#- bc honestly her dad probably wants to take the time for her but can't

[elliesflower]

loser!!!!!bff!!!!ellie!!!!!!!! hc's

i’m just jumping on the loser!ellie train bc i actually love it and i feel like she’s such a loser despite her commitment issues like…she wants to believe in love so bad, SO BAD that she is actually a hopeless romantic deep down she literally can’t help it but it’s trapped under her awkward funny girl exterior. she's so me fr 😵‍💫

all these are sfw except for a lil sum special for you FREAKS at the end teehee so as with all my content, please 18+ only, mdni!!!

cw; afab!reader, smut (at the end)

♡ all her doodles of cat and dina hello??? she’d have a whole fucking journal dedicated to just drawings of you, every time you hang out she’d be discreetly letting her eyes linger on your face so that she can sketch you out later. and she’d smile while sketching you i know she would, her cheeks would get all red and maybe she’d even giggle she wants you so bad!!! 

♡ she’d be on patrol and see a beautiful yellow flower and immediately think of you, she has to pick it for her best friend, she HAS to!! she’d lose her balance on her damn horse trying to protect it from getting damaged while she rode back into town, but it’s worth it to see the smile on your pretty face 

♡ i feel like she'd follow you around. in any context. patrol? she's slightly behind your horse to keep an eye on you. walking around jackson? she's literally always right behind your left shoulder, letting you lead the way. party at dina's? she's practically glued to you the whole night, and when the liquor would hit she was a little handsy, pathetically looping a finger through your belt loop as she followed you to the bathroom, moving your hair out of your face when you'd talk to her, etc.. and of course the next day she'd get so sick when she recalled her behavior, feeling shameful and wondering if you were catching on (ofc you were).

♡ and she’d dream about you all the time oh my gosh! esp after hanging out with you all day she wouldn’t be able to get you out of her head when she gets home. maybe she’ll definitely even write your name with a little heart next to it in her journal when she’s recalling the day. her subconscious would manifest the way that you looked trying to play her guitar into her dreams that night

♡ speaking of guitar, she’d 10000% write songs for you. she wouldn’t tell you they’re for you, of course, she’d just play the most beautiful love song you’ve ever heard and play it off like it was nothing. but when she gets home she’d probably cry because she was too scared to make a move on you :( 

♡ i also mentioned this in a previous post but this bitch would love frank ocean, so i can see her falling asleep listening to thinkin bout you and crying bout you :( or imagine in a modern world her sketching in her journal while listening to ivy before she starts to cry because she's so frustrated by her own awkwardness, and the fact she can't ever seem to tell you how she feels :((((

♡ if you ever got into another relationship would be beating herself up over it, like why didn't she make a move sooner? and she wouldn't be able to help herself, she'd get extra moody whenever your partner was around, distant and clearly irritated. poor baby is just so bad at expressing her feelings that whenever you'd ask her about it she'd just throw it under the rug and say she's on her period or something

♡ but when you and your partner inevitably broke up, of course she was right there to be your shoulder to cry on. you'd show up at her house sobbing in the middle of the night, and i think it would take her aback, honestly, how she felt her own tears falling as she embraced you on her doorstep. she would be so emotionally connected to you, your tears were hers, and she wanted nothing more than to make you feel better. she'd throw out an empty threat to your ex, and it'd make you smile. she loves to see you smile, gosh she'd do anything to make you happy, she just loves you so much!

♡ she wouldn't. stop. with the fucking. dad jokes. she'd be insatiable, truly, like...you were starting to wonder if she was getting off on telling them to you or something. but really, she just wanted to make you feel better, any little thing she could do to make you laugh would make her feel like she did good enough for the day

♡ and you'd start to see her romantically after a while, how could you not? and why didn't you sooner? she'd be so easily flustered though, every time your hand would linger on her shoulder, or whenever you'd squeeze her even tighter as you watched a horror movie...her heart would start beating all fast and her cheeks would get so rosy. maybe her pussy would even throb when she noticed you bending over extra slowly while getting dressed one day. and of course you were doing it for her

♡ she wouldn't be able to contain herself when you kiss her for the first time. and of course you made the first move, you think a loser like ellie would ever kiss you first? she'd been so desperate for you for so long i really think she might whine into your mouth. she's a whimperer, really, she'd probably gasp when you shove your hand down the front of her pants and get your fingers moving over her clit,

"oh! oh m'god," she'd be pathetic, her jaw clenching as she whined into your shoulder while your fingers slid between her wet folds with ease. she'd cum so fucking fast you'd barely have time to blink, repeating your name over and over like a prayer as she made a mess of your hand. you've never seen her like this, lust clouding her inhibition and making her so desperate it was like she was brainless, grabbing your wrist and bringing your slick-covered fingers to her mouth to suck them clean.

"i gotta taste you," she'd whine, and she'd make sure you were comfortable on the bed before spreading your legs and eating you out like she was a woman possessed, literally drunk on the taste of your pussy.

"taste so fucking good," between kitten licks to your clit, did she even know what she was saying? "i love you, i fucking love you," of course she was confessing her love for you now, when she had her nose buried in your cunt, intoxicated by the sound of your moans and the feeling of your skin being indented by her fingertips.

she may be a loser, but she'd be your loser.

[ughgoaway]

my favourite fics and writers

hi, y'all!! so I've decided that this year, I want to be more appreciative of all the amazing content we have on this app, and thank the writers providing it. this was inspired by Lily (lastnightwaskindofablur) who shared how long it took her to write her series, and it made me realise how much time and love are poured into these fics.

so this list is basically everyone im following, and my favourite piece of writing from them! I don't think I've forgotten anyone, but if I have IM SO SORRY!! if I am following you- I'm obsessed with you.

anyway, so sorry for tagging 1000 people but I love and appreciate you all so much!!

(so much rambling below the cut)

@64yrsold; “aches” is amazing and “wintering” is heartbreaking in the best way. Also, all of their one-shots are just amazing, I could read them over and over again!!

@yourtouchismidas; “ruins” was one of the first fics that had me checking AO3 every day for updates. truly heartbreaking and all-encompassing. and all the blurbs from it are also amazing. The dad! Matty content mixed with the angst is just so well done.

@abiiors; is not only one of the nicest people on this app (and maybe the world) but also one of the most talented writers. so so many amazing fics that honestly, don't even get me started on bc I will talk for HOURS. but “haunt//bed” is one fic I can't stop coming back to. And “Three’s a Party” is… mind-numbingly good, it actually made me scream into a pillow when I read it for the first time. Vee also creates all the amazing 75 Tumblr activities so really she is to thank for SO MUCH content on here!! one of the kindest people I know, and I feel so lucky to call her my friend :)))

@shinycollarboneapologist; was the blog where I started rambling and sharing ideas, so she is to thank for all the friends I've made on here!!! The Taylor verse is PHENOMENAL and “illicit affairs” is a fav. but “clandestine” has invaded my brain so much I literally dream about it regularly... so I have to say that's my no.1

@imagine-that-100; I first discovered her series "Drunk” on ao3 and then promptly binged everything on her masterlist (multiple times...) “Chicken Shop Date” is just a masterpiece (she and her co-writer are AMAZING on this and I will ramble about her later), but my personal fav is “truth serum”. I have probably read that fic about 50 times over and I love it just as much every time!!!

@heyidkyay; I first read “Who Can Say No to Bridezilla?” and became obsessed on ao3. but then I found them on Tumblr and was completely sucked into "I guess I'll take this pain, instead of your name" which is quite possibly the best George series on here. so much character building and back story, and overall just a phenomenal fic.

@justlikemebutsixfootthree; has some of the best smut on this app,” The Birthday Party” is probably my most re-read because it is just an absolute masterpiece. but “insane” and “direction” are also both amazing.

@imightgetbetter; was one of the first blogs I discovered on here, and I fell in love with the whole “Love It If We Made It” series. such an amazing development of a relationship and their writing is AMAZING. but my absolute favourites have to be “Bets are off” and “I love dilfs.”

@butyou-callmewhenyourebored; has such good Ross content all around, truly providing for the Ross girlies!!! but the Leeds au blurb 1 is my fav from them!

@drivelikeiido; has some beautiful fluff, and I just love the way they write Matty. but (not so) important decisions just make my heart warm like nothing else!!!

@toomuchracket; my beloved mads!! the fun wine aunt of 1975 Tumblr. I mean I could talk for 17 pages about my love for all of her au's... birthday party is the perfect supportive husband, d-word is the best slutty old man content on this app lol and flatmate is the friends-to-lovers content we all yearn for. asking me to choose my favourite Mads fic is like choosing a favourite child, but right now it has to be totally wrecked. I think that has altered my brain chemistry in an indescribable way… (edit; since writing this she has put out possibly my no.1 fic of all time, “and this is how it starts” so I just had to mention how much I fucking adore it)

@lottiecrabie; I mean... what else is there to even say about Lottie other than she is one of the best writers I have ever read. truly the mother of 1975 Tumblr. “rockstar girlfriend” and “pray for my soul” both have such special places in my heart, but anatomy au locked a new section in my brain fr. that little loser lives in my head rent free!!!

