#(if not actively trying to attack him that is)

[paladinfigueroth]

listen i know that in this exact episode that brennan lee mulligan explicitly says that gilear is not cursed so i know this wasn't planned but in Havoc at the Hotel Cavalier (SY 3), the demons sensed something about Giear that made them attack him instead of Fabian. The demons are working to bring back the Nightmare King, not Cassandra. And Gilear is a direct descendant of Athenriel/Bakur who was actively trying to bring Ankarna back sometime in the past decade or two. So what I'm saying is that they saw him and sensed his connection to Bakur and went "this loser might mention the Nightmare King's hot lesbian wife and ruin everything"

[restingdomface]

Sect Leader Yao: *loudly ranting about WWX being evil and how he shouldn’t have ‘been invited’ as if the man hadn’t been forcefully summoned like a demon of some sort*

Nie Mingjue: …Sect Leader Yao?

SLYao: -what?

Nie Mingjue: *pointing down* Your robes are on fire.

SLYao: *runs out of the hall screaming when he can’t get it put out*

Other leaders: *trying to figure out if WWX was the one that set him on fire*

Wei Wuxian: *sitting behind a shielding array, both stuck and not wanting to tempt someone to attack him, actively hiding a confused A-Yaun behind his skirts* :)

A-Yaun: ??:)??

Jiang Yanli: *eagerly showing him Jin Ling and probably thinks WWX and JC managed this so WWX could be at his 100 day celebration, isn’t gonna ask where they can get in trouble*

Jiang Cheng: *thinking exactly the same thing but about Yanli and WWX, showing off his nice new hair pin Yanli got him*

Jin Zixuan: *just happy this is less horrible than he expected*

Lan Wangji: *giving WWX blinks of affection and love*

Wei Wuxian: :)

Nie Mingjue: …but who set Sect Leader Yao on fire?

Lan Xichen: I don’t know, but it’s so much more peaceful now :)

Meng Yao: *appears at NMJ’s elbow, holding hands with NHS and looking pleased* I found that array in Jin Guangshan’s office :) it’ll wear off in about five hours. They’ll be so excited when they realize they can pass him random objects through the shield :)

Nie Huaisang: I set Sect Leader Yao’s robes on fire :)

Nie Mingjue: Ohhh you two are just so cute, I am giving you both presents when we get home.

NHS & MY: :D

[starry-eyes-love]

Calm Me Down

Main Masterlist Joel Miller Masterlist

The next chapter in the Marriage Dynamics series

Pairing | Husband Joel Miller x Wife F!Reader- AU, No Outbreak

Summary | You wake up having a panic attack, and Joel calms you down. This results in the two of you talking, calming each other’s fears, and finally working through your problems. You feel movement in your pregnancy for the first time while Joel silently talks to his unborn child, asking for a gift that he doesn’t know yet but will receive.

Work Count: 5.5K

Warnings | Series is 18+, Minor DNI

Age difference (implied), language, descriptions of anxiety/panic attack, flashbacks, marriage dynamics (these two finally communicate), hurt and comfort, tenderness and love, mentions of pregnancy, you feel baby movement for the first time, mild reference to past cheating (your father and Joel's ex-wife, not from Joel or you), mild references in the past to physical abuse by your father, references to berating your father did to you in the past.

A/N: Sorry for taking so long on this next part, but here you are. As a reminder, I no longer do tag lists. Make sure to turn on notifications for when I post new written pieces.

“Baby, look at me,” Joel said sternly, turning you around to face him. He immediately searched your eyes to get you to look at him. Joel reached out instinctively and placed a steady hand on your belly, slowly rubbing it and feeling the soft swell of your stomach that was holding and caring for his child. He was trying to help ground you and reassure you that you were okay and that your baby would be alright, too.

These moments come out of nowhere: the sheer panic, the sweaty palms, the narrowing vision. You don't know why, but suddenly, it feels like the whole world is crashing down around you, like you are falling fast off of a cliff, unable to save yourself from sudden death. Your heart races, and you're stuck believing the lies in your head. The lies that you know are not true.

“I'm not good enough. I can't do this. I'll never be more than what I am now: a failure. My husband doesn't love me.”

This feeling inside seizes you, holds you tight, and doesn't allow you to take a proper breath. And that's ok, you think. You don't need to breathe, not yet. But the feeling doesn't stop, and your body eventually screams for another breath. The thing is, though, you can't get any air in, so you panic once again. The cycle never ends. It keeps repeating until you're drowning in your sweat and anxiety. You're having a goddamn panic attack, one that you haven't had in many years. To say you're embarrassed doesn't even come close to describing your emotions. The word you require fails to come to you, so you settle for fear, embarrassment, and loneliness.

You've been way too stressed your entire pregnancy. You're a week shy of being 20 weeks along with your third baby and your fourth pregnancy.

Yeah, we won't talk about that pregnancy. The daughter that you lost at 22 weeks pregnant. To this day, you still don't like thinking about it.

Even though this is a different pregnancy, things seem to haven't gone how you wanted. You finally did tell Joel that you were pregnant at your doctor's appointment when you started spotting blood. You were scared of admitting pregnancy to him, especially when you two had barely talked since Halloween. You didn't know why; you just weren't getting along. It's funny how life does that sometimes, isn't it?

Even though your 20th-week ultrasound was just a few days away, you felt embarrassed that nothing seemed to go as planned this time. You hadn't told Joel you were pregnant technically until you were having bleeding problems. You weren't sexually active with your husband. There was no celebration of being pregnant, just awkward silence, mostly of which came from you. Joel attempted to speak with you, but you'd always clam up and not talk. If you were being honest, it wasn't until late at night on Christmas Eve that Joel and you started to talk and get along again. 

Now, you lay awake in bed, your mind racing, running wild with panic at all the scenarios that weren't even happening. But it felt like they were happening now, and you were scared. You were drowning in panic, unable to slow your mind down, wishing for anything to stop it. 

I'm not good enough. My husband doesn’t want this and doesn't want to be with me. I'm such a horrible wife for not telling him.

