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tabloidtoc · 3 years

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National Enquirer, May 10

You can buy a brand new copy of this issue without the mailing label for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Prince Charles orders Prince Harry to divorce Meghan Markle

Page 2: In a sniveling fit of pique, scorned Alex Rodriguez has trashed former fiancee Jennifer Lopez as a dud in the sack and A-Rod is moaning J. Lo drove him to chase excitement elsewhere because she couldn't keep up with his sex demands and Alex is defending his piggish behavior by saying Jennifer pushed him into it and their spark died long ago, and they were barely intimate for the best part of a year before calling it quits -- Jennifer would pack on the PDA for the cameras, but the moment they were in private she pushed Alex away and even made him sleep in a separate bedroom and he says it was like dating an ice queen and pities the next guy she ropes in -- Jennifer thought she and Alex had a pretty good connection during their happier times, even though she'd likely admit things really petered out toward the end when the lack of trust set in so it will sting her that he's trashing her skills in the bedroom

Page 4: Robert De Niro is getting pummeled by estranged wife Grace Hightower's free-spending ways and his bitter spouse is intent on taking the aging legend for every penny as their nasty divorce drags on -- Robert's lawyers argued in court that greedy Grace's extravagant lifestyle has forced him to take every job he can snag, causing the 77-year-old to toil 12-hour days, six days a week and what's more, Robert's Nobu restaurant business has hit hard times and his tax bills to Uncle Sam are piling up but he is reportedly worth a whopping $500 million, and Grace's lawyers have countered he's pleading poverty but regularly charters a helicopter to Sunday brunch, a charge denied by his lawyer and her attorneys also claimed Robert frequently flies to Florida on a private plane and spends millions and millions on himself -- meanwhile, Robert's relationship with 66-year-old Grace has taken such a nosedive, she's spending frivolously just to punish him and she's walked into a shop a spent $80,000 in 15 minutes and she will go on vacations to the Bahamas, stop at the duty-free store and pay four times the price of what things usually cost and she has more wigs than Imelda Marcos had shoes -- Robert met Grace in 1987 when she was working as a waitress in London, and they married a decade later but they split in 1999 then reconciled and renewed their vows in 2004 before finally calling it quits in 2018 -- De Niro has forked over as much as $375,000 a month to his spouse since their split and the financially squeezed star may resort to doing product endorsements just to pay the bills -- under the terms of the couple's prenuptial agreement, once Grace and Robert are finally divorced, she's allowed a $6 million home, $500,000 cash and $1 million in annual alimony, but her lawyers have argued she should be entitled to half his fortune

* Nearly two years after Hayden Panettiere accused ex-boyfriend Brian Hickerson of brutally attacking her, the bully was sentenced to serve time in Los Angeles after he pleaded no contest to two felony counts of injuring a spouse or girlfriend, and the remaining charges of battery, assault with a deadly weapon and dissuading a witness were dismissed and he was hit with 45 days behind bars and four years' probation but he'll get credit for 12 days served -- he's done his own damage and will pay a permanent price for it -- meanwhile, Hayden is now in a great place in her life

Page 5: Danny Masterson has dragged Leah Remini into his rape case, claiming her docuseries Scientology and Its Aftermath influenced his alleged victims to file police reports against him -- former Scientologist Leah offered the women inducements and benefits to report Masterson to cops, his lawyer Tom Mesereau told a L.A. criminal court -- Danny, a 45-year-old Scientologist and That '70s Show alum, has pleaded not guilty to charges he raped three women in separate incidents between 2001 and 2003 -- Mesereau also called an LAPD detective who worked a second job as security for Leah a double agent and questioned how a 2000 police report made by one alleged victim went missing, but Deputy District Attorney Reinhold Mueller dismissed Mesereau's double agent claims as hyperbole and said the defense got a copy of the missing report and Mesereau's request to push back Masterson's preliminary hearing, a Scientology delay tactic, was also rejected

Page 6: Kelly Osbourne's shocking relapse after nearly four years of sobriety occurred amid intense family drama for the former reality show clan -- Kelly's mom Sharon Osbourne's exit from The Talk amid racism claims by co-hosts and dad Ozzy Osbourne's struggles with crippling Parkinson's disease and excruciating nerve damage frazzled her and she confessed she relapsed and she's not proud of it, but she's back on track and she's truly learned that it is just one day at a time -- her parents' problems weighed heavily on 36-year-old Kelly, who first struggled with substance abuse in her teens, and there's no doubt her mother's scandalous exit from The Talk played a big role as Kelly was crushed over the beating Sharon took in the press and retired rocker Ozzy's relentless suffering also pains Kelly and throw in brother Jack Osbourne's progressive MS and she's dealing with a lot

Page 7: Distressed Dolly Parton is ready to stage an all-star country intervention for her party-hearty goddaughter Miley Cyrus after recent photos of the troubled wild child swilling booze triggered alarm bells for Miley's family members and inner circle, including Dolly who has acted as a mentor to Miley and Dolly has always fussed over Miley like a mother hen and she's worried Miley is going to throw away her career and her life -- 75-year-old Dolly is so concerned about 28-year-old Miley that she's talked about reaching out to other country icons to arrange a meeting with the former Disney child star and help her consider her options and Dolly wants to enlist women she knows Miley truly admires, like Reba McEntire and Loretta Lynn, and organize a sit-down and Dolly knows if Miley hears from legends who achieved so much in the music industry, she's likely to understand any mistakes she makes now can affect her life forever -- every time Dolly thinks Miley's got her demons beat, she hears of another slip-up, so she feels like it's time to take action and Miley's parents Billy Ray Cyrus and Tish Cyrus, who are good pals of Dolly, are thankful for Dolly's concern because Billy Ray and Tish have tried talking to Miley, but she tunes her parents out and they agree their daughter is more likely to respond to Dolly and her legendary friends

* Angelina Jolie blamed her ugly divorce with Brad Pitt for dashing her dreams to direct movies -- she and Brad split in 2016 and the two have been locked in a mudslinging legal slugfest ever since -- Angie says she love directing, but she had a change in her family situation that's not made it possible for her to direct for a few years and Angie, who last directed 2017's First They Killed My Father, said she needed to just do shorter jobs and be home more, so she kind of went back to doing a few acting jobs

Page 8: Shamed sleaze Matt Lauer has been snubbed by his old Hamptons crowd, and it's got the scandal-scarred scumbag down in the dumps and the super-rich who live and socialize in the fashionable high-society playground won't forget how Lauer was axed from his longtime Today gig over bombshell allegations of sexual misconduct and Matt's done everything he can to regain his place in the community, from hanging out in the village to splashing money around and tipping too well and he's convinced he can make a comeback, but snooty residents turn their noses up and it must be difficult for him because it's tough for anyone who wants to get in with this crowd but for Matt it's become almost impossible -- with scandal raging, Lauer's marriage to Annette Roque collapsed and they divorced in 2019 after a two-year separation and they share three children, daughter Romy, 17, and sons Jack, 19, and Thijs, 14, and Lauer has denied any wrongdoing and insisted his reputation was wrongly smeared in a media feeding frenzy intent on destroying him -- after his divorce, Matt hooked up with public relations guru Shamin Abas and the two have reportedly been pals for years and were first linked when Matt took her to his New Zealand home in December 2019 and Matt's friends are saying he's talking about a big Hamptons wedding when he and Shamin make things official, but it would be a failure if no one attends but Shamin has a lot of connections, so maybe that will help in time -- Matt's obviously an embarrassment in the area and he's not getting much joy at the swanky country clubs he likes to frequent either and it's clear to see that doors from many A-listers, like Martha Stewart, Gwyneth Paltrow and Scarlett Johansson, who have had ample time to put out the welcome mat and Matt won't be getting invites to their homes anytime soon

Page 9: Kourtney Kardashian is packing on the PDA with new boyfriend Travis Barker and insiders said her desperate bid to compete with her sisters has gone way over the top and ever since Kourtney and Travis first went public, the oldest Kardashian sibling has made it a point to post the couple's passionate romps in racy pics and videos on social media and people in her circle feel it's beneath her to advertise her personal moments like this and even her family thinks it's unflattering, but she's getting a kick out of showing off her wild side and Kourtney has been desperate to raise her profile to keep up with internet-savvy sisters Kim Kardashian and Khloe Kardashian, who promote themselves by posting incessantly and Kourtney was always more low-key, but now she thinks she needs to be outrageous to keep up but her friends and family say it's not who she is, and she should put a lid on the steam

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Alison Brie helped tend to newly planted trees in Malibu, Chris Rock tuned out the world with a set of headphones while walking in Miami, Dylan McDermott plays a bad guy on Law & Order: Organized Crime, Dancing with the Stars pro Sasha Farber buzzed around L.A. on an electric bike, Margot Robbie skating in Malibu

Page 11: Paula Abdul is filling in for Luke Bryan on American Idol, but she's gone crazy with fillers and Botox to the point where she can barely move her face -- 58-year-old Paula, one of the show's original three judges who left before the ninth season, jumped at the chance after Luke tested positive for COVID-19, but when she showed up for work, she was far from the familiar face everyone was expecting and she must have given her co-hosts quite a fright because her face is blown up like a balloon and her forehead has no lines and her eyes have no crinkling at the corners that you would normally expect on someone who's pushing 60 and people are saying she never did know when to quit and this time she's really gone overboard and it was a shame, since it's no secret she'd love to make a comeback on the show and she's still in fantastic shape, but it's kind of sad to see her fall victim to these Hollywood trends as she's a lovely lady and should leave well enough alone -- her heart-shaped face may predispose her to a slower aging process than longer facial shapes

* Jessica Simpson has plumped up her kisser, but one expert thinks her new inflated piehole would look better on a fish because she's gone overboard with filler in her lips and the end result is an unnatural and very unattractive look because the M-shape of the middle upper lip is distorted, creating a fishy appearance she surely wasn't going for

Page 12: Straight Shuter gossip column -- James Bond will be gunning for Top Gun: Maverick on movie screens in November, and Tom Cruise isn't happy -- moving the Top Gun sequel from July to November has left Tom shaken and stirred and no one is more competitive than Tom and going up against the new 007 film starring Daniel Craig has put the fear of God into him because Tom likes to win and coming in second is not an option so get ready for an all-out box office war between Tom and James Bond and this is going to get ugly

* Just out-of-the-closet Colton Underwood has been invited back to his old stomping grounds on The Bachelor but he won't be the new Gay Bachelor, but there's been talk about him returning to help contestants through the process -- he'll literally play the gay best friend who helps the straight contestants find love

* Bridgerton stud Rege-Jean Page won't be back for season 2, but crossing the show's powerful producer Shonda Rhimes was not smart because Shonda is not used to being told no, especially by an actor no one had heard of before she cast him -- Rege-Jean was naive about the business of Hollywood, but he's learning fast but saying no to Shonda is a move he's now thinking twice about

* Irina Shayk had her hands full during a photo shoot in NYC (picture)

Page 13: Racy reality series The Bachelorette has so disgusted some American viewers, they've flooded the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) with complaints and calls to yank the sexy show from TV -- according to documents, a season 16 dodgeball game that turned into a stripping competition among Clare Crawley's suitors in 2020 especially fueled viewers' rage, even though the aired footage was blacked out to protect the men's privates but the game was not over until one team was fully naked

* Matchmaker Olivia Newton-John is itching to play Cupid for longtime pal John Travolta as her Grease co-star approaches the one-year anniversary of the death of his beloved wife Kelly Preston and Oliva would like nothing more than to bring some joy and happiness back into John's life and she has lots of beautiful, fun-filled lady friends from the U.S. and Australia she could set John up with but he may not be ready for a new romance, and John himself has admitted mourning is individual and experiencing your own journey is what can lead to healing and John still hasn't gotten over Kelly's death yet and it feels like yesterday to him

Page 15: Tiger Woods' former mistress Jamie Jungers is dishing about her doomed 18-month affair with the then-married golf great and the fallout that triggered her harrowing spiral into drug addiction in a juicy new tell-all -- Jamie, 38, said she met the skirt-chasing links legend, now recovering from a shattered right leg after a February car crash, during her stint as a party host in Sin City and she claimed they kicked off a fling behind the back of his wife Elin Nordegren and Tiger would often fly his new squeeze to his L.A. home for their secret trysts and Jamie said she even once signed for a package at the newlyweds' pad that turned out to be wedding photos of Tiger and his bride, who divorced the sex addict in 2010 -- but it was not too hard for Jamie to convince herself the couple's marriage was on the skids because Elin spent so much time in her native Sweden and Jamie confessed she loved Tiger in a way but knew they'd never have a real relationship -- things came to a screeching halt when the tightwad millionaire refused to help her find new digs and Jamie kept her lips zipped about the hush-hush affair for three years, but she claimed her ensuing media appearances, in which she was dubbed Mistress No. 4, left her feeling humiliated, triggering a $500 a day pill habit that led to her getting hooked on heroin and meth and homeless Jamie endured failed stints in rehab, went through detox while behind bars and hit rock bottom before getting clean in 2018 and now sober, she said of her former flame she's not in love with him anymore

Page 16: Picky parents Alec Baldwin and Hilaria Baldwin have found one thing that's even tougher than raising six kids: finding the right nanny -- Alec and Hilaria have high expectations for prospective carers and exacting demands when it comes to their duties and Hilaria is so involved with the kids, so she's especially vigilant and has the final say when it comes to hiring and firing though Alec definitely has his checklist on what makes a good nanny and try as they might, they realize they can't do everything themselves and need help, lots of it, but it's been a logistical nightmare getting a team of nannies organized as Alec and Hilaria are tough on them and firm and long hours and multitasking are a must and of course they must be quick on their toes and know what to do with a cranky set of children without losing their cool and a good disposition, a clean and tidy appearance and the ability to step in last minute when needed are all prerequisites to be a Baldwin nanny -- Hilaria and Alec feel guilty about using more help than they initially thought they'd need and typically have at least two nannies on duty and they're doing their best to keep their home from becoming a nuthouse and stay sane and even when Hilaria and Alec are both home at the same time, they still need help changing diapers and doing endless loads of laundry, preparing meals and snacks and assisting homeschooling for the older ones and making sure they all get plenty of exercise and playtime -- it's been a challenge and they won't settle for anything but the most skilled nannies, and their friends can see the efforts are paying off

Page 17: Britney Spears has taken to social media to insist she's OK, but there are increasing concerns over the singer's state of mind -- Britney, 39, has shared bizarre Instagram posts showing her maniacally dancing and also bellyached that she's trying to learn how to use technology in this technology-driven generation, but to be totally honest she can't stand it -- the wacky videos followed the documentary Framing Britney Spears, which cast an unflattering spotlight on her troubled history amid her fight to have her conservator dad Jamie Spears removed from overseeing her personal and financial affairs and Britney, who has not had control over her own cash or major life decisions since her notorious 2008 breakdown, said the documentary's portrayal embarrassed her and brought her to tears and she cried for two weeks -- still, Britney reassured fans she's totally fine and she's extremely happy, she has a beautiful home, beautiful children, referring to her sons Sean, 15, and Jayden, 14, and although Britney, who's been coupled up with 27-year-old personal trainer Sam Asghari since 2016, insisted she's enjoying herself, she was caught on camera in Malibu appearing out of sorts and she looked a total mess and she looked like she hadn't brushed her hair in days and the truth is she's wracked with anxiety and she doesn't trust anyone in her orbit except her boyfriend

Page 18: American Life -- Like many dads, J.B. Handley couldn't understand his teenage son, but in this case, 18-year-old Jamison Handley is autistic and has not spoken a word since he was born -- using a breakthrough strategy called Spelling to Communicate (STC), J.B. discovered his son was hyper-intelligent and now Jamison is graduating from high school and will go to college to study neuroscience in 2022

Page 19: Newly single Kanye West is in the market for someone to cuddle with now that Kim Kardashian is out of the picture and the National Enquirer has decided to help him in his quest: Amanda Gorman, Bjork, Quay Dash, Marina Abramovic, Maria Cristerna

* While Kanye West is looking for a new lady to be his creative muse, his estranged wife Kim Kardashian sees the dating pool as the source of her next career move -- Kim has not been romantically linked to anyone since she filed for divorce in February and she's not dating anyone because, if she were, it would be a career move and Kim can't date quietly; she doesn't even understand what that would be like

Page 22: Katie Holmes and her boytoy beau Emilio Vitolo Jr. haven't been photographed together in more than a month, leaving people to wonder if the once snap-happy couple's romance is cooling off -- after being constantly caught on camera packing on the PDAs, the coosome twosome's vanishing act has sources suspecting work stress is taking a toll -- they're still together but things aren't anything like they were, and Katie seems pretty down and Emilio has been working long hours at his dad's restaurant, which was hit hard during the pandemic and that's meant less time for him and Katie to hang out and their romance may have gone from full boil to simmer

* Hollywood Hookups -- Danica Patrick and Carter Comstock dating, Zac Efron and Vanessa Valladares split, Madison LeCroy is dating a mystery man

Page 23: Lizzo stripped nude on social media for an unedited selfie to promote body positivity in all its glory and the 32-year-old defied the haters by bravely going makeup-free and wearing only her birthday suit -- she said she's letting it all hang out to encourage girls struggling with their self-image and self-confidence to embrace their natural beauty

* Bethenny Frankel plans to spend a whopping $10 million on her upcoming wedding -- she is set to wed Paul Bernon after she was spotted flashing a ginormous sparkler reportedly worth over $400,000 and movie producer Paul, 43, has given Bethenny, 50, carte blanche to spend whatever she wants so she's thinking 50,000 roses, champagne, gilt-edged glasses, a garden setting with fountains, dancers and a choir and Bethenny wants it to be perfect and she expects the best of everything

* Julianna Margulies has admitted things were hot on the set of ER, and it was because she and co-star George Clooney had a crush on each other and the chemistry on the beloved TV series between Julianna, now 54, and George, 60, was organic, she gushed in her upcoming memoir -- she also said when you create an environment that people feel safe in, then you do your best work and George taught her that and she felt so safe with him

Page 25: Troubled Tori Spelling is convinced having a sixth baby is the only way to bring her rocky 15-year marriage to Dean McDermott back from the brink -- Tori, 47, and Dean, 54, have been living separate lives for months and she has frequently been seen in public without her wedding ring and lately they've been more like brother and sister than husband and wife, but Tori is under the impression that another baby will give them a fresh start -- Dean has tried to repair their romance by taking on more dad duties and he even pushed for a recent family getaway to Palm Springs, where Tori socked her husband with the ultimatum to give her another baby or hit the highway and it's true they got along a lot happier when she was pregnant, but a lot of people think she's being delusional since they still have a lot of issues to work through and having another kid isn't going to be a magic fix and in fact, it may even add to their problems

Page 26: Cover Story -- Prince Harry's desperate bid to make peace with his estranged royal family exploded spectacularly when his father Prince Charles gave him an ultimatum to divorce Meghan Markle or you're out forever -- the secret showdown came after the funeral for his grandfather Prince Philip that forced family members to reunite for the first time following a year of bitterness and shocking allegations and any hope Harry had of mending fences and being welcomed back went out the window when he broke Queen Elizabeth's heart by snubbing her 95th birthday right after the funeral because he flew back to California the day before her birthday and it was the last straw for Charles, who was furious and he was stunned his son couldn't wait just 24 hours more to show respect for his grandmother and felt compelled to rush back to his pregnant wife Meghan and it would have meant so much for Her Majesty, who was still mourning her husband and needs all the comfort she can get but instead Harry headed back to his ritzy $14 mansion and Hollywood lifestyle, callously leaving his grieving grandmother on what should have been her big day -- the word is Meghan ordered him back as he'd been gone 10 days, their longest separation since they wed, and she didn't want his family playing mind tricks on him, trying to convince him he should return to the U.K. -- Charles confronted his younger son about snubbing Her Majesty during a phone call from his country getaway in Wales, where Charles was grieving his father Prince Philip and considering the future of the monarchy and Charles didn't mince words and he called Harry selfish and blamed Meghan for ripping the family apart and he bluntly admitted he and other royals, including the queen herself, were deeply disappointed and very angry by what the couple said in an explosive tell-all TV special and he couldn't believe Harry would agree to such a devastating interview without pressure from his publicity-obsessed wife or her advisors and Charles told Harry he was ashamed of him for turning his back on his family and breaking his grandmother's heart and Charles said he didn't believe Harry's marriage can survive long-term and suggested that Meghan was so ambitious, she'd dump Harry when something, or someone, better came along then he shockingly told his son he would only be welcomed back if he divorced that American actress and Charles insisted divorce was the only way to save the royal family and Harry himself -- Harry faced a great deal of frostiness from other members of the family after he arrived for Philip's funeral: Princess Anne, Prince Edward, his wife Sophie and other relatives didn't even look at Harry, they are so angry with him and Meghan, and Prince William and his wife Duchess Kate tried to put on a united front, speaking to Harry as they walked away from the service, but it was all for show as the queen had ordered a truce in the feud to avoid another public scandal, but family feelings are running very deep against Harry and Meghan for quitting royal duties and trashing the royals in their interview and the truth is if Harry doesn't divorce Meghan, this rift will never be mended

Page 36: Ellen DeGeneres confessed she'd swilled three cannabis-laced drinks and popped two snooze-inducing pills before driving wife Portia de Rossi to the hospital for an emergency appendectomy -- during an interview with Jimmy Kimmel, Ellen said she'd downed a commercial beverage containing the weed compounds THC and CBD and admitted she didn't feel anything and then she drank three, and she also took two melatonin sleep pills and she's lying in bed and realizes Portia is not in bed -- after finding Portia on all fours and in pain, Ellen claimed her adrenaline kicked in and she rushed Portia to the hospital

Page 38: Gwyneth Paltrow knows at least one person who is not a fan of her catalog of sex toys: her mom Blythe Danner -- while Gwynnie loves to bang the drum for frisky female fun by hawking vibrators, whips, handcuffs, genital-themed jewelry and even a candle called This Smells Like My Orgasm, her 78-year-old mother is always shocked by her raunchy online inventory and is very proper, but Gwyneth said even proper ladies have sexuality too -- although her mom is not lining up to purchase the BDSM starter kit or the $15,000 gold-plated dildo, Gwyneth remains committed to tackling taboos related to female pleasure, saying she thinks that our sexuality is such an important part of who we are and one of the things they really believe in at Goop is eliminating shame from these topics

* The Entourage crew might get back together, with Charlie Sheen joining the gang -- the creator of the bro show and 2015 spinoff movie said he may bring the boys back with his buddy Charlie in the reboot and Doug Elin says whether he would ever be in Entourage as Charlie Sheen or whether he would create a character for him, he would be all for it -- Charlie hasn't been seen on the big screen since a 2018 guest spot on Saturday Night Live

Page 42: Red Carpet -- Sofia Vergara

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loverdrew · 4 years

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Promise, You Won’t Fall In Love With Me

He never knew love. He never understood relationships. He never imagined his life after high school or outside of his fame. She was the opposite. She deeply loved her family, she had ambition, intelligence and drive. They were the complete opposite, but together, they wouldn’t know what to do without each other.

