Tumgik
#(there's a name for that. i'm forgetting the name. damn)
catyo90 · 21 hours
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I already lost you once...
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Warning: Logan x F!Reader (Smut) Minors DNI)
In your universe, your Logan was taken from you, not his life, but his memories. He was made to forget who you were by Stryker, one bullet was all it look for him to forget everything about you. And you were tortured every night and day by it. The moment you tried to fix it, to get the life you had with him back for good. The TVA erased you. Took your home, friends, family and lover away with no way of getting out.
That was years ago. You wondered through the void all alone, sometimes running into variants. In that time you never stopped trying to get back to him, that was until you found out your Logan was long since dead, when you met Laura, she was from the same universe as you. She told you everything and offered you to join her and a small band of others to survive in this cruel world.
What choice did you have, little did you know that one day. You would get your chance to see him again.
-
You woke up grabbing your long black cloak with a matched pair of dark green tube top and army pants, you looked at yourself in the broken mirror, the cold dogs tags you held onto for a moment before leaving. You walked out over hearing Gambit speaking to someone about drinking his whiskey. You sighed as you stood in the doorway, you froze in place as you saw a Deadpool variant looking over to you with curiosity.
"Whoa, and who is this fem fetal who looks like a early 2000s spice girl, which one are you? Oh oh let me guess, Foxy Spice, no wait that doesn't work, oh.." His voice faded as you looked past him, after so long you almost couldn't believe it.
"Logan...?"
His eyes widened a bit as he turned around, and he looked like he had seen a ghost, hell in his world you were, along with everyone else. Everyone was silent, even Deadpool was for once was quiet as he had both hands on his face realizing the look you both shared as you walked up to Logan.
"Y/n..."
You looked into his eyes and saw in them nothing but pain and anguish. The sight of you being alive and well was almost too much for him. And the sound of your name coming off his lips made you shiver. it had been so long since you heard your name said like that.
'I'm a little surprised you know me..." He stepped a little closer as you spoke seeing the same dog tags he wore in his early years. He never would give those away lightly. He knew what you meant to him in your universe. You looked over your shoulder at the others and whispered to Logan.
"We will speak later..." you looked up at him as he nodded in agreement. But before you stepped away you felt him grab your wrist for a moment, you saw his fingers wrap around to touch your pulse. He just needed to know you were actually here and alive and not a damn illusion or hallucination. He let your wrist go as you walked over to Gambit and spoke with him for a moment. Wade snuck in and whispered to Logan.
"If you were waiting for the opportune time to finally get some action in the last 200 years of your life...that was it."
"Will you shut the hell up?!"
"Never. For I am Marvel Jesus and my words are holy."
Logan rolled his eyes as he took another bottle of whiskey as he listened to the made up plan Wade made half assed. As he leaned against the wall chugging down the bottle his eyes couldn't help but wonder to you, and neither could you. Both your glances would met causing you to blush and him to smirk to himself knowing all too well the effect he was having on you.
-
After the plan was formed and the sun was beginning to set, Blade and gambit decided to have a few drinks together as Elektra was sharpening her twin blades as she watched Laura practicing on the dummies with her own blades. You on the other hand were looking around for Logan, you closed your eyes using your seismic sense, you could see the vibrations in everyone movements and could differ who was who from the the difference is each one, not even Wade was able to surprise you as he popped out form behind leaning a arm against the doorway.
"You looking for a certain beast."
"More like I already found him. Wade. Can I ask you a question about him?"
"Yes, he likes the rough play."
"How do you...never mind..."
'Oh come now child, all confessions to the Marvel Jesus shall be heard."
"Why is he with you?"
Wade was silent as he looked around like he could get stabbed any moment. He moved you into the hall and spoke carefully.
"In his world he's the fucking worst, like everyone died, but now he's here trying to fix it with me cause I made an educated wish. He knows how to save people. And we need him."
"An educated wish?"
"yeah yeah I know. but listen... he spoke of you, and how the last thing he saw that made him loss all hope was seeing you dead in his arms. In my world he was the definition of a hero, and now...we are gonna fucking fix everything."
You sighed. You sensed this Logan was different, but to know you had died in his world. You looked up at Wade and smiled.
"In my world, he died long ago, but Laura told me everything that happened, how he lost so much, the pain of losing all those he loved. Rose, Kayla, Jean, Atsuko, But no matter what, he kept fighting. Every time he uses those claws he feels physical pain, but every night he is haunted by nightmares. I'm sure this Logan faced many pains like mine. But his eyes were the same. The same eyes I fell in love with."
"Jeez, you sound like a poet now, well why don't you go find him and give him a ballad he will never forget."
"I think he got enough fun time with you in that car, from what Laura says, there was clearly some fun times going on there."
"I never kiss and tell honey." Wade said as heard a whistle seeing Gambit motioning him over for a drink. You smirked as Blade groaned as Wade walked up to them saying how he was gonna show them a good time. Whatever inuendo he meant by that.
You looked outside and saw at the campfire near the car, both Logan and Laura were speaking to each other, you smiled at the sight as you walked over and saw Laura look at you and smiled as she placed a hand on Logan's shoulder. He looked at her and nodded to her as he looked back at the fire in front of him. You flipped your cloak over the log and sat beside him as he offered you the bottle of whiskey for a sip but you declined.
"Not a hard liquor kind of girl."
