#i like hearing new perspectives of things even if it ultimately doesn’t change my own perspective

[wormieapple]

i very, very genuinely do not understand y people h8 the actor men so much??? or by association the characters the actor men play???? does this enhance your enjoyment of the show, is that why??? does dividing yourself from others to fight them on relatively menial things bring more dopamine to people and that’s why they get up in arms abt j2 and hellers and all these other things that i just genuinely cannot see a meaningful goal to????

it is inch resting

[gladiolusflwr]

Percabeth is so special to me for so many reasons:

SPOLIERS FOR EP:5 OF PJO

I’ve loved percabeth since I started reading these books for a multitude of reasons. One of the many reasons being that before all else, Percy was always her friend (even before either of them knew that), I mean- in the show, he’s risked his life for her like 2-3 times so far. He’s ready to die for her because he believes that that’s how friends work, because all book thing’s considered, you can’t tell me that he wouldn’t do the same thing for Grover.

Annabeth on the other hand, understands love (whether friendships or familial love) as conditional. She does everything right, she’s loved- she does it wrong, nobody stands at her side. Annabeth thinks in the ultimate extremes, which is why she’s 6 steps ahead of everyone else, she’s paranoid. So imagine her confusion when she meets a boy who sacrifices himself for others (most recently her) when they (or she, in this case) have done nothing (in her opinion) to benefit him first. No bargaining, no favors to return, no conditions to his seemingly endless loyalty. That’s why she doesn’t like him in the beginning. Not because he’s a son of Poseidon, not because he doesn’t understand as much as her (which she does sometimes finds frustrating), she doesn’t like him because she can’t even begin to understand him, as soon as she THINKS she’s figured him out, be surprised her- but his entire personality also makes her curious, she’s never experienced a person like this before, but he’s got her hooked without even knowing it.

I also wanted to bring up the chair sequence in the fifth episode because OH MY GODS- I cried.

Percy sacrificing himself for her AGAIN. She tells him that, no, he can’t do this for her again, she won’t allow it. He doesn’t care that she won’t allow it- he believes that she’s better than he’ll ever be. The only time Percy comes off as “selfish” is in these moments where he’s going against the people he loves to save them- it’s not inherently selfish because he thinks he’s doing the right thing but doesn’t take into consideration how others might feel. Like in this scene- he sits down and tells Annabeth that her and Grover would be better on this quest without him, meanwhile, Annabeth is a step away from breaking down and Grover (upon hearing the news) would probably throw a fit.

But the end of this scene with Percy really does it for me- him telling Annabeth that it’s ok and that it doesn’t hurt, that he’s ok. Telling her that it’s alright and that he chose this for himself.

OH- AND ANNABETH’S SPEECH TO HEPHAESTUS: Her telling the god that she refuses to leave, that it’s unfair and unjust that PERCY of all demigods is stuck on the throne. She says to him that Percy is changing perspectives, her own included and that she will not keep behaving as a “good child” and a “good hero” as long as the olympians continue to be unjust in their opinions on Demigods.

Hephaestus agrees that the gods are unjust than not and that she IS a good kid no matter how her mother feels about her, and he let Percy go.

(As you can tell, these characters are my Roman Empire)

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

[bestworstcase]

something about ozma keeping his memories but losing his identity + the denizens losing their memories but keeping their identities. and ozma’s first experience of reincarnation being panicked disorientation (“where am i?!” “who are you?”, the onetime knight of the fairytale throwing his sword away and recoiling in horror because he’s lost to himself) underscored by oscar’s aching fear/empathy, in juxtaposition to ascension as this healing and transcendental experience that is ultimately affirming of selfhood and also in the literal sense designed as an off-ramp in case you’re no longer content with your chosen purpose, like, if you no longer want to be what you’ve become the point of ascension is to remake you into whatever you do want to be, so there’s this potent inversion of what the god of light did to ozma via the self-monitoring/self-correcting/self-enforcing nature of the two minds setup. ozma can’t change his mind because there’s another him bouncing all his anxieties back at him, all the time, whereas the denizens choose to leave when they feel the need to and come back having been revitalized in accordance with what they want to be.

*i will grant the possibility that i’m not reading ascension correctly—5 does make a definite point of trying to unsettle the audience by casting doubt on the cat’s character and i don’t think it’s clear yet whether that’s intended as obvious foreshadowing/dramatic irony because the girls trust the cat but shouldn’t, or if it’s the narrative relocating itself back into the girls’ perspective and the cat coming across in this more suspicious way is because the girls are so rattled by the revelation of this huge thing that isn’t in their guidebook at all. but until we get an answer regarding the hawker i stand by what i said in 1-4, i don’t think the ever after is sinister and i don’t think the cat is its puppet master and consequently i think we can approach the cat telling the truth as a serious possibility even if we don’t immediately take what they say at face value (which we shouldn’t, because the point of the cat is to invite skepticism).

my own inclination is to trust what the cat says, mostly on the grounds that i find their explanation completely congruent with my initial reaction to herb’s departure (<- ngl i was pretty thrown by all the fandom chatter about him being ‘punished’ or ‘removed’ bc the scene reads very strongly to me as the herbalist leaving. like he just decided he was done with this situation and peaced out.) there’s a certain casualness to the whole affair; the herbalist remarks sheepishly that he’s always been a bit of a workaholic and then seems to be thinking aloud about what a huntress is as the ground opens beneath him, and then he drops without any shift in demeanor or emotional state, no startled cry, no scream, no scrambling effort to catch himself. and then in the next episode the cat explains that: 1. when a denizen breaks or gets used up, the ever after calls them back; 2. the ever after had been calling to herb in this way for quite some time, but herb couldn’t hear it because his heart had grown too weak; 3. until the cat shared a little of their own; 4. herb will be made into “the herb he wanted to be when he was still herb” and then come back new; and 5. herb might return to his old purpose or he might choose a different one. now the cat doesn’t say so explicitly, but their explanation very strongly implies that this process is entirely voluntary: the herbalist got ‘used up’ a while ago, but didn’t ascend despite being called to (=ascension is not automatic and answering the ever after’s call isn’t mandatory).

this also squares with what herb says and the sequencing beforehand: first the cat interrupts the trial to defend ruby, then the herbalist coughs on his own smoke and comments ruefully on his own error, then the cat makes their speech and shares a bit of their heart, and lastly the herbalist calls himself a workaholic before he ascends. i think the most salient piece here is that the herbalist recognizes that something is wrong before the cat says or does anything besides intervening for ruby; to me “oh, i do apologize, i… always was a bit of a workaholic” reads as a clarifying extension of herb’s original thought (“oh, my! that’s a bit much!”) <- so the cat’s role in this isn’t to change what the herbalist thinks so much as it is to draw out an idea that the herbalist felt but could not fully articulate.

i think the cat might not be quite correct on why the herbalist chose not to ascend earlier—they say herb couldn’t hear the call, but the herbalist earlier in the episode really stresses importance of knowing and being certain of what you are now before you try to change, or else risk becoming someone you never intended to be, and prior to ascending we get this beat of a distressed exclamation with no specificity becoming a calm and clear-eyed articulation of what’s wrong with him. “too much!!” clarifies itself as “oh, i’m a workaholic,” cue ascension. and like, essentially the first thing the herbalist says to the girls is “i’m the herbalist, at least… hmm, until i’m not anymore.” what this adds up to for me is that the herbalist knew he had a problem, knew he wanted to change, but hadn’t yet identified precisely what or why—and being keenly aware of what might happen if he tried to change without a clear understanding of what he wanted to be instead, he chose to remain as he was until he figured it out.

and if we do see him again—we might not—i suspect he won’t be the herbalist anymore. because ascension makes you into the you you wanted to be when you were still yourself, and the herbalist was all used up, consumed by his purpose, a workaholic doing things by rote, right. he’d lost his passion. he felt frustrated and stuck. and then he found the insight he needed through interaction with these four strangers whose chosen purpose is new and yet familiar: he is a herbalist, he makes remedies to help people, and they are huntresses, they protect people who can’t protect themselves. now herb does not have all the context on what a huntress is, denotatively, because it’s a profession designed to meet a particular need that the ever after simply doesn’t have. but he does know what the girls told him (a huntress fights monsters, protects people, learns from her failures and takes pride in who she’s become while also looking forward to her future, embraces complexity and connection, and refuses to be defined by the perceptions of others; peculiar things indeed) and he certainly seems to be interested in the concept. he’s bored and tired of being a herbalist, but he does still want to help people—he is earnest in his desire to help the girls—and here’s this new purpose that while different also rhymes. the cat shares a bit of their heart and herb gets this spark of insight (=becomes himself again) and then makes two remarks, the first a statement of what he is now (a workaholic) and the second, perhaps, musing on what he might be instead (a huntress). so if we take the cat’s description of what ascension does literally then i would expect herb to return as a huntress, as defined by the girls when he questioned them, with perhaps the key difference that rather than fight monsters (of which there are not an abundance in the ever after!) he might seek to protect people from other kinds of dangers with which he’s more familiar, such as rushing to change before you’re truly ready—both a return of a kind to the worthwhile parts of his old purpose and a complete shedding and correction of the workaholism that put him in a rut and led him to rush people who sought his help. (<- the reason i think we might see herb again is this obviously has some narrative salience to ruby’s struggle with what a huntress is and whether she can be one or even wants to be one, and herb choosing to become his idea of a huntress makes for an excellent hook from which to hang a reprise of oobleck’s “why?”)

—that tangent got away from me this was supposed to be a post about ozlem. the wish fulfillment fix-it fanfic of it all. ascension literally directly a point-by-point rebuttal to ozma’s curse and it’s not even in the book it’s like hiding in a stash of old notes somewhere, gathering dust, just. a kinder world where eternity doesn’t have to hurt so much.

[realweezer]

CSH, Identity, & Change (800 words)

A while ago, I saw a post on r/CSHfans asking what it means to write about deeply personal or private things – how that can shape our relationship to someone else’s art and what regrets an artist might have because of this. I came up with this huge response from the lens of a master’s student (read: huge nerd) studying celebrity persona and authenticity, particularly how those components can create community and identification within musical subcultures. I felt like I didn’t really capture the essence of the question – my response sounds more like formal writing than anything else – but I wanted to share here just in case anyone might be interested in my rambling opinion piece.

Car Seat Headrest piqued my interest first because the music is just amazing (what other band would let me listen to a furry monologuing about weird sex for 5 minutes straight), then because I think the relationship between Will Toledo, his personal thoughts and experiences, and the public is an interesting one. The contents of Twin Fantasy are deeply personal; we hear Will sing about an idealized, but ultimately harmful relationship, the fantasy he’s created of his partner, and his struggles with being queer. For a lot of listeners, myself included, his self-disclosure in this album is part of what makes it great. The ideas we gather about who Will is and what he’s gone through guide our own interpretations of the music and form the basis for a fan culture that’s sprung up around CSH (See: Hansen).

But when you reach Will Toledo’s level of fame, it gets more difficult to navigate opening up about your private life. Your experiences are no longer purely your own; they’re left to the interpretation, analysis, and re-imagining of the general public. Will has expressed frustration with how personal narratives in TF have been interpreted, calling out a Rolling Stone writer for disseminating “a weird, gross, inaccurate representation of [his] personal life” (See: New York Times), and seems to be pulling back from the open approach of his earlier albums (the newest CSH drop is literally called Making a Door Less Open).

From an audience perspective, it seems like TF Face-to-Face might’ve been a turning point for Will, as nearly all his original works produced since then (with the exception of MADLO) have been from his jokey EDM side-project, 1 Trait Danger. With three concept albums out to date, the music of 1TD doesn’t follow the personal thoughts or actions of Will, but rather the fictional high-school antics of characters including Stoney Bologna, Cossett the bitcoin-stealing bully, and a derisive caricature of journalist Tim Schenectady. 1TD members Will and Andrew even perform as two of their characters (1 Trait and Stoney Bologna respectively), causing them to walk the line between musicians and character actors.  

You can clearly see the influence of 1TD on CSH’s 2020 album, Making a Door Less Open. I mean, come on – Will performs MADLO as Trait, an extremely recognizable bunny thing wearing a gas mask and neon orange jumpsuit. From the criticisms I’ve seen of MADLO, it seems that some people perceive the lyrical content as vapid or gimmicky, Trait as a redundant alter-ego of Will himself, and the project as a whole as an example of CSH “cannibalizing itself” (see: Pitchfork). But, to relate this to your topic, Toledo has clarified that the contents of MADLO/Trait character are meant to “take the focus off Will Toledo for once.” Even though some MADLO entries can be viewed as autobiographical (“Hollywood”), they just don’t provide the same level of personal disclosure as earlier works.

I think a key takeaway from this is that any deeply personal work of art will be subject to audience dissection, analysis, and at times, horribly incorrect interpretation. Will Toledo – who has essentially built his musical brand as intimate and authentic through CSH’s disclosive lyrics – will never be able to prevent audiences from conflating the ‘real Will’ with the idea of Will derived from his music. Because audiences genuinely believe they have access to the ‘real Will,’ the introduction of the Trait character could’ve been an attempt to form a stronger boundary between Will as himself and Will as Car Seat Headrest.

Obviously, posting these 800-some words of speculation make me no different than the rest. I can’t pretend to understand the motivations behind Trait, or MADLO, or Will’s interest in fursuiting (a different, but related, conversation) any more than any other fan of CSH. I just think it’s interesting to examine how Will might be renegotiating his personal disclosure and public persona as time goes on, particularly from an academic standpoint.

If anybody has any related thoughts, please drop a response or DM. I’m super interested in other perspectives on this topic, or even related thoughts on celebrity and fandom identity.  

[theawakenedstate]

This week’s episode is about Energy Work as a Whole. 

The thing about energy work that isn’t talked about enough is – it operates differently and has different rules than the physical paradigm. Vibration, Energetics, and frequency is a whole different convo than thinking the conditioning of Doing more = receiving more. (it doesn’t) Energetics operate from different rules as they are working with QUANTUM, not newtonian (cause and effort effect) This often looks like: breaking free from the old paradigm conditioning that has you believe that you’re creating from physical efffort alone – you are NOT. You are creating from energetic, mental, emotional, spiritual and physical through the mind-body connection magnetically.

If you want to get unstuck, heal an emotional pattern, manifest a desired outcome, you must begin working with the energetics , otherwise the pattern will NOT fully change. What I often see is, We want to create change, so we fundmentally don’t believe it can happen so our fear mind goes – I need to exert a ton of effort to get my result, so I push the energy forward myself physically – and then often we sabotage, and the pattern reverts…back to the old behavior/emotional response. Why does this happen? Because you were only working with the physical and didn’t change the internal state with energetic or mindset work. This is why we self-sabotage. 

This week’s episode is about: 

How Energy work helps us get unstuck and break patterns

If you’ve been feeling stuck, lost, in a negative pattern or emotional place – You need to take the time to listen to this one. It could change it all for you. 

this is the type of work we do here at The Awakened state and what i take my clients through. 

The answer lives in the vibration 

On this week’s episode: 

+  Awareness of Energy Work and how it’s different than traditional models of habit and change. 

+ The Perspective Shift you need to really *GET* energy work as as concept 

+ How & why you keep repeating patterns and what to do about it. 

In today’s episode, I want to introduce you to the power and awareness behind Energy Work’s effect on breaking patterns. This will shed a ton of light for you on how energy works differently than the more traditional model of taking physical action steps alone.

Enjoy!

Tune into the Youtube for the Full Download and Technique:

I’d love to know – What does the awareness of energy work bring up for you? Does this help you understand the difference? Let’s hear it below 👇 The answer lives in the vibration 🙏

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https://www.theawakenedstate.net/how-energy-work-breaks-patterns/

How Energy Work Breaks Patterns

This week’s episode is about Energy Work as a Whole.  The thing about energy work that isn’t talked about enough is – it operates differently and has different rules than the physical paradigm. Vibration, Energetics, and frequency is a whole different convo thanthinking the conditioning ofDoing more = receiving more. (it doesn’t) Energetics operate from different rules as they are […]

[existentialmagazine]

Review: Indie singer-songwriter Rae Charlea reflects on her childhood and relationship with her dad in new single ‘Father’

As an independent artist, the indie singer-songwriter Rae Charlea has always kept things personal, reigning with just two releases behind her that have resonated with many across the globe. With not just a dedicated fanbase but also coverage from numerous press, radio and playlisting, Rae has found her work continually reflecting not just her own but plenty of others’ innermost thoughts and feelings, carving a space to be real and without pressure to conform.

Now returning with her new single ‘Father’, Rae bares some of her most personal admissions to date, looking back on a lot of childhood trauma with the newfound perspective of adulthood. Taking hold of those intimate experiences and the way they’ve ultimately shaped the entirety of her life, ‘Father’ cathartically processes everything left unsaid, connecting with audiences worldwide that are equally seeking closure for a chapter still weighing heavy on them.

The acoustically-ladened soundscape slots perfectly into these confessional words, tenderly unfolding through gentle acoustic guitar strums alongside squeaky chord changes, offering an added hint of rawness even in the performance. A soft riff accompanies the easy-going strokes, together keeping things close to the heart and all the more impactful for it. Illuminated by a warmth and familiarity in Rae’s words, the soundscape glows as her higher-ranged but lightly sung lines carry an airiness to a message that’s a lot more burdened than she immediately portrays.

Working through the experience of her parents divorcing while she was young and her father’s abusive and alcoholic tendencies, ‘Father’ doesn’t sugarcoat an all-too-real lifetime of pain buried within. With even the opening like admitting, ‘wish I could turn back the time, to when we never met’, Rae isn’t afraid to share that the relative whom is supposed to love her most has instead been an agonising part of her life since stepping foot in it. Continuing to sing ‘bruises on my neck’ and ‘you didn’t protect me’, it’s alluded to that her relationship with her father is one that wasn’t just unloving or emotionally negligent, but physically damaging too. There’s a definite weight that lingers throughout because of this, a smothering fog of sound that rolls over your heart as you hear her share an experience that no one should have to deal with, but perhaps one that’ll relate to an audience much wider than you’d ever hope.

The utter contrast of her dad, a figure there to love and guide, instead being the source of such negativity is one that the words acknowledge and yet Rae’s sound seems to have developed such a strength and separation from in her own right: ‘said you were the one I fear the most.’ Even the word ‘were’ expresses so much, a clear boundary placed between herself and this stranger that never deserved to know her, showcasing so much of what she’s overcome and equally offering a hand to those that need a slither of her self-empowerment to get them through a similar darkness. As paired-back as it is, ‘Father’ is far from melancholic, it feels wholeheartedly safe and secure, speaking so openly of such devastation and yet still maintaining an ambience that can be called a respite.

As the song continues, added drawn-out electric guitar strings add a vastness to the sound, and an aching pull on your heart in their striking reverberations. Haunting backing vocals add an echoey depth to moments too, padding out some of the most prominent lines with an added intricacy and emphasis. Through its entire development, ‘Father’ stays stripped-back, but the longer it plays the more the sound finds itself in whimsical nods and even further pushed echoes of each instrument, creating a real wistful sense of what could’ve been, and everything Rae deserved to have that she so sadly never saw. Whether you can relate to these words yourself, or find yourself leaning into Rae’s authenticity, you should continue listening to ‘Father’ for yourself here to really understand what it has to give.

Written by: Tatiana Whybrow

Photo Credits: Unknown

// This coverage was supported and created via Musosoup, #SustainableCurator.

[gaitwae]

Could you write a fic where Loki and female reader switch bodies and have to stay like that until someone figures how to turn them back?

Comment/reblog!

Tag List: @make-me-imagine @bwemph @myraiswack @rorybutnotgilmore @loki-snape-our-hero @wolfish-trickster @lucywrites02 @mostly-marvel-musings @winterfrostsarmy @superheroesandstardust @castiels-majestic-wings @geekns @natandersonnla @cozy-the-overlord @megthemewlingquim @whatafuckingdumbass @thebookbakery @delightfulheartdream @twhiddlestonsstuff @lokistan @the-emo-asgardian @itscomplicatedx @sophlubbwriting @darkacademicfrom2021 @lilyofthesword @xlehukax @electroma89 @joucebox @high-functioning-lokipath @lokislittlesigyn @kingix-the-confused-earthling @nilavey @superfangirl-romanogers @funsized-mimi

Warnings: A disgusting amount of fluff.

