#(the cost was all of my braincells)

[wiroooom]

Translation:

"It's miserable you always ignore your problems and can't solve them. It makes me so sad."

"Your unhealthy altruism and feeling of guilty ruin your life so, unfortunately, you need to rely on luck every time and it's very risky. It's really sad that you can't see this obvious problem of all your life and don't do anything with it. I worry about you."

[gingersp1ce547]

Ramon and his friend

[bogkeep]

i was reminiscing about the (horrible, terrible, no-good) time i was getting my driver's license... i was a small anxious bundle of ocd intrusive thoughts and an intense fear of death and injury, and i had to take an online course that was basically an interactive powerpoint going "REMEMBER. IF YOU MAKE A MISTAKE WHILE DRIVING, PEOPLE WILL DIE HORRIBLY. YOU WILL HEAR THEM SCREAMING IN YOUR DREAMS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. REMEMBER THAT LIFE IS PRECIOUS AND YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR IT. DRIVE CAREFULLY and here's how :)" and i was like, yes i remember the fake facebook memorial wall with the sad violin music, but surely it wasn't THAT unhinged, was it? anyway i found my liveblog posts (including screenshots!) from taking that course and it kind of WAS that unhinged: part 1 part 2 (heads up for stock photo corpses covered in blood and references to fandoms i was into in 2016)

[cum-villain]

👀 oh this is going to be PERFECT for my costume

[just-another-dreamerr]

well, today's physics exams are done. we'll get 'em next time boys

[romaritimeharbor]

id also have many many dollars but im sooo picky with games agvhsjdfg

VALID THOUGH i am also really picky with any and all media i consume; it's just that my boyfriend, who i've known for almost 8 years now, is often the one to give me recommendations and he knows me like. Uh. VERYYYY well. i can only recall one time where i wasn't into something he recommended to me, and that was because i had already been into that media when i was younger and i knew it wouldn't be to my tastes nowadays. other than that, every recommendation i've taken from him has worked out very well HELDPSJSKSGJG he was literally the one that got me into genshin......

[etherealstar-writes]

I WANNA BE YOURS | WOSO X READER | PT 15

pairings: woso x reader

summary: in which you're accidentally added to a random group chat, not knowing they're all actually famous footballers, and obliviously end up having many of them competing for your love and attention.

part: fifteen

part one here

✦ ——— ✦ ——— ✦

THE NATIONAL DIVING TEAM

the imposter aka y/n ❤️ nahhh that's it i'm quitting this job tillies my baes you guys hiring? 🙏

stairway NOOOO Y/N IM SOO SORRY

willybum Y/N NO

elton ABSOLUTELY NOT

kyra ABSOLUTELY YES

cha cha YESSS WE WELCOME YOU WITH OPEN ARMS

stephy of course! 🥰

the REAL karate kid NAHHH

neev WE DIDNT MEAN TOO Y/N WE'RE REALLY SORRY

the imposter aka y/n ❤️ NO YOU GUYS ARE NOT

meado what did you guys do this time

the imposter aka y/n ❤️

stairway it was nothing!

the imposter aka y/n ❤️ NOTHING?!

willybum did you just make a meme of me ....

the imposter aka y/n ❤️ i've made memes of all of you BUT THAT IS NOT THE POINT RN i hate you all except lotte i love you you're the only lioness i'll support

tom holland's twin while i really appreciate that pls don't leave me with these idiots 🥺🙏

meado waittt i wasn't part of all this why hate meee

earpsy yeah i wasn't there either why do we gotta suffer tho

the imposter aka y/n ❤️ MARY you not being there was what caused this torture and suffering in the first place 😭😭

keira i'm so out of the loop rn

the imposter aka y/n ❤️ SO THESE IDIOTS THOUGHT I'D BE GREAT FOR TARGET PRACTICE IN GOALS AND SHOVED ME IN THE BATTLEFIELD WITHOUT MY CONSENT ME WHOS THE OPPOSITE OF ATHLETIC GOT ABUSED BCUZ OF THEM ALL only lotte being the angel she is helped me

willybum it wasn't even that badddd

stairway yeahh you're being kinda dramatic

the imposter aka y/n ❤️ WASNT EVEN THAT BAD?! EXCUSE YOU I HAVE A CONCUSSION BCUZ OF YOU GUYS AND A MASSIVE BUMP ON MY HEAD AND YOURE CALLING ME DRAMATIC?!

tom holland's twin yeah it was a nasty bump ngl y'all knocked out her braincells

elton i mean to be fair she kinda didn't have many braincells to begin with anyway ....

the imposter aka y/n ❤️ SPEAK FOR YOURSELF THATS ITTT TILLIES YALL MY NUMBER ONE MY MAIN MY HOMELAND

the REAL karate kid

willybum NOOO NOT THEMMM WE SHOULD BE YOUR NUMBER ONE

the imposter aka y/n ❤️ WELL YOU SHOULDVE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YALL ATTACKED ME AFTER EVERYTHING IVE DONE FOR YALL AND THIS IS HOW YOU GUYS REPAY ME?!

kyra charli and i are coming to get ya rn from these losers we're on our way

stairway WHO YOU CALLING LOSERS?!

willybum this is unacceptable

the imposter aka y/n ❤️

willybum

the REAL karate kid

neev NAHH WE'LL WAGE WAR

kyra

come at me you colonisers

tom holland's twin NAHH NOT COLONISERS 😭😭

stairway WE WILL

cha cha imma bring in the big guns

cha cha added brick wall, ford, lani and sammy the skippa

the imposter aka y/n ❤️

OMG MORE AUSSIES AYEE

cha cha um that photo .... anyway macca cait lani protect y/n at all costs

brick wall

aye aye

lani on it!

ford okay!

sammy the skippa um what is happening rn

stephy all you need to know is that we gotta protect y/n from the lionesses

sammy the skippa

neev we got our own big guns lucy millie mary rach need ya rn

earpsy here!

brightness yes.

daily i was summoned

rusty metal yeah?

kyra well WEVE GOT MCCABE KATIE MCCABE

the REAL karate kid WHAT?!

willybum SINCE WHEN WAS MCCABE WITH YOU GUYS?!

brick wall since always?

stephy yeah katie's an honorary aussie

meado katie?!

mccard yeah i am

elton WELL WEVE GOT ONA ISNT THAT RIGHT?

rusty metal ona?

