#'you want to know the specifics of my attraction? what are you a cop?' vibes

[gay-otlc]

Hmm. I am rotating arospec Wolfe around in my brain and my conclusion is that he's sexually attracted to men (and potentially women, stormcrow is vague like that) and romantically attracted to Santi and Santi only. By the time he meets Santi he knows that men... you know... tempt him, but he doesn't feel romantic attraction and he's too smart for that anyway. Then he goes to Russia and there's this cute Lieutenant and oh no, now he does feel romantic attraction.

I also like the idea that, even if the great library characters had our modern terminology available to them, Wolfe just wouldn't label his orientation beyond "somewhere on the aromantic spectrum." He doesn't usually feel romantic attraction, he's in love with Santi, and anything beyond that is just not important.

[ragnarlothcat]

👐, 💋, 💫 , 🍭, 🎈

Thank you for so many!!! 💙💙💙 (for this ask game)

🤲 what do YOU get out of writing?

I mentioned the personal and creative fulfillment in the previous ask but the other thing is the community and immediate gratification of fic writing. I do write original fiction too and I miss the feedback I get when I post a new chapter in a fic. It's hard finishing something up without getting to hear people's favourite silly little joke, you know? I'm weak!!!

💋 when you leave comments on a fic, do you want to hear back from the writer?

Hmm I don't feel especially strongly one way or another 🤔 If I've asked a question then I suppose I like getting an answer. And there have been a couple of times I've left an author multiple comments and not gotten responses and I do slightly worry that it's because they hate me and want me to stop commenting but I recognize that my reaction is ridiculous and entirely in my head. In general I'm fine either way and if an author isn't replying because they're busy and/or overwhelmed I get it and I would never want to add any pressure to them!

💫 what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

It's probably a cop-out but I really do like most of them! Yeah the in-depth comments with theories and notes on characterization and stuff are incredible (and I am hugging everyone who has ever sent one of those) but I do enjoy the simple heart emojis or "kudos!" comments too.

I guess the only things I don't like are impatient demands for an update (believe me, I promise I feel bad enough about my WIPs already) or when people are very critical of a character or call them stupid in a non-affectionate way. Most of the time the vibe is "they're stupid because the pining is so obviously mutual!!!" but in a fun way because we know we're reading an idiots to lovers fic so obviously the pining is mutual but sometimes the tone is off or something and it feels like a criticism of my characterization because Obi-Wan is not that stupid in canon so why am I writing him like that? Idk, even when my characters are doing something dumb I want their actions to seem rational to them and it makes me worry I'm not accomplishing that. I'm probably being too sensitive but those comments do make me overthink (even more than usual).

🍭 why did you start writing?

It's a bit silly in retrospect but I started writing obikin specifically because I'd been reading fics for a couple months (and loving them!) but it seemed to me that a lot of fics were about how handsome and amazing Obi-Wan is and there were fewer talking up Anakin. Which I do get a) because Anakin goes on multiple killing sprees and helps run a fascist dictatorship for 20 years and b) it's harder to write Obi-Wan pining over Anakin because of the power imbalance between them. Even I struggled with it when I wrote my one master/padawan fic and I made it extremely clear that Anakin had been in love with Obi-Wan for ages already.

But the first obikin fic I ever wrote was a 5+1 that could be summarized as "everyone thinks Anakin is extremely charming and pretty" and honestly I've never really strayed from that. I like to think there's more going on but whenever I write from Obi-Wan's POV I tend to go a bit overboard with the immediate attraction. In my defence Anakin is very cute.

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

I'd say: not very poetic, lots of dialogue (I write dialogue first and fill in the gaps afterwards) and heavy on the POV character's internal monologue. I often struggle to describe what characters are doing and then I start making everyone shrug constantly to compensate. If I didn't find first person POV kind of annoying it would probably be a natural fit for my writing. I try to change things up occasionally especially if I'm writing in a different genre than usual but I feel like my style is still pretty consistent. But I could be wrong!

[cutiecatsub]

What do you think lesbians are attracted to in women that we can’t be attracted to in men?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives woman-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait women have that men can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

I have been thinking about this for days and every time I start typing on it I wander off to have more thoughts and it gets eaten. 😭

Ok so I may joke around and have my discord server with my partners named “lesbian power throuple” bc none of use are men but I’ve never consistently identified as a lesbian. I am definitely attracted to people who are not women and so I feel like I personally fall outside of that label. In a way I’m the least qualified person to answer this (which boils down to “what is a woman?”) because I am not exclusively attracted to women and I am not one myself. Being called a woman is a hard limit for me, and even being called girl which I’m fine with in most contexts is more akin to when my Dom calls me Kitten; it’s just a cute nickname and I don’t actually think I’m a baby cat*

So I am literally incapable of being attracted exclusively to one gender and I reject my assigned gender; I am about as far from understanding what makes a Woman a Woman as you can get. If I knew I would have spent less time getting a minor in studying gender. Maybe. Gender? I barely know ‘er.

My background in fundamentalism and my “classical education” (gag) makes me want to sit down and come up with a clear and discrete definition so we can nail down the answer but there are so many people and identities that would defy any attempt to do so. So it may be a cop out but I truly don’t know. And not to bring oversimplifications of dead philosophers into this but it seems like this could boil down to looking more for a platonic ideal of Woman that all women have qualities of vs going a little more Aristotelian and just saying that Woman is comprised of…people who are women. It’s not a satisfying answer but the second I start trying to nail down specific qualities associated with a gender it kind of takes me back to my fundie days. >.< I just don’t think it’s a productive endeavor. for me anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

*I definitely am one tho

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 297: We’re Bustin’ Outta This Joint

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi did his best to undo all of the good vibes from the Girl Power arc by killing off Midnight. It sucks and I still don’t like it, but it is what it is. Unfortunately, Not Killing Off Your One Female Teacher Character With Any Character Development was worth 30% of his grade for the semester, so it brought his average down all the way to a C-, and so he and his report card will just have to live with that. Meanwhile Ochako did some rescuing, and the other U.A. kids lay around unconscious and/or traumatized. The chapter ended with an abrupt cut to Tartarus, where AFO is apparently just chilling and waiting for the Nearly High Ends to come bust him free. What kind of a cliffhanger is that to leave your fans hanging on for three whole weeks. Who’s suffering more here, the characters or the readers.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “okay I know you all want to know what happens to Deku and Shouto and the rest, but have you considered finding out what happens to Overhaul and Muscular and Moonfish and New Girl Character instead?” Fandom is all, “you had us at New Girl Character.” Seiji’s dad is all, “I’m just going to say a bunch of stuff to help make sure none of the readers feel conflicted about cheering on a bunch of mass murderers escaping from prison.” Tomura is all, “dammit AFO why are you still here.” AFO is all, “shhh, Tomura, go back to sleep.” Tomura is all, “wtf but you’re literally hijacking my body and continuing to shred it to bits while we break into BnHA Alcatraz to recruit your own personal Suicide Squad.” AFO is all, “:).” Real!AFO is all, “HERE I AM, EVERYONE, SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING.” And then the chapter ends. Geez.

oh shit lol it’s a whole big fucking page all about Tartarus

my very first thought was “that’s a long-ass fucking bridge”, and then I went to go google “longest bridges”, and Wikipedia was all “son there are literally a hundred and fifty bridges in the real world longer than 5km, and the longest one is actually 165km”, and I was all “oh shit I really don’t know jack shit about bridges.” then I looked at the list for a few more minutes and realized that the super-long bridges were all built over land, and that the longest bridge over water is only 38km. which is way more reasonable, but also still really fucking long though?? ngl I would freak the fuck out on that bridge. what does any of this have to do with Tartarus you ask?? absolutely nothing, I literally forgot I was reading a chapter for a sec lol uh

anyway, my parting thought on the bridge is that it kind of defeats the whole purpose of having a giant island fortress prison, but whatever. moving on

and the six levels thing is straight out of One Piece lol. something tells me BnHA’s prison break arc isn’t going to be quite as fun. hmm

so now we’re cutting to “the Bronze Gate”, which is the main entrance off of the bridge, and some goat-looking motherfucker is out here trying to become my new favorite character. bro

SON OF A BITCH WHAT’S WITH THE BULLETS FLYING IN THE BACKGROUND. DON’T TELL ME THEY’RE SHOOTING AT GYGES. THEY CAN’T KILL OFF MY FRESHEST HOMIE GYGES. SURELY THEY WOULDN’T

ooh and now, giant robots!

giant robots with machine guns. “I’m very sorry I killed off Midnight, makeste” you know what, fuck you Horikoshi. thinking you can buy my affections back so easily

does Gyges have six arms??? look how fucking calm he is announcing the code red security lockdown, holy shit. GYGES

NOOOO

NO NOT BRIAREUS. THIS DAY EXACTS A HEAVY TOLL

YO, WHAT

he came there himself?? so much for making the Noumus do his dirty work. and based on the speech bubble shape and font, this is still AFO talking

uh oh what’s happening

is he using Decay or is his arm just sort of crumbling to pieces because he hasn’t had time to heal up yet? if it’s the former this prison break is going to set a record for shortest arc yet isn’t it

now we’re cutting to B10 which is apparently the lowest level. but do they mean lowest as in the least security, or lowest as in the deepest underground, a.k.a. the most security? idk it’s confusing and I think they should be more specific. is it B like in basement?? are there six levels or ten?? stupid Tartarus

anyway so the guards are talking about how Gigantomachia is scheduled to arrive tomorrow morning. heh. will there even be a Tartarus tomorrow morning

(ETA: WELL, UH.)

wow they’re talking about just killing him outright. damn

I kinda feel like “prison guard” is one of those jobs that just sort of naturally attracts shitty people. anyways yeah, Seiji your dad is a real piece of work

and he’s even doubling down on it after the other guy repeatedly keeps trying to hush him up. dude we get it, you’re an asshole

ooh and now we’re getting an interesting look at the various prisoners, some of whom look suspiciously familiar!

for starters, that’s definitely Moonfish in the upper left corner, I’m like 99% sure. not quite clear who that is across from him in the upper right, but it’s been a hot minute since we saw Muscular, so maybe?

and could that be Overhaul in the panel beneath him?? they’re not showing his face so I assume it’s someone we’d recognize, and he’s the only currently-incarcerated villain with that haircut as far as I can recall. though it seems weird that he’s not restrained more given his quirk. I thought Horikoshi mentioned in Ultra Analysis that he’d gotten it back somehow. eh well we will wait for answers

I don’t recognize the person to his left either (though she has an oddly familiar look to her?). but the person on the bottom right, next to Kurogiri... is it Stain?? the hair and body language are sure giving off Stain vibes. if someone had told the me from two years ago that I’d actually be excited to see Stain again I would have said you were full of shit. and yet here we are. these sure are interesting times

anyway so now the Code Red intruder alarm is blaring. and I gotta say, that one scene sure was effective at killing any sympathy I might have been inclined to feel for these guards lol. bring on the imminent massacre

“what horrible timing” lol yes. it’s almost as if they planned it that way

uh oh

is he omae wa shindeiruing. watch your six, Mr. Prison Guard

oh shit

WHAT DID I SAY. WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY. but nooo, you all were all, “but a bridge is more convenient!” VERY WELL THEN, LIE IN THE BED THAT YOU HAVE MADE

anyway so it’s the High Ends lol. I mean we already knew it was them. let’s just get on with it

omfg Tomura ARE YOU RIDING ONE

WHAT ARE YOU, A NAZGUL. WHY IS THIS MY FAVORITE THING

and it looks like it actually is Tomura again, too (as opposed to AFOmura)