“Oh, for the last time, darling! You shouldn’t be messing with spells you don’t know the first thing of,” Loki scoffed behind you, making you jump and snap his spellbook shut. It was an odd thing to remember that Loki even had a spellbook, but you had to learn new spells somewhere, right? You were just a simple mortal, and you had no use for things like magic on Midgard.

Or so he told you.

“I mean, yeah, but what’s it to you?” you mumbled, turning around to face him. “I wanted to go over a new spell with you, if that was okay.” You put your hands together in front of you and smiled up at your friend. You tried for your best smile, which ultimately caused him to cave.

“Fine,” he sighed. “Alright. But is it within the range we spoke of? What we just went over? I don’t want you to overwhelm yourself so soon in your learning. Some messes just don’t clean as well as the others do.” He put his nose in the air as if he was remembering just how uncleanable past messes had been. He took your hands. “Let’s do the spell. Hurry. I haven’t got all day and I truly don’t want to be stuck in some kind of situation we can’t sort out ourselves.”

“It sounds like you’re noncommittal,” you teased, reciting the spell you had just read out of the spellbook not even seconds before Loki opened the door and walked in on you.

“I can be plenty committed. Just not to your self-destructive need to be a sorcerer,” he said airily, speaking through the incantation; he didn’t even comment on it. 

If he had even heard it.

When you finished the rest of your incantation, the spell started to take hold. You became woozy, and so did Loki. You crashed into his arms, and he collapsed on the floor with you in his embrace. He smelled like mint and some kind of harsh cologne, but it fitted him. It was the last piece of consciousness you could hold onto before you awoke...

+-+--

“Hey, Lokes, are you awake? Hellloooo?” Tony’s voice came. It sounded far away. You stretched, and you could still pick up that cologne from where you laid. It was less intense than you thought it would be from hardly smelling it at all. You opened your eyes.

“Where am I?” you asked, and funnily enough, so did Loki. Odd choice of words.

“Stark!” someone called. You sat up to see who the person was, but your blood ran cold at the sight. “Stark, what happened? What has been done to me!? Where is—?” 

They stopped as well. There you were, your face, your voice, but... not you. You looked down at your hands. They weren’t yours. Your heart dropped significantly.

“How’s this even possible?” you asked, hearing Loki’s voice once again. “Am I—? Did we—?”

“Don’t do anything!” your voice came again, but littered with Loki’s speech pattern. “If you stain that Asgardian leather, I’ll—I’ll—”

“Oh, you’ll what?” you scoffed, standing. “I don’t even know how this happened! I’m surprised you haven’t started running your hands all over me!”

“Oh, please, we’re friends first,” you—Loki—mocked. Tony was staring at the two of you like you were talking about the finest boots to eat. He lifted a finger, but Loki raised a hand to stop him from even trying to speak. “It appears you’ve gotten us into a mess we cannot fix, haven’t you?”

“Will someone else have to change us back?” you asked. You stood, managed to walk over to Loki, and sat down. “I didn’t mean for us to... to...”

“Swapped,” Loki sighed. “We’re swapped. Either it’ll go away on its own or we’ll have to go to Asgard to convince my father to reverse us. How in the Nine did you find such a spell? It shouldn’t even be in the books!”

“Should I leave you two alone, then?” Tony asked. “Since, uh, you’re both acting extremely weird?”

“Yes,” you and Loki chorused. You crossed your arms and Loki mimicked you. Stark left quickly, leaving you two alone in the medical room, where only a blink ago you had been in a completely different room with Loki in his own body and you in yours.

Once he had shut the door, you watched your own body twist with Loki’s mannerisms and expressions. They turned to you and pushed your chest. You scoffed, gasping. “How could you even experiment with such a spell?!” they shouted. “We might be stuck like this forever! You made me mortal!”

“I wanted to swap our perspectives,” you admitted, gulping, “but I didn’t think it would lead to this!”

“What else could it have meant?!” Loki scolded. They put their hands in the air, then dropped them. They began pacing. “I’m stuck in your body! I may have wanted to hold it, but I certainly didn’t want to have it!” 

You bit your lip. “I didn’t want to have your body, either,” you mumbled. “I just wanted you to see how I look at you... I had thought...”

“Thought what? That suddenly I would fall for you? You’re out of luck there, mortal. It wouldn’t have gone the way you wanted it to,” Loki sighed, shaking their head. They sat on the cot where they had awakened from the spell. 

“I didn’t know you knew,” you said meekly. You looked down at your hands. Your heart was racing. It didn’t usually race when you spoke to Loki. The hands that had become yours, hopefully for a short period of time, were long and pale and so different from yours.

“How could I not, little mort—Y/N?” they asked. “It’s almost like watching someone sink into a depression; everyone can see it, but no one talks about it. I know you have feelings for me. I don’t blame you, though.”

“You don’t feel the same, do you?” you asked, sitting down on your cot. Loki shrugged. 

“I didn’t say that. I said I wouldn’t fall for you by seeing myself the way you do.” Loki picked at your nails. “Y/N, we shouldn’t be talking about this now, we should be finding a way to get out of each other’s bodies.”

You huffed a sigh. “We should ask Strange. He knows insane magic, and I doubt if I use your powers anything will change. I already botched this spell.” You laughed but stopped when you heard what it was. It wasn’t your laugh. It was odd. Laughter was determined by one’s body, so it made sense that it wouldn’t have been yours... 

“Oh! Brilliant idea!” Loki praised falsely. Clearly, they must have still been upset about the swapping bodies thing. 

You were disappointed in yourself for it, too. “Can we just go and see him? It’ll take no time at all.”

“He isn’t even home," they sighed, wiping their face with your hand. It was hard to watch. "Why must you be so perfect? Being so adorably shy that you cannot even ask me if I love you back?"

Your heart thumped. No, no. Loki's heart thumped for you. "...Don't mock me while you're in my body. I can still hurt you."

Loki narrowed their eyes. "You wouldn't."

"I so would!" you announced, crossing your arms and jutting your hip out.

"Hurting me goes against loving me, doesn't it?" Loki asked, slightly panicky. "You couldn't draw my blood, could you?"

"I won't draw blood," you promised. "I just have your daggers on my person, and I've never really cared for this stupid Asgardian leather..."

"This is going to be a long time waiting for Strange to be back, isn't it?" Loki groaned. You nodded happily. You scooped your own body to his body's chest.

"Oh, yeah. Swapped, for better or for worse."

[thefirstknife]

SIGH

Myelin released a video today arguing that Osiris is already dead. I disagree with most of his arguments and also am not a fan of some of them in particular and I want to address this in case people watch and are confused. And I assume people will ask questions about it. I think Myelin himself is also confused about certain things he mentioned and isn't interpreting them properly.

Disclaimer: obviously I am biased when it comes to this. I want Osiris to not die. This isn't an attempt to entirely disprove the theory that he may be dead already. Ultimately I don't know if he's dead. I'll do my best to look at it objectively and also address Myelin's points objectively.

I'll try to summarise Myelin's points and address them but you can always watch his video yourself to make sure I didn't interpret him wrong.

Now, Myelin's main point is that Osiris was possessed by Savathun instead of Savathun making a meat puppet/clone in his image or simply shapeshifting into him. His first proof is the Wolftone Draw bow lore. We've all read the lore and Myelin also reads the lore.

First, he wonders how Osiris is seeing what Savathun is doing. Obviously, we have no answer for this yet. Myelin's position is that this is proof of him being possessed and him trying to break through the possession. He also says that some of it seems like "Osiris views his own body in a third perspective." Which I agree with!

What I disagree with is Myelin saying this could mean Osiris' "physical body was destroyed" and that he may be floating around in some form similar to Toland. I'm not sure why complicate the matter in this way when the most obvious answer to this is simply that Savathun has created a clone or shapeshifted into a form of Osiris and the real Osiris is trapped somewhere. The lore seems to indicate this pretty clearly to me:

I cannot speak, cannot breathe, I reach for Sagira but then I remember… I form a fist but feel nothing, I am bound, and as I thrash the images cut fissures through my mind—

And:

She has stolen my form, my voice, but someone will see my failure and cast her out… they MUST—

These seem to me like he is somewhere and he is seeing through his clone's eyes at certain points. It would fit Savathun's MO to torture him in this way. She assumed his form and the real him is bound elsewhere, somewhere safe. I've said so before, and it turned out to be true: Savathun is using Osiris as a bargaining chip so possessing him would be much riskier to her plan than simply keeping him imprisoned somewhere where we can't get to him and where he can't break free from possession. It would make no sense for her to kill him.

As for how he's seeing things if he's not possessed: Savathun is THE Witch Queen. She has exhibited a wide array of magical and paracausal abilities, including the ability to shapeshift and watch others through objects and living beings. Osiris specifically says that he is "bound" and that the images of what she's doing "cut fissures through his mind" and that he's "thrashing," as well as asserting that Savathun "has stolen his form." If he's bound somewhere in her throne world, she may very well be using some sort of Hive magic to inflict images she wants him to see upon him. Just enough to allow him to know that he is a prisoner.

I'm not sure why Myelin only makes two positions: either he's in third perspective without a body like Toland OR he's possessed. The third option is right there: Savathun assumed his likeness.

That brings both Myelin and me to his next point which he positions as the "real turning point" for him. It's from the Chrysura Melo autorifle:

Savathûn, physical form a twisting instar, emerges from the shadows and crawls over the shattered pieces of the Ghost. She reaches toward the ruined man.

Myelin focuses on the bold part, a specific word: "instar." This is a nice catch btw, something I haven't noticed before. He describes what an "instar" is. Tw bugs for that link, but an instar is "a developmental stage of arthropods, such as insects, between each moult (ecdysis), until sexual maturity is reached." Savathun's physical form is described as a twisting instar at this point and Myelin says that she is in the stage of changing herself into a new form. He also says that in this form she "needs a new skin" and therefore steals the skin of Osiris aka possesses him.

But from all the googling and research I've done, I can't seem to find any examples of insect instars needing to acquire a new outside source to change their forms. They simply exist in one larval form (instar) and then change into another as they outgrow the previous one. They don't have to find another body or a host to inhabit.

Seeing as Myelin bases most of his theory on this specific word, I have to challenge that because this is simply not what that word means. Savathun, in the process of changing from one instar to another, doesn't have to possess Osiris. She simply has to change her form from one instar into another. It's still her and it's more likely that she looks to the real Osiris to use him as a model for what new form she will take.

This is why the Chrysura Melo lore page is describing "Osiris" as being uncertain on his legs and confused by human behaviours and slowly falling apart over months and months of existence: this is Savathun's instar in the shape of Osiris which is reaching the end of its lifespan and at the end of that lifespan, Savathun has to shed that instar and turn into another. Generally, moths have a few instar forms before turning into a cocoon and then later emerging out as moths. This is a nice page with pictures, but again, tw for bugs. She has clearly reached the end of her Osiris-instar and shed it away when Mara trapped her in a chrysalis cocoon where Savathun is continuing to grow, like a moth, to eventually assume the form we see in The Witch Queen. Some examples that, to me, allude to Savathun existing in a Osiris-instar and how that shape is unfamiliar to her:

Osiris takes a shaky step forward.

...

He passes the bottle, and Osiris, hands numb, puzzles at it. His mouth hangs in a half-smile before he takes a long drink, slaking a bone-deep thirst.

...

When Saint places a hand on his forearm, Osiris holds impossibly still just to see what the other man will do.

...

Osiris stumbles as he walks through the Last City.

Savathun is describing her life as Osiris and it's clear, from this and other huge amount of lore, that she was very unfamiliar with the human form and that, at the end, it started falling apart on its own. Which is what would happen to a instar of an insect, forcing it to switch into a new stage. In Ripe, she also specifically states "I am ready earlier than anticipated." In the same lore page, she also mentions a lot of really weird descriptions of how her "form" is dissolving essentially and "I clench the gangling black mass that threatens to unspool recklessly from within this shell of flesh. My new arms are too thin, too weak. My new shell still bound with thick mucus." She's barely holding it together. I'm not sure why Osiris' real human body would've been doing this.

There's another aspect from Ripe and that is that she mentions her worm inside of her:

I feel this form splitting beneath its wrappings, held together weakly by wet strands of sinew. And from deep inside, stirred by that latest scrap of deception, I hear the oily growl of the Worm.

This is how we know that her Osiris-form is her. Otherwise, Osiris' real body would've been possessed by Savathun who also holds her worm and that's more than convoluted. What we're looking at, presumably, is Savathun's instar which always has a worm at the center and evolves into other forms around the worm itself.

I'm sorry if this is rambly, but I just really can't see how possession would be possible, especially when based on insect morphology. As a last addition to the whole "instar" business which seems to be the center of Myelin's theory, I want to take a look at the word itself. It's a Latin word, and well... :

īnstar n sg (indeclinable, no genitive)

image, likeness, resemblance

counterpart

worth, value

an equal form (of)

of equal weight/size/form (to)

By the Traveler this can't be happening. Once again I am caught in the euphoria of analysing Latin words being used in Destiny. By all definitions, except maybe number 3, this alludes to a clone. An image of something. Resembling something. A likeness. Counterpart. An equal form of...

Savathun's insect-instar form fashioned in the likeness of Osiris. Not Savathun infecting Osiris: Savathun morphing herself into a counterpart of his form.

With that whole thing done, Myelin focuses on the infamous sidearm Spoiler Alert. It has a description which is just: "Someone is going to die." Myelin uses this as proof that, well, someone is going to die because the last time this gun was issued, Cayde died.

The problem here, even if we're taking this as a serious lore hint, is the timeline. Originally, Spoiler Alert was issued in Warmind. Cayde-6 died in the expansion after Warmind.

Spoiler Alert being issued in Season of the Lost would then be an equivalent of telling us someone is going to die in The Witch Queen expansion.

What does that have to do with Osiris? The position Myelin takes in this whole video is that Osiris is already dead. Not that he will die in The Witch Queen: that he has already died, perhaps at the start of this season when Savathun transformed off-screen OR even further back, at the end of Immolant, when she possessed him. This makes no sense with his other position, that Osiris is observing what Savathun is doing: how, if he's dead and why would we even get this lore if he's dead?

Most of all, Spoiler Alert, if it's alluding to a future death of a major character, cannot allude to Osiris having died before the gun was re-issued OR to him dying literally on the day the gun was re-issued. What kind of a warning is that? If they really wanted to allude to Osiris dying with this gun, the gun would've had to have been re-issued in Season of the Splicer as the final possible season to "warn us."

If Spoiler Alert is telling us some important character will really die, it's telling us this will happen in The Witch Queen. I can't imagine a situation where we save Osiris in this season and then he dies in the next expansion. Kinda pointless plotline. And it also does not fit with the rest of the video which is telling us that Osiris is already dead and Savathun is bluffing about having him as a bargaining chip. I am also not in favour of the theory that we will not find the real Osiris this season and that this plotline will stretch into The Witch Queen because that would be almost a year of grappling with the same plot of "we have to find Osiris." So whatever happens to Osiris, we will know this season. Which means the Spoiler Alert gun is of no relevance to the outcome of the Osiris plot.

The next point Myelin makes is the cutscene from week 1 of Savathun talking to us. He focuses on the image of Osiris looking kinda dead, with moths flying around him and one moth coming out of his mouth. This image is a better argument than any of the above because the imagery here is very clear. No room to misinterpret this really, we literally see Osiris being half-skeletal with a moth coming from his mouth.

However, if we take the position that Savathun made a clone, then the "dead" Osiris in this image is just that clone being dead after it fell apart and Savathun had to transform. The moth coming out of his mouth is probably what this is supposed to symbolise: Savathun outgrowing her Osiris-instar and assuming a new form, currently cocooned in Mara's chambers.

Not to mention that she literally says she "assumed his shape." Not "took his body." She "assumed his shape" to be "more pleasing to our eyes" so she could "guide our victory" against Xivu Arath. Obviously she couldn't guide us if she looked like the Hive. Instead, she morphed into a shape that looks like Osiris and kept him to herself, possibly for information as well as a bargaining chip.

The next part is something I heavily dislike as a point from Myelin.

He starts by saying how there's a trope in movies where you get attached to a character and you just have a feeling that something bad is going to happen to them because the narrative is making you form a bond with that character. And at first I thought he'll say that the narrative has been doing this with Osiris, which is WEIRD, due to how generally disliked he is in the fandom, mostly due to people misunderstanding him, but also due to other reasons which have resurfaced ever since he's been officially confirmed as a gay man in a relationship with Saint.

And of course, Myelin is not talking about Osiris at all. He's talking about Saint. He's saying that the narrative made us attached to Saint and that "they are setting up Saint-14 to lose Osiris." This is aggravating in several ways.

One, that trope about being attached to a character is generally about the character that is going to die. Bungie didn't make us get attached to Cayde so they can kill off Ikora. They made us attached to Cayde and then killed off Cayde. Making us attached to Saint-14 to kill off Osiris is completely disregarding Osiris as a character in his own right and Osiris is by far THE most powerful and important Guardian that has ever lived. To boil him down to an accessory of Saint's story is not just disrespectful to Osiris, it's just utterly wrong.

And second, essentially fridging Osiris for Saint's manpain is just homophobia. As far as I know, Myelin is not a gay man so him making this point is simply homophobic. We do not need Osiris to die to see Saint's pain and drive for vengeance against Savathun. Bungie has made that clear. It's actually never been clearer just how much Saint suffers right now, in how much pain he is and how angry he is.

It's been shown in the voice lines in the main quest, in the cutscene at the start of the season, in the week 2 radio transmission, in voice lines during various activities, in voice lines from other people talking about him (most notably Ikora saying he's "tearing up the system to find real Osiris") and in various lore tabs. We truly do NOT need more affirmation to how much Saint is suffering. We surely don't need to ramp up the angst by killing Osiris off in order to send Saint into a more of a frenzy. His frenzy is already known and already underway. The man has tried breaking into Savathun's chamber to kick her ass already. He is "tearing the system apart." He is broadcasting live. He went on a mission with Mithrax to find Sagira's remains and the most likely place where Osiris went missing. The man is already on a crusade.

I don't think he needs to learn that Osiris has died somewhere, alone, months ago in order for us to see his pain. Or to cause more pain to us, the players. It's simply a completely insensitive way of looking at a story of two gay men who have been through enough suffering already.

I know people dislike and misunderstand Osiris. I know people absolutely adore Saint. I know people would get a kick out of seeing Saint going feral instead of him behaving in a very trope-shattering way by plugging holes in the Wall and feeding pigeons and singing songs to the children of the City.

I think those people don't understand Saint nor do they appreciate him as he is. They certainly have no respect for the man he loves or for their relationship that transcends time, space and reality. And if Saint knew that, he would definitely go feral on their ass first and foremost.

I'd like to think that Season of the Lost is a direct mirror of Season of Dawn. Two very important turning points in Destiny's story that are led by an undying love between Osiris and Saint-14. Just as Osiris risked it all and we all supported him in getting Saint back, right now we are all supporting Saint and risking it all to get Osiris back.

And as an important note, the story so far has been very clear to explain to us that we're looking for "the real Osiris." This is what this whole season is based on. We want real Osiris back. This alone disproves the theory of possession, but it also highlights that this season is about saving someone we've lost. Ending the season that's based on trying to find Osiris by telling us "oh he's dead" seems to be very much narratively senseless.

Speaking of narratively senseless, Osiris' death would not make sense yet. His arc isn't over. His questions and plotlines aren't over (and he has raised many of them in Immolant, which hasn't been followed up on because he got kidnapped). And speaking of Immolant, there is the following, from Sagira:

"Shut up! Listen to my words!" Her iris is bright with Light. "There are great things still left for you; don't lose hope in the darkness." She is luminant.

Osiris breathes the word, as if he could hold it back: "No." He would understand in time. She had seen it.

This seems like a pretty strong implication that his story is far from over. It would be quite a bummer if this was completely ignored and we're delivered Osiris' dead body at some point during this season.

Of course, I'm not discouting the possibility that Osiris will never be the same after this. It's likely that there will be lasting consequences if he's alive.

I am also not discounting the possibility that Osiris may as well be dead. I want to make that clear. It's possible. But I did my best to make a somewhat coherent analysis of why that is probably not the case and why Myelin's position in particular is flawed. And as I said at the start, I definitely am biased in a way that makes me hope that Osiris is not dead. I fully understand that and would not be opposed to people pointing out flaws in my argument if there are any. I am, genuinely, trying to be as objective as possible with this though, but as always, I could end up being wrong in the end.

And that is my TED talk.

