#(side note there is a difference between an actor doing something genuinely harmful and someone just not liking them)

[wormieapple]

i very, very genuinely do not understand y people h8 the actor men so much??? or by association the characters the actor men play???? does this enhance your enjoyment of the show, is that why??? does dividing yourself from others to fight them on relatively menial things bring more dopamine to people and that’s why they get up in arms abt j2 and hellers and all these other things that i just genuinely cannot see a meaningful goal to????

it is inch resting

[el-im]

ok no one cares but i am once again thinking about how andrew j. robinson’s writing in a stitch in time fundamentally changed the the way i’ve come to view garak and how i interpret the “Of all the stories you told me, which ones were true and which ones weren't?” / "My dear Doctor, they're all true." / "Even the lies?" / "Especially the lies.” interaction from the wire (which initially i was very thrown off by). by suggesting that the stories garak fabricates are indicative of how he chooses to define himself, i think the stories from the wire serve specifically to illustrate what garak most covets/coveted in life, and that they contain elements of the circumstances/relationships/motivations/etc. that garak never had, or were beyond his reach. by making up these particular circumstances, garak is juxtaposing his words against the actuality of his life, and by that comparison his lies demonstrate the truth of his relationship with tain, his work in the obsidian order, and his personal convictions...

Story 1: “During the occupation, I was a Gul in the Cardassian Mechanised Infantry. We were stationed just outside the Bajoran Capital. Shortly before the withdrawal, a handful of Bajoran prisoners escaped from my custody. My aide, a man named Elim, tracked them to a Cardassian shuttle about to depart for Terok Nor. Elim got aboard, but the captain refused to let him search the ship, because he claimed he was under strict orders from Gul Dukat to depart immediately. So I had the shuttle destroyed, killing the escapees, Elim, and ninety seven Cardassian civilians... I followed my orders. None of those prisoners escaped off of Bajor alive. Unfortunately as it turned out, one of the passengers on the shuttle was the daughter of a prominent military official. I was stripped of my rank and commission, and exiled from Cardassia.” 

-> what i get from this one is that garak wants a) companionship (in this “aide”, elim), b) authority (in my mind, this is more of a past item of desire. in his youth in the obsidian order, he wanted to emulate tain, and was indoctrinated to think that power should be sought after above all else, and not relinquished), and c) ruthlessness. the crowning jewel of tain’s service as the head of the obsidian order, garak grew up with detachment and brutality being demonstrated as the guiding principle of leadership, command, delegation... the funny thing about all these garak episodes, and which I am glad to see that the fandom so readily picked up on (see one of my favorite posts: “i don’t understand why ds9 fandom casts garak as some sort of suave oscar wilde daddy dom when he’s clearly the kind of older man who gets trashed at a casino at 3pm on thursdays and tips dabo boys extra to hold him while he cries”) is that for all his posturing, for all his discussion about the difference between cardassian principles and “federation dogma”, for all we actually, genuinely learn about what garak did during his time in the obsidian order (for all interested in garak’s life pre-terok nor/ds9, please take this free link and read a stitch in time it’s one of like... two trek novels i’d ever recommend and is so good i promise <3), for all we learn about what he did after (the assassination of senator vreenak “in in the pale moonlight”), garak still doesn’t... come off as hardened, or unfeeling. he repeatedly demonstrates a willingness to put himself in harm's way to save the people he cares about (most notably, bashir/martok during their time in the jem hadar prison, but even once going to cardassia to save kira, who detests/detested him (depending on if you believe their relationship changed over the course of the show) and risking arrest/execution by returning to cardassia during his exile). for all his pretending otherwise (from second skin: GARAK: “I have no intention of sacrificing my life to save yours. If it looks like we're in danger of being captured... if there are any signs of trouble at all... you're on your own. SISKO: Mister Garak, I believe that's the first completely honest thing you've ever said to me.”), Garak isn’t selfish, or at the least isn’t constantly, predictably selfish. He’s self-sacrificial more often that he’s given credit for, he’s occasionally kind. I think the first story he tells in the wire is so indicative of the inner conflict he feels. inside him is a child who was brought up to revel in the glory of violence in the middle of a military occupation of another world. there is a part of him that persists in believing strength is only fortification, obfuscation, invulnerability. and yet there is a part of him now wrestling with the belief that he can only be saved through honesty, by telling bashir about the implant and why it’s there and who he is that warrants it. one of the most remarkable things about this wholly incredible episode is this struggle between these two parts of himself. 

and really, garak isn’t stubborn, or stupid. he knows if he wants to save his life (and for a moment... for some inexplicable reason, he does), he’ll have to give bashir some tipping hint. he has to tell him enough of the truth to give him a way to help him, and that’s what all these stories come down to. he is hinting as best he can. he is explaining as much as possible, so as not to betray the angry little boy inside him who sees this addiction as a weakness, who sees his attachment to bashir, and to his life on the station as a vulnerability, exploited.  then there’s a second layer in which (after discovery that garak is elim) the audience gleans that garak (in his youth) desperately wanted direction, for someone to tell him what do to and how to do it--that he wanted to be excused from his actions on the basis of “following direct orders”... god, but then I think about how garak chooses to kill the figure of elim he paints here. paired with the resignation to his own fate at this point in the episode (garak knows a replacement device can’t be obtained, that his body is too reliant on the implant to function on its own, and that withdrawal without supplement will be deadly... which is to say garak is sure he is going to die), this seems so poignant. does he wish he’d have died years ago? killed in some random shoot out at the orders of someone higher up on the obsidian order’s chain of command? and can you imagine that? tain would bury the report so as to conceal his son’s involvement with the order (sentimentality always coming second to security, of course), letting this “elim garak” be listed as some citizen at the wrong place at the wrong time, a random victim of the violence of the bajoran occupation... garak, in an instant, would be forgotten. brushed aside by his father in favor of obscuring the actual operation undergone. 

in the end i think the most i get from this version of the story is that subtle death wish. if he had been a less important operative, or if he had died then, he wouldn’t be enduring this now (return to the conversation about a lifetime serving cardassia re: “the neverending sacrifice” at the opening of the ep....). part of me believes garak wishes he would have died then, before he could have been exiled, before setting up his shop on the station, before meeting bashir... 

garashir side note: “At first, he just wanted to have sex with him. That's absolutely clear. That's all he wanted from him. ‘Come to my shop, I got some nice clothes for you... but you'll have to change first.’ But then it really got complicated, especially when Garak's addiction and despair began to surface. He needed someone to share it with.” - Andy Robinson, from “What We Left Behind”. / “What we should've done, after The Wire in season two, the episode where Bashir helps him get over his addiction, we should've had Garak come out to Bashir as a gay Cardassian... Garak comes out as gay in season two, we have five seasons to play that Bashir and Garak relationship. Where that would have gone, who the hell knows, but it could've been so cool.” - Ira Steven Behr, from “What We Left Behind”. 

Considering these two quotes from the actor who played Garak and the head writer on DS9, another thing about this episode I’m throwing my two cents in for is the obvious implications for this deepening the relationship between garak and bashir. One of the most frustrating things about this episode is how much it just begs for more, more, more. The casual banter about literature they start up at the beginning of the episode, the refusal on garak’s part of letting bashir take him the the infirmary (hello cardassian stubbornness, the whole scene reeks so much of ‘I do not want you to see me vulnerable, I want you to think me strong and independent and not in danger’. the whole charade reminds me so much of a wounded animal putting on a brave face so as to not be found out. garak does not want bashir (specifically!) to see him sick, to see him needing. he does not want to admit that he needs his help, that he needs him)...

then everything else that follows that, bashir worriedly reaching out to his friends for help and advice: talking to o’brien about his concerns for garak and asking about retrieving the cardassian medical files, then to dax, who tells him flatly “It sounds like you're taking this personally.... It's not like you two are really friends.”. the affront on bashir’s part at hearing that. “It's just that Garak and I have been having lunch together once a week for more than a year now. You'd think he'd come to trust me a little!” he exclaims. then how defeated and angry he is (violently stabbing her plant with mycorrhizae), the strong thread of bitterness humming in his honey-sweet voice, “If he doesn't want my help, that's his prerogative.”

there’s something so magnificent about the timeline here. how long they’ve known each other by now, the fact that bashir is the only person garak really considers his own on the station (“it isn’t bashir who dies, is it? Ira, you’re not going to kill off julian, are you? I mean, where does that leave me? I mean, he’s my only relationship in this show! I don’t have him, I have nothing. I’m hanging out in space with nobody to talk to!” - DS9Doc's Ira Steven Behr pushes for more DS9 in HD!)... it’s so plainly laid out that bashir is the only thing garak has, the only reason he has to be curious about what else life could bring him at this point in his life, so far from home, from his family, from the only job he ever felt he had been suited for. 

which is not even to mention julian’s reaction to this first story.  “So now you know, Doctor. I hope I haven't shattered too many of your illusions.” garak concludes. There is a pregnant pause of still hesitation (in which i imagine garak is reeling--because, at the same time, i think, despite this relay being an attempt to communicate his own misery, these stories are also made to push something in bashir. Garak is at the end of his rope, drifting (almost) untethered into unknown space and he is reaching out in the hope that julian, (despite, despite, despite...) will take his hand. Garak is trying to see just how far Julian will go to save him, to forgive him. He is trying to discover if there is an exception to his “federation dogma”, if there is really truth to that myth of human kindness he’d heard so much about...  in this moment, Garak is playing this horrific, dangerous, loving, desperate game of cat and mouse. “Could you still love me if I...” he seems to say, and believes at some point he’ll be responded to with a “no”, but hopes, against his better judgement, beyond belief, that he wont be.  And then Julian looks up at him, faces close enough for Garak to feel his steady breath on his cheeks as he says, calmly, “Listen to me, Garak. Right now I'm not concerned with what you did in the past. I'm simply not going to walk out of here and let you die. We need to turn that implant off and whatever withdrawal symptoms or side effects you may experience, I promise I'll help you through them. I need to know where that triggering device is. Where is it?” 

