#(i say this but really i am JUST getting started babeyyyy)

[raineandsky]

#99

tw: stabbing

Laughter echoes off the walls around the hero, and it’s not the laughter of friends. They stumble on, trying to ignore how close it is, how this will inevitably end.

The other heroes’ voices are nothing more than ghosts carried by the wind now. This villain is smart—a group of heroes is nothing to them. A few well placed scares is all it took to split the hero off from the rest of their team.

It’s dark in these parts of the city. The only noise is faroff traffic and the breeze dancing between the buildings and that echoing laughter. The hero turns down a street, lost, confused, counting the minutes, only to find it a dead end.

They turn back too late. The villain is already standing in the entrance, the streetlight behind lighting them up like they’ve just descended from heaven itself. Like they’re some angel, if angels were massive assholes and tried to kill everyone on the regular.

Panic and instinct clash in some horrendous shrieking horror. The hero yanks their knife from their belt, ready to throw their hands up to delay the inevitable, to protect themself, to protect the others. The villain takes two long steps towards them and it’s practically over.

The hero makes a swipe and the villain sidesteps it. Another step pushes them into the hero’s space, grabbing their wrists like it’s easy. It’d be insulting if the hero wasn’t so busy praying to god knows what in the vain hope of getting out of this alive.

“[Hero],” the villain says faintly. The hero makes a desperate attempt to headbutt them and misses. “[Hero].”

A weak cry escapes the hero’s mouth. It’s pathetic, not going down with grace and fire. They want it over. If they die now, here, at least they don’t have to worry about anyone seeing them like this.

“[Hero], stop,” the villain repeats, a little harsher. “I’m trying to help you here, jeez.”

The hero stops. They can’t do anything else. Another grief stricken sob falls from their lips.

“Look, I don’t have long before those freaks inevitably find us,” the villain continues, “but you have to go home.”

The hero chokes on whatever noise was about to come out. “W–What?”

“I’m going to ruin your perception of them and I know you’re not going to believe me, but—” The villain heaves a deep breath, pinning their gaze to the hero’s sharply. “They’re going to kill you.”

A laugh tries to bubble out of the hero’s mouth but it comes out distorted. “No.”

“I’m sorry, [Hero], but I’ve seen them before.” The villain flits a glance over their shoulder, like they have the reason to be nervous. “They’ve done this to many heroes like you. Don’t go anywhere near them, okay?”

“They would never,” the hero spits, the words mangled in their dread. “They– You– You’re trying to turn me on my friends. You monster.”

The villain sighs disappointedly, defeatedly. “Just go home, [Hero]. I’ll call you a taxi.”

The villain lets go of them and steps back, their hand disappearing into their pocket. For a phone, they promised, but the hero isn’t stupid. Their hands free, their enemy’s attention diverted, they dart forward and plunge their knife into the villain’s thigh.

The noise that comes out of the villain’s mouth isn’t a nice one. The hero gives it no thought, slipping past them and back out into the street as they sink to one knee with a gasp.

“Don’t go back, [Hero]!” they call after the hero, their voice taut and grim. “Please, don’t—”

The hero’s panting and echoing footsteps drown them out.

-

The villain watches as the little gaggle of heroes appears out the agency doors. Laughing, bumping shoulders, carrying little bags for lunch. Four of them.

The hero isn’t with them.

The villain nods once to themself, picks up their bag, and leaves.

[hikari-ni-naritai]

3 6 10 11 12 18 21 23 26 27 29 30 31 36 45 50 52 54 55 57 58 59 60 62 69 (nice) 74 76 86 87 90 95 97

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

man . theyre both kinda. painfully sweet. bubblegum i guess? i also like cotton candy tho its just hard to pick

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

i dotn know what like. most of these words mean. how are half of these related even. tomboy.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

man i fucked hard at dodgeball

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

these days shredded wheat

12. name of your favorite playlist?

the fuck is a playlist

18. ideal weather?

yknow, cloudy, warm, smells like its about to rain

21. obsession from childhood?

warriors cats babeyyyy. and bionicles

23. strange habits?

man i KNOW ive got some but i cant think what they are. i do this wrist flick manoeuver to crack it.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

if im actually out in the warm weather? take a nice walk maybe.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

yknow. i havent done it in ages but i really like doing jigsaw puzzles. maybe put some jazz on.

29. best way to bond with you?

i dunno honestly! i dont have an answer to this one. it takes a lot of time and effort i think.

30. places that you find sacred?

the woods. the woods the woods the woods you have no idea. the woods. its the woods.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

i would die if i tried to do either of those things

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

like...... charlie the unicorn i think.

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

fantasy obv

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

god there was something that destroyed me but idr what it was. the hardest in recent memory was me trying to tell a REALLY really stupid joke that wont make sense to any of you. i did not manage to say it bc i was laughing too hard.

52. favorite font?

i absolutely do not have an opinion on this

54. what did you learn from your first job?

you know at mcdonalds in order to work the grill you have to be willing to put your arms under a hot piece of metal that drips boiling grease on you? thats what i learned.

55. favorite fairy tale?

what IS my favorite fairy tale....... we'll go with red riding hood bc her modern interpretations are always the cutest

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

damn what. uhh ok, having to rebuild my entire social life after the shit that happened a couple years ago, the several year process of going from hyperconservative christian to a . whatever the hell i am now. some kind of far left girl. and uhhhh. figuring out i was trans i guess? idk

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

four??? im good at ff14 raiding, im good at writing, im good at.... uhh... im pretty funny i think, annnddddd uhhh. i dont know that its a talent, but i like to think im good at making people feel safe talking to me.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

heh... guess i shotcha... uhh 'god im fucking tired'

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

ISEKAI OBVIOUSLY specifically something like slime 300 but ill take almost any of them.

62. seven characters you relate to?

SEVEN............ god.... uhh hanako ikezawa, hikari finalfantasy (im cheating), (god i got to ONE and already had to start cheating...) yumiella dolkness, man im tappin out. look at my list of ocs i put way more of myself into them than there could ever be in any other character

69 nice. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

i feel like i know how i know most of my fun facts bc if i didnt i would not really know if i could believe them or not.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

like 8 or 9 probably. i dont really go below a 5 so. its gotta be like migraine or vertebral artery dissection bad before im like 'i should really get some meds'. unless im doing it preemptively which ive done for like when ive got raid later.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

man fuckin SCALLOPED POTATOES BABEY

86. cookies or cupcakes?

the amount of qualifiers this question needs.... cupcakes tho probably.

87. your greatest fear?

dying.

90. luckiest mistake?

i mean most of my mistakes havent been lucky, the best i can think of is when i accidentally followed my girl @handinvampirichand and now we're mutuals with wildly different taste in things but we're cool.

95. favorite app on your phone?

i like tumblr

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

uhh mine, my moms, my moms house, my brother's, my dads. jg wentworth 877 CASH NOW. so thats 6

[lunatic-fandom-space]

since ive been really obsessed with elisabeth: das musical and I found out that a bunch of different guys from that musical made one about rudolf as well, ive been thinking about watching it but i was never really in the mood because im not much of a Frank Wildhorn girlie ngl, like his music is fine, its not bad at all it just always leaves me thinking "eh, couldve been better" and as far as I was concerned i already HAD better so why bother. BUT for some reason I was like "I dont wanna just go to bed early on sylvester like ive done these past few years because thats super lame" and I decided that I would stay up until 22:00 and then watch this rudolf musical as the new year comes in. which is only slightly less lame than what i usually do

Anyway, i did that, I dont have any strong feelings about it, the only reason im telling you all that is that I need to share a with you the moment during my watching experience where my thoughts and the musical managed to achieve perfect synthesis by complete coincidence

so ive talked before about how i would really like to read and write elisabeth fanfics but I cant bring myself to because its technically rpf and my brain simply prevents me from doing that. Well, fortunately for me my weird brain doesnt prevent me from reading fanfics about den tod, which is to say fanfics where people just plop elisabeth!death into some other fandom for the purposes of having their blorbos engage in some philosophical and/or romantic interactions with that gnc af man. And theres this one fanfic that i read, i believe it was a les mis fic (the les mis fandom loves den tod btw more than other fandoms for some reason) where this guy who always has Death sortof hangin out in his periphery for some reason thinks to himself something like "oh, hes quite beautiful, i bet it would be fun to have a little death with death ;)" and I really like that fic Im very surprised that that was the only time ive encountered a joke like that. Maybe theres more of those in the actual elisabeth fanfics idk

back to the other musical, i just got through the first act and it was fine but Im getting pretty tired because Im usually in bed by 18:30 but now its like 23 pm, so I start to zone out a little and I start thinking about that fanfic I just described to you like damn, you would think i wouldve encountered the idea of connecting literal death with the metaphorical little death before but I guess not.maybe i just need to read more idk. And just as Im thinking that, we get to a scene in the musical where Rudolf is at like a brothel or smth hangin out with a bunch of women and shitty guys and they start singing this song about sex but its also obviously a song about suicide and I am immediately at attention again babeyyyy these historical musicals know just how to reel me in

[slydiddledeedee]

DOFLAMINGOOO BABEYYYY 1. 8. 21. 22. ◀️ me doxxing you

i won't lie this does feel like creating an elaborate pie-in-the-face trap only to set it off myself. anyway

1 - Why do you like or dislike this character? I find Doflamingo such an insanely interesting character because he shows up and sucks SO BAD. But also from the get go the way he's portrayed is so intriguing--he's flamboyant and has a finger in every pie and says the most insane things, and then you find out how he operates and it's absolutely horrific. The way Oda wrote him to have this tragic backstory and still not excuse any of his actions is one of his best writing choices imo--it really hammers how nothing justifies your actions except you yourself. I really do think about his psyche a lot because he is shown to be somewhat irrational from the viewer's pov, which always makes me think: what is going through his head which makes this rational?

8 - What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

Aside from the awful incest too many people are obsessed with (given), I really don't like it when dfmgo is over-simplified in either direction! He's not this traumatized victim who is solely acting out of fear and actually has a good heart (did you read the manga.) nor is he just i'm craaaaazy i'm insane asylum i'm gonna getcha etc. I also think his voice as a character is tough for me to read because idk. I think about him Often.

