hashira accidentally touch your chest
Authorâs Note: pls and ty enjoy this tidbit of crack-fluff. đđ
hashira accidentally touch your chest
Hashira x Reader
Word Count: ~1,600
CW: explicit language, Fem!Reader, mild sexual content
Suggestion Fulfilled: Can we get all hashira accidently touch y/n's breast
~faqs~
Fyi, âchestâ means boob. I was just worried Tumblr would block this post from tags if I included âboobâ in the title lmao. đ
Shocked đłđ
âI apologize, [y/n]-san, it wonât happen again!â
Gyomeiâs nearly in tears, he feels so terribly đ
âThese things happen!â you promptly assure him, âBesides, you technically won the bout.â
No need to mention that he always wins when training together đ„Č
âI cannot accept such a tainted victory.â
âHimejima-san, though I appreciate your concern and respect, thereâs truly no issue.â
Meanwhile, Gyomeiâs rethinking his entire Breathing Style to ensure he never accidentally touches anyoneâs boob(s) again đÂ
In cold disbelief đđđ
If you donât say anything, then he wonât say anything
Alternatively, if you do say something, then Obanai will immediately curl up into a ball and die
Spends the rest of his day recalling the fleeting warmth of your breast
He swears his hand doesnât even get cold, so affected by the heat of your bosom
Your boob must be âšmagicalâš
âIguro-san,â you call out gently, noting his dazed stare, his dinner untouched while he sits crossed legged, âIs something on your mind?â
âNo.â đđđ
Well okay then đ
âAbout what happened earlierâŠâ
đ«šđ«šđ«š <â Obanai is FREAKING OUT
â⊠Iguro-san, I didnât mind.â
And then you stand up, take your dishes, and leave
WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEEEAAAN?!?!?!
Good luck finding Obanai tomorrow đ«Ą (the poor manâs been pleasantly overwhelmed)
Heâll avoid you for eternity now đ (not really, but at least until he can breathe around you again)
She giggles đ€
Lol
âOh my! [y/n]-san, I didnât mean to touch you so intimately!â đ
âNo worries, it happens.â
Your face may or may not be burning up a storm, but thatâs okay!
Mitsuriâs blushing too
A lot đł
âI hope I didnât hurt you?!â
Because like, What if I gripped too hard?! đ
Sheâs well aware of her own strength
âYou barely brushed me, Kanroji-san. I promise!â
Phew!
She grins, relief evident as she bumps her elbow against yours
âDonât tell anyone, okay? I would be so embarrassed!!!â
âKanroji-san, our secret is safe with me.â
I wish it would happen again⊠<â lowkey both of you thinking the same thing đ€Ș
As a medical personnel (among other roles), Shinobu accidentally (or even on purpose, depending on where youâre wounded) touching your boob isnât entirely unreasonable nor unrealistic
Obviously it would be nicer if she was caressing you out of love and affection đ
And not methodically cleansing then bandaging claw marks that just so happened to cross over your chest đ
âYou should make a full recovery,â sheâs all business, âThe demon avoided your nipple and didnât puncture deep enough to affect the functionality of your breast,â fortunately, youâre too exhausted to be embarrassed by her bluntness, âIt has a nice shape. Iâm glad you survived.â
EXCUSE ME WHAT?!?!?! đđ«
Now youâre kinda embarrassed
More so preening, really đ€
Itâs like when a doctor randomly compliments the rhythm of your heart or some other characteristic from a mainly professional POV, but youâre still caught off guard because who tf compliments someoneâs kidneys or bowels movements or?????
In your pain hazed delusion, you briefly contemplate somehow getting your other boob injured too⊠gotta make sure youâre matching in (nice) shape, yâknow? đ
Kyojuro can be discreet, albeit more so for your sake than his
âI APOLOGIZE! I DID NOT MEAN TO TOUCH YOUR BREAST!â <â how he could react đ
âPardon my slip, are you okay?â <â how he actually reacts, because he isnât entirely lacking in social awareness and decorum đ
âOh,â you donât mean to squeak, but it canât be helped when the most handsome man youâve ever known just casually grazed your boob, âIâm fine! Totally fine! Haha!â đ«šđ”âđ«đ«
Youâve gotta be more convincing than that, or Kyojuro will never forgive himself đ
Heâs a lil oblivious when it comes to physical attraction
Not like, infantly so, but given this particular circumstance?
He doesnât realize youâre flustered; he assumes youâre mortified đ
âYou sound decidedly less than fine.â
Heâs softer now, worried about startling you đ„ș
âI was surprised! But donât worry! Iâm not worried!â
Okaaay, but heâs worried đ„Č
âIs there any way I could make amends for my indiscretion?â
Not only is he handsome, but he is such a gentleman đđ
âRengoku-san, there are no amends to be made, I promise. Iâm not mad, nor do I feel unhappy or unsafe. I forgive you.â
Your regaining of the ability to speak in complete sentences greatly reassures him đźâđšđ
âAh. Well. I am grateful for your kindness and understanding. It will not happen again.â
âŠ
âŠ
Hold up đ§
Why does she seem⊠she seems⊠disappointed? Should I have said it will happen again??
Youâve suddenly given Kyojuro something quite pleasant to ponder đ€
After all, he isnât entirely oblivious đ
âAre you going to apologize?â Sanemi demands
âFor what?â you screech
âFor touching my hand with your boob!â
Your eyes roll, âOh fuck off!â
âI didnât ask to touch you,â he grunts
âI wouldnât have given you permission anyway,â you retort đ
Arms crossing over his bare chest, Sanemi scoffs, âWell I didnât give mine either!â
âYouâre ridiculous. It was an accident.â
You seem genuinely pissed đŹ
Sanemi rethinks his approach
âYou know Iâm joking, right?â đ
âNooo,â your sarcasm cuts deep, âI thought you were flirting.â đ
Uh đ
Well đ
Shit đ
âFuck you!âÂ
When in doubt, curse âem out đ
You scowl, confusion lingering as your blood boils, âFuck you!â
âI said it first.â đ
You stalk away, fed up with his antics
#man child #sort of #romantically inept is more like it
As tends to happen with epiphanies, yours doesnât hit until youâre almost asleep
âWAS THAT MOTHERFUCKER FLIRTING WITH ME???!â đłđ„Žđ
Best believe Shinazugawa Sanemi is about to have a Lesson 101 in flirting asap đ€đ
(assuming youâre older, like, mentor age to Muichiro)
Neither of you make a fuss about it
Itâs like accidentally calling your teacher mom đŹ
Or grabbing a random personâs hand in the supermarket thinking theyâre your parent đ«Ł
Embarrassing, but not a huge deal â unless you make it one
Thereâre those three seconds of slow motion Uhh and What just happened and Oops đ«
And then time speeds up to normal again, you have a quick conversation with your eyes (gosh forbid you speak and bring the unspoken into reality đ), and itâs over
^^ Alternatively, if Muichiro initiates a conversation to clear the air, then youâre able to have a mature and concise chat that is respectfully and patiently resolved
Embarrassing/accidental encounters are part of growing up
As long as they can be navigated ~safely, there shouldnât be any lasting harm
â ïžI also want to emphasize that I am talking solely on inarguably accidental/one time incidencesâ ïž
Hehehe
Giyuuâs hand is stuck đ«Ł
Only for like, a fleeting second
But omg đ
He was already embarrassed, and now heâs triply embarrassed đ« đ« đ«
â... Tomioka-san?â
You wonât lie; you arenât especially bothered đ€
But it is a compromising position to be caught in; Giyuu lowkey crushing you, one of his palms clearly cupping your boob đŹ
#wrestling #or something #so maybe this isnât super realistic #forgive me
Youâre about to repeat his name when he finally springs to life, immediately rolling off you, standing abruptly, about to literally sprint away
And then he remembers his manners đ
He offers you a hand
His other hand; his boob hand is currently tucked away in his haori
Heâs never washing it again
#closet perv
âThanks,â you smile faintly, accepting his assistance as you lift yourself from the ground
You hope he canât hear your heartbeat đ
He definitely can đ¶
But can you hear his?
âI donât think we should train together anymore.â
Giyuu is swift and harsh with his solutions
âWhy?â
Your question comes out stiffer than intended
He hesitates, unable to interpret the fear in your tone â the longing
âI always beat you,â he explains lamely, âDonât you get tired of losing?â
You scoff cheerfully, grinning now as you squeeze his hand
Fuck, we were still holding hands?! <â Giyuu is in shambles đł
âI could never lose!â you declare, feelings brimming in your throat, spilling onto your tongue, âNot when Iâm with you.â
Then we should absolutely stop training together would be the responsible reaction
Attachments are the most dangerous game for a Hashira to play đ
Instead, Giyuuâs rendered speechless, unable to shake his hand from yours
âWell alright then,â he mutters, stomach churning as he narrowly avoids the warmth in your gaze
In fact, you swear he squeezes back đ
âEXCUSE ME! I HAVE A WIFE!â đ€đ€đ€
âYou have three wives.â đ
Sputtering, Tengen shrieks, âI already have plenty of breasts to touch!âÂ
âTengen,â you glare, not one to back down as you jab a finger into his own chest, âYou touched my boob.â đ
âAND IâM SORRY!â đ
Much better đ
âI donât know what they see in you,â you scoff (youâre also lying, you can see plentyđ€), âTheyâre gorgeous⊠and you freak out when you accidentally touch a boob.â đ
Tengen is 100% pouting now
âI donât freak out when I touch their boobs,â he huffs
âWell arenât they lucky.â đ
âYou could be lucky too!â
âŠ
âŠ
Tengen starts runningÂ
You give chase
âDID YOU TALK TO THEM ABOUT THIS?âÂ
Tengen runs faster
âTENGEN!!!!!â
Tengen runs faster and faster
You give up
*insert gasping for air here*
âDO YOUR WIVES KNOW THEYâRE MARRIED TO A COWARD???!!!â
Oh well, youâll have to visit their estate sometime this week đ
Youâre sure to get an answer from Hina, Makio, and Suma âșïž
And you canât wait to see more of Tengen đđ
Sorry, sometimes the horny just happens đ„Ž
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Chapter 12- I Love You. I Know.
Summary: As the end of October approaches, you and Javi learn more about celebrating Halloween and Dia De Los Muertos together. After a sleepless night, and a Halloween party at the Murphy's, Javi begins to open up to you about his past.