-- is he using Decay on himself?? is that what it is?? or no wait, is this just more of the weird side effect shit that’s been happening since he Awakened. actually yeah never mind that’s clearly what it is

y’all this man is out here having a full blown argument with himself

so this is equal parts compelling and hilarious to me right now lol. like I feel so bad for Tomura, but I also lowkey want to see how far this escalates. like do you think he’d go as far as to punch himself in the face. where will this journey lead us

fucking look at this shit

other people have already mentioned this, but with this scene especially it makes me really curious how they’re going to show this in the anime. will it be AFO’s voice coming out of Tomura’s mouth? or Tomura’s voice using AFO’s speech patterns? more importantly, will it be cool and dramatic, or will it actually wind up being hilarious? or both?? never count out both

also he’s looking pretty good there in that bottom panel with his one eye just barely visible. that doesn’t have anything to do with anything, but here I am, pointing it out

also also, lol at Tomura being all, “the fuck do you mean, ‘rest’, you’re the one that dragged my body out here to raid a fucking prison,” and AFO being all, “oh yeah, lol, true true, but I meant rest after that.” yes, this man clearly has nothing but the purest intentions, Tomura. trustworthy af

this fucking guy. Tomura is your bullshit radar finally operational yet?? can you see yet that it was always his intention to use you right from the very start?? oh man I am starting to get fidgety now listening to this

so Tomura’s saying he doesn’t just want to be used as a chess piece. and AFO is all, “well okay but what if it’s a VERY NICE AND IMPORTANT chess piece.” bro DID HE STUTTER

-- AHH BUT NEVER MIND THAT, HERE IT IS, THIS IS WHERE THE FUN STARTS OMG

GO ON AND ACQUIRE THEM THEN! omg. why am I so fucking excited. it seriously makes no sense. like seriously, ‘hooray, our old buddies, Overhaul and Stain!!’ -- come again now?? who is this person that I have become

meanwhile AFO is making all this fuss and I really don’t understand it though

why would you need to plow directly through the building. why can’t you just use doors like a normal person. it’s not like they can lock you out, like hello, you can literally turn anything you touch into dust, what’s with all the melodrama

anyway so he’s apparently hitting the prison with some sort of EMP attack now and shutting down all their systems

omg the suspense is killing me. this is going to be so badass once it’s animated, but right now all I keep thinking is “YES, GREAT, CAN WE PLEASE JUST MOVE IT ALONG”

the doors are opening ahhhhhhh come on come on come on let’s go let’s get to the excitement already

now the guards are running over to try and regain control. but, like

yeah that’s pretty much how I’m expecting the rest of this to go basically

so now they’re shooting at the dust cloud lol. well if there’s one thing movies have taught me, it’s that bad guys who wait inside clouds of dust while panicked cops blindly rain bullets at them until they run out of ammo are basically invincible lol. soooooo

OHHHHH SHIT

AHAHAHAHAHAHA. THEY ARE SO FUCKED LOL, SHIT

YEP, AND HERE’S ANOTHER ONE

is this the first time we’ve seen Moonfish’s face? I feel like we might have caught a glimpse of it before on an omake page or something. either way, it wasn’t anything I actually needed to see again. thanks...?? I guess??

okay but seriously, are we supposed to actually know who this badass lady is?? like I don’t know her but I feel like I know her, you feel?

(ETA: lol there are already like 60 different theories about how she’s related to every single character in the series. will be interesting to see if anything comes of this. although we did just get three “this villain was secretly related to [insert character(s) here] all along” reveals just in the last arc, so idk, it might be better if we pass on it this time lol.)

girl who are you. please stick around. for the love of god don’t let this man kill you off too

????

wait so is this Overhaul? boy sure has seen better days huh. but the floppy sleeves... yeah, it’s gotta be him

anyway so then the only ones missing are Stain and Kurogiri, yes?? omg. and one page left to go

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO CONVINCE ME HE COULDN’T HAVE DONE THIS SHIT RIGHT FROM THE VERY BEGINNING. FUCKING TIME-BIDING DRAMA QUEEN

AND HE’S JUST FLOATING HIS LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEM ALONG BEHIND HIM SOB. THIS FUCKING GUY

AND IS HE JUST ABSENTMINDEDLY DRAGGING SOME POOR SCHLUB’S CORPSE ALONG BESIDE HIM LIKE A SLEEPY TODDLER CARRYING THEIR TEDDY BEAR. I FUCKING CAN’T. REST IN PEACE, FRIEND. GIVE MY REGARDS TO GOOD OLD BRIAREUS

so that’s it! and we still don’t have any idea what AFO is actually planning to do now, after all of that. are they going to merge bodies?? or is he going to try to switch with him?? either way Tomura’s body has to be part of the plan somehow since he keeps making so much of a fuss over it. flkhglkhlk. dammit I need answers lol

[onetimetwotimesthreetimess]

Can we please talk about how Carlos is the most beautiful and supportive partner to Tk? Like he doesn’t drink because he wants to support his sobriety, he cooks amazing meals for him, he will literally stop what his doing if Tk doesn’t feel good and he is all about communication. That whole episode with Cooper just solidified for me just how amazing Carlos is. The fact he stopped doing his Yoga because Tk felt restless and focused all his attention on him. THEN even though he was a bit jealous that Tk was going to Cooper instead of him, he put it all aside because he knew that’s what Tk needed. Not to mention him moving them into a beautiful home, making it comfortable for both of them because it was something Tk was so apprehensive about.

I mean are you fucking serious? Could he get anymore sexy? I think that’s one of Carlos’ most attractive qualities, how much he cares for the people he loves. He’s got this authoritative cop vibe but when it comes to Tk he is just sooooo soft 🥺

Me likey, a lot.

(*side note: they need to do the ‘hey baby’ thing more because…..yes)

^^^^

I don’t know what more can I add to this because it’s perfect and you’re right, Carlos Reyes is perfect.

Carlos’s character arc is so beautiful and important to me like they show this guy who seems like he is very composed and has all his shit together. But then there’s 2.04 and 2.08 and you see that’s actually not true. He’s a very complex character with his own issues and traumas. He’s a control freak and he doesn’t do well with situations where he can’t help which we dan see again and again in S3.

I didn’t think I would love the breakup storyline initially but I did. I think the reasons were very realistic. Carlos is a control freak and TK is somebody who runs away when shit gets tough. They specifically addressed that thing this season which I think was great.

3x13 is actually my favorite epsiode bevause it showed a healthy portrayal of a relationship. TK stated that Carlos can’t be his everything and while Carlos had difficulty accepting it initially- he did realise that TK was righr by the end which is a great character developmenr.

P.S. food and touch beinf his love language is my favorite thing and yes they need to do the “hey baby” thing more. It’s never enough ekwhwkwkwn)

[adastra121]

So...First impressions for Romance Club as someone who tried it out from Choices. I haven’t played all the stories yet so don’t trust me to be all that accurate. But here are my thoughts if anyone was curious about giving Romance Club a try. Uh, spoilers beneath the cut!

Here’s the quick summary: Path of the Valkyrie and Legend of the Willow are pretty good. But you should be careful if you’re sensitive to sexual violence, misogyny, and um…incest.

Hooooooooooo boy. If you thought the male love interests were forced in Choices…You just…don’t get to decide on the MC’s sexuality — no matter the story, she’s attracted to men (I’m going to use she/her pronouns for the MCs because they’re all female so far). Sometimes the MC will have a male ex. That ticks me off personally — it wouldn’t if they used it only once or for a specific MC in a way that would fit her arc, sort of like in Mother of the Year or Baby Bump in Choices.

I started with Chasing You, the murder mystery, since that’s usually the first kind of story I gravitate towards. I don’t…remember any content warning, so a lot of the “romantic” elements in the story came as a shock. There’s the forced LI Alexander, though I think the more accurate term here is “predator.” He did that — you know, the walk in romance scenarios, where the male LI stalks toward the heroine until she backs herself into a wall and it’s played off as ooh~ sexy, which it usually only is if you know and like the guy — to MC when they don’t know each other, he forces a kiss on MC and…the most wild part I’ve gotten to so far…he PINS MC DOWN ON HIS BED AND TIES HER TO IT WHEN SHE STRUGGLES. AND HE FEELS HER UP UNDER HER SHIRT. (The context is that MC is injured and snuck into his room through a secret passageway while he was still sleeping, and he was concerned so he wanted to inspect her for injuries. Yeah.) Then when the MC calls him out on it the next day or something, he says, “Okay. I won’t lay a hand on you again without your permission,” and proceeds to ruffle her hair teasingly afterward. I fucking hate you so much Alexander I didn’t kill my aunt but so help me I will MURDER YOU RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE COPS

Oh, also there’s incest. MC can flirt with her step-cousin and her adopted step-cousin…who are later revealed to be fucking. Yeah. Big trigger warning for that. If you were grossed out by the diamond option in Wolf Bride…In this case, they’re not blood related, but still.

Yeah. So your male love interest options are the predator, a cop, and your step-cousin. Rachel seems cool, though (I don’t know I think she and Alexander used to have a thing? She might be a stalker? Somehow, still the least problematic LI as far as I know). But they did give her this really weird line when she was…flirting with the MC? I don’t know, she was running her hands all over MC’s curves and she said, “You awaken the man in me.” …Hooray, genderfluid representation………

Anyway, at least in the recent story On Thin Ice, there was a trigger warning for sexual assault? It was just…offhandedly mentioned that MC was an emotional mess, got drunk and (her drug dealer) Peter took advantage of her but she didn’t mind it and thought it was good sex — and they’re still acquainted. I don’t trust any of the male LIs on this godforsaken app.

I also don’t necessarily like the MCs much. A lot of them come off like someone tried to write a strong, independent heroine but still needed her to submit to the male lead because of his dark and sexy charms~ She’s feisty and sarcastic and she needs to be wrangled in by a male LI—oh my gosh, girlboss gatekeep gaslight! That’s the kind of vibe I get from them! XD It’s either that type of heroine or the shy, unsure, meek, you-know-she-has-a-mouth-breathing-voice one. Whose life likely still revolves around men.

At the same time I can’t really be too mad at it, because, you know. It’s called Romance Club, it advertises the kind of romance you’d find in the steamy novel section. And it delivers what it promises? I think it’s targeted toward an older demographic and by that age, most people should already know what are unhealthy tropes, what are danger flags in relationships.

Um, as for the stories, I do like Path of the Valkyrie, which is a Norse mythology adventure story and it’s amazingly not that romance heavy. Legend of the Willow’s good, too, just not for me. I don’t really like the MC — her default personality’s too meek, polite, and sincere for my preference, which are chaotic MCs that would make a joke of everything, tempt fate, and literally flirt with death. But I don’t think Romance Club has one of those yet, so I’ll just settle for Loki.

The art’s nice (uh though the CGs can look really wonky sometimes XD to the point of hilarity). I love the amount of detail they put into the backgrounds to mimic what’s happening in the story. Oh, my favourite thing is that the stories offer free clothing options that are actually nice! And for each time you get to buy a diamond outfit, you get a new free outfit option that looks good! So you know, if you’re dealing with all that bs at least you look cute.

So yeah. I’m going to finish Path of the Valkyrie but I’m probably not going to keep the app much longer past that.

[olderthannetfic]

It's really surprising that you're so well versed in older fandoms and yet participate in new popular ones (that cdrama, kpop) is this by design? Im in my twenties and my interest turnover is already way slower than it used to be

You know, that’s a really interesting question. I wouldn’t say it’s by design exactly in that I do tend to just follow what strikes my fancy, and I can’t force myself to want to write fic for just anything. (I find it easier to like reading fic without serious involuntary emotional investment, but writing takes more. Vidding I can do on command most of the time, but I don’t usually bother unless I have a lot of feels or I’m fulfilling someone’s prompt.)

