#'only use fun cards like the anime'

[raccoonskoodilypoopdungeon]

hate seeing shit like "don't play meta cards. there are so many fun cards." maybe consider the idea that meta cards can be fun to play with.

[luck-of-the-drawings]

!!! FLASHING LIGHTS WARNING!!! [IM NOT FUCKIN AROUND!!]

REACHED THE CUSP OF 'THIS MAY NEVER BE ABSOLUTELY FINISHED N IF I DONT SHOW IT NOW, IT WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY.' SO HERE, A PROJECT IVE BEEN ORBITING AROUND UHH SINCE 2021 OR SO.

[omarwolaeth]

I am grabby hands-ing for predap support in duel links rn.

[bitchy-craft]

PICK A CARD: Your next nice surprise

Hello and welcome to this new post of mine! In here I will give you a reading on what your next surprise is going to be. I hope you guys enjoy and find this useful!

Masterpost > Paid Readings

NOTE: scammer alert, please read. I have been scammed recently and am in financial trouble because of the amount. Any help such as ordering a reading from me or supporting my posts would be appreciated🩷

~pick a card~

Pile 1:

You will be blessed with a little bit when it comes to financials. Think of getting an enormous discount on things you often buy, getting back a certain amount of money you have been waiting for (if it’s not through fraud > looking at you rn if you see this). You might even be walking through the city and find a bit of money on the ground. Small financial blessings such as these will be coming your way. And even though it won’t be a big amount of money, it will be money nonetheless, and therefore a nice surprise coming your way.

Try not to look for these things, since you will most likely not even notice it if you overthink it. Let it all happen and before you know this nice, little surprise of yours will be right in front of your feet.

Pile 2:

If you have been waiting for a review back of some kind such as a grade or a response back from a job interview or an application for a school of sorts. This is your confirmation that it will all be okay and you will get a good grade on that thing, you will be accepted for that job and you will be able to get closer to that dream school of yours. There is nothing to worry about, because this will be the surprise waiting for you; it will most likely come way earlier than you expected as well.

So lay back, try to be confident in this outcome, and have fun until the good news finally arrives at your doorstep.

Pile 3:

A certain wish regarding animals will come true for you. Maybe you wanted to go to a zoo for a while, or an aquarium of sorts, maybe something like a dolphin show; you will be getting tickets and get going soon for these things. Some of you have been wishing to get a pet of some kind, which will be coming to you as well.

If your pet is sick, this is confirmation that they’ll get better again, even if it might seem unlikely at first (or right now). If you ever wished to see a certain animal, they will cross your path soon, although you shouldn’t try to force this dream; it will only create more nervousness and distractions from you. Trust that what you are wishing to come is coming, and before you know it, it will be there already.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

BORIS JOHNSON RESIGNS AS MP. Thoughts? The people howl for a new update to the Big Dog the Clown saga.

Yes this was not on my personal bingo card; my most recent Big Dog event was that a friend of mine works for air traffic control and recently had to delay BoJo's holiday flight by four hours, and on being told that this particular plane had to be prioritised for a runway slot because it contained an Important Clown promptly pushed it to the bottom of the priority list. Lol. And then all this! What larks.

Okay not a lot of detail yet still but LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE EVENTS OF 9TH JUNE, 2023 and you know what? It's been a while. Let's do it properly.

7.15am

Another day dawns in the reign of evil Grand Vizier-turned-PM Rishi Sunak. He's a very boring flavour of evil, tbh. Say what you will about Johnson, but at least there was spectacle and showmanship to his clownshow. Something for the children to boo and hiss. An animate ham in a villain's wig, something to really enjoy as you sit back, relax, and savour a tall, cool glass of schadenfreude.

By contrast Rishi just gets sycophants - who are no less ridiculous, but far more grey and boring - who pretend he's a tech bro because "he understands AI" and they think that will make him a visionary and a man of the future and maybe some sort of Elon Musk figure, because that's obviously a smashing template to be copied in a leader of a country.

This briefing was presumably drafted using ChatGPT.

Anyway, this is what we thought the day would be: another dreary overcast washout, livened up by Downing Street's latest attempt at making Sunak seem like a good idea to stave off the hulking spectre of Labour's inevitable GE win next year. How trite. How tedious. How mediocre.

What a shame it would be if... something were to liven it up.

8.39 am

Fun fact!

When a PM's term ends, as their last act in office, they get to present an Honours List. This means they write a list of all the people they reckon have been Jolly Good Sorts who have done Good Clowning and Supported The Community, and nominate those people for honours. Honours here can be anything from an MBE/OBE etc, to a Damehood/Knighthood, all the way up to entering the Peerage i.e. becoming a Lord. Traditionally, people have been fairly reasonable with these lists. Apart from anything else, the outgoing PM can only write the list - the new Prime Minister has to sign off on it, and it's usually the case, of course, that PMs are deposed by the opposition party.

Why am I mentioning this? Well: Boris, you see, has now presented his list to Sunak to validate. You may be unsurprised to learn that it contains quite a lot of clowns.

Another fun fact!

If a sitting MP is given a Peerage, they cannot continue to be an MP. MPs are elected. Lords are not. So an MP offered a lordship right now would have to stand down if they accepted, triggering a by-election in their seat that... well. That anyone could win, couldn't they? Ordinarily. Except Labour's shadow is growing, isn't it? I don't suppose Sunak would be all that happy about losing, for example, any Tory MPs nominated for a peerage right now.

What fun facts.

At 8.39am, Politics UK reveals an as-yet-unverified report that Nadine Dorries and Alok Sharma have been removed from Boris Johnson's honours list, and will go back to vetting.

(They also reveal that Big Dog's dad has been removed from the list, because nominating your dad for a Peerage is "inappropriate". Sorry, Bigger Dog. Apparently even corrupt ghoul Rishi Sunak has a limit to what open corruption he will allow, which is news to us all, most of all Rishi.)

10.41am

Nadine Dorries decides she will play to her strengths, and appear on TV to do some Public Speaking, which always goes well for her of course.

Nothing, let's remember, has been confirmed yet at all. But she's here to put people's minds at ease! No power-hungry status-chasing pink maniac, she! She is very clear in her aims.

“The last thing I would want to do would be to cause a by-election in my constituency.”

Quite right, Nadine. That would be disastrous.

11.20am

Oh, it’s Tory think tank NRG’s conference in Doncaster today.  Gideon George Osborne, pig-stupid former Grand Vizier and idiot fail-heir to David "pig-fucker" Cameron, gives a speech.  Let's see some quotes!

On the Tories’ choices of chancellors since he personally fell on his sword over Brexit left the role:

“You can see when the partnership doesn’t work. The government's paralysed and the politics is terrible.”

Fair, but also you are a government, George.

On Tories who attack the civil service:

“We’re in charge of our country’s destiny. We should stop blaming others if we don’t get things right." 

... right. But you just... Uh.

On Tory culture warriors:

“It’s really important that the Conservative Party is excited about the country we aspire to lead… and doesn’t get in to ‘we’re against all these groups of people’. We’re the inclusive people.”

Well, points for clearing that absurdly low bar, I guess. Christ, I cannot BELIEVE Suella Braverman is making George fucking Osborne look good-by-comparison.

1pm

Ooh. Nadine's attempts to put minds at ease have inexplicably not worked, can't think why not. She's such a reassuring and charismatic speaker normally.

But the rumour is now FLYING about that Nadine has indeed been dropped from the honours list, and specifically because Sunak wants to avoid a by-election that will lose him more seats at a time when he is desperate for even a mat on the floor as long as it's blue.

Sorry, Nads. Still; this morning you were very clear that the constituency comes first, so I suppose that's okay. The priority now is that she MUST stay in position, so the Tories can keep their numbers steady. It is VITAL she remains an MP. Let's remember her exact words!

“The last thing I would want to do would be to cause a by-election in my constituency.”

3.45pm

Nadine Dorries tweets her resignation.

The last thing she does as an MP is indeed to cause a by-election in her constituency.

3.50pm

Except this is Nadine Dorries we're talking about. She's found some flashy balls to juggle, look, and a boy to pour custard down her trousers.

Not five minutes after dropping the bombshell, she deletes the last tweet announcing her resignation, and tweets a new one.

The new tweet says, “it is now time for another to take the reins” as the MP for Mid-Bedfordshire.

The original tweet said, “it is now time for someone younger to take the reins.”

*

On Talk TV, Dorries says that "something significant did happen to change my mind", but doesn’t elaborate.

3.56pm

The whispers are whispering. The rumours are rumouring. The knives are sharpening.

Nadine's now-former seat is Mid-Bedfordshire, and has been Tory since 1929; a safe seat, which certainly explains how Nadine fucking Dorries managed to hold it for as long as she did.

An MP on the right of the Tory party says that if the Tories lose the Mid Bedfordshire by-election, it’ll open questions about Rishi Sunak's leadership CLOWNFALL 3: REVENGE OF BIG DOG LET'S GOOOOOO

3.57pm

Nadine Dorries is removed from the WhatsApp group.

I would love to know who leaked that image. I really should not have that image. Ah well. Now you do too.

4.12pm

Good tweet alert!

5.08pm

Phew! What a day. Let's see how Rishi's getting on.

He approves the rest of BoJo's honours list. Shall we take a look at our newly-honoured citizens? Shall we see what familiar names crop up?

Honours for staff at centre of Partygate Jack Doyle, Rosie Bate-Williams and Shelly Williams-Walker (and a lot of other terrible and disgraced people who were loyal to Johnson, and some of Carrie Antoinette’s friends).

Damehoods for Andrea Jenkyns and Priti Patel.

Knighthoods for Jacob Rees-Mogg, Conor Burns, and Michael Fabricant.

An OBE for Kelly Jo Dodge, Parliamentary hairdresser.

Also honours for Ben Houchen, currently at the heart of a media storm about dodgy property deals.  His huge regeneration project in Teesside is subject to a government investigation regarding the governance, finance and value for money.

*

(Interesting point – Tory MPs Allister Jack and Nigel Adams were offered peerages, but decided to wait, since accepting now would trigger by-elections.

