#........anyway I'm cutting it here cuz I'm so tired

[starrybl1ss]

Vanessa comes tired and mad from work and you both get iinto a fight and she fucks you omfg plsplspls

YESSS!!!! ALSO I PUT ON THE PULLING TIE KINK FOR READER I JS LOVE THE IDEA LOL! i wrote this while innocently listening to taylor swift:3 anyways its a lil short cuz i gotta study:( im still in senior high (i started school late) and ik its still holidays but i have a lot to study thats why im starting to study a lil early for my finals<3

MDNI - Vanessa who is still in work and got called by her boss that her work isn't 'impressing enough'.

"Okay, so you mean im bad at my job?" She sits infront of her boss desk at the office. "Don't get me wrong miss shelly, its just that you should make your job a little more.... impressing"

"I'm sorry, i work hard, i really do. And your just here sayying i suck at my fucking job? Fuck this" she bangs on his desk and leaves his office.

Its 4 PM already, she goes outside of the office heading to her car. "not impressing enough?" She scoffs. "What a bitch" she opens the door of her car and slams the door as she goes inside.

She hits the pedal and zooms off in a bad mood.

She arrives home 15 minutes later opening the door. "Oh! Vanessa? Your... home already? I- i haven't made dinner yet -- you usually go home at 5..." you got up the sofa and puts down your phone.

She drops her stuff on the sofa. "You seriously haven't dinner yet?" She frowns. "M'sorry! I didn't know you'd come home early!"

"Its just an hour early y/n!" She yells as she sat down on the sofa holding her forehead as you stand infront of her. "I didn't fucking know. Okay? You could have texted me!"

"Don't you know im tired? all you do is sit around and do nothing!" she yelled. "whats your fucking problem ness?!" she stays silent. "won't you tell me?!" you said again as she avoided eye contact.

"m so tired, can you shut the fuck up?" she asks you. "ness, you fucking started it" you said with anger. "c'mere, im just in a bad moon kay?" you sit next to her looking at her with tears.

"yeah, i underst-" your words were cut off by her lips coliding with yours. she hold up you chin "im sorry for yelling at you, i didnt mean it baby..." her face softens.

she crawls on top of your body pinning you to the sofa and kisses you again. "im sorry okay?" she smiles. "i love you ness" you said. "i love you more baby"

You pulled her black tie and whispered in her ear. "ness..."

"yeah? need anything?" she asks. "i- need a, a lot" you replied. "really? you get turned on by me yelling at you?" you nod blushing from embarresment.

"well i'll give you want you want" she smirks. "b-but what about the f-food?" you asked. "just order some"

she unbuttons your shirt but not completely and pulls it down to your elbows. she didn't take off your bra but just lifted it up for good view. "Y'so pretty baby" she murmurs.

she then pulls down your sweatshorts. "wont be needin' that right?" without wasting time, she grabs the sides of your panties pulling it down to your knees.

you feel a sudden shock cause she slipped in one finger in your aching, wet cunt. "f-fuck" you groan out. "relax baby, its just one finger. s'not that bad"

she slips another finger in, curling them in. "nghhhhh- fuck!-" you moan. "im bout to-" she cuts off your words "babe, already?" you nod squinting your eyes.

"shiiiiittttttt...!" you groan out as you came on her fingers leaving her fingers sticky with your juices. "good girl" she praise as she licks her fingers clean.

<3

[gothic-thoughts]

Different I Love You

(I heard the rumors, Gojo Simps. So here's some happiness.)

Gojo Satoru x Black Fem Reader Fluff

DomesticAU, Drabble

TW: None

"I'm baack~!"

 Silence. I pout a little as I lock the door behind me and walk into the kitchen area.

"Baby girl?" I put down the paper bag on the counter, "Your favorite boy is home~!"

 The continuous silence made me frown before walking upstairs. I open our bedroom door to see (Y/n) fast asleep with her arms wrapped around my pillow on my side of the bed. Aww, and she swears she hates me. I'd let her sleep but I don't wanna. I tiptoe to the bed, lean over and vigorously shake her awake until she yells at me.

"Hi~ Miss me?"

 She threw my pillow at my face and groans when it hits the infinity around me. I laugh, tossing it back on the bed and sitting on the bed to spoon her into me feeling her skin heat up my cool body, leaving her with goosebumps and a slight shiver. I pepper her neck and right cheek with light kisses before squeezing her tightly to my body.

"It's wild how even when you're annoying as hell I manage to miss you anyway." She mumbles groggily, "What the hell are you even doing here, I thought you were gonna be in Japan for a couple more days."

"You know who you're talking to? Of course I handled a couple curses in less than two weeks."

"Itadori and Megumi helped didn't they?"

"Maybe...but-they-didn't-have-to!"

"Uh huh. What about that time when--"

  I attacked her face and forehead with kisses to shush her from saying anymore nonsense until she finally pushed me away.

"Come back here." I chuckle before cutting it off with a gasp, "Oh wait! I bought you something!"

"Really?! From Japan?"

"No from Italy, yes Japan! Let's go!"

"Is that why you woke me up?"

"Yes, cuz it can't wait! C'mon."

 I throw her over my shoulder, listening to her ramble about being tired and how badly she doesn't wanna move. Like I wasn't the one moving her, she'll be fine. She'll be even better when I show her what I got! Once in the kitchen, I gently place (Y/n) on her feet.

"Boom! Open it!"

 She looked between me and the brown paper bag and I nodded with a wide smile, assuring her it wasn't one of my pranks. She squints.

"It's not! Would I do that to you as soon as I got back?"

"Yes, absolutely."

"Babe, just loook~"

 She sucks her teeth and looks inside the bag before turning back at me with her jaw dropped and her eyes wide. She quickly pulled out the 2 of the three containers of ice cream mochi in each hand with a bright smile. 

"Aww...Satoru...."

"I got them in the airport in Japan. And before you say anything, it's two containers of strawberry and a case of cookies and cream."

"Aw, Toru~ This is so sweet."

"I accept my payment in kisses, so go ahead."

"I cannot believe you woke me up for this."

"It woulda melted!"

"It should be melted, you got it before getting on a 14 hour flight! An besides we have a freezer."

"It was important! Just try some!"

"It's all goopy, lemme freeze it for a minute."

"(Y/n), please! I never ask you for anything!"

"That's cap."

"JUST TRY SOME!"

 She quickly opens the small tub of ice cream and happily bites into one of the strawberry-flavored mochi. She hums in content while I clapped like a kid.

"It's melted!"

"But is it good?"

She rolls her eyes at me with a chuckle, "It is good." She puts both the tubs into our freezer. "How much was this anyway? I hope it wasn't too much."

"It's fine, it was about 2500 yen."

"What, 2500?! Wait, how much is that?"

"Relax it's about 25 dollars here. It's not that much."

"Oh good, I almost felt the need to pay you back."

"I mean, I haven't gotten my payment yet."

"Ohh, right. You mean this?"

 She grabbed my shirt and made me bend down for a tender kiss from her. Our lips were cold from the ice cream but the kiss itself warmed my soul after such a long time away from her. Before I knew she pulled away with a smile but I wasn't done.

[rrr-is-gay]

RRR ON-SCREEN KISS OPPORTUNITIES, rated for her pleasure

1. Immediately following the fisher boy rescue. They go onto the dock and kinda embrace one another but fail to kiss. Not okay. 3/10

2. The thigh touch scene. Come onnnnn, I know they’re talking about Sita, but they coulda squeezed a lil kissy kiss in there, if they had any courage at all. 8/10

3. RAMBHEEM SQUAT WORKOUT. Not exactly the ideal shot for an onscreen kiss; we’d need to get a little creative with the camera work to keep it cohesive. But it would be the literal hottest thing EVER, so I hate that it isn’t real. 8/10

4. MAKEOVER SCENE!!!!!!!!!!!! This one demands a kiss, multiple times! The beard trim? Pop a lil kiss on his nose, Ram! The hair treatment? Kiss his forehead! Changing his shirt? Bheem, give’m a nice lil smooch! It’s practically canon, the camera just cuts too quickly for us to see it. 10/10, peak kiss opportunity.

5. Pre-Naatu. How fucking SWAG would it be for them to just pop the fastest lil kiss on each other’s lips RIGHT at the moment they dunk on Jake for not knowing Naatu? This precise moment, when Bheem twirls around and Ram puts his arm on his shoulder? KISS!! 6/10

6. Post-Naatu piggyback ride. Would have loved to see Bheem kiss Ram’s cheek here. Totally ungrateful that he doesn’t. Wtf Bheem. 9/10

7. Sopping fucking wet. Bheem could totally pop a quick kiss onto Ram's lips before administering the antidote here. He's all up in Ram's face anyway, tending to him, caring for him, healing him. A nice kiss would help!!!!!!! 7/10

8. MARRIAGE CEREMONY. Bheem. BHEEM. You adorn your lover with the holy thread of your tribe, but don’t seal the deal with a kiss?? Maybe he thinks it’s dubcon cuz Ram is basically unconscious. Would’ve loved a kiss here, but I respect the consent king. 4/10

9. REVEAL YOURSELF TO ME IN BED. Bheem could have AT LEAST kissed Ram’s hands here, I mean wtf!!!!!! You think you might die tonight, and you could be saying goodbye forever, and you DON’T kiss????? 10/10, scene incomplete without a tender smooch.

