#(my taxes are decently complicated)

[thelaurenshippen]

I just think that if you pay a subscription for a service it should be illegal to then have pop-ups asking you to pay for more stuff. I want to kill intuit with hammers

[fratboykate]

I'm totally in support of the writers in theory but I'm trying to understand more of what you're fighting for because I've seen some people on twitter claim writers make more money a week than most of us make in a month so I'm trying to understand what the issue is. Also if that info is accurate. This is a genuine question. Not trying to have a "gotcha moment". I really want to hear from a writer.

people have always had wild misconceptions about how much a writer earns because of their lack of understanding of how the industry actually works. there's so many posts about how "you guys make 5k a week. what more do you want?!" yeah...let's do some math on that.

5k a week for 14 weeks (and that's a long room. a lot of rooms these days are 8-10 weeks. those are the dreaded mini-rooms we're trying to kill) is $70,000. for roughly three months of work. you'd think we're cooking with gas...BUT HOLD UP. that's gross! let's see everything that has to come out of that check:

10% to our agent

10% to our manager

5% to our entertainment attorney

5% to our business manager (not everyone has one but a lot of us do. i do, so that's literally 30% immediately off the top of every check)

most of these breakdowns ive seen downplay taxes severely. someone made one that says writers pay 5% in taxes and i would like to ask them "in what universe?". that doesn't even cover state taxes. the way taxes work in the industry is really complicated, but the short of it is most of us have companies for tax reasons so we aren't taxed like people on w2s/1099. if we did we'd be even more fucked. basically every production hires a writer's company instead of the writer as an individual. so they engage our companies for our services and then at the end of the year we (the company) pay taxes as corporations or llcs (depending on what the writer chose to go with). my company is registered as a "corporation" so let's go with those rates. california's corporate rate is 9% and the federal corporate tax rate is 21%. there's other expenses with running a business like fees and other shit so my business managers/accountants/bookkeepers have recommended i save between 35-40% of everything i make for when tax season comes.

you see where the math is at already??? 25-30% in commissions and then 35-40% in taxes. on the lower end you're at THE VERY LEAST looking at 60% of that check gone. 70% worst case scenario. suddenly those $70,000 people claim we make are actually down to $28,000 as the take home pay. and that's if you're only losing 60%. it goes down to $21,000 if it's 70%.

lets pretend you worked a long 14 week room (that's the longest room ive ever worked btw) and let's also be generous and say you only have 60% in expenses so the take home is $28,000. average rent in los angeles is around $2,800-$3,000. if you're paying $2,800 in rent that means you need AT LEAST $4,000 a month to have a semi decent life since you need to also cover groceries, gas, medical expenses, toiletries, phone, internet, utilities, rental and car insurances, car payments, student loan payments, etc etc etc. and again, this is los angeles. everything is more expensive so you're living BARE BONES on 4k. and these are numbers as a single person. im not even taking having children into account. so those $28,000 you take home might cover your life for 6-7 months. 3 of which you're in the room working. the reality is that once that room ends, you might not work in a room again for 6-9-12 months (i have friends whose last jobs were over 18 months ago) and you now only have about 3 months left of savings to hold you over. we have to make that money stretch while we do all the endless free development we do for studios and until we get our next paying job. so...3 months left of enough money to cover your expenses -> possible 9 months of not having a job. this is how writers end up on food stamps or applying to work at target.

this is why we're fighting for better rates and better residuals. residuals were a thing writers used to rely on to get them through the unemployment periods. residual checks have gone down from 20k to $0.03 cents. im not joking.

they've decimated our regular pay and then destroyed residuals. we have nothing left. so don't believe it when they tell you writers are being greedy. writers are simply fighting to be able to make a middle class living. we're not asking them to become poor for our sake. we're asking for raises that amount to 2% of their profit. TWO PERCENT. this is a fight for writing even being a career in five years instead of something you do on the side while you work retail to pay your bills. if you think shows are bad now imagine when your writer has to do it as a hobby because they need a real job to pay their bills and support a family. (which none of us can currently afford to have btw)

support writers. stop being bootlickers for billion dollar corporations. stop caring about fictional people more than you care about the real people that write them. if we don't win this fight it truly is game over. the industry as you know it is gone.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - I'm having a GREAT time

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Aug 2024 Week 5

Ongoing Series - Thai

Monster Next Door (Thai Thurs Gaga ) eps 7-8 of 12 - I do love these 2 a lot. It’s such a slow burn sweet comforting quiet little romance. It’s not complicated, it’s not stretching my thoughts or imagination, but it is easy and absorbing. I'm entertained by it without being taxed. And sometimes that’s nice. It's what Thailand does best.

Addicted Heroin (Thai Tues WeTV) ep 3 of 10 - Oh I’m still enjoying it. It’s only episode three and they’re basically boyfriend’s palling around shopping together and hanging out on a bicycle. What’s not to love? Also he got to meet the in-laws. Well… eventual in-laws. Also the girlfriend character. I totally forgot about her. Good times.

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 12fin - Baby faints. Bad guys caught and beat up a bit. Lots of romantic moments, come checking in with ALL the sides, and it ends.

Summary?

Classic CEO meets ingenue archetypes make for a somewhat banal and simplistic romance. This could’ve come from an 80s Harlequin, except that they’re gay. It's... old fashioned. There was nothing meta about this, there was no subversion or commentary on anything BL, queer, or beyond. It’s just a straight up (okay not straight) romance. I was not wild about these characters for this particular pair, but that’s not the pair's fault, they did a decent job with their parts and I look forward to their next show - here’s hoping it’s a bit more meaty. I preferred the side couple because they were more complex and true to BL archetypes, even if they were also a bit miss-handled. A serviceable show if somewhat lacking in its convictions, but with some beautiful sex scenes, people, and fashion. I was a particular fan of Lin‘s gender bending femme style. It’s groundbreaking to see that aesthetic on one of the leads. There were multiple times they could’ve leaned into well established plot points, paranormal elements, and character tension, and instead just glossed over them.

This should probably get a 7/10, but I’m giving it an 8 because of that one oppa line at the beginning, Tenon's tatas, and the call back to Big Dragon with that iconic musical refrain in the final episode. It was a pretty fun ride, emphasis on pretty and ride. 

Battle of the Writers (Sun YT) ep 5 of 12 - Lots of kissing this episode. And lots of different kinds of kissing from the same two actors in various different forms and characters. I really liked it. It’s nice to see that this pair can mix it up a little bit, even if it's just with their lips.

I Saw You in My Dream (Weds Gaga) ep 7 of 12 - OK the leg care massage was so boyfriend I can’t even. Who are they trying to fool? I love the way Ing always knows exactly what is going on. Thank goodness for that confession! I’m very much looking forward to the next episode.

(The socratic method, is it?)

The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 9 of 12 - Still couldn’t care less about the hets. Yawn. Ah Jane’s ex shows up. (Is that Green? Hi baby!) Meanwhile, Jane gets worried and jealous. I loved Pah in this ep, and almost wish this were a show just about him. Like a grown-up Green Fictions. (Where tf did Poon COME from allasudden? He’s a killer actor. GMMTV better use him wisely.) Also, in that scene with Pat and P’Jo, they’re eating some of my favorite food. I got a little bit of linguistic negotiation with Khun Par Phi. Cuteness. And we end with some actual communication. Yay!!! It’s kind of hilarious to see OffGun in a tentative hug. I don’t think they’ve been that way for a years.

In fact, this whole episode was pretty much about communicating properly between ages and ranks within an office and social structure. I loved that. I’m liking this one more this week. It’s still not my favorite currently airing, but I think that mostly has to do with how much other good stuff is on right now.

SPEAKING OF...

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

The On1y One (Taiwan Thurs Gaga) eps 3-4 of 12 - Uh huh, a game of one-up-man-ship is it? I think not. That boy wants to jump his cute stepbrother’s bones so bad that big brain of his is starting to melt. I'm here for it. Also, said sunshine cutie is clearly a big old cock tease. Everybody is happy about this. They sure know how to end these episodes on cliffhangers too. I don’t know how I’m gonna wait until next week.

I’m legit mad about how fucking good this is. After Unknown too?! Taiwan is spoiling us this year and THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN DOING IT ALL ALONG.

Sugar Dog Life (Japan Sun grey) ep 3-4 of 10 - Oh my goodness do I love this show. It makes me laugh, I adore the premise, I'm wild over the characters, and the acting is killer. I’m just really happy about this show, OK? I tend to sing and clap: Oh they so cute.