@tillthelandslide; is so so kind and has some amazing series I would recommend to EVERYONE. “insufferable asshole” is one of my absolute favourites, I love a grovelling man what can I say!!! but “Same for You” has me flipping sides every chapter, I still can't choose if I'm team Ross or team Matty.

@lastnightwaskindofablur; what more can I sat about the whole ATPOAIM universe other than it is quite literally phenomenal. the amount of time and effort poured into the Brittany Jackson universe is so clear by how amazing each fic and blurb is. my absolute favourite thought is "Christmas isn't cancelled (just you.)" from the 12 days of Christmas. it is easily one of my favourite fics I've read!!! She is also the whole inspiration behind this list and made me realise how important thanking your favourite writers really is.

@cowboylor; ohmyLORD the smut on this blog is just... wowowoowowowow. actually made me nervous to attempt smut because of how good theirs is. "Cabin Fever" is probably my favourite, I love a good threesome fic.

@alovesreading; the other half of the JAW DROPPING series that is “Chicken Shop Date”. the hours that have been put into that fic are so clear in how well thought out it is. every word feels purposefully placed, and every chapter fucking HITS. A also writes amazing fics for Alex Turner and is slowly making me an Alex girlie just by how good her writing is...

@bookish-strawberry; such such good fics in the "You and Me Till the End Universe". Ambrose has just created such loveable characters and you can't help but adore his writing. “alleyway” pt 1 and 2 are my favourites, I do love some fwb content.

@hypersonic04; her teacher Ross universe is just great, every blurb and fic just radiates the love between the characters that she has created!! but my absolute favourite fic of hers has to be "Tis the damn season", it somehow made me love one of my favourite songs even more.

@cryley; her “Petichor” series is just fluffy perfection, I have probably read it over 10 times and will 1000% be reading it at least 10 more...

@cows-wearing-my-sweater; has some amazing one-shots, and his work on “Eternal Summer” is absolutely beautiful. she manages to make you feel the warmth of summer through a screen, and it's fucking beautiful. 

@thefrontofmymind; has so many great matty fics/imagines, “Helping Hand” jumps out easily as my favourite though. Once again, friends with benefits is ALWAYS gonna slap. especially when they confess their feelings at the end!!!! ahhh so good. “Proof Positive” is such a good Ross fic, if you like pregnancy fics I would HIGHLY recommend it.

@uramilf; did the 12 days of Christmas last year, and every day was amazing!!! But £The Record Shop” is my favourite series from her, love and music combined are too perfect for me not to adore.

@3terna15unshin3; Marcey's fic "then because she goes" had me refreshing ao3 DAILY. este is such a well-rounded and beautiful character, her and Matty's love makes me so lovesick it's CRAZY. that whole series is my favourite, and my fav blurb from that universe is Toothbrush. Este and Matty are so beloved by me <333

@because-she-goes; has an amazing universe with Matty and an OC that I adore, Nora is such a lovely character and every fic about them makes me giddy. "black lace" and "Summer Girl" are my favourites of their fics though!

@theseventyfive; has such a way with words, every fic makes me giggle and kick my feet. but if you saw my tags on my reblog of "not so secret Santa" you know how deeply I adore that fic. the writing on it is beautiful and makes you feel warm somehow??? amazing.

@wrongendofurcigarette; George girlies it's your time to shine!!!! "sun-soaked" and "wet" swirl in my mind whenever I see a pic of George looking... particularly good. but recently she has created an actress reader au that I am BUZZING for. that little snippet was... wowowowowowowow

@automaticllamacycle; OLIVE!!!!! once again, such a nice and genuine human being and I am so so lucky to chat with her because she is the best hypeman EVER. and is amazing to bounce ideas off of. just such a kind person and I am blessed to scream to her over DM. her coffee shop AU might be my most-read fic ever. it was my daily routine at one point to wake up, go to AO3 and read that fic. when part 2 came out???? I DIEDDDDDDD. but also all of olives horny thoughts are... MUWAH chefs kiss.

@red---moon; "after party" is another fic I read regularly on ao3, sleepy matty after a party with flirting and then smut??? hellooooo yes please. also, “Souvenir” as a series is just amazing, so so so good.

@maxverstappensflatbrim; “show me yours” is such a beautiful universe, and has SO MANY CHAPTERS for you to become obsessed with. I just love every character in that universe, and Mac’s writing is amazing.

@justanamesstuff; “All I Need” is such an amazing series, and I would recommend it to anyone who loves Dad! Matty content!! But all her blubs are worth reading too!!

@procrastinatinglikeapro; is so so sweet and has some absolutely mind-blowing fics. I must have read her entire masterlist 10 times over at this point. Choosing a favourite is hard, but “Does it matter” as a series has me HOOKED. (but also I love “mango lipgloss” and “wear my name around your neck”… don't make me choose okay)

@wrestletotheground; has some absolute BANGERS that everyone MUST read. Once again, the ross-tent on this blog is amazing. “Crime and Punishment” is my fav Matty fic from them, and she absolutely killed it with “Settle Down” for Ross!!

@mybrokenveins3000; college ross SUPREMACY!!! She is right when she says she is proud of “everyday rockstar” because it's easily my fav!!

@steel-elle; beautiful writing with everything she does, but my favourite has to be “But I stay when it's hard, or it's wrong, or we're making mistakes” (is this also because I love the song New Year's Day?? perhaps…)

@kscheibles; “e la vita” is so stunning I don't even know how to verbalise it. That fic has a portion of my heart FOREVER. But college bf! Matty is truly the man we all deserve, and I am obsessed with him.

@think0fmehigh; molly!!! My love!!! What else is there to say about Molly other than she might be my fav filthy smut writer on this app, and thats a tough competition. Every time I get a snippet in DM’s from her, I feel like one of the luckiest human beings alive. Molly does not have a bad fic (despite her protests im sure) but my top two (because I CANT CHOOSE JUST ONE) have to be “Birthday Girl” and “You Get Me So High.” but honestly if you have the time, bless your life by reading every word she's ever written.

@controlmyfeet; DAD MATTY FIC. thats all I even need to say, it is SO SWEET and it makes me so happy!!!!

@bfiaflbox; sooooo much good content, but my favourites are “Wintering” and “Tonight I Wish I Was Your Girl” !!

@nowshesdoingitallthetime; kirke. This is me BEGGING for more bartender matty!!! “Cocktails, Cowboys and back alleys” is MWUAH MWUAH MWUAH. Bartender Matty is a need, I adored every second of that fic.

@wiintring; I NEED more from Christina!!! Her writing is all wonderful, and “Come here dressed in black now” does live in my mind!!! 

@grocerystorelist; “body of Christ” is made for the religious trauma girlies and the fleabag girls. PREIST MATTY DRIVES ME CRAZYYYYY. Leila is so talented, it's crazy.

@forcryingoutlloud; wowwowwowwow the smutty content on this blog… its sooooooo good. “Beg for it” and “greedy” did melt my brain in the absolute best way, like I was genuinely SWEATING at how hot it was. As is everything on her masterlist!!

@hrryshoney; gyno! Matty unlocked a whole new side to me that I had NO IDEA was there. Like… insane. And the newest photographer reader fic also drove me CRAZY because I do love a cocky fictional man and some semi-public sex…

@the1975attheirverybest; Halla’s blog is a great place for discussion, good writing and crazy intelligent analysis of the band. “Education” and “being funny in a foreign language” are just… art. Truly. The character of Amelia and the characterisation of Matty are some of my favourites on this app. Hot smut, good writing and a lovely human being- what else do you need hellooo?? (also the pegging blurb from ages ago… yeah I think about her A LOT.)

@sugar-coat-it; FILTY, AMAZING SMUT. literally, every piece on Belle’s masterlist is worth reading 100 times over. Her newest thigh-riding blurb has been rotting my brain, I can't stop going back to it and reading it. Also, the Kylo Ren fic… mask kink unlocked fr. and the matty helping you deepthroat fic is also incredible. (can I just name everything she's done orrr???)

@cinomn; Nina has some great content, and I would genuinely recommend anything!! My favourite has to be “Summer Nights”, but it's a TOUGH competition tbh!!

@noacfslut; THE WRITING SPEED ON THIS BLOG?? MIND BOGGILING. And not only is Elle speedy, but every fic all absolutely wonderful. “Jealousy jealousy” and “undo” are my favourites, but that might change when I get the chance to read her mechanic au, because from what I've heard, it's also extraordinary.

