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clockworkgraystairs · 4 years

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There is no such thing as vampires #1 || Jurdan AU

Jurdan Smut Week 2020 • DAY 2

The prompt was technically dagger play...it didn’t really worked that way but HEY more smut! (vampire smut cough)

@jurdannet @jurdannetrevels

Rating: E (no I don’t mean ‘everyone’)

Warnings: Explicit content, mentions of blood, some biting (it’s a vampire au c’mon), swear words (just in case)

Summary:

Behind me stands a tall, slender man dressed in black trousers and one of those puffy white shirts men always use in period TV dramas. Raven curls frame the sharp angles of his face and his pale skin resembles marble. I stare at him unsure if my eyes widen because of the scare or how good looking he is. Maybe both.

His lips curve as if he finds my reaction somehow satisfying.

Extra comments: Just because I’m extra af, I’ll leave you the ambience music videos I listened while writing this. In case you’d like to hear them while reading:

Rain in a forest at night - Haunted Mansion/rain/thunder/wind - Narnia Lullaby

Written for: @slightlyrebelliouswriter23 MA’AM AS ALWAYS THANK YOU FOR ALL THE HELP AND SUPPORT, FOR BETAING THIS UNENDING PIECE AND FOR HELPING ME CRAFTING THE IDEA FOR IT! ❤️

Part 1 || Part 2

Masterlist • AO3

“Please tell me again why are we doing this?” I ask for the third time, leaning to rest my head on my sister’s shoulder. We bounce as the uncomfortable van we travel in turns to a cobbled path, leading us deeper into the woods.

“Because,” Vivi hisses back. “Your little brother is currently in his Twilight-obsession phase, and he just broke up with his girlfriend so we’re trying to cheer him up!”

“He’s 9! And they lasted like, what? Four hours?”

In that moment, Oak turns violently from the front seat, scowling at me. “First of all Jude, we were together two full days ok? She was the love of my life and suddenly she’s not sure about us anymore? Now I shall never find love again! I might have to become a priest. I expect a little consideration.”

Vivi ruffles his hair affectionately. “We absolutely understand, your sister here doesn’t have an ounce of romance in her veins but of course she supports the cause.”

That said, he returns to his place. I bite my lip hard, trying not to laugh. Typical Oak. I love my brother I really do, even if half of the time I can’t understand his dramatic outbursts.

Sighing, I stare through the window, to the heavy clouds gathering on top of us. Great. We are probably far away from the highway by now, nothing more than trees, rocks and occasional wild animals around. For some reason, our father had thought that there was no better way of fixing a kid’s broken heart than going on a quest in search of legends and hidden castles.

The thing is that apparently, it works. Instead of an incessant whining about love being doomed, my brother spends the days throwing the most random facts about werewolves, vampires, ghosts and any impossible creature. To be honest, I don’t think wikipedia and the Twilight books are a reliable source, but if it makes Oak happy I could live a couple of days with it. And most importantly if I have to choose between this or spending the week back at home with my mother and twin sister going to tea parties for old ladies, well, the answer is very clear.

I remember reading a few books about myths when I was younger. When I turned fifteen, I developed a hard crush on Brad Pitt after I saw Interview with the Vampire, filling half of the walls in my room with posters of him. Even now ten years later, I actually enjoy talking about old folklore and legends, urban myths and stuff like that.

What bugs me, are the fraudulent morons who want to take advantage of Oak’s naive curiosity to engage us in the most ridiculous tours that were obviously a waste of money. So far, we’d entered three “museums” where most of the so-called relics were made of plastic, and a haunted house with special effects so poorly done, father had discreetly asked for his money back. Only another two of the places we visited were actually interesting, but since the guides spent most of the time flirting with Vivi or me, it had annoyed our father.

Now though, we are driving behind the car of an old couple who swore their ancestors owned a castle where true vampires had lived once. The sole mention of the word “castle” was enough to make Oak hang from our father’s sleeve begging to go.

I’m not going to lie, it is an intriguing idea. But I remain a little worried about how much money Madoc is ready to pay before he hurries his little son back to his fantasy books and videogames.

“Dad, did you know that vampires like to live in the woods because it allows them to make racing competitions without being interrupted?” Oak asks with enthusiasm.

Madoc gasps. “Do they? Is it because they’re so fast?”

Okay, he might be willing to pay more than I thought. Next to me, Vivi muffles a laugh and keeps taking pictures for her instagram, occasionally asking for my help.

Upon arriving at the castle I have to suppress a curse. This, now, is a real castle. Nothing like the pitiful buildings we’d visited before. It is huge, made of pure stone and a modest wooden bridge that connects the entrance with the spot where the cars park. A slight fog covers the sides of the castle giving it a creepier look.

A shiver goes down my back. I turn to find my family who are all equally gaping at the place in front of them. Oak is visibly shaking with excitement. Vivi shoots me an astonished look before taking my brother’s hand and following the couple across the bridge.

The first thought that pops into my mind is that this place must have been taken out from a movie. Or set up for one. Maybe this is one of those pranks for TV. There is no other explanation for the massive room we find behind the giant front gate. Every inch of the walls is covered by paintings, several images barely recognizable through the dust. Aged furniture rests under dust and spiderwebs, pointing out they haven’t been used in quite some time. The illumination doesn’t help either. Electric lights hang from a few spots on the walls, though not enough for the big space, which I suspect is the reason that long candles are lit up too.

My next thought is that I should’ve brought my sweater. The damn place is freezing.

“Phew, sorry about the dust!” The old man says, flashing an embarrassed smile to us. “We were not planning to have any visitors yet.”

“You said this is going to be a museum?” Madoc asks, carefully surveying the walls. Next to him, Vivi tightens her hold on my brother’s hand to prevent him from starting to run around. I swear his eyes are about to pop out of their sockets.

“It will indeed! This place has been in our family for generations, but since it’s hard to adapt it to modern technology it was abandoned.” He turns to Oak and winks. “Not to mention the creepy things that happen here all the time.”

His gaze widens. “What kind of things?”

“Well, some distant relatives used to try spending their vacations here. But after a couple of days they left in a big rush, claiming some strange force had commanded them to go away.” With a lower voice, he adds. “They also mentioned noises coming out from empty rooms and dark hallways. Steps. Shadows that followed them along the place.”

For a second everyone remains silent. The only noise I can hear is the wind outside and the start of a slight rain. Somehow my hands are even colder.

“The legend says,” The woman, whose name is Marrow if I remember it correctly, continues while taking one chandelier with her hand. “This was the hideout of ancient vampires, how many, we don’t know. But they didn’t appreciate people trying to live within their domains.”

“So why come here at all?” Vivi asks. “Isn’t it dangerous?”

“It might be.” She shrugs. “But that’s half of the fun, isn’t it?”

“We like to think we’ve found a safe way to open this castle to the public without taking any risks. We will use a part of it as a museum, to show some of the family relics. But be aware, no one is allowed to go further than the marked area.” He signals at the yellow tape stuck on the floor forming arrows.

“If you please...” Marrow says, motioning at the stairs where the markings start.

They get me for a moment, not gonna lie. The surroundings and the way they speak are creepy enough to make me doubt my beliefs for a second. I shake my head to clear those thoughts away and walk behind my family. There’s no such thing as vampires or haunted castles.

We go through passages. Madoc has to remind Oak to not touch anything, constantly. From what I see, he’s living his best day. Several counters line up side by side against the wall. Some of them contain jewelry, others weapons, old writing pens among other things. Most of them carry a family shield, although it’s too blurry to properly identify what it says.

The rain thickens outside and Marrow keeps talking. She tells the story of her so called ancestors, whose family were big enough to fill all the rooms in the castle. Elwen, Eldred… something like that, and his many wives had once lived here. Along with his abounding children. I see in Oak’s face the intention to ask about how that family arrangement worked but Vivi gives him a slight pull of his hair.

I would have thought our guides would try to keep a proud name for their so-called ancestors. But they don’t. In fact, she seems particularly interested in explaining how Eldred’s cruel and terrible nature brought him nothing but disgrace. His once prosperous castle and assets were gone little by little. He claimed he was under the effects of a curse, but no one dared believing him. At least not until people started disappearing.

I stop listening at some point, focusing my attention on the relics in front of me. I’ve always felt a significant attraction to weapons, but not the ordinary ones like guns or rifles. These ones though, such beautiful daggers and swords. I’d give a kidney just to hold one of them.

On the next shelf books pile one next to the other, the dust around them a clear sign of how long they’ve been unbothered. All except for one. The navy blue cover has almost no dust at all, yet it looks like it would fall apart with a gentle blow of wind. The title is partially gone, probably through time.

I turn my head to my family but they’re gone, probably to another corridor since I can still hear the muffled voice of Marrow and my brother. Would she care at all if I check out that book?

I bite my lip. As long as it doesn’t break it’s probably alright. Standing on the tip of my toes I reach for it.

“That is an excellent book.”

I shriek and whip around, my hand flies to my mouth trying to cover the embarrassing sound. The book falls open next to my feet.

His lips curve as if he finds my reaction somehow satisfying. “My personal favorite. Too bad the author was a poisonous bunch-backed toad.”

My mouth opens to apologize, but I only manage to let out a strangled. “Shit”

The stranger lifts an eyebrow and chuckles.

“Sorry, I- that wasn’t what I meant to say.” I stutter. I feel as if my heart has jumped to my throat. “I wasn’t trying to steal the book.”

“I did not say you were.” He answers, his voice is like velvet.

I nod and take a deep breath. “I came in with my family. Marrow is showing us the place.”

His dark eyes wander down my body, but not like one of those rude men on the streets. No. Something in his gaze feels feral, like an animal sizing up his prey. A strange urge to run pools in my stomach, yet at the same time my muscles seem to have forgotten how to do so.

He looks me in the eyes again and it’s all gone. I let go of the tension in my back and a breath I didn’t know I was holding. When he smiles again, I feel as if I could trust him. Why shouldn’t I?

“And are you enjoying the tour?” He bends to pick up the book I’d dropped before and puts it back on the shelf. His movements are fluid and carefree. I doubt I’ve ever seen such elegance in a simple action. It is unsettling as much as it is attractive. Then I realize I’m supposed to answer.

“Yes, this is amazing actually.” I look around and take in the aged stone of the walls and ceiling. In that corridor there’s only one electric lamp, the rest is only lightened by candles. I can see our shadows dancing along to the flames. “All of this really helps getting in the ‘mood’.”

“The mood?”

I look at him and notice his tilted head. “Yeah you know, the mood of enchanted castles and old legends. This is well put enough that a credulous person would believe any story. Marrow is pretty good at it too.” Motioning a hand to him I add. “They even have their own actor.”

A thunder roars outside. “I beg your pardon?”

I roll my eyes and flash him a smile. “You don’t really have to keep the charade with me. I’m not some schoolgirl.”

“Yet I managed to pull a scream out of you, didn’t I?” The way he says it feels as if he was talking about an entirely different subject. Heat creeps up my cheeks.

“That was… not the same.” I mumble. “I didn’t hear you approaching. That could scare the living hell out of anybody.”

“I have been told I am quite sneaky, I concede you that.” He nods. “Why don’t I give you the rest of the tour? As an apology, of course.”

He’s doing his job, I remind myself, he’s not flirting with you.

“You haven’t even told me your name.” I say. “If we’re roaming around a castle together I should at least know who’s guiding me.”

That sounded an awful lot like flirting. Dammit.

“Cardan, at your service madam.” The tone he uses feels like a caress, he bows his head in a way I’ve only seen in movies. He takes his role seriously. I almost chuckle, but the sound dies in my throat.

“Cardan.” I repeat, just for the pleasure of doing it. “My name is Jude.”

He straightens. “Delighted to meet your acquaintance.” He answers and offers me his arm. “Shall we, Jude?”

I can’t believe how far away my family has gone. Cardan and I walk through a couple of corridors and still there is no trace of them. Did we take that long talking?

He’s an excellent guide, I have to acknowledge that.

While Marrow uses a tone of suspense and mystery, Cardan has this melancholy in his voice that sounds as if he’s talking about a memory. It’s bewitching. He also drops the most ridiculous “facts” about the people on the paintings. I refrain myself from asking if inventing things is allowed for employees, because saying that the girl with the pearl necklace enjoyed to play on the beach while saying she was the Princess of the Sea, certainly sounds like it.

“If you bite your lip one more time, I am going to do it for you.”

My heart skips a bit and I let go of my lower lip. I hadn’t realized I was tugging it. It’s an unconscious habit. I turn to him and I find his gaze different, hungry. It sends a shiver down to a place I know it shouldn’t. He arches an eyebrow as though he notices it.

“Is that a thing vampires like to do?” I say, trying to lighten the mood. The last thing I want him to know is that for the last twenty minutes I’ve been listening to him speak wishing he put a different use to that wicked mouth of his.

His gaze doesn’t change. “It is a thing I would like to do.”

I am pretty sure my expression is giving me up by now. Knowing my traitorous body, I’m probably flushed, my mouth open in awe. Desire coils inside me.

At my lack of answer, he continues. “Why don’t I show you something vampires really like to do?”

He walks back without letting go of my hand. I notice he steps out from the marked section and into a forbidden corridor.

The sensation returns, the one that is telling me to run. The problem is that I don’t know whether to run away, or straight to it. My mind wants both and my body, only one.

“You’re going to the restricted area.” I’m partially surprised by how breathless my voice sounds. “You can’t go in there…”

Cardan pauses and a confused expression crosses his face. A second later, it returns to his charming and teasing smile. “Are you afraid?”

I am.

Yet, I don’t care. I walk into the shadows with him.

As we cross the passage darkened by the lack of chandeliers I tell myself this is a terrible, terrible idea. The way he devours my mouth the moment a door slams shut behind us, convinces me it is the best.

Cardan pushes me against the wall, the cold temperature of the stone goes through my clothes making me gasp. He takes the opportunity and kisses me harder, his tongue explores my mouth with such deliciousness I have to bite back a moan.

My fingers are tangled in his hair pulling him closer to me, if such a thing is even possible. His hands are everything but still. They roam intensely from my breasts, down my sides and finally to my rear, where he grabs me, pressing me against his pelvis. I hear him groan and the sound makes something clench inside me.

Before I can double-think about it, one of my hands lowers to rub his hardness, still hidden behind his trousers. His breath hitches. He pulls back a bit and whispers to my ear. “Needy little human.”

I frown a moment, something about his words not clicking inside my brain but whatever it is I forget it the moment he slides his cold hands under my jersey. I yelp at the sensation, not sure if what flutters down my back is a result of the temperature or the eagerness which he’s holding me with. When he reaches my bra I hesitate for a moment. Cardan pauses too and leans back to stare into my eyes.

“Do you want to stop?” His voice is throaty and charged with desire. Still, he doesn’t make a move, waiting for my answer.

An instinctive part of me knows this is something I shouldn’t be doing. But that’s definitely not any close to me wanting to stop. Without removing my eyes from his I take the hem of my jersey to pull it over my head. The piece of fabric hits the floor, but neither of us pays attention to it. Once again Cardan’s gaze roams me in that predatory way.

I don’t stagger this time.

When my bra falls to the floor too, I take his hand and guide it to my jean’s button. “Do I look like I want to stop?”

Without hesitation he yanks the button open and slides his hand inside to cup the apex of my thighs. The contrast of my warm skin against his coldness makes my hips buck. Cardan buries his other hand in my hair and tilts my head back. I can feel his lips nipping down my jaw and my neck. A moan escapes my lips as he swipes a finger along my heat. He hums in response, the vibrations of it against my neck makes my eyes roll back.

He continues his ministrations until he feels me wet enough to slide a finger inside, he curls and pulls out. Then back inside. My breath comes out in elaborated pants as he quickens his pace. My hands almost finish unbuttoning his shirt when he slides another finger through my folds, his movements turn fast and punishing. Wet sounds taint the silence around us. As pleasure takes full control of my body I cling to him like a life saver, trying to muffle my moans.

“Let go Jude, let go for me.” He breathes next to my ear. My back arches and I sob a curse, writhing down on his hand.

He slows down as I come back from my orgasm, but never stops. Despite the freezing surroundings a drop of sweat runs down my chest. My heart beats as if I just ran a marathon. Cardan’s lazy moves continue, frequently grazing that spot that makes me mewl.

I hear him sigh. “You smell so good.” He claims my mouth one more time and bites me hard enough to make me wince. His tongue caresses my lower lip and a warm throb expands through my veins. He freezes and pulls back, releasing me. I stare at him in confusion, or at least as much as I can manage giving my current state.

He pants a couple of times before looking up at me. There’s a fiercess in his eyes that would’ve been scary under normal situations, right now, it only makes me want him more. He swallows before finally speaking. “If we go further, I won’t be able to stop.” His voice is like sandpaper.

My body seems to work on its own account, as I move to cup his face between my hands. “I already told you.”

“Jude…” He warns me, but I interrupt him joining my lips to his.

“I want this.” I breathe into his mouth. Cardan lets out a defeated groan before pulling my body back against his. Either he’s been holding back or it is until that moment that I realize how strong he actually is. He kisses me like a starved man and I can feel my pulse rise once again.

Soon his shirt joins my other clothing. My fingers trace his chest and torso, marveled at the softness of his skin. I mimic him moments before and kiss his neck. A low sound that almost resembles a growl comes out from his throat. My hands travel lower.

Somehow I manage to free his raging erection from his trousers, closing my hand around him. He hisses and then tilts his hips up to my touch. I start pumping him with unsure movements before gaining confidence to do it harder, tighter. Now it’s his turn to curse. Even though it sounds like something taken out from a Shakespeare novel, it makes my core pulse.

Cardan grips the hem of my jeans strong enough that for a moment I fear he’d rip them away.

“Take these off.” He demands instead.

I’m not sure of how I manage to do it. My mind feels blurred with a mix of sensations. Disoriented, not sure about exactly how my body is doing all of that, and the bliss of knowing I’m enjoying every second of it.

Before the air hits my skin, Cardan lifts me from the ground. My legs circle his waist in a reflexive move. His lips quirk in approval. Then my back is once again pressed against the wall, making me arch in a failed attempt to avoid touching the cold stone. A sound leaves my mouth, though it is not clear if it’s a protest or a moan. I hear him chuckle in my ear and I turn my head, searching his lips.

His kiss is slower but still deep. I feel as if small electric sparks are tickling every single one of my nerves. More, I need more. Cardan holds me in place with his hips, letting his hands wander up and down my legs.

The tip of his shaft is grazing my core over the thin fabric of my remaining piece of clothing, with an aching slowness that is not enough to ease my thirst. More.

I might have said that out loud because Cardan’s hips grind faster against me. It feels so good. And yet, it’s not enough.

I whine his name like a plea.

He continues for a couple of torturing seconds before reaching between my thighs again. There’s no teasing now as he moves my panties aside and immediately sinks his fingers inside me, pumping in and out with a pace that has me gasping in no time. He murmurs something I can’t understand and lines himself up to my entrance.

With soft, deliberate movements he slides through my heat, letting me feel every inch of him until he’s completely filling me. Then he stills. My muscles twitch around him, trying to adjust to the invasion. The exquisiteness of it is making my head swoon.

Cardan grabs my jaw and locks his gaze with mine. I can imagine what he’s looking at. Hooded eyes and flushed skin, though he doesn’t let me think a lot about it as he starts to move. Slow at first, with careful strokes that quickly evolve into long and deep. My mouth falls open at the sensation and my eyes shut.

“I warned you.” I hear him pant. “That there was no coming back.”

A whimper escapes my lips. I’m not even sure I’m actually trying to say something. He doesn’t seem to care either and leans to whisper to my ear. “You are mine now, Jude.”

There is something in the way he says it, his words carrying some compelling implication I can’t fully catch. His lips trail down my neck and I want to answer. To tell him that I am, that after the way he’s taking me, how could it be otherwise?

That’s when I feel a sharp stinging pain on the base of my throat.

I cry out and try to shake it away but whatever it is won’t let me go. Cardan’s words echo at the back of my mind, Needy little human.

As if sensing my thoughts he grabs my thighs and opens them wider, he thrusts into me harder and faster. Everything mixes in sensation. Pain leaves as fast as it came, leaving behind it that throb in my veins I can’t really explain. It is more intense now, what I felt as warm now is scorching. My entire body feels like it’s on fire, I’ve never felt so exhilarated before in my life. I don’t want it to stop.

Cardan sucks on my neck again and I moan his name. Without realizing it, I’m on the brink of another orgasm. I only realize it because he groans when my legs start to shiver around him. I cling to his neck and his hair. If I’m pulling too hard I can’t really know. A familiar swirl comes up from my core to the rest of my body as I spasm around him. It takes me a moment to notice the broken moans and sobs I hear come from my own mouth.

He keeps going a little longer until his fingers tighten over my skin, surely leaving bruises on both thighs. Muffled moans ring against my skin as he comes, thrusting in a couple of times more before stilling. A warm sensation covers the place where we join together. His mouth lets go of my neck. I grunt and shiver.

He puts me down carefully, still holding my waist, which is good considering I don’t know if I’m able to stand by myself. I feel dizzy. Cardan lowers his lips to mine one more time. He’s slow and gentle as though he’s worried. There is a slightly metallic taste in his tongue but I don’t pay attention to it. I trace the fine features of his face with trembling fingers. Little by little my senses start to take in the surroundings, the cold.

The place rumbles with another crack of thunder.

“You have to go back.” Cardan says, barely pulling his lips apart. Go back. I frown, then images of my family crash in my mind. I look around searching for the door, there is something on the floor. I realize soon those are my clothes. Shit. The tour, Oak. How much time have I been gone?

I dress in a hurry, not really caring if I put on my jersey correctly. He does the same but with the calm an elegance he has.

Panic must be written in my face because he grabs my chin and turns me to him. “Hey. Calm down.” He soothes me. Then his tone changes, turns commanding. His eyes are darker too. “Listen to me. You are going to do exactly as I say, do you understand Jude?”

I want to ask why, but for some reason I only nod. Cardan grabs my hand and pulls me out of whatever room we were in. “You must follow this passage until you find a way to turn left. Then continue until you see a painting of a black snake then turn right, you cannot miss it or you will get lost. Walk straight, and you will be back to a safe area.”

“But-” I start. I don’t want to go alone. And I don’t understand why but I don’t want to separate from him either. Which is nonsense, I barely know him and still...

He interrupts me. “I cannot go with you, I have lost so much control already and I don’t think…”

“Cardan, I can’t-”

A growl echoes in his chest and he pulls me closer to him. While his voice is still hypnotizing it sounds threatening now. “You will not tell anybody about what you saw here. Now go if you intend to leave this place alive.”

Then he's gone. I can’t recall if I blinked or turned, because a moment before I could still touch him and now he vanished.

I take a deep breath and start walking. Focus. Go straight, then turn right. Or was it left?

All passages look the same, some spaces don’t even have a painting or anything at all to help me differentiate them. Sometimes I whip around, thinking I heard a familiar chuckle behind me. Distant rain is the only sound that is a constant companion, but even with it I’m able to hear an echo of every step I give. It unsettles me more with every minute that passes. Although I feel more in control of my body than before, my knees falter constantly and a sensation of tiredness slides over my mind.

I find the snake painting just as I’d started to think I would be trapped here forever.

It’s huge, and despite the years that have probably passed the scales still seem to shine. The head is painted in an angle that gives the illusion of the eyes following the person looking at it. It doesn’t help that the candle’s flames also make the snake look as if it’s moving. Stalking. Before noticing, I start hyperventilating. I shut my eyes close and turn away. Something is terribly wrong with me, I need to get out.

Turning right, I start running. I cover my ears fearing that if I don’t, I’ll start hearing the snake’s hiss behind me.

I cross an arch made with the same stone and stop right in my tracks upon realizing somehow I’m back at the room where we first arrived. I blink to adjust my eyes to the change of light, since here’s where all the electric lamps are. The room is empty though.

I’m not sure of what I am supposed to do now. Sit and wait? Go out to the car?

While I’m weighing my options, trying to choose any that doesn’t imply dropping myself on the floor to have a panic attack, I hear murmurs and steps getting closer.

“Jude!” My little brother yells and runs to me. Behind him, Vivi scans me like she’s trying to find something wrong. I straighten my back and put on my best calmed face.

“Where were you?” She demands. “We lost you hours ago! Are you ok? You look pale.”

Always such a mother hen, I sigh. “I’m fine. I fell behind and lost y’all. Then... I guessed it would be better to just… return here.”

I try not to frown at my last words, since I didn’t fully intend to say them. You will not tell anybody about what you saw here.

“Jude knows how to take care of herself.” My father adds. I could hug him, but we’re not exactly the affectionate type. So I just flash him a smile.

Vivi does not look convinced but still stands down. “I guess so. The weather did a mess with your hair though.” A flash of Cardan’s fingers pulling from it to gain access to my neck sends a shiver through my body. Had that really happened just minutes before?

Before I can answer, Marrow calls for us. We turn to find her standing next to a big set of paintings that apparently were covered with a curtain. “You cannot leave without meeting the royal family.”

The canvases are ordered to mimic a family tree. A man with a severe expression rests at the very top. Eldred, I assume. Just by looking at it I feel judged. I can’t imagine what was like to actually live with him. The pictures of his wives look all so different but under them, their sons do have resemblance to one another. A weird sensation tickles my fingers as my gaze continues travelling over the paintings. Finally, I get to the last one. Once more, I cover my mouth to avoid an undesired sound.

Staring back at me I see Cardan.

I don’t care if it’s a painting, there is no way I could not recognize those features. Those lips.

“A big family, I see.” Madoc’s words seem so far away.

Marrow hums in agreement. “The Greenbriars always felt proud of their vast offspring. Such attractive sons and daughters. It’s a shame the curse took most of their lives all those centuries ago.”

“Did he…” I start, without knowing how to continue.

She approaches me to look at the canvas. “Ah, young master Cardan. He was the last one of Eldred’s children.” Then a frown appears on her face. “There was a lot of controversy regarding his death. Some say he died because of the curse, some others say he was the curse. The books all have different versions.”

“That sounds creepy as fuck.” Vivi says.

“Creepy as fuck.” My brother mimics her, the thoughtful expression on his face makes him look ridiculous. We cackle as Vivi shouts Oak he’s not supposed to say bad words.

By the time we get out of the castle the rain has decreased to a drizzle.

Madoc carries Oak on his shoulders, listening to his non-stop squeals of excitement after visiting what he calls ‘a real vampire hideout’. This time, I don’t find the words to contradict him. Vivi is the first one to get to the car, shouting back some nonsense about the Greenbriars needing a protection hex.

The moment I step down from the bridge something shifts in my head and I feel as if I had just woken up.

Perhaps it is me who needs a protection spell after all.

Before closing the car’s door, I turn to the castle one more time. Marrow and her husband wave at us from the front gate.

A dull ache throbs on the base of my neck and my hand flies to the spot. I retrieve it and see blood staining my fingers.

My heart misses a beat when I lift my gaze to the upper windows, where a tall figure with white shirt and dark hair is looking right back.

