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youare-mysonshine · 3 years

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heavy || bucky barnes

Summary: reader’s mental health has been taking a decline and bucky is there.

Requested: No

Pairing: TFATWS Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: talks of mental health, depression, anxiety, angst, cussing.

Word Count: 3.2K

A/N: Hey guys, I’m back I guess lmao. I’ve really been struggling with my mental health lately and I guess I kinda just wanted to put it into words, something productive? And I’ve been feeling our angsty emo boy bucky barnes. Most of you might’ve followed me for my Oscar fics but I kinda wanna branch out and I thought this would be a good time to do so. Anyways, I know that some of you have inboxed me or messaged me and I haven’t responded and I’m sorry. But I just want you all to know that if you’re struggling, I’m always here to talk. About anything, always. So, I hope you enjoy this. I might’ve cried while writing this lmao and I also might’ve ended it on such an awkward place but, i’m still getting used to writing again. (Flashbacks are in italics)

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Bucky didn’t miss the dark circles under your eyes. He didn’t miss the way you sort of slouched as you approached him. He didn’t miss the way that your smile didn’t really meet your eyes.

“Hey,” You said in a breathless voice. “Sorry, I’m late. I got held up.” You said as you took a seat across from him in the booth. Held up. It was better than telling him that you were thinking of just not showing up at all. In the end, you knew that you couldn’t do that. You couldn’t just blow off your new friend who you had so enjoyed spending time with. So, in a rush, you got dressed and made your way to the small, quiet diner that you two had taken to frequenting together. Bucky Barnes was an enigma if you’d ever met one. The way that you had met was rather.. cliche and something straight from a story.

You had been trying to lay off of the caffeine for a while, realizing that you had nearly gone through an entire packet of 32 k-pods that you had just purchased. You realized that you might’ve had a problem. You had been going pretty strong with staying away from caffeine for the time being, until you passed by a coffee shop and got a whiff of coffee. You just couldn’t help yourself; you bought a cup of coffee. It was when you were walking down the street, holding the cup of coffee in one hand, looking down, that you didn’t see someone walking right in your path. You had collided into what seemed like a solid wall and the impact had caused you to squeeze the cup of coffee in surprise, the warm liquid burning your hand, staining your clothes and the other person. You had realized it was another person you had crashed into when you heard them let out a low cuss.

Bucky’s grumpy self had been fully prepared to tell you off for crashing into him, having just left his therapist’s office, but when you looked up at him with those bright eyes of yours, a million apologies spilling from your lips a mile a minute, he swallowed whatever harsh words had nearly sprung forth. He had apologized as well; both of you had been at fault. Bucky had been going over his session with Dr. Raynor that morning, completely lost in his own mind, and you had your eyes trained on the ground, something that was a bad habit of yours. The shock of realizing you had bumped into a man, a really really handsome man with the brightest blue eyes you had ever seen, had made you temporarily forget that you had practically scorched your hand with the coffee, and that you had gotten it on him as well.

“I’m so, so sorry.” You said once again, quickly averting your eyes from the handsome stranger’s face. Instead you focused on the smushed cup in your hand and the stains on his leather jacket. It just made you feel even terrible. “I, I can pay for you to get your jacket cleaned, if you want. Really. I wasn’t paying attention and I just, for whatever reason, squished my cup and.. I’m sorry.” You said, kind of breathlessly.

“It’s.. it’s alright.” His voice was like the coffee that you had been drinking. Smooth and rich. It was deep, something that reverberated deep in your chest and had your stomach fluttering with butterflies. “I wasn’t paying attention either. Really, it’s fine. And don’t worry about my jacket. No harm, no foul.” He said. “You should, uh, you should take care of that hand. Hope you didn’t burn yourself too bad.” He gestured to your hand, still clutching the cup, with one of his own gloved hands.

“Oh, I’ll be fine. It wasn’t that hot. Thank you, though. And again, I’m really, really sorry.” Sparing one, seemingly, last glance at the handsome stranger, you side stepped him and began to walk away, tossing the empty cup of coffee in a trash can on the sidewalk. But you didn’t get very far because that deep voice called out to you, halting you in your tracks.

“Can I buy you another cup of coffee?” Bucky’s mouth had opened and spoken the words long before his brain could even catch up. He didn’t know why he had asked you that, but something in his gut was just telling him too.

“What?” A look of total bewilderment had crossed your face and he had seen it.

“I just, well I thought that, since I bumped into you, I could make it up to you by buying you a new cup of coffee. If you wanted, I mean. You don’t have to say yes if you don’t want to. I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable or anything.” Bucky clarified, hand stuffed in his pocket, waiting for your answer. For a few seconds, you simply stood there, unsure of what to say because surely this wasn’t happening? The last time that you had gone out with a guy was.. well, shit, you didn’t even remember the last time. The little voice in the back of your head, that anxious, paranoid little voice, was telling you not to go off with a stranger. You’d watched too many episodes of Criminal Minds and other true crime shows and documentaries to know that situations like this never turned out well. However, you didn’t get a bad feeling from this particular man. He seemed just as awkward and slightly frazzled as you felt. So you agreed.

“I’m Bucky, by the way.”

“Y/N.”

That had happened about two months ago. Ever since then, you and Bucky had formed a strong friendship. Your first time getting coffee with him had been awkward, as were the next few times that you had seen one another. But things got easier. Becoming friends was easy. You kind of fell into this routine, almost as if you two had known each other your whole lives. That was why Bucky telling you who he really was had been terrifying for him. He carried around guilt and shame and just contempt for everything he’d done. Everything The Winter Soldier represented, and when he told you, he figured that you would think the same. He had asked you meet him at the diner that had now become your spot and and you remember how he nervously wrung his gloved hands together. You remember when you asked him what was wrong and he didn’t verbally respond but he took off his gloves; the right one first and then the left, revealing a shiny black metal hand, golden lines intricately placed.

He told you then. Maybe he didn’t tell you everything but he told you who he was and he had braced himself for you to get up and storm out. Or, to yell at him and tell him how much of a monster he was. But, it never came. Instead, you reached out and placed your hand on top his. Not his real hand, but the metal one. You didn’t say anything. You just gave him that smile that was quickly becoming his favorite. Sometimes, silence spoke a thousand words. To Bucky, you had become kind of a respite for him. Even in the late nights or mornings when he woke up after a nightmare. Or after a particularly hard session with Dr. Raynor. He had closed himself off from other people except you.

Bucky might not have known it, but he gave you the same level of comfort as you gave him. You found yourself craving his presence. Every time you were around him, you couldn’t help but to smile or laugh. In the time that you spent together, your mind was clear and free from all your worries. It all evaporated into thin air. Your mind, usually so active with all sorts of thoughts and worries, could finally rest when you were with Bucky. You could sleep. You could get up in the morning without that stress and anxiety drowning you. It was okay. It was great.

Until it wasn’t.

“No problem, doll.” He said, gloved hands clasped under the table on his lap. “I already ordered. Got your usual. Hope that was alright.” He added, to which you nodded absentmindedly.

“Yeah, yeah. That’s fine. Thanks Buck.” You said, mustering up a half hearted smile that didn’t reach your eyes. It was like even smiling drained the energy from you. You were exhausted. Not even just physically but mentally and emotionally. You had been having such good days for a while now, since meeting Bucky. You felt like maybe you would finally be alright but.. this feeling of hopelessness, the feeling that nothing was quite right, it was heavy. It weighed you down. It suffocated you. You wanted to be alone, but you also couldn’t stand to be alone because when you were alone, you were just stuck in your head and being in your head was the absolute worst place to be.

The intrusive thoughts had started. They told you that you would do nothing but weigh Bucky down. That he didn’t need someone like you in his life, someone with clear problems of their own, when he was going to therapy trying to better himself. Even if it had been mandatory for him to go. You wanted to push him away, save him from yourself, but you also couldn’t stand the thought of losing him.

Bucky noticed the shift in you. Normally when you two met up, whether it was at the diner or anywhere else, you would usually talk his ear off. Not that he minded, he was content to just sit back and listen to you. Sometimes, you’d tell him about a new book that you had started reading. You had just started reading the fifth Harry Potter book and you were trying to get him to read them. You’d tell him about your day. You’d ask him how his day went, how it went with Dr. Raynor, though you never pushed for more information. You always let him share if he was comfortable with it and he appreciated that. Sometimes you teased him for being such an old man.

The food came soon after you had arrived and sure enough, Bucky had ordered your usual. It sent a pang through your heart when you realized that he had memorized your order, down to the extra syrup and whipped cream on the pancakes. Bucky always liked to make fun of you for ordering the same thing when you came to the diner. No matter what time it was, you always ordered the pancakes with extra syrup and extra whip cream, with the strawberries on the side. Secretly, though he found it adorable.

Today, you had barely even taken more than a few bites and that was what really let Bucky know that something wasn’t right. You kept your head down, eyes on the pancakes and you cut them up, bringing a few up to your mouth and chewing slowly, but you mostly just moved them around your plate with the fork in your hand. Bucky himself had barely taken only a few bites of the food he’d ordered for himself, but it wasn’t for lack of appetite, it was because of the growing concern. His bright blue eyes were now a stormy grey, kind of like the clouds that you see during a heavy storm. His brows were furrowed, giving him an appearance almost as if he were angry.

“You alright, Y/N? You’ve barely eaten your food and normally you finish before I do.” He attempted to joke, to bring about that smile that seemed to always fill him with warmth. He half expected you to look up at him with that cheeky little smile, a mischievous look in your eyes and say “You know, I would be offended by that, but I know why you eat so slow, Buck. I completely understand. You don’t want your dentures to fall out.” But it never came.

You don’t know what it was. Bucky asking you if you were alright or if it was simply all the pressure of just.. everything, finally breaking, but you could feel the hot tears in your eyes. They blurred your vision until you couldn’t really see the plate of the pancakes in focus. The dam had finally come apart and you couldn’t hold it in anymore. You set the fork down and buried your face in your hands, your shoulders lightly shaking as you began to cry. All Bucky could do was stare for a few seconds, alarm written all over his face. Alarm and distress because he had no idea what just happened and if he had done something to upset you.

“Woah woah, hey. Sweetheart, hey. What’s wrong?” In seconds, Bucky was out of his side of the booth and scooting in beside you. You felt the comfort of his warmth, you felt his arm tentatively, almost hesitantly, slide around your shoulders and anchor you to him. You shook your head, attempting to calm down, to stop the tears but the more you tried, the more they seemed to come.

“I-I’m sorry, Bucky.. I.. I’m sorry.. I-I’m fine. Really.” You said, sniffling. It was apparent to you both that you were not alright and he really just wanted to get to the bottom of it. Or at least attempt to comfort you. But doing that in the middle of a diner with other people around wasn’t ideal.

“Hey, my apartment is only a short walk away. Come on, let’s get you out of here and somewhere more quiet.” You didn’t protest. You just nodded and slid out of the booth after he did. Bucky took out his wallet and placed a few bills on the table, paying for the uneaten food, and then quickly led you out of the establishment. He kept his hand on you, almost like an anchor. Whether it was to reassure you or himself, he didn’t know and you didn’t mind either. It was probably the only thing that kept you from retreating inside of your mind and giving in to the panic that so desperately wanted out.

You didn’t even realize that you had reached his apartment until he had led you up the stairs and you were standing behind him as he unlocked the door. He allowed you to step in first and then quickly followed behind you, shutting the door as he did so. You didn’t really get the chance to take in his apartment because he had ushered you to sit on his couch while he knelt in front of you.

“Alright, you’re scarin’ me here, doll. What’s wrong? Did someone hurt you?” The sheer look of concern and slight panic in his face and those pretty eyes of his made the waterworks come back again. You shook your head, your face scrunched up in anguish. Hot bullet tears fell from your eyes and left a wet path in their wake down your cheeks. Bucky wasn’t one to pry; he hated it when people tried to pry into his life and he didn’t do it to you, but he couldn’t stand the sight of seeing you cry. He couldn’t stand the sight of your once bright eyes and cheery smile just.. gone. You eyes were sad and your lips were pulled into a frown. “Talk to me, baby.” He practically pleaded.

“I just.. I don’t.. I don’t know how to explain it, Buck.” You cried. “I-I.. I just feel like..” You let out a frustrated cry when you couldn’t find the right words but Bucky was patient. He reached a hand up, cupping your cheek and wiping away the tears that kept falling. “I don’t feel.. happy. Everyday I wake up and I just, I feel fine for like a few seconds and then everything just comes crashing down on me. I can’t ever stop thinking. I can’t sleep at night. I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling like this, Bucky. And I feel fucking crazy. Sometimes I feel like you don’t even really like me. I feel.. hopeless, like nothing is ever going to be okay. I might feel okay for a few seconds but then it just goes away.” You explained, though you were sure that you probably sounded like a raving and ranting lunatic. “Before I met you, I liked being alone but I also hated it because when I was alone, I would just overthink and overthink and overthink about every fucking thing. If it wasn’t one thing it was another just giving me such bad anxiety and.. I don’t know what to do anymore, Bucky. I’m just tired of feeling like this. Feeling like nothing is ever going to be okay, like I’m never going to be okay. I just feel.. alone.”

His heart was well and truly broken. In the two months that he’d known you, he hadn’t known how badly you had struggled with your mental health. He hadn’t known the war that you fought within your mind, and how bad it had become. You were such saving grace for Bucky; you saved him from the wars inside of his mind. The constant feeling of guilt that he fought with on a daily basis, and now.. he just wanted to do the same for you. He wanted to shoulder some of the pain that you carried, the pain that seemed to be weighing you down. Both of his hands now cupped your cheeks so delicately, as if you were the most precious thing in the world to him. His blue eyes were shining, looking at you with not pity, but something like.. understanding. If anyone knew what you were feeling, it was Bucky.

“You’re not alone.” His smooth and rich voice was so soft, so gentle that it brought on a new set of tears. “You’re not alone, sweetheart. Not anymore. You know why? Cause you got me.” He said. “I know what it’s like to feel hopeless. To feel stuck in your head. To feel like nothing is ever gonna get better. I felt like that in Wakanda. Sometimes.. sometimes, we need help. And I know I’m not one to be talking considering that I don’t really like talking to my therapist or even going,” That roused the smallest of smiles from you. “I’m here. You know that, right? I’m here. You got me and I’m not going anywhere. I promise. I don’t care if you have a million bad days. I don’t care if you feel like you’re bothering me. I’ll be there every time.” You two have gradually gravitated close to one another until your foreheads were pressed together. Bucky was still knelt in front of you on the couch, his hands still holding your cheeks. Your eyes were closed and you could feel his warm breath fanning your face. The tears had stopped falling but you were still sniffling softly. “You’ve helped me. Even if you don’t know it. You’ve helped me.” He was whispering. There was no one but you two in his apartment but he was still whispering the words meant for only you to hear. “Now, let me help you. Please.”

“Okay. I trust you, Bucky.”

#bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky fic #james buchanan barnes #sebastian stan #tfatws #mcu #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff

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hockeywhy · 4 years

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caught in the middle (1); m. barzal

SYNOPSIS: For the sake of your friend’s wedding with Tito, you and Mat agree to maintain the facade of still being the happy couple everyone sees you as. But the act comes with its consequences, one more taxing than the other. WARNINGS: language. WORD COUNT: 11.2k A/N: I am so excited for this because it contains some of the tropes I enjoy seeing in fics, and I was dying to also put out some new content as opposed to only reposting my old writing. I wish I wrote this when I was still decent at doing the thing, but I hope that this is still an enjoyable read that makes you look forward to the next part! Title is based off Alexander 23′s Caught in the Middle which is such a good song and I really recommend. Sections in italics represent flashbacks.

PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4

“We’re getting married!”

You gasped, bringing both hands to cover the lower half of your face as your jaw dropped at the announcement. It shouldn’t be so surprising – you would’ve bet even your most prized possession that this was bound to happen at some point eventually – but knowing this was actually now a sure thing sent a thrill through you. It didn’t take long for the shock to wear off and in place of it, your expression mirrored that of your best friend’s: the wide grin, the bright eyes and of course, the giggles of sheer excitement as soon as the news sunk in. Elise was glowing and next to her, Tito embodied the idea of what the world’s proudest man would look like.

“Oh my god!” you gasped, and Elise burst into laughter, not hesitating to jump out of her seat at the same time you did so that the two of you could embrace. Among your squeals and giggles, you could faintly make out the sound of hands being clapped, then caught sight of Mat and Tito hugging. Over Elise’s shoulder and over Tito’s, you and Mat exchanged smiles and you couldn’t help the chuckle that left your mouth as soon as he winked at you. “Congratulations!” you said as soon as you broke apart, though the two of you still held hands. Immediately, your gaze fell down to her hand where a ring now rested, and you couldn’t help but wonder how you hadn’t taken notice of it earlier. “Just—when? How? Where? Who else knows?”

“We don’t have a date or venue set yet, but we wanted you and Mat to be the first to know,” Elise informed you as soon as you took your seats again.

“We have a favour to ask from both of you,” Tito supplied. As soon as he said it, you felt Mat’s hand wrap around your own and the two of you exchanged a brief look during which he squeezed your hand gently, before diverting your attentions back to the soon-to-be newlyweds.

Newlyweds. The immensity of the word sent a discrete shiver down your spine.

“I can’t imagine asking this of anyone else: I want you to be my best man,” Tito directed at Mat.

“You shouldn’t even think of asking this of anyone else,” Mat responded immediately, and the two shook hands on it. You couldn’t help but think that if they weren’t as comfortable as they were now, they’d probably hug again, do their typical pats on the back or fist bump as they usually did, but Elise’s head now rested on Tito’s shoulder and Mat’s hand was so warm, so firm atop your own.

“Be my maid of honour, please?” Elise asked. “I can’t think of anyone more suitable than you and Mat as best man and maid of honour. We’ll return the favour of course,” she added playfully.

“I’ll hold you to that,” you warned without hesitating because after all, you had no reason to – and you knew Mat would agree with you.