Word Count: 15.6K (I'm sweating)
Warnings: SMUT (18+), unprotected p in v sex (don't be silly, wrap your willy), oral (m receiving), vaginal fingering, creampie, praise kink, semi-public sex (Oh the poor Murphy's...), PTSD/Anxiety around grief, loss and Javi's past, some angst/tension, mentions of drinking/being drunk (Steve is getting PLASTERED), mentions of food/eating, SO MANY STAR WARS REFERENCES, literally this chapter made me sob while I was writing it, editing it, and re-reading it, I am SO sorry
A/N: You guys. Holy shit. This chapter really had me in my feels. This chapter was def a labor of love, but I'm really happy with how it turned out!! Thank you for as always for all you kind words, you truly, truly, TRULY have no idea how much your support means to me đđ Also please don't kill me after you finish reading this chapter I PROMISE *things* are happening so soon I can literally taste it, but I needed for this chapter to happen first, and you would be silly to think that *things* didn't get its own whole ass chapter and I am just as excited as you AH
Series Masterlist Next Chapter Previous Chapter
The excitement of Octoberâs conclusion was in the air, and the joys of getting to celebrate what you hoped would be the first of many holidays with Javi was at the forefront of your mind. While the end of summer meant school was here and your carefree days were gone until next June, October meant it was time for one of your favorite holidays- Halloween. It was one of your most cherished things to celebrate as a kid, and even still as an adult. The memories of jumping into leaf piles off your swingset with your brothers, dressing up in goofy, homemade costumes to trick-or-treat (because your mom was not about to buy 4 new sets of costumes every single year), carving pumpkins, and stealing as many of your brotherâs Kit Kat bars as you could without getting caught, filled your heart with a warmth and joy that you couldnât quite describe. While the 80 degree temperatures and lack of bright reds and yellows painted across the leaves falling from their trees was much different from the Chicago Octobers you were accustomed to, it hadnât stopped you from heading full steam into Halloween.Â
âSo do you have any thoughts on what we should be for Steve and Connieâs? I have no problem going out to buy stuff for costumes, but I can already hear my mom yelling at me for wasting my money on cheaply made clothes Iâm gonna wear for 5 hours when I have something perfectly good in my closet.â You rolled your eyes as you shuffled through the hangers, Javi sitting on the edge of your bed folding the laundry you were working on putting away.Â
The two of you had gladly accepted the invitation from Steve and Connie to spend the weekend with them in San Antonio, as the Murphyâs planned to host a Halloween party at their house for their friends and co-workers, giving you and Javi a chance to have a fun weekend out of town together.Â
âHmmmm?â He asked, looking up at you as you grabbed a few shirts, examining them for costume potential. âWeâre dressing up for this thing?âÂ
âYeah, thatâs like, the whole point of Halloween, dummy.â You giggled, throwing a few options on the floor before making your way over to your pants. âDidnât you dress up as a kid for Halloween?âÂ
Unlike yourself, Javi had spent his whole life celebrating DĂa de los Muertos, Halloween having nowhere near as much relevance to him as it did to you, spending the end of October and first days of November gathering with his family to spend the day making Pan de Muerto (Day of the Dead sweet bread), watching the parades on the streets of Downtown Laredo before visiting the cemetery where his grandparents were buried, decorating their graves in cempasĂșchil (marigold flowers), candles and photographs with his primos (cousins). Since his mom had passed, Javi hadnât been home to celebrate with his family, and had almost forgone the tradition completely during his time in Colombia, the pain and loss of his mother and the solemn sadness of celebrating alone leading him to try his best to forget about the holiday all together.Â
âUh, no, not, not really. Didnât really do Halloween, isnât really as much of a thing down here. My family always celebrated DĂa de Los Muertos instead.â He replied, almost embarrassed by his answer, not wanting to damper your excitement as you dug through your closet for costumes.Â
Your heart sank to your stomach, feeling awful that you hadnât even taken into consideration that Javi's traditions around this time of year were completely different from what you were used to. The two of you had never really talked about how you wanted to celebrate future holidays, and always had wanted to make sure that the important parts of your lives were celebrated equally. Javi hadnât said anything after you had spent the past few days putting up Halloween decorations around your apartment, and now you felt like an idiot assuming he had spent his whole life celebrating just like you.Â
âOh⊠Shit. Javi, Iâm so sorry, if you donât wanna do costumes, we donât have to, you just hadnât said anything about DĂa de Los Muertos so I just assumed that-âÂ
âBaby, itâs okay.â He pushed himself up off the bed, the width of his broad palms wrapping around your hips, trying to ease the guilt he could tell was rapidly consuming you. âYouâre right, I never told you about it. Itâs been a long time since Iâve done anything to celebrate it, and I havenât been home for it since Iâve gotten back from Colombia. I just- I donât really know how to feel about it, I guess. The last time I did anything for it was before my mom died. I was never able to bring myself to do anything about it while I was gone, and I guess now I just feel really shitty that was the way I decided to handle it.â It broke your heart to see the pain in his eyes, pulling yourself closer to him as you wrapped your arms around his stomach, leaning your head against his chest. It was then, the realization had hit you too- This would be your first year of holidays without Patrick. You didnât know as much as you would have liked to about DĂa de Los Muertos, but you did know that it was to celebrate the lives of loved ones youâd lost, a feeling that you and Javi were both all too familiar with.Â
âListenâŠâ You raised your head, looking up at him, arms still intertwined around his waist. âI donât- I donât wanna make you do anything that youâre uncomfortable with. I guess this is the first time weâve ever really talked about this kind of stuff. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you, Jav, and that means celebrating the things that are special to both of us. The things that are important to you are important to me too. I want our lives for us, for our future family, to be filled with all the things we care the most about, whether that means keeping old traditions or making our own new ones. It would mean a lot to me to get to celebrate DĂa de los Muertos with you, and if itâs okay, I would love to sprinkle in some Halloween too, because Iâm fucking dying to carve a pumpkin.âÂ
You smiled up at him as his hand slid under your jaw, his thumb tracing across your cheek as he tried his best to hold back the tears welling in his eyes. It took everything in him to not ruin his plans, wanting to run into the bedroom, grab the ring out of his sock drawer and propose to you that very instant. Even after all this time, Javi still couldn't believe that he was the person you wanted to share the rest of your life with. That you wanted to intertwine your past, present, and future with his, to have a life, a family, together that the two of you could cherish forever. Never in a million years had he assumed heâd be anywhere close to where he was today, holding the worldâs most beautiful, perfect woman in his arms, as she told him how she wanted nothing more than to build a family and spend the rest of her days with him.Â
âOsita⊠I fucking love you so much, you know that?â He leaned in, his lips meeting yours in a soft and deep kiss, your heart racing as he pulled you in tighter.Â
âYeah, I mean, I guess, just a little bitâŠâ You giggled, poking fun at him, considering not a day had passed since the first night he had said it that Javi hadnât told you just how much he loved you.Â
âShut up, you dork.â He chuckled, making you squeal as he picked you up, playfully shaking you in his grasp before setting you back down. âIâd love nothing more, Hermosa. I donât know how the fuck youâre supposed to carve a pumpkin or what the hell you have planned for these costumes, but Iâm all in. I want it all with you, Osita. Thank you.âÂ
âOf course. For as much or as little as you want to do for DĂa de los Muertos, Iâm all in too. Iâm gonna be honest, I love Hallowen. Not as much as Christmas, but itâs a close second. It means youâre gonna have to trust me with a giant ass knife and cover yourself in pumpkin guts, though.â
âMy trust is quickly starting to fade. Seriously though, what the hell are we supposed to dress up as?â He raised an eyebrow at you, nodding over to the pile of clothes you had pulled from your closet, now piled on the floor.Â
âDonât worry, Iâve got some ideas.âÂ
  The weeks leading up to the holidays had made for fun at home date nights, the both of you genuinely looking forward to learning about the traditions you had both held so dear to your hearts. Almost every night after work, you had done something to celebrate the events leading up to the day. You had shown Javi a few of your favorite Halloween movies, including Itâs the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, Beetlejuice, and Ghostbusters, very adamantly insisting to him that those movies were about as scary as you were going to get, blaming your brothers for scarring you after forcing you to watch The Exorcist at the ripe age of 7 years old. In addition to the movies, you had told him about other funny Trick-Or-Treating stories from your childhood, Javiâs favorite being how your brothers, (being the ruthless idiots they were) paid one of their friends in all of their halloween candy to jump out of a bush dressed as a terrifying old lady to scare the absolute shit out of you, and making you quite literally pee your pants. In return Javi shared his favorite memories of cooking in the kitchen with his mom as she made Pan de Muertos for his family, the two of you even attempting to make it one of the nights after work, milling about the kitchen together as Javi told you about his family you had yet to meet, or had passed away long before you.Â
After a lengthy hunt, you were able to find pumpkins, bringing them to Chuchoâs house to carve them since you had nowhere to put them inside your apartment. You offered him the rest of your Pan de Muertos in exchange for a place to work on your pumpkins, and while he gladly accepted the bread, the three of you knew Chucho was always happy to have you and Javi over, regardless.Â
âSo tell me, mija,â Chucho spoke in between mouthfuls of sweet bread, rocking back and forth in his chair, âis there a meaning behind carving the pumpkins, or is it just for fun?âÂ
âJust for fun! Okay, it looks like weâre ready, you want me to show you how to do it, or just let you go for it?â You smiled at Javi, the two of you sitting cross legged on Chuchoâs porch, pumpkins open in front of you.Â
âYou just scoop them out, right?â Javi questioned, looking into the pumpkin with an unsure grimace. âIt seems like there's a lot in here, Osita. I have to get all of it out?âÂ
âYeah, or else you canât see the design when you carve it. Câmon you big baby, just stick your hand in there and pull the guts out!â You laughed, digging your hand into your pumpkin, scooping out hearty globs of pumpkin guts, slopping them into the bucket Chucho had set out for you. Reluctantly, Javi joined, you and Chucho both absolutely dying at Javiâs face as his hand met the squishy fibers inside his pumpkin.Â
âJesus, that feels fucking gross!â He laughed, shaking his head as he threw some of the seeds and strings into the trash next to him.Â
âYou need me to do it for you?â You giggled, flicking a pumpkin seed at him as he winced with the second handful he pulled out.Â
âNo, cabrĂłn (asshole), I can do it.â Javi grumbled as he rolled his eyes at you, the both of you scooping hearty handfuls of goop.Â
âYou hear that, Chucho? Calling me an asshole because heâs too scared to pull out pumpkin guts.â You looked back at his dad, giving him a playful grin, his smile already wide from the enjoyment of watching the two of you. With your back turned to Javi, you hadnât noticed the small handful of seeds he had collected in his hand, lining up his arm to aim right at the back of your head. âI canât believe that- HEY!â You whipped your neck around, running your hand over the back of your neck, picking seeds and strings out of your hair, seeing Javi snicker to himself as your jaw dropped open in shock. âDid you seriously just throw pumpkin guts at me?!âÂ
âI donât know what youâre talking about, must have been a ghost.â He shrugged, smirking to himself before digging his hand back into his pumpkin.Â
âYou see this?!â You looked back at Chucho, pointing your finger at Javi, pretending to be stern, although your laughter quickly escaped. âAbsolutely ridiculous, I swear.âÂ
âJavier, that is no way to treat your future esposa! (Wife) No quiero mis nietos ser cubierto en calabaza! Me encantĂĄran en cualquier caso, pero todavĂa! (I donât want my future grandchildren covered in pumpkin! I will love them either way, but still!)â Chucho scolded with a smirk, you and Javi silently smiling to each other at the thought of one day doing this with your own children. Javi had tried to stop fighting off his dadâs comments about grandkids a while ago- Chucho knew just as well as the two of you that he would have his grandchildren soon enough.Â
âElla lo pĂdo⊠(She asked for itâŠ)â Javi muttered under his breath, shooting his gaze up at you as he felt cold goop hit the side of his cheek, wiping the pumpkin you had just thrown at him off with the back of his hand, watching you smirk silently to yourself as you continued to scoop out your pumpkin.
