#'youre too good for us' can you please stop being so fucking entitled and stop deciding for me???

[iqmmir]

Istfg are they for real right now

[readychilledwine]

Mister Grumpy Pantseses

Summary - All you wanted was a day in the vegetable garden with your husbands. Your husbands just wanted to spend the day at each other's throats.

Warnings - a bit of a communication issue trope, grumpy sunshine, reader is Tamlin's sister and uses one of his tactics, jealousy, name calling, Fluff, reader is a literal ray of joy

Prompt - Day 5 - Favorite Tropes

A/N - Happy @polyacotarweek day 5! I am running a little behind, so my other fave trope will be up later, but enjoy a little grumpy azris with their sunshine reader with a bit of miscommunication

💕Poly+ACOTAR Week Masterlist💕

 “Fucking asshole.”

“Azriel!”

“Bastard.”

“Eris!” You pouted at your mates, sighing as they glared at each other. "Can we please have a nice breakfast? We have so much work to do in the garden if we want the vegetables ready in time to take to the hungry. We need to have energy."

Azriel grumbled an agreement while Eris rolled his eyes. “I am more than happy to spend time with you, foxling. It is that one I can't stand the sight of right now.”

"Eris!"

“Eris, our mate is asking you to stop being an entitled, self righteous, snake for one day. Surely you can handle that.”

“Azriel!”

“You're the one who set me off this morning, Azriel. Must you always run around brooding?” You felt yourself slowly sinking into your chair. The males you love most were both tired, so very tired. They were stressed from their duties and all you wanted was to love and help them.

They had not spent time with just each other in a few weeks. Eris had been too heavily scented on their last night together. It had been Azriel's way of telling you hello, but it lingered, dancing into the air during breakfast at the Forest House the next day. You had glamored it well enough from everyone but his mother. She seemed to see through you and Eris. Almost like she knew you two were hiding something or someone. Eris had caved, telling her everything about Azriel. Her advice had been simple, protect him. 

And Eris had taken that as, “Avoid him.” 

You looked between your two glaring mates, heartbroken at how their sadness was turning to grumpiness. “I'm going to go to the garden. Maybe you two should talk.” You left before one of them could respond then smiled, warding them in the cabin. If they wouldn't talk willingly, you'd force them to!

Azriel glared at Eris, and the heir returned it fully. “Our mate, our beautiful, selfless, and kind mate is outside by herself. Working in that damned garden. Because you want to be a grumpy asshole.”

Eris looked shocked, eyes wide as his jaw dropped. “I haven't done anything! I tried to greet you last night, and you ignored me in favor of y/n. Then this morning you wouldnt even kiss me good morning!”

“Can you blame me? She at least answers when I write.” Azriel watched the hit land, watched as Eris seemed to deflate. 

“I missed you. Regardless of how you feel, I missed you.” Eris stood to go out the door and jumped back as he was shocked. “Oh you have got to be kidding me.”

Azriel felt his face fall as well, walking to the after he did and jumping back as he was shocked as well. “Took that straight out of her brother's book, didn't she?” 

Eris couldn't help but laugh. “She doesn't even know he did that. I keep her here and away from him and Rhysand lately. It would break her heart all over again."

Azriel then began to laugh too, “She hates when we are mean to each other.”

“Because the world should be sunshine and rainbows.”

“And we are grumpy.” 

The ward seemed to lessen as the two males laughed before moving to the large sliding door that overlooked your garden. You were laughing, the rays of light seeming to want to follow and dance with you. You were such a breath of air. Untouched by the cruelty of the world and sheltered. It had turned you into the happiest female the two of them had ever met. The glass was always half full in your mind if you didn't decide that it was already running over and just a teeny tiny cup. 

Being paired with them, two grumpy and brooding males, seemed unfair to you most days. You were always laughing, always making jokes, and for 300 years, Eris had protected you from it being any other way. When he had taken you to a diplomatic meeting pre-Amarantha though, that had all changed. 

The bond snapping between you and Azriel had been difficult, life changing, and rewarding. He pursued you, regardless of your known status as Eris's wife and mate, and his pursuit paid off. It had kept you safe from Amarantha, and once they all had been freed, the bond between him and Eris snapped. 

That had been a different journey. The two of them were constantly butting heads, constantly arguing, constantly making you cry. It all ended though when Eris had been brave enough to bluntly address the situation. He had pulled Azriel to him, crashing his lips down on his, and the rest became history. Where everyone else saw a fight during the High Lord's meeting, you saw foreplay. 

Azriel sighed, watching you, and then turned back to Eris. “Why did you avoid me? I worried I had hurt you.” 

“You scented me too heavily. She could hardly hide it.”

Azriel nodded, a scarred hand then taking the other male's calloused one. “Did he hurt you?”

“No. She focused on hiding it from him.”

“I am sorry.”

Eris whispered the words back before leaning his head on Azriel's shoulder. “She's so beautiful and happy.”

“You are also beautiful,” Azriel looked him over. “Though, you are as she says, a grumpy pants.”

Eris huffed. “Odd. She says the same of you.” The ward seemed to drop fully. Allowing Azriel to reach his hands out to door and slide it open. “Brat.” He muttered.

“You'll take care of that later.”

“And you will help?”

You smiled as your mates walked out before jumping with glee. “Eris! There's a bunny!”

“Yeah? I'm sure we have many bunnies, my love.”

You glared at him before turning to Azriel. “Azriel!” You paused dramatically. “There's a bunny!”

The shadowsinger looked to the heir, a small smirk on his face as you stuck your tongue out at him. “Show me, starlight.”

General Taglist:

@hnyclover @glitterypirateduck @slytherinindisguise @mischiefmanagers @bloodicka @starsinyourseyes @the-sweet-psycho @mariahoedt @rinalouu @sarawritestories @starryhiraeth @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @cumuluscranium @loneliestluvr @eternallyelvish @azrielsmate3 @daughterofthemoons-stuff @meritxellao @aria-chikage @hungryforbatboys @lilah-asteria

Poly+ACOTAR Week Taglist

@amara-moonlight @toporecall @littlestw01f @prettylittlewrites @anuttellaa @nayaniasworld @123345566

Ps- I had to fix the tags! I apologize!

[cutielando]

out of line ~ rafe cameron

my masterlist

Ever since you could remember, Ward had always been hard on Rafe. It might have been because he was his only son, it might be because he wanted him to mature early on, or it might be just because he hated his son.

At least that's what Rafe had come to believe.

Nothing he did ever seemed to be right. His father would always find faults in every single thing Rafe did, crushing the boy's morale every single time.

"I don't know how to please him anymore" he would always say when he came to you, all sad and unmotivated to even live.

You hated seeing your boyfriend like that. You hated the way Ward acted towards his son. You hated the fact that he always made Rafe feel bad about your relationship, always filling his head with thoughts that he didn't deserve you, that he should do you a favor and let you go because you would be better off without you.

It made your blood boil.

As you were laying on the couch in Rafe's home, his body laying on top of yours and your arms wrapped around his body, you were hoping to God that his father would not ruin your night.

"Rafe?" hearing Ward's voice made the both of you tense.