[love-takes-work]

When someone toxic needs a friend

I just wanna add a little personal reflection to the discussion of Spinel’s treatment in Steven Universe: The Movie.

A few signposts so you know where I’m starting with this:

A criticism I’ve seen: 

Steven was not particularly warm to Spinel. He did not hug her. He did not offer to be her friend. He spoke carelessly and triggered her toward becoming murderous again. He only cared about what she could do for him.

A perspective I��ve seen: 

LOTS of people with borderline personality disorder or strong feelings about abandonment personally relate to Spinel and are critical of Steven from this perspective.

Rebecca Sugar’s commentary on Spinel:

The thing about Spinel is that she’s a really toxic person. 

She’s so toxic that she’s literally trying to poison people. 

In my interactions with friends who have had a history difficult enough to make it hard for them to trust other people and sometimes even actively want to hurt others, it’s just a very difficult situation to navigate. In the case of Spinel and all of these characters, that’s extremely exaggerated because cartoons have the ability to be extreme exaggerations. I wanted to explore what it’s like when you’re trying to help someone who really doesn’t want to help themselves, who wants to embody the negative feelings that they have about themselves. I think that’s something really real. I hadn’t seen that in a cartoon before. 

Spinel, unlike many other characters, actually has the goal of hurting people, which is new territory for the show. She really wants to hurt Steven, and there’s a reason that she does—because she’s in so much pain. I just wanted to explore all the dimensions of that.

I also think Steven has his way of trying to handle and dissolve conflict. It’s not necessarily a good way for him to handle this situation. It really leaves him in a difficult state, and I think what I wanted to show in the way that they interact is that at a certain point, when you can’t help someone, you have to be able to protect yourself. 

Ultimately, he can’t really convince her to change. It’s something she’ll have to want for herself. But what he can do is protect himself from her, making it impossible for her to hurt him. 

It’s sort of up to you if you would like to love her. If you watch this movie and she, you know, frustrates you, that is totally fair. I want that to be a big part of who she is.

[From the AV Club interview]

So here are a few things I want to shed light on.

It’s very interesting that Rebecca intended Spinel to be read as “a toxic person” because so many fans fell in love with her, said they’d be her friend, hated intensely on Pink Diamond because of what she did to abandon the poor Gem, and sympathized with her directly. But Rebecca was looking at Spinel from Steven’s perspective. And that’s also what I did.

I’ve been Steven. I have VERY much been Steven.

When you meet someone who was done dirty, when you recognize the horror they’ve been through, when you see how much pain they are in and agree they have the right to be angry, it’s natural for empathetic people to offer themselves as comfort.

But when you’re Steven, you also know it isn’t YOUR fault either. Before you have the ability and experience to set boundaries, you can get sucked into other people’s stormy waters and think you’re helping if you drown in solidarity with them. What’s really important to preserving yourself is learning that you can stand on the boat and toss a life preserver. That it doesn’t ACTUALLY HELP to jump in the water and sink with them.

Some folks are angry that Steven didn’t jump right into sacrifice himself on the altar of friendship in the service of an intense, literally murderous stranger who tried to poison him and his planet and lash out at his friends, robbing them of their rich pasts and their relationships because all of it hurt HER so much. It is SO easy to understand WHY SPINEL WAS ANGRY. But nothing she was doing to Steven, his friends, or the Earth was going to fix her problems, and furthermore, she FULLY UNDERSTOOD that it was NOT THE FAULT of any of the people she took her anger out on. It was irrational, yes, and that is part of her dysfunction. But also, in these situations, what helps explain it still does not excuse it.

Some have railed at Steven saying he somehow forgave genocidal tyrants like the Diamonds but couldn’t be friends with a damaged Gem like Spinel who just wanted friendship. The big difference there is that Steven got involved with the Diamonds when both parties believed he was a different person. The Diamonds believed he was the lost Pink Diamond, and Steven has also spent much of his superhero life believing he WAS his mother and was therefore obligated to accept punishment for her crimes or to clean up the messes she made. Now that he knows he is not her and that she did some pretty horrible stuff, he also wants the right to stop feeling responsible for every person Pink hurt in the entire region of space.

Steven gave Spinel basically compassionate treatment. He did not abuse her. He did not insult her. He occasionally coddled her when it seemed important (and though some said he was too businesslike while he pursued his mission, he was literally looking at the world ending within two days if he didn’t solve the problem). And most importantly . . . .

He let her leave the garden.

Spinel stayed in the garden all those millennia because Pink Diamond told her they were playing a game. All that time, she had visions of Pink returning so she could see her smile, hear her laughter. We see a sequence where she tried to follow Pink out of the garden and Pink manipulated her into staying willingly. We watch those feet leaving and one pair of feet staying behind. We see Pink disappear.

When Steven goes to leave the garden, Spinel follows in the same manner. Some have criticized him for letting go of her hands.

But he invited her out of the garden. He didn’t say stay. He said come with me.

As he sang about her deserving someone better, he was sincere. But he did not say the person to make her feel found should be him. He did not want to take on another person with thousands of years of baggage who would require a specific brand of attention and so much tenderness to avoid snapping. He did not allow her to be held by the hand and led out. He recognized that she needed encouragement to leave this place because of what was done to her, but he wanted her to take the steps.

Compassionate people are crushed all the time under the weight of needy people who make it hurt to love. People like Steven can acknowledge that Spinel deserves love and deserves to be happy without accepting that it’s heartless to stop short of personally doing it. Especially when you literally have to take physical, mental, and emotional damage as a general consequence of offering support and counseling. It is sometimes just beyond what you can do.

I made the mistake several times of getting very close to someone who treated me poorly while taking comfort in my presence. I cared that they were hurt and I didn’t know how to say “You deserve love” without stepping in and loving them. In EVERY case I was involved with, the person went from initially grateful to “why don’t you help me more?” shockingly quickly, and two of them deliberately tried to create situations where I would be trapped with them and isolated from others. 

I could get very personal here but I don’t think I need to. Those of us who relate all too well to Steven wanting to help others will have been in this situation. Your heart hurts for people who live with pain that has never touched you, but when they’ve made it clear with one of their first actions that they feel satisfied at the idea of ruining your life, trusting them could mean the end of you. Especially if they demand that you risk life and limb to fix and save them before you’d dare to call it love, and especially if they want to be fixed without feeling responsible for initiating any of it. Some people mistake suffering for working hard toward a goal. Both can hurt but only one is constructive. If I’m expected to spend extensive resources on someone, I need some partnership in the goal, and I can’t accomplish that with someone whose wish for companionship manifests as “I want you to feel as bad as I do, and will take steps to hurt you so I have someone to cry with.”

Steven risked his actual life while he didn’t have powers so he could go talk to Spinel, and he wouldn’t fight her when she wanted to fight. He protected himself while she spent her anger. He STILL put himself in the line of fire far more than a less compassionate person would. He took time and tenderness to listen to her story and sympathize with her, tell her she deserved better, bear witness to what she’d become after being treated like a discarded plaything, and bring her hope with promises of a new future and a way to feel found.

Sadly, Spinel flipped back to being murderous at the first sign that Steven might be about to prioritize someone other than her, reframing his reasonable needs as if he was planning to abandon her, isolate her, discard her. This was a trauma reaction, yes, and she isn’t entirely to blame for being upset because she was worried she was just being used and none of her actions were logically thought through. 

But does someone ever “deserve” the friendship of a specific person who can’t feel warm toward them because of their OWN bad experiences? 

No! 

Steven has a big heart but he has his very own huge storehouse of trauma, and being physically attacked with his family and planet put in danger over the actions of his mother is at the top of the list. Instead of assuming that the person who has trauma the loudest is the most hurt, can’t we just acknowledge that Spinel’s and Steven’s respective traumas make them NOT the best match for friendship?

The ending of the movie, with Spinel going off with the Diamonds, might seem a little disturbing with all the codepencency floating around there, but if you want to talk about compassion, I think this is a good place for Spinel to start. 

She just wanted to make Pink Diamond laugh and enjoy her life. She longed to do that for so long and then it all ended when she found out she would NEVER GET TO DO IT. I think bonding with the other Diamonds and having a familiar, safe place to experience the kind of love she’s used to will be a good FOUNDATION for building herself into a person beyond that. For now, she needs comfort. I hope they treat her well.

[queenangella]

How did you feel about shadow weavers sacrifice? I don’t think it redeemed her, but I also think that was the point. And she basically resisted everything she ever wanted for adora and catra, so she gets brownie points for that!

Hm. It’s been a full day and I’m still not quite sure how I feel about it.

Before season 5 started, I was absolutely convinced that Shadow Weaver:

had only ever sought power for herself at the expense of others,

did not love Adora–or if she did, it was a twisted form of affection since she knew Adora would one day be powerful, and

never loved Catra. 

I think these were pretty character-consistent conclusions based on her actions as a sorceress in Mystacor, her whole history with Adora and Catra, her heartbreaking betrayal of Catra in season 2, and how quickly she shifted her sights to Glimmer (and her power) in season 3.

Importantly: She never expressed any regret for her actions.

Even up to the end. 

She actually thought she was a good guy, and after this sacrifice she might be regarded as one… which is just… ugh. I don’t like it. 

It’s true she does give up the Heart’s power and sacrifices herself for Adora and Catra, but seriously, she was never going to go back for Catra of her own volition. The only reason she did is because Adora left to save Catra, and so Shadow Weaver went to save Adora. That, or she was just trying to make sure the failsafe Adora was carrying made it to the Heart. 

Either way, they’re more altruistic intentions than we’ve ever seen from her, which I suppose is… something.

Shadow Weaver has some kind words for Catra, even tells her she’s proud of her, which is all Catra ever wanted–but after all the years of being told otherwise, those words are hollow. (I haven’t had it half as bad as Catra did, but I can still tell you that much.)

Still, when it’s something you’ve wanted for so long… yeah, it’ll make you emotional. Especially when Catra and Adora have seemed to care far more for Shadow Weaver than she did for them.

Except in this final case. (Possibly.)

Honestly, I’m not sure where the turnaround came from. Based on Shadow Weaver’s actions in seasons 1 through 4, this came out of left field for me–and I’m not a giant fan of the “suicidal redemption” trope. It almost always feels like a cop-out, and I don’t like the way it robbed Adora and Catra of the chance to move past Shadow Weaver and her abuse on their own terms. 

Either way, she’s gone, and I certainly won’t miss her.

(P.S. check out this extremely good post-s5 fic my friend wrote. It deals a little bit with how Catra might process Shadow Weaver’s sacrifice.)

[juniorgman187]

Something Borrowed, Something Blue (Reid Fic)

*MY GIF

Summary: Despite her engagement to someone else, Spencer grapples with the reality that he’s in love with SSA Reader when he sees her in her wedding dress.

A/N: I am so fucking proud of Spencer’s speech that I wrote.  Playlist: Till Forever Falls Apart by Ashe + FINNEAS This song hurts so good :,) Category: Fluffy happy ending! Pairing: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid Content Warning: possible unrequited love, soft angst  Word Count: 6k

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　

Call it a superpower or a sixth sense, but I had this inexplicable, preternatural ability to detect when we weren’t heading in the right direction - a skill unaffected by even shut eyes or the deepest slumber. 

It seems as though after all these years of being (y/n)’s passenger, my body has developed a survival adaptation in order to offer her guidance before she would even have to ask, or worse - lower her pride and admit she’s lost! 

With as hard-headed as she is, she’d sooner drive us to Timbuktu before asking me for help.

I was half-asleep when I peeked through one half-lidded eye to observe where we were only to see she blew right by Gregory Boulevard when she should’ve turned left on it. 

“Um, you should make a u-turn at this next light,” I gently advised her before returning my head to its previous position perched on my hand. I closed my eyes again with the presumption she would follow my navigation and make a u-turn, but when I didn’t feel the car change course, I opened them to see that she blew right past the stoplight, too. 

“Hey, my apartment’s that way.” I gestured behind us while looking at her for the first time, catching a smug look on her face. That’s when I knew I was in for it. “Where are you taking me?” 

“You’ll see.” 

“You know I don’t like surprises,” I grumbled, slumping back into my seat with partially renewed energy. Her little antics never failed to get my heart racing. I never knew whether to expect a sweet sunset or a sea of snakes when it came to her. She was that polarizing. “Can I at least get a hint?” I egged on, considering she had yet to even reply to my first statement. 

She was completely unfazed by my pleading. She didn’t even peel her eyes away from the road - that’s how little attention she thought I deserved. “Mmm depends. What’s the magic word?” 

This blatant tease was successfully getting a rise out of me. “Pleaseee,” I dragged out the word as if it would do me any good to let her hear it for longer, but in reality, she just liked to hear me beg. 

She took a sharp intake of breath through gritted teeth, a chupse, to express her displeasure before saying, “Ooh tough luck. The magic word was actually mushroom, but nice try.” 

A mirthless chuckle escaped me for willingly falling for her tricks despite knowing she’d pull something just like that. This girl was the bane of my existence, but at least she still rewarded me with a hint anyway. 

“Your hint is …” While pondering what hint to give me, her eyes traveled to the side, away from the road long enough to make my heart palpitate in a “if-she-doesn’t-pay-attention-to-the-road, we’re-both-gonna-die” kind of way. 

“... something old.” 

Again, she tore her eyes away from the road so she could register my reaction, but truthfully, I didn’t have one. I had no idea what that hint meant. Or rather I had too many ideas, far too many to limit to just one. 

She could’ve been talking about the age of a location, the history of a place, the vintage appearance of something - virtually anything.

“There’s an infinite amount of possibilities about what that could mean,” I argued. “If you actually want me to guess, you’ll have to give me something more.” 

As expected, she was not a fan of my whining and simply rolled her eyes at me. “Oh, stop complaining and use that big brain of yours. I’m sure you’ll figure it out before we even get there.” 

Although there was a high probability she was right that I could’ve solved it by myself, it was more enticing to feed off of what she could give me. “What if I ask you ‘yes or no’ questions?”

The gears in her head were turning as she weighed the pros and cons of humoring my offer. “You better ask some good questions then,” was her answer, which was the long way of saying yes. 

“Is this ‘something old’ an object?”

She hesitated, then decided on, “No.” So I took that as maybe. 

“Is this ‘something old’ a place?” 

There was no indecision with this answer. “No.” 

“Is this ‘something old’ as in appearance?” 

Again, a partial hesitation, but still ultimately a, “No.”

Realizing I pretty much exhausted the tangible, I settled for something more abstract. “Is this ‘something old’ a concept?”

“Yes, you could say that.” 

Her answer would prove to be redundant, as just seconds after we would arrive at our mystery destination. 

Ellie’s Bridal Boutique. 

“Something old, something new. Something borrowed, something blue.” I recited to myself under my breath when I finally unearthed the meaning. The rhyme was a wedding tradition that referred to the things a bride is supposed to wear on her wedding day that’s meant to provide protection and prosperity for the new couple - a superstition.

“Ding! Ding! Ding!” She mimicked the sound of a winning buzzer. “And you are going to be my something old.” 

A short chuckle left me as I stepped out of the car. “Oh yeah? What are you gonna do - wear me?” I jested. 

“Well you are a very pretty boy, but I don’t know if you’re pretty enough to wear down the aisle.” 

“So then how am I going to be your something old? I’m only two years older than you.” 

She stopped dead in her tracks on the sidewalk to reach for my hand. I’d be lying if I said the chilling warmth of it didn’t make my breath hitch. My eyes fell to where our bodies met, but they rose to look at her again when she finally spoke. 

“You’re the very first person I met when I started working in the BAU, which makes you my oldest friend on the team, and since you were the first one that saw me, I wanted you to be the first one that saw me in my dress, too.” 

I was already aware that she’d picked out her wedding gown months before, so this appointment couldn’t have been anything more than an alteration update. The only reason I knew that, besides the obvious, was because I could still remember with perfect clarity the morning she came into work after her fitting. She marched right up to my desk to wave a picture of her in the garment right in my face. It wasn’t until I drew back with my head that I could see the image clearly. The dress, while incredibly stunning on her, ‘didn’t fit right’ - her words, not mine. 

“But that’s not how it’s actually gonna look on me. I asked them to take in the waist, change the neckline, and alter the length.” She vividly described to me, letting her finger run over the digital photo of the dress as she spoke. “Do you see what I mean?”

I lied when I said, “Yeah, I do,” because really, I didn’t need her to describe the details to me - I could already see the vision. Even if the dress was the wrong color, length, and ‘poofiness,’ I’d still think she’d look lovely. 

It was my only hope that her future husband would think so, too. 

“I’m (y/n) (y/l/n). I’m here for my alteration with Reagan at 4.” Just as quickly as she introduced herself to the receptionist, she was being whisked away by an older woman who seemed to have recognized her. 

“Oh, (y/n)! It’s so good to see you again! Come, come, your dress is ready. I just know you’ll love it.” 

Before she slipped out of my vision completely, (y/n) turned around to address me. “I’ll be right back, I promise. Just wait here.” 

I raised my hand in the air to give a short acknowledgment goodbye and followed her instruction to sit in the chair that lied directly in front of a circular raised platform. 

“Are you the groom?” A soft voice from beside me suddenly asked. I looked up to see it was the receptionist holding a tray with a glass of champagne. 

“Oh, I’m okay thank you,” I denied the alcohol with a shake of my head. “And no, no I’m not. Just an … an old friend.” Again, her words, not mine. 

It would come as a surprise to both me and you that with as much as I know about the world, I had no idea how long this would take before I saw her again. With my estimates, it should take maybe fifteen minutes maximum before she walked out in her dress, but who knows? It’s (y/n) after all. She runs on her own clock. The sun rises and sets on her. 

At least in my world it does. 

By around minute 17, I realized my estimates were way off and there was no way she’d be coming out any time soon, so with all that I could do in that store having been done already, the only thing left for me to do was read. Nothing of quality, though. Just those frivolous bridal magazines on the coffee table beside me. I didn’t even want to think about the germs and bacteria that were harboring on these reading materials, but if it meant it’d cure my boredom then perhaps the contraction of microbes would be worth it. 

To say I wasn’t well-versed in fashion would be an understatement and reading the subscriptions only emphasized that further. To put it in perspective, you could style my future bride in a medieval frock and it wouldn’t discourage me whatsoever because I simply have no understanding of what a ‘good’ wedding dress is, therefore, I cannot make an accurate comparison. 

Take, for example, the dress on page 17 of Modern Bride. The model was donning a high neck, long sleeve creme satin dress. I thought it looked quite nice and classic, but the excerpt described it as totally out of style and too old - a faux pas.

But when comparing that dress to the gown on page 24 of The Bride’s Guide, I couldn’t spot a single difference between the two, yet this passage was written in complete adoration. “This dress is vintage done right,” said the article. But to me - they were exactly identical! What was wrong with the first one?

Maybe it was a good thing grooms weren’t allowed to help pick wedding dresses because if I had to assist my bride in picking her’s, then, of course, it would be bad luck! I’d probably pick something utterly horrendous!

I had to admit it was slightly humiliating to confront my incompetence relating to wedding dresses, so before my self-esteem plummeted any further, I set the magazines back in their rightful place on the coffee table so they could once again be what they were always intended for - extraneous decor. 

With a flick of my watch, I noted the period of waiting had only increased by three minutes. Again, I had yet to master the art of wedding garment fittings, but how was 20 minutes not enough time to put a dress on? However, unlike my better half, I had (relatively) zero problems admitting my ignorance, whereas she’d rather drive us off a cliff or into a lake before letting me know she was lost. 

In surrender to my lack of knowledge, I rose from my seat to approach the receptionist and ask if she had a more accurate estimate for how long it would be until I saw (y/n) again. But as it turns out, any estimate she might’ve been able to tell me would’ve been completely wrong for she wouldn’t have even been able to finish her answer before the aforementioned future bride entered the space behind me. 

Remember before when I said I had no gauges of good fashion to outrank a medieval frock? Well, I stand corrected. 

(Y/n) in her dress is what I will measure everyone against. And no one will ever compare. 

“Wow…” The word came out of my mouth before I could think to stop it. My tone was so honest that it scared me. “I’m - You’re …” I was at a total loss for words that I had to sit back down to hopefully regain some clarity. She laughed at my stupidity with a laugh so gentle, I couldn’t not laugh back. 

“That good, huh?” 

I wordlessly nodded while my mouth lied openly in waiting. But the right words never came out; there just weren’t any that could capture this vision of perfection in front of me. 

