pleased hum left your lips once the tip glazed your clit causing Dean to swallow harshly. “Aren’t you sick of teasing me,” he hissed.

Fuck no.

You used a free hand to grip the back of his hair. “Take a deep breath for me, Dean,” you told him, feeling his chest rise against yours soon after. And as it fell, you slipped his cock inside your entrance.

You slowly sank down onto his length until it was fully buried inside you, groaning at the welcomed stretch.

“I love those sounds you make for me,” Dean whispered against your lips.

“Oh you’re gonna be making some of those sounds too,” you smirked, clenching around him causing a sharp grunt to reach your ears.

You guided your hips up and down Dean’s length, riding him at a quickening pace. He jerked his hips upward to match your cadence drawing a gasp from your lips when his cock hit that spot inside you that had you seeing stars. “There you go baby,” Dean groaned, “you look so fucking good riding my cock.”

The hat and mask from your costume managed to stay in place as you slammed down on Dean’s cock repeatedly. And it was an image that he would never forget.

Your hand released Dean’s hair and instead found itself wrapped around Dean’s neck as you rode him faster. A whine that shot straight to your cunt escaped his lips when your fingers slightly tightened their grip around his throat.

You suddenly slowed down and instead began to grind your hips against his, moaning loudly when your clit grazed his pelvis. “I’m gonna cum again shit!” You threw your head back in obscene pleasure, releasing Dean's throat and holding onto his shoulders to steady yourself.

“Fuck yes. Use my cock to get off, sweetheart,” Dean urged you on before leaning forward to suck one of your nipples as best as he could.

This soon pushed you over the edge, your climax tearing a scream from within you as your hips faltered around Dean’s cock, your hat flying off your head once more. Dean relished in the way your cunt pulsed around him from your orgasm as well as the look of sheer pleasure that crossed your face at that moment. “You’re so beautiful,” he smiled up at you, meaning every word.

You kissed his forehead with a smile and reached for the handcuff keys. “I think I’ve tortured you enough,” you freed his right hand first, pressing a kiss against his wrist, then did the same to his left, “This is supposed to be a reward after all.”

Dean’s lips curved into a smirk at his newfound freedom. “Yes it is, sweetheart.”

A surprised yelp left your lips when Dean gripped your hips and flipped you onto your back. He grabbed your hat and placed it on his own head before sending you a wink. “And I’m not feeling rewarded just yet.”

You nearly came just from the sight of Dean hovering above you in only that hat. “We’re gonna have to talk about my sexy cowboy fantasy when we’re done here,” you raised a brow.

A low chuckle echoed from Dean’s chest. He reached up and tipped his hat in your direction, “yes ma’am.” He replied with a deep southern drawl.

Your pussy clenched instantly.

“That was hot as fuck,” you breathed.

“Thank you darlin’ “ he replied in the same accent with a wink.

You giggled before pulling him down for a kiss. He pulled away and touched the mask still wrapped around your eyes. “And thank you for doing this for me, baby,” he smiled down at you, “It was so so much better than I imagined.”

“It was definitely my pleasure,” you nodded happily, feeling his hands glide down your sides.

“Was?” He protested playfully. “The night is still young, sweetheart!” He threw your legs over his shoulder causing you to exclaim at the sudden move. He placed a kiss on each of your thighs and lined himself up with your entrance before entering you once again.

“FUCK” you cried out at the sudden intrusion, feeling your eyes well up with tears of pleasure in record time.

Dean pulled out and slammed into you once again, his grip on your legs tightening as he eased into a quick pace.

“YES-Dean holy shit,” you moaned, eyes quickly rolling to the back of your head and back arching up and off the bed as he fucked you with reckless abandon.

“How’s it feeling baby?” Dean said, bringing a hand down to play with your clit.

“So good, Dean, so fucking good,” you rambled, your skin buzzing with pleasure, “Harder, please, I'm almost there,” you found yourself begging.

“You gonna cum for me already pretty girl?” He sped up his slaughter on your cunt, "Maybe I should make you beg for it?" his voice was low and demeaning but only spurred you on more.

You shook your head adamantly while your hands fumbled around Dean's waist for a solid grip. So he simply released your legs and grabbed your hands before holding them down above your head, driving his cock into you even harder at this new angle.

“Dean!" you broke off into a strangled moan.

