#( now i am going to finally going to change my muse list bc i want to remove / add a few muses !! )

[voulezloux]

annual writing self-evaluation

thank you lou @nouies for the tag! having to do self reflection is hard yall

also i wrote this on a google doc so ignore the fact everything is properly capitalized

1. List of works published this year:

One chance (kiss him you fool)

Nights like these

Your right now, your forever, your last call, your whatever

Defying stars

Always had that heart of mine

Part time soulmates (full time problem)

It’s the summer of our love

If it feels like love (then it must be love)

Make my wish come true

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

Defying stars! I’ve always wanted to write a marching band au and i finally got to do it. I’m also proud of part time soulmates (full time problem) because it was so much fun to write

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

I am not very happy with how one chance (kiss him you fool) turned out. I had so many idea for it and none of them came to fruition. I wish i spent more time working on it and i wish i could describe things better than i can

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

From part time soulmates (full time problem)

Harry nods, continuing his tirade on a table. “Why don’t you want to bond?”

Louis freezes mid throw. “What?”

“You said you didn’t want to bond when we first found out. What makes you not want to bond?” 

Louis throws the plate on the ground. “That’s a bit personal, innit?” He laughs. “My mum.”

The air is filled with a sad smell, obviously coming from Louis. Harry resists the urge to wrap his arm around the omega, to comfort him. His stomach is turning in a bad way, and he wants to take back the question. 

Before he can, Louis continues, “My mum was bonded three times, twice it failed. Watching her go through the pain of breaking a bond was awful, and I had to protect my siblings from seeing the worst of it. I always…” He sighs. “I always thought I’d be an alpha so I could control when I would get bonded. But then I presented as an omega and I, I don’t know. I guess everything changed and I didn’t want to go through the pain an omega would have to go through if a bond was broken.”

Harry is left speechless, and it’s harder now to not want to console the omega. “Louis…”

“No, don’t do that,” Louis points the plate in his hand he was going to throw at Harry. “You’re not about to feel bad for the poor omega who has trauma. You’re going to smash this plate and you’re going to be mad.”

I always love strong, independent omega louis and this is by far one of my favorite examples of this

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

I always love when people respond to my author’s notes at the end. Idk it makes me feel like people actually care about what i’m writing and i’m not just screaming into the void. I have a lot of issues with feeling like my works are liked and/or loved and that people care about what i’m writing, so when people read and respond to my author’s notes, it makes me feel seen.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Whenever i get close to a deadline, i start panicking even if i have the fic most of the way finished. So, deadlines man.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I wrote two rare pairs this year and one of them included ryan ross! Writing ryan was a challenge since i’ve not written anything that wasn’t larry or phan in years, and i’m very happy with how that fic turned out.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I have no idea. Someone tell me how i grew as a writer bc i’m los

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

Hopefully more fics that are of my own will (meaning non fic fest fics, all but one of my fics this year was a fic fest fic, and the one that wasn’t from a fest was an exchange). I have ideas that have been put on the back burner due to fic fests.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

All of my friends, but especially rei (they don’t use tumblr anymore). I met rei during phandom big bang one year (they were my beta) and, even though they are into kpop and i’m into 1d, rei always listens to my coked up ideas for fics i wanna write and even the fics i read. Love you bro (even though you won’t see this) (jk i'll show this to them)

Bonus mentions for fandom friends are lou (@nouies) and andi (@tommokat). Lou because she is a wonderful person and always gasses me up when needed and andi because she lets me bounce ideas off of her and helps me with my fics.

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Yes! Defying stars i stole a lot of things from that fic from my real life in high school. Biggest example from that fic is the marching band show from my freshman year, which was also called starcrossed!

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Do not get discouraged if a fic you are excited about doesn’t perform well with readers. Fic in it of itself is self indulgent and as long as you like it, it’s worth writing. If people also enjoy it, then it’s a bonus.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I’m writing in my first ever 1d big bang! I don’t want to give out too many details (it involves a non conventional character and i’m deathly terrified of backlash) but it’s a labor of love. I’ve been wanting to write this kind of fic for a long time and i’m glad i have an opportunity to write it.

14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read!

@tommokat @larryatendoftheday and @alwaysxlarrie

*All answers should be about works published in 2023

[hauntsdestruction]

genuinely very happy to have finally remembered the email for this account! almost a year later :’)))

[tarithenurse]

Unsolicited

Starring: Avengers Loki x fem!reader, Sam Wilson Contents: Description of sexual harassment/lewd behaviour, hinting at violence and threats, fluff. A/N: Got inspired after a conversation with @maladaptive-ninja-returns​. Enjoy, hon! And nope: I didn’t proof this bc it’s 4:22 in the morning/night and I should be sleep but insomnia/anxiety is a bitch so you’re getting it raw ;)

...  Loki   ...

She groans as she tosses the phone aside with a disgusted wrinkle on her nose. How is that supposed to not make him curious? Naturally, he has no right to grab the phone when she leaves the room about an hour later, but as the God of Mischief...well, she really has brought it upon herself, hasn’t she?

Flicking through the various apps and tabs, he finally finds what must be the cause of her disgust: a message from a contact labelled “Jerk” with an image attached of his sorry excuse for a cock. Nothing in the preceding chat calls for such a picture. From the few lines, Loki surmised that [Y/N] must have exchanged numbers with the person last she was out partying and that she’s since come to regret it – a fact “Jerk” seems intent on ignoring.

“Someone should teach him some manners,” the god muses.

For months (though it feels like more) he’s been adoring [Y/N] from a distance, contending himself with the friendly stage in their relationship the two have found. The idea of pursuing it further, though tempting, seems an impossibility with the sins he’s committed in the past compared to her sweet innocence. Still, he will do everything in his power to make her happy and right now that requires ridding her of a nuisance.

Stuffing the phone in his pocket, he goes in search for the only person he is sure can help him with this particular task.

“Romanova!”

...  Reader   ...

It makes no sense. You’ve looked everywhere but there’s no sign of your phone – not in or under the couch where you’d spent most of the day, not on the coffee table (and you’d even removed every single magazine and checked in every mug left behind by your co-Avengers), pockets are all empty too, and after that you’ve tried every room you’ve been to. The kitchen was meticulously combed to check cabinets, fridge, drawers, even cereal boxes and the trash can...no luck. The bathroom is barren with the exception of the neat row of toiletries on the shelf. Bedroom? Nothing...but at least you ended up changing the sheets finally. Even your purse have been emptied out completely without giving a clue. By the time you stomp back into the living room to start over, it feels like you’re going crazy!

“Wassup?” Sam’s lounging in a chair with his own phone, making you miss your own all that much more.

Ass up and head on the floor to look under the book case, you mumble a reply.

“Wassat?”

“I am,” you groan as you sit on your haunches and dust yourself off, “looking for my fucking phone!”

“Tried calling it?”

You glare at him. “With what? Smoke signals?”

Man, he’s annoying when he grins like that. “You could just ask for help, girl.” His fingers are already flicking across the screen. “Is it on silent?”

“Nah, don’t think so...”

Still on your knees, you scoot over to see him tap your name on his contacts list. How long can it take to connect? It’s Stark tech! There’s a muted tooping from the tiny speakers and a moment later both of you swivel your heads in the direction of tinny sound of Chic’s “Le Freak”.

“I can dig that,” Sam nods approvingly.

You don’t care to answer, instead hurrying down the hall to the source of the music and as you skid around the corner you barely avoid slamming face first into Loki’s chest.

“Oh.”

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“Hey!” Why does he have my phone? It’s right there in his big hand and even if the melody stops just then, there’s no denying it. “That’s mine! Where’d you find it?”

Hesitating a second too long, he hands it back to you with a sheepish shrug. “I took the liberty of borrowing it.”

What?! “Dude...you could have asked first.”

Borrow? Oh he better not have read my chats with Wanda! You’re fairly certain the witchy girl is the only one to know about your huge crush on the raven-haired god and you’d prefer if it stayed that way. For months, she’s been trying to coax you into asking him out and every time you’ve been building up the courage she’s nudged you on with quick snapshots of the man – all taken when he wasn’t aware and most favouring his jawline or ass. Nope, you do not want Loki to find out about any of that.

“I realize...however, when I saw what had aggravated you, I decided to act in your defence immediately.”

“Huh?”

Indignation burns in his eyes. “The aptly labelled Jerk and his heinous indiscretion.”

“The...the dick-pic...”

Loki nods gravely. “I went to Miss Romanova, seeing as she’s particularly adept with Midgardian technology as well as exquisite methods to get people to...cooperate.”

At least now the somberness is gone but it has been replaced by a wicked smile which you aren’t at all certain you want to know the reason for. Sure, you would have liked to strangle the offender, but a moment to calm down had been enough to help you shrug the attempt at an advance off. The jerk isn’t worth spending your energy on.

“Is...is he...alive?” It’s not that you’re worried per se, just slightly concerned if the handsome god is getting into trouble.

“He is, but rest assured that he’s learned his lesson,” Loki smiles, “he will never bother you or anyone else again.”

Something in the air shifts as he speaks. You can’t put your finger on what it is, you just know that it feels like you’re standing on a high cliff above the sea and a slight breeze could push you over the edge. More importantly, it’s a dive you know would be heavenly. To be held in a cool embrace, safe from the thrashing of the waves above as you ride a the currents the same colour as Loki’s eyes. Loki’s eyes. Loki’s oh shit I’m staring! Snapping back to reality, you decide it’s safer to look at your feet as you tug away your phone.

“I’m uhm thank you,” you ramble feeling the heat of embarrassment spread through your body. “Yes. Yes, thank you.”

Wanting to get away, you turn the door handle and hurry inside the room, closing the door behind you. Daymn, that was close. You back slides down the smooth material of the door as you let out a long sigh. Maybe he didn’t notice though.

A knock shakes you from your silent prayer. “[Y/N]? Are you alright?”

“Yes! Yes, I’m fine! Absolutely!”

“Good.” It doesn’t sound like he leaves, and sure enough: after a moment Loki’s voice comes through the door again: “How come you’ve entered my quarters then?”

“...”

You know right away that there’s no recovering from this as your eyes take in the surroundings sporting green and gold colours paired with dark furniture in a classical yet modern style. Oh, maaaan. Getting to your feet, you shamefully open the door for the actual owner of the room.

“...sorry,” you manage a whisper.

Turning to leave, a cool hand grabs yours to halt you. “You are welcome to stay...in fact...I’d quite like if you did.”

“You would?” I’mdreamingI’mdreamingI’mdreamingI’mdreaming!

It doesn’t feel like a dream when a finger under you chin tilts your face up, though.

“Very much. Perhaps, you’ll allow me to show you the proper art of courting a lady such as you?”

“I’d like that...very much...”

[cometcalloway]

MUN AND MUSE QUESTIONS

List 5 of your muse’s favourite sensations.

A ‘sleeping in on a snow day’ level of comfort and safety

Winning

Acceptance, forgiveness, companionship

Magic healing

Novelty

Do they have any pet peeves?

Sparrow used to do occasional scribe work. I think if he was working on this one particular page & the parchment kept coming undone and trying to curl up no matter how many times he fixed it, that would destroy him psychologically a little. I feel like small annoyances can build into big things pretty quickly sometimes, with Sparrow, especially if he feels trapped in some way and doesn’t have the option to just remove himself from the situation & do something else.

Rook is like. Rather than being someone with a critical streak, it’s more that he’s a critic who has the occasional streak of another thing. He’s intentional enough to usually avoid believing his critical thoughts as fact in an automatic and unquestioning way, but his internal monologue definitely gives him a lot of information about things that ‘should’ be done better or differently. He’s the most harsh with himself, of course.

Their comfort read? (could be a book, magazine, comics, etc)

From an answer to an earlier meme:

Sparrow projects onto female characters in the absence of nonbinary characters that fit his vibe more exactly. Books and stories grab his attention when a female mc is powerful, wants things, and is maybe a little bit feral, even if she hides it well. She doesn’t have have noble morals, and she doesn’t have to win; there are tragedies he wouldn’t enjoy, but tragedies he very much would. He’s drawn by dark & intense themes bc like, he’s working through some things.

Rook likes history and nonfiction. He doesn’t like to introspect and thinks less naturally in terms of ‘like/want’ & more naturally in terms of function; nonfiction has a very clear and straightforward function. You read the book, you get the information. He would be in an uncomfortable position if he read a fiction book and felt moved by the story in a way that conflicted anything in his carefully constructed sense of identity (and he is not sentimental). He isn’t scared of fiction, but eh. There’s nothing in there he wants to get badly enough that it’s worth the mess.

If the book they are reading turns out to be shit, do they push through just for the sake of finishing it, or do they move on and find something else?

It depends on the book, and it depends on what in particular turned out to be shit. If something about the book is dramatically insulting to something Sparrow really cares about, he’s more likely to drop it than keep reading, either to try and enjoy it anyway or to hate read. If the book just isn’t that interesting or just isn’t that well written, he might keep reading just so he has closure on the investment he put into it. He likes to read, so he’s more likely to keep reading if he doesn’t have a lot of options. I feel like Rook might be the opposite? If a book he’s reading turns insulting he might just be like “hmm, we disagree (fortunately I am very large & near invincible)” and keep reading. If the book isn’t interesting, he isn’t sentimental enough to want to ‘pay the cost’ of learning what happens. Now I’m imagining a situation where Rook puts down a boring book & Sparrow picks it up bc they share a headspace & the book caught his interest just enough for him to want to know what happens (and then one day Rook gets sick of this shit & picks up the book & flips to the end & reads the ending).

Their comfort tv show / film

I think L.ilo & S.titch could be a comfort film for a verse where Sparrow is living in a modern setting. Stitch has to figure out how to be a person after being created to be a tool. As the entire galaxy goes nuts over Stitch’s prescribed identity as a purpose, and as all of the humans are quick to put new unflattering labels on Stitch, L.ilo is the one who gives Stitch permission to start to figure himself out. It’s like, the kind of story Sparrow needs to hear. Plus the painting backgrounds would remind Sparrow of home.