My mannerisms had clearly already given away the true level of my admiration, so in an effort to lessen the enormity of my obvious wonderment, I reluctantly broke my gaze away from the angel in white and picked up a magazine on the table to perfect the notion of nonchalance. 

“You look . . .” She impatiently waited for my addition, even doing the most adorable little twirl in her dress to give me the full view in the meantime. “Nice,” was the adjective I settled for, as it was such a thoughtless response that perhaps it would convince her that there weren’t a million thoughts on my mind. The most recurring one, and arguably the most troubling one being: I think I’m in love with you. 

“Nice?” She repeated like the word stung her tongue, more out of mock offense than earnest disappointment. “You’re reading your magazine upside down so it’s gotta be better than nice.”

I bashfully looked down to find that, sure enough, her words were true. The magazine was upside down and therefore a total revelation of just how ‘nice’ I really thought she looked.

I tried to hide my smile behind my knuckles as I pressed a fist to my lips, deciding on the most sincere compliment I could give her. 

“Nobody holds a candle to you, (y/n),” I nodded in affirmation. “You look absolutely beautiful.”

After saying so, I nonchalantly - well as nonchalantly as one could when caught slack-jawed and completely in awe - reoriented the catalog. Had I glanced up even a second later, I might not have caught her reaction to my words and the way they made her smile uncontrollably. I looked back down at the magazine with a smirk, giving it a brief flick to open up the pages all the way to me and parrot the motions one would make if they were actually reading.

We both knew I wasn’t though. 

It seemed I never left that wedding boutique because even as we arrived outside my apartment later that day, my mind was still there, stuck on the future bride in her gown.

“Earth to Spencer!” She waved her hand in front of me to grab my attention despite already having it. “We’re here!” She announced. Who was I kidding? She always had my attention. I only wish it didn’t take me this long to realize that the reason she was constantly at the front of my mind was that I loved her.

Nearly about to exit the car, the millionth and one thought rang in my head like a bell - wedding bells, if you will. 

Speak now or forever hold your peace.

At a tantalizingly slow speed, I released the doorknob and turned back towards her.

“...I love you.”

She furrowed her brows and shrugged with her mouth, forming a confused pout. “I love you, too, Reid?” She kind of laughed when she said it, so I knew she thought this was just a friend sending off a friend goodbye, but I couldn’t let her think that’s what I meant. 

“No, not like that.” I clarified with the utmost candor. “I’m in love with you.” I shook my head when I said it which, in any other context, might make you think I was lying, but the shake of my head was merely the physical manifestation of every bone in my body knowing I shouldn’t be saying this, but my heart still having the audacity to do it anyway. 

I confessed with that brutally honest tone again, the one so raw and vulnerable it leaves you nauseous and breathless all at once as you anxiously anticipate the other person’s response to your vulnerability. But I couldn’t even meet her eyes, I was too scared. Even if I had, they would’ve been vacant. Her spirit had vanished from her body, and in its departure left just the shell of a woman who was completely void of color. Her flushed face was a remnant of the shock that paralyzed her and it wouldn’t disappear even as I tried to bring her color back. 

“I’m so sorry, (y/n). I wish I had better timing - trust me, I will beat myself up later for not saying it sooner. But I promise you, I am not trying to ruin things between you two and I would never actually try to stand in the way of your wedding - you have to believe me. I want you to be happy and if he’s what makes you happy, then I will live with that. I just had to tell you now because ... if you married him without ever knowing how I felt, I wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself.”

This was true - I wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself if I hadn’t said anything - but now that I have - will she be able to forgive me?

Vacant stares turned into piercing glares that drove, what felt like, a thousand daggers right through my heart. She was looking at me as though I were a stranger - completely unrecognizable to her. 

(Y/n), it’s me. It’s Spencer. Don’t you remember me? My heart pleaded. I’m still the same guy I was before. I’m the first friend you made on the team, remember? I’m your something old. Please, please remember me. 

By the time I came to the woeful conclusion that she wouldn’t reply, at least not now, there was only one question weighing on my heart heavily enough to make me ask it before I left her car. 

“Would it have been better if I didn’t tell you?” 

My question stayed answerless even as I lingered at the door after getting out, waiting for one. I knew I should’ve closed it, but I couldn’t. In many ways, it would’ve been shutting the only open vessel to her, formally closing myself off from our friendship. The possibility of losing her as soon as I walked away was too real, and I wasn’t ready yet.

“Please, (y/n), talk to me.” It was a trending theme to have every word I spoke be underlined by this profound piteousness. “Say something.” Say anything.

“I ... I need to get home,” She quietly whimpered, practically begging me to let her go. Up until then, I didn’t want to, but I suddenly wished I had shut the door sooner so that I might not have had to hear the quiet addition, “To my fiancé.”

The color she was so void of in her face? It seems I must have recompensed, for not only was I crowned her something old that day, but I was also her something blue. 

_ _ _ 

If there were a guidebook on all the things to do as the love of your life’s wedding (to someone else) nears, I’d like to think I was following all the protocol. 

Since my not-so-subtle confession, I had yet to press the subject or force her for an answer to my final question, which I think she was thankful for. I also hadn’t plotted a giant scheme to ruin the wedding, nor did I have any intentions of doing so. 

For all intents and purposes, I was acting as a gentleman (who’s in love with you but whom you’re not marrying) ideally should.

You would think that after my big declaration, (y/n) would do everything in her power to avoid me. It’s what I would’ve done. But she’s no coward. That exact heart of gold I fell in love with made no exceptions. Because even after what I did, she still had it in her to extend her kindness to me. 

She’s stubborn like that, remember? 

And though she was showering me with a treatment I didn’t deserve, it still wasn’t enough for my greedy heart. 

The true pain lied in the pretending. Every day I would have to come to work and talk with her and laugh with her and smile with her - I would have to be her friend … pretending that was all that I wanted and nothing more. 

It was both a blessing and a curse that she was acting just as she always had with me. It may seem weird to have expected, nay - wanted - a different reaction from her, but I just wanted something. At least, if she was angry, then I would know what I said had some effect on her, but she was just so indifferent. Like what I said didn’t matter. 

It’s been said that there is a thin line between love and hatred. Hate and love both seem to be involved in the neural processing of what is sometimes referred to as the arousal effect of emotion - this is a technical term, so arousal can be negative. Scientists studying the physical nature of hate have found that some of the nervous circuits in the brain responsible for it are the same as those that are used during the feeling of romantic love – although love and hate appear to be polar opposites. Therefore, the same brain circuitry is involved in both extreme emotions. So, as strange as it may sound, if she didn’t love me, then I at least wanted her to hate me, just so I’d know she had any passion for me that matched my burning passion for her.

But as it turns out, she would never go on to display signs of hatred or love, for she never acted passive-aggressively, never gave me the silent treatment - nothing. Nope, she just acted as if it never happened. She went on with her life, essentially expecting me to do the same, but how could I carry on with life while she was still carrying half of my heart with her? 

It’s an impossible feat, that - to walk around with half a heart. And it’s one that has not gotten easier with time. If anything, time has made it worse, and the closer we got to the wedding, the more difficult it became for me to hold back. And with this exponential growth, it was only inevitable that the pinnacle of difficulty came right before the wedding. 

Before shit hit the fan, she arranged, or rather insisted, that I give a speech at the dinner rehearsal. That hadn’t changed, despite almost everything else having done so. Up until the minute I arrived at the venue, I could’ve recited that speech a million times, forwards and backwards, in my sleep, or even in Russian. But I lost any ability to form coherent thoughts from the second I laid eyes on her. 

As soon as I opened the door, she stood at the entrance to greet her guests, having taken a radiant form that I could only imagine would not pale in comparison to what she would look like tomorrow on her actual wedding day. That thought alone scared me shitless. 

If this is how beautiful she looked tonight and it was only just the rehearsal, how would I ever be able to resist her less than 24 hours from now when she would be marrying a man I could only dream of being half so lucky as?

“Spencer!” Familiar crinkles formed around her eyes as a result of her gigantic smile when she saw me and hugged me thereafter. Her embrace was strangely tighter and lasted for longer than usual, not that I was complaining, but I had to wonder if she was compensating for something. What’s that saying - keep your friends close, and your enemies closer? Was she killing me with kindness? That might’ve been wishful thinking though. Because the same flash of indifference I’d been dealt in recent times came back into her face and tone after hugging me. “You’re at table five with the rest of the team.” 

“Oh, thanks.”

That was it? Just a ‘Spencer!’ and then a nudge in the direction of my seat? No questions about my speech? No threatening comments to not say anything that would ruin the charade we’d been playing for months now? Had she forgotten I was even giving a speech?

“Oh, wait, Spencer!” I felt her hand on my shoulder before I heard her voice. “You left this in my car a couple months ago. I’ve been meaning to give it back to you, but I didn’t remember until today.” 

The first thing that raised a red flag was what she was saying. I’d left something in her car? That would imply that I’d forgotten something, and we both knew that wasn’t possible. But the second suspicious element was the matter of what she claimed I’d left behind. She was handing me a book with the back cover facing me. From the looks of it alone, it wasn’t mine. Clearly, it wasn’t mine. I knew every single book that resides on my shelves and this one has never once crossed them. That, on top of the new book smell and the lack of a wear in the spine, was enough to tell me that not only was this a book I’d never read nor was one to grace my bookshelf, but it was most certainly not one I would have left behind.

She was lying. 

She saw the realization dawn on me, but knowing I would mention it, her hand’s grip around my wrist, which I hadn’t noticed was even there in the first place, tightened, sending me a message. 

She knew I saw the deception. There were so many flaws in what she was saying, that she couldn’t have possibly been clueless of them. It was too easy. Or maybe that was by design. She wanted me to figure out it was a lie. But why?

What was she hiding?

The final thing to leave me when she did was her hand. In its place, it had left a a near perfect indentation in my sleeve. How flawlessly it sculpted to her hand told me just how tightly she was holding me. What was she trying to say?

That’s when I flipped the book over to see the cover. 

Can Love Happen Twice?

And right on the inside cover page was scribbled - in a handwriting so distinctive it could only belong to one person and one person alone - “Yes.” 

_ _ _ 

My heart was racing the entire night as I anxiously awaited for the moment to give my speech. Nothing seemed to ease the tension. Not a sip of water, not the loosening of my tie, not the self-soothing bouncing of my leg. But all it took, all it took was one glance from her and suddenly, the storm within me had settled. 

“Next up we have a speech from Spencer Reid!” 

I rose from my seat like a floundering mess, as to be expected, because how can you possibly catch your bearings as you’re about to make a speech to a room full of people?

“H-hi there. I’m Dr. Spen- I’m Spencer Reid. I’ve worked with (y/n) for several years now and - and so I, um, I wrote this speech for her, so, so I’m gonna read it to you all now,” My stammering had gotten the best of me, so before I could unravel into the mess I surely came off as right about now, I spun from my previous position facing the majority to facing only her. I needed to see her. I needed the reprieve of her eyes again, and she was happy to give it to me.

“(Y/n), from the moment I met you, I thought who is she? And I mean that quite literally because I had no idea who you were and why you were there,” Laughter from the crowd erupted, but her laugh was the only one that mattered to me. “But also because there was just something about you that told me I needed to talk to you. I had no idea what that instinct to strike up a conversation with you would lead to, but I trust my gut a little more now because that very intuition gave me one of the best friends I’ve ever had.” 

To my words, an endeared pout formed on her face. She was touched, and I was glad. 

“Over the seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years we’ve spent together, I have enjoyed every single measure of time with you. You have taught me more about life and myself than I could have ever learned otherwise - which says a lot,” This once again brought her to laughter. “So I thank you for that, because without you, there would be no one to tell my campfire stories to, there would be no one who could recite Jung or Freud with me, and there would be no one I’d have to correct when they drive down the wrong path,” My own chuckle cut my sentence short. 

“Life with you has simply been made better, and my only hope is that tomorrow, as you get married, you too, will experience that eternal bliss with which you have surely bestowed upon everyone who has had the privilege of knowing you.”

By now both of us were on the verge of tears, hers more apparent than mine as she used the palm of her hand to stifle her sniffles. 

“There is so much more I could say about how great you are, but your favorite author, F. Scott Fitzgerald, has said it best. ‘She was beautiful, but not like those girls in the magazines. She was beautiful, for the way she thought. She was beautiful, for the sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile, even if she was sad. No she wasn’t beautiful for something as temporary as her looks. She was beautiful, deep down to her soul. She is beautiful’,” A tear ran down her cheek as my own eyes welled up beyond their means. “So to you both - may you have a life as beautiful as the bride.”

Even if that life isn’t with me. 

I tuned out all the clapping and cheering, and set my focus solely on her, giving me full liberty to see the way she rose from her chair and escaped the room. Not even shock could paralyze me or stop me from running after her. I sprung so fast into action, which required the maximum amount adrenaline, although I could not credit my speed to the rush, but it was more the exclusive motivation to find her that powered me. The entire time I kept calling out her name as I frantically chased her out of the venue. 

“Spencer.” 

I didn’t even see her there at first, probably because I was half-expecting her to be jumping into a cab or running away from me some more when I found her, but just as before, she made it too easy for me. She was waiting for me, standing there in no spectacular fashion. 

The wind was blowing strands of hair in her face that were not so large so that I couldn’t see the red rings around her eyes that were caused by the irritation and formation of tears. She was simply staring back at me with this look in her eyes as if she wanted to say something. 

In the silence, I could still appreciate how astonishingly gorgeous she was. How badly I wanted her. I would’ve whisked her away and taken her as mine if I knew it would make her happy. But that’s just it - I didn’t know. 

I needed her to say it. So say it. 

Say it, darling. 

Spoken through a congested voice (which spoke volumes in reality because of the mere revelation that she was indeed crying) was the plainest, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” With that, she vanished back into the restaurant, leaving me to my devices on the sidewalk. 

She didn’t say it, but she didn’t have to. 

_ _ _ 

Perhaps the false confidence in my speech or what little she had to say to me after it or even the hidden message in the book got to my head, but whatever it was, I was feeling suspiciously alright. Luckily, that feeling didn’t deviate even as I made my way to the church. 

Upon arrival, everything seemed exactly as it should be, so consequently the lack of something out of place did not adequately denote what lied just beyond those doors. Or should I say what didn’t?

Much to my mortification, it was a completely empty church. Every pew, though decorated for a wedding, was uninhabited and showed no indications of having been such recently. As I walked further in, the door automatically shut behind me with a loud bang. It would’ve shocked me more had something else not caught my attention already. 

It was (y/n), standing at the altar … completely alone. 

Suddenly, it felt like I’d been drawn in by this invisible gravity, which was now floating me down the aisle. My feet could not carry me to her fast enough.

I was sure this was some kind of dream simply by the way the light gleamed through the stained glass windows, casting banners of golden luminescence on her. It was as if heaven itself had come down with the specific delegation to illuminate the vision of one of its fallen angels. 

“(Y/n)?” My voice reverberated throughout the chapel, ricocheting off the high, painted ceilings and back to me. “Where is everyone?” 

It wasn’t until I reached a certain point in the middle aisle, that I realized her veil had been covering her face this entire time. The angel in white only turned more heavenly when she flipped the veil backward, revealing herself to me. 

It took her a moment to answer, but it was her head that answered first before her mouth did. She began shaking her head slowly, followed by a short, unequivocal, “No.”

As you might imagine, I was dumbfounded. “No?” That answer wouldn’t have made sense in the context of what I had previously asked. 

“No.” She repeated, with somehow even more definitiveness. I decided it was best to stay silent and wait for her explanation. 

“No, it wouldn’t have been better if you didn’t tell me.” 

There was my answer I’d been searching for. 

“God, Spencer - what took you so long?” 

From the breathlessness and the rushed cadence of her voice, I knew precisely what was coming next. She instantaneously abandoned the bouquet she’d been clutching in favor of her hands’ ability to pull me in. The pressure on my fragile skull when our frenzied lips finally met was not a punishment so much as it was a reward. And just as we began to find our rhythm, I slid my hand into her hair, which I began to regret when I realized just how much time and effort probably went into its structuring. I pulled away the moment I felt a carefully placed pin lodged within her hair slip between my fingers. 

True, for a moment I was unable to open my eyes afterward from the sheer elation I was experiencing, but as I came to, I found myself looking at the hairpin I’d accidentally extracted from her curls, one that I could’ve sworn I’d seen a fellow coworker of ours donning in the past. 

“Is this -”

“Yep, it’s Penelope’s.” She admitted through the most debonair giggles. After giving her a quizzical, and only partially judgmental glance, she managed to blurt out, “What? Why are you looking at me like that? It was my ‘something borrowed’!”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　

reid taglist: @s1utformgg @no-alarms-no-surprises-silence @jemimah-b99 @justanothetfangirl @kylab @rainsong01 @calm-and-doctor @inkstainedwritergirl @rexorangecouny @ashwarren32 @carooliina @fortheloveofcriminalminds @watermelongubler  @obsessedmaggiemay @k-k0129 @aperrywilliams @eevee0722 @spencersmagic @spencerreid-mgg @half-blood-dork @goldeng1rl8 @just-a-bunch-of-fandoms @random-human-person 

[aspoonofsugar]

The Maidens: The Cycle of Life and Death

This post is inspired by @hamliet’s alchemy metas... I know nothing about alchemy, but after discussing it with her, this idea came up and I am sharing it on her behalf too.

In short, in alchemical stories (which RWBY apparently is) there are 3/4 phases. Each phase is linked to a specific color:

1) Nigredo (black)

2) Albedo (white)

3) Citrinitas (yellow)

4) Rubedo (red)

That said, often the yellow phase ends up being fused with the red one, so in most alchemical stories there are only three phases. Now, for each phase there is a major death, so there are usually 3/4 key deaths, each one linked to a specific phase.

For example, in Harry Potter there is

a) Sirius BLACK dying

b) ALBUS Dumbledore dying

c) Harry dying and being carried by RUBEUS Hagrid

Let’s highlight that each one of these deaths is especially resonant and important for the story. Sirius dies when Harry discovers about the prophecy. Dumbledore’s death leads to Harry leaving Hogwarts to look for the Horcruxes and finally Harry’s own death leads to Voldemort’s defeat.

What I mean is that the deaths linked to each phase must be resonant and meaningful either in terms of plot or in terms of themes. They must have weight and be felt both by the audience and by the characters.

So far, in RWBY we have had two such deaths:

Pyrrha’s death is linked to Nigredo, while Penny’s to Albedo. Interestingly, both deaths happened to two (supposed to be) Maidens.

This is interesting on multiple levels.

First of all, I have been asked about the Maidens in RWBY here and here. However, Penny’s death helped me gain a new perspective of their overall meaning.

In the first meta I have written this:

In a sense, the story keeps repeating. Salem kills Ozpin, he is reborn and his daughters are victims of the conflict between them.

Because of this, the four Maidens have become one of the many symbols of this endless cycle, which is clealry breaking its protagonists more and more.

This is well conveyed by the Maidens having a season theme. Seasons are in fact linked to the repetition of time aka one of Ozpin’s motifs.

I still think it is a part of the truth, but as for now I think the framing of the series over the cycle is more nuanced. It is a cycle of death and rebirth:

Goodwitch: The Maidens have existed for thousands of years. But much like in nature, the seasons change. No two summers are alike. When a Maiden dies, her power leaves her body and seeks out a new host, ensuring that the seasons are never lost, and that no individual can hold on to that power forever.

Seasons live and die, but new ones are born. It is a death that leads to a new life and that protects life itself since the Seasons are supposed to be Guardians.

This fits with the actual cycle of seasons where “no two summers are alike”, but that also accompanies humans’ lives and makes many human activities possible.

Secondly, both Pyrrha and Penny’s deaths have to do with the theme of choice, which is central to the series:

Ozpin: Maidens choose themselves.

In particular, Pyrrha and Penny’s final choices are two different declination of this idea. At the same time, they are linked to the theme explored by their respective relic as well (in Pyrrha’s case it means that her link to choice is twofold).

1) As the (supposed to be) Maiden of Choice, Pyrrha is given a choice in the Vault of Choice:

Ozpin: You, Miss Nikos... have a choice to make.

(...)

Ozpin: Are you ready? I... I need to hear you say it.

Pyrrha: Yes.

Ozpin: Thank you, Miss Nikos.

She is given some time to think about it and in the end she chooses to accept her new duty. Still, the power is stolen from her and the choice she was given is negated to her:

Pyrrha: But I can help.

Ozpin: You'll only get in the way.

