#( this is talking about like conversations --- not dash shitposts )

[seesgood]

Hi, I saw your post about the RPC and activity—and no, it’s not just you. However, I’m also someone who tried interacting with you specifically… and you kind of gave me radio silence as well? I kind of felt like I didn’t exist on your dash when we were mutuals, only those close friends who you already engaged with were in your line of sight even when I actively engaged with you from my end. (I bring this up because it leads into my next point on why I think the RPC is dying off).

Maybe that’s a one-time thing/situation but I do feel like sometimes that’s a problem some people don’t realize (not just you, I’ve got it from other people as well) in the RPC as a whole. I think that’s also driving a lot of good, active people away from the RPC, and some people don’t recognize that they need to kind of… at least acknowledge peoples’ presences on the dash. It doesn’t have to be through RP necessarily either; liking their posts, responding if they comment ooc, sending them headcanon or positivity asks, there’s other ways to engage they say “hey, I see you!” that don’t involve the creative juices of writing a reply to them. People start to feel discouraged, or like they’re invisible, or like it’s not worth continuing when their presence isn’t at the very least acknowledged. And in that case, I think people miss out on the opportunity to engage with and write with people they might have built an amazing rapport with.

hi! first of all thank you for sending this in, i'm sure it's not a super easy thing to say to someone and i appreciate you doing so. i'm sorry if i ever came off like i was brushing you off or favoring certain people ( which i'm sure i do, as we all tend to do, because certain people feel safer / more familiar / etc. ) i will say that i make a lot of efforts to engage with people as much as possible, but it's incredibly difficult for me to talk / chat 24/7, especially if it's small talk or those awkward first stages of "omg i love your blog!." it also takes me a really long time to be comfortable with people, and despite the fact that i've been here for awhile, i only have a handful of people that i feel truly comfortable and safe and not anxious talking to. beyond that, i've had a really busy year, my anxiety over the past few months has been worse than it's ever been, and that definitely impacts the way that i interact with people, which is also probably why it feels like i'm only interacting with my friends.

i agree with every single point that you make, i try to make as much of an effort when i can to engage with people's posts on the dash, even if it's just a like or a comment. i think it does A LOT more than people realize. and i do think that you're hitting on this really great and complex topic right now of "it feels like the rpc is dying and one of the reasons is probably because people don't engage with one another the same ways that they used to" and this is true! but at the same time, i think there's also been a shift in feeling like you're owed someone's time / energy / attention and that can be very hard for people to. and i think when those things combine forces into the 'well it's not worth me being here because no one notices me and no one cares' it starts to breed this weird negative energy where it's like "it's on you to give me enough attention to warrant it being worth my time to be here" and i'm not saying that's what you're communicating to me, i'm just saying that's a trend i notice sometimes, and i frankly don't have the time or energy to be like KSJDFHKJSDHFKJSH BESTIE! to every single person, all hours of the day, when i follow a truly obscene ( quadruple digits ) amount of people.

so i think you're right and you make a lot of good points, and i apologize for the fact that my actions --- as unintentional as they were, whatever they were --- made you feel down about your presence here, but i would also like to kindly say to that: i'm not an extroverted person. i'm not a socially confident person. it takes a lot of energy for me ( and many others, i'm sure ) to sustain conversations with people we don't know (yet) and are not familiar with (yet) on a website with a culture that can be as volatile as tumblr's. my biggest rp advice is to do the things that YOU enjoy that make YOU happy, and try not to tailor it to other people. if you do that, i promise people will come. and i don't mean this in a "how dare you accuse me of such a thing i am a perfect human' i am not. i am far from it. i too have felt and do feel often the way you feel.

TL;DR + unsolicited advice, don't take a "me" thing and let your brain twist it into a "you" thing ( i.e. oh lia never messages me back but she's talking to all these people on the dash, she must hate me and i should just leave ) i promise you people's behaviors are more reflective of what's going on with them than what they think of you

[bookreadingpsycopath]

To people on this silly website:

As midnight draws closer and closer (or already happened for people in different time zones) I just wanted to say thank you to my mutuals and the people I’ve seen on my dash. Whether we’ve ever had a conversation or not I hope things turn out ok for you.

I haven’t been on this website for a very long time but thank you for posting Art, thank you for posting silly little ramble about topics you like, thank you’d to bringing awareness to different topics, thank you for posting snippets of your WIP’s, thank you for sharing what’s you’re thinking about, thank you for all your shitposts, thank you for your rants, thank you for all of your posts whether they’re goofy, serious, happy, depressing, or just there, thank you for existing because it sucks but we’re all in this silly little website together and I think that’s quite nice, thank you for all the poetry on here, thank you for the song lyrics on here, thank you to all of my mutuals who have put up with me posting random ass stuff at the most random hours the days, thank you for all the fun tag games, thank you for the picrew tag chains, thank you for interacting with me, that has meant so much to me even if you’ve just liked a post of mine or if you tagged me in something or talked with me, thank you from the depths of my being it truly meant so much to me. Thank you all for so much.

I hope to interact with more of you little shits (affectionate) within this coming year. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to send me an ask or something like that I’ll be glad to listen. If 2024 doesn’t treat you well we can all beat it up together at the end of it. I hope you get to enjoy yourself more in 2024.

And thank you too all my mutuals again for putting up with all my shit lmao @smol-sorrows @sunnandclouds @keinechteslaecheln @justaproblem-17 @wolfstaridiot08 @demigoddess-of-ghosts @dzikiemaslo @moonysversion @lifewaster-imdanger98 @kevinhayrle

And a special message to @wolfstaridiot08! You are amazing and so loved by me (in a platonic way) I’m pretty sure we’re platonic soulmates and I’m excited to go on a book splurge with you this weekend. You have gotten me through so much and thank you so fucking much for that. You helped me figure a lot of my shit out and have put up with a lot of my shit too. You listened when no one else would and I’m sorry for when I brushed things off and didn’t tell you stuff. Thank you for shoving (firmly but kindly pushing) me into a slightly healthier lifestyle and making sure I am actually getting adequate amount of rest, thank you for being there for me, thank you for showing me its ok to not be “perfect” all the time and that it was ok to be myself, thank you for consistently talking to me and even if you didn’t realize it that meant so much to me, thank you for showing me what a healthy friendship actually looked like, thank you for letting me ramble on and on about all of my new obsessions, thank you for supporting me, thank you for all the late night texts, thank you teaching me the wonders of flipping people off, thank for being my obsession buddy, thank you for giving me space when I asked for it, thank you for for sharing your writing with me, thank you for staying with me and not just pulling away or something, thank you for being you, thank you for everything and more, and WE MADE IT, we made it to New Year’s Eve, we did it. I love you ❤️.

(also sorry if this sounds cheesy, I’m a sappy bitch)

[purpleandstarlight]

Continuing on with part two... @hateweasel tagging u in case u don't see this on your dash

I'll be tagging these DLTD Thoughts in case anyone wants to search for them or block them?

-(Sent this one as an anon ask to Hate back then so you may remember):

Me, at chapter 149: We're getting ready for a fashion show now.

My friend: ...Good? Now we're at The Devil Wears Prada.

-DLTD: Lawrence was the host

Me, who has an awful memory with names: ...Who the fuck is Lawr- OH WAIT.

(To be fair Lawrence barely appears...he do be kinda useless, as me and my bestie bullied him about)

-Me: Okay so I finished the fashion show and we have two (2) possibilities: Either it starts a serious arc full of action and death...or it's another chapter of them doing some random ass shit, you never know with DLTD.

-I apparently at the time remembered that Pluto was a thing in the anime filler and the thought that DLTD!Ciel had to deal with him in the past broke my heart in sympathy? Now i know he thankfully wasn't a thing in the DLTD canon at least.

-Me discovering there was a DLTD discord server at some point?? wich I genuinely forgot about until now.

-Starting chapter 175, while Johnathan (did i get it right?)'s Dad points a gun at Alois, i realized his name was Victor. Wich is also the name of my best friend's sorta villain in an original trilogy she's writing, a character I costantly shitpost about bc I love to hate him. So you see why it was funny to us. After that, this conversation happened:

Me: Yeah but this guy was a good person, he didn't deserve to share a name with your Victor...