And that line is it for me, beyond so much of the other golden ones in this episode. This is the first time that Garak hears that unequivocal acceptance, and it just sends him staggering. In all his life, he’s never been faced with love like that. His father pushed him away, let him believe for years that he wasn’t his son. Mila didn’t, or couldn’t, or wouldn’t put up a fight for him when Tain exiled him... 

this is one moment in ds9 where i am particularly grateful for ds9 being filmed on a 4:3 aspect ratio that forced characters so close together to be in a shot. in this scene, a line from Shauna Barbosa’s “GPS”, Cape Verdean Blues comes back to me, and I look at the pair of them so close on the screen, Julian so open and Garak so agast, and I just think, “You kiss the back of my legs and I want to cry. Only / the sun has come this close, only the sun.”

all is to say: andy robinson himself has said that bashir is the only relationship garak has. assuming garak’s killing of elim in this first story is indicative of his own wish that he might have died during his work with the obsidian order (and thus been spared exile, the torture of life on the station, the gradual dependency he forged on the implant, and the inevitable withdrawal he was going to experience), there necessitates a question of why garak should agree to treatment (thus saving his life) only to continue living on a station he found so hellish in the past* 

*oh... the magnificent (perfectly summative) conversation between Tain and Bashir... “BASHIR: He's dying. TAIN: And you're trying to save him. BASHIR: That's right. TAIN: Strange. I thought you were his friend. BASHIR: I suppose I am. TAIN: Then you should let him die. After all, for Garak, a life in exile is no life at all.”

to me, this question has three answers: 1. he is appeasing an insistent julian (though this begets the suggestion that garak doesn’t have much faith in julian’s treating him--in which case, garak decides that one of his last acts in life will be making julian happy) 2. he is choosing to live because he is... intrigued by julian. because he likes his company and the meals they share and the books they trade... and because he is curious to see where this relationship will go. Julian has made his life bearable (dare I say enjoyable? see: “GARAK: [They] left me to live out my days with nothing to look forward to but having lunch with you. BASHIR: I'm sorry you feel that way. I thought you enjoyed my company. GARAK: I did. And that's the worst part. I can't believe that I actually enjoyed eating mediocre food and staring into at your smug, sanctimonious face. ”) and has thus given him some reason to get up in the morning, even if it is for a frivolous little lunch appointment in another few days or 3. he is choosing to live not for julian, but directly because of him. even if this relationship has a platonic reading, it can’t be denied that julian opened up a new world for garak, and if nothing else was able to stay his boredom/disgust with life on the station

Story 2: GARAK: There was a time, Doctor, oh there was a time when I was a power. The protégé of Enabran Tain himself. Do you have any idea what that means?... Tain was the Obsidian Order. Not even the Central Command dared challenge him. And I was his right hand. My future was limitless until I threw it away. BASHIR: You mean when you had that shuttle shot down to stop those prisoners from escaping? GARAK: Stop them? I only wish that I had stopped them. BASHIR: You didn't? GARAK: No, Doctor, my disgrace was worse than that. Unimaginably worse. BASHIR: What could you have possibly done worse than that? GARAK: I let them go. It was the eve of the Cardassian withdrawal. Elim and I were interrogating five Bajorans. They were children, Doctor. None of them were older than fourteen years old. They knew nothing. They lived in bombed-out rooms, scrounged for food on the streets. They were filthy and they stank. The room was freezing cold, the air was like ice, and suddenly the whole exercise seemed utterly meaningless. All I wanted was a hot bath and a good meal. So I let them go. I gave them whatever latinum I had in my pockets, and opened the door, and flung them back into the street. Elim couldn't believe his eyes. He looked at me as if I were insane.” 

-> from this version of the story there’s a much clearer division between the elim garak (a young agent of the obsidian order baptized in fire) he was in his youth and the elim garak he is now (a disgraced former agent, exiled, alone save for one ambitious, self assured federation doctor). this, i think, seems to show the separation between what this character “elim” (young garak) wanted:  which was uncompromising brutality and dedication to his work, and what present garak wants: peace, a full belly, the ability to be charitable (specifically to young, hungry bajorans)... 

this story to me is one that best places this contemporary incarnation of garak relative to his bajoran counterparts on the station. in the beginning of this episode, when telling bashir why he initially chose to activate the implant, he speaks about how he, as the only cardassian living on ds9, is viewed by the bajorans living there. (“Living on this station is torture for me, Doctor. The temperature is always too cold, the lights always too bright. Every Bajoran on the station looks at me with loathing and contempt.”) In this story, by releasing the children and giving them the latinum he had, he’s trying to repent to Julian, asking to be forgiven for the part he played in the occupation of bajor by showing that he was/is (depending on how you view the timeline of the progression of his attitudes) sympathetic to them, and that he regrets the hand he had in bringing war, famine, and subjugation to them. 

Story 3: “GARAK: Elim wasn't my aide. He was my friend. We grew up together. We were closer than brothers. For some reason, Enabran Tain took a liking to us. Before long, we were both powerful men in the Obsidian Order. They called us the Sons of Tain. Even the Guls feared us. And then there was a scandal. Someone in the Order was accused of letting some Bajoran prisoners escape. There were constant rumours of who was going to be implicated. Fingers were being pointed at me. By then Tain had retired to the Arawath Colony. He couldn't protect me, so I panicked. I did everything in my power to make sure that Elim was accused instead of me. I altered records, planted evidence, only to discover that he'd beaten me to it. BASHIR: He betrayed you first? GARAK: Elim destroyed me. Before I knew what was going on, I was sentenced to exile. And the irony is, I deserved it. Oh, not for the reasons they claimed, but because of what I had tried to do to Elim, my best friend.”

-> whenever I think back to this, my first impression remains that this is one of the stories where Bashir is considered. At this point, Garak’s been transferred from his room to the infirmary. Despite turning the implant off, toxins are continuing to accumulate in his lymphatic systems. He’s been sad (even woke bashir up with his weeping), he’s been angry (destroyed the vase and flipped the desk in his room, attacked bashir...), and now he’s calm, and tired. He thinks this is the end. He refuses to have the implant turned back on, which nurse jabara estimates might give him another week to live. This is the end of the line for him, and he’s accepting it with dignity and grace. He goes to release Bashir from his obligation to him “you’re done enough, Doctor. More than I deserve...” and goes to tell Bashir “the truth”. To me, this is his goodbye. Even if it isn’t a true story, this is the gift he’s giving Bashir. This is what he (spinner of wonderful lies, obfuscating agent of the despicable obsidian order) can give him as a parting gift--it is what he wants him to have. 

in this story, Garak is not friendless, as he is on the station. He has a close relationship with someone (’see, then, doctor?’ he seems to ask playfully, life sputtering out of his eyes. ‘i am capable of it!’)... and yet, there is also betrayal. It reminds me of an assurance, in a way. “Bashir,” he seems to say, the entire weight of all the good doctor’s efforts to save him pressing down on his every word, “look what might have come to you had I allowed you to care for me. There is only danger for you to find in me.” In this, Elim stands in place of Bashir. A steadfast friend who Garak works against for the sake of self preservation. In this moment, Garak is pleading with the man standing above him next to the biobed. He is insisting Bashir be grateful for the shallowness of their relationship (something I Garak ensured deliberately), and telling him that, though he is grateful for him, that if they had been closer, Garak would only have caused him pain. 

The heart of this story is Garak’s appraisal of his own self worth. Regardless of how much he’s changed since his time in the order, he persists in thinking he functions in the world to cause harm, much so that it is the only thing he’s able to do. Garak sees himself as the knife in the backs of others, or the hand raised, dagger in clutch. 

the second thing i see is contained wholly within the line: “By then Tain had retired to the Arawath Colony. He couldn't protect me, so I panicked.” aside from assurances made to bashir, i think the purpose of this speech is to demonstrate (in the fashion of the lies being true) that garak wanted, and still wants safety. he wanted someone (Tain) to come to his defense then. while this extends to the implication that garak wanted tain, as his father, to stand up for him out of pride, or love, or even a perfunctory sense of parental commitment rather than exile him (a recurring desire illustrates/suggested in the show/books), i also think its perfectly suited to the care julian is exhibiting in tending to him in this episode. for all garak’s refusal to acknowledge his pain (a mere headache, as he claimed when they stood outside the replimat), for all his refusal to go to the infirmary when they meet at quark’s later, the care julian is constantly exhibiting through this episode is what garak is most endeared by. it is the thing he wanted most in his youth, and the thing now (because it was denied to him then) he finds so difficult to accept. there are many (many) instances throughout the show of garak and bashir talking about the extension of federation help/kindness, and this being something bashir embodies, btu this is one of the illustrations that sticks with me because of its particular placement. In the story, Garak wanted protection. He was alone, and afraid, and wanted help. As it now stands, he is not alone, he is calm, and has help. That is perhaps the most startling revelation for him of all. 