Why were they offered at all, do you think?)

*

So … this means Michael Fabricant is now Sir Michael Fabricant.  Like, actually.  Genuinely.

Nice one, Rishi. Thank goodness you understand AIs.

5.44pm

The Guardian’s Pippa Crerar - journalist who brought down Big Dog one Partygate reveal at a time - tweets her guide to he honours list:

Martin Reynolds, former PPS, invited 200 officials to drinks in Downing St garden.  He told officials to "bring your own booze", later adding: "We seem to have got away with it".

Shelley Williams-Walker, getting a Damehood, was No 10 head of opps & now runs his office.  At No 10 party the night before Prince Philip's funeral she was dubbed "DJ SWW" for her banger playlist.

Jack Doyle & Rosie Bate-Williams, who get OBEs, were press spox who repeatedly denied the parties happened

Dan Rosenfield, who gets a peerage, quit in mass exodus of senior No 10 staff as anger over Partygate grew.  Former chief of staff faced reports he was among senior Downing Street officials who attended a Christmas quiz when restrictions were in place.

Shaun Bailey, who ran unsuccessfully for London mayor, gets a peerage, and Ben Mallett, a close friend of Carrie Antoinette's who ran Zac Goldsmith’s disastrous mayoral campaign, gets an OBE. Both are in this picture of a lockdown-flouting party at CCHQ:

What a sea of punchable faces.

7.58pm

But we've been so focused on Nadine! She's fucked up her juggling, look, but she's sliding around on the rollerskates, ever so distracting. But here's the thing, Tumblrs, here's the thing:

Among all of this, what's the Chief Clown doing?

The Privilege Committee reveals in their draft report that Boris Johnson misled Parliament, and recommends a sanction of more than 10 days.

Does that sound too little? Are you wishing it were smething more meaningful? Let me help put it in context.

This sanction would be enough to trigger a by-election in Johnson’s seat.

8.02pm

Boris Johnson

QUITS

as an MP

The committee said Johson had “impugned the integrity” of the House of Commons. Fascinating! I didn't know its honour had ever been pugned.

He accuses the inquiry of trying to “drive me out”!!!!

"It is very sad to be leaving parliament - at least for now - but above all I am bewildered and appalled that I can be forced out, anti-democratically, by a committee chaired and managed, by Harriet Harman, with such egregious bias".

Worth noting that the committee has a Conservative majority, mind. But you mustn't let things like facts get in the way of your feelings, BlowJo. You never have as a politician. Nor as a journalist, come to that.

(Also SIDE NOTE – “at least for now”??  What are you planning, Big Dog??  I suppose Nadine is leaving an empty seat...)

8.41pm

Christopher Hope of the Daily Telegraph reports he’s heard rumours of a THIRD Tory MP potentially resigning – and another Johnson loyalist at that. Lol. Trololol. Lmao, even. Perhaps rofl.

11.43pm

And finally, the day is wrapped up with the Guardian revealing their front cover for the following day:

Big Dog is OUT, hot trans bloke is IN.

Not a bad finish.

[jinnie-ret]

perfect night

poly!stray kids x idol!reader

genre: fluff

content warnings: none

word count: 1k

requested: @whoswony

summary: in which stray kids are watching the opening show of their girlfriend's tour, sonder, and they come to realise a song is dedicated purely to them

1K FOLLOWERS PLAYLIST 💚🖤

MAIN MASTERLIST

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Oh how smug you felt, that a song you had written that was purely dedicated to your boys, could still be released and put onto your latest album, Sonder. Truth be told, it was masked as a song to all your 'girls' out there, about spending time with them being your most favourite thing in the world, and not needing anything else. That was how it actually made it onto the album. But you knew who you really wrote it for.

You wrote the song for Chan, who dedicated his life to protecting each of his partners and prioritising them over himself.

For Minho, who willingly let you read him like a book and get to know him because he wasn't scared of opening up to you.

For Changbin, who often indulged in late night deep conversations with you, whether they were trivial matters that you spiraled deeply into, or more serious ones that helped each of you lift the weight off of your shoulders.

For Hyunjin, whose dramatic antics yet romantic attitude always made you swoon, no matter how goofy he would suddenly become.

You wrote it for Jisung, who always managed to keep you on your toes, whether it be from him bursting into song, his sleep clinginess or his rambles about his new favourite anime that inspired him to write a song or two.

For Felix, who was your constant source of happiness, smiles radiating sunshine and reflecting his light across your shadows, forever brightening your day.

For Seungmin, your cheeky yet very emotionally intelligent partner in crime who helped you stay rational in times when all you could see was doom and gloom.

And finally for Jeongin, who always insisted his admiration for you, was levels above your own for him, because he couldn't believe that it was possible for anyone to be more adored in this world than you.

They were all you needed. And you couldn't wait to show them that, and finally be able to express that to them through the other thing you all loved - music.

-★-★-★-★-★-

Gorgeous yet eery piano notes echoed across the walls of the stadium as you made your entrance, like you were a mystical being that your fans laid their eyes upon.

"She's so hot," Jeongin sighed as he leant across the railings.

"Real," Hyunjin nodded, tongue grazing his upper lip.

"Stop perving on our girlfriend," Seungmin sighed and whacked them on the backs of their heads.

Your boyfriends were sat on an upper tier of the seating in the stadium, safely away from fans and any possible suspicions to why they were there. Luckily, if that case was ever made, fans would be sure to defend you, knowing that you and Jeongin were friends at SOPA.

If only they knew that the two of you were way more than friends. As well as his seven other band members.

Suddenly a new track they hadn't heard started playing, some calming guitar sounding out before a drum track starting kicking in and their girlfriend's poppy voice blended perfectly with the music.

"Come and take a ride with me, I got a credit card and some good company..."

"Wait, that's about us, right?" Chan's eyes widened and a big grin appeared on his face.

"She literally said her girlies," Minho said bluntly, making Chan laugh.

"We're sort of the girlies," Han shrugged.

"Yeah Jisung you do give baby girl energy to be fair," Felix laughed.

"So does Binnie," Jisung added on, smiling as their girl performed.

The fun, light-hearted choreography made you shine with your bright energy.

"I feel so proud, wahhh," Changbin held his hand over his heart, bopping along to the music much like his other boyfriends.

"Quick, let's head backstage!" Felix pushed his other boyfriends forwards down the stairs in pure excitement as the concert came to an end.

-★-★-★-★-★-

Stretched out on the sofa in your dressing room, sipping from some water, you nearly choked on your mouthful as the door burst open with eight men pouring through.

"You were so good!"

"That song was about us right?!"

"Right?!"

You giggled as you were quite literally smothered in their love, kisses being peppered across your face, your neck, your hands, swallowed up in the arms of your boyfriends.

"Yah! What if I was getting changed?" you gasped playfully as you pushed them all away.

"I wouldn't be complaining," Hyunjin smirked before getting a neck slap from Minho.

"Hey!"

And on they went playfully fighting as Chan gave you one of his hoodies he brought with him, just for you.

"Thanks love," you smiled fondly, pulling the fluffy black hoodie over your head as Jeongin tugged you into his arms.

"You really wrote a song about us?" Felix grabbed your hands to gain your attention.

"How could you tell?" you pushed your lips together, trying not to let any words spill out straight away. You'd keep them guessing just that bit longer, that was your game.

"Credit card and some good company? You literally said that to us one time," Seungmin shrugged knowingly, with shake of his head to get the hair out of his face. He had been growing it longer recently - no objections from you.

"That could just be about my friends," you feigned ignorance.

"Nah!"

"No way!"

"Hey I have friends!" you stood up, folding your arms and detesting their claims.

"We know you do, we know love," Changbin back hugged you tightly.

"But you also have us, hmm?" Minho smirked, tickling under your chin like you were one of his cats.

"And we're way better company!" Han declared, from his spot sat on top of Jeongin as he teased the younger and cooed like you all normally did with the maknae.

"I think Jeongin would disagree," you said dryly.

"I would!" the fox boy choked out, nearly sounding suffocated with distraught as he wrestled the older boy off of him.

"But you wouldn't, would you? Don't deny it, that song was for us," Seungmin pointed out.

"Mmm, sure, whatever you want to believe," you looked down at your feet shyly, knowing there was no turning back from here. They had caught you out. But you didn't mind anymore, you were happy because they were too.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

tagged: @skz-streamer @kiraisastay @hannahhbahng @kpopmenace143 @sakufilms @kai-lee08 @arloo00 @dunno-wut-to-do @splat00z @cheesemonky @his-angell @turtledove824 @2minstan @royal-shinigami @yangbbokari @skzoologist @crabrangoongirl25 @atinyniki @writingforstraykids @minholing @lilmisssona @astraysimp @j-one25

[indie-ttrpg-of-the-week]

Trans made TTRPGs

Due to… recent events that I would rather not talk about, today's post is a highlight of different tabletop games made by trans peeps! These games are fantastic in their own right, of course, but you can also know that they were made by incredibly cool and attractive people

(Also, these are flyover descs of the game, they'll get more in-depth singular posts later, this is because I am lazy)

Perfect Draw is a phenomenal card game TTRPG that was funded in less than a day on backerkit, it's incredibly fun and has simple to learn hard to master rules for creating custom cards, go check it out!

Songs for the dusk is fucking good, pardon my language, but it's a damn good post apocalyptic game about building community in a post-capitalist-post-apocalypse-post-whatever world. do yourself a favor and if you only check out one game in this list, check this one out, its a beautiful game.

Flying Circus is set in a WW1 inspired fantasy setting full of witches, weird eldritch fish people (who are chill as hell), cults, dead nobility, and other such things. It's inspired by Porco Rosso primarily but it has other touchstones.