âAhora⊠Estamos a mano. (And now⊠Weâre even.)âÂ
The 3 of you chatted on the porch, the sky now painted a dark black, filled with twinkling constellations above as you finished carving your pumpkins. Yours, a cute ghost with a little smiley face, and Javiâs, what he had tried to convince you and Chucho was also a ghost, even though it looked more like he had just carved a squiggly hole in the middle of his. It took a little prodding and convincing, but as you all talked about how the Peña family had spent many a DĂa de los Muertos, you and Chucho were able to get Javi to agree to go visit his momâs gravesite on the Sunday after you got back from Steve and Connieâs party. Chucho had even promised to keep his tias, tios, and primos (aunts, uncles, and cousins) completely out of the picture this year, wanting to give Javi all the time and space he needed to go see his mom for the first time since her funeral. He was reluctant at first, riddled with the guilt of leaving her unvisited all these years, but as he felt the gentle squeeze of your hand, your silent reassurance was all he needed to know that you would be by his side, every step of the way. As you said your goodbyes, Chucho hugged you just a little extra tighter than normal, as if to thank you for everything you had done for his son, and just how thankful he was to have you in his life, too.Â
Even though the Murphyâs had very graciously offered to let you and Javi stay on Friday night as well as Saturday, both Steve and Connie very much understood when you had told them on the phone that the only thing that you wanted to do after coming home from the chaos of managing an elementary school Halloween party was take a very, very long nap. You and Javi had spent the night ordering pizza and watching Young Frankenstein, only lasting about 20 minutes into the movie before you were dead asleep, snoring against Javiâs chest, still dressed in If You Give A Mouse A Cookie costume from earlier today. Carrying you to bed and undressing you from your mouse ears and oversized overalls, Javi curled into bed next to you, pulling your body against his as he stared at the ceiling. Despite how hard he tried to fall asleep, he laid there, wide awake as ever, as his head raced with the tornado of thoughts brewing inside his brain.Â
Javier Peña had never really considered himself to be an anxious person. For most of his life, he couldnât be. For the sake of his job, the sake of his family after his Mom passed, Javi had survived the only way he had known how- Block it out, and ignore it. And so far, that strategy had seemed to bode for him pretty darn well. But that was before he had anyone who depended on him, cared about him, anyone who made his life worth living for. That was before he had met you. Now, Javi found himself at the crossroads of a moment he had been waiting for since the moment he had first laid eyes on you. Something that brought him absolute joy and sheer terror at the same time- Javier Peña was going to propose to you, and he was an anxious fucking mess.Â
If that in itself wasnât enough, things at the Laredo County Sheriff's Department had been an absolute shit show. Mexico was the only thing on anyoneâs radar, making for long days and high tension at the office, trying to do anything to slow the spread of the cartelâs influence across the border. Day after day, report after report, it felt like the department was drowning in the endless shitty news of new death tolls, record breaking trafficking stats, and lack of control as cocaine moved across the Rio Grande at a groundbreaking pace. Even though he found himself even further removed from Mexico than he ever was in Colombia, he couldnât help but feel that painful, searing wrench in his gut when he sat down to really think about it.Â
You.Â
Spending your lives together.
Having a family.
Protecting his wife and kids.Â
The things he would do to keep you safe.
The terrible things he had done he had justified were keeping other people safe.Â
The imagines of the things he wish he could unsee.
The pain and hurt he wished he could take back.Â
The fear of what he was capable of doing.Â
So with a knot in his chest from work, a ring hidden away in his sock drawer, and the beginnings of a plan to ask the woman he loved more than life itself to marry him, Javi coped with the weight of his stress the only way he knew how. He couldnât fucking sleep.Â
The thoughts played in his mind on repeat, torturing him with every loop around his brain. He tried his best to close his eyes, to empty his head for a moment of peace, but no matter how much he wished he could have willed himself to sleep, it was no use. By the time the alarm clock on his nightstand read 2:05 AM, Javi had completely given up on the idea of rest for the night, quietly making his way out of bed to go wander around the living room. It wasnât long before you too were also awake, rolling over in your sleep to find Javiâs space in the bed cold and empty. Rubbing your eyes and propping yourself up against your pillow, you scanned around the darkness of your room as you came to, realizing that Javi was nowhere to be found. Draping one of the blankets from your bed over you, you crept into the hallway, greeted by the soft light of one of the living room lamps painting shadows against the wall.Â
âJavi, are you up?â Your voice still soft and sleepy, rubbing your hand along your face, squinting from the sudden brightness that lit up the room.Â
âOsita, baby, did I wake you up? I'm so sorry. Go back to bed, okay?â Javi shot up from the couch, setting down whatever book he had been half focused on reading as he watched your bed headed figure meander into the living room.Â
âNo, itâs okay.â You grumbled, holding out your blanket covered arms for Javi to melt his body into yours, wrapping you in a tight hug. You pressed your head into the bare skin of his chest, snaking your hands around his waist as he planted his lips against the the top of your head, burying his nose in your tangled hair. âBaby, whatâs going on? Why canât you sleep? Iâm worried about you, Jav.âÂ
âIâm⊠Yeah, Iâm okay, Hermosa. Just a lot on my mind.â He sighed, his exhale still buried in your hair as he savored the smell of you, still lingering even in your sleepy state.Â
His pause alone was enough to know okay wasnât the word that you would use to describe Javi right now. His words were burdened and fatigued, making it clear that whatever was on his mind was weighing on him more heavily than he wanted to admit.Â
âAre you sure? Javi, if you wanna talk about anything, you know Iâm always here, right?âÂ
You wanted so desperately to pry. Everything in you had a feeling that whatever was keeping him up were entangled in the parts of his dark parts past, the last secrets holding up the final wall between the two of you. You knew from your brothers how hard it was to talk about the pain and suffering they had witnessed, and begging them to talk about it before they were ready only seemed to make it worse. Hell, after Patrick died, it felt like you didnât sleep for weeks, and it had taken you months to open up about it. You knew Javi hurt, and as much as you wanted to, digging deeper into the things that plagued him in his restless nights wasnât what he needed right now. Right now, he just needed someone to be there for him.Â
âIs there anything I can do, Javi? I just wanna help.â The breath of your sympathetic whispers were hot against Javiâs skin, squeezing your arms to pull him as close to you as he could. He paused for a moment, letting out another deep breath as cradled the back of your head with his palm, running his hands through your hair.Â
âWill- Will you stay up with me? Just a little bit longer?â His voice trembled as you turned your head to lock your eyes with his, the gentle nod of your head bringing him a moment of relief.Â
âOf course, baby. Of course Iâll stay up with you. Do you wanna turn on the TV or put on a movie? Sometimes that helps me sleep.â You stretched your arms over your head, scrunching your face as you yawned before tugging your blanket tighter around your body.Â
âBelieve me, Hermosa, I know it does.â He let out a soft chuckle as he pressed a soft kiss against your forehead.Â
âOh shit, yeah that is true. I donât even think I made it halfway through Young Frankenstein tonight, which is a crime. Itâs such a good movie. I donât even remember getting into bed.â You yawned again, this time taking one of your blanket covered fists to try and rub the sleep out of your eyes, forcing yourself to stay awake.Â
âWell, if you give a mouse pizza and a movie after a long day at school, then sheâll probably need her boyfriend to carry her to bed because sheâs so tired.â Now awake enough, Javiâs cute jab at your costume for school made you let out a little giggle, giving him a little shove with your blanket wrapped body. âWhy donât we turn the rest of it on, so you can finish watching?âÂ
âI donât wanna fall asleep on you, Javi.â You grumbled, pouting up at him, considering he had just asked you to stay awake with him.Â
âItâs okay. As long as I have you by me, Iâll be alright, I promise.â Reluctantly, you nodded in agreement, plopping yourself on the couch as Javi turned on the TV, rewinding the VHS tape to the point where you had fallen asleep earlier before joining you, draping his arm around your shoulder as you tucked in your knees and scooted closer to him. You sat for a few minutes in silence, letting the sounds of the movie fill the background. As you turned your head to look up at Javi, you could tell that even though his eyes were pointed at the screen, there was no way he was really watching the movie. Reaching up your hand, you ran your fingers across the length of his strong jaw, his stubble scratching against your palm, forcing him to look back at you. Your eyes met his, the sweet, chocolate brown looking back at you, with a confusing mix of exhaustion, guilt, want and helplessness. You brought your face closer to his, your lips now only inches apart as your whispers danced against his mouth, desperate to find something to ease his pain.Â
âWhat do you need, Javi? Whatever you need, Iâll give it to you.âÂ
His tongue swept against his bottom lip, taking one last shaky breath before his words left his body with his exhale.Â
âYou. I need you.âÂ
His hands found their way to the bare skin of your thighs, his fingertips barely brushing against your flesh as he traced his way up to your torso, toying with the hem of one of his shirts that always looked so much better on you than him. Pressing his palm against the soft curves of your stomach, he tugged at the waistband of your sleep shorts, causing you to shift your body so he could slide them down your legs. Reaching over towards his lap, you grasped at his boxers, feeling him already half hard under the fabric as you rubbed your hand against him. Javi held your hips, slowly guiding you to straddle him as you kicked your shorts off your feet, leaving them in a pile on the ground. Slowly, you began to grind deeper into his lap, the feeling of him now fully hard beneath you. Gently prompting you to raise your arms over your head, Javi lifted your shirt, leaving you bare as he dropped it next to your shorts.Â
âIs this okay?â Javi rasped, pressing languid kisses against your neck and collarbone as you ran your hands against the width of his broad shoulders.Â
âOf course, baby.â Your reply low and horse as you began to drag the fabric of his boxers lower and lower, finally letting his cock spring free as his waistband pushed past. You brought your palm to your mouth, licking a long, wet strip across it before wrapping it around his length, thumbing over the precum already leaking from his tip. Javi tilted his head against the back of the couch as you twisted your wrist, stroking his cock, letting out a hushed moan before sitting back up to watch you.Â
