#( anyway this isn't my best answer but also this has been sitting in my drafts for too long LOL )

[techniiciian]

@stillsolo sent an ask:

technical machine character development meme.

fissure. does your muse have any relationships that they’d like to fix?

at this point in time, and in this specific verse, i'd have to say no. matt's content in the relationships he has with his family, his subordinates, and his friends.

wait . . . well, i suppose on a political level there are some he'd want to smooth out ( i'm leaving this vague ). this will however be a fun topic to further explore as i delve deeper into this particular verse.

[cherrysnip]

just that — chwe hansol

pairing: vernon x afab!reader

prompt: "are you guys dating?" or that one time you strongly denied your relationship and he got sulky(?)

a/n: another fic for my fave secret dating x brother's bestfriend trope >.<. this was initially posted on another site before i decided to take it down and let it sit on my drafts for a year lol.

It was already two in the morning but you were still wide awake. With all the things you have done the whole day, it was expected that everyone, including you, would doze off as soon as you get on your beds. Unfortunately, you didn't.

The guilt that has been consuming you since earlier is what's actually making it hard for you to sleep. You had been rolling on the bed too many times as if that would help ease the regret you had been feeling (spoiler alert: it didn't).

When you arrived at your vacation house this morning, you and Vernon had tried to be as discreet with your relationship as possible. You going on a trip together wasn't a new sight, anyway. Vernon and your older brother, Wonwoo had been friends since freshmen year of college so the former is usually invited in times like this and so you both thought you could just let this three days pass without anyone knowing what you really have. However, it seemed like Wonwoo already had a hint about it and had been watching you the entire time. And alas! While you were having dinner, the million-dollar question was finally dropped.

"Are you guys dating?"

Vernon was about to answer but you suddenly panicked and was the one who replied instead, "Of course not. He is just like an older brother to me!"

As soon as you said it, you already wanted to take it back. But it was too late. Vernon may not have said a word but the disappointed look on his face spoke volumes. After that, you avoided each other for the rest of the night.

To be honest, this had been a subject of your arguments a couple of times before. Vernon wanted to tell your friends and families that you have been together for four months already but you're against it. It isn't because you were embarassed about your relationship or afraid that your family would say something negative (if anything, they're very very supportive). It's just that you wanted to enjoy the privacy you had without others minding your business, especially your brother Wonwoo who had been protective of you since your fallout with Joshua, even though it had been years and you have already moved on. He's also the reason why your past suitors had immediately scrammed away after going through the interrogation stage.

"Stop scaring them, will you?" You remembered complaining one time but your brother just shrugged.

"If they get scared of me and give up that easily then they're not really willing to fight for you. People like that are not worth it."

You knew you brother means well but sometimes you just want him to tone down the scare meter a little bit. Because if this continues, you might end up being single for the rest of his life.

But then, Vernon happened.

You already knew who Vernon was since he was a senior in high school. Vernon lives alone because the rest of his family is in another country. That's why when he gets a weekend off from the university, he would tag along with Wonwoo to your house to hang out. He is basically a part of your family now. However, the both of you didn't really got the chance to talk to each other because you were busy studying and usually just stays in your room the whole day when Vernon visits.

That set-up lasted for months until your first day in college. Wonwoo was supposed to give you the tour but had to cancel since he had to attend to something urgently. Of course, knowing you would whine about it nonstop, Wonwoo sent another person to guide you.

It's none other than *drum rolls please*, his best friend, Vernon. Surprise, surprise!

"Hi," that was just the first word that Vernon said to you (while sporting that smile that YOU swear would actually make anyone melt if possible), but you already knew you would fall for him. HARD.

You wouldn't admit it at first. The guy's nice (and freaking handsome and hot too) but you didn't want to give meaning to that kindness because you thought Vernon might just be doing it because you are his bestfriend's sister. However, it wasn't easy to supress the feelings when every time your eyes meet or when you smile at each other, butterflies would fill your stomach.

Not to mention, Vernon would also never forget to buy you your fave Iced Americano every chance he gets.

Luckily, it isn't a one-sided affection. Because apparently, Vernon is feeling the same towards you. The confession was nothing grand but for you, it was romantic and perfect.

It was in the middle of the crowd, during the Music Festival as your university's resident band was playing Enchanted by Taylor Swift, when Vernon looked at you directly in the eye and told you, "I like you so much y/n. I know this might be too sudden for you but I've been keeping this for a while and I just want to let it out. It's alright if you won't like me back ---"

"Shut up. I like you too," You replied while chuckling. You found Vernon blabbering cute because most of the time when you're together, you did the most talking and he would just agree and smile at you every now and then.

That was also the night that your relationship became official.

What followed was the happiest four months of your life. But now you're afraid that it would be cut short if you won't reconcile with Vernon as soon as possible.

You weren't able to take it anymore so you finally got up and carefully tiptoed as you went out of the room. You were just about to go to the next room but you heard a soft mumbling sound from the living room. That's when you realized that someone other than you were still up and is watching the television.

At first, you thought it was your brother but when you saw the brown hair peeking on the couch's headrest, it was a confirmation that it was him—your boyfriend.

Biting your lower lip, you walked towards Vernon who still haven't noticed that you were there. It didn't seem like he was focused to what he was watching, he was more like 'spacing out".

"Nonie?" You called softly and poked at Vernon's arm. The latter automatically looked up to you and blinked multiple times, probably making sure if you were really there or just his imagination.

"Why are you still awake?" Vernon reached for your hand and squeezed it lightly. You resisted yourself from crying because of how sweet your boyfriend is right now when he should be mad at you.

"I'm sorry about earlier," you said but Vernon shook his head.

"I should be the one saying sorry, babe. I told you I would respect your decision but I still acted up."

"But I know you're upset about it, Nonie."

"No. A little disappointed, I guess. I just don't want to hide anything anymore, especially our relationship. I don't want this to stay like a dirty secret because it's not."

You nodded and came over to sit on Vernon's lap. Your boyfriend was obviously taken aback but he just let you be eventually. He even encircled his arms in your waist to pull you closer.

"Okay. We'll tell them tomorrow."

Vernon's eyes widened. "Tomorrow?"

"Why are you so surprised?" You let out a laugh. "Are you still not ready?'

"Of course, I am. I've been preparing for it for months,"

"So you're not scared of Wonwoo-oppa?"

"As my friend, no. But as your brother, yes. I can even imagine him strangling me the second he finds about us."

You both knew that's far from Wonwoo's personality so he would most likely not do that but who knows? It could be worse.

"You'll be fine, Nonie. But if ever you get broken bones, don't worry, there's a nearby hospital, we can just--aw" you tried teasing him but Vernon was already pinching your nose before you could even finish your sentence.

"You're lucky I would do anything for you."

—♡—

[effielumiere]

All I Want - Kim Namjoon x Reader

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x Reader, OC x Reader

Genre: Romance? Idol AU, Drama, Angst?, Best Friends to (???)

Warning(s): Cursing/Language. Angsty angst? Get your tissues... i think... or not. Two shoes being thrown at Joonie .UNEDITED!

Word count: 12k (I'm so sorry, I got too carried awaaayyy~)

Summary: Kim Namjoon has been in love with his high school best friend ever since he first laid eyes on her. Nearly fifteen years later, he's known all around the globe as BTS's leader RM, but none of that matters to him personally, because all he ever wanted aside to live his dreams was to be with Y/n. However, it seems it's too late. She's about to get married in the following day and he's too afraid to watch her be forever in the arms of someone else that isn't him and for the first time since he's debuted, he wants to try and confess again, even though he knows that this time it's going to be different. He knows you're not going to stay. No amount of pleading and begging will make him yours. So, this time he's going to do that right thing and confess, not to make Y/n changer her mind, but to say goodbye. It's right thing to do anyway... Nothing could possibly go wrong .... right?

Author's Note: I *legit* forgot that this song existed until i read This Chapter of House of the Omegaverse by @sopejinsunflower and remembered it. Without giving much away, the scene goes with Namjoon and the reader looking at each other while the reader was singing it, and I remember how I felt like someone abruptly pulled my heartstrings leaving in a tiny angst mood. And that was moooonths ago btw lol. That story was an inspiration for this and this baby has been sitting on my drafts since House of the Omegaverse ended (please go check out @sopejinsunflower 's work 🥺) I'm a bit behind schedule but I'm pretty sure it's still September 30 in California ... Hopefully lmao. This was originally for Namjoon's birthday, but I got busy so here I am lol. Please leave your feed back in the comments or send me an ask teehee don't be shy😄 And btw, this is completely unedited most parts were written while I was half asleep and tired on the shuttle headed home lol. ENJOOOOYYY!

Armand (OC [Korean Englishmen/JOLLY]) is none other than this young man right here.

< main masterlist >

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Namjoon closed his eyes as the cool wind blew past his face, relished the last night he was going to spend with his long time best friend who was getting married when the morning comes. 6 hours. That's all he needed and that was all the time he got. The sun was already starting to set when he opened his eyes to gaze at the sight before him.

Her. She was wearing a pastel blue dress with small white polkadots, light make-up on her face that accentuated her eyes and enhanced her best features. Her eyes he thought Her eyes are the most beautiful set of eyes he's ever seen. She was looking around the floor watching happily as waiters walked past our table with food on the trays they were balancing elegantly with one hand.

"Oh, Joon," she smiles as she brings the wine glass to her lips to take a sip "I'm so excited for tomorrow, everything went as planned and tomorrow, I'm finally going to be a married woman and have my dream wedding"

"I'm happy for you," he gave her a smile "Truly?" she asks. Namjoon cocks his head to the side, a habit he's that shows his disappointment and sometimes, his disapproval of a certain situation.

"What is it?" she asks, her smile slowly fading, concerned for her best friend "Is everything alright?" Instead of answering, he picks up his glass of whiskey and downs it in one go, slightly wincing at the burn as he contemplates on whether or not he should spill his emotions and tell her how he truly feels, or hold back, let her be happy and never see her again as long as he lives.

"Namjoon" she calls him, making him slowly look up at her "I'm excited about tomorrow, but I'm also nervous"

"Don't be," he tells her in a low voice as he controls himself from talking more than he should.

"Joonie, remember when we went to the beach?" Y/n asks "You know, the place where we met up because I needed your help with my math homework" he simply nods at her not trusting his voice. He's drank enough whiskey for tonight to last a lifetime, he thinks. He motions for the bill at their waiter who was patient waiting for them to leave as they were the last customer of the restaurant for the night.

Namjoon planned everything for this particular evening, he planned of making sure that she had a relaxed night where she wasn't going to worry about anything, including the wedding but what he didn't plan was to entertain the nagging thought he had to tell her how he's really felt for the past 15 years of his life, but at the same time he was scared. Scared to lose her, he decided to shut his mouth and let her, watch her meet someone else, fall for someone else... love someone else.

The night of the engagement, Namjoon watched as videos and pictures of Y/n and her now soon to be husband to be all smiles and happiness on the timeline of his social media accounts, the comments filled with happy wishes and he felt... numb... and angry. No. Not angry. Furious. Furious at himself for being a coward and not trying hard enough, and not expressing what he really felt about her all these years.

~~~~~^^~~~~~~~~^^^^

He waited, until 5 years ago when he thought he'd visit her college campus to pick her up and take her out on a date, hoping she wouldn't say no. But he was too late, so there she was, walking out of the college building, laughing and smiling as she ran into the arms of a man he didn't know, and surprised him the most, they two kissed. And it definitely didn't look friendly. Namjoon unknowingly clenched his jaw and fists at the sight, crushing the poor stems of the bouquet of peonies and sunflowers that he brought for Y/n especially for this occasion.

"Are you okay, Mon-ah?" Jin asks from the driver's seat, looking at the rare view mirror.

"I don't think so, hyung," Yoongi answers for him from the passengers side, nodding his head at the direction Y/n was still smiling and laughing, then they're holding hands as they walked away from the building.

Jin didn't need words to start driving back to their dorm, and when they arrived the maknaes were outside waiting for them with an expectant gaze in their eyes. Parking the car, Namjoon quickly got out, slamming the car door with a bit too much force. Roughly throwing the bouquet on the nearby bin, he walks like a man on a mission to the end of the street.

"Let's go after him," Hobi says and they all nod as the maknaes look at their hyungs in confusion.

"What happened?" Taehyung asks

"Did she turn hyung down?" Jimin questions

"Is Rap Mon-hyung okay?" Jungkook asks in a small voice, his lips curling inward as he bites them nervously.

Jin sighs as he leads the younger boys to walk in the direction where Namjoon was headed. Wrapping an arm around Jungkook's shoulder he looks at them and simply says" Don't say anything alright? It didn't end the way we thought it would," he says in a quiet voice" And I think it would be best not to ask him anything related to Y/n for now. "

"What happened then?" Jimin asks him, still walking. Hobi and Yoongi were already ahead, trying to catch up with Namjoon's fast paced, angry stomps on the pavement. As Jin told the stories to the maknaes and watched the sadness and pity in their eyes grow, Namjoon was already at the park and was being to climb the big tree.

"Uhh... Namjoon-ah, please be careful," Hobi says nervously as he looks at Yoongi who also had no idea how to stop the brokenhearted boy from climbing the tree.

"Namjoon-ah, careful!" Yoongi yells "Please! I have no fucking idea how I'm going to explain to your parents why you're doing what you're doing right now if you get hurt climbing a damn tree because of a broken heart!"

"Oh shit," Jin yells as he heards the last bit of Yoongi's sentence "Namjoon-ah, get back down here!" he yells his neck and ear turning red from the fear and the anger he was feeling for the most clumsy person he's ever known his entire life climbing said tree.

"What is hyung doing?" Jungkook asks

"Don't you dare ever follow his footsteps kid, you could, but don't do reckless shit he does," Yoongi warns the youngest.

"I'm calling Bang PD-nim and Sejin-nim" Jin announces as he pulls out his phone to call their producer, but his actions were stopped when the loudest sound he's heard in his life made him drop his phone on the sand, startled.

"YAAAAAAHH!!! FUCKING BASTARD!!!" Namjoon yelled from the highest point of the tree that he was able to cry. He was breathing heavily, on the verge of crying "YOU JUST HAD TO TAKE YOUR FUCKING SWEET TIME, HUH?!" He yelled at the open air at himself "THERE YOU GOD DAMN GO, YOU IDIOT! YOU FUCKING LOST YOUR CHANCE TO DATE THE GIRL YOU WANTED FOR SO DAMN LONG"

Without giving it much thought, Jungkook started climbing the other side of the tree making sure his brothers didn't see him. Namjoon stared at the maknae once he was leaning on the branch in front of him.

"What are you doing here, Jungkook-ah?" Namjoon asks him softly after he was done yelling about, looking away from him wiping a tear discreetly but Jungkook saw it "I felt bad for you, hyung, so I followed you up here instead even though Yoongi hyung told me not to." he shrugged.

Bang PD-nim and Sejin-nim arrived "Mon-ah, get down from there," Sejin-nim said "You're gonna get hurt!"

"What's the maknae doing there with him?" Bang PD-nim ask Hobi and Yoongi who suddenly look around them only to find the maknae missing.

"You little brat!" Yoongi yelled "I told you not to climb the tree,"

"Don't worry, hyung," Jungkook called back, "I'd do the same for all of you," then turned towards Namjoon "What happened with Y/n, hyung? I thought you'd be happier when you returned."

Namjoon took another deep breath "She uh..." he cleared his throat before continuing, he felt like he was running out of air to breathe because of what he had witnessed earlier "She was with another guy, they're probably dating. She never told me that she was seeing someone else."

Jungkook bit on his lip as he listened to his hyung explain what happened when he was about to leave the car, go up to her and ask her out on a date but was rudely interrupted by a man who seemed to have already taken his place. After a few more minutes talking to Jungkook, thanks to his distraction, Bang PD-nim and Sejin-nim were up to date on what was going on and decided to make him face the music so to speak. Y/n arrived at the park, she was on a date with Armand, the exchange student who she's been seeing for months in secret, when she got a call from the boys' manager and cut the date short when they said that Namjoon was on a tree. It was enough to send her in a panicked frenzy to leave the date abruptly to somewhat save her best friend.

"Namjoon-ah," she called from where the other men were standing. Namjoon's dragon shaped eyes widened and his lips slightly pursed as his gaze shifted from Jungkook slowly to looking below him where Y/n stood, a panic-stricken look on her face and sadness in her eyes.

"Namjoon-ah, please get down here before you hurt yourself," she half begged half demanded

"Don't worry about me, I'm okay," Namjoon tries to reassure her

"Joonie-ya," she calls out to him, so far she's the only one who calls him that and he's allowed it because he has feels for her "I don't know what exactly happened, but you didn't have to climb a tree because you're mad that the girl you like didn't go out with you," behind her, Namjoon saw Yoongi was mouthing that she doesn't know it's her and Jin was giving him a thumbs up that all was well.

"Just get down here and let's talk about it if you wanna," she offers "if not, well... just write a song about it and rip it off like a band aid. You'll move on, Joonie, you'll love someone else, and I promise they'll love you back"

"That's not what I want, Y/n-ssi" he tells her "I don't want anyone else, all I want in this world is y-"

"Ya, Namjoon-ah" Hobi yells out to him, enough to cut his sentence before he said something he wasn't ready to say yet and Hobi's voice was loud enough for Y/n not to hear the end of what Namjoon said "Get down here before we call the firefighters to get you back down here!"

"Joonie-ya," Y/n called out to him one last time "We don't always get what we want, some of us just happen to be lucky. I just left my date alone because they said you're up, stuck on a tree like a stubborn cat."

"Y-you did that? W-why?" Namjoon stuttered "Because you're important to me Namjoon-ah!" she yells back at him, "And right now, I'm pissed because I didn't get to eat! Now get down here so we could go back to your dorm so I can cook Jjajjangmyeon for all of us, or you could just stay there are starve. You look like a dumb dragon perched on a small tree, you punk. I can't believe I'm yelling at an Idol who's stuck on a damn tree like a cat," she stomps her foot on the ground. The men around them watching the interaction found it funny that Hobi was taking a video for future purposes, mainly friendly blackmail. What made Hobi laugh was the way Y/n walked out of the park and headed for the grocery, maknae's (minus Jungkook) following her. When they were out of earshot Bang PD-nim chuckled at the sight before turning to Jin "Guess you only needed her help, get the receipt from the grocery and let me know her bank account to give her a refund. Get your groceries too," he says pulling out a couple of bills and handing it to him "Just in case." then he turned to the man on the tree "Namjoon-ah, get down there and take your girl's advice," he calls out to him grinning and he walks back to his car with Sejin-nim. That evening, Y/n cooked dinner with the help of Jin, Yoongi and Hobi. Despite the cramped space, they were able to walk back and forth in circles and prepare dinner. Namjoon was sitting in front of Y/n, he watched her with sad eyes as he ate. He didn't know whether he was supposed to break everything in his path or just cry, and it wasn't until she left the dorm that Namjoon went back to the nearest convenience store with notebook and ballpen on hand. After two cups on coffee, he wrote about how he felt into two songs, one of them later down the line gave them their first award and a gave them a lot of recognition, the other one... was something that he wanted tell her. But told himself that when they record the song he wanted it to sound almost like haunting accusation.

"I need you and run." he says to himself, cocking his head to the side sighing, he mutters "Please get the message," only to be disappointed that she didn't know it was about her.