Wanderhome is a game about being cute little guys going on a silly adventure and growing as the seasons change, its GMless and very fun

https://weregazelle.itch.io/armour-astir Armour Astir has been featured in here before but its so damn good I had to post it twice. AA demonstrates a fundamental knowledge of the themes of mech shows in a way that very few other games show, its awesome

Kitchen Knightmares is… more of a LARP but its still really dang cool, its about being a knight serving people in a restaurant, its played using discord so its incredibly accessible

https://grimogre.itch.io/michtim Michtim is a game about being small critters protecting their forest from nasty people who wish to harm it, not via brutal violence (sadly) but via friendship and understanding (which is a good substitute to violence)

ok this technically doesn't count but I'm putting it here anyways cuz its like one of my favorite ttrpgs of all time TSL is a game about baring your heart and dueling away with people who you'll probably kiss 10 minutes later, its very very fanfic-ey and inspired by queer narratives. I put it here because its made by a team, and the expansion has a setting specifically meant to be a trans "allegory", so I'll say it counts, honestly just go check it out its good shit

https://willuhl.itch.io/mystic-lilies

Mystic Lillies is a game inspired by ZUN's Touhou Project about witches dueling powerful foes, each other, and themselves. Mystic Lillies features rapid character creation and a unique diceless form of rolling which instead uses a standard playing card deck.

https://preview.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/141424/nobilis-the-game-of-sovereign-powers-2002-edition I… want to do a more general overview on Jenna K as an important figure in indie RPG design, but for now just know that Nobilis is good

https://temporalhiccup.itch.io/apocalypse-keys Apocalypse Keys is a game inspired by Doom Patrol, Hellboy, X-men, and other comics about monstrousness being an allegory for disenfranchisement. Apocalypse Keys is also here because its published by Evilhat so its very cleaned up and fancy but I love how the second you check out the dev's other stuff you can tell they are a lot more experimental with their stuff, this is not a critique, it is in fact a compliment

Fellowship! I've posted about this game before, but it is again here. Fellowship has a fun concept that it uses very well mostly, its a game about defining your character's culture, and I think that's really really cool

Voidheart Symphony is a really cool game about psychic rebellion in a city that really does not like you, the more you discover for yourself the better

Panic at the Dojo is a phenomenal ttrpg based on what the Brazilian would call "Pancadaria", which basically means, fucking other's people shit up. Character Creation is incredibly open and free, meaning that many character concepts are available

Legacy 2e is a game about controlling an entire faction's choices across time, its very fun

remember to be kind to a trans person today! oh also don't even try to be transphobic in the reblogs or replies, you will be blocked so fast your head will spin

[wannaeatramyeon]

Lookism: I can fix him (no really I can)

G/N. Gun, DG, Sammy, Jakey, Ryuhei, Goo, Vin

You didn't roll up your sleeves, ready to fix the men that came into your life. As if you were some amber or red flag magnet, and you had ample time and energy and patience to sort out their issues. Somehow though, it happened anyway. Slowly. Little by little.

With yourself more of a dubious observer more than anything.

Only a fool would invite someone like Gun into their life and not expect troubles. The pitch black eyes are already an obvious omen.

Except. Gun has second thoughts around you. Peaks of humanity showing through his cracks. Fun for Gun used to be fights and bloodshed. Letting his demons out fully. He can never be completely tamed but he realises there's joy, a bone-deep peace, in other things too.

Namely, your company.

James plays his cards to his chest. As James Lee, as Diego Kang, as whoever he may be in the future.

Hides his intention and true character with a detached, arrogant smile. Buries into himself further with his shiny k-pop persona, not letting anyone see his authentic self.

Your touch first cracked his well polished veneer. Your words and keen eyes, astute and observant, blew the gap wide open.

He realises there's no more hiding with you.

Samuel doesn't lack motivation or discipline with most areas of his life. When it comes to his mental health though, it's sorely lacking. Though, delusional and lacking introspection, he never realised it was a problem until you.

He notices your smile dimming during the beginning of his spirals. Feels your absences as he plummets to rock bottom. Craves you with every part of his being as he soars into mania.

Your worried looks and trembling bottom lip gives him the final push he needs to want to improve.

Being Gapryong's son is a part of who Jake is, irrefutable and undeniable. As much as he likes to convince himself he is nothing like his dad, he has fortunately taken all his best traits and foregone the worst.

However. It takes someone like you to come along, that loves all the parts of him-

(Son of the legend of the Pre-generation, the Boss of Big Deal... And the quietest part, the part of him dimmed and muted through the challenges of life, simply Jake Kim, where he can be as he wants to be.)

-For him to finally accept all parts of himself too.

When Ryuhei crushes, falls, obsesses, he finds it hard to fit the whole image of someone in his head.

All their imperfections and flaws and faults are non-existent in his mind. Which sounds harmless and sweet at first thought, but he could never truly connect with anyone if he is only able to see his own perception of them.

But then you showed him all sides of you, forced him to acknowledge the good with the bad, experience the troughs with the peaks.

Until, over time, he fully sees every facet of you.

Being with Goo is like trying to domesticate a wild animal.

He has glimpses of docility assuming he is well fed and well entertained, though he is still likely to bite the hand that feeds at any moment. Of course, only someone used to getting his way would continue being this... deranged.

You take no prisoners. Uncompromising in the way you should be treated, respected, until Goo has no choice but to also fall in line if he wants to keep you by his side.

Vin keeps himself barbed and prickly. Masks his true feelings, his own insecurities, with jokes and insults. Has made more people cry than he can remember and ignores any guilt with a shrug of his shoulders.

He's not a sociopath. It's just that he's been this way for so long he doesn't know how to be anything else.

You cut through the bullshit, give him no judgement for who he is, how he looks, but how he acts.

His jokes are still rude. Insults still mean. But there's no longer any cruelty.

[feyhunter78]

Can you please do part two of Pink Pastels? Thank you 🩷

I definitely can!!! I'm honestly such a sucker for dual povs I swear it's like my calling card, so this chapter is in Miguel's pov! Fun fact: the bf in this story is based off my best friend's college boyfriend who showed up high out of his mind to her place of work SEVERAL times (I obvi changed his name though bc I'm a nice person)

Pt 3

Pink Pastels Pt 2

Miguel searches through every database, has Lyla run your face, your name, every detail he can find about you, and yet you only seem to appear here, in this universe where he swoops in right as your universe’s Miguel dies.

No one notices the switch. Not even his coworkers at Alchemax. In fact, they seem to welcome his “new attitude,” and he finds himself with a raise within the first two months.

This universe is quiet, the other him died from a fluke, embarrassingly enough. But it was so random, so unpredictable, that no one questioned “his” survival. So, life goes on as it had before, how he had watched it go on before.

The old woman who lives next door and watches Gabi when he’s “called into work late,” smiles at him, praises him for working so hard for his daughter. Gabi wakes up in the morning to him, her father, like always, eats breakfast, strawberries, blueberries, and honey on her toast, scrambled eggs with cheese, tomatoes, peppers, and a glass of milk. Then he drops her off at school on his way to work.

The monitors beep at him, and he turns back towards them. Finally, it’s found you in his universe, the victim of a plane crash, years before Gabi would even be born. It’s a painless death. You were among those killed on impact. Gone in a moment, but as he watches you here, in this new universe where his daughter is happy and thriving, he realizes just how desperately he wished he would have found you before you ever set foot in that airport.

“She’s pretty.” Lyla says, leaning forward, a teasing smile on her face. “Looks like someone’s got the hots for teacher?”

“No.” He deadpans, though he can’t tear his eyes from you. You’re sitting in a Mexican restaurant giggling into your margarita, another woman—Janey—sits across from you shoveling chips and queso into her mouth, making you laugh even harder.

You’re in that pink dress from earlier. It brightens your skin, hugs your curves but in a modest way, it’s more than appropriate for a teacher to wear, but he’s salivating at the thought of his talons tearing through it and exposing the soft flesh beneath.

Would you cry out for him? Cling to him as he fucks you? You look so pretty in pink, and he wants to go slow, keep you in that color for as long as possible, but he knows himself better than that. The moment he’s able to, he’ll shred the garment, leaving ribbons of fabric in his wake as he bends you over the nearest piece of furniture and slams into you. He wants to feel your warmth around him, hear you begging for him, his name falling from your perfect lips as he gropes your breasts, fangs scraping down your throat, marking you as his.

You laugh again at something the waiter said, and it’s musical, and perfect, you are perfect.

A twinge of jealousy, a foolish thing he knows, but the thought passes through his mind. It should be him making you laugh. He’s studied you now, he knows exactly what makes you laugh, what songs you hum as you prepare your classroom for the day, how you keep colorful Band-Aids in your purse because you just can’t turn off being a teacher, Janey.

And you’re Gabi’s favorite teacher, he wasn’t lying when he told you she talked about you, though he may have added the pretty part. She goes on and on about you, to the point where he almost doesn’t need the cams, he can get every bit of information from his daughter.

“And then, Ms. Y/N told us about her trip to Disney World! She went with her boyfriend, but I don’t know why.” Gabi says, collecting the animal shaped macaroni on her fork. He let her pick dinner, feeling guilty that he didn’t know she’d cried over her lost tooth.

He feels guilty about snapping at you too. He was already worked up, his job, the multiverse, traffic. And last night he forgot all about the Tooth Fairy, so in the morning Gabi was afraid the Tooth Fairy didn’t like her. But you don’t get rewards for losing things once you’ve grown up, and the idea of Gabi going into that pain blindly, having to watch as those she loves disappears around her makes him want to rip his heart from his chest.

“What do you mean Mija?” He asks, his own forkful of mac and cheese halfway to his mouth.

How had he missed you having a boyfriend? Was it serious? Did he treat you well? How easy would it be to make him disappear?

“Well, Ms. Y/N was really happy when she was talking about her trip, but then when she mentioned her boyfriend, she got sad.” Gabi explains, a frown tugging at her lips. “I don’t like him.”

“Yeah?” He prompts her, fighting the urge, to call up Lyla and have her run a search for your boyfriend.

“He came in one time on her birthday, but he was all weird and smelled bad.” Then she got up from the table and mimed stumbling and swaying. “And he walked like this. Ms. Y/N was really mad. Plus, he didn’t even bring her a present.”

Your boyfriend showed up to an elementary school—your place of work on your birthday, drunk, with no gift.

“That’s not nice, when was Ms. Y/N’s birthday?” If he was speaking to anyone but his daughter, he was sure they’d see right through them, but his sweet girl thought nothing of it.

