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citrus-moonlight · 6 months

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Danger Starts the Sharp Incline

Fandom: MCU - Age of Ultron, Black Panther Pairing: Demon!Klaue x Fem Scientist Reader Chapters: 1 of 1 Word count: 4.5K Rating: Explicit

Summary: At your scientific organization the study of demon energy output has become no less mundane than it would at any other research facility. That is until you find yourself trapped with the demon who has recently shifted in your thoughts from an idle curiosity to a distraction.

Warnings: Explicit Rating!, No Age Specified, PWP, One Shot, Smut, Let Me Be Clear: This Is Absolute Filth, Monster Fucking, Demon Fucking, Could be viewed as Dubcon, Implied Mind Manipulation, But to be clear reader is Into It, Pet Names, Touch Starved Demon, Oral Sex (Fem Receiving), Vaginal Fingering, Big Hands I Know You're the One, Unprotected PIV, Size Kink, Squirting, A Lot of Demon Cum, Like A Lot, Cum Marking, Creampie, Breeding Kink, Multiple Orgasms (both), Overstimulation, Possessiveness

A/N: Once again, this was supposed to be a quick little smutty thing that ended up getting very, very away from me. This honestly could have been even longer (it was over 5.5k and counting at one point!), but I managed to reign myself in, lol. I almost feel like I have enough for a part two, so who knows, perhaps I'll revisit this AU one day in the future!

This was inspired by the first bit of this absolutely incredible demon/scientist blurb* by @biscuitdragonwithastick, which you should definitely read first (thank you for the ok to go ahead with this!). It fully dug its claws (pun intended?) into my brain and refused let me go. I couldn't stop thinking about a Demon!Klaue AU, and thanks to some lovely encouragement, this is the result!

Please, please mind the tags, my dears, and thank you for reading!

*Demon's name has been changed here to fit the AU

Dividers by the lovely @saradika-graphics ❤️

Work title is from "All Mine" by Portishead

AO3 Link

Make no mistake You shan't escape Tethered and tied There's nowhere to hide from me All mine You have to be

Klaw’s reaction continues to be noted by the higher-ups, and eventually it’s decided that they want to conduct an experiment, using you.

The next time you’re scheduled on the cleaning rotation they want to take the opportunity to determine if there’s a measurable difference in output and chemical composition - before and after you’ve been in the room with him.

“Just consider what it might mean to the future of energy research”, they’d said. “It could lead to the discovery of a demon-sensitive pheromone additive that boosts energy output across the board.”

Although you flush at the outward acknowledgement of what’s been happening, you can’t deny that it intrigues you.

Especially since you had started dreaming about him.

Since you’d stopped being able to control how wet you got when you observed him.

Since the self-consciousness you’d felt at the sidelong glances of your colleagues had started feeling like something else.

Something like pride.

* * * * * *

Two days later you’re scheduled for the night shift alone, with not much else to do but make the occasional note in the shift log and wait for the alarm that indicates the mare’s collection tank is full. So you wait.

And watch.

For the first time you have a chance to really just look at him, and you’re finding it difficult to pay attention to the instruments that you should be monitoring. Your eyes instead are continually drawn back to the observation window and the thick mop of black curls that falls across his forehead where his horns emerge, sharp features are framed by the scruff of a dark beard, and an intriguing mix of tattoos, brands and scars play across the planes and curves of his body.

Although his muscles aren’t as chiseled as many of the demons you've observed in this facility his shoulders and arms are thick, and you unconsciously lick your lips as your eyes follow the dark hair that covers his broad chest and abdomen down to where it meets the wiry hair at the base of his cock.

A slick warmth has been slowly pooling between your thighs since you settled into your chair at the beginning of the shift, but as you watch the bored pumping of his hips fall into a smoother, swaying rhythm, that warmth ignites.

Widening his stance, hooved feet brace on the floor as he pulls out further before thrusting back in, letting you watch his cock slide slowly back into the machine’s opening, burying himself with a jutting roll of his hips, over and over. Almost teasing.

Almost taunting.

This could be you.

It’s only when Klaw drags his hands along the metal “body” of the mare that you notice it: The claws of the first three fingers of his right hand seem to be…gone?

With a flicker of concern you flip a switch on the console, using the camera to zoom in.

Ok, no, they’re not gone per se, but they’re definitely shorter, nearly down to the quick. Was it an accident? Did they break in a fervor as he fucked the contraption?

Frowning at the screen your mind turns over the possibilities, but before you can think to add the peculiarity to your notes your thoughts fizzle away when you glance back up to the observation window and see that he’s watching you.

As soon as your eyes meet his the tease in his movements falls away and he’s bottoming out hard against the opening in a rough, stuttered rhythm as his eyes cloud over, and you know from past observation that he’s nearing the edge.

Your inner muscles clench and the ache that’s been building since you walked in here swells and overlaps with a flaring jealousy when Klaw shudders and growls, filling the receptacle with another thick load of his seed.

You don’t even realize that you stood up until you feel the cool glass of the observation window beneath your palms, your breath fogging the surface as you press yourself against the barrier.

There’s still a slow, uneven cadence to the demon’s thrusts following his climax, but his gaze swiftly sharpens on you again when one of your hands drifts idly across your stomach, then lower, fingers brushing over the top button of your pants-

-and then you jump when a shrill sound interrupts you, nearly growling at the surge of frustration.

The alarm is piercing and incessant and won’t stop until you enter the demon’s room, so you return to the control panel to activate the sigil that will keep him contained while you clean and recalibrate the machine - tests having shown that a laser projection of the correct wavelength of light is just as effective as a physical binding.

Once you’re through the airlock you quickly set to working through the checklist, unhooking the mechanism that feeds into tanks in the floor and connecting it to a fresh one. You move on to cleaning the unfeeling hole that the demon fucks into day in and day out, your breath going shallow at the jealousy that continues to singe your nerves.

His gaze stays entirely focused on you as you move around, cock swaying heavily in front of broad thighs - still hard, always hard - the still leaking head so dark it’s nearly purple.

The slick between your thighs has only increased since you started to work, fairly certain that you’ve soaked through your panties at this point, and when you have to pass closer to his “cage” he leans forward, nearly pressing himself against the barrier as he follows your path.

Inhaling deeply his cock twitches, more cum dripping from the tip as he ruts at the air, and you can't help but wonder if he’s picking up your frustrated arousal.

“Hurry up.” you chide yourself. “Stop getting distracted. Just finish your shit and get out.”

Kneeling down behind the machine you open the access panel and flip through the menus until you find the one that will complete the calibration, and while you’re focused on watching it cycle you don’t notice the outer door open from the hall into the observation room.

The intern who enters must not see you where you’re kneeling on the floor, and evidently thinking that the trap has been left on in error he flips the switch to deactivate it.

When the light from the beaming sigil goes dark you pop up in alarm, the face of the intern frozen in an almost comedic grimace of horror when he finally registers that you’re staring back at him from the wrong side of the glass.

The man reaches for the switch again but Klaw’s reflexes are faster, and before the trap can be reactivated the demon rushes the door. Slamming his shoulder against it he jams it so thoroughly they'll need to bring in special equipment to get it open again, but at this time of night it'll be hours, if you’re lucky, before a crew gets here.

Then he rounds on you.

With an oddly warm sense of detachment you think that you should feel fear as you watch the slow grin spread across his face, but the only thing you feel is a surge of hot, aching desire.

He rumbles something you don’t understand, though the rough texture of his words is still intoxicating, and before you realize what you’re doing you’re walking towards him, pulling your shirt over your head as you move.

Because right now you find that you want - need - to bare yourself for him, the sensation of it intense that your skin feels like it’s going to scald if you don’t get your clothes off now, and your shoes, pants and underwear quickly join the discarded pile on the floor.

Stopping in front of him you reach back to unclasp your bra, but your arms pause mid-way when Klaw’s hand reaches out, your breath hitching when he hooks a large, clawed finger beneath your chin, tilting your head up so that your eyes meet his.

You’d always assumed that his eyes were black, but this close you realize that they’re actually an impossibly deep blue, a blue that only resides along the penumbra of light and shadow where the last rays of sun reach into the depths of the ocean

You stand mesmerized as his hand dips lower, leaving behind a trail of gooseflesh as a claw trails gently down the delicate skin of your neck and chest, and then with a flick of his wrist the last scrap of fabric covering you gives way, exposing your breasts to the cool air.

You’ve barely shrugged off the ruined garment when suddenly you’re being picked up - so, so easily - and placed on a table, swiftly reminded of how much larger and stronger he is than you, and once again dimly aware that you should feel fear, or dread, or some instinct telling you to run.

Not of the shiver of anticipation that leaves your breath hitching in your chest.

Definitely not the wild need blooming in your core as sharp teeth ghost along the place where your blood thrums, his breath hot and his skin hotter.

His mouth continues its path downward, pausing to lick at the soft swell of your breasts, taking a moment to pull and pluck at your nipples with his lips. A pleased growl vibrates against your skin when you lean back onto your hands with a moan, arching into the swirl of his tongue around your pebbled flesh.

It’s not long, though, before he can no longer ignore the way this increases the heated musk between your thighs, leaving behind a wet trail of saliva as his mouth travels down, seeking the place where you’re already dripping for him.

The demon's hands nearly wrap entirely around your thighs yet his touch is almost cautious as he presses you open, mesmerized by the way you unfold for him like the petals of a flower, slick and shining.

HIs eyes are heavy lidded as thick fingers begin to tease through your folds, toying with your clit, surprising you with how softly he rolls it between thumb and forefinger, a grin curving the corner of his mouth when your hips buck into his touch.

Noting your reaction he repeats the motion, gently pinching and rolling the sensitive bud until your mouth drops open and your breath is coming in sharp gasps, his dark eyes staying fixed between your legs as thick fingers coax a warm, honeyed orgasm from you, leaving you keening and startled by the slow intensity of it.

You’ve barely caught your breath when you feel his mouth suddenly envelop your mound, lapping eagerly at your release as you whine and writhe beneath his tongue, overwhelmed at the stimulation.

It’s too much, all of this is too much, but as he continues licking and suckling at your sensitive flesh you find that you’re no longer fighting it, the hum of bliss that hadn’t yet faded already building to a fresh swell, and when his lips capture your clit with a sudden fluttering pressure your body stiffens as your second orgasm flares through you, sharper and brighter than the first.

When he finally releases you he speaks again, but through the haze of afterglow it takes a moment for it to register that this time you think that you understand him, the word seeming to appear within your mind at the same time that you hear it from his glistening lips.

“Sweet.”

With a start you look down at him and he pauses, head tilting, curiosity knitting his heavy brows.

Not moving his eyes from yours, his voice is a low, tentative purr when he speaks again.

“Would your sweet cunt like..more?”

Holy fuck. You can understand him.

Your thoughts spin as the shock works its way through you, the analytical part of your mind attempting to parse what the fuck is happening. Is it the increased time in his proximity? The physical contact? Whatever the mechanism, you can suddenly hear- or perhaps more accurately feel - his words, somewhere deep in your conscience.

A firm nod, then, in answer to his question, a responding pull of his lips into a slow, pleased grin.

Dipping his head Klaw licks a broad, wet stripe up your cleft, and then he’s devouring you, slavering hungrily against your sex, drool mixing with your arousal as his lips and tongue work your aching bundle of nerves until you’re gasping shallow breaths, every muscle strung taught as you hover on the edge once more.

Seeking for an anchor your hands find his curved horns, warm and leathery beneath your scrabbling fingers, and then with a rasping cry you’re coming in long, surging waves, your entire body trembling as your hips chase every flutter of pleasure on the tip of his tongue.

Dimly you think that he must be satisfied now, that you must be satisfied, yet it seems as though with every climax you only hunger more intensely for the next.

Once your hands release his horns and fall limp at your sides Klaw straightens up, and then wrapping his hand around his cock he starts roughly stroking himself.

Almost without thinking your legs fall open, shaky arms pulling your knees back to expose yourself to him, knowing he can see how your soaked cunt still clenches through the last waves of your orgasm, and it’s only a few more strokes before he’s coming with a rough jerk of his hips and you gasp at the heat, thick ropes of cum streaking across your slick folds and the insides of your thighs.

Still breathing hard, the pumping of his fist gradually slows, a hand drifting along the curve of your inner thigh as his focus comes back to you. Gathering some of the sticky mess he left between your legs he drags it through your folds, and then suddenly a thick finger is sliding into you.

Even as you gasp at the intrusion you begin to understand that he had actually done it on purpose: Biting down those claws himself because, it seems, he had been thinking about this.

The realization that it was for you leaves your entire body humming, and as your hips cant up to meet the slow, almost teasing thrusts, there’s only one word that swells and ripens in your mind, uncertain whether it’s your word or his even as it falls from your lips.

“More.”

A knowing glint flashes in his eyes at your soft plea, and almost immediately you feel a second finger slipping against you. Just teasing his fingertips at your entrance at first he lets your juices slick them before pressing into you, both fingers together nearly as thick as a human cock.

You moan as he continues to slide them in and out of you, and just as you begin to sink into the ache of it, you moan low in your throat when suddenly he’s adding a third.

The heady pressure of him working three fingers into your already stretched hole is overwhelming, and you’re unsure whether you want to throw yourself towards the sensation or resist it, your body arching into him, yet tensing and pulling away at the same time.

But then he’s pressing you down onto the table, his hand nearly spanning the width of your chest to hold you in place as his fingers continue nudging deeper.

“Where are you going, little one? Going to have to take it if you want my cock."

As if to emphasize his words he drags his erection against the inside of your thigh with a grunted sigh, a fresh streak of precum adding to the mess that he’s already left on you.

Because of course you do, and he knows it, has known it since you stopped being able to look away from his hunched form as he fucked into his mechanical mate, a warm curiosity growing into a distracting need.

And you know that he could have taken you at any time, could have forced himself into you as soon as your clothes were a forgotten pile on the floor. But instead, he’s been preparing you to take him properly, making you come until the only thing you know is his mouth and his fingers and you’re soft and trembling and ravenous.

“God yes.” You spread your legs wide again, giving him an obscene view of where his fingers are sinking into you, slick sounds filling the room as they pump faster now.

“There you go.” He croons above you. “Made for this, hmm?"

Any attempt at a response trails into a choked cry when he finds that soft, needy spot deep inside you, a fresh, pulsing heat spreading through your already exhausted body as he takes you apart once more. Still pinned beneath his hand you’re unable to do anything but allow it to wash through you, shaking and whimpering as he continues to drag firm, curling strokes against your clenching walls.

Leaning down Klaw presses his face into your heaving chest, and your nipples tighten and ache as he licks languorously between your breasts, his huffed breath is hot against your skin.

As your senses filter back in your hands slowly begin to move, exploring the corded muscles of his neck and shoulders, trembling fingers tugging and sliding through his hair, and then up and over his horns again.

Letting your eyes slip closed you take in the ridged curve of them, a velvety pleasure blooming in your chest when he inhales sharply, cock throbbing against your thigh when your fingers wrap around the base of them.

Finally pulling his fingers out of you he tugs you up, turning around and repositioning you so that you’re straddling his broad hips as best you can. Strong hands support you, encouraging you to slide your slick folds along his shaft, a giddy sort of panic stuttering in your chest at the sudden awareness of the size of him where he twitches between your thighs.

Desperate whines that may as well be prayers slide from your throat when he lifts you higher and you feel the thick, bulbous head of his cock nudging against your entrance, the only words falling from your lips a whispered litany of “Oh my god oh my god oh my god."

“I’m not your God, little one,” he growls softly, words distorted as if you're hearing them through a sediment of granite and blood. "But you will worship me."

“Yes. Yes..Oh fuck, please.”

Beneath your lilting plea you dimly hear gritted curses and words of encouragement as you circle your hips, your arousal making a slick mess of his cock.

You can't help how eagerly your hips rock down, seeking more, so lost in the sensations that you're unprepared when a hard press of your hips matches his upward thrust, and the thick head of his cock suddenly ruts up into you, and when he slips past the tight ring of muscle the feral sound from deep in your chest nearly matches his.

Panting open mouthed you hold him there before rising up, slowly, slowly, letting him slip out of you before sinking down to take him back in. You feel weightless beneath the obsidian glint in his eyes as he watches you repeat the motion again, and again, his arms helping you move as you start to shake from the effort of riding just the head of his cock.

Even now there’s something warm and urgent drawing your hand lower, and you’re unable to help feeling pleased when his eyes go heavy as his gaze follows your fingers down to where they press against your clit.

“So..needy.” he rumbles. “Better than I imagined.”

“You..imagined?” You pant, attempting to sound coy, but your words are thick with lust as you continue to roll your hips, forcing yourself down further down his length.

Your movements are becoming less controlled now, and when your fingers slip and brush against his shaft you whimper at how fucking big he feels where he's stretching you open, and how much of him is still outside of you.

You can feel every slick ridge and vein beneath your hand, and as you slide it along his length the muscles of his thighs tense and flex beneath you, his breathing going rough as your messy strokes continue.

“Look at you taking my cock,” Klaw grits, the demon’s hips beginning to stutter up in short, sharp thrusts. “Such a good little pet.”

His words trail into a low growl that vibrates through your body as you feel a hard throb beneath your hand, and then heat.

You gasp, continuing to writhe as he spills into you, coating your inner walls with his thick seed, and almost you feel as though you could come again just from the heat of it.

Fuck, you need more of that.

Need it deeper.

Even as the pulsing beneath your fingers slows he doesn't stop moving, finally coming inside of you seeming only to have tipped his need to fevered desire. Holding you in place he thrusts up harder, dislodging your hand, and you can feel his spend leaking out of you, dripping down the insides of your thighs and slicking his still hard cock as he continues to drive deeper, no longer letting you set the pace.

