#( nate ; self para ! )

[alara-kahya]

"Things end, that's all. Everything ends, and it's always sad. But everything begins again, and that's always happy." - 12th Doctor.

Self Para: Post break-up, 3 days later. Involved: Jayden Cross (deceased), her mom & Kian. Mentions: Nate Donovan & Emiri Tezel. Location/s: Cemetery & her home. Triggers: Death, grief, heartache.

"So, yeah, that's it. Sorry to come and bring bad news, I just... Well, selfishly I guess I thought it would help." Sighing as she sat on the ground in front of Jayden's grave, she tucked her knees into her chest and decided to just wallow for a minute. It was day three since Nate had walked out and aside from this right here, she hadn't told anyone. Not her mom, not even Emiri. What was she supposed to say? "I don't know how to talk about it with anyone else, or maybe I'm just scared to." Yeah, that felt more accurate. Alara had worked so incredibly hard over the years to shape herself into a strong and confident woman, it was difficult for her to show that she was still capable of being hurt. "I know what you'd say, I even know what you'd do, you would hug me and tell me to call my mom. Actually, you'd probably call her yourself. You can't beat a hug from your mom." She chuckles, saying something that Jayden used to say about her mother. Honestly, he was as close to an adopted child as her mom had, it broke her too when he died.

The soft laugh soon turned into a sniffle and before she knew it, she was choking back a sob and desperately wiping at the tears that spilled over her eyes. "How did I let this happen again," she puffed out a breath, still somehow laughing between crying, though it was far from a place of amusement. "I did what you always wanted me to do and I took a chance. Now look at me, right back to square one and you're not even here for me to say it's all your fault." Joking, but the words only made her miserable. "I feel like a fool, I really thought if I just kept patience, he'd find his moment and talk to me. Now I'm wondering if I should have pushed harder? And then I hate myself for thinking this could be my fault, because it isn't, is it? I gave him everything, and it just wasn't enough, how am I supposed to accept that? How can I when I don't understand." Groaning, what she does understand now is why she chose to come here and talk to a headstone over someone who could actually support her. Emotional and manic wasn't her best look, she wanted to try and vent a lot of it out before she turned to her family and friends. "It just hurts, it... yeah, it hurts."

The ache that swirled all around her insides only rippled outwards until it felt like even breathing in was painful. "I'm so lost without you, Jj, I miss you so much. So much." It wasn't fair. A thought that she seemed to be thinking a lot lately. Nothing was ever fair and she couldn't stand it. "You don't know what I'd give to go back, even if it was just to see you one last time." She lost herself when he had died, that much was clear to everyone who loved her, but what a lot of them didn't realize was that she never truly recovered. A part of her was still lost, still trying to claw it's way back but it never would. There was an empty space there in her heart that belonged entirely to her best friend. Sighing, she swiped more tears away and climbed up to her feet, staying crouched as her brown eyes lingered over his name. "Love you. I'll be back in a couple days, I'll bring beer." With a sad smile and a soft hand pressed against the cold stone, she takes a deep breath and turns to leave. Hopefully looking a little less blurry-eyed by the time she got home to greet her mother.

"Hey," calling out as she drops her bag at the door. "Sorry I'm late, work ran over and then I got talking to Jay," a statement that wasn't out the ordinary, it was never unusual for her to visit the cemetery just to keep her lost friend upto date on her life. "That's ok, sweetie. Little man is all tucked up, he's just waiting for a hug," her mom smiles, though she can't help but eye Alara with mild suspicion. "Everything ok?" Hard not to notice bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks when they were right in front of you, but it wasn't just that. It was something Kian had told her while they ate dinner. That he heard his mommy crying in the middle of the night. "Yeah, I'll go give him his hug," shying away from her gaze, she knew she couldn't talk about it right now, not while her son was waiting for her.

Making her way up the stairs, she does her best to rub the mascara away and go in his room with a warm greeting. "Hello my beautiful baby. Sorry I missed dinner." Walking over to sit on the end of his bed, her smile actually reaching her eyes just at the sight of him. "That's okay, but nanna made me eat sweetcorn," he pulled a blegh face and shuffled out his covers to envelope his arms around her. An action that had her eyes stinging with a fresh set of tears as she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed. "I didn't tell her sweetcorn is on the no no list now." Chuckling, she kisses at the top of his head, and holds him tight, finding a warm comfort that only he could ever really provide. It almost made her unwilling to tuck him back in, but she did, somehow resisting the urge to just lay down with him. "Mommy?" Innocent eyes peer up at her as she strokes his hair. "Are you sad?"

The question made her heart hurt, she never wanted to be sad in front of him but she should have known, he was always very perceptive. "I'm a little bit sad, yeah. Missing your Uncle Jayden a lot today." It wasn't a lie, and she obviously wasn't going to tell her four-year-old child about her breakup. "It's okay to be sad sometimes, as long as you know how to make yourself happy again, and I do, so don't worry." Nodding, she wasn't sure that part was quite true, not as things stood. "How do you do that?" He asks, making her laugh softly. "Well, I just look at you and all that sadness goes away. You know what I always tell you, I'm the luckiest mommy in the world to have a baby as kind and loving as you. But it's late, so close your eyes and dream nice dreams. I love you." Leaning forward to kiss his head, she waits for him to say it back and gently leaves the room, door ajar just how he liked it.