He smirked as he remembered, it had been so long since he had spoken to you, to see you again after so long. It was almost unnerving for him, but he still was for once is his miserable long life, glad to see you again.
"You wanted to talk earlier. I'm gonna assume you have questions?" He said as he threw the empty bottle toward the fire.
"I only wanted to ask how you knew me in your world, but Wade seems to have painted a uneasy but clear picture for me."
Logan gave a sharp eyed glance at Wade as he groaned in annoyance. He looked at you and glanced down at the dog tags you wore around your neck.
"I gave those to you, I mean I personally didn't but your version...fuck you know what I talking about right?"
"it's alright Logan, from what I can tell you and me were both together in both universes, but fate decided, we didn't belong."
"Fate has nothing to do with it."
"You don't believe in it?"
"No I don't, my version of you died and your version of me died. We got the short end of the stick but look at both of us now. No one gets the chance to see their loved ones again...this is all because of that asshole." He smirked pointing over his shoulder to Wade.
"Better not let him hear you, he'll never stop talking about it then."
You both chuckled at the horrifying thought, it had been a long time since you laughed, hell since you felt any joy at all. After all this time you were finally given the chance to see him again, to hear his voice. You looked at him and brought a hand up to his.
"Can I hold your hand?"
He said nothing as he held out his hand as you took off the gloves he was wearing and held your hand in his. The everlasting scars on his hands from his claws slightly showed, even with a healing factor as great as his you come see them. His hand warm to the touch and slightly rough, no doubt from all the fighting and hard labor he did in the past. You closed your eyes as your seismic sense could feel the metal underneath, it was there you could see all the wounds he took, his adamantium skeleton though healed to others, you saw micro fractures everywhere. Every break and every cut he suffered. Clear as day.
You had your hand roam up his muscular arm causing you to blush a little as you saw a familiar break in his bone. It matched exactly to how your Logan got it.
"This was from Sabertooth. Your brother. He came after you one night and had me by the throat trying to hold leverage over you. You fought him and in-between all the cuts and gashes, he managed to break your arm....and that when I used my powers on him. And in so doing...I hurt you as well.
You remembered how your seismic sense caused the metal bones in his body to vibrate and caused pain for him as each bone hit the other. You were still trying to control your powers at this point, but you remembered feeling awful after Sabertooth fled.
Logan looked at you and saw the matching scar along your neck. The same one his version had.
"I remember that night...but if I recall, or at least with my version of you. The night had a lot of exercise and no sleep."
You looked at him and laughed to yourself. He wasn't wrong
"Yeah it was...sorry this is just so...surreal." you said letting go of his hand but he still left the gloves off. You smirked at him as you took off your cloak, the heat from the fire was making you warm. Or at least you thought in that moment. You looked over at the others and saw they were retiring for the night. Wade of course gave you a wink as he blew a kiss to Logan as he helped a very drunk Gambit into the base. Both sights causing you to laugh to yourself. Logan looked at you with small smile.
You smirked as you looked at him once more this time give him a curious look.
"So...I have to ask. Am I...anything like your version. I'm sure we had some differences but I am curious."
He said nothing as he looked at you bring a hand to move a loose stand away from your face as he spoke.
"No matter what universe...your perfect."
You blushed hard as watched him move his hand away for a moment. He fingers flexed with want, he knew it had been...well forever since he felt any affection. But this ...this was different.
"I suppose we should get some rest, after all, it will be a long fight." You said standing up for a moment before looking at him.
But Logan didn't move, something you sensed in him was causing him to stay put as he looked at the fire and then turned to you. You saw him look away from you for a moment, you sat back down and leaned your head closer to him.
"Are you alri-" your words were cut off when you felt his hand grab a hold of your chin and his lips met yours. A thousand sparks seem to go on at once, your eyes closed as you wrapped your arms around his neck instinctively. It had been so long...so long since you had been kissed by him. You felt his other hand grip the back of your head becoming lost in your hair. You felt a small twinge of pain on yours lips as you knew they would be sore if it continued. He stopped himself catching his breath as he opened his eyes to look at you with a small bit of regret in his eyes.
"Logan..."
"I can't. It feels wrong. Like we are cheating...on each other."
You looked away for a moment. He wasn't entirely wrong. But you when you looked up at him you knew that what you were feeling was only for him. You sighed as you brought both hands to either side of his face making his breathing heighten as well as his want that you could in-between both of you.
"Logan, I love you. No matter what universe, no matter what version of us. I know across the entire multiverse. I only love you. No other." You gave a kind smile as you kissed his cheeks and then brought the kids to his lips as you brought your arms around his neck.
The defense in his body shattered in that instance. His arms wrapped around you tightly as he kissed you back harder and rougher. Even a small growl escaped his throat. Every kiss he gave felt divine as he paused for a moment looking around. You were about to inquire but before you could he grabbed you hand and led you away from fire, leading you into the woods. He stopped when he couldn't hear or smell the others and turned to look at you.
"Did we have to go so far?"
"I'm not letting that walking pain in the ass interrupt us." He said as he pulled you against his body. But still giving you a chance to turn him down.
You smirked as you grabbed a hold of his x men uniform with both hands, pulling him in close to you and kissed him. For a few moments, Logan didn't react. He felt himself quickly start to feel faint. This wasn't what he had expected you to do, but it certainly wasn't unwelcome.