and last but not least another... intriguing part of all garak’s stories is his repeated separation of himself and elim. the illusion of separation is one of the most intriguing (and heartbreaking) aspects of these story to me. garak has always struck me as the kind of character who sees grief and regret as an impetus for amputation. he believes what is unpleasant or unnecessary about him he can cut off and live through. he believes he can build up a wall between himself and what he doesn’t want to see or experience without repercussion (this being why he activated the implant in the first place). by making elim and himself two separate people he is not only distancing himself from whatever it was he really did, thus taking responsibility for it in part and allowing the other half of himself turn away in disgust and without sympathy, but suggesting that he cannot be culpable entirely for what it was he did.  in each of his stories, the blame is to be shared, divided. the hardest part of all of this to swallow is that even after all this time, he’s begging for someone to spare him of the crushing loneliness of disgrace, begging for someone to understand fully what he’s done, accept him, and shoulder a part of his burden, much so that he creates an entirely new incarnation of himself just to sit with him in hell. 

anyway ive also been fucking around on memory alpha and this was intriguing to me so im putting it here: 

"When I was writing the story," stated Robert Hewitt Wolfe, "the movie Schindler's List had just come out and Ira was saying, 'Maybe he was Schindler; maybe he was the guy who let the prisoners go.' And then it was, 'Maybe he wasn't; maybe he was the Butcher of Budapest.' So we just kept telling all these lies, and I think the truth lies somewhere in there. Maybe he did let people go. Maybe he did shoot down the ship. Who knows?" (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Companion (p. 141))

[inessencedevided]

The Untamed, episode 41 - watching notes

Only 10 episodes left 😭😭😭

And we're now entering Nie Mingjue's memories. I have a feeling there's going to be some serious "oh shit!" and "wtf is happening???" going on

Jgy's backstory still moves me, no matter what he did later

I feel like both his and wwx stories are cautionary tales of what happens when you combine a rigid class-system with a mob mentality and top it all of with a healthy amount of "manners over morals"

I feel like JGY main strategy is "hold your tongue and bite your time". I completely fell for his sweet facade in the first few episodes of the flashback

Jo, did NMJ just ram his saber into a stone wall? 😱

NMJ may have anger issues, but he's a good dude

I think he took the "the more perfectly you should be, to leave them with nothing to say" to heart. Like, he never outwardly complains.

Another perfectly timed screenshot I thought I should share :D

Oh, we've seen that before!

How can this be the same person that I thought would be the designated fandom cinnamon role in ep 2/3?? 🥺

I know I'm praising actors left and right during this commentary,but ALL TGE AWARDS for how smoothly JGY changes his demeanor from humble and sweet quasi-servant to "you're not worthy of breathing the same aor as me"

This

And this

Might as well be two different characters

I wonder if, when the NMJ send him away, he realised and regretted, that he had just lost one of the only people who were truly on his side and if he thought it was worth it

One thing I find very interesting in the scene in the Scorching Sun palace is that, jgy is still wearing his hair in the braided style that is customary for the Nie clan. I think I'll try to spot when he changes it

Okay, scratch my earlier musings about if JGY feels genuine regret over how he had to leave NMJ. He clearly doesn't 😐

Gotta give it to him though, he puts gollum to shame with how he switches his personality

Only it's deliberate

And he's not insane

... don't know where I was going with this

So we're at the point where Nie Mingjue wakes in Lan Xichen's arms. Seen that before

Which leaves me asking: WHAT PART OF THIS IS THE ACT??

I wonder though, how they could convince NMJ to become sworn brothers with him after that while story

He does not seem like a man who forgets a grudge easily ^^

That scene of the three of them meditating and playing the Quin is weirdly domestic :D maybe it's just because, so far, we've only seen wwx and lwj in a similar situation together 😅

Why do I still ship Lan Xichen and JGY after all that happened? Because of scenes like these!!!!

JGY *plays Quin ominously*

Didn't know that was possible :D

The fuck???

Why is he coughing blood?

Lwj is playing "Clarity" in the present time to calm him down! Ten points for parallels!

Poor Lan Xichen. Why do I have a feeling that he's the designated buffer between them? 🙈

Sorry for the lack of intelligent commentary, but I'm trying to wrap my head around how much of a puppeteer JGY is ...

I've already mentioned this, but I appreciate the parallels between jgy and wwx and how they differ. Both operate very much outside the orthodoxy, in large part due to them not being born into it. The crucial difference is their goals. One seeks to gain power to not only find his place within the system, but rise above all those who ever looked down on him, too. The other wants to change the system for all those others who are also hurt by it.

Two characters with very similar backgrounds diverging on very different paths

And I appreciate it that it's spelled out in his rant to NMJ here

This is SO telling. I adore this scene! Before I would have calked him simply selfish (and he is, don't get be wrong). But he also probably grew up in a world where he could never be truly save and never feel equal to anyone. Everything be has, he had to fight for.

I just wrote that he and wwx had the same background? I retract that because there is one huge difference. Wwx was loved. From what I've heard, his parents loved him. Then, of course, he has to endure live as a homeless kid, but he was adopted by a foster-father who loved him and had siblings he shared everything with. Of course, he still never felt as if he quite belonged or was enough (Madam Yu saw to that) and that left it's own scars, culminating in all gbe times he rather took on all burdens himself rather than ask for goddam help once. But he was loved. Loved and appreciated and cared for. It seems, that jgy never knew that, probably until NMJ took him as his Vice General. So he learned to survive in the shadows and bite his time until the opportunity arose, never fully trusting anyone.

Does that excuse anything or rid him of responsibility? Nope. But it makes for a damn interesting character

I AM SHOOK!

That exchange between Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangyao was such a brilliantly crafted piece of dialogue!!! 😱😱😱

Because, if, and I think by now that that's likely, jgy turns out to be the main villain of this arc, then he is one o can at least partially understand. He's right in saying that NMJ has no right to claim that his actions are all just. He's gained his position by virtue of his birth and he's working within a system that justifies itself through mixture of imagined moral high ground and the virtue of blood heritage. No action to uphold that can be truly just.

At the same time, I believe, jgy turned those believes into a self-fulfilling prophecy. He himself schemes and uses other people's worst impulses and the faults in the cultivation world to his advantage. Proofing to himself, again and again, that he is right about them and thus justified in his actions. Enter wwx who tries, who really tries to shove the error of their ways in their faces. (I think I just answered my question from a few episodes back about why jgy seems to be working specifically against wwx 🤔)

Sorry for going on such a tengant

NMJ, did you have to call him a son of a whore? 🙄

The hell is happening to NMJ?

Oh shit, what did he do with the song of clarity? How could you even use that to harm someone??

So he tweaked it?

Oh no 😥😥😥

Let me get this straight. JGY intentionally brought NMJ to the point of qui deviation? 😳

Oh no Huaisang!! 😭😭😭

Xue Yang??? He worked with JGY? 😱😱😱

So he didn't doe of Qui deviation!!!

Fuck, JGY spotted paperman-wwx 😳

Honestly wwx, maybe it's not the best idea ever to put your conscious into something that can be crushed by accidentally stepping on it 😬

That's his sword!!!

Didn't wwx just reveal who he is???

Maybe don't do that?!?!

HE CAN WIELD HIS SWORD AGAIN!!! 😭😭😭

but jgy definitely figured out who he is ... 😐

Still, I'm weirdly proud of him :')

But wait! Why does jgy have his sword to begin with???

Aww, little exhausted paperman-wwx flopping down into lwj's hand 🖤

This episode liveblog has been far too serious so far. Here, have my favourite lan Wangji mood:

I really appreciate how seamlessly this show moves between serious scenes and comedy

Jin Ling going "what do you want?" followed by 5 beats of silence and then

had me wheezing 😂

Oh no, he's hidden everything already, hasn't he?

Wow, even Xichen is defiant now. I sense drama!!!

@sweetlittlevampire @fandom-glazed @elenirlachlagos @allhailthedramallama @luckymoony @kyrrahbird @i-love-him-on-purpose (this episode was enlightening, but still raised more questions. Feels like we're honestly entering the final arc of this show 😔)

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Nicole's Rambling: The Avengers Problem (for PS4)

Let's start with the usual chanting: ❗this is my opinion, it's biased as hell (since I grew up with Marvel comic books and movies) and you don't have to agree❗

I was wondering why Avengers game gets so hated... So I took a look and I played it myself. Let’s have a look.

SPOILERS AHEAD

First off: the game isn't in any way horribly bad. It's just a button smasher with a story that has its good and bad beats. It's not memorable at all, but it could've gone way more downhill in my opinion.

At the start of the game, you meet the mighty Avengers through child fan's eyes - it's pure fanservice and let's be honest, it's dope. It was sweet, but pretty dragged, to be honest. I really didn't need to play as all five Avengers (HAWKEYE IS MISSING, AGAIN) in the first hour of the game, but sure, why not?

For the most part, you see the squad through Kamala Khan's eyes. For those who might have not a clue who the hell Kamala is; I am not wondering about why you don't know who the hell she is. She's a Marvel heroine who outed in 2013 and who will have her own spinoff on Disney+.