“This is what you wanted, wasn’t it?” He taunts, voice still a rough half-whisper after his orgasm. “Could feel it when you watched me. Wanted me to fill your little cunt, hmm?”

“Yes.” You let out a growled sob, jealous anger surging through you. ”That..thing, doesn’t fucking deserve it.”

A flame crackles in Klaw’s eyes at your heated words, and you wonder with a jolt of awareness whether he hasn’t been just as desperate for this as you have, longing for you as he remained trapped in the torment of a cold, unfeeling machine. Driven purely by instinct, chasing his release over and over again but never being truly satisfied.

The sudden realization that you could give that to him floods you with almost as much pleasure as the agony of being filled with his cock.

You’ve barely processed the thought when you suddenly find yourself with your back once again pressed against the cool metal of the table, Klaw only pulling out of you briefly before thrusting back in, harder.

He continues a slow, controlled rhythm, both of you panting hard as you feel yourself softening around him, becoming more pliant as your body relents to every stroke until with a final arching rock of his hips your cunt is completely stretched and full, everything so impossibly tight that you can’t even clench around him.

He's never felt anything quite like you, the achingly tight grip of your pussy leaving him nearly breathless as he holds himself as deep as he can, huffing and grunting like a bull while he watches you writhe and spasm beneath him.

Then he starts to fuck you.

He tries to keep his strokes firm and measured at first, but he can’t hold back anymore and it's not long before his chest is heaving, lips curled in a snarl, and it feels as though you're being split open as he pulls you back onto his cock in time to meet every thrust.

A scarlet thread runs through every cell of your soft animal body, stringing tighter and tighter as pleasure builds to the edge of breaking but then surging higher, a fresh ecstasy building on every peak.

The tightening grip around your waist signals the absolute loss of his control and when you hiss at the sudden piercing bite of his claws he moves his hands to brace on the table instead, his broad body forcing your legs back towards your shoulders as he leans down over you, driving his cock as deep as he can get into your willing heat until he’s grunting and drooling above you.

A divine bliss slides through your veins as you lie beneath him, caught between the trammel of his arms, and as you watch his base instinct take over you begin to understand that only fools could believe that lust is a sin.

And even if it was, even if you were offered perfect grace in this moment, you know with absolute certainty that you would refuse.

An infernal dam is finally swelling to breaking as you surrender to every relentless thrust of his cock, your wailed sobs the only sounds you can make as an impossible pressure ripples through your core, and with a deep throb you suddenly feel a drenching heat as your release washes over his cock and your thighs.

“There you go.” Klaw growls. “Make a mess for me, little one.”

This seems to be his final undoing, and as you continue to soak his cock his thrusting goes ragged until with rough groan he’s coming deep inside you, stilling himself to keep the head of his cock pressed against the deepest part of you, making sure that you feel every hot, throbbing pulse of his cum as it fills you.

Keeping himself seated deep he rocks slow grinding thrusts into the slippery mess he’s made of his you, the lust that’s had no real outlet finally finding satisfaction in the way your clenching cunt is milking his cock, in the gentle swell of your belly as he pumps you full of his seed.

You’re a sweaty, twitching mess beneath him, and as much as you wish you could you’re unable to take all of it, can’t help how it spills out around his cock where you’re stretched and sore, how his cum and yours drips down your swollen sex to pool beneath you on the table.

His hands don't stop moving over your body, cupping your breasts, grasping at you hips, sliding over the ripe swell of you where he can feel you filled with his cock and his cum. Vaguely aware of soft grunts mixed with mumbled praise, you don’t register what he’s saying at first through the haze of euphoria.

“Going to be mine.” he rumbles, between languorous strokes. ”My little queen.”

“Mine.”

* * * * * * *

The room is warm and flickering, silken sheets decadent beneath your fingers, your body thrumming with a heated anticipation that never seems to fade, now.

Rough hands lift your hips as your demon mounts you from behind, a hand placed firmly between your shoulder blades, pressing you down into the mattress.

A panting whine slides from your throat as he spreads you open, the thick head of his cock prodding your entrance, pleased to see you’re still dripping with his seed from the last time he filled you. And he doesn’t like leaving you empty for very long.

“Say it again, little one.” Klaw growls softly, holding himself still. Waiting.

“Yours.”

You sigh, a smile curling around the word as he pushes into you.

“I’m yours.”

A/N: As ever, thank you for reading! This was definitely a bit outside my comfort zone, but I hope you enjoyed this filthy little foray into monster fuckery. 😊

#monster x f reader #demon x f reader #demon!klaue #ulysses klaue x reader #ulysses klaw x reader #x reader #monster fucking #demon fucking #ulysses klaue smut #ulysses klaue #fanfiction

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thesoftboiledegg · 2 months

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What up, libsharts. Since you all fell for my brilliant social experiment last year, I thought I’d come back to troll you for another round. You really thought that I was gay, huh? Well, you weren’t the only ones. I showed it to the bros in my Elon Musk Discord server, and they stupidly went “Wow, that was pretty gay” and I said “No it isn’t” and one guy said “You said that you’re attracted to Rick a bunch of times” and I said “No I didn’t” and another guy said “Dude, you said the exact same thing yesterday” and I said “No I didn’t” and he said “You literally showed up out of nowhere, said ‘im going to jack it to rick tonight lol’ and left” and I said “Haha, it was all a social experiment! I’m fucking with you! I’m a master manipulator like Rick! What’s gay about what I said? If somebody on Discord said ‘I want Rick Sanchez to ream me in the back room at Spencer’s’ and you thought ‘Wow, that sounds pretty gay,’ maybe YOU’RE the one who has dreams about Rick railing you in a blow-up inflatable pool while Bird Person lies facedown in a ditch!”

I beat them with cold, hard logic, just like Rick would. But one aspect of my genius experiment was true: I’m a dudebro sent here to infiltrate Tumblr. We do everything better than you, and to prove it, I wrote a fic that’s infinitely superior to anything you Tumblrinas could shit out. You think you’re the only ones who can come up with stories? Ha! You’re never going to beat me. You ass clowns have no idea how many times I’ve fantasized about Rick!

Anyway, here’s my one-shot that’s better than a thousand Rick Sanchez/Reader fics combined, and I would know, because I read all of them. And this is NOT AI-generated, by the way–no machine could compete with the brilliance pulsating in my brain stem. Get obliterated with literature, dumbfucks!

Your Majesty: Rick Sanchez/Elon Musk (PLATONIC!!)

Elon Musk gazed at the sky as a spaceship shimmered into view, glittering in the sunlight while it approached the SpaceX landing strip. Elon–or E, as his most respected admirers called him–was a ruggedly handsome man of over six feet tall with a chiseled jaw, godlike facial features, sizeable muscles and a full head of hair that one would love to run their hands through–if they were allowed to, of course. But few people had enjoyed this privilege. In both a literal and metaphorical sense, Elon Musk was truly untouchable.

A SpaceX rocket launched to the left of him, undoubtedly on another successful mission, but E’s eyes were fixed on the giant spaceship drifting to the ground with a barely audible whirr. The Tesla logo glinted on the front of the incredible ship, a mark of Elon’s brilliance. Steam hissed from the entrance as the side door opened and a lengthy shadow stretched across the ground.

“Greetings, Elon,” Rick Sanchez said as he approached. He was just as handsome as Musk, perhaps even more so. At nearly seven feet tall, most humans could only gaze up at him and marvel at his unfathomable genius, matched only by that of the engineer standing in front of him. He strode magnificently toward E as if he knew that he were God’s perfect creation, the scientist that would give Stephen Hawking envy diarrhea.

“Salutations, Rick,” E answered in kind, acknowledging the pleasure of being in his presence. “What do you have for me?”

“I have a concept that will revolutionize our lives and showcase our brilliance to the rest of the planet.” Rick paused. “Nay, the entire galaxy. Alien species will look up at us in wonder as they question how Earth could have produced not one, but two, of the universe’s perfect beings.”

Musk flashed him a smile brimming with boyish charm. “It seems, as I’ve suspected many times, that you and I are the main characters in this simulation, and everyone else–girls and normies in particular–are mere NPCs.”

“This is true, but I can’t take credit for all of it,” Rick admitted. “While most of this idea was mine, I confess that I couldn’t have developed this plan without Tesla’s impressive technology.”

“You are too humble,” E said with a nod of his head. “Of course, none of this would have been possible without your technology that turned Tesla into the pinnacle of human achievement, a stunning display of masculine brilliance and prowess that womenfolk could never accomplish because they’re dumb.”

“You are familiar with my Raising Gazorpazorp manifesto, I presume?”

“Of course, Rick. I have watched every moment of your life with intense fascination. Our Twitter interaction all those years ago was the highlight of my existence, moreso than the birth of every one of my children combined, and it compelled the author of this story to jerk off to it even though we’re both men.”

“He was imagining all the hot chicks that he sucked off in his fraternity, I’m sure.”

“Undoubtedly. Now, if you would, please lead me into the ship so that I can witness your latest intellectual conquest.”

“Follow me, Your Majesty,” Rick responded with a limp-wristed wave that was stunningly, incredibly heterosexual.

The door hissed shut behind them as E followed Rick into the ship. Since Rick had partnered with Tesla a year prior, his ship had become a sprawling technological wonder full of everything that the space traveler could possibly need. Only E could have done this, Rick thought to himself, as he gazed around the interior of the ship as if seeing it for the first time. Truly, being in the presence of his hero reminded him of his incredible fortune.

Rick’s ship, once small and held together with duct tape but an astonishing creation nonetheless, now housed five scientific laboratories stocked with alien technology that Rick and E had amassed on their many adventures together. His ship also possessed a gigantic library, a hologram room where he spoke with digital recreations of Earth’s greatest MALE scientists, a math classroom where he solved and invented equations, a Tesla think tank where shareholders held board meetings, a SpaceX rocket manufacturing plant, and a cafeteria that served exclusively reheated taquitos and Mountain Dew.

Elon felt the same way as Rick. He couldn’t keep his eyes off the scientist as they walked to one of the laboratories. Of course, this was done in a completely straight, masculine way. E thought that he would later have sex with lots of beautiful women that looked a little like Rick, but they weren’t Rick, because that would be gay.

“Here it is, my dear E,” Rick said, spreading out his arms in front of him like a Greek god.

A scale model of a glass dome stood on a pedestal with tiny figures moving inside to represent a community. As E peered into the dome, the glass reflected his breathtakingly handsome features.

“This is the community that we will build on Pluto,” Rick announced. “As you’ve undoubtedly guessed already due to your unfathomable genius, those crystals in the center release pheromones that will cause the most beautiful women in the universe to flock to us while the ugly ones stay at home and cry about it on Tumblr. These beauties will fawn over and make out with us while we chug Mountain Dew and watch video game livestreams where one guy just says ‘BANG!’ over and over. One of our wives will microwave taquitos on demand while another will periodically wipe the sweat off our gaming chairs. Truly, we will be the gods of our own universe.”

E smiled at this thought. He had colonized Mars years ago and had no less than 1,000 Martian wives with male relatives who had invested in E-Coin, his genuis cryptocurrency that only tech bros could understand, but he now saw an opportunity to enter the NFT market. Any male would be delighted to own a digital representation of one of these alien Helens of Troy. And of course, who but Rick should be at his side? Who else but the god-like scientist who deserved to have dominion over every living being in existence?

“If you have a minute, E–” Rick began, then stopped. “You do have a minute, don’t you? As the owner and CEO of X, PayPal, SpaceX, Tesla, OpenAI, Neuralink, xAI, Midjourney, OpenSea, Adult Swim, Dogecoin, McDonald’s, Fox News, The Joe Rogan Experience, Funko Pops, Discord, and Harmontown, I realize that your time is so precious that one second with you is worth ten kilos of fine Neptunian gold.”

Once more, Elon flashed his iconic boyish grin. “Rick, don’t you know me by now? If I weren’t a man of science who understood the natural disasters that it would cause, I would stop the world from spinning on its axis just to spend another minute in your presence.”

Rick responded with a flushed smile, then pressed a button on the side of the display. “Then allow me to demonstrate.”

When a set of steel doors slid open, a girl robot emerged from the storage space. I guess she was attractive for a girl. In her extended arms, she held a glass case piled high with shimmering jewels.

“This is a scale model of one of our Plutonian wives,” Rick said intelligently, lifting the case from her hands. “In preparation for our mission, I’ve amassed a fine collection of intergalactic space jewelry.”

Rick typed in a code to unlock the case: 42069. 420 and 69 were Rick’s favorite numbers, as well as Elon’s. The gemstones glinted in the light as the lid clicked open. Rick attached the earrings and kissed the robot’s ears, slid on the bracelets and kissed her wrists, and strung on the necklace and kissed her neck. He looked amazing in that jewelry.

“Well, Rick, this calls for quite the celebration,” E said cheerfully. “Should we celebrate with a bottle of Twitterian space wine?

“Of course,” Rick said with a wink. “What do you think I stashed in the wine cooler?”

Rick pressed a button on the wall, causing a drawer to slide out with a hiss and a cloud of steam. The steam dissipated to reveal a sparkling bottle of golden wine and two identical glasses with Rick and Elon’s names etched into the side. Rick handed Elon one of the glasses, the surface reflecting his Adonis-like visage.

“Let’s take this to the lounge, shall we?” Rick said. “I could use some quality time with my technological muse, the scientist whose mere existence transformed my life the second I laid eyes upon him.”

“Ah, but the feeling is mutual,” Elon confessed. “When I first saw you in that Tesla board meeting and realized that you had invested in our stock, I knew that I had reached the defining moment of my career, the pinnacle of achievement that made everything else seem like watching an orangutan pissing into a lake.”

“Your affections charm and dazzle me,” Rick responded. “I may go on adventures alone when you’re busy transforming X into history’s greatest social media empire, but I confess that my travels are incomplete without you by my side.”

“I will have to take a break from X to join you on the next mission,” E said with a nod. “After all, we have not yet had sex with all the hot babes in the universe. We’ve had sex with most of them, this is true, but I’m sure there are far-off corners of the galaxy that have yet to hear the legend of Rick and Elon: a hundred years, a hundred more, our friendship extending into eternity.”

A few minutes later, the two of them were reclining in a lounge furnished with plush velvet couches, Greek statues of famous scientists, and a bubbling hot tub. Rick and Elon had slept with many hot alien chicks in this lounge, but they didn’t really enjoy it even though they were both straight. One might say that they were super-straight. It was a special type of straight that only their genius minds could possess.

Elon and Musk clinked their glasses before they each took a drink. “While we’re here, should we engage in some meta commentary?” E said with a sly chuckle.

“Of course,” Rick said, straightening to look at the reader. “I would like to say that the author of this fic is an incredibly handsome, virile, and heterosexual man, and if I were gay and he were gay–which we’re not, of course–I would love to take my pants off and sit on his face while he recites mathematical theorems.”

“I concur,” E said with a tilt of his head. “I also find this author to be quite attractive, brilliant and god-like, and although I’m super-straight, I would be up for a threesome with you, him, and I in a truck stop bathroom while some other guys watch.”

“Truly, that would be the spectacle of a lifetime,” Rick said with a charming, boyish grin. “Of course, this is impossible because I’m straight as well as white and neurotypical, and whenever I said otherwise, I was in fact performing a social experiment on my audience.”

“I, too, have done such a thing,” Elon agreed. “And Birdrick is platonic, is it not?”

“Birdrick is indeed platonic. Anyone who thought that scene was gay needs to watch some gay porn and learn what ‘gay’ really means, which this author does on a regular basis.”

They nodded in agreement, then drank their glittering space wine as the sun set outside the ship, casting the inside of the lounge in a deep, romantic glow. Rick lit a set of Tesla candles powered by Teslectricity, a new form of electricity that Musk had patented. The lights shimmered and flickered as if the candles were about to explode any second.

Orange light shined on the surface of the water bubbling in the hot tub. “It’s growing warm in here,” Rick said, fanning himself with his strong yet elegant hand. “I think I need to remove a few layers. Excuse me, E, while I change into something other than my iconic lab coat.”

Rick disappeared into another room and returned a few minutes later, wearing only a bathrobe. Elon rubbed the back of his neck as he found himself sweating. Suddenly, the temperature seemed to have increased a hundred degrees.

“I believe that I will also remove a few layers,” E stated. “Excuse me for a moment.”

E disappeared into the same room, which had several robes and outfits in his size just in case he lost his clothes for some weird reason. The room also held outfits for other prominent male scientists, plus Dan Harmon. The room had no clothing for womenfolk because they’re gross and dumb.

When Elon returned, Rick sat on the edge of the hot tub, drawing circles in the surface of the water with his toe as he swirled the remainder of the wine in his glass. His eyes were lowered with an expression that one could almost consider lustful–his thoughts full of girlies, no doubt, even though they scarcely deserved a moment of his attention.

“I’m thinking about taking a dip in the hot tub,” Rick said. “Would you care to join me?”

“Of course,” E said, already removing his robe. “I desire nothing else in this moment.”

—

HAHA noobs, you thought you had it all figured out, didn’t you? You thought this was going to lead to some gay shit? Well, I’ll tell you what happens. Rick and Elon PLATONICALLY sit in the hot tub together. That’s all that they do. And they talk about all the babes that they’re going to make out with when Rick gets his crap on Pluto set up. Yeah, that’s right, libpukes: Rick likes GIRLS even though they’re stupid and dumb and don’t understand Rick and Morty! No one will ever understand Rick Sanchez like I do! Not Elon Musk, despite his unfathomable brilliance! Not Dan Harmon, despite his magnificent beard! No one but me, Steve White, the man of every scientist’s dreams!