Baby got his first crush and he has no idea what to do about it. I ADORE how angry he is about it. Like... How dare I even consider falling in love with somebody? How annoying of me. It’s great. I even liked the girl in the confession and how cool and sweet they both were to each other over his rejection. Bang up job. This is fantastic BL of the newer modern style. (As contrasted to On1y)

These top two shows are neck and neck for best of the week, for entirely different reasons. But I love all my sons.

Speaking of...

Cosmetic Playlover (Japan Tues Gaga) eps 7-8 fin - Oh it’s so adorable with the drama and the little subordinate coming to their rescue, and them meeting each other’s family. "I want to become someone who is essential in your life" = peak romance.

Summation?

I loved this little show. It was a classic office BL about the older workaholic who loves his job and the younger upstart who unexpectedly loves his boss. It’s a hyung romance where everybody is extremely earnest and sweet and pretty about everything. Except our seme, who is slightly unhinged and a little obsessed in all the ways one likes best from Japan. Plus the kisses were good! I can’t ask for anything more, utterly charming unexpected gem of a show. What a great time! 9/10

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 11 of 12 - The lack of communication between these 2 may actually drive me insane. But I still love them. Such a sad ep. 

Seoul Blues (Korea Fri? YouTube) ep 3 of 8 - Argh but also oooooo. I bet the uncut version was fantastic this week.

First Note Of Love (Taiwan Mon Gaga) eps 5-6 of 12 - I'm starting to like this better. I’m still not convinced, but I did enjoy watching it this week. I’m getting some chemistry off the leads. Admittedly. that’s because they both behave like 16-year-olds. Surprise MosBank cameo - looking handsome as ever, boys. (Honestly, Taiwan really wants that King of the Cameos crown.) And FINALLY our side couple. I’m looking forward to next week primarily because of them. And I don’t even have them yet!

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 9 of 10 - OK the lap cuddle was v cute. As was the handholding. But hiking with a metal griddle? Insanity. Might be the craziest thing in a BL this year. And The Sign aired this year. Meanwhile, not a dead fish kiss! Yay! 

It's airing but...

4 Minutes (Sat Gaga) eps 1-6 of 8 - Gaga picked this one up so we can watch it there. I'm waiting until the end, it seems angsty and confusing and full of awful people being awful. But also... high heat and I'm shallow. So we shall see which devil wins (and how it ends).

In case you missed it

Meet You at the Blossom (China) - I'm eating crow, binging the fucker, and live blogging. It's just taking me some time. This isn't really a bingable show, not for me anyway. It's A LOT to take all at once.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

Coming SEPTEMBER 2024:

9/? The Time of Fever (Korea iQIYI) 6 eps - HoTae & DongHee are back! Side couple from Unintentional Love Story, same actors, same character names I an WILD for this.

9/1 Live in Love (Thai Sun Gaga) 5 eps - Short series featuring and online romance turning IRL.

9/3 Happy of the End (Japan Tues Gaga) - Based on a manga, longer than usual run time. A boy is disowned for being gay, dumped by his boyfriend, and ends up in a dysfunctional co-dependant relationship with his would-be kidnapper. We were due for another messy JBL. Here it is!

9/6 Kidnap (Thai Friday GMMTV YouTube) 12 eps - Ohm Pawat is back for Frigays it's gonna be a blast.

9/7 The Hidden Moon (Thai Sat ????) 10 eps - This is a supernatural romance (my ghost boyfriend trope) ‘เดือนพราง’ by Violet Rain (I Feel You Linger)... A Bangkok writer is hired to write an article about an old mansion in Chiang Mai which is being converted into a café. He gets into an accident and nearly dies on his way there. After that, he sees the ghosts of people who died at the mansion, one boy catches his attention. Was substantially recast.

9/9 Jack & Joker (Thai Mon IQIYI) 12 eps? - Be gay YinWar, do crimes. Dehup gives us Yin, War, Mark and a few other familiar faces in a Leverage sitch, only queerer.

9/14 Love Sick 2024 (Thai Sat ????) ?? eps - Remake of the original. I'm scared too.

9/15 Bad Guy My Boss (Thai Sun Gaga) 10 eps - Assistant to a player boss who is in love with that boss decides to quit to save himself. The boss then makes a move. (A gay What's up with Secretary Kim?)

9/17 Love is Like a Poison AKA Doku Koi: Doku mo Sugireba Koi to Naru (Japan Tues Netflix?) 10 eps - Lawyer and a con artist meet at a bar, pair up, fall in love.

9/28 Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YouTube) ?? eps - oh I don't know just Ba Vinh doing his thing with pretty boys again.

Adventures in miss-captions

(been a while since we had one of these)

SNICKER "nail you" and a "nail you down" = completely different things. But this being Japan they might have met either or both. (Cosmetic)

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Why yes, you do have the prettiest lips in the biz. No need to tease us like that. (Battle)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in its infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

[jackoshadows]

The level of utterly hypocritical discourse in the asoiaf fandom.

About Sansa:

Same person about Robb and Jon:

Same person about Dany:

I simply love how there are these multipage essays and economic treatises on how Robb, Jon, Dany Et al. fuck up and fumble and are just bad leaders who don't enforce wage regulations and clause three of the constitution in worker's rights or plan army discipline and Jon is apparently just an 'angry teenager' unfit for leadership etc.

But Sansa? QUEEN IN THE NORTH because she's the blood of Winterfell! ITS WHAT SHE DESERVES NARRATIVELY.

And Sansa, who is currently 13, should be queen because the narrative says so! When, according to the same person, 16 year olds Jon and Robb fuck up as they are too young to be good rulers as per the same narrative that tells them that Sansa will be Queen...

That's what the narrative is telling us - that characters can become the best rulers/leaders simply because of their blood and has nothing to do with experience and learning and wisdom and hey look at Dany, Robb and Jon fucking up when Sansa will magically, simply be the best - the NARRATIVE SAYS SO!

Meanwhile GRRM on ruling:

One thing that I am trying to get at in the books, the political aspect if you would, is to kind of show that this stuff is hard. I think that an awful lot of fantasy and even some great fantasy falls under the mistake of assuming that a good man would be a good king and all that is necessary is to be a decent human being and then when you are king everything will go swimmingly. Tolkien is great but we never get into the nitty gritty of Aragorn ruling. What is his tax policy? How does he feel about crop rotation? How does he handle land disputes between two nobles, both of whom think that they should have the village, so they burn it down to establish their claim. This is the hard part of ruling be it in the middle ages or now. It’s not enough to be a good man to be an effective ruler. It’s complicated and it’s hard and I wanted to show that with repeated examples in my books with my kings and hand of the kings - the prime minister if you would - trying to rule. And whether it be Ned Stark or Tyrion Lannister or Tywin Lannister or Daenerys Targaryen or Cersei Lannister trying to deal with the real challenges that affect anyone trying to rule the 7K or even a city like Meereen and it’s hard. You know, we can all read the books or read history and say oh, so and so was stupid and made a lot of mistakes and look at all these stupid mistakes they make. But these kind of mistakes are always much more apparent in hind sight than when you are actually faced with the decision about, oh my God, what would I do in this situation. How do I resolve this thing? Do I do the moral thing? But what about  the political consequences of the moral thing? Do I do the pragmatic, cynical thing and kind of screw the people who are screwed by it? I mean, it is HARD. And I want to get to all of that - GRRM

Apparently, when it comes to Sansa, GRRM will be saying:

" I mean, it (ruling) is EASY. The food conundrums that Jon and Dany are unable to solve in entire books will be easily tackled by Sansa who will just ask everyone to bring their grain to Winterfell! Easy peasy and one and done! I mean, Sansa is the BLOOD OF WINTERFELL! "

These chucklefucks don't know the first thing about narratives and themes. The result of GRRM not writing a book in 13 years is wading through shite like this.

[violetsandshrikes]

Hi! I saw your post about the current awful disability policies in Aoteroa. I had considered moving there, since I am in bad living situation, but after that post i am reconsidering. My latest ideas had come from the way it managed covid. What are your thoughts on living there? Do you have any advice on resources to get a general idea of the politics in the country? Thank u!!

Aotearoa is a really complicated one - a lot of people want to move here from their respective countries for a better quality of life/better politics, and while we are comparatively very lucky, there is still quite a few things under the surface that a lot of people don’t know.