His thoughts wondered to how long he had wanted this. It felt like eons since he felt this way for anyone. After everything that happened to him, he barely dared to hope. But now, with the feeling of your soft lips on his... they were so soft. His mind couldn't help too imagine how that luscious mouth of yours would feel elsewhere. He would give anything to know. Every moment your lips met his, you sensed his whole body tensing up. You expected him to quickly push you away and perhaps admonish the both of you for going too far. You then felt him move. You broke the kiss and started to let go of his suit, when to your surprise, you felt him wrap his arms around you and pull you in tightly, bringing your mouth back up to his for more.
He kissed you deeply, his lips quickly parted yours, giving you one passionate kiss after another. Despite the roughness of his skin, the ever so slight growth of facial hair brushing against your own, his lips were surprisingly soft even given his outer appearance and gruff personality.
Though the two of you should have been quiet, you soon found yourselves moaning softly into each other's mouths. Feeling a bit faint, you wrapped your arms around his neck for support as you felt you were starting to lose strength in your legs. He in turn held you closer to him, though it wasn't enough for him. The woods started to become filled with the sounds of deep breaths and lips parting and meeting again.
Before you knew it, you felt a nearby tree hit your back. With his mouth still on yours, he pushed himself up against you. He reached down, took your left leg and placed it around his waist. Causing you to moan in loud volume but you couldn't care.
With your arms still around his neck, he soon had you pinned to the tree looking down at you with lust filled eyes. The both of you should have been listening for any rogue variants or maybe any other unknown dangers but the only sounds that filled your ears were the erotic sounds that the two of you were making together
With you hanging onto him for dear life, his hands were free to do as he saw fit. One was busy holding your leg up, the other was braced against the tree.. His thoughts wandered to the string cords on your clothes. They wandered further, imagining what garments might be underneath.
He brought his hand down against your back kissing you even harder and rougher
You wouldn't have noticed if you had not suddenly felt the sweet sensation of his leather gloved hand starting to caress your tender neck.
"Fuck..." He said. You whimpered lightly as you felt him glide his fingers along your skin. All the times you had imagined him caressing you came to the forefront, making you forget everything else.
While keeping one arm around his neck, you took his hand in yours. He started to wonderif it was too much. That concern soon vanished the moment he felt you place his hand on your breast.
“Keep going.”
Logan let his hand wander up and down. Your own free hand wandered over his chest, over the hero suit and even the thin clothes that he wore underneath. Reaching further down to his waist, your fingers found his belt, which you attempted to do with one hand, but no luck.
Still your want to please him grew as you brought your hand back down to his waist. You couldn't get the belt loose, but you definitely could manage to get your hand inside his trousers. He moaned louder than ever before as he felt your hand venture down his navel and towards his very hard cock. The closer you got, the more his breath shortened. He was beyond eager to feel you take him in your hand.
The moment he felt you grasp him, he broke the kiss, gasping deeply as he felt your soft hand move up and down the length of him. It had been so long since someone had pleasured him like this, he almost came undone right there and then.
He buried his face in your neck, kissing you up, down and across, becoming more and more aroused hearing you moan just for him. His breathed deepened as he felt you continue to work his length in such a pleasurable way.
Logan was doing his best to center his thoughts, but with you pinned between him and the tree, it was all but impossible. He grabbed your waist and pulled you closer. As you looked up at him you realized how his gaze was focused on your face. He eyes filled with what looked to be lust and sorrow. He kissed you deeply, slipping his tongue into your mouth as his thumb stroked your cheek. He pulled away after a moment and looked at you with eyes full of adoration. “I missed you, Y/N.” he whispered before pulling you into another kiss.
You knew what he meant, you both had missed this feeling after so long. It was the one good thing you both felt in many years. In this moment being different versions didn't matter.
You reached your hands to his belt and undid it quickly looking him deep in the eyes. as you wrapped your palm around his now hard member. You squeezed and jerked on him while kissing him with tongue.
Logan growled into the kiss as you started to jerk him off. Every few seconds he would purr before returning to kiss your lips. He missed you so much that just a bit of your touch made him rock hard.
You gently pushed him down onto the ground, trying to be careful to not hurt him. The soft grass giving you both some comfort and the cool air making both of you feel a rush of excitement. You tugged his pants down and pumped his shaft few times before taking him in your mouth.
Logan gasped and looked down on you. “Fuck, Y/N.” He moaned quietly before moving his hand into your hair to gain some of the control over your movement. He bucked his hips to push himself deeper into your throat, he was desperate for any feeling.
You pulled him out of your mouth to lick the vein along the side. You sucked the tip before sucking it back into you mouth and bobbing head quickly back and forth making a popping noise as you catch your breath. Your free hand gripped at his other hand causing you to intertwine each other hands as you deep-throated him.
“Fuck.” He gasped and rolled his head back into the lush grass. You felt him grab your hair and your head down closer, pushing his cock as deep as possible. He emptied himself into your throat and sighed loudly. “I forgot how much I missed the feel of your mouth around me.” He teased you.
“Logan” you said as you slipped out of your pants and panties and straddled his bearded face. “If you’ll be a good boy, you’ll get the grand prize,” you informed.
Logan growled lowly as he removed the rest of his suit. You smiled as he wrapped his arms around your hips, pulling you down to place gently kisses on your clit and lips. First, he played with you by sucking your lips gently before pushing just the tip of his tongue past your lips. Soon he started to eat you at like a hungry beast.