[reikunrei]

feeling incredibly averse to posting this but i'm just gonna drop my kofi link here in case anyone wants to help me get out of my increasingly shitty situation living with my parents

more info below ig

after having given my parents nearly $100k over the last four years, i'd love to be able to actually leave. my future job situation is still up in the air (i've submitted for about a dozen positions and the only one i've heard back from and interviewed for hasn't gotten back to me yet), and i haven't been able to build up any savings because, again, i was (and still am) helping my family afford rent and bills, and probably the taxes my parents are behind on, but if i think about that, i'll get too angry. no joke, i've given my family, at the bare minimum, 85% of my income over the last 4 years. the rest of it has gone toward medical stuff and, now, my car

at this point, with the combo of my mom refusing to lower her standards and my dad's seeming refusal to hunt for a new full time job, i don't see how they won't continue to bleed me dry. my dad even has a bad habit of taking money out of my old savings account that he's a joint owner on or whatever from when i got it set up when i was 16, even when i stopped actively putting money in it, so now any time it gets its automated $1 transfer from my checking account, he'll just take that $1 without consulting me. i'm not exaggerating, even if it has $1-2 in it, it'll be gone within a week

i've even put off starting on testosterone because of this. i wanted to start it like 3 years ago, but kept putting it off because of money issues and wanting to save as much as possible. i got really close to actually starting it this year, but because of how messy everything is, i put it off again bc having one more thing on my plate, especially when my parents are already weird about me being trans, was not something i wanted to deal with

not to mention, we're still currently not living under a lease in our house that we're, as far as i'm aware, still tens of thousands of dollars behind in rent on (again, my dad refuses to disclose our financial position honestly with any of us) and it's developed many, many issues bc the landlord, even before we were behind on rent, is shit and refuses to actually fix anything. and my dad loves to just ignore things unless we beg him to do something

i'd love to be on my own (in the, much more affordable, midwest) by the end of summer. i by no means want to rely on donations and i have other avenues i'm working with to make money (i still have my current full time job, but i'm going through my old belongings and selling a lot online), but i'll take any help i can get atp because i'm truly at my wits end. i'd start doing art commissions again if i could, but doing that from 2020-2022, partially on top of my full time job, absolutely wrecked my right hand and i'm still in enough pain that i can't make it a regular activity

idk how much else there is to say. there's more i could say but... i don't really wanna air all my dirty laundry here. i'm miserable in so many ways and it's just become increasingly clear that my dad expects me to constantly cover his ass. my younger brother gives money too, but he manages to go on big cross-country and overseas trips with friends, so i think i've been stuck with the burden of giving the most money. there's so many more things going on in the world rn and everyone is stretched thin so i don't expect much, or anything, but. idk. might as well throw it out there, right?

i’ve also since taken down the gfm i set up last year when we got our first eviction notice bc, while we still need the money, i don’t feel right keeping it up for multiple reasons, including “i don’t want to give any of that money to my family” and it feels too… serious to keep it up when i could just throw out my kofi instead

i just want to make sure i have some sort of safety net to catch me if i move before anything job-wise is finalized. i need to be able to afford a place to live for at least a month so i can job-search while physically being in the area i wanna move to, which would ultimately make it easier for me to find a job at all. i'm working on being more firm with giving less money so i can actually have the means to move and be safe and comfortable, but... that never lasts long in this house

anyway. that's it, i guess. thanks for reading

[sugar-omi]

Imagine mc giving birth to their baby. You know, Cove is probably panicking, Baxter pretending he's okay but at some point faints and our brave Derek letting mc crush his hand with theirs lol

And also I've seen a clip of a dude who just witnessed his wife deliver their baby and, with a face full of horror, he told her, "I am SO sorry, I won't do that again. " 🤣😭

I'm just imagining one of the boys saying something like that, in my head it's so funny

omg i almost missed this!!! im so glad you brought this up bc i love thinking abt how the boys are during delivery, especially cove omg (im sorry this is such a ramble... but also not sorry bc my brain worms are dancing in happiness at these thoughts)

cove:

even though you've had months to prepare for this and cliff n kyra has given cove lots of advice, paired with a lot of "don't freak out!" (sometimes followed by something freaky that happens during pregnancy or labor...)

he's prepared for this though. as prepared as an anxious first time dad can be. i mightta said this before, but whether you have him in the room the whole time or just to come cut the cord and hold the baby, is up to you.

if you have him in the room he'll let you hold his hand and he'll be holding yours back (he doesn't notice the pain of your grip for the longest...)

he definitely does what you mentioned and apologizes for putting you thru this LOL

after you give birth, he will do everything... he'll change diapers, put them down for naps, burp, wash, everything... because after that he needs to even the balance (if it was up to him, you'd never lift a finger after that, especially if you have multiple kids via birth)

HE'S ALSO OVERLY PREPARED

delivery bag? more like BAGS. mans has double of everything, he's PETRIFIED

also he runs to any place you want and buys you food while you're in labor if it's really long

and he stays with you up until its go time, then if you want him to wait outside he will

also he faints... or at least gets weak

if you have a c-section he's alrdy freaked out bc... omg they're taking a knife to you thats scary shit

but just natural birth? he's doubly freaked out because your body can do THAT??? you're literally pushing out a whole baby and he is awed but losing his shit honestly

would be babbling praises and encouragements (both for you and himself) n you can tell him to shut up its okay bc he's gonna laugh in the end anyway, but he'll probably end up going quiet bc he's trying not to be distracting and he probably saw something he wasn't prepared for 😬

probably starts crying the closer your baby gets to being out the womb, n after they're fully out and here he's bawling and just realized it but also he's trying to comfort n check on you first so you end up laughing bc he's fretting over you as if he isnt flooding the room

baxter:

mans is NOT CALM

tries to look calm, but he just looks constipated and he looks tired honestly

he's been losing sleep this whole pregnancy bc he's afraid of being a bad father, but he's so excited and ends up staying up at night talking to your belly so he just can't win

surprisingly dropped the collared shirts and slacks

mans is stuck in t-shirts and sweatpants or jeans

his hair is a mess too

omg he's napping when you go into labor

he jumps up, mismatched socks (either he's wearing an ankle cat print sock and a knee high sock, or he's wearing one sock. its bad n i think him wearing one sock is better (worse for him but hes fineeee))

the nurses love him bc he's running in and out bringing you food and runs back to get anything he or you forgot or might need

another over packer

honestly they're all over packers who are we kidding

this is where is wedding planner job comes in handy

has backups and plan b's for everything

and even though everything is right he brings extra just to feel better

won't be in the room if you want that ofc, but he psychs himself up to be in there

he's really scared n nervous, more-so than cove actually. but he wants to support you and if you want him in there, he's there. even if you reassure him he doesn't have to be there, he wants to be

he has to sit down while he's there, his leg is shaking and he's torn between watching whatevers going on over there and watching your face for any signs which.. doesnt really make sense since labor isnt like going to the waterpark but he has a kind heart <33

spends so much time looking at the baby... cove does too but baxter spends double that time

watches the nurses and doctors like a hawk whenever they mess w the baby

will curl up next to your bed and thanks you so much for giving him such a beautiful life, this is all stuff he never thought he'd have and he's so happy

derek:

he's actually the calmest one

he has 2 siblings and even though he was young when they were born, he has lots of experience with babies and he prepared

isn't that bad of an over packer actually, just extra baby stuff and some of the best snacks

but he'll still surprise you with your favorite food or takeout

he will do anything for you during labor, remind him to just sit down and hold your hand n stfu, thats what nurses n doctors are for n he really can't help much atp, its all up to you and the nurses+doc

holds your hand even though you might be hurting him. will just wince thru it or convince you to switch hands

will keep giving encouragement and either times it perfectly so he doesn't get on your nerves or you have to kindly ask him to shut up bc you're not playing ball, it isnt helping!!!!

also pulls a cove and does a lot of the work around the house and with the baby bc that was tough work, labor and carrying the baby? you deserve it!!!

ends up talking n holding the baby a lot, is probably a little scared since theyre so little and just holds their hand or looks at them

you sometimes wake up to him mumbling stuff to the baby, abt how happy he is, how he's going to take care of you both, how much he loves them...

carries everything outta the hospital by himself (by everything he means your hand and the baby, his family is probably dragging your stuff to the car bc they're here to help n make your life a million times easier and its literally a sleepover with nico around)

anyway. i need more dad!derek hc's now, specifically uncle nico and jorge, bc that is such a big brain thought

now this applies to all the boys honestly, i didnt even think abt it until now

but he helps you walk to the bathroom and put on all the pads n underwear n stuff if you need it

i remember seeing a youtube short where the woman said her fiance or husband helped her walk to the bathroom, spray her coochie w the water spray bottle, and with the underwear stuff

so don't worry about how you look or if it's icky because you're all sore and/or stitched up or anything like that because he's not paying attention, he just wants to help you in any way possible

[kitnootkat]

See you later sk8er !

Episode 2. ; Dinner with the Neighbors ... Previous || Show List || Next

Checking your phone, you notice that it’s already been about ten minutes since you’ve been in the bathroom. If you stay any longer your parents are bound to get suspicious which means that you’ll probably get a lecture. Something you want to severely avoid.

If you were being honest with yourself you really did expect dinner not to go too well, but the thought applied to your whole family; not only to you. Conversations were seemingly lively except for the one with the boy sitting across from you which was very, very dead. You had both tried to start conversations but honestly nothing really stuck. You’re sure that if your parents weren’t there it would have gone better but that doesn’t change the fact that it wasn’t working out. 

Yet right as you think that dinner couldn’t get any worse the topic of comparison had landed right into both mom’s palms. This made things even more awkward for you and the older kid Suna, who you know as Rintarou now, who were already struggling to talk. How do you even talk to someone easier if your moms are asking you to tutor him and your mom is asking him to teach you to let loose. One answer: you can't. 

It ended up getting way too awkward for you to handle to the point where running away was your best bet. That means the bathroom was the perfect place to go. Which is where you are now.