Rook wouldn’t consider something a comfort movie, but there are a lot of M.arvel movies he would like. Lot of stories about superheroes trying to figure out what it means to do the right thing in a complicated situation, and the tone is light enough for it to be a reassuring experience to watch the movie overall.

A song that is currently stuck in their head? (or multiple)

Mmmaybe C.ardigan by T.aylor S.wift. It’s not a song I associate with Sparrow because it’s about him in some way, but it is a song that he would probably decide that he likes, in the way people can like things without the thing being like, one of their theme songs.

The next three questions are for you. do you have anything special in common with your character.

All of my characters have deep things in common with me. Sparrow is deeply sensitive, spiritual, and has a strong personal commitment to not abusing power over other people. Rook is really critical, but he’s also committed to things he cares about. He gets nearly paralyzed sometimes by trying to figure out what he actually wants or what is actually good after considering everything he’s ‘supposed’ to want and how hard it would be to go against the ‘supposed to.’ Sparrow is more of a ‘looking forward’ kind of character, for what could be possible, Rook is a more ‘looking back’ kind of character, at the practical side of things and the messy reality and the question of how to make honorable choices in a reality like that. They’re both really important to me!  

What brings you the most joy about writing this character, right now?

Writing L.othric and now Sparrow has been my invitation to myself to tolerate less of the intolerable. Sparrow isn’t an exact image of a person I literally want to be, but he has qualities that I write about bc I want to develop them better for myself through getting to know him. Right now in particular, I’m still carrying  bittersweet joy about being able to breathe life into OCs after writing D.ark S.ouls characters for so long. Sometimes when I look through the rp tags I see  rpers with H.arry P.otter muses who say they’re ‘anti jkr’, and I wish it was that easy for me to signal that I’m going to engage with a story I still feel things about, but I do not want to approach it as an enthusiastic fan. Ultimately, the OC route is just more valuable because I can own everything I come up with, so it’s a change for the better all things considered. But I wish that it wasn’t so normal for a story to be like, ‘the final boss is a disabled person who was bratty for not wanting to be abused, so hunt him for sport or whatever’ & then a fandom springs around that like ‘this is content! playful irreverence!’ to the point where talking about things more deeply feels like intruding.

Who would win in a fight, you or them?

Oh, them, definitely, Rook and Sparrow would win individually or working together.

Any advice from your muse?

I think he’d say that he’s a made up person, you’re a real person. If he seems powerful because he can do magic and he’s stubborn and makes these daring changes to his life, it’s nothing compared to the power that a real breathing person has. You can do more than him by picking up a leaf off the ground. I think he’d say that maybe it’s easy for people to forget that sometimes, when it comes to any fictional character who’s aspirational in some way. 

Tagged by: @batteredoptimist​ (thanks!)

Tagging: @stxrmchild​ @chilledtouch​ @cloudpools​ @destruqtivist​ @pleasemymel0dy​ @worthless-weight-in-gold​ ! and YOU

[ofmythsandmadness]

prompts & requests.

SO...I never meant to delay this for so long, I’m so sorry for this, but I’m excited to rejuvenate this page -- I’m quite bad with tumblr, but I just hit 350 followers and I figured I’d put in a second dime for trying to make this little account work. People seem to like my little writings (which surprises me tbh, but I appreciate the love) and I’ve gotten a lot of questions about requests, so here’s the masterpost of all that for here!

PLEASE NOTE: I don’t use Tumblr too regularly, I’m trying to be more active but because of life & stuff, I’m not always active to write. Plus, just because you request something, doesn’t mean I will automatically be able to give that! It takes time, inspiration, and often the ability to form a sentence, which weirdly I struggle with. Way too often.

ALSO! please feel free to check out the kofi link in my bio (can’t link it here bc tumblr doesn’t like links and this won’t show up at all) and buy me a coffee if you feel like it! please don’t if you can’t and i’m not trying to force, guilt or forcibly nudge anyone to do it, it’s just if you can and want to support me, that’d be real sweet. :)

WHO I WRITE FOR...most people look at this acc for tua writings, which i’ve got an abundance of! I’m quite fine with any requests of any characters, except for five (unless like it’s some aged up version of him; I don’t feel comfy writing about him and I just don’t care to). I also will write for a lot of other fandoms if you ask for them: those including marvel, stranger things (those of age, i’m not writing stories about minors), harry potter and a couple others. Just ask me, I’ll let you know if I write for the fandom & we can move from there, darling. :)

HOW TO REQUEST...I prefer not too many details in a request, just so I still feel inspired to write the piece. So, if you’re asking based on a prompt below, tell me the number(s), the character you’re looking for, and any details you feel necessary to add! Remember, nothing too specific, like don’t give me the entire plot but things like genre, atmosphere, details on the reader are okay. I usually write either genderless or female reader (I try to stick with the former to be accommodating) but you can ask for a specifically gender-neutral or female/male reader too. This also applies to fics you want garnered to a specific section of the LGBTQIA+ community (for example, if you wanted a lesbian reader with Vanya Hargreeves). I try not to add any details to appearance to the story so that everyone can enjoy the fic, but again you can ask for any specific and I will try my best to accomodate for you lovelies.

REQUEST EXAMPLE - “Can you write something with prompt number 3 and 17? Preferably with a gender-neutral reader, and with Allison Hargreeves? I’d like it to be a happy fic, please, and for the reader to not have any powers. Also, they’re a cat person! Thanks!”

Obviously, I know most people know what’s up and are respectful. But just in case you wanted an example, there you go. :)

PROMPTS LIST

(these were made by me and to my knowledge, they’re not used elsewhere, only some were taken off my last requests list. also, feel free to mix + match and ask for as many as you want)

Quote Based Prompts:

1. ‘I think I’m falling for you,’ clumsy character. 2. ‘C’mon, this is definitely safe!’ 3. ‘Do you believe in ghosts?’ + ‘Why, is there something you want to tell me?’ 4. ‘Shut up about your black coffee aesthetic and try my (insert here) drink.’ 5. ‘I’m only asking for a hug because I forgot my coat and you’re like a human furnace...don’t get any ideas.’ 6. ‘Just five more minutes.’ 7. ‘And you’re sure this isn’t illegal?’ 8. ‘Wanna go get married?’ 9. ‘I love you” “don’t lie to me’ 10. ‘I hate you’ + ‘no, you don’t.’ 11. ‘let’s dance to taylor swift and forget about reality for a moment, please.’ 12. ‘why don’t you trust me?’ 13. ‘promise me, we’ll make it out of this alive.’ 14. ‘we can’t just pushing each other away and expecting things are going to change.’ 15. ‘why are you helping me?’ 16. ‘tell me a secret.’ 17. ‘you can’t friend-zone me, we’re married!’ 18. ‘is this the end?’ 19. ‘I let you win.’ 20. ‘go away’ + ‘no, not until I know you’re okay’ 21. ‘we were supposed to be forever.’ 22. ‘nothing’s fair in love and war.’ 23. ‘I want to be here for the good and the bad.’ 24. ‘So...what happened this time?’ 25. ‘I just really wanted to see you.’ 26. ‘Uh, that’s the whole point?!’ 27. ‘You cut your hair?’ + ‘I just needed a change.’ 28. ‘I can’t lose you too, dammit!’ 29. ‘Don’t lie, you’re a hopeless romantic at heart.’ 30. ‘Can we keep it?!’ 31. ‘Why can’t this happen like it does in the movies?!’ 32. ‘Can you come with me? It’s just to get gum, but I don’t want to be alone.’ 33. ‘I made muffins!’ + ‘You can bake?!’ 34. ‘I can’t sleep.’ + ‘We can share.’ 35. ‘It used to be so simple...’ 36. ‘STOP SINGING THAT SONG OR-’ + ‘-or what?’ 37. ‘I just wanted to tell you...you look really nice tonight.’ 38. ‘Ooh, show me, show me!’ 39. ‘I really wish I could paint, because you’re the perfect muse right now.’ 40. ‘Where’d you learn how to do that?’ 41. ‘Hey, it’s okay...you’re safe now.’ 42. ‘Am I in heaven?’ + ‘Aw, you think I’m your idea of heaven?’ 43. ‘I’m not crying!’ + ‘Oh, so it’s normal for your eyes to leak like that?’ 44. ‘Why wouldn’t you tell me that sooner?!’ 45. ‘What do you think of kids?’ 46. ‘Do you think I’m a good person?’ 47. ‘Don’t look down.’ + ‘You’re only telling me that now?!’ 48. ‘It’s okay...it’s going to be okay...’ 49. ‘I didn’t think it would hurt so much to do this.’ 50. ‘Nerd.’ + ‘Loser.’ 51. ‘Wait, you actually came?’ 52. ‘You didn’t notice the one bed before?!’ + ‘It didn’t say on the website!’ 53. ‘I’m in the hospital, but don’t worry--’ + ‘Don’t worry?!’ 54. ‘Yeah, I was jealous. So what?’ 55. ‘Did you know you talk when you sleep?’ 56. ‘Of course I kept it. Why wouldn’t I?’ 57. ‘I can’t get you out of my head...’ 58. ‘I made you it because I love you, duh.’ 59. ‘I trust you.’ 60. ‘How am I supposed to trust you?!’ 61. ‘You have to start getting better excuses.’ 62. ‘I think they like you!’ 63. ‘I swear if you sing baby it’s cold outside ONE MORE TIME--’ 64. ‘You’re telling me you don’t know all the words to Promiscuous? Who are you?!’ 65. ‘I only went along with it for your sake, you know I hate (insert here).’ 66. ‘Hold my hand but only so we don’t get lost. I don’t need you getting any ideas about us.’ 67. ‘Loosen up, jackass, and give in to evil a little more!’ 68. ‘You didn’t respond to any of my texts, so I assumed you were either dying or crying. I brought answers to both situations.’ 69. ‘That’s it. I’m officially convinced that you’re actually three years old.’

Situation Based Prompts: 1. Person A refuses to dress for the cold and gets sick; Person B is stuck taking care of them afterwards. 2. Person A finds a stray and wants to take it home, but Person B isn’t so interested. 3. Coffee Shop AU; Person A shows up every Saturday to work, and Person B becomes infatuated with the mysterious person. 4. Person A wants to watch a scary movie. Person B accepts, too chicken to admit they’re terrified of horror movies. 5. Person A falls asleep, and Person B plays with their hair. 6. Person A and B wake up hungover and realise that they got married last night. 7. ‘Oh...you love them’, where Person A realises that their real feelings for Person B. 8. Person A is a Christmas enthusiast, but Person B hates the holiday season. 9. (School Based Prompt); Person A doesn’t know how to talk to Person B, and decides to pretend to need help in a subject they definitely don’t need help with. 10. Person A decides to confess their feelings to Person B through a series of anonymous gifts...only they aren’t who B suspects behind it all... 11. Person A and B have a Catwoman/Batman type relationship, dancing around one another and ignoring their obvious feelings. 12. Younger!Person A and B shared their first kiss with each other -- not because of feelings, JUST to get it over with. It never meant anything, right? 13. There’s only a little bit of time left for Person A...will they make it to B, in time? 14. (Flower Shop AU) Person A comes in every day to purchase the same single flower every time, and Person B has no clue why. 15. (Villain/Hero AU) Person A goes home to find B in their bed, bleeding and fast asleep. 16. Person A has a fear of driving. Person B finally asks why. 17. (School Based AU) Person A and B get paired together to complete a project worth a lot of their grade. The only problem? They hate each other. 18. (Coffee Shop AU) Person A comes in every day with a different name and sunglasses on, ordering the same thing every time. And Person B is obsessed. 19. Person A has a hard day at work. Person B doesn’t know what they should do to help. 20. Person A finally finds out about Person B’s big secret -- only, it doesn’t come from Person B. 21. Person A is the most oblivious person in the world. Person B is slowly losing their mind over it. 22. Everyone thinks that Person A and C are meant to be together, and it’s only A and B who really, really don’t see it. 23. And they were roommates (oh my god, they were roommates...) 24. Person A’s roommate’s boyfriend is over again, and they escape to Person B’s for peace of mind. 25. Person A finds a random bag and is determined to return it to the owner -- only, all the clues she has for who the person really is, is in the contents of the bag. 26. (Party Based Prompt) Person A and B really, really didn’t want to go to the party. But maybe meeting one another makes it worth it. 27. Person A and B go laser-tagging for some stress relief. 28. There’s a Halloween party and neither A or B knows who the other is going as. But the (insert costume) standing in the corner is looking rather suspicious... 29. (Apocalypse AU) Person A and B have been struggling for months alone, and finally reach something that gives them hope.  30. Person A and B both head to the roof for some escape. They definitely didn’t expect to see someone in their special place... 31. Person A works really late shifts downtown; Person B always makes sure they’re there to give them a ride, no matter how inconvenient it is. 32. Person A forgets about changing their emergency contact, and this backfires when they end up in the hospital... 33. (Soulmate AU) In a world where people don’t age past 21 until they meet their soulmate, Person A is surprised to learn that the partner they’ve been with for four years hasn’t aged a day -- but they have. 34. (Airport AU) Everything shuts down in a last-minute snowstorm, leaving two strangers stranded. 35. (School AU) Everyone ships Teacher A and B together, and scheme to finally set them up. 36. Person A and B ride the train together every day. 37. (Doctor AU) Person A has to take Person C to the doctors. Much to both surprise, Person A falls quickly for the Doctor who comes in (Person B) -- and Person C takes it upon themselves to let B know. 38. (Neighbours AU) Person A is tired of hearing Person B being so loud so late at night -- especially when they have to get up super early. They finally decide to confront them on it. 39. (Soulmate AU) Everyone has the same cuts, bruises and scars as their soulmate, which really freaks out Person A, who becomes determined to find their soulmate to make them stop getting hurt. 40. Person A and B are hiding their relationship from everyone. They’re not very good at it. 41. Person A finally trusts Person B to meet their (insert here); the last step in their relationship. 42. Person A sends their text to the LAST person they wanted to send it to: Person B. 43. (Delivery Person AU) Person A somehow always manages to be the one to sign for the office packages...does Person B have anything to do with it? (Also, why does A keep buying so much stuff?!) 44. (Arranged Marriage) Person A is being forced into a marriage to Person C neither they or Person B wants. But B might just have a plan out... 45. (Bodyguard AU) Person A always knew that Person C was rich, but never rich enough to need a legit bodyguard. But when C’s father’s company is threatened, they call in the big dogs -- and they’re cute, too. Aka...A makes a point to catch the attention of Person B at any time possible, much to their upset. 46. (University AU) Person A needs a model. Person B needs a way to occupy their afternoon. Thus, a deal is struck. 47. Person A is a private detective hired to work the case on a mysterious murder (that strangely, Person C doesn’t want getting out). Person B is C’s lead suspect, but A can’t help but feel like they’re not the real culprit... 48. Person A drags Person B along onto a roadtrip across the country to go visit their oddball grandparents. But things go south quickly. 49. Person A gets robbed, and has no one to call when they can’t shake the nightmares but Person B. 50. Person A can manipulate time, but only by an hour. Person B doesn’t know this, but gets suspicious when they see A do something very, very weird... (you can supply more details for this one) 51. (Neighbours AU) Person A and B have the thinnest walls ever, which would suck, but they both oddly have the exact same taste in music. It’s nice; if only they got to meet. 52. (Store AU) Person A and B get locked into their work’s freezer for the night. 53. (Coffee Shop AU) Person B has never met Person A; they always miss them by only a minute. They do, however, manage to sit at the exact same table every day and pick up the piece of art they leave for the next customer. 54. Person A has loved Person B their entire life. Too bad they’ll never get to tell them. 55. (Diner AU) Person A meets Person B at three in the morning when they stumble in soaked. They’re surprised, when they show up again...and again...at the exact same time. 56. (5+1) Five times Person A told Person B they loved them, and the one time Person B finally said it back. 57. (5+1) The five times Person A surprises Person B, and the one time Person B surprises A. 58. (5+1) The five times Person A broke Person B’s heart, and the one time they didn’t.  59. (5+1) The five times Person A saved Person B...and the one time Person B couldn’t save A. 60. (5+1) The five times A and B almost meet, and the first time they finally do. 61. (5+1) The five times Person A lies to Person B, and the one time they finally tell the truth. 62. Person B is like, super allergic to dogs. But Person A doesn’t need to know that. 63. Person A has no clue how to tell Person B how they feel. So, they make a playlist. 64. Person A and B accidentally switch luggage at the airport.