Rafe got up from laying on you and sat upright on the couch just as Ward walked in.

Eyeing you, you could see him clench his jaw and swallow harshly.

"Yes, dad?" Rafe said, clearing his throat and looking up at his father.

"What are you doing?" he asked, looking between the both of you.

The atmosphere in the room was tense, and you knew that Rafe was desperately weighing his answers to make sure he wouldn't say the wrong thing.

That is precisely why you decided to be the one doing the talking tonight, hopeful to finally give the older man a piece of your mind.

"We were watching a movie before you interrupted us" hearing you speak made Rafe's heart start beating rapidly.

He wiped his head around to look at you with wide eyes, but you kept eye contact with the older Cameron man.

"Excuse me?" his voice was dangerously low, but you weren't afraid of him and had no intention of backing down.

"You heard me. Do you want something with Rafe or not?" you asked, now standing up and stopping while face-to-face with him.

"You better watch your mouth, young lady" his threats fell on deaf ears, you were done cowering in fear of him.

Your family was the second richest one on the whole island, so you were also entitled to speak your mind seeing as you weren't a poor little Pogue afraid to speak in front of a Kook.

"That's funny, coming from the guy whose ego is so big he has to belittle his own son to feel better about himself" that struck a nerve.

Ward took a deep breath, exhaling loudly. His fists were pulsing, his veins were enlarged, he was on the verge of exploding.

But he knew better than that, he knew better than to make an enemy of your father. While Ward must think he's got the dangerous associates on the island, your father was by far more versed than him in that department. 

Your family might not have been the richest, but it was for sure the most dangerous one. And Ward knew that.

"How dare you?" 

"How dare I? How dare you look at your son, your own flesh and blood, and belittle him like he's a stranger to you? How can you stand there and insult him, make him feel worthless after how much he does to impress you, to satisfy you? And nothing ever seems enough. How dare you fill his head with lies about our relationship when you and I both know I am the only person who loves him and takes care of him. I am the only one who wants the best for him, not even you as his father? What the fuck is wrong with you?" you felt so good getting everything off of your chest.

Rafe was still speechless, still sitting behind you on the couch.

He was grateful for every word you had said, having conveyed everything he had been feeling but was too afraid to tell his father.

"You are way out of line here, bitch" he spit with venom in his voice.

Your eyes darkened and you stepped even closer to him, being almost face to face with him.

"Call me a bitch again and see what happens. We don't want to repeat what happened at Midsummers, now, do we? Or did you forget what my daddy did?" your voice now being dangerously low, knowing you had struck another nerve.

Ward visibly tensed, having remembered that your father had almost killed him in a fight when he insulted you at Midsummers while being intoxicated.

He cleared his throat and nodded, taking one last look at Rafe before turning around and leaving the house.

"Thank you" Rafe's small voice said as you next back next to him on the couch, unpausing the movie you had been watching.

"Never thank me for that. I want you to feel safe, and I was just telling the truth. You know my father has your back, he loves you and he would do anything for you" you told Rafe, who nodded.

Your father and him have had a very close and special relationship ever since you started dating almost 3 years prior. 

Due to the fact that you were an only child and your father had always wanted a son too, he treated Rafe like he was his own. He knew about his situation with Ward and always made sure he was being taken care of.

You sometimes thought your father liked your boyfriend more than you.

"I know, but still. Thank you for everything, you don't know how much I love you, baby" he leaned his body back on top of you, savoring your warmth and delicate touch.

"I love you too, so much"

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[liquidstar]

i think that on here we've kinda talked a lot about how the traditional "coming out" narrative presented in popculture is flawed in reality. because it always presents this idea that you have to tell everyone who you Really are, that youre Hiding parts of yourself, that you can never be You until you bare your Secrets to the world. and that actually this isnt because people feel entitled to your personal business but that its hurting YOU when they dont know your personal business so you should really just tell them. (but also dont be "too" proud because thats annoying :( act mostly cishet please but dont lie about it! hehe!) it will work out every time for sure :)

but ofc thats not how real life works. i mean, naturally i understand that there are OF COURSE people out there who want to be loud and proud about who they are, and that this is incredibly important to their identity which theyve suppressed for so long. but that "coming out" narrative is harmful because it ignores many of the reasons it had to be suppressed to begin with. its fucking dangerous! its dangerous to a lot of people for a lot of reasons. they can lose their support system, family, job, house, and their entire life. both in the sense that they'll be completely uprooted from it, and in the sense that they could be killed. so constantly presenting the notion of "coming out is good for you no matter what because its the Only way to be your Real Authentic Self and also you HAVE to do it eventually because thats how this narrative is just Meant to go. be a good little queer and please dont stray from this path."

and the problem is that plenty of young LGBT+ people completely internalize it too! ive had so many convos with young people worried about coming out to their conservative family because, well, theyre supposed to! and their minds are completely blown when i tell them that actually they dont have to do that. that theyre under no obligation to tell everyone their business and its okay to just keep being them w/o making an announcement about it. ESPECIALLY IF IT PUTS THEM IN DANGER!!!! and to be clear this issue doesnt stop at age 18 or at moving out or anything like that either, there continue to be many obstacles for many people that make coming out unsafe, or just a bad life decision to uproot everything Right Now. it's okay to just be in the closet and it isn't a moral failing like cishet media wants to convince us. we all agree, right?

good! but here's what my actual real point is:

when we talk about this, for some reason, we seem to only reaaaallly be talking about the gay side of it, right? like im sure lots of people imagined, like, teenage gay boy movies. maybe a couple lesbian and bi characters too perhaps. and that makes sense because thats like the most common narrative for this sort of trope, so ofc those are the first examples we imagine. and ofc theres the more complex addition of "passing" when it comes to trans versions of this story, the idea that you gotta look a certain way to be "valid" adds another layer.

so i think its time more people started to acknowledge this about trans people too, right? i think we can all agree with this on paper already; no trans person is obligated to come out or present a certain way if theyre not in a place where they currently are able to do so. physically, mentally, financially... or just because they dont wanna! whatever the circumstances are, there is no criteria they have to meet to be vindicated in this. it doesnt only apply to 14 year olds living with shitty parents who plan to move out soon and become "Really Trans" (as if they didnt count before conforming to The Narrative), the person could be 40 and never planning to be completely out, and its the same. they dont owe you this "showing the world who you Really are in order to [earn the right to] Be Yourself" crap. thats their choice only.

however, i also think that even if most ppl on here in lgbt circles on here agree with the general sentiment... sometimes it doesnt always get applied it practice. though the whole "truscum" thing kinda died down (thank god) i still think that rampant transmedicalism has left its scars on lots of people and the things they internalize, combined with similar cisheteronormative messages in popular media about how your narrative Should go and how you Should act and look to be respected, and its Morally Wrong not to fit that mold.

so when encountered with people who dont pass, who dont TRY to pass and instead actively choose to look like their agab due to the fact that they are literally in the closet irl (lest we forget people have whole entire complex lives outside of the net) this sort of short circuit happens in ppls heads, where that internalized idea of "but you're supposed to be THIS WAY! youre not doing it RIGHT!" pops back up and they end up labeling that person as fake or Not Trans Enough for this reason.