21 - If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

MAN.....i really like showing the awful ways he expresses love and how he is human despite his best efforts!! for example in family resemblance in the very first chapter when (spoilers) rosi comes in to help him and notices a stain on his coat, i wanted to write it with this unspoken trust between the two of them (though really more between doflamingo and rosi) where rosi automatically knows he has to clean the coat, which is a show of love from doflamingo because if he didn't love rosi (and in his mind conversely if rosi didn't love him) he wouldn't "allow" rosi to take and clean the coat, and rosi wouldn't keep his secret safe. similarly, later, when doflamingo is talking to tsuru he mentions how choosing to be killed with a bullet (vs his strings) is "the boring choice," which are words she later throws back in his face to comment how he killed his own brother. TLDR; writing doflamingo's love and how it is inseparable from anger for him. at the risk of sounding totally insane i can't think of anything i don't like doing when writing for doflamingo. i only write what i like and what i think will be good

22 - If you're a fic reader and have read for this character, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? something you don't like?

SAINT YOU KNOW I HAVE BEEN IN THE METAPHORICAL TRENCHES. It really really really comes down to characterization for me and there are veeeery few fics I've read where I can finish and nod and go yeah you know what I believe it. It's not about serious topics vs something more flippant; I've read both toned types of stories and there are people who characterize him in a way I really like!! but overwhelmingly i start to read things and am not drunk enough to get through it. to reiterate what i said above i don't like swinging too hard in either direction (which effectively flattens him as a character for me if not outright contradicts the source material in a significant way). on a more broad level i don't like when people oversimplify his relationship with the family in general--in particular cora, but really any of them. there's a lot of meat on them there bones yknow

Thanks for the ask saint MWAH!!!!

[a-problematic-writer]

New and Improved S1 Jesse Profiles

Like it says on the tin! Just the improved versions of my S1 Jesse profiles. Got all of their lore sorted and am happy with where they are! A few got new names. That’s about it! Under a read more because, dear lord, did I have a lot to say.

Jemma! (Yellow Clip/Highlight)

Chaos incarnate because she's a child at heart. She's aloof and a bit of a loner and socially selective. (Yes, this does make running Beacon Town hard, but she manages) Only certain people have been able to get into her circle. And it's only then that her more chaotic traits jump out. She has more sense and self-control than other Jesse's who may try drinking lava, though the curiosity would be there. She prefers to doodle than participate in meetings or do paperwork. (However, she does know to an extent she's supposed to do those things) Always down for a game of tag. A 4'11'' can of whoop ass. She's kinda like a small dog. Can and will pick a fight and win. Professional at hide and seek. A whole Lesbian. So into women it HURTS. Left-handed! Her weapon of choice is a trident and WHEW. It's probably custom and enchanted to the nines. That's her BABY. Despite not quite understanding redstone to the fullest, she thought Ellegaard was the coolest. Family life wise, she was raised by her grandparents.

Her nickname's include Jem, Emma, and Em. [Em is typically exclusive to Petra <3]

She would honestly be the one playing with the kids around Beacon Town instead of making the big decisions for the city. This is one of the few Jesse's I imagine leaves with Petra. She doesn't want routine! She wants to explore and have fun! Her Beacon Town was like canon standard BT. *Chaos.* Just the way she likes it.

She’s dating Petra and, besties, they are the sweetest couple. They’re out there having fun together exploring the world!!!!

Josiah! (Red Suspenders)

He's tired. Really tired. Let him sleep, please. But if you do, know he sleeps like a rock. And is super cuddly in his sleep. He likes, like, 5 people, maybe (Aiden's one of them). Despite that though, he's like super personable. People like him a lot even if he likes none of them. If Josiah likes you, though, he's likely to tell you how much you mean to him. Super affectionate to his friends. Doesn't want to even be touched by other people. He's kinda grumpy. I suspect it's because he's always tired. Sarcastic to everyone. Except his friends. As I said, he loves his friends and would lay down his life for them. He prefers animals to people, but says that; "Some animals are just as jerk-y as humans. Those animals are cats. They are surprisingly my favorite of the not-pig animals." A bit of a griefer, ngl. Can and will destroy you (and your minecraft house). My tallest Jesse coming in at 6'0''. Absolutely ADORES bracelets. Wears several. Pansexual. Anygender goes, babeyyyy. Right-handed! Weapon of choice is your standard diamond sword preferably with Sharpness and Knockback. Enemies are gettin' FLUNG. He thought Gabriel was the coolest, hands down. He lived with Axel and his family until he was old enough to be out on his own.

His nicknames include Jo, Si, and Siah. (Siah's rare and might get you punched unless you're Aiden in which it will get you stabbed [Guess who still calls him Siah and starts to get away with it])

He likes Beacon Town a lot, but running it is a hassle. He leaves with Petra with some serious reservations because f r i e n d s but he knows they'll be there when he gets back. (He ends up catching up with an old rival while out and about anyway and makes 3 new friends) His Beacon Town, just like Jemma's, was pretty canon standard. Though, I definitely think he kept things a BIT more uniform!

Ngl, he’s likely dating Aiden. They’re both mean and get to be mean together. On the flip side, I could also see him and Axel together. I’m not willing to officially choose. It’s one of them.

Jasmine! (Red Clip/Highlight)

The absolute brightest ball of sunshine you'll ever meet! An optimist through and through! Though, not quite in the morning. Let her get awake though and she's back to herself! She LOVES to dance and you best believe if you're her friend dancing is a must and required, with or without music! She's extroverted to the MAX. Collects friends like baseball cards and cherishes them even more. Kind of a flashy/glamorous person! She can totally run in heels and loves wearing nice clothes. 5'6'' and loving it! She's fun-sized :> Has the patience of a saint. And is so forgiving it's insane. Forgive and forget to the max of the phrase. Though she doesn't let people step all over her in the slightest. Pansexual :> Right-handed! Loves a nice gold sword [Flashy, remember?] Definitely a dual wielder. They're enchanted to the max and she can do DAMAGE with them. Definitely learned from Isa. Thinks all of the Old Order were the coolest. She grew up on her uncles farm.

She is known as Jazz to everyone and that's what she prefers to be called! [On the rarer side there's Jazzy which is exclusive to Aiden and Stella]

Beacon Town is her pride and joy! So, of course, she stays. She's ready for a quiet life. Hers definitely has a more modern, cyberpunk, solarpunk vibe! Glitzy and flashy but in the most down to earth way with plenty of room for the citizens to vote on projects and include their own!

She’s dating Aiden. They’re the sunshine/grumpy trope, wholeheartedly.

Javier! (Green Suspenders)

He's the type to joke about/make light of minor inconveniences and big problems. He's very sarcastic but in like the nicest way possible? He's serious despite his constant joking, I promise. He loves hats? Beanies, ball caps, etc. he owns them, he wears them, he loves them. Also hoodies! He owns like 50+ ("What? They're comfy!" is his number one defense to people's questioning stares at his hoodie collections) He's not all that into sweets. Will occasionally eat one or two. He really likes jazz music; more often than not that's what's playing on his jukebox. He's 5'5'' and mad about it. Honestly, he's just like your average older Gen Z. You know, the one who's over the age of 16 and shitposts about how shitty life and the world are. The definitely not okay but pretends they are kinda Gen Z. That's Javier. Architecture buff. He really knows his stuff! Another Pansexual :> Left-handed king! Just hand him any kind of weapon he'll learn how to use it with finesse <3 Thought Soren was the coolest and incorporated a lot of his architecture style into his own [suffered a horrible version of "never meet your heroes"] He was raised by his two moms and they lived happily in town.

He goes by the nickname Javi more often than not. Friend or foe. He's Javi. (Or Jav [said like Javi without the 'ee' sound at the end] by close friends/a partner)

He's dedicated to leading Beacon Town. He likes the stability the routine of it gives him. So, he let Petra go off on her own but not without swearing her into writing at least twice a month. His Beacon Town is very lush and soft on the eyes. Brick and terracotta are used liberally and he's always happy to include citizens in the planning of new expansions.

Javi’s either with Aiden or Lukas; maybe Aiden and Lukas. I don’t have much else on the matter except that he likes his men tall and wearing a leather jacket.

Jaime! (Blue Clip/Highlight)

She's probably one of the kindest people you'll ever meet but she is so sad. She's afraid of being alone and often wonders if she's good enough. Needs a hug fr fr. A long one, at least an hour of being held. She might cry though. Despite this, she tries to be upbeat and jokes a lot. And can be a menace when she wants to be. None of her friends are safe from pranks and teasing. Also, she's super loyal to her friends! Definitely a ride or die. So brave! Sometimes a bit reckless, but she gets the job done. Definitely has a bit of a temper. Though it's rare it shows through. Very curious! Can sometimes seem nosy, but she just likes learning things! This plays well into her ability to sleuth things out and solve mysteries. She's a clothes thief, 100%. Shirts are the number one thing she takes. Owns at least a couple from all her friends. A really good piano player. It's a hobby she doesn't often get to take part in. Reading and adventuring usually take precedence. Mostly because she can't say no to a good book or new adventure. A decent enchanter and potion brewer! Another Pansexual <3 Right-handed! Sword and shield is her forte. Definitely uses a diamond blade with Sharpness on it. Ivor's her favorite Old Order member. She's learned a lot from him. She was raised by her parents who were the Minecraft equivalent of governors/mayors/politicians.

Jaime's typical nickname is Jay! Aime is another one though on the rarer side. Typically used by Olivia, Axel, and Stella. The rarest goes to Jaybird and Blue Jay. Jaybird coming from her parents and later being adopted by Lukas and Blue Jay coming from Aiden <3

She adores Beacon Town and wants a life of peace after S2 so she chooses to stay despite hating watching Petra go. Her Beacon Town is Steampunk and super lush and green and filled with flowers. It's a center for travel and an adventurer's stop!

She’s, of course, dating Aiden, currently. They’d had a will they/won’t they dynamic for some time. Also, she and Lukas had a small stint as a couple. A few months or so, methinks.

Javon! (Yellow Suspenders)

Has a bit of a temper and that makes him seem really mean but he's actually so nice. Like so so so nice and super gentle. He just usually doesn't like strangers and that makes him seem very unapproachable. He loves his friends though. Would commit crimes in their favor. Would also kick someone's teeth in for them. He's really good with redstone and rigging traps; specifically explosives. A griefer sometimes. Definitely loves Boom Town. He loves playing the guitar and learned at a young age! Likes collecting rocks; has all sorts of cool ones. While he dislikes strangers he's still super polite. And great at moving a crowd! Another Pansexual for the Pansexual Jesse tally. Right-handed! Nothing beats explosives when it comes to weapons however he's a decent archer! Loves his crossbow dearly. His favorite member of the Old Order is Magnus. He was raised by his dad. They lived in a little cabin on the outskirts of town.