“Last week, I wanted to tell you about it, but you were on your trip, so I told Tia Margo.”

Tia Margo, the old woman next door. He needs to speak with her about letting him know there was a drunk at his daughter’s school. Maybe next time he sees her in the hall, he’ll mention it to her.

“I wish you had told me, then maybe we could’ve gotten her a gift to make up for it.” He says, smiling at her, so she knows he’s not upset.

“I don’t think one gift would make it all better, she’s sad about her boyfriend a lot.” She emphasizes the last word, making the ending sound sharp as she stabs at her food.

“It sounds like he’s a bad boyfriend. Make sure you stay away from boys like him, Mija.” He can’t help but feel protective, even though she’s only six.

He watches as she eats, her hair in a simple braid, a sparkly pink hairband tying it off. “Who did your hair?”

She stops and proudly holds the braid up. “Ms. Y/N, well Emma did it first, but then it fell out when I did a cartwheel, so Ms. Y/N fixed it, and she said I could keep the hairband.”

If he focuses, he can smell the scent of you, mingled with the scent of his home, as if you’re already beside them in your rightful place.

“Maybe we should get her a thank-you gift?” He suggests, his heart warming at the excitement on Gabi’s face.

She is so good, so pure, and sweet. She is nothing like him, and yet she is everything he wished for her to be. He doesn’t know her mother, not in his original universe, but he knows her in this one, watched the other him break down over her leaving. Agony is a cannon event, no interference allowed. He hopes she never returns, that she stays away from his daughter. Doesn’t ruin her with her selfishness.

Just as your boyfriend is ruining you.

He waits until Gabi’s asleep to call out for Lyla. She appears and raises an eyebrow at the way he clutches your hairband.

“She has a boyfriend, find me everything you can on him.”

“I knew you had the hots for her.” Lyla laughs, disappearing before he can dismiss her.

He waits, packs Gabi’s lunch, slips two dollars under her pillow because he’ll be damned if his daughter believes some magical creature doesn’t like her, then cleans the kitchen and his bedroom three times over until finally Lyla returns.

“Okay, boss, you’re gonna want to sit down for this.”

Tag list: @nyctophilic0vitnir, @miggyoharaswife, @badbishsblog, @aeryns--playground

[cosmic-ghost-hermit]

What animal do you most resemble and why?

So just so yall know before you go to your piles. The animals in the pictures might not be the creature that you most resemble. I am using the Untamed Spirit Animal Oracle in this reading. Please take what resonates and leave the rest behind but always be open to new perspectives about yourself.

_________

PILE ONE

Astrology: Pisces, Sagittarius, Aries

Song: all i ever wanted by Mazie

Vibes: 🖤💙🔭✈️🕷🦋🕶🎓🐾🌏🌊🫐🍙🧊🎧♟🦽💎⛏🛋📘✒️💤♿️🔊♠️🏁

Cards: Lion, 5 of Cups, 7 of Wands, The Void, Karmic Relationships

Hi, pile 1! Welcome. These cards tell me you look most like a lion. I can see some of you have prominent noses that make your face very lion-like. All of you have the most piercing fierce eyes. I also see you have soft hands and nice nails that you probably get done regularly. You are legit gorgeous and you have this extensive hair routine you do almost every day. You might wear a bonnet to sleep or you have a silk pillow case to protect it. I can also see you are surprised by these compliments. You have some self-esteem issues that frustrate you a lot. These beliefs you have about your physical appearance are built around the opinions of others. First off, they only shit on you cus they are jealous. These cards have a weird undertone of relationships so I think maybe you had a partner at one point who was SUUUUPER jealous of how beautiful you are. Wow, they are pressed about it. They probably said some extremely mean things to you about your appearance that stick with you even though it doesn't look like they are around you anymore. I hear them saying you have RBF or something. You have literally nothing to feel insecure about my dear.. Like you complimented yourself in the mirror around this person and they like immediately tried to knock you down a peg. Dude, that person is SO ENVIOUUS. Don't listen to their words. You need to see through their words to the true emotions behind them. Don't let these jealous people dim you light, girl!!! Their words are not based on reality. It is distorted by their emotions. Just know when they look in the mirror all they hear is their momma tellin them they're ugly as fuck. They were just projecting their insecurities, baby.

PILE TWO

Astrology: Taurus, Leo, Aquarius

Song: Body Talks by The Struts, Kesha

Vibes: 💛🧡❤️💙🎁🧿💰🌅🏖🚦🚚🚎🎯🎭🏅🍹🫐🍂🌊🌈🌏🍁🐠🫂🤖🥶😰

Cards: Badger, 7 of Pentacles, 5 of Wands, The Seven Star Sisters, Jump In

Hey there, pile 2!! You have such an interesting energy. The animal you most resemble is the Badger. So from what I'm reading from the other cards this is less of a physical resemblance and more of an attitude resemblance. The way you hold yourself is like you do not give a fuck what anyone thinks about you. You had many people around you growing up who were considered "conventionally attractive" and for a long time, this bothered you. I think sometimes it does still bother you but you have grown your self-esteem a lot since you were little. You got tired of fighting for attention real quick. You realized how dumb the competition of appearance is and began to explore your expression more for fun rather than to fit in. You have a unique way of expressing yourself, especially with your make-up. Dark eye shadow is your signature look. It makes your already really unique eye color pop like nothing else. You dress very alternatively compared to your siblings and/or friends. The style does have a touch of whimsicalness to it too. I see some of the people who picked this pile have a curvy body type. You keep your hair short for the most part because it's easier to manage while short. You truly have such a fantastic head-turning style. I really do love your energy, my dear. Like, wow you are fucking awesome. I would have looked at you as a kid and wanted to look like you so bad.

PILE THREE

Astrology: Scorpio, Libra, Gemini

Song: The Middle by Jimmy Eats World

Vibes: 🤍🖤🔎🖋🧷📓🩺🔬🔌📷📼🎥🎹🎼🎤🎧🎬🌪🐚🪨🐇🕊🦢🐈‍⬛🕸🐰👟

Cards: Toad, Fox, 8 of Swords, 2 of Wands, Double Mission, Deep Cellular Healing

Oh, pile 3. This is gonna be a kind of shadow work-y kind of reading so just be prepared to be called out okay? Trigger warning for SA. You make yourself ugly on purpose. You hid your beauty from yourself. I dunno exactly what you do to hide it from others but I see you wearing clothes that keep your shape a secret. You do your make-up in a way that accentuates the dark cycles under your eyes. You make yourself look sick and dying. You force yourself to believe you resemble a Toad. I don't blame you, my friend. You went through something truly terrible that made you feel ugly so you express it outwardly constantly. You believe you are ugly because of what happened. What they did to you didn't taint your beauty, homie. You aren't dirty. You aren't hideous or unattractive naturally. You are so scared of what happened, happening again. It makes you put up these defenses in-order to feel safe. My friend you are already safe without these defenses. You might be doing way more harm than good, my friend. If you stopped hiding your true beauty from yourself, you would more resemble a Fox. These cards are encouraging you to heal from what happened to you mentally. Your reaction to what happened isn't wrong but you shouldn't destroy yourself because of how others treated you. You are stunning and so naturally gorgeous. I hear you saying that your feelings about what happened don't matter. That is a lie you tell yourself. That is a lie someone else told you. What happened to you was truly awful. What they did to you was disgusting but it doesn't make you disgusting. It makes THEM disgusting. What THEY did is disgusting. You are beautiful. You are so drop-dead, star-struck glamorous! You aren't a toad. You are a fox. Please embrace your authenticity because you deserve to feel good. You deserve to see your body for what it truly is.

PILE FOUR

Astrology: Cancer, Capricorn, Virgo

Song: Honey And The Bee by Owl City

Vibes: 🤍💖💛🦦😜👄☀️👟🐁👙👑🎂🐱🐻‍❄️🌙🦭🌸🌼🍣🍰⚾️🎗🎟🎲📿

Cards: Otter, Queen of Cups, The Well, A New Earth, Called

Pile 4. You are so fucking cute. Like so cute. Like I feel your energy and all I feel and think is "Awwww~ What a cuuutie!". You most resemble an Otter. Which in my opinion, ARE SO FUCKING CUTE!!! I see you like to color your hair in pastel colors and it's SUUUPER long. Like you have been growing out your hair for a while now. You have this cute little button nose and these super pretty dark eyes. Ohmygods you have no idea how much I think brown eyes are the prettiest eyes. You put a lot of creativity in your outfits so you always look so snatched and dolled up. You like the long flowy dresses and shirts that billow in the wind. They make you look like a fairy. You always smell like incense and sea salt. You probably love swimming or surfing or some kind of sport you play in the water so you are very lean. I see you might be pursuing some kind of profession in the beauty industry. Either that or you just look like a model and people think you are one. You wear these pretty flowers in your hair that give you this gorgeous halo of lavender. You have been absolutely blessed by Lady Aphrodite. She loves you like her child. She blesses you with fashion sense and soft features.

[yumeka-sxf]

It's been a few months since my last merch haul post, so time for another one! As usual, acrylic stands are my main purchases, with the below set being one of the rarest I've found 💖

The reason these are so rare is because I couldn't get them from my usual places on Amiami and Mercari JP. They're from a company called Ultrizon and are currently only sold in China. I saw them advertised on Twitter from a shop in Thailand and decided to reach out on the off chance that the shop would ship to the US. And much to my pleasant surprise, the shop, Chibishiba, replied and said that they would ship to me 😃 I was a bit concerned because they seemed to be just a small "mom and pop" shop, with only Twitter DMs as their form of communication and they kept track of everyone's orders in a google sheet. But I looked around on their social media and they seemed legit, so I placed an order (a few other fanatics I know on Discord did as well!) And thankfully, they were totally legit! They ordered the items from China, then once they shipped to Thailand, they then shipped to me in the US! Only took a few weeks 😁

Here's some more photos because they're so lovely~ For some reason the two Twiyor sets make me think of a scenario where they're going to a dance or other fancy event together (the left ones), but then something happens and they have to switch to "action mode" to stop a villain, save Anya, etc (the right ones).

