#(i am among them and in this i guess i am lucky because at least it means i also haven't had people coming at me trying to justify things)

[anonymousdandelion]

There is nothing to say, or rather there is far too much to say and I cannot find the words to say any of it.

But I will say, briefly, because there is a possibility this may actually be a useful reminder for someone: if you have Jewish friends — or others who may be being affected by what is happening in Israel — please consider reaching out and checking in to see how they're doing.

It can feel awkward, I know. I am, myself, The Worst at reaching out. Sometimes you don't know what to say. (Literally something as simple as "Just wanted to check in to see how you're doing" can mean a lot.) Or you don't want to bring uo upsetting topics. (We're already upset, I assure you, it won't be your fault.) Or you don't want to pressure them to correspond at a time when they're already potentially overwhelmed. (That's a very thoughtful concern... and you can tell them exactly that.)

Please reach out anyway. Let the people in your life know that you're there, that you care, that you are if nothing else aware.

Because it's hard, when your world has been shaken, and your loved ones are in danger or in mourning, and the people all around you are apparently living in a completely different world where nothing at all has happened.

[namazunomegami]

A healthy dose of stalker Geto thoughts

a/n: FYI, thats the result if you lock me up in an empty room with my laptop and a playlist full of mareux, NIN and MSI. At least I got a newfound love for Closer now bc some years ago a fic ruined the song for me lmao

Before you ask, yes, I have mental problems. But likes and reblogs are still appreciated <33

wc: 1919

cw: geto is fucking delulu, online stalking, serial murder, poisoning, dismemberment, geto cooks his blood into a meal, implied bondage, kidnapping, reader was abused, corruption, reader is forced to torture and kill their abuser, gore

credits: nakatsuji sakutaro for one of my fave geto fanarts ever <33, my dearest @notveryrussian for proofreading, my criminal pedagogy teacher for some interesting details about organized criminals lol and arone_cosplay on tiktok bc his scream au cosplay was the sole inspiration when I started writing

The dark content is heavy with this one so there's nothing wrong if you won't interact with this post! If my horror enthusiast bestie says that this shit is scary, believe them. Minors are gonna get kicked, obviously.

He’s definitely not that “Joe Goldberg from You” type of stalker. He despises the guy, he watches that show to have a laugh. It’s his form of disaster tourism. Geto is almost the antithesis of Joe. I was a big fan of the first season of You so let me elaborate. Joe has a savior complex and he latches onto any conventionally attractive rich woman in his proximity and tries to mold them into his ideal type (which is vulnerable, dependent, innocent, and forgiving) and when shit hits the fan he becomes a whiney little bitch saying stuff like “aww, but I did this all for you :cc” because he’s in complete denial about his crimes and psychopathic nature. Geto is the opposite, and what makes him so fucking scary is that he doesn’t need to convince himself that his actions are right. He knows he’s right.

Also, he won’t put on a fucking cap and go out on the streets to stalk you. That’s just a dumb decision, he has a job to do, and it’s easy to recognize him. But that doesn’t mean that he won’t do it in his spare time, from a comfortable distance. He only needs one of your socials and digs up every little detail about you. Your entire lore. Pictures shared by your relatives when you were just a little kid, he tracks your friends’ accounts (he wants to make sure that you’re surrounded by the right people), all the locations, cafés, restaurants you share on your instagram highlights, your celebrity crushes, all the playlists you made on spotify, everything. He gets to know you before you’re even aware of his existence, you’re an open book to him before he talks to you. It’s so easy to get a feel of your essence in the online space, use the tremendous information to his advantage, surprise you, win you over with his fake thoughtfulness.

"Aw, you’re so sweet, how did you know?"

"Lucky guess."

Yeah, a lucky guess, he just scrolled your twitter until 4 am to reach your first ever post.

The easiest way to understand how his mind works is to look at his MBTI type and I’ll try to hold myself back to not flood you all with my everlasting love for Jungian psychology and cognitive functions. INTJs are meticulous, skeptical, analytical, practical, everything is centered around a bigger, more complex system, a spiderweb of thoughts. Their subjective ideals and values have the utmost importance. They get lost in the details sometimes, but they manage to prioritize creativity and rationality in their actions and thought process. So, if we want to pick a category among murderers, he’d definitely belong into a mission oriented type (canon is my only proof for this). He couldn’t care less about money, power, or satisfying his needs for control. He’s the personification of punishment in his mind.

Evil is petty, he is petty, but not so much to just deal with every single nuisance in the shape of a person (looking at Joe again lol). He won’t go after the Karens at your workplace or the shitty classmates who just wanted their name on your assignment without any contribution. If he kills, he must kill for a valid reason and does it brilliantly. Calm and level-headed, organized, devoid of anger or any intense emotion. He makes awful lot of preparations for a kill. He studies the victim just like he studies with you. Their schedule, relationships, habits, social media presence. He’d rather arrange the scene to give the impression of an accident. Mixing cleaning products, fucking around with the heating system and letting them die of carbon monoxide poisoning or a house fire (an easy kill if the victim smokes). He rarely lets himself get carried away and get all bloody and gorey because he knows how much effort he must put into disposing of the body. But he does feel like a god during the process. That he rules over life and death. That he has the divine right to decide who should be removed from existence.

The only slightly risky thing he allows himself, is to put his earphones in and call you up while dismembering a corpse. Good thing that his grandma has no use for that big ass meat grinder, a literal jackpot for getting rid of the bodies. His voice is soothing, so sweet you can turn into a blushing and giggling mess, but you can still hear the loud chopping noises as he severs the body parts right at the joints. He shrugs it off that he’s just meal prepping.

You believe him, you don’t question him further. But he does cook a delicious meal just for you and sends it to your workplace. And you have absolutely no idea that he was thinking about cutting up the ingredients with the same knife he killed his victim with. Luckily, he changed his mind. You don’t deserve to have any remnants of a lowlife in your system. But the idea was nice, just like how modern witches tie their favorite person to them. There’s something ritualistic about blood consumption in his mind that he can’t explain. Hopefully, a few drops of his own didn’t ruin the meal. At least you weren’t complaining about the metallic taste. He doesn’t mind he has to live off on two cans of Monster because he pulled an all-nighter. You’re falling head over heels for him so it’s worth the suffering.

The only thing that makes his heart ache is that as your relationship develops, he must use you to forge his alibis. He immediately copied the keys to your apartment, without your knowledge of course. Sometimes he drops by when you’re absent, goes through your stuff, sniffs around, looking for trinkets. He comes over specifically when he plans to kill his next victim. Sneaks out in the middle of the night, kills them, then goes back to your place and crawls back next to you. And he’s as silent as a cat, as a phantom, as a ghost.

He’s a fucked up man in every aspect. You think he’s too hyper fixated on restraints and bondage. He’s far too keen to spend an excruciatingly long time arranging the rope in an aesthetically pleasing way, or have the gag’s and blindfold’s colors match perfectly. His creativity and imagination are running wild when you’re the rigger. You almost question his sanity when he asks you to use cable ties and masking tape on him. What does he want? To feel tortured? Deep down he’s fascinated with the feelings a potential victim might experience. A taste of distress, vulnerability, helplessness that he usually has no chance to feel, yet he’s thrilled about it. You still won’t suspect a thing, everybody’s got a weird kink or two that they can’t explain, right?

He knows that one day, you’ll discover his secret. That he can’t hide it forever and even though he justifies his vile actions by giving it a noble cause, he must earn your forgiveness. He deliberately kept those who hurt you mostly alive. Whether it’s a bully, the shittiest ex known to mankind, or an abusive parent. He knows he has no right to kill them. But he can bring them to your basement, gagged and tied up. The best birthday gift ever is to let you have your revenge, right? Or maybe he just wants somebody as irredeemable as him, like he’s undeserving of anything nice in life so he must break it, tarnish it, ruin it. The world is a such a cruel place for kind spirits, he feels the need to corrupt them. Bring them down to his level.

He lined up a bunch of tools, a wooden bat, scissors, knives, razor blades, a hatchet, a hammer. He transformed the basement into a makeshift rage room. You don’t dare to cry, run, or scream at him, the person before your eyes makes you freeze completely, your features are distorted in dread. An old response got triggered, your nervous system remembers those years, you’re flooded with memories. You feel yourself regressing back to the victim you once were and that’s the process that Geto wants to stop once and for all. It’s so strange that you find safety in his presence and his firm hold above your elbows. He’s looming over you like a shadow, a shroud. Like the devil on your shoulder. Cooing in your ear to pick up something and have fun, let your rage cloud your mind, make them relive your pain. Don’t worry about a single thing because he will do all the clean-up. And you have no idea why, but you accept.

It’s strangely comforting. You feel in control, all-powerful, accomplished. It feels better than it should. It feels so right but it shouldn’t. There’s no guilt in you, only endorphins running rampant in your veins. The dopamine rush enslaves you, fills your brain with white noise. The pain does fade a little or something just irrevocably breaks in you. Maybe you’re just as fucked up as him and you managed to bury it in the deepest corner of your psyche. All bottled up for years like the most exquisite French wine, chained just like a beast but now it’s freed. Your reward is a bloody pile of flesh and guts that once was a person, and utter devotion gleaming in Geto’s eyes.

Your consciousness gets clearer, you notice the sensation of being drenched in blood and sweat when the realization hits you that there’s no going back. Now, you’re sticked together for life. You know his dirty little secret and now you’ve forged your own that he can blackmail you with if you ever want to get away from him. But why would you do that? You’re everything he needs and he’s all you have.

[mrs-monaghan]

It doesn't mean JK doesn't trust Jimin

Proceeds to write an essay which only means JK doesn't trust Jimin with RM at all. Oh and should I remind you RM and Jimin and living in same apartment complex???? While JK is living in whole another place ???

Tbh IF jkk are a couple I can die on a hill to prove Jimin will never be unfaithful to JK but things you all write these days are just not it. For any reader it strikes as JK is too insecure about Minimoni's relationship. All while it's obvious RM is someone Jimin respects deeply and RM is always ready to help Jimin with anything. Their bond is strong because both are very mature people who mutually respect each other.

People like you who lack reading comprehension skills really do my head in. If you don't understand something come and ask me. I am MORE than happy to explain and clarify.

