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speedystarshine · 2 years

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(Because I said so, also for 33 followers because Holy shit I hadn't noticed! Thank you all so much for the support <3)

Matpat Egos with a Winged!Reader

Characters: Matpat, Madpat, Mack (crewmate/engineer/dictator), The Detective, The Hermit, Warfpat

Matpat

The minute he sees you he's all 🤨👀🧐. He's uh... Not really used to seeing entity's or hybrids or other egos, so sometimes he forgets that not everyone is human. Fully human, anyways.

He's really interested in them, though! (Even if you might take it a different way due to his facial expressions 😭) He mainly wants to study them and understand how they work, but outside of him wanting to know everything about them, he thinks they're really cool! And soft, he sometimes picks up stray feathers that have slipped for them. Is also immediately there if you mention needing help preening. I mean, c'mon! A) their soft, B) you like it and C), he likes it! I don't think he really understands that preening is usually done by uh....yk. Not new friends, let's say.

Probably asks if he can fly with you once and then starts crying the second you're both 0.1 centimeter of the ground 🙄

5/10 very helpful, but also very annoying.

Madpat

"That's cool, now if you don't mind I'm on fire and-" IM JOKING IM JOKI- He's not tho

He thinks they look amazing! He likes the markings/colours on them, and asks you about them.

The only thing he's curious about though is, how do you balance with them? They look very heavy they are and are certainly bigger than you.

As long as you're okay though, he doesn't mind!

He's heard about preening before, but has absolutely no idea what it is exactly or how it works. He reminds you about it daily, though.

He also collects the feathers that fall out, but gives them back to you instead of keeping them. Probably keeps one or two to study them, though.

He won't ever tell you this, but he is very intimated and turned on when he sees your wings stretched out at full height. Just sorta 'eeps' and scuttles away.

He's also very careful with his weapons when he's around you, since he knows that if he swings stuff around too much he could hurt you :(

Probably turns on his chainsaw every now and then and then giggles like the bastard he his when you jump

Stops after the first few times though, since sometimes you knock stuff over with your wings, and also, you have wings. He does not. You will and have suddenly flown of with him as revenge. And he knows you'll do it again.

Mack (crewmate)

You'll definitely know the first time he sees them since it'll be silent and then you'll hear a little "oh!"

He's like a little puppy and just follows you around everywhere, and it's very obvious that he has a lot of questions.

He's too nervous to ask you outright though, probably asking Celci to ask you since he knows that if he asked Mark then Mark would tease him and he'd probably die tbh-

You definitely notice that he's following/staring at you, so sometimes if you stretch n yawn you make sure to stretch your wings full height so he can see.

Also picks up feathers bro why do all of them but instead of waiting till your gone like the others, it'll be a mad scramble to get them before they hit the ground. What can I say, he's a little bit of a germaphobe.

He doesn't really know what they fully feel like, but from what he knows they're very soft and silky, you obviously take good care of them.

His favourite pastime is ruffling them so their all fluffy :)

One day when the two of you are alone you feel him staring for the bazillionth time that day, so you eventually cave and tell him he can touch them if he wants too.

Mack is processing-

When he does, he'll be so excited! And nervous. His hands are probably shaking. Eventually though he melts into it, and actually finds it very relaxing both of you. Probably turns into an accidental preening session.

Mack (Engineer)

Instantly notices, how could he not? He absolutely adores him, but acts as if they're a massive nuisance all of the time (We're not stupid, Mack-)

Cleans up your feathers after you, all the time, even though you haven't asked him too.

Sometimes you shed more on purpose because it's funny to hear him mumble stuff like "If I were Captain, I wouldn't leave feathers all over the place!" Yeah yeah sure, we know you have a big fat crush on-

Every single feather he collects, he keeps in a little cabinet in his room. If anyone where to ask he'd get very flustered, but is reasoning is "Well we can't throw them out the Airlock, littering is bad!" Uh huh, sure-

Sometimes if he's walking closely behind you, going on his rants about how he is clearly the better captain, or something else, you smack him in the face with your wings

He's so shocked help 😭- He's trying to process what happened, like yeah it hurt but how come it was so soft? What even- OH

Captain is cackling their ass down the corridor all ready, not waiting for his reaction.

He'd be so flustered for a second but then remembers 'wait I'm supposed to hate them' and just storms off after you, yelling shit like "Captain! Ugh! They are so immature- 👹"

Calls you 'bird brain' as an insult but it eventually becomes a pet name as time passes

Mack (Dictator)

😳

Is immediately in love with them and you the second you step onboard-

When you land, he gives you the final choice to make the 'right' decision and make him Captain.

And you know what? Yeah sure, go ahead.

Captain: *giggles* IM FREE YES FUCK YOU-

Tee hee, no. No you are not.

Anyways, his thoughts about them!

He really does think they're pretty on you, heck, you always look amazing! But... He does need you to rely on him, and knocking you a peg lower than you already were seems to do the trick :( sorry.

He's not a total monster though (🤨) and he knows how uncomfortable it can be for you to have feathers, since he'll sometimes wake up to heaps of them in your shared bed.

He'll also preen them for you, though he constantly tugs on your collar which can make it annoying.

Sometimes if he wakes up before you, he'll pet them gently. Will instantly scream like a girl and shove you out (and most likely off) the bed when he notices you waking up.

He also likes how they unfold and seem to shelter you two from everyone else when you two are, uh...... 😳Holding....hands...?

^He'll also tug on them if he knows it'll get a reaction out of you

Throws out the loose feathers :( What's the point of having feathers when he has the actual bird? Thing?

He loves you (🧐) but will snip them if he feels like/catches you're trying to run away too much.

The Detective

He will trail around with you, but unlike Mack, and unfortunately for you, will asks lots of questions. And I mean a lot of them. Writes down everything you say in his goofy little notebook 😭

Also calls you 'bird brain', but it comes out more teasing and friendly than derogatory.

*sighs* keeps your feathers. Probably has a separate journal with all of them in there, yk how some people do those flower stamp journals?

Claims it's for 'research' or 'evidence' like bestie the only 'evidence' I'm seeing is how much of a simp you are-

Is a lot more touchy than the other egos, probably just immediately holding them and being like 🧐😳🤨 whether or not you're comfortable of people touching them 😭

Preens them for you, but he does ask first though. However, if your wings were really dirty and not taken care of, he'd sit your ass down straight away and start-

Probably puts on gloves when they're dirty because he's a dramatic ass bitch-

Sometimes when he feels really tired and just wants to go home he'll make 'little' hints like "y/n would it be odd if you gave us the answer to this puzzle" or "y/n wouldn't it be so funny if you just flew of with the strongman rn haha" yeah no sorry bestie

Yk how sometimes ppl do the thing where they ruffle someone's hair? Yeah he does that but with your wings because he has a teensy tiny theory that it's practically the same thing. it's not, don't tell him tho

Yeah if you got jumpscared you'd probs accidentally smack him in the face with them since he's always like. The closest person in your general vicinity.

Sometimes if you two cuddle you wrap them around the both of you like a blanket and let him pet it :)

Poor guy just needs to lie down, yk that image of a pathetic looking kitten with milk spilt all over it's face yes that is him 24/7

He loves you tho :)

The Hermit

Oh you'll be wanting to stay away from him 24/7.

It's not that he'll actually hurt you, it's just a general vibe, and the fact he keeps making little comments that imply he wants to roast and eat you.

He doesn't get social cues though, having lived by himself for so long, so he probably doesn't get that it's coming across that way or why you look so scared 😭

He is super affectionate towards you, practically begging to preen you despite probably having no idea how to do it.

You have to show him 😭 you also do his hair! Bro's been living in a cave for god knows how long, you can't tell me he doesn't have random stuff in it.

He won't keep your feathers, although if you were to give him one he'd do something silly like tuck it behind his ear :)

He also keeps one on a necklace, kinda like how he has that mini skull :D

Is overall super affectionate and friendly, despite everything else about him practically screaming "sketchy" and the fact he never seems to want you to leave his cave or side

He doesn't really have a lot of questions about you tbh, instead just pinning it as 'the many beauties of nature'. He does find them fascinating though, and tells you so every so often.

Warfpat

BlackBoxWarrior - Will Wood, 2:46

Bro will probably drag you by the wings into his goofy ass studio >:(

Frames if as an interview but honestly he just wants to know himself-

Asks if he can give a 'live demonstration' of preening even though A) the answer is probably most definitely no B) he doesn't know what he's talking about, he's like a kid playing tag except they don't know the rules so they add random shit to make it looks like they do-

You eventually let him, in private, since he won't leave you alone and every single fucking door you open leads you right back to his studio >:((

He still takes a sneaky little video or picture because of course he did 🙄 istg he's like those girls who my teacher will be like "guys my friend died :(" and then you just hear "A NEVER ENDING STORYYYYY AHHHHHHHHHH STORIEEEEEE" and look back to see two white girls twerking

He loves you though :) he finds that your wings make great blankets/pillows if he's tired!

He swears it's like cat hair though he'll wake up with feathers in his fucking mouth and hair and even his moustache

If he's being too annoying though don't worry you can just swoop him up and fly off with him :)

Which.... Uh doesn't actually work the way you'd want it to because he finds it fun and pretends to fake swoon because he's a bastard

I'm sorry I don't know his character that well 😭

Tee hee finally finished *collapses*/j I guess this is technically a 30 follower special, hope y'all enjoy!

Taglist:

@112-writes

@shuble

@orangussy

#yandere matpat x reader #hybrid reader #bird reader #winged reader #matpat egos #matpat egos x reader #madpat x reader #mack x reader #crewmate mack #engineer mack #dictator mack #the detective x reader #the hermit x reader #warfpat x reader #iswm mack #escape the night #ahwm

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beyondd-dazedd · 3 years

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I LITERALLY COULDNT NOT DO THIS POST NOW!! so hsmtmts stans, portwell nation, literally everyone who wants to read me practically screaming for 10 paragraphs here is the hsmtmts season 2 finale EPISODE👏 REVIEW👏

starting off strong with redlyn. my beauties. my loves. my sunshines. i LOVED that the whole cast knew about red’s plan. just carlos, ricky and ej being like ah yes locker letters😉😉 and everyone being all smiley and knowing SO CUTE!! i hated seeing ash sad but GOD RED SPENDING THE WHOLE NIGHT MAKING THIS THING TO SHOW ASHLYN HOW MUCH HE APPRECIATES HER?? GOD TIER. also the crew just wATCHING FROM THE DOOR WHILE REDLYN IS IN THEIR OWN WORLD?? MY HEART they’re just such a genuine couple. i love their sweet awkward moments. i also love that lights is their reoccurring thing. it just makes me so happy. y’all just KNOW red calls ashlyn his sunshine and i don’t take criticisms on that. i also really wanted an i love you confession there but they’re so cute that i will allow it to wait

HOWIE AND KOURTNEY!!! at first (bc ep. 11) i was like HOWIE NO YOU CANT HAVE DONE ALL OF THIS STUFF TO HELP EAST AND THEN STAB THEM AND KOURTNEY IN THE BACK but the fact that he was literally just in awe of kourtney and so nervous to be around her because he thinks she’s so talented mADE MY HEART RACE truly incredible. also loved kourt standing up for herself. we LOVE and STAN a straight forward QUEEN also their dorky arm in arm walk was so adorable. also drum rolls being their thing. also honorable mention to kourt’s (dara’s) mom WE STAN

ej helping mr. mazzarra get that job?? I LOVE THEIR RELATIONSHIP SO MUCH.

PORTWELL ANGST SCENE I CRY. ALSO DID I CALL THAT SCENE OR DID I CALL THAT SCENE?? if you read the fic i posted like 7 hours ago you’ll know what i’m talking about. anyways back to the show. gina joking around and then realizing that ej means not rescheduling ever and her just pretending like she’s fine with it?? OUCH OUCH OUCH i would’ve rather her immediately been heart broken. DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON EJ’S FACE AFTER SHE WALKS AWAY. matt absolutely killed that part. you can tell he waited just long enough for her to walk away when he lets his face fall and IT HURTS YOU CAN LITERALLY SEE HIM WANTING TO STAY CRYING BEFORE HE TURNS AWAY

rini moment. not the dressing room parallel. it was PAINFUL. the juxtaposition between the scene in the s1 finale and this scene?? OUCH. ricky saying if we’re literally on the same page (something they struggled with throughout the entire season) and nini saying just for a moment. i just wanna talk to the writers I JUST WANNA TALK BECAUSE THAT WAS RUDE.

seblos being cuties and ms. jenn on some fuck shit. she was having a MOMENT. like chill it’s high school theater it’s alright sis.

GINA LOOKING IN THE MIRROR AND SOBBING I HATED IT. I HATED IT.

gini moment?? i loved it. also nini’s right. portwell is so powerful for so many reasons. period sis. and she’s right WE ARE LUCKY TO KNOW GINA. i loved their moment of solidarity and friendship. imma be honest for like 0.1 seconds i thought if portwell doesn’t work out gini might be the move bUT DONT WORRY IM A PORTWELL WARRIOR FOREVER also y’all called gina talking to nini about jamie and her music. YALL CALLED THAT SHIT

i liked ms. jenn and ricky’s moment. i loved josh’s acting in this scene because it’s just so well done. like doesn’t seem like he’s acting at all and it translates so well in this scene. it was very heartfelt and such a mature moment for ricky. so reflective. i love ricky

second chances GAVE ME CHILLS the whole staging, the vocals, the core four. CHILLS. the acting from all of them for this song WAS INCREDIBLE. it was so simple but really made the scene. i’m also a sucker for songs structured like this. with like the rounds and the switching lyrics over top of each other. LOVE.

ok literally all of them booing when lily and antoine showed up sENT ME because me too THE FUCK. antoine saying “big red. you were also in it” mADE ME SNORT. ricky literally shooing them out made me laugh and lily’s whirling turn and ricky like startling back a bit made me laugh. i hate lily but her confession was literally me. like i like his big brown eyes and his big brown hair too you ain’t special bitch. antoine’s thumbs up was SO FUNNY. andrew was hilarious in this role.

also i didn’t love that they were like well fuck the menkies after that was a major plot point of the season but like also i get it. just being like MEH the stress isn’t worth it. EJ’S SPEECH HES LITERALLY VOICE BREAK JUST THE FUCKING GROWTH THAT HES HAD I LOVE HIM

jennzzarra flirting in front of the kids?? kinda cute ngl. also am i muted? SENT ME. also love that howie is just chilling there while they’re talking about dropping out. KOURT SAID LETS BURN THOSE RESULTS

benjamin being BOLD BOLD good for him

big star nini?? good for her!

ashlyn being like YIKES i’m sorry i didn’t realize you thought of ej that way and her being like hahah ok... wait WHAT? but i KNEW ash was going to progress that along somehow. like obvs ej and gina were sulking and ashlyn HAD to be the one to step in. she do be the #1 portwell warrior. thank you for your service ma’am

i will only allow ricky and lily to be a thing IF it’s a summer fling, if it means antoine gets to stay around and if it pushes rini back together and if none of that happens then wtf is even the point of pairing those two up. but we already know ricky is a sucker for misunderstood competitive women (minus nini)

GINA CHASING AFTER EJ!!! HIS FACE OF JUST OH GOD PLEASE LET ME BE HEARTBROKEN!! YOU GOT BAD INTEL!! THE CAN I... CAN YOU WHAT? CAN I KISS YOU with her little giddy laugh and her smile GIRL YOURE GLOWING and then ej’s swallow as he turns to fully look at her. WILL YOU BE MY FIRST KISS!!!! HIM JUST SLOWLY SMILING FROM EAR TO EAR AND DROPPING HIS BAG TO WALK TO HER AND THEN THEM RUNNING WHEN THEY GET CLOSER AND GINA’S LITTLE GIGGLING I CANNOT EVEN

i am so so SO HERE FOR SUMMER FLUFFY IN LOVE PORTWELL

overall am i a little sad it was so short? yes. do i understand the insane restrictions they were working under? yes. am i confident about a season 3? absolutely. i am HERE for a summer season.

anyways PORTWELL IS CANNON!!

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts spoilers #portwell #redlyn #seblos #rini #kourtney x howie #ej caswell #gina porter #big red #ashlyn caswell #carlos rodriguez #seb matthew smith #ricky bowen #nini salazar roberts #kourtney greene #brenn’s hsmtmts shitposting

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bae-leth · 5 years

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yis LET’S GET THIS YEAST

Pining:

These two are the definition of ‘dancing around each other.’

Lingering touches? Longing looks when they think the other isn't looking? Denial of possessing any sort of emotion towards the other when they're asked by a friend?

They've got it all, and it makes everyone want to lie facedown on the ground and sleep for a very long time.

(The other Lions are so tired of this tomfoolery.)

Dimitri waxes poetic about Felix in his head. However, he’s too afraid to tell him outright.

What if Felix doesn’t think of him like that? Or what if he thinks of him as just a boar, really, and nothing much else? As just a friend?

It keeps Dimitri up at night. Sometimes he just agonises over feeling things in his bed, whilst fiddling his thumbs.

Felix, however, actually has accepted his feelings. Once he thinks about going anywhere else in his relationship with Dimitri, though, he basically just blacks out until he can find a sparring room to go ham in.

When Dimitri gets promoted and gets his Lord outfit, Felix actually, genuinely, goes missing.

They find him the next day, staring into space, not uttering a word.

(It’s the thigh highs.)

Dimitri’s bewildered for the entire day. For ages, he believes that the outfit was that ugly in Felix’s eyes, or something. Or maybe he just didn’t suit it…?

“Is it really that bad…? Would he not have told me?”

Sylvain’s standing there, going: “dude. Bro. Bro ily but you’re being an idiot.”

Dima: “What do you mean :(“

Felix’s eyes? Dimitri wants to cry. They are so beautiful. Like fiery dawns!

Sometimes, he just gazes into his eyes, and Felix has to wave a hand in front of him, asking him what the hell he’s doing.

Felix hasn’t told anyone about his lil crush (although the others know LMAO.) Dimitri has asked Mercedes for advice, as she’s the most comforting. (team mother,,,)

He’s also asked Dedue, who offers him flowers to give. Dimitri doesn’t do it, though. He hasn’t worked up the nerve yet.

Sylvain and Ingrid try to talk to them separately, but they don’t budge.

It gets to the point where all the Blue Lions try to get involved. They divvy up the roles: Mercedes, Ingrid and Dedue tackle Dimitri, and Ashe, Sylvain and Annette tackle Felix.

Ingrid forcibly sits Dimitri down for some Tea Time, where she gives him some very helpful pointers.

Pointedly.

Exasperatedly.

When he eventually tells her that "He won't ever see me that way :(", she waits for maybe 0.1 seconds before hitting his head with a saucer.

Annette starts leaving little notes for Felix to find.

"You should tell him!" - hidden under his pillow.

"He likes you too!" - on top of his folded clothes.

"PLEASE TELL HIM." - drops out of his sheath when he takes out his sword.

Sylvain’s notes are just varying degrees of “AHAHAHA COWARD LMAO” stuck inside Felix’s shoes, which only makes him pissed.

It takes ages, absolutely ages, before they get together, and there is way too much pining beforehand.

When they’re together:

“FINALLY,” screams the entire monastery. The teachers all breathe sighs of relief. One more lesson with the Longing Looks When They Think The Other Isn’t Looking would’ve made them quit.

Overall, they’re still the same around each other. Felix still calls him a boar, they still have their competitions and try to one up each other, they still mess about whenever they’re next to each other...

So it’s a very natural transition into ‘something more’, if you will.

They know what each other is thinking most of the time, since they’re very attuned to one another.

Dimitri’s looking for something? Felix just turns up with it in hand, and passes it over.

Felix is in a weird mood and he doesn't know why? Dimitri's On It faster than ye could blink.

Quick pecks between lessons. (Felix likes a smidgen of PDA once they get more comfortable in a relationship, while Dimitri usually just leaves it to handholds and cheek kisses in public, so they compromise.)

Dimitri really loves exploiting their height difference. It means more forehead and temple kisses for him! Felix pretends to hate it (he really doesn’t, but he won’t ever say it because he’s still kinda salty about being a smol.)

(Imagine the timeskip when Dimitri becomes huuuuuuge LMAO)

Felix is the big spoon (until the timeskip, maybe. I can see Dimitri latching on to things at night far more quickly then, so Felix just gets stuck.)

They tried going on a conventional date once, but it quickly became a competition on who could shovel the most food in their mouth in the quickest amount of time beef bowl challenge, anyone? So now they just settle on sparring, and whatever mundane stuff they can get their hands on at the monastery.