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Tags: @slightlyrebelliouswriter23 @sweetlyvillainous @poeticbrownmermaid @aesthetics-11 @thesirenwashere @jurdanhell @nightbringer @b00kworm @mysweetvillain @thefolkofthefic @yafandomsdotnet @vanessa172003 @booksandothersecrets

If you wish to be tagged/untagged (or if I forgot to tag you like an utter idot) please let me know!

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springfieldblues · 4 years

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my long ass review for S32E03 Now Museum, Now You Don’t

warning: LONG because i rambled about history more than i thought i would

id been looking forward to this one because i like art history, especially after seeing how they tried their best to stick to historical accuracy in the previous episode I, Carumbus. this time however….they didnt try that hard. i dont know why i thought theyd go through that sort of trouble again LMAO

but its okay, i dont really expect the simpsons to be the paragon of historical accuracy or anything. especially in anthology episodes told through a particular character's lens (in this case, lisa, whos already feverish so whatever)

first i just wanna say that this is, i guess, less of a review and more of an accidental list of history fun facts. so im just gonna get my general thoughts out of the way first.

the episode was fun! to me at least haha. i mean it got me to think and do a lot of research on my own so that must count for something. besides a couple of really weird ones, the jokes were good. anthology episodes tend to be….not that good but i thought this one was one of the better ones so far. idk.

anyway on to lisanardo da vinky its the renaissance! jesus christ the italian accents in the beginning of this segment were annoying as hell but i also feel like that was the joke lmao. ill be real i kind of tuned out for a second there when grampa started rambling so idk what he said.

i told myself i wouldnt get nitpicky with historical accuracy if the jokes were funny (final edit: so that was a lie) but this meh bit with the pizza guys and mascots was really not worth ignoring the fact that its impossible for italy to have any tomato-based food in the 15th century (tomatoes were brought to europe from the americas in the 16th century, and pizza as we know it today—flatbread, cheese, tomato—originated in the late 18th century)

oh this next part was kind of legit tho. lisanardo, like the real leonardo, became andrea del verrochio's apprentice at his workshop. i loved this next bit:

"Whoever paints the sweetest cherub will have the honor of having MY name signed on their work. That's what great artists do!"

SO YEAH as it turns out, lisanardo painted the sweetest cherubs. the painting here is called The Baptism of Christ, and the real leonardo assisted verrochio in finishing it. specifically, he painted the cherubs in the corner.

this causes verrochio to quit and go someplace with less talented people: a music school (yes, verrochio did quit painting after getting owned by young leo and his mad angel painting skills. he never did anything with music tho, he was more of a sculptor)

alongside lisanardo, in mr largo-verrochio's workshop we have barticelli (botticelli bart), dolphatello (donatello dolph), ralphael (raphael...ralph) and mediocrito (no one that i know of. sorry milhouse) (and kearney i guess but they dont refer to him by name). botticelli and donatello are said to have also been apprentices at verrochio's workshop, but raphael came a couple of decades later so he couldnt have been there. and donatello was too old so that claim is a bit questionable. but anyway

it IS true that leonardo's peers envied him, to the point where he was anonymously and purposefully accused of being gay (a major crime punishable by death in 15th century florence) while he was still working at verrochio's workshop

we are then treated by what im pretty sure is the fourth time the show has used 'at seventeen' by janis ian, this time sung by a dejected lisanardo (man they really do keep making yeardley sing these days huh) who only wishes to be appreciated and not envied.

"I'll show them all! I'll show them all in a secret diary that no one will decipher for 400 years!"

some of lisanardo's future inventions. who wouldve known

so after barticelli, for some reason (revenge??? or something?? what was his plan here idgi) steals lisanardo's diaries full of blueprints of her inventions and takes them to mr burns who i have to assume is pope alexander VI here, they decide to use her inventions for war.

"With these, we can kill the most evil people in the world!! ....Slightly different Christians."

leo actually did this of his own accord. im surprised this is what they decided to do with lisanardo instead of talking about leo's love of nature and vegetarianism (not a single mention of that in this episode? come on...) then again, trying to do good only to end up indirectly making things worse is a very standard lisa storyline. i guess they didnt want to miss the chance to have evil pope burns (very fitting, especially for that era since they were all about money and controlling the people)

so lisanardo decides to leave for france, unlike the real leonardo who was more or less persuaded by his ultimate fanboy king francis I to move to france.

"Lisanardo, I have many questions. Why are you hitting yourself? A nerd says 'what'? And how is it possible that I am rubber and you are glue? Et cetera, et cetera."

that line may seem a little random, like hes just nelson saying nelson things (and i mean, obviously he is) but the real francis also "had an unquenchable thirst for learning, and Leonardo was the world’s best source of experimental knowledge. He could teach the king about almost any subject there was to know, from how the eye works to why the moon shines." so yeah, he did have many questions and lisanardo, finally being appreciated for her intellect, was happy to answer them all. its very interesting how lisa assigned this role to nelson in her retelling of da vinci’s life :^)

and so she lived the rest of her days in france, nat king cole's 'mona lisa' plays because duh, and they make a da vinci code reference because duh. and the segment ends. and not a single time did they show the actual mona lisa painting. the fuck?

(ngl i was fully expecting bart to say 'leonardo da vinky' for a second here)

so this next segment is about french impressionist painters, most likely the batignolles group, a name adopted by the early representatives of impressionism. its much more vague than the lisanardo segment since no one here is referred to by name (except moe, more on him in a sec) but i dont feel like it really matters in this case. bart is prrrrooobably claude monet but its hard to say, this segment is kind of a mish-mash of a lot of things. also i gotta say i really liked how lisa introduced the story to bart with an 'if you hate the formal study of art' and not 'if you hate art' because thats exactly my headcanon. i LOVE the concept of artist bart and whenever its referenced it just makes perfect sense to me.

anyway the segment opens in 1863 at the école des beaux-arts (back then it was actually known as the académie des beaux-arts), preserver of traditional french art styles. skinner reviews his students’ paintings one by one. praises the plain, unimaginative paintings depicting your typical european countryside landscapes. very run-of-the-mill (haha get it...cuz theres….a windmill) (although the real académie didnt approve of such basic stuff, they wanted artists to draw epic historical and mythological scenes) then he gets to barts painting and he gives him an F- because the painting made him think.

(the paintings in this scene arent real famous paintings as far as i know but they are inspired by real paintings enough to get the point across)

in comes barney dressed as bacchus as a model for the students to sketch, which i just loved:

barney: “You prefer robe open or robe off?” skinner: “Just cover your privates with this walnut shell.” barney: “Whoa!!! So roomy!”

skinner gasps in horror at bart’s sketch, which “looks nothing like him” and bart explains that “it shouldn’t; we’re making the art that we feel because we can’t compete with a camera.” damn, you go bart. take that, realism. draw what you feel!!

(also no, you didnt need to hold still for 17 hours for a daguerreotype. 30 min tops.)

nelson haw-haw of the week: FOIE-gras!

so here they are at the moulin rouge (“enjoy it before baz luhrmann ruins it” hey shut up. i love that movie), which wouldnt be built for another 26 years, but it is the most widely known gathering place for bohemians in the public consciousness so i can understand why they went with the moulin. nelson delivers this anachronistic line:

“This époque keeps getting beller and beller!”

which alludes to la belle époque, the golden age of france usually dated from 1880 to 1914. made me snort so ill let that slide

and heres moe! as henri de toulouse-lautrec, who was actually born a year after the year this segment is set in. yo moe szyslak he was just 1

toulouse-moetrec introduces himself as the chronicler of the demimonde (not an actual job). an iconic figure associated with the moulin rouge (largely due to his affinity for alcohol and prostitutes), toulouse-lautrec was also a painter, having illustrated a series of posters for the moulin himself. he simply had to be in this segment, anachronisms be damned, just because they decided to include the moulin. cant have one without the other.

and yes he did have a walking cane where he kept his liquor.

i love how everyone drinks absinthe in this place. theyre bohemians what else would they drink

toulouse-moetrec points out that barts paintings are the greatest thing hes ever seen (and hes seen like five things!) and that hes a genius. milhouse realizes that they should stop doing what the teacher says and use their own minds to instead...start doing what bart says lmao. to the easels!

next we have skinner hyping up chalmers about the art his students made for the salon de paris, an art exhibition that the emperor of france will attend. he assures him that none of these paintings will encourage debate, provoke thought or be out of place at a dentist’s office. when they unveil the art, theyre both SHOCKED at how scandalous the paintings actually are.

this reaction was kind of accurate. impressionism was severely rejected at the salon de paris, due to paintings not looking finished enough to them, they thought they were ugly and vulgar for depicting nudity in a contemporary setting (historical and mythological nudity was fine). these impressionist paintings were sent to the salon de refusés, which is. yeah. the place where they sent the rejects. the salon de refusés does not make an appearance but this scene makes a reference to it when the artists get expelled from the royal salon. also:

“What about our student loans?” “Oh they’ll be refunded. We are not barbarians, I mean, come on.”

(god if only)

so the painters are down because they want the emperor to actually see their paintings. toulouse-moetrec pipes in once again with an idea.

“There is one thing the emperor loves more than anything.” “France?” “No, he hates France.”

apparently the emperor really loves cheese, which makes sense since its napoleon III (who loved cheese) and homer (who loves cheese.) so the painters roll into the salon inside a giant wheel of cheese (obviously.) as lenny said, “Eh, you know French cheese. Very runny.” napoleon III chases after the wheel into a room, where the wheel falls apart after getting chomped on by the emperor. now that they got his attention, the painters proudly show the emperor their impressionist art, which he couldnt be more indifferent about because he just wants to eat his cheese dammit, and he awards them with the royal medallion just to kind of get them out of his way. skinner immediately starts kissing ass (as he does) until marge’s like ‘hey wait a minute. you expelled these students from the royal salon’ and an executioner immediately starts ominously measuring skinners neck.

“Uh, sir...is your tongue sticking out because you’re dead or because you’re mad at me?”

and thats the end of that lmao (gore in this episode, gore in the last episode, and next week we’re getting gore too cuz its THOH, what the hell is goin on)

we get a short intermission with maggie, who wants a story for her too! lisa tells her that renaissance artists loved to put babies in their paintings, especially baby angels.

here she is showing her The Triumph Of Galatea by raphael:

King David Playing The Harp by peter paul reubens:

and a very simplified version of pretty much any depiction of hell by hyeronimus bosch lmao:

not much else to say about this one, really. but i really liked that sky!

the last segment is about frida kahlo and diego rivera. or as bart puts it ‘the one about a fat guy whos wife is too good for him.’ i was REALLY looking forward to this one because i love frida and i thought itd be a cool opportunity for animators to go bonkers and do really cool shit with her art as inspiration…..but the segment is not about frida, its about diego and his selling out to capitalism. and its also yet another story with homer and marge drama. no funky cool animation here. sigh i guess i’ll take it

the story begins in 1929 at la casa azul, frida’s home (now museum dedicated to her life and work.) frida and diego are getting married. this courtyard definitely did not look this way yet back in 1929. also theres something very cringy yet funny about lovejoy saying spanish words the way he does, i honestly cant decide how i feel about that one

the writers know theyre being cringy with their gringoness so they go along with it.

moe: “Spanish for ‘best wishes’!” mel: “Spanish for ‘congratulations’!” bumblebee man: “Spanish for ‘muy bueno’!”

OH YEAH BUMBLEBEE MAN this is his new voice actor, eric lopez! hes not mexican but its still great to finally have a latino actor voicing a latino character and hes very excited to be part of the show so i hope to hear more of him!! im rooting for him

el barto/zorro makes an appearance which i am very confused about. he has jack shit to do with frida and diego and mexico in the 20s-30s. el zorro was set in the spanish california of the early 19th century. their use of the original theme song makes me think they just wanted to flex their disney privileges tbh

lets not talk about that that whole scene was bad

anyway diego announces he and frida are going to new york, without even asking her first. frida is obviously pissed.

“Don’t worry, as a woman, you’ll be treated with much more respect in America.”

so in new york, diego is having a bit of a business meeting with mr burns as one of the members of the rockefellers, who is commissioning him to draw a mural for the rockefeller center. its kinda funny how he refers to him and frida as socialists even though they were very much communists lmao its okay you can say it. ok so far, but then frida says ‘yes, we hate the capitalists! right now, a young socialist is being born who will take them down! mr. bernie sanders. i hope hes quick about it’ and that was a simple enough joke and couldve been left at that but then its immediately followed by this weird as fuck family guy-esque cutaway gag to bernie as a baby:

“Getting a cootie shot should not cost your lunch money. And if you don’t listen to me, listen to the Bernie Babies! What? Everybody’s got goons.” *larger babies start beating up this other baby* “I disavow that, and welcome it.”

this confused me so much that i had to ask one of my american friends to help me understand, but even she was like ‘uhhh yeah thats a weird joke,’ especially now that hes been out of the race for months (then again these episodes take almost a year to produce. i guess they couldnt be bothered to replace it with something more relevant.) whatever that was weird and confusing and unfunny moving on

frida is pretty irked that diego is going through with this deal. after all, it goes against everything they believe in. im not sure how the real frida felt about diego doing the mural, but she did feel a bit of rage during her visit to the united states, especially the obvious disparity between rich and poor. she hated having to interact with capitalists and found americans very boring. in this segment, frida seems to be acting more like the american communist party, which diego got kicked out of for accepting commissions from wealthy patrons. in any case, frida is pretty upset about this whole thing.

and finally we get the first and only kind of surreal frida moment. kinda. maybe. its more cartoonish than anything but im desperate ok

interesting how they felt like they had to add a “don’t smoke” in big letters after showing patty and selma flying away on their giant cigarettes. i wonder if this is something theyre making them do now? i remember hearing something about them toning down patty and selma’s smoking

diego comes home to frida, drunk as hell, followed by the marx brothers. i cant believe they didnt make a marxism joke come on it was RIGHT THERE. THE MARX BROTHERS. KARL MARX. COME ON

frida paints her feelings.

this makes diego realize that frida is a genius and he is not half the artist she is. he proclaims he will now show his awe of her by sleeping with other women, starting “an hour ago.” to which frida replies, “and i will start sleeping with other women, starting two hours ago.” yes this was pretty much their relationship. though im just wondering how the hell did diego not know frida was this kind of artist until now? i know homers an idiot but jeez. art was how frida and diego met, diego knew from the get-go that frida was an incredible artist. i guess the fame got to his head or something. again, homer just being stupid.

“well enough already, while the art is still deco, okay?”

its time for the mural diego painted, Man At The Crossroads, to be unveiled:

rockefeller examines it. good and great so far, and then...uh oh

“Who’s that fellow…? With the beard, and the bolshevik smile…” “That’s the founder of Soviet Russia, Lenin!”

“B-b-but he’s a communist!” “Oh he just attended a couple of meetings.”

rockefeller will not have this communist in the temple to capitalism that is the rockefeller center, so he orders diego to paint over it. diego stands his ground and refuses. despite rockefeller’s threats, diego says that theres only one person he wants to be proud of him no matter what and in true homer & marge fashion, frida is touched by this. they happily leave the rockefeller center.

now, the real story of Man At The Crossroads and the rockefeller center was actually not that different. as soon as the rockefellers found out diego had snuck in a portrait of lenin into the mural, they ordered him to paint over it, to which he refused. diego even offered to include abraham lincoln and even american abolitionists in the mural as a compromise, but the rockefellers simply did not want any references to communism whatsoever. they did not complain about the hammer and sickle, though. yes, they did know diego was a communist and hired him anyway. what did they expect? lmao. diego said:

"Rather than mutilate the conception [of the mural], I shall prefer the physical destruction of the conception in its entirety, but preserving, at least, its integrity."

so they decided to destroy the mural before it was even finished and they never talked to each other again.

diego then repainted the mural at the palacio de bellas artes back in mexico, this time known as Man, Controller of the Universe. this new version included even more communist leaders and a depiction of john d. rockefeller jr. drinking at a nightclub, right underneath a depiction of syphilis bacteria. cue nelson haw-haw:

this was the version they used in the episode also, since the original was, well, never finished and also destroyed. only a black and white photograph of it exists, taken by diego before it was destroyed so he could remake it.

right so, homer!diego then pulls a Barthood and finishes the episode with a large mural summarizing the entire episode. he says some rick and morty thing i didnt get because i dont watch the show idk idc

the end

ALRIGHT NOW ITS TIME FOR THE STORY OF VINCENT VAN MOE

#if you read all of this bless you #the imageless gdocs version of this is 8 pages long #hope you...enjoy?!?! these art history fun facts?!?!#dont let me do something like this again but also let me know if i should do something like this again #i was really only motivated to do this because im already passionate about the subject so idk if i could do it otherwise #anyway. this took me all day yesterday because the power kept going out #but im finally done #bye

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starryknight09 · 3 years

Text

Unforeseen dangers ch 10

Summary: As Peter recovers from his capture by Ross, a photo of him with Tony and the Avengers leaks and is splashed all across the media. Luckily, no one can figure out who he is and everyone thinks the buzz will die down. However, the public’s interest has been ignited. While Tony worries it’s only a matter of time before Peter’s identity is exposed, Peter isn’t as concerned. Besides, what’s the worst that could happen anyway?

Read on AO3.

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“How did they figure it out?” Tony growled as soon as he walked into the conference room. He’d tampered his anger down for Peter’s sake, but now that Peter was safe upstairs, he felt it was fine to finally let it out.

Everyone made faces at each other around the table but no one answered his question. So, it was going to be like that.

“Well?” He asked, this time aiming his question at Pepper. She wouldn’t be afraid to tell him the hard stuff.

Pepper sighed but met his eyes unflinchingly. “You’re not going to like it.”

“I already don’t like it.” He snapped and sat down heavily in the empty chair at the head of the table, Pepper to his immediate right. Just like old times.

“Somehow they got ahold of the name change paperwork.”

“What?”

“I told you you wouldn’t like it.” Pepper pursed her lips. “It gets worse. They dug deeper and found the adoption paperwork as well.”

“So there’s no way we can deny this.” Tony rubbed a hand roughly over his forehead and eyes.

“No.”

“So what do we do now? Besides figuring out who leaked this and suing the hell out of them.”

“Naturally.” Pepper agreed. “That’s already being looked into as we speak.”

“Good.”

“But as to how we deal with this…” She sighed. “I’m open to ideas.”

“You’re kidding.”

Pepper stared him down. She obviously wasn’t kidding.

“We don’t have anything set up for this? No contingency plan? Nothing? It’s not like we haven’t been flirting with this exact disaster for the past two months.” He looked at all his employees lined up on either side of the table. “What do I pay you people for?”

“To be fair, you didn’t want a contingency plan.” Pepper said, tone sharp without raising her voice.

“I never said that.”

“Yes you did. When the first photo leaked I gave you options for how to deal with this and you wanted to deny it, and then later when I wanted to talk to you about putting together a contingency plan just in case, you told me ‘you didn’t want to think about it and you’d figure it out if something happened.’ Is that ringing any bells?”

“You don’t have to air quote me.” He complained as Pepper’s hands fell from doing just that back to their loose clasp on the table. He actually did remember that conversation now. It’d been about a week after the first photo leak. He’d been in a terrible mood and Pepper had wanted to talk about coming up with a plan for what to do if one of his worst case scenarios happened, if Peter’s identity leaked, and he, well, he hadn’t wanted to think about it at the time. He’d wanted to stick his head in the sand and hope for the best instead. Not one of his better decisions, clearly.

Pepper raised an eyebrow at him.

“And you listened to me?” He asked as he threw his hands up and practically jumped out of his chair. “You never listen to me. This is the one time you decide not to go behind my back and come up with something on your own anyway?”

Pepper glared at him.

“What? You know it’s true. You do do that!” He held a finger up in defense.

Melanie, his head of PR, sitting to his left, cleared her throat. “I think maybe we’re getting a little off topic here Mr. Stark.”

“Yes. Yes we are.” He broke away from Pepper’s death glare and rubbed at his eyes again before turning to her, “Melody, tell me what you’re thinking.”

“Melanie.” She corrected automatically without surprise or displeasure, more than used to his antics by now.

“Yeah yeah.” He nodded and waved his hand in a circle as an indication for her to start talking.

“We need to make a statement.”

“Yes, obviously.”

Melanie gave him a look that was such a mirror image of Pepper’s that he felt dizzy for a second.

“What I mean is, what do you suggest we say?” He tried to be civil and looked over to Pepper for her approval, but she still had her stony business face in place.

“We confirm that you adopted Peter this summer. We should give them a little bit about his background, how you got to know each other, the circumstances that led to his adoption—”

“Do they really need to know all that? I don’t really want to splash my kid’s life across the tabloids.”

“That’s what I’m trying to keep from happening Mr. Stark.” Melanie said in a carefully controlled tone. “If we give them nothing then it’ll only be worse. They’ll be relentless digging for more information on him.”

“They’re going to do that anyway.” God, they were. His poor kid’s life was going to get turned inside out.

“Yes, but this way we can control it. We set the context. We give them enough information to satiate their curiosity but not so much that they know everything about Peter.”

He hated the idea of giving the vultures anything.

“Melanie’s right Tony. This is how we need to do this.” Pepper agreed.

“Fine.” He held his palms up in defeat. He knew they were right, but he still didn’t like it.

“I would also suggest that we release a few handpicked photos of the two of you together.” A brunette to the left of Melanie piped in. Tony would’ve admired her courage if her suggestion hadn’t set his temper alight.

“No. Absolutely not.” He wanted to yell, but he grit out the refusal at a low level volume instead.

More hesitant glances amongst his employees around the table ensued.

“You should listen to her.” Natasha spoke up.

“Oh I’m sorry I thought you were here to listen, not offer up advice on how to deal with my kid and my company.” He sniped, annoyed that she was taking their side.

Nat met his anger coolly. “If you don’t, they’ll keep doing what they’ve been doing these past couple months. Photos of the two of you together and photos of just him now that they know he’s your son. If you don’t give them something they’re going to hound both of you until they get it, and you know it.”

He hated that she was right.

“Dammit.” He swore and stood, knocking his desk chair over in the process. Pepper didn’t so much as flinch. Tony grit his teeth as he turned his back on the table and took a couple steps toward the wall, where he stood facing it while he closed his eyes and took a few calming breaths.

He hated this situation with a burning anger he hadn’t felt in a long time, like a smoldering flame deep inside his belly growing white hot as more oxygen was added to it. He’d never wanted this for Peter. He loved him. He was his son but somehow he’d foolishly thought he’d be able to keep him separate from all the evil and burdens that came with that. He had to accept that it was impossible now. And he needed to stay strong and collected for Peter even if on the inside he was having a breakdown.

“I’m sorry.” He said, the words coming out strong even though he felt anything but strong at the moment.

He took another deep breath and turned back around, moving to calmly set his chair upright again before standing at his spot at the head of the table. A few of the newer employees looked a little shellshocked but he ignored it. “Fine.” He leaned forward, his hands splaying out in front of him on the table. “I’ll make a statement and release a few pictures. What else?”

“At the end of your statement, you should be sure to ask for privacy.” Joe, the wizened white-haired head of his legal team, suggested, not cowed at all by his minor outburst. He’d been on staff since pre-Ironman times.

“Of course.”

“It’s too bad you don’t still live in California.” Joe added. “Because of Peter’s status as a minor, it would give him some protections. California passed a law in 2013 that makes it illegal to intentionally harass children of celebrities, such as for the purpose of taking photos.”

“And that’s only a law in California?” He frowned.

“As of now.” Joe nodded. “But if you want, I could write up a proposal for the governor to pass a similar law here. It’s a long shot but it wouldn’t hurt, especially if you don’t want to move.”

“We’re not moving to California.”

Joe shrugged.

“But yes, do that.” A law like that sure would’ve been helpful when he’d been a child.

“Of course, sir.”

“Tony,” Cap spoke up from his seat at the opposite end of the table, “have you given any thought to taking Peter up to the compound instead of staying here? At least until things calm down?”

Tony blinked. He hadn’t.

“I mean,” Steve continued when his suggestion wasn’t met with an immediate refusal, “it’s not like he’s not going to school tomorrow, right?”

He hadn’t thought that far ahead either.

“Right.” He said with uncharacteristic hesitance.

“That’s a good idea.” Natasha agreed. “We can do the press conference here and then go to the compound. It’ll give everyone a little more room to breathe.”

He nodded absently. Sure. So apparently now he was taking his kid out of school and high tailing it to the compound. Peter wasn’t going to like that. He let out another heavy sigh and sat back down in his chair like a puppet with its strings cut.

“How long do you think this media frenzy is going to take to die down?” He asked, aiming his question at Melanie. Maybe they could wait out the worst of it at the compound.

“Hard to say.” She hedged.

“Best guess.”

“Months.” She deadpanned.

“Jesus.” He ran a hand through his hair. Definitely too long to wait it out.

“It may be even longer than that. Peter’s currently trending on every social media platform out there.” A younger guy with blonde hair dressed in a hipster suit added. Tony didn’t recognize him but figured he must be one of their social media guys. “The numbers I’m looking at are almost unprecedented.”

“Wonderful.”

“I recommend not letting him post anything until we have a chance to advise him.” The guy added. “I see he’s currently active on Instagram and Twitter.”

“Sure. I’ll take your word for it.” Tony huffed. He didn’t know what kind of social media presence Peter had. He’d never really needed to worry about it before.

Melanie cleared her throat and piped in, “I’d also like a chance to advise Peter on some things. And give him a short debrief on all of this.”

“I’ll be doing that.” He countered.

“Um,” Melanie glanced over at Pepper for some help, “I really think I should at least have a sit down with him.

“Tony.” Pepper prompted, throwing her support behind Melanie.

“Fine.” He shook his head. “But I talk to him first.”

“Of course Mr. Stark.”

“When Melanie’s done, can I schedule sit down with him as well Mr. Stark?” The blonde guy asked.

He turned to Pepper for help, trying not to feel like his own SI team was competing for his kid’s time like the media vultures out there.

“Of course Alex.” Pepper answered for him. “How about I put together some sort of schedule for Peter so we don’t all completely overwhelm him?”

Heads nodded all around the table.

“And I think we can all agree none of this has to happen today. We can at least give him a little time to let it all sink in first.” Pepper added.

Everyone nodded again.

“I’d like a few minutes with him Ms. Potts.”

“Me too.”

Tony rubbed his eyes again, feeling a splitting headache coming on. Just great. A migraine was exactly what he needed right now.

“I’d also like to reach out to a few of the more reputable media sources and set up some interviews.” Paul spoke up and then clarified, “For you. Not Peter. Obviously.” Paul was one of the longer standing workers on his PR team who dealt with managing relations between himself and various media sources, which was the reason Tony knew him by name. They’d had some good times in the past, particularly behind the scenes on Letterman back in the nineties.

“Is that really something we need to do right now? It can’t wait until tomorrow, or hell, next week?” He snapped, quickly losing his patience with the entire situation.