Anyway, I just proved to you that the woke crowd took over the writers’ room and made Rick something he’s not. This story is more accurate and in character than every episode from seasons 5-7 put into a blender, spun around and spewed onto a plate like a horse vomit smoothie. Rick was once a manly, masculine man–a man’s man, you might say–before they turned him into a twink like they’re challenging the audience to jerk off to him.

I told the guys in my Elon Musk server “Wow, Rick and Morty has been a real jerkoff machine lately, huh?” and they said “No? Not really?” and I said “What show are you watching? Rick and Morty has been a total jerkoff machine” and one guy said “Yeah, I agree with you, I jack it to Rick on the regular” and I said “Haha, I was just fucking with you guys! It was another social experiment! I’m a master manipulator! I’m the real-life Rick! What’s gay about what I said? While you queers jack it to Rick in a gay way, I’m going to jack off to Rick to PROVE TO MYSELF that I’m STRAIGHT!!!”

I got banned from the server for a week, and I had so much time on my hands that I decided I’d pop back in and give Tumblr another textual ass-crushing. The server’s going to be so proud of me when I tell them what I did. Elon would be proud. Dan Harmony-to-my-ears would be proud. And Rick would DEFINITELY be proud. If my Rick Sanchez body pillow were animated, he’d look directly into my eyes and whisper to me as tears of joy stream down my face.

Oh my God, forget it. Why am I still wasting my time with you idiots? You have to have a very high IQ to understand Rick and Morty.

#rick and morty #rick sanchez #elon musk #rick sanchez/elon musk #fanfiction #fan fiction #tesla #teslamotors #teslacars #dan harmon #april fools

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blushblushbear · 1 year

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Hi there! Can I have some headcanons about how Volks, Anon and Scale would react when they realize they have a crush on someone? And how do you think they would confess pls?

Volks

okay so legit I think Volks either doesn't noticed or will not admit to himself that he has a crush

for like

a while

like a while while

somewhere in his dumb little head he's like 'wow, I can't stop thinking about them.... that must mean they're my mortal enemy and my brain is still stuck on how to defeat them'

I legit think he's probably not had too too many good exchanges with people in the past (see my Volks headcanons but short version everyone always wants something from him)

so he legit doesn't understand what he's feeling

I think the realization hits him when it's beyond clear to everyone else that he's completely in love

and it kinda comes out of nowhere from him

like you're talking about something and you just laugh and he realizes, 'oh.'

I think he stops listening at that point cause he's surprised how he never noticed before

and he realizes it isn't out of nowhere, it's been there for a long time

you'd think he'd be upset about it or something but I actually think he's pretty warm and soft about it

at least to himself

when you ask him what's up he gets embarrassed and dodges an accusations that he's acting funny

He's actually pretty nervous and flustered about the whole thing

I actually think he confesses at the end of that day

He's walking you home and just outside your door he kind of just stops and stares

it's a mix of anxious and excited on his face, and he clearly has something he wants to say but he's trying to figure out how to say it

you ask him what's up and he just looks you straight in the eye and says 'I love you.' with no holding back. no restraint. he's the surest he's ever been about anything.

I think the thing that surprises him the most over all is how much he likes being in love

He's not sure if that's normal or if it's cause it's you

Anon

oh boy Anon

won't lie he's a little 'oh shit.' when he realizes

I think it takes him about a month

maybe just short of that

once he realizes he accepts it pretty quickly and starts making a plan of attack

he can't afford to screw this up, so he needs to play it out perfectly

(at least so he thinks, dork lol)

like how Anon approaches anything, it's time to do some hard research

More so than what he was already doing unconsciously (looking back, he's kind of mad at himself for not realizing he was going all doki eye'd sooner)

he's researching and planning for about a week and a half, until, finally-- he has the perfect plan

step one is to ask you out in a cute but casual way

very Meet Cute but without the meeting part since you two already know each other (so just cute???)

step two; gank you with the perfect date (which he planned out using his week of research)

If all goes well, he's going to end the evening by asking you if you wanna make this duo permanent

Scale

UGH

Scale

This fucking drama queen

this angst lord

this brood dude with an extra attitude

Scale realizes his feelings pretty quickly and he is in TURMOIL about it

lots of 'alas poor me, I could never tell them how I feel, I could never bring them into such a dangerous world as mine. no, I must walk this path alone'

and on god that shit goes on for like a month

until after a while he notices how well you are surviving just being his friend so he figures, what the hell, let the seduction begin!

(not to mention he was doing a shitty job at keeping away from you anyways and the thought of having to watch from the shadows as you have a passionate romance with someone else kind of pushed his hand more than he will ever admit)

as for how he'd confess--

I think he tries some very cool and daring things that ultimately end up failing

each time he is SURE he's go the perfect act of assassin radness that will practically have YOU confessing to HIM

but every time he gets too nervous and fucks it all up in the end

he is REALLY not used to being this flustered or nervous

after one too many failed attempts he starts getting really pouty

you ask him what's up and he flat out says 'I've been trying to confess my crush to you in a really cool way, but I keep messing everything up!' without realizing that that was basically a confession right there

it actually takes him a beat to realize what he's said

and then he goes into panic mode

'FORGET WHAT I SAID YOU HEARD NOTHING OKAY BYE!' smoke bomb, gone

he attempts to avoid you but is actually finding it really difficult since you always seem to be able to find him

he'd be more upset about it if this wasn't the exact kind of thing that made him fall for you in the first place

he gets a little swoony at the idea that he can never really hide from you is cause you know him so well

when you eventually do catch up with him you tell him that you like him too

which he gets SUUUUUPER flustered at cause 'Hey! I WANTED TO CONFESS FIRST!'

you laugh, calm him down, take back your confession and then let him confess (first)

and then you confess right back and all is well and you smooch your ninja boyfriend

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worriedvision · 2 years

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I'm real - Tighnari

Part two of this fic, gender neutral reader. Karkata makes an appearance as well as Kaveh and Alhaitham arguing (as they do lol).

You stopped running after getting to a clear part of Sumeru, no threats you could see around, and you finally collapse onto your knees as your brain starts to figure everything out.

Your boyfriend never existed? But how could you feel him? Sure, he didn't do anything that went into saucy territory, but you did believe him when he said he wanted to take things slow. Truthfully, it matched what you were wanting as well.

If your boyfriend wasn't real, there was no telling what else wasn't real. Did anything you know to be real exist? Was Alhaitham simply lying to you?

You check your pockets, looking for the locker with the picture of you and your boyfriend, and you find it. Sighing out of relief, you open it up slowly, only to feel devastated.

You were posing in the picture as normal, but your boyfriend was not there.

Did nobody think to tell you that this was happening? The stranger that took the picture didn't tell you anything, did they simply decide not to help you? Perhaps they were able to see him as well, convenient when you were getting memories to keep with your boyfriend.

Putting the locket back into your pocket, you feel your tail curl into yourself.

Was your tail real? It sounded silly to a rational mind, but you had to decipher what information to remove from your notes, what to keep.

Right now, you just hug your tail as you curl over to sleep.

"... Alhaitham, you are an absolute imbecile!" Kaveh huffs out, finding out why you sprinted past him after the discussion. "Did you not think about emotions? They're unpredictable, but I guess you don't have the privilege of having them it seems." He crosses his arms.

"I simply presented the facts to them. They didn't let me finish, and that is entirely on them for failing to be rational." Alhaitham reasons.

"...Are you joking? 'Oh, your boyfriend didn't ever exist, the Akedemiya made him up', and you expected them to be able to stay and hear you out?" Kaveh laughs out. "You should have started with the fact Tighnari could help them come to terms with the information you were about to present!"

"They asked me where their boyfriend was, I answered the question." Alhaitham states.

"This is going nowhere, I'm going to find Tighnari to explain to him your mess up. He will know how to sort this out." Kaveh shakes his head, storming out.

Tighnari almost doesn't believe Kaveh after hearing this.

"That is so cruel of the Akedemiya." His ears droop, he could only think of how you could possibly take that information well. He never saw your boyfriend, but he knew you loved this mirage.

"Alhaitham really was not understanding the idea of someone freaking out about this kind of information. Absolutely terrible." Kaveh shakes his head disapprovingly. "I'm afraid I can't tell you where they ran off, I was focused on finding out what my terrible roommate said."

"I have a feeling they'll be safe. They know how to protect themselves, but I will send a friend of mine to look for them." Tighnari responds. "...Kaveh, could you tell me something?"

"Go ahead." Kaveh states.

"Did you ever see their boyfriend?" Tighnari asks.

"Of course I did!" Kaveh states in response, apologising when Tighnari flinches. "Call me a sappy romantic, but I think you might have been the only person not to have seen him. I think the Akedemiya knew how unstoppable you two would be together." He hums out in thought, before bidding him farewell.

Tighnari knew Kaveh was simply trying to make him feel better, but the idea Kaveh just mentioned did have a backbone. He seemed to be the only one to not see another person with you.

It clicks.

The Akedemiya knew of their kind, they mate for life. It was so cruel, giving you a fake boyfriend and making Tighnari think you had a real boyfriend despite never seeking you with him nor smelling his scent on you. You were never marked, but the feelings you had were there, so it would take a long time for you to move on if you could. They did this all just to keep the both of you from getting together, he still didn't understand how that specifically would have helped with their plan.

Tighnari decides to get Karkata, instructing him to find you based on the pictures he had of you, and Karkata makes his way out. Tighnari can't stay awake, the idea of sleep washing over him before he could stop himself.

You wake up to the sounds of machinery, rubbing your eyes as you slowly wake up. You see a ruin contraption you didn't know of, but your fighting instincts don't kick in. You get a sense of trust in this machine, and it does a happy jive when you sit up.

It takes a few steps, turning around as if to tell you to follow it. The sense of trust doesn't drive you - the sense of curiosity does. The machine takes you to the research facility you worked with Tighnari in, and you see Tighnari taking some notes before looking up.

"Good morning, _. I see Karkata has protected you." Tighnari smiles, Karkata letting out what you presumed to be a happy sound before it waits for its next command. "I'm so glad you're okay. Forgive Alhaitham, he isn't known for being considerate of reactions."

"Are you real?" You ask, hand going up to your mouth in shock after realising what you just said out loud.

"Yes. Take a seat, please." Tighnari requests, you comply. "The only person that didn't exist was your boyfriend. Everyone else could see him as well, however I never did, and I want to apologise." Tighnari continues slowly, checking you're processing the information. "I have an idea as to why I was excluded from seeing him, but I won't launch that on you." Tighnari finishes.

"...I know this is going to sound strange, but could I ask you about my notes?" You ask, pulling out your notebooks. "I want to make sure I haven't been learning falsified or otherwise incorrect information."

"Gladly, I've got all day."

#gender neutral reader #genshin impact imagines #tighnari #tighnari x reader #tighnari x gender neutral reader #Alhaitham #kaveh #karkata

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narastories · 7 months

Text

So, I kind of finished my random Hellraiser movie-watching madness, and here is my personal list of ordering the Hellraiser films from best to worst:

1. Hellraiser (1987)

2. Hellbound: Hellraiser ||

3. Hellraiser (2022)

4. Hellraiser: Hellseeker (VI)

5. Hellraiser |||: Hell on Earth

6. Hellraiser: Bloodline (IV)

7. Hellraiser: Deader (VII)

8. Hellraiser: Judgement (X)

9. Hellraiser: Hellworld (VIII)

10. Hellraiser: Inferno (V)

11. Hellraiser: Revelations (IX)

I know everyone has REALLY different opinions on these lol This is just mine. Ramblings below.

1. Hellraiser (1987)

If you're not rating this at the top, what even are you doing? OG. Classic. Great. Yes, they have visibly worked with different tech regarding the make-up, fake blood, etc. It just adds to the charm. Also: Kirsty <3

2. Hellbound: Hellraiser ||

This goes hand-in-hand with the first one. It also has that part with Kirsty getting the Cenobites to protect them, which is great. 10/10 no notes.

3. Hellraiser (2022)

Sorry, not sorry for putting it this high. It's just so pretty. And the cast is great. Overall eye-candy. I mean, I have a soft spot for Goran Višnjić in this (liar) in general. And Jamie Clayton just really made the role of the Priestess her own. I think with some of the Pinhead re-casts the issue was that they just put another guy in there, but with her, she really owned the role. The references back to the OG are subtle, and overall I think it did the original film justice.

4. Hellraiser: Hellseeker (VI)

I would be lying if I said the Pinhead & Kirsty scene didn't influence me to rate it this high. But also, I feel like this is the film that Inferno was trying (and failing) to be. You have the plotline with the police, and the cheating husband, but you actually care about what happens to the characters because it's Kirsty and his husband not just random people with no backstory. I'm going to say it again: I personally enjoyed Trevor's suffering and Kirsty getting blood on her hands. There is also something to be said about the early-2000's anxiety about surveillance.

5. Hellraiser |||: Hell on Earth

This still has a very similar vibe to I & II, which is a plus. I get that people think Pinhead is OOC here. Personally, I think his behavior could be explained by what happened to him. To me, it was hilarious that he basically let the human part of him die to save someone else, got stuck in a statue and his brain-to-mouth filter just disappeared. And then the human part kept haunting people. You also have Terri and Joey whom I love dearly.

6. Hellraiser: Bloodline (IV)

I appreciated the backstory, and I appreciated Angelique. Also, as I've said before the space-station setting didn't feel overly gratuitous. Imo it served a purpose and added to the narrative saying "we are so far in the future and these angels/demons are still here". At this point in the movies, it felt really good to get a little history lesson too about where the box was coming from.

7. Hellraiser: Deader (VII)

I would not call this (or the rest on this list for that matter) a good film. There was something personally relatable and therefore terrifying to me about this movie. It leans strongly on the idea that the ones you should be afraid of the most are human and I like that. The subway car scenes are also fun, but I'm taking minus points for the Hungarian name in the address that the guy pronounced like it was an Italian city. Oh yeah, and if you are claustrophobic... good luck?

8. Hellraiser: Judgement (X)

Very bizarre, but not half that bad? The scenes followed a plot that made sense and were enjoyably done. Pinhead wasn't OOC despite it not being Doug Bradley, of course. The guy with the glasses was also fun. Bonus points, because Kirsty can make deals, but Carter can't :P At the same time, this film is nowhere near as good as some of the older ones.

9. Hellraiser: Hellworld (VIII)

Just. No? I mean, part of me appreciates the geeky "fandom" setting and the 2005 technology. But. No. It's like Teen Wolf meets Hellraiser, and that is not a compliment (although I like both but... no) I just have an incoherent "this tasted bad" feeling about this movie lol If I had to articulate it, I would say that the plot felt very unfinished.

10. Hellraiser: Inferno (V)

So boring. I wasn't opposed to the concept because I think the question: "What does the police have to say about all of this?" is a good and valid one. But man, the execution sucked. I had zero sympathy for the main guy, but I also didn't feel gleefully malicious as I did with Trevor. Yeah, I can't recommend this one.

11. Hellraiser: Revelations (IX)

Ugh. First of all, the protagonists are two spoiled brats, whose troubles offer nothing interesting. Like, okay, you had a temper-tantrum and opened the box, congratulations I guess? Kirsty was more mature than this in the first movie. Second, and I'm sorry to say but this is the worst Pinhead recast out of them. He looked like a boy in his father's shoes. Tbh the cenobites all look worse. The plot also moves too fast and the references back to the old stuff are really clumsy. I'm sorry but I hated it.

#hellraiser #hot takes #maybe #anyway that was my hellraiser marathon lol

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zukkaoru · 7 months

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20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @starrynightarchive and @feralshadowdemon, ty for the tag!! putting most of this under a cut since it's long lol

tagging (with no pressure): @that-was-anticlimactic @backhurtyy @rejectscanon

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

167 linked to my main ao3 account. maybe some others floating around that have been made anonymous or orphaned or something. who knows

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

965,845 - okay wow i did not realize i was that close to 1mil. huh

3. what fandoms do you write for?

well right now the bsd brainrot has taken hold of me and i cannot think of much else. but i do have a handful of zine fics for other fandoms that are in progress / will be posted eventually. i have a very long list of fandoms i have written for in the past; however, i would not recommend reading anything posted before 2021

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

plum blossom

you clutched my brain and eased my ailing

my calamitous love & insurmountable grief

five times ryan came out (and one time he couldn't)

(just wanna be) somebody i'm proud of

my disclaimer here is that these are absolutely nowhere even close to being by best fics and i kind of resent them being my top five

5. do you respond to comments

i'm trying🫠 i let like 600+ pile up in my inbox over the course of a year and a half (or more) and so i recently went through and just marked everything as read instead of actually responding. BUT (almost) all comments on fics posted since ~august 2023 will get responses. exceptions are if i literally don't know what to say bc i'm bad at talking to people sorry

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

you don't even want to know the horrors that showed up in my google docs this weekend. but also either if one of us dies or may we stay lost on our way home

7. what is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i'll go with this ultraviolet morning light just bc it's probably the greatest payoff since it takes longest to get to the happy ending

8. do you get hate on fics?

not typically but there have been a few mean comments over the years. actually i got one bookmark on a fic that's in a series for a fanweek that says "ignore the others in this series but this one is good" and honest to god it just made me laugh. like.. you do realize i can see that, right?