First of all, anyone with eyes can tell JK has never truly settled in Brunnen. People make jokes about him living like a frat boy because of how empty the place looks. It's coz that's not his home. His home is where Jimin is. Them fighting on that run episode was not for naught. First the lamp

then the couch and TV

That seemed way too natural. Like they've done that many times before. Jimin knew they would have different opinions coz its happened b4. And JK has great taste btw. Him and Jhope are the neatest members so I expect his actual home looks very stylish and very well furnished. Nine-one is their shared home so Minimoni being neighbours is irrelevant.

When exactly did I say Jimin has ever been or would ever be unfaithful to JK??? I see its come for Shaz day, today. I have said over a million times Jikook have been with each other and only each other since day one. I have also said many times all members not just Minimoni love and respect each other. But I guess u didn't see those posts, huh? How convinient.

My post was about one particular topic and that topic was the only one that I addressed. It had nothing to do with how Minimoni are outside of Jikook.

You saying that post was about how JK doesn't trust Jimin is fucking bull. JK being possessive and territorial over Jimin has nothing to do with trust. I've said it before, but if Jikook were not hiding, if they were public, JK wouldn't act the way that he does. He wouldn't need to claim Jimin.

things you write these days are just not it.

Nigga no one is forcing you to be here. Unfollow or block, you don't gotta see my shit! You're coming off like you don't believe that JK gets bothered or annoyed which is just lies Jikookers tell themselves for what reason, idk.

This man used the wrong fucking entrance just so he would be the one sitting next to Jimin and not Suga. Riddle me why he would do that? Please.

I'm guessing you also ignore the tongue in cheek thing he used to do when bothered or annoyed? Well then explain to me why he does it here when he hears that Jimin, V and Jin went hiking together.

Last but not least this anti Minimoni moment where JK touches RM but when Jimin reaches for him JK prevents that from happening. It's very subtle and easy to miss but it's been kindly zoomed in for us here with dramatic music to boot

(Watch V watching JK's hands and see for yourself that that really happened. V sees everything) Here is the original thanks to @chim-chim1310 as always 😘😘 It makes sense that JK did that since everyone was just praising RM in that moment. 🤭🤭

But my point is this is just a JK thing that has nothing to do with him not trusting Jimin. From what I've gathered its actually normal in SK for men to be this territorial about their other halves.

I know it's taboo among Jikookers to talk about this side of Jikook. But just because I came along and I ain't afraid to bring up this sensitive topic doesn't mean u can come for me and call me a liar. You don't like me, block me. You wanna stick around then bloody get used to it.

Normalise discussing Jimin and JK being bothered by certain things when it comes to eo.

Oh! And should I remind you RM and Jimin and living in the same apartment complex????

With 4 question marks. Bitch please! As if we don't all know about this account that sells beds and only follows Jikook.

Jikook were rumoured to be seen walking into a furniture store only for this account to follow them not long after. Now they're only following Jimin but that's because Mr. Rebel deleted his IG. Jikook live together anon, so don't talk to me about Minimoni being neighbours. It means fuck all in relation to the topic at hand.

Next time fix your tone when you need clarification from me or keep your damn reservations to yourself.

[moonschildsworld]

I am not (a serie)

featuring: itoshi brothers x fem! reader

⚠️warning: heavy topics, major character death, mentions of mental instability, mentions of sh!, heavy angst

summary: Y/n, Sae & Rin became friends as if they were destined to after y/n moved into the neighborhood from the city. God had more in plans for them rather than an everlasting beautiful friendship. A love triangle happens, then everything else went downhills.

Chapter. 1 "I am not him"

Y/n, Sae and Rin, the trio that no one hasn’t not heard of, well around the neighborhood at least. It was as if destiny was the one who arranged the three kids fate to aligned; It all started on one eventful evening. It was raining cats and dogs as if showing a sign to something, Thunder clashing, elders often said it's to mark the start of an ill-fated story, it's just an old saying though, right?

Two little boys and a strange girl who has just moved from the city ended up sharing warmth under the playground as they share a shelter from the rain, shivering from the cold, they tried their best to comfort each other pretending that they weren’t scared of the thunder and lightning themselves, nevertheless even with the gloom evening, a very beautiful friendship bloomed within the three little kids.

Therefore begins, the flowery and loving friendship. You would often spot the three together at any time of the days. Most often, the two brothers would be playing soccer together as the girl is left on the sideline watching them, (and contradictorily to what she says, she would often be cheering for a side that she does a lucky draw every morning to decide)

Adolescent attacks, as cliché as it may sound, romance seem to inevitably bloom within their circle too. Though two feelings are mutual, and one is left hidden forever? Now can you guess which two among the three? Here’s a hint, y/n and sae are the same age, thus study in the same grade leading them to spending almost every single minutes of the day together aside from when they part way to get some sleep. Rin is often seen trailing along behind the two after school.  

Who knew that a lifetime peace wasn’t in god’s plan when he made their fate aligned? There’s been ups and downs. For instance, when Sae was set to go to Spain after discovering his passion for soccer and the “humble” skill of his wasn’t suitable to waste it by playing only for the school’s team nor as an everyday hobby. Thankfully, as if god answers the little ones’ wish for Sae to come back, he did. But maybe there were some sacrifices that had to be made because he came back as an entirely different Sae. He became colder, more impatient and he rarely ever look at anyone at their eyes level, his brother no exception. Rin was heartbroken of course, he had only known despair after, despair turns into desperation. Desperation to do anything just so his brother would look at him with the same kind eyes he once did again. He made his resolve to beat his brother in his own career. Not accepting the brotherhood that had fallen “temporarily” or at least Rin thinks so, until he beats his brother at least, he created another situation for him to still be connected to his brother.

One exception to his coldness was you, instead of the relationship turning sour between the two of you, it turned even sweeter. You remember how he rang the door bell of your house the minutes he came back, with sweat dripping along his temples, his face still looks as blank as ever, one thing that was different was his eyes, those aqua orbs that were staring right into your already shocked self, “I like you” he spits it out after a few huffing to catch his breath. After years of denying both of your feelings for each other, both afraid to ruin the friendship that you both had built over the past decade. Though it’s all useless now that you jumped into his arms right after, there’s nothing more to conceal the feelings you both had for each other.

After that, as if all your worries about what would happened if something goes wrong with your relationship all seem useless, it is a smooth sail. You both were inseparable, The love you both had for each other was phenomenal, to stretch it-- out of the world. You don't see yourself loving anyone other than Sae, so does he. The Sae that you had was the Sae nobody had ever seen, the endearing and loving Sae. The Sae that cater to you and you only. The only minor problem was that— Sae often have oversea schedules that would last to a week to at least a month, it is really no big deal though as Sae would remember to video call you or text you often. You could imagine your future with him really clearly, no matter where you go, he's always in your future. It was a given that you both would last together forever.

Rin, on the other hand, had grown rather distant after everything. One thing was that it was awkward enough for him to face his brother, or more like Sae didn’t want to even spare a glance at him. Another thing was that, it hurts him more than he thinks to see you both stuck like glue to each other. It hurts him that he sees not a slightest chance with you, he had always known. From the moment he accepted his feelings to the moment where he catches how you both were looking at each other. He'll always be Sae's younger brother, his tag along that over the time, it seemed normal for you to call him little bro too. There was once a place for him whether in between or on the sideline with the both of you. You often reach out to Rin out of concern, you adored Rin after all— nothing more than a younger brother to Rin’s disappointment. He was out of your way, for your goods and his own too.

That is until, a devastating news reach his ears, “your brother is in the emergency room, Rin” rin could hear how her mother sniffling her cries as his father was beside her, trying his best to comfort his wife while he’s breaking down inside himself. “t-the plane crashed mid-way as it took off…” Swallowing her sniffles, she tries her best to explain the situation but soon broke down as rin could hear the sound of the phone dropping hard on the ground from the other line.

Rin has never recall any moment that he has been panicking like this, there were many things running through his head.

‘what the hell happened?’

‘how could this happen?’

‘has she heard the news yet?’

Clenching hard onto his phone, he dashes out of the training center not bothering to change from his practice clothes full of sweats. He rushes to his car, and there he took a few deep breathe, his eyes full of tears that were threatening to fall as he hit the wheel exasperatedly a few time before stepping on the gas and charged toward the designated hospital.

His body stumbling as he ran as fast as he could upon exiting the car, his body shut down as his eyes lay on the sight of the professionals pushing a bed out of the emergency room with grim faces. Part of his head was praying, he came to the wrong emergency room, maybe the right one is at the other side of the hall. Though the crimson red hair proves him otherwise. He was watching everything unfolded, all his body senses left him, his body not moving an inch as he watches his parents bolting to the doctor as they ask them frantically about Sae’s condition only for their last hope to be shot down by a sullen head shake from the doctor. Only when his mother fainted as she heard the news that Rin body started to move toward his mother and hold her.

The nurses that were on stand by rushed quickly to escort Rin’s mother into a secluded room to check on her condition. It was the first time ever that Rin had heard his father wail out of loud as his body collapsed up front as he punches the hospital floor until his knuckle bleeds. Rin watches all the scenes unfold with eyes that were seemingly drained out of color. His eyes then shot up as he spots a familiar figure crouching in front of the emergency room, her face buried into her knees. Rin knew at once who that woman is, and his body moves on its own as its jolt up sloppily, he bolts to her— almost crawling on four. Rin takes one big gulp before calling out to y/n “Sis..” the familiar nickname and one that leaves a painful stench in Rin's chest slide out of his mouth out of habit.

Silence, no response from her. It was as if her whole body stop functioning. Panicking, rin glances at her from the side, her chest seems to rising up and down in steady motion meaning she’s stable in that sense thankfully. Rin didn’t give up and try to call out to y/n a couple more times, to no avail and not a single sound uttered from her back. Rin felt his heart clenching, he knew that y/n wouldn’t be okay at this moment. Not when Sae had been with her half of her life, she wholeheartedly depends on Sae. Everyone could see that. She’s the most at peace when she’s with Sae. With Sae, her smile could outshine the sun. Now that Sae is..

Rin bites his lip, finding his calling out to her was useless. He infuriated himself, couldn’t he make one person happy? No, it doesn’t matter how many people he could make happy, all that matters is her. His fingers inadvertently sink deeper and deeper into his thighs as he stares at y/n helplessly. Sae would’ve made her smile in a heartbeat, Sae would’ve know just the right thing to cheer her up. Maybe it’s just Sae himself. I've known that, I've come to accept it long ago. I can’t do anything, I am not him.