âYouâre fucking perfect, Osita. I donât deserve you.â He dug his fingertips into the soft flesh of your ass, his sweet, brown eyes locked on yours as you pressed against him, nibbling at his ear.Â
âYou deserve everything, Javi. I could give you everything in the world and it still wouldnât be enough.â Javi grasped at your face, cupping your cheeks as he pressed his lips against yours in a deep, intense kiss, his voice shaky and lustful as his mouth parted with yours before he spoke.Â
âI donât need anything besides you, Osita. Eres mi todo. EstĂĄs todo lo que necesito. (You are my everything. Youâre all Iâll ever need.) He shuttered, letting out a low groan as you continued to rub your hand along his length, Javi now reaching down to trace lazy circles around your clit before dipping his fingers inside your wet heat. His fullness made you whimper, wrapping tighter around his cock as you stroked him, now bucking your hips against his hand as his fingers curled, bumping against the spongy spot that made you lose control. âDoes that feel good, sweet girl? Fuck, youâre so wet.Â
âMhmmmmm.â You gasped, rapidly nodding your head as his digits pulsed inside you, your cunt already drenched, desperate to feel the fullness of his dick, despite the thickness of his fingers. Carefully, you lifted your hips, moving yourself closer to him as you ran your fingers through the soft ends of his sleepy curls. Sitting up on your knees, Javi removed his hand as he watched you hover over him, his palms roaming to your hips as you guided his tip through your folds, collecting your arousal before lining him up with your entrance. His jaw went slack as you lowered down on to him, taking your time as you savored the stretch of every sweet inch until you had bottomed out at his base.Â
âFuckkk, baby.â He mewled, gently guiding his hands against your hips as you dragged yourself up along his length before headfully sinking back down, the tip of his cock bumping against your cervix with each movement. Javi nipped at your neck, trailing hot, wet kisses down your collarbone before stopping at your breasts, flicking this tongue along each of your pebbled nipples as you pushed deeper into his lap, whimpering at his touch. âMy sweet girl, always taking me so well, like you were fucking made for me, baby. God, youâre so fucking gorgeous.â Javi pulled you in tighter, caging his chest against yours as his arms wrapped around the small of your back as he rested his face in the crook of your neck. âFuck, I love you so much, Osita.â His words were desperate and needy against your bare skin, digging your fingers into his dark curls as you swirled your hips around his cock.Â
âI love you too, Javi. More than anything.â You moaned as felt Javi shift his weight, thrusting upwards as he buried himself deep inside you. His fullness had you digging your nails into the nape of his neck, your body melting into his with each push and pull against each other. You could feel the all too familiar tingle creeping up your legs and through the base of your spine as Javiâs hand found its way to circle around your clit, already throbbing as the curled hair around his base brushed against your sensitive nerves. The lewd noises of your moans and tangled bodies drowned out the sounds of the TV behind you, practically hearing how wet you were as Javi cock slipped in and out of your heat, his pace pounding as he punched into you. You could feel your walls beginning to tighten around him, arousal pooling in your belly, Javi knowing you were close as you whimpered into the crook of his neck. âFuck baby, donât stop- ahhhh- please donât stop, Iâm so close.âÂ
âI know, baby, I know. Let go for me, Osita. Wanna feel you soak my lap before I fuck you full of me. Cum for me baby, itâs okay, Iâve got you.â Javiâs fingers rubbed faster along your clit as you rolled your hips, sinking yourself deeper onto his cock with each thrust, your vision going white as you could feel yourself come undone.Â
âJavi, Javi- fuck- Javi, Jav-ahhhhhh.â You could feel yourself gush around him, crying out his name as you reached your high, your legs shaking and fingers digging into his skin, pleasure flowing through your veins.Â
âThatâs it, Hermosa. Fuck, baby, Iâm gonna cum too, fuck myself so deep inside you. My perfect girl. Mierda- Quiero que seas mĂo para siempre, mi amor. Solo tĂș, por siempre y para siempre. (Shit- I want you to be mine forever, my love. Only you, forever and always). Fuck me, I- fuckkkk.â Javi hissed as he buried himself deep in your hilt, spilling every drop of his spend against your walls. You could feel the mixture of the both of you dripping down your thighs, soaking Javiâs lap as you slumped into his body, your heart racing as the damp curls of his hair pressed against your shoulder. You both sat there for a moment, letting your chests rise and fall together in sync as you came to. âFuck me, Osita. I could stay like this forever, baby.â
âYou and me both. Although, I feel like that would make things awfully inconvenient for the both of us.â Your soft, sleepy giggles making Javi smile as he ran his fingers though the twisted ends of your hair. Carefully, you lifted yourself up, hissing at the loss of Javi inside you.Â
âThank you, Osita.â Javi whispered, tenderly circling his thumb along your jaw as you curled up next to him.Â
âFor what?âÂ
âJust- fuck, youâre so good to me. I donât know what Iâd do without you. So, I just- thank you. Thank you for being everything I need.â Planting a gentle kiss on your forehead, Javi pulled you tighter, holding you in his arms as you leaned against him.Â
âIâll always be here for you, Javi. I promise.âÂ
You hoped he knew. That he knew your words were true. That when the time came for him to open up to you, letting you into the painful past that loomed above him, that you wouldnât run. You would be right by his side, just as you were right now.Â
âWell good morning, Sleeping Beauty.â Javi chuckled as you twisted in the passenger seat, stretching your arms over your head, scrunching your face, letting out a lengthy yawn.Â
âFuck, how long was I asleep for? How much longer do we have left? Sorry, I wasnât planning on sleeping that long, I just wanted to take a nap for a little while we drove.â You ran your hands over your face, looking out at the bright Texas sun shining over the neat suburban neighborhood you now found yourself driving through. Javi reached over across the center console, rubbing his hand along your thigh as he chuckled to himself.Â
âBaby, I knew from the moment you fell asleep you were gonna be out for the rest of the drive, itâs okay. I was just worried I was gonna have to wake you up in the Murphyâs driveway.â You grumbled as you looked over at Javi, giving him a playful swat against his arm, shaking your head, now emerging from your post nap fog.Â
âWell if we weren't up fucking at 2:30 in the morning, perhaps I wouldnât be so tired, hmmmm?âÂ
Javi rolled his eyes as you poked fun at how the both of you had found yourselves last night, trying to ease Javiâs sleeplessness. While your solution had worked enough to ease him back to bed, it had now left you wide awake, wondering what had been going through Javiâs head, torturing him enough to keep him up. It had also meant that the two of you had slept in much longer than you intended, leaving later than planned for Steve and Connieâs. The two of you had quickly packed your things and hit the road, stopping to grab lunch on the way before you found yourself dead asleep next to Javi for the last hour and a half of your journey to San Antonio. With only a few minutes now left in your drive, you peered out the window, admiring the houses that lined the quiet streets of the Murphyâs neighborhood.Â
âThis is a cute subdivision.â You smiled over at Javi, admiring the houses, charming and inviting as they were freshly decorated from Halloween.Â
âYeah, it is pretty nice.â He grinned back, wrapping his palm around your thigh, giving your leg a little squeeze. He took a deep breath, his voice now shifting in tone, becoming more shaky and nervous. âWould you uh- would you, um, wanna live in a neighborhood like this?âÂ
âMaybe. I donât know, the houses are all really close together. I spent so much of my life in the city, and even at my house growing up, everything always felt so cramped. After coming here, especially after seeing your ranch, I donât know, I would love to be somewhere with more space. But thatâs a big ask, so, maybe one day if it works out, I guess.â You reached over, rubbing your hand along Javiâs arm, your soft smile meeting his tender gaze as he smirked, nodding to himself.Â
âYeah, one day.âÂ
Taking a last turn down one of the neighborhood streets, the two of you pulled up to the quaint two story home belonging to the Murphyâs. Turning off the ignition, Javi paused for a moment, grinning to himself as he ran the hand resting on your leg up to your face, cupping your check as his eyes roamed the length of your body, taking every inch of you in as his sweet brown eyes consumed you. âI love you, Osita.â Â
âI love you too, Jav.â Both of your heads tilted, your lips gently pressing against one anothers as you traced your hand through Javiâs dark curls, pulling him closer into you. You could feel his smile against your mouth as his tongue barely swiped against your bottom lip, the two of you so lost in the moment, you hadnât even seen Steve make his way out of the house to greet you, let alone the fact that he was now standing at the driverâs side door, hands on his hips as he watched your impromptu makeout session in Javiâs truck.Â
âYou two lovebirds want help bringinâ your bags in, or do I need to give you a minute?â Steve chuckled to himself as you and Javi shot up, hearts racing and faces going white hearing his distinct drawl and rapid tapping at the driverâs side window. Taking a deep breath to compose himself, Javi placed one more soft kiss on your forehead before promptly turning around to flip off Steve and opening the driverâs side door. âYou two are worse than a pair of horny teenagers, I swear.â You could hear Steve still snickering to himself as you exited out your side of the car, making your way over to find Javi and Steve in a tight hug, lovingly patting each other on the back.Â
âFuck off, Murph.â Javi shook his head against Steveâs embrace, pulling away to grab your two bags from the backseat.Â
âListen, Iâm not the one makinâ out in my driveway.â Steve shrugged as you sheepishly emerged from your side of the truck, smiling at you as grimaced at him.Â
âHe started itâŠâ You glanced over at Javi, you and Steve now both giggling as he pulled you in for a hug.Â
âOf course he did, wouldnât put anything past this old bastard. How ya doinâ sweetheart? Good to see the both of you, weâre really glad you guys could make it.Â
âSheâs doing great after the hour and a half nap she took on the way here.â Javi interjected, slamming the truck door behind him, slinging both of your bags over his shoulder.Â
âWhatever, you meanie. In my defense, I was not planning to sleep that long, and I think Halloween exhaustion got the best of me.â You shot Javi a quick wink, trying to bite down on your lip before turning back to face Steve.Â
âListen, I donât blame ya. Iâm fuckinâ exhausted after trick-or-treating with 3 kids, let alone tryinâ to keep âem wrangled at school all day. I love those girls, but I donât think I could've gotten them in my parents car fast enough when they came to pick âem up this morning. Here, come on in, I wonât make you stand out in the driveway all day, unless you need to make out more.âÂ