ona well ..... i'm afraid to tell you that we spaniards have formed an alliance with the aussies

kie THE BETRAYAL 😭😭

willybum what is this blasphemy

tom holland's twin wait isn't spain also a coloniser tho ....

stairway oh yeahhh that's hypocritical of you

ona shhhhhhh

kyra

cha cha well y/n is successfully ours

willybum ABSOLUTELY NOT

neev WE'LL GET HER BACK JUST YOU WAIT

stairway YEAH WERE COMING FOR YOU KANGAROO RIDERS

samma the skippa

what are you all gonna do? drown us in your cup of teas?

the imposter aka y/n ❤️ DAMN yall got violated haha

the REAL karate kid

neev i cannot believe this just happened 😔😭

✦ ——— ✦ ——— ✦

[suguru-getos]

| Bully!Satoru Gojo x F!reader | Part 2 |

-> Part 1

Summary: You had just transferred schools, and your first day was an encounter with your new bully. He’s mean, terrifically hot & absolutely a menace. Though there’s more to that personna. Chapter Summary: After humiliating Gojo in the cafeteria, he has better ways to force pay-back. Hey! That shirt you ruined, was expensive.

Warnings: Oh he is a real piece of shit here with a barely there moral compass. Mentions of humiliation, bul!ying, belittling, teasing. The reader is slowly getting into an auto-pilot mode.

New chapter every week, comment down below if you want to be tagged! ^^

Taglist: @mc-reborn @tvdumarvelhpsimp @alula394 @getoxmahito @knanamii @he4rts444mi @localginger22 @animeisforkings @ran6ia @creative1writings @lenaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa @nerdiel-has-no-braincells @zoemaelol @shoutascoffeepot

It feels like pure humiliation, the way you walked off from the cafeteria. Satoru stood there, the warm, sticky gravy sticking to him. It feels like a sensory nightmare. White hot rage simmering through the very marrow of his bones. He exhales, glancing up just to see if there was anyone dumb enough to enjoy his misery he could stomp on. Nobody had the balls to, nobody has the balls to until you come across.

What was your fucking problem?

He walked away from the cafeteria, long strides eager to seek you out and punish you ruthlessly for your deranged and depraved, bratty behaviour. Satoru Gojo is worshipped like the literal god, who the hell are you? Meanwhile, you, amidst all your molten courage flowing in your veins, were the epitome of anxiety. You can't mistake his blazing steamy rage filled blue eyes greying… to be anything but merciful. You're not delusional.

A veiny, pale hand gripped your hair, the other wrapped around your mouth as you were dragged through the lonesome corridor. You whimpered at the burn in your scalp and before you could register what was happening, Satoru was standing in front of you. Baring his hostile teeth as he grits. "You've done it." He's almost amused, contemplating what more he can do to you, what more can you really handle… then again, does it matter if you can or can’t handle?

"Here's what's going to happen…" He pushed himself against your chest, unrelenting at how disgusting you might feel, transferring the filth on his shirt to yours. You struggled like a fish out of water. Satoru is taller, bulkier, stronger and you realize that soon enough.

"You will be my silly little pet, because guess how much this shirt costs?" He chuckled, whispering gravely against the shell of your ear. "1800 dollars, missy."

You feel shocked upon hearing the price, eyes widening as he slowly leaned his hand away so you could speak.

"Either you fucking pay me back, with interest for each day. Or you shut the fuck up and be my silly little pet for a month I will stomp on, my little useless errand girl. Sounds fitting to someone who looks like you, no?" He smirks, watching the colour fade in your eyes. He is sort of impressed by himself, the way he instantaneously thought of such a brilliant idea. That money means nothing to him, but not everyone is that blessed.

Once you finally gathered what was happening, you raised a brow. "Why should I be an errand girl to someone who collided against me and is now begging to be paid for his filthy shirt? Learn to walk properly asshole!" You spit back, eyes siren and jaw gritted.

"Kay then, I will ask your mommy and daddy to pay for their daughter's bullshit." He left your hair, the pain subsiding into a dull ache.

He wasn't fucking serious was he? You and your parents weren't essentially on the best terms, they have just shifted to Tokyo and while they would be willing to pay, your self-respect wouldn't allow you. Your mother would keep taunting you about this for the rest of your life… you really don't want that.

Satoru noticed the shift in your behaviour when he mentioned your parents - "Heh, guess they don't like you either huh?" He smirked, not caring how hard it would jab you. It kinda did.. but you couldn't care less. Not coming from him especially.

"10 days, of me being your errand girl." You wanted to be ploughed down into death once you uttered these words. There was nothing you could do anyways. Parents involving, not so much…

"A month." Satoru shrugged, smirking. He has you exactly where he wants. His sole goal is to make you cry every single day and make sure you apologize for being a little shit to him.

"And, you do whatever the fuck I say you to. If I tell you to clean my shoe with your tongue, you 'fucking' clean my shoe with your tongue."

Oh it felt like dying, like you were stabbed endlessly by a thousand swords when he said that.

"How do I know after a month you wouldn't bother me or my parents with the money?" Satoru raised a brow, smirking. "I'm a man of my word, little bitch." He squeezed your face in a single hand, watching your puckered lips. "I say you're free after a month, then you're free after a month, though you'll wish every single day that you paid me back." He chuckled, rolling his eyes as he let go of your face with a jerk, letting the back of your head collide a little with the wall.

You were so cute, small, stompable…

"See me when the school ends."

Satoru walked away with that, and your shoulders slumped. This is what it has truly come to? You needed some time to yourself after this, why are you always so pushy and so cocky? What if you didn't humiliate him… a month of sheer torture is what you've signed up for, just to not be tortured by your mother. Besides, it's a lot of money and you don't think your parents owe you because a shitty ass senior got pissed.

You dragged your feet to him, after the school ended. His whole group was present, they were busy chitchatting. Satoru perked up like a spoiled brat the moment his eyes glazed through you beneath the glasses. "My little lap bitch is hereeee~" He perked, walking towards you and smirking at how you grimace when you see the way he was treating you.

"Go, fetch us popsickles." He grinned, giving you the money. You didn't say anything, trying oh so hard not to slap him across the face and breathing out. "Mkay."

You looked up, counting the number of people, "Excluding yourself, no popsickles for you." He simply shrugged.