Your thoughts wouldn't stop. Your mind kept racing, and you felt like you were drowning. The walls were once again closing in around you, sucking you underneath the surface. You desperately needed a lifeline to grab onto, something to save you from yourself. That's when you felt your husband reach out to you and pull you tight against his chest. He wrapped his arms around you, securing you to him while gently whispering, “Baby, come on now, breathe.”

Earlier in the night, Joel had decided not to sleep with his shirt on, something he hadn’t done in a long time. After his shower, he noticed the way you were looking at him. Eyes wide, lips slightly parted, you looked at him like you desperately needed something primal from him.

“What's that look for, baby?” He said, glancing over at you and raising just his eyebrow. He was taunting you, wanting you to voice all those dirty little things that he knew you were thinking. He could tell by the look on your face, the way you were breathing, and how you were slowly squeezing your thighs together that you were turned on and sexually aroused. Joel may not be able to give you penetrative sex yet, but dammit, he could eat his wife's pussy if she wanted it. And Joel secretly hoped that you wished to do that tonight.

“I-uh, I-'' you said, stuttering and stammering at the words. You couldn't voice it or say it out loud for some reason. You were never afraid of dirty talk in the bedroom. But considering it has been almost 20 weeks, nearly five months since the two of you have done anything sexual, you were a bit nervous. 

“Why don't you finish getting ready for bed, baby, then come over here, and I'll get ya all nice and relaxed for bed.”

“What did you have in mind?” You asked, hoping Joel would voice it for you.

“Oh, darlin’, you know what I have in mind,” he said, slowly sticking his tongue out and moving it up and down like he does when he licks at you fast when he goes down on you.

You quickly nodded your head and then ran into the bathroom. You needed a shower and desperately needed a shave. You spent the next 20 minutes making yourself feel more sexy and presentable. But when you entered the bedroom, you noticed all your work was in vain. Joel was lying down and loudly snoring already. Immediately, your heart sank at seeing him fast asleep.

Joel intended to give you, his wife, some much-needed affection and attention. But he underestimated how tired he was. When his head hit the pillow, he was out like a light and asleep within seconds. You, however, had laid there with your eyes open, overthinking stuff once again.

You loved being pregnant, but you hated the first part of pregnancy, where the anxiety was horrible. Your doctor said because your hormones change so much in the first stages of pregnancy, anxiety is common among women. And boy, did you ever have anxiety, especially this time around with being pregnant in your late 30s. 

Even though your hormones were already leveling out, you were still nervous about knowing if your baby was growing healthy inside of you. You knew that after your 20-week ultrasound appointment, you would calm down. But you just had to get there first. You were nervous about losing this pregnancy. You remember the pregnancy you had lost; that 20th-week ultrasound showed significant problems. If everything would show that you were ok, just like the two other pregnancies did with your boys, you knew you'd calm down. You kept telling yourself that everything would be ok. But that crippling anxiety kept sneaking up at you at the worst times and holding you tight, like tonight.

The longer the night continued, the more you wanted to reach out and have your husband hold you tight to help calm your fears. But he looked so peaceful lying there sleeping; you didn't want to wake him. You both were getting along again, and there was no more fighting between you. So you didn't know where this anxiousness was coming from tonight. Your body felt off, and you didn't know why.  You had tried to fall asleep, struggling with your mind to get any rest. At one point, you had dozed off a little bit, but you quickly woke up in a panic, sweating profusely. You were smack dab in the middle of yet another bad panic attack. You haven't had one of these episodes of panic for many years. Usually, stress or something larger would trigger them, but nothing unusual has happened recently. So you lay there silently, trying to will all of these bad feelings that you were having away. But no matter what you did, you could still feel your heart race and your chest constrict. It felt like you couldn't fully take a deep breath.  You were drowning fast in terror and panic, not knowing if you could get yourself out of it anymore. You didn't realize in your panicked state that your husband woke up. But then, all of a sudden, when your chest constricted the tightest, and you thought you were going to die from lack of oxygen, you felt Joel’s strong arms wrap around you. He gently pulled you to him, where your back met his chest. He let out a long exhale while slowly whispering, “Baby, come on, breathe.

After Joel had laid down, he had fallen asleep suddenly, too suddenly for his liking. He wanted to cuddle you and give you much-needed attention and affection. Joel could see that you were stressed with work and raising the boys, and Joel's chaotic work schedule didn't help you. He recently hired a manager to work out in the field with Tommy so he could stay back in the office more and focus on the business side of things.  His contracting business was expanding, growing at a rapid rate where Joel didn’t need to be out in the field all the time working. He could take that much-needed break and focus his time and skills on the best ways of growing his company. 

Joel suddenly was jolted awake by something, but he was unsure of what.  When he opened his eyes, Joel saw your back as you were facing away from him. Joel thought maybe it was a bad dream that had woken him up.  Slowly, he ran his hand down his face, slightly shaking it and yawning to clear his head.  Upon looking over at you again, Joel saw that you were curled up into a ball, looking like you were resting peacefully.  He smiled silently, admiring you and what looked like your peaceful slumber. But then he heard it, the small sob that left your chest as you struggled to breathe in air.  Joel frowned, knowing all too well that you were panicking and having a bad panic attack yet again.

Baby, I thought we stopped these, he thought, not enjoying seeing his wife struggle.  He knew you were drowning in your head, unable to get your head above water as gulp after gulp of quick spurts of air were leaving your lungs.  You were like a lost ship out to sea, desperately looking for a way back into port.  Joel knew he was your only lifeline, and it broke his heart that he needed to be this again.  He loved you and always supported you, but seeing you panic like this broke his heart.  Something was bothering you, and he hoped, like hell, that someone wasn’t him.

“Baby, come on, breathe.” He said, slowly reaching out to you and pulling you into his chest.

But you couldn't; your heart was hammering in your chest, and it wouldn't slow down. “I can't breathe,” you said, hyperventilating and sobbing. You didn't know what was wrong or why, but it felt like you couldn't breathe. “Something’s wrong, Joel, I can’t- I can’t breathe.” You said, rushing air in and out of your lungs fast. 