Although the two of you hadn’t touched on the subject yet, there was an unvoiced knowledge shared between you that eventually, this would also be you. Eventually, Mat would ask you and your heart would grow and your soul would warm, and you would say yes. Yes, yes, yes.

As you all settled down to hear a replay of how Tito popped the question and Elise accepted the ring, Mat’s thumb began caressing the back of your hand. Though the gesture wasn’t a novelty, you couldn’t help but take notice of the way your heart fluttered each time he seemed to linger more on your ring finger. It wasn’t difficult to imagine a ring wrapped around it but neither of you were in a rush: you simply waited for the right time to take your relationship to a point in which it would become a forever thing, fully confident it wasn’t a question of ‘if’ but rather, ‘when’.

This was anything but the right time.

You frown as you cast a glance down at the phone resting on your lap, eyes narrowing a little at the name which brought the display to life for the second time in the space of less than a minute. You click the side button twice, silencing the vibrations of it and from your side, your colleague leans in to whisper to you.

“You can take it if it’s urgent. I’ll fill you in afterwards.”

“Thanks,” you whisper back. “I think it can wait until the meeting wraps up though.”

Luke gives you a well, if you’re sure look as he leaned back in his chair and you flash him a grateful smile.

Still, it is difficult for you to settle comfortably in your seat again and much to your chagrin, you find yourself crossing and uncrossing your legs as if the call had sent some sort of signal to your entire body kickstarting jitteriness you can honestly do without. Not long after you find some comfort and energy to draw yourself back to the present, your phone buzzes again – only once this time, indicating a message.

I’m waiting for you in the lobby.

Fuck, you curse inwardly, locking the phone in frustration. As quietly as you can, you gather your notebook and work tablet then lean in towards Luke who met you halfway. “Have to run but let me know if I miss anything important.”

“At the current rate, I wouldn’t count much on it but will do anyway,” he states as quietly as he can and the two of you exchange sly, conspiratorial smiles before you excuse yourself quickly and very quietly while making a swift exit.

Internally, a string of curses follow without a break in between, and you have to physically bite down on your lip out of sheer fear one might unconsciously slip out. If anyone would be in your shoes, though, they wouldn’t blame you for it. You are the type of person to stick closely to any plans and agreements made, so the fact that he just chose to turn up so unexpectedly doesn’t sit right with you. Not anymore, that is. Besides, you had both agreed to do this after your workday ended as opposed to midday and definitely not in this place. Now, you have to brace yourself for coping with a foul mood on top of whatever else the rest of the day would throw at you.

“You’ve got a visitor,” Rachel announces quietly in a sing-song voice from behind the reception desk as you approach. She doesn’t bother masking the giddiness in her tone and you struggle to work up as genuine of a smile as you can when she nods her head towards the waiting area.

“Thanks, Rach.”

“Bet he must be so happy your redeployment to the Baltimore offices was cut short so quickly,” she coos.

“Sure is. We’re still on for tonight?” you ask quickly in an attempt to drive attention away from the subject before she can try to lead into it too far for your own comfort at the moment.

Rachel’s smile falters a little, her expression somewhat quizzical. “Don’t you want to postpone so you could spend some time with him? You only just got back yesterday, after all.”

You swallow uncomfortably before shrugging. “We’ve got plenty of time to do that. So tonight, okay? I’ll catch you later.”

“Your call. See you then, Y/N!”

You only had just a split second to brace yourself for what is ahead of you, so you draw in a breath then slowly exhale it as discreetly as you can while cutting your way across the lobby. Since agreeing to this meeting, you prepared yourself as best as you could, imagining every single scenario and devising the appropriate plan for it: from the way you presented yourself to what you said, you had a mental plan for everything including a few backups just in case. The only thing you hadn’t factored in, apparently, was how little was under your control and you hated that. Each step you take made you feel less and less prepared for what is ahead, and the thought rattles you. If you were swift enough on your feet, you could just about make a quick turn and dip into the hallway leading to the visitor restrooms. All you need is just a few more seconds. A little alone time for you to run over your lines in your head.

Except—

Mat looks up at the same time you take a step sideways, ready to bolt towards temporary safety. His eyebrows rise a little as if surprised by the sight of you, but you refuse to appear outwardly deflated by the turn of events. Instead, you square your shoulders, tip your head back a little and arch an eyebrow. You can do this. You note he is dressed casually, and his hair is pushed back underneath a black cap.

Unless there was a change in schedule, Thursdays were scrimmage days.

Your jaw clenches ever so slightly as you recall that with so much ease. Then again, you basically built up a collection of information that was practically helpful or useful to exactly no one over the course of the past few years. It’ll probably take just as much or maybe more to replace that with something different, so you try cutting yourself some slack whenever you are willing to.

“I thought we agreed on five thirty,” you state coolly, pitching your voice at just the right tone to also express surprise.

Mat pushes up from the armchair, returning whatever magazine he’d picked up back on the nearby glass table. “Sorry, I tried calling earlier this morning to ask if we can reschedule but it went straight to voicemail.”

Oh. You mentally curse yourself for not charging your phone as soon as you made it home from the airport the previous night or bothering to check the voicemail message you’d been notified of once it did begin charging earlier this morning at your desk.

“They rescheduled the viewing of the new arena for this evening, and I was in the area, so I thought I’ll drop by just in case,” Mat continues, throwing a cursory glance around the place though to you, it seemed more like a way of having a break from the eye contact. You don’t complain; you welcome that.

You open your mouth, ready to berate his poor timing but even you could admit you carry some fault here too. Only a little. You bite down lightly on the tip of your tongue, before nodding towards the seats though you didn’t wait for Mat; you sit, deciding he could make up his own mind if he wanted to follow or not.

“How was Baltimore?” he asks after a few moments of awkward silence while settling in the same armchair he previously occupied.

“Mat,” you say, hoping it comes across as more of a warning than a plea. You can’t deal with small talk and a part of you thinks that’d make the entire deal even more difficult to go through with. He presses his lips together into a thin line and you take that as your sign to continue. “Elise told me she’d like us to be at the venue a day in advance of the rehearsal dinner if we can. I’ve already arranged my leave for that, so it’s not a problem for me. I’m planning on making my way there sometime tomorrow afternoon.”

“We can go together then. I can pick you up after work.”

“There’s no need—”

“Y/N.” The sharpness of his tone catches you off guard and you can swear Mat was equally surprised by that, though only for the briefest of moments. He slides forward a little in the seat almost as if he is more than ready to leave but Mat has never been one to back down so easily and you doubt any of that changed during the course of the past three months or so. “You were the one who insisted we go through with this and I’m trying. I really am, but you’re not giving me anything to work with. So please. Let’s just put everything to the side, do what we need to do and then it’s done.”

Done. Like it is a task, like it is something you needed to cross off a to-do list, scrunch it up then trash it.

The finality of the word is so heavy that it feels as if it had managed to knock out all the air in your lungs. You and Mat were running headfirst towards a fork in the road, and deep down you knew that was truly it. If until now the two of you have been dancing around each other, playing pretend as if you were kids living in a world of fantasy, you know that eventually, you have to let light shine on the truth: whatever lay ahead, you and Mat could no longer walk the same paths. It is just a matter of admitting it not only to yourselves, but also to the people you were lying to.

Lying for, you prefer.

Defeated, you slump in your own seat a little, legs crossing and fingers tapping lightly against the back of your notebook. “Be at my place by two. I’ll have everything that I need ready the night before so we won’t need to wait around.” A pause, and then, “how’s Tito?”

Mat lifts a shoulder in a casual shrug. “Excited. Nervous. It’s the only thing he talks about in the locker, outside of it, on ice and off ice. How’s Elise?”

“Same deal with her. I never knew there were so many shades of blue before, but I’ve been proven wrong before.”

A pause follows that could easily be attributed to the group of people rushing into the building and allowing noise from the street outside to filter in while the doors were kept open, but you can tell there is more to it than that if you are to go by the shift in Mat’s expression. His expression changes and you find you can’t quite read into it or guess what could be going on through his head. You try not to focus much on the little voice inside your mind that was bothered by it but find it takes a considerable amount of effort to do so. Force of habit, you conclude.

“You don’t say,” Mat finally responds. There is a hint of accusation in his tone. Or regret. Maybe both.

Your lips press together firmly, a light frown forming on your face but chose to let that slide. Not only is the lobby of your workplace the least suitable place to have an argument about the two of you, but you find that even those short moments of seeing Mat face to face months after you called it quits appears to take a toll on you. You feel tired, worn out and willing to be the first one to back down for once.

It is cruel irony that a big red neon EXIT sign is visible from the corner of your eye.

You release a quiet, long sigh then stand up from the seat. “Well, I guess we’re done here? I do have another meeting to prepare for, so…” You trail off, already backing away a few steps.

Mat opens his mouth as if ready to say something else but promptly presses his lips together, deciding against it. He gives a swift nod of his head then stands up. It’s then you notice the two Styrofoam cups in front of him and the neon EXIT sign imprinted in your mind starts flashing temptingly at you. Mat is a step ahead. He holds out one of the cups towards you and you are ready to tell him off for it, but he cut in.

“Thought I wouldn’t drop by empty handed.” When you don’t make a move to accept it, his eyes briefly peek behind you. “Rachel’s all eyes this way, by the way,” he informs you and a brief glance over your shoulder confirms Mat hasn’t been lying.

As soon as you turn to look towards the reception desk, Rachel grins, waves quickly at you then turns back to her computer screen. Begrudgingly, you accept the cup of coffee and force a tight smile.

“See you soon,” you say by way of greeting and didn’t wait to hear a response from Mat.

It isn’t until you scan your pass to cross the security barriers and make a turn out of sight that you take a sip from the drink and almost immediately wish you didn’t. It’s your order to a T. The two of you even brought a coffee machine that would let you replicate it on days when you didn’t feel like leaving the comforts of your apartment, especially days when Mat didn’t need to get up early for practices or scrimmages or evening games. It stayed with Mat when you left and the memory left a bitter taste in your mouth, despite the gentle sweetness of the beverage.

Without thinking twice, you throw the cup in the nearest trash can.

As soon as your order is set on the table, you ignore the basket of fries and reach straight for your glass to take a long sip from the straw, letting out a content sigh as soon as you felt satiated enough.

“Long day,” you state in response to Rachel’s raised eyebrows but she seems to accept that by raising her own glass. You clink yours against hers, take a smaller sip then set it back down on the table. “What time do you think you’ll make it over to the hotel?”

“Well, I was thinking of trying to get there by midday on the day of the rehearsal dinner but it’s starting to look more like late afternoon. I’m…” She trails off, and you can just about pick up on her hesitation and the way her gaze shifts over to the side momentarily as if avoiding something or considering whether to continue that. You move in your seat, peeling your back away from the plush backrest to lean in a little closer.

“You’re…” you trail off, voice peaking just a little into a question in an attempt to prompt her to continue.

Rachel takes a deep breath in, shoulders visibly drooping and when she looked back at you, she did so with a look that could only reflect…shame? Embarrassment?

“Luke and I are sort of thinking of coming along together.” At the sight of your widened eyes, she quickly adds, “just as friends! We’re still working out through a few things and we’re taking it slow. As in, much, much slower than the first time around.”

“No way! That’s… Rach, that’s so good. I’m happy for you both, seriously.”

You find that you truly believed that, though it wasn’t a surprise to you. You had introduced Rachel to Luke while she visited you in Baltimore and at the time, he worked with you there also. Initially, you didn’t think much of it - you simply invited her to come along to a few after work drinks and the two kicked it off easily that night. Very easily apparently, because as the night started coming to an end, Rachel prompted you to go ahead without her. Ready to say you weren’t going to leave her own her own, you shortly found out exactly why: you watched with plenty of amusement and fascination as she and Luke climbed into a taxi together and whizzed off to his place, undoubtedly. That was pretty much their start and continuation. Her visits to Baltimore were more frequent and though you were seeing her often enough, it definitely wasn’t as much as Luke saw of her. And you were fine with that. They fit almost perfectly and it only took a few more meetings for them to label themselves as a couple.

Things began crumbling as soon as Luke had moved to the New York office just a few weeks before your own return. While he seemed fine with the idea of Rachel working in the same place, that wasn’t also her take on things.

“It’s weird,” she told you through the phone. “It just… It’s so weird. I’d be seeing him at my place or his and in the office? No thanks. That’s way too much for me, you know?”

It made sense, of course, and though you rooted for them, you didn’t want to push her into something she wasn’t comfortable with. Yet, there was a tremble to her voice, a sort of uncertainty that made you think otherwise. It wasn’t that Rachel didn’t have any feelings for him - maybe she was simply shocked to see him walk through those glass doors one morning to pick up his brand new ID and claim what would soon become his permanent desk across from yours.

“Thanks,” she tells you, pulling you back into the present. “But like I said, slow and easy does it. We’ve been talking more and that makes a huge difference.”

“For sure. If communication isn’t the backbone of a relationship, I don’t know what is,” you agree and wasn’t that ironic? You’re hardly in the position of giving any relationship advice at all or saying what is good for one and what isn’t. Not anymore. Not when your own had fallen apart.

Rachel grins. “You’d know. You and Mat have been together for… how long now?”

You should’ve seen it coming a mile away. You swallow uncomfortably, take another sip of your drink and take a few fries just to buy yourself a little more time. “Maybe four years? Don’t really keep track of that anymore,” you said as casually as you could muster, lifting your shoulders in a shrug.

“I think I’d stop doing that eventually too at the rate you two are going. Honestly, I would’ve bet anything you would’ve been the first to tie the knot. Actually, thinking about it,” she says, clicking her fingers in recollection, “Elise said the same thing to me the other day when we caught up on the phone. She went—“

You don’t really register her words. There is a low ringing in your ears and an uncomfortable draft sweeps in the locale as the entrance door somewhere behind you is being kept open, no doubt a large group making their way in; it sends shivers down your body, but really, you are pretty sure you can’t only attribute them to a brief gust of wind. After all, your sweater is keeping you sufficiently cosy and warm. In front of you, Rachel continues praising your relationship with Mat, talking about how anyone took a look at you both and would say, whatever they have going, I want it too and you are trying so, so hard to block out as much as you can of it. You can stop her, of course; distract her with whatever random topic and you know she’d go with it but your jaw is locked in place, teeth clenched uncomfortably. You blame that and the way your nails dig into the palms of your hands on the sting behind your eyes and the sudden heaviness weighting down on your chest.

It isn’t so much the pain of your relationship ending that was rendering you in a state of daze, but the shame of what you and Mat agreed to do: pretend the two of you were still the happy couple Elise, Tito and everyone else thought of you as just to not spoil whatever luck they thought you’d be passing on to them by being their main witnesses. And then, once the event passes and they would return to New York from the honeymoon you and Mat would soon gift to them on their wedding day, you’d tell them the truth. Or part of it anyway. Definitely no mentions that the two of you were childish enough to play pretend; just a simple, clean break timed just perfectly with your request to be permanently redeployed elsewhere. Preferably, as far from New York City as possible so that you no longer have to walk the streets you once both did or yearn to once again visit that perfect pie place the two of you once dubbed your own.

“We’re not together anymore.”

The words stumble out of your mouth in a desperate now or never manner. Despite the anxiousness that came with the act, you find relief in it also. It feels freeing to be able to admit the truth to someone that isn’t only yourself though perhaps you should’ve thought of this more carefully: the idea of now needing to come fully clean to Rachel is somewhat daunting, mostly because of what she might say in response to the front you and Mat are trying to uphold. But for the first time in what feels like too long, you no longer feel like a fraud; like a person lying to everyone around them.

“Wait.” Rachel frowns, and it was obvious she doesn’t quite know what to do with that information or how to best process it. Her head tilts a little, palm idly rubbing against the side of her neck so you take the initiative to come across as unbothered by this as possible by leaning into the seat, legs crossing as you fiddled with the drink’s straw. “What? I’m confused. Didn’t Mat just drop by earlier? You two seemed okay. He was…fine when he came in. We didn’t talk much, sure, but he was all smiley and just…normal.”

You laugh quietly and shortly. “It’s been a while now. Maybe two or three weeks before I left for Baltimore, I think. It’d be pretty worrying if he was still hung up about it. After all, we both agreed on it. And this,” you add, a little more disheartened and embarrassed. “This…thing we’re doing. We promised Tito and Elise we’ll be there for them on their big day and we will. But they had this… I guess, idea of us being an ideal couple. Whatever that is,” you continue more quietly and with a roll of your eyes. “He wanted to tell Tito, but I didn’t want to spoil Elise’s day, you know? So he agreed. Took some convincing because it feels so… Gosh, it sounds so stupid, doesn’t it? Pretending we’re still together just to spread some fake cheer around.”

“Oh, honey…” Rachel whispers and you read the sympathy in her voice. Not that she makes it particularly difficult to take note of. “But… I thought everything was okay. Actually, way more than okay. Perfect, even. What…uh—“ She trailed off awkwardly, but you could easily fill in that gap.

What happened?

You bring the beverage to your mouth, this time drinking from the glass directly as opposed to using the straw. The mixer stings your throat this time around but the small ice cube you take into your mouth numbs it away pretty quickly. Slowly, you chew it to small pieces and speak only when you finish it.

“I thought long and hard about this the first few weeks after we called it quits,” you admit. “We always talked about what bothered us or if there was something on our mind, but at one point we just… We stopped wanting to compromise. When I was put forward for Baltimore, it was going to be a permanent thing. Mat was happy, sure, but I could tell he wasn’t being entirely honest with me, you know? When I called him out on it, he asked me well what about us? And I said we’d be fine. Baltimore isn’t a different continent. It’s not even a different timezone. He could come over when he had free time and if he didn’t, I’d always spend weekends in New York anyway. It’s Baltimore, Rach. Not fucking San Francisco or whatever. Eventually, he told me exactly what was on his mind: he couldn’t do long distance. Not even for a short period of time while I figured out if Baltimore is really what I wanted. Isn’t it a bit hypocritical, though?” You question, but it’s clear Rachel feels a bit awkward about giving her take on it right now, so you make it easier for her by responding to your own question. “I felt lonely too when he was on the road. I was worried he’d find someone different, someone much better while away. He never gave me a reason to doubt him, but a small part of me still thought what if. This happened right before he was on the road again, actually. We didn’t call, barely even texted those weeks and then when he returned, we decided it’d be best to break up. Didn’t take us a long discussion to get to that conclusion because at that point, it just… I don’t know. It felt like we didn’t have much to say to each other.”