Oh he was getting beneath your nerves so bad. "I wouldn't buy them for myself." You explained anyway, "Don't wan' em." With that, you walked away, getting to the vending machine and getting those fucking popsickles which you rather wish were poisoned so he dies for good.

When you're back, he made sure you give them to everyone, made sure you give it to him- after opening the packet- and then dropped it.

"Whoops, gotta run again lil girl." He chuckled, his friends were… stunned too. Satoru is a cunt, they all know that. He pushes people through their limits but he's never been this much of an asshole towards any girl. Maybe because none of them did anything except slither around him and worship him.

You tear up, you have never… felt this humiliated in your life ever. Nanami gives his popsickle to Satoru, "Here, Gojo san. I don't want it. Please take it." He is so polite, kind… but his Senpai had other plans.

"Didn't you hear what I just said?" He raises his voice a little, and you are left with nothing but a reminder of him demanding this money from your parents. Your feet are stoned to the ground though, unmoving. "Okay." You managed to say again, taking a deep breath as you force yourself to the vending machine yet again, bringing back his popsickle.

You thought highschool would be fun, you would make new friends, go to karaoke parties, excel in subjects, in extra curriculars, whatnot.. you never expected yourself landing into the clutches of rich asshole Gojo Satoru.

Once you're back, you unwrap it again and give it to him. For fuck's sake he finally accepted.

"Kay, gimme your number." He extends his hand with his phone on it, letting you reluctantly add your number and saving it as 'Servant'. Showing it to you to rub salt on your wounds. "Off you go, see you tomorrow." He smiled. You were relieved you don't need to see his face for the rest of the day.

Once you reached home, you cried. All the emotions overwhelming you all at once. Guess he was right, he will make you cry everyday..

The rest of the day passes by in a haze before you find yourself back in school again.

"OH good morning little errand girl!" Satoru's presence looms, he was waiting for you at the entrance, you looked up at him. Not responding for now. You needed to get to class. OH so you're being indifferent now? Satoru is pissed…

"So eager to go to class, I have a job for you though!" He snickers, watching your stompy feet come to a pause. Good, you were still listening. He will push you a little more. "During the lunch time, go and bring my lunch for me, kay? You won't eat unless I finish." He smirked, walking away.

The problem is… it's not fun anymore. At least… not how it was when you retaliated. Maybe he shouldn't have used the money thing and just teased you when you had the means to push it back. You just nodded and left.

During the lunch time, you did as directed. Bringing his plate to him in front of everyone… oh it satiated his silly little ego so much.

Though he wonders if you will snap… finally. If not, he can just push it. No? He extends his hand to Haibara who reluctantly gave his water bottle to Satoru.

Before you could process what happened, you were drenched. The white shirt now translucent, showing your bra. Everyone laughed, some of them were gawking at how the shirt does no justice to you, now that it sticks to your skin, you look much more delectable. "Oops, my hand slipped." He says again, though he knows he's pushed this one too hard. Today was only the second day. Besides, a vile feeling erupted beneath him when he felt others gawk at you. Look away. Look. THE FUCK. AWAY.

Rolling his eyes, he puts his blazer on you, "Here, go get changed.." He mumbled, your silence was not helping. Not fucking helping when you shivered at the coldness of your body, how you just… took it. You didn't even cry, this was to be expected from him anyways.

You nodded, walking towards the infirmary alone. "For fuck's sake…" Satoru snarled, whatever left of his inner conscience slapping him hard as he followed you to it. Making sure you change your clothes and gave you a juice.

You were silent again, taking it from him. "Got nothing to say?" He raises a brow, "I thought you were all big and mean…" He emphasized again.

"Nothing to say. I expected worse." You shrugged, walking away. You expected 'worse'? What kind of worse…

"What the fuck do you mean?" He holds your wrist, "You know, like beating me the fuck up or something." You looked at his eyes. Wow… you truly think of him as vile and disgusting don't you? Why does it pinch him so hard? He's done nothing but bother you and made you believe he is trash.

"Kay." He mumbles, walking away. He's the one bullying you and he's the one being bullied at the same time.

Satoru Gojo doesn't bother you for the rest of the week and the weekend after.

Monday… he asks you to hold his bag for him all the way to his home. Watches you cutely manage both yours and his bag when he could easily hold your bag and you…

You're panting softly when you reach the Gojo estate, cutting the call from your mother and texting her you'll be late. "Here's your bag." You gave it to him and he took it from you easy peasy. "Alright, well.." He can see the sweat beads on your forehead, the way you are twisting your shoulder for relief. Suguru has already stopped talking to him because of this behaviour. You look cute, even when you piss him off so bad.

"Go run home." Satoru scoffs and leaves. Maybe he should just shorten the duration from a month to 15 days… but then, would you become the rebel he liked you to be or would you just ignore him…. contemplation, contemplation… and lots of contemplation.

[popponn]

so what if mikage reo is running late and crashes to you—a culinary student, also late—on his rush. predictably, the coffee in his hand got spilled all over his expensive coat. unpredictably, you—a scholarship student too busy trying to survive—don't know how rich he actually is and automatically offer to compensate him somehow.

since washing his coat somehow will cost you ten times your rent while buying one is simply asking for a lifelong debt, you offer to him what you do best—your cooking for a full month. at first, reo really doesn't want it as he doesn't mind. also, stranger danger? but since you are adamant enough to even offer him "i will make it in front of you!" he ends up accepting it.

and somehow, as people say, a way to a man's heart is through his stomach. reo kind of falls in love a bit too hard and a bit too clumsily before he knows it. but hey, if the love of his life is offering him lunch with a full-blown smile maybe learning to be a proper domestic husband while juggling soccer and business is worth it.

#1:

"so, is it good?" you asked in the manner of a true excited cook.

reo wanted to say that he knew it would be good even before he put your food in his mouth. or say that even if you offer him to eat a marshmallow that is one fire he will still do it for you at this point. or maybe he really should just blurt out, "it is. please marry me and let me have your cooking for the rest of my life. i love you."

but, reo has his pride as your trusted food tester—so, with a wide grin that was objectively handsome if not a bit too full of love, reo answered, "very! guess, studying and testing all those spices really paid off, huh?"