Letting out a fairly deep sigh, you stare at yourself in the mirror before smacking your cheeks. Get your head into focus YN. It’s time to face the world. 

OH SHIT. Eyes widening and trying to hold back a deep breath, you feel your soul jump out of your body. Why was Suna Rintarou leaning on the wall outside of the bathroom door and why did he seem just as spooked at you. “I- Ahem. Why are you standing outside the bathroom?” Your arms are crossed at this point and you have an eyebrow raised, eyes looking him up and down. But maybe that was a bad idea because now you could finally take in him, and the situation, but mainly him. And his- stop.

“Well, whenever we have people over I usually show them to the bathroom and then wait for them so I can lead them back to the dining room but…” The black haired boy takes a pause and takes a good look at you before putting on an annoying smirk “someone decided to take ten minutes in the bathroom.” Ooh! The nerve of this boy. Huffing, you give back a very passive aggressive smile. What the hell was his problem? Were all damn middle blockers like this?! Right as you’re about to reply though he pushes himself off the wall and starts walking back to the living room. “Oh, ln-san, by the way your mom was right, you are smart. Maybe next time don’t wait in the bathroom for so long though.”  Ahaha. Actually die Suna Rintarou. You wanted to shove that stupid look off his face. Thank god you wouldn't have to fraternize with him too much though. Right...? Maybe not.

As you walk our of the door of the Suna household, your phone feels heavy as his contact was already in your phone.

Notes !! : -> Episode two is done!! Woohoo!! -> I really couldn't decide whether to end the chapter after the writing portion but i feel like what i added worked fine -> Bro i hate writing the word smirked but knowing Suna bro does that shit often -> There there yn, i would get pissed off from Suna too -> Suna was actually waiting outside of the bathroom for 10 minutes scrolling on like idk tiktok -> His mom asked him why he waited for her since that wasn't something he normally did and his reply was a shrug and a "just felt like it" -> yn did not avoid the lecture and got one on politeness when they got home except her dad said "you shouldn't be shitting in other peoples bathrooms." she could not leave her room after that -> Theres two Nekoma closets and one of them is abandoned bc it was "haunted" and i really wanted to include that in this chapter and who better to get stuck in a closet that bokuto and kuroo -> Also im thinking about adding kuroo and kenma bc there isnt enough people here

taglist : open ! ft.ft. @lcvemiyuki @cannibalsrider @skazewrld @thvvluvr @snail-squasher @mfcherry @sereniteav @cocoforkuroopuffs @causenessus @yuminako @starsagainsthearts

[inchidentally]

Why do I feel like Oscar is intentionally keeping Lando at a distance because he assumes it would never work out? And Lando kind of wishes Oscar would show an interest but he isn't so Lando pulls back too? Maybe I'm totally crazy but feels like they're doing a double fake out. If not then why not just be friendly the way they are with other guys?

@twinkodium helped talk me through this ask so a huge thank you to her <3

gonna put below a cut and include some other asks that aren't necessarily of interest to everyone and are kind of in the same vein (note the tag)

okay so "why not just be friendly like they are with other guys" is a pretty good thing to focus on bc when you actually break it down, Lando and Oscar define themselves as being pretty shy and they conceal a fair amount their lives and closest friends from the public. and truth is that it seems to take both of them at least a year of knowing someone before they open up - and even longer before they're as friendly as we see them with guys like Logan, Zhou, Carlos or Daniel. Lando lists the guys he's known since as far back as karting as his closest friends. so after just one season together, what we already have in terms of friendliness between Lando and Oscar is pretty damn good!

but honestly we can't say that either of them are really holding back at all when we've got Andrea and Zak constantly emphasizing how in sync they are and then of course how big they both show up for each other's wins/poles etc. whatever we don't get in terms of fun fandom content, we've got them showing each other mutual respect and support and sharing the same priorities. that's... really good imo.

it's what cracks me up abt everyone who went all 'planetf1 angry white dad in oakleys selfie in a truck comment section' over that recent Oscar quote. Lando's literally had everyone saying the same thing to him, directly and on social media ?? did they also decide that Martin Brundle, Natalie Pinkham, Lawrence Barretto and Jenson Button all despise Lando and want to take swipes at him by saying that his public flagellation feels of no use and worse, that it's probably a hindrance to his mindset? did Lando suddenly became loathed by all these people who SEEM to openly like or love him bc they said that ??

or did they expect Oscar to respond to that question with "oh no yeah it's cool that my teammate who I actually like shits all over himself and gives his haters ammo y'know to each their own whatever man" bc that WOULD actually be incredibly cold and hurtful asgajsgfljasf

I know fandom can go way off track and start expecting these men to talk like fan fic but the truth is that they view each other as professionals and fellow drivers first and friends (if they are) second. I won't repeat myself bc I've posted about it enough but none of the grid are a significant part of Lando or Oscar's life outside F1. Lando and Martin did a stopover in Perth (and apparently Martin even had work there?) for one day to ride dirt bikes at Daniel's ranch and Lando went to Carlos' sisters' gigantic state wedding lol. doesn't compare at all compared to Lando's time spent with Max F, the quadrant folks, his family, his Monaco friends and definitely not Martin Garrix. it also doesn't mean that they're not still friends with those guys on the grid - it's just not the same.

so the fact that Lando and Oscar aren't out here dishing out bromancey stuff where fans can see and hear definitely doesn't say that those bromances mean the drivers are actually any closer. Oscar relied on extroverts like Robert and Arthur to give him something to play off and Lando relied on Carlos and Daniel for the same. so when they're left without a gobby extrovert they do that cute thing of giggling and handing back and forth to each other. to me personally it's always kind of sweet ?? that Lando and Oscar do the thing of looking at each other for support to get through the cringey and awkward to camera stuff. sometimes when Lando is really feeling himself Oscar can just kick back and watch him. and as we saw w that helmet design video, even when Oscar isn't filming w Lando he hangs around offers support.

wow apparently I cannot stay on track today anon but idk I just personally think that it's the opposite of a mutual fakeout and they've bonded pretty well over both being shy, both being equally focused on their careers and also needing to switch off sometimes. finding out they spent the night after Lando's crash in Vegas together sharing "commiserations" is like, one in a long list of us hearing that they chose to hang out alone together and not publicize it.

all of us are on the outside of their friendship and as much as that suuuuucks for not getting as much content as we want, it's also really sweet and kind more likely to be genuine and lasting since they consider a lot of that relationship as private <3

askgfka no prob!! tbh a lot of the stress and anxiety in other Lando ships is down to ppl getting way too comfy w the idea that real life partners either aren't "real" or that they're the only thing standing in the way of their ship becoming real.

and bc for some reason landoscar makes me want to write all of these essays I feel like it's kind of my responsibility to be like yeah, there's even more than just assuming ppl's sexualities and their real life partners stand between two ppl we like to imagine together actually getting together. rpf is heavy on the f and mostly what we're all actually enjoying are friendships. and as someone who is lucky to have them, I personally wouldn't be one of those ppl who said romantic partners and friendships are on some sliding scale of importance. they're just different!

ever since landoscar became a thing, Lily's been in Oscar's life and Lando's been pursued by every man who sees him and burning through baddies on Raya on a literal global scale. it's important to come back from rpf to that fact so we don't end up attraction those legions of people calling real life girlfriends "PR beards" or that Lando's dating app horniness is some front for him meeting up with Carlos or Daniel or whoever lol.

oh I am so not the person to answer abt this since I can't relate to wanting couples to get married or thinking that it's all that significant! I'm a huge romantic and I theoretically enjoy the idea of weddings/marriage but all the ppl I know who've gotten married out of college are already regretting or cheating it so it's put a real damper on it for me.

but that's as much as I want to speculate abt them bc I don't want to put anything out in the universe for ppl I'll never even know !!

[t1oui]

random weasley-wood children headcanons (bc obviously im ignoring percy's canon wife, sorry audrey)

so in canon percy has 2 kids: lucy and molly ii. when i made up the weasley-wood kids i named the eldest lucy without knowing of the canon lucy's existence, so i just thought i'd give that as a fun fact. anyways onto the children

lucille weasley-wood, better known as lucy (percy only calls her lucille when he's worried she's about to hit one of her cousins in the face with a bludger), is a ravenclaw. she's in the same year as lily potter and rose granger-weasley, and the eldest of the three (think of them as the new marauders without peter. basically, they prank people).

if it wasn't obvious from that bludger comment earlier, she's a beater for the ravenclaw team. she's been a beater ever since oliver taught her what the position was (so she was like 1, probably) because "come on dad, i get a bat".

lucy is generally a confident person, and has a bit of a reputation from her cousins (and her parents) for being a blabbermouth. every time there's a secret that needs to be kept, it's rose and lily's job to get lucy as far away from it as possible. she protests, but honestly, she knows it's for the best.

lucy ends up with henry, another ravenclaw in her year and the other ravenclaw beater (and the eldest of my 2 oc kids of dean and seamus). they bond over being extremely protective over their younger siblings (henry is honestly kinda scared of lucy but who isn't at this point).

she ends up playing professional quidditch for the hollyhead harpies and becomes an announcer after that.