As soon as he was out of sight, she has her hands pressed over her mouth, silencing the hiccup and quickly making her way to her room. Washing up and getting into her pj's, she's surprised when she sees her mom still here, waiting for her on the sofa. "Now that your baby is settled, let me settle mine..." Patting a hand on the sofa, Alara looks between her and the spot, wary, almost timid. She didn't want to break, but damn, it didn't matter how old she got, a mother's influence was always the instinctive way to run. And so, she grabs a blanket and walks over, settling herself closely by her side, head on her shoulder and arm around her front, allowing her mother to just be there and hold her.

"Jayden was never wrong about this, can't beat one of your hugs." Smiling as she sits up, she doesn't bother to hide the sad defeat in her eyes, instead, she just shrugs. "Nate and I are done. He'd rather spiral than lean on me. I tried, but... It's pretty impossible to fight for someone who doesn't want to be fought for." The corners of her eyes crease as she tries to say it with a calm tone. As soon as she hears her mom say she's sorry, she shakes her head, trying to tell her she didn't really have anything else to say, except maybe... "You know what the worst part is? I never forgot how crap this feels, I broke my own promise never to put myself back in a position where I can be hurt because... I managed to convince myself that this time, it wouldn't end with tears."

And in a gesture to her own, she scoffs a sad half-laugh and tries to swallow the lump in her throat. She appreciates that her mom gives her the time to talk without interrupting, the squeeze on her arm is comforting enough without making her feel crowded. "Maybe I'm just not meant to be in a relationship. Some people aren't, and that's fine. I was happy by myself, I can be that way again." Nodding, "Yeah. It's fine. I'm- I'll be fine." Maybe if she said it enough, she would actually start to believe it. "Alara..." That soft tone of a concerned mother had her sucking in a breath as she shakes her head. "Don't. Please, just don't. I don't need you to say anything." She practically insists, misty brown eyes lifting up to hers only to close with a shaky sigh. "Okay, sweetie. I won't. But you should go get me some pajamas because I'll be staying here tonight." Her mom says, lifting a hand up to Alara's cheek, hoping that she wouldn't protest. Truthfully, she didn't have the energy, and not being alone sounded far better. "Thank you."

[hollowmuses]

Writting challange || Pink Skyes || An Avery self-para ||

They were looking out the window, as they try to gather back their inspirarion, Avery sighs, this song was driving them insane they were stuck, unsure how to continue the lyrics, as they look out the window they noticed the pink shade in the sky as the day was coming to an end, Avery stares at the sky as the memory hits their mind, unable to hold on a smile.

*15 years ago*

Six years old Avery was sitting in the front porch with his dad, his dad playing a soft melody on his guitar as little Avery played with his toys,the little boy looked up, he noticed the different pink coloration of the sky, he called out to his dad, "Daddy?" Placing his hand over the guitar strings to hear his son, he looked over at the boy, "Why is the sky pink?" Avery asks poiting over at the sky. "I... Honestly don't know," his dad says as he puts down the guitar getting up from his sit, "But don't be scared, its just the way nature works, I guess," his dad smiles, though Avery is clearly not happy with this reply, he wants to know why. Why does nature give the sky such colors? He doesn't want to throw a trantrum, but he can't help a pout on his lips, which his dad notices, he gets down in front of his son, opening his arms for him, "Come here. I'll make you a deal," Avery set the toy down, running into his dad's arms, trying not to cry, he's not a baby anymore, anyway, he thinks, "Alright," dad says as he gets up with him on his arms, "how about you help me make dinner for dad? he should be coming home very soon, and then you can ask him why is the sky pink and everything you want, I'm sure he knows. He's a very smart man," Avery beans, nodding his head, "Okay! What are we making?" The little boy asks, as his dad carries him inside, "How about...spaguetti? We haven't had that in a while," the boy agrees, "Okay, dad, but we can't make another mess, though" the boy says in a serious tone of voice making his dad chuckle, as they got inside,dad playfully thows Avery on the couch, leaning down to tickle him, "You're starting to sound way too much like your dad!" He says, making the boy laugh as he tickles him, "Come on, lets make that dinner" the man says, reacing out his hand for Avery to take, still giggling he gets up, grabbing his dad's hand heading over to the kitchen.

*Present*

Still Smiling at the memory, Avery grabs their phone, taking a picture of the sky, "Hey, guys, why is the sky pink? 😝" Avery write in the picture's caption they send to the group chat they had with their dads.

[nathcnielarchibald]

Everything comes with conditions Everyone's got their dirty dishes I've got these memories Stuck in my head, and they won't leave Filling up my treetops with these crows I wish that they would go This life is such a ride I live until I die I walk into the fire I'm searching for the higher ground What a life I live until I die Won't fail unless I try

[lavendarl-ing]

seventeen as heartbreaking filipino phrases that ruin me (w/ english translations)

genre: angst

a/n: being bored in class does things to me (my first post's emo twin sibling bc we can't always have nice things and i would rather feel self-inflicted emotional pain than listen in calculus 💗 the impulsive thoughts won today...) i appreciate any form of feedback but i'd also love to hear your thoughts tyyy (///￣ ￣///)

choi seungcheol — "walang 'tayo.'" (there is no 'us.')

yoon jeonghan — "iba ang mahal ko." (i love someone else.)

joshua hong — "hindi tayo pwede." (we can't be together.)

wen junhui — "ubos na pagmamahal ko." (i ran out of love to give.)

kwon soonyoung — "hindi ba ako naging sapat?" (was i not enough?) 

jeon wonwoo — "ang huling hiling ko ay mapasaya ka niya." (my last wish is that they make you happy.)

lee jihoon — "'wag na." (don't.)

xu minghao — "baka sa susunod nating habangbuhay." (maybe in our next lifetime.)

kim mingyu — "meron pa ba?" (what’s left between us?)

lee seokmin — "mahirap ipaglaban ang hindi itinadhana." (it's hard to fight for what isn't meant to be.)

boo seungkwan — "iniwan mo ako." (you left me.)

vernon chwe — "pagod na ako." (i'm so tired.)

lee chan — "umasa ako para lang sa wala." (i got my hopes up for nothing.)