Inspired by the movie A Walk To Remember.

Senior year. The year all the students turn 18, throw the wildest parties, the lifelong dreams of getting acceptance letters from their dream college. However, the Ethan Dolan didn’t have to worry about that one bit. He already had a future. He would continue making video comedy content online for his millions of girl fans that adored his soft eyes and bright smile. After this year he would move to California to pursue even bigger dreams, leaving his heart in New Jersey.

The hallways and outside the school yard filled with laughter, hugs, girls wearing close to nothing, and the guys drooling over them. Ethan walked in holding his football, jersey on full display, taking in the last first day of any schooling he’d ever get.

“My boys!” One of his friends, Jason, exclaimed. He hugged both Grayson and Ethan and put both arms around them walking into school. “This going to be the best year yet?”

“Oh you know it! The parties, the easy classes, the girls!” Grayson rubbed his hands together and laughed.

Ethan’s laughed along with his friends walking into the building, when the most unexpected girl caught his eye at her locker. It was Y/N. He had known her since kindergarten, she always wore the same type of outfit: a pastel skirt to her knees and a blouse with the same beige knitted sweater. Her hair always out of her face either in a ponytail or behind her ears, and she wore a brown shoulder bag to carry her books. They never particularly talked or even hung out together, but he somehow knew everything superficial about her. She never paid him any attention, except in class when he tried to be disruptive on purpose. He weirdly wished she would pay attention then. But he’s hooked up with prettier girls than her, so she wasn’t one to be upset over, right?

“Ethan Dolan, to the principals office. Ethan Grant Dolan, please come to the principals office.” They all heard, even Y/N. Their eyes met for a split second, before she closed her locker and headed to home period.

“Damn dude, trouble on the first day?” Jason joked.

“Shut up man. You know I’m the model student.” He smirked, shaking hands with his friends before headed to the office, which happened to be right across from Y/N’s home period, not like he noticed. He swiftly walked into the office and sat in the chair in front of principle Henderson, who closed the door with a stern look on his face.

“Ethan, what did I tell you about getting into trouble again.” He crossed his arms.

“Principle Henderson, I don’t know what you mean but I have been an angel since last semester, haven’t I?” He flashed that boyish smile of his that got him out of every situation, just not this one.

The principle proceeds to pull out 5 beer bottles and 2 bitter nubs of used joints. Ethan stiffened, his mouth running dry.

“I have no idea what those are.” He said quietly.

“Cut the act Dolan. Along with drinking and smoking on school property, you’re on the verge of not graduating. You have a combined GPA of 2.3. You need at least a 2.9 to graduate. Now I could expel you and kick you off the football team now...” Ethan begins to worry sit up straight, trying not to believe this could be true. “But I won’t.” Ethan looked up at him with a big sigh, eyes falling shut.

“Thank you, thank you so much Mr.Henderson I promise I’ll be even better-”

“You didn’t let me finish. Instead of doing all that, you’re going to be doing something for me. You will get a tutor which I will assign to you, and you’ll be spending time after school participating in our schools fall play.”

“Oh cmon Mr. Henderson you can’t be serious. I can’t act, at all.”

“You acted like you didn’t know where that bottle came from. And now you’ll act as the prince in our schools production of Beauty and the Beast.” Ethan struggled with the principles decisions, but if he didn’t do it he would’ve been destroyed having to give up his friends and football.

“When do rehearsals start.” He said plainly.

______

At lunch, instead of being in the lunchroom with his group of friends laughing and being dorks together, he was stuck in the library for the next 45 minutes, waiting for whoever his new tutor is. He tapped his pencil impatiently. All he had to do was pass English and Government/Economics with at least a 75% and he’d be golden, but even he didn’t know how he could manage that. He looked around, and heard the library door open in front of him, revealing the golden eyed girl walking in with such ease. Her eyes found his and slightly pulled at her bag strings nervously. He sighed in disbelief, of course the girl with straight A’s, captain of the science club and the church singer was his tutor.

“Hi Ethan. I’m Y/N, your tutor for this semester.” She said in a soft voice just above a whisper. “Today we’re just going over basics explained in the syllabus but it won’t take long, maybe 25 minutes so you’ll be able to run off with your friends.” She took a seat in front of him, opening up the Government textbook and her notebook with the classes syllabus laid out.

“I don’t need you to do me any favors okay, I just need to pass. I would think you’d want me here considering Ms. I’m-so-holy doesn’t have many friends.” He spat at her. Partially because he felt embarrassed, partially because he didn’t want to give her any impression that he in any way cared about her. It didn’t even phase her, being that her whole life was filled with constant ridicule and bullying. She stayed calm amidst his venomous words.

“The teachers are my friends, my church choir are my friends, my father is my friend. Please don’t pretend like you know me, Ethan. You haven’t even spoken to me ever.”

“But I’ve been going to school with you and living in the same neighborhood as you since we were 5. Your father is a prodigious doctor that always goes to church to watch you sing. You’ve lived in the same white house with the pink flowers surrounding the white painted porch. You always wear pastel colors because you like to be girly but don’t want attention. You started putting your hand back in middle school because it always got in your face when you were studying. I know you Y/N. Don’t act like you don’t know me either.”

“I know you Ethan. Which means I know you’re capable of doing greater things than being the stereotypical jock. You’re successful and talented and smart, learn to use it. Now let’s get started.” She said without even looking at him, and staring daggers into her book.

_____

After school, Ethan trudged his way to the schools theatre, where everyone would be meeting up for the parts and the production of the play. No surprise that Y/N was there, script in hand near the piano, while someone playing ‘Beauty and the Beast’, and she hummed along. The stage lights somehow made her skin shine brighter, and her hair glisten. He scoffed, and sat in the 3rd row, seeing all of the theatre nerds gather with smiling faces ready to start production.

“Alright everyone settle down. We are going to cast roles right now so listen up!” Ms. Davida clapped her hands and stood in front of the stage.

“For the role of Lumiere and Cogsworth, Louis and Jeremy! Mrs. Potts goes to Claira, Gaston goes to Derrick, Belle goes to of course, Y/N, and The Beast is played by the newest member to theatre Mr. Ethan Dolan.” Ethan knew he would get the lead, but Y/N did not. Her eyes spread wide, whites fully visible as her grip on her script tightened just slightly, the realization that she’d have to play his princess. She could barely handle his demeanor during tutoring, but in something that she loves to do she would only hope he wouldn’t ruin it for her.

“Opening night is in exactly 3 months just before Christmas break, so that means you’ll all need to work hard and together to make this production amazing but I believe in you all. So let’s get right to it! Ethan, Y/N on the stage please we will be starting with the scene when Belle and the Beast argue, right after he saves her from the wolves. Feel the anger, feel the frustration.” She had that typical musical theatre teacher ‘passion voice’, really trying to emphasize the feelings within the scene. Ethan couldn’t take her seriously, laughing as he jumped onto stage and grabbing ahold of a script.

“Y/N, you start and pretend that you’re cleaning up his wound.”

Y/N slightly rolled her eyes and put her hand out signaling Ethan to give her his arm. He sighed and slammed his arm into her palm, she then yanked it closer to her not caring if it hurt him, and pretended with her other hand to be patting it.

“If you’d hold still it wouldn’t hurt it as much!” She yelled her first line. Ethan could tell some of that frustration was real. So he decided to do the same.

“Well if you wouldn’t have run away, this wouldn’t have happened!”

“If you wouldn’t have frightened me I wouldn’t have run away!”

“Well you shouldn’t have been in the West Wing!”

“Well you should learn to control your temper.” She said plainly, as if it was an actual piece of advice.

“Now hold still. This might sting a little.” In the script it says for Ethan to wince in pain, so he did, just not well at all. It was forced, and painfully bad to watch his face squint uncomfortably. Y/N sighed, turning to the teacher.

“Ms. Davida he needs to take this seriously, some of us really want this play to go well.”

“I don’t even want to be here, I was forced to join the play, I could’ve gone my entire life without acting in a play.”

“Then leave.” She stepped forward in his face, quickly walking away towards backstage to get some air. He made her so angry. His cocky attitude, his rude tone of voice, the way he could get under her skin over and over again yet she still wanted to see good in him because she truly believed he had some left. Ethan looked off with a surprised face to see all the cast looking at him, and the principle standing at the edge of the theatre, arms crossed. He got nervous, making his way backstage to catch Y/N drinking some water.

“Y/N, hey Y/N, please listen to me.” He grabbed her hand but she angrily pulled it back.

“What.”

“Help me okay. I’m sorry, I really need to do great in this play or else I get expelled. I’m sorry for being so mean and always in your face. I just-this is all new to me.”

“Being nice to someone trying to genuinely help you is ‘new to you’?” she used air quotes, rolling her eyes taking another sip of water.

“No, trying new things. Trying to be good. I’ve always acted tough on purpose because I thought that’s how it should be. People give you more respect.”

“Your act only works on an audience.” Y/N saw through it since first day of kindergarten when he stole her crayons and snored next to her ear during nap time to annoy her. But she paid no mind, there were more important things to worry about than a little boy.

“Ethan, if you promise me you try, like really try, in all aspects, I won’t be opposed to helping you.” She said calmly, with her normal soft voice.

“I won’t say I’ll be perfect, but I’ll do the best I can.”

“That’s all I ask.” She started walking back onto the stage where they were already rehearsing another scene, but she quickly turned back around to say one last minor detail.

“Oh yea and Ethan, one more thing. You have to promise not to fall in love with me.”

A chuckle came from his mouth as he looked her up and down.

“Without a doubt, that is a promise I can keep.”

#ethan dolan #grayson dolan #the dolan twins #ethan dolan imagine #grayson dolan imagine #dolan twins imagine #dolan twins fanfic #dolan twins smut #dolan twins masterlist

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captains-log-reviews · 4 years

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Disney’s Peter Pan (1953)

Summary/Overview:

I’ve been considering a Hook-themed review blog for some time now, and what better way to start off than with the classic 1953 Disney film? Originally slated to be Disney’s second animated film after Snow White, the idea for a production of Peter Pan was in Walt’s mind long before it hit the big screen. Walt himself had played Peter in a school play as a boy and had retained a fondness for the story ever since. The first major film version to feature a boy (Bobby Driscoll) in the titular role, Disney’s Peter Pan has since become perhaps even more widely known than Barrie’s original. That being said, I think it’s probably unnecessary to give much in the way of a summary, but for the sake of developing a consistent format for my reviews, here’s the super quick version:

Wendy Darling, a young girl with an active imagination and a love for storytelling, is distraught when her practical father decides that it is time for her to grow up and move out of the nursery with her brothers. Later that night, after her parents have gone out, Peter Pan—the flying boy hero of Wendy’s stories—shows up at her window and offers to take her and her brothers to Neverland, a magical island with mermaids, “Indians,” and pirates where they will never grow up. Unfortunately the kids get caught up in the plans of Captain Hook, who wants revenge on Peter for cutting off his hand and feeding it to a crocodile. Ultimately, Hook captures the children and nearly kills Peter with a bomb in the guise of a present from Wendy, but Tinkerbell, Peter’s loyal fairy friend, saves him just in the nick of time, allowing Peter to free the children from Hook’s crew and fight the captain in a final duel that results in Hook being chased off into the sunset by the crocodile. Wendy and her brothers return home safely, and Wendy realizes that she isn’t so afraid of growing up anymore...only to have her father admit that maybe holding onto her childhood a little bit longer wouldn’t be such a bad thing after all.

What I Liked:

Those of you who followed me over here from my other Hook blog, not-wholly-unheroic, already know that I am more than slightly biased when it comes to Disney’s Hook. I distinctly remember the first time I saw him on screen when I was twelve. The sequel had just come out on video, and ABC was doing its usual Sunday Disney movie (and advertising) by showing the original Peter Pan one weekend, followed by the sequel the next. I was bored and had never watched the film before, so I decided to give it a shot...and I was instantly struck by how different Hook was from any Disney villain I’d previously encountered. While most of the classic villains are motivated by greed, vanity, or the desire for power, Hook’s feud with Pan is at least somewhat justified considering he not only lost a hand but also faces the constant threat of the crocodile as a result of our supposed hero’s actions. Additionally, prior to Peter Pan, Disney’s major villains (Queen Grimhilde/The Evil Queen, Lady Tremaine, the Queen of Hearts) were typically rather flat and lacking in personality. We see only their wicked side (or in the case of “Man” in Bambi, we don’t see them at all!). Hook is a major departure from this trend in that while he is clearly made out to be the bad guy, we also see him in moments of fear, weakness, and self-doubt. We see him sick and in pain and ready to give up at times. Suddenly, he isn’t just a villain anymore... He’s a person we can empathize with. Walt himself recognized that the audience would “get to liking Hook” would not want him to die as he does in Barrie’s canon, opting instead to have him “going like hell” to get away from the crocodile but ultimately still very much alive at the end of the film.

Aside from Hook himself, I love the dynamic he has with Mr. Smee. While Hook admittedly doesn’t treat Smee well, there is clearly a bond of trust between them. Early on in the film, for instance, Smee prepares to shave Hook with a straight razor. It’s a moment that is ultimately used for comedic effect, but when one considers that Hook has a crew full of literal cutthroats, it says a lot about Smee that Hook feels totally at ease with this man putting a blade to his neck. Smee repeatedly attempts to intervene to save Hook when he doesn’t have to, and Hook unfailingly looks to Smee when he’s afraid for his life or when he needs to send someone out to complete an important mission for him. It’s a villain/sidekick dynamic that borders on friendship, and I think it adds a lot to the film and to Hook’s complexity as a character.

As far as artistic choices go, it is a rather minor thing, but I love that they kept the stage tradition of using the same actor for both Mr. Darling and Captain Hook, giving the film a rather dreamlike feel and subtly reinforcing the enmity Wendy feels toward her father in real life as she faces off against Hook in the Neverland. Speaking of the actor, Hans Conried isn’t just voice for Hook, as many would assume... He IS Hook as much as any live-action actor could be. I love the old hand-drawn animation style and how they used to use the actors as live-action reference models. (You can see some shots of Hans as the reference model vs the final images of Hook in the film here.) If you’ve ever seen a recording of Hans in one of his other roles, you’ll notice he doesn’t just SOUND like Hook...he makes the same facial expressions (particularly in how he speaks with his eyebrows) and hand/arm motions. It’s small details like this that make Hook (and all the characters) more human and show just how much time, effort, and love the animators put into their work.

What I Didn’t Like:

RACISM. With a capital “R.” There’s no sugar-coating it. Unfortunately, Disney’s film falls victim one of the many problematic tropes of the time when it was made and portrays the island’s native characters as highly caricatured, ignorant, and—in the case of Tiger Lily—romantically exotic people. Their signature song, “What Made the Red Man Red” is lyrically painful to modern listeners with any sense of decency, and the villagers’ character design—from their bright red skin to their large noses and often extreme body shapes (very fat or pencil thin)—along with their badly broken English is highly uncomfortable, to say the least. On the other hand, Tiger Lily, the most realistically drawn native character, is shown dancing flirtatiously for Peter and subsequently rubbing noses with him in what is meant to be a sort of native kiss (based on the concept of the “Eskimo kiss” which in and of itself is not a politically correct term).

Aside from the glaringly obvious issue of racism, my only real complaint with the Disney film is the music. While the songs are pretty standard for films of the day, I personally don’t find most of the music particularly memorable or catchy. “You Can Fly” is alright, I suppose, but the next few songs have their issues. “Following the Leader” and “What Made the Red Man Red” both have racist undertones, and Wendy’s lullaby, “Your Mother and Mine” puts the kids to sleep for a reason... It’s sweet but rather boring and drags on for far too long to keep the audience’s attention. Less time on the lullaby and more pirate sea shanties, please!

On the flip side, Hook is arguably the first Disney villain to get his own theme song, which is pretty cool. The original pirate song (which you can find here) is a bit more sedate than “The Elegant Captain Hook” we end up with and focuses more on the joys of pirating in general than why Hook, specifically, is someone the kids should want to work for. Personally, I’m glad they chose the song that they did, though I do wish they’d given Hook more lines as originally planned. (You can find the lyrics to the full version here.)

Would I recommend it?

Despite its flaws, Disney’s Peter Pan has had a major impact on the legacy of Peter Pan and how we view the characters as well as Neverland itself. It has long been a personal favorite of mine and acted as a gateway into the fandom for me. It introduced me to Hook as a likable, sympathetic, and complex villain and I’ll always be grateful for that. I definitely recommend it to anyone entering the fandom, those with a fondness for the nostalgia of classic Disney films, and kids at heart of all ages.

Overall Rating:

As much as I love the film and want to give it a perfect score, I’d be remiss if I didn’t deduct at least a few points for the depiction of the “Indians.” Otherwise a lovely version of the story so... 4/5 stars

#captain's log reviews #disney peter pan #peter pan disney #peter pan 1953 #disney captain hook #captain hook disney #reviews #disney reviews #movie reviews #film reviews #captains-log-reviews

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granvarones · 3 years

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my love for jocelyn began on a hot summer night in 1994. my friend oscar and i were on our way to check out the then just released disney movie “the lion king.” as we drove down hunting park avenue, we chatted as we listened to FM radio. remember that terrestrial radio? anywho, her single “make this last forever” began to play. I turned to Oscar, who was driving and somehow still controlling the radio, and said, “wait. is this new freestyle on the radio? put the volume up!” born in the san francisco, bay area to parents from the filipino province, pangasinan, jocelyn was an undergraduate student at san francisco state university when in 1993 songwriter and producer, glenn gutierrez got a hold of a home video of jocelyn singing the freestyle classic “if you leave me now.” co-produced by gutierrez and performed by filipina vocalist jaya, “if you leave me now” made jaya the first filipino artist achieve crossover pop success with the song peaked at #44 on billboard’s hot 100 in early 1990.

the timing could not have been more perfect for jocelyn. glenn, who had worked with stevie b, arguably the most successful freestyle artist in history, had just joined the production team at classified records, a filipino owned and operated indecent label in the bay area. and with the freestyle genre desperately in need of a new queen, the stage was set for jocelyn.

enriquez released her debut single “i’ve been thinking about you” in early 1994 and the song became an instant regional hit before garnering radio spins in florida and texas. The song would eventually break into billboard’s Hot 100 reaching #80 and spending 11 weeks on the chart. The achievement was significant considering the songs was independently released and freestyle music as genre had been deemed “dead” by the music industry in late 1992.

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to capitalize on jocelyn’s success, classified records rushed to produce, record and release jocelyn’s debut album. released in late summer 1994, “lovely” hit record stores and and an immediate freestyle-fan favorite. the album showcased jocelyn’s ability to shine across multiple genres. the album would generate several singles including the brilliant, and in my humble opinion one of the greatest freestyle songs, “make this last forever,” the donna summer disco inspired “big love” and the sultry pop/r&b ballad “you are the one.” jocelyn’s success helped to spark a resurgence in freestyle music in late 1995, planet soul, a dance duo made up by new york house producer george acosta and the late singer/song writer nadine renee, released one of “set you free.” the song was hybrid of techno and freestyle music and further gave the aforementioned genre the mainstream jolt it needed when it reached #26 on the hot 100 in jaunary 1996. “set you free” launched the book of what some called “trip-hop freestyle.” and no artist was able to benefit from this sound more than jocelyn.

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by the time jocelyn released “do you miss me?,” the lead single from her sophomore album in may 1996, the new freestyle sound was in high demand at radio. “do you miss me?” was a departure from her pure freestyle sound but still incorporated enough of the elements as to not alienate her core audience. the first half of the song is a bouncy pop/dance sound that was perfect for crossover radio. however, midway through “do you miss me?”, the song transitions in a sound that is very similar to that of “set you free” but with harder miami bass sound. and baby, in 1996 this was the most genius thing i had ever heard.

