#( benjamin speaking. )

[nerdicorntheshipper]

[babybirbb]

i don’t know what’s funnier: spidernoir and spider-ham being invited to the spider society and them turning it down, or just straight up not being invited to join lmao

[cipher-the-spider]

if we all work together we can manifest comic accurate noir who’s under 21 in btsv

[deadghosy]

Who do you think, among the Slytherin boys can handle spicy food the best?

“​who do you think scenarios” Who can handle spicy food the best:

A/N: I actually liked doing this. I don’t mind if people/anons send me more of this

Can handle it and will continue to eat spicy food:

Mattheo, Tom, Theodore

Reason why: cmon…I mean hot boys eat hot shit ☺️ but also because I can see them enjoy eating hot foods. Especially mattheo, I feel like this bastard just pours hot sauce over his food to spice it up a little

Can handle a little bit and immediately drink water to take the spice down:

Blaise and Lorenzo

Reason why: now these two can handle it. Only for a matter of time before drowning themselves in water like a dying fish. 🤷🏾‍♂️I just see it that way

Never had anything spicy in his life and never wants to ever.:

Draco

Reason why: idk I see him being the kind to just not fw with spicy foods. He probably had some when he was younger and felt like he was going to die 😭

Gulps down any spicy food near him:

Mattheo

Reason why: I feel like he would be dared to drink a whole bottle of muggle hot sauce. He’s either throwing up or not admitting pain and liking it.

[mybrknhrtt]

champion of the stormlord ✸

[brown-spider]

Why do people act shocked at the idea of Noir being 40-55 yrs old??

"Whoa, 45 and he's still swinging around? Lol." AS IF 15 YR OLDS PICKING UP A BUS IS MORE BELIEVABLE

He has. Super Human Strength. It fixes his eyesight. It lets him stop a moving train. I think he'll be in good enough shape to fist fight with villains at 45 yrs old

[duckapus]

It honestly makes sense that Noir and Ham didn't end up in the Spider Society because a Nazi-punching Detective and a Cartoon Reporter would've almost immediately clocked everything wrong with Miguel's "stick to the script" "some losses are acceptable and necessary, actually" philosophy, and they would not have been able to be nearly as subtle as Hobie when going against him.

[hakahakaiprincess]

dgs textpost edit thingies. i can fit so many historical inaccuracies and impossibilities in this thing. pretend its modern au or something

[foolsocracy]

Hi, hello, I’m new to your blog. I’ve made myself at home. Lovely carpet.

Can I please know more about your spider Robbie pie? Can’t seem to find the silverware.

but of course, kind anon

Spider Robbie is an au in which Robbie Robertson takes up the spider mantle after the death of the one before him. He is the third, following Ben Urich and, most notably, Peter Parker.

This au is very much canon divergence from Eyes Without a Face, where Peter makes it in time to save Robbie from his original fate but dies in the process. Peter is shot while rushing Robbie and the others out. In his panic and elation at finding Robbie physically unharmed, Peter outs himself as the Spider Man to his best friend. Robbie stays with him as he bleeds out and resolves to continue to hide Peter's identity.

Peter is buried and remains that way for... an undetermined amount of time.

Robbie is left with a mask, a jacket, and the question of just who was this other half of his friend. As he learns more of who this... Spider Man was, he gets more and more involved in the spider's cases and conflicts. Robbie gets more sure of his own abilities and makes a bit of a name for the Spider Man within his own community, though the people of Harlem are largely unaware that the appearances of a masked vigilante match the interests of one Robbie Robertson.

It is to be noted that none of these aforementioned abilities are spider-god-induced powers like Peter's. Robbie, especially at the beginning of his spidering career, leans more into Urich's role than Parker's. To me, Robbie has been passionate about the press and journalism in a way that Peter never was. For Pete, his job as a photographer and reporter was a job he took until he could get into college and study science. Robbie has a way with words and communication that Peter frankly lacks. Of course, that isn't to say that Robbie won't be kicking ass, because he will. It will just take him a bit of time to get some of those skills as he's, well, a normal guy. Not everyone can get their biology scrambled like Pete.

And just because Robbie hasn't been scrambled doesn't mean he's completely separate from all things supernatural either!

I think the marvel noir universe is at its best when there's a magical, supernatural undercurrent. This concept isn't super prevalent in the actual comics, but HoplesslyLost on ao3 has done some really cool world building with it.

I think in Robbie's case, where he would be the narrator, "magical realism" would be an interesting avenue to take it. I use this term in particular because I most closely relate it to Toni Morrison in my head, when I first learned about it through her work in high school. For Morrison, the concept was inseparable to blackness and I think for Robbie, where his blackness is so central to his character and his motivations, drawing on that could be more of a service to his character. It feels better to do that than ignore how incredibly racialized his society and story is. It will make his relationship with the spider god, Peter (who I will get to very very shortly), his community, and his own mythos as The Spider Man really interesting and complex.

So it's been established that Robbie doesn't have spider powers. And we all know that Peter did-- or should I say does. One of the spider god's abilities is to bring Peter back to life. She does this in the comics, but not in any of the runs from 2008-2010 (the runs that make up this au). When Peter dies on Ellis Island, he does not think he is coming back from that. Waking up again is a surprise.

Here's where I think the au really takes a left turn. Do I think the Spider God is purely evil and spiteful and has it out for Pete? No, not really. Will I be ramping said traits up to 11 for the au? Yeah, I guess I might. This is because I love a little bit of horror and the came back wrong trope. I will hopefully be fleshing the spider god out in the near future, but I really haven't given her the many hours of thought I have the other characters. For that I'm sorry spider god </3

Peter digs himself out of his grave, more spider than he ever has been. For much of his new, waking life he is more animalistic than not. There is clearly something wrong with him; his joints are too flexible and loose, he's got some eye-shine going on, his skin is pale and his veins are starkly dark beneath it. He's possessed. Someone is puppeteering him, someone who knows a lot-- almost everything about him, but it's clear that the someone isn't him.

And Peter--- the body, it can't be Peter. At least, that's what Robbie thinks when the figure catches his eye the first time. Because Peter is dead and buried, and he has been dead and buried for weeks.

[tatangadragon]

I love the names the ultrakill community assigns to stuff

^ this? this is our good friend Benjamin :]

[writeyourdarlings]

i'm so mad, why wasn't this in the movie !?? johnny and ben had the cutest friendship !! look at them helping with reed's wedding preparation AKSDHFL they're so adorable😭

[candyfloss-esophagus]

👻If your possibly still taking prompts, could I suggest something where they first meet at a club? (the universe and level of spiciness is fair game)

Hello nonnie!! I am taking prompts, they take a little while to fulfill is all. In this case, it took me by the hand and ran away, so here is first name basis on ao3!

[cipher-the-spider]

noir drawn in miles’ sketchbook like if you agree

[theostrophywife]

TILL MY MF JAW LOCKS TILL THE SKIN FALLS OFF TILL THEY CART ME THE FUCK AWAY TO THE NEAREST ASYLUM 💯💯💯

[gronnulv]

[brown-spider]

Noir is the type to poetically monologue about a man from his youth that "had he been a dame, we would have been lovers" with such dramatic intensity you'd think he was talking about the love of his life

But then if someone asked Noir anything suggesting that he's attracted to men, he'd dismiss it like "Now don't get me wrong, that crowd is fine by me, but I'm not a homosexual. I like dames too much, haha."

And it drives the modern spider kids fucking CRAZY. They want to shake him and scream "BISEXUAL!!!" so bad but oh god he's wearing headphones, he can't hear them, oh my god 😨