And again, Ms Marvel is fine, but not memorable at all. I've never, until this day, met anyone who would say that 'Ms Marvel is my favourite superhero'. I was halfway through the game before I even realized it's Ms Marvel - AFTER SHE PULLED HER DAMN COSTUME OUT. That can be due to my utter ignorance or because I heard of her so little that I can count it on my fingers. In all honesty, I loved Kamala as the story progressed, the gal's not bad at all - but as the whole game, she had good and bad beats. There were times where I wished to play as Iron Man and the game forced me to play as her... Whatever.

Let's look at the three problems I have with this game and three positives I found in the game:

0. (Technically zero since it's a personal problem of mine) The soundtrack and the voice actors:

By any means, I am not trying to say they should hire RDJ for the role of Iron Man and Mark Ruffalo for the role of Banner... But it was so hard to distinguish the voice of Nolan North (For example: Nathan Drake x Iron Man) and Troy Baker (Samuel Drake x Bruce Banner). For me, as for a PS4 gamer, it's annoying to hear the same voices again and again in every game I am genuinely excited about (Idk how Xbox players are familiar with them). Of course, there's even Laura Bailey as the Black Widow; I feel like these are the three only people who do voice acting for games these days and sure, I should've seen that coming.

Side note: Nolan North is not a good fit for Iron Man in the slightest in my opinion, but if you like his Iron Man, that's cool as well!

The soundtrack... M A N, the soundtrack. When I heard Marvel gave a green light to the Avengers game, I expected to hear at least the iconic Alan Silvestri's 'The Avengers'. Problem with this is simple: Marvel had spoiled its consumers with good and memorable soundtracks (don't you tell me you don't remember as they all gathered for the first time). Since it was Marvel itself who gave the green light for this project, which was supposed to be based loosely on the movies' and comic book success, I hoped to get all of it.

It's not Iron Man when AC/DC song isn't playing in the background as he flies through a canyon for his life. I mean, Iron Maiden are fine; but come on. COME ON. It's not the same. It's not the Avengers (WITHOUT HAWKEYE) without their significant theme.

1. IT. BUGS. ALL. THE. TIME and the combat is incredibly repetitive:

When I was little, I was a rage gamer. I could barely play Crash Bandicoot or Rayman without losing my cool. Since then, I grew up, skilled and etc. I try not to rage when playing games since it's simply not worth it.

But when you're replaying a boring mission for the tenth part and you're almost over and SUDDENLY, the game bugs out and you lose control over the character (it starts running in circles, etc.) it sucks shit. And don't let me start on the minor bugs. Like when you don't cross the platform by one pixel and the game doesn't let you make combos when you're in the air and bug into a tree when you bug into a wall, a rock, fucking nothing... Bruh. It was released in August, shouldn't these bugs be fixed by now? The game is fucking broken, hoes. It barely feels like a game ready to launch at times.

When you're so lucky that you don't bug out in the middle of doing something, the combat... It isn't bad. It's not terrible, but the Avengers deserved something better. It didn't deserve mediocre combat that repeats itself in every level. Once you find yourself good combo, you're done for. You can use it to finish the game if you will.

2. There's too many missions, too much information and too much things player has to understand if he wants to play the game properly:

Okay, this might seem to be a little confusing; I didn't understand the game system at all when I first ran it on my PS4. There's story missions, HARM training sessions, daily missions for particular heroes, faction missions (SHIELD, Pym, Stark, etc.) and character-side-story missions, and a lot more.

Trust me, it doesn't sound that hard, but once you open the map menu for yourself... Oh boy, that's a different story. And if it only was the map menu. The inventory and such aren't too collected all together either. Before you can safely tell what is what, it will take you at least a whole afternoon. Also, the fact that game just spills it on you just like that, one thing after another, it doesn't help the overall feel.

On top of that, there are MULTIPLE currencies in the game; some even involve microtransaction. It mostly is involving the customization of the Avengers, so it's not THAT big of a deal; you can get one currency by collecting boxes and stuff, but it takes ages before you can buy one single thingy.

Also, if you would like to get stuff (very useful stuff) from factions (SHIELD and Pym mainly), you have to do in-factions daily quests, which usually require to do a certain amount of things as a particular hero (you can do some quests with Ms Marvel only, some with Black Widow, it usually involves the damage dealt while playing as a character etc.). And if you forget to fetch these minies? Well, no faction points for you, bucko.

The system feels overall too complicated in the begging and even after finishing the game, I am not certain by some.

3. The gameplay of the one and only... Natasha Romanov, and the entirety of Steve Rogers:

Right off the bat: IT. SUCKS. SHIT.

This was your shot in opening our mouths and showing why Black Widow BELONGS to the Avengers in the first place. Like, sure, storywise you proved the point, but gameplaywise... That's a different story.

Out of the bunch, Natasha feels the slowest, most clumsy and overall not too pleasant to play as. Mainly is because her attacks do... Nothing. The gun reloading is basically constant when I have to put it simply and it takes about 3-5 seconds for her to even reload; which can be a matter of life and death inside the game. Sure, she can make herself invisible; but that's like... It. It's not that it would be suffering when you are forced to play as Nat... But not a pleasant experience either.

On the other hand, maybe it's just me. I have friends who told me the same about her gameplay, but maybe there's someone who enjoys the Black Widow. It's my personal with the entirety of the gameplay.

Steve, on the other hand, isn't hard to play as. It's just fucking boring. At the start of the game, I couldn't wait to play as Steve's character. He seemed to be awesome - Jesus fuck, how could I be so wrong? As I said, he's incredibly boring and dry, his skills would do the same amount of work if they even weren't there. I think that Rogers is there just for the shock value (as a value that doesn't even work in the slightest) and nothing more.

As you learn to do the tricks and combos with them, it gets slightly better and skill tree and equipment upgrades can help almost unnoticeable... But really, Steve and Natasha are the absolute worst.

Now the reasons why the game convinced me it isn't a hot mess as I initially thought:

1. The characters, dynamics, chemistry and the overall story:

Sure, it is mainly a basic plotline, a cookie-cutter one, full of cliché - Avengers have to regroup after a traumatic event and you're the one who has to find them and bring them together.

Yet it is quite interesting; the game leads you to believe that Steve Rogers is dead after an event called the 'A-Day' (which you won't believe even if the game does the hardest to make you to, constantly remaining you that 'Oh boy, Cap died, did you know that?') and the Avengers had left to exile because they were considered as big bad for the people and the country. They have their emotional baggage and the banter between Banner and Stark (though it ends too soon), is just the thing that makes them human and relatable.

Even the villains are quite compelling; not like ultra super convincing, but the game can turn around when you least expect it to; which is definitely a huge plus.

The characters were done GOOD. The dialogues are full of personality and jokes you'd expect from each one of them; Banner is a wallflower cutie, Tony fishes for compliments all the time, Natasha is the big independent woman she always was and Thor? CHEF'S KISS, I swear. It hits the Shakespearean vibe perfectly and at the same time, he still is charming and quite funny to hang around.

Every time you can listen to a chit-chat between two characters, it is a great pleasure for you as a Marvel fan. Also, I need to say that regardless of my personal issue with the dub (regarding Tony and Bruce; since they're the people you spend most of your time with), the dialogues for these two characters are on point without a doubt. And I kinda grew fond of the in-game Bruce Banner throughout the course of the game, to be honest.

There are references, jokes, inside jokes, one-liners... The dialogue was done amazingly and that's a huge   T H A N K   Y O U  to the developers.

2. The mind-blowing gameplay of... Tony Stark and Thor and AI, while not being too bright, getting stronger as you do:

In what the Natasha gameplay lacks, these two give you exactly what would you expect and way, way more than you'd ask for. Again, it mainly reflects the personal gameplay preferences of the player; let me tell you why I think these gameplays are, in my opinion, the best.

a) Tony's gadgets and weaponry: The suit itself is bloody brilliant. Once you master the ability to attack and fly at the same time, you have the moments when you can not only feel like Iron Man - but really be Iron Man. It's not even that your gameplay would suddenly become 10x easier; it significantly becomes funnier.

b) Thor's heavy fist-to-fist and Mjolnir preferences: the Mjolnir is bloody brilliant as well. Thor's combat is mainly physically based, but when you want to throw the hammer around like the madman you are, you can suit yourself. You can use the lightning if you please and you can fly if this style of combat suits you. It's all in your hands. Thor can take quite a bit of damage, which is significantly supporting you in this style. If you accidentally drop Mjolnir? Well, call it back and smash them!

Also, regarding the AI... As I said, they're certainly not the brightest sparks in the flame; yet thanks to the power getting bigger as you level up and continue with your story and a huge variety of enemies - from turrets to flying men with flamethrowers. It is just button smasher, but a pleasing one in this regard, I must say.

3. The fanservice to comic book fans, movie fans and loyalty to the property:

As one IGN review once said... "This game makes you feel like Batman." And this game more or less accomplished it as well, but diluted and stripped down. Of course, in no way I can compare this to the masterpiece to the Arkham saga; these games are brilliant.

But there are moments when the game can just drag you inside the story and tell you: "You're Iron Man now, boss. It's in your hands." And it's there. I think the only issue was that the team of devs just took too big of a bite. I wouldn't mind stand-alone titles emerging into one and big Avengers game. That would be fun as well and I would spend my time with it gladly.

To end it: it's a mess, but a good mess you might like. If I was to rate it, would be 5.1/10 Wait until it is on sale, don't rush it. I'm overall disappointed and I most likely will forget I have ever played it.