10. Devastating fight. Bheem could’ve gone out on a limb here and really brought Ram back to reality if he’d gone in for a kiss. A bold move, yes, but not out of character for Bheem. 3/10

11. Pain, pain paaaaiiinnnn. Ram is more devastated in this moment than he’s ever been in his entire life. He would absolutely kiss Bheem’s head while holding his limp body in his arms. Only gets a pass cuz Ram is still undercover and a kiss would’ve given him away. 2/10

12. Hand nuzzle. CANON, I TELL YOU!!!! It’s CANON that Bheem kisses Ram’s hand here! It was only cut from the film because of homophobia! 11/10

13. Burn this lanka down. Okay. It’s one swift move to pull Ram out from the cell and onto Bheem’s shoulders. So a kiss on the lips couldn’t work. But Ram could, and should, totally kiss Bheem’s head right here. And Bheem should kiss Ram’s wrist! The fight can wait one millisecond!!! JUST KISS ALREADY! 8/10

14. Bridal carry. A nice swift peck from Ram to Bheem would really boost both of their morale right here. And it's such a brief shot, I'm sure the kiss happened, we just didn't get to see it. Once again, homophobia. 9/10

15. CANON CANON CANON CANON. I don’t wanna hear ANY debate or disagreement on this one, you little freaks! They DO kiss here! I can see the intention in Bheem’s eyes! That slow lean inward!!!! He’s about to kiss this man smack on the lips!!!! And Ram is so tired, but he’s BLISSFULLY here for it! He’s flat on his back, ready for Bheem’s plush lips to smother his right NOW! HEAL THIS MAN WITH YOUR SWEET KISS, BHEEM!!!! 10000000000/10

16. Phallic rifle. Would love a nice little makeout sesh right here in front of Governor Scott. How fucking badass would that be? Not a little peck either, I want them to get really filthy for a minute, because they’ve earned it! Grip that rifle and stick your tongues in each other’s mouths! Come on, the movie’s almost over! What have you got to lose?! 9/10

17. “What can I offer you in return?” “KISS ME!” This really is the last chance for these two men to show us how they really feel. I get that it’s kinda awkward in front of their friends and family, but it’s all worth it just to make Jenny uncomfortable. (Why is she there?????) Oh wait, Sita’s there too. Meh. I still want them to smooch. 7/10

18. Etthara Jenda! Dance, smile, skip, cheer, KISS! This song is all about victory and pride. Wouldn’t an onscreen kiss just be the cherry on top?! I think so. 9/10

[magical-regical]

Continuing my L&DS hyperfixation but also because Owl City just released a new single, here are some owl city songs that remind me of each LI and Caleb

Go under the cut if you want some extremely long commentary on why I picked the songs I did. If you don't care what I have to say, please peruse this TLDR;

Xavier: If My Heart Was a House

Zayne: Car Trouble

Rafayel: My Muse, Rainbow Veins

Caleb: Hot Air Balloon, The Bird and The Worm

Ah you're still here. A few disclaimers before you continue:

Whenever I mention MC in this, I will be using she/her pronouns.

I haven't listened to every owl city song in existence and some songs didn't stick with me the way the songs listed here did so if you think my takes are garbage and I'm a big dumb stupid idiot for not considering the song you're thinking of, uh, feel free to make your own post abt it.

I know sweet f a abt music theory so I'm just going based off vibes and lyrics not composition.

I haven't read Xavier's or Zayne's myth stories to completion and haven't read Rafayel's at all.

Anyway, without further ado, enjoy my lukewarm takes.

Xavier

This song makes me so soft and it's way too easy to imagine Xavier and MC dancing to this. The first lines sound like he's reminiscing of the time he had with MC in her past lives,

You're the sky that I fell through, and I remember the view whenever I'm holding you

The sun hung from a string, looking down on the world as it warmed over everything.

Chills run down my spine as our fingers entwine and your sighs harmonize with mine.

Unmistakably, I can still feel your heart beat fast when you dance with me.

He pulls her in closer as the first pre-chorus plays. And the two pre-chorus' in this song sound like a conversation between him and his memory of past!MC.

The first one:

We got older and I should've known,

Do you feel alive?

That I'd feel colder when I walk alone

Oh, but you'll survive

The second one:

I walk slowly when I'm on my own

Do you feel alive?

Yea but frankly, I still feel alone.

Oh, but you'll survive

And then the chorus hits and the vibes are immaculate. It feels like you're floating on air and imagine how Xavier looks at MC when the last few lines play,

Risk it all 'cuz I'll catch you if you fall,

Wherever you go,

If my heart was a house, you'd be home.

Because she is the celestial body that orbits around him, his north, his guiding star, and his heart will always be her home.

Zayne

And you can't convince me this isn't one of the songs that plays at their wedding.

This is the catalyst of this post's creation. As of writing this, it's the newest single and I am obsessed with it. So strap in folks, I have a lot to say.

First of all, the first thirty seconds of this song was released as a preview titled 'Floppy Fish' that came out ten years ago and we didn't hear anything else about it until suddenly we get a tweet about it four days ago (as of writing this part) and then this masterpiece. I think it reflects Zayne and MCs relationship quite well, they were childhood friends, lost contact for a while, and now they're reunited to build another beautiful relationship.

On to the song itself, the overall song is about going back to see the person you love even through all sorts of car troubles. The car theme immediately screamed 'Zayne' to me because out of all the boys we see him drive MC around the most.

It's a very upbeat song which contrasts Zayne's stoic personality but the whole song is something I can imagine actually happening to him.

I see the first verse as Zayne trying his damndest to finish up work instead of having actual car troubles,

I've been driving all afternoon, but I hate to say it, I won't be there soon = him working all afternoon and still having to do overtime

And though I'm late you know I just can't wait to come home to my slice of heaven on toast.

But my GrandPrix broke down without fail, another flat tire and another nail = the 'tire' being the hearts he has to operate on and 'another nail' referring to his surgeon's tools (even though the nail in the song is the thing that broke the tire in the first place not the thing fixing the flat)

I miss your smile but this could take a while 'cause this 'road closed' sign says there's no way around. = he can't just ditch work, obviously.

The second verse and chorus is him actually running out of gas on his way back from Akso and just describes his situation. Walking through the rain, only stopping to buy flowers for her.

Hey, it's kinda crazy what daisies jasmines can do.

And then these lines from the third verse,

I'd hand you a coffee right when you woke up

and

... all I find is all these highways wind and lead back to my slice of heaven on toast.

are so cute. Especially the 'slice of heaven on toast' thing since I imagine a slice of heaven on toast would taste sweet.

But wait, it gets better. Because the chorus that comes after goes,

Oh would your heart kind of glow if I held your hand and I promised to stay home?

Hey, when I blow in that's the first thing I'll do

It might take me forever

It might take me forever

But I love you forever and I can't wait to see you.

I'm dead. I'm deceased. I am a puddle of goo on the ground.

The bridge is the most upbeat part of the song and I imagine that's when he gets a call from MC because she's worried about him. Because honestly the line, 'Am I unavoidably detained or extremely fashionably late?' sounds like the kind of dry humor he'd enjoy.

And the song ends as he hangs up and continues his long journey on public transport to come home to her.

Rafayel

Now, fish boy gets two songs because I associate each one with what I like to call 'light mode' and 'dark mode' Rafayel.

I chose both songs because they had like, a lot of imagery involved in them and lean heavily into his whole artist job. So this isn't going to be as in depth as Zayne's lol.

Anyway,

This is light mode Rafayel. The whole song is him talking to MC. He's all happy-go-lucky and filled with inspiration. With how important color is to his current career the song just felt perfect.

The chorus also adds a few nice tidbits of his character,

Cheer up and dry your damp eyes, and tell me when it rains

And I'll blend up that rainbow above you and shoot it through your veins

'Cause your heart has a lack of color and we should've known

That we'd grow up sooner or later, 'cause we wasted all our free time alone

The first two lines sound like something he'd actually say when he's trying to comfort MC.

The line 'we wasted all our free time alone' sticks out to me because you ever notice this guy doesn't have any friends? Like, Xavier has Jeremiah and the countless old people he's made friends with when they're in their youth and Zayne has his coworkers at the hospital and his old profs. Raffy doesn't really have anyone like that? Sure he has Thomas and his Aunt Talia but judging by how fast they hung up on him after barely wishing him a happy birthday, I can't in good conscience call them his friends.

So yea maybe our boy was so focused on finding MC again he wasted all his free time alone.

Then we have dark mode Rafayel. And no I don't mean dark as in Rafayel when he's in revenge plot mode (whatever that is I don't have enough brain cells to comprehend what his plan could possibly be). I mean dark mode as in it's quite literally night time and he is left with nothing but his own thoughts. MC fell asleep at his place again and he's wistfully staring at her sleeping figure. This is the song in those moments.

Like Xavier, he's reminiscing about the past lives and past MCs. He's remembering the first time he met and the moment he decided she was the one. She was his bride. He's listing all the things he loves about her (which basically boils down to 'everything!'). She is his muse, now and forever.

And then the song ends with:

So I'll say it now before we're at the door that someday we'll walk through,

And if I'm the only one left in the room...

There's nowhere else I'd rather be than home with you.

Do you hear that? That's the sound of my heart cracking in two. He will sing you this last line as he pulls you closer, pressing your forehead against his before giving you a nice, long kiss.

Honorable mention goes to the song 'Sunburn' because it's about meeting someone, falling in love, and having to separate in the end (hence, 'she got a tan and I got a sunburn' and 'as we parted ways, she held my gaze and left an imprint on my mind'). I could go deeper and analyze each line like I did w/ Zayne but I've kept the Caleb girlies waiting long enough so we'll stop Raffy's part here.

Caleb

Caleb also gets two songs I chose two songs that have heavy 'childhood friends to lovers' vibes and fitting imagery and I told myself this one was gonna be short and sweet because we don't have as much depth abt his relationship w/ the MC compared to the current LIs but welp, I lied.

'Hot Air Balloon' is the most childhood friends song ever. Every single lyric is just every adventure these two went on when they were children. Writing their own fairy tales, making a racetrack around the kitchen chairs, going on a picnic to a nearby lake and getting a stomachache because you drank lake water even though Grandma Josephine told you specifically not to do that, the list just goes on and on.

It's them. It's little MC and Caleb with lightning in their veins and stars in their eyes as they explore the world around them, not a care in the world because the possibilities are quite literally endless when they have the other person by their side.

And then if 'Hot Air Balloon' was 'childhood friends—', 'The Bird And The Worm' adds on the '—to lovers' part of the trope.

I mean the entire first verse reads like the two kids playing pretend (because let's face it you've had one or two weirdly morbid play pretend sessions when you were a kid) with little Caleb saying he's the bird because of his evol and then little MC's like "then what does that make me?" And little Caleb's like "you're the worm ofc!"

Esp the part about throwing a party and greeting undersea friends (hi Raffy). I could imagine little MC telling little Caleb how she's going to invite the mermaid she made friends with at the beach to their 'party' and Caleb just not having any of it.

I'll throw a party and greet my undersea friends

(it depends)

As they arrive,

(if they arrive)

Then the chorus reads like a time skip. They're adults reminiscing about their childhood at one of the rare moments their schedules align,

You and I left our troubles far behind,

But I still have just one more question on my mind

For all my pals who live in the oceans and the seas

With friends like these well, who needs enemies?

In that moment they're back to being just MC and Caleb, not a hunter and a fighter pilot. And the last two lines sound like they're trading workplace gossip. Caleb tells her about the shenanigans his colleagues get up to and MC telling him about all the...'quirky' people she's been running into (hi Xav) and then being cheeky and going 'with friends like these, who needs enemies?'

And then you move to the second verse and it's them on a date. It's them on the most damn wholesome date you can imagine, I'm sorry I don't make the rules.