and i do also think part of this stems from people not having enough sympathy for those whose paths are different, because they were told not to. theres a Right way, and they did it the right way. and likely they struggled for it a lot, so isnt it unfair that people are doing it the Easy Way (as if its easy to be closeted to begin with) and claiming theyre like you? thats Wrong. they have to Earn it. you lgbts should all get mad at EACH OTHER actually! this will help your community be better [in the eyes of cishetero society that doesnt really want you to exist to begin with]

additionally the reason im emphasizing the internet side of this so much is because... well, in this day and age, thats the space lots of people go to to NOT be in the closet. to at least microdose on being "out" while in real life they very much arent. like i said before, being in the closet is rough and taxing, suppressing yourself hurts which is why so many people wanna be loud and out and proud! not everyone can though, so turning to a place with relative anonymity to get that is great, and i think its probably saved a lot of people. but also because of this, its pretty much the only way to get the scenario this is positing to begin with- where you know a stranger can know that youre trans even if youre otherwise closeted completely, just so they can tell you that youre Not. but how many people in the past do you think lived lives where they never let these feelings out at all? how many alive today do you think dont even express them online?

you know that sort trope (often stereotypes in media) of a trans person "crossdressing" only when alone, in order to get a short bit of relief or euphoria that they cant in their closed life? i think that today we have the internet to do that. i think its kind of the same thing. but its also very different, because its not as private. its still secret, because its anonymous, but its also something shared with plenty of strangers at the same time. they dont know you irl, so its safe, distant, and gives you that rush of being yourself, and being referred to correctly by others too. theres community, theres support, and theres friendship too, once you get to know those strangers. its not a "second life" or a "persona" is just a side of yourself you dont show elsewhere, an identity that needs to be let out one way or another.

who the fuck are we to deny others the right to this life-saving connection just because they arent out? because they dont pass or dress the Right way irl? because we decided they arent trying hard enough to "fit in"? because they dont plan to change their lives to fit the right narrative anytime soon?

should they not be allowed into the community then? that would be perfect wouldnt it? leave many who need support out to die, because they did it Wrong. fight within our community over who is doing it Right until we've broken it in half. the righteous ones [according to cishet standards] are surely going to be treated with respect once they get rid of the Bad ones, right?

yeah, i dont think so. thats horseshit. we're stronger together than we are apart, thats why infighting is so useful to those who dont want us to be strong to begin with. its important to help each other, boost each other up, even if some of us arent playing the "right" part irl. are we really just going to sit around and accept the cishet norms as rules to live by? fuck that. not everyones story will reflect it, and you have to accept them anyway if you want a strong community. it doesnt matter how much they might look/act like their agab irl, if theyre telling you otherwise take it at face value, respect them the way you would any other. again, many of us agree with this on paper, but i think we still have to put work into acting on that too.

the end <3

[digenerate-trash]

Yelllow your friendly neighbor hood [RETRACTED] here

Just to take over the anon with the pregnant PC ask (also cuz I saw it and just wanted to do something in life for once.. I swear I feel my skin rotting and feel the bugs crawling)

Anyways Yan bailey finds a positive pregnancy sounds good just make Yan robin find out too mkay? That dumb little shit deserves trauma or at least feel depressed for not being the father and find out that the caretaker is the father

(Damn baby we hate Robin on my blog???? At least yan robin. That's wild. Please read the tags!!!!)

AMAB Bailey | AMAB Robin | AFAB PC

It's been sitting on his desk for a week now. He found it during one of his infamous "visits" with you and his heart nearly stopped.

God must be playing some kind of cruel joke because wasn't he sterile? Wasn't that why he never thought to use protection- why would he? Why would he even think that this was a possibility?

But here was the proof. A little pink plus on a stick. Such a little thing that would ruin his life.

He wasn't sure if he was thinking of you, the test. Or the little "bundle of joy" but whatever he was thinking of his plan was simple. Get rid of it.

Maybe he could salvage you. But the kid couldn't stay. And neither could evidence of him viciously attacking you. Maybe his plan to make you vanish would have to move up a bit. After this whole.... pregnancy thing was dealt with.

He still... cares for you. In a strange way. But he can't have you telling the whole town that the newest orphan is Bailey's.

But when he goes to confront you the padlock key in hand there's Robin outside your door. They're a little disheveled they must have been here all night.

"Move," Bailey commands it startles the little brat and when they look up at Bailey they glare at him.

"No! You're not gonna hurt them!" Robin shouts. It's almost loud enough for the whole hall to hear. Bailey's a bit surprised the little brat has gained so much confidence but that's not what's important.

Bailey reaches out and grabs Robin by the scruff and throws them to the side. Grabbing the padlock and shoving the key in

Robin still tries to tear Bailey away from the door making it harder and harder to focus on what he's supposed to do.

"You're not gonna hurt my baby!"

Now this... gives Bailey some pause. Robin knows. But he's under some strange impression that it's theirs? You and Robin can't even get near each other in the orphanage. You go to school together but that's hardly a safe place to.... unless you were as much of a slut as the whole town condemned you to be...

Bailey shook that thought off before he looked at Robin "What makes you think it's yours?" He asks. Bailey is desperate for more details. You are his after all you shouldn't have even touched the boy but now he wants every sick detail so he can decide what to do with Robin.

"The d-door was unlocked o-once..." Robin stutters out. He knows he's been caught pregnancy doesn't just "happen" and as far as Robin knows the padlock is just to keep you trapped.

"So what? They invited you in?" Bailey snarls. Maybe after this whole pregnancy thing is dealt with he really will make you disappear.

"They... they were asleep. And It was just one time! I didn't mean to. I wanted to- but I lost control a bit and...." Robin tries to explain but tears start to form.

Bailey doesn't know what to say. He left the door unlocked once and this little ungrateful monster decided to fuck you- did you even know?

Bailey decided it was better to ease Robin's mind in the worst way he could think. The brat deserves to be punished for thinking he's entitled to something that's Bailey's.

"The baby isn't yours," Bailey says patting Robin on the shoulder in a deceptively kind gesture robin seems kind of relieved if puzzled

"it's mine," Bailey explains and the orphan goes pale. He looks like he's about to pass out or cry or something in between.

"It's not- you... you haven't-" Robin tries to muddy the water and rationalize why that couldn't be.

"Three times a week for about a year now. Maybe you should check my odds against your one-time violation."

Bailey unlocks the padlock leaving Robinn outside your room to come to terms with this new info. Telling Robin probablyy wasn't smart. But it's not like anyone in this town will believe him.

Besides. You have a doctor's appointment to get to.

[daddy-suguru]

𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐫 ▸ 𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐮

𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠/𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 ▸ nsfw, mxwxm, degradation, light spanking, hair pulling, overstimulation, blow jobs, reader ‘hated’ them, begging

Suguru doesn’t stop instead he picks his pace up as Satoru pushes the door open. With a large grin hinting he is aware Suguru is rearranging your guts.

Satoru can’t pass up this chance to taunt you, “I thought you hated us. Thought we’re were stuck up rich boys that couldn’t handle a real women like yourself.”