My friend: That's fair- no wait...didn't he point a gun to Alois?

Me: Well, yeah...and he also shot him in the head...and he was a criminal...BUT HE WAS GOOD-

My friend: ...sure

-Me, during the Alois Hellsing training camp arc: There's a kid named Irons and it was SO FAMILIAR to me but I didn't know why? Turns out he's the son of the professor. That's why I remembered his name.

-For 196 chapters, I always read Westley correctly. Then DLTD said " "I solemnly swear!" replied the Westley lad" and my brain misread it as Weasley...that's an ironic line to mess up on...

-My gaydar never alerting me about Daniel until the ferris wheel chapter? For some reason?? Wich I know now that you didn't intend for him to be gay at the start but honestly, with how much he talked about Cielois' endeavors??? There were signs.

- I didn't know that the "Yes, your highness'' thing started up with Luka in the anime, not Claude, bc I never rewatched season 2 since i was a kid so i picked most things up from the DLTD context? And. Yeah I didn't connect it to Luka I connected it to Claude. And I was scared until they revealed it was Luka.

-I suspected that Hellsing would be losing her mind laughing (mentally. But she would still roast him slightly for it) at Ciel's simping when he called like "Hey so...my boyfriend's brother is kinda back from the dead but I gotta do this extremely expensive ritual to help him stay alive so that my bf wont be sad...can I?" but you never showed that call and I was heartbroken over it.

[weiszklee]

Don't want to detract too much from an otherwise solid post, and I'm not looking to start beef, so I'm just screenshotting it, but this kinda annoys me every time the post crosses my dash.

Not to sound like an anti-postmodernist, but context isn't everything. And not to sound like a postmodernist, but context is more complex than a one-dimenional axis of oppression.

What I mean is, I think you should be concerned with whether statement are actually true or not, and you should be concerned with the implications, and you should be concerned with the underlying worldview, regardless of context. If "White people are irredeemable devils" or whatever is factually untrue, then it is always factually untrue. If it is exculpatory of individual white people's racism, then it always is. If it betrays an indefensible essentialism, then it always does. Carving out an exception for PoC to "vent" their frustration or whatever makes no sense, and clearly many PoC are doing more than "venting" when they say things like that. Don't tell me to not take what black people say seriously and claim to be progressive at the same time.

Context is important, of course, but "context" is not shorthand for "race of the speaker". True and false statements alike can be used for helpful and for nefarious purposes, sure, absolutely, but to determine the context, you have to be specific, and what is applicable to one situation is not automatically applicable to another despite superficial similarities. First of all, there are more axes of oppression than the one, but it doesn't even have to be about oppression. If a friend is "venting" their frustration at you by demeaning a demographic group you happen to be part of, they are not a good friend actually, for an easy example. One complication for this point is that "a post on social media" is a very unusual context, and there are no universally accepted customs for this half-personal-half-public context. A known issue on tumblr is how posts sometimes "breach containment" and unexpectedly reach an audience much wider than initially expected, even though an audience was absolutely expected. And you can't blame someone for not anticipating all the ways to misread their 3am shitpost, but it's not like those misreading the post were inserting themselves into a private conversation and derailing it, they have all the right in the world to take issue with something coming across their dash which can be interpreted in a hurtful way. So context is doubly complicated here.

I think it all comes down to this annoying habit of applying Marxist class analysis to things other than classes in a Marxist sense. The bourgeois directly benefit from the exploitation and oppression of the working class, and it's the thing that makes bourgeois people bourgeois which is harmful to working class people. That is the context in which Marxist statements about class make sense (well, kinda, I'm not actually a Marxist myself, but at least this context makes everything defensible). But none of that is true of race or any other axis of oppression! Your average white person is not better off when black people get their heads bashed in. They just aren't. And it's not being white which makes someone harmful to black people. It really isn't. So none of the usual Marxist analysis makes any sense if you're talking about race instead of class. And PoC are not talking about white people "as an oppresor class" when they apply this logic falsely, they are simply justifying their gut reactions, like everyone does sometimes.

[gffa]

I debated how to answer these asks, now that I’ve stepped in this discussion, and I’m going to talk about something--only one of these is over my follower count (good on you  @elzar, doubly so for making me laugh when I was starting to get up in my head about it! 😂) and it means nothing. You couldn’t guess how many followers I have based on the level of activity of my account, which shows you exactly how much it (doesn’t) matter!  I love every person who chose to follow this blog because they liked the content (and I wish the hate followers a very happy Enjoy The Show And/Or Gnashing Of Your Teeth Whatever Makes You Happy I Guess), I love the people I get to interact with, and I wish I could follow more of you back, but some of you post like 70 times a day and I already struggle to get through my dash.  😂 The thing I want to discuss here, though, is how little follower count matters (even when, let’s be clear, every follower is a gem, WHICH YOU GUYS ARE 💕), but instead that the people who like your personal posts or leave kind comments on your discussion posts, those are the ones you’ll remember in ten  years.  I chose to reblog this meme, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about for awhile. I’ve had my “main” tumblr blog since 2010 and it has over 60k followers and that literally means nothing, because most of them are from the peak of tumblr’s popularity, are inactive blogs now, or only come around once in awhile.  I can make a post there and it’ll struggle to crack 100 notes!  (In fairness, almost all of my attention is here, I hardly make any personal or discussion posts there.)  And when I look back on the height of my activity on that blog, I don’t really feel much, like, did I get a post that made a certain number of notes?  Like, 50k+ notes popularity?  Probably a couple of times, and that felt good in the moment, I still appreciated it now, I love when people enjoy the content I’ve made!!!  That’s a great feeling and I don’t mean to dismiss it at all!  But it was also incredibly ephemeral, I don’t really feel a spark of anything about it anymore, when it was so many years ago. But when I think about the friends I made there, the ones that I’m still in contact with and hope to follow when we move to whatever platform comes next, those are the ones that I treasure.  When I think about the lovely discussions I’ve had with people who followed me and we just had some really cool stuff to say to each other, that is what mattered. And the same is true of this blog.  No, I’ll never hit those heights again on Tumblr, but ultimately the popularity of posts isn’t really an accurate way to judge follower count numbers and shouldn’t be.  I need to periodically remind myself that any judgement of fandom interaction by numbers is going to be a flawed one and lead to paranoia and self-doubt, which is something I’ve struggled with recently.  Judging yourself by numbers, whether follower count or notes count on any given post, will not lead to looking back on your experience in ten years and being satisfied. Having a thoughtful conversation with friends, getting actual connection with another human being, whether over something meaningful or a shitpost, that’s what will sustain a person.  And I appreciate every follower I have for that, because the kindness and engagement you’ve been sweet enough to share with me is what really matters. So, if you have 5 followers, 500 followers, 5,000 followers, 10,000 followers, 25,000 followers, 50,000 followers, or 100,000 followers, it doesn’t really matter, because in ten years, it will mean absolutely nothing, while the friendships you made along the way will mean everything.

[chaosbungone]

Intro post Time BABEY!!

Welcome to the blog this is the intro post wow!

Things you may wanna know about the blog poster!!

Disabled Non-binary writer, creator, and sometimes DM (dungeon master in relation to Dungeons and Dragons)

Pronouns used: primarily he/him, they/them, and neopronouns of which there is currently one, bun/buns (using these for the poster MAY make them cry as not many chose to)

Names you can use to address the poster/creator are as follows: Hades (primary/default unless changed), Merlin (secondary default), Orpheus, and Cecil (you can use them however as poster/creator will respond to all)

As the creator of this page I personally strive to make this a safe place for people to visit, as a physically and mentally disabled punk I believe everyone deserves to feel safe unless they chose to not give that same safety to those around them (ie: if you’re a TERF, white supremacist, honestly any of the -ists, or use hateful language in the ask box/in my replies prepare to be ignored for the sake of others mental health, or get verbally beat down as a response if I’m in a bad mood)

Things you might see on this blog!!

The poster of this blog is just a funky lil lad, a wizard at times, at others, a warlock, or mayhaps still quite a few other characters.

The following are things the creator likes to post, reblog, or simply just chatter about:

Writing: whether that be character analysis, stories of their own work and pride, prompts, or fun little characters they decide to test on this blog. The creator of this blog enjoys mostly horror or weird fiction, but the broad expanse of fantasy and sci-fi has been known to pique their interest especially if revolving around folktales/myth.

