#( matt's loyal af okay )

[techniiciian]

@prvtocol sent an ask:

technical machine character development meme.

rage — what’s one thing that makes your muse inconsolably angry?

insulting and/or bringing harm to his family or his loved ones.

Matt can take the insults, the punches, the talking down - so long as it is ONLY directed at him. he can and will take it time and time again. he is a lover not a fighter, a gentle soul who doesn't want to get into a fight. often times he will refrain from using his full strength and skill when getting himself out of the more physical altercations.

but the moment his family is insulted past his limits ( he will give a warning to quit while you're ahead ), the moment they're hurt in any capacity, the moment there is blatant disrespect ( that is not well deserved as Matt knows his family and friends have flaws ) tossed towards the ones he cherishes? that restraint is gone.

[adarafaelbarba]

Goodbye brother

pairing: Sonny Carisi x reader (Sonnyverse) fandom: Law and Order Special Victims Unit warning: mention of death. Angsty af.

To say she was embarrassed by the who ordeal that had been going down for he last couple of months, well, that would be an understatement. (Y/N) was mortified. First she had been accused by Sonny’s boss and colleagues about leaking the article she had been writing, early, and without getting the green light from them. Then they involved her boss who fired her. And when she thought she was safe in the comfort of her own home, well, she apparently wasn’t safe there either, as Sonny started yelling at her the second he came home. The icing on top of the whole shit cake that was currently her life, was the fact that she was completely innocent. Not that anyone seemed to care about that.

«I didn’t leak it Sonny! I’m telling the truth! Someone hacked my work laptop and sent it from there!» she had pleaded with her husband. But when he wouldn’t listen she shook her head, tears already running down her cheek. «When you decide to listen to me, I’ll be at my parents house, with the kids!» she spat, running to their shared room to pack her things. The kids already had a lot of clothes at her parent’s house, so she only needed to get things for her self.

«Doll!» he tried. «Save it Dominick! I don’t want to hear it», she said, glaring at him before storming out the house. (Y/N) thanked her lucky stars that the kids were already with her parents. The worst thing she and Sonny could do was to fight in front of the kids.

~~~

That was a couple of months ago. She still hadn’t been told she was right all along. And she was still ignoring Sonny. The truth was, she wanted to make up with him so bad, mostly for the kids who were crying most nights asking for him. But they were both hotheads, so unless Sonny came to his senses and started apologizing for how crappy he had treated her, she didn’t want to hear it.

(Y/N) was in the middle of writing a new chapter for her book when she got a call from her sister-in-law.

«Hello? Nina? Hey! Calm down, please, and tell me what happened.» Nina was talking about a mile a minute, and it was getting hard for (Y/N) to understand what she was saying. «Oh my God! When?! Just now? Hey, shh. Tell the others I’m on my way!» (Y/N)’s brother, Tony, was a fire fighter with firehouse 61 in Chicago. And according to his wife, Nina, he had been severely injured on the job.

She couldn’t really say she played favorites when it came to her brothers, she loved them all equally. Not to mention three of their brothers, Ed, Val and Leo, also worked in the emergency service industry in Chicago. Ed being in intelligence for the Chicago PD, Val worked as an EMT for  firehouse 61 and Leo worked at Chicago Med as a trauma surgeon. Being a worried sister came with it. Especially with Ed, Val and Tony who were on the front line every day.

~~~

(Y/N) bolted through the doors of the Emergency room at Med as soon as she got there. «Casey! Where is he?!» she called out, locking eyes with Tony’s lieutenant, Matt Casey. «(Y/N)! Oh my God! Thank God you’re here!» he said, hugging her. «They took him into surgery a couple of hours ago. He’s in recovery now, but still under», Casey added, helping her sit down. «Where’s Nina?» she asked, looking for her sister-in-law. «With your brothers, they’re at Tony’s place», he explained. Nodding her head at that, she leant back in her seat, taking a deep breath.

«What the heck happened out there?» she asked no one in particular. «He tried to get a mother and son out of the building and a beam fell down and trapped him under it. We almost didn’t get to him in time», Otis said, biting his lip as he sat opposite her. «But you did get to him. Thank you.» She felt tears slip down her cheeks as she stood up and hugged Otis.

~~~

Hours went by until Dr. Halstead came out, looking at everyone. «Where’s his family?» he asked, before spotting (Y/N), Nina, Ed, Val and Leo. «Come with me please», he said. «Casey can you please call my parents for us?» (Y/N) said, expecting the worst by the way Will was standing.

She was right to think the worst. Dr. Halstead explained that the damage was too severe, he had been in there too long, and the beam had hit just right, meaning it was no saving him. Biting her lip, (Y/N) stood back as her bothers and her sister-in-law hugged and cried. She didn’t know what do do, all she really could do was pray that this was all a joke, a sick dream, and that she would wake up and Tony would be there, awake and smiling at her as he told her one of his weird jokes. But she knew that wasn’t the case, he was gone, and he wasn’t coming back. Tony was just laying there, machines beeping around him. If only he had taken the day off like he had said he was going to do, according to Nina. But there was never anyone who could tell Tony not to work, he was stubborn as a mule and loyal to a fault.

«I need someone to sign off on the papers if we should turn of the machines or not», Dr. Manning chimed in, standing next to Dr. Halstead. «Can we wait until our parents get here?» Leo asked his colleague. «Yeah sure», the brunette girl said, nodding before she and Halstead left.

~~~

The five of them sat there, just watching Tony for what felt like hours, until (Y/N) couldn’t take the silence anymore and got up, going out to the waiting room.

«(Y/N), how’s Tony?» Casey asked, approaching her as the other fire fighters looked up or got out of their seats. «He—he’s not gonna make it. We’re just waiting for our parents and our other brother to get here before we sign the papers», she explained, wiping some tears away. «I’m so sorry to hear that (Y/N). If there’s anything we can do, you just let us know okay?» she nodded at that, giving Casey a hug.

(Y/N) decided to stay in the waiting room with the firefighters, just so she could be the first person her parents and Sergio saw when then got there.

She had stood so motionless that she almost didn’t feel the arms wrapping around her waist until she heard a soft murmur, «Shhh doll, it’s okay.» Sonny was the first and the last person she wanted to see right now. But feeling a moment of weakness, she leant into her husbands chest.

The moment ended quickly though as soon as she saw her parents rush in. «Ma! Dad! Ser!» she called out, running over to them, embracing them all in hugs. «How is he?» her mother asked, looking at her. «He’s not gonna make it ma. I’m sorry», (Y/N) said, looking at the ground as if she was the culprit behind the accident. «Oh god!» Mrs. (Y/L/N) exclaimed, falling into her daughter’s embrace. «I’m so sorry ma», (Y/N) whispered, hugging her mother.

They walked together into the room, leaving Sonny behind, wishing he could take his wife in his arms again and kiss her, to tell her it would be okay in the end. But seeing she wasn’t wearing her wedding ring, he figured she was moving on. Gina had told him about this divorce lawyer friend she had who had gotten (Y/N) the papers. He knew it was coming, he just hoped she would change her mind and come back to him.

~~~

Leo had come out a while after the arrival of their parents and brother. Every firefighter in the room stood up and looked at him. He looked so tired, having been here since the start of his shift the evening before. «Doc?» Chief Boden asked, looking at Leo. «He’s at peace now», was all Leo said, before leaving.

«Leo! Hold up!» Sonny called out, running over to his brother-in-law. «What is it Detective Carisi?» he asked, looking back at Sonny. «How’s (Y/N)?» Sonny asked. «Do you mean after what happened with Tony? Or after you decided to call her a liar and get her fired from her dream job and almost arrested?» Leo knew all about how Sonny broke her heart, all her brothers knew. «I—I should have never done it. I made a huge mistake, and I beat myself up for hurting her, every day. I don’t know what to do. She’s my dream girl and I ruined that», Sonny tried so hard to not break down and cry, it was the last thing (Y/N) and her family needed. «You should have thought of that before then!» Leo stated, turning to leave Sonny behind.

~~~

Later that evening at Nina and Tony’s place, (Y/N) called her mother-in-law. She wanted to say goodnight to the kids. «(Y/N). How are you holding up dear?» Mrs. Carisi asked, looking at her daughter-in-law. «I could be better. Are the kids still awake?» she asked in return. «Yeah hold on. Dom can you get the kids in here please?» Mrs. Carisi asked her husband.

A minute later the kids were in the room in front of the phone. «Mommy! We miss you!» Giovanni and Matteo said in unison. «I miss you kiddos too! Are you being good to nonna and nonno?» at this the boys and Angelina nodded their heads.

«Is daddy there too?» Dominick asked, looking at his mother. «No. Sorry baby», (Y/N) said, giving the kids a sympathetic look. She knew the kids were missing their father, and she couldn’t lie, she missed Sonny too. Having seen him at the hospital earlier had really made her feel better.

After the kids said their goodnights and I love yous, Mrs. Carisi came back in frame. «I know you don’t want to hear it (Y/N), and I was so mad at him when I heard what happened. But have you thought about talking to him? He’s not himself anymore, keeps asking about you and the kids in case I had heard something. I heard something about his attitude towards his colleagues have gotten shorter and he snaps easily», she explained. It broke (Y/N)’s heart to hear how Sonny had changed after the separation. After talking to the divorce lawyer Gina had recommended, she often though about going to Sonny and taking him back, but she couldn’t give up. He had broken her trust, that couldn’t be forgiven that easily.

She missed him like crazy though, and she knew it wouldn’t go away. «Maybe I can talk to him tomorrow?» she murmured, looking from her mother-in-law to the table. «You love him still, don’t you sweetie?» (Y/N) nodded at this, tears slipping down her cheeks before she could stop them, «Yeah, like crazy. But he hurt me, how do I forgive him for that?» she asked, biting down on her lip. «You don’t. But it helps talking it out. That way you can both go from there and hopefully make your way back together. You and Sonny were made for each other sweetie, we saw it long before you both did. Don’t let something so good go to waste dear», Mrs. Carisi said, giving her daughter-in-law a warm smile.

(Y/N) finished her video chat quickly after that, saying she was exhausted, but really, she needed time to think about what her mother-in-law had said. On one hand she wanted to run to where Sonny was staying, hug him and tell him she loved him and she wanted it again. But then in the back of her head she would tell herself that he didn’t deserve to be taken back, and well, that voice was usually the loudest voice.

