#(and how she went about things with nick was definitely wrong and I know they kind of skate over that)

[piratefalls]

upon whatever number rewatch this is at this point (3? 4?) i just clocked that adalind actually looks uncomfortable when she’s flying to vienna at the end of season 3. like she’s telling herself, on repeat, “it was for my baby” while also not feeling good about the thing she did. she’s trying so hard to justify it to herself but she can’t even make herself fake a smile. she’s not proud. she’s a desperate mother who wants her child back and will do whatever it takes to accomplish it.

[nervoussagittarius]

a vlog that’s pretty much just y/n’s day in the life

chris sturniolo x reader

summary: your boyfriend and his brothers film a day of their life, including their time with you. request

warning: fluffy, slightly suggestive (if you look hard enough), language

“wake up sleep heads,” nick said focusing the camera on yours and chris’s sleeping frames. “we’re filming our lives today and you guys need to get up.”

a slight groan could be heard from your boyfriend, but you made no efforts to acknowledge it. you were to focused on the deep sleep you were attempting to fall back into. “what nick?” chris’s voice had sleep prominent in it. his words made you more alert than before.

you picked your head up slightly but quickly threw it back down, loudly sighing at the light nick pointed at the two of you. you head came in contact with chris’s arm, slightly scaring him. “nick what the fuck are you doing kid. can’t you see she’s trying to sleep.” chris was less concerned about his own comfort then yours. he turned his body into you, blocking you from the light.

“can you two just get up and start yapping so this video is entertaining?”

“yea nick, just get the fuck out”

with nick leaving the room, chris started getting out of bed as well. becoming more coherent, you looked over at chris as he was picking both of your guys clothes off the floor from last night. “chris, get back in bed with me” you said to him giving him a slight smirk. he smiled at you before launching himself back in the bed.

the boys had a couple meetings that morning, so they picked up the camera again as you all were shopping for ingredients for dinner. since you volunteered to make them food it was the boys job to figure out everything you needed.

nick walked behind you, chris, and matt so he could film what the three of you were doing. matt pushed the cart as chris kept his death grip on your hand, pulling you with him and pointing out every interesting thing he saw. “look at the flowers, baby. do you want flowers? i’m gonna buy you flowers. what kind do you want?” chris dropped your hand walking away from you as he looked intently at the flowers trying to choose the prettiest ones. “you don’t need to buy me flowers” you had to raise your voice a little so he could hear you, but in response all you got was a little hand wave brushing your comment off.

nick turned the camera on you. “your boyfriend is like a child. he doesn’t listen.” you gave his a shrug and a laugh. “i think i have to have a talk with mary lou to see what went wrong with that one” you said pointing at chris, who was now walking back over to you three with two different bouquets of flowers.

“you referring to your amazing boyfriend, who’s buying you flowers might i add, as ‘that one’ is crazy.” chris found his place at your side. he handed you the flowers and pulled a piece of lint off of the fresh love hoodie of his that you were wearing. “i don’t know what you’re talking about, honey. also, i said you didn’t have to buy me flowers.” “exactly that why i’m buying you two.” he said kissing your forehead nodding in matt’s direction for you to start walking.

poor matt had been done most of the grocery shopping himself. none of you were paying enough attention to him, so when you got home to make dinner the ingredients were definitely a suprise. luckily you ended up with chicken and pasta so the rest came easily.

chris came up to you with the camera as you were cooking. “what are you making chef?” before you even got the chance to open your mouth and respond another comment was being made by chris. “vlog, look at how pretty my girlfriend is. she’s actually perfection” he put the camera on the counter so it was facing both of you. he grabbed your hand and pulled you away from the stove so you were in frame. “give them a spin ma. wearing my brand and everything”

you faked annoyance as you spun beside chris. not being able to keep a straight face for long you broke into laughter. when you returned to facing him he pulled you into a hug. he released your shoulders so he could hold your face him his hands. with your arms still around his waist, you leaned up to give him a small kiss.

matt came over to you guys, looked at you in disgust, and grabbed the camera off the counter. “sorry for you had to see that. chef matt is taking over because our original chef has become distracted.” matt tried to take your spot at the stove, but you weren’t going to allow it. “matt do not touch that you’re going to ruin it.” the bickering went on between you two for a while before realizing you could just work together.

that night, after eating and cleaning up the dishes, top golf was suggested by none other then chris sturniolo. his love for the activity was one that you’d never understand, but you went nonetheless.

a few rounds went by before you inevitably realized you’d never win against those three so you took over vlogging for them instead. the camera pointed at nick as he took his swing. “ohhh well that was definitely something.” you said from behind the camera. nick was far enough away that he couldn’t hear your comment, but you’d definitely get shit for it while he edited. the two boys to you left of a kick out of it though.

matt and chris broke out into laughter catching the attention of nick. “what are you two fuckers laughing about? try to do better.” he said, giving them attitude. you held back your laugh as nick sat to the right of you.

for entertainment purposes (and also to annoy him) you started narrating everything matt did. “and… matt sturniolo picks up his golf club. he waves it in front of the sensor. he gets his golf ball. he gets ready to hit. is it going to be good ladies, gentleman, and nonbinaries? we’ll see. and he hits, and it’s…… not as good as nicks shot.” matt side eyes you as chris starts laughing uncontrollably. he falls into your side sending you and the camera to the right into nick.

nick takes the camera from you since your posture has been infiltrated by chris’s body. chris is still laughing when matt gets back to the seats, so like any brother would, matt slaps him upside the head. chris groans as he pokes your shoulder. you’re conversation with nick gets cut off when you look over at him. “matt hit me” chris says with a childish tone. “okay and what do you want me to do about it babe? i’m not your mother. hit him back. i don’t fucking know” you say with a laugh.

the game quickly comes to an end with matt coming out in first place. the four of you decide to call it a night. and start walking back to the van.

when you guys finally got to the car nick started to outrow the video. “alright guys that’s it for this weeks vlog thank you so much for watching” he turned the camera towards the front of the car as you leaned over chris’s shoulder.

“chris can you please play 34+35 remix for nick and i.”

“no y/n” “absolutely not”

and with that the video concluded.

an: i didn’t have much motivation to write the past couple of days but i hope y’all enjoy this 🤍

[incendiobrock]

The Driskill Hotel {Chris Sturniolo}

Summary: fem!reader x bf!Chris go to Austin, Texas with Matt and Nick to film a video for Sam and Colby's channel at the Driskill Hotel. The reader is very sensitive to the supernatural and gets convinced to do the elevator ritual alone... What could possibly go wrong? ;)

Warnings: anxiety/panic attacks, ghostly encounters, fear of elevators, language, FLUFFFFF

A/N: I know this video is from awhile ago but I've had this idea and couldn't stop thinking about it. I started my page with imagines like this for Colby x reader and so I wanted to throw it back to my roots and make a Chris x reader (because I'm a die hard Chris girl)

Part 2??

You had been a fan of Sam and Colby for years, enjoying their content and being fascinated with their supernatural findings. There was always a part of you that was convinced you had a special connection with the supernatural, feeling extremely vulnerable and tethered to their world. Maybe it was due to your empathic nature, or maybe you were a undiscovered medium that hadn’t tapped into your powers.

You never tapped into your "abilities" because you were scared of what could possibly come from speaking to the dead. But when Nick, Matt, and Chris (and yourself) got asked to join in for an XPLR video on Sam and Colby's channel, you all knew that you couldn't pass it down. This is what led you all to Austin, Texas where the historic, haunted, Driskill Hotel was located.

The night had started somewhat normal, you all walked through the hotel with a tour guide where she explained the history of the building as well as the ghost inhabitants. Throughout the tour you would catch glimpses of shadow figures on the wall, hearing inaudible voices, and being extra sensitive to smells like cigar smoke and roses. The fear was definitely building inside of you when you observed that none of the rest of the group seemed to be experiencing the same things you were. You did your best to hold it together, knowing the triplets were excited to be included in the video, and not wanting to ruin your own experience of an inner fangirl being on an XPLR trip.

As the tour wrapped up and the night went on, Sam and Colby began to lead the investigation portion of their video. You stayed glued to Chris' side, feeling comfort in his presence, even with everything going on around you. Chris held an EMF reader in his left hand as his right hand was busy interlocking your fingers, running his thumb over your knuckles soothingly. He couldn't tell if you were nervous or if you were just trying to hone in on filming the video since you were all a guest to Sam and Colby's channel.

You and Chris stayed slightly behind the group as you made your way over to the elevators on the main lobby for the next part of the video, the elevator ritual. The elevators had already been acting up earlier in the night, not wanting to take you guys up to the floor you had requested. Elevators weren't necessarily your favorite inventions, a slight irrational fear of being stuck in one or one falling with you inside.

"Matt, the ghosts seem to really like you. Maybe you should be the one to do the ritual." You heard Sam say, observing how the EMF in Matt's hand continued to light up to red as they crossed through the grand lobby. As you passed by the receptionist desk you saw the figure of a tall man dart across the wall, making you subconsciously squeeze Chris' hand out of fright. "What's up baby? You okay?" Chris asked softly, pausing in his tracks to check up on you.

"Did you see that?" You asked him back, hoping that maybe you weren't going as crazy as you thought you were. Chris furrowed his eyebrows, glancing around the rotunda, trying to see whatever it was you were talking about. "See what?"

You let out a shaky breath, your palms becoming clammy as all the supernatural sensitivity was beginning to catch up to you. The hand that was holding onto Chris' disconnected as you rubbed the sweat on your pants, "I keep seeing shadows on the walls..." Chris frowns at your reply, wrapping his arms over your shoulders and pulling you into a hug. His lips pressed a firm kiss on your forehead, "I won't let anything hurt you, I promise."

"Chris! Y/n! You guys coming?" Colby asked, staring at you two from down the hall where they had stopped in front of the elevators. "Yeah we're coming, sorry!" Chris responded, gently pulling away from the hug and instantly wrapping his hand back in yours. As you stood in front of the elevator doors Sam explained to the camera, and to all of you, what the elevator ritual would consist of.

"y/n, will you do the honors?" Sam questioned, pulling your out of your trance and causing your jaw to drop open. "Huh? What?" You stuttered, not registering what he had elected you to do for this ritual.

"Do you want to do the ritual?" He rephrased, looking at you with big, hopeful eyes. Your body tensed at the thought, not only did elevators terrify you, but you had already been experiencing paranormal things the whole night. "You don't have to if you don't want." Chris said, breaking the short silence that filled the room, knowing you were already on edge and trying to stand up for you in case you were wary about doing it. "Uh, yeah, I think I could do it... I would just need to write down the order of the floors." You said, uncertainty filling your voice.

"Awesome! I'll text it to you." Sam said, beginning to type up a message to send to your phone. A lump began to form in your throat as you awaited the notification being sent to you. Chris gently rubbed your lower back, doing his best to calm your anxiety without bringing too much attention to your state, understanding that you didn't like when others were aware of your intimate emotions. Your phone vibrated in your hand, looking down to see the message;

12:00AM

Sam: 4, 2, 6, 2, 10, 5, 1

"Okay it's exactly midnight, you have to start now." Colby said, pressing the up button and watching the elevator door open. You took the camera from him, not saying a word as you faced the elevator. You swallowed the lump in your throat, knowing there was no way you could back out of this now. Stepping into the elevator you instantly felt chills run up your spine.

"Now remember, when you get to the fifth floor a lady might join you. If she does then when you try to come back down to the lobby the elevator will actually go up to the tenth floor, that's how we will know it worked. If it comes back down to one then the lady didn't enter and the ritual failed." Sam said, reminding you and the audience how things were supposed to go.

Shakily, your finger made its way up to press the number four, officially beginning the ritual. The door slowly shut in front of you, keeping eye contact with Chris until you couldn't anymore. The elevator rose and the door opened, nobody was there. Floor two, nothing.

Sixth floor.

Second floor, again.

Tenth floor.

Then finally, the fifth floor. Your breath caught in your throat as the elevator door opened unusually slow, revealing an empty hallway. 'This is just a game', 'It's not real', you tried reminding yourself as your heart beat uncontrollably inside your chest. You waited for a couple seconds before pressing the button for the first floor, praying that this stupid ritual hadn't actually worked. The doors shut and the elevator began to descend back to the first floor, allowing you to let out a breath you didn't even realize you were holding. "I guess the ritual failed guys," You lightly giggled talking into the camera, feeling relief wash over your whole body.

"Woah!" You yelped, almost dropping the camera as the elevator slightly dropped, the lights inside flickering. The screen above the door signaling that you were on the third floor. Before you knew it the elevator came to a halt, stopping dead in its tracks on the third floor.

"What? Oh no, no, no, no, no..." You whispered, panic rising inside of you as you dropped the camera to the floor and made your way to the control panel. You smashed the button for the first floor over and over again, hoping the elevator would start to move again. Nothing was happening however, the buttons not even lighting up when you pressed them. You began to reach into your back pocket for your phone, pulling it out to call Chris.

The dial tone played as you dropped to the floor in a seated position, legs shaking beneath you. After three rings Chris' voice filled your left ear, "Hey babe, why did you stop on the third floor? We were waiting for you to come back down-" He said quickly before you cut him off.

"Chris! The elevator is stuck! I don't know what to do, I'm freaking the fuck out!" Your breath became labored as you heaved in and out, feeling like no matter how much air you inhaled it wasn't reaching your lungs correctly. "Woah, woah. Okay, calm down please! Just breath alright? Listen to my breathing!" Chris instructed, knowing you were on the verge of a panic attack.

He let out slow, steady breaths of air while your vision began to blur with tears. Your head started to heat up and your ears began to ring, "I-I can't Chris... I can't breathe!" You huffed, clenching your hand over your aching heart.

"The elevators stuck, somebody go try and find someone to help!" You faintly heard Chris yell to the other boys, holding the phone away from his ear so it wasn't directed to you. "Yes you can, I believe in you babe. Nick is going to get some help, okay? Just hang in there." He continued to comfort you through the phone, coaching your breath back to normal as Nick found an employee. After five minutes, which felt like an eternity to you, the elevator doors where being pried open. The elevator had stopped just barely off center to the second floor, making the door inoperable on your side.

When the doors were finally opened you couldn't help but let the tears you had been containing fall, all the overwhelming fear catching up to your eyes. The employee held out a hand for you as you jumped the three foot distance onto the second floor lobby, landing slightly unsteady as the tears blurred your vision. Chris rushed over to you, faster than you had ever seen him move before, pulling you deep into his embrace.

"There, there, I got you. I got you, don't worry." He said, running his big hand through your hair. Your arms wrapped tightly around his torso, scared that he might disappear if you didn't hold him close. Tears stained his jacket sleeve as you buried your head into his shoulder. You both stayed like that for awhile, the others watching as you crumbled into Chris' arms.

Once you had finally cooled down, you all sat on some couches that were in the main lobby. You drank some water that Nick had brought for you as you stayed by Chris' side, his arm wrapped over your shoulders. "Y/n, I am so so sorry that the elevator got stuck. I had no idea that was going to happen and I feel horrible. I didn't realize you were scared of elevators." Sam apologized to you, feeling guilty that he had put you in this position in the first place.

"Sam, it's not your fault! How would you have known the elevator was going to get stuck?" You said sincerely, appreciating his apology even though he had nothing to do with the unfortunate situation.

"If you guys need to call it a night and go back to your hotel, we completely understand." Colby said, offering to end the night where it was instead of finishing out the investigation. "No, it's okay. I'm good now, really. There's no need to scrap the rest of the video just because of me." You reassured, wanting the boys to finish the video they had put so much effort into already.

"Are you sure?" Chris asked you.

"Yes, I'm sure. Now who's ready for the Estes Method?"

[imwetforyourmom]

used

summary: chris discovers his girlfriend’s secret tiktok account, and what he finds on it makes him regret everything.

warnings: angst, yelling, swearing, shit talking, toxicity, breaking up

a/n: thought of this after listening to happier than ever by billie eilish. I do not apologize for what this fic contains.

a/n 2: not entirely sure if the song matches up great w the fic but like, its what I listened to while writing it

proofread + edited

~

“get out.”

of course chris would’ve respected her privacy, but when her phone was blowing up with notifications every 30 seconds he really couldn’t help but let his curiosity get the best of him.

he grabbed her phone from beside him on the bed and unlocked it, going to see what app it was that was blowing up, seeing tiktok at the bottom of her phone screen with 99+ notifications. his eyebrows raised, he tapped the app and pressed her account, accidentally missing the notification button.

his face dropped when he saw her videos, her description and her profile photo, all consisting of negative things. her description saying nothing but ‘I hate chris” like an immature middle schooler rage baiting, but he knew she wouldn’t do that for fun.

he tapped the first video posted, reading the first section of the slideshow before swiping to the second one, his heart dropping to his ass with each word he read.

“i fucking hate chris so much, kid wont give me any space, he’s so nosy and obnoxious and loud …” chris stopped himself, knowing what he read next was going to be way worse, he knew when y/n hated something, she wasn’t afraid to speak her mind and list everything she hated about it, in cruel ways. he’d been there for a lot of her rants.

he scrolled down to the next video, his vision already blurring with the tears pooling in his eyes. before letting himself even try and read it, he clicked out of the video and went to notifications, wanting to see what else she’d said about him and how much worse it could’ve gotten.

seeing her messages spammed, he checked it, in hopes of people disagreeing but what he saw only tore his heart apart more.

the most recent text she’d sent someone was “I hate chris so much ..” he was sure there was definitely way more messages sent about her passionate hatred for him further in the messages, but he didn’t want to see them, he wouldn’t do that to himself.

he clicked her phone off and set it on the bed where he found it and turned to his side, curling into a ball, facing away from the door and letting his tears fall down his face, his chest ached and his stomach felt like an endless pit of nothing, he shut his eyes and held his breath tightly, attempting to cry quietly.

he actually thought y/n liked him, he actually thought she was inlove with him, he actually thought she was the one.

~

when y/n walked back into the room from her small trip to the gas station with nick, when she saw what laid on the bed. a pair of shaking shoulders, muffled sobs and chris in a ball, a million thoughts raced in her head at once and her heart rate increased incredibly fast.

her breathing went erotic, she didnt even care that chris was sobbing, more so what he was sobbing about is what she cared, she knew she left her phone here. what if he went through it?

“chris?” she whispered hesitantly, walking over to him and gently tapping him on the shoulder, hesitantly.

chris sat up, his cheeks red and tear-stained, his eyes bloodshot and his chest moving up and down rapidly. he shoved y/ns hand off him and stared at her, a disgusted look in his eyes.

“dont fucking touch me.” he spat, his voice attempting to be stern, but failing miserably and going shaky, but still getting the point across.

“whats- whats wrong?” y/n sat down next to him, a shooken look in her eyes.

“what the fuck do you mean ‘what’s wrong’? I saw everything! I know everything.” he grabbed her phone and unlocked it, pressing tiktok and shoving it in her lap.

“what the fuck is wrong with you!” he stood up, his voice raising, anger bubbling within him. his sad demeanor quickly changing to angry and honestly disgusted.

“I- I-“ y/n attempted to speak but she couldn’t bring herself to, she didn’t want to lie and say she liked him, but she didn’t really watch to hurt his feelings—well, I mean, he did see everything on her tiktok, so, fuck it. whats she got left to lose now?

she stood up as well, “I dont fucking like you chris! that’s whats wrong! you’re always up in my personal space, always so fucking childish and immature, you don’t act your age and it’s irritating, chris!” y/n yelled, throwing her arms to her sides, trying to make valid reasons of why she shit talked him.

his gaze hardened, he blinked rapidly to push away the forming tears, “then you should’ve said something before going off to the internet, y/n, those fucking online people can’t do anything about it. only you and me! honestly, how fucking stupid are you!?” he rolled his eyes at her very clearly not thought out actions. even he wasnt that dumb.

“why’d you even stay with me if you hated me so much, y/n? you know I love you, why’d you do that to me?” his voice lowered, his eyes filling with tears again, thinking about how much she probably faked their relationship, how many ‘I love you’’s she’s faked, how much of their relatonship she’s faked.

y/n swallowed, she was gonna be truthful, she’s already hurt chris’ feelings with lying, so why lie even more now that he knows, if she lied more it’d just be useless.

“I liked the attention on online, I liked how many followers I got, I liked being noticed, chris, is that too much to ask for?” as bad as she wanted to feel bad, she couldn’t. she was glad chris found everything, now she wouldn’t have to fake everything, all the time. honestly, if she had to lie any more she’d make it obvious she hated him.

“you used me for my fame?” he asked, his voice breaking and his eyes no longer being able to withhold the tears falling down his cheeks.

fucking ridiculus, is what it is. how does anyone have the actual heart to use someone for fame? of course he expected it.. he just jever expected it to be y/n. he genuinely thought she loved him.

“of course I used you, chris! you thought I actually liked you?” she asked more with sympathy, but not sympathy for the fact that she felt bad, more that he was so pathetic he actually thought she liked him.

“yes, I actually thought you loved me, y/n. I thought you were actually just as in love with me as I am, I thought you meant all of those ‘I love you’’s and ‘I miss you’’s, I thought we were in a genuine relationship, y/n. i wanted to be able to put a ring on your finger, i wanted to be able to call you my wife.” chris’ tears fell down his face even faster now, his hands clenched in fists at his sides as he spoke with honesty.

y/n looked at him, his disheveled appearance and the sincerity in his eyes brought a sinking in her chest, did she regret what she did though? no, shes fucking grateful she did what she did.

“I would’ve never done that to you.” sobs ripped from his throat with each word he spoke.

“i’m sorry, chris.” y/n said, unsure of what else to say, as guilty as she felt, she didn’t regret anything she’d done or said about him, she truly hated him with a passion.

chris swallowed one of his sobs, “you dont get to say that to me,” he looked at her phone, then her and the door.