Dean’s lips attacked your open neck. “I wish we had neighbors so they could hear you screaming my fucking name,” he all but growled as the sounds of your moans and skin against skin plagued the air.

You came with a yell seconds later, your release coating Dean’s cock and the sheets. “That’s my girl. There you go baby,” he released your hands and held your face, guiding you down from your high.

Your hands gripped Dean’s hair harshly as you kissed his lips and his hips stuttered, his cum coating your insides soon after. You swallowed his grunts as his cock continued to leak and twitch inside you.

Broken pants befell both your lips in between sloppy kisses while your orgasms passed and your shared spend flowed between your legs. You eventually released his lips for air, “That was-“

“-Incredible,” he mirrored your thoughts, removing your hat from his head. Dean used a hand to remove your mask and brush a few strands of hair behind your ears once he moved to lie down beside you.

“Hi,” you grinned in awe of the man you called your husband. “Hey sweetness,” he grinned back, adoration evident in his deep green eyes.

Your cheeks flushed as he pressed a kiss against your forehead. He quickly grabbed his previously discarded t-shirt and used it to clean up the mess between your legs before throwing it in the laundry basket nearby.

You snuggled into his side once he returned to the bed.

“So uhh what was it you were saying about your cowboy kink?” Dean smugly asked after a few seconds.

“Goddamnit Dean,” you shamefully groaned into his side, gaining a chuckle from him.

ANDDD SCENE!

Hope it wasn't too bad seeing as I gave up on editing it like 75% through it.

Tbh I highly doubt more than 20 people are gonna see this because I have no idea how strong the Supernatural fandom's presence is on here, which also means that I don't know if anyone has used a plot like this one before so don't be afraid to let me know if that is the case and I will make changes as I see fit!

(Also let me know if you want a sequel one shot with sexycowboy! Dean and reader. Or feel free to make any other requests)

Reblogs, likes, and comments are ALWAYS appreciated :)

divider creds : @cafekitsune

[shapeshiftinterest]

Best Seat In The House: bowser x luigi

luigi is chosen as the ambassador for the mushroom kingdom, bowser’s council try to kick him out on the technicality that you must be seated to participate in negotiations

luckily, the best seat in the house is right at the front of the table

or: luigi is tired and 2 can play at being petty

big thanks to AllageAntelope from twitter for helping translate and collab on the italian dialogue

story under the read more

Best Seat In The House (also on ao3)

Luigi was tired. He was tired and hungry and just wanted to do his ambassador job negotiations with Koopa Kingdom already. This was the third time traveling back and forth between kingdoms and Bowser’s council kept locking him out on the grounds of ‘You must be seated to participate in negotiations, Ambassador Greenie‘.

Ugh!! It wasn’t his fault there were never any seats provided! Every time the green plumber arrived, announced and everything, all the seats had been filled up by council members. No one would bring him a chair either!

He sighed, clutching the strap of his messenger bag and looking at the, once again, full table. An assortment of older goombas, koopa troopas, and what have you were talking to each other amicably but he could tell they were laughing at him in the middle of it all.

“Ambassador Green ‘Stache!” A bespeckled Boo greeted him, smirk on her translucent face. “So good of you to join us! Come, come, take a seat.”

“Vecchio troglodita rimbambito,” he muttered under his breath.

“What was that, dear?”

“Nothing, Signora Beatrix,“ he smiled.

“Hmmm,” she said, floating back to her seat.

Luigi let out a sigh. Now, where to sit, where to sit. Looking around, it seemed like no one would help him again this time either. He spotted Bowser at the head of the table, talking to a decorated veteran Goomba.

The two made eye contact and the plumber almost felt hopeful- until the king sneered at him and turned back to the Goomba. Ok, that’s it. If they wanted to be petty, he could too.

Strengthening his resolve, Luigi thanked the Boo and started marching towards the other end of the room.

“Excuse me, Signore,” he addressed the Goomba, the two pausing their conversation. “But I’d like to get to my seat, per favore.”

Bowser snorted, the force almost knocking Luigi’s hat off. “The hell’re you on about, Greenie?” He growled, shooing away the Goomba.

Luigi looked at him. “I’m-a just taking my seat, like everyone keeps-a telling me to do,” he deadpanned, before performing a jump and landing on the throne’s arm rest. The room quickly devolved into chaos, council members hooting and hollering for the plumber to get down.