His close friends call him Von! It's the only nickname he really has.

He also stays in Beacon Town. May or may not have been for a blonde, no one can prove it though. His Beacon Town is full on Steampunk. Greenery can be seen in some places. It's kinda like an extension to Redstonia in a way. Redstone and technological advancement are appreciated in both—with a side of destruction also being achieved in BT.

He’s dating Lukas. That blonde has had him in a chokehold for years and, tbh, who would blame him?

[vespertin-y]

afternoon liveblog! GUESS WHO’S GOT TWO THUMBS AND MORE STUFF FOR THEIR SACRIFICE KOKICHI PINBOARD BABEYYYY

-not tsumugi’s idea of god just being izuru 😭 how did i not catch this easter egg before,,,

-”...cults like these can be reaaally annoying if you get on their bad side.” how do you know that, kokichi?

-i HIGHLY doubt angie was meant to smash that flashback light...in a more interesting version of ch3, tsumugi kills her for this and gets away with it until ch6....i just really wanted them to use the first-come-first-serve culprit rule ok.

-”ummm...what if we get another time limit motive, like the one that got rantaro killed? ...shouldn’t we have a sacrifice prepared, just in case?” “you mean...if someone has to die, we should volunteer someone we resurrected?” COLD, angie, cold. anyway this scene is made WAY funnier if you imagine an extremely offended kaede, rantaro, ryoma, and kirumi watching it on TV.

-kaito is Going Thru It...it’s impossible to tell how much of his suffering is because of his illness worsening and how much of it is his genuine terror at the supernatural, but either way he is straight up not havin a good time rn.

-ok so shuichi and kokichi proceed to have a very long (and completely optional!) side conversation and literally all of it makes me insane so here it is, line-by-line:

-”oh, but angie wants to make rantaro the transfer student, huh? i don’t want him to come back to life.” “why?” “it’s cuz...i love you most, shuichi. i’m always thinking about you...and you’d rather see kaede brought back to life, huh?” “th-that’s...” “you’re so admirable! that’s why i wanna support you! oh wait, that’s a lie!” “...” the og explanation i made for this got a little too personal and a little too sad, so i’ll just say a) again, it’s much easier to make people *think* you’re lying than it is to actually lie, and b) adding ‘but that’s a lie!’ is like saying it’s not gay because you wore socks, OUMA.

-“come to think of it, i once saw this anime that was also about a death game...the mastermind sacrificed a family member as the first victim to get the killing started.” PIN! BOARD! PIN! BOARD! PIN! BOARD!

-“sacrificed a family member? as in...killed them?” “yeah, as a show of force. maybe that’s what happened to rantaro...what if rantaro was working for the mastermind? bringing him back might be a bad idea.” “n-no, that’s idiotic! rantaro couldn’t have been working for the mastermind...” [but...is it really impossible? we only knew rantaro for a short time. he did seem as though he was kind of used to the killing game.] “nee-heehee...looks like you’re starting to understand what i’m getting at, shuichi.” FROTHS AT THE FUCKING MOUTH,,,they both clocked how sus rantaro is but because of the way kaede’s death spent them tailspinning in opposite directions (natural extrovert kokichi becoming isolated and paranoid bc he thinks he’ll end up like her + natural introvert shuichi fighting his own caution to integrate into the group bc he has to fulfill her wish) they can’t have a real conversation about it. I Am So Normal About This.

-FTE time - this time kokichi’s second one! (this is just his episode, apparently). the fact that we know his love of yu-gi-oh is genuine because he really obviously based his outfit off of seto kaiba is fantastic, but my favorite bit is that he “plays” by drawing random cards and seeing who’s number is bigger - the hallmark of kids who collected the pretty cards but had no idea what the actual rules were (like me and all seven of my siblings hpshjdhbsgdh).

-one of maki’s next! shuichi telling her her backstory sounds fake is funny for like, eight different reasons. the holy salvation society’s strategy of being so suspicious for cult reasons no one realizes they’re suspicious for assassin reasons is also great. (shuichi is...bizarrely slow on the uptake here, though. maki saying ‘god really doesn’t exist in this world’ and shuichi responding with ‘so, you’re a devotee in the cult?’ made me ?????. it’s so out of character i can’t even be mad at maki calling him a fucking dumbass. she’s right!)

-kaitoooo :[ don’t call yourself pathetic for being sick, please,,,,

-”i think...himiko has gotten so lazy, she’s given up on thinking for herself...that’s why she’s depending on angie.” bold move to describe joining a cult because you’re suicidally depressed as “lazy”, but i suppose i can’t fault tenko for something that’s more a flaw with DR itself. her heart is in the right place, at least.

-”she thinks she’s [kami-sama]’s vessel, so she doesn’t feel guilty about anything she does.” “and that’s why you want me to kill her?” “huh!?” “asking someone like me for a “favor” can only mean one thing.” “...i...won’t deny that. i’ve wanted her gone even before all this happened. and i think everyone has wanted someone to die at least once in their life...but going through with it is a different thing! it’s wrong for a person to commit murder! it doesn’t matter what the reason is!” i disagree but i think it’s Neat seeing where all the V3 characters fall on this moral spectrum!!

-not maki and kaito having the exact same ‘just bang on the door 1 billion times’ strategy 😭 that’s rlly funny actually.

-”no, angie. that’s not possible. the bodies were not fakes. i’m positive. especially after seeing the wax effigies. the effigies were nearly perfect, but the real bodies still had traces of a soul. a soul desperate to live, struggling, fighting for life...that’s something that can never be replicated. no matter what technology you have, you can’t fake a soul.” how does he apply this to kiibo, i wonder...?

-”[kami-sama] says that if we do the ritual, everyone who has died up till now will come back. so...if those four really are dead, then the resurrection ritual will surely work.” she’s switched from bringing back rantaro to bringing back everyone...!? that’s not what monokuma promised.

-”if you’re gonna slow me down, i’ll turn you into a wax effigy! nyahahaha!” JESUS H CHRIST

-tenhimi breakup scene :((( the babygirls r so toxic,,,

-”you should let shuichi tell you how to apologize. he’s really good at it.” i...can’t tell if this is meant to be an insult or not......

-that’s the end of day twelve! see you next time :]

[fakeloveaskblog]

Hi, me again. I have a long string of numbers from the ask the author. I thought that I’d go through and type out a couple that I’d like to know about and that ended up being most of them, don’t feel pressured to answer all of them. The numbers are 1,2,3,4,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,17,19,20,21,22,23,24 and 25. Sorry for asking so many.

Also make sure not to stress out over the long ask. I don’t know about the other Watchers but I’m happy to wait until you’ve finished it, even if it takes a while, I know it will be worth the wait if your other asks are anything to go by. I don’t know if you are worried about not getting it done quickly or not, but if you are I figured this might help.

Glow Eyes

Aw thanks. That does help. Tho honestly im more frustrated i havent gotten any day off to just rest and have time to write bc i really want to write!! Especially since i’m averaging a 5/10 on the pain scale every single second im awake rn. I deserve my rest dfhkjgfh

1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

I am only capable of writing 1 story at a time so I’m basically holding off on uh everything until this blog is done. I am very excited to get to write more for my other AUs. Like my “New eden” au which is like the sides happening to meet at a specialized inpatient and there’s loceit and rem(2) and angst and stuff. And I got 2 others i’m excited for bc they’ve got lots of worldbuilding and i havent done much of that in my writing but when i made those AUs i realized i really dig worldbuilding. I am planning on letting y’all vote on which of my AUs should get an askblog when this story is done btw

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

Jfkfk the one stucky fic i wrote at like 12. In 1 chapter i put in a self insert and had cap validate my non binaryness. Apparently i thought it was so embarasing i have deleted several chapters from it but i dont remember actually doing that

3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

Front to back babeyyyy always. Sometimes i scribble down a future scene so i dont forget it but otherwise its all first scene to last

4) favorite character you’ve written

I really did enjoy writing Roman as Jaws in my James Bond au just bc it was such a stupid concept. I also have a soft spot for my son Envy. Before Remus existed Envy was my green side. He was also a gremlin. I love writing dogs <333 Thomas as a dog <3 Roman as a dog <3 Virgil as a big fluffy service dog <333 

7) when asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

I usually tell people i write. Usually not that i write fanfic

8) favorite genre to write

I guess drama? Slice of life? Romance? Whatever you call this. I have written action and thriller stuff as well but i prefer this. I just love angst 💗💓💚🧡💛 even whump 😈 and some good comfort

9) what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

I ramble with my beloved best friend 💚 our brainstorm sessions get so ridicolously long. For some aus like the New Eden one the plot would look Completely different if it wasnt for him. I probs wouldnt have expanded it so much

10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?

I always have to have music on or i cant concrentate. Cant even sit in the same room as other people while writing if theyre chatting loudly

11) what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?

Bro i used to over explain everrryyythhing. I know i still ramble a lot and put in way too many details in my writing but somehow i used to be even worse!! I also was one of those who wrote like "The boy with the round glasses said" instead of just saying their goddamn names

12) your weaknesses as an author

Uhm everything? Jk. But i really do think that writing in of itself isn’t my strong suit. I always feel like i use the same words too much. The same metaphors. Same flowery texts. My grammar isn’t good either. 

13) your strengths as an author

If i would have any strenght it would maybe be uhhhh concepts? I’m shit at writing but i do like to think i can come up with some interesting concepts for stories? i like how many times I’ve made the sides into a literal dog in my AUs. thats fun i guess. maybe my strenght could be uhh funny?? people say im funny sometimes?? i dunno in my opinion i think im pretty average. nos trenghts

19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

....I.......I just remember it.......in my head...I know, i’m horrible. I have tried to write up timelines but it never works for me. Sometimes I use the brainstorms with my bestie on discord as a type of timeline but most of the time I do just keep everything in my brain. Which is stupid bc my memory sucks

20) do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?

I really wanna say i prefer longer sit downs but the thing is my attention span is shit so it usually becomes me “writing” for like 3 hours but half the time was spent watching youtube

21) what do you think when you read over your older work?

22) are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?

Not that I can think of. When i’m writing im in control of what happens obviously so things that make me dissociate or super uncomfy if i saw it in my day to day life dont have any negative effect on me bc im the one writing. Tho one thing i stray from writin nowadays is eating disorders

24) have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?