To be continue.

author note: hello! i got a great idea for a series, i am not quite sure if i can pull it off but i'll do my best! i hope you enjoy the first chap that serves as a light introduction :) feed backs are always welcome and well appreciated!

p.s: i love when people associate my works with songs, so if any songs remind you of this work, make sure to let me know. i always appreciate a good song rec<3

[theshoesofatiredman]

“Why worship a God that says that?”

Yeah, I do think that is a very core of the matter. Going off-topic for a bit; that somewhat reminds me of several denominations (ahem, cults) that preach, 'give the church money, and you will be richly rewarded.'

And, at least in my own answer, it's because of an entirely materialistic reason. For the above sect, it's simple human greed. For your own question, it is another entirely human reasoning. But still ─ human.

Your question doesn't really have a universal answer, does it? Because the question I answer is, “why follow a God that says that?”

When you know the answer is materialism and human desire ─ it becomes incredibly simple to replace the word God with human teachings/cults/sect/lies, among others.

The answer for worship is entirely different. And, since you are an atheist, I do assume this is a question for every religion, right?

Why did people worship Baal and sacrificed babies to him? Why do satanists worship the Devil? The Aztecs, whose worship also consisted of human sacrifices?

Did they truly believe in what they did for their Gods?

I think they were crazy and that those sacrifices were an offering to the Devil. But that's kind of a silly thing to say to an atheist.

To be frank ─ the Truth matters. And it's not that women shouldn't wear pants to church, or that you shouldn't kiss before marriage ─ or that my denomination is correct, and everyone else's is wrong.

 Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” ─ John 14:6.

Peel back every layer, of every Christian denomination, and that should be its core; it is what I believe, and it is why I worship.

The Truth, I find, is a very simple thing. And… though you don't believe that is what it is ─ it is not in my power to change you; nor is it my purpose.

I guess I'll ask you the same question about John 14:6. Why worship a god that says that? When we know that the best indicator for what religious beliefs you hold is where you're born and what religion your parents are, doesn't it seem tremendously unfair that the offer of salvation is limited to whether or not a person is able to believe in Jesus as the only way?

As someone who was indoctrinated into Christianity, I know how hard it is to deconvert when it's the way you understand the whole world, when it's the tie that binds your most important community together. I am lucky enough to live in a place where I don't face death for my unbelief, but that's not true for everyone. There are people around the world being indoctrinated into the "wrong religion" and not only will that severely damage their ability to sincerely believe anything else, but they are going to face tremendous consequences if they dare to change what they believe.

It seems wrong that those people, with so much stacked against them, are required to do the same thing as the person born into an American Evangelical Christian family, where belief in Jesus is easy and 'risk free'. This choice to follow Jesus is so highly valued within Christianity, the determiner of eternal salvation, but it's barely even a choice at all. It's practically an outcome of a person's birth circumstances.

Why worship a god who distributes salvation like that?

I do specifically use worship as opposed to 'follow' or 'believe in' because I think it cuts to the heart of the matter more quickly. Plus there are many other things people would say they follow or believe in besides God. But I truly want to know why they think their God is worthy of worship, of reverence, of adoration, of ceaseless praise, when held up next to what I view at least as the problems with their god's words and deeds. Does a god whose offer of salvation is so demonstrably unfair deserve to be forever exalted?

I don't need myself or others to believe in the ' capital T' Truth anymore, because I don't interface with that idea the same way. I still think there are things that are true or untrue obviously, but I don't think there's only one good way to live your life anymore. I don't think religions and religious beliefs are without their purpose and I think that they evolved with humanity to meet real human needs. How do we deal with grief and loss? How do we treat our fellow man? How do we cope with suffering? If I want religious belief to end because I find it to be untrue, I want it to die a slow death, one that allows time for society to transition its members to other ways of finding meaning and dealing with the tough questions every person has to wrestle with as a part of the human experience. I don't need you or anyone else to be an atheist.

I am now focused much more on harm reduction when it comes to religious beliefs. If a person's theological practice means they want to pass laws that harm LGBTQ+ people, then i think they need to be stopped and the harm from their beliefs called out. The average American Christian is barely aware of the way their scripture was used to support and enforce chattel slavery in their country. I hope someday people get to live in a world where it's the same for queer people. Not because I want people to be ignorant of the past, but because I want the harm being done to people to end. And theological change so powerful it seems like it always was that way would probably go a long way in sparing queer people the pain I went through as a gay man in a fundamentalist community.

That's obviously a big one and one we might not even be aligned on idk. But there are smaller ones and ones that overlap with some religious practices. For example, I would say that most Christians think it's fine to kiss before marriage. I told my friend that it was a more extremist and fundamentalist position, not as a moral judgment, but as a way of saying that most Christians don't share that belief. My friend can do whatever he wants to do with his body and so long as he finds a partner who shares that same belief and is okay with not kissing I think it's fine. I think his life is worse off for it, but if people are allowed to do whatever they want with their own bodies that includes things that make them worse off. But I don't want my friend to tell other people that this is the only righteous way to date. Because that is going to harm people and contribute to the culture of sexual shame that I would say is pervasive inside Christianity. And idk how to harm reduction that without trying to change his belief, since the way he interfaces with his religious beliefs is that the one right way for him is the one right way for everyone. It's the way of thinking about the capital T truth that we were both taught. Jesus said I am the way the truth and the life, no one comes to the father except through me. And bundled up in that was "there is one way to live a righteous life and anything outside that is sinful and wrong."

[vashhanamichi]

INTERVIEWER

I worry that—in America at least—the act of critical thinking is being devalued from a cultural perspective. Do you notice that as a thinker or teacher?

CARSON

That’s part of the thing that made me start thinking about hesitation. The last few years I was teaching, I was teaching ancient Greek part of the time and writing part of the time. And the ancient Greek method when I was in school was to look at the ancient Greek text and locate the words that are unknown and look them up in a lexicon. And then find out what it means and write it down. Looking up things in a lexicon is a process that takes time. And it has an interval in it of something like reverie, something like suspended thought because it’s not no thought because you have a question about a word and you attain that as you go through the pages looking for the right definition, but you’re not arrived yet at the thought. It’s a different kind of time, and a different kind of mentality than you have anywhere else in the day. It’s very valuable, because things happen in your thinking and in your feeling about the words in that interval. I call that a hesitation.

Nowadays people have the whole text on their computer, they come to a word they don’t know, they hit a button and instantly the word is supplied to them by whatever lexicon has been loaded into the computer. Usually the computer chooses the meaning of the word relevant to the passage and gives that, so you don’t even get the history of the word and a chance to float around among its possible other senses.

That interval being lost makes a whole difference to how you regard languages. It rests your brain on the way to thinking because you’re not quite thinking yet. It’s an absent presence in a way, but it’s not the cloud of unknowing that mystics talk about when they say that God is nothing and you have to say nothing about God because saying something about God makes God particular and limited. It’s not that—it’s on the way to knowing, so it’s suspended in a sort of trust. I regret the loss of that.

INTERVIEWER

Do you think that our experience of time has something to do with the way that we pay attention? Do you think that someone who reads a lot would experience time differently from someone looking at screens all day?

CARSON

That seems to imply judgment. I’m not sure. What I am sure of is that we seek out ways to make time stop. That only happens in moments of total attention, which is why we pursue them. I suppose that can happen when you watch a movie on Netflix. Or when you’re deep in the midst of composing your best poem. Either of them can provide a focus of attention that you can enter, disappear into. My only interest in dealing with time is to find ways to make it stop. Because when it doesn’t stop, you’re in boredom.

You’re watching it go by, and there’s nothing happening in it enough to fill it. Enough to take you away from misery. I don’t find much of a middle ground between boredom and whatever the other thing is … immortality, I guess. Forgetting time.

To be out of time, to be in that other state, is completely fun. So fun that you forget worrying about time.

INTERVIEWER

Do you spend hours at a time in that state?

CARSON

Minutes maybe, if I’m lucky.

[ptsd-phoenix]

22 april 2024 - have a feeling this will be venty

I have that feeling cause I just started dissociating as I opened this. Maybe I already did before. Am I forgetting why I wanted to make this post? It's getting harder to breathe? Why? What a strange feeling. Overwhelming. Fear in my arms again. Let me move my body around and come back to this. Maybe get a sour candy. Smell a scent stick.

It helped a bit. I have a little spiky ball and I grabbed a plushie to hug. The sour candy was nice. My head started hurting though. I'm still feeling triggered. I don't really know why.

I've not been able to write much on here cause I keep dissociating too much or feel too triggered. I don't remember what the last thing I wrote was..

It makes sense though. Even though I've been very lucky with lot's of rain and cloudy weather!! The plants still grow though, perhaps even more with all the water. Sometimes the rain makes them emit more scent. Like the earth itself will smell. I still don't know what the sources are for the scents that trigger me. It's likely a cocktail of many different things.

I find it hard to actually stand still and face the triggers instead of rushing and trying to get away faster. I've tried standing still and it just keeps building up and up and it makes me want to give up before it starts decreasing, though I did it today too and I focused really hard on grounding and it felt like I had at least taken the edge of. But yeah I am surely avoiding it, I guess I don't feel strong enough to bear the pain perhaps. Or well, it's normal to want to go away from pain. At least I still take my dog for walks and walk through the areas where the scents are bad.

I also said to my therapist last week I felt the trauma I wanted to process that session wasn't bad enough to warrant processing. She replied saying that if that were the case we could start the processing and if we discovered it was no big deal for me then I would be feeling fine and we could just do something else. Obviously it was a big deal for me. I did partly process some triggers during the EMDR as well.

It also makes sense because a big triggering holiday is coming up this week. I've been sensing it's approach for some weeks now. I will do exposure during it. Actually.. it might be good to process that in my next therapy session too. Let me look something up in my trauma diary.. (not the best idea, I admit)

I ended up reading the whole diary. It makes me see how far I have come in my healing. Comparing my current situation to back then. That is hopeful.

Someday, a future me will be reading these journal entries. And they will think what I think now: "wow, I've improved so much compared to the past"

Hope.

This is but a moment in time. A painful journey to travel.