Rachel presses her lips together, the frown still on her face and hesitantly, she asks, “who said it first?”

“I did,” you respond without hesitating. “He wanted a break while we work it all out but come on, Rach, a break? Look me in the eyes and tell me people really believe in breaks and they come back to each other as if nothing happened.”

“I mean…” she trails off, pointing at herself by way of explanation. “Look at me and Luke, I guess.”

You shake your head. “Nope. Not the same thing, trust me. This was for the best, Rach. It’s much neater to call it quits. That way, neither of us will feel obliged to hold back if life puts something different ahead of us.” You pause for a moment, teeth biting into your lower lip. “They said they’ll always have me back there if I decide on it, so who knows. Once I wrap up the project their called me back for, I might just take them up on it. Not quite a promotion, but it’ll be a good sidestep and maybe a change of scenery is what I need.”

“And do you think it’s good? What the two of you are doing right now?” Rachel questions, not at all deterred by your weak attempt at trying to divert conversation to a more work related topic. “And I don’t mean it just for Elise and Tito’s wedding, but for you and Mat generally speaking. I mean… the two of you have been together for a pretty long time. Doesn’t it… Isn’t it odd?”

“It’s not normal, that’s for sure,” you confirm. “But it’d be weirder for everyone if we were to tell them we’re no longer together given we’ve been asked to do what we need to do. Rach, promise me this stays between us, okay? Promise. I know how it sounds, I know how it’ll look but trust me on this, okay?”

She fixes you with a sceptical stare, a look that holds yet more questions than certainty but eventually, she nods her head and relief washes over you at the gesture. “I’m sorry it happened, Y/N,” she offers, voice warm and sympathetic as she places a hand on the table palm up. “And I’m sorry you went through it alone.”

You smile softly and reach for it, returning the squeeze she gives you. There is comfort in the gesture, comfort in her words and you find yourself rooting for it, so grateful to have received it. “The worst part is over, but thank you, Rachel. “It means a lot.”

“Feel like carpooling with Luke and I?”

“I’m good,” you assure as you both relax back into your seats. “Elise wants us there the day before the rehearsal. I guess just to have some familiar faces around that aren’t just wedding planners, so Mat and I agreed to go together tomorrow. Promise I won’t lose my shit if our song plays on the radio,” you add jokingly and find yourself laughing along with Rachel.

“What song’s that?”

Too many, you think, although one in particular stands out to you. “Brett Young’s In Case You Didn’t Know.”

A tray containing an assortment of dishes is set on the table and shortly after, an ice cold pitch of sangria accompanies that. Eager to cool down, you reach for one of the empty glasses to pour yourself a drink but Mat’s quicker. He takes them both, filling your glass first before his own. You laugh to yourself and Mat grins at that, briefly looking towards you as he fills his glass. You’re about to take a sip, eager to both quench your thirst and cool down but Mat takes the initiative of initiating a toast by raising his glass a little, elbow resting on the table.

“What’re we toasting for tonight?” You ask, imitating his pose by leaning forward a little. “To our first holiday together? To how perfect the weather’s been so far? To how I mastered paddle boarding way before you did?”

Mat laughs, lowering his head as he did so but when he looked back up at you, he clinked his glass against yours and held it there. “To all of that. To one of the many, many holidays we’ll have together. To this moment right here, to us, to you.” He pauses and the strobe lights of the bar switch from dark blue to hot pink, and the way Mat stares at you in this moment makes your heart race inexplicably. “To how much I love you.”

He takes your breath away. Draws it right out of your lungs and you feel heady. It’s the first summer with Mat, the first I love you from him and it suddenly feels as if this bar is too small for the both of you. You love him, and he loves you too and the only thing you could imagine doing is jumping in his arms but there’s a table between you and sangria topped wine glasses in your hands, and he’s wearing a pristine white shirt that looks incredible against his tanned skinned and there’s a lot of people around (the majority significantly older than both your age and Mat’s combined) so you simply grin and carefully lean forward more, pressing a kiss to his mouth.

“I love you,” you murmur against his lips and even if your voice is low compared to the loud, cheesy country music blasting through hidden stereos, you know Mat catches on to that.

“I love you,” he says right back and before you pull away, he bumps his nose against yours gently, making you giggle.

You both take a sip of your drinks and you smack your lips together, content with the turn of the night.

You and Mat had been dating for a few months, but this was the first time the two of you will spend back to back nights and days together without needing to rush somewhere. Of course, a part of you was anxious about it - while it was easy to spend a few hours together now and then, maybe even the odd night together, it was entirely different being together pretty much all the time. There were habits and quirks you each had that might get in the way, but your worries were soon put to rest. You and Mat had wonderful chemistry together, easily able to spend your time together but also still enjoy each other’s company while doing separate activities. You didn’t want to rush into things and you made no move to do so, but it was ever so easy to imagine what living with Mat would be like. And sure, you were well aware of the fact that it wouldn’t always be sunshine and rainbows; the two of you would eventually transition out of this honeymoon-type period of your relationship, but something told you life would Mat would never bore you. It’d never make you wish for anything different.

“Give me a second,” Mat says and before you could ask him what he meant, he’s out of his seat and you follow him across the bar, a little confused.

He makes his way past the bar, past the pool tables and stops in front of what is undoubtedly a jukebox. Curious, you arch an eyebrow and watch as he fiddles with finding the right amount of change before inserting the coins in the slot. It takes him a while before he finds whatever song it is he wants and it takes enough time for him to make it back to your table before the jukebox and sound system registers the request. You don’t recognise the first few notes at all, much less the accompanying guitar strings but you don’t have time to search your memory for a title.

Mat stops by your side, holding a hand out to you. “Dance with me.” It’s more statement than question and under any circumstances, you may have felt a little awkward about doing this, but it’s the heat of the moment and your giddiness that pushes you to your feet, hand in Mat’s.

The two of you are beaten to an emptier area in the establishment by two other much older couples that were closer to it anyway, and you find that gives you a bit more of a boost also. Mat pulls you to him, wrapping one arm around your waist while holding on to your free hand while you hold on to his shoulder with the other. Your fingers lightly clench and unclench the soft material of his shirt, lowering your head a little and you smile against the back of your hand. It’s so painfully cheesy and there’s nowhere near enough other people dancing along to the song but you love it much more than you thought you ever would.

“Know what I’d invest all my money into?” He asks you suddenly.

You pull back a little, still swaying along with the song. “Cryptocurrency seems like a safe bet right now.”

Mat laughs, that big hearty laugh of his that makes your smile wider and when it passes, he presses a chaste kiss on your forehead. “Well, I’m glad one of us has a good head on their shoulders, but no.” He shakes his head, then laughs again, shorter and quieter as if recalling your response. “A time machine. I want to stop time right here and right now so that we can be as we are for a little while longer.”

“Cheesy,” you joke, despite the warmth coursing across your entire body and the jelly-like feeling forming in your knees. “But perfectly understandable.”

“Eventually, we wouldn’t need it, but it’d be nice to have one for tonight.”

“Eventually? How so?” You question, then narrow your eyes a little, the gesture playful. “You plan on getting bored of me and breaking up?”

“What!” He exclaims and pulls you in just that much closer. He lets go of your hand only so he could bring his to your chin, tipping your head back a little. “Never,” kiss, “say that,” kiss, “again.” The final kiss you share with him is a little longer and you take the liberty of bringing your hand to his chest, palm pressing against it to feel the thump of his heart against his ribcage momentarily. Then, slowly, you graze the tips of your nails along his exposed collarbone and peck his lips once more before pulling away. It’s then that the song’s name and artist comes to your mind, almost as an afterthought. From hidden speakers, Brett Young declares I couldn’t live life without you and Mat gives you a pointed stare. “Damn, he said it before I could.”

“It’s the thought that counts,” you assure him. “Either way, I think I prefer hearing it from you, Barzal.”

“I’m pretty sure I couldn’t live without you,” he recites and wraps his arms around you, pulling you into a hug. He sways you both in a more exaggerated manner that makes you cling to him more out of habit than necessity. You’ve known you’d trust Mat with anything, but each day, he seems to do something that makes that thought solidify more and more in your mind. The comfort and safety that brings wraps around you like a warm blanket.

Be it the hot weather, the somewhat stifling interior of the bar, the sips of sangria on an empty stomach, the euphoria of the moment or all things combined, you nod quickly. And from somewhere in the depths of your mind, the very bottom of your heart, you respond with, “I can get used to this day after day. So don’t let me go, baby.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he whispers, tone full of care and love and warmth. He gives you his promise without hesitation and you know it’s bound to stick.

Your phone buzzes once.

I’m downstairs. Need help with your bags?

You push up from the comfort of your couch and make one last round of your apartment to make sure you had everything you definitely needed from where it was placed.

I’m good. Will be down in a minute, you text back but don’t pocket your phone right away. Instead, you stare at the screen for a little while longer, half tempted to scroll through the thread of messages. They’d provide a stark timeline of when things started going wrong and you would probably be able to see exactly how things changed between the two of you from the moment you suggested a mere break wouldn’t do it. But doing that would be like breaking a streak you had going for sufficient time to earn a pat on your back. The journey of getting to a point where you were sufficiently okay with being in Mat’s presence without any other company was a long one and the last thing you needed was to recall how it once was.

You and Mat started out as friends after Elise introduced the two of you just a short while before he started his professional career with the Islanders. She talked about how the two of them met in school and how great of a guy he was; real down to earth, funny and incredibly ambitious - traits she also assigned to you, and therefore thought the two of you would get along great. She wasn’t wrong about it. You knew a little about hockey, going to games every now and then mostly whenever Elise dragged you along but you found that Mat made the game more enjoyable. He explained it to you in a manner that didn’t make you feel belittled or as if it should be something you already knew of, and didn’t mind explaining some things more than once. On the other hand, you introduced him to your own hobbies and the little world you created for yourself in a city as big and busy as New York. You showed him the more lowkey but homely establishments, including your favourite pizza place that - unbeknown to you at the time - would become yours and his, and even took him to a few student bars where you regularly beat him at pool while he showed off at darts. Occasionally, it felt weird to watch him unwind in such…normal places and ways while on other days, he shone on ice and was easily one of the best rookies emerging from one of the country’s most well known sports leagues. Yet despite that, you found that athlete Mat wasn’t all that different from Mat the person.

He never put a front and his genuine manner was refreshing to you, particularly during a time when you were still a college student and a good portion of the guys around were textbook frat boys. Being around Mat was comfortable and safe. You didn’t feel the need to speak a certain way or be a different person, and retrospectively, the way you felt towards him developed almost organically. You felt yourself gravitating towards him and were pleasantly surprised by the moments when he’d seek you out first. A day off here and a day off there until eventually, you found yourself spending much of your free time with him and vice-versa.

Falling in love with Mat was easy. Being without Mat was difficult. But, thankfully, not impossible apparently.

Convinced you packed everything you needed, made your way out with a duffle bag on your shoulder and a suitcase at your heels.

True to his word, Mat was parked in front of your place and as soon as you pushed open the building’s door, he looked up from his phone and made his way over to you. The last thing you needed was to make the journey any more awkward or difficult for the both of you, so you didn’t argue when he took the bags from you to stow them away in the trunk.

“Are you going across the country?” You ask, peeking into the trunk while he plays Tetris with the bags.

“What?” He questions, evidently distracted by the task at hand but straightens up when you delicately place a hand on his arm, pushing him to the side a little.

“You’d think you’re going across the country for like, two or three weeks rather than a couple of days,” you repeat. “Maybe put that smaller bag sideways? That might let the bigger suitcase fit.”

He follows your guidance and sure enough, that does the trick: the suitcases fit perfectly in the trunk and you grin to yourself, triumphant.

Mat steps back, closing the trunk and brushes his hands together. “Thanks,” he says and you nod, heading towards your seat in the front. He follows you inside just as you click in your seatbelt. “I don’t think it’ll take us more than two or three hours to get there if traffic’s as good as it was when I checked it a little while earlier. Got everything?”

“Everything important that is. Everything else, I’ll just worry about and pull my hair out when we get there,” you tell him and you can’t help feeling proud for being able to keep conversation light and as normal as you can.

After all, you’ve known life before Mat and you’re rediscovering it after him too.

Mat laughs ever so quiet, and from the corner of your eye, you catch him brushing his hand across his mouth though he’s a few seconds too slow in trying to mask his smile.

“I think I’ll need to fill up soon, but let me know if there’s anywhere else you want to stop along the way,” he tells you while pulling out of the parking spot.

You nod even if he probably might not see it and take the liberty to scroll through radio stations. Mat doesn’t seem to be against it, so you continue switching to them until, a little frustrating that nothing seems to work for you, you connect your phone to the car and play one of your playlists. A mix of upbeat pop and an assortment of viral tracks fill in the silence for a while, and the act of singing along in your head takes your mind away from how it almost feels as if you’re sitting on needles. It takes a conscious effort on your behalf to remind yourself to loosen your shoulders and stop fiddling too much with your hands, and you’re glad Mat seems to be plenty preoccupied with driving. Once upon a time, he would’ve immediately picked up on even the most mild of your discomforts and tried to do anything he could to alleviate them. You don’t know how much, if at all, Mat changed during the time you spent apart but you want to think that you no longer wear your heart on your sleeve as much and your emotions are much more guarded, especially in his presence.

Apparently, though, there’s only so much he can take with silence filled in by music because once he’s off busier streets, he leans in his seat more comfortably and you can tell he very briefly turns his head towards you. “Think they’ll like their wedding gift?”

You direct your gaze away from the flashing scenery outside to Mat. “Absolutely. Who wouldn’t like it? Trust me when I say Bali’s been a place Elise always wanted to visit and I can’t think of a better time than now,” you assure him.

“If they don’t, it’s on you,” he says and it takes you a beat longer to realise he’s just joking so you huff out a laugh, relaxing back in the seat.

“If they don’t, they can give one of the tickets to me and I’ll happily go there.” You cast a glare out at the scenery ahead, eyes narrowing upwards towards the overcast sky. “I don’t think summer will ever come at this rate. I’m starting to hate it here.”

“Doubt Baltimore was any better,” Mat points out.

“Hardly,” you sigh. “Maybe I’ll ask them to send me to Miami instead. That’d be much better.”

Mat clears his throat quickly, shifting a little. “So, are you planning on going back to Baltimore or... Why are you back?” You catch sight of the frown forming on his face, and he quickly shakes his head as if trying to rid the hint of accusation from his voice. “That sounded wrong, sorry. But just genuinely curious. I thought a permanent move was on the table?”

“It was. Still is, but they needed me back here to wrap up a project. It was a pretty bad move on their behalf to send me there before we had that wrapped up nice and neat, bow and all, but I guess…” You trail off, shrugging a shoulder. “Guess we’ll see what’s next after that. They do want me back there, though. It just depends how long it takes for things here to fall into place.”

“Fair enough.” Another pause, another moment for him to press his lips together in silent deliberation. He did that often, and you wonder if that remains a habit still. “Was it a promotion? I forgot, sorry.”

“All good,” you assure, brushing off the apology. “Not a promotion per se, but a sidestep with just a slightly bigger paycheck. The office there is a bit smaller than the New York one so maybe there’s a higher chance of getting promoted sooner, but I don’t want to jump the gun on that yet. How did things work out for you guys this season?”

The Islanders had a good season, making the playoffs but fell just short of making the semi-finals, you knew that. After all, you hadn’t removed the Islanders game and news alerts from your phone and you put that on your laziness. You wouldn’t shy away from admitting to him you still followed the team’s progression, but you preferred not to.

“Could’ve been better but there’s lots to learn from it,” Mat tells you and there’s a trace of excitement and determination in his voice. “Next season will be even better, I guarantee.”

It’s a staple Mat response, one he always gave if he felt a game didn’t end in their favour or he didn’t do as much as he thought he should have. Sometimes, it took him some time to accept it. Usually, it came to him after pushing himself in training, after going that extra step in the gym, after re-watching highlights or coach videos and always - always, you’d assure him that it takes a team to move forward, not a single person. Always, he’d kiss you and tell you he loves you and always, you’d spend those moments wrapped up in each other’s arms, more often than not with Mat’s head resting against your chest and your leg slung around his hip.

“Plenty of time to lift that cup, Barzal,” you assure him. “Sure, the sooner the better but there’s always a right time for everything.”

“I hope so,” he agrees pensively, and lingers on that thought.

You let him to it, directing your attention back to the view outside and only now and then picking up your phone either to switch songs or browse through a few applications. A part of you feels almost obliged to try and push for conversation but you avoid doing so. The last thing you need is to make it painfully awkward for the two of you and you figure Mat could always do that himself if he feels like it. So, you let your mind wander to better things - to the upcoming rehearsal and the wedding itself, to how good Elise will look and how Tito will be so proud to watch her walk the aisle towards him. You imagine their reaction to the gift you and Mat contributed towards and smiled to yourself, knowing it was a perfect pick for them both.

You don’t think about telling Elise you and Mat had lied to them. You don’t think about passing this hurdle - the final one before you two will become strangers to one another. You don’t think about how the next time you might both see each other again, you’ll both have such different lives that for a brief moment, the surprise of it will knock the air out of your lungs before you remember: that’s him without me, and this is me without him. And you won’t be the first or the last people to break up, but a part of you is certain what the two of you had was unique and could’ve been grand. So much grander.

You become more alert to your surroundings when he starts slowing the car and you notice you’re pulling up into a gas station. As much as space allows you, you stretch out a little and Mat stops right by one of the pumps.