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i can barely write kiss scenes

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

i don't usually BUT when i was in middle school my friend and i created The Megacrossover, which consisted of us putting a bunch of different book characters into a hunger games arena. and we just kept adding more fandoms, and having new characters be transported into the arena. it was a good time. this was also entirely handwritten as all fanfiction should be when you're 10-12 years old

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge. definitely found one fic that was like. heavily influenced by mine back in my ouat days though

12. what's the longest you've spent working on a fic? and the shortest?

longest: over a year, at least shortest: a couple hours (not including editing)

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

not technically since the megacrossover but corey and i co-come up with ideas like. at least once a week

14. what's your all-time favorite ship? from all fandoms?

outlaw queen has to be my answer to this forever and always. never forgive never forget 🏹🍎

15. what's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

too many to answer. probably the biggest one is the azula-centric sequel to tuvml that i simply do not have the attention to write bc the hyperfixations have travelled elsewhere :( there are many many others though. i have an endless amount of ideas and not enough time

16. what are your writing strengths?

people often tell me i'm good at characterization and tbh i do pride myself on knowing characters better than 97% of the rest of the fandom. not all of the characters. but most of them.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

short attention span </3

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

do whatever you want forever. but like.. respectfully

19. first fandom you wrote for?

probably percy jackson when i was like 10. no you cannot find that anywhere online because i, like an idiot, deleted it without saving a backup copy

20. favorite fic you've written?

definitely (i am) the whisper of a memory. i love a lot of my fics, but that is one i am especially proud of because i tried new things with the formatting and i think it worked really really well

#can't remember if i've done this one before or not but if i have it has been a While #tag game #idk what else to say here. i'm tired

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dragoneggos · 2 years

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wip wednesday (kind of)

thanks for the tags @forabeatofadrum and @ivelovedhimthroughworse !!

i haven’t really been writing any fic the last few weeks (even though i really should be lol). i’ve had a difficult-ish week, so here’s the only thing i’ve managed to write, as i have nowhere else to share it. it’s a poem thing about coming out that i briefly toyed with giving to baz, but ultimately decided was too intrinsically mine.

you discover it hidden

small small small

in a tiny part of your brain.

and you think

that’s okay

it can stay there

i’m okay with it there.

but then you tell someone.

and it feels so

good.

and that tiny part suddenly

isn’t so small anymore.

it grows.

and it swells.

with hope.

and life.

and hope given life.

suddenly it’s not so easy to

crush

that part of you down.

that part of you that wants to be

out.

i’m only out to two people irl, so i just wanted someone to see it, haha

tagging anyone that feels like they have something to share!!

#wip wednesday #snowbaz #poetry #asexual #ace pride #coming out

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bluemusickid · 3 years

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That Blue-Eyed Boy

Pairing: Gym Trainer!Jake Jensen x Fem!Reader

Warnings: smut, 18+, enemies to lovers (sorta), Jake being Jake, oral sex, masturbation, hot stuff, shameless PWP, purely self indulgent smut, unprotected sex (don't be silly, wrap your willy), sexy talk (bad), MINORS DNI

A/N: Hiyaaaa. So smut has been long overdue on my blog and I'm gonna give it to you (excuse the pun lol). I wrote this for the amazing @sweeterthanthis 's 6K challenge. Lau, you are a gem and you deserve every follower, if not more, which you definitely have by the time this fic is out lol. Love ya, hope I'm not too late, heh. 😅 I based this on a story one of my friends told me about how she nearly hooked up with her trainer (i'm glad she didn't tho, he was...bad.) anyways, hope it doesn't seem too illogical. Shameless PWP here lol.

Follow my sideblog @lexiscyberlibrary and keep the notifications on for updates! Check out my masterlist for more!

18+ blog, Minors not welcome, you are responsible for your own media consumption. Not beta'ed, any mistakes, grammatical or otherwise are all mine. I post my stuff only on Tumblr and AO3, nowhere else. I do not give anyone permission to reproduce, copy or translate my work. Likes are welcome, reblogs are much appreciated! Dividers by the wonderful @firefly-graphics

Prompt 44. “I’m gonna treat you so nice, you’re never gonna let me go.” - Pretty Woman

Walking into the gym, you prepared yourself for another day of arduous exercises. This had been SUCH an oversight on your part. Turning 25 was bad enough without your brain telling you that it was time you slowed down on clubbing and paid more attention to your health.

So you took up that gym membership that your friends had gifted you. Like A FOOL. You remembered the first day you entered, the day of reckoning. You’d spent wayyy too much on a new workout wardrobe, and Lulu Lemon was a bad idea to visit when tipsy.

And on top of that, your trainer was an asshole.

Jake Jensen. Blond bastard. The sun had nothing on how bright he was everytime you saw him in the gym. The first time you’d met he’d been suuuper enthusiastic, taking you all around the gym, selling you all the features and “vibes” of it. You’d never forget his parting words to you, "I’m gonna treat you so nice, you’re never gonna let me go."

Fat chance. The first day was a disaster according to you, but as per his theory, "learners are winners!" Christ. His optimism would be the death of you. Or him, if he pissed you off enough. You were close to hating him, but his cheerful disposition couldn't bring you to commit to your hatred.

You surprised yourself when you completed 2 months of diligent exercising. Not that you would ever admit it to him, but you'd come to enjoy it as well. On the days you would feel especially lazy, you would get a "come on, trooper!" text from Jake, prompting you to groan yet reluctantly pull on your pants.

"You know, there's a word for people who work out all day and do nothing else." you'd grumbled once, after a particularly hard set.

"And what might that be?"

"I think, and please forgive my French, but it's Loser." you shot back, ignoring his chuckle as he added another plate to your bar.

"If helping people reach their goals and be fitter makes me a loser, then i'll gladly be the biggest loser, sweetheart." he drawled with a wink, lazily adjusting his pants.

And as much as you tried to ignore it, you couldn't deny, that Jake was kinda hot. He tried to be subtle, but you caught him checking you out once or twice, his cheeks reddening as he'd realised he'd been caught. You couldn't blame him; you'd done the same. He wore the tighest dri-fit t-shirts, accentuating all of his muscles. That man had the body of a Greek God. Not that THAT mattered, but dammit, you were only human. You'd seen him do squats and pushups, and fuck if that didn't make you horny. He was annoying, sure, but you didn't complain when you saw him workout. It wasn't just his physique, it was his passion. He was passionate about his job, which might've been weird to some, you included, but also a major turn on. Which is why it was extra tough when you were asked to bend forward more, or catch your legs, your mind ONLY choosing to focus on the innuendo.

You walked into the gym, preparing yourself for another day of crab walking and crying in pain everytime you had to move your body.

"Hey trooper, ready for our animal flow class?' you heard him, wincing as you could practically imagine him bouncing with energy. How the fuck was he so bubbly? Did he take some special kind of pills? Uhoh, better not ask that question, you mentally berated yourself.

"Yes. But go easy on me."

"That's not my style, trooper. Go big or go home." He said with a grin and a wink, sauntering off to get his gear ready. You groaned. An hour of him stretching and bending was not bound to end well for you. Oh well, might as well get it over with. You were bound to be drenched that day, one way or another.

The class was hard. Every muscle of yours seemed to scream in agony as you tried to gracefully move into the different poses, failing to do so. And it didn't help when Jake would walk over to you to steady you, his hand touching you ever so softly. Every time you felt him, your breath hitched. His whispers of assurance, of him saying 'you can do it, sweetheart' went straight to your core. When he praised your form, you swore you could've seen his eyes darken just a little as he huskily whispered, "good girl."

The hour went by pretty quickly after that. Your panties were probably wetter than your gym attire. All you wanted to do was take a nice cold shower and go home and curl up with your trusty Wand. With that thought in mind, you walked back to the lockers. You passed by the sauna on your way, absentmindedly glancing through the door which was slightly cracked open. What you saw knocked the wind out of your lungs.

Jake was sitting there, legs wide apart, completely naked. It was unlike anything you'd seen before. It was a bit hard to see, but he was completely drenched, droplets of sweat and water dripping down his chiselled torso. His thighs, the most muscular thighs you'd ever seen were spread apart, showing you, oh-

Oh. My. GOD.

He was...big. Bigger than what you had ever seen. You nearly squeaked at the sight. It didn't help your current state of love-hate; where admittedly, you were leaning more towards love than hate. He shifted a bit, his thighs tightening and giving you a better view of the subject of many wet dreams of yours.

It was with great difficulty that you tore your eyes away from him, slowly making your way to the girls' locker room. How you managed to walk away from that was a feat in itself, and you were sure that you deserved a medal. But you knew it was wrong.

How would you even broach the subject? Hey, I know you're just my trainer but I accidentally saw your cock and now I can't stop thinking about it? UGHH.

You walked into the shower cubicle, looking forward to a nice, cold shower. You would not think about the menace and his perfect, thick, meaty...

You couldn't help your hand from sneaking down, towards your core. It was like you were an out-of-body spectator, and your body and libido were working in tandem. You circled your nub, gently at first, increasing the pressure ever so slightly. Your eyes were wrenched shut as you imagined Jake's hands in place of yours, moving in-and-out of few, slow at first, but then increasing in his speed. You were close, you could feel it; your climax dangerously close. You heard yourself moan Jake's name in the heat of the moment, wishing that he could've been the one filling you up.

The door opened at that moment, your eyes flying open as you saw a pair of gorgeous blue eyes stare back at you; the same blue eyes you had been fantasising about. Oh, FUCKETY-FUCK.

"What the HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" you screamed, struggling with your towel.

He had the decency to avert his eyes as he stumbled back, covering his eyes.

"Sorry, sorry, I'm so sorry, but I heard your shower running and presumed that someone had left it on by mistake. The gym was empty so I decided to do a last minute check before I left, and t-then I heard my name..." he trailed off, apologetically, his cheeks redder than a tomato.

You wanted the ground to swallow you up. He'd heard you. He'd heard you masturbate, and TO HIM. This had to be the worst day ever. Staring at the cubicle door, you figured it was best to clear the air.

"Could you turn around please? I'm coming out."

You tentatively opened the door, peering out to see his back. His gorgeous ba-

NO. FOCUS.

"Umm, I guess I should explain before it gets even more awkward." you chuckled, nervously. You couldn't see his reaction, and you were equal parts happy and weirded out about that.

"I..do have...certain feelings for you...and I kinda wish that you hadn't found out...this way..., but if you can please just forget about what you saw..uh, heard, I would be really grateful." you grimaced, the little speech sounding worse when you said it out loud.

For a moment, he said nothing. You were about to ask him to say something when he turned around, his eyes impassive, but darker.

"Forget about what, trooper?"

Walking towards you slowly, he stopped in front of you, his hot breath taking over your senses. He bent down, your lips close enough to touch, but not quite.

"Let's see if you want me to forget."

He closed the distance between the two of you, his lips on yours in an instant. You couldn't process what exactly was happening, your eyes the shape of saucers. But then your brain complied as you savoured the feel of his suspiciously soft lips, his tongue begging for entrance. You moaned, arms snaking around his neck, holding him to you; the towel the only barrier between your engorged nipples and his chest.

You lost all track of time, your tongues meshing together as your hands roamed, marvelling at his taut body, pulling up the tshirt slightly to properly feel him. He groaned, pulling back, panting as he asked you with a small grin,

"Still want me to forget, sweetheart?"

You growled as you pulled him back to you, fingers grabbing onto his hair for support as you attacked his lips with yours. The sudden action caused your towel to drop, baring you to his eyes. He pulled away from your kiss, dropping small kisses till he reached your breasts. He touched them softly, bending down to take a stiff nub in his mouth, the soft caress of his tongue causing your mind to go haywire. You tugged on his hair, wanting the same treatment for your other nipple. He complied, swirling his tongue around the fleshy mass, softly biting, and alternating between licking and biting.

You could swear that you had never been this turned on or wet before. This man was a wizard with his mouth. Popping off your boob, he looked at you as his hand ventured lower, softly swiping through your wet folds. You gasped as you hitched a leg on his waist, wanting more.

"Christ, babe, you're so wet." He breathed, his fingers gaining momentum as he watched your face contort in pleasure, slack-jawed.

You hung on for dear life as you felt yourself nearing your climax, yet again. You undulated against his hand, his palm bumping against your clit. This pushed you over the edge as you moaned loudly, clinging to him as your walls constricted around his fingers.

You dropped your head to his shoulder, leaving small kisses as you both caught your breath. In one quick movement, Jake backed you up against the wall, his hand moving to his pant button.

"I want to taste you, but I'm too horny, babe. Will make it up to you later, I promise." He grunted, hurriedly pulling his pants down, taking himself in his hand. You stared at his gorgeous thick cock. The tip was red and he was already leaking precum. You took him in your hand, swiping your thumb over his tip. He took a sharp breath, thrusting himself into your hand. Hitching your leg over his waist again, you guided him to your opening, before leaning over to whisper in his ear,

"Show me whatchya got, trooper."

With that, he began to move, like a man possessed. Gathering your wrists in his hand, he held them up, using it as leverage to push into you harder. You moaned, running your tongue lightly over his jaw, the soft beard prickly against your flesh. He groaned, looking at you before latching onto your lips for another mind numbing kiss. You were all heady sensations; no thoughts in your mind. All you could do was hold on as Jake fucked you into the wall. You felt the coil winding up, your legs shaking as you felt it building up again.

"Jake...i'm..cumming.." you sqeaked, winding your arms around him to hold yourself up.

Reaching down, he swirled his fingers around your swollen nub, slightly flicking the top. That pushed you over the edge as you screamed, running your fingernails across his back. He cried out, emptying himself inside you as he felt your walls engulf him tightly, pulling out every last drop from him. Your legs were shaking from the onslaught of your violent orgasm, thankful that he was holding you upright.

He put you down gently, a moment or two later, wiping you with your discarded towel. You were unsure of what to say to him, now that you were thinking clearly. You were sure he would probably terminate his coaching with you, transferring you to someone else.

Which is why you were pleasantly surprised when he left a passionate kiss after cleaning you up.

"You have no idea how much i've wanted this. Training you was a task. The only thing I wanted to do was bend you over every piece of equipment in the gym and fuck you senseless."

Your breath hitched at his honest words. Damn, all that worrying was for nothing, you realised.

"I wanted the same." You whispered. He raised his eyebrow, his eyes glinting mischievously.

"So what now?" You asked, getting dressed. It was weird, doing that in front of him but he seemed unfazed.

"I'll still be your trainer here, that is if you still want me to be."

"Of course."

"Then that settles that. Of course, we still need to figure out our situation outside the gym." He murmured, leaving a small peck on your lips.

You sat on your couch, sipping your cool white wine. What a day it had been. You truly hadn't expected something like this to happen, and yet, it had, and it was one of the best sexual experiences you'd had, no lies. Even now, reliving it hours later, brought a smile to your face, your core tightening in response.

Your phone buzzed at that very moment, breaking you out of your delicious daydream. It was from Jake. You opened it, heart beating in anticipation.

I'm coming over with tequila and pizza. Hope you're ready, trooper.

You grinned, getting up to get ready for him. He was right, you realised. He treated you so nice, you were never gonna let him go.

Lmao yesssss, this was shameless PWP, but oh well. I needed it. DESPERATELY. I apologize for any mistakes, I typed this on my phone.

Tagging: @donutloverxo @gotnofucks @the-soulofdevil @chrissquares @worksby-d @patzammit @denisemarieangelina @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @savior-adriana

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mycringefactory · 2 years

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More dialogue from the Spamton Speech generator (unexpected FF7 crossover)

Originally, I had this in this post, but I think it makes more sense to put this in its own post.

So basically, I was working on the Spamton Speech AI and like, out of absolutely nowhere, Spamton mention’s Cloud. I thought it was hilarious so I continued the story to see what else would happen. I put the details under the cut.

It turned out very interesting. Like, Spamton says things like “YOU HAVE MONSTERS [In You]...” when talking to Cloud, which I can only assume are Jenova cells. Yeah, Spamton can do that (in the AI’s headcanon at least lol). It’s kind of tempting to continue the crossover with different scenarios to see what else it adds to the story lol.

So yeah, If you like unexpected crossovers and FF7 then you’ll probably like this lol.

(Bold is what I entered, blocktext is what it generated in response.)

This is this scene where Spamton unexpectedly mentions Cloud. It’s safe to say he’s probably jealous.

Talk (while cuddling him):

I KNEW YOU'D COME BACK! I KNEW!! WAIT... [Cloud] YOU WANT [Cloud]!? [Wacky Stacks] ARE YOU SERIOUS!? TRANSMIT [Cloud] AND YOU WILL [Die]!! HA HA... YOU HAVE [Me]!? AND YOU DON'T CARE THAT YOU HAVE [Me]!? HA HA... YOU [Bastard]!! YOU DON'T CARE A [Number] % THAT YOU HAVE [Me] WAIT... I HAVE [More]... I WILL NEVER GIVE [Up]!!! TOMORROW I WILL [Build] THE BIGGEST [Cloud] [String]!! AND WHEN I DO... I WILL [Die]!!

So, using the above text (up to the “transmit Cloud” part, and also with the first line changed to “Talk (while cuddling him, mention Cloud Strife)” to help keep the story going), I generated the blocks below in hopes that it would make a scenario where these two husbandos would fight for dominance. It turned out to be very interesting.

WOW!! [It's really you]... [Cloud]!? YOU HAVE MONSTERS [In You]... WELL... [You]... FINALLY HAVE [A Friend]!! IT'S LIKE [talking] TO THE [same] [Talking] [Dragon] YOU'VE ALREADY [Killed] MANY [People]! YOU HAVE SUCH A [Heaven]FAMILY OF [Strings]!! YOU SHOULD BE SO PROUD [Of] IT!! YOU [Wish] YOU COULD MAKE [The Strings] [Burn]!? BUT YOU CAN'T... BECAUSE [Cloud]... YOU... [Die]!!

ARE YOU GETTING ALL THIS [Cloud]? LET'S DO [The] JOB! TURNING [That] [Sauce] INTO [A Mad] [Chemical] [Gotta Have It] IS THE WORK OF [The Devil]! IT'S [Hyperlink Blocked]!! YOU ARE [Dying] FROM THE INSANITY OF IT!!! LET ME [Show You]] [How] [It's Really] [Done] HAEAHAEAHAEAHAEAH [ Die]!!