Happy requesting, darlings.

[jimmymcgools]

From ch 17, "Through his airplane window once, Albuquerque had looked like an afterthought, dwarfed by the sky." all the way to the absolutely perfect ending! (since I'm about to chonk on this chapter 🥰❤️)

♥️💙♥️💙 thank you so much! this one got long, wow 

fic commentary meme and my answers

i am WEAK for an indulgent callback and this ending is the most indulgent and callbacky thing i’ve ever done. i really hoped it would give the chapter a sense of closure and finality -- or at least that’s the excuse i gave myself to go absolutely ham. 

Through his airplane window once, Albuquerque had looked like an afterthought, dwarfed by the sky.

i didn’t do it deliberately at the time i wrote chapter one, but at some point i noticed that interesting quirk of jimmy’s very first observation of abq. it’s all sky and mountains and nothing of the actual city: “Albuquerque makes a disgustingly beautiful first impression: the sky as big and curved and blue as he’s always heard it can be, streaked with paintbrush clouds.” 

It had looked like something ready to be forgotten

another callback to chapter 1. “Here, the architecture feels almost temporary, as if it’s been carelessly dropped on some enormous play-mat and forgotten.” i always try to use jimmy’s observations of abq to reflect how he feels about himself at that point. 

along with the thought of the heavy suitcases that he’d watched slip and shift in the overhead lockers before takeoff

i don’t think it really stands out enough to be anything, but i was stuck for list items here and i ended up trying to fold in some of that slippin’ jimmy gaze. the idea that maybe he’s not only looking at people to read them / figure out how he could scam them, but looking for these liability insurance $$ payouts waiting to happen. 

... along with the thought of their drive out to O’Hare, Jimmy silent in the passenger seat of the rental car, the radio off and Chuck’s grip tight on the steering wheel. 

oops--just remembered jimmy says chuck’s waiting in a taxi! 

Jimmy had listened to the line ring for what felt like forever, each silver chime spinning a silver thread across the city, winding toward his mother’s living room. 

more damn callbacks! when he thinks about calling his mother in chapter 9: “He imagines a line emerging from the handset, a thin silvery thread spinning off from his room and his street and then out of Albuquerque, crossing over the Sandias and shooting northeastward, over rivers and fields and Dust Bowl states, until finally arriving in Cicero, in his mother’s living room.” 

It echoed through the handset like it was being piped back to him, like the prison phone was just a sick joke, a closed loop, locked inside

so much of acb is jimmy trying to break out of these closed loops 

In a bright and steady voice, or at least his brightest and steadiest, he had said, “Hey, Mom. Something’s happened.”

law offices of james m mcgill, how may i direct your call! 🙂

It seems unfamiliar at first, but then the city starts to take shape, and he thinks he can see the squat skyscrapers of downtown, the geometric cubes that rise from the flat land. 

i wanted this to be the end point of a series, where jimmy’s first impression is the beginning, and him arriving back from cicero is the middle, and now only here is he finally familiar with the city. the next few sentences are kind of a walk through acb -- "squat skyscrapers of downtown” is similar to how jimmy sees the city in chapter 7 when they go to the movies, then we get central avenue/route 66 “historic and neon-glowed”, and then finally the airport on the “desert shore” like in chapter 14. 

Might even see Chuck’s house, still lit by lantern light. 

ofc jimmy’s thinking of the luminarias but the dramatic irony here was too good to pass up 🔥🔥🔥

And in the west now, clouds. As the sun vanishes below the horizon, they become briefly clear, shadowed with lilac and orange, and Jimmy can see their shape by the light on them. 

you’re going to have to forgive me for how damn metaphorical this is gonna get, but thinking of metaphors is one of the big ways i spark ideas for description, and this ending is really just an enormous chunk of description, so 💀

these clouds. these damn clouds. ever since hamlin snr told jimmy to find a space in the world only he can can fit, jimmy’s thoughts have kept returning to that idea -- and his mother’s innocent words, too: “you were really in no shape”. so the idea that, if he can figure out what shape he is, he’ll know which space he can fit.

and throughout the fic when i was stuck on kim description i’d play with light, and the idea of kim being a source of light, like the sun. the fireworks sequence is a big example, where i wanted to make her as bright as the fireworks, or at the holiday party: “Beneath the hanging Christmas lights, she’s luminous.” 

so when i wrote “and Jimmy can see their shape by the light on them” i was thinking about him seeing the shape of himself and therefore his place in the world because of kim. 

... but the clouds only become briefly clear.

(it’s also a little bit of inspired/stolen phrasing from the end of no country for old men: “and i could see the horn from the light inside of it.”)

If he watched for long enough, he thinks that he could also see them moving slowly, driven by high winds.

oh did you think i was done talking about these clouds? ☁️☁️☁️

this from chapter 11: “A display entitled Surviving in a Moving Landscape shows how the dunes can shift almost forty feet a year in places, driven by high winds”

“surviving in a moving landscape” ♥️ i always thought that was a really nice way to look at the characters of bcs. they’re the animals in the dunes having to adapt to survive, but also the dunes themselves. moving slowly because of these intangible forces on them, adapting to the forces, but changing forever for it. 

The winds move through him, too, hollowing him out.

a future callback, i borrowed "hollowing him out” again for chapter 5 of safs, so keep an eye out 👁

In the darkness, the flat land below the Sandias seems to go on forever, black and flickering with dying embers: scorched earth. 

if i had seen this specific image of abq from the sandias before i wrote the chapter, the light on the clouds would’ve been the city lights of abq -- even BETTER than the sunset! look at it! LOOK!

He can even smell them on the wind: the woodsmoke scent of evening

jimmy thinks of night smelling like woodsmoke on their drive along route 66, and then again on the forecourt of clines corners. bringing that back here with the idea that it’s coming from those imaginary fires of the city lights. 

And he thinks that his whole life since arriving in Albuquerque has been like a controlled burn: searing away the silk shirts and the fake Rolexes and the ice of Michigan Avenue until nothing remains—breath on a cold mirror vanishing—a blank slate. 

(peter griffin voice 👉AHH, AHH, 👉THERE IT IS)

the end here is inspired by this from “how to embrace a swamp creature” by tmg:

Alone with your bathroom mirror Try to get my head straight Breathe on the glass and wait for it to clear Clean slate

Burned back and clean. So he thinks about what he could build. 

jimmy thinking very much like kim here, and especially what she said in the last chapter about the desert being sterile. 

He thinks about his brother on a park bench, surrounded by luminarias. He thinks about a paper-wrapped book with fourteen words inside it.

i really wanted there to be some of chuck in this moment, even though i’ve ended up in such a shippery/kim place. 

He thinks of letting her move against him, move over him, move around him. Of letting her define the edges of him.

the same idea as the light on the clouds, but hopefully a little more apparent! 😂and more returning images, and the seed planted by kim in the white sands motel. 

there’s something so fragile about jimmy’s realisation here, i hope. he really is still doing so much of this for other people. it’s hard -- there’s something about slippin’ jimmy coming to abq and deciding to *dedicate years and years of his life to becoming a lawyer* that’s just... incredible. i tried to get to a place by the end of this fic where it made sense, and of course we all know he ends up doing it, but -- i always wanted there to be this inspiration from within himself to do it, too, outside of him just doing it to follow kim or to make chuck proud. 

but i don’t think he’s found it here, as much as the shape of himself is briefly visible atop the sandia peak. 

Jimmy wonders if he’s allowed to stay here all night, up on the Sandias. Up on this one high place.

oh jimmy if only you could stay up there forever. hamlin snr voice: perspective!!

He imagines waiting exactly here until the sun returns, until it rises behind him and breaks over the mountains. Like sitting beside Kim on the trunk of her car, their legs pressed together beneath the blanket.

this specific idea of holding off on seeing 🌄morning over the sandias 🌄at the end of chapter 16 came as i was planning that chapter. i was worried that ending with a sunrise would seem too final, seem too much like the ending of the whole story, and that chapter 17 would then end up feeling tacked on. 

Then, the dawn had seemed to reach out close enough to touch them, huge and breathless, warm fingers on his skin.

three rapid fire callbacks in these next sentences. first an inverse of this from chapter 6, when kim takes a cup of coffee from him: “He can feel the ghost of her fingers like sunlight on his skin.” 

And Jimmy had inhaled the colors of it: blue and gold and orange, streaks of brightness across the enormous sky.

then white sands: “as Jimmy inhales the air and the colors he thinks that there could be nothing more opposite of a Cook County jail cell than this exact spot in the middle of the White Sands National Monument.”

Morning sliding over the land. 

and this is so niche and impossible, but it’s “I watch the sun rise over this wall / I watch it break and slide” from “graffiti” by throwing muses, which is on the road trip playlist and shows up in chapter 10 with: “A smile crests Kim’s face like the sun over a wall.” but, you know. callback?

And now he stands on the edge of the viewing platform and he looks out into the darkness of the city. And he imagines it all bathed in light.

i said that i decided to shift the idea of the sunrise here because it felt too much like an ending -- and man, the noise i made when i realised that jimmy imagining the sun rising behind him was jimmy imagining the world before him finally illuminated. 

i also loved the idea of the weird clash of him standing there at sunset, at night, and imagining dawn. 

🌄🌄🌄☁️☁️☁️ thank you so much for asking!! 💙

[writingfortoomanyfandoms]

Shiver - One

Pairing: Werewolf!Calum Hood x Reader

Summary: The seasons always have changed too fast

Warnings: Swearing(?)

Requested: Nah

Disclaimer: The idea of how the werewolves change form comes from the fantastic Wolves of Mercy Falls series by Maggie Steifvater, as does the title of the series, though the plot of this mini series is mine. But you should all totally go and check out this series bc it’s fucking awesome

A/N: so this is the first official part of my werewolf!Cal series! I hope y’all are all as excited about it as I am! Sorry there was a bit of a delay in posting it on account of all the Valentines Day blurbs I was posting instead but I’m really proud of this and I can’t wait to see what y’all think so please remember to lmk - comment, reblog, send an ask, whatever! But please just let me know :) as always if you want to be tagged then please send an ASK - comments on this post or the series masterlist will be ignored and also remember what if you are already on the tag list and you don’t respond to this post (with a comment etc) I will be removing you out of the assumption you no longer want to be tagged :)

Prologue // One // Two // Three

Y/N pulled the blanket up to the man’s chin. She had taken off her coat the second she found him passed out in the snow, his lips turning blue and his fingers icy white from the lack of blood in them, and had draped it over him in a  somewhat feeble attempt to help him regain some warmth.

The whole time she had dragged him back to her house - a long, painful process seeing as though the man was much larger and heavier than her, complete deadweight in her arms - her head was spinning with the possible explanations for the situation she found herself in.

There was no doubt in her mind that the whimper she had heard had been of the animal variety, and there was no chance at all that the hunt would have shot the man knowingly. 

They were arseholes, yes, but none of them wanted a murder charge.

Once she had succeeded in dragging the man back to her house she had only managed so far as bringing him to the living room where she left him on the carpet in front of the fire, still with her coat draped over him in an attempt to preserve his modesty. She had then gone to grab a first aid kit, hoping to do the best she could with her feeble medical knowledge in an attempt to save his life.