In terms of disability: we are really restrictive in terms of who we let immigrate that has a declared disability (which is of course, fucking awful, but very important to know if you start to get things in order). Our immigration site can probably give you some rough ideas whether or not you would have issues. Additionally important to consider: our healthcare system is actively struggling very badly. As a result, wait times are long, hospital care is hard to get, and if you need a specialist, they are usually sparse throughout the country, have a very long wait time, and often are private and incredibly expensive, so if you know you need on-going care with a specific specialist, I 100% recommend researching who is in the country (which may also put limitations on where you can easily live).

Similarly, our job market is not fantastic. It’s a small country with limited roles, so if you’re trained in something particular, in can be rough finding a suitable role. We also have what appears to be a decent minimum wage to people outside the country, but when you compare it to our very high cost of living and rent (+ housing crisis), a lot of Aotearoa is incredibly expensive to live in.

With the disability changes you saw: last year, we voted in a new government, consisting of three right wing parties. As a result, we are currently watching our social systems get absolutely gutted while landlords get billions of dollars of tax breaks. Someone on Reddit compiled a list of all the changes they made in their first 100 days (applicable till Feb 24th) to give an idea of the shifting landscape.

I don’t want to be a downer if you really want to migrate here! But there is definitely a lot that people don’t realise, and so if you do decide to move forward, I really recommend doing in-depth research on our immigration requirements, available jobs + rate, rentals in those areas + average rent, and other things you may need access to such as specialised care.

(Also, lots of kiwis follow me, and they may disagree with my assessment or have other things to add, so this is an open invite for them to pitch in!)

[dragonmuse]

(In light of Ao3 being down I am posting the first chunk of a new fic that will eventually go up as a one shot. It’s a Lucius/Izzy modern au featuring non traditional student Izzy.)

The backroom of Jackie’s bar was startlingly quiet. Izzy was fairly sure she’d installed soundproofing at some point for her own reasons and he was steadfastly not asking about those reasons. What it meant, as far as he was concerned, was that he could sip pretty decent whiskey for free while he fixed her inevitably bookkeeping problems once a month without hearing the general cacophony of the front room

:readmore:

Her arrival was heralded by the sharp smell of cigar smoke,

“Find it yet?”

“Yeah,” he held a receipt out that was very wrinkled and had a mysterious brown crust stuck to the bottom. “Danny has been buying all your limes from the grocery store instead of the bulk order.”

“Why?”

She sat down beside him at the long table she used in lieu of a desk. It had a lot of nicks, scars and graffiti scrawled on it. Too many years being handled by too many careless people.

Izzy could relate.

“I don’t ask for reasons, just hunt down the money. You’ll have retrain him on the ordering system.”

“I’ll get Geraldo to do it,” she waved that away. “He and Danny get each other.”

One empty headed fool to another, that checked out.

“Organized the receipts, should be ready for the taxman next month,” he told her instead of risking his neck saying that out loud.

“Thank fuck. Honestly, Hands, why don’t you just get certified already and then I can just pay you proper to do the taxes and things. Make my life a fuckload easier.”

“And you know I do everything for your convenience,” he rolled his eyes.

“Maybe you should. What the fuck else are you doing?”

Izzy picked up his whiskey and took a long sip.

He had this waking nightmare, an anxiety dream that played on loop in his head while he stared sightlessly at his walls at the apartment. In it, he’s walking down a sidewalk with no where in particular to go. He sees Eddy across the street. She spots him and before he can hide, she’s waving, cheerful as anything. She looks happy, full of good news and good things that have happened since he was unceremoniously ejected from his life.

The worst part of it is that after telling him about every good thing, including every detail of Bonnet’s ass-ugly mansion and collection of gold appliances, she asks him sincerely,

“So what’ve you been up to?”

And Izzy will have to say ‘nothing’.

He doesn’t really need to work. The jobs they ran may have been questionable in their legality, but they’d paid in real money. If he lived frugally, he could be retired for all his days and he’d never really wanted for much. But he didn’t have hobbies, never had time to cultivate any, didn’t have any old friends to spend time with, most of them were dead or in jail or had taken Eddy’s side when things ended, and he wasn’t in the market for new friends which seemed complicated and kind of nauseating.

He’d spent the last six months fixing Jackie’s books because she’d never much liked Eddy and had always been his friend alone (and lonely in that job) and trying to get the feral tomcat that lived in the alley next to his brownstone to get close enough that he could nab it and have someone castrate the damn thing so it’d stop caterwauling at all hours of the night.

“You need a degree,” he said into his whiskey. “To get certified.”

“Didn’t you go to college?”

“Dropped out after two years. Started the business instead.”

“Bet they’d still take the credits,” she shrugged. “Throw in some ‘life experience’.

“Yeah,” he scoffed. “Tell them I graduated from the school of hardknocks.”

Bonnet was a professor of something, he was pretty sure. He’d had a lot of books and talked about classes anyway. English, maybe? That sounded right. Eddy had liked how he spoke.

“Should be worth something to someone,” Jackie’s cigar smoke curled out of the corners of her mouth. “Can you imagine? I’d already have a degree in business if they took it out in years in.”

“And in matrimony,” he raised his glass to her and she laughed, fortunately. In a good mood.

“A full on masters in missus,” she grinned and he chuckled, the first time he’d even come close to a laugh in sometime.

Izzy walked home not much later. She’d stuck a cigar in his jacket pocket on his way out with a wink, so instead of going all the way inside, he sat down on his stoop and lit it. It was a mild summer night and he hadn’t actually sat out here in some time. It was a good cigar, but mostly it just made him miss cigarettes. He’d given them up fifteen years ago and sometimes he still craved the taste.

Mostly he craved how it had tasted bleeding into him through Eddy’s lips, but that wasn’t worth thinking about. Think about how the smoke reached for the cloudy night sky. Think about the warm air on his face. Think about how grocery shopping, meal planning, laundry, all the things that life required to keep the wheels rolling forward.

The tomcat padded up to the stoop, just out of reach. He was a big fellow, orange as anything with a ragged ear and proud bearing.

“You’re a son of a bitch,” he told the cat, even as he reached into his coat and pulled out the treats he’d started keeping on him as a bribe. He placed one on the bottom step then returned to his spot at the top.

The cat could clearly smell it, nose going and tail lashing, but he didn’t move from his spot until Izzy got up and opened the front door. Even then, he just darted in, nabbed the treat then ran off back into the alley. Figured.

He watched the news, barely taking it in. Went to bed and didn’t sleep.

In the wee hours, he got his laptop and opened up a website.

***

“Annnnd there we go!” His advisor beamed at him. The guy was maybe twenty-five and he said ‘nontraditional student’ like he meant ‘geriatric dumbass’. Izzy had had to draw on every minute of his ancient court-mandated anger management class tips to keep quiet.

“Yes,” he said as calmly as he could manage. “I know how to get into the system. Got myself set for the next semester, but I’m closed out of anything that satisfies the arts requirement.”

“Ooooh!” His advisor blinked wetly at him. “Why didn’t you just say that?”

Breath in. Breath out. I don’t want to go to prison, I don’t want to go to prison, I don’t want to go to prison. It probably wasn’t what Cindy, his anger management trainer, had meant by a mantra, but it had done him a lot of good over the years.

“What can I take that’s still open?” He said through only slightly gritted teeth and, more remarkably, without swearing.

“Let’s see! Ooooh there’s ceramics!” He said after some clicking. “Wouldn’t that be fun?”

I don’t want to go to prison. I don’t want to go to prison.

“No.”

“It can be very therapeutic, my Nana loves making pots.”

I don’t want to go to prison. I don’t want to go to prison.

“What else is there?”

“Uh...closed...closed...” The bright smile started to dim a little. “Closed...wow, the arts are popular...mmm. There’s Drawing 1 still open. Do you want to learn how to draw?”

“Is quartering involved?” he muttered.

“Hm?”

“Yeah, fine.”

“Great!”

Which was how Izzy found himself walking into an airy room filled with color-splotched surfaces, and the smell of paint hanging in the air. There were a few students milling around already, settling in front of easels. Some of them were chatting with each other or fussing over their supplies.

In the first semester, Izzy had attempted to gravitate toward the back as he would’ve with Ed back in the day, but quickly it became apparent that he needed to be closer to the front to read the slides and it was easier to pay attention that way anyway. If he wanted privacy, the front tended to be better for that anyway. No one wanted the very front. He usually had the entire space to himself.