~~~~~^^~~~~~~~~^^^^

"Hey, earth to Namjoon," you called out to him smiling "you still there?"

"Yeah, sorry," Namjoon shook the memory from his head a d chuckled "Sorry, I had a mini flashback that's all,"

"Ooh," she leans forward, elbows on the desk and a hand on her cheek "What's it about?"

"Remember when I went up a tree? After this girl didn't go out with me."

She thought about it for a second before she laughs "Is that the one where I cooked Jjajjangmyeon for us and you looked like you were gonna cry on your food?"

"Wait," his eyes widened slightly "You saw that?"

"It's hard not to see it, Joonie," she smiles sympathetically "Your aura screamed that you were heartbroken that's why I cooked, because if I remember it right, it's your comfort food in some sort of way"

Namjoon nods, he felt the exact same thing when your engagement was announced, and he went up the same tree again. To his surprise, the other members followed him and the maknae did exactly what he did that day, he went up the tree. But he didn't scream out his frustrations and their stay didn't last long because this time he came down without your help, and this time he cried in front of his brothers. Telling them that he's lost his chance with you.

"I still am," he admits "Not being loved in return by someone who you've loved for all those years is heart breaking." She nodded. Namjoon asks for the bill and as they get into Namjoon's car, he asks the driver to drop off Y/n first.

They were in front of the villa she was renting with her family and friends, including him and the other members, when Namjoon decided to end his pain. Ripping off a band aid, like she said.

"There's something I have to say, but there are two promises I need to know you'll keep as I tell you this story. The first promise is that you let me say everything on one go and ask me questions later,"

"Alright..." she trailed off hesitant "Go ahead?"

Taking a deep breath, Namjoon had a moment where he thought about letting it go and never letting her know, but there was also that selfish part of him that was begging to be let out. And he liked listening to that part of him.

"I was gonna ask this girl out years ago," he stared at her "I was ready to go out with her after knowing her for years. I've been... In love with her for the past fifteen years; that's from the moment I met her until today." he stopped gaging her reaction and so far so good, she was intently listening, so he continued.

"I met her in English classes." he bites his lip, knowing she's going to finally know how he's felt after all these years, and he didn't know what else to do other than let his mouth run, so he looked away from her. Watching the light of the room that she's staying in, the room that was joined with his, only to be divided by a large bathroom.

"She was wearing her uniform, with a lavander and gray hoodie on top, which made it easier for me to find her. You see I had a crush on her, she's really smart and well spoken, gentle and kind, full of light and laughter, and most of all she had kindness I could never compare to anybody else. When I finally walked up to her, I pretended not to know what our homework was to have an excuse to have her look at me past the glasses and the awful haircut, and you did, " he smiles at the memory before quickly glancing at her. She was slightly wide eyed with his last statement making him look at his hands, suddenly they were very interested to look at.

"I never asked you back then because... do you even remember how I looked like?! I had a bowl cut, it wasn't really hot or cool. So, I told myself, once we get into college I'll ask you out. But it took a while before college was something that I really had to do. I had to work first, we debuted and had to work even harder, I did everything I could to keep you. But that day, I had a bouquet of your favorites, peonies and sunflowers. I was in Jin-hyung's car with him, Yoongi and Hoseok, we showed up at the university. We came home from tour that day and I was really excited to see you, but instead I met you in a different circumstance. You kissed Armand right before I could even get out of the car, and I felt my heart shatter. Jin-hyung drove back to the dorm and we all walked to the park where you saw all of us. I ate dinner with a broken heart because I took too long to ask you out. I wrote songs about you. I need you and run were written that evening. Serendipity, Trivia: Love, Home, The truth untold, they're all about you and for you.

"I've been in love with you for these past fifteen years and I'm such a coward that I never told you in person and now you're going to get married to somebody else" he bit his lip as tears pooled in his eyes "It's so cliché for someone to fall in love with their best friend but what can I do, I'm just a human being who happens to be in love with you and now I'm losing you,

"I lost you to him," he looks out the window, he refuses to look at her not knowing that she too was crying at the secret that he's kept for so long. She's never seen him harshly wipe his tears away in frustration before except for time when the group was deciding on breaking up which never happened.

"I don't expect you to feel the same way or to back out of the wedding, but I wanted to let you know."

"Why now?" she asks in a small voice, Namjoon barely heard her if it wasn't for the silence ringing out in the car "Because the feeling has been eating me up. It's selfish of me do this because you're getting married in less than 12 hours, I know that. But you know me better than I know myself, baby." he whispers the endearment, not knowing she heard him.

Y/n turned to open the door, before she could get a foot out the door Namjoon speaks behind her "I might not stay for the entire ceremony tomorrow, I can't stand there in the aisle behind your husband to be and watch the two of you seal your marriage and your vows with a kiss, wishing it was me instead. I just can't,

"And I'm staying out of your lives, you'll never hear from me again in person. Consider it a wedding present." he states as Y/n finally gets out of the car, but not without closing the door with a bit more force than the usual. Namjoon flinched as his heart breaks, watching his security guard hold out an umbrella for her as it started raining heavily, quietly he lets his tears fall.

"Sir?" his driver asks hesitantly. Namjoon's driver has been around for 7 years now, so he has seen how madly in love Namjoon was with Y/n. Everyone saw it but never said a word to Y/n about it, the would even talk about how lucky she was to have caught the attention of Namjoon even before debut day. Some of them evwn assumed at one point that they were dating because of how Namjoon would look at her lovingly whenever she wasn't looking, "She'll come around, sir" he tries to lift the mood by giving Namjoon positive thoughts, but the only thing that would make Namjoon happy was to have her, but this was his reality and he knew that.

"Not everyone gets a happy ending," he says sad

"But destiny gives it to those who deserve it," his driver tells him

"I..." Namjoon started "I don't think I believe in destiny anymore... she... seems cruel to those she abandons..." his driver simply nodded as they drove back to the hotel.

Falling onto the bed, Namjoon stared at the ceiling letting everything he had just done marinade into his reality. Pick up his phone he quickly sends a text to his group chat with the other members before turning off his phone as notifications started coming in.

Namjoon: She knows everything. I asked the driver to leave the drive in her room earlier.

Back the house where Y/n in preparation for her wedding, everyone was fast asleep except for her mother who was waiting for her in yer room a paper bag on the table next to her.

"Oh good, you're back," she says smiling "Let's get ready for bed, you need enough rest for tomorrow,"

Nodding at her mom then at the paper bag beside her she asks, "What's that?"

"Oh, right," she lightly exclaimed "Namjoon's driver left it for you, he says it's a wedding gift." Y/n slowly opens the bag that her mom hands out before sitting beside her at the end of the bed.

Pulling out a heavy item that was as the side of a DVD but thicker.

"What is it?" her mom asks alout of curiosity, but she knew well what it was and what it possibly consisted.

With tears pooling in her eyes, she looks at her mother finally letting everything she learned tonight sink in.

"Do you think I'm making the right decision? Marrying Armand?" I ask her

"While you're very much in love with Namjoon?" she asks sighing "No. But if you're asking me for the sake of the feeling of because you just want to be married, then it's also a no.

"I love Armand, he's a great kid. Treats you right and all, but I don't think he's really ready to settle down. I have a feeling that you're just going to be an unhappy trophy wife when you get older. I even see you two probably getting divorced because I think you're only together for the sake of convenience, but I don't see you too completely in love with each other."

Y/n pulls her in for a hug, rubbing her back as she sobbed in her mother's arms, "You're the only one who knows the right answer, no one is forcing you to choose someone. It's your decision to follow your heart by following what you know in your head is right." Slowly her mom leaves her alone to rest once she's calmed down.

Picking up the hard drive she noticed two invisible sticky note on it, sitting on the chair in front of her laptop which was on a coffee table she reads the note that says,

Condition two: Before you plug this in to your laptop, promise me that you will forgive me for everything. For not telling you that I love you sooner.

I wish I did, it's something I'll regret until my dying breath. So please, humor this clumsy, old soul. Forgive me.

x. NJ.

Carefully taking them off of the surface of the drive and placing them on the empty pads of the laptop, she plugs it in only to be greeted by a password screen.

Your color of your favorite ice-cream that I'll never eat / Nature.

Letting out a chuckle and a quiet sob, she quickly types in 'green' then she had access. She was greeted with three folders each named 'Part 1- Start here', 'Part 2 - Dream of me.' and 'Part 3 - Farewell'. Deciding to respect his wishes, she opens the first folder, inside was one video entitled 'Open me' that she ended up playing. As the player loaded up, she was greeted by Namjoon's tired appearance. Chin on the palm of his hand that rested on the arm rest of his chair.

I guess this is gonna be the first video? he mutters to himself as she sighs heavily, sitting up to look straight into the camera

Okay... Hi? I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing. I just finished a whole bottle of whiskey with Yoongi hyung. He didn't exactly stop me so... I kept drinking. Today is... he pauses to look at the screen of his phone

December 28th. Y/n's breath was caught on her throat, it was the night of she announced her engagement to Armand.

Actually it's the 29th, it's past midnight. You probably know what today is - or yesterday, but I'll remind you because I'm good ol' pal of yours. he took a deep breath as he rubbed his temples You got engaged a couple of hours ago he sings sadly to himself Hence, whiskeeeyyyy. My best friend.. aside from the members... and you.

Namjoon pours the amber liquid on to a glass that had one ice, swirled it around a couple of times before drinking it in one go as if it was a shot of Soju.

I'm doing this... thing, he motions a hand to the camera as a farewell. Because you're going to belong to someone else, and that someone ain't me, baby, he takes another swig before continuing I'm gonna send you a copy of all of these, he grabs the camera from where it was placed and pointed it to the screen of his computer monitor that was showing organized folders dated by year.

I'm gonna turn this into a huge ass movie and give you a copy. Just to show you how much... I love you, he mutters the last part to himsepf probably knowing by now that the microphone picked it up. Namjoon puts the camera back to where it originally was then he looks directly at it, I'll always love you. But I wanna show you how I fell in love with you and why. I can do it in two ways: write you a song or pile all these up into a movie... or both.

He lazily grins at the camera before saying I've already done the first part, so now imma do this. Originally, I planned making this for you so that one day when I confessed my love for you and I proposed, I would play this as a proposal video or when ended up getting married, this was gonna be my wedding present. But since, neither of those are gonna happen this is gonna be my wedding and parting present for you.

He eventually stops talking and after a minute or two of spacing out he suddenly says Keep your end of the promise. Please. The second one is important. At least send me a text or tell someone to relay it to me if you don't want to talk to me directly. Just let me know you forgive me for my cowardice and for me never seeing you again.

The video ends and Y/n moves on to the enxt folder where she found a scanned file that she opens and finds a handwritten letter from Namjoon.

"You used to say you like romantic stuff like keeping pictures, handwritten notes, late night dates, random short dates, text messages about your day and sweet boba tea with snacks whenever you were sad. I gave you all that, I hope he does that and if he does hope he'll continue to do that for you even when you're old and gray, you deserve that. You deserve it."

Closing the image file, she moves on to the video and when her video player launched and the video was playing she was greeted by pictures of her with Namjoon from when they met from the first time when she transferred to Seoul. Pictures kept moving back and forth from the screen, even a few video clips played, including ones she's never seen before. The first one that surprised her was a video clip from her college orientation, the boys were already quite known around the country and they were already making a name for themselves abroad, and Namjoon surprised her by traveling back home to South Korea even just for a day to see her, months before he had to be convinced to get down from a tree. In the video, the college seniors made the freshmen perform and she was singing Dream a little dream of me, a song Namjoon knew but a talent he never knew she had. He was with Hobi when they sneaked in the auditorium and while she was performing Hobi took a video of the whole performance backstage with her on one side and Namjoon's side profile on the other. He was staring, jaw dropped at the sight before him. He was in love with her, that was the moment he fell and Hobi pointed it out as everyone applauded when Y/n performance ended.

"Holy shit, Hoba," he gapes

"Is that your girl, Namjoon-ah?" Hobi asked only to catch Namjoon's reaction on camera as he slowly nods and mutters "yeah... that's my girl right there... " Y/n heart dropped when she heard his words. The had to go back a few times when he said it, she wanted to believe it... so bad. Every picture was now a pulling at her heart strings and it was past midnight when she got to the last folder containing a video entitled 'Farewell.', and not having any other choice, she played it. Recognizing the background of the the hotel in Las Vegas when they had their concert for Permission to dance, she knew the video was fairly recent.

Hey, me again. Probably for the last time by the time you watch this. I'm not sure if I wanna watch you exchange vows with him tomorrow. I don't have the heart or the guts to face that, call me a coward all you want. Call me all the names you want to. I'm pretty sure I deserve it. he sighs, leaning back on his chair and stretching his largs arms out. I'm tired, but you came today to surprise us. He doesn't know you're here, and I love you for that, breaking all your rules for me, and it's taking everything in me to stop myself from knocking at your door that's across mine; to kiss you senseless and make you forget he ever existed but I have to stop myself he chuckles, shaking his head slightly so for tonight, before you join me in my museum hopping adventure across the country, I'll stay up wishing, hoping, praying even, that you will come knocking at my door asking if you could sleep over because your room feels weird. You used to do that when you joined us on tour for Love Yourself, you spent your entire summer vacation with us and I loved every minute of your presence. Even as you slept next to me in my hoodie.

He stops talking for a good second as he reminisces and he before he continued, he looked directly at the camera as if looking directly at Y/n and says I want to see you grow old beside me like that. But if I ever get the guts to see you one last time, may it be on the day of your wedding or the night before as long as you know how I feel about you. Whether you accept it or not, return it or, most likely, not. I'll live the rest of my days knowing that I never find anyone else who will make me feel the way you did, and I'll never look at another woman the way I look at you. If I were to be selfish, I want you. You. You are all I'll ever want to live in this world, fuck air... fuck water... fuck food, man. You. Are. All. I. Want. And. Need. You're my everything, from the day I laid eyes on you I knew you were the one, all it took was for you to sing Dream a little dream for me to realize I was in love with you. But I was too late. And here we are. Me, watching you be another man's wife. You, watching me do all of this, just to ask for your forgiveness and to never get mad me for being a coward and not telling you all this sooner. I love you, Y/n. I don't understand why you can't see that... Namjoon' places his head in his hands as he starts crying, Y/n started crying wondering herself if she was making the right decision marrying Armand just to be an unhappy trophy wife in the future. I love you so much, I don't want you to marry him but I love you too much to disrespect your wishes and stop you from marrying him. That should be me, jagiya... you know that I don't exactly like him but I know you know what's best for you. So I'll let you go. Your happiness is all I want to see.