However, me getting into BTS was 100% due to me wanting to understand BTS enough to explain to people who weren’t very interested but wanted to know what was going on in fandom lately. Under normal circumstances, I run the dance party at Escapade, the oldest extant slash con. We borrowed vividcon’s thing of playing fanvids on the wall--all of them set to dance music--as the soundtrack for the dance party. This means I’m creating a 3-hour mixtape of fannishness, which has amazing potential to make people feel in the know about Fandom Today... and equal potential to make them feel alienated if nothing they care about shows up. Only about 100-150 people attend the con, so it really is possible to make a playlist that feels inclusive yet informative--it just takes a huge amount of work.

Every year, I do a lot of research on which fandoms are getting big and look for vids from vidders people won’t have heard of, so there is an element of consciously trying to keep up with things. Generally, I only get into these fandoms myself if I had no idea what they were and then suddenly, oops, they’re my kryptonite, like the buddy cop android plot in Detroit: Become Human, which sucked me in hard for like 6 months on the basis of a vid.

(So if you’re into cross-fandom meta and associated stuff as one of your fannish interests, you tend to have broader knowledge of different fandoms, old and new, than if you’re just looking for the next place you’ll read fic. It’s also easier to love vids for unfamiliar things than fic.)

But though I was only looking for a basic primer on BTS, BTS has 7 members with multiple names and no clear juggernaut pairing, not to mention that AU that runs through the music videos and lots of other context to explain. The barrier to understanding WTF was going on at all was high enough that to know enough to explain, I had to be thoroughly exposed... And once I was over that hurdle, oops, I had a fandom.

--

In terms of old vs. new, here’s the thing: kpop fandoms in English and c-drama fandoms in English right now feel a lot like anime fandom in English did in the early 00s. I had a Buddy Cops of the 70s phase in the middle, but my current fannishness is actually a return to my older fannishness in many ways.

What do I mean about them being similar?

Yes, I know some wanker will show up to say I think China, Korea, and Japan are indistinguishable, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the way that I used to routinely meet Italian and French and German fans, Argentinian and Mexican, Malaysian and Indonesian and Filipino too. English-language fandom of SPN or MCU may have all those fans from all those countries, but it feels very American most of the time. English-language fandom of a non-English-language canon is more overtly about using English as a lingua franca.

It also tends to attract people who as a sideline to their fannishness are getting into language learning and translation, which are my other passion in life after fanworks fandom. (I speak only English and Spanish and a bit of Japanese, but I’ve studied German, French, Russian, Mandarin, Old English, and now Korean.)

Nerds arguing about methods of language learning and which textbooks are good and why is my jam. This is all over the place in English-language fandoms of Chinese, Japanese, and Korean media. Those fandoms also tend to be full of speakers coming from a Germanic or Romance languages background who face similar hurdles in learning these languages. (In other words, if you’re a native Japanese speaker trying to learn Korean, the parts that will be hard for you are different than if you’re an English speaker, but you’re also usually not doing fandom in English.)

There’s also an element of scarcity and difficulty of access and a communal attempt to construct a canon (in the other sense) of stuff from that country that pertains to one’s fannishness. So, for example, a primer explaining the genre of xianxia is highly relevant to being a n00b Untamed fan, but just any old thing about China is not. A c-drama adapted from a danmei webnovel is perhaps part of the new pantheon of Chinese shit we’re all getting into, but just any old drama from decades ago is probably not... unless it’s a genre precursor to something else we care about. Another aspect here is that while Stuff I Can Access As A N00b Who Doesn’t Speak The Language may be relatively scarce, there’s a vast, vast wealth of stuff that exists.

This is what it felt like to be an anime fan in the US in 2000. As translation got more commercial and more crappy series were licensed and dumped onto an already glutted market, the vibe changed. No longer were fans desperately trying to learn enough of the language to translate or spending their time cataloguing what existed or making fanworks about a show they stuck with for a bit: the overall community focus turned to an endless race of consumption to keep up with all of the latest releases. That’s a perfectly valid way of being fannish, but if I wanted that, I’d binge US television 24/7.

Anime fandom got bigger, but what I liked about anime fandom in English died, and I moved on. (Okay, I first moved on to Onmyouji, which is a live action Japanese thing, but still.)

Hardcore weeaboos and now fans of Chinese and Korean stuff don’t stop at language: people get excited about cooking, my other other great passion. Times a thousand if the canon is something like The Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty, which is full of loving shots of food preparation. People get excited about history! Mandarin and Japanese may share almost nothing in terms of grammar or phonology, but all of East Asia has influence from specific Chinese power centers historically, and there are commonalities to historical architecture and clothing that I love.

I fell out of love with the popular anime art styles as they changed, and I’m not that into animation in general these days. (I still own a shitton of manga in art styles I like, like Okano Reiko’s Onmyouji series.) I’ve become a filmmaker over the last decade, and I’m very excited about beautiful cinematography and editing. With one thing and another, I’m probably not going to get back into anime fandom, but it’s lovely to revisit the cultural aspects I enjoyed about it via live-action media.

BTS surprised me too, to be honest. I really dislike that early 90s R&B ballad style that infests idol music (not just Korean--believe me, I resisted many rounds of “But Johnny’s Entertainment though!” back in the day). While I like some of the dance pop, I just don’t care. But OH NO, BTS turn out to be massive conscious hip hop fanboys, and their music sounds different. I have some tl;dr about my reactions in the meta I wrote about one of my fanvids, which you can find on Dreamwidth here.

--

But back to your comment about turnover: I know fans from the 70s who’ve had one great fannish love and that’s it and more who were like that but eventually moved on to a second or third. They’re... really fannishly monogamous in a way I find hard to comprehend. It was the norm long ago, but even by the 90s when far more people were getting into fandom, it was seen as a little weird. By now, with exponentially more people in fandom, it’s almost unheard of. I think those fans still exist, even as new people joining, but we don’t notice them. They were always rare, but in the past, only people like that had the stamina to get over the barriers to entry and actually become the people who made zines or were willing to be visibly into fanfic in eras when that was seen as really weird. On top of that, there’s an element of me, us, judging the past by what’s left: only people with an intense and often single passion are visible because other people either drifted away or have seamlessly disappeared into some modern fandom. They don’t say they’re 80 or 60 or 40 instead of 20, so nobody knows.

In general, I’m a small fandoms and rare ships person. My brain will do its best to thwart me by liking whatever has no fic even in a big fic fandom... (Except BTS because there is literally fic for any combination of them, like even more than for the likes of MCU. Wow. Best fandom evar!) So I have an incentive to not get complacent and just stick with one fandom because I would very soon have no ability to be in fandom at all.

My appetite for Consuming All The Things has slowed way down, but it also goes in waves, and a lot of what I’m consuming is what I did back in 2000: journal articles and the limited range of English-language books on the history of m/m sex and romance in East Asia. It’s not so much that I have a million fandoms as that I’m watching a few shows as an expression of my interest in East Asian costume dramas and East Asian history generally.

I do like to sit with one thing and experience it deeply rather than moving on quickly, but the surface expression of this has changed depending on whether I’m more into writing fic or more into doing research or something else.

But yes, I do do a certain amount of trying to stay current, often as a part of research for fandom meta or to help other people know what’s going on. Having a sense of what’s big doesn’t automatically mean getting into all those things, but I think some fans who are older-in-fandom and/or older-in-years stop being open to even hearing what’s new. And if you’ve never heard of it, you’ll never know if you might have liked it.

[ssvgawara]

Haikyuu boys and some oddly specific crime they’d commit

a/n: I come back and the first thing I write is a shitpost!! enjoy </3 tw for drugs, murder, alcohol and general crime committing xoxo

Karasuno

Daichi- he’s a cop sorry that’s all there is to it man

Suga- Suga has multiple charges of 1st-degree murder against him but they can’t seem to find his identity so he continues committing murder and will continue until he gets caught or ends up murdering enough people to be put in a position of power

Asahi- everyone is probably like “Oh Asahi is innocent” NO. He has learned that his slightly scary face will let him get away with a lot, he is buying alcohol illegally because he looks old enough to, and he’s buying so much other shit and just getting away with it

Nishinoya- This man gives fucking pimp vibes I can just see him in the big leopard print fur coat with a pretty girl in his lap and he calls himself big poppa but no one else will

Tanaka- Drug dealer vibes, probably runs an entire fucking drug ring with his sister and not just a Lil weed these mfkas have the hard shit too like you could probably buy meth from them, he’s not using it but it’s good business

Ennoshita, Kinoshita, and Narita- They literally rob a bank they have an entire scheme and get away with multiple bank robberies and this goes on for MONTHS

Kageyama- We know he’s volleyball smart but otherwise he’s so mfing stupid and I love him for it but he is a chronic shoplifter. Just picks something up and takes it, has walked out of a store without paying for an entire bed set once and got away with it somehow so idk props to him

Hinata- He is the little guy in any heist situation, he fits anywhere so he can sneak in and out the best, he gave himself the stupid ass code name tiny giant but everyone goes with it because somehow he is the best

Tsukishima- armed robbery, but he doesn’t have a gun just a knife like he’s tall and as an attitude, a knife will get him whatever he needs he doesn’t need the gun

Yamaguchi- He runs a catfishing scheme where he pretends to be a naive girl, scams old men out of their money, and then ghosts them and I think it’s what he deserves let him carry on especially because no one would believe it’s him. Also not really like a crime crime but still a crime in a way

Kiyoko- She kills men and I know it, Queen Kiyoko ending the patriarchy one shitty man at a time like she only kills men who deserve it bc some have rights.

Yachi- She’s too anxious to commit an in-person crime so she does a lot of cybercrime, hacking government databases and releasing info to the people, truly the anonymous we deserve

Saeko- She’s running that drug ring with Tanaka, and she loves it because there’s a thrill to it even though yknow she’s dealing literal meth but like its fine plus she loves rocking people’s shit when they get too handsy, which bring me to my next point underground MMA Saeko, like the illegal one with no rules yeah <3

Ukai- this man probably sells all kinda shit to minors that he shouldn’t he is so unbothered a 7-year-old could probably walk in ask for a pack of camels and get them and leave before he noticed what was going on.

Takeda- Did y’all see how scared Hinata was when Takeda gave him that lecture? This dude could kidnap someone and scare them into giving all the information he needed, a legend truly

Aoba Johsai

Oikawa- took steroids one time. And of course in sports, that’s not allowed. But he only did it once and regretted it for months afterward. Never told anyone and was just relieved he didn’t have to piss in a cup and have someone find out.

Matsukawa- Without hesitation, I know this man takes dead people’s bones and sells them on the internet. Has dubbed himself the bone man and he feels so much power when someone buys a femur or sumn. It’s kinda funny honestly he has a hoard of bones to sell, his fave is the pelvis.

Hanamaki- He’s in between jobs because he stole money from his last job, like he said he was sorry he just needed a little extra for gas but was sad to find out that’s a literal crime and he was laundering money.

Iwaizumi- he’s a street racer, like the fast and furious style and it’s so sexy of him like late-night races ugh to be in an expensive fast car with him where he has one hand on my thigh okay that’s enough of that.

Kunimi- Look me in the eye and tell me he does not do drugs. He does and if you don’t believe me you are wrong and I will fight you on this one. 