“No. It can wait.” Paul gave him an easy going shrug as if he hadn’t just gotten his head bitten off in front of everyone.

“Sorry.” His headache was rapidly ratcheting up in intensity. “I know we’re at defcom one right now, but can we just deal with only the things that are of immediate importance today? We have the rest of the week to sort everything else out.” He dug through his suit pockets and found the tinted sunglasses he’d put on Peter earlier. Now he slid them over his own eyes. They weren’t quite dark enough to help with the light sensitivity, but they took the edge off.

“Mr. Stark’s right.” Pepper supported him. Thank god. “We’ll draft a statement for the press and we’ll make sure Peter doesn’t post anything on social media until he talks to Melanie and Alex. Besides that, what else can’t wait and needs to be dealt with right now?”

“Security.” His new head of security, Hans something or other, said.

Tony just stared at him for a couple long seconds, the statement not computing.

“For the kid.” Hans added as if sensing his confusion.

Tony’s brow’s furrowed briefly before he realized it was a completely legitimate concern. Shit. No one knew Peter was Spiderman besides the Avengers and his two nerdy school friends. Of course Peter would need his own security detail, just like Tony had when he was a kid.

“Yeah.” He gave his head a little shake as if clearing the fog. “Of course.”

“I’ll put together a proposal for his personal security.” Hans continued. “And I’ll speak to his school about what security measures we can take there.”

Tony pulled his glasses off and tossed them onto the table before putting his face in his hands, elbows resting on the table in front of him.

“Yep.” He agreed, not sounding happy at all. “Mmhm.”

“We’ll also need to put together different protocols for when he’s ready to go back in public, and I’d like to have some time to discuss certain scenarios with him.” Hans continued.

“Tony.” Pepper prompted when he said nothing.

“I’m listening.” He said into his palms.

“I also think it’d be prudent for me to spend some time with him one on one to teach him some basic hand to hand combat moves.”

“I can do that.” Natasha spoke up.

Hans inclined his head toward her in respect. “Then I’ll leave that to you.”

“Great.” Tony dropped his hands down swiftly and squinted as he looked around the table. “Anything else?”

Everyone glanced around at each other but no one spoke.

“No? Can we be adjourned then?” Tony asked, turning toward Pepper.

“Let’s take a short break everyone. We’ll reconvene in ten minutes.”

It took everything in him not to legitimately whine to her that he wanted to be done.

Everyone gathered up their things and brusquely left at the dismissal.

“You guys can go.” Tony dismissed his Avengers team, who’d stayed behind.

“You sure?” Steve asked.

“Yeah. You need to go let everyone else know about the compound plan, so if any of them want to join they can get busy packing. I know how much luggage Sam travels with.” He tried to joke but it came out sounding flat even to him.

Steve gave him a small smile as he and Natasha both stood and left. Once the door had shut behind them, he turned to Pepper and suggested, “You don’t really need me for the rest of this, do you?”

Pepper raised her eyebrows at him.

“Come on Pep. We both know you can deal with all the nitty gritty details on your own. Draft up a statement. I’ll read it. And then we can talk about everything else tomorrow at the compound.” He rubbed at his temples and saw her eyes soften.

“Fine,” she agreed, “but only because I can tell you’re getting a migraine.”

“You know me so well.” He gave her a weak half smile.

Pepper checked her watch. “The press conference starts in an hour. Why don’t you lie down until then? And take some Excedrin.”

He hummed in agreement. That sounded like a great idea but it warred with his guilt about leaving Peter alone. He should really get back to his kid.

“Peter can wait.” Pepper continued as if she’d read his mind. “He’ll be fine. You need to take care of yourself too. Besides, this way you’ll look better for the cameras.”

“Hey! I always look great for the cameras.”

“I can give you several examples of when you did not.” Pepper smirked and gave a small shake of her head.

“Name one.” He challenged.

“Ibiza 1999.”

“Ooo ouch. Going for blood. To be fair, I was up for almost 72 hours at that point. And I didn’t know that one girl’s ex-fiance was the captain of that yacht.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Fine. I’m going to go lay down for one hour.” He held up a finger.

“Forty five minutes.” Pepper corrected.

“Ok fine. Forty five minutes then. FRI?”

“Alarm set Boss.”

He started walking out of the conference room.

“And take that Excedrin.”

“Yeah yeah.”

“I mean it Tony.”

“I will.” He said as the door shut behind him, and surprisingly, he actually meant it.

*******************************

A constant obnoxious low volume beeping, slowly increasing in volume every few seconds, woke him up.

He groaned. The pounding that’d taken up residence behind his eyes still hadn’t abated, but it wasn’t any worse than when he’d laid down so maybe the Excedrin had actually helped somewhat.

“Boss, you have thirteen minutes to get dressed and downstairs for the press conference.”

He groaned again and buried his face in his pillow.

“Boss.” FRIDAY prompted again.

“I heard you the first time.” He rasped into his pillow. “And they’ll wait. It’s my press conference, isn’t it?”

He didn’t know how FRIDAY’s silence could sound so disapproving.

After a few long breaths he finally managed to push himself up. He just needed to get this over with. Like ripping off a bandaid. He made his way to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on his face. It helped the headache for the brief second it was in contact with his face but then all the relief faded as quickly as the water washed away. Once he toweled off, he examined his reflection. At least he didn’t look half as terrible as he felt. The slight squint between his eyes gave away his discomfort, but that could be cured with a well chosen pair of sunglasses. He fixed his hair so it looked like its classic well manicured bedhead instead of his actual bedhead. That helped. Now all he needed was a good suit and he’d be presentable enough that not even Pepper could complain.

“You have five minutes.” FRIDAY reminded him as he walked to the closet.

“Yeah well tell them I’m going to be a little late.” He grumbled as he rifled through his clothes. “Knowing me it shouldn’t come as too much of a shock.”

“Very well.”

He donned a crisp white shirt and burgundy tie under a dark navy vest and suit and topped the look off with a pair of oversized sunglasses with black frames and blue shaded lenses. They were just borderline too dark for inside wear but they helped his headache so he refused to care.

“Ms. Potts would like to know when to expect you.” FRIDAY said.

“Tell her I’m on my way down right now.” He said, doing one last check in the mirror to make sure he looked put together. Usually he wouldn’t care so much, but he recognized the importance of this moment. This was how he was going to look when he told the world he had a son. This look would probably be memorialized on the internet and across all the newspapers of the world tomorrow. And not only that, but he knew his appearance for this moment would reflect on Peter, so he wanted to be at his best. Migraine be damned. He’d done press conferences in way worse shape than he was in now. Although this one was probably one of his most personally important. He gave his tie one last adjustment before he decided he was good.

Walking past the kitchen, he practically tripped when the smell of fresh coffee emanating from the pot stopped him in his tracks. His Rolex said he was already five minutes late. Whatever. What was another five? Besides, he was fairly certain that Pepper had been the one to brew it for him while he’d slept. That was something thoughtful she used to do when she knew he had a migraine.

“FRIDAY tell Pep thanks for the coffee.” He said as he poured it into a thermos.

“She says you can thank her by getting your ass downstairs. And that’s a direct quote Boss.”

“Obviously.” A corner of his mouth turned up in fond amusement. “Tell her, I’m coming dear.”

He pressed the lid on and took a sip. Perfect. Brewed just how he liked it, and hopefully the caffeine would help with his headache.

The elevator doors closed behind him and it dropped like a stone.

“Whoa FRIDAY. Slow it down a little.”

“Sorry Boss.” FRIDAY responded and the elevator slowed the velocity of its descent. “Ms. Potts requested I expedite your arrival in every way possible.”

“Yeah well I’m guessing she doesn’t want me to lose my lunch all over my suit in the process because that’d definitely defeat the purpose.” He grumbled and took another drink of coffee, hoping it’d help calm the background nausea that had suddenly flared up.

“Would you like me to contact Dr. Banner?” FRIDAY offered.

“No. Just…shhh.” He winced and rubbed at his temples before closing his eyes and resting his head against the wall, letting himself have a vulnerable moment while he was still alone.

“Arriving.” FRIDAY announced a handful of seconds later, although at a much softer volume than before.

He straightened up and put on his public eye mask as the doors opened and he walked out, taking an immediate left down the hallway that would lead to the auditorium they used for almost all their SI press conferences. He ducked into a side door right before the double doors at the end of the hallway.

“Is it actually impossible for you to be on time for something?” Pepper asked as soon as the door closed behind him. Her tone held no bite, so he knew she wasn’t actually mad.

“Maybe.”

She rolled her eyes, arms crossed in front of her chest as she looked him up and down. “You look hungover.” She decided.

“What? No I don’t.”

She peered closer at him. “I can barely even see your eyes. At least take the glasses off.”

“Well since it feels like a miniature miner is going to town with an icepick in my head right now I’m going to have to pass on that.”

Pepper sighed but the lines of her face softened. “Do you need me to reschedule?”

He took another long drag of coffee, half of it gone already. “No. We both know I need to do this today.”

She nodded but still looked unsure.

“Don’t worry. I’ve done these things in way worse shape than this. I think I might’ve even done one or two while I was actually asleep.”

That got a true smile out of her. “Oh, I know.”

“So this’ll be a piece of cake.” He said even though he knew the opposite was true.

“If you say so…”

“I do. So where’s this statement I’m reading?”

“Here.” Pepper handed him a piece of paper with the words typed out on it. Any other day he would’ve made some quip about how they were using paper when they were the most technologically innovative company in the world, but he just didn’t have the energy for it today.

He skimmed it over quickly and set it down on a table nearby. “Can I have a pen?”

“Oh no no. You’re not changing anything.” Pepper shook her head adamantly.

“Just a few things.” He held a hand out while re-reading the paper in front of him.

“No.”

He looked up at her. “Pep I promise it’ll be fine. Just give me a pen. If it makes you feel better you can read it before I go out there.”

She pursed her lips and let out a long sigh but acquiesced and handed him her Mont Blanc pen. “Fine.”

He quickly reworded a few phrases, cut a sentence out here and there and then added another few sentences. Once he finished, he re-read it a couple times before handing it over to Pepper along with her pen. “Here.”

The noise of the auditorium could be heard through the closed door at the other side of the room. It was the door that would lead him directly into a narrow hallway behind the podium from where he’d make his entrance. He took another long drink of coffee as he waited for Pepper to read over his changes.

“Ok.” She said when she’d finished.

“Just ok?” He prompted with a teasing grin.

“It’s good. We should be fine as long as you actually stick to the script for once.”

“You know I’m allergic.” He smirked.

“Believe me, I know.” She smiled in amusement.

“But this time, for you, I promise I will try to stick to the cards.”

“Good.” She gave him a nod and handed the paper back.

He took it, folded it, and tucked it into his suit pocket. She was right. He almost never stuck strictly to the cards, his announcement as Ironman a prime example, but actually only one of many. He had no intention of veering off script this time, though. Not with something this important. Not when it impacted his kid.

They walked toward the door of the auditorium together and paused before it. He turned toward Pepper and she gave him another quick once over, reaching out to fix a few errant hairs and straighten his tie ever so slightly before brushing down his shoulders, a well choreographed dance they’d perfected after so many years together.

“Ready?” She asked.

“As I’ll ever be.” He smiled but he knew she could see through it, that he was nervous and trying to hide it.

“Tony.” She said gently. “It’ll be fine.”

“Of course it will.” He agreed boldly. It had to be. Before either of them could say anything else, he yanked open the door and stepped out.

#unforeseen dangers #ch 10

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galaxytale · 3 years

Text

mmmm…. i have new thoughts about my ex and i’s situation.

i know i have rambled on here in the past about them. often bitterly and angrily. to be honest, those words came from a place of immense hurt and betrayal. a lot of pain and a lot of complex emotions that i needed to vent out and process. and the way i did this previously was… rather embarrassing and harmful and not good for anyone. but it has been a long year, and i have had much to think about. and my brain does not like to process many of these things in a normal way. i often just use this blog as a place to barf out my thoughts at random so i can work out whats going on in my mind. this doesnt excuse it but i hope it allows for some understanding.

its been a long time since my ex and i broke up. and i just… idk didnt know how to deal properly. but i think about them a lot. obviously. what you see is mostly the negatives. the frustrations and the confusions and the residual aches and pains. mostly because these are what im trying best to understand. i want to understand them, i want to understand their perspective. it frustrates me when i cant understand, and it frustrates me more when i feel as if they couldnt understand me or didnt even try. but i still care for them greatly. which is why i get frustrated. i do not think many people understand this. i want to understand why they hurt me. i want to understand how i hurt them. i want to learn and grow. but to do that i also have to experience and process the anger and frustration i felt towards them. this is what you all see when i ramble and rant.

anyway this is the last time im doing this publicly because honestly this is a stupid way to process stuff this and i figured out something way better. also im just. tired of it. im tired of being angry and being hurt. that doesnt mean itll stop but. yall wont be seeing it.

i still hold many of my previous thoughts and criticisms of them. and i still consider many of these valid and fair. and i still deny ever doing many of the things they accused me of because ive spoken with other people about them - people actually involved in the situation(s), and they have supported and corroborated my side of the story as well as my feelings regarding those various situations.

however i have come to some realizations that i think allow me to better understand parts of their side of it all.

ive realized some things about myself and how my mind functions that have lead me to other realizations. these realizations include that i misunderstood a lot of things they were trying to get me to do, tools they were trying to get me to employ, things that actually would have been helpful to me had i understood. i see now that in some of the cases they were pushing me on and making me extremely uncomfortable with, that they were genuinely trying to be helpful because they cared. because they were trying to help me just as i was trying to help them.

the problem here is that i was not ready for, and did not understand a lot of the new things being pushed at me. much of what they were trying to get me to engage with were therapy techniques and stuff to learn to cope better. unfortunately due to a lot of previous bad experiences with therapy and such techniques i am extremely adverse to and suspicious of therapy and therapeutic settings/techniques. combined with a lot of new information about myself that i needed time to adjust to and process. a lot of it scared me and i needed them to slow down and be gentler with me in this rather than throwing me in the deep end and expecting me to swim.

i misunderstood a lot of the tools they were trying to offer me - how to use them properly and why. i thought i made this obvious that i didnt understand a lot of it and in fact didnt want to engage with a lot of it outright - even though i was willing to try. the issue is i also needed a good example or instruction of what they wanted from me and… well. they did their best, this i know they tried, but it was not enough for me to understand what they really wanted from me.

i now understand that this is likely why they grew frustrated with me. and this also factors into something that ive come to realize and understand about myself - in fact its one of the things they criticized about me most… ive come to understand the true nature of what the thing i did that they hated most was actually. and ive since worked out a solution to it that actually has been shown to be far more effective and efficient in doing what the thing they were criticizing me about most was doing. this took a lot of work and a long time for me to come to the realization of what it was that i needed to do and how it worked. and i needed to be allowed to make this discovery on my own time, at my own pace to be able to accept it as part of how i work.

unfortunately due to a lot of things, i was also quite terrible to them myself. and i recognize this. i recognized it before - i tried my best to fix my understanding of it but i did not know what i didnt know. i did not know, and did not understand, what i now know and understand. but much of my actions were because i was scared, confused, uncomfortable, and dealing with a whole lot of shit outside of our relationship. and i am genuinely and truly remorseful for what i did. i was remorseful back then, and i still am now. i did some bad things and i know this. i speak of it vaguely here because honestly while im just shouting to the void i still know this is a public blog and theres a chance people will actually read this and frankly. i consider it none of their business unless they were involved. i did lash out at them, and i did treat them unfairly.

however i still feel as if they refuse to acknowledge my point of view in much of this, as well as that they lashed out at me and have refused to acknowledge and apologize for it all. i have never heard them say the words “im sorry” for any of the things i consider the worst things they did to me. much of the time they refused to even acknowledge the fact that a lot of it hurt me despite me outright stating such. they also refused to acknowledge that i had repeatedly tried to assert my own boundaries with them and refused to accept a new boundary when it was drawn.

they did a lot of terrible things to me in return. including things that they, themself, accused me of doing to them initially. i still deny these accusations and consider myself completely innocent (at worst, should my own memory really be that faulty, i consider myself only having caused a huge misunderstanding among friends as well as having accidentally fucking up something that left out important context). i feel this way because they would not produce any evidence to prove to me my own actions that would negate the memories i myself actually have as well as the evidence in support of my side of the case that i have. all they could provide was testimony from a person who would not have had direct access to either side of the conversation that they are alleging happened a certain way. a conversation that i, personally, was half of. a conversation that i spoke with the other half about again, after showing them what i was being accused of, who also verified my recollection of the events.

i feel as if they refuse to even consider my perspective. i felt this way for a good amount of the relationship, and i still feel this way. i feel that they refused to communicate with me and ensure that both of us completely understood the other. i feel that they refused to be considerate of my needs and respectful towards me as a person after a certain point. i feel as if they refused to work to compromise with me on many situations, and i feel that they often tried to demand of me many things that were unreasonable, and that they often moved goalposts or failed to deliver on their end of the deal when i still bent over backwards to do something for them.

however. i do also feel that at some point in time, they did genuinely care for me. and i do feel like i would like to apologize for the new places where i realize i caused them undue stress and frustration.

but i also feel that they would not accept this apology for those parts that i now recognize my own hand in without me accepting and apologizing for the narrative that i know is false. additionally… i do not feel as if they would accept or apologize for any of their own parts in the situation. i still feel theyre likely to reject that they hurt me very very deeply, and badly in return.

as much as i would like to start the conversation of potentially working out the issues and reconnecting as friends… i still feel as if they would view this as an impossibility. because i feel they view me as something of a monster, and not as someone who was under immense amounts of stress and pressure and was very confused and scared for months on end.

i recognize its very likely their feelings echo my own. except for the portion about potentially being friends again… i feel as if this is a forgone conclusion to them that it will not be happening.

all this said…

i also want to say this. in hindsight they were right about the tool they gave to me for one of my specific issues. the one they gave me before the start of it all. the one i was extremely adverse to accepting and trying to adapt to. i did not understand what its actual purpose was for at the time, nor did i understand how they actually meant for me to use it. because of some recent things ive learned about myself, as well as have been able to actually accept, i now understand what they meant. and ill admit that they were right about this one. its really helpful now that i understand what i was supposed to do with it.

they were right and i was wrong. simple as. at least, in regards to this one thing.

#chrono speaks #griff talks about his ex #for the final time anyway #this is all for me tbh #just cuz its helping me to come to terms with some stuff and feel more at peace with things #i dont think theyll see it #they never looked at my blog anyway before #just ive been doing a lot of introspection and thinking and you guys only see a portion of it all and not even my real like #level headed thoughts on things

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gulfportofficial · 4 years

Text

Anyway, here’s some more WIP GP (I think some of you may have seen bits of this before? I told you it was taking me forever).

I loved how he looked when he woke up. Cranky and rumpled and soft all at the same time, his black hair messy and his skin warm from the bedclothes. It seemed to take him a minute or two to hear me well enough to respond to me. How human he was, still, that even now with his impossible strength, he woke up groggy. I climbed onto the bed, and then onto him, and kissed him on the mouth.

He smiled against it. He put his arms around me. “Has the paper come?”

Typical, I thought of saying, but did not. I wasn’t really annoyed by it. That clever little occupation of his, that too, was part of his sweetness too. “Yes,” I said, “and I’ve got the Picayune.”

Louis shuffled up and arranged his pillows fussily, so he could lean back onto them. “You’re very good to me,” he said. “Was it a nice walk?”

“Entirely uneventful,” I said. “Kiss me again and I’ll let you read your papers.”

He did. “Will you tell me the shape of the evening so that I know how long I have to read them?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, did your mother mention what time she was arriving? Do we need to go out before she comes?” he asked. “I don’t mind doing that.”

It would be entirely wrong to say that I had forgotten she was coming. I had thought about nothing else since her call. I had thought about it in my sleep and upon waking and during my walk and while he was kissing me. But I thought about it so hard it didn’t seem to be present in my real life. I swallowed, and Louis looked at me strangely.

“I don’t know,” I said. “She might want to go out together.” “It’s a shame you just can’t call her to check,” Louis said.

I didn’t bother to answer that. Such a pointless dig. Was that the shape of the evening then, something structured by Louis’ painful and barbed asides catching at my flesh? I rolled off him and fished out my laptop computer. I took my notebook and glasses from the bedside table. He didn’t comment.

There wasn’t much for me to attend to on the internet. A few emails. Facebook nonsense. I had been tagged in some photographs and proceeded to vet them. I do like candid photographs, but there are limits.

Louis had picked up the Press-Register. “Why don’t we go out just in case,” he said. “If she wants to, we can go again.”

I don’t think he was thinking this through. As a general rule, we do not hunt so close to where we live, unless we can truly be sure it is a little drink only and nothing more. We didn’t have time to go far enough afield. At least I felt we didn’t have time. He was right that I couldn’t call to check.

“You go,” I said. “I’ll wait.”

“That’s alright. If you want to wait, we’ll wait. I’ll survive.”

“Won’t it drive you mad?” I said. I’d opened up my Notes document and begin to transcribe.

“You forget to whom it is you’re speaking,” Louis said, and I was about to tell him off, but he was right. Anyone who could live on rats for as long as he had could skip a night. Just one though, allowing for the precedent of the consequences of his doing that.

“How’s the Gulf?” I asked, deliberately.

Louis gave me a look, but it worked, as I knew it would. “Thad Allen’s leaving,” he said.

“I don’t know who that is.”

“The Coastguard National Incident Commander. He actually stepped down moths ago but…”

I sighed. “Unlike you, Louis, I have better things to do than read everything about the fucking oil spill, so obviously I don’t know what that is either. When you tell a story like this you must structure in a referent or two so I am able to orient myself.”

I regretted saying that. I regretted saying anything that could stop him from focusing on the spill instead of my mother. “It’s called glossing,” I said, hastily. “One should gloss.”

I wonder if he took pity on me then, because he went on with only the slightest air of annoyance. “Admiral Allen,” Louis said, “is a Coast Guard official and the man appointed by President Obama to oversee responses to the disaster. He has a most distinguished career, actually, and…”

“What did he do?”

“Many things, but…”

“No, I mean, why is he stepping down? What did he do? Did he get caught taking a bribe or something else scandalous?”

“I think he’s just retiring.”

“Oh,” I said. “That’s dull.”

“He’s responsible for most of the online mapping.”

“The what?”

“I showed you,” Louis said. “The computer map of the spill and how it was spreading. On the internet. That was his idea, to make that map public.”

“Oh yes, I remember,” I said. I didn’t. I was bored with the internet now anyway. I hopped out of bed, and started to flick through my wardrobe. I’d shower and dress, I felt better equipped to face the evening showered and dressed. I felt the need to cement things with a lot of ritual. Prayer. I thought I might do something to my face and slipped into the bathroom.

“What’s that on your face?” Louis asked when I slipped out. “Supernatural late stage leprosy?”

“Shut up,” I said, then I read off the jar for him, “it’s a Green Clay Masque with Rice Enzyme.”

Louis opened his mouth to say something, then seemed to think better of it. I supposed I knew what it was – you don’t need that, it will have absolutely no effect on you – but I wondered why he decided not to lecture me. Perhaps he couldn’t be bothered.

He could think what he liked anyway. I felt the stuff drying on my face and I liked the sensation of it, it felt redeeming in some manner. I set the jar down and sat back on the bed and pulled out my laptop again. Nothing on Facebook had changed and it was all still boring. I trawled through it anyway. One feels obligated, or else compulsion. That,too, is like a naturalized little prayer against disaster.

Louis ran a gentle, distracted-seeming hand up and down on my back as I did. “My mother…” he said. I looked up.

I wasn’t sure if he’d trailed off out of discomfort, or simply because he didn’t intend to keep speaking. “What, Louis?”

“When my brother died…” Louis said, and that was surprising enough that I had to actually turn around to look at him. He never spoke about this. Never. And it didn’t precisely seem buried, not on his face now, nor in the fact that he’d stuttered himself out of speaking. Once turned around I held perfectly still.

He began again. “When my brother died,” Louis said, “well, you probably remember my telling you this, but we’d argued. Almost immediately before. Moments before. And my mother blamed me.”

“That’s not kind,” I said. “And it’s not true. Brothers exchange harsh words sometimes.”

“No, you’ve misunderstood,” Louis said. “I mean that she believed I’d committed the act. She asked the police to question me.”

Oh, Louis, I wanted to say. How horrible. How cruel. “Is that why you can’t understand a mother caring for you, or being your friend or being intimate?”

“Perhaps it is,” Louis said. “My mother and I were never particularly at odds before then, but we weren’t close either. I don’t know. I don’t know what she thought.”

“Why didn’t you ask her?”

“You’re correct that we didn’t have that sort of intimacy. I don’t recall ever asking her much of anything.”

How quickly I regretted this Green Clay Masque with Rice Enzyme. It had already started to itch and I wanted it off me, but I could not move to interrupt what Louis was saying. My heart wouldn’t let me do that.

“I don’t think my family in general liked me very much,” Louis said, his solemn white face still and his eyes far away. “Furthermore, I’m not sure I deserved being liked, since I don’t recall I was very kind to them. My father died and I focused on management, and I don’t wonder if that’s all I did. My sister said as much, after… well, after you and I… after I sent her to the city.”

“Did she really just announce that to you,” I said. “That she didn’t like you? That’s an awfully rude thing to say to the person funding your lifestyle.”

Louis raised an eyebrow at me. I took the point. However, there was strangely little malice in his expression considering how much room in it for malice there was. That was curious and I waited for him to continue.

“Yes she did,” he said. “She and I did become close then. When I visited her, we did talk, and with a great deal of frankness and intimacy, and she said very directly that I had become kinder and that she had begun to understand and to like me. So perhaps my mother simply knew an unkind person.”

But the real you must have shone through, I wanted to say. It seemed impossible to me that anyone could have met Louis and not instantly fallen as fatally in love as I, even, if not especially, his mother. Someone so beautiful, so passionate, so gentle and particular and odd, you’d need a heart of stone not to love him. But perhaps all of his reservations with me had come from this. Perhaps like all of us, Louis had been irreparably shaped by the first person ever to hold his vulnerable mortal body as it came into this world, forever formed by whatever definition of love was taught to him.

“Your mother was crazed with grief, chéri,” I said. “That’s all it was. You didn’t deserve that.”

“Well,” he said. He opened the paper again. His face was flat now. He’d finished. Any grief of his own that lingered, he wouldn’t show me.

I tried, subtly, to scratch my face, but I stopped before he looked at me. If he noticed he’d say something pointedly right about the masque and I didn’t want him to do that. “Whatever happened to that man your sister married,” I said. “She married that… I forget, but there was something about him…”

It was desperate. But I hoped it at least sounded conversational.

“There was nothing about him,” Louis said. “Unless you mean the fact that he was profoundly inbred, which yes, I suppose, is notable from a certain point of view.”

I snorted. “You’re a snob, chaton.”

“I’m nothing of the sort. It’s your kind who inbreed. The middle classes marry out.”