Here it meant that everyone behind him would probably be able to see his work, but what the hell did he care about a bunch of kids knowing he couldn’t draw worth a damn? He just needed to get this class out from under him so he could fill his schedule with math and some of the engineering courses that he could begrudgingly acknowledge sounded interesting.

So up front it was. He set down the required sketchbook and pencils, tossed his much battered leather jacket over the back of the seat, set his travel mug to one side (just water, but he preferred it as cold as possible for as long as possible) and settled in with the expectation of suffering.

One of the students was buzzing around at the front of the class, clicking around on a laptop and then moving to shuffle papers. He was tall and dark-haired, dressed exactly like Izzy imagined a flighty art major would be: fashionably loose striped shirt, wide legged pants and a ridiculous silky bit of material tied around his throat. He was wearing an actual watch though which was unusual. The kids around Izzy seemed to either rely on their phones, smart watches or just not know what the hell time it was at any given moment.

“Hi,” the maybe-a-T.A. chirped right at him. “Thanks for sitting up front. I start to worry that I smell the way people avoid it.”

“I like to actually see shit,” Izzy shrugged.

“Important in any class, but doubly important in this one.”

“Think there’s a lot of powerpoint?” He asked, resigned.

“Nah,” the guy smiled brightly. “Why do you ask?”

“Something about the words on the screen gives me a headache.

Izzy waited for a comment about his age which seemed to be everyone’s go-to conversational topic, but the guy just nodded.

“Everyone needs a screen break sometimes. One of my friends uses these blue tinted glasses or something, swears by them to help screen headaches for what it’s worth.”

Before Izzy could ask a follow up question, a student ambled up to maybe-a-T.A.asking something about paper weights that Izzy didn’t care to follow. He checked his email on his phone, and then googled ‘blue tinted glasses’ they looked ugly as fuck.

“Okay!” maybe-a-T.A. said from the front of the class. “Nice to see a few familiar faces, but most of you are new to me. I’m Dr. Lucius Spriggs, welcome to Drawing 101. If this isn’t where you’re supposed to be, take the opportunity to find the exits located at the back of the room.”

Izzy closed his eyes for a second. This kid was the fucking professor. He had been fortunate enough in the first semester to at least be in the same age range (even once notably younger) than the teachers.

Maybe they handed out art degrees faster than ones in accounting. Izzy re-opened his eyes and accepted his fate. At least the syllabus made sense, set up practically as Dr. Spriggs went over it. He sat on the edge of a table as he did so, legs outstretched and crossed at the ankle.

“So that’s the boring stuff,” Dr. Spriggs tossed his copy of the syllabus over his shoulder with an impish smile. “Here’s the important thing. Art is all about creativity and experimentation and I love all that. I encourage it in any of your free drawing assignments, but here and now, in this class, my job is to teach you some fundamentals. That means I’m going to give you bowls of fruit and all that jazz and I want you to draw bowls of fruit. You can’t experiment until you know what you’re experimenting with.”

Izzy sat up a little straighter. That seemed remarkably straight forward.

“Art isn’t just making beautiful things,” he went on. “It takes dedication and practice like anything in your life you want to be good at. This class focuses on that part of it for your benefit. You know all that stuff about learning outcomes? That matters to me. I want you to leave knowing you can draw....yes?”

A girl timidly put her hand back down, “What if we can’t? I’ve never been able to draw anything before.”

“Then I get to look particularly impressive,” he said with a grin. “You will draw something before you leave my class, okay? But only if you put the effort in. Promise?”

She nodded shyly, pinking up. Izzy’s initial hopefulness faded. He was going to die of boredom or of triteness here.

“Cool. Okay, we’re going to do attendance to make sure everyone is actually in the right place and so I can put faces to all your names. If I get the pronunciation wrong, please correct me. If your pronouns aren’t in the system or recently changed, let me know either during roll or shoot me an email if you’d prefer.”

And then it was the tedious listing off. When Dr. Spriggs said, “Israel Hands?” He just lifted his hand enough to be acknowledged.

He assumed that be it for today. Most of the professors seemed to prefer their setup classes to be short and sweet, but Dr. Spriggs put down his laptop and picked up a pencil.

“So for today, we’re going to start out humble. Let’s talk sitting and saving our wrists.”

Izzy hadn’t thought about his posture in a long time and how he held a pencil hadn’t been a conscious thought since kindergarten. It felt good to stretch a little though and then Dr. Spriggs went around the room as the made lines on an initial sheet of paper to guide them a little more.

“Oh, good,” Dr. Spriggs stopped by him last on his way back up to the front. “You’ve got a good natural hand position, but you can turn your paper to get a good angle instead of your wrist.”

Izzy frowned, but adjusted his page. “Yeah?”

“Great! Israel, right?”

“Izzy,” he corrected absently. Moving the paper was easier. Huh.

“Izzy,” Dr. Spriggs repeated. “Did you use a ruler?”

“No?”

“Wow,” the laugh was gentle. “You’ve got a good eye and a steady hand.”

The compliment landed like a worm in his gut, squirming and wriggling uncomfortably.

“Thanks,” he muttered and almost hunched his shoulders, catching himself at the last second. Thankfully, the professor moved back to the front of the room and started wrapping up, talking about their first assignment.

He escaped without further incident.

The tomcat didn’t show up when he sat on the stoop that night. He’d taken to doing that more, even as it got colder. Sometimes the cat would sit just a few steps beneath him now, waiting patiently for the mouthfuls that Izzy would provide.

Alone, he went through the homework for what the school called ‘Corporate Finance’ and Izzy had already mentally dubbed ‘Rich Fuckers Get Richer’’ class. Jackie would love it. It was now how he pictured himself at fifty, sitting on the stoop like his father used to, chewing on straw instead of smoking, doing homework like he was the obedient teenager that he’d never been.

Then again, he’d pictured himself in a grave at fifty for most of this life, so what the fuck did he know? This was probably better than that.

[cup-of-starlight-waters]

on adulthood and changing perspectives

this summer has been a summer of two things: cooking and reading!

the cooking has been fun, with some hit or miss and some really good meals—I don’t know how many will make it into the family repertoire, but I do know I’m getting better and learning new things.

the reading has taken a bit of a back seat to the cooking as I spend probably too much time and money planning meals and chasing down specialty ingredients instead of using what’s in the house (look! it’s summer, I have the time and money, I am allowed to indulge) and the pile of ClassicsTM I am supposed to read remains untouched, but I did read and delight in reading the entire Ancillary Justice series, and am currently rereading the first bit of the Imager Portfolio prequel series, in preparation for the ones I never got to when I was in high school.

there’s something uniquely arresting about revisiting something from your childhood with the perspective and experience of an adult. as a child, it never occurred to me to deviate from the recipes my mother gave or taught me, and I never cooked enough to want to do something new, nor did I have the judgement necessary to recognize what additions or changes or recipes might go well. this summer I have taken on the primary responsibility for cooking for the household because I am the only one who isn’t currently working full time, and so I have had the time to practice and experiment and explore, and this become better. I’ve been an okay cook for years by simple virtue of my mother having taught me as a young teen and having a handful of decent recipes, but this summer has the potential to make me a good cook in a way my child-self could never have managed.

as a reader, my tolerance for poor prose, simplistic characterization, and poorly veiled morality plays (JKR’s Ickabog, I’m looking at you) has vastly shrunk, while my appreciation for and ability to recognize nuance, inventiveness, and complex morality has grown. rereading Tolkien last summer was a real treat.

this summer, the Imager books are proving a more complicated experience. the pacing is dire, and the narrator’s preoccupation with detail, especially what the protagonist is eating, is at best a charming eccentricity and at worst an exercise in frustration. the philosophizing veers from hopelessly in your face to relentlessly dense. the characterization of women remains that of a man who considers himself forward-thinking because he recognizes that women have thoughts and feelings.

and yet. and yet. the slow, captivating glimmers of a world with its own history, mythology, and secrets that remain just out of reach. the narrative arc of an ambitious and clever protagonist (Quaeryt, not the other one) who sometimes does very stupid things, and sometimes very ruthless things; and yet somehow remains incredibly likeable. the way the exhaustive detail in the insipid prose matters, because so much of who Quaeryt is and how he feels is presented to the reader in the implications of his physical actions and mannerisms as he speaks to people, or what the narration indicates he observes; as much or more than the thoughts that are spelled out to the reader.

as a kid, I liked the series because I thought the world building was fun and interesting. as an adult, I can see so much more clearly Modesitt’s weaknesses as an author, but also his strengths. I’ve only reread Scholar so far, but I know that this will be a series that, while mentally taxing, will still reward me for every bit of the energy and thought I put into it.