Bond looks so adorable in his suit~ Also the one of Anya on the left is her totally thinking "Papa and Mama are so cool 🤩"

Even though I typically only buy merch with the Forgers, Yuri, Damian, and Franky were also part of this set. Lol, when I made the below photo of the three of them, I laughed because it looks like they're posing for a photo, with only Damian having fun…Yuri's like "whatever" and Franky's like "how long will this take, I have a date!" 😂

Besides the Ultrizon acrylics, the other ones I was most looking forward to getting were these chibi ones from the cruise arc (two different sets)

Between all of these, I now have acrylics of the Forgers' full wardrobe from the cruise arc 😅 My favorites are suit Yor, "I won't stop fighting" Yor, and Fun Dad Loid!

I really liked these Twiyor acrylics from the recent Tsukuba collab. It's like they're going on a hiking date ❤️

I also got these chibi "famous scene" acrylics from the Waku Waku Park event.

I've been trying so hard to get the complete set of these big acrylics for a few months now...I managed to find Loid and Anya, but no one is selling Yor 😭 (or Bond). I won't stop looking though!

As for non-acrylic figures, I've been looking forward to getting this Yor & Anya figure for over a year! It was actually one of the first SxF items I preordered, way back in November of 2022! Considering they had the colored prototype available way back then, I'm surprised it wasn't officially released until March of 2024. But worth the wait ❤️

For Code White's release, I got the set of Luminasta figures (all three for a good price on eBay).

Also chibi Loid & Yor~ I know there's a ton of chibi Loid and Yor figures out there, but I really liked these for some reason.

Last month I went back to Kura Sushi for the last merch from their recent collab: this nice shirt~ You were able to get it if your bill was at least $70, which isn't hard to do if you bring a friend with you and you both eat a bunch of sushi! (well, he did most of the eating, lol). I'm planning to wear it for the first time at Anime Expo in July 😁

They also had this little Anya dessert.

And miscellaneous items I recently got were these pretty picture cards that I plan to make scans of.

The McDonald's collab booklet, the season 2 complete set box, and the Loid & Anya cloth poster that came with the box. I also plan to make scans of these!

A mug from the Tobu Zoo collab.

And lastly, some new decals for my car! I found this set at Walmart of all places, lol. Found room for them among my other decals.

Since I bought so many new acrylics and figures lately, I had to do a major reorganization of my display shelves. But I'll save those photos for another post~

[shiftingdiariesofophelia]

i spend so much energy trying to make/find fun creative things to add to my scripts and i’m not gonna gatekeep, so here’s some of the funniest/weirdest/lowkey best things i’ve added to any of my scripts (that I haven’t talked much about before):

-I can always find things I need.

-Santa is real

-People just??? trust me??? I could genuinely tell someone that world war two was between the australians and canadians and they’d just be like yeah that checks out

-I don’t have allergies bc i hate sneezing

-Every pair of shoes I own are comfy as hell

-My hair can’t get knotted/tangled

-no periods because f that for real

-I always win/I’m naturally good at card and board games.

-Babies/Animals like me and will stop crying/whining/etc. when i’m around.

-cigarettes taste good and aren’t bad for you. i wanna be lana del rey coded so bad i guess

-i will literally never be in a situation where i have to kill someone. (useful for more dangerous drs!!!)

-random beef with the funniest character imaginable. hp dr? me and susan bones are arch enemies. fame dr? me and pete davidson indirect tweet each other all the time complaining. avengers dr? me and the ancient one are fist fighting in the mirror dimension idc

-indestructible things. i am clumsy and stupid i need this in every dr.

-pages don’t rip out of notebooks on accident (this has been the bane of my existence since 9 years old)

-I always have a hair tie when i need one. because you think you won’t need one, and then the second you don’t have it, you need it.

-people don’t smell. lifesaver.

-*random character* knows i shifted but can’t do a goddamn thing about it/doesn’t care and just goes with it. my favorite examples are Shane Dawson (fame dr) and Professor Trelawny (HP dr)

-i can’t get hurt in stupid ways (stubbing toe, tripping, etc.)

-if someone tries to shoot me the gun will literally fly out of their hand lmao (again, useful for dangerous drs)

-i know everyone’s phone passwords

-infinite toilet paper (for dystopia/woods/etc. drs, but could just be useful every day tbh.)

-i’ve always got some kind of out of pocket one liner for when the situation is too awkward

-tattoos don’t hurt (i am a pussy)

-adding random side characters/completely new mfers to my scripts because if i’m constantly around these fine ass bitches i know everything about i might actually have a heart attack

-when someone’s mean to me they get some form of karma in the next 24 hours directly related to how mean they were. call me stupid? enjoy tripping up the stairs. push me over? i hope you enjoy biting into a sandwich only to find the bread is moldy.

there’s probably more but this is just a short list of the first ones i could think of

[mitsies]

itoshi rin was born on the 9th of september, 19 years ago now.

that makes him a virgo, he thinks. not that he knows or cares what that means. it’s just another menial fun fact about himself he’s learned through fans. but he’s a virgo. or something.

his birthday used to mean something to him. when he was a little boy, so little, he wouldn’t be able to sleep the night before out of sheer excitement. waking up before the sun, he’d barge into his family’s rooms— his brother first, then parents— to alert them of the joyous occasion. because truly, there was no such event of that kind of importance. another year passed, another to celebrate. coming of life, again, and again.

that used to feel beautiful.

but then rin got older. and he stopped having a brother to wake up on birthday mornings, and his parents grew older. and it stopped mattering. he didn’t have time for a birthday. september 9th became the same as any other day, just a regular monday or tuesday, just another 1 out of 365. as his fame skyrocketed, people began celebrating for him. fans would surprise him with little trinkets and cards if the encountered him, and his parents (who had never stopped trying their bests to keep tradition alive) would tell him they loved him and mean it a little extra.

but for him it was always the same. wake up at the same time, do the same things, eat the same meals, talk to the same people— ones he saw every day, never the ones (or, one) he wanted to see— always the same, same, same. the year he turned 18, he woke up on september 9th having forgotten it was his own birthday. he was only reminded by a text from his mother. she had shared an old, old photo. a relic, really— a little tiny boy who looked so fragile, you could snap him in two, with big eyes and bigger lashes, stared blankly at the camera. a large, brand new kid’s sized soccer ball was held in his hands. and behind him, another child— one with a matching expression, but a little older and with brownish-reddish bangs— glaring at the camera as if he was already too good to have his picture taken. somehow, this picture makes him upset.

itoshi rin remembers the feelings. how wonderful it used to be, to wake up as if the whole world was waiting for you. to look forward to that. and he doesn’t think he’ll ever feel that again, not soon, not ever. joy is a thing of the past, outgrown like a little boy outgrows his first pair of cleats. birthdays are for people worth celebrating, he thinks. and as far as he’s concerned, that isn’t him.

but then he meets you.

march 12. he remembers that day. march 12, of the year he’d turn 20. you observe him from across the room— eyes widened, fixed, starstruck— and it’s nothing he’s not used to except for the fact that he thinks you’re pretty. the coffee shop is quiet, at 7 in the morning. he’s a regular, so he knows for a fact that you’re new around here. everything about you screams it— your posture, shifted to watch everything happening in the small space, how you’ve barely taken a sip of your drink, how you’re alone at the little table with two chairs— and he thinks that if he’s seen you before, he’d remember.

the barista slides him his drink. with a curt nod, he thanks her before retreating to a dark secluded corner to stand in like he’s some caged animal. and now rin knows you’re not from around here, because you pick up your drink and come over to speak to him.

he doesn’t remember what you said to him. he doesn’t remember what, or if, he replied. but he remembers you persisting, through his brick walls, through his shields. he remembers your laugh’s echo within those warm, warm, walls.

a coffee shared turns into two. then three. then a dinner date, and then the movies. then a late-night drive home, and then a first kiss. and then, itoshi rin is in love.

falling in love happens in stages, is what he’s always heard. but he disagrees. he’s always liked you, sure, a lot is he’s being honest. but he thinks he falls in love with you fully, in his entirety, on september 9th of the year he turns 21.

the both of you don’t officially live together, not yet, but you’re at his place so often you might as well move in. his alarm doesn’t go off to wake him. instead, he’s greeted by the smell of coffee (which he recognizes as that from his favourite café) and his clock reading 8:52 in the morning.

and then you come in.

still in your pajamas, you look particularly proud and particularly stressed with a platter of asymmetrical assorted breakfast items. “happy birthday,” you whisper, even though he’s fully awake now.

itoshi rin falls in love with you on september 9th. he thinks that you’ve made it all beautiful again.

[garfunklefield]

Who’s Your Daddy?

18+ viewer discretion is advised

Fem!reader/dom!Geto Suguru/sub!Gojo Satoru Warnings: revenge, threesome, threeway, pregnancy, possessive gojo/geto, cheating ? , voyeur reader, I’ll spoil it Geto is actually the father lmao, double penetration, anal rimming and fingering, anal sex, vaginal sex, pussy eating, tongue kissing, hot and heavy make out session, whiney sub Gojo, college AU, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, creampie, breeding kink sort of, mommy kink, puppy play/kink, daddy kink SORRY [Reader is called mommy, Gojo is called puppy, and Geto is called daddy] Word count: 4226 DESC: You always liked to have fun, but what happens when it bites you in the ass? Spoiler alert: you have no idea who got you pregnant.

I finally took off my nails for prom so I can write EVEN MORE NOW!!!

Also PSA I’ve had so many minors try and follow me recently just so u know. If u try I ALWAYS check and I will block u kk :3

REQUESTS and ASKS open!

When Suguru got the call you, his monogamous sneaky link, were pregnant … he passed out. 

Not literally but it sure as hell felt like it. He placed a hand on his neck and stared at the wall as you asked him if he was okay. How could he be okay? You were both Juniors in college with bright futures ahead of you. You had come into his life a few months prior, and it was history. Behind the building, in his car, bathroom stalls; You two were animals. And who needed condoms when he could just pull out and cum all over your back, stroking your head as he told you how good you did. Although, there had been a few occasions where you two decided to say fuck it and let him cum inside, opting to use a morning-after pill. You just felt so good as you clenched around his dick, moaning how no one else fucked you like he did. He loved the thought of being the only guy who fucked you. Maybe he was possessive like that. He wanted to be the only man fucking your cum right back into your cunt.