As you stepped into the Murphy home, you were greeted by an abundance of Halloween streamers and banners hanging in the living room and up the stairwell to the second floor, along with a few Barbie dolls and accessories scattered across the entryway, nearly stepping on one as you came through the door. You could smell the sweet scent of something baking in the kitchen as Connie came rushing through the hallway, arms outstretched to greet you and Javi. âOh itâs so good to see you two, thank you so much for coming!â Connie squeezed you and Javi in a tight hug before she backed away, kicking one of the toys on the floor across the room. âSorry about the Barbies, I told the girls to clean up before they left for their grandparents this morning but I think all 3 of them are still running on a sugar high from last night and that obviously didnât happen.âÂ
âThank you so much for having us! Donât worry about it at all, I totally understand! Javi was just telling me on the way over how much he was hoping the girls had Barbies he could play with anyways!â The 3 of you laughed as Javi rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest as you gave him a smirk and a little nudge.Â
âFuck, I forgot how funny she was Jav.â Steve snickered to himself, picking up one of the Barbies and tossing it across the room into one of the toy baskets along the wall. âSeriously though, we are really glad you guys could make it. Your birthday party was fun as hell, old man. Glad to be close enough to actually see each other and do stuff like this again.âÂ
Before Javi would respond, you all jumped, startled by the sound of the kitchen timer beeping rapidly from the other room. âOh crap, sorry, I gotta grab the cupcakes out of the oven!â Connie grimaced apologetically, making her way back to the kitchen.Â
âDo you need any help?â You asked, excited to spend more time with Connie.Â
âOh my gosh actually if you could help with frosting the cupcakes that would be amazing. I made these yesterday for Olivia and Abbyâs class parties, and I had no idea it was gonna take so long and was worried I wasnât going to have enough time for all of them before the party! Thank you!âÂ
âOf course!â You replied, grinning at her before following her lead to the kitchen, giving a little wave as you disappeared around the hall, looking back at Steve and Javi. âHave fun, you two.âÂ
Steve paused for a moment until the both of you were out of sight, waiting to forcefully slap his hand against Javiâs chest, making him groan from the unexpected pain.Â
âWhat the fuck was that for, you jackass?â Javi winced, glaring at Steve.Â
âWhere the fuckâs the ring, man?! Steve hissed through gritted teeth, looking back at Javi in disappointment. âI thought you were gonna fuckinâ do it after you got back from Chicago and met her family?! I thought everything was all good with- oh shit, did something happen with the ho-âÂ
âShhhhhh! You fuckinâ idiot, please, talk louder, I donât think the people at the end of the street could hear you.â Javi looked around the corner, clenching his jaw, praying that you hadnât heard anything from the kitchen.Â
âIâm not that fuckinâ loud⊠Shit, what the fuck happened then?â Steve grumbled, looking over at Javi with concern.Â
âCan we maybe talk about proposal plans somewhere thatâs not right by the woman Iâm trying to propose to?â Running his thumb over his balled fists, Javiâs eyes darted back and forth, staying on the lookout for your return.Â
âFine, fine, fine. Iâll show you where the guest room is and then you can tell me.â Steve motioned up the stairs, Javi trailing behind with both your bags draped around his shoulders
âWas I really that fuckinâ loud?âÂ
ââŠHave you heard yourself talk?âÂ
âSo howâs everything been going at work? There definitely was a full moon sometime in the past week because things were crazy at the hospital, Iâm sure they had to be equally as bad at an elementary school.â You and Connie giggled as you squeezed a dollop of orange frosting onto one of the cupcakes before taking one of the little bags to pipe on eyes and a mouth to make it look like a pumpkin.Â
âOh my god, I think it must have been on Wednesday, I had a boy cut another girlâs hair with scissors and then had to call another parent because her daughter bit another kid at recess pretending to play werewolves. I felt really bad we didnât come last night, I was exhausted after our Halloween party, I fell asleep on poor Javi at like, 8 oâclock.âÂ
Although you found yourself laughing with Connie again, you couldnât help but shake the uncomfortable feeling you had in your gut as you thought about after you had woken up in the middle of the night to find Javi wide awake and distressed. You carefully set down your spatula, taking a deep breath before glancing over at Connie, still frosting next to you. âHey, uh, Connie? Can, um- Can I ask you something?â Connie immediately sensed the shift in your tone, putting down her cupcake.Â
âOf course, honey. Whatâs going on?âÂ
âDid um, did- Did Steve ever- ever talk to you? About all the stuff that happened in Colombia? I mean like, I know you were there, but I donât know. Sorry, I donât know what Iâm trying to ask, this is probably way too personal, I-â You could feel yourself shrinking, retracting in embarrassment at your overly intrusive question, unable to finish your thought before Connie cut you off, placing her hand on your shoulder.Â
âOh, honeyâŠâ Her eyes were filled with sympathy as they looked back at yours, letting out a sigh before she responded. âDid something happen?â You began to nod your head no, even though you could feel the words yes burning in your throat. You took another shaky breath, trying to hold back the tears now welling in your eyes as you spoke.Â
âNo I mean- well, yeah, I guess. Last night, I woke up and Javi wasnât in bed. He was out in the living room and I could tell that something was bothering him. I donât know- maybe it was nothing. I just- when my brothers came back from active duty, there were a lot of things that kind of just went unspoken. I knew it was hard for them to talk about. Charlie handled it okay, but my brother Patrick never wanted to talk to anyone about what happened, and it just- I donât know Connie, I donât think Javi would ever do anything stupid like he did, but- fuck- it scares me sometimes. I know Javiâs done things that heâs probably not proud of, and I get itâs part of the nature of what his job was. I donât care. I really donât. People do shitty things when theyâre put in shitty situations. But he never talks about it. Ever. Does⊠Does he not trust me? I care about him so much, Con. More than anything. I get so worried about him.âÂ
Your tears were now streaming down your cheeks, leaving your face wet as you wiped the back of your hand across your skin to try and do some form of damage control before Connie embraced you, pulling you in for a hug, tightly wrapping her arms around you. âOh sweetheart. Of course he trusts you. When Steve came back, he was a mess. I donât think it really all hit him until he was finally home. I guess youâre right, it was different because I was there, but even then, there were things that happened that I didnât know about. After begging and begging him, I finally got him to go to see someone and it really helped, but even now, thereâs times where it still creeps up on him. Honey, Javi loves you so much. I didnât think Iâd ever live to see the day he was in love as he is with you. If heâs anything like Steve, he just doesn't wanna hurt you.âÂ
You sniffled, taking a step back to wipe your nose with your sleeve, your lip trembling as you tried to keep from crying harder than you already were. âBut thatâs what hurts, Connie. It hurts me to think he has to keep this from me, like Iâm gonna think less of him for what heâs been through.âÂ
âI know. Have you talked to him about it?â Connieâs voice was gentle and sweet, rubbing her hand along your arm as she listened to what you needed to get off your chest.Â
âNo⊠I guess I should have. I never wanted to pry. I know itâs hard to talk about, I just- I wanna be there for him Connie. I donât want him to have to do it all on his own.â You shifted your gaze to the ground, guilt washing over you. After Patrick, you couldnât live with the idea of letting Javi try to suffer through his past alone. You loved him more than anything- and even the slightest thought of going through anything similar to what had happened to Patrick again with Javi was almost paralyzing.Â
âI think the best thing you can do is to go talk to him.â Looking back up, you saw Connie smiling at you, trying to convince you that everything would be okay, even if it felt like it wasnât. âWhy donât you go find him? Partyâs starting soon anyways, you can go change into your costumes and come down wherever youâre ready. Iâll be just fine with the cupcakes, tell Steve can put himself to work frosting.â The both of you grinned as you tried to wipe your tears, nodding slowly in agreement.Â
âThanks, Connie.â You whispered into her shoulder as you pulled her in for a hug before heading up the stairs to find where Javi and Steve had gone. It didnât take you long to find the pair, hearing their voices carry through the hallway from the slightly cracked door of the guest bedroom. You were about to knock and interrupt their conversation, stopping yourself with your fist barely touching the door as you tried to make out what they were talking about.Â
âThe offer was in fucking cash, too. I was trying to make it easier so I could speed up the process, but itâs been taking them so goddamn long to close on everything so I can finally go sign the fucking paperwork.âÂ
âThat fuckinâ blows, Jav. Iâm sorry. Itâs not like she knows any better, though. Itâll still be a huge fuckinâ surprise, Iâll tell you that much.âÂ
âI know. Itâs been killing me to wait this long. I just want it to be perfect, Steve. She deserves everything. Honestly, Iâm kinda glad it bought me some more time. I need to find a way to get her to see it before everythingâs official in case she fucking hates it.âÂ
âJavi. Sheâs not gonna hate it. Fuck it, tell her Connie and I are lookinâ for somethinâ and we wanted you two to go see it for us. I donât know, maybe thatâs too obvious. Speakinâ of which, I should probably go check to see if she needs anything before this party, Iâm already in the fuckinâ dog house for forgettinâ to bring the girlâs trick-or-treatinâ bags to school, I donât need to be in trouble for anything else.âÂ
What the hell were they talking about? What was Javi signing? Why was it taking so long? What the hell did it have to do with you? Wait⊠holy fuck. No way⊠Was he-Â
Before you could finish your thought, you suddenly realized Steve was making his way towards the door. You quickly rapped your fist against the wood, trying to play off the fact you had been eavesdropping and make it look like you had just unassumingly made your way upstairs, not overhearing the conversation the two were just having.Â
Knock, knock.Â
âHey, itâs me! Uh, Steve, Con wants to know if you can help her with the cupcakes really quick.â You pushed open the door, trying your best to smile at the suspicious pair as Steve shook his head, looking back at Javi.Â
âItâs always fuckinâ somethinâ. I donât even know what I did wrong this time, I swear.â Steve held up his hands defensively, sliding his way past you in the doorway before heading downstairs, leaving you standing there awkwardly, unsure how to feel after your conversation with Connie and the one you had just overheard.Â
âHey, Osita. Howâs everything goinâ down there? Sorry, we were just about to come down and- Hey, baby, you okay?â Javi stood up, concern spreading across his face from the strange scrunch in your brow as you stared at the floor.Â