“You are…” I said, but I didn’t know what he was. Terrible, at least, I wanted to say. Absolutely appalling. I felt myself smiling, preparing to tease.

“Listen, Monsieur,” Louis said, and I stopped. He said it firmly, a stately little command, and it worked on me instantly. I listened, I waited.

“Listen, Monsieur,” he said, again. “I intend to be an asset to you in this, not a obstacle.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“That’s all,” he said. “Go on. Go on about your strange ablutions. I’m going to finish these papers.”

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brittsekland · 4 years

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Interview with Topper Headon, February 1980.

Turn off your mind, lie back on the couch and relax. We're going to have an association test. What do you think of when I say the Clash? Running battles with the grey forces of government? Three cord supercharged thrashes vilifying unemployment and public housing vegetation? Seething hordes of punks dancing themselves into a frenzy? Wrong. Times have changed. Punk is now locked as firmly into the past as hippies were in the sixties. Safety pins and bondage trousers are as passe as headbands and peace signs. The bands that characterized an era have disappeared. The Sex Pistols destroyed themselves, the Damned are a self-parody, which leaves the Clash. After an impressive first album and a fair second effort, their third a double recaptures the drive and energy of the first. The Clash have esestablished them-selves as the most talented band to emerge from the much vaunted new wave.

Their lastest album, London Calling, displays considerable evolution since early days of the band. The songs are more reflective and melodic. Songwriters Joe Strummer and Mick Jones contribute heavily but to a large extent the dexterity and adaptbility of drummer Topper Headon has enabled the Clash to develop their musicality. Topper is, perhaps, the most accomplished musician of the four-man band. His early training with a variety of different music forms from traditional jazz to soul, has provided a firm foundation for Strummer and Jones. Topper provides the matrix from which the rest of the band work. Topper believes the Clash have survived because they have staying power, because they haven't been afraid of changing and because they weren't hesitant to branch out when they grew tired of playing frenetic chords. "We've remained true to what we originally believed in," declares Topper. " We still enjoy playing our own songs. We're not going through any set patterns. The basic idea has been to remain true to what we believe in and not allow ourselves to be dictated to by the industry and become CBS puppets." They've done a deft job of staying ahead of big business machines. "We refuse to do Top of the Pops for example, even when the single came in at 29. CBS started to put pressure on us to do it. They tell us we won't have a hit single, and we say, so what? Who needs it? We wanted our double album to go out for £5 when everybody else's albums go out for a lot more. We had to fight battles to get a cheap record out. Obviously that's not in record company interests. They told us it was impossible. Maybe that's why we've stayed together; we keep setting ourselves impossible tasks. It gives us drive. Even on tour, the Clash are determined to keep prices down which certainly affects the bands take home pay. But money isn't what they want most. "What we want is for the kids to be able to see us," Topper says. Their attitude to irrates businessmen. "If anybody does something like sneak a video of us on television, we'd split up. And CBS know we mean business. We owe them so much money they can't afford for that to happen." The Clash are a refreshing contrast to the kind of bands that do anything to get their name on the dotted line. From the beginning it's been a complete turnaround from the usual state of affairs that exist between band and record company. The companies have been chasing the Clash. Topper joined the Clash between their first and second albums. Previously he was playing with a soul band that regularly toured Germany and British airforce bases. Regularly earning £50 weekly, Headon took a cut in pay to work with the Clash. "I knew at once that it was the gig I'd been looking for. Everything came quite naturally. By the time Topper joined the Clash, he was beginning to think he'd never pass an audition. Not many bands were signed before the British punk explosion. "They'd form a band for somebody from out-of-work musicians who had been thrown out of other bands. They knew the ropes, so they wouldn't kick up a fuss because they knew they were dispensable. Every time I went along for an audition, I was constantly beaten by drummers who had played for name bands and had 'experience'. It just went on and on like that." Topper had been playing drums since he was 13. Drumming was a habit he picked up when he had a broken leg which halted a promising football career. His dad spotted a second-hand kit in the local paper and bought it. By 14 Headon was regularly playing with a traditional jazz band. "For some reason bands were always short of drummers..." As far as tutoring, Topper never got past the introduction in the books. Paradiddles and triple paradiddles were as far as he got. Eventually Headon bought a Premier kit: "At that time it was the cheapest pro kit you could get. You could go into any music store and get one. Everyone stocked spares and fittings. That was one of the reasons why I bought a Premier. I'm still sold on silver kits because they look great under the lights." A few days before his first tour with the Clash he took possession of a silver Pearl kit, which he still uses. After a bit of chopping and changing of toms, he's wound up with a 24" x 17" bass drum, 14" x 10" top tom tom, 16" x 10" and 18" x 10" floor toms, and a Ludwig Black Beauty snare drum. All the cymbals are Zildjian - two pairs of 15" Heavy Rock hi hats, a 16" crash, an 18" crash, a 21" Rock ride, a 19" Rock crash, and a 20" Rock crash, plus a little Zildjian splash cymbal attachted to the top of the bass drum which he claims is driving the rest of the band mad. All the stands are Premier Lokfast Trilok stands. "I go for a real solid kit," claims Topper, "that's why I chose Pearl and Premier. They're really solid and serviceable, no frills on them. You get a good feeling when you sit behind them because they're so workmanlike. You think, 'Great, I ain't gonna knock these over.' I use rubber mats to secure the kit on the riser." "Although I have the kit basically the same most of the time, I do like to change it around occasionally. If I started to use wooden blocks on the riser then I'd be stuck with one position, and that can be limiting." When it became evident that the Clash were here to stay, Topper got the chance of a new kit, which he tried but didn't rate as much. However, he did take Pearl up on the offer of a recover and recon. He expects to have his present kit for at least another five or six years, providing it dosen't get dropped or broken. Another complaint from Topper is lack of service and spares outside London: "We've got a flight case which is like a miniature drum shop, it carries everything down to cymbal felts and spare lugs for the bass drum. We always take it with us on the road and keep it stocked up. "I begin a tour with everything I conceivably need, and gradually I get rid of things I don't need, so the kit gets smaller as the tour goes on. Once the hi hat busted, the spring went right inside, and it was impossible to fix up. It was a Saturday night when we discovered it, and we had a show on Sunday. Luckily, we were able to borrow a high hat stand from the support band." Topper is a man dedicated to acoustic drums. He regards synthisized drums as irrelevant: "They were alright for two weeks, then the novelty wore off. Personally I'm exploring different areas, like percussion. I even use finger cymbals on one track of London Calling. But thats the way to go - into acoustic percussion. There's so much scope there that I don't know why synthisized drums were invented in the first place." Miking up for a gig is a lot similar to miking up for the studio. Topper uses two overhead cymbal mikes, and two mikes for the double hi hat set up he uses. The toms are all miked from the top, and the snare drum is miked from beneath. He keeps both heads on and never keeps anything inside the shells. Topper uses very little damping live. What damping there is, is usually on the bass drum, and always external. All damping is with gaffer tape. Topper prefers AKG mikes, but on tour they vary depending on which PA hire company is being used. "I can go into the studio and get a good drum sound in an hour," continues Topper. Listen to the latest LP London Calling and you'll hear what he means. "The first time I went into the studio I was pretty green but I learnt from it. For London Calling I went straight in and knew exactly what to do. Everybody goes into the studio much more relaxed now. I use AKG mikes and everything is miked from the top except for the snare. Again I use double heads to get the boom sound, and I use room mikes to pick up the spillage, to make it sound more live without going over the top. The set up is exactly the same as I have live, really, except I don't use a bit of damping." The biggest problem with putting out the new album were recording costs. The Clash figure that the longer they spent in the studio, the more it would cost, the more money CBS would have to put up, and consequently they'd have a greater hold over the band. The Clash even put up some of the money themselves. Eventually they had the tape and told CBS: "You can have it if you meet our conditions." Topper admits that there are some mistakes on the album, and more than a few drum errors. That's the price to pay for the energy captured on the vinyl. London Calling was recorded in a month, with Guy Stevens producing. That's how it's going to be in the future, Topper maintains. The second album, Give Em Enough Rope, was not as successful as either the first or the third records, and Topper blames producer Sandy Pearlman for this. "He made it quite dull," Topper says. "He was a dull person to work with. We wanted a producer, CBS gave us a list of producers and his name was on the top. We listened to stuff he'd done with heavy metal bands, and we thought it was rubbish, but it was the production we were interested in. We wanted to get a good sound, and one complaint against the first album was that it sounded too thin. So we wanted some production that would stand up to time. So we got Pearlman. But he took so long to do it, with his perfectionism, that the prevalent feeling in the studio by the time he'd finished was boredom. When I think about recording that album I cringe." Problems don't end in the recording studio for the Clash. For a good few years now they've had constant trouble with local councils who insist on banning their gigs for fear of trouble. The whole surge of reaction against punk bands from "The Establishment" began with the infamous Sex Pistols. The daily newspapers portrayed the Clash as wreckers of society. "We're still getting that sort of prejudice," explains Topper. "We've had 16 gigs booked at various Mecca places, and then about 12 pulled out. You have to completely re-route the tour." The Hammersmith Palais cancelled a concert there because they said there were too many mirrors in the place to safely allow Clash fans in. "But our fans don't smash things anymore. They do if they're told what to do, like sit down in this seat and be a good boy. That's why out of all the gigs on our British tour only have two seats in them." Harassment from local villages takes other forms. The obligatory visit from the fire inspector often results in strict demands being laid down: "He says take that backdrop down, so we take the backdrop down, and he says erect more crash barriers, so we put up more crash barriers, he says this stage has to be rebuilt here, and you need more security. We just laugh at him and do anything he wants. Nothing can stop us playing. But they make life difficult." As time progresses, however, the Clash are becoming more acceptable, though not more respectable, Topper hopes. He makes the point that the Clash have to pay for all the damage that's caused, so why should they promote vandalism? Surprisingly, Topper found that the audiences in America weren't so much different to the British fans. The punk thing is really only just beginning to happen across the pond: "They're still into safety pins," declares Topper. "It's the same as the White Riot tour here, when there were about 300 or 400 fans dancing down the front with the rest there out of curiosity. But we sold out 25 of our 28 gigs there, and that was in 3,000 and 4,000 seater auditoriums. The States is so big. LA was just a load of old hippies lazing around getting stoned in the sun. I liked Chicago best, with all the blues clubs. But we should do well over there because the USA has all the same problems as Britain except they're magnified. They have all the slums and the poverty and more of a racial problem too." Highlighting social problems is one of the bands strong points. They should have plenty to write about in America. The Clash are political, and very definitely anti-National Front. Topper's favourite drummers come from America, such as Harvey Mason and Steve Gadd. His favourite British drummer is Terry Williams, who plays for Rockpile. Musically, his tastes are strictly black; James Brown, Otis Redding and lots of reggae, particularly the Mighty Diamonds. America looks tripe for the Clash. They've toured there twice and soon they should start to take off now that punk has spread. The Americans have been fairly slow catching on to what the 76' British New Wave was all about - perhaps they've been too wealthy for too long. With a new recession biting home, maybe the Clash will take on new relevance to downtrodden, unemployed kids in America. Topper himself represents a new establishment of musicians in Britain that once would have been unthinkable. Two years ago the Clash were vilified as not being "real" musicians. Their drive, talent and staying power has proved the cynics wrong. In general, the Clash have proved themselves to be dedicated professonials with firm ideals at heart. In particular, Topper Headon spearheads the drumming new wave with a forceful and accomplished style that can't be dismissed.

#topper headon #the clash #article #*mine

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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The Nevers Episode 1 Review: a Tonal Mishmash

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This The Nevers review contains spoilers.

The Nevers Episode 1

Who is The Nevers for? Not kids, clearly. The frolicsome humour, cartoony performances and grade school social commentary might suggest so, but the nudity, cursing and blood say no. It’s meant for adults then, those of us happy to go along with the essential YA-ness of its ‘Victorian orphanage for superpowered misfits’ premise.

Episode one opens with a flashback montage introducing the ensemble of – mostly but not all – women in 1890s London. One repairs a broken pump with a clothespin, another queues for an opera audition, another is led away to an asylum, while another drops willingly into the Thames. By the end of the hour we learn that this was the moment that three years earlier, a mysterious and possibly alien airship passed over London trailing glittering motes that entered some and left them with a unique special ability.

The new powers, or ‘Turns’ appear related to natural predisposition. The doctor can magically heal wounds. The woman with a knack for engineering can suddenly see and guide electricity. The opera singer’s voice has a magical effect on those who hear it… These people are ‘The Touched’, a new feared and misunderstood subculture in Victorian society.

Mysteries are set up in fast succession. Who is kidnapping The Touched and conducting cruel live experiments on them? What drives Maladie (Amy Manson), the Touched asylum patient turned serial killer? What role will blackmail-based sex club The Ferryman’s, run by the debauched Lord Swann (James Norton) play? And why does nobody seem to remember the golden angelfish-shaped ship that dished out the powers?

Ass-kicking, future-seeing action widow Mrs Amalia True (Laura Donnelly) is another mystery. Along with inventor Penance Adair (Ann Skelly), she’s part of the energising double act who go around London retrieving the Touched and bringing them back to an orphanage owned by philanthropist Lavinia Bidwell (Olivia Williams). Behind the orphanage’s utopian walls, the Touched are accepted for their differences and part of a chosen family.

Miss Adair and Mrs True are a fun pair; Penance brings the steampunk gadgets, Amalia brings the noise. A caustic voice for the voiceless, Mrs True also brings the curt dressing downs to bigots who see The Touched as inhuman. She’s the chief mouthpiece for the show’s social commentary, which is worn very much on its puffed sleeve. Wherein lies the problem.

How The Nevers Weathered COVID Delays and Joss Whedon’s Departure

By Alec Bojalad

Fandoms Roil Online as Joss Whedon Suddenly Quits His New HBO Show The Nevers

By Kirsten Howard

A major weakness of The Nevers is that everything feels in service of theme and not character. That theme, in case you dodged it in episode one, is society’s treatment of the outsider. An otherwise charming cast is done a disservice by dialogue and characterisation that’s here to stage a debate rather than a human drama. Pip Torrens (Poldark) plays Lord Massen, for example, a walking symbol of the status quo who declaims against the Touched, women, immigrants and ‘deviants’. The Touched therefore become a catch-all stand-in for any marginalised group oppressed by power and seen to threaten the social hierarchy.

Such unspecificity might work for a younger audience less likely to have seen it all before, but for adults, for fantasy fans well-versed in this kind of allegory, what’s being added? If you’ve ever wanted more corsetry and parasols in your X-Men, then you’re in luck, but if not, what The Nevers has to say is unlikely to blow your mind.

Which brings us back the question of who The Nevers is for. When HBO gave it a straight-to-series order back in 2018, it was obvious: Joss Whedon fans. People who, like me, had grown up on Buffy and Firefly and tried our damnedest with Dollhouse. Here was our next iteration of the Whedonverse: an enclave of kickass women, witty one-liners, and an overarching message of weirdos-unite empowerment.

Even back then, it was becoming hard to square that message of empowerment with reports of Whedon’s personal behaviour, and actors being treated badly behind the scenes. Three years on, ‘Joss Whedon fan’ is a defunct brand. While it’s possible to still love the work, after several of Whedon’s previous cast members went public with allegations of the showrunner’s inappropriate and unprofessional behaviour, it’s impossible to love the man.

All of which is an overlong way of saying that for the type of viewer tuned into this stuff –obviously not everybody – The Nevers comes preloaded with discomfort. It could be the greatest TV show in the world and, like a delicious dish made from an endangered species, would be hard to enjoy knowing what we know.

The Nevers is not the greatest TV show in the world. It’s a tonal mishmash of comedic gaiety and Ripper-ish Victoriana. The combination of fairy tale imagination – where girls grow ten times their size Alice in Wonderland-style or float an inch off the floor – with louche sex and slit throats is an uncomfortable blend. Its brighter moments are dimmed by a need to fill a 9pm HBO timeslot. Who is The Nevers for? So far, not me.

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The Nevers continues next Sunday the 18th of April at 9pm on HBO. It will air in the UK on Sky Atlantic from May the 17th.

The post The Nevers Episode 1 Review: a Tonal Mishmash appeared first on Den of Geek.

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theexleynatureblog · 4 years

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Sorry, but letting your cat outside is a sign of a lazy owner.

Scientists estimate there is between 60million to 160million feral cats in the US. July, 2018.

“Bring in the dog and put out the cat!” - Yakety Yak. Letting our cats outside is almost a part of Western culture, since the days of Fred and Wilma. But we should all no by now that a cultural norm doesn’t make something automatically right.

At the end of every episode, Fred Flintstone let’s the family saber-toothed cat outside, only for the cat to jump back inside through the window and lock Fred out of the house.

Unfortunely, real-life cats aren’t as responsible. If you let your cat outside, and they are comfortable, they will take advantage of the opportunity. I know from experience living in a house with five outdoor-cats.

An article from Battersea.org gives instructions on how to safety introduce your cat to the outdoors, stating ‘your cat may want to explore.’

Well, of course they do! They’re a cat! It’s like telling a human they may want to walk. Here’s the thing: animals are high-wired to do what they want, not what they should. Because in the wild, the things they want is to find food and hunt, which helps them to survive. A captive cat doesn’t need to do that, but they’ll still have that interest in the outdoors and the high-energy associated with it.

The biggest arguments I hear for letting cats outside it ‘it’s their nature’, ‘they deserve freedom’, ‘they need the exercise/stimulation’. This is true. Cat’s are living animals who are designed to expend energy, just like us. Exercise is essential to a pet’s health, and as a pet owner, it’s your job to make sure they’re getting what they need.

The problem is, if you’re doing this by letting your cat roam the neighborhood unsupervised, you’re doing it very wrong.

A cat wheel, recommended for owners of high-energy cats, like Bengals.

First, I’m before I list the many reasons to not let your cat outside, I’m going to list alternatives.

Number one - play

Did you buy a box of cat-toys for your new kitten? Did your new cat play with them a little bit and then loose interest playing by themselves? Purina recommends two 20minutes play sessions for your kitten every day. This time can change depending on your cat’s energy level. Obviously, a really active cat will need more, and an older cat may need less. You cant just dump a box of toys on the living room floor an expect your cat to keep itself busy all day like a toddler would, you have to engage with them!

Cat’s ‘play’ as an extension of their hunting instincts. They’re not doing it to pass the time, they’re doing it to learn and practice how to kill things. The key to productive play is thinking like prey. That long rope? Pretend it’s a snake. Grab that mouse toy and bounce it around in front of your cat like you think an actual mouse would move. Don’t poke or bonk your cats with they’re toys - its not encouraging their hunting instincts and may just make them annoyed and not want to play.

Aside from keeping them stimulated, playing with your cats every day can strengthen their bond to you. A happy and tired cat will have no interest in going outside. The amount of time you’d expect to play with/walk your dog is the same amount, maybe a little less, you should expect to spend on your cat. If you don’t have the time of day to take care of a dog, don’t get a cat.

Also, FYI, don’t use your hands as a toy, especially with kittens. A bad cat bite can put you in the hospital with a serious infection - even if your cat has lived indoors all it’s life. Using your hand to play instead of toys will teach kittens that your hand is in fact a toy. Good luck trying to pet them later.

Number Two - Cat furniture

Ever heard of puppy-proofing? Well, cat proofing is also a thing! If you want to take on the responsibility of owning a pet, be prepared to rearrange your entire house - and buy some new stuff. Cat’s are designed to climb and travel, so they may try to jump to to the tallest places in your house. Don’t want them up there? Consider getting a dog. Spray bottles and scolding may work, but unless you’re giving them an alternative to flex their muscles, it’ll only lead to behavioral problems down the road.

Cat walks are a fun and safe way to let your cat have the run of the house. Not only will it be fun for them, but it’ll make them feel safer. If you cat feels trapped, it may hide a lot of the time. This is especially important if you bring another cat into the house. One cat acting scared may invite the other cat to attack. Cat-walks give your cat the advantage to ‘oversee their kingdom’, and escape a situation that makes them uncomfortable.

But, I wouldn’t expect everyone to have this. If you rent your home, can’t afford this, or can’t build it yourself, it’s not an option. But you can be aware of how you arrange your furniture and shelves. If the cat’s gonna jump up on stuff, you might as well make sure it’s safe.

The bare minimum cat furniture you need (besides a litter box) are scratching posts. Even a declawed cat will want one, because they’re not just shedding nails - they’re marking their territory.

Most predators have a way of marking territory to keep invaders away. Cats do too, with a host of special glands. One of those is called an interdigital (inter-digital) gland located - you guessed it - between their toes, or digits. In the wild, when cats scratch on trees, they are rubbing that scent gland on the bark, to warn other cats this is their territory.

Your indoor cat probably won’t have to worry about invaders, but they will still want to use that gland. In their minds, your house is their territory that they must defend. This is why litter boxes are also important.

You may have seen pictures or videos of cats being trained to use and even flush toilets. It may be cute, but its actually not that great from a cat behavior standpoint. This article from The Dodo does a good job of explaining why NOT to potty-train your cat.

Don’t wanna deal with litter boxes? Get a dog! Because with cats, litter boxes are essential. Not only does it give your cat a place to do its business, but it allows them to exercise more of their natural behaviors. After all, ‘natural behaviors’ are the reason owners let their cats outside, right?

For every cat, there should be one litter box plus one extra. Two cats should have a total of 3 litter boxes, and so on. The boxes should be scooped once a day, with their litter changed about once a week - depending on specific needs. Sounds like a lot of work? Yeah - it is! Plus the smell of ammonia isn’t pleasant. If you don’t want to deal with this - Don’t. Get. A. Cat.

Naturally, people look for short cuts, like training their cat to use the toilet, or letting them outside to do its business. Hey, it works for dogs, don’t it? Well - cats aren’t dogs. They have different behavior. While you can count on that fence keeping your dog in your yard, your cat is going to parkour over that like nothing. While dogs will go anywhere they feel comfortable, cats have an instinct to bury their feces. According to Live Science, this helps them hide from other predators. Cats can be eaten by anything bigger than them, and they know it. It’s a behavior that gives them security. Think about it like having a lock on the bathroom door - in a public place. Would you be brave enough to go without it? Personally, I’d hold it until I got home. Cats probably feel the same way, so they’re going to want to find substrate that’s easy to bury stuff in - fresh soil in a flower bed, or little Jimmy’s sandbox.

This is also why toilet-training is a bad idea. It’s not a natural behavior for cats, and it denies their instincts to bury their waste and mark their territory. Also, what happens when your cat gets elderly or injured, and they can’t jump onto the seat for a few days?

Your Cat can still enjoy the outdoors.

Did you know they make cat leashes? That’s right, you can allow your cat to transverse the yard and neighborhood in safety! The downside of this is cat’s don’t tend to be as excited about walks as dogs do. When I bought a harness and leash for my cat, they plopped on their side and refused to move. I never got to take him on a walk.

If your cat is similarly lazy, that doesn’t mean its impossible, it just means training will be required. With the right balance of motivation and knowledge, a pet can be trained to do anything physically possible. Yes, it’s consistent work and slow progress, but exactly the thing a good pet owner should be willing to do. If your cat is staring out the window and practically running out the door, then they might not even need training. With a lease, you can prevent your cat from killing small animals, keep them from climbing too high in a tree, and keep them out of the street and away from possibly dangerous animals.

On that note, now may be a good time to list the reasons why NOT to let your cat outside! (Warning, this next section may contain intense images of blood, violence, and dead animals. Reader discretion is advised).

Parasites.

Hold onto your stomachs, everyone! We are not taking the gentle road.

When I say parasites, I’m not just talking about fleas and ticks - very common and very overlooked. There are worse things out there. Toxoplasma, for one. This parasite that causes flu-like symptoms sheds from cat feces, and it can be much worse for pregnant mothers (this is why your doctor recommends not cleaning a litter-box while pregnant). To make matters worse, its one of the most common parasites in the world, spreading by - don’t throw up on me - fecal-oral contact, which is exactly what it sounds like. A cat can host the parasite without any symptoms and spread to humans, and that’s not the only one.

Outdoor cats are much more likely to get parasites and harmful bacterial. This is because they consume wild animals harboring parasites, and they can pick up stuff from the environment. A squirrel could defecate somewhere that a cat walks, and later licks themselves to clean. Boom! Infected. Now, your outdoor cat could spread stuff like toxoplasma to your neighbors! There’s your neighbor, working in their flower garden, unaware your cat used it for the bathroom (and buried it). Ope, now she’s whipping her nose with her unwashed hand! Boom! Infected.

Want to learn something really crazy? Cat parasites have made their way to aquatic mammals!

This National Geographic Article gives more information on how the ‘Kitty Litter’ parasite has made it to marine whales and dolphins. This is due to feral and stray cats defecating near waterways that eventually wash out to the ocean. While cats and some terrestrial mammals can host the parasites with out any major symptoms, marine mammals are very different. They are the incorrect hosts for these parasites, and anyone who’s studies parasites (like me) knows, parasites in the wrong host is a recipe for disaster. AKA, death. And like many other species, our marine mammals are going through enough troubles right now.

If you keep your cat inside and use a litter box, there is still a risk of infection, but you’ve significally lowered the potential spread. I say, anyone you takes the responsibility of cleaning a cat box is a hero. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. You are doing your cat and your neighborhood a huge favor. I sincerely thank you. So, when you’re scooping or changing litter, wear gloves, wear a mask, don’t touch your face, and wash your hands thoroughly afterword's. Also, take note of the condition of your cats dropping. Sometimes, to can clearly see worms, or something may just not look right. Remember - as an owner, it’s your responsibility to monitor your pets health. If you see something that doesn’t look right, you can take them to the vet. You can’t do this if you let your cat outside to do there business in the garden a few houses down.

High Death Rate

For feral cats, lifespan is typically two years. 50% of kittens don’t survive their first couple of days. Cats are killed by anything from car collisions, poison, coyotes, raccoons, raptor birds, and other cats. Male cats constantly fight each other for territory and access to females.

This brings up an interesting question. If cat’s death rate is so high, how are there so many in every town? A couple reasons.

Cats have a lot of kittens - multiple litters within a year. Even if only 50% of those kittens survive, that’s a lot of cats that are ready to breed themselves not long after.

Another reason is artificial healthcare. What this means is people will feed, spay/neuter, or rescue injured animals, and then release them. Because of their cuteness, cat’s have a charisma advantage over native predators in a neighborhood like coyotes and raccoons. No one’s going to trap a coyote with a broken leg to take it to the vet. I know that if I hit a cat with my car, and it was still alive, I would definitely rush it to emergency care. Supplemental feeding goes hand-in-hand with this. When people see a large cat colony outside, they may want to leave food out for them to help them out. Cats will eat the food, but it won’t end there. You may end up attracting more cats to an area, increasing the population. But if you were to suddenly stop feeding them, the extra cats are going to starve. You have only provided the animals with limited extra resources. Also, more cats in an area may lead to more fighting amongst them.