Now, when Satoru, your other monogamous sneaky link, got the call you were pregnant, he literally passed out. 

The thing was, you weren’t just fucking Suguru or Satoru. It was Suguru and Satoru. You played your cards right, insisting your sexual intimacy be a secret for the two of you to share. And since they were wrapped around your pretty little fingers, they obliged. They didn’t even tell each other. There was something about the two men you needed, and you didn’t ever think they’d be down to merging your sex lives. Clearly, you had never heard of them, they were synonymous with sharing everything they owned … including girls. How do you think they got so good at fucking you? They had to have practiced somewhere. Except, you never chose to believe it, seeing how possessive they’d get even just with you and you alone. 

Satoru was needy and handsy, turning every hangout into a sloppy and hot makeout session. His hands grabbed your ass and his mouth trailed messy kisses down your neck, all the while moaning how no one else could touch you, not like him anyway. His tongue slipped back into your mouth and he whimpered about how badly he needed to finger you, just for a little bit. 

Suguru got down to the point from the moment you entered his apartment, picking you up and pressing you against the wall. He kissed you passionately, having a bit more decorum than his best friend, while his hands wandered. He was more of a boob guy than an ass man, rubbing your nipples through your shirt every time. But they both had the same line “No one fucks you like how I do.” It was scary how the two were similar in that way. Protective of you and your sweet pussy. So you never even thought they’d be down to share you.

Satoru was the first to crack, calling his best friend to tell him the news. The phone rang and clicked a few times until it signaled someone else was on the other end. He watched as the screen popped up and his best friend appeared, smoking a cigarette. Which he only ever did when he was stressed. “What happened?” The white-haired male asked after a moment of the two staring at each other. Huh! They were both stressed! How weird! Almost like it correlates…

“No,” Suguru pulled the cigarette from his mouth and set it out of frame, “You only FaceTime me when something’s wrong. What’s wrong?” His voice, even though he seemed distraught, was still as smooth as silk. It filled his best friend's ears and almost calmed him, but not for long because the image of you carrying his seed filled him with anxiety once again. All three of you were freaked out, but you the most. You had fucked two best friends, and one of them got you pregnant! And you had no idea which one did it. You found yourself swimming with anxiety once you began to feel the symptoms, and then you felt sick once you held up the positive test. You had to tell them. Either you flipped a coin to decide the baby daddy or you fessed up … or you told both of them and hoped one of them would offer to pay for the abortion.

Gojo averted his gaze from the phone and let a sigh fall from his lips, “I got a girl pregnant.” That’s all he had to say as Suguru looked up and stared at his phone. In all of the world, the two best friends on campus just happened to get two separate girls pregnant at the same time? There was no way they… no! No! There’s no way! In that moment he pieced together exactly what had happened and he knew what you did. It made sense, how you’d stare hungirly at the both of them, not just one.

“Satoru…” He began and his best friend knew where he was headed, “I also got a girl pregnant.” He then uttered your name, to which Satoru responded with your name as well. “Well… shit. I think we got played.”