DnD (Dungeons and Dragons): as a dm (dungeon master) themselves the creator of this blog greatly enjoys DnD and roleplaying. They currently greatly enjoy Dimension 20, Roll 20, and The Adventure Zone campaigns.

Studying the Occult, folktales, and mythology/religion: the creator of this blog has 10+ years of religious study outside of a school based learning under their belt and actively enjoys conversation of any of the various topics there in as long as it is done with respect and the knowledge that if someone is wrong or spreading misinformation that it will be corrected in the same manner it is brought up. The creator of this blog realizes though that they are not a perfect or all knowing individual and would reserve the same right to anyone else to correct them. :)

Random bursts from hyperfixations that may appear out of nowhere: the poster of this blog has diagnosed ADHD, is on the autism spectrum and sometimes bounces around on interests so please don’t be alarmed if something completely different shows up on your dash. If the poster of this blog is unaware of something offensive in accordance with the content of a new fixation please feel free to let them know respectfully so they can wean themselves away from such content.

Tags for things:

“wizardposting”: for wizardly posts

“wizard writing”: for writing things

“hex posts for hex”: highlighted in green because it is the EVIL COLOR, exactly what the tag says “hex posts for hex” my good evil friend Hex @protosstar <3

“little jester postings”: shitposts and shenanigans via yours truly

Welcome to the blog hope you have fun and the ask box is open if you ever want to talk to any of the characters you see on this page! <|:o)

[xnchxntmxnt]

Welcome to the party!

I hope you're ready for a fun time! I'm very happy everyone could make it and you all look great. More on the party later, I have a few words to say first.

I started this blog a year ago today after having barely any idea what the hell I was doing. All I knew is my wonderful friend Poe got me into a new anime and I'd absolutely fallen in love with it. I'd had a love of writing since I was ten, and I thought it was time to put that talent to use.

Words cannot describe how happy I am to still be active. I may not be as active as I once was, and I cannot update once a week like I used to, but I still appreciate all the support I get nonetheless.

Since then I've made so many friends, met so many people, got into new things and done things I never thought I would. I could talk for hours about all the friends I have because I love them all, but I'll try to keep these short so we can get to the more fun part...

@emswordss you were my first mutual and we still talk almost every day and that makes me so, so happy. you're so incredible and i'm happy i could be part of the journey you're on and help you with the crazy shit that is teenage years.

@domestic-void/@nekomas-kuroo my second mutual ever! i am so glad you let me write that lev fic its still the longest fic i've ever written for this (besides that one selfship thing but we aren't counting that)

@shoyotime/@miyamours my first wife <33 we havent talked in a while but i remember how much we did especially when i was first starting out. thanks for all the confidence boosts and all the weird conversations <3

@shirari we havent talked in so long !!! how are you? i don't know if you're really active anymore but i feel badcwe kinds lost touch

@ellesmain/@ellewords I MISS YOUUU ik finals suck i do but i miss seeing you on my dash!!! need my big sister once in a while yk <3 i hope finals are going well and that you're doing ok too! mayeb by the time you're back I'll have another taylor swift cover for you

@maizumis i havent seen you online in forever either !! we gotta talk soon!

@possiblypoe THE OG!!! this brilliant person got me into haikyuu it's her fault you all have to deal with me. poe you are so so so so so incredible and i KNOW how long you've been waiting for your matchup so go read and text me/send and ask and tell me your thoughts!!! love you (/p)

@mysterystarz/@nekonovs wife #2!!! thanks for being the crackhead in my discord dms over the summer /j. no but actually i know we dont talk as much as we did over the summer, mostly because we're both busy, but youre so amazing really. thank you for all the late night conversations and the akaashi brainrot

@k-kazvha i think you were my first genshin moot?? also happy late birthday!!! have fun dancing the night away with diluc. i said some of this yesterday on your birthday but i am SO glad we met you're so funny and honestly great to talk to. i ma not always comment on it but your posts make me laugh a lot (usually the shitposts). you're an incredibly talented writer thank you for being amazing

@rqkuya you literally know all my ocs in and out and you're so so so incredible to talk to about them. you always ahve the funniest one-liners and little ideas to add, and no matter how much you yell at me for throwing angst at them, you love me for it anyway. thank you so so much for making me feel like i always have someone to talk to about anything (usually characters, but even serious things) tor.

@merciemer DAD !! high key you're very like an older brother for me and i talk about you deadass all the time. you give me gender envy a LOT (but in a great way) and youre so pretty in like the most gnc way possible. you're absolutely hilarious and i feel my own parent friend instincts kick in once in a while when we talk but its because i care i swear <3

@animated-moon my fellow tendou simp. we really need to sit down and watch howl's moving castle one of these days. i'm still proud of that tendou fic for you i wrote not too long ago (or maybe it was, i have no perception of time) but it was really fun to write and you're just. so much fun to talk to we really need to talk more bc youre a riot in the best way ever

@kage7ama ANGEL THAT INTRODUCED ME TO THAT SONG— ok i still scream sing that and in the back of my head im thankng you for showing it to me i LOVE it thank you. i was so worried when you deactivated but its ok bc i got the new url <33

@kodzukoi ANOTHER ONE WHO HEARS ABOUT MY OCS i am so glad you're as into sk8 as i am (or almost, idk) and know that langa is giving u a forehead kiss rn. as am i (/p). but you're so easy to talk to and constantly reminding me that im not talking too much which i appreciate also you give the best compliments. jun kinnie (affectionate)

@rudolphsboyfriend AAAAA I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU TO READ UR MATCHUP URS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITES. but youre so talented like what the hell??? talented voice, talented writer, my irls hear about you all the time jfc i need to shut up about you sometimes. but yeah i just think you're super awesome man

@sunalma i missed you on my dash !!! im glad youre back though even if it's not as much. fun fact: i was SO SCARED to talk to you for so long but the more time went on the more time i got over myself and tried not to hit the send button on inbox asks and throw my phone to the other end of my bed

@miyagem LAST BUT NOT LEAST i think youre my newest mutual??? we talk a decent amount though so i already call u my friend <33 i definitely need to bother you more tho its fun youre great to talk to

that should be everyone its everyone in my notes w an emoji at least. if i forgot you i swear i didn't mean to !!!!

and an extra extra shoutout to all my anons + anyone who just likes to interact, even if through reblogs! ur messages/tags/anything else mean the world to me !! your support is mostly why i keep doing this and i wouldn't have hit 1 year if not for you.

nOW THAT THE SAPPY STUFF IS OVER BACK TO ME WRITING PROFESSIONALLY

quick preface: when in doubt assume everyone is 22. i don't care how that affects the plot of the original story your character is from, everyone is 22 so we can all drink champagne (if you choose). carry on

The night opens in a giant, golden, open ballroom, perfectly set white tables taking up a decent amount of room. Other tables line the walls, all covered in food (all with various coverings on it so it doesn't get too cold). Come in, take a seat wherever you like. Dinner starts soon.

The room is quiet, save the chatter of people finding seats. Three people stand in the center of the room with various kinds of musical nstruments—L, in the center, (@rudolphsboyfriend my beloved) Blue to their side and Semi Eita on their other. All three are smiling, however L is the most, seeing everyone make their entrances.

Once everyone is seated, he explains: one of his biggest passions is music and he has two incredibly talented friends that agreed to play with him for the first part of the night, then dinner, then the rest of the party as everyone pleases.

They make a speech about how appreciative they are for everyone (see above for that) and the three of them play their set. Music kicks on, they announce dinner is open, and the rest of the night is yours for the choosing.

Do enjoy and tell me how spend your time!

Event Content!

playlist for the night

✧ drabbles ✧

@merciemer - dancing with matsukawa issei @kage7ama - people watching with diluc ragnvindr @animated-moon - eating dessert with tendou satori @rqkuya - xiao (yours didn't get a name but i swear its for good reason) @terushimatwinn - balcony conversations with miya atsumu @kodzukoi - car conversations with langa hasegawa

✧ matchups ✧

for @emswordss ✧✧✧ for @keijinn ✧✧✧ for anon ✧✧✧ for @duckymcdoorknob ✧✧✧ for @possiblypoe ✧✧✧ for @rudolphsboyfriend ✧✧✧ for 🌱 anon ✧✧✧

✧ other additions ✧

my evening with kaoru sakurayashiki

If you didn't get a chance to participate and want to (or you did, and want to add onto what I came up with), please do! Send it in as a submission or inbox message, or just tag me in a post you make! I'd love to add it to the main post!