“this is just embarassing.” he scoffed, wiping his eyes and crossing his arms.

“get out.” he finished off, waiting for her to leave, his eyes holding such a deep sense of something, y/n couldn’t look him in the eyes.

she nodded silently, grabbing her stuff and leaving his room, he could hear the front door shut as well.

taking in a breath, he held his composure, leaving his room and walking upstairs. heading for matt’s room. he knew if he stayed in his room, alone, he’d never leave again. he was more embarassed than sad, he actually fell for y/n, and her fucking lies.

he knocked on matts door and without warning he walked in, closing the door behind himself and standing at the doorway before looking up to meet matt’s eyes, his eyebrow arched at his brothers sudden appearance.

his face immediately softened once he heard a sob from chris’ throat and caught sight of his brothers, tear stained cheek and bloodshot eyes still filled with tears. he opened his arms for him, inviting chris to lay in his arms and cry as much as he needed to.

chris walked over to matts bed, taking a seat right next to him, putting his torso onto matts and stuffing his face into the crook of his neck.

matt rubbed his back, whispering and humming soothing words, his heart aching for chris. he’d never want to see his brother in this state, but he was glad he came to him rather than dealing with it alone, thats all he’d ever ask for.

he wasnt sure what was going on, but all he knew was that chris needed him and he’d be there for as long as he needed.

1587 words.

@luverboychris @chrissturniolosfavoritesexdoll @meg-sturniolo @junnniiieee07 @genshin-addict @mels22lunchbox @ssilentzom @haunted-headset @sturnib-tch @b2cute @livvy4realll @graysturns @wh0resstuff @jnkvivi @sturn-bugz

@maryx2xx @mattsmad @dollyspsychoxo

[bratzforchris]

Goldfish

Summary: Matt has a chronic illness that the nurses at his local clinic are all too familiar with. The new nurse in town hasn't had a chance to meet him yet, but what happens when she does?

Pairing: Matt x nursefem!reader

Warnings: Mentions of needles and blood, chronic illness, use of medical steroids, flirty nurse!reader (this is all fiction!), Matt is 20/reader is 23, Matt has a service dog!!

Word Count: Just over 2k

A/N: This is lowkey inspired by the experience I had a few days ago with a flirty nurse while I was in the ER (I'm still thinking about him--had me giggling n kicking my feet n shit like I was in a rom com [this is definitely a story time]). ANYWAY, Matt has PFAPA (my chronic illness!) here. It's usually a childhood thing, but some rare cases like myself don't grow out of it. You can read more about it here, if you'd like. Enjoy!!

Matt Sturniolo is all too familiar with his local pediatric emergency room. In fact, he’s been there so many times that the nurses have started to treat him as less of a patient, and more of a friend. “Hey Matt!”, “How’s YouTube going, Matt?”, “I remember you!”,  “I saw you last time!”, and the list went on. Some might ask why he still went there at almost 21, but when you had a chronic illness, it was best to see the people who had been caring for you for years if you could. These nurses had been caring for him at least once a month, ever since he was 12, and were usually quite skilled in how to manage the brunette’s comfort. 

Matt had PFAPA, which left him with high fevers and extremely sore, almost strep like sore throats every month. It was a miserable thing to live, and it really impacted his happiness, especially on days like today when he was having one of the worst flare ups he’d had in a long time and both Nick and Chris were unable to come along with him to the doctor. Luckily for Matt, he had his service dog, Emily, with him, but he still longed for a human companion as well. While some people wondered why he ‘needed’ a service dog, Matt’s disability was invisible. Emily would let him know when his flare ups were starting as well as laying on him to soothe his body aches and chills and helping with his anxiety at doctor visits. 

The nurse tech took him into the back rather quickly, running their usual tests of strep, the flu, and COVID. About 98% of the time, they would all come back negative, but the hospital staff liked to do all they could to make Matt more comfortable. Sure enough, the nurse practitioner stepped in about 30 minutes later, a sad look on her face. 

“How are you feeling, Matt?”

Matt shrugged, grimacing as his throat ached when he swallowed. “‘M not great.” he murmured, petting his pup’s head softly as the anxiety welled in his chest. 

“Well, everything came back negative,” she told, a sad look on her face. “We can test you for mono, though. You have a lot of the symptoms for that. That one is a blood test. We’re also going to give you an IV since you’re dehydrated.”

That sentence alone made him want to cry. Despite the tattoos and piercings he had, Matt hated medical needles. They hurt and they freaked him out. Sensing his anxiety, Emily scooted closer to Matt, whining softly and butting his leg with her head. Matt pet the dog’s head softly, steadying himself to get his breath. “Okay…” he breathed, steadying himself. 

The nurse practitioner patted his leg gently, hurrying out of the room to attend to her other patients. Matt began to panic, his breathing rapidly increasing as tears welled in his eyes. He didn’t want any of this. He just wanted them to tell him what was wrong so he could get some meds, go home, and sleep. Patting the bed he was laying on gently, Emily hopped up, curling into Matt’s side. The pooch rested her head on her owner’s chest, subconsciously working to slow the brunette’s heart rate. 

A few minutes later, another nurse and a lab tech stepped into the small room he was in, holding a tray full of supplies. Matt squeezed his eyes shut tightly at the sight, already dreading the feeling of getting blood drawn. Both healthcare workers were very kind, of course, whispering soft nothings to him as they patted his leg and prepared to draw his blood. They promised him that the procedure would be quick and easy, but those words never mixed well with a chronic illness. 

“Your vein rolled because you’re dehydrated. We’re going to have to draw from your other arm.” the lab tech informed him.

“O…kay.” Matt whispered shakily, trying to get his breath and the feeling in his hand back. 

The brunette knew that it was okay to cry, but that didn’t make it any less embarrassing. He was a grown man, laying here in a kid’s hospital room, trying not to cry while they tried to draw his blood again in his right arm. Unfortunately for Matt, the dehydration he was experiencing from his extremely sore throat caused his vein to roll again.

“Oh sweetheart,” the nurse said sympathetically, patting his leg. “We’re going to give you a minute, okay? Let’s get some water and Gatorade in you before we try again.”

Matt just nodded as he was passed a mini water bottle and a cherry Gatorade. He was hearing their words, but honestly, he didn’t care. All he knew was that he was going to be poked and prodded again, and he didn’t like it. Emily snuggled into his side, whining softly and brushing her sandpaper tongue against her owner’s arm, trying desperately to get Matt to feel better. 

“Alright, honey,” the sweet, older nurse stepped into Matt’s room again, holding a fresh tub of supplies to draw his blood. “Let’s try it in your left hand, okay?”

Because chronic illness never made things easy, the third time was still a failure, leaving Matt with an already bruising hand and tears pricking his eyes. Before he knew it, he was being shoved a packet of goldfish crackers, a popsicle, and more water, being informed that he had to eat before they could try again. The snacks felt like swallowing shrapnel, making the boy cringe every time he had to swallow. 

“Hello, oldest patient of the day!” You cheered, practically walking into Matt’s room on a cloud of glitter. 

Matt jumped in shock, petting his dog’s head to calm his racing heart. “...hi…” he mumbled. 

“They called me in for backup,” You explained, a smile on your face. You absolutely loved nursing, and every day at your job truly felt like a gift. You’d graduated from nursing school last year at the top of your class and had been working in the pediatric emergency room ever since. It wasn’t every day that you had a patient who was 20, but you didn’t mind. “We’re getting this blood draw this time so you can get the fuck out of here,” You slapped a hand over your mouth. “Shit, I’m sorry. I hope you don’t mind if I curse.”

For the first time all day, a small giggled made its way out of Matt’s mouth. “No, I’m okay.”

“I see you have a buddy,” You commented. “That’s nice.”

“She helps my…anxiety.” Matt seemingly chose his words carefully, but they still made you smile. It was clear that the boy had a bond with his pup. 

“I’m gonna look at your tonsils first so we can get you some medicine to help you swallow and then we’ll draw your blood, okay?” You asked, wanting to make sure your patient was comfortable with everything. 

At the mention of a blood draw, Matt’s blue eyes widened with anxiety, his body becoming visibly tense. You had become in tune with this, sliding on a pair of pink latex gloves and patting the soft material of the pajama pants on his knee. 

“Hey, look at me,” You murmured softly, waiting for his response. Once Matt had looked at you, you chugged on. “We’re just chilling, okay? I’m not going to do anything yet.”

Matt nodded, letting out an anxious breath he’d been holding. “Okay.” he whispered. 

You grabbed the flashlight to look in his throat off the wall. “Alright, I’m pretty sure you know the drill,” You chuckled. “Open and say ‘ahhh!’...oh yeah, you’ve got an icky throat. That looks like it hurts. Although…did you have a blue popsicle? You’ve got blue tonsils. It’s rather endearing.”

Matt flushed, his ears going red as he nodded. You smiled softly, throwing away the cap and hanging the flashlight back on the wall. You gave the boy the steroidal liquid the nurse practitioner had drawn up for him to ease the swelling in his throat, a blush creeping onto your face as Matt scrunched his eyes up at the disgusting taste, quite literally making grabby hands for his Gatorade. 

“Fuck, that’s gross.” he whined. 

“At least you got it over with!” You hummed cheerfully, in a small aim to make him feel better. “Unfortunately, it’s time for the bad part, but we can make it a little less shitty if you want? Maybe you could play me some music? Something you like, okay?” 

Matt fiddled with his phone for a moment before landing on Dominic Fike’s latest release. You smiled at the lyrics, releasing this was one of your favorite songs at the moment. You prepped the materials needed to finally get Matt’s blood drawn for the mono test, patting his knee gently in an effort to calm his trembling frame as he rubbed his pup’s head. 

“Hey, can I tell you something?” You whispered shyly, setting him up for the procedure. “You’ve got goldfish in your teeth–it’s really cute.” You giggled, your own cheeks becoming red. 

The brunette whined, breathing deeply as you began to draw his blood. “That’s embarrassing.” he grunted. 

A few deep breaths and small, sad noises later, you had finally gotten the sample needed. “We got it!” You told Matt excitedly, placing a Barney band aid across the site. “All done!”

You bustled around the room, making sure Matt was comfortable, throwing away your supplies, and making notes on your clipboard. You helped the boy drink water and got him (and Emily) a blanket, before taking his samples down to the lab to get checked out. By the time everything was said and done, an hour had passed and Matt was asleep against the small bed when you knocked on his door. 

“Hey sleepyhead,” You giggled, stepping into the room. “Nice nap?” Matt fisted his eyes, nodding as you went over his discharge instructions. You always hated releasing patients with no explanations or answers as to why they felt so bad, but in cases like Matt’s, that wasn’t always possible. Your best bet was to make him as comfortable as possible here. “Do you have any questions?”

The brunette shook his head, finally able to speak now that the steroids were beginning to work their magic on his throat. “No, but thank you. You’ve been the best nurse I’ve had all day…maybe even ever.”

You blushed at the compliment, helping the boy stand since you knew he was already exhausted, dehydrated, and lightheaded from having his blood drawn. “Do you need help getting to your car? I actually just got off.” You murmured shyly, glancing at the clock on the wall. 

Despite Matt’s steadiness on his feet and his grip on Emily’s leash, the blue-eyed boy nodded all the same, a quietly flustered look crossing his face. You smiled yourself, maneuvering Matt out to his car with a firm, yet gentle hand on his lower back. Thankfully, the waiting room had quieted down quite a bit now that it was nearing the evening, so no one questioned or pulled you away from walking Matt out. It was a slow trek with your patient being a bit unsteady on his feet, but you didn’t mind. Matt’s presence made you happy in an odd sort of way; you hated that he wasn’t well and that this would continue to happen for him, but you couldn’t stop your mind from thinking about seeing him again. 

“I um…I hope this isn’t weird, but I would really like to see you again. Maybe another time? When you’re not in pain?” You coughed and chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of your neck. 

He smiled as he slid into the driver’s seat, rubbing his aching head that was seemingly getting better just by being around you. “I’d like that,” he offered. “I’d like that a lot, actually.”

Matt didn’t end up leaving his trip to the hospital with many answers beside the usual ‘It’s your chronic illness’, but what he did end up leaving with was your phone number scribbled onto a pink sticky note that he had been given in the parking lot. 

tags ♡: @jake-and-johnnies-slut @chrissfavwh3re @suyqa @chrissturnswife @mbsbaby @herxysc-blog @lovingchrissposts @caffeinatedscorpio @spencereidenthusiast @crazychrisl0v3r @sturnioloxlver @whicked-hazlatwhore @blahbel668 @sturncakez @junnniiieee07 @biggesthat3r @sturniolowhore @patscorner @julesgrl @0strawberrysorbet0 @strombolilovr @matt444nixi @remussbitch @devthepoet1221 @mattyblover07 @loisnotaa @mollyquinnxoxo @graysturns @pepsicolapussy333 @ginswife @emmagirouard @athaliahxoxo @bitchydragonparadise @ilydeaky @soggyslugg169 @m00n-0n-paws @books0fever @stingerayyy2 @sunsetsturniolos @mimi-luvzyu @raysmayhem-72 @faygo-frog @oobleoob @billsslutt @aemrsy

note ♡: if you'd like to be added to my taglist, click here <3

[fairyrcts]

thinkin bout you, c.s.

by fairyrcts contents - angst, cursing, intended lowercase, use of y/n, 3rd person, mentions of depression

it was 2 am in new york and y/n was just getting home. her day was exhausting to say the least. the struggle of being a full time college student with a job and rent to pay in new york is something that was unimaginable.

she fiddled with her keys, eventually finding her apartment key. she unlocked her door to her roomate, aleah, sat on the couch watching some cheesy rom-com on her laptop. y/n dropped her bag and kicked off her shoes at the door.

y/n stopped in her tracks. "christopher sturniolo?" her voice was slightly shooken.

"hey hey." aleah waved.

"hey, girl. watcha watchin?" y/n's voice rang as she walked to the open kitchen, grabbing a cup and poaring ice water.

"27 dresses. literally never seen this dumb shit before but evangeline wants me to see it."

aleah was the definition of a stud. she was gorgeous, too. dark complexion, curly hair that hung in front of her face and piercings on her plump lips and nose.

evangeline was her girlfriend, who y/n's only met a few times. usually in the mornings after getting very little sleep from their noises filling the small apartment.

"man, that movie's so mid. did we get any mail?" y/n chuckled as she walked back in the living room, sitting in the opposing sofa.

"any mail?"

"uh, one from some credit card company and someone left a note in the crack of the door. said to y/n from chris sturnolo." she spoke, her eyes not leaving the computer.

christopher was her childhood bestfriend. they were in almost every class together since kindergarten. they were inseparable. they did sports together, went to prom together, went to get their drivers license together (guess who didn't pass). they were family, at this point.

after college, she never heard from him again. happy birthdays and merry christmases every year or likes on every post, but not a single text, call, email, anything. she talked to nick and matt regularly, but not chris.

she'd ask how he was and they'd give short, vague, one-word answers. it was unfair, really. because there wasn't another soul on earth that knew her better than chris did, and all that time was wasted.

it's been 3 years without a word. and just now he's contacting her. her mind rambled as to what might have gone wrong, otherwise, there wasn't a reason to speak to her. now, especially. she'd been such a mess after leaving for cornell, and she debated not going to stay with chris. but he convinced her, saying he'll stay in touch and talk to her every day.

so much for that promise.

"uh, yeah, chris sturniolo, sturnolo, stromboli, all the same to me." her roomate shook her out of her thoughts.

"aleah, where's the damn letter?" y/n's voice sounded scared almost, not understanding what's going on.

"over on the bookshelf." aleah pointed to the letter wrapped with a little bow and a stamp in the corner of the boston streets.

her hands hurried and undid the bow, ripping the envelope open and unfolding the letter.

Dear Y/n

There seriously isn't an explanation for my distance. After you left for college I fell into such a state of depression and I don't know why but I was scared to contact you. I mean, you're out doing great big things, NYU and detective criminal type stuff. Meanwhile, I'm still here in Massachusetts, I just moved out of my parents house a year and a half ago and my career is making videos on the internet. I guess it was the jealousy that stopped me from speaking to you or some kind of fear. But all I know is that I miss you, dearly. And I guess this is kind of me asking do you think about me still? Because I haven't stopped thinkin about you.

(p.s. i know i couldve sent this over text but i didnt know if you blocked me or not)

just his handwriting caused tears to stream down y/n's face. the note itself, the words and his explanation made her sob.

she made her way to her room, shutting the door behind her. she reached for her phone in her back pocket and called chris's contact.

it rang three times before he answered. there was silence on his end, soft sobs on hers.

"chris, where the hell are you and why did you answer so late?" she said through sniffles and cries.

"i'm uh, in syracuse right now. we're here with nate for his birthday. i asked matt for your address and uhm, i was waiting for you to call." chris's voice sounded nervous almost.

"so you're.. able to come see me?" she asked to which chris affirmed.

"give me the name of your hotel. i'm coming over." she spoke. her tone wasn't demanding, but chris knew it was a demand.

chris told her the name and room number, y/n writing down each letter. after he had explained the whole thing she hung up without warning. she walked out of her room, her movements were fast as she wiped tears off her cheeks.

"woah, what's up?" aleah asked, concerned.

"i'll tell you when i'm back." y/n brushed her off, grabbing her keys, leaving and shutting the door quite harshly.

she jogged down the stairs, her hand grazing the railings and the other jingling the keys with each step.

she pushed the door that so clearly said pull. the frustration just added to her unexplainable feelings.

"why the fuck won't this shit open!?" she shouted. the small, teenage boy at the front desk squeaked out a few words.

"it's uhm. it's pull. y-you're pushing it." y/n looked down at the sign.

"shut the fuck up, curtis!" she yelled once more, yanking the door and storming out of it.

"dumb ass name." y/n mumbled to herself. she walked hurriedly to her car, clicking the unlock button on her keeys and jumping in the drivers seat.

she turned it on, putting the ignition in reverse. she internally conflicted wether or not to put on music. of course, there was no need for it. buttt to make the whole event more dramatic, she turned on her playlist, thinkin bout you by frank ocean coming in through the speakers.

the music made tears swell up in her eyes. the whole situation was just fucked.

her car sped, running through red lights here and there, honking at any car that was slow or in front of her.

when she arrived at the hotel, she shut off her music and her car, locking it as she slammed the door of it behind her. she pulled the door to the entrance to the entrence of the large hotel, the door refusing to open.

"it's a push door!" the lady at the front desk yelled loud enough to be heard.

"oh, fuck me." y/n groaned, finally opening the door. she stormed inro the elevator, the front desk lady attempting to stop her by shouting 'miss'.

as if that was gonna stop her. y/n pressed the 4 button aggressively, multiple times.

"hurry the fuck up!" she was so out of it, she was yelling at an inanimate button.

when the door started opening, she squeezed herself through the space, looking at the numbers on each door until she found the 103 in a big font.

she knocked hard and loud continuously until the door opening interrupted her.

and now, she was faced with the man who made her, and broke her.

the two stared into one anothers eyes momentarily before y/n brought a hand up and smacked the side of his face.

a 'youch' came out of chris's mouth. he rubbed the side of his face that was now red while y/n began rambling.

"now, what the fuck is wrong with you! i mean, you know better! christopher, holy fuck, where do i even begin with you!?" her voice rang through the halls as she pushed herself into the room.

"i- i don't know." chris's tone was sorrowful, but that wasn't necessarily something she cared about right now.

"you are such a douchebag! i fucking can't believe you. ignoring my calls, texts, letters, everything! the only information i ever got about you was through 10 picture slideshows on instagram and your brothers, who werent much of a help! you can say whatever all you want, but chris, i was so mentally fucked up! i was so behind in my classes, that you know i put a humongous amount of effort into getting into, i was rude and emotional all the time and pushed away people i love and adore because i was so hung up on the thought that you stopped caring and you stopped loving me! you know how terrible of a feeling that is? to believe that the one person you love most in the world doesn't give two damn shits about what you're doing now? do you?!"

she yelled and yelled and yelled as her eyes didn't just shed tears, but boy, they poured.

"n-no, no i don't know how that feels." christopher mumbled as water welled up in his own eyes.

"yeah, and that's because you know i'm incapable of unloving you! you're aware of my love for you, because i reminded you every day. you know i wear my heart on my sleeve and you still pulled this dumb shit! i don't even know how you managed to do such thing! i was at such a terrible place, chris."

her words were less aggressive now as she cried tears of sadness rather than anger. she sat herself on one of the two hotel beds while chris sat beside her. he awkwardly pulled her into a hug, y/n leaning into it immediately.

her head laid in his lap as he rubbed her back, whispering small shushes every now and then while she kept bawling.

"y'know. i've been thinkin' bout you. i never stopped, really. i just- i don't even have an excuse. and you can keep yelling at me, and i'll keep listening, but i can't explain as to why i didn't. i just don't know, y/n." his voice was calm and gentle and his hands glided up and down her side.

once she finally stopped crying, she sat up and wiped her tears. "I'm sorry." chris stated, his eyes meaningful along with his voice.

that's all she wanted to hear.

he pulled her into an embrace once more, engulfing himself in the girl he missed so deeply.

"i was thinkin' bout you, too, y'know." she mumbled into his neck.

and that's all he wanted to hear.

[salamanderst]

Heaven <matt Sturniolo>

Warnings: smut, giving head (m receiving), use of y/n (I tried to use it as little as possible.) praising?, first time, pet names (baby), idk what else lemme know if I should add something else

A/n: my first post on This acc 🥳🥳 definitely not my first smut but I hope you guys like it!

“Hi baby!!” I say as I hear the front door of my apartment open.

No reply. That’s weird, he always is excited when he comes over, especially if it’s a surprise and not planned.