She finally set for a somewhat healthy medium when she picked up the phone and dialed his number. (Y/N) just about threw her phone at the wall when he picked up. «Doll?» he asked, his voice sounding raw, almost as if he had been crying. She wanted nothing more in that moment than to hug him, she always hated it when he cried, she just didn’t want him to be hurt. «Hey Sonny», she said, and it was the first time in a long time she had said his name, and been happy when she said it. «Are you okay?» he asked, not quite believing that she would call him. «Can we talk? Tomorrow? Over breakfast, my treat», she asked in return. «I’d love that. But please, let me pay.» he offered. «Okay. See you tomorrow», she said. There was a short moment of silence before she added «I love you Sonny.» It was so silent after that, that (Y/N) thought he had passed out, until he replied just as softly as she had with «I love you too doll. Always.»

Sonnyverse taglist:

@sweetcannolicarisi​ 

[jacobelcrdi]

☀❤️

☀ ━ how long have you been roleplaying? how did you get into it?

omg, sTORY TIME. So, okay, around the 2010 era, I was huge into crossover fandom. More so, Supernatural and One Tree Hill crossover fandom. Yes, two shows that are complete polar opposites, but yO, IT WORKS, I SWEAR. Anyways, most importantly, the crossovers of Dean Winchester and Haley James, and Sam Winchester and Brooke Davis. Like I was hella obsessed in all honestly, *shrugs shoulders*. And there’s actually a really loyal following behind those ships, and they’re all hella talented af as well. I made a lot of graphics, manips, videos, have be it, myself, and I was actually looking to make a fansite. This is how I came across Tumblr, and I literally had no damn idea what the hell it was. I just thought it was a fansite making thing, although, I was just hella confused about it all. Because really, lbr, Tumblr is confusing for anyone new person. One day, some how, some way, I actually ended up in a Sophia Bush tag, or a crossover tag? I honestly don’t remember, and I came around a muse who was faced by Sophia Bush. My nosey has to see what the heck that was about, so I actually lurked on that page for a while, and still – hella confused. But I was familiar with the terms of rp-ing, because I was actually asked to rp a Dean Winchester for a second on another forum, and I did NOT like it. So, I was honestly under the impression that I was going to like it on here either. But for some reason I kept ending back up on that muse’s page, and then one day I was just like, screw it, I’ll check this out further, message the main, yada. This rp was actually a TVD/SPN/TSC crossover rp, and I really couldn’t break my focus from it. A few days later I’d have to message the main again, and the admins actually worked with me to come up with a character, who would be a Katie Cassidy FC named Avery. I was so hella nervous about coming into that rp, but man, once I did, I s2g I was hooked. Unfortunately, that closed two weeks later, but then I ended up following two of the mods of that RP to another solely TVD RP, and was there for a year and a half, give or take. This was, I believe, in 2012. So, going on seven years.

❤ ━ do you have any crackships for your muse?

hahahahaAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, OH GOD, SO THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG?!?! And you’re going to notice quite a few repetitive names on this list, but that’s just they’ve been my favorite fcs for so long. I also know I’m going to miss a few, but here’s my heart. yes.

Matt Lanter x Shelley Hennig (my first all time favorite rp crackship ever)

Matt Lanter x Amber Heard

Matt Lanter x Sophia Bush

Matt Lanter x Mila Kunis

Matt Lanter x Blake Lively

Matt Lanter x Gabriella Wilde

Matt Lanter x Alexandra Chando

Chris Evans x Amber Heard

Chris Evans x Sophia Bush

Chris Evans x Mila kunis

Chris Evans x Emily VanCamp (and let me tell u how happy I was when they made this canon?? and then let me tell you how fucking pissed I was, when everyone treated this motherfucking queen like shit. i cOULD RANT FOR FUCKING EVER)

Chris Evans x Nina Dobrev

Charlie Hunnam x Mila Kunis

Charlie Hunnam x Sophia Bush

Charlie Hunnam x Amber Heard

Charlie Hunnam x Bethany Joy Lenz

Charlie Hunnam x Priyanka Chopra

Jensen Ackles x Bethany Joy Lenz (Obvi)

Jared Padalecki x Sophia Bush (Again obvi)

Tyler Posey x Lucy Hale (this one is new, bc truth or dare tbh. so like gimme pls?!!)

Hunter Parrish x Shelley Hennig

Rachel McAdams x Jake Gyllenhaal (I like to keep my shipping wishes and rl people’s dating lives separate, bc a.) weird and b. ) respect, but I am actually very sad that these two didn’t become more. because I love so much?!!)

DJ Cotrona x Priycnka Chopra

DJ Cotrona x Karla Souza

DJ Cotrona x Eiza Gonzalez

Jason Momoa x Eiza Gonzalez

Jason Momoa x Mila Kunis

Jason Momoa x Amber Heard

Jason Momoa x Sophia Bush

Tyler Hoechlin x Shay Mitchell

Tyler Hoechlin x Sophia Bush

Tyler Hoechlin x Mila Kunis

Paul Wesley x Emily VanCamp

[avengersandco]

i'm a loyal af follower, please mate tell me about your ocs!!! hit me with that original shit

my dear anon, you do not understand the can of worms you just opened….

Okay so my oc’s are matt and isabel and they are Steve and Tony’s kids (along with peter) (and you can also find a lot on them in their tags, which are oc matt and oc isabel)

So Matt is the oldest, and the only one who isn’t adopted. He’s biologically Tony’s son, and about 2.5 years older than Peter and Isabel (Isabel and Peter are about 2 and a half months apart, with Peter being older). Matt is a super fun, outgoing, and funny guy. One of those people that pretty much everyone likes and isn’t actually a douchebag. Loves his family to death (and fiercely protective of them, especially his siblings(though he and peter do kind of have their issues when they’re younger)) and kind of wears his heart on his sleeve. When he’s in his late teens, he ends up getting diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which his family is super supportive of in his treatment.

Isabel is the baby of the family who is adopted. Not much is really known about her parentage, but she was adopted because she had health issues as a baby. She’s pretty small, but super athletic and competitive and is super driven to also be an avenger one day. She’s also someone who’s very calm cool and collected most of the time, though she’s also a huge caffeine addict (which i feel is a very fun combo). She’s also fairly quiet and keeps to herself a good amount of the time, though she is super close with her family. Isabel is also dyslexic, and really hates school. This causes some tension between her and Tony (just bc she’s insecure about her intelligence and her dad is tony freaking stark)

This is stuff about them in the main universe (though I have au’s with them as well). I’m also considering making a post that goes through all of the different dynamics in the family in this universe…. 

[andrewjostenzarchive]

Okay, but a Teen Wolf Au for tfc

Neil as Malia bc also a parental figure wants to kill him, the other isn’t much better and he's pretty blunt but brave and loyal af

Allison Reynolds as Lydia bc she too dresses like a queen, can destroy your ego in a few seconds and her screams can kill, rip

Renee as Allison bc she worked for the hunters first, but turned to help the wolves. and also Allison argent and Lydia are lowkey gay for each other, am i right

Kevin as Scott bc he was a hunter, but then gets bitten and turns to Andrew aka Stiles for help who then fiercely protects him

Andrew as Stiles, bc he too is a little sarcastic shit, but loyal as heck and besides Stalia is canon sooo ... Andreil

Nicky as Danny and Aaron as Jackson bc those two are friends (tho Aaron doesn't show it, tbh), and Aaron is an ass and Nicky a popular sunshine boy tm

Matt as Liam bc he too would kick ass for his friends anytime and always tries his best, tho he struggles

Dan as Hayden bc she is a badass, sassy girl that will go through hell for her friends

Jean as Isaac bc he went through a lot, but is still an amazing person, also scisaac

Abby as Melissa bc they are both nurses and brave and kick ass

Bee as Natalie Martin bc she takes care of the foxes and a badass

Wymack as Sheriff Stilinski bc they are both done 24/7, but are fiercely protective

And I think Riko and the ravens as hunters pretty much explains itself

And the Pack dynamics:

Andrew – Alpha

Nicky – Beta

Kevin – Beta

Aaron – Beta

Neil – Omega

Dan – Alpha

Matt – Beta

Allison – Banshee

Renee – Hunter

so bye

[survivor-kuwait]

Episode 10 - “I wanna merge” - Thomas

alright just a recap of the round since i was at work all day! i was suuuuper excited that despite being in the warzone i was there with owen and matt my main boiz. also now people don't need to go bitching that i haven't been there yet anymore xoxo bite me cullan u bitch. apparently right when we got to the warzone tommy threw out adrian's name to trace bc he's still pressed about him calling him inactive during the round that nehe left which i mean eyeroll but ok. so as soon as i heard this i told matt, which probably was a mistake on my part but oh well. at that point i still was wanting to go through with what matt had wanted which was an alliance with us, adrian, and maynor. matt tells me last night though that adrian apparently initially brought up wanting to vote myself or owen due to challenge prowess, and i'm assuming the fact that we're winners as well. again, eyeroll. i brush it off and am like well let's sleep on it and see where we're at in the morning. so i tell owen all of this as well and make him promise me not to leak bc this could've potentially been a big round for us depending on what we wanted to do. he agreed with me that adrian even suggesting our names in passing wasn't a cute look and i didn't really wanna stand for that. we talked about it in pms and then again in the paradise hotel chat and it was odd bc then traces' information and actions were always seemingly right behind us. i'm fairly certain matt was leaking all of it to him but ok. i mean i hope he wasn't, but we'll see. trace and adrian got close real fast if they weren't already so that was kind of another point that i was trying to drive home with matt. good ol' matt kept mentioning yk that me and owen are his main people and that he doesn't care if adrian goes and at that point it just felt like ok well put your money where your mouth is. so we push for that and come to the conclusion that we really just need us, tommy and chloe obvs bc she's not gonna vote herself. the group decides to leave trace out of it after i bring up how trace apparently has all of the tea so maybe it wasn't getting leaked to him afterall??? idk shrug. i did let stephen know what was going on a little before tribal, i probably should've confirmed with him earlier but i wasn't sure how much he was willing to trust me with kind of right away like that. everything goes right as planned and adrian leaves 6-2??? happy to be back and out of the warzone, but i miss matt and owen already, but corey is back with me now!!! oh that reminds me apparently matt is wary of both ian and corey so i gotta keep an eye on that moving forwards and plan accordingly. ummmm also trace messaged me and was like hey so what happened?? i decided to tell him that i legit must've misunderstood messages from someone and that he was back to voting adrian. idk i just played dumb so i hope he bought it. he was like yeah as long as it was miscommunication and not me getting fucked over it's cool sdjgksdlg like what am i supposed to say to that.... yes i was trying to fuck u over u right.... got me!! 