[reviewabeautifulstory]

Sotus the Series Episode 8 Review

I think this might’ve been the most peaceful opening to an episode yet. Picking up directly where the last left off with the wrist binding ceremony which included a nice little scene of Prem and Waad mending fences. I still think there’s some trust to be built up between the freshman and seniors though because not everyone – M in particular – feels comfortable going on a beach trip with the seniors if it means potentially giving them more of a chance to play tricks on them. And I don’t blame him but I’m prepared to give the seniors the benefit of the doubt.

I’m enjoying the relaxed atmosphere between everyone. There were some nice teasing moments about exams that honestly I remember my older school friends doing to me when we were studying and it did used to get rid of the nervous tension you had over them. I see that the seniors finally starting to properly look out for their juniors now they’ve recognised them as such.

I did laugh that the seniors being jolly was an apparent caused for gossip among the freshman. It is odd to see them like that but it’s also a fun change!

Ooh is Kong getting jealous of Maprang’s interest in Arthit? She thinks he’s cute which leads him to later start listing off the things he knows about Arthit – he drinks pink milk, his nickname, his crying behind the stands from last episode – and he wants to know if anyone else knows these things too. I think he’s trying to validate how well he knows Arthit. Maprang’s allowed to think he’s cute but Kong knows him. There’s a big difference between liking someone and knowing someone you like. I’m really enjoying these flirty moments between them. 

On a side note, I don’t know an awful lot about Thailand aside from what I’ve seen on travel shows and from my many, many rewatches of The King and I, but I’m guessing beach trips are a common trip destination and I can hardly blame them! They look stunning! And it looked like everyone had fun despite the somewhat short sequence. 

And that then led immediately on to my least favourite moment of the series. Kong’s jealously popped up again and I think it’s the first time I’ve seen him lose his cool a little. That was fine, but I didn’t like the ocean scene. That was far too Twilight-esque for me. I don’t care who they are to you, you don’t put yourself in harm’s way. I honestly don’t think Kong was thinking all that clearly but still not a great plea for attention. I think Arthit might be realising how much weight Kong puts to his words/actions though and feels some responsibility.

Kong looks genuinely upset by Arthit’s unsurprising disappointment they couldn’t follow the rules and sneakily got drunk – or, well, they tried to be sneaky about getting drunk. They failed miserably!

These guys definitely still have work to do before they’re on the same page but it seems Arthit is tired of the current status quo because he freely admitted them arguing is exhausting. And props to the actor because he has actually managed to make Arthit look less and less enthused during their arguing scenes. Maybe this’ll be the end of their push-pull thing they’ve got going between them because we are at the half way point so let’s shake this up a bit and try something else! And Arthit’s the one reaching out for something different, rather than Kong so that was cool to see.

I’m hoping this is the start of more one on one interactions between Kong and Arthit because that’s when these two characters – and actors – really start to shine!

[adenthemage]

shoutout to @madness-to-my-method​ for enabling me!

Here’s a long post where I dumped all my thoughts about tfp Starscream into a Google doc, please do enjoy and sorry for the length in advance! 

Categories include (but not necessarily limited to, as I’m an unorganized mess,) Wants vs Needs, How the Pit Does His Head Work, Megatron, Heroic Traits, and additional headcanons.

Wants vs Needs: The core to both Starscream’s want and need is the desire to be respected by others. Starscream is, of course, a very ambitious person. He knows exactly what he wants, and what he wants most of all is control of his own life. His own ambition and mad brand of genius amplify this to world-domination-levels of control. The want of power and being feared by others is a by-product of the core desire to be respected.

What he needs is someone to trust. He needs someone to ground him back in reality and help him recover from the serious damage those billions of years of abuse has done to his psyche. This will probably never happen, because Starscream will never let anyone get that close. When he lives in a world where Megatron constantly hurts him and no one has ever stepped in to help, of course he would learn that he should never rely on anyone else. That he has to help himself first and foremost because no one else will.

The closest person to ever almost gain his trust was Knock Out, and Knock Out never even realized it. It’s shown blatantly more than once that Starscream doesn’t forget when people do him a great service or disservice. He tends to operate on a weird ‘eye for an eye’ sort of honor code. If you save his life, he will remember that. KO saved Starscream’s life at least once, and it’s easy to see especially in the episode Thirst that Starscream starts to sort of respect the guy (and the genuine flattery didn’t hurt either.) Meanwhile, in the same episode, we can see KO becoming perhaps a little disenchanted with always being left behind or thrown under the bus after all he’s done to look out for Starscream.

KO put himself out there to help Starscream, (barring the ending of ep Thirst, but unfortunately that’s just the behavior expected of him,) and Starscream realized that in some capacity. On the other hand, Starscream was willing to let KO get hurt to save his own hide at every turn, and KO didn’t miss that. So it’s no surprise in the end, when Starscream rescues KO and hands him a powerful weapon and turns his back to him, nor when KO takes that opportunity to throw Starscream under the bus to save his own hide.

This is why I believe it is nearly impossible for Starscream to form any positive relationships after the ending of tfp. He was already basically there during the series, he likely already had the mentality that ‘trusting anyone=death’, but KO was supposed to prove him wrong, in a way. It was essentially his last chance to change, but instead he was proved right as a result of his own actions. He is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Starscream desperately needs to be saved from himself. He will never get this. Starscream wants power and control. In his relentless pursuit of this, he has ruined his chances at getting any of the above.

How the Pit does his head work: Starscream, as I mentioned briefly before, is kind of a genius. It’s not really the conventional type, though. He is observed for most of the series coming up with outlandish ideas on the fly (heh,) and they’re usually pretty hit or miss, but when they work they really work. It definitely helps that Starscream is quite honestly willing to sacrifice anything and everything short of his own life if he thinks there’s a chance it’ll work out in his favor. He takes risks-- granted a lot of the time it’s out of necessity, in his mind. ‘If I pass up on this chance, it might cause my death later on.’ He has a combination of a mind that comes up with plans most sane bots would rule out as impossible, and a constitution strong enough to act on those plans.

He functions on the (rather correct) assumption that everyone wants him dead, and so every alliance is never anything more than another means to manipulate and probably kill. He is a startlingly good actor when he is either in control of the situation or under threat of death by anyone besides Megatron.

Speaking of! There are two situations in which Starscream will act strikingly differently. When he is in control of the situation, versus when he’s under threat of even just physical harm. When he’s in control, he is grandiose and dramatic, sadistic and gleeful and terrifying. When he gets what he wants, he revels in it. He loves when he has someone else cornered, when he can feel the fear in them, it’s a sense of power that he isn’t allowed to have ‘back home,’ so it’s intoxicating (also, he’s just kinda a piece of shit.) As he is already prone to puffing himself up, his pride may become his downfall in these times (he gloats every once in a while. Depends on his mood. Sometimes he’ll just murder the victim right off the bat.)

When he feels significantly threatened, or otherwise thrown off guard, he may shut down, so to speak. He will give up on fight or flight and turn to trying to trick his way out. This is what the show seems to consider his cowardly side. He will do anything to protect his own life, including begging. His silver tongue is very much his strong suit, so there are several instances of him talking his way out of death. Thing is, he’s kinda smart about watching his own back. He survived the war, after all, and in a situation where he was essentially taken captive he followed all the recommended rules to surviving that situation. Even when he’s panicking, he’s able to plan an escape route.

Megatron: Megatron deserves to fucking die and I’m going to tell you why. Buckle in.

The concluding paragraph to the Want vs Need section was pretty bleak, and it’s Megatron’s fragging fault. What he put Starscream through is some severe abuse. There’s no way to deny that. He put Starscream in a position of power and then proceeded to take away any sense of power, security, control, safety, you name it. He created an environment where Starscream was constantly afraid and paranoid, punished him for every little error, literally beat him to near-death on an occasion that the show spells out for us. He gave Starscream the idea of what he wanted to badly and then tore it away from him.  If I made a Fears section, (which, I might,) Megatron would be near the top of the list.

And it’s infuriating because Starscream thinks that the way to get out of this cycle of pain and fear is to become just like Megatron. And what’s worse, he adapts to the situation, unaware. He learns that failure of any kind means pain, he learns that security will be found in controlling and harming others, he learns that he is worthless and desperately tries to force everyone around him to believe he is worth something, and he learns that believing in Megatron and the Decepticon cause was naive.

He was right about Megatron, by the way. Unstable as his grasp on reality may be at this point, he correctly saw the major flaws in his leader and correctly sought to dethrone him. Look what happened because Megs stayed in power! Megs became a corrupt leader and created a hierarchy where he was at the top and everyone did whatever he said because they were all too scared of him. If he made errors, it wasn’t because he was making decisions without taking into account the opinions of the qualified around him, it was because someone under him messed up somehow and he would punish them accordingly. Also, he uh, fucking lost the war. So yanno, eat shit, Megahoe.

Starscream kept Decepticon presence so well-hidden for the three years they were on Earth, that the Bots didn’t even realize they were there. Can I stress how impressive that is. He managed to operate on Earth enough to at least mine so much fuel as to run a massive warship and feed an army, and the Autobots assumed they were still out in another galaxy. Had Cliffjumper not stumbled upon one of the digsites before Megatron’s arrival, who knows what they could have done with such a potent element of surprise. He would have killed Optimus Prime in one instance if Megatron hadn’t intervened to beat him up. He would have been a far more effective leader than Megatron.