On a brighter side. I purchased VIP tickets to go see a concert and get my album signed and meet the artists. This year is a good concert year for sure. Going to concerts by myself opens up a lot of fun experiences.

I have also been working on my sleeping schedule as much as I've been able to hold myself accountable. Which is why right now I need to turn off my pc and get into bed. I've purchased a white noise machine and I've been using multiple different sound options to fall asleep. It really does make me feel safer in bed. It's a noticeable difference.

I can do this. Being triggered might make it feel like the world is standing still but this is just another day among many. The sun will set and rise again.

Dissociation doesn't last forever. It comes and goes. I will feel fully grounded again. I wont feel this way forever. I wont get 'stuck in this setting'.

Even if my dreams wont be good I will wake up and get to experience a new day and my dreams can be forgotten again.

I can recharge in bed with my plushie. It's okay to feel scared. But there is no danger in bed. The music box will be there for a comforting melody. It will be okay.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

Watch this video first, then scroll down.

I want to do a quick exercise. Close your eyes.

I want you to picture your best friend. Think about what specifically you love about them. What trait makes them them?

Now open your eyes.

I don't know what each of you came up with, but I'm pretty sure I know what you didn't come up with. I’m pretty sure none of you thought, "What makes Jim Jim is the fact that he's six-foot-two and a redhead." I'm guessing you chose their inner qualities, their sense of humor, their generosity, their intelligence, qualities they would have no matter what they looked like.

There's one more quality I'm pretty sure you didn't choose. Their race.

Of all the things you could list about somebody, their race is just about the least interesting you can name, right down there with height and hair color.

Sure, race can be good source material for jokes at a comedy club, but in the real world, a person's race doesn't tell you whether they're kind or selfish, whether their beliefs are right or wrong, whether they'll become your best friend or your worst enemy.

But over the past ten years, our societies have become more and more fixated on racial identity.

We've all been invited to reflect on our inner whiteness or inner Blackness, as if these racial essences define who we are.

Meanwhile, American society has experienced the greatest crisis in race relations in a generation. Gallup has been asking Americans how they feel about race relations, and this chart is the result.

So as you can see, between 2001 and 2013, most Americans felt good about race relations. Then both lines take a nosedive.

It's no exaggeration to call this one of the greatest crises of our time. And clearly we need new ways of thinking about race if we're going to reverse this trend.

So today I'm going to offer an old idea, but it's an idea that's been widely misunderstood.

You've probably heard it before. It's called color blindness. What do I mean by color blindness? After all, we all see race. We can't help it. And what's more, race can influence how we're treated and how we treat other people.

So in that sense, nobody is truly colorblind. But to interpret the word colorblind so literally is to misunderstand it.

Colorblind is a word like warmhearted. It uses a physical metaphor to capture an abstract idea. To call someone warmhearted isn’t to talk about the temperature of their heart but about the kindness of their soul.

And similarly, to advocate for color blindness is not to pretend you don't notice race. It's to support a principle that we should try our best to treat people without regard to race, both in our personal lives and in our public policy.

And you might be thinking, what's so controversial about that? Well, the fact is the philosophy of color blindness is under attack.

Critics say that it's naive or that we're not yet ready for it as a society or even that it's white supremacy in disguise.

And many people agree with these feelings.

[ Continued... ]

--

By: Coleman Hughes

Published: Sep 26, 2023

Like any young writer, I am well aware that an invitation to speak at TED can be a career-changing opportunity. So you can imagine how thrilled I was when I was invited to appear at this year’s annual conference. What I could not have imagined from an organization whose tagline is “ideas worth spreading” is that it would attempt to suppress my own. 

As an independent podcaster and author, I count myself among the lucky few who can make a living doing what they truly love to do. Nothing about my experience with TED could change that. The reason this story matters is not because I was treated poorly, but because it helps explain how organizations can be captured by an ideological minority that bends even the people at the very top to its will. In that, the story of TED is the story of so many crucial and once-trustworthy institutions in American life.

Let’s go back to the start.

This past April, I gave a talk at the yearly TED conference in Vancouver, Canada. In my talk, I defended color blindness: the idea that we should treat people without regard to race, both in our personal lives and in our public policy. (This is also the topic of my forthcoming book.) 

Even though a majority of Americans believe that color-blind policies are the right approach to governing a racially diverse society, we live in a strange moment in which many of our elite believe that color blindness is, in fact, a Trojan horse for white supremacy. Taking that viewpoint seriously—while ultimately refuting it—was the express purpose of my talk. 

As you might imagine, TED is an unbelievably well-oiled machine. In the weeks and months leading up to the conference, I wrote my talk, revised it in conjunction with TED’s curation team, and cleared it with their fact-checkers. I have never prepared more thoroughly for a talk. On April 19, I stepped onstage in front of an audience of nearly 2,000 people and delivered it.   

TED draws a progressive crowd, so I expected that my talk might upset a handful of people. And indeed, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a handful of scowling faces. But the reaction was overwhelmingly positive. The audience applauded; some people even stood up. Throughout the meals and in hallways, people approached me to say they loved it, and those who disagreed with it offered smart and thoughtful criticisms. 

But the day after my talk, I heard from Chris Anderson, the head of TED. He told me that a group called “Black@TED”—which TED’s website describes as an “Employee Resource Group that exists to provide a safe space for TED staff who identify as Black”—was “upset” by my talk. Over email, Chris asked if I’d be willing to speak with them privately. 

I agreed to speak with them on principle, that principle being that you should always speak with your critics because they may expose crucial blind spots in your worldview. No sooner did I agree to speak with them than Chris told me that Black@TED actually was not willing to speak to me. I never learned why. I hoped that this strange about-face was the end of the drama. But it was only the beginning.

On the final day of the conference, TED held its yearly “town hall”—at which the audience can give feedback on the conference. The event opened with two people denouncing my talk back-to-back. The first woman called my talk “racist” as well as “dangerous and irresponsible”—comments that were met with cheers from the crowd. The second commentator, Otho Kerr, a program director at the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, claimed that I was “willing to have us slide back into the days of separate but equal.” (The talk is online, so you can judge for yourself whether those accusations bear any resemblance to reality.)

In response to their comments, Anderson took the mic and thanked them for their remarks. He also reminded the audience that “TED can’t shy away from controversy on issues that matter so much”—a statement I very much agreed with and appreciated. Because he said as much, I left the conference fairly confident that TED would release and promote my talk just like any other, in spite of the staff and audience members who were upset by it. 

Two weeks later, Anderson emailed to tell me that there was “blowback” on my talk and that “[s]ome internally are arguing we shouldn’t post it.” In the email, he told me that the “most challenging” blowback had come from a “well-known” social scientist (who I later learned was Adam Grant). He quoted from Grant’s message directly:

Really glad to see TED offering viewpoint diversity—we need more conservative voices—but as a social scientist, was dismayed to see Coleman Hughes deliver an inaccurate message. His case for color blindness is directly contradicted by an extensive body of rigorous research; for the state of the science, see Leslie, Bono, Kim & Beaver (2020, Journal of Applied Psychology). In a meta-analysis of 296 studies, they found that whereas color-conscious models reduce prejudice and discrimination, color-blind approaches often fail to help and sometimes backfire.

I read the paper that Grant referenced, titled “On Melting Pots and Salad Bowls: A Meta-Analysis of the Effects of Identity-Blind and Identity-Conscious Diversity Ideologies,” expecting to find arguments against color blindness. I was shocked to find that the paper largely supported my talk. In the results section, the authors write that “colorblindness is negatively related to stereotyping” and “is also negatively related to prejudice.” They also found that “meritocracy is negatively related to discrimination.” 

I wrote back to Anderson:

Far from a refutation of my talk, this meta-analysis is closer to an endorsement of it.  The only anti–color blindness finding in the paper is that color blindness & meritocracy are associated with opposing DEI policies. Well, I do oppose race-based DEI policies in most (but not all) cases. Unapologetically. But that is a philosophical disagreement, not an example of me delivering incorrect social science.  I feel it would be unjustified not to release my talk simply because many people disagree with my philosophical perspective. By that standard, most TED talks would never get released.

To which he responded: “Thanks, Coleman. Great note. More soon.” 

Before this email exchange, I hadn’t seriously considered the possibility that TED might not post my talk at all. What’s more, the fact that the “most challenging” blowback to my talk was a social science paper showing that color blindness reduces stereotyping and prejudice puzzled me.

About a week later, I received an email from Whitney Pennington Rodgers, the current affairs curator at TED and the point person for the curation of my talk. Whitney said that in lieu of releasing my TED talk normally, TED was inviting me “to participate in a moderated conversation that we would publish as an extension of your talk.” I’m always happy to converse and debate, so I agreed—too hastily, in retrospect. I had assumed that the phrase “an extension of your talk” was meant metaphorically—i.e., that this “moderated conversation” would be a separate video. Only later in the email exchange did I realize that it was meant literally. In other words, TED wanted my talk and this “moderated conversation” to be released as a single, combined video. 

I had two problems with this. First, it would hold the release of my TED talk hostage to the existence of this other “moderated conversation” (which at the time was not guaranteed to happen at all). Secondly, I worried that tacking a debate to the end of my TED talk would effectively put an asterisk next to it. It would imply that my argument ought not be heard without also hearing the opposing perspective—that it shouldn’t be absorbed without a politically palate-cleansing chaser. Given that my talk had passed the initial fact-checking, the curation team, and had been cleared by Anderson and Rodgers themselves, I saw no reason why it wouldn’t be released and promoted as any other talk would be. I told Rodgers as much over a Zoom call. 

Because she and I were unable to come to an agreement, I had a follow-up call with Anderson. On that call, he conceded that his employees’ anger stemmed from political bias, but nevertheless asked me to agree to an atypical release strategy: TED would release the debate and the talk as separate videos, but at the same time. He sold this idea to me as a way to amplify my talk—as if this atypical release strategy were conceived for my benefit. That made little sense to me. The reality, I told him, was that these nonstandard release strategies were intended not to amplify my message but to dilute it. After all, the whole genesis of this debacle was the fact that certain TED staffers wanted to nix my talk altogether—and Anderson feared an internal firestorm if my talk were released normally. Clearly, the release proposals being pressed upon me were conceived in order to placate angry staffers, not in order to amplify my message. 