Because cats have a high death rate, the population’s method of survival is putting out high numbers. Feral and stray cats are constantly competing for food and running from dangers, and the ones who can put up with the suffering the most survive. This is the reality of nature. Nature is not a garden of Eden with fairies dancing with deer. This is the brutality you are exposing your pet cat to when you let them wonder alone outside.

Cats Kill Stuff

Cats are one of the few animals that kill for fun. Its not that they’re sadistic - they’re instincts tell them to bat that thing that moves, and they’ll do it until the thing escapes or stops moving. People automatically think about birds and small mammals, but cats will also eat insects, amphibians, and reptiles.

Some people swear by this argument, and some people counter the argument by saying stuff like ‘yeah, but windows and windmills kill more birds!’. Really? That’s your argument? Can you imagine if we said that about serial killers? Oh, its not a big deal if Freddy killed a few woman, James over there has killed a lot more!

Like... okay, that’s not as bad, but... we should still do something about it.

Cats, windows, and windmills. Instead of looking at these as three separate problems that we can only solve one at a time, step back and look at the big picture. “Human-caused fatality.” An article from the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Services talks about migratory bird fatality numbers and causes. You’ll see a handful of different causes, each with different solutions needed.

You can’t solve a problem by pointing your finger at someone and say “They’re doing it worse”. EVERYONE involved in the problem has to do their part and correct it. For example, window collisions with birds can be decreased by window stickers and ecologically-mindful building planning (not building tall things in high-traffic bird routes).

These small, decorative stickers can help prevent bird-strike deaths.

Another angle to combat the problem is reducing industrial-caused mortality. Open oil pits are a hazard to migratory birds, who land in and ingest the oily water as they migrate. The Migratory Bird Treaty Act hold companies who do not cover their ponds accountable for ‘preventable fatalities’. However, the Trump Administration recently attempted to roll back regulations like these, in order to increase profit of oil and gas companies. Contacting politicians and being a thoughtful voter can prevent policies like these, and save birds and wildlife.

Of course, cat owners can put their foot forwards to help save wildlife life by keeping their pets inside or on a leash. People argue ‘cat’s are natural hunters. So what if they kill a few birds?’. Okay, well, first of all, if you look carefully at the stats, its clearly not just ‘a few birds’. Second, do you know what kinds of birds? No? I don’t either. In fact, we have no control what kind of bird/reptile/mammal your cat will kill. They kill whatever they can catch. This includes endangered species.

This website lists North America’s Endangered Animals. Notice that some of these animals are large mammals, like cougars. But most of the species are small animals that cats are capable of catching and killing. And cats don’t care if a species is endangered. Now, I’m confident that NONE of these species are threatened by cats alone. That’s not how nature works, it takes more than one factor to wipe out a species. Species like the Yellow-legged Mountain Frog are threatened by predation, disease, habitat fragmentation, and climate change (which can make diseases and parasite spread worse). A road through a wetland may not look like a big deal, but that may as well be a ocean for small amphibians and reptiles to cross.

Not only do these animals risk getting crushed by pedestrians and vehicles, but they have no cover from predators - and predators WILL exploit these places. Keep in mind, these animals can’t always just pack up and go - they need specific resources for food, shelter, and reproduction. Some turtles will nest in the gravel of a road because it provides the best substrate for digging a nest. This includes suburban areas - where your cats are waiting. When you add exotic animal predation pressure to a species already suffering from diseases and habitat loss, well - that’s how we lost the passenger pigeon.

In conclusion, please find ways to keep your cat healthy and happy without allowing them to roam unsupervised outside. There are programs that help remove feral colonies using live animal traps, but there are others, like places in Australia, that use lethal means. I don’t like the idea of killing cats. After all - they are adorable, and it’s not they’re fault they are there. That’s purely our fault for releasing out domestic cats into delicate ecosystems. As much as I love cats, I prioritize the health of our ecosystems and environment more, and that calls for removing large feral cat colonies. A few random barn cats of course is no problem, but the thousands of cats living in suburb yards needs to be reigned in. Whether it is done with live traps or kill traps is dependent on the people. One thing is for sure - if we don’t take responsibility for our exotic invasives, we will be paying for it for a long time in the future.

Sources

nola.com

American humane society

Caticles

US Fish and Wildlife Services

#biology #cats #feral cats #exotic animals #pets #pet owners #ecology #enviroment #parasites #endangered species

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daughterofposeidon25 · 5 years

Text

DaughterOfPoseidon Fanfiction Masterlist

🍋 = Lemons ;) NSFW

🌟 = Favorites

Please read at your own risk. Carefully read tags and enjoy!

My Hero Academia

Kiribaku

When You Let Your Heart Win by tea_at_yazes

Bakugou Katsuki finally achieves his dream of becoming Number One Hero, but he still feels like something is missing.

No Shoes, No Shirt, No Homo by SummerBummin 🌟

The shirtless man passed the stick from hand to hand, then spun it around his abdomen so it was back in front of him. He lifted the stick up, one end pointed directly at his mouth, and swallowed the flame.

“Holy shit.” Katsuki whispered. Then the man opened his mouth wide, and blew out fire like a fucking dragon. Katsuki’s jaw hit the floor as he watched the flames billow out, red, orange, gold, and a hint of electric blue.

Katsuki unconsciously took a step forwards, through the leaf cover and into the clearing. “Motherfucker, that’s badass! How the hell did you do that?!”

The shirtless man shrieked and fumbled the burning stick in his giant hands. The stick slipped through his thick fingers and landed right on his bare foot. He jumped up again, hopping on one foot and swearing up a storm. Katsuki had to slap a hand over his mouth to keep his laughter in.

Everglow by Maplefudge 🌟

Eijirou and Katsuki are known to be a formidable duo, one being a dragon shifter, the other a powerful human with explosive magic. They work together as if it's second nature, and the nations know their names. However, it hasn’t always been like that.

aka

The story of how Eijirou and Katsuki accidentally formed a life bond with each other and ended up as reluctant partners.

Kitsune Bakugo and Oni Kiri (Inu x Boku SS AU) by ComiclzWrites 🍋

The Maison de Ayakashi is a high security apartment building where humans with demon or yōkai ancestors reside, each guarded by their own Secret Service bodyguard. Bakugo stuck with the ancestor of the Kitsune has been moved into the apartment as his parents last ditch effort to fix his aggressive personality; his hired bodyguard Kirishima the ancestor of the Oni seems determined to turn his world upside-down.

We Gotta Work This Out by Assido_Mina 🍋

Sleep hasn't been coming easily to Bakugou lately, and it's pissing him off to no end. The only thing that he can think of to work off some of this anger at himself is to head to the gym and destroy some equipment.

Unfortunately for him, it seems the gym isn't empty tonight...

A Day Without You by bittymirror 🍋

safe & sound by Authoress 🌟

“I don’t need a friendly face,” Bakugou says, purposefully sitting in the seat furthest from Kirishima.

“Okay, maybe not,” Kirishima says. He smiles. “But I made tea.”

All I Ask of You by Hejter for ThatFunkyOpossum 🌟

Bakugou is scared of thunder, Kirishima sings him a tune from one of the musicals they watch together to help him calm down. Fluff abound.

Be Gentle by deviance 🌟

“So listen. I've never--" Bakugou cut himself off, grinding his teeth and groaning, face reddening, "had a friend like you," he finally finished, obviously stressed by that much admission. "So whatever, I'm not the greatest at social stuff. Not a surprise. Like I fucking care. I say what I want and do what I want."Kirishima had to fight to keep from whispering 'So manly' in reaction to Bakugou's honesty, despite everything."So I might not be the best at, like, reading signs or whatever," Bakugou waved off. "I'm the best at everything else so it's fine."Kirishima blinked. "What are you trying to say, man?""I mean," he growled, "that I didn't realize you were into me like that. And that I'm not fucking against it. But I don't know shit about dating."It took Kirishima an embarrassingly long amount of time to process that."So...are you saying you like me like that too?" He finally asked.

We're What Killed The Dinosaurs by ren_sauce

Five times Bakugou called Kirishima stupid and meant it + one time he didn't.

Something Warm by let_me_wander 🌟

When an annoying customer with ridiculous hair starts frequenting the coffee shop Bakugou works at in the weeks before Christmas, he doesn't think much of it. Until it becomes all he can think about.

Awkward flirting, the first snow, a rock show, and probably way too much coffee.

The Dandiest Lion by IronicVeghead

Bakugou Katsuki is having enough trouble trying to figure out how his drama queen of a cat, Cherry Bomb is getting out of his townhouse everyday. He does NOT need the added trouble of dealing with figuring out why she is suddenly coming home with tiny cat flower crowns on her head every single day. From the prompt: "My cat disappears every afternoon and returns every night with a mini flower crown on her head. Who the fuck is making kitty flower crowns?"

Hard To Find, Lucky To Have by QuirklessWonder (SouthernSmartAss)

“Hey, Bakugou, I have a question,” Kaminari said, and Bakugou snarled at him in response.

“What the fuck do you want?” Bakugou asked, prepared for some sort of inane question that would push him over the edge. Aizawa would be pissed if he got into another fight before his house arrest was even over, but maybe if he just repeated whatever bullshit that Kaminari said to him he’d understand.

“You’ve got to answer with complete hones-tea,” Kaminari said, stressing the last syllable and tapping on the mug like he thought that Bakugou wouldn't get it. The pun caught him off guard, confusion momentarily replacing his anger.

“What -”

“Do you think I have any integri-tea?” Kaminari asked, and his voice would almost sound earnest if it wasn't for the emphasized syllable. The back of Bakugou's throat itched, and he forced his face into a scowl. “Or how about modes-tea?”

oh shit, i'm the grown up. by antheiabelle 🌟

Looking back, Bakugou’s life as a hero was nothing like he’d ever imagined it to be. And yet, he wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Mr. Sunshine by deviance for Maplefudge 🌟

"Sorry," Kirishima murmured after a long silence, breathing in the smoky burnt scent that always lingered on Bakugou, "about earlier. I was...being stupid.""Shut up," Bakugou muttered, rubbing at his arm and leaning his head against his. "You're allowed to not always be a ray of fucking sunshine. It's not stupid to want some time to yourself. Hell, I do that shit all the time, like I'm going to judge."

risk & reward by Dreaming_of_Fairys for Koboni 🍋 🌟

Kirishima wakes Bakugou up in the middle of the night to end a week long drought of no sex despite the risk of being caught.

A Healthy Dose Of Realisation by just_a_couple_of_thoughts 🍋

When Kirishima's feelings for Bakugou develop it causes an unwarranted amount of heartache, embarrassment and blushing. Add on continuous teasing from Kaminari and it's an utter train wreck. But it may just end well yet.

Friendly Reminder by arxaris for queenkatsuki 🍋

“So, let me get this straight,” Uraraka said, looking at Bakugou like he was crazy. “You keep a stockpile of nudes on your phone, and you send them to Kirishima when you get jealous?”

“Correct,” Bakugou said through clenched teeth.

“Even when you’re together, like, out in public and stuff?” He nodded, and Uraraka’s eyes grew impossibly wider. “That’s your ‘system’ to deal with you being overly-possessive? Sexting?”

“It’s not sexting!” Bakugou hissed, blushing harder. “They’re just… reminders,” he mumbled the last word.

“Reminders of what, exactly? That you’re insane?”

‘No,' Bakugou thought. 'That I’m the only one he should be fucking looking at.’

Sunkissed by Maplefudge for Ninecloud7 🍋

When Bakugou refuses to put on sunscreen, his friends decide it's a good idea to write on his back.

Nobody wants to tell him that Kaminari had written 'Kirishima was here', with an arrow pointing downwards... not even Kirishima.

4 in the morning by efemerald 🌟

The memory of the underground raid, despite having been over a month ago, was still painfully fresh in Bakugou's mind: Eijirou, head-to-toe in bandages, barely able to move.

Now, with the same moron heading out on a second mission so soon, Bakugou can't help the rising paranoia that this could be their last meeting. And if it's their last meeting, it means it's his last chance to tell Kirishima how he feels, however he possibly can.

What it takes to get you mad by efemerald 🍋

In four years of living together, Bakugou and Kirishima only have three major blow-ups: Once, when Bakugou pushes his friend away; once, when Kirishima brings someone home; and once, when Kirishima almost dies.

One Night of Forever by deviance for arxaris 🍋

“How do you want me?” Kirishima asked, eyes heated as he stared at Bakugou on the bed.

“Fuck,” Bakugou growled, and he sprung, snatching a handful of Kirishima's hair and dragging him closer as he knelt up on the bed to kiss him hard. “Want you on your goddamn knees, begging for me,” he hissed against his lips.

Kirishima licked his lips, tongue swiping over Bakugou's. He smirked cheekily. “Going to make me?” He challenged.

Learn You (Bit by Bit) by deviance

Five things Kirishima learns about Bakugou, and one thing Bakugou teaches Kirishima about himself.

Achromatopsia by PurplePersnickety 🌟

They lifted Bakugou up, Eijirou’s breath sliced into his lungs for a moment, and colour splashed across his vision. But the cavalry battle was about to begin. There was no time to consider it, or laugh, or talk, or do anything but meet Bakugou’s red eyes, red framed by yellow-gold-pale hair, and bare his teeth in readiness. Until you meet your soulmate, you only see one colour. When you touch your soulmate for the first time, the true colours of the world appear.

Unless, perhaps, you're colour-blind.

cold in the hands that you left me by poetic_leopard

Bakugou forces his gaze level with Kirishima’s eyes—and he’s never been looked at so softly. Bakugou is not soft. If anything, he’s blood spat on concrete.

[or: it's been a month since bakugou's kidnapping & consecutive rescue, but he's still having nightmares. a series of 5 anxiety-peppered, surreal nights where kirishima's the only thing bakugou can allow himself to hold onto].

King of Cooking by IronicVeghead 🌟

Bakugou Katsuki here, also known as Pro-Hero Ground Zero. I'm writing this blog to get my so-called friends off my back about my recipes. Read them and fuck off. [Blog posts from King of Cooking: Recipe Blog written by Bakugou Katsuki, with edits and additions by his roommate Kirishima Eijirou. Each chapter will be a blog post.]

The Most Opportune Robbery by IronicVeghead

Kirishima was hopeful that he would only be in line for a few minutes, drop off the deposit without any extra charges, and be back at Alpha Office before Bakugou’s patrol was over. With sunflowers. Oh, and smoothies. Hell yes. Suddenly, the doors to the bank burst open with a crash and Kirishima knew this wouldn’t be a routine trip. “EVERYONE ON THE GROUND!”

Hidebound by IronicVeghead

Hidebound (adj.) Oriented toward or confined to the past. Pro-Heroes Ground Zero and Red Riot are co-owners of the hero agency Alpha Office. They share an apartment and a business, but both are too afraid of risking their friendship to try taking the next steps towards a relationship. Bakugou is on the verge of taking that leap when a high-profile mission suddenly goes awry and Kirishima is missing. But Bakugou is getting his partner back, and anyone who gets in his way is going to get their face blown off.

your warmth is all i need by drifting_i for l_moongod

This is how it begins. Kirishima is running for his life.

His feet hit the earth hard and fast, he can’t feel it. They're on him now, he can smell them. Four to the left and six to his right. The sides of his arms grow red starting by the elbows. He curses silently. His throat burns.

get tough, straight up by qactus

Then again, Kirishima never had this Bakugou Katsuki thing under control—probably everyone's known that, too.

Overworked & Underfucked by Kumikirin 🍋 🌟

“It’s just not manly to leave your bro like this, after knowing he can’t do anything about it, you know?” Kirishima blabbers some kind of bullshit excuse, and the worst part is that it looks like he’s totally convinced of it. “It’s just a— handjob,” he stumbles over the word, the weight of what he’s proposing hitting him all at once, but he doesn’t stop. “—but if you're not into it we can pretend I didn't just say that.”

Bakugou has to restrain himself from saying that he’s very much into it. Like, a lot, really.

a.k.a Kirishima learns the reason behind Bakugou's grumpiest days, and he offers to help because that's what best bros do.

A Kingly Duty by Morpheel 🍋

In hindsight, it really should have been a simple task.

Bakugou would help his shitty dragon through their ‘heat’, take care of his needs in the process, and set out on the road again when the season passed. Should have been a straightforward ordeal that couldn’t take more than a day or two, right?

Who knew there was so much to Draconian anatomy to take into account for.

What just fucking happened? by Dadzawa for ThatFunkyOpossum 🍋

Baku patches up Kiri and there's hella gay feels >:3

The Space Between Them by Dadzawa for Maplefudge

There’s a lot of emotions after Kirishima comes back from the raid. Bakugou and Kirishima have Things To Talk About™.

Engraved in your Mind by Hejter 🌟

Bakugou Katsuki lost his ability to recognize faces, so he didn’t know any of the people who stared at him, but he knew what dread looks like when he sees it, and as he looked around the crowd, every single person had exactly that written all over their face.

He looked down at the guy who was still on the ground, part of his uniform’s shirt burnt, his wounded face covered by his hands and his hair smoking slightly.

Katsuki glanced at his hands and finally realized something.

Kacchan is still a stubborn prick while suffering from face blindness. Also, quirk discrimination is a thing.

alternatively-

New quirk, who dis

Snowed In by MarbleAide

After crashing his car in a snow storm, Bakugou is positive he's going to die out in the middle of nowhere. That is, until he's rescued by a (decently attractive, possible murderer) stranger driving by and is brought into a mountain town to heal up and hunker down for the storm.

Bakugou's almost sure he didn't want to freeze to death in his car, but this Hallmark-bullshit-Christmas town is surely making him rethink that (at least the eye candy is good, right?).

Timeout by PurplePersnickety

Eijirou has been quietly in love with his best friend for quite some time now...

Cranky-rishima by PurplePersnickety 🌟

"Oh, I just fell out of bed," Kirishima said, almost airily. He put one hand to the back of his neck. "But I'm good."

Katsuki squinted at him. "No you're not."

Kirishima's expression fell, and he looked down at the hand not on his neck. His fingers were trembling and he closed his hand up into a fist. "No, I'm not. Fuck it."

Part 1 of Nightmares Aren't Explodable

Corn Chip by smol_bird

“So are we gonna address whatever the hell that was?” Mina asks finally, voice loud enough to be heard from next room over. Bakugou totally doesn’t jump at that, fuck you.

“I mean, we summoned a demon,” Deku offers, weakly. Katsuki scoffs again.

“Tell us something we didn’t know, nerd.”

Lie to me by FoolishFortuna

“What is it now, Deku?”

“I have two more questions.” When he wasn’t immediately told to stuff it, his classmate continued; “Firstly, w-what quirk did you get hit with?”

“I can’t lie. Dunno how long it’s gonna last, and if you tell anyone I’ll blow your fucking head off your shoulders. Got it?”

Wherein a fangirl tags Bakugou with her quirk because she ships him with Kirishima. Bakugou fights not to let anything slip -but how long can he last against Kirishima’s adorable smile?

Thank You, Bakugou by SeraphOfTheEndMySuffering

After being told he isn't allowed back home, Kirishima finds himself on his own in the dorms during holiday break. Just as his loneliness drives him to brink of insanity, he receives a few short messages that save both his holiday and his heart.

Blasty McSplode: meet at the train station at 5 Blasty McSplode: bring your sleeping bag and a change of clothes Blasty McSplode: don’t ask questions

'Cause the Dark's Not Taking Prisoners Tonight by imatrisarahtops 🌟

“Are those soba noodles?” Kirishima asked.

Again Bakugou’s only reply was a grunt. He offered no further explanation—not that Kirishima honestly expected one—as though making soba noodles from scratch at half past four in the morning wasn’t at all a bizarre occurrence and made complete and total sense. For a fleeting moment, Kirishima even wondered if maybe he was the odd one here. Besides, he’d already decided it was generally not in his best interest to question these types of things with Bakugou, especially when it was something essentially harmless.

When Kirishima has a nightmare and is unable to fall back asleep, he accepts defeat and decides to study in the common area of the dorms. What he doesn't expect to find is Bakugou, also very much awake, and Kirishima can't help but think that maybe they're both having the same problems with sleeping. If he's worried, it's just because they're friends. (Right?)

Petting Aggression by Cazuki

When Bakugou is struck by a quirk that combines him with a cat, Kirishima is assigned to assist him. What ensues can only be described as adorable and awkward.

A Cast for Your Soul by KTG for Anakito, SipSipSlurp, g0dz1lla, HoneyOnToast 🍋

Six months have passed since Katsuki and Gryuunamin defeated the godling. Since then, Katsuki has moved in with his Fated Mate, one Kirishima Eijirou, and the two are doing quite well, thank you very much.Well, they were, until Eijirou disappears, and Katsuki has to track him down before he's consumed by a wretched, terrible death known as the Kiln.Time's running short, and unfortunately, everyone from a demon to the faerie queen herself is trying to stop him from finding the love of his life.

While this is the sequel to A Cast for Your Heart, it is highly recommended you read Black and Red before beginning this story as well! Updated daily; please be aware of all CWs for all chapters.

Series Part 3 of Where Casts are Forged

Mine by Cazuki

Bakugou Katsuki, the Barbarian King, one day decides to kill a dragon who has been tormenting a village he'd been travelling through. That dragon will be his, if it's the last thing he'll ever do!

The only problem is he doesn't quite anticipate just how fateful his decision will be for him and his soon-to-be companion.

(A small set of vignettes into the adventuring life of a Barbarian King and his Dragon).

In the Dark of the Night by arxaris for queenkatsuki 🍋 🌟

Chanting sounded through the Colosseum. “Red Riot! Red Riot! Red Riot!”

Red Riot?

“Sero,” Bakugou snapped at the Head of his Council, seated a few meters to his right in the Emperor’s box. “What the fuck is a Red Riot?”

Sero nodded his head to the pit and Bakugou followed his gaze, watching as another gladiator walked out of the gate and towards the center. “New gladiator prodigy. He’s only eighteen, but he hasn’t even come close to losing a fight since he started a couple months ago.” Then, Sero smirked. “I think you’re gonna like him.”

What Makes a Man by MermaidLorelei 🌟

He woke covered in ash and dust, barking heavy coughs. The stillness crept under his scales and he opened watering red eyes to absolute destruction. Buildings were pulverized, the oasis dried up, and everywhere around him were charred, smoking remains. He watched the wind stir ash from the bones and suddenly he was retching, desperate to tear the same ash from his throat.

Or,

The desert is a place of harsh realities and hidden wonders.

Through the Cracks by Tiress 🍋

Through a prank gone horribly wrong Kaminari and Sero end up trapped in a closet and end up laying privy to something they were never supposed to see.

I'll Save You Myself by Obsessed_As_A_Coping_Mechanism 🌟

After Kirishima saves Bakugou from the League of Villains he can't let go of his hand. He's been holding it for hours, but his fingers are cement. Unbreakable.

Otherwise called: Fuck Eijirou, I'm The One Who Got Kidnapped, Why The Hell Are You Leaking All Over Me? And... Why Does My Heart Feel Like Its Going To Throw-up? By: Bakugou Katsuki

How Goth Am I? by Obsessed_As_A_Coping_Mechanism 🍋

Kirishima is a good guy. He's the star athlete at school, helps out the elderly, and always buys his mom's flowers for their birthday.

He does have one secret though.

He's obsessed with the goth boy that catcalls him in the cemetery on his nightly runs.

You Got Me Bewitched, I Am Under Your Spell by Obsessed_As_A_Coping_Mechanism 🍋 🌟

“Uh… hello?” Kirishima calls, his deep voice echoing in the room.

The witch doesn’t answer.

Not one to be discouraged by silence, even if that silence is scary as hell, Kirishima steels his nerves and steps over the threshold.

THAT the male notices. He immediately stops grinding, his head tilting to an almost forty five degree angle. It’s almost cat like. It’s absolutely eerie. He hmphs, before he calls out, “Leave.” He grabs a fistful of sour smelling leaves off the plant in front of him and drops them into his bowl.

What?! No way! Kirishima advances further, the doorway creaking under his feet. He won’t take that for an answer. “I need your help?” Frick. Why did that sound like a question when it should have been a statement?

The witch doesn’t look up again, but he swears the male rolls his eyes. “Leave. Now.”

The witch is gorgeous.

A Dragon's Wants by Obsessed_As_A_Coping_Mechanism 🍋 🌟

Kirishima wants nothing more to have babies with his strong mate. But as much as he tries, nothing is working.

Is it him? Is he... not right for Katsuki?

Or is there something else at play?

Series

Part 2 of A Dragon's Love

Kitsune!Bakugou by Save1410 🍋

You can't simply ignore a Kitsune in heat if you stumble upon them in the woods now can you?

They Brought us Together by aheartbeatlikehurricanes 🍋

Bakugou was suffering. Like the entire ocean would never be able to quench his thirst suffering and he hated himself, Kirishima, and the entire God damn planet for putting him through it all.

Just A Touch (Too Much) by Grimmseye 🍋

Prompt from the Kink Meme: Kirishima gets oversensitive after using his quirk too much, and somebody (Bakugou) fucks him until he's so overstimulated that he cries

An Explosive Tale of Love and Ships by JustThatObsession 🌟

Legends say that the king once kept a powerful weapon locked away in a tower. Bakugou Katsuki wants that weapon, except, once he gets it he soon realizes that sometimes you don't always get exactly what you bargained for.

My First One And Only by Quirkless-One (BlackBarBooks) 🍋 🌟

When Kirishima accidentally confesses to Bakugo, they are both faced with the fact that they have NO idea how to date.

It Started with a Prank by KTG for SpaceRanger88 🍋 🌟

WHAP!

The slap on his arm was followed by a giggle, and Katsuki shoved the person away. “The fuck is wrong with you?”

Teniki Michi laughed as he stumbled backward, arms crossed over his gut. He was a tall, lanky man with short black hair and brilliant green eyes. His quirk was pretty unusual: He could swap people’s genders temporarily. The swap usually resulted in the affected person’s quirk changing slightly, too, which made it harder for villains to escape, since they didn’t have time to adjust to the changes.

“S-sorry, boss! I had to, though! Chargebolt dared me!”

“He fucking what?” he snarled.

“Dared me to change the gender of the first person who walked in!”

Katsuki was about two seconds from blowing the idiot up when his words sank in and he realized he was shorter than he used to be. He lifted his hand. The fingers were slim and feminine, still covered in callouses and a little knotted from the hard work he’d put into training, but they were smaller than usual.

He was smaller than usual.

He was a goddamn girl!

Obsidian by PullingAllMighters 🌟

Bakugou Katsuki's a dangerous guy, even without his unnatural, fae-given magic. Used and scorned as evil everywhere he goes for having powers he didn't ask for, Bakugou wanders the world as a rogue nova, hunting beasts and criminals for survival. It's too bad that the real villains didn't take it well that he's not joining their side. But now they've framed it so he's a mass murderer, making all the other magicked humans like him look bad. Hunted and ever the loner, Bakugou meets Kirishima, a dragon who's also alone and outcast, who vows to protect him until they can either clear his name, or get far enough away that it doesn't matter.