Genuinely surprised Chloe survived after being a target for so long, makes me suspicious there might be another alliance out there, because most people told me Adrian, they might not trust me yet, hopefully voting with them helped me there.

If I’m being truly honest. This challenge is so weird that i dont think imma be able to like do iy. Might be a warzone trip for me this round and it sucks because I dont want to go. Like Adrian was someone i could have worked with but he left 6-2 and I hope it wasnt Matt who voted Cloe.

---

I got the first one in 6 clicks. I hope im able to get the rest pretty quickly but i dont know if i move from kuwait or i start from survivor again.

Part 1. I have emotional motion sickness. Somebody pls roll the windows down. I'm scared to lose Matt or Owen at this tribal. I don't see it happening but it still worries me. Ideally, Thomas leaves. Kait or Stephen leaving aren't the worst case scenarios either. Realistically, I predict Trace or Stephen. Trace.... pls survive. I'll send this confessional in two parts. Will be writing the second part later tonight. Part 2. Well. Adrian left. this is bad for my game. Is it worst case scenario? no. But Trace didn't vote him out; Matt did. Matt betrayed Adrian and Kait basically told me so. I cannot trust Matt as much as I thought I could; but maybe his allegiance is to Owen primarily as Matt sold Adrian out bc Adrian wanted to target Kait/Owen. It's hectic but Adrian was a number for my game, personally. I'll do my espionnage and try to keep tabs on what everyone is thinking. Oh, and attempt to win immunity again!

Well, last night's war zone did NOT go as I expected. I really thought that everyone was on board to vote Chloe, but I was clearly mistaken. The tribal left me a little confused, and genuinely nervous about what my fate would be if I were to return to the war zone in the near future. There are a few things that I did learn from this war zone, however. I really think that matt is kind of calling the shots over there. He seemed to be the sneakiest one, and was the one lie that kind of hurt the most. Kait claims that she thought I knew the vote was Adrian, and that is was a mistake on her part. I don't fucking buy it. Kait is clearly close with Thomas (she literally calls him Tommy), but decided that they couldn't trust me enough to tell me in the end the vote wasn't chloe. I did not appreciate that. I hate being in war zones where people who are inactive get to stay because somehow, someone figured out how to goat them to the end. I am going to do my best to stay out of the war zone this round, but this challenge is confusing so I have no idea if I even have a chance.

Im really nervous for this immunity. I hope i had a quick clicks. If not I hope im with people i can work with and not be voted out. Im anticipating a merge soon but how it works idk.

http://prntscr.com/nu7q5f what kind of false scorpio antics.......... 

Me? Safe again? Hskshdjd who woulda THOUGHT!!! I’m glad madison is finally safe I feel like the more she goes the more time she has to make connections lmao. I know she rlly wanted to be safe this time for some reason but part of me thought she had been throwing tbh so she could actually play the game which isn’t a bad strategy. I feel really bad for matt going again :( but I think he will be okay. Here’s hoping they send Stephen out please and ty!!!! In other news I still think I’ve never talked to Ian or corey which is funny af because corey could be my number one in this game. I feel like he will be loyal to me once we make it together.... I rlly just hope him and Kait don’t clash, but I’m scared af because Matt was sus about corey getting renee out and I haven’t gotten to tell corey that yet. Hopefully when the time comes I can get corey and Kait to work together and the three of us can go to the end somehow. I’m not gonna turn on Kait. I can’t turn on corey. It’s gonna be messed up if they ever start to target each other bc Kait doesn’t know I’m close with him but he knows I’m close with her nnnn

Kait thinks I'm targeting pairs, huh? Well, yes but actually no. I'm targeting pairs in the since that members of those pairs are people I don't think would work with me, I'm not targeting them for being pairs. I've got a pair in Leo I want to work with, also MY SIGN PARTNER IS STILL IN THE GAME, albeit barely. It has become abuntly clear to me that Matt does not have over lapping interests with me in this game. The man is out there spreading propaganda against me to Kait and Owen, who has never met me might I add so he sees me exactly as I see him. A threat. Kait, I thought you were warming up to me, but please keep thinking Corey is who you should confide in, he's totally not closer to me or anything.

This Warzone is really stressing me out. I don’t think I have the same allies I’m usually confident with. There’s Devon and Trace and Maynor and Chloe but I only can trust them so much because none of them are working together. I’m hoping to get out timmy or Stephen who I don’t know and don’t trust but I also know that my name certainly could be coming up soon enough because with each tribal I survive I become a bigger and bigger threat. I’m ready for some idol shenanigans if need be but I’d love to save that shit for down the road.

The names being thrown out right now are Cloe, Timmy, and Stephen. I much rather have Timmy stay because we are actually working together in this game rather than against. Stephen even tho we dont talk much there is still that connection through his game he hosted and one we played together. Getting majority on Cloe will be great because she wont get dragged to the f3 and take a spot that could be mine.

This warzone feels different. It’s an odd group and a lot of people who haven’t been together. So it’s somewhat quiet but also contentious since anything could happen at this point. Not sure how tonight will play our, should be fun....

So the vote seems to be Chloe, yet she always gets votes and it’s never her so naturally I’m weary. I think this will be the time though, especially with who is at this tribal. Trace was saying Devon had said Stephen, which I don’t want him going because he would be a good number for me. Trace also said that Matt said my name but I think he’s now on the Chloe train...I’m hoping. Either way I doubt he would have majority. I’m hoping I stay because it’s about to be merge and I think I’ve been doing well so far. I’m proud of how social I have been with people, it’s not the best, but it’s a lot better than I usually am.

It looks like the vote is locked on Cloe but still very awkwardly quiet. I hope nothing crazy goes down. *knocks on wood*

Don’t mind me just dying and having no idea what’s going on at all hahaha probs gonna be voted out next xoxox 

This better be the last Warzone, I wanna merge.

So, with little debate, I think we settled on voting Chloe. Originally, Devon and Matt wanted to vote Stephen, but I had to convince them onto Chloe because I want to make sure we have more people on our tribe than theirs so that I have a chance of winning immunity. Matt told me he heard Timmy's name which is weird. I think he was just trying to scare me. I told Timmy about it, and Timmy was upset, but I really don't think it went anywhere. Chloe came to me and told me that she would vote anyone as long as it wasn't her. I really don't trust Matt even though he keeps telling me that I can trust him, so idk. Maybe I'll flip the script at the last minute and try to get everyone Matt at the last minute, but we shall have to see if that's smart for me... idk

[farklelucas]

allison and lydia???

send me a ship for my headcanon of their kids!!

Name: nico

Gender: cis male

General Appearance:light eyes, angular af jaw (look at allison and lydia’s jawlines guys), and magical hair?? bc u got allison’s dark hair with lydia’s red in there for highlights and u got someone literally so beautiful… ugh

Personality: smart af, snarky af, loyal af, malicious to those who wrong him and his moms af, badass af, pretends to be apathetic but is actually REALLY emo af. basically just stay off his bad side and you’ll be all good (minus some asshole-ish comments from time to time but it’s only if ur being stupid and u deserve it), but get on his good side and 1. damn who are you??? and 2. good job he is now putty in ur hands and will go to the ends of the earth for u.

Special Talents: archery bc obviously, multilingual including latin, ancient latin, ancient greek, AND kira taught him some korean and scott taught him some spanish bc pack stays together that’s fucking why, and on top of all that he’s a banshee which lydia HATES at first (bc look where it got meredith) but nico is actually like ‘fuck yeah’ and teaches both himself and lydia to embrace their supernatural talents

Who they take after more: lydia i think, in personality. i think in looks too tho he’s got allison’s dark hair.

Who they like better: both i think. maybe allison a tiny bit more bc she was probably with him more as a kid but he loves lydia so so much too

Personal Head canon: when tw generation 2 comes out (with nuri, melissa, and the other kids in the pack) he is the emissary. this is because 1. he doesn’t take any stupid shit from anyone so everyone knows not to fuck with them but he’s still diplomatic and 2. he is a supernatural being so people in the supernatural community respect him more than a regular human.he also does not give a single Fuck about gender norms and will wear a matte lip and nude eyeshadow like it’s no one’s business. his instagram is almost entirely makeup and it’s just so beautiful lydia is like ‘okay but lowkey have u thought about going to school for this bc it’s amazing’some mini headcanons: he’s gay, he goes to protest marches/lgbt parades all the time (usually with allison and lydia), he lives for coffee but only if it has a shit ton of sugar in it, he has a dog named gucci (in keeping with prada get it??), and he has his own personal beanie collection bc he’s a fucking dweeb

Face Claim: miles heizer bc look at that hair and that jawline??? beautiful. perfect. allydia worthy.

[urwarriorangel]

TVD SHIPS (i think the right word is OTPs but oh well)

I know I’m extra and unnecessary af for this but pls bare with me. I was up until four am last night and thought this would be a good idea so here we are!

Also please keep in mind that these are just my opinions. Some of these are potential situations, not the way things ended up in the show. I don’t mean to sound rude in some of the comments even though it may seem that way. I know that I might be the queen of unpopular otp/ship opinions but pls hear me out. If you like the ships that I don’t, it’s alright. If you hate the ones that I like, that’s also fine. It happens. Love y’all!! XOXO

ps- this is gonna be very very VERY fucking long, so there’s gonna be a little ‘keep reading’ tab after the first category. i’m so sorry

TVD SHIPS THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN

Klaus x Bonnie

I know that Klaus doesn’t play nice and I know that Bonnie hates him but come on, you can’t tell me they wouldn’t have been a scorching hot pair. you’ve got the wolf, the vampire, the witch (aka the holy trinity of the supernatural world) split between a petite woman of color and a lanky northern european man. please keep in mind that Bonnie could destroy Klaus in a millisecond.