“Ambassador Green Mario, this is highly inappropriate, get down from there at once!” a Blooper garbled from the large fishbowl perched on a chair, water splashing onto the rug.

“My name,” Luigi said, “Is-a Luigi, Signora Blombell.”

The Blooper in question sputtered angrily. How dare-

“But I-a suppose you’re right.”

Everyone calmed down as the plumber made to get off of the arm rest-

Only for him to slide onto Bowser’s lap instead.

“The best seat should-a be reserved for foreign guests, no?”

Luigi paid them no mind as he got comfortable, butt on the king’s thigh and back against the arm rest he’d been sitting on previously. He could feel the king jolt in surprise but ignored it in favor of finally being able to take the official papers and note taking supplies out of his bag.

“GWAHAHAHAHA!!”

The room fell silent at the king’s boisterous laugh; who knew Greenie- no, Luigi, could have such a petty side to him? It took balls to disrespect another kingdom’s royalty outside of their usual battles, and Bowser could respect that, to an extent.

A heavy clawed hand whacked the plumber on the back for finally growing a spine, and in such a hilarious way too! Said plumber made a disgruntled sound when his papers, and himself, almost fell.

Gathering his items, Luigi side glared at him and readjusted so he was basically straddling Bowser’s leg while using the king’s knee as a table. Oh. Well.

Bowser’s eyebrows jumped in surprise, the shorter man must’ve really been pissed off if he wasn’t even acknowledging such a scandalous pose. He coughed. He knew his kingdom was hot but was it getting even hotter or was it just him? Ah, whatever.

“Start the meeting,” he said, leaning on the opposite arm rest with his cheek in his hand.

“But, Sir-”

“Doesn’t matter,” Bowser growled, “We’ve wasted enough time. Start. It.”

And with that, negotiations with the Mushroom Kingdom finally started. And if Bowser sneaked a few peaks at Luigi’s ass, well, that was his business.

Bonus:

bowser gets bored during normal meetings and jiggles his leg sometimes

he forgets luigi’s on his lap and starts doing it but luigi grunts at him and uses his thighs to tighten his hold  so he won’t fall off

because luigi’s using bowser’s knee as a writing surface and said knee is lower than a table cuz he’s sitting on it, luigi has to bend over a little to write comfortably

this means that sometimes, when writing notes, he’s got his hands on bowser’s knee trying to keep the papers flat and bowser keeps noticing his butt

thankfully the council members don’t notice cuz they’re all debating with each other

kamek notices bowser noticing tho ( ;=-=)

stupid sexy luigi, distracting him from his meeting LINK to simpsons reference

______________________________________________________________

vecchio troglodita rimbambito = old dumb troglodyte

signora = miss/ ma'am

signore = sir

per favore = please

[asktheprivatekids-blog]

“Give me asks im bored :D”

[betadunsparce]

Obligatory Mario Odyssey Creepypasta

I had waited so long for this! I loved MArio Galaxy 2 and had waited so long for a new 3D Mario game to come out. I saved up all year in order to get a Nintendo Switch and Mario Odyssey on release day. I was so pumped to play it! Unfortunately, due to my busy schedule (I work as a plumber cause I love Mario so much!), I never had time to preorder Mario Odyssey, so when I went to my local Gamestop, they were already sold out. You could say I made a “Blooper” (or maybe even a “Big Blooper,” like from Super Paper Mario!) Disheartened but not deterred, I drove to the small downtown area of my town (good ol’ Chester, you know where it is!). I was hoping maybe Target or Walmart would still have a copy, but alas they did not. As I was ready to give up and order a copy off of Amazon, I noticed something peculiar. There was a Gamestop open downtown. I remembered going to this Gamestop when I was a kid, but I thought it had closed down because corporate didn’t think our town needed three Gamestops within 5 miles of each other. But it looked open, just as I remembered it as a kid. Maybe it had reopened?