skye weasley-wood, the middle child of the three, is a hufflepuff and the only one who doesn't play quidditch (you bet oliver tried. percy told him to stop torturing their children after the fourth time lucy knocked skye off his broom). skye is, as some of you may have guessed, named after the isle of skye in scotland, which is where i hc oliver to be from.

skye is definitely more on the studious side, preferring to read than to do physical activity of any kind. in truth, he's rubbish on a broom. his favorite form of transportation is floo travel, even in adulthood.

skye doesn't have any cousins or family friends in his year, nor is he remotely connected to any hufflepuffs other than teddy (who is long graduated from hogwarts). luckily, in his second year, his younger sister and her friends decide to befriend him (read: force him to join their group because if they want to be better pranksters than lily, rose, and lucy, they need someone in hufflepuff on their side). skye doesn't really mind.

skye's favorite teacher is neville longbottom, and with the help of neville's plant knowledge, he helps out in some truly spectacular pranks. (lucy can't figure out if she's supposed to be angry or proud, so she torments him with an array of zonko's products before settling on both. skye, whose hair is green for the rest of term, is not as pleased with this decision as she is.)

despite his inability to fly and his extreme fear of splinching, skye manages grades rivaling percy's on his newts and decides to be an auror. one day, he takes percy's job as the head of the department of magical law enforcement.

katie weasley-wood, named after katie bell, is the girl everyone says takes after percy the most. she's a slytherin like him, and even though she seems much more outgoing, anyone who knows percy knows that they truly are one in the same. she's a monster on a broom and ends up playing seeker for slytherin after albus graduates. (she's keeper in the year they're both playing, and she's surprisingly good for a 2nd year. at least, she's surprisingly good for the split second before people remember she's oliver wood's daughter.)

katie is not one to be outshone, so when she finds out that her older sister is part of a pranking trio, she gets together a group of first years (and skye), determined to be better. (and mcgonagall thought the weasley twins were bad.) she will destroy you, but she will do it with a smile on her face. be warned.

katie's favorite subject is defense against the dark arts. she loves potions, too, and history of magic can be fun (nobody seems to see how entertaining binns can be when he thinks everybody's asleep), but in dada, she gets to annoy her uncle harry. nothing is better than that. (he pretends he doesn't find her funny, and she pretends she doesn't know he's full of it.)

katie plays quidditch whenever she's home (always keeper, now), but she ends up following her uncle bill into curse breaking. she never does play pro like everyone thought she would. she pretends she doesn't see percy's smiles when she's telling him all about her success.

years later, katie and skye take over weasley's wizard wheezes. you thought it was bad before.

[dividers by firefly graphics]

[lovelyladyabsinthewrites]

OHHHHH A ANOTHER BRAIN STORM HAPPEN!!!! ok ok you know that Butcher had Becca ok and then (well you know what happened to her 😶😶) AND Butcher is not the only one who tried to move on, MC too tried to move on like Butcher and Becca situation but with MC and BN (aka black noir).

She too didn't think that she would be able to love again but then met Noir he did heal most of painful parts but Butcher also gonna have that piece that he took with him, even though at first Homelander didn't like the relationship between MC and his best friend (in this time Soldier boy is still kidnapped and didn't know about the relationship) BUT Vought though about like one of those power couple soo HL couldn't do anything but both Black noir and MC did have a good relationship like Becca and Butcher BUT like you said fate can bring inescapable things to happened, both Noir and Becca died.

And Billy Butcher and MC cross paths again with one a nother and fall in love once again.

P.s bonus one too after Soldier boy found out about his baby girl was dating the guy who send him to Russia, soldier boy was pissed and wanted to do inexplicable and painful things to Black noir but couldn't do it.

(I also can imagine where Black noir confess to MC that he and the Payback team send Soldier boy to Russia , and she probably already knew and understand the situation of his and her dad, thought her Soldier boy was dead bc Vought said something about explosion and stuff and didn't think that soldier boy was alive). ;33

honestly, as much as i love BN i see him more as an uncle/father figure/best friend/guardian angel to both mc and hl since he's known them since they were little kids. like bn taking care of them with the hopes that they won't turn out like their father. he sees how sb raises you and your brother and does his best to at least make parts of your day fun and bearable. that you and hl have some semblance of a happy childhood.

i can imagine sb bringing his kids to a Payback training session and BN keeping you guys entertained to prevent you from seeing your dad beat the ever loving fuck out of Gunpowder.

i think he'd still be looking out for them even when they're part of the Seven. maybe he feels partly responsible still for them. but bn unfortunately acknowledges that it might be too late for hl :( and of course bn feels slightly guilty about having a hand in sending SB to russia. He convinces himself that you and your brother would be better off without soldier boy.

and when mc leaves the seven to join the boys, bn still looks after her. he wants for you to get as far away as possible from homelander. there's a chance for you to be different and even if it means BN can't see you every day he knows that the Boys have your back.

he does give butcher the business at first when you start to date him again. or as much as he could since he can't talk.

yes, Black Noir is the guardian angel of Soldier Boy's kids 🥺

[welcome-to-the-end-of-eras]

Live Reading: The Mars House by Natasha Pulley

Some initial (spoiler-free) observations for now:

1.) desperately missing the style of publication from twofs and tbs, book covers that come off are my biggest opp

2.) Edward Cullen lookin ass cover I kinda love it

3.) absolutely love the fact that The Bedlam Stacks is officially part of the Watchmaker series even though Mori is in like 3 scenes, he’s so powerful

Off the bat, it's really interesting to see the way January interacts with what is our present like it's something ancient. The way he describes the "ruins" of London and various places around that people today may even live in, as if it's centuries old. Idk what year this takes place in but I feel like it's going to be like 2030 or some shit lmao

I already read the leaked chapter so I'm just going to skip it, all in all though I like January so far. He's a little less...I don't want to say compelling, but he doesn't have as much of a distinctive personality off the bat as Valery or even Flint, but I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. Plus he's like. Actively in crisis, so I'm going to give him a pass

He does have the gen Z tendency for nihilism tho, moreso than the other mc's, and I really like it

Oh wait no he's not even gen Z he's like. Gen Theta??? This is farther into the future than I thought, which is good bc it was a lil depressing to think it was this close to the present and everything was flooded (I mean we're still boned but I was expecting the time period to be like. A very likely 2027 or something.)

I honestly really like the way January isn't content with the small things in his life that make him miserable like the other mc's. He's a Complainer. He's literally me-

"It was fine as icing sugar." ??? Girl are we getting some freaky future ghost shit again??? Please???

I CAN'T DO THIS I CAN'T DO THIS I CAN'T DO THIS I CAN'T DO THIS I CAN'T-

MORI AND DAUGHTER??? I'M GOING TO PASS AWAY-

I will be crying about this forever

Six taking over the shop but keeping her dad's name attatched...BEING CANON??? We STAY winning

"There are moments when you come so close to another future you can taste the air in the courtroom." GIRL SHUT THE FUCK UP RESPECTFULLY I'M ABOUT TO START SCREAMING-

Wait these exoskeleton things sound cool as fuck, I wonder how hard it would be to make one for cosplay purposes??? Probably pretty tricky (and knowing myself I would never finish it) but it still seems really fun to make

Damn he's really scared of not wearing that thing, my poor baby :((( ugh I really do like him a lot so far

Ohhh wait I thought wearing the suit was to protect him, not to protect others??? I misread

But he's still really that scared of hurting anyone else :((( he's my baby I've decided

I feel like I'm not going to like Gale much off the bat bc they're going to be rude to him, but I'm sure I'll grow to like them more. I mean I didn't much care for Shenkov off the bat but I adore him now so

Not to get Prentious-English-Major-y, but it seems like a running theme in this book is getting over the shame of taking up space in the world. January is constantly being reminded that he needs to stay in his place and not cause trouble for others, and it's so engrained into him that he can't help but panic over a simple mistake that could've been corrected with a gentle warning. But it also wasn't a gentle warning; the guy in the elevator fucking yelled at him!!! Immediately!!! I get the notion that it was a matter of safety for him, but January was far away from and couldn't have possibly hurt him, and he still yelled. Coming from the lense of a queer man, it's very reflective of the homophobic idea that queer people can't even be trusted in public because they're "sexual deviants" and the like, or even going back to the 80s when people thought that AIDS was transmitted through just skin-to-skin contact. Idk. Food for thought.

Honestly??? The way his thoughts keep circling back to the way everyone was horrified of him on the elevator is the most accurate way I've ever seen someone describe anxiety attacks

What tf is up with the pink elephants??? New tattoo idea just dropped???

Ooo interesting monetary system for the trains. I went into Boston to get my copy and they started doing a similar thing on the green line (the only train system that runs above ground, so they can't really stop people from not paying to get on) and it kind of reminds me of that. It's definitely not that similar, but it's enough that I made the connection

Creepy Government Programs Meant To Completely Cripple Minorities Just So They Can Access Slightly Worse Basic Rights They Should Already Have...totally not realistic...haha...not at all...

Only a year??? January...buddy...you've been here for 600 days...

