#(not a problem just clarifying)

[forgettable-au]

FORGETTABLE-AU (page 82-85)

THAT LAZYBONES!!

[BEGINNING] [PREVIOUS] [CONTINUE]

[sapphicdalliances]

there are so many people who keep @-ing me lately who are obsessed with the idea of WWX being this underprivileged victim who suffered unfairly at every turn…

no, he wasn't a "scholarship kid" in contrast to JC being a trust fund kid, his family paid for him to go to college exactly the same as his brother, where he had the confidence to behave with absolutely no regard for consequences; before the war he carried a platinum credit card with JFM's name on it and he had job security from like age 10 as JC's future head of R&D

no, he was never treated as a servant, he was the HEAD DISCIPLE of a top 5 sect and afforded much of the privilege and respect that came with that. after the war he was JC's right hand, being second in the sect only to the sect leader. even in the burial mounds he never did a single chore and in fact got lightly scolded for creating more chores

he wasn't hated by the cultivation world because he was an uppity servant trying to climb beyond his class and making the gentry look bad through his own integrity and righteousness, he was hated because he was extremely powerful and super scary and violated a ton of social taboos and behaved erratically in public and seemed beholden to nobody

like girl… you're thinking of Meng Yao!

[ineffably-human]

So here's my problem.

And it's not about Nandermo, not exactly anyway. Because I didn't expect Nandermo to become textual until the very end, if at all. The show kept making it clear that they liked their ambiguity to keep the relationship on the razor's edge, and Paul Simms made it clearer and clearer that for some reason (put a pin in this) he just couldn't see their connection as a sexual one.

But I frankly don't care about that, because if anything is canon in this show it's that the vampires will eventually fuck everything, and Nandor canonically fucks his other friends. More importantly, their connection was always the emotional core of both characters. And Paul always did say he saw their relationship as a romance, if a strange and non-sexual one.

So I figured we'd maybe get Nandor confessing that Guillermo meant a lot to him (and immediately walking it back a little), or Guillermo confessing how lost he feels without his vampire dream and Nandor offering him a place. Maybe an ambiguous, could-just-be-queerplatonic-partners 'I love you'. Maybe just the hug they kept teasing for three or four seasons and never got. We got like...half of two of those, in episode 10, so I guess that's a wobbly semi-fulfilled thing by my definition of it.

But it's not the Nandermo of it all. It's the Guillermo of it all. And how this final episode seemed to almost mock Guillermo's place at the emotional core of the show.

And the Guillermo of it all is why we never got the Nandermo of it all.

Shadows has vampires doing absurd-ass things, but every character also has things they want and feel, and there are various amounts of emotional ink spilled about it. The show has found space, sometimes very poignant space, to take that seriously in between the piss and sex jokes. The vampires change very slowly and in spirals, they repeat a lot of their old issues that stem back even to their mortal lives. But they always try.

And things do change in the vampire house; that is not the same household from the first season. Every single character, right down to the Baron and the Guide and Derek, are in different and better places than they were before the show began. They've made progress in their individual desires, and a lot of that is due to the improved connections they have with each other, connections we've watched them foster. A lot of the time it's because they're talked about as a found family, something Guillermo started and Guillermo believed before any of the rest of them did.

---

So where is Guillermo this season? Our human point of view, our dynamic character, the character who has a dream and wants something more than any of the others? Whose dream drives the storyline of the entire show?

Guillermo has chosen to be human, and he thinks he can't be part of the household if he's not a vampire. We watch Guillermo try to throw himself back into the human world trying to make up for lost time - to the point that he forgets the person he called his best friend, the people he called his family, in a way I think we never fully resolve. He thinks he's thriving, and he doesn't even seem upset about leaving the others behind.

We watch him revert (and that's fine, people revert sometimes) to the same waiting lapdog he was when we started the series. We watch him realize that and he says no. Nandor stands up for him, and feels better and more fulfilled in doing so, and that's a great capstone for Nandor and Nandor's own tendency for selfishness. And that's excellent. Episode 10 was a great start for all the ground they had to cover.

Nandor offers for Guillermo to be his partner in crime. His sidekick, but Guillermo expressed that desire back in season one so it's not an insult inherently. But here's the problem. Here's the part of Guillermo that has frankly always been a problem, because I thought it's something the show was eventually going to cover respectfully, and instead it was always part of the joke.

---

Guillermo is someone who made a decision sixteen years ago as part of a very young man's desire, to be respected and have cool powers, to live forever, to see the world. (He somehow thought being a vampire, and only a vampire, could get him those things but that's a rant for another time.)