I see him walk over to me plopping on the couch with his arms crossed not even looking at me.

“Matt what’s wrong?”

“Chris, he keeps pissing me off. Like anything I do he mocks me and makes fun of me it’s so fucking annoying.”

“I’m sorry baby I know he’s a hard on you. You can stay here as long as you want!” I say giving him a kiss on his head.

“Mh.” He gives a slight smile, clearly not in the mood to talk, I leave him be and put on one of our favourite movies.

I snuggled up next to him wanting to feel his touch since he I haven’t seen him in awhile and won’t talk to me.

“Matt? Do you wanna talk about what happened?” I say looking up at him, I mean there’s no way he’s this mad at his brother.

“It’s nothing.”

“Matt, it’s not nothing tell me.”

“Fine, I was in the kitchen I was just making some toast for breakfast. Chris was on the couch and Nick was upstairs in his room. Then Chris just started saying how I need to lighten up more and I’m so boring and never fun to be around. I was like what the fuck. you know, I didn’t even do anything. So I said that and he said ‘well you know you’re just always grumpy I’m surprised you have a girlfriend.’ And then I went off on him and left.”

“Oh, I’m sorry baby that’s so fucking dumb of him to say, but I don’t think he meant any harm Matt. And you’re not boring you’re great to be around.”

“Yea.” He said with a smile giving me a kiss on the cheek.

______________________________

Matts pov

After she said that I swear I lost it, I don’t even know why, like she didn’t even do anything but my pants immediately grew tight.

“Hey pass the blanket it’s a little chilly in here.” I said with a small laugh.

“Are you joking it’s so hot today you’re gonna be way to hot with a blanket.”

Shit

“Yea I guess but I don’t know I’m like so cold.”

“Well uh it’s warmer in my bedroom if you wanna go in there and besides the only blanket I have in here is super small.” She said getting up and laughing.

I followed her to the bedroom, thank god my dick was only semi hard you could barely tell, at least I hope so.

______________________________

End of Matt’s pov

When he asked for the blanket I immediately saw, he’s not too sneaky. Asking for a blanket well it’s literally boiling in here? So as anyone would I took him to my bedroom.

Me and Matt have been together for 5 months I’ve never done anything with anyone other than kissing and holding hands. Me and Matt have gotten close to doing things but never actually did.

And today was a great day to feel ready, I mean he’s in a mad mood and got hard to me comforting him? I should at least help.

“Matt.. why’d you lie?”

“Uh lie about what?” He knew what I don’t know why he’s playing dumb.

He was sitting on the edge of the bed I kneeled down in between his legs.

“Matt you know what.” I said making sure to keep eye contact.

“I’m s-sorry you know I can’t control that..” he replied looking away.

“No it’s okay.” I said having a smile on my face. “Actually I had an idea.”

“Mmh and what’s that?” He remarked.

I didn’t reply I gave him a smile and started to unzip his jeans.

“Y/n you sure I don’t wanna pressure you.”

Again I didn’t respond I just gave a nod and a smile.

I put his pants down to his jeans and pulled down his boxers his dick immediately springing out.

Holy shit, I just stared.

“Somethings wrong?” He laughed.

“No, no it’s nothing.”

I kissed his tip leaking percum. I jerked him off before doing anything, I mean I didn’t really know what to do.

I slowly put my head down letting his length in my month, jerking off what I couldn’t fit. bopping my head up and down but not too fast.

“Mmh so good baby.” He whimpered putting his hand in my hair.

I started going a little faster but Matt started pushing my head down almost face fucking me.

“Oh f-fuck you feel so good.” He moaned bopping my head up and down faster, making me gag.

He gripped any hair using me as a fuck toy making tears form in my eyes. Was it to much? Yea, but for Matt I didn’t mind I knew he felt good.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum.” His dick twitched in my month making shivers go down my spine.

“You gonna take it mmh?” He said looking down at me.

I looked up and him nodding my head. He started bobbing my head up and down faster and faster.

“Oh S-shit I’m close.”

Tears pouring down my face at this point as he shot his load into my mouth, swallowing it.

He pushed my head to the base of his dick, him filling my mouth not letting me get up, whispering curse words.

He finally let go of his grip on my hair looking at me, his face having and extremely worried look.

I started laughing.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry baby was that to much are you okay??” He said rubbing my cheek and putting my hair behind my ear.

“Matt no, no it’s okay I loved it.” I gave him a smile wiping his cum still on my mouth.

“Are you sure you have tears??”

“Matt it’s okay really I’m fine.” I laugh again giving him a kiss on the forehead. “Let’s go get cleaned up and then watch a movie?”



Let me know what you guys think!! And tell me if you wanna be on the tag list 🥳🎀

[certifiedstarrr]

Open Arms - Matt Sturniolo

warnings: panic attack, kissing, use of y/n, degradation thoughts, use of pet names, & fluffy fluff

POC FRIENDLYYY !!

summary: y/n has a panic attack because she was petrified of falling behind and disappointing people around her. Not wanting to be to annoying or clingy to Matt, and trying not let people down. Matt assists and reassures that she’s not letting people down and she’s doing great.

a/n: sorry if this is bad, but leave reqs in my inbox anytime, ily💕 also i know after party pt.4 has been put off awhile but i’m making time to fix it😭🤞

wc: 1k

not proofread (a bitch dont got no time for that shit)

based off of this song ↓

“when no one’s around me, you lost and found me, i was surrounded, with open, open, open, Open Arms”

y/n’s pov

fucking stupid idiot. you should have done it but look where you are now. from before i had 2 things on my to-do list

・Flashback・

“well, i’ll do it later.”

i wrote it down on my to-do list. i pet my dogーkelani and hug her,

“it’s okay i will get to it.”

i wrote down “get this week’s groceries and kelani’s dog food”

just make sure to get to it y/n.

・Now・

i had well over 7 things on my to-do list. i should’ve just done it while I could. so fucking dumb y/n. why do you let this happen? first it was my college classes, food for my dorm, the triplet’s birthday, my car repairs, my sister’s wedding back in london , my mom wants me to visit her in new york, and I have to study for my literature exam. if I don’t get anything for the triplet’s birthday they’ll definitely be disappointed, if i don’t visit my momーshe’ll definitely be upset; and if I don’t go to my sister’s wedding in london, i’m going to be seen as disrespectful to my elders.

i felt something bad was gonna happen but i wasn’t sure.

I was leaning on my bed, going through the list over and overーscolding myself each time. a sharp pain drilled through my chestーa new type of painーsomething i’d never felt before. but this? this hurt like hell. and all at the same time my vision got blurred and breathing became impossible. i’d decided that i had to call matt. he’d surely know how to deal with this, right? as i continued sobbing repeatedly, with breathing impeccably difficult, and my vision completely shattered. my phone rung a couple times, then,

finally he answered.

“hey baby what’s up?”

“matt i- n-need help”

my voice was in a mid-whisper but he still heard it.

“please help m-“

my voice was cut by me dropping my phone.

all of a sudden, my palms sweat and feel prickly and my clothes are overly tight. i hug myself and get into a fetal position, feeling like everything is wrong and i’m going to let everyone down and be one big disappointment.

matt’s pov

we were filming friday’s car video when i got that call from y/n. her voice sounded like she was crying, but she said help me. what the fuck happened?

“hey guys something is wrong with y/n”

“what happened?” chris questioned.

“her voice was all shaky and it sounded like she was crying or shit”

no questions were asked. nick didn’t yell or go on a rant about leaving. just driving.

ೃ༄

 

when i got to her room she was laying on the floor in fetal position, weeping, sobbing. god i hate to see her like this. curls laid out around her shoulder and her beautiful face covered in tears.

"matty?"

"yes baby its me"

"i don't know what to do matt," y/n said in between sobs whilst grabbing her chest trying to breathe.

i held y/n against me and tell me what's wrong.

"what's wrong y/n?"

"m-my vision went blurry and breathing became impossible and my palms felt like they were being poked by a million needles, my clothes got too tight and and-"

"you're having a panic attack y/n"

she didn't hear me so she went on about what happened.

"im going to let everyone down mattーthey're never gonna forgive me,"

"i have too much on my to-do list and if i dont do it i'm letting everyone down"

"look baby we're gonna take it one step at a time, one thing at a time."

"o-okay"

"let's breathe in on 3, okay?"

"okay"

y/n’s pov

i took a nice breath in then repeated the same motion, breathing out. my vision got better, my clothes stopped feeling too tight, palms stopped being pricked.

"thank you matt"

"of course y/n"

ೃ༄

we crossed off things of my to-do list, one by one, and before i realized i only had 2 things left on to-do list; like before.

i've never had a panic attack before and that attack could have been worse. but before i could spiral and get lost inside the darkness, i found my light.

matt was my light.

he was there for me, and always there with Open Arms

ೃ༄

extra: first of all, im so so so so so sorry for starving you all to fucking death; this fic took me forever😭😭

but tysm for reading !!

xoxo, riri <3

taglist: 🏷 @lovingmattysposts @elliesturniolo1 @elliewrites1 @sturnsbitch @lovingmattysposts @luvmxtt @novasturniolo03 @tyjna6 @sturnlova @sturniolo-lover1317 @patscorner

(comment here be on the taglist !!)

[writingwithciara]

Broken Bond (part 3) ~Chris Sturniolo~

summary: the 'l' word has been put into play. what will come from it?

word count: 4k

pairing: chris sturniolo x reader

notes: with the way the last part ended, i couldn't leave y'all hanging on whether chris meant what he said or not. [mentions of sexual content but nothing explicit]

masterlist

y/n stared at chris for longer than she wanted, zoning out in the process.

"hey. you okay?"

"yeah. i'm just gonna head on back up to matt's room. he'll probably be wondering where i am."

"oh. okay." chris watched as she got dressed quickly. he knew matt wouldn't care if she stayed in his room for the night but she was acting weird so he sat up. "hey. i didn't mean it, okay?"

"no. it's fine. honestly. thank you." she smiled softly at him before retreating up the stairs.

chris stared at the door, hoping she'd come back. but she didn't.

y/n looked at the clock on the microwave as she passed through the kitchen.

3:28

had she really been in chris' room for an hour? it didn't seem like it.

she quietly made her way back into matt's room and slid under the covers, being careful not to wake him. her eyes felt heavy but her brain was going crazy and her heart was beating rapidly. there was no way she would be getting any sleep.

by the time the sun was up, y/n had come to the conclusion that chris only used the 'l' word because it was in the heat of the moment, not because he meant it. if he had actually loved her like he claimed, he wouldn't have abandoned their friendship 6 years ago.

deep in thought, y/n didn't notice matt waking up beside her.

"hey. what's got you up so early?"

"couldn't sleep." she sighed and began to pick at her nails, something matt hated. he placed his hand on hers and she looked over at him.

"is something wrong? you know you can talk to me about it, y/n."

"nothing's wrong." she avoided eye contact, knowing he could tell she was lying. he knew anyway.

"does this have anything to do with chris?"

y/n sighed and finally made eye contact with her best friend. "how do you somehow always know, matt?"

"you two have been acting really weird around each other since you told us you caught him in his room. i figured your weird mood now had something to do with that."

"is this why you're so quiet? do you just observe everything?" y/n smiled.

"duh. someone needs to know things & it's not going to be nick or chris."

"good point." y/n looked at the door. "can i tell you something?"

"you know you can." he turned so his full attention was on her.

"okay, well let me start from the beginning." y/n paused for a second before looking at her hands. "when i caught chris in his room, he was getting off to a picture of me. so i offered to help him if he ever needed it. and last night, after we got back from doing everything, i couldn't sleep so i went to his room to see if maybe he needed dome help. and one thing led to another and we had sex."

"wait, for real? like, full on penetration?"

"amongst other things, yeah. then he said he loved me and i came back here." y/n turned her head towards matt when she heard him chuckling. "it's not funny, matthew."

"it kind of is. think about it. you've had feelings for chris for a long time but he was ignoring you, right? then it turns out he's been standing on the sidelines waiting for you to forgive him. then, this whole thing happens where you catch him pleasuring himself."

"gross word."

"but then, he finally got what he's always wanted & he used a word he's never used with a girl before and you just got up and left without saying anything back?"

"well, i did say thank you."

"dude,that is definitely not what someone wants to hear after they confess their feelings to you."

"what if it wasn't genuine? what if it was just because of the moment?"

"y/n, don't be stupid. chris has genuinely liked you for a really long time. granted, he made a stupid choice but if you truly think about that, it was because he didn't know how to control himself around you."

"matt, can you please take this seriously?" y/n climbed out of the bed and began to pace his room. "i'm freaking out here."

"sweetheart, you need to relax." matt stood in front of her and stopped her pacing. "now there is a man downstairs who has never felt this way about a girl before. like ever. okay, maybe he said the 'l' word a little too fast but it really is new to him. you gotta give him the benefit of the doubt and let him know how you feel."

"i want to, matt. believe me i do. i truly love him and i have no idea how to back track on what i said. what if he doesn't think i love him because i said the worst thing i could after a beautiful, intimate moment? he's gonna think i'm an idiot."

"and he'll love you so much more for it, i guarantee it. trust me when i say that there is nothing you could say that would make him not love you." matt smiled. "besides, you guys have already had sex. it's not like you'll have to get over that hurdle in your relationship now."

"thanks, matt. that makes me feel so much better." y/n rolled her eyes, but smiled at matt.

"come on now. you got to go talk to chris." he gently pushed her out of the room. y/n went to the kitchen and checked the clock.

7:38

there was no way chris would be awake yet unless he was in the same situation as she was.

y/n sat on the couch and put netflix on the tv. seconds later, her phone buzzed beside her. she picked it up and rolled her eyes at the message she received.

matty b💙: babe that doesn't sound like you're talking to chris 🙄

she tossed her phone onto the cushion beside her and stood at the top of the stairs. there was a faint light coming from chris' bedroom. she wanted to go down to talk to him but her feet wouldn't move.

chris was down in his room thinking about what he said. how could he have used the 'l' word so soon? what was he thinking?

he knew he had pushed her away, even if only a little, but it still bothered him that after what they had gone through, she couldn't show him the same amount of affection. maybe it was time to get over her once and for all.

his phone was in his hand and he quickly scrolled through instagram. he looked for anyone, or anything, that would keep his mind off of y/n.

but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't bring himself to message any girls back. all he wanted to do was talk to y/n.

so he sent her a text.

y/n's phone vibrated in her hand and she looked down at the screen.

chris🙈: are you awake? chris🙈: if so, please come to my room chris🙈: we need to talk 🙃

y/n slowly made the descent down to chris' room. she stood outside the door for a few seconds before the door flew open.

"hey. i was just about to go find you." chris took a deep breath as y/n wordlessly walked into the room. he shut the door and leaned against it.

"what did you want to talk about, chris?"

"i wanted to let you know that what i said earlier, after we....you know....i didn't mean it. i know it scared you off and i apologize. it never should've come out of my mouth."

"it's okay chris."

"no, it's not. i have never ever said it before and when i say it & mean it for the first time, it's not going to be after sex."

"oh. okay. got it." she looked down at her feet. "is that all?"

"i guess. from my side at least." he looked at her. "anything you want to say?"

"not that i can think of." y/n felt her heart breaking as she processed his words. "thanks for letting me know."

"no problem." chris felt his heart breaking as he observed the way her shoulders slumped and her eyes focused on her feet. he wanted nothing more than to take it back, tell her he truly did love her, and never stop showering her with praise. but she deserved better than him. he knew it.

"so i can go back upstairs now?"

"yeah. yeah of course." he moved off the door and watched as she climbed the stairs slowly. "wait hold on."

"what?" she turned around as chris made his way up to her.

"things aren't going to be awkward now, are they?"

"not if we don't let them be awkward." y/n smiled sweetly.

"okay. cool." he chuckled and turned around. "tell matt i'll be up in a bit and we can all go get breakfast. my treat."

"okay." y/n nodded and continued back to the kitchen. matt was walking out of the bathroom and when he saw her, he gave her a look.

"did you guys talk?"

"yeah. he said he didn't mean it. but that's okay. i can move on."

"i don't believe that you can, but i'm not going to argue with you." matt smiled softly at her. "where's chris?"

"he told me to tell you he'd be up shortly and hat we could all go to breakfast. he's paying."

"okay cool." he looked at her. "so, which one of us is going to be the unlucky one who has to wake nick up?"

"you do it."

"i feel like if you do it, he won't get as mad because he could never stay mad at you."

"good point." y/n sighed. "but you're coming with me."

the two of them travelled up to nick's room. y/n slowly opened the door and saw he was still fast asleep. she walked over to his bed and moved the hair out of his face.

"nicolas, wake up. it's time for breakfast."

"5 more minutes." he groaned and swatted her hand away.

"we're going out to breakfast with or without you & chris is paying so i suggest-"

"chris is paying?" nick shot up and smiled. "give me a few minutes to get dressed."

"okay. see you down there."

y/n and matt waited for 10 minutes before the other brothers came upstairs. chris watched his brother talk to y/n and the smile she wore was so much brighter than the one she gave him 20 minutes ago.

the 4 of them climbed into the car. y/n took her spot in the passenger seat and chris got behind matt. nick raised an eyebrow and got in while looking between y/n & chris suspiciously.

at the restaurant, they ordered and ate their food quickly. all while discussing potential video ideas.

"the video we posted yesterday already has so many comments with fans saying their favorite parts were all the times chris would look at y/n with 'heart eyes' and they can't get over it." nick looked at y/n, then at chris beside him. "you guys have been acting weird all day. no. wait. back up. you've been acting weird for way longer than that, with chris' stupid reason for ditching you 6 years ago. i still don't understand, by the way." he looked back and forth between them before shaking his head and looking back at his plate. "if you guys are into each other, then i say you shouldn't let anything hold you back."

"we're not into each other, believe me." chris looked at his brother.

"oh. so i guess that it was matt and y/n making all that noise last night?"

"no. it was me and chris. it happened once. huge mistake that will never happen again. so can we just drop the subject, please?" y/n spoke, never taking her eyes off her own plate. she moved the food around the plate slowly, losing her appetite more with every passing second.

chris looked up at the sound of her voice and immediately felt bad for what he told her this morning. he had no idea it was going to hurt her this much.

"yeah. of course." matt placed a hand gently on top of hers and smiled. "are you done eating?"

"yeah." y/n set the fork down and pushed her plate to the middle of the table. the boys followed and chris paid for the meal like he promised. the car ride back was mostly silent, apart from nick trying and failing to start an argument.

when matt pulled into the garage, chris was the first one out and he was already in his room by the time everyone else made their way inside. as y/n passed his bedroom door, she sighed heavily. matt noticed this and placed his hand on her back comfortingly.

"hey, don't worry about chris right now. i'm gonna run you a bath so you can relax. how does that sound?"

"it sounds like a great idea. thanks matt." y/n smiled kindly at her friend. he told her to stop worrying about chris but that was nearly impossible when her heart felt this way. all she wanted to do was go to him & tell him she didn't mean what she said this morning & that she didn't think it was a mistake. but he didnt feel the same and she knew she would have to bury her feelings again.

after her bath, matt and nick had set up a movie for y/n in matt's room. at first we she was confused. until she remembered they were doing a podcast today. so she put the headset on and hit the play button.

upstairs, the boys were settling into another episode of their podcast. the topic today was 'relationships and things they're looking for in a potential partner'.

"well clearly, i want to be with someone who can match me in every way. their humor has to mesh well with mine and they have to get along with you guys, obviously." nick looked at his brothers. "if they don't, then i don't want them."

"that's a good way to put it, nick." matt smiled and took a second before he decided what he wanted. "any future girlfriend needs to have the following qualities. loyalty is a must. she has to be able to take a joke & she most definitely needs to get along with you guys over anything. that's my top priority."

"how about you chris?"

"huh?" chris was zoned out.

"what type of qualities are you looking for in a future girlfriend?" matt asked the question, making chris drag his hands down his face. they both knew the answer but matt didn't think chris was going to answer.

"like you guys, my top priority is that she gets along with you. she's gotta be kind, smart, funny. this isn't a must, like i could go either way, but if she's a little on the short side with brown hair, then that's a bonus. she's gotta know how to make me laugh and she's gotta know that i joke around a lot so she'll have to know how to take a joke. she's my top priority always so she's gonna have to be okay with being spoiled."

"remember that time when you-"

the boys trailed off topic, as usual and just went with it.

y/n's movie ended and she decided to snoop through the games matt had. after 5 minutes of searching, she settled on hogwarts legacy. while she was in the middle of creating a character, matt walked in.

"hey. we're done filming the podcast and chris wanted to know if you wanted to come with us to get some food."

"chris asked?"

"yeah. shocking, isn't it?"

"then i don't want to go. don't want things to be awkward."

"whatever you and chris are going through, it can't be easy. maybe you need to tell him that he hurt you when he told you it was a mistake. i'm almost positive he'll understand."

"i hate when you're right."

"oh, so you hate me all the time then?" matt chuckled, causing y/n to crack a smile.

"fuck off, matt." she looked back at the game. "i really want to play this game though, so can you bring something back for me, please?"

"okay. but only because i love you and you know i can't say no to you ever." he kissed her head and walked back to his brothers. "she's not coming."

"maybe i should stay back too." chris glanced at the bedroom door for a second.

"no. we're not doing that. come on." matt grabbed his brothers arm and pulled him out to the car.

for the next hour, y/n was alone. she finished creating her character but grew bored of the game rather quickly so she turned it off. she walked around the house, taking note of how clean it was thanks to matt.

deducing that there was nothing for her to do, she settled on watching tv in the living room. an hour later, the boys were returning home with more food than they could carry. nick had only a drink in his hand as matt and chris struggled to get everything up in one piece.