“Baby, look at me,” Joel said sternly, turning you around to face him. He immediately searched your eyes to get you to look at him. Joel reached out instinctively and placed a steady hand on your belly, slowly rubbing it and feeling the soft swell of your stomach that was holding and caring for his child. He was trying to help ground you and reassure you that you were okay and that your baby would be alright, too.

As soon as your eyes met his, you started sobbing and saying, “I can't do this. I'm a failure. I'm always fucking up. No one cares about m-me or loves me.”

“No, babe. Come on now, look at me,” Joel said, cupping your cheeks and forcing you to open your eyes to look at him.  “Come on, with me, yeah? Breathe.”  Joel then took a slow, deep breath, and you mirrored his actions.

“That’s it, sugar, nice and slow,” he said, breathing with you. He was trying to slow your breathing down. After readjusting himself, Joel sat beside you, gently taking your hand and placing it on his chest, holding it tight against him. 

“Feel how I breathe, darlin', now match it. Come on now, slow breath in.” 

*Joel took a slow breath in.*

 “Now, slowly breathe out.” 

*Joel slowly breathed out.*

“And again,” he said, getting you to focus on slowing your breathing down. One of his hands held yours against his chest so that you could feel the pattern of his breaths. The other hand was protectively lying over your bump, gently stroking the skin, centering both you and him that everything was alright with your baby.

After several moments of slowing your breathing and getting you to breathe normally again, you finally sighed and said, “Thanks, Joel.”  

Still sitting above you, Joel furrowed his brow as he looked at you. He didn’t know why you were having a panic attack tonight. It stressed him out and worried him, especially since you were pregnant. He didn’t want you to get too stressed out and put the baby you were carrying under any more stress. After a long moment of observing you, Joel finally sighed and asked, “Why d’ya think you’re a failure?” As he waited for your response, he slowly started stroking your belly once again.

“I don’t know, I- I was upset and spouted my mouth off. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Don’t give me that shit of ‘didn’t mean anything by it.’ Christ woman.” Joel said, pinching the bridge of his nose with his hand while removing his other hand from your belly.  

You frowned slightly at his movements, knowing that now he was agitated. You didn't want to have any more arguments with him. You two have been finally getting along for a while, and you weren't in the mood to go back to the way things were, where you hardly spoke, and if you did, it would result in an argument. To you, those days were behind you. 

When Joel felt you stiffen below him, he froze. He was frustrated at the situation tonight. Something was bothering you to the point where it made you panic, and he wanted to know why. Why did you think that you were a failure? He felt his heart ache when you continued to look up at the ceiling, not wanting to look at him for fear that it'd start another argument. 

Since when did Joel Miller become such an asshole that his wife didn't want to look at him? Since when did he become your father?

Joel took a deep breath and sighed, realizing how harsh his attitude had been these past few months. Yeah, you two haven't had sex since Halloween, almost five months ago. He reasoned with himself that the lack of sexual intercourse was because of the doctor's orders. But you two haven't done anything else either. Joel didn't blame you; he blamed himself for the change. Tommy even commented the other day to Joel that his brother had changed, but not in a good way. Yeah, Joel Miller was an asshole. But what bothered him the most was he's been an asshole to you, and you've never deserved it.

Sighing at this realization, he turned towards you and gently touched your chin. “Hey, look at me, will ya,” he said, cupping your cheek with his hand. When you finally decided to look at him, he smiled tenderly and whispered, “I love you. You know that, right, baby?”

He felt his eyes sting when you didn't answer and just stared at him. Joel Miller has been drastically fucking things up.

“I'm so fucking sorry, darlin’,” he said while gently placing his hand back again on your bump. “I’m sorry for makin’ this. For fucking everything up where I wasn’t there for you emotionally like I should have been.”

You just glared at him, struggling to keep your tears from falling. “Y-you didn't, shit,” you said, brushing a single tear away from your cheeks. I’m not doing this right now. I’m not going to break down again, you thought. 

Joel could see you were struggling not to get emotional, and he was trying so hard to find ways to fix what he had already broken. “Baby, I was so mad at what ya told me on Halloween. That I wasn't rockin’ your sexual world anymore. I got, fuck baby, I got mad and jealous.”

“Seriously? What could you have been jealous about?” You said, snapping at him with more force than you intended. You were confused and slightly irritated at your husband. Joel was the one who shut you out after Halloween, not you. He barely spoke to you, held you; hell, he still hasn't even fucked you since that night. Sure, you pulled away, too, and you didn't tell him you were pregnant. But every time you tried to open up, he'd shut you down, yell at you, or treat you like you weren't his wife. You sat in silence, not knowing how to respond to your husband. Joel wasn't moving or answering you either, and for a minute, you thought that maybe he'd fallen asleep. But then you heard it, a sniffle, followed by a choked-off sob.

“Joel-” you said softer, looking over at him as you noticed tears streaming down his face. He placed a hand over his eyes, sobbing into it. You didn't understand what was happening or why he was giving you this emotional response.

“I'm s-sorry. I'm so fucking sorry that you d-don't want to be w-with me anymore.” Joel said, continuing to sob into his hand.

Where the hell was this all coming from? You thought. “Baby, what are you talking about? Of course I-”

“Don’t,” Joel said sternly, quickly brushing his tears away. Joel hated crying by himself, and he hated crying in front of you. After taking a moment to collect himself, he leaned down and whispered to your belly, “I'm so sorry that Daddy has fucked this up. I-I love both you and your mama so fucking much, ok?” He gently kissed your belly and wiped the remaining tears from his eyes away. When he sat up, he looked around the room, admiring the home you two had built together, with the front of him facing away from you.

Joel wouldn't look at you, even when you asked him. You were scared, scared of what was coming next. You knew this scene, knew it well from your father. It would be the moment that Joel would tell you he’s been sleeping with someone else.  He’d tell you that you were too much for him and that he couldn’t help it, that it was an accident. You also waited for the words ‘you ruined my life’ to come to his lips, just like your father told you before. But the longer you waited, the longer it was apparent that those words would never come. That’s when you felt your heart begin to race again.