[boxoftheskyking]

A League Of Their Own fic recs (mostly Lupe/Jess)

Seems like a decent time to go through my bookmarks and share my favorites so far. There are some killer writers in this fandom. No particular order.

(If you haven’t watched the show yet WHAT ARE YOU DOING)

But first!

Shameless self-promotion:

God’s Sorrier Creatures, M, 11,832 Lupe/Carson Carson finds Lupe coaching high school in Vermont. They are lonely together. Some talk of vague Lupe/Jess

Now, on with the recs!

relief next to me by meyeri, E, 24,489, not finished Lupe/Jess This is the hottest shit I ever read. Also with angst.

Shrimpin’ Ain’t Easy by thereforebucket, T, 10,678 Lupe/Jess Lovely post-season adventures on a boat. My favorite part of their dynamic is Lupe having genuine freakouts while Jess is entirely amused, thank you for continuing that into your fic.

Softened Stone by RobinWritesChirps, E, 14,637 Lupe/Jess Really good complicated, traumatized romance. Also road trips.

i’ve got better things to do than survive by hypotheticalfanfic, M, 3,239 Lupe/Jess Gender stuff and one of my favorite lines ever: ““When I get your attention on me, when you’re looking at me enough to talk shit to me, it’s like a night game. I get spots in my eyes. “

Hot Stove Season by dannyPURO, E, 22,843 Lupe/Jess I love how difficult Lupe makes everything for herself all of the time. It’s very appealing.

and I think we’re alone now by beepbedeep, M, 7,068 Lupe/Jess It’s about kissing. Also locker room hookup

no place like by firstaudrina, G, 4,128 Lupe & Jess Lupe goes home to see her family, really well done

May I Impress Upon You by summerdrive, T, 4,023 Lupe/Jess Jess meets Lupe’s family and it is a Very Bad Time for everyone

what lovers learn to do by elizaunfiltered, E, 14,635 Lupe/Jess I’m not always into daemon AUs but you’ve really mined it for all the terrible intimacy inherent in the thing and it works.

tax problems by firstaudrina, E, 2,038 Lupe/Jess The last night in Rockford. It’s very hot.

to the victor, the spoils by andrealyn, T, 3,304 Lupe/Jess Jess likes a challenge, you see where this is going

It’s Rotten Work by poorlittlegreenie, E, 10,349 Lupe/Jess You know that part in Attorney Woo where she starts doing nice things for Lee Jun-Ho and he has a breakdown about it. basically that.

wild by FingertipsofRose, M, 6,938 Lupe/Jess Jess POV throughout the season. She’s great and will eat you whole

with a grin of salt by charactershoes, T, 7,184 Lupe/Jess The whole team dynamic is great here. really good dialogue. 

Keep Your Electric Eye on Me, Babe by poorlittlegreenie, E, 3,873 Lupe/Jess It’s hot! 

Psychosomatic by summerdrive, T, 4,391 Lupe/Jess Lupe can’t pitch and Jess is going to fix it.

Sing Me To Sleep by poorlittlegreenie, G, 5,444 Lupe/Jess Lupe has a breakdown in New York, and she has earned it

Turn The Light Off, Come Find Me by somebodytoundress, E, 5,561 Lupe/Jess AU where they meet working on Jess’s farm

Being Good Isn’t Always Easy by poorlittlegreenie, E, 20,230, not finished yet Lupe/Jess You’ve probably read this one, the Lupe’s a church girl and Jess is in love with her story

proclivities by robokittens, M, 4,173 Lupe/Jess It’s a cute li’l makeout

got me dirty and sweet by getmean, T, 2,076 Lupe/Jess Cuts & bruises & apologies

Room Service (Top) by RobinWritesChirps, E, 1,599 Lupe/Jess It’s fucking!

Our Secret Moments (In A Crowded Room) by somebodytoundress, M, 3,682 Lupe/Jess scenes throughout the season

Off Season by peaktotheocean, T, 2,934 Lupe/Jess Cute lil piece where they kidnap Esti.

And some bonus ones:

you got a fastball (maybe together we can get somewhere) by allapplesfall, G, 9,943 Lupe & Max AU where it’s Lupe that meets Max instead of Carson. great dynamic.

It’s Not the Pale Moon That Excites Me, That Thrills and Delights Me, by Bluebluebaby, T, 4,114 Jess/Sgt Beverly Thank you for your service and writing this pairing, it is excellent and I support it wholeheartedly

[janedoewrites]

Did you self-publish? If yes, what was it like? Any advise for writers looking to publish?

I did self-publish, yes.

How I Did It

It was easier than I thought it'd be, at least, the way I approached it. Caveat that I went through KDP (i.e. Amazon) for a number of reasons that basically came down to a) ease of publishing b) availability of hard copies c) the shipping of hard copies on a global scale (not all countries are available but it's a decent amount) d) it's a place people often go to for books period e) the cost of publishing (the way it works is that print is done "on-demand" it's slower but I don't have to pay out of pocket for X print copies that I then have to sell to make the money back). f) fairly good royalties g) the general terms and conditions and 'ownership' of my material.

There are downsides in that it's through Amazon, whom nobody likes, and that there's return shenanigans in that if I get money from a purchase and if someone chooses to then return the book then that money gets taken away from me personally. (This has gotten better, recently, with ebook purchases as now if a reader reads past a certain percentage they're considered as having 'bought' it where before a lot of people treated it like a library and didn't realize it was the author they were fucking over and not Amazon who makes sure they're not the ones taking the cut).

And look, to those who want to give me flack, we live in a society and people buy books on Amazon. Them's the breaks.

There are other ways to self-publish and platforms you can pay to be a part of where they'll work to not only get you listed on Amazon but bookstores such as Barnes and Noble but it's a little more complicated/does cost some amount to do.

What Was it Like

It's a fairly simple process through KDP at least. What you do is set up an account with tax information/agree to terms of service/so on and so forth. You can then manage your books through a profile and the manuscripts you can write in pre-provided document templates that have the print structure for whatever size book you want to write (e.g. 6"x9").

When you're finished and have your page count in the formatted text, you go and see what size covers are required for hard copies (if you're interested) and can either use stock images to generate covers or else cover images that you own (e.g. you do it yourself or commission it as a book cover by an artist). For e-books they give specifications on the quality your cover should be for the best resolution/results.

You then submit your manuscript/cover art for copyright review, get an ISBN (KDP provides this for free for hard copies if you use them), and decide on digital rights management, promotion options, and pricing structure (where you're told up front the cost of printing/the amount you get after KDP's cut of the royalties).

It sits in reviews for up to 72 hours and provided all goes well you're then live, you get an author page and links to your works, and you can distribute how you want/tell the world to buy your book.

In other words, it was stupid easy.

Should You Self-Publish

There are pros and cons to self-publishing vs. publishing in general.

One great pro is nobody tells you what to do and so long as you follow terms of service (which hopefully you do as it's things like: don't write about the glorification of violence, glorification of sexual violence, so on and so forth) you can publish what you like without having to necessarily be 'marketable'.

Remember that published books are intended to sell and they generally either target extremely niche markets in a very deep way or else try to cast a very wide net with a book everyone can enjoy. One thing you'll see a lot of if you go the publishing route is "I as an agent enjoy unique stories. Now, tell me at least five books that are exactly like yours that were published in the last five years." There are exceptions, but it's generally not a field that likes risk or shaking the boat. They want to be able to sell books.

Another great pro is you're depending only on yourself. You can publish the book as soon as you're finished editing without having to convince someone else it's great stuff.

And of course, there's the pro that you don't have to get an agent or publisher to say yes. The way it typically works is if you want the big or prestigious publishers, you have to have an agent and that agent usually has to have some in roads with that publisher. Which means you have to submit a few pages of a manuscript/a summary and other things to them and hope they get back to you on that. This can be very time consuming (as they generally allow a window of 4-6 weeks) and annoying.