[the-transid-gacha]

Name(s): your choice

Gender(s): masculine aligned, you choose overall

Orientation(s): you choose

TransID(s): TransHarmed, TransAngel, TransAge, TransAbled, you can choose overall

CisID(s): Chronic back pain, GERD, Diabetes, BPD, ASPD, NPD

Pronoun(s): masculine aligned, you choose

Species(s): Angel, shapeshifter

Age(s): 12-19

Source(s): brainmade

Role(s): Physical Symptom holder

Small bubble about appearance if you already have an idea: I imagine mostly white with rose gold, definitely has multiple eyes (overall you can choose)

We can also add (Upon request): n/a

Like(s): you choose

Dislike(s): you choose

Personality trait(s): Reserved, Tired, Loyal, overall you choose

Face claim(s): you choose

Para(s): Traumaphile, you choose overall

Emoji Signoff(s): you choose

Names: Simon, Nate, or Liam

Genders: Boyflux & Angelgender

Orientations: Aromantic & Bisexual

TransIDs: TransHarmed, TransAngel, TransAge, TransAbled, TransStudent, TransGod, TransDyslexic, TransDiabetic, TransHyperFixations, & TransSympathetic

CisIDs: Chronic back pain, GERD, Diabetes, BPD, ASPD, NPD, & when in human form has to use arm crutches

Pronouns: He/Him, Hx/Hxm, & H!/H!m

Species: Angel / Shapeshifter

Ages: Ageslider 12-19

Sources: N/A / Brainmade

Role: Physical symptom holder

Personality traits: Reserved, Tired, Loyal, Polite, Studious, & Charismatic

Likes: Reading, Writing, Flying, Self soothing, classical music, & studying

Dislikes: Judgement, Discourse, Country music, Video games, Anyone with power over him, & Extremely childish people

Paras: Traumaphile, Exhibitionist, Voyeurist, & Masochist

Emoji Signoffs: 🪙🪽

Appearance:

mostly white with rose gold color palette

multiple eyes

Fluffy hair

strawberry blond hair

tall

Left is main form right is his more human form

Here you go dear-

-Vex

[akonaman]

To my younger self --

Dyan ka na lang nakakapagod dito. I could now buy your favorite hamburger from jollibee na hindi na maghihintay ng pasko. Nakaka kwentuhan mo na si mama na halos di mo magawa noon. Di ka pa teacher kase narealize mo na hindi yun para sayo. You can now easily find ways how to get what you want without fearing that bullies might get important things from you. You have now few friends you can eat at a table. Hindi ka na sa cr kumakain pag recess. Wala ng bullies na naghahabol sayo sa gate pag di mo sila pinakopya. You are now advocating for truth and you are now making people be held accountable for their actions. Impatient ka pa rin dito pero atleast di ka na nagtatrantums kay lola. Kase wala na si lola. Life is really hard but i think it's better here. Our fingers have grown and could now hold hands with the little version of you, ally. Paborito pa rin natin yung dilis na red at kaya ko ng magluto ng paborito nating spaghetti kahit walang may birthday. Di pa tayo ganun kayaman pero wala na tayo sa laylayan. Ang dami na nating damit dito, binili ko lahat ng gusto mo. Haha. I hope i could make you proud someday by getting up each day happy with what you're doing. I am now giving everything we wanted as a child kay ally. I am healing you through her. ❤️

[deeyaan]

Happy Independence Day. 🇵🇭

Sana maging malaya na tayo sa mga bagay na naghohold na gawin yong mga nakakapagpasaya at nakakapagpabuti para sa atin. Alisin na ang takot.

Sana palayain na natin ang mga sarili sa mga bagay at sitwasyon na nagbigay sa atin ng trauma at nagpababa ng ating self-esteem.

Sana maging malaya na tayo sa mga bagay na pilit padin nating hinahawakan kahit alam naman nating wala naman na tayong magagawa. (bad and good memories)

Mahigpit na yakap sa lahat. Good morning

[ysapawithfeelings]

Teleporting back to 2018

Dear 2018 self,

I can’t deny I miss you sometimes and the kind of life you were leaning to back then, but I also can’t deny how thankful I am for how far you’ve come. Is it possible to feel proud and humbled at the same time? I think there are very rare intersection points in one’s life when that can happen.

I look back and I can still feel the pain and anguish of dealing with polycystic ovaries: the obesity, the hairy arms, the falling hair, the persistent acne, the severe bleeding that lasted weeks-on-end, the anemia and fluctuating blood sugar, the constant struggle of enduring dysmenorrhea, the medicines (oh God, the medicines); the self-worth questioning, the self-loathing, the horrible days you just didn’t want to be around people, but you really had no choice. Hey, the list can go on all day.