Oh wait no I just looked it up, a year on Mars is actually about 687 days, nvm, fuck me I guess

The whole conundrum of naturalizing vs just using the cage is vvv interesting, and is also reminiscent of the way disabled people are encouraged by society (and warned by medical professionals) to undergo drastic surgeries to cure their disability

Damn so going on the train cost him a half hour of work??? That's kinda nuts. Although if it's a longer distance train it's not as bad, but it seems like it just went from one part of the city to the other

Oh??? Hello??? He has a crush on his boss??? Honestly she sounds like a milf I don't blame him-

I feel like the release button of his suit being over his heart is going to be important and dramatic and it's going to make me cry

Idk how to word this properly but like. January being motivated to eat more and train for ballet again bc he's just overall happier with Gale may just (happily) destroy me, the same way tlfop describes Thaniel getting a lot stronger over the course of four years bc he's eating more and started boxing and that, but I feel like it'll be different bc him being married to Gale will offer him the privilege to do that kind of thing while others aren't awarded the freedom

The group physical therapy before work is kinda nuts, we should honestly do that at my job too

Honestly the way they're describing these work suits is kind of a serve, especially with the cool skeleton lookin thing around it, that would make such a fun cosplay

Senator Gale in the mix too!!! Vvv excited, even though I know January is going to do some fuckshit on tv with them

I KNOW January is pretty af I know it in my soul

"Great power to be had from ogling." I'm love Val sm-

Love that she included how to pronounce Mx bc it always throws me for a loop. Also...McWang??? Girl-

I really do not know what I expected from the woman who managed to get the word "octopussy" in three of her books

"...so that he wouldn't think about how much he would have loved to see someone shove Audrey bloody Gale off a cooling tower." DAWG-

He really fuckin hates them wow, their public persona must suck

Oh also random thought I forgot to include a bit earlier, but is it like. Genuinely illegal to assume people's gender in this society??? That's kinda based actually. Fox News would have a field day. "ThIs Is CoNfIrMaTiOn Of ThE fUtUrE tHeSe LiBeRaLs ArE lOoKiNg FoR." Ugh I hope someone shows them, that would be fucking hilarious (obviously no one should tho bc I sincerely believe there are some idiotic people who would start sending Natasha death threats over it and I don't want that).

"...and do everyone a favour by turning immediately into goo." Jesus fucking Christ dude-

I hope January beats the shit out of some of these people I really do-

Hehe puffweens

Ooo the Mars citizens fashion seems fun

"Thirteen year olds were, of course, terrifying monsters..." thirteen year olds are extremely lame when you get to know them but I do get the anxiety (I say as someone who worked with them for over 5 years)

He doesn't want to scare anyone :(((

First he's comparing Gale to the devil, and now he's saying they look like a god??? Make up your mind dude

"He followed the news like a bloodhound when it came to Gale." My good bitch you are so definitely into them-

The fact that Val has to bribe January with chocolate to not throw a brick at Gale is so...I'm love them so much

[billdecker]

So it's after 6am and I've had barely any sleep because my mind is racing so here's why my party went to shit. Hopefully getting this out somewhere will make me feel better. I'm sorry this is so long.

It started off feeling a bit ahhhh because my dress was a scratchy sensory nightmare. I also wore make-up. I never wear make-up because I hate how it feels on my skin so I was already feeling a bit horrible. So i changed out of my dress and felt a bit better.

Also, I invited my sister and she never showed up. I asked her to just pop in for an hour because she deserves a break (my eldest niece is going through some terrible puberty emotional stuff; been expelled from school; sister has a very misogynistic bf who does nothing to help her in the house so she's balancing everything and close to breakdown herself). So I felt upset about that but got over it and I completely understood why. It's a good job she didn't come along after all.

Things changed when alcohol happened (obvs). We had a couple of drinks and were singing along to some angry 90s girly pop and I felt really happy. I decided I didn't want any more drink for a while which BFF didn't like and kept trying to pressure me to drink more. I think that's when I started to kinda disconnect??

Anyway, she then spent wayyyyy over an hour (probably two hours tbh) just talking to my husband about her boyfriend. Telling D her bf's entire life story including really intimate details. Her bf is a musician in his spare time and he's currently working on an album. She wanted to end my playlist so we could listen to his youtube back catalogue of black metal songs. D is an expert on dealing with people who have drunk a lot (sadly; his dad was an alcoholic) so he was kinda handling all of this while I was sitting there feeling like a billy no mates at my own party. Honestly, she didn't look at me once. I'm sitting on the other settee on the other side of the room like that fucking John Travolta staring around meme.

Then when she did involve me (like, over an hour later) she starts comments about mine and D's intimate life and she's showing me all of these photos she's taken of me and saying how sexy I look in them all and I have to change them to my profile pic. I did not look great in them. I hated every single photo. Then she grabs the glowstick dick (this is a long story, it's a tradition that we make a dick out of glowsticks when we meet up) and starts rubbing it against me telling me to do stuff to the dick and pretend it's D, and if I don't wanna pretend it's D then pretend it's a couple of the men I've talked to online. I used to chat to blokes online for a bit of fun. D knew about it and never had a problem with it. It was all consensual fun stuff. I told her in confidence and didn't expect it to be brought up. I was just slowly feeling humiliated. By this point she's drunk a bottle and a half of rum (I KNOW. I only got the second bottle in bc I'd had the first for a while, sealed, but was worried about it) and I've had three drinks that I've slowly sipped over five or so hours so I'm still very sober. But I could feel myself spiralling. Like, my social battery is running out and I can't socially mask any longer so I said I was going to sit in the bedroom for five minutes because it's cooler and I'm gonna take off my make-up.

And I knew right then I just won't be able to go for the tattoo on Thursday. I don't have enough social energy left to do it. My mood has only started to get better after getting pierced. I know my own limits and I know I can't do it. Thankfully my other BFF is on the other end of Whatsapp. She's wise and really helps me to put things in a logic way when I'm spiralling. So she said to just be firm and say I'm going to bed because I'm tired and I need some rest.

So when I calmed down I did that and I thought I'd be honest about not being able to go to get the tattoo. Then things just got worse. She started saying I have to go and get it; that she, D, and my dad will practically drag me outside to do it. That we can make a whole day of it by visiting the park and then the pub (this is literally the worst thing I can do). And I'm trying to be firm and assertive and not mask and lay down my boundaries. I said no, I can't do it. I know a couple of days before I need to do something if I can do it or not. Like when I've been to the dentist or I got pierced, I might have been an anxious wreck but I knew deep down inside that I could do it. I know I can't do this. My mind won't change. She started arguing that I'll feel different on Thursday and I'm letting myself down (the other worst thing to say to me). She starts saying we should get some more rum tomorrow and have the party again because I've ended it early and it's not a proper party. Also that if I'm still drunk I'll get through the tattoo easier (wtf no). And I'm no fun, and I've been planning this for a year only to end it early by basically being a boring old fart.

By this point, I'm crying. I'm sitting there feeling like I'm being told off by my mum. She's saying all the stuff my mum would when I'd have a meltdown about having to go to family parties or if I just didn't want to go sit outside. BFF is completely ratarsed just having a go at me. She hasn't even noticed I'm crying. So I just stood and announced I was going to bed. I texted D from the bedroom to ask him if he could tidy up all of the buffet food and decorations. I lay on the bed and just silently sobbed until I kinda passed out.

I woke up when D came to bed and then I cried some more. I asked if she'd said anything about the tattoo or me coming to bed and she said she wanted to hatch a plan with him to force me to go outside. Then she started to talk more about her bf and their life and stuff that made D feel very uncomfortable. I'm going to have to do something nice for D or buy him something nice as a thank you for dealing with it all like an absolute pro. I cried into him and then had a really good chat with my other BFF about everything which made me feel better. I thought maybe I'd feel better after some sleep and I do, but in the way that it's just given me even more clarity that I definitely can go do on Thursday. My mood is still terrible and all I want to do is cry.

Tbh I just wanna stay in my room. She's here til Friday and I don't know how I'm gonna face her. D is going to cancel the tattoo for me later today and say I have covid. I might reschedule at some point and get a different tattoo just for me to celebrate my birthday. I'm so mentally drained I don't know how I'm going to get through my actual birthday on Saturday. I wanted to visit my parents but I can't even see myself leaving the flat. I feel crushed tbh. I hadn't seen her for five years. She hasn't changed. She's always been this loud and gone on and on about the men she's seeing (on my wedding day she spent 12 hours on myspace chatting to a boy she fancied, so she has form) but I think since realising I'm potentially autistic, my understanding of my behaviours has changed so I have boundaries now to prevent further mental breakdowns being worse in the long run. So I've really changed. I'm not just willingly going along with shit. I don't want to mask and I don't want to people please.

If you read this, thank you. She's here til Friday and I don't know how I'm gonna get through it because now I just wanna stay in bed, watch comfort TV, and do some work on my writing. I'm 40 years old in three days time. I'm too old for this sort of stuff to be happening. This stuff is shit that should happen 20 years ago. I just wanted a cute day where I listened to all of my favourite songs, had a beige buffet, and it was all good vibes.