They do like stargazing, though. Mostly it’s just Dimitri blabbing on about constellations and Felix nodding absently before he dozes off.

Dimitri does not like how ready Felix is to die for him (even though he never says as such.)

He detests it. It’s worse when all his friends want to, but Felix? With his stubbornness? And the lone-wolf nature? Dimitri knows that he wouldn’t do it for just anyone, and he doesn’t like that he’s the one Felix throws his pride away for.

Nevertheless, Felix doesn’t budge on this, so Dimitri reluctantly lets him.

(This probably backfires during the timeskip.)

All in all, they’re very much your stupid best friend duo still, until you look a little closer.

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a-collection-of-villainous-aus · 5 years

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Coffee Shop Au

(THIS IS PART TWO BUT I ENDED UP MAKING IT LONGER THAN EXPECTED SO I AM GOING TO PROBABLY HAVE EITHER ANOTHER PART OR TWO OF PART TWO....suffers with fear of boring you)

Ah look so we're back here again, boy merman Flug is really secretly digging on Hat and just being stubborn but with good cause, Blind Au Flug argued with Hat and told him a few truths...ouch...

But now we are back at the coffee shop, a quiet Victorian styled place in modern day, the cafe has brought in a few more customers with the lunch time rush, but someone has been there since the early hours of the morning.

Oh ho we all know Hat is not the waiting in line type, Hat wait in line how bloody absurd...until Acylius stood in front of him, brow raised, arms folded across his chest.

Imagine a slow camera pan up considering this man is six ft seven without his hologuise on to make himself appear as cannon Flug does and Hot chocolate's I believe in miracles plays somewhere as Black Hat just thinks Mmmm damn.

"I will have the barista with a topping of cream...wait..."

Blinking as he came back to reality, the demon peeked around Acylius to see other customers giggling and some were awkwardly blushing.

"I said that aloud?"

"Yes you did."

Now imagine like in an anime where they're like stick people and there's this big blue and black cloud above them, Hat returns to his seat and Demencia slides in beside Flug

"¬w¬ so it is safe to say he thirsty for you."

"Demencia not now, I am still trying to figure out how to tell him I do not feel comfortable serving him a thirty fifth coffee in good conscience."

Acylius sighed before stifling a laugh with his friend who couldn't help but smile, ha yes in good conscience...there was literally a man tied up under the cafe.

A customer had been about to complain but as soon as Black Hat glared at them with a death threat silent motion of a claw across the neck they scurried back to their position in line.

Black hat being a man of business understood Acylius needed to work, didn't mean he couldn't bloody well pout about it, he looked over his paper every now and then, finding people looking away immediately but they didn't bother him, he was going to have to wait to find out if this truly was the man he lost...honestly there was no mistaking him but fate was not known to be kind.

Blocking out the sound of chatter the demon's focus was on him, Flug gracefully coughs more like tripping stumbling as he was nervous about Black Hat's presence every order, mask up such a shame, these shallow fools though of course would stare in horror or run at the sight of those beautiful scars.

Demencia was the one who next approached him, odd if he remembered rightly he had insisted Acylius be the only one to serve him, for Flug's sake he would allow this.

"Come to take my order finally?"

she paused looking off to the side awkwardly as her fingers drummed on the tray

"Actually nuuu he wants to cut you off, apparently something about too much caffeine."

"Excuse me but did I hear you correctly, he wants to cut me, thee great Black Hat off from coffee?"

Growling and standing up so suddenly his chair nearly fell back, remember this is like a high back solid oak chair , that we ourselves could not just make wobble like some cheap cafeteria stool made out of thin plastic and four metal legs.

The glare he sent him lasted 0.1 seconds as he saw the way his eyes crinkled above the mask in a smile as he wished the customer a good day, huffing Black Hat slumped back down into the chair , pulling the blanket back over himself and grumbled

"Fine...dark hot chocolate...after that just tell him to work his way through the menu."

"Ohhh you really like him don't you."

"Quiet you already know I do, you literally tried to arrange a courtship for us this morning."

He started playing with the sugar cubes in the small dish, trying to keep his gaze from the barista working through his orders.

"Did he say yes yet?

She returned, hand on hip grinning

"I bet you two got all kinds of plans lined up!"

"Actually he has only been formal; yes Jefecito, no Jefecito...disappointing really."

Hat pouted eating a sugar cube like it was a piece of candy and regretted his choices but swallowed anyway.

"What the hell man, he banters and makes dirty jokes with me all the time right now he's being a...wait a minute..."

Demencia whistled to get Flugs attention; the moment he looked in their direction and saw Black Hats little wave at him his ears went pink.

"I will be right with you!"

"Oh my god you've made him shy, you made Acylius Flug shy, the man who can charm his way out of a snake pit you've turned into a blushing virgin."

Demencia laughed, hand to her mouth, gods that was adorable.

That had our favorite villain’s attention, sitting to attention and leering, while devil horns were not visible they were easy to imagine.

This was starting to sound more and more like his beloved he'd lost...but so many people where flustered around him, babbling idiots trying to gain favor, though honestly it seemed like Acylius was just trying to make it through the day.

Hot coffee and other beverages were highly sought after in this cold weather, glancing out at the window, while it had stopped snowing it certainly wasn't shifting.

“Oh really, that is quite the revelation considering he was quick to tell me to wait in line.”

“Yeah, well no cutsies, not even for you big guy.”

She laughed waving off the minor complaint, writing down his order, relieved that Flug would not have to return to him and tell him himself that coffee was off the menu for the Lord of Darkness, though….heh …looking over her shoulder then back at Black Hat.

“You know how to make coffee?”

“Of course I do…what, am I to believe you would have me make my own-“

Demencia stopped him from his near full on rant with a harsh shhhh

“Stop getting your evil ass in a panic, you want to kiss him?”

The old demon had been ready to snap, this was either the worst or most peculiar service he’d ever had but his attention quickly snapped into focus at the mere mention of getting to kiss the barista, he was on his feet and in her face so quickly not even Barry Allen could have kept up with him.

“What do I have to do?”

She blinked, well if that demonic voice didn’t cry desperate she didn’t know what did.

“Offer to help, he did put out an ad but no one’s answered it yet and-“

Before Demencia even managed to finish there was a cartoon dust cloud of the old demon as he was in the kitchen finding an apron and pulling it on walking out soon afterwards, sleeves rolled up, he marched on over to a very surprised Acylius and pulled him away from the counter back into the kitchen.

Some of the customers looked confused while others just allowed this as if nothing was happening, one after all did not argue with the Great Lord Black Hat, nope, nuh uh, no way no how…but one or two did smile, was that spice in the air, the tyrant of Hatsville some had noticed was pretty demanding of this Barista’s attention.

“You need to stop doing that!”

Acylius told him in a flustered whisper as if anyone could just hear them, looking back to the door way, they were actually out of sight to everyone else.

“My customers will start rumors that you and I are together and you just-just gave me this place on a whim.”

Black Hat’s eyebrows rose half way up his hat which Acylius would have found unsettling if he’d been human, ohhh dear, he’d probably upset him with his wild imagination.

“Having little fantasies while you work doctorrr?”

Damn him, damn him and his accent and his teeth and, AND everything *insert frustrated noise*

He already knew his face had gone pink….AGAIN!

Acylius pinched the bridge of his nose

“No I-“

“You liked that hmm?”

It wasn’t so much a question as it was a statement he’d seen the reaction to the purr of his voice ( cause honestly who here doesn’t just die why he says doctorrr XD) his smile grew as the man before him started backing up, look at him, he was so tall.

pt1 of part TWO

#Coffee au #paperhat #villainous au

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shooter-nobunagun · 6 years

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[There is a point, a singularity where it all begins and then the path splits into innumerable different roads...]

[What happens in ‘to the beginning’, it all starts here. But as for which path will be the ultimate outcome...you will have to decide for yourself.]

“Jack-san! Hurry, your son’s just been born!” The nurse on duty rushed out of the sliding doors as he strode into the hall, sliding the final locks of his gear in place.

Good. He’d made it just in time.

“Came in at 7.4 pounds, only half an hour of labor and with a full head of hair already! It’s blonde right now, but it’ll probably darken later on,” the head nurse chatted away cheerfully, but he barely heard her comments; they were irrelevant after all, when he could just see the child for himself.

“—Aah, and our new father has arrived! Gud timing, tha’s fer sure. Congratulations, Adam.” A hearty clap from the Scottish man who’d been there to assist, only just returned with the slightest of nods because there was only one—no, two people now were the only things that mattered—

“Oh, look who’s here...” She was as exhausted as he’d ever seen her, but her face couldn’t be more proud. His beautiful wife Sio Ogura, codename “Nobunagun”, lay there with her hair spread in a messy halo, the crying newborn cradled softly against her chest. “Look, it’s tou-san...” Gently she lifted the baby towards him, who started fussing and squirming and wondering who this stranger was carrying him away.

“I...hello there...” He could hardly breathe, unsure of anything or what to even say—but the swell of pride in his chest and the beginnings of that deep, inexplicable bond of parental love—that was something he could understand, and embrace. This was his child—their child; all theirs, something special made just by the two of them. “Aren’t you something else...”

“He’s beautiful, isn’t he? His eyes are just like yours, you know.” A tired but proud voice from her as he softly stroked his son’s fine hair and peered at those emeralds that, one day, would look the same as his. “I can’t believe he’s here…”

“I can hardly believe it myself,” he murmured, blinking rapidly because his eyes were getting moist. “Sio…you did great, love…”

She sighed contentedly as he returned the baby to its mother, who proceeded to squirm and root around for her nipple. “Oh! I guess he’s hungry already...” Smiling, she shed the top half of her robe and the infant latched on, suckling noisily.

“He’s a smart one, tha’s fer sure. Oy Adam, surely ye can stay a wee bit longer? Don’t hear Geronimo paging fer ye over the system yet...”

“I…” He was supposed to shake his head no, and gently but firmly inform everyone, his wife included, that he had to leave soon; Geronimo was already waiting at the drop pod’s entrance, and this mission could not be delayed any further. And yet he just stood there, nodding wordlessly for a second, before leaning down and giving his newborn son the smallest of kisses on his tiny head, before sweeping Sio up into a full, warm kiss. “I love you…both of you…” Warmth, pride and most of all an overwhelming feeling of love; love and affection towards his wife, the protective love of a father towards his child, and the love and gratitude from his friends and family who were there to help support them through all this.

“I love you too, Adam…I know it’s cheesy, but I can’t remember being happier…he’s so perfect…” She lay buried against his chest, both of them watching their baby peacefully as he nursed.

In this moment, it was hard for Adam to comprehend they were still fighting. That in fact, outside of this sheltered little haven, the world was not at peace; indeed, the war that led them to meet in the first place was still raging, more terrible than ever. It had only been the longest of odds that allowed him to be present for the birth of his son, rather than swept onto the battlefield as they’d originally planned. Even as Hunter strode over to open the window for a touch of fresh air, the icy hail greeting them was indicative of the harsh reality of their fortress’s chosen path.

The Alex Logan, their home-away-from-home for many years now, battling through a fierce snowstorm as it crossed over the Arctic circle along its route. Still, despite the harsh weather it was one of the few places left that afforded them some measure of safety, even in the air. The Alaskan wilderness had reported disturbing activity through the frozen ground itself—and as much as Geronimo despised the cold, she and Jack were the only ones who had enough strength and the right weapons to hack through a battlefield of ice.

“Mmmnn…Adam, you really have to go?” Hazy maroons glanced upwards, but he kissed them shut. “I know…Geronimo’s probably blowing a gasket right about now…”

“Heh; let me handle her, love. I’ll be fine.” As he reluctantly got up from the warmth of their embrace, the reality of his mission came flooding back in the form of adrenaline. Despite Geronimo’s seniority, he was the field commander for this mission, with the leader of the First Platoon as his second. Years of competitive rivalry had somewhat mellowed out into a utilitarian, if not friendly, professional relationship. Still, Adam knew he’d never hear the end of it if he was late—and Geronimo was always punctual.

“Say good-bye to tou-san for now, okay? Don’t worry, he’ll be back…won’t he?” Those maroon orbs cast an enigmatic shadow over her face; worried, but trying her best to remain hopeful, to remain calm and let him focus on the battle at hand without worrying about them.

“Of course, Sio. You know I’ll be fine; especially with Geronimo, we can handle whatever’s down there.” It felt at that moment he was invincible, even though Galileo had warned him there was a very real chance whatever was causing the signals was entirely unknown, and more than likely extremely dangerous. But in the warmth of his new family it was hard to see beyond that sphere, of the real world that lay outside this steel fortress.

“Be careful out there, mate. I mean it.” As he secured the final parts of his suit, Hunter came up to him looking as serious as he’d ever appeared. “This ain’t just some gung-ho, kill count free-for-all anymore—ye’ve got more than jus’ one t’ live fer, now.”

Click. The steel in his emeralds sent a shiver down even Hunter’s spine. “Don’t worry, Hunter. I know...believe me, I know it now, more than ever...”

And still he felt no fear; Nightingale chastised him for being overconfident and warned him hubris was just as deadly was cowardice, but he ignored her. There was no way...no way he’d let his child grow up without a father, without parents. Even if this war would consume the rest of their lives, he and Sio had agreed to do everything they could to raise a family, as best they could.

He was supposed to go, but only one step forward before he turned heel and, not even caring the room was full of hospital staff and Hunter, swept Sio into a full, passionate kiss; a little deeper and hungrier than would be proper for public eyes, but nothing could shake him right now. “I promise, I’ll be back just fine,” he whispered, before kissing her eyelids, one at a time, and then one final brush on his son’s forehead. “Wait for me, loves.”

“Adam...be careful...and come back to us. We’ll be waiting...” A single tear slid down but he wiped that up before it even fell. “Please...”

“Of course. I promise.” And then he proceeded to climb out the window, much to everybody’s surprise.

“Uh, Adam? Drop pod’s down the hall, unless there’s some new procedure I’m not aware of...”

“Oh, I know.” Shrugging nonchalantly, he spread those enormous razor-tinged wings, yet white feathers still fell to the ground like snow. “But I figured, this way Geronimo won’t be chewing my ear off about how I’m late.”

With a final salute, he casually fell out backwards, before spreading his wings and meeting up with the drop pod just as it was about to begin the launch sequence.

“About damn time! I was starting to think I’d have to handle this frozen mess on my own, Jack.” There was an irritated glare as the short-haired woman snapped her pocket watch shut, slipping it back inside her suit. “I know your wife just gave birth, and congrats and all, but did you really have to cut it so close?!”

Adam could only shrug helplessly, that grin still lingering on his face. “Sorry Geronimo, but I did make it before the launch, as I said I would...”

“Pfft yeah, 10 seconds is a real margin.”

“Better than 0.1 second.”

“Whatever. Just strap in, Alaska’s not gonna save itself...that frozen piece of shit...” Still, he knew she wasn’t really mad at him. A birth from one of their own had been the talk of the entire organization ever since Sio became pregnant nine months ago, and now with his son’s arrival at last, he was sure there was bound to be some sort of celebration—which he would miss, but that wasn’t the important part.

“So, do we know anything else about this ‘mysterious’ Object?”

“Jack the Ripper, Geronimo, launch sequence will begin in T minus 10, 9, 8...”

“Nope. Don’t have a damn clue still. But hey, when has that ever stopped you...”

“Isn’t that my line?”

“—4, 3, 2—”

“Look Jack,” and she turned to look at him square in the eye, “just don’t go and do something stupid that’ll require me to haul your ass back, or worse, your corpse. And I’m not just saying this because Nobunagun’ll turn me into Swiss cheese if that happens—you’re a father now. You’re responsible for more than just your own life. So don’t fuck it up, got it?”

He grinned, that smile crossing from excitement into bloodlust as the pod began its acceleration. “Geronimo, mate...I don’t think you’ll have anything to worry about...except how many of those creatures you can slay today.”

“Oh, I think that would be your problem, Jack.”

"...So, first to 100? Loser buys the winner a round?”

She licked her lips and both of them stared at each other with rather psychotic grins. “Sure, Jackie-boy. Just remember, this was your idea.”

“Of course, of course...”

Some things never changed; the rivalry between him and Geronimo, that would probably go down until the end of time. But other things, like his new family...

‘Sio, I promise I’ll be back, safe and sound. This is only the beginning, after all...of the next chapter in our lives.’

Nothing would happen to them; he would make sure of that. No matter what came at them, or what foreboding visions Nightingale might have hinted at, he didn’t believe them—couldn’t believe them. For he was Adam Muirhead, the reincarnation of one Jack the Ripper and Florence Nightingale, and she was Sio Ogura, the reborn soul of the infamous warlord Oda Nobunaga. And nothing could stand in their way when they were together, not even fate.

Ah...but you know, even my powers cannot predict the future...so let it be said, that no matter what may come your way, you must be the ones to hold onto that hope...for at each starting point, there will forever be an innumerable number of paths that you might take...

#documentation #to the beginning #//SO #//i wasn't entirely truthful #//this is posted after the epilogue #//but on purpose #//i actually wrote it out long before the story finished #//call it stylistic choice

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indieks · 7 years

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One-Life Stand 💫 Jungkook [1 - END]

🛏 Pairing : Jeon Jungkook x Reader

🛏 Genre : Fluff, Angst

🛏 Warnings : Great (or not...) return of suggestive 😏

🛏 Word count : 5.6k

🛏 Synopsis : Getting attracted to your long-time best friend, is something classical. Having a one-night stand with him though, is something alarming. While you get scared of your feelings and try to forget about it with the sake of your friendship as an excuse, Jeon Jungkook finally opens his eyes on his own and gets determined to turn this one-night thing into a real relationship.

0.1 || 0.2 || 0.3 || 0.4 || 0.5 || 0.6 || 0.7 || 0.8 || 0.9 || 1 [END]

🛏 A/N : Wow, it’s actually 3 a.m. here in France but I still made it! This is the last part already… As an actual emotional girl I’m thanking you from the bottom of my melting chamallow heart, thank you for following me on these short series, my first including that much texts. I didn’t expect much but you gave it to me!

I hope this conclusion satisfies you, I struggled as always but I’m sooo happy that I’ve written successfully for Jungkook! Thank you thank you thank you really ♥♥♥♥♥

Step 5 – Follow your fucking heart… ✔

The girls' coin wash was located in the basement of your dorm's building along with sports halls, and Jungkook sighed as he read your last text, defeated by the fact that you had gone down there to isolate yourself. But well, he knew you hated crying in front of others so you surely hadn't been willing to return to your room immediately after your argument ; he should have thought of it before.

He took quick strides into your dorm's hall until he reached the door leading underground and to your hideout. All the lights were turned off, as everything had closed one hour ago – who would exercise on a Saturday night anyway? Usually, the coin wash was always opened ; but when Jungkook reached its doorknob and tried to push it, he failed to open it. He closed his eyes and focused on the only muffled sound he could perceive, and when he recognized your sobs that you were probably trying to cover up with a hand on your mouth, your best friend sighed and placed a hand on the door.

He tried to look through the blurry glass incrusted into the panel, but even the moon's rays coming through the upper windows of the room couldn't beat the darkness surrounding the both of you.

"Y/N, c'mon, open it" he said quietly at first, trying to calm his nerves down even if his gauge of patience was almost emptied up.

How did she even close it?

Silence. The second you heard his voice resound into the hallway behind the door, you cried even more and didn't retain yourself this time. You were crying like a little girl would do over a nightmare or a broken doll, but you couldn't act like you were fine anymore. Your body had been aching so much that you had sat down at the very back of the room, hidden behind one of the washing machines that was doing its job for a student.

"Y/N seriously I don't want to talk to a fucking wall" Jungkook's tone got firmer even though his face was breaking into sadness to hear you cry, his own tears threatening to come out.

Why would you cry? Stop it Jeon!

"And I don't want to talk to you" your weak voice finally manifested itself and Jungkook sighed for the umpteenth time tonight.

He leaned further against the door, his forearm now resting on it and where he placed his forehead, closing his eyes once more with his brows furrowing. You clearly knew how to frustrate him, didn't you?

"Can you at least come closer? So that I'm sure you're listening to me?"

You straightened yourself, surprised by his sudden request, and after having wiped your drenched face you stood up before walking slowly to the entrance, and you sat on a washing machine right next to the door. Jungkook caught a glimpse of your silhouette and his heart suddenly squeezed in his chest while his hands burned, the desire to touch you and hold you in his arms clearly undermining his whole body.

"I'm… Here" you muttered between two sobs.