Like first they go apple picking,

If I'm your boy, we'll take a short cut we remember and we'll enjoy—

—picking apples in late September like we've done for years.

We'll take a long walk through the cornfield and I'll kiss you between the ears.

Then they come home and cook together (maybe make a pie with the apples they just picked or some other apple based dish?),

And as we twirl, the glow in the dark stars on your ceiling will shine for us

If you're my girl, swirl me around your room with feeling

As love sweeps over the room cuz' we tend to make, each other blush

(you make me blush)

They're so used to each other's presence even in a kitchen that can be considered a little cramped, they can perfectly navigate around each other.

After the two had eaten a delicious dinner, they are now cuddled on the couch with a blanket over the two of them, some movie playing on the TV. MC starts nodding off so Caleb picks her up and moves her to the bedroom, letting her snuggle against him. He brushes some loose strands of hair away so he can kiss her forehead,

"Love ya pipsqueak, sleep well."

And before drifting off he hears MC mumble a sleepy "I love you too..."

And that's how their perfect day ends.

You're the bird, I'm the worm and it's plain to see,

That we were meant to be.

----------------------------------------------------------

Author's rambling

Haaaa, I finally finished it yay! If you're reading this, thanks for reading this far! (or if you're a Caleb stan and just decided to read his part only, hello!)

I hope you enjoyed my takes. This was fun, I loved breaking down each song and just rambling my heart out over why each song gives me vibes for which character.

[averygayplant]

You ever think about how, like,

themes of abandonment and found family and breaking cycles and loss and grief and realizing that having emotions is okay and that bettering yourself as a person upon realizing than you're more than your generational trauma and just overall that learning and growing from past mistakes is normal just...

Run rampant, in Ninjago?

Cuz like,

I sure fucking do-

Like-

Lloyd is the obvious example, right? He tried to continue Garmadon's legacy as an evil and deeply feared dark prince of pure evil and it just didn't work out. Instead, he broke that cycle. He created a place for himself in a dysfunctional family of other runaways and orphans and ambitious children who set out to be more than they were told they could be, found a strange team of people who all cared in their own unique ways, and ended up being exactly the opposite of everything he thought he was destined to be

Which comes with it's own problems. Cut to later, closer to the end of the series, and by then you've gotten to a point where most, if not all of Lloyd's traumas are from misdirected anger and violence, actions based in blind rage and seeking vengeance as closure. Lloyd's worst fear is being just like his dad, but... that's not quite it, is it? He's afraid of anger and how it consumes people, afraid of how easily it blinds others. He's afraid of allowing himself to feel anger because he doesn't want to be like everyone he's ever been forced to deal with on that level, and it ties into how seasons 9 and 16 both resolved.

But that.

That's just Lloyd briefly summarized.

It continues.

Zane is another good example. He had no idea who he was for a good long time, and yet he too found a new home for himself among others who seemed just as aimless, had Wu not come along and offered them his training. Even when he did find out, the others just suddenly had a lot of context to the weird things he would do and moved the fuck on, like, that fast. So fucking fast. It wasn't an issue.

But let me stop you right there.

It was usually used in gags, but it's emphasis repeatedly that Zane's primary objective is and always has been to protect others.

Translation: He was built and programmed to have a savoir complex UNRIVALED, and that makes itself PRETTY DAMN APPARENT, PRETTY DAMN FAST. Like, do I even need to give you examples? Zane actively puts himself in harms way SO OFTEN that he literally, no shit, HAS A REOCCURRING THEME THAT SIGNALS GREAT HARM HAS BEFALLEN HIM.

It's never said directly, but Zane puts himself into a lot of dangerous situations under the logic that it's better him than anyone else, his skin is made of metal and thus he's harmed the least. Which is. So bad. Like, I really hope I don't have to explain how bad that is, because wow.

This never really goes away, but he does get a lot better at thinking about the risk certain actions pose to himself. Just based on his actions during early crystallized, he now prioritizes the well being of his family above all else- even with his emotions turned so low that he's effectively only capable of taking the most logical of approaches. Breaking into the high security cell to release one of the highest priority villains of the city? That has no rhyme or reason, nor does it ensure the safety of the city- it actively endangers it.

And yet.

He does it anyway. Because of Nya.

Zane is fucking built different bro. Literally.

Oh, I'm sorry, did you think I was done?

Idiot.

...I mean, I am done, I'm tired and it's late and I have shit to do in the morning, but I could go on. I could. Cole and Harumi and Kai and pretty much everyone are sweating in their fucking boots right now.

I probably will.

...Later, when I have more time.

TL;DR:

Basically, Ninjago is a fucking masterpiece and should really sacrifice their PG rating to explore some of these topics a touch better because DAMN THERE'S POTENTIAL HERE

[bumblingbabooshka]

Hi welcome backk :] I’m currently hyperfixating on art history + Tuvok so here’s some Renaissance - 19th century paintings that I think Tuvok (especially Tuvok the way you characterize him :) would serve cunt in: Fra Fillippo Lippi - Madonna With Child Enthroned With Two Angels, Georges de La Tour - The Penitent Magdalen, John Singer Sargent - Madame X (Madame Pierre Gautreau) (bonus points cuz of the history of the painting) Thank you for your time :)

Sketches! Thoughts on each Below (I don't know art history)

Madame X: The difference between the woman's very pale skin and the deep black of her dress is striking. She's also the only thing really in frame - even the background is just a color. Looking back on it I wish I'd chosen a different color for the background so Tuvok's skin looked more striking. If I redo this I definitely will since her skin being the only 'pale' thing is part of what (to me) makes her so immediately striking. Currently in my piece that 'point of interest' has become the white robes which wasn't my intention. But the fact that they're so fancy makes it seem like it might be, hehe...if this was an assignment for a class or something I'd definitely lie and say it was. Anyway since Tuvok has dark skin I didn't want to keep the clothes black since to me it wouldn't have the same 'Madame X' appeal. So I changed his robes to be white to contrast his skin and also made them less revealing because I don't think Tuvok wears very revealing outfits....usually very covered up and layered. So again I wanted to change the appeal - you can't really see any part of his body so you focus on the face instead, even though the face isn't focusing on you. I picture this as a younger version of Tuvok at some sort of function. The 'bunny ears' at the top of his head mimic Madame X's hairpin(?) but also bring to mind a Vulcan Priestess.

The Penitent Magdalene: Tuvok's most associated color (to me) being purple made this drawing again a bit ... mmm -tilts hand so so- The red in the originally really warmed the piece and was very eye catching. There was more of a sense of the candle's glow. I thought about using his security yellow but I thought it'd be too samey with the golds and browns and I wanted to signify that this is a private, personal moment. I drew this while thinking about the scene where Tuvok places a candle in his window for Kes after her ascension. Quiet mourning. We don't see his face because he's Vulcan and it's assumed he's struggling with emotion. Even the mirror doesn't show his face - it shows the candle, symbolic of his affection for Kes and his grief at her having gone. It burns bright. On the floor is his Starfleet badge, pointing him out but useless. This visage of dark and quiet sorrow is cut through slightly by light from the next and last piece. Madonna with Child, Two Angels: Of course Tuvok's angels and his children are one in the same. In the original piece, the child is able to touch its mother but in this one she's just out of reach. Tuvok is similarly not looking at or embracing the child - in this piece it's because he cannot. He's too far from her, from all of them! He is instead praying (as they do in canon) to return safely to them. Tuvok looks more tired in this one and he's wearing the neck ruffle thing that the monk he was sent to as a teenager wore. I'm using it here as like a nun's habit but also as like 'he's remembering another time his faith was utterly destroyed and he was able to rebuild it'. Forever thinking about the throwaway line in 'Innocence' where he says he USED to believe in katra but RECENTLY struggles to. I wonder if this is because he's alone, without family. To believe in katra would be somewhat frightening under those circumstances. You can say 'Janeway would just take it' but I'm sure it's more complicated and fraught for Tuvok himself. Anyway, I turned the halo into a part of the headscarf he's wearing (some sort of ornate accessory) and the mischievous/joyful angel in the original is now Elieth who looks accusatory, as if we're keeping him and his siblings from their father. The spark in the middle of the drawing is ... well it's their connection and all that stems from it. Both joy and sorrow at remembering, having had. This is why it also 'cuts through' them - separating them. It's also why I incorporated it slightly into the above piece as they deal with similar themes. I hope this was satisfactory! Thank you!

[aching-tummies]

As I lift the glass of tea to your lips I can tell your tummy is extremely bloated and full. Even still your throat aches so much you need the tea to feel any relief. Drink up babe you'll feel better soon. Every gulp fills your tummy a little more until your drink the last sip. I know your full but we still have half a teapot to go

I'm so, so, so sorry for the long wait. I adore this ask and I've loved it since I received it and have been trying to craft a response to do it justice for weeks. Thank you so, so much. You have no idea how much this post has sustained me through some busy times.

I think this was sent in as a response to the various sickness prompts? One and Two?

Sidenote...as I was finishing this response up and putting it together to post, my belly is literally giving off liquidy gurgles as though in response. As I mentioned in my "Appreciation Post and News" post, life has been kicking my butt lately. More stress, busy-busy, and various other factors have created the perfect environment for an oldie--stressy, upset tummy. I spent all day with my stomach feeling 'off'. I ate late-night instant noodles last night--that were undercooked 'cuz the water I used wasn't quite hot enough, but I was too tired to fix it at 2AM. So I woke up with an already upset tummy from the improperly prepared cup-noodle fermenting in my belly for the three hours or so that I slept. Got up and ran errands. I skipped breakfast but could feel hunger budding and pushing against the indigestion plaguing my belly. I opted for a 2-item box with fried rice from a food court 'cuz they were the only establishment up and running in the mall that was serving hot, non-burger, food. My belly was a bit unsettled at the strange food 'cuz I usually don't eat at those places. After that, I tried walking off the upset...which helped a little...until relatives decided to drag us to an impromptu 'dim sum' experience about three hours into my walk. For those that don't know, dim-sum can get pretty oily. I drank at least a full tea pot's worth of tea on my own, trying to avoid eating more oily food while still making it look like I was part of the dining experience. We got some milk tea boba from a place that always upsets my tummy (I think it's the dairy they use) and at home I ate a lot of watermelon because we needed to make space in the fridge for leftovers from the dim sum. My stomach feels all sloshy and I guess the oily fare is interacting with the tea and watermelon to further upset the works. My stomach hasn't stopped rumbling and letting out really wet gurgles since I sat down to write this.

Anyway...enough with the tangent--the response to this lovely ask is under the cut. Sorry, I feel like it's a bit too short, but I don't know where I could go from here.