“do you miss me?” was an bonafide hit and with it’s infectious hook, the song remained on the hot 100 for almost an entire year before reaching it’s peak of #49 in april 1997. the success of “do you miss me?” made jocelyn the first filipino solo artist to land a major record deal when she signed to tommy boy records.

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jocelyn’s momentum continued with the equally slamming and success “a little bit of ecstasy.” released in early 1997 and with the backing of a major label, the song was accompanied by a futuristic video director by frances lawrence. the song exploded at both the club and radio level and along with it’s predecessor, “a little bit of ecstasy”were the most played dance songs on new york radio.

after several delays, Jocelyn’s sophomore album was finally released. the album was much dance oriented than her freestyle-heavy debut, but was just as eclectic. one of the set’s most notable songs was her cover of the tagalog version of “kailanman.”criticisms about how jocelyn had been either racialized as latina or black in an effort to make her more “marketable” had long plagued her despite her always acknowledging and identifying as filipino. the song, which she sings completely in tagalog, was to finally to lay those rumors to rest.

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in 1998, jocelyn landed a high profile feature on the stars of 54 hit “if you could read my mind” with fellow dance divas ultra naté and label mate amber. the song was included on the much hyped about 1998 motion picture film “54” starring selma hayek and ryan philippe about the infamous new york disco night club “studio 54.” “if you could read my mind” became jocelyn’s third international hit in just as many years. she was at her zenith and on a the brink of mainstream success. unfortunately, difference with her label and classified records’ fallout with tommy boy records impacted subsequent releases. after topping the US dance chart in 2000 with the thunderpuss produced “when i get close” she parted ways with tommy boy. in 2003 she released her third album “all my life” independently before walking away from mainstream music to concentrate on her family and spiritual growth.

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in 2018, after a 15 year absence, jocelyn returned to mainstream music in with the dance sons “to love again.” and because queen Jocelyn appreciates her freestyle fanbase, she even gifted us a freestyle remix. jocelyn enriquez’s impact cannot be overstated. because of her success numerous filipino acts were able to achieve both regional and national success including buffy who scored a hot 100 hit with “give me a reason” in 1996 and kai, the first filipino r&b group to be signed to a major record label, scored a #59 hit with “say you’ll stay” in 1998.

it has been 26 years since that car ride with oscar when jocelyn enriquez entered my universe making it even more magical than it was. i now play her music when driving my son. Jocelyn, if you should ever read this, please know how joy your music brought to a queer puertorriqueño from north philadelphia.

#jocelyn enriquez #freestyle music #granvarones #queer #gay #storytelling #filipino history month #lgbtq #1990s

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365days365movies · 3 years

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April 3, 2021: Duck Soup (1933)

Time for talkies! That sounds weird, doesn’t it?

The year after The General, the first writing was put on the wall for Keaton and Chaplin with the controversial film, The Jazz Singer. In that movie (which, yes, prominently features blackface, but moving on for now), the eponymous Jazz Singer talks on screen, with the audio being synched up to his mouth moving. This was the birth of the “talkie”, or a film with diegetic sound (sound coming from the film itself, rather than the score). The silent film industry heard the death knell rapidly approaching.

But from the death of one, comes the birth of another. Sure, slapstick would still persist in talkies, inheriting the remnants of the vaudeville era that Chaplin and Keaton heralded from. But now that sound was available, a whole new form of film comedy could be introduced. Enter: The Marx Brothers.

Leonard (born March 22, 1887), Adolph (born November 2, 1888), Julius (October 2, 1890), Milton (October 23, 1892), and Herbert Marx (February 25, 1901) were all born in New York City to German and French Jewish immigrants. Unsurprisingly, at least one of their parents (their mom, Minnie) was a performer, in a continuing trend with all of these guys. Her entire family were performers, especially her brother Abraham, a very successful vaudevillian who went by A Shean. The five brothers soon also fell into this profession.

The began with their uncle in vaudeville, and they became fairly successful. Originally known for their singing, they shifted to comedy after a performance in 1912. The two eventually fused, turning them into a comedy act with music in it. And at some point during this time period, the brothers were playing a poker game with a cartoonist, who gave the brothers their iconic names. Respectively, they became Chico, Harpo, Groucho, Gummo, and Zeppo. And a new troupe was born, but only on stage. It’d be another 17 years before they broke into film. Well, except for Gummo, who went to World War I, then never came back...to the theatre. Just wasn’t his thing. He went into the raincoat business! Anyway...

By 1929, two more things had happened: the first talkies had been introduced, and the Marx Brothers were one of the most popular theatre acts in the country. They also had some competition in that arena from two other acts. On stage, three brothers, Moses, Jerome, and Samuel Horwitz, also Jewish and also from New York City, joined up with a man named Ted Healy, and a comedian named Larry Fine, and formed the vaudeville group known as the Three Stooges.

Meanwhile, in silent film, British comedian Stan Laurel teamed up with American comedian Oliver Hardy, and the two made a lot of short silent films together, all of which were shorts. The tall, talkative, and rotund Hardy and the thin, stoic, childlike Laurel were a perfect pair and were known as, of course, Laurel and Hardy.

These two groups were worthy competitors, both for the Marx Brothers, and for Chaplin and Keaton’s form of comedy. And their popularity similarly built over the course of the 1920s. But the Marx Brothers were then given a unique opportunity, before any of the others had the chance. In 1929, Paramount Pictures funded a film, 93 minutes long, which brought the Marx Brothers to the big screen. And this film was a talkie, called The Cocoanuts.

The Cocoanuts was pretty successful, and certainly launched the career of the Marx Brothers. Laurel and Hardy had a talkie come out earlier that month, but it was a short rather than a feature film. And the Stooges wouldn’t be in a film at all until the following year! The Marx Brothers made the leap to the silver screen with verbal comedy, arguably before any other major comedians had the chance to.

The next year, Animal Crackers came out, launching them to even greater fame. This is especially in the case of Groucho Marx, whose greasepaint mustache and quick wit was a huge hit with audiences all over. They moved from New York City to Hollywood, and became bonafide movie stars. Monkey Business in 1931 was their first production not based on their stage acts, and was also a big hit. Horse Feathers in 1932 increased that fame EVEN FURTHER, and there was absolutely no way their stardom could increase from there.

Right?

1933. The Marx Brothers meet up with Leo McCarey, a director you may remember from An Affair to Remember, back in February. They reunite with Margaret Dumont, a comic foil to the brothers who had been in The Cocoanuts and Animal Crackers, and the honorary fifth Marx Brother, according to Groucho (sorry, Gummo). Paramount Pictures funded them for the last time, and the brothers would make a film that wouldn’t perform well in the box office...but is considered their great work on film, basically universally.

Let’s watch it, shall we? Time for some Duck Soup! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

After the opening credits, which includes a bunch of ducks in a bucket ON FIRE, JESUS, we enter the country of Freedonia, a small, bankrupt, and fictional country. The leaders, including President Zander (Edmund Breese), are asking wealthy widow Gloria Teasdale (Margaret Dumont) to give them ore money. She agrees, on one condition: that the President step down, and that a man named Rufus T. FIrefly (Groucho Marx) be appointed new leader of Freedonia.

At a party celebrating his ascension, we met Ambassador Trentino (Louis Calhern), the ambassador of a rival nation, Sylvania. With his beautiful spy Vera Marcal (Raquel Torres), he plots to take over by having her woo Firefly. At this point, his secretary, Bob Roland (Zeppo Marx), arrives to the hall, and the group questions where Firefly is. They note that he’s always on time, and begin to sing the national anthem in anticipation of his arrival. Sucks that he’s still in bed.

He slides down a fireman’s pole as they continue to repeat the anthem, as if repeating a theatre cue, and begins...well, he begins being Groucho Marx. He spits out so many lines at such a rapid pace, it’s genuinely difficult to keep up with it while typing. Check out the scene yourself, if you’re curious! Best part is when Teasdale is talking about her late husband.

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Get used to clips; I’ll be adding a lot of them, I’m sure. This segues into another song about the new laws that Firefly is planning on imposing with his administration. He forbids whistling, so I’m never going here. He also bans dirty jokes, smoking, chewing gum, amongst other things. He also basically promises that the country’s going to be far worse than it’s been before. So, yeah, promising.

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This is interrupted by an appointment to see the House of Representatives, and he heads there with the help of his car’s driver, Pinky (Harpo Marx). However, the sidecar somehow isn’t hooked up to the motorcycle, and Pinky drives off without Firefly anyway. Funnily enough, the silent Pinky is actually a spy for Trentino, along with Chicolini (Chico). They go to report back to Trentino.

Their report reveals two things: they were tailing the wrong person, and they’re very bad spies. Disappointed, Trentino sends them back out for some reason, and they eventually get into a fight outside, which also involves a short-tempered lemonade vendor. Which is, unsurprisingly, another very humorous exchange.

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After destroying both his livelihood and sanity, the two pose as peanut vendors and are quickly found by Firefly, who basically IMMEDIATELY appoints Chicolini to a government position, as the Secretary of War. Just then, Pinky steps in, answering a phone with his signature horns as a response.

After replying to all of Firefly’s questions with various pictures on his body (again, this is very funny), Pinky also leaves, only to be replaced by Bob the Secretary, who suggests trying to get rid of the two-faced Trentino by insulting him, with the intent to get Trentino to slap him, and give him cause to get rid of him once and for all. He once again gets in a car driven by Pinky to go there, only for Pinky to take off once again.

At the party, Trentino is trying to woo Mrs. Teasdale, in order to get her money. Firefly shows up, insults Trentino, only for Trentino to insult him back. He slaps Trentino in response, leading to the opposite intent, and Trentino declares that the countries are now on the verge of war. That night, Teasdale speaks with Trentino, who is to be summoned back to his country. However, he promises to remain if Teasdale can convince Rufus against war.

Rufus agrees to come over, and proceeds to flirt with/intensely neg Mrs. Teasdale. He meets with Trentino once again, who is also with Vera. After another confrontation in which Rufus makes a reference to an old song about my African Americans exist (it’s not called that, and it’s SO BAD, but it’s not with malicious intent; just ignorance), and war between Freedonia and Sylvania is even more likely than before.

That night, Pinky and Chicolini are sent by Trentino to infiltrate Mrs. Teasdale’s place, as Vera has discovered that the war plans were given to her for safekeeping (which we actually saw previously). As they search the house, Teasdale calls Firefly, and asks him to come over and take the plans. He agrees, and Chicolini (who was waiting for him at his room), takes the opportunity and locks him in his bathroom. He dresses up as Rufus and impersonates him to get the plans.

However, Pinky does exactly the same thing, leading to three of them in the same house. Chicolini and Pinky run downstairs, and Chicolini heads to get the plans, now knowing their location. He accidentally turns on a speaker, and runs off. He accidentally runs into a mirror, breaking it. This is just as Rufus heads downstairs to look for his imposter, and that...leads to arguably the most iconic comedy sequence of all time.

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It’s in almost complete silence, and the two are so perfectly synchronized, it’s unbelievable. And it is VERY funny. I mean, it’s famous for a reason. It’s just genuinely a great sequence. But, at the end, Chicolini is caught, and we next jump to a trial, which is, you guessed it, very funny. It also produces on of Groucho Marx’s best and most famous one-liners.

Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you; he really is an idiot!

However, Mrs. Teasdale makes one last ditch effort to prevent war. However, Rufus talks himself out of the effort, slaps Trentino again, and it’s officially war. And what follows is...well, what I can only define as Marx Brothers musical number chaos. It’s war.

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Also, I think that’s the last video I can add on this post. Damn, didn’t know there was a limit for that. Anyway, the whole thing is a crazy-ass production, followed by an insanely chaotic climax on its own. Pinky finds a woman he was looking at romantically earlier, and it turns out that she’s the wife of the lemonade vendor from before. He hides in the bathtub as he’s coming in, then erupts out of the bathtub playing a bugle when he comes in. It’s...it’s hard to describe, but it’s pretty funny.

War begins in earnest VERY quickly, and while this entire sequence is pretty amusing...it just reminds me that World War II is yet to happen, and that these guys have NO IDEA how bad war is going to get in the next few years. Whoof. Anyway, Chicolini and Pinky switch sides a couple of times, until eventually siding with Firefly. But pretty soon, the war destroys most of Freedonia, and Rufus, Chicolini, Pinky, Bob, and Mrs. Teasdale are all together in a shelter.

Trentino shows up, and he gets trapped in the door, as if he were in the stocks. The guys pelt fruit at him while he’s caught in there. Declaring victory, Mrs. Teasdale sings the Freedonia national anthem. The boys respond by throwing fruit at her instead, and...that’s it!

Yeah, that’s Duck Soup! Holy shit, that was...both exactly what I was expecting and not really what I was expecting at all. Huh. I’ll get into it, but it was at least very funny! See you in the Review!

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queenmaracasandlove · 5 years

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You’re My Best (Sex) Friend Series - Roger Taylor x F!Reader - Part I

Word Count: +/- 2500

Summary: Roger and Y/N are sex friends and everything is fine until they realize that maybe it could be something more. Can be read as Roger x Reader or Ben!Roger x Reader, help yourself.

Warning: Mentions of sex and some fluff

A/N: So this was supposed to be only an OS but I really liked the story so it’s going to be a mini-series. As of now I’m planning on it being made of five to six parts. I would love to know what you think about it! Also I’ve never done that before but would you be interested in a taglist?

MASTERLIST

PART II PART III PART IV PART V

Roger and Y/N were hooking up occasionally. It was nothing serious and was quite convenient for the both of them. Y/N did not want to settle down but she did not want to wake up next to a new person every other day. As for Roger he knew he could trust Y/N and it was quite pleasing to share intimate moments with someone he knew rather than a groupie, at least from time to time. Of course sex between them was also extremely satisfactory. Y/N was familiar with the band for a few years now, she had worked in a pub where they spent a lot of time when they were still starting up. Things had changed quite a bit and they had just finished recording their fourth album.

Roger had phoned Y/N so she would come at his place and listen to the new songs. She had come to some recording session but he knew she was really excited about the final product. She was genuinely passionate about their work and always gave an honest opinion which he highly valued. They had listened to the complete album and watched two movies before casually ending up bonking, the music playing once again in the background. Y/N was riding Roger and finally came for the second time of the afternoon. She was never disappointed and it wasn’t long before the drummer finished himself off on her stomach.

“Oh that was good” Roger said

“Agreed” Y/N said

There was something special between the two of them. After all this time they knew how to please each other and they were rarely disappointed. But it never felt mechanical on the contrary, it was a true exchange between the two of them.

“I really like the song John wrote, it’s catchy” Y/N said “Can you put it back while I’m taking a shower?”

Y/N very much needed to clean herself and even though Roger hated that song he owed her at least that for what had just happened. He got up and did as she wished, turning up the volume so she could hear the music from the bathroom and lit a cigarette. He could hear her humming the song, she did not know the words of course but she was already familiar with the melody.

The main reason why he did not like the song was because he thought it did not belong in a rock band’s repertoire but also and mainly just to bother his bandmates, especially Deacy. The song was joyful and light and that was not exactly what he had in mind for their sound. Of course he was happy that the bassist had found everything he needed but they did not bloody need to sing “happy at home” like an anthem.

All he had at home was an old sofa, a broken bed, his drum-kit in a corner and something that looked like a kitchen. Since he moved here he had make zero effort to make the place his own or personality. He spent most of this time on tour, recording or partying and he did not see the interest. There was absolutely no sunshine and the place where he was happy was definitely on the stage doing what he was good at. He looked by the window and saw the streets of London, almost empty, clearly the whole neighbourhood could hear the music blasting from his flat but he did not care.

Y/N came out of the bathroom in a towel, Roger turned down the music and looked at her. She was quite beautiful, the street light glowing on her wet skin. She smiled at him while trying to gather her clothes.

“Do you want to sleep here?” he heard himself ask “It’s quite late”

“Well… Why not. I cannot really afford a taxi and I am not walking for an hour and half right now. Thanks”

It was the first time that she would stay for the night. It was not like they had never spend time together. She would often come to see them rehearse or even spend the afternoon at his place. She had even helped him when he had his shop with Freddie. But never had they shared a bed together for something else than sex and that felt odd somehow. There was an intimacy that was completely different from what they had experienced before.

Y/N did not seem to have anything to say about it and simply went into the bedroom. She grabbed one of Roger’s shirt and boxer before going into bed.

“I’m so glad we had sex on the couch and not on this bloody thing, you should really invest that new money in a mattress Rog’” she complained jumping on it a little

For one second Roger was about to ask her if she wanted him to sleep and the couch but he quickly realised how stupid that question was. They just had slept together, twice. They also probably had fell asleep together at some point, but this felt, different. She looked good, in his clothes. She seemed to be comfortable and although quite sleepy still had a smile on her face. She was flipping through the book on his bedside table.

“Is it good ?” she asked before looking at him “Rog’ are you okay?”

Roger was completely lost in thought, leaning against the door frame. Y/N looked suddenly worried. She was not used to see him speechless. She paused and felt suddenly uncomfortable. Maybe he did not really want her to stay. She was been surprised but very happy about him asking. The idea of walking by herself in the streets of London at such an hour was not very reassuring and she could take the tube early in the morning. She usually did not stay that long but they had watched a film and then another one before getting down to business. The time had flied as they spent a particularly good afternoon together.

“I can go home if you want me to” she said

“No… No I want you to stay. Sorry I’m just knackered” he replied

He went back to the living room, put his underwear back on, turned off the music and the light before coming back into the bedroom. Y/N was already under the blanket and her eyes were closed. She did not want to be any burden and silently waited for him to join her. He closed the door and lay down next to her. She could feel the heat of his body from afar and he knew it was quite cold in the room, he never put any heating on. The band might have been successful and the money was finally slowly coming in although he had already spent most of it.

Roger’s arms slowly reached out for Y/N’s body and brought her closer to him. She did not say anything and waited a few seconds before placing her face next to his chest. Roger had had numerous girls in his bed and many of them had done the same thing before Y/N but it felt different. Never he had shivered because of the feeling of one these girls’ cheeks on his bare skin.

He had trouble falling asleep but it was not the case of Y/N, he could feel how calm she was and her slow breath on his torso. She looked so peaceful, so calm. She had a really outgoing personality, always smiling or talking. She was silent and there was something almost sad in her face as she was asleep. One of her hand moved as it grabbed Roger’s side. Her little frown disappeared and he found her incredibly cute.

When Roger woke up he was alone in bed. He sighed, he would have like to say goodbye to Y/N but she had probably gone back to her place. Once again he was alone in his flat with nothing to do. He got up to pee and smelt something coming out of the kitchen, now that he was little more awake he could swear someone was singing. He quickly went to the bathroom before following the little tune.

It was Y/N, she was humming one of Queen’s song. She was really into their music but she did not want it say it too much not to be taken for a groupie. Her voice was beautiful, almost technically perfect and so pleasing to the ear. He was really impressed by how effortless it sounded. Roger knew that it was her favourite song, she was so excited the first time she had heard it. He did not want to stop her, enjoying the moment. She was cooking breakfast and it smelt really good. It was not often that Roger would cook for himself although he wondered how she had found anything to make breakfast with. His stomach betrayed him as it started rumbling and Y/N noticed him.

“Hello gorgeous” Y/N said, smiling and taking care of the scrambled eggs, “Did you sleep well?”

“You realise this is my place right?” Roger asked, amused by her attitude. “But yes I did”

“Great! Now time for breakfast. I’m starving !”

“Where did you find the food?” he asked

Suddenly an embarrassed smirk appeared on Y/N’s face as she finished setting the table.

“I may have taken the fiver that was on the table” she said “Sorry”

“That’s okay” he said “Thank you for making breakfast”

He sat next to her and started eating. It wasn’t much and it wasn’t anything fancy but he could tell it had been made with attention and that’s all that mattered. She jumped on the food and ate with eagerness. He had noticed how she had lost some weight when his hands where on her bare ribs yesterday. Nothing dramatic and none of his business but he started to wonder why it was so.

“How’s work?” he asked

This is how they had met. Y/N was working in the pub right next where his band used to rehearse. It was her first job moving in London town and they had become rather close altogether. One night after work they had slept together, just for fun. He was really surprised by how the next time they had seen each other everything was back to normal. She did not act like nothing had happened but at the same time she never considered it for something more than what it was. It was the first time that something like that had happened to him and he could still remember the kind of relief he felt because already at that time Y/N was important to him. Without thinking too much about it, it had became casual.

The pub she was working at became the place they would go for a beer most of the time but after their first album they almost never were in that part of the city and they came less and less. In fact, Y/N had became part of their inner circle and she was invited to big and small parties by the members of the group quite often.

“Well… no more work” she just replied

“What?”

Roger was really surprised. She had not say anything about it.

“Well… Apparently I was not needed anymore, had to make some cuts in the expenses” she replied, shrugging her shoulders

“But you were pouring your heart in that freaking job!’ Roger almost screamed

He was angry for her. He knew that being a waitress was not Y/N’s dream but he also knew that she was very good at it and that she was always doing her best. The idea of her being fired like a piece of trash was very displeasing.

“It’s okay Rog’, it was probably time for me to go and do what I came to London for”

“Are you finally going to audition for some musicals?” he asked

“You remember?”