“No shit, we got played, Suguru!” He snapped back, turning his frown into a pout, “What the hell do we do now? One of us is the father!” Some of his white hair fell back into his eyes, which were covered by circular sunglasses. His friend pondered for a moment, looking away from the phone. What could they do aside from confronting her? The least they could do was give her a piece of their minds and dip. But… then he got an idea. 

~~~

You didn’t expect to hear a knock at your door so early in the morning, but you were already up so it didn’t bother you too much. It was strange when the person continued to knock as you walked up to your door. You didn’t realize that salespeople would be so insistent. As you opened the door, you prepared to hurl some cheap insult their way, but it fell flat on your tongue when you saw who exactly was waiting for you behind the other side of the door. A very tall Suguru and his very short best friend Satoru. They both had smug expressions as they watched yours fall. Well, shit. You were caught. You were completely and utterly caught.

“What are you both doing here…?” You asked, trying to cling onto any last bit of innocence you could muster. But it was no use. 

Satoru shook his head and motioned to your stomach, “One of us got you preggers.” And then his friend smacked him upside the head. The smaller one yelped and grabbed the back of his head, frowning, “Hey! What was that for!?”

“I said I would be talking, not you,” a sigh escaped Suguru’s plush lips and his narrowed eyes glanced at you. Even if he was pissed off, he still looked hot. Both of them looked hot! You couldn’t deny the fact that they were hot. Suguru was hot in a buff and angelic way, looking carved from the finest stone. Whereas Gojo was hot in a smug play-boy kind of way, flaunting his good looks with pride. You wanted to ride that smug look off of him while his best friend watched and smacked your plump ass. 

“Uhhh, did you guys wanna come in for this?” You asked, interrupting whatever Suguru was planning on saying next. The two boys nodded and you led them inside the apartment they had both been in more times than they could count. You could pinpoint which spots on your couch they’d fuck you in, and exactly what position you were in. Geto was into doggy style, so he could watch you bounce against his front, whereas his best friend was into a nice mating press, so he could watch you squirm underneath him. You bit your lip as you sat down on one of the chairs, letting the two men sit next to each other on the couch. You were getting confronted but all you could think about was getting fucked by the both of them until you couldn’t walk. 

“We know you’re pregnant by one of us. And we know you’ve been playing us,” Suguru began, looking over you with a narrowed expression, “We’re here to say we don’t need you, we have each other,” and then one of his hands found its way onto Satoru’s thigh, causing the other boy's expression to deepen in smug-ness. Oh, they were just going to rub in the fact you could’ve had both of them, huh? Fuckers. 

“Yeah. He could please me better than you could. Bitch,” Satoru grinned, putting his hand overtop his best friend’s. Why did that make you … wet? Why did you want them to make out in front of you, getting saliva over each other's faces as you watched? You couldn’t help but cross your legs and squeeze your thighs together as they continued on their spiel of how you meant nothing to them and you could never break up their friendship. It was all in one ear and out the other for you. You were too busy fantasizing about being in the middle of their muscular bodies, getting your asshole stretched and your pussy fucked, at the same time. 

At some point, Suguru had begun to notice the hazy blush forming on your cheeks and your wandering eye, slowly moving his hand up his friend's thigh, “You know Toru… we could rub it in her face even more, hm?” He only called him Toru when, well, when he was horny. Satoru got the message and tone switch and nodded, using one of his hands to turn Geto’s face to his, bringing their lips together. They were both loud and proud perverts; Any chance they got they’d fuck you. Even if they were mad at you, they couldn’t be mad at that perfect pussy for long. Their kiss didn’t stay G-rated for long, slipping into a sloppy makeout. You bit your lip as Suguru tilted his head and took in his best friend's bottom lip, using both hands to run up and down his sides. They tasted each other and moaned for more, in unison, making you bite back your own moan. It was more fun to watch than it would’ve been participating. But you really wanted to touch them, make their pleasure greater. 

Satoru pulled away from the kiss after a bit, letting his friend press sloppier kisses along his face and neck, “I think the slut wants to join in…” he mumbled, raking his small hands through Suguru’s mounds of thick black hair. It was down and shaggy, just the way the both of you liked it. He’d only really put it up when he was fucking you from the back, so he could get the best view of your back. He was a tits man through and through, so it surprised you when doggy was his favorite position. And it surprised you that the self-proclaimed ass man Satoru Gojo liked missionary more than doggy. 

You nodded your head and stood up, inching yourself towards them. Your body was overheating with a lustful desire, aching to be relieved by their beautiful hands. Suguru patted his lap, pulling back from Satoru’s neck. You quickly obliged, seating yourself atop the tent growing in his pants. You slowly rocked your hips back and forth, as the larger man grabbed your chin and directed you to Toru. He poorly bit back a whimper and grabbed the sides of your face, pulling you into a needy kiss. You could barely keep up with how fast and good it felt, as your tongues met and swirled against each other. Your hips gently rutted against Suguru’s boner, making him groan and press his lips against your neck. One of his hands was trailing into your shirt and the other was running itself through Satoru’s hair, making him whine from the sensitive sensation. You felt his large and cold hand slip your breast out of your bra cup and pinch your nipple, making you pull away from the kiss to gasp and moan. Satoru frowned and used that opportunity to kiss the other side of your neck that wasn’t occupied by his best friend, sucking against the skin to mark you. Mark you as his, all while his hands trailed to your ass and squeezed it. 

“F-fuck.. Mm you.. You two are s-s mm ha- so good,” you whimpered, grinding against Suguru’s clothed boner for any sense of release. Your cunt was leaking and throbbing for any kind of stimulation, and you could barely get it from this. Gojo licked up the side of your neck, before biting down just to see your reaction, making you gasp and cry out. You were their pathetic little slut, begging to be fucked in all your holes. 

“I think we should treat our princess, huh Toru?” Suguru purred, pulling back from your neck to admire the bite marks and hickies he had left behind. They were methodically placed and far apart. Whereas his best friends were sloppy and close together, trying to cover as much skin as he possibly could without a care for whether they looked good or not. 

“Yes Daddy…” Satoru mumbled, looking over at him with hearts practically popping out of his eyes. Oh, it was so hot. You would be fine if they chose to forget you and let you touch yourself as they fucked each other. They looked at each other for a moment before Suguru picked you up by your hips and set you on the couch, leaning against the armrest. He let Gojo lay stomach first on the couch, opting to crouch beside it. Before they even got to sucking on your perfect pussy, they took some time to make out with each other again. You bit your lip as Suguru pulled Satoru into a dominating kiss, sucking on his lips and making him whine from how he couldn’t keep up. You didn’t even realize your hand had begun to trail down to your clothed cunt, touching it lightly over your shorts. You were so wet and sensitive; It would’ve felt better if those tongues were on you instead of inside each other’s mouths. 

After a minute or two of passionate kissing, they broke apart and got to take off your pants. They came off with one fell swoop, followed by your underwear. You weren’t shy, spreading apart your legs and then taking your two fingers to spread apart your slicked folds for the two of them. Satoru was the first one to taste you, hungrily and needily licking your pussy. He didn’t give his best friend a chance to taste you, but he didn’t mind, opting to kiss along your thighs. You gasped as Gojo’s lips pressed chaste kisses on your center, before licking circles around your clit. 

“Aw, she tastes so good, doesn’t she, puppy?” Suguru cooed, running a hand through his best friend's hair, before grabbing a fistful and prying him from your cunt. He whined, a trail of saliva hanging from his bottom lip, “You like how Mommy tastes puppy?” 

“Mmm.. mhm… y-yes Daddy,” Satoru whimpered. You noticed he had been rutting his hips into your couch, trying to stimulate himself as he ate you out. It made you wetter, you realized. Before you could tease him too, Suguru pushed his head in between your thighs and began to lap at your pussy. You gasped and felt your back arch up against the couch, grinding your hips to the sensation. They ate pussy in two very different ways. Suguru was hard and precise, targeting your clit and your core. Satoru was messy and needy, licking anywhere he could just to get his own release rather than your own. 

Gojo moaned and bit his lip as he watched you two, grinding against the couch cushion. He wasn’t very patient, pushing his best friend's head to the side and going to attempt to lap up your core as well. Their tongues collided as you felt them eat you out together before they got distracted by each other. Their faces were on your pussy as the two boys began to make out, pulling back to dip into your liquids, then going back to kissing one another. You moaned gutturally and arched your back again, getting closer and closer to cumming all over their faces. You wanted to cum as they both ate you out, so they could taste your slick on their tongues. And you did. After a moment of the two of them sucking and licking your beautiful pussy, you came. It washed over you multiple times, going from an intense pleasure to a subdued one, then spiking back up whenever they kept eating you out. It was so good, making you lift your hips off the couch. However, Suguru pushed you back down to keep abusing your cunt with his mouth. The boys didn’t stop as you panted and cried from your orgasm, cleaning you off from all your cum.

“Mm,” Satoru pulled away, whimpering, “D-daddy… can we fuck her… Please? I wanna fuck Mommy so bad Daddy…” You moaned at your whiney little bitch, as he sat up and palmed his throbbing erection. He was so hard, you just wanted to elevate the poor little thing. His face was flushed and his lips were kiss swollen, with his eyes hazy and fogged over from lust. 

Suguru nodded and pulled back, smirking at the two of you, “Take off your pants puppy, and lay down,” he commanded and his best friend didn’t have to be told twice. He sat back and shimmied out of his pants, tossing them to the side, before laying down on the opposite side of the couch. His tongue hung out in a deprived way, waiting to feel you clench around his dick. He needed you so bad it hurt. “Good boy,” his friend cooed, picking you up off the couch. He held you by your waist, setting you down on Toru’s lap. You smiled lazily at him and pulled him into a sensitive kiss, letting him lick into your mouth like there was no tomorrow. As you two pressed your bodies against one another, Suguru took off his pants. You always forgot how big his dick was, and you began to realize where he was going to put it. You motioned to the side table by the couch, where you kept your lube, as you kissed your sub. He nodded and grabbed it after pulling off his underwear. 

You felt the couch dip behind you with his weight, then your asscheeks spread. You didn’t expect as you continued to tongue fuck Satoru’s mouth, a cold tongue lick a few circles around your asshole. You cried into the kiss from the sensation and ground your hips, hitting Gojo’s free boner, causing him to whimper. The rimming didn’t last for long, but god it felt so good. You’d never done a lot of anal before, but now you craved it. You wanted to be stuffed in both ends until you couldn’t breathe; Until you were swimming in their cum. A large finger pressed against your asshole, causing you to shiver. Stretching, right… You could barely concentrate on kissing Satoru, choosing to pull away and rest your head on his neck. As you did so, he slowly lifted your hips, positioning you with his dick. Right now? As you were getting fingered? It was starting to become overstimulating but you loved it like the whore you were. He slid you down on his throbbing dick, letting out a whine as he got balls deep inside of you. Meanwhile, Suguru was knuckles deep in your asshole, preparing another finger with the vial of lube you had provided him. 

Satoru gasped and slowly thrust into your pussy, letting you lay there and take it. He was gentle and slow, which was surprising from how needy he was being. He wanted to savor the feeling of your clenching walls around him as he fucked into you. You felt so good, as you tensed from another finger sliding into your ass. Suguru spread apart his fingers very slowly, letting you stretch and moan from the sensation. You had never needed your asshole filled up with his dick until that very minute, arching your back to the sensation. Gojo grabbed one of your breasts as soon as he got the chance, palming the skin and pinching your nipples in the way he knew you liked. You bit your lip and threw your head back, trying not to move too much to disturb Suguru. After a minute he pulled his fingers out and prepared his cock, lubing it up until it was slicked. 

“I’m going to fuck your pretty little ass now, okay Mommy? Gonna fuck it so good, fill you up nice and tight,” one of his large hands slapped your ass, making you cry from the sting. You didn’t have time to adjust as his dick pushed into your ass and stretched you from the inside out. You cried out again, leaning your head down and pressing a sloppy kiss against Satoru’s lips. He was busy, thrusting up into your cunt now with a firey hunger. Screw savoring it. He needed to pump you full of his cum until you were full of it. He wanted to make sure that you knew exactly who you belonged to, branding you with his cum. 

You nodded your head and felt as one of your holes was being fucked mercilessly, while the other was being fucked slowly. So slow it was almost painful. “F-fuck.. Mm shit- mm fuck. H-ha.. harder, Daddy…” You mewled, before turning your attention to your pathetic little puppy, “You’re… mm y-you’re… shit. You’re doing… mmm ha- hah so.. Soo good p-p-puppy.” 

Satoru let out a sob, “I wanna cum.. M-mommy.. Puppy wants to c-c-cuuum,” he tried to kiss you, but Suguru pulled your head back, craning it to plant a possessive kiss on your mouth. You could barely keep up with the sheer velocity and hold he had on your lips, marking you as his. You were both of theirs now, there was no escaping their clutches. 