"a little help, please." matt nearly dropped the bag he was holding but y/n jumped over the couch just in time. she picked it up and caught chris staring at her.

"wow. good reflexes."

"yeah. thanks." y/n smiled awkwardly and set the bag on the kitchen table. matt shot chris a look and followed y/n to the kitchen. he handed y/n the food he got for her and began eating his own. chris sat across from her and ate silently while his brother and y/n talked. he hate not being the one who could do that, which meant he hate himself because of the way he had treated her.

after they ate, chris went to his room. y/n watched him disappear around the corner and turned back to matt. he raised his eyebrow at her.

"if you really like him, you need to go down there and tell him. tell him how he hurt you and tell him everything. you two need to get over whatever issues you're having. and more importantly, you need each other. more than you both care to admit. so please, just go talk to him. he's hurting to."

"matt, it's different when a guy says it didn't mean anything. because for girls, we get attached easily. im not ashamed to admit it. and yes, i love him and it definitely meant something to me. but im not going to force him to feel the same way, matt." y/n walked to matt's room and sighed. she knew he was right but she was also really stubborn. this time, it had to be him that made the first move.

matt didn't mean to upset her but he was right. however, he knew that neither of them would be the ones to make the first move so he had to do it for them.

to christopher🖕🏻: get your butt upstairs. it's important

to y/n💕: get your butt out here. it's important

he sat back and waited for them to show up in the living room. when y/n ran out of the room, he knew his plan was working.

"what's so important?"

"well i-"

"what's so important, matt?" chris came up from his room and locked eyes with y/n.

"you guys need to talk and neither of you are leaving until you sit down and have a conversation."

"can we talk privately?"

"only if it's in your room and you can promise me you'll talk."

"fine." chris shook his head and went back to his room. y/n sighed and followed. once they were both inside, matt stood at the top of the stairs and made sure they didn't leave.

once inside the room, y/n took a seat in chris' chair while he sat on the end of the bed.

"i didn't mean it." chris was he first to speak.

"yeah we covered that this morning."

"no. i meant that i didn't mean it when i told you ididn't mean it. what we did was most definitely not a mistake and im really sorry for making you think i was. i have a lot of regrets from the past but having sex with you is not one of them." he stood up and knelt so he was at her eye level. her gaze was fixed on the floor. he grabbed her chin and made her look into his eyes. "i meant what i said about the love. i absolutely, 100% do love you. there's never been a doubt in my mind that i do. i only said i didnt mean it because i thought it scared you off. i was doing what i thought you wanted."

"what on earth would make you think i didn't want to hear you say that?"

"well, for starters, after i said i loved you, you completely zoned out and then you said 'thank you' before rushing out of my room. i figured that the feelings weren't mutual."

"chris, they're very much mutual." y/n looked at him. "i'm sorry for making you think otherwise. i felt like an idiot when i left earlier because you looked so upset when i reacted the way that i did. god, chris. i love you. so freaking much. it kills me because you may be my soulmate & i'm scared of pushing you away."

"we can get through this together, y/n. believe me. you are the only person i've ever loved & you'll be the only person i love for the rest of my life." he held her hands tightly. "i just want to be with you. please say you'll be my girl."

"before i give you my answer, i need to know one thing."

"what?"

"on a scale of 1-10, how much did you enjoy the sex?"

"literally broke the scale. it was so mindblowingly perfect and crazy & everything i have ever wanted to experience. you are perfect and crazy and just so beautiful. did i mention you're perfect? because you really, really are."

"that was a great answer." y/n giggled and before she could say anything further, chris grabbed her face and kissed her.

"so, will you be my girlfriend? because i don't know how i'll continue living knowing you're not mine."

"of course i will, chris." it was y/n's turn to kiss chris. she pulled him in close. to the point where he now had both hands on the arms of his chair and he was leaning over her.

"can we go get comfortable on the bed? no sex. unless you want to."

"come on." y/n got up and pulled him to the bed. she laid down and he hovered over her while kissing her passionately.

they were so wrapped up in each other that they didn't notice matt standing in the doorway. only when he spoke up did they finally pull apart.

"i'm glad my plan worked." he smirked and leaned against the doorframe. "make sure to thank me at your wedding."

"get out of here!" y/n and chris both threw a pillow at matt. he caught both and laughed.

"clearly you're meant to be together. good night." he tossed the pillows back and ran up the stairs.

"wow. that was a bit of a mood killer."

"was it though?" y/n smirked and pulled chris back into her. their bodies quickly molding into one as the clothes flew off and the sheets got tangled.

taglist: @worldlxvlys @carolinalikesthings @fearfam69691 @junnniiieee07 @suyga @spicychrizzz @chrisloyalgf @hi-7-hi

[thetriplets3]

hey :) how about writing a fic with chris where they're both just super oblivious - like they're just friends in the start and then maybe matt and nick notice that chris acts a little different around the reader and matt tells her that he has a feeling chris likes her <3 idk if that makes sense at all heheh, thank you

❝𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮❞

matt, nick, and chris are the most constant thing in my life and they have been since we were 8. my relationship is different with each of them.

matt is the one i go to when i’m having a bad day, when i want to chill and not be around the madness that is his brothers, the one i go to for help and advice with mental health and feelings. he understands what it’s like and always makes sure you’re okay. matt notices the small things no one else does, he’s just thoughtful of everyone around him.

nick is the one i go to for life advice, when i need to get something off my chest and rant he’s there to listen and validate my feelings, the one i go to when there’s things i want to do that matt and chris don’t want to do. nick always brightens my darkest days and he knows how much he makes my days better he’ll do anything to cheer me up.

chris is the one i go to when i need a distraction from life. chris will goof off and pull out all his best jokes to get a laugh out of you. despite being the most energetic and chaotic of the boys, he can be a softie and calm when he needs to. being the youngest sibling he’s definitely the most clingy and loves physical touch, and will gravitate towards whoever he’s closest with and be stuck to their side. it always makes my heart flutter when i’m the person he feels most comfortable with to be soft and vulnerable. any feeling i had for the boy growing up pushed them away knowing he was my best friend and would only ever see me as such. despite this he’s my boy.

growing up with the boys i’ve basically had 3 body guards wherever i go. they always check in on me if we’re out, if i haven’t seen them in a few days. i’ve noticed chris is always the first to notice if anything is slightly wrong, always being the first to help me. he’s been that way since we were kids.

third person pov:

chris has never been great with saying his feelings and the thought of having to tell you he likes you, scares the shit out of him. apart of him has pushed that thought to the back of his mind, opting to just express his feelings without words.

for years the small gestures of affection from the pair went unnoticed. gravitating towards each other like a ground point, keeping an eye on each other, willing to drop everything for the other. he refused to be the first to break a hug wanting to hold her forever, or until she let go. he cheers for her when anything good happened to her, because she deserves everything good the world has to offer. he cheers for her at the top of his lungs. that’s his girl.

she was his girl and he was her boy, and neither of them knew.

it wasn’t until one night her and the boys were having a movie night and piled on the couch. she was curled up with her head on his chest being held by chris, with matt and nick on the other end of the couch.

matt looked over at his younger brother and the girl he considered a sister, rolling his eyes.

“hey y/n can you help me fill the popcorn and get more drinks?” the boy asked.

“of course once chris lets go of me” she said pointedly to the boy clinging to her like his life depends on it.

with a huff the boy the boy let go, holding her hand until she got too far away to reach. matt placed a popcorn bag from the cupboard into the microwave before lowly talking.

“i need to tell you this because i want you to be happy and for yours and my brothers sake i want you to make a decision that’s good for you” he looks at the girl for a sign of confirmation that she wants to know. “chris has had feelings for you for the last 12 years and he was too scared to say anything and it’s just painful watching you guys act all coupley when neither of you will tell the other how you feel and don’t say you don’t because i know damn well you do” he stared at her, waiting for a reaction as he takes the popcorn out.

“oh. really? so i was crazy to think he’d never see me as more than a friend. you wanna know something? it’s always been him. i didn’t want to lose him or you guys so i never said anything and just accepted that i’ll only have brief moments affection with the guy i dreamed of forever with” she sadly smiles, wishing this happened 12 years ago. “i’m not bringing this up with him, i can’t risk losing you guys. i’d rather be friends than nothing at all. it’s been 12 years, he’s 20 now and popular on the internet there’s so many people for him to pick from, not some crush when he was 8”

she was in denial. as much as she wanted to believe matt, she wouldn’t believe it until it came from the boy himself. brushing those thoughts off she carries the drinks back to the couch where she hands out the drinks.

it was a few days later when matt called chris into his room to “hang out” which was a guise for an interrogation. “you had a crush on y/n when we were little, didn’t you”

“how could i not, always have, always will. i’m scared of losing her. the thought of telling her i love her and knowing there’s a chance i could never see her again, i couldn’t do it. whether i keep it to myself or i tell her, she’ll always be the first one i choose. it’s always been her and it always will be”

“listen when i tell you this, the feeling goes both ways. i’m not saying anything more, just please talk to her you two deserve to be happy”

and with that the younger boy sat for a second weighing his options. nodding to himself, he gets a pat on the back followed by a “you can do this, kid”

°•. ✿ .•°

it was a chilly, raining afternoon. the two laid in each others arms enjoying the radiating heat under the heavy duvet. the office reruns playing quietly in the background, neither paying too much attention to it as thoughts filled their heads.

“hey uh can i tell you something?” chris asks.

“you can tell me anything, i’m all ears” she turns her head, trying her best to make eye contact without leaving his hold.

“i’m just gonna say because it’s been too long already, i have loved you since we were 8 and i was too scared of losing you so i never said anything but it’s always been you. i don’t have eyes for anyone but you”

“it’s always been you chris. i love you” she said as he leans his face down towards hers, crashing his lips on to hers.

“i know this is 12 years too late but will you be my girlfriend?”

“about time. of course i will”

she was his girl and he was her boy, and they both finally knew.

taglist: @antisocialties @iluvmatt @dwntwn-strnlo @fake-coolbeans @opheliaofficial07 @angelcake-222 @oneirophobic @strniolo @lollibumblebee @ssturniolo @20nugs @abbie13sworld

[dsireland86]

There is Beauty in the Pain

Chapter 6 (The Game Changer)

WARNINGS: sexual content

Summary: Noah and Sophie find each other in the most unprecedented circumstances. Whether it's the Universe, fate, destiny, or pure luck, they can't deny that their souls were simply meant to be

TAG LIST: @lma1986 @nyxthedestroyerofworlds @missduffsblog @bngurngheart @thatamazingvampirestory @myownthoughts12

**if you want to be added to the tag list, let me know :)**

**Snippet**

"Relax, baby. I've got you."

"Noah," she murmured, opening her eyes to look at me. "I've never been, I mean I've never had,"

"I know. That's what I'm going to fix."

Sophie took a deep breath, relaxing against the couch.

"Close your eyes. I want you to feel this before you see it," I whispered in her ear, feeling the goosebumps instantly spread over her skin. She lightly nodded as I sunk back down to begin my work.

Sophie:

I was all packed up, ready to leave this hell behind. Boxes were stacked all around me and as I watched the remaining pieces of furniture being hauled out the door by Jolly and Matt down to the moving truck, I knew, without a doubt, that I was ready for this new, fresh start.

With my body healed, my mind in a better place, and my heart full of adrenaline, the future, for once, looked promising. I hadn't heard from Perry since the day he sent those horrible texts and photos, and I had no idea if my requests to the police for an investigation ever went through, but it didn't matter anymore; it was over. In just a few months my life had drastically changed for the better and I was optimistic about what would come next, especially since I was moving out of the place that held too many bitter memories from the last few years. It was better this way.

"It looks like the boxes are all that's left," a voice came from behind. I smiled, knowing who it belonged to. 

"Looks like. Is there enough room?" I asked, turning around to face the body the voice belonged to.

Noah slid his arms around my waist and kissed me since we were the only ones in the apartment. 

"Plenty," pulling me in closer to him. I stared up at him, amazed at how this beautiful man had fallen into my life months ago. Ever since the day we broke down our barriers and made out in my kitchen, things have been a little abnormal between us, but in the most mind-blowing, exciting sort of way. We weren't officially together and we weren't a "thing" to those around us, but we definitely had something going on. 

Noah was wrapped up in one of the band's mech hoodies, black sweats, and perfectly white sneakers, smelling like heaven, and it aroused all my senses.

"You're staring, Sophie," he gushed, bringing his hand to my cheek and laying it gently on my skin. 

"Sorry, but you make it very hard not to." I leaned into his touch, savoring the feeling of his tattooed fingers wrapping around me. I kissed his palm, earning a smile from him, then pulled away, just in time as Folio walked through the door. 

"Which boxes go first?" He looked from me to Noah. 

"Those over there by my bedroom. They're kitchen boxes."

Folio nodded, removing his hands from his hips, and headed over to grab the first box. 

"I don't want to go, but I kind of have to, Jolly. The place needs me for a bit. We're on some downtime, so I'll go and then be back in a few days."

Nicholas walked through the door with Jolly hot on his heels.

"Like how long are a few days?"

Nick shrugged.

"I don't know like five?

Jolly rolled his eyes. "Five days!"

"Yeah, and that's not counting the travel days, so like a week then." 

"Fuck, Nick!"

"What's wrong?" Noah asked, turning his attention from me to his friends.

"Nothing. Jolly's just freaking out about me and Folio going back to Virginia. It's only for five days."

"A week!" Jolly yelled behind him, walking out the door with two more boxes.

"You're leaving?" I asked, suddenly concerned. 

"Yeah, I have some things I need to take care of at the tattoo shop I still work in Richmond. They're short-handed so I'm going to help out for a few days until the new girl starts next week."

"Oh, I didn't know you still worked there," I noted, throwing the last of the bath towels in a box and closing it up. 

"Only on downtime, which isn't a lot."

I nodded, watching Noah leave with more boxes. "And Folio?"

"He's going to do some stuff with his dad and wants to go fishing. He says there's better places up there than over here."

Nicholas took the box of bathroom items I'd just picked up, and I thanked him. 

"Nick and his fishing," I chuckled, shaking my head. 

"Yup, you know he's got a huge tattoo over his chest of an eagle and a trout?"

My eyes widened. "No, I didn't."

"Yeah you wanna see," Folio offered, lifting his shirt as he walked over to me and Nicholas. A huge picture of an eagle with its wings spread wide and a trout caught in its claws stretched across Nick's entire chest almost to his navel. It was beautiful.

"Dang, Nick! That is incredible. Did it hurt?"

"Fuck yeah, it hurt. Couldn't move for days. But it was worth it," he chimed, cheesing at me and shooting me a quick wink.

"You know he's got a crush on you, right?" Nicholas whispered, shifting the box he was still holding

I tried my best to hide the tight-lipped smile that was trying to show.

"I, uh, I had a strong inkling, but I don't like to assume things that aren't there," shoving my hands in my back pockets. 

"What's not there?" Noah asked, walking into the apartment and partially out of breath. 

"Oh it's there alright," Nick scoffed, finally taking the box he'd been holding down to the truck. 

Noah scowled at me, brown eyes searching me for an answer. 

Noticing how out of breath he was, I brushed the piece of hair away that had fallen over his eye, grinning. 

"What did you do, run all the way up the three flights of stairs?" I gazed at him, puzzled.

"Yeah, I just wanted to see if I could do it."

"And did you?"

"Yeah, just about killed me though." Noah chuckled, standing to his full height.  

I rolled my eyes, not understanding the things this guy did just to prove a point to himself.

"What was Nick talking about," he asked, and I caught the hint of suspicion in his voice.  

"Oh, uh just that, well he thinks Folio has a crush on me, but I think he's wrong."

"He's not," Noah stated, suddenly staring down at me with a strong yearning look in his eyes and moving in a little closer. I stared back, my head tilted almost fully back, unable to look away as he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine, kissing me so gently, and when he slipped his tongue inside my mouth, the insatiable feeling of his eagerness went straight to my sex, soaking my undies. I moaned in his mouth when he pulled me closer, pushing his growing bulge in between my legs, and squeezed my side so hard I was sure it was going to leave a bruise. When we parted, I was short of breath and completely turned on. 

"And he's not the only one. But, it better just stay a crush," Noah finally said, running his hand through his hair and giving me that irresistible smile of his, making my heart race. 

"And if it doesn't," I insisted, curious as to where this would lead. 

"Then I'll fight him, and I'll win."

Noah walked off with the last box without another word.

"Seriously!" I yelled. 

"Yes, seriously," came a reply.

Nicholas and I finished up the cleaning shortly after the last box was packed into the truck, and then Matt, Jolly, and Folio drove it to the storage unit I'd rented. The place was empty and quiet, and as I looked around one last time, I was overwhelmed by so many emotions that I dropped everything I was holding and threw my hands up to my face. 

"Hey, Sophie, it's alright. Come here." Nicholas put down the cleaning supplies he was holding and gently wrapped his arms around me. I buried my face in his shoulder, thankful that I wasn't here alone, doing all of this by myself. I was so grateful to Nick and everyone else, especially Noah, who helped make this new life of mine possible. Without them, I didn't want to think about where I'd be right now, and I guess that's why I was crying and so emotional. I was just happy and man did it feel good to be happy. Eventually, we parted and I dried my eyes, apologizing again for being such a girl. 

"Wouldn't it be weird if you didn't act like such a girl?" 

I laughed, shrugging my shoulders. "I don't know. I'm just an emotional person and I feel too much of everything."  

"I get it. We emo people are a different breed." 

I looked over at Nicholas and couldn't hold my laughter in anymore. It felt good to laugh with a friend, and Nick had become just that; my friend.

Noah:

"What happened?"

"Nothing happened." 

"You're lying; you're looking away."

"So. What's,"

"You look away when you lie."

"......."

"Why are so distant, Sophie? Did last night make you feel uncomfortable; it was only dinner and Anime."

"No, it didn't. Noah just stop, okay."

"Then fucking talk to me! Tell me what's going on inside that head of yours."

"I can't talk to you if I don't even know! Shit! Noah, it has nothing to do with you, okay? It doesn't. It's my head; it just isn't in a good place right now."

"What the fuck ever. Don't talk. Keep whatever shit is hurting you, whatever is pulling you away from me, buried inside.

"......"

"Do I scare you? Do you not trust me? Did I say something wrong that hurt you? Just give me an idea, please, before I go and fuck some shit up to get out of my own head. This whole thing is just, it's fucking with my mind. I,"

"Noah stop! Alright! Please, just stop. You didn't do or say anything wrong. I told you this isn't about you."

"Then what's it about?

"..........."

"It's Perry, isn't it?"

"......"

"I knew it. Did you talk to him?" 

"No, I didn't. He texted me; early this morning."

"What did he say?"

"......."

"Dammit Sophie, what the fuck did he say?" 

"...... He misses me."

"...... Do you believe him?"

"Should I?"

"No, you shouldn't."

"He haunts me, Noah. I can't escape him."

"I know what it feels like to be haunted by someone that's still alive, Sophie, but you need someone who loves your soul more than your body, and that's not Perry."

"Then who is it, Noah?"

"............"

"Don't, Noah, do not touch me, do not say sorry, don't say anything else. Just... just leave me be. I need to be alone."

"Sophie, wait,"

Her silence before slamming the bedroom door closed said everything I needed to hear. I fucked up, bad, and pushed her away from me. Her walls were back up and there was no way I was getting through them tonight. I went to bed on the couch, finding the release of my frustration with my hand wrapped around my length, picturing Sophie behind my closed eyes, bent over as I took her fast and hard from behind.

"There is no way I can afford any of these places, Noah! Even with my new promotion at my work, it'll be cutting it close." 

Sophie closed her laptop harder than she meant to and tossed it on the floor. We were up in my studio, working on two things at once; she was looking for a new place to live, while I was writing lyrics to a few beats Jolly and I had put together before he took off for a vineyard tour in Northern Cali. Nick and Folio had already flown out to Virginia, leaving me and Sophie and the house entirely to ourselves.

What started out great turned into a fucked up, emotional fight with her that I never thought would happen; and it was all my fault. I pushed her into answering questions she didn't have the answers to and it made her put up walls that she never should have had to.

The image I had of her that night, stripped naked and bent over one of the chairs in the living room, got me harder than I'd been in a long time. The whimpers that fell from her lips, the moans that echoed through the house, and her perfectly round bottom lifted high enough for me to slide right into her soaking wet sex and fuck up into her made me cum so hard it came spilling all over my lap before I even had a chance to grab my shirt. Thankfully none of it got on the couch. 

The hard-on I was getting just from thinking about it made the heat in my abdomen rage.

"What are you thinking about over there so quiet and lost in thought?"

I looked over at Sophie, her eyes locked on me like magnets. 

"Whatever it is, it must be good. Your cheeks are red," pointing out my embarrassment. My skin prickled seeing her smile at me. 

"You really want to know?" shamelessly undressing her with my eyes as I stood up and walked over to the gray couch where she was sitting. 

"I asked, didn't I?" 

"Yes, you did, but I'm afraid if I tell you, you'll run away; it's kind of dirty."

She narrowed her eyes at me as I squatted before her, folding my arms over her knees and laying my chin down on one of them, looking up at her, amused by the redness of her cheeks.

"You're joking, right?"

"Now who's blushing," smirking at the way she wiggled in her seat. 

"You're a jerk," she said, laughing, pushing me away with the shove of her hand. 

"A jerk who was thinking about your lips and how I like the way they taste," I confessed, gliding my hands up her thighs and feeling their muscles tighten.

"Oh you were, were you," Sophie teased, scooting forward until her face was a mere inch from mine, lifting her hand and running her thumb across my lips, making my dick twitch and swell inside my pants.

I shut my eyes as she closed in on my mouth, feeling her tongue slide slowly across my bottom lip before making its way into my mouth and her lips pressed against mine. 