#2:

"can you guys—" nagi paused, making a face as if he was tasting the words on his tongue, "—just get it together?"

you blinked. "uh? pardon?"

nagi didn't raise his head from his phone. "reo keeps looking at you like he wants to—"

"dude," chigiri interrupted, kicking nagi's leg visibly. nagi grunted, which chigiri ignored him in favor of offering you a nervous laugh instead. "sorry, reo kind of ruined his game yesterday. he kept grudges—"

"hey, reo kicked my head—"

chigiri immediately kicked nagi's shin hard enough that the table shook. you spared the white-haired male a pitying squint as you tried to not wince too much. you really should have gone to pick up the food with reo.

note: aka a post canon romcom au no plot no braincell just vibe of supportive x supportive. it's reo just falling in love with you who offer good food and good mental support. and hey this au entails classic "rich guy tries domestic mundane things he never even touch once" which of course would let to reo getting your guidance (while staring longing at you like a boy in love). at least this is reo, so through sheer power of natural learning capability and also love, he will do it right at the second or third time. oh, of course nagi and chigiri is there. chigiri wishes reo would stop bragging about your food and you if he isn't going to grow a bone and confess. nagi wishes reo would stop hitting him each time you send him an emoji or a praise—reo you are ruining his full combo. aka do you see idiot 1 & idiot 2? there is never too many idiots to lovers. might have went way too self indulgence thinking about this—"after bllk they still go to uni" this kind of thinking should tell you enough how many braincel is present here. but. uh yeah. "i want to support and comfort reo" is a feeling. anyway ok. thanks for reading this blurb i should be doing something else rn but 🫶 yeah have this. take this. love u.

[oceansprompts]

text message prompts

[text] You okay?

[text] GO TO BED!

[text] hey you better be alive in there

[text] SOS save me please holy shit

[text] call me this date is going so bad

[text] I have way too much shit to do.

[text] Honestly I'm really worried about you.

[text] Why are you trending on Twitter?

[text] Please let me come over and pet your (pet).

[text] We are in the same building, you could come talk to me.

[text] It's not going to work out.

[text] This is a terrible idea.

[text] people have fetishes

[text] They really do crucify anyone these days huh

[text] I don't know why but that really means me want to stab you

[text] That movie was awful.

[text] For the love of god please help me

[text] I fucked up. I fucked up really bad.

[text] I'm blocking you.

[text] YOU ONE BRAINCELLED BITCH

[text] I regret swiping right.

[text] Everyone lies on their dating profiles.

[text] That absolutely can't be an actual picture of you.

[text] This forced open my third eye and I saw the devil

[text] I'm like a child in line for the newest fucked up disney ride

-

[text] That's just all fucking sorts of fucked up

[text] Why are we here? To suffer? Every other day I get messages that cause pain

[text] In the department of old man fucking, we've got you beat.

[text] have you gotten any work done?

[text] I am beyond shame, try again

[text] You left your left your underwear at my place.

[text] Don't you dare put this on Facebook.

[text] My brother in Christ you're being haunted

[text] I want to wring you like a wet towel and slap you against a wall

[text] The mind is weak but the body is funky

[text] I'm a zombie the law can't stop me.

[text] Jealous of my massive honkers

[text] We left you to die to play minecraft

[text] She would never ever take away one of these stupid fucking hats

[text] I puked all over the Uber driver's backseat.

[text] I just took a screenshot of that and posted it to Reddit

[text] You said you'd be right back and it's been months.

[text] Can't we talk about this face to face?

[text] Yeah, you'll come learn I just have a thing for milk

[text] Why did you like one of my pics from 2014?

[text] Now's as good a time as any to exchange nudes.

[text] Why would you send me an eggplant emoji?

[text] I write five paragraphs, pouring my heart out, and all you reply with is k?!

[text] Who would dare to lie on the internet?

[text] When I die, please delete all my shit off the internet

[text] He's so hot, I briefly started texting like a straight person

[text] And because I'm god and I've decided that; no, in fact, I'm not done.

-

[text] I know you love bloopy reggae jams, now is not the time.

[text] You better not be standing catatonic in your room again.

[text] God has abandoned his children but unfortunately for you I pay child support and I will smite thee.

[text]: My neighbor just told me he can fix my water heater for 50 bucks. I’m skeptical.

[text]: Do you have any idea how much it costs to buy apples? I paid 10 dollars for 6.

[text]: I mean, I wouldn’t say I have a problem with buying Squishmallows..

[text]: Hey, so you know how you told me no dog? *sends pic* I don’t do well with no’s.

[text] Stuart Little is a bitch and Remy could take him any day.

[text]: My roommate just said that Lola Bunny is hot. I’m moving out.

[text]: Hey I posted that vid of you drunk, singing Ariana Grande, wearing all black and people said not to do it again. Sorry.

[text]: Do you think the price is ever right? Like, I feel like it’s not.

[text]: I booped your nose. Boop the last five people you texted or–nothing happens really.

[text]: I’m actually in the ER and it’s a long story that involves Best Day Ever from spongebob.

[text]: I fucking hate you–wait you’re not my ex. Who are you?

[text]: You ever ask yourself if birds see a bee and just go ‘wow a bee’? im high.

[text]: sometimes all i think about is–sour patch kids. bet you thought it was you.

[text]: I love you—not as much as I love my dog. But still a lot!

[text]: I found a cat on the way home and now it’s mine. But it hates my guts so this should be fun.

[text]: I have questions about the marvel cinematic universe…how long do you have?

[text]: why do donald duck and winnie the pooh not have to wear pants but other people do?

[text]: Hey you know that show floor is lava? I may have turned the apartment into that..this isn’t a joke, btw. the floor is sticky.

[text]: I bought too much soap off etsy and now I don’t know what to do with it…I smell like Captain America.

[text]: On a scale of one to ten, how many drinks would you need to sleep with me? This isn’t a tiktok trend…or it is.

[alle-ni]

My thoughts about goodomensverse (I'm clinically insane) (my personal opinion) (long post)

Book Crowley:

- absolute disaster

- lonely boy

- grumpiest

- he's so in love with Aziraphale but didn't even realised yet

- a bit dumb sometimes ngl

- very tired

- he's trying so hard save earth and everything he knows but everytime he tries to explain why it's always AZIRAPHALE

- sometimes he's like... your old gay uncle, the old gay uncle of the family except it's a 6000 years old gender fluid demon

- HISS LIKE A SNAKE GANG

- got called dear once and them died (figuratively)

Radio Crowley:

- flirty

- "Humm have you ever seen me in a dress~~??"