“I can practically hear those gears turning in your head, love. Stop overthinking things. I just wanted to say that you deserve better; you both do. And I know I'm not your favorite human right now and that you’re ashamed to carry my child-”

“Joel Miller, what are you even talking about? I'm not ashamed of-”

Joel stopped you by raising a hand, silencing you, saying, “Please, just let me finish.” He then continued when he knew you wouldn't interrupt him again. “I've, I'm- shit- I'm not good with this stuff, with words. I just- fuck.” 

Joel didn't know what he was trying to say. He felt sorry for Halloween and for the miscommunication you two had. He’s been moody since then and not present in his marriage. He was also very sorry for not making you feel comfortable enough to tell him things again, like when you were first pregnant. But most of all, he was sorry for disappointing you as a man and husband.

When Joel realized the last admission in his mind, he felt tears well up again. You had opened your mouth to speak again, but Joel interrupted you by saying, “Ya know, I think my ex-wife was right all those years ago.”

“How so?” you said, tensing at the mention of her.

“She said I always fucked things up, and that's why she was- uh- why it didn't work out between us.” Joel almost said it. The thing he hadn’t told you. That his first wife was unfaithful because he wasn't present in their marriage and didn't give her enough support after Sarah was born.

“Joel,” you said while slowly grabbing his hand. “Baby, I'm not her, and for the record, you ain't fucking things up.”

Joel snorted at your comment, saying, “Darlin', we both know that ain't true. You're pregnant with my child. And you didn't even want to tell me because of it, because of me.”

“Joel, I didn't tell you because I was scared. I'm a woman in my middle thirties who told her husband life was stale in the bedroom. On that same night, he also knocked me up. I wanted to tell you immediately, but as soon as I attempted, you weren't there. You were working 16-hour days and moody because of no help at work. Yeah, I fucked up. I should have said something, but I was scared. I was scared I was trapping you in a marriage you didn't want.”

“What do you mean a marriage I didn't want? Baby, I love you and want you, always. I've never felt trapped, not ever. Why are you thinkin’ that?” Joel said, screwing his face up and not understanding why you thought he didn't want to be married.

“I don't know, just something my dad said when-”

“I ain't your old man,” Joel said, grinding his teeth and flaring his nostrils. At one time, your father, Pat, was Joel's best friend. But that abruptly ended when Pat laid his hands on his daughter and unforgivably hurt her.

“I know it's just- I was worried you didn't want this, want me. I know I'm a lot, a handful, that-” Your voice started to tremble, and your lip was quivering. You couldn't say it out loud. But Joel knew it was the last thing you heard your father say before you walked out of his life, forever.

Flashback

“Joel, I know my daughter, ok? She's a handful, a complete pain in the ass, and a liability. One that I wish like hell wasn't my damn responsibility anymore. So do yourself a favor; don't get involved. She'll just ruin your life. She’s already ruined mine.”

You had stood there and heard your father tell Joel, your new fiance, he didn't want you as a daughter anymore. That you being around was a burden to him and his life. You were standing in the kitchen as Pat, your father, talked to Joel in the living room. You weren't supposed to hear the conversation, and you knew that. But with what you heard, it had shattered you. You walked out of your father's house with tears in your eyes, never returning. It was good that you walked out before you heard your father's last comment. The one comment that yet today made Joel grind his teeth and see red anytime he thought about it.

“Joel, that girl of mine is nothin’ but a goddamn whore. A bitch, just like her mother. She'll just hurt you in the end. My advice, make sure you have a little something on the side, a nice piece of ass as I did, just as a pick me up. Trust me, you'll get sick of looking at her pathetic ass day in and day out. I did with her mother, and it felt great to go and get some much-needed attention from the girls I had on the side…”

After your father called you a whore and told Joel what took place when Joel had you hang out at his house, he felt sick and saw red with anger. Your dad's weekend trips and late-night house calls were due to him fucking around on your mom, a woman who was battling cancer and eventually lost. But the worst thing that Joel found out was that all those black eyes you were supporting in high school and college weren't because you got into a fight or that a boyfriend hit you. No, Pat was getting drunk and using his fists against his daughter's face. Joel also had a sneaky suspicion that the two cracked ribs you had in college also came from Pat.  Joel couldn't believe that his best friend did that, and worse, you never said anything. Joel would have stopped it immediately if he had known. Pat was no longer in either of your lives anymore.

Present Day

“Baby, you ain't too much, so stop thinking that. C’mere.” Joel said, having you come and sit on his lap while he placed his back against the headboard.

He helped you straddle him, putting your hard baby belly against his softer belly. Your bump prevented you from getting as close as usual, but it was close enough that Joel could still wrap his arms around you and rest his forehead against yours.  

“Now, darlin’, I want you to take a deep breath for me, ok?”  After you took a deep breath and slowly let it out, you felt your heartbeat return to normal, along with his.  

“I’m so sorry, Joel, that I didn’t tell you-”

“Don’t. Please darlin’. I-I don’t care what we’ve done before. I care about the right here and now. Please.”

You could feel how stressed Joel was. How his muscles tensed with you, referencing you were sorry again for not telling your husband at the beginning of your pregnancy that you were pregnant.  If you could do it again, but differently, you would.  But that’s not life.  Life is about living in the moment, feeling emotions, and allowing yourself to experience it in its messy glory.  It’s about making mistakes and then learning from those mistakes.  But most of all, it’s about forgiveness, hope, compassion, love, and understanding.  You both understood that the choices made these past few months were out of anger, frustration, and loneliness.

With your eyes closed and your understanding of the situations that have surrounded the two of you for a while, you quietly said, “I love you, old man.”

Joel let out a small snort at your teasing. ‘Old man’ was a nickname you gave him long ago when the two of you started dating, and now it was a term of endearment. 

“I love you too, baby girl,” he said, slowly nuzzling his nose against yours.  

When you pulled back and opened your eyes, you saw your husband looking at you lovingly.  His eyes were so soft, tenderness seen behind them. He was your lifeline that tethered you to this world, keeping you anchored and not drifting.  When he slowly kissed you, you felt him tell you in the kiss that you were loved and that everything would be alright.  He was your rock, your protector, your soulmate. But more importantly, he was your Joel. The man who saw you for what you were inside. He saw past your faults and insecurities, of you believing you were too much. He gave you a safe place to land and be in the moment.  You had a lifetime with him, helped him raise Sarah, and gave birth to two strong-willed little boys you loved dearly. And now you were pregnant again, with a baby that was half him and half you growing inside of you. This little one was very much a surprise, but the best possible surprise.  It forced you both to stop your chaotic lives and slow down to remember what life was all about Love.