Your eyes are filled with tears and cry, “Fuck you both. Entitled asshole who think they can have whatever they want.” While your lower back arched. Your feet not touching the ground as Suguru keeps his large, calloused hand splayed out against your belly.

“We have you don’t we here in our penthouse already taking his cock. And I know you want mine in your mouth. I heard you talking to your friend the other day that you hate us so much because of how badly you want to fuck us. Do we frustrate you that badly? All you had to do is slut yourself out to us.” Satoru unzips his pants pushing it down, alongside his underwear so he can pretty one of the prettiest cocks you’ve seen. With the other being Suguru’s thick one with a curve that is currently hitting all of the right spots in your pussy too well.

The loud sound of his hips smacking your bruised hips mix with your sharp cries as you beg, “Please cum, please cum, cum.” The way he is hitting the back of your pussy has your holding your hand back, as you try and push his stomach. Only for him to grab you wrist.

Suguru smirks as he yanks your head back, making you let out a strangled whine. Before he lets go of your hair enough that your mouth lines up with Satoru’s cock. Suguru mocks you, “I thought you could handle my cock? Don’t tell me you are tapping out already.” He wouldn’t mind if you did, you had already put up with so much and he knows it’s just a matter of time till you want seconds.

You whimper, “No I can be a good girl and take it. Besides Satoru just got here.” Satoru eyes widen a little since he was expecting more of a bite so he says,

“Did Suguru already fuck the attitude out of you?” You stick your tongue out as Satoru slowly slips his cock past your lips and he lets out a breathy whine of “O’ fucck.” He quickly thrusts himself deep into your throat and pauses to feel you gagging around him.

Suguru lets go of your hair as Satoru grabs where Suguru was just holding. While Suguru slaps your ass and says, “We are going to train her to be the perfect whore and every time she steps out of line we can simple just fuck it out of her. Keep her a good little slut for us, since even though you hate us we love your smart little mouth and this tight little pussy.”

▸ m.list

[sweetheriahx]

My Prey

I wanna kidnap you when you’re walking home all alone. Tie you up with rope and throw you in the back of my car.

You’ll wake up many many hours later, tied to my bed and feeling all weird and sore in between your legs. Slowly you’ll understand, when I walk back in with my cock fully erect for you, that the warmth between your legs is the first of many, many loads I’m gonna force into your sweet little cunnie.

I’ll slap your face with my thick cock and tell you ‘feeding time’ as I force my cock into your mouth. I’ll hold your hair and you’ll cry around my cock as it violates your throat. I moan as I feel your tongue and throat is so warm and wet for me and I tell you that I’m sorry that I had to abduct you but you just looked so sexy. So slutty. Your little body was too tempting not to pick up and abduct.

I’ll keep forcing my cock into your throat and your tears will mix with your mascara, making you an absolute mess. I’ll slap your face with my hand while you suck my dick and then I’ll pull out of your mouth and rub that spit and drool all over your face. I’ll make sure you look like a fucking mess and I’ll lean in and say ‘that’s what a good dirty fucktoy looks like…’

I take off your clothes as you struggle, uselessly, against me & keep trying to push me off. So I slap you really hard on the side of your head and tell you to stop resisting or I’ll get really angry this time. There’s a bark to my voice that makes your little cunt start to leak and I notice it, mocking you for being such a filthy slut who loves pain. I slap you hard again and tell you that I’m sorry but you’ll never know freedom again, you’re now my cocksocket forever. Once I strip you down completely, I push your legs back and slap my cock on your cunt, it’s gushing wet from all the abuse but you whimper ‘no, please don’t… please stop I beg of you please…’ but I don’t listen. I slap my cock on your entrance once more and thrust into you and your dumb mouth betrays you, as you moan loud when I slam into you all the way. I choke you until you can barely breathe as I keep ramming into your dumb cunt, whispering about how you had to be such a tease, had to get me all worked up and want to put you in your place and abuse and use you.

So that’s exactly what I’m doing now, I’m using your holes and abusing you and you’re moaning for it. Look at you, enjoying being helpless. I could untie your restraints and you wouldn’t even dare to resist or run would you? Because you have always wanted this. You’ve always wanted to be kidnapped and taken by an older man. Here I am, you little slut. The man of your dirty wet dreams, forcefully fucking you. Feeling your cunt clench and unclench on my thick cock I know you’re gonna cum soon.

So cum, cum all over this thick cock. Lose your mind and your fake sense of entitlement. You are now nothing but a toy. Someone to take load after hot load of cum and live with me forever. You’ll never know freedom again, you’ll never want to hang with your family or friends again. I’ll let you go from here and you might attend school and graduate, but every day, you will come back to me. To cum for me. To cum on my cock like my good little cocksocket. Like a dumb little cock starved fuckpet. That’s because you know where you belong. You belong in service to a man who knows how to use and abuse you.

You’re just a set of holes to be filled, and nothing else. Another good girl broken by my cock. Another good girl, lost to her fantasies of an older man. Another good girl, used and ripped apart. Another good girl, cumming on her abuser’s thick cock as he pushes his load deep into your cunt, flooding you with his swimmers.

- ⭐️⭐️

i love how you write off of my fantasies and posts, i am very happy that an older man such as yourself took the time out to watch me, learn my patterns and eventually take me back to your secluded home. i feel very fortunate that i am the one you chose to be yours, now on forth i will please you everyday because i am nothing but holes and tits for you to fuck.

xo heriah 🎀

[sweetheriah]

I wanna kidnap you when you’re walking home all alone. Tie you up with rope and throw you in the back of my car.

You’ll wake up many many hours later, tied to my bed and feeling all weird and sore in between your legs. Slowly you’ll understand, when I walk back in with my cock fully erect for you, that the warmth between your legs is the first of many, many loads I’m gonna force into your sweet little cunnie.

I’ll slap your face with my thick cock and tell you ‘feeding time’ as I force my cock into your mouth. I’ll hold your hair and you’ll cry around my cock as it violates your throat. I moan as I feel your tongue and throat is so warm and wet for me and I tell you that I’m sorry that I had to abduct you but you just looked so sexy. So slutty. Your little body was too tempting not to pick up and abduct.

I’ll keep forcing my cock into your throat and your tears will mix with your mascara, making you an absolute mess. I’ll slap your face with my hand while you suck my dick and then I’ll pull out of your mouth and rub that spit and drool all over your face. I’ll make sure you look like a fucking mess and I’ll lean in and say ‘that’s what a good dirty fucktoy looks like…’

I take off your clothes as you struggle, uselessly, against me & keep trying to push me off. So I slap you really hard on the side of your head and tell you to stop resisting or I’ll get really angry this time. There’s a bark to my voice that makes your little cunt start to leak and I notice it, mocking you for being such a filthy slut who loves pain. I slap you hard again and tell you that I’m sorry but you’ll never know freedom again, you’re now my cocksocket forever. Once I strip you down completely, I push your legs back and slap my cock on your cunt, it’s gushing wet from all the abuse but you whimper ‘no, please don’t… please stop I beg of you please…’ but I don’t listen. I slap my cock on your entrance once more and thrust into you and your dumb mouth betrays you, as you moan loud when I slam into you all the way. I choke you until you can barely breathe as I keep ramming into your dumb cunt, whispering about how you had to be such a tease, had to get me all worked up and want to put you in your place and abuse and use you.