- he's like flirting with Aziraphale 24/7

- 0 patience this man is a BOMB

- if Aziraphale ever EVER got slightly flirty with him back he will EXPLODE

- smartest of them all, he's very intelligent

- HISS LIKE A SSSSSNAKE GANG

- he's so in love with Aziraphale and it makes him SO FRUSTRATED

- his Aziraphale is the hardest one to reach, maybe this is why he's so deliberately obvious and direct with him (he's resilient, he will never give up)

- he's like a tsudere teenager collegial except he's a 6000 years old demon with serious issues

- not called dear yet poor soul </3

TV Crowley:

- SILLY

- he's the dumbest of them all, sorry 😭

- red hair

- he's so in love with Aziraphale and everyone notice it's SO OBVIOUS

- he's the most affected by The Bookshop Burning ™ event

- the only one who got to kiss the angel, good for him ig, or sorry, idk

- anxiety bomb he literally (literally) EXPLODE

- strongest soldier bc his Aziraphale is IMPOSSIBLE

- got dumped 2 times more than the others someone pls help him

- the most brave tho

- doesn't hiss a lot :/ free him from this madness let him hiss

- he's like a puppy with giant yellow eyes except it's a 6000 years old snake demon that lies all the time

- protective as hell this man wouldn't let anyone near Aziraphale if possible

- got called dear but at what cost??????????????

Book Aziraphale:

- Anxious all the time, religious trauma except the god is your father and he left you and never talk to you again and the guard angels are your siblings and they want you do be dead

- He's so soft he wants so bad to comfort Crowley but he's really hard to reach

- his Crowley is the most difficult of all of them, he needs to circle him a lot to get in touch

- this man got called names so often I don't think he even cares anymore

- he's very nerdy

- he's the calmest of them all

- really chill

- everyone is so mean to him for no reason

- he has 1 braincell tbh and it's really bad bc his Crowley is not that brilliant too they're both stupid sometimes

- he really REALLY wants to be with Crowley and Crowley only, he sounds almost obligated to be with heaven

- he is really kind to others even when they don't deserve

- he called Crowley dear once and then implode

Radio Aziraphale:

- full of himself

- bastard

- the most closed and oblivious of them all

- he tries to play cool with Crowley all the time (he's slowly getting insane and someday he will jump on this man)

- he's the most self sufficient one he barely holds on Crowley to anything and they're pretty independent

- Crowley can say shit like "Miss me angel~~??" and he would keep a bored face and not react at all (he screamed with the walls 4 hours later)

- he's also a tsudere collegial but he at least try to look cool and composed in public

- he's the Aziraphale that most believes in heaven, he's sure they are good and selfless and the right side

- he's not so brilliant tbh but he got a lot of spirit

- the most active Aziraphale ?? He really put his hand in the dirt and do the things alone

- the most angry and bad tempered of them all, bro scream "WE ARE CLOSED LOOK AT THE DAMN SIGN" when ppl barely touch the bookshop door

- he has a lot of patience with Crowley, not deserved tbh bc he thinks it's his personal job to get in Aziraphale's nerves

- overall he is polite

- he's really proud of their "arrangement" there not only one chance he let go without saying that

- he likes to provoke Crowley sometimes too but not as much as the other way around

- if he ever call Crowley dear he will explode

TV Aziraphale:

- bitchiest

- this man need to be sedated what the fuck Aziraphale

- most nuts of then all he's CRAZY

- he's the most up to do shit with Crowley they're insane together

- he doesn't let Crowley rest he is flirting and being cute and hitting on Crowley all the time

- he's so obviously in love with Crowley its embarrassing

- he's the fruitiest he's the entire salad

- the most... indulgent, if I can say, of them all

- more like an employer of heaven, different of book Aziraphale

- he's the only one with almost white hair

- he got kissed but at what cost

- he's the most intelligent of all of them how can he be this dumb

- he loves little things about earth and humans and life and he seems to be the Aziraphale that most love EARTH itself, like, the life, the humans, the food, the little pleasures we have, the little time of happiness we have between all the shit that is happening... he really loves humans <3

- he's conflicted about heaven, he seems to know that there's something WRONG with how heaven works but still doesn't understand what exactly it is

- "oh but saving me makes him soooo happyyyy~~~"

- overall kind and sweet, in a excited way

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

south africa but i've never been there also i'm drinking

HELLO MAGGOTS this is the good omens mascot here hello hello. my psychiatrist just spent today telling me how I won't be able to be out in college when it starts in May and I'll be misgendered etc etc it's all a good time. So my solution:

My darling cousin @imchronicallyonlinesowhat (the one who thought Sir Terry Pratchett looked like Sudha Murthy, was a kindly old woman and was married to Neil Gaiman because their book cover fonts were similar, OG maggots know the PAIN) who lives in South Africa asked me to make a South Africa post. FYI, she's moving to Australia for college, so you can be assured I shared my Australia posts with her she is SO prepared she won't say marmite instead of vegemite and she knows the Wibbles are inherently sexual. SOUTH AFRICA (I've only had a teeny weeny bit of cheap ass wine so far):

There a lot of white people there it's ineffable. There are enough of them there that my cousin regularly talks about not ever marrying someone who doesn't have some masala.

Afrikaans is a gorgeous language. I thought my cousin was showing me her Afrikaans notes once. She wasn't. It was her English notes, she just has the most illegible yet neat handwriting in the world.

They don't say yo but they say YOH and it sounds very much like a bass drum.

People at my cousin's school pump their hands in the air while saying jesus-jesus.

There's a trio of white boys that rule the school kind of like a genderswapped mean girls. They all look the same haircut-wise, they're Catholic and they're called the Triumvirate.

I'm realising here that my knowledge of South Africa is limited to cuzzy's school. But the wine is shit and I promised my blood-relative so I am continuing.

The books are fucking expensive and so everyone has to pirate shit. This sounds like the US.

Everyone is TALL. Like VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY TALL. The standard of height is insanely different from India. TALL.

If you don't have a last name you're going to get into legal trouble.

The no hat no play rule applies here as well as Australia apparently.

The wine cost like 2.5 dollars in USD if my conversion rates are correct, it smells like battery acid and tastes of rotted grapes. Nothing to do with South Africa, it's just that I cannot remember a single other thing about South Africa other than it's a country in Africa that's presumably in the South.