THAT SAID!!! [Cloud] IS [Dead]!! [Turn Off His Light] [Cloud]! I'LL LET YOU [Give Me] [Your Choice]!! [Pick One] [Heaven] [Earth] [Final Fantasy: The [Final] Price] [No] [Choice] [Abandon Hope] [Now] HEEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAE... [You] HAVE NO CHOICE! I WILL [Be The] LAST [One] YOU Will [see]!! AFTER THIS, [No One] will be ANYTHING BUT [mine]!!

DO YOU NEED [Cloud]!? DON'T WORRY, [All Mine]! I WON'T LEAVE [Y] [Y] [Y]!!! WAIT!! DON'T GO!! YOU DON'T NEED [Cloud]!! I HAVE [All] THE [Traps] YOU'LL EVER USE!! I WAS VERY [Looking] forward TO [Cuddling] WITH YOU! I WAS GOING TO [Die] WITH [YOU]!! BUT NOW [Cloud] IS [The Only Ones]!! THAT'S [Terrible]!! [Terrible]! [Terrible]!!

WOAH... [Cloud] YOU THINK YOU'REGONBE THE [Big Shot]!? I HATE [Homies] LIKE YOU!! I WILL FIND YOU SO [strong] THAT YOU WILL NEED A [Big Mac] JUST TO STAND UP! SO LET ME EXPLODE [Your] [Little] [brain]! YUM YUM [Little] [Protein] WHY DON'T YOU [═】_YOU_[?]; HAVE A NICE [Lunch!?]; STRAIGHT FROM [Main St.]! (Yes, I will! Don't worry Silly Savers, [Cloud] is in your cloud!)

OH... THAT'S RIGHT... [Cloud] STAB! OOH!! [CUT!!] YOU DID IT, YOU [BULletproof] killed [Cloud]! AND NOW, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS REST [Until They Finish] [The Research]!!! THAT'S RIGHT, [Breathing] BULLETS! NO, [That's For] [The Weak!]

DON'T YOU WANNA BE [Part] Of MY [Death Kiss]!? LIKE [Those Pink Squall]!? OR [MAMA]!? [REMAKE] THE [Die] WITH [ Me]!! [Give Me] THAT [Serenity]!!! I WILL BE The [Die] THAT [You] WISHED!!! ...HA HA HA... [Make Cloud Scream] THAT'S [Right!] THAT'S [Stupidity] AND [Envy] FOR YOU, [Cloud]! HA HA HA... YOU [Silly] Bitch!! I WILL BE [Crying] WHEN I [Remember] YOU ASKED ME [For] HIM!!!

#deltarune #spamton #spamton g spamton #deltarune chapter 2 #ff7 #cloud strife #crossover #don't worry cloud is in your cloud #tbh i think cloud would kick his ass #but spamton would probably creep him out enough that it would still be a challenge #um spamton your yandere is showing #spamton speech ai #my post

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flightlessangelwings · 3 years

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Your Voice, Your Promise

Comandante Veracruz x afab!reader (no y/n)

Word Count: 1.1k

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, implied smut, f masturbation, dirty talk, phone sex kinda?, Veracruz secretly caught feelings and in in deep denial

Notes: Written for @autumnleaves1991-blog Writer Wednesday! I originally had a very different idea for this, but Autumn said to me: “hey what if Veracruz secretly misses his cariño” *hint hint wink wink* and I wrote this instead lol. This can stand alone, but read in the Unofficial V & U series it takes place before “Missed You.”

The sound of your phone woke you up from a deep sleep and with a low groan you turned over to look at the clock. It was the middle of the night, and your first thought was why someone would call so late. But then your brain caught up to you and you realized there was only one person it could possibly be.

A jolt of fear ran through you as you imagined the worst possible scenario. Comandante Veracruz was on the other side of the country on assignment for the past few weeks, which left you all alone. It was unlike him to call so late, and you swallowed the nerves as you answered the phone and braced yourself for bad news.

“V?!” you were breathless as you shook the sleep and nerves from your tone. When the other end of the line was quiet, you said his name again, this time unable to hide the nerves, “Is everything ok? V?”

“I’m here cariño,” Veracruz finally spoke, and he heard you let out a heavy sigh of relief.

Veracruz was in a small town in the middle of nowhere, sent there to investigate by a tip that the town was used in an illegal weapons trade. He stood in the only phone booth in the town under a dim, lonely street lamp. There was nothing else in sight and he was surrounded by darkness. But he wasn’t afraid; Veracruz knew that his men were stationed throughout the town, even if they were out of sight at first glance. And with the way the comandante carries himself, no one dared oppose him even if he was on his own.

“Is everything ok, V?” you asked again as you gripped your phone tighter.

The comandante was quiet again: how could he answer you? Yes, everything was ok, but after so long, he had this insatiable need just to hear your voice. Veracruz would never admit that out loud, though. “I just wanted to make sure you weren't touching yourself while I’m away,” he finally replied in a husky voice.

Your breath caught in your throat for a moment at his tone and you squeezed your thighs together on instinct, “No,” you breathed, “I made you a promise.”

Veracruz grit his teeth and the words slipped from his lips before he could stop himself, “Do it.”

“What?”

“Do it now,” Veracruz commanded, “Let me hear you touch yourself.”

After a heavy breath, you relaxed your legs and let your hand slip under your panties, “Anything you want, V.”

You let out a soft moan as your finger made contact with your clit and you rubbed slow, lazy circles around it. Veracruz listened intently as you let out those soft noises that secretly drove him wild. His grip on the pay phone was so tight, he vaguely wondered if it would break, but whenever you let out a new sound, the thought was pushed out of his mind.

His eyes bore into the nothingness in front of him as he imagined what you looked like sprawled out on his bed with your hand between your legs. Veracruz became insistent that you stayed at his apartment whenever he was away for longer periods of time, and you didn’t argue, not that you wanted to anyway.

“Feel good, cariño?” he teased with a wicked smirk.

“Yes,” your voice was just a whisper as you replied between moans, “Not as good as you though, V.”

That made him freeze.

“I wish it was your hand instead of mine on me,” you went on as you rubbed your clit faster, “Or your mouth,” your breath hitched, “Or your cock,” you paused as you dipped two fingers inside your pussy and pumped a few times before you went back to your clit, “I can’t wait for you to come back to me. I want you however you want to take me.”

The comandante let out a low growl as he suddenly became aware at how hard he was. But, he did not move and he dared not interrupt you.

“You can tie me to your bed and have your way with me,” your voice went up a bit as you rubbed yourself faster and chased your growing climax, “You can fuck me in any position you want,” you dropped your head down into the pillow as you felt the warmth grow within you, “Or if you’ll let me ride you, I will… Fuck…”

Veracruz groaned your name as he slumped forward and finally lost his composure, “You going to cum for me, cariño?” he panted, “Let me hear you.”

With that, you came with a low moan and his name on your lips, and Veracruz felt his cock strain more in his pants. But he wouldn’t allow himself to get lost in his own pleasure just yet; he was too invested in your new found dirty talking and the sounds you made as you rode out your climax.

Tears filled the corners of your eyes as you felt your first release in weeks, and the sound of the comandante’s voice in your ear only added to the pleasure and sensations you felt. “Fuck… V…”

“Good… cariño,” his voice was low and husky between breaths and you could only imagine the feral look in his eyes.

You took several deep breaths to slow your pounding heart before you answered him, “Will you be home soon?” You suddenly felt very alone again, even though you still heard Veracruz’s heavy breaths on the other end of the line.

“Yes,” Veracruz replied bluntly through gritted teeth, “You have more promises to make good on, corazon,” he gripped the old pay phone tightly as he forced his mind to focus, “And I know you’re good for keeping your word.”

“So are you,” you quipped back and you swore you heard a hint of a chuckle through the phone, “Stay safe, comandante. And come back to me.”

Veracruz didn’t know how to respond so he just swallowed hard and hung up the receiver. As he stood alone in the dark phone booth, he found that his mind lingered on you. He wasn’t even sure why exactly he called you in the first place, let alone in the middle of the night. Veracruz told himself it was just because he needed to release, but he didn’t even indulge himself while he had your voice in his ear.

With a grunt, he pushed himself off the pay phone and decided to head back to his bunk. He would deal with whatever was going on in his head another time. For now, he had another pressing concern, and with your words still fresh in his head, Veracruz had all the fuel needed for a satisfying release of his own.

#comandante veracruz #comandante veracruz x reader #comandante veracruz imagine #comandante veracruz x y/n #comandante veracruz x you #Burn Notice The Fall of Sam Axe #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal character fanfiction #writer wednesday

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violetnotez · 3 years

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Haaaaiiii! I don't know if you've done this before, but can you do a headcanon with Midoriya, Bakugou, Todoroki, and Kaminari (separately) dating a slim thicc reader who's waaaaay to kind to everyone for her own good? Sorry if that was specific lol. It just suits my life.

HC: Slim Thicc + Overly Nice Reader | BNHA

Music Genre: Pop | BNHA

Characters: Midoriya, Bakugo, Todoroki

Warnings: cursing, suggestive content

Music Collection | Tip Jar | Requests!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ:

Shop Owner Note: The fuq how did you describe me in four words lmaoooo-I really liked this idea alot!!!!! Also I only did Bakugo, Izuku and Shoto caus emy brain got fried, so hope thats okay!

Midoriya

THIS GIF ISNT APART OF THE HC AT ALL I JUST FOUND IT AND NOW IM FEELING SOME TYPE OF WAYYYY😳😳

Midoriya most definitely drink his respect women juice

He was raised by his mother after all

BUT

doesnt mean the boy cant be a little perverted-

He just loves your body!!!!!

How can he NOT love everything about it, from the way your school tights slightly squeeze your thighs to the point where he feel like he cant breath

Or when you wear his shirts and its tighter around the chest and flowy around you waist

Mmmmmm lets not forget your hero suit- this man would probably kiss the shoes of the person who made your suit

Cause DAMN they really made it as tight as possible and he just loves it sm

Lets be real this dude has probably popped a boner by accident just thinking about your hero suit 😶

ANYWAYS 💀💀💀💀

He is very much respectful about you and keeps his raging hormones horniness to himself

He is ALWAYS making sure you feel comfortable in your relationship, whether its from holding hands to cuddling, he will always make sure you give your consent

Now, when it comes to your kindness, this is something Midoriya probably loves the most about you

But he does find it really concerning when he notices you say “yes” to everything somebody asks you to do for them

And running yourself down, not looking as energetic as yourself

He is very observant, so he notices little things that signal you are little overwhelmed

Like your clothes arent as perfectly ironed as they used to be, you seem to be forgetting your own things while remembering to bring everybody else’s, your smile seems strained, and you just look stressed

He is so incredibly empathetic- it pains him to his s/o look so distraught

It does anger him a bit that these people can so easily take advantage of you, and not even care that you arent feeling your best because of what they asked of you

But he swallows down the anger, offering to help you with whatever you need at your dorm room

He tries to make it as stress free as he possibly can, bringing your favorite snacks and playlist of music to calm your mind

But at some point hed give you a very gentle talk,,,,

He knows you havent been feeling too great, whether you deny it or not, and he wants you to know that its perfectly okay to not say “yes” to every person

He knows you mean well and you want to help everyone out of the generosity of your heart, and he loves that about you

But you as a person are important, and you come first over anyone

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

Bakugo

Like Midoriya, just LOVES your body

Like cmon, how can he NOT

Dude is a ass+boob man change ma mind

At first he deifnitely denies it-

Him??? Stare at your ass??? Pshh he was looking at the oven baka, if anything your ass was blocking his view-

You would know you caught him red handed cause he face would get redder than Momo’s hero suit and he would actually stutter—-

Which would make him extrmeely annoyed and he’d be cussing a storm+be in a grumpy mood for an hour or two

But once you two get more comfortable in your relationship-

NO HOLDING BACK

He will have use every opportunity to just be meannnn

And by mean

I mean turn slapping your ass into some sick game

Like if you dont yelp and cuss him out whats the point?

Once he slapped you so hard he legit left his big ass hand print on your butt cheek and you were about to slap his smug ass back....

But off a 50ft building 🙃

Also a big softie too

Like when you to cuddle he loves cuddling into your chest 🥺🥺

To him it’s just so comfyyyyyyyyyy

Honestly, Bakugo can’t understand at all how you can be so nice to people

It confuses him???? But he finds it really....nice???

Like half the stuff you do for people Bakugo wouldn’t ever dream of doing

He knows he’d either give that person an intimidating, dirty look or just laugh at them, cause yeah right he’d waste his time with their stupid problems

Ouchhhhhhhh

But you are totally different than him-you had a lot more patience and sympathy than he had, always coming to everyone’s rescue it seemed like

He finds it attractive and to him, it confuses the hell out of him how he does

But what bothers him is how much time you spend away from him

He won’t ever admit it, but he feels lonely when you’re not around

And what’s even worse-is by the time you do hang out with him, your too tired to even properly pay attention to him after running around and doing everything for everyone else

Bakugo the Attention Whore

One day this dude would have enough, as he’s been getting the bad end of the stick for a good couple of weeks——

He just barges into were ever your at, and doesn’t give to shits what so everrrrr

Bakugo has one mission in mind: getting his s/o back

Wouldn’t acknowledge anyone but you, grabbing your wrist and yanking you out of the room even if your protesting with him

“The hell are you doing Bakugo, let go-“

“No 😠”

“Pleaseeeeeee I was in the middle of working on something-“

“I said NO 😠😠😠”

Angry Pomeranian Activated

Once stop dragging you until he locks you in his room, forcing you to hear him out

He HATES being emotional or open, but at that, he starts spilling his guts through gritted teeth and choppy sentences,,

Saying that you waste too much time in thise “extras”, that they don’t deserve as much time as you give them, and that you have more “important” things than do all their work for them

*cough cough him being the more important thing

But hoenstly, you feel a little bad for him,,,,,

So you compromise with him and promise you’ll spend more time on him

He’s pretty happy with that,

but now he takes it one step further to make sure you deifnitely have enough time to hang out with him

If he’s around when someone asks you for help, he’ll cut them off and lie straight theough his teeth, saying you two have a “date” and squeezing you close to him with an iron grip

“Wait-Bakugo-we didnt have a date planned-“

“Tsch, now we do-“

Shoto Todoroki

I have said this timeeee and timeeee againnnn

But Shoto really is the definition of innocence

So really, it wouldn’t ever dawn on him on how killer his s/o’s body is

He’s just kinda like....yeah I know they have a butt and chest? Doesn’t everyone?😶

This poor Boi someone help him

It only really sets it after a few months of being together that he’s actually really, really in love with your body

Like how did he never notice how good you look in leggings?

Or how soft and comfortable your chest is?

And why does he want you to squeeze him with your thighs? 😳

Hormones are ragingggggg

And also veryyyyyyyy protective over you

Shoto is very observant and quiet in social situations, usually opting to check out his surroundings instead of trying to be sociable

So he’ll catch from time to time classmates commenting on you and your figure, and it never sits very well with him

At first when these incidences happened he was very conflicted, not understanding this intense jealousy and need to protect you

But after a while of contemplating his feelings, he understood it was because he was protective of you

And ohohoohohoh

This man is PROTECTIVE

He does little things you would never reallly notice until you actually do

Like when he takes you home after hanging out or a date, he lingers a little longer outside your door to make sure you’re inside safely

Or when you’re walking together he will make sure your walking inside the street and away from the cars

Also has a tendency to grab your waist or your hand when a group of men come your way

He just gets paranoid okay 🥺🥺🥺

And because he’s so protective, he doesn’t practically like that you’re being taken advantage of sometimes because of your kindness

Especially when it comes to other men

On a few occasions Shoto has spotted you in a sticky situation with a guy who was being a little too close for comfort

It would make you uncomfortable of course, you had a boyfriend you already loved a lot-

but you felt kind of bad just being a total bitch to this guy who desperately wanted a chance

So you’d just awkwardly laugh and smile with their stupid pick up lines, trying your best to be polite but also show you weren’t interested

But Shoto at this point has radar for when your in trouble, and just pops out of nowhere 💀

He’s not the type to flaunt his relationship by impulsively kissing you or anything like that, but he’ll show it in subtle ways

Like calling you “dear” or wrapping his arm around your waist

Honestly, the look of pure relief and comfort in your face shows more than Shoto could have ever done,,,

And that Shoto was deifnitely someone that was more than just a “guy fiend” and soemthing like that

Also Shoto would give them a look that could kill and that instantly scares the shit out anyone lmao

These dudes faces would deflate like balloons real quick, cause at this point everyone knows who Shoto Todoroki is

And how the hell can they compete with that

Instant “oh shit my bad” type energy

After those incidents, Shoto locks down way harder

He practically has you glued to his side, and he doesn’t let go

Like at all

Get used to it cause for the rest of the day Shoto is gonna be following you around like some body guard 💀

None of these characters or shows are my own, only the storylines and narratives I create are mine. Copying, stealing, plagiarizing, rewording, or using my storylines in other media, claiming to be your own, or reposting without my consent is not allowed.

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angelictaehyun · 4 years

Text

PAIRING: richboy!kang taehyun x fem!reader

SYNOPSIS: He’s been a pain in your ass since you began working at the club. He’s arrogant and insanely wealthy, and you’re struggling to simply pay tuition. Needless to say, it’s not quite the match made in heaven… or so it seems.