“Want something for the road?” You ask him, unplugging your phone and taking your card from your bag.

“Hold on, I’ll come with you,” Mat tells you and it doesn’t take long for the refill to happen before you both walk into the station’s store, beelining for the snack aisles even if you have only two hours or so until you reach your destination.

“Oh gosh, those are going to be a nightmare to clean up if you spill any in the car,” you groan quietly as he browses through the variety of Nerds flavours.

“But they’re so good though,” he shoots back and flashes a smile that is nothing short of sly when he picks up two boxes instead of one.

“Yeah, until the flavour runs out literally two seconds after you put them in your mouth. I mean, enjoy that but I’m different,” you boast and pick up a bag of sour candy.

“You just like obliterating your taste buds.”

He’s not wrong. Sour candy and spicy foods are your guilty pleasures, and have been for the longest time. You don’t try to look into how easily he recalls that because, you tell yourself, there’s nothing to look into. It’s a mere fact that anyone who knows you would easily recite.

“You’re wrong and you know it, but admitting that is difficult so it’s fine, Barzal. No hard feelings,” you throw back, snickering as you head over to the fridges for a bottle of cold water. Instinctively, you grab another for him and instinctively, he takes your candy and the water to pay for them but you still tag along with him in the queue.

“No shot. I like some spice but to the point where I literally can’t taste anything else? Hey, remember that one time when you made something… Can’t remember what it was but it was so…” He purses his lips and you laugh because yes, yes you remember it so clearly.

“So good you ended up crying over it?” You offer.

“More like, I wasn’t crying but it was so fucking spicy, Y/N, holy.”

“You survived though, didn’t you?”

“I only did because there isn’t a thing you do I don’t like,” he says and then, seems to catch himself but a second too late. “Didn’t like,” he corrects quietly but the damage is done.

You swallow uncomfortably, directing your gaze away from him but don’t hesitate to nod towards the outside. “I’ll head over to the car. I’ll text Elise to tell her we’re close.”

“Y/N—“

But you’re already taking steps towards the exit and out of ear shot, making a beeline for the car. Your heart thumps rapidly and uncomfortable in your chest and find that pressing a palm to your left side doesn’t make it any better. You know it’s an innocent mistake and there are some habits that die hard, but the way he phrased it triggered your fight or flight instinct instantaneously and despite yourself, you leaned towards the latter. You enter the car and take the time to compose yourself as much as you could. The last thing you need is to have a conversation with Mat about this because you didn’t want to have it - it shouldn’t happen for the sake of avoiding making the situation even more uncomfortable. It was an innocent slip up, no doubt, and you should’ve braced yourself to speak of Mat in present tense as opposed to past tense in the presence of others but it comes to you harder than imagined.

It’s odd how you both once knew so much about each other, everything even, and now the two of you are reduced to dancing around all that and making conscious efforts to keep your conversations as short and banal as possible.

You try and busy yourself with formulating a message to Ellie, one that’s long enough to try and make you seem as busy as possible by the time Mat returns to the car, but every line you wrote, every mini paragraph going into dull details about the trip and where you guys currently are seemed like an overthrow. So, you delete that also and simply text her an OTW just as Mat sets the sweets on the centre console and the bottles in the cup holders.

He doesn’t start the engine immediately and your mood quickly switches to frustration. Sure, you hadn’t handled it in the best way possible but trying to have a conversation about it wouldn’t make it any better. Or at least, it’s just something you didn’t want to have to think about for the remainder of the journey.

But he does just that, because that is what Mat always did: he talked with you.

“I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable,” he begins, “I didn’t mean for it to come out the way it did. It’s force of habit more than anything else.”

“It’s whatever, Mat, so just move past it. I did, simple as that,” you tell him neutrally.

There’s something in that response he must have not liked because you pick up on his small huff and shortly after, the car starts and you’re both on the road again. This time, with silence between you and an atmosphere so heavy it makes you wish you weren’t speeding down an Interstate just so you could open the window and let some of the air in.

The hotel the wedding will be held at lies in front of you, sprawling and secluded and perfect for an event like this. Tito is already at the entrance and when he spots Mat’s car, he waves quickly while Mat quickly flashes the headlights before pulling into an available parking spot.

“There they are!” Tito says by way of greeting and you walk right into his outstretched arms, hugging him. “Can’t believe so much time passed since we last saw each other. What is it, two months? Three?”

“Three,” you confirm once you pull away so that Mat could hug him also. “It’s good to see you too. Where’s Elise?”

“She wanted to check on some small details and said she’ll meet up with you guys in a bit. So here I am, the welcoming committee,” Tito explained and when he and Mat stepped apart, he reached out to give you another short hug which you accepted. “So how was Baltimore? Don’t suppose you liked it all that much if you’re back so soon. This guy was happy about it,” Tito adds, nodding his head towards Mat who was already busy emptying the trunk.

You press your lips together, displaying a small smile. “Baltimore wasn’t too bad but they missed me here, apparently. Can’t complete a damn thing without my two cents so here I am for now.”

Tito frowns, but the expression is very brief. “For now? We’ll need to talk more about that later so Barzy doesn’t mope around as much as he did back then.”

You throw a quick glance towards Mat but he’s looking away towards whatever interesting spot on the ground he found, pointedly ignoring you. “I’ll have a word with him about it later,” you tell Tito lightly and together, the three of you make your way inside, towards the reception.

“I think Elise is in the room at the end of the corridor if you want to say hi,” Tito informs you and you jump at the opportunity.

You follow the corridor, making a right turn and continuing along the dimly lit hallway leading to what the signs informed you to be Conference Room 1. The door is slightly ajar and you begin picking up on the buzz of activity coming from within and soon enough, you’re face to face with a spacey room boasting an array of flowers and various arrangements tastefully decorating tables and drooping down from the ceiling. No doubt, the effect will be lovely during the night when colourful neon lights can be turned on. You spot Elise easily: she’s in the midst of the room with what is undoubtedly the scrapbook of ideas she’d been carefully putting together since Tito asked her to marry him. Outwardly, she’s all smiles and laughter but you can imagine the amount of effort and planning putting all of this together and working with planners takes.

When she spots you, she squeals in excitement, sets her book down and dashes across the room to engulf you in a hug, making you stumble a few steps back.

You burst into laughter and wrap your arms around her, squeezing her with just enough force to try and communicate how much you missed her but not so that it was uncomfortable.

“I missed you! You’re here!” She exclaims, stepping back to look at you in disbelief then hugging you again. “Oh my gosh, I’m so happy you’re here! Where’s Mat? Is he here too?”

“Of course he is,” you assure her with a laugh. “I missed you too.” You throw a curious glance towards the room over her shoulder, nodding your head towards it. “How’s it going? Need me to take over for a bit?”

“Maybe later. Definitely later. Come on.” She wraps an arm around yours and leads the way out of the room, undoubtedly back to the reception area where you left Mat and Tito. “Please tell me Baltimore is off the table. FaceTime is fine, sure, but it’s not great, you know? I need the real deal next to me. Besides, I’m not sure if you heard, but Mat wasn’t Mat without you.”

“So I heard, but forget about us!” You said in a desperate attempt to try and steer attention away from the subject. “Tell me about how everything’s going. Are you still nervous about it? Because trust me, Elise - you have absolutely nothing to be nervous of. What I’ve heard of so far and what I’ve seen will make it the absolute best day, surely.”

“Of course I’m nervous,” she tells you and to demonstrate, she holds her free hand in front of you and sure enough, there’s just a slight tremble to it. “Please lend me some of those nerves of steel of yours, Y/N, I’d do anything to have even a small percentage of them right now.”

“Pft, as if. Those are all show, trust me.”

“I’ll take even that. Oh, Mat!” She greets as soon as the two of you reach the reception area and Elise spots Mat.

Much like you and Tito, they hug and when she steps back, she immediately stands next to Tito who doesn’t hesitate to wrap an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. They exchange a quick kiss and you smile at the happiness and bliss they’re clearly surrounded by.

It’s the slight pressure on your lower back that makes you jolt a little on the spot and it’s then you realise Mat had gently placed his hand there to encourage you a little closer. It takes effort on your behalf to follow his guidance but you move towards him, though you wish you could physically wince at how undoubtedly stiff the two of you must look. Or hopefully, not greatly so because neither Tito nor Elise comment on it or shoot you any funny looks as the four of you engage in brief conversation, mainly surrounding the trip here and any other guests they expect to receive today.

You don’t hang around much, though. Elise’s phone begins buzzing incessantly and she’s whisked away by the message received, but not before she fixes you with a pointed stare and demands the two of you have drinks later in the evening. Tito follows her also, even if he informs you and Mat that he feels as if he’s running around in the right places only because of Elise and the wedding planners, but you encourage him on by joking he could maybe turn a few candles on the tables this way or that for some extra oomph.

“I can’t imagine how she does it,” you admit to Mat once the elevator doors slide shut soundlessly and the car begins moving upwards to your floor.

“Pretty sure it’s not that big of a deal to her, given what all this is leading to,” Mat tells you and you detect a hint of detachment in his voice.

You don’t welcome it, of course you don’t, but you choose to not point that out to him. The last thing you want is an argument to break out the relatively okay mood the two of you have managed to hold, recent events that could be erased from memory aside. Instead, you simply stand back quietly, eyes glued on the red digital numbers aside until they come to a halt on the ninth floor where the elevator stops and you’re both left in a silent, dimly lit hallway.

Mat has the key to the apartment Elise told you the two of you would be in and just before tapping in, he hands you your own copy of it. Up until this very moment, you hadn’t thought very much of the overnight arrangements. You were pretty sure you meant to ask Elise a bit more about them at some point but both your attention and hers were pulled in different directions and here you were, stepping into your place for the next couple of nights, Mat trailing a little behind you.

You stop, arms folding across your chest and you feel Mat stop somewhere close behind you, looking into one room.

“I didn’t think this through,” you state neutrally.

Ahead of you lay only one bed.

#mat barzal #mat barzal imagine #mat barzal fic #nhl imagine #nhl fanfic #nhl fic #*#the synopsis sucks but i'm bad at short summaries lol #i had this idea since i first joined hockeyblr and i'm happy to have finally found the motivation to write it #anyway i have a vague idea for some scenes #and there will probably be three MAYBE four parts to it

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cinnamonest · 3 years

Note

please spare more crumbs for the sex slave au with diluc and kaeya's meimei,,

Thank you for giving me permission to be more depraved this is from forever ago but I'm slowly getting the "forever ago" stuff done lol

I love the concept tho, especially Crepus buying a lil qt and having to teach them how to be good masters bc they’re both dumb clueless boys, bless.

TWs: slavery, implied incest or pseudo-incest, could give vibes as under//age (nothing is specified but I guess it could strike some people that way so I wanna be cautious), noncon/dubcon, mentions of anal, misogynistic, awful depraved and nasty -------------------------------------

God. The arguing. The rivalry. The chaos. Like, with some poly yanderes/owner/master relationships, the two work *together* and focus attention on controlling *you,* but these two are... not like that. They have a lot of rivalry going on half the time.

Now, this could be Crepus buying a slave and basically indoctrinating her as a meimei, but of course, if you actually are one of the boys' bio sis, the one is gonna claim some authenticity - you know, the whole "well she's my real sister, not yours, so I get to fuck her more" kind of thing. The other appeals to "well she's your real sister which makes you worse," and it devolves into arguing back and forth about whether or not the blood relation makes them more or less justified in sticking their dick in you and claiming more rights to meimei's time and attention. Not just to each other either, it's also directed at you -- the whole "hey, I'm your real big brother, so you should spend more time with me than him" kind of thing. It actually can get pretty annoying over time, you have to constantly be soothing not one but TWO egos in desperate need of affirmation. But here I’m going more with the idea of Crepus just buying them a sweet meimei. Diluc's more... patient. He teaches you "touch commands" -- little learned gestures, like a dog. Just the lightest touch on your spine and you know it's a clear message to arch your back, a hand under your chin and thumb pressed against it has you instinctively opening your mouth, a tap to the back of your neck and you kneel. Little gestures that can bend your body and mind with minimal effort. Despite that though, Kaeya is actually the master of The Look™ - the kind that can make you go quiet and apologize in a mere instant when given. But because you know it, expect him to be even harsher if you defy it. Sometimes in your little tantrums you get so mad that you'll have the audacity to ignore that look and keep whining or being a brat which does not end well.

Meimei is what you call free use - any time, anywhere. One of the most important lessons Crepus told you when he first got you/when you were old enough is that you are never to deny the boys any of your holes if they want it. This is just as important for the boys to learn as it is you, he's a big believer in the whole, "if you act like a good proper master, the slave will naturally fall into their role too" sort of thing, so he teaches them to be forceful and dominating, not hesitant to do what they want -- if they're clear on what they want and make known their expectation of your obedience (and the subtle implication of threat of punishments if not complied with), you'll fall into the submissive role you're meant for and naturally want to submit to them like a good little wife-sister-slave.

So, whenever one of them beckons you over, you smile and ask them how you can help. Your brothers work so hard, and it's the least you can do to take care of their needs. Sometimes they just want you to sit on their lap, wrap your arms around them, sit there a while in silence when they're sad, sometimes they want to vent to you about things when they're frustrated, sometimes they want to use you. Of course, the former two usually leads to the last anyway. You're... emotional support pussy. There's important rules and practices to be followed, it's actually rules for all three of you, several apply to them, actually, as Crepus taught you before he died, and it's become second nature for the boys (it works in their benefit, after all). #1. You can never be left alone. There's a lot of reasons for this, but primarily it's in your instinct to get fucked, all you know how to do is take cock, so if you were left alone you may very well go running off and jump onto the first thing with a dick, and they can't have that. So basically you either have to be with one of them, within their sight, or accounted for in some way - there's a couple of installed tethering hooks and the like on the walls in several areas of the house you can be attached to. But, really, they're not usually necessary, with two very horny males running around you're busy most of the time, even if it's a more passive task. You spend a lot of time sitting on someone's lap, sometimes taking naps throughout the day with whoever decides they're tired at the moment. So, you spend more or less every waking moment with one or both -- well, every sleeping moment too, of course you don't have you own room. You alternate nights between the two just like you were told to. There's not really any task you do alone. Bathing? It's always gotta be with one or the other. Sleeping? Always with one or the other. Even when you're cooking -- because obviously you do that, they wouldn't even know how to, since you've always done it -- one is always standing beside you, talking to you, or sitting a ways over in a chair as they vent about their day. Oh, speaking of that, as aforementioned, you're there for emotional burdens too. When one has had a long day, what would they do if meimei wasn't there for them to vent and whine and complain to? You've always been taught to be a good listener. Don't interrupt. Listen to everything and don't zone out. Don't oppose their actions when they're telling you about their problems, always tell them they were in the right and comfort them. Smile while you listen. That's how you were trained to respond when one of them has some burden to unload on you. Always offer your body to make them happy. That's the last part, and they've never not taken you up on the offer. That being said, sometimes you have to... motivate them. Push a little bit. You see, you're just so sweet that sometimes your brothers might want to just spend the entire day in bed with you. So you have to motivate them to do their actual work. Tell them that if they don't go to work, if they stay in bed all day inside you, how are you supposed to clean the house and make dinner for them? So they sigh and accept you're right and go off to work after all. And, again, the rule is important for them too. You can never run off on your own, but they're also vigilant not to ever leave you alone. When you're first bought, Crepus had to constantly pull them back inside the house when they'd go to another room for something because see, you're leaving her all alone and she's going to go running off and it'll be your fault. So they had to be conditioned to communicate and make sure you were always accounted for, taught how to restrain you properly. If you were left in a room, Crepus would come by to make sure they remembered to lock you inside, would test the tightness of your leash if you were tethered to something, and sigh and chastise if one of them neglected to do it right. #2. No getting off on your own, this is a rule they have to help enforce. It's a waste - you have TWO big brothers, surely one of them is always going to be available and eager, so really, getting yours without either of them involved is pretty selfish, and worthy of punishment if found doing so. If for whatever reason they're all too busy, you have the option of asking permission to ride and grind on their thigh, but no cumming until they're done with their task and are available to properly handle it. Crepus is particularly adamant about this rule, as well as enforcing the same mentality in them, doesn't think it's appropriate for a girl to be so selfishly absorbed with pleasure when she should be giving it to the men that own her. For one, a girl should be spending all of her time dedicated to serving her masters in some way, and two, they're both needy boys that would be eager to fuck you at any time. So really, masturbating is an act of defiance and will be dealt with as such. #3. No favoritism! There will be times where you may feel mad at one or the other, and sure you have different levels of how much you can tolerate certain behaviors... But, you have to train yourself against that. Meimei should have no limits of what she can tolerate - that's part of your whole purpose. So even when you're mad at one, you can't try to avoid that one and go to the other, you still need to divide your time, energy, and body equally. Don't talk bad about one to the other, don't try to spend more time with one or the other at any time. This also includes pitting them against each other through jealousy, it's a huge no-no. Don't try to make one jealous of the other. If they catch you doing that, sooner or later they'll realize what you're doing, and deal with it, usually harshly, since it's seen as a high-ranking offense. In fact, you really shouldn't be mad, ever. Your big brothers know what's best for you, so if you're mad over a disagreement, you just need to accept that they're right and you're wrong and that you need to submit to their will. Outwardly showing you're upset is bratty behavior, things like pouting or giving them the cold shoulder are punishable offenses. #4. You're also a peacekeeper. Diffuse fights. Both of your big brothers can be... stubborn, prideful individuals. This leads to pretty regular conflict over this and that. It's meimei's job to help with that, calm them down with a smile on your face. Or, if it works better, with some tears and a quivering lip. Please don't fight, you say with watery eyes, sniffling, and well, they can't help but feel bad, they both turn their attention to you rather than to each other and apologize for making you upset. And if they're having one if their regular it's my turn kind of arguments, your job is to propose the easy solution of sharing. You have more than one hole to fuck, and can easily cuddle one on each side. It should be an obvious solution. Oh, and they fight sometimes over who gets to do what, who spends time with you, but doing different things rather than both wanting to do the same thing. One is sitting at his desk to work and he can't be expected to focus on work without meimei sitting on his lap and cockwarming him of course, but the other says he wants to take a nap and how is he supposed to sleep if he can't rest his head on meimei's tits? There is only so much of her to go around! But they will legit adjust their schedules to make sure they get alone time. And are very nitpicky about it -- wait why do *you* get an extra hour on Tuesday?? If you get that I deserve an extra hour on Thursday -- that sort of thing. You're supposed to be able to propose such ideas. It's your job to come up with solutions that make everyone happy. You can cockwarm one brother while he works and tell the other that hey, if he postpones the nap, you can just ride him until he cums and can sleep right? Things like that. #5 Actually isn't for you, it's for them, regarding punishment. When Crepus got you, the poor boys didn't really know how to go about doing it, so they had to be taught. It's important to be a good master and know how to do so adequately, you know? To not let anger get the better of them and go too far, since sometimes they might get too mad about something. In fact, a good trick, he teaches them, is to just tie you up, and go blow off some steam before coming back to punish you. That way they won't go too far, and you'll have to wait around in fear for a while, which just helps the punishment sink in better. But at the same time, don't go too light. No matter how much you whimper, he says, don't feel pity for her and go lax. It's intentional, it's just your nature to try and fake-cry to try and get out of it. You did something bad, so they shouldn't feel bad about it, even if you cry and squeal. It's the right thing to do. You're supposed to cry, you're supposed to say it hurts and whimper, that just means they're doing it right. But of course, there's some sensitivities to be taught. If they have you bent over a knee, they have to make sure to only hit your ass and the back of your thighs, make sure not to go up too high and hit your back, since that could cause injury. If they're gonna fuck your ass as punishment, make sure to use a certain amount of lube. Things like that, it's important to be good masters, just as much as it is your job to be a good little slave.