Harshly wiping his tears away, he says his goodbye I'll always be here when you need me, you know where to find me. And I'll still welcome you with open arms, as if all of this never happened. I'll wait. I'll always wait for you to come back home. But for now... farewell, baby. Namjoon blows a kiss at the camera before turning it off.

Y/n did go to his room that night complaining that the bed was uncomfortable whuch was true and that it was too cold, that was a white lie to steal a hoodie and he let her willingly. When she asked why his eyes were glassy, he waived it off saying he was really sleepy and tired, and she bought it. Y/n cried harder, muffling her loud sobs with the throw pillow that she was hugging while she was watching their videos.

She didn't cry because she because she knew deep down tonight was the last time she saw Namjoon, but she cried because for the first time since she met Armand, she knew she didn't fully love him.

~~~~~^^~~~~~~~~^^^^

Bright light greeted Y/n when her mother and the bridesmaids pulled the curtains open letting the sunlight pour in, she spent the whole night crying as she rewatched all of the videos until she fell asleep at past 4am.And it wasn't even 5 hours since she was lulled to sleep.

"Good morning sunshine!!!" her maid of honor and best friend yelled, but stopped in their tracks when they saw her puffy face and reddish eyes "What in the world happened to you? You're not sick are you?!" she exclamed. Y/n shook her head saying that she just couldn't sleep, but the other ladies in the room knew otherwise. However, they decided not to comment on it.

Getting up to bathe, she tried her best to depuff her face specifically her eyes which felt very warm. While her make up was done and most of the swelling went down, Y/n eyes started tearing up and her lips started to quiver making the make-up artist stop to look at her mother and best friends for help, and help they did. Every one was rushed out of the room, once the door was shut Y/n couldn't help but cry harder than she did in the early morning. No words of comfort helped until her dad arrived, "I thought you had a wedding to prepare for, what's going on?" he asked concerned, as he closed the door and made his way to his daughter to pull her in a hug one her best friend asks "Is this about Namjoon?"

Y/n's head shot up as she looked up at her, "W-why would you ask that?" Y/n asks

"I saw him drop you off last night, I'm guessing the dinner didn't go because of the way I woke up past midnight and heard you crying in your room," she holds Y/n hand "When are you both going to stop being idiots?" Y/n mom asks

"Hey," he chuckles at his wife, arms still wrapped around his daughter in a hug "we're still idiots even at this age, the correct question is 'when are they going to stop being blind to what they really feel'."

Y/n stood up and walked towards her laptop bringing it to where her parents were sitting. Playing the videos her parents and best friend's reaction didn't change. Y/n kept her eyes on the floor, thanking God that they had enough time to spare before they did the first look of the bride and groom an hour before the wedding. Y/n parents looked at each other with a knowing look before looking at their daughter who was now quietly letting her tears stain the bathrobe and camisole she was wearing.

"Do you forgive him like he asked?" her mom asks to which she nods

"Do you love him back?" her dad asks to which she nods her head repeatedly and cries some more this time her sobs were heard throughout the room as her parents pull her in for a hug.

Back at the hotel, the rest of the boys were trying to convince Namjoon to get dressed but he just sat on the couch refusing to move, and none of them made an effort to make him stand up , not even Jungkook.

"Come on, man," Hobi says "You have to be there, call it a last glimpse or a last look at her. You'll never see her again after today,"

"I already said goodbye, Hoba," Namjoon said in a low whisper like voice "I don't need to do it in person,"

"Hyung," Jimin started "You told her she can ask questions right, then let her ask today, you might even get a chance to know if she forgave you,"

"Think about it, Namjoon-ah," Jin says as he fixes his neck tie "You'll get to keep the image of her walking down the aisle towards you forever embedded in your memory," Taehyung was able to tell off the eldest for being to mean but Jimin stops him before he could. Jin had a plan, and it was definitely worked the way Namjoon stayed silent before he slowly got up to head back into his room and they heard the shower running.

When they made it to the church, everyone was chatting about how beautiful the wedding was and how they couldn't wait to see the bride and groom. Namjoon sighs heavily for what felt like the hundredth time and it was just the afternoon. Namjoon sat down with the rest of Y/n friends and family, he didn't want to be there, but Jin somehow convinced him to. For an unknown reason, he wanted that. He wanted the image of Y/n walking down the aisle looking like a blooming bride in his memory until his dying breath.

Back in the villa where the first look was about to take place, Armand stood facing a tree covered with sheer golden ribbons and fairy lights reminding him of Christmas ribbons put on trees for decoration. Y/n was in the hallway having a word with one of production staff filming the wedding and the photographer, though her parents managed to get her in the wedding dress she didn't look quite happy as she wanted to be.

"It doesn't feel right," she comments when her mom was right in front of her fixing her dress

Her mom hummed "That's because you've been in love with your best friend and didn't even know it until last night," she smiles "You know the right thing to do, your dad and I raised you well to know what's right and to choose what makes you happy. You're a smart woman, you'll figure it out,"

And now, staring at her fiance's back she knew what to do.

~~~~~^^~~~~~~~~^^^^

Namjoon was on his third glass of champagne when they announced that the wedding was about to begin. With the glass being snatched away from him by Jimin, who drank it all in one go before returning it to the waiter that walked by.

"That was mine," he slightly glared at Jimin "Well, it's in my stomach now having a party with the hors d'oeuvres," he smiles at him smugly. Namjoon decided to drop the topic trying his best not to get too pissed or he was going to lose his mind and temper.

As soft music starts playing, everyone turns around to watch the entourage except for Namjoon, he stares straight ahead and when the groom finally takes his place their eyes meet. Armand nods at him and Namjoon returns it. When the maid of honor, your best friend was finally done walking the aisle, everine was patiently waiting for Y/n, but the modernized wedding march didn't play making the six members look at each other confused when Jungkook tells them she's at the door of the ceremony area. He even pointed it out, making them turn around discreetly and he was right, ends of your wedding dress was peeking at the foggy glass near the base of the door. It would appear for a second then it would disappear only to appear a few seconds later, Jungkook felt nervous for the groom but a part of him was happy. He knew you were pacing. Biting his lip to stop himself from disrespectfully smirking at the groom, he looks down to close his eyes from anyone seeing his hopefulness, but the other members except for Namjoon knew what he was thinking as the look each other with smiling eyes. Namjoon's farewell and last appearance did more than just evoke emotions that she's buried years ago. It was, at mere moments before her wedding, making her choose what she knew was right.

Behind the closed door, Y/n paced as she thought about what she was going to say. Her dad was relaxed but concerned with her pacing. It was a good ten minutes before she looked at her dad and finally nodded. He didn't know what was going on inside her head but he trusted her and her decisions. He just prayed she had known earlier so they didn't have to worry too much about spending on a wedding like this. Taking her dad's arm, the wedding planner and production team already knew what was about to happen but they weren't too worried.

As the wedding march played, Namjoon and Armand's eyes meet one last time, and Armand mouths something at him that he didn't quite understand, it made Armand chuckle and instead pointed at him mouthing you followed by a thumbs up. Still not understanding he turns around to look at Y/n who was a few feet away from him. The sight of her made him gasp quietly, Jin was right and he was glad he listened. It was worth it to see her in white walking down the aisle and remember it for the rest of his life. She looked beautiful it was painful to look at her, he wanted to tear his eyes away from her gaze, but didn't have the heart to look at the love of his life be a vision in white and ignore it.

Y/n was surprised when she spotted Namjoon standing with the rest of the members and her family. She kept her eyes on him until he turned to look at her and for the first time since she turned away from what she felt for him, she finally realized why she fell in love with him all those years ago. When Y/n finally reached the end the aisle, she and Armand smiled at each other before facing the pastor and before he could even get a eord out Armand beat him to it, "Give us a second please," he whispered which surprised the pastor but none the less respected it, turning to Y/n who was staring in space he gently calls her name making her turn to him slowly. Giving her a kind, small smile and nod he says "Go ahead, I'll take care of everything. You don't need to worry about it. I was the one who dragged you into this in the first place."

Y/n looked up at him with teary eyes, "But..."

"Remember what I said an hour ago?" he asks to which she nods in response "Do it."

Turning around, he faces their guests lightly touching her elbow as a way of letting her know she can go, and when he chuckles and tells her to go without making a second thought she grabs the however many yards of tulle of her wedding dress and runs for the exit.

"And she finally lives her Julia Roberts moment," he shakes his head in disbelief as he laughs while everyone gasps at Y/n's actions.

"Everyone calm down, it's okay," Armand reasures them. The seven boys including Namjoon who felt a chill down his spine looks back and forth between the groom and the door that Y/n just disappeared off to. While the entire guests were speaking amongst each other in loud volumes, Armand makes his way towards Namjoon grinning like a fool, "Go after her," he says making Namjoon stare it him as if he's lost his mind

"What?!" Namjoon says in disbelief that is sounded as if he squeaked "What the fuck are you going on about?"

"Just go. Go find her, you know where. Tell her hiw you really feel," Armand says

"I have no clue what you're talking about, man," he denies

"Stop lying to me and to everyone including yourself, Namjoon," Armand exclaimed with a chuckle "We all know you love her, and she's in love with you,"

"That-... that is not true," Namjoon denies once more "She's supposed to be marrying you,"

"Out of convenience because I needed to get married for my father to pass the business on to me and she knew that from the beginning!" he interrupts Namjoon "We fell in love but I she stayed because she was heartbroken after seeing you with somebody else!" The other six boys who were listening were finding the story entertaining and they listened intently with wide eyes and jaws dropped.

"Y/n has been in love with you even before I met her, she's told me that but when she saw all of you in a club and you were with another girl, she got jealous and told me she doesn't love you anymore. But, brother, I know the look she gives you and the looks you give her when no body else is looking, now go. You know exactly where to find her, "

" Go! " the other members start yelling at him and start pushing him towards the exit

"Hey bro," Y/n best friend yells out "Bring her back here and get married or I'm marrying Jungkook,"

"Hurry back, please," Jungkook whispers at him before pushing him to the exit, all the members behind him. Namjoon's driver was already waiting for him in the car at the valet and as soon as he sits his driver gives him a loud laugh as he drives to the main road yelling "I told you so!" as they sped away, not knowing the other members were all packed up like sardines in a car following them.

~~~~~^^~~~~~~~~^^^^

Y/n walked the halls of high school that he and Namjoon attended back when they were teenagers. It was pouring outside and she didn't bring a jacket or change out of her dress when she ran away. The students who saw her asked her if she was okay and why she was crying, explaining that they were tears of joy they waited on the roof of the school's entrance until their parents picked them up. Not being able to enter the school she walked around the building until she reached a nearby gazebo, the exact spot where she and Namjoon first locked eyes and exchanged awkward smiles at each other. The ends of her dress were turning brown with all the rainwater and mud she ran into, she was thankful that even though she was wearing heels they were closed shoes protecting most of her feet from rain.

Sitting on the gazebo bench, she leans down to take off her shoes, massaging her feet as she places both of it on the bench as she sat sideways. She was quite thankful that she was able to grab a taxi that took her halfway to the school with a small amount of money her best friend put in the pockets of her dress. Yes, she had her dress customized to have pockets and she was glad that it came in handy. Gazing out into the football field, she thought about how her body and her mind dragged her there. It was an unconscious thing that she did. Whenever she fought with Namjoon or Armand, or anyone for that matter, they would always find her here sitting on the gazebo. It was what Hobi called a Safe Zone, somewhere no one could get mad or attack her. It was her second safe zone anyway, first being Namjoon, but she stopped running to Namjoon unless she was devastated. He was the only one who was able to comfort her in ways Armand couldn't and he knew that.

That's why when he heard the faint footsteps of Y/n behind her, he had an inkling that the wedding wasn't going to happen from the way he saw her crying as she ran up the stairs and how devastated Namjoon looked as the car drove away. He knew that she finally found out that Namjoon was in love with her and he was okay with that, he accepted it. He even went up to her room hours after she arrived, he was about to knock on the door when he heard a loud sob and her quiet cries. He knew from that moment that the time he feared arrived but he wasn't angry, he was sad not for himself but for the both of them. For a precious friendship possibly broken.

"Armand?" she quietly calls for him making turn around and seeing her in her dress he thought she'd make a beautiful bride but not for him. Shaking her head with tears in her eyes, she starts apologizing to him.To her surprise, Armands steps forward and wraps his arms around her, rubbing her back gently "I know, I know. It's okay," he tries to soothe her "You can cry, it's okay. It's just us." And he let her. For a good few minutes he let her cry, tears staining his suit but he didn't mind.

"What am I supposed to do?" she asked when finally got the chance to breathe

"I'm not really sure what to tell you, Y/n, because as much as I want to marry you 'cause I love you and I can't force you to marry me when we both know that you're really in love with him."

"How come every one knows that?"

"Because we've all seen signs but chose to ignore it or shrug it off, simply because of the fact that we're dating. But every one could see right through the two of you, even I did.

"I'm not mad at you for being in love with him while you were with me, I just wished you realized sooner. It would've been less miserable and less painful for you both." he admitted, taking her hand he kisses her knuckles "I accept if you don't want to go through with the wedding anymore, but please do me a favor and walk down the aisle so they wouldn't think you just bailed on the wedding. You can run away right before everyone sits down. Just look around for a bit, you put a lot of hard work planning what you wanted,

"It just so happens that it's with the wrong guy," he smiles "Go be happy, love." he leans forward to kiss her forehead "You deserve happiness with the man you truly love,"

Namjoon asked to be dropped off at Y/n apartment thinking she would be there but tye receptionist mentioned that she didn't see Y/n enter the building making Namjoon runnto his building that was next door to see if she was waiting by his front door only to be disappointed. Walking back to the car he finally spots the car behind his driver and walks up to it, only to find his brothers squeezed in between the two rows of the Starex.

"What are you guys doing here?" he asks eyebrows pulling together

"Did you really think we were going to let run out to look for her on your own?!" Yoongi shot back at him "How in the world were you going to look for her?"

"You went to the most obvious places she would never go" Jin pointed out "She would never go back to her place or yours, it's not a great idea to wind down in a closed off area,"

"Well where do you think she went if you all think you're damned geniuses?" Namjoon exclaimed out of frustration "She's out in the middle of Seoul all alone in a fucking wedding gown and it's raining!"

"Watch your language, Namjoon-ah," Jin said in a stern voice that he rarely uses on his younger brothers "You don't have to be mad at us when all we're trying to do is help," Namjoon immediately backed down not wanting the eldest to be upset with him.

"I just..." he started "I need to find her, she gets sick easily and I don't want her to get hurt, she's out there all alone-"

"You're not kids anymore, Namjoon-ah," Yoongi tells him "She could handle herself, but I know what you mean about her being alonenand needing to find her asap. So start using that brain of yours to think about where she could go, somewhere only the two of you would know.

"There are so many places we went to over the past fifteen years, how am I supposed to remember all of them?" he says in a panic as a thunder rumbles above them

"Do you think she'd go to hyung's parents?" Jimin asks them

"To Ilsan?" Namjoon asks "It's too far away, and she wouldn't go there knowing my parents aren't..." he stops mid-sentence, looking at the road seeing that there wasn't too much traffic ahead, he was mentally calculating time

"What's wrong, hyung?" Taehyung asks him, looking at where he was looking

"Home," Namjoon finally says in a quiet voice "Home. I know where she is," he says in a firmer voice before running back to his car and tells the driver where to go and his brothers follow right behind him.

~~~~~^^~~~~~~~~^^^^

"I swear we're gonna get arrested, Namjoon-ah," Y/n says in a panic holding his hand in a death grip, but he didn't mind. They're both usually paired up together with a senior back in high school because of how clumsy and heavy-handed, but Y/n was naturally clumsier than heavy-handed, that talent was something that Namjoon excelled in. But what they're doing was completely reckless.

"It's not breaking and entering, babe," he teases, Y/n blushed at the endearment hiding her face on his shoulder "The gazebo is outside and the place isn't even gated, it's practically part of the park's property if you follow the invisible line"

"I don't care, out school thinks it theirs I'm not disrespecting their decisions considering the fact that I need to graduate and not get expelled or arrested for trespassing,"

"Let them try," he mutters as they walk nearer to the gazebo

"You're an idiot," she sighs "We both are..."

"Welcome home, baby," he jokes as they step into the gazebo, their surroundings were only lit by the moonlight and a street lamp "The baby's all tucked in bed and fast asleep,"

"Keep joking around like that and you just might have to marry me,"

"Don't dare me," he chuckles "It's gonna be your problem, I'm not Jin hyung or Yoongi hyung. I won't be able to cook for you,"

"Or keep the place clean," you laugh

"Ya!" he exclaimed too loudly making him cover his mouth and Y/n silently laughs "You're lucky you don't live with us,"

"What are you going to do?" she dared "Vacuum the place in the early morning? You must have forgotten that I'm a heavy sleeper,"

"You sleep like Jungkook, nothing can wake you up except for food," he smiles as he comfortably places his arm on the bench behind her. Behind them was a fence that separated the school from the park where there was a couple by the swing set.