The cons is that you have to market yourself and you don't have the leg up that publishing would otherwise get you (where you are associated with whatever books they already have published just by being published by them, they may or may not run marketing campaigns and advertising for your material, and they can get your books distributed on a much wider scale). What this means is that if you don't have a large-ish platform already and care about sales/intend to make a living on this then you're going to have a very rough time getting a foot up.

The other part of this is that obviously you don't get a forward/amount of money before any books are sold as you otherwise might with a publishing agency. You only get the royalties you earn through sales.

Any Advice?

The self-publishing bit is easy enough that the hardest part is the writing and the editing. Obviously, I haven't gotten far in at this point, and I'm also not all that concerned about sales (I have no intentions of quitting my day job and becoming an auteur any time soon) so I'm perhaps not the person to ask at this point in time.

If you go Amazon worth thinking about is if you want to go the Kindle Unlimited route or not. I haven't as of yet, because I'm not feeling the burn for promotion.

What it is for those not familiar is that Amazon will market your book much more internally (e.g. that stuff that pops up on your kindle when you turn it on), run sales and promotions on it, but your ebook version can be read for free/lent to others for free with you getting a small amount of money depending how far readers make it into the book. The idea being that as you reach a much larger audience, you get more money than you otherwise would have. It's a good way to market if you have no platform/following already and a good way to proliferate the book but you lose out on people actually buying it.

[ambiguouspuzuma]

This touches on a point I was recently wondering about.

My initial response to this post was: Why do we have to choose? Is it really too much to ask for both? Any story worth reading should surely have both style and substance, good prose and a good plot. It should be well-told and have a tale worth telling.

A book without a compelling story is boring. Sure, it's more important to have decent prose, because if it's grating and unreadable you won't even get to that point, but that's just fundamental. You also need a story on top of that. You have to use your skilful prose to do something that will keep the reader interested.

There is no trade-off there. There's no reason that beautifully written words have to be about some sadsack moping about aimlessly with no character development, no conflict and resolution, no mystery or surprises, no arc or coherent and satisfying structure. You need both. You need both. Yes, a ground-breaking plot wouldn't be worth bothering with if it's awfully written, but neither would 'good prose' be worth bothering with if there's no story underneath it.

I've read some terminally 'literary' novels recently (not saying that I haven't enjoyed literary fiction before, just these ones in particular) and I just don't understand why someone with such a command of the English language doesn't put it to some actual use, rather than trying to describe as little as possible in as much detail as possible as if it's some sort of personal challenge. Oh, you bet I couldn't drag a whole novel out of this basic miscommunication? I'll take that (lack of) action.

The result is a hollow confection which is pretty to look at but profoundly unsatisfying. I find such novels such hard going, not because the writing is more complicated and taxing on my poor brain cells (although you have to engage a little more, that's all stimulating and to the good - I also find plain, unseasoned prose unfulfilling), but because I feel like my mind is atrophying from the lack of engagement. There is no information or intrigue or interest for me to take in or care about. It's just empty calories.

It's as if they're afraid that too much of a plot would risk getting filed as 'genre fiction' and lose all the prestige of being the more refined, purified sort of author who writes for the art of writing-in-itself, just as the readers seem to prefer their plot as bland as possible so you can be clear that you are the superior sort of reader who simply enjoys the flavour of words, like going to a snooty restaurant that serves tiny dishes that leave you hungry but full of self-satisfaction.

The comparison here is a false dichotomy: the choice isn't between a dull literary novel and My Immortal. You can have good prose which is married to an actual story. The first take actually doubles down on this by saying 'this is why' they disregard any criticism that a story is lacking substance, which makes no sense at all.

You can say good writing is more important than good plot, but you still need both, and it doesn't mean you don't appreciate X to point out that Y is missing. That someone doesn't miss it suggests that they're the one who doesn't value a crucial aspect of storytelling.

They're lacking the capacity to appreciate an intelligent plot, the genius of its pacing and turns and the way all of its elements fit together, because they only read for the feel of the words in their mouth and don't care what they mean. To me, that's just as bad as someone who doesn't appreciate the artistry. The two go together. That's what storytelling is.

[void-botanist]

9 (in my defense i'm a social scientist ajdjfjfkfj), 18 and 27 for the character development ask game!

I'll take Zel for this one because I really don't talk about her enough. I'm also going to do these out of order because I went on a whole adventure for number 9, the question about socioeconomic status.

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others? Wisdom is what she most actively admires, because she wants to be capable and collected and not chaotic, and to avoid more pitfalls of being ambitious. Once upon a time she had ambitious academic and career goals: when she started college in Takolem City, she wanted to be a veterinarian. She made it about a year and a half in her veterinary science program before various factors led to her transferring to a school in Winchester and finishing out a degree in literature, and she has a lot of regrets about how that went. She's also just plain envious of her brother, who somehow managed to get all the way through a doctoral degree and then land an extremely cool space job almost by accident?? Rude???

How does your character normally deal with confrontation? It really depends on the context and who's involved. In public, or with people she doesn't know well, she tries to defuse things with humor and sarcasm, often @ herself. But in private, especially with people she knows well, and especially her brother, she accelerates pretty quickly from defusing with sarcasm to full-on shouting match. Except it's not really a "match" with Zalen because it takes a lot to make him yell at anyone. She's never shouted at Anni, but Anni also doesn't really confront people that much.

Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up? I possibly thought about this way too hard and went kind of sideways, but I think I understand socioeconomic status better as a concept? If I say anything that makes you go ?? feel free to reply/message me/send another ask.

Anyway, the short answer is yeah, mostly. Zel grew up in a tiny rural mountain town in Takolem. Goods that had to be brought in from elsewhere—even up from the foothills—tended to be more expensive, but the town and its nearby neighbors could produce most of the basics themselves (food, water, soap, furniture, etc.) and the community tended to be pretty cohesive and supportive of mutual aid. Universal basic income was provided to adults by Takolem's government, but it was scaled by average costs for basic requirements of living. Those requirements were defined broadly, but still, for Zel's hometown, the payouts were some of the lowest in the country, even as prices for external goods rose in tandem with costs of living in other areas. Zel's grandfather had a decent job that shored up the UBI payouts to support a four-person household, but a lot of the tech that Zel owns now would have been luxuries during her childhood.

Zel now lives in a major city in Deridis, where UBI payouts are generally higher, even if the exact details of why are different for Deridis's goverment. She could coast on UBI for a while since she's only supporting herself in a small apartment. But it's nice to have the extra money (and tax write-offs for some of her tech) and she likes streaming. So that's kind of the economic part. The socio- part of the question is more complex. (To be clear, I'm looking at this from a US perspective because that's what I know.) I haven't thought a lot about how it's conceptualized in-world, but in both of these contexts blue collar jobs and trades are actually valued, and more even income and wealth distribution means that there isn't a stark division between "haves" and "have-nots" in terms of numbers or social standing (I know making use of resources like tutoring or extracurricular activities is more complicated than just how much time and money people have available to them, but on those basic levels there's more equality). Zel does sometimes struggle with no longer living in the same community as she did growing up, because she doesn't have the benefits of directly knowing people and being able to learn from them. She still hasn't really succeeded in building up a new community around herself that she can rely on and contribute to. There's also an element of how different species' cultures influence one another. Zel's home culture was mostly in conversation with local tree and mushroom person cultures, whereas Deridis has a strong relationship with orea-nawwen cultures, which does change some of the underlying attitudes and species distribution across different types of jobs. So overall Zel has a higher socioeconomic status now than when she was a kid, but it's complicated especially when you look at it in terms of social class.

[cybermoonmoon]

Elect me. Uncle 2024.

My first acts: Food Shelter Health Jobs Futures. I'll order the Department of the Interior to share out our vast stockpiles of food. We feed the world we can feed our own hungry. Any Federal Municipality or State official denying children school lunch or health assistance for 'any' reason is now committing a criminal offence.

Warehoused homes will be affordably leased interest-free to struggling families and the young. In some cases, as with Homeless given outright with assistance in education detoxing home care and job placement. Immediate emergency national foreclosure moratorium. With compensation to the lenders. Army Corps of Engineers will build low-cost housing on federal land which now is empty unused. The national disgrace of large Homeless encampments will end. These replaced by new planned affordable towns all over the country. 21st century Jobs in new tech facilities with training and more than living wages for all that want them.

Yeah, it's way more nuts dangerous scary and complicated than that. So bleeping what! We can do it...we're fucking 'Muricans! This is a 'Marshall Plan' for our country as it really actually is for many tens of millions of regular folks.