I feel like hugging you and assuring you everything will turn out okay. That you will go through hell and back and back again, but you will make it. That the quest of rediscovering yourself and the lengths of what you can do to fulfill THAT is amazing; and that starting over from scratch at 30+ years of age is not only possible—it’s doable. Gasgas na itong linyang ‘to, but it only gets even truer with time: what a journey it has been.

To everyone suffering from PCOS and obesity, I see you. You’re not alone. The fight against it will, unfortunately, last forever—because it can come back. Every now and then, I feel paralyzing fear that it will come back, especially when I know I’ve gained weight. Still, there are days I refuse to move at all because exercise is not only exhausting; it can get pretty boring. Aminin na natin. :p

But that’s why it’s so important to look back. I think that’s the secret weapon. The secret ingredient. The secret that’s not really a secret because everyone has known it all along. Lumingon para maalalang malayo pa, pero malayo na.

Mahigpit na yakap sa lahat ng mga may problema sa matres, sa timbang, sa mga kamag-anak o kakilala nating mahilig pumuna ng mali o kulang sa’yo (kahit wala namang silang kahit anong ambag sa buhay mo), at higit sa lahat: sa pagiging babae. Womanhood is A LOT of things; being easy will never be one of them.

I write this letter with love and forgiveness for my 2018 self. I may weigh some kilos less now, but I will keep on looking back and loving you more each time that I do. And I write this letter with love for all the women battling against this f*cking ugly disease. We can fight it together. Let’s root for each other.

Love,

2024 me

[chaoticwolfmoore]

The Letter || Avery's self para

Avery was sitting in his living room pen in hand, he nervously taps with it on the notebook, he's been thinking about Jesse's idea of wtting a letter to his dads, and that's actually smart, theres not a lot you could say over text and he wasn't sure he was ready to hear his dads voices. Taking a deep breath, Ave starts.

"Hey, guys. It's me. Avery, the missing Son. To be honest I don't even know where to start. I guess I'll start with I'm sorry. To you both. I'm sorry I hit you (we'll come back to this) and I'm sorry I run without a word. I'm not gonna tell you guys where I am because i know it'll make it harder, you'll want to find me and I don't wanna be found. Not yet. I'm sorry for that too.

I'm okay. I've met some new people here and they have been helping me with my issues. Jesse is here too. (Remember him?) And Tyler (not my cousin but my old college roomate) I'm making friends and finding my new Path. I wish I could explain more but I can't.

It has to do with that night. The accident. Thats all I can say. My anger issues are back. But it's worse this time. A lot wrose. When that fight happen I knew I couldn't be around you guys, because there was no way I was gonna let that happen again. And dad (Axel) I'm sorry again, I know you kept saying it was nothing and that you can take a punch, but it was a lot to me. And you don't have to make excuses for your boy anyone, I'm not a kid who accidently breaks something and you want to get out of trouble, not anymore. I need to take responsability for what I did. I hurt you, not just physically and I'm not ready to forgive myself about it, not yet. So for once, shut up (respectfully) and let me have this, you also need to remember you're not 30 anymore. You are in shape but you're not match for me, trust me (no offence).

And I want you both to know there's nothing any of you could had done for things to be diffent. This is not any of you guys fault, okay? This is me, my own issues.

One day I'll be back, I'll hug you both and explain everything but its going to take a while, this is a lot. And I have a long road ahead of me. Things haven't been easy. But I'm hanging in here.

Dad (Nate) I've been listening to your advice in my head. No matter what, even from there, you're that voice of reason guiding me where to go. There was so much I wish I could tell you, I know you'd know what to do. I've been... Changing and I know there's somenthings you would understand. Don't feel sad though. I had to grow up at some point I think 34 is the right age to do so, right?

I love you, both. And I miss you both. But I got to work on myself for now. One day I'll explain everything.

I'm sorry for all of this. I hope this letter helps you both feel a little better, I know you guys would help and be there for me, but I don't want to put any of you trough this, it's too much. And I'm figuring out how to deal with it myself, I'm dangerous and I don't trust myself around any of you, really. It's been proven my love isn't enough, it doesn't stop this rage for coming over and until I can control it I rather stay away. Ps: I've been writting some songs and I feel I finnaly found my voice (see, dad? I follow your advice too. No need to be Jealous)

Ps(2) : Tell Tyler i love him and I'm sorry. He gets one free ass kicking when I get back.

Give uncle Dan a hug for me, a big One.

Love, Avery Graves-Moore."

[tilmyworldfadesaway]

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[dom-i-nate]

Self Para | Out of Time

Who: Nate Mantle and Marty Mantle When: 03.23.24, evening Where: In town TW: physical abuse, emotional abuse, addiction.

It was getting to be too much being on campus. Nate had already been feeling like he was spiraling - between his father coming, Danny and Daisy moving forward with their claim, his unknown future with Ollie - it was all proving to be too much. Nate made it out of the room to head to a meeting, knowing it was the only thing that was going to stabilize him at the moment. He enjoyed the crisp air through his lungs as he walked into town towards the church the meeting was going to be at. And then, a single voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Nathan." Simple, clean, unemotional. He could feel his palms start to sweat and he tried to convince himself to turn on his heels towards the sound of the voice, but he couldn't just yet. "Are you going to look at me? Or continue this onslaught that I'm the worst father in the world?"