I would also like to note that the Decepticons do not fear him as wholly as they do Bucket Head, with notable distinctions to be made in how KO does not flinch away from Starscream despite being punished for disobeying him once or twice, whereas Starscream will flinch away if Megatron so much as walks towards him. The poor guy flinches at almost all physical contact, even if it isn’t hostile.

Whenever we’re shown Megatron attacking Starscream, Starscream does not fight back. He even refuses to put his hands around Megs’ wrist when he’s being lifted by the neck, which would generally be instinctual. That’s an intense terror to have been instilled in him, but I guess billions of years of severe mental and physical abuse will do that to you.

Heroic Traits: Starscream is a terrible guy, of course. We’ve established that much. But he’s got some traits that are often ascribed to protagonists, which I find interesting, so I’m making note of it. The big one is his perseverance. American stories love heroes that never give up, despite the odds, that try every angle and come out victorious despite hardships. Starscream embodies this trait, but I think the interesting angle here is that he’s persevering in pursuit of some evil-ish goals. Any heroic trait can be perverted into something to scorn, after all. If this trait is pointed at something that isn’t worth pursuing with such fervor, then perhaps that is what makes the difference between a hero and a villain.

The other one is his willingness to act on the problems he sees. The heroes are the ones who take up the calls to action, and far be it for him to be the type to sit back and let things happen. If he can, he will have a say in what happens. He thinks in terms of the bigger picture and goals towards solutions, and these are usually traits framed as worthy of being admired. He is often ridiculed and punished for these traits in the show.

Also, given his dismay at the destruction of the first chance to save Cybertron being done away with, I think it’s safe to assume, somewhere in his mind, he wants the best for their planet. Whether that’s to rule it is a different story--

Headcanons: He has a crooked, fake-looking smile even when he’s being genuine. Fight me. Also, dark lines under the eyes. Ups the spook-factor and the tired-old-man-factor all at once!

The reason Starscream returned to the Cons for season 3 was because he was starving. The red energon was the last of what he had, so he was forced to find a way to use it to earn his way into one of the factions. The Cons were familiar, he knew how they ticked, and trying to join the Bots twice before nearly cost him his life. It was the lesser of two evils.

He talks to himself constantly. He’s a verbal processor. (Although, this one might just be canon.) He also may not be able to differentiate between what he keeps in his head and what he says out loud, occasionally.

He’s a terrifying enemy in a fight, so long as he isn’t taken of guard. Look at him, he’s basically a bunch of knives with wings! Curse you, tfp, for not letting him win more fights, you cowards!

Dark Energon reacts more powerfully to Starscream than Megatron, though it seems to have more downsides for him, as well. It’s effect when he first stabbed himself with a shard was to cause him to burst into purple flames, while Megs just kinda spazzed out for a bit. However, Starscream could not control a Terrorcon with it, and Megatron could. (Not gonna make a call on the visions from the future thing because Starscream wasn’t affected by the Dark Energon for very long.) Megs used the Dark Star Sabre as merely a big slightly-toxic sword. When Starscream used it, it would backfire and cause him pain occasionally, but he was also able to use it to send out a paralyzing shock to everyone within like a 30ft vicinity or something idk I didn’t count but it was pretty impressive okay.

Insert mumbo-jumbo about Vosian Seekers and Skywarp and Thundercracker and Genericons here. He’s shorter than his brothers fighT ME.

Knowing myself, I’m probably gonna add to this garbage sooner or later.

[pessimisticpleasure]

Black Mirror Season Four Review

I’ve been waiting ages for season four of Black Mirror. It’s a good range of episodes all of which have a distinct and different feel to them from each other and also from what has come before them. This season relies on both bleakness but also uplifting moments which work well in tandem together, although is let down by the constant twists which, while always theoretically good can wear a little thin. I’d also like to praise the diversity of the season - every episode gives at least one really good role to a woman - although I refute the claim they all have female protagonists, USS Callister, Hang the DJ and Black Museum are male and female and all actually feel more geared towards the male as the main protagonist but I digress. There’s also a lot of roles for non-white actors which make the worlds far more believable and is incredibly still something I feel I have to give specific praise for because so few shows manage it.

USS Callister 10/10 - I went into this season of Black Mirror expecting this Star Trek parody to be my least favourite episode but it absolutely blew me away with how good the story was. This is a pretty disturbing look at the implications of virtual reality and technology which can ‘think’ and of how the kind of ‘lonely’ ‘nice’ guy who tends to be the sort committing horrific acts of workplace violence in the real world might respond to advances in technology which allow them to remain undetected as they cause harm but it’s also given an uplifting ending - unusual for Black Mirror but pleasing for me as a viewer. The balance between humour and darkness was well met, the acting was good and so were the characters. Altogether, this was my favourite episode of the new season.

Arkangel 7/10 - Arkangel was not bad by any means, it was a really interesting story which had some really interesting themes regarding parental control and children growing up with technology, I just felt like it could have gone a lot deeper than it did. It ended slightly underwhelmingly, neither hugely positive or negative when I felt like it needed to pick a lane. Also there were too many teenagers in it but I haven’t let that pull the score down. It was also unfortunately framed by two much better episodes in my opinion and as a childless woman in my twenties I don’t relate to either a parent who needs to keep an eye on their child or the child being spied on because my parents really didn’t have the need to do that. It’s a shame because I was really looking forward to the first female-directed episode ever and it really under-delivered.

Crocodile 9/10 - This is a chillingly dark look at desperation which I found genuinely difficult to watch at times. The previous two episodes and their ‘it’s mostly okay’ endings deceived me a little and I was caught a little off guard by just how dark this managed to go towards the end. It’s a quintessentially Black Mirror episode showing humanity at it’s worst and the depths someone might go to for self-preservation when they’re under attack. I’ve seen some negative reviews of this episode and I definitely understand why it won’t be for everyone - it’s unapologetically violent and difficult to watch but for me that’s part of what makes it so good. (Just one side-note question: why is it called Crocodile? Is it about Crocodile tears because that seems kind of like what it might be but also that doesn’t make a huge amount of sense? Anyway, I pondered that for a really long time.)

Hang the DJ 9/10 - I’m interested in what other people thought of this, my impression was that if you liked San Junipero last season you’ll probably enjoy this uplifting love story. It’s really sweet, funny at times and it was a nice breather after the void of darkness which came before it. I really can’t make up my mind on the twist at the end and whether I quite liked it or if it was a bit of a cop out because they couldn’t think of another way to end it. Either way, what came before it was stellar, it served as a nice break from the bleakness and the words ‘998 Rebellions’ were unbearably sweet.

Metalhead 3/10 - Sadly, this was the low point of the season for me. I’ve not previously enjoyed the more gory or horror-esque episodes and this was no different. Mercifully shot in black and white so the gore is not so obvious otherwise this would have been unwatchable for me. There’s a lot of jump scare bits which really put me off and the world of the story is never fully built. It’s high concept packed into only 40 minutes and for me it just didn’t work, the character was never realised and the plot seemed slow. If it had been longer and if they’d tried to build some kind of world (possibly by having two characters together for a little more exposition through dialogue) then it might have worked but instead too much time is focused on gore and shock value and trying to make you care about the main character without ever giving you a reason to.

Black Museum 7/10 - What really made this episode was the end - like the only other anthology episode White Christmas from way back in season two, I had guessed there’d be some twist at the end and for me that was what made this episode good. Even for Black Mirror, the technology detailed in this episode is particularly disturbing, especially the consciousness ending up in a cuddly toy. The three stories are pretty good - the first slightly comical before it takes a dark turn, the second just totally disturbing, and the third quite sad although rushed - but what hugely makes it is the scenes in the museum between Nish and Rolo and a punchy ending which ties everything together. References to previous episodes, both from this season and from others a much longer time ago are also really nice additions.

[gingervsblondie]

Blondie (1938)

9:09 PM, Friday, 20 September 2019

Hi. My name’s Euan. Maybe you know me from things. Maybe not. What I’ve just done is open a blank word processor file on my personal computer, and alongside it I’ve opened the 1938 film Blondie, the first in the 28-film-long movie franchise based on the newspaper comic strip, which I haven’t read to any significant extent. In yet another tab, I’ve opened the Wikipedia article for said film, in which I’ve just now learned that Blondie refers to the female lead of the series, something which I was not previously aware of. Every Blondie strip I’ve ever read focused on Dagwood, so I guess I assumed Dagwood was Blondie. I knew that Dagwood was a character but I guessed that he was some wacky side character that I might see if I took a deep dive into the Blondie mythos. WHICH I SUPPOSE IS WHAT I’M DOING NOW, ISN’T IT? Because today I start my journey to watch every Blondie movie ever produced, 28 movies between 1938 and 1950. This... is Ginger vs. Blondie. A minute ago, I didn’t know who Blondie was. Let’s get stuck in, shall we?

9:10 PM

I’ve made a terrible mistake.

9:16

Went to get movie snacks and when I came back and hit play, I accidentally started playing Bombing California St., the third track from the soundtrack for The Last Black Man in San Francisco, on Spotify. It had an interesting effect, adding a dissonant ominous vibe to the cheerful intro, as well as reminding me that good movies exist and I’m gonna watch all the Blondies instead.

9:19

Arthur Lake does look like Dagwood. At this junction I don’t know if there will be different regenerations of Dagwood, but I feel if I’m taking on this endeavour I should get to know the actors’ names.

9:23

“Blondie, oh look! One of my blue socks is green!” -Dagwood, in a black and white movie, based on a black and white comic strip.