That young man has grown up. He's in his mid-thirties, he has a body count. We've watched him at various times be empathetic, clever, cunning, and brave. Also extremely sexy in bodyguard gear. (And for some reason, the show keeps wanting us to forget that for a season he was extremely competent and badass and sexy pretty much all the time, and he seemed thrilled to be in that role, and he didn't even care about being a vampire if he could protect Nandor in that way and be regarded as 'part of the team'.)

Then Nandor dresses him in a stupid cowboy costume, and gives him a sidekick name ending in 'Kid', which he seems less than thrilled about. They all still talk about him the entire episode as if he's a disobedient child. The vampires speculate if Guillermo is having a fling with the crew, but no - Guillermo's had one boyfriend, who we saw him hug once and nothing more. Despite living in a house for fifteen years that is openly raunchy and shameless, he seems like a character designed to be both desexed and humiliated, and they never expand on the reason why.

(And if Guillermo were ace it'd be amazing, hell it's my headcanon at this point, but I don't think that's what they're going for. I think the show just desexualizes Guilermo. As a matter of praxis. For some reason.)

And the show has done this more and more to Guillermo in the later seasons. Nandor says he could steal original!Freddie easily from Guillermo if he wanted to. The vampires laugh at the thought of him being a vampire - "a little bat pooping everywhere," and Guillermo's time as a vampire has him basically feeling no different in his sexuality or, after a very brief moment, his confidence. Even Nandor's big climactic moment in Episode 10 has him saying that just because Guillermo isn't as cool or hot or interesting or strong as Jordan (or Nandor) doesn't mean Guillermo deserves to be treated poorly.

Look, I don't know if it's because Harvey Guillen is babyfaced, or because he's fat, or because he carries a different energy to his masculinity. Or because it's great to talk about gay sex and being horny, but writing a gay relationship is just too hard. Or some fun combination of all those things.

But I keep thinking about everyone freaking out when Nandor swooped into the collapsed floorboards to save Guillermo in season 4, and everyone freaked out and swooned. And Paul Simms expressed that as "[Nandor] has to save his little buddy."

Guillermo is a grown-ass man, with a desire to feel powerful and special and accepted, who Nandor sees as his little buddy. (Who everyone in the house sees as their little buddy, and it's nice he's part of the family, but...) After every emotional beat that makes them seem like equals with a special connection, he reverts to the less-cool sidekick who makes Nandor feel special and important. And Guillermo's prior devotion to Nandor - not to vampirism, not to a job or promotion, to Nandor - changes to other things, but Nandor never figures out why that hurts him so much. And for some reason the deepest bond of the series just isn't sexual, the showrunner just can't see it that way, in a house where everyone's fucking but not you Guillermo.

We're at the end of the story, and that's our punchline.

---

And we don't end on one of the points where Guillermo is asserting himself as someone who deserves to be taken seriously, and given the things he wants - and the show has had plenty of those moments, all of which seem to be building and evolving his relationships over the years.

We end on Guillermo being told that suddenly, the documentary is packing up without any fanfare or clarity on what they were looking for in the first place. We get Guillermo stumbling for clarity on what it all meant, what the point was for him and what his life is going to be now. We're told over and over again the documentary (and Guillermo, and the viewers) needs a satisfying capstone, needs emotional closure.

And the vampires tell him to shut up. And they tell him this has all happened before, and none of it is special to them. ("No human is special," Nandor said several episodes ago, and never went back on it.) And they tell him to do a little dance for their amusement, and Colin recites some pithy lines. And every attempt to take a moment to care about Guillermo's journey, or the core of his character and what he needs, is turned into a joke for him and for us.

Guillermo's looking for a point to it all, for some kind of fulfillment, and there wasn't one. And everyone is satisfied in that but him. And even if there were times Guillermo got the chance to be respected, to have cool powers (which he kept, but the vampires keep forgetting them), to live forever (he will die and leave Nandor someday!), to see the world - none of these things are going to come to him now.

It would make absolute, complete, and devastating sense for Guillermo to feel he's outgrown them and to leave. Nandor doesn't even seem upset enough to try and stop him. We never really get a clear reason about why he decides to stay.

I mean, it's for friendship or something, with a line about how they can still be close but he needs 'his own thing'. But in six seasons, over and over and over, we've been driven back to the idea that the most emotional part of this story is Guillermo's desire to become accepted in this family, and the effect he has on Nandor. That Guillermo needs this home and he consistently makes Nandor softer, kinder, less selfish and more fulfilled when they're together.

But those parts of their relationship, the love story parts, don't matter. Guillermo is going to find 'his own thing' when it's been clear how entrenched in this world he is (right down to his DNA), but Nandor will drag him back into shenanigans anyway, probably keeping Guillermo from whatever 'his own thing' is.