My nerves were on fire as she massaged the tip of my tongue until I could taste her. I grabbed her hips, bringing us closer together with the sound of a familiar moan leaving her.   

"Fuck, girl, what are you trying to do to me," mumbling against her lips and feeling her smile.

"I'm just kissing you."

"If that's how you kiss, then I can't even imagine how you f..."

I was silenced by her lips attacking mine again, the heat of her mouth pouring into me, making me almost as hard as I was in the vision I had of us. My hands left her hips as I guided them slowly around her neck, wrapping my long, tattooed fingers around it and squeezing gently. 

The air around us was silent and still when we parted and Sophie sat back, fixing her long, auburn hair she had piled on the top of her head in a relaxing bun. 

"Where did you learn to kiss like that," I asked, getting up and sitting next to her. She shifted herself around, turning slightly towards me with one arm resting over the back of the couch. 

"What, you think I don't read?"

"I didn't say that," I snickered. 

"What about you?" Her face was a little flushed, bringing out the vivid red of her lips that showed signs of my lustful kisses.

I chuckled, smiling briefly, running my hand through the side of my hair. 

"Noah, are you nervous to tell me?" Sophie asked in a playful voice. 

Truth was, yeah, I was nervous; nervous as fuck at the fact that she and I had only known each other a few months and already I was completely wrecked by her.

"Let's just put it this way; I've had a lot of experience. Some really good and some really bad. That's all I'm saying." 

"Fair enough," she nodded with a grin, looking away.

"I've had a lot of times I'm not proud of; times when I was in a very dark place, drinking and getting high all the time. Girls were thrown in there too somewhere, but most of the details are a blur now."

"Yeah, I understand that. I've learned to block out a lot of the trauma from my years with Perry. You'd think I'd be in a fragile state given everything that's happened, including a hospital stay, but a lot of therapy has helped me recover. I've learned to let it go. It wasn't easy; hurt so fucking bad, but it was worth it."

Sophie smiled as she brushed the strays of her hair away from her face. I suddenly felt like a piece of shit over how angry and upset I got at her the other day. None of it was her fault. She was only doing what she needed to do to protect herself. 

 "I let you down the other day," I quickly admitted, rubbing my hands together as they sat in my lap. I wasn't used to being this honest with anyone other than my therapist, but something inside me urged me to be with Sophie, telling me I had nothing to be afraid of. 

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I hurt you," focusing on the empty air between us. Shit. This was fucking hard.

Sophie took a deep breath. As if she could sense the anxiety building up in me, she scooted over and sat beside me, reaching over and taking my hand in hers, holding it tightly.

"Noah, you have nothing to be sorry about. You didn't do anything wrong. I told you that already."

"Yeah, I did, Sophie. I pushed you when I shouldn't have. I didn't listen to you when you said to leave you alone, and I made you put up walls. I don't want you to feel like you need walls around me. I'm not him."

Sophie swallowed hard.

"I won't hurt you like he did."

Turning away from me, she lowered her head.

"I loved him, Noah; more than I trusted myself to say," she admitted, looking straight in front of her. "and in the very beginning, more than words could express. But in the end, I lost myself trying to hold on to him when he never cared about losing me."

She turned back to me, tears filling her eyes and spilling onto her cheeks. "That day in my apartment, the things you said to me, told me that I could trust you; that my heart could trust you. That's freaking insane!" she laughed, dragging her hands over her face to wipe it clean. 

"Why is that insane?" I asked, letting go of her hand and draping my arm over her shoulder instead, pulling her into me. 

"Noah, you're you; hotter than hell, Concrete Noah. I'm me; plain Jane, full of drama, and a lot of baggage. How are we even here together right now? Why have you and the guys done everything that you have for me? I don't understand it. I don't deserve any of it." 

Leaning forward, Sophie rested her elbows on her knees and played with her fingers. I was at a loss for words from everything she just told me, but I wasn't out of feeling a deep, hungry need to show her how wrong she was about everything.

"Hey," pulling her back by her shoulder, and as soon as she turned her face to me, I kissed her, drinking her in, but pouring out my carnal need for more of her, and when I met her tongue with mine, tasting her, her soft moan against my mouth made my dick hard again. Pulling back, we stared at one another for a moment, trying to figure out where we both wanted this to go. 

"I just want to help you let go of him, Sophie. I want you to know what it feels like to be touched by someone who worships your body and your soul." I couldn't take my eyes off of her. The brazen look in her hazel eyes gave me all the confidence I needed to make the next move.

"Then help me let go, Noah."

"Are you sure? You won't regret me?" I had to know before I went any further with her. 

"No," she answered with so much confidence that it made my heart skip a beat at knowing what she was about to let me do to her. I leaned in and kissed her forehead, lingering there for a few seconds.

I stood up and removed my shirt because we were going to need it later, letting it fall to the floor beside me. I smiled when I saw Sophie's eyes darken the way they did as they scanned my body and the tattoos covering it. 

"Like what you see," I joked, kneeling before her. My mouth was starting to water at the idea of what I was about to do.

"I've only seen them in pictures; they're beautiful."

"You know what else is beautiful," I asked, spreading her legs apart and crawling in between them, meeting her face with my lips. 

"You," I admitted in a hoarse whisper, kissing her cheek, her lips, and then trailing down to her neck where I slid my tongue over her supple, ivory skin. Her breathing became heavy her pulse quickened, and the perfect little moan that escaped her when I slid my fingers between her skin and the fabric of her leggings, had my dick throbbing and I knew before this was all over she wasn't going to be the only one cumming.

"Lift," I demanded, keeping direct eye contact with her while I pulled her leggings off, tossing them to the side. Sophie had beautiful thighs and I was longing to have my face between them, sucking her skin and leaving the purple marks behind that only she would see and be reminded of this moment. With only her panties on, I slid my hands up her thighs and laid them on her hips, grinning as she whimpered and bit her bottom lip, tugging her down a little bit to give me better access to her sweet sex that I knew was already wet for me. 

"Is this okay," I asked her, before going any further.

She nodded quickly. "More than okay," she whispered, closing her mouth and swallowing. The anticipated look in her eyes as she waited patiently for what I was about to do, did things to me that I'd never felt before. Whatever was happening between me and Sophie was so electric and was destroying every memory of the girls who broke my heart.

Hooking my fingers around the top of her panties, I pulled them down, exposing the top of her sex. But I wanted to see the rest; I wanted all of it. Sophie clenched her thighs tightly and I knew she was nervous. "You good?" I asked again, looking up to see her head laid back, eyes closed, but her body was stiff. I moved back up, placing a soft kiss on her lips, feeling her kiss me back.

"Relax, baby. I've got you."

"Noah," she murmured, opening her eyes to look at me. "I've never been, I mean I've never had," 

"I know. That's what I'm going to fix."

Sophie took a deep breath, relaxing against the couch.

"Close your eyes. I want you to feel this before you see it," I whispered in her ear, feeling the goosebumps instantly spread over her skin. She lightly nodded as I sunk back down to begin my work. 

Parting her legs slowly and feeling them tremble beneath the tips of my fingers, I kissed the inside of both her thighs, pulling the supple skin in my mouth and sucking gently, leaving the marks behind like I wanted. Sophie wiggled and whimpered, her short, little cries echoing in the room. Releasing her skin, I licked my lips the instant I set my sight on her pretty center that was so wet and bare. 

"You shave it," I said, impressed that she would do such a thing. 

"Are you complaining?"

"No, not at all; I love it actually." And I did. God did I love the fact that I had the most amazing view of all her pleasure points.

"I want you to picture me behind your eyes the second you feel this, princess," I said, finally inserting the first finger inside her. Her loud moan as she arched her back, went straight to my groin, and I didn't hold back the grunt that came from deep inside. I pushed in and out of her, watching her legs shake and her belly tighten at each thrust of my finger. 

"Noah," she cried, eyes still closed and bringing her hand over the top of mine. 

The sound of my name falling from her lips aroused every nerve, every muscle in my body. Her pleasure was infectious. It was the kind that made me want to do whatever I had to just to see it on her. I gripped her thigh, squeezing it hard.

"You like that?"

She nodded quickly.

"How about this?" and I inserted my middle finger.

Her hips bucked again, and she let out a gasping cry that made me move in and out of her a little faster, the sounds of her panting hitting my ears like music. She was so wet, and the fact that it was all for me did something to my ego that words couldn't describe. 

"What about this, huh? Do you like it when I do this, princess," pushing farther into her and twisting."

"Oh, Noah yes, fuck, that feels amazing," she moaned, pushing herself harder into my fingers.

What was happening wasn't about me; it was all about her and making her know what felt like to be handled like the beautiful being she was and not a piece of useless nothing. I suddenly wanted to take the next step that would hopefully remove that motherfucker from her mind for good. 

I licked my lips before diving in and lapping up every wet part of her, savoring the taste of her pussy and all of its treasure in my mouth, while still keeping my fingers buried deep inside her.

She was deathly intoxicating and for the first time in my life, I couldn't get enough. I licked her faster and sucked her harder while my fingers continued pumping in and out of her, earning small screams and cries from her lips that almost made me cum in my pants. I held back, forcing myself to control my arousal, vowing to make Sophie cum over my fingers or in my mouth first. 

I laid my hand on her belly, feeling its tightness, knowing she was close.

"Tell me, baby. Are you good?" taking a moment to make sure she was okay.

Sophie opened her eyes for the first time and looked down at me as my mouth licked her entrance, pushing my tongue deeper into her. 

"Ugghh, fuck, Noah," she cried, gripping the cushions and throwing her head back. I smiled, knowing I was pleasing her the way she needed to be pleased. 

"Keep moaning for me, princess. I wanna hear you; I wanna feel you." Remembering her saying she was never allowed to touch that asshole when he was using her, I was desperately craving her touch, so I reached for her hand, and when I found it, I placed it on the top of my head. She instantly pulled it back. 

"It's okay," I encouraged, stopping for a moment to look up. Her eyes were full of concern like she was waiting for me to correct her or be angry with her. I realized then, just how damaged Sophie really was and it crushed my heart. 

"If I could, I would kiss away all your scars," moving up toward her face, with my fingers still inside her moving in and out. Slowly she lifted her hand, placing it gently on my cheek and brushing the hair away from my eye, as her eyes welled with tears. "Why do I believe you?" 

"Because," I said, shifting to where I was partially on her and the couch, "he never made you feel like this. He never wanted to see you pleasured and even just finger fucked like the way you are right now. Fuck, Sophie, I'm so glad that night happened. If it hadn't we wouldn't be doing this. I'm glad we're doing this." 

Nudging her legs to open back up, Sophie gave me complete access to her sex, proving that she trusted me. "Me too."

"Did he ever make you cum?" slowly working my fingers in her once again, pushing further in and feeling her tighten around me. 

"Not often. Most of the time I was forced to fake them just to get him to stop," she said, tears running down her face.

"Well, I'm going to fix that."

She whimpered when I barely pulled my fingers out only to slam them back in, curling around her and feeling that one spot that I knew was it. 

She moaned so loud and dug her nails into the skin of my hand, causing me to seeth and almost cum. Gritting my teeth, I began moving faster and harder inside her, working her until the tightness against my fingers was undeniable. 

"Don't stop, Noah, god please don't stop."

"That's it princess, cum for me," I growled. Encouraging her the more she panted and whined, I used my fingers to thrust up into her, until finally, she exploded around me, her orgasm hitting her so hard that when she cried out, I came in my jeans, not caring about the warm liquid seeping through my pants. 

We were both out of breath, hearts racing out of control, and minds completely ravaged, and as our bodies began to calm down, Sophie lifted my face to meet hers. 

"Kiss me," she said, her body still trembling from the excitement.

I snatched her lips in mine as I gripped her face with my hands, and pulled her in closer because she just wasn't close enough and I needed her as close as I could get her. 

"Hey, Noah, I found the box that has all the lighting equipment," Matt yelled, throwing the door open and dropping a box on the floor.

"What the fuck, Matt!" I hollered, throwing myself over Sophie's legs to hide her from Matt's eyes. 

"Oh, shit man, I'm so fucking sorry! I'm just gonna go and," he bent over to pick up the box, but I stopped him.

"Just leave the fucking box, Matt. Get out," I yelled, and he opened the door, slamming it closed behind him. 

"I wonder how much of that he heard," Sophie said, out of the blue.

Thinking she was going to be mortified, I looked at her with disbelief, seeing her trying to hide a smile.

The two of us busted out in laughter, embarrassed together.  

I wasn't sure what was going to happen once the two of us left this room, or where this moment would leave us, but I didn't regret it. My biggest fear though was that Sophie would, just like the others did in the past, and by tomorrow, I would be feeling emotionally fucked. Either way, I knew I was never going to look at the gray couch in my studio the same, ever again.

[nervoussagittarius]

i know it’s crazy but he’s the one i want

matt sturniolo x reader

summary: part two of strike out. after months of being apart y/n realizes she wants nothing more then to be with matt, and matt realizes how much he fucked up. part one

warnings: angst to smut. oral (fem receiving), p in v, no protection, matchmakers nick and chris

they slammed the door on

my whole world

the one thing i wanted

your world felt like it was turned completely upside down the minute you locked your front door on matt.

you wanted to run after him. you wanted to forgive him for everything, but something in you was telling you to hold back, to stay strong. you weren’t even sure if you knew the matt that stood with you 10 minutes ago. after a month of no contact there’s so much that could’ve changed. you definitely had changed. one one thing that stayed the same though was that you still couldn’t go more the an hour without thinking of matthew sturniolo.

matt blew up your phone that whole night. it took everything in you not to drive over to his house. you were a mess and he didn’t need to see you like that. you were supposed to be strong. you were the one who told him to leave after all.

a few more days past before you got a couple texts and a call from chris. you hesitantly answered. you hated to admit it but you missed him and nick. you missed matt too but you weren’t ready to admit that one out loud yet. “hello?” you answered. there was a beat of silence before you heard a sigh of relief from the other line. “hey y/n it’s chris. listen, i know you haven’t wanted to talk to us, and i understand, but nick and i need your help.” he sounded so stressed that you couldn’t help but worry about the pair. he didn’t give you time to respond before he continued his thought. “i know you don’t want to be with matt anymore, but he hasn’t left his room in almost a week. nick and i completely understand why you did what you did. matt told us what happened.. but he locked himself in and we don’t know what to do.” you teared up at the thought of matt being alone. yeah he enjoyed being by himself sometimes, but never to this extent. you couldn’t help but feel guilt for the way things went down. at the end of the day you were both in the wrong, and you desperately wanted to make things right.

“please just come talk to him. come see him. we tried to wait as long as we could to call you but it’s time. we have your back but he’s still our brother, and we don’t want to see him like this. nick and i really miss you. matt misses you” you didn’t confirm or deny if you would really show up. you wanted to talk to him. as much as he hurt you he didn’t deserve to feel how you have felt for months. you knew how shitty it was. “i miss you guys too.” and with that you ended the call. you didn’t need to specify who you were referring too. chris knew that you meant all three of them, and he hoped that you would come help his brother.

no i’m not coming to my senses

i know it’s crazy but he’s

the one i want

it took you almost two hours to work up the courage to go to the triplets house. you got in and out of your car 3 different times before you convinced yourself to finally turn it on and start driving. the directions were muscle memory at this point. having spent the last two years driving the same streets at least once a day, you weren’t a stranger to the street signs and the traffic. although it was almost 1 in the morning you had no worries about if the boys were awake or not. they always were at this time.

you felt weird pulling into their driveway. a spot that was once reserved for you now felt like a curse. it felt like you’d end up with three slashed tires if you parked there so you opted for parking in the street two houses down. this way if you chickened out before you made it to the door they’d never know.

you didn’t though. you couldn’t because the minute you stepped foot onto their doorstep nick threw open the door. no words were exchanged between the two of you. he instantly pulled you into a hug. you both needed it after the month and a half you just had. “i’m so glad you’re here” all you could do is hold him tighter in response. tears filled your eyes as chris made his way down the front steps to you both. he took his turn pulling you into a hug as well. when you broke apart he ran a soothing hand up and down your arm and let you walk to the living room.

the three of you sat on the couch together and you pulled your legs up into you. single tears streamed down your face every once and a while as you waited for someone to talk. “he doesn’t know you’re here,” nick started. “we didn’t want to tell him and freak him out.” “oh so he’s not allowed to be freaked out so i have to be. got it” you regretted it as soon as you got the sentence out. “sorry. fuck i’m sorry guys. i really just- i don’t know what i’m doing here.” you ran a hand through your hair nervously.

“it’s okay y/n/n we get it. we really just think you guys should talk.” chris said patting your knee. “yeah, we don’t want to pressure you but we think it will help both of you get some closure. so you sit here. we’re going to go out for a little bit, give you some space. if you decide you want to leave then please do so, but we won’t be upset if you’re here when we get back.” they gave you soft smiles as they made their way out of the house leaving you with your thoughts.

once you got the tears to stop, you knew that if you didn’t get off the couch now you would never make it to matt’s room. you were hesitant to knock. you didn’t hear anything in the otherside of the door. you were almost hoping he was asleep so you could go home and forget this ever happened.

as you began to raise your hand the door slowly opened. matt’s head was hung low looking at his phone. your lips parted slightly in shock. he quickly looked up when he noticed someone was standing there. “i- sorr- i um- i have to go.” you barely got out. as you tried turning so you could walk in the other room. “y/n?” matt was in shock and confused. you were the last person he expected to see. he just wanted to run over and hug you, but he kept his restraint. you rushed over to the couch looking for your keys. “i’m sorry i shouldn’t have come. chris and nick called me and i was worried about you but i really shouldn’t be here.” when you got nervous you just talked fast. your mouth couldn’t keep up with all the thoughts running through your head.

matt hadn’t moved from his doorway. he was frozen watching you pace the living room. when he finally came to his senses he spoke up to stop you. “wait please stop. please. i want to talk to you.” matt rushed over to you and grabbed your hand trying to get you to look at him. he fully expected you to pull away, but his confidence slightly boosted when you didn’t.

“please.” he repeated. “please come sit with me.” his words were soft and nervous. you nodded looking up at him. he walked you over to his room hand in hand. matt gestured for you to sit in his bed as he sat across from you. you decided to talk first. you just wanted to know he was okay. “um. your brothers asked me to come talk to you. they said you hadn’t left your room, and i know i shouldn’t be, because of the way we ended things, but i was really worried about you, matt. i don’t want you to be upset. i know i was really mean and i’m so sorry-” “no. please do not apologize.” he reached over to hold your hands. “i deserved everything you said to me. you were right. please look at me, sweetheart. i have been a mess because i feel so shitty about the way i treated you. and i couldn’t look at chris and nick because they lost you too. i feel so fucking bad.”

“i know you do, baby. i want to forgive you i really do, but i can’t go back to the way things were.” both of you had tears running down your faces. you just wanted to hold each other and forget everything. “i promise i can be better. i promise that i can do better. you deserve better then i’ve ever treated you and i will work my ass off everyday to prove that to you.” you moved closer to matt as you held his face and used the pads of your thumbs to wipe his tears. you leaned your forehead against his as you sat there debating what to say. “i know you will, matt. i believe you.” “do you really?” he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. he wanted nothing more then to kiss you but he couldn’t push your boundaries. “i do, baby. i’m so in love with you. i don’t know how i’ve spent this long without you.” you said slightly leaning in to matt.

both of you flicked your eyes between your lips and back to each others eyes. “i love you too.” matt said. “can i please kiss you?” he asked nervously. you guys had kissed millions of times before but something was different this time. you guys felt closer. “please, matt. you can do anything to me.” and with that your lips instantly connected. you two melted into eachother as the kiss deepened. he quickly swiped his tongue against your bottom lip asking for entrance which you accepted. “let me show you how sorry i am?” “please.”

he was chaos, he was revelry

bedroom eyes look like a remedy

matt gently pushed your back down onto his mattress. he took his lips off of yours as he pecked his way down your neck. your hands traveled down his chest as you pulled on the edge of his shirt. he took notice to this and hastily removed the piec rod fabric. he sent you pleading eyes as you nodded at him to take yours off as well. he took your bra off with it and trailed his hand down your arm to intertwine your fingers. your unoccupied hand went to matt’s hair as he placced soft kissed to your boobs. he’s movements become desperate as he attached his lips to my nipple as he gently sucked.

soft pants came out of your mouth as you pushed matt’s head lower towards where you were craving him most. he tilted his head up at you with a smug grin. “yeah baby, is that what you want?” he smirked at you as he shimmied your legs out of your pants and threw them to the corner of his room. he traveled down lower as he started to spread your legs letting him lay between them. he breath met your clit and he turned his head to bite the inside of your thigh.