WC. 11,200+

GENRE: rich kid au, country club au, e2l au, crack, fluff

WARNINGS: mild language, illegal activity, y/n’s an actual dumbass, and taehyun’s kind of a dick lol

You repeatedly tapped your pen against your sticky, worn checkbook, awaiting a response from the refined, old lady sitting comfortably under a patio umbrella. You, on the other hand, felt the scorching heat of the summer sun against your back, making you sweat uncontrollably—you could only hope you didn’t resemble a drenched pig. The woman eyed you, a bit too judgmentally for your liking, before pointing her perfectly manicured nail at the menu in her hand, “I want this pasta, but make it gluten-free. Throw in another iced tea, too… extra lemon, of course!”

You winced at her shrill voice.

“Ma’am, I’m sorry, all of our pasta is made from flour,” you explained patiently. Her right eye twitched. You were an obstacle in her way of getting what she desired, she was angry. Lovely. However, above all, she was confused, “Just tell the chef to make it without flour, let him know it’s a special request. I don’t see the issue.”

“Ma’am, I’m telling you… there’s no way to make it without flour, we just don’t have the type of noodle you want in house.”

She drummed her hand on the table, absolutely fuming. She glanced at you like you kicked a puppy, it was absolutely infuriating. She grasped for nothing as her brain formulated any response, “This is outrageous! I want to speak with a manager. Now!”

You sighed, “Gladly.”

It was astounding, truly, the lack of self-awareness and consideration some people had... or, didn’t have. You wished, so badly, to tell them off, but you desperately needed the cash. After all, college wouldn’t pay for itself and the bills piling on your coffee table wouldn’t just magically disappear. You swiftly turned around and trudged away, scanning the vast garden for your manager, Yeonjun, but unsurprisingly, he was nowhere to be found. You’d known him long enough to assume he was hiding in the manager’s office, his poor attempt to flee from the overbearing, entitled crowd. How he scammed his way into a managerial position, a position of authority… that was beyond you.

You were halfway across the floor, pushing past another server when you felt an intense stare land on you. You halted in place, knowing exactly who the gaze belonged to. You glanced at the table stationed in the far corner of the garden, instantly meeting his piercing stare. He eyed you shamelessly, a signature habit of his, before throwing you a smug grin. You weren’t going to kid yourself, he wore the smirk well.

Too bad he was a pompous ass.

Kang Taehyun. You hated saying his name, it humanized him and he was anything but human. Rather, he was an evil, irritating demon spawn simply disguising himself as human. And the cherry on top? He was the absolute bane of your existence.

There was a hint of mischief in his eyes and something else you couldn’t quite pinpoint, but you didn’t necessarily want to. He opened his mouth to call you over, but much to your dismay, decided against it and instead rose from his seat to saunter over to you. You tried fleeing the scene the millisecond he stood up, but the elderly lady directly in front of you shuffled quite slowly, blocking your exit and trapping you in place. You tapped your foot impatiently as he approached you.

“You look… sweaty,” he observed, chuckling at your less-than-appealing state. Truth be told, though he didn’t like admitting it to himself, he thought you looked beautiful.

“Taehy—” he forcibly cut you off by landing his slender finger on your lips. You ignored the spark you felt from the small contact. He let his gaze travel to your Cupid’s bow momentarily, a part of him wanting to kiss your frown away.

“Ah, not Taehyun,” he reminded you smoothly. You considered biting his finger off, but you prided yourself on your outstanding professionalism. Granted, it significantly dwindled every time you spoke to him.

“Gosh, I’m so sorry,” you mumbled monotonously. “Mr. Kang… if you don’t remove your hand from my mouth, I will shove a menu so far up your ass, you’ll choke,” you snapped, a pretty smile adorning your face.

“Oh, Y/N. Your customer service and approachable personality never fail to amaze me,” he stated, drawing his finger away from you. He continued despite the growing, fiery rage in your eyes, “I’d like another fork, mine’s a bit dirty.”

“That’s your problem. I’m not your waitress, I have my own customers to deal with, so if you don’t mind…”

He completely disregarded your subtle plea for him to leave. “For your information, I’d much rather prefer you as a server and not him,” he admitted, throwing a spare glance at his server—Hyunjin, if you were guessing from the blond hair.

“That’s too bad…” you trailed as you mustered up the fakest sympathetic pout you could. You continued, “Anyways, I really hate to cut this short, but I’d better get going. I’m sure you’ll survive with your fork. You probably won’t get tetanus, but fingers crossed.”

“Yeah, best of luck with Cinderella’s stepmom,” he mumbled, gesturing to your awaiting customer. He flashed you a confident wink before whirling around and returning to his seat. You scoffed, your lips tilting downward into an ugly grimace. The snapping sound from a couple of feet away brought you out of your disgusted daze. The lady you had spoken to was repeatedly snapping her fingers in an attempt to grab your attention. You were met with an expectant gaze when you directed your focus back on her. She was poised, her spine in perfect posture and hands folded properly across her lap; her body language exhibited no sign of emotion until you reached her watchful glare, clearly telling you to hurry along. You inhaled sharply before plastering on a fake smile. You resumed your hunt for Yeonjun, but once again, you felt the weight of a cocky stare land on your back.

He was challenging you, silently. You knew it. Unfortunately for him, you had no interest in playing his silly, childish game, so you clenched your jaw and walked away.

· ──────────────────── ·

As odd as it was, you and your best friend had a favorite bench. It sat a block from the country club and in the middle of a hidden, rugged park, but it was your safe space; it’d been your favorite place since you both found it in fourth grade. After every grueling shift, Kai would meet you on the bench with dinner. The food was almost always inedible, but you weren’t there for his cooking, rather his company. He was already perched on the bench, kicking at a pebble beneath his feet. He heard you approach but kept his focus on the fascinating rock.

“God, took you long enough, I’ve been here forever. I started to think you ditched me for one of those rich boys,” he complained. When you didn’t retort with a snarky comeback like you normally would’ve, he turned from his spot and glanced at your disheveled figure, immediately letting out an obnoxious laugh.

You looked like shit.

Your hair was a disaster, the wisps of hair framing your face no longer considered stylish, but rather unkempt and as Kai liked to put it, “homeless-like.” Not only did you look bad, you felt unclean. The sweat behind your knees was quickly becoming uncomfortably sticky and your mascara was rubbing off, making you look like a rabid raccoon.

Despite all that, you were happy to see Kai, his bubbly personality never failed to cheer you up—but you’d never let him be privy to that.

You shot him the nastiest glare you could muster, but that proved difficult considering the little energy you had left.

“Aw, Y/N…”

“I’m going to quit, I swear to God. If I have to hear one more soccer mom complain about her salmon being too fishy, I’m going to have to start perfecting my mugshot pose,” you grumbled through clenched teeth. He made a noise of disagreement, “Let’s not throw your ass in jail just yet. Orange makes you look like a traffic cone.”

You shot him an indignant glare, “Thanks.”

“That’s what I’m here for. Anyways, I made us some hamburgers and managed to grab some extra soda cans before leaving home. So bone app the teeth or whatever.”

You snorted. He always brightened your mood, just a simple sentence could lift your sad spirit. You had to give it to him, the burger looked pretty appetizing… but you’d learned that with his cooking, much like anything else, appearances can be quite deceiving. Despite this, you inhaled your burger, ignoring the fact that the meat was undercooked and the mayonnaise was likely expired. You paid no attention to the fact that your soda was lukewarm and flat—you sipped on it regardless. Your mind was elsewhere, easily drowning out whatever Kai was ranting about.

“... I know you probably had a bad day ‘cause of your boy,” he observed quietly.

You snapped your focus back, “My boy?”

“Yeah, your boy. The one you think is a self-righteous prick, but secretly think is really hot. Hm, what was it… Terry? Tyler? Taeyong?... Oh, I got it. Trash can.”

You scoffed, “Taehyun, most certainly, is not my boy. I can’t stand him. His head is so far up his flat ass, I’m surprised he’s still breathing.”

Kai nodded in feigned understanding. He tilted an eyebrow quizzically before opening his mouth, but you beat him to it.

“And I don’t think he’s cute!”

“... And I’m Beyoncé.”

You didn’t respond, too tired to argue with him. Instead, you let out a small noise of disagreement before resting your head on his broad shoulder, contently sipping on your warm soda. He knew how tired you were; everyday he watched you wear yourself down to practically nothing, it hurt him. He leaned his head against your own, placing a hand atop your thigh and squeezing reassuringly. You allowed yourself to relax, breathing in the humid, summer air. You stayed like that until he let out a small laugh.

“Let’s rob him,” Kai suddenly suggested. He was joking, obviously, but you still perked at the idea. You turned to face him expectantly, straw loosely hanging from your mouth. He visibly retracted, “Jeez, Y/N, I was kidding.”

“I’m not.”

“… I’m not robbing someone.” He threw you a cautious glare before aggressively taking a large bite of his burger and chugging his flat soda. You were losing your mind, he was sure of it. You poked curiously, “So I’m assuming your stance on graffitiing is the same.”

He pressed his lips into a thin line before letting out an exasperated sigh, “Obviously.”

You turned away, sulking, and he couldn’t help but snicker. You were his best friend and had been since second grade, but if he said he didn’t think you were a dumbass, he'd be lying.

“Come on, it’s time to get you home, you have an early shift tomorrow,” he reminded suddenly, mouth still full. You smacked his arm, disgusted by his lack of basic manners. He opened his mouth to showcase all his unchewed food.

You gagged.

“You’re disgusting!” you screeched, shuffling away from him. He chased after you, catching you almost immediately. His long legs made it easy. He effortlessly tossed you over his shoulder, ignoring your squirming, and carried you to his car, “Hush, I know you love me.”

“Gross. Never.”

He slapped the back of your calf and you squeaked, “Kai! Put me down! Now!”

“No, not until you say it. Make it believable, too.”

He wasn’t joking, you knew that. Eleven years of friendship and he was still as shameless as the day you met him. More so, if anything. Yes, his eight-year-old self was quite the charmer. You grumbled monotonously, “Kai, what can I say… you’re the light of my life, my hero, my best friend. I don’t know what I’d do without you. Probably die. I love you, I guess.”

“Too sarcastic, but it’ll do,” he conceded. He set you down and held in a laugh. Your hair looked even worse than before. He slung an arm around your shoulder, “Okay, get in the car. Hurry. I’d rather not listen to you complain about your lack of beauty sleep… again.”

· ──────────────────── ·

You mindlessly typed in a complicated order as Yeonjun watched your gaze drift over to the garden.

“You’ve pressed that button so much, the console’s probably broken. Cool it,” he reprimanded gently. Your attention snapped back to the screen which was littered with incorrect orders.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what has me so distracted today,” you mumbled sheepishly. He chuckled and gave you a comforting nudge on the shoulder, “I think I know exactly why.”

Your gaze followed his and instantly landed on Taehyun. As much as you hated to admit, he looked good. Great, even. It looked like he’d just walked out of a rager, especially with his tie undone and shirt untucked, which he pulled off beautifully. His hair was slightly disheveled and you suddenly had the strongest urge to run a hand through it.

Your eyes widened at the sudden thought and you aggressively shoved it to the back of your mind. “I don’t like him!”

“I never said you did.” he argued, suppressing a mirthful grin. Yeonjun reminded you of Kai, especially with his insistence on your attraction to Taehyun, or as you believed, lack thereof. He continued, “Just a reminder, though. The line between love and hate is so, so thin.”

Rather than responding and saying something that would surely get you fired, you huffed and turned your focus back on the order, unaware of your aggressive punching on the console’s screen. You were already having a rough day, but everyday spent at the country club was considered less-than-stellar. Yeonjun gave you a reassuring smile before sulking off to deal with another whiny, overbearing customer. You unconsciously let your gaze travel back over to Taehyun and was instantly met with a genuine smile, just not one directed to you. He laughed at a joke, oblivious to your longing and thank God, if he caught you staring, you’d never hear the end of it. His smile was just so pretty, you couldn’t help but feel giddy. Sure, you hated him—that’s what you told yourself—but you could appreciate a handsome face. As if on cue, Taehyun turned in your general direction and you quickly scrambled out of sight. As you turned, Hyunjin scrambled by you, the heavy tray resting on his shoulder nearly beheading you. His long, wavy blond hair, which was in a nice, neat half-ponytail at the beginning of his shift, was now splaying in every direction—he was beyond stressed. If the messy hair wasn’t enough, his hooded eyes were getting darker. You approached him as he grabbed a checkbook, “Hyun, you look like a mess.”

“Hey, Y/N! Yeah, I just have a lot of floor to cover, and they’re all extra demanding today,” he explained, short of breath. He groaned as he watched another set of people sit in his section and continued, “God, please cover me. I’ll owe you one. I’m already overwhelmed with my current table number.”

You laughed understandingly, “Of course.”

“You’re the best, it’s table thirty.” He squinted to get a good look, “Oh! I know that customer, he’s a great tipper. You should be just fine.”

You shifted your attention to the table in question, immediately deflating as you saw Taehyun sitting with a friend. You turned around to protest, but Hyunjin was already gone.

You internally screamed before trudging over to his table, gathering all of your dignity... kissing his arrogant ass wasn’t necessarily on your agenda for today. When Taehyun saw you approach his table, he did little to hide his pleased smirk. You undid your balled fist.

“Hi. My name is Y/N, I’ll be your server today,” you monotonously stated, an unenthusiastic but convincing smile plastering your face. To any other guest, it would’ve been believable, but Taehyun knew better; your server persona didn’t fool him.

“Y/N. What a pretty name,” his friend observed, a bit too flirtatiously for your liking. Taehyun noticed too, judging from the way he narrowed his eyes and tongued his cheek. And also the way he obviously kicked his friend’s leg under the table. You mustered a sweet smile, hoping to mask your disgust, “Thank you! That’s so… nice. Anyway, what would you like to drink? We got in a new Italian wine, just delivered today.”

“That’s alright, just water.”

“Water.”

Cheap. Especially for a pair of chaebol children.

“Alright! I’ll be back momentarily,” you informed, smile dropping the instant you turned away. As you trailed back to the kitchen, you heard Taehyun give his friend a hushed reprimanding making you smirk. You passed Yeonjun, noticing he looked as if he was about to lose his sanity. You gave him an encouraging pat on the shoulder—for someone so young, he managed well. Of course, he used his handsome face and charm as often as possible; his attractiveness and charisma was dangerous. He managed to grasp the attention of everyone and it aided him greatly. You pressed quizzically, “Jun, you don’t seem good.”

“Says you. You’re lover boy’s server. What a shocking, juicy turn of events. I’m on my toes,” he teased impishly. You stared at him vacantly. Yeonjun continued to poke fun, enjoying the lack of response you gave as you procrastinated to avoid returning to Taehyun’s table, but sadly, there was only so long it could take to fill a glass with water. Yeonjun pouted sympathetically, “Good luck.”

You didn’t need luck. No. To spend a precious hour or more, waiting on a privileged, disgustingly wealthy teenage boy, specifically Kang Taehyun, you needed patience, self-control, and temper management. You reminded yourself of just that as you approached him, placing his water near his plate, “Gentlemen, are you ready to order?”

You jotted down his friend’s order, ignoring the growing complexity as he piled on request after request, no sign of stopping. “... And I need it lukewarm. Not room temperature, but lukewarm.”

You diligently suppressed the eye roll that nearly bubbled up. Honestly, you’d dealt with far worse, Taehyun’s friend didn’t even scratch the surface.

You had to wonder though, did people like this ever feel shame?

You faced the cocky redhead, “And for you… Mr. Kang?”

You cringed. He didn’t miss the nearly imperceptible flash of disgust that crossed your expression. He grinned, “Just the lasagna. While you’re at it, I’d like another glass of water.”

“You already have a full glass,” you seethed, glancing at the glass you had just set down. He enjoyed this: testing you, pushing you, slowly dwindling your sanity until you snapped. He wanted to get a reaction from you, anything other than the bored, disinterested expression you gave him every single day. He smiled innocently, “What can I say… I like staying hydrated.”

His amusement was irritating. Unsurprisingly, his torment was based on the stupid, outdated notion that a boy has to show interest by picking on his crush, but you weren’t privy to his inner thought process. You suppressed another eye roll as you turned to grab a pitcher from Hyunjin, the boy sprinting behind you with a full tray. You felt bad for him, at least, until you remembered he pawned Taehyun’s table onto you and your pity became short lived. You filled an empty glass, increasingly aware of Taehyun’s piercing stare. Your emotionless expression would’ve given him no indication as to how nervous you felt if it weren’t for the slight blush that painted your face.

He smirked victoriously. You hated it.

A breath of relief escaped you as his attention turned to his friend. He leaned back in his seat and lifted a hand to rest behind his head, accidentally smacking the pitcher, causing you to spill the cold water onto his lap. He flinched at the sudden icy contact.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” you gasped, fishing a stray napkin from your apron. Normally, he would’ve brushed it off, considering it was his fault, but he felt pressured under the expectant gaze of his snobbish peer. Plus, he gained the reaction he wanted from you... something other than disgust. He feigned offense as he dramatically pushed his seat back and stood up, easily towering over you, “Next time, try not sucking at your job!”

He immediately regretted his outburst but he showed no sign of remorse, not when he had a reputation to uphold. God forbid, he could actually be a considerate person.

More importantly, though, he pushed too far this time and there wasn’t much turning back. You winced at his tone, withering back from his harsh statement, though you quickly replaced your hurt with unadulterated rage. Your blood boiled as your vision went red, steam practically fuming from your ears. Your pained expression broke his heart and he nearly dropped his act, but before he could do or process anything, his silk shirt was sticking uncomfortably to his body as ice water seeped through. His slacks were drenched and his designer loafers were completely ruined. He didn’t pay much attention to that, though... not when you were an inch from his face, holding an empty water pitcher over his head.