"You know we could just get married and not tell anyone," he tries to dare her "The city hall isn't that far all we gotta do is wait for the next available date,"

"You're crazy," she chuckled "Focus on your debut and your dream, not to mention you have to finish school and all. When you're done with all of that, let's talk weddings and marriage, and every thing in between,"

"How about we live together till then?" he proposed "We'll have a little house, maybe two bedrooms one for us, the other for an office and maybe in the future it will turn into a nursery,"

"You're too drunk," she laughs off his offer nit knowing how serious he was "We should have stayed with soju instead of shifting gears to whiskey,"

"I'm serious," he protests eyes wide as he gently places another hand on the table, leaning closer to her "We could get married when I've saved up for a wedding you want once the debut becomes a success,"

"Namjoon-ah," she started "Listen to what you're saying. This isn't a joke, we have our own dreams to make come true. Are you absolutely sure you want to start family before you could even stand on your own two feet? Bangtan's debut is next week and you're thinking about getting married,

"If does become a success, you won't have time for a relationship let alone a family of your own until the dust has settled," she watches Namjoon's reaction as he looks away from her, he knew he should have confessed earlier before Bang PD-nim announced their upcoming debut. But deep down, he knew she was right. However, he was persistent he wanted to be with her before someone else could step in. He had a feeling he was going to lose her once his focus fully shifts to being the leader of Bangtan.

"For now, we can enjoy this friendship," she says smiling as she was rubbing his shoulder, but Namjoon thinks that it was his heart that needed to be in your touch to heal from this rejection "and we could call this little gazebo 'home' if you want. Our 'little home', a place only we know and the only place we can truly be ourselves and be comfortable."

"This gazebo is home if you're here," he partially agrees with her "If you're not here, this is just another gazebo. You're my home, Y/n,"

"Ditto, nerd," she sighs resting her head on the shoulder she was rubbing. Placing a small kiss on his shoulder she whispers "Go win their hearts, Namjoon-ah. I know the seven of you guys are gonna make it big. You have something others don't,"

"Hmm... And what would that be?"

"Passion, patience, determination, one dream and the best part, you have each other." Y/n smiles to herself, "But the biggest flex your team has is that they have you as their leader, it takes a great team to succeed, but a great leader will make a great team succeed be even better,

So, believe me when I say you'll make it big. And I'm gonna be right behind you, watching all of you reach your dreams and live it" she said proudly.

Namjoon let the tears flooding his eyes fall as he kisses the top of her head. He knew that he had to succeed to make her proud, he finally compromised with himself that he should make her proud and come back to her when the right time comes.

"Just don't forget about me, Joonie," she teases "I'll forever be your number one fan,"

"Don't be ridiculous, Y/n-ssi. You're going to be right next to me the whole ride, you gonna be with me all the time. I'll make sure of it."

That early morning, Namjoon walked her back to her dorm before going back home to his dorm. Not completely happy about being rejected by Y/n, but feeling more determined. It was like adding wood to a campfire, add more and the fire becomes bigger, that fire was his determination. Little did he know, she was gonna end up moving om with her life without him as he focused more and more on his job.

"YA! I've been looking everywhere for you," a voice says behind Y/n making her turn around quickly as she snaps out of her thoughts. Namjoon always thought that she never remembered that night because of how drunk she was, but that was the evening that Y/n found out that she had a pretty high tolerance with alcohol that over the years whenever the boys got drunk, Yoongi and Y/n would be the last ones standing. A secret that Yoongi kept, knowing that it would be a useful talent of hers in the future, and, man was he right .

"Do you know how fucking worried I was about you?!" he asks her his tone indicating a hint of anger with the concern laced in his voice "You could get sick with how reckless you are. Can't you see it's pouring and you're in a fucking dress?!" Standing in the rain, Namjoon's chopped blonde hair was wet and so was his dress shirt and coat. Y/n couldn't place the look he had in his face, no doubt he looked worried and mad, but there was something else. Longing, she decided, and hope. Both a very dangerous combination.

"Go home, Namjoon-ah," she says through the the noise of the rain splattering on the roof of the gazebo and the pavement "You don't have to worry about me, I'll just grab a bus home."

"Like hell you are," he scoffed "And I'm not done talking"

Y/n wanted to take her shoes and throw it at him, and she was seconds from doing so. Not like it was the first time she threw a shoe at him.

"What the hell happened?" he asks and she rolled her eyes "Why did you run away from the wedding? People are getting more and more worried about you, you should go back and get dried up. Armand sent me to get you."

"He didn't send you, dad did." Y/n says "Dad was the last person to talk to Armand before I walked down the aisle. So, it's most likely dad.

And don't fucking ask me what happened when you were the one who sent a hard drive filled of videos of you getting trashed," she started fuming "Stop pretending like you didn't say the things you said last night to put me where I am right now, you little piece of shit!" she grabbed her shoe and hurled it at his direction aiming for his head only to surprise her when he ducked to the side and dodged it like a pro making the boys in the car who were watching the entire thing happening with Jungkook and Hobi taking videos, howl at how impressive it was.

"Oooh!," Hobi chuckled "Oh he's gonna be in trouble for dodging that one!" all of them laughed as Jimin asked "We're such bad friends for filming this,"

"Hey, now," Jin said from the passenger seat "At least we came to support him, and we're not just his friends, we're family too,"

"You measly little fucker," Y/N gritted as she threw another one this time the show landed on his muscled bicep "You dare," she threw a bracelet she was wearing "fucking" she struggled with taking the viel from her head before bundling it into a ball and throwing it at him "dodge me. You asshole!" From the car, Hobi snort-laughed as they continued filming "Told you," making Jimin lightly hit his arm as they all chuckled.

"Call me whatever you want, Y/n, if it's going to make you sleep better tonight," Namjoon said to her his tone returning to how he started when he arrived "If it makes you fucking happier do it,"

"Why did you show up?" Y/n demanded as she walked up to him not caring about getting rained on, a part of Namjoon wanted to pull her back in the gazebo but he was frozen at the sight before him, just like how frozen he was in his place when she walked the aisle not less than 2 hours ago, "What made you think you could just show up?! Didn't you say you weren't going to be there? Did you finally muster up the courage to stop being god damned coward? You fucking bastard!" she yelled and cried, she was pushing him away from her over and over again, and Namjoon let her slam her fists on his chest repeatedly, but to his surprise she didn't hit him as hard as he thought she would. Gently grabbing her wrists, he wraps her arms around his torso pulling her close in a hug as he placed a hand behind her head and another one around her back. Y/n stiffened under his touch before she relaxed and quietly sobbed with her face on his coat, soaked in the rain and her tears.

Without any hesitation he places a kiss on the top of her head before gently holding her face with both hands and leaning down just so his lips were near hers, but he didn't move. Instead he waited for her, and when she finally understood why he didn't move and longingly stared at her lips, she did the one thing they've both been waiting for since they fell in love with each other in high school and finally, her lips met his. When Namjoon pulled away, resting his forehead on hers, he whispers to her "I'm never letting you go again. You're not going to get rid me that easily this time around," Y/n giggled as she leans up again for another kiss and Namjoon gladly kissed her back, finally tasting the lips he's been craving for so long.

Back in the car, the boys were giggling and smiling like high schoolers. Jungkook was still filming the entire thing and the audio surely caught all of their side comments and the noises they all made when they finally kissed for the first time.

"Now that," Jin pointed out his window, "Is better than any existing and upcoming dramas on TV,"

"Definitely," Yoongi smiled

"We finally don't have to deal with a grumpy Namjoon hyung," Taehyung sighed happily "Our world is finally at peace"

"You can't say that," Jungkook objected chuckling, "Now they're gonna get married and have kids, hyung. We're ginna have little Namjoons running around the office," Hobi laughed out loud, clapping as he did. Jimin stared at him with wide puppy eyes, "W-wait... But they're both clumsy," he pointed out, then he muttered to himself "that means their kids are gonna be... Aiiishh-"

Opening the window next to Hobi and pushing out most of his upper body out, not caring about the rain he yells out to the couple who we're smiling at each other through their tears that were getting mixed with the rain that was falling on them, "YA! YOU BETTER NOT BE MAKING KIDS SOON, YOU IDIOTS!" this time tue other members laughter reached their ears, the car no longer soundproof because of the opened window. Namjoon looked back at his friend and he tightened his arms around Y/n, "I got bad news for you, Jimin-ah," he smiles "You might see them sooner than you think," this time along with the sound of laughter mainly Hobi's due to his reaction to Jimin's wide eyed look at the couple, joined a few sounds of complaints mainly from Yoongi and Jin who knew immediately that they can't say no if the time comes for them to be babysitters for Y/n's kids, but decided to give complaining a try if it means it will buy them time to mentally prepare for mini-me's of the middle child of Bangtan.

Namjoon ignores the other members and turns back around to the gazebo walking towards it with his hand still holding Y/n as they sit.

"You ruined my wedding," she muttered lamely while they were seated inside the gazebo, arms still around each other.

"We'll have a better one," he promised her "that's if you want one. I mean it, what I said; I'm not letting you go again. It was the biggest mistake I made, I'm not going to make that mistake again."

"A wedding with you? And if I don't want to be with you?" she says almost in a daring manner, her chin resting on his chest as she looks up at his face

"Move in with me or start a family with me, either way, be with me; be mine and I'll be yours" He says, and at that moment Y/n recalls the early morning they got drunk and how he called the gazebo their home "I just want to be with you, that's all I want. Stay with me, please" Y/n watched Namjoon's every move and if back then he was recklessly discussing marriage with her with no clue about what the future holds for them both. Now, he knows exactly what he wants and it's to marry her, spend his life with her.

After a beat, she smiles and pulls him in to press a kiss on his cheek.

"Is that a yes?"

"Only one way to find out, Namjoon-ah" she grinned.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Epilogue anyone?🤣) Thank you for reading, please leave you feedback in the comments or send me an ask and please reblog if you enjoyed it.

Permanent taglist (always open) :

@lovergirl1316 @buttvi @borahae-reads @lemonadecandycandy @misshale21 @damn-u-min-yoongi @tattoomom11 @chimchimmarie @katskeigo

[safyresky]

Sorry for the late hour but here are some questions! For the ask thing!

I could've literally asked for all the questions to be answered but here's just a few. Please and thank u

54 / 40 (for no reason at all 🤫)/ 39 / 16

I am a cretura of the night, Andie! No worries about the late hour EVER lol ;)

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

Oh I like this one! Let me think! Hmm! You know what's fun? Bullet points! And readmores which I will do. uh. now

Cold front hugs! Specifically the mindscape one in Chapter 6, and the pair of them leaning on one another on the way out of the pond @ the Springs in Chapter 23 of CS! Which yes, isn't a hug, but is a cute Cold Front moment

Winter grabbing Blaise's lapels in Chapter 11 while he has a whole ass crisis >:)

The fucking. (breaks window) Blinter: were those our kids? Jack: SCATTER scene lmaooooooo (from Chapter 22 of CS)

The twins doing one of these (see photo below) on the backyard deck stairs before asking Summer to play fire tag with them

^like that, but like. on all fours. with Fino squashing Fiera lmao

Honestly there's so many scenes I'd love to get fanart of/draw/EXPERIENCE but those are the ones that pop into the head IMMEDIATELY! And that's just CS, AH!. The family photo from Jacqueline Dies pt2 would ALSO be a lovely fanart to see! I actually did a shit doodle of it last week just for funsies:

My god it's so LONG. Sorry about that! anyway!

54. What’s your favourite part about the fanfiction writing process? Shoving an OC or two or five into the story and see how it goes >:). that and uploading a draft and reading it through one last time. That's exciting! I love that part! It's time consuming but I LOVE IT. It's like. THE ANTICIPATION

39. Share a snippet from a WIP

I should like. Assign these wips to numbers and start rolling dice about it. Um. OKAY! From smile shot wip "Believing is Seeing"

“Is it Grapes of Wrath?” “Yes! It actually was! Nice guess, Dite.” Dite and Xander lay on his dream cloud, just behind the chimney of Danielle’s house. Jacqueline snoozed still, curled up on Dite’s thigh. The goddess had lain back; her arms were behind her head as she gazed up at the sky, watching the clouds drift by. On the other side of the cloud, Xander lay on his back as well, one leg dangling, the other one bent at the knee as he read a book. “Alright, I got one. Two exes meet up again after a few years; shenanigans ensue, they still both have it bad for each other. Best slow burn I have ever read.” “Persuasion?” “Awh, you got it on the first go!” Xander laughed. “It’s supposed to be a misleading summary, Dite.” “I just really love Persuasion. It’s one of my favourite books! When Wentworth writes that letter? I just. Ugh,” Dite finished with a happy sigh. “It’s good.” There was a grumble between the two Legates; Dite perked up, sitting up gently. “Hi sleepy head,” she said with a grin. Jacqueline sat up, scrunching up her nose. “That was not four hours.” “Almost twelve, actually,” Xander said. “Dream sand may have had a hand in it.” Jacqueline scratched her neck and stretched her shoulders, shaking her freshly thawed hair off her face. “I didn’t melt all over you, did I?” “You did, but I don’t mind! It was just a little damp, no biggie.” “What’s the status?” “Quiet day,” Xander said, flipping his page. “They’ve stayed in for the most part. Left for errands a while ago, not back yet. Danielle’s still feeling hopeful, though.” “And she’s been meaning to text Charlie all day!” Dite said, chipper. “Can we get closer?” Jacqueline asked. “Why’d we move from the window?” “She ran to it right when she woke up and we were almost caught,” Xander said, flipping another page. “You snore.” “The fuck I do.” “You do,” Dite said. “But it’s cute snores! Like um, like every third breath is a snore.” “A honk sho or a mimimi?” “A weird cross between both.” Jacqueline looked thoughtful, then shrugged. “I can vibe with that. Side note, love that we can swear right now. Feels good, feels wholesome,” she said, hopping off of the cloud and onto the roof. “What are you doing?” Xander asked, putting down his book. “Getting closer! This one’s her room?” Xander nodded. “Quiet, though!” “I thought nobody was home?” “Her sister is.” “Alright, I can be quiet,” Jacqueline said, and, with a little hop, disappeared into thin air. “What is she doing?” Xander asked, trying to find her magical aura. Dite peered over the cloud with Xander. She surveyed the roof, then swatted Xander gently. “Right there, look; fast moving trail of frost headed down the drain pipe. She’s being sneaky,” Dite said with a grin. Xander chuckled. “Nice.” In the distance, car doors slammed and chatter met their ears. Danielle and her Mom had gotten back from their errands and were chatting up a storm. “Things are picking up again!” Dite said with an excited squeal. “We’re almost there, Xander!”

The summary of this one: Charlie tells Danielle about what his Dad REALLY does. Trouble in paradise has Dite on ALERT; determined, she hatches a lil plot and drags Jacqueline and Xander along for the ride. It's been fun to write! This trio of Legates is my fave lmao. They get into situations, and it's tripled when Charlie hangs with them!

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

Honestly? Too many! If I had to count, excluding wips, it'd be uh....eight, I think 🤔🤔🤔

My favourite one right now is Diteline Valentine's Day featuring Diteline kiddos! Dite's working and Jacqueline gets the day off. There is a cuddle puddle after Dite leaves for work. The kids ask Jacquie about what Diteline used to do on VDays before kids. Jacquie tells them all about their romance and such and says that every day is VDay with the four of them for her! They decide they wanna do something nice for their moms despite Jacquie's reassurance. Shenanigans ensue!!! Robyn wears a blanket cloak! Eira/Bianca didn't sleep! Joy has been awake for hours bc Valentine's Day! It's a recipe for disaster!

thanks for sending these in 🥰🥰🥰

[viscountessevie]

Benophie anon here (the first one!) Thank you so much for responding to my ask, it was part rant, part setting the record straight on how benophies were initially feeling after the s3 announcement. Also re: trivias response to my ask: I totally understand why you may not like the book, imo it's probably the worst written book out of the series as a whole, if irc it's also the shortest book in the series, and is at least a 100 pages shorter than rmb, which might explain the pacing (the book has like 7 scenes total) It's also pretty obvious jq just wanted to get the Ben's story out of the way and move on to polin already. I checked the publishing dates for the series and there is only 7 months between tvwlm and aofag, all the other books are a year apart!! So it was definitely rushed. I think the reason I like the story so much is because it has the potential to be phenomenal. Forbidden love, the inter class pairing and yes even the no 5 shenanigans. These tropes and ideas just do it for me. Their story has the potential to be great and I will forever hate jq for not having the skill or patience to deliver on that potential. As for the workplace harassment complaints: idk man let me enjoy my fantasy book in peace✌ . That's the beauty of having eight books in this series! There's something for everyone. The show has a golden opportunity to take what is the foundation for a great story and make some excellent television out of it. I do think that the the reason they skipped over ben is the cinderella aspect of the story, you must remember how much backlash that trope was getting a year ago, the producers probably got scared and pushed the season which is... fair ig? I just hope they don't feel the need to overcorrect the book, the cinderella trope is only like the first 5 chapters anyway and then its a straight forward forbidden lovers trope. The masquerade episode could be one of the best episodes on the show if done properly. Again: the ingredients for the perfect cake are there, The producers just have to follow the instructions and not add any weird shit in there. Sorry for the long reply lol, but you did ask us to write you and essay. (Also I might add on to this essay in a couple hours, I'm definitely forgetting some stuff)

Previous Ask by Benophie Anon

[Part 2 of this ask is below when I answer it!]