However, this does not stop her:

Red-Haired Woman: She understood that she had a responsibility... to try. I don't think she would regret her choice, because a Huntress would understand that there really wasn't a choice to make. And a Huntress is what she always wanted to be.

Pyrrha’s death is about doing the right thing even if it comes with a high personal cost. She is able to make the choice to keep fighting against an enemy impossible to defeat an arc before our protagonists are strong enough to make it.

This is why... even if she never receives the powers.. Pyrrha is the true Maiden of Choice of the Vale arc. She does not need the powers because deep down being a Maiden is something deeper than that.

Pyrrha embodies the idea that Maidens choose themselves because she chooses to be a Maiden at Heart and dies true to her choice:

Pyrrha: Do you believe in destiny?

2) As the Maiden of Creation, Penny is created anew in the Vault of Creation:

As I have stated in previous metas Creation as a concept is linked to free will. Creations are free to develop and to change independently from their “creators”. This fits Penny’s transformation, who ultimately gives her back the free will that the virus had stolen:

Penny: I...I must...open the Vault. I, I do not want...Ah!

And in the end she uses her free will to make a specific choice:

Penny: Let me choose this one thing.

I have actually a lot more to say about Penny’s death and final choice, but I will write a longer meta about it, so for now let’s just say it has to do with self-actualization.

Penny embodies the idea that Maidens choose themselves because she chooses who she wants to be and how she wants to live.

What is more, her choice has to do with Creation because she saves Winter’s life and also (symbolically) makes her a whole person as well:

Winter: No, Penny, you were always the real Maiden at heart. I was just a machine. Just... following orders.

Penny: You’re my friend.

Winter: Perhaps, but I’m choosing it now. I’ve made it my own. And I take great pride in it.

Winter: You chose nothing. This was a gift.

At the same time, Penny’s sacrifice also saves the people of Atlas and Mantle who are stranded in Vacuo. If Cinder had stolen the power, they would have all died.

As a final note, we are directly told the themes linked to both Pyrrha and Penny’s death back in volume 5:

Ruby: When Beacon fell, I lost two of my friends: Penny Polendina and Pyrrha Nikos. I didn't know them for very long, but that doesn't change the fact that they were two of the most kind-hearted people I have ever met. But that didn't save them. Pyrrha thought that if there was even the smallest chance of helping someone, then it was a chance worth taking. And because of that, she died fighting a battle she knew she couldn't win. And Penny... was killed... just to make a statement.

Pyrrha died to make the right thing.

Penny died the first time as a result of her being objectified, so the second time she herself chose how to end her life in a way she found meaningful.

In short, Pyrrha and Penny’s deaths can be read as the two deaths linked respectively to Nigredo and Albedo. What is sure is that they are meant to be compared and foiled.

All this leads to a question... will we have other two (or one) major death(s) that will be linked to (the yellow and) red phase(s)? Will they be other Maidens?

As for now, I think it is possible, even if not sure obviously.

First of all, I do not know if we are gonna have a death for Citrinitas since from what I understood usually the yellow phase gets conveyed as a part of the Rubedo one. Moreover, if we have it, it might not be linked to a Maiden. After all, another pattern one could find is that both Pyrrha and Penny died at Beacon and so did Ozpin, so maybe he will be the one to die (once and for all?) in the yellow/red phase. However, as for now, I don’t think so and I am gonna theorize that the yellow and red deaths, if they happen, will have to do with the Maidens and will be other declinations of the themes explored above.

As for now, we know nothing of the Maiden of Destruction, so I am not considering her.

Still, there is another Maiden whose arc was left unsolved and who needs to come back in the story:

3) As the Maiden of Knowledge, Raven is told the truth about herself in the Vault of Knowledge:

Yang: Oh, shut up!! You don't know the first thing about strength! You turn your back on people, you run away when things get too hard, you put others in harm's way instead of yourself!! You might be powerful, but that doesn't make you strong.

And it is possible that this self-knowledge will eventually lead her to make a choice, which is what she has failed to do up until now.

If she chooses to sacrifice herself, her death will be a redemptive one and it might come to embody that Maidens choose themselves because they can always change and become true Maidens.

Finally, there is the Rubedo phase, which is the last phase. If we are gonna have a red death, it should be a key one for the whole series and one which leads to its resolution. As for now, I think there is only one character who can pull it off:

4) Cinder is a key character for the whole story. Personally, I think this volume was a turning point for her, but she failed to learn the lessons she needed to learn. What she did was to take these lessons and to twist them in a hypocritical way:

Cinder: I suppose I have only you to thank for one last lesson… Sometimes, if you want to win…you simply can’t do it alone.

And this has made her even more similar to Salem:

Salem: Why....do...you...keep...coming...back?!

Yang: Why do you?!

Penny: Why did you come back?! Why couldn’t you just learn your lesson?!

I would also like to highlight that so far Cinder has failed to learn the lesson of each relic.

In the Vale Arc, it is implied her concept of Destiny and Choice is different from Pyrrha’s. She wants to be “worthy” and to be chosen. Moreover, her idea of agency is linked to stealing others’, just like she stole the Maiden’s power and Pyrrha’s destiny.

In the Mistral Arc, she receives a warning about her Shadow Hand:

Raven: Aura can't protect your arm, it's Grimm. You turned yourself into a monster just for power.

But she chooses to ignore it.

Finally, in the Atlas Arc she manages to make herself anew. She recreates herself, but fails to truly change.

I am expecting all these failures to come back at her with the Vacuo Arc, which is about Destruction and will probably lead to everything coming together to crush Cinder (the people she used, the Shadow Hand, Salem’s true plan).

Once this happens, I think Ruby will save her with her eyes and will offer her that pity she was never shown as a child. This will lead to Cinder’s final choice which might be a synthesis of all the choices made by the Maidens she killed.

It will be a selfless choice, like Pyrrha’s, in contrast to the selfishness she displayed throughout the series.

It will be a self-actualizing choice, like Penny’s, which will free her from Salem’s shadow and influence

It will also be a redemptive choice, where Cinder finally lives up to her name and becomes the true Fall Maiden.

I am also expecting this choice to somehow solve the conflict or to be a part of the reason why the conflict is solved.

It would also be interesting if the Maidens’ sacrifices become progressively more effective in solving the conflict.

Pyrrha’s death is the most pyrric (obviously). She did not manage to stop Cinder, but barely gained enough time for Ruby to arrive and wound the villain. Still, it is a choice who clearly inspired her friends and I think that in the end it will inspire Cinder as well:

Cinder: You know, Neo, someone once asked me if I believed in destiny. And I'm happy to say I still do.

Penny’s death is framed as a sad, but powerful conclusion to her arc and saved both Winter and the people of Atlas and Mantel. It still did not prevent Salem from taking the relics and did not save the Kingdom.

So, maybe Cinder’s death, if it happens, will be key in saving the world.

This would also fit with the idea that we are going through a journey where we are getting to know the four gifts the Gods gave humanity.

Pyrrha sacrificed herself even before our protagonists received Knowledge, Penny did so after both Knowledge and Creation, while Cinder perhaps will do so after the characters have aquired all the four gifts.

[nobodyfamousposts]

Missing - Part 4.1

Remember the something bad coming I mentioned before?

This is that.

Fencing practice the next day had been a bit more intense. Fortunately, Kagami had been a perfect opponent to go all out with. She seemed to notice his emotional state and reacted in kind. Which he appreciated, certainly. Adrien had needed to work off the stress and anxiety from the previous incident with Lila.

It hadn’t helped that Plagg had also been unusually agitated that morning. He wouldn’t say what was going on, but he had told Adrien that they needed to see Master Fu immediately.

Plagg...had never gotten like that. Adrien didn’t understand what was going on, but whatever it was, it seemed quite serious. So he had bit back any complaint about the early morning or his schedule and attempted to reach Master Fu by phone. Unfortunately, it had gone to voicemail after several rings, and they couldn’t be sure if it was that Fu had been asleep or otherwise occupied. While Adrien had offered to find time to go to Fu’s place that day once there was a break in his schedule, Plagg insisted that whatever was going on couldn’t wait, and had decided to go to the man’s home himself.

Adrien wasn’t about to refuse Plagg if he felt it was truly necessary to go, but he felt anxious without his kwami and he still wasn’t back yet. He only hoped that there wouldn’t be another akuma attack before he returned.

He hoped everything was okay…

But at least Kagami was there. Both to challenge him physically and to support him when he explained what happened afterwards.

“So you came clean to them?“ Kagami asked, seated on a bench in the locker room as she listened to Adrien talk about what had happened.

He nodded, coming back to the present and admittedly still somewhat shaken from the entire ordeal the day before. “They deserved to know.“

“And how did they take it?“ While he certainly warranted some reprimand for the poor decision he had made on the matter, he did not deserve to be ostracized or blamed for the mess. Lila’s actions were her own, and while each of them held responsibility for their part in falling for her manipulations and the weakness that allowed her to get as far as she did, ultimately Lila was the only one to blame for her actions. With everything so recent and still so raw, the last thing they needed to have happen was for someone else to be made a scapegoat, which was still a possibility now that Lila was no longer present to take the brunt of their anger. Kagami knew the class was made of generally kind souls, but people could do regretful things in anger.

She for one was not inclined to sit by and allow him to be made into the villain for a situation he was not fully responsible for, and her tightening grip on her foil was indicative of that.

“They weren’t happy with me. They still aren’t. And I don’t blame them, really.“ He admitted. He had been kicking himself ever since his initial talk with Nino for...a lot of reasons, really. Having friends really helped with getting insight and other perspectives. And helped him notice things he hadn’t before.

“But what it comes down to is that even if we knew or suspected that Lila wasn’t being honest, none of us truly realized the depths of just how manipulative she could be.” Not until it was all laid out for them at any rate.

“Even when she snuck into your house and sent out that picture?“ Kagami asked, keeping her voice level.

He winced at the memory of the cause of her akumatization. But still...

“That was rotten of her, and I warned her afterwards.” He took a breath, realizing that his school friends hadn’t been the only ones hurt because of this. This just served as another reminder of his failure to act. “I should have done more then. I’m sorry, Kagami.”

She frowned, not necessarily pleased, but not angry either. “What was the reasoning then?” She asked. Because even if she didn’t agree with it, she knew he at least had some view that led to the choice he made.

He winced. “Honestly, that was the sort of thing I would see of a more extreme fangirl. But lying to police to try and keep someone from getting help is a whole new level of low. And one I thought she actually would not stoop to.” He frowned, looking up at Kagami. “Does that make me foolish?”

“Yes.” She replied bluntly. “You at least knew that she was capable of underhanded things. And when you know a tiger’s stripes, you should know what to expect.”

He winced and looked away, guiltily. “I know. Or—I didn’t? I just...”

She decided to take pity on him.

“That said,” She added, drawing his attention back to her. “While you may know a tiger’s stripes, that does not necessarily mean you would be able to see them in the wild.”

He smiled bitterly. “Are you trying to make me feel better?”

“Yes.” She admitted bluntly. “But that doesn’t make me wrong.”

He sighed. “I still should have done something then. I knew she was capable of bad things. There was no excuse for not warning anyone at least.” He gave a sad laugh. “I can’t even imagine how Marinette must have felt when I told her to leave things alone.”

Adrien hesitated, coming to a realization.

“I think I’ve been doing that a lot...” He admitted. “I did the same thing to her when it came to Chloe when she was being her worst.”

“I cannot speak regarding Chloe.” Kagami stated, and she couldn’t given her limited interaction with the bratty daughter of the mayor. Anything she had to say about the girl would likely be far from helpful and only get them off track. “But if I may ask...why keep putting it on Marinette then when you knew she wasn’t in the wrong?“

He shrugged, despondent and uncertain.

“I just felt safer with her.” He answered.

He was used to being friends with Chloe. Where he had been expected to give her what she wants. Whether it was completing whatever task she demanded of him or tell her what she wanted to hear.

Telling her what she wanted to hear...even if it wasn’t true.

But Marinette...

“I knew Marinette would listen to me. And she’s been good with reaching out and giving chances.”

When two parties were arguing, one of them needed to be willing to offer an olive branch if they were to reconcile and make things better. But so far, Marinette was the only one he could see in that role. The only one capable of it, to be honest.

Heaven knew how often she intervened for their classmates. She’d stood up for them, but she had also been willing to put her own feelings aside to come to a compromise. After all, she had helped Chloe more than once. Even in spite of everything Chloe had done.

“My thoughts were that if I could get Marinette to listen and agree, others would follow suit. And there could be compromise. But that was an unfair burden to keep putting on her and I ignored that there were times she shouldn’t have had to be the one to reach out first. And when Lila came along…”

He shrugged, helplessly.

“In a weird way, I thought I was supporting her by encouraging her to not fight back.”

That turned out to be a mistake. One that had hurt everyone.

It was never that she didn’t matter as much as anyone else, or that she was less important than keeping the peace. It was just that out of everyone, she was the only one who would take that first step and he knew that. He knew it wasn’t fair to keep putting such responsibility on her. But there was no one else he could count on to help or mediate things. And he just didn’t want the class to fall apart.

He kept telling himself he would make it up to her and that he would support her when she needed it, but he wasn’t the most observant of people and Marinette always seemed so strong, like she’d never needed his help.

“I wasn’t being fair to her.“

The fact that he knew Marinette could handle things did not necessarily mean that she should be expected to be the one to have to, or that he should expect her to.

Kagami hummed to her self, thinking for a moment.

“Did you consider that the longer Lila Rossi was allowed to continue on, the more hurt other people would be once her lies were revealed?“

He winced.

“Or did you think they would be revealed at all?“

He sighed and slowly nodded. “At the start, her lies seemed frivolous and only meant to make herself look better. I had figured that either she would get comfortable and stop, or that people would lose interest in listening to her.”

She nodded, considering. “It was a reasonable assumption, albeit an erroneous one.“

He looked away and nodded. “It was a mistake on my part for assuming that much. I wanted to believe that people can get better and learn from their mistakes. And I keep wanting to give second chances, even in situations where I really shouldn’t.”

He knew now that Lila went beyond that.

“Why I let it happen was a combination of a lot of reasons really. I thought she would quit on her own. I thought people would get tired of listening to her. I thought that she would come clean herself. I thought, if nothing else, people would catch on to her lies. I had so many reasons behind my decision, but at the end of the day, it was the choice I made and I will never know what would’ve happened if I had simply told someone sooner. Maybe this could’ve been avoided.”

“But there’s no point lingering on the possibilities of different decisions now that the moment for them has passed.“ She pointed out.

He gave her a slight smile at that. “Yeah. While we all feel bad about it, wallowing in that isn’t going to change anything at this point. We’ve decided to keep our focus on trying to find Marinette. And if nothing else, the reveal of Lila will ensure she can’t sabotage our efforts anymore.”

“Has there been any luck?“

“Alya said she found something. Nino and I are going to talk to her tonight to go over what she’s learned. Maybe she found something that could help?“

“How are things with them?” She asked.

“They’re doing all right. Better than they were with Lila around. The others were really forgiving.” More than he honestly felt he deserved.

Kagami seemed satisfied with that. “They are good friends. If you try to talk to them, they will listen.”

He frowned, a bit frustrated but it seemed to be mostly with himself. “I know.”

She rested a hand on his shoulder. “If there’s something wrong, or if something is troubling you, then you should be free tocommunicate it. If nothing else, it can allow you to get a second opinion on a Point of concern. And in many cases you can share information that other people may not know.“

He smiled at her gratefully.

She smiled back.

“One of the common mistakes in fencing is to hesitate and miss an opportunity to act. Once the moment is over, it’s too late. But if nothing else, you at least have the knowledge for next time.”

“I know.” He agreed. “It’s why I want to help find Marinette. I want to be able to apologize to her in person…and reassure her that things will be better now.”

He clenched his fists.

“She deserves that much, at least.”

Because she was…

To him she was…

Kagami nodded in understanding.

“Marinette is a good friend.” She stated. “If there is any way I could help, I would like to try.”

He smiled.

“Thank you, Kagami.”

______________________

Another day came with another search party. The available classmates gathered in another attempt to try to locate their missing friend. Unfortunately, life goes on even when it feels like the world should stop turning. As such, not all of them were able to make it this day.

Adrien had fencing, and with his hectic schedule and strict expectations, he couldn’t afford to keep missing appointments or he’d lose any freedom to help in the search. Max was busy with a project and was thus unable to join the group on what was steadily becoming a new after school activity of searching the city for any clues. Nathaniel needed to do chores and help his dad at home. Mylene wasn’t feeling well and nobody wanted to risk her coming down with a cold or other illness. Kim had swim practice followed by a date, and it didn’t feel fair to make him give up something positive that made him happy on a search that would likely leave them all feeling drained and depressed.

Chloe was...well, Chloe. And while she had been surprisingly willing to step up and pull a major victory against Lila when it mattered, that one good deed didn’t necessarily mean she wasn’t still her usual self absorbed self. And it certainly didn’t mean that she was willing to traverse around Paris in the cold for who knows how long on behalf of someone she has expressed nothing but dislike for. She made it clear she would be spending her afternoon in warmth and comfort.

Sabrina, naturally, went with her. Though she had wished the group luck with their search.

This left Alya and Nino, along with the members of Kitty Section for the search. To Alya’s surprise, this meant they were joined by Luka as well.

“Luka? You helping out as well?” Nino greeted.

Luka hefted his guitar on his back and nodded. “ I heard you were looking and I wanted to help out anyway I could.”

In normal circumstances, Alya would be gleeful at the show of concern by a cute guy for her friend and the sign of at least one of her ships moving forward. But as sweet as the gesture was, it was really just a reminder of the fact that her friend was still missing, so whatever joy she felt was short-lived.

She shivered.

Chloe did have a point though. As it was getting later into the year, the days were getting colder. It only made her all the more concerned that her friend could be out on the streets in winter.

It was all the more reason to find her sooner. And she straightened, bringing out her phone and planning to do just that.

Alya had spent most of the night and well into the early hours of the morning going through the data Max gave her regarding Marinette’s phone.

What she found was....strange.

The phone itself was gone. Possibly turned off. However, the signal was still there. It was blurry. Seemingly fading in and out, inconsistent, and frequently moving. But it was there.

The data showed the status of Marinette’s phone and its location over the past weeks. Which was…weird, to say the least. The signal was abnormally weak. And didn’t seem to stick to one set location which she would have expected if the phone had been lost. No, if anything, it seemed to be...almost roaming?

Which didn’t make sense. If she was kidnapped, the kidnappers surely would have tossed the phone. And if it had just been left somewhere while being left on, it still should have run out of battery by now.

Instead, it just...sort of kept cutting in and out at random. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to it.

But what had caught Alya’s attention was just when and where this strange status first started, which she had decided would be the location of their search for the day.

The others followed her, letting her lead the way while they chatted amicably with one another. Alya only half paid attention to what they were saying, her focus primarily on her phone and the map it was showing.

“It’s getting colder out, huh?”

“Anyone want to grab a hot chocolate after this? Maybe just as a pick me up after the search?”

“That sounds nice! What do you think, Juleka?”

“I’m in.”

“Hey Luka, is it really a good idea to bring your guitar out here for this?“

“It helps me think. And besides, you never know when it might be needed.“

“I guess.”

Alya, for her part, only half minded the conversation behind her as she led the group to the last known location of Marinette’s phone before it started doing...this. This strange fuzzy image that didn’t seem to be all there.

Unfortunately, the map icon was only able to narrow down the location so much. She was able to find the general area Marinette had been in last, but the specific place...

She looked around.

Strangely, the map led her to a somewhat out of the way area. It was a normal street. Shops of various kinds were lined up along the sidewalk. There wasn’t much that stood out. This was a simple district with no real landmarks. There was no real draw. No tourist attractions. No fabric stores either to garner Marinette’s interest.

So why come here? What had she been doing? And where did she go?

“Does anything stick out to you guys?” Alya asked as she glanced around, trying to find anything that could indicate where Marinette had been.

The others started looking around as well, but for all intents and purposes, it was just a plain street. The split up amongst themselves to go into the shops and ask around for clues. But none of the stores seemed like places where Marinette would go. And none of the workers inside had seen her. Though if they had, there was no way for her to have stood out to them enough for them to recall her weeks later.

“Not with the akuma attack, anyway.” One clerk stated. “It was a distance away, sure, but still close enough that we all shut down and hid out in our stores.”

Alya had nodded in understanding. Because honestly, while Ladybug and Chat Noir did a great job stopping the akumas, the fights could take them all over Paris in the span of an hour. Even if a battle was on the other side of the city, there was no telling where they would end up by the end.