Kol x Bonnie

Y’ALL I WOULD KILL FOR THIS SHIP. Kol is a psychopath and I feel like in a way, that’s Bonnie’s specialty. she’d hate him first, sure. but then they’d have to work together to save her stupid friends and the only reason he’d agree to accompany her was because “you’re going to get yourself killed, love. we should just let them figure things out” “I’m not asking you to come, Kol”. she’d have him wrapped around her finger in no time. imagine the mind blowing make out scenes. also the sex scenes.THE SEX SCENES!

Kol x Elena

okay so I’m not the biggest fan of Elena because she’s so damn whiny but she’s also vulnerable and has this crazy knack of making people like her. Kol’s intentions were never to hurt Elena to be honest. he was angry with his brother and terrified of Silas, rightfully so. I think they would have worked.

Lorenzo x Caroline

tbh Enzo is the only guy I would like to see Caroline with. Caroline keeps floating between the self-righteous guy with the good hair and the raging psychopath with the perfect accent. settle for the perfect accent, nice hair, a tortured soul, and mostly good intentions.

Malachai x Bonnie

a concept: Kai buying Bonnie a Costco bear to apologize for Mrs. Cuddles. Kai getting turned on every time Bonnie practices magic that is above even him. Kai smiling every time Bonnie texts him and being confused as to why. Kai being the first one to say I love you.

Damon x Bonnie

I want them to hook up SO BAD. you know those college roommates AUs or the best friends spending a drunken night together AUs or the childhood friends who develop feelings AUs or partners in crime having sex for the sake of the mission AUs? I would like that to happen with these two losers.

Elijah x Bonnie

okay so I ship Bonnie with just abt everyone. so sue me. she would dig through Elijah’s mind and force him to face his past. once his episodes started, she’d feel guilty and she’d make excuses to hang around him. eventually, the monsters in his past were nothing compared to how scared he’d get every time he thought about losing Bonnie.

Bonnie x Elena

Bonnie would be the more rational, no bullshit girlfriend. Elena would be the damsel in distress with a party mindset. They’d keep each other grounded and watch the sunrise together even though Bonnie just wanted to make out.

Bonnie x Caroline

the motherfking power couple y’all. childhood friends who fall in love with each other after they both date boring guys. the almighty witch and the vampire with good communication skills. wow think of how good they’d look at Elena’s wedding: Bonnie in her maid-of-honor dress, Caroline in a similarly colored bridesmaid dresses; Caroline catches the bouquet and proceeds to kiss Bonnie in front of all the groomsmen who’re hitting on her.

Caroline x Rebekah

Barbie queens with more to offer than their looks. they’re smart, ambitious, competitive, dire romantics, control freaks, short tempered, gentle-spirited, and so damn sexy. i would pay good money for a hot tub scene between these two.

Malachai x Elena

humanity-less Elena and regular, sociopathic Kai. they’d be a dynamic duo tbh. Elena and Damon would have just broken up and Kai actually liked this side of Elena, the wild party girl with complete disregard for human life.

Jeremy x Liv

these two wouldn’t date, not at all. they’d just have lots of angry sex and tbh I’m content with their relationship being just that.

Elijah x Damon

at first, it was annoying: Elijah had to keep an eye on another reckless vampire. he’d lose sight of Damon for a couple hours and he’d turn the entire city upside down bc he was scared that Damon was wreaking havoc. only Elijah would come home at the end of the day and find Damon dancing around the house-- topless with a bottle of bourbon in hand--and no matter how bad he knew he should yell at Damon and put him in place, he couldn’t bring himself to do so.

TVD SHIPS THAT NEEDED  MORE SCREEN TIME

Matt x Rebekah

my favorite Matt pairing and my favorite Rebekah pairing. Rebekah is a hopeless romantic and nothing will ever change that. Matt is a puppy dog who’s the same way and I love how happy they were together, I love how good they looked together, all that jazz. their fling is very underrated.

Bonnie x Nora

YES YES YESSSSSSSSS. I would also kill for this ship, relation- or friend-. this was such a pure friendship. it wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine by any means, but it was the most real friendship on the show. it could have been even greater.

Elijah x Katerina

I wanted to see them together so much more!!! I love Katherine and I feel like Elijah was a soulmate of hers. Elijah clearly loved her, but things just never worked out in their favor. They could have had a great love story, or at least a top-notch friendship.

Stefan x Katherine

Stefan is another one of Katherine’s soul mates. Definitely. They’re both manipulative, one more than the other. They both cared about one another at one point. They’re both empty and alone at times despite the people around them. Another great love story.

Klaus x Stefan

I’m a little iffy about this because I think that Klaus is fine without Stefan, but I also really like the friendship they built back in the 20s. I love the acceptance and the love and the connection Klaus and Stefan had at first. It was great.

Elijah x Stefan

Everyone compares Stefan and Klaus to one another and claim that they are so similar, but I vehemently disagree. I think that Elijah and Stefan are very similar. Both very self-righteous. Both have a distinct set of beliefs. Both are very loyal and are known as “the good brother”. I don’t know. I would’ve liked to see a relationship develop between these two.

Caroline x Katherine

ugh yet another potential great couple!! they are both very fashion-oriented, both very controlling and organized, both hella smart. if Katherine hadn’t screwed around with Caroline when she’d just been turned, I think they could’ve been great friends. they’re very similar, very self-aware. they care about themselves.

Klaus x Damon

I really want to watch Damon and Klaus’s relationship progress. I want them to become friends who pretend they hate each other but are always so protective of one another and are always ready to defend the other person. They’re the self-hatred ridden brothers and I think it would be nice if they loved each other.

Damon x Enzo

LONG LIVE DENZO. Denzo is my number one ship for both Damon and Enzo. like :( I’m so hurt that Damon left Enzo but imagine: Damon spending every day for the rest of eternity apologizing for leaving, knowing that it would never be enough but not stopping. Damon would always put Enzo first, always. He would put Enzo’s life and happiness over his own every time. Enzo would try to fight it to no avail. Enzo taking one look at Damon’s battered body after a fight and immediately cleaning him up and bandaging him. Enzo spending the night in Damon’s bed with Damon in his arms as he kissed his forehead.

Alaric x Jo

I don’t like Jo, but I would like to think that she and Kai could have patched things up and she would be less bitter and annoying and she and Alaric could have a happy life. With cute little babies.

Damon x Elizabeth Forbes

I think that Sheriff Forbes is the one person that Damon would never be able to leave. He left his romantic interest time and time again. He left his brother. He left his best friend. That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love them, that just means that Forbes was the only person who would push him hard enough to stay that he wouldn’t have any other choice. Damon’s the only vampire (asides from Caroline) that Sheriff Forbes actually loves.

Elijah x Elena

Elijah was protective of Elena from the start. he recognized the vulnerable parts of Katherine in her and saw the fierce loyalty and honesty that Katherine at times lacked. she was like a breath of fresh air to him and he wanted to help, constantly to popular belief.

Damon x Rose

I hated Rose at first because I was all about Delena but the more I thought about it and the more I rewatched it, Rose was YET ANOTHER CHARACTER THAT DESERVED BETTER. She was on the run her entire life because she was loyal to Trevor. She died because she was protecting Damon. Her entire life revolved around her great attributes wasted on men. I think Damon would have helped her move on and escape when needed. She would’ve helped him see the truth, kind of a balance to him.

Kol x Jeremy

BASEBALL BUDDIES. one of the few times that Jeremy wasn’t really annoying was when he was friends with Kol, the times we never heard from him except to check up and see he was happy. I think that Kol saw a potential friend in him, despite his “dark” intentions. they could have been great fucking friends.

Tyler x Jeremy

another time that Jeremy wasn’t too annoying was when he was friends with this idiot: Tyler. granted, Tyler was sired to Klaus, but still. they got through it and were pretty decent friends. I was happy with their small friendship and it would have been nice to see peaceful guy friends.

Matt x Tyler

MY FAVORITE FRIENDSHIP back in the day oh my god :( it makes me sad thinking of how much we used to see of Tyler and Matt, of how great friends they were and how they got through everything together. it was so nice to see them happy or sad but together ugh. I WANT MORE.

Stefan x Lexi

I loved Lexi. she was so badass and so cool and so independent all while keeping an eye out for her best friend. this here is another case of my obsession with best friends blooming into other things and childhood best friends becoming lovers. Stefan wasn’t too annoying when Lexi was around, he was kind of fun. GASP

Damon x Lexi

okay hear me out. this a case of “you’re my best friend’s brother and we shouldn’t be doing this but he doesn’t have to know” ugh :( I like the idea of badass Lexi taming the wild fuckboy that is Damon.

TVD SHIPS THAT SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN BUT WERE (EVEN A LITTLE)

Klaus x Caroline

everyone loves them together but me. sure, i appreciate how great they look and how Klaus cares about Caroline, but I don’t think Caroline would or should ever actually date him. Klaus has hurt too many of her loved ones for her to look at him as more than an occasional fuck, at least for now. he’ll always be the one that got away. I’m okay with that, idk.

Alaric x Caroline

this entire thing was so fucked up. like Alaric’s wife is dead so Caroline has to get pregnant and have the babies and then give everything up, happily or otherwise. as wierd as it sounds, it would have been more interesting if Elena was pregnant with the twins. maybe. probably not. okay that’s too wierd.

Stefan x Caroline

sometimes I really don’t like this duo and other times I couldn’t care less. the reason that I couldn’t care less is because of the obvious love and affection between the characters. that being said, those feelings aren’t portrayed romantically. at least not for me. it’s just a little too wierd for me.

Jeremy x Bonnie

Jeremy is such an annoying character ughhhh oh my god. Bonnie deserved a lot better than this dorky kid who would always act out. it was wierd to begin with because when they first started dating, Jeremy was really immature and Bonnie was the exact opposite. Jeremy wasn’t an endearing immature, he was the stupid immature.

Stefan x Valerie

this was literally just a filler. Valerie deserved better than what Stefan had to offer. I mean it could have been great had Stefan not been using Valerie, had he actually cared for her.

Stefan x Elena

YET ANOTHER SHIP THAT EVERYONE LOVES AND I HATE. Stefan and Elena, in my opinion, were too alike to ever date. they were both very self-righteous and nosey and everything had to be done their way. they tried to control the people around them and I think the times that I liked Stefan the least (border-line hated him) were the times that he was dating Elena.