I groan as I swallow convulsively around a wet belch. My belly burbles angrily and I close my eyes at the shiver-like sensations rippling through my liquid-filled belly. I turn away from the still-steaming mug of tea you're holding to my lips, shaking my head and cursing the surge of too-warm liquid lapping up my esophagus at the movement.

“C'mon. Drink up, babe. I know your throat hurts--you'll feel better soon, but you need to drink more to get there.”

I shake my head again, cradling my belly with both of my hands as it churns and sloshes uncomfortably within me. I feel like an over-filled water-balloon on the verge of rupturing. My belly is visibly distended. It doesn't look like much, but I've spent the last six days with a reduced appetite due to sickness and have not kept up with meals in those six days. As sick as the idea of eating anything makes me feel, I lament the fact that there's nothing substantial in my belly. Even a humble slice of bread would probably have soaked up a little of what feels like litres upon litres of broth and tea my sickly form is straining to contain.

“C'mon, babe. Down the hatch!” You urge, tipping the mug against my lips.

My belly lets out a watery burble as I swallow the torrent of tea, groaning as the queasiness and nausea increase tenfold with the last three gulps. I swear, I can feel my stomach swell, the stretch growing tighter right around my ribs. A steak crammed into a sausage-casing—that's how my stomach-organ feels at the moment—a large, tender, bloated piece of viscera that's rapidly outgrowing its surroundings.

“Nnngh...n-no more...oooh...urrrp...t-too full...” I wince as I try to form audible words against my sore throat. I bring a hand up to rub at my throat as my other one braces against the sloshing of my churning tummy. I don't want to feel like an overfilled balloon anymore, but I also don't want to puke. Even watered-down, there's still stomach-acid in the mess and the idea of it burning my irritated throat on the way out fills me with dread.

I paw at your arm as I see you lean forward on the couch, getting up to refill the mug, no doubt. I shake my head frantically, hoping you'll get the message. I swallow back against an extremely wet hiccup and cradle my belly again.

“I know you're full, but we're only halfway through the tea. You gotta keep your fluids up.” You admonish, running your fingers through my hair as you pass on your way to the kitchen.

My stomach gurgles loudly—a pitiful sound as it turns over itself. I knead gently into it, willing the liquid to shift somehow, to leave my stomach and maybe saturate my intestines instead of painfully inflating my stomach-organ. I stopped producing meaningful belches about two mugs ago. What's been coming up since has been more like attempts at a dam breaking than actual belches. There's not really much room for air pockets as you've thoroughly saturated my insides with plenty of liquid.

[itsahotminuteinbetween]

Okaaaaay, back with the third chapter of the little thing I made cuz I'm almost done with the fourth. I might end up splitting the fourth in half, but we'll see. Apparently people actually liked the first two, so that's a thing now.

Anyways, on with the show!

(chapter one's here, chapter two's here)

Word Count: 1,410

Lights on, Sun out. The day went on as usual. He sat folded into a small chair at the crafts table, praising children for the drawings they proudly showed him. He felt something buzz in his pockets and fished out…your phone? Odd. Moon must’ve taken it. He really ought to be more careful next time.

It buzzed again after the children left for the day. He pulled it out and watched the screen light up, quickly skimming the text that appeared without thinking.

MadScientist: hey can u come over  

Mad Scientist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9z1hPexqoQ

Mad Scientist: can u pick up meds later

Sun stared at the device, debating on what his next move should be.

“Hey!” He heard you call, quickly strolling over and moving to grab it before forcing your hands down, instead waiting expectantly with one held out as you ‘ask’ with a tone that indicates little argument, “Can I have that back now?”

He blinks, wordlessly handing it back to you with an odd look before snapping out of it.

“You know, you really shouldn’t be texting during operating hours,” he snips. 

He sees you school your expression with a strained smile, nodding and pocketing your phone. “Of course, so sorry, I could’ve sworn I left it on silent…” It vibrates again, and you whip it back out, scrolling through the texts and spot a missed call piled on top of them, letting out a sigh. Turning back to him, you give him an apologetic look and wince. “Sorry, can I take this? It’s…kinda important.”

Sun almost says no, almost scoffs and tells you that you need to pay attention to your job, that that call you thought was ‘so important’ would have to wait for you until you finished what you were required. The retort dies on his metaphorical tongue, and he instead finds himself shoving the cleaning supplies at you and saying, “You need to do your job, so get to it. Your own time is wasted however you want, as long as this is done.”

He leaves you to stare at him in a combination of surprise, embarrassment and what he assumes to be gratitude, stalking off to the broom closet for more supplies with a huff. He returns with the disinfectant and starts on the barrels, wiping them down and discreetly listening to your conversation.

You pick up the phone, visibly brightening as you speak, pinning the device on your shoulder as you pick up the scattered playthings and return them to their proper spots. 

“Hey, sorry I didn’t respond earlier! Can’t contact anyone on duty…yeah, I know, but there’s not much I can do ‘bout it…Anyways, how’ve you been?” You pause as the person on the other end speaks, taking the time to finish up and start rolling up the mats. The conversation is casual, something they’ve never seen from you. You make a few remarks here and there, respond carefully to a couple questions before quickly diverting to something else, occasionally letting out some snickers and barks of laughter unlike anything they’ve heard from you. You continue cleaning, sometimes running into Sun and giving him a small ‘sorry’ that sounds nothing like the laid-back tone you quickly take up when conversing with the caller. 

At some point, you finish and lean on the desk, just talking enthusiastically before either being interrupted or cutting yourself off. Eventually, you suck in a breath and gather your things. “Sorry, dude, I’m gonna hafta call you back, I gotta clock out. The pharmacy’s still open, right?...Look, there’s another bottle in the pantry, just take your aspirin, I’ll get the other stuff later.” You roll your eyes. “Someone’s gotta get on your case, do you want it to be me or Mom?” A long pause, before you deflate and draw a tired sigh. You put a hand to your temple, carding fingers through your hair with a chuckle devoid of the previous light-hearted humor. “Yeah. Yeah, I know…I gotta talk to them at some point. I…I just…dude, you know how it is, I hate having to just…just take it…I know, I know, I will, just…not yet. I’m not ready yet.”

You give a more subdued goodbye and end the call, looking around. Sun quickly pretends to be disinterested, focusing on the jungle gym he’d been wiping down for the duration of your conversation. 

You stare for a second before clearing your throat awkwardly and gesturing towards the door. “I’m gonna head out now. Goodnight, I’ll see you in the morning.” 

Sun makes it a point not to respond, waiting for you to feel self-conscious by the tense silence. You let your farewell hang in the air unanswered for a couple seconds, then grab your stuff, mumbling to yourself under your breath. 

“Yyyep, leaving now, see ya…” You take fast paced, broad steps toward the exit and scan your badge, disappearing behind the metal door for the night.

Sun breathes an artificial sigh of relief and rolls his eyes, glad to have the place to himself, if only temporarily. He sets his gaze back on the task at hand, pulling out a fresh wipe and picking up where he left off.

Right.

Back to work!

______________________

True to your word, you stop by a pharmacy and request the medication. You also run through a drive through and order takeout. Knowing your brother, he’s probably been surviving off the wi-fi and microwave pizza-bagels. You drop off the food at the doorstep, too tired to initiate conversation, even with your closest (and only) companion. You remind yourself to come back at some point tomorrow and properly check up on him.

Fumbling with your keys, you unlock the door to your own apartment, sighing at the state of your living space. You chuck your shoes off and put some effort into making it look a little less like a dump.

Laundry is shoved into the hamper until you can go to the laundromat. The tall stack of dishes is piled into the dishwasher. Clothes are folded and returned to their places. Papers are stacked out of the way to make your dusty desk seem a little more organized than it actually is. 

You stand at the foot of your bed, folding the blanket carelessly before flopping onto the mattress and letting out a groan. You can’t muster up the energy to get back up and make some food, even though your stomach whines loudly in protest. You just bury your face deeper into your pillow, hoping to block out the world for just a moment.

It works for maybe four minutes.

You force yourself to get up again, shucking off your work clothes in exchange for pajamas that hang loosely on your frame, several sizes larger than yours, just the way you liked it. Big clothes are always comfier.

You shuffle over to the tiny kitchen and grab something (you don’t quite know what you chose and you frankly don't care as long as it’s edible) and stick it in the microwave.

You watch the plate spin around with half-formed thoughts buzzing in the back of your head, slipping in and out like sand between your fingers. Your conversation with your brother floats to the front of your consciousness, one that never seems to drop out of the cycle.

If you’d’ve stayed, maybe you…

You grimace and shake it out of your head, dispelling the thought before you fell down a rabbit hole of what is and maybes. You had a habit of thinking too hard and boxing yourself in.

Maybe if you hadn’t left, you wouldn’t grow up to be such a-

The microwave beeps and you pull out your meal. Pizza. Fitting. You remind yourself distantly to go grocery shopping at some point when you got your paycheck.

Meal now finished, you prepared for bed, crawling under the covers and combating the dark forces of your own mind, staring dully at the ceiling with an arms slung over your head. You were exhausted, but being unable to sleep was another thing you were well adjusted to. Then again, your sleep schedule had always been erratic. Still, whatever forces at bay were having a hell of a time making your life miserable.

You shut your eyes, allowing yourself to momentarily be swept away in the loop of thoughts that swirled in your head.

Right.

Tomorrow was a new day.

Same as any other.

Aaaaand that's a wrap! Hope that was up to standard, I'm still not sure about the dialogue. MC has some family issues, if you couldn't tell. I wasn't sure if I used the right approach with the boys' perspective here, but I guess it'll do. I don't know when I'm posting the fourth chapter, I still have to transfer it to a doc and then edit and all that fun stuff. But yeah, that's all for now :)

[multiverse-imagines]

How do you think Vash and Wolfwood would deal with having sex for the first time with their s/o and it turns out their s/o is lovingly soft dominant. They end up just naturally taking charge cuz they wanna make sure wolfwood/Vash and themselves are equally satisfied and tired when finished cuz they love vash/wolfwood so much?

So this one is a twofer!!!! I am disgruntled at how I was more invested in the Wolfwood one, but maybe I'll write some proper Vash smut that I'm willing to post on the Internet soon. Still loved writing them!

Vash: Let Me Love You

It was late at the Inn, and you had curled up with Vash for the night. Though you were comfortable, he seemed to be squirming.

"You okay, Vash?" You asked, rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

"Y-Yeah, it's just that my shirt is a little uncomfortable." He placed his hand on the tight compression armor shirt he always wore under his coat.

"You can take it off if you want." You frowned, concerned for his comfort.