By the end of the calls, we had reached a compromise: TED would release and promote my talk as they would any other, and I would participate in a debate that would be released as a separate video no fewer than two weeks after my talk.

I held up my end of the bargain. TED did not. 

My talk was posted on the TED website on July 28. The debate was posted two weeks later. By the time the debate came out, I had moved on—I assumed that TED had held up its end of the bargain and was no longer paying close attention. 

Then, on August 15, Tim Urban––a popular blogger who delivered one of the most viewed TED talks of all time—pointed out that my talk had only a fraction of the views of every other TED talk released around the same time. Urban tweeted: 

There have been a million talks about race at TED. For this talk and only for this talk was the speaker required to publicly debate his points after the talk as a condition for having it posted online. As it is, the lack of standard promotion by TED has Coleman’s talk at about 10% of the views of all the other talks surrounding his on their site.

Two days later, I checked to see if Tim was onto something. As of August 17, the two talks released just before mine had 569K and 787K views, respectively, on TED’s website. The two talks released immediately after mine—videos that had less time to circulate than mine—had 460K, 468K views, and 489K views, respectively. My talk, by comparison, had 73K views—only 16 percent of the views of the lowest-performing video in its immediate vicinity. 

My debate with Jamelle Bouie—a New York Times columnist with almost half a million followers on X, formerly Twitter—has performed even worse on TED’s website. As of Tuesday, September 19—after having over a month to circulate—it had a whopping 5K views. That makes it the third worst-performing video released by TED in all of 2023. 

Either my TED content is performing extremely poorly because it is far less interesting than most of TED’s content, or TED deliberately is not promoting it. A string of evidence points to the latter explanation: unique among the TED talks released around the same time as mine, my talk has still not been reposted to the TED Talks Daily podcast. In fact, it was not even posted to YouTube until I sent an email inquiry. 

According to its website, TED’s mission is to “discover and spread ideas that spark imagination, embrace possibility, and catalyze impact.” They claim to be “devoted to curiosity, reason, wonder, and the pursuit of knowledge—without an agenda.” My experience suggests otherwise, with TED falling far short of those ambitions and instead displaying all the hallmarks of an institution captured by the new progressive orthodoxy. TED’s leadership must decide whether it wants to do something about it—or let the organization become yet another echo chamber. 

==

Let's call this what it was: an attempt, at a grassroots level, of agitating for blasphemy laws within TED. That's really what it was, accusations of blasphemy and heresy.

The correct answer, and there is one, is to discipline - and if necessary, dismiss - employees who violate the values and ethics of the organization. No matter how shrill and couch-fainting they are. Netflix did it. Get rid of them and they'll squawk a bit, and some of their fellow fundamentalists will rally around them, but they'll be out of your organization. Release a statement about your company's principles and values, and then let it blow over. Because it will.

You don't concede to religious fanatics. You stand up to them. Consistently. Especially when they work for you. (FFS, how were the highest levels of management afraid of the plebs?)

[violetvelourr]

A bit about TikTok, a bit about sanctions... this and that :D

A small exception as I normally use this blog to post Kakashi stuff, but… since this whole situation affects my Kakashi mania…

It was quite a surprise to find out that TikTok’s parent company was actually Chinese...

I have to admit that I don’t have a full insight on how TikTok operates, but, see, since the beginning of the sad events in Ukraine TikTok had actually imposed probably the most harsh restrictions on the Russian audience among the social media platforms: Russia had been basically cut off from the rest of TikTok and TikTok content was sort of split into two parts.

Here’s how it works: if I open TikTok with no preparations, I only see content made by Russian creators around before-March-2022. And of course, I cannot post any new content.

In order to access the proper TikTok, I, as a user of iPhone who cannot hack the app itself (Android users are more lucky I guess), have to not only use VPN, but actually must also have a foreign SIM-card turned on (and as I can use two SIM-cards I have to turn off the Russian one). Again, no other social media platform had restricted our access this much.

The only other resource I know that perhaps can compete in how much they don’t want Russians around is eBay: I am unable to change the shipping address and use my account to order, even to deliver to the USA. I’ve used all my IT intelligence (it’s not that great but definitely higher than that of an average Internet user) and was only ever able to order to Kazakhstan (but even so – only as a guest – all my new accounts were promptly banned, regardless of VPN, proxy/anonymisers, etc.) which had an interesting effect and lead to a wild story of how I later retrieved my parcels from Kazakhstan 🤣

But yeah, with eBay, at least I understand. With TikTok… I think they are influenced more than they admit because damn even with Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Tumblr I can just use VPN and do what I please (even though I constantly worry that they would do something to my account – but nope. I just can’t monetize, but I don’t care about that much and I think I could potentially solve this issue if I wanted to)…

And I wouldn’t wonder about it if it wasn’t for two things:

For example, AliExpress, a huge Chinese shopping platform, never banned Russia and operates just like it did before February 2022. They generally don’t have the policy to strangle Russia as far as I understand because it took them a couple of weeks to restore payment with our cards (which are banned everywhere else in the world – I have a bank account in Kazakhstan for my foreign operations which is mildly inconvenient).

And second, which annoys me quite a bit, is that TikTok, by doing what they did, had harmed not only the spoiled Russian brats that no longer had a place to wiggle their butts in (seriously I saw those videos of those teens literally bawling about it 🤦‍♀️). But I don’t know if they realize it or not, TikTok was quite a valuable platform for fund-raising. Charity, animal shelters, surgeries, expensive medical treatment, you name it! And that was all cut off. This is what really hurt. I’d like to hope that they readjusted… but I really don’t think that even in light of everything that was fair to those whose lives relied a lot on TikTok. Alas… Politics matter above all… Whoever cared about the poor and disabled?..

So yeah, it was indeed surprising to find out about the parent company.

Anyhow, if TikTok gets banned in the USA, ask me, I’ll teach you how to bypass it 🤣🤣🤣

Welcome to our world!..

I would definitely laugh if TikTok opens up to Russia out of spite, haha… But something tells me… they’ll just surrender – too much at stake.

[beevean]

1, 3, 6, 7, 8, 9, 12, 13, 15, 16, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, and 25 for Sonic <3

On one hand, thank you so much for asking me about Sonic, it's like everyone forgot about my main fandom :(

On the other... why tho.

the character everyone gets wrong

Shadow, easy. Sonic and Eggman too... and Amy... and Tails... yeah pretty much everyone... but poor Shadow is the unfortunate victim of being hugely popular and hugely misunderstood due to inane takes that spread like wildfire.

Shadow is not an edgy boy (okay his game pushes it). Shadow is not a poow widdle blorbo who only needs to cry. Shadow did not suffer like a dog on the ARK. Shadow is not "Vegeta". Shadow does not monologue about who he is and what he thinks (neither does Sonic btw, coughcoughidwcough). There should be a law that you cannot analyze Shadow's character if you haven't at least read his script in Sonic Battle.

3) screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

How am I supposed to choose????? Have you seen this fandom D: (no, you haven't, lucky you. well i did.)

Among all, I get the urge to stab myself in the spleen every time I read something about Muh Mandates and Sonic Should Be Allowed to Cry and Eggman is Such A Good Dad to Sage. Or the majority of posts gushing about IDW, especially if the topic is Sonic's Principles :^)

6) which ship fans are the most annoying?

Sonadow, one of the main reasons it annoys me so much. Although some Sonamy fans push it, and I like that ship.

7) what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

hahahaha

Well, I used to dislike Shadow precisely due to his popularity, but nowadays I've warmed up to the guy. He's cool. Just... I don't get the hype.

I guess Surge is a better example. She's very annoying in canon, but what really ruins her is the amount of adoration she garnered. Y'all like her simply for the aesthetic, I checked, because she has a pitiful amount of fanfictions that actual star her as a character. (one of them is mine, and I don't even like her. Just sayin'.)

Oh, and I will never be objective about Sage. Sorry. She's bland and on her own inoffensive, but her association with Eggdad ruined her for me.

8) common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

That ShTH is a bad game >:( it's funny y'all are just mean.

Again, I can't choose. This fandom has just... so many Takes. I guess I'll go with "Shadow was turned into Vegeta", which is... factually untrue, outside of the Boom series.

9) worst part of canon

Can't choose, honestly. Maybe splitting Classic Sonic into a different character, instead of simply keeping him an older design for Sonic. Boy, the discourse that it caused...

12) the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

Hmm. To be fair I mostly like popular characters. I'd say that now I like Elise much more than I used to, but then again she's becoming more popular. So... Infinite, maybe? I like the dude, he's both cool and pathetic and I have no idea how he manages to do that. Sick theme too. And he's voiced by Liam O'Brien and his horniness for violence shows :'D

And you know what? Zor. Zor is the funniest of the Deadly Six. He's self aware and that elevates him. Y'all are too mean to the Deadly Six in general, but Zor is the one who deserves it less.

13) worst blorboficiation

Shadow, again. This poor dude just isn't seen for who he is.

15) that one thing you see in fanart all the time

Can't think of anything, because I'm not stupid and I don't go look for fanart :'D I dunno, worst thing I'm seeing recently is Eggdad content.

16) you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

Why do you need Sonic and Shadow to be crybabies. Emotions aren't only expressed through tears. Don't blame SEGA for a perfectly normal writing choice. You don't need to shove angst up their asses to fulfill what's essentially your preference.

18) it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

KNUXAMY. THEY'RE SO CUTE. THEY HAVE LESS THAN 30 FICS ON AO3. WHY.

19) you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

Sonegg, except I've been liking it for so long that the shame has simply become resignation. I know why it's a common nOTP and I absolutely respect the people who think it's vomit-inducing, but I will defend it to my grave as being not as bad as commonly thought.

... does being an unironic ShTH enjoyer count, too?

20) part of canon you found tedious or boring

Frontiers. I swear that that story is completely useless, nothing happens except getting beaten over the face with pointless references and Ian Flynn self-sucking over how better he is than Pontaff, no I'm still not over "then I'm wildly inconsistent" :') and while '06's story is better because at least shit happens (until the game erases itself from existence), it's still a dull, boring, confusing mess to sit through, especially in English because they all sound bored out of their skull.

21) part of canon you think is overhyped

Frontiers :') at least, even though I don't like SA2, I can understand why it's so popular. I can even understand why people nowadays are warming up to '06. With the exception of some cute Sonic/Knuckles interactions, I can't find a thing to like about Frontiers' story.