And Guillermo will always be Nandor's sidekick, his little buddy, never to be taken seriously. And one day, Guillermo will die, and he'll be someone they all forget. And for some reason, he'll be just fine with that, because he belongs with them but will never really be in a better position.

And he'll be satisfied with that. For some reason. But I won't.

[dizzybevvie]

No bc Warrior Cats genuinely couldve done something with Starclan and generational trauma and romanticising "old times" and the warrior code because Starclan arent deities theyre just dead people but instead we get another 6 books of Will They/Wont They with a TigerStar clone

[opossumanon]

I finished this a couple days ago!!

[rennelelorren]

Why do people hating on zutara that much even after all this years I'll never understand.

Also I'll never understand how people act as if zutara is the worst ship in this fandom. And the most problematic (tho no-one bat an eye when it's zukka) by the way how people literally despise it and throwing all those little tantrums.

And to me it seems like people know nothing about all the ugly, dirty and horrible ships that exist in this saint (at first glance) fandom.

How about Ozai/Zuko, Ozai/Azula, Azula/Zuko, Ozai/Hakoda, Ozai/Kya, Ozai/Hakoda/Kya, Jee/Zuko, Zhao/Zuko, Zhao/Azula?

So, is zutara still the worst ship?

Like REALLY

[vylanka]

just remembered watching mcd and thinking "oh, garroth and levin looking alike is supposed to be a symbolic way to show that garroth is levin's father figure! that's sweet!" and then entering the fandom and realizing that a large portion of the fandom interpreted it as "MATILDA HAD AN AFFAIR WITH GARROTH"

[marisol-peony]

book!percy and book!annabeth

close-ups 💖

[sleepy-the-loz-enthusiast]

Realised I haven't posted much art here apart from sending it in asks so-

I drew some art for @crazylittlejester 's latest fic (found here, please go read it it's amazing) !!!

How does one draw someone crocheting and lighting help-

Anyways, I hope this isn't horrible to look at, have a wonderous existence !!!

[dykedvonte]

do you think curly and anya got into arguments? what do you think is the silliest thing they ever argued over?

I think they all got into arguments. Stuck in a small space with only so much to occupy you with the same like 4 people. You learn patterns, you learn habits and odd little behaviors' they have. You learn to love or loathe them but I personally think these two would keep those type of gripes to themselves.

Personally I think they would argue over game nights because Curly is very much a “I don't really care about the game or if i win or lose ill have fun either way” person and Anya is so prideful and insistent that Curly would be so bitter if he kept losing, like her. It becomes a repeated back and forth because Curly is adamant he just would not care cause it’s a game, even mentions he lets himself lose with Jimmy a lot and they have a better time for it, and Anya just grabs him like the Cosmo and Timmy meme and rants about the thrill of running someone's pockets dry when they land on your properties in monopoly. He is taking the piss out of her. Like I feel like their arguments are just a bit absurd most of the time and like two casual friends teasing each other's quirks.

Though I feel if they had a real argument it would feel less like an argument and more like the most tense discussion of "I feel" statements and dead end routes. I can only really see them "arguing" about Curly's own health. Not pertaining to the games events (I tend to answer these type of asks as if it is prior or didn't happen), Curly does just seem to neglect himself in favor of is duties routinely, subsequentially impacting those duties. It's a lot of "I feel like you should rest more." or "I feel like this is not healthy for you." from Anya that inevitably turn into "Captain, this is not a good habit to have". Curly is a lot of "I feel fine"s that turn into "Please do not worry about me, Nurse Anya." and a sort of petty professionalism they put on when the other is being stubborn about the issue. I feel like he's also just a bit of a nag since he tries really hard to not be stern so its a sort of pestering but that's not Anya's specific.

They just don't seem like the types to bicker with each other because I don't think they want to be heated with each other, like arguing or you'd have to push them to that point unless it's something silly, in which the arguments sound like "I know you are but what am I >:)".

[kobr4z]

Actually, "Papu" has no translation...

It's more like a hispanic meme and could be interpreted as "dude"

[patolemus]

Stiles sits in the front row at the funeral.

He’s next to Mellisa, who hasn’t been able to stop crying since she got the news. Stiles’ dad had organized the whole thing, talking with the funerary home and picking up the coffin and the arrangements. He’d only asked Melissa what she wanted on the headstone.

Raphael had showed up the day after. For the first time in his life, he’d looked a mess, hair everywhere and clothes wrinkled as he stormed into the house asking what had happened to his son, tears already gathering in his eyes before he even got a look at Melissa’s face. Stiles hadn’t made fun of him. Stiles hadn’t said anything at all. Raphael sits on Melissa’s other side now, and she grips his hand tight enough it turns white. He hasn’t been back for five years.