âUmmmmâŠâ You froze for a moment, unsure of what to do. On the one hand, your conversation with Connie had you ready to confront Javi, to finally work up the courage to ask him about the past life he had tried his best to keep from you. But as you glanced over at him, seeing his sweet brown eyes and stupidly handsome face, remembering the discussion you had just overheard through the doorway, the other hand meant you werenât at risk of ruining your night that the two of you had been so looking forward to, and right now, the other hand was going to have to be the one you needed to play. âYeah, yeah, Iâm good, I just- I was gonna ask you something but forgot what I was gonna say. Iâm sure Iâll remember it eventually.â You smiled at Javi, neither of you completely convinced by your response. âBut um, Connie said that people are gonna start getting here soon, so we can change into our costumes if you want.â A smirk slowly stretched across your cheeks as you nodded over to the black duffle bags laying on the bed.Â
Javiâs grin matched yours quickly, grabbing your hips and pulling you closer against him as you giggled. âYou sure weâre not gonna be the only ones dressed up?âÂ
âWell considering itâs a Halloween party and I literally just talked to Connie about what she and Steve are wearing downstairs, Iâm gonna give it a pretty confident yes. Worst case, it just looks like youâre wearing a white shirt and vest, Mr. Solo. You stuck up, half-witted, scruffy looking nerf herder.â You raised your eyebrows, playfully poking at his chest. Javi paused, shaking his head at your quote, firing one right back at you as he bit down on his lip.Â
âYou just like me because Iâm a scoundrel. There arenât enough scoundrels in your life.âÂ
âI happen to like nice men.âÂ
âI am a nice man.â Â
Javi cupped your face, pulling you in for a long, heavy kiss before backing away to unpack your bags, shooting you a quick wink as you rolled your eyes. Jesus, he even found a way to make Star Wars sexy. Just when you thought you couldnât be anymore in love, Javier Peña never failed to find a way to make you realize youâd never stop falling for him.Â
After putting in what felt like the 74th bobby pin into your hair after getting the last braid wrapped over your head, you gave yourself a once over in the mirror, pleasantly surprised by how well your costume had turned out. While Javi was disappointed you were adamant you were not going as Princess Leia from Return of the Jedi and showing up in front of a group of strangers at Steve and Connieâs party in her slave costume, you and Javi both agreed that Hoth Princess Leia was definitely the next best look. Staring at you with his puppy dog eyes, Javi had been adamant about waiting with you as you finished getting ready, leaning his hip against the bathroom counter, arms crossed over his chest as he watched you finish the last of your hair and makeup.Â
âOkay, I think that should stay. All those years of braiding my hair for under my hockey helmet are finally coming in handy for something.â You snickered, pushing the final clip into your hair to hold it into place, giving yourself a once over in the mirror. As you looked yourself down, Javiâs eyes wandered up and down your body just as fast, practically undressing you as fast as you had put your costume on.Â
âGoddamn, Osita⊠Fuck, youâre so hot.âÂ
âMe? Jesus Christ, Javi. You put Harrison Ford to shame with how fucking good you look. I like Han Solo better with a mustache anyways.â You licked your tongue against your bottom lip, running your hands along the muscles of his arms, straining against the tight henley shirt he was wearing under his vest. You were no better than Javi, practically having to force yourself to not look in his general direction while you were getting ready to prevent yourself from pouncing on him. But given the lack of chatter downstairs, and the impressive speed at which the two of you had gotten ready, you really couldnât help yourself. Slowly, you let your hands begin to slip down his arms and across his chest, palming at the denim of his black jeans as he let out a deep groan.Â
âHermosaâŠâ He hissed against your neck as you grasped at the bulge now growing under his pants, your other hand now making its way down to undo his belt, the clinking of the metal drowned out by Javiâs heavy panting. You began lowering your body, sliding Javiâs pants and boxers down his thighs as his cock sprang free, his tip already red and leaking with precum. You rested on your knees, face to face with his length as you wrapped your hand around him, slowly stroking him a few times.Â
âThis okay, Captain Solo?â You batted your lashes at him, giving him a wink before letting your spit dribble onto his cock, taking his tip into your mouth and swirling your tongue around it. Curling your fingers around his base, you began to twist your wrist, hollowing out your cheeks as you took him deeper into your mouth.Â
âOh, fuck me. Holy shit, Osita.â He moaned, tilting his head back, letting his jaw go slack as your head bobbed back and forth. He gently rested his hand along the side of your face, helping to guide you along his length as you took him deeper and deeper down your throat. âJesus Christ, baby. Fuck, that feels so good. You look so hot, god fuckinâ dammit.â Javiâs words were labored and shaky as you started to increase your pace, wrapping your free hand around the back of his bare thigh, digging your fingertips into his leg. Feeling the pressure beginning to build in his stomach, Javi began rocking his hips, his jaw completely slack as he looked down at the sight of how well you took him in your mouth, saliva dribbling down your chin as sucked along his cock, hard and heavy on your tongue. âFuck, Osita. Iâm not gonna last much longer. Can I cum like this, baby? Fill up that- fuck- fill up that pretty little mouth of yours?ââÂ
You glanced up at him, nodding, your lips still wrapped around his dick, the motions of your head and wrist now becoming faster and sloppier as you watched Javiâs brow scrunch and jaw clench, a sign you knew all too well that he was moments away from coming undone.Â
âSuch a good fucking girl, taking me so well. Fuck, baby- shit- se sientes tan bien, estoy tan cercaaahhhhhh-â (you feel so good, Iâm so closeeeee-). The hot ropes of his spend coated the back of your throat, the salty, tangy mix filling your mouth as Javi whined, giving his hips one last push as kept your lips wrapped around him, making sure that you had milked him of every last drop before releasing. Letting your spit and his release fall from the corners of your lips, you wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, smirking up at Javiâs blissed out expression. âJesus Christ, Osita. Youâre too fucking good at that. Holy shit. Lemme take care of-âÂ
You held up your hand to stop him as you stood up, your gesture cutting off the rest of his sentence as you helped to pull up his jeans and boxers still resting along his thighs. âIâm allowed to give my hot ass boyfriend blowjobs without anything in return. Câmon, we better get downstairs before Steve walks in on us again.â You pressed up on your tiptoes, planting a quick kiss on Javiâs lips as he reached down to buckle his belt before the two of you tried your best to fix yourself up in the mirror to avoid the inevitable shit Steve was about to give the both of you. Giving Javi a quick nod in the mirror before turning off the light and heading out the door, he gave your ass a playful smack, making you squeal in surprise, making you turn on your heels. Resting his hand on his hip, he beamed at you, biting down on his lip.Â
âFuck, I love you.âÂ
âI know.âÂ
The Murphyâs living room had begun to pool with guests as you made your way down the stairs, looking for Steve and Connie amongst the crowd. You and Javi both grabbed a beer from the cooler at the bottom of the stairwell, quickly turning around as you heard Steveâs familiar twang approaching behind you.Â
âWell Iâll be damned. You got this motherfucker in a costume? He must really love you.â Steve chuckled, shaking Javi by the shoulders. âAnd Star Wars too?! You asshole, how many times did I try to tell you they were good fuckinâ movies?! You shoulda dressed him up like Jabba the Hut.â You and Steve cackled as Javi rolled his eyes.
âYeah, and what the fuck are you supposed to be? A sad pirate?â Javi jabbed, poking fun at Steveâs poorly put together costume.Â
âListen, Olivia and Abby both wanted to be the Little Mermaid, so we had two Arielâs, Con was Ursula, Madison was the yellow fish and I didnât wanna be that annoying ass crab, so pirate it was, asshole.â Steve retorted, punching at Javiâs arm, the two of them laughing at each other like little boys. âAlright, go enjoy yourselves lovebirds, Iâll see ya in a little bit. And Javi?â
âYeah Murph?âÂ
âYou really gotta start checkinâ your pants, buddy.âÂ
Javiâs cheeks turned red, his eyes darting down to his zipper, still all the way undone from your activities upstairs, the both of you grimacing at each other, sheepishly avoiding eye contact with Steve as he disappeared into the crowd.Â
It really wasnât a surprise to Javi how many friends the Murphyâs had already managed to make in their time since moving to San Antonio. Their house was quickly crowded with all sorts of people- Steve and Connieâs co-workers, neighbors, parents of friends Olivia and Abby had made at school, regardless of where the party goers were from, everyone had collectively agreed to make adult Halloween just as fun as any kids. You and Javi were having a great time catching up with Steve and Connie, as well as meeting some of their other close friends, one of Connieâs neighbors being an elementary school teacher, giving you two plenty to commiserate about from the hellish week it had been. It didnât take long for the party to move outside, Steve drunkenly deciding that he needed to make a bonfire, despite adamant argument that with the amount of alcohol Steve had in his system, he was going to spontaneously combust if he got close enough to a flame. Javi, sober enough to still help his friend make rational decisions, was glad that Steve was happy to let him build the bonfire.Â
âThe force is strong with you, Han Solo.â You giggled, Javi wrapping his arm around your shoulder, pressing a soft kiss into your forehead as the two of you stared into the flickering orange glow of the fire pit.Â
âNot strong enough to extinguish Steve if he got close enough to it. Hey, I got shit all over my hands, Iâm gonna go to the bathroom and wash âem off. You need anything while Iâm inside, Princess?â You smiled as you nudged Javi at the nickname he had been adamant about using since you had put on your costume.Â
âIâm good, thank you. Iâm gonna go wait over on the swingset so I donât completely reek of bonfire later.â Javi nodded as he slid his hand down your back, giving your ass a quick squeeze before making his way through the crowd, heading towards the house. Surprised no one else had capitalized on the chance to sit down, you wandered over to the wooden playset at the corner of the Murphyâs backyard, taking a seat on one of the plastic swings, kicking your feet against the grass below.Â
âHey, there she is! How goes it, Leia?â Taking a few long strides through the yard, Steve was now quickly making his way over to you, stumbling over his own feet as he somehow managed to sit himself down on the swing next to you. You tried your best not to laugh at Steveâs drunken state, but his current antics werenât making it very easy on you.Â
âI could ask the same to you. You doinâ okay there, pirate?âÂ
âFuck sweetheart, Iâm doinâ fuckinâ great. Whereâs the asshole?âÂ
âInside, Iâm sure heâll be back out soon.â You snickered at Steve watching the beer dribble down his chin from the overly confident swig he had taken.Â
âGood, I donât need âem right now. You were the one I was lookinâ for.â Steve pointed in your general direction, but clearly wasnât aware enough to hit his target head on.Â
âMe?â You laughed, pointing back to yourself.Â
âYes, you. You talk to him yet?â