“tell me what you need, sweetheart” “you, matt. i need you to touch me.” you rushed out. you needed to be close to him. you just wanted to feel him. matt pulled your underwear to the side and ran a finger through your slit. his cold hands tips sent goose bumps through your body. you swallowed thickly as he sent one quick lick to your core. he looked at you for a reaction only to get a nod of encouragement from you.

matt hummed while he wrapped one hand around your thigh spreading you farther apart for him. he slowly leaned into you dipping is tongue deeper into your wet folds. matt could feel the blood rushing to his cock due to your small pants and moans. the tight grip on his hair only encouraged him to keep going. you let out a small scream as he slowly began to enter his fingers into you. “fuck matt just like that.” you said as his middle and ring fingers curled up hitting that spongy spot. matt hummed into your cunt as he violently licked your clit.

neither of you had touched yourselves or anyone else in over a month. the pent up frustration made things go a lot faster then either of you expected. matt began rutting his hips softly into his mattress trying to relieve the tension he was feeling. you clenched around his fingers signally your close orgasm. matt’s head came up as his fingers still thrusted into you. “that feel good, baby. you gonna cum for me. come on, sweetheart. cum for me.” matt didn’t let up as your moans got louder if anything it made him to go in with more force. your orgasm came fast and hard. matt continued sucking as you came down from your high. you panted as matt slowly pulled his fingers out of you.

you started to sit up you you could return the favor only to be pushed back down as matt met you in a kiss. “no baby. tonight’s about you. i just want to make you feel good. i want to show you how sorry i am.” you looked at him with puppy dog eyes. “you do make me feel good matt. just let me return the favor.” you were quickly cut off by the sound of matt’s pants being pulled down. he shock his head at you to deny your request and your hand found the waistband of his boxers as you began to pull his cock out.

he was hard and somehow looked bigger then you remembered. matt’s head fell forward when you started stroking him. his arm that he was using to hold himself up almost giving out at the sensation. you ran his cock through your folds wetting him from you arousal and his precum. he took control as he slid into you, giving you a second to adjust, and then bottoming out at the sign of your approval.

you both let out signs as matt started thrusting into you. he ran his hand up and down your side and placed long kisses on your neck. certain to leave at least one hickey. matt was fully immersed in you. “matt please don’t stop. faster..fuck.” matt had every intention on taking his time with you tonight, to really show you how he feels, but he couldn’t turn down the opportunity. “fuck baby.” matt said speeding up. “faster? you want me to fuck you faster hm? tell me how good i’m making you feel baby.” matt kept up his pace as your hands found his back. your nails scratched down his skin leaving red marks in their trail. you threw your head back in pleasure when matt began rubbing your clit in figure eight motions. your noises only got louder but you were so fucked out that matt laughed when you couldn’t form a sentence. “you got it baby. you’re doing to good for me.” matt’s hips slammed into you surely leaving bruises. “tell me how good i’m making you feel. use your words.”

with one hand on your clit and the other brushing hair off of your forehead, matt soon approached his first orgasm of the night. you gasped and tried to catch your breath to say coherent words. “shit- i- god you’re doing so good, mmh. you feel so good. don’t stop. gonna cum.” you quickly reached your second orgasm. “yeah, you gonna cum,” matt taunted as his motions became sloppy. “good girl, cum with me, y/n.”

both of your orgasms built rapidly and didn’t disappoint. your head flew back in pleasure as matt lowly groaned and let out a small whimper. he rode out both of your orgasms and you reached out to out your head in this chest as you became overstimulated. matt slowly pulled out and fell down beside you as he leaned for his shirt to clean you up. “i love you.” you said as you rolled over to place your head in his chest. “i love you most.” he replied giving a kiss to the top of your head.

thinking it can change the

beat of my heart when he touches me

and counteract the chemistry

and undo the destiny

matt and you layed in a comfortable silence as you held each other. no one could ruin this moment for you two. you saw the comments over the months that you had ruined matt or that you’re a whore and you didn’t deserve him. no one knew the real truth. matt and you were made for each other. you didn’t believe in soulmates until matt came around.

you were still in matt’s bed when nick and chris got home that night. sound asleep you two basked in the presence of eachother. matt’s two brothers saw his bedroom door slightly ajar, they made their way over to see what was going on.

with no comment they smiled at each other noticing your states. they were happy to have their favorite couple back.

you ain’t gotta pray for me

me and my wild boy

and all this wild joy

[the-feels-assassin]

A Pern/Avengers Crossover (That No One Asked for)

So I was reading a recent popular book involving dragons and dragonriders, and thinking how much I like the Dragonriders of Pern better (lol), and of course my brain did it's thing. So here you have it. My definitive opinion on what sorts of people the Avengers would be in the world of Pern.

We're gonna start with Steve/Peggy/Bucky because I HAVE THOUGHTS:

Of course this is during a Pass, because Steve/Peggy/Bucky have to be during a time of War and a Pass is the closet we have to War in the Dragonrider sof Pern.

Steve Rogers: oh, Steve. Poor, tiny, sickly Steve. He and Bucky are fosters at a Weyr, but no one expects/wants Steve to bond a dragon because no one is confident this sickly kid is going to live through the night at any given time. So either they keep him off the sands during a hatching or he's up in the bleachers. But Steve, being Steve, we get a Jaxom or Keevan scenario. No one means Steve to Impress a dragon, but of course you can't communicate that to freshly hatched dragons. And so of course between the sheer determination of Steve pulling himself out of the infirmary (ala Keevan in The Smallest Dragon Boy) and the stubbornness of the dragon refusing everyone on the sands (ala Ruth looking for Jaxom), we get tiny Steve Rogers bonded to what will be the biggest, most powerful Bronze Dragon the Weyr has ever seen. Steve becomes a Wingleader and everyone expect he'll be Weyrleader one day when Peggy becomes head Weyrwoman. Which leads us to Peggy Carter

Peggy Carter: Peggy is a rider of a gold dragon, of course she is. She was fostered in a different Weyr from Steve and Bucky (hence the different accent), but due to injuries and deaths during the passes, she gets redistributed to another Weyr that is lean on Golds and their leading Gold and Weyrwoman are aging. Peggy will be the next Weyrwoman. She is Peggy Carter in every way, fierce and determined, and like Lessa she fights the leadership of her time to enable Gold dragons to fight. Because Peggy Carter is all about sticking it to the patriarchy.

Bucky Barnes: Bucky Barnes is solid and reliable and dependable. He Impressed one of those Brown dragons that's as big as a Bronze (ala F'nor and Canth). He is Steve's Wing-Second. And then something happens while they are fighting Thread. Bucky is hit. Thread takes his left arm and sears most of his dragon on the left side. His dragon jumps Between and never comes back. Everyone assumes Bucky went with him, dead.

Everyone, of course, assumes wrong.

So what happens to Steve?

Steve just fought Thread, the battle is over and he's beat, and he's just doing a sweep to make sure nothing got through. It's time to go home; he goes to jump Between. He accidentally jumps time. He envisioned something off--something in the stars, maybe it was a night jump?--and suddenly he's in the future. He has no idea how to get back. Steve Rogers is a bit of a legend. His arrival sends both the Weyr into chaos, but also no one really believes it's him. They need the Harpers to verify, since the Harpers hold the history of Pern.

Which of course...brings us to SHIELD.

Because we all know the Harpers are the Spies of Pern, and the Masterharper of Pern is the most powerful man on Pern (search your feelings, you know it to be true) so of course I'm saying that:

Nick Fury: Nick Fury is the mother-loving Masterharper of Pern. Look, I don't care if he doesn't sing or play an instrument that we know of in the Marvel movies. In the Pern novels, Robinton has his fingers in EVERYTHING. He is the puppet master. Nick Fury is the Masterharper of Pern. I will brook no argument on this. Which of course means all of our SHIELD agents are harpers. Yes. It's wonderful.

Clint Barton: I mean how could Clint Barton NOT be a harper? He grew up Holdless. He picked up his acrobatic, juggling, and archery skills as a Holdless kid. But a Harper (probably Fury) saw his talent and potential and recruited him to be a Harper. Sure the kid is partially deaf, but he's a natural with an instrument and a born-entertainer. He's also so darn personable. Everyone immediately likes him and trusts him and tells him things. So of course, of course he's a perfect Harper, a perfect person to collect information and brook trust with the Holdless, Holds, and Weyrs alike.

Natasha Romanoff: There isn't really an equivalent of the Soviet Union in Pern. Natasha grows up in the Southern Continent, maybe the child of an Oldtimer exiled there. I think like Menolly, Natasha naturally Impressed a whole little flight of fire lizards, because she is like that. While Natasha is raised in an environment where all those in the Northern Continent are the enemy, eventually she meets Clint Barton and is recruited to Harper Hall and to the cause of ridding Pern of thread forever (the Ultimate Goal).

Phil Coulson: Look he makes Harper Hall run. He mostly stays in Harper Hall while Fury is out doing God knows what, and it's Coulson who is keeping tabs and getting reports from Barton and Romanoff.

Okay but what about Tony and Bruce? They are the last two Main Avengers left.

Tony Stark: Obviously the youngest Master ever at Smithcraft Hall. Could be on track to be the next Mastersmith BUT you know Tony. He likes to work on what he wants to work on. He's a genius and we love him, but staying within an authority matrix or running one isn't his strong suit. Eventually he becomes the head of Computer craft, when he meets....

JARVIS: Obviously the AIVAS analog. Tony is just bitter he didn't invent JARVIS himself. In this AU, I think it's Natasha who discovers AIVAS, while messing around on the Southern continent, doing her undercover recon thing. She sends her queen firelizard (the only one with two brain cells, obviously) to report back to Fury, who immediately gets Tony down there via Dragon. And of course that Dragonrider is none other than Tony's best friend.

James Rhodes: Rhodey was raised in Smithcraft Hall, went to be fostered at a Weyr for a short period of time, mainly to learn more about the Weyr's needs and how Smithcraft Hall could better plug in and whoops, impressed a dragon. Tony is still mad his best friend "abandoned him" for a "giant lizard" (which really Tony is just incredibly jealous. Who doesn't want to be a dragonrider?).

Bruce Banner: Bruce is basically the opposite of Rhodey. He was a dragonrider and he lost his dragon fighting Thread. This has left Bruce teetering between suicidal depression and complete rage. He's found new purpose in Smithcraft Hall and has become friends with Tony, but there is just a pain in him that is indescribable and everyone who interacts with him can feel it. In this AU, General Ross is the Weyrleader of the Weyr that Bruce was in--Betty is still his daughter and a gold rider. But since Bruce's bronze dragon is dead, well, there is just really no future for him and Betty.

Okay that's it for now. I have no idea what happened to Bucky (how does he come back? What is a Winter Soldier equivalent in Pern??), and I have no intention of writing a story in this AU, but inexplicably this keeps coming to me.

[radicalfemimist]

gonna delete my other interactions with That Person because I don’t think it’s worth arguing with them. and honestly I feel bad for the nice or like. the normal bisexuals because SO. many. of these bisexuals are aggressively annoying about it. every lesbian I know has had a bad run-in with a bisexual.

Because this particular bisexual person also seemed to have a fundamental misunderstanding of how writing fucking works in a way that makes me SO mad.

Because like— you can headcanon that any character with straight hair really has curly hair and straightens it. You can. Word of god can even confirm that’s the case! But that STILL doesn’t matter if canon doesn’t portray them with curly hair. Because even something as seemingly insignificant as curly hair is going to have a domino effect on the character.

If they straighten it, why? Are they insecure? Have they been made fun of? Is it because it’s too much work? Why does Word of God say they have curly hair, but none of their childhood pictures have curly hair? Why isn’t there a hair straightener in their bathroom?

If there’s none of those things— then the character doesn’t have fucking curly hair, now do they? Even if later in the series their hair becomes curly, is there any evidence to support that the hair is naturally curly? Do they have a hair regimen they follow? Do they have curly hairbrushes? Sleep in a bonnet? No? Then they’re not written to have curly hair.

Only thing is, romance is a whole fucking lot more noticeable than with ever or not they give a curly character a bonnet. Romance can make or break a story. And it’s pretty fucking important for the characters to be attracted to each other.

There are SO, so many ways to showcase sexual attraction. Even in kids shows, you can! And it doesn’t have to be with their endgame romance, either! Luz Noceda, a bisexual character written by a bisexual woman, shows attraction to Shirtless Angsty Boy, Edric and Emira and Amity, blatantly. The last of which is her endgame relationship. (Because if a bisexual character is ending up in a relationship, it’s waaay better to have it be a same-sex relationship— considering Lumity is probably why Disney cancelled the show in the first place.)

And like, for shows actually about adults— New Girl. All the men in this are bisexual. Nick Miller is definitely bisexual. It’s not stated explicitly, but he’s explicitly attracted to women and seems to have feelings towards men he is actively in-denial of. Psych — Shawn Spencer’s actor has literally said he played him to be bisexual, and it shows. I’ll believe he’s attracted to women for Abigail alone. I’ll believe he’s attracted to men for everything else.

I’ll believe Sokka is bisexual. His romances with Suki and Yue are believeable enough. Like, I’m not saying nothing can be bisexual— I AM saying that it has to actually be bisexual to be bisexual, though.

Anyway. Zuzu isn’t canonically gay but it makes more sense if he is and for a more compelling story— the fire nation is canonically homophobic, so if he’s gay then that’s another thing for his father to consider wrong about him, since he can’t fall in love with a woman. And Mike? Well, if he were bisexual he’d be a filthy, filthy cheater and I’m personally against media portraying bisexuals as cheaters. As it is, he’s like aggressively gay-coded.

And I am soooo tired of seeing bisexual Jamie Kelly allegations. I know hardly anyone seems to talk about these books but.

she’s LYING to you! she doesn’t actually have a crush on Hudson! She’s literally supposed to be an unreliable narrator. She calls him the 8th cutest boy in her school and calls Angeline the prettiest girl in the world. She thinks it should be illegal for girls to be too pretty. She went through a year-long phase as a kid of drawing nothing but naked Barbies. She describes Angeline as causing “everyone” to feel a “mild, but pleasant burning sensation.”

Like YES, yes it DOES offend me for people to interpret these characters as bisexual— and you know why? Because comphet is a universal gay experience. Because people STILL cite the comphet things I said as a kid as proof of my “heterosexuality”. There’s so many gay people who have been in straight relationships before, or who have pretended to have straight crushes.

If a character’s only proof of heterosexual attraction is comphet, then they’re not experiencing heterosexual attraction. If the only proof is a forced, stale straight romance that the writers threw in there effortlessly, of which the character is not shown to be into? Then that’s not a character experiencing heterosexual attraction.

[sunnyrealist]

🌶️ Chapter 28: Stress Relief 🌶️

The Sun, the Moon, and All Our Stars

Summary and Details…

Chapter Background and Summary: Sebastian's partner on assignment for the Kelpies gang attempted to drown a child to entice his mother to give up a Time Turner (a new invention) hidden in their home. Sebastian took the Time Turner from her and was able to save the boy just in the nick of time. Sebastian was reprimanded by Mr. Rees Cuddy, the leader of the Kelpies, for doing so, but he was also rewarded for delivering the Time Turner. Sebastian is now going to be put in charge of safeguarding the Time Turner until the Kelpies have figured out how it works and how exactly they will use it. His mind is reeling with this information, along with processing the events that led to acquiring the magical item. This chapter takes place the following day after work when Kate and Sebastian get to see each other again.

Pairing: Aged-up, post-Azkaban Sebastian Sallow x Kate Mayflower (my OC)

Content warnings: In general, this story is rated 18+, so MNDI! This chapter features rough doggy-style sex, including very light choking.

The full chapter is available below the cut; it can also be found on AO3 (link is posted below). Any feedback is appreciated. A comment, like, or Kudos would make my day!

Chapter 28: Stress Relief

When Kate arrives home from work on Wednesday, she shuts the door, walks into her bedroom, picks up one of her pillows, and screams into it.

It had quite possibly been one of the worst days she had ever had in the Hogwarts library.

Pretty much everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong.

She flops onto her bed, clutches a pillow, assumes the fetal position, and begins to cry.

She is sniffling into a handkerchief when she hears a knock on the door and then the most welcome voice in the entire world.

“Kate?” Sebastian calls. “Are you home?”

“Yes,” she responds loudly. “I’m in the bedroom.”

He enters the room with a huge bouquet of sunflowers, a huge smile on his face, but it drops almost immediately when he sees her tear-stained face. 

“Merlin’s beard,” he gasps. “What’s wrong?”

He leaves the bouquet on her dresser, then sits next to her on the bed and takes her hands, his face filled with concern.

“Everything at work,” she replied somberly. “Terrible day.”

Sebastian rubs her hands soothingly. “I’m so sorry, my love. What happened? Do you want to tell me about it?”

“Agnes announced that she is definitely not retiring this year. I caught two Gryffindors literally having sex against a bookshelf. 14-year-olds. 14-year-olds!” She paused. “I’ve never dealt with more messes in my entire career at Hogwarts. It’s like a storm came upon the library and scattered books everywhere. The students aren’t cleaning up after themselves since they know the school year is over. Plus, I found at least twenty books incorrectly shelved in the wrong sections.” 

Sebastian is about to say something until she continues.

“Peeves was shouting in the library, causing a ruckus. I caught a Slytherin trying to sneak into the Restricted Section without permission - and then he acted like I am the most strict librarian in the world! I made a jam sandwich for lunch and spilled it all over my white shirt. That was an easy fix but still just another thing that went wrong. None of my student assistants helped with anything today - apparently they were too keen to gossip instead of work. They’re just done. And Matilda Weasley informed me we were getting an influx of cursed magical artifacts to store in the Restricted Section, which of course are dangerous as hell to work with. I told her I was too nervous to catalog them, and she seemed quite disappointed in me.” She sighs dramatically.

Sebastian begins to run his hand through her hair soothingly. “My poor, sweet sun. Well… I brought you sunflowers. I thought they might make you think of how close you are to your summer holiday. Now it’s clear you need them more than ever to cheer up. What else can I do for my darling?”

“Please help me relieve stress. I don’t want to cook. I don’t want to do anything or think about anything,” Kate begs. “I’m so glad you are here, Sebastian. I need you.”

He pulls her to him, holding her close. “I’m here. Let it out. I’ll take care of you tonight.”

Sebastian spends some time thinking about what he might do to help her calm down.

After a few minutes, he claps his hands together and says, “Alright. Here’s the plan. I am going to cook dinner for us both. We’re going to drink some good wine and enjoy some dessert. I’m going to draw a nice, warm bubble bath for you, and then we’ll read in bed until… Wait, am I staying over tonight? I forgot to ask, but I brought a bag along just in case.” He waves his hands around. “No pressure - I don’t want you to stress over it at all.”

“Gods, that sounds perfect, and yes, you’re staying over. I demand it,” she replies quite seriously.

“Of course - your wish is my command, princess.” He chuckles.

This wasn’t how Sebastian envisioned the evening going, but he’s happy to help her. Any time spent with her is better than the alternative.

“Seb… one more thing that might help,” she says hesitantly, putting her hand on his arm. “I need you to fuck me. Hard. Really hard. No holding back.”

Sebastian’s eyes grow wide, and he grins wickedly. “Oh, yeah? I can manage that.”

Kate screams as he pushes into her in one fell swoop, his hands gripping her hips tight as he takes her from behind. “Seb!!!”

His eyes practically roll back into his head at how tight and wet she is for him. “Oh, Merlin, Kate… feels… so good.”

Sebastian begins to stroke, not starting off slow. Soon, he’s practically leaving her body and thrusting completely in, taking her roughly. His fingernails dig into her skin as she cries out over and over again. The sounds of their bodies slapping together provide a rhythm to their moans.

After a while, he presses his chest to her back and reaches around her to squeeze her breasts tight. Continuing to rut into her, he pinches her nipples harshly, and she wails. 

“Don’t stop - don’t stop!” she begs. “Sebastian, don’t stop - please!”

“I won’t. You’re just going to have to take it,” he growls. “I need this, too.”

Sebastian’s hand slowly makes its way to her collarbone, his fingers spreading wide and closing around her neck. He squeezes - not too hard, just testing the waters, as she gasps in surprise. Deciding not to push his luck, he straightens back up, grabbing handfuls of her hair and pulling it back.

“Fuck!” he shouts out. “I’m close.”

Kate is so pleased she is actually drooling. “Mmmm…. Nnnnghhh……”

Sebastian slams into her harder, his tip kissing her cervix repeatedly. She begins to scream, and then he feels her inner walls closing around him. She’s coming. 

Finally letting go, he groans, pushing as deep inside her as possible. He knows he is going to release a huge load of cum into her. His movements become erratic, and then, he explodes.

“Kate… Kate…” he moans, staying deep inside her and moving his hips back and forth slowly until he is positive he has spilled all of his seed.

Sebastian collapses onto Kate’s back, kissing her hair and her shoulders repeatedly as he catches his breath.

“Was… was that how you wanted it, sweetheart?” he asked.

“Fuck… yes. Exactly what I needed, my moon.”

He rolls over, not wanting to crush her completely under his weight. He cups her cheek and kisses her lips deeply, then directs her to lay on his chest.

“Me, too, my sun. Me, too. Gods, I needed that. You’re not the only one who has had a bad time at work lately.”

That night, after relaxing, they both fall asleep soundly, wrapped in each other’s arms. Neither of them stirs at all until morning, when they inevitably realize how much of a challenge it is to get up together to an alarm and say goodbye quickly.

Fortunately for Sebastian, Kate never notices him chugging Wiggenweld potion that morning and walking with a slight limp from the horse bite. He wouldn’t have a clue of how to explain his bad day after hearing about hers. She’s not ready.

[mariamariquinha]

Bossa Nova (Benny ‘Borracho’ Magalon x f!reader) - Nine

Eight | Ten

Summary: The LASD couldn't sustain its reputation as an honest police officer if it tried hard. In that case, no one tried.

Word count: 9.695.

Warnings: Bad words, talks about corruption, talks about sexism and racism, mentions of oral sex, mention of drug crimes, violence and other things related, strip clubs, sex workers, use of weed and... did I say sexism?

Author’s Note: I think this got a lot more personal than I thought, so I'm sorry if anyone has family members within the LASD who aren't corrupt - this isn't about them. This chapter doesn't have much romance, I'll warn you right away, but it's an important progression in the main characters' relationship. Give it a try!

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

Join my taglist! Don’t forget to reblog, comment and like! As always, I would love to know what you’re all thinking! ❤

****

You didn't like your mother very much, but you definitely loved her. She was your mother, after all, and even though you knew you wouldn't be friends with her if you had that choice, you would love her like you love something because that's how it should be. You didn't think it was an obligation, and she didn't treat you badly, but there was always that feeling that because you were the first kid, she tested the options so much that she left you an arm's length away, and if it were different it would be weird. 