Hii bestie, I know this ask has been sitting in my drafts for a while but I'm briefly back to clear out my old asks :)

Thank you for the essay - I really do love reading them and it's just very nice to know that yall are willing to read mine and give the same energy back 😍 I truly have some of the best anons/mutuals/followers ever so thank you yall!

I'm always here to let yall vent and set the record straight - as I always say this blog is a safe space for anyone who wants to make this a safe space and isn't a bigot. I've also sent along your reply to Triv. I had a good chuckle at "Idk man let me enjoy my fantasy book in peace" you're so valid. Do let me know if you do end up reading The Millionaire Marquess since it's similar to Benophie - maybe it's the book that hits the potential of what you're talking abt with AOFAG!

Also hearing about how short the book is and the publication dates,,, JQ REALLY fucked over Benophie for Book!Polin huh that really sucks and I'm sorry to Benophies out there (well the valid ones, the homophobic and racist weirdos can get out of here).

I definitely understand your frustration with books not hitting the potential you see in them. I had that with a book I reviewed recently, Unladylike Lessons In Love (yes I am indeed showering you with all the HR recs because everyone deserves to read outside JQ)

Don't let the execs and higher ups off the hook, anon cos it's NOT fair that they completely messed up the order of the books. Not to mention how they butchered TVWLM. I don't think these people even care abour elevating the books - they just slapped the series name on it for the in built fanbase which ofc the racist part of that fandom got weeded out REAL QUICK after Regé's casting. Now they're using the characters of colour as props to switch out every season to draw in their POC audience. Well they can't do that with the cracker season so good luck to them.

I'm the same - I only enjoyed AOFAG BECAUSE of Luke T! I don't think I would have been as forgiving of Ben's privileged and lowkey creepy ass in the book if I had read the book first or if Ben was played by anyone else less charming.

I think they aged him down for the ignorance and navieté show version! Also to go with the Marina storyline. He needed to be young and dumb to be tricked by her I guess. Tbh your guess is as good as mine cos this show makes so many questionable choices.

Now at the heels of QC, S3 has a LOT stacked against it. But I don't think the execs or forerunners are gonna even bother trying to redeem her 🤡 so good luck getting the audience to root for her. They're just gonna She's All That it and call it a day tbh. It's going to be bland af and I won't be tuning in. I really am over Bton the show tbh. I'm only still discussing these things cos my blog is so tied to it and my friends are still in it lol. But as you and everyone who follows can see, I have been slowly moving away and expanding my tastes.

To end off, again thanks so much for all your asks! I really do hope S4 is Benophie and they do it justice! For you and my Benophie friends ❤

[lovehyyuntold]

hiii <3 sorry it took me like forever to send this to you, i just couldn't find the right words to express my gratitude.

your reblog was so nice, i think i shed a tear or two ngl 😭 i've been writing for a long time, even before this blog, and i have to admit that i've been discouraged a lot (that's why i never finish my stories lmao). anyways, what you said about reading 'lost warmth' made me realise that maybe, all this time and effort i put into this hobby isn't for nothing. really, thank you so much!! there was so reason for you to be this nice to me but you were and i'm just 😭 sobbing really.

your words really made my whole day, week even 🩷 and i swear this is the nicest thing someone has ever said to me. I hope that somehow, i will be able to return all the joy your beautiful self managed to make me feel <3

I hope you have the best day ahead, and don't forget to take care of yourself!! 🩷 i'll be back to scream in your reblogs whenever you post another masterpiece (i'll be the first one there, nobody is beating me 😡)

also, i would loove to read those two stories you mentioned!! if you ever want to share, i'm here <3 getting to read your writing is an honour in itself 🩷

Oh dear, hellow, hi <3

I feel slightly flustered to even answer your ask, ahh. Please, let me tell you, I couldn't even express half of what your writing felt to me at that time. I am so honored, truly, for you to say you shed a tear to my comment, I actually don't even know how to feel right now?

I'm so awkward, help. But genuinely speaking, Lost Warmth absolutely broke me to the core. As odd as this sounds, I can be quite self-indulgent when it comes to angsty stories. Up to the point where my friends call me sadistic as a joke. They believe that it's more challenging for me to write a happier ending compared to a bitter one. Sometimes I find myself in that spot, which I slightly need to work on, but I think that's why your story clicked so much.

Lost Warmth flickered inspiration including another story (that I seem to have forgotten the title too) in me that I ended up writing about the seasons, the feelings these changes emits yet the loneliness stayed. While your story showcased one's feelings that stayed, even after being apart—the love, the memories, its still there, and its agonizing. I cried, heavily. I think I was sitting on the couch one day, a little bit of downpour, and the perfect weather for your fic. I ended up watching and listening to Winter Falls on repeat after. A huge point from this is that, if I had not read your fic, if I had not stumbled upon your story, I wouldn't have received the amount of inspiration I had that day.

I went through my drafts and the dates, I genuinely starting writing winter first—which felt so perfect for each year, winter ends and starts us off. So thank you for that, for posting that story, I wish I had said all of this sooner, I wish more people could share their honest thoughts in stories, because inspiration thrives within these narratives.

hdjshsjsh nice to you? YOU'RE SO KIND TO ME TOO 😭 I genuinely kicked my feet after seeing that reblog, now this ask 🫠

A lil turn in convo, when it comes to writing, discouragement comes in so many forms: writer's block, lack of energy, overthinking, lack of feedback, nobody to talk to when it comes to the story, etc. I really truly wish that every story, even if people don't write their thoughts, it could pop up in our notes, even the smallest telling of an emotion they felt while reading. But anywho, you telling me about your support is the absolute sweetest thing ever, thank you, thank you so much.

I hope to return more feedback to your stories when the time comes 🤗 you take care of yourself as well, okay? I'll come out of nowhere and beat whoever's making your day miserable—you need to have a beautiful one. 🥰

As for my stories, it's actually only one but I made a 100 word story which is why I said two. But it was like a starter pack (I wrote it for a friend, like a little snippet of your story in I guess a different sense?) for the actual seasons story. However, since you're interested, dm me anytime whenever you're ready, and I'll send screenshots from my drafts 🥺🩷

[kyoriis]

HIGHSCHOOL AU ? ! ☆

featuring !! — luxiem.

synopsis !! — if the luxiem members were in school. like which type of students they would be lmao.

format !! — headcanons.

warnings !! — cursing. not proofread sorry :(

kyori's note !! — this has been sitting in my drafts for wayyy too long. anyways tysm for 100+ followers <3 !

VOX AKUMA ! ☆

two words : everyone's crush.

he's like those senior students yk? like the ones who are good at almost everything.

like they know their shit.

his locker is full of love letters too.

mr attractive here definitely has his way with words. ✧\(>o<)ﾉ✧

like he'll cover up for you with his smooth talking skills for sure.

i'd say he has never lost an argument.

he's not loud but he's not quite either.

but he's not fond of the student council, like they might as well have asked him a hundred times but he said : no <3

literally everyone would gush over him, even the teachers because of how well he performs.

his grades definitely are good. i'm talking about straight A's and B's.

his favorite subject is prolly chemistry smh. mf has a big brain.

but once you become close friends with him, oh boy he changes sfjshw-

only his close friends get to experience his goofiness lmfao.

he will make unsieso jokes for sure. and literally the next second he'll answer the question the teacher had asked. pog.

so basically : hot nerd but not really ???" ( he has def pulled some pranks on some teachers with mysta and always got away with it. )

IKE EVELAND ! ☆

pretty boy.

like literally, everyone calls him that.

he basically plays almost every instrument.ヽ(｡◕o◕｡)ﾉ

his favorite subject is either english or history.

has never skipped a single class. never.

prolly never dated anyone.

he won't talk to you unless you talk to him. ( i'm calling myself out- )

once you become close, he's still the same but definitely more talkative.

ike's definitely every teacher's favorite. no doubt.

he's not really a fan of attention.

obviously he gets amazing grades bestie, like straight A's. has never gotten a B in his life.

like he manages his time so well, like he gets good sleep and also submits everything before the deadline.

has never been late either.

younger students definitely look up to him.

however he hates biology with a burning passion. ( same. )

idk why but i feel like he dresses really nicely too. he wears very aesthetically pleasing outfits.

definitely in the student council.

he also tried to wear eyeliner once. and oh boy.

everyone fell in love with ike that day.

SHU YAMINO ! ☆

a certified nerd. in the best way possible ofc <3

he's good at everything. help.

he loves maths sm it hurts.

part of the student council too cause his parents forced him into it lmao.

only has like some close friends.

shu isn't the biggest fan of school events either. so he definitely has lied some ( multiple ) times that he's sick and can't make it.

says "ayyyyyy" unironically whenever he gets something right.

he has the weirdest sense of humor.

he drinks wayyy too much tea.

like literally shu please stop and drink some water ffs. Σ(ಠ_ಠ)

he likes art but sometimes ends up goofing off by drawing balls on the canvas. but like it's abstract so you wouldn't know it was intentional lmao.

and then when the art pieces are displayed he's trying his best no to laugh.

he submits his projects like the next day they were assigned. like mf you have an entire week. no need to pull an all nighter.

shu isn't really that popular. but people who know him call him a meme god because of his extensive knowledge on memes.

he has like 273989 hoodies istg.

LUCA KANESHIRO ! ☆

himbo. duh.

he's "that" jock yk?

people are simps for him. they're so down bad but luca is so innocent bro i can't.

he loves sports a lot. plays basketball, soccer, literally anything. you name it.

he's definitely a rich kid.

istg luca wears the most expensive colognes in existence.

also his fashion sense is immaculate.

he tries his best in other subjects but he's an average student.

like constant B's sometimes an A, he tries his best tho. ʕ ꈍᴥꈍʔ

the type of guy to help you when you can't reach anything.

he's really dense when it comes to romance as i've mentioned before.

"luca i love you !"

"awww i love you too" :)

obviously he uses pog wayyyy too much.

literal sunshine. the classes are gloomy without him.

idk he has this friendly ( golden retriever ) aura that just makes everyone love him. you can't hate him, it's impossible.

doesn't like maths. has skipped loads of math classes lmfao.

buys ppl lunch wayyy too often, like sir i know your rich but please. that money could've been spent on c6 kazuha vdjsj-

MYSTA RIAS ! ☆

he's wild. ofc he is, he's mysta snjskdk-

epic prankster. literally his brain is so big when it comes to pulling pranks it's kinda concerning ngl.

obviously all of that big brain energy shrinks when it comes to maths.

but he's a pretty average student too.

according to mysta "it shouldn't exist since calculators are a thing".

i feel like ppl don't realize he's actually about to graduate because of how he acts sometimes ( º _ º )

but he's surprising mature when it comes to group projects. like sir where's the screaming child that we all love?

man's got drip.

mysta the type of person to leave class the slowest and then miss out on lunch and be like "AYO WTF?!?"

he needs to stop chugging down literally every fucking energy drink.

so about the pranks i mentioned earlier, yeah he's never been caught.

he writes and doodles random ass stuff on his notebooks.

"hey mysta ! can i borrow your notes ?"

"sure !" :)

and then there will be a terribly drawn dog on the pages hyusjs-

it's cute tho <3

mysta fucking rias also needs to sleep because holy this bottom does not get a wink of sleep.

oh and yes, he sometimes listens to literally the most weird music in existence.

one time his earphones got unplugged and oh boy.

© KYORIIS 2022

[rosieblogstuff]

i am 👀 at if patti made better plots AU from your wip list

This one is also for @mspresstuff, who asked about the same WIP. Thanks for the asks, both of you! (I started answering this earlier in the first ask and then saved it as a draft but that screwed up the blockquote and when I decided to start over to get the formatting right I somehow also lost the ask? That'll teach me to try to be fancy with formatting, I guess.)

ANYWAY THIS IS A LONG ANSWER to sit tight.

I like Patti and I don't like Nikki, so I'm perpetually disappointed that Patti, not Nikki, turns out to be the bad guy. If Patti is going to be the bad guy, I want her to get her revenge on the right people. In canon, she gets the team disavowed in The Netherlands, presumably because she blames them for catching her. And yet.. she has to know them well enough to know that they would want to catch the mole, have the skills to do it, and turn her in when they did--because that's who she hired and what she trained them all to do. They were never going to let her get away with it. Blaming them for catching her is like blaming herself for teaching them how, and I feel like she’s more logical than that. Besides, she worked closely with her team and seemed to actually care about them as people--getting disavowed isn't the worst thing she could try to do to them, but it's a pretty nasty thing to do to people she likes.

So disavowing the team is getting revenge on the wrong people. She's (apparently, according to Jack) disillusioned with the system. She should be trying to burn down the intelligence community as a whole, or maybe Phoenix specifically, as her revenge.

So that's where this one is going, but I've only written the very beginning of what might be a very long thing, and it starts with a flashback.

January, 2012

The two files lay open on the desk between them, a spread of photos and reports that Patricia Thornton refuses to let distract her. She knows what they say. She read both files forwards and backwards five times before she even agreed to her boss’s little plan to just drop by Afghanistan.

The most recent notes and photos are her own, evidence to suppot the recommendation detailed in her final report.

She’d gone reluctantly, convinced her final report would rule out the possibility Oversight had placed on the table. 

There had been an awful lot in the files that should have ruled it out. It hadn’t seemed possible that either the traumatized 20-year-old kid with the stubborn look in his bright blue eyes and a broken 36-year-old career soldier would turn into possible hires. She needed genius, yes, and experience, yes. But she needed them in packages she could mold into some of the best, most reliable covert agents in the world. 

Unstable, that’s what she saw in the reports. Both of them. A young man with too much hurt in his life who had already thrown away an opportunity almost anyone would grab. A burnt-out former spook intent on becoming a statistic.

And yet.

“What made you think these two men would work together?” she asked. 

The man across from her leaned back in his chair and smiled. “So I was right.”

My "security clearance" WIP could be backstory for this, although I started writing that one a while before I came up with this.

(from this WIP ask game)

[intearsaboutrobots]

3, 4, 7 & 22 for the meta ask thing?

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

oh gosh... this isn't exactly right bc i am actually very excited by the set-up i came up w i am just not good on a Long Writing Project, but i have a very good crossover WIP for Lymond Chronicles/Legally Blonde The Musical lmaoo

the thing is it is actually VERY INTERESTING how those two canons interact, and i would love to actually write the novel length fic that this would be but i am notttt an experienced Long Thing writer!!! but i will put some of my fav snippets i wrote for it at the end under the cut :33

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

She tugged Daisy gently into her, settling her against her side. Daisy tried her best to relax, ordering her muscles to loosen. This should have been the easiest thing in the world, she and Basira should have fit together like puzzle pieces. They'd both changed too much thought, Basira growing sharp and dangerous, her angles digging into the places Daisy had been hurt.

this is from good sleep is hard to find, and i forgot how much i liked writing this dynamic ! what's more fun than two ppl who used to be incredibly close and now things have changed and they just. don't fit anymore.

7. What do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? Would others agree?

hmm i'm not sure if this counts but i write a lot of people suppressing reactions? not someone crying, but someone holding back tears or biting their tongue until they taste blood, yk? i'm not really sure if that's the right answer for this question tho

22. Do you reread your old works? How do you feel about them?

no aha not really... this isn't always true but for the things i didn't write in basically one sitting and put right onto ao3 and particularly for anything written on a deadline, by the time im posting it i have spent so much time editing it that i feel terrible and (esp if it was on a deadline) have possibly cried over it. so i post it and then never read it again ghslkdfhsf

(i am trying to write in a way where i don't end up feeling terrible tho ghslkdf it's a work in progress)

((also rereading old stuff for this meme has been very fun actually, it turns out i like my writing sometimes??? literally who knew))

brief context: the AU is that Lymond=Elle, Pippa=Emmett, and Margaraet=Callahan. because of the ages tho, lymond went to harvard to follow margaraet before pippa did, so he didn't have someone to help him get out from under her thumb. when pippa meets him, he's still stuck in a like, fucked up relationship w her where she is also his boss and absolutely wields that over him. also this is copied right from my drafts pls disregard typoes etc...

---

It was past midnight when Phillippa spotted Lymond's fair hair coming out of the building. Hopping off the ledge she'd been sitting on, she dashed to catch up with him. He turned when he heard her coming. His hair was in disarray, his shirt still partially unbuttoned.