So that’s exactly what I’m doing now, I’m using your holes and abusing you and you’re moaning for it. Look at you, enjoying being helpless. I could untie your restraints and you wouldn’t even dare to resist or run would you? Because you have always wanted this. You’ve always wanted to be kidnapped and taken by an older man. Here I am, you little slut. The man of your dirty wet dreams, forcefully fucking you. Feeling your cunt clench and unclench on my thick cock I know you’re gonna cum soon.

So cum, cum all over this thick cock. Lose your mind and your fake sense of entitlement. You are now nothing but a toy. Someone to take load after hot load of cum and live with me forever. You’ll never know freedom again, you’ll never want to hang with your family or friends again. I’ll let you go from here and you might attend school and graduate, but every day, you will come back to me. To cum for me. To cum on my cock like my good little cocksocket. Like a dumb little cock starved fuckpet. That’s because you know where you belong. You belong in service to a man who knows how to use and abuse you.

You’re just a set of holes to be filled, and nothing else. Another good girl broken by my cock. Another good girl, lost to her fantasies of an older man. Another good girl, used and ripped apart. Another good girl, cumming on her abuser’s thick cock as he pushes his load deep into your cunt, flooding you with his swimmers.

- ⭐️⭐️

🫠 i am beyond deaded! this is wonderful, ugh you're such an amazing writer. and no, i didn't mean to dress like a slut i was just trying out a new trend my friends were doing. they said the results of participating would be tremendous. i didn't mean to attract your attention, sir. it was purely by mistake. but now that i'm here i don't think there is anything left in the world for me to go back to. being an older man's personal fuck toy is the freedom i have long been searching for.

xo heriah 🎀

[stupid-sloot-headcanons]

Like imagine Odin arranging for Heimdall to have a bride, with Odin telling him that in addition to continuing another Aesir bloodline that he genuinely thinks Darling's a good choice for Heimdall. The All-Father's approval is all Heimdall really needs to accept it, even if he doesn't think ANYONE would be good enough for him.

So he's constantly being an asshole, testing Darling to see what Odin possibly sees in them. Even hurting them when he's annoyed. But eventually Odin advises him to knock that shit off a bit: "This is your betrothed and the future mother of your children, you know. Even after all that happened between me and Freya, I have love for her. You've got to learn to cherish something besides me, even if I appreciate the endless loyalty. Really, I do."

And so Heimdall tries to curb his venom. It's hard. It's infuriating. He still doesn't get why Darling is the one Odin wants him to have. But he doesn't want to disappoint the All-Father, so he decides to be better.

In his mind though, "cherish" in this instance means "keep to yourself at all costs." Darling may hate him, but he's not going to ruin what Odin has planned. So they're going to stay in his quarters and never even think of trying to escape unless they want to lose even more freedom.

His possessiveness comes at first from Odin's wish: Heimdall is meant to have Darling, and so he's going to keep them at all costs. But over time he gets less and less annoyed by them. What used to piss him off and make him want to throw them off the wall now amuses him. And their attempts to fight or run away have always been cute, in a futile pathetic kind of way. Why would they even want to run? They've been chosen by Odin himself to be HIS. The only being greater than him is the All-Father, and they're complaining about being his bride?

Having them around isn't all bad, though. After a while he starts to like it, having someone that's his and how everyone knows they belong to him.

He goes from resenting them to treating them almost like a pet or toy, and his ego won't let him give others a reason to call him a bad husband/lover. Selfish or cruel, yes. But all it takes is a few sly remarks from Thor about how despite being such a "shambling drunken oaf," he knows how to treat his wife in and out of bed--the multiple broken headboards are proof enough of that. Odin gave Heimdall such an easy job, too. How lackluster of a man do you have to be, with a wife that good looking and patient enough to deal with his golden-chapped ass, to not know how to properly take care of her? Heimdall can call Thor and Sif brutes and idiots and failures all he wants, but Odin gave him a job when he gave him a wife. Thor's kids are failures in Heimdall's eyes, but at least Thor popped a few out when the All-father said he should (and Thor never bad to be told how to cherish his wife the way Odin had to for Heimdall 👀)

This specific insult to manhood drives Heimdall up the wall, even when he knows it shouldn't matter coming from Thor of all people. Still...a fat drunken has-been is right twice a day. Even if HE can't see his wife as a treasure quite yet, Odin does. And if Odin values her enough to gift her to Heimdall, his most faithful servant, then he's going to keep her and find out what makes her so important. Well, besides being HIS, of course.

And once he actually develops some semblance of genuine attraction, it combines with his desire to please Odin, his spite for Thor, and his entitlement into something truly fucked up and obsessive. She can't ever leave because they're meant to be together, to have children as Odin said. And Heimdall's such a catch, isn't he? He managed to turn those pleas to stop and pathetic attempts to fight him off into moans and mewls that kept half the lodge up at night. He knows everything about her, inside and out, body and mind and soul. He's not someone you can escape from. After all, he's your destiny and you're his.

[welldonebeca]

screamer (1)

Summary: Sansa finds a little thing about Jon. (Just some mindless Dom!Sansa x Sub!Jon porn.) WC: 1.6k words Warnings: Tension. Fluff. Communication.

masterlist

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Sansa raised her eyes as Jon got another notification from his phone, frowning a little.

What had happened that it was just going off today? He always complained they barely used their group chat!

They had gotten together long after Jon had returned from his time up the far north. He had made a lot of friends there, and even had a girlfriend, but they had broken up by the time he was to go back home, but were still good friends.

Sansa had met all of them a couple of times, and they were nice, but they were all kind of rowdy... nothing like her sweet Jon.

They jokingly called themselves savages, like the old folk that lived beyond the wall when there were Queens and King's around.

"Jon," she stood up, walking to the bathroom and knocking on the door with the back of her hand. "I think someone died, your phone won't stop."

He chuckled from inside.

"It's alright," he assured her from under the shower. "If someone had died they would be calling both of us."

She scoffed.

"But you can check," Jon suggested.

"No, no," she said quickly. "It's alright."

Sansa would never be one of those jealous girlfriends, going over their boyfriends' texts out of jealousy or some sense of entitlement.

She trusted him very much.

But his phone kept buzzing and buzzing, so much so that it had moved from its spot and almost fell from the little table by their couch.

So she picked it up and opened it, just to give it a little glance. Just a little check.

And it was from the group chat, yes. And from Ygritte.

"Well, I can teach her a bit about putting you in your place, Tormund. I'm sure she'll love a way of shutting you up."

She frowned a little, going back through the messages.

Oh. Tormund was trying to find a way to get with Brienne - her friend that was around the last time they were.

They were all giving him advice, most of it useless. Most of it also telling him not to be himself.

He was a little... uh...

Not bad. Tormund was perfectly alright.

But he was going in far too strongly.