Kyotani- If there is a crime he will commit it for fun. Like he will do it with no hesitation. He has a record longer than twilight and I’m not sure how he is not in prison actually nvm he escaped and is  a wanted criminal lol

Shiritorizawa

Ushijima- Assault, he just reeks of getting into bar fights when he’s absolutely wasted. Like he most likely didn’t start it but he will be finishing it

Tendou- grave robbing, he just goes into the cemetery picked the oldest plots, and gets to digging. Has made thousands on dead people jewelry and probably won’t get caught, like besides the groundskeeper there’s no security he will never stop.

Semi- he breaks copyright laws on the daily. He’s sampling music in his all the time but he’s doing it so sneakily it’s fine its what deserves stream his band on Spotify right now,

Shirabu- His bangs are criminal enough. No, but he has stolen drugs from the hospital before he just wanted to try the Xanax, and yeah he could just write himself a prescription for it nut like it’s so easy to just go get some and no report it so that’s what he did.

Goshiki- y’all want me to say arson don’t you?? Fine. He commits arson multiple times and kills 7 people with fire before getting arrested and he doesn’t even feel bad so in prison he probably fucking runs a gang he is crazy.

Nekoma

Kuroo- he is a capitalist and class traitor and that’s crime enough I don’t care is he’s attractive or rich, He commits crimes daily by just existing but I still love him anyway.

Kai- Could not commit a crime he just wants to garden and live his life. Jk there’s at minimum one body in that garden let him kill a man he deserves it just let him have one dead body

Yaku- he keyed someone’s car once just because they pissed him off. Was it kuroo? Yes. But that’s fine because he also keyed Lev’s car but blamed lev for keying kuroo’s and Kuroo for keying Lev’s. He just wants to watch the world burn.

Kenma- cyberbullying but man he is mean. Like no bars held we will dig into every insecurity he can and that shit hurts and he doesn’t even feel bad about it he will just be as mean as he can if you’re not careful

Lev- his crime is being tall and dumb also doesn’t understand the economy and prints counterfeit money because why can’t we print more money? The government should get on that.

Inuoka- He released all the animals from a zoo, like snuck in one night and just let them all free, I’m surprised the tiger didn’t eat him but hey the animals are free, there’s still some missing uh oh he’s very proud of himself for it. After the rush, he starts sneaking into shelters and freeing all the dogs and cats

Yamamoto and Fukunaga- Have egged a house before, it was Kuroo’s he deserves all this bullying and you can’t stop me.

Date Tech

Aone- Criminal Conspiracy, sure he had an entire foolproof plan to get away with the perfect crime but someone found out, and now his plans are ruined, damn </3 and no one ever suspects the quiet guy either.

Futakuchi- Having a prostitute, he just wanted some company like mans is lonely so he paid a girl to just spend a Lil time with him it’s all good.

Fukurodani

Bokuto- I know we all haha funny laugh at tax evader bokuto and sure maybe he evades his taxes but he’s also committed vehicular manslaughter, he cannot drive and has killed someone with his car maybe even multiple someones but he always drives off in a panic because he doesn’t know what else to do.

Akaashi- Hasn’t actively committed a crime but has been an accomplice in every vehicular manslaughter Bokuto has committed why the fuck does he keep letting bokuto drive? He really needs to stop that.

Konoha- A master scammer he is so convincing everyone gives him money even if they’re a little sus because he’s just that good each scheme is so convincing.

Inarizaki

Kita- He grows weed, you can’t tell me those rice fields are just for rice he’s got all this space he is growing marijuana and selling it, let him do it I want him to be my plug.

Atsumu- "What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier."

Osamu- resisting arrest. He just said no and ran. Granted he shouldn’t have punched the cop in the first place to have to be arrested but like that’s not the point here.

Aran- accidental child abandonment, like he just forgot he was babysitting and left the kid alone for like a day. He felt terrible but he still forgot the kid and now is fearful of parenthood

Suna- owns an illegal weapon, like he just never registered it and keeps it around and would use it if needed Suna please just point the weapon at me maybe

Others

Terushima- Graffiti, he loves painting on the walls of buildings and tagging them, has so much spraypaint and his day isn’t complete if he doesn’t tag at least one building or train car.

Daishou- Public intoxication- he got a little too fucked up and stripped on the street he will forever have to live with everyone knowing he has an ass tattoo like damn bruh

Sakusa- Perjury he simply wanted to get out of court so he said some shit so he could leave granted he lied under oath but whatever, did they ever find out? No, so he’s fine and he’d do it again if it meant he could leave faster. Like sure he was a witness to a murder but bruh he pretends he does not see.

Hoshihumi- driving without a license he simply thought you didn’t need one because why do you need a piece of plastic to say you can drive a car like??? Just know how to drive it.

[shellyseashell]

TLC MODERN AU

Yeah this is basic I don’t care

I’m gonna start by saying they’re all the same age here because that’s easier for me to keep track of.

Cinder was in a fire as child, killing her parents. When no other family members stepped up to take her, she was sent to be fostered by the Linh’s. Garan soon died, and after a few years Adri was investigated for child abuse. Pearl was old enough to move out at that point, but Peony and Cinder weren’t, and were sent to the Benoit’s.

I should stay here that Cinder still has prosthetics, but I’ll have to do research on that.

All three got along well (Cinder, Peony, and Scarlet).

Still trying to decide if Peony dies or not.

When she discovered Levana was her aunt, she tried to make a connection to her, as they were family. Levana did not like her, but Evret (he’s alive) and Winter did, so they attempted to keep in contact.

Levana and Evret soon got a divorce.

Since Evret and Winter are technically her family, they started the process to adopt Cinder (and Peony?)

It took a really long time, but eventually it was successful and she had a new family.

Cinder then met Jacin, but we’ll get to him later.

Kai’s father is the ceo of some company that actually helps people in need and isn’t evil, and Kai is eager to follow in his footsteps.

His mother died at a young age, and Torin, his father’s business partner or whatever was quick to step in as another parental figure.

Kai is really popular at school, both for his looks and personality. He’s super kind and just generally attracts people.

Kai helps out a lot with his father’s business, and I imagine he would get involved in clubs at school or start one of his own that works with his father’s business.

We’ve already established that Scarlet knows Cinder and possibly Peony because she deserved to live.

They still live on a farm, just outside of town. The three would often help out around the farm.

Scarlet was involved at sports a lot, probably soccer and basketball, something where she can throw stuff at people or something idk.

I think she’d be an activist and support stuff like BLM and ACAB (I mean it’s canon that she hates the cops).

She’d probably get involved with the club Kai started, which is how she met him.

Wolf was also involved in sports, or maybe he did karate or something. Anyway, he’s athletic and active.

I dunno if he’ll go by Wolf here or Ze’ev, maybe Wolf will be a inside joke or something.

He met Scarlet when they were partnered for a project and 95% of it was awkward flirting.

They hit it off immediately, obviously, and probably start dating not too soon after.

Cress is really shy and awkward, so she typically hide out in the back of classes and doesn’t participate.

She is, though, really good with tech stuff, so thats how her and Cinder meet.

Then, one day, Thorne, who’s super popular and flirty approaches her not because he needs his phone fixed or something, but just because he wants to.

Needless to say, Cress doesn’t know how to react, and initially forces him away.

Thorne keeps trying though, so eventually Cress agrees to go on a date hang out with him. She’s not that surprised that, while he’s a trouble maker, he’s actually really kind and sweet.

Yeah, Thorne has a knack for getting in trouble, like in canon, but he swears he doesn’t mean to. Is he telling the truth? Who knows, not him.

Thorne is popular, and has been in a lot of relationships, mostly because he’s trying to find love since he parents are Not Nice.

:(

Okay so Winter is related to Cinder still and Cinder and maybe Peony live with her.

I still want her to have some sort of mental illness, not sure what.

Whatever it is, it affects her a lot, and she prefers to be with someone else whenever she can so they can help her.

She likes helping people, and she probably also gets involved with Kai’s club, since Scarlet told her about it.

Her and Jacin met because their father’s were friends.

I dunno what their fathers do though. Maybe the work for the government in some way?

Anyway, her and Jacin have been friends since childhood and have been crushing on each other for years but they’re oblivious fools.

Kinda.

Anyway, for some reason I see Jacin taking Karate? Like he wants to learn to defend himself or whatever and so he tries it and vibes with it?

Lmao I cannot see Jacin being as energetic as you have to be for some things at my dojo (specifically stuff like ‘yes I can!’ and such)

I dunno if every dojo has that sort of thing but.

I could see Jacin forcing Cinder to at least try it for whatever reason.

Cinder is reluctant and first but ends up loving it.

Iko and Cinder have been friends for years. She was there throughout the whole abuse-investigation-fostering-adoption situation.

Iko is popular too, though she doesn’t flaunt it.

I should probably add headcanons about Peony if she’s alive in this but idk that’ll take some thought.

It was Iko that got everyone to meet. They’d been mutuals and knew who everyone was for a while, but it was Iko hosting a move night or game night that really got everyone to meet.

This is where Kai and Cinder can meet and I bet you can guess what happens next.

Anyway, if I think of anything else I’ll add it.

[inkybunny]

MIDORIYA AND A S/O WHO WAS AN ASSASSIN

Midorya was almost finished with school when he met you. He was growing so fast in popularity, the biggest candidate to be the next number 1, of course, that worried villains and paying villains are always welcome to the people who own you. You were the deadliest assassin they had, fast, precise and silent with no fear of death, you were giving all his information. It was a simple plan, luring him with a robbery, attracting him to a specific location without letting he see you and finishing the job, but, of course, killing him proved to be way harder than that.

    It was a surprise when you attacked and he was fast enough to dodge it, you knew he was fast but not enough to dodge an attack he didn't know where or if was coming at all, now, in combat, if he called for anyone it would be mission failed automatically so you needed to finish that quick. Thing is, you weren't made for long battles, you were made for single deadly strikes so the strength difference between you two became obvious quickly.

Deku didn't like the vibe you gave him, not only because you didn't use your quirk at all in the battle so he was always worried about what type of quirk it was, not only because he’s 100% sure he broke one of your ribs while releasing too much power onto you and you didn't even flinch before attacking again, not only because he didn't notice you at all at first and while he was going easy on you to try analyze the situation you almost cut his throat, not only because you didnt talk or react to any of his words. Above all, he hated your eyes, by your appearance you were almost the same age as him, maybe even younger, but your eyes had no life in them, they were… empty. 

    In a blow he managed to destroy your mask and apprehend you, bending some pipes to serve as handcuffs for your arms and legs, a bit overkill, yes, but it was what he had at that moment. He knew he should just call the police and be done with it but, looking at you, since he destroyed your mask he was able to see how innocent and pretty you looked, even with the obvious signs of bad fights, you looked so normal and cute and yet, it felt like you never felt anything, anything at all, not even anger or sadness, you looked so empty and that bothered him so so much.  

    He sitted on your side and tried his best to sound as gentle and kind as possible while talking to you, “What's your name?”, “How old are you?”, “Why do you do this?” he asked as he looked into your eyes with this sad worried look, something you never dealt before, something that filled you with rage. How DARE him treat you with PITY? WHO HE THINKS HE IS? WHO HE THINKS YOU ARE?

    He watched as he notice you were not happy, thinking it would be a nice topic he tries.

“What's your quirk?” 

    You look at him. “Great, at least that got her attention” 

“I figure, since you didn't do nothing special during the fight it was either something to boost your physical abilities or something more mental, like strategic wise, but it could be something other than that and you simply did not got the chance to use it or needed something specific to use, tho I find that quite unlikable since you seemed pretty well prepared to kill me so it would be very out of character to not bring an specific thing you needed to use your quirk” 

You kept looking at him, confused. “He didn't notice?”

  “So… What is it?“ He asked you, with some excitement in his eyes. “She doesn't seem unpleased, just confused, maybe that I was capable of noticing that much?” 