“Of course. You almost made me crazy singing that Funny Girl song all the time last year”

She was so happy he remembered that. She did not talk about it a lot because she was so insecure about her skills. It was true though, she had come to London to pursue her dream of an artistic career. Unfortunately it was crazy expensive to live in this city and the few roles she was able to get were not paying the rent and she had taken more and more hours at the pub, leaving her dream behind her. Blood started rushing through her face just thinking about Roger hearing her singing but just stuck her tongue out.

“At least I don’t sing songs about me fucking cars”

“What did you just say?”

“I’m just saying I love the melody Rog’ but the lyrics… Really?”

She wasn’t mean at all, she was playful and was, per usual, great at changing the subject when she felt embarrassed. She was so amused by the look on his face, he was clearly upset but not angry.

“I mean… did you really locked yourself in a cupboard so that everybody could hear you sing that you got a feel for your automobile on a B-side? I know you’re used to being extra but...”

Y/N couldn’t resist but laugh just thinking about the whole thing and she started running as soon as she saw Roger spreading his arms towards her to get revenge. The place was not that big but she tried to lock herself up in the bathroom, unfortunately Roger was much faster than her and soon enough his arms were around her waist.

“What exactly is wrong with my song eh?” he asked starting to tickle her ribs

“You’re saying you’re in love with a car Roger. Do I really need to explain what’s wrong with it?”

She burst into laughter as the tickling became more intense. She tried to respond to the attack but he was much stronger than her. He knew she was partly joking because he had seen her bobbing her head to the tune yesterday as she was listening to the record for the first time.

“How the fuck do you know about the cupboard?” he asked suddenly realising that he never told her about it while stopping the fight

“I had Freddie on the phone the other day and he told me” she answered, finally able to breeze

Roger let go of Y/N and went back to breakfast. She raised her eyebrows but joined him, after all the fight was not going to last for hours. It was stupid but Roger had felt weird knowing that Y/N had called Freddie. Somehow he had started thinking that she was closer to him than she was with his friends but maybe he was wrong. They kept talking about a few things and Y/N eventually decided to go back to her place. She left a delicate kiss on Roger’s cheek as she always did before saying goodbye.

Roger closed the door, a smile on his face before looking behind him, to the very empty flat. Once again he was alone. He thought that it was crazy how someone as little as Y/N could fill in so much space. He was left with his feelings and all he knew for sure was that he wanted to see her again very soon and not just for a booty call.

#queen imagines #roger taylor #roger x reader #ben!roger x reader #ben hardy #You're my best (sex) friend #bohemian rhapsody #bohrhap #borhap #UpdatedApril2020 #queenmaracasandlove

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gamersonthego · 4 years

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Matt Giguere’s Top 10 Handheld Games of 2019

Handheld gaming is in a weird spot. Beyond the plethora of mobile devices running iOS or Android and the app store fronts they offer; the handheld market has now been distilled down to one major device in 2019. Lo and behold, Nintendo, once again sits alone on the hill. While the Switch has seen great gains in maintaining a constant flow of software on its platform, the vast majority of their releases are either mobile ports or older games from generations past. It is amazing on how much has been released so far, but what makes a handheld game a “handheld game” now anyway? When your choice can be a small bite sized game like BOXBOY! + BOXGIRL! or a massive single player game like Tales of Vesperia, there really isn’t much of a difference what a handheld platform can offer compared to the home consoles for the types of games that can be played. As the Nintendo 3DS and Sony PlayStation Vita sunset into their legacy years, there seems to be a wider line on what can be considered a handheld game.

Nintendo did release a portable only version of the Switch this year, dubbed the SwitchLite. Considering that most of my playtime has been in handheld mode, I picked one up shortly after release. After a few months of playtesting, I think this will be my go-to system for the foreseeable future. I adore the form factor size. The original Switch still works great for quick pick up and play in my home, but I find the new model easier to hold in my hands and store away when I’m travelling. The dedicated directional pad, as opposed to separate buttons because of the nature of the detachable joy-cons, is a big selling point for the myriad of 2D platformers now on the system. I sometimes miss the “HD Rumble” feedback that had to be cut, but that is a small gripe. If you don’t care for playing games on the big screen in a higher resolution and varying framerate, I highly recommend picking this dedicated handheld up.

Admittedly, a lot on my best of 2019 list are games that can be enjoyed on the big screen, especially with the convenience of the Switch’s hardware. Of the games I played this year, I think this smattering represents a healthy dose of what managed to present a case that gaming on the go is still well alive and ever changing.

Top 10 of 2019 or the Hollow Knight Memorial List*

*Sometimes when making a top list our favorite thing came out in a different year or is so clearly ahead it is a lock of number 1 across every critic. This year Hollow Knight from Team Cherry captivated me like nothing else that released this year. Alas, this game came out in 2017. So instead of placing it on my official list for 2019, it takes the honor of being my list’s name. This Metroidvania style exploration platformer is full of surprises, sometimes subverting my expectations when I thought there wasn’t anything left to uncover. If you have a Switch, I highly recommend checking out one of my favorite games in the genre since Metroid: Fusion.

10. My Friend Pedro (Switch, Xbox One, PC)

An action, score-based shooter that I’ve had my eye on for years since seeing the gif put out by publisher Devolver Digital and developer Dead Toast Entertainment. The nature of this very tricky to pull off and even harder to master game lies in its focus on style. Moving across short levels on a 2-D plane, you must, roll, spin, flip, kick, skate, and, of course, kill combo as many enemies to place a high score and a top rank. While there is a story to keep the drive of the game moving forward, I wouldn’t say that should be the guiding factor to check this out. Rather, I found the quick get up and quick play of a level or two perfect for on the go gaming. Once the controls click, this game really delivers on its promised “Bananas” style.

9. Untitled Goose Game (Switch, Xbox One, PS4, PC)

“What if Hitman, but a Goose?” is probably the most quoted pitch heard for this small, but very charming game by developer House House. In it you play as, well, a goose who terrorizes a small town from every front. From untying shoes so people trip to locking helpless victims in garages, no one is safe from this feathered menace! Okay, so the Hitman comparison is apt, minus the extreme brutality, for this sandbox-lite adventure. The best I can compare it to is an interactive toy; one that is unique in how the player can approach a situation and explore the possibilities of what can and will happen within the rules of the program. It might not have the deep experimentation of a larger game of its kind, but I found its calm and lighthearted nature makes this a very stress-free experience, especially when you are the one dealing out all the harassment.

8. SteamWorld Quest (Switch, PC)

I don’t normally go for card-based RPGs, but when Image & Form provide a new adventure in the SteamWorld universe, I had to check it out. This might be the one that changed my mind, because after several turns, I was hooked. The adventure itself keeps things relatively jovial with plenty of jokes and wit to keep the story moving forward. It can be easy to stick to one group of characters, a limit of three per battle, but I find more enjoyment in the battle system when different combinations are put into play. The battle system also provides linked combos that offer bonuses and stringing cards together in a row also adds more to the strategy. Building a potent strategy is where I found the most engagement in this RPG, and all the trappings around the edges made this one stand out in my mind. A good starting point in the genre for those curious.

7. Baba Is You (Switch, PC)

A tough logic puzzler I think goes the extra mile with its charm and style. You play as Baba. Or, rather, Baba is you, or a wall, or section of water, or a skull, or... well you get the point. The goal in each stage is to reach the “Win.” What is the “Win?” Most of the time it is a flag, but really it can be anything. Using a simple push function mechanic that many top-down puzzlers have used before, the twist comes in that you can have these sentence blocks to push around and affect the game’s logic. For example, if the winning object is out of reach by a wall that forces you stop (“Wall is Stop”) you can push one of the sentence blocks away so you can pass through the wall. Even making a sentence to “You is Win” will also result in a victory. The difficulty can be a bit stiff, but I would often find myself just thinking about a stuck puzzle while out and about and think of the solution as a sort of epiphany. Even when getting stuck on a tricky brain teaser, the game offers multiple paths so you can keep progressing through. Certainly, Baba Is You has been on my mind since first playing it.

6. What The Golf? (Apple Arcade, PC, Switch TBD)

If Desert Golf is the pinnacle zen of the golf sport genre, What The Golf? embodies its “party mindset.” Yes, it is golf, and yet, it becomes something more than just golf. Sometimes you will find yourself having to hop across a very familiar level. Other times you will have to coordinate trick shots while being an exploding barrel. And sometimes, there’s just good old-fashioned bowling. What The Golf? will keep you on your toes, especially if you are fond of video games released prior to this. I won’t spoil some of the surprises in store, but some of them had me in stitches from laughing so hard. It would be nice to fully outright buy this game on the iOS App Store, but for now, a subscription to Apple Arcade is the only way to play this on the go.

5. Sayonara Wild Hearts (Switch, Apple Arcade, PS4, PC)

Another Apple Arcade exclusive for mobile (you can also buy it on the Switch at this time), this one showcasing music and style. If there is one thing that counts in making an impression on me, it’s presentation. Sayonara Wild Hearts is described as a pop album video game; one you experience as much as you listen to. The format seems simple at first. Guide your character along the track and collect different items for points to rank a high score while also dodging obstacles. Soon though, things start to mix up as fast as the soundtrack’s BPMs start to pump up. While the touch controls are adequate, I think for certain spots, a physical controller would have been nice. However, there are movements that are far easier to pull off using a touch interface, such as time hits reminiscent of music games like Elite Beat Agents. This gem of a game needs to be experienced at least once, not only for the wonderful soundtrack, composed by Daniel Olsen and Jonathan Eng and featuring Linnea Olsson on vocals, but also to see the twists and turns the game takes. This little game surprised the hell out of me, and I think it will be one that I will revisit again based on its production.

4. Ape Out (Switch, PC)

Sometimes we all need to get out. Especially when you are an ape stuck in a cage. That’s the conceit of the top-down, twin stick, hyper violent, and super stylized game, Ape Out. There is one goal: Be the ape and get the hell out! The concept is very rudimentary which I feel allows the game to shine. You will have to run, dodge, grab and toss enemies to reach the exit while the only advantage is being able to take three hits before going down. Enemies have guns that the player can’t use in the typical way. Instead, grabbing a foe allows one immediate shot to be fired from the grappled target. Used strategically, it can get you out of a lot of close calls. Other enemies can have bombs or body armor to keep this from being too repetitive and thanks to the game’s art style, they all look distinct so there’s no confusion on who you are fighting. Levels are procedurally generated as well, so even thinking on memorizing enemy patterns doesn’t always work. The fluorescent color palette and very minimalist style, like that of a Saul Bass movie poster, highlights the chaos and violence without making it too gross or unappealing. Even the soundtrack is minimalistic, utilizing only jazz percussion that plays out dynamically as the action plays out in real time. A feast for the eyes and a challenge on the thumbs.

3. Katana Zero (Switch, PC)

Taking a page from one hit kill action games like Hotline Miami, Katana Zero plays out at first like a typical note from the genre, right down to its ‘80s aesthetic. You clear room after room of enemies, slashing with your katana, wall jumping to high points, and focusing time to slow down and either dodge or reflect projectiles. A lot of this game is a throwback thanks to its choice of graphics, 2D platforming and story points from movies like Drive and Leon: The Professional. It is thanks to the presentation that makes this game shine for me. The story, music, graphics and gameplay presentation are what makes Katana Zero so high on my list. Clearing rooms is fast paced and quick, with messing up only taking several seconds to get back into the fray. While the loop of the game can get a bit repetitive, there are plenty of surprises that change up the standard formula of the game as you progress. The story does a nice job of not only driving things forward, but also tying in gameplay concepts into the narrative. The music is a healthy blend of synthwave and some very heavy and experimental electronic tunes (one that I’ve had on repeat most of the year). The overall games is fairly short and ends on a bit of a cliffhanger, but there are speedrunning modes and secrets to uncover from replaying. Katana Zero stands as one of the best independent games this year.

2. Fire Emblem: Three Houses (Switch)

There was a time when Fire Emblem was on the ropes, becoming a lagging franchise that was not connecting with strategy enthusiasts on the home consoles. Then in 2013, things changed with the release of Fire Emblem: Awakening on the 3DS. Nintendo and Intelligent Systems had intended that game to be the last in the series. Instead, we got another 3 (and 1/2) games released on the 3DS this past decade. Now it’s time to pass the torch onto the Switch and boy did they deliver on a packed adventure! Instead of just following one or two paths like most FE campaigns, Three Houses offer up to four different story playthroughs that each roughly takes about 50 hours or more to complete. There is also a vast amount of customization thanks to the setting being centered around a military school and teaching classes. If you love watching meters and bars fill up, there are tons of those to be had in Three Houses. Even though not every aspect is well thought out (the amiibo gazebo comes to mind, even though it is the best named mechanic), the cast of characters and support conversations (all fully voice acted) provide some rich storytelling from a character development standpoint. Do check out this game as it is one of the best in the series.

1. Tetris 99 (Switch)

“Where are we dropping, Blocks?” In a personal first for me, a multiplayer game has taken my number one spot. Tetris 99 is just that. Tetris. However, it’s you versus 98 other players in a battle royal style completion. Released as a free download to Nintendo Switch Online subscribers, it now has multiple versions that can be bought as well. Thanks to constant updates and weekend tournaments, the online community is still strong, so finding matches is quick and painless. Playing against such a wide number of challengers turns the typical Tetris strategy on its head. Racking up combos instead of quickly clearing lines, for example, is one way to secure victory, but leaving too many gaps and holes can prove disastrous if you suddenly become the target of a handful of players. Even though I have yet to secure a 1st place finish, the nature of Tetris keeps me coming back for more. Whether it’s facing against bots, friends, marathoning solo or playing the featured battle royal, this is a fun version of Tetris to be had.

#matt giguere #goty #gotggoty2019 #my friend pedro #untitled goose game #steamworld quest #baba is you #what the golf #sayonara wild hearts #ape out #katana zero #Fire Emblem Three Houses #tetris 99

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unquiched · 5 years

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Church

Virgil P.O.V.

T.W. Homophobia

Patton owed me, that was for sure. You don't just drag me out of bed at seven in the morning and expect me to dress up and smile. He didn't even let me put on eyeshadow, and without the gross exaggeration of my eyebags, I looked like I hadn't slept in a full month. Which I hadn't. What can I say? Tumblr gets me.

I groaned loudly and shifted in my seat. They didn't even have the decency to put cushions on these things.

Patton looked at me sternly. "Please be quiet, kiddo. Oh, and put your hood down."

I begrudgingly pulled my hood off of my head.

All I could do was sit and listen to Roman riffing the entirety of the opening song. Which only had like three notes in it.

An hour. Of just sitting. And standing. And sitting. We could be doing something productive, but Patton had gotten it into his head that this would be good for us. No one but me had disagreed. Roman saw it as a chance to show off his voice, Logan decided that the psychological benefits would outweigh the waste of time, and even Deceit had smirked at me and said, "I would hate to accompany you."

So here we were. All five of us, in this massive cathedral, listening to a random dude talk at us about God. I could literally think of nothing worse than this. Then, of course, it got worse.

The homily was supposed to be the most interesting part, or so said Logan. If you had a good priest, then the homily was funny, or relatable. Or something. It was the only part that had even a little bit attracted me. Yeah, that was a mistake.

Our priest started off okay. He said some stuff about the readings, and made some announcements. Then, it all went downhill.

"As I'm sure you all know, today is the first day of Pride Month."

I glanced at Roman. He was probably going to like this, and sure enough, he already had a grin on his face and a sparkle in his eyes. God, he was pretty. I wanted to look at him more, but his head moved slightly in the direction of my face, and I quickly looked away, flushing.

"And as you all know, being homosexual is a sin, punishable by stoning."

I looked at Roman again. His smile faltered.

"This is why, today, I will give any homosexuals listening the chance to repent. After mass, I will be holding a special reconciliation service for sinners. I would strongly encourage you to attend, and repent. Repent!"

I looked at my friends. Deceit was on his phone. Logan looked concerned. Patton looked slightly panicked. And Roman- well, Roman looked scary. I had never seen him like this. Pure rage filled his face, and his hands were balled into fists. I didn't know what he was planning on doing, but I didn't like it.

The priest was still rambling, every second looking more manic and deranged. I looked around at the church. A few people got up and left, and some people just looked around awkwardly. There were a couple looking angry, but no one as livid as Princey.

Patton was trying desperately to calm Roman down before he got up and impaled the minister with his rapier. Why he had a rapier, I didn't know. I suppose for occasions like this.

Then, the priest broke out the slurs.

Roman snapped. Not even Patton could stop him. I was expecting him to walk up there and beat the man with his own (huge) glasses, but he grabbed my hand- well, my hand through the hoodie- and dragged me with him. "What- wait, what are you doing?"

He didn't reply, just pulled me along with no chance of resisting. I was too anxious to even think about the fact that he was holding my hand- through the hoodie.

We made it up onto the sanctuary. He stomped his foot for attention, the sound reaching the back of the building.

The priest faltered. "Now, just what do you think-"

Roman didn't give him a chance to finish. He grabbed my face in his hands, looked me briefly in the eyes, and pressed his lips to mine.

My brain completely short-circuited. It took a whole three seconds to remember to kiss back, but when I did, boy, did I. I hooked my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. I was hyper-aware of everything. His hands around my waist. The slight pressure he applied on his right pointer finger. The high-pitched squeal which I was fairly sure came from Patton. I was probably blushing right through the pale foundation.

We stayed like that for almost twenty seconds when I had to pull back for air. I looked at him. His eyes were bright and alive and his face was just as beautiful as always. His sandy brown hair was a little messed up, but honestly, it just made him hotter. "R-roman... I-I-I..."

"Sorry," he whispered to me.

"W-why? That was... amazing."

A hesitant clap rose to a tremendous roar in a matter of seconds. I pulled the strings of my hood tight so no one could see my face. Roman was bowing in the middle of the platform. Doofus.

The priest looked like he was about to lose it. His face was contorted into the ugliest expression I had ever seen, and I couldn't help laughing. Then, he just kind of stormed out of the building. My face hurt from smiling. Well, that was a first.

A few hours later, it was time for our weekly Disney-a-thon. I was a little unsure that we'd have it, considering everything, but sure enough, at five-thirty on the dot, Patton dragged me out of my room, where I had been residing, daydreaming, all afternoon. I didn't really want to see Prince. I didn't want him to see that I had enjoyed the kiss, just in case it was just to prove a point. I don't know- anxiety works in strange ways. I was sure to apply a little extra foundation and my usual eyeshadow to hide any resulting blushing.

I flopped onto the couch, which was the farthest I could get from Roman, who was sitting in the chair across the room

Patton bounced around, setting everything up. He popped the DVD into our old DVD player, and grabbed the remote to play the movie, which happened to be Emporer's New Groove. It was one of my favorites, although I'd never tell anyone else that.

We were just at the part where Pacha was giving mouth-to-mouth to llama Kuzco when Patton stage-whispered to Logan, "Oh, weren't Roman and Virgil so cute? My kiddos are growing up."

"Shut up!" said Princey and I at the same time.

"Oops! Sorry, guys. Hey, I want popcorn."

Logan looked at him. "Yes- that would be perfect. Shall I assist you?"

"Sure!" Patton giggled.

They left. Quickly.

Deceit looked around awkwardly. "I- I think I will stay here," he said, slithering out of the room.

That left me and Roman alone. I knew this plot. I didn't want to fall for it, but I had to say something. Although, what I had in mind wasn't, "Why?"

Roman looked at me. "Hm?"

"Why did you kiss me? Was it just to prove your point?"

"Yeah," he said dryly, sitting up. "I kissed you for half a minute in front of two hundred people just to shut a homophobe up."

I looked at the ground, blushing. "O-oh."

He got up and strode over to me. "You know, for such a sarcastic person, you'd think you would know how to recognize it."

I looked up. His face was slightly pink, but otherwise, he was his usual confident self. "S-s-sorry?"

He grabbed my hand for the second time that day and pulled me up. I blushed even harder.

"You're so cute flustered," he said. And then he grabbed my collar and kissed me again.

I melted into his touch. His hands grazed the nape of my neck and then ran through my hair. I gasped a little. He laughed against my lips.

"I- stop."

He immediately pulled away, looking guilty. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No- oh God, no- I just want to be sure this isn't a one-time thing."

His face lit up. "You want us to be... boyfriends?"

I smiled a little. "If you want- yeah, that sounds nice."

"Well then! Virgil, can I have the honor of being your boyfriend?"

"Of course, you dork."

He pulled me in again and kissed me gently on my forehead.

"I,"

He kissed me on the cheek.

"Love,"

The other cheek.

"You,"

On the nose. I giggled a little, then flushed, embarrassed.

"Emo,"

On the nose again, to see me give the same reaction. I did.

"Nightmare."

And finally, on the lips.

And then, we heard a camera click.