Again, you understood. She was your mother.

When you had the whole context of the divorce, she always came with comments. She noticed your house, your clothes, your silence; she insisted that Theodore say something, that he apologize, and you had to be definitive for it to stop.

But she was your mother. 

Emma didn't say things because she didn't like to commit, but you knew when she betrayed that direct opinion that your mother had about everything. It was like something mirrored, that instead of loud voices and cigarette smoke, you received a calculating coldness in sudden, discreet and passive comments. So you didn't confront her because, well, she wasn't your mother.

You knew you were on the edge since the situation with Ballard – so did she. And before all of that, there was the snickering, the ‘are you sure you are okay?’ with condescendent tone, the ‘maybe you should take some days off’ with a hint of a joke. You knew her and you knew each one of those mannerisms. 

Isla's situation wouldn't have grow so much in you if it weren't for the daily stress of things, yes, but it was the comment that Emma made when she went to ask you about Gina that made you stop, look and make sure you had actually heard that.

“I mean, look what getting close to Nick did to you. You weren't like this when you were still married.”

You weren't even talking about that – you had taken days to redo the work on the report, you were barely sleeping and honestly nothing she was saying had reached your ear until that moment. For her, it was another comment that you would ignore, another small micro-aggression that would pass, so she continued typing on the computer and the weight of the air in her office seemed to fall solely on you.

“... I beg your pardon?” 

She glanced at you and went back to the computer screen. 

“Yeah, you know. Women tend to rely on male powerful figures when in lack of it. Freud said something about it, didn’t he?”

“Emma, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

That did catch her attention. She backed away, then saw your offended expression and actually turned to you, alert.

“I’m sorry if I said something wrong,” And even that sounded wrong. 

“It's not just that, you're acting like an idiot to everyone here! Walsh treated me like an idiot and harassed me, which you glossed over and blamed on me. Gina was concise and conscientious about finding out about Isla and Nick because it would sink the Department, and you did nothing. What is that?” 

Emma hesitated. With a lick of her lips, she probably calculated that being all about ‘I’m wrong, right?’ wouldn’t work, so she took her time. 

“... I’m thinking of what’s best for you. Protecting your integrity for what it’s to come.”

“And what the fuck is to come? Tell me, Emma, what is it? I-” You took a deep breath. “Do you want to know? I don't want to know. I really don't want to. Whatever shit you or Magalon are warning me about in fucking code, I don't want to know.” 

“What did Magalon tell you?”

“I feel like I'm talking to my ex… Have you heard what I said before?” You pressed, getting on your feet with a huff of frustration. “Make a fucking decision Emma, ​​just… Make a fucking decision. And don't ever disrespect me like that again.” 

****

“My husband was a member of the group.”

Isla had a calm voice despite the context in which she was inserted. There were no handcuffs on her wrists or a guard inside the room; everything was done very smoothly. Her lawyer was there, tho, and he was sending Zapata some glares while they talked. There was a palpable tension in the air, as if a black cloud of violence or distortion hung within that interrogation room.

Really, you shouldn't even be there, watching. Henderson was sitting to one side as he watched through the glass the conversation Zapata and Emma were having with the woman, and that should be enough for them. Even so, it was Emma who suggested that you participate indirectly, as if using a petty way to see if you were really immersed in the work like you said. 

According to the file, Isla was of Albanian origin. The parents were immigrants and ran a small textile business in Coney Island, but they weren’t anything but a fast topic of conversation. The features of her face, such as the more rounded nose and the full face, were soft, even if her lips were dry. She was in a wheelchair, her arm had a bandage. 

Looking at it that way, she didn't look so much like Debbie. Maybe their comparison was in the attitude: the two seemed equally taken by a feeling that hovered only in Nick. One that you didn't know what it was and that maybe nobody could put their finger on.

She spoke of everything. Kosovo, her relationship with a man named Oliver Clark, her marriage and children – Selim, with 5, and Dafina, with 9. 

You just noticed that Nick entered the room when you smelled his cologne. Bad smell, as always, enough to break any serious moment with that fragrance. You couldn’t help but make a face, pinching your nostrils once and clearing your throat. He ignored you, of course. Benny appeared right behind him with two cups of coffee – you two shared a brief look.

“We have the search warrant,” He said to everyone in the room, eyeing the scene in front of you with a stern face. “I also got WPP.”  

A little late for that.

“Anything important?” Took you time to understand that the question was directed to you. When the silence became too much, you turned to him and saw everyone staring. 

“... Nothing I didn't already imagine. I'll have better luck when I have the equipment,” You leaned over the table, just a touch, and read the notes you’d taken. “Leica M6 35mm, Pentax K1000 and… Nikon 35 Ti. Analog. This Leica is a rarity, I think it was the one she used for the Long Beach homicides.”

“Couldn't it have been someone else?” Henderson asked. 

“Is that just a stupid question or do you want to make sure we've tested all options?”

“Both. So?” Nick pressed, arms crossed and nothing but harshness on his tone. 

You observed him for a beat, considered your chances there. 

“... The Leica is from the beginning of the last century, like, the 30's to the 50's. At least this model she said she has. In addition to being rare, not everyone nowadays can handle it because the resources are basically mechanical. It would be an absurd coincidence, which is not quite the case.”

“We've dealt with coincidences before.”

“Well, you would know the truth better than anyone.”

O’Brien didn’t answer. You rolled your eyes, going back to the notes before giving Isla another look. 

“How long has she been doing this?” The question was kind of thrown up in the air, as no one dared to answer. You glared at them, specifically at Nick, who huffed in annoyance before saying something.

“Two years.”

“And the case landed in your lap…” You said. “It seems that you really work with coincidences.”  

Again, no answer. Feeling like you couldn't get from point A to B with anyone there, you jotted down some more information on paper and stretched your back, rolling your shoulders.

“It will be manual stuff then. They’ll have to look at each negative.”

“If it can be done then I don't see a problem.”

“It's a good opportunity to tell me anything else I don't already know,” You conceded, voice contained to prevent any progression there. It was like swallowing a fucking lamp. 

Everyone was quiet when they heard Isla speak again, attentive as they watched every detail of the story that should no longer be news to Nick's ears. You were so concentrated that the noises of chairs dragging on the floor didn't even call your attention. Someone said something, the door opened and closed, and suddenly there was a cup of coffee right next to you.

Benny tapped the lid twice.

“Decaf,” He mouthed discreetly before retrieving his proximity and leaving the room. 

You and Henderson shared a glance, but he didn’t say a thing. You two were busy anyway. 

****

Benny didn't have a very organized routine, but he could count how many times he thought about you after that shitty lunch: two.

1. That coffee wasn't for you, but he thought of you when he noticed that the Starbucks server had made the wrong order. It was kind of spontaneous. Suddenly you were there, at the front of his mind, like you were hovering around and ready to just emerge. He put it there, left the cup as if saying ‘you can have it if you want, but if you don’t it’s fine’. No one brought the subject up.

2. Nick had gone to the store to meet an informant and someone, probably Connors, saw a familiar figure at the register when they entered. Benny knew it was Murph who commented, but he saw Zapata turn his head to look at the guy.

“Do you know who he is?”

“Who?” Benny frowned, unaware of the commotion. He turned his head, saw the dude standing there staring at his phone – like a normal person. 

“This is Theodore Park, our trouble girl's ex.”  

There was only one person Connors called ‘trouble girl' and it wasn't usually the kind of comment that came from beyond the grave. However he recognized the guy, whether it was a run-in at office parties that Benny barely attended or some private investigation that bordered on a stalker personality from Murph’s part, it seemed to be true. When Magalon looked back again, Theodore Park was gone.

The second time, then, he discovered who your ex-husband was while listening to what seemed like irrelevant information to the investigation. In the midst of Nick's reticence and failures, Theodore Park was the object of his interest. 

He was tall compared to the 5'7 that Benny was. Maybe 6'2, compared to O'Brien. There were some university articles about him (three paragraphs at Berkeley, two large PDFs at CSULB that he didn't read, and good references at Caltech) and he seemed successful with an information systems company or something. Benny could never speak properly about these things because he was never interested; as long as he had a phone that worked, he knew how to use the most intuitive social media and that was it. But not Theodore, no. The guy was a successful man in that aspect, indeed. A rich guy on the way. Without much effort, Benny would see this dude doing TED Talks and making Forbes in a few years. Which had nothing to do with him, or what seemed like your type of guy. If Theodore was on one side of the spectrum, Benny was on the other in every way.

Still, Magalon didn't do much with this information. There wasn't much he could do with it anyway.

It was only later – days later – when they had agreed to go to a 'club' to 'decompress', that he found himself thinking about you for the third time. 

Earlier that day, he saw you talking to Lennon over what seemed like conventional pleasantries between friends. You were wearing jeans, both hands in your back pockets as you paid attention to something that was being said. Your usual lab coat was gone, probably because Benny could clearly see that your shirt was tighter, had a wider bust and the position of your arms gave a subtle view of your breasts. Nothing indiscreet, because you weren't indiscreet. That outfit, however, made Benny have a sudden indiscreet thought, and it stayed in his head all day. 

He hadn't looked for you anymore – he hadn't had the chance to do that. Things escalated and suddenly there he was talking about how similar he was to Nick, pushing you away with a passive behavior that clearly pissed you off. You didn't even react, which he understood as full acceptance of the fact that he was an asshole, as if that was the one thing that Benny and a technology nerd like Theodore had in common: being a scoundrel. You treated him as always, even though what had already happened between you should have been enough for that 'always' to change.

It was sad. He really was starting to like what you two started to have. 

The girl standing next to him was called Lindsay. She sat down, started a conversation; they talked very little. Lindsay was wasted, not even bothering to clean the traces of cocaine from her top lip and nose or the way her eyes were dark. Benny asked if she wanted to go home and another friend, named Tracy (or Tara), who was visibly lucid, said it was a good idea. He paid for the taxi, made sure they got into the car safely, and discreetly showed the driver his badge. Like any other night.

He watched the taxi disappear down the street, then, on the other side, the movement of cars on that side of the city. It was late summer and the breeze of the change of season was a sure sign of the arrival of autumn, so he felt the wind hit his face. 

Benny didn't go back up to the hotel room with the guys. He handed the parking pass to the usual guy, got in the car and headed home.

No, not like any other night. That time, Benny felt another wave of what someone once said was a ‘midlife crisis’.

****

You weren't a fan of bathtubs. Well, you had one, but it was that kind of thing that was borrowed into your life, shoved down your throat because it wasn't so bad after all. Just like the coffee table you had before. And the kitchen window you always hated. And the kind of lamp that lasted so little but, look, it was chic. So like all things, which seemed to be the biggest provocation that accompanied a 'gift' from a big son of a bitch, or a reminder of how there was a sense of ease in making your life miserable, you enjoyed it.

Something like that. 

You had plans to get rid of each of these things soon, because all in all, the financial part of your life was also complicated. A visit to the bank, a mortgage proposal, expenses for the large yard and the last remnants of your student fund. You looked through apartment websites for sale and just that idea left you incredibly depressed because, on top of everything else, you were a crybaby who lost the comfort of a husband who paid most of the household bills. And not to mention the job, because… damn, the fucking job. It had been days since you closed your eyes and saw Nick, Isla, Emma, ​​Ballard, Mathias; what kind of fucking burnout was that?

So that night, when your heels were swollen and your back was sore, you allowed yourself a few minutes of privilege. Bath salts, then the heat of refreshing water and, among other things you haven't done in a long time, you felt a little sorry for yourself, felt like Emma did you so fucking wrong and you needed to be put in a victim’s place for a while. 

Connors had posted a photo with the guys on Instagram – you saw it by chance, one hand resting your head on the edge of the bathtub and the other scrolling through your phone. ‘bday party w/ the fella 🔥🔥🔥’, with Benny below his arm in what looked like a half drunk pose, in what also looked like a strip club in the background. You stared at it for a moment. Then another. Then another. There were easy smiles, joyfulness, even happiness; like it was just a standard day, as if the world was okay as soon as the first beer landed on their tables. 

There was never a question with them, a doubt. It was as if, arbitrarily, the main characteristic of a cop wasn’t useful for them to become the ideal professionals that everyone thought they were. There is no need for moral duty, responsibility and care, as proof that the world, in itself, was also not moral, responsible and careful. 

That was it. It was this pain, this itch, that disturbed you, because you knew that no questions were directed at Theodore when things ended. He, above the law, with money in his pocket and a successful career ahead of him, didn’t receive any dirty looks for having cheated on his own wife, who in turn would, in fact, receive condescending comments, pats on the shoulder of comfort and an unfair response from a boss, who attributed your problems to the great evil of having lost an idiot husband. That was what you always hated the most. 

Before you could put down the device, the screen changed theme: Benny was calling. It wasn't a text, it was a call. 

You hesitated before answering.

“... Yes?”

“Hey,” The other end of the line was clear, even if you presumed he was still in the club with the guys. “You busy?”

“Mm-hm,” You frowned. “Something happened?” 

“No.”

“... Ah.”

“Just wanted to check on you. You probably think that I’m a jerk right now.”

You lifted your torso and sat in the bathtub, more confused than you expected. For a beat you didn’t say anything. 

“You do.”

“No! No, I… I don’t think… anything. Why do you think that?” But he didn’t need to answer because you knew. “If that’s because we’re not doing anything, there’s no hard feelings. We’re just having fun, right?”

Benny sighed. 

“Yeah, we were.”

“So you don’t need to explain yourself.”

And before you could stop yourself, you added something else that made your eyes close in regret. 

“Things are kinda crazy right now.” 

You didn't want to go back to the atmosphere of that lunch. It wasn't your fault or his, but it was as if there was an external interference, a weight of your different ideals, even if they weren't in question at that moment. That's why you had convinced yourself to give it a chance, to go out with him in the first place: because it wasn't work. And suddenly you were stupid and brought it up as soon as he got in touch after so long.

“How’s Gina?” He decided to ask, which made you squirm in discomfort. 

“She’s fine,” You conceded. “Nick?”

“He’s good.”

Another pause. 

“... Well, I’m certain that you don’t want to talk about it.”

“I don’t, you’re right.”

“Yeah,” You let out a low embarrassed giggle, biting your bottom lip. “Neither do I.”

Another pause. You couldn’t hear a thing for the other side and, for a long stretched moment, it felt like you two were measuring each other’s breaths. 

“I didn't know it was Connors' birthday,” Which worked. Benny sighed in defeat, but it was better to talk about Murph’s ideas of parties than anything else. 

That was how fucked up the whole situation was. 

“We kinda did something. He always makes a big deal of that stuff.”

“You don’t?” 

“Nah, I’m old. Pushing closer to my 50s already. Whoever said middle age life for men it’s their peak, but that’s bullshit.” 

“If you were Telly Savalas, perhaps,” The teasing didn’t go unnoticed by him, who scoffed a laugh. It made you smile too. “So your party ended early.” 

“Couldn’t stay long there. My sister made up dinner because one of my nieces is going to college. Right now I’m sleeping in my old bathroom at my mom’s house.” 

“What, Benny Magalon still fits in his childhood bed?” 

“You know me enough to know how well I fit.”

Deep down, you realized that he didn't say that in a charming way to induce you into some kind of phone sex or something like that. He sounded a little indifferent, actually, and even lazy, as if that was what he should tell you because of the circumstances. You felt a certain relief when you noticed the tone in his voice, because you didn't feel up to it that day.

He moved on the other side, just like you.

“Are you gonna ask what I am wearing?” You teased with a small smile. 

“You’re naked. I heard the sound of water, so you’re in a bathtub.” 

“Aren’t you a smart detective.”

“Now who’s the one being a charmer,” He said.

“If I was, I would ask what you’re wearing.”

“I’m wearing sleep shorts.”

“Mm.”

“With no underwear.”

“Ooh, how sexy.” 

“Right.”

You two shared a quiet, peaceful laugh. You leaned back in the bathtub and rested your head on the edge of it, staring at the ceiling as you heard him moving again on the other side.

There was a hint of subtext, as if you wanted to say something and so did he, but no one knew how because it wasn't something as casual as a sexual joke or small talk. He called, after all, and if this was a failed attempt to 'relax', he had already made it clear that he wasn't very interested either. What was it, anyway? Should you bring up the subject of Isla? Should you two keep talking about this?

“Enjoy that bathtub for me,” Like a goodbye, voice and mind probably in another place. 

“I hate this fucking thing.”

“Enjoy it anyway. God knows it can give us a break. We all need it.”

“Yeah… Tell Connors I said happy birthday.” 

“Will not.”

You rolled your eyes and scoffed. 

“Good night, Benny.”

“Good night, gatita.” 

You abandoned the phone at the closed toilet seat as soon as the line was off, but you kept looking at the device for a while, as if waiting for something to happen or just expecting that sensation of unsaid things to go away. It shouldn’t hit you this hard – shouldn’t make you feel like things were simply falling apart. 

You just wanted to be sure for once that things wouldn’t be so difficult all the time. 

****

The first sip of coffee was distracted. When the taste hit your tongue, you immediately grimaced and threw the drink back into the cup, staring at the totally undrinkable dark thing.

Great. No good coffee as well. 

You wiped the corners of your mouth with your fingers and left the cup on the table, a little unsure whether you should throw it away or not. After little consideration, you just threw it in the trash can, massaging your eyes with the heels of your hands before taking a long breath. 

The break room was naturally busy in the morning, with people on double shifts and those who were arriving, like you, in and out of the tiredness of the end of the day with the beginning of another. Everyone was chatting amongst themselves, exchanging details about cases they were working on or the new bar that had opened nearby, so it was a bit strange that as soon as you rolled your shoulders to ease the tension, everyone turned their attention to a Lennon out of breath who entered the room with an urgent voice.

“Did you know?” That's all he said, then turning on the TV and stopping in the middle of the tables to watch it. You, who were further in front and close to the coffee machine, had to lift your head a little more to understand what was happening.

“Recognized for the successful work carried out on the Merrimen case, Los Angeles County Major Crimes, coincidentally on the day of the closure of one of the most intense operations carried out in the city and credited in its name, hands over the most recent drug trafficking case to the Drug Enforcement Administration, the DEA…” 

You could hear some gasps from your colleagues, murmurs and then shushings, so that they remained quiet and could listen carefully to what was there as if it wasn't obvious. After that, you just stared at the screen in disbelief, your brow furrowed and your hands outstretched at your sides. When they cut to the scene of the press conference in the building's press room, which appeared to have taken place not long before you arrived, you could only see Nick standing next to the sheriff, Walsh's team, and Mathias himself at the lectern making the announcement. 

Mathias's voice was a background sound, almost like an irritating noise in the silence of that room that seemed palpable. No commotion, no direct press releases, just a 'peaceful transition' (Walsh's words) to 'a more prepared and complete team' (also Walsh’s words), which indirectly could mean more than cutting spending by the County government but rather a nudge coward of someone who didn't have the balls to chest someone basically… male.

You felt a little bad about that. 

But, heavens, everyone thought that. And when Gina, of all those present, said mid Walsh's phony speech right after he highlighted the inefficiency of the forensic team (a part you only realized when he used the terms 'difficulty communicating with experts' and 'inadequacy expert with the magnitude of the case'), you blinked and saw her standing for herself, arms crossed and ready to fight.

“Nick does that fucking shit and we get the blame,” She said to the TV. 

Then you got hit by a huge wave of realization. Of Emma, of Benny, of the ‘codes’ they were using to talk with you, the alerts. You didn't imagine this had been shared with Gina, or with anyone else, but it sounded so premeditated that you felt a shiver of distrust.

No one there got caught up in it because they didn't have time, but everyone recognized the mechanisms and adapted to them. Neither you nor Gina whined much when the sheriff organized annual running competitions and didn't stay to reward the winning women; from what little you knew of Henderson, you didn't see him complaining, for example, about the fact that Nick always put him in for questioning black suspects, tapping him twice on the shoulder and saying 'you know what to do', but heavy in a condescending tone. Hell, you always saw the same ridiculous type of episode happening with Lennon as well. 

Taken back to reality by the commotion bubbling between your colleagues, you noticed Emma standing in the doorway as if she had sneakily appeared to observe the reactions and the two of you exchanged very tense silent looks. She didn’t look defeated, but averted your gaze as soon as it became just a staring contest. 

You turned to the TV – to the takes of Nick and the guys during the Merrimen case, then at their faces during the press conference. 

Huh. 

****

The atmosphere was burial-like, to say the least. You had spent the day in the lab, like a forced routine return, and it was as if no one had the balls to open their mouth and speak verbally about the subject. There were official emails from the DEA requesting evidence that had already been collected, reminders from Emma about other cases you were working on in parallel, one thing or another from Ballard (who didn't know how to create an email conversation and ended up answering each of your responses with a new email). There was a sepulchral silence from Major Crimes, but not the kind that left them untainted in the precinct's dome of recognition and social hierarchy – it was a shameful silence.

If you could bet on a collective concern, perhaps everyone was tense at the idea of ​​having been publicly exposed as incompetent, and if even the best team of detectives in the county had failed, there was no certainty of the stability of the Department's resources. This would not only make the LASD incompetent (or corrupt), but also incomplete.

You have a new text! You looked at the phone screen lazily, already expecting anything else, but when you saw who it really was, you couldn’t help but feel reticent and, at best, surprised.

****

“Is this your bat cave or something?” 

The door to the building's terrace always got stuck, but that was just one of the old or poorly working things in that place. Your comment was more to break the ice, to kill that sour mood after you stumbled to close the thing. You took a few steps closer to O'Brien and the others, the five of them sitting around in concrete boxes. 