    You scoffed.

“I dont have one.”

“What?” Midorya got a little bit frustrated. “She's lying to me? Probably, but....”

“I don't have a quirk” You looked deep into his eyes, not a single trait of lying on your voice. “I’m quirkless” You said, getting your eyes off him again, looking at the ground.

    A little bit of silence filled your space as Deku was thinking about what you just told him.

“You’re amazing” You looked at him again. “You were able to fight me that well while being quirkless? That's impressive”

It's not like you never heard that before, your owners would often call your victories impressive, but never sounded that… sincere. You looked at the green haired boy as he felt more and more puzzling. “I’m Midorya Izuku, but you can call me Deku if you like” He smiled at you. “What's your name?” 

“I don't have a name, my owners call me 7B”

“Your...Owners?” You nod.

    You could not help but feel extremely comfortable next to that boy, like you could trust him, that he would not take advantage of you, which was super weird, since you just tried to kill him. Midoriya on the other hand, felt his heart grew tight as he felt you had dealt with way too many horrible things.

“Don't move?” You nod as the boy bended the pipes restraining your arms and legs, making you free again.

You got up, killing him was a no chance now, even if you tried to catch him while he was distracted you knew it wouldn't work, you are way too tired and your pain and difficulty to walk straight was an indicative your ribs were definitely broken. You were considering your particular killer alternatives while going away when you felt your arm being grabbed.

“Where are you going?” Silence. “You’re going back?”

“No, they would never take me back with a failed mission, I’m the quirkless assassin, they consider me disposable and less capable than the others, my perfect score was able to keep me alive until now but that's out the window.” - “Others?” Midorya thought with himself.

“Come with me!” You looked at him, confused. “Look, I can help you, Aizawa-sensei can help keep you safe and you can help us find those who did this to you, we can hunt them down and-”

“No”

    No? What? Why? Weren't you unhappy with that life? Didn’t you want to stop murdering people?  Midorya asked himself as he looked at your serious expression, crying for answers.

“You wouldnt understand it” You release yourself from his grip.

“I… I can't understand it if you don't tell me! They are your parents? That's who you call owners? I know it's hard to betray them but…” He stared at your back as you walked away unfazed.

    Parents. Tho is quite unlikely you came into this world with no mom or dad, even tho sometimes you think god created you from nothing to pay for the sins of your past life, your owners weren't your parents, you never had the luxury of meeting them, you don't really know if they are alive or not, not that you have any energy to desire the answer for that. No, all your memories are from inside your owners training, all your memories are being trained within those grey walls and only being out to kill.

“Do you want to live like that forever?” Deku’s voice echoed in your mind, making you angry again.

“Do you think I want to live at all?” You went back to staring at his eyes. “You can't understand it, this is all I am, I’m an useless, quirkless person but being able to force myself at maximum, training harder than anyone else, that made me be here today. How many people do you think I killed? There’s no going back ‘cause there is no back to go to, this, a murderer, is all you’ll have from me.” You felt warm tears coming from your eyes, huh, you can't remember the last time you cried. “Actually, not even that, I couldn't kill my target so, even at the only thing I ever was, I failed. You think you can fix everything with your hero bullshit? I got news for you, some things were made to be awful and there’s no fixing.”

“Do you want to bet?” 

You looked at him, his face was completely serious, bet? Bet what?

“Stay with me for a month, I can make it so you are not suspicious at all, no one will make questions.” He slowly got close to you. “ If, for this entire month, you can't find a single thing you appreciate, if living a normal life, helping people with me, can't make you feel even a little bit of happiness…” 

    Midoriya looked into your eyes with nothing other than honesty in his words. He wiped your tears with his fingers as he looked even more determined.

“I’ll let you kill me!”

“What?” You were so confused, he was saying he would give his life up? For nothing?

“You can't go back to your owners with a failed mission, right? Stay with me for a month, if I can't make you appreciate life then you can go back with the mission completed, say that I captured you to take information but you were able to escape and finish the job.”

    This boy is insane, he has to be, giving his life up for someone he just met? Or he was just so confident in his plan? Maybe he was planning on betraying you and giving you up for the cops, all those questions pop off in your head, in all the ways you could look at this it was weird and completely crazy, insane! And yet, when he standed his hand to you, to firm the agreement, there was a small part of you who wanted to accept it, a small part indeed but so so loud, you felt like the will to accept it echoed through your body as your heart skipped a bit when you looked into Midoriya's eyes and shook his hand. “Deal” you thought.

    Midorya’s smile was the prettiest thing you ever saw.

“Well, since we’re doing this, you're gonna need a name, right? It would be weird for me to call you ‘7B’” You silently looked at him, you never thought of a name for yourself before. “No ideas huh? I could have imagine” He laughed.

“What about...Shizu? You know, as in silent? Since, well your very quiet and all” The boy kept feeling a little embarrassed, he never named a person  before. “No? Thats stupid?”

    The first time in a long long time, you felt yourself smile.

“Shizu is good.”

    Midorya kept every single promise he made you, he took you to so many places, to do so many different things, you read stories for children and went with him seeing the flowers blooming, not even a week in and he won the bet. Your heart was so heavy when you told everyone the truth, way more with the friends Izuku presented to you than to Aizawa-sensei or the cops, when you helped with crashing the Assassins organization. Being completely sincere with yourself you felt happier when everyone from class 1-A accepted you even as an assassin and continued to be your friends like nothing changed than when the judge decided you were not responsible for the things you did while in the organization. 

You still remember the rush of multiple feelings you felt when the widow of one of your victims went to talk to you, as she petted your head kindly and looked at you with those very very sad eyes.

“I’m sorry for everything you had to go through” She smiled. “It's okay, it wasn't your fault, I forgive you.”

    The agonizing feeling on your throat as you fell on your knees and screamed and cried “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry” those words felt like they were trapped for so long.

    You were the one to suggest yourself as a “hero” to the police, not exactly it but that's what they call you. Your skills were very appreciated in the police force and mainly used to serve as a scout or in missions who required fast and silent work, you were technically a hero but, without a quirk, you kept doing those kinda jobs and maintaining yourself low on the hero chart. Not like you didnt like it, in fact, you were quite satisfied with things exactly like that.

       After a year or so, as Midorya were already competing into the top 3, he confessed to you, he never went away and always supported you, even when you were in your “I’m a murderer, a garbage human who dont deserve any of this” moments, he never left your side and always made sure you felt welcomed and cared for, his feelings for you developed steadily for that year and you were completely in love with him as well.

       He was the hand that helped you out of that hell, that showed you kindness and care, nothing more than natural, you fell for him considerably quickly. He was so happy when you said you loved him back and he show you off constantly, to him, getting you off that life was the best thing he ever done, as a hero or not, he can only wish for you the happiest times and he will try his dam best to make you the happiest person on earth, cause, to him, that's what you deserve. 

__________________________

BONUS: “Ah! Shizu, there you are.” Your boyfriend waved at you with the picnic caddy on his hand.

“I thought this was going to be a good spot for the flower blooming.” 

Izuku smiled and seated next to you, starting to open the caddy and put the food on the towel.

“You say that but this is the spot you choose every year!” You laughed, it was indeed, it was the spot Izuku brought you to see the flowers blooming the first time you met.

“You know” Izuku said as he finished with the food and gave you a little kiss on the cheek, he was trying his best but casual mouth kisses were a bit far for him yet. “I was thinking, we gave you a name but isn't it a little bit annoying having to deal with paperwork without having a last name? We should get you one.” 

You looked at him lovely and gave back that cheek kiss making him go a little bit red and smiled.

“I have one in mind, just, not the time yet.”

The green haired man looked at you saying “Hmmm” curious about what type of name you picked. He got two sandwiches and handed you one, your favorite, as usual, you giggle a bit and looked at the trees while taking a bite of the sandwich.

While you looked at the petals falling from not finding a space on the overcrowded trees, you felt happiness and peace. You beg the universe to let you be greedy this one more time, to be able to desire one little thing, you beg the universe as you mouthed the words taking care to not let your boyfriend read your lips, you beg the universe to grant you this one last thing and let you be named

“Shizu Midoriya” __________________________ HEY! Soooo this was fun :3 This is part of a small request I received but I had so many ideas to it I cound not help myself to write and oneshot about it Hope you guys liked it! Gonna post the request soon, dont worry

[btsandvmin]

can you tell me what makes you think jk is not straight i mean i agree with taehyung giving the vibe that he is not straight i feel that too sometimes but i don't know not matter how hard i try to think jk isn't straight i cant believe it maybe bcoz of his obsession over iu, he is just shy, since he is my bias i can see he is interested in girls what do you think?

Originally I was going to make a proper post about this, but I don’t think I will, so I decided to answer this. It’s years old by now so I don’t know if you still read my blog. But because this is related to JK I have put it off. Also there isn’t much to go with for any member, for obvious reasons, so it’s of course only me guessing.

As for JK and BTS in general I don’t want to look too much at their sexualities as something “set”. So I keep the thoughts more to myself, even though I have guesses. As for JK I feel he gets more labeled as “straight” automatically because of his looks and the image people have of him, and “vibes” is something I won’t trust in general. For example when I first came across BTS the more flamboyant members for me was Hobi and Jimin, which made them my first “hmm, I wonder if they maybe aren’t straight”. But now, looking beyond just the norms and people’s stereotypes I actually would guess Hobi is one of the more “straight ones”. I also think Jimin has shown less indications of being non straight than both Tae, JK and Namjoon. Jimin is more difficult to read and seems more careful with what he says and does. And personally I just think JK seems to show more interest in men than women, though this is very vague and can have different reasons.

Anyways, when it comes to JK you mention his “obsession over IU” but what about his obsession over G-Dragon, Justin Bieber, Charlie Puth or even Namjoon? Isn’t it you putting different value in similar behaviour? IU is Korea’s sweetheart and it’s not weird to like or look up to her simply as a singer/artist. She is a safe choice as a type, and it’s difficult to know if he would have any attraction towards her. Especially since even if he wouldn’t be attracted to females he still has to pick a type, and thus in general using those replies to questions they have to answer as confirmation aren’t the best. In my opinion JK seems to idolize men more. See the Australian interview where he is supposed to pick a celebrity crush and JK even gets the option to pick Nicole Kidman (Namjoon suggested the answer) but JK says no, and then picks Hugh Jackman first and then changes to Ironman.

For JK I agree he is shy, and I also think he might avoid girls more because he knows how people ship him with everyone as soon as he does anything. So maybe he seems so uninterested simply because he’s awkward. Like in the American Hustle life JK even gets annoyed with the other members for being so interested in the girls and says “grapes above girls”. JK is literally part of many of the most popular ships in Kpop and honestly his image of being some kind of playboy seems completely fanmade from how JK is in fics, and not based much in JK himself.

He is actually much more feminine that most people seem to remember. Even the members have said he is the most feminine amongst them. Using unisex/female fragrances or clothes, saying he likes the feeling of moisturizing his legs, collects make up and is the best at applying it on himself etc. Obviously this doesn’t make him non straight, I just want to point out people like to ignore JK’s softer sides because they have the image of him being very manly. Just like Jimin has the opposite problem of being labeled as very feminine while people ignore some of his very manly sides.

He also seems to right from the start be the member with least negative statments about male and female stereotypes and gender norms. Most members have said things like “Men don’t do that” etc. But I just want to say JK is the one I have seen do it the least. You have jokes when JK has said it like “Men don’t use hand cream” while Jin was using it, and then right after used it himself and Jin says “You’re not a man then” and JK simply smiled.