She shook her head at Tormund's answer, an emoji of an eye roll, but Pyp spoke next.

"Gonna teach her how to tie him down and shut him up?"

That made her eyes widen?

What now?

"It's my speciality," she texted back. "Jon knows can tell you all about it, hm?"

Her face got hot with a bit of anger. How could she speak of him like that! He wasn't her boyfriend anymore!

But Jon wasn't the type to ever care. He would just shrug and be all 'Ygritte is like that'.

It had happened in front of her once. But they stopped when they realised it made her uncomfortable.

But not in the chat, no.

When Jon - Sansa - didn't answer, the texts kept coming.

"Oh, someone's bragging"

from Edd.

"Did she shut you up a lot, Snow?"

from Pyp.

"I bet she did!!!"

from Grenn.

Sansa's face burned even more.

"She always knew how,"

Satin added.

"Gods, I'm glad I didn't share a place with those two,"

from Tormund.

"You should. I reckon he is a screamer,"

Sam added.

Her eyes widened.

Sam?!

Sweet Sam was joining in that?!

And... a screamer?

Well, Jon was vocal when they fucked, but he wasn't a screamer with her!

What did-

But she jumped in shock when she felt Jon's hand brushing her back.

"So, did anyone die?" he asked.

Sansa would have dropped his phone if she wasn't quick enough to grab it with her other hand.

"No," she gasped, turning around.

But Jon didn't look any upset when she looked at his face, just confused.

"Just..." she cleared her throat. "Your friends. Being themselves."

His eyes travelled over her face, and she looked away, feeling so hot she knew her neck and ears were as red as her face.

"Please tell me Tormund didn't send his dick pics for a second opinion in the chat again," he sighed.

Sansa gave him his phone back, not wanting to answer, and walked away before he could even read it.

"I'll go shower now," she decided.

Yes, shower. Good idea.

She walked into the bathroom quickly and undressed, ready to hop into the shower so he wouldn't follow her for at least a bit of time, but Jon knocked on the door before her bra was even off.

"Sansa?" he called.

She froze, wide-eyed.

"Can we talk about what you saw?" Jon asked, sounding gentle. "Please?"

Sansa wanted to groan and hide like she did as a little girl, but she didn't. Instead, she walked to the door and opened it, looking at his face.

"Did it make you uncomfortable?" he asked. "What they said?"

She squirmed a little, kicking her feet.

"No," she mumbled.

"Because I'd understand if you were," Jon added. "They are... annoying, to say the least."

Yeah, she knew that. But his friends respected her when she was around.

It was just...

"Were you?" she asked him. "A screamer?"

What did Ygritte even do to make her scream?

His grey eyes widened when they met hers.

"I... hm..." he stopped, looking for words. "Kinda?"

Sansa looked away from him, shifting her jaw as she did. Oh.

Good for him.

"Are you-"

"How?" she asked before he could. "What did she do?"

Jon's face went all red.

"Sansa..." he exhaled.

What, didn't he want to tell her? Didn't he want to share?

"I want to know," she insisted. "Because everyone else does, except for me."

He raised a hand to his face, rubbing it slowly, exhaling.

"Can we talk about that with our clothes on?" he requested instead. "Because I'm naked, and you are in your underwear, and we are supposed to talk, but my brain won't understand that."

That made her freeze.

Oh?

"Okay," Sansa agreed. "I can do that. We can do that."

They were dressed when she sat on the couch, right by Jon's side, and he looked a bit too nervous.

It wasn't that Sansa didn't know about his relationship with Ygritte, Jon was always honest with her about it. Tormund had introduced the two of them to one another, and they were quite the strange match in the beginning, but liked each other very much. The only reason why they had broken up was because of incompatibility on their plans for the future. Jon wanted to come back to Winterfell, get married, and have children... Ygritte wanted none of that.

That was why they such good friends. There was no big fight, no strong conflict of betrayal... just two adults with different plans.

And maybe that was why she was so insecure when it came to her, Ygritte.

And now it turned out she was so good at sex she made Jon scream?!

Sansa was still learning sex stuff, Jon was the only boyfriend she had ever had who didn't expect her to just get him off.

"Well?" she asked. "What did she mean?"

Jon's face looked all red again.

"It's... not..." he stumbled with his words. "I don't think it's even your thing. She was... Ygritte was just experienced. And she liked different stuff."

Sansa stared at him with her jaw slack for a moment.

"Well, thank you," she practically spat out.

He shook his head.

"I don't mean it in a bad way," he insisted. "I love seeing you growing into your interests, Sansa, we both know that."

She scoffed, looking away from him, and he took her hand, squeezing it.

"Ygritte liked different things," he told her. "She was... well, she still is, a professional dominatrix. It's her thing, and she loves that."

She was...

What?

"A professional dominatrix?" she repeated. "For a living?"

He shrugged.

"It was a hobby when we were together, she kinda of quit her job recently to do that full time," he told her. "It helps her travel around, keep the nomad lifestyle she likes."

She blinked, shocked.

Oh.

So that was how she was always in a different town.

"And was she your dominatrix?" she asked.

Jon looked away, licking his lips, and she just knew his mind was full of thoughts.

"Yeah," he told her. "I mean, we would... switch places. Not that she liked being dominated much, but we did that."

Sansa processed it slowly.

Oh.

Well, she was very subby, very soft.

"Do you miss that?" she asked, worried now. "Being domminated?"

Was she denying him that?

Jon didn't answer right away, and it made her anxiety grow by the minute.

"I thought I would miss it," he told her. "But I did realise I'm much of a dom than a sub."

Sansa watched him.

"That's not a clear answer," she told him.

He took her hand, tangling their fingers together.

"Sansa, I've been in love with you since the day we met," he reminded her, a soft smile on his face. "I've never been as happy as I am with you."

Once again, not a clear answer.

"We tell everything to each other," she reminded him.

And they did. Their communication was very open.

"Exactly," he affirmed, kissing her knuckles.

Sansa moved, a bit uncomfortable.

"Okay?" he asked gently.

She nodded, still.

"Okay," Sansa exhaled. "But... what if I want to try it?"

He looked at her face, not showing much emotion for a moment, and smiled a bit.

"Well..." he spoke slowly. "You know I always admire your curiosity. But I don't expect anything of you, I promise."

…

“screamer” was posted on Patreon on April. To read it now before anyone else, subscribe to my page! It’s just $2 a month and it helps a lot.

[pol-ack]

The Queen is Dead: A Morrissey X Reader Adventure

hugely inspired by @jemblespee, was given the go ahead to write the second chapter for this legendary work. 10/10 weeped before will again

beautiful first chapter can be found here:

Steven blinked, the sudden light from the sun of Birmingham beaming onto his weary face. Tears welled as his dainty pale arms created friction against the rubble beneath him, the loss of you, and your scent, by his side.

"How could it have come to this?" He weeped, shaky hands pulling up to cut through the air and to rest onto his face. He barely could pull himself up.

Yet, it was the depravity in the form of his longing for you that forced him to get up. He had to, if he wanted to win you back from the clutches of his ex lover, Robert Smith.