After several tender kisses, you started to giggle against his mouth.  Joel pulled back at your giggling, confused at your antics. “Darlin’, are you laughing at me?”

You continued giggling and said, “No, Joel, I’m not,” but then you giggled again.

“Baby, please-”

“Joel, I just felt the baby move.”

Joel’s eyebrows shot up, surprised, looking at you with excitement. “R-really? Just now?”

“Yes, just now, when I was thinking how much I loved you and how much this child is teaching us that we need to communicate still, to be strong, and-”

Joel slowly moved his hands down to your stomach and rubbed it tenderly.  He knew he wouldn’t feel movement for another few weeks.  But seeing you feel life for the first time was the best possible gift one could experience with you.  The joy on your face at the realization that a baby was growing inside you, one that he helped create.

“There it is again,” you said, smiling and giggling. You placed your hand right over Joel’s hand, right where you felt movement.  It felt like a cricket, or something ran across your stomach, but from the inside.  It was always the oddest feeling that you’d feel. It wasn’t a full kick yet; those would come in a few weeks.  But in this movement, it always made you laugh when you’d feel it for the first time.

When you looked up at Joel, you were beaming with the biggest smile, while he had the most tender look in his eyes. Softly, he rubbed his thumb back and forth over your skin, giving you and his baby affection. “She's telling her mama that she loves her.”

“Joel, it’s too early. We don’t-” you said, choking up with emotion.  Joel knew you wanted a girl so badly, especially after the two of you lost the only pregnancy before where you were pregnant with a girl. It was a sore subject for the two of you. 

Before, when you were pregnant with a girl, Joel had come home early from work because you said you weren’t feeling well.  He noticed you were sleeping on the couch when he entered the house. Joel quietly went upstairs and showered, but you yelled for him while he was washing his body. Joel quickly rinsed himself off and ran out to the living room, wearing nothing but a towel with water still dripping down his back. When he got to you, you were sitting up and crying.  When he had asked you what was wrong, you pulled back the blanket, and Joel saw a large pool of bright red blood on the couch. You were rushed to the hospital by ambulance, but it was already too late.  The girl you were pregnant with had no heartbeat detected. You stayed in the hospital for observation, delivering the tiny baby that night. 

After you were asleep in the hospital, Joel had gone home. He took the sledgehammer to the couch, tears streaming down his face while hitting it. Tommy found him beating the hell out of the sofa, crying and screaming at how much he hated the world for taking the one thing that you wanted away from you: a little girl.

And now, all these years later, when you hear Joel reference a girl, you can’t help but get scared. Sure, you hoped for a girl and dreamed of it again, but you also didn't want to go through losing another baby once again.   

“It’s just a hunch, darlin’, and don’t worry, mama; I’ll keep you both safe.  Now come on, time for you both to go to bed.” Joel said, wrapping you in his arms to help silence your fears.

Joel laid you down and got you situated after he brought you some water to drink.  He pulled you tight to him, your back against his bare chest as he traced small circles on your belly, helping you quickly fall asleep.  After Joel knew you were sleeping soundly, he quietly whispered, “Little one, please stay in here no matter what, ok? I don’t know if you’re a girl or a boy, but I think you may be a girl this time.  Regardless, your mama needs you to be healthy, and Daddy needs you to be healthy. You’ve heard bad words these past few months when your mama and I have been arguing. But please know, I’m beyond excited to be a dad yet again, your dad. I love you both so much, ok. Stay in there, and let your mama have a nice, easy pregnancy, ok? I love you.”

Joel stilled his hand on your bump, gently holding it snug while he drifted off to sleep. Neither of you knew that deep inside your belly, a tiny baby girl was growing nice and strong. Even though this pregnancy was difficult at times, that baby had no plans of leaving anytime soon. She would be the miracle and the one thing that helped you focus on fixing your marriage once and for all. 

They say that life throws the most challenging curveballs when you least expect them and that sometimes those challenging events shape you into a better human being. That’s always been the story for you and Joel, and now, you both are about to enter the exciting part of your pregnancy—the one that will reshape your current Marriage Dynamics.

End of Chapter

[jean0farc]

・┆✦ 𝐍𝐎 𝐄𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐄 ✦┆・

Yandere! Blade X Reader | 1.4k

Author’s Note: Something new to practice my writing. Please don’t mind the cringe, I’m just trying to write for the sake of making it clear that I’m still active.

Warnings: mild possessive behavior.

A loud, thundering bang akin to an explosion echoed throughout the entirety of Xianzhou Loufu, its harmful impact colliding with your figure before you could even dodge the attack. All it took was one hit that instantly brought you to your knees, your limbs desensitized from external sources of throbbing pain. Blade was never one to give his opponents a chance to run, and your petite stature wasn’t one of his reasons to spare you mercy. Your eyes darted onto what appeared to be blood oozing from your hands, as if you were close to admitting defeat. Trembling past your fallen state, your eyebrows furrowed in an attempt to protest against Blade’s antics.

“You just don’t understand how it feels, do you?” you called out. “Out of millions of worthy enemies, you dared challenge me?”

Thankfully, you could still speak amidst your frail body struggling past the paralysis you were experiencing. Blade didn’t give you much time to recover, instead, he sneered against your ways of protest.

“I’m left with no other choice. You know the consequences of resisting further. I’ve requested that the Stellaron bring you to me peacefully without a fight breaking out. But since you refuse every time, I’m left with no other choice but to challenge you into a duel. And it turns out that you lost. So give it up.”

Blade’s steps grew more audible as they paced themselves menacingly towards your body, limp and weak on the ground. You couldn’t get up, it’d be against the rules of nature if you were ever able to get up. Bending over to bring himself towards you, you felt his hand wrap around your throat in an intensity he liked.