Either way, back to the actual question I think JK seems to have been a bit avoidant when it comes to questions about ideal girlfriends, what he would do in situations with girls and other similar “date” questions. Sometimes even the other members jump in to answer for him. For me JK is the one in the group who tries to avoid these types of questions the most, and it seems to be more of a pattern than just happening from time to time.

You also have examples of JK using attributes that can be seen as masculine when answering about his ideal type like “fit” or “muscular” or clothes that aren’t particularly feminine.

He’s said that he doesn’t want to get married and the way he swerved the “celebrity crush” question with “i know her face, but I don’t know her name” etc. is just one good example of how he often tries to not answer these types of question at all. Something common in LGBT people to not have to lie is simply to try and not answer these kinds of questions. Basically he has a lot of “cop out” answers or copies what the others have said or something very impersonal.

He also support a lot of LGBT+ artists and though it’s nothing strange and he’s not the only one I think it counts. He sings Fools by Troye Sivan and specifically recommended his Blue Neighborhood series, in particular the last song, which if you watch the video is obviously about a gay couple. Back in 2015, Jungkook shared the song "MEMO" of Years & Years and it’s also a song about a man who is in love with a closeted man. JK also say the lyrics of the songs he listen to are important.

You have his song with Namjoon where he sings “Cause I love you boy”, even though it’s for fans it’s still a love song where he uses boy (and I know it doesn’t have to have meaning, but it’s small stuff like this collected together).

I honestly also think we shouldn’t ignore Golden Closet, even though I know he did literally live in a closet. Again, obviously things like this could be nothing, and there aren’t a lot with any members. They would have to be very careful and obviously can’t say much if they are part of the LGBT+ community, so I don’t think we can find any real proof for any of their sexualities. 

In general I haven’t seen much that point at JK being specifically straight either, so I am not going to assume him to be either. We also need to remember that showing interest in one gender doesn’t mean you can’t also be interested in others (which is why I personally see Namjoon seems to like women, but I still suspect he isn’t fully straight).

There are many small things like this, just how Big Hit or other members show small hints of LGBT+ support and even use things in the story lines or “gay rights posters” in Danger etc. Things you won’t notice unless you look for it. There are many other examples, but I don’t really feel like talking about it much more, especially as it’s focused on JK.

In the end we don’t know and this is my personal guess. I could definitely be wrong, and that’s fine, but at least to me JK seem to lean more towards being non straight from how I interpret him.

Thanks for the ask, and sorry for the very late reply. Some of you might have no interest in this kind of post at all, but I still kind of wanted to get it out of the way. Again, you don’t have to agree, it’s all just different opinions and speculations after all. I hope you all don’t find this post too unfitting for my blog, I promise it’s not something I will talk about a lot. As for about my thoughts on Tae I might talk about that more at some other time. Hope you found this reply ok. ^^’’’

[novelmachine]

Pride month has come and gone, but we are still here

Gif credit: @bisexualdonatello

I don’t talk about it very often (mostly because I am not officially out) but I’m bisexual. I am attracted to those who identify as my own gender (female) and those who identify as an opposing gender. It has taken a few years of rationalizing and actually sitting with myself to come to accept this. In fact, very recently I had contemplated the legitimacy of my sexuality again. This is due to a few things: I have never had a relationship of any kind, I live in a conservative community, and I am still learning about the terminology and culture that comes from the LGBTQA+ community as a whole. Popular media—visual media specifically—has been a great influence in this regard. The older I got, the more access I had. The more access I had, the more I was able to learn. I grew to have a better understanding of the world around me and could explain how and why the media I consumed resonated with me personally. It took a while, but this is how I got here:

Bi Awakening (Film)

It was the late 00′s when I saw Van Helsing for the first time. I was immediately hooked. It has all the things I loved and still love to this day: monsters, a gothic aesthetic, an anti-hero with a heart of gold, bad-ass women who are immaculately dressed and fight hard, and a tragic ending. I had always been interested in Hugh Jackman ever since I watched him play Wolverine in the X-Men films. This character was what did it for me. Van Helsing was brave yet troubled. He had a knack for fighting evil and finding good where others couldn’t see it. This is a character I would daydream about going on long adventures around the world with. After watching the movie several times, my eyes also followed Anna Valerious, played by Kate Beckinsale. She was determined and a fighter through and through. Her skills and her dedication to her family drew me in. I wanted to hug her and fight monsters by her side. Oh, and did I mention they were both highly attractive? Because they are, just look at them, oh my gosh!! I took a while, but I finally admitted to myself that I like both men and women. Despite never acting on these feelings, I felt content with the conclusion I’d come to. This went on for a few years. It wasn’t until this year that I started questioning it all again.

Bi Confusion (YouTube)

I’ve watched my fair share of ContraPoints videos. In her video Shame, Natalie explains how she came to the conclusion that she is a lesbian. Throughout the video she explains how she was in a heterosexual relationship that, while loving and nice, was not fulfilling. She brings up the topic of compulsory heterosexuality, the feelings some women experience due to the norms of our society. I went in search of the “Am I a Lesbian” article mentioned in the video and read through the whole thing in one sitting. I came away from it feeling like I had unlocked some secret. Maybe I had been confused and conditioned all this time. Often my fantasies with women are more detailed and complex than my fantasies with men. That must mean I'd been avoiding one and embracing the other, right? And since I’ve never been in any kind of relationship, maybe I’d just been conditioned to include men in the equation from the start and couldn’t let it go? I had been entertaining a man I’d met online and had felt the relationship was forced on my end. Maybe I’m just not into men? After much consideration, I decided to give the lesbian label a try. That sounds horrible in retrospect, but I did it. I said the word to myself in private. I thought about spending my life pursuing only women. I excluding men from my fantasies. That didn’t last long. It just didn’t fit me. I learned through that exercise that my feelings for one gender don’t outweigh my feelings for another gender. The reason my fantasies vary is because of limited experience, not lack of interest. The reason I cut things off with the guy I’d been speaking with wasn’t because I was a lesbian, but because we just worked better as friends. I wasn’t a lesbian. I had just overthought my feelings. I’m attracted to people, not just their genders.

Bi Confirmation (Video Games)

My first exposure to Resident Evil was through several LP’s on YouTube. I have managed to play through a few games myself, though. The past few years have been really good for the Resident Evil franchise, the most noteworthy additions being the remake editions of Resident Evil 2 & 3. Leon’s a bad-ass super cop who just wants to do the right thing. Claire is an amazing person who cares so much about the people closest to her. Jill’s the most OP character in Resident Evil and just wants to save the world. Carlos is a genuinely good guy who wants to help. These people are heroic, bad-ass, and hot? Excuse me, I need a minute...Basically, I want to be these characters and be with them. I can confidently say that I am bisexual. There are other fictional characters I can point to that I would say affirm my sexuality—Casey Jones and April O’Neil from TMNT, Diana Prince and Steve Trevor from Wonder Woman, Markus from Detroit: Become Human, Harley Quinn from Birds of Prey—but Resident Evil has the most characters I love in a single franchise. When I was questioning my sexuality, I looked at these video game characters I had come to like and realized there was no denying myself. It’s okay to like both. Both is good.

Bi Acceptance (TikTok)

In conclusion, sexuality is weird. You might think you’re a young straight when all of a sudden you realize you find both a dashing monster hunter and a beautiful cursed princess attractive. Then, years later, you might watch a YouTube video that has you questioning yourself all over again, only to realize you are who you though you were after playing a game about fighting zombies. Basically, visual media helped me discover myself. But that’s not the end of it. I’ve found myself on TikTok a lot since the pandemic started. It’s nice seeing people in the LGBTQA+ community having fun and making the most of a shitty situation. I rediscovered Sarah Schauer, which was a nice surprise. Come to find out, she’s bisexual too. Seeing this community band together in times like these has been a heartening experience. So many positive vibes. There may be people out there who say you should only like one or another, or that being in a heterosexual relationship diminishes your sexuality, but those people are wrong. The bottom line is that you cannot tailor how you feel to fit the expectations of others. This post is kind of weird and out of nowhere, and a little very self centered, but I had to get this off my chest. This will likely never be read by anyone. However, if you are reading this and you have had a similarly weird experience, know that you are not alone. You may have just realized your feelings, you may have known for a long time, or you may still be trying to figure things out. That’s okay. Your feelings are valid. Your experience is valid. You are valid.

TL;DR Whenever I am questioning my sexuality I remember Resident Evil and I am at peace. Also through all this I’ve learned I have a type: bad-ass hero with a kind heart.

[flying-elliska]

What are the important bisexual characters that you said helped you? I am having a hard time finding good bi representation in which they aren’t considered promiscuous or unstable

Hiya anon ! What a quality question, thank you ! Here’s another mini essay about bi rep lmao.  If there are some that I forgot please tell me ! And to everyone, tell me about the bi characters who made an impact on your life, I’d love to know !!!!

Okay so.

-  When I answered the anon and talked about the characters that helped me come to terms with my sexuality, I talked about two in particular. Jack Harkness from Torchwood is depicted as very promiscuous, and somewhat instable. He still meant a lot to me because a) him sleeping around was never that much of a problem, it was because he was from the future, where things were different, which I thought was refreshing and b) his instability was because of the weight of being an immortal hero. Also fanon!Dean Winchester from SPN, as an older, more macho, emotionally witholding, badass dude written as bi meant a lot to me, but he doesn’t really avoid that stereotype either. But at least they were heroes.  However, I can understand wanting bi characters that actually don’t fit that stereotype, because bi people irl aren’t all like that, even if there is nothing wrong per se about sleeping with a lot of different people, or having mental issues to struggle with. And that was a while ago and now we have more and more cool characters ! Such as :

- Rosa Diaz from Brooklyn Nine-Nine. One of the best portrayals of bisexuality on TV imho. She didn’t start out as bi, she was this tough, cool, scary but with a heart of gold cop who had a lot of other plotlines before. But then, since they saw that a lot of wlw got this vibe from her, were really into her, and the actress came out as bi herself, they decided to use this. So it was super organic, and the way they introduced the subject was true to Rosa herself ; she’s a super private person, she doesn’t like anybody knowing about her life (it’s actually a running joke and Rosa Diaz has been implied to not even be her real name). But then she is dating a woman, and struggles with her parents not understanding and her coworkers find out, help her and support her. Her gay captain is there for her in his typical stoic but hilarious way. They organize game night with her when her parents won’t anymore. We see her crushing on women and dating, but it is treated exactly as the other character’s love life, they never make a big deal out of it. She isn’t the token queer character. She says outright she is bisexual and there is a specific point about her mom not understanding it’s not a phase and thinking she’ll end up with a man anyway, which #relatable. The focus is on the team as found family. Also right now she’s dating a butch woman, which is awesome since they are so underrepresented on TV and I hope we see more of her. That show really is my comfort show, it’s still bloodly hilarious and it really transcends the format to say some really deep woke stuff too, but never in a way that feels on the nose. Everyone should watch it tbh. 

- Korrasami ! Oh my god, I was so blown away when they got together. They’re two characters from the animated series Legend of Korra, they start out as rivals in love who have feelings for the same guy, but as they have to fight baddies together, they become bestest of friends, and both fall out of love with the guy. Then in season 3 and 4, their relationship becomes central to the show, as Asami stands by Korra through some really tough shit. Also, they’re both ultra badass and fight really well together. A lot of fans started reading their chemistry as romantic, but we’d never thought they’d actually go there. But the show ends with them walking into the ‘sunset’ (well, the spirit lands) together, holding hands. Now, it was never completely explicit on the show BUT they were dealing with a lot of censure from the networks and you have to be willingly obtuse not to read it as romantic. And after that the creators drew them on dates, and there is a comic series in which they are shown kissing, talking about their feelings, introducing each other to their families, etc. It made me feel so validated when it happened, and I just adore the whole ‘love triangle ditches the middle one and fall in gay love with each other’ trope. (is it a trope yet ? it should be.) It’s still a kids show at its core, but it has amazing depth and deals with some very deep shit. Korra starts off as a bit annoying but she has a really cool development, she’s a girl character we need more of - brave, dynamic but also brash and reckless and action driven in ways that are almost always exclusively shown for boys. And Asami is a more typical girly girl but she’s also a brilliant engineer and has a spine of steel and she’s also very slyly funny. They’re amazing. And the comics are super cute. 