"Father," he sighed simply, finally making himself turn, but not taking a step closer to the other. "I'm surprised you sought me out."

"I didn't. I was walking to grab something from the corner store. I'm staying at this hotel," he said, gesturing back towards The Evans House, "Not that you have asked."

Nate sighed loudly and in frustration, "Father, I really have somewhere I need to be. So, if there's nothing else," he said, turning back around and heading towards the steps of the church.

"I didn't know you were a church goer," he said sternly, arms crossing over his chest.

"I'm not. It's just where my meeting is."

A harsh, disbelieved laugh cut through the air between them, causing Nate to turn back around again. "Meetings? Those didn't really work last time, did they, Nathan."

"I've been clean almost a year. This is the only thing that helps."

"Right. Until your next relapse. Rather hard to find a claim when you can't even gain control of yourself, how are you to control someone else?"

A throaty growl vibrated through his throat and Nate took a few steps closer towards the other. "Because claims aren't about control! They're about connection and communication!"

"Stop being so emotional, Nathan. It's a business transaction like anything else. And who you claim matters, and so far you've been back over a year and you're no closer! How are you going to take over the business without at least two claims, Nathan!?"

"Easy! I"m not going to!" he lashed out, breathing heavily through clenched teeth. "It took me a long time to know what I want, but I know that what I want is not your life. I don't want to run a company I don't care about and have a claim who is a mindless drone who's more afraid of me than committed to me!"

His father's hand came up with out warning, cracking him hard across the face. Nate spun in the punch's direction, his hand coming up to hold his face. "Watch your tone, Nathan James," his father warned with the same cold tone Nate was giving him, before releasing another punch to the side of his face again. "You will not disrespect me more than you already have. You are going nowhere, Nathan. You've been a failure since you got that girl knocked up, and you couldn't even do that right. And ever since, it's been failure after failure!" he cried out, a few more hits to the dark haired boy bowled over in pain. Nate coughed and spit, watching blood appear on the side walk. His father came over, grabbing hard to the back of Nate's neck, bending himself down to remain face to face with his son. "I will be paying more attention. You will not disgrace this family again," he growled, nate seething in his father's grip. "Grow up, Nathan." he said before shoving Nate hard down to the ground and began walking away.

Nate breathed heavily, remaining on the ground a bit as he tried to make heads or tails of what happened, feeling his eye already start to burn and swell. After several minutes he pulled himself to his feet. He looked at the door to the church, trying to will himself to go inside. But with the physical pain, the emotional turmoil, he couldn't bring himself to do it. So, instead, he walked further down the street to the Whyte Wyrm and ducked behind the alley. There was no conversation, there was no explanation as the Serpent put the small baggy in Nate's hand for nate to disappear into a tiny bathroom, taking a dollar bill out of his pocket.

[melovesanneeeee]

for me, siguro mas matututunan natin ang aspeto ng self-love sa mga hardest battles natin sa buhay na mag-isa lang nating hinaharap. yes, we can reach out for help, we can ask kahit yung may makakasama man lang pero there are these pains na ibubulatlat sayo ng buhay tapos requirement na niya pala yon para simulan mo nang mahalin yung sarili mo. na kung kelan ka dependent na sa mga tao sa paligid mo, tsaka sila wala, no show, distant. na ipaparemind sayo ng kirot, lumbay, at sakit na kahit wala man yung mga taong nagmamahal sayo sa tabi mo palagi oedi ngayon oras na para ikaw naman ang maging nandyan para sa sarili mo yung ganun ba waw san to nanggaling self hihinaan ko na ba ha?????

[ollieinoue]

CONSPIRACY JOURNAL

Ollie has gone back and logged any journal entries from his bullet journal from the time, as well as thoughts he has currently along with news articles, or other info people have given him, and texts sent to him (and relivant self paras/tasks).

start of school (08/23/22)

any significant journal entries

N/A

any follow up thoughts about the time

we knew nothing of g at the time

no greer tho but I figured she just was on some kinda vacation or whatever

homecoming (09/03/22)

any significant journal entries

all hail the king, baby

any follow up thoughts about the time

I mean obviously weird that Greer was voted hoco queen when we all knew she was not here and there were rumors that she was missing.

I remember being up on stage and the person announcing it was really weirded out and maybe a little hesitant idk I was really high.

Why didn’t the Dean or anyone in authority just like fucking ... not allow that to happen lmao wtf

I think this was the first message from G but I think we all thought at the time G = Greer

first interrogations (09/04/22)

any significant journal entries

fuck the police

IC TASK 001

any follow up thoughts about the time

fuck the police

fuck attempting to be sober

OGDEN STUDENT OFFICIALLY DECLARED AS A MISSING PERSON AS THE SEARCH FOR GREER MORRISON CONTINUES Greer Morrison, a junior at the prestigious Ogden College in New Hampshire, has officially been declared a missing persons case, with the FBI starting their search at the Ogden campus this weekend. While her contact with family and friends abated over the summer, sources say her apparent travel plans made that a likely possible. However, with classes having resumed last week and Greer not returning to her studies, the Morrison family reported her missing after the school contacted them.

first letters (09/18/22)

any significant journal entries

weird shit happening

[gm] u okay?

any follow up thoughts about the time

I think this is when things started to get really weird but it wasn’t like ... too overly weird ig.