Blade let out a smirk, squeezing the sides gently while you looked up at him with a merciful expression.

“Don’t disappoint me.” he sneered. “After all, I never asked you to leave my side.”

You weren’t obliged to reply, only leading you to spit back at him as he chuckled condescendingly. You expected Blade to feel turned off by your antics, only for his vision to narrow as he eyed you from head to toe.

“A little feisty, are we?” Blade mocked. “Hah. This is what you get for running around in circles and resisting the Stellaron’s demands.”

“You’ll never own me,” you snapped. “I don’t care about how many duels I have to lose just to break free from seeing you. But reading the letter made me realize you only want me to ease your suffering. Which I refuse to do.”

“I don’t recall you winning a duel against the Stellaron Hunters.” Blade chuckled. “Like I said, I’ll always be haunting you provided your refusal to give in to my desires.”

“….And what desires do you have in mind for me?” you asked.

“Why don’t you find out for yourself?” Blade replied, grinning at your prideful stare that gave off a false sense of innocence. “After all, I don’t want to wait any longer. You’re coming with me.”

“Wh—“

With that, you winced in discomfort as Blade’s strength supported your weight. His arms gripping your waist and back, he picked you up just like that, without any ounce of effort whatsoever. Next thing you know, you were being lifted up like a baby bridal style, leaving you intimately exposed to his musky scent.

“Put me down, you freak!” you exclaimed.

“From now on, our relationship is going to change.” Blade said as he walked away with your body in his arms, amused at your refusal to admit defeat. “You’ll tell me everything about how your day went, from where you came from, and what you really want. You won’t hold back. You’re going to be in my property, and whoever gets in our way gets an answer from my sword. Do you understand?”

“Where do you think you’re going? Put me the fuck down! What I want is to be free from Stellaron Hunters like you!!!”

“I’m afraid that will pass on my watch. You’ll never leave me. I made up my mind that I shall keep you in my arms for as long as the Aeons allow us to be together. So don’t resist, [Name].”

“Where are we going?!” you asked.

“To a place far away that even the Astral Express won’t bother landing their eyes on you.”

“N-no!!! You can’t just take me away and do as you please!!!”

“And what if I can?”

“The Astral Express will find me no matter what. They’ll hunt you down, they’ll—“

“…Cower in defeat. That’s all they can do.” Blade interjected. “[Name], I’ve told you this a thousand times already. There’s not much you can do in that faction. I’ll always be there, watching you desperately before I can even have the time to play with you.”

“No, I won’t allow it! I’m not yours, and you’ll never beat the Astral Express on your own! This, I’m sure of it. Dan Heng will find you, and he’ll take his sweet time beating you at your own game.” you protested.

“And what if I said you’re mine?” Blade chuckled. “No matter what, I’ll always do everything it takes to win my battles fair and square. You’ll be there with me until death takes us, wouldn’t you, my dear?”

“You’ll never push me.” you said as you gritted your teeth. “Now put me down or I’ll have to do it myself.”

“Go ahead. Show me how weak you can be without my supervision. You’ll never survive the wrath of those enemies about to face you in the next life.”

“Fuck you.” you spat.

“You know, regardless of how ill you speak of me, none of that will change my mind. You’re going to be mine……and I’m going to take my sweet time claiming you as my property. So ease yourself up, can you? We’re on our way back home.”

Despite your attempts to escape, Blade tightened his grip so as to not make you fall by accident. You eventually gave in — not as a sign of admitting defeat, but because his strength was immeasurable to the point of overpowering yours.

“There’s no point in trying to escape, [Name].” Blade announced. “Give in to it. You’ll get so used to my company that you’ll wish you never met the Astral Express.”

“You’ll never win my trust.” you replied.

“Keep believing in that, we’ll see. I don’t mind not having you trust me completely this time, but let me tell you this. You’re not leaving anytime soon. Everything you do will be inspected further by the Stellaron, and you shall accept us as your new family….everything you once had with the Astral Express…..is now torn to pieces.”

Silence filled the air as the both of you ended up in his place. Not being able to say a single word, you carefully plotted your escape by knowing where to go the next time Blade left. You just had to muster every ounce of courage needed to break free, and staying oblivious to his household’s locks and locations was the last thing you wanted.

“From now on, you’re going to stay rightfully where you belong.” Blade commanded, finally putting you down after locking the doors. “If you need any further assistance, just call out my name.”

“Pfffft.” you scoffed.

“And don’t forget…..” Blade added, approaching you bluntly with a sharp frown. “You’re not leaving this place. Everything I say goes. You won’t complain. You won’t push me.”

“You’re fucked up.” you hissed.

“I’m not fucked up, I just know what I want. And I want you…..Now, if you don’t mind, I’ll be taking the Astral Express down as instructed.”

“No, anything but—!!!!”

Blade hissed back, instantly pouncing towards you and wrapping his hand around your throat. Your ability to speak was hindered with his heavy breath.

“You won’t try me now, will you, [Name]? Dan Heng has imposed a serious threat against my every move. If I find out about his existence roaming around this place, he will only know death. And you’ll never interfere. You’ll never protest. Because after all, I don’t recall allowing you to leave.”

Your gulps and struggles were heard in response to Blade’s sudden hostility towards you, his anger and inhibited desire evident in those eyes. Leaning closer towards you, he opened his mouth to speak before your ear.

“You know you want this. I can give you more pleasure than you can bear, something far better than that pathetic excuse of a man. Dan Heng and March 7th will never stand a chance against my undying passion to have you around me. And you’ll never falter under my command, will you? Well, it’s not like you have any other choice. You’re all mine now, after all.”

[modernsuperhero]

Btw ages ago I came up with a Scarian au where Scar is of course the mayor of a lovely city. He's quite wealthy too - before his venture into politics he designed the very successful Scarland theme park, which rejuvenated the city's economy and boosted his own pockets too. He's very active in the community and generally beloved by the people.

He is also secretly HotGuy, the city's vigilante superhero, using his wealth from Scarland and his connections as mayor to try to untangle the mess of corruption and organized crime throughout the city! And also like, saving cats from atop trees and things if he happens to come across those too. The city however has recently become host to a deathly parasite, the lethally beautiful Mother Spore. Because she's an independent villain, HotGuy has no way to anticipate her attacks and just has to drop everything when she starts to try to take over another city block or something.