Only rule about this is you cannot double characters. There are a few taken already, but if you would like to participate, please choose someone else that hasn't been listed in one of the drabbles/matchups to save everyone the confusion.

Thank you all so much again. I could not have done this all without you and I appreciate everyone that follows and interacts with me more than you all know. I hope to do something like this next year around this time if life permits. Other than that, get a drink, some dancing in, talk to new people—the night is yours! Enjoy the party.

[fcrmula]

What do you think about how fandom treats N in general? Is there something about your own portrayal that you're particularly proud of? How are you feeling today?

i forgot to put the prompt link in

i'm putting the answer to the first question under a read more because i have........ opinions.

UMMMM UMMMMMMMM .... i dunno. i think i have a good grasp on how he speaks? he's very easy for me to write in general really... ermm and i have put a lot of thought into him in general. and i do my best to make him feel like a... human? like okay i do have him be a little puppy-like in child verse for shitposts but i do my best to make sure that the fact that n is, no matter what, a human. him being human is an inevitability he can't escape, but also like... i let him be petty and i let him have no qualms getting all covered in dirt and i let him get a little silly sometimes. not just stock infallible prettyboy who is never genuinely awkward or never has Moments Of Stupid. i think i do... an at least Okay job of getting across that he is Only Human After All

unfortunately a little sleepy and brainless </3 been feeling like that a lot lately actually and it's putting... a big damper on not only my writing ability but my ability for one-on-one conversation (harder for me than talking to a general audience like the dash/in a server, for. for some reason) waiting for a package right now so maybe that will heal me when it finally gets here

now we get into. my. opinions................

okay this is about to get extremely salty and you migjt already have guessed what this is about (or possibly already know because you looked at the tags) but: the n is a zoroark theory fucking sucks and i hate it. he is literally so much more interesting as a human who cannot be anything BUT human no matter how hard he tries. fuck your "evidence" here's MY evidence 

it makes no logical sense for him to be a zoroark in general because. um. why would he be convinced he's a human. why would he have been disguised as a human while in the woods with no humans around and ANOTHER ZORUA BY HIS SIDE. WHY WOULD ANTHEA AND CONCORDIA TALK ABOUT 5HE REASON FOR HIS ABANDONMENT BEING "HE DISTURBED PEOPLE WITH BEHAVIOR SUGGESTING HE COULD TALK TO POKEMON" WHY WOULD HE CLEARLY STRUGGLE WITH BEING BETWEEN POKEMON AND HUMAN IF HE WAS A POKEMON. HE SPEAKS ABOUT HIMSELF IN A WAY THAT IS DISTANT FROM BOTH POKEMON AND HUMANS BECAUSE HE’S A HUMAN WHO DOESN’T FEEL LIKE A HUMAN. IF HE WAS A POKEMON THERE WOULD BE LITERALLY ZERO CONFLICT...? WHY WOULD GHETSIS NEED TO ADOPT A SPECIFIC ZORUA AND RAISE IT TO ADULTHOOD THEN TELL IT HE'S ASHAMED TO SHARE A SURNAME WITH IT AND WHY IN GOD’S NAME WOULD HE BOTHER MANIPULATING A POKEMON FOR YEARS WHEN HE’S CLEARLY NOT ABOVE FORCING POKEMON TO DO WHAT HE WANTS. WHY WOULD HE EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE N ENOUGH TO CALL HIM A FREAK WITHOUT A HUMAN HEART AND NOT JUST BE LIKE “YOU’RE LITERALLY A POKEMON SHUT UP” IF A TALKING DOG MADE YOU MAD WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD THINK TO CALL IT A FREAK WITHOUT A HUMAN HEART. THE POINT OF THE INSULT IS “YOUR BODY IS HUMAN BUT YOUR HEART ISN’T”. WHY WOULD HE EVEN BOTHER TELLING THE POKEMON HE'S ITS DAD IT WOULD CLEARLY FUCKING KNOW THAT ISN'T TRUE. IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SEEEEENSE

HE IS LITERALLY JUST AUTISTIC. THAT'S IT. HE IS AUTISTIC. DON'T MAKE HIM A NONHUMAN???? 

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HE IS JUST PLAIN AND SIMPLE SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING AS A HUMAN CHARACTER IN EVERY WAY DOES ANYONE WHO ACTUALLY LIKES AND THINKS A LOT ABOUT N EVEN BELIEVE THSI THEORY BECAUSE I CANNOT FATHOM IT IT GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING INTERESTING ABOUT HIM

............ i have a lot of feelings about that "theory" and all of them are negative. i don't mind aus where he's a pokemon but if you suggest that it's canon i'll go nuts. and don’t come at me with “it’s just a thought/idea” because if you call it a theory then you think it has footing in canon, whether originally intended or not. call it your damn headcanon if you don’t think it’s real but you just like the concept. and sorry if you like that theory but like.... reconsider, maybe? especially because he is so very autismpilled and basically saying "he acts weird because he's secretly NOT A HUMAN" is fucked up. it gets me so viscerally upset i had to skip the entire portion of izzzyzzz's pokemon iceberg video that talked about it ..... other than that i do not touch the fandom at large i don't trust fandoms in general and i especially do not trust them with n my darling n. outside of people i personally know i only trust a select few fanartists/adjacents who Get him. ALSO if anyone especially some rando tries to respond here to talk about that theory and explain why it's Good Actually....... i will simply block them on sight. it’s not a matter of if you believe in it/don’t mind it i just don’t want you trying to convince me it’s real or fine or good i DON’T CARE i don’t want to hear it! and i don’t care if it’s prefaced with “but I’M autistic” well autistic people can have bad taste and you’re one of them get out of my house

[ashesandstars]

.⋆｡⋆☂˚｡1k mutual appreciation post⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆.

honestly WHY i hit one thousand followers on this account??? i have no idea, but i appreciate every one of y'all so much <3333

but i have to say that the best part about shitposting on this account is the friends i've been lucky enough to make <3 so let me try to show my appreciation for the wonderful moots i have <3333333

EXTRA appreciation for these babes:

@sunflowersandpansies i love you so much baby <333 you’re amazing and i just. love talking to you everyday <33 you’re always there for me and m so happy i have you around stinky :)

@dorcasmeadowesx hi dorcy :) you’re amazing and adorable and i love you <333 thank you for talking to me everyday about different things, backing me up against marls when she talks about how pizza is ‘glorified grilled cheese, and just, being there for me overall

@marlene-asks i love you dolly. thank you for being so sweet and kind and always there for me. you need to take better care of yourself though- PLEASE sleep more you NEED IT >:( also good job on cutting down your caffeine babydoll :)

@daisyyy2516 thank you for being so kind and checking on me and being here for me :) i know it may sound weird but i love when you ask for help or when i’m able to help you with stuff for school :) i am so incredibly proud of you and i love you so much <3

@lovelymione hi darling!! i just wanna say that i love you and that you are adorable. you always say such cute things and jajljsg yeah i love you

@narcissaneeblack hi bestie!!! i love you. you are always so warm and kind and fun, and you’re so tiny i just think its adorable- also you are so beautiful and jdkalgjalkfja wow. you are just the whole package. i love you bestie <3333

@philocxlyy jennn!! pumpkin you are the sweetest and i love you so much. you are amazing and i hope you are able to see that too pumpkin. if you ever need to talk baby i’m here for you :)

@quindolyn jkasdjak honestly i still can’t believe we’re moots sometimes quinnie :/ i feel like you’re genuinely FAMOUS and i’m like 🧍‍♀️ anyway i love your writing and you, and i hope we can become closer sooner lovely <3333

@mullthingsoverinthehotwater ev!!! you were my first official moot after i came back to tumblr and i honestly can say that i love you <3 you’re so sweet and cute and bestie i’m in lurve with you

@maybanksslut girl!!! you gorgeous girl i think you are fantabulous. you are incredibly funny and chaotic and even though we’re not super close everytime i see you on my dash i think you are hilarious and it cracks me up. i love you bitchhhh

@imaslutforremuslupin kimber!!! i’m so jealous of your shifting stories and sdjklfjdaslfg i love them at the same time <3 you are so funny and cool and 😎 i lub you

@pinkandblueblurbs kill i... don’t know what to say except i am still intimidated by you a lot of the time 😐 but you are so incredibly nice and warm and your writing??? superb. marvelous. leaves me speechless. i hope we can become closer (??? if you want-) and i.. yeah.