"Ah, Somerville comma Phillippa," he drawled. "I don't know why I'm surprised, you found a piece of personal business to stick your nose into so where else should you be? Well, I'm afraid you've missed the boat on this one. My relationship to Margaret has been the subject of campus gossip since longer than you've been out of diapers. I've heard some remarkable suggestions on what exactly is going on under the *bench at trials."

"Stop it!" she snapped. "You won't turn me off that easily."

"Turn you off, I wouldn't dare. Besides, that isn't exactly my field, is it." Every word was spat out like a dart, aiming to hurt. By his side, his hands were fisted, and his lips were tight and drawn. Phillippa stepped closer, standing up to her full height to glare at him.

"Francis Crawford. You are my friend," she emphasised the word, stuffing any feelings to the contrary into a box, "and I do not stand by and let my friends be hurt."

His face became a cold mask. She has misjudged.

"Consider the burden of my well-being lifted from you, then. Disregard any friendship you might have thought we had, Ms. Somerville. Don't you have a job to get to? Floors to mop?"

He hissed the last words, and turned on his heel to storm off. Phillippa didn't follow, frozen with rage and embarrassment.

---

"We can fix it. We can fight it-"

"Don't you think," Lymond hissed, "I've tried that?" He was angrier, Pippa realised, than she'd ever seen him. His fists were curled, white-knuckled at his sides, and all the muscles in his body were taut and pulled tight. "Do you think I'm some sorry slut, eager to roll over for my mistress? I have been trying for years, Philippa. For years, to get the evidence to bring Margaret down. But who exactly would believe me over her?

"I know exactly how people see me. I'm not in denial as to my reputation, I know what people whisper. Half the rumors are probably true. But I'm not, I'm *not* giving up. I won't let her win."

Philippa matched his gaze, trying to hide the quivering inside of her.

"Let me help you, then. You don't have to do this on your own."

"For the love of-" Lymond spun, throwing up his hands. "I don't want you to see me with her. I am not proud of what I have to do. I don't want you to see me like that."

"It won't change the way I htink of you." Her voice gained strength as she went on. "You'll always be the arrogant, cutting, rude, brilliant, charismatic man who kicked me out of class on my first day. And I want to help you."

---

Lymond sat on the edge of the curb, coatless.

It was a chilly night. They were still in midSeptember, but the weather was ready for the cold and wind of later in the year. She unzipped her coat and shrugged it off.

"You'lre going to get hypothermia."Lymond looked at the coat dangling from her hand, then back up at Philippa. She shook it slightly impatiently.

"Don't worry about me, I am from here. You're a California boy, I'm sure you have a very delicate constitution."

"Thank you for your concern," he said dryly. He still hadn't taken the coat. Philippa gave up on any idea of him being sensible and settled it around his shoulders herself. This close, she could detect the minute trembling of his muscles. He was not dressed to be outside in this weather, and she felt a little worried for him.

"Do you need a ride? I... well, I don't have a car. But I could call you one."

Lymond looked up at her, eyes crinkling. "Your chivalry is unmatched, Miss Somerville. But unnecessary. I do not have need of knights in shining armour, or any other kind for that matter."

"You should be so lucky to have a dragon. At least they'd warm you up before you start losing digits."

It had been the right response, apparently, as a smile crossed Lymond's face that was warmer and more genuine than anything she'd seen from him before.

"Is that what you are then? A guardian dragon, here to make sure no frostbitten layabouts turn into icicles?"

From behind him, she heard a voice calling. He looked up, then back to her.

"I'm afraid my little tantrum had better be at an end." He held her coat out to her, but she shook her head.

"Keep it for the next time you decide to go stand outside in the middle of the night. In case the next dragon is not so full of fellow-feeling."

[nightswithkookmin]

RE JIKOOK IS ESTRANGED

Them

Me

Lol

JUMP CUT ALERT: This is a continuation of an ongoing discussion behind the scenes.

DISCLAIMERS:

Article 19, UN Universal Declaration of Human Rights: Every person has the right to freedom of opinion and expression which includes the freedom to hold an opinion without interference through any media.

Misinterpretation of my opinion, my words constitute a violation of my human rights. Please do not take my words out of context, share it on another platform in furtherance of your own agenda. If you do hold yourself accountable first. You are the author of your own intentions and interpretations.

I do not intend malice by my words nor do I seek to be disrespectful of any member mentioned in here. I simply enjoy mentally stimulating conversations and thought provoking discussions.

Let the records show.

MATTER OF THE DAY

Thanks to everyone that's shared your thoughts on this matter with me and thanks to that person that brought this matter to my attention.

I haven't looked into it and I don't know how severe this issue is.

I think people have the right to believe in anything they want to believe in. Personally, I don't think Santa is real but clearly others do, doesn't mean I'm sane or that they are crazy.

I don't think discussions of this nature should be about who is right or who is wrong. Everyone's opinion is valid and holds true to their own delusions. Lol.

Frankly, I prefer this kind of ship wars to the slurs and abuses and they are distributing hard core porn now?? What is going on! Chileee.

I have never believed JK and Tae to be anything more than friends. At one point, I wondered if they were even friends at all lol but since they admitted to having had a falling out themselves at one point the topic is now moot.

Tae and JK have- had- have a really special bond. To me anyways. I always saw them as the evil power twins of BTS due their ability to come together to wreck havoc especially on Bang PD's scripts. Lol. I think I have mentioned this a few times now.

I smiled to myself when I heard them call themselves partners in crime. The bond is there no two ways about it- you either appreciate it for what it is or you don't. personally I love their bond. Can't stand their shippers but I love their bond. They keep the drama going for me- love it. Lol

The question has always been whether their bond is as profound as their shippers make it seem. I argue it's not and I will always argue it is not. Lol

I think it's only fair that they also question whether Jikook's bond is as profound as we make it sound. I really can't be mad at that. All is fair in love and war- at the very least we can agree to disagree.

I mean even Jikookers themselves question the extent of JK and JM's bond. Some think they are just very special friends and nothing more. I think I talked about this in my is Jikook real post when I mentioned labels and the degree of love between JK and JM?

We know JK and JM have a unique bond. The question then is how far does that bond go. Is it just platonic, romantic or something in between?

This is the question I was aiming to answer with my is Jikook real post. My objective was to try and dismantle all the nuances that keep us from seeing the 'truth' about Jikook- that they are real. At least the way I see them.

I talked about unrealistic expectations we have of Jikook, false conditionings that often leads us to see Jikook as something more than they are- the amplified Jikook. We get used to highlight reels of Jikook's interactions in edits such that we feel there is something wrong with them when we see them in real time.

I mentioned that Jimin's nurturing nature often also estops people from reading more into his relationship with JK. He is nurturing of everyone, JK ain't special- they argue, just as this person is doing.

I talked about Jimin's Idol persona, the facade of the boy in love with JK- Jimin's role within BTS since debut and how that can equally blind us into thinking Jikook is something more or less than they really are. I have a post dedicated to this topic sitting in my drafts so I will not go into the details of it here. Please look forward to that.

But this person's post touches on another aspect of Jimin's personality that I feel is one of the things that often keeps us from seeing his relationship with JK for what it really is- his inclination for professionalism.

I keep saying this, several times now, that Jimin's Idol persona to me seems well developed, elaborate and very elusive.

I have mentioned a few times how I think during Jikook break ups that they keep it civil and professional for the sake of the team and that you might not even notice the difference especially if you place high value on their skinship.

The skinship would be there, the cordiality and civility would equally be there- except for moments when they are fighting, that gets bloody. Lol. They are best friends at the very least. It is why it's important to reevaluate the metrics we use to determine whether or not they are a couple.

I wish I could dialogue with this person to understand her assessment of Jikook and what she is using to determine whether or not Jikook are a couple and what makes her think Tae and JK are. Know what I mean?

What makes her think Jikook were a couple before 2017? What makes y'all think Jikook are a couple at all? I would like to hear from y'all- but come at me with the skinship bit and I'll block you deadass. Lol

So on this person's post, I think I agree with her assessment of JM's persona but I don't agree with the Jikook have been broken up since 2017. And I think I understand where this is coming from... I think some of us do. Yes they had a few fights that year especially leading up to Jimin's birthday- August was it? but we all know JK more than made up for it with the damn GCFs. Lol. kindly visit the timeline, peruse as many content as you can and form your own opinion on it. This is just mine.

Are Jikook Jikooking all the time? Absolutely not. They are human too. They fight, they make up, they break up they get back together, they have introverted, extroverted moments, they go up, they go down- have bad hair days, it's all part of their dynamics I'm afraid. From my point of view of course.

I feel some people notice these things too and when they sense Jikook aren't in a good place they bow out and Jump ship- I don't blame them. They are shippers not supporters. What Jikook need are supporters not shippers- or maybe both, do you.

Could this person be one such people? DNF shippers? Given up on Jikook before the end of their story? I don't know. May be.

Jikook is not a fantasy that you ship. It's a relationship that you support. You can't escape into them. They are an ongoing love story- chapters close, chapters open, you just have to ride it out till the very end.

I think the challenge of their post for me is whether or not Jikook is a performance. Her post leans into the whole Jikook is fanservice bull especially in light of the recent photoshoot video which some are using as evidence Jikook don't 'click' when the cameras are off- the lies they tell on Beyonce's internet!

I think I have speculated on this and shared my thoughts on this whole Jikook is fanservice bit. I will delve deeper into it in my next post on Jimin's idol persona but as I've already said, Jikook is fanservice is equally a misnomer.

Yes Jikook does fanservice sometimes, but they are not fanservice. Fanservice is the cover for their relationship. It's their glass ceiling- nothing to see here folks just two snakes under glass. Keep it pushing. (Sorry. Couldn't help myself. Lol)

But you do raise a valid question, what is Jikook like when the cameras are not filming?

Is the mood of Jikook in that footage the general mood of Jikook behind cameras as Tuktukkers are claiming? They barely interact, JM doesn't pay much attention to Kook, yadda yadda yadda?

And the part that gives me a complex, that JK only interacts with JM when they are the center of attention. Huh???????????

Sigh.

I feel caught between a rock and a hard place on this one.

The theory you pointed out in support of this assertion isn't mine and I think I made it clear I didn't share the same thoughts on it. I said it was valid nevertheless. Chilee, this is hard. Lol

Yes JK is an introvert, Jimin is an extrovert, JM doesn't live for JK, all that is true and some Jikookers have said that too- so when you ask, if this is who they are when the cameras are off does that mean what they do when the cameras turn on is fanservice-

I-👁👄👁

I don't know the thought process that went into that theory so I can't confidently defend it. I'll ask? Lol.

Personally, I'd like to know whether or not they see the tension in that footage as tension in the first place. Chileee I don't know.

I see it as tension. Not a very serious one though. So we'd have to agree to disagree on that one.

But the part I can argue, the part I agree with is Jikook aren't hyper super duper lovey dovey on each other all the time. They aren't cuddly all the time. They have their moments of quiet- Jimin seems like the more affectionate kind who'd rub all over JK in the comfort of their homes but still...

If you ask me though, I think Jikook are tamer on cameras than they are behind scenes. I always talk about the fear and panic in the members' eyes when they see Jikook gravitating towards each other- it's probably because they know the extent of Jikook's shenanigans. They know how worse it can be because they've seen it all.

And when JK panics sometimes when JM gets closer too you just know dude is scared perhaps because of his Mochi chick's devil may care shamelessly in love policies- Jimin wild. Bless him.

I did say also that Memories 2019 is equally eye opening. These were censored bits. BigHit was holding all of that and giving us crumbs- stingy mfs. Bless.

All that said, again I don't think Jikook are hyper lovey on eachother behind the scenes. Another part I diverge from that view is that this is not exactly off camera. It was just behind the scenes of a photoshoot. Something we've seen a countless times.

This is not BTS's first ever behind scenes photoshoot. It's just a different angle that's all.

They were working. They were at work. This wasn't an alone private space for them so they can't base on this to say Jikook don't interact when the cameras are off.

The cameras were rolling. We saw them interact, JM was interacting with everyone the way he always does on camera all the time except he wasn't interacting with JK the way he does all the time, grainy footage or not- I mean let's call a spade a spade and not a big fat spoon. Lol

As to why he was doing that- let's just say there are many schools of thoughts.

My thought as I've said is JM was freezing JK out. I think with anyone that's recognized and is familiar with Jikook fights, that mood is all too familiar as I mentioned earlier.

If JM was being courteous and not mad at his man then he would have kept it 'professional' and done the 'fanservice' bit with Jk as per usual just as this person is saying since the cameras were still rolling.

Jikook is not fanservice. They are real.

I have refrained from providing a detailed analysis of that '5 minutes' footage for reasons I will explain later when I do share my thoughts on that footage- eventually. Some day.

But my hypothesis remains the same that I think Jikook were fighting or had a minor issue. As to why they were fighting, chileee I don't know. The confirmation bias in me feel it had something to do with JM's birthday but honestly it could have been over anything at all- dumplings, microphones- we all saw that slap on stage, a certain Iphone notification perhaps, did JinMin make a secret VLive without Kook again? Lol

There are plethora of reasons, I can only speculate on a few. And I think we've all seen Jimin when he is not 'Jimining' with the others, JK included. Take his mood with Tae at GDA for example- since this is not a VMin post I won't go into it.

But it seems they squashed whatever beef they were having on stage when JM extended his hands to Tae and they shaked it out.

We've seen him and Suga bicker too- which again, I am not gonna to get into out of respect for their shippers but I can point you to the On comeback VLive early this year when Suga touched JM and JM mouthed Hajima to him- which I think had something to do with what was going on with him and JK at the time but that is besides the point. Every shipper for themselves.

I contrast his 'fights' with Suga and V to show you the difference between Jimin being professional and courteous and Jimin being rah rah. He was sat next to suga, talking and laughing with him but snapped the moment Suga held his back.

He did the same in the Dynamite MV Vlive, smiling and laughing with Suga but the moment JK teased him with the Yoonmin comment his countenance fell.

Jimin is not that good of an actor if you ask me. I have said he is very Kumbaya in nature, often makes compromises for the sake of the team but that don't mean he is a pushover or one to trifle with- he scares me when he is mad. Lmho.

The scene in that footage didn't look to me as that he was being nice and courteous to JK- is that y'all's definition of professional courtesy? Damn.

If they were having a lover's squabble then the 'icy' mood of Jikook we saw in that footage is not the general mood of Jikook when the camera's are turned off.

I have to state again that I don't know much of what goes on behind the cameras and most of the things we see sometimes are equally missing context.

That been said we have seen enough of Jikook 'behind cameras' and they are more intimate than we can imagine. A certain cozy selfie at the back of an abandoned truck comes to mind. Whatever they were doing at the back of the track wasn't intended for the cameras judging from JK's reaction.

We've had glimpses of Jikook when they are not the center of attention enough to have a fair idea of what they are when cameras are off and I don't think it is that mood we saw in that footage.

We saw them at Jingle ball bell, towards the end of 2019. We saw them in their own space doing what they do best- making us feel single as fuck. Bless them.

We've seen them at awards, we've seen JK eating Jimin's ear nom nom to calm him down- like I would have just bought him icecream to calm down his nerves or rubbed his back but whatever JK. He is your man; you know him best. Good for him. Good for both of you. Now come back and feed us.

And the bit about JK only laughing with JM when he noticed he was on the Bangtan Bomb cameras in that footage- now that's nasty below the belts phony ass ass! I felt that one straight in my chest, shit. Lol

Dude was in a doghouse it seemed and I noticed them stealing glances at each other and.... sigh.

I just think JK was looking for an opening to warm his way back into JM's good graces- it's really nothing we haven't seen before.... sigh.

This is 2020 that narrative of JK hates Jimin, JK doesn't like JM needs to stop. It's dead. Pack it up. Chileee, y'all tried it with this one.

Jk is nice to JM only when the cameras are on him? Nice try.

JK is so fake and fraudulent he glared RM down till he stepped away from Jimin- again, in the very same photoshoot footage y'all swear to God is proof Jikook is not real.

Find it. RM stood next to JM. Looks up see's something- or someone. Does his tell- the hand to head thingy he does when JK glares at him over Jimin. He backs away inches from JM.

Cut to JK. Dudes a mood. Jin bumps into him, stares at him but JK wouldn't even look at him and then deadass looks away grumpyly- talk of professionalism. You doing great swidy keep going!

You can hide a relationship, fake it on God but you can never hide the intimacy. Taekook just lack that intimacy, I'm sorry. Even in that 'estranged' moment Jikook's intimacy was still there-

Even in whatever mood JK was in- which again, I believe was just due to their lover's squabble- JK still was claiming his man and exercising his right of authority over him. That's how you know they are not broken up. In my opinion. Chileee. I'm gonna get in trouble. Deep sigh.

Y'all think JK was hovering over Jimin because he was preparing to strike him down like a censored censored censored? Yea, he was preparing to strike alright- All the corners of Jimin's heart. Y'all better stop before I find you. Lol

I said I wasn't going to analyze the footage in this post but damn. This man out here serving us all kinds of brooding assorted jeonlous as his man takes a time out or two to wiggle wiggle wiggle on him Malfroy style and y'all are out here peddling nonsense. Strike one.