"I-I lost my last T-shirt after leaving the last town, so I don't have anything to change into."

"You don't have to wear a shirt around me, I'm your partner, ya know?" Vash seemed taken aback by your words.

"I don't want you to see my scars. They're not something I like people to see."

"It's not gonna chase me away, Love. Besides, it's pretty dark here anyway." You shrugged. Vash paused before sitting up on the bed, and taking off the heavy and stiff shirt. Tossing it to thunk on the floor near his bag. He laid back down quickly, bringing the blanket you shared over his shoulder. You cuddled up to him once again, giving him gentle kisses.

You somehow awoke before him the next morning, the blanket had been tossed aside in Vash's sleep, allowing you to gently run your fingers over the various scars and metal plating on his chest as he lay flat on his back. There were so many of them. You had seen the four that flowed over his shoulder, and grown fond of it, but this little cross on his hip was becoming your new favorite. You looked over his torso with wonder and delight.

"H-Having fun?" Vash stuttered, causing you to snap your head up to him.

"I didn't mean to wake you!" You pulled your hand away.

"N-no, please, keep touching them. No one ever has." He glanced away momentarily. You smiled and continued exploring the scars on his chest. The triple slashing scar on his right shoulder, and the long one that passed them and ended at his right peck. The skin was rough, yet he still stiffened at your touch. He seemed to be keeping himself from squirming. You moved to sit on top of him, straddling his thighs.

You inspected one that had been piquing your interest, the three metal bars that resided along his ribs on his right side. They ended just before the largest scar that spanned the entire curve of his side, down to his hip. You traced your fingers along the edge of it, and you tried not to give attention to the way he tripped the bed sheets beneath him.

His sweatpants were down just far enough to see the scar on the side of his hip, next to your favorite cross. You gave extra attention to that one, giving a gentle massage

You moved to the metal grate that covered where his left nipple used to be, and the sprawling scars just beneath them. You took notice of a small stitch that ended just before his prosthetic arm. He stifled a giggle as your thumb grazed it. You paid it no mind as you inspected the scars on his left shoulder. You noticed one just above his clavicle. Since you had nowhere else to look for the moment, you leaned forward on his lap, giving a gentle kiss on his neck.

A hitching hiss ran through his teeth, and you knew it was time.

"So you like that, Vash?" You whispered. He nodded under you, and you began working your way back around his scars, giving attentive kisses to every scar.

"H-hey, you don't have to-" he was cut off by the look you gave him. You were looking up from the small scar just above the cross, and you slid forward to kiss him, your hips now resting on his.

"I want to." You whispered, not backing up too far from his lips, "I want to give love to every scar on your body. They're a part of you, and I love all of you." You returned to his lips before he could answer, only letting a grunt slip between the two of you, "So Vash, will you let me love you?"

"Y-YesPlease." He said hurriedly as if to keep himself from refusing.

~End~

—------------

Wolfwood: A Confession Well Versed

It started with a few too many drinks. It always seemed like it started that way. Though the two of you had been minorly Intimate, it was always the alcohol that seemed to loosen the two of you up.

It was how you admitted your feelings for one another. Your first kiss was fueled by Southern Comfort and Jack Daniels.

"I appreciate you inviting me to your room, ya know. It means a lot." He mumbled, attempting to be quiet as the two of you walked up the creaky stairs to the second floor of the Inn and entered your room.

"Yeah, but if I may say, I don't think you're much of a preacher. I mean, you get sloshed on Sundays, and… and…" you trailed off trying to find a second reason. Had you been a little more with it, you would have found the perfect opportunity to call out his irresponsibility due to him losing the room key to his room at the inn.

That's why he was here, in your room taking his clothes off. His sun tanned skin shined an Enchanting bronze in the moonlight from the window. You had changed into your own pajamas of red shorts and a blue tank top. Down to an undershirt and his blue & white striped boxer shorts, he waltzed towards you,

"I am a real preacher. I live by the word of God, and do my best to help my fellow man." He defended. He placed a kiss to your lips, the mix of whiskey and bourbon sending a chill down your spine, "for instance, I can see all that desire to sin all over your face. You can always use my confessional, you know."

"Why don't you prove it, Preacher Man? I can confess my sins without that stupid box." You said as you gently pushed him down to sit onto your bed, "Preach to me." You pushed him back gently and crawled on top of him, straddling his hips. He paused a moment, thrown off by your assertive motion. He sat up against the headboard to the best of his ability.

"Your lips are like a scarlet thread, and your mouth is lovely. Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goat leaping down the slopes of Gilead.” Song of Solomon Chapter 4: 3" he recited, placing a hand to cup your face, and a hand to run through your hair.

"You know if it weren't for the goat part, I would have thought you were lying. Good job." You kissed him sweetly, giving a soft grind of your hips against his. He stifled a growl of pleasure before parting from you.

“Your lips drip nectar, my bride; honey and milk are under your tongue; the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon.” Song of Solomon Chapter 4:11" he nearly chanted as he pulled your shirt off of your torso.

"My bride? That's lovely, but I'm pretty sure that booze is the only fragrance here." You hummed a smile, and returned to his lips, pressing him into the bed, and paused to remove your shorts and underwear. He did the same, removing his clothes before the two of you joined again. He hummed contently, casually taking a breast into each hand.

“Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle that graze among the lilies.” Song of Solomon 4: 5" he gave a gentle squeeze in a slow rhythm. You sighed out airy moans at the touch,

"Did you know… I used to read the bible too?"

"Did you? Let me hear something." He smirked.

"(Proverbs 7:13-18) She took hold of him and kissed him and with a brazen face she said: “Today I fulfilled my vows, and I have food from my fellowship offering at home. So I came out to meet you; I looked for you and have found you! I have covered my bed with colored linens from Egypt. I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon. Come, let’s drink deeply of love till morning; let’s enjoy ourselves with love" you recited the lengthy verse, "Something that's not from the Song of Solomon." You teased as you then took his lips to distract him before slipping his drunken cock inside you. This was the first time the two of you had taken this step, but you moved together as if you were always meant to be in sync like this.

"May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love

(Proverbs 5:18-19)" You rhythmically chanted no louder than a whisper above him as you pumped from on top of him. Wolfwood seemed to relax at the scripture being recited.

"It was never the alcohol, really. It just helps." He groans from beneath you. A low giggle came from your throat, as you moved to kiss his neck.

"Really, is there something Preacher Man needs to confess?" You teased him.

"Drinking seemed to be the only way I could talk to you seriously. I've loved every moment, even if I don't always get to remember them in the morning."

"Is that so?" You kissed the side of his face, "Then let my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruits." You recited a Song of Songs verse as you picked up your pace, and it wasn't long before a wave of orgasm crashed over you. Nicolas pressed heated kisses to your face as he moved his legs to take a small amount of control to help you through your orgasm. You let yourself rest against him, and once your body seemed to relax, you were rolled over onto your back. Nicolas above you now.

"Your turn to confess, my love." He pressed kisses into your lips,

"Your turn to finish, Preacher." You wrapped your arms around his neck as he sheathed himself into you, "I worried t-that you wouldn't want someone like m-me. Being a man of G-God and stuff." You struggled to speak through his quick thrusts. You moaned and sighed as he pumped into you.

"God has done a lot of shitty things to me. He can let me have this one." He huffed and kissed you roughly.

"Then have as much as you want. For the feast shall always be plentiful." You spoke under his lips.

"Pretty sure that's not a verse of the bible." He giggled

"Then it should be! Feast, Nicholas." he groaned and you felt his thrusts lose their rhythm. He removed himself from you, and laid on the outer side of the bed next to you, taking you into his arms. He lit a cigarette, making sure to not get ashes on you.

"Any other confessions before we sleep?" You asked. He blew out a puff of smoke before allowing his head to lob his gaze in your direction.

"I love it when you call me Nicolas."

~End~

[aceofshitposts]

reverse robins au :)

okay i kinda have a writeup for a reverse jaytim au written up already but yknow what this is easier LMAO anyway it's just a jason and tim swap instead of all the robins but hope you enjoy. putting most of it under a cut cuz it uh got real long.

-. Tim is a very intuitive kid but his parents tend to abide by the "children should be seen not heard" principle. They're not around that often but when they are they bring Tim around to show him off. Adults tend to ignore and even forget his presence, which results in Tim overhearing some nefarious plot that his parents won't listen to him about when he tries to tell them. Okay then, Tim thinks and goes to the next adult he feels like he could trust: Batman. Batman saves the day! And Tim even helps! Dick is long gone, off making a name as Nightwing, and Tim is smart and a quick learner. It's almost natural to give him Robin. Dick is not pleased.

But that's okay, Tim gets to be Robin! And after his training, he's damn good at it. He loves spending time out as Robin and is grateful for the times Bruce lets him stay at the manor after a hard patrol. But he also lives for when his parents come home, trying desperately to get any positive attention from them.

-. Bruce desperately wants to adopt Tim, or at least get some kind of official guardianship for when his parents are absent but... Tim loves his parents. And Bruce still has a kind of reverence to the idea of parents and doesn't want to do anything that might interfere with Tim's relationship to his. He almost brings it up several times, the last being the time Tim excitedly tells him his parents told him he'll be joining them on their next trip. Tim is so happy, Bruce decides to shelf the idea for now.

The trip goes poorly. Drake Industries deals in some pharmaceuticals and apparently Joker has developed a bit of an obsession with the idea that they might help him. Tim contacts Bruce the moment Joker shows up, Bruce asks Tim to wait for backup, Tim does not. When Jack and Janet both refuse to help Joker he kills them. Tim lasts longer with his training and Joker even remarks he's particularly slippery for some rich boy but eventually Joker manages to nail him with some acid to the face, blinding him.

Batman is far too late, Joker gets away and Tim succumbs to his injuries in Batman's arms. Before he dies he manages a weak, "I'm sorry, Dad." Bruce doesn't know if Tim was aware of who was holding him in the end.

-. Batman and Robin have obviously tangled with Ra's before and he definitely took an interest in the young Robin. When he hears about the Drakes untimely demise, well, he's simply an opportunist. Getting the body and resurrecting Tim is essentially child's play.

The pit heals the damage around and to Tim's eyes, mostly. They come out of the pit almost white, the irises ringed in green; pale discolouration splashes across his eyes and forehead. His eyesight is pretty good but he finds bright lights irritating and often opts to wear a mask with light filtering lenses.

Ra's trains Tim up to be his best assassin, playing into Tim's insecurities quite easily. Especially since dying, Bruce has adopted a new kid. Actually adopted, unlike Tim who was clearly never wanted to begin with. Not by his parents, not by Bruce, but Ra's wants him. Clearly, Timothy belongs here with him.