She thanked the man for his time and left the store. Nothing she didn’t already know, but still, any information was useful. Something about it had nagged at her, though, so she wrote it in her notes all the same.

“Any luck?” Ivan asked, causing her to look up at the assembled group. Nino had been chatting with Ivan while Luka had taken to strumming on his guitar while they waited. Rose and Juleka were talking to someone at a nearby kiosk, possibly to purchase one of the charms.

Alya shook her head, regretfully. “Nothing on my end. At least not anything new. How about you?”

The boys shook their heads sadly. Alya couldn’t help the disappointment at that.

“Do you think there’s something we missed?” Ivan asked, trying to be hopeful.

Luka frowned, playing a few notes on his guitar, a bit harshly in apparent agitation. It was probably his method of coping, Alya rationalized. A part of her wished she had some reassurance to give him, but she was feeling despondent herself. Whatever boost she had gotten from seeing justice served with Lila was starting to falter, and she didn’t know how much hope she’d be able to hold on to for her best friend.

“Hey guys!” Rose came running over, looking excited. Juleka followed along silently behind her at a somewhat slower but still faster than usual pace. “That guy selling charms said he saw Marinette that day!”

That got their attention as everyone perked up.

“Really?”

“Where?”

“It was right before the akuma attack.” Rose explained, practically bouncing as she told them. “She was looking at the charms at his kiosk and mumbling about different designs for them, so they had gotten to talking a bit.” She frowned, looking concerned. “But then they heard the akuma alert. The owner was shutting down his kiosk but pointed out the direction he saw Marinette run.”

Juleka reached out, pointing towards a gap between two particular stores. “In there.”

Alya turned to look. The stores in question were both the tallest buildings on the street, standing at four stories with a clear alleyway between them. They didn’t have much in the way of decorations, but with the awnings and balconies, did appear to provide cover. Maybe Marinette had hid in there during the fight?

The alleyway itself was empty. Other than a fire escape on one side, a dumpster, and a fence blocking the way through, there didn’t seem to be much else of notice. And the dumpster had to have been cleaned out in the weeks since Marinette’s disappearance.

Nino heaved a sigh of relief when Alya told him this before he could attempt to dumpster dive for clues. He wanted to find Marinette, sure. And he certainly would have been willing to loot a dumpster for her, but that didn’t mean he wanted to.

The group spread out along the alley, continuing to search for clues. While not searching within the dumpster itself, Nino and Ivan had gone so far as to lift the dumpster enough for Rose to do a quick search beneath for anything. Juleka checked the fence for any holes or ways through. Luka stood near the entrance to the alley as a lookout in case anyone noticed them, absently picking at notes on his guitar.

Alya, for her part, tried to check the fire escape. Was it reachable from the ground? No, it was at least a story up and the ladder leading to it wasn’t lowered if it was even there at all. Maybe if Marinette had stood on the dumpster? Hmm...what if there was a way to check for height on her map?

She pulled out her phone

And immediately froze.

There, on her phone’s map, was a blinking, fuzzy icon. The one that had been indicating Marinette. At some point without realizing it, she had switched from the image of Marinette’s last placement to the current. She saw her own indicator with her picture, as well as those of her other friends with her.

But amidst her searching, the icon symbolizing Marinette’s current location on her map had been moving.

It was moving here.

And suddenly...

It had stopped.

It...was here.

Marinette...it said she was here.

Alya froze.

She couldn’t breathe.

She couldn’t even move her body from her spot. At most, she was able to move her eyes, searching wildly for any trace of her best friend.

But...nothing.

Why was it saying she was here?

“Marinette?!”

All other sound ceased. The others turned to her, but she didn’t even notice because it was here! The signal was right here! Marinette was here!

But…she wasn’t.

It was just herself. Just Alya. Just Nino. Just Luka and Rose and the rest of Kitty Section. Just them. Just random people passing by on the street.

No Marinette.

But…

A quick glance to the phone showed it was still there. So Marinette had to be here, right?

But why?

Alya looked around frantically, calling out in desperation.

“MARINETTE?!”

Silence.

A few strange looks from the people nearby.

Not even her friends dared to speak.

And on her phone, the icon symbolizing Marinette’s signal started to fade and drift away.

Alya stared at the icon. Wishing it back.

“Babe…” Nino tried, approaching her cautiously. “What was that?”

She bit her lip.

“I…don’t know?”

______________________

Oh.

The music stopped.

Whatever strands of melody and lingering echoes of the tune had since faded from the rooftop where she stood.

It had been a beautiful melody. Something gentle and kind in its own way. And while she knew better than to take a break, she had a strange inclination to listen to the sweet yet heartbreaking tune while it lasted.

…it just hadn’t lasted very long.

The loss felt…sad, in a way. She couldn’t help but feel that it had been cut off all too soon.

And the silence bothered her.

It seemed…stifling, almost.

She shook it off.

It was time to go anyway. She had spent too much time here as it was. And she still needed to…do whatever it was she was here to do. Continue searching the city. Keep an eye out for any akumas. Be useful. Stay busy.

Until she could go back to wherever she had been before, at least.

She sighed and threw her yo-yo. As she approached the edge of the building, she allowed the low murmur of background noise and city life to erase that gnawing emptiness. She swung off, leaving the sounds of shouting behind her. Whatever it was, it didn’t sound important.

Back to work.

______________________

Evening came all too slowly for Adrien. The rest of the day seemed to drag on and made him all that much more eager for the end of school. And wasn’t that an irony that he actually wanted to be out of school for once?

But the only thing he was more eager about than school was his friends. And Alya seemed to think she had a lead on Marinette. If she had anything, he wanted to know. If there was even a chance, he’d happily take it if it meant getting to see her again.

Unfortunately, their differing schedules made meeting difficult. Alya had wanted to share her info with Nino, and knowing how affected Adrien was by everything, Nino had insisted Adrien be there as well. But Adrien had practice and lessons after school. And Nino and Alya both had obligations at their respective homes.

It had been decided that they would do a phone chat later in the evening. After Nino and Alya’s younger siblings were put to bed and when Adrien’s schedule was clear.

He was practically vibrating out of his chair with nervousness the longer he waited for their video chat.

“Boo!”

So much so that he actually fell out of his chair when Plagg returned.

“Plagg! Where have you been?!” Adrien demanded as he pushed himself up. He was of course happy that he had returned, but really!

The kwami snickered at Adrien’s expression. Could anyone blame him? That was hilarious.

...but back on point, Plagg remembered his news and quickly got serious.

“I couldn’t find the Guardian.”

Adrien’s eyes widened. “Did something happen to him?”

Plagg shrugged. “I don’t know. He could just be out running errands or something. We’ll need to try again.”

“I could try calling him now.” Adrien suggested. If he had just been busy when he tried before, then surely it would be all right to try again to reach him now? And as long as he had his phone, Fu should be able to get his call. Though in that case, Fu should already have known about his earlier call, right?

Adrien bit his lip in worry. So much had been happening lately. Marinette disappeared. The whole thing with Lila. Ladybug was...apparently in a bad mood for some reason. Now Plagg was agitated and they couldn’t reach Master Fu.

He took a breath to steady himself. They weren’t sure Fu was actually unreachable yet. He needed to call him first. And if that didn’t work, he could have Plagg lead him to the man’s place to check up on him.

Still...he couldn’t help the anxiety he was feeling, and it only seemed to be getting worse.

BRIIIIIING!

“AAH!”

As was evident when he panicked at the sudden alarm from his phone. So much so that it took him three tries to grab the phone as he kept dropping it due to his frantic fumbling. Ignoring Plagg’s commentary, he looked to the screen and saw it was a video call request from Alya.

Oh right. The video chat with Nino and Alya. It was supposed to start now. He had just gotten distracted.

He took a breath and answered the call.

“Hey! Hi! Hello! Glad you made it!”

Honestly, he could have smacked himself.

Somewhere off to the side, Plagg was snickering. On the video, both Alya and Nino seemed to be smiling at how frazzled he appeared. Adrien himself was much less amused.

“Did you find anything?” He asked, only partly to distract from himself.

Mostly because he was hoping for some news. That their excursion earlier had been successful. That they’d found something on their friend. Preferably the friend in question.

But their downhearted expressions told him the answer before they even had to say anything. The explanation that followed was short but detailed, and only seemed to further his confusion. Given their expressions, Adrien was sure that Alya and Nino were in the same boat.

“It was the weirdest thing...” Alya trailed off in a mutter.

“I’ll say.” Nino added with a laugh. “You were kind of freaking out. We all panicked when you started shouting.”

In any other instance, Alya might have been offended. As it was, though, she was quiet. Remaining deep in thought and seemingly oblivious to her boyfriend’s attempt to distract from her.

But Adrien noticed.

“Alya? What’s up?”

A moment of silence followed as she attempted to gather her thoughts.

Then...

“I have a theory.“ Alya started, looking apprehensive.

Adrien perked up. “A theory? What of?”

Nino, for his part, found in realization. “Does this have to do with what happened earlier?“

She nodded. “I’d been following her cell phone signal. After…” She hesitated for a second. “Well, when I was Lady Wifi, I managed to track Marinette’s phone signal and that same signal is on my phone now. But something isn’t right about it.”

She lifted her phone to the screen so Adrien could see what she meant. Sure enough, there was Marinette’s icon active on the map, but...it looked strange. Distorted. He struggled to tell that it was Marinette’s picture there at all.

“It’s been like this for a while. I’ve never seen any case like this, and there are no reports online of anything similar. Plus given how it’s been moving around…” She pulled her phone back and shrugged. “I think magic may be involved.”

Adrien straightened. “So you think she might have been akumatized?”

She shrugged. “Near as I can figure.“

Nino frowned. “But that doesn’t make sense. Hawk Moth can only akumatize one person at a time.“

Well, that wasn’t quite true, Adrien realized. There had been the Scarlet Moth incident when he had caused a mass akumatization with that illusion. Then it happened again that time Marinette had been expelled thanks to Lila’s schemes.

He bit back the rush of resentment and guilt at the memory to focus.

Could Hawk Moth akumatize more than one person at once? There had been the young twins who became Sapotis and when Alya and Nino became Oblivio, but those were cases where two people were essentially one akuma. And even in the case of multiple active akuma like the time Lady WiFi, Reflecta, and Princess Fragrance came after him thanks to his cousin, they all still only shared one akuma. Purifying that had been enough to restore all three, and in this case, he and Ladybug had already done that. So if that was the case, Marinette should have been restored as well, even if they hadn’t fought her.

“Could he have made Lady WiFi if Marinette was already an akuma?” Adrien asked.

“He’s akumatized more than one person at once though. There was the incident with the scarlet butterflies. And then there were also the time with my sisters.” Alya argued, remembering the same incidents Adrien had.

“And when Adrien’s jerk of a cousin caused you, Rose, and Juleka to be akumatized.” Nino added.

Alya groaned. “We just don’t know the extent of Hawk Moth’s power.”

Adrien nodded at that. Of course it was possible that Hawk Moth had discovered some new ability. But his power seemed to follow certain rules and have at least some limitations, so it didn’t make sense that he could suddenly do this.

Or why, for that matter? Hawk Moth did show some capability for planning—Scarlet Moth was proof of that. But what could he possibly gain from keeping Marinette as an akuma for this long?

But...hadn’t he targeted her before?

Adrien bit his lip.

There was too much uncertainty.

He sent a glance to Plagg, who saw his look and shook his head in response. The kwami looked particularly annoyed at the current train of the discussion. Clearly they were on the wrong track.

Adrien took a breath. “I don’t think that’s it. If it was Hawk Moth, what would be the purpose? We all know Marinette is gone now and would be looking for anything that could be behind it. If he had the ability to akumatize multiple people back to back, why use it like this? It doesn’t add up.”

“I don’t know if it is that Hawk Moth akumatized her.” Aly admitted. “It’s just that it has to be magic. There’s no other way to explain it. I mean, it’s not just Marinette that’s gone. Her cellphone…” She hesitated. “It isn’t stable. It’s there, but...not? And she was there today. I know she was.”

She had to give Max credit for his capabilities. The data was extensive and thorough despite the clear limits. And quite advanced. She hadn’t known it was possible to get as much data as he had, or even that it existed. But it was helpful to her search, and that was the important thing. With it, she was able to glean information. And slowly, a timeline started to form.

As did a theory.

“So her phone signal is still there, but she isn’t. And it’s been like this since...“

Since Marinette went missing.

The same day she disappeared, the biggest thing that happened that day was—

“The akuma.” Alya whispered. She frowned as she switched her browser on her computer to the Ladyblog and started looking through the archived footage and documentation of that attack.

There was an akuma attack that day. Someone feeling forgotten and overlooked was given the power to erase others.

She had watched a video of one such unfortunate victim. The poor guy didn’t even have a chance to wince at being hit. He just vanished the instant the attack made contact.

“But if Marinette was akumatized,” Nino continued, “why would Hawk Moth even make an akuma like that? If she’s not doing anything other than making herself disappear...that’s not useful for him, is it?”

Alya frowned, looking over the data again. “It’s not, no.”

Adrien also wasn’t convinced. From Plagg’s expression, it seemed he had some idea, though now wasn’t the time to press him. He’d have to wait until after the call was over. “It’s also much quieter, isn’t it? Every akuma up until now has been immediate and noticeable, otherwise Ladybug and Chat Noir wouldn’t know to come out and fight it, and Hawk Moth wouldn’t have a chance to target their Miraculous. The only exception was when Sabrina was akumatized the first time to be invisible, and even that was only for a couple of days.”

Nino shrugged but appeared to agree with him. “It’s been a couple of weeks since Marinette disappeared. If it was an akuma, wouldn’t we have noticed one by now? Akumas are generally fueled by emotions. They aren’t subtle.”

Alya looked back at her phone, reviewing the timeline. “But if she isn’t an akuma herself, then the only other option I can think of is that she was hit by that erasure akuma last month.” She shook her head, incredulous. “But that can’t be right. The Miraculous Cure would have brought her back, wouldn’t it?”

So caught in the discussion between his friends, Adrien didn’t see how Plagg looked stricken.

“It’s never failed before.” Nino stated.

“But what else could explain the state of her phone signal? It should either be there or not at all.

Adrien paused, tilting his head thoughtfully.  “That’s not normal.” He agreed.

“It does indicate that whatever happened to Marinette, it must be magical. And the only one with any sort of power along those lines would be Hawk Moth.”

“But why?”

She sighed.

“I guess that’s the question, isn’t it?”

None of them noticed Gabriel standing outside the door. Or the expression of dawning horror.

________________

Gabriel felt numb in a way he never thought he had been before.

The missing Dupain-Cheng girl? An akuma?

No. That was impossible.

Even if he was capable of akumatizing more than one person at a time outside of the Scarlet Moths, he would still have known. He would have made contact with her. And from his experience with his powers, he would have a link to the girl.

There was nothing.

But the only other explanation…

An official victim of an akuma attack. Someone that the Cure didn’t bring back.

How was it possible?

He entered the office in a daze. Nathalie followed him closely  in worry, but he barely took notice. He just shut the door quietly behind him once they had both entered, then leaned against it. He felt shaky. Off balance.

He had gone to his son’s room to see if he had access to any of the pictures or footage from the fashion show. Or if that journalist friend of his still had her video. Just...anything.

Audrey had called him in such a rage that day. Somehow, the shipments of her latest issue of Style Queen never made it out. Her attempt to recover the issue failed due to multiple holes and entire blank pages where pictures and articles should have been. So she had reached out to him through Nathalie, demanding his involvement and taking his attention away from his duties as Hawk Moth. At the time, he had begrudged her the missed opportunity at another akumatization.

But now…

“That can’t be right.” He murmured to himself. How could this be? How was this even possible?

“Sir?”

“The blank pages and missing pictures were those of myself and my son, as well as any of my son in that hat.”

“The one from the contest?” Nathalie asked, uncertainly.

“Made by a Marinette Dupain-Cheng. A girl who it seems is also missing. And has been for some time…”

He looked to his computer, wondering if he could pull up the information or if that would be gone as well. He had thought it a simple error at first, but the more he searched, the less he found. And now, after hearing his son’s conversation...what else could it be?

“But the Miraculous Cure restores everything.” He continued, almost monotone. “That’s what it does. That’s how it works.”

She hesitated.

“Maybe…not this time?”

He felt unsteady as he made his way to his desk. Perhaps he actually was, as Nathalie had quickly moved to his side to help him to his chair. Given how he felt, he could only assume he probably looked ready to fall over.

“Sir?”

It…it shouldn’t have happened. The Miraculous Cure always undid any damage of the akuma battles. It rebuilt any damaged or destroyed property. Healed injuries. Brought people back from any sort of unwelcome fate. It restored people from being half-melted ice cream sculptures, for crying out loud!

For anyone to have just…NOT been saved was unheard of.

Gabriel had thought he had been prepared for this. But now that he was actually experiencing it, he was…left shaken...

He had known going in that casualties would be a very real possibility, but had reassured himself. It was for the greater good. His family was worth it. Everything would work out in the end. He could just use the Wish to change the world and make it so that none of this had ever happened.

And then Ladybug had appeared with the power to restore things and he was only further convinced. There wouldn’t be any long term damage. No one would be really harmed. Whatever happened could be fixed.

No one would die.

It became almost like a game. He could go all out with little concern for the consequences. If he lost, Ladybug would just use her Cure to fix everything and he would get another chance to try again. And if he won, he could correct things himself.

As such, he ceased to worry about the “what if’s” and focused solely on his goal.

But now a child was gone. As good as dead. Possibly worse.

And this time, magic wouldn’t bring her back.

For not the first time since he had started on this path, Gabriel wondered if it was worth it.

Mademoiselle Dupain-Cheng was an aspiring designer who showed great promise. From his limited interactions with her, he could see she had passion—both for her art and in her life. He had been impressed with what he had seen of her capability, and her level of care for his son was secret only to Adrien himself.

And now she was gone.

And Adrien…his own son was suffering for it.

He had heard from Nathalie how Adrien had been worried for her. How he had gone so far as to go out and search for her in some futile hope of finding her. How he had held onto that hope, trying to reassure himself each day that she would return safely.

Adrien…truly cared about this girl.

He wondered if it was any different to how he felt about Emilie?

What would he think if he learned the truth? If he discovered who Hawk Moth really was? If he knew his father was the reason his friend had been erased.

It was…too much.

Was this a sign?

Was this an indicator that he was going too far?

He should stop. Before more people were hurt. Before his son discovered the truth. He should…

He should stop this.

…

And yet…

Gabriel clenched his eyes shut.

…he couldn’t.

Stopping meant letting go of Emilie. It meant giving up on ever getting her back. Of ever making their family whole.

If he gave up now, that would make all he had done for nothing—including the child’s loss as well.

He was not completely heartless. A missing child would no doubt cause quite a bit of turmoil. It was no wonder Lady WiFi hadn’t listened to him, being too intent on searching for her friend. The feelings that had drawn his akuma to her...similar to the growing feelings settling on a number of Paris’s citizens.

Worry, sadness, fear, anger…all were emotions that would make perfect targets for his akumas. In any other circumstances, he would see fit to use that. However…given his part in this matter, the very thought of using the loss of a child to his advantage—especially when it was his fault—made him feel ill.

He would avoid targeting her friends or family. He owed her that much.

But he…he had to continue.

He had to make it worth it.

Once he saved Emilie, perhaps he could even use the Wish to bring back Miss Dupain-Cheng as well?

Then maybe…

Maybe they would forgive him someday.

________________

Sure enough, a few days later it all came to a head.

When Adrien arrived in class that day after yet another failed attempt at contacting Master Fu, it was to a group of some of his classmates looking particularly concerned and surrounding an upset Juleka. The girl wasn't crying, but she looked to be close as Rose kept an arm around her shoulder and was trying to whisper words of comfort to her. The only ones not present were Max and Nathaniel.

"Don't worry.” Rose reassured her. “I’m sure they've just been misplaced somewhere."

Juleka shook her head firmly. "No. I keep them on my wall. I never move them, but they're just gone."

"Maybe your mom or Luka moved them?" Kim suggested.

"Not without telling me. And I asked them. Neither of them knew anything."

Adrien grew more concerned as he approached the group. "Guys, what's going on?"

Alix glanced over to him and answered. "Juleka's photos are missing."

That was a surprise. He knew how much actually appearing in a photograph meant to the girl. It would have to be upsetting to her to lose any of them.