Thank you all for your very sweet comments too. I kept coming to check on here to give my anxious hands something to do and reading them really made me smile while all of this stuff was going down. I have some of the best followers xxxx

[stupidcanofpeaches]

okay!! finished s3 bitches!!

highlights:

lila and diego take the spotlight!! best messy couple hands down. dad diego!!

sloane and luther were honestly really heartwarming

blackout drunk five

the wedding episode was pretty fun if bittersweet

allison getting her happy ending after all the shit? i realize that this might be a controversial take

uhhhh five's arm getting cut off? just for a few minutes but the whump potential is there!!

reginald was a magnificient bastard, really enjoyed seeing more of him in action this season

more spotlight on luther in general! the moon flashback, more emphasis on his stress eating which i found really relatable

bitchy ben was fun!

allison's villain arc although with Big Caveats

harlan bc i actually kinda enjoyed him reconnecting with viktor

did not like:

the way the sparrows were handled? not enough time to really get to know the character, especially marcus who was offed almost immediately. the dynamics and parallels were interesting, but they were gone way too quickly despite their interesting designs and potential. i would've loved more flashbacks with them at least, like the dojo sparring match

i'll fully admit i did not expect them to actually kugelblitz stanley. i really did not.

allison's villain arc goes right here too bc while i feel that she was long overdue for it and its been brewing since s2, and i do like that they showed her trauma more in-depth, but they had her cross a boundary with barely any repercussions. the whole thing with luther was uhhh. uncomfortable. though i do like that at least they showed him to be freaked out and angered by what happened, stress eating and almost fearful the moment he saw her after the incident. being a shitty sister as she said does not cover it, and luther forgave her way too easily. they Could Have Handled It Better

harlan and the mothers storyline that served as the catalyst for the kugelblitz was interesting and worked fine as a setup for an apocalyptic scenario but i can't help but feel like there could've been more? idk what else i want and what i would've done considering the limited runtime of the show honestly, so i might be just complaining

five the founder?? goes against his character and i suppose it might be a setup as to why the total reset was bad in the longrun and that future slash past founder five is somehow aware of this and is probably a survivor of a similar scenario sans arm which our five recovered after the reset but but butttt. i don't get it. it just goes against his established character traits, with his persistent focus on saving his family and his complete and utter wilingness to do anything to save them. i can mostly understand him being exhausted and eventually giving up when it seems like there is really no way out this time but not fully, not to this point. i can't help but feel like he would've been all for going to the hotel oblivion if there was even a slim chance of saving everyone, not voting to stay and die right there. idk. him getting that tattoo just to complete the loop also led nowhere - you could cut it out and it wouldn't have changed a thing bc he still would've saw the symbols and recognized the sigil on the floor of the hotel oblivion. curious but im not a fan.

[theajaheira]

buffy/giles? jenny/cordelia? angel/cordelia? spike/anya? dawn/xander? willow/kennedy? kennedy/anya?? (i know i'm late to this game but i want to hear all your opinions)

buffy/giles:

oh, man. my take on this is a little different from most. starts out like i have a certain position, but prepare yourself.

buffy/giles is so divorced from canon! the story itself took so many steps to remove the possibility of buffy and giles ever becoming a romantic relationship -- the Six Inch Rule is often cited in a lot of b/g fics (yes i read them. i read everything.) and it's very very clear that the show has placed giles in a paternal role. a lot of the b/g ship arguments seem to suggest that giles doesn't actually want to be buffy's dad, but i think that omits the rest of that sentence -- giles doesn't want to be buffy's dad because he feels like a good dad would not be sending their kid out to die, and he believes that the ultimate act of paternal devotion is to Not Be Buffy's Dad. and buffy herself CLEARLY wants giles to be her dad! this is a point of contention between them!

i have read some b/g fic because i am always curious, and the bulk of the fic that i HAVE read just absolutely refuses to engage with the canon messaging, instead choosing to say "all of the rest of you are reading canon wrong, giles and buffy have never had a father/daughter connection, and there's always been romantic potential here." i find this incredibly boring. i think that any exploration of buffy/giles HAS to incorporate that, at one point, she saw him as her dad, and HAS to explore how those feelings changed + the weirdness/messiness of this entire dynamic in the first place.

i am not gonna be one of those people who pearl-clutches -- buffy/giles is a long-established part of this fandom and i do not think that it does us any favors to pretend that they didn't build so much of the incredible giles content/infrastructure that's out there! even if it's not my thing, i can respect it. but part of the reason it's not my thing is bc i do not see a lot of it that actually engages with canon. much of it intensely mischaracterizes buffy AND presents giles as the Perfect Man Who Is Perfect, which, again, soooo not interesting to me. write some weird shit where the daddy issues are addressed instead of shaken off and shoved into a closet! that is literally what fanfiction is for!!!

jenny/cordelia:

iiiiiii can't see it. they're way too similar. i've read a couple of fics where cordelia has a crush on jenny but honestly just cannot buy it. i think cordelia wants to BE jenny (cool confident assertive lady with a geek ass little boyfriend, is not bothered by what people will think of her for dating said geek ass little boyfriend) which is a little different.

angel/cordelia:

14 year old celia will never not be crying about them. neither will 22 year old celia. the most perfect thing to ever exist. they invented friends to lovers. i truly think there's nothing like them in the entire buffyverse -- the people that they start out as are so fundamentally incompatible, and then the people they grow into through heartbreak and supernatural situations become SO ENTWINED!!! i love the idea of a second, enduring love that you grow into -- something that is not fated. of all the couples in the buffyverse, they're the ones who are actually, canonically best friends who enjoy each other's company w/ the love stuff blooming FROM THAT, and that will never not kill me.

spike/anya:

hot in the short term/for a fwb situation, but i think they probably work best as friends. i don't really have anything to justify this position, Simply Vibes.

dawn/xander

i am totally ambivalent. i understand that it happened in the comics, but it's so hard to look at them and imagine it when he's such a big brother to her in canon! on principle, though, i respect the idea of the dynamic shifting as she gets older, because i love the narrative notion of relationships evolving and changing shape as time goes on -- i actually really love this one fic i read where she's obsessed with this idea of becoming a Cool College Student and wooing him with her new attractiveness, and it doesn't SEEM to work (she even brings it up to him and goes "haha wasn't this so funny and stupid of me to think it could happen?") but there's a suggestion that his perspective on her might be gradually changing.

willow/kennedy

people hate kennedy so much and that makes me love this more. out of spite. 1) this was so clearly not a long-term thing, and 2) this becomes so fun to watch if you look at kennedy as Baby Jenny & recognize the subsequent implications of this.

kennedy/anya

a recipe for disaster, i think. they both wanna be in charge and spoiled by their partner. they would get into SO MANY FIGHTS.

[socialbunny]

15 questions for 15 mutuals :3

i was tagged by @annieshowell, @obsoletepixels, @goatskickin, @shitysimp, @sicksadsim and @jsasimmer <3333333333 thanks guys ily >:3

are you named after anyone? no, my mom had two names she wanted to pick for me and she and my dad settled on the one i have. but she was alsoo watching this movie in the hospital and one of the characters has my exact birth name so i think that cemented the name lol. and my name dirk, i named myself after dirk dreamer bc he's so me fr

when was the last time you cried? can't remember exactly

do you have kids? No I don't need that that in my life rn

do you use sarcasm a lot? I dooo, never in a mean way tho bc i feel like using sarcasm to mask how u feel abt some1 is pussy fr. i love joking around and poking fun and just being silly and weird and chillin like? irl personality is hit or miss with people. ive been told i talk back too much or always have something to say like? 😭

what sports do you play/have you played? when i was in elementary school i was in a dance group (terrible at it i have no rhythm at all it's honestly embarrassing) and when i was in high school i was in a tennis class (which was a PE alternative where we honestly never did shit tbh, towards the end of the school year we'd just be in the computer lab most of the time) and i considered joining the actual team but i also sucked at it 😭 and i really don't like doing team shit esp sports bc people start acting weird and i start getting real agitated.

what's the first thing you notice about other people? like physical i guess their outfit and hair and other shit i wear my glasses forr but shittttt, like just talking to someone i can catch their vibe really quick. just the way someone talks can tell you a lot abt them

eye color? Brown

scary movies or happy endings? it really depends on what the movie is

any special talents? nothing in particular i can think of. i think anything i do i'm really good at but not especially good at you know. i used to be told i'm really good at drawing but i was told this by the type of ppl who say they cant draw a stick figure so. take that as u will

where were you born? Texas 🤠

what are your hobbies? I love drawing and writing and reading and all the shit in that sphere of hobbies in theory 😭 been in a slump lately and doing shit seems harder than it needs to be. I love watching animation analysis and critiques, and listening to those 3hr vids of ppl talking abt shit i will never watch or care about while i do other bullshit. i really like making renders right now it gives me something to do without getting distracted too much. i also love playing really old shitty video games that have pages of cut content on tcrf

do you have any pets? No :( never had any pets when i was a kid either bc my mom had a whole bunch of dogs as a child and she didnt fw the idea of having any more animals in her house

how tall are you? 5'4 :)

fave subject in school? I love English (predictably I guess 😭)

dream job? i'd love to work in the animation industry in any way possible <3 or work in tv in general. probably have my own cartoon some day but thats such a stretchhhhhhhh i cant even work on my sims fanfiction or any oc shit LMAO. if not then i'd accept nothing less than a job where i don't have to talk to a lot of people and get payed billions of dollars to do bullshit

i dont have 15 ppl to tag since i do ask games so slowlyyyyy but i'll tag @despairoftheendless, @junkskoer, @faghotline and @hyperthinks !!! <3