However, on the other side of England, you could care less. Having huddled in together with good ole Rob, the two of you basked in eachother's presence without the.. burden, that used to be your ex. In fact, you had been having such a wonderful time, you had forgotten how Johnny Marr was supposed to come visit soon.

Now while the history between him and Morrissey had been bitter, the prior intense lovers breaking up due to continuous toxicity in a relationship on Steven's end, you had insisted on Johnny staying a constant within your life, finding him a lively person to be around. It had caused several arguments between you and Steven, however you had the upper hand as the Alpha in the relationship.

And as he walked through the door, spotting you and Robert, three of you making intense eye contact with one another, Robbie shot you a knowing glance, the two of you in sync towards your affection towards Johnny. You looked back at Robbie, almost double checking. Yet he gave you a nod, leading the words of invitation to spill like molasses from your lips.

Morrissey was restless. He couldn't stand this feeling, this sinking feeling. He couldn't mansplain manipulate malewife out of this. He needed to find you. He clamoured through cities, running and speaking to each person, even those he detested, all to find you again. He thought that if he just returned, he could make it right.

So he gripped his bouquet of much too long flowers, and slicked back his hair into his classic hairstyle. His "Steven" hair, as he called it. He ignored how you pointed out the idiocy in this name, he ignored it so he could just see you in all the best ways. Best ways, of course, being an asset to him. As per usual.

Nevertheless, the charming vegan graciously ended up at your door in the end, banging furiously.

"Y/N!" He screamed, wailing almost. Yet with it being Morrissey, he held his entitled accent when he had. "Let me in, please! We can just talk this out, I promise you! Then we could merely forget this all, and bask in the-"

"What the fuck?!"

He screamed at the sight in front of him. Johnny Marr, Robert Smith, his old flames. Too close for comfort to You. He couldn't believe it. He crode. He scrumt. He stomped his feet. Yes, he was having a kiddie tantrum.

Yet, it only made it worse when all three of you stood up. And charged.

WHAM! (like the band)

They all crashed into him. Morrissey bleated pathetically like the Omega he is at every blow, each punch hitting him worse.

WHAM!

Another punch across the face. He raised his hands up, begging for the hits to stop.

WHAM?!

Multiple kicks to the groin. Steven wept, trying to put up a fight, yet against the power throuple made of (y/n), Robert, and Johnny, he was no match.

"Wham" - jemblespee, I Know It's Over: A Morrissey X Reader Adventure (2023)

The pathetic man flew to America, crashing into the stage of Radiohead's concert, concerning all male manipulators and racists globally of his potential death.

Meanwhile the throuple rejoiced, basking in smoocherinos and several speakers blearing the song "Pink Triangle" in victory. It tasted sweet, and you knew only good could come from this.

The End.

[havenmoo]

Kinda sorta sad that Tumblr is dead as a door nail. Oh, well. I suppose the upside is that there probably won't anyone around to bother you.

Hm, what else. I've been thinking a lot about how you shouldn't make one single person the main focus of your life (the exception being you have a baby or small child to tend to). It can lead to you idolizing that person, and they'll take over your life. You'll disappear. There will be no you anymore. You'll be a husk and a puppet.

It's good to seal your lips around certain people, too. You can't tell just anyone anything. Why should we? What makes some people think they're entitled to personal information? If we don't have a meaningful bond, you just sound nosey. I do nothing on the surface. I don't like shallow relationships. On the other hand, who says everyone wants to know things about you? You can't just make that assumption. Life would be easier on all of us if people learned to be more selective.

I don't enjoy being curt with anyone, but somtimes, the occasion calls for it. Some people refuse to take a hint and love forcing their company. Like, back the fuck off, please and thank you. I tend to attract people who become obessive and possessive of me. This isn't flattering. I want people to be themselves and have their own life. Only I can be me. Don't emulate others. You can't do it. Also, being possessive is bad for both of us. It prevents both of us from really living. So, stop it.

One last thing. I'm very, extremely tired of victim/grievence/coddle culture. It's making people ill. It's enslaving people because they're overanalying their every movment and every little thing they say so they don't get labeled as an evil monster. Many people are so quick to demonize others and see evil where it isn't it. Ugh...this sometimes makes me want to stay indoors every day, but then again, I'm no coward and I know who I am. I'm free to do what I like. I don't go out of my way to bother anyone, however I won't walk on eggshells for anyone either. Grow up and stop seeing offense everywhere.

Anyway, learn to love life. We're only here for a short time. May as well wring as much joy out of it while you can.

[edalynn]

huntlow shippers will see you talk about how you dont like huntlow and spam you with hundreds of messages explaining the same few screenshots of them standing next to each other and how you're spoiling everyones fun by "hating something cute for no reason." so you look at the "evidence" and point out why it's faulty and also explain why you personally don't think the ship is cute and how ppl mischaracterize both of them (especially willow and we know why).

and also you decide maybe youre being too harsh on what are probably middle schoolers so you try to look at the ship in good faith and point out the problems with a potential huntlow dynamic and how the ship can be explored to give them both character development. but then the same shippers spam you again accusing you of "ruining the fun" because you can't even portray a relationship that isn't 100% saccharine and conflict free nowadays apparently.

so you eventually explain why you don't see enough canon material to get attached to the ship and how ppl who like the ship really mischaracterize hunter and willow, using some really sexist/racist tropes sometimes. and it's because of the toxic fans that you don't like the ships now and especially their portrayal in fandom.

and then the same shippers spam you with the same 8 screenshots of them standing next to each other and basically proselytize about how "its definitely gonna be canon stop complaining." and they tell you youre entitled to your preferences but also they will not stop repeating their points until you agree with them that yes it will be canon and yes you actually like the ship now haha please go away!

because if you dislike a thing they personally like then obviously YOU are the stupid idiot who doesn't understand WHY the thing is good and THEY definitely don't need to reflect on if the reasons they like the thing is short-sighted or even harmful. or if its just a difference of preference for what at the end of the day is a ship between two teenagers that are not real. and if you're not getting it then it's their duty to make you see reason. obviously.

oh and then you look at their blog to see wtf kind of person is spamming you and theyre always. like. twenty five years old

I just went through such a specific, extremely vivid scenario, I feel like I need to lay on the floor for a while and rethink my life lmao. Because you are 10000% fucking right. Every argument, every conversation, every ask pans out exactly like this, almost word for word give or take a few points. It' so telling how they all have the same responses and same patterns. Like, there's nothing I can even add to this ask, that's just exactly how it fucking goes and its embarrassing. I want to say at least be original at this point, but they clearly don't care enough to given they don't give half of a thought to our reasons why we dislike it. H/L shippers all share one braincell that they pass around based on who's sending the angry anons which day, but the braincell is the size of a pea anyway so it doesn't even matter. Critial thinking skills: -2000. This ask is just too perfect, I can't even touch it anymore to give my opinion because you already said everything lmao

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP meme from July 11-15 2022 Reddit posts