Girl ive looked up the most random shit. Different types of mazes, hotels in kentucky, etc. But really i wouldnt say im an expert on these things but i appreciate how much fics have made me learn about different disabilities. i do have chronic pain and some other shit which has made me put in disabled sides in my fics but its not like i have fibro or im deaf or have a brain injury so i have to read up on this stuff and it’s genuinly fascinating to learn. My fics have also let me learn a lot more about different cultures, in this AUs case i’ve learnt a lot about judaism to write the twins C: i would love to write romani sides in the future bc my family is partially romani but until i do that i like putting in that jewish rep. the fandom needs it hfkjhf

i hope me just talking about myself wasnt too annoying sorry

[ichayalovesyou]

Why Does God Need A Starship? (Live Reaction):

I always thought Sybok was cool and interesting and NOW I’m sure! You know it’s times like these that I’m grateful I kinda came back into the Star Trek fandom on my own, because I don’t have to deal with Opinions of older/louder Trekkies. This one kinda has a lukewarm reputation but I’m getting the vibe that I’ll genuinely enjoy it.

Yet again Bones is serving up some LOOKS damn! Look at these elder gays! Spock has rocket boots, amazing. “Because it’s there” and then falling off the goddamn mountain is such a James Tiberius Kirk thing to do 😂 “HI BONES!” These guys omfg. OH MY GOD SO WE DO SEE CAITIANS OUTSIDE THE CARTOONS?? Hell yeah! Also pole dancing to no music, is... weird. Lmao. Also okay I’m sorry Sybok is cool! Sybok is cool and interesting and I really like him! (Not morally obviously dude is shady as all fuck, but a cool dude nontheless!) Always fascinated by Cult Leader type villains, especially when they point out valid criticisms about the society from which they came (important distinction is that the CAUSE is not vilified, but the person and their means, something M****l has largely forgotten)

Awww I may ship Hikura, but Uhura & Scotty are also cute as hell!! Awwwwwww!!!! Old married couples can be so freaking cute. Chekov & Sulu are LOST ohhhh my god this is hilarious, these two idiots. Also can we talk about how Koenig’s eyebrows are slowly gaining sentience and Takei aged like fine wine? Lol. THE HOLY TRINITY OF ELDER GAYS ARE CAMPINGGGG! I’m- oh my god they’re so cute. “Marshmelon” this is cute as hell oh my god. They’re indulging and messing with Spock at the same time I’m dead! They’re singing ohh my god this gonna give me cavities with how sweet it is!!!

This Klingon dude is frickin ROCKING the eyeliner! Bruhhhh was the frickin spotlight necessary! Leave the gays alone SHHHH they’re SLEEPING!! Lmao. Yo I’ll be real this movie starts incredibly slowly but I seriously do not mind, it’s relaxing to not have to worry about missing important details if you look away for a second, it’s nice. WAIT? Does Jim’s shirt say GOT MILK?!!? Oh no, it says go climb a rock, oh thank god [“fatty milkers” flashbacks]

Seriously McCoy is just radiating so much old southern lady/gay energy in this movie and I love it so freaking much “if you ask me (and you haven’t) this is a horrible idea” he sounds like my North Carolina living Meemaw. Wow you can see Spock low-key taking psychic damage from seeing Sybok 😲 V’tosh Ka’tur of the highest order huh? Still disturbing that his government literally cast him out, that’s a red flag 😬. What happened with Sybok is probably a lot of why Spock was pressured to be as Vulcan as he was, I’m sure Sybok was a massive scandal/shame for Sarek, and knowing him, he’d end up making that his kids’ problem not his 🙄

Oh neat!! Chekov is in the in the captain’s chair. Oh this is the song they replaced Nichols’s voice for 😤 but also GIRL THAT WAS BADASS AND THAT SONG WAS A BOP! Quick question, wow these “alien” horses are somehow even worse than the unicorn dog (also it’s a desert planet, wouldn’t it be better to have, like, alien camels or something?) This dude’s Klingon is freakin impeccable btw! He’s really got the vibe down! Jim did you forget how fuckin bananas strong Vulcans are??? Sybok went like 😡☹️ when Spock pointed that laser rifle at him 😂😂😂 again even tho I know Scotty and Uhura are married but it’s scenes like getting held hostage right there where they radiate such POWER COUPLE energy GAWD! 🤩

Stay out of this Bones we’re having a lover’s quarrel! Jim is taking fucking psychic damage from this entire conversation lol. Okayyyy whatever Sybok is doing is definitely some kind of mind control type thing, that shit is creepy af no thank youuuuuu (spores anyone?). Oh my god Spock & Jim are so married lmao, that “I’m sorry” Vulcan kiss in the brig man Aw. (Oh man Magic’s of mega-tsu got devani mixed by that comment lame!) SCOTTYYYYYY!! YAS!

Yay rocket boot glomp! Lmfao! Sybok needs to brush up on his earth history Columbus did NOT figure out the world is round 🙄 Ah Scotty being like “listen, you’re not okay rn so I’m not really down for whatever you think you wanna do right now it can wait until you’re right in the head again” and they could’ve not done that and it would’ve been creepy (especially by today’s standards) but they didn’t! And that was awesome!

Bones being skeptical and has every right to be! He’s faced down would be gods and would-be messiahs before! Also I’ve seen people judge Bones for being the first to cave but Sybok totally did that shit to him without consent! He didn’t go back on his beliefs, Sybok forced him to! BONES PROTECTION SQUAD IS HERE AND ITS ME! Oh Bones, man, poor babeyyyy (fuck Sybok!) 😭😭😭 OH MY GOD BONESSSSSS Sybok leave him alone! Goddamnit! Leave him alone!

I think Jim can see Spock’s Sybok induced vision cuz they’re ✨Bonded✨ (it didn’t seem like they could see Bones’s, other than what Bones was doing). JIM KNOWS SO MUCH BETTER! ITS HOW HE BEAT THE SPORES ITS HIS CORE! I UNDERSTAND AND LOVE HIM FOR IT!!! Spock 😍😍😍 he’s like, you’re bullshit happiness pill doesn’t work on me cuz I am whole for the first time in my life, and I love my husband, and I already learned my lesson decades ago 💚🖖🏻💚 (who knew how important the character development from This Side of Paradise AND Return To Tommorow would be??? Hell yeah!)

I love Scotty so much 🥰 hardcore badass Hufflepuff from beginning to end! Also I hope Sybok appears in SNW that could be really really interesting if they do it right! ITS GOD (derogatory) REVERE HIM! Oh here comes that legendary question!! “What dies God need with a starship?” Red flag don’t call Jim a creature! Oh shit god has laxer eyes oh no lmao! Bones snaps out of whatever Sybok did to him when “God” hurts his friends and we LOVE HIM FOR ITTTT! Awww Spock & Sybok and be saaaaad, oh shit! Into the lightning to fight a mirror of yourself like Lazarus in that one episode!

OH SHIT THE KLINGONS ARE HERE! Oh damn Spock just swore a cuss the right way, at a Klingon General no less! General dude just went “caotain tell Kirk you are sorry!” LMAO! NOT IN FRONT OF THE KLINGONS 😂😂😂😍 KISS DAMNIT!! God this whole after scene is so good, maybe the god is the friends we made along the way. “I lost a brother once” you also lost SAM dummy, I know you were just telling Spock you love him but still. SHUT UP SPOCK IS PLAYING ROW ROW ROW YOUR BOAT ON HIS LYRE??

Okay, seriously, I unironically love this movie, it might be my favorite out of the ones I’ve seen so far actually. TMP felt like the movies getting their sea legs, but it was slow and messy, it wasn’t as thought provoking as it wanted to be (aside from Spock’s wonderful arc in that film). WoK & TSFS are amazing for drama and angst and Spirk content, but they weren’t really asking the big questions Star Trek is wonderful for. Then The Voyage Home is just plain silly and fun and wholesome. But this, this movie had depth! The whole premise is “what is god and is there is one?” I LOVE that as someone who has a very complicated relationship with spirituality. I also already loved the TOS episodes This Side of Paradise, Return To Tomorrow, The Omega Glory and The Way To Eden, and this movie had the best of those concepts! Sybok was such a fascinating antagonist/anti-hero and I hope we get to see him explored more on screen one day, even if it’s just through Discovery/SNW flashbacks. It may have started off slow and it’s not without its flaws but this felt like the Star Trekkiest TOS Star Trek movie so far!

[violasmirabiles]

tagged by @panwriter, thank you xx

why did you choose your url? went through the scientific names of various violets because thought it was funny because one of my names can be translated as violet or pansy in english; the finnish name of viola mirabilis happened to provide me with an additional stealth fandom reference (yeah its lehto-orvokki yeah its that Finnish War Thing). also i think violamirabilis was taken so now im just. a bunch of flowers

any side blogs? @ihmekukkavesi for my photos - pretty inactive because, ah, im, how do you say, lazy as fuck, and @shineondoc for university hell

how long have you been on tumblr? since december 2011 babeyyyy

do you have a queue tag? no i do not. this shitshow is always brought to you in real time

why did you start your blog in the first place? classic rock fandom, especially pink floyd. i was sixteen and lonely and had no one my age to bond with over the music and the musicians i liked

why did you choose your icon/pfp? thats a selfie. i have a good face. ive been thinking about updating it for a week now though since i changed my hair and am blonde again but im lazy, you know how it is

why did you choose your header? symposion by akseli gallen-kallela. theres two reasons and they are 1) love the “night out with the lads but its 1894 and we cant take a selfie so im just gonna have to paint a fucking oil painting later” thing its got going on and 2) LOVE the colors. this painting has also been my phone homescreen bg for a long time

what’s your post with the most notes? uhh. probably this?

how many mutuals do you have? quite a few. no really ive never counted i dont know the exact number. ive had this blog for ten years for gods sake.

how many followers do you have? 2326. dont know how many are active

how many people do you follow? 654. also dont know how many are active and oftentimes its like i intend to do some Spring Cleaning and come across blogs that havent been active in YEARS but i just. cant bring myself to unfollow them because what if they come back someday

have you ever made a shitpost? have you not? of course i have. 

how often do you use tumblr everyday? many quick checks throughout the day whenever im bored and theres a notification on my phone. how else does one “use” tumble dot hell

did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? hm. i mean not really? like. there was that one time i noticed someone reposted a friends edit claiming it as their own even though it had said friends url on it and everything and i said something along the lines of hey dont do that thats not cool and then got a Mysterious Anon message that said something along the lines of fuck you bitch what are you gonna do. this was Years ago. also there was another time, also years ago, when i got another mysterious anon that was like “i dont like you” and then “oh you think youre so perfect well you ARE i should just go kill myself” because ?? someone they followed followed me as well and apparently reblogged a lot of my posts and ??? yeah i dont know either.

how do you feel about “you need to reblog this”? guilt tripping bullshit. like, sure, if the post is legit important and the “WHY ARENT PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT THIS” comment is in the reblogs or something i might rb from the source or otherwise without That Comment. and yes i have reblogged posts with those comments before, again, have been here for a long time, but, eh. im not very likely to touch a post that has a comment like that. im tired. im twenty six. i read news. even watch em on tv sometimes if im somewhere with a tv. tumblr is not where i Go Get My Fix Of News.

do you like tag games? yeah!! i keep forgetting to do them but i do love them and being tagged in them!

do you like ask games? yeah! but im so fucking lazy and forgetful!