He was a mood alright. Did y'all see Tae rubbing his chest, arms and legs, ears did y'all see any body else in there doing that for him? Y'all's falcon cannot hear his falconer give it up and sorry, Jikook can't relate.

As I've posited, JM I feel was mad as hell for whatever reason and wasn't in the space to be that person JK needed him to be- in that moment. Doesn't mean they are like that behind scenes all the time.

And before I get attacked again for causing drama, being toxic etc by Jikookers understand that I am just a delusional person shipping these two in a way that makes sense to me. Write me off as delulu, and go please.

Whatever ambiguity surrounds that moment, to me, Jin and RM's reaction to JK clarifies things a bit. Jikook were boiling hot. JK was still keeping an eye on his man. Lol. Bless them. That's my conclusion. I'm running miles with that. Catch me. Lol

Feel free to come up with your own theory in a way that makes sense to you.

I'm not sure how long that fight lasted but from the rain day incident I'm hoping it wasn't that long. Jikook are fine I believe- I hope. Judging from the way JM drew JK out in his VLive with the whole I miss JK comment? Did that not sound familiar to y'all? And that Mickey mouse thingy- JM ain't slick. Bless him.

JM is the perched akekeke whisperer whispering all kinds of things in JK's ear, feeding JK news of what goes on on social media and what not. Dude don told his man they won a BB on his birthday, told his man Jin wasn't happy he chose his bag over his- definitely told his man Army was missing him- what? I'm going with that too sue me. Lol

Did you or did you not see Jk coming out to do a live log afterwards? And JK seemed less grumpy, in very high spirits? Wedding bells- I'm manifesting it for JK. Manifest with me.

Remember when JM did a log and talked nonsense about JK, and JK did a rebuttal log to respond to JM and address some of the things JM had said about him? Remember that? It's a jikook thing and it's back😌

I have said JM uses social media to connect with Army while JK uses it as an outlet to express himself. Through out his Live he kept talking about how he wasn't prepared to do a live and it shows in the way he kept saying it was awkward, he just kept it business and didn't know what else to share... I wonder who put his paws on him, dragged his ass to turn on the camera because Armys had asked of him- a certain quick tempered chick who dragged his man out on social media to do the whole Chuseok greetings 2020 on Twitter perhaps?

And JK is so whipped he'd do just about all the hoops to appease his man- Jikook AU written by Goldy. High five. No but seriously...

Behind the scenes, JK sneaks into JM's bed at night- Taekook does it too? Please! The look on JM's face when RM spilled that tea is enough said.

There's only two people in BTS that panic and don't want us to know they lay one on God in bed and it's not Tae Kook.

JK: Jimin hyung and I will sleep here

JM: how about we let the others choose first

Everyone shares a room:

Footage:🦄🍲🐯🧀🐺🍟🐓🥛🐑🛏

JIKOOK share a room:

Footage: 🚪👀

Behind the cameras Jikook sneak into each others bed- camera caught them live. You saw JM's face, I can't make this shit up. Lol

Behind the scenes, Jikook do laundry at 1am. *insert JM pervy face meme.

Chileee, y'all making me trip with this one. Deep breaths.

Jikook have their moments. This was one of them. Can they be human? Please. Thank you.

At this point, these folks are not even shippers. They is shoppers shopping a man for their bias. Lol. Just admit y'all want Jeon thick thighs strong butt for your bias and go. Just admit you want some tall glass of Tiger charming face husky voice strong chest for your bunny and go. Lmho

Chilee, when we say Tae and Kook had a falling out we don't mean they freeze eachother out behind cameras. Hell, we don't even mean they fake their bond or interactions. C'mon! Tae and JK admitted they are not lovers and y'all is bitter. That's why y'all is making up this nonsense about Jikook. Speak the truth and shame the devil. Peter would be proud.

When we say Tae Kook is not real, We just mean JM spends JK's birthday with him while every one including Tae is out there cruising for Jesus with friends. We just mean Jikook claim eachother even when they beefing. That ship beefed and didn't even know they was beefing and they are real? Damn.

We just mean Jikook make efforts for each other even when they are having bad days- Had it not been for Jimin they'd still be gnashing on these cold streets. Place some respect on his name, y'all's ungrateful. Lol

Tae and JK don't want each other they both want Jimin- there. I said it.

Thanks for attending my Tedtalk. 👁👄👁

Now where was I? Never mind. I'm just gonna go burn some sage. There's too much negativity going on around. Hakuna matata!

There is nothing wrong with Taekook as a ship. Personally, I'm a multishipper I ship all the ships but I support Kookmin. I don't mind their shippers calling them whatever, but my eyes twitch when people who claim they support Jikook act wishy washy with Jikook. Lol. Like are you going to withdraw your support of Kookmin if JK sits on Tae's lap?👀 Yall make me nervous. How can you think Jikook is real but then look at Taekook and go huh??? What are y'all seeing that I can't see?

Like those are two completely different dynamics. It's the skinship isn't it? Talk to me. Jikookers who see something nonplatonic in Taekook honestly give me trust issues. Y'all have me out here looking over my shoulders.

I am delusional but I'm confident in my delusions because to me it is about the love and support for JM and JK as LGBTQ plus couples. Please stop shipping Jikook, stop shopping JK and JM for eachother and start supporting them because they are real.

IN MY OPINION.

Signed,

GOLDY

[angelsswirl]

Petrichor

Five

"Life's too short to even care at all. I'm losing my mind, losing my mind, losing my mind. Losing control."

"Boy, do I wish I had your problems. You have two eligible, successful, and hot alphas fawning over you, and you think that's a dilemma?" Lisa laid down on the blanket carefully. A sliver of the bottom of her stomach poking out from her (actually it is clearly Jennie's) shirt.

You incessantly shook your head. Your hair waved ever so slightly in the draft it created. It's a much welcome reprieve from the heat of Central Park. 

The blanket is placed on a neat patch of grass under a large tree. The large tree that the two of you had sat under many a time during undergrad. This is where you would come when being an adult got to be a little too much and you needed to get away and decompress.

And now, that seemed to be just the case for you. How did Lisa not see the distress this had put you under? It was a curse, not a blessing. 

Though, you put yourself into this mess supposedly and you were going to get yourself out. Somehow. Someway.

"I'm going to have to decide. Preferably, before they find out about each other."

But that was proving to be much more of a herculean feat than you were expecting.

Last night, or well, this morning had been a close call. You weren't really thinking when you had left Rosé's. Just that Lia needed you, and maybe that was the omega in you operating more than anything. The overwhelming urge to nurture, and care for, and fix, and mend, clawing to get out.

"Yeah, maybe leaving one to go rush to the other just after fucking wasn't your best moment, but what's done is done." Lisa shrugged or did the best she could while laying on her side.

"But, I feel so bad. You didn't see the way she looked at me. Or didn't look at me. She looked so betrayed. She practically kicked me out. I felt like a whore." 

"Hey! I know some pretty cool whores. Don't talk about my friends in that negative tone of voice."

You rolled your eyes, "I cannot stand you, you know that?"

Lisa only shrugged again and brushed her bangs out of her eyes.

"How do you know Jisoo anyway?"

"She didn't tell you? Jennie's best friend is her kid's mom."

Your nose scrunched up, "Jihyo is Lia mom? I knew I didn't like that chick for a reason!"

"Yep! That's why Jennie dislikes her."

"She hates Jisoo for taking care of the kid her best friend dumped on her?"

"No, she hates that Jisoo got her pregnant in the first place."

"But Jihyo abandoned the kid?"

"I never said Jennie was logical, besides Jennie hasn't talked to Jihyo in years. Probably stopped around the time Lia was born."

You shook her head, "You married an idiot."

"Yeah, but she's hot and her dic-"

"If Jennie hates Jisoo so much, why did she invite her to the party?"

"Hate is a strong word, she doesn't hate her really. Just a very strong dislike. But she didn't invite her, I did. Because I like Jisoo. She's funny. And single. And you're single and you like to laugh. And I was trying to set you up okay! But you fucked it up by being a damn alpha magnet." Lisa began to pout dramatically.

"Yeah, well your facts are wrong anyway. Jisoo is not funny." You frowned petulantly.

Lisa rolled her eyes harshly, "You're petty. Anyway, how's your mom?"

You sighed heavily, thinking back to the last conversation you had with your mother a few days prior, "She's not worse. But she isn't better either. They think it's her kidneys. She goes in for a few more tests in two weeks."

Lisa leaned up to place a comforting hand on your thigh, "She'll be okay." 

You only nodded.

"Something's been bothering me, though," Lisa said after a bout of comfortable silence.

"What?" You continued to stare at the expanse of green grass in front of you.

"You smell different." Lisa looked a bit concerned, which didn't serve to make you feel any better, "Not like in a bad way. You remember back in college after Jennie's and I's first date?"

You nodded. You remembered it vividly, if only because you were was bored out of your mind and lonely, waiting for Lisa to come back. You had really needed to make new friends.

"When I got back you said I smelled different. Then we later found out it was because Jennie imprinted on me." Lisa paused, waiting for you to fill in her blanks.

"You know I'm slow, Lali. You're going to have to tell me."

Lisa rolled her eyes, "I think one of those knotheads imprinted on you!"

"Well, which one? And what does that even really mean?" This was beginning to feel all so new. You felt like an amateur surrounded by a bunch of professionals.

"It doesn't really work like that, Y/N/N. Whoever did it probably knows they did it by now. But, it's not a conscious thing. It just happens. They kind of realize they did it over time. It means she chose you. You're kind of it for her. You're probably going to start feeling a bit weird in the next few days. Imprinting forms little fledgling bonds, and whatever super intense emotion they feel, you're going to feel it too."

"That makes all of this a hundred times worse! I'm just going to have someone else's emotions in my head, and I won't even know whose they are. What if I pick the wrong one?"

"Yeah, maybe you were right. This doesn't sound that cool anymore, but if it makes you feel better, you, Y/N Y/L/N, have never made a bad decision in your entire life. You're smart, you're thoughtful, and I have the utmost confidence that you will do what's right for you." Lisa rubbed your back.

"Besides, I think the answer might be as simple as who you miss the most right now."

"I don't miss either of them. I just saw them."

"Your knees pulled into your chest and the rocking back and forth say something entirely different."

You looked down at your position. You scowled before slowly unfolding yourself.

"I was sitting like that because Jisoo made me sad."

The corner of Lisa's mouth hitched up, "I'm sure that's part of the reason."

"You're insufferable."

Lisa only laughed.

"Anyway, enough about my Twilight love triangle. How are you and my niece?" You finally turned so you were actually facing Lisa. 

"Your nephew and I are doing just fine."

You squealed loudly, "It's a boy?!"

"We found out yesterday." Lisa smiled softly.

"Oh my God! I'm going to buy him so many pink things! You can name him after me!"

"That's not-"

"I can see it now. Y/N Jesse Kim and his entirely pink wardrobe." You stood up quickly. The blanket crumpled under your feet, causing Lisa to frown. She had spent like twenty exhausting minutes trying to get it spread completely flat.

"How'd you know his middle name would be Jesse?"

"Because I've met your wife."

Lisa chuckled loudly, "Why do you hate her so much?"

"Hate is a strong word. I don't hate Jennie really. Just a very strong dislike." You deadpanned.

"If I wasn't 5 months pregnant I'd kick your ass."

You shook your head in disbelief, "5 months, wow. I'm surprised Jennie let you out of her sight."

"She didn't. She's sitting right there." Lisa pointed to a bench about 30 feet away from them. Sure enough, there she sat. Patiently waiting for the two to finish talking. She idly kicked an old soccer ball between her feet. She waved excitedly when she noticed them staring. Lisa rolled her eyes and waved back.

"Some days I think about hiring a hitman. But then she says something stupid and I remember I'm in love with her. I brought this on myself." 

Jennie began to attempt to juggle the ball at her feet to impress the two of you. She failed miserably.

Lisa and you try not to laugh. You also fail miserably. Jennie pouted on the bench.

"I missed this. I missed you." You nudged the other omega with your sandal. 

"Don't get all sappy on me now. We were just making fun of my wife!"

"I'm being serious!"

"I know. I missed you too. You know you can call if you want to talk. It doesn't even have to be important. Jennie has me on house arrest, so I'm bored out of my mind. Please call me. I'm begging." Your lip trembled, then you (softly) lunged at your best friend. Lisa hugged you back with a smile.

Jennie growled somewhere in the distance.

"I will literally kick that ball at your head, Jennie! And I won't miss like you just did!" You yelled at the alpha.

Jennie stopped growling.

"Oh! Forgot to ask. How big is Rosé?"

"I don't -very-know what you're talking about," You smirked slyly.

Lisa gave you a discreet fist bump.

[momo-de-avis]

Do you have any writing tips for someone that is definitely not a writer but wants to be better at writing anyway? That might be too vague so I'll say this, I have a lot of trouble getting an idea that isn't either something really small that doesn't make a narrative or something gigantic and complicated that I dont have the will to take on. No middle sliders in my life.

You have an issue my boyfriend has, he has great ideas but either believes they’re just something too small for a long narrative or so long and complex he doesn’t know how to plot them.

I can’t tell you what the right way is, because everyone is different of course, but I think there’s two ways you can go about it to try and figure out which might help you best.

First of all, take notes on every idea you have. I’m serious. However small it seems, just write it down. Even if it’s something as trivial as ‘man eats an apple while staring at a tree’, whatever. I find that, when something really tiny like that pops into my head with that thing of ‘dang, I need to write this’ but it just seems way too trivial for me to care, it’s because of how I’m visualizing it. I’ll tell you this, this one time I was having a cup of coffee near the library after a break and I saw this woman in the gardens looking at a tree, and that’s what gripped me in that moment. It was really stupid, but the thing I saw was what made me explore that for some reason. I thought she looked sad, I don’t know why, it just looked really sad, and it looked like that sad woman just casually looked up at a cypress tree like she wanted to see something pretty on a shitty day. Later on, must have been years, I was trying to write a scene where a character was supposed to compose a text for school about why she mattered and the only thing that came to mind was that woman looking up at that tree. I’m telling you this because the littlest thing can really help. If you get that unexpected pang of ‘damn, this is cool’ or ‘wow, this is really pretty’, take the chance to write down the what and why at least. Because you never know! 

Now, as for development, there’s two ways to go about it that might help you. You can explore the character-driven side of narrative, or the plot-driven. These are, I’ll be honest, two things I have a hard time distinguishing but I mostly follow character-driven.

Plot-driven stuff generally has people planning beforehand (hence why I suck at it lmao). Some people follow the 3 Act structure, or other ways to go about it with planning (this is a good place to check out a few). As the name says, the plot is the star. There is a narrative you want to develop. There’s a central plot with probably very little sub-plots, but that one plot is the main goal. Most likely, one protagonist or two, both with goals that they will achieve or not at the end.

Character-driven, though... the characters make the story. It’s really hard to explain, so I’ll explain how I do it. I essentially have to have the characters very well established. Who they are, psychologically. Once I know them, I let the story flow naturally.

This has helped me a lot because most of the times I have a premise, not a plot, and on my first draft (not even a first draft, more like preliminary exercise lmao), I just try that approach to try and understand who these characters are or what I want them to be, so that they can move the story. Eventually, what happens is I have the inciting incident settled, the lowpoint as well or just something in the middle that is a plot device, and the ending established, but as I progress, since I know the characters, new things emerge like, completely new conflicts and reactions that just occur to me as I progress. But this is my method, it’s how I work.

For me, personally, sitting down just TRYING to find a plot, or an extra for the already existing plot, is tiresome and it drains me. So I just go ahead and do something and see where it goes. I follow the character instead of the plot (ask stuff like “what would she do if a stranger bumped into her on the subway, what should do if she witnessed this or that, what would she say if someone asked her this and that”, and go from there).

Another thing is: find your voice. I mean mostly style. I find that most of the times people struggle with this because they are struggling with finding their style, because once you get your voice established it might become easier in developing your story. For example, I always loved bullshitting my way through stuff if it involves words lmao, and when it came to creating long stories, I had an issue with planning. I remember at school my teachers would have us write a detailed plan of our story before the actual story, and we were forced to turn them both in for grading, which fucking sucked, because I don’t plan.

Then I read Virginia Woolf and learned about this neat little thing called ‘stream of consciousness’ and thought, fuck you, 9th grade teacher. Stream of consciousness is essentially a style where the author focuses on one small detail, seemingly trivial, and then develops an entire fluid string of throughs that interconnect with each other however contrasting they are (why the sentence “Mrs. Dalloway thought she’d buy the flowers herself” is so remarkable, because for the WHOLE BOOK, Woolf debates about many things, seldom being flowers. Hell, one of my favourite short stories is her meditating on a fly that lands on a bowl of milk).