And to remember, of course, that meimei is... an inferior little creature. Don't get mad at her just because she's stupid and doesn't understand this or that, that's not her fault. She can't be expected to be smart or responsible, that's their job. But also, don't feel pressured to give her what she wants just because she wants it or anything. And, most importantly, don't start having self-doubt and ever think she might be right about something while they're wrong, because obviously that can't be the case. You might get defiant and try to insist you know better than them, act like you're just as capable of something as they are, or think your opinions matter or something, but in that case, they have a responsibility to remind you of your place.

#tw: incest #tw: misogyny #lena's asks #atml #.meimei

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nakachuchu · 3 years

Text

10:36 PM | Okkotsu Yuuta

SYNOPSIS: Modern AU - You and a hot stranger get trapped in an elevator.

READER: female

WORDS: 1170

WRITTEN: 05/24/2021

NOTES: Thank you for requesting from my time event!

You had just gotten off of work and you were exhausted. It was 10:36 PM—way too late for you to be arriving at your apartment.

You blamed your tyrant of a boss. He left everything to you, often overworking you. Tonight was one of those nights.

All you wanted was to go back to your apartment, take a shower, and sleep. You were hungry, but you didn't even have the energy to eat.

But of course, the elevator just had to get stuck tonight. You would have preferred it to get stuck after you got a good night's sleep.

You groaned. "This is bullshit."

The man next to you chuckled nervously. "Has this happened before?"

You looked at him and noticed you had never seen him in the apartment complex before. He was attractive and had an awkward, boyish smile on his face.

"Are you new?" you asked.

He nodded. "Is it that easy to tell?"

"I know just about everyone," you said. "I've lived here for a while. No, this has never happened before."

You pressed the emergency button, calling out for the night guard on duty. There was static, making you stress a bit.

"Itadori, can you send help?" you called out.

There was no answer, so you let go of the button and sighed. The stranger looked around the dim elevator and cleared his throat.

"I'm Okkotsu Yuuta."

"L/N F/N. You can just call me Y/N. Sorry, I look like this," you said, gesturing to your ruffled outfit.

You were a bit disheveled. As soon as you got off from work, you undid the first few buttons to your blouse and unbuttoned the outer layer of your jacket.

You cleared your throat after realizing Okkotsu was able to see your cleavage. He quickly looked away after seeing where you were looking.

"Sorry," he said. "I wasn't looking or anything. Well, I was, but it was an accident—I swear."

The corner of your lips twitched into a lopsided smile. It was cute how innocent and bashful he seemed. Maybe there was a good thing about being trapped in an elevator. At least, you got to spend your time with an attractive man.

"At least, we're not alone. How horrible would it be if we got trapped alone?" you questioned.

"I'd probably sit in the corner."

"That's unsanitary, Okkotsu."

"I'm sorry."

You snorted. "There was no need to apologize."

There was a brief, awkward silence. You raked your head of things you could talk about. You didn't know, but he was doing the same.

"How was work?" he asked, mentally kicking himself in the ass.

"Horrible," you muttered. "Sorry, I don't want to rant and have you listen to all of it. You were just being polite."

"No, I want to hear about your day. I don't work in an office, so it sounds interesting to hear about. You work in an office, right? I assumed from your briefcase..."

"I do, and I gotta tell you; don't do it. Well, you're a man so maybe if you decide to work in an office setting, you'll be better off than me," you said.

He cringed. "That bad?"

You nodded. "That bad. How old are you?"

"Twenty-four!" he exclaimed with a twinkle in his eyes. "I just celebrated my birthday last week with my friends. I hadn't seen them in a while so it was nice to see them again."

"Oh, to be young again," you said with a sigh.

"How old are you?"

"Twenty-five," you said. "The office life is bad on my skin, so I'm sure I look older than I really am."

"N-No, you look really young," he replied. "I was a bit shocked when you walked into the elevator."

He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. He didn't think he would be admitting this to you, but you seemed like a fairly open and understanding person.

"Thank you. You look really young too. You look like you could be a high schooler."

"I still get carded at clubs and bars," he revealed. "But that's okay because I usually prefer staying at home with my cat, Rika."

"I like staying home too, especially with a good meal and a movie."

As soon as you said that, your stomach rumbled. You looked down and hugged yourself around the stomach in embarrassment.

"Uh—I hope—I hope this isn't too forward but, when we get out of here, do you wanna come over for dinner sometime? We could watch a movie too?" he suggested.

You looked at him and blinked. You didn't think someone as attractive as him would ask you out, especially while the two of you were trapped in an elevator with dim lighting.

"Y-Yeah, I'd love to."

You hadn't been on a date since college. The date never even went anywhere. It ended with that first date and you didn't go out of your way to date anyone anymore.

Okkotsu was similar. He had gotten love letters in high school and college, but he never reciprocated those feelings. He didn't want to date someone he didn't like, so he never had a girlfriend before.

His best friend, Inumaki, was the one who had many girlfriends in his lifetime. The two of them were the heartthrobs of the school, but Inumaki was the only one who gave the girls a chance.

"First thing would be getting out of here though," you retorted.

"The fire station is probably on their way already."

You sighed. "How long will it take though?"

Okkotsu reached into his jacket's pocket and took out a granola bar. He held it out for you and you blinked down at it.

"Why do you have a granola bar?"

"I get hungry," he defended. "Here. Take it."

"Are you sure? Aren't you hungry?" you asked.

He shook his head. "You need it more than me. I heard the way your stomach rumbled."

You narrowed your eyes at him. "And here I thought you just didn't hear it."

He chuckled. "It was very noticeable. Take it."

You took the granola bar from his hand and unraveled it to take a bite from it. You sighed peacefully through your nose.

"You're a lifesaver," you mumbled.

"No problem. I'll make sure to cook a lot for our date."

The way he said it made you tingle. He didn't mean for it to sound so cocky and straightforward, but he meant what he said. He wanted to cook you a nice, homemade dinner.

"I'd like that," you responded with a soft smile.

He smiled back at you and opened his mouth to say something when a sudden clank surprised the two of you.

"Hello?" someone called out. "We're from the fire department and we're going to get you out, all right?"

"Yes, thank you!" you exclaimed.

"Looks like we're finally getting out of here," Okkotsu said.

You nodded and smiled at him as the elevator doors opened. "I'm in apartment 120. Knock when you're ready for that date."

#jujutsu kaisen x reader #Okkotsu yuuta x reader

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ateezthings · 4 years

Text

ATEEZ Reaction: S/O flinching during an argument

Anon said: “Hi um could I please request for an ateez reaction to their s/o flinching in an argument? Thank you so much if you do this!! Much love ❤️❤️”

Triggerwarning: This scenario could be triggering for some people as it deals with past (physical) abuse, no abuse will happen though. Take care of yourself and please seek help if you need it.

Genderneutral

Heavy angst (Writing angst is always emotionally draining but I love it so much, it means a lot more to me)

Jongho

You knew Jongho was strong. This didn’t help when he raised his right hand during the argument. You instinctively crouched down and covered your face with your arms. When you couldn’t feel any sort of punch, you dared to look at him again. The expression on his face scared the living hell out of you: shock, hurt, pain, disappointment.

“You thought I’d hi-hit you?”

At that point you realized you didn’t think, your body just reacted. Things, that happened in the past were screwing up your present, you had to start letting go.

“I do-don’t know, Jongho, I didn’t… I-You raised your arm and I thought-”

That’s when you broke down: knees giving out and tears starting to spill from your eyes, announcing that you were starting the self-healing process.

Sunken on to the floor, he slowly approached you, gently wrapping his arms around your body. For a while nothing could be heard except your muffled cries.

Holding you tight while you fell apart, he reassured you: “I would never lay a finger on you like that… please believe me, you are so precious”

After a moment of silence, he continued: “Do you wanna talk about what made you think that I could do that to you?”

With almost no energy left, you slowly shook your head no.

“It’s okay, I love you and I will always be here”

Wooyoung

He has a good heart. But he is also very passionate and that sometimes scares you when he is in one of his moods, rants like there’s no tommorow and he doesn’t hear you anymore. You were trying to get a word in but Wooyoung was speaking louder and louder about how it wasn’t his responsibility to get groceries after being at the studio for 13 hours a day, even though you asked him to in the morning.

He got so worked up he puffed his chest and fitfully lifted his arms. That was enough to make you flinch. It was a short action but of course Wooyoung noticed. Immediately becoming silent, it looked like someone took the life out of him.

“Did you think… I was going to…?”

Scared of your own reaction, you were paralyzed for a moment. Wooyoung rushed to take you into his arms, his comforting arms.

“I’m sorry Woo”, your voice sounded exhausted, like you’ve never been before.

“You don’t have to apologize for it… I’m sorry for getting so worked up, I never meant to scare you… you know I will always protect you.”

Mingi

You didn’t even remember what the argument was about. Mingi came home a little aggravated and you were tired from work so that’s when things went south.

“How many times do I have to tell you? I have the most important performance of my career that day, I can’t come visit your parents!”

“Mingi you never make time for me! It’s like your job is more important to you than me!”

Visibly frustrated, he quickly lifted up his arms in defeat. That’s when the flashbacks started in your head and you retracted back into your shell, shoulders and arms raised to protect your head.

“Y/N… I… Did you really think…” He didn’t need to finish.

The look on his face showed emotions that were beyond hurt, pain and disappointment.

You struggled to keep your composure: “I’m sorry Mingi, I don’t-”

He hurried over to you to take you into his arms.

“It’s okay… I could never do something like that to you.”

San

He forgot your anniversary. That was it. You knew that it wasn’t that big of a deal, but little things like that were important to you. They mattered more than any big gesture or present.

You simply expected him to write you a sweet message during the day or something like that. But he forgot. Even when you went to see him in the evening he didn’t seem to remember. So, you wanted to confront him about how much that hurt you.

You didn’t expect it to develop into a huge argument though.

“San, what I expected was just a little reminder that our relationship is as important to you as it is to me, I just wanted my boyfriend to send me a text… but you couldn’t even do that!”

That was it for him. You doubted his ability to show love?

He took a step closer to you but after seeing the rage in his eyes that was enough for you to step back in fear.

That broke him. And you could see that.

“No no no, that’s not- you’re not scared of me, right Y/N?”

It all happened so fast you couldn’t think straight. When you didn’t respond he broke down in tears.

So it was you, who took him into your arms, even though you doubted his good nature for a split second.

You tried to keep him together with your hug while struggling yourself.

San would never ever hurt you. His reaction was enough to make it clear to you how much the thought of you being scared of him hurt him.

Holding each other close you both let out cleansing tears and haunting memories that used to be tucked away in a back drawer of your mind, ready to be dealt with now.

Yeosang

He’s not the person to get angry audibly. Like twice a year you guys a conflict but it was never loud.

But this one was different; it was a much deeper conflict of values. He prioritized work. You knew he loved his work but did he have to ignore your needs while doing what he loved? You believed he could also pay a little attention to you, that’s what being in a relationship meant, right?

It was scary when he started to raise his voice but it was even more terrifying when he started to gesture wildly, trying to explain why you were wrong.

Naturally, you went into protection mode.

He stopped right in his tracks when he saw the terrified expression on your face.

“Y/N.. I wasn’t going to… I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just…”

You didn’t know how to explain yourself either. But you didn’t need to, Yeosang understood what was going on.

He carefully approached you and offered you a big hug. You let yourself collapse into him and allowed the tears to spill from your eyes, letting out all the pent-up stress and fear.

“I’m sorry my love. I will never forgive myself for scaring you…”

Yunho

You were on edge the whole day, anxiety acting up again. Sometimes you could deal with it, but not today.

In the evening it got even worse when Yunho didn’t seem to notice you were more nervous and jittery than usual. He’s had a hard day too.

So, you decided to put aside your own troubles to ask him how his day went.

His eyebrows furrowed: “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“I just wanted to ask you how your day went, Yunho, and why you’re so pissed, I’m sorry”

He groaned out of frustration and turned his body away from you - a little too fast. That’s when something snapped in you and you got flooded with horrible memories of past situations that scarred you physically but more importantly mentally: You couldn’t help but protect your head from punches that might land on it.

“No, baby, don’t… I.. I didn’t mean to… I wasn’t going to…”

The look in his eyes was pure defeat.

“I’m so sorry” his voice was merely a whisper.

You were shocked when you realized you had thought he could harm you physically. He was your safe place.

So you let yourself fall into his arms, hoping you could comfort him as much as he comforted you.

Hongjoong

In an argument Hongjoong could raise his voice, you knew that. What you didn’t know was that even small rapid movements of his could trigger a memory in your mind that you hoped to suppress forever.

He only ran his hand through his hair but your reflex was to immediately cover your face.

“What was that?... Are y-you scared of me…?”

Tears started to spill from your eyes as you realized that you had hurt him: ”I’m sorry Hongjoong, I don’t know what’s happening”

Taking you into his arms, he tried to calm you down with his touch: ”Shh, it’s okay, I’m here, Y/N”

After your tears dried up a little, you moved to cuddle on the couch.

“Do you wanna tell me what happened?”

It was painful but you decided to tell him everything you could remember.

He was sure to hold you especially tight during the parts where you didn’t think you could keep on talking.

Seonghwa

You guys fought about his job and how he was never home. He reasoned he loved what he did and that was supposed to make it okay. It didn’t. So, your dispute was going nowhere.

Out of frustration he turned away from you.

The action was so quick, but it scared a part of you, that you didn’t know existed: the part that was abused.

You couldn’t help but flinch. Of course, Seonghwa noticed.

“Why’d you…? Y/N are you sc-scared of me?” His eyes wide open, the corners of his mouth visibly drooping.

You sank down onto the floor, unable to hold it in any longer. It was useless to cover your eyes, tears already spilling like a waterfall.

Seonghwa was quick to hug you.

You were falling apart in his arms, but it felt good to let it all out. Neither you nor Seonghwa needed to speak.

Let me know what you think in the comments.

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mythicamagic · 3 years

Note

“Call it a truce”

(For the prompt if you’d like)

They'd crossed paths eight times now inside the godforsaken maze. Naraku had placed them under some sort of spell- Kagome wasn’t totally sure if her friends were also somewhere inside. It had all happened way too quickly. One second she’d been fighting alongside her comrades- the next, waking up inside a bizarre hellscape.

Sadly the only person she’d seen thus far was Sesshoumaru of all demons. When they’d first bumped into each other- blue and gold had narrowed- both quickly turning in the opposite directions.

Gradually, however, time wore on. A continuous mist obscured every corner of the black maze, its towering walls strangled by twisting, thorny vines. Red skies hung overhead, a barrier likely preventing Sesshoumaru from flying upwards, otherwise he would've escaped by now.

Kagome had just one arrow and one weathered bow. No food, and no water. Just the clothes on her back and strung out nerves, wits starting to fray at the edges. Her footsteps sounded too loud in the empty space. The mist kept rolling, making her paranoid- imagining salivating demons and evil spirits haunting her steps.

Am I going to die in here?

Gritting blunt teeth, Kagome let out a frustrated noise- wrapping her hands around the nearest thorny vines and letting reiki burst free from her fingertips. Maybe she could just blast her way through the wall. Pink light glowed like a signal flare, shimmering and giving her a brief taste of renewed hope.

“It will not work.”

She frowned, registering Sesshoumaru’s acerbic tone. Just as he’d said, when her holy light died, the thorns remained.

Kagome glanced over her shoulder, finding him closer than expected. She shifted warily to maintain some distance. They’d refrained from talking so far during their encounters in the maze. This was unexpected. And worrying. If Sesshoumaru was out of options, things were dire.

“Flying is a no go, I’m guessing?"

He stiffly nodded in response, head tilting back to gaze hatefully at the high walls. Kagome shivered, wrapping both arms around herself. “Damn it. I have no idea what to do. I can sense Naraku’s youki but it's everywhere so there's no chance of pinpointing him. It’s soaked into the air like gasoline."

"I am also unable to locate the wretch."

Kagome blinked, glad he was reciprocating conversation.

"We're locked in a spell or under a curse, I’ve got no doubt about that. I just don’t know if these are our real bodies or not…”

Were they trapped somewhere mentally? Caged like birds?