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? theres a few! and theres a few who have like. one or two posts that got Huge and i keep seeing those posts on a whole different corner of my dash and go oh :) hey thats my friend :)

do you have a crush on a mutual? nope

tagging: uhh my brains been buffering for five minutes so im not gonna tag anyone at this time sorrY

[dhwty-writes]

Zutara Week Day 1 - Reunion

It’s Zutara Week again babeyyyy! I am so excited for this, prepare to see nothing else of me for the next week. Thanks so much @zutaraweek for this year’s prompts, they are amazing! I haven’t got everything written yet and I hope that I manage to get through it this year instead of chickening out like last year. Anyways, those of you who have already read my 2k18 Zutara Week and my 2k19 attempt will know that I always connect the prompts to one coherent story. And wouldn’t you believe it, this year they’re even in the right order!

But now enough of that, here’s what you’re all here for:

Read on AO3

There was a revolution going on and it wasn't Zuko's fault.

It had started about three months ago on one of the outer islands where the scars still ran deep and the power of the Fire Lord was weak. Zuko could understand it. At least he thought he could because peace was hard earned and harder kept and setbacks were frustrating. There were a lot of setbacks.

When they had won the war one decade ago, they had been full of childish naivete. Because at one point they had truly believed that defeating Azula and Ozai would mean an end to all hostilities. At one point they had truly believed that these two battles would end the war. It had been childish. It had been naive. They had been children.

Ten years, however, were a very long time. A very long time for children to grow up. A very long time for trauma to subside. A very long time to be sitting in an opulent war room again arguing with the same people about the same questions because it was always the same people. Time changed but war didn't.

The problem was that the island was small and close to the Earth Kingdom and there hadn't been much to do besides build factories and build weapons. So, many people had lost their jobs when the war ended. More people had lost everything when the Earth Kingdom had come in demanding reparations taking everything in sight. Most people had lost all hope when the Fire Lord sat idly by because there wasn't much he could do. And now there was hunger and sickness and poverty and Zuko couldn't do anything because his whole country was hungry and sick and poor.

The problem was, that he couldn't be everywhere at once. He had a palace and a throne in Caldera and honestly one island was a lot of responsibility for one person, not to speak of several dozen. That was the reason he had governors on every island. The problem was, some of them weren't very good. This one, Governor Yozin, wasn't very good at all. He was old and grey and fidgeting with the seam of his robes whenever Zuko so much as glanced in his direction. He was no leader. Zuko knew he had to replace him as soon as possible.

He had wanted to as soon as he arrived but he'd been heavily advised against doing so. Ten years ago, he'd done it anyways. Now he had grown a lot and learned even more so he knew that would be a bad move. He'd just wait a few months, shower him with honours and then offer him to retire on Ember Island of something. That always worked.

But right now, he had to deal with him and the cacophony of missteps that had led to the uprising in the first place. After the war the people who had returned had mostly been soldiers and child- and partnerless colonisers with only a little fight left in them - the war had wrung the Fire Nation dry, too. Those who had stayed in the colonies had been allowed to do so on grounds of happy marriages that resulted in children. And no child should be forced to leave their home for the wrongs of their ancestors - the Avatar and his global political leader and war hero friends had been quite adamant on that point.

Now however, the fighting spirit had returned fuelled by nearly a decade of deprivation and hopelessness. And it had returned with violence.

So, he was sat in the war room with the fool of a governor and his two oldest children who weren't very pleased of his arrival - no-one liked it when the Fire Lord showed up to take local politics into his own hand. There were other people, too, his own advisers who didn't like him much more than the governor sitting across from him.

And the worst part was the insufferable silence. He had attempted small talk at least, trying to remember what Sokka had drilled into his head about it, but Agni help him he hated those jokes, too, so he hadn't been too surprised by the icy silence the officials spared him.

"So," he cleared his throat awkwardly. "What exactly are we waiting for?" He knew the Avatar wasn't coming. He had tried to convince Aang - he really had - and he had promised to come but there was some spirit-related crisis somewhere on the other side of the world so that could take some time. He did, however, say that he would send someone from the old Team Avatar as form of authority. He really hoped for Suki. Or Sokka. Katara and Toph weren't exactly known for their diplomacy when their perception of justice was concerned.

"The rebels' leader," Yozin answered. "She agreed to come talk to us."

He nodded with a stony face resisting the urge to chew his advisers out. The rebels' leader? No-one had told him about that! But for the moment a displeased look with eyes that spit fire had to suffice - and it surely was enough to have his advisers sweating. "She's taking her time," he noted.

"She will come. We promised to hear her out."

Zuko repressed a sigh and went back to waiting.

He didn't know how long he had waited exactly when the doors opened and a woman stepped inside. No-one rose to greet her but that was really only because Zuko didn't recognise her for an embarrassingly long time.

The woman standing in front of him was tall and slender, her long curls tumbling freely down her back. She was wearing blue because of course she was, a short-sleeved tunic rimmed with fur and a long skirt with slits up to her hips over tight pants and boots. He counted four waterskins strapped to her broad belt and he gulped. The expression on her face was familiar and strange at the same time. It belonged to another time. A time of war that had ended ten years ago he never hoped to see again.

And yet, there it was and there she was of all people. "Katara!" he blurted out completely undignified before he could stop himself.

She turned to him slowly and there was only the tiniest gleam in her eyes as proof that she recognised him as anything other than the Fire Lord. "Hello, Zuko," she said with a voice that made the blood freeze in his veins, "nice of you to show up."

His expression froze on his face, mirroring her own. "Out," he ordered curtly. "Everyone." He heard the displeased grumbling of his advisers behind him shuffling uncomfortably where they knelt. "I won't repeat myself." That finally got them moving. "Not you!" He barked at the governor. This was his mess. He would solve it, too.

When the door shut behind them Zuko took a deep breath. For want of better ideas a deep breath was always a sound choice. Then he turned to Katara, his enemy, his friend, his saviour whom he hadn't seen for four years. "So, you are the leader of the rebellion," he stated calmly.

"I am their spokesperson. No more and no less."

He nodded grimly. "Your demands, Master Katara."

"Your majesty," the governor piped up, "I am not sure this is the right way to go about this situation."

"You agreed to her presence, now you will listen to her point of view. Please, Master Katara."

Without missing a beat, she started speaking: "We demand the immediate delivery of food, drinking water and medicine to end the prevalent crisis that threatens the livelihood of law-abiding Fire Nation citizens. We also demand a plan to be set up in order to solve the humanitarian crisis and rid the island of its economic emergency. Furthermore, we demand an end to the institutional violence executed by the brutal regime that is the Fire Nation legal code. And lastly, the removal of Governor Yozin from any position of power for incapacity. Permanently."

Zuko suppressed a sigh. That was just common sense. Still it was probably more than he could allow.

The governor's indignant gasp was proof enough for that. "This is unacceptable! I will never agree to such conditions."

"That is no longer your choice alone. Your incompetence to solve this crisis in a reasonable time frame proved this." He fixed him with a glare. "Your position, governor."

"There will be no allowances at all until the violence stops. The rebels were the first aggressors." He pointed at Katara. "She was the first aggressor! A rebel and a foreigner at that!"

"I will be the judge of that once I have heard several reports. Carry on. I want to get this over with."

"Once the violence stops and the rebels are brought to justice, I will gladly provide an economic plan. The rest of the demands lies outside of my power."

"Luckily, they are not outside of mine. I will have to think about them. You may leave now," Zuko told the governor who scurried to his feet in order to escape the tense situation. Once the door shut behind him the tension left Zuko's body and he sighed. "What in the name of all spirits, Katara?"

She chewed on her lip, still very silent. It was disturbing, really. The expression on her face didn't waver for even a moment.

He shook his head. She'd always been stubborn. "Can I at least tempt you for dinner? You look awful." She looked as if she wanted to retort something incredible clever so he quickly interrupted her: "I brought my own supplies. They're getting distributed as we speak."

She took a deep breath, then she fixed her eyes on his. "It would be my pleasure."

[autisticsidesau]

Can I have some Dee facts please

Part three babeyyyy 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part ...

TW: Ableism, Referenced Loneliness, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

So Remy asks “What’s wrong with your brother” and Dee is Immediately on the defensive bc that’s his brother asshole

His first words are “First off- Virgil’s nonbinary. They don’t mind the word ‘brother’ but they/them pronouns.” bc Dee’s gotta establish that first

And then Dee goes “And nothing’s wrong with them. They’re autistic, asshole. And…” is Dee really doing this? “And so am I.”

And Remy’s just there like No Clue what to say

So he says what he thinks is a compliment “You’re autistic? I’ve never noticed it before.”

And Dee is still Very Much on the defensive

And he snaps off a quick “yes” but doesn’t elaborate bc he’s also Scared Shitless bc this is his Only Friend and he’s kinda being an asshole rn but Dee doesn’t want to be alone at school anymore

So Dee takes a deep breath, “Okay let’s start with what you just said. I get that you think you’re probably complimenting me but you’re not. From my perspective that’s incredibly invalidating to hear because it can make me feel like I’m making it all up even though I know I’m autistic” 

Remy feels bad now because RSD, so he just offers a very meek apology

Dee takes another breath. “It’s- well it’s not okay. But thanks. Let’s just… can we sit and talk about a few things for a moment?”

And Remy nods and they sit down on Dee’s floor

Dee gets back up and grabs his snake because he needs the stim and pressure to help calm down and Remy’s just there kinda nervously twiddling his thumbs

Remy: “cool snake”

Dee: “thanks her name is Aristotle, but let’s not get off track here. So there entire time we’ve been friends you’ve been kinda… unintentionally ableist?”

Remy: “Ableist? What’s that?”