Not that Bakugou needs him. Bakugou Katsuki doesn't need anyone, especially not some broken dragon who can't even fly.

Roses and Marigolds by let_me_wander

Bakugou kind of hates his mom for volunteering him to help out at his Aunt Inko's flower shop on the weekends. He already has a full time job, his weekend is supposed to be for sleeping, exercising, and eating, that's it.

What's even worse is there's this smiley, flirty red-haired guy who comes in every week and always orders the same dozen roses and always includes the weirdest notes.

Bakugou isn't intrigued, not in the slightest.

AKA a flower shop AU with a twist.

The Trials and Tribulations of an Author's Muse by let_me_wander

Dating Bakugou Katsuki was the best thing to ever happen to Kirishima Eijirou. The omega was a handful--grumpy, temperamental, and needy, but also fiery and passionate. Typical of a writer, but not so typical for an omega. But Kirishima was not your typical alpha either. Between the two of them, they make it work.

AKA Kirishima's insecurities start to come to light, but Bakugou crushes them in typical Bakugou fashion. Oh, and they spend their first heat together.

Part 2 of The Novelist AU

Spice Season by Shippeh 🍋

Sequel to Heartbeat Thunder!

This subject had been their first real argument, so many years ago. Being bonded had felt so easy at first. It came naturally, and like a couple of besotted honeymooners they’d become too confident that nothing could go wrong.

And then Eijirou had signed an autograph for a wobbly four-year old who couldn’t stop reaching for his bright hair, and had cheekily laughed afterwards, “I want like, six of them.”

Part 2 of Heartbeat Thunder

The Weight of Your Hand by kamin 🌟

That night, to the citizens, the explosions were a jolt of fear at every blast, but to the heroes and the students of UA, they were punches and swings, fierce fighting and loud strength. The explosions were the pulse of the battle, and the power of a boy that would never back down.

One after another, explosions set a chorus through the shuddering city.

And then, suddenly—the explosions stopped.

(In which Bakugou’s kidnapping goes a little differently, and just a few seconds could change so much.)

Left Hip, Right Hip, Put Your Back Into It by Sacramental_Wine 🍋

It wouldn’t have come as a surprise to anyone to know that the competitive spirit Bakugou was infected with carried over into the bedroom.

Northwest of Babylon by Sacramental_Wine 🍋

Bakugou didn’t know what compelled him to start working in fucking marble but here he was, staring at the big chunk of rock in his studio with a scowl. Sure, there had been a deal on the material but he never fucking worked in it before. He was more the type to make statues in wood or softer materials.

But here he fucking was, staring at this damned chunk of rock.

We Go Carrying On For Hours by Sacramental_Wine

Friendship was complicated when your best friend was someone you were struggling not to fall for.

You Ain't Got to Twitter Shit by Sacramental_Wine 🍋

See, he loved his boyfriend. Kirishima Eijirou was fucking sunshine in a person’s body who always remembered the kind of chips that Bakugou liked and snuggled up with him when it was too fucking cold because his huge ass body was a fucking space heater and he ate ass like a champion. But they’d been together for three years now and they hadn’t taken that last little leap in their sex life.

Our Lips Set the Sun by Sacramental_Wine 🍋 🌟

When he would look at the little mark on the underside of his left arm at night, he would know that somewhere out there someone else had the exact same shape in the exact same place on their body. But he didn’t try to imagine them. He didn’t imagine a face or a name or a personality. When his friends would talk about it he wouldn’t contribute.

Because in his heart he had a feeling that his soulmate would outclass every expectation he could possibly have.

The Best Medicine by chezka

He couldn't stop thinking about it.

The sound of it, breathy and wild, and the sight that accompanied it, warm and relaxed - Kirishima couldn't get it out of his head. It was stuck at the forefront of his mind, whenever he closed his eyes or let his thoughts wander, capturing him, cutting off his breaths.

He wanted to see it again.

Or, Kirishima sees Bakugou laughing, and his world shakes with it.

If We Met At Midnight by Sacramental_Wine

Kirishima had grown up among the hushed whispers in his small town about the tree that hung over the far edge like creeping fingers. At the base, mushrooms danced in a circle, wide and thick and waxy, an open door, his mother said, to a world distant from their own.

love letters by cutiekirishima

Bakugou finished reading, and his eyebrows drew together. He flipped the note over, as if he was looking for something, then turned around and scanned the room. Kirishima immediately avoided eye contact, pretending to suddenly be interested in his desk, his heart thrumming in his chest. A moment later, Bakugou clicked his tongue and turned back around.

Kirishima was left in complete confusion. Why didn’t Bakugou call him out? Why didn’t he react? Surely he’d say something, surely. This wasn’t the reaction Kirishima was expecting, at all.

And that’s when it hit him.

Kirishima had forgotten to sign the note.

Kirishima's failed confession attempt leads to him sending a series of love letters to Bakugou, then one day he gets one back in return.

bloodred (how to train your viking) by cutiekirishima

The dragon was the colour of fire. Scales that caught the light and shone red-orange-yellow under the blazing heat. The dragon's wound was open, its life source poisoning the beautiful colour of the transparent waves with red. Crimson, carmine red that painted the dragon's lower body, that painted the ever-so-perfect sand, staining all a dark grinning red. The viking grinned and released his axe from around his waist, holding it up to the dragon's neck with complete and utter pride.

Bakugou Katsuki is a Viking, and the leader and to-be chief of the Bakugou Clan. But his life changes when he comes in contact with a legendary Bloodflame, who was known as Kirishima Eijirou.

Life's a Drag(on) by PurplePersnickety 🌟

"Sparky," Katsuki turned and laid a hand on Kaminari's shoulder. "I need you to know that the position of Best Man at our wedding is between you and a fucking dragon, so start psyching yourself up to fight for it."

"A what?" Kaminari repeated faintly.

Bakugou Katsuki currently experiences three major problems with his life:

1. He helped a dragon with a broken leg once and now it keeps showing up outside his house all the time. 2. He has a huge hopeless crush on the guy with the red hair and the freaky teeth who just moved into the village. 3. He has no idea what to do about either of the above.

Insight by cherryredriots 🌟

While taking down a big-time gang, Katsuki faces a villain with a quirk that allows him to look at a person and see the one thing they love most in the world. For Katsuki, that's Eijirou.

Just a Parting Kiss by cherryredriots for lemxnbitxh 🌟

Eijirou and Katsuki's first kiss isn't something either of them were prepared for.

Hell’s Kitchen by arxaris for Diesel2311 🌟 🍋

Apparently bad things really did come in threes, Bakugou thought wryly, as the firefighter closed the distance between them.

Tall, tan, and jacked as hell, he was a strong contender for the single hottest person Bakugou had ever seen in his life. He was covered in soot and sweat that contoured his ridiculous muscles, making them look even more defined, and his clinging black tank top didn’t do much to hide the rest of him, either. His strong cheekbones and jaw had smears of black on them too, and Bakugou had the absurd thought that he wanted to lick them clean.

Bakugou didn’t think it was possible, but he felt himself turning even redder. He would barely have been able to talk to someone as attractive as him on a good day, and he was about to have to explain to him that he’d tried to burn down his fucking house because he was being petty on Twitter.

Super.

heart stains on the carpet by cityboys

"She's saying we're dating," Katsuki says, trying to put as much disgust into the word as possible. "Me. Willingly being around your freeloading ass—"

"Ah." Katsuki is definitely developing a special kind of intuition for when Kirishima's about to dish out bullshit—because he feels it now, watching the guy do that thing where he shrugs and smiles in an attempt to appear innocent. "Katsuki's a little shy about this sort of thing, you know, and we weren’t going to say anything."

For effect, he ends with an apologetic smile.

Summer that year brings Kirishima Eijirou to Katsuki's front door.

The Extra's Club by Sonamae 🌟

Toru is a bright ray of sunshine! At least she pretends to be. Right up until Bakugo Katsuki catches her crying in the kitchen.

astrum by popcap 🌟

If his soulmate doesn’t like him, they can get fucked. He doesn’t need to find his other half. He’s enough on his own. Sometimes he’s too much on his own.

Life goes on. Katsuki doesn’t talk to his mother about soulmates anymore.

Big Red Riding Wolf by FoolishFortuna for Bujor

Bakugou grumbled as he rose to his feet, dusting off the ass of his trousers. He rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck, before bending to stretch. There was no telling how far he’d get before the thing came for him - he’d basically spread his scent around the whole of its territory as he’d been marking his exit.

Katsuki grinned. He knew it was gonna seem like a challenge to the beast.

Because it was.

He stalked through into the creature’s neck of the woods.

you got me swimming in clouds by littlelionvanz 🌟

Google search: How do you delete a text from someone else's phone?

Google: no search results found.

Or, It's Kirishima Eijirou's last few months at Yuuei. He's got some soul searching to do.

Drabbles and Oneshots by arxaris 🍋

My drabble and oneshot collection; summary to be edited as more are added. (Rating)

1. Quirk play (E) 2. Ripped jeans (E) 3. Companion piece to In the Dark of the Night; Reincarnation AU with a visit to the Colosseum (T) 4. Movie night (T) 5. DJ!Bakugou, EDM trash!Kirishima (M for drugs) (my fic 'Remedy' is a continuation of this drabble into a proper oneshot) 6. Divorce nightmare angst (T; unhappy ending) 7. Accidental drunk confessions (T) 8. Quiet confessions (T)

Rumors (Keep My Name Out Your Mouth) by deviance

Rumors are rarely true and even rarer are they kind. Still, all it takes is a hint of credibility, just a moment of belief, for a rumor to spread like wildfire, destroying friendships and leaving those hurt left behind to try and make something of the ashes.

When you need me by sunflowerstorm

Rule 72A was for ensuring that pro heroes didn’t suffer from the occasionally extreme mental load of their work by allowing emergency responders to assign a 24hour watch over heroes they believed ‘at risk’.

When this rule is applied to Bakugo after a run in with a villain with a Nightmare quirk, he is not at all pleased, all he wanted was to go home by himself and try and forget everything that'd happened. But turns out when that rule means having Kirishima with him, it is exactly what he needs.

Favourite Everything by firesparks 🌟

"You two are being absurd. Flirting through some weird prank war. It’s obvious you two are so in love with each other. You’re practically already in a relationship, for fuck’s sake."

Soulmate AU in which the first thought crossing your soulmate's mind when they see you for the first time is written somewhere on your skin.

Biting Down by deviance 🍋

Bakugou grinned, curling his hand around the base of Kirishima's tail, digging his nails into the hard scales and watching Kirishima's eyes flare with delight.

"After we eat," Bakugou rumbled lowly, leaning closer, "you're going to fuck me until I can't walk. Got it?"

Smoke, Spice, and Everything Nice by let_me_wander 🌟 🍋

Bakugou Katsuki is a half-incubus and knows how to play the game: to find the perfect target, enchant them, and finally feed off of them. As long as certain conditions are met, no one can refuse him. Until Kirishima Eijirou.

Looks like Bakugou will have to seduce him the old fashioned way.

Bakugou is a Big Softie and Loves His Students: An Essay by minaashidoismywife 🌟

Bakugou stares at the door in front of him, nostalgia filling his mind. He can still remember how it felt to stand in front of this very door for the first time 26 years ago. It’s a strange feeling, knowing Aizawa won’t be standing at the desk when he walks through the door. Knowing that desk now belongs to him.

No Secrets to Success by kingdoms 🌟

“Hey!” Kirishima says brightly, stepping sideways to be directly in the guy’s path. “I know you!”

“Fuck off,” the guy snarls, pushing past him and barely slowing down.

Kirishima is forced to start his first semester at UA two months late. Somehow he still meets Bakugou Katsuki, makes the most of those two months, and gains a tutor, a best friend, and an exciting way to scandalize his new peers. Canon AU where Kirishima and Bakugou become friends before Kirishima meets the rest of Class 1-A.

Part 1 of Better Late than Never

All That Glitters Is Gold by Obsessed_As_A_Coping_Mechanism 🌟 🍋

Kirishima has been enamoured with the boy next door since he met him deep in the woods by his house as a kid.

Other than the fact that Bakugou never leaves the forest, won't voice his name, is nimble like a cat, and sometimes disappears into thin air, he's a normal kid just like Kiri!

Oh... and he's goregous.

And he just keeps getting prettier as time goes on.

It's Not Living (If It's Not With You) by writingboom 🍋

The red silhouette raised a hand and shot it down, and a low, loud bass chord rang through the auditorium. The lights came on and Bakugo forgot how to breathe.

All he could focus on was the guy’s huge, awful, bright red spiked hair.

Holy shit.

dont tell me what i need by TuesdayTerrible 🍋

It's involuntary the way his knees seem to buckle and give out and throw him onto the ground. It takes him a moment to realize he's hyperventilating, tears running frustratingly down his cheeks as he rubs his clothed erection slowly against the carpet.

Or the one where Bakugou Katsuki is presenting as a fucking omega, and there's nothing he can do to stop it.

Remedy by arxaris 🍋 🌟

DJ Ground Zero’s fame was soaring higher than ever. Bakugou himself, though, was falling, struggling to stay afloat.

The darkness of the year was interrupted by a single light, though. A blinding red one, dancing and laughing in the front row of every Osaka show. The city became his anchor, that smile his lifeline. He was a ray of hope, a promise that things could get better. One day.

Maybe Bakugou was going crazy.

Maybe he was falling in love.

At times, it felt like both.

Hot Sauce v Rock by PurplePersnickety

Kirishima derails Bakugou's plans on their latest (not) date.

Boiling Point by magicallee 🌟

Kirishima Eijirou has a very busy life. He's a full time student and a vigilante. That doesn't leave a lot of room for breathing, but with new villains coming every day, someone has to put themselves on the line to keep the city safe.

(Basically: it's a KiriBaku vigilante AU)

Your Biggest Fan by averagepoet 🌟

Kirishima Eijirou found out he was quirkless at the age of five, so he decided he couldn't help people by being a hero, he would help them by being a doctor!

He's still a hero fanboy, though, and he gets probably the biggest surprise of his life when he meets his favorite hero - Ground Zero, the Explosion Hero.

Burden of Proof by kytrin, Mslead 🌟

All it took was one bad day. Eijiro Kirishima was slotted to be one of UA's finest detectives before he was framed for a crime he didn't commit. Now he was used to people keeping him at arms length even after he scraped the remains of his reputation back together as a private investigator. When an old serial killer returns from the past, he finds himself in the center of a case darker and more dangerous than he could have ever anticipated. Teaming up with an angry homicide detective with ties to the killer, together they are forced to rely on one another as they face old and new enemies alike rising from the shadows

Bluetooth in Red by Shippeh

They’d been at the mall, the first time it happened. The train ride had been excruciatingly long, delayed and hot and agonizing, and before they’d even wandered past the food court, Bakugou’s phone had completely died. “Fuck,” he’d cursed, thumb jammed against the power button to no avail. With an exaggerated sigh he shoved the device back into his pocket.

Heart Made For Taking Flight by timetoboldlygo 🌟

"You seem like you have a good soul, Bakugou," Kirishima grinned, acting like that was something sensible people said.

"That's the worst reason to save someone's life I've ever heard," Katsuki scoffed. "And I don't have a good soul." He'd know better than anyone.

Katsuki trusted things he could see, things he could feel. Things he could back up with his own power. Souls were not included, so he didn't necessarily believe they existed. Really, he didn't even think about them, or hearts, or true love, or any of that bullshit. He didn't know or care if it existed and he didn't need to know, either.

Slowly but surely, one Kirishima Eijirou saves his life, remains by his side, and changes his mind.

(Un)Tangled by itswritteninblood for quirkless_loser 🌟

"This is the story of my goddamn demise."

Eijirou has dreamt of leaving his tower and breaking his curse since the day his parents exiled him, but only an explosive intruder has what it takes to finally get him out the door.

No, I Don’t Come Here Often. In Fact, I’m Never Coming Here Again. by itswritteninblood

Katsuki had been against this shit from the beginning, and now, sitting across from sunshine himself, he knew why.

Speed dating. What could go wrong?

Rip Tide by Emers_Writes 🌟

“You i-idiot, you can’t just do a flip off the board. You’ll end up with face scars like Kiri!” Ashio attempts to yell, but it's interrupted by her fits of laughter. Sero’s no better, clutching his stomach as he paddles out to the next wave off balance.

“Hey! I’ll have you know my scars look cool! They’re little lightning bolts!” Denki, ungracefully, crawls onto his surfboard during his remark. He lifts up a leg and points adamantly, showing off his well known box jelly scars.

“How about you guys stop bitching and surf.” Katsuki calls.

Bakusquad enters a local surf competition and feelings get messy along the way.

Night Lights and Confessions by IcyHotHeart 🌟

“Fuck, I already am soft for you. I just tucked you in and set up everything I know you need. Shit, please don’t realize it was me. I’ll pretend it’s Kaminari.”

or, Eijirou falls asleep and Katsuki reveals just how whipped he is.

let me love you by arxaris 🍋 🌟

Kirishima’s liked Bakugou for years and years and never thought he’d even have a chance. Bakugou could easily become a runway model if he ever decided that’s what he wanted, while Kirishima is... well, just Kirishima.

There’s no denying he’s strong, but not in the graceful and beautiful way that Bakugou is. He’s got rolls no matter what he does, more body hair than he could ever hope to manage, and thighs that seem to constantly stretch his jeans at the seams no matter how big he buys them.

Yet, somehow within the span of the last hour, Kirishima’s gone from calling Bakugou ‘bro’ in their shared kitchen to lying underneath him in bed with Bakugou’s lean thigh pressed confidently between his thick ones.

So, yeah, forgive Kirishima if he’s freaking out a bit.

Burger Kings by plantegg 🌟

Bakugou does something illegal. Kirishima finds out and makes him take him out to dinner to keep him quiet.

It Will Find You Here by arxaris 🍋 🌟

Katsuki’s life was falling apart. He had always known what he wanted. He had his life and career completely planned out. He’d accounted for every detail and every potential obstacle. Except for one. He was not prepared in the slightest to be six years into his carefully constructed life plan, extremely successful, and suddenly so goddamned miserable that he couldn’t make it through a day of work.

He was fine. He really just needed some fucking time, space, and air to breathe. So, he loaded up his backpack and left Japan, hoping that a bit of time off and travel might help him get over this bullshit and on with the plan. However, a few weeks into his trip he met a meddlesome redhead in the Thai islands who threatened to disrupt his universe in the worst ways imaginable: by making him fall in love, and by breaking the news that Katsuki couldn’t outrun himself.

I Was Doing Fine Without You by QueenPotatos 🍋

They were taught to fight, to protect, to become heroes. They were never taught how to love.

- They haven't spoken in three years. There is so much left to say.

Studded by KTG 🍋

Katsuki's second gender pisses him off. He's just presented as an omega, and if he doesn't get studded--turned into an alpha--before the end of his first heat, he's gonna be an omega for-fucking-ever. Problem is, he needs a willing omega to stud him, and his best friend, Kirishima Eijirou, presented as an alpha.

Or, at least, he smells like one.

All Katsuki knows is that he needs to get studded, and fucking soon.

a tenderness you can't let go by punchmonk

When Katsuki is fifteen, Kirishima Eijirou hands him an orange with a bright smile and zero expectations. It is all downhill from there.

help me get out of my head by popcap 🌟

“Don’t let go."

"Deal."

Burning by mr_todoroki 🌟

Bakugou Katsuki was sent on a mission to eliminate a dragon threatening the citizens in the kingdom. Instead he meets Kirishima Eijirou, an obnoxiously useless traveller who has something he's hiding.

Out of Control by arxaris 🍋 🌟

The story of how Bakugou Katsuki accidentally got a new quirk and a new boyfriend in exchange for his favorite sex toy and the security deposit on his apartment.

Heartbeat Thunder by Shippeh 🍋

Kirishima tries not to remember his first rut, and he's taking care to ensure it never happens again.

In which: Kirishima is an extremely aggressive Alpha by nature but insists on suppressing everything, and Bakugou is an Omega wildly confident in his secondary gender.

Wonderwall by Maplefudge for QueenPotatos 🍋

“You can always move in with Kaminari and me,” Kirishima says in a soft voice. “It would be like back in high school.”

“No,” Bakugou says, and the word pierces right at Kirishima’s chest. “That shit we did back in school, that wasn’t permanent. We’re pro heroes now, Ei. I can’t keep being weak, not like back then.”

aka

A lot of things change after graduation, and Kirishima finds himself dealing with the aftermath.

Sonder by Maplefudge

A collection of snippets surrounding Bakugou and Kirishima's "totally platonic" relationship from the perspective of Class 1-A.

The Dragon's Keep by Treeclimbr

It's fantasy au time. Bakugou's searching for a certain blacksmith when he meets a dragon pup. The punk steals from him, and leads him to a cave that's guarded by a bigger dragon, a whole lot of secrets, and a redhead who seems to be allergic to shirts.

Fire in the Storm by Vagabond for Shippeh 🍋 🌟

Bakugo Katsuki is a stubborn bastard and does what you should never do: splits the party. He gets caught in a rainstorm and seeks shelter in a cave which yields an interesting discovery in the form of a shape-changing stranger.

Or: Kirishima is a dragon, and Bakugo seeks shelter in his lair.

If you want to... by Treeclimbr 🍋 🌟

Bakugou interrupts Kirishima's "alone time" in the showers. Things get awkward, Kirishima is oblivious, and our boys dance around each other a little while they figure things out.

Sun Sets Red by Shippeh 🍋

Eijirou Kirishima considered himself lucky. He'd been accepted to a good college, he was picking up new friends like flies to sugar, and the random lottery had paired him with a really cool roommate, Izuku.

Unfortunately, the new roommate seemed to come unconditionally with a very bizarre asshole of a dude.

done with having dreams (the thing that i believe) by futurehearts

"Oh my god," Ashido yells. "Look, you guys, the number one hero is -"

"Marry me."

It's New Year's Eve at Bakugou and Kirishima's place. A few things happen.

Part 1 of there's you in everything I do (pro heroes AU)

you're only relevant until you get older (they're gonna talk about me over and over) by futurehearts 🍋

Five times Ground Zero revealed his softer side to the media, and one time his big-mouth husband did it for him.

Part 2 of there's you in everything I do (pro heroes AU)

Love Notes by PurplePersnickety

There was a note on Eijirou's desk. It was small, post-it sized, and as Eijirou approached, he could see it had been typed. None of his classmates seemed to have noticed it, because he knew that if they had, there would already be people reading it. 1A was... nosy.

Eijirou picked it up. There were two words written on it.

You rock

Give Me A Chance by Jacksonofabitch 🌟

Bakugou Katsuki just wanted to go on a date.

Kirishima Eijirou just wants what's best for everyone.

Bittersweet by Jacksonofabitch

Sometimes things don't go the way you expect them to

And sometimes that's okay

take your time with me by Shadow_sensei 🍋

And then Katsuki steps away, breaking away from Eijirou’s body, as if he’s been shocked, because it’s so much, all at once, and it’s overwhelming and his mind is drifting and it’s almost terrifying, to be so fast to lose his composure, just from a simple touch. Is it a sign of weakness, that he can be pulled into Eijirou’s control so quickly?

No, thinks Katsuki. It’s a sign of trust.

As the water flows hot and steady over their backs, Katsuki learns that it's okay to let Eijirou take over his heart.

oh, the places you'll go by a box of rocks (abundleoftwigs)

Bakugou Katsuki is hopelessly, helplessly, and obviously in love with Kirishima Eijirou.

Too bad the only person who hasn't figured that out yet seems to be Bakugou himself.

(A retrospective on Bakugou and Kirishima's relationship as seen through the eyes of a childhood friend)

Part 1 of oh, the places you'll go

out there things can happen by a box of rocks (abundleoftwigs)

It takes Bakugou Katsuki months to figure out exactly what Kirishima Eijirou means to him.

Or: Bakugou learns love like he's going through the stages of grief.

Part 2 of oh, the places you'll go

How to Make Bakugou Katsuki a Decent Human Being by keptein

A how-to by Kirishima Eijirou.

(Kirishima decides to make Bakugou the guy Kirishima knows he can be. Everything else snowballs from there.)

Slow to Start (But Quick to Burn) by mousapelli 🍋 🌟

Bakugou is loud, abrasive, and way too strong to be a "good" omega, and he doesn't give half a damn if that's what everybody else thinks. The good news is that Kirishima is 100% into him just the way he is. The bad news is he might be 150% into Kirishima.

Part 1 of Omega Bakugou/Alpha Kirishima Verse

Partners by disastergays 🌟

In a small village protected from the outside world exists a sort of sanctuary for humans and monsters alike. It has always been said that to every human, there is a monster that shared their soul. Two halves of the same whole. Finding one's other half was a sort of coming of age ceremony, and as children were encouraged to seek out their other half.

Bakugou was the only one that couldn't form a bond with any monster, no matter how hard he tried. Rage boiled beneath the surface as Bakugou shunned not only the village, but the monsters and humans that had come to call it home; running away from the protection of the mountains.

10 years passed since then, and the world-renowned hunter, The King of Beasts, was called to a farming village to deal with a dangerous Riot Dragon.

The meeting soon to follow would change his life forever.

'cause i love you for infinity by multiclassmaps

Kirishima agrees to help Tokoyami summon a spirit. Instead, he ends up summoning Bakugou- a person that feels impossibly familiar. - Bakugou seemed ethereal. Almost as if he'd disappear if Kirishima got too close, just as the memory of Kirishima's dreams slipped further away the more he tried to remember them

Blood Stains Red by SummerBummin 🌟

Kirishima was hunched over the sink, his back to Bakugou. Water ran in a steady stream from the faucet, the silver metal flecked with blotches of red. Kirishima looked up at the sound of the door opening. His eyes locked with Bakugou's through the mirror in front of him and his mouth fell open. It was full of blood.

"Kirishima?" Bakugou's headphones were shoved off his ears and his book bag slipped off his shoulder, falling onto the bathroom floor with a thump.

"Oh, hi Bakugou." Kirishima turned to greet him over his shoulder, a wavering, dumbass smile on his dumb fucking face, his bloody fucking face.

His lips were red and shiny as a cherry, lines of red ran down his chin like a tiger's stripes, and his teeth, god his teeth. They were coated in blood and clumps of who the fuck knows what.

Kirishima's trademark had always been the color red. The bright hue of his hair was something Bakugou sought out everyday, but he never imagined seeing Kirishima red like this, never like this.

i'm going to the forest to kick my own ass by WannabeMarySue 🌟

“What the fuck,” he mutters, quietly but with feeling.

He stomps over and picks it up. Emotional Intelligence for Dummies glares up at him in garish yellow font.

“What the fuck,” he repeats, louder and with more feeling.

(or, todoroki tries to play a prank, but jokes on him, because bakugou is fueled by complex emotions like Anger and Winning).

common evenings by kiroiimye

There’s a handful of things Tenya thinks is reasonable, but there is one rule he will very much enforce that his classmates definitely do not agree with:

No public PDA should be shown and noises should be kept to a minimum even in private.