22) your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

Some of the endings of ShTH, especially the Dark ones. I think they brim with potential :)

23) ship you've unwillingly come around to

Knuxamy. A friend of mine started shipping it, then I was sucked in. (it helps that Knuckles/Amy in SAd3 kicks ass :D) look, they're cute and they have a fun dynamic going on.

24) topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

WAAAAAAAAH WHY DO YOU WANT SONIC TO KILL VILLAINS????

shut up. shut your entire fuck up. i am so sick of this. it was never our argument. idw is the plague of the fandom.

25) common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

MUH

MANDATES

no. You go and actually listen to Flynn's words. Even he's sick of this discourse. (also, yes he confirms that Shadow comes with many notes, but also dude just. doesn't understand him. "can you hear the fatigue in my voice" my entire ass)

[petri808]

Twiyor AU

“Please?!” The women begs. “I heard you were some kind of Cupid; can’t you help me find a match?”

It’s another day and another coffee shop I’ve found myself in. I’d grown used to these requests, even though I’ve given up on love. Ever since the rumors spread during my college years of how my relationship recommendations equaled 100% success, it’s a never-ending routine of requests. I don’t know if it’s so perfect, and frankly don’t care anymore. Because you see, I have a gift… Take this woman sitting across the table. I can see that her hearts aura is a yellowish color which means if she falls for someone with a similar color, they’ll be a good match. Getting the gist of what I can do? 

I sit back in my chair and take a sip from my coffee cup. “I don’t actually find you a match. You show me someone you’re interested in, and I’ll tell you if I think you’re a good match.”

“Oh…” the woman deflates in her chair. “I see… There isn’t anyone I’m interested in right now.”

“Then you can always contact me when you’re ready.” I throw on a professionally fake smile and stand up from the table. “Have a nice day ma’am.”

That was a waste of my time, but at least I got free coffee out of it. On my way back home, my friend texts me to see how the meeting had gone. Franky, the pest. This is all his fault, the A.K.A. rumor starter and only person who knows my secret. He even set up a website for people to find me… how thoughtful, so now my free time is taken up by this pseudo part-time job. 

‘She didn’t read the description on the website,’ I text Franky back, ‘so it was a bust.’

I’m not a warm-hearted guy who’s doing this out of the kindness of my heart or care about other people’s happiness. Do you have any idea how annoying it is to see all the successful pairings when I’ve never had one in my twenty-eight years? All the thank you cards, photos, and wedding invitations from the successful pairings filled with syrupy sweetness. It’s enough to make my teeth hurt. 

My phone pings, it’s Franky again. ‘Oh well she’ll be back.’

No doubt, I sigh and toss my apartment keys onto the counter before dropping onto the sofa. I’ve still got a couple more hours to kill so I close my eyes as the memories of failures run their course. Not to brag, but I know I’m a good-looking guy who’s been popular all through high school, college, even now as a salary man. Perfect blonde hair, striking blue eyes, fit build— you’d think finding a partner of my own would be easy, right? Not so. Not only can I see the hearts aura, which is akin to a person’s essence, but also their emotions in the moment like a halo glowing above their heads. Women always look at me with a superficial lust, judging me based on appearance and those ones disinterest me the most. The few times I’ve dated, it was those halos again revealing what they really thought about me. Some cheated or maybe didn’t really love me anymore, but the worst were lies. People can so easily lie, but their emotions never do with their background dark greens and browns giving it all away. Eventually, it gets tiring to even try and besides, it’s not like I know my own color to guide me. Maybe then I’d find a better match without having to play the guessing game…

It’s Friday night, and it’s Valentine’s Day, so why am I at the bar with Franky? Ugh, I’m such an idiot for letting him talk me into this. ‘We’re both bachelors,’ he’d pitched, ‘maybe we’ll get lucky.’ Well, lucks never been much of a friend and I’m more likely to end up with a stomachache. 

For a Valentine’s Day the bar is comfortably full, a mixture of couples and hopefuls looking to change their status. As one could imagine, there are a lot of reds and pinks hovering over heads, then a scattered variety over the rest. I’d seen quite a few potential matches while walking in, but too bad for them that several of the couples aren’t among them. 

“Loid, I just don’t get it man.” Franky squeezes and shakes my shoulder. “So, what if it might end? Sometimes gotta go through a few snags before landing the right fish. You shouldn’t rely on that gift of yours so much and just take a chance.”

Sitting at the counter with my back to it all is the best option. All the fish in this bar that Franky’s yapping about is not for me, and I’d rather not be reminded of it. Just shut up and let me drink! 

I set my drink onto the bar top. “I’ve taken enough chances and I’m over it for now.”

“Tch,” Franky let’s go with a harumph. “Fine, then back to me.” He turns his body to scan the room. “Oh, hello! Beauty just walked in!”

“Maybe beauty will like a beast like you.” I snicker without looking.

“Pfft! Well, she’s looking this way… staring actually!” Franky slaps my chest in rapid succession with the back of his hand. “Take a look, is she a fit for me??”

I doubt it, I think to myself as I turn to look. It’s not that I don’t doubt she’s pretty cause Franky’s tastes only run to models but—

“Rainbow…” the words wisp from my lips before my brain can catch up to the scene. A raven-haired beauty staring in our direction so strongly it sends chills shooting down my spine. Who is this woman? It’s the first time I’ve ever seen someone with a rainbow color! Most are just one, maybe two tops but not her, she’s literally sparkling like a character in a comic. 

“Rainbow?” I hear Franky parrot but I’m too mesmerized to care or remember he is next to me. He’s asking more questions… jabbing my side, but all I can is do is watch— frozen to my seat as she moves towards us from the front door. My breathing slows as she gets within a meter’s length. 

Her eyes flash as a beaming smile takes over, sending my heart into a tizzy and breathing to a halt. 

“Wow!” She grabs my hand forcefully without hesitation, as if willed by an invisible force. “I’ve never seen a rainbow aura before on anyone else. You’re just like me!”

Huh? What? Come again?! My head tips slightly in confusion. “I’m sorry? Did you say I have the rainbow aura? Ma’am, you have the rainbow aura.”

“No, you do.” She smiles brighter. “We both do.”

“Y-You can see… my color?”

“Yeah,” her eyes sparkle again.

Sparkling like ruby gemstones glinting off the bars backlit liquor display. Her gaze is a sirens lullaby slowing time itself— I can’t look away… just taking in the vision of long dark hair against creamy light skin on slim yet toned features. The yellowish orange excitement surrounding her head is slowing melting into a reddish orange. I feel the heat rising on my cheeks the longer I stare, my own color no doubt changing to red as well if the surprised look on her face is any indication. Shit! This is the first time this ability has made me feel so self-conscience! 

“Tch,” I hear Franky’s annoyed tone, “I’ll catch ya later Loid.”

“Yeah…” I respond back without breaking eye contact with the woman. I’d forgotten he was even there. 

“I’m sorry for interrupting sir.” The woman directs her words towards Franky who merely nods and walks away before turning back to me. “Um… mister Loid?” 

Her voice snaps me out of the void. “Oh, yes. Sorry how rude of me,” I quickly gesture to Franky’s now vacant bar stool. “Please, if you’ll join me.” 

Considering the enthusiastic lack of hesitation earlier, now it’s so cute how this beauty’s turned shy. I do my best to focus on her and not look at the colors dancing around her because Franky did have a point about not relying on auras. Though from the rosy hue of her cheeks, coyly down-casted eyes and upturned lips, to the fidgeting fingers in her lap it’s obvious which emotions are plaguing her. 

I take her trembling hand and kiss it’s back. “I’m Loid Forger,” I flash a smile, “and you are?”

She pulls her hand back only to tuck some loose tendrils behind her ear in a nervous gesture. “M-My name is Yor Briar. I’m sorry for the sudden intrusion, I was just so happy to see someone else like me I couldn’t stop myself.”

“It’s okay,” I smile sweetly. “I’m happy too, but I don’t want to ruin your plans either, are you meeting someone here?”

“Ah!” She suddenly straightens out as if remembering suddenly, turns and scans the room as she continues talking. “Yes, my co-worker… but I don’t… see her yet.” Yor let’s out an exhale of relief. “She’ll be surprised to see me sitting with a man.”

“Oh?”

Yor blushes again with her shoulders slumping in embarrassment. “I—I’ve always been too shy to deal with men.”

I chuckle lightly, “but I bet with your looks there’s been many suitors.”

So adorable! I laugh internally at how cute she is, because if Yor blushes anymore fiercely her hair might catch fire. She turns her gaze fully to the floor unable to meet my eyes.

“I could say the same for you.” Yor responds in a soft voice. “Besides, I’d never met my hearts match before.”

Now it’s my turn to blush. So, she knows how the colors work, I shouldn’t be surprised considering it didn’t take me long to figure it out either. In middle school when classmates started dating, I began noticing a pattern between the couples that lasted and the couples that didn’t. I don’t think those relationships were as stable though because even those with the same color would sometimes break up, so it wasn’t until college that I fully understood. Anyway, there is one difference between us. 

I sigh light-heartedly, “neither had I,” before perking up again, “but at least you can see your own aura, because I can’t that made it more difficult to know who would be a match.”

“Oh, really?” Yor perks up as well and meets my gaze. “I suppose that’s true.” 

After ordering new drinks, our conversation continues for several more minutes before Yor’s friend finally shows up. Based on the interweaved green and red pulsing around her, the female coworker whose name is Millie is jealous that Yor caught my attention. So, they’ve come tonight as part of the hopeful crowd. Sorry Millie, but my hearts already taken. 

“So, exactly what is it you do Mr. Forger?” Millie questions with a grilling tone to her voice. 

Is she asking for her friend’s sake or for her own. Not that it matters to me. I throw on my fake professional smile for the woman. “I’ve always been great at understanding people, so I became a psychiatrist. It’s my own practice but I do work for the hospital as well as provide pro bono services for the local orphanage.” 

“Wow,” Millie keeps her outward expressions emotionless trying to hide her annoyance. “You’re such a great guy to help those orphans. Yor’s lucky to have met you.”