- Now there are a lot of characters who are bi/pan that I love, and are good characters in themselves, but their arcs do intersect in some ways with promiscuity and mental instability. I’m thinking about Even from Skam and all his remake variants, Magnus Bane from Shadowhunters, several characters from Black Sails, Sarah Lance and Constantine from Legends of Tomorrow, Eleanor Shellstrop from the Good Place, Bo from Lost Girl, Ilana from Broad City, Joe McMillan from Halt and Catch Fire, God/Chuck from Supernatural (lmaooooo), several characters on Penny Dreadful, or in a totally different category, Vilanelle from Killing Eve or Hannibal from the series (who are hella bad guys but it’s never linked to their sexuality, and are also incredibly compelling to watch.)

 And even though these characters taken individually, I would argue, are good rep because they’re complex and layered and interesting and never one-dimensional (and watching them feels incredibly empowering at times)....it’s still a trend. I feel like when writing a character that is attracted to multiple genders, there is always this sort of...tangle of tropes that writers default to, unconsciously. Some negative and some positive. It used to be this trope of bis being villainous, instable, jealous, flaky, immature, perverted, manipulative, cheaters, amoral, greey, etc...and then it evolved into something of a reclaiming and subverting this trope. So now you feel like the Bi Character kind of has to be badass, glamorous, seductive, often superpowered or extraordinary in other ways.. And they also for multiple reasons (they’re immortal, they’re sensitive artist souls, they’re from the future, they’re psycho, they’re exccentric comic relief, they’re daring adventurers and pioneers) don’t care about social norms which allows them to sleep and fall in love with whomever. And so they tend to have those super busy romantic/sexual histories and very troubled backstories. In the past it was a bad thing, now it’s often presented as this positive, enlightened or at least fun and badass thing. They’re heroic, with big hearts, a tremendous lust for life and a cool rebellious attitude. They’re complex, dramatic, tortured. Which can be super cool, too. 

But it would be nice to have more ‘normal’ bi characters. I mean, boring bisexuals need to see themselves represented too ! Our sexualities don’t give us super powers. At the same time, it is true that bisexual ppl have higher rates of mental illness, which deserves to be explored, but it would be nice if it was actually articulated and not just part of this trope.  But still. We need rep, I think, that is more grounded and varied. So I think that’s also why I read a lot of fanfic. (I was really into the idea of bi Steve Rogers for a long time, partly also because he’s both very mentally resilient, kinda boring in a good way, and very unexperienced in terms of sex/romance, which is pretty much the opposite of the trope)

- I think books, and YA in general, are a good place to find these ‘normal bis’ characters. I’m thinking in particular of Leah from Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli (from the same book series that gave us the ‘Love, Simon’ movie) which is a super sweet coming of age/romance story about a super normal teenager who just happens to be also into girls (esp her best friend) and is loud and funny and very lovable and has zero doubts about being bi. You also have Adam Parrish from the Raven Cycle, another one of my forever faves ; he has an abusive family so PTSD from that but it never feels tropey, and it’s completely detached from his sexuality. He has magic powers, too. But his character feels completely opposite to the trope. He’s hardworking, somewhat withholding, prickly (and sometimes awkward), ambitious, determined, down to earth, and has a beautiful love story with another boy. And also Jane, from Jane Unlimited by Kristin Cashore, also really cool ; she’s a nerdy, smart girl who is actually inspired by Jane Eyre who has cool adventures in a weird house where we can follow her on different paths depending on the choices she makes, several of which are love stories. And finally the main character from The Seven Husbands from Evelyn Hugo, kinda fits the trope yeahhh since she’s a super glam actress who well, has seven husbands but it’s a pretty clever deconstruction since it turns out (slight spoilers) that Evelyn is actually through most of her life faithful in heart to the same person and the rest is mostly out of necessity, and her story feels very real and raw and down to earth. 

- I don’t go there yet but I really want to check out Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and Schitt’s Creek which I have read have very good bi rep. And I want to catch up on Orphan Black (Cosima and Delphine both don’t have exact labels but they’re multi-gender attracted and they’re this cool couple of scientists in a relationship that gets a happy ending). I will never forgive what they did to Lexa so I stopped watching but I do think that Clarke Griffin from The 100 is very good bi rep. Alexia from Skam France, meanwhile, is a bit of a boundary case for me because, even though she’s presented as the ‘weird one’ from the group, very colorful and liberated and exccentric, she’s still a very normal teen who’s happy and comfortable in her own skin, which is awesome. 

- Disclaimer, I included characters in here that are also pan/omnisexual or don’t have a label but are attracted to several genders, for the purpose of this discussion i don’t think the difference is all that relevant at least to me (i mostly identify as bi for the sake of simplicity but tbh i could also fit under pan so i feel represented by all those characters). But I understand the importance of characters that state their identities more clearly and with pride. 

- So in conclusion : there is nothing wrong with having a sexually active life or struggling mentally (even tho that one is not fun). And I do love all my badass casanova time travelling super powered bis. 

But we need more bi characters that don’t fit that trope. We need bi characters in children’s shows, or that don’t have more than one relationship, or that don’t have a relationship at all, to break the tendency to always show bisexual ppl as overly sexual. We need bi characters in committed relationships to break this idea that bi characters are bound to cheat or can’t be satisified with only one person. We need bi characters that are mentally stable and successful and happy, to show that it’s possible. We need bi characters that are boring, bookish, nerdy, ordinary, clumsy, not particularly seductive, socially awkward, rule-sticklers, etc...to show that bi people are not all party animals, or doing it for attention, or to be wild, rebellious and socially progressive. It’s just a sexuality, it doesn’t say anything about your personality. Even though there are some correlations with MI or being bi might bring you in contact with more progressive ideas and to see life a bit differently, there is nothing automatic about it. 

- In conclusion, reading testimonies from real people also helped me a lot. It’s a very dated but I got the book “ Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out “ when I was struggling with my own sexuality and it helped a lot, to read that even back then (1991) you had all sorts of regular ppl claiming to be bi and that it was not a phase or a fad or whatever. 

[itsletstalkgames]

Let’s Talk Resident Evil 2 (Remake)

“If you see one of those things-uniform or not-you do not hesitate. You take it out, or you run.”

The zombie apocalypse is something everyone thinks about at least one point in their lives. Then there’s those people who bring that idea to life, and one of those products is Resident Evil 2. This game was first released back in 1998, but recently remade from the ground up for PS4, Xbox One, and PC. I’m one of those few that never experienced the original, even though I have a console (N64) that can play it. I never decided to grab it because I’m not a huge horror fan, but I became very intrigued when the remake was revealed at E3 2018. A week after launch I decided to buy it on PS4 and try it out, but didn’t finish it until recently, so I’m gonna talk about it now. Bear with me as I am not a great writer, but let’s dive right in.

Main Story and Game-play

Resident Evil 2 is an action, survival horror game with puzzles here and there. The game confines you into small areas with limited supplies, making you explore your surroundings to progress while avoiding death by the numerous zombies littered about the areas. Plot is pretty straight forward at first: survive and find your way out of the zombie infested city known as Raccoon City. Overtime the game explores how the outbreak happened and who is responsible, but I won’t discuss that here as I’ll try to make this as spoiler-free as I can. There are two main characters in this game: Leon S. Kennedy and Claire Redfield. Leon is a rookie cop who recently got enlisted to the Raccoon City Police Department, but never gets orders for his first assignment. He decides to head into the city to see what is wrong. Claire is a college student who is looking for her brother Chris, who was last seen at the Raccoon City Police Station. The two meet at a zombie infested gas station, where they experience the horror of the outbreak first hand. While narrowly escaping death, the two head to Raccoon City to find answers on what is going on. After getting separated in the city, they decide to go to the Raccoon City Police Department (I’m gonna call it RPD from here on out) hoping for survivors. When you arrive (as one of the characters) you realize there’s no one left and you have to find your way out before you’re somebody’s dinner.

Now let’s talk about game-play. As I said before this game is an action survival horror game with puzzles thrown in, and it does a really good job. The horror aspect is spot on. The zombies are so well detailed they feel like people with lives before they were turned, unlike past zombie games I have played. The move around with such realism, sometimes staggering, making it seem like they’re avoiding your attacks, when they’re actually just moving around. They are literal sponges though, taking a lot of bullets before getting taken down, and even then sometimes they’ll play dead and ruin your time later. This mechanic gives the whole horror aspect a lot more, well, horror. You’ll shoot a zombie to the ground and then go into another room. When you come back, the body is gone, and it gives you adrenaline thinking like, “Oh crap where is it now”, as in my experience the zombies usually hide when they come back to life-sometimes in plain sight-and will take a nibble out if your nice fleshy shoulder. The lighting is amazing. Lots of dimly lit places giving you a horror vibe that you’re alone and helpless in this world of man eating zombies. In these hallways and rooms you carry a flashlight, which gives you a limited amount of sight. The music sets the tone of the game, only showing up when you are in danger

Throughout the game you’ll explore the police station, unlocking rooms and grabbing new weapons, ammo, health items, and key items to help you progress throughout the station and later different areas. The police station in my opinion is where the meat of the game-play is. Exploring a station with puzzles that have intertwining solutions, where solving one puzzle will give you an item to solve another puzzle, and so on and so forth. After a while you’ll feel that you have conquered the police station. The best part is that the game knows this and puts your knowledge to the test by sending a big and menacing enemy at you: The Tyrant. This unstoppable foe will hunt you down throughout your time at the police station right before you leave it, Doing unbelievable damage with just a punch. At this point you’re gonna have to change your style of play, with now an unkillable enemy on your tail, the game gives you a sense of urgency to find out how to escape the station once and for all. Ways you can tell when the Tyrant is nearby is his loud footsteps. If you hear his footsteps he is probably a room or two over, which at times has scared the crap out of me. Sometimes he’ll appear without warning and sock you right in the face. The tyrant is also attracted by any noises you make. If you shoot a gun or get hurt from a nasty zombie bite, the tyrant will know where you are and immediately head over to the location where the noise happened. If that scenario happens-and it will-the best you can do is leave that area before he gets there. You can avoid him by stunning him with gunshots or sub weapons, or hiding in “safe rooms”. These rooms are basically rooms where no enemies will go, giving you a breather from the games constant action.

One of the few problems I have with this game is the characters. This game wants you to feel alone and helpless. So when the game introduces more characters, I want to know who and what their motives are. The game doesn’t really tell me the backstories of these characters, killing most of them off before they start to open up the personalities of these characters. With Leon and Claire the game gives you only the necessary things you need to know, while throughout the game expanding their personalities at least a little bit. It doesn’t do that with most of the other characters which I found disappointing, as some characters were really interesting, then just killed off (like game of thrones? I don’t know I haven’t watched game of thrones yet). To me this is really minor to the game being the game it is but still a gripe I have with it nonetheless.