“Oh...fuck. Logan ahhhh.,” your head rolled back as the pleasure was already unbearable. You'd wanted this after so long. You craved him and his touch, he was spinning your head round. You bucked your hips quickly trying to get more friction while you reached your hand back to jerk over his yet hard again member.
Just when you thought the pleasure was at its peak you suddenly felt him pressing his face to your heat, pushing his tongue deeper into you. One of his hand moved from your hip to your entrance. You saw as he looked up at you before he started pushing two fingers into you. Now he was eating you out while fingering you.
“Fuck oh my god,” you grunted feeling your eyes rolling into the back of your head as you continued to try your best jerking harder at his cock. Soon, you got felt a wave of euphoria as you came on his face. He adjusted so he could lean upward as he brought you down to kiss his lips, you tasted your wetness on them. He wrapped his arms around you causing you to straddle his lap as he guided his cock right to your entrance, he looked at you once more before the pleasurable pain you felt causing you both to moan as his cock entered, he growled.
"Fucking hell, you pussy is sucking me in so hard."
He smiled and gladly kissed you as he started to buck his hips into you while gripping hard onto one of your breasts. You knew in the morning there would be marks, he started kissing and biting your neck as his fingers played with your hardened nipple as he slammed into even harder.
Your entrance convulsed when his cock twitched against it. It was needy for anything, gaping and closing on repeat. He chuckled as he felt it.
“Just like that Logan...fuck...ah...make me cum...around your sweet cock,” you moaned into his ear as your nails dug into his shoulders causing red marks to appear making him growl in both pain and pleasure as he moved his lips away before biting at your lips and kissing you even harder than before. You bucked your hips for him as well, his cock was spreading your inner walls more and more with every thrust.
Logan purred as his hand traveled to your clit to rub gently circles there. His thrusts became deeper and faster. You cried out when you engulfed all of him and his face snuggled into the crook of your neck to bring you comfort. An embarrassing, dragged out whine slipped past your lips as you took more of his thick girth.
"God, yes, yes, yes!,” You suddenly felt your back hit the ground as his well toned muscled body towered over you as you threw your head back in an outburst of pleasure that overwhelmed your body. Cold shivers ran down your spine. He took both your leg and placed them above his hips, his hand traveled to your clit to continue his fun while he fucked into you even harder and rougher than before.
You watched the way your hole eagerly swallowed his cock from below. It was fast and passionate as he finally fucked you onto his cock, groaning lowly into your ear.
It was easy for him to lift you due to his strength, he would undeniably be able to snap you in half if he really wanted to. A few more pumps, then he muttered.
"Sorry if you wanted to keep it this way." He followed you as he pulled you up onto all fours, his muscled arm wrapped tightly around your waist. Using his forearm for support, a tortuous pull out occurred once again before he snapped your hips together.
You choked out a moan as you pulled your hips back in response. He inhaled sharply and continued rocking his hips with yours. His girth blissfully stretched you out, his cock rubbing against that one spot. His torso emitted heat and as much as it left you in a blissful daze, his reckless hips provided a merciless pounding, the studs gliding against your walls only added more pressure and need to arch your back.
"Y/n...fuck your so tight."
Despite the heat, the overwhelming pleasure, the man behind you, it all just wasn't enough. You wanted to rake your fingers through his thick hair and tug, watch his beautifully flushed face and blazed eyes, run your hands all over his chiseled body.
So, you whimpered and grabbed the arm securing you. "I wanna see you—" A harsh thrust had you biting back a moan and interrupting a thought-out yet simple phrase, that took so much time to piece together when all you had was Logan's name and dick carved into your mind.
A grunt was let out into your ear, a moment later, his hips melded with yours and his thrusting halted. He loosened his grip on you and you rolled over to face him, your hands latching onto his hair in an instant as you brought him closer. A humiliating cry fucked out of your throat. You threw your hands to his back as a reflex.
The veins along his chest and neck stand out, head lifting slightly off the ground as his fingers grip tighter at your chest, his cheeks flush red and his lips part again as he growls deep, guttural sounds. Then, you feel his dick inside you pulse, his strong hips lock into yours as he spasms and spills, his cum hot and thick as you continue to move. He throws his head back again then, jaw dropped as he moans, his eyes squeezed shut and body trembling in time with the spurts of his seed within you. 
Oh, my sweet—" You almost purr, trailing your hands along his forearms, still rocking your hips slightly as you come into his space, lips trailing along the curve of his jaw. He leaned his head down to you placing his forehead against yours taking deep breathes
"You're gorgeous." 
You blush profusely as he chuckles, his hands sliding down to your ass, you press kisses against the underside of his chin until he finally tilts his head down and allows your mouth to cover his. You kiss him languidly, dipping your tongue between his lips, breathing each other's air, feeling his fingers squeeze at your pillowy flesh as he eventually lifts his legs and uses the bit of leverage to thrust his still hard cock slowly in and out. Your whole body shutters beneath him, feeling his cum begin to overflow, sliding wet down the backs of your thighs, and you shiver. 
"You haven't come." He mumbles against your lips.
You smooth your hands up over his cheeks, forehead and all the way up to his hair, lifting from your lover's lips to smile slyly up at him.
"Would you hate me if I asked you to keep going?" 
Logan groans, his hands shifting down to your hips. his length shifting inside you and you gasp as you're pressed harder into the grass, your legs winding around his hips.
"After 200 years...you may be the death of me." 