Oh, the flickering jealousy is so amusing. Millie’s eyes almost pop out of their sockets in surprise. A philanthropist doctor?! She’s practically seething over it, so why not go in for a kill shot? Shut this woman up and impress Yor at the same time, it’s two birds with one stone. “I do it because I enjoy it. Those kids have gone through a traumatic experience, so I couldn’t help but be moved— enough so, that I ended up adopting a bright little girl named Anya who really captured my heart.”

My chest puffs out unconsciously when I see Yor’s face brighten like a blooming rose and Millie’s faux smile falters. I already know we’re a good match, but I want Yor to want me for more than just some supernatural power. Plus, the story isn’t a complete lie. Originally, I adopted Anya for a tax write off— yes, I know that’s despicable, but it didn’t take long for the precocious child to win over my heart. 

Millie recovers quickly and redirects toward her friend. “Are you willing to be a stepmom Yor?” She asks no doubt hoping her friend will be taken aback at a sudden change like motherhood. 

“Yes!” Yor replies quicker than I’d expected and with much enthusiasm. She’s practically on the edge of her seat, eyes sparkling at such an idea. “I don’t mind at all. After my parents died, I had to take care of my younger brother, so I have a lot of experience already though…” Yor shrinks back a little. “I’m not a very good cook.”

Oh, this is perfect! My smile brightens. “I’m sure you’d make an amazing mother Yor.” But, perhaps it’s time to let things marinate a little as well. “Well lady’s,” I stand up from my seat. “It’s been fun, but I must get up early to pick my daughter up from her sleepover tomorrow, so it’s time for me to leave. You both have fun.” I then take Yor’s hand again and place a chaste kiss to the back of the knuckles. “Though you, not too muchfun,” I tease, “may I contact you tomorrow?”

Yor’s rainbow aura shimmers along with the flash of an embarrassed and beaming smile. “Y-Yes! Of course, I look forward to it.”

Me too, Ms. Briar… me too… 

Did my aura just shimmer too as if calling out to its match? I can’t see my own aura but somehow it sure feels that way. I squeeze her hand with a final kiss to her cheek. “Then till tomorrow.”

The moment I’ve turned my back to them, I can’t help but smile to myself. Such a totally unexpected event! I’ll thank Franky later. Tis a Happy Valentine’s Day after all…

[anxiouslyfred]

Dear Self Esteem

Summary: Roman writes to characters from fiction in an attempt to build his self esteem.

/\/\

Dear Barbie,

Life is difficult and I've no clue how you have excelled in so many areas. You constantly become your best self, or take control over a situation to resolve it and I'm faltering behind everyone.

I've tried so many times to reinvent myself in a way that will get me respect, that I'll be able to look in the mirror and believe I've done something great, but that either leaves me feeling like a fraud, or exhausted from the bouncing between a million different views none of which can I truly agree with.

I know I am a mere male in your wonderland of female empowerment, but even doing things to support my friends and family fail now and I feel simply lost.

For now I'll look to your films and dolls and try to find hope that if I keep creating and dreaming I will manage to find that wonderful tomorrow.

Yours dreaming, Roman

/\/\

Dear Rapunzel,

You are so lucky to live in a land of fairytales and clear villains in your life.

Some days I think half my family are villains, but others I know they are just people trying to do the best they can with the information and views that they have. Even when you're double-crossed you are able to understand and either fight the villain doing wrong, or bring them back to good with a song and kind words.

What do we do when right and wrong, good and bad are not quite as simple as that?

I simply don't know where I should look. There are no lanterns in the sky for me to chase.

Yours despondently, Roman

/\/\

Dear Dreamers

I know you are out there, watching Thomas's videos, sometimes joining in with them. You are what make this career we've formed so special, so wonderful. I know, I remember saying all those years ago that I was on a solo quest to love myself, but loving the people I create for is definitely a step in the right direction.

Thomas see all those wonderful creations you make based off our ideas and those our friends suggest to include in this series and I simply adore it all. You're such a creative company, and I just wish I could feel included among your ranks.

Yours in wonder, Roman.

/\/\

Dear Aurora,

Even the most wonderful dream must be woken up from at some point. I hope that yours was lovely, especially since you don't wake up screaming as people sometimes do from nightmares.

In all honestly, I've been retreating to dreams and trying to sleep more recently. Remy claims it's unhealthy, but life is a horror that I need safety from. Perhaps it's worse to simply be a part of a person, because even the agency I have over myself feels limited. Everything must be for Thomas and the life he deserves to have.

I'm not sure what that life is from all the views different parts of him hold, and as the dreams that are meant to motivate Thomas, that leaves me floundering. I wish I could flee back to a castle barely remembered from childhood. Perhaps I would find the answers or have an unknown curse destroy me there.

Or at the very least I could form one in the imagination, perhaps leave a message for Virgil or someone over what I'm doing. That will calm any worries they have at least.

Yours pondering, Roman

/\/\

Dear Aurora,

I usually don't write to the same character twice, but Virgil came after me.

He was angry at the very existence of this adventure and claimed that I don't get to duck out without saying why at least. He barely even acknowledged that it had to be true loves kiss to wake me up, let alone enough to confirm whether his love is platonic or romantic. I'd built in a knight who would save me after a while but he never got the chance to show.

I guess I can still find dreams in the waking world to bring me hope.

Yours hopefully, Roman.

[joy-of-life88]

Can I love again? [a Roman Reigns story] 29 Reveal

It rang at the door just as I was making myself a snack. Since Roman was in the shower, I had no choice but to waddle to the door and see who it was.

"Vanessa, hi!" said as I opened the door and one of Roman's sisters stood in front of me.

"There's the baby mama! How are you?" she asked as she walked in and gave me a hug.

"I am doing fine. How are you? What brings you here? I thought I'd see you at the baby shower later?" I wanted to know.

"I'm perfectly fine. I'm just here to bring you this." she replied, holding a gift bag in front of my face.

"What's this?" I asked as I took the bag in my hand.

"This, my dear sister-in-law, is your outfit for the party. We picked it out together with Mom. It fits the theme. We hope you like it." she said excitedly.

"Oh that's so great of you guys! Thank you." I said as I pulled the contents out of the bag.

A beautiful dress came to light. It was lavender with white lace. I gently stroked my fingers over the fabric and was totally touched. It was really sweet how much effort they put in for us and how much thought they put into the details. Again and again during the last weeks Roman's sisters had called me to talk about one thing or another or to ask me for my opinion. But without revealing too much. They wanted the result to be a big surprise for me and Roman.

"You're welcome. I have to get going again. Summer is already waiting for me. And Marytza is picking up the cake right now. I'll see you later, sweetie. Tell Roman to not be late." she replied, and then gave me a kiss on the cheek.

She then went on her way again. I looked at the dress in my hands once more. It made me very curious what the theme was, but luckily I only had to wait a few more hours.

"Who was at the door, angel?" asked Roman standing in the bedroom in nothing but a towel wrapped rather loosely around his hips.

"It was Vanessa. She brought me a surprise. Look!" I said, showing him the dress.

"Wow, that looks great. I can't wait to see you wear it. Although I definitely prefer less." he replied as he wrapped his arms around me and my baby bump.

"I feel the same way about you, mister. Too bad I have to take a shower to get ready for the party. You took forever, Romeo," I replied as I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him.

"You don't usually complain when I take my time." he smirked as his hands rubbed over my hips.

"That's true. Maybe you should just join me in the shower." I said and pulled him closer to me.

"I've just finished," Roman replied.

"So?" I asked, at the same time loosening the towel he was wearing.

-----

"Welcome to your baby shower!" said Summer as she opened the double doors for Roman and me, and we got our first look at the room and decorations.

"Oh my goodness!" I gasped.

Everything looked absolutely perfect. They had decorated everything in lavender and white. Lace details could be seen everywhere. It seemed like they had really thought of everything. Even the food and beverages matched the color theme.

Vanessa joined us and put a beverage in everyone's hand before Summer asked for attention to make a toast.

"As you may have guessed, Y/N, the theme for today is lavender and lace. We're all so happy to have you as part of our big, crazy family. And we can't wait to welcome the newest member of the family. I guarantee that not only Roman, but all of us will spoil your daughter. We love you, Y/N and Roman. And we love your nugget."

Everyone started cheering and clapping. It was really magical. I was so lucky.

Tears of joy slowly ran down my cheeks as Roman put his arm around my waist and gave me a kiss on my hair. Words were not necessary, because I knew he was as moved as I was.

We spent the afternoon playing silly games, eating and drinking, and of course unpacking gifts. Among them was a very special gift. It was a hand knitted blanket with our daughter's initials. A.H.R.

Roman's mom had insisted on knowing at least the first letters of her name, because she wanted to be able to give her gift a personal touch. And she succeeded. It was absolutely perfect and I would treasure the blanket forever.

"So... you promised us that we would find out her name today. I can't stand the suspense any longer." Mom said at one point.

"Well, we thought about it for a long time because we wanted a beautiful name that has a special meaning. Finally we found the perfect name for our princess and we think you will love it as much as we do.

When we welcome our daughter into this world in about 8 weeks, she will be named Anastasia Hope Reigns. Anastasia means resurrection and Hope I don't have to explain to you. This name perfectly represents the path that Y/N and I have walked to stand here before you today," Roman explained to the family and our friends.

I looked up at him and saw how proud he was. So was I. For both of us, the name for our nugget meant a lot. Just like the ring on my finger, the name and our little one represented the past, the present, and most importantly, the future.

[syneilesis]

Thoughts about Clavis route

I finished Clavis's route yesterday! I chose Dramatic ending and am now playing it again for the Romantic ending route.

Bullet points because I can't write coherently right now lol. Spoilers ahead!

I love Clavis's route?! I feel like it has the best writing among the available routes so far. I like how they wrote the MC here. Usually in other routes there are some aspects in the MC where I kind of got annoyed with but not here in Clavis's route! So I like that very much. MC is a tsundere! LOL

Much as I like Clavis, I came out of playing this route LOVING CHEVALIER MORE LOL. In every other princes' routes, he's the highlight for me. I just love him so much. I love him, your honor. CHEVALIER LIGHT OF MY LIFE. I have no intelligent comment to contribute lmao. Every time he shows up I'd get the urge to offer my body and soul to him. Stab me with your bloody sword, you towering iceberg bibliophile.