@st0nesnglitter bo! i.. don’t know why you follow me but i think you’re very cool and very fun from like, the brief conversations we have but i think you are an amazing writer and an amazing person that i would love to get to know better :)

and to the rest of you moots, i love you y’all so much too <3333 :

@shadesofvelma @mnachopsis @ronbrokemyheart @freddieweasleyswife @acosmis-t @thotbutpurple @illiicitarts  @songsai  @mellifluous-cosmos @mary-needs-a-new-name @daddyr0n @transparentcloudbeliever @tylerissirius @justadreamyhufflepuff @keepawaythenargles @faeinorbit @inureflower @crystal-dee @fjorelaant @lillsthoughts

[hunxi-guilai]

hello! i've been a big fan of this blog and while i'm sad you're going to slowly start phasing it out, i feel like you should do what you feel you need to do. also, i'm very sorry that this became stressful instead of fun! i did want to ask if you were still going to reblog posts here, even if you stop making your own meta/content? not that you have to! i'm just hoping that people haven't like, run you off the fandom entirely. (1/2)

also the last anon question you got was Very Yikes and i'm sorry you had to deal with it. i wish people would stop and use google for 5 seconds before asking you stuff. i hope you have a good day and that your year becomes less stressful! (2/2)

hi there! that’s a good question; when I talked about phasing out this blog, I did mean that I wasn’t planning to tend to my queue as much! I, uh, put more effort than I’d like to admit into my tags, so I am planning to eventually let my queue trickle out. it might run out in a week or two, depending on what catches my eye in the never-ending stream of content on my dash, but it’ll be a lot of time I can reclaim to work on other things

and I wouldn’t say I’ve been run out of the fandom! more like... generally burnt out (cinnamon roll, slightly charred). of course, various factors that lead to burn out include putting in a frankly terrifying amount of emotional labor in writing/responding to certain asks/conversations/hot takes in fandom, but also like... I put over 200,000 words on the internet about/related to CQL in 2020 alone, so I gotta take a moment to pump the brakes a bit. relax and consume some more media. think about life. engage with other media in less intensive ways. maybe shitpost occasionally. you know how it is! 

I feel like I'm the kind of person who spends years quietly tending to my garden of thoughts, and it just so happened that last year was a harvest year. and it was absolutely lit, let me tell you. but now it’s time to turn the dirt. to plant something new. and to tend to it with the same love and care and forgiveness, no matter what it ends up becoming

[sonybees]

mutuals appreciation post!

i seriously CANNOT at all process this

literally i do not know how this even happened but i am so inexplicably grateful for every single one of you! i love all of you so so much!

i was maybe thinking about making a sleepover but school has been kicking my ass lately so i just decided on making a little mutuals appreciation post! to all my other mutuals, i love all of you so much and i literally want to smother all of you with hugs and kisses. i am so grateful for all of you. thank you.

this might be a little long so it’s under the cut! there might be a lot of mistakes snsjd

@lunaleonorah leo!!! you are an absolute blessing. i love your kindness and the amount of affection you give me literally makes me wanna break down and scream. in a good way of course sjjs. i love our conversations where we just talk about our days and all that. i wish we could always be friends and you can tell me anything you’d like. i love our friendship because we can talk to each other whenever we’d like and will always bring comfort to each other. i always look forward to having conversations with you everyday. ilysm and you deserve the world <3 all the love, pluto.

@gredmforge rory, my wife! i love talking to you about nonsense, it always makes my day and your fun and carefree personality always makes me smile. no doubt that we will be great friends in real life. the little asks you send in my inbox always make me laugh and i’m very excited for whatever future works you have. you always seemed so nice and sweet ever since i first interacted with you and i am so happy that i asked you where you got your memes because look what that got us to! shsjdjd. no but seriously, i love talking to you about our obsessions and just saying hello to each other. ilysm and i hope you always remember that! :) <3

@crookedhag my lovely eliz, i’m too lazy to make another one of those fancy scrolls that i did earlier but that doesn’t stop me from showin gmy appreciation for you. you are such a sweet and amazing person. you are also so talented and i am always so happy to see your name pop up on my notifications. you were always the first one to send me an ask for ask games and you always check in on me and i love you for that. i wish the very best in everything you do. you have great taste in music and i’m starting to think that you’re in every single fandom i don’t know jsjsj. but i love talking to you and ily! mwah! ◡̈

@oldschoolkiddo hero! the first time you ever interacted with me, i already knew that i would love having you around. you are such a fun person and all the tag games that you make and tag me in are always so fun! you are an independent person and i love that so much. you speak your mind and that is so powerful. you are so very sweet and your personality is so fun. i hope that you have many great days in the future and you can always talk to me whenever you need to. let me know if you want a distraction from anything or if you just want to rant, i will be here. ily!

@krasivayadarling my lovely ant! i am so very glad that i built up the courage to say hi to you when you made that post saying you wanted to be friends with new people. you are one of the best people i’ve ever met and you are so sweet, kind, talented, funny, and supportive. i am also so grateful for your support in my fics. you were my first ever supporter and i was really nervous for someone to read my works but you were so nice about it and i love that. i wish you all the best. ily, ant! sincerely, soap.

@whatthefuckimbisexual the loveliest persephone, you are such a bad bitch. JSJS NO BUT SRSLY ILYSM. you are such a fun person and i love how we can relate to each other a lot. i mean, staying up til 3 am and fuck aral pan yk? ejekdj. i really wish you the best in everything and i hope that we can interact more! you are truly one of the most fun and energetic people i’ve ever met and you are so very sweet and funny. thank you for being a great person! all the love <3

@falconxbarnes maddie! you add such a sweet and great person and when you reblog and like my posts, my heart fills with joy! your blog brings me so much comfort and i love our short little conversations. you remind me of going out at 5 am when the sun is almost out. the joy is always evident when that happens just like how i feel when i talk to you! i wish to eat pancit canton with you one day! i really wish you the best in everything and you deserve so many good things. mwah!

@amourtentiaa liane! you are literally so talented and it amazes me every time i read your works. you are so fun and chill and seeing your name always makes me happy! your blog page is filled with so much comfort in my opinion and our first conversation ever was so fun and you are so polite. you also really remind me of the night. i can’t explain why but like i said, you are chill and brings me a lot of comfort! i really love the way you interact with others as you are so kind. i hope you are doing well and always will feel well. ily, yannie!

@puntuations oh my gosh, ysa! you followed me first and i didn’t exactly understand why because you seemed too cool and mature for me djdj. but i am so glad you did and i am so grateful that you’re my friend. thank you for tagging me in dps related things! i really love that and it brings me so much joy. you were always so kind to me no matter what and you are so respectful. i appreciate you and your blog always makes me smile. thank you for being an amazing friend. ilysm, ysa. mwah!

@tofeeltaller joy! you bring me so much joy! sjdndjdn sorry, i had to. you are so so sweet and kind. i was always so scared to interact with dps blogs because they seemed intimidating but so nice at the same time (idk why i’m sorrydhjd), i thought y’all were too cool for me and i didn’t know how to approach you guys but after i got the courage to talk to you, i felt a lot more comfortable. you are so sweet and kind and you deserve so much more blessings. you truly are an amazing person and i hope that your days will get better and better. giving you so many warm hugs and kisses, mwah!

@lolremuslupin dkndkx omg you are so sweet! i don’t interact with you much but we do talk sometimes. i am also very glad that i decided to pm you to try and make new friends and you were so kind about it. you are such an amazing person and i love staying up at 3 am talking to you about random crap. i wish that your life will go well and that you are always safe! warm hugs!