He stops thinking of himself as Tim after a while, instead adopting the moniker Echo.

His main weapon is a guandao.

-. Bruce has Regrets. And through those Regrets, when he first finds Jason trying to steal his car tires, he decides he's never letting an opportunity slip through his hands again. He adopts Jason and absolutely throws himself into trying to be the father he should have been for Tim. Jason honestly finds Bruce kind of overbearing 😂 but once he gets used to it it's... nice to have someone so invested in his well being. Jason, of course, learns about the previous Robin and the few times Bruce brings himself to actually talk about Tim it's always good things.

-. Echo isn't exactly pleased about the new Robin, necessarily, but why should he care when Batman clearly didn't care about him? The longer time goes on, though, the more he also begins to realize he's been manipulated by Ra's and it becomes a matter of him feeling like he can't leave now. He's not the person he was when he died, he's not even really sure he counts as a person anymore; instead feeling like he's merely an extension of Ra's's (ouch, hate typing that) will.

He starts to feel a little more like his own person once Talia enlists him to start training Damian and is eventually the one to suggest that nothing good was going to come of Damian staying here.

Ra's has Echo post up in Gotham on occasion to keep an eye on Damian, not always, but he's around more than he was before.

-. Jason's met Echo before, they've tangled on several occasions since Ra's is a continued thorn in many people's sides. He doesn't think much of him at first, just another one of Ra's assassins but when Echo ends up in Gotham more often he becomes a little... obsessed. No, really, he just has this gut feeling Echo just needs someone to help him!

He gathers as much intel as he can, which is mostly from Damian, and just sort of... ends up bothering Echo any time he shows up.

Echo isn't sure what to make of the now former Robin or his olive branch of friendship and when Ra's requires it they still end up fighting on opposite sides but Jason is sure he's getting through to him. Definitely. Echo does start to become fond of Jason.

-. Damian eventually puts together the link between Echo and Tim. He eventually decides to take matters into his own hands because Echo helped keep him safe and brought him to Bruce, Bruce clearly misses Tim and Echo is clearly not going to reach out himself.

It wasn't necessarily planned, but Damian gets in over his head with Killer Croc and Echo comes to the rescue, critically injuring himself in the process. He tells Damian to just leave him because Ra's will heal/resurrect him but Damian knocks him out and gets Bruce to bring him to the cave.

The revelation that Echo is Tim is.. a lot. Echo completely shuts down with his secret revealed, he only gives the barest of explanations and mostly refuses to speak to Bruce while he's still recovering. Jason is preferable, he's currently furious with Damian and isn't afraid to show it, but mostly he spends any time he's not sleeping just staring blankly at a wall.

Echo flees Gotham the second he's able to but he won't be gone forever ;)

[raphaelapproves]

Today, focus was a precious commodity and I ended up behind at work so did not get the chance to post the conversation as promised.

But now, here we are, the "conversation"--and I do use that term loosely--that I had with an Astarion girlie.

Allow me to set the scene.

This happened on a video where a streamer was, I assume, HORRIFIED to find that if she just self-insert played the game with answers she would give--SHOCK!--Gale was the companion who liked her the most. I can't imagine why.

Anyway, the comments section was the predictable Gale-bashing. Some in good fun. Most of it not. And I'm me, so I just couldn't help myself, because I see too much of my younger self [ who still tried to engage with people and connect but didn't know how ] in Gale, so I responded to a couple of comments. This was the one that prompted this little meeting of the... well, one mind and then whatever the other person was operating with. Must have been a different Operating System, because it sure didn't make sense to me.

It is below the cut, as are my thoughts because it turned into a long post as, apparently, I had many thoughts.

Astarion Girlie [ henceforth AG ]: THEN HE CAN GO SUCK OFF LETTO II ON ARRAKIS CUZ I AM NOT HERE FOR GALE'S SEXIST A$$ 😤

Me: First: how is Gale sexist? Second: and yet you're okay with Astarion [ NOTE: the username had something to do with what Astarion could do for them, so I made an educated guess ] who is canonically racist, knowingly lured people to their deaths, and was fine with condemning the world for himself???

AG: are you serious??? 🤣 Gale mansplains EVERYTHING to the women around him including magic to other magic-user, uses coercion as a flirting tactic, & slvt-shames Tav if you're romancing someone else.

Me: Wow. There is so much wrong with that. 1) Tell me you don't have an autistic friend without telling me. 2) He explains to EVERYONE not just women. 3) Genuinely? What coercion? 4) He just tells you -- He isn't for an open relationship [ says he wishes you had asked him first which is y'know healthy? ] and asks you to choose, then says he wishes you well if you don't choose him.

AG: have you considered touching grass?

Me: This is such an intelligent rebuttal. Brava! So insightful and useful to a debate. Have you considered maybe listening to others without belitting them because you can't have a friendly discussion?

AG: 1) all of my friends are auDHD and so am i. you're an ableist joke. 😘 2) now you're gale-splaining his sexism 😂 3) i'm not interested in continuing with someone as clearly unwell as you are, bye!

Me: I AM autistic, friend. 2) It's not sexism if he's literally explaining his special interest to EVERYONE regardless of sex. 3) Again, quite mature. Thank you. 👏👏👏

I am just. How??? can anyone be so ??? I do not even have a word for it. It baffles me.

Astarion has canonically done terrible things, would canonically do many even more terrible if not swayed from it, and yet Gale??? is the one with whom they have a problem??? And they can't even logic their own argument???

As someone who is autistic and has been a victim of continued mental and emotional abuse from someone who always wanted to play the victim card and as someone who was always given the excuse "well they're not well and you know it, so you just have to deal with it and don't argue" when they're going out of their way to make your life hell and trying to frame you as their own personal villain, up to and including gaslighting you to the point of nearly two decades of depression, making you feel like you were broken and the worst human being in the world, and having you contemplating things you shouldn't, and them lying to others about things that happened or things that were said to get you in trouble, I get very, very tired of the mentality I see so much around the crazed Astarion Girlies of excusing everything he has ever done and being unable to even acknowledge a single flaw and attacking anyone who does say anything.

I have and continue to live that, have been and continue to be on the other side of it having to suffer because someone else wasn't held accountable, and I am Tired. [ At least now, thanks to my best friend in the entire world, I can see it for what it is and I'm in at least a better place now mentally, 98% of the time. ]

[ NOTE: This is NOT against the Astarion writers I have seen on here. Please do not misunderstand. The Astarion writers I follow on here are the only reason I can still even marginally like the character at this point. He is fascinating. He is multi-faceted. It's one of the things I love to see explored by those who I follow. It is always interesting to see people write complex and even morally difficult characters because that, too, is a form of understanding humanity. It's one of the things I love exploring with my anti-heroes and villains. In Baldur's Gate, that would include characters like Raphael, Gortash, Dirge, etc. So please know I am not hating on any Astarion writers! Everyone I follow is amazing! ]

But when you bring up those character flaws and morally difficult things that does make the character so complex and multi-faceted, these are the responses you get:

Astarion is a victim!

Yes, that is true. But Gortash who, let's be honest, at least doesn't fully know what he's doing is wrong [ you pass the insight checks and what not/narration tells you/the VA tells you that he thinks he's doing the right thing for himself and for the city, etc. and with the way he was raised, what example did he have to the contrary but I've already gone on that rant HERE ] is to the smallest degree even less culpable in my mind than Astarion, and he doesn't get a pass the way Astarion does? And he certainly shouldn't. He isn't absolved. He is doing terrible things whether he can fully rationalize it or not with his understanding of life.

Astarion though, acknowledges on multiple occasions, gives excuses, justifies his actions at every turn while still knowing that what he's doing and planning to do is wrong. And it's heavily implied that he really wasn't all that great of a person BEFORE Cazador either [ that is not to say that he deserved what happened either, just to clarify ]. But the point is Astarion did, at one point, having come from what seems an affluent family, have a knowledge of right and wrong and still made decisions that he made, even before Cazador and after once he was free.

Cazador made him do those things! Yes, he did, but that excuse stopped the moment Cazador's control was no longer an issue. He had free will and a knowledge of right and wrong, and he made the decisions he made.

But it was a habit by then! It was what he learned to survive!

And that coupled with the knowledge of right and wrong goes only so far as the moment you choose to knowingly make your trauma someone else's. Cazador wasn't going to force him to do the Ascension ritual and pay 7,000 souls for his own betterment. "Because after 200 years of SHIT, PURE SHIT, I think I deserve better." A paraphrase, but I think I caught the most important parts. He knew it was wrong, he acknowledges it and immediately tries to justify himself, and is still quite willing to do it. Literally, if he kills you by draining your blood, he acts like nothing ever happened and then tries to sweep it under the rug with Tav if they continue to be upset about it by telling them there's no reason to be.

And yet, we have a problem with Gale, who can be or come across as condescending at times, but I think you can hardly call a man sexist who made his girlfriend his entire personality--since she was the goddess of his SPECIAL INTEREST--and continues to put her word above even his own life, prioritize her forgiveness over his continued existence and who takes such great interest in literally everything Lae'zel has to say about the Astral Plane and her people. We have a problem with a man who is honest about his comfort zone? Who loves your PC even if you become a mindflayer? Who only takes issue with you when you do something morally bad? Who literally gives you approval points for anything even remotely resembling a good choice? Who feels like he doesn't even deserve a place in the world and would gladly give himself up for any one of his companions?

He's always harassing me for items!!!! AND HE GOT MAD WHEN I WOULDN'T GIVE THEM TO HIM!!!

The count is THREE and you can give the man the most trash items you have and he still thanks you and tells you that he will repay your kindness because he knows what such sacrifice means. He is thanking you--just as he gets mad at you if you don't--because he literally has a ticking bomb in his chest that would kill not only HIM if it de-stabilized and exploded, but also anyone within the vicinity.

Well he betrayed Mystra!!!

He tried to get on equal footing with someone he loved, to share in something he loved with the person who embodied it. Was he overly ambitious? Absolutely. [ And honestly, tell me it's not Gifted Kid Syndrome -coded to assume that he could do this impossible thing. ] Did it cost him? Yes. And then Mystra, who could have fixed it and didn't cast him off. And he still prayed to her. And took all of the blame on himself, despite the fact that Mystra shares more than a little responsibility for what transpired. [ I.E. all of the Origin PCs have been victims in this game, in some way or another, and some if not all of them to power imbalances in relationships. Why does anyone think Gale is the one exception? ]

HE'S MANSPLAINING TO ME!!!