"Why are you crying so much Y/N, huh? C'mon…" his mellow voice pierced through the door and it made you cry even more.

You couldn't stop ; it was probably the overflow of emotions that were glad they could finally get out of the prison of your restrictions.

"Won't you open the door…?" he pleaded one last time and you shook your head even if he couldn't see you.

"No. I can't look at you right now. I can't…"

Jungkook was still standing in his awkward yet comfortable position, and as his eyes were looking at the ground, he finally stopped thinking too much or planning every one of his actions and words. He entered step 5 that wasn't a step actually : follow what your heart tells you to do, not your disabled brain.

"Why won't you give it a try, Y/N? Why won't you trust me this time? Do you think I'd ever hurt you? Had I known before you were hurting because of your feelings for me I-"

"You would've done anything, I know. But you know the only solution would've been to take your distances from me. And I wouldn't have stood that. I wouldn't have forgiven myself" you cut him, wiping the tears that never ceased to roll down your cheeks and wet your thighs. "I didn't want you to know, because I didn't want you to feel guilty, as you are right now. Oh god everything's my fault I…"

Jungkook's fist suddenly knocked hard against the door and you hopped in shock, looking at the frame separating the both of you from the corner of your eye.

"I'm not feeling guilty Y/N, I'm fucking desperate! Do you hear us right now? Do you truly believe everything is going to be like before and we can deal with it?" his voice started trembling as well as his clenched hand on the panel.

"Yes we can Jungkook, I believe in our friendship more than anything else, more than what you think you feel for me" you answered, but it burned your throat and tongue as your melt down brain was starting to feel like your convictions could be wrong.

And unexpectedly, you heard a quiet sob coming from the other side. You jumped off the washing machine and faced the door with your eyes wide open and your breath taken, and you did your best not to make any noise even when the thought of your best friend crying was killing you with a lot more pain than what you could afford.

Jungkook indeed had broken into a few tears, but out of anger and frustration. You were right here, behind this door he was a few seconds away from smashing ; he loved you, you loved him, yet you weren't accepting him, you refused to let him love you, you were pushing him away towards an edge where a loveless hell he wouldn't come back from was waiting for him if he ever fell. He hadn't expected to get that carried away by his own emotions, but he was and the tears were showing how hard it was for him to stay calm any longer.

"Even when I know you love me and you know I love you?" he suddenly spoke up in an annoyed tone, and it was as if your heart had received a shock and came back to life.

He loved you?

"W-What?" you mumbled, but loud enough for him to hear.

"Yes, I love you! You didn't think I can scream earlier right?! Then hear for yourself! I LOVE YOU Y/N! I DON'T LIKE YOU BUT I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I SWEAR I love you…"

Jungkook went through a rollercoaster of emotions, making him shout and smash the door at every word at first, then feel weak less than a second after. He finally backed from the door but you still could hear his loud breathing. The few waterworks on his face had already dried, leaving place to reddening cheeks and a fierce gaze that would have exterminated the structure separating him from you had his eyes truly been some massive guns.

"I'm going to break this fucking door. I'm breaking this door right now. I'm so tired of your fucking bullshit. I'm tired. I'm tired. I want you right now, I want you, fuck, why won't you give me a chance? Just a chance? Do I have to plead? When we both love each other should I have to plead?" he was chuckling like a fool once again and even from your hideout it gave you the chills just by his voice.

Silence. The tormented guy exhaled loudly while brushing vigorously his face, and he took a few steps backwards. As soon as you caught that, distinguishing a moving form behind the glass, a wave of panic crashed against your brain and your body started to shiver.

"I'm coming Y/N I swear if you don't open this door right now I'm-"

Click.

The sound of the door unlocking covered any other possible sound, even the ones of your pounding hearts, and you opened it widely. Your eyes met, your two frames enlightened by the moon's dim light, and your heartbeat stopped its marathon the second you faced the man you loved. He looked so beautiful, even more with that angry expression on his face, which soon turned into something so manly and lustful, his eyes shining from the few tears that still prickled at their corner. And when he blinked, two neat pearls of water rolled down his cheeks but he was quick to wipe them off with his sleeve, not losing eye-contact doing so.

The tension was so thick that it strangled you so that you couldn't be the first one to say or do anything. But no words were needed at this point ; his jerky breathing and your non-stopping sobs could tell everything you were thinking right now. You saw him clench his fists another time and he shook his head from the left to the right, obviously disapproving the tears flowing on your cheeks and your baby-like weeping.

"You're so frustrating seriously… I told you to stop crying. You're ugly when you cry. And a Golden boy can't date someone ugly."

You didn't have the time to compose and shake yourself out of your trance, nor register his words and understand what was going on, as Jungkook was suddenly storming to you and before you even knew it, his soft lips were on yours while his hands landed into your hair.

He moaned into your mouth and his pressure on your scalp almost became painful, but Jungkook felt as if it was the only way you could finally get how sincere he was and how bad he wanted you to trust him. And it worked. You deepened the kiss while stumbling back into the room until your butt met with a washing machine that backed you up. Then, you allowed yourself to wrap your arms around his waist, grasping tightly his kaki parka that what freezing cold, but it was a pleasure for your burning fingers.

Jungkook's tongue brushed your lips and you let it enter as he kissed you again and again, and suddenly one of his hands dropped from your head to your back. He pushed himself further against you, his thighs squeezing yours, and you thought that your legs were soon going to become one with the washing machine if he kept on pushing.

Your kisses were so desperate and sloppy, but they were so true ; and they seemed to spread a magic charm right towards the knots in your brain, as if it had impeached you to accept Jungkook and his love up till now, it finally stopped its torturous wonderings that had danced in your head every single day, the second you kissed.

Out of nowhere, Jungkook bit your lower lip while his hands went down to your thighs, and he took a deep breath with his nose doing so, as the thought of being able to caress your body once again was starting to turn him on. He then lifted you up easily, as if you were lighter than a feather, to make you sit on the cubic furniture, before kissing down your neck and your collarbones that were at his eye-level, and you whimpered quietly.

"Jungkook Jungkook stop-"

The boy straightened himself quickly, his head following your hand that had gently pulled his hair, and his hooded but lustful eyes finally looked at you.

"What? Wasn't all of this you accepting me? Don't tell me-"

You loosened your grasp into his soft hair, letting your hand go down and reach his right cheek that wasn't chubby anymore but had dug itself as he was turning into a man, and you felt him lean into your touch, his eyes closing. You looked at his face a few seconds without breathing : the roundness of his nose so cute, the wetness of his long lashes making your heart skip a bit, the pout of his lips from which loud exhales were coming. He was mesmerizing.

"Say it again." you asked shyly before biting your lip.

"Hm?"

He opened his eyes, an ounce of confusion crossing his pupils as he still was in the mist of your heated hook up. But because, above all, he remained the person that knew you the best, he guessed the answer into your pleading eyes. He broke into a smile while bending towards you, and he placed his hands on each side of your shivering body. His mouth was so appealing, even more with that smirk it was doing, and the closeness between the both of you permitted you to give a look at the cute mole right under his lower lip that called for a kiss.

You needed to see him say it. You needed to be sure, before you'd do this. Before you'd do the undoable. Before you'd officially become a couple, with all its happy consequences but also its danger of ending your long-lasting friendship. Nevertheless, what had convinced you beforehand was how he had claimed he loved you as much as you did, with despair clear in his voice. Because if that truly was the case, you didn't need to be afraid anymore as you, were sure you'd never love anybody else more than him.

He was your best friend, he was the one who knew you, your tastes, your wants and even your silent needs, especially now as forcing his way through your untold feelings had put everything right into its place in the end. He, had finally reached you at the finish line, by braving every obstacle you had put before him. He, who had always been there, who satisfied everything you could ask for, couldn't be beaten by anyone else.

"I love you Y/N" he said in a sweet voice with a nod, his smile making your heart melt along with the last few defense barriers you had settled around it. "I love you. I've had since a long time, I felt weird too lately but I wasn't sure. I was the first one to kiss you that night, do you know why? Because I love you. Because I want to be with you like that. I want to be your best friend and your boyfriend. But it's either both, or nothing. Because I can't stand being just friendly to you anymore."

His voice was so steady and enchanting, a soothing tone he had never used with you but that testified of his soft spot for you. You were finally hearing and witnessing his sincerity, and if the words had passed from one ear to another before without stopping by your brain to register, this time, as he looked right into your eyes, as his gaze was enamored, as he was saying he loved you with so much conviction, you couldn't back off anymore.

"You won't leave me? You won't get tired of me? You're sure of you?" you asked suspiciously, a smile creeping up your lips, and he chuckled.

"I've been dragging you around for more than ten years, I think that will be okay" he almost whispered as he closed the unbearable gap between the both of you, his eyes downing on your mouth, and he kissed you again.

He moaned another time as he was feeling so satisfied by doing so, so complete, so at ease when he had been on the verge of losing it just before. Your fingers entangled in his straight and shiny hair while his went warily up your thighs, giving you numb sensations as if there wasn't any fabric separating his touch from your skin. Then, they made their way up to your waist and finally, Jungkook allowed himself to go under your T-Shirt, giving some unspeakable sensations at the base of your back where he started to draw random patterns.

Then again, what had been a soft kiss at first quickly turned into something passionate and needy, the both of you with your eyes closed so that you could only feel the other one with your touch, and even you yourself began to succumb to some unholy temptation. Your cold hands slid along his skull, passing through his coat and his shirt, to lodge themselves on the top of his back, and you felt him quiver at the contact. Jungkook's hands wandered under your top, and when he felt he wouldn't get enough just from kisses and light touches, he suddenly retreated, earning a surprised and frustrated expression from you.

He walked backwards to the door so that he wouldn't stop looking at you, and when you saw him turn the locker, a hot wave drooled on your body and you bit your lip.

"What if there are cameras? Or what if someone comes down?" you hissed as you started to look around, feeling suddenly shy.

Jungkook approached you and engulfed you in his arms, a sweet hug that surprised you and calmed you down in an instant. You landed your forearms on his shoulders and you caressed his neck as he suddenly let his lips trace wet kisses from your jawline to your collarbone, and you sighed.

"Nobody's at the uni on a Saturday night… And there are no cameras, believe me, we're not the first two people to do this here…" he chuckled and you eyed him suspiciously as he straightened himself to face you. "Guys know well how to share their secret locations to…"

"Oh no shut up" you grumbled and you grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, turning him on instantly, and you gave him a long kiss.

"I love you. So much. Fuck, I love you so much" he whispered against your lips and some unwelcomed urge to cry burned your lower eyelids but you brushed it off by kissing him another time.

"Let's go to your room or-" you tried to reason one last time.

"I want you now, Y/N. I can't wait. Not anymore." he cut you off, his stare defying you to say no.

Me neither.

This was the sentence, that definitely triggered you as well as Jungkook, and both of his hands took their place back on your hips, to make you slide over the edge of the washing machine, and you wrapped your legs around his waist. While looking at you, the boy slowly slipped off his jacket and you downed your eyes on his chest still covered by a deep blue shirt you were dying to unbutton, as you could already draw the sacred picture it was hiding into your mind. With a pounding heart you did the same with your denim jacket, throwing it on another washing machine nonchalantly.

You could see from Jungkook's squinted eyes and his bottom lip he had caught between his bunny teeth that he was having a hard time too at not tearing your top off your body, and he inhaled deeply as he bent to kiss you sloppily one more time. His parka suddenly hit the floor in a loud sound, making you jump shortly and he chuckled on your lips before pecking them.

He then lifted you up once again and, after having displayed his coat on the floor with his feet, he bent the both of you down in a controlled move, and he landed you slowly on it. The cold from the floor tiles was piercing through the fabric, you could feel it as your shirt had risen up so that your bare back was right against the parka. You gasped in surprise, but the heat in your body and the one coming from your lover that towered you totally overtook it in a few seconds.

You were getting drunk from the personal scent coming from his clothing underneath you, making your body crave even more to feel his, so you reached out your hands to caress his arms extended on each side of you. Then, they went up to the collar of his shirt that you unbuttoned before quickly going down to the next fasten, and Jungkook closed his eyes and hissed, the feeling of your fingers close to his bare chest enough to make him lose his mind.

You smiled in satisfaction to see him weak in front of you and because of you, but you soon frowned in excitement when the fabric loosened and unveiled his beautiful chest that now was yours. Jungkook sat on his knees to properly look at you and, like that night, his hands caressing your body were leaving trails of burns along with chills, making you hyperaware of his presence so close to you, so much that you were now desperate to make love with him once again.

You had thought back of that one-night stand so many times, secretly cherishing every move he had made and every kiss that had been shared, and if you had believed you'd never get to live something as beautiful again, you gladly discovered that you had been wrong, as everything from what was going on right now was even more stunning and intense than your first time with Jungkook. Mostly because this time, there wasn't any alcohol to multiply your senses ; it was him and him only that was making you feel dozens of things.

He quickly got you out of your clothes, kissing your lips every time he could, with a loud breathing expressing the hard time he was having at not rushing things. Indeed, you were like a gift to Jungkook, and he was in such a hurry to unpack you, as he had missed the beautiful content you were hiding in and that he had had the right to enjoy for a way too short night.

You didn't feel shy to have him stare at your naked body, and as he finally revealed himself to you too, his torso contrasted by the rays of the moon through the small windows, the tingling feeling into your chest exploded into some fireworks, and you forgot about the cold floor, the inappropriate yet exciting location, the tears that had tired your eyes that were now wandering on your boyfriend's body.

Jungkook dived back on top of you and he looked directly into your splendid eyes, and your hands firmly grabbed his neck, but your fingers soon died to caress his upper body so you did, making him close his eyes once again and his mouth slightly open to let out a jerky breath, because of your precious touch. His hair was messy, some strands falling on his forehead while the rest was staying up after you had combed them earlier, and you could decipher through the night that his cheeks were tinted. You took your time as he was weakening under your caress, making him pause into his pressed moves, to admire his precious traits once more.

Yet, his arms didn't resist his shivers anymore and, with a quiet whimper, he unexpectedly fell down on his elbows with his forehead landing on your exposed collarbone, and while your hands were dangerously going down, his face went up, searching for yours, his hot and shaken breath brushing your skin, and he kissed you once more. He kissed you as if you were the oxygen that he needed to go on with his life ; he kissed you as if it would be the last time, his tongue entering your mouth and his teeth clashing against yours ; he kissed you and it made him recover his full energy and control of his body, so he steadied himself above you and he felt you smile under his mouth.

And right there, after all your efforts of pushing him away, you definitely gave up on your fears and shelters as you pulled his body closer, the closer it'd ever be as you started making love on the floor that soon became your land. Then, making love all around the room, never having enough of each other, being desperate to feel the other, and letting a few whiny I love you's slip through your lips every time they were pulling apart and that your eyes had the chance to meet.

He had turned back into a werewolf raging with desire, but you weren’t one of his prays, no ; as it always had been the case, you were the splendid and shimmering moon that he depended on and had howled his love to, so desperately. Finally, you were shining upon him and for him only, and like your blinding color, Jungkook almost saw white behind his closed eyelids from all the pleasure that crept up from his body to his brain.

Through the darkness, you too could see something shine : his eyes that gazed lustfully at yours, and his teeth as he smiled brightly when your lovemaking came to an end, leaving the both of your bodies shagged on the floor with loud breathings, but mostly with the best feeling you’ve ever had.

You were willingly following Jungkook to his dorm this time, but as you both arrived in the courtyard separating the girls' dorms from the boys' one, with your hand secured in his, you suddenly stopped in your tracks.

"Isn't your roommate here? And what if your supervisor sees us?" you wondered and Jungkook turned around to look at you.

He was smirking, his face clearly expressing how worn out he was after he had given you his all, as well as his hair that was messily combed in the back, but god, he looked the finest you've ever seen, beating that one time, the night of the event. That man, smiling beautifully, was yours, and your heart was hardly admitting it, as it was still beating fast even if you weren't doing some kind of effort anymore.

"Since when are you so conscious of other people? How many times have you sneaked out at night to sleep with me because you had a nightmare?"

You rolled your eyes and tried to free your hand from his, but his grasp tightened in a flash of a second.

"Don't you dare let go of my hand, ever" he warned as he approached you and you had a hard time supporting his gaze, suddenly feeling flustered. "What day are we today?" he asked with a more serious expression on his awesome face.

"Saturday…?"

"What about dorms during the weekend?" Jungkook inquired, his eyes searching yours and you could see from the ripple of his mouth that he was about to laugh at you.

"They're empty…" you sighed in defeat.

"Right. My roommate's out. He won't know. And the intendent? He's probably given up. Now you come and sleep at mine, because if you don't, I might harass you with texts all night as I won't stop thinking about you, so you'll have to pay for it" he shrugged and he finally let his smile take his rightful place.

"Stop being lovely it doesn't suit you…" you mumbled.

"You prefer Fuckboy Jungkook? Or maybe does that mean you want round two in my bed up there? I can go on all night long if you wanna know" he teased and you kicked him on his chest that was showing because he hadn't properly buttoned up his shirt.

"Back to the lovely one in the end, I think that's better."

You started walking towards his dorm again, with him trailing his feet behind you and laughing quietly. Jungkook was so happy. He hadn't known before today, that it was possible to go through all kind of emotions in just a few hours. From jealousy, to anger, to frustration, to despair, to sadness, to love, to desire, to happiness ; being in love with you was meaning riding on a non-stopping roller coaster, but Jungkook adored strong sensations and risks. And tonight, he had reached the climax so many times with you in his arms, that he didn't know when he would come down ; hopefully never, hopefully the train you both had boarded on was taking you towards a peaceful but always higher destination.

This is right.

You immediately thought, as you were installing yourself in Jungkook's messy bed after having stolen your favorite shirt and pair of sweatpants in his wardrobe. He welcomed you in his warm embrace, not even bothering to wear a top, and you squirmed on your right side until your face was against his chest where you couldn't hold yourself back to plant some kisses. You loved his baby skin, its softness, its warmness, its scent that was so masculine with rests of his specific cologne – the one you had made for him in a store a year ago, as you were the only one who could fit his complicated and sensitive taste.

The more you were kissing him and the more Jungkook's body was starting to tense up, his hands stopping their light strokes on your back as he was carried away under your touch, unable to do anything except from feeling you. You caught the inhalation of air his slightly parted lips made and you retreated to look up at him, and he had his chin a little leveled up on the pillow, with his eyes closed. You started to plant a hickey on his throat and he unwillingly moaned, making you burst out of laughter.

"W-What?" he frowned as he moved his head down to look at you.

"You're that swayed for me aren't you? It's fantastic" you chuckled. "Did you hear yourself moan just right now?"

"Me? I moaned? When?" the innocent boy asked with lost eyes and you kissed him on the lips this time, your hand going up to land on his cheek, and Jungkook deepened the kiss as he hugged you closer, his hands again going down your back to lower body.

His fingers dangerously went under the waistband of his own pants you were wearing, and he pulled at your hips so that they came right against his. You instinctively lifted up your leg on his muscle thigh, permitting him to caress it in a painfully slow motion, bringing the sweatpants down at the same time. You felt his excitement in the burning pressure of his fingers and, even if deep down you were wanting him as much as he wanted you because you both couldn't have enough after having craved for each other for so long, your worn out body couldn't respond to your inner desires.

"I'm tired Kook…" you whined in his mouth and the boy sighed against your lips he then bit as a sign of his frustration.

"Sorry, sorry… I've been wanting you for so long that I think I can't get enough" he whispered as his hands had went up to your hair he suddenly played with, your faces only a few inches from each other on the pillow.

You kissed his nose and the corner of his mouth, earning a look of disapproval from your boyfriend but you smiled back.

"We've already done it like three times down there… And now you got all your life to shut your frustration up, I think that's pretty good" you reassured him and Jungkook's face broke into a smile that killed you in an instant.

It was so pure, his nose frowning and his bunny teeth showing under his thin lips, and his arms suddenly secured your frame even more, to the point you were chest to chest and you could feel his loud heartbeat.

"I did it" he whispered to himself, his eyes wandering on the outlines of your face he could see in the dark.

"Did what?" you whispered back as you lodged your arm around his neck with your hand resting on his scalp that you massaged slowly.

"Turn a one-night thing into a one-life thing. Waaaah I'm such a poet don't you think?" he smirked in satisfaction before removing his hand from your back to scratch his chin he leveled up one more time.

But you didn't smile, as you found it oddly beautiful. You were so young but so in love to the point you already were talking about life-lasting relationship. And even if you were foolish doing so, it touched you deep down in your heart, to the point that the small bit of water that was still in your body filled up your eyelids even if they were still tired from all your sobbing.