Suguru let go of your face to let out a groan, one of the first noises he made that night. He was a pretty quiet guy, especially when it came to sex, “Cum.. I want you both to c-cum.” Satoru didn’t have to be told twice, spilling into your pretty little cunt. He continued to pump you, letting it squelch as he fucked his cum back into you. He gasped and howled out a loud moan, throwing his head back against the armrest and arching his back, rolling his hips a few times. You were so sensitive it didn’t take long before you clenched and creamed around his dick, making him thrust into you faster. Suguru loved this image, he wanted it engrained in his brain forever. The way your bodies molded together underneath him as he slowly fucked your ass, he loved it. He leaned forward and grabbed your full breasts, squeezing them together and rolling your perked nipples around between his thick fingers. You gasped and keened out a cry. It felt so good you just wanted to cum over and over again. 

Suguru’s thrusts began to speed up, making you groan. It didn’t take him long before the throbbing erection he had splattered into your asshole and painted your walls in white. He tensed and pressed himself against you, making a loud clapping sound as he rode his high from behind you. “F-fuck.. You’re so tight for me…” He cooed, running his hands through your hair before grabbing a fist full (as he did earlier to Satoru) and pulling you into a heated kiss. Your body was on fire, to the point where you were completely gone. Fucked dumb, huh? You knew you wouldn’t be able to walk and sure as hell you wouldn’t be able to form a coherent sentence. Satoru gasped and froze, cumming into your cunt again. You bit your lip and moaned. It was becoming so sensitive it was hard to concentrate on where the pleasure was coming from. You were being fucked in your pussy and your ass, AND it felt so good. You never wanted this pleasure to end. You never wanted this to end! 

“D-Daddy…” Satoru mewled, looking over at him with a foggy expression, “C..can we mm,” his thrusts slowly slowed down to a stop, as did Suguru’s. You weren’t really complaining, barely being there mentally, “Can we keep her? I’ll pay for the ab..or..tion.” 

Suguru let out a laugh and nodded his head, “Yes baby… I think we should let her rest. We’ve worn out our little plaything, huh?” You could hear his smile, and you whined as he slapped your ass again, this time definitely leaving a handprint. This wasn’t at all how you expected your Sunday afternoon to go.  

[70sscifiart]

The Last-Minute Sci-Fi Gift Guide

There's only one thing worse than procrastinating on getting gifts for your loved ones, and that's procrastinating on putting together a guide to help out everyone else with all those gifts. It's Dec 12, so you can decide for yourself which I'm doing.

Art book: Worlds Beyond Time, $32

If you follow this blog, you might have heard of this one. I published Worlds Beyond Time: Sci-Fi Art of the 1970s this year after five years of work on it, and I think it's really good! 400+ images, 100+ artists, with lots of fun art history and jokes.

Also, it's just $20 right now if you order through my publisher and use the code SKIPTHELINE! Cheapest it's ever been!

Card game: Coup, $14

In this "social deduction" card game, you play as a government official in a future dystopia who needs to backstab their way into power. Everyone starts out with just two cards in this bluffing game, so the tide can turn pretty quick when players start assassinating each other's cards. The fast pace makes it a good gift for someone who loves spies but thinks they don't like card games.

Game to play over Zoom: Bad Spaceships, $3

If a bluffing game stresses you out, try Bad Spaceships: It's a collaborative world-building game in which you roll dice to see what area of your spaceship connects to another, forcing you to spitball exactly why this is the case. As the game puts it, you might fix the hull by playing Tetris, or charge your weapons in the swimming pool. You're basically getting weird prompts to tell a story that can evolve over the course of the game.

It's such an indie game that it comes as PDFs you download from itch.io, but you can play it just as well over Zoom, if you're looking for an excuse to catch up with your old digital nomad college friend.

Movies/TV: Streaming service gift card

Gift cards are all well and good, but you can personalize them by recommending a few of your favorite shows as well. I suggest:

Hulu: Cowboy Bebop

Apple TV+: Severance

Criterion Channel: Ravenous, Paprika, Strange Days

Paramount+: Yellowjackets

Amazon Prime: The Devil's Hour

But to be honest, this entry is just an excuse to talk about the new Max show Scavenger’s Reign. Inspired by the work of French artist Moebius and with a clear debt to famed 70s animated film Fantastic Planet, this stylish sci-fi show features a bunch of humans trying to survive on a beautiful but hostile alien world. Perfect for lovers of fictional nature.

Vintage sci-fi

This Etsy shop has some good stuff, like the 1971 Frank Kelly Freas NASA poster above, a bit of history that I even mentioned on page 167 of my art book.

Penguin science fiction postcards, $28

These postcards have a ton of very cool sci-fi covers I've blogged in the past – great value if you want a lot of art for a low cost.

Meteorite pendant necklace, $34

I think we all know what kind of rock your loved ones need around their neck: A chunk of meteorite straight out of the 1576 Argentinan meteorite fall.

Book recs

For astronauts: Packing for Mars by Mary Roach, The New Guys: The Historic Class of Astronauts That Broke Barriers and Changed the Face of Space Travel by Meredith Bagby

For comedians: Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir, Even Greater Mistakes: Short Stories by Charlie Jane Anders 

For sleuths: Six Wakes by Mur Lafferty, Drunk on All Your Strange New Words by Eddie Robson

For crafters: Knits of Tomorrow: Toys and Accessories for your Retro-Future Needs

For the resistance fighters: The Light Brigade by Kameron Hurley, An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon

For slasher movie fans: Clown in a Cornfield by Adam Cesare

Syd Mead "Biomorph Vehicle" button down shirt, $49

T-shirts aren't classy enough for the world's coolest visual futurist, Syd Mead. I haven't actually bought this incredibly odd shirt, but I really need to.

Art prints (and more) from 70s sci-fi artists

Artist shops can be surprisingly hard to track down on the internet, but here's a short list of ones I've come across. All of these artists are featured in my book (except one), so you can read up on them before you commit to a print.

Michael Whelan 

John Harris

Syd Mead

Don Maitz

David B Mattingly

Peter Andrew Jones - Jones was one of just a few artists who declined to be included in my art book, but he has a distinct, colorful style that I would have loved to have featured!

Finally, here's one extra bonus, just for everyone who made it to the end of this article: The UK-based educational charity Centre for Computing History sells three big officially licensed John Harris posters featuring these three artworks, famous for their use as covers for Sinclair programming manuals.

It's a great deal that I've never seen mentioned anywhere, and Harris' work has a timeless quality that makes it great for an unassuming wall decoration. If you're outside the UK, the shipping costs will be a pain, but there's no better deal for a classic sci-fi poster.

[gaymurdersalad]

[ HOWDY Y’ALL! WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM FOR A FUN BROADCAST!

If you haven’t noticed, it’s pride month! That means we’re legally allowed to be gay for an entire month before we have to disappear into our burrows once more! To celebrate the occasion, I decided to do a fun little pride post! ]

[ I’ve gathered all the little fuckers in The Void to poke and prod at them like zoo animals. In other words, I figure they all have some neat identities and wouldn’t mind being interrogated in honor of pride month. I’ll go ahead and turn it over to them, but I’ll say now, no matter how much they kick and scream, I am definitely NOT holding them at gunpoint! This workspace is… definitely OSHA approved. Don’t let them tell you otherwise. Have attem! ]

> This is fucking stupid. Stop waving that gun at me. I’m talking.

> My identity isn’t anything special. I’m just some guy who decided he was a guy way later than everyone else did. I don’t really give a damn what pronouns people use on me because usually they just end up avoiding me at all costs or scampering away like frightened animals.

> I’m bisexual, is that anything? But, like, only bisexual in a sexual way. I could not fucking fathom living a long prosperous life with anyone. How the hell are you supposed to enjoy someone for that long? Getting married seems like a scam. I bet it is. I bet it’s like the invention of Valentine’s Day for greeting card companies. You’re not actually supposed to be in love with someone for that long, it just doesn’t seem possible.

> … My marriage with Dave does not count, that wasn’t an officiated wedding. I’m fairly certain he fished those rings out of a water fountain and pawned his dress off a hooker. I do vividly recall dumpster diving for my tuxedo.

> Uhhhhhh wuh? Hmmmm, I’onno what the hell I am, Old Sport! Fuck!

> Shit, I guess I like everyone. A hole’s a hole. Why the fuck would I discriminate? I think I got a preference for men though! They’re so fuckin’ easy to romance! Unless they’re the likes of Sportsy, then it’s the hardest goddamn thing you’ll ever seduce. He gets real gay when he’s on acid, but then again, I get real gay on cocaine. Man, our wedding was immaculate. Imma tell our kids about it one day!

> Likewise, I’ll be any gender you fuckin’ want me to be. I got like, pocket gender, I can just whip it out on request. Want me to be a dude? Fuck yeah, alright. Want me to be a pretty lady? No goddamn problem at all! I can be both at the same time or one more than the other— who gives a shit? I’m just havin’ fun.

> Good fucking lord, really? That shotgun does not scare me, you orange fool—

> … I have a complicated identity. As any other living organism does.

> I have found that over the years I do not experience sexual attraction and that I experience little to no romantic attraction. I only recall feeling romantically attracted to one person in my entire life. I doubt it will happen again. > And it may seem, uhm... Embarrassing, but I do deviate from your traditional "man's man". In laymen's terms, I do not feel particularly drawn to being male. I am very certain I was born with the intention of being a man, but my mind has refused to accept it. I am not sure why. Instead of feeling like a proper bloke, I feel rather empty. If I could have it my way, I would be some... human silhouette rather than a full fledged man. I do not know. This is idiotic. > I cringe every time someone addresses me in a masculine way. I wish I could simply have no pronouns. I can deal with them because I am indeed a grown ass... person, but I just wish it were not so. Whatever. I am done complaining.

> Oh! That’s very simple, this is really easy.

> I literally don’t have anything going for me at all.

> What with the entire fabric of time being on my shoulders and all, I don’t even think about gender or romance much. I do love being a girl! It’s one of the things I miss most about being alive, actually. Pretty dresses, playing with makeup in the bathroom, trying to curl my hair without burning my scalp— I mean, it sounds horrendous sometimes, but you can’t beat it. Feeling alive and content in your own skin. Just one of those precious things that spawned from the chance of life.

> … Uhm, Uhhh… Men.

> Yeah. I Like Them. I Think… Yes, I Could Probably Date A Man Or Two. I Don’t Know, Employee, Why Did You Pull Me Out Here? You Know I Have Copious Paperwork To Do! Some @$!# $#*@ Kid Just Fell Into The Ball Pit And Got Mauled Jaws-Style And His Parents Are Really Grilling Us For It. Dumb&@#*s, It’s Not My Fault Their Kid Heeded The Call Of The Sirens. I Swear, This Job Is Going To Kill Me Or Force My Hand Into Becoming The Next Purple Guy—

> extremely in love with my wife and my gender!

> it was actually very cute how we met, employee. have i ever told you? heh heh, we met in highschool. she was on the football team and i was a cheerleader, can you believe that? oh, i was head over heels for her instantly. she was strong, she was quick thinking, she was so hecking beautiful, employee… i never got to tell her how i felt while we were in highschool, but we were good friends. very good friends. come a few years later, some old buddies of ours want to have a get together and dish it out like old times… go vandalize and drive off into the sunset in the back of a pickup truck sipping on horrendously cheap beer and laughing off our university work or our jobs. when i get to our spot, though, i see her. i’d recently wised up to my gender, y’know, had my hair cut and fresh scars on my chest, so suffice to say i looked nothing like i did when i cheered for her during football season. she’d done the same, employee— she grew out her hair to the middle of her back in such beautiful dark curls, her bangs tied back so every inch of her perfect face could glimmer underneath the neon lights of the derelict bowling alley we’d found ourselves in. she looked at me, and i sensed instant recognition. she smiled through her bright red lipgloss and rushed up to me, wrapping me up in a hug, and i swear, she hadn’t lost any of those muscles— almost broke my ribs!

> the rest of the night, we were so… comfortable together. sure, during highschool we were close, but without saying a single word about what happened to us between then and now, we understood, and employee— i think it brought us closer. it was around three in the morning while we sat around a bonfire with the rest of our buddies when she layed her head on my shoulder and i felt an unfathomable warmth. i knew i wanted her for the rest of my life.

> … i just love her so much, employee.

> oh ok

> its rlly whatever. any pronouns any gender anybody who wants me. who cares

> oh i do have a preference for girls. theyre pretty. if you disagree u are not blessed enough to be loved by gods best creation and ur pissed about it. i can tell

> what if i was actually catholic would that be fucked up or what

> …

> … I cannot… physically stress how abhorrent sexuality is to me. What… What an utterly damning notion. Someone’s greedy hands cursing you and plaguing your with their own dirty human desires. How disrespectful. How… invasive. Why on Earth would it be my responsibility to supply someone with something to love? Am I really subject to whatever the hell people think of me? Whether they ��love” me or perceive me as some… some man, some object of attraction? Disgusting.

> If I could shed every trace of a sex or gender from my loathed corpse, I would. Often times I lay awake at night and consider skinning myself for the hell of it. I’ve related this to David and he said I sounded “fuckin’ insane”. Stupid bastard. I want to be a skeleton. I wanna be a fucking skeleton! Pretty and thin and not alive whatsoever! God damn this accursed body and its… rancid flesh and unidentifiable mystery goop. Ugh. Ugh!!!! God, the biggest blight on my “life” was being cursed with gender!

> I was born as a female which was just laughably wrong, then I recall amending that and trying to become a man, but none of it worked. All of it sucked. All of it was wretched. The ideal form is a ghost or ghoul or skeletal figure. You can’t romance a ghost or ghoul or skeletal figure. Can’t have sex with that. Unless you’re really, really determined. I don’t think even David could be that serious about his sexuality.

> … I… Hope. Oh dear. Oh god, I really am unsafe from the horrors of this world. God, I wish that bear had taken me out before I showed him to his grave.