Dee: “uh okay so like.. Some of the things you’ve said have been… discriminatory? Towards disabled people.”

Remy: “Oh… oh shit im sorry I had no idea-”

Dee: “yeah it’s fine you didn’t know but… if we’re gonna keep being friends you’re gonna have to educate yourself, you can’t just say shit like that and think it’s fine.”

Remy: “ok… ok i can do that”

Dee: “Would it help if i start off by explaining why what you said and how you treated my brother pissed me off?”

Remy: “Yeah”

Dee: “So when you met Virgil you immediately treated them differently and like a child. Like they weren’t capable of being on their own. That is something that tends to piss Virgil off.”

 Remy: “I mean… I was just trying to be nice? I didn’t know if they could understand me.”

Dee: “Yeah see, but that assumption is part of the problem. Virgil is nonverbal sometimes, meaning they can’t always talk and usually won’t look at people when they talk to them and it might not appear to you that they’re listening, but they do understand. And you automatically assuming they don’t because they act differently? Because they communicate differently? That’s ableist. I’m autistic too, but you didn’t talk to me like that, right?”

Remy: “Yeah? But I guess it’s different.”

Dee: “Why?”

Remy: “… I think it’s ableist so I better not say it.”

Dee: “I mean it’s good that you recognize that. That’s a good first step. But from here you need to change your mindset. I’ll try to talk more openly about being autistic around you but only you because currently out of our friend group You’re the only one who I’m comfortable with knowing I’m autistic.”

Remy: “Yeah, I’m happy you feel comfortable with letting me know and not booting me for being an asshole even though I had no idea I was being an asshole”

Dee laughs, and Remy finally offers his regular smile

Remy: “And I think I get it now. I can work on that. And- I’m not trying to say this as an excuse at all- just, I was never taught this y’know? I mean it doesn’t make it okay and I’m going to try. I just… didn’t know.”

Dee: “Yeah I know. It’s uh- I mean autism has this image. A lot of disabilities do. And your actions obviously aren’t okay, but you’re listening and that’s a lot more than most. I still want to be your friend. But I need you to do this.”

Remy: “Got it.”

Dee: “Oh and uh, you should probably apologize to Virgil.”

Remy: “… Okay I swear I’m not trying to be ableist so call me out if I mess this up,,, but how do I do that? How do I talk to Virgil? I mean- I get that they understand me. But- they use the tablet? Do I just talk? Do I need to do anything else?”

Dee: “No. Just talk to them. They might not look at you- probably won’t actually. But they’re listening. Probably at least. Okay, they might ignore you on purpose because you were an asshole but not because they don’t understand you.”

Dee: “Oh and actually- I mean. We do understand people. But some things autistic people do struggle with. So just,,, listen to us. Don’t assume. Listen. That’s the thing. If Virgil for some reason didn’t understand you, they would let you know. Don’t just assume they can’t understand you right away.”

Remy: “Okay. I can… I can do that. Should I apologize now?”

Dee shrugs, “Why not?”

[ashdoestheartthing]

jinkies gang, it's an introduction post !!!

hey everyone !!! i'm gonna do a bit of an intro post to this account, cause mainly i'm gonna be posting whatever and i think it needs a little coherence probably!!!

about me

i'm currently in highschool, studying math psychology and english a-levels (brit school thing) !!! i hate it here!

i'm 17, still figuring stuff out, and i go by they/them pronouns but also she/her !!! gender is wack, y'all.

i'm a gemini sun, aquarius moon, ENFP-T, type 7 enneagram, gryffinpuff, chaotic good... and i just really think personality quizzes and stuff are neat.

i'm desi, based in the middle east !!!

i say i'm gay a lot for someone who's bi (pan?? i dunno man) and almost exclusively likes fictional characters that fit the leo valdez™ trope.

i'm 5'8" , which is not relevant information at all but i'm really proud of that fact given desi people are short as heck, so you have to know too.

i'm missing that serotonin juice boyz,,,, hit me up w some of that dopamine,,,, pleas,,,,

i like playing videogames, roleplaying, doing both of those with my friends, my friends in general, my very neat girlfriend and also dogs are pretty funky!!!!! also the color red!!!!!

what i'll be posting about

mainly oc stuff and art challenges honestly !!! i'm in love with all 32 of my ocs and would honestly die for them.

i'm also likely to post art from whatever my current hyperfixation is,,, which changes,,,, a lot.

some constant fandoms i'm likely to post will be pjo/hoo, she-ra, dnd, bojack horseman, butterfly soup... etc.

what mediums i'll be using

tradigital artist babeyyyy!!!!

i honestly like doing traditional art more, more specifically pen lineart and pencil sketches, but digital art looks prettier on post usually so that'll be there too.

i'm not great using layers in digital art so pardon me.

why make a blog?

mainly. because instagram's shadowban fricked me over for absolutely no reason. my instagram is the exact same url as my tumblr, but now i'm here as well cause frick instagram rights man!!!!!! why am i making an art blog in general? man i freaking love art, and heck, even though i kinda wanna do something psych related in the future, i love love love making and creating art and fictional universes and i wanna make sure i keep drawing, even as a side job. this is kinda my headstart at that.

main goals for this blog?

i'd... really really like to hit 1k honestly. i got up to 900 ish on my Instagram but that's deadweight now and i've just always wanted a tiny following man 👉👈 i feel like that'd motivate me to draw instead of lie around all day

i also want to finally get started on my webcomic that has not done much for the past year!!!!

draw and post something at leassst weekly come on brain you can do this.

participate in art challenges man!!!!!

That's all, folks

[luckycheesefoodie321]

Prince of Tennis (2019) meme

I was tagged by @hardworkingprocrastinator aka @rupru-russiaxprussia whom I do believe I ranted with about the Imperial Pair ship, and the unexpected potential of Si Yang x Qi Ying… so thanking you kindly for another excuse to rave about ChinaPuri… sooo uhhh time for some fun times!!

Tagging: I have 0 idea who to tag because we a smaller fandom

Warning: I have not watched or read the original manga/anime soooooo I’m in an even smaller subset of the fandom babeyyyy!!! It has also been a couple months since I watched the show, so there is a strong chance I’ll have forgotten names and situations, and just general thoughts I have... BUT WHATEVER time to rant to the thirteen people who’ve watched ChinaPuri!!!

Questions:

1. Favorite character(s)? 2. Favorite school team(s)? 3. Favorite coach(es)? 4. Favorite supporting cast member(s)? (characters who aren’t regulars, aren’t on tennis teams etc.) 5. Favorite original character(s) in the adaptation? 6. Who do you think enacted their role best? 7. Favorite singles match? 8. Favorite doubles match? 9. Favorite story arc? 10. Most amusing tenipuri scene(s)/moment(s)/running joke(s)? 11. What did you like most about the adaptation? 12. What do you think the adaptation could have improved on? 13. Any other thoughts you want to share?

Answers: THIS ISH GETS LONGGGGG SO CUT OFF NOW

1. Favorite character(s)?

MU SI YANG BABEYYYYY!!! I already love a stoic glasses boi, but Mu Si Yang (again not TeniPuri Tezuka, just ChinaPuri Si Yang) may be one of my favourite takes on the stoic glasses boi… like I don’t often enjoy live action versions of anime, especially because the acting is never the best (and granted this one too, had some okay performances) but the guy who plays Mu Si Yang melted my heart… he was the stony-faced serious captain, who could deliver a subtle joke that left you snickering… but he was also the determined, earnest, crazy talented leader with his own hidden struggles who just wanted to take his team and friends as far as they go into competition… which is an essential part of any good sports drama… and he captured it so perfectly… and I love him.. he’s so beautiful too… I would fall in love with him in a heartbeat, and I don’t often say that about characters (like I love them but never in love ya dig?)

Zhou Zhi was a close favourite…basically I just love the two genius senpais…

2. Favorite school team(s)?

Oh god… Yu Feng maybe? We spend the most time with them, they have the most screen time of all the other teams…we have a whole training arc where they’re continuously winning against the struggling to evolve Yu Qing…very reminiscent of the Karasuno-Nekoma rivalry in that they help each other get better… I would’ve loved to see the rivalry/camaraderie develop even more so that when Si Yang leaves, the relief at having this network of tennis friends would’ve been that much more powerful…

Also I really enjoy Xu Ziping’s hustle… I love the story of Yu Feng…they had a shitty coach and had to make a deal to keep winning in order to even remain an official team… and when Yu Qing faced Yu Feng, I really couldn’t tell who I wanted to root for because I knew there was real weight behind every loss for Yu Feng…

After that, maybe No. 6… they’re so chill, they’re not straining for each win and just enjoying their time on the court…and the Old Coach dude was a great character to introduce...

3. Favorite coach(es)?

Maybe No. 6’s coach… I legit can’t remember his name but he oozes skill and experience without all the stress of younger coaches who bend over backwards for success… and while, again, the circumstances surrounding his appearance was a bit waffle-y in execution (which is about par for live action adaptations), I love that he serves as a sage outsider who can assess in three seconds what kind of player Lu Xia is, and what he needs to do to improve… I love me a good wise character who still knows how to inspire people in a fun way but you never, for a second, doubt that what they’re saying is legit advice, even if their mannerisms are goofy…

4. Favorite supporting cast member(s)? (characters who aren’t regulars, aren’t on tennis teams etc.)

Oh I mean…Stretcher Bros for life amirite? They were great…they were just hanging out, trying out.. Huang Jing is kinda jerk-ish, but he’s the starting antagonist who turns out to have a pure heart and a genuine love of the sport (kinda like Tsukishima Kei from Haikyuu!! or the GoMs from Kuroko no Basuke)… and Xiu Wen is such a soft boi who wants to shower in peace without girls being in the locker room…

Put these two besties together forever…and I just love how cuddly they are with each other…no hesitation to hold hands or hug…it’s gooood

5. Favorite original character(s) in the adaptation?

Um…idk who’s an original character??? Again never watched the original anime/read the manga!

SO IMMA CHANGE THIS TO FAVOURITE SHIP!

5.5. Favourite ship? (Get ready my friendsss issa long one)

Si Yang x Qi Ying my friendssss… a super unexpected pairing that came outta nowhere!!! Because the trailer clearly shows (or maybe it doesn’t and I forgot) that Lu Xia and Qi Ying are gonna be THE THING but then we get hit with the surprise senpai-kouhai/team manager ship and I’m like uhhh were you planning this or am I reading into it too much???