"You've just told me you're mine for life right now, I won't forget it" Jungkook added with his eyes closed and when he heard a gasp instead of a worded answer, he licked his lips before kissing yours sweetly. "What? You're surprised? You don't know me when I'm a boyfriend, but wait and see, you'll love me even more." he sighed in contentment.

If that's even possible.

You pinched gently his neck before sliding down to your previous position with your face across his bust, but this time you spared the boy as you only kissed it one more time, earning a short whimper, but he still kissed you back on the top of your head to calm himself down.

And this time, when you finally said "Jungkook I love you", you were plainly awake and far from scared, but mostly lucky enough to witness him shiver from happiness, before he tightened his arms around you while his breathing had become jerky from the flustering.

After a few kisses on your forehead, you heard him murmur, right before you drifted to sleep, with a sore and emotional voice, the three words that now sounded like a lullaby to you instead of a painful lie, as you finally believed in his love as much as in his friendship, and that with all your heart and mind.

This is… perfect.

THE END.

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cxiao07-blog · 6 years

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Critical Practice Final Essay: Chungking Express and Postmodernism

Chungking Express is a Hong Kong drama film written and directed by Wong Kar-wai and released in 1994. I believe this film is a great example of postmodernism. The film includes two stories in which the location is the same, but the characters are different. However, the characters are all distanced and lonely, they question their life, their reaction to their surrounding is often not logical, and the plot is sometimes unstructured and unclear. The film shows a sense of ambiguity and the feeling of chaos in the society, it questions traditions and everything that’s already developed. There’s more to explore in this movie that is related to the concept of postmodernism.

The main character of the first story is cop 223. In the beginning,r we see a scene of the crowd, people are bypassing each other and bypassing every possible encounter. The focus is on cop 223, and another woman with a blonde wig who seems to be running away from someone. Cop 223 ran into the woman, and as the narrator, he says: "At our closest point, we were just 0.1 cm apart, 55 hours later, I was in love with this woman." This is a foreshadowing of following plot, but also symbolizes one of the movie's theme: the endless possibilities of encounters between strangers.

In the next scene, cop 223 appears at a food stop, which becomes an important location of the story: where the main characters meet. He broke up with his girlfriend on the April Fool's day, she said he doesn't know her at all. Cop 223 tried to convince himself that it is only a joke, but it’s very hard for him to get over with the relationship. Cop 223 went jogging, because "everyone's heart gets broken. When mine is, I go running. Running evaporates body fluid, so there's none left for tears."

Everything has an expiration date, even their love. His girlfriend May likes pineapple cans, he decides that he'll give himself a month to get over with the joke, so he buys a can of pineapple with the expiration of May 1st every day. After May 1st, he will admit their relationship has expired, and he will move on. Cop 223 is trying to escape the reality and he questions "is there anything that's never expired?" To him the world is cold and everyone is so distanced, especially when he gives a recycling man the pineapple can, the man madly throws the can to the floor, saying he doesn't want it because it is expired. It is just like the love from May is expired, on the morning of May 1st, cop 223 realizes that "To May I was nothing but a tin of pineapple," that could be thrown away easily.

The idea of postmodernism in this movie could be also supported by the illogical decisions that characters made. Cop 223 doesn't want to accept the truth, the 30 cans of pineapples are his escape from reality. On May 1st, He went to a bar, and decides he will fall in love with the first woman he saw. That person is the blonde wig woman, who is very stressed from running and chasing a drug-smuggling ring. Cop 223 starts talking to her, even tho she's "not in the mood of talking." They are both lonely, so they talk and she became drunk. Cop 223 takes her to a hotel room and lets her rest. In the meantime, he watches movies and keeps eating, to release his stress of being lonely and lovesick. He helps her taking off her high heels and cleans them before leaving.

Cop 223's story ends with jogging and a happy birthday greeting from the blonde woman, while he thought no one would greet him since he broke up with May. He's ready to move on, after running and eating the 30 cans of pineapple. He appears at the snack store again, which introduces the second story and the characters: Faye and cop 663.

Cop 663 is also dealing with a breakup, with a flight attendant. Cop 663 thinks about his ex-girlfriend while looking at her old uniform, he irons her uniform and talks to dish, towel, and dolls. He's so deeply lonely, he imagines her girlfriend's still with him, guessing her still hiding in his closet when he gets home.

Faye secretly falls in love with him. She finds opportunities to stay with him when she could, asking him help for carrying heavy stuff or pretend to stop by when he's eating on the street side shop. Cop 663's girlfriend left a letter with his apartment's key at the food shop, asking the owner to give it to Cop 663. Faye secret kept the letter and the key, she enters Cop 663's apartment without his acknowledge, cleaning and decorating his room. Fayer changes his worn-out towel, brings him goldfish, changes his tablecloths, she even tries his ex-girlfriend’s old uniform. When Cop 663 finds out, he asks her out for dinner at a restaurant called California. However, she does not come, instead, the shop owner tells cop 663 that Faye left for California in the United States.

The atmosphere of this film is very subtle, quiet and even melancholy. The shop owner keeps telling cop 223 and cop 663 to not be sad about the breakup, just find another girl. But to them, finding a new one might not be hard, what's hard is to find one with little distance in their hearts. Cop 223 breaks up with May because even though their physical distance is close, they are not connected emotionally, and that's why the relationship is expired. In the movie, there's a lot of scenes reflected on a mirror, representing the vague reality and the unsureness of people's connections. One of the examples is when cop 223 and the blonde woman are drinking in the bar, does cop 223 really understands her loneliness? Another one is when cop 663 kisses his ex-girlfriend, a mirror shows that they are not really in love with each other, they are connected to nothing but sexual desire.

This movie also has a bunch of stylistic lines, including cop 663’s conversation with his furniture: “Since she left, everything in the flat is sad. Everything needed lulling to sleep.

(to a bar of soap)”, “You've lost a lot of weight, you know. You used to be so chubby. Have more confidence in yourself. (to a threadbare wet dishcloth)” “You have to stop crying, you know. Where's your strength and absorbency? You're so shabby these days.” Other remarkable quotes include “Actually, really knowing someone doesn't mean anything. People change. A person may like pineapple today and something else tomorrow.” by the blonde woman when she’s at the bar. Most of these quotes are implying that in the world of chaos, on the surface we are connected with one another, we can easily be close to someone, but within our deep self, we are always by ourselves and alone.

In the ambiguity and the illogicality of the plot, the doubt toward the real world, the question of individual existence, I believe this movie has expressed the idea of postmodernism.

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pekofskyinparadise · 6 years

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the true story of our Ireland trip

I have the audacity to call myself a travel blogger and not even write anything about my international travel that happened A WHOLE MONTH AGO. And ok, I’m not really a travel blogger, because I mostly just blog about my normal daily life in good ol’ Baltimore County, Maryland, but I do love to travel, and travel blogger is like, the dream, obviously. So, as I was saying… here’s the epic saga of our trip to Ireland.

I bought the trip on Groupon, and the Groupon voucher was for Great Value Vacations, so after the purchase through Groupon, all of my correspondence was with GVV. They were FANTASTIC. I only spoke with one person who was less than enthusiastically helpful, and even right after I hung up with that person, I called back and got another wonderful customer service rep. The price was RIGHT and they made everything very easy. I absolutely recommend them. I paid a little extra for a few things: upgrading our car to automatic (we were NOT about to be driving manual on the left side of the road and the right side of the car…); breakfast every day and admission to the Cliffs of Moher and the Guinness Storehouse (more about those later); and to move the trip a bit later in March (to avoid inclement weather). So, of course, since I did that, the weather called for snow the day we were supposed to leave.

We had planned to stay with friends in NY the night before we left and the night we got home, so we decided to leave a little earlier than planned to get up there and avoid the weather in Maryland. We managed to miss the ice and snow down here… but after dinner with our friends in NY, I received an email that our flights had already been canceled in anticipation of the foot of snow that was supposed to fall in NY the next day. I quickly hit “rebook to the closest flight before or after,” but the soonest we could go was a full 24 hours later—and we were going to have an 8-hour layover in London instead of a 2-hour one. But, we rebooked for free, so we just went with the flow and enjoyed our snow day. Also, we drank a bunch of wine to feel less bad about the missed day.

Finally, the day had come, and we made our way to the airport… only to joyously (NOT) find out that our British Airways flight was being operated by American Airlines, who we have had plenty of issues with in the past. We also noticed our bags were only checked to London, not Dublin, so we were going to have to pick them up and re-check them. And, of course, in true American Airlines fashion, the flight was delayed almost two hours. “At least we have that 8-hour layover in London,” I thought, and tried to get some sleep (mostly unsuccessfully) before we started our day in Europe.

Once we got to Heathrow, we had to wait in a VERY long line to get through customs and immigration, go get our bags, and then take a train to the terminal we thought we were leaving from to go to Dublin. But then, because we are us, and apparently have horrendous travel luck, we couldn’t check in. We double checked our itinerary and realized… we weren’t flying out of Heathrow, where we had flown into: we were flying out of London City Airport. Thankfully, there was an INCREDIBLY helpful man downstairs in Heathrow who explained to us how to get there on the London Underground for only 6 pounds apiece… and we had a few hours, so we should be fine. So, we lugged our luggage onto the train, up flights of stairs, through crowds, across streets (we changed trains THREE TIMES) and thankfully, into London City Airport with an hour and a half before our flight. And I didn’t even cry.

We hopped on our short flight to Dublin, and then realized we needed to tackle our next adventure: the drive to our hotel. Since we had missed our first night, we weren’t staying an hour and a half from the airport anymore, but four hours away. And my incredible fiancé, on about two hours of sleep, after 8.5 hours total of flying and an incredibly stressful tube ride, drove us the four hours on the wrong side of the road, half of it in the dark, to Killarney. I swear… he’s the best partner to have for most things in life, but especially in stressful situations like these. We would not have made it through without each other. We also would not have made it through without a little divine intervention: about halfway in to the drive, sleepy and delirious and hungry, we decided we needed to stop, stretch our legs, get a snack and some caffeine, and just get out of the car for a moment. We searched for the closest gas station to us, and what pops up but “0.1 miles away: Barack Obama Travel Plaza.” We could not believe our eyes. In Moneygall, Ireland, in the middle of nowhere, there was a rest stop branded with America’s first black president. It still feels like something my subconscious made up, but it provided us with the necessary chips (sorry, CRISPS) and caffeine to continue our journey. Seriously... thanks Obama!

We finally made it to Killarney around 10 p.m., were helped by the most wonderful staff at the International Hotel there (seriously, props to GVV on their hotel choices), got some Irish fast food, some Guinness, and some much-needed sleep.

When we woke up on Saturday morning, vacation had finally, truly begun. We had a lovely breakfast—Ireland does not mess around on the breakfast front—and went to chat with the front desk about what we should do that day. They suggested a hop-on, hop-off tour of the area, including some nature, pretty views, and historical buildings, so we went with that! Honestly, it was one of my favorite days of the trip. We saw Ross Castle, Torc Waterfall, Muckross House, and some amazing nature and viewpoints surrounding them and along the way. We finished out the evening with beers at the Killarney Brewing Co.—when in Rome—and then more drinks and dinner at the Shire bar (honestly, cute but a little disappointing) and another drink out on Killarney’s main street. All of this was walking distance from our hotel, so it was super convenient. And, the weather cooperated, so while it was chilly, it wasn’t too cold to walk around comfortably.

Sunday started with our very first “full Irish” breakfast: and while black and white puddings sound weird, they were freaking delicious. And don’t even get me started on Irish bacon… it’s a mix between our bacon and our ham, thick cut, absolutely delicious. Plus the homemade brown bread… and I’m not even normally a butter person, but the butter in Ireland is phenomenal. Definitely not to be missed. Then, we headed up to Galway. On the way, we got to see the Cliffs of Moher: something I’ve wanted to see for most of my life. It did not disappoint. There are few things more breathtaking than a view of the ocean and cliff faces from a high vantage point, on a day so clear you can see the Aran Islands and peninsulas jutting off the Emerald Isle. I’d go back in a heartbeat. That day we also visited the Burren, a strange, almost lunar landscape that really did feel like another planet. We didn’t stay long, but the drive through the national park was beautiful. Finally, we arrived in Galway. Despite the drizzle, their “shop street” was lively and packed with bars and restaurants. We popped into the Quays (pronounced “keys”) bar for a seafood dinner with deliciously briny Galway Bay oysters, had a couple drinks, and went to bed.

Galway’s breakfast (Menlo Park Hotel) was a buffet, and while they had the typical fixings for a full Irish breakfast, they also had house-made jams for the bread and sautéed mushrooms… weird for breakfast, but I’ll never argue with it. Like I said, the Irish do not mess around with breakfast. French press coffee, etc. etc. It was great. Our second day in Galway started off with Randy getting a permanent souvenir: a tattoo of his family motto to go with the Ireland-themed sleeve he’s been working on. We had lunch in an adorable bar on shop street, and then attempted to go drink at Galway Bay Brewery… except it was just the brewery, not a taproom, so we sent our poor taxi driver into this industrial park… he was very confused. We decided just to go rest in the hotel for a bit and then go explore some more later. This was good, as that day was the only day I’d had any stomach trouble: but it was the WORST heartburn I’ve ever had. I’ve only had one other episode like that since we’ve been back… really terrible. But for the most part since we’ve been back, my stomach has been mostly fine, and I’m really grateful. I think stress did have something to do with the whole thing, and I changed jobs after vacation, and that has really added to my peace of mind. But more on that later.

That evening in Galway was our favorite of the trip: we went to this fantastic seafood restaurant for dinner, hit up a bar that actually served Galway Bay Brewing beers (and found a Maryland beer in there with the craft imports!), and then went to a tiny bar with live music that was just a band of 10 or so sitting around a table, playing instruments and singing. We made friends with (and were bought whiskey by) Randy’s long lost Irish kin—they bonded over blue eyes, family history, and both being plumbers—and had a phenomenal time. We felt like we really had the true Irish experience that evening.

We woke up in the morning (somehow not hung over… I don’t know how) and headed east to Dublin. On the way, we visited Clonmacnoise: a monastic village established in the 800s, very reminiscent of the crumbling Irish castle ruins and graveyard tattooed on Randy’s arm. We walked through the ancient buildings and gravestones, knowing that almost 1000 years before the United States existed, there was a thriving civilization right where we stood. We gazed out on the river Shannon and decided to head straight to Dublin to make sure we had time for the most important part of the trip: the Guinness brewery. It was drizzling again, but we walked from our hotel in Dublin up to St. James Gate, and began our journey through how Guinness is made. Ascending the levels of the brewery and museum, we got to learn exactly how to properly taste a Guinness and how to pour our own pint perfectly. And at the top, we drank our perfectly poured pints and gazed over Dublin from the 360 degree glass gravity bar. Once we came back down, we headed back to our hotel (it was more than drizzling, and kinda cold at this point) to clean up for dinner and drinks later. We took a cab to the (in)famous Temple Bar area, grabbed dinner (and some souvenirs) there, and determined drinks would be better had somewhere else. So we walked to the Molly Malone statue that Randy wanted to see, and then onto Grafton Street and into McDaid’s for a pint (double Ed Sheeran reference locations… it was very exciting) and then back to the hotel to call it a night for our last one in Ireland.

We woke up early to squeeze in one last phenomenal breakfast and some last bits of tourism before we had to check out. We hopped in a cab, and went to Trinity College to see the Long Room in the old library (where the Book of Kells is displayed), then walked to Dublin Castle and to Ha’Penny bridge, the couple of (slightly overrated) touristy things that “they” say you have to do in Dublin. But, we did them, and got back to our hotel in time to check out, and start our journey home. We drove to the airport, dropped off the car, had some lunch and a final Irish Guinness, and made our way home: much less eventfully than the journey there, thankfully. We stayed one more night in New York, had a leisurely morning there, and then set off for home. Then, because we planned brilliantly, we had three more days off before having to return to work on Monday. Glorious.

While I know being on vacation all the time would make it less special, and it’s also kind of impossible (currently, anyway)… I wish I could be. Traveling the world is my favorite thing, especially with my husband-to-be, and I can’t wait to do more of it (stay tuned for Massachusetts/Rhode Island in September, Shenandoah in November, and Greece next summer!)

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shuakkinda-blog · 7 years

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Accidental first kiss with Seventeen // reaction

You’ve just started dating an svt member, but your first kiss comes a little sooner than you both expected. By accident.

Requested by anon. Thank you for sending this in!! It’s really cute and I was pretty much dying while writing the entire thing LOL.

Feel free to request scenarios and reactions on my page!!

Seungcheol

It’s Seungcheol’s birthday, and you’re taking him over to a surprise birthday party in the practice room where all the other members are waiting. He would be walking very closely behind you, and while you’re leading him, he asks you “where are we going?” You turn around too quickly and your lips accidentally collide with his. He freezes for a quick second after the kiss, but he eventually breaks out into a huge smile and giggles. You’re kinda upset that the kiss happened then because it disrupted the whole build-up to the surprise, but he says, “I think this might just beat whatever you’re about to surprise me with.”

Jeonghan

You guys would be running somewhere, but as you take the lead, Jeonghan would get tired and try to tell you to stop. BUT YOU KEEP RUNNING, so he has no other choice but to grab your wrist, ricocheting your body back to him and landing your lips on his. He’d close his eyes upon contact, but would look at you in awe afterwards, mouth slightly opened. He wouldn’t even ask before pulling you back in for another kiss. He’ll smile when he feels you giggling against his lips I’M NOT CRYING, YOU ARE.

Joshua

You guys are taking a quick nap on a couch in their dorm. Your head would be resting on his shoulder while his head is resting atop yours. But when you’re waking up, you’ll squirm your head upwards in attempt to stretch, which would ultimately initiate contact between your lips and his. The both of you are waking up at the same time, so you’d shoot up out of your position and give Josh wide eyes that would kinda say “dUDE WTF DID WE JUST KISS???” But honestly this boy wouldn’t mind that much. Maybe he’s just too tired to realize it was your first, but he’d definitely have sleepy eyes and wave to you like “heyhey” as if nothing happened (the gif serves as a nice visual reference :’). I can see him texting you later on when he fully recognizes what happened, like “hey y/n I think we just had our first kiss earlier LOL.”

Jun

You’d be chatting with Jun and cupping his face for no apparent reason, but ofc you’re right next to a door that Seokmin just so happens to barge into the room with, which scares you and pushes you forward onto Jun’s lips. He’d look at you after the kiss and stare before saying, “I know that was by accident, but it was kind of nice.” *smirk* If you wanted another kiss, you would have to be the one to initiate it but Jun would totally want it either way.

Hoshi

When your lips accidentally land on his, his eyes would immediately widen and he’ll pretty much be all stiff throughout the entire kiss lmao. Afterwards, he’d give you a smirky look and say, “Tryna move fast, huh?” *shakes head and wiggles eyebrows* And you’d be all defensive like “NONONO IT-IT WAS JUST AN HONEST MISTAKE. I DIDN’T MEAN TO-” But even if Soonyoung believes you, he’ll pretend he doesn’t this lil shiet. “Mhmm alright, y/n. Whatever you sayyyy~” We all know he wants another one tho :33

Wonwoo

Wonwoo’s reaction was hard to think of because his reaction really depends on how close you guys are. Although, I think he’d date a girl he already knows super well sO assuming he’s comfortable with you, Wonwoo would probably look at you with a slight smile before looking down to the side and shyly saying, “please tell me you want to do that over too...” (He just wants to make sure the first time you kiss is perfect, alrighT?)

Jihoon

Jihoon would immediately apologize for the accident (even though it was technically your fault) and would probably cover up his mouth to make his shyness less obvious. The two of you would sit there in silence for a moment or two, thinking about what just happened. Eventually, he’d look at you and say something like, “did we just... kiss?” Inside his head he’d be screaming, like his entire brain complex would be on fiRe. If you guys are alone and he’s feeling extra bold that day, he might just say, “c-can I have... a-another one?” DJFSDJFNISDNFJANOE LET ME BREATHE FOR A MOMENT.

Seokmin

You guys would be screaming over some random shit, but then a sudden loud noise would scare you and make you lunge forward at Seokmin, your lips accidentally locking as a result. B O Y this kiss would make Seokmin go from screech mode to silent mode in 0.1 seconds LOLOL. His eyes would be so freaking huge and his mouth would be wide open when he looks at you afterwards. You’d be apologizing for the incident nervously, but Seokmin would grin and say “It’s okay. It’s not like I’ve been wanting to kiss you all this time.” AHHH I’m 700% sure he’d be smiling for the rest of the day, and all the members would be like, “wtf Seokmin, why are your sun rays extra bright today? you smiling so much???”