“Was that supposed to be funny?” Zapata asked with a scowl, to which made you raise your eyebrows at the animosity.  

“I think so, but if you're offended I think I'm on the right track.” 

“You really are a bitch.”

“Tony-” Benny intervened. 

“Yo, there’s no need to-” Connors said.

“Yeah, Zapata, watch your fucking mouth,” Biting back wasn’t exactly the best idea, because you knew the spirits were agitated, but it was obvious that the context didn’t allow for that type of behavior against you. Everyone there knew that that reaction was the remnant of misdirected anger. 

You two shared a silent glare. Tony considered your face for a moment and you did the same; when Magalon pushed him to avert the attention, Zapata waved him off and walked away – you and Benny shared a small glance, one he soon ended to look at Nick, who watched the scene while lighting a cigarette. 

“We done?” He asked. 

“Don’t know, Nick, are we?” You sighed in defeat, sitting on a concrete support and looking anywhere but him. “You said it was important.”

“It is.”

“Is it about the case?”

“He used Isla. We think it had some internal interference.”

And so, being a somewhat literate person in the context of dealing with cops, you could see the pattern and tone of the conversation that had just begun: it was almost an interrogation. Everyone there, kind of around him, looking for the person who would go to the guillotine. It took a while, between the silence that followed, the way everyone (except Benny) was staring at you and Zapata's reaction so spontaneously explosive, but when you lifted your head and looked at that scene, connecting the dots, you frowned and felt truly offended. 

“Wow.”

“We need to be sure.”

“And it would be me for… what, exactly?” He didn’t answer, which made you scoff and giggle in disbelief. “Look, I know my friend wouldn't do that, but as any normal person you could ask Gina that, right?” 

“We did,” Henderson said. “We investigated and there was nothing.” 

“That means you investigated me as well?” 

You felt a pang of frustration greater than the outrage you were feeling. And despite the secret behind you and Benny, who shook his head, it was on him that you closed your eyes for a moment before looking back at Nick, who had his eyes downcast, scratching at the ground while blowing smoke from his mouth.

“You are all a bunch of fuckers.”

“You reacted to Isla,” O’Brien argued with a monotonous tone. “And you said I would be fucked if I messed with you again.”

“Because I’m a human being, Nick, the fuck.” 

No one said a word. There was this soft breeze flowing around, given the time of the year and the area where you were, one that you noticed that made their hairs flow and you shiver a little. If you paid close attention, you would see frustration and rage and that regular disappointment of a kid when they have lost a toy they like or are denied a candy. The loss, whatever it was, hurt for them but not for professional reasons but for honor. A very uncompensated and arbitrary honor, but an honor nonetheless. And it was always easier to blame someone else. You knew it was easy to make a calculation that would work for you because there would always be the feeling that you were impulsive, stubborn, even cruel – because men hurt you, because you still resent things in your personal life.

“I think it's common sense that almost no one here likes you very much,” You said in a low tone. “And we can agree that ethics and professionalism aren’t exactly the main pillars of what you do.”

Nobody said anything, because you were right. It was actually impressive that you managed to maintain a calm, almost soothing tone right after being basically accused of something so serious. Deep down, you felt that, at least, Nick didn't put much faith in this hypothesis, that this was a demonstration of power in front of others because his hands were tied and this was truly new to him. 

And you didn't ask what the plan was, what they were going to do next. You didn't care about that. No one needed to cry because they lost the case, it was obvious that it wasn't the first time this had happened – it certainly wasn't the last either.

Nick puffed some smoke out of his chest, eyeing you for a moment. Then, with a ‘tsk’, he huffed and crouched down, elbows resting on his eyes, making eye contact. 

“Someone reported the investigation to the Embassy. Walsh had us up against the wall as soon as you mentioned the fucking case in Long Beach because the bastard found out about her and me. I was exposed. I'm testing my options here and one of them includes the fact that you curiously knew that they were the same specifications in both cases,” He said. “Gina just found that out and spit to the whole fucking world to know. She’s not that dumb to risk herself to do so.”

“Yeah, but I am, because apparently it didn't occur to you that I was just good at my damn job. The fact that I knew about the pics was just a question of someone giving me a fucking clue?” You raised your eyebrows. “I got my degree and my master's at the same time, you son of a bitch. I don't need to suck anyone's balls to know how to do my job.” 

You two looked at each other. Nick was clenching his jaw, holding words in his mouth and turning them around enough so they could come back in a dry swallow. When he looked away first, blinking a few times, it was the first time you really saw genuine frustration, a moment of weakness that maybe, one day, Debbie had seen, or that the co-workers who were around him at the moment also witnessed in a rare way. 

Your brow was furrowed and you were truly confused and mad by this gap. Looking around, above O'Brien's head, you saw Zapata looking at the city below him with an annoyed look, his back to the two of you; Murph kept his hands in his hoodie pockets, Henderson had his arms crossed. Benny watched you, then looked at the ground, shaking his head. 

No, this wasn't about you, nor was it your fault – of course it wasn’t. In that context, you were just a part of the realization of something you hadn't touched until you saw every defeated feature on that rooftop. 

“... Are you sure?” You asked, blinking a few times with a shaky voice. 

Nick shook his head. 

“And you expect me to do something about it?”

“No,” He said with a firm tone, getting up on his feet. “No one here is sure. I figured you knew something since-”

“Since you thought I had something to do with it, yeah, I noticed,” It was directed to Tony, who just tsked and averted his gaze again. 

When everyone kept quiet, not daring to admit their mistake or even apologize, you were the one getting up, still not sure how to react and uncertain of how to end that conversation. 

“Never do that to me again, don’t-” You collected your voice, clearing your throat. “I never considered myself such a good person, but next to you I'm a fucking saint. I put up with a lot of shit from Walsh and Emma because of you, so shut the hell up before you dare think I'd change sides. If there is any side to this shit.” 

“I needed to be sure.”

“I hope you had all the answers you needed,” There was harshness in your tone, almost a fury. And surprisingly, he didn’t answer that equally. “And yeah, I’ll be honest, okay? You were a coward. I don’t like you. Go eat shit.” 

“It’s easy to say that after you put Benny in the middle of whatever it is you have with Walsh.”

“Listen now-”

“Excuse me?” You frowned, not even letting Magalon finish the interruption he was doing while getting closer. “I didn't ask anyone here to defend me! If this fucking case went wrong, try to consider your incompetence or the fact that no one asked you to fuck a suspect.”

When he kept quiet again, you scoffed, shaking your head. 

“It’s so easy, isn’t it? Walk around like you rule every place, do whatever the fuck you want, put the blame on everyone to feel better… Gina was right. You’re just like Walsh. Just like him.”

You nodded. 

“You always had all the tricks in hand and let a widowed single mother almost get killed by a gang. Curious of you to think anyone is responsible but you.” 

Turning your back, you walked away from him, already opening the door to leave the rooftop. Before you could, though, you eyed him one more time. 

“Whatever your plan is, when and if they ask me, I'll be sincere. About you and about her. Because I can do that.” 

“You would never say anything against Emma.”

The mention of her name, like an answer to your question, made you flex your fingers in anger. 

“... And I don't blame you for not believing that. It’s clear that it's been a while since you've been able to understand honesty.”

****

“You called her a bitch.”

Hearing Benny's voice break the silence was strange, so everyone was confused before understanding what he was saying. When they did, he saw Zapata shift uncomfortably on the couch, looking at the coffee table.

“I didn't think straight at the moment.”

“It seems like no one here has done that.”

“You want to say something?” Nick pressed with a rough tone, as if ready to snap at the detective right away. Benny measured him, shrugged. 

“I told you it was a bad idea. With Isla and with her.���

“We needed to get around it all, test possibilities. This shit is going to get ugly soon.”

“And you pushed away one of the few people who could keep us from getting screwed over too.” 

When they exchanged glances after Benny's response, there was a silent consensus that the disagreements were slowly getting bigger, something that had been surrounding the group long before you showed up or the case.

Everyone continued smoking in silence and the tense atmosphere didn’t dissipate. Things weren't going well.

****

You knew what you were getting into when you started your career there – you always did. Your parents looked at you the wrong way at first, Theodore always treated it as a temporary thing, and your friends always told you that a lab somewhere was great, or a university could be perfect for anyone who wanted to invest in the academic field, or a friend's company in private sector needed a professional who had the same qualifications as you. 

Still, you resisted the comments in the same way that someone resists some kind of temptation: you laughed, you chatted away and no one brought it up again. You didn't consider those things because you liked the stability that a government job gave you, and people just couldn't understand that.

It was the first time you really considered it. You have recapitulated occasions, measured the possibilities; maybe LASD was no longer the most stable place in the world to be, nor the safest.

The marijuana stash (that's what your brother called it) was in the drawer next to the bed. When you were with Theodore, he also used it, although he didn't really like it because he had headaches, so it was a common thing in the house. You were on your third or fourth drink, eyeing the files and releasing smoke into the air. There was no music, just the low light in the room and the brightness of Kojak's aquarium, so sometimes you needed to squint to see small letters of your own handwriting.

You revisited the case, reviewed your notes and copies of the evidence. Whether it was the effect of the marijuana drink, or your paranoid conscience, you wanted to know if at any point you missed something that indicated a failure in your judgment, if Nick was right or if you ended up taking the whole case down with Isla. 

Someone had been trying to call for half an hour, but you didn't answer –it must have been someone from work, because if it had been a family member they would already be knocking on the door. You didn't even look in the direction of the phone; the vibrations started to bother you but not distract you.

Before you could put the cigarette back in your mouth, someone knocked on the door. The doorbell had stopped working a while ago and that was one of the things that had to be fixed before you could sell that fucking house. 

“Who’s it?” You asked in a high voice, not moving from your spot. 

No one answered. That made you frown, then finally snap your eyes in the door’s direction. You waited. Seconds later, your phone had gone off. 

“... Hello?” 

“It’s me. Lemme in?”

Everything was screaming for you to say no, to hang up and leave him waiting outside until he gave up and disappeared. It would be very convenient for him to be there, ready to convince you of something, to be more malleable; it made sense. He could still be trying to take something out of you, as far as you knew. Still, you were a little out of orbit from the weed, slightly sluggish and relaxed, so you calmly got up, abandoned the files where they were spread on the coffee table and walked over, opening it but not waiting too long to see him enter before turning around again. 

You took slow steps into the room. There was the sound of the door closing, then being locked, and then his footsteps coming behind, but keeping his distance. 

“Weed?” He asked. 

“Are you going to arrest me?”

“I could,” That answer made you snort. “But it’s Cali. And you’re literally my teenage wet dream right now, so I can let it pass.”

Teasing or not, you looked at yourself and noticed your clothes (or lack thereof): panties, a long t-shirt. When you turned to him, standing in the middle of the room, Benny was staring at your legs, but he wasn't smiling.

“You're like a broken record, you know that?” You raised your eyebrows, hands on your hips. “All you say is that I'm in your dreams. This is cheesy as fuck.” 

“You didn't complain about that when you were riding me.”

“Oh, so this is my fault?”

“Well, you’re being quite hypocritical.”

“Fuck off.”

“Stop it.”

“What do you want?”

“You didn't answer my calls.”

“That doesn't answer my question, so I guess we're even.”

He was tense, stressed. You could tell. Benny wouldn't talk to you like that if he wasn't angry about something, maybe even frustrated because you weren't 'clear-headed' to talk at all. 

For a few seconds, he considered you while licking his lips, as if the gears were turning in his head. Yours was also moving, but more gradually, slowly, which left you a little unresponsive when you saw him take off his jacket.

“This must be good, you didn't even hear me.”

“Mm?” You blinked, taking in the sight of his forearms while he lifted his shirt sleeves. That made him crack a giggle. 

“Can I have some?” 

Oh. Oh. The weed. He was already walking closer to the coffee table to grab the joint between two fingers, eyes swiping over the papers, so you watched in awe as he put the cig on his lips and took a long drag, eyeing the burning tip with curiosity. Benny hummed and nodded while puffing the smoke.

“Shit’s really good. How did you get it?” 

“... My brother,” And before he could take another drag, you picked the joint from his hands. “Smoke, hold and pass. That's the rule.” 

“Are we in college or somethin’?”

“Shut up and sit down.”

That's what you two did – him on the couch, you on the carpet in front of him. You took another drag, handed over the cigarette and he brushed his hands on your shoulders before grunting, probably leaning back on the cushions. 

****

It was a very silent few minutes, almost making you forget that Benny was there. When the effect of marijuana hit him, he was already lying on the sofa, without his shoes or his top shirt, limiting himself to showing his arms in a white tank top. This gave you a period of lucidity, very brief, and soon there was no more marijuana to smoke, despite the joint not being finished.

All your caution was being thrown out the window, you knew, but it wasn't like it was going to make any difference. 

“Hey,” You called him in a low tone. 

“Mm?”

“Can I ask you something?”

Benny stayed quiet for a moment or two, as if gathering his thoughts, then you listened to him squirming on the couch, getting on his side to look at you even if you still had your back at him. Sensing that he was waiting for you to give him the same attention, you adjusted yourself and stared at him. 

“Shoot it.”

“What happened with Walsh wasn’t on purpose.”

Silence. For a beat, you even thought that he didn’t hear you, given the fact he was already zoning out a little. You started to feel embarrassed, weird. Well, you were high, which could lead to a version of you who would babble about a lot of nonsense and shit, but that was something that came from your lucid mind, probably a thing you wouldn’t say so softly without the weed. 

“It wasn’t a question,” He teased in a calm voice, smiling at you. 

“... I know,” You smiled back, but it turned into a bunch of stupid giggling. 

It cooled down soon. 

“I didn’t see it this way, you know. Walsh is a stupid motherfucker,” He said after a while.

“Jackass.”

“Dickhead.”

“Yeah… His head looks like a dick. An ugly one.”

“And there’s any pretty dicks somewhere?”

“Just as there’s pretty pussies.” 

“Have you ever seen others?”

You looked at each other, a small smile playing on your lips. When realization started to slowly creep on him, he opened his mouth in shock. 

“It was in college-”

“Always in college,” He rolled his eyes, grinning like an idiot. 

“I had this friend, Kennedy. We were roommates, I was single at the time, you know… It happened. But now we’re just good friends.”

“Mm.”

“I’m serious!” You laughed. 

“So you’re telling me that if this Kennedy comes up here tonight, ask to go down on you or whatever, you would say no?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Fuck, I would. I’m not cold blooded, gatita.”

A series of laughs filled the living room again. 

“We’re going out of the question here, yeah? Having a serious conversation.”

“You were the one talking about dicks here!”

“Because you called Walsh a dickhead!”

“Okay,” He sighed, adjusting his body to lean over his arm and have a better look at you. Little by little, Benny started to frown, as if thinking hard on something. You would be lying if you said it wasn’t a beautiful sight. 

“So?” 

“I know you didn’t do it on purpose,” His voice was soft, calm, even if a little concerned. “Plus, you had just signed a divorce and Walsh was there talking about it, humiliating you. That wasn't right.” 

You considered his words calmly, blinking heavily but still paying attention. 

“Nick wasn’t in his right mind when he said that.”

“You think?”

“Mm-hm. You shouldn’t worry about it,” And you knew he was talking about the files spread behind you, so you felt a wave of embarrassment. 

“...You’re not just saying that, are you?” The question was serious, probably the first serious thing you said since he came to your house out of nowhere. 

“Why would I do that?”

“Because you’re with them. Like… you know. With them.”

Benny nodded, taking in your words carefully. 

“Fair enough.” 

But he didn’t push the topic, nor tried to apologize or something. He let you have your doubts, probably because he himself couldn’t help but agree that maybe, if it was the other way around, there would be uncertainty on his part as well. You sighed, then, turning your eyes to the carpet and poking it every now and then, as if looking for something on it with false concentration.

“Hey.”

“Mm?”

“Come here.”

“What?”

“‘Wanna feel you,” He almost whined, sitting up and pulling you by the fabric of your shirt. 

“That’s why you came? To feel me?”

“Are you fucking mocking me, woman?”

“I am,” You got on your knees carefully, smirking at him lazily. “Looked like you just waited for the best opportunity to come back here and fuck me.” 

“But I don’t wanna fuck you, I wanna feel you.”

“What’s the difference?” 

The position you stayed couldn’t be more convenient: him, starting to sit as well, legs spread while you rose on your knees, ready to get up. It gave him some time to stare at you with a lazy grin. 

“Saying I wanna fuck would imply that I just came here for it,” He explained. “Feeling you could lead to sex, but with some warm up.”

“All the times we had sex had some warm up,” You argued, hands gripping his thighs lightly. 

“And it was so good, wasn’t it?” Benny asked when you rose just a little to get closer to his face. 

You observed his face for a moment before raising up to peck his lips lightly. When he just sighed, melting into it, you smiled and gave him another kiss, this time a little longer, wetter – enough to, when you part ways, it made a muah. The fabric of your shirt was worn out, old enough to make it more thin and give you a better feel when you gently brushed your chest on his. It made you sigh against his lips, doing it again when he groaned a little, unable to move a muscle but reacting in slow breaths. 

Both of you, silly high adults, brushing your noses, kissing soundly and ready to fuck each other’s brains out as if the world wasn’t basically on fire. 

“I didn’t come here for this, tho.”

This made you move your face, just a little, and the look on your eyes scrunched up in confusion. It felt like a spontaneous burst of lucidity, almost like a punch, and when he turned his face to the side, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands, you felt brutally rejected. You moved your hands away from his legs. Suddenly, the carpet was hurting your knees and you stood up, muttering a 'sorry' as you sat on the edge of the sofa, a little away from him. 

“Did you come to defend Nick or something?” 

“This has nothing to do with Nick.”

“So why are you here? To tease about us fuck and not doing a thing about it?”

He considered your face for a moment, still taking in the effects of the weed – even if you both started to feel more buzzed then properly high. 

“You don't want to go to war with him.”

“Oh,” You raised your eyebrows, scoffing a sarcastic giggle. “So you came to be a gentleman and defend me from the evils of disagreeing with Nicholas O'Brien? I thought you made it clear that you didn't have much chivalry in your personality.”  

“I don’t.”

“Mm.”

“But that has nothing to do with chivalry. You’re not being rational.”

“About…?” 

Benny sighed.

“We both know it was Emma.” 

“That shit again…” You groaned, getting up brusquely from your seat and wobbling a little before starting to walk away to the kitchen. 

“What happened was-”

“A mistake. A fucking mistake.” 

When you turned, Benny was up too, standing a few feet closer to the kitchen entrance with his arms hanging loosely on his sides. The lack of answer made you shake your head, grabbing a glass bottle of water from the fridge and drinking a good amount. 

That made everything silent. With both hands on the kitchen’s sink, you closed your eyes and collected your thoughts. 

“I'm not naive to think she couldn't have been involved in this, but I'm not naive or stupid to absolve Nick of the shit he should be responsible for,” You glared at him, noticing his dry lips, the way he just blinked at you with a stern expression. With a tsk, you caught hold of a cup in the sink for him and poured some water in it, not daring to give, but letting it rest closer. 

He came, grabbed the cup. 

You could feel the effects of the marijuana, which were already weaker before, start to leave your system. You were sick, you made a face, but you swallowed your discomfort with more water. 

“I'm not Isla.”

It slipped out of your mouth like a slim and unstable thought, one that made him just nod, sipping on the water calmly while leaning on the sink beside you, eyeing the other side of the room. 

“Didn’t think you were.” 

“No?”

“Nn-nn.”

“So you didn’t investigate me?” 

You knew you had him cornered the moment you said it, but Benny didn't show any anger. He stayed quiet, sipped the rest of the water and stood in front of you, face to face, in such a firm way that you almost backed away if you weren't so irritated.

“If I were as much of a son of a bitch as you think I am, I would have let you finish what you started on that couch,” That made you avert your gaze, but he gently pushed your chin, bringing you to eye his face again. “I'm not Nick. Despite my inclinations, I didn’t ask you out in the first place to investigate you.”

“Right, so it was another thing you said was a bad idea to Nick?” 

“Yes, it was.” 

“Bullshit,” You scoffed, taking a step back. “So you’re that good of a person to get along with Nick’s shit and still be his moral compass? Gimme a break, Benny, I’m not that naive.”

Before he could answer, you kept going. 

“She's just a bargaining chip. She always was. And despite our visibly very different lives, I know what it's like to be used and then discarded as if you’re nothing, as if every promise was nothing more than a lie to achieve something very personal, something that never had to do with you,” You said. “I don't want you to come here and expect me to point fingers or accuse people. If it was Emma, ​​if it was Walsh, it doesn't make any difference if the person primarily responsible for this doesn't take the real blame.” 

“You know the world isn’t a fairytale, don't you?”

“I do! And Isla knows it too, better than anyone! This has nothing to do with an imaginary, but with commitment! When was the last time Nick used his badge for anything other than taking it out of his pocket while a whore gave him a blowjob?”

Nothing. Just silence. For a long, perceptive, heavy moment: silence. 

Benny shook his head in disbelief. 

“Emma received a letter of recommendation from the DEA forensic department,” He said in a low tone, catching you completely by surprise. That felt like a test, the way he observed your reaction with care, looking for an answer. When he found it, Benny nodded. “That's why I came here.”

“... What? I don’t understand.”

“I can't remember the last time I had five minutes of conversation with someone who had nothing to do with this shit. It takes me time to believe just as much as it does to you to know I tried to give him some sense, so if I’m here it's because I know you’re not involved and you need to know there’s people around you doing shit.” 

You could barely process the information, what that implied, because you had every right to disbelieve and have your doubts. There was a suspicious look on your face, he knew that because you didn't hide it, but he didn't take offense this time.

“Just stay away. Things are going to get fucked up,” He was definitive. “God knows I’ll have to be away as well.” 

****

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