God, Scott hadn’t seen his had for five years, and now he’s dead. Scott’s dead.

Stiles thinks it still hasn’t sunk in. He’s in the middle of his best friend’s funeral - it’s closed casket because his body was so mangled up that the EMPs could barely recognize him. Stiles had heard his dad on the phone with one of his deputies talking about it, before he’d realized just whose body they were talking about - and it still hasn’t clicked that Scott won’t be coming out of his casket, that this isn’t some kind of sick practical joke for getting him out of bed the night before school started.

Stiles is not crying. He hasn’t cried once since hearing the news. His dad is crying, sitting on his other side. Scott’s like a second son to him.

Was. Scott was like a second son to him. Was because he’s gone now. Because he’s dead.

Scott’s dead.

His best friend since preschool is dead. His brother is dead. The kindest, most caring person in the world is dead. Stiles goaded him into going to the preserve to look for half a dead body - and God, he’s such an asshole. A dead body? What was he even thinking? - and now Scott doesn’t even get to show his face at his own funeral because whatever killed him barely left any of him to bury.

If only he’d stayed. If only he’d told his dad Scott was with him that night instead of leaving him there. But no, Stiles hadn’t wanted Scott to get grounded because he dragged him out of bed, so he’d kept quiet. Even when he’d seen the pair of red eyes and that— that thing in the corner of his eye. Stiles hadn’t said anything. He thought they’d laugh about it at lunch the next day.

Now Scott’s dead.

Scott is dead.

And Stiles knows exactly what did it.

(He’s going to fucking kill it.)

[sieglinde-freud]

having tea with this guy is exhausting. fucking guess which one he wanted to hear from me. god lorenz… AND HES ONLY AT 6 CHARM.

[bananonbinary]

finally some good fucking ai discourse

ai being used to generate shit recipes, patterns, and other forms of advice and instruction is honestly one of my biggest concerns with it right now, it's at best extremely frustrating and at worst actively dangerous to people that trust it.

we as a society REALLY need to fix this thing where profitability is prioritized over things like "not telling kids to eat rat poison or whatever," sooner rather than later. that's not strictly an ai problem, the regular human lies are what ann reardon has been trying to combat for years in Debunking, but the scrutiny that ai is under because of all the hype, and the way these things are being marketed as a positive thing, are certainly highlighting how much corporations do not give a fuck.

[lees-chaotic-brain]

okay, so i know i've been talking about potentially moving blogs for a little while now, and i just wanted to give you guys an update by answering some questions i'm sure you have

Why are you changing blogs?

When I first started this blog, I wrote what I wanted to when I wanted to with no pressure. However, as I started getting more and more requests I began to feel pressured and overwhelmed. I would like to create a new safe space for myself where I can write what I want and not be burdened by the guilt of knowing there are requests sitting in my inbox.

2. If that's the case, then why not ignore the requests?

I know that's the logical response, but it's difficult for me to do that. It's burnt me out so badly and at this point I need to start over.

3. What does this mean for lees-chaotic-brain?

I will still be active on this blog! Even if it takes me a decade, I do intend to eventually work my way through all of the requests in my inbox, even if that means posting once every few months while i write what i want to write on my new blog. Not that I don't want to write the requests. I just need some time to write fics that I'm extremely motivated to write, and get over this slump.

4. What's your new url?

I will share it when the time feels right, but I'm also not trying to hide it! There's a chance you'll stumble upon it once I start posting stuff, and you'll most likely be able to tell it's me. However I will be following mutuals on it, and anyone (mutual or not) who wants my new url can feel free to dm/send an ask requesting it and I'll share it!

Lastly, this blog has been a huge part of my life for the last few years, so while this is by no means goodbye or the end, this feels bittersweet. thank you so much to each and every single person who followed, liked, reblogged, or even took the time of day to read my work. you guys are amazing. I love you all so much <3

xoxo, lee

[wolvebonez]

style experimentation!!! for a story ive been pondering on:) It's very important to me that, if i ever commit to making a comic with this story, that it has a realistic-leaning style. It needs to feel very grounded, but also being simplified into a way that allows distinguishable character designs and is feasibly simple enough for a comic/graphic novel or comic-adjacent format.

I'm more happy with the first, even if the second is a bit more realistic leaning! the first defiantly is cleaner and more distinguishable i think, and has more "personality"(?) than the second, even if the second is in an more dynamic pose. But thats just my thoughts on it so far- if anyone has feedback I'd love to hear it!!!