[icedmetaltea]

dude pmdd hit me seemingly MIDWAY THROUGH YESTERDAY ALL AT ONCE I want to fucking scream

I'm bloated and sore and getting mood swings and anxious as hell and depressed as fuck and acne-ridden... had a good long cry yesterday and it helped for a bit but today I'm equally fucked up

and going over each and every convo with the social worker and feeling like I messed up everything and she hates me and wishes I was dead... like I asked if we could do a remote session and she just replied with "sure"

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN does it mean you're incredibly disappointed with me

does it mean “wow kelsey we're going to have zero stuff to talk about so who cares which way we do it”

“cause how are you supposed to get exposure therapy if you're not getting out to the car w/ me idiot”

(texted her again to see if we can just reschedule cause come on there's nothing to talk about till we get replies from the disability lawyer and the paperwork we need for the tuition forgiveness thing and I can actually go outside bc rn I'm an anxious wreck who'd throw up if I even looked at a car)

and I forgot my mom's birthday yesterday on top of everything else, my dad had to text me a little reminder and that was AFTER I sent her a bunch of panicked messages about project 2025 (which thankfully she didn't see and I deleted before she could, but damn, I feel like every time I try to talk about politics with her the world punishes me for it) and I sent her an ecard but it was already like 8pm at that point and though she thanked me I feel like she was disappointed for me to forget- plus I obvs couldn't get her any birthday gift bc I'm broke as fuck

and on top of everything else last night it got really really bad (the birthday thing was the icing on the cake) and I ended up getting the stupid urge to cut again. i was able to control it enough to reach for my bag of rubber bands and use one, it's been like half a year since I've done that and now I feel disappointed in myself, but I couldn't take it anymore and honestly I'll probably do it again today

I'm a disappointment to everyone. To the social worker. To mom and dad. To my sister. To my friends. To everyone. And everyone would be happy if I was gone

and sure I'm sure this is just hormones talking bc last week I had interests, I was smiling, I was watching stupid meme vids and not wanting to blow my brains out but since yesterday it's all I've been able to think about, how fucked the world is, how we're gonna go into a civil and/or revolutionary war and climate change is fucked so I might as well go before I have to suffer too much right?? But then I feel like I should suffer because I deserve to. I'm so pathetic.

Now all my interests are gone. I can't smile. I have no appetite but I'm so goddamned hungry. Any progress I made on fixing my sleep schedule is gone cause I didn't fall asleep till 7am. I doubt I'll be able to go outside today. I doubt I'll be able to do anything today but be curled up in bed wanting to off myself.

I feel like everybody's sick of me and my emotions. What if they think I'm manipulating them?? Then I try to rationalize that like "wow you'd have to be pretty impressive if you somehow accidentally managed to manipulate everyone without even trying to and while being as bad at puzzles and logic games as you are" like I've been taught with therapy time and time again but of course that only works so well when danny's voice is echoing in my head.

The worst part is I never know if it's just PMDD making me feel this way or if it's just pulling away the blinds of distraction and making me see myself and the world for how it is

I'm so tired

[angevinyaoiz]

hiiiii i know this may come across as a bizzarre request but ... do you have any rec ( book, essay, movies other than tliw ) that follows the Oedipical interpretation of Eleanor & Richard I relationship on the wave of tliw ? i'm curious to know if it's a tliw-only interpretation or it can be found in other texts too!

not a bizarre request at all for this blog XD

This is the part where I have to shill The Devil's Crown again, which probably is the series that really leans on that sort of oedipal weirdly affectionate/resentful/close relationship a lot when it comes to Richard and Eleanor, even moreso because it shows their relationship and interesting attachment to each other over time (one of those cases too where when you cast the motherson actors around the same age they tend to develop a certain chemistry...) You can DM if you're interested in that.

Also if you like crumbs, the Dan Jones documentary about Henry II's dramas is very cheesy but there are some *hm emoji* moments by the reenactors that I of course find very amusing

Honestly it also is fun to just read the historical writings as well with The Goggles bc even though there's not a lot of records of course of people's internal individual thoughts and feelings kind of the Professional Structure of people's relationships are always very fascinating. For me, I'm always drawn to stories where Maternal inheritance plays a big role and that's a theme that comes up in all the stories I feel when talking about Eleanor and Richard, they're connected not just bc of familial affection etc but with very material and practical connections of land, wealth, and ancestral title (being invested with the symbols of the rule of Poitou and Aquitaine early on as extension of her authority as well, Henry bringing her out of jail to manipulate Richard into giving her his claims, etc). It becomes an interesting basis and skeleton, I guess, to project emotion upon...TLIW takes a lot of advantage of this where a lot of the story is about the characters who have human emotions towards each other but it's channeled through desperately demanding and wanting to control each others lands.

The oedipal kind of interpretation of seems to be kind of almost taken for granted in some of the earlier writings from the 1970s and before such as in the writings of James Brundage in his Richard Lion Heart (1974). I also can't find it now but I also remember coming across some amusing blogs that wrote about the two of them in very hmmm Romantic-ish ways that on one hand was interesting to me but also clearly felt like it was doing a lot of projecting on these people's emotions and motivations XD in general.

I believe those kinds of assumptions of the era are the ones that John gillingham and Jean Flori were criticizing and pushing back on in their scholarship since it relies on some pretty wild assumption making about Richard and Eleanor's personalities and internal motivations that are impossible to know, as well as very dated and prejudiced ideas about "aberrant sexuality" (obviously, if u hate ur dad and love ur mom this is clearly GAY HOMOSEXUAL behavior according to these ppl...) . Overall the psychoanalyst fanfictions are not great for an objective historical analysis but they ARE fun for the literary freak goggles definitely

[frobisher-smythe]

I just rewatched S1 bc Netflix, idk if im gonna go into S2 bc it aint on Netflix but i do have questions!!

- We figure out that only a descendant of Amneris can restore the Cup right? So, Nina.

- why was Sarah considered a Chosen One during S2? was she also a descendant?

- if she was a descendant, that means she and Nina are related which isn’t the wildest theory— makes a lot of sense actually. but, if she’s a descendant via her father, would that make KT a possible Chosen One as well?

- Rufus Zeno was considered the Osirian remember?

- then it was Eddie, but what exactly is the Osirian? (asking for a girl who hasn’t rewatch s2 in a minute)

- is it not related to your bloodline? because in the movie, Eddie lived while the Osirian part of him died. did it just pass from Rufus to Eddie when Rufus became unworthy or something? Or are Rufus and Eddie, and therefore Mr. Sweet possibly all related?

- off topic but never forget that Mr. Sweet and Jerome’s dad knew each other because they both attended Anubis House as teenagers. and they more than likely had Victor as a caretaker as well. isn’t that wild. imagine Jerome’s dad in Anubis House, happy and relieved to be out of prison, and then boom! there’s that creep-raven-obssesed-i-want-to-hear-a-pin-drop-bastard still looking the exact same age. must’ve been a nightmare.

Sarah was a Chosen One in season one as well! That's why Nina didn't start heavy hearing voices and talking to the house until after Sarah died :( Nina is the "true" Chosen One bc the thing they were being chosen for was to rebuild the Cup of Ankh and only Nina did that. It's implied that Nina will be the last Chosen One, meaning when she dies there won't be another one to take her place like she did with Sarah, because the goal has been achieved. Now there was some open-ended stuff with the Chosen One with the "not allowed to be around the Osirian" thing, so that might not be accurate.

From what I understand, to be a Chosen One you have to be a descendent of Amneris (meaning that Sarah and Nina are distantly related) and you have to be born on all the same number. Sarah was born on the first hour of the first day of the first month (1AM on January 1st) and Nina was born on the seventh hour of the seventh day of the seventh month (7am on July 7th). KT is also a descendant (I think? ig the Amneris could be from Sarah's mother but I feel like it was always implied that her father was the start) but can't be a chosen one because there can only be one at a time and that's Nina. I also don't remember if KT's birthday was ever stated. Also fun thought: this means Nina and Joy are also probably distantly related!

Not as much about the Osirian is known but I imagine it's in a similar vein. The job of the Osirian is to protect the Chosen One. Rufus was the Osirian during the generation that Sarah was the Chosen One (and failed his duty), and Eddie was the Osirian during the generation that Nina was the Chosen One. Similarly, Eddie's Osirian abilities didn't fully develop until Rufus was near death and then dead. It's implied that Mr. Sweet knew that Eddie was the next Osirian, which implies that it's also based on birthdate, but we don't know the details of that, or who the original Osirian was (by comparison Amneris being the original Chosen One). This also suggests Eddie and Mr. Sweet are related to Rufus. The movie was kinda wack but I think it was just that Eddie gave up his abilities as an Osirian and like Nina would be the last Chosen One, Eddie was the last Osirian so when he gave it up it just died instead of passing onto someone else for the next generation.

THATS SO FUNNY I have honestly never thought about Jeomes dad returning and seeing Victor exactly the same. It's even funnier if you think that bc it's never brought up he just saw Victor and was like. Nah I'm good. None of my business. 😭😭