He is literally telling you all about his special interest and probably assuming that you don't know much about it, or at least not as much as him, because he was literally a Chosen of Mystra and an Archmage. Again, can he be condescending and huffy at times? Yes. He absolutely can. Call it a character flaw. Everyone has them, but you know what? His doesn't condemn anyone to death, so why are we up at arms?

HE DOESN'T WANT ME TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE!!!

And that is his prerogative and he's straightforward and honest with you about it. He tells you--if you already started flirting with or seeing someone--that he wishes you had the courtesy to tell him first [ which, IS IN FACT the healthy way to go about a relationship of that nature, just as shown with Halsin insisting you ask your partner first ]--but if you choose the other person, he wishes you both well, usually gives some compliment to the other person, and then continues to treat you well as long as you weren't rude and demeaning to him during or after the fact.

So why???? Is so much of the fanbase SO AGGRESSIVELY against Gale? But Astarion is uwu Babygirl and can do no wrong? What about defending Gale makes me "so unwell", but how DARE anyone rightfully criticize even the smallest thing about Astarion because [ insert extensive list of reasons why none of that should matter ].

That he is a victim, that he's pretty, that his VA has a great voice and personality, et cetera, does not excuse that Astarion has knowingly done terrible things both against and within his will and will do so again without hesitation if he helps him, particularly if your Durge or Tav doesn't try or manage to sway him.

Make this make sense to me, because I certainly cannot seem to make it do so.

I've said it before with that Gortash post I linked above and I said it on a similar post for Zevlor and somewhere that I was talking about Minthara and Nere, but the double standards within a loud portion of this fanbase--even within the game itself and among the people who worked on it--is not one of its better qualities.

[sailorblossoms]

Was Baz actually a bully during the Watford years? Or was he just a posh jerk?

Listen, i've been reading old meta about these series these past days and I can't believe the amount of people that actually believe he was an actual bully like, based on what??

I mean, he absolutely comes from an elitist and conservative family, and that absolutely influenced his worldview during his childhood and early adolescence (quite predictably, hard to see what's outside of your bubble when you're not allowed to at that age). (Adding the actual safety that elitism provides him, as in he wouldn't be as shielded from being outed as a vampire if he wasn't a Pitch, and that it was impossible for kid-Baz to go against whatever the great Natasha Pitch believed in. Even when the conservatism of it all hurts him! Even when he thought his dead mom would want him dead, he still believed she was in the right!! But anyway, it's only after he breaks free from that bubble that he starts to grow as his own person, as a better person, cuz no way you can throw someone as soft hearted and who cares about others into the real world and have him remain a conservative elitist prick)

Being a bully and being a jerk are not the same thing, even if you're a real fucking jerk. Most of these characters are jerks in one way or another, to be quite honest (except Shephard, bless his heart) but the reason there's this perception of Baz, I assume, it's 1) because of the stereotype that he was supposedly casted in and 2) because Simon says he's a bully. The series it's all about calling bullshit to stereotypes so I'm not touching 1. And 2, Simon calling him a bully honestly doesn't mean shit.

A bully, at the very least, has actual victims. At the very least, they create an atmosphere of anxiety and fear. And who the fuck it's actually afraid of Baz in Watford, other than rats and whatever animals they have in the forest? (Actual question, I'm going by memory here). Nothing could more clearly point out how unbothered the student body is about Baz that Simon trying to tell others that he's a vampire and... being laughed off. If someone was being victimized by the dude and they were told "listen, he's actually a dangerous dark creature of the night, we could get the bitch kicked out, free ourselves" the general reaction would not be "Simon what the fuck are you smoking my guy". Agatha "I'm sick and tired of being a Damsel and in danger" wanted to go after Baz. And yeah, I know this was her trying out a rebellion phase by going by the Dark and Misterious Bad Boy(tm), see if that helped her figure out herself, but I honestly don't think she would have been fucking around in the dark waiting for him or wtv she was doing in CO if she seriously thought he would actually hurt or victimize her, as a bully would do. Baz might have had The Vibe, but there was likely the safety of deep down knowing it's just superficial, y'know (ik she later goes he's an Evil vampire!!! when trying to get Simon out of Baz's house for no real reason, which honestly rude, and my point still stands)

And it needs to be extremely clear that Simon and Baz were equals. Even when they were being dumb boys having stupid little fights they took awfully seriously (collateral of an actual war going on) they were still equals. Hell, Baz went out of his way to make sure they were equals, given that he has super-strength, enough to snap a human body like a toothpick, and Simon still tells us that he never even pushed him harder that he could push back. Yes, Baz could be mean and ruthless with his words, and he definitely hurt Simon, but Simon was never his victim. Simon was never afraid of Baz. And Simon definitely hurted Baz as well. Maybe he wasn't as cutting as Baz could be with words (likely the entire reason Simon even called him a bully, the whole "having advantage at being good with words, even to be a little bitch") but he was always good with his fists. He broke his damn nose ffs! (being the whole reason it's permanently crooked iirc)

Even the incident with Phillipa doesn't count (which I think was handled very well in the third book, so I won't get into it) cuz she was never a target, she was unfortunate collateral damage, and an unfortunate victim of Fiona, who was the adult who fully understood what she was doing, and I sustain was the actual responsible here (even if Baz was still wrong for fucking with dangerous things he didn't fully understand) (can't find the quote, but Penny said it best when she talked to Baz about this, they were really just boys being used as pawns by adults in dangerous situations they didn't even fully comprehend, not until actual damage was done here) (pretty fucked up of Fiona to even think of hurting Simon, a kid, that way, and to ask her nephew, another kid, to do it for her. Honestly believe she didn't really give a fuck about the kid who actually got hurt too, and only came around cuz she does love Baz and doesn't want to lose him)

So anyway, I'm not trying to be an apologist or whatever (these characters being flawed and having moments of being jerks or even dickheads it's compelling, honestly). All I'm saying is that Baz might have been a posh prick, and a jerk, and an asshole, and whatever synonyms we can think off, and he definitely had to unlearn quite a few questionable things but... was he actually ever a bully? I honestly don't think so. In fact, if we look at the picture of Baz being wealthy, attractive, smart, part of the football team, among the top of the class... it's actually likely that the general view other students had of him was more positive than negative, especially since he didn't have a reason to lash out at random people like he did with Simon and his friends (and he's not someone who actually wants to hurt others! He's always holding back even in actual fights!). And let's face it, hot rich ppl can get away with more shit in the general perception, so this would probably still apply even if he was generally an ass.

[quotidian-oblivion]

Green Leafy Croutons Part 2

I believe I never did explain the reason behind the name. It's an original recipe, yes. Inspired by my first meal from a cafe that i forgot the name of. My friend and i were texting and tryna come up with names for this recipe and together, by the power of our dumbasses, we came up with this. It can also be shortened to simply "Green Leafy".

Jason put his hands on his hip, looking pretty damn proud of himself.

Tim scrunched up his face in puzzled disapproval. "Green leafy?" he repeated.

"Yep," Jason grinned, a proud smile glowing as brightly as the fire on the stove behind him.

"So it's just... green leafy?"

"You got a problem with that?"

"No- well... maybe."

"It's a great name!" Jason protested, flinging his arms up.

"Oh yeah, sure." Tim rolled his eyes. "Hey, Bruce. Do you want some green leafy for breakfast?"

Jason narrowed his eyes. "I see nothing wrong with that statement."

Tim shook his head, throwing away the last of the eggshells.

So yeah: Green Leafy.

My sister took this picture for me. Isn't she a great photographer? /half sar

Alright! They're done!

Time to cremate the bread.

No, it's not a roll of toilet paper, it's cheese.

See?

I cannot cut cheese.

I really cannot cut cheese.

Okay, I forgot to add salt and pepper and lemon squeeze to the avocado, but my mum did it for me. I've plated the dish beautifully. Marvel on my creation:

I gave that to my mum. My dad is off starch so he just had the salad. My youngest sister had just toasted bread and avocado spread and cheese. My other youngest sis had toast, chicken, cheese, and lettuce. My sister had the full platter, just a little less of everything. And I had the full platter:

I cleared up the mess in the kitchen and washed the dishes first cuz i can't enjoy it unless i know that my whole job's been done. So it's a little cold. I'm trying it now.

...

BRO?

IT'S SO GOOD??

LIKE- I JUST HAD A SMALL BITE OF EGGS, CHICKEN, SALAD, AVOCADO TOAST, AND CHEESE TOAST AND- IT'S SO FREKAING GOOD??? I LOVE IT SO MUCH????? IA M NOT EVEN KIDDING???

Gonna turn this bad boy into a sandwich.

Look how thick this boy is.

It's so good, i can't even.

Scoffed down the sandwich. It's salad time!

Okay, i'm gonna be entirely honest here. The brie cheese was a bad idea. My cutting skills were also a bad idea. And not just the part where i cut my thumb. I didnt cut the cheese thin enough and it kinda overpowered everything, i had to force the last bites in and even then i left the salad and handed it over to my dad. I'm feeling a little sick rn cuz of the cheese, i shouldn't have turned it into a sandwich with that thick slice of cheese, but oh well, this was an experiment and it turned out good! You learned some and enjoyed some.

Overall, this took me around 2 hours to make because i'm a dramatic idiot who doesn't know how to manage her time and let her family starve.

Opinion: recipe is 10/10. Definitely try it out. Maybe add some flavor to the salad though, can't think what but it seemed too plain. Maybe that's just my desi tongue. Also, don't make the cheese too thick. You'll puke. Oh! And be careful with knives. It was getting hard to type on phone.

It's 1 am now cuz i spent the last couple of hours just dawdling around and watching documentaries with my fam and waiting out the sick feeling. I think i'll go to sleep now. I have so much work to do, but also going out with friends after months tomorrow, so def excited for that.

Dunno why im telling u all this, but ur hearing it anyway. I'm too sleeby and tired and head hurty.

Goodnight! Let me know if you tried this out! It's so definitely worth it I tell you. Stay safe and drink plenty water!

Part 1

Break Down ch: 2

[nerves-nebula]

what made your first year of college so much worse than the second?

godddd where do i even start. Complaining goes under the cut cuz it’s too damn long.