"Death by fucking too much? There are worse ways to go." You hum happily as the he takes your hands in his and stretches your arms above your head to pin them down against the ground, his weight crushing you, forcing his cock deeper inside. You whimper and your eyes roll, toes curling at how entirely full you feel.
"A—ah, fuck—?"
His grip tightens around your hands and he pulls his hips back until he's almost the entire way out before he slams his sensitive cock back into your pussy. You feel his cum pushing out of you, pushing deeper inside you, each movement causing his entire body to shudder and tremble as he fights through his overstimulation to please you. You reward him with unabashed sounds of satisfaction, your heels digging into the backs of his thighs to urge him on, your hips bucking up to meet his thrusts. Knowing all too well the want to not get caught left your minds from the start.
Logan lowers himself, his entire body encompassing yours with its size as he rocks his hips into you, his dick twitching within your clenching walls, loud, almost pained sounds of unbelievable pleasure muffled against your neck as he feels you unravel around him. You reach your peak, it hits you hard, you turn your face into the crook of his neck as mouth opens in a soundless scream of euphoria. 
You don't know when it happens, but all at once somewhere in the middle of your moaning, Logan makes a wounded noise and you're flooded once again with seed, delirious and writhing beneath him as you take it. You hear the sound of his claws unsheathed as his hips trust more and more until he's empty and your completely full.
He finally releases your hands and slumps on top of you, careful not to completely crush you underneath him, but curling into you and holding tight. You throw your arms around him, breathing erratic as you pulse through your climax, threading your fingers through his hair and clutching him to your body as you feel his smile against your collarbone. 
No words are said as the scent of sex and sweat permeates around the two of you. Both of you holding each other for some time, enjoying the post orgasmic bliss. Lips meet meld into lazy kisses, noses pressed against each other. Both of you share breath as you kiss, too exhausted to pull apart.
HIs muscular arms envelope your body, cradling you protectively. Together relishing in the feeling of the rise and fall of the the others chest, both familiar and new.
You feel your eyes flutter closed, easing into Logan's warm embrace.
-
The next time your eyes open, the sun almost over the horizon. You look around to see Logan is no where in sight. You wondering where he could have gotten to, you sat up looking over toward the sound of the others at the base.
The sound of the others reaches the small woods, conversation just barely too far off to be made out. You see Logan walking into the clearing with a large bucket of warm water and a wash rag with him.
"Logan...are you-"
Before you can speak he takes one of your hands and begins to press the warm damp fabric against your skin. His motion is slow and purposeful. You couldn't help but sigh. Your Logan was always surpassing your expectations of a lover. Here he was, it may not be your Logan caring for you, but in a way you couldn’t have dreamt of asking this from him.
He looks at you seeing a hint of tenderness in your eyes. Soon your guided to twist to face away from him, his strong arms pressing the warm cloth against your sore muscles and long healed scars.
You moaned sighs at the sensation, he takes care to clean every surface of your body. His eyes are focused, consumed wholly in this act of love. You watch him. Adoration and love builds up in your chest at the ways his eyebrows crease and his eyes focus.
You turn your body back to face him, both of you shareing a longing look. He sees into your very person, and you into his. His eyes drift between your legs, and worry enters his mind.
“I - lost myself in the moment. I shouldn't have done that.”
You placed an affectionate hand over your lower belly with a subtle smile.
“Don't worry Logan, I'm not upset. It felt good in the moment." He moves in closer as you lie back down against the grass, spreading her legs for him. You feel the warm rag against you, the touch isn’t sexual, But rather filled with the same love and care it had pressed into her skin just a moment before.
"I don’t regret it at all.” You say as you pull him to lay beside you.
"Do you?" You asked as you felt your heart beat quicken. With a sigh and a smile he combs out your hair with his fingers, moving the loose strands of hair away from your face.
"Never."
You relaxed as you felt him melting in your arms, content beyond all measure, whispering words of love and devotion in your ear.
"We should probably head back soon, otherwise Wade may find us."
"If he does he can fuck off." Logan said pulling you in closer as you chuckled to yourself. You smiled up at him as you brought your head against his chest, a few more hours would be alright, at least for now.
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lullabyes22-blog · 2 days
Text
Snippet - First Kiss - Forward but Never Forget/XOXO
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Jinx finds sympathy in an unlikely quarter...
Forward, but Never Forget/XOXO
Snippet:
"I've gotta ask a question," Vi says. "And I need an honest answer. No games. No riddles. Okay?"
"Okay."
"Last night. When you dipped out on the dinner. Did you... meet anyone?"
"What? Like, a fling?" Jinx's smile cuts into the curve of Vi's neck. "'Cause, yeah, sis. You're not the only one getting busy."
"I'm serious. Did you meet somebody?"
"Maybe."
"Maybe, what?"
"Maybe I did."  There's a singsongy tenor in her voice, one that's not entirely fake. But also, Vi can't help but think, distressingly sad in its lightness. "Maybe I didn't." 
"And whoever it is, did he hurt you?"
"How d'you know it was a guy?"
"Just a feeling."
"Hm. You're smarter than you look."
"Answer the question." 
Silence, but it's not the kind that Jinx wields as her ally. It's a silence with a heartbeat: the girlish giddy-up of excitement, undercut by a deeper, darker pulse of uncertainty. 