Sesshoumaru levelled a look down to her hands, gesturing with a claw. “The cuts do not hurt?”

Kagome blinked, flexing her fingers. She hadn’t even realised they’d been pricked by the thorns. “N-no.”

“Then it appears he has either somehow trapped us within a space that has absorbed our conscious minds or put us in an area that dulls the senses. Perhaps a keeper box of some kind," Sesshoumaru said easily, as though he did this all the time.

Kagome’s heart pumped at a dizzying speed. Keeper box. She'd been in one of those before. The face of sage Tokajin came to mind. “Crap,” she whispered.

"Unpleasant memories, miko?" a lofty, entertained tone brushed her hearing.

Kagome sneered half-heartedly, "it's nothing."

Sesshoumaru's eyes glowed, smiling. As if he could see right through her. "Hn."

“We gotta get out of here," she said dismissively. "Since this is Naraku we’re dealing with- I doubt just finding the centre of this maze will let us get outta here and break the curse, and knowing him there’s no exit.”

“Hn, and yet I can think of nothing else after trying everything."

Kagome gave him a sweeping glance over, swallowing. She hadn’t seen him since he’d nearly killed Kohaku- still thankful he’d released the mind controlled boy.

They were still technically enemies despite a shared goal of killing Naraku.

Steeling herself, Kagome took a breath. She then boldly stuck a hand out towards him. “Let’s work together. We haven’t got much choice. Call it a truce.”

Silence.

Kagome chanced a look at his face.

Sesshoumaru merely stared at the offered hand unblinkingly. Kagome giggled weakly. “A-ah, you shake it. It’s an ‘across the seas’ type of gesture to show we’re sealing a deal.”

Interest livened his animalistic gaze. He briefly seemed considering, perhaps wondering about her origins. Long fingers unfurled from his palm, clasping her hand strongly. The shock of skin to skin contact and sharp claws nearly jerked Kagome enough to rip her hand free. She forced herself to stay still, feeling a surge of something shoot down to her toes.

He was warmer than expected. It surprised her that callouses roughened his palm, likely from years of swordplay. She'd always figured he was too inhumanly perfect to have such a thing. Sesshoumaru blinked slowly, remaining locked in a stare. For a moment, Kagome dumbly admired his pretty white lashes.

She caught herself staring and briskly shook his hand, prying her fingers free before gesturing to several pathways, cheeks red. “S-so which way?”

Mokomoko’s soft fur caressed the bare flesh of her lower thigh in passing as Sesshoumaru stepped towards one. “I have yet to take this path. Stay close, troublesome miko," he threw over one shoulder. "I will not slow down for you.”

“Please don’t. You walk slow enough as it is,” Kagome griped, following.

---

Demons began littering the narrow, claustrophobic spaces within the maze. Kagome had to duck and weave around Sesshoumaru as he killed them with acid or fierce swipes of his claws. It forced them to get up close and personal, occasionally plastering miko and Daiyoukai together.

His scent wafted into her unwilling nose more than once- masculine and sharp, reminding her of thunderstorms. Since she couldn’t use her reiki with much finesse yet and the close quarters put her archery skills at a disadvantage, Kagome tried her best to be helpful.

“Behind you!” she’d yell, ducking under his arm before grasping his sleeve. “On your right!”

Sesshoumaru dispatched enemies without argument or complaint, calmly moving on once they lay dead.

As time dragged on, Kagome’s legs began to ache from the endless walking. Her stomach grumbled near constantly. Her limbs and body were becoming weak.

She didn’t breathe a word about it- though noticed Sesshoumaru’s lingering attention. Turning a corner, she stumbled, an arm catching her around the waist, steadying.

Kagome’s belly fluttered, and she quickly straightened. “Thanks.”

“Hn.”

They book occasional breaks, but respite was near impossible with the continued droves of enemies. After what she could only guess to be at least 17 hours- though it felt like days, they finally arrived at the centre of the maze. Exhausted, Kagome kept a hand buried within mokomoko to keep her upright, leaning against the stability he offered. They’d shed a lot of restraint about touch around hour 9 of their journey.

As first suspected however, there was nothing in the middle of the maze. Just a plain space with a single fountain. They hadn’t come across a single exit either.

Kagome’s knees quivered a little, “d-do you have a plan B?” she rasped, throat dry. What she wouldn’t give for some water.

Sesshoumaru stared grimly ahead, slowly lowering his calm attention to her. If she could hazard a guess, he was likely thinking he could survive. He’d weather the storm of hunger and dehydration much longer than she.

“I suspect the reason Naraku lingers is because he predicted I would kill you,” his velvety voice was completely at odds with his words.

Kagome stiffened, leaning slightly away from the warmth of luxurious furs. “...That would make sense,” the admission slipped out, “he’s a sadistic prick. He’s probably watching us right now, getting his kicks from seeing us struggle.”

Sesshoumaru turned to her, lifting a clawed hand. The sharp points gleamed. They could tear through her supple flesh and bones with ease. Kagome had witnessed it enough times to know.

Rendered completely exhausted though, she had little room left for fear. She stared at him blandly, falling quiet.

He arched a brow, resting those deadly claws against her flushed skin, gradually unfurling to hold her neck. “You will not resist?”

“I’ve never taken you to be the kinda guy who would take the easy way out,” Kagome muttered, raising her chin. “Am I wrong?”

Was it her imagination or did his pupils dilate a touch?

She shivered, feeling the pads of his fingers drag against the nape of her delicate neck, thumb resting at her throat.

“No,” he rumbled softly, gripping tighter and drawing her in closer. “But since we have an audience, miko,” his voice lowered, “let us give him a show.”

Blue eyes widened- seconds before lips crashed to hers. Kagome gasped- and a sinuous tongue took advantage, shoving inside to plunder her mouth. Sensation slammed into her gut. Suddenly she was immediately aware of everything. The warmth of his palm, the dry rub of his callouses along her neck. The goosebumps rising on her flesh. How his tongue skilfully played, twined and slid against her own- and she found herself responding.

His lips were hot and quick across her own, firm and yielding and then parting to meet her tongue with his anew. Kagome’s breath shuddered. Her entire body thrummed. She found herself touching the fine, soft locks of silver hair behind his ear, strands running through her fingers like water. Their mouths broke apart, and Kagome could only give a breathy gasp as he sucked along the bent arch of her throat.

“Behind me, to the left,” he whispered, kissing her flesh bruisingly hard.

“I know,” she panted.

It happened quickly. They moved in sync- Kagome reaching for her bow and nocking her single arrow while Sesshoumaru turned, angling her to fire at the faint ripple in the sky they’d both sensed the second they’d kissed.

While the blazing firework of pure holy energy streaked into the air, the Daiyoukai followed its progress, flying with Kagome in tow. She held on around his shoulders, praying with all her might it would break through.

Her arrow pierced the demonic barrier- shattering the weak spot immediately. Sesshoumaru broke through, leaving the world of red skies and unsolvable mazes behind.

---

Kagome sucked in a gasping, strangled breath, shooting upright.

“Kagome! She’s awake, guys!”

Putting a hand to her head, she looked to her side- only to be greeted with the sight of Sesshoumaru sitting up from the ground, both of them having been sprawled out. Around them, battle raged. Inuyasha was fighting diligently, swiping madly at continuous rounds of regenerating tentacles.

Miroku and Sango seemed to be on guard duty, having been defending their unconscious bodies. Shippo immediately buried his face in Kagome’s arm, holding onto her. “You’ve been asleep for a good hour after you were both hit by that attack! Naraku kept trying to kill you! Ah- I’m so glad you’re safe!”

Kagome comforted him with a few gentle pats upon his head, murmuring softly. The shifting of weight caught her attention, and she watched as Sesshoumaru stood. He sneered softly to himself, “I do not know why you saw fit to protect this one, but I did not need your aid, humans.”

“I told ya!” Inuyasha shouted from somewhere in the distance.

“We couldn’t let you be absorbed by Naraku or he’d be even more formidable,” Sango griped.

“What my friends mean to say is- you’re welcome, Lord Sesshoumaru,” Miroku amiably smoothed over the situation.

Sesshoumaru grunted, securing his swords in place. Then, slowly, his eyes lowered.

Kagome exhaled a shuddering breath. Her heart slammed against her ribcage, cheeks burning with all the voracity of a fever, chest light and heavy all at once. Sesshoumaru’s gaze fell to the subtle parting of her mouth, before looking her in the eye for just one more lingering moment. He then moved out from behind the protection Sango and Miroku offered, racing headfirst into battle.

He just did it to break the spell, that’s all.

He’d kissed her to help flush out a weak spot from their enemy, which had opened from Naraku's shock- having lost brief control of the spell. Thinking about it as anything more than that would be foolish.

Shaking herself, Kagome followed suit. She grabbed her bow and nocked an arrow, pushing down all confused thoughts and sensations that Sesshoumaru’s wicked mouth had elicited- entering the fray alongside her friends.

#sesskag #sesshoumaru x kagome #sesskag fanfiction #sesshoumaru #kagome higurashi

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orpheustiel · 2 years

Text

castiel & jack, dean/castiel, 1,774 words, rated g

Summary: “Why is it that you put Dean above everything else?”

Before Jack even finished his sentence, Castiel felt his smile dissolve and the muscles of his face harden. He knew the answer. Of course he knew the answer. In a second he felt the pressure of Hell, the warmness of Dean, the loneliness of falling, the relief of Free Will and a pressure on his human stomach and heart, sweat on his human hands and the need to look down, avoiding Jack’s eyes.

agape, on ao3

“Castiel?” Jack’s voice sounded low on the quiet bunker. Dean and Sam had gone to sleep not too long ago, leaving Jack and Castiel alone in the darkness of the television room – or, as Dean insisted to call it, The Dean Cave, and Castiel would often refer to the room as that in thought.

So far, they had been in a comfortable silence. Jack browsed through videos on their new television (which was so complex that Castiel often found himself comparing its intricate system to the work of Angels), never really settling on anything, but actually watching a few seconds or minutes of each video and then moving on to another one randomly. Castiel watched Jack and mentally went through his memories of the last couple months, searching for things he could’ve missed that would help them with the current missions – faces, objects, waves, sounds, ideas, feelings, and thoughts.

“Yes, Jack?” Castiel responded, looking at his eyes and feeling his face relax into a small smile, as it always did. Jack looked back at him with the same openness Castiel believed himself to have. An openness he would only find in other angels and missed when communicating with humans.

Memories of Dean came to Castiel – Dean talking to him, explaining, telling, asking, joking. He felt glad that with Jack he could have a different relationship, more open, with less camouflages in the physical and spiritual sense.

Jack selected another video, this time, a 7 hour and 40 minutes of piano with rain sounds and let go of the remote “Can I ask you something?”

Castiel nodded, closing his eyes briefly and smiling a bit more, gesturing for Jack to continue.

“Why is it that you put Dean above everything else?”

“I mean,” Jack continued, unaware of the cacophony of thoughts and feelings Castiel was perceiving, “I get it. Dean can be nice sometimes, he is funny, brave, he cares about his family and fights for what is right. I get that. But Sam is all of that too, and with Dean it’s like…” Jack had been talking fast, as if he had the speech prepared beforehand and was rushing through it so Castiel wouldn’t interrupt, but now he stopped, choosing his words, and hardening his look before finishing “it’s like you don’t care about anything else other than him.” Jack relaxed, as if accepting the truth of his next words “And you care about me too, I know. I just don’t understand why is it that Dean is so important when…you know.”

“When he has treated you the way he has?”

In the second between Jack finished speaking and Castiel began, countless thoughts were measured in his head. Castiel decided that maybe with Jack he could trust the truth. Relief washed over him as he sat back and fixed his gaze on Jack.

“Has anyone told you the story of how Dean and I met?” Jack shook his head and sat back as well, crossing his legs, and waiting for Castiel to continue.

Castiel spoke of Heaven’s Plan, his garrison, and the Righteous Man. He told Jack of Hell and of holding a soul, which is less like holding with your arms, but more like convoluted ties of energy that isn’t translatable in any human language, as it’s not thing humans can experience.

“But Dean wasn’t grateful. Of course, knowing him now makes it easier to understand why, but, at the time, I felt…confused.” Castiel shifted where he was sat, positioning his body in a way to show Jack he wanted him to pay attention “And that’s just the thing, Jack– ” a smiled creeped of his face before he could help it. He used to be able to control that before “I felt.”

Castiel explained to Jack about orders, the Divine Plan and how, even though he had broken the patten before, the only time it was unfixable was when he helped Dean.

As he talked, Castiel molded his words to fit his listener. Even though he had never had an opportunity to tell about his history with Dean so freely before, which caused him great satisfaction, he also felt the need to be careful. The things he and Dean have gone through have been hard and gruesome. The things he felt and thought about Dean were sometimes too great for Castiel himself. So he chose his words carefully.

He finished after telling in littler details the past few years, and Jack immediately said “You two met in an extraordinary situation and have formed deep connection because of it.”

Castiel held back the smile forming on his lips. He moved his hands to help him sit back once again, just now realizing he had been fidgeting his fingers against each other. Just another of the various human behaviors that have installed themselves into his routine.

“Yes, we did. And have been going through many other extraordinary situations ever since, which has made it only strengthened it. In more common terms, you could say he is family.”

Jack nodded and furrowed his brows, taking it serious – Castiel didn’t hold back his smile this time, thinking of Jack being raised by Winchesters.

“In other common terms” Jack asked, tilting his head forward “you love him.”

There it was again. The coldness in his stomach, the blood rushing just faster enough to make him feel the need to move his hands. The waves going through him changing course, turning upside down.

“Jack…” But Castiel didn’t know what to say.

“I’ve spent some nights reading the Bible” Jack began explaining “and I try to make parallels between the people in the story and people I know in real life, to help me understand them better. A lot of the times they mention love, it reminds me of what I see in you two.”

Memories passed through Castiel. Choices he made for Dean, time he has spent with Dean, conversations he has had with Dean. He understood what Jack meant.

Castiel joined his hands and leaned forward on his knees. He has wondered much about that as well. Love is human experience like no other – it’s so incredibly abstract, not alike anything else, not working in humans’ minds like other feelings like happiness or pleasure do.

It wasn’t until he became close to a human himself that he began to understand what they meant by love.

He recalled being with Dean on the bunker, Dean teaching how to work the shower and handing him clothes, promising the movies they would watch, and the food Dean would make Castiel eat. He also recalled seeing Dean once again months later, his anger, frustration, anxiety, and something else, that surged when Dean came into his workplace and messed with his life.

Reconnected with his Grace, Castiel had to reimage love, to remember what it was like and translate it to what it had to be now.

“I believe love is a name we give to what is actually many behaviors.” Castiel answered and Jack relaxed, looking at him. “It is not only about feeling, but showing that you feel it. For humans, love is not only one feeling, but a collection of them working together.” Jack nodded, showing he understood, and Castiel kept going “For me, it became easier to think about it as a collection of actions. Humans show the feelings through actions, so I believe it makes sense.”

“So, love is showing love?” Jack asked, unsure.

Castiel grinned “Yes, Jack, I believe it is.” He waited for Jack to pay attention to him again before continuing “Some time ago, philosophers in Greece studied love by tearing it in three – called eros, philia and agape. Maybe they understood love better than the English.”

“What do they mean?”

“Eros is, in reality, a name borrowed from the Angels. You remember them, the Cherubs” Jack nodded “Yes, well. The Cherubs make those who they pierce with their arrow experience sexual attraction and the need to be together. Eros refers to romantic love, physical attraction.

“Philia is considered the purest and sincerest form of love. It’s the love we share with our family and the ones we’re loyal to.

“Agape is…harder to explain, there are complex discussions involving it. But it is a connection to the universe, nature, humanity and, in some cases, could be the connection to God.”

Jack hums showing he followed the explanation and asks “The love between you and me is Philia.” He smiles, showing his teeth and Castiel feels what could only be described as love growing in his chest.

“Yes, Jack, it is.” He agrees, but wonders if he is capable of anything other than agape.

“And between you and Dean…it…is…”

Jack doesn’t meet Castiel’s face when speaking and Castiel wonders how long Jack has been meaning to ask if what he saw from him towards Dean was “is it Eros?” Jack finishes, keeping his head down but moving his eyes up to watch Castiel.

Castiel thought about Dean’s presence. The warmth of his soul. His hands on Castiel’s wrist, arm or shoulder. His smile. The way he said Cas. The feeling Castiel got on his stomach every time it was late at night, and he sat on Dean’s bed with him to watch a movie, their knees touching. The waves around him tingling. The need to protect him, to be close to him, to destroy the whole world so there was only them, to save the whole world for him. His thoughts, desires, fears and wishes.

He looked at his hands and moved his fingers.

“Perhaps it is all three.”

Jack hummed, agreeing.

“I get it now. Thank you, Cas.”

Castiel loved him and loved him. Jack showed his feelings with such openness, such desire to form connection. He was so proud of the being they were raising.

“Thank you for listening, Jack.” He took a deep breath and dared to ask “Jack, would you mind if we kept all of this between us?”

Jack nodded, this time with more energy “Of course. It can be weird to mention other people’s romantic feelings out loud. Sam though me that.”

Castiel wondered what prompted this lesson and grew impossibly fonder of all of them.

#destiel #deancas #jack kline #castiel #dadstiel #destiel fanfic #castiel&jack #destiel fanfiction #oneshot #rated g

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aitarose · 4 years

Text

SUNSHINE | MAKO

PAIRING: Mako x Kya’s Daughter!Reader [fem]

PLOT: Mako’s always had a little crush on Y/N. After all, who wouldn’t? But admitting it to himself? Yeah, no. Just the thought of admitting it to her? Even bigger no. He’d never consider confessing..right? based on these requests by anons

WARNINGS: fluff, mutual pining, friends to lovers

WORD COUNT: 2.3k

A/N: i love mako sm like you guys don’t even know. this man OWNS me fdjafdlsjk. also i got a little carried away with these requests and i took them to the next level so please enjoy :)

MY MASTERLIST

Mako was living his absolute worst nightmare.