#prinxiety #thomas sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #deciet sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #cute #fluff #first kiss #homophobia #oof #i wrote this like 6 months ago dont judge

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armorbirdpress · 4 years

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Armor Bird Reviews: Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom - A One-And-A-Half-Year Retrospective

If you have been following my writings and ramblings and original works and DeviantArt favorites for long enough, you'll know that I am unashamedly a dinosaur fan - I never outgrew the phase because despite what people have told me both online and off, palaeontology, like other sciences, is not specifically a child's thing - obviously dinosaurs are cool, but there is a lot of technical stuff that you'd need college degrees to understand in the field, too. While I certainly am a stickler for accuracy when it comes to dinosaur portrayals, however, I am also not ashamed to admit that I have a love for fictional portrayals of them as monsters, too. Jurassic Park, which was - for its time - pretty much a reconciliation between the "prehistoric monster" imagery of dinosaurs in popular culture and the latest discoveries about the actual fossil animals during its production, is my favorite movie of all time, partly for this reason and partly because there's a lot of depth and sophistication to it as well - a sophistication that modern movies seem to be utilizing less and less. Even the Jurassic Park franchise itself was not immune to this trend, and although it still remains my top favorite franchise of fictional media, the changing conceit of what audiences want in an entertaining film has dragged it along for as much of a long and bumpy ride as just about everything else Hollywood has to offer. Still, even in spite of it all, there are a lot of things to like about the sequels we got since that groundbreaking original - I'm admittedly one of those people who actually enjoyed Jurassic Park III, though in fairness I was too young upon first watching it to really pick it apart and analyze its numerous flaws, and I also heaped a lot of praise on Jurassic World upon my first review of it... in hindsight, perhaps a little generously. Although I won't pretend that everything since The Lost World (including TLW itself) is flawless and that the complainers are wrong, even the infamously controversial JP3 had some enjoyable moments in its own right, despite being seen by many as the worst installment of the franchise by quite a margin.

Which leads us to the most recent film of the franchise, 2018's Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom.

I had intended to review this movie for a good, long while - back when I was a more prolific writer I used to write film reviews shortly after seeing the movies in the theater, though schedule concerns have obviously made that too difficult. But there's a silver lining here, in that by not reviewing a film I've seen until much later (...well, much, much, much later as the case may be), I have the time to really sit down and think about what made the movie tick or not, and oftentimes have come down from my rush of excitement by the time I actually get off my tail and write the review itself. There are exceptions, of course, with certain films actually leaving me disappointed as soon as I left the building, but these cases are mercifully rare. I'm happy to say that despite being horrendously imperfect, Fallen Kingdom wasn't one of those cases. I was genuinely entertained by it more than 50% of the time - which is, for better or for worse, the highest compliment I can give the film because, as we shall see, in some ways it really is quite terrible.

As always with my movie reviews: SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT!

I watched Fallen Kingdom twice since its release - first in the theater at my home town, and then on rental DVD - and both times, my impression was the same: this movie, in retrospect, plays out much like a big-budget, cinematic fanfiction of the Jurassic Park films or even of Jurassic World (the latter of which I actually consider darkly hilarious for reasons that are highly specific to me exclusively, which you'd only understand if you know what I've written in the past - I'll get to that shortly). This is perfectly understandable, seeing as the director, screenwriter, and production crew have changed considerably from the team that helmed the original trilogy during the ten-year gap between JP3 and JW. Even if the work is canon, it's essentially someone else taking a look at the original franchise material, picking out what they liked about it, and building an original story off of it, oftentimes borrowing characters from the original work and inserting them in (most notably Rexy, and yes, I consider her as much of a character as the humans she menaced in the original movie). Across the board, in all kinds of franchises, this approach tends to fall flat if you don't know about the original work, though I do have to say that there was one very notable exception in the case of Jurassic World, that climactic fight scene with the Indominus rex, which is my favorite part of the movie even if it isn't entirely perfect. Now, I realize that I'm being a bit of a hypocrite by saying that these films are imperfect, because almost a decade ago, a friend and I co-wrote a megacrossover fanfic where Jurassic Park was the most prominent franchise by quite a margin (and didn't even start out that way to boot - my own selfish preferences caused elements of the franchise to slowly bleed in until a recycled plot of the second and third movies took over the whole thing). What makes it truly embarrassing to me is that the fic didn't even need the series' involvement in the first place, and my choice to shove it in anyway was one of the numerous factors that led to it going completely off the rails and turning into a tremendous tangled mess of clumsy writing and mishandled characterization, not just with JP itself but with almost all of the dozen other continua that got dragged in as well. Obviously, the fact that Fallen Kingdom is restricted by its very nature as a sequel to the one franchise only thankfully precludes the sheer absurdity of what my co-writer and I had inadvertently wrought back then, but upon rewatching the film I couldn't help but notice that in a few ways, it does ironically come off as being quite similar to my own old shame, albeit coincidentally, though it still earns points for choosing to be a Jurassic Park/World film and sticking with that conceit, rather than an entirely different film with JP elements shoehorned into it. I've harped on my stupidity as an immature fanfic writer back in the day for long enough, I think, but I felt this was worth mentioning regardless, because like the fic I touched upon above, this is a work I only started having issues with long after the fact, but these days I can't unsee these issues now that I've considered them.

One of the biggest things that stood out to me regarding Fallen Kingdom was that no matter how you slice it, it was trying to be two films at once, and had less time for both than most would have desired. The first half of the movie concerns Isla Sorna being destroyed by a volcano, and everyone trying to get the dinosaurs off of it before they are rendered extinct once again, with another island being noted as their new sanctuary (though of course, one of the antagonists quickly screws that plan over, but more on that later). You could easily make an entire film out of that - exploring the island one last time, dodging potential threats from both the volcano and the dinosaurs themselves, and coming to terms with the fact that not every creature can be saved, and that the end is coming for everyone eventually. The scene with the Brachiosaurus being overtaken by the eruption, with its plaintive wails and iconic rearing silhouette, is proof that such a moral could make a solid closing for this kind of movie, and heck, you could even have the subplot with the executives hoping to exploit the dinosaurs bleed into the movie until, at the very end, you get a scene where their true intentions with the animals are revealed as a sequel hook, rather than being resolved over the course of like half an hour or so in a rushed manner that gives people too little time to consider the implications. And this brings me to my next point.

Remember what I said about that dumb fanfiction I co-wrote having the elements I personally wanted more than my co-writer did slowly fester in true plot tumor fashion until they took over the entire story like literal cancer? As it turns out, what I witnessed in Fallen Kingdom wasn't quite as ridiculous, but kinda sorta similar in its own way. Obviously, Fallen Kingdom isn't so audacious (or ignorant of copyright laws and plain old common sense for that matter) as to let an entirely different franchise stage a gradual hostile takeover of itself, but the somewhat cliched plot of capitalist exploitation being the absolute worst roommate imaginable with a whole franchise's worth of temporally misplaced creatures that can and will kill you if you look at them funny - already done in both the original movie and TLW, and to some extent in JW as well, but still relatable in our current social climate even after so much repetition - still manages to... well, stage a gradual hostile takeover of the movie, and enforces itself in full force during the remaining third or so of the runtime. The antagonists, a pair of cartoonishly evil and somewhat flat executives, sabotage the plan so that the dinosaurs are diverted to the Lockwood Mansion instead of the sanctuary island, and then things escalate when the prototype Indoraptor is bought in and, inevitably, raises hell for everyone involved. As with my previous pitch, the idea of bidding wars over the dinosaurs and the moral debate over the ownership and exploitation of living creatures - something which does happen in the real world - could have made for something interesting, again, if the script wasn't so rushed. Continuing where the hypothetical sequel hook left off, we could open with a discussion between the villains about the implications of what they are doing, followed by the heroes having to deal with the ramifications of such actions along with the involvement of Dr. Wu, the Indoraptor, and of course Blue as a potential prize-winner. Of course this runs the risk of becoming the original Jurassic Park except on the mainland, and thus not really trying anything new, but it could at least give audiences the time to digest the film and appreciate the moments where it makes a genuine impact, even before the dinosaurs end up getting released into the mainland like what happened in the movie itself, complete with the insane amount of ramifications thereof. The Stygimoloch plowing its way through the bidders on its way to freedom was almost as cathartic for me to watch as the climactic fight in JW, and I wish it could've gotten more screentime, or even plucked up the guts to fend off the Indoraptor in a situation that doesn't seem forced, e.g. the hybrid and the Stiggy getting trapped in the same complex, or even Owen luring it over as backup (which is stupider but, given how he got it to bust him and Claire out in the movie itself, isn't entirely unreasonable). As for the Indoraptor itself, I feel like they could have done a bit better with its design, as even underneath the paint job and altered proportions it's still more or less "Indominus 2: Genetic Boogaloo", as I have called it at least once. Still, it has its own appeal as a monster design and, if it weren't for the presence of similar-looking creatures in previous installments of the series, it would certainly have made an impact as a monster. It's almost wolf-like in movement and mannerisms, even werewolf-like, which is intentional given the vintage horror movie homages the production team was going for. The way it menaces Maisie - who has her own set of plot-related craziness to her, but that's a can of worms I'd rather not open - makes you worry for her life, and even fear for Blue when she engages it in battle. I know I'm one of those who actually prefers antagonistic Velociraptors (the inaccurate variety from the films, not the smaller and fully feathered real-world version which I would absolutely take home with me if I could find a way to retrieve it from Cretaceous Mongolia and have it housetrained and okay I'll stop now), but Blue as always is awesome, and after seeing her actually manage to hold her own in her fight against the Indoraptor if only for a short while, there's no denying that anymore - even if that scene with her outrunning the explosion in the boiler room is a bit over-the-top even by the standards of this movie. There is of course no way a spectacle-driven, plaid-speed-paced romp like Fallen Kingdom could surpass the bar set by The Big One and the legendary kitchen scene, but on its own merits, the Indoraptor is a wonderfully serviceable and formidable threat that I just wish could've gotten more screentime and room to develop as a character, rather than just remaining as an unhinged killing machine that exists just to terrorize everyone before exiting the film (the same is true for all the dinosaurs here besides Blue, really, which is sad because, again, I much prefer when films develop monsters as characters rather than mere plot devices). With a little more design work to make him stand out more among the other critters in the franchise and more time to explore his nature, he could easily have become almost as iconic as The Big One as movie monsters go, or at least as much as the I. rex, though the latter bar is admittedly a good deal lower in the wake of how the movie industry has, ahem, evolved.

With that thought in mind, I will now spell out the biggest problem I had with this movie: the fact that it was trying to do so much in such a short space of time. Humorously and ironically, I know almost enough about the issues with my own writing to recognize the signs of that, with significant events being spaced too close to each other, too many characters at once (though admittedly, Zia and Maisie are a treat to watch, Franklin a bit less so but far from unbearable for my taste), and at least one questionable decision on the part of everyone at some point or another, up to and including the writers. There are a lot of things I liked, but not enough time for me to let them sink in, like I was being bombarded with one spectacle after another. It feels like overkill more than anything, and alas, far too many films in recent years have tried to shove that method into people's faces as though trying to say, "Here's your action, here's your fanservice, here's your whatever the whoopity-freaking-doo you consider entertainment, are you happy now?!" (Well, not quite as vitriolic and sarcastic, but you get the idea.) If the filmmakers and the owners of the franchise rights had been willing to accept four movies in the newer series rather than just three, and let Fallen Kingdom be broken up into two separate, slightly slower-paced movies, the problems with each individual portion would likely not have been as significant, and audiences would not have noticed them so readily. Sadly, though, the rapid-fire, dozen-blockbusters-a-year rush-job environment of the modern movie industry was not kind to this film, which is a crying shame. We need more movies that are more relaxed and subdued half the time, the way the original JP film was, and while audiences may have to take the time to once again get used to movies like that, I think it would be a welcome change of pace from the current influx of chaotic, nonstop slugfests and pyrotechnic displays we've become so familiar with.

In tl;dr form, it is with a heavy heart that I have to say that Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is, in fact, the worst film of the entire Jurassic Park franchise, even more so than JP3 - though don't get me wrong, as with JP3, I still very much enjoyed it as its own movie, as clumsily handled as it was at times (though even then, the movie itself isn't entirely at fault for it). There's a difference between a movie being the low point in its franchise and a low point among movies in general, a difference which a lot of reviewers need to understand before taking an undeserved dump over movies that could've been so much better if Hollywood had worked just a bit differently. You have to actually try to make a work of entertainment media I consider genuinely terrible, and it was actually a relief to me that even the lowest points of Fallen Kingdom still ranked somewhat midway between "meh" and "shakes hand eeeeehhhhhh" from my own subjective standpoint. I truly hope that the next and presumably final JP film will turn out for the better, especially given that Alan, Ellie, and Ian are all slated to have major roles in it, but I'm not going to dismiss Fallen Kingdom off the bat just because of the issues I have with its writing. If nothing else, it's a perfectly decent popcorn flick with prehistoric monsters in it - and hey, that was pretty much what everyone was there for, wasn't it?

Grading Scheme:

96 - 100: A+

93 - 96: A

90 - 92.9: A-

87 - 89.9: B+

83 - 86.9: B

80 - 82.9: B-

77 - 79.9: C+

73 - 76.9: C

70 - 72.9: C-

67 - 69.9: D+

60 - 66.9: D

Below 60: E

Grades:

Writing: 6

Characterization: 6

Pacing: 7

Creativity: 8

Consistency: 8

Cinematography: 9

World Building: 7

Music and Sound: 8

Effects: 10

Engagement: 9

Final Grade: 78 (C+)

#Armor Bird Reviews #Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

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missstormcaller · 5 years

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BLEACH JET Artbook Talk Vol 3 Translation (Q43-49)

ABOUT TITE KUBO HIMSELF

This section delves deeper into Kubo sensei's hobbies and tastes which harbour a diverse background ranging from the likes of music, architecture and product design, as well as addressing his personal mode of thought.

Q.43: Please tell us about your favourite architects and building structures. If you also have favourite cars, do let us know.

Kubo: I like Frank Gehry and Santiago Calatrava. Although there are various individuals I admire from among the likes of furniture designers and architects, the ones I like in particular also include Tom Dixon, Jaime Hayon and Marcel Wanders. I even took the liberty to borrow the name "Ulquiorra" from Patricia Urquiola whom I admired since the early days of the series. They're completely unrelated to my artistic style and such however. —— J: When did you start acquiring knowledge of things like architecture and music? Kubo: I've always liked doing so as a hobby, consequently I used to look at architecture magazines as a change of pace between drawing manga. —— J: I wonder what your favourite building structure within "BLEACH" could be? Kubo: Within the work, what I tried to draw more to appeal to my taste, is mostly the structures found in the Hueco Mundo area. I liked that I was able to produce an intimidating feel through their expansive, simple forms. But when it came to expressing their size, I found it rather difficult, many times I would draw buildings I wanted to scale up, it would work just fine if I could draw smaller structures in its vicinity, however, given that I ended up making Hueco Mundo a world filled with desert, nothing would exist in the surroundings to establish that size comparison (laughs). It was a struggle to express their size through the characteristic pure white walls alone. —— J: Do you have a favourite car? Kubo: I don't hold a license but if I earned one, what I think I would start wanting to purchase, is a car called the TVR Tuscan. However when I looked at reviews, I found that apparently it was difficult to handle, seems like a car that has a lot of quirks. Even if I had bought it, I would would be thinking "I guess this is impossible to drive huh." —— J: Is there a certain colour you would prefer? Kubo: I haven't made up my mind on a colour at all.

Q.44: Please teach us your method for improving concentration.

Kubo: I… don't have any powers of concentration. For 15 years I kept wondering how I could manage to concentrate, but I couldn't find a method (laughs). Therefore, I think people who lack concentration should try to work in a short span of time!

Q.45: Does the music that you listen to change depending on the mood or situation?

Kubo: I put pleasant sounding music on when I draw and it changes depending on the scene I'm depicting, therefore it's unrelated to things like my mood or situation. When I'm in good form, I choose music that makes me go something like "I'm really going to be in my element whilst listening to this!" but when I'm in a hurry or in poor form, I forget to put the music on and commence drawing instead, it remains like that all day long as I work in silence…. Even at such a juncture, music would be playing in my head more often than not, however, sometimes it unexpectedly shifts to a song that has no relationship at all with the scene I'm drawing, and then I lose momentum in the drawing process. Nevertheless, when it comes to results, there is no variation in my final piece. And that's regardless of whether or not I'm feeling good. By the time I've finished drawing, I'm not left with fatigue granted there's music. —— J: So when you're drawing a pensive scene for instance, you'd set the mood by playing a song with a pensive air about it…. Kubo: That would be the case only when I have breathing room, and only when I'm in good form. Basically, it would be depressing if I listened to gloomy songs on rainy days, so I don't (laughs). —— J: Do you not listen to music through the radio and such? Kubo: I guess I don't really listen to the radio. For a long time, I couldn't figure out how one would go about listening to a radio (laughs). —— J: You really aren't good with devices huh (laughs). Kubo: For a time, when I was still at my parents' home I would listen to music through the stereo, but due to the fact that the stereo I had purchased after moving out was foreign manufactured, I was unsure about how to receive radio signals. Therefore, I practically never listened to the radio since moving houses. —— J: Basically you put like a CD on for music then? Kubo: Things like CDs and MTV. Eventually I listened to iTunes internet radio among other things when it came to the later stages of the series. Since it was divided into genres, I was able to play things like metal or EDM. —— J: Are there any moments where you think "it seems I'm listening to these songs on repeat." Kubo: When I'm hooked on a song, I often listen to nothing but the same musician. I'd say something like "I'm only going to be listening to Avicii for this phase."

Q.46: If Kubo sensei had not made a debut as a manga artist, what profession does sensei think he would have been employed in (or would like to be employed in) instead?

Kubo: I think I would be dying by the roadside (laughs). —— J: Did you debut as a manga artist during your days as a student? Kubo: I was a student when I was connected to an editor, but I made my debut the year I graduated high school. From there I drew around 3 one-shots…. However I only got a serialisation approximately 3 years after that, so in that interval I was without any occupation, I remained at my parents’ house jobless (laughs). —— J: Were you planning to become a manga artist ever since you were a child? Kubo: It was my intention to become a manga artist from around the time I was an elementary school student, but I actually moved into action when I was in my 3rd year of high school. Although I wanted to become a manga artist beforehand, it seemed somewhat difficult, I was wondering whether it would be better to become an illustrator or something which appeared to be less demanding. Though in reality, being an illustrator would also be terribly difficult. However at the time of my career counselling in the 3rd year of high school, I thought "manga artist it is!" and after talking with my tutors, I began drawing manga.

Q.47: Has sensei ever thought "the talent of this person is amazing" with regard to a mangaka who is or was serialised in Jump?

Kubo: Since the series concluded, I've been reading Jump through a reader's frame of mind, so I think everyone is awesome (laughs). When it comes to that area I get the same sort of impression as an average reader's.

Q.48: What is the most important thing for a manga artist to consider?

Kubo: To enjoy the process of composing your manga!

Q.49: Is there a person you would love to have a conversation with?

Kubo: Well, there's no one in particular. I have never been one to talk much, and I don't know what I should talk about even when meeting someone who creates something I like. Even if I had met my favourite musician, I'd be unable to say anything but "I'm a huge fan!" —— J: So then, is there somebody you'd like to tell "I'm a huge fan" to? Kubo: Greg Graffin, the leader of the band known as "Bad Religion", would be that person, I admire him a great deal. It's down to the influence of this band that I even like poetry. My impression is that I grew to like poetry because I liked Bad Religion's song lyrics. —— J: That reminds me, Ichigo's theme song is "News From The Front" by Bad Religion isn't it? Kubo: That's right. It's not that Ichigo himself likes Bad Religion when it comes to his character configuration, but in the movie adaptation there was a Bad Religion poster stuck on the walls of his room (laughs).

#BLEACH JET #bleach artbook #JET ARTBOOK #BLEACH #mytranslationtag #Tite Kubo #interview #ulquiorra cifer #ichigo kurosaki #Bleach live action

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jira-chii · 5 years

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AF Alice Rank

In the AF Alice rank, Sakura (who plays Alice) tries to revive her theatre group using a magic key.

This post also includes an unnecessarily long analysis of the theatre group series in general.

Shichirin (I really hope I am pronouncing this right), was a famous theatre group, renowned for doing plays of popular fairy tales, whose members all turned into tamashii when Lost happened. Sakura seeks out Chihiro, hoping she will lend her an artefact (AF) that will help her find the missing members.

As it so happens, the Magic Key was recently completed. This powerful AF has the ability to transport its user anywhere they can visualise, by bending the space around them and creating a “door” which is basically a teleportation portal. However it requires a tremendous amount of willpower to control, and, as a tamashii has never used an AF until now, Chihiro has justifiable concerns.

But a Magic Key sounds perfect for a girl who plays Alice, and Sakura assures her she will be able to control it.

Ofc she doesn't, as Takuya and Yuki find out when they are asked to investigate a tamashii that has gone berserk.

Throughout the quest, we see various flashbacks of Alice with the rest of Shichirin, emphasizing how much she loves being in the group, and everyone in it. First, Kanzou (who plays Captain Hook), remarks that she will probably be good enough to replace him as the face of the theatre group soon. Then, Sakura stays back after normal hours to practise more after receiving some advice she got from Kuroe (who plays Tinkerbell). Her enthusiasm cause the other members to also stay back: Yoshiki (Playing Card) and Chizu (Queen of Hearts).

It's very obvious Alice loves the group and that's why she wants to revive them. But just the act of wanting isn't enough. As Chihiro explains when she catches up to us, Sakura’s image of where she wants to go is not strong enough; to make the key obey, Sakura needs to think about not just the act of reviving the group, but also what she wants to do afterward (seems very similar to the predicament of another character in main story). Essentially, the key needs her to have a clear vision of the future in order to behave.