Greer could have been just fucking with us still.

follow up interrogations (09/28/22)

any significant journal entries

fuck the police

any follow up thoughts about the time

idr anything coming of this beyond the nate/jesse drama tbh

a bunch of bullshit. the police are really out here giving us nothing.

power outage (10/01/22)

any significant journal entries

fun!

[gm] was that u babes???

self para

any follow up thoughts

I saw greer?

maybe

there is no fucking way that greer is just around and nobody has seen her. not now and not then. it doesn’t make any sense. but like ... idk bro.

after the outage (10/02/22)

any significant journal entries

wonder what was taken

[ap] did someone over hear me talking to alethea .........

whoops

any follow up thoughts

still wonder what the fuck was taken and what came of that????? was it G trying to find more dirt?

idk how or why G knew my conversation with alethea but they DID?? they sent me a text about it at the pool party. so they were there.

but they can’t be everywhere at once tho. hm.

casino night (10/08/22)

any significant journal entries

fun!

any follow up thoughts

idk I was just hanging out w my parents the whole time

gossip blast & G’s texts I did not care about at the time

among the glitz and glamour of the night…

some of you have been hitting the jackpot while others burn holes in their pockets, but the lack of greer morrison’s presence can’t help but hover over the events of the night. some of you are GAMBLING like you have nothing to lose, but you could not be more wrong. remember the blackout last week? at LEAST two of you were whispering in the dark hours of that night how easy it would be to break into rooms in the school. is that how you spent your night? i guess that would explain why the police notes went missing. now we know what all of you SAID – the truths, the lies, the secrets. what we can deduce from the stolen notes is that the police believe this was very likely a RUNAWAY case. and that’s all there is to it at this time. but even if our GOLDEN GIRL did leave on her own accord, there was a REASON… PERHAPS the reason has something to do with the fact that there wasn’t just one sneaky link greer had on the side….and they weren’t just men. and that certainly wasn’t the only secret she was keeping. she had secrets that were quite literally LIFE AND DEATH. or maybe she is just taking a moment…biding her time planning revenge on those of you who were trying to get her to do something, be it a break-up, an ultimatum, or maybe just not spilling the secret that you mistakenly shared. just remember, secrets don’t stay secrets for very long here. soon enough, we’ll all know why she left, so you may want to hold your CARDS close to your chests. xoxo ...

G: YOU ALL MIGHT HAVE PLAYED YOUR CARDS RIGHT TONIGHT….BUT I KNOW EVERYTHING YOU’VE DONE.  G: AND DON’T WORRY…THAT INCLUDES EVERYTHING YOU DIDN’T TELL THE COPS.  G: ACTUALLY, I GUESS THAT MEANS YOU SHOULD WORRY… XX

they were extra at the time and they’re still extra that’s all we know for sure

looks like they did take something but like what tho. what was found in the school or police records? hm.

greer’s birthday (10/25/22)

any significant journal entries

fun!

ok so who the fuck is g?

[gm] hope ur okay babes ....

any follow up thoughts

still fun lmao but how fucked up bro

I think this is when things started hitting me how fucked up things were and that this G person really was out here just to fuck with us for fun.

still no greer I think that’s probably the last time I thought maybe it was possible she might show up some time out of the blue

the texts I got sent blackmailing me into planning this party

g [1:27 AM]: you didn’t think the 25th was just gonna arrive with no celebrating, right? well…._i think you’re just the person to throw a party for me. even though we both know there’s a guest who won’t make it. besides me, that is. but you wouldn’t dare to tell anyone the _truth about that, would you?  anyways! give it your best, babes. and don’t worry, you won’t be doing it alone.  boathouse. 2 am. tomorrow. xx

no thank you texts smh

the texts I got at the party mentioning they knew the things I said to alethea during the blackout

g: you mentioned on the night of the blackout that it’d be easy to break into school buildings, and now we know that someone did just that. would you dare to prove it to us all that you know what you’re talking about? g: break into a school building and bring a little souvenir back from your heist to show off at the party. don’t worry, you’ll have an accomplice xx

halloween (10/31/22)

any significant journal entries

fun!

fucked up

what the fuck

there’s a lot to unpack here

IC task 002

any follow up thoughts

okay so I’m just going to log all the notes I’ve seen, and heard from other people here just to keep them all in one easy to find place.

there are likely more out there that I’ve not heard about I wonder how many

Mine

FLIGHT 1728, NYC > PORTUGAL, JUNE 5, 2022

Parker’s

FLIGHT 1920 PORTUGAL > NYC AUGUST 29, 2022

Monty’s

THERE ARE MORE LETTERS EXPLAINING EVERYTHING.

Link’s

after the accident, I’m trying to keep reminding myself of what [redacted] last august. [redacted] is dead. at least [redacted] and I didn’t kill anyone.

Milo’s

MAY 2022 god, it’s so fucked. [redacted] knows about the accident. obviously, but…[redacted] it wasn’t me driving, since i let [redacted] drive that night.

Jesse’s

MAY 2022 this week has been the fucking worst. first [redacted], now [redacted]? motherfuckers are jealous and [redacted]. i can’t do it anymore. i just can’t.

IMPORTANT NOTES

Link has Milo’s little journal piece

Link promised he wouldn’t tell anybody about the one he has. Hopefully.