Mingyu

OKAY BUT YALL WOULD BE LEGIT SCREAMING AFTERWARDS, LIKE “OMF WE JUST DID THAT??? LMAO.” This would eventually turn into laughing of course because you’d both think it was a cute way for the first kiss to happen. Mingyu would pull you close whilst laughing and probably say some shit like, “I was planning on doing it in the future, but at least I know I can kiss you whenever I want to now.″ BYE MINGYU

Minghao

Honestly, I don’t think Minghao would think too much of the accident. He’ll let out a cute smile and a tiny laugh before continuing with whatever you guys were doing. If you’re really blushing red, he’ll kindly ask you if you’re okay; he doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable about it. He’s just... chill and... considerate like that, you know what I mean??? Though, there’s no doubt he’s gonna think about it afterwards for awhile, but he won’t let you know. He’ll also think of another way he can really kiss you later on in the relationship (so to him, this kiss doesn’t count. he aiNT FINISHED.)

Seungkwan

If humans were capable of physical combustion from emotions, Seungkwan would definitely be one to do so after an accidental kiss. His face would get all tomato red and he’d start stuttering out of nervousness, all while you’re busy laughing at him I’M SOFT FOR SHY KWAN OKAY. He’d take the blame for it, even though it would’ve been your fault. So you’d have to tell him that it was your fault to make him feel better (our boo needs reassurance every once in awhile). He’ll be up all night replaying the moment in his head, how cute :’)

Hansol

The two of you would be sharing a single drink with two straws, but you’d come in too close when sipping with him, and your lips would touch. He’d look at you, curve up the end of his lips, and say, “well, that just happened.” And you guys would get all blushy before you’d apologize and cover your face in embarrassment. He’ll come over to your side of the table and hug you to reassure you that it’s fine God Hansol would make the cutest dual bf/bff.

Chan

Istg this boy will legit smile at you afterwards because he knows it wasn’t his fault. Inside his head, he’ll be screaming, “omg I didn’t have to do it myself? LIFE IS AMAZING!!1!1!!” Because poor Chan would have been contemplating on how he should give your first kiss for the longest time. He has so many ideas and it would’ve been so hard to choose one out of all of them??? But it would be a relief when this happens because aY NO MORE WORRIES LMAO.

#seventeen #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #seventeen reactions

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ofstarsandvibranium · 7 years

Text

7 Years

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: It’s been 7 years since you walked away from the love of your life.

Warnings: angst, mentions of cheating, bullying

You watched the little girl with brown hair and blue eyes play with the children around her. 7 years old was her age. 7 years ago was the last time you saw the love of your life. 7 years ago you caught your fiance cheating on you. 7 years ago you were about to tell him he was going to be a father.

But all of that is in the past now. You were happy and so was your baby girl Isabelle Rebecca L/N-Barnes.

“Y/N!” Your friend Sam exclaimed as him, his wife, and daughter walked up to you.

Your eyes lightened up, “Oh my god! Sam! Jess! Hi! Tammy! You’re so grown! How old are you? 10?!”

The little toddler with light brown skin and curly black pigtails giggled, “I’m five!” She said holding up five fingers.

“Wooow! You’re such a big girl now!”

Sam’s wife, Jessica smiled and took her daughter by the hand, “You wanna go on the swings, baby girl?” Tammy nodded and walked with her mom.

Sam settled onto the bench next to you, “How’s your girl?”

You smiled at him, “Strong and beautiful as ever.”

Sam nodded, “Good. Good. You start dating anyone yet?”

You gave him a look and a warning tone, “Sam-”

“Belle’s 7 almost 8. She’s probably already noticed how almost everyone seems to have a father but her.”

You began playing with the necklace your former love had given to you after your one year anniversary. It was always a habit of you to start fiddling with it when you became stressed, upset, or nervous, “I’ve told her about him. The good things of course. And sure, I’ve gotten lonely at times…I just don’t think I’m ready.”

7 Years Ago

Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, also known as Bucky, was deployed in Texas while you stayed back home in Brooklyn, New York. Every night, before you went to sleep, you two would either call or video chat.

You were surprised when 10 o’clock hit and he still didn’t call you up on Skype or text you. You were nervous. You were going to tell him you were pregnant. You sat anxiously in bed, the light of your laptop illuminating your face. Suddenly, the calling icon and a picture of Bucky appeared. You smiled and accepted the call. Within seconds, Bucky appeared. He sat at his desk shirtless.

He smiled at you, “Hey, doll! Sorry I was a bit late. I dozed off during my night watch.”

You giggled, “It’s okay. How was your day?”

Bucky shrugged, “Same old army stuff. Now, you wanna tell me why you’re looking so giddy?” Bucky said with a glint in his eyes.

You sighed, “Nothing ever gets by you.”

Bucky shook his head, “Nope! So spill!”

You took a deep breath, “I’d rather tell you this in person, but we won’t be seeing each other for a while. So here it goes.” You took another deep breath, “I’m-”

“Bucky! Come on! Come back to bed! I’m aching for you!” You heard a female voice call out.

Your blood ran cold. Bucky’s face was immediately filled with regret, “Y/N, let me-” you didn’t want to hear it. You immediately ended the call and shut your laptop pushing towards the foot of the bed.

Bucky was cheating on you. Bucky, the love of your life, your fiance, the father of your unborn child…was cheating on you.

Within seconds, you phone started ringing. No surprise it was Bucky. You rejected the call only for it to start ringing again and again and again. After maybe the tenth time, it stopped. Then your text tone started going off. Through teary eyes, you picked up the phone to read the messages.

Y/N, please answer your phone. Lemme explain!

I messed up. I know, but baby, I love you!

I love you so goddamn much I’m sorry! She means nothing to me I swear!

Doll, please answer me.

You shook your head and sent a single text to him before you shut your phone off

It’s over.

Not a day goes by where Bucky hates himself for what he did to you. He lost everything that day seven years ago. After another couple months of you cutting ties with him, he came back from his deployment.

He held his breath as he inserted the key to the door of the apartment he shared with you. There was a 99.9% chance you moved out and found your own place. However, Bucky reveled in that 0.1% chance of you being there. He hoped to find you sitting on the couch in one of his shirts watching some movie on Netflix.

He unlocked the door and slowly opened it. He was greeted to a cold dark apartment. He turned on the lights and saw that a lot of things were missing. He first noted the absence of the many framed pictures of you two that hung on the walls. Next, he noticed the missing knick knacks that you were so fond of that used to decorate the table and counters.

With a heavy heart, he made his way to the bedroom. He first went to the closet. All of your clothes gone. Your jewelry weren’t resting on the dresser anymore. Your vanity was gone. It’s like you never existed. But then something caught his eye on the bedside table. He walked towards it and picked it up. It was your engagement ring. Bucky broke down crying after that. He lost you.

After never hearing from you again, Bucky focused on working for the army. Once his time of service was through, he decided to become a police officer. The job allowed his mind to constantly be distracted from any thoughts of you.

Isabelle was playing with some kids on the playground when an all too familiar group of mean boys came up to her. The leader, Jason, pointed towards you, “Is that your new dad?”

Isabelle looked in your direction and saw the familiar face. She shook her head, “That’s my mom’s friend, Sam.”

Jason scoffed, “So you still don’t have a dad?”

Isabelle always became tense when the subject of her father came up, “My dad is in the army! He’s being a hero and he’s gonna come home some day!”

Jason’s right hand, Leo, cackled, “Yeah right! He probably left you and your mom because you were a mistake!” The boys around him laughed.

Isabelle’s eyes started to water, “I wasn’t a mistake! My dad loves me!”

“Then where is he? Huh, cry baby? Where is your daddy?” Jason pushed Isabelle causing her to fall. She immediately shot up and ran away towards the jogging trail without a word to you.

Bucky was going on his daily run at the jogging trail near the playground. He was enjoying listening to the murmur of children’s laughter and singing birds when his ears perked at the sound of a child whimpering and sniffling.

He stopped and listened to where it might be coming from. It sounded like it was up ahead. He slowly walked a couple more steps and found a young girl sitting on a bench crying. He cautiously approached the girl, “Hey, sweetheart.”

The girl jumped at his sudden appearance and stood up ready to run. Bucky took note of her scared expression. He immediately crouched down and took out his badge, “It’s okay, sweetie. I’m a police officer. See?” He held up his badge. He watched as the young girl let out a sigh of relief, “Are you lost?”

The girl shook her head, “No. I’m just upset.”

Bucky nodded and gestured to the bench, “Wanna sit down and talk about it with me?” The girl nodded and sat next to him, “What’s your name, sweetie?”

“Isabelle.”

“Nice to meet you Isabelle. I’m Officer Barnes.”

Isabelle’s eyes lit up, “My last name is Barnes too!”

Bucky smiled, “What a coincidence! Now, you gonna tell me why you’re upset?”

Isabelle looked down at her lap, “Some mean boys called me a mistake and started laughing about how I don’t have a daddy.”

“That’s terrible! Boys are so mean!”

“Yeah! And they’re all liars! I wasn’t a mistake! My mommy just said I was unexpected. But she still wanted me and loved me.”

Bucky nodded, “So what’s this stuff about your dad?”

“He’s in the army! He’s fighting bad guys and saving people! Soon, he’s gonna come back and I’ll get to meet him! I have his dog tags here!” Isabelle took out the necklace that she always wore from under her shirt. She took it off and handed it to Bucky to show it to him.

Bucky took the dog tags and he felt like the world had paused. Engraved on the dog tags were:

Barnes, James B.

03-10-82

O Positive

Bucky’s mouth ran dry. He was sitting next to his daughter.

He cleared his throat and faked a smile, “That’s very cool, Isabelle. Say, why don’t I walk you back to your mom. She’s probably worried about you.”

Isabelle held Bucky’s hand and he gulped. He gripped her hand tight yet not too tight to startle her. They both made their way towards the park.

5 minutes later you were spotted standing next to Sam talking to a police officer. Isabelle let go of Bucky’s hand and ran towards you, “Mommy!”

Your head snapped towards her direction, “Oh thank God!” You met your daughter half way and engulfed her in your arms, “Don’t go running off like that, princess! You scared me!”

“I’m sorry, mommy! but I was safe! I was with Officer Barnes!” she pointed towards Bucky and your eyes followed to land on a face you hoped you’d never see again. Bucky held up a hand and waved at you.

“Is this your daughter, ma’am?” the officer asked you breaking you from your trance.

You nodded, “Yes, she is. But thank you so much for your help.” The officer nodded and walked away.

Sam walked up to you, “Is that-”

“Yup.”

Sam cleared his throat and grabbed Isabelle’s attention, “Hey, Belle, I’m gonna buy Tammy some ice cream. Do you want some?”

Isabelle’s eyes widened, “Yeah!” She followed Sam to the other side of the park.

You walked up to Bucky, “Um, so, Belle told me you helped her?”

Bucky nodded taking you in. You were still so beautiful, “Yeah. I found her crying on the trail. Some boys were bullying her.”

You nodded, “Well, thanks for bringing her back.” You turned around to walk away, but Bucky spoke up.

“She showed me the dog tags, Y/N. I know she’s mine. She told me how you told her that her dad is in the army. You told her how she was unexpected but you still loved her nonetheless.”

“Wow, I really should enforce not sharing personal things with strangers.” You mumbled to yourself.

Bucky took a step closer towards you, “Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve been there. I should’ve been there.”

You dry laughed, “To hell with you should’ve been there!”

“It’s my right!”

“You lost that right when you cheated on me!” you burst out.

Bucky’s shoulders sagged, “Y/N, I regret cheating on you. Trust me. It ate me alive, yet I was still stupid enough to go forth with it. Then when I came back from my deployment, it really hit me that I lost the best thing that’s ever happened me. Obviously, I was still willing to fight for you. I called and texted you every day hoping that one day you’d answer.”

“You broke the one rule I had when it came to our relationship.”

“If I hurt you, it’s over.” He quoted your words, “I know, but-”

“But nothing, James.” The name felt so unfamiliar on your tongue, “I’m a woman of my word.” You began to walk away again and Bucky called out again.

“Isabelle deserves to know who her father is. She deserves to meet him.”

“She’s not ready.” You sneered.

“She’s not? Or you’re not?”

You ran your hand through your hair, “Fine. It won’t happen today, but it will. Soon.”

Bucky smiled, “I look forward to it, doll.”

You rolled his eyes, “Don’t call me that.”

“You know what, I just decided something.”

“And what’s that?”

“I’m gonna win you over again.” Bucky gave you a smug and cocky smile.

“Why?”

“Because, doll, even if this is the first time I’ve seen you in years, I’m still head over heels in love with you.”

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x reader #marvel

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so-flashtastic · 7 years

Text

Daddy’s promise 0.1

Request from anon: 083 would be awesome

Category: Pregnancy 083: "I can't be pregnant... or....OH, MY GOD! "

Pairing: Barry Allen x reader Warnings: Girltalk where the word "sex" is mentioned a couple times (idk if that's a legit warning tho), mild swearing (I think there's like... three curewords or something), and a bit bad writing in the beginning. Words: 3516

A/N: Just thought I'd give you the reason why I didn't post Cinderella part 2: it's pretty much because it's been a while since I wrote last time, and I want the second part to be perfect, AND I didn't have so many ideas – just thought you guys deserved an update quicker...

ϟϟϟϟϟ

When it came to sneaking in after a long night, Y/N Y/L/N wasn’t the best. Was the girl inexperienced? Well, maybe, but she blamed it more on her dominant gene of clumsiness. As expected, the door wasn’t on her side when she tried her best to get into her and Mary's apartment inaudibly.

Squeak! It was moments like these, Y/N regretted not getting their door fixed. Though she excused her laziness with the argument that it was a great (cheap) alternative for an alarm in case of thieves (as if anyone would break the law for her stuff, hah!), it wasn't funny when you tried your best to sneak inside after a long night out.

"Good morning," Mary, Y/N's best friend, and roommate smirked at her, two cups of coffees in her hands. "We really need to oil those hinges," Y/N tried her best changing the topic, as she took the mug her friend offered her. "Nice try, go shower and get dressed. You've got a lot to tell me, and I don't want you to be hung over while you're at it," at that moment, Mary was so determined, Y/N didn't dare nor care to tell her she wasn't that hung over.

"You had sex with Barry?! I can't believe it! I mean, you guys are like... the definition of cinnamon buns!" Mary exclaimed in shock. "Ugh, stop it, Mary. Now that I've told you everything about last night-" "He asked you to take som drinks with him and Caitlin, then you just ended up having sex? Who are you?" "-can you just be the bestest best friend in the world and don't remind me about it for the rest of my life?" Y/N continued as if her friend hadn't just interrupted her, and hid her face in her hands.

"Wait, what? Why? Was he so bad?" "NO! Jesus, Mary, no, he- he was good... But the sex is not the point!" Y/N shook her head. "Well then, what's the problem?" "We're friends, and... and... and did you not just hear what's happened?! We had intercourse-" "Don't say intercourse, Y/N/N, it's old and it's weird," Mary interrupted. "Well, we did it-" "You're not five, Y/N, I believe the word you're looking for is-" "Oh my God, Mary, can we just not talk about this?! Please?" Y/n couldn't do this conversation anymore, and with a short "OK" from her noisy friend, Y/N left their living room.

It had been days since her and Mary's conversation about Y/N's wild night with Barry. Luckily for her, Barry was needed in Star City for a week, so the awkward meet was yet to come. Of course, Y/N knew that it had to happen sooner or later, though later had worked out just fine for the past days, hence why she was still rooting for that method – despite Mary's constant nagging.

The morning came quicker than usual as Y/N woke up by the sudden urge to throw up. This confused her, considering Y/N was never sick – well, excluding the days she actually happened to be, of course. So when she found herself hanging over the toilet, she couldn't help being both frustrated as well as disgusted.

"Y/N, are you ok?" Mary's voice came from the other side of the locked bathroom door. Y/N never locked the bathroom door – she feared she would get shut in and stuck during a fire – which happened more often than you would think (let's just say that Mary wasn't the best at cooking, or with fires). "Uhm... yeah, just-" She was interrupted by a second and hopefully last round of vomit. "Y/N?" "Yeah, I'm fine, just a sec, Mary!" Y/N was panicking. Y/N was throwing up. Y/N never threw up. "Y/N Y/L/N, I demand you to open this door before I get creepy Jack down the hall to kick this door open for me!" And that's how Y/N got herself in lockdown.

It was never fun to be at home, sick. Especially when one wasn't sick, but one's crazy overprotective roommate and best friend forced one to stay home because one acted a bit off and looked a bit pale in the morning. Y/N was currently in this situation. She didn't like it. At the moment she was walking around their apartment, feeling 100% good to go to work. "You look terrible today as well, Y/N, you're not going anywhere. I'm telling Mrs. Norman, so if I get a phone call that your toe has even touched the air of the other side of that door, you'll be dead," Mary had told her.

This was it, the last drop, she was done, finished, finito with staying home any longer. Y/N had just finished her third film of the day, and just laying there was getting her a migraine. 'OK, I'm going out! I'm a grown woman! A big girl, an independent girl! I can do whatever I want to! My best friend can't make me stay at home!' Y/N went for her purse and was ready to walk out the door, but as if Mary could read minds, Y/N's phone rung. "Hello?" Y/N sounded as chirpy as she could, feeling nervous as hell. "Hey, Y/N! Just wanted to make sure you haven't left!" Mary knew her better than anyone, and it was almost scaring Y/N a bit. Almost.

Three knocks on the door followed by the sound of a pair of keys, and then the door opened. The familiar squeak made its way to Y/N's ears as she laid on her bed in misery. "Hey, Y/N, are you alright?" It was Barry. 'Barry? Is he back home?' Y/N tried not to let her panic take overhand. Anger suddenly washed over her, if this was Mary's work, a certain brunette would be in deep trouble when she came back from work...

"Hey, I uh... I brought flowers," Barry's voice could be heard from the living room, and Y/N's mind was twisting and turning: Should she go on and play sick? It would certainly delay the awkward conversation that was bound to happen... Deciding it was her best option at the time, Y/N made out a weak cough, and answered her friend: "In here, Barry!" as sickly she could manage.

"Hi, how're you feeling?" Barry stepped inside carefully, as if the floor would cause her more pain. "I'm ok, my head hurts a bit, and I'm a bit nauseous," Y/N thought that her breasts being tender were a fact she didn't have to share. "Uhm..." looking as Barry's ears had just turned tomato red, Y/N scolded herself for saying her thoughts out loud.

"Mary told you to come here?" Y/N tried her best changing the subject quickly as well as keeping her act. "Uhm, no, heard it from Caitlin actually. She was.. uh... on the phone with Mary I think. She, uhm, she's a loud talker," "Caitlin or Mary?" "Both," the two laughed, Y/N throwing in a couple of coughs. When the laughing calmed down, and the tension started to grow, it was as if her guardian angel saved her, and Barry's phone rung. "Uhm, sorry, I have to go, Captain Singh needs me at the office..." "Yeah, of course, you just go and save the city by stirring in chemicals," her good-bye made him laugh as he made his way out the door in a hurry.

"Y/N?" Mary asked. They were currently sitting on the couch, eating pizza and watching How I Met Your Mother. "Yeah?" "Pee on this for me, will you? I think you're pregnant," the brunette said, throwing a box at Y/N – who were almost choking on her food. "Excuse me?!" "Just do it, it won't hurt, and you've been feeling bad for days. Now be quick and get it done already before I eat this up,"

"This is stupid," Y/N said. It turned out that Mary had seen the episode airing on TV "a thousand times", so they were now hovering over the white stick somewhat curious and excited. "Because I can't be pregnant... OH, MY GOD!” Y/N couldn’t believe it. It said positively. "Is it Barry's?" Mary broke the silence "What?!" "Well, you're obviously not Mother Teresa, and you're not the one to sleep around; I mean, I'm just tying up the loose ends..." "Oh my God, Mary, can we just not talk about this?! Please?" Y/N was still trying to cope with the fact that a living creature was growing inside her vagina. "Yeah, yeah of course..." And the night continued, Mary planning out how she would be the cool aunt of the unborn baby, and Y/N denying the scary fact that she would become a mother in roughly nine months.