"They were all the ones from the class photograph.” Mylene explained. "Remember? The ones we took in the park.”

Adrien winced internally before nodding. He had remembered full well that entire incident...and the akuma she turned into because of it...and the heels (god, the heels). They had taken quite a number that day and Juleka had seemed so happy when she went home with copies in hand. "Do you recall where you last left them?"

Juleka appeared more morose. "They're on my wall. They're always right there and I can't miss them. I put them up immediately after getting home and haven't moved them since. I know I saw them there yesterday, but when I got up this morning, the wall was completely blank."

"That's really weird.” Alya chimed in. "And you're saying no one moved them?"

Juleka shook her head.

The other classmates glanced to each other, appearing more uncertain. Adrien himself started to gain an unsettling feeling.

"I keep them all posted on a board in my room. They're right there and I can't miss them, but when I looked this morning…” She shook her head.

"I never move them."

"Maybe it's a prank?” Kim asked, but he sounded uncertain. If it was a prank, it was a cruel and rather pointless one.

Alix seemed to share that sentiment. "It's not a funny one. Who would even do that?"

The group looked around at each other. They were really the only ones who even knew Juleka's "curse” or about the pictures. But each of them simply looked confused over the matter.

"It couldn't have been a prank.” Ivan insisted. "Luka would never do that and their mother would punch out anyone who tried."

Mylene frowned, considering. "Juleka's house is a boat. One housing three people and isn't that big that someone could sneak on board without being seen."

“It’d be a pointless thing to do—sneak onto a boat just to mess with pictures and nothing else.” Kim noted. “Was anything else missing?”

Juleka shook her head. “Not that I know of. Just my pictures.”

"It's okay." Rose said, trying to be cheerful and calm her upset friend. "I have a couple extras of the photos we took in my notebook. We can copy them and replace the ones that went missing."

It wasn’t quite the same, but it was a suitable alternative for now. So with a solution to the more immediate problem at hand, Rose shared a bright smile that Juleka tried to return—albeit with a much more strained and shaky one. Rose didn't comment, instead going to her desk and pulling out her book bag.

“I keep them right in—”

The others looked over in confusion as Rose suddenly cut off, her expression turning confused.

"Rose? Everything okay?” Alix asked, growing worried at the prolonged silence.

Rose bit her lip and turned back to the group. "Did one of you maybe already take my notebook?"

Confusion seemed to be the theme of the day, as the classmates again glanced at one another before looking back to Rose.

"I'm not mad or anything!” Rose said, attempting to reassure them. "Since it's for Juleka, but if you already have it, I'd like to know where it is."

"Wait...are you saying your notebook is missing, too?" Nino asked.

Rose bit her lip, uncertain. "I don't—I mean, I guess so?"

"That's strange." Adrien said with a frown. He turned to the rest of the group in growing concern. "Look around. Is anyone else missing anything?"

The rest of the class searched through their bags, but fortunately, no one else seemed to be missing anything.

“That is odd. First Juleka’s pictures, then Rose’s diary? Why those things?” Alya wondered. She muttered to herself about an akuma and checked her blog to see if anyone had posted any similar cases on the matter.

The rest of the class took it upon themselves to try and offer some reassurance to the two girls that their items would be found.

“Maybe we can check the cameras?” Ivan suggested.

“That’s a lot of footage to go through though.” Nino pointed out.

“I bet Markov could go through it pretty quick.” Kim replied with a grin.

Adrien looked around at his classmates. It was good to see them mostly recovered from the ordeal with Lila and trying to help each other. But he couldn’t shake the feeling something was strange.

He could almost get a sense for it before he was interrupted by the timely yet untimely arrival of Max.

Kim smiled in relief at the sight of his friend. “Hey, Max! Buddy! Think you and Markov could give us a hand with a little investigation? Rose and Juleka seem to be missing some things and we figured maybe you could help!”

Max, for his part, looked concerned and a bit guilty. "I'm sorry, but Markov and I are already busy trying to assist Nathaniel and Marc. It seems that somehow, their collaborative comic has been erased."

Multiple gasp and moans of horror and disappointment filled the room at that. Everyone really enjoyed that comic and they had been really looking forward to the next installment.

"Do you know what caused it?" Mylene asked.

"We've been doing everything we could, but we haven't been able to find anything about the comic in the computer. I suspect it may be a virus of some kind, but there's no trace of anything of the sort. We're trying to help them work this out. They had gotten a lot of work done on this comic and I'd hate to see it lost."

"I'm sure you'll figure it out. You're amazing when it comes to technology." Kim said with a grin, fully confident in his friend's capabilities.

But Max didn't look enthused. "I'm not so sure. Markov can't find any trace of an outside program or of the comic even being there.” He waved his hands. “It’s like it just…vanished!”

Adrien frowned. Three things in one day. It…couldn’t just be coincidence, could it?

“Can it do that?”

“Not like that. Not normally.”

"This is strange.” Mylene said anxiously, gripping Ivan’s hand. “A lot of things seem to be missing."

Alya frowned, looking at her phone. "Speaking of strange things, I just got a hit to the Ladyblog. It's Marinette's parents. They want to talk to Ladybug and Chat Noir as soon as possible."

Several of the classmates perked in surprise.

“Could it be an akuma?”

“Do you think they’re okay?”

“Did they find something about Marinette?”

“But why call for Ladybug and Chat Noir then?”

“Huh? Hey, Adrien, where are you going? Class is about to start!”

Adrien barely took notice. He was already out the door.

______________________

If he hadn't already received the message, Chat would have known immediately that something was wrong. Rolland and Gina Dupain were present at the bakery. He knew little regarding the Dupain family, but he had been under the impression that the two were not on good terms. But they were actually working together without issue, with Gina working the counter and Rolland working the kitchen with nary a grumble regarding the bread.

When Chat arrived, Gina immediately called for Tom. And within seconds, he was quickly rushed in by the much taller man, who…did not look well.

The giant, kind bear of a man looked like he had aged since the last time he had seen him. Not to any great or unnatural extent, but it was clear that stress had impacted him.

Losing a child would do that to you, he realized. But whatever else was going on was certainly doing him no favors.

"Thank you for coming." Tom said with clear relief as he opened the door.

Chat nodded in return as he entered. "It's not a problem. But your message sounded urgent. Has there been any word on Marinette?" Like hopefully that she returned and the bakery was closed so the parents could smother her in affection?

He was hopeful. He was a hopeful guy.

Tom shook his head. "I don't know how to explain it. It's best if you see it for yourself." With that, he led the way through the back. Chat followed with some growing trepidation and jumped when he entered the living area.

Sabine was there. Her gaze practically snapped to him the instant he appeared, though she didn't otherwise move. The woman was sitting on the couch, clutching a box of what appeared to contain an assortment of clothes and dolls. Marinette's things, he realized. But why? Comfort, perhaps?

But Sabine didn't look sad or in need of comfort. If anything, her expression made him wary to approach her. She looked upset no—not just upset, but downright angry. She was on guard and watching him with a strange sort of hypervigilance. Like she'd literally bite his hand off if he got too close. He had no doubt that magical suit or not, the woman probably could.

Chat had thought the grandparents had looked particularly tired. Like perhaps they hadn’t slept in a while. But Tom and Sabine both looked like they had slept even less.

For her part, Sabine’s eyes narrowed at him and she pulled the box closer to her and as out of his sight as possible. It bothered him, because it was strange for someone to be clutching a box like that. She wasn't looking to the things inside for solace, she was warily watching everything else around her.

Something was wrong.

More wrong, he amended.

"We noticed it after a few days, but we didn't know what to think." Tom said, softly as he continued to lead the hero up the stairs and through the house. "It looked like some of her things had been moved around. At first we thought that maybe she'd found a way back home. Or that she was trying to communicate with us somehow. But... “He opened the door and allowed Chat into the room.

When Chat finally entered Marinette's room, he couldn't help feeling bewildered.

Was it always this empty, he wondered? He glanced around at the different areas of Marinette's room, noting the differences and the overall"¦lacking. The walls were missing pictures. There was nothing on the desk. The mannequin that was normally adorned with the beginnings of some sort of outfit or new piece wasn't even present, leaving a sadly empty space in the room. There weren't even the knick knacks or textiles or yarn or cloth pieces that he remembered seeing previously. It looked like a room. It even looked like someone lived in it. But it was bare of a lot of what made it Marinette's.

Tom looked around the room in growing dismay. "It's getting worse."

Chat blinked in confusion. "What?"

"The posters are gone now. So are the gloves she had been working on. Several of the pictures changed before they disappeared." Tom looked to Chat, eyes begging for an answer. "We checked frequently, but bit by bit, they were gone before we realized it. It's like they're just...”

"They're fading." Chat realized in growing horror. He'd started to suspect, given Juleka's pictures and Rose's diary, but this confirmed it.

This wasn't natural.

Marinette didn't run away. Nothing so simple could explain what he had been seeing so far. No human could pull this off, and he knew Marinette was far from the sort to even try, no matter the reason. This was magic, he was sure of it.

"Sabine and I have been taking shifts. Whenever we looked away, something else was gone. So we just...” He shrugged helplessly before gesturing down the ladder.

Downstairs. To where Sabine sat hoarding a box with all the ferocity of a dragon guarding its gold.

He understood now. Marinette's mother wasn't holding onto Marinette's belongings out of missing her child, she was literally trying to keep them from disappearing!

Her room. The pictures. The notebook. The comic. They were all connected by her influence. Everything Marinette owned or had a part in was starting to fade away. Her parents figured it out and they were trying to protect what was left of their daughter.

He clenched his fists.

He had to talk to Ladybug.

______________________

How frustrating.

It had been weeks, but Ladybug had made little progress in her self appointed mission to track down Hawk Moth. And it had been vexing, especially given his recent silence. Other than Lady Wifi, there hadn’t been any other akuma attacks. Even in spite of the more despondent atmosphere she had noticed around the Francois Dupont school as of late.

He must be planning something...

Surely there had to be some minor issue he would consider escalating to akuma-worthy. That incident in the park with that strange old man certainly stood out in her mind as one such missed opportunity for the supervillain.

...who even was that man? He acted like he knew her and was spouting...the strangest things.

Who she was before she became Ladybug? Someone beneath the mask? He ‘knew’ her?

Ridiculous.

Clearly he had been suffering some ailment when he happened upon her.

She sighed.

It was unfortunate really. For a brief moment there, she had almost thought the man had known something valuable. He had seemed so earnest. And she could almost swear he seemed...familiar? Like she had met him somewhere before.

She rubbed her head, trying to recall. It wasn’t just this time or the one incident before. Maybe she had rescued him once? Maybe he was one of the civilians she had chatted with on some previous occasion? And that could be how he thought he knew her?

Maybe...

“Ladybug! LADYBUG!”

At the sound of someone calling for her, she stopped and turned around to see Chat running towards her. She was glad to see him again, but from his expression and the way he was running, it looked like this wasn’t a social visit.

“Chat? Is everything all right?” She asked once he had finally reached her. “Is there an akuma?”

“No! I mean yes! I mean—not exactly!” He shook his head. “Sorry, just…”

She couldn’t understand him through his babbling. Ladybug frowned and held her hands out, gesturing for his silence to get his attention.

“Chat, calm down and breathe. Then tell me what is wrong.”

To her further annoyance, he took a deep—somewhat exaggerated breath. If nothing else, however, it did serve to get him to settle and be able to speak normally.

“Listen, I think something may have gone wrong in the last akuma battle. Well—not the last one, but the last last one.”

…semi-normally.

At least she could understand him, at any rate.

Still, that was concerning. “What do you mean?”

She had stopped that akuma, hadn’t she?

“A friend of mine disappeared after that battle and never reappeared. Now she’s missing.”

“You mean that Marinette girl? Chat, it’s likely she may have run away.”

“NO. She didn’t. I was worried about that at first, but she wouldn’t and I was right. Other things are disappearing now! Everything of hers or that she had a hand in is literally fading away! She had to have been hit by that erasing akuma.”

“That’s impossible. The Miraculous Cure fixes all the damage caused by an akuma fight.”

“But Marinette hasn’t returned!”

“Then maybe she wasn’t involved with the akuma fight at all.”

“Her things are disappearing! Anything that reminds people of her are suddenly vanishing if people aren’t constantly watching them! That’s not normal! That’s magic.”

“Did you actually see anything disappear?”

He paused.

“Well—not directly myself, no.” He admitted, rubbing his head. “But a lot of people have said things are disappearing. And they all seem to be things she had some involvement or influence in.”

Marinette had come up with the idea for Rose’s journal after Chloe had insulted it. She had helped Juleka break her curse and take all those fun photos to make up for the class picture. Marc and Nathaniel’s comic only got started because Marinette had introduced them. And from what he saw at the bakery, the effect was expanding.

He froze, a creeping realization sinking in.

If it was expanding, just how much would be gone?

“But if you haven’t seen it, then how do you know that it’s an akuma?”

“But they said—”

She shook her head. “Chat, it could just be coincidence. People misplace things. Lose things. Throw things away and forget about them. It happens. That doesn’t make it noteworthy and doesn’t mean it’s magic. Sometimes, those things are just gone.”

“But they—”

“You have to face facts, Chat Noir. If she’s gone, she may not return.”

He’d had enough.

“What is WRONG with you?”

He had plenty of times where he felt annoyed or angry with Ladybug. When she rejected him. When she kept secrets. When she didn’t seem to take him seriously. Looking back, those instances seemed so incredibly petty compared to how he felt in this moment.

Never had he ever wanted to shake her the way he did now.

“A girl is missing! She is literally fading from existence and you don’t care!”

“Chat, you don’t even know that’s actually the case! There are other things to worry about right now!”

“This is a person’s LIFE AT STAKE!”

Ladybug simply looked unimpressed. “Everyone’s life is at stake against Hawk Moth, Chat! And you would have me put him on hold just for one person?”

“She isn’t just one person!”

She was a person! She had a name! And a family! And friends! And a dream! She was an up and coming designer! Jagged Stone’s artist! Their class representative! His classmate!

She...

She was his...

Now Ladybug looked almost...sad? Disappointed?

“You’re too attached to this girl to think about this objectively, Chat. You are letting your emotions cloud your judgement. As a hero, you need to be impartial.”

He grit his teeth.

He wanted to say something.

He wanted to say so much.

But instead, he turned tail and stormed off.

It was Ladybug. His partner. The person he would follow in any crisis. He knew to an extent that she had a point, because yeah, he had a tendency to act on his emotions rather than think things through. But...she sounded like she didn’t care.

What else could he do?

So he ran away.

But Ladybug...

She simply stood there. Her head tilted in confusion as she watched him go. She watched for a minute before she shrugged it off and turned away. She didn't try to go after him. Not once did she call out to him.

Her partner was running away from her...

...and she just let him.

______________________

Tom knew something was wrong.

It had been a busy day in the bakery. Despite the circumstances in the current situation with her daughter being missing, they couldn't just keep the bakery closed. After all, Marinette had to have a place to come back to at some point. And they needed to keep living.

But that didn't mean it wasn't hard.

Tom and Sabine had been torn. In their current state, they were hard pressed to keep the bakery running and also focus on efforts to find their daughter. It was even worse now that they had distinct reason to believe magic was involved.

It had been fortunate that both Gina and Rolland had been willing to put their differences and issues aside to come help. They had been a substantial support during this time. When Tom had reached out to them, Gina had cut short her trip to Peru to fly back to Paris and assist, mentioning using her connections to deal with some of the cartels in the area known for human trafficking on the chance they happened to be involved. And Rolland had taken to the traditional methods of posting Marinette’s MISSING picture at various locations.

Seeing the current situation with the parents, both had gone so far as to agree to help in the bakery. Gina had agreed to manage the storefront while Rolland had taken to helping in the kitchen. Surprisingly with minimal complaint about the bread. And even willing to close his own bakery in the meantime.

He was still difficult, but it was clear the man was trying. And he was more help than not.

This allowed Tom and Sabine to be able to breathe. There were points where one or the other would have to go to the back when things got to be too much. From the normal stress of the job itself to the pitying looks and questions they would sometimes get. And now to try to keep count of what else of their daughter’s had disappeared when they weren’t looking. Which meant they had taken to shifts during the night as well in hopes that their presence would slow down the process.

Sabine had been quite focused on this for the past few days, willing to leave the majority of the bakery work to the other three. But one could only spend so long staring at a box and a slowly emptying room, and she had eventually agreed to Tom’s pleas to just try to return to a regular work day if only to restore a sense of normalcy.

...he should have realized something was up the instant she had agreed.

She had switched with Gina in working the front and dealing with the customers. Plastering a perfect smile and jovial tone, as if her world wasn’t crumbling. He was concerned with her state, but Tom had wondered if this wasn’t her way of trying to cope. Sabine had long had a way of being a pillar of calm in any storm, so he had decided to trust in her.

But then there were the more...delicate customers.

Enrique Arnette was never an easy man to deal with. Pretentious, high-handed, and with a need to be catered to in a way that rivaled with Audrey Bourgeois. He could be her brother, all things considered. They were both loud and full of themselves. Only she, at least, had the power and capability to back her.

Unlike Audrey, Enrique was just loud. Loud and entitled. He was well known for being picky and making specific demands that some questioned might be less about what he actually wanted and more about looking for a reason to get upset and cause a fuss. But Tom and Sabine's Bakery seemed to be one of the few places capable of meeting his picky and overly extravagant standards.

Usually, Sabine was more than capable of handling him or any other contrary customer.

But today...

"What is this? Are you supposed to be a bakery or a crematorium?"

It was like nothing she did was satisfactory.

It might have been the stress getting to her. Tom would have believed that.

Except that the smile on her face was like ice. And her eyes were like steel. When he tried to step in to take over handling the order, Sabine clutched the plate in an iron grip. And as she looked up at him, her gaze was downright unnerving.

"Let me handle this."

Tom didn't dare disagree. He just watched and waited anxiously to the side as Sabine continued to try and fail to fulfill his order.

It was too cooked.

There was too much syrup.

The fruit was mashed.

The design was poorly done.

As Enrique became more frustrated, Tom noticed how Sabine neither stood up to the verbal tirade, nor did she apologize.

And his wife's expression was a knowing one.

It was...unusual for her. If he didn't know better...or maybe because he did know better, he couldn't stop himself from wondering if it was intentional?

The way she was messing up the order so many times was not like her, to the point he could swear it was on purpose. And her attitude and responses, while not outright rude, were not customer-friendly and were certainly far from her norm.

Was she...trying to upset him?

"What kind of service is this?!" The man demanded.

Tom stepped forward. "Dear, why don't I handle this and you can take a break, okay?"

But Sabine didn't even look at Tom. Her gaze remained fully on Enrique.

"If it is so displeasing to you, perhaps you would find service more befitting of your station in a dumpster?"

Everyone froze.

Sabine was many things. Matronly. Firm at times when needed. Soft at other times when it isn't. Fully willing to stand up to people.

But she was never rude. And she would never insult anyone like this.

Enrique’s face turned red in growing rage.

"What did you say?"

“Are you deaf?” She asked him congenially in a tone and manner as if she was commenting on the weather instead of actively insulting the man. “Or is there as much trash filling your ears as there is your mouth?”

Tom gaped momentarily before moving forward to intervene. “Sabine, why don’t you just—”

“HOW DARE YOU?!” Enrique shouted, almost on the verge of a shriek. “I have NEVER been so insulted in my life!”

“Then clearly people weren’t trying hard enough.” Sabine shot back derisively. “If you aren’t going to take your needlessly complicated and pretentious order, then get out and let someone else.”

Gasps and murmurs resounded.

He turned up his nose. “I won’t pay a euro for that mess or your attitude! If anything, you should be paying ME at this point for the insult! And trust me, I WILL be making you pay!”

Shouts of alarm got Tom’s attention, along with the sound of wings.

“Oh no!”

And akuma had gotten into the store, no doubt attracted to Enrique’s indignation as it fluttered its way towards the irate man.

Except that in the second before the akuma could reach him and assimilate into his watch—

SLAM!

Sabine had caught the akuma in midair before it could reach Enrique, her hand covered in an old worn oven mitt.

Everyone jerked back in shock and growing horror.

But Tom just stared in sorrowful realization.

He recognized that mitt. It was one of the first things Marinette had made and gifted to her mother.

It was one of her few possessions that remained.

One that Sabine had refused to part with.

"No." He murmured. "Sabine. Honey, no.”