Julian x Lily

it was just a very abusive relationship. I hated Julian and every second that he was on screen. I hated how Lily felt and acted when he was around. it was all around horrible.

Lorenzo x Lily

just super wierd. Enzo deserves better. I have said this before and I will say it again. Enzo deserves better. He stuck around the Heretics for Lily and she only lead him on so that he wouldn’t side with Damon and crew. very unhealthy.

TVD SHIPS THAT SAILED

Damon x Elena

I really fucking like Delena. I do. I’ll admit it’s not the greatest relationship on the show, but I think that is is the most passionate one. there’s so many unanswered questions and so many flaws and things to figure out, but in a way that’s the beauty of it. they are crazy about one another. Damon would have turned back into a human for her wtf.

Lorenzo x Bonnie

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH IDCIDCIDC!!!!! there’s finally someone who would put Bonnie above everyone and everything else, themselves included. there’s finally someone who would pick Enzo, who wouldn’t leave him behind and GOD i love these characters and this relationship so much. I think it’s healthy and cute and loving and just. I mean they learn from one another, they grow together. it’s just amazing. I’m not sorry for loving them.

Nora x Mary Louise

I love Nora. Mary Louise not so much tbh. that being said, I think they work. the ships in this category aren’t just the ones that I love. they’re ships that worked and consist of two people who would do anything for one another. Nora and Mary Louise were brave and romantic and absolutely crazy but that’s what made it work. if these two weren’t exactly this way, they wouldn’t have worked. their deaths hurt.

Damon x Alaric

this partly belongs on the ships that should have been, but I think that for a time this really worked. this brotp really thrived at one point in the show and I loved it. there were times that I wanted Alaric to smack Damon upside the head, but still. I think that they worked and that they will only get better once they acknowledge how they’ve both fucked up.

Tyler x Liv

Tyler finally met his match!!!! I know that Liv was hard to deal with, trust me. I also know that Tyler is hard to deal with. I don’t think he’d actually ever loved anyone and trusted anyone nearly as much as he did Liv. I think that Tyler was one of only two humans that Liv actually cared about. Wierd and not my favorite, but they worked.

TVD SHIPS THAT EH

Stefan x Caroline

we meet again. I put them in the eh segment because I don’t entirely hate them. I am a sucker for best friends that bloom into something else, and that’s what they wanted to make this. but I don’t think it worked. I will admit that I love their friendship, though. I love that Stefan helped Caroline with her vampiric abilities, I love that Caroline always had Stefan’s back even when no one else did.

Stefan x Rebekah

yet another girl that Stefan used who deserved better. Rebekah is one of my favorite characters and the fact that Stefan didn’t give her the time of day because of his breakup with Elena and then proceeded to have sex with her for that same reason like????? y r u a prick steffy boy?

Damon x Katherine

I mean it was a hoax but still. Damon didn’t know that. he thought that she loved him, and that she’d be waiting for him in the hole in the ground (sorry my mind is blanking rn) and then they’d confess their love for eachother and BAM. only no BAM, no love, no Katherine. he was only ever a pawn to her.

Matt x Caroline

Matt also deserved better. at this point (when they first started dating), Caroline only cared about herself and Matt didn’t care about himself at all. there was no middle ground for these two, to be hones. I thought they looked nice together, but that’s about it. I think they could maybe have been better down the road but then Matt was all “fuck you, vampires” and Caroline became all “I am the vampires lol bitch”

Tyler x Caroline

to be honest, I was tempted to move this to the ships that sailed but I didn’t only because I never thought that they were endgame. I enjoyed watching the chemistry and the puppy eyes and how Caroline was growing up. I liked that Tyler was more than the temperamental werewolf and Caroline was more than a Barbie bitch. but it didn’t do enough for me. it was a great in between relationship, but it wasn’t a final destination.

Damon x Caroline

I don’t quite get why them hooking up was crucial to the storyline. I mean it was just a display of Damon and Caroline’s characters, but that’s it. that and Damon wanted to annoy his brother.

Jeremy x Anna

pointless. she was cute, he was cute, they were both kids with pent-up anger towards authority, but that was it. Anna was much more intelligent and mature and worldly than he was. I mean sure, she was technically a lot older but still. I don’t know, it was wierd.

Jeremy x Vicki

to be honest, I think all of Jeremy’s were pointless. the only difference with this ones it that he loved Vicki. she was his first love. after her, he became obsessed with his dead girlfriends and forgot about the ones that were real. he was an immature brat for most of the show and then became a notorious fuckboy, so.

[sapphicselenophile]

Salty af rant about Vld s2 ***MAJOR SPOILERS***

alright so I was going to wait to post anything about Season 2 but here I am cause s2 was problematic. Season two was okay.... I didn’t like the Galra Keith theories to start with so yeah i was a little upset but Keith is still my Keith, I’m going to love him to bits and continue my cosplay for him yadayadayada. I don’t like the fact that to focus on one character’s character development they basically threw all the other characters out the window. Like by hopefully see you in season 3??? Lance only really showed up twice or whatever but he still had an essence of his character. And pidge was doing techie stuff obv, (WHY DIDN’T THEY REACT MORE TO MATT LIKE WHAT THE FUCK THEY JUST KINDA WAS LIKE OH BRO AND THEN WENT BACK TO WHAT THEY WERE DOING I’m steaming) but they still had puns here and there. But every time we saw hunk he was either stuck in a whole because he was too fat or getting distracted by food. Hunk is so smart and loving and strong af. That’s what made me fall in love with that big ol nerd. I hated seeing his character reduced to literally any other fat stock character on tv. And Shiro strengthened his bond with the black Lion just to fucking disappear what the hell??? And okay Allura was a trooper and i thought she died so many times but I was a little miffed about her treating Keith differently....like he’s still the exact same person just with new knowledge of the blood in his veins. I get she’s cautious of the galra and she has literally every right to be but this is Keith we’re talking about. He’s not going to suddenly flip to the Galra side. Also everyone just casually knows that Keith is Galra now??? Where was that scene? Was it cut because Lance, Hunk, and Pidge would have to actually be included? Okay but one thing that is going to bug the fucking shit out of me is what is Keith going to do with Red? Red is such a loyal Lion she always ALWAYS helps him when he’s in danger. What is he just going to abandon her to pilot the black Lion? That’s definitely not fair at all to Red. I just hope that everything goes back to normal in s3. Well as normal as it can be.

[ts-hvv4]

EPISODE NINE: “NOW THINGS ARE GETTING MESSIER” - JAKE

So full disclosure, this is the first time i've ever really betrayed a close ally in TS and it feels bad ???? IDK i'm not used to being the bad guy. Honestly, say what you want but Chris' blood is all over my hands. I'm the one who went around telling people that Chris/Malik/Dennis were close and I am the one who was there for the villains as their extra number. I'm not relying on my physical game this season and it's a way different vibe..... should make for an interesting game moving forward

Well, at last nights tribal Chris went home 5-4-3. I was not shocked, I knew that would happen. I also knew that by taking part in that I was pretty much cutting my ties with Dennis and Malik. Malik seems really mad at me, which yeah I get but also I think it wouldn't have been smart to tell him. I needed to show my loyalty to the villains; most of whom do not trust him. I think I've gotten in close enough with the people that have sway in this game (minus Jake) to do some damage moving forward. I am taking this all one day at a time at this point.

WHEW SOOOOOOO the first merge vote happened...I feel like the devil but I look good in red so hehe. BASICALLY I was able to get everyone to target Chris instead of one of the Armonia heroes which was high key about to happen. Both Matt and Nicklas wanted Ned gone and Ned is a ride or die for me so they really thought. Unfortunately it meant the only way I could get the target on Chris was by exposing his idol, because I couldn’t without it. So I told Ned to tell Sarah knowing Sarah would tell The Huntresses. What I did not expect to happen was for her to tell me first and IMMEDIATELY after Ned told her. I think she really trusts me???? Am I starting to trust her???? Do girls really run the world???? So anyways Sarah and I devise a plan to split the vote between Chris and someone else, Matt and Sarah push for Malik and I really wanted to fight it. Not because I wanted to save Malik, fuck him to the fuckteenth degree. But I would have really loved to NOT split the vote against the two only black people on the tribe (now we said it.gif). But standing up for Malik puts a target on OG Armonia and at the end of the day Malik has proven he doesn’t want to work with me so forget you, go home, good bye. I just feel so bad for Chris because I’m the reason he was the target...but it was the best move for me and I don’t care how nice you are, I will always do what I need to, to win. That’s why I’m a villain, that’s why I’m a two time winner, and that’s unfortunately why Chris is the merge boot. Now looking at the merge and my relationships, Ned and I are better than ever. We had another heart to heart and he’s such a stand up guy, I’ve grown to care for him alot in the game. Because of that I can’t betray him at this point, but it’s nice because I don’t think I need to. His inactivity reminds me a lot of L’Shei. A smart loyal ally who only really talks to me...that’s not a bad deal when it comes time to who you vote for at the end. And I’m trying to get him to push his relationship with Sarah and get close to her, so that she will protect him and I won’t have to reveal how close I am to him. Plus with Sarah and I getting closer, I could see us goils going really far together. The only wrench in that is Nicklas knows I was a part of a plan to take her out, so Nicklas continues to be a threat to my game. I want him out faster than a queer in college. BUTTTT it’s hard because he’s tight af with Jake. If I look at the threats to me winning objectively, it’s Nicklas, Jake and Kurt…Nicklas and Jake because they are smart enough to know they need to take me out. Kurt because he’s so likable, he hasn’t pissed anyone off (because I’m doing that for us), and he’s enough of a gamer. Like if Kurt wins against me it’s earned, if I win against Kurt it’s earned, our games are pretty tight. I have no issue getting rid of Nicklas, I have no issue getting rid of Jake when I need to because I know he’ll do the same, I don’t know if I can take Kurt out...I really don’t....I would feel like the worst human on earth. Last time I played I knew there was no way I could win, but this time I want that third crown. The question towards the end of the game is going to be: how fucking much bitch...how fucking much.