Chihiro also informs us Sakura was close to another actress named Kaede, and apparently they made a promise just before Lost happened. It’s likely to be a clue to making the key behave, but it looks like Sakura has forgotten about the promise after the shock of turning into a tamashii.

We actually did see Kaede in one of the flashbacks. Kanzou didn't want Sakura practising when she should have been taking a break like the others, but he also wanted to acknowledge the work she was putting into her role. So he gives her tickets to see a different production of Alice in Wonderland, by a theatre group called Futaba.

Kaede is the actress of this other Alice. She sees Sakura practising late at night and decides to join her. Sakura praises her for her performance, but Kaede has doubts about her acting, something Sakura can relate to. They decide to practice together.

One day Kaede asks Sakura what she would do if her group hypothetically dissolves. Unlike Shichirin, Futaba is a small theatre group and so such a possibility is always looming over them. After some thinking, Alice replies with “I’ll revive them”, and Kaede agrees she would have given a similar answer. To both Alices, their theatre groups are like family: warm, fun and full of the people they love.

Kaede remarks that every time Sakura talks about Shichirin her eyes light up.

Kaede then says she’d like to see Sakura’s ultimate performance of Alice some day. Sakura makes a promise then and there that she will show Kaede her best Alice performance, as well as her beloved theatre family.

Sakura remembers the promise after some prompting from Yuki.

"That’s right, I made a promise! I can’t stop here!"

She gets the key to work, and awakens it by using it on us. Then she heads off to revive Shichirin.

"After I revive Shichirin, you guys should come watch our performance too!"

In the epilogue Chihiro apologises to Kirihiko. She had no idea the key would go crazy like that, although Kirihiko says Sakura’s will was actually quite powerful and she was able to contain the chaos very well.

Also, we get a hint that Kirihiko might know something more about the Shichirin tamashii?

"So, it’s the Shichirin theatre group. As expected of a member of the workshop I scouted out myself, you’ve selected a great tamashii."

Much Thinking about Nothing

On the topic of this quest, I’d like to take this chance to talk a bit (sorry I actually mean, a lot) about the theatre group in general, which is something I’ve been wanting to do for a while now. Because I feel these series of quests subtly shows just how clever the writers of this game are.

The theatre group Shichirin, comprised of a bunch of actors and actresses in costume, is one of the more distinguishable set of characters in Shoumetsu Toshi. They were a famous group, reknowned for their engaging plays. But they were bought out by the circus group Anglermain (sorry if I spelt that wrong) and were involved in Lost shortly after that.

Prior to this rank, the only way you would know anything about them is through their advents (a rotating set of quests that are available to almost all players. There are two types: ones that give evolution materials, and ones that give you the tamashii. Shichirin advents are the latter).

Overall the main gist of the series is: Yuki and Takuya are investigating the theatre members to figure out what their last performance was going to be on before Lost. Was it Peter Pan? Or was it Alice in Wonderland? (who really cares tbh. Also they never find out.)

The Shichirin advents have a unique structure:

Sakura has a weird conversation with one of the NPC characters (like Geek or Researcher). She is actually just reciting her lines as Alice but they think she is actually talking to them for real.

Gameplay bit. Takuya and Yuki search for one of the members of Shichirin, and then fight them.

After defeating them, we see a flashback of them talking to Sakura off-stage. It hints at internal politics but as it’s “adult’s business” they tend to leave Sakura out of it.

I’m gonna give my thoughts on each of these, and then relate what we know back to the ranking.

1. Sakura’s convos as Alice are meta af

As mentioned, Shichirin advents begin with NPCs like Geek and Headhunter mistaking Sakura reciting her lines as Alice for actual conversation. The surreal miscommunication can insult, intrigue, confuse and bring new perspectives to them, highlighting the bizarre meta nature of storytelling, dialogue and words in general. Are Alice’s lines just gibberish? Or do they contain a more profound hidden meaning?

The interaction is multilayered, and can be viewed in many ways. First is the interaction between a “child” and an “adult”. For example, Scientist/Eiji dismisses her as a child for who a great scientist like him has no time for. But then she poses the question (or rather, recites her line): How is a dog and table similar? Scientist has something like an epiphany: “Wow I had never considered a perspective like that.” Then ironically when Sakura leaves he wants to chase after her to spend more time probing deeper into her mind.

The other example I like is Headhunter interpreting her words as accusing him of being greedy, which is really more a reflection about how he thinks of himself than anything else. Here we see a parallel between the “innocent” child who knows nothing of the real world, and the jaded adult who knows he is flawed, but also knows there is nothing he can do about it. In fact, Sakura’s innocence is also a key theme in the story of the theatre group, but I’ll come back to that.

Sakura is just an actress, so her lines actually don’t mean anything. But to her audience, they can get many different interpretations depending on their own personal context. It’s very similar to the nature of theatre and storytelling in general. Anyway, it’s all incredibly meta which is why I love it so much (for those who care, my favourite Shakespeare play is Hamlet for the same reason).

The other little thing I appreciate about this beginning section of each of quest is how Sakura’s lines suggest a nickname for everyone. E.g. Geek is Humpty Dumpty and Researcher/Yumiko is Caterpillar (for which she takes huuuge offense). There is probably a deeper meaning to these too, but again, different people will have different interpretations. That’s just the beauty of theatre.

Speaking of different nicknames, let’s talk about the actual tamashii themselves.

2. Every cast member has two names

Shichirin tamashii take on the name of their role (e.g. Tinkerbell, Queen of Hearts, Captain Hook. This also applies to Sakura/Alice, who isn’t even an advent tamashii). The first time we meet them in the advents, they are in costume and behaving just like the character they are acting as. It really is just like interacting with the actual character from the fairytale. It is also a good indication of how passionate they are toward acting, to have their tamashii show forms like that.

So it feels like a very abrupt change when, in the flashbacks at the end of the quest, we see them using their real names (which, until now, we've never seen used anywhere else). Sometimes their personality completely changes too (just like real actors). Thus, there is a clear distinction between what happens “on-stage”, and “off-stage”.

This ranking quest capitalises on that by almost exclusively using everyone’s real names. And this really highlights that these are actual people with authentic interactions. Maybe it is because they behave so differently from when they are on-stage, that their relationships seem so genuine. It gives the feeling of watching a “behind-the-scenes” of a movie or something. And by only seeing things through Sakura’s viewpoint, we get the sense that this is a very close-knit family, without even seeing any of their faces.

3. Something foul is at play within Shichirin

Sakura’s feelings for her fellow cast members, her family, are definitely genuine. However there is a lot she doesn’t know about the happenings off-stage, hinted at in the advents. The overly positive way she announces she will “revive Shichirin” at the end of the ranking also does not bode well.

In the advents, Sakura is treated like an innocent child who knows nothing about the true world of adults. Which I guess by proxy means we don’t really know what’s going on either. There’s something about “taking sides” (Alice in Wonderland vs Peter Pan?), the possible dissolution of the group, and, by far the most interesting, the eventual sale of the group to the circus group (and front for the organisation) Anglermain.

Kirihiko’s words at the end of rank seem to be foreshadowing that we may learn more about Shichirin in the future.

Lastly, can I just say I’m really glad they finally explained Kaede, because having two tamashii called Alice had me confused for so long.

#Shoumetsu Toshi #af #alice #analysis

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secret-rendezvous1d · 6 years

Text

For When You’re Missing Me.

NO REQUEST.

This is just something that the smut side of my brain decided to spring upon me, late at night, having stumbled upon a particular video that sparked the idea. My first piece of smut writing for 2018 (I know it’s almost mid-2018 but... deal with it) and, hopefully, the first of many, many more to come this year. Some WIPs that I’ve been working on and have been sitting in my drafts for some time, some new stories that conjure up in my brain, some old requests that have been sitting in my inbox for months and months, and some stories I’ve been promising for a while but haven’t quite gotten around to writing yet.

I’m trying out something new with this piece. Smut is usually a very quick scene that I write. Limited detail. Rushed in some areas. When it comes to smut, the dialogue side of things is something that I’m not so good with, so I hope this suffices and doesn’t make the story too... cringe.

WARNING: THIS IS A MATURE PIECE OF WRITING. PURE SMUT. ALL FILTH. SOME MATURE LANGUAGE USED AND MATURE SCENES. PLEASE READ IF YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH READING THAT KIND OF STORY.

Feedback would be insanely appreciated.

IDEA BASED ON THIS VIDEO, HERE.

Word Count; 12k+ (what the hell?)

Enjoy. xx

Harry loved his job.

He loved that he was living the dream that he had as a child. The dream he told his mother about, the dream that his father was willing to help pursue, the dream that his grandparents became the biggest supporters of, the dream that his sister never made fun of him for and the dream that his friends always spoke so positively about. When teachers at school asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, what he wanted to do when he left school, he would tell them he wanted to be a singer. A performer who was known for the good times he threw in front of thousands of fans every night, in venues that his idols performed in and in venues that held hundreds of people, working his way to the top until he was performing in front of thousands and thousands of fans. Like a future Mick Jagger. The modern day Elvis Presley. The male version of Stevie Nicks. A singer who wanted to be known for singing his favourite songs, for supporting the biggest campaigns and participating in charity events that were broadcast all over the UK, singing his own songs, putting across strong messages and creating an atmosphere that people enjoyed being in, that they felt safe in; because he’d been to concerts as he grew up and he’d been to places that had live bands and live musicians showcasing their own work and he wanted to do that, too.

He loved that his dream career had become his full-time career. In the space of 5 years, he’d gone from someone who worked in a bakery on Saturday’s and studied during weekdays to someone who was receiving number one singles and awards that he had earned with his friends and cracking every continent on the planet. No longer having to sing on a karaoke machine in the living room and no longer driving his family insane from singing the same song on repeat, no longer having to participate in school talent shows with White Eskimo, no longer having to ask people for the truth about how good they thought he was because he had the stamp of approval from one of music’s highest moguls, no longer being asked to perform at family or friend’s or family friend’s weddings and social gatherings during a twenty-minute slot assigned for entertainment, and no longer needing to work hard to be seen by a talent scout that his school had brought by or to be noticed by someone who might offer him the chance of a lifetime because it as clear that he was already there. He was at the top of the chain of musicians, in a band that was widely spoken about and had become a household name, up at the top of the list with artists he had grown to love as a young boy, during family road trips and playing on the record player on a Sunday afternoon - and he fucking loved that.

He loved that his life now consisted of singing and meeting fans who had waited ages for One Direction to step foot on their land, who had brought tickets to see them and were the real reason they were at the top of the chain of musical artists, and he loved that he was given the opportunity to travel all over the world because every day of his life was a day where he was introduced to somewhere new, introduced to someone new, introduced to a world that he was still so fresh in. Exploring the countries he’d always wanted to go to but never had the privilege as a child, taking in the sights that he’s always wanted to see but could only see them in geography books and magazines, that he’d learnt about in primary school geography and begged his mother to take him to, and being able to turn into a tourist during his days off with a camera, brought with his own income, as he documented every place he stumbled upon to keep as memories for the future. To share with his future children and his future grandchildren so he could be the grandfather who told the most wicked stories, ever. From quaint towns in the mountains that were barely populated with 100 people to sweet villages that were brimming with life and sold homemade treats and trinkets and made him feel peaceful and relaxed. Because relaxing days off weren’t so common for him anymore and he liked to the cease every chance he got to be himself. Where he didn’t have to worry about his name being whispered around.

But the one thing he hated - and it was only the one thing - was sleeping in beds and staying in places that just weren’t home.

To anyone else, they would snicker at the double entendre.

And he would simply tut and shake his head and show his unamused distaste of being someone’s act of entertainment because of what modern day society had done to people’s pure minds.

Harry Styles, the teenage boy who had grown up with all the looks and the charm, who was the womaniser of the most prestigious and popular boyband, hated hooking up with the women? Who hated taking advantage of his status and turned down all the women who fell at his feet and purely stuck his nose up at the idea of waking up in unfamiliar territory. Beds that were far too unfamiliar for him, in a part of the city that he never planned on visiting, in rooms that he’d never seen in his life and knew, from the smell and the feel of the sheets and the atmosphere of the room, that was far, far away from his hotel rooms.

But to everyone else, from his family to the woman he adored and loved to share a bed and a home with to his close best friends and commonly aquatinted mutuals, it was far from something amusing and much rather something that was completely understandable. That was met with nods, a clap on the shoulder, and Everyone knew he liked his own comfort and you, for first hand experience, knew he liked to be in places he was entirely familiar with. YN knew he found it awkward to sleep in beds that he hadn’t slept before - he struggle the first night he slept in hers - and she knew that he liked his own personal space and a room that was all him - or had aspects that were him, whether it be a deodorant bottle on the vanity or a pair of shoes tucked into the corner or a bottle of fresh cologne beside her perfume bottle. That he felt more at home when he was staying in a place that was considered as home.

The hotel in Seattle couldn’t have been further from what felt like home.

The room was small, and he didn’t need to strain his neck to look around, and it was perfectly fitting for just one person - it was a single room, to be honest - with a couple of windows that were smeared with cleaning products, having been wiped after the last person who had stayed in the room, and a view of the hotel pool rather than overlooking the skyline. Which was a view he liked to see when he woke up in the mornings and when jetlag kept him awake at nights; seeing people sunbathing just never felt right to him. It wasn’t like any other hotel he’d slept in before... not that he was materialistic and thought he was worthy of 5 star rooms that looked like apartments and was double the size of his girlfriend’s flat. He didn’t mind not having luxurious rooms fit for royalty because he was happy to have a roof over his head and bed to sleep in for the night. The bed had a squeaky mattress that was too solid for him to lay comfortably upon, it didn’t have his body imprint left behind for him to find as he rolled around and shuffled under the duvet that covered him, and it didn’t have a pillow that completely swallowed the back of his head and gave him intense comfort. It didn’t have the intoxicating smell of his girlfriend lingering in the small space around it, the room didn’t hold them fruity smell of her body spray and it didn’t emit warmth like his bed did back home. The sheets were itchy and scratchy against his bare skin, far from the soft cotton that clung to his own king-sized mattress, and the duvet cover felt like paper... and, if he was being honest, he was sure the pillow had crumpled balls of paper pushed into the pillowcase to fill it out because the pillow didn’t quite succeed its purpose. His feet hung over the end and he knew he needed to curl up to ensure his toes didn’t get cold through the night, only putting pressure on the small of his back and creating kinks that would become trouble throughout his busy days, that might potentially cause him to be winded on stage during a performance. The floor looked like something from a motel in horror movies and it was scratchy beneath the surface of his feet and the light shades were old-fashioned and shaped like overturned tulips.

He missed London and he missed his own home and he missed his own comforting environment more than he had ever done before.

Harry dropped his wallet, his key-card and his phone, encased in a pink and rubbery case, upon the small table beside the en-suite bathroom door, sighing heavily as he dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. Wiping away the sleep that made them feel like they had slits slashed across them with the burning blade of a knife and aiding to the ache that lingered because, even though he felt tired and knew he would probably drop off as soon as his head hit the pillow, his adrenaline-fueled mind just hadn’t quite caught up with the rest of him yet. His suede boots becoming heavy upon his feet, weighing down every step he took and causing him to scuff with each footstep that took his further into the room, as he toed them off and kicked them in the direction of his suitcase.

Outside his room, and scuffing down the corridor, he could hear the rowdy chatter and the heavy footsteps and the cackling laughter belonging Louis and Niall as they made their way to their rooms - Liam having travelled back with Sophia, as soon as the after-show excitement had come to its gradual end - discussing the events of the night, reminiscing on how the show had gone for them and expressing their feelings in how they couldn’t wait to explore the city of Seattle on their day off, the next day, before a late-night flight to Vancouver. Because, as sad as it was to think about, it was the last time they would be exploring the state as a group.

Oh, and that was another thing that Harry hated about his job.

Not necessarily hating it all of the time (because he felt so privileged by it) but hating it most of the time; exploring the cities that One Direction were lucky to perform in, taking in the sights around and learning never-before-heard facts that were fascinating to have stumbled upon, without the one person he wanted to have by his side, snapping candids and capturing the moment with a camera - his girlfriend. Always promising to take her anywhere she wanted to go, anywhere she wanted to explore, to be anywhere in the world that caught her eye, so she could say she’d been there. He felt like he was cheating her, as silly as he sounded, and he was making promises that he knew would take a long while before he fulfilled them.

He crouched down beside his suitcase, toes cracking underneath his weight, and pushed open the top after having left it foolishly unzipped when he was in a haste to leave the room after giving in to Niall’s consistent bangs against the door of his room when he was in charge of making sure they were all meeting in the lobby on time, letting it fall to the floor with a rattle. Zips clinking together. His neatly packed case making him rather frustrated, because he would only need to re-pack it neatly for the journey to the next city, as he rummaged around for a clean pair of boxers and a tee shirt to sleep in; usually, and rather frequently, he would sleep in the shirt that he had performed in (because YN wasn’t there to steal it from him), but, the grey material was soaked with sweat and clung to his back in an uncomfortable manner. Like a second skin that covered his torso. And as much as it hadn’t bothered him at the time, it was beginning to make him feel gross. The shower calling his name, his hair, that was almost instantly tied up in a bun before the journey back to the hotel, begging for a wash, and his back screaming to be rid the discomfort that he chose to ignore - he could freshen up tomorrow.

As he slung a clean shirt over his shoulder, he discovered an envelope.

A white envelope, that was no bigger than the stretched out palm of his hand, tucked in between a suede boot and his gym trainers - the ones that he knew his girlfriend hated but wore them anyway because they were comfy and felt light on his feet as he jogged on a treadmill and threw a few punches at a personal trainer’s mitts - keeping it as flat as possible. Fresh boxers draped over his shoulder, brushing over his cheek, as his nimble fingers pulled the paper from the contents of his case. His name was written in a beautiful cursive script, right in the middle with a couple of ‘x’s underneath, accompanied by a lipstick kiss pressed to the corner in his favourite shade - a magenta that was bold and prominent and smeared a little at the corners.

His finger tore open the seal and he immediately hit another piece of paper that had been folded once and then once again and, knowing his girlfriend like the back of his hand, probably folded a final time to keep it as secure and as tight as she could have possibly made it. Something heavy settled in the corner and capturing his mind with curiosity; it was definitely from his girlfriend, definitely addressed to him, but what on earth could she be giving to him?

A note...

... and an SD card belonging to one of her cameras.

Harry,

 If you’re reading this then you’ve found my little surprise!

I didn’t tell you about what I had planned for you because I knew you’d go looking for it - I know you and you just can’t resist yourself - so I wanted you to find it by yourself, when you were least expecting it.

I don’t know how long it took for you to find it, I don’t know where you’re reading this, what country you’re in or what the time is, I don’t know when you’re reading this or under what circumstance, but what I do know is that you’re missing me more than you thought you would. Don’t lie to me. I’m missing you, too. So, I hope my little surprise will make you miss me a little less. Regardless of when you’re reading this, I’ll see you very, very soon and I’m really looking forward to that.

Make sure you lock whatever room door you’re behind, make sure you’re alone, make sure you’re not going to have any interruptions and make sure you have no plans that will coincide with what I have planned for the next fifteen to twenty minutes... maybe longer... depending on how things go. Enjoy yourself because this is something special, made by me, that is just for you. JUST FOR YOU. No one else. For your eyes only. (And I mean that, too).

 I adore you. Always.

 Love you. xxxx

He tipped it over and let the SD card drop into the middle of his palm. Fogged plastic landing upon his skin, blurring out the label of the black-coloured SD card, with a scribbled heart drawn in the middle with a red Sharpie. A red pen that was, without a doubt, from the collection in his office that he had hidden in his drawer that had the sole purpose on making changes in his schedules and for writing on demo CD’s to be sent off to different artists who had requested his help in songwriting or to be given to his management office across the pond so they could listen to what he’d been working on and to see and hear the well-thought out title of a single that he wanted in the charts. A pen collection that he would always find in her office but hadn’t ever gotten upset over because she always did something so wonderfully colourful with them.

And he wasted no time in rummaging around for his laptop. Whatever was on that SD card, whatever he was going to be met with upon the screen and whatever she was going to be surprising him with was something that got him excited. Tingling from the inside out. Whatever was happening on social media and whoever was tagging him in tweets and in Instagram posts, whatever was making his phone buzz and whoever was sending him messages and making his notifications go crazy, yeah... they can wait, he thought. Butterflies erupting in his gut, fluttering around and tickling all around, pulsing blood through his veins.

Perching down on the end of the neatly-made bed, which made him feel slightly guilty because he’d left the bed in a right mucky state when he’d woken up that morning, he used his teeth and one hand to open the card holder whilst balancing the base of his laptop upon his thighs, using his free hand to open the lid, to type in his password and to direct the mouse to the bottom left corner.

It was was so close to being known and he was expecting something that was from both sides of the spectrum.

On the one hand, he was expecting something sweet and adorable, something that screamed YN. Like a little montage of photos and videos that she’d taken and managed to find from their shared iCloud, putting them all together into a digital photo album, with a song that meant a lot to them (one that they sung together, that they played in the car, that they hummed during dinner, that they always turned up when it came on the radio), with a sappy message at the end that, annoyingly, made him cry. She said it would make him miss her a little less and that would definitely work... but it would also make him miss her a little more than he liked to admit to anyone. Even to her.