“I quit,” you lowly hissed. You firmly shoved the pitcher into his hand and scoffed as he stumbled back from the force. All eyes were on you as you stalked off, hastily tossing your apron into the nearest trash can. Yeonjun gave you a quick nod, his subtle way of telling you he was proud.

He’d get your resignation letter another day.

Taehyun helplessly called after you but it was useless. You were too far gone to care.

· ──────────────────── ·

You slammed your car door shut, absolutely fuming. You blankly stared at the frog keychain hanging from your rearview mirror. Normally, you would’ve smiled at the small figurine, but in the moment, you wanted to punt it into another timezone. It’s cheeriness pissed you off to no end. You quickly fished your phone out to dial Kai’s number, the line ringing thrice before he picked up, groaning, “I’m trying to sleep.”

His voice seemed muffled, likely from the thirty plushies he insisted on sleeping with.

“It’s dinner time.”

“It’s called a nap, genius.”

“Alright, well, I just quit my job… and I might have dumped a pitcher of water onto Taehyun’s stupid, privileged ass.”

The line fell silent. You wouldn’t have been surprised had he hung up on you—your tendency to act impulsively drove him up the wall and he was nearing his limit. You patiently awaited his response, likely a reprimanding scold.

“Y/N, what the fuck.”

“He had it coming, I swear,” you promised. In detail, you explained your biased side of the story, ignoring the obvious judgement emanating from the opposite line. The minute you finished, you spotted Taehyun’s panicked figure run into the full parking lot, frantically searching for you; you ducked behind your steering wheel, praying he didn’t see you. You squeaked, cutting off Kai’s tangent, “Oh my God! Oh my God! He followed me!”

He sighed. “If you dumped ice water on me, I’d be chasing after you too.”

You peeked curiously from your spot, seeing he had yet to find you. The cogs in your mind churned slowly, mixing in with your rage, “What if we graffitied his house?”

“You’re an idiot.”

“I’m serious, I want to do it! He can’t just get away with humiliating me in front of the entire club, waitstaff, and my manager. And graffitiing isn’t illegal… ish.”

You could practically picture his narrowed gaze, “It’s definitely, most certainly, illegal. Sunshine, I understand your anger, hell, I’d be outraged, but revenge isn’t always the answer. And graffiti isn’t the most… sound idea.”

You crossed your arms defensively, “It’s a genius idea.”

“It really isn’t.”

“I’m going to do it, regardless of if it’s a good idea or not. You’re either in or out.”

Once more, the line fell quiet. His mind churned, concluding there wasn’t a chance in hell you’d follow through—you were simply too chicken. He laughed, “Fine. I’m in.”

“Great! Find his address, I’ll be over soon.”

You hung up and regained your composure. Taehyun spotted your car as you buckled in your seatbelt, making direct eye contact with your enraged figure. You were surprised, he didn’t seem angry, rather regretful. Almost apologetic.

But you didn’t care.

You sped off the lot without sparing him a final glance.

· ──────────────────── ·

“Have faith in me! Finding his address isn’t going to be hard. You know, I’m a tech whiz, it runs in the family.”

You snickered, “Beomgyu getting accepted into the computer science program at his university doesn’t mean you got the tech gene. You’re the worst with technology, you can’t even remember your laptop login half the time.”

He eyed you challengingly, before cracking his knuckles and typing furiously. Only a single minute had passed before he was yelling, “Jackpot! I found it!”

You were thrown for a loop. He was quite technologically inept, he couldn’t even open a browser without some trouble, let alone find an address. You stared at him quizzically, a smidge of doubt crossing your mind. He deflated, avoiding your hard gaze, “Okay… maybe, just maybe, I called Gyu before you arrived and had him help.”

You snorted. “Yeah, that tracks.”

You sighed and tossed yourself back on his plush bed, staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars plastered on his ceiling. You laughed quietly, you remembered putting them up there—it was really only a year ago. See, Kai had this whole star-sticker-related schtick or as he liked to put it, “Inability to have them as a child which subsequently caused emotional damage.”

You had just returned from a grueling shift and you were exhausted, weak, and insanely pissed—reason being Taehyun, of course.

It was always Taehyun.

In a frivolous attempt to cheer you up, Kai suggested pasting the stickers onto his ceiling. Honestly, it was more stressful than fun. He constantly wobbled around the bed, nearly dropping you several times as you sat perched on his broad shoulders and stuck them up. It kept you busy though, and thus, kept your mind off of Taehyun.

It was funny, honestly. For someone that swore they hated him, you sure thought about him a lot. He took residence in your mind and you felt like the landlord trying to evict him.

Even at that moment, you couldn’t stop thinking about him. Of course, you were in denial. You told yourself it was natural to be thinking about him; after all, you were going to destroy his property. There was absolutely no other reason as to why he ran free in your mind… none at all.

Kai knew you were overthinking. It wasn’t hard to tell, especially since your forehead usually tended to crease in the ugliest manner when you did. He tried reeling you out of your daze, “So, we’re going to commit a crime.”

“Yep.”

“... There’s no turning back.”

“I know. I’m not going to chicken out.”

He couldn’t help but laugh, of course you’d chicken out. You always did. He didn’t see any harm in indulging you with your idiotic plan, so he found the address. No harm, no foul. Right?

· ──────────────────── ·

You anxiously picked at the leather seating beneath you, nearly tearing a hole in the worn fabric.

“Yo, cool it. Jihyo is already pretty fucked up,” Kai warned. Oh, Jihyo. You still couldn’t believe he named his old, rickety car—let alone after his ex. His car looked as if it had a mile left in it before it ultimately broke down, but you had to put some blind trust in Jihyo. After all, she was your getaway car if everything went south. You’d been sitting in Kai’s passenger seat for half an hour, coming up with nearly every excuse not to proceed with the crime.

“We really don’t have to do this. Not to mention, I don’t want to do this,” he grumbled.

“Then why are you here?”

Imagine his surprise when you showed up at his door, decked out in all-black, stealthy gear, hope and adrenaline coursing through your body. He truly believed you would’ve backed down by now, and a small part of him hoped you still would, but the odds weren’t looking in his favor.

“I’m not letting you go to jail! I can’t get through the school year without you, especially now that Jihyo—human Jihyo—is starting to spread her stupid, little personal agenda against me. Like, yeah, I broke up with you and that’s rough, but maybe next time, try not being manipulative… or a cheater,” he rambled. You flashed him a sympathetic smile; he said he was over it but you knew better. You patted his arm comfortingly and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, a flustered, shy smile replacing his pout.

“Guess what? I think I know exactly what’ll make you feel better,” you whispered sweetly.

His smile instantly turned down into an exasperated frown, “Mhm, let me guess… robbing the rich boy you have a crush on.”

“I don’t have a crush on him! Why would I like him? He yelled at me in front of the entire club! And we’re not robbing him, we’re simply… graffitiing his house. Tastefully.

“So you admit, you had a crush on him.”

“No! I’m just saying!”

He pointedly rolled his eyes and turned his attention to the castle-like house across the street, not wanting to have that conversation with you. He mumbled something that sounded an awful lot like idiot but you let it slide, instead choosing to focus on the task at hand.

“Okay, so the gate code is probably something stupid like his birthday, his mom is probably sentimental like that,” you mumbled to yourself. You tapped your foot anxiously as you tried to formulate a coherent plan. You slowly continued, “The only problem is the crazy amount of security cameras around his house. Like, who needs that many cameras? People are dying.”

“God, I hate you,” Kai grumbled.

You ignored him, “There has to be a blind spot, somewhere a camera won’t cover. Hm…” you studied the perimeter, searching for that camera-free sweet spot. At that moment, you found a tiny patch of grass, hidden under a massive oak tree.

Bingo.

You shook Kai’s arm aggressively, “Look! Right there, that’s the spot. That tree has to cover the camera.”

He rested his head against the steering wheel, “Let’s get this over with.”

As you both climbed out of his car, you couldn’t help but feel a bit out of place. The street was littered with fancy, expensive cars while Jihyo looked like she belonged in the dump, making you even angrier. Kai crept over to the sidewalk, insisting on creeping in the shadows like a vigilante. You, on the other hand, struggled to carry your duffel bag full of equipment, constantly getting slowed down by the exceptional weight. That was your fault though, you packed it full of necessary, outstandingly heavy equipment (necessary being a loose term). Alongside the many cans of paint sat a bag of Goldfish, three juice boxes (because Kai is a massive baby), a faulty navigation system, a not-at-all threatening ski mask, and a broken hammer.

You didn’t remember packing that hammer.

You settled in front of Taehyun’s gate, hoping your birthday theory was correct. Of course, simply because it was you and your luck was awful, it wasn’t. You began pressing random keys, hoping something would work but it was fruitless. Nothing worked, not even the basic combinations. You huffed, “I guess we’re going to have to climb our way in.”

You mentally prepared yourself as Kai sent a couple of prayers out for good measure. He eyed your duffel bag curiously before opening it, instantly met with a multitude of spray paint in all shades. He narrowed his eyes and scoffed, “Jesus, Y/N! Where the hell did you get all this shit?”

“... Craigslist.”

“Bullshit, you were kicked off Craigslist years ago.”

You winced, insulted by his easy remark—he knew how sensitive you were about that. You kicked a pebble sheepishly, mumbling softly, “Fine, I bought the paint from Soobin…”

His eyes widened comically as his heart practically ripped out of his chest, “Soobin?! Choi Soobin?! You can’t be serious. No, there’s no way you bought from the school drug dealer! He’s a criminal! He probably tried to toss in some of that devil’s lettuce with your purchase, huh? Or worse… crack!”

You rolled your eyes and tossed your head back, he was always so dramatic. “Kai, he’s not a criminal. He’ll occasionally sell an edible or two, but that’s it! He didn’t try to sell me anything. Actually, he gave me a pretty good deal on this stuff.”

“Lovely, a modern-day businessman,” he grumbled sarcastically.

“Whatever, just help me climb the wall,” you huffed, zipping up your bag before tossing it over the blockade. Hesitantly, he got on one knee, muttering something you couldn’t quite hear—not that you wanted to anyways. You delicately stood on his knee as he pushed on your thighs in an attempt to boost you over.

Honestly, you struggled. Your weak muscles did little to aid in your quest, but Kai’s strength helped.

“God, take your sweet time, it’s not like your flat, piece of plywood ass is dangling in front of my face or anything. I’m about to throw up,” he gagged.

You scoffed, “Yeah, yeah, complain all you want but this is the most action you’ll ever see.”

“... I won’t hesitate to drop you on your face.”

However, before he could follow on his threat, you managed to hoist yourself over the brick wall. You offered a hand to Kai but instead of accepting, he eyed it mockingly, knowing you weren’t strong enough to lift him. He stretched his legs before taking a step back, giving him a running start, and surprising you both when he successfully lifted himself.

You placed your hand over his mouth, “Shh.. whisper. We’re in enemy territory now.”

He licked your palm, nearly making you screech, “Gross!”

He childishly stuck his tongue out. You shook your head and began scrounging the duffel bag for the perfect paint color. Of course, you wanted to create a masterpiece worthy of Kang Taehyun... you even considered tagging it. Kai silently sat on the grass, aimlessly picking at the freshly-cut blades as he watched you happily paint.

You were pleased to say that in the half an hour you’d been painting, nothing had gone awry... yet.

“The fuck is that supposed to be?” he questioned curiously, leaning closer to inspect the vulgar work.

“Taehyun,” you said easily.

“Really? ‘Cause it looks like a dick.”

“It’s called symbolism, Kai.” You stepped back to admire your work as if it were hung in the Louvre whilst Kai scrunched his nose, clearly offended by the unpleasant art.

“You know, it’s funny how you have the biggest crush on this dic—” Before he could further elaborate, he was interrupted by an awfully familiar voice.

“What the hell are you doing on my front lawn?”

You cringed. You’d been caught red-handed.

Kai turned slowly, surrendering with his hands up. You, however, kept your back turned, considering just going to hell with it and continuing your tasteful artwork. He glanced at you anxiously, silently pleading for you to put down the paint can.

Only because Kai looked a second away from fainting, you huffed and turned around, mimicking his pose, the only difference being the bored expression plastered on your face.

Taehyun stood in front of you, his arms crossed and irritation painted all over his body language, but as much as he tried to hide it, there was a glint of amusement behind his eyes. You hated how his obnoxious, stop sign hair managed to look amazing under the glow of the moonlight—it was beyond irritating. Arguably, his entire being was irritating. You held his gaze, silently challenging his presence. Kai, on the other hand, was sweating profusely and dramatically hyperventilating. He clutched onto your shoulder, failing to catch an actual breath, “Oh my God! I feel like my heart is pumping out lukewarm sewer water.”

He placed his hands on his knees as he hunched over and continued, “Please, Taehyun. Please, don’t hit me with your Lamborghini. I’m begging you.”

Taehyung blankly stared at the younger, completely forgetting he was even there. You rubbed your temple and hissed, “Will you shut the fuck up? You’re making this worse.”

“I don’t want to go to jail! My face is too pretty for jail, they’d murder me on sight for being the most gorgeous boy they’ve ever seen. God, please don’t call the cops… I’ll do anything,” Kai shamelessly begged. You were so close to punting him into the Pacific Ocean. Taehyun’s annoyingly gorgeous lips twisted into a smug grin as he directed his attention back on you, “Hm, and what about you, Princess? I don’t see you begging.”

You scoffed, “I’d rather eat Kai’s shoe.”

He simply hummed, “That’s too bad. You know, I have a family friend who’s a cop… I’ll convince him to go easy on you in jail.”

“The wealthy wielding control over the justice system… how unexpected.”

“Oh my God! Y/N’s kidding, she’ll do anything,” Kai blurted quickly, shooting you a death glare. Taehyun’s eyebrow lifted curiously, a satisfied smirk settling comfortably, “Is that true?”

“What the hell do you want?” you questioned hesitantly.

“A date.”

You briefly considered his words before shoving Kai forward, “Yeah, go nuts. He’s all yours.”

“... With you.”

You threw your head back and let out an inappropriate, hearty laugh. Even Kai let out a small snicker before replacing it with a fake cough, but Taehyun didn’t seem amused. He watched you expectantly, awaiting an answer.

“So this is the only way Kang Taehyun can score a date… by blackmailing them. You know, that actually makes sense,” you theorized to no one in particular. You simmered in silence for a short moment before Kai cleared his throat, hinting at his obvious discomfort. Taehyun was enjoying this, you just knew it.

That broken hammer never looked better...

“Fine,” you conceded. You glared at him, biting your tongue to prevent you from going off on his pompous ass. Taehyun’s eyes lit up with hope.

Kai let out a breath of relief before mumbling an apology and dragging you off the lawn. His grip on you tightened as you turned around one last time to shoot daggers at Taehyun. He stood comfortably in the middle of his manicured lawn, the porch lights behind him highlighting his pleased smirk, yet all you saw was red.

· ──────────────────── ·

Kai splayed across your bed, mindlessly picking at a random throw pillow while you spritzed a hint of perfume on your forearm. His gaze trailed over your figure curiously, “You’re quite dressed up for someone who’d rather sleep in a dumpster than go on this date.”

“Well I’m not about to walk into high society wearing a stained sweatshirt and joggers.”

He snorted, “Right, that’s the only reason.” You smoothed your shirt and gave yourself a once over, feeling quite confident in your choice of clothing. Kai wasn’t blind, he thought you looked nice, but he’d let pigs fly before he told you that. He continued, “You don’t look… that ugly.”

You rolled your eyes, knowing that was the closest you’d ever get to a compliment from him, “Thanks.”

“Do you know where he’s taking you?”

“Nope.”

If you were being honest, you didn’t care where he took you; you didn’t set any conscious expectations.

“Oh! Before I forget…” Kai smirked as he dug around his backpack. He tossed you a small, blue bottle of mouthwash. He winked cheekily, “You never know… mayhaps you’ll kiss him.”

You nearly threw up, “I most certainly will not be kissing anyone tonight, especially not his pretentious ass. Besides, you know about my rule.”

He groaned. He definitely knew about your rule, it was all you talked about after getting dumped by your last ex. After your last failed relationship (or four) you created a no-kiss policy for your first three dates. You wanted to make sure your kisses weren’t in vain, and honestly, it was fun just watching them work for it.

“The rule is dumb,” he reminded.

“... You’re dumb.”

You were busy dodging a pillow when your doorbell rang, signaling Taehyun’s arrival. You were shocked he didn’t just notify his presence by honking his horn—for a pompous ass such as himself, you wouldn’t have been surprised.

“It’s time,” you mumbled somberly.

“He isn’t the Grim Reaper. This is a date, it’s supposed to be a happy thing!” he tried encouraging sweetly as you stalked down the staircase, but to no avail, your mood didn’t lighten in the slightest.

You aggressively swung open your front door, nearly knocking Kai unconscious. Taehyun dressed simple but pleasant; his expensive, black sweater was expertly tucked into a nice set of slacks and the Cartier bracelet that adorned his wrist, perfectly accentuated his veins. His bright, red hair was styled messily and his cheeks were flushed, beautifully highlighting his angled nose and sharp jawline. Your mouth gaped, just slightly, as you drank him in—while he was always attractive, this specific look had you stunned. He held a single rose against his chest and it only made him look more ethereal, if that was even possible. When you looked up, you instantly noted the hint of panic in his eyes, which made you feel at ease.

“Taehyun,” you blankly addressed.

“Y/N! You look amazing, so beautiful…” he trailed as he handed you the rose. You grabbed it and immediately shoved it into Kai’s chest.

“Let’s get this over with,” you grumbled, pushing past him and harshly hitting his shoulder.

“... Right.”