9:29

I’m impressed by Larry Simms’ performance as Baby Dumpling (who I will henceforth call Alexander because Baby Dumpling is a demeaning name for a human being) if only because he looks way too young to be able to repeat these lines on cue, as he’s doing. Actually, he seems to have the best comedic timing of any of the actors so far. Lake’s Dagwood and Penny Singleton’s Blondie have delivered a few genuinely funny jokes in such a weirdly timed way that they fell flat. Like it took me a second longer to process them than it should have.

9:35

Just used an inflation calculator to translate a bit where Blondie spends $580 on furniture into modern currency. Then I converted it to Canadian dollars so I could relate to it. Turns out it’s about $14,000 CDN.

9:38

Alexander sits in the time-out chair.

Blondie: “What have you done?”

Alexander: “Nothing, yet.”

https://youtu.be/oCghUlTLKVA?t=178

9:45

There was just a scene where Dagwood asked for advice about being in debt, and someone told him to hang himself, followed immediately by Alexander drying dishes for his mother and saying “When I dry dishes, I hate myself.”

I’m a bit concerned about the screenwriter.

(Who in this case happens to be a man by the name of Richard Flournoy.)

9:51

There was a scene where Dagwood talked to a framed photo of Blondie and Alexander on his desk. It was actually really sweet. And ended with Dagwood saying “Huh? Oh, I thought you said something.” Which made me smile.

That was a good scene in the movie Blondie.

9:54

Alexander just went full Krazy Kat and hit his friend Alvin with a fucking brick. When I saw him hiding the brick behind his back I was QUITE DISTRESSED.

9:56

The movie just made me laugh. Dagwood finds a weight scale/fortune teller, which he puts a coin in, and it tells him he weighs 163 pounds, and that he is “a stupid fellow and not likely to succeed.” He spends another coin and it says the same thing. Another man comes in, gets his weight, and is told he’s about to consummate a successful business deal. Smiling, Dagwood takes out another coin to try again.

None of this was funny.

When he inserts the coin, the scale says “Save your money, sucker, I’ve told you twice already.” And then you hear the coin being returned. That got me.

10:07

Made me laugh a second time. The joke was Guy A asks Guy B-

Guy A: “Where did you leave it?” (It being a vacuum cleaner that’s gone missing.)

Guy B slowly turns his head to look in one direction. Guy A follows suit. Then Guy B points in a different direction than he’s looking.

Guy B: “Over there.”

Stupid joke. I should note that it’s in questionable stereotype area. Guy B is a black hotel worker who I guess is supposed to be a bit dim. But if we’re giving the movie the benefit of the doubt, maybe it’s completely unrelated to him being black and completely unrelated to the unfortunate history of ridiculing black people in early American comedy.

But I mean the black guy’s giving probably the funniest performance in the movie so I gotta give props to him as a comedy performer if not to the writer.

Looked him up, his name is Willie Best. He died at age 45. “In the 21st century, his work, like that of Stepin Fetchit, is sometimes reviled because he was often called upon to play stereotypically lazy, illiterate, and/or simple-minded characters in films.”

The article for Blackface is listed in his “See also.”

Can one appreciate the comedic work of a black man who was reinforcing harmful stereotypes against black men? I didn’t realize such questions would arise when I started the 1938 movie Blondie and indeed the rest of the franchise which I’ve apparently committed myself to.

10:11

Snort. Does a snort count? I snorted. Snort Watch 2019.

Guy: “Dagwood Bumstead. Now your last name, you can’t help that. But somebody is to blame for your first name.”

Dagwood: “That’s right.”

Guy: “Any middle name?”

Dagwood: “No.”

Guy: “Well, that’s a break.”

10:27

Jesus fucking Christ, Dagwood is absolutely traumatizing Alexander. He just told him that if he kept running away from home then maybe his family might stop loving him, and one day he’d come home and they’d be gone. THAat Is NoT HowW youU PARENT DAGWOOD

10:28

The dog is a good actor.

10:30

Snort watch 2019: “General manager? General nuisance.”

I never said I had a high bar for what makes me snort.

10:33

I ship Dagwood and Blondie tbh.

This movie is kind of carried by genuinely sweet moments here and there. Y’know, in between the racism and irresponsible parenting.

10:36

Dagwood Sandwich Watch 2019:

He put a coaster in it by mistake.

10:40

‘Nother sweet moment! Blondie and Dagwood each individually snuck out of the bedroom to go check on sleeping Alexander, meet each other in his room, say “Hello.” “Hello.” And then go over to his bedside.

10:53

Dagwood’s problems came to a head at a surprise reveal in his home, in front of visiting friends. Made me think of Bob’s Birthday, the pilot to Bob and Margaret.

https://youtu.be/k-58TB6-Sy0

10:57

A lot of the conflict right now is revolving around potential infidelity. Which I wouldn’t have predicted, at the very least not in the first movie.

11:13

Thus ends the first Blondie film. It had heart. Not too many jokes landed but it didn’t get boring.

My rating is: one Dagwood Sandwich containing corn chips and turkey.

Strap in folks, we’ve got 27 movies to go. Might watch one more tonight, but I do want to re-watch Bob’s Birthday first.

11:30 I did that. Made for an interesting contrast. Some parallels of marital devotion and infidelity. ALRIGHT HERE WE GO BLONDIE MEETS THE BOSS 1939 GET HYPED EVERYBODY

[mystic-messenger-writing]

Deep friendships with MC and rfa + v + saeran! I crave deep friendships between characters, and I'd love to see this! Thank you!

This is such a sweet request anonny, I love it! Being friends with any of the Mystic Messenger characters would be awesome because they’re all so great! I didn’t add Jaehee since I answered a similar request about having a deep friendship with her yesterday! I really hope that you enjoy!! :)

Side Note: I will not be posting any headcanons tomorrow! I’m taking the day off for my birthday and having a huge birthday party just kidding I’m probably going to stay in bed all day and play Fire Emblem but I’ll periodically check my asks box in case anything major happens! I’ll resume posting headcanons on Sunday. Thank you for understanding and I hope that you all have a wonderful day!! ^^

Yoosung

Yoosung has had plenty of friends in the past but none could compare to the deep friendship that he shared with you

Your friendship with him blossomed when one day you defended Yoosung when the rest of the members scolded him for always slacking off

From that day on, you and Yoosung would spend a lot of time together and go to fun places, especially when either one of you were upset

He loved taking you to the arcade to show off his gaming skills, but was shocked when you beat him in a couple of the games

Yoosung would often invite you over to his apartment when he needed help studying and even started to steadily improve his grades thanks to your help

If anyone ever made you upset or cry, Yoosung would comfort the heck out of you with lots of supportive encouragements and hugs

In return, if Yoosung ever felt upset, you give him the biggest hug ever and play some LOLOL with him (you would always let him win so that he’d feel better)

Yoosung realized how lucky he was to have you, you never yelled at him for his lifestyle and you supported him in whatever he chose to do, making you the greatest friend he could ever ask for

Zen

Zen was surrounded by people who were his fans and co-actors, but he would always be grateful to have a best friend like you

He had always seen you more as a little sister who needed her big brother to explain to you how dangerous other men could be since they’re wolves

Your support during the entire Echo Girl ordeal is really when your friendship with Zen took off, making the rest history

One of Zen’s favorite things to to do with you was to go over his script lines with you

He would always get a good laugh in when you tired to act out the part, telling you that you should leave the acting to him

Of course he’d stop laughing whenever you’d give him a slap across his arm

Calling you late at night to talk about a vivid dream that he had was also common when you’d become friends with Zen, he always felt safe around you to tell you his crazy dreams in detail

Zen was incredibly thankful to have a best friend like you in his life who’d listen to his issues and help him out when needed so he’d always make sure to be there for you whenever you needed him

Jumin

Jumin never thought that he needed to have friends in his life in order to be happy

Sure he had V, but he was usually out on “buisiness trips” and even though he’d never admit it, Jumin felt like he was all alone at times

That is until you showed up and began to be more friendly towards Jumin, no judging him about his wealth, car obsession, or personality

Jumin loved whenever you came over to his penthouse and discuss business ideas with him, usually with a glass of wine or cup of tea

But you also became a pillar of support for Jumin, he’d sometimes end up talking to you until morning about his life and just how overwhelming it could be

He also loved to take you out to lunch during his own lunch break and rant to you about how some idiotic a few of his employees are

In return, Jumin would always be a phone call away if you needed absolutely anything at all, which ranged from if you needed a driver to pick you up because you have a flat tire to throwing someone in jail for life if they messed with you

Jumin could be a little awkward around the edges to have as a friend, but once the two of you did become friends, you both knew that you had each other’s backs, something that in Jumin’s mind qualified you as best friend material

Seven

Seven really never had a true best friend before until he had met you

Of course he’d joke around on the messenger with the other members, but you saw through his 707 mask and only saw the real Saeyoung

He was nervous at first to be friends with you, since he didn’t want the hacking agency to harm you, but you assured him that you were fine

After that, you and Seven would spend tons of time together doing all kinds of random things

The two of you would go to movies but he’d end up getting bored halfway through and left with you, went to the video game store to find some multiplayer games, and even went to the planetarium together

But most importantly to Seven, you’d listen to his problems and fears, you’d always be there to envelope him in a big hug whenever he needed to let it all out and cry

He’d always have your back and listened to your problems in return, Seven would keep an eye on you when he knew that you were going out at night to ensure your safety