*a little bit lateR*

I know that now that i'm not winning immunity FLAKJDS that I need to protect myself. As much as I DESPISE Malik, I know it’s smart to get him on my side right now because he has no one and is desperate...and y'all know how I love desperation hehe, it's a delicious meal with a side of unyielding loyalty. He wants to get an alliance going but I'm telling him that's impossible because of everyone's intertwining connections and the best thing to do is to keep our allegiance to each other a secret so we can keep each other safe from our opposing sides. This is necessary because if people want to make a move against me, they are going to think Malik is an easy number to do that with, so they are going to go to him to make the move, and then he's going to come to me. Covering my bases and this thicc ass. I’m also not going to tell Jake about this, point blank and the period I don’t trust him right now and I need to play him like I did Sid in Tonga, wait for him to start the foundation of a move against me not realizing I got bear traps all along his route. I’m not sure what this next vote is, all I know is I need to keep Malik protected without people thinking Armonia is getting the band back together. Right now my three biggest targets are Nicklas/Dennis/Andreas because I have no relationship with them and I have a relationship with everyone else. I don’t know how to get the vote on one of them because they all have deep connections in the game, but I need to think of something and soon because if not, an Armonia person is leaving and that hurts my game drastically. If I could get the vote on Chris when it was supposed to be Malik or Ned...I can do it again. Also catch my fake ass talking about destroying tribe lines at tribal council KFLJASD

Wow so tribal went very smooth, like butter. Chris is gone, his idol is gone, his kindness is gone, we have no room for any of that here. This is a villains season. And this is great because I’m like “villains strong omg guys” but in the back of my mind I know these shady motherfuckers are gonna start plotting, it’s inevitable. I’d be naive to think otherwise. The only problem with this vote was that it involved lying to Malik which is literally what I’ve been doing this entire game, but this time it’s more direct. It will be exposed and for the first time I risked burning that bridge with him entirely. Luckily he is very easy to manipulate and I feel like after literally two paragraphs and some guilt trips later (because he didn’t include me in on how he was voting, oh boohoo poor me), he was back in my pocket. God I love being evil and beautiful.

I sucked at immunity, which is great! I do not want to come off as a comp threat and give anyone any reason to come at me. I know that sounds like bullshit and it’s like “come on, one immunity won’t kill”. See, I entirely agree, but I want people to underestimate me and consider me weak, at least until f8. The other issue is that I actually already won an immunity this season, pre merge, but it was still individual immunity. I don’t want to rack up wins quite yet. If people think I’m easy to beat, at least comp wise, I have no issue with them keeping me around for that sole reason.

Last night was not good for me!! Once again no one was chatting, while Sarah was keeping me up to date on whats happening in the villains and huntresses groups. THEN Nicklas comes at me from left field and tells me that people know me and Sarah are close friends which was inevitable but I think puts a huge target on me. I took a big risk last round turning on the heroes and if the villains aren't willing to work with me right now I might be in a tangly spot.

Also okay so Andreas did some sleuthing and found some stuff.... SO I was on the wiki and saw this random account edited the Santorini page? So I was curious and clicked on the profile, and it turns out to be Sharifa. Cool enough. SO THEN i see she's active on this 'Survivor: Side Seasons' wiki ???? So once again im curious, I click on it. She made her first edit on this wiki in 4 years on Feb 19th, 4 days after the game began. She removed herself as listed as a host from a season, and turns out that kurt and matt both played in this season. Interesting and also questionable.

Sry I haven’t confused in a hot minute. Okay so we merged and right off the bat it was a little messy between sharifa and nicklas because I’m trying hard to get them to trust each other but sharifa thinks that Nicklas is too smart and will clock us. Tbh at this point I think it’s a lost cause. At the beginning of merge, Kurt tells me that lukas told him that ned told his last tribe that I wanted him to be Ammonia strong, and then Nicklas confirmed that to me and that everyone on his old tribe knows. So I blew up on Ned, who tells me that he told Malik who told Chris and Dennis because they’re close and that he’s really sorry about it. So was kinda annoyed that he was barely on but had time to accidentally almost ruin my game! So the votes happening and all of a sudden the villains chat is working together? Like oh? Someone found out that Chris has an idol and I am fully onboard to target his trio. We decide to split the votes between Chris and Malik and Chris goes. Now things are getting MESSIER. Someone told Sarah that sharifa has been saying her and andreas are friends which is a yikes. I only ever told Nicklas that but never mentioned sharifa saying it. I was hoping for an Andreas blindside because he has connections and is close to Sarah who has an idol, but clearly we got RATS on this island. (Eyes Lukas) Soooo things are probably going to be messy af tonight but I would like to work with Dennis to make a move since he tried building a bridge w me yesterday, but I also know he did it to multiple people so it might not be truly beneficial to me... whatever we’ll see!

Honestly sharifa thinking ned is loyal to her is so funny He told me about chris’s idol and he told sharifa and she be like omg ned pls tell sarah this so we can both know Bitch i already knew bc andreas/ned/I are close af Anyways, nick is starting to say that were close and we just merged so i really dont need that shit so im trying to convince sharifa and the others that he needs to GO matt is awol again so we really need to sort thay shit out. Im in a villains alliance but i want to be the first person to switch on it bc ned/andreas are heroes and i cant have the villains just completely demolishing them bc thats ugly Anyways its so fucking hard protecting them when im in an alliance with CRAZIES

So villains have agreed unanimously again that we’re going to pick off another hero, and because Ned and Andreas proved last tribal that they were willing to work with us, we decided to spare those two. That means once again the vote came down to Malik and Dennis. Sarah and Nicklas were both very outspoken to multiple people that they didn’t want to vote Dennis, which definitely raised some red flags. Why lobby to keep Dennis if you’re not aligned with him and Malik is the perfect goat? It was just very suspicious. ANYWAYS, we convinced Sarah to vote Dennis due to Lukas and I using the logic that Dennis is a much smarter player and it’s dangerous to keep him in, and of course if sarah did have something going with Dennis or any reason to keep him, she sure as shit wasn’t going to fight logic in the villains alliance chat. That would expose her. And she only does well at blowing her shit up behind the scenes, not in the open. So basically where I’m getting at with this is that the vote is going to Dennis by the looks of it.

I realized I won’t give these people the satisfaction of seeing me upset if I leave. It’s not even with the energy or to see them smile and laugh like they accomplished something in their life. Imma just do what I usually do these days is laugh it off and wish everyone the best of luck. Because that’s what a true player does.

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 11: “I Can Either Have Fun and Lose or be boring and lose” - MJ

guess i got stoned

I know I haven't made a confessional is what's probably around two weeks, but there are some things you just don't want to remember and shouldn't bother saying in this heat of the moment so from tomorrow on, we're starting fresh. Or as fresh as you can be when you're 10 feet into a giant hole you dug yourself. 

Dang – my first vote against in the entire game so far, and it was more of the "You rock but I have to vote SOMEONE" variety. Seems like I always get those. Or the avalanche of blindside votes. Not much in between.

Anyway, despite being generally pretty messy as far as tribal councils go, both of mine went as planned/expected. I'd have really liked to save Matt if I could, but MJ was being overbearingly pushy on saving Jake and nobody seemed intent on upsetting the apple cart. Not much you can do when nobody else will follow. Wes and I were pretty much on an island and, with tribe sizes still being this big, it didn't make sense to fracture the tribe. Not when there are still reasonable targets before myself.

Caspian, though, came as a surprise. Wow. Owen was saved from being double-clocked and Logan (!!!) lost a life. Unexpected as hell. But they don't seem too torn up about it, which is excellent. Doubly so because it's the music video challenge.

So why am I in a good spot on this one? Well, for one, I'm pretty good at editing video. For two, I've got Jack/Steffen on Andaman and Logan/Jake/Ruthie on Kabru who can devote all their energy to the one tribe. I can imagine having too many people spread too thin could be an issue, so I'm glad we have a good balance.

Now, why am I in a bad spot? I worry I may have bitten off more than I can chew. I'm responsible for editing two videos and filming myself lip-syncing to them, too. That could be an issue. I really can't procrastinate on it. I'm at work til 4, so I'm spending my day with Victorious (our shape-inspired tune) and The Galaxy is Ours (space, whaddup!) on loop. Hopefully I'll know the lyrics by tonight. And in the meantime I've also started gathering some stock video footage that I think could look badass in the right circumstances.

On the Kabru side, Logan (all-star that they are) has already sent their video my way, and it's absolutely awesome. After the HvV2 video, I'm totally not surprised. They go all out on these comps, and there are probably a very usable 2:15 out of the 3:00 video. If everyone on both my tribes approaches the video with this kind of enthusiasm and commitment, I have a hard time seeing either one lose.

Nobody has yet sent in on Andaman, but it's still super early. Lydia and Jack both sent pictures of their makeup last night (Jack in Skype, Lydia via Snapchat) and they both also knocked it out of the park. Steffen said he'd get on it after class, and I suspect Kait will follow suit. But I know she's also filming two videos so I don't want her getting overwhelmed, either.

As far as my videos, I've got a fairly basic idea for the space video. I might even be able to do a Bowie homage with a red lightning bolt on my face while air-playing my guitar?? Idea just came to me, but it could work. I'd need to do that video after my Kabru video though, otherwise the makeup might leave a mark that I can't immediately get off. I also had an idea involving a lightbulb, but I'll keep that one under wraps for now. Much more fun to see the end result.

As far as the Victorious vid goes... gosh, I really don't know. High energy, high impact, lots of aggression is the guidelines we set for ourselves. I've got some workout gear in the basement – maybe a high-intensity type workout vid? Getting in shape fits the theme too, right? Just spitballing at this point. I won't even be able to put much work in until after work, so I'll be caught up in my head in the meantime.

But.... AAAAGH, I love these comps. Forcing the creative side out usually ends pretty well, especially when others are around to do some of the heavy lifting. Steffen was great in offering ideas last night for the music video. We didn't end up using them because they just didn't fit QUITE right... but it's not an easy thing to be willing to throw out ideas like he did. He's down on himself for not being able to contribute much, but from my perspective he was the only one trying to provide concrete ideas. That gets him some brownie points in my eyes. Four brownie points, to be exact. Four for you, Steffen Coco. You go, Steffen Coco.

Okay, I'm brain-spewing all over the confessional page again. I'mma wrap this up. But I'm ridiculously excited to see what we can come up with here.

Phew. Everyone has been killing it today. Since the last confessional, we got stuff from Kait, Lydia and Jack on the Andaman side, with myself and Steffen still to go. On the Kabru side... less content. But Logan's still a star, and they sent me the intro that's going to kick so much ass paired with the video.