Dammit if I have to I'll order the combined armed forces medical corps to treat the sick injured addicted and struggling. Doing an end-run around corrupt deliberately inflated pharma insurance institutional graft and criminal incompetence.

All this under emergency Executives Orders. Because this long-term deranged bleep is a fucking Emergency. We spent many Trillions over da years on pointless losing wars and assorted corrupt bullshit. Finally, we can invest trillions in our own folks for far greater returns. Not ten years down da line but right fucking now!

Train folks to build a vast continental network of fast rail lines coast to coast and up to Alaska. We built the interstate highways. We can build fast rail. Jobs falling from the skies. Finally bleeping fast rail as near every other developed nation has. We dream it we can build it and make it first class functional accessible and affordable.

FDR would see my point. Btw I'll start up the 'Department of the Arts' and bring back the 'Department of Health Education and Welfare'. I figure our government should have a few 'Life' oriented branches like all the other Western Democracies. If folks have decent homes good jobs and futures. They might not want to O.D. hate or murder each other as much.

Vote Uncle '24. He's cranky but a swell guy.

(...And another thing.)

Thinking of bring back the WPA...Works Progress Administration under FDR. The working poor homeless and the struggling young under Army Engineering Corps guidance would build their own homes. Like Jimmy Carter did for folks.

Property tax free for the first five years so they could get on their feet before joining the tax pool. All this is so doable. If I were younger, I'd run just to get this stuff on the table.

[forgottenyear]

I have not been okay. I am safe, so no worries.

I just feel like this is such a complicated mess and every time I make anything that resembles progress, I land flat on my face again. I am tired. I am not sure I have it in me to keep picking myself up again.

There is better news, maybe. It was relayed by my partner, so it is unclear yet. Apparently, our tax person (my partner’s taxes, with a trust fund, are a headache that I will not take on) got a form about my disability payments – which I assumed were denied last year. I think I know what happened, but I need to make a few phone calls tomorrow to be sure.

If I do have payments coming in, I will no longer be financially dependent on my partner. At least not entirely so. This is a double-edged sword, though, because it causes anxiety for my partner not to have that degree of control over me. It was a huge source of friction for them, when I was making a decent paycheck in my last job.

So, I am feeling a bad cycle of biological depression (I always say that it is bad), but I am also facing a potential lift in the existential depression.

Everything is great, so I feel like crap.

[cazort]

I think a lot of people who shit on landlords either have never had a half-decent landlord, or have never owned their own house.

I rented from one landlord for 8 years; it was a large apartment complex, and I loved it. It is definitely my favorite place I had ever lived at that point in my life. It wasn't perfect, there were dents and scratches and sometimes the maintenance crew would be slow to fix minor problems. They were responsive on important stuff though, like if your heat was broken, or if there was a leak, they'd be out immediately, even at night or on weekends. The rent increased slower than inflation, and, although I was never late on rent, a couple of my friends who were late once or twice said the office was really generous working with them and accommodating them. They also periodically upgraded things without me having to ask. At one point, they replaced all our windows with new windows. They also renovated our bathroom and gave us a new floor, tub, and toilet, leaving the sink intact. They offered to upgrade our kitchen cabinets, which we declined because we preferred the current ones to the disruption it would cause to upgrade them. Oh, and the landlord also had free internet included in rent. And on top of that there were all these perks: a gym, a courtyard with fertile soil where we could have vegetable gardens and picnic tables to hang out, and a common area indoors where we could host group events or just hang out.

Now that I live in a house, there is literally SOOO much work that used to be handled by the landlord, that I have to do myself.

Last night, it snowed. We had to shovel our walk and driveway ourselves. We have a leak in our upstairs sink. We have to call a plumber and schedule a time for them to come out and fix it. We had an issue with our heat, and we needed to do the same for HVAC companies. We have to pay every utility ourselves: water, gas (heat), electricity, and trash pickup, and internet. We have to put the trash and recycling out on the curb on the correct days, and then take it back. On top of this, we had to manage our relationship to the lender when we bought the house, in our case a bank; it was a really complicated process to get the loan, tons of paperwork and involved reviewing our credit history. We had to shop for and buy home insurance, and now we have a payment that includes the mortgage payment, insurance, and property taxes.

Much of this stuff is work, like many, many hours of work. And like...when I factor all the hours of work I put into doing this stuff, it makes me realize that I was getting a lot of value out of renting.

When I look at the dollar values involved, it actually seems a very fair deal. Since buying our house, we've spent many thousands of dollars on plumbing, HVAC, and other odd work. This sort of stuff was all included in rent.

I understand that there are horrible landlords out there who are incredibly exploitative of their tenants. I have rented from one; the situation was so extreme, after I had moved out, he not only kept my security deposit, but for months, he would call me every day and leave a message threatening to sue me saying he had renewed the lease for a year and was going to collect rent. (He never did, it was just empty threats, I talked to other former tenants and learned that he was doing this with other people and had even been illegally collecting double rent after one tenant had broken the lease and then the landlord filled it immediately but still collected rent from the old tenant.) So yeah, some landlords do incredibly shady stuff.

But there is nothing inherently wrong with landlords.

I think my most recent landlord actually helped me to build wealth. By keeping the rent low and raising it less than inflation, by managing the property efficiently, the landlord managed his own wealth and then passed on savings to all the tenants, who enjoyed a cheap, pleasant, functional place to live with all sorts of amenities. By living there cheaply for years, I was able to save money for a large down payment on a house, which helped us to afford a good house even in the really tight and difficult housing market with high interest rates.

People need to learn to distinguish between "landlords" and "bad landlords". And also, realize, that scams and exploitation can exist in all different aspects of life. You can get ripped off by someone selling a house who hides or lies about serious problems with it, or house developers who build shoddily-made new houses that look great when initially sold but develop serious problems over time. Landlords are like anyone, they provide a service and many of them do an excellent job and can help their tenants to build wealth by providing them housing that is affordable and trouble-free.

Lastly, people also need to understand that the relative affordability of renting vs. owning can be really different in different cities. When I lived in Philadelphia, buying a house was really unaffordable, to the point that it would be pretty much impossible to find a house where your monthly payment was equivalent to or less than what you would have to pay to rent a similar-quality space. And then you have all the additional costs on top of that. Other places I've lived have been the other way around; like when I was living in Cleveland, Ohio in the early 2000's, the market heavily favored buying, to the point where you could get really nice houses so cheaply, but rents were only somewhat cheaper than in pricier east-coast cities. So you would often pay a lot less if you bought.

Part of the reason for this is that housing prices reflect not only what the housing is worth at the moment, but the change in the value. In a rust belt city like Cleveland, the long-term trend is not great, which makes housing affordable, since people don't buy as an investment as much and are mainly paying just to live there, whereas in an east-coast city like Philadelphia, the upward trend is much higher. So if you're only living there short-term, you can be much better off renting.

Please make yourself aware of these things because I have seen people end up in bad situations because they think home ownership is like this magic path to wealth, whereas renting is a formula to stay poor, and this is just not true at all. It's all about your situation, factors like how the housing market is in the city you're in, how long you plan on living there, and also just the details of what your particular housing situation is like. There are both good deals and bad deals alike when it comes to landlords and renting, and home ownership.

[blahandwhatever]

Spent much time these past few weeks working diligently on various assessments, sometimes job applications, sometimes actual work. Got offered a bit of work that pays fuck all and barely feels worth doing; still didn't get paid for the social media project I did a month ago due to excruciatingly slow processes - probably won't be until mid-December.

Decided I needed to add some credentials or something to my resume to make myself a bit more competitive - one or two for what I already do, since I don't have directly relevant education and some MFs do like to see that regardless of how much experience you have, and maybe more later for some additional skills to expand my range. So I signed up for a certificate program and thought I'd race through that in a couple of weeks but got interrupted by a big project from an old side job I hadn't heard from since January. Both the pay and the expected turnaround were unreasonable for the size of the project, but I badly needed the money, so I took it. Part of me resented the pay and expectations - of this job and so many new ones I've come across still offering wages that would've been abysmal even five years ago. Part of me felt like I was paying some penance for my previous hubris and carelessness and accepted my lot. Part of me thought about all the people who get worked to death on a regular basis and figured, even if I had to join their ranks for a week, all in all, I still didn't have it so bad. (Also, hello past self! Hello past self in your long-commute office job living-with-parents poor-mental-health years of hell.)