My braincells are already frying. For my cousin's sake, I'm going to compile all my Australia posts here so that she knows what to expect! Australian maggots your continent is about to be graced with the Good Omens Mascot bloodline. Notably the one with the Sudha Murthy fuck up so that's doubly fun. @howmanyholesinswisscheese, @im-a-sentient-magic-carpet, @madfangirlontheloose @obsessed-sketches @drconstellation and any other Aussie maggots be prepared and welcome her.

Toot Toot Chugga Chugga by the Wiggles is an Ineffable Husbands Song

Deaths in Australia in 2015, an ask

VEGEMITE IS NOT MARMITE, another passionate ask

Pt I Australia but I've never been there

Pt II Australia but I've never been there

Oh I hate cheap wine. @imchronicallyonlinesowhat I hope you appreciate this, blood of mine. I'm such a great cousin.

[darkestspring]

Will you please do a part 2 of jace kidnapping reader and making her his wife!

Love your writing! 💕

PART I || PART II (you are here!)

Jace was fully aware that was he was doing would start a war, that it was wrong, to anyone who had a single braincell but he didn't care. He didn't care about the arguments his mother made, about the arguments his grandmother made, both in Princess [NAME]'s behalf. He had been in love with her since he could remember.

"Why should I restrain myself? He argued in return. "I have adored her since I was a child. She is the only one I want to marry and yet, I have been denied of what I wished the most? Targaryen's take what they want, so I did just that."

Daemon hid his smile behind his hand as he soothed his wife. "The boy is right, Targaryen's take what they want."

Rhaenyra was at a loss of words for what to say to both her son and her husband and she dismissed Jace as she felt her own headache coming on. She needed to settle this situation as soon as possible with Alicent.

When Jace entered the chambers that his beloved princess was temporarily staying in, she didn't turn to even look at him, her gaze firmly on the castle she had always been in that stood in the distance.

Her mind was still struggling to grasp the situation at hand.

'Not a prisoner.' Jace's voice in her mind contained so much adoration that it made her sick. 'My wife.'

That was worse. If she was a prisoner it would have been better but his wife? The wife of the boy who had followed her around incessantly and bullied her beloved brother? she would rather cut out her own heart.

"my love." Jace breathed out, walking closer to her only to stop when she turned to glare at him.

"You may hold me hostage, you may forcefully believe me your wife, but do not call em your love, you know nothing of love." She hissed, raising from her place.

"I do, you have always awoken such feelings in me."

she wanted to laugh until she cried and she felt nothing but numbness as she let him hold her hands, letting his thumb run over her knuckles with such tenderness.

"You- You cannot keep me here. My brothers won't stand for this. Nor will my mother, the queen!" She ripped her hands out of his. She desperately wanted to understand what he was thinking. Why would he do this? Why now? Why....?

No matter how much she thought about it, she still couldn't understand him.

"I know, but none of that will matter anymore when we get married. We will be bound by fate, as we have been since we first met." His voice was so soft, so fond.

"It's not fate, it's your own doing." her voice was weakened, like she was fighting off his words to reassure herself.

"Whether it was fate or my own doing matters not, sweet girl." His thumb ran across her cheek. "I will be your husband and there's nothing your brothers or your mother can do about it. Targaryen's take what they want, regardless of the costs, and I will."

Her fate had been sealed on that sunny day when they had first met and nothing could undo it, after all there's nothing more dangerous than a Targaryen in love.

[icycoldninja]

Hi, can i request Vergil x jealous fem!reader.

I’ve seen people do the other way around but Vergil is too damn fine for girls to ignore. Reader is normally shy but when the other women dose not get the hint that Vergil is taken while also mistreating the reader, she lashes out to the point Vergil has to get her out of there since they were causing a scene in the restaurant. Reader gets embarrassed and ashamed but Vergil ends up comforting her <3

Yes, he is fine as hell, lol. Here ya go, enjoy!

Too good for you (Vergil x jealous!fem!Reader angst/fluff)

Folding your arms in your seat at the quaint, cozy restaurant Vergil had taken you to, you grumbled at the scene before you, your dissatisfaction very clearly expressed on your face.

Your boyfriend Vergil had decided to take you to a cute little restaurant for dinner as opposed to something fancier simply for the homely atmosphere. Honestly, at this point, you were beginning to wish he'd taken you somewhere fancier because if he did, there would be a less likely chance of the waitresses crowding around your table, chattering away at him as they were now.

"Oh my God, look at his muscles!" One of them squealed, reaching out to poke Vergil's bicep. After seeing this, you wished he hadn't chosen to take off his cost to eat.

"And his hands are so big and strong," Another cooed, this one a dumb looking bimbo with too much makeup and dry hair.

"He is so good looking, I'm folding like clean laundry!" Giggled yet another woman whose face you couldn't see, to a bitchy-looking girl who had way too many lip fillers.

"I know, right?" She cackled, lightly running her hands, adorned with ridiculously long neon pink talons down Vergil's forearm.

These women--no--these bitches were treating Vergil more like an object to be admired rather than a person, seeing as they weren't respecting his personal space, or yours for that matter.

"Could I sit there?" Asked one woman, pointing to your seat. When you looked up to meet her face, you nearly recoiled in shock--she looked like a literal clown with her face paint and awful hairdo, not to mention her weird looking outfit that seemed to have been together from whatever she could find in a local high school's lost and found box.

"N-no...no, you can't," You finally answered, once you'd regained your ability to speak. In response to your words, the woman pouted, but did not leave. Instead, she seized your arm and began pulling on you in an attempt to get you out of your seat, that you were paying for. Good God, the entitlement of this woman!

Vergil himself ignored the women harassing him; it didn't bother him one bit, he'd endured worse at the hands of Mundus. But to see you being harassed by anyone at all made him put his foot down.

"Take your hands off her," He commanded, staring at the woman with a glare cold enough to freeze lava.

The woman, visibly upset, moodily took her hands off you and stalked away, though once she left, several more took her place. Groaning internally, you focused your attention on the table, trying so very hard to tune out the world around you. Vergil saw this, obviously, and reached across the table for your hand, giving it a gentle, reassuring squeeze.

You'd think by now, the women would have gotten the hint that the man they were fawning over was already taken, but nooooo. These girls were either idiots or they thought they could steal your boyfriend right out from under you. All of them. At once.

There was a severe lack of braincells in that room, unfortunately.