I showed Mari pictures of the ones I remembered to take pictures of (Mine, and Milo’s, and Parker’s) and she Milo’s was (probably) from Greer’s journal.

fake G (early-mid nov)

any significant journal entries

I hate technology

computers are dumb

oh I think I found sm

SELF PARA

no

like just no it doesn’t make sense

[mn] ?????

[mn] okay so the plan is ... just go ask and he’ll say no and it’ll be normal

[mn] prick

[mn] I hate him

[mn] I hope his life gets ruined

[mn] I hate him

[mn] I should just tell everyone. like I won’t but I should.

it still feels wrong tho right?

but how could it be wrong tho?

fuck

I hate technology

any follow up thoughts

I just need to know HOW

did G hire people to do all this?

like there’s no way they just ... out did me on this right? I looked SO FUCKING HARD.

I worked SO FUCKING HARD

I checked SO MANY TIMES

What the fuck happened? What did I do wrong?

Fuck G

also I still hate technology

second letters (11/27/22)

N/A (ollie does not know about any of these but just to keep track of all plot events I’m adding it in here)

time capsule leaks (12/12/22)

any significant journal entries

IC TASK 003

[g-] oh you bitch

fuck me

fuck me

no it’s fine it’s cool just be normal it’ll be fine.

any follow up thoughts

not really tbh

G is a bitch

Honestly the fact that the news did not pick up on the fact that nude videos of ppl were leaked FROM A SCHOOL is kinda shitty

bet you anything the dean has done everything he could to cover it up

if anything this seemed petty as hell g what gives????????

post time capsule leaks (12/14/22)-(12/16/22)

any significant journal entries

[kk] there’s no way kit was juicing lmao what???

[kk] monty didn’t know about this either??? a little offensive bro

fuck the police

kinda shitty the cops are taking credit for the information parker & I gave them lmao

cops seem to at the moment trust me so at least I don’t have to worry about that

IC TASK 004

[g-] fuck off bitch

any follow up thoughts

texts from G I was sent immediately after the interrogation

g: well, it looks like the cops sure trust you. let’s not get into the merits of whether or not they should, and instead let’s figure if i should. or if greer morrison should. g: did greer ever mention wanting to go to the cops over anything? g: think…stalkers, fights, issues with drugs. anything like that ring a bell? g: think about it. even try to figure it out. what you do with that info? well, i guess that’ll let us know if the cops were right for believing what you said.

I still haven’t heard anything about any of this

idk dude

fuck G

new years eve (01/01/23)

any significant journal entries

( a full journal entry written after getting home from from the trip )

Everything is so fucked up. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m losing my mind and that everything just keeps spiraling more and more out of control and I can’t do anything to stop it. Every single day gets worse. I feel like I’m suffocating underneath everything. I literally feel like I cannot breathe. I can’t sleep, I haven’t been able to sleep in weeks. I feel like I’m on the cusp of a panic attack every single moment of every single day. And now this. I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t stop thinking about seeing Penny’s dead body and I don’t even know if that was her fucking dead body or not but does it matter at this point? And that girl was covered in so much blood. And nobody will tell us anything going on. All I’m hearing on the news is that it was an accident. But fuck that. What the fuck are they going to say happened she tripped and fell and all of her blood left her body? Was she attacked by a wild animal and nobody heard anything. Me and Milo weren’t even that far away!

It makes me feel sick every single time I think about it. Like there is this horrible gnawing sensation in my stomach that keeps growing and growing and soon I’ll just be like nothing. I’ll be empty. And what happens then? How the fuck are any of us supposed to deal with this? My sanity is like being held on by a thread, and most of that weight is being carried by Monty right now, and that’s so fucking unfair of me. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel like I’m not a constant burden. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel like I’m not just dragging him down every single time we talk. But I ... I need him. And I love him. And he knows now. Everything. Most things. And he’s still here and I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about that.

Anyway. I feel like giving up on all of this bullshit. I’ve tried so hard ... and come so far ... and in the end it never even mattered. lmao I’m sorry... I’m serious though. But then there is the other hand where like ... Have I ever been able to let something go? Have I ever known when to stop? I’m so fucking tired. It’s constant. What the fuck am I supposed to do about this? By why is that on any of us?

any follow up thoughts

lmao yikes

after getting back to school Link told me when he and Mari went to find her dad at the staff chalet nobody was there. and what the fuck is that even supposed to mean?? idfk

penny’s memorial (01/22/23)

any significant journal entries

rip penny the dnd group was better without you but the school is not

g implied what happened to penny was not accident, that it had something to do with secrets she knew. like come on ... what the fuck

any follow up thoughts

the text G sent

G: IT’S NOT ACCIDENT THAT THIS IS WHAT PENNY’S SECRETS BOUGHT HER G: NOW IT’S TIME TO FIND OUT WHAT YOURS ARE WORTH

any follow up????? idk .....

some news (02/02/23)

any significant journal entries

embarrassing that the news is days behind the leaks we’re getting

penny knew why greer left OR did she know who was responsible for it

the dean????????

any follow up thoughts

the article

UPDATE IN SEARCH FOR MISSING OGDEN COLLEGE STUDENT Though it has been months of the investigation team believing that Greer Morrison fled from Ogden College willingly, recent updates have led to the belief that she may have been chased off, and that there are people out there who know why. In fact, an unnamed source has reported that they overheard the student who came to her tragic demise on a school trip, Penelope Klein, saying that she knew why Greer Morrison left only shortly before her death. In addition an anonymous source provided information about flights she may have taken out of the country last spring, though the flight returning to the states has no proof of her actually being on it. This lead has been investigation, and it has returned no further information about Greer’s whereabouts.  We have also learned that the time capsule video of Greer had not been kept in the files where the rest of the students were when officers originally looked, and when leaked, it contained damning information on several students - like the allegation of her then boyfriend using steroids. This claim was corroborated when his room was searched previously this semester, leading to his expulsion. With all of this information coming to light, it has been confirmed Penelope Klein’s death is being investigated as a murder. Greer Morrison is still considered missing, and she may be aware of sensitive information. Any additional leads will be reported.