I'm in the hero or goat position right now on both tribes, I think. Andaman has been absolutely crushing it. The only way I see us losing is if I don't pull through on this video. And to do that, we still need a few shots that I'm planning on doing. But I've already gone through the content I've got and made notes on where the best segments are. Should speed my job up tonight a little bit.

As for NuNuKabru (which, it just occurred to me, has the same syllables and cadence as goo goo g'joob) I'm not exceptionally worried. It would be nice to have video from others, but I think Logan and myself alone could make a great video if we have to. Everything else is just a bonus. And fortunately, I know Ruthie's planning on sending something. Pretty sure Jakey is, too. The more, the merrier, and the better content we'll have to make a video we can be proud of.

The music video is horrible and I will never forgive myself if we lose this challenge. THIS IS MY CHALLENGE I HATE IT. Thank god I took over the album creation because my tribe would have been toast.

ummmmm so MJ and Logan went to rocks for me which I'm really grateful for. I know Ryan and Ari and Jenna all really love them and say they're an ANGEL CHILD and I was always like "ya logan is rlly nice" but now like NOW. NOW. NOW THAT LOGAN AND I HAVE TALKED MORE AND LIKE..... THEY DID THAT FOR ME JUST. WOW. I love them so much and I understand why they are so well-liked, because they really did do that selflessly for me and I dfskajhksdj oh wow. MJ idk about. Apparently he had to "flip a coin" in order to decide. And like... He went and told Kait that Jenn had told me that Kait wanted me out, but Jenn thought that I had told Kait and was like "I'm sorry but I can't switch my vote, I don't know what you told Kait but I'm done" or something along those lines and I.... whew. So MJ like.... I don't get it. He could've flipped on me, in which case yeah.... I would've revealed everything he had told me. I have it all written down, and if he crosses me somehow, then without a doubt I'm blowing up the things he said. 

At this point, I need to give up any inkling of confidence or control I might have had some point earlier in this game (which honestly was never that much). Now, it's all about survival. I am literally hanging on like.... by my teeth or whatever the phrase is. I'm terrified. If we lose this immunity (which by the way fuck all of you for making us do this when I had strep and also when I'm on a tribe that needs to win and is dysfunctional af), then I could very well be screwed because Logan drew the rock and Steven, Jenn, and Jimmy all just voted on the same side...twice.

I've been working on building a relationship with Steven. I do genuinely like talking with him, and if anyone is gonna maybe flip to help me, it COULD be him... Especially if Steffen talks to him about the whole Kait/Jenn/Jimmy thing. But idk

MY LAST CONFESSIONAL SUBMITTED WIHTOUT ME BEING DONE SORRY

anyways... STeven. Idk why he'd go against people who just went to rocks for him. And then... Maybe I could try to turn the three of them AGAINST MJ, but I seriously doubt it. And if MJ is INTENDING to stay loyal to me, then I could end up burning the one connection I have.

And theeeen there's Jenn. Idk if there was ever any hope of her switching her vote last time. Maybe she never planned on it. But we talked for nearly an hour before she thought I told Kait something.

I waited a couple of days before talking to her again, and I just kind of told her that I didn't want to ruin anything personal between her and Kait or her and I. I still like both Kait and Jenn as people, and I don't want there to be any hard feelings about anything that happens in the game. That has always been my philosophy. I'm a little bit hurt that Kait completely lied to me for honestly no reason... She didn't HAVE to come to me and say she was "so upset" like.... If she wanted me to be dead meat, and I'm already not on a tribe with her, and she ISN'T talking to me now, why did she have to be fake in the first place? Idk. I guess I'll find out after the season ends. I won't hold a grudge over it though, I'm sure she thought she had to or something. oh well :~) All it did was take the very little trust I had left in her after the not voting Jimmy and not submitting her immunity thing and...completely destroy it!!! Whew. Like I am justified now in any action I can possibly make against her (not like that time will ever come).

I don't know if I could reach out to Jenn if we end up going to tribal. Regardless, I may have options. Very few options, but options nonetheless.

I mentioned in a prior confessional that I wanted to see the Malaysia trio CHOKE kfdshfdj in the game, and yeah... That's still true. I don't want any of them to make it far at this point (if they do, good on them). But I want to make myself very clear in saying that that is on a game level only. Personally, I enjoy all three of them, and I think they're great people, and I don't wish them any harm. But they've all wronged me in this game way more than I've wronged them. If I can get one of them to trust me again, that could be ideal (like Jenn...) but unfortunately, it seems hella impossible.

Please let us somehow, by some miracle, win immunity. I will praise the all star gods that be if I can just get SOME SORT of break here. I NEED it.

im getting a really awkward vibe from people on kabru.

at least im safe on andaman i guess, but im so paranoid that even pat bit my head off so! who knows i might be going but i just gotta hope.

im willing to flip the game, if other people are.

i cant believe challenge results ruined my entire day. time to die.

Steven said he'd talk to me tomorrow which is good. The problem is like... MJ has hardly talked to me since the vote tied initially. I don't get it. He went to rocks for me and like legitimately risked his alliance with Kait and Jenn in order to protect me and....idk. He HAS been going back to school though, so I don't blame him and idk. He's probably as tired of this as we ALL ARE.

If MJ sticks with me and I can somehow flip Steven, that'll be good.

Otherwise... I go to Jenn. And try my damnedest. 

jessy, i said id work with jake. lets see if this works.

if me, ruthie, and mj vote together we can take control of this tribe? but idk about mj. mj's insane and is playing a gr8 game everyone loves him. but. lets hope he tries to mix SOMETHING up.

Well, one out of two ain't bad. 

I feel pretty bad about the terrible video quality on the Kabru video. With more time, I could have salvaged it. But we were pressed right up against the time limit. I got the video in with one minute to spare. Remind me never to sign up to edit two videos again.

I'm glad we killed on Andaman, though. Everyone kicked ass (except Carson, who did nothing because it "wasn't a good time for him." Sorry, dude, but we're all busy.) I feel like Andaman would've been an easy vote for that reason, but I'm glad we didn't need to go there. I'm especially impressed with Jack for the booklet and the trading cards. He went to infinity and beyond. (See what I did there?!) But everyone who participated really carried their weight, and that was a hard-earned win.

On Kabru, I take a lot of responsibility for the way that went. My video was not the best quality, and it was hard to edit a cohesive video with such mediocre content from myself. Ruthie had some usable clips that improved the video, and Logan, as mentioned in my previous confessionals, thoroughly killed it. IMO, they carried a lot of that video.

Where we lost the points was adherence to the theme, which... ehh. I thought we did a good job of outside the box thinking, but I guess the judges disagreed. C'est la vie. (Oh, and @Jenn Tramkellan @Justin, YOU try memorizing lyrics to two completely new songs in less than a day!!!)

Anyway, I think Jenn's comments about this tribe being full of clowns isn't entirely wrong. It would've been so much better to have more people contributing to the video. Out of seven people, we had three contribute to arguably the most visible part. Credit to MJ and Wes, the cover art was beautiful and the execution was fantastic. But some more support from a video perspective would've been appreciated. I was expecting more footage than we got, and had to use a lot of stock footage as a result. Had I known what we were getting, I might've tried to incorporate more.

Anyway, no sense looking in the past. This tribal is looking more or less straightforward. I think most of us are on board with taking out someone who didn't contribute on this challenge. MJ might object on this tribe, given his links to Carson and Jake, but I'm not playing MJ's game. I'm playing my own.

He's probably going to target Ruthie, but I'm not writing her name down this round. For one, she's taken enough hits recently, and two, she was a key contributor to the video. 

With a merge incoming, the thought of taking out a competitor is crossing my mind. I haven't made it a secret that I want Jake out, and this round is no different... but a part of me would feel bad taking him out now, given his circumstances. I hope his friend gets better. 

It sounds like Carson might have stuff going on in his life, too? But literally the only thing he said was "I'm so sorry for not helping that much but this is just not a challenge good for me at this time". And... it wasn't exactly a great time for me to put in five straight hours of recording and editing, either. But that's the name of the game, right? 

Anyway, I'm going to push Jake a little bit if the opportunity arises, but I already get the sense that Carson's name will get a lot more traction. And this is prime 'anybody-but-me' territory, especially with a presumed merge looming.

Anyway, this game has gotten past the super stressful portion. I'm doing better than I expected already. Since this round started, I've just been having a ball. This is the most fun I've had in a game since early October when I was still delusionally happy in Crusade.

Yikes I gave up on these. Literally had heart palpitations over the revote and all that jazz and luckily the rock draw worked in my favour but honestly now I'm starting to develop some personal dilemmas. Owen has been talking to me a lot more now and I know it's because we're both on deaths door waiting for someone to take our last lives. Kinda puts me in a predicament though if I were to work with him. I feel I may have revealed too much so he may #expose me but meh tbh LOL. He has good motives tbh. He brought up about us outsiders trying to band together if we can all survive....which all tea all shade I really want to do, especially with my tea time queens Ruthie & Steffen if they make it. I'm not sure what tribe Ruthie is even on though so if they were to boot her and I made a move I'd be down one. However Lydia has told me she feels kinda lost in her group, obviously. Only thing is every time she talks to me she disappears after 2 messages like hun. I need a convo not a passing hi. Anyways I know she likes Owen cuz of things and I know we have our past experience together, both good and bad but we could work something. I just feel with every group I go to I'd be thrust to the bottom. I think the Malaysia 3 want me as a number should a splinter in the two lifer group happen, which it will have to eventually. I just don't know what to do. It would really hurt my personal character to boot Jenn or Jimmy. I would vote MJ, if Owen would to survive. However that means flipping the Malaysia pair which may not happen because they probably don't want so many people left with 1 life b/c of them. I need to be careful not to put my eggs in too many baskets because knowing my luck a fucking elephant would stop over all of them. 

mmmmmmmmmmmm im trying to be quiet this round idk. just hoping for the best for tribal tonight. not much has really been happening on my end bc ive been busy, but yesterday i mostly just tried to do some light damage control w the malaysia ppl.

im the only person going to both tribals this round which makes me v nervous. jake is getting targeted on our tribe and the only way i can save him is if he, ruthie, carson, and i all vote for logan (blindside). which would suck bc i like logan a lot.

the issue w that is that im gonna be alienating pat and wes and theyre really gonna feel like they cant trust me after that if that's what i decide to do. the only like, thing that like...idk. im just thinking like, its still early in the game (f15!), are they really gonna hold a grudge against me for the rest of the game, especially with a merge literally right around the corner? but ugh. its just v messy. i hate being the middle man and having to make decisions like this. i feel like ppl (pat and wes) will be intimidated by me if i go thru with this logan thing. it just really sucks. idk. voting out logan would make kait suspicious of me too its just all a big mess.

i really dont want jake to leave tonight because i think that would be really boring and tbh i dont think he deserves to go pre merge? like he already lost his closest all early in the game like... that sucks. nobody gave him a chance to play and he was just constantly given a bad hand. obvs him blowing up when he got voted out of A didnt help v much but like........ whatever. jake staying in is good for my game. its better for my game than for anyone else's. this is gonna seem v selfish of me but ive played selflessly in all of my other seasons, helping GROUPS of people as well as helping myself, and that's only gotten me the win ONCE. so clearly i need to play it differently here. i should benefit myself more than others.

additionally like.....its already v unlikely ppl will let me get to the end so i might as well try to make this season interesting and keep ppl on their toes so they play harder. i can either have fun and lose or be boring and lose, so obvs im gonna take the fun route at this point.

i need to talk to carson to get him on board with this and hope for the best. jake leaving would be a p bad hit to my game anyways.