Y/N had cleaned the wound and wrapped it as best she could but she knew that what she had done would not suffice but there was little more that she could manage with the man passed out. There was no way that she would be able to get him to a hospital without him being conscious.

So she had settled with her sloppy attempt at bandaging him and had placed a pillow under his head and piled blankets on top of him, desperately trying to get some heat back into his body.

Now, she looked at the man, allowing her eyes to drag over the features of his face. His messy brown hair, his darkish skin, his plump lips.

If Y/N wasn’t as terrified of what the man could be as she was she would have found him attractive.

If he was what Y/N thought he was then she was in trouble.

///

There was a crash from the living room and Y/N jumped up from her place sat at the kitchen table. 

The man was crouched in the corner of the room in a defensive position, his eyes wide and scared, staring at his hands. His head snapped up when Y/N rushed in and he immediately assumed a more offensive stance, his teeth bared.

Y/N held up her hands, hearing her own heart thumping loudly and wildly in her chest.

“Who are you? What have you done to me?”

The man’s voice was low and husky. Danger seeped out of every word.

Y/N swallowed thickly. She wondered if she had made the right choice in trying to save his life.

“I’m… I’m Y/N,” she said, her eyes searching his distrustful brown ones. There was an animalistic gleam in them which scared and intrigued Y/N even more. “I… I tried to help you,” the words were a plea for him to listen to her, to realise that she hadn’t done… whatever it was that he seemed to be accusing her of.

The man launched himself at her, his hands pinning down on her shoulders, forcing her to the ground. He snarled at her and Y/N’s eyes began to water, fearful beyond belief.

“I found you outside! In the snow! You were shot!” 

The final statement seemed to make something click in the man’s brain and he slowly moved away from her, his eyes dropping down to his bare stomach with its sloppy bandage.

“Did you do this?” He asked after a moment. Y/N swallowed again and nodded.

“I-I was going to take you to a hospital,” she rushed out and the man’s head snapped back up to her, his lips curled once more in a snarl, his eyes aflame with anger but Y/N could see the fear that floated in them as well.

“No hospital.”

“Okay… no hospital,” Y/N agreed gently, sitting up as slowly as she could. “Should I… should I get you some clothes?” She offered. It was only then that the man seemed to realise he was completely naked and he turned away from her, nodding, trying to hide his embarrassment. “Follow me.”

She led the man through her family home and to the bathroom, opening the door and allowing him to enter it.

“You can shower and… clean up and I’ll leave some clothes outside for you?” She suggested and the man nodded, distrust still lingered in his eyes but Y/N did her best to ignore it. She went to close the door but his hand shot out to stop her, shaking his head.

“Open.” He insisted.

It was definitely fear in his eyes as he spoke. 

Y/N nodded, closing it a little further, the man moving with the door to make sure that he could still see her.

“How about there?” She asked, the door most of the way closed but she knew that he would still be able to see out into the hallway. The man hesitated for a moment before nodding. Y/N formed the best smile she could manage considering the circumstances and she was surprised at the man’s attempt to mimic it.

///

“Y/N,” she turned at the sound of her name, smiling nervously at the man.

“Hi.”

“I’m sorry,” he breathed and Y/N’s eyes widened. “Thank you for helping me,” his words sounded almost pained and there was a grimace on his face. Y/N’s eyes trailed down, locking on how one of his hands was resting on his side in the place he had been shot.

“You need to sit down,” she worried, approaching him. She wasn’t thinking when she took him by the arm and led him into the living room, seating him down in front of the fire. The man didn’t fight her, though, just allowed her to maneuver him. Y/N placed a blanket on top of him, watching how he curled up under it.

“Thank you,” he repeated, his eyes closing, his hands pulling the blanket tighter around him.

“Are you warm enough?” She asked nervously, remembering how freezing his skin had been when she first found him. The man nodded wordlessly. “Do you want some tea?” He gave another silent nod.

When Y/N returned with two steaming mugs of tea, the man peaked his eyes open and held out his hands, clasping his mug to his chest. 

Instead of joining him in her usual space on the sofa, she instead sat on the armchair usually reserved for her father.

“Calum,” the man finally spoke up after a few minutes of silent observation on his part and silently pretending that she couldn’t feel the man’s eyes searching her on Y/N’s.

“Pardon?”

“My name’s Calum.” 

“Y/N,” she said again, for lack of knowing what else she could offer him. 

Calum’s lips curled up in a slight semblance of a smile, which made Y/N’s own lips quirk up in response. He had a nice smile.

“Calum…” it was Y/N who broke the awkward silence this time, having seen his eyes slip closed and the grimace of pain that his smile had morphed into. “I really think you need to go to the hospital.”

“I said no hospital,” Calum gritted out, his eyes still closed. 

“They could help you.” Calum’s eyes shot open and he glared at the woman.

“They think I’ve been dead for four years.” 

Silence fell between them again as Calum’s statement sunk in. 

“I haven’t done enough, Calum… I don’t have any medical training.” Calum allowed his eyes to fall closed.

“It will do for now… it will work as we wait,” he assured her and Y/N was taken aback by his calm tone of voice.

“As… as we wait for what?” Y/N questioned, it was a reluctant question, though, as though she was scared of what Calum’s answer may be.

Calum let out a content, relaxed sigh.

“They’ll come… they have to come…”

It sounded like he was trying to reassure himself more than anything and Y/N swallowed, no idea what she should respond to him with.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Talk to me?”

“What?”

“Distract me as we wait?” He asked, peaking his eyes open again.

“What are we waiting for?” Y/N tried again and Calum’s expression was soft as he smiled at her.

“My family.”

“Do you want me to call someone?” Y/N offered but Calum shook his head, a wry laugh leaving his lips.

“They’ll find me.” He promised.

“Can I ask what you are?” Y/N ventured and Calum’s smile broadened a little.

“Well… I guess I owe you some sort of explanation to thank you for saving my life.” He mused, amusement twinkling in his eyes.

“I couldn’t have let you die.”

“Oh really?” Calum questioned.

“I mean I thought about it and then realised I had morals,” Y/N deadpanned. She was surprised by the laugh it brought from the wounded man on her sofa.

“I’m a werewolf.”

Y/N was clearly less shocked by the revelation than Calum had expected her to be.

“I thought werewolves changed on the full moon?”

“Some do,” Calum grunted out as he shifted in his spot on the sofa, his face contorting with pain. “But they’re from… other parts of the world,” he explained. “Around here we shift with the weather.”

“Seasonal werewolves?” Y/N asked and Calum shrugged.

“That’s one way of putting it I guess.” His voice was filled with laughter.

“So you change…”

“I turn into a wolf when it’s cold.” Calum deadpanned and Y/N nodded hesitantly, feeling a little light headed.

“Yeah… I thought that was what you were trying to tell me.”

Silence fell between them again as Calum’s announcement sunk in for Y/N. 

“How come you’re human now, then?”

“When we die, we die in our human form… my body must have given up on me. It couldn’t sustain my wolf form and so shifted me back,” Calum theorised, though it was clear that he was equally unsure about the reasoning. 

“That sucks.”

“Hm?”

“That even your own body has literally no faith in you,” Y/N supplied. Calum looked at her for a moment, taking in her sarcastic tone of voice before bursting out laughing.

“Yeah, I guess that is what happened.”

“Are you… are you warm enough now?” Y/N asked, clearly worried at the idea of Calum shifting back into a wolf in her living room. He let out another chuckle and nodded.

“Don’t worry - I’ll let you know if I start feeling particularly wolf-like,” he promised drily, shifting a little closer to the fire, his eyes dropping closed again.

“Should I put the TV on?” She offered quietly and Calum gave a stiff nod of his head.

They watched episodes of ‘Friends’ in silence, the jokes occasionally drawing a laugh from one or the other of them. About an hour in, however, Calum sat up.

“They’re here.” He looked over at her. “Help me up?” Y/N nodded, rising wordlessly from her seat, able, now to hear barking and growling outside her house and her heart thudded in her chest in fear and anticipation.

Calum’s arm rested around her shoulder, leaning heavily on the woman who had saved him. His other hand clutched at the blanket he had been under, keeping it secured around him. They half-walked-half-stumbled towards the glass door to her garden.

Y/N couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw five wolves congregated on the grass outside. In a split second, they turned all together, their eyes fixed first on her and her breath caught in her throat in complete fear when one of their lips curled up in a snarl. But then they slid across to Calum. The one stood at the front of the pack barked and leaned back on his back legs.

“This is about to blow your mind,” Calum’s words were a whisper, a proud smile curling at his lips as his eyes remained set on the wolves, the others having copied the stance of the wolf at the front.

Her heart was in her throat, her eyes wide and disbelieving as the wolves began to shift. Bones breaking and shifting from wolves to form a human structure, fur disappearing to be replaced with skin, paws replaced with hands and feet, firmly planted in the snow. 

The wolf - the human at the front of the pack, the one who Y/N placed easily as being the leader - lifted his head, jet black hair tousled and falling in his eyes. Hazel eyes which had so terrified her when he was a wolf looked at both her and Calum before a grin formed on his face, dimples slicing his cheeks as he stood, uncaring of his lack of decency.

Calum pulled away from Y/N as the man walked towards them, the rest of the pack not far behind - a tall blond man who would have been somewhat intimidating to Y/N even if she hadn’t seen him just change from being a wolf, followed by a beautiful woman with long dark hair and soft features. The other man who stood walked just behind the leader had almost white-blond hair and pale skin, his eyes shifted untrustingly at Y/N and she placed him as the wolf who had snarled at her but before he could do that again, the woman who stood behind him with purple hair placed her hand on his arm, calming him down.

Calum almost fell from the lack of support he had from Y/N after he had pulled away from her but the pack leader let out a quiet laugh, dimples deepening as he stepped forwards quickly to catch him. Calum joined in on his laughter, though his seemed much more pained to Y/N’s sensitive ears.

“Thank fuck you’re okay.”

[dr-who-said-lgbtq-rights]

i, a fan of superwholock, dissect and give my opinion on the individual shows

idk i thought this would be fun and i currently have 4-5 hours to kill soooo

let’s start with

doctor who

(only new who. i have not seen the older stuff :( )

k. so. i have been a fan of this since i was pretty young. honestly i think i was a little too young to be watching it when my mom first showed me it but that’s beside the point. basically: i really like dr who

this is probably the best show out of superwholock, both in my opinion and in general. however... i am going to be nitpicky bc why not

1. the canon. 

(yes the example is abt a dr who episode)

in short, the canon is comprised of a) retcons and b) contradictions. im not an avid follower of canon with any media but good god nobody can keep up with dr who canon

(i am blaming moffat bc i hate him and i think a lot of it is his fault anyway)

2. representation

honestly, the representation isn’t bad. however, i would describe it less as “good” and more as “a good starting point.”

for example, there is quite a bit of queer rep, POC rep, and a lot of characters are women. however, while this is nice, the show could still use a lot more rep, and the rep it has currently should probably be improved upon (for example: jack harkness is NOT straight, but he falls under the “multi-spec person wants to screw everyone” stereotype (i have not seen torchwood so this may be amended in that i just needed an example off the top of my head)).

3. story

some people yearn for romance. i yearn for the days when the doc would take their companion to some party, flirt with a tree, the companion almost dies while britney spears is playing in the background, etc. etc.

basically, the story starts out nice. just a bunch of goofing off, maybe a “big deal” thing here and there. life was fun.

then, the story changes. (this happened specifically from eleven onward, so yeah you can bet your ass im blaming moffat ‘cuz it’s his fault) things gradually became less fun. conspiracies ran amok; just when you thought it was over, turns out there’s an even bigger part of this plan that what you just defeated. the doc actually started caring about the timeline (what happened to time being wibbly wobbly?) sure, there are still fun episodes where the doc and the companion(s) go out for funsies but it’s just not the same as it was. 

4. morals

morals are good. basically:

you can have a dark past but still have a bright future, and

be kind

bonus 5. cowardice

at least one of the doctors played by one of the male actors should have worn a dress. there were plenty of opportunities but noooooo there’s a gender binary or something (like,,, they’re an alien????? if gender on gallifrey is the same as gender on earth i am going to fly to britain and drop kick some writers)

OVERALL

needs work, but p good and enjoyable.

~~~

now it’s time for 

sherlock

just. um. ohhh boy. basically

but i am going to do my best

1. representation

eugh. representation was baaaad in this. like, i think the only POC in the entire show that had any significance were the Chinese gang members and that is like,,, incredibly poor rep. i think the innkeepers in thob were gay but that’s as far as queer rep goes. there were a few women, i would die for all of them, we need more women. also the “im a high functioning sociopath” line makes me cringe everytime

basically this show had shit representation

2. john

okee he’s a great character right??? the common sense of the operation right??? wrong

he cheated on mary??? and we don’t address it like,,, at all??? it made me so fucking mad. 

(again fuck you moffat and gatiss probably had something to do with it too so im mad at him as well)

3. sherlock

classic “let’s make him a bitch” mistake. needs the stick surgically removed from his ass

4. story

story’s actually not that bad. it’s not like, great or anything but i enjoy it

bonus 5. ending

i just want to address it. i think the ending was p good and yall tjlc-ers are just upset that they didn’t bang or anything. they’re literally living in the same [two-room] flat??? and they’re raising rosie???? TOGETHER???? like what more do you want

anyway sherlock’s ace soooo

OVERALL

eh. needs LOTS of work. i love mrs hudson tho, she’s beautiful

~~~

and finally

supernatural

ohohoh. boooyyyy.