I still think it was the dean

heartbreaker social (02/17/23)

any significant journal entries

fuck g

what was the point of that?

fucking bitch

any follow up thoughts

how the fuck did g see our valentines?? so they were there or someone was there who was doing this for them.

G’s valentine to me

roses are red, lonely hearts are blue give me a dirty little secret and maybe i'll give you a clue it doesn't have to be yours, but it should be good and if you can't deliver....i could

My texts in response

( redacted )

the heart of the matter (03/18/23)

any significant journal entries

IC TASK 005

jesse’s dad sucks

I’m fucking onto you and the fucking dean

truly do not trust a single thing that comes out of either of these men’s mouths

any follow up thoughts

nothing new

just the same growing feeling

house of mirrors (04/05/23) - (04/08/23)

any significant journal entries

SELF PARA

I’m starting to think I’m just being gaslit tbh

am I crazy? ... I might be

any follow up thoughts

no thoughts brain empty

[ieniri]

to my 2018/2019 self,

to my jboy ex,

first. it wasnt ever my intention to bring up this tumblr thingy sinearch ko lang siya as a joke titignan ko kung kadramahan ko andito pa then yun meron pa nga.

to my 2018/2019 self,

first of all we're 19 na. Wala pa din bf pero punong puno ng kalandian sa katawan 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️, ig you wouldnt expect na how did it happen na naka move on ka na lang bigla, pag gising mo ayaw mo na.

Well, tbh its the truth gumising na lang tayo na pagod na tayo ig it works yung belief natin na pagudin mo ng pagudin sarili mo hanggang sa sarili mo na lang din kusa mapagod. its draining puta sa totoo lang yung ganong motto 😭😭.

pero atleast diba we moved on yun importante met a lot a of diff. guys pero wala nagiging bf 🤪🤪 so yes si jboy pa din ex natin tangina diba WAHHAHAHA.

you're the reason why ayokong maranasan yung break up kasi narealize ko grabe pala ko masaktan, no matter how old we may be i would still remember the secret muffled cries in our room every 10 pm tapos parang tinutusok ka ng karayom sa puso.

gusto ko ng bf oo naman i want chinito na pogi pero kung maghihiwalay din puta wag naman mabroken katakot eh.

don naman sa ex nating jboy may shop na siya ayun pogi pa din tho wala tayong communication iniistalk lang from time to time ahahaha do we still love him? NO. 🙄🙄 napopogian? A BIG YES, 100% 🤪🤪.

Sa jboy kong ex parehas tayong quits ok napagod ka napagod din ako, pero sinabi ko naman sayo yon sa ig?? its not an excuse alam ko para mattract sa iba pero puta kase bumawi ka man sakin binigay mo sana yung binibigay kong energy sayo. Yan yung hirap eh mas mahal kita non keysa sayo.

now, when i look back i dont know kung mahal ba kita non or na attach ako sayo ng bonggang bongga kasi crush kita before pa ko nasa ayen ko. pero i know lahat ng pinakita ko sayo totoo.

i wouldnt be surprise if na attach ako sayo ng bonggang bongga the hell would i know about sa love na yan ni di pa nga kita nakikita non di ko naririnig boses mo non tsaka i was like 14 years old non puta 😭😭

anyways, i dont want to invalidate my 14 year old self, your feelings are valid honey from your psych stud self. at the end naman we're okay 🥰.

long story short we survived from that hellish experience.

[korekkongbata]

For the Go tayo dito sa premium cocktail. Bilang ang tagal na din ng huli nating cock-tail. Char not char!

Bakit may mga taong grabe ang tingin sa sarili? Ganon na ba talaga kataas ang appraisal value? Ang ginto nga 3200 lang isang gram, gusto mo mas mataas pa dun? E hindi ka naman ginto? Tanso ka kaya? Hahaha.

Level lang tayo sa tama, yung naayon lang sa worth natin sa earth. Madaming self assessment sa google, try mo lang minsan. Free naman yun, walang bayad. Para makita mo yung kung nasaang sulok ka nararapat.

Ang hirap lang siguro nung wala kasing nag-appreciate sa pagkatao mo kaya sa ibang bagay mo sya hinahanap? Yung tataa??

[n8-shaw]

As Nate turns around after yet another dead end, they see a glimmer of light - a crack between two mirrors that otherwise look like just another wall within the maze. Pushing it open to escape (since otherwise, who knows how long it would take them to find away out), they realize it must be a back door. It’s clearly not the end of the maze, the mirrors likely supposed to completely close together…only they weren’t. And with the muddy footprints leading away to and from the door on the outside…someone had clearly been using this to access the maze. The question is just…why ??

self para to come