Stuck aboard an airship with his two exes, his brother, his boss, and his boss’ ex with no opening window to jump out of?

The day was definitely not in his favor.

Every hour seemed to be the same.

Radio a call..hear about a new airbender..find the map..use the map..go to the town..get kicked out of the town..return to the beginning.

While Mako did love having a routine—he was bored of this one.

The only thing that made his day even slightly interesting was Y/N.

It wasn’t long ago when he had met the water tribe girl. They’d first spoken during the Glacier Spirits Festival in the Southern Water Tribe.

He had been introduced to her mother, Kya, through Bolin. His younger brother was so starstruck by Avatar Aang’s only daughter, that he couldn’t help but drag along her own daughter with him for the entirety of the festival.

Bolin spent the rest of the night proudly walking alongside the teenage girl, who had to have been at least two to three years older than him.

He went around and showed her off to all of their friends from Republic City, even if they already knew her.

“Don’t make a show of it, but I know the Avatar’s granddaughter. You don’t need to be wowed or anything, it’s no big deal.”

“Bolin, I’m literally her uncle.”

Mako was one of the very last people to meet the infamous Y/N.

It was right after his argument with Korra about the situation between her father and Unalaq. His emotions were all over the place, confusion and annoyance dominated his mood.

But all of his anger dissolved with one look at her smile.

It was at that moment when Mako decided that Y/N had a gift.

She could lift someone’s spirit with a single glance. Her eyes always glowed with positivity and her soul was the purest one he had ever come across.

Y/N could be compared to the rising sun. Just by existing, she radiated more light and goodness than the greatest man on Earth could ever achieve.

It had been a very brief introduction.

“Mako, my man!” Bolin slapped his palm over the firebender’s shoulder, a cheesy side smile pointed at the teenage girl standing next to him.

“This is my good friend, Y/N. Y/N meet my big bro!”

Y/N beamed, her teeth sparkling under the moonlight. She held out her hand in a friendly manner and looked straight into Mako’s eyes, unafraid of making eye contact.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mako.” She spoke whilst shaking his hand. “I’ve only known Bolin for an hour and I feel like I already know everything about you.”

Mako groaned in embarrassment. He was always flattered by how much Bolin looked up to him, but sometimes his little brother went a little too far.

“You had an hour? Let me guess..” Mako pointedly looked at Bolin, shaking his head in amusement. “He must’ve told you our entire life story by now.”

When she laughed at his blunt attempt at a joke, Mako’s heart soared right then and there.

It was like the fire inside of him had been ignited with gasoline. but instead of her water smothering his flames..they made the grow. Made them stronger.

Though Mako hadn’t realized these lurching feelings at the time. He did have a girlfriend after all, and he liked to think he would never intentionally cheat on her.

That didn’t stop him from admiring her from afar.

Platonically of course.

There weren’t many moments after the festival where Mako found himself alone with Y/N.

He had chosen to follow Korra to open the spirit portals and Y/N went off to tour the air temples with her extended family—and if he was being honest, he hadn’t had much time to think about her between fighting off evil spirits and breaking up with his girlfriend.

It wasn’t until after Team Avatar defeated Unalaq and Vaatu, that Mako’s mind returned to his unresolved and unrealized feelings.

With the spirit portals open, the world was new again.

Thousands of people were traveling, discovering places they never knew existed, and migrating to different nations.

Luckily for Mako, Y/N had been one of those people.

It had taken her about a week to move into her apartment in Republic City.

Her flat was quaint but cosy. It had views overlooking the busy downtown and bustling people, and she had easy access to stores and shops in the neighborhood.

There was nothing wrong with her new home, but it wasn’t like the South. In fact, it was nothing like the South.

Y/N missed her friends and colleagues. She missed the chilly wind that would slice through the air and freeze her cheekbones. She missed the animals and the overall energy that the South had.

But she was open to new beginnings and new friends—and her open mindset was exactly what led her to join her family and Team Avatar on the search for new airbenders.

Which is right where Mako had left off.

The airship was dreadful, dreary, and just plain boring.

His main source of entertainment was watching a cloud disappear from his view, and then preceding to find another one for his eyes to chase.

Luckily for him, Y/N was also bored out of her mind. She had no one to talk to on the ship.

Korra? Tempting, but intimidating.

Asami? Sure if Y/N was less hippy and more business mogul.

Bolin? Yeah, she didn’t want to go down that path again.

Lin? No way.

Her actual family members? Good option—but Tenzin was boring and all Jinora did was read old scrolls.

Y/N was at a loss, and the only person that seemed remotely interesting was the brooding firebender staring out of the window.

When she approached him, Mako was at a loss for words.

He had been thinking about this moment for awhile now, and had a pun filled pick-up line ready to go, but when it came down to crunch time, he stalled.

“Hey,” Y/N smiled, gesturing to the seat next to Mako on the iron bench. “Mind if I sit?”

Mako’s mouth opened to respond, but no words came out of his mouth. He sat there like a fish out of water, nodding his head silently.

Y/N shrugged her shoulders and happily sat next to the nineteen year old.

With her being so close in proximity, Mako’s brain flashed exe.error messages through his thoughts.

They sat in a comfortable, yet also awkward silence for a long time.

Every time Mako tried to get a word out, he stumbled. His nerves overcame his speech, preventing him from sounding the least bit cool.

Scratch that. They prevented him from sounding like an actual person and not a toddler that just learned how to speak.

After what felt like generations, Mako was saved by none other than his ex-girlfriends.

“We just landed,” Korra said, waving to the former probender and his companion. A confused look flashed across her face at the sight of them so close yet so uncomfortable.

Asami then poked her head around the corner, coming into view. “Are you guys going to come out or what?”

Y/N was the first to jump up, nodding her head enthusiastically.

She nearly sprinted to the exit—not because she wanted to get away from her encounter with Mako, she was just really excited to meet new people.

Mako heaved a deep sigh when she was completely out the door and out of earshot. It felt like he could finally breathe again without the stress of being in her presence.

“You like her?” Korra crossed her arms over one another, leaning against the wall as Asami stood by her side.

“What?” Mako stuttered, his face flooding with hues of red and pink.

“Why would you say that?”

“No Way!”

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about!”

Korra and Asami loudly laughed at Mako’s rambling, while they had both been hurt by his actions in the past, they had come to forgive him—and they wanted nothing more than for him to find his special someone.

“Okay, then.” Korra shrugged, pulling Asami out of the room with her, “Whatever you say, Mako.”

Mako dropped his face into his hands, pulling at his hair as he mentally beat himself up.

“But if it matters,” he looked up to see Korra still standing at the door. A genuine smile shown on her face.

“I think you two would be perfect together.”

As Korra finally left him to himself, Mako couldn’t help but think about how lucky he was to have a friend like her.

She was everything he didn’t need in a relationship, but everything he could’ve ever wanted in a friendship.

Eventually, Mako did manage to force himself off of the airship. He helped with the little show the airbenders put on to influence others to join the nomads and even fought a few bad guys while he was at it.

He was finally having a good day, until the little punk tried to steal his wallet.

“Wait,” he ordered, pulling Kai back by the neck of his shirt. Mako held out his hand expectantly and gave the younger boy a hard look.

“I think you might have something of mine.”

Kai smiled sheepishly before pulling out the firebender’s stolen goods.

“It must’ve fallen into my pocket, my bad.”

Mako glared at the new airbender. The stare he was giving Kai was so cold, it could intimidate a pack of polar bear dogs.

“Now listen here,” he bent down to Kai’s level. His tangerine eyes meeting Kai’s green ones. “I know your game. I used to be the master at it, actually—and let me tell you that it gets you absolutely nowhere.”

Mako sighed, he already saw so much of himself in the kid that he didn’t want him to go down the same hard path that he did.

“All I want is the best for you, kid.” He patted Kai on the shoulder before sending him off to join Jinora on the ship. “Don’t mess up this opportunity.”

There were times where Mako enjoyed being the big bad cop or the authoritarian figure, but this was not one of those times.

He just wanted Kai to have the best life he possibly could.

The life he had always wanted for himself.

Unbeknownst to Mako, his secret crush had witnessed the whole ordeal.

His pure-hearted intentions touched Y/N. Acts of kindness and wellbeing always found their way into her heart, and his act of good caught her attention in a very positive way.

It caught her attention enough, that she found herself standing right behind him.

“That was really sweet what you said back there.” She told Mako, who jumped in surprise at her soft voice.

“Yeah, I tried. I’ve been where he is before. I know how it ends.”

Mako felt much more comfortable now that Y/N had started the conversation. He wasn’t afraid to give his thoughts knowing that she was the one who wanted to talk to him.

Y/N let out a low breath. Her hair willowed in the breeze, her eyes shining under the sunlight. She looked like a lost spirit.

A beautiful lost spirit, Mako thought.

“I try, too.” She whispered to him. Mako could barely hear her voice, it was so faint.

“Sometimes being there for everyone else has its downfall.” Y/N’s sparkling eyes turned dim, sadness drowned her usually uplifting features.

“I spend all my energy making sure that everyone I love is happy, but then there’s never anyone looking out for me, you know?”

Mako did know.

He knew exactly how she was feeling. He’d raised Bolin since they were children.

If anyone knew the pressures of holding onto another person’s burdens, it was Mako.

“I’ve noticed that,” Mako said, stepping closer to the girl. He could see that her eyes were welling with tears, all he wanted to do was wrap his arms around her and make all the negative energy go away.

So that’s exactly what he did.

Y/N melted into Mako’s embrace. She felt his body radiate heat, he warmed not only her body, but her heart in an instant.

“I see you, with Tenzin’s kids.” Mako ran his hand down her back, comforting Y/N as best he could. “They look up to you more than they do anyone else. You’re really amazing, Y/N. I’m surprised you don’t hear it more often.”

Right then and there, Y/N realized exactly what she needed in her life—and it was Mako.

If she was being honest with herself, he hadn’t exactly caught her eye before.

She thought he was somewhat bland at the Glacier Spirits Festival and the whole double girlfriend situation definitely didn’t spark her interest in the firebender, but now here she was..

Crying in his arms, confessing her insecurities, and feeling heard.

She had never felt heard before.

“I think you’re really amazing.” Mako blurted out.

He cringed at his confession, hoping that she didn’t take it the wrong way. If there even was a wrong way to take it.

Mako felt Y/N grow still in his arms. His heart pounded in anticipation for what her next words would be.

To his surprise she pulled away..

Before pressing a deep kiss to his lips.

Mako immediately responded. His mouth moved languidly with hers, connecting in the most perfect way, as if they were meant to be.

His entire body nearly combusted. Her bright spirit combining with his fiery one.

Mako felt like sunshine was running through his veins.

She pulled away, giving him one last chaste kiss.

“I think you’re amazing, too.”

i love feedback pls give me some

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dsmp-agere-stuff · 3 years

Note

Hello Jade ! it’s 🍒 again but could you write little!ranboo with cgs!tubbo and tommy? for plot maybe ranboo has been stressed with syndicate meetings, but when he wakes up regressed he’s confused because he’s never done it before. he becomes overwhelmed and scared so he gets tubbo. tubbo understands but has never been a cg so he calls tommy (tommy has been a cg to wilbur before) so tommy comes over, him and tubbo take care of ranboo. maybe they play hide and seek / tubbo carrying ranboo thanks!

Sorry this took me a while to get to!! It came out a lot more angsty than usual, so- beware of that.

Tw: described panic attack that ends after ——, Shame about regression, believing you aren’t deserving to regress

Ranboo rolled over in his bed and stuffed his face into the pillow, shaking his head some to burrow it in more. He pulled his blanket closer and hummed into whatever was in his arms. He whined when a piston went off somewhere and burrowed his face into the thing he was holding, which was a grass plush. He looked up once the sound was over and carefully got up, trying to find something to eat, but wobbled too much to get all the way to the fridge. He just sat down on the floor and whined to himself, going to bite his nails. He looked around for something to get, too tired, he thought, to really think. Which meant he couldn’t do anything, which sucked. He knew he had stuff to do today! He had meetings!! He had to tell Techno that Quackity was being mean!! He wasn’t supposed to be tired now!

Ranboo rubbed at his face with his sleeves to try and get the water off his face, staying on the ground as he got a message from his little communicator.

Tubbo. Tubbo was supposed to- Tubbo-

Ranboo’s Brain was far too foggy to read and he was absolutely not telling Tubbo about this of all things. So, he just slid it to the side and went from chewing on his nails to sucking on his thumb, trying to calm himself down about the meeting by reasoning with himself, which was usually the opposite of what actually happened, like this time, where he just catastrophized himself into a corner.

His communicator was an awful background noise to the whole thing as he finally got the energy to get up and start pacing around, still wobbly but needing to move in some way. He almost tripped so many times but he managed.

——

Someone knocked on the door and opened it anyway, “Why’re you ignoring me!” Tubbo joked as he knocked on the ladder downstairs, expecting Ranboo to be busy.

Ranboo let out a little whimper, shaking his head out of guilt, not getting that Tubbo was joking.

Tubbo heard the noise and ran upstairs with a laugh until he saw Ranboo and paused, “yo. You okay boss man?”

Ranboo shook his head and messed with his clothes, still pacing.

“Hey, hey.” Tubbo walked closer to him, “what’s wrong? What do you need?”

Ranboo shook his head again and rubbed at his face with his sleeves.

“Tissues?” Tubbo guessed.

“Nooo!” Ranboo Drew out in almost another whine, then looked down in what seemed like shame, still walking.

Tubbo rolled his eyes, “work with me dude.”

Ranboo made a softer version of aggressive noises he could make, still tearing up.

Tubbo sighed, “I’m calling Tommy, okay? Let’s get you to sit down, okay?”

Ranboo shook his head more.

Tubbo glanced at the block on Ranboo’s bed, “just mess with your blocks, man. I have to talk to Tommy.” Tubbo sent Tommy a message about it.

Ranboo begrudgingly went and grabbed the block, stuffing his face in it again. He continued to pace, holding the plush as tight as he could. He couldn’t remember where he got the plush from but he didn’t care, it was making him think a bit less and that helped.

Tubbo came out from the corner of the room and went over to Ranboo, “Hey, Ranboo, are you little?” He asked softly, trying to not be too alarming in case Tommy was right.

Ranboo just looked confused and shook his head, not even looking Tubbo’s way. Tubbo huffed and continued to text Tommy, “Tommy’s gonna come over to check on you, okay? He knows mental health stuff better than most of us, sadly.” Tubbo shrugged and went to the corner again

Tubbo looked around the room while Ranboo started to rock himself in place, singing to himself in light little noises.

Tommy eventually ran in and was clearly holding in his usual yells, “alright, what is this then?” He exaggerated his accent to try to cheer Ranboo up, maybe.

Tubbo sighed, “Ranboo’s being a downer- more than usual.”

Tommy watched Ranboo for a moment, then went over and tilted his head, “you scared, big man?”

Ranboo immediately shook his head and bit onto the plush, looking away from Tommy.

Tommy took a step back, “hey, hey, it’s fine.” Tommy turned to Tubbo, “he is *so* little. Tubbo, he’s literally babbling.”

Tubbo shrugged, “hey, I don’t know what it is.”

“It’s your husband!”

Tubbo sighed, “yeah, but you kinda need to tell me what to do ta- ya know- deal with it??”

Tommy rolled his eyes and shrugged, “I mean you have a kid right?”

Ranboo finally let out a little vwoop, glaring at the two’s heads.

“Sorry.” Tubbo mumbled.

“Just treat him like any other kid.” Tommy suggested.

Tubbo nodded confusedly and walked over to Ranboo, not looking up at Ranboo, “hey, big man, let’s sit on the ground, okay?”

Ranboo glanced down then carefully sat down, pulling his legs close to himself.

Tubbo smiled and laid on the ground, “you have no clue what being little is, huh?”

Ranboo shook his head.

“Well, neither do I. Tommy!” Tubbo got up and gestured for Tommy to sit down.

Tommy gave Tubbo a face then sat down in front of Ranboo. “Fine, fine.”

Tubbo smiled, “I’ll go get us food.”

Tommy and Ranboo just sat near each other for a bit, until Tommy spoke up, “sooo- regression.”

Ranboo mumbled something against the plush.

Tommy sighed and set his bag to the side and started unpacking it, “what’s a good way to phrase this... okay, okay, so you know how like, we all cope with the ssstuff that happened on the smp. The usually coping method is you know making a new country. Wonder what that says about Karl... anyway! A probably like- better one is what you’re doing, which is called, you guessed it, age regression!”

Ranboo was too tired to guess anything, trying to find a comfy spot to sit, but the floor was stone so that wasn’t happening.

“It’s like- you feel like a kid and you act like one? And it helps?” Tommy scrunched up his face, then shrugged, “Wilbur did it before... you know and like. It did calm him down some. He was really fun too, like how a puppy is fun for like the first 10 minutes, but drag it out for- I don’t know? An hour? Who cares, you get what I’m saying.”

Ranboo has absolutely no clue what Tommy was saying and just nodded, scooting closer for comfort.

Tommy rolled his eyes in mock annoyance and got close enough for Ranboo to lean on him, which he did. Tubbo came up with a bunch of crackers and things to go with it, “yooo?”

Tommy shrugged with his free shoulder and held out his hands for the food.

Tubbo set the plate in front of the two.

Tommy looked over at Ranboo, “we should get you regression things.”

Ranboo shook his head, “no nee’.”

Tommy rolled his eyes, “do.”

“No”

“You do.”

“M-m.”

“Ranboooo, come on, big man. You can’t tear your plushies to shreds.”

Ranboo pulled his mouth far away from where he was biting it, pouting and whining.

Tommy snorted, “you know I’m right.”

Ranboo shook his head, “won’ b’ b’b.”

“Huh.” Tubbo asked mid bite.

“You’re almost definitely going to be a baby again. We should be prepared for that, at least a little bit, you know?”