âAbout?â You paused, wondering if Steve had any inkling of the conversation you were planning to have earlier, or if he was drunkenly deciding you and Javi needed to discuss something else.Â
âYou know about what. I talked to Connie earlier. I figured I owed it to you to come talk to you about it, too.âÂ
Your heart began to race, that uncomfortable feeling once again beginning to churn in your stomach as you thought about the things you and Connie had discussed earlier. âSteve, you donât owe me anything, I-âÂ
âNo, I do. Hold on a second.â Steve turned away, letting out a hearty burp, pouding on his chest before facing back towards you. âSorry, Iâve been holdinâ that in for like 10 minutes, I needed to let it out. Anyways⊠What was I sayinâ? Oh shit, yeah, the grumpy bastard. Listen, sweetheart. I know itâs gonna fuckinâ suck, but you gotta be the one to bring it up and talk to him about it. If I know anything about that motherfucker, itâs that he will bottle things up for way too fuckinâ long until someone gets it out of him. Heâs a good guy. He says heâs not, but he is. Saved my ass more times than I can count. That job made us do some fucked up shit neither of us are fuckinâ proud of. But that doesnât mean he gets to keep it from you. I swear to God, that asshole is so fuckinâ in love with you, it makes me sick. You make him so happy. He just doesnât wanna fuck up the best thing thatâs ever happened to him.âÂ
You werenât sure if it was the right thing to do, but in that moment, all you could manage was to reach over to the swing next to you, pulling Steve in for a hug as you tried to keep your tears from staining his shirt. âThanks, Steve.â You whispered, leaning back into your seat, using your sleeve to wipe the wetness from your cheeks.Â
âI know you love him too. You deserve to know. Donât let him be a stubborn jackass to you, okay? Iâm beinâ serious. I should be the one thankinâ you though, honey. In all the years Iâve known him, I never thought Iâd see âem this happy. I promise I wonât get this drunk at your wedding.â Steve winked, straining to push himself up out of the swing, somehow managing to catch his balance as he stumbled into the grass.Â
âYou do make a very inspirational drunk, Steve.â You laughed to yourself, looking up at him with a genuine smile. âThank you.âÂ
âYouâre welcome. Alright, enough sap, Iâm gonna go get another fuckinâ beer, Iâll see ya around okay?âÂ
âOkay, maybe a water would be good for you, too.âÂ
âWaterâs for pussies.âÂ
âWaterâs good for people who donât want raging hangovers tomorrow.âÂ
âPirates are always drunk, so Iâll be fuckinâ fine.âÂ
âWhatever you say, Steve.âÂ
It didnât take long for Javi to return, easily spotting his tall, broad body making his way through the crowd, beaming at you as he walked over to the swings. You tried your best to smile back at him with the uneasy pounding in your chest quickly building, feeling your heartbeat in your throat. âHey, Hermosa. Sorry it took so long, I ended up stopping to get another drink on the-âÂ
âDo- Javi, do you trust me?âÂ
Your words were quiet and blunt as they rolled off your tongue, your eyes peeled on your feet kicking through the grass beneath you.Â
Javiâs brow immediately scrunched in confusion, completely off put by your question and demeanor. âDo I- Baby, what are you talking about? Of course I trust you? Whatâs going on?â Setting down his drink, he began making his way next to you in frantic, worried strides.Â
âThen why wonât you talk to me about it?â Your eyes darted from the ground up to his, his sweet brown eyes swirling with confusion at the firm tone of your voice and desperation growing across your face.Â
âTalk to you about what? Hermosa, whatâs going on? Is everything ok-âÂ
âWhy wonât you talk to me about Colombia?âÂ
 Javi took a step back. He wasnât sure if it was out of defense, or absolute shock from the words that had just fallen out of your mouth. He stared at you for a moment, his jaw locking as you could see how hard he swallowed, trying to bide his time as he calculated his response.Â
âOsita⊠Itâs not that simple.âÂ
âThatâs not an answer.âÂ
âI donât understand why weâre talking about this. Baby, if this is because of last night, you donât need to worry about me, can we please just drop it?â The two of you faced each other in an unspoken standoff, Javiâs hands now resting on his hips as you crossed your arms over your chest. You had tried so hard to be patient, but in the moment, it was like all of your frustration was beginning to boil over.Â
âThatâs exactly why weâre talking about this, Javi. Because I fucking worry about you. All the time. Iâve tried so hard to be patient. Iâve never, ever tried to get you to talk about it because I know itâs fucking hard. But last night, youâre up at 2 A.M, wandering around the apartment, and Iâm begging you to tell me whatâs wrong and you wonât fucking do it. Iâm not an idiot, Javi. I canât live in this weird in between space in your life where you pretend your past doesnât exist when I know it still fucking haunts you. Why wonât you just talk to me about it?âÂ
Javi could feel his heart pounding in his chest, his palms sweating as they clenched in tight fists at his sides. He tried so desperately to find an answer, something, anything he could tell you to try and justify his choices. The choices he had kept from you. The choices he couldnât forgive himself for. âBecause, I- fuck- because, goddamnit, I just- I was a terrible fucking person, okay? The things I did, they were-âÂ
âWhat? Fucked up? Painful? Shitty? Of course they fucking were, Javi. You were literally in Colombia chasing down Pablo Fucking Escobar. What did you think I thought you were doing down there? Filing away paperwork? You donât think I know that you did things you regret? That youâve hurt people? Made choices that hurt innocent people who didnât deserve it? I know Javi, I fucking know. I watched my brothers come back from the same goddamn thing. I tried so hard to give them space, to let them come to terms with the fucked up things they did on their own, and you know what fucking happened? One of themâs fucking dead because of it. I canât let it happen again. I donât care about what you did. It doesnât make you a bad person. But you canât try and hide it from me and pretend like it doesnât exist. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. But I canât if you donât trust me. Please trust me. Please. I love you so much, Javi. I canât lose you.âÂ
Javi stood in silence, as the both of you fought the tears streaming down your cheeks. He wasnât sure if he had just been hit in the gut with a giant sucker punch, or if the weight of the world had just been lifted off his shoulders. He truly didnât know how to feel. He wasnât even sure if he had heard you correctly. Did you really just tell him that you knew about the fucked up, terrible things he had done and that you didnât care? That you still fucking loved him? All you wanted was for him to trust that you wanted to be there for him? He could feel his hands trembling and lip quivering as he tried to find the words to speak.
 âOsita⊠I- fuck, baby. Osita, Iâm so sorry. I trust you with my fucking life. You- You donât deserve to have to deal with with all the fucked up things Iâve done. I donât wanna scare you away, baby. Youâre the best thing thatâs ever fucking happened to me and I was so terrified if you found out about the terrible person I used to be, youâd leave. Itâs not fair to you, I canât expect you to carry the weight of all the fucking things Iâve done, too. Iâm so sorry.â Quietly, Javi sat down next to you on the empty swing, burying his hands in his face. Gently, you reached over, pulling his hands away, forcing him to look at you.Â
âWhatever you tell me isnât gonna scare me away. I promise. The only thing thatâs gonna scare me is when you try to pretend youâre okay when youâre not. Javi⊠Javi, I just- I just wanna be there for you. I donât want you to have to do it alone. Iâd do anything for you. I trust you more than anyone. Youâre my best friend. I just- fuck- I just want you to trust that Iâll always be there for you to. I promise.âÂ
And just like that, the last brick holding up the wall between you and Javier Peña collapsed. There was nothing left to run from. Nothing left to hide. After he returned home, he was a changed man. He had hated the person he had become. Maybe there was a part of him that didnât want to be loved, because he didnât believe that he deserved to be. But then, there was you.Â
You.Â
You had taken everything he had known and changed his life for the better. You had become his better half, the person he loved more than anyone in the world. You had proved he was worthy of more than just existing- you had proved to Javi that he was worth the love and happiness you had promised him from the moment you had come into his life and made it worth living for.Â
âYou promise?âÂ
âI promise. Always.âÂ
The way Javi grabbed you and wrapped you in his arms, grasping at the back of your shirt as he pulled you in tighter, feeling the hot breath of his silent sobs against your shoulder told you everything you needed to know. You didnât know much, but if there was one thing you did know, it was that you loved Javier Peña more than life itself. As quickly as it had felt like your life had fallen apart, he had come into it and picked up the broken pieces to put it back together. And on an October night in San Antonio, sitting on an old wooden swing set in the Murphyâs backyard, you hoped that Javi knew that you would always be there to pick up the shattered parts of his past, too.Â
You werenât sure how many hours had passed as you sat hand in hand in the swings with Javi as you listened to anything and everything he had to say. Long after the backyard was empty, and the bonfire had faded to embers and ashes, and the only one left awake besides the two of you was Connie, trying to drag Steve back inside from the plastic lawn chair he had passed out on, you finally made your way up to bed for the best sleep the two of you had in a very, very long time. Your goodbyes to the Murphyâs had been short and sweet- Connie exhausted from the late night, and Steve barley coherent from how hungover he was, you were still both so thankful the two of you had made the journey out to see them, and the both of you, just as grateful for the sweet and supportive life long friends you knew the Murphyâs would become. Most of your drive back to Laredo was spent in a comfortable silence, the golden sunrise spilling through the windows of Javiâs truck as you cruised down the highway, Javiâs hand never leaving yours, your fingers intertwined together as his thumb gently rubbed against your soft skin and your head rested against his broad shoulder.Â
âHow are you feeling about seeing your mom today?â You asked, lightly squeezing his arm as you smiled up at him, now exiting off the freeway quickly approaching the cemetery where you planned to meet Chucho to celebrate DĂa De Los Muertos, trying your best to comfort Javi as he prepared to see his momâs gravesite for the first time since her funeral almost a decade ago. Javi let out a quiet sigh, his grip tightening just a little tighter around your hand as he looked over at you, a surprisingly calm look flooding his face.Â
âIâm actually doing okay. Better than I would have thought. I think I was always so worried that she wouldnât be proud of me and the man Iâd become after she was gone. I um- I finally think that sheâd be proud of me now.â He glanced over at you, his smile soft and tender as he soaked in the reason for his pride sitting right beside him.Â