"You need to tell him, Y/N," Mary said, looking at her best friend while trying her best not to tick off the ice cream-eating bipolar monster. 'I thought we agreed not to talk about this,' Was what Y/N wanted and meant to say, though because of the piece of heaven that was melting inside her mouth, it rather came out sounding more like: "Eh ohuph uh a-edh umph uh ahk a-ou es!" Mary, on the other hand, managed to translate the faded message by the clear look in Y/N's eyes. "That was three weeks ago," "Ugh!!" And the monster sunk her head in the pillows surrounding her, letting out a loud cry of frustration.

"What about Coby?" Y/N asked her friend. "Because Cody is too common for you?" Mary answered, still skimming through her magazine in the other end of the sofa. "I don't know, he just feels like a Coby," Y/N answered, looking down at er stomach – if she really just concentrated hard enough, she could see the little bump forming. "Yeah, you've just begun the first trimester, so sorry hun, but the kiddo doesn't even have a face, let alone a pair of good functionating lungs," "You're right, but what about Bia? Or Dory? What do you think about those?" Y/N asked, and at this, Mary set her Vouge away and looked her friend straight in the eyes.

"I think that if you want to name your child after a Pixar/Disney-cartoon fish, you better talk to the daddy..." "Yeah, Dory was a bit too creative maybe... How about Elza? Elza is cool, or Logan? He was always my favorite. Though Jess was also-" Y/N's attempt on ignoring her friend's change of topic failed hard when Mary interrupted her. "Y/N this is getting serious. You haven't even hung out with Barry much for the past weeks. Remember when you two couldn't stay away from each other for more than six hours? I remember that very well. I also remember him being your number one topic to talk about 24/7,"

She was right. Mary was right and Y/N knew it, though she couldn't help it! All she could think of when picturing their first real talk since the one four weeks ago was BABYBABYBABY. Imagine how stressed he would be? He made one mistake, and now he was forced into a huge commitment. In addition to that, this was not what Y/N wanted herself. She wanted to get kids with the man in her life. And currently, that was her dad, considering her status on Facebook was still remaining 'single'.

"But how Mary? How do I confront him with this? He's going to be a dad! And when I tell him, he will have two options: A, to agree to all terms and conditions, to become a dad and parent with me, or he can B, politely decline and leave my life forever! Mary, I can't bear a life without him!" She hadn't even realized the tears running down her cheeks before now. "He won't leave you, do you hear me? He will never ever leave you," Mary tried her best reassuring her friend, patting Y/Non the head while whispering soft comforting words.

"You know, having a pregnant roommate is way more expensive than you would think," Mary came in the door with four bags full of food. "Yeah, yeah, where's the pickles?" Y/N asked frantically, to which Mary gave her one of the bags. "I mean, not only does it drench your wallet, but also your mentality. Here you go by the way, bought eleven jars, just for you," Y/N went for it, and opened the first one in sight. But just as she was about to open the lid and down all of the juice like she had done for the now empty seven jars in their fridge, she stopped. "Yuck, how disgusting is this? Do we have any chocolate?" “Like I said, drenching my wallet and mentality...” Mary said looking up to the roof, shaking her head.

Y/N was currently in her thirteenth week, and her clothing style had changed drastically for a couple of weeks. 'They are meant for comfort and coverage,' she had told Mary when her friend had commented that she couldn't leave the apartment in 'the biggest sweatshirt in the building' and her pajama pants. So you could imagine Barry's shock when he not only saw his once best friend and crush clothed in uncharacteristically clothing but also for the first time in months. How Y/N had managed to avoid him for that long?

Y/N laid in her bed, computer on her lap, popcorn within her hand's reach, and sipping on a coke. Her mind was parallelled set on the kittens in the video she was watching, and how cool it would be when her stomach finally would grow to a proper, usable size AKA when she could drop the coffee table in the living room, and do a Phoebe Buffay.

Interrupting her thoughts, her phone started ringing, leaving her annoyed as she had to pause her YouTube-watching. "Hello?" She said unaware of whom it wa son the other side of the line. "Hey Y/N/N, just wondering where you-" It wasBarry. Her Barry. What was she to do?! "Sorry, wrong number," Y/N said in the deepest voice she could muster, as she quickly hung up on the poor, oblivion guy.

Though that wasn’t it, Y/N really was creative with her avoiding methods. She needed to go to the store? She asked Mary. Mary said no? She asked Mrs. Norman. Mary figured that out, got mad at her, and told Mrs. Norman not to worry about it? Y/N asked creepy Jack down the hall, whom she knew Mary wouldn’t dare to talk to. But how about her job? In addition to having a feminist extremist as a boss, Y/N was a writer for a magazine. So simply explaining her situation, adding a couple of white lies, and finishing with a strong apology with a touch of ‘I promise to work twice as hard at home,’ Y/N was off the hook.

But just as any hormonal pregnant woman, Y/N got enough of her hiding – it should be him hiding, not her! To this Mary had told her that Barry didn’t have the knowledge to why he had to hide (which apparently, Mary didn’t have either) and she was being ‘irrational and not herself,’ which Y/N obviously ignored. Hence why she left their home to get the right chocolate milk, because creepy Jack simply didn’t do the job properly.

"Y/N? Is that you?" Barry couldn't be too careful when it came to assuming – let's just say this wasn't the first time he had "seen" Y/N in public. Though at the mention of her name, Y/N turned to see who had said her name. Her eyes locked into his for mere seconds before Y/N turned away in hope her invisibility powers would quickly appear and hide her. Such a pity Y/N wasn't a meta...

"It is you!" Barry jogged up to her. Great, what was she to do now? "Hi...!" Y/N answered back, holding her basket with milk in a tight grip. "How've you been? I haven't heard anything from you for so long..." Barry said, just standing there in front of the girl he loved. "Uhm, a bit ill actually... Yeah, that's why I haven't had the time to hang out," quite happy about her explanation, Y/N stood there ready to go.

"For three months?" Barry asked, not completely convinced. "Yeah," Y/n faked a cough, "really bad flu," "I see, well, do you want to grab dinner Friday?" "Friday? As in now Friday? in three days?" Barry nodded, and Y/N shut her eyes as if she had to think of her plans for the rest of the week. 'Should I say yes? It would be quite suspicious if I told him no... But he will know! On the other hand, Big Belly Burger does sound tempting...' "Big Belly Burger?" Y/N asked with a smile on her face, which Barry gladly returned. "Yeah! Good, I'll pick you up at six," Barry winked at her, then left. 'What have I gotten myself into?'

"This is good, Y/N! Now you can finally tell him!" Mary said, proud of the maturity her friend was showing. "Telling him? Are you kidding, I'm not gonna tell him anything! We're just grabbing some burgers..." Y/N defended herself. Wouldn't that be scandalous, her telling him? He would flee the country to just get away from her. "You're not serious now, are you?" When Y/N didn't answer her, Mary took a deep sigh. "You are aware of that you're pushing him away from you, right? Because that's why you don't want to tell him because you don't want to lose him? So I'd use some more time to think before you just go on your date-" "It's not a date!" "- later today, and keep your secret safe," Mary finished and left the room for Y/N to remake her decision.

It had taken her blood, sweat, and tears – literally, but Mary finally made Y/N agree to tell Barry about her pregnancy. But after a brutal paper cut, an intense discussion, and while following the DVD-aerobic-instructor, Mary argued her way to victory, Y/N left their apartment in defeat.

Walking next to Barry, Y/N started to regret her choice of clothes – no scratch that, Mary's choice of clothes. Because Y/N was supposed to tell Barry she was pregnant anyway, and 'It's a date for fuck's sake, and you like him, you might as well dress proper!' So there she was. Next to the guy she loved, feeling more insecure about her body as ever, in hope Barry hadn't noticed. And even though he didn't show it, Barry did notice. But the thought of her being pregnant? That hadn't nor ever would've crossed his mind.

"God, I'm hungry... Haven't eaten since lunch, how 'bout you?" Barry asked, not really sure of what to say. The conversation usually came naturally between the two of them. "Starving," Y/N said, but kept out the fact that she ate an hour ago. "I could seriously eat a horse, or maybe even the whole team, when I think of it," she finished, and made Barry laugh. "A whole team of horses?" He asked with a smile, to which Y/N chortled at. "Yes!" "I don't believe you..." Barry said playfully, loving the feeling of the normality between him and the Y/H/C girl. "Bartholomew Henry Allen, you've officially been challenged to a duel," Y/N said in the stiffest voice she could muster. "A burger-eating contest?" "Well, if you want it to sound dull, so yeah..."

“Oh Holy Moses...” Y/N sighed and rubbed her stomach. In front of her was a grinning Barry Allen, and five un-eaten 500g-Double cheese-bacon-burger with sweet potato fries. "Told you you'd lose, though I'm impressed, not many can keep up with a speedster," "Trust me, it's not that difficult when you're eating for two!" Y/N said with a laugh, but it quickly stopped when she saw the look on his face. It was a good mixture of shock... shock... and more... shock.

"Uhm... Uh... yeah, I'm uh... I'm pregnant... Sur-surprise?" Y/N had never been this nervous ever. "You're pregnant?" Barry couldn't believe it. Who was the father? For how many months? Why hadn't she told him before? Was this the reason she hadn't talked to him for so long? However, he decided to keep those questions for himself, afraid of the answers – especially the first one, hadn't he meant anything for her? "Uhm, yeah... Due date's 4th of April,"

"Who knows?" He asked again, "... is the father aware?" He finished. "Mary and you are the only ones. Mom and dad are kind of still in the dark..." Y/N felt ashamed saying it out loud. "Ok, well, how are you feeling about it?" He asked, his concern warming Y/N's heart. She was so sure this would have ended completely different – hell she had cut off all contact for three months, and she'd continued if it hadn't been for their random encounter at the supermarket. "It was hard to cope with in the beginning, though I've grown fond of the little creature," "I just want you to know that I'm not leaving your side anytime from this moment, Y/N. You're stuck with me, and there's nothing you can do about it."

ϟϟϟϟϟ

#Barry Allen #barry allen imagine #barry allen au #barry allen imagines #The Flash #the flash imagines #the flash imagine #the flash au #grant gustin #grant gustin imagines #grant gustin imagine #grant gustin one shot #grant gustin au #barry allen x reader #the flash x reader

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miniladdy22 · 7 years

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Quietly Burning

A prologue with multiple parts, and a start of something different. Definitely something I didn't expect myself to actually write, let alone publish.

Think about this: This story has mentions of past abuse, past self-harm, past suicide attempt, panic attacks, as well as vampires. This means there are mentions of blood, murder, attempted murder, kidnapping, biting, and violent scenes with blood and gore. If any of these or upcoming chapters with appropriate warnings will trigger you in any way, shape, or form, no matter how poorly written it is, take extreme caution while reading.

This is an experiment. I'm trying to jump back into writing as much as I can before school starts again. It's an experiment to try out a different writing style, sort of. Or something. Ye.

I have other stuff, but I dont jnow that BBS fans would be a big fan of UT stuff. Either way, thanks for reading, and as always, I hope ye enjoy.

Summary

Craig had a life where no one thought much of him. He was just there as an emotional punching bag.

But moving to California to escape his family and a clingy, abusive boyfriend and meet an internet friend may have been his worst and best decision yet.

He meets so many new people, and is tugged and secured into a new family who loves him unconditionally. He starts a new life with his new love and he couldn't be happier.

They're only request is for him to keep their secret and, well, how can he say no to that?

The problem is, is the secret itself. You would expect a family of vampires would freak him out, but it's the hell fire that made him rethink his choices.

Leaving 0.1

"So when does your flight leave?" A voice over a Skype call asked, watching as a cute boy shoved clothes into a suitcase.

"Tonight, around midnight," Craig answered, grunting as he struggled to zip the suitcase close. "God dammit-" The voice laughed at him. "Don't laugh, you dick! It's really full!!"

"It's hilarious to see your stupid ass struggle with a fucking suitcase, of all things."

"Shut the fuck up, Tyler." Craig laughed with him, nonetheless.

Tyler glanced at the clock at the bottom of his screen. "So it's, like... what, 8:00 PM for you?"

"8:30, yeah." Craig grunted one last time as he finally closed his last suitcase. He slumped into his computer chair, glancing around his empty room. Most of his things were sold or tossed. He was bringing a suitcase of clothes and his computer stuff, which he still needed to pack.

Tyler smiled. "You gonna get some sleep before then?"

"I-" A notification popped up on his computer. After reading it, Craig sighed.

"What?"

"It's James."

"That dickwad again?" Tyler made a face, clearly displeased.

"He's taking all of this hard. He wants to talk again tonight."

"You gonna humor him?"

"Might as well." Craig sighed, and typed a message back. They began to argue back and forth. Tyler could clearly tell Craig was distressed over it.

"Dude, just ignore him. He isn't worth your time."

Craig was silent for a moment. He groaned and dropped his head on his desk. "I can't. He's outside my house."

"Right fucking now? Are you fucking kidding m-"

"CRAIG. JAMES IS OUTSIDE. GET DOWN HERE! NOW!!"

Craig looked up at Tyler, dreading every bit of what was to come next.

"Four hours, not four days."

"God I hope so," Craig mumbled, rubbing his eyes. "I'll text you later, Ty."

"Let me know how it all goes, 'kay?"

"Sure thing." Craig gave him a tired smile before ending the call.

"CRAIG!?"

Craig sighed, rubbing his face. "COMING!"

~*~*~*~*~

Airport 0.2

**If you want to read Craig's conversation with Tyler, you can read it on Tap, unless it still isn't working, then I'll make a separate book for texts. This is just so people don't have to bother with texts if they don't care about them. If you don't read the texts or don't have access to Tap, you won't miss much. Now this may be a really stupid thing, but as you'll find out in the fourth part, this us experimently. Thanks for your time, enjoy the second part.

Craig shoved his suitcase into the backseat, closing the door with a tired sigh. James looked at him, concern on his face. "I really don't think you leaving is the best idea, honey..."

Craig looked at him, tired, before getting in the passenger seat. "It's exactly what I need if I want to be a game designer."

James slid into the driver's seat, sighing, "I know, but is that what you really want?"

"My answer is the same as it was an hour ago: Yes." James sighed for the umpteenth time, and started the car. "I have a life and a job I want to pursue. Why aren't you happy I'm doing something I love?" He said nothing, so Craig remained quiet as he pulled out of the driveway.

On their way to the airport, Craig got a message from Tyler. He talked to him for a little while, ignoring how James looked over at him constantly. Craig knew James was jealous of the attention Tyler got, even though James had no idea who Tyler was, but it was something he was just going to have to get over.

But, knowing him, he would bug him about it until he got what he wanted.

"Who are you talking to?" James questioned, letting his eyes slip over to Craig.

"I'm letting Tyler know we're on our way to the airport, and reaffirming the time he'll be at the airport to pick me up in the next twelve hours." Craig continued to type away on his phone. Really, he was telling Tyler about the hour long debate he had with James, and how ridiculous he was being about him leaving. Craig was so utterly annoyed with James, he was dreading the next half hour of driving.

"... oh."

Another moment of silence before James pestered him again. "What are you talking about now?"

"Mom messaged me."

"Oh..."

More silence.

"What if this guy isn't who you think he is? What if he's a bad person? What if this was a mistake?"

"I've known him for almost two years, James. And it was my idea to move, not his. He just offered his place to me until I could get my own." Craig was really, really trying to be patient. He really was.

James didn't say anything after that, and for that, Craig was grateful. By the time they got to the airport, it was a quarter after 11:00 PM. James helped him carry his things inside. They found where Craig's plane would be leaving when James stopped him with tears in his eyes.

His voice broke as he spoke, "Craig... I don't want to lose you. You're everything to me, you're all I have..." Craig's vision blurred, and his heart clenched painfully. "Please, please don't go..."

Craig kept his eyes on the ground, guilt creeping into his mind. What if this was a bad idea? What if it turned out badly? Maybe James was right, maybe he needed to stay here...

"... You always say that..." Craig's voice was soft. He was afraid if he spoke any louder, he would cave in on himself. "You always say I'm everything to you and everything you have and... and yet every time, it ends with me bruised, and broken, and you're happy as can be..."

"Craig..."

"You can't... You can't guilt trip me into staying, James. You...don't control what I do and say. It was never something you were meant to do and..." And yet you did it anyway. Repeatedly. All the time. And it terrifies me to stay here longer than I need to. "...I loved you once. I don't feel the same anymore."

They were both quiet for a while. Craig was afraid to look up and see the painful expression of his ex. He kept his cool when James stepped forward and hugged him. He gasped when James tightened his hold and whispered into his ear. The words sent shivers down his spine, and froze him to the bone. James pulled away and walked past him, leaving Craig panting, wide-eyed.

He collected himself and quickly dragged his suitcases behind him.

~*~*~*~*~

Flight, Tyler 0.3

*If you want to see their texts, refer to Quietly Burning Messages on Tap, unless it isn't working, then refer to QBM here on Wattpad. There are two different scenes where they text.

On the plane, five minutes before takeoff, Craig was telling Tyler about what happened before James left. His stomach was turning, he felt lightheaded and sick to his stomach. He wanted to cry, but he refused to disturb the annoyed male next to him.

The conversation came to an abrupt end when the plane was about to take off. They bid each other goodbye as a flight attendant asked him, once more, to put his phone away.

The flight went by quickly. His anxiety had exhausted him, thus letting him fall asleep quickly. He jolted awake as the plane landed. He blinked rapidly, rubbing his face and discovering he had drool on the corner of his mouth. Gross.

Getting off the plane was easy. Finding his suitcases? Not so much. He was smart, and tied a brightly colored piece of cloth to the handle of each bag, but they took forever to come around. Once they did, Craig found the nearest seats and stole one, getting out his phone and turning it on. He yawned quietly, rubbing his eye as the screen blinked to life. He had a few goofy texts from Tyler, which made him smile brightly. The conversed back and forth for a small while. Excitement flowed through him when Tyler said he was looking for him. He was about to reply when someone plucked his phone out of his hands.

"What the-" Craig looked at the thief, annoyed and confused as hell, but it all disappeared with a grin. He stood and tackled Tyler with a hug, squeezing the life out of him. Tyler didn't seem to mind, as he laughed and hugged back, making him feel secure and safe. "Finally."

"Yeah, no kidding?" They pulled away, and grinned at each other. "I don't think I've properly introduce myself. I'm Tyler." Tyler returned his phone, and shook Craig's hand.

"I'm Craig." Craig was giddy with happiness and excitement.

"Ready to get settled in?"

"I will be when I get coffee in my system and oh my god you got me coffee." Tyler laughed, holding the large cup out to him. Craig was quick to burn the top of his mouth. He moaned quietly, "holy shit you even got what I like."

"Told you 20 questions wasn't stupid."

"You're a saint, bless you."

Tyler laughed, grabbing Craig's bag and slinging it over his shoulder, then getting a hold of all of his suitcases. He struggled for a moment,"Jesus Christ, I don't know how you managed this."

"Sheer will and determination, my good friend." Craig watched as he struggled a little more,frowning. "Here, let me-"

Tyler slapped his hand. "No. I can do it, I got it. Let's get you out of here and into a restaurant. I'm thinking takeout, what do you say?"

Craig beamed. "Tyler I could marry you. Yes please."

They made a beeline towards the exit, food on their minds and coffee in their systems. By the time they reached the doors, Craig was finished with his coffee and had tossed the cup in the trash.

"Damn."

"Thank you." Craig reached for his suitcases. "Let me-"

"-Nope, I'll put these in the back. Go sit your pretty ass down and relax. Post-flights suck balls, it's going to be hell for you for the next few days, so it's my job, as your loving host, to make it as great as possible."

Craig dropped his hand and laughed, shaking his head. "Dunno what I did to deserve a friend like you, Ty."

Tyler froze a moment, but he quickly came back with, "With the shit you've been through? You deserve the entire world and more," as he shoved Craig's luggage into the back of his trunk. He missed the shocked look on Craig's face, and the blush that accompanied it. Craig quickly climbed into the passenger seat, and his stomach grumbled at him. Once Tyler was in the truck, they buckled up and headed out to stuff their faces.

~*~*~*~*~

New Home 0.4 (my personal favorite of these four)

"This smells like heaven."

"It tastes even better." Tyler laughed at him as Craig shoved his nose into the plastic takeout bag, inhaling the godly smell through his nose and groaning.

After they ordered and picked up their food, Tyler drove them back to his apartment to dig into the glorious takeout and get Craig settled into his new home. As they pulled up to his place, Tyler glanced over at Craig. "It's Thursday, right?"

Craig looked at him, curiously, "Yeah? Why?"

Tyler nodded, more to himself, and got out of the truck. "I'll tell you over food. Let's get you inside, first." Craig couldn't agree more.