As you were trying so very hard to ignore these pests, one girl had the audacity to remark,

"You, girl, are way out of your league. He's too good for you."

"Yeah, bestie. Seriously though," Another girl scoffed. "He's male model hot, and you're just, well, basic."

"Yup, pretty basic bitch right here," Chimed in the third. "It makes no sense, why do ugly girls get all the fine men?" The girls were now talking amongst themselves about you, rather than to you.

"Honestly, he should just leave her,'" Sighed one of the girls. "He can do so much better."

At that point, you lost all the last shreds of self control you had left. With a screech unfamiliar to even your own brain, you lifted your glass of water and splashed it on the girls, effectively soaking their shirts and pants. Squealing like the little piggy that went "wee, wee, wee," all the way home, the girls fled from the scene, naturally causing a great deal of confusion and tension to arise in the restaurant.

You caught sight of a manager approaching you, as did Vergil, who immediately leapt from his seat, slipped on his coat, took your hand in his, and briskly led you out the door.

The two of you walked in silence for some time before you decided to speak up.

"I'm sorry, Vergil." You sighed, sounding sadder than you meant to.

"For what?" He replied, turning to look at you.

"For...ruining our dinner date...and causing a scene...and embarrassing the both of us in public..." You let out a shaky, nervous sigh which quickly turned into a small gasp of surprise when Vergil let go of your hand and thew his arm around your shoulder, pulling you close to him.

"You have nothing to apologize for." He told you, sternly.

"I...don't?" You asked, confused.

"Not at all." He affirmed, rubbing small circles into your shoulder with his thumb. "It was simply an act of jealousy. I would have done the same, had our roles been reversed." He paused a moment before adding with a smile,

"I am proud of you for standing up for yourself, and me." A tiny, unintentional gasp left you as you stared up at him, noting how his cold blue eyes glowed with a warmth reserved only for moments like this between the two of you.

"Really?" You inquired, almost breathlessly.

"Absolutely. It shows you have power, that you are willing to fight when necessary. It means you are motivated," Vergil said, leaning down to plant a soft and brief kiss on your forehead. "Do not stress over it any longer. Let us return home. We will continue our dinner date there."

You chuckled, wrapping your arms around Vergil's torso, clinging onto him as you walked--a very rare occurrence, which you savored. Now that your jealousy was gone, you had to admit, those women had a point: Vergil really was too good for you.

[blorbingqls]

Blorbos From BL That Will Make Me Protect Them At EVERY FUCKING COST

so with the carnal list challenge, I think we can definitely make a list of blorbos that we would protect at all costs (and maybe have a challenge of who is the blorbest blorbo?) - so, less go

VegasPete from KinnPorsche

this scene says everything. if i can intuitively say, each one of us will have at least one of them on the list. we all know they are morally grey characters but something about them just clicks?! (i have read too many fics on AO3 on them to support my theories of KPTS 2)

WinTeam from Between Us

lord please kill me because of how feral i am about them.

SandRay from Only Friends

amidst the disappointment of the show's ending, i sort wanted them as end game but with more angst?!.

also, ps, if you really thought my carnal list and this list won't have any similarities? I am sorry but you're wrong. VERY WRONG.

Oh-aew from I Promised You The Moon/I Told Sunset About You

gays let me just go and cry 'cause i got reminded of the whole series and then him and i now need to have a box of tissues

Alan from Moonlight Chicken

something something about First Kanaphan's characters just makes me wanna go and kill everyone who hurt him

HeartLiMing from Moonlight Chicken

keeping the chaos of the whole show on one side, and their own little world on the other, I WILL DO EVERYTHING IN MY WILL POWER FOR THEM TO BE SAFE FROM EVERY POWER

also, this particular scene reminds of a similar scene from Manner of Death of ThatSorn?! (anyone??)

Tiwson from My School President

man was busy carrying the whole show with saving tinngun, soundwin, patnook and his imaginary ship with por - literally

(also this sweater and necklace is very much appreciated for its service)

Boston and Nick from Only Friends

I WANT A BETTER ENDING FOR THEM - NICK TO HAVE HIS OWN SELF GROWTH JOURNEY AND HIM TELLING BOSTON THAT HE CHERISHED THE RELATIONSHIP BUT THEY WERE NOT COMPATIBLE TOGETHER - I WILL REFLECT THEIR HAPPY MOMENTS ONLY BECAUSE THEY DESERVE HAPPINESS

Wat from The Eclipse

yes ayan and akk are equally there but him with understanding all coins deserves to be protected and treasured at all costs

PeteKao from Dark Blue Kiss

excuse me while i go and kill the society for hurting them

Fong from 2gether

man was too busy being the only braincell of this show - and this is where i'll mention about 2gether and no where else

Akk from Enchante

I AM SORRY BUT THEO DOESN'T DESERVE HIM - PLS GOD

Naa from Tonhon Chonlatte

YOU WON'T BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY THIS THAT NA WAS TOO BUSY CARRYING THIS WHOLE SHOW AMONGST THE TOXICITY AND I SCREAMED WHEN THE SHOW GAVE HIM A HAPPY ENDING - this is where i mention tonhon chonlatte and no where else

this list is just becoming too long and i am forgetting many others but these are my main ones (i probably will get reminded of a lot more when i see other people's list lol)

tagging @waitmyturtles @lurkingshan @slayerkitty @respectthepetty @neuroticbookworm @thisautistic @poetry-protest-pornography @blmpff @sparklyeyedhimbo @bengiyo @my-rose-tinted-glasses @sandrayy @reptileofdoom @wen-kexing-apologist and anyone who wants to do this!

[chainmailchalamet]

sugar high 🍒

synopsis: sugar daddy hs, always black n non-binary reader, established dynamic w/ some power play, possessive language, lil degradation, spit kink, mean dom(ish) hs, yktfv

Harry is…complex, by nature. He is a well curated structure of contradictions. He is a rockstar, an animal, a glossy beastly thing on stage. He glows under the spotlight, basking in all that concentrated attention with the air of a man who deserves every last drop. He is a hip roller, a tongue wagger, a dark eyed pretty boy dream. He’s sharp cut hips, tatted all over and wrapped up in glitter.