However, HotGuy is not the only person running around the city with a mask and a dream! There's one character who's known just as much for his menace as for his heroism: Poultry Man! Poultry Man may not be a villain, but far be it from him to veer away from pranks or minor shoplifting. HotGuy has chased him down after catching him egging buildings or nicking treats he didn't pay for, but he's also shown up to help HotGuy pull survivors out of the water when there was a terrible bridge collapse, or help break up fights that start to get too violent.

And then, of course, there's the final masked figure in HotGuy's career: his sidekick, CuteGuy! He simply appeared one day, kitted out in military grade weapons and body armor spray-painted pink and white, complete with frills and bows and bullets, asking how he can help. HotGuy is skilled at combat and firing his bow, but CuteGuy is on another level. For some reason, he follows HotGuy's every command to a T, never taking the lead despite obviously having extensive experience. Despite his compliance, he refuses to discuss his past or identity.

Somehow, though, none of these three characters are ever in the same place. If Mother Spore is ravaging a street, Poultry Man doesn't make a peep, and CuteGuy never comes to HotGuy's aid. Poultry Man always gets away with his pilfered knickknacks before CuteGuy arrives, and so on and so forth. And you see, Scar is no fool. He knows all three's secret identities - or rather, identity.

[More under cut]

It is none other than one of Scar's long-time friends and neighbor: Grian.

Grian has known Scar since his dreams for Scarland were nothing more than doodles in his teenage sketchbook. He adores knitting, baking, and taking his cats (however unwillingly) on walks outside. Scar moved into the mayoral home when he was elected, but he still owns his old house right next door to Grian's. Grian is a cheery architect who proudly boasts about being Scar's friend.

And Scar has no doubt in his mind he is also secretly terrorizing the innocent people around him, and that he has both attempted to kill, protect, and annoy Scar as HotGuy on countless occasions.

...Okay, he doesn't know WHY Grian is doing that, or... how, but it HAS to be him! He swears all of their voices are the same, and even with the different masks on they all look exactly like him! And, he's never seen any two of them in one place! Scar is sure Grian's innocent civilian facade is nothing more than that.

It also explains some things: Mother Spore's flirtatious remarks whenever they fight, Poultry Man's annoying cackling when he leads Scar on another chase across town, and CuteGuy's insistence on keeping him alive and following him like a shadow.

Grian and Scar used to be close. But as Scar's life got more complicated, he had less and less time to spend with his friends.

As baffling as it is, Scar is certain that while he was gone Grian became a supervillain of epic proportions, and he's probably only just begun toying with HotGuy and the rest of the city for his own amusement.

...

The truth is Scar is completely wrong!

Grian, Mother Spore, Poultry Man, and CuteGuy are, legitimately, four different people (or entities, looking at Mother Spore) who have never met.

Or, well, that depends on your definition of "met". :)

[nartothelar]

I was seeing the comic of Emmets self destructing behavior even after he and Ingo reunited and wow… that implication it’s not the first time…

How many times must have this happened? How many times until Ingo knew snapping him out by a gentle hand on his shoulder? What bad habits did Emmet develop while being on his own? With "Ingo" encouraging him to be more healthy? Just so deliciously dark! I love it?

On the other hand how much strain Ingo's body going through when he has his moments he sees "the man in white" his body switches to "life-or-death-mode" receiving a little bruise could cause him to fall into full panic mode and try to treat it like a lethal wound if not for Emmet snapping him out of it and calming him down again.

While both have their moments of seeing their subconscious guardian angel both react differently.

Emmet is apathetic towards "Ingo" dismissing him since he’s not even there. He reacts mentally.

Ingo’s whole body could react to small bruises and injuries like they could kill him and depending on his support to get through it. He reacts with his whole body.

Also when Ingo’s aware he’s probably insecure about all the scars he’s got on him now. How many times he almost died… he doesn’t want the real Emmet to know. It’s bad enough that "the man in white knows"…

YES YES!!! This analysis is so perfect!!! If you'd allow me to ramble a bit...

Emmet's self destructive tendencies have been going on for a while since Ingo's disappearance. He has his Elesa and his depot agents to support him/remind him to not truly forget about himself (Elesa trying to take more time off from her job to check on Emmet/invite him out to lunch to make sure he eats, the veteran depot agents frequently checking up on him during the day/encouraging him take more breaks/interrupting his smoke breaks "accidentally", ect) but it's been hard to say the least. It will take some time for these habits to truly go away even with Ingo back, especially on his bad days.

BUT ALSO YEAH! Ingo! If Emmet appears at the corner of his eye suddenly or he sees him from a distance (any sort of blurred visage - as the man in white always appeared as) he might have a knee jerk response - a sudden urge to run or seek safety - but ultimately it won't be too serious.

His body reacts the most drastically when he is already in a state of injury and Emmet is within eyesight. Elevated heart rate, shortness of breathe, blurred vision, body tremors: his adrenaline levels will spike to an unnatural level causing a ton of stress on the body, since his mind is basically telling his body that he's on the brink of death. The quickest way to calm him down if it were to get this bad would be to have Emmet out of his sight until he can calm down...Not very ideal when the source of one's panic works the same job as you, in a work environment where slight injuries aren't too uncommon

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

nah but like

they're "seiros lapdogs" because they're fighting back against the people who attacked them completely unprovoked??? also because it so happens that thales is at garreg mach so they have to go there to reclaim the area to defeat him???

i just hate this because it's just perpetuating things about faerghus and its people that just aren't true. it frames it like they jumped into the war willingly for the church and that they're only here for the church. like nah buddy, it's not faerghus' fault you're out here fighting to protect thales and ludwig.

it also is batshit to me how he and leopold are fighting to stop faerghus from advancing but like... they know what's happening to the empire and that edelgard isn't even calling the shots anymore, yet they still stupidly fight for the very person who is literally razing their country and burning their villages. they know the empire is in shambles and that the kingdom isn't targeting them and is specifically aiming for gm to get it back from who? thales; who, mind, at this point is in his real form and not posing as arundel anymore. everything is laid out plainly, but they still act like faerghus is the bad guy.