I “long jumped” (that’s a Super Mario speedrun joke fyi!) as fast as I could into the Gamestop to see if they had a copy of Mario Odyssey. I landed right in front of the cashier and asked her if they had any. She looked at me with a dead stare and slowly nodded. She was probably jealous that she wouldn’t get to play it for a few more hours! Come to think of it, she was really pale. Maybe she should us the portable functionality of the Nintendo Switch to play Super Mario Odyssey outside to get some sun! Anyway, she handed me my copy of Mario Odyssey and I paid her $60 worth of “coins” (I make all my purchases in gold dollar coins because they look the most like Mario coins!). She slowly counted them out, but I knew it was the right amount so I quickly backwards longed jumped (another speedrun strat!) back to my car and drove home. Thankfully no blue shells hit me on the way back!

I backwards long jumped up my apartments staircase in order to clip through the ceiling and land in my bedroom (some more speedrun humor!). I tore open the plastic on the case and opened it up, taking a second to appreciate the box art. This is when I noticed for the first time something peculiar. Both Mario and Cappy (that’s the name of his magic hat for those not in the know) were looking right at me. No matter how I moved the box, their eyes stayed focused on me (like Mr. I from Super Mario 64!). I figured it must be an optical illusion, like the Mona Lisa, but I still thought it was weird that no one had mentioned this before on /v/ (where I get all of my vidya related news). But I was in too much of a rush to get my Mario fix to care, so I hurriedly popped the cartridge into my mouth to ensure that it was an official Nintendo cartridge. Sure enough, it tasted awful. But unlike the strong, bitter taste I had been led to believe, it tasted rather cupric, almost as if it tasted like

BLOOD!!!!

I spit the cartridge out and completely ignored the previous revelation. I put the game into my Switch and booted it up. I was so excited to play a 3D Mario game again! I got to the title screen, and that was when I finally knew something was up. Instead of saying “Super Mario Odyssey” like it was supposed to, the title screen instead read “URMRGAY.”

….

I mean it said “Super Mario O-DIE-ssey!” I now knew that something was wrong with this game, but I chose to play it anyway. Demons or ghost (stupid Boos!) or whatever weren’t going to get in the way of my playing a Mario game!

I started the game and was immediately dumped into New Donk City. Unlike all the trailers, there were no people in the city. I moved Mario around searching for any signs of life, but to no avail. However, every time I moved Mario to face the camera, both his and Cappy’s eyes looked directly at me, just like on the box art. Since I was unable to progress, I decided I would turn the game off and try again in the morning. But when I pushed the power button on the Switch, nothing happened. I tried several more times, and even tried unplugging both the Switch and the TV. Upon unplugging them, Mario began cackling. “FOOLISH MORTAL” Mario bellowed from both the TV and Switch screen simultaneous, “IN SUPER MARIO ODYSSEY, YOU DO NOT CONTROL MARIO. MARIO CONTROLS YOU!!!!!!”

I screamed in terror as Mario tossed Cappy directly towards the screen. The glass on my television shattered, and a Cappy plushie flew out from the screen and landed on my head. Before I could think, I looked down at my hands and began to grin. I was no longer controlling myself. Mario had taken control of my body and was now free to do whatever he willed. He began cackling, even more madly than before. What happened next is a blur in my memory.

He began by throwing out all of my cumjars that I had worked so hard to make over the years. I thought only Bowser would be capable of such evil (although I would have gladly given them to Bowser…). Once he was done, he vomited in the toilet for a few minutes, probably in order to harm my body. Next he called my mom and apologized to her for calling her a bitch at Thanksgiving dinner. He told her that I had deep seeded issues with women and that I was going to try to get better. Obviously he doesn’t know my mom, she’s a bitch!

Finally, Mario committed the most insidious act of all. He took a few selfies in my body and used them to create a Grindr account. How dare he? I’m not gay, why would I need a Grindr? I only watch gay porn because I hate women, not because I’m gay!

I woke up the next morning and immediately drove to Gamestop to return this obviously cursed game. When I got there, I saw the most horrifying thing of all: there was no Gamestop there, as it had been replaced by a PUBLIX!

I ran into the Publix (rather than long jumping, as I had become disillusioned with Mario by this point) and saw the cashier from Gamestop yesterday. I asked her about it and she said she had never heard of video games before. This was shocking. I spent the next few hours explaining what video games were to her, then left.

 Anyway if you saw me on Grinder under the name “Gaybowser69″ (which btw, is NOT actually what Mario says when he tosses Bowser in Super Mario 64) its because Mario possessed my body and made that account it wasn’t actually me, also I still hate you mom.