@punkrific soaf, my twin! i really love talking to you and your energy is always so great. you are an amazing and fun person and having a twin like you always makes me feel like the luckiest ever. i am so so grateful to have you as a friend and your dashing personality always gets me. ilysm and i wish you the best! love, the ugly sofia <3

@freddieweasleyswife sweets! i’ve never met someone as sweet and kind as you are. you’re an amazing person and you deserve so much and you are so talented. i wish to write like you one day. my day is always better when I see your name in my notifications being friends with someone as amazing as you are is so great and i wosh to interact with you more. i miss talking to you and you’re always so kind and ready to comfort anyone. ilysm and you deserve the world. sincerely, sweetpea. <3

@sam-winchester-is-my-bitch rae! i love talking to you and seeing your pets! you are so kind, sweet and understanding and you really know how to make me smile. whenever i talk to you, it’s always so wholesome and nice and you give off so much good vibes. you really are like the color yellow to me, sunny, nice, but can be serious at times. but is always ready to cheer someone up. i wish you the best in everything and i hope that we can talk more! all the love <3

@daltonacademia kendi! i know you’re on a short hiatus at the moment but i just had to add you in here. i really hope that you are doing well and i hope you know that your writing is literally one of the best that i’ve ever read. you are so sweet and kind and you always have that little fun and sunny personality and i love talking to you so much. you are so respectful and you deserve so much. i’m sending you all the love and comfort. you are amazing and i hope you know that. stay safe, kendi! i really love that nicknamejsjs

@thatswhywilliamagedlikesourmilk dear! i am so glad that you followed my page and i am so so grateful that i’m friends with you. you are one of the best people ever and you are so so sweet. the most adorable person ever! talking to you feels like hugging a teddy bear and i am aware that that doesn’t make much sense but it just feels so comfy and brings me joy. i really hope that you’re doing well because you also deserve everything! sending you so many hugs <3 mwah!

@fredweasleyismyloverman alex, my dear! you are so kind and nice! i’m really glad i followed you. just a little fun fact, i actually found you through ant or @krasivayadarling . i was reading through some people who she gave ships to and i saw yours and i was like “oh my gosh, this person and i are literally the same.” and i went crazy because it looked almost exactly the same as my description hdjdjd. i’m actually not that sure if it went like that but that’s how i recalled it so i just always remember thatsbns. i literally relate to you so much and your shitposts give me life. you are so wise and amazing and i would love to talk to you more! ily, dear! mwah <3

@daisyyy2516 daze, dear! i am so happy that sab led ke to your page! literally, you are so damn talented and i just cannot i am always so amazed every time you show your works. you are so kind and sweet and such an icon. you bring me so much joy and everything you’ve ever said to me has always been something sweet and funny. ilysm and you deserve the world. i’d like if you dm’ed me once you’ve gotten your work displayed at some huge art exhibition. you are so amazing and i want you to know that. everything will be better. i appreciate you and i am so glad that you are in this world. i love you sm, daze. frd weasley loves you too. all the love and joy, soaf.

@sirlorelai lorie!! you are so nice and kind and sweet. i’m very glad that you weren’t angry at me spam reblogging your postsjsjd. i love our conversations and i wish we could talk more! you are such a kind and funny person and everything you’ve ever done has put a smile to my face. you are so fun and energetic and i love that. i hope that life is going well over there and that everything will be better if it isn’t at the moment. you deserve so much and ilysm, mwah!

@quadrupledeckertaco lorelei, dear! i miss talking to you! i really love our conversations and your soft but fierce personality is so great and it brings me so much joy. your writing is literally so amazing and like i said, i aspire to write like you one day. i miss you so much and i really hope that everything’s well. i wish you the best and sending you so much love, sofia. <3

and to all my other mutuals! thank you! i love all of you so much and interacting with all of you brings me so much joy. thank you for everything. have a great day everyone!

[badassxbirdy]

Edit: 2nd February - I’m back home after visiting family, which means I finally have PC access! Thank you for your patience with the mobile formatting. I’ll be queueing the remaining replies to post over the next couple of days, and a new activity update is on the way!

January Activity Update! (Pinned)

It’s time once again for the monthly activity update! These posts help me to keep track of what the frick I’ve been doing, particularly when tumblr breaks or the brainfog strikes. This update only includes activity for December and the first three days of January. Everything else can be found over on my thread tracker (here). I believe I’m up to date at the time of queueing this on the 3rd, so please let me know if I’ve missed anything!

The full activity update (along with OOC house keeping) is below the cut Bolded text = links.

If you want to see all IC interactions without the other stuff, click here. If you’d like to start something new, I have opens, or you can hit up the memes. Alternatively you can just message me to say “WHAT UP, NERD” if you’d like to chat.

Important: I’m still on mobile only access at the moment. I’ll be using my mobile tag, so feel free to block it if the formatting becomes annoying to see. The tag is “mobile post: em’s on the move”

Alrighty, onto the update!

Threads, replies, and other IC interactions:

Car trouble - @demcnsinmymind (in the queue, will post before this does!)

Graveyard ghost hunt - @derschwarzeengel (in the queue, will post before this does!)

Tiger offers a ride - @exigencism (in the queue, will post before this does!)

Making their escape - @derschwarzeengel

Jail! - @derschwarzeengel

Time to ask a million questions. 😂 - @derschwarzeengel

“You know, usually when the bar is dead like this I don’t entirely strive for conversation.” - @blutschatten

Damon encounters dark!Ty - @derschwarzeengel

Meeting Pyramid Head - @rxdpyramidthxng

Injury prompt - @heavenguided

Drowning in rum (Dylan) - @normallyxstrange

Hunter talk (Joshua) - @wolfhymns

Meeting Hyde!Ty - @harkcr

Hunters are hypocrites - @derschwarzeengel

First meetings: at the bar - @dcnctgcgentle

“You aren’t supposed to be here.” - @razorfst

Dangerous animals >>>> Santa - @demonstigma

{Removed}

Tyler do be stabby sometimes. - @delabor

Banishment - @the-immortals-assistant

Tyler meets Lilith (ending! ❤️) - @magaprima

Crash (Eddie & Venom) - @omniishambles

“Once a hunter always a hunter, right?” - @hellshoundtm

“Can I draw you?” - @etcor

OTP REUNION AND I AM CRY. - @nightiingaled

“Salt hurts, but there’s somethin’ extra fucky about holy water.” - @hellshoundtm

“Need some help?” - @wraith-of-christmas-future

Ty goes from 👁👄👁 to 😤 - @tobeblamed

Coffee shop shenanigans (Carla) - @normallyxstrange

Investigating creepy places - @the-immortals-assistant

Running from the cops - @lcbcshcart

“I was just trying to help.” (Casey) - @normallyxstrange

Headcanons, memes, and assorted silliness:

Ty’s Christmas mischief! Her gift giving and assorted shitposts from the month can be found under that tag. RIP to the new folks whose first introduction to Tyler was all of this holiday shenanigans. ☠️

Dash commentaries

Only Ty is allowed to insult her emotional support Darklighter. 😤

Protecting 2022 like…

Tyler + New Years and mistletoe

“…I’m feelin’ very attacked right now.”

Tyler and Eli’s progress. 🥺

Tyler + Freedom of choice

Sleep habits

Platonic romanticism

Tyler + the Christmas spirit

Lock picking gripes

BUT WHAT IF YOU’RE PEEING, DAMON?

OOC Houskeeping:

Tidying the thread tracker some more, so I’ll be messaging folks I haven’t heard from in a while to see if things are dropped! Organisation? Me?! A rare sight to behold indeed. 😂

I’ve updated the blog description to make it clearer at a glance that non-mutuals are welcome here.

There are a fair number of broken links on my pages due to the tumblr url/tagging update. I’m working on fixing them, however it’s a bit slow to do on mobile.

New year, new avatar! Thank you to the folks who helped me choose. Look how cute she is!