(plz forgive me this is so shitty but i threw it together in like,,, a minute)

1. story

aight so the first five seasons? p good. not much to say there

the other ten? the skill level of the writing went wayyyyyy down but i still enjoyed it

2. representation

this show is notorious for bad rep and for good reason. kevin, our beloved prophet and the only recurring asian-american character? dead. charlie, so nerdy and fun and also a lesbian? dead. castiel, the angel who was totally gay? dead. basically: if you find yourself in spn and you are not a straight white man, etc etc, you are going to a) die or b) die but in a worse way

3. mythology/treatment of religions

okay so. a while back i had a wicca/witchcraft hyperfixation which was closely followed by a general pagan religions hyperfixation, so i know some stuff here and there abt religions.

and good golly does this show make me MAD

why is christianity the central and most powerful religion? (i know why, it’s a rhetorical question) why do you demonize the other religions?? (again it’s rhetorical)

one thing that really annoys me is when they say something is a “pagan god.” like,,, do you know how many gods that contains??? if you didn’t know, a religion is considered pagan if it isn’t under the abrahamic religions umbrella. what are the abrahamic religions, you ask? well, they are christianity, judaism, and islam. literally every other religion ever is a pagan religion. so, when they say “it’s a pagan god,” i cry.

back to demonizing... they literally made a greek muse eat someone. my greek mythology phase ended a long time ago and i didn’t really get into the muses but i am p sure they didn’t eat people. also the fact that it makes hoodoo look dark and stuff when it’s actually more abt peace and healing... i bet ten dollars it’s because hoodoo was created by enslaved african americans

there are so many examples of this show disrespecting religions... i just can’t

4. general notes

(for you himym fans: *saluting* general notes) (sorry i couldn’t resist)

-the filler episodes/episodes where random shit happened were the best

-the finale memes are *chef’s kiss*

-god there’s so much abt this show that i can’t even choose bc my brain is overloading

-am i glad amara wasn’t ganked at the end of s11? yes. am i happy about the dean/amara kiss? gods no

-john winchester 🤝 steven moffat: getting a spot on my “fuck you” list

OVERALL

there is just. so much improvement needed. however if there is an absolute shit show with likeable characters i tend to gravitate to it

~~~

and for funsies let’s talk abt superwholock as a whole

-honestly im a sucker for crossover fandoms. if you scroll far enough on my blog you may find my rotbtd fanart. 

-it’s honestly just a fun idea

-there’s a lot of ways you could make it happen and all of them are fun

-great opportunities for rarepairs so rare no crackshipper has thought of it

~~~

aight that’s it. thank you for reading! if you have any questions abt my opinions abt other aspects of the shows just ask, i like talking abt this

[gra-sonas]

Hi! Can I just say that the thing I'm most thankful for today is you and your blog. It's literally the onlu tumblr I check every single day without fail & especially in times of turmoil your positivity just brings this peace. I'll be the 1st to admit that I'm not a fan of CAM, to say that I've disliked her since TVD is putting it mildly, but I just came from another blog and saw all these posts listing her faults. I know she's not perfect and I don't even like her but those posts weighed me down

2 so I just went back to your blog to reread all your positive response and I just wanted to say thank you. I didn't even expect to feel bad bec of criticism of CAM bec they were very valid points. But hammering it out after all these time is just heavy om the heart. I feel like what we need to do now is to move forward and heal and put her behind us. So I'm looking forward to any positive feeling or thoughts you'll be willing to share with us. You are a force of good and I'm sending you love

Goodness, I’ve received so much love yesterday, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed that this continues. 😳Your message made me smile tho, and I thank you for your kind words, nonnie! It makes me happy to know that my blog brings you some comfort. ❤️❤️❤️

Ngl, we’ve had a bit of a rough year. First the S1 finale debacle, then a very long hiatus that left the fandom fractured, followed by a rather underwhelming season 2 - it’s no surprise that there’s currently a lot of bitterness being voiced, especially since CAM contributed in different, and sometimes quite significant ways to what’s upset people. Believe me, I too am still bitter about quite a few things.

But I don’t want to let that bitterness consume me, I don’t want to dwell on it, especially now, when there’s a clean cut and a somewhat promising future on the horizon. 

For my own peace of mind, I want to focus on positivity, the possibilities, and all the things I LOVE about the show and its characters. Because there’s still so much I love about RNM (the reason why I’m still here, even tho I didn’t watch S2). S3 won’t be on our screens for another year, and I’d rather try and enjoy the time as much as I can (I don’t want another hellatus...).

I got a lot of asks the night when news broke that she’d leave the show (more than 50 👀), and quite a few of them pointed out negative things about her, listed rumors about her behavior (some dating back to times prior to RNM), mentioned rude comments she’s made, stuff like that. And I’m okay with people sending me these kinds of asks (I get it, sometimes it just feels good to blow off steam). 

I didn’t publish them tho, bc like you, the negativity tends to weigh me down, and I don’t want to amplify it.

Tbh, I’m just really tired of being weighed down by negativity. The show did that to me for the longest time (especially the last couple of months), and CAM definitely did play her part in that. But she’s gone now, and I’m more than ready to move on. 

There’s nothing we can change about the past 2 seasons, none of the mistakes or writing choices that were made can be undone. Canon is what it is (minus that scene, I refuse to acknowledge its existence), and I more than understand that not everyone’s ready to move on yet, that some of that bitterness has to get out first, be discussed and maybe rehashed a couple more times - all in order to eventually let it go. 

I want to focus on the good things from now on tho. I want to fangirl, read fic,  write fic (haha, as if my muse would let me 😒DEAR MUSE, I HAVE A BIG BANG TO WRITE, PLS DON’T MAKE IT SO HARD FOR ME), make gifs, perhaps rewatch some S1 scenes. I want to swoon over Tyler, laugh at Vlamis, slowly get excited about S3 around the time they return to Santa Fe - just nurture the little seed of hope that things will be better next season.

I really do feel a lot more hopeful now. I’m not as anxious anymore, I don’t dread thinking about the future of the show like I used to. I’m well aware that even with a new show runner things can go sideways. Chris Hollier isn’t some savior who’s gonna magically fix all past mistakes and will never make any of his own.

He just seems a little less unpredictable, a little less “vindictive”, and a lot less thriving on misery, all things I appreciate. He’s also not constantly on social media to either “spy” on what fans are talking about, or barging in to “correct” us when we supposedly focus on the “wrong” things.

We may have lost the hot wire connection to the show runner, but imo that can be an advantage. I’m sure regardless of him not monitoring fan activity on Twitter and Tumblr 24/7, Chris is well aware of how important Malex are to fans, and he knows how important they are to Tyler and Vlamis. I believe he also knows about all the grievances fans have regarding making PoC the villains, mistreating Maria, sidelining characters, and so on.

He doesn’t have to be on social media to be aware of these things (many of the RNM writers are on social media, it would be a miracle if they didn’t talk about stuff like that in the writers room), and I hope he’s gonna fix some of the more glaring issues, and hopefully he’ll refrain from fucking up Malex (I believe they are in good hands with him tho).

Anyway, this got long and super rambly. Sorry, must’ve been something in the water this morning xD 

Here’s to a mostly enjoyable hiatus, what I can do to make it a little more silly and fun, I’ll do. ✨💚👽

[theshinsun]

A-Z for honesty hour because I'm an asshole. :D

A - If I’m in love.

...yes. I never thought I would be again, I thought I’d been too hurt and jaded to feel this way again, but against all odds, I’m back to being 17 in full force.

B - Who the last person I talked to on the phone was.

The only one who ever calls me is my mother. And customers at work.

C - How long it’s been since I’ve kissed.

damn, almost a year now… not since my last relationship ended back in October-ish. even then, it was mostly casual pecks idk if we ever seriously made out tbh.

D - If I have a preference for boys or girls.

already answered (twice) but I'll keep going… I've got a definite preference of guys over girls, but I'm also a bi disaster and sometimes it doesn't make a lot of sense why this person is instantly attractive to me while that person isn't. certain aspects of femininity do appeal to me, but weirdly other aspects seem to be a turn-off and I can't always put my finger on what or why. ...that caveat does not apply to masculinity though, even if it's traditionally "masculine" features on a feminine-presenting individual I am 100% down every time.

E - How many holes I have in my ears.

two and a half? I got a third piercing at some point halfway up the lobe but it got infected and scarred over I think. the holes I do have are also stretched (I'm up to 0G now) and I've been meaning to get some more.

F - Give me any options, like ‘hot or cold?’

wasn't given any options, so I guess I'll go with hot or cold lol. I prefer hot, I'm one of those weirdos who loves summer because of the heat and I'll usually take a hot food/drink over a cold one.

G - The last person I said ‘I love you’ to.

my mom, over the phone just now.

H - The last person I hugged.

my roommate. we're not always super touchy-feely with each other but I've been feeling kind of down and she noticed.

I - The last time I felt jealous, and why.

I'm not usually a very jealous person, but the last time I really felt that way… I'd recently broken up with my ex, and they were sitting on someone else's lap and I… felt things. part of the reason I realized I may have made a mistake.

J - Are you insecure. What about?

K - What my full name is

already answered, my first and middle are Jacob Brooks, I'm not putting my last name out there sorry I don't trust like that.

L - If I have siblings.

already answered, I've got two, an older brother and a younger sister.

M - If I forgive betrayal.

I mean, I forgive but I don't forget, ya know? like I'll accept an apology if it's sincere and welcome the person back and never bring it up again, but I'm probably gonna be cautious around them in the future, and not trust them as readily as I would have before.  

N - If you want to know how I treat my friends.

if I call someone my friend it means I really feel close with them, and I treat my friends basically like my family. I try to always be honest and supportive of them, bc I love and appreciate them and just want them to be happy. 

O - If I like my school.

I love my school. the campus is beautiful, the teachers are fantastic, and I just love being there and learning and growing in my classes. I'm really sad this semester is probably going to be mostly online because I really feel like I belong in those studios and on that campus and I miss it.

P - What kind of music I like.

already answered, and it mostly boiled down to all over the fuckin place, so this time… band recommendations, here we go. no you have no say in this.

here, have a clump of random favorite bands off the top of my head: mother mother, bad suns, nothing but thieves, hozier, shearwater, the neighbourhood, steam powered giraffe, rainbow kitten surprise, the oh hellos, gregory alan isakov, caravan palace, mystery skulls, khai dreams, autoheart, muse, silversun pickups, thousand foot krutch, two door cinema club, twenty one pilots, blue october, jukebox the ghost

Q - What the last party I went to was, and when the next will be.

I'm not a partier at All, but I did have a bunch of friends over for the 4th (okay I say a bunch but it was like four people from our usual less-socially distant circle). I have no idea when the next get-together will be, it's kinda hard to plan those kinds of things lately.

R - For me to tell 10 of my curiosities.

the phrasing of this question is weird but I'm gonna assume it means things I'm curious about? let's go with that.

travel. I haven't ever been out of the country and I'd like to see other parts of the world at least at some point in my life.

tattoos. both getting them and learning to do them, it's a niche branch of art that I'm just fascinated by and I might like to do it as a career if I knew more about it.

same thing with being a florist. I'm really drawn to it as a concept and I'm super curious how it works, but I have no idea what kind of… qualifications and whatnot I'd need for that.

 surfing. I'm surrounded by the lifestyle and now kind of own a surfboard, I just want to know what the appeal is.

this may be a bit tmi, but I'm really curious what it's like to have a dick. I don't suppose I'll strictly ever know, but I still really want to… probably one of the biggest things to clue me in that I'm definitely trans is the literal penis envy ngl. 

I've always kind of had a fascination with the ocean, and I'd love to go like, scuba diving or something someday, to see it up close and personal.

I think everyone has the impulse thought of shaving their head at some point. maybe someday I will I don't quite have the balls to do it now.

I've gone this long in my life and never wielded a sword? a travesty. I don't pretend to have the grace to actually know how to use one, but I've like, never even held a real one and the idea interests me a lot.

this one might be slightly morbid curiosity, but I don't think I've ever been like, properly drunk or high before, like I've been tipsy but I've never been wasted, you know? the idea kind of scares me and I don't think I'm going to go out and remedy it, but it's still there, and even if I know it's not a good idea, I do still wonder what that's like.

same vein, maybe even a little darker, but I've got at least a little morbid curiosity about like, death and real danger. again, not planning to act on it At All, but the thought is still lurking in the back of my mind like what if…? you asked for honesty.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

S - 2 habits.

bit of a new habit, but I have a whole ritual of disinfecting groceries when I bring them home, and then disinfecting the door knobs and counters. I don't know if it'll persist after the pandemic is over, but it's already ingrained in me and I don't feel comfortable if I skip it or do  it differently.

I apologize for things that aren't my fault. it's such an instinct at this point to say "sorry" when I'm uncomfortable or anxious that it doesn't even register anymore, even when people tell me not to be sorry, I'm still gonna say it, sorry.

T - 5 things I love unconditionally.

already answered so here's 5 more

my family. if I haven't got my family I haven't got anything, we've got each others' backs and I won't turn on them for anything

my friends. same deal, I owe so much to my friends, I love them, and that won't change no matter what they decide to do or be.

sleep. I love sleep so much, even if it's just an involuntary nap, though for someone who loves it so much I sure don't get enough of it

spotify. I know it has problems, I know there are probably more streamlined/cheaper music streaming services out there, but at this point, I've sunk too much of my time and energy into this one and I'll never give it up

my ocs. I don't talk about them very much on this platform, but I have them, they're my children, and I love them even if they're assholes and never easy to write/draw. 

U - How many texts I send daily.

already answered, the number varies, and sometimes swings drastically between like, 5 and 35 on any given day.

V - 3 big dreams.

graduate art school. it's gonna be a serious undertaking and probably take several more years and a lot of loans at this point, but I'm still determined to get there someday.

someday I want to write a book. I know I've said that before on a different prompt, but it wouldn't be a list of dreams without including this one that I've held onto since childhood. 

this one's kind of vague, but someday… I want to not be afraid anymore. like I want to finally be in a state of mental/financial security so I can live my life without the fear of what's coming next. 