MC AND CHEVALIER AS BOOK BFFs YES PLEASE (and how jealous Clavis is YES JEALOUSY GIMME GIMME)

This route made me appreciate Leon's faction, surprisingly! I feel that in their breakfast interviews I managed to glean more on what they want to do for their kingdom than in their own routes lol. At the very least I have a concrete idea now on what they want. Why is it that I get more glimpses of their politics in the routes of the foreign affairs faction lol

Why do the princes in foreign affairs faction have better political plots I very much enjoy them

Chev's mother and Clavis's mother were lesbians and they loved each other.

Among the new characters, I'm eyeing Silvio because he's voiced by Satou Takuya, but I'm intrigued by Gilbert! In the trailer that first introduced them, I wasn't really interested in Gilbert, but now, with what is shown so far, I am curious!

CHEVALIER vs GILBERT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT (Team Chev all the way, of course)

Re Chevalier and Clavis's relationship: I had an inkling that Chevalier values Clavis as an individual, so I'm happy that it's confirmed!

The reveal that Clavis being a kind and compassionate prince underneath that scoundrel persona ... I know that he's supposed to be a foil to Chevalier, the opposite of cold logic and reason, I understand it, really. But -- and this is just my personal taste talking -- I'm the teensiest bit disappointed LOL. I get it, I really do. He's an analogue of ikesen Mitsuhide even, what with those blatant similarities in the first chapter and sticking to his own beliefs and convictions. I guess I was hoping for a more morally ambiguous motivation to his character. I do kind of notice that the princes, pared down to their essential motivations and character, are good and kind (I think it's an executive decision by Cybird to design characters [many, but not all] that come from the original position of goodness/kindness but are morally ambiguous in their actions -- I'm looking at you, Nobunaga, Vlad, Kicho, Motonari, Mitsuhide, Lancelot, etc.). Only Chevalier doesn't have that compassion and kindness the others have; his is more a question of practicality than morality. Come to think of it, Chevalier is an analogue of Nobunaga, so the parallels between Chevalier+Clavis and Nobunaga+Mitsuhide are notable. I don't actually know where I'm going with this lol. But I love Clavis as a character! I guess the dramatic ending plot didn't completely vibe with me (interfering in the affairs of another nation-state without their consent just invites disaster; Clavis is so fucking lucky this is his own route lmao).

What vibed with me, however, was that until the end of the route, they haven't properly confessed to each other! MC held on to her tsun till the last chapter. This is where Clavis has the advantage against Chevalier hahaha. I was slightly dissatisfied with how MC's confession took place in Chev's route.

Chapter 19 was hilarious because MC and Clavis were having a lovers' quarrel WHILE CHEVALIER WAS JUST A FEW FEET AWAY. Poor Chev, he just wants to read in peace 😂 He's truly the long-suffering brother, having to endure his brothers' shenanigans.

Clavis being a studious nerd is so precious. He just wants to prove himself! 🥺

I probably have other thoughts but these are all that I can remember right now. Anyhoo, tl;dr: I love Clavis's route! It has solid writing and I enjoyed it very much.

[diaperalex]

Why do you keep ending up in the hospital? Hope you’re okay 😊🥰. Does the nursing staff comment on you needing to be diapered/change your diapers?

I have seizures that sometimes needs medical attention fast. My epilepsy is under control with better medication today, but they can still happen in certain situations.

I have had a severe head trauma in 2005 where I got very lucky to survive. But it messed up several things in my body like my immune system, neck problems, migraines, and lymphatic malfunction among nervous system failures.

No doctor knows precisely WHAT might be the cause of myalgic encephalomyelitis (known as chronic fatigue syndrome) in my case. It could be the result of the general anxiety disorder that keeps my body overwhelmed and overstimulated (autism). It could be the head trauma. It could be epstein-barr virus, or that streptococcus infection I had several years before ME/CFS started.

Today, hospitals are part of my time every week with many followups for multiple conditions: epilepsy, autism, urinary infections, digestive problems, abnormalities in blood tests, high blood pressure, heart problems that often makes arythmia, followup of a congenital birth defect in my left lung that might cause eventual problems, and very bad blood circulation that is causing me to develop blood clots (especially in the right leg with quite big varicose veins that I try to hide in my pictures since 2017).

That’s why I end up so often in hospitals and in physical therapy and kinesitherapy. I guess I am lucky to be alive, but at the price of big health challenges all the time. I try to stay strong, but I often needs a bit of help.🙈🏥

I forgot to answer the diaper part in hospitals with nurses and doctors. 🙈

The nurses are much more used than we think, ppls of every age wearing diapers. They are used to see me in diapers because I have always been wearing them. The funny part for me is that I don’t care about using the word diaper without any discretion in public while they are trained to be respectful and discreet, avoiding to say diapers, but call them protective underwear or undies.

It’s unfortunate that most, if not all the hospitals are stuck with Tena, which aren’t terrible in North America. Too thin, too cheap, leaks all the time, and generates a lot more work for the nurses because they have to change the diapers more often, and often need to change the bed liner, and the bedsheets when the bed liner was not placed properly or failed, and the gown too!

That’s the other fun part. I can’t remember how many times the nurses and even doctors were amazed by the quality of my diapers. Some say nothing. Some ask me how they work (M4/L4, MegaMax and Tykables are 3 different types for example). Some nurses asked me where I got these amazing “diapers”. I don’t talk much, but they got my attention and I feel like I became a diaper expert after all these years. I see how they are exploring them. I see they are mostly impressed compared to Tena. At least 2 doctors, 3 nurses and 2 specialists took notes because they said: “my son is like you and he’s autistic. He will like the cool prints!”, “I know someone who could be interested.”, “I’ll take a look!” , “I will talk about it to the administration.” , “I visit patients at their home too, and this is a great product!”.

Believe me, this is not a fantasy, it’s what I witnessed myself, even in front of my parents and my bf. I was not humiliated at all because diapers are normal for me at the same time I like them. When I was younger, the Pampers and Attends Youth were normal and known. The things changed when I was put in M4, and than, eventually wearing new cool good ones that keeps popping on the market periodically.

The only humiliation for me is when I ended up diapered in a Tena for the rare times I ran out of diaper supply and by the time someone brings me some more from home. My obsession for doing the tapes perfectly aligned (like my mom always did) was a problem when nurses did diaper me. They all did their job perfectly well! But most of the time, I reposition the tapes once they are gone.🙈

I never been asked by any nurse WHY I wear diapers. It happened in hospitals where doctors don’t know me at all, or they don’t have my medical files from my local hospital. When they ask, I simply tell “because I am incontinent.” Sometimes, there were no question number two. If they ask why I am incontinent, than I give a basic answer: “because I have several medical conditions.” Like what? Surprisingly, no doctors ever gone that far in their questions.

So, that’s pretty much my story about diapers vs nurses. One question I have in mind that I never really asked anyone before. I know my own story, but I’d like to hear from others. Yes, I am systematically being changed by nurses, unless I tell them I will be fine to do it myself. If I am having an appointment only, nobody changes my diapers if I need it because I can do it, I am not on a stretcher or a hospital bed, which is totally fine. Is this because I have autism and chronic fatigue syndrome? Or is it the same for everyone else?

Thanks for taking time to read another part of my story. Hoping to have friends sharing their own experiences in hospital in diapers.

[johnwickfucker]

sorry but i have to dump my thoughts about glass onion somewhere (spoilers below the cut!! and this is genuinely Long and unorganized)

so the movie was.... fun. it was a good time to watch and i liked the twists and the way that the audience got the truth in fragments up until the end. and then it ended and i now have questions that aren't going to be resolved in a good way because their answers can't be gleaned from the movie (as far as i know after seeing it once)

what the fuck was andi/cassandra doing in that company? how was it successful? Yes, she got screwed out of the company and what she was "owed" by miles (and then her friends). but presumably, had that not happened, she would have been as financially successful as miles. she took a stand against him selling Klear and... that makes her... totally good and sympathetic? also her sister helen is a teacher and good person and cared a lot about her, so... ok. she's the sympathetic billionaire for the sake of the story.

still, miles is meant to be sort of an elon musk stand-in caricature. owner of Company and a promise to save the world. what the fuck did the company actually do and what was andi presiding over up until she was cut out of the company, if we're meant to apply some real-world knowledge of "billionaires get where they are by screwing over other people and profiting off of exploited labor and environmental destruction"? i'm not trying to attack only andi as a character, especially when compared to the shithead friends she had (miles chief among them). but i Am bothered by the fact that the maximum enjoyment of miles' destruction and helen/andi's revenge working out mainly hinges on seeing andi as a good person whose cause was a completely worthy one.

also, the. the explosion at the end. helen didn't know just how bad that would be before throwing the Klear and somehow everyone got out of that relatively unscathed. when there was an explosion that turned glass fragments into projectiles. and a bigass Explosion that happened at all. i thought everyone in the glass onion was fuckin Dead but plot armor for everyone involved is fine, i guess. and derek's body got left in there to burn with everything else and no one mentioned it.

so yeah, the movie was OK. not Bad, had some great acting especially on janelle monáe's part, and had pretty good cinematography with some fun shots. but to me, the reason "knives out" works so well is that marta is super compelling when contrasted against the crappy rich family benefitting off of harlan's success as an author. you feel good when she comes out victorious at the end because someone deserving and kind and hard-working received recognition for it. "glass onion" added in andi, a billionaire(?) or at least multimillionaire, as a character to be rooting for second-hand via her nice, 3rd grade teacher sister helen, and the "lesson" of the movie was like. look how awesome it is when the stupid billionaire's stupid fortune goes up in flames. which is fine! it's fun seeing a grossly rich guy get what's coming to him. but when the story's Alternative (had miles not killed andi and the evidence come forward) is that andi would have gotten the company and continued running it, amassing a fortune of her own, it feels like you're having to buy into the "wealthy people got there from hard work and intelligence" bit to feel truly upset about miles doing what he did. when the whole point of His character is to show that sometimes obscenely wealthy people are just stupid, immoral bastards who get lucky.

so... yeah 🤷‍♂️ the movie's big Thing being "rich people bad and will fuck each other over" being in conflict with "but this one rich person genuinely did work hard to get there and only ever tried to help her friends until they betrayed her, And Also those friends may or may not receive their comeuppance? idk lol" makes for a movie that wasn't very satisfying for me :/