Vi thinks of how there are hunches that go gut-deep. Others that stop just shy of the liver. She knows—gut-deep—that Powder could sense when Vi lost her virginity to Nao. Her sister was too little then, and too innocent, to fully understand what that loss meant. But she'd known Vi was altered on some chemical level. Some molecular splitting, so Vi wasn't one, but two. 
The girl she'd been. And the woman she was becoming. 
Now, with her sister's body in Vi's arms—it's not the same. After last night, Vi no longer buys that Jinx and Silco are a package deal. Nor does she believe any longer that Silco's inveigled his way into Jinx's pants. She knows her sister well enough to realize that, for all Jinx's wildness, she's still the same girl who used to chase after Vi, begging to be let into the places of grownup vice. Places where Vi would always say no.
Because Powder, her Little Star, wasn't ready.
Jinx, the Bombshell, isn't ready, either. For all her flaunting and flirtation, the fact is, Jinx is a late bloomer. Vi would bet folding money that her sister's never even gotten her hands inside someone else's pants. Silco keeps too close an eye on her. Sevika would chug a triple-shot of cyanide before trying anything untoward. And the crew are too disciplined, too terrified, to get in their boss' bad graces. 
Not without ending up floating facedown in the river.
And yet there's a raw-edged tenderness in her sister's bearing. Her atoms aren't splitting. They're reeling, in the wake of a transformation that's in its first, dazzled throes.  The lingering aura of it—and of whoever's touched her—is a radioactive glow.   
The kind that makes Vi's hackles rise.
"Who was it, Jinx?"
The name, spoken with gentle firmness, does the trick.
"Doesn't matter," Jinx says. "It was a mistake." 
"What was?"
"Meeting him. Being so damn stupid." Her hand lifts. For a moment, her fingertips touch her own lips. "So damn... close."
Vi's own eyes, inexorably, trace the little gash on her sister's upper-lip. It's more pronounced now; a quarter-inch cut. Almost perfectly straight. Like a blade had nicked her there.
Or a kiss.
"Close," Vi repeats, and her throat crimps. "As in kissing-close."
A little up-and-down nod.
"First kiss?"
Again, that tiny dip.
"It wasn't Viktor, right?"
The scoff is the verbal equivalent of an eyeroll.
"A stranger, then?"
"Not a stranger. Someone old." Her fingertips press the gash, as if trying to re-create the sensation. "Someone new."
"Did this someone... force themselves on you?"
Vi is choosing her words with the painstaking precision of a tooth-splinter tweezed from a split lip. She has to. If her sister's been hurt in any way—if her trust has been violated—
Jinx only shakes her head.
"He made me... feel. Not a bad feelin.' Just... it's like it woke a voice in me. One I've had under my skin for a long while. Kinda whispering in the dark. I didn't mind it. The dark's a safe place. Nothing can hurt me when I'm there. I see everything. Everyone. And nobody sees me." A deep, shuddering breath. "Not until him." 
"What d'you mean?"
"He kissed me. And it came outta nowhere. Just—boom. A flashbang. The dark went away, and I was there. Smack-dab in the light. So shiny. So strong.  He kissed me, and the voice wasn't whispering anymore. It was singing. This beautiful, beautiful song. One that's been there all along, and I just never knew." She touches the gash again, and her fingers shake. "I never knew." 
"Jinx—"
"I didn't plan it!" It bursts from Jinx on a hitched little cry. "I didn't mean to—but he made me want to mean it! He looked at me like I wasn't crazy. Like I wasn't a bomb or a monster. He looked, and he kissed me, and the darkness was gone, and the song was so bright, and gods, I didn't want him to stop. I didn't want it to end." Her body burrows into Vi's, clinging fiercely. "I didn't."
Vi keeps her voice steady. "What happened then?"
"I ran away." A sniffle. "Like a damn coward."
"Did he chase you?"
"For a bit. Not far." The sniffle thickens. "It's not neutral territory. Not where I am. Not even close."
Vi doesn't understand what Neutral Territory signifies. But she hates the pitch of distress her sister is radiating. The tears are hot and bitter and real. But there's also a yearning there. A livewire ache that Vi knows all too well. 
She'd felt it, every minute, when she was with Caitlyn. 
"I'll kick his ass," she says.
"Huh?"
"Whoever he is. I'll track him down and break his knees. Then I'll break his arms. Then I'll make sure he never, ever, lays a finger on on you again." Her arms enfold Jinx tighter. "Ever."
Shock leaps off Jinx's skin. For a moment she's all jellyfish softness and barbed-wire stiffness. Then the shock fades, and a laugh bubbles out. Not the villainess' high-pitched cackle, or the trickster's guffaw. This laugh is soft, shaky, a little too close to a sob. 
"Oh, sis," she says, and there's a strange wonder in her voice. "You really do care."
"Of course I do."
"Enough to go to war?"
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Hello!
I stumbled upon your blog when searching for anything about Hiron Ennes’ book Leech and ur blog is so nice! I love Leech so so much and am hoping to find folks to talk about it with because I’ve been obsessed with it since I read it over year ago. I hope this isn’t too weird of an ask but it’s just such an excellent book!
hello and welcome, and thanks for your kind words!! it's delightful to find another LEECH enthusiast in the wild--what a deeply fucked up weird little book that has my whole heart!
i was actually shuffling books around last weekend to make space for what i'll read this year (i'm in a temporary living situation, so most of my library is in storage), and i decided to leave LEECH unboxed so i can reread it this fall. i'm obsessed with the POV and the voice and i'm VERY looking forward to a tear-it-apart reread now that i know some of what is going on. what a neat book!!