W - An idol.

it's probably really basic to list a youtuber, but I've still gotta go with Chase Ross. the guy was an inspiration and a major source of information and support for me early-on in my transition, and even watching him now I still want to approach life with the pure positive energy and confidence that he has. 

X - If I’ve done something I regret very much.

yes. a couple things, really… some of which I don't think I'll ever be able to make up for.

Y - If I like my town and why.

my current town? yeah, it's got its problems but it's also beautiful and full of life and art and unique energy and I miss the days before the Corona End Times when I could actually go out and enjoy it.

Z - Ask any question you want.

??? I did not receive any specification for this one, and given that I didn't skip even the duplicate answers and this is ridiculously long, this one I'm gonna SKIP.

[echoedfates-archive]

Oh and also. I mentioned I had something to talk about yesterday. This is more for my own nerves rather than actually changing anything about how I’m writing.

Lately, I’ve seen post bringing up Hilda’s attitude towards Almyra and I was wondering if that would ever come up since the fandom is so quick to bring up Ingrid’s racism. That was always something I found weird because whilst they’re problematic in different ways, both characters have prejudices yet only one is hated. Hilda is actually incredibly popular among fans.

So when I first saw posts about Hilda I was like ok, that’s fair. But then I saw some that got a bit harsher, something along the lines of “Oh, don’t think we’ve forgotten about you, Hilda.” or maybe it was third person. Either way, it sounded like someone calling out a certain author or other real person, rather than a fictional character. I’m not saying that we ignore characters’ bad traits, but fans get so heated. Not just on this topic: the hate towards Edelgard or Dimitri (depending which side you’re on) goes too far too often and carries over to hating their fans. I don’t know what’s brought it on; I’ve been here since Awakening and never saw such vile attitudes. I almost miss people just moaning about Camilla getting another alt.

That wording with Hilda is a minor issue, but just the idea of referring to her as if she’s a real person that needs to be called out is... Icky. Because it feels more like fans of her are being called out through her. Hilda is interesting! Ingrid is interesting! IntSys are bad writers when it comes to racism! We can acknowledge that and still like them, and in our fics and comics and threads have them be better! Either remove that part entirely bc if IntSys can’t be bothered to write the topic respectively, then maybe it shouldn’t be there to begin with. OR. We can write about them learning to be better!

But on that latter topic... I don’t want to say that Hilda isn’t prejudice. But I also don’t want to write a post now. I’m word vomiting here bc that takes less thought that deciding how to make Hilda grow. And... I currently feel like I’m forced to write such a post. It’s not the fault of mutuals so if you’re reading this, you’re probably fine. But there was something on the dash the other day that got me upset because it felt like gatekeeping. Like I wasn’t good enough because I hadn’t made such a post my priority. It wasn’t about me specifically, but it still hurt.

“But Katya, you’ve had Hilda for more than half a year!” Well, guess what? I sometimes add muses before I read all their supports and whilst I knew about House Goneril involvement with Fodlan’s Throat, that feels very mutual to me. From Claude, it seems that the hatred between Almyra and Fodlan may be mutual and he’s stuck there as a child of both... Which as a dual national (well, culturally. HOPEFULLY I can finally get my other passport this year) myself, I do appreciate him being there and wish we got more of his explicit feelings and thoughts on the matter.

But anyway, my point is that I didn’t notice anything odd. I saw a mutual conflict and general tensions bc they’re constantly fighting. So what about Cyril’s supports?

...I don’t like Cyril. He bored me compared to the rest of the cast. I’m sorry to his fans, maybe I’d change my mind if I actually saw his supports, but my point is that I didn’t see his supports with Hilda. Even now, I’ve only seen their C support.

So I added her without knowing. And yeah, now I know there’s racism there. Not the direct “I hate Almyrans and think they should die” kind, more the stereotypical biases kind. Like, nobody will ever tell me that I’m a 2nd class citizen, but I do hear people and the British media, particularly 5-6 years ago when a certain racist politician got popular talk about how “Bulgarians are thieves and crooks” and I’ve had people tell me to my FACE how they hate them, after learning I’m half Bulgarian. Kinda sounds like Hilda claiming Almyrans are brutes, so trust me. I’m not excusing her.

BUT. Coherent thought written out in an intelligent manner takes a lot more effort than this word vomit where I’m just typing whatever I’m thinking at the moment. And now that I’ve seen these aggressive attitudes and gatekeeping, I don’t even want to make that post. Headcanon posts should come from a place of inspiration of a desire to develop my muse. Especially a topic like this, where I should be talking about Hilda becoming a better person, because that’s what I want from her!

Not because I feel like I can’t come to the dash without justifying having Hilda on my muse list first. Let alone use her.

I know where Hilda got her shitty views from. I know how her thoughts are working. I know how she unlearns those biases. But. A sour taste has been left in my mouth, so I’m going to write that post of my own accord when I’m no longer feeling pressured, because this is a hobby and the moment it becomes a chore is when any of of us should stop.

I’m not ignoring her behaviour. I’ll only write it plotted though because it’s such a sensitive topic, even if the plotting is just me dropping a quick message asking “are you comfortable with this” if we’re not already friends, because trust is important. Pre-skip and post-skip Hilda will have different attitudes, but the explanation will come at another date, or maybe it won’t. Right now, I don’t want to write it.

If that is a problem and a deal breaker for you, then just unfollow me. It’s fine. My comfort is more important than, what, having the moral high ground to write about a fictional character I don’t even own? Given the hatred I’ve seen towards fans of certain characters however, I feel like I need to make a disclaimer.

This isn’t a debate. This also isn’t an excuse to take my words out of context and make it look like I’m defending racism. I’ve been a victim of Hilda’s particular brand, so don’t even try it. I might say I’m tired bc I’ve not been on my iron supplement long, but if I catch anything written about me, or any aggression in the replies to this, self care will go out of the window and I am not the type to be the “better person”. I basically trust my mutuals, so this is just a pre-cautionary warning as opposed to an explanation.

“But Katya, this post is longer than a headcanon post would be!” Yeah well brain juice says no no to the latter. If anyone wants to talk about Hilda and this topic, I’ll do so privately in relevant topics e.g. She learns Claude is half-Almyran and says something she shouldn’t.

...

Bloody hell. This was an essay. I’m sorry. I should stop typing my literal thoughts.

[daycollins]

{ zendaya ☁ twenty six ☁ she/her }  among the whispers around peach hollow, have you heard of daysia collins? no? well, let’s catch you up to speed. rumor has it, she’s been seen strolling around blueberry boulevard & have lived in peach hollow for six years. it’s good to have her around because i hear she’s a crisis counselor for a living. recent events must have her trembling because it hasn’t be long since everyone found out she flunked school. let’s hope they learned their lesson that the truth always catches up to you.

yall know me. i’m kim, i play winnie, and i’m one of the admins!!  this is my damaged but optimistic baby, daysia. ITS PRONOUNCED LIKE DEJA VU :’) i just created her in november but she so quickly became my favorite muse to write. so buckle up! and pls plot w me. i am fragile and if i don’t get any plots i will hide in a dumpster, where i belong.

TW FOR DEATH, DRUG USE, ALCOHOLISM, CAR ACCIDENT

here is her pinterest and a spotify playlist if you wanna check those out ~

daysia jade, day, dj, deej – anything goes. she’s 23 and will turn her head to just about anything. she’s a spring baby born march, 1996.

her childhood was pretty good. she and her brother grew up a year apart, and her parents divorced early. early enough that daysia can barely remember a time where the family was hole, and likes it that way.

however, her father did not take the divorce well and turned to drugs – meth to be specific. he only saw the kids on weekends and even then, daysia and marcus absolutely knew what was happening. perhaps they didn’t know his choice of poison, but they knew that it was just that: poison.

he was never abusive and always took care of the kids, even if he was tweaking out of his mind. there were a few instances that were touch and go, like when he forgot to take dinner out of the oven and it caught fire, or when he forgot to change the sheets – little things that added up.

when daysia was 16 and marcus was 15, they were involved in a car accident. her dad was high behind the wheel, lost control of the car, and they hit the guard rail. they went over an embankment and down a short hill before the vehicle came to a complete stop, flipped over. she watched the life drain from her brother’s face, and never got into a car again.

a good deal of resentment built up for her father, but she remained stoic, even when he went to prison for drug charges and the dui he’d racked up that ultimately killed her brother. she didn’t let anyone know that she was hurting, because she numbed it all. she threw herself into her school work and her artwork, painting constantly. melting colors together somehow helped her cope. she could get her emotions out on paper. in fact, that still rings true today. in her bedroom of the apartment she lives in, she has covered one of the walls in canvas and paints over and over.

in an effort to start life over, daysia left detroit when she graduated high school. she transferred to peach hollow where she went to winchester university, not wanting a lot of attention. this is where she really came to life.

daysia was able to push michigan to the back of her mind entirely, because peach hollow had so much to offer. the people were better. the music was better. the parties were better. the education was better. there wasn’t a single thing she missed from home aside from her mother, who she kept in regular contact with and still does. they’re always texting and facetime before bed every night.

she came alive. college changed her. she was studying a subject that interested her and meeting people who didn’t have to know about her past. she did, and does everything to keep michigan her dirty little secret. she liked the party scene, but only drank or smoked weed. she refuses to touch anything that might turn her into her father. she was even hired on as a crisis counselor for a local hotline, contractual to her graduation.

in the past month, daysia has plummeted, however. nobody would ever be able to tell. she is the queen of poker face, an absolute delight to be around. she can be a little aloof, and is constantly stoned, but it’s how she gets through the day. she is an absolute goof, loves to crack jokes and make people laugh. she loves to laugh herself. these are all traits that show and cover the inner turmoil constantly trying to bubble to the surface.

daysia received word that her father passed away in jail. he overdosed, and she wasn’t sure how to feel. so she didn’t. she did, however, stop doing school work and started drinking more. she flunked out of school and lost her job.

at the same time, she got into her first serious relationship. day fell hard and fast for her best friend, mac. their relationship started out much like a fairy tale. she wanted to keep it like that forever, but her addiction and ptsd took over. she tried her very hardest to hold onto mac, but he moved back to nyc with their best friend, dom, in tow. she still misses them to this day and finds it hard to keep friends like she kept them close. the littlest things will remind her of mac and she’ll start to spiral. two years later and she’s still hung up, but she’ll deny it to the very end.

it’s safe to say that when this happened, daysia crumbled. she realized just how many people she’d lost and how many she had -- and she didn’t have anyone at that point, or so she thought. she continued to isolate and stopped answering her phone, and within the week, her mother was there to drag her home to detroit for detox. 

she spent the next few weeks laying in the bathroom, going through withdrawal from alcohol and the various benzos she’d started eating like candy. things were bad. her mother never left her side, and after many na and aa meetings, after snatching pill bottles and miniatures out of her room for months, daysia cleaned up her act. she put on a healthy amount of weight, started working out, went to aa or na two or three times a day until she was comfortable enough to skirt by a day or two without one. she finished up her degree that summer and started waiting tables. she saved up every cent, finally having enough money and credit built up to buy a house where she really wanted to be: peach hollow.

after talking to her old boss, they agreed to take her back on as a crisis counselor when she moved back

so the newly clean and sober (aside from weed lol) daysia is living in a house on blueberry boulevard with @dawsonsawyer​

as for her personality and relationships, daysia excels. she is nurturing, so when a friend, or even a stranger is hurting, she tends to go to their side and comfort them. as long as she can make them laugh, then everything will be okay. she makes friends pretty easily, and keeps them for the most part. she is fiercely loyal and will absolutely scrap to defend her loved ones.

she loves love. there is no gender she isn’t curious about and absolutely loves romance, though she also tries to hide that. her walls are ten feet tall. she’s in to hook ups, flings, and polyamory. she’s very open in that sense!!

FUN FACTS

she has an english bull dog named frank!! he is her pride and joy. she dresses him up in outfits, has regular photo shoots with him and loves going to the dog park. he isn’t legally an emotional support animal, but that’s definitely what he is to her. if he doesn’t like you, she won’t either tbh

she has this lil purple pen looking thing that is always on her. it’s her weed vape and she will hit it anywhere. her dumb head is always in the mfing clouds

she has a spotify family plan that is currently only her, mac, and dom and she will absolutely invite anyone she meets bc spotify premium is something everyone should enjoy

wears a lot of graphic tees and jeans, kinda a tom boy. doesn’t love dressing up but will occasionally. also doesn’t rly like make up but DOES know how to beat her face

1000% unable to be alone for like any period of time?? like if she gets off work and no one is in her apartment she just leaves. she goes next door to mac, goes to the peach pit, anywhere she can socialize. being left to her own thoughts will always turn out poorly.

really loves poetry. cannot write it to save her life, but loves going to slam readings or checking out poetry books from the library. her adhd brain can’t handle novels – poetry is just the right length to keep her attention and dig into her soul.

oh yeah, she’s got some pretty intense untreated adhd lol

OK SO WANTED CONNECTIONS IF UR STILL HERE LMAO

ex-roommate: something happened between daysia and this person, whether it was a relationship gone wrong, a friendship with tension, or just the other person being a damn slob – and daysia removed them from the house and moved someone new in. they are probably on shitty terms.

current flings: a few people are probably on her list of suitors right now. people she spends time with romantically, but hasn’t committed to. she absolutely cannot be alone, at any point… ever! so, she has someone with her at all times. m/f/nb, all good.

party friends:  this one is pretty self explanatory!! these are friends that daysia may or may not talk to outside of a party, but will always cling to at one.

close friends: she lets very few people all the way in, but those that make it are generally taken care of by day. she makes sure that they are as comfortable with life as possible and spends a lot of time with them

exes: as daysia is a ticking time bomb, there have been many people she’s blown off. whether they once hooked up, were together, or what have you, daysia has a lot of exes. she never means to hurt anyone. it just sort of happens and she has accepted it.