Once inside, Tyler set two of Craig's suitcases behind a couch and took the food from Craig. Craig set his duffel and small suitcase next to his other stuff, and took a moment to look around Tyler's place. It surprised him how well kept everything was, and how big and expensive it all looked. It made him feel slightly out of place, like he asked too much to stay in a place like this. The part of him that believed, from the beginning, that he didn't belong here and he didn't deserve to be here was slowly growing larger.

"Hey." Tyler grabbed Craig's attention away from his wandering thoughts. "Food is gonna get cold with all that thinking you're doing. Get over here and stuff your face with me." He smirked when Craig laughed, noticing how he gave in and relaxed.

They sat down at the table, and dug in.

"You weren't fucking kidding, holy shit," Craig mumbled in between bites.

"Right? Best shit around."

They ate in silence for a while enjoying the flavors they shoved down their throats.

"So." Tyler swallowed. "Was the flight okay?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah, I slept through it all. I was pretty exhausted after, uh, the thing."

Tyler twirled his fork, eyeing Craig. "Right. Sleep okay?"

"Dreamless and quick, which I'm happy about." Craig pointed his fork at Tyler, "What was that earlier about today being Thursday?"

"Oh yeah. I have a thing planned Saturday. I'm meeting up with family at a bar around 8:00. You feeling up to that?"

Craig chewed his food slowly for a moment. "Like... Meet your family?"

"Yeah. Well- they're not blood family, but they're the best family i could ask for."

It never crossed Craig's mind that he knew nothing about Tyler's family. Hesitantly, he asked, "Oh, so not your parents or anything?"

Tyler's shoveling of food slowed for a moment. "Uh, no. No parents."

Shit, did I mess something up? "Oh... Sorry, um... what happened?"

Tyler glanced over at Craig, who was quietly scraping his food into a pile. He smiled, "It's a long story I'll have to tell you another time."

Craig kicked himself, feeling terrible. "Oh, okay, s-sorry, I didn't mean t-"

"Hey, it's cool. Not upset over it."

They finished up their meal, Tyler breaking the thin ice they were treading on by nudging him and asking if he wanted to play COD. Craig's face lit up like a Christmas tree, and it was the most adorable thing Tyler has ever seen (well, no, it actually isn't. He's seen Craig get angry over hiccups, and get flustered by an onslaught of compliments Tyler tossed his way, when they first video called).

Within the next ten minutes, they were shouting at each other and elbowing each other to get the other to fuck up. The switched back and forth between zombies and multiplayer, having the best first night they could ever ask for. By the time Craig began to tire, it was almost 3 AM.

"Shit, I didn't mean to keep you up so late, man," Craig yawned as Tyler stretched. "Sorry."

"Nah, it's all good. Not tired yet anyway."

"But tired of COD?"

"Hell yeah." Craig laughed, shutting down the console and putting the controllers on charge. When he was finished, he turned to look at Tyler, only to find him opening a glass door to a balcony. Tyler glanced back, and smiled. Craig couldn't help but smile back, his cheeks burning. Tyler stepped into the chilly morning, and leaned against the stone, staring out into the city. Quietly as he could manage, Craig joined him, grabbing a blanket from the couch and wrapping it around both of them.

They were quiet for a while, just watching the city as it went on with its busy self. They shared the blanket, shoulders pressed against each other. It was quiet where they were, but if you listened hard enough, you could hear sirens and city noise coming from the cluster of lights on the ground.

"I bet the sky is gorgeous back in Ireland," Tyler whispered, looking at the almost black sky.

"You don't see views like this," Craig said quietly, eyes on the city.

They enjoyed their sights, content with the silence between them. A thought crossed Craig's mind at random, almost startling him.

"...Ty?"

"Hmm."

"Did...you mean what you said?" A pause. "I know it was a bit ago, l-like a week or more? But, u-um..."

Tyler looked at Craig, surprised. His focus was on the city, his eyes darting back and forth. "Of course," Tyler said, quietly. "Every word." Craig couldn't help but smile, and laugh a little. Tyler looked at him, smiling despite his confusion, "What's so funny?"

Craig met his gaze. Tyler had done so much for him over the past two years. He was everything he needed when no one else was there. When his parents gave him hell for wanting to design games, Tyler praised him and encouraged him with love a parent should give. When high school kicked his ass and pushed him around, Tyler helped him up and smiled, and joked and laughed until Craig forgot his problems. When James took control over his life and abused his health, Tyler gave him choices, and comfort, and a way out.

Craig broke out of his thoughts when Tyler touched his cheek, concerned. Craig's eyes burned, and his chest felt tight. "Hey... hey, what's wrong?"

Suddenly overwhelmed with emotions, tears spilled down his face. He stumbled over his words to try and explain what he was feeling, "I just. It-It doesn't- I don't- wh-what did I do to deserve you-ou, I-I- I don't und-derstand, I-I-" His shoulders were shaking and his chest heaved and hitched as he sobbed quietly and covered his face.

Tyler was there, as he always was when Craig was having a break down, whispering comforting words into his ear, "Hey, hey..it's okay. You deserve the world, Mini, all of it and so much more." It was different this time, because he wasn't whispering to him through a pair of ear buds. Tyler could wrap his arms around him and let him rest his head on his shoulder, rub his back and shush him gently as he sobbed and sobbed and sobbed into the gross mess he knew he was. It was different, he felt secure and safe and away from everything he grew up with and he was so utterly relieved that he couldn't help but grip his t-shirt and pour his heart out into the open air around him.

Craig told Tyler just how happy he was. He told him how safe he felt and how relieved he was, how sorry he was for everything and how he wished he moved sooner. He told him he loved him, too, and how he felt as if he didn't deserve the whole world and more. He soaked his shirt with tears, and apologized more than once. Craig told him he couldn't bring himself to let go of him because he was afraid he would wake up and Tyler would be gone. And it terrified him, because he didn't want to go back.

And Tyler was there, gently rubbing his back and listening to every word he said. And he made some joke about not getting a refund on his ticket, and it made Craig laugh wetly, but laugh nonetheless. And he was there, and he was real.

And Craig was finally safe.

End of Prologue.

#Quietly Burning #wink wonk bink bonk here comes my dink donk #poly!bbs #refer to top of the post for warning tags #those are important #thank you for reading <3 #(if you even did anyway)

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sun-avenue · 5 years

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shot.tales.//0.1.

2019. NAZ.

“Seven years after everything that happened between us, the only thing I still expected from you was closure. Not an apology, not even a drunk text message at 2AM saying how much I was missed; just an ending. Unfortunately, for both of us, there wasn’t even a proper beginning to start with – so I think asking for a proper ending would be asking for too much. Didn’t make me want it any less, though.

If stares could kill, you would be dead by now. I glued my eyes on the back of your head, completely unaware of the real world around me. Your dark locks were up in meticulously arranged in a bun, tied up together with a fancy hair clip, allowing your bare shoulders to make a rare appearance in a dress that fitted you too well. Strong shoulders, the ones that you used to hate as a consequence of years of swimming. Shoulders I used to love to cry on. Do you still not like them? Would I still feel safe with my head against them? I haven’t wondered about all that for awhile now, but seeing you in front of me, so close, yet so far, brought it all back - like a cold wave on a late-night walk on the beach.

People around us were still making small talk. Cheers were beginning to sound way too loud for a classy event like that. But I wasn’t hearing a thing. After all this time, that girl three tables away still had the power to invade my memories and make me remember everything I had been trying to forget. It also made me regret all my decisions in the past years. That was the type of vulnerability I didn’t want to deal with – not here, not right now. It wasn’t enough to make me look away. God, it wasn’t even enough to make me feel sorry about myself and just get out of there before you could actually see me. I wondered what would take for me to actually give up and just forget.

You still look the same. Of course I would notice that, even though the back of your head was all that I could see from that far. I knew that head - and all the rest of the body that sustained it - all too well. Honestly, I think I will never be able to forget one single detail, doesn’t matter how much I try. I also notice the way your bright yellow dress hugs your curves just right, like a modern live-action version of Belle before dancing with the Beast. I wished I could tell you that the shining color of your dress matches your personality. I still can’t see your face, but I bet all my money that your big brown-greenish eyes are sparkling with glitter, and your full, drawn-by-hand lips are painted in a pastel shade of pink. Maybe you were too predictable. But maybe I just knew everything about you that was possible to be known.”

People started to clap again and I was forced back to the real world - a world that didn’t look real at all. Two seconds ago it was just me and her all over again, but now old men were dressed in Armani suits and rich ladies walking around with giant diamonds around their necks like it wasn’t no big deal. The few I had on my own wrist sparkling brighter than the limelight on the stage in front of me made sure to let me know that maybe it really wasn’t.

I looked up for the firme time in what felt like forever.

“Are you even trying to be lowkey?” the blonde woman right beside me asked.

I happened to call the said blonde as best friend, but her name was Bela. Also known was my personal assistant, which was a win-win situation for me & me again, cause I had the chance to pay my best friend to approve my whole life before I even had the chance and that was fine for both of us. Tabloids loved to make us look like a good-looking young couple - couple as in lovers and completely not platonic -, which got worse with the open letter I put out there for the whole world to read about my sexuality. It wasn’t anyone’s business, but God, if felt good to scream it to everyone. Disclaimer: no, we weren’t together and never have been. As Bela makes sure to mention every once in awhile, “you’re cute and everything, but we’re not even each others’ type”. Nevertheless, Bela was a leo (and also an astrology slut, her words, not mine), meaning she absolutely loved the spotlight and paparazzis screaming her name in red carpets. Bonus points if they were able to capture her good angle, which was the left side of her roundish pretty face.

“I am not. But thanks for asking.” I replied in a low voice, careful not to bring attention to us. We were, after all, seated in a table filled with a lot of famous, important people. And I trusted none of them.

“Aw, babe.” Bela linked our hands and gave me a sweet smile. She was way more comfortable with displays of affection than I was, but I kept my fingers enlaced in hers either way. After years spinning around in our own little dance, we knew how to work around each other. As the blonde liked to say, “we knew how to tango”. “It’s a charity dinner. Stop pining over your ex-girlfriend and start suffering for poor, starving children. You know, just for a change.”

I rolled my eyes in annoyance. Yes, I was definitely pinning. No, I was not about to confess that. “I do feel for the starving children, that’s why I’ve donated a good amount of money and helped organizing the event. And she’s not my ex-girlfriend.”

“Well, she’s your ex-something.” Bela said, putting my red bangs behind my left ear. It wasn’t even part of the job - she just liked taking care of me like I was a doll. It felt a little patronizing sometimes but it was nice being taken care of by someone, so I just probably give her a raise instead.

I did not give her an answer; both of us knew she was right.

Only five seconds had passed when she tried again.

“Ok, now I’m serious. Are you alright? It’s been awhile. Since the last time, I mean.” I looked into her eyes, face-to-face with the friend that had my back so many times, and I could tell the loving but worrying look in her eyes was pretty genuine. Bela was a loud, ego-maniac, crazy latina woman – but her number one priority in this life was to make those she loved happy. Luckily, I was one of a few.

I breathed in deep enough to smell the chicken salad in my plate right in front of me.

“It’s fine. I mean, Hollywood is a small place. We just happened to choose the same event just this once. It’s a mistake that only happens once in a lifetime. She’s probably here because she didn’t know I was coming. It’s fine.” I rambled, as if the faster I talked higher the possibility of believing my own words. “She’s only here to help starving kids.”

Bela, as usual, was having none of it.

“Yeah. Maybe she is.” With one last meaningful stare, Bela backed off and grabbed her glass of champagne, having a sip. It was irritating how I just knew she was trying to replicate one of those obnoxious memes that she’d learned while stalking fan accounts on Twitter (“it’s a whole world, Naz, you should check it out!”). It was annoying because she had a fair point - and I knew that without having to ask. Not only I was the one who helped organizing the event, I was also its ambassador. Everyone knew I would be here. Every single guest in the room deliberately chose to be here with her.

I was just about to return to my meal with a awesome plan of ignoring a almost anxiety attack with food when I noticed someone three tables away was staring at me, too.

For the fraction of a second that our eyes met, I was sure I was having a heart attack. Thank fuck I was an actress. A very-good-in-hiding-her-feelings one. So just like all those times before, I pretended to see nothing, notice nothing and feel nothing. Suddenly the salad chicken in my plate looked delicious.

2012. PIPA.

“No, wait – sorry. No. Stop.”

The pianist abruptly paused mid-song, leaving the chords to fade on their own. Two girls from the backing vocal group shared a meaningful, annoyed look; but just like the last three interruptions before this one, they chose to say nothing.

I sighed. That morning was already longer than I expected it to be. My eyes burned, my back was sore from countless hours sitting in that ridiculous chair and, as the fat cherry on top of the cake, my head buzzed in pain just like a grenade about to explode.

David looked at me, his green eyes darker in frustration. He said nothing, but I could hear him screaming “what now?” telepathically to me. I had lots of experience working with egocentric directors: they demanded 32 hours of your day out of the 24 God gave you, they yelled at your face in front of the actors and, as I recalled so well, they would even compare your work to the pizza from the day before now rotting in the trash can. David was a difficult human being to understand - always annoyed, always expecting perfection from things that simply were not supposed to be perfect -, but he wasn't like that at all. He wasn’t one of them. However, right at that moment, when I deliberately interrupted the performance one more time, David looked at me like he was dying to throw me and my stuff in the dumpster outside across the street.

“It wasn’t right. I’m sorry, it just wasn’t.” I finally said. I could feel a defeated aura expressed all over my body.

David looked at me for a second but said nothing. With a wave of his hand, the stage manager understood that it was best for everyone to just take five. Mike, the bald guy responsible to keep everyone in sight (or, at this case, out of sight), worked fast to disappear with the backing vocal singers and the musicians. They all probably went outside to gossip about my instability, just like they had done since 8AM this morning. I pretended not to care.

David was left alone with me for the first time since we arrived. “What is going on? Will you please let me finish my very much needed rehearsal before I turn 80?”

I crossed my arms against my body.

“Oh, please. It’s hardly a rehearsal. We don’t even have proper actores yet.”

“We would have them by now if you did your damn job!”

Something about the way he raised his voice made my headache worse in mere seconds, but I could not be bothered to care. I was used to working for people who loved to yell at me for no reason.

I gave him a burning look in return, which he didn’t seem to care. My voice remained low as I finally confessed: “The song is terrible.”

He raised his eyebrows, confusion all over his face. “It’s your song.”

I rolled my eyes, suddenly remembering how uncomfortable that chair was. Rising up, I turned my back to him. It was humiliating telling your own boss that your job was absolutely crap.

“I know it’s my song. That’s how I know it’s shit.”

David sighed. Not in annoyance - it was something else. I turned to look at him. He seemed… worried. Understanding, even.

“Pipa. I wouldn’t have contacted you for this job if I didn’t think you were capable of delivering what I want. Trust me, I am very picky. However, I picked you.” He paused for a moment to get closer. “The song is fine. Sure, it can be better, but you have time to get it right. So. Swallow this shitty imposter syndrome and let’s do this, together.” He focused in the last words while grabbing me by the shoulders, shaking me ever so slightly.

His words calmed me down a little, but I remained skeptical.

“Well, if it’s not the song it’s definitely the singers. Nevertheless, it isn’t working the way it is right now. We need the real deal.”

He let me go but stayed close to me.

“Casting takes time - you know how producers work. It’s Broadway, for Christ's sakes. They are still deliberating if they want a nobody or a Hollywood star. Why don’t you just get out of your head and trust me to choose someone… espectacular... to sing your lyrics? Huh?”

I narrowed my eyes at him. He pouted. There was something funny about seeing a grown man pouting at you. Especially if he held a facade to everyone, pretending to be the biggest jerk of a boss ever, with no feelings whatsoever. It was interesting, to say the least, to realized he wasn’t like that at all. At least not with me.

I laughed for the first time that morning, pushing my glasses up to my hair.

“Alright.” As the crew entered the room again, ready to try the song just one more time, hoping and praying I would be satisfied this time, I came close to David’s ear to confide at him: “But if Vicky fuck up that note again I’m gonna kill her and then myself and then come back for you.”

David kept his eyes at me while going to the director’s chair to be seated again. He smiled silently when the pianist played the first note one more time and Vicky opened her mouth to sing the words I wrote.

#writing #fictional #short story #free writing #why do i always come back for you two huh #naz & pipa #track ds

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pinkstarbeam · 7 years

Text

Pidgance Ice Cream Au!

As someone who works in ice cream/ fast food I felt compelled to write this.

Lance works at an ice cream shop kinda like one out of fifties pharmacy called Voltron, he doesn’t hate his job, it’s actually quite fun at times, but it’s at the end of the day still a job.

Hunk, Keith, Allura and Shiro also work there with him. Lord help the souls that come in when Keith and Lance have to work the counter together.

One day Matt, Shiro’s boyfriend, comes in with his little sister Katie AKA Pidge who everyone, but Lance has met

Lance is cleaning off one of mixers when he hears all his coworkers greeting someone named Katie

Turning to see who took a seat at the bar he is speechless as his blue eyes lay on the sandy haired beaut with honey eyes as she laughs at something.

All workmanship and training goes out the window as he can’t even fathom a sentence let alone move

Shiro noticing this quickly takes over and takes his boyfriend’s order then Katie’s before handing it to Lance

“Two chocolate shakes, one extra thick.”

“R-Right!”

Lance tries his absolute best to make the most amazing shake ever, but ends up over filling the glass and slings chocolate milky ice mess all over the back counter

Katie holds back a laugh, but a snort escapes as Lance yelps in surprise

Lance apologizes profusely, Katie assures him it’s alright.

When they get their shakes and Lance finishes cleaning up his mess he begins to talk with Katie whilst cleaning some glasses

“Do you live around here?”

“Yeah, i’m a sophomore at Altea High.”

This boy nearly drops the glass. How the hell had he missed her?! Granted he was a junior, but still!

“Oh really? I’m a junior.”

“Oh I know! Hunk talks about you.”

Help him, she knew about him, but exactly what? Good things he hoped or more so prayed because if not he was gonna have to talk to Hunk.

“Good things I hope.”

Katie just smiles and sips her milkshake

HELP

HIM

That Monday at school he IMMEDIATELY spots her walk in with Keith of all people, Lance goes from happy to salty in like 0.1 seconds.

He hurries over

“Hey Kaite!....Keith.”

Keith just rolls his eyes before ruffling Katie’s hair

“See you at lunch Pidge.” he says walking off.

Lance is even more jealous now and also confused

“Pidge?’

“Nickname. My first word was pidgeon, but before I managed to say the full word i’d say Pidge and so Matt nicknamed me Pidge and it’s stuck.”.

“How does Keith know the nickname?”

“We grew up together! His brother is dating mine after all.”

Now it made sense! And here lance was thought a girl was actually into Keith

At lunch like Keith said he was with Katie and Lance felt his jealousy return, rather than sitting with Hunk and his girlfriend Shay like usual he made a B line for the table that Katie, Keith, Matt, and Shiro sat at.

“Can I sit with you guys?”

The group other than Keith nodded.

Lance took the seat on the other side of Katie

He joined in on their conversation and learnt that Katie was very much so into space exploration and aliens which he found adorable, but the bomb that was dropped was that this tiny beautiful girl was a hacker of all things.

“She once hacked into the white house cameras for fun!” Matt said taking a bite of a chicken strip

“You did what?!” Lance gaped.

Katie fanned her hand in front of her face “Any numbskull with basic knowledge could do it.”

“Modest much?” Shiro added

Lance felt his crush on Katie grow the more they hung out or school as well as that she started frequenting the shop more

About half a year later Katie came in and Lance went to greet her, but stopped seeing she had dried mascara tears on her cheeks

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Why are you crying!?” he stops everything and asks his coworker to take over.

He takes Katie in the back for more privacy

“Xavier totally blew me off.” she sniffed

Lance remembered that a guy had asked Katie out on Friday and though he was jealous he supported her as a friend.

“Fuck that guy, he doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

“That’s not all..”

Lance blinked in confusion

“It was a fucking bet Lance! His friends made a bet he wouldn’t ask someone like me out...His friend was there waiting for me and told me everything.” she sniffed wiping her eyes “God I must sound pathetic.”

Lance is beyond pissed now, he was just angry to know his crush had been blown off, but the fact that this guy made the smartest, funniest, and kindest girl he knew feel pathetic? Oh there was gonna be blood.

“I’ll be right back.” he said before Katie could protest

Lance ran out of the back and low and behold their sat Xavier and his friends

“Hey ice cream boy!” Xavier beckoned “A round of chocolates for me and my buddies!”