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scholar-of-yemdresh · 19 days
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r/fantasy recommend books other than by the same 7 cis white guys challenge: level herculean.
It's genuinely disgusting to me how myopic their recommendations are. No wonder we keep getting posts asking for books with good female characters or POC or Queers because the image of fantasy you project is cishet dude mantasy slop where women are rape doll incubators(the more underaged the more "realistic") and poc/queers are more mythical than dragons.
I swear to God if I see one more neckbread bleating about The First Song Of Wheel Storm Name Winds Law by T.R.M McWhiteman I'll b*mb an orphanage.
Seriously if the only "zomg must read most epicest bestest fantasy everrrr!!!" Are ALL the SAME cis white men, your reading tastes are shit, your literature pallet is unrefined to the point of non-existence, you have no idea what you're talking about, you have no ability to give actually good book recommendations, you're just shovelling the same mantasy slop that the ur-neckbreads shoved at you, your recommendations are bad and you should feel bad.
Are you giving worthwhile recommendations that fit the brief or are you just throwing your uwu favourite books at a person, damn the fact that it doesn't fit or might even be the exact opposite of what the OP is looking for? Hmmm???
#i am legit tweaking rn#I'm not even opposed to cis white guy authors just not THE SAME BITCHES EVERYTIME#claptrap about “battles” and “magic systems” and “realistic”...for 10 billion Dollars name a woman or POC adult sff author#the ones who aren't damned to the outer darkness of mantasy slope will at least be able to mention Ursala Leguin or Octavia Bulter#then ask them to name one ALIVE and Currently writing crickets or maybe NK Jemisin lmao#also let me not get started on their racist/misogynistic double standards#hate on Poppy war because Rin is “despicable” but then squeal about their favourite malazan character who's a serial child rapist...k1ll me#oh don't forget the covert bigotry against anything related to not cishet white men#r/fantasy is infinitely better than all the other sff subs bc at least there you actually banned for being overtly a bigot#...but! everypost about POC or queer stuff or women/feminism gets downvoted to hell#plus the sealioning nerds about “why does representation matter i only care about good bokks” ofc all the good books are by cishet white men#one of the reasons i stick around r/fantasy is that i might be one of the few big sff book spaces that isn't focused on YA or romantasy#and sorting by new and ignoring every BrandoSando KKC etc post actually makes the sub tolerable great even#y'all might think I'm being too harsh but when in “no rape/pedophilia/incest” threads r/fantasy nggas be recommending shit like ASOIAF#I'm not going to be nice ESPECIALLY when they get mad when you point out how they don't fit and it's a dick move to ignore OPs request#books#fantasy#just to be safe#tw pedophila mention#tw rape#tw incest mention
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running-in-the-dark · 8 months
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OH MY GOD that's Brent Spiner
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cursed-bioshock · 2 years
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Tumblr media Tumblr media
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knifefightandchill · 1 year
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I never thought I would be extremely happy to see U-3.
Honestly love the new design too, a lot less globgobgabgalab which I can respect. XD
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But like the feeling of being able to be bipedal but also quadrupedal fluidly is what gets it for me-
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mishkakagehishka · 1 year
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What's the beef with the Hungarians. genuine I like knowing foreign gossip
I cannot answer this without my historian mutuals' insight /j
It's the usual, though, i don't think it was that bad (???) but then again i'm not continental, so my beef is focused on italians. But there was also forced hungarisation here. I mentioned bân Jelačić specifically because he was staunchly against hungarisation or rather for the usage of the croatian language in croatia and development of our arts, and also because a joke I always repeat is "we have to turn (the statue of) ban Jelačić to face Hungary [threat]" whenever they start stirring some shit (like? Wasn't it last year when O.rban started making some sus statements about "Hungarians abroad" and how our sea should belong to them, as inspired by his daddy P.utin)
Basically it's a mix of austrohungarian politics that shouldn't matter today, but also the fact that i have heard shit like "coastal Hungarians" and. Whatever the hell O.rban was about tbh that just makes me go🤨 sometimes. Hungarians my beloveds, tho. Like with the French, I'm p sure they helped us more than they ruined us, I just hate them for the bit. You always gotta hate your neighbours a lil bit.
Tldr: it's not that deep, but i still hope the Hungarian who called me Albanian on here (bc I was talking about how people who call themselves expats just don't wanna equate themselves to "dirty immigrants" even tho they are immigrants, like, okay, i see what immigrants he had a problem with) stubs his toe once a week
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if self-ish by will wood wasn't a john gaius coded album, then why would the lyrics be like That.