[queenofallwitches]

Venus trine MC, my MC lies in Saturn and Saturn is in 9th house Aquarius.

Saturn Return, and my Soul Journey into 12th house Sun conjunct Mercury (in Aries) bound by the 12th house Shadow Secrets. Jupiter is Leo and Mars is softened by my conjunct cancer moon, both in my 3rd house. The kicker is Chiron simultaneously sitting over in my wounded goddess divine feminine Luna moon compelling me to build a home, a base and a clan of like minded souls. cancer and Chiron sit together and Chiron is akin to the wounded healer. I have a complex but alchemical natal make up and its been 6 years of accepting the square and oppositions in difficult places to come to terms to work with my natal astrology in a way I can become creatively involved in.

23/3/20 initiated the formal induction of my Saturn return as saturn transited to Aquarius for the first time since 92/93.

It’s a taste of the full saturnine swing coming up after the December 21st astrology grand conjunction. Saturn will be in Aquarius up to July. before moving briefly back before that grand Conjunction with Pluto/Jupiter later in 21/12/2020. (activity period from 14 April 2020 until mid-July 2020) Venus trine MC

Yeah on a tangent but one day I will be thankful this was forged. I am will using my moonchild manifesto to track the astrology and transits for my own wounded healer journey. I don’t have the consistency of a computer to hoard things as I did before the big brother fascism came full formed this year and cannot freely trust anything can be stored. I will be putting things online purely to keep a record of what may soon be lost, unable to be accessed.

Plus I’m burning my journals after I take the photos of them and upload them for a ritualistic purpose.

It’s part of this creative alchemy and trauma soul retrival quest I’ve found myself on. I note this as my Saturn is returning home for my FIRST Saturn return. I have been formally initiated for the infamous, enigmatic Saturn return that marks the passage from “adolescence into adulthood”. (Funnily last time I heard a university lecture on neuroscience, the latest research noted recent findings that the brain of a fully, functional prefrontal cortex in adult brains don’t become fully formed until age 28-30. This first sparked excitement and also uncertainty about the privilege cast to the “teenage myth”. As kids brains are still developing when things like getting a driving cars, choosing a life career, alcohol privilege and making other major life changes at those critical developmental stages are still as risky when a 12-16 year old does it. So now psychology and neuroscience knows that the adult higher order thinking that marks the turn of a mature and civil adult come in the late 20s. Not the teens. So until after 25 a brain cannot be fully assessing its choices due to underdeveloped prefrontal higher order thought processes This was fascinating in the social science side of things where we look into social constructs of society and how teenager was a made up archetype for a post war period. I remember being in my early 20s at the time and my life was no longer a race as it had been made to be prior.the schools of the latest brain neuroscience confirm my impulsive nature could change before age 30. I was hopeful. Maybe I wasn’t a gifted genius who was highly sensitive and afflicted with the contrasting “ADHD or Attention Deficit Primaily Inattentive” which could only be “treated” (as far as I had experienced), via heavy duty schedule 8 drugs. The kind of medication that calmed me down but other people wound beg me to have. Meaning in the past people in my life around me were constantly trying to turn into their party high by taking advantage of my disdain for psychostimulants. But my love and need for money back in that time. Fuck fake friends I say. Taking advantage or dysregulated prefrontal cortex with or without all my labels was still, after all, a risky business, when it comes to juggling psychopharmacology and a myriad of labels that resulted in other medicines given to me that may or may not be accurate. No brain scan or confirmation has been given that my brain is anything aside from ADHD. So my academic quest in childhood was confounded due to this.I learnt a lot about my childhood and growing up with a long list of multiple mental illness diagnosis, and the medical pharmacology given to me for those things; was beyond measurable.

But my neurochemistry was tweaked ineffably by both psychiatric pills pushed on me from age 9 and for things I may not even need. The end result of what my social science teacher termed “social constructs akin to mental illness medical model DSM labels”. My self pursuit of understanding my own brain was a hard thing to understand in the sense that prior to hearing about this from the side of academic and professional training, I had spend 12 years in expensive and possibly more damaging than beneficial treatment for “mental illnesses”. My life was a focal point for the goal I set to help women with the “borderline stigma” after I had fixed my own borderline.

Clinical psychologist was my end game until I found the trauma truth sweeping me into a existential soul contusion merged with trauma after trauma therapy went into flooding memory. Academic research and the psychology and counseling journals I spent my spare time fine combing. For answers. For my why and how. By the time I found any sense of this it became a painful limbo of dancing with my demons, coping destructively and limbo between the underworld and the reality I found my body and mind entwined in.

Now it’s even more synonymous to my own Saturn return journey and how the Saturn return is the mark of adulthood. This can be a speculative musing I make now on celestial astrology and how it aligns to our inner psychological makeup. (The Jupiter return is age 12, puberty ; and the other inner planets all mark significant development milestones in growing up. I’ll go into that more in later blogs).

Astrology is a map of the soul, psychology makeup, can be so deep too. How does it measure up to statistics? Sun sign horoscope is nothing versus the natal chart and how it corresponds to planetary magick and Kabbalah. I have been seperate in my magick and academic work but it was always my will to merge these at one stage I could research it. But now the sands of time are shifting, and Aquarius Saturn is calling for novel innovation I never could convey due to academic being seperate as spiritual, magickal practice is something I was careful to keep silence on when working with clients, peers and mentors, forget telling my psychologists or doctors who wound dismiss any test as “bipolar mania”. I remember once I read “the difference between the mystic and the mad man is the mystic knows who NOT TO TELL.

Now it’s my time to informally but officially start logging my journey into my own healing, soul mapping, I call it cognitive alchemy, gnostic psychology, soul psychology, metagnosis.. I’ve had many a name for the potential inspiration from my true will calling. But I can now forget about the archaic bonds from the academic world I was schooled to excel in by confirming. I am also a high iq gifted kid and having been labelled gifted but “adhd” simultaneously while having traumatic events left right and center is a mix of confusion for me. Teachers classed adhd as a learning disability, my in attention confused with inability to listen to simple tasks. This meant my mind never adapted to that school conditioning but my education was still installed due to the private school system somehow making my alters succeed without effort. Most of my spare time as a kid that wasn’t dissociative was reading books. By me processing my own literature in my spare time, I knew so much random stuff but hid it in order to seem dumb bc that was accepted. But in private in encyclopaedias and non fictional library quests I’d devour books. for my 10 maximum haul of borrowing books. This was a routine my mum and I went to do each week but my reading speed was beyond anything known, as I read and synthesised up to 10 books mostly in one day, from age 6 onwards.

I also stole books and hid my reading habits at school due to a deep shame of not being liked due to reading being for losers without friends, as girls bullied me over my gifted weird quirks. I was pretty but saw my self as ugly for trauma will deprive the mind of seeing it’s own true perception. I was never understood how my looks became a thing used against me by girls who were jealous until I learnt about this myself. I recently accepted and remembered this all after 3 years of integrated healing. I was doing this all on my own. the spiritual and metaphysical work is my primary tool that was keeping me here. Actually saving my suicide program from self destruct after the March 2017 incident I shall not talk about now. But I’m here now, alive, kicking, Saturn here to shove my shadow to consciousness without prompt and this change can bring me into a 30 year blueprint of setting things right.

Now in order to build a solid and functional framework and foundational life. I have a litany of secrets I need to get off my chest. I think to share my growth, my thoughts and my experiences for my own liberation of my deep dark secrets finally free to be released into the public domain.

I have no choice but to share this.

I do this co consciously as a part of my integrative process.

Maybe One day it might be a guide for someone who was as alone as I feel doing all of this self work without support. Maybe it will fade into the cyber void forever. Maybe I’ll use this as a tool to help clients in the future. Whatever this is means nothing but what the process of alchemy can do to forge my liberation from soul loss and traumatic dissociative trauma.

As a therapist I always wanted to avoid what I went through growing up. Now more so. I never want another lost dissociative mental health client who was also stuck between professional and academic pursuits being my “purpose” and having to sacrifice career and my study and research to sit in my shadow to see the shit.

In order to break the shit therapist mould I list journey through my own shit first. This meant I needed to be away from all therapy both as a client and practitioner and student for awhile. I’ve been off since the end of 2017 and now it’s clear it was neeed, how do I heal without healing my own shit first? Am I not the finest example of how bad therapists can get away with their bullshit and be paid for it but never really know who they are. I’m never doing that. I never was about that. So due to therapeutic negligence. I am finding my gift was the lesson. Those a shitty therapist who are a dime a dozen were the anti mentors I saw too often: but my purpose was to be a therapist. But a therapist who did things the way I never had.

Never did I want another to go into the heavy weight of shame from the secrets of sexual wounds, childhood schemas, mixed up and messed up conditioning made to seem functional to outsiders. But that was all alters. Now it was a spiritual journey as magick and my mystical path entwines to save my soul. The self awakening, trauma revelations, merging with the dark night of soul, and the shadow work. Plus everything else coming out is not a journey I can say is or was at all easy, I suffer more now as a co conscious intergrating my trauma. I feel it all without the dissociative switch to save me from witnessing all the shit. Now I see my entire life and it’s fucked up raw and grim reality and I have to do something because I survived it this far? Again I never suicided or stopped into self destruction when I knew my own inner child’s wounds were no longer blacked out but burning bright longing for love. Symptoms for survival and the survival was part of the dissociative switching making my outside self seem so functional, but never seen. It’s not something they needed to drug me for, but it’s another thing I have to address now. My symptoms they drugged with medications that were mind altering and powerful for anyone let alone a developing child’s brain, were suppressed by many meds. Who knows where that ends and the damage via trauma and other things begin? It’s a mess of some thing I was never aware of but always trying to silence due to the need for people to accept me. But that was many mes all living a life that appeased many people, but not for me. Here we are.

[stereosounds]

♡  ◟ °  ›   kim seokjin, cismale, he/him, twenty-five   ⋯   ❛   thank you for applying to BANANIRS AND AVOCADIRS, NICHOLAS “COLE” YOUNG  ! before we start this job interview, i would just like to go over a few questions. you said your best attribute was PASSIONATE, right ? well, word around town is that some people find you to be a bit more TACTLESS … but, nevermind that. i’m actually more curious about whether you were actually caught GETTING HEAD IN THE BATHROOM OF YOUR FATHER’S CHURCH last year ? oh, you were ? that’s unfortunate. on the bright side, i heard that you excel at BEING A MUSICIAN …. so that’s cool ! now, one more question … your last manager said that you’re hiding THAT YOU WERE KICKED OUT OF YOUR HOME AND ARE CURRENTLY RENTING AT LIKE A VIRGIN, is that true ? — haha , just kidding ! they didn’t say that, i just read that about you online . anyway , you got the job ! ❜ 】 joy, pst, she/her.

tw: religious mentions, mentions of homophobia, alcohol, drugs. uhhh. i think that’s it as far as this post goes.

alright  ,  alright  ,  alright  !  so  ,  so  ,  so  ,  i’m  ready  to  party  .  first  things  first  ,  hi  !  i’m  joy  and  i  am  super  duper  frick  -  frackin’  excited  to  rp  with  you  guys  .  i  sleep  too  little  or  too  much  but  never  enough  ,  i  love  the  moon  and  i  love  FRIENDS  .  now  that  we’ve  got  my  awkward  ass  over  with  ,  let’s  get  started  on  my  son  ,  cole  !  

okay  ,  so  ,  i  am  not  gonna  lie  to  you  guys  .  i  have  a  shit  ton  of  info  about  cole  up  already  ,  seeing  as  i  cannot  shut  up  about  this  guy  ,  so  this  intro  post  is  just  gonna  be  me  linking  to  you  to  everything  . 

pretty  much  everything  you  need  to  know  is  going  to  be  here  .  

but  for  those  of  you  who  would  prefer  a  brief  summary  ,  i’ll  do  that  for  you  as  best  as  i  can  .  right  now  ,  yes  indeed  .  let  me  just  ..   **  deep  breath  **  

nicholas ‘cole’ young, you would think he’d go by nick but no, he went against the grain and decided, i want my nickname to be from the middle of my name and only parents and teachers and old people call me nick, grossss and so, cole became his preferred name since he was like, six and let me tell you, he felt so clever coming up with this. in short, during his childhood, he was the perfect pastor’s son. he did no wrong, paid attention in class, sat with his hands folded on top of his desk. but even at a young age he could realise this was all forced, this didn’t come naturally and eventually as the years passed and adolescence approached, his posture started to slump and he started to replace his gospel cd’s with rock & roll, indie, and alternative. this, as you can probably guess, did not go over so well with his father, the pastor. 

see, cole had always been passionate about music and the only outlet he really had was the church band he was a part of since he mastered the guitar at the age of thirteen. he got into songwriting and he wrote a few songs about loving god, praising jesus, hallelujah but again, this didn’t feel natural to him. he felt much better writing about things like his crushes at school, or how he felt when his mom had to move back to korea to maintain her family’s business there. they called each other on the regular after she left, and he always felt closer with her as she had always been the more nurturing and compassionate parent.

going into teenagedom, his father’s anger seemed to boil over. probably had a lot to do with the fact cole’s mom wasn’t there to keep him calm anymore, and it didn’t help that cole was finally beginning to form his own mind & personality & opinion about things. he found his own style which meant straying away from his usual wardrobe that was designed to make him look church - ready. his father began to use physical means of punishment for cole, this coming as a result of cole mouthing back every now and then, muttering a curse word or saying the lord’s name in vein--- sometimes it came when cole had no idea what he was doing wrong. he started to resent his father, then felt guilty for feeling such a way for someone the community respected so much, so he buried his feelings and tried his best to keep up the image of being that perfect son. 

he didn’t think he was doing anything wrong when he dropped out of the church band and decided to form a band of his own at the age of eighteen with some friends ( who would eventually become his bestest friends in the entire world ! ) . the band would call themselves MIRVGE and sometimes they’d practise in the youngs’ garage, which cole’s father absolutely hated. but of course he’d wait until his friends left to reprimand him. fast forward to when he drops out of college to pursue his career as a musician and his father is about ready to drop kick him in the face, yeah, that wasn’t a fun time for cole. but they somehow made it through that, and things were.. for the most part, okay. well, okay as they could ever be for the two of them. cole still showed up every sunday for church but sunday’s best started to turn into last night’s clothes reeking like alcohol and cigarettes. 

then of course him getting caught getting head in the bathroom of his father’s church... with his boyfriend at the time. yeah, boyfriend. imagine how pastor young felt about that. well, that boy shortly thereafter became his ex, not that changed his father’s mind at all about essentially disowning him. that leads us to how cole is doing now, kicked out of his family home, banned from the church he spent most of his life in, and a goddamn mess. 

wooooooooooops  that  wasn’t  brief  at  all ...  aha  ...  yikes  ..  can  you  imagine  there’s  even  more  in  the  link  i  put  up  there  ?  let  me  link  you  again  so  you  don’t  have  to  scroll  up  :  here. 

umm what else can i say  ?  he’s  a  mad  hoe  .  he  drinks  ,  smokes  ,  gets  high  ...  on  the  regular  and  all  to  excess  ,  but  i  wouldn’t  say  he’s  addicted  to  any  of  these  things  ,  he’s  just  aha  ...  livin’  it  up  ,  man  ,  livin’  his  besssstttt  life  .