You noticed Chuchoâs truck as you pulled up to park along the edge of the small cemetery, Chucho excitedly waving you down as you both hopped out of the car. Walking around to Javi, you were quick to grab his hand, giving him a reassuring grip as the two of you made your way through the gravestones along the thin cobblestone path towards Chucho, already arranging the items he had collected for Luciaâs ofrenda.Â
âHola, niños.â Chucho grinned, wrapping his arms around the both of you. âIâm so glad youâre here.âÂ
âThanks for letting me be a part of today, Chucho. I know⊠Well, I just- Iâm really honored to- just, thank you.â Chucho wasted no time pulling you into your own hug, his rough and worn hands holding you by the shoulders as he looked at you with misty eyes.Â
âMija, I should be thanking you. If it wasnât for you, I donât know if we would all be here today. Luciaâs last wish to me was that I would promise to make sure Javier was happy. Now hija, I think my sweet Lucia can rest a little easier knowing someone else has already fulfilled my promise for me.â As the two of you spoke, you hadnât noticed as Javi had quietly stepped over to his motherâs gravestone, crouching next to it, his fingers delicately tracing along the engraved letters of her name, his other hand holding one of the marigold flowers Chucho had brought with him. The two of you watched quietly as Javi sat next to his mom, gently placing the flower on the shiny stone as he spoke.Â
âHola, mamĂĄ. Te extrañé. Siento haber tarado tanto.â (Hi mom. I missed you. Iâm sorry I took so long). Javiâs voice trembled as he took a deep breath in, slowly exhaling as his hand rested on the stone, warm from the sun, shining brightly in the blue November sky. âQue estaba asustada de de verte porque estaba orgullosala de la persona en la que me habĂa convertido. Que no querĂa decepcionarte. TenĂa miedo mucho, mamĂĄ. Me sentĂ como si todo se derrumbase. solo querĂa olvidar. Pero entoncesâŠâ (I was scared to see you because I wasnât proud of the person Iâd become. I didnât want to disappoint you. I was so scared, mom. I felt like I let everyone down. I just wanted to forget. But thenâŠ). Javi turned his head, seeing you and Chucho, arm in arm, a smile growing across his face as looked back at the two people in life he loved the most. He took an extra moment to stare at you and the soft grin spread between your cheeks, basking in the comfort and warmth of the woman who had forever changed his life for the better. âPero entonces, mamĂĄ, La conocĂ. Que es perfecta. Nunca supe que podĂas amar tanto a alguien. Ella es lo mejor que me ha pasado. La habrĂas amado.ella es una maestra, tambien. A veces me pregunto quĂ© ve en mĂ. No sĂ© quĂ© hice para merecerse. voy a pedirle que se case conmigo.CuidarĂ© bien de ella. Ella se merece todo lo que le pueda dar y mĂĄs. Espero que estĂ©s orgulloso de mĂ, mamĂĄ. te echo mucho, Pero le juro a usted, al fin soy feliz. Te amo, mamĂĄ.â (But then, mom, I met her. She is perfect. I never knew you could love someone so much. She is the best thing thatâs ever happened to me. You would have loved her. Sheâs a teacher too. Sometimes, I wonder what she sees in me. I donât know what I did to deserve her. Iâm gonna ask her to marry me. Iâm gonna take such good care of her. She deserves everything I can give her and more. I hope youâre proud of me, mamĂĄ. I miss you so much, but I promise you, Iâm finally happy. I love you, mom.)Â
With a gentle nudge from Chucho, you softly stepped behind Javi, gently placing your hands on his shoulders before he rose up and you wrapped your arms around his waist, resting your head against his chest as he wiped away the tears welling behind his eyes. Staring down at Luciaâs gravestone, Javi ran his hand through your hair, carefully planting a kiss against your head and burying his nose in the soft waves of your hair.Â
âI wish I would have had the chance to have met you, Mrs. Peña. I would have had someone else to commensurate with over all of the crazy teaching stories Iâm sure the both of us have. Maria, Estelle and Linda all miss you a lot too, but Iâm sure they havenât changed a bit. Thanks for raising such a good son. I donât know what I would do without him. I know he says that he doesnât know what he did to deserve me, but I really think it should be the other way around. I promise Iâll look out for him.â You tried your best to smile through your soft sobs, looking up at Javi, tears streaming down his wet cheeks. It wasnât long before Chucho had snuck up behind you, patting each of you on the back before smiling down at Lucia, too.Â
âEstos dos estĂĄn tan enamorados, Lucia. Tal vez mĂĄs que tĂș y yo. Ella es una buena chica. Estoy muy contenta de que ella sea parte de nuestra familia. Finalmente tendremos a nuestros nietos, tambiĂ©n.â (These two are so in love, Lucia. Maybe even more than you and I. She is a great girl. I am so happy she is a part of our family. We are finally going to get our grandchildren, too). Chucho winked, nudging Javi in the side, forcing him to laugh through his tears, shaking his head at his dadâs comment. âNow, no more tears, you two. This is a happy day. Your mamĂĄ is smiling down on you, and I can almost hear here scolding me to keep you from crying anymore. Câmon, letâs decorate and eat, I even brought pozole.âÂ
The three of you spent the next hour decorating Luciaâs grave with bright orange and gold cempazuchitl (marigold flowers) and little Calaveras (sugar skulls) painted in bold colors and refined details, sharing and laughing about Javiâs favorite memories of his mother while snacking on the Pozole Chucho had brought to share. For the first time in a long time, Javi no longer felt guilt and grief when he thought about his mom- her memory filled him with love and joy. He wasnât the same bitter, broken man he was when he had said his final goodbyes to his mother all those years ago. While he wished he could change the past, the reality of the present, and his future finally brought him peace, knowing he could be proud of the man he had become, thanks to you.Â
As Javi helped Chucho to clean up the extra flowers and decorations he had brought, you couldnât help yourself from reaching at the wrinkled photo you had shoved in your pocket as you had packed up to leave from the Murphyâs this morning. You carefully took it out, holding it gently in your hands as you tried to uncrinkle the edges. âYou ready, Hermosa?â Javi called out, now a few steps ahead of you, making his way back towards the truck. âHermosa?â He asked again, thinking perhaps you hadnât heard him the first time. When he was greeted by silence again, he looked back to see you staring at the crumpled photo in your hands.Â
âI um- I know that he isnât buried here, and uh, if you donât want me to, itâs okay- but um- is it, is it alright if I leave a couple flowers for Patrick?â You sniffed, a tear dropping down on the photo of the two of you, Patrick holding you in a headlock as you laughed with a wide, toothy grin, drowning in one of his old Blackhawks jerseys that you were so excited to wear because it belonged to him.Â
âOf course, Osita. Of course it is.â Javi smiled at you softly, turning back around with the tub of leftover decorations, making his way towards you. Quietly, you walked back over to Luciaâs gravestone, carefully setting down the picture of you and Patrick next to it, putting a few marigolds over top of it so it stayed pinned in place from the warm breeze.Â
âI miss you, asshole. You deserved so much better. I hope you donât still think that I hate you. I mean, I do, but you know what I mean. Honestly, you were lucky you didnât have to live through the Blackhawks losing in the playoffs this year, that fucking sucked. Mom and Dad and Charlie and David all miss you too. I finally went back home to see them. It still wasnât the same without you there, but I know you donât hurt anymore. I hope that you donât hurt anymore. I love you, Patrick. Crack open a cold one up there for me, okay?â Trying your best to not to uncontrollably sob, you sniffled, wiping the tears running down your face as you leaned your head against Javiâs chest. He ran his hand along your back as he held you tighter, letting you take a moment to get everything out before you took a deep breath, nodding your head as if to signify to Javi and yourself that you were okay.Â
âYou okay, Osita? We can take all the time you need, baby.â Javi whispered, pressing a gentle kiss into your shoulder.Â
âNo, Iâm okay. I just- I wanted to do something for him, too. Thanks, Javi. I love you.âÂ
âI know.âÂ
After several more long hugs goodbye with Chucho, you and Javi began your journey back home, marveling at the beautiful sunset, painting the sky with bright pinks and oranges and the warmth and comfort of Lucia and Patrickâs presence. You were so lost in thought staring out at the fading sky, you hadnât even noticed that Javi had detoured from your usual route home until he had said something to you. âYou okay if we make a quick pit stop on the way home, Osita?â You nodded, smiling at the golden glow covering his face. It wasnât long until you were veering off the main road, Javi turning to make his way down a tree lined gravel pathway with a âFor Saleâ sign posted in front of it.Â
âFor sale?â You questioned, looking over at Javi before peering out your window to watch the trees lining the path pass by you as the gravel crunched under the truckâs tires.
âYeah, uh- I was talking with Steve at the party yesterday and he- uh, one of his buddies said he was looking to get out of the city- wanted a plot of land to build on. Said he had heard good things about Laredo but didnât have time to go check things out for himself, so I told him I would go take a look around and let Steve know what I thought.â Javi replied, trying his best to sound nonchalant as you shrugged before looking back out the window. As you reached the end of the path, the trees opened to reveal a beautiful, lush green field, the sun setting perfectly along the rolling hills of the horizon in front of you. Turning off the ignition, Javi gestured for the both of you to get out of the truck so you could go take a look around.Â
âJav⊠This is beautiful.â You marveld, grinning as you took in the beauty of the open space drenched in golden sunset.Â
âYou like it?â Javi grinned, laughing as you spun around, the gentle breeze blowing your hair in and out of your face.Â
âOh my God, yeah. Tell Steveâs friend to get on this place ASAP before I scrounge up every penny I have and sell one of my kidneys on the black market to buy it from him. There doesnât even need to be a house, Iâll just lay in the empty field, perfectly content.â You giggled, letting out a happy sigh as you grabbed Javiâs hand, leaning your head against his arm as you admired the sun slipping away below the horizon.Â
âIâll take that as a yes then. He said heâs wanting to build a house here, do you think- do you think that he would think itâs got enough space? Itâs not too far from everything? I know itâs a little farther from downtown and a longer drive to work- if uh, if he works by where we do, you donât think thatâd be a problem? For him?â Javi squeezed back, trying his best not to stumble over his words.Â
âAre you kidding me? Itâs literally perfect out here, Javi. Could you imagine getting to see this every night? He better put some big windows on this house so he can get all of the sunlight, oh my god, it would be so pretty. Itâs not even that far from everything, and the view makes the extra drive time worth every minute. I know itâs probably a far way off, and we havenât really talked about it, but I would love to live at a place like this someday.âÂ
Javi smiled to himself, looking down at you as you rested against him, soaking in every ounce of you as he shifted his arm to wrap around your waist, gently rubbing his thumb along the soft hem of your shirt before letting out a content sigh.Â
âYeah. Me too.â
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