I can't wait to be idoled out tonight. Please god, Ryan, Jules, Ari and Jessica make the merge be after this tribal council. I can deal with the disadvantage myself but I'm sick of these tribes. 

AHHHH

stuff is actually happening in this game

im willing to make a move with jake because i feel like im on the bottom and i owe jessy and jake.

however, while jake and co are not certain about if not mj will flip, i think ruthie might flip because shes pretty much saying that she'll flip on jake.

while others might not see ruthie as a threat, like i havent, i definitely see her as one now.

BUT, if we can pull thsi flip off with me mj jake and ruthie, and get out logan, thatll be PERFECT, because something will actually happen in this game. im nto too worried about repercussions because... fuck that. im playing for fun

soooooo I've made a lot of progress with Steven today. He said nobody had really talked to him yet fsdkjdfshj so it's a good thing I did. Last round, Jenn so kindly emphasized to me the fact that she's worried that I'm going to form some sort of super counter-alliance with Steffen, Ruthie, Jake, Lydia, myself, and Steven and some others... Which was not true before. But now? Thanks for the idea, Jenn!!! hehehehehe :~)

I went to Steven and said basically like... There's a big group of people running things, look at who has two lives and at who has one and it's pretty clear. And I appealed to the part of him that has been just trying to survive these last few votes and told him if we joined forces with people like Steffen and Ruthie (who I knew he likes) then we had a chance to be making a change and making moves instead of being used!!!! And he said he agreed :~) He said he was morally concerned bc Jenn and Jimmy went to rocks for him but... I dont' think he'd have any reason to lie to me. And we talked for a loooooong time about all the group dynamics and how something needs to be done. I genuinely like the guy and I think he feels the same about me and if he isn't lying to me then damn I have a CHANCE in this game again.

I told MJ to go and talk to Steven and Steven was gonna talk to MJ and... If they can just decide on a damn name then whew. whew. whew. whew. whew. Pleaseeeeee Lady Gaga and other goddesses above let me have this one more chance. I need to make it a little further. 

I've always talked about how I have a lot to prove and I CANNOT fathom coming in a place that is DOUBLE DIGITS again after FUCKING OLYMPICS. I'm DONE with that! Awful horrible scary time. I need to make the merge at least or jury or something, hot DAMN

I might not be dead yet

coup ko͞o/ noun 1.a sudden, violent, and illegal seizure of power from a government.

Get ready, bitches. A coup is coming.

#SURVIVORNOTFRIENDVIVOR lets get this hashtag trending!  A possible alliance with MJ, Carson and Jakey?  SIGN ME THE FUCK UP!  It sucks because I love Logan and Pat (Wes I could care less about tbh because I feel that he hates me :/)  I'm just ready for big moves and for the game to really start. I have no idea of what we're doing but I'm so ready for this, bring on the fireworks <3

ok but also i'm probably screwed anyways rip

im nervous now bc even if ONE thing goes wrong, this plan is ruined.

if even ONE person rats, this might blow up in my face.

guess thats the problem with big moves, huh? 

we'll see what happens i guess

oh wow im a flop with confessionals huh... anyway just when u think im down and out i keep on kicking! I will not DIE in this game, @jenn remember sarawak?? u should know by now never to count me out!! mj and carson and voting with ruthie and i to blindside.... basically everyone in the game LJFLJKFKLJ. IM LITERALLY SHOOOOOK THAT I GOT CARSON TO DO THIS LIKE I DIDNT THINK HE WOULD... cause hes such a "idw rock the boat D:" type of player. but i literally sucked his ass these past two days to get his vote like im literally exhausted LKJHF.. mj wouldnt go to carson about it so i had to convince carson of it so carson goes to mj and im just shook that happened..

its funny bc logan is mesaging me like "sorry ur going :(" LKJHFLKJHF

me: omg its okay i knew it would happen :( i hope u do well!

KLJFHKLJF GODDDD... sucks bc i like logan WAY more than wes and pat but they have way too many ties and they only have one life left so we need to get them out NOW because if they make it to merge/swap theyre literally SET to WIN this game. no fucking joke. sorry logan if ur seeing this bc you were the nicest to me this whole time on this tribe but i have no other means of survival.

i cant wait for everyone to literally be shook it will truly be something. theres a chance carson is lying to mj/me/ruthie but that would be so stupid of him?? i hope he has enough intelligence to pull this off! i have faith in humanity! yeah, wish pat had one life kljfh

WHY! Why do I get so attached to people? Literally the last few days I've been talking to Owen a lot and I feel he's a strong potential ally but I've had to play fake because despite Owen's suggestions MJ hasn't seemed to bite Owen's idea so I also can't have it even just as an option. Ideally I would like to vote off MJ because out of everyone on this tribe he's extremely connected and he has no relevance to my game, nor me his. It leaves me yet again with a dilemma. I'm half tempted before tribal to send Owen my fake idol which seems kinda legit and say I'd play it on him if he voted MJ. Only thing is I'd have to get Jenn or Jimmy to also switch to MJ and when it's proven the idol is fake by not being played I've pretty much lied to everyone so I'm like? I don't think I could do that much for someone who so staunchly wanted me out only a week ago. It's hard because I like his motives further down the line, and he's also connected to those I'd like to hook in with. I don't know. I know I've had to play the liar tonight and I really don't like it. It's not me and it's not kind. False hope is worse than knowing you're leaving, and boy do I know how it feels. 

Why does everyone I get attached to leave as soon as it happens? If I somehow magically leave tonight then damn, but in all fairness I have no connections anyway? The Malay 3 is a nice group to be attached to, because I know they're carrying me a long, but I don't think people are attuned to the extent we're aligned, or how prepared I would be to chop ties. 

Steven's been quiet for the past hour. I think I'm gonna take that aaaas he's voting me out. So if this is it, peace out, it's been a little bit fun and mostly hell.

History sure does repeat itself, huh! Last TS season I was in: hosted by Ryan, 25 people, small ass tribes, and me getting screwed over by a group who were already friends.

sounds a lot like this game

So hey felicia, AND I HAD TO DEAL WITH RUTHIE THROWING HERSELF UNDER TO, even to the point to save my game in the future which is great, but like that still means I lose an ally, which is annoying, and honestly, had I not been skating by with 1 life, I would've been a lot more aggressive.....or I would've still been crying in a corner, which one is more realistic tbh.

But anyways, we now got a couple of days to do the music industry challenge, which is like the general lip sync comps that I LERV, but with a bunch of this extra shiva, so Im rolling in pain here, but here my team comes in clutch, Pat and Jack win us immunity and I MADE DAY 29 OFFICIALLY, IM AT DAY 100 I CAME AND I DID WHAT I NEEDED TO DO!!!!!!!! But now I need to continue whatever the heck I'm doing and if this is not merge, WHICH WOULD BE EVIL YA BUMS, I will literally die cause this is 10 people left in each game, like what freaking else am I going to be able to do. Especially with freaking someone having an idol, and yes someone (probably Carson) has an idol, cause Owen got the clue from Alex, but someone got it at the volcano which is dumb as heck, or not really dumb but now Im skating on eggshells again cause this aint gucci at all.

So as we won immunity, we got to go to the adventure again, and UNFORTUNATELY, I made Lydia waste 2 of her lives on mercury cause I can't figure that out, but APPARENTLY, I figured out the way to safely get through Jupiter, but I couldn't beat the flash game so now Im sitting here without the ability, so now Im here trying to get Pat to do it too, and turns out THIS FLASHGAME IS HIS JAM, but I'm also sitting here with a Danny Devito picture and a crying Pat and rn this just feels weird.....BUT IM ROLLING WITH IT.

So now Im waiting for tribal to happen, waiting to see what hell is raised and hoping for merge real quick but who even knows at this point, Owen feels dead and Steven ain't telling me anything but Im also here predicting immunity results

On 1/30/17, at 8:54 PM, Steffen Bøhn wrote: > I stay safe in game a On 1/30/17, at 8:54 PM, Steffen Bøhn wrote: > how about you stay safe in game b remember when I quoted the future

that was in a pm with Jimmy

Like back off Raven cause Steffen is in town, *hair flips*, anyways gonna die like a bum, so lets see what the announcement will be tonight.

and that's how owen died

I hope MJ gets blown up somehow. He's playing the best game wihtout a doubt.

I didn't expect it to hurt this much but I think it's because I know if I would've survive this then I could've gone to merge and jury. I would've been okay with just...making it to that point. I'm really upset now though and idk what to do. I'm sure it'll be fine. I just wanted a lot of things very badly and idk anymore kdfsjhdsfkjfhdskj

I'm a little upset with Kait for not ever messaging me at all like....even now? Nothing? Idk. I don't know if I'll feel upset at these people for a long time or what. I think I just need to take some time away.

Thank you hosts for a great game and a great twist. A lot of things didn't go my way and I really really really really wish they would have :(