Seven would forever be appreciative to have a best friend like you in his life, he really doesn’t know how he functioned without you being there for him and him there for you

V

V, out of everyone in the RFA, needed a friend more than anyone

So when you came into the messenger and treated V with respect and a positive attitude, V immediately wanted to be your friend because of your kind-heart and he just really needed someone in his life to be kind and encourage him

Having someone like you who would actually listen to the poor boy and give him helpful advice was something that made V so incredibly happy and he would make sure to always return the favor in any way that he could because he wanted to share his happiness

When he noticed you getting stressed out or sad, V would take you out to a cafe or show you some of his nature photos to help clear your mind

He would genuinely laugh and be happy with you and he would always try his best to do the same with you

If anyone tried to hurt or talk down on you, V would hire some security guards to take them down because no one messes with V’s friends

V would always be eternally grateful to have you as his best friend, he’d constantly make sure to tell you how much of a positive impact you’ve made on his life

Unknown

Saeran was always apprehensive when it came to having friends

Everyone in his life had betrayed or abused him at some point, except you, you were different

You accept Saeran, you never based your judgement on him because of his past actions and you sincerely wanted to be his friend

It took time by soon enough, you and Saeran had become each other’s best friends

The sweets shoppe was basically yours and Saeran’s second home, the two of you went there all of the time to try new kinds of candies

If Saeran was having a rough day you’d always be there to gently rub his back and tell him sweet words of comfort and praise

He opened up to you since he developed a deep trust with you, telling you everything and anything about his life and his emotions

But Saeran would always be there for you in return and even though he wasn’t the best with his words, Saeran definitely became one of the best huggers you’ve ever met

Saeran could never thank you enough for being his best friend, but the two of you made a pinky promise to always be there for each other no matter what

[avi-stella]

The One That I Love (Ch. 9) | Zen/Hyun Ryu x Reader

RATING: Teen | GENRE: Angst/Fluff SUMMARY: For the entirety of the eleven days you spent planning the RFA party, you were stuck in some other woman’s body. Having returned to your previous body after the party, you go to see Zen, but… NOTE: Reader is not MC (kind of). Takes place directly after Zen’s Normal End.

[PREVIOUS] • • [START FROM CH. 1]

The words that Zen said about his feelings towards Mi-Suk are still ringing throughout your head even late at night. You really should try to sleep, but your mind was racing with so many questions that you couldn't relax for even just a second. Sighing heavily to yourself, you take an extra pillow from your bed and hug it, turning to your side as you debate on your next course of action. Words stumble out of your lips without much thought as you go through different scenarios and conversations you could try to have with the young man. The ringing of your cell phone cuts through your thoughts, and you hastily sit up to retrieve the device, afraid that it was something important if the person was calling you this late at night.

Your eyes widen for a second when you look at the caller ID and answer the call, bringing the phone close to your ear. "Hello?"

"Hey," Zen's familiar voice greets you from the other side. His voice is low and almost out of breath as though he was holding it up until the moment you picked up. "Sorry to call you so late. Were you sleeping?"

"No," you answer as you allow yourself to flop back down on the bed, your mind wandering back to all those other nights you spent chatting with Zen on the phone in the late hours when you were still helping the RFA host the party. Your heart clenches at the memory, and you ball your free hand into a fist to distract yourself. "Is something wrong?" you question, sounding concerned. Was his ankle hurting? Was he upset? Did he hurt himself?

"Mm, not really," Zen hums. "I just wanted to hear your voice."

You almost choke on air from his blunt response. God, Zen was sending you way too many mixed signals right now. Or maybe you were just misinterpreting those signals. Either way, there was no room for doubt in what Zen said, his voice sounding completely genuine. "O-Oh?"

You hear the actor chuckle at your lame response, and for a second you wonder if he would be able to hear you scream into your pillow. "Actually, I, um...have a question for you. It's been on my mind for a while now..."

Zen's entire demeanour shifted, prompting you to become much more attentive, sitting upright. "Sure, what is it?"

The line remains quiet for a moment and you almost believe that the call dropped, but then you hear the young man take a deep breath. You don't think it was for you to hear, but you just barely catch him muttering, "Here goes nothing." Zen's voice is then back to being its normal volume on the phone as he starts, "You said that I reminded you of someone you liked, right?"

It doesn't take much scrambling on your part to remember just what it was that Zen was talking about. You nod your head before realizing that he wouldn't be able to see while on the phone, so you voice out your response. "Yes..." If you remembered correctly, that small breakdown of yours also had you admitting that you were still very much in love with the young man. Naturally, you were talking about Zen himself, but he didn't know that.

"So then..." Zen continues, and you hear his voice waver as his usual confidence isn't quite there. "Does that mean...if you still didn't have feelings for him, you might be able to have feelings for me? Y-You know, since I remind you of him, right? So that means I could be your...type...maybe...?"

Whatever remaining confidence Zen had completely died down as he trailed off with that last sentence. You were stunned silent, making your rapidly beating heart beat seem so much louder in your ears. You had to tell him. This was your chance, you thought. If you didn't tell Zen now, then you highly doubted you would get another chance. However, before you can even open your mouth to speak, Zen spoke again.

"I-I'm sorry, that was a weird question! Just forget I said anything. It's late, and I should let you sleep. Good night!"

And then he hung up. You stared at your phone, not knowing how you felt before groaning out loud, frustrated, as you buried your face into your pillows and thrashed your legs around. What the hell were you supposed to do now?!

Zen stared blankly at his phone, going over the previous short conversation. Ah, he felt like an idiot. An absolute idiot. The actor placed his phone on top of the bedside drawer before flopping himself down on his bed, his hair flying all around him. He buried his face into his pillow, unknowingly copying your actions, and screamed.

"Aaagh! I'm an idiot. An idiot! Idiot! Idiot! I'm a handsome idiot, but an idiot all the same!" he whined as he rolled around as much as his cast allowed him to on the bed.

At some point, Zen had stopped rolling and just lay on his back, arms spread wide at his side as he stared at his ceiling. This was really starting to kill him, but hell, if it was you, then maybe the actor wouldn't mind it too much. Zen remembered the absolute heartache you cried out to him when you explained why you were trying to avoid him that one time. He hated to admit it, but he could feel the deep love you felt for that man you talked about, whoever he was, and the actor couldn't help but feel jealous.

"That person sure is lucky..." Zen mused, lips twisting into a wry smile as he tried to will himself to sleep.

Thanks to his monstrous healing capabilities, Zen was able to take his cast off quite early. The actor felt so relieved and free now that he was out of the cast and no longer had to use crutches. He really should be more careful next time, but in all honesty, he would be more than willing to put himself in harm's way if it meant protecting you.

Zen was enthusiastically greeted by his fellow cast and crew members, a couple of them congratulating him on his speedy recovery and expressing their excitement to resume production. The young man was excited too, but for right now, he just wanted to see your face. Seeing you and your smile was one of the things Zen looked forward to every time he woke up ever since he started working on this production.

The actor spotted you across the room, helping with organizing the props since nobody wanted an incident like last time to happen again, and Zen excused himself to go up to you. As you were busy moving boxes around, you saw a flash of white from the corner of your eyes before you felt new hands take the heavy box that you were carrying.

"Zen! I'm glad you're all better now!" you exclaim, flashing him a warm smile which caused butterflies to dance in his stomach.

He returned the gesture, "Thanks. So, where should I put this?"

"Oh, just over there in the corner should be good."

Zen nodded before proceeding to place the box away. Your eyes watched him attentively, still confused as to why he asked you that one question last night. You had wanted to bring it up, but it didn't seem like the proper time for it.

The day passed by uneventfully, and neither you nor Zen really had the opportunity or courage to bring up the phone call from last night. Needless to say, the atmosphere between you two was awkward, but it didn't quite deter the two of you from just having fun and enjoying each other's company. The director had called for your help for something by the time Zen managed to catch himself a break, so he was left sitting all by his lonesome, bored out of his mind.

The actor's phone chimed with his ringtone, and curious, Zen picked it up. "Seven? What's up?"

"Just wanted to give you a progress report!" the hacker answered with his usual energetic voice.

Zen scrunched his eyebrows from confusion. "Progress report...on...?"

The young man heard Seven give an exaggerated sigh. "[Name]! I've almost tracked her down!"

"Oh, right," Zen surprised even himself with his less than enthusiastic response. Just then, the actor caught sight of you entering the room, and Zen continued, "Actually, Seven... it's fine."

"What?"

"You don't really need to track [Name] for me anymore," Zen explained as he stood up when he locked eyes with you. You reflexively smiled upon seeing the male and waved to him, and Zen waved back. From the other side of the phone, Seven could practically hear the actor's smile in his voice as he said, "I think I've fallen in love with someone else..."

Without another word, Zen ended the call, all grins as he approached you. It's true that the young man still felt something for the 'you' that he met on the messenger, but Zen couldn't deny the feelings that he held for you here now. It no longer mattered to him if you really were the person he met and fell in love with or not. All he knew was that he found your presence comforting and something he longed for.

Perhaps he was being greedy, and a part of him was afraid of scaring you away, but the pull you had on him was just far too strong to ignore. Before, when Zen imagined what his life would be like being beside the one that he loved, he first saw Mi-Suk's face, but now, all Zen could see was you. He can't even remember when you started to invade his thoughts and dreams, but it wasn't like he was complaining.

He loved the you here and now, and that was all that mattered.

[NEXT CHAPTER]

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