“Do you want Protestants? Because that’s how you get Protestants.” “Does anyone have an orphanage we can borrow?” “Man, medieval religion was metal.” “Our family has a long tradition of getting extra-judicially executed, and deserving it” “Time to make 28 gallons of hollandaise.” “So this is how people get into asmr? I get it now.” ““Done is better than perfect” “I don’t know why but this makes me queasy.” “Spread your legs and use your balls as an anchor.” “If you look closely the baby is holding the beer.” “The applications for this data are endless. Okay maybe not endless. In fact I’m struggling to think of more than a handful.” “My kid's first birthday was a great time. We had a party. He was allowed to attend.” “ Waterboard the fucking baby why don’t you” “ Look at this Rockefeller over here with a fridge just for meatballs.” “ How do you know what his ass tastes like?” “ 4 dino nuggies just ain't enough.” “ I made an entire tri-fold display board for my petsitter.” “Cut back on the avocado toast.” “Now imagine a person dies, but 50% of their gut fauna is left behind, flopping onto the ground.“ “ I used to have to fight sea lions at work.” “ Would you put your kid on a fucking grizzly bear?” “ Used to wonder if I’d ever had a full on conversation with a butt-plug in public person.” “I mean I already wanted to shag her and it was hard enough without thinking about her butthole.” “Dude, you don't have to show off your enormous snake.” “ Hairy little asshole” “Why would you try to fight someone with like a foot and 150+ pounds on you? That’s just asking for pain.” “It's hard to feel shame when you don't really feel any general emotions besides rage.” “There are 2 languages known throughout the universe. Dance and mathematics.” “ I love cows, since I was a child they always seemed so gentle.” “What a beautiful sweet baby.” “Some good steak right there.” “Don’t eat meat, please.” “ Did you think it was original? Funny? Are you trying to stand out in the crowd, or just be an asshole? Why are you like this?” “Cows creep me out for some reason.” “Awww she’s ugly!” “The entire point of it is selfish attention.” “ As a horrible person this is super funny and I may do this one day.” “It’s like watching a horror movie where everyone is doing the opposite of what an actual person would do in that same situation.” “Tell your new ex-girlfriend to call me.” “ I'm ready for another existential crisis. Bring it on!” “Her butt was in the way.” “ Incredible comedic timing from the cat.” “Entitled assholes don't care about lines.” “Essential oil will grow those fingers back.” "One less person to pollute the world" “Effective protest causes as much and as widespread disruption as possible, so that they cannot be ignored by those in power.” “Cement is not good on bare skin. It can cause severe burns and permanent scarring, sometimes requiring skin grafts.” “Learning hanky code was a lot more time consuming than being able to openly talk about your sexuality.” “ This is incredibly unsatisfactory!” “Stop trying to be the center of attention” “Drunk by nature?” “ Sure, you can drive an expensive sports car at 100mph, while kissing a gorgeous woman. But neither will get the attention it deserves.” “Just because you can multitask doesn't mean you're doing any of those tasks well.” “You aren't even THAT ugly!” “You know what you have the perfect boobs for? Surgery.” "I'm asking how I look in this dress to get comfort, so please give me a compliment." “Some uniqueness in a person is good, but you have too much.” "Yeah, you look like you used to work out a lot" "You never fail to disappoint" “Aren’t you gonna break the trampoline with your weight” “Been a long time, hey you've gained some weight!” "You did it! Great job! Never in my whole life did I think you'd actually succeed!" “Are you pregnant?” “Goatees are extremely hard to pull off. You either look like Frank Zappa or you look like a one star meth chef at a trailer park. It's the kind of thing that forces you to overdress to compensate.“ “Imagine distilling your own existence down to basic reproduction like a brainless amoeba.” “You need to rationalize the bitter loneliness you feel when it's clear you wasted your life.” “You know what kind of creature only wants to reproduce? A fucking virus.” “Even today, more than any other factor, a war is won and lost on logistics.” “The drop tanks were swapped for ice cream.” “Amateurs talk tactics, professionals talk logistics” “Logistics can’t win you a war, but it can lose one” “You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.”

[skadi-gemini]

Cope harder about males in skirts not being welcome to invade women's sports. They're not entitled to a sports career just because they say so and stomp their man feet while claiming transphobia. Girl, get a damn grip. How about you transition into someone with a single solitary iota of fucking brain activity.

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. Wh

[deeisace]

Okay, 1. I forgot what a good film School of Rock is, and 2. Who the fuck made Wednesdays a day I have to get up at 5am, oh god

Also the ASM is gonna be a dick about me taking today off cs I'm sick, I just fuckin know it

Every time someone's been off sick he goes on rants about how they're lying to get a day off (or smth like, oh, isn't it a coincidence that today's really busy in store and the student who has mental deadlines took a day off - like, fuck, idk, maybe, but you don't have to be a twat every second of your life, do you? Maybe he does, idk. Seems like it), and his mother never took a day off from the post office in 40 years and the store should come first and we've been left in the lurch and blah blah blah

Maybe we have been "left in the lurch", but it's one day out of literally a thousand, but y'know we aren't all your mother, and people are fucking entitled to call in sick?! People shouldn't have to work when they're sick! Idk laws, but there's definitely laws

For how much longer, idk, but there's definitely laws

Also, people are allowed to have an actual life, y'know - just cs you are somehow proud of working 50 hours a week - which you also shouldn't have to do, by the way, working yourself to death isn't something to be proud of - dun mean that everyone else has to go by your impossible fuckin "million pound store" standards

Also I hate his stupid slogans

I do not care how much money the store makes, it goes to whoever the fucking CEO is since the last guy got kicked out for embezzling, not me - I'm not going to "smash it", either, I'm going to stand here security bugging t-shirts until I am allowed to go home, and don't fucking get on at me about how I'm yawning too much, I get enough of that from the horrid fucking old men customers

Also he calls us "staff" all the time, there's like five of us (there's not, but still), there's no fucking need

Also whenever some customer says like, oh you're not Scouse, he always replies in the exact same way, "I'm a London boy, me" - which like, I'm autistic, I know a script, but fuck me I just hate everything about this petty little man, I'm sorry. How can you be that proud of being a Millwall supporter? Oh, "we're not all the same", nah, you mightn't be a violent thug, that I know of, but you're sure as fuck a sanctimonious little cunt tryna lord your horrid self over everyone else - mightn't be violence, but it's not fuckin nice either

Anyway. Fuck.

Oh thank fuck I don't have to open with him tomorrow

Just the wet-noodle muppet of a manager who's somehow really fucking good at making me do extra days and stay late

He knows I have no backbone in person so he just waits until it's an hour before my shift ends and goes "really sorry, it's really busy, can you stay til close? Please it would really help"

The one time I said no, literally the one time in over 4 years, he asked again like half an hour later with an extra-pathetic noodle-y pleeease we haven't got anyone else

Like that's your fucking fault, dipshit, you fucking hired everyone. Hire someone who's not a fucking student, please, I swear it won't kill you. Y'know what else won't fucking kill you, having enough people on staff that it's not the end of the fucking world somehow if someone calls in sick. Lean staffing or whatever it's called is the worst, what fuckwit came up with all this awful shit and how can we stop it, please

But of course I said yes, because I always say yes

Tomorrow I'm rota'd til 4 and I'm leaving at 4, I swear to god