In which Iida Tenya is a slight cockblock to Kirishima and Bakugou.

Boys Are Stupid by deviance 🌟

“Sorry, bro, I'm not going to make it to our study session tonight."

“Why?”

“Ah,” Kirishima grinned almost shyly, “I've got a date.”

Bakugou froze, chest feeling like he'd just been pierced with a lance.

“A...date,” Bakugou repeated, admittedly dumbstruck.

Kirishima smiled. “Yeah, so I'll see you later,” Kirishima said, waving before leaving the room.

So this is what heartbreak felt like. He hated it.

Perfect Fit by deviance 🌟

Kirishima had broken up with him with just about every cliche in the book. It wasn't him, it was Kirishima. He wanted them to still be friends. Blah blah blah. Filler, really, as far as Bakugou was concerned. And sure, Kirishima probably meant all those things, but Bakugou hadn't wanted to hear it, considering he'd been too focused on the sound of his heart breaking.

This was why he didn't let people in.

Be Patient by deviance 🌟

Kaminari groaned. “Why are you two like this?” He demanded, pointing at where Bakugou was stretched out over the couch with his feet in Kirishima's lap. “Why don't you just date already?”

Kirishima sighed. “One day, guys. We will one day.”

Up in Arms by Tiress 🍋

In which Bakugou gets hit by and strange quirk and Kirishima would do anything to help out a friend in need and then some.

euphoria by Dreaming_of_Fairys 🍋

Bakugou interrupts Kirishima's lazy evening by straddling him, and Kirishima, like always, is more than happy to please him.

Under the stars by popinjayuploads 🍋

Bakugou is obviously stressed out, but refuses to talk about it. Kirishima decides that a weekend camping trip is the perfect thing to relax him. So he tosses a mattress in the bed of his truck and they head out.

Kirishima soon finds out Bakugou needs more than a hike to work out his stress. Luckily, he's more than willing to help out.

Fucking Feelings by Equinurmae 🌟

Bakugou isn't great with feelings. Midoriya is slightly better, but the two of them have always had an unusual relationship - even more so when Bakugou bursts into Midoriya's room one night with something important to say. (Hint: he's gay.)

Tell Me I'm Yours by arxaris 🍋 🌟

Bakugou was going a little crazy. He could grudgingly admit that it was at least in part his own fault; moving in with his best friend maybe hadn’t been the best idea. At first, it sounded great. The rent would be cheaper, grocery shopping and cooking for two would be way more convenient, and it would be easier for the two of them to hang out. The only thing was, Bakugou forgot to consider how the joys of moving in with his aforementioned best friend might be dampened by the fact that he was madly in love with him.

Alternatively: Kirishima Eijirou is a goddamn tease and there's no way he doesn't know what he's doing.

Payback, Baby by arxaris 🍋 🌟

Kirishima stared down at the ‘Call Ended’ notification on his phone, cheeks red and eyes wide with disbelief. He hadn’t exactly meant to hang up on his boyfriend - especially since he’d been the one to call Katsuki in the first place - but he’d panicked after hearing his greeting.

‘Hey, baby, I’ll be home soon.’

Kirishima’s mind was racing. He had a few questions, here. Like, first of all, since when was he baby? Katsuki was always baby, that’s how this worked. Also, since when did Katsuki even use pet names with him at all? Besides Shitty Hair, which didn’t really count. Lastly, and probably most importantly, why the fuck did he want to call him back and make him say it again?

Part 2 of tell me i'm yours

Kneel by deviance 🍋 🌟

“Bakugou?”

Bakugou shuffled on his feet, hovering over Kirishima and looking at the ground with stormy eyes. He glanced up to glare at Kirishima, a silent dare to call him out on his odd behavior no doubt. Kirishima forced himself not to tense. Whatever Bakugou wanted, he was about to show him and Kirishima had to get this right. Bakugou was all about showing and not telling.

Kirishima nearly bit his tongue to keep in a squawk of surprise when Bakugou suddenly dropped to his knees next to him, shuffling forward until he could press his forehead to his thigh and hide his face against Kirishima's leg. Kirishima opened his mouth, questions on the tip of his tongue, and he barely managed to catch them before they could be given voice. Bakugou was trembling minutely, his entire frame so tense his muscles were twitching under Kirishima's gaze.

“Just. Don't say anything,” Bakugou muttered, hands clenching in his lap tightly. “Please,” he whispered, a short choked sound.

ragtag by SportsAnimeRuinedMyLife (KnightOfRage)

Kirishima Eijirou had enough to deal with before almost every pro hero went missing. But after an unthinkable disaster throws society into chaos, Class 1-A reunites and tries to figure out what went wrong and what exactly they're supposed to do next.

Or...Deku is missing, the pro heroes are gone, but Kirishima is trying his best.

The Lost Continent by cattchi, paglykos 🍋 🌟 TW (non descriptive mentions of past rape)

Kirishima Eijirou is from a noble family of pirate exterminators. Bakugou Katsuki is rising as one of the most fearsome pirates on the seas.

When a trade goes awry, Kirishima finds himself cast among Bakugou's crew, having to learn the ropes and the sea as they chase after All Might's infamous hidden treasure.

Written on Your Face by GooglyMooglies 🍋

They train together, sometimes.

Of Ghosts and other Inaccurate Things by chezka 🌟

A week before the sports festival found Bakugou walking back home in the late afternoon, sunset light making his scowl even more menacing and drawing a long shadow right in front of him.

Someone was walking by his side.

There was no second shadow on the floor beside his own to confirm this, but if he kept his focus on the street ahead and carefully avoided trying to look to his left, he could consistently make out black hair swishing in the wind and strong arms leading to hands sunk in pants’ pockets. The edges were blurry, but there was definitely someone at his side.

Hold me 'til I scream for air to breathe by CallingForHeaven 🍋

His hands weren’t shaking because he could have died, not really.

They were shaking because Kirishima could have died.

it's ideal by newamsterdam 🌟

“Er,” Midoriya says, resting a hand on Kirishima’s shoulder, “You probably shouldn’t mind about Kacchan, too much. He mostly keeps to himself, but he’s got one of the strongest powers the guardians have ever seen, and…”Midoriya continues to extoll the other guardian’s virtues for the next few minutes. Kirishima’s seeing stars all the while, long after the magic’s glow has faded.When Kirishima joins an order of magical guardians, he's hoping to discover the truth about himself. But first, he discovers Bakugou Katsuki.

little are the things we learn by newamsterdam 🌟

Almost half an hour has passed, and Kirishima and Bakugou still haven’t come back. Bakugou may be fine running on fumes, and could probably blast his way through the second part of the exam on pure willpower and stubbornness. But Kirishima should probably eat, and relax for at least a bit.

Kaminari is such a good friend. He hopes Kirishima appreciates him properly. He gets to his feet and wanders out into the hall, looking for a glimpse of Bakugou or Kirishima.

He sees— well. It’s more than a glimpse. And at first, Kaminari doesn’t quite believe it.

Five people who are let in on Yuuei's worst-kept secret, and one person who always knew it.

The Ice Cream Tub Of Solace by just_a_couple_of_thoughts 🍋

Kirishima is having doubts about his ability to make it as a hero and thus ends up eating ice cream at 2 in the morning. Thankfully Bakugou is set on making him see otherwise.

Basically Kirishima and Bakugou sharing ice cream in the middle of the night which inevitably leads to something else.

5 + 1 by CallingForHeaven 🍋

The five times Kirishima made the first move + the one time Bakugou blew his mind.

Like Knives by All_My_Characters_Are_Dead

Bakugou was disappointed in him. Bakugou thought he was weak, thought he was useless. Bakugou knew he’d broken, and Bakugou was mad at him for it.

fatal flaws by poetic_leopard

Bakugou made for one intimidating tutor, but Kirishima was eager to learn. [I will tutor you until you bleed. Got it?]

Broomsticks by ComiclzWrites 🍋 🌟

Local witch Bakugo Katsuki doesn't have many friends and he'd like to keep it that way but the shop that he gets all his ingredients from has a new delivery boy that might just work his way into Bakugo's fiery little heart.

AKA: Bakugo Katuski is a witch, Kirishima Eijirou is his delivery boy, and this is the story of how they fell in love.

A Cast for Your Heart by KTG for Obsessed_As_A_Coping_Mechanism, Dadzawa, Fanficismything TW (Mildly Dubious Consent) 🍋 🌟

The windshield wipers screeched as they arched over the glass. The car was dinging, a light on the dash flashing. The engine was still running, so Katsuki quickly reached out and turned the key to shut it off. No telling what he’d damaged after sliding off the road and into the snow bank. The last thing he needed was for the gas line to catch fire.

He grumbled and leaned back, glad for his thermal coat, but cursing his parents out for wanting to spend the holidays in the asscrack middle of nowhere.

And now he was gonna freeze to death in his car.

Fucking wonderful.

morpheus by chonideno

5 times they fell asleep around each other and 1 time they didn't

or their step-by-step progress to waking up to each other

Six Page Spread by indigonow 🌟

They're 22 and Bakugou's finally gotten control over his public image. Think more..."bad boy" and less "explosive asshole".

Kirishima is weak (though he always has been).

and my heart went boom by Slumber

Bakugou tears his gaze away, but only manages to rake it down the rest of Kirishima's body-- to narrow hips and a glimmer of tanned skin where the shirt had ridden up, acid-washed jeans showing off thick, strong thighs that tightened a little whenever he needed to push himself further back beneath the car, the squeak of wheels and the clang of metal on metal filling the garage.

The loud complaint that had been bubbling up in his throat dies down, just a little. In fact, his throat feels a little dry. Maybe even parched.

Bakugou develops a crush on a hot mechanic. He's not sure how to deal with this.

domestic life was never quite my style by Slumber 🌟

Five times Bakugou cooked for Kirishima, and one time Kirishima cooked for Bakugou, as told by their classmates

Broken Bridges by DeathBelle 🍋 🌟

After years of working abroad, Kirishima moves back to Japan to open his own agency, and things seem to be going well. There’s plenty of work, he gains popularity quickly, and it’s a relief to be back in his home country. Everything is perfect, until he runs into Bakugou on the scene of a villain attack.

Bakugou had been his best friend at U.A., but the two of them haven’t spoken for years. That had been Bakugou’s decision, not Kirishima’s, and he's still a little hurt by it. Regardless, it’s easy to put that aside in favor of rekindling his friendship with Bakugou. They fall back into a routine and it’s as if nothing has changed; including Kirishima’s old feelings for his best friend. When a new pair of villains starts picking off heroes one by one, Kirishima feels that he and Bakugou are the best heroes to take the case. All the extra time they spend together hunting villains is great, except Kirishima feels like his heart is being ripped out every time Bakugou looks at him.

Chitchat and Pencil Pushers by beebuzz 🍋

Kirishima did not believe in love at first sight. Absolutely not. It was a ridiculous notion. He did, however, believe in holy shit, he’s hot at first sight.

Kirishima starts a new office job and unfortunately discovers that he may just have a big crush on the worst person possible

the laundry room by dellsey

Aizawa is visibly unhappy. “You didn’t know there was a laundry room in the basement? How did you manage before, then?”

Everyone starts talking at the same time, and as Aizawa picks up what is said, he starts feeling a very diverse array of emotions, the most intense one being frustration, because, for God’s sake, these are supposed to be the students of the best high school in the country and they couldn’t figure out there were washing machines in the dorm building, but also exasperation when he hears ‘dry cleaner’ (too much money) and ‘mom’ (spoiled, spoiled children), and absolute dread when he hears someone say ‘you’re supposed to wash clothes that often?!’. He sighs. Sometimes, he forgets they’re just kids.

7 Dates by rashiisa

Since the beginning of third year, Kirishima starts going out with the first person who confesses to him on Monday, then dumping them on Sunday with the argument that a week should be enough to fall in love. Bakugou has never raised the curiosity to date anybody. He decides to give it a try, since Kirishima - his best friend - can’t say no.

It’s a matter of self-discovery entwining them both in a uncertainty of what will be left of his friendship by the end of the week, with nothing to hold onto but each other’s hand.

Go out with me.

it's pouring out here by shizuumi151

With phone, money, and keys in his pocket, Kirishima wandered around the city for an age. With his legs on auto-pilot his mind wandered too. To the new movie that peppered the streets in posters and trailers, a new move he wanted to practise for another basketball play, wondering about how the current arcs for his favourite manga would turn out in the next issue of Jump.

And, of course, he thought about how many of those things he could see and do with Bakugou.

what he thinks he knows by lovelylittlefruit

Bakugou Katsuki believes he knows Kirishima Eijirou better than anyone in their class, he does have a crush on him after all- But there’s somethings that Kirishima keeps underwraps.

Shattered by ToshiChan

The hardest of rocks can break, the strongest crystal can shatter.

Still, nobody thought that Kirishima of all people, could be hurt in such a way.

An Obvious Patch by SweetScentences for ComparedFever

In which Kirishima is hurt, Bakugo is stressed, and everything is going to be okay.

Part 1 of Adventures of the Almost Agency

how they got detention for a week by eggstasy

This is getting serious. Kaminari likes Bakugou well enough, as another individual in his class who is generally more capable than most of them and hasn’t yet tried to murder him personally, but that’s about where his good will ends. Especially where his best dudefriend is concerned (aside from Sero, but Sero isn’t a common sense deviant like Kirishima tends to be. Kirishima needs the supervision).

Perihelion by tauontauoff

Bakugou was a comet, blazing out of reach. Kirishima knew he was stupidly lucky that his furious trajectory went by close enough that his fingertips got to graze the cowl of fire. It was enough.

During Christmas Class 1A and 1B spend a laid-back week learning about extreme environment hero work in the Alps. Kirishima was used to keeping part of his feelings for Bakugou hidden, and had every intention of keeping it that way, but things don't always go according to plan.

cotton candy hands by chonideno for gabzillaz, Siij

Studying to become a hero requires knowing how to take care of yourself. Sometimes you might need help on the way so if your crush offers to do your hair for you or to give you a well-deserved back rub, it'd be stupid to say no.

A series of soft vignettes in which a love-struck Kirishima and a touch-starved Bakugou care for each other and it's definitely not making their hearts jump through hoops, they’re never this close to kissing, no, they're totally best friends bro

head first, heart first by faeriedisaster

The last thing Kirishima heard before his vision blacked out was the distinct sound of Bakugou’s voice and the snap-boom of his quirk.

When he opened his eyes, he was in a bed, assumably in Recovery Girl’s office - though she was nowhere to be found - with a parched throat, heavy limbs, and a blazing headache. He struggled to sit up, and there was a pair of hands pushing him back against the pillow in the next instant.

“Lay the fuck down.” - another bakushima cant sleep fic but this time instead of just bakugou, they both suffer

You Have a New Admirer! by Esselle for Ellessey 🌟 🍋

'His profile states that his name is Bakugou Katsuki, he's twenty-two and still in college. He likes hiking in the mountains, old cars, and advanced trigonometry. His first date would ideally involve little to no small talk, and very spicy food.

For some reason there is one person, apparently, who admires all that about him.'

When Katsuki is convinced (read: bribed) to try out a friend's glitchy dating app, he's expecting the whole experience to be a resounding failure. Instead he ends up meeting Kirishima, who turns out to be the perfect combination of sexy, sweet, and way too freakin' earnest, all rolled into one easy-to-fall-for package.

one to ten by crunchrapsupreme 🌟

Kirishima attempts to climb the ladder of success and weasel his way into Bakugou Katsuki's explosive little heart.

Step one? He has to get to level ten.

sparks by helwolves 🌟 🍋

“I’m just really happy,” Eijirou says. He sighs shakily and then all but collapses onto Katsuki, burying his face against the vulnerable spot at the base of his throat. “Ah, you smell so good,” he says, trailing off into a soft growl. “They say that means you’ll be really compatible with your rider, you know... Is it the same for men?”Alternately: "they can't show us Bakugou riding a dragon that might be Kirishima and NOT expect me to want him to fuck it."

SeriesPart 1 of sparks, etc.

Blood of my Hand by PurplePersnickety 🌟

Eijirou is a half dragon, stuck in a cage, unable to shift from his human form. Then a bad-tempered barbarian arrives on the scene, Eijirou makes a blood pact he'll probably regret, and he learns that finding a missing friend of his might just tie into the fate of the world. Katsuki is a mountain clan outcast, and if he ever wants to return then he must meet the demands of the Queen and bring back the head of a dragon. Then Katsuki meets the most irritating lizard, makes a blood pact he'll probably regret, and learns that- wait? The world? Oh fuck.

Tonight, We're the Sea by idratherhaveyou

Kirishima goes to a quiet seaside town to take care of his grandmother after she has a bad fall. There he meets Bakugou Katsuki and falls in love.

Series

Part 1 of Tonight, We're the Sea

quote love unquote by newamsterdam 🌟

Sero nods. “It’s the chance of a lifetime, really,” he says. “We want you to date Bakugou, for the sake of his reputation with the press. Some public appearances, a few ‘candid’ photos. For at least a couple of months.”

“Bakugou sent you to ask me to date him?” Kirishima asks, baffled.

“Of course not. We, his people, are asking you to date him. He’s going to have to get on board, if he wants his career to survive. And in the bargain, Riot will get all sorts of publicity, because their lyricist will be dating one of the industry’s hottest stars. A win for everyone.”

When Kirishima Eijirou's band hits the big time, he's not prepared for his newfound fame. He's even less prepared to meet the actor he's been crushing on for years, or to start dating him as a publicity stunt. The closer Kirishima gets to Bakugou Katsuki, the more he realizes he's in over his head. But it's hard to stop, once his heart is in it.

Talk Too Much by QuirklessWonder (SouthernSmartAss)

“You talk too fucking much - I’ve also been your best fucking friend for years, chill the fuck out,” Bakugou said. He grabbed another piece of bread, glancing at Kirishima from under his eyelashes. “Also, I fucking agreed to this didn’t I? Clearly I like you too, you dumbass.”

Kirishima managed to swallow down the bread, and then he grinned widely at Bakugou. “You like me?”

“God, you are a dumbass,” Bakugou said, snorting again. “Fucking obviously I like you.”

A Dragon's Hoard by chezka 🌟

There was a lizard in Kirishima’s room.

A scaley, clawed, fanged lizard. A fifty centimeters long, red, winged lizard.

A dragon, there was a dragon in the middle of the floor of Kirishima’s room.

Bakugou blinked slowly, a hand curled around the door’s handle and one foot still out in the hallways. He looked at the dragon, the dragon looked back at him.

“What the fuck,” Bakugou whispered.

Harder to Breathe by Ellieb3an 🌟

Bakugo and Kirishima encounter a villain with a quirk that amplifies other quirks, and Kirishima's hardening quirk is a prime target

Part 1 of Harder to Breathe

cultivating something so divine by redriotinggg 🌟

"The only people that get to work here are those who can keep up with me. And you’re going to have to prove that you’re one of those people. You understand me?”

Kirishima nods and finds that he can’t stop the smirk that comes on his face. He was never good at backing down to a challenge. It’s terrifying and exciting all at once. “Yes, sir.”

(Bakugou's a world famous vet and Kirishima is his humble, gay new employee.)

BAKUGOU'S COMPETITIVE NONSENSE, VOLUMES ONE THROUGH THREE byxenosaurus

Purely by chance, Bakugou kisses Kirishima for the first time on the same night Todoroki confesses to Midoriya.

This means war.

take your broken wings and fly by bwyn 🌟

Rifts—man, he hates these things. They look misty, but are dry; they look hot, but feel cold as a winter chill. They’re the exact opposite of what his eyes assume. It’s like some sort of sensory illusion. To top it all off, if he thinks about them too long, the space behind his eyes starts to throb. Not worth it.

The hawk takes off without prompting the closer Eijirou gets. Goosebumps prickle across his skin at the waft of cool air.

“Let’s get this over with, shall we?” grunts Eijirou as his skin goes hard around his hands.

An AU in which Eijirou spends his time sealing tears between his world and the next, until a man comes tumbling out.

Part 1 of Tales from the Rift

when a rock and a hard place love each other very much... by shizuumi151

"What's bothering you, Kaminari?"

It was so ready to leap off the tip of his tongue. He was aching to confess, get everything off his chest, and forget any of this ever happened.

So much. So very much, Kaminari wanted to say. I don't even know where to begin. It's a shitshow and I'm in the crossfire. Save me, please, I beg of you.

Kaminari ends up as the middleman and can't do anything about it. But for the sake of courage, true love, and his sanity, he has to.

The Beauty of a Beast by starofjems 🌟

Once upon a time a lonely beast lived in a manor deep in the forest. He dreamed of the day his true love appeared to break his curse... When a beauty finally appears in his life, it is not quite as he imagined. For who could have thought a beauty would be more of a beast.

The beauty and the beast AU nobody asked for but here it is.

Show Me Your Fire by STOVE

“There's a dragon in the basement.”

Katsuki's guild is in charge of investigating a dark mage’s mansion, only to find a whole circus of captured creatures and Beings kept in poor conditions. A severely neglected dragon is amongst the victims, just hanging on by a thread.

A journey of recovery and survivors healing each other.

parted, and never parted by Authoress 🌟

Before going into battle, it’s only proper to make an offering to the god of war. But Kirishima’s run out of things to give.

the color red by ayadormouse 🍋

"Bakugou...his quirk would be something loud and quick, like an explosion. Maybe he would breathe fire or send hadouken or maybe he would send beams of light that sparkle and sizzle an opponent’s flesh. Said fire-breather was currently drinking pure whipped cream and syrup, and scowling down at his latest drawing."

Roses are red and they taste like shit by Unbreakable_Red_Riot

Katsuki was really fucking sick of the smell of flowers.

Radio Silence by doop_doop

Kirishima is hit by a quirk that leaves him fully aware, but completely unable to move.

His friends make it a little bit better.

Shitty Hair and Shitty Nightmares by honest_pebble

"Barely anyone ever worried about Katsuki; he had never known if it was because he refused to let them, or if they thought he didn’t need that, because he was so strong, or… maybe they just didn’t give enough shits. But Kirishima did. Kirishima, with his huge, crazily nice and caring personality, that seemed to, for some dumb reason, care about Katsuki."

the easy parts by chonideno 🌟

Kirishima made it out alive but his body is covered in wounds that won't heal without leaving marks behind. He hides them away from the sight of others, away from his own, and he hates every part of it. Bakugou watches him reduce his own character to a parody of what it used to be, and he can't stand it.

Or how Bakugou and Kirishima learn to deal with these scars, with themselves, with each other.

Tododeku

My Neighbor Todoroki (Grow Your Fire Next To Me) by uttertrashdumpster

They were lonely 4-year-olds, joined through the space between their two windows, their love for all things All Might, and absentee fathers with fire quirks: Shouchan and Izukun. At least this was until the blinds on Shouto's windows drew shut- and never opened again.

Now, reunited at UA as Todoroki and Midoriya, they finally have a chance to rekindle the flames of their friendship. The only problem: Midoriya has to do it before Todoroki fully locks his heart, and the rest of himself, behind an ice cage.

sore must be the storm by Pouler (poulerslashes)

“We were in a fight,” he said. “Yes,” Todoroki returned. “And now we’re trapped?” “Yes.” “Under a building.” “So it would seem.”

Two friends share time and words together as they try to keep a dark situation from turning into a hopeless one.

Part 1 of the thing with feathers

Sweater Weather by crispykrimi 🌟

Midoriya Izuku has a hoodie that he wears all the time in the dorms, and Shouto is suddenly and irreversibly gay. A collection of domestic moments of Shouto settling in to dorm life with his classmates.

waterlogged (red blue, green) by lein

Izuku has never been one to curse but the only way to describe himself as his mother hugs him goodbye that morning, is royally fucked.

He’s really, truly glad no one in their class has a mind-reading quirk because from the minute his feet touched warm sand, his mind has been screaming in tune to the same famous classical overtures Tenya listens to when they study together. Occasionally, the music pauses just long enough for his brain to point out observations about Shouto that make Izuku want to stick his head under the waves and just breathe in.

Everything Except by Pouler (poulerslashes) 🍋 TW (sex pollen can be a little dubcon but this is not intended to be dubcon)

"In retrospect, Midoriya probably should’ve realized the moment they were enveloped in a glittering pink cloud that something was about to go Very Wrong."

After an encounter with a unique villain threatens to change the nature of their partnership, Midoriya must find a way to get things back to normal between him and Todoroki. That is, if he's certain that getting 'back to normal' is what he really wants...

Riddles in the Heart by PitViperOfDoom

The law is clear: whoever correctly answers three riddles will marry the prince, while all who fail are to be executed. The people live in fear as more challengers try and fail, and the throne grows bloodier with every passing year. But a young prince, nameless and in exile from his home, believes there may be more to this brutal challenge than meets the eye.

Of course, there's only one way to find out: ring the gong, and take the trial.

Summer Stars by PitViperOfDoom

It's been judged safe to send the students of UA home to their families for the first three weeks of summer, much to the relief of everyone whose name isn't Todoroki Shouto. Luckily, Midoriya has a solution for him, and Midoriya Inko has a lot of love to give.

don't care if the world knows by aknightley (anything aknightley writes is amazing check them out!) 🌟

Five times someone noticed Todoroki Shouto's feelings, and one time he noticed someone else's feelings.

Midoriya is laughing at something Uraraka and Asui are saying, waving his expressive hands around as he talks. He’s wearing a shirt that exposes most of his arms, long and tanned, and Shouto finds himself wondering absently if there are freckles along them that are usually hidden, if they match the ones on his face.

Yaoyorozu coughs, and Shouto’s gaze jerks back to her, startled.

i won't just buy you a rose by aknightley 🌟

Shouto decides to visit his mother for the first time in years, and decides to stop at a flower shop along the way.

He freezes in place, and before he can move again someone is bustling through the door behind the counter, all messy hair and wide green eyes. It’s a teenager, a little shorter than Shouto but probably the same age. He’s got a wide smile and there’s a smudge of dirt on his cheek, which instantly draws Shouto’s attention. His fingers itch to rub it off.

Part 1 of flowers in our eyes

a room of light and music by bwyn 🌟

Izuku stares at Iida, but his mind has already snapped back to the beautiful man like an elastic band, and he finds himself asking rather dreamily, “What words would you use to describe red and white hair? Candy canes seem cheap.”

There’s a beat of silence, before Iida makes a strangled sound similar to a snort.

Izuku is in an artistic rut when he meets Todoroki Shouto.

count your blessings, not your flaws by PitViperOfDoom

Midoriya Izuku has never been asked out, confessed to, or flirted with, except as a joke.

my heart was filled with gold by bwyn 🌟

Shouto doesn’t have the luxury of passing out. He’s awake every second, from the moment he’s thrown into the rift, to colliding with hard uneven earth, to rolling over and seeing the gaping maw of the breach melt away. He blinks, and there’s no waking up.

This isn’t a nightmare, it’s his death—and he comes to terms with it the same moment he thinks it.

An AU in which Shouto learns what it takes to survive in another world with the help of a foolishly brave stranger.