But, on the other hand, it could have been a cheeky montage of photos that she’d taken, without his knowledge, that ranged from nudes to lingerie shots to close-up selfies that looked incredibly realistic to her ‘Harry’s just fucked me really rough’ face. A face that had a mix of her mascara and her tears running down her cheeks, hair matted to her forehead with sweat and her lipstick smeared across her lips and the underside of her nose - his favourite look.

He squinted at the screen to see the title.

JUST WANT UR COCK BUT THIS WILL HAVE 2 DO

What will have to do? What was he about to see? To witness?

What was this surprise?

He cautiously double-clicked on the small folder that appeared once he pushed the card into the slot at the side of his laptop, his eyes darting nervously from the bright screen to the door of his hotel room, silently praying that Paul, or anyone from the crew, didn’t walk in to tell him “light’s out, big guy. Busy day tomorrow”. A paused screen going straight to full-screen mode, showing the smiling face of his girlfriend, who was half-naked and had one of his button-up shirts covering her exposed breasts. Her nipples erect and almost tearng through the material.

“’ello, my sweet peach.”

He grinned widely, on instinct, because he’d really missed her voice. Hotel rooms sounded eery when she wasn’t there to fill the silence with her cackles and her garbage talk about why pigeons looked the way they did or how planes managed to stay in the air despite being made from metal - he hated those types of conversations but had really grown to miss them when they weren’t there to drive him insane.

“Wait, no. That sounded weird. Sweet peach. Let me start this again. Sorry.”

He chuckled lightly when the screen went black, cutting off from, what he imagined was, a mistake that she had left in for humours sake that was there just to make him laugh. The seconds still ticking away at the bottom of the screen and he chose to sit and patiently wait. Her face, no longer than a couple of seconds more, soon appearing back on his screen. Closer than it was beforehand, with the buttons of his shirt, that were done up to help keep her breasts covered, now unbuttoned and allowing the flaps to open with each movement she made.

“Hi, mister. Hey. Hello... ohhh, yeah, that felt so much better. Nice and simple.”

He snorted; he wanted to say he loved her little, out-of-the-blue nickname because ‘Peaches’ was a newfound pet name she was experimenting with, just a little personal something between the two of them before she took to using it in the world outside, but, if he had to be honest, he preferred her second attempt. It was sweet and natural and very YN.

‘Mister’ was what she called him on a regular basis, had been since their first date, whether it be to sweet-talk him or when it casually slipped out during a conversation at breakfast or from beneath the shower, and it had slowly become on of his favourite nicknames for himself. A difference from the common H or Haz that his friends called him.

‘Missus’ slowly becoming part of his vocabulary just so he could match with her. So they could be that cheesy couple who had the cute nicknames and made their friends gag dramatically in their presence but fawn over them in the distance.

“I’m guessing that, since you’re watching this, you’re all alone and in an empty hotel room and feeling a little lonely and missing me, yeah? You found this in your luggage, realised you missed me, and just wanted to see what I had for you, is that right? I imagine you’re feeling a little horny, too? Since you saw the title. And you just want me there, sucking you off, making you cum, and making you feel good, right? It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“A long while,” he mumbled to himself, gulping thickly as he pressed pause, and released a deep sigh. The door needed to be locked and he needed to be naked, if not completely than definitely, from the waist down. This wasn’t a case of slipping his hands into his pants and trying to be discrete about the whole thing; he was on his own, and he would be till morning, and he had no need to worry about being interrupted with someone who was eager to see him. With her looking like that, dressed in his clothes, with a sultry voice being used to talk to him, he had a feeling this wasn’t something that was quiet, meant to be soft and made just to make him cry. “A really long while.”

He stood up from the mattress, discarding his laptop to the side of him, as he unbuttoned his black jeans on the way to lock the door, grabbing a ‘do not disturb’ sign on his way passed the small table that he bumped into upon both of his arrivals into the room that day, sticking his head out of the door as he hung it on the handle. Grinning to himself because if anyone noticed, he would be ridiculed and teased. He wouldn’t mind what they thought though. He didn’t think any one else, from the crew to the boys to the strangers who walked passed in the night, had a loving partner as surprising and as thoughtful as his own and, deep down, he liked how jealous he would be making them.

He shimmied out of his jeans, letting them pool at his ankles as he stepped out of them and left them in the middle of the room, his sweat-soaked t-shirt soon joining the black denim. Hobbling around on one foot as he tugged off his socks and threw them over his shoulders, not particularly fussed about where they landed, darting to the window to pull the sheer curtains to a close. Almost succumbing the room to complete darkness if it wasn’t for the yellow glow that emitted from the lamp on the bedside table - he could deal with that. Tugging off his boxers and leaving them on the floor, closer to the bed than his other garments, he situated himself against the headboard because, over the many years of having to have solo orgasms when his cock wouldn’t soften and wanking until he could no longer wank, he’d found that was the most comfortable position to be in.

Using his foot to reach for his laptop, pulling it close with the arch of his ankle and leaving it be on the empty side of the bed, stretching out his thumb to press the space-bar. Her voice, yet again, filling the quiet room.

“I thought I’d treat you to a little something special,” was the first thing she said when the video continued, “so consider this as my way of apologising for not being able to travel with you on the first few legs of your last tour with the boys. Should’ve tagged along, really. I bet you’re having a great time though. With all the lads, having lad fun and being all lad-y. Although you’ll probably tell me you aren’t because you miss me and want me with you because you always enjoy having me around. I think that might be something to do with me being your personal groupie though. Going to all the shows, squeezing in a shag in afterwards, but never saying goodbye to me because I’m your girlfriend and I’m always there in the mornings.”

He smiled a little, shyly amused, and dropped his chin to his chest; she found humour in reading about his X Factor days and how 16-year old Harry was a little bugger when it came to the ladies. Comparing him to the Harry she knew because she could see that näive teen streak, showing at times but remaining hidden, still inside him. He knew she had stumbled - well, she says stumbled but he knows there was more to it than her coming across it during her time in the toilet - upon an old story, about him and Zayn and a couple of girls who had followed them around on the duration of their very first tour. Finding it funny to use “Christabelle Riley” when she felt annoyed with him or when she wanted to be downright annoying to him or when she wanted to make him squirm because she was in one of her playful moods. The name being one that he wished she’d drop because it was something about his past he wished to forget all about - he was a serious artist. Wanted to be taken for more than just his ‘groupie’ past.

“Do you remember that gift you brought me a while back? For my birthday? The one that you had to hide away from the rest of the presents, in the corner of the garage, because our parents were there?”

Sybian - that’s what the website said it was called.

And how could he forget about it? It would be impossible to. He had never heard of one before, let alone seen one, so he almost spunked in his pants when he stumbled upon it. On the dark side of a website specifically for sex-toys, different bottles of lube and specially-made lingerie that weren’t just to look good on the body but were also made to help encourage the feeling of pleasure - pouches in the knickers, vibrating knickers, role-play outfits of all sorts and latex garments that accentuated every curve of it’s wearer. Having ordered it at a time when he couldn’t spunk in his pants; when he had a spare few minutes from doing a chunk of recording in the recording booth, when Jeff was out on a call from his father and his band were out getting a bite to eat, having promised to bring him a sandwich and a water from the shop on the corner.

“Well, I’ve only used it once, just to test it out, and I thought it would be a perfect piece of footage to give to you, whilst you’re away, so that you have a little piece of me as to not miss me so much. Something sexy so you don’t need to stare at photos or watch porn. I see your web history after you say you’re ‘going for a nap’, you dirty prick.”

He feels his cheeks heat up.

Even though she knew that he was a avid watcher of amateur porn videos and even though she knew he turned to Pornhub when he was having difficulties feeling satisfied, he still felt embarrassed when she called him out on it. Having been caught one afternoon, when she was supposed to be spending the whole day with his mother, with his hand around his cock and a body that was spread out on the bed with clothes all over the floor, as he watched an amateur teen having the time of her life with a vibrator as she spoke dirtily to the man to the side of the frame, she hadn’t let him live it down. She watched him, she watched the video, and she waited for him to finish before she made her presence known and his face was purely picture-perfect. His mouth in the shape of an O, his eyes wide and watering at the corners, his cheeks heated and flushed, his hair completely tousled after he’d tugged and pulled his strands and his thighs were still quaking. Picture. Bloody. Perfect.

“It makes a difference from all those other videos that I send to you, as well. The ten second Snapchat stories or the grainy iPhone camera videos that you get to see when you wake up. The is done on my proper camera. My blogging camera. Professional and all that. And, unless you lose this SD card, it’s just yours and no one elses. It won’t get leaked, it won’t get downloaded, and my modesty, and my dignity, will forever be in tact. My boobs are yours to see. Not the world. And, as much as I love the toys we have and the dildo’s you’ve brought me that are all shaped like you, this has to be one of my favourite things to play with. So, thank you for buying it for me. We can both have some fun with this.”

Riding a prick was something that he didn’t think about too often. Of course, he’d explored around as a teenager and he’d slipped a finger in and what have you, had the opportunity to find what really got him going, but having a cock sit heavy in a place that burned with the thickness of a finger was something that he wasn’t desperate to try. That wasn’t on the top of his fantasy list. It was something that he’d brought just for her to use when she was missing his body to straddle rather than penetrating his hole that was foreign in the act of anal and had only been visited once in the past... by her tongue and a thumb and forefinger.

The memory, on its own, was enough to make him shudder. A good shudder, of course. The kind that came from something that felt really good, really pleasurable and came from something that had good intentions behind it, and he knew that experimenting around would bring him immense pleasure.

“Tonight, from me to you, I’ll be riding this.”

He felt his cock twitch when she jazz-handed as a way to show it off, involuntarily and almost reflexive against his stomach, much like it did when she happened to be wearing something that got his motor running or did something that he found rather enticing - like it did when she hunched over in front of him and allowed him the chancing moment to peek down her top and to stare at her boobs cupped so delicately by a pale-yellow bra or when she purposefully bent over in front of him and gave her bum a wiggle because she knew he couldn’t let the moment go unseen. He let out a choked sob of relief when he gave his base a soft squeeze, dropping his head back against the headboard as he slowly pulled his fist all the way to the top of his shaft, his foreskin tickling his length underneath his heavy and rather sweaty palm.

His other hand slipped down his body, his fingers toying with the pebbled nipple to the right of his chest before he ghosted the tips down his abdomen and down passed his belly button, itching at the underside of his belly and feeling his stomach contract as he brushed over a slightly ticklish portion of skin, until he was happy on where they had settled. Course hair, thick and dark and looking a little unruly (“a trunk as thick as yours always needs a little grass around the base” is what she’d always told him when he questioned whether to shave or trim) at the touch of his fingertips, enough to grab in small clumps and long enough to not lose a grip of. A strangled moan bouncing around the insides of his mouth before it escaped the small gap made when he took his bottom lip between his teeth.

Her virtual presence, so bright and infectious upon his laptop screen, was there for his disposal and for his needs and, due to how delectable she looked, it was easy for him to let his imagination run wild inside his mind. Plain and simple for him to imagine that he was balls-deep inside of her. Sinking into the most desirable, cavernous-like space so deep and filling her up so nicely and deliciously, with her slick walls clenching and squeezing around him in the way that he just loves, in a way that could never be forgotten because it felt so pleasurable. So insanely good. How her legs would almost always spasm and how her thighs would quake and how she would shiver and pierce his back with her fingernails as he pounds into her and fucks her through her euphoric high.

His hips jut upwards impulsively and he tears his hands away from his pubis, thick with hair, and tucks them between his open thighs, his little finger resting perfectly against the crease where his thigh met the curve beneath of his pubic bone, and he begins to fondle his balls gently. Rolling them between his fingers, cupping them and almost making juggling motions (juggling - which he had become a professional at doing) and making the muscles of his stomach tighten even more.

“So good, so good... fuck.”

In his mind, she’s saying his name. Well, not exactly saying it... more like mewling it out from quivering lips. Eyes wide and staring into his, legs tight around his waist as he deeply grinds his hips into her, her orgasm being so visible through her coloured orbs as she cries and squeaks out her appreciation, as her fingers cling to his neck. The heels of her hands resting at the top of his neck, her nails scratching at his scalp as her fingers push through his hair, tugging harshly on the sweaty roots that were beginning to feel dirty and gross under her touch and the sensation, itself, was enough to make him loose his smooth rhythm...

On the screen and filtering out from the speakers, filling up the empty spaces in the air that was full of his deep panting and soft moans, she was deep in chatter - so far from where his imagination had taken him. He’s not sure what she’s talking about, really. She’s pointing at things, reaching out of the frame from things, grinning at the lens and toying with the hem of the shirt covering her body.

“... so, I guess I should explain to you how this works? It might make it a little easier for you. I’ll show you. It’s a fascinating piece of equipment,” she heightens herself on her knees and crawls forward a few centimetres, her hands coming up from her side to adjust the button-up that was flowing away from her torso. She stretches over and picks up, what seemed to be, a control box. A heavy block, that looked rather mechanical, that was coloured silver and black. “This is its remote control and it controls everything to do with this toy. The rotations. The vibrations. The speed of both. Oh, god, and I have full control so I’m like a dominant and a submissive all rolled into one,” she giggles, and it makes his heart skip a beat, with a contagious little squeak that had him letting out a chuckle - well, a loose breath of warm air pushing out from between his lips. “I can be tough on myself. Give myself a real go at it. Make myself cry and all that. Or I can be really soft and gentle. Calm it all down if it gets too much. I’m a softie so...”

She grins so widely before her shoulders slump and she drops from her height, her bum brushing over the carpet of the bedroom. And, as she stares at the camera with her hand wrapped around the fake, peach cock, he loses it. Completely and utterly loses it and gives in to the coil in his gut that was screaming out in mercy. Her eyes holding so much behind them as he squeezes his own shut, cumming hard as he continued to jerk his shaft, imagining her clamping down on him tightly as he filled her full of his thick juice. He wheezes, like he was winded and struggling to catch his breath, slumping down upon the mattress and ruffling the pillow that was trapped between his back and the base-board of the bed.

“... it’s extraordinary, Harry. I’ve never seen anything, or ridden anything, like it. This attachment is a wonder. My clit sits and rubs against here,” - she points to a small lump made in the rubber, scratching her nail over the grooves made for added pleasure - “you see the little bump? Well, I say little but it’s not. It’s like a lump. Yeah, uhm, that’s where my clit sits. The curve, it’s perfect, and the wiggly lines - I think they’re the grooves? Yeah, they make it so much better. The rest slips deep inside me,” - she strokes it like she would his cock and he glances down at his slippery, mushroom-shaped head, oozing cum and turning a deep shade of pink - “like your cock would do, but it doesn’t go as deep as you go, and it doesn’t fill me up as half as how you fill me up, but it feels so good. And it rotates and vibrates, too. Unfortunately, your cock doesn’t do that. It’d be cool, and a little weird, if it did. But I love it, nonetheless. It’s my favourite cock to ride. And these plastic ones will have to do until you get back to me.”

He wished he had something other than his hand.

He says he’s not adventurous in exploring new positions, new techniques upon one side of the relationship, but he’s all for experimenting with toys. He nicked one of her vibrators one night, for goodness sake!

She had a couple of rounded-tip vibrators in her bedside drawer, she had a wand that was his preferred vibrator to use on her (and himself), and she had a small dildo collection (that he had stumbled upon when he was being a domestic house-boyfriend and cleaned the cupboards of their walk-in wardrobe) that, after much interrogation on his part, she said she used rather frequently. A shy promise to use one when he was home and when she was next in that mood.

He had nothing but two hands and a vivid imagination.

“So, this is the rotation,” she twists the knob, with the “ROTATION” labelled beneath it, and there’s an abrupt sound that begins to crackle through his laptop speakers. His eyes completely focused on how fast it was spinning on the spot. “This is the fastest speed but that is way too fast for me. Maybe we’ll go that fast when I’m feeling a bit more courageous and feel more confident. Maybe when you’re here so I can focus on you and how you like to get off to me getting myself off. Because watching your hand around your cock, jerking yourself and cumming from your own touch, yeah, that really gets me going. Could watch you do that all day, like watching my favourite movie,” and she sports the naughtiest of smirks as she looks at the camera, sending him a cheeky wink, toying with the knob as she adjusts the speed to show him, “and, if it gets too crazy, I can just turn it down. And, if that gets too less and I need a little more, I can turn it back up and let it go crazy. Reaching inside and touching every inch of me. Not as good as you though, of course,” she slows down the rotations and adds a little force to the small switch at the bottom of the left-hand side, stopping the mechanical motion completely, “I’ll probably just go to the halfway mark. It was on a real slow rotation last time I used it and it took me forever to get to an orgasm. You’d have laughed. Called it a useless contraption and gave it a kick for not doing it’s job.”

Useless, of course, for not doing its assigned job in making her squirm and scream.

That was the reason he brought it, of course: to help fulfil the need and the desire for nothing but pure satisfaction when he wasn’t there to help her. It was junk if it didn’t serve it’s purpose.

“... the vibration though? Harry, it’s fucking crazy. You wouldn’t believe how good it feels. I had it on quite a quick vibration last time and, oh my god, you’d have to feel it yourself to understand how amazing it feels. It’s insane,” she smiles sweetly and it drives him nuts as he slumped down against the pillow, his non-existent double-chin resting against his chest as he switched his focus between his erect cock and his girlfriend, crawling backwards and setting herself up behind the mount, “are you ready? Make sure you’re on your own, yeah? Make sure there are no interruptions? Stick a sock or a tie on the door or something. Let people know you’re occupied and have no time to spare for anyone because this is for your eyes only, mister,” she points accusingly at the camera lens, at him, and he giggles tiredly, “do you understand me? If I find out that one of the boys has caught a look at me, you’re on the sofa for the next year. No sex, now blowies, no handjobs, or anything. You’ll have to resort to your hand.”

He knew she was serious because it had happened before. Not to the same extent as what she was implying, here, but... rather similarly.

They were fresh into a relationship, give or take eight months, when it happened.

Despite dropping the ‘L’ bomb just 5 months before, and with their first time being sexually intimate with one another just a short 2 months before, they were still exploring the excitement they could have with one another and they were still finding their own ways in dealing with the distance when he was country hopping for tours and promotional purposes and they were still trying to come to terms with being away from one another for so long. It’s when nudes were first introduced. When the very first video, filmed by her and sent to him, first happened. Of course, he had initiated it - she’d woken up, one morning, to a rather glorious photo that he had taken from the bathroom of whatever five star hotel room he was staying in, with everything on show and the cheekiest of grins on his face, without an inch of embarrassment written on his face. He seemed so happy. Pride was probably the correct way to describe it.

Given the time difference between London and the States, she’d sent him one back... breasts on show, laced knickers at the bottom of the frame, with her bottom lip between her teeth and a seductive wink that closed her left eye... and it couldn’t have been sent a worser time.

Because she was inundated with messages that she had a feeling weren’t sent from her boyfriend. In the 244 days of being with him, she had never once seen his use slang or the common ‘text language’ that the kids were using, back in the day. Lots of ‘u’s rather than ‘you’s, lots of ‘2’s rather than ‘to’s, plenty of ‘z’s being added to the end of plural nouns rather than the usual ‘s’s and there were no ‘xx’s at the end of the texts and Harry never skipped out on sending a couple of little kisses at the end of each message he sent... never.

She couldn’t talk to the four boys for weeks. Could barely look them in the eyes because she felt so humiliated.

“... oh! Do I look good for you, baby? I hope so. I feel good with myself. Been wearing this for the majority of the evening. I bet you look pretty amazing, too. All spread out on the bed, completely naked and just the way I like you, with a little semi going on because we haven’t reached the real action yet but you know what’s about to come and you’ve gotten all excited.”

She giggles sweetly and peels away the lapel of the white, intricately scattered with black polka-dots, button-up that draped down her torso, and she lets it fall off of her shoulder to show one of her breasts as she grabs at the soft flesh. Pinching her nipple and biting her lip as it sparked a reaction throughout her body, a cheeky wink sent to the camera before she rolled her shoulder swiftly, bringing the material back to cover her chest.

“Although, that one flash of my tit probably had you sporting a hard-on like a teenage boy seeing fanny for the first time.”

It falls silent between both ends and all he can hear is his wheezing breaths as his chest rose and fell with each deep breath her took.

“Have you just come off stage? All high on adrenaline and you’re not sure what to do with yourself, yeah? You know I live for post-concert you. Sweaty, smelling a little dirty, t-shirt clinging to you, patches under your arms and your back completely soaked. You know how that gets me riled up, Peaches. When you smell like you’re already fucked out, like you’ve already been through a few rounds with me, when you’re all hot and bothered and eager to get that cock inside me.”

There was one night that came to mind; June 3, Edinburgh, 2014.

As soon as he stepped off stage, backstage at Murrayfield Stadium, she’d been glued to his side from the moment she gave him a kiss to congratulate him on such a remarkable show. Despite the horrendous smell that wafted from under his arms and despite the sticky sensation that he could feel all over his skin, she stayed tucked under his bicep as he thanked everyone for being so helpful, grabbed himself a chilled bottle of water and let the boys know he would be missing out on their scheduled boy’s night out because he knew he wouldn’t last long in a dingy bar, drinking his weight in tequila shots and cheap lagers, and being stared at, regardless of how many times he escaped eyelines. With a promise to head out with them when they arrived in London and getting everyone together to celebrate their return, he sunk his mouth into YN’s hair and they were out of the stadium before anyone could tell them to stop with their “disgusting PDA”.