Like y’all they were flirting right in the beginning… that whole bit where she stands outside the change rooms and Si Yang confronts her, and she begs him to add Lu Xia to the team (even tho he already did) and he was weirdly teasing her about the roster when he had no reason to, and she was kinda bantering back with him and she fully called him out later on… i was like, umm this is a vibe

They just kept getting thrown together in weird ways…aside from Lu Xia, she’s probably had the most interactions with Si Yang of all the other team members… she’s the only one he calls Xiao~ like the boys in the tennis club have their nicknames like Dachi, Ah Mu, Ah Yan, but only Qi Ying is Xiao Ying!!  he’s not a nickname guy… and maybe if it were a girl/cheerleader thing, you’d think he’d call Peng Xiang, Xiao Xiang BUT NO… only Qi Ying gets called Xiao Ying!!!

AND ANOTHER THING: other than Lu Xia, he’s the only one concerned for Qi Yang, despite what he says, when she gets caught in the rain and gets sick… he fully visits her in her room, and receives the call about her health after they send her to the hospital… he says everyones worried BUT YO they’re straight up just bored and end up having a pillow fight…sooooo can’t be that worried…

AND ONE MORE THING: Qi Ying, I get she’s this weird mascot/team manager figure on their team (even tho she’s meant to be a cheerleader but they never invite Peng Xiang to any of their team dinners or their training camp) BUT WHEN SI YANG RETURNS HOME, THEY SEND IN QI YING TO GREET HIM and they have this whole charming convo where she teases him...and they were chatting as if they always had this banter going on but they’d only talked like 3 or 4 times on screen before then, so there’s this whole relationship she has with the tennis team (not just Lu Xia) that is implied but we don’t really see it! And when she teasingly calls him Captain Si Yang after he returns to China, he had the softest smileeee!!! HE TOTALLY DOES HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR HER!! He didn’t want her to think he wasn’t happy to see her... and then she leads him to their surprise party in the club room and he just keeps saying Xiao Ying…  like damn you keep trying to establish the Lu Xia x Qi Ying ship (and it is a decently strong ship) but Si Yang x Qi Ying is soooo good!

After this Rival Pair, and then Golden Pair - our resident married couple

(POST Here: all the gay faves they didn’t even try to hide)

(POST Here: almost confirmed ships by the end)

6. Who do you think enacted their role best?

I…I think this is obvious… NEXT

Jk… other than Si Yang, I really enjoyed the guy who plays Lu Xia - Peng Yu Chang… he played the typical “stoic, super talented/genius sports idiot” type prolific in sports anime (like Furuya from Daiya no A, Kageyama from Haikyuu!!, Midorima from KnB)… but he was never too stuck in his head, and he was never mean… too often there’ll be a moment where this type of character is played too seriously, gets stuck in their own head, and lashes out at anyone they deem getting in their way, especially when they feel they’re stuck in a rut… which Lu Xia is in, for essentially the entirety of the show, in one form or another…

But PYC played Lu Xia as this mildly cocky, but still incredibly enthusiastic young genius who is looking for the next big challenge so as to further himself, but is so obsessed with this one opponent (his dad), that he can’t see the bigger picture and realise his entire way of playing is a mirror of the very opponent he’s trying to overcome… but even at the height of his stagnation, he’s never mean to Qi Ying, who tries her best to support and encourage him… while he does distance himself from the team, it’s not an active dismissal of their assistance or support… he can play a straight faced comic when embarrassed/discombobulated (like Si Yang when faced with Yan Juice), but also always participates in most of the weird antics his team is up to… and it never feels OOC and thats clearly a result of Peng Yu Chang’s subtle acting…

ALSO PENG YU CHANG IS IN OUR SHINING DAYS, A SUPER UNDERRATED CHINESE FILM THAT HAS SO MUCH POTENTIAL TO BE ADAPTED INTO LIKE, A ONE SEASON SHOW AND I HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU WATCH IT

7. Favorite singles match?

Oh pfft… please… PLEASE IS THERE EVEN A QUESTION it was arguably the best match of the whole show, it was what we were all waiting for, a super tension filled, super hyped up match because it features my favourite character, who has simultaneously been promoted as THE BEST PLAYER ON THE TEAM but also super injured and avoiding over-exertion… MU SI YANG…against his personal rival, whom had never tasted defeat before, and subsequently trained like crazy, throwing all of the money at professional players, FOR A YEAR, in order to be ready to face him… JI JING WU

That’s right baby, its the Imperial Pair Match (I do hope I’m using all these nicknames correctly..I just tried to pick them up from the anime/manga to save time writing out their names XD)…

This match is everything you ever want in a match…it’s a gritty, no-holds-barred, all-out, clash-of-titans-style face-off between probably the two most talented players in that whole (province? Prefecture? Idk China regional names) BUT YEAH THESE TWO ARE CLEARLY TOP TIER PLAYERS WHO FINALLY GO HEAD TO HEAD… it’s a year in the making, Ji Jing Wu is in peak physical condition, but Si Yang is not…and yet we see Si Yang powering through the literal agony of an arm injury that threatens complete destruction of not only his tennis career, but his general usage of that arm… and for glory and to bring his team to the national stage, Si Yang lays it all on the line… and he still gives Ji Jing Wu a run for his goddamn money… he matches him hit for hit, and at one point he was even WINNING…and had it not been for his arm, I swear up and down that he would’ve beaten Jingwu…

BUT THAT’S NOT EVEN THE BEST PART… i mean, all sports anime and just shounen anime in general have those moments where the characters are down and out and summoning the power of friendship and determination to their side to go above and beyond the physical limitations of their bodies… NO THE ACTUAL BEST PART WAS JI JINGWU’S RESPONSE TO THE WHOLE SITUATION

The goddamn respect he gave Si Yang.. this is his rival, the only person he’s ever viewed as equal and even superior to his own skills (at least as far as people the same age as him go)… Jingwu wants to beat him so bad… and he’s heard the rumours about Si Yang’s injury, and he even sees for himself how bad the injury is… but as a skilled player who recognises skill himself, he does not do Si Yang the disrespect of going easy on him… what kind of arrogant prick has that kind of nerve to give less than their best to someone who is giving them 120% effort… no, Ji Jingwu doesn’t hesitate to hit back full power, even as he’s yelling at Si Yang to stop before his arm is utterly destroyed… because the last thing any person of talent would want, is to see another person lose such an incredible gift… but even worse than that, have that person realise someone was going easy on them... it was so goddamn beautiful… and when Jingwu grips Si Yang’s hand and raises it high because he and everyone there knows who the real winner of that match is…they all know that they just witnessed something incredible, and he wants everyone in the stands to not only acknowledge it… but remember it…

And then he proceeds to fund Si Yang’s surgery, his flight, his meals, his rehabilitation, AS WELL AS take care of his team… and if that isn’t love, idk what is… like they don’t even disguise the hard core DEDICATION AND LOVE... Jingwu has obsessed over Si Yang for a year and it goddamn shows

Honourable Mention: I really enjoyed Zhou Zi versus the demon child whose eyes go red…we finally get to see Zhou Zi stretch his legs and push himself and I LOVED THAT… like he’s actually trying his best and that’s dope… also the match against the captain of the team his little brother his on… he basically led this cocky motherfucker by the nose for 5 games, pretends to be losing, and then destroys him in the following 7…

OH AND I GOTTA SHOUT OUT MY OTHER GLASSES BOI YAN ZHIMING VERSUS HIS BEST GUY FRIEND FROM YOUTH… that was a beautiful evolution of Ah Yan transcending but also evolving his data tennis against his childhood friend and it feels good ya know?

8. Favorite doubles match?

Oh pfft anything with the Rival Pair… they bicker like cat and dog, but then you put them on the court together, and suddenly their chemistry is through the roof… also Baiyang and Qiao Chen are a stronger couple than Qiao Chen and Yu Xing Zi and that’s the damn tea

(Same two posts for why that tea)

9. Favorite story arc?

Oh man… ummm training arc with Yu Feng was fun but it was definitely beaten out by the “village raises a child” arc when Si Yang leaves, so literally all their previous opponents step up to encourage, train, or otherwise intimidate Yu Qing into giving it their all, improving, and ultimately winning the finals… plus this arc gave so much depth to the network of teams who all have the same aspirations, in the end, and want to push forward the people who beat them to not let their loss be in vain…and that’s pure…

10. Most amusing tenipuri scene(s)/moment(s)/running joke(s)?

Yan Juice... especially the first time NEXT

Honourable Mentions: When Lu Xia gets stood up by Xinglong Lu Xia running interference on Qi Ying’s admirer in the final ep When Zhou Bros run into Lu Xia in the dressing rooms Stretcher Bros trying to become Painter Bros

11. What did you like most about the adaptation?

It captured the essence of a good sports anime: power of friendship, ridiculous action sequences of outrageous moves that would never be allowed in real life, determination and guts is all you need to succeed, that all-or-nothing mentality of high schoolers who suddenly have tunnel vision and no future thinking whatsoever, and decide to risk life and limb for one match… plus it kept a charming and comedic beat running throughout, really endeared you to the characters, and their struggles... AND NO ONE WAS MEAN... well I mean Ya Jiuxin was an angry bitter jerk for a hot second, but he ended up being endeared towards the lil fluffball kouhai of his, and we all know he loves Xinglong in his heart of hearts... other characters like Jingwu, or demon child, or Zhou Yu’s captain were cocky or arrogant, but they were never mean to each other, and respected each other’s game play even if they were defeated.. a couple were poor losers, but they didn’t throw a fit or try to get revenge or anything like that... everyone, in general, had some decency to them, and in fact all of Yu Qing was a super nice...sometimes too nice and self-deprecating that you wanted to smack them...

12. What do you think the adaptation could have improved on?

This is mostly just a consequence of live action adaptations of sports anime where they have to condense a whole lot of story that is already condensed from the manga into a palatable show that anyone, not necessarily pre-existing fans of the original source, can enjoy… the story around the characters seemed waffle-y and disjointed… sometimes things would happen but wouldn’t connect smoothly to the next thing that happens… there was this whole implied close relationship between Qi Ying and the team that just was never shown… I would’ve preferred they made her an official manager, so it would make sense that she’d be so close to the team, when for whatever reason, Peng Xiang wasn’t…even tho they’re both cheer captains…

The match sequences were cut down a little too much (tho I get why)… I would have loved that final training arc to be extended, to fully flesh out how discombobulated Yu Qing was when Si Yang had to leave, and how forcefully the other teams picked them up and got them better… so to develop the dynamic between the teams before this would’ve been good, but obviously they can only got the core actors of each team at a time… hence that barbecue scene… but if they’d pulled off something like the Haikyuu!! Tokyo training arc, or even something like in KnB where the teams were thrown together in wacky hijinks or impromptu match situations to develop their camaraderie (and they sorta tried to but nothing really came of the interactions), it would’ve made the final training arc THAT MUCH MORE heartwarming and I would have cried..