As mentioned above, I’m still on mobile for the time being and will be tagging accordingly. I also have a new mobile post banner:

I believe that’s everything, but as always if I’ve missed something please do let me know! Stay safe, stay hydrated, and happy new year! ❤️ — Em

[j-reau]

a hiatus or something

I didn’t want to post this. I told myself to give it until morning and sleep but I’ve been laying here for over an hour and I can’t sleep and I know I’m not going to sleep until I get it out. And I decided I’m not going to do the pretend things don’t bother us mentality that tumblr likes, the don’t show emotions on the dashboard, don’t let people know you’re hurt or angry out of fear it’ll be seen as ~drama or whatever thing stop me from just saying how I feel. Because I feel pretty shitty? I’ve been feeling shitty for a few days now. Maybe more. Last week I told myself that the drama that had randomly cropped up was just too much and I wasn’t going to let tumblr be something that made me cry or panic or kept me up at night over bullshit like arguing with someone over things that happened years ago. So I set my focus on my friends, on my dashboard, on reminding myself why I love RP and why I’ve been in it for this many years, for so long, with all of these people. Those Valentines I posted were part of that project for me. It was a reminder, for myself and my dash about all of the human connection that happens here, all the people we meet, all the little pieces of each other we take on and take with us, all the ships, all the conversations, however brief.  From the people we just see on our dash to the ones we talk to about all our fears and insecurities. And how all of it matters. 

I know how much we all love to say calm down gregg, it’s tumblr RP. I know how we all loathe this hellsite when we’re being our worst. I know how we all talk about how we’re too old for this now or we’re tired. We’re just here to write. I’m just here to write. I love writing. But what brings us all back time and time again, what keeps us here is the fact that it’s not just tumblr RP. It’s a community. Whether you have a real life that keeps you busy or your whole life is here, whether you have plenty of friends offline or all your closes people live on discord, we’re all people. And we all take this with us. We make friendships and we talk to each other. We open ourselves up to the constant trust and fear of interaction, of  plotting, of who is going to reach out or send the meme. We build friendships based on that, we care for each other, we see each other’s bad days on the dash, and great days and inspiration. And it means something. It may just be tumblr RP, but it matters to us. Because of the people here, because we give a fuck about each other. Or at least I’ve always liked to hope we do. I have friends on this website I’ve had for ten years, some just for 3, and others just a few months. It always floors me how we can always come back to it, how we stick with each other or don’t, how we see the good and the bad and the ugly. 

So to get on with it, I wrote those Valentines.  I hit refresh on my blog and put the weird random drama in the past and moved forward. I made this blog for JJ only about 3 months ago. I don’t know how I got 500 followers in that short time but I did. And it’s. been the wildest experience I can possibly explain, having that happen so quickly, finding so many people out in the RPC that I hadn’t before on my other blogs. I felt fucking good. I was excited. Not just to write a character I had wanted to and loved for years but to find so many people who I vibed with. I remember writing a post about a month in and being so fucking ... floored. By how much I loved you all, by how amazing it was to be received like that still, to find people my age and who wrote things I liked and loved their female characters. I fucking love JJ. I LOVE THE SHIT out of my partners on this blog, even the new people I’m still itching to write with. And yet, I did that little refresh, posted my valentines , got ready to go and felt .... sad. 

I tried to explain it. I tried to tell myself it was a bad mood. I hoped maybe it was medication. But I couldn’t shake the weird funk. And everywhere I looked it seemed like things were .... not good. My friends taking breaks, people feeling sad too, relationships splitting, people I liked and respected separating themselves. Tonight, one of my closest friends I’ve made on this blog blocked me. Someone I adored and trusted and absolutely loved to write with. Tumblr says we’re not supposed to care. That we’re supposed to let people draw their lines in the sand and take their leave and maybe we are. Maybe it’s important to let people make their choices. But I also think it’s important as fuck to talk to your friends, to mean what you say when you tell someone they’re important to you. I think it’s important that we remember on the other side of every blog and discord user is a person. Who has bad days and bad feelings and cries and feels insecure and tells themselves it’s just tumblr RP even when they know somehow it feels heavier when it’s bad. This was a friend I had talked to at length about all of those exact things, about how personal the community can feel sometimes, about feeling replaceable or invisible, even for the toughest most confident most take no shit people. I’ve always considered myself a pretty tough, confident, take no shit person. I think anyone who has known me for as many years as I’ve been around has seen that first hand. I don’t like how sad I’ve felt lately. I don’t like the insecurity that’s making me want to know why things feel way or why people vanish without so much as an explanation. I had to block a mutual last week I saw making fun of me on their twitter. A mutual. Someone who chose to follow me and on a public place where my other friends could see it made fun of what I posted. And I just don’t know what we’re doing anymore. It didn’t bother me. I don’t have hurt feelings over it. That’s the kind of stuff I definitely know I’m confident about. But .... it did really fucking floor me. Because here we are, on a sight where users talk about positivity and not sending anon hate, and we can treat each other like that. 

I’ve been sitting up in bed for hours trying to figure out what to say or what to do. That’s what I do I guess. I try to figure out what to do, how we fix it, like somehow there’s some unified we and some responsibility to make things better. A lot of you have only known me for a few months so this probably sounds all kinds of nuts. And you’re probably going JJ you’ve been an emotional mess since the moment we met you. Because I feel like that’s how it’s been for the last few months. But that’s not how it’s always been for me. That’s not who I am. So for now I guess I’m just trying to figure out what I do. Instead of sitting here and spinning and trying to figure out how we as a community fix these gaping holes and the way we talk about each other like we’re disposable and treat each other like names on a list instead of people. 

For now, I think what I do is take a little break. It’s the very thing I don’t want to do. Because it feels like quitting and it feels like being scared away. So I feel the need to promise whoever has read all of this and myself that that’s not what it is. Maybe I’ll be back in two days, maybe two weeks, who knows. But I need a break. From whatever this feeling is that seems to have come over things lately. I’ve loved these few months on this blog so much. And maybe that’s half the problem. Maybe I got spoiled and this is the come down. Maybe I’m just an idiot who thinks what we all want on this website is to find people and love each other and write together. I never knew that me -- the person often accused of being aloof and feelingsless and distant would somehow turn into the emotional bitch on this website but here we are I guess. I just don’t know how to navigate this anymore. I don’t know how to put my heart into relationships and friendships that can just be switched off like we can just stop caring about people. I don’t know how to ignore people who say horrible things and do horrible things to each other just because we don’t want to see it on our dashes. I don't know how to give enough of everything to everyone so that every single one of my mutuals and partners knows they’re valuable to me. I don’t know what I hope to accomplish. I don’t know when I got to be so much of a raw, frayed edge on tumblr dot com but that’s how I feel. And I hope in a few days or sometime soon I’ll have an answer or at least get my hard shell back.

I want to keep writing. I want to keep talking to you guys. I don’t want to lose anyone. I truly mean what I say when I say you’re all important to me. I plan to still be around on discord. I’ll write on discord if anyone wants to keep writing. If we aren’t discord friends yet and you want to be, send a message. I plan to come back. I don’t want to abandon anything. I’m so deeply fucking sorry for this rant, for all the overflow of feelings lately, for anyone that’s had to listen to them, for putting them on your dashes, for fucking all of it. Please be good to each other. Please talk to each other. Please remember that if we’ve crossed paths at any point on this blog, I value you. I value all of your friendships, your writing, your shitposts, your dash commentary, your tiktoks you dump at me on discord. I love you. Every last fucking one of you. 

[tsuyokuma]

so uh , *  GENERAL PLOTTING DISCLAIMER !

before i attempt to do more plotting calls, i just wanna be upfront about my plotting process so anyone who may want to plot can be aware, and set the stage for like less awkward approaches (for me, i feel like the awkward one 100% of the time). 1)  language: you don’t have to feel obligated to be formal with me, or like small-talky with me. i’m very informal, and it makes me comfortable when we just talk like besties, shitpost, joke around. we don’t have to discuss things like two people organizing a project, or like polite co-workers. yell ideas at me!!! let loose. to be frank, formal or like overly polite conversation feels stiff, to me, and sometimes makes me anxious. just be as casual and blunt, open and honest as possible, leave formalities at the door, and we’ll have a good time. 2)  getting to it: to be honest, despite all this time that i’ve been here??? i’ve barely used plotting invitations for dynamics. winging it and spontaneity has always been my crutch. usually it’d end up being from casual discussions, or straight from dash shenanigans—but then again i had the most experience with canon muses, where i mostly leaned on the established relationships they had, canon is a shortcut forreal—so this element is so??? it is kind of relatively new to me. though i do want to experiment more with plotting, i’m so not that great when i’m like on the spot, having to spew out ideas right away (a little anxiety inducing, ngl). i think the best way to plot is just casually popping in when inspiration sparks like “hey, what if ...” and expanding that conversation. we love a “no pressure” atmosphere here.