So what I learned with this was: bullshitting your way out of purple prose has an academic word for it! Great! This also validated a lot my lack of planning, meaning that every time I drivelled instead of following a step-by-step plot I was actually building something worth a damn, because that exercise of developing a string of thoughts that are born from one shitty thing is something that can happen inside a novel. 

So you see, finding my style, in this case, helped me find my voice and it became very easy ever since to juggle my methods with my ideas. This is my experience, of course, and it’s worth what it’s worth, but this little thing is what helped me establish that, I might have an idea, but if I let it flow, it might grow into something.

Of course, there’s that last advice: read more, watch more TV shows and movies within the genre you’d like to explore, etc etc, but I think it always goes without saying.

And one more thing: no story, for me, is too small or too long. It has its own natural length. Sometimes, we have ideas that are naturally shorter. It just means they’re short stories, or novellas, or novelettes. When my boyfriend told me he had that same problem -- that he had ideas he just didn’t know how to develop into full books -- I told him: then they’re short stories. And that’s fantastic. 

The thing is, being a writer isn’t like something immutable, you’re not the same always, you know, you’re not always in this place, with this style, writing about this thing. You keep changing, keep finding new voices, keep exploring new angles, just continuously growing, as with any other artistic field. So maybe right now, those might be short stories, but who knows in the future? 

I was reading American Gods and Neil Gaiman apparently republished it a second time, a much longer version his former editor had told him to cut down, and at the beginning he quotes Stephen King on why he did it: cause there were small bits in it, sub-plots if you will, editors are keen on thinking they don’t add to the main plot, but they build the story as a whole, paint the colours needed for the setting, the ambience, the narrative outside the main plot, and both authors felt their concepts, their ideas, weren’t complete without them.

My first advice when someone has an idea is always this: write it down, however it is, with whatever you have. It might be one paragraph. It might be 400 pages. Whatever you have, it’s just a first draft, and the goal of a first draft is getting it down on paper, not turning it into the finished work. It’s the first step.

And if it’s gigantic? Make it gigantic. This is Miss Only Writes Gigantic Shit speaking. I mean monstrous. Especially first and second and even like, third and fourth draft (man I have a lot of drafts), it’s so brutally long I seriously have to take a step back and think “bitch, slow down”. Eventually, I chop down stuff. Scenes that don’t add anything, repeated stuff, scenes that establish what is already established -- just stuff that misses the eye. 

Just to say, let the story have its natural rhythm in the beginning stages. Writing is like baking, as I say: you need to set it aside and let it settle for a while, and then when you come back to it with a clear head, you’ll be able to compose it better. Eventually, it drives you down misery road and actually have to do the dreadful thing of leaving stuff out -- it’s sad, I won’t deny, looking at this one character and saying “goodbye, you were a good one, but I have to put you into the Unused Character Pile, maybe one day you’ll find your light, but not today, and I’m so sorry, but where you are right now, you’re useless lmao”. It’s a step that comes eventually, but it’s not needed in the early stages.

But in the end, it all comes down to motivation, I think. So first and foremost, I would say... find your motivation to write whatever you have. You could read more into the genre you’re thinking of, or you could try and write small vignettes of the story you have in mind (just pick a scene and try writing it down, just to see). You could try a challenge of sorts, like picking up a concept, a word, a sentence, and try developing it. Create a habit too -- don’t mind that “write every day” stuff, do it whenever you feel like it, whenever you get that tingle of ‘damn I feel like writing’, just answer that call. And always believe in your ideas, and I say this because I find that a lot of lack of motivation comes from ‘my idea sucks’ or ‘it’s been done before’. Your ideas are yours alone, so explore them as much as you can.

I used to have a website saved that I lost and this is the closest thing to it I found, but try this out for like a first plot, or just to generally get an outline of your idea. It has HELPED ME TREMENDOUSLY when I have a new idea that just makes me think “Great! now what the fuck do I do with it?”

I hope this helped, anon!! And sweet, sweet writing, my friend!

[aroworlds]

Sorry that this isn't aro-related, and you have every right not to answer it because of that, but do you have any advice for getting over 'I suck at writing' days?

Oh, anon, you mean like every day ofmy life? Seriously, I’m an insecure, anxious, depressed, avoidant, perfectionisticcreative, so I’m operating in an eternal state of “I suck at writing”irrespective of reality–and the thing here is that reality is irrelevant.I have a full host of lying brain demons that are trying with enthusiasm tokeep me from writing!

My first recommendation is to tryand get your head into the best space you can. If it means medication ortherapy, pursue it as much as is possible. If there’s a diagnosis you’repondering, follow it up. Followers on this blog are seeing me as a person whodoes things, but that’s been a recent change: I’ve been able to publish storiesover the last nine months because I got a good psychiatrist and a medicationchange. Before that, I spent about eighteen months where it was all I could doto post the odd chapter or blog post, and before that I spent a yearposting nothing because I was having severe, disabling panic attacks over just randomblog posts. It’s taken me three and a half years to get from complete collapseto the me of today, and I’m still struggling to do so many things.

Most of us who deeply struggle withcreative output from anxiety or insecurity have reasons. Maybe we don’t yetrecognise our illnesses or history, or maybe we tell ourselves that they’re tooinsignificant to stifle us the way they do, but that’s another set of lies. Wehave reasons that are so strong they’re stopping us from creating, and themore we can name and acknowledge these reasons, the better off we’ll be. Get to know the lying demonsinside your brain if you’re not already acquainted with them, because they might be more severe than is normal. Mine were.

My second recommendation might lookdisheartening, so hold with me. Those lying brain demons aren’t going away. They will always make things difficult. Writing for me, in terms of belief andself-confidence, is never going to get easier enough that it feels easy.I can now force my arse to sit on that chair more often, but I don’t workwithout constant periodic panic attacks, avoidance behaviours and suicidalideation. I just don’t.

As creatives and as writers, we’re supposedto say profound things that come from our being vulnerable while hiding ourfears and uncertainties about it, and that impossible dichotomy silences us. Fearand insecurity and self-hate and anxiety as part of being creative is sonormal, anon, and it damages us that this normal thing is still sounvoiced. It’s not about making the demons go away, because they’re never goingto leave. Medication might soften their voices if they’re extremely loud, and therapy might make them alittle easier to work with, but they’re always going to be there, and that’s normal. This sounds soheartless, but once you look the lying brain demons in the eyes and acceptthat they’re not going anywhere, it’s so much easier to work despite them. Because this is a normal part of beingcreative.

The thing that has always kept megoing is a sense of why. In my writing course, I had everyonetelling me that I was so lucky (as an openly queer, trans person) because Iknew what I was writing and why. When I had teachers telling me there was noway they could remember my pronouns, I wasn’t feeling so lucky, but there isa real strength to marginalisation in the motivation it provides. Knowing I amautistic and aromantic has been amazing in terms of motivation, becauseI can look at the lack of media and see the need to fill that hole, however imperfectlyI might do it.

Every creative has something profoundto offer, every single one, and you’re all necessary to the creative canon weare building. I also know that all creativity is imperfect. But it is easier, speakingas a raging perfectionist, for me to accept my work as imperfect when Ican identify a strong need for its existence. I will tell someone else that isokay to create imperfectly, and I believe it without hesitation for anyone butme. My own creative worth is evaluated on a much crueller scale, though, so I latch onto the need. It will be better if I can learn to bekinder to myself, but in themeantime I am writing because I see a sense of my work’s worth that isoutside the binary of imperfect/perfect. This feels more honest to me than self-esteem-relatedreassurances that my lying brain demons file away as nonsense.

Anon, if you can, I’d try to answerthese questions:

What stories do I want to tell?

What genres do I enjoy writing orwish to write?

How often do I feel myself to beincluded in narrative?

How often do I feel myself to becentred and celebrated in narrative?

How often do I feel myself to beincluded, centred and/or celebrated in narratives of my chosen genres?

Which experiences/identities I wishto include in my stories?

Which experiences do I never see instories about my identities?

Which experiences do I wish to seewritten differently in stories about my identities?

Which kinds of characters do I wishto include in my stories?

Which kinds of characters do I neversee in stories about my identities?

Which kinds of characters do I wishto see written differently in stories about my identities?

Which experiences/identities do Ihave that I never see written together in the one character?

Which experiences/identities do Ihave that could be better written together in the one character?

How many times do I see multiplecharacters of my identities together in the same story?

How many times do I see storiesabout characters like me that are all about my identities?

How many times do I see storiesabout characters like me that are hardly about my identities?

How many times do I see storiesabout characters like me that are written by creators of thoseexperiences/identities?

What ideas do I have that I neversee in narratives about me?

What ideas do I have that I see innarratives about me that can be further pushed or explored?

This is about getting to know whoyou are, what you want to write, why you want to write and where your writingfits in the creative canon, so you too can go here’s the irrefutableevidence for why I must do this, as imperfect as my words are.

In terms of structuring how you goabout your writing and how you look at it, I do have a few tricks for that,too.

The first is routine or regularity. Setaside a certain time each day and make that your writing time. If you’re likeme and suck at routines, forcing yourself to write something each day stillworks. The more you write, the easier it is to write: discipline does slightly lessenthe hate and panic over time. It takes a long time to develop, but it does happen, even with a squirrellyautistic mind like mine. Additionally, writing begets writing in the same waycreativity begets creativity. The more you do of it, the more often it’llnaturally flow for you, and when the writing flows, when I’m in the zone, I’m so much less focused onjudging it. You can make the zonehappen more frequently by writing regularly.

If you only manage one sentence ortwo words, that still counts. You sat down, you thought about writing, you didsomething. This still builds the habit. Anythingcounts.

The second is giving yourself spaceto switch projects. I’m working on a hundred things at once, which has itsdrawbacks in getting things done, but the benefit is that if I think one storyis abominable, I move to another project. Blog post, another short storyor serial chapter, cover design in Photoshop, editing the novel I’ve beenworking on for five years, sewing. It’s better if it’s another writing orwriting-related piece, but any kind of creative activity works. Cook. Draw.Just take your hate away and make something else.

By shifting to another writingproject, I’m teaching my brain the habit of responding to hate and insecurityby writing anyway, but I’m working on something I’m regarding more positivelyas opposed to forcing myself to handle the piece that is stressing me. I’vealways been able to come back to the thing that triggered me later when I’ve workedon something else long enough to calm, collect and distract myself. Anycreative activity, though, still sets up a response of positive creation inresponse to hate, which forms a habit over time—and it becomes easier toredirect my thoughts away from my writingis terrible I don’t deserve to live to creative output.

Please know that thisis a long-term process. It’s taken me a few years to really get a handle onthis, and for a long time I was only able to manage non-writing creative thingsin response to hate cycles/triggers. But it has gotten me to a point where I can morereliably write, sometimes even on the work that triggered me, after my brain hasstarted digging a my writing is worthlessand why do I even bother hole.

The third is acknowledging all theways in which my work is supposed to be awful. For one, my older pieces are supposed to make me cringe, because thatmeans I’m learning and growing, so older pieces aren’t any useful metric of mycreative worth. For another, my firstdrafts are supposed to be awful. Following drafts are about taking thatnonsense and giving it meaning, but I’ve got to have something to work with,and so these are also not a metric of my creative worth. I respond much better tothis than “my writing isn’t terrible, actually” affirmations. Permission tosuck gives my brain demons less fuel for the fight.

Lastly, redrafting and editing canhelp, but I think this is a redirection best for when you’ve got a bit ofpractice in turning from self-hate to another expression of creativity, soconsider this a 102 level trick. If you’re too far into hating your work, redraftingand editing—which points out so many flaws—can make you hate your work evenmore. However, redrafting and editing, improving my work, can give mereassurance that I can take something that seems so awful in the first draftand make it more readable, that it doesn’t have to be perfect the first timearound. I can often come awayfeeling good about a piece that mildly provoked my hate for my work just by editing it. Thisis also another creative response to hate, too!

Anon, I wish I had a way to makethose lying brain demons go away, because everything I’ve said here is hard.I will stress, though, that your creativity is valuable, your words are needed,and things like punctuation or grammar or style or word-choice are not theworth of your storytelling. You don’t need to be polished and perfect to beloved by your audience. You’ve just got to tell a story that is as real to youas you can make it. Your message is what matters. Everything elseis irrelevant. Everything. Even if you can’t disbelieve your lying braindemons, like me, recognising them for what they are helps.

Lastly, I’ll say this: you’re goingto have days when the demons win. Those lying bastards will win, and they’llwin a lot more than is good for you. That’sokay. Sometimes we can try everything above and we still can’t work pastthe doubt and the hate. Sometimes we write one sentence and that’s it. Sometimes we surrender entirely,curl up in bed and watch a movie, because we’re human and that’s all we can do,and that’s okay. If you try again,the next day or the next week or even the next month, that’s all that matters. Yoda’sadvice might work for Luke, but when you can’t actually do, please just try: trying builds the habit.Trying and failing gets you further than not trying at all.

Permission to fail and permission tokeep trying is what keeps me going. It doesn’t move me as fast as I think Ishould be, but it does get words on thepage. And that’s the only thing that matters.

[peaky-shelby]

On my way || John Shelby

Request: "Hi can you do #16 w/ John for the prompt thingy? Thank you!" by @buckythetinman

Prompt: take this in consideration, I don't give a fuck. [ request prompts from here ]

Words: 811

Warnings: cursing but what's new?

You swear you heard him stumble on his feet while he was running to you. You were sitting with your back on the door and Ada was sitting across you cleaning your wounds on your hands. She looked up when she heard the sound of someone falling and shook her head "I live among animals„ she mumbled to herself, proving that you were correct about john falling. You also heard Arthur chuckling which only made you even more sure that he had fallen. You couldn't help but laugh although it hurt your lungs when you did. Then you heard him get in the room and although you couldn't see him you could bet how worried he must have looked.

“What the fuck happened?!„

“Calm down john, she's alright! You boys think that you're the only ones who can take a punch or two?„ said the Shelby sister cleaning a little blood that was left on your face.

“Don't tell me what to fucking do Ada!„ he shouted at her and finally got in front of you. He pushed Ada's hand of you so he could stand in between you two and kneeled so he could be in the same height as yours.

“Are you ok?„ he asked, his voice lower. Your predictions were correct he had piss himself after learning what happened. His eyes were red like they always were when he was too worried and his was even more pale than usual.

“I'm alright„ you repeated Ada's words with a smile.

“Who did this? Was it the Italians?!„ his voice stared getting louder again, you shook your head negatively Quickly so he could calm down as Ada was requested earlier.

“No they were just thieves looking for a day pay. Like I said I'm fine, nothing to worry about.„

“I'll fucking kill them all! You hear me? Whoever did this to you is a deadman!„

You placed your hand on his cheek and smiled, hoping that it would relax him a bit and he'd find comfort in your eyes. You leaned in and kissed him softly, then whispered against his lips “I'm fine.„

John sighed and pulled away to look in your eyes again. You could see that there was something he wanted to tell you that would probably piss you off, he always looked like that when he had something like that to say.

“John can you fuck her later? I have to patch her up!„

“Fuck off Ada!„ he spat and she knocked his shoulder in response. “Seriously go out! I want to tell her something!„

“I'm the nurse-„

“Ada!„ he repeated, his voice tough. Ada huffed before getting off her chair to leave. She left you and john on the room the Shelbies would usually have their meetings and closed the doors.

“What is it?„ you asked right after she was out the room. He looked away and took a deep breath before starting to speak

“I've been thinking..„

“You don't say.„ you joked, trying to lighten up the mood but he only ignored your sarcastic comment.

“This is not a joke, (y/n)!„

“Isn't it?„ you questioned. He got up on his feet and turned his back on you. “(Y/n) maybe we should give this a break.„

You layer your head back in exhaustion, looking at the ceiling, you just wanted him to finish so you could start cursing him. “Taking into consideration all that's been going on with the Italians and everything maybe its best if you distance yourself for me, so you could be safer so people won't use you-„

“How about you Take this into consideration? I don't give a fuck about your considerations!„ when you raised your head up again he was looking at you a bit shocked at your response “you've been thinking ha? Clearly not hard enough!„

“(y/n)-„

“Don't (y/n) me! John! Do you love me?„ you got up and stood across him.

“Wha-?„

“Do you?!„

“Of cour-„

“Do you want me in your life?„

“(Y/n)-„

“Just answer the damn question!„ you shouted.

“Yes! Yes I do! More than anything but-„

“There is no bad! Because I love you too and I wanna be with you! Ada is right you boys think that woman can't take a punch but we can and we can hit back as well! I don't fucking care about the dangerous that come with your fucking name! Alright? They wanna come from me? Let 'em come! And I'll shoot 'em dead!„

John stood there looking at you like you were a goddess. Your determination had ones again shut him up. A smirk appeared on his face.

“I could fuck you right now on this very table!„ he said, getting closer to you. It was no surprise to you, you'd always make out anywhere at all and all your arguments would end on a bed.

“What's stopping ya?„

Sorry I know it's short but the first draft of it was deleted and I had to re write so. Anyways request more prompts from here.