After beating the game the first time you’ll unlock the “second run” for the other character. I decided to play through the game as Claire and the did the second run as Leon. This run takes place during your run as the first character, so in this case there were subtle hints littered throughout areas that Claire was there. There were a few problems though. Some puzzles I solved as Claire were completely untouched when I played the second run. I understand that this will ruin the second run if these puzzles were already solved, but they could try to make different ones just to make things fresh. Second run switched items around and enemy placement around, also since you played the game already and know your way around the map, the game will send the Tyrant at you minutes after you first enter the police station. The game also gives you a new starting weapon to deal with the difficulty rise that the second run gives you. Overall the second run was different enough for it to be fresh, but is towards the end just like the first run in terms of puzzles and enemy placement.

Extra Modes

The last thing I’ll touch on is the extra modes, each just kind of an aggressive escape sequence. There are 6 in total, 3 being unlocked from the start and the other 3 being unlocked after specific requirements. I’ll start with the 3 you do get. These 3 modes are called the “Ghost Survivors”, you play as a certain character in the main story that you meet and it's a what if scenario that they survive. I think it’s really cool that they added this little feature, as it was something I thought about when I met these characters. There’s one more ghost survivor that you unlock after you beat all 3 of the others and this one is a little different. Instead of getting from point A to point B you stay confined in one area and have to kill a certain amount of enemies to win. Like I said before I’m being very vague with characters so I don’t spoil anything.

The last two extras are tied to the main story and actually happen. Well, one of them. “The 4th Survivor” is unlocked after you beat the second run with either character. It follows a soldier by the code-name of “Hunk” who is trying to meet his extraction point to leave raccoon city. This mode is like the ghost survivors but is different in a way where you don’t get more items to progress, what you have is what you have and you don’t get anymore things. It’s a thrilling adrenaline filling mode that challenges you to your limit. After beating this mode you unlock the “joke” mode of this game: “The Tofu Survivor”. Yes you heard that right, you play as a giant block of tofu. It’s the same as the 4th survivor except you only start out with combat knives instead of having guns, and obviously you’re a giant block of tofu. When you beat this mode you unlock different flavors of tofu that’ll give you different load outs, but all in all it’s the same experience and I laughed while watching my piece of tofu getting eaten by zombies.

Conclusion

Resident Evil 2 excels at making you feel alone and helpless in the zombie infested place of Raccoon City. It’s atmosphere is rich and terrifying, and its game play is nice and solid. The plot is not the best but the mystery it gives you makes you hungry for more on what happened in this world. Characters are vague when it comes to personality and the second run was a lot less unique than I wanted though. This is a horror game, and one of the best I’ve played to this day. I played around 25 hours in total with both main story runs and all the extra modes you get, and had an amazing time. If you like horror, you’re going to like this game. And even if you don’t like horror, maybe this’ll be the game that’ll help you turn. It’s a great game I’m glad I chose to experience.

How can it be better?

As I said before they don’t go in depth with some characters since they get killed off. Maybe the best way to approach this problem I have is to make use of the files that are littered throughout the game and make it so they’re like other characters being suspicious of said character or the character writing a memo about what they’ve done or just something around those lines. Now let’s move to the tyrant. he would be way more of a menace if he was “killable”. what do i mean by that? Why he just plays dead like some zombies do. You shoot this menace down and he’ll play dead, you walk away feeling way more relaxed and victorious, only to hear him walking around the station a minute or two later and bursting into the room you’re currently in. This solves the problem of having no time at all to do puzzles without the tyrant bursting in and interrupting your progress, and a nice touch would be going to where the dead body was and not seeing it there cues some kind of music to play or even just one shrill sounding chord to add impact to the tyrant still being alive. Another minor change I would've liked is making the starting weapon you get in the second be a little more useful later on. the only reason i kept it over the original starting weapon is because you can’t find normal handgun ammo anymore as they replace it with the special ammo you use for the new starting weapon. the new starting weapon also doesn’t get upgrades like every other weapon. so it becomes a little obsolete near the end and I’d rather use the original starting weapon when the game gave me gunpowder, because combining gunpowder makes handgun ammo and not the special handgun ammo, which I found bizarre. But that’s enough rambling. Thanks for listening to me talk Resident Evil 2

Be sure to comment what games you wanna see me rant about next!

[salt-sass-and-lyrium]

Friend Dramu

(... do people still say dramu? God I’m so old)

So I have this friend... let’s call her Sarah. Sarah is great. I adore her. I actually have a pretty big crush on her. Found out not too long ago that she actually has a crush on me as well (didn’t know how I felt about her, started dating someone, then found out), but is currently in a relationship so, oh well, missed connections or whatever.

Anyway.

Sarah’s boyfriend is a creep. Like. ‘Gives me the legit willies’ creep. You know how when you see a guy who looks like a foot and acts like a jackass with some great girl and you’re like “.. how the fuck--.” Yeah. Their relationship is the embodiment of that. Sarah loves him... let’s call him Jim. Sarah loves Jim. She adores him. I can’t see why. I actually knew Jim (though admittedly not very well) before they even met, and he’s always weirded me out. Always. He never actually did anything, so I just let it go, but he just gave me a weird vibe that made me super uncomfortable, so I pretty much avoided him.

But, him and Sarah started dating, and I adore Sarah, and she adores him so... we’re kinda forced together. But, like I said, Jim is a creep. And an ass. Who has a probably serious drinking problem. I didn’t know this prior to them dating, but apparently he has a history of getting drunk and beating women. Anyway, long story short, Sarah, Jim and I, along with a few of their friends all hung out for a FriendsGiving in the fucking boonies last year. Sarah got literally black out drunk. Like, had no idea where she was, falling all over herself, apparently chipped a tooth at some point, had zero memory of anything the next day black out drunk. But, Sarah has a crush on me, and wants to diddle me. But. I’m not that girl. If you’re so drunk you can’t walk, don’t know where you are, then you can’t consent. And I’m not fucking someone who can’t give consent.

Unfortunately, Jim is fully aware of Sarah’s crush (I don’t know if he knows I reciprocate her feelings, but w/e, it’s irrelevant). So Jim spent the evening first gently hinting at Sarah wanting to fuck me, then flat out just trying to shove us into a room together so we could fuck. Again. I’m not that type of girl. I’m not going to take advantage of someone who has no idea where the fuck they are, so I keep pretending to be oblivious, or just ignoring him. Jim gets extremely drunk as well, and starts getting handsy with me. Which, I’m not kosher with. He ‘accidentally’ enters a room where he knows I’m changing (and people outside the room are shouting at him to not enter because I was changing), ‘accidentally’ just happens to walk in front of me fucking naked (he is not an attractive man, tbh) several times. ‘Accidentally’ tries to pull me into his lap. “Accidentally” keeps touching me. Then he tries to talk me into taking a shower with him (yeaaaah, no) and then, what topped it off, was he literally tried to force his way into the bathroom with me. Like, he’s easily twice my fucking size, and I’m “legs braced against the sink body pressed against the door” trying to stop this fucking guy from breaking the door down so he can try and force me to fuck his black out drunk girlfriend. I’m telling him to go away, that I’m trying to pee (I actually was) and that I don’t want him to come in. He’s just shouting over me and throwing himself against the door. I’m like .5 seconds away from calling the cops when he suddenly stops and walks away. I pee, but before I get out of the bathroom, he and Sarah had gotten into some sort of argument, which resulted in him shoving her across the room, kicking open a door and storming out of the house. Which, I’m 150% not fucking okay with. Not to mention he talks to her like she’s a fucking idiot, when she’s easily one of the most intelligent people I’ve ever met. Like, that’s not the crush talking. She’s got an incredibly scientific mind and it’s fucking amazing.

ANYWAY.

After the FriendsGiving fiasco, I told Sarah that Jim made me extremely uncomfortable, to the point where I literally had a panic attack and had to drive home, panicking and slightly drunk, from the fucking boonies where there’s not even fucking street lights at like 2am. It was kinda awkward for a while, and still is really awkward. Because Sarah adores Jim. And wants to bring him EVERY WHERE. Like, I wanted to go see John Wick 2 when it was in theaters. She asked me if I wanted to go with her, and I of course said yes, because I hadn’t seen her in a while. I - several times - mentioned how happy I was to have a ‘just us girls’ type of day, and Sarah agreed. And then right before we were supposed to meet up, I get a “We’ll be heading out soon” message.

... uhhhh who the fuck is WE? Her and fucking Jim, that’s who. So, I didn’t go (and still haven’t seen it, no spoilers). Happened again. And again. In fact, I haven’t seen her in person in months. I’ve specifically stated, numerous times, that I just want to hang out with just her, not Jim. Granted, I’ve sugar coated it more than I probably should have, but I feel “just us girls” and “just us two”, among other things, is pretty clear. So, we didn’t talk for a while, and I really missed her. She messaged me, twice, recently. First time she asked if I wanted to go see a play with her (she just said, “with me”). And I legit wasn’t positive if I’d be able to or not, so I said maybe. She mentioned “we” and then said that our ‘mutual friend’ Jen (like we’ve met but barely know each other) would be joining. Ok. Cool. I can do Jen. Then, she lets it slip that Jim is coming. SO, no. I don’t go.

The other day, she asks me if I’m going to this EDM event this coming weekend. I had plans in the morning, and it’s in the afternoon, so I said “maybe”. She started talking about how  much she wanted to see me and how excited she was to spend time with me (assuming I went) and how we needed to spend some time together and catch up, yada yada yada. So while I’d initially not planned on going, I started considering it. And then she dropped the “Yeah, you can carpool with me and Jim!”

... no, Sarah. No. 

Like, I KNOW she knows that Jim makes me uncomfortable. I’ve told her. She apologized for it, said that he’s dialing back his drinking, yada yada yada. I wasn’t really in the mood to hear it at the time (because it’s BS) and still aren’t, but she knows. I guess she’s still trying to force us to be friends or something, I dunno. 

I’m just bummed because I’d like to spend time with her, and just her (or her and literally anyone who is not Jim, tbh) but she just keeps worming him into any plans we make. Get our nails done and get wine? Cool. Jim is going to meet us for wine. Go shopping? Cool, Jim is tagging along. Literally specified Girl’s Movie Night at my place? Welp, guess who’s SUPER INTO all of the movies we’re planning on watching and just HAS to tag along? Fucking Jim. And frankly, it’s not any of my business who she dates. She’s an adult, I can not and will not tell her how to live her life. But it just rubs me the wrong way. He treats her and talks to her like she’s an idiot and she either is so spun she doesn’t see it, or doesn’t care. He’s gotten physical with her at least once, but I suspect probably more. Especially because it’s a thing that’s happened with his exes, and if you’re the type of person who’d hit a S.O. then it doesn’t matter who you’re with. And I’m just at a loss for what to do. I don’t want to lose her as a friend, but I don’t want to hang out with Jim, or be around Jim, or even in the same building as Jim (he SERIOUSLY creeps me out and makes me uncomfortable). And she’s either not getting that, or ignoring it. And it sucks

TL;DR: I’ve got a really awesome friend who has a really shitty boyfriend who makes me extremely uncomfortable. Said boyfriend, in addition to just being shitty, is also violent, a raging drunk, an asshole and a creep. I’ve told awesome friend (admittedly, I sugar coated it, but still made it clear imho)  that her boyfriend makes me uncomfortable, but she keeps trying to seemingly force us to hang out and keeps inviting him places, even when I specify that it’s ‘just us girls’ or ‘just us two’ yada yada yada. As a result, since shitty boyfriend literally makes me uncomfortable to the point it ruins my day, I won’t go anywhere with him. Which, since she keeps trying to bring him to any and everything we plan, means I haven’t been able to hang out with her at all. Which, super sucks. Annnd idk what to do about it.