She’d practically wanked him off in the car and ruined the orgasm that was building up in his belly, she’d left hickies all over his neck in the lift going up to their room and she’d tore his shirt at the collar in a haste to take it off, she’d hid her hand in the waistband of his jeans and squeezed his bum as they scuffed down the corridor and, as soon as the door to their hotel room had closed with a click against the lock, she’d whipped his trousers down and, without any hesitation, welcomed his semi-hard cock into the warmth of her mouth before they had the chance to make it out of the entryway.

To this day, he still wasn’t sure if it was the adrenaline that made his stamina break the bar on how long he could last or whether it was the excitement of sinking nice and fulfillingly into his girlfriend multiple times throughout the night... he was thankful for whatever it was though.

“Do you want to fuck me? I hope this video, me riding this, makes you want to fuck me even more. I hope it gets you excited to come home, to sink deep into me, to make me feel good. To make me feel even better than this ever could,” she scoffs to herself playfully and bangs a hand down on the arched mount, “let’s make a deal. I’ll cum for you if you cum for me.”

His eyes widened nervously as he took a glance down at his, what was once tight and almost in a death-like vice, fist. His fingers loosening from the grip he had upon his erect cock, letting it spring back against his slick stomach, splattering a few droplets of spunk that caught at his slit, the space of stretched skin between his thumb and his forefinger sporting a glow of his ejaculate; sticky against his flesh, dribbling down to his wrist and speckled upon the fuzz of his upper thigh because he was always messy when he came and, really, he wasn’t afraid to admit that.

“Bugger,” he mumbled lowly, coughing into his clean fist to clear his dry throat, “could’ve bloody said before I spunked, baby.”

“And you have to tell me how good it felt afterwards. I don’t care if I’m sleeping or if the time difference is wacko or if I’m busy and can’t get back to you right away. If I’m with your family or my family or out with friends. I want a simple text to tell me how could you feel after blowing a load over this video. To know that it’s done its purpose. Because this whole thing is to make you feel so good. Is that an okay deal? I think that’s a pretty good deal.”

He heard her cough and he watched the screen intensely as she taps her fingers against the black leather.

“Wrap your hand around your cock for me. And stroke it. Stroke it like I would for you. Up and down. A little squeezing. You know how it goes, don’t you? Keep doing that until you cum for me. Can you do that? You better be able to do that for me. I know you can and you don’t want to disappoint me now, do you?”

He shook his head, and he chuckled lightly because she couldn’t see him, and happily obliged. Tightening his hold upon his cock, for the second time, and wiping his sensitive head to evenly spread out the remnants of his orgasm. Wincing through clenched teeth as spasms of electricity shot through him, pulsing his veins more rapidly and throbbing in his hold. His mouth watering as he stared between her thighs.

“You know what my pussy looks like. But, here’s a little glance before it’s ruined by this contraption,” she says as she leans back on the mount, hands bracing her weight on the edge of the arch to stable herself as she pushes up, into an amateur crab position, to let the camera focus plainly upon the soft folds between her thighs, “remember how this looks, yeah? If you have to rewind it, rewind it. If you have to take a screenshot, take a screenshot. A photo with your phone or whatever. Because I’ll show you again, at the end, to show off how crazy this makes me feel,” she leans her weight on one hand and uses her forefinger and middle finger to spread her slick folds, letting him catch a couple of seconds of her, yet to be ruined, pussy before she settles back on her knees and lets the rounded tip brush over her clit, visibly shivering at the stretch of pleasure coursing her veins.

“I’m not going to lie. I’m a little nervous. You’re actually out with Nick right now, you know? Remember when you came home at the end of June? A couple of weeks ago? Spent a couple of days with me before you took off to America? Nick took you out for some beers and you’ve been out for a few hours now so you could be home at any minute.” - And he remembered this so vividly. How she’d given him a clean button-up and told him to not where black jeans because it was muggy out and he would have gotten hot, how she’d snuck into the shower with him when he was getting ready to leave and how she’d helped him shave because, the last time he shaved, he had missed a patch by his sideburn and looked utterly ridiculous. She’d made him a cheese and pickle sandwich with a cup of tea so he had his stomach lined before his night out and she’d ate her own dinner whilst he ate. He’d kissed her goodbye when Nick had arrived in the taxi and he’d begged her to give him a reason to stay at home because, deep down, he didn’t really want to spend the night with his friends and get pissed to the point where he would be vomiting all night and would end up with a rotten hangover by the time the morning came. He remembered how they’d teased him because he’d been glued to his phone the entire night, how he’d been texting his girlfriend because he missed her and didn’t feel right without her there, telling her how he should’ve been feasting on peanuts and drinking lagers but had chosen to stick to water and cokes, only for her to encourage him to have a good night because she could look after him in the morning, and he’d told her how it didn’t take long for Nick to start sweet-talking the bartender because he thought he was cute. How he’d walked through the door and tripped over his own feet and fallen flat on his face because YN was in stitches when she told him over breakfast the following morning, how he’d been sick in the bathtub because, apparently, the toilet was too far from the door, and how he’d been bedridden until his flight in the late hours of the evening. - “It’s exhilarating to know you could catch me but I really don’t want you to catch me. Because then this whole thing, this video and this surprise, would be ruined. It’ll be your loss. Your fault.”

He smirked and rolled his eyes - he still would’ve asked for the video to be in his possession and he knew she wouldn’t have been able to turn him down.

“Are you hard for me yet? I want you so badly, you know? Every time I want something to penetrate me, to slip between my walls, to fill me nice and deep, I’ll always think about how badly I want you. How badly I want you to penetrate me. How badly I want your cock to slip between my walls and how I want you to fill me up, nice and deep, and hitting all those delicious spots inside me. The ones that have me squirming underneath you.”

He could feel his second orgasm beginning to tip over the brink and his cock was involuntarily twitching, again, in his hand. His slit pulsating and his tip tingling and his veins making his shaft feel hot as he flicked his wrist in achingly slow jerks. He’d already had one and he was as sensitive as his teeth were to ice-cream - it was painful but it was pain that was delicious and enticing.

“If your mind wanders away from wanting to fuck me, that’s okay. You think about whatever you need to think about. If you want to think about these lips,” she points at her pink lips and using her finger to drag her bottom lip down, “wrapped around your cock, shining with your pre-cum and bright pink against your tip, then go ahead. If you want to think about this tongue,” she sticks out her tongue, flat and thick, and wags it from side to side, “licking you up and down and coating your balls with spit, then go ahead. You’ll be able to feel the real thing soon. Wrapping around the head of your cock. Sucking gently, at first, and getting harder and harder and harder. Until you can barely see straight,” she tickles her fingertip down her neck, down between her collarbones, down the middle of her torso and taps the hooded bundle of nerves at the top of her pubic bone, “and, if you need to think about this pussy, riding you, going in and out of me,” she lets the dildo sink into her, reaching up inside her and settled so perfectly that it felt like it was breaking all kinds of walls to feel so good, “like this, then think about that. Think about my tight little pussy wrapped around you because I know how much you like to think about that. Know how much you love the feeling of me being completely wrapped around you.”

“... oh, what about my bum? Know you’ve slipped in once before. Could think about that, you know? Sliding in and out of there,” - he visibly shuddered. Because, little did she know, he thought about their first anal session whenever he needed to get off and was struggling to do so. Remembering how her bum was propped up by her pillow, how his hands cupped her ample cheeks with his fingers, how his cock laid perfectly where the crevice of her bum met the small of her back and how it felt so delightful as the newfound feeling, that was foreign to the both of them, took over. - “I know you liked how that felt, Peaches. Feels good, doesn’t it? When someone loves on your bum? When someone takes you to cloud nine by inflicting pleasure around the backside? Must give your bum some more loving when you get back home.”

He was too shy to ask her about exploring the area that was his backside, up front, so he would definitely hold her to that. Would even quote her, if he had to.

“Are you ready to start? I’m ready to start,” she stretches over and grabs the square remote control box, holding it tightly in her hand as the back rested against the bare flesh of her thigh, “there is one thing I forgot to tell you though. Might make you get there a little faster. This little contraption makes me squirt, you know? Feels so good that I just can’t help it. Thinking about you, it drives me insane, and I wish you could see this in person, Harry.”

His head snapped up just as she shrugged off his button-up; squirting? That was somewhat brand-new for the both of them. Sure, they’d spoken about it and he’d always wanted to try and make her have a wet orgasm that soaked his thighs and had her completely convulsing in his arms, and he’d googled all about it and whether it was normal and easy for all women to do, but they’d never reached the perfect moment to give it a try.

“Have to be hard now, right? Been naked for a little over five minutes. Had my tits on show for that long. You’ve probably already had one orgasm, hm? Watching me fuck this, imagining it being your cock, yeah?”

He so focused on her hips that her voice was only background noise for him. His complete upper jaw gnawing down on his bottom lip as he worked on stroking his cock hard and fast, quick and tight, fingers beginning to shake as his eyes squeezed shut. Her whines and her whimpers encouraging his orgasm and enticing it to spurt up his chest, beckoning it to escape and mix with his first.

He tried to hold himself off for a little while longer; it’s his second orgasm of the night and he wanted to milk the pleasure for as long as he possibly could. Wanted to feel every inch of it coursing his body. But, with each pump of his hand going up and down his girth and with each swipe of his thumb over the, deep shade of raspberry, head of his cock, it was becoming increasingly difficult to hold himself and to contain his hips from bucking up into his fist. Watching his girlfriend squirming and whining and whimpering as she ground her hips down and round on the peach-coloured dildo, that was lucky enough to be feeding her the pleasure he should have been giving to her, and whilst picturing her pretty lips, now swollen and bright red from how she’d continuously bitten and nibbled to contain her squeals, wrapped around him, it was overbearing for him. Overwhelming, if you will, as his moans caught in his throat and his grunts rumbled through his chest.

He groaned with deep guttural passion, almost like a yelp that bounced off the walls and echoed around the quiet room, his mouth dropping open as he rolled his head back against the ball of his neck. The tips of his hair tickling at the space between his shoulder-blades, the top of his head bumping against the soft headboard behind him as he tugged his cock, flicking his finger beneath the ridge at the underside of his tip, gargling out a string of profanities as he shot an almost empty load across his thigh.

Her voice so broken as she spoke through her orgasm; “fuck, m’squirtin’, Harry.”

He watched as she bobbed up and down, grasping her left breast and squeezing the soft flesh as splashes of her release escape from between her thighs, coating the base of the dildo mount with droplets he could only wish he was there to taste. To lick clean. The desire assisting his orgasm as more cream coated the fuzz of his inner thigh.

“Remember when you fucked my throat?” She says with a crack in her words, “had me gagging around you because you were so thick and heavy? Touching the back of my throat and you had my eyes watering? S’exactly what my eyes are doing right now, Harry. You remember how that looked? Remember how you had my eyes leaking? How I was close to crying with so much pleasure? I bet you do. I bet you think about that so much. Pretty sure my throat needs that again soon. I’ve been practicing.”

Deepthroating her was a spur of the moment thing.

What started off as a sweet blowjob after a warm shower, with gentle kisses being pressed against his thighs and her tongue being so soft with his flaccid cock and her hands cupping his backside so delicately, had soon turned into something much more. When he was erect and hard in the palm of her hand. When he was leaking pre-cum and she was slicking up the dry skin with the natural lube he excreted. Her nails digging into the fleshy mounds of his bum (which, he was sure would draw blood to the surface - not that anyone would see) and her teeth dragged up and down the thin flesh and bumped over the tingling veins pulsing with blood, that covered his throbbing muscle, with each rough thrust he gave her mouth. Gurgling around him as she tried to whine and whimper and moan out to tell him how she wanted him to keep going, gagging and dribbling down her chin and onto her coffee-coloured thighs from how he broke the boundaries of her throat, his fingers raking through her hair as he pulled fistfuls to guide her up and down his cock.

He remembered how she couldn’t speak for days beyond that. How she smacked his arm, kicked him up the bum and wanted to yell at him, but couldn’t. How she had meetings with important sponsors and how she had trouble with speaking in a hushed tone because people were struggling to hear her. She blamed it on the start of a cold and, despite how terrible she was as a liar, was rather pleased when they brought it.

“I wish you were here, baby. Fuck,” she whimpers, the heels of her hands resting on the front arch of the large toy, his hips stopping the motion of going up and down as she rotated them around in circles. Fighting the rotation of the toy as it sunk deep into her. “Do you wish you were here, too? Watching me squirt like this? Helping me through my orgasms? I wish you were here to fuck me, Harry. Wish you were here to finish me off with your cock.”

And, oh gosh, how he wished he was there, too.

It didn’t feel right to be so far away from her, wanking over her and thinking of her as he jerked himself off in each country they visited, and he wasn’t so sure he could last another month and a little bit longer without asking her to fly out to whatever city in America One Direction were next going to be in.

Her job was flexible and she could take her work anywhere in the world; that was one of the many perks to being a lifestyle, freelance blogger. A laptop in her bag, passport in her hand and a camera around her neck with cities all around that were full of picture-perfect moments that were momentarily opportune. So, surely, she wouldn’t mind swapping the four walls of her office back home to working from all over the world, right?

“Wish I was there, too,” he muttered, giving his cock one final tug before he let it spring back against his stomach, “so bad.”

He took his come down as a brief break. Letting his fingers relax as they had started to feel stiff, letting his cock feel a little cooler and to make sure he wasn’t overworking himself as he let it droop to one side, resting against the curve of his upper thigh and in a pool of his own spunk.

“Fuck, m’squirtin’, Harry. For you. You know what I’m thinking about?”

He smiled tiredly and watched her as she sunk down, knees pushing into the carpet as she let her orgasm loose, little splashes being heard as he watched her, cheek resting against his shoulder.

“I’m thinking about you pounding into me, baby. Spanking me and telling me how good I am and telling me how amazing I feel. Clenching around your cock, squeezing you and edging you closer, and squirting for you as you fuck me deep. All over your stomach. All over you. Feels good when I make myself squirt, you know? Want to show you so badly.”

He whimpered and it was such a cartoon whimper that rolled from his tongue that, usually wouldn’t have embarrassed him because it wasn’t forced and came from an act that enticed it from deep within him, made his cheeks heat up.

He had this habit, that he wasn’t sure how it started, of banging his hands down on the mattress when he pushed up after being stretched out down the spread of the bed. Whether it was after a full nights sleep and it was time to get up or after a nap that he’d taken with YN after a busy morning or after they’d spent a few hours on the bed being amorous with their sexual activities. Because it annoyed her and he loved to annoy her and it had simply become a habit he would do when he was on his own. Using his trembling arms to push himself up from the bed and onto his knees. The pillow that he hadn’t slept on, which still held the strong aroma of hotel washing detergent and was still crisp white and had a fresh pillowcase and was untouched and wrinkle-free, was grasped tightly in his hand. His knuckles turning white after he lunged forward and grabbed it, leaving an empty space at the headboard. His erect and tingling and leaking cock swinging as he moved, his laptop pushed to the side in a haste to find a new position, his bare heels pushed into the pillowy flesh of his bum cheeks. Green eyes staying focused on the screen as he watched her grind against the arched base of the sex-toy between her thighs. Her back arching, her nipples pebbling as a hand disappeared behind her frame, her other clinging to front to keep her as stable as she could possibly make herself.

She’d spoken about pillow humping before... and it definitely wasn’t something that would slip his mind with ease. Whether it was during their late night chats when the time ticked passed midnight and the both of them were struggling to sleep, whether it was when they were discussing ways they managed to get themselves off when they were alone, or whether it was overhead when she was talking to a female friend during a stay-at-home brunch in the kitchen. It wasn’t a foreign topic of conversation and he was all for trying new things - he’d gone as far as having his girlfriend give him a rimjob, for goodness sake, so there were no boundaries he was terrified of crossing.

He folded it over as quick as he could - well, actually, it was more wrapped around his cock than it was folded before his quivering frame - and, despite being untouched, it was warm and, if he could let his hazy imagination wander a little further than her lips wrapped around him, he could really imagine her warm cunt clenching around him. All slick and warm and deep, homing him perfectly and stretching to accommodate the thick girth he packed between his thighs, and being enough to milk his balls dry. He didn’t need a hand fondling his balls or a finger pushed into his behind. Needing the sounds and the touch and the smell to drive him over the edge. He grabbed either side of the pillow, keeping it in a tight fold, as he gave his all into thrusting between the gap, feeling his bum clench with each forward thrust, his body almost toppling to the mattress with each retracted thrust, and his eyes were watering. His bottom lip situated between his teeth, chewing hard on the flesh and nearing the point of drawing blood, making it red raw and dribbling down his chin.

Because, oh god, did it feel good.

It was better than his hand; far much better. It had the creases, it had the depth that her warm cunt had to offer every single time, it had the metaphorical entrance that he found pleasure sinking into and it had the warmth that he could imagine wasn’t just a folded pillow. Where he could imagine it was really her. It was an action that he didn’t mind drooling over and that he didn’t mind making a mess of, an action that he definitely wouldn’t rule out in the future, and an action that he would have to tell her all about, just to tell her she was right. That it felt brilliant. That it sent him spiralling towards a place where he felt he was flying. Not necessarily cloud nine but... something even better than that.

His knees were starting to ache from holding up his weight, his stomach was clenching and coiling with white-hot pleasure as he kept pushing his hips losing all rhythm but driving deeper into the groove that the pillow offered him, his head swimming, his knuckles turning white and his fingers feeling like they were stiff when he tried to give them a wiggle, and he was beginning to feel like jelly because he was on the brink of a third orgasm - the most orgasms he’d ever given himself in one night - all whilst his girlfriend was edging towards her second.

In hindsight, he felt guilty for what he was doing. This wasn’t his property, it wasn’t his room, it wasn’t his bed to get messy and the pillow wasn’t his - it all belonged to a hotel, a room, that many people would use after he signed himself out and handed over his key. It was a pillow that people would use, that they would rest their heads upon, without knowing the high levels of deep lust it had helped him feel. And, despite not wanting it to end, he threw it to the floor. The least he could do was salvage what was left of the inanimate piece of furniture.

His stomach ached as he jerked himself through his third orgasm, the third of god knows how many, just as his girlfriend announced she was cumming hard. His hand feeling clammy around his length as he tugged up and down, up and down, up and down, adding in a spark of pleasure as he squeezed his girth and stroked the sensitive, mushroom-shaped head with the pad of his thumb. Her squeals sending him over the edge as he spurted thick, white strings of release up his chest, painting his sticky and shimmering, with sweat, skin. Smearing his release over each and every section of exposed skin he could.

He fell back against the bed, his head missing his pillow by mere centimetres as he choked and swallowed saliva down his dry throat, releasing his cock and spreading out, like a starfish against a rock, upon the mattress. Feet hanging off the end of the bed as his fingers twitched. YN’s cries of relief echoing around the room as they filtered from the speakers at either side of his laptop and he wasn’t so sure he could last another go. Three orgasms was good enough for him.

“... this is driving my clit crazy, Harry. And, as much as I love it when you use your fingers and rub them against me, when you flick me with your tongue or suck on me, this feels so much better,” she hums, his eyes straining as he peered over his shoulder to watch her, “it’s up there on things that drive me crazy. Love your fingers though. Make me feel so good in so many ways. They’re so soft and gentle, delicate and feathery, touching me so lightly and it’s like they know exactly what to do. They know where to go. They know just how to make me feel nice.”

This go around, as he watched her unravel on the sybian, he skipped out on a potential fourth. He could have gone for it but a staggered orgasm, that he would class at number four, could come in the morning when he could keep his eyes open. When he wasn’t feeling sore. When his cock had had a break and had regained all feeling from tip to base. He had new material to watch, to think about and to help his imagination delve further into the darker depths of his mind now that he had stumbled upon what she had so sweetly given to him... that he was thankful she had given to him... that he would, as corny as it sounded, keep safe and look after and would only use it when he was in dire need of a little help. When amateur porn just wasn’t satisfying enough.

“... I think s’all I can take. 3 orgasms is good enough for you, right? I feel great. I’m going to go and take a warm bath, relax a little and wait for you to come home so you don’t smell sex on me,” she giggles, dismounting the sex-toy and walking over towards the camera on shaking legs. He could see her glistening thighs struggling to close from how long she’d been in her position, the upper muscles trembling under her skin, “drunk you always seems to know when I’ve been naughty with myself and I can’t be giving myself away. If you’re curious as to where I’m putting this, it’s back in the box and in the wardrobe under your shirts. Means I can grab one when I chose to have some fun,” she grins into the lens as she picks the camera up with her hands, holding it at arm’s length as she twirls on her bare feet and collapses - well, more like lets her legs give out from underneath her weight - upon their bed. Head nudging between the two plump pillows as she hid her face into his. A tired smile on her face. “That’s all I can do. My legs ache and I’ve still got to put it all away and get myself freshened up. I’ll see you really soon, mister. Really soon. Enjoy the rest of the tour. It’s your last one with the boys, for a long time, so make the most of it. I’ll see you at home in a short few weeks. 6 nights at London’s O2? That’s going to be so cool! I love you huge amounts.”

Sure, he missed home... but he was missing it a little less now.

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