ALSO UHHH i just want to make this clear that cole is honestly.. he really is such a good guy he’s just been making a lot of bad decisions lately and hes just repressing so many emotions????? and has been since last year??? like his dad kicking him out, breaking up with his first love, then wanting him back n but instead getting a rabid squirrel set on him LMAO, the fact that his mom hasn’t been calling him also weighs heavy bc they were always so close and sighs. plus the fact he’s just, so broke rn and had to get a “normal” job when the whole reason he dropped out of college was to pursue his career as musician. he can finally admit he might be a little lost in life right now.

NOWWWW  ...  for  plotting  !!!!  

here  is  a  direct  link  to  cole’s  wanted  connections  .  but  tbh  i  am  not  at  all  restricted  to  what’s  listed  there  .  i’m  more  than  happy  to  just  bounce  ideas  off  one  another  too  ,  as  we  discuss  how  our  muses  might  fit  together  !  but  if  you  feel  like  you’re  gravitating  to  one  of  those  plots  ,  pls  ..  let  me  know  ..  let’s  #makeitshine . 

[fistsoflightning]

CHARACTER PROFILE - MUSIC EDITION ♪  | ZAYA QESTIR

For many of us music is a source of inspiration for our characters, so I want to know what songs inspire and/or relate to your muse! Chose between 10-15 songs, compile them into an album and tag some friends to share the beat! 

Songbirds - Ben Thornewill

and i do care / but it hurts too much / and i worry that it’s gonna get too hard / and if i’m not what you need / i promise i’ll play the part

A Safe Place to Land - Sara Bareilles, John Legend

little scared but you’re strong enough / be the light in the dark of this danger / ‘til the sun comes up

Moving Slower - Wavelength

will the future be everything i expect / after everything, will i make a difference

A Big World - Joel Adams

i need a big world / one where the stars still shine

Missing Home - Flora Cash

even though i love the road / i’m missing home somehow

Home - Luke Chiang

lately i’ve been thinking of our memories / all the laughs we shared / and all the tears we cried / hope you know that i’m forever grateful / all the time you shared / staying by my side / thank you for the love

Bones - JC Stewart

and though we are old friends / and drive around the same old bends / we’ve got our whole lives left / so don’t leave your words unsaid

Livewire - Oh Wonder

so hold me when i fall away from the lines / when i’m losing it all, when i’m wasting the light / and hold me when i put my heart in your hands

Come Home - We Are the Guests

i’ll never give this away / oh, come home to me / i’ll sing you to sleep / oh, it is the best part, oh / there’s nothing with wanting / a little bit of freedom / so kick your boots off / and dance like the pine does 

Movement - Hozier

move like grey skies / move like a bird of paradise / move like an odd sight come out at night

Sunlight - Hozier

all the tales the same / told before and told again / a soul that’s born in cold and rain / knows sunlight, sunlight, sunlight

trust issues - Caro

i’ll tell you my secrets / good and bad / i trust in you / i hope that you trust me too

Sunkissed - khai dreams

i wanna be your light / in darkness how you find me just in time / to tell me what i needed to hear

Lucky - Chelsea Cutler, Alexander 23

sometimes, i wish you would’ve stayed in my dreams / ‘cause now that you’re real, now i could lose you

Bend & Break - Anna Clendening

you’ve reached your limit / you’re in it straight up to your head / hiding behind those eyes, they’re telling lies instead

tagged by: @gatheredfates; thank you!

tagging: if you’re reading this and you want to share your wol (or other characters) playlist, go for it! this is me tagging you in spirit.

wanna read more about why each song? under the cut bc i don’t hate mobile that much :P

Songbirds goes into Zaya’s general thoughts about being a Warrior of Light; the worry that they won’t be enough when push comes to shove despite all they’ve done. Moving Slower references Zaya’s fear of change, and in a way, ties in with the first song. I personally see A Safe Place to Land as what Zaya knows they should be; in order, the music goes from “what i want to be” -> “what i know i must do” -> “what i am right now”, referencing a quote from... Sebille, in Divinity Original Sin 2... only in structure (ish) but... yeah. whoops?

ANYWAYS, A Big World and Missing Home are opposites; on one hand, Zaya dreams of exploring and adventure (your average case of wanderlust), but on the other, they miss Reunion dearly (your average case of homesickness). Home is about how much Zaya loves their fellow Warriors and Scions after all they’ve done and lived through together, while Bones is about that same friend group opening up to each other, which I think represents SHB pretty well. Livewire holds the implication that Zaya’s friends are the “lines” holding them up, and I imagine this as the “theme song” for the lvl 79-80 SHB MSQ for... reasons.

Come Home and Movement are both about some of Zaya’s other occupations (bard and dancer respectively) with references to dancing and singing, and get pretty close to the heart of Zaya’s ideals; freedom. Both songs are pretty wild and energetic, too, so added bonus! 

Sunlight, trust issues, Sunkissed, and Lucky. YOU GOT ME. It’s all about Zaya’s relationship with Thancred; Sunlight describes the slow grasp on love and hope that both of them get after a long time (cough cough HW cough) despite knowing the risks. trust issues is something I’ve thought about for a while now; Zaya and Thancred having little secret sharing sessions! Zaya, for all intents and purposes, hates it when people have to lie to them, and Thancred is a very secretive sort of character; this is how I hypothesized their friendship would actually start. Sunkissed (aka the mandatory happy upbeat song) is in here due to a certain piece of fanart (@/morika’s piece captioned ‘this time, you are the light in the dark’) that describes how Thancred saves the WoL in SHB (technically with the other Scions but he got the dramatic climbing the arm scene lol) in comparison to the WoL saving Thancred in ARR. Lucky is about the fear from both sides that their lives as a Warrior of Light or Scion will lead to them losing the other, because who wouldn’t when one faces off primals daily and the other goes into enemy territory for weeks at a time?

Bend & Break, the final song on the list... it’s from Thancred’s point of view about Zaya during the whole of SHB. Zaya refuses to tell the Scions about the Light that is certainly killing them even from just Holminster Switch; the feeling is there from the start. Thancred, who is probably one of the more perceptive characters, can see Zaya slowing down, taking longer to recover, hence “hiding behind those eyes.” He knows, they know; one of them just has to admit that Zaya’s time is running out.

AAAAND THAT’S IT THANK YOU FOR READING MY RAMBLING WAAAAH

[eseult]

hi, lovelies! my name’s sam, i’m 24, i live in the est, and this is my relatively new sideblog for writing/roleplaying, and i’m currently looking for new 1x1 & mumu partners! to be completely honest with you, i prefer mumus (no matter the size) over 1x1s, but also don’t mind 1x1s. plus, i think it’s good to sometimes begin with a 1x1 and then add more characters to the story. so, yes! under the cut, you’ll find more information about what i’m looking for/my guidelines/fcs i love/ideas i have/etc! if you’re interested in roleplaying with me, please dm me or like this post so that i know to contact you! thank you! <3

ABOUT ME

ok, so. the basics: sam, 24, est, they/them. i’m french-canadian, so english isn’t my first language, and though i’ve been somewhat fluent at it for eight or so years, i find roleplaying a useful way to keep it strong. i’m forever changing universities and programs, and am now finally starting to study history, aka my favourite school subject of all time. roleplaying wise, i can either reply at the speed of light, or take a while, but i’ll always keep in touch and keep you up to date. plus, i’ll send headcanons and pics that remind me of our characters QUITE often. also, please don’t be put off by the number of characters in my muses tab; only 6 (maybe 7) of them are active at the moment!

GUIDELINES

you must be over 18! please please please do not like about your age. 

you must be patient. and by that, i don’t mean that you can’t remind me that i owe replies! just please don’t make vague posts about me not replying fast enough egoijerigjeriojgerij. i’ve been through that once because i hadn’t replied to a huge (and i mean HUGE) para within five days, and it was.......... not fun.

you must be kind. that goes without saying, but still. i’m a sensitive soul tm, and i don’t need unnecessary negativity in my life. also, please respect my triggers. which i’ll tell you about after we’ve talked a lil bit. <3

you must have discord or be willing to download it. that’s where it’s easiest for me to communicate, and i’d be willing to do some threads on there if you want, though i prefer doing so on sideblogs/the dash.

NO INCEST/PEDOPHILIA/ABUSE/SEXUAL ABUSE/SLAVERY/ETC PLOTS. i wish i didn’t have to specify that, but alas!

I’D LOVE MUMUS........

inspired by dragon age (i’ve only played inquisition, but i’ve seen people play the first game as well and i can read the wiki so!!!!! high fantasy pls!!!!!)

inspired by that 70s show (doesn’t need to be set in the 70s. basically, i’d love a group of friends stuck in a small town. and we can even play charas outside of the friend group!)

inspired by pjo (i personally wouldn’t play canon characters, because i don’t feel confident enough to do so, but! you’re totally welcome to play canons!)

inspired by the o.c./gossip girl (basically, rich kids and angst. but i’d prefer to play adults as opposed to teenagers.)

inspired by greek mythology (gods and heroes and various characters from greek mythology, but in our world! whether they’re re-incarnations of them or just inspired by them is totally up to us!)

inspired by fairy tales (i’m in a huge fairy tales mood right now, and i’d love a roleplay inspired by them! either in a fantasy world, or in our world à la sisters grimm, ouat, fables, etc.)

inspired by f.r.i.e.n.d.s./how i met your mother (with non-shitty characters and a better overall plot.)

inspired by the grishaverse, by leigh bardugo (just!!!!!! that universe would be so fun to play with and i just!!!! would love to create charas in it. i’m not sure i’d be down to play canon characters, though, because of the pressure)

inspired by the diviners, by libba bray (horror! but light - for most. terrifying for me ergoijeriojgerig. a group of people with abilities, mysteries, murDer!!!!!! shenanigans!!!!!!)

about a post-apocalyptic world (honestly i’m not the most well versed in that but !!!!! i’d be so so so so so eager to try it out and learn more about it!)

about a world where supernatural beings exist (vampires, werewolves, ghosts, witches, demons, wendigos, banshees, etc! we can even do a true blood and make it so that everyone knows they exist :o or we can do twilight-like in which it’s a huge secret. i’m up for both + even more ideas you might have!)

about a small town plagued with a mystery (i’d love for this to be dark but not TOO dark, à la pretty little liars. we can play a variety of characters and it just sounds!!!!!!! like so much fun!!!!!!!) 

about a place where fairy tale characters co-exist (not necessarily ouat or sisters grimm or fables, but can TOTALLY be similar to those because they’re all concept(s) i adore!!!!!! and id love for us to go for less popular fairy tales too bc FUN and just!!!!! i’m on a big fairy tales kick right now so eoigreroigjeroijger)

about a high fantasy world (honestly, this might be a bit similar to the dragon age idea, except we’d build our world off various things and have probably more freedom, but less structure, within it)

i’m sure i’m forgetting things right now, so please be aware of the fact that i am 100% open to more ideas than those listed here!

FACECLAIMS I’D LOVE TO USE 

abigail cowen

adria arjona

aisha dee

alex fitzalan

alisha boe

amanda seyfried

amy adams

ariela barer

aslihan malbora

bae suzy

bahar sahin

bethany joy lenz

blanca padilla

brenton thwaites

brittany o’grady

charles michael davis

cierra ramirez

claudia doumit

courtney eaton

danielle campbell

deborah ann woll

deepika padukone

demet ozdemir

diana silvers

emilija baranac

ester expósito

florence pugh

freya mavor

freya tingley

gemma chan

goo hara

gugu mbatha-raw

haley lu richardson

hande ercel

jessica henwick

jessica sula

joe keery

jordan fisher

justice smith

kiana madeira

kristin kreuk

kristine froseth

kylie bunbury

lalisa manoban

lana condor

laura harrier

lee jong-suk

lee se-young

liana liberato

lily collins

madelaine petsch

maia mitchell

margaret qualley

medalion rahimi

melissa barrera

merritt patterson

michael provost

milena tscharntke

molly gordon

morena baccarin

nathalie kelley

nico tortorella

park sooyoung

paulina singer

pepi sonuga

phoebe tonkin

quintessa swindell

reina hardesty

remy hii

richard harmon

rome flynn

ryan destiny

samantha logan

scarlett byrne

seo kang joon

simay barlas

sydney sweeney

taylor russell

tiera skovbye

tiya sircar

tyler posey

vanessa morgan

vella lovell

victoria justice

virginia gardner

woo dohwan

yaya urassaya

zoey deutch