but yeah, okay. faerghus BaD for defending themselves, fighting back, finding out who is behind all the puppeteering and heading to take him out. sure, that makes them seiros lapdogs. like what are you, an agarthan mouthpiece??? may as well be like yeah you go retreat and leave you agarthan lapdog. if they don't realize it's Someone Else in charge of course, then ludwig lapdog works fine too.

and it sucks because other than this shit, i like waldemar just fine as a character. it's just like, it feels like they forced someone to have to stick in that final faerghus BaD insult before the grand finale so they just randomly picked someone to remind us that faerghus is Always Wrong as long as they continue to fight back and prevent being attacked in the future.

waldemar here is just basically ag caspar. fighting and risking his life for thales, who is destroying the empire and basically holding the emperor hostage. if the writing here had any decent plot points, they would've all stopped and have been like hey wait, shouldn't we be fighting to get our emperor back? why are we stopping these guys from killing the people who are destroying this country?

and like, they literally went from siding with ludwig during the insurrection to siding with edelgard in this timeline to... jumping immediately back to ludwig as soon as he was at the top of the food chain (thales notwithstanding). as soon as the person in charge changes, they jump ship immediately; then of course get mad that the people they attacked are coming after them... and fighting them as they defend the very people who are letting adrestia become a literal, physical ruin.

it really just tells me that these people don't care about adrestia itself, but status, power and wealth. they don't care about the country itself as long as they're doing well. that's like, the only thing i can get from still fighting with/for ludwig/thales. the fact that they just fight for ludwig again as soon as edelgard is out of commission is also pretty gross to me. they have no loyalty at all.

and it's like, i want to like waldermar and leopold, but they come across as just selfish, entitled and only there for their own asses to be covered. and i get that - that is a realistic take on politicians, but the fact that the game regularly loops back around to faerghus BaD despite that and despite portraying these people as opportunistically selfish is like... what are they even trying to write??

[radjerda]

And I just think that Tron and Flynn can get a remarkable amount of nothing done while working together on some days. Well, they (read: Tron) did deal with some gridbugs, to be fair.

And Flynn only nearly got himself derezzed several times, Tron isn't fed up at all! (He's actively telling Alan and Clu to throw Flynn into the portal)

Thank you @graedari for letting me use your wonderful designs of Tron and Flynn! They're amazing!!

[kaltacore]

that scene in the last straw after the explosion and before choosing anders' fate when everyone fights alongside hawke except for anders is so silly. there's an actual bloodbath going on and he's just standing here probably wondering if hawke will get mad if he joins the battle like nothing happened. man that must be awkward

[nerosdayinanime]

if i do go w sakonji being the owner im gonna pull that naruto gag for kakashi where every image of his face is perfectly obscured by some random object

leaf. bird. a large beetle. some paper flying in the wind. light glare. someone walking in front of him. a bag of coffee thrown across the shop. someone else's hair. speech bubbles. him facing the other way. etc

[beeapocalypse]

trying to craft a funger oc like aughhhh i can see him i can picture him in my head right now [image of the most off putting little man possible]

[dutybcrne]

Kaeya is rather touch averse, cringing away from casual contact people give him under the guise of being distracted or idle movement. He's used to it, the Ragnvindrs and Adenlinde got him used to frequent affectionate physical contact, but it can still be entirely Uncomfortable if he's touched by someone outside those he is close to or someone he's otherwise Allowed to touch him.

[aura-bug]

Very late but I like your Yo-kai Watch protag Lucas + unassuming small Wobblewok idea, and I gotta know more about Venoct filling Whisper's role. Does he actually know things or does he also use a book/tablet to cover his mistakes? Is he more of a right-by-your-side butler or a secret agent butler who deals with problems incognito?

OOOOOO good question

I feel like earlier on, Venoct would’ve acted more as Lucas’s behind-the-scenes guardian, mostly looking out for him from the sidelines and only ever revealing himself when Lucas got into serious trouble, because he knew Lucas was fully capable of handling the smaller things himself.

But as time went on and Lucas gradually found himself getting into more and more danger bc of yo-kai trying to kill him, Venoct had to increasingly keep stepping in until he decided it was best to just start playing an active right-by-your-side bodyguard role in Lucas’s life, and he slowly starts entering his overprotective-butler-dad arc

As for his knowledge about yo-kai, I DO feel like he’d know more than Whisper and wouldn’t need a yo-kai pad, but he’d do that thing he does in the anime where the others THINK he’s just playing up the “”crimes”” of some wimp ass yo-kai to make them sound scary and/or intimidating, but it turns out he’s talking about an ACTUAL big huge terrifying monster

like for example it *sounds* like he’s talking about manjimutt or tattletell at first, and Lucas just goes “haha he’s probably playing it up for dramatic effect” but then Mass Mutterer/Tattleterror ACTUALLY appears and Lucas is like “wait what the fuck”

But also for a bit of subversion I think it’d be funny if venoct just straight up WAS overexaggerating normal ass yo-kai sometimes. especially once he started becoming more overprotective and suspicious of others trying to kill Lucas.

Like Lucas eventually gets used to venoct’s dramatic descriptions and starts preparing for the worst, only for venoct to reveal that the “heinous” yo-kai they’re dealing with is actually just. like a flumpy or sum. lucas yet again goes “what the fuck” and venoct just says “LUCAS you dont UNDERSTAND, as your BODYGUARD it is MY JOB to ensure your SAFETY, and I can not allow ANY potential threat to slip under my radar, NO MATTER how UNASSUMING they may outwardly appear”

[concerto-roblox]

i spend a bit of time on twitter for fandom stuff bc there are some really talented artists and writers but oh my god i have to limit my time on that app so much compared to tumblr bc one tiny thing will happen and suddenly there'll be the most despair-inducing discourse ever and i genuinely want to die

[coloursofaparadox]

>:[

[hyacinthsdiamonds]

McLaren being McLaren again, I've seen this song before and I didn't like the ending...