The first two days were a big adjustment to being Busy after months of being Not Busy, filled with resentment and distraction. The next two days - last weekend - I got in a zone with it, got a decent amount done while still making plenty of time for other things. Monday was a big marathon I hoped would leave me with a lighter load for Tuesday, maybe a little left over for Wednesday at worst. Tuesday, I didn't get through as much as I'd hoped to, and it was clear there was no way I'd finish that night, so I didn't push myself too hard. Wednesday. Wednesday, I'd hoped to have a chill day between the busy week and Thanksgiving. I still had a decent chunk of the project left, but it seemed manageable. At worst, at least I could relax at night. I got part of it done in the afternoon, went to Whole Foods, came back, had dinner. Client asked if I was close to done. I said 2-3 more hours. I got back to work, feeling pressured and efficient, but two hours in, it was clear I was still far from done. Updated the client that it might be another couple of hours on top of what I'd said. Then those hours passed, and by this point I was consumed by a stress I had not experienced at work in years. Client probably went to bed. I finished around 2:20 AM, desperate for wine I never seem to have when I actually need it. It was hard to wind down, my body tingling with electricity, but I got there eventually, still disappointed with my small sliver of free time.

And then there was Thanksgiving - an unusual one I didn't know what to expect from. My parents still live together but don't talk or see each other much - my mother's postponed the divorce process until January due to some kind of tax complication, and the drama has mostly simmered down (he opened a piece of her mail from an unclear addressee - her boss at work, it turned out - because he's still paranoid about her and men, albeit more quietly. she bit her tongue about it. he said he'd move out by November but didn't. apparently hasn't been working and spends most of his time out playing poker. travels occasionally. sent her pictures from a beach one time). I figured someone in my father's family would host Thanksgiving, but I never heard from anyone. I was going to spend most of it with my mother - who wouldn't be joining them even if invited - in any case.

I managed to get up at an okay time and found that, overnight, I'd developed The Bullshit again in my right eye - thank the relentlessness of yesterday and refusal (big mistake) to take a quick break to wash my eyes when they felt irritated. The redness subsided a bit over time but didn't fully go away. I wanted to get dressed up like always for the holidays, more to make things feel normal for my mother than anything, and spent the usual forever curling my hair. And I thought I'd timed and planned things pretty well, but there's always some things I didn't account for, always so many fucking things, and I ended up running 20 minutes late.

On the way, the world greeted me with so much beauty. Sunshine, big wispy clouds, a trace of a rainbow. Brilliant red trees still going strong, flocks of birds seconds too late to take a picture. I hoped it was a good omen - but it wasn't.

My mother, proudly punctual person that she is, probably resented my lateness a bit. She's used to it - but she goes back and forth between expecting and resenting it. Maybe it matters more on a day like this.

My father was gone - apparently had planned to stay until my mother told him she wasn't having it. Further sign his family probably wasn't doing Thanksgiving.

My brother was home - I, as always, happy to see him but never knowing what to expect. He'd been sick with the flu. He was on the more cranky and withdrawn side of his spectrum.

My mother started out a mix of cheerful and quieter than usual. My brother was unfriendly and a bit rude to her. Her eyes welled up with tears, and she sat in silence, and I felt her heartache - at her efforts never being appreciated, at her inability to connect with her child, at her dearth of family, at her joyless holidays, at her whole life. I wanted badly to think of more to say than I was able to, to liven things up somehow. It's not something I'm great at. I felt the inadequacy I'd felt with her all my life, at being too quiet. Sometimes it was something I was unfairly resented for, but sometimes being a better talker and socializer would genuinely be helpful. And I thought, if my brother and I are the only family she has left, holidays are going to be rough. This is the kind of thing she cares about. Even I felt something lacking. Even when we spent holidays alone, with our father, during COVID, it was a little different. Between him and my mother being talkative, and me somewhat trying, things didn't feel so dead even if my brother was quiet or cranky. Not that I would want my father to be a part now. But still, it's rough. Granted, my brother was sick and tired and maybe that affected things too. My mother had said he'd generally been friendlier with her lately. But he'd also refused her suggestions of medication and rest instead of going out, which made her feel bad too.

I remembered my mother mentioning she'd like to learn to play cards, or chess, and went searching for the cards or chessboard that had been in the house somewhere, asked my brother for help, couldn't find them anywhere. Desperate, I drove to Walgreens, bought a pack of cards, dragged over my tired reluctant brother, and played a game with them both. Then I played some more with my mother. I don't know that it made her happy per se, but at least it was a pleasant little distraction. Then she talked about her life and her health and how she was thinking of moving out because she couldn't keep living like this with my father.

My father came home at the same time as I did from Walgreens, his face stressed and weathered. We shared a cursory hug and Thanksgiving wishes. I felt kind of bad if he didn't get to have dinner with either family - he, like my mother, is the kind of person who needs that stuff. I don't really know how to feel about him now. His every transgression against my mother has made me feel intolerant toward him, but I feel sorry for him at the same time, and I don't know if being untethered from all meaningful relationships won't make him lose his mind more.

Anyway, he went to his room, and I didn't see him after that.

All in all, it was a pretty depressing affair, every person in that house unhappy, ever the cesspool of misery.

Afterward, I felt very tired and a bit sniffly for a couple of days. Friday, I had no energy and let myself do pretty much nothing. It was deserved after the past week. Yesterday, I managed to go to a store and do a few chores. Today I did a job application and a small work project, and was supposed to do more around the house at night but got sleepy. Overnight, it snowed, which I wasn't quite ready for, but after Thanksgiving, I can live with it.

Despite the unloading of heavy stuff here, there is so much more, and life is still largely good.

Now I'm hoping for a productive - but not stressful - end of November.

[project1939]

Day 57- Film: It Grows on Trees 

Release date: September 2nd, 1952. 

Studio: Universal Pictures 

Genre: Fantasy/Comedy 

Director: Arthur Lubin 

Producer: Leonard Goldstein 

Actors: Irene Dunne, Dean Jagger, Joan Evans 

Plot Summary: The Baxters are a typical middle class American family in the 1950s, struggling with paying bills and finding money for life expenses. One day mother Polly buys two mysterious trees that no one can identify. Suddenly $5 and $10 bills are appearing in all sorts of funny ways. Are the trees Polly bought growing money? 

My Rating (out of five stars): *** 

Another day, another whimsical fantasy comedy! I don’t think this was as consistently funny as Penny Princess, but it was still a lot of fun. The 84 minutes it lasted zipped by. 

The Good: 

Irene Dunne. First of all, she looks great for 53/54 years old! I thought she looked too young to be Jagger’s wife, but she was actually a few years older than he was! Second, her line delivery and vocal inflections were really interesting. I can’t explain it, but there’s something unique about the way she speaks, and I liked it. (I don’t remember it from Love Affair, so maybe it was intentionally different?) In any case, I just found her appealing all around. 

The goofy plot. It’s human nature to wonder what it would be like if money actually did grow on trees, and this movie did a decent job running through a lot of scenarios. Who would spend with speed and gusto? Who might feel more guilty? What about the way it would affect the value of the dollar? Could it be legal tender? What about taxes? And, if it actually were a plant, what would happen as the leaves or buds went through their life cycle? 

The actress who played the little girl was a gem. (Sandy Descher) Her delivery was so natural, and she was so cute in a normal little kid way, that I fell in love with her. And I am not a kid person at all. 

There was some “project pay off” for me, because I recognized the daughter from Skirts Ahoy! and the father from My Son John without having to look it up. They are two actors I would not have known before the project started, and now I was able to recognize both them and the other movies they starred in. Mini pat on the back. 

I liked the ending. As the movie was winding down, I wondered how it could end in any kind of satisfying or fun way. I loved what happened. I’m sure it could be divisive for some, but for me it was a funny surprise. 

The Bad: 

Sometimes the plot was a little too loosely structured as the complications piled up. 

I felt it got a little weaker as it went along. 

I hated the neighbor lady! I know I was supposed to, so I guess it was effective! But I just hated her. 

The ???: 

The actor who played the father. He’s a very good everyman actor, but I kept thinking about how much I hated his character in My Son John. He was the comfortably ignorant, or even aggressively ignorant father who became paranoid about his son being a communist just because he was a brilliant college student who questioned religion and cared about social justice.