He is also a cream puff — that’s the version of him you met first, assisting a stylist on a Gucci suiting campaign. You’d steamed his double breasted coat, matched the ties to his green-glass eyes, buttoned him up all snug in his dress-shirt. And he’d blushed and dimpled his way through all of it. Told you that you didn’t have to do all that (“I kind of do, darling, it’s my job”), said please and thank you and stood where he was supposed to stand and made everyone laugh and look at him all fond because he was a professional sweetheart, an actual dream to work with. With the way he acted, you couldn’t tell he found you attractive until after the shoot wrapped and he walked up to you all bashful to ask for your number. It was the way he stated his intentions that got you, the way he said, soft and steady “anything you want, we can do anything you want as long as I can keep you company”.

He took you for squid ink pasta for the first date, because you’d never had it. He showed you how he liked his oysters (“a little lemon, just a squeeze..”) and how to tip them back into your mouth to taste them, and he watched the way your lips wrapped round the shell with a low heat gaze, kept his desire on the simmer like he didn’t want to scare him away. You let your inhibitions sink away into a glass of champagne, flirted with him in the same breath you talked his ear off about your job, about the books you were reading, about your vision for the future. He was so like you — the same raw ambition, the same comfort in the way you wore your skin that you’d both fought tooth and nail for, the same wicked tongue. You liked to make him blush, to tease him until he was giggling in faux offense (“it is not a whore house, it’s a family show, that’s the whole point!” “sir, at last show you sang the words “if you’re getting yourself wet for me”, and then rubbed your fingers together to demonstrate said wetness, those are the actions of a whore!”), until he let some of that babygirl cupcake act drop long enough to thumb some passion fruit sorbet from the corner of your lip and take it into his mouth, closing his eyes and groaning a little under his breath like you just tasted that good.

The second date was a flea market in the south of France. He prepared you with a simple instruction to pack light, and in response to your question about the cost of the train and accommodation and time off work he responded the same — kissed you on the temple and said “I’ll take care of all of it, you don’t have to worry about a thing, you can have anything you want, sweetheart”.

And then he did, took care of every detail — told your boss he was borrowing you for a shoot (“bring them back in one piece, styles, they’re one of our best” “mm, no promises”), got the both of you a private carriage so you could watch the grey London skyline fade away into lush fields of lavender, held your hand all the way, looked at you like you were the best view in sight, whisked you away to a cute little hostel where no one but the owners recognized him (the lady of the house absolutely fawned over him, called him strawberry boy, chided him for being gone for so long).

You used maybe two braincells that weekend — he made sure of that. Every whim, he tended to. If you wanted coffee, he went to the market and fetched you something freshly ground with notes of toffee and dark chocolate. If your stomach rumbled, he sat you down on the kitchen counter and fixed you lemon pasta, fed you dates by hand while the sauce settled, stole kisses in-between bites — cupped your face in his hands and licked into your mouth and said “feel so lucky, can’t believe your here, are you happy, what do you need, whatever you want, wanna give you everything…”.

You let him fuck you during that trip. After a dreamy morning picnicking with a jar of strawberry preserves and fresh bread and heavenly salted butter, and a whole day at the markets where he bought you a whole new wardrobe, gently insisting that he wanted to do this for you. “Harry, this is vintage alaïa, I don’t need that” you’d said. “You’re a stylist, sweetheart, might come in handy — and you’ve been eyeing it up since you saw it, at least try it on, yeah? See how you feel after”.

You’d tried it on, and it fit so perfect your mouth went a little dry — and his eyes on you, the way he smoothed his hands over your hips and told you that “you look so pretty, angel, prettiest fucking thing I ever saw” made you light-headed, running your thighs together in the dressing room. He liked doing that to you, putting you in pretty things, seeing you admire yourself. He bought you the alaïa, the cavalli handbag, a silk Gucci scarf — he was still polite, still your sweet thoughtful boy, but you could see through the cracks to what lay beneath that. The power he held over you, the obvious pleasure he took in being able to take care of you, showering you in nice things, the way he made you feel you didn’t have to think about anything when you were with him because he could do the thinking for you.

That’s the man that took you to bed. The one that told you to put your pretty new things away and wait for him in the bedroom while he tucked the groceries away. The one who met you with hungry eyes when he found you stripped down to your new chocolate brown agent provocateur set and kneeling on the bed and just clicked his tongue and asked you if he told you to do that. Tutted when you looked at him all confused and tried to explain yourself, shushed you and said (with the same quiet intensity as the first day he met you), “not your fault baby, didn’t have to think at all today, you’re just my pretty little doll, huh?”

that’s the Harry that felt every bit of your mouth with his fingers, pressed down on your tongue until you drooled a little and then made fun of you for it. The one that wouldn’t let you touch his dick until he worked you up so good that you thought you would cry, ran his tongue over the lace on your body, teased over every single sensitive inch of you until you were shaking and begging (“please, Harry please, just touch me, anything, anything” “look at you — pretty fucking mess for me, huh? wanna see you cry, baby, can’t give you my dick unless you ask real nice for me”).

He fucked you slow and deep with a hand wrapped around your neck, told you that one day he’d buy you something shiny to lay where his hand had been, but until then you’d just have to wear his fingers around your throat — told you that it was his favorite thing you’d tried on all day, called you his doll, his baby, his perfect little slut. “M’gonna give you everything you fucking want,” he said, licking the salt off your skin as it trailed down your cheek, pulling your head back to spit in your mouth and rub it into your tongue (“filthy thing, you like that? nuh-uh? you got real tight on me, baby, you must really like that”), rolling his hips and driving in hard until your eyes rolled back and you couldn’t even find your voice to beg him for more. “And you’re gonna let me, aren’t you? Not gonna fight me, are you baby? Just gonna let me take care of everything, I know what you need, daddy’s gonna give you fucking everything — that’s it, angel, just shut the fuck up and take it, you’re so good at that”.

He made you come like that, and then flipped you over, lifted your hips up and licked you out from the back, slapped you across the clit if you tried to run away from it, told you to “take it, don’t fucking run, gonna make a big mess aren’t you, show me, fuckin’ show me, that’s so good, you’re so good”, and then fucked you like that — pushed your face into the mattress and laid into you until you did make a mess, till you were drooling with it.

He was back in full sweetheart mode when he was done with you — ran you a bath and toweled you dry and held you in his arms till you fell asleep, kissed your head and said “thank you, baby, did so good for me, gave me everything I’ll ever need”. He was complex like that — a menace, an angel, a demon, a fucking fairytale prince. And you were lucky enough that you got to see every inch of it, bask in the flow of it.