[charcubed]

Don’t be shy, share the take 👀

Okay, so last night I bitched in a mini tag rant saying how everyone on my dash was reblogging the same post with the same bad take and it was driving me bonkers, and then this anon sent me this message, and since I have now seen the post on my dash yet again, I will answer this ask lol.

Also this is an SPN-related topic so anyone not in SPN fandom can keep it moving lol

Before I say anything else though: I’m not out here trying to be a Fun Killer or whatever. Please note how I habitually stay in my lane and simply do not interact with posts that I do not like on this site. Do me the same courtesy and keep scrolling if you don’t like what I am about to say! I am also not trying to shade any mutuals who may have reblogged content I dislike. So... I’m gonna keep this very general, because it’s a wider topic anyway. And I know I’m not the only person who feels this way, based on private conversations (with long-time fans, too).

2 main points of contention:

-If people want to talk badly about Jared they can simply do so without involving Misha or Jensen’s name in it with what is typically bad meme-y format posts, coupled with unwittingly bad takes about Misha and Jensen in the process. I am being vague here on purpose, sorry, but whatever.

-And, mostly: this website is developing a problem with wanting to either call Jensen in particular homophobic or queer without using those exact words, and the result in either instance is people coming up with increasingly convoluted ways to be weird about him or towards him. It’s like either they can’t get a read on him so they want to disparage him, or they think they’ve clocked him but don’t want to mention it, and what ends up being posted in word salad hot takes under the guise of enlightenment is either... literal disgusting slurs (fruity, fag, dyke, etc) whether about Dean or Jensen or both, or the idea that Dean is bi but it was an accident and Jensen couldn’t possibly have been aware of that because it happened beyond his will, or that Dean and/or Jensen is simply repressed, or that Jensen wants to fuck Dean, or ????????

And it’s very like... literally what the FUCK are you even saying and why are you saying it, lol. I get that there’s a certain Style Of Typing that’s becoming popular in this fandom on this site right now, and it’s often in the name of this sort of exaggerated joke posting. But half the time people are just slinging around words and everyone thinks it’s funny and (seemingly) not enough people stop to think twice about how it is, more often than not now, getting fucking weird.

Is it a big concerning deal (beyond the slurs thing, which is absolutely inexcusable)? Nah, not yet. But the numbers are getting huge on some of these posts, and that makes me grind my teeth more, because it means this overall attitude/joke posting format is spreading throughout the fandom hivemind with very little resistance. And it’s upping the frequency of that sort of language and shitposting. So while things that stay on Tumblr don’t have huge impact, right now a lot of things are also transferring over to Twitter as fandom and stan culture has shifted. And that’s when we get into Dangerous Territory On The Wider Stage that can trend or route back to actors, especially because of how Twitter algorithms have changed recently. (I can elaborate on that if need be.)

Really the bottom line though is that I am seeing multiple variations / posts along the line of the same thought process, where the actors of this show (especially Jensen and Misha) seem to be casually dehumanized in language I find startling and off-putting, and people are getting this mental disconnect where they’re forgetting that it’s not okay to say certain things about real people even in the name of jokes. It’s even pushing it when it’s characters, but when it’s about the actors it’s the crossing of a double line. So it’s becoming normalized, and then people don’t stop and think twice, and the posts just circulate because they’re “funny,” and then I see the same thing on my dash 8 times and feel like I’m going insane. 

It bothers me and makes scrolling on my dash a minefield of discomfort, but yes, it’s not like that’s going to be seen by the real people in question as of now because Tumblr is Tumblr... but if this mindset becomes pervasive and normalized enough, what happens is people then become even further desensitized especially the kids who are new to fandom, and then in 8 months we’re gonna have some teenager at a con talking about Jensen’s “lesbian photoshoots” to his fucking face and also asking him how he feels about being overtaken by the spirit of a “repressed bisexual character.” The prospect of which makes me feel like I’m going to grow grey hairs.

So. Yeah. There you have it lmao. I am once again asking everyone to stop being weird about real people and queer topics (whether IRL or fictional), be mindful of language, and notice what they’re actually saying or implying in the name of jokes. But, feel free to think ~I take things too seriously~ or am exhibiting ~fake concern~ and just keep scrolling and ignore me though! I am simply answering the question.

[qinghe-s]

GETTING TO KNOW ME

i was tagged by @melodious-tear ♥

why did you choose your url?

i feel like that’s obvious to anyone who’s followed me for, like, two days. i know where my heart belongs. besides, the aesthetic of cql!qinghe fucks

any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

well, this. i also run @masseffectcaps although i haven’t posted in a few months; i probably will again once i get my hands on the legendary edition. i started it because original default female shepard didn’t get the respect she deserves from bioware especially. don’t get me started on this bc i will not shut up. i have a lot of feelings.

@celestecraft used to be popular on mineblr; i went on a lot of adventures while playing with a small group of friends and wanted to save them in some way + sharing a hobby is fun. in the past i also had a fairly well-known lgbtq+ blog and a terry pratchett-centric one but that was years ago and my energy to keep up with providing things for others (rather than just enjoying myself) waned.

how long have you been on tumblr?

t...twelve years by now... oh no

do you have a queue tag?

nah. i used to, on my personal, but i almost exclusively post things through the queue so it doesn’t feel like it matters.

why did you start your blog in the first place?

i was lured into this fandom because a good friend of mine played a character based on him in a d&d oneshot and i was immediately and helplessly charmed, saw this gifset a little while later and told her “this. this will make me watch your show” and, well.

it started consuming enough brain space, especially as i was reading the book, that it made sense to keep it contained rather than expose my original followers to this endlessly when they come for — actually i don’t know. pretentious aesthetic and me being gay over star trek women (well, janeway, mainly) and crying over mass effect?

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

that woman is wife city to me. it was nhs previously because... baby

why did you choose your header?

it matches my blog background on desktop. that’s it. it’s for the aesthetic.

what’s your post with the most notes?

on this blog it’s probably this one of me calling lwj a bitch (honorific). i believe this wangxian fic i wrote for vday is a close second. (a couple of my gifsets of nie mingjue looking beautiful are gaining though which is very pleasing to me)

i also have a few posts that have reached the thousands on my mass effect blog, but i don’t keep track of those anymore.

how many followers do you have?

five hundred... something. six hundred? who knows.

how many people do you follow?

a couple of hundred? many are lgbtq+ resource blogs that post very infrequently though, so my dash generally isn’t that cluttered

have you ever made a shitpost?

a couple! i’m not all that funny (perk of being my friend is that you’ll always be the funny one, it’s the main service i provide) but the bitch!lwj one and an outofcontextyaoi text post edit.

how often do you use tumblr each day?

ehh, depends. some days i’ll only check in at night and refresh the dash once in a while when doing other things, other days my brain requires constant input and i’ll open the app on my phone every hour. there is no average.

did you have a fight/argument with a blog once?

yeah, but not here. i pissed a lot of people off a few years ago when i expressed my opinion on sexist portrayals of women in video games in general and mass effect specifically. my opinion was sexism = bad and some people decided that i was wrong and it’s empowering to put career soldiers in styled hair and a full face of makeup for the sake of marketing, actually, while male characters get to have weathered faces and grey hair. it was a fun time. (it was not)

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this post’?

my dashboard is carefully curated and i never see those posts. are they still common? because they suck. don’t guilt people into caring.

do you like tag games?

mostly, yeah! sometimes they require energy i simply don’t have but i also think they’re a nice way to interact without having a direct conversation

do you like ask games?

i’m a lot less fond of those, personally. the chain letter type in particular.

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

a lot of them are well known in the fandom actually! which makes me question why they follow me but i am always flattered

do you have a crush on a mutual?

oh absolutely @evakant since we decided we were willing to die for each other after one conversation. wenzhou levels of love happening here.

i’m gonna tag already-mentioned @evakant because reasons but also some people i see in my notes a lot but haven’t talked to — feel free to ignore but also let’s be friends ♥

@shippingsavesmylife @radishsizhui @ahatfullofwords @inappropriatewenning @whateverthemoonhasalwaysmeant