Part 2 of Tales from the Rift

To Be With You by SummerBummin

Everything was so warm and Izuku felt like he could melt at the slightest indication. His heart was soaring along with his laughter, shoulders shaking in Todoroki’s embrace. Todoroki’s dry chuckles mixed with Izuku’s giddy giggles and a blinding light washed over Izuku’s vision and everything whited out.

The light faded out and they opened their eyes again, vision still misty from laughter induced tears.

The whole room was silent, the absence of their laughter making it seem like someone had shoved cotton in their ears.

Shinsou was staring at them, eyes wide and panicked. Oh right, they should probably be doing the exercise, instead of giggling like a psychopath. Looks like they got distracted again. That was a little embarrassing. They looked to the side to see empty space. Where was-

“Oh my god,” someone whispered- Uraraka it sounded like. “You guys fused!”

aka Tododeku fusion au because I do what I want. The universe is exactly the same in every way except fusion is a thing. Endeavor is a dick wad and hates fusion so things go south pretty quick.

trigger warning for panic/anxiety attacks and mentions of previous abuse

Confusion by bortzy

Todoroki has just figured out he's gay. Kirishima is the only openly gay person he knows, so he goes to him for advice on what to do about his feelings. They end up bonding over their hopeless crushes on Midoriya and Bakugou, but people start to get the wrong idea.

A beacon in the dark by NohaIjiachi

“My thanks.” He says, smiling back. “What is your name, boy?”

“I’m Izuku! Izuku Midoriya, sir!” The boy replies, excited, looking up at him. And Toshinori looks into the unmoving washed out green, into milky white pupils visible behind the mess curly hair, and realizes.

The boy is blind.

The boy that he distinctly saw dodge a series of fairly quick attacks, light on his feet and clearly used to some kind of training, the boy that had thrown him the bottle at the perfect height and perfect speed, the boy that has easily collected his spilled groceries and orderly put them back into the little plastic bag—

The boy. Is blind.

Burn Your Wings by oWhiteKiwibird (TW: Graphic descriptions of abuse.)

Izuku inherited his parents’ quirks, but he swore he’d never use his fire.

He knows first hand how—bright, burning, scorching, painful, terrifying, destructive—it is, after all, and Izuku promised (promised his crying mother, promised his burning self, promised the laughing memory of his father) that he’d become a hero who stops that kind of despair.

Even if he has to burn his own wings to do so.

But when someone with the exact same problems, fears, and pain shows up... Izuku can't help but try to heal them. And in doing so, he himself may be healed too.

#bnha #my hero academia #kiribaku fics #kiribaku #kirishima eijirou #bakugo katsuki #tododeku #todoroki shouto #midoriya izuku #fanfic #fanfiction #masterpost #tododeku fics

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notmyrick · 4 years

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General Arc 2

/She had a Rick once, but she also had a Diane. / They traveled to Muskegon, Michigan. Her work made them travel there, and they rented a small house for the two of them. She kissed Rick goodbye as she packed her stuff for work. He grumbled in discontent at her leaving again and was tinkering with their newest invention. They both had an unbelievable love of science despite their chosen profession. If she wasn't at work, or if he wasn't gallivanting somewhere in the galaxy doing who knows what, they both would sit in the living room thinking out loud and inventing what should've been the impossible. "I'll be back late tonight." She said. "Whenever are you not." He started. "Rick..." "Just go Roxy." She stopped at the door and blew another kiss to him as she left. /She had a Rick once, but she also had a Diane./ "What the FUCK!" she yelled as she threw whatever was at reach. She was home alone, snot and tears were dripping down her face. She flopped onto the couch and screamed into the pillow. There was a knock on her front door, so she lifted her head and shouted she was fine, then hit hear head against the pillow. Tears escaped as she calmed down and sat back up. She looked around and found the place a mess; she started to clean. It's been a year since they were in Michigan. It was a rough year with all her late nights which caused most of her and Rick's arguments. Last night was another argument, and he spilled that he was seeing another woman. The end result was that she kicked him out of the house, and he was staying at a woman's place named Diane. She grabbed all the broken pieces with her bare hands, not minding the small cuts they gave. When she was out of things to clean, she opened the fridge to stuff her sorrows away, but saw a well-placed creme brulee. She sighed closed the fridge and picked up the phone. The phone rang for a while and a feminine voice appeared on the other side. "Hello, I need to speak with Rick." /She had a Rick once, but she also had a Diane./ Rick and her were at the company house. They sat on the bed in the master bedroom. She clasped Rick's hands in her own and their knees touched. "Do you love her?" She asked, an empty feeling burst inside her chest. When he didn't reply, she hummed. "That-, Diane, is able to give you something I can't." She knew. She knew Rick knocked that woman up and that woman, Diane, has his child. She, herself, was infertile. Although Rick told her it was fine and if they wanted a child, they could just adopt, she knew he craved something familial. And to a certain degree, she did too. They both wanted to prove they could be better parents then their own, but there was something special to be able to share genes with another living being. "Rick, I love you. Not a single moment in my life have or will I ever stop loving you. However, I will not stop you from your own choices. If... if you love her and stopped... stopped... if my feelings are not reciprocated, then you can be with Diane. If you don't regret it, as long as you are happy." She monologue and clenched her hands as well as eyes. She waited for his answer, she waited for the hole in her chest to expand like the universe. She waited for the pain that will last until she was 6ft underground or scattered in the wind. Then she felt pressure on her lips. Their eyes locked as he kissed her and she gave in for this temporary bliss, it was sweet like the dessert he made her every day without fail. At least she can get some closure. "I'm not leaving you." He said. She felt elated. "But I can't just leave Diane." He continued. She felt shocked. "And you need to make a plan." He smirked, kissed her, and left the room. Now she was bewildered. What the fuck just happened? /She had a Rick once, but she also had a Diane/ A bunch of reporters and paparazzi gathered around a vivacious redhead as she walked down the court steps. She smiled an alluring smile to the camera. Everyone around her was shouting for her attention. "Now that you have actively participated into the "Free love" campaign and even become the face of it, what are your next steps for the cause?" "I will be supporting the free love campaign for as long as I am alive. I will also be adjusting my company's standard moral ethics policy to fit my current ideals." She said calmly. "It is rumored that you only advocated for the free love campaign because some other woman had intruded into your marriage is that true?" "No comment." She replied with a smile and continued to answer questions. The TV was blocked by the same redhead that was on the screen as she looked at Rick and Diane laying lazily on the couch. "If you guys want dinner, I suggest the man of the house get us some fucking groceries unless you want to munch on saltine crackers and beer." She grabbed Rick's hand to pull him up and to take his seat as she sat down next to Diane. He stumbled off the couch before mumbling and going to the store, leaving the two women in the house. "Didn't end up like you thought, Diane?" She spoke accusingly. "I don't know what you mean?" She replied all innocently. "Bull shit, you're a psychologist, you may not be smart, but you are clever." Roxx continued. "Let me lay out your thought process. As soon as you figured out Rick was "married" you used your empathetic nature to lure him to love you the same way you do. It took some time, but then he fell in love with you, but wouldn't admit it, so you got him drunk, drunk enough for some ballsy, stupid, liquid courage so he could sleep with you. It took a few shots, but you got the result in the form or a plastic stick with double lines. You "hid" your pregnancy for a mere 3 weeks, not even the full month. Then you "let slip" your current incubation which drove Rick to be a spluttering fool. All you had to do at that point was wait for another argument to surface." "Is that what you think?" Diane smiled at her, amused. "It's what I know. However, that was only phase 1. It was time for phase 2." She took a dramatic pause and a swig of beer left by Rick on the coffee table. "Phase 2 of your plan consisted of being there for Rick, be his emotional barrier against the oh so cruel world. And with him not returning to me he would undoubtedly stay at your place in which physical, emotional, and verbal exposure would get Rick on your side. When you guys married out of wedlock, only then would you tell your unfettered adoration for Rick. Not only would that stroke his ego and give you a few brownie points it would fix the wall around his heart that was caused by me and be fixed by you." She wasn’t done yet. "Unfortunately, your phase 2 plans were derived based on the assumption that I would either act cool as a cucumber or become totally enraged beyond reason. Both true, and I did. But you didn't expect me to put my pride down. Your analysis of me is spot on, creepily so, stalker professional you know." She applauded the blonde for a job well done. "Miscalculation on my part." Dianne replied, just casually confessing everything she said was true. Roxy smiled and changed the channel. "You, however, underestimated my love for the blue haired dildo buying us groceries. Rick is like a black hole; all he ever does is take from his surroundings. You don't know this now, but you will. He is the only exception to everything. You will either love it, hate it, or both." Her smile never left as she got up from the couch and left. /She had a Rick once, but she also had a Diane./ "Why are you doing this?" Diane asked as Roxx placed a beautiful necklace on her. The vanity mirror reflected the redhead smiling through it. "You already know the answer, sweetheart." The redhead walked away from the blonde who was dressed in a very sexy attire. Diane replied through the mirror. "Because Rick is the only exception to anything." The blonde droned what you have said to her a million times before. She finally faced the redhead when she sat on her bed. "Rick might be, but I'm not. You don't have to force yourself to act like this. We only need to keep up public appearances, this private stuff doesn’t affect us at all. Helping me doesn't benefit you at all, quite the opposite, it's hurting you." Diane offhandedly mentioned. Roxx rolled her eyes in which Diane obviously saw. "Sweetheart, don't sweat the small stuff. What I do concerns me and since it's not affecting you, you shouldn't care of my actions as of late." She got up from the bed and pulled Diane in front of a full body mirror, fixing her up and smoothing the dress of wrinkles. "Tonight, you and Rick will have the evening, and most likely the entire tomorrow, to yourselves. You and him are going to a nice dinner, some miscellaneous adventure, then go to some fancy shmancy hotel where you'll fuck like rabbits. I'll hold the fort down here. Now go." Roxx shooed the blonde away toward the front entrance where there was a blue haired penguin. She went up to him and gave a kiss on the cheek while giving a credit card to Diane. "I'll cover. Try not to run me dry." Roxxane said. "No promises." Rick replied instead with a smirk. Diane looked at her and there seem to be a shift in the atmosphere between them before Rick swept Diane off her feet and carried her to the car. Roxx watched as the front door closed and she was all alone in the house. She let out a breath of relief. Rick asked her months ago to get along with Diane, he seemed to really want this to work. She agreed, but only after a few arguments, shots, and single viable point. The redhead heard crying and she quickly went to the source. As she picked up a blonde small human to hum back to sleep, the single viable point which made her agree to be tolerable of Diane looked up at her and smiled. Her heart shattered that day, but also seemed to grow larger.

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hermannsthumb · 5 years

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HORNY NEWT/HERMANN ASKS IVE GOTTEN since october PART TWO (there are like 50 here)

part one found here

18+ below cut

SECTION A: BIG DICK HERMANN

Anonymous said: (in ref to this fic) As ;) revenge ;) for Hermann lovingly teasing Newt about Newt's nature show as a child, Newt finds a safari hat and pretends to film a segment on The Rare and Lovely Hermann Mathematician. Stuff like "Much of the Hermann's appearance is used to attract a mate: his elegantly angular bone structure, his soft and brown doe eyes, his beautifully pale complexion, his impossibly long limbs, his thin frame perfect for cuddling and carrying, his enormous cock..." "NEWTON!" "You started this!"

Anonymous said: Okay but the first time Newt saw Hermann's dick, Newt came in his pants a little because Newt is a damn size queen and Hermann is hung asf. Newt just can't stop imagining pinning Hermann to the bed and riding that giant cock. Hermann doesn't even know that his dick is huge until Newt tells him it is. "Jeez, no wonder you wear those baggy grandpa pants. It must be a fucking hassle to find pants that fit comfortably over this behemoth."

Anonymous said: Newt convinces Hermann to wear short shorts while Hermann does yoga. Newt's shorts are a little baggy on Hermann, but Newt is still getting quite an eyeful (the shorts can't contain Hermann's massive dick. It's true and we both know it. Also Hermann has to wear extra soft tank tops when he does yoga, because of his extremely sensitive nipples)

SECTION B: roleplay.........

Anonymous said: (re: any number of herm centric sickfic/hospital fic ive written LOL i cant remember which) As soon as Hermann's all better, Newt still insists that Hermann take it easy. Newt puts on a slutty little nurse uniform and orders Hermann to "Please just lie back, Dr. Gottlieb. I believe a ~very thorough~ examination is in order. Just to be safe, of course." "Of course." "Poor dear! Are you nervous? Do you need to hold my hand?"

Anonymous said: Newmann and roleplay. Newt loves how passionate Hermann is about space. So Newt dresses up as a sexy alien (because of course Newt would) and asks Hermann (the very handsome human space explorer) to please undress. "My race is very curious to about human anatomy, Dr. Gottlieb. And with such an aesthetically pleasing specimen! Oh, how can I resist? Please? It's for science."

Anonymous said: One of the nicest surprises after they're married is that they both still have wet dreams about each other. Newt grinds up against Hermann's cute flat ass like "Oh, Professor Gottlieb, I'm so sorry! Please, I'll do anything to earn your forgiveness!"; and Hermann rubs his big dick against Newt's lovely bubble butt like "Oh, thank you, Doctor Geiszler, you're so kind to me! Please use me however you wish!" (Newt has a sexy professor kink and Hermann has a Newt controlling him kink.)

Anonymous said: Newt (greaser au or otherwise) SO has a thing for Hermann as a librarian. “Hermann, can I please dress you up as a slutty librarian? And then I’ll fuck you as hard as you like, as an apology. You know, because I’m a terrible patron. I’ve never returned a book on time, and I have a nasty habit of dog earrings pages.” “Is that so?” “Honestly, I don’t know WHY you put up with me. Don’t you want to give me a chance to make it up to you? I’m the ;)best;) at apologies.”

Anonymous said: I read your most recent newmann Halloween fic, and I *LOVE* the idea of them roleplaying with Hermann as the slutty little lab aid who needs Dr. Geiszler's firm hand to guide him. I can just imagine! "Mr. Gottlieb, would you like to explain why I caught you in the lab with your hand down your pants?" "Dr. Geizsler, I'm so sorry! *Please* don't report me!"

Anonymous said: I love that Newt says he loves dressing slutty for Hermann. That's such a Newt thing to say. Also, please consider Newt dressing as a slutty schoolgirl for Hermann. "Professor Gottlieb, PLEASE! I'll do anything to pass this class! I'm sorry for being so disruptive! I just wanted to get your attention. It's not my fault, Professor! I get all these naughty thoughts about you and then I can't concentrate!"

Anonymous said: Another anons have mentioned Newt having a professor kink, but you know what else Newt has? An ego. So sometimes, NEWT is the professor. So sometimes Hermann will come to Newt. & Hermann's dressed like a proper British schoolboy. & Hermann's like "Professor Geiszler, *PLEASE* dont fail me! I'll earn extra credit ~however~ I can!" & Hermann bats his long beautiful eyelashes. & Newt's like "Well, come here and prove your eagerness to learn, Mr. Gottlieb." And Hermann is a good, obedient schoolboy.

Anonymous said: omg. that ask that referenced phantom of the opera. newt donning a mask and cape and entering the bedroom like "my dearest hermann...i have come to steal you away" "have you now?" "yes! you shall be mine and mine alone forever!" "oh, how positively dreadful" "you will come with me now! come with me and let me ravish you as you deserve to be ravished!" and hermann is so fondly amused. "oh dear, i suppose i have no choice. i'll do whatever you ask of me, mr. phantom, sir."

SECTION C: Newt’s Butt

Anonymous said: Newton using his adorable bubble butt to his advantage. Bending over in from of Hermann. Asking Hermann to get something from his (Newt's) back pocket (because "sorry, my hands are full"). Newt's favorite way to tease Hermann is to ask "Can you check my butt for panty lines? My jeans are really tight, and I wore those panties you really like, and I just wanna make sure they aren't visible. *bends over to display his butt* Make sure you're REAL thorough when you check."

Anonymous said: NEWTON: Imma get "Property of Hermann" tattooed on my ass. // HERMANN: Please don't. // NEWTON: I'm not gonna, lol. I just wanted to see your reaction. But seriously - this? *smacks his own ass* Is totally your property, babe.

vitamine-dude said: Chalk anon is good.... Also... Hermann slapping Newt's ass with the palm of his hand covered in chalk... 👀 😂

Anonymous said: Hermann has a love-hate relationship with Newt's skinny jeans. He loves them because his Newty got a booty, but also? How is poor Hermann supposed to get any work done with such a lovely distraction? "Aw, poor Herms! Is my ass keeping you from your work? Maybe my butt need to be taught a lesson. You could always use your big sexy hands." "You could at least TRY to be subtle!"

SECTION D: HERMANN’S butt

Anonymous said: Hermann can never wear his skinny jeans out in public because Hermann in skinny jeans renders Newt incapable of keeping his grabby little hands off Hermann's cute little butt.

Anonymous said: Hermann can't get over how gorgeous and adorable Newt looks in his sexy-slutty little Oktoberfest dirndl. "Newton, your skirts just BARELY cover your rear!" "How's that a problem? Yesterday you said my ass was, and I quote, 'plump and perfectly round'." "You are still being indecent!" "Aww, what are you gonna do? Put me over your knee? By the way, is that something I can do to you? Will your leg be okay if I put you over my knee? Because I'd *LOVE* to spank your adorable little flat butt."

SECTION E: you guys are ALSO really horny for hermann’s nips (no judgement whatsoever...very *chefs kiss*

Anonymous said: The moment Newt discovers how sensitive Hermann's nipples are, Newt is merciless. Newt will just spend his sweet time nosing at and nuzzling and licking and kissing and nibbling at Hermann's nipples. Meanwhile, poor Hermann is a panting, writhing mess, just begging Newt to please touch him where he needs to be touched. "Oh, Hermann! All this just from me playing with your cute little nipples? You're adorable. Oh, such a sweet, needy boy, aren't you?"

Anonymous said: Hermann wear baggy shirts and sweaters because he has sensitive nipples. If his shirts are too tight, then he can't concentrate on anything besides the feel of the fabric against his nipples. Once he and Newt get together, and Newt figures this out, Newt is always trying to get Hermann to wear tight shirts, at least in their quarters/apartment/house. Also, Newt likes to tease Hermann by tying him to the bed and running a feather over Hermann's nipples.

Anonymous said: Once newmann get together, it doesn't take long for Newt to figure out how sensitive Hermann's nipples are, a fact that Newt very happily exploits. Newt's such a little shit about it too. He'll run his tongue of Hermann's nipples until Hermann is writhing uncontrollably and begging Newt to please PLEASE fuck him already. "I dunno, babe, you seem awfully worked up. Maybe I should wait until you've calmed down a little." "Newton, PLEASE!" (1/2) (2/2) Also Newt loves to tease Hermann about this. "Alright, whatever you say, baby. Such a sensitive boy, aren't you? Seriously, all I have to do is LOOK at your cute little nipples and you start begging me to please fuck your cute little ass." "Newton!" "No need to blush, we both know it's true. Now come on, legs over my shoulders, that's it, that's a good boy."

SECTION F: more dominant/possessive (like in a sexy way) newt

Anonymous said: Hermann really really loves bottoming/submitting from time to time. Just letting Newt pick him up and move him so Newt can have his way with Hermann. Especially when it comes to roleplaying scenes where Newt says things like "You're too pretty to be such a naughty slut." and "You're being so good, taking me so well, you're such a good boy." and "You're always wound so tight, let's see if we can't fuck some of that stress out of you, handsome."

Anonymous said: One of Hermann's biggest kinks? Having Newt fuck him good and hard, while Newt says things like " 'Dr. Gottlieb', ha! Anyone with any observational skills at all knows you by your more appropriate title: Dr. Geiszler's precious, pretty little sweetheart. You're a brilliant scientist and mathematician, obviously, but you're also obviously MINE. Do you hear me, Hermann? You're my pretty boy. Just mine. I don't share my beautiful, brilliant boy with anyone. You're all mine."

Anonymous said: Hermann doesn't actually WANT to be caught, but he loves the idea, the sexy little fantasy, of someone seeing him being fucked hard by Newt, because he loves being Newt's and having everyone know that he's Newt's. Newt teases him about it sometimes. "Aw, you big softie! You just want everyone to know that you're mine, that's so sweet. Maybe I'll start writing 'Property of Newt' on the back of all your pants. Then everyone will know that the world's prettiest mathematician is mine and mine alone"

Anonymous said: Whenever they have to get a hotel room or make a reservation at a restaurant, Hermann always puts the reservation under the name "Hermann Geiszler", because he knows it's the easiest way to get Newt to fuck him good and hard. Newt loves it. "You may still be Hermann Gottlieb legally, but in reality? You're absolutely Hermann Geiszler. You're my man, my husband, my pretty boy. Only mine, right?" "Yes, of course, only yours." "Good boy, Hermann. Now let's get you undressed."

SECTION G: miscellaneous

Anonymous said: Precursor Hermann, but Newt does believe for a second that Hermann would leave him without so much as a goodbye. Newt's all "Look, whatever forces are possessing the love of my life! Hermann is a gentleman! He might be a cranky, irritable, bitchy old dude, but he would NEVER leave me without saying so! Hermann just doesn't operate like that! So! Y'all wanna get out of my man, or do I need to fuck you outta him? I mean, he's getting fucked by me anyway; I just wanna know the order of events here"

Anonymous said: omg if hermann ever said the word "dude", newt would just immediately drop to his knees and ask hermann if he could pretty please unzip his pants and let newt suck his dick pretty pretty please

Anonymous said: (re: this comic) That comic reminded me of one of my fave newmann headcanons: after their first time having sex together, Hermann is utterly MORTIFIED because he was so damn loud. Honestly, Hermann always thought screaming during sex was an exaggeration. Then he had sex with Newt. And he learned that it is NOT an exaggeration. "Newton, oh my goodness, I'm so sorry!" "Sorry?! Baby, are you sorry? That was so hot. Imma work to make you scream again and again and again and again forever."

Anonymous said: Hermann USED to wear boxers, but Newt insists on Hermann wearing tighty-whiteys because "I don't want your underwear covering any more of your sexy legs than is necessary. I gotta have those hot supermodel legs exposed, baby. They demand to be groped."

Anonymous said: (re: this fic i think....) Newt-on-painkillers asks a nurse "Hey, where's the hottie with the sexy sharp cheekbones?" & the nurse is like "He stepped out to get you a snack. I didn't understand everything he said, but he definitely mentioned some kind of German pastry." "Holy shit, he's the perfect man." (When Hermann finally gets to take Newt home, Newt's in the passenger seat all "As soon as we're in our bedroom, I'm gonna ride your dick so good, baby. No amount of painkillers could make me forget how to fuck you good."

Anonymous said: Ur fic abt newmann making a porn reminded me of 1 of my fav newmann headcanons: Newt loves to tease Hermann abt what a successful porn star he (H) would be. "Oh, just think of how much money I could make frm recording u: sexy physicist fingers himself! Adorable scientist begs to be fucked! Pretty lil mathematician begs for permission to come! Willowy scientist gets his nipples played with&wakes up the entire country with his slutty lil screams! Scientist presents his ass for a thorough fucking!"

Anonymous said: (no additonal commentary required) Newt: I'm young, dumb, and full of cum!

Anonymous said: Hermann managing to fuck the Precursors out of Newton, who tries to have Hermann awarded some sort of medal of valor.

Anonymous said: One time Newmann tried switching it up, having Newt ignore Hermann while Hermann pleasured Newt. It didn't work because Newt has no self control and he wouldn't stop petting Hermann's hair and moaning and hollering about how good and pretty and perfect Hermann is.

Anonymous said: (re i think this fic? i write so much hospital bedside fic...) The first time they have sex after Newt's finally been released from medical, Hermann is just all kinds of sweet and gentle with him. "Is this too much, darling?" and "Calm yourself, liebling. Let me do the work." and "Slow down, sweet boy. You're going to hurt yourself." Eventually Newt's like "I'm not gonna break, babe! Lemme just..." "Shh, next time you can be as rough as you want with me." "Promise?" "I promise." "Next time I'm gonna fuck you so hard, baby."

Anonymous said: Newton making it his new job to make sure that Hermann has ALL of his needs seen to is my new jam. Like, he's still objectively obnoxious but now with a side order of willingness to fuck his math husband raw whenever he asks for it.

Anonymous said: Newt riding Hermann's dick and, between sighs & moans & gasps, saying all the sappy lovey-dovey things he wants with Hermann. "We're gonna have a cute little cottage somewhere secluded with lots of cats! And I'll chop plenty of firewood to keep you warm! I'll be your personal lumberjack! All I'll provide you with all the beautiful dresses and warm clothes you could ever need! And we'll have a huge library! And you'll want for nothing!" And Hermann's just like "Yes, that sounds perfect, darling."

Anonymous said: Newt bending Hermann over a desk/their bed. Gently petting Hermann's hair and softly kissing Hermann's shoulderblades. All while he (Newt) pounds into Hermann's sexy flat ass. "Hermann baby you feel so good I love you so much I love all your little gasps and moans and how you can't keep your hips still and you're always so beautiful but this is the beauty that only I get to see when you're a wild moaning mess oh god you're gonna get the nicest bath after this get you all cleaned up for bedtime."

Anonymous said: (re: this ask) Oh man imagine how absolutely slutty Newton would get on Snapchat if he thought that Hermann wasn't picking up what he was laying down (meanwhile Hermann is going through multiple boxes of tissues because of the constant blood nose, he's constantly in a state of arousal, everything reminds him of Newton, just hearing the Snapchat notification is enough to turn him on).

Anonymous said: Newt usually loves parties, but once he and Hermann get together, he always passes on new year's parties. Like, why go to a new year's party when he could instead ring in the new year by fucking Hermann senseless? And of course spoiling him in all kinds of soft sweet ways as well.

Anonymous said: NEWT: "Hermann, babe, I know you're not as into Halloween as I am, but do I still get my Halloween ;)treat;) from you?" HERMANN: "...You might, if I had any idea what you're referring to." NEWT: "Ugh, how can you be so smart, and still so clueless? I want to blow you!" HERMANN: "Oh! Well, far be it from me to object..." NEWT: "But I wanna dress you up first! Because it's in the Halloween spirit, and also I found an extra lacy corset that I really REALLY wanna see you in!" Also, Newt's biggest weakness in regards to Hermann in corsets, is Hermann in corsets with big bows on the lower back. Newt loves anything that draws attention to Hermann's precious, perfect flat butt.

Anonymous said: A while ago you said something about Newt having both a praise kink AND a shame kink, and I think Hermann would be perfect at fulfilling Newt's needs there. "Newton, you're such a sweet and pretty boy. Why do you insist on acting like such a little tart?" and "There we are, darling. Can you come for me like the sweet, filthy boy you are?" and "You're such a darling little slut."

Anonymous said: Newt totally gets panties that say "Property of Doctor Hermann Gottlieb"

#ill probably do one more big one and then....all done #newmann #not sfw /////

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