His wife couldn't hear him.

The glowing mask was indicative that it was already too late.

[lunaralight09]

Could you do books that the scps might read?

Books that the SCPs might read

SCP 035 Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins Anna is shipped off to boarding school in Paris where she meets the super-charming Etienne, and that's when things get interesting. I was a squealing, giggly, mush-fest all the while through reading this book. Stephanie Perkins knows just how to turn a seemingly ordinary love story into an unputdownable read. SCP 040 Your Brain Needs a Hug: Life, Love, Mental Health, and Sandwiches Just the title of this book by Rae Earl makes us feel a little lighter. And we don’t know about you, but our brains could definitely use a hug right now. While the book is geared towards teens, we found Earl’s advice to be relevant for all ages — particularly for anyone who struggles with depression, anxiety, social media addiction, and self-esteem issues. TBH, pretty much anyone can benefit from this book! SCP 049 And the Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini And the Mountains Echoed is such an amazing and heartwarming read. It's about a pair of siblings that fate cruelly separates and then finally reunites. A must-read for its simple yet gripping narration and amiable characters. SCP 049-j The Red Notebook by Antoine Laurain This is a French romance novella, and basically a love letter to book lovers. There's mystery, romance, and some of the most beautifully crafted sentences and paragraphs I have ever read. The ending is so sweet, even though you wonder how you ever got there so soon. SCP 053 Lulu and the Rabbit Next Door by Hilary McKay Lulu and her cousin help their neighbor Arthur learn to love and care for his (neglected) rabbit. She doesn’t want her neighbor to feel bad so she writes the rabbit little notes with helpful gifts signed from her own pet rabbit named Thumper. It’s a kind way to show Arthur how to take care of his new pet SCP 073 HumanKind: Changing the World One Small Act At a Time Looking for heart-warming stories of kindness and compassion? HumanKind by Brad Aronson was made for you. But the book isn’t only full of uplifting stories that will move you to happy tears, it’s also packed with practical and actionable tips for how to be kinder in your everyday. One thing is for sure: after you put this book down, you’ll feel inspired to do something nice for someone else. And because of that, we think this is one of the best books on the planet! SCP 076 Do Unto Animals We absolutely DEVOURED this book by Tracey Stewart. Whether you’re looking for tips on how to better understand skunks and squirrels or read your pet’s body language, every page is full of compassionate wisdom about to treat animals in a way that they deserve. Also, the illustrations are absolutely beautiful — we nearly wanted to pet the pages because the animal drawings were so lovable. SCP 079 Walden (Henry David Thoreau) With the outdoorsman renaissance happening as we speak, it is nice to look back at one of the books that probably started it. Walden isn’t the bore you read back in middle school, it takes time to appreciate like a nice bottle of red. Thoreau’s masterpiece tackles so much while quietly nudging your brain into activity. It also makes you want to build a cabin SCP 096 Black Beauty by Anna Sewell Told from the perspective of the horse, this story is so beautifully written that it's easy to get lost in it's pages. I laughed and cried, as did my daughter when she read it. SCP 105 Dandelion Wine by Ray Bradbury Warm and fuzzy the whole way through, Dandelion Wine is by far the best story to make you feel good. Though I'm not the correct age to directly relate to the young adult story, I still felt the warm summer days and the wonder of it all. SCP 106 Catch-22 – Joseph Heller “War is hell,” is the old adage we all know, but Catch-22 looks to modify that a bit. Instead, war becomes super goddamn weird. The book follows a bomber squadron in the Second World War whose collective sanity is slowly being eroded by whatever passes for power. Throughout it all, the main character keeps trying to prove himself insane enough to be kicked out of the Navy, which is precisely why he can’t

be kicked out. Which is a catch 22 and yes, this is where the phrase comes from. It’s a great extrapolation of quirks and idiosyncrasies we see in day to day life, only this time, they’re affecting war SCP 134 (I know she don't have eyes . But there is a books for blind people) A Mango-Shaped Space by Wendy Mass A Mango-Shaped Space is about a 13-year-old girl with synesthesia (she can see, taste, and hear colors) and her journey in getting a diagnosis and accepting herself and all her differences. It's sort of a coming-of-age story, too. As someone with multiple chronic illnesses who has gone through the same process at the same age, this really was an incredible reading experience. One of my favorite quotes is "We all do the best we can, trying to keep all the balls in the air at once." I recommend it to everyone. SCP 173 Rabbit, Run (John Updike) The greatest mid-life crisis novel of all time doesn’t actually deal with a mid-life crisis at all. Harry “Rabbit” Angstrom is 26 when he decides to leave his wife and son for a new life. Of course, what that new life is, and what exactly he wants out of it isn’t clear to the reader or to Rabbit himself. It will strike a cord with all men who struggle with the idea of settling down. SCP 239 The Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling SCP 682 THE WOLF AND THE WATCHMAN BY NIKLAS NATT OCH DAG If you're the kind of person that can't get enough of Scandi noir films, TV shows and literature, then Niklas Natt och Dag's The Wolf And The Watchman should be next on your reading list. Set in 18th-century Stockholm, this tale is as dark as it gets, following the titular watchman and a detective as they hunt down the killer behind a dismembered corpse that appears in a local pond. As gruesome as it is gripping, it's the perfect literary companion as the nights get longer and increasingly eerie. SCP 847 The Case Against Satan by Ray Russell Two priests are called in to examine a girl who might be possessed by the devil. The Exorcist, right? Nope, it’s Ray Russell‘s The Case Against Satan, a novel of theological horror that beat William Peter Blatty’s book to print by eight years. The Case Against Satan is as much the story of a crisis of faith as it is a supernatural tale, and readers looking for a nuanced take on both should give it a try SCP 953 THE PILLOW BOOK BY SEI SHŌNAGON If you want to learn a bit more about the Japan of the past – and also, weirdly, all of us in the present – The Pillow Book is a cult classic you should absolutely try. Sei Shōnagon was a lady-in-waiting in the court of Empress Teishi in the year 1000 and here she collects her thoughts and musings about court life. To read a woman more than 1,000 years ago being as philosophical, neurotic and scandalous as anyone is today on social media is a thrill that lasts from the start to the end. SCP 1678 Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden Absolutely moving, the struggles Sayuri faces are painted so beautifully by Arthur Golden's masterful craft that you totally empathize with her as she grows and triumphs in a world designed to see her fail. The ultimate conclusion of the novel fills me with such warmth — it's both entirely unexpected and wholeheartedly appreciated.

[saint-cichol-is-watching]

Their reactions to you breaking up with them // Part One

LUCIFER // BEELZEBUB // BELPHEGOR // DIAVOLO // SIMEON

Part Two (Mammon/Leviathan/Satan/Asmodeus/Barbatos) will come later this week ! It was supposed to come out with everyone else but I just wasn’t satisfied with some (cough Satan cough Barbatos) so I decided to split it into two parts and release the second one later ! ☺️

This idea suddenly popped in the middle of the night into my mind and I can’t ignore it so bear with me.

(Also sorry for the angst if you aren’t new here you should be used to it by now)

Fun fact I’m actually writing this while listening to ‘Left & RIght’ by SVT and let me tell you this does not fit the vibe at all, but it works lmao

MASTERLIST

NB: This is all made under the assumption that the boys love and respect you enough not to kill you right on the spot of course and that they’re not crazy enough (at least not anymore) to lock you up in i don’t know an attic for example

+ Also this goes without saying that most of these if not all are not “we should stay friends” kind of breakup, it’s more of a “it doesn’t work anymore we should stop seeing each other” kind of breakup.

(Sorry for the delay I got a bit sick yesterday and couldn’t find enough strengh to open my computer and actually concentrate)

—

The one who acted like it doesn’t affect him in any way.

He gave you his everything and that’s what you gave back to him? How preposturous!

He was mad. 

But he refused to show it. His pride and ego were so important to him and to him at the moment they were the only thing he could still salvage from this humiliation.

Which is why everytime he saw you afterwards, he looked at you for a milisecond before scoffing and averting his eyes before walking away from the room, his head held up high to the point it hurted his neck.

But the fact that he tried to stay proud didn’t mean breaking up with you didn’t hurt.

Because it did. And he hated every part of this.

You probably surprised him once or twice at night in the music room lazily playing a few notes on the piano with a glass of wine as his only company. 

Muttering words that you couldn’t quite understand without having to get closer, but you could feel each and everyone of them dripping with bitterness and pain.

After all of this Lucifer wanted to hate you, he truly did. But he couldn’t, and it was absolutely infuriating to him. 

He, Lucifer, the Avatar of Pride, one of the most powerful demons in the entire Devildom, the right-hand-man to the prince himself, fell in love with a mere weak human. And yet he was the only one left suffering. 

How humiliating.

Beel was actually surprised by how much it didn’t hurt.

A break up is normally painful, but appart from a little pinch in his heart  his body was completely numb to the pain.

So he didn’t try to fight it. He simply accepted it and watched you walk away. After all your happiness was always his first priority and it didn’t hurt that much so it was okay... right?

But over the days you, along with the other brothers noticed a slight change in Beel’s behavior. 

Which from his perspective was coincidental with the pain from his heart spreading more and more inside of him.

It started with a lack of appetite which, coming from him, was worrying of course but you all assumed it was his way of “coping” and that he would be back eating in no time.

But it didn’t happen like that. The lack of appetite was suddenly added to a tighter grip on things. At some points you had all lost track of the times you walked on Beel staring intensely at a doorknob that he accidentally ripped off its handles.

Then it escalated. It wasn’t object he was unconsciously hurting it was now other people as well, slapping their hand away or bumping into them hard.

Until one day he found himself into a fight with a lesser demon that to your knowledge hadn’t done anything to set him off. It took the the combined strenght of Lucifer, Mammon and Belphegor to get Beel off the demon. 

And it took him one glance your direction to stop fighting his brothers. He saw you look at him as if you didn’t recognize him, as if you were wondering where was the Beel you knew, the one who was kind and loving. And he started crying. 

The numbness of his body was finally wearing off to reveal all of the pain it had been hiding.

Probably the messiest breakup since first he just refuses to even aknowledge what you said.

You saved his life. He was living a life filled with hatred and despair since Lilith’s death and you came in, and while things happened that he is definitely not proud of, your forgave him and gave him a new chance at life where he could have fun with you and everybody else.

He had been latching onto you since that day, his only goal in life was you. You were his life line.

That’s why he refused to break up. That’s why he said “no” as soon as the words were out of your mouth.

You tried to tell him that’s it’s not his choice but he wouldn’t hear it. He was not going to let you go. 

A big fight exploded between you two, so vehement that some of the brothers who heard the ruckus rushed over to see what was wrong.

After a while they managed to cool you down and you finally got a look at his face. And you saw nothing but pain. 

With his emotions exposed like that in front you and everybody else Belphegor got really embarrassed, cursed under his breath under his breath and then turn around to run away. Far from you.

Not knowing what to do he somehow found his way back in the attic where he stayed on his own accord this time. He stayed there day and night refusing to go out. Afraid that he was going to see you again.

At that moment he didn’t hate humans as much as he did before he met you, but now after what you had said he couldn’t help but let a newfound yet familiar grudge grow inside him once again. He didn’t want to trust humans anymore. 

Probably and surprisingly the most crushed out of all of them. 

You. Out of all people, you were abandoning him.

You were the most intimate and the closest relationship he ever had. You were his entire world, he gave you everything he could give. This man almost worshipped you for loving him. And you were pulling away from him ?

All you see in his face is utter disbelief... And pain.

He doesn’t say a word, his knees simply give out and without ever breaking eye contact with you he crashes on the floor. 

When you decided walk away, he continued to look at you until you truly disappeared.

Afterwards, in public, he acted like he always did, he had this happy persona for more than a thousand years he knew how to make it look like he was feeling alright.

But you noticed. Because he avoided every plausible contact with you. He acted like you weren’t part of his world anymore because he knew that if he did so much as to look at you his smile would immediately falter. 

He wanted you back. Nobody could have wanted someone back more than he wanted you. You were the first person whom he ever loved and the first person who ever truly loved him back. 

He always thought he lived a life only filled with solitude until you single-handledly showed him that he wasn’t alone as he thought. Until you told him that with you by his side he would never feel alone anymore.

He thought about bringing you back by force, using his privileges as the Devildom Prince and only ruler to get you to fulfill the promise that you made to him. 

He actually nearly made it happen. 

But was advised by both Lucifer and Barbatos that it would be a bad idea and, while he did it reluctantly, he ultimately agreed. 

But he never felt so alone.

Surprisingly Simeon was the one who had the most trouble understanding why you wanted to break it off.

The only thoughts running thorugh his mind at the moment were : “What happened ? What did he do wrong?”

He was always so careful with you, so romantic, so understanding, so... perfect. 

There was no other word, he was a perfect boyfriend. He always did what he thought was right. He always treated you right. So why did you break up with him?

Simeon was a smart man, he wrote countless times about love too but he truly couldn’t comprehend the fact you wanted to end your relationship.

He thought was you had was so special, he was in love with you. Every moment that he spent with you was precious to him. 

And he couldn’t get around the fact that you didn’t feel the same anymore.

But he did let you go though.

Without asking any questions or giving much of a fight because even there he wanted to put your feelings first.

He didn’t even cry, nor complained. He just caressed your cheek one last time with his long fingers, making sure to remember the softness of your skin and the shape of your jaw. 

He looked at every detail of your face and he memorized them all knowing it would be the last time he would ever be allowed to be so close to you.

Then he layed his lips on your forehead for the last kiss he could give you and whispered, his voice trembling, so slightly that you barely even noticed it :

“If that’s what you want”

The first time he saw you again afterward he tried to make his way to you to talk with you as if you were back to friends. but as soon as he saw you shifting awkwardly while you looked at him he stopped in his tracks, gave you a small smile and turned around. 

Once again putting your feelings first.

[cogentranting]

Sharon acted as sort of the voice of Sam’s disillusionment in this episode. Or maybe as one end of the spectrum of disillusionment and belief that Sam is struggling on. She’s the voice in Sam’s ear saying “it’s all a lie, it’s all fake, don’t believe in any of it, just look out for yourself. The hero thing is garbage.” (and for the record, I totally get why that’s where she’s at right now. I don’t blame her but it’s also clear that she’s very bitter at the moment). 

Sam’s certainly not as far down that spectrum as Sharon is, but she manages to pull him that way, if not by what she says than by her situation, the way she got screwed over. And he has plenty of reason for that same disillusionment and bitterness. A lot of Sam’s role in this episode was also as an observer. Not that he was a passive character, but his character arc for the episode mainly had him watching-- seeing the inner workings of Zemo, seeing Sharon’s new mercenary lifestyle, seeing the criminal underworld, seeing Bucky’s role in all that, seeing people do things that are shady at best terrible at worst because they feel those things are necessary. It’s not that Sam is naïve but he’s never been IN that world before and with the way his perspective is shifting because of the way he’s being shoved aside and rejected in his life, hearing Isaiah’s story,  and seeing how someone like Sharon who was heroic gets abandoned to this life (or even how Bucky was-- this episode paints a pretty clear trajectory of the Howling Commando, Cap’s right hand being turned into a “pet psychopath” being traded around the criminal underworld) -- after all that Sam’s perspective has shifted and seeing this world is affecting him more than it might have at another point in his life. That’s why by the end of the episode we see a major change in Sam’s position. He suggests that instead of putting the Shield in the museum he should have destroyed it. And if we’re just talking about the Shield as an object that’s not a terrible idea (logistical issues aside)-- it’s just a piece of metal, and by destroying it he would have prevented, or at least made it more difficult, someone like Walker from coming in and using it as a status symbol. But the Shield in this show is never just an object. By placing the Shield in the museum, Sam took a position that Steve’s legacy, the things he stood for and fought for, were to be admired and looked to as an example, but that no one could/should take on that mantle to continue that. I don’t really have the space here to parse out all the ideological implications of that, or the myriad of reasons why Sam took the stance, but plenty of other people have and that’s not really my point. My point is that destroying the Shield is an entirely different stance. Destroying the Shield, indicates a loss of faith in the very things that the Shield stands for. It’s a statement that the legacy the Shield represents, the things Steve represented, stood for and fought for, are either ultimately hollow and worthless (as Sharon currently believes) or are something that is actively dangerous to believe in or preserve (as Zemo believes).  Sam doesn’t fully believe either of these things. I think he made the comment about destroying the Shield as reaction to everything going on around him, sort of lashing out. In that moment, given the opportunity, I don’t think he would have gone through with it. But he’s on the edge of that point. 

However, where we have Sharon and Zemo on one side of that Spectrum, in Sam’s ear, in this episode Bucky was on the other side of that spectrum. Bucky is the one still defending the need for someone to take up the Shield. And both Zemo and Sharon used him as an example of the idealism that they are so against-- Sharon when she says to Bucky “Please, you buy into all that stars and stripes crap. ... You were Mr. America! Cap’s best friend!” and Zemo when they’re on the plane and he talks about Bucky’s role in WWII. This is interesting because Bucky is being positioned as the balance against Zemo and Sharon’s cynicism, but Bucky isn’t normally what you’d think of as an optimistic character. 

But Bucky is in that position in this debate. He even goes so far as to say that before Sam destroys it, he would take up the Shield himself. That’s an interesting position for Bucky to take because he hasn’t expressed any interest or even any thought of something like that before. He’s certainly not placing himself in front of Sam in his estimation of who deserves the Shield (just in front of Walker), and I think his ideal is still for Sam to take the Shield. I’m might even go so far to say that Bucky views taking on the Shield himself as a last resort-- he doesn’t want it but he believes so strongly in the need for someone to uphold that legacy that he would do it himself if it meant keeping it going and keeping it out of the hands of someone like Walker. Bucky isn’t good at expressing what that Shield means to him but it means a lot. 

I think that the reason why Bucky believes in the Shield and its importance more than anyone else is going to be central to why Sam eventually takes on the Shield, if Bucky can ever manage to actually express that reason. I know there will be arguments that the reason Bucky believes in it is because he doesn’t understand all the reasons that Sam (and somewhat Sharon) has to not believe in. He’s not a black man. He doesn’t experience that racism. And that’s true in part. He knows that the racism is there, but he has a lot he needs to learn about what that actually means for Sam. But I don’t think it’s some starry-eyed, rose-colored view of America that Bucky has faith in. Bucky’s own story is not free from the influence of the worst side of America. You could make an argument about the way that he’s treated as a veteran, or the way he was hunted in Civil War, or the way he’s controlled now. But at the most basic level, Bucky worked for Hydra for decades and saw the worst side of political machinations. And yes, Hydra is a separate thing because it is a fictional blatantly evil organization. But if we’re looking at the symbolic side of the Shield we have to look at the symbolic side of Hydra as well. The point of Winter Soldier was not “oh there are spies sneaking into the government to get us”, it was that the actual members were corrupt, that there was rot in the institutions. So when looking at the actual meaning behind Hydra, Bucky was both a victim of and an instrument of the very worst parts of the American government and institutions. So no, Bucky does not share or fully understand Sam’s experiences or the obstacles he faces. But it’s also not true that Bucky’s faith in the Shield is the result of naivety or ignorance. 

The story of this show is going to focus on the ways that Sam and Bucky help each other grow. I think that the way that Bucky is going to help Sam is through his perspective on what the Shield means. In the First Avenger Bucky says that he’s not following Captain America, he’s following “The little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight”. And that ties into what the Shield actually means. It represents the ideals that Steve embodied. And I think where they’re headed is to a realignment of the view of the Shield. The mantle isn’t about Captain America representing the best of what America is. It’s not even about representing the best of what America could be. It’s not about representing or reflecting America at all. The Captain America mantle is an example for America (and anyone else)-- something for America to look at and reflect, not the other way around. By taking on the mantle, who ever Captain America is can embody these virtues (that Steve had, that Sam has) in a way that people can rally behind, and he can be someone who protects, and reflects, and gives hope to the individuals that are in America. 

I’m not expressing it very well. But I think Bucky, by virtue of being there from the beginning, has some grasp of the distinction between the Shield as a symbol of nationalism or even patriotism, and the Shield as a a representation of something greater. Or even the distinction between the Shield as representation of America in its government and institutions, and the Shield as representation America as the individuals within it. We’re going to get to the core of what the legacy that Steve left actually is and  the question of how does Sam take that on, and make it true to his own experience and make it worthwhile to become that. And I think Bucky has the faith in that legacy (and the faith in Sam) that is needed to begin that journey.