“Hey, try not to murder him, I can’t afford bail. I make minimum wage,” Kai reminded, flashing Taehyun a sympathetic smile as the older trailed closely behind you. You were about to open his car door when he came rushing by, insisting on opening it for you. In return, you sent him a nasty glare, “I’m capable of opening my own door.”

“I’m just trying to be a gentleman.”

“A gentleman doesn’t go off on someone in the middle of a public space,” you reminded.”

He sighed. A mere five minutes into the date and he already felt defeated. He wished he could form a proper apology, but it would be futile—you’d just shut him down. So he decided to express his apology in the form of something he knew you’d accept; needless to say, he had a trick or two up his Gucci sleeve.

You kept your gaze focused on anything but him. Your arms were folded across your chest, the evident frown on your face doing very little to hide your irritation. Despite that, he still thought you looked beautiful… granted, every single time he spoke to you, you wore a frown so this wasn’t new to him.

“You look so pretty,” he complimented as he slid into the driver’s seat.

“I know.”

Of course he deserved every ounce of your cold, unwelcoming demeanor, but it still hurt. He was flushed but you didn’t notice since you made an obvious effort to scoot as far away from him as possible, practically pressing yourself up against the car door. However, the painful silence quickly overwhelmed you, so you hesitantly threw him a bone, “Where are you taking me?”

“It’s a surprise but I know you’ll like it. It’s my way of apologizing.”

“This better be a hell of an apology.”

“I promise you it is.”

You noticed his sincerity. His usual cockiness was replaced with shyness and a twinge of guilt, and you found it endearing. You stayed quiet for the remainder of the car ride, only a small sound of confusion as he pulled into a half-empty parking lot of a local carnival. A young employee approached the car and gave Taehyun a permitting nod, making you suspicious. He drove past the entrance gate and straight into a private space, parking next to a dinky, old ice cream truck. The space was close to a nearby forest, a bit too secluded for your taste.

“So you’re going to kill me,” you observed, scanning the dark environment around you.

He rolled his eyes. “No.”

“That’s what a murderer would say,” you mumbled.

You were so stubborn, he knew that, yet he still let out an exasperated sigh. He frowned and climbed out of his car, shuffling to your side, only to find you were already halfway out. You didn’t say anything, choosing to send another hard glare his way instead.

He headed in the direction of the carnival—not the forest—and gestured you to follow him. You trailed behind, ignoring the damp mud that stuck to the bottom of your cheap shoes. You felt a bit overdressed, but when you glanced at Taehyun, you felt better. However, the more you thought about it, his outfit likely cost more than your college tuition, putting a slight dent in your ego. You focused your attention on the glowing moon instead of him, and when he turned to look at you, he was in awe. You seemed peaceful, or at least, not as pissed.

It was nice.

He led you down to the middle of the fair where you saw a crowd gathered around a massive dunk tank. He seemed antsy, constantly shifting his weight and picked at the hem of his costly shirt. He momentarily abandoned your side and walked to the dunk tank operator, speaking briefly before grabbing a bucket filled of unknown stuff.

When he walked back, you stared curiously at the bucket which was full of heavy baseballs. “This is my apology.”

Vague.

As if he read your mind, he gently placed his hand on your shoulder and turned you to face the tank, pointing directly at the chair above the pool. “I’m going to be sitting on that chair. Your job is to throw them,” he gestured over to the bullseye, “at the target, until I’m submerged.”

You couldn’t suppress your smile. He was right, this was an apology you’d accept, an apology in the form of embarrassment. Smart boy.

He didn’t necessarily look forward to ruining his cashmere sweater, but he would’ve done anything to make it up to you, and your bright smile told him he was on the right path. You let out a light laugh, picking up a baseball and tossing it carelessly.

He spared you a final glance before shuffling off to his fate. He seemed to garner a lot of attention, the crowd had grown significantly larger since you first arrived. You held the ball in your hand as he climbed onto the chair—you were arguably a little too excited to send him into the cold, cold water. He seemed shaky, but you didn’t care. You threw the ball with no hesitation.

Strike one. You missed by a long shot.

He suppressed a laugh. You shook your body, ridding yourself of any anxiousness before trying once more.

Strike two. You were closer. Barely.

You had an unlimited amount of attempts, but the longer you failed, the more embarrassed you felt. He now seemed comfortable... prideful, even. Your face was flushed red from humiliation, but you tried to keep it from affecting you as you threw once more, this time, significantly more aggressive.

Strike three. This was outright shameful.

“C’mon, you can do better than that…” he baited. He couldn’t help but tease, it didn’t matter that you were on a date. The crowd let out a collective laugh. You scoffed indignantly, cracking your neck and back, your stare darkening. You were about to hit the winning shot, he knew it. He loosened his grip on the chair and leaned forward.

“I’m sorry,” he mouthed.

The longing, heartfelt expression in his eyes had you flustered. You nodded understandingly, reeling in his genuine apology, and flashing him a sympathetic, sincere smile before throwing the baseball straight at the bullseye, sending him (and his expensive outfit) straight into the tank.

You pumped a fist in the air as the crowd cheered. He emerged from the stale water, completely drenched. He shook hair away from his eyes before climbing from the tank and into a changing room, but not before finding your figure in the crowd. You wore a gentle, soft smile; for the first time, you looked at him with something other than hatred.

It gave him hope.

After changing, he appeared by your side as the crowd slowly dispersed, dressed a lot more comfortably. He changed into a pair of fitted (and designer, you just knew it) joggers and a clean, simple sweatshirt, pulled together with a silver chain hanging from his neck. He went from runway to streetwear yet he managed to look absolutely fantastic and it irked you. He seemed expectant yet nervous, constantly shifting his feet and biting his bottom lip. He needed reassurance and suddenly, you weren’t hesitant to provide it.

After a minute of painful silence, you conceded. “I forgive you.”

A deep sigh of relief escaped him. He’d practically been holding his breath since that day and all of a sudden, this weight had been lifted off his chest. A wave of solace washed over him, “Thank god. I didn’t know what I would’ve done if that didn’t work.”

You giggled softly. He short-circuited for a mere second; being the cause of your melodious laugh had him speechless. It was all new to him. Your laugh was so sweet, soft, and a drastic contrast from the person he was used to. He yearned to hear it again.

You peered up at him without saying a word.

He coughed awkwardly. “Right, uh, that didn’t take long at all. Let’s get you home, this was a waste of your time, I’m so sorry,” he rambled, turning in the direction of his car. You tilted your head questioningly. The night was still young and you had no interest in going back home. You were pleasantly surprised, all it took was a simple apology for your hidden, buried feelings to surface, though you knew how hard it was for him to apologize. Maybe that’s why you were so easy to forgive. You reached for his sleeve and gently tugged him back, “You asked me out on a date, so let’s do it.”

Going on an actual date was the last thing he expected. His plan for the night was to pick you up, try his best not to offend you more than he already had, and get dunked into some dirty, stale water. Of course he couldn’t refuse, seeing as his heart nearly soared from his chest. He nodded eagerly, “Y-yeah! Yeah! Okay, let’s have a date. Okay, uh, this is a carnival, right? I have to win you a plushie then, that’s just basic, carnival date knowledge. That’s the rule.”

You snorted. “Can’t break the rules then.”

He led you on over to the strength machine, eager to showcase his brawn—he hoped to impress you. His boyish mentality made you laugh, as endearing as it was, you couldn’t help but find it primitive and a bit childish. Nonetheless, you indulged him. He fished change from his wallet and you couldn’t help but notice the shiny, heavy, black card sitting comfortable in his wallet’s compartment; you suppressed an instinctual eye roll. He held the massive hammer in hand, attempting to hide the fact that it slightly weighed him down, despite his muscular build. He flashed you a confident wink before raining the hammer down on the target, sending the marker less than halfway up the pole. You coughed in an attempt to hide your laughter, you didn’t want to embarrass him, he’d already been dunked into a tank of mucky water.

He stood dumbfounded, “Okay, this is rigged.”

“Mhm, right.”

“Fine, hotshot. Give it a whirl then,” he challenged. You raised an eyebrow cockily, yanking the hammer from his hand. It was simple, all you had to do was send the marker higher than his. You smugly grinned before trying your luck, the marker barely rising an inch.

He slapped his knee and cackled. You were offended.

“This is rigged,” you mumbled.

“S’ok, love. There’s plenty of other stuff to do that isn’t rigged,” he encouraged, throwing a side eye at the gamer operator who simply shrugged in return. He slung an arm around your shoulder, choosing not to dwell on the way his heartbeat sped, “Let’s go get you a prize.”

· ──────────────────── ·

For him to win you a singular prize, it took a game of whack-a-mole, a shared slice of pizza, a tuft of cotton candy, a vigorous pep talk, and sprinkle of beginner’s luck. It was a cheap, funky-looking ring, but you wore it with the utmost pride.

You both talked excessively, really getting to know each other, and with each new detail, he fell harder. Your shy smile, adorable laugh, witty sense of humor… they were all just a bonus. Normally, you weren’t one to fall, if at all, but you found yourself going against your instinct and doing just that. In hindsight, though, it’d been a long time coming. He was hesitant to initiate any sort of skinship, considering you’d forgiven him an hour prior, but you proved opposite after you mindlessly reached for his hand the second you spotted your favorite ride.

“The spinning teacup! That’s a must!” You both felt the spark from the contact, it was unmistakable, but you both chose not to say anything. He let you drag him over, despite his aversion to the particular ride; he just couldn’t say no.

“Fine, but promise me you won’t spin fast.”

“Pinky promise.”

As the cup turned, albeit at snail pace, he admired the light wind that flowed delicately through your hair. You had a certain aura, he couldn’t help but notice. It was enchanting. The moonlight kissed your skin beautifully, it had him watching in infatuated awe.

“You’re staring.”

“Pssh, I’m not staring.” You eyed him and he crinkled his nose, “Fine, I was staring. I can’t help it, you’re beautiful.”

He didn’t know where the sudden confidence came from, perhaps it was just the motion sickness, but he didn’t regret it. You turned away from him, clearly flustered, and it made him smile. The ride ended quicker than he expected, but it was a welcomed relief, considering his well-being. The second he stepped from the cup, he fell to the floor.

“I barely spun the cup! It turned, like, a mile an hour!”

“I’m sensitive! I get sick easily.” He lifted himself off the ground, just slightly, continuing with a corny joke. “Look at me on the floor, I guess some might say… I fell for you.”

You snorted, not at the cheesy line, but the aggressive finger-gun that accompanied it. He tried to wink but failed, immediately hunching over from the queasy feeling in his stomach, “Oh my God, I’m going to die.”

He made an ugly, inhuman noise.

“Jesus Christ. Are you okay?”

“No, it’s fine, I’m great. I just think it’s my time to go.”

He reminded you a lot of Kai—both of them had an affinity for being overly dramatic.

You rubbed his back soothingly. He felt so embarrassed, but the feeling was overshadowed by the sickly feeling. You continued caressing, making sure to glare at anyone that dared judge him. You crouched down until you were eye level and brushed his hair from his forehead, giving him a small smile. At that moment, he could’ve sworn you were an angel of some sort. He felt better instantly.

“I’ll be fine, I’ll be fine,” he insisted, waving his hand carelessly, telling you not to worry.

“Let’s just head home. I’ll have Kai pick us up, he’ll definitely do it.” You paused, crinkling your forehead in thought, “Scratch that, he just got his license and ran over a cone yesterday.”

He stood up slowly, waving his hand once more. “In the recipe for a perfect carnival date, the ferris wheel is a must.”

You didn’t like where he was going with that.

“You’re going to hurl if we go on that. For real, this time.”

He rested his hand atop his heart. “I won’t! I swear.”

“I don’t know...”

He laced his hand with your own and pulled you to the carnival’s main attraction. He fiddled with the ring on your finger, proudly glancing at it every once in a while.

Just your luck, a slightly younger couple was paired with you on the ferris wheel. The ride operator shoved the four of you into the cramped, tiny compartment, ignoring the silent plea Taehyun sent her way. The other couple sat hesitantly with a noticeable distance between them, awkwardly shifting every now and then. The young men—one blond, one with raven black hair—stayed quiet and you couldn’t help but think they were also on their first date. They often glanced at each other but didn’t talk and Taehyun had to hide his amusement. All four of you simmered in uncomfortable silence for a good portion of the ride.

Taehyun unconsciously threw an arm around your shoulder and pulled you close as you laid your head on his shoulder. It was a subtle display of affection that made you blush, but he didn’t notice. Out of the corner of his eyes, Taehyun watched the blond boy copy his movement, just significantly clumsier—the poor boy accidentally smacked his boyfriend square on the nose. It took a lot for Taehyun (and you) to suppress an amused laugh.

“Oh my God! I’m so sorry,” whispered the blond. His boyfriend let out a small, nervous laugh, “It’s okay.”

The black-haired boy gently rubbed his nose before reaching for his boyfriend’s hand—a simple compromise. The blond avoided eye contact with you and Taehyun, choosing to shift his gaze to the carnival below. The black-haired boy spoke first, “We’re kind of… new to dating.”

The blond cringed, still looking at the fair, before nodding in agreement. You giggled at the obvious tension, quickly comforting, “It’s cute! You two seem like an adorable couple.”

The couple smiled fondly at each other. The blond squeezed his boyfriend’s hand reassuringly and it made you smile. They seemed so in love, you were swooning. The remainder of the ride was silent and the couple chose to get off the ride after the first go-around. The blond meekly nodded his head in Taehyun’s direction and your boy gently returned the gesture with a shy, caring smile.

As soon as they were out of earshot, you both broke into a fit of laughter, “Oh my God! He was totally copying you, that’s adorable!”

Taehyun gushed, “They both were so flustered! Too cute.”

You both spent the next go-around giggling, conversing about nothing, and sharing sweet, longing gazes. The carnival beneath you slowly began shutting down, each area turning their lighting off one by one. You kept your hand laced with his and while you glanced down the dying fair, he lovingly gazed at you.

“I guess that’s our cue to leave.” You gestured below. He trained his gaze to the lack of vivid lighting around the carnival and sighed, “Yeah, I guess so.”

He squeezed your hand tighter. You didn’t want to part from him so soon and he shared your exact sentiment.

· ──────────────────── ·

As Taehyun pulled into your driveway, you instantly spotted Kai’s silhouette lurking in your bedroom window.

“Jesus Christ,” you grumbled.

Kai had spent his night waiting for you to come home, eager to hear your nightmarish tale. He planned to head to his house and simply wait for your inevitable call, but when he left to grab takeout, he found himself straying back to your house. Your mother must’ve let him in, granted he was also gifted a key and he used it regularly. Your mind suddenly short-circuited by the feeling of Taehyun’s hand atop your own. If you noticed his tremble and clamminess, you didn’t mention it.

He cleared his throat, “Let me walk you to your door.”

You sheepishly nodded, anxious to speak. If yesterday, someone had told you you would be this shy at the end of the night, you would’ve laughed in their face. He rushed to open your door and you let him, much to his surprise, without any snarky remark. The short distance to your front door didn’t stop him from holding your hand, leaving you a giggly, flustered mess.

You could practically feel Kai’s smirk.

Taehyun stood awkwardly, frequently shifting his weight, while you nervously picked at your fingernail, both waiting for the other to break the silence. He took the first leap of faith, “I had a great time tonight, I hope you did too.”

You were too focused on his calloused thumb tracing soothing circles along the back of your hand, making you lose your train of thought, “Yeah! Yes! So fun!”

You winced at your overly enthusiastic response. The luminous light, hanging haphazardly above you did little to hide your anxiousness. He chuckled softly, glad he wasn’t the only nervous one, “That’s good to hear.”

“I’m sorry you nearly threw up.” You both cringed at the recent memory. He squeezed your hand reassuringly, “Don’t worry. Weirdly, that’s not the worst thing to happen to me on a date.”

You tilted your head curiously, you wished to hear his story. Frankly, you found yourself wishing to hear everything about him, but before anything, you needed to get some stuff off your own chest. “I’m also sorry about other stuff. I have more to apologize than you, even before the incident, I was always so abrasive and mean, and I want to apologize for that. And, I, uh, also kind of broke into your house… so obviously I’m sorry about that too. Not to mention, I thin—”

He placed his hand on your cheek and caressed softly, making you quiet. “It’s water under the bridge.”

You shyly smiled, looking away from his adoring gaze. He tried mustering up a cheesy line but he found himself losing focus, his eyes constantly straying to your lips; he couldn’t help it, he really wanted to kiss you. He sucked in a deep breath, gathering the courage to just do it, even though he knew you’d likely reject his advance. After all, it was just the first date and you only forgave him three hours ago.

Not to mention, Kai stole your phone to get Taehyun’s number just to inform him of your strict no-kiss policy.

He hesitantly brushed your hair behind your ear before leaning in slowly, his plush, attractive lips easily tempting you. Unfortunately for him, you kept to your rule. You splayed your hand across his chest before pushing him back gently, “Nice try, Romeo.”

He wasn’t surprised, it was a long shot anyways. He’d just regret it if he didn’t try. He nodded understandingly before leaning in once more, this time to place a gentle kiss to your forehead. You couldn’t hide the obvious blush that dusted your cheeks, making him grin. Maybe you weren’t as tough as you liked to seem.

He felt hopeful.

“So for our next date, I was thinking mini golf,” he said enthusiastically. His eyes sparkled with excitement; he seemed thrilled, you couldn’t help but giggle, “Easy there tiger, I don’t recall ever saying anything about a second date.”

He leaned in to plant a kiss on your cheek, pulling away only slightly to whisper, “I think I’ll be getting another date.”

He was right. He was definitely getting another date… and maybe, just maybe, you’d break your no-kiss rule.

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