Now normally Lance would refrain from fighting at work, but all he seen was red

He walked over, grabbed the collar of Xavier’s shirt and just fucking slugged the guy

“Lance!” Shiro and Katie collectively yelled running to him, Shiro stopping him before he could hit again

“Let me go! He made Katie cry!” Lance cried out angrily

Shiro looked to Pidge to see the tears himself “What did he do?”

Before she could say Lance did

Shiro’s eye twitched in anger as he asked the guys to leave

“Shiro what the-”

“Come on they are off the shop’s property now.”

DESPITE KATIE YELLING BOTH BOYS GO AND KICK ASS

Katie calls Hunk and Keith to help who only join in with Lance and Shiro

Finally all the fighting stops when the shop owners daughter Allura shows up

Allura basically puts her hands on her hips and glares daggers in all the boys who are down bruised and bloodied

the groups go their separate ways since luckily nobody was badly hurt and Allura closes up shop seeing as she has to bandage up her employees

Matt is called to help

Katie hits Lance in the shoulder

“Ow what was that for!?”

“Why did you do that?”

“He made you cry!”

“So!? That doesn’t mean you have to pick a fight!”

“Yes it does! I can’t stand seeing you hurt!”

Katie looks at him speechless as tears well in her eyes, she wipes them away and starts wrapping his bruised bleeding knuckles “You’re a fucking idiot..”

Lance pulls her into a hug as he buries his nose in her hair whilst kissing her head ever so gently “If it’s for you of course I am..”

Katie blushes deeply “What are you even saying?”.

“For someone so smart you’re awfully naive.”

“Lance what are you-”

“I like you Katie..That’s why when I seen you crying all I could think about was hurting who hurt you..”

Katie is frozen and looks like a cherry

Lance chuckles “Any redder and i’d mistake you for a cherry on top of a sundae..”

“Oh sh-shut up!”

“Make me.”

And so she did with a press of her lips to his

#pidgance #plance #flirtyrobot shipping #flirtyrobot #pidgance au #plance au #pidge gunderson #lance mcclain

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stardustbabies-blog · 7 years

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my birth stories

I have two beautiful, healthy daughters. They are so perfect that I don’t know how or why I am so lucky, so let me start with that. But bringing them into this world was a trauma. It doesn’t affect my love for them, but it affects my life and my mental health every day.

I’ve realized I can’t really tell the story of my second delivery, the one that almost killed me, unless I tell the story of the first one.

In the last week of 2012, I was 36 weeks pregnant and spending my time reading books about natural childbirth, practicing pain management, talking constantly with my wife about how together we would deal with my pain and anxiety during labor. We had been together for over seven years and she was well-versed in helping me through my mental health challenges, of which I had many. I completely trusted her to get me through it – I even looked forward to it as a bonding experience.

That said, I am a big fan of modern medicine and never considered anything but a standard hospital birth. I wanted to try to manage labor without intervention if I could, and my California hospital was friendly to that decision. Unfortunately for me, nobody checked my daughter’s presenting position until I was already full term, shortly after the turn of the new year. At my 37-week appointment, my OB couldn’t find her head through the cervix. An ultrasound confirmed that she was frank breech. I tried everything on spinning babies, contorting my pregnant body into so many awkward positions that I gave myself migraines. I found a chiropractor and tried the Webster technique; I found an acupuncturist and tried moxibustion. A week later, I was headed for a C-section unless I wanted to try an external cephalic version (ECV).

For a first pregnancy, the success rate of attempting to manually reposition the baby in the womb is about that of getting heads on a coin flip. I read extensively about the risks, which seemed acceptable to me, and certainly not worse than those associated with a surgical birth. My wife completely deferred to me on the decision; most other people uniformly disagreed with, or didn’t understand, my decision to try it.

I have terrible doctor anxiety, so the morning of the procedure, I was terrified. They gave me a dose of terbutaline to relax my abdominal muscles, and it felt like an awesome caffeine jolt, a feeling I sorely missed after eight months of pregnancy. But fun fact: ECVs hurt, a lot. I was cursing and grunting and crushing my wife’s hand while two doctors pushed and twisted my huge pregnant belly. Two tries were unsuccessful, and I was crying from pain. They asked me if I wanted to try one more time.

“Baby’s okay?” I croaked.

“Ultrasound and monitor look great.”

“Go for it.”

I left disappointed, but glad that I tried everything I could. They told me that I would schedule my C-section at my OB appointment the next day. Wife and I grabbed lunch on the way home since I hadn’t been allowed to eat anything before the procedure. On the drive home, I noticed a lot of discharge. I worried that they had broken my water, but didn’t say anything out loud. I could not acknowledge that thought.

In the bathroom at home I learned that it wasn’t amniotic fluid leaking onto my underwear, but bright red blood. On the drive back to the hospital I numbly thought, “Well, either they’ve damaged my internal organs or it’s a placental abruption.”

It was the latter, of course. They occur in 0.1% of ECV attempts, and I knew that, and I’d accepted those odds. After an agonizing wait for a doctor to examine me, I learned I’d be having a baby that day. I told that doctor over and over again that no, I couldn’t today, I wasn’t ready, no no no. But the baby was full term, and the placental abruption had the final say. Seven hours later (because I’d just eaten a big meal and was considered non-emergent), my E.M. arrived by C-section, healthy and beautiful.

Pretty much immediately after her birth, I plunged into the depths of post-partum depression. Looking back, I think that the birth experience was a huge contributor, and that I actually had undiagnosed symptoms of PTSD. I cried every day all the way to and from work. My panic attacks were on a hair trigger. I couldn’t read news stories about anything involving violence without feeling it had just happened to me; the internal screaming was deafening. And I knew – I just KNEW – that either my daughter or I was going to die. I didn’t know how, and I wasn’t suicidal, but I would console myself by saying, at least you got to know her for three months.

I had never planned to have more than once pregnancy. We had planned that my wife would carry the second child and after that we would foster or adopt. But by the time EM was four months old, despite my mental state or maybe because of it in some desperate cry for a do-over, I knew I wanted to carry another baby. And I was already completely immersed in VBAC literature.

In the spring of 2016, seven months pregnant with my second daughter, I told my VBAC class my birth story. When the instructor asked what I wanted from my second birth I said, “I want the chance to try it vaginally, and naturally as much as possible. But mostly, whatever happens, I want to feel connected to it. I felt so out of control with my first birth; I was completely unprepared. This time I understand that anything can happen… I just want to be emotionally present for it.”

I understood that I could wind up with a second surgery, but I was okay with that if I got to hold her right away, got to feel excitement and positive anticipation about her arrival in my arms.

Facts are facts: 1% of VBACs end in uterine rupture. Of those, 6% of the babies die.

If that were to happen to my baby, I knew I would never forgive myself. But I trusted my hospital, my doctors. It was absolutely crucial to my mental health, to my experience as a mother, that I give myself the chance to try.

They had been concerned about my blood pressure the entire pregnancy. At my first appointment at 8 weeks, my reading in their office was 180/95. When I say I have doctor anxiety, I’m not kidding – my readings at home, well into the ninth month, were in the 120s/70s. That did not matter when I clocked a 165/100 at my 39 week appointment. I got sent to labor and delivery.

I had known that they were going to try to strip my membranes to trigger labor at that appointment, and so my older daughter was already tucked away at my parents’ house. When I called my wife and told her to come to the hospital, neither of us was terribly surprised that the doctors felt it was time for new baby’s arrival. My cervix was 1cm dilated, high, and not effaced. I was given three options. Go home and wait (not recommended, but ultimately my decision), have a C-section that afternoon, or be induced.

Induced? For a VBAC? I was confused.

A “gentle” induction involves a Foley bulb to widen the cervix and a slow, low dose Pitocin drip. I was told it could take days. For all my desire for the chance for a vaginal birth, at that moment that did not sound like a marathon I was prepared to run. But I didn’t want to go home; I wanted to have the baby that day. My daughter was taken care of. My wife was there. I was ready. I wanted to meet my baby girl. I was scared and the “devil I knew” was appealing and even, in that moment, comforting. I told the resident I wanted the C-section.

One of my doctors, whom I had talked to extensively about my VBAC desire, heard about this decision and put a hold on the proceedings. He sent in another doctor to talk to me further. She was warm, empathetic, and extremely forthcoming about the procedures when I asked a million questions. Ultimately, she confirmed what I truly wanted and talked me down from my anxiety-induced decision. Despite everything that happened after, I am extremely grateful for that doctor. I wish I had told her that when she visited me the next day in the ICU with tears in her eyes. Now I don’t even remember her name.

With the decision made, they wheeled me into my delivery room. It was around 3PM. I hadn’t eaten since 8, so they let me order lunch, knowing delivery was a safe distance in the future. I can’t remember what I ate. I think there was pizza.

The placement of the Foley bulb was the first procedure. It hurt, much like bad period cramps. She had to try it twice because she couldn’t get it to stay the first time. When she told me I was all set, I smiled. She said if I could smile after that, I was going to do great.

They hooked me up to the Pitocin, and the waiting began. I watched the electronic trace of the contractions rise and fall on the monitor. I couldn’t feel anything besides muscle tightening, and wondered when the pain would begin. A few hours later, I went to the bathroom and the bulb fell out in the toilet. There was bleeding, and my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. But my nurse was thrilled – it meant my cervix was dilated. The blood was normal.

More uneventful waiting ensued. The contractions got stronger; I could feel (and see) my abdomen tightening. Sometimes it would be strong enough that I would get a little breathless, but I still didn’t have any pain.

Women who have VBACs are highly encouraged, though not required, to get an epidural. I’d had to make peace with that months earlier, because in the event of an emergency, having an already placed epidural can be lifesaving when seconds count. It can also provide the mother with the chance to be awake for the surgical birth of her baby instead of having to undergo general anesthesia. By 9PM, I knew in my gut it was time. I cried the whole way through the procedure. I didn’t want it. I was scared of the side effects, scared of the unknown. But most of all, now I knew I was about to have my second baby, and would never get to feel a single labor pain. The feeling of loss was immense. It is not an overstatement to say that the feeling of disconnection from my body and the work it was doing was devastating.

The epidural placement went smoothly. The anesthesiologist was wonderful and tender with me through all of my emotions. When it took effect, I was surprised to feel I could still move my legs a bit, that they just felt heavy and sluggish. About an hour later, I felt like I had to pee. The nurse seemed surprised, because usually the epidural takes away the feeling in your bladder, but she gave me a bed pan. I couldn’t go.

The nurse said at this point, my job was to try to get some rest before things really got going. Wife and I lay down, and put on the TV. Ocean’s Eleven was on.

As I lay there, sleepy but knowing full well the idea of actually sleeping was laughable, I felt a little nauseated, a little dizzy, and a little sweaty. I knew labor could do that sometimes, and I knew I had drugs in my system. It may have been normal. It may have been a series of warning signs. I’ll never know.

Around 11, I think, I felt my whole body jolt, like an electric shock had run through me. That was followed shortly by a gush of fluid between my legs. I threw off the blankets and looked at the sheet, and touched the fluid on my body. It was clear – not blood, not greenish or brownish. Relief. I had to wake Wife up. “Sweetie… my water broke.”

I am so grateful for the classic labor milestones that I did get to experience.

But I was definitely not feeling well by this point. Woozy, sweaty. I have terrible anxiety and shit was getting real, so I chalked it up to that. At one point a doctor came in and repositioned my fetal monitor, the belt of electrodes around my belly.

“Is she okay?”

“She’s okay.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

I’m not sure exactly what time it happened. It feels to me now that it was very soon after my water broke, but based on the timing of the birth it must have been at least an hour later.

Out of the blue, like a truck hit me, I was enveloped by the worst pain of my life. (And keep in mind, I’d had an epidural already.) It felt like someone had reached into my body and was pulling apart my abdominal muscles. It felt like a vise gripped my bladder and twisted. It coincided with contractions. I became the classic “woman in labor screaming in the hospital bed.” I curled up on my side in the fetal position to try to get away from the pain. My nurse asked me questions, but I was in too much pain to answer her. She told me I needed a bolus of my pain relief. Wife put the controller in my hand, but I couldn’t hold onto it, and it dropped to the floor.

I thought, “Well, I guess now I know what labor feels like.” And that conclusion came with a bit of disappointment, because I knew I could never withstand that level of pain for hours, no way in hell.

But… that wasn’t labor.

The timing of the next events is hazy to me. I know that I underwent a couple more of those excruciating contractions before the frenzy began. I know that the doctor who had been occasionally checking me for dilation progress was called out of a meeting, and I know the room began to flood with people, some of them in scrubs, some of them with walkie-talkies. I know now it was because my daughter’s heart rate was dropping.

Suddenly the lights were bright. The doctor sat down at the foot of my bed and reached inside me and I will never, ever forget the puzzled look on his face.

“This baby is sky-high,” he said.

I’d read enough to know that the baby’s loss of station in the pelvis is diagnostically indicative of a uterine rupture.

The doctor went to the monitors, scanning readouts, clicking on things. “Doctor, should we get her to the OR, given her history?” a woman said.

“Just get her out,” I said. “I’m scared.”

Wife noted, and told me later, that at this point my heart rate was 155. I was tachycardic and going into hypovolemic shock. They had to wheel me to the OR without Wife, who had to get dressed and, I later learned, had to be held outside until the doctors were sure that our baby wasn’t dead. As they wheeled me down the hall, I heard one of them say the word rupture.

“My uterus ruptured?” I asked.

“Your membranes ruptured,” she said. She was protecting me, I know that now. They saw me bleeding as they were wheeling me down the hall. They knew. Wife heard them call “Condition O” over the loudspeakers. Obstetric emergency, all hands on deck.

From the time the doctor was called to check on me to the time I was cut open, a total of nine minutes passed. I was heavily drugged and woozy from blood loss, staring up at the ceiling, bright lights in my eyes. Wife wasn’t there yet. I noted that I did not feel the tugging sensation that I’d felt when they delivered E.M. I didn’t hear the baby cry, either.

I wanted to pass out. My brain really, really wanted to go to sleep. My eyes were closing and I had to fight it. I kept thinking, “If you pass out, that is bad. Don’t do it. Stay awake.”

Every time I started to feel my head spin like I was going to faint, I would look up at this woman who was standing by my head. I didn’t have to say anything; she would look at my face and know I was in trouble, and she would do something to my IV and it would fix it. I still don’t know who she was or what she was doing. Nobody has been able to answer me that.

Wife finally joined me, sat down next to my head. She had tears in her eyes but I was a little too out of it to register at that time what she must have been through. I cried and she held me, at least as much as she could while I was strapped to an operating table.

The first time we saw our daughter C.J.’s face was in an iPhone picture taken by an OR nurse. I remember gasping and sobbing twice with joy when I saw those pictures. She was okay. She was here. She was real. Her APGARs, miraculously, were 5 and 8.

I was on that operating table for two hours, about three times as long as a standard C-section procedure. I’d experienced a complete uterine rupture, which means that the contents of my uterus were open to my abdomen. When they opened me up, the placenta spontaneously delivered, and C.J. was in my upper abdomen. When I later asked how long she had been like that the answer was, “Well… it couldn’t have been very long.”

They estimated that I lost three liters of blood. They did not give me a transfusion, but did give me two units of platelets to make sure I didn’t bleed more. My rupture extended to the broad ligament on the left side, which is a long, flat, structure that connects the uterus to the abdominal wall. When I get menstrual cramps now, I still have sharp pains in that ligament – a lovely monthly reminder.

When they were confident they’d repaired the damage and the bleeding had subsided, I had some time in the ICU. I know I got to hold the baby that night, but I don’t really remember doing so. I was pretty drugged and actually slept a little; Wife sat in a chair next to me, crying. The next day I got visits from some familiar faces, many of the doctors who had treated me throughout the process. I don’t remember much about what they said to me. I tried to eat and drink but vomited everything back up. I barely had the energy to hold the baby. I felt numb.

That night I got transferred to a standard recovery room. On the surface that was great news, because it meant I was healthy enough for standard and not intensive care. But it also meant I was treated like a standard C-section patient and not one who had undergone a life-threatening event. It was one of the worst nights of my life. My anxiety was nearly unbearable, I was shaking and in pain. The oxycodone was the only thing that kept me from losing it.

For all of that night, I was unable to urinate on my own. I felt a terrible urge, but once I dragged my shredded body to the toilet, the muscles would not work to make it happen. I don’t know if that’s because I had a catheter for 24 hours or because of the rupture. Either way, it was nearly unbearable. I would send for the nurse and then sit there on the bed in agony for nearly an hour before she would finally acquiesce and straight-cath me to empty my bladder. Because the volume was too low to warrant such an extreme urge, she took me less and less seriously each time. My wife, who is not confrontational by nature, had to demand that the nurse get me Ativan to rescue me from my torment.

It’s clear to me now I must have sustained some damage to my bladder or those muscles and that caused the feelings – it was the same thing I felt soon after getting the epidural. In the morning, I was finally able to pass some urine on my own, although it would take minutes and minutes.

I spent most of the recovery period alone in the hospital. My family did visit for a few hours the next day, but for the remaining three days I sent Wife home to get rest and take care of our E.M. I needed her to be well rested so she could take care of us when we got home.

In those bleary, painful, lonely days of recovery. . . when I held C.J. to my chest, skin to skin, it was pure bliss. I was connected to her immediately, which was not the case with EM.

Which is not to say I was okay. I broke down in tears upon being woken up from a precious nap to have my blood pressure taken, and the technician chastised me sharply. “With your blood pressure history, we have to cover our butts.”

The morning I was due to be discharged, the doctor who had delivered C.J. came to check on me, and I was curled up crying. She was the first person to mention PTSD to me. I was interviewed by more than one social worker about my support network and how capable I felt to take care of my daughter.

The recovery at home was brutal. When your body has been pregnant and realizes it no longer is in that state, it works to reduce your blood volume. This is a reasonable physiological response, but when you lose three liters of blood and need to build up your supply, it is a counterproductive one. I was weak and devoid of energy. I needed so much sleep that my wife was practically a single mother for the first few weeks. The guilt was horrible, but I couldn’t fight my physiology. I literally didn’t have enough blood in my body. I ate cheeseburgers and spinach every day to combat the anemia.

The nightmares where I am being shot in a hospital parking lot, or torn open by wild animals, or holding a shriveled dead baby have only recently begun to subside.

My daughter is a year old today. I have a toddler again. She is absolutely perfect, with big blue eyes, little curly flips of hair on the back of her head, four tiny teeth, a round kissable tummy, and rolls of chub on her arms and legs. She dances like a maniac and shrieks when she’s excited, or angry, or bored, or about everything, really. Sometimes I still don’t understand how she is with us, except to realize that my doctors and nurses may not have been perfect, but I owe them her life and probably mine.

I am not religious. My spirituality derives from the science behind the mysteries of life and reality – from physics, from neurobiology. I am a human animal, and my connection to life, to nature, to evolution, is something I recognize in my rational mind and also in my gut… or in my soul, if you will. If I am to borrow the language of religion, there is nothing more “holy” in my heart than making a human life. It is a horrible, brutal, messy, terrifying, indescribable, transformative experience, and one of the most unifying components of being alive on Earth. It is one that should never be undertaken lightly and never chosen by or forced upon someone who doesn’t unequivocally want to experience it.

And for me, it is going to be a years-long, if not life long, process to accept that my experiences with pregnancy and childbirth have left me feeling disconnected from nature, betrayed by my body, and inferior to the mothers of all the generations before me. In that sense I am processing a trauma on two levels – the physical near-death experience for myself and my baby girl, and a profound sense of loss. The latter has left me unsatisfied in a very deep and spiritual way. I do NOT glamorize the pain of childbirth, but I deeply wanted to feel a baby being pushed from my body. I wanted to feel myself accomplish that. I wanted to be held by my wife while I birthed our child, whether it was in a delivery room or an operating room. I wanted a bloody, messy, wailing infant to be placed on my chest after we went through birth together.

And yes, I wanted us both to live. My gratitude that we did doesn’t erase what I feel as a loss. Those who would say things like “a healthy baby is all that matters” or “just be grateful, because 100 years ago you would have been dead” are of no use to me. Those statements tell me that you don’t see mothers as autonomous beings separate from their status as a vessel. You are no better than the people who would force a woman to go through this experience against her will. And in that vein, while my healing proceeds, one of my greatest hopes is that we as an animal species can cultivate a sense of the vitality of the dignity of mothers, in pregnancy, in labor, in birth, and in recovery.

#childbirth #birth trauma #postpartum depression #postpartum PTSD #personal

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