8 hour studios 3 times a week that start at 8 AM and only break for lunch. one of the professors expected us to stand the entire time we were drawing and only sit when we went on break. plus homework for those studios, because each studio was a different foundational class. and on the days when you dont have those studios you got other foundational classes like art history and literature or something. you've got homework for all of these classes too and tests and everything.

and each studio being a different class is a huge issue and really frustrating as well. the classes are drawing, design and, like, basically a 3D class, right? where you use power tools and carve stuff and all that. But imagine you go to this school for painting or to make clothes, then the three foundational classes might just really bore and frustrate you. because you don't really feel like they're helping you gain any skills in your preferred major.

so you have all these artistic kids who want to do their best, being forced to do things they hate and being told it's to make us "more well rounded." (which dont get me wrong i understand, but that doesnt make it suck any less)

so all the art you make is painful to create, and you don't even like the result. but we knew what we signed up for, and the point is to last past first year so you can get into your major. thats the point for me, at least. so you just get what you can done, but i cant imagine what I would've done if i'd fallen behind even once.

And then my own personal hell- being in a new place and not knowing what to do or who to talk to or how to communicate ! So i was constantly stressed out in like a social way. idk if i vented about this here but i fell over in a fit of anxiety and hyperventilation in class multiple times first year. I straight up fell over at least twice and i had crying fits multiple times (with varying degrees of how quiet I was being, sometimes they don't even notice :D)

I was incredibly emotionally isolated and cried myself to sleep like every night. my only social interactions were at work because I'm very bad at socializing properly and making friends in class, and i was always too tired to go to any events. LUCKY for me I met a really cool friend while doing some student work and it was really nice and chill.

ANYWAY BACK TO THE STRESS. to give an example of the situation: our first homework for drawing class was to make this big ink master copy of a van gogh sketch, and it didn't have to be perfect, or even GOOD tbh, but regardless it took forever. and i spilled my ink on it which nearly led to a breakdown but instead i just laughed cause otherwise I'd go insane. the amount of podcasts and audiobooks i burned through that year just to keep myself sane was mind-numbing. i listened to, no joke, ALL of Well There's Your Problem, and i went back and listened to a lot of them more than once.

i was really lucky though, cause some other students had first projects that were like "bring in 50 drawings by next class" or "make a chair out of only cardboard that you can sit on without it collapsing" or something. and i never had a teacher that bad.

actually, my second semester design professor was really REALLY chill. He let me sleep in class if i finished the work so I spent a few hours in his class just chilling and sleeping fitfully (as in I was so stressed i would gasp and mutter myself awake, which really alarmed my classmates but i never got close enough to them to explain myself soooo they prolly just think something is wrong with me. which it is! oh well)

i can only speak for myself but i was basically working any moment i wasn't sleeping, eating, shitting, or showering. somehow other people made time to befriend each other and hang out and like, go to parties??? i dont know how. Frankly I don't even remember how i did what i did either, specifically I reached out to my college's mental health services and got on some medication for anxiety. I also somehow managed to write an essay for our student published thingy about how I wanted to kms and felt unsupported by mental health professionals lmao.

I have NO IDEA how i did any of that because this year i kept falling asleep for five hours in the middle of the day. my theory is that I got more done because I physically HAD TO STAY AWAKE. I COULD NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO FAIL.

I was so stressed out the first year that I often couldn't sleep without hugging my giant elephant stuffed animal or using it as a comforting weight on top of me. one morning i woke up hyperventilating and went to go cut a huge role of paper at like 6 AM because i was so worried about forgetting to cut the paper before i left before class at 8 AM.

so yeah, my theory is that since second year wasn't that insanely stressful, all those hours i spent eking out any artistic joy possible (making owl house comics, writing that essay, and painting my clothing) just to make sure i didn't kms were replaced instead with me just falling asleep at inopportune times, because I wasn't as scared that I wouldn't have time for my work.

OH MY GOD AND FIRST YEAR I GOT PUT IN TWO CONSECUTIVE GROUP PROJECTS WITH THIS ABSOLUTE MONSTER- but that could be its entire own post. suffice it to say that he had been reported multiple times for various things and one of my classmates recognized who i was talking about just from me vaguely complaining about how much i hated him.

anyway im sure there's even more that i forgot about but to be honest i think i've explained enough.

[marilostfieldblog]

[Video transcript start.]

[The transcript begins from the front pocket of a jacket, someone leaning over a small child's shoulder as they seemingly draw a TV on a computer.]

?: What are you doing kid?

[Voice identified: Mari.]

[The child looks over to Mari, smiling.]

?: Making Peony an avatar so it isn't so creepy when they speak.

[Voice identified: Sparrow.]

M: Oh uh… Hey Will, you ok bud? Feel the need to check on you from time to time.

[Will's head pops into view. His hair falls over his eyes.]

W: Uhhhh. I think so? Trying to figure out a present, not going too well!

M: Could always ask Peony? AI and all.

Sp: Do not use the only sibling I have in this mall as an alexa.

W: I wasn't planning to, kiddo.

M: And I'm trying to work on that kid, just… Kinda tough when other people don't post their work schedules.

W: In my defence, I'm just kind of on call. All the time.

?: [Tired.] They were talking about Cassidy.

[Voice identified: Rose Henderson.]

W: Ah. [The tone in his voice has notably shifted.] I see. I'm sorry again, for..ya know.

R: [Still tired, this lasts until further notice.] Quit apologising, not your fault.

W: Right.

R: I just-

[Rose cuts herself off stretching, multiple pops coming from her back and shoulder blades.]

R: God damn.

W: Dude, you need to stretch more often, that CANNOT be healthy.

R: Haven't exactly had time. Cuz… Y'know.

W: Mhm. That is true.

R: Anyway, you guys need to quit taking shit out of my bag. It was open again this morning.

W: Wasn't me this time! I was-...guys. Edgar's breathing is weird.

R: Oh fuck, ok uh… Sparrow quit taking shit out of my bag.

Sp: IT WASN'T ME! Also, uh. Not good.

[Will appears more into frame, as it limps towards the sleeping man.]

W: Should we wake him up? This could be really bad if he continues breathing like this in that position.

R: I don't know… Tired…

W: Mari? What do you think?

M: Huh? Yeah go ahead.

W: Right.

Sp: Be careful.

[Before anyone can make a move to wake him, he sits upright abruptly with a shout, before taking a quick look at his surroundings and moving backwards away from the residents of the hideout, eyes darting around the room, before settling on the exit door.]

W: Edgar? Are you okay, your breathing was..irregular is definitely an understatement. Hyperventilating?

R: [Muffled by a pillow.] Not going to hurt you dad, if that's what you're worried about.

Sp: I can't hurt you, my arms are only strong enough to throw like… Soup cans at Mari.

?: [Shaky.] Wh– who has the gun currently?

[Voice identified: Edgar.]

R: [Muffled.] oh god damnit.

[Rose sits up and looks at Edgar, a tired look plastered across her face.]

R: Delilah, who. As far as I know isn't here.

[Edgars eyes move away from the door for a moment to scan the group's hands.]

W: None of us have anything Edgar, you're safe. Do you want me to back up a bit?

[He nods, still looking tense.]

M: Yeah Delilah left a while ago, why did you ask?

E: I… um. It’s nothing.

R: Bullshit, I don't know what it is. But that is bullshit. I know that's bullshit, you know that's bullshit, hell Sparrow probably knows that’s bullshit.

W: Yeah man, you look fucking terrified. What's happening?

[Edgar takes a moment to consider his next words.]

E: What are the nightmares that you guys have like?

W: uhm, I mean. Fucking terrifying? Getting, uh, tortured again… The surgery with Hetch, killing you guys..a lot.

E: W– well. About that last one. E– ever been on t– the receiving end?

Sp: Yes. All the time.

W: Oh. Oh shit. Edgar..

E: I… yeah. It’s…

[Edgar takes a deep breath in.]

R: I'm going to choose to NOT talk about my nightmares tonight, what happened?

E: Nothing I couldn’t have predicted. This one was… one of the more common scenarios. We’re just… doing something, and suddenly you guys all fuckin’ turn on me and kill me. And I can feel it. Every goddamn time.

R: Oh…

M: I uh… Give me a minute.

[Mari takes their phone out of their pocket and props it against a pillow where everyone is in frame. They can then be heard walking away.]

W: You do know we wouldn't do that, right? Even if someone in here tried, do you think any of us would let that happen, Edgar?

E: I know, it’s just… they’re so fucking real. And I can’t wake up from them, even if I tried.

R: Dad I…

E: Can’t even do any of those reality checks, either! None of them work. I’ve tried all of them, so many fucking times.

W: …how long have these been happening, dude?

[Edgar looks up at Will, before looking off to the side.]

E: Are you sure that you want to know?

W: If you feel comfortable telling us, man, then yes. We care for you, Edgar.

E: [A sigh.] They started around… a day? After I got let out of… you know.

W: That's why you pushed me away that one time? The nightmares?

R: Or why you've flinched a few times when talking with me?

E: … yeah. Sorry.

R: Don't apologise… I understand we all do.

W: Exactly. You have nothing to say sorry for, man. You can speak to us about these things.

E: I don’t know why I didn’t say anything, actually. I guess I just thought that telling you guys that I’ve been having nightmares about you brutally murdering me would bring the mood down.

R: Dude… I…

W: I'd rather you tell us then see you having a panic attack every night, man. We all would.

[Edgar nods again, breathing out slowly, trying to calm himself down.]

Sp: Talk is good. Keeps the mind healthy.

W: Exactly.

E: Um. So… would you mind if I talked about the details? Just a little?

R: Go ahead.

E: Alright. Uh… so, to explain the gun thing… after you guys all attacked me, I managed to get up and run out the door. But… someone shot me, back of the head.

W: Fuck, man..

R: Who… Do you know who?

[He wrings his hands, not looking at anyone in the room.]

W: You can tell us if you want man, don't feel pressured to.

E: [Quietly.] Rose.

R: …

[Rose coughs.]

R: [Quietly.] Oh.

E: Sorry.

W: please don't apologise.

R: What William said… I just… Didn’t expect that.

E: I… alright. I’m honestly just glad this one was with you guys. Because when it’s you, I can confirm that you wouldn’t do that. But, with others…

Sp: Others as in? If you are potentially referring to other friends. They wouldn't hurt you either.

E: Others as in Jenny, and Daff, and… Marv.

W:..we still haven't heard from Marv, have we-

Sp: MAMA WOULDN'T HURT YOU!

[Sparrow slams down on the side of the wagon only to be grabbed by Rose.]

R: Not now firecracker.

E: I know she wouldn’t, but it really doesn’t help when I thought that she would for about two and a half weeks! It’s a hard idea to get out of your head!

R: Well she wouldn't, I know it's hard to believe but it's true… She blamed herself everyday since that damn show thinking you were dead.

E: Some part of my brain is very intent on convincing me that she’d shove a shard of glass into my throat, though. I know she wouldn’t.

R: Yeah, brains do that don't they?