13. Any other thoughts you want to share?

I’ve already said enough. The end.

[fairycosmos]

urgent!!! I FEEL SO LONELY MY CHEST HURTS AND IM CRYING. I CANT EVEN TELL ANYBODY EVEN THE CLOSEST PERSON TO ME BC I DONT WANT TO INFECT THEM WITH SADNESS BC I WANT TO THE BE KIND OF PERSON WHO RADIATES HAPPINESS BUT IM JUST NOT IM ALWAYS SAD AND I AM JUST NOT THAT KIND. I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY AND CONTENTED WITH WHO AND WHAT I HAVE BUT IM JUST NOT. I LITERALLY FEEL LIKE IM NOTHING, I FEEL SO WORTHLESS AND THAT I DONT DESERVE TO BE LOVED AND IM SO HUNGRY FOR LOVE

hey babeyyyy. i'm so sorry to hear that you're dealing with this rn and like i can't tell you how much i relate but still i,,,, can't imagine the extent of your specific type of pain god :(( i got your other message and yeah PLEASE let's just fucking drink wine together and scream at the universe for being so unforgiving and unfair. :(( it sucks because i know there's nothing i can say to change your core beliefs but i am eternally proud of you for getting through these episodes and for managing to get by on a day to day basis. it's not easy and you deserve all the credit in the universe, dude. listen not to be dramatic but self hatred is literally a position that morphs every situation into something it's not. i know all the bad things you think about yourself seem like 100% fact, like there's no room for argument or alternative thought, but that truly is the trick of the sadness. i am telling you straight up from a perspective that is not biased by your own negative emotions: you are not unlovable. just because you're alone right now doesn't mean you always will be, and it is not a measurement of your worth as a person. it is totally okay to lose it and to cry and to feel overwhelmed at times, but it is not okay to hurt yourself (in any way) because of it. there is a line and you WILL learn to walk it if you give yourself the chance and the tools to do so. i promise that these concepts DO apply to you and you are not an exception to happiness and positive improvement just because you're current perspective is clouded by how hurt you are. you don't have to believe me at the moment, but please allow it to be something you consider when you're in a calmer frame of mind. that alone is good enough. those small choices do matter.

i totally get what you mean when you say it feels like you're infecting others with your sadness. sometimes i feel like my very presence does that. and you're allowed to feel that way, but you must try to simultaneously recognise that emotional vulnerability usually only strengthens the relationship you have with those around you. it's a way to let love in, the love you're looking for. maybe it's not romantic love but that's just one faucet of tenderness. yeah it's embarrassing but you must examine why you feel guilty over simply having a spectrum of human emotion. and you'd do the same for those you care about, right? leaning on each other is a good thing, it is so so necessary. the give and take is what makes things work. i'm not saying you have to go spilling your secrets to everyone. i'm saying it's ok to admit that you're struggling, as you have to me. even if you have to fucking force the words out. give those around you the opportunity to be a true friend to you. this seems like a very deeply rooted issue and, to be honest, if you haven't done so already i would also ask you to consider maybe talking to a professional about it if you can. i know your brains immediate response will be to shut the idea down, but you gotta see that that's just another tactic that will perpetuate the painful cycle. it can be your doctor, a counselor, even a mental health hotline it you don't know where to start. it may be that you need to reevaulte your self perception and face up to why you feel so scared and upset. a professional will be able to offer you specialized advice, show you how to cope in a healthier way when these emotions do arise, and show you how to question the anxieties so you see how illogical they are. seriously, if this is impacting your happiness and overall well being then there is nothing wrong with needing a more intensive form of support. i can't stress enough that your mental health is just as important and complex as your physical health and you do not have to try and confront it all on your own. sometimes medical assistance is needed, and that is fine. that's just reality. i get that it probably doesn't feel like a viable and realistic option for you at the moment. but please just let the idea linger. it's completely normal to be afraid, to not want to do it. but breaking these patterns starts with choosing to do something different, something for the better. no matter how much your brain rejects it.

that's just a thought though. no pressure, no commitment yet. for now, all you have to do is take a breath. give yourself a moment. allow your mind to go blank for a few seconds. you're here and you're going to be alright. i genuinely believe this is a stepping stone in your life and not a trap or a permanent destination. all of the things you desperately long for are nestled in the future. maybe not where you expect them to be, but there nonetheless. life really does only make sense backwards, and you must give yourself the time to live out the solutions to your problems, angel. it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking your circumstances dictate your significance but they don't. others truly don't see you the way you see yourself and someday someone is going to prove that to you. you'll be hugged, you'll be cherished. and the lack of something in your life is NOT an indicator that you don't deserve it. you do, you always will. it is so normal/human to crave companionship and a true connection, but that want does not determine your whole life. again, i know you don't believe me at the minute. but have a little trust in your older self. no matter how dramatically awful it all seems to you right now, there is a balance. and you will adapt to it, especially if you attempt to. i really hope you're okay and that you try your hardest to accept the rationality instead of the self loathing. you may not be able to every time but just giving it a go will make a difference. i'm sending so much love to you and i am really always here if you need a friend or someone to talk to, ok? hmu anytime.

[terrainofheartfelt]

2, 11, 18, 20!

2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

With the holidays over, I’m looking forward to really sinking my teeth into the p & p au. I didn’t mean to write it — you know S, it started as a joke, and then I was like. Oops I’m really writing it now. But it poofed into my head around the time I wanted to work on the Miloverse, so I wrote a big hunk of it, then put it on ice. But with the Miloverse (mostly) done, I want to make time to work on the P & P now. I’ve given you lots of deets in the dms but for the folks at home: Bennets = van der Humphreys. Dan as Lizzie, the unreliable narrator. Vanessa Abrams bring her own fabulous twist to Charlotte Lucas. Nate is Bingley—Serenate is Jing. Blair is Darcy, rich pretentious snob who has to undergo some character development. I don’t want to give too much away, but I am really happy with the way the Jenny (Lydia) subplot pans out, it was the last big hunk of story I wrote before shelving it in the autumn. It’s not quite an au of The Lizzie Bennet Diaries, bc Dan as a character I don’t think is the type to vlog like that lmao, but LBD as a blueprint of the modern au inspired a lot of ideas. There’s also going to be appearances of characters I haven’t really written before, like Ivy Dickens and Aaron Rose, which is fun! (But I’m not gonna give away their parallels 😉)

There’s a couple little things I want to get up on ao3 and here over the long weekend, and then it is Austen time babeyyyy

11. What do you envy in other writers?

Thinking in terms of our corner of the gg clubhouse…it’s the trust for the reader that’s there, if that makes sense? The last time I wrote fiction was in junior high, so I learned how to be an academic, research writer (especially in grad school), so I have this compulsion from that experience to want to explain everything, which isn’t necessarily what you want to do in fiction. so when I read fic that leaves space to breathe, for the reader to take up space, I’m like “wait, do I do that? I have to give everything a context, I don’t think I do that?”

18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations?) Tell us about them.

Until like, the last drafts of it, in “sweet, wonderful you” & “as long as there are stars” I almost mentioned something about Louis cheating. Like, I think it’s no secret on this blog that I hate that guy, and we only have Estee for an episode and a half, but in this universe where Blair and Louis have a legit marriage, him having an affair with Estee didn’t seem that far-fetched. But it was one of those things that if I slipped it in I would have to address it and give it some sort of closure (Chekov’s gun and all that), and I didn’t really want to, because I thought it would detract too much from what was already going on, and make it seem like Blair ended her marriage over an affair. Not that that wouldn’t be a good enough reason, but I wanted the core of it to be that she just wasn’t happy, that she felt disconnected from herself and her friends. That her leaving Louis and the monarchy had to do with her, and not some side character that only barely matters. That, and like, homegirl had been through enough, it would have just been a hat on a hat.

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

This is so open ended I love it so I am gonna tell you TWO things

The first is the bit in “as long as there are stars” when Dan says that while they were drunk, he and Vanessa made a deal that they would get married if they were both still single when they were 40 (while I ruthlessly and repentlessly ripped the gag from himym) it comes from an outline of a prequel to “somewhere you feel free” that has a little bit written to it: it’s a remix of Cece’s Irish wake, and Dan finding out he’s one of Cece’s named beneficiaries. But really, it’s a peek in how Dan is feeling as a single parent to a toddler—the custody battle is done, and he’s still adjusting to his role as a father being legally reinforced, and how he feels kind of—separated from his friends, because they’re just people in their 20s figuring shit out, and he has a baby, and he’s kind of given up on being anything but a parent, and how money from Cece changes that for him.

Okay the other thing I’ve been itching to talk about is the recurring theme of home in—well it shows up everywhere in my writing but specifically in my Date AU series “And you can have this heart to break.” All of it is a remix of s4 (where everyone is 100% gayer), but the central part of it is Nate and Dan as an established couple. Which is interesting for many reasons, but it throws everything Juliet tries to do to Serena into a new angle. (I have worked out how I want it to go down, I just gotta get the spoons to write it out) Because she’s ultimately successful in isolating Serena because Serena’s circle themselves feel so isolated. But what if Dan & Nate & co. are actually mostly fine? Or at the very least, are able to all lean on each other. So the home thing was a major part of that, especially for Nate, who spends two-thirds of the show squatting in his friend’s spare room of a hotel penthouse, never really get to make his own home, which I think is Stupid. So the fic opens with Nate giving chip the finger (which I love bc I’m petty), and effectively moving in with Dan. Also on the petty front, with the source material tossing its characters asunder in tumultuous relationships, I wanted to demonstrate with this fic that no matter what bullshit is going on around them (Jenny’s Parsons drama, Serena’s gf drama, Blair’s gf drama, the Juliet of it all), Nate and Dan were going to be and stay rock solid. So in each “episode” work in the series, I’ve been very intentional that they all begin and end with them coming home to each other. I think I have the x-files fandom (aka Nads) to thank for introducing me to the concept of The Touchstone, because that is what they are to each other in this series. The port in the storm, as it were. That, and I just love domestic fluff. :)

Fun meta asks for writers