Ranboo stuffed his face in the plush again, “nooooo-“

Tommy huffed, “why not?”

“Go’a ‘tay biiig!” Ranboo bounced on of his legs.

Tommy shrugged, “you really don’t have to. Tubbo and I and like- your other friends can help watch you whenever.”

“Listen, if it helps you, poggers man.”

Ranboo made a loud screech and threw his plush to the wall, then ran over to his bed, getting on it and hiding under the blanket.

Tommy and Tubbo both stopped mid everything and watched Ranboo, confused as to why he was suddenly so agressive.

Tubbo took the grass plush and set it next to Ranboo on the bed. Ranboo got out of the blanket to take it and put the blanket back over. Tubbo sat in that spot and gently laughed as Ranboo immediately hugged him around the stomach. Tommy sighed and went over to the other side of Ranboo’s bed, “we’ll talk about it when you’re big. For now... how old you feel, big man?”

Ranboo shrugged and hugged Tommy’s arm, trying to hug both and the plush. Tommy messed up Ranboo’s hair, “you seem like a tiny little toddler.”

Tubbo smiled and rubbed Ranboo’s ring, “sooo, just about carrying age?”

Ranboo very audibly gasped and held his arms out.

Tubbo snorted, picking Ranboo up carefully, “there we go.”

Ranboo was immediately almost bouncing out of Tubbo’s grip out of joy. He babbled and vwooped out something neither one of them knew, but both cooed at the cute noise.

Ranboo kept babbling, pointing at things and telling them about whatever he felt like, trying to gesture to further elaborate, but at some point Tommy gave him a rattle (made from a little jar, beads, and a stick) and Ranboo gave up trying to make sense in favor of making as much noise as he could. Tubbo tried to respond as well as possible. Ranboo just enjoyed them both listening, almost talking himself back to sleep.

Tommy helped get Ranboo back in bed, “now I’m gonna get you more little toys, got it?”

Ranboo let out a good whine before shoving his face back into the grass plush.

Tubbo sighed and pet Ranboo, “you cool with me staying here?”

Ranboo nodded and gestured to Tommy with his shoulder, still nodding.

Tubbo took a breath, “we’ll be downstairs if you need anything. I’ll send Enderchest up.”

Ranboo let out a happy vwoop before genuinely trying to sleep.

“Night big man.” Tommy mumbled.

Tubbo pet Ranboo more, “Night, Ranboo. Love you.”

#agere tubbo #agere ranboo #agere tommyinnit #agere mcyt #little!ranboo #cg!tubbo #cg!tommyinnit #agere dsmp #jade writes

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mostly-marvel-musings · 3 years

Note

okay take 2! (maybe i’ll get it right this time LOL) hi!!! congrats on 1.2k! :) Can I request a headcanon or drabble (whichever you prefer) for fluff prompt 11. 3 am ice cream runs with steve rogers? thank you so much and congrats again!

Sleepless

A/N: Thank you @capwogers for requesting this and for being patient! ❤️ there’s a lot of head hopping in this.

Not my gif! Credits to the owner

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: fluff.

Requests & Challenges

Steve Rogers Taglist: @mycosmicparadise @feetoffthetablee

Everything Taglist: @godofplumsandthunder @ladyacrasia @agustdowney @swaggysposts @littlegasps @suchababie @another-stark-sub @supraveng @kahlanmars @disappointmentofthefam @pandaxnienke @tom-hlover @just-the-hiddles @asmigurub @avantgardium-leviosa @imerdwarf @gladiosamicitias @fanofalltheficsx @ladyburberry

Taglists are open! Send me an ask or DM if you wish to be included ;))

Steve Rogers was an early riser and that wasn’t a secret. On most days he’d be the only awake soul either down at the gym destroying punching bags or running along the compound periphery.

You were the polar opposite, a night owl. Someone who enjoyed the peace and quiet that night time brought along with it after the whole world went off to sleep. It was a great time to ponder upon things that were otherwise brushed under the carpet during the day.

One such night, it was a little past three in the morning when you bumped into Steve quite literally on the deserted road right outside the Avengers compound. Both of you had the same question for the other, which resulted in quiet chuckles before explaining the reason. You were having a rough night which required treating yourself, while he had trouble sleeping which required burning off some energy by going on a run.

“Would you like to—”

“Hey if you don’t mind—”

Once again you’d spoken at the exact same moment. Staring down at your feet, you laughed before inviting him along to a 24/7 grocery store that sold your favourite ice-cream.

You didn’t know one another at all. Occasional glances and warm smiles that were exchanged during your visits to the compound or when Steve would show up at the SHIELD headquarters.

There was no denying the fact that you’d find yourself wondering what the Steve Rogers was like outside the uniform, as interesting as his public persona was, you couldn’t help but wonder how he was probably like in real life, at home, with close friends.

“Did you have trouble sleeping today?” He asked, his voice soft like the breeze that blew gently in the night, the air pleasantly cool.

“Oh no I just uh, I had a bad day.” You responded, stuffing your hands in your coat pockets as you walked next to the super soldier.

“What about you?”

“I couldn’t sleep. I figured running would eventually tire me out. Plus it’s better than having Nat make me look like an old man at sparring you know.”

He added lightly, making you giggle as you turned the corner around the block and reached your destination.

Grabbing a couple of different flavours, you looked for some reusable plastic spoons to share.

If someone had said you a week ago that would be walking on empty streets next to Captain America in the dead of the night, whilst sharing a tub of vanilla chocolate chip, you wouldn’t believe it, and yet here you were now.

It was all new for him and yet it made him wonder why he hadn’t been doing this with you all along.

Every now and then you would glance at his defined torso, the tight grey T-shirt he wore helped, his presence felt calming somehow. Steve never missed a chance to adore the way your eyes closed with every spoonful of ice-cream, how with every light brush of your arm against his, his ninety year old heart hammered against his ribcage.

“I’m sorry did you say something?” You blinked, cheeks warming for having missed Steve’s words as you were too busy admiring just how pink his lips were.

“I just said this is good ice-cream.”

“Oh.” You managed to croak and nod before staring at your feet, mentally shaking yourself to pull it together.

“You’ve been staring at my face long enough for me to feel confident to do this.”

Steve said before clasping your hand in his, taking you by surprise before his words registered and you blushed a shade deeper than before.

“In my defence, I was just checking to see if Fury was right. Specimen.” You gestured up and down his body, laughing as he too chuckled and turned those piercing blue eyes on you, pulling you closer as you walked.

Neither of you wanted this ‘date’ to end but sadly it had to. Steve had insisted on walking you home and your building came into view much quicker than you would’ve liked.

“Well this is me. I had a great time.”

“So did I. Get some sleep (Y/N). Perhaps I could call you some time for a cup of coffee?” He asked with hopeful eyes.

“Sure. I’d really like that. You can keep the ice-cream by the way.”

You pointed to the forgotten bag in his hand before turning away, still grinning. You grabbed his little diary and pencil he kept in his pocket and wrote down your number. Glancing over your shoulder one last time as he stood on the curb, not ready to let you out of sight just yet.

“Good night Steve.”

“Good night (Y/N).”

Prompt List

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers one shot #steve x you #captain america fluff #captain america fanfiction #marvel fanfiction

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coexiising · 4 years

Text

Fade Into You - Chapter Four

SUMMARY ✦ Your first day at Vader’s castle.

WARNING ✦ N/A

MASTERLIST ✦ Here.

The first thing you noticed when your senses were given back to you was the warm heat emitting from whatever you were laying on. When you opened your eyes you saw that there was a small blanket draped below you, and you laid on some kind of tiny mattress. Upon further inspection, you saw that you were in some type of room - or much rather a cell, since it was clear that there was no way to get out of here. You felt overwhelmed, mentally cursing yourself to think that this could possibly work. You had walked right into the hands of a Sith, a very powerful Sith whose intentions you didn’t know at all.

Sitting up, a pounding pressure was felt in your head, it was dull and made you disoriented for a moment. Your thoughts took you back to the last moment you could remember, Vader grabbing you by the throat and pushing you up against the wall. Your head must’ve hit the rock hard and you were just now feeling the aftermath that the encounter had on your body. You could still feel the phantom touch of his hand around your throat, instinctively reaching up and touching the pads of your fingers against the nape of your neck. It was a little sore.

The room wasn’t very big, and it looked as though you were the first person to ever set foot in it before. Honestly it looked like it had been put together in a rush, possibly Vader trying to find a place for you. It wouldn’t be the first time that you had been held hostage by someone, but it was the first time that they had held you in anything other than a cell or in shackles. You knew there was no way that he would leave the door open, so there was no point in even trying.

You weren’t sure how long you sat there, scanning the area to get a good sense of your surroundings and waiting for him to come. When you did hear footsteps approaching the door, you put your legs up against your chest, watching the knob turn and there was Vader, standing with a plate in his hands. Your stomach rumbled, reminding you that you had yet to eat anything today except for a cup of tea in the Council Room. Was it even ‘today’ still? You still didn’t know how long you had been passed out for.

He kicked the door closed behind him and set the plate down on the side table. “Sorry, it’s the first time I’ve had a guest over.” There was a tone of amusement behind his voice, like he found this whole situation funny.

“I’m so honored,” You retorted, noting the slight strain in your voice that was no doubt from the choking earlier. “But I think I’ve overstayed my welcome, care to let me go?” You gestured to the door, even though there was a one in a million chance that he would actually consider such a thing. You knew that you were stuck, but maybe you could somehow speak to the part of him that you saw in your dreams.

“What happened to finding out our connection?” Vader asked. “And to think you were starting to grow on me.”

“You lied to me,” You told him, eyes squinting. The smirk left his face and was replaced with him biting his inner cheek, eyes darting to the floor and averting your gaze that stayed centered on him. You could feel it in him, that inner torment that often plagued users of the dark side. He wasn’t like this in your dreams, what had changed?

The solemn look on his face left as quickly as it came. “You shouldn’t have trusted me. Isn’t that what your Council always preaches? That the Sith cannot be trusted?”

“I thought that you were different.”

Vader looked back up at you now, eyes looking directly back up into yours. Everything about him was dark except for those eyes, which for a moment you could’ve sworn you saw a hint of blue flash across them. He couldn’t be much older than you, but he was different in many ways, you two were opposites of a sort. And yet, all you could feel was the constant push of the Force towards him, like you had felt ever since you started seeing him. He was using dark energy, but something told you that he was conflicted. Maybe, just maybe there was a chance that you could bring him back to the light side.

He sucked in a breath, ignoring your statement. “You should eat something, you were out for at least a day.” Vader motioned to the plate on the table. Now that it was eye level with you, you could see that there was a piece of some type of bread and a bowl filled with something that resembled the soup you used to be given at the temple. “And then I can give you the tour.”

“Tour?” You asked.

“You are my guest.”

From what you gathered through Vader talking as you followed him through the different rooms of the castle, you could sense that he was a little lonely. He never gave away too much about himself or his past, but there was no one else in residence here, though he did mention that his Master came sometimes to check in on him. It was as though he was a different person than who he was when he cornered you at your first meeting. You wondered why. Maybe it was because he had been threatened.

Vader mentioned that there was no way off of Mustafar. He had taken your ship to Maker knows where and there were no other ships for you to possibly hop on. So your hopes of escaping were somewhat crushed, though there was the possibility of you contacting one of your Masters if Vader kept you alone for long enough. Would they even come if you found a way to reach them? You had disobeyed their orders. No. You thought to yourself. That was just Vader’s talk getting to you. The Order cared about you and your wellbeing. They probably had search parties looking for you right now. And your friends Obi-Wan, Rex, and Ahsoka were probably worried and fronting those teams. You had nothing to worry about . . . Right?

Your footsteps stopped in their tracks when you turned a corner, being met with a familiar window and corridor. The one from your dreams. It was the same, which gave you a sense of deja vu when you resumed walking.

“This is towards the back of the castle,” Vader explained, his footsteps significantly heavier than yours against the hard floor. “I don’t know why the dreams always end up here, the only thing here is the view.” That view, which you were nearing now, looked strikingly different in real life. The lava pooled in the same way and the obsidian looked just as dark as it always did, though now you could feel the heat arise even through the glass, and you could see that there were in fact some types of animals crawling on the rocks. They looked like little salamanders, skittering across the pebbles of brimstone. And to your left you could see a clearing where some plants were living, bushels of flowers erupting from the ground.

“I thought nothing could live on Mustafar,” You said out loud. “That’s what they always told us on Coruscant.”

“There’s some indigenous plants and animals, but nothing else could be brought here to live, which was why it was never colonized,” Vader spoke.

You squint your eyes, turning on your heel. “But you live here. Isn’t that dangerous?”

“I’ve always been here,” Vader said, shrugging his shoulders. “Ever since I was young. But it’s the same thing as you and the Jedi, they’re always taking young children.”

“But that’s different. The Jedi take and train kids to be peacekeepers,” You replied. It did pain you to think that you would never know who your parents really were, or if you had a big family. But it had always been that way, the Jedi were your family, they were the ones who cared for you. “They’re trying to make a difference in the Galaxy.”

You heard him laugh, which ticked you off more than it should’ve. “They still take kids from their families.”

“Are you really trying to have a morality competition with me, when you’re a Sith?” You retorted, shutting down this conversation before it went any further. You may be stuck here and you may be connected to him, but you weren’t going to listen to him talk about the Jedi in a bad light. Those were your people, on the right side of this whole war. Just because there was no way that you were leaving any time soon didn’t mean that you were going to be converted to the dark side. If anything, all you wanted to do was figure out this whole dilemma and then cut it off and never see this ‘Darth Vader’ again unless he was at the end of your lightsaber.

Both of you were quiet then, until he said, “I do have a name, you don’t get to come to my home and not call me by it. I won’t be disrespected in my own home. I’m a Lord.”

Now it was your turn to laugh, and you did it shamelessly. Was he really speaking to you about you respecting him, when he wasn’t respecting any of your wishes?

“I’m not calling you by your Sith name,” You said.

Vader didn’t respond, instead turning and grabbing you by the arm and walking down the hall. You didn’t fight back, knowing that he was just taking you back to the room you woke up in. Apparently he’d had enough of your backtalk for today. And he didn’t say anything when he pushed you back in and closed the door. You heard the lock click and shook your head, knowing nothing good was coming out of this.

Time went by, which you spent by exploring the room in depth. There really wasn’t much, but you did find a clock that you propped up against the wall, seeing that it was getting late. And you found another blanket in one of the drawers, you covered yourself in it and sat back down on the tiny bed, if you closed your eyes you could pretend that you were back at the Temple. You reached out through the Force, but everything was blocked. Vader probably wasn’t going to allow any kind of Force communication through, and it was useless anyways. Mustafar was so far away from Coruscant, so only a Jedi passing by would be able to sense anything. And it wasn’t like they were out in this region of the Outer Rim often.

You thought that the most boring thing about the room is that there was really nothing to do. There wasn’t a holopad for you to scroll through videos and articles endlessly, and there weren't even any books for you to read. As time ticked on and it neared eleven at night, you were pretty sure that Vader wasn’t coming back.

Though, like he could sense what you were thinking, the door opened, and Vader was there. He was dressed somewhat more comfortably, a loose black shirt hung off of him unlike his normal, fitted robes. You hated to admit that he looked somewhat attractive like this, shoving those thoughts to the side and giving him a blank expression, wondering what he wanted this time.

“Are you hungry again?” Vader asked. For someone who was supposed to be a Sith, he seemed at least a little bit concerned about your wellbeing. It was as though a switch had been flipped and he was back to his more normal self, if it wasn’t for the glowing amber eyes, you would’ve almost thought that he was a normal person.

You shook your head, knowing that you could wait until the morning to eat something.

“Okay, well, then I’m going to sleep. I’m not sure what will happen now that we’re under the same roof, but from now on our main focus should be figuring out whatever is going on,” He said, like he was suggesting but you knew that it was more of a tell. You wondered what happened after you two discovered this anomaly, if he would let you go or a darker, more sinister fate would fall upon you.

You mumbled something along the lines of ‘okay’ and watched him turn around. But then he stopped, prompting you to raise an eyebrow.

Without even looking at you, he said, “It’s Anakin.” His back was turned to you but he quickly glanced at you, then immediately darted his attention back forward, like he was hiding from you. You looked at him for a moment, not knowing what he was talking about. You hadn’t ever heard that name before . . . And then it dawned on you. That was his real name, not his Sith name. Vader was telling you his real name.

“Anakin,” You said out loud, as if you were testing the name out. It felt good on your tongue, the word spilling off of it with ease. It was a strange name, but it somewhat suited him. Now you could put a name to his face, to those golden locks and the chiseled features that silently knocked your breath away. Anakin was a name of someone you could learn to get along with, Anakin was a name you could trust. That’s who he truly was, deep down, even if he didn’t know it himself. He stiffened as he heard the name come off of your lips, like he hadn’t heard someone say it in forever. It made you even more intrigued, what was his story? He said that he has been here since he was young, how young was he? Who was this Anakin?

More importantly, why hadn’t the Jedi come for him? He was obviously strong with the Force, so why had the Jedi let him slip from their fingers?

“Goodnight, Y/N,” He spoke, not giving you a moment to answer and closing the door. You sat there, thinking about Vader as you finally decided to go to sleep. There was more that met the surface of him, that was for sure, though you wondered how much he would let you know.

Sleep overcame you rather quickly, being swept up into your familiar dreamlike state. But the dream with Vader never came, no matter how much you searched your subconscious for it. Perhaps the Force didn’t want it anymore now that you two were together, maybe this meant that you were headed in the right direction. Instead of meeting Vader literally in your dreams, you found your mind thinking of him, visions of you and him walking together, talking together, laughing together. And when you woke up the next morning, instead of recoiling at the thought of Vader, you were looking forward to your next meeting, hoping that he woke up soon and you two could get started on your day.

Whatever that would entail.

#Anakin Skywalker #anakin x reader #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker x you #suitless vader #suitless vader x reader #star wars #star wars the clone wars #star wars prequels #star wars fanfiction

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