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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today's been fun so far hehe
#🌙.rambles#just out w my family as usual c: w my lola n tita too !!!!#pls my lola said fr that i'm like my ninang 😭😭 slow eater too#n then we were talking abt cets n yeah n damn my tita's so smart fr. my whole family honestly#she managed to answer all the math in acet.. crazy considering how acet's rlly yk w the time-pressure#she majored in math. she's. so good. w stats n stuff n calculus n algebra n yeah she's so goddamn smart#my dad too he's. damn. w comsci n engineering yh just tech n it stuff#ninang w the med stuff n being a doctor n yh her too 🥺#lola asked abt prom a bit n i find it amusing how she said the same thing my ninang said abt not being able to go HVKDJVKSK#yk. i look. pretty today#apollo n i walking n down the escalator arms around each other's waist n we#we're matching 🥹🫶🏼 just different color accessories n shirts n that's it#i like my shoulders ngl.#nyways when we were going down the escalator the ones going up were looking at us#making eye contact w strangers is hdkgjslgks on the outside i realize i#probably don't seem very shy. i hold myself well n all but inside i'm like. chill but also constant anxiety#TITA SAID WE HAVE GOOD MUSIC TASTE >< data blitz n looking at stuff ofc hehe#chrono cross ! i forget the composer's name but Yes.#told her we have crisis core when she pointed it out#++ talking abt soulsborne tgther a bit n then#hehe she said nier nice music too#^^ pointing out the kh bundle n she played yk on ps2 even before we were born so real#soulscaliber or i forgot the spelling but her watching my dad play that & doom too even before apollo n i were born 😭😭#other games too c: n tita was talking a bit too abt octopath traveler 2#she asked for the first one back from us bcs we borrowed hehe n she asked abt how i enjoyed shadow of the colossus too at some point#HFLSJFKSJ she asked who was our crush in octopath LMFAO N HERS IS THERION#'pretty boy' so true 🥹🫶🏼 mine's cyrus . i forget he's like 30 smth tho but tbf aymeric n thancred is too n they're. :lipbite: 😭😭#hmmm. i rlly do like how i look today though. my hair isn't messy (wow for once !) n then#random but i wna workout sometime? i wna be more fit fr#apollo n i r going onsite for school tmrrw bcs pe :< but we'll go online tues hehe n break for like just until friday or so n the weekend of
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docheros · 2 years
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still thinking. if tae didn't choose to tell her name, leandro would do it unintentionally
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blujayonthewing · 2 years
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Are there any songs that remind you of your OCs?
jhgjsdgfjd OKAY SO-- the short answer is Yes, lol. The longer answer is that I have full playlists for a bunch of them, so, at this point any song on any of their playists now reminds me of that character (including ship playlists, because I also have one of those each for elyss/june and juniper/fengling), although not all of them would be equally good examples of 'here's a song that makes me think of X' as far as like... show and tell is concerned? Elyss and Juniper's playlists for instance are both roughly chronological and a couple of their songs are specific to A Situation, and several of June's are about her relationship with another character (mostly our sorcerer; I've had a hard time picking just one or two fengling songs for june's regular playlist, so those are pretty much all just on the ship one exclusively, lol).
UM I can also link to full playlists if you or anyone are interested, but I'll also put a show and tell of one or two specific songs under the cut :D
Elyss: Learn To Be Lonely from the POTO movie for pre-campaign, Not Your Hero by Tegan and Sara now
Juniper: The Greatest Adventure from the rankin bass The Hobbit
Idri: Don't Stop Me Now by Queen
Aubree: Fighting On by I Fight Dragons
Melliwyk's are all instrumental! Scheming Weasel Faster would be her theme as an npc in an rpg
Nyssa: Cult of Dionysis by The Orion Experience
Ambrose: Not I by I Fight Dragons
Kethri: No Hopers, Jokers, and Rogues by The Fisherman's Friends
Honorable mention: this is maybe Fantasy Racist of me because Tsakesh is not a thief at all but. Khajiit Like To Sneak by Miracle of Sound is just such a good song and I love it and it DOES make me think of my boy. he DO like to sneak idk what to tell you
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After all these years Byakuya is still just "not Kagura" to me.
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starberry-skies · 2 years
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is it relevant to staple my identity to everything i do? prob not. do i kinda have to do that anyway bc otherwise i'll interact w ppl who hate me? yup
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running-in-the-dark · 8 months
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hm. am I downloading Night Court right now? possibly.
#don't know if I care yet#tbh I have never seen John Larroquette in anything ever (and it will take me a while until I can spell his name without checking 3 times)#before the librarians#so. I don't know. if it's a character specific thing. or if I just think he's cute. or if I think he's cute now but not when he was younger#but I will find out#because honestly it's possible that it's 90% his voice. very good voice. best voice. love it.#hmmm okay no I've just watched a clip on YouTube and he really is just very cute. damn.#annnd. oh noo. I have to check something#oh crap Brent spiner was born in 1949. that means this is. if my brain decides that this is gonna be something. the first time it's someone#older than my dad :') don't like that#but! my dad's dead! so who gives a fuck!#I'm fine. :)#(also damn I'm lucky my dad was so very very old. otherwise that would have happened much sooner)#(guess I'm joking about that now! interesting development)#anyway yeah he cute. though cuter now tbh. might be the belly. idk. this is very confusing and unusual for me#especially. since. the other crush. is not even close to being over. that's not something that happens. and it's already very bad rn. soo.#that should be interesting. maybe I should just forget all about it and not look at him again when I'm done with the show in a few hours#that'd be best I think (doesn't mean I'll listen to my own advice. he is a man and he is cute so. I've already lost)#it's just. I see Jenkins and it's like. JENKINS!! 😍😍😍😍 I'm very weak#and he's so funny 😔#sigh.#just be normal 🤦🤦🤦#i don't know if it makes it better or worse that I'm fully aware that this is most likely happening because I'm in the middle of some sort#of crisis right now and that's how I've always coped but. eh it is what it is#trying to be nicer to this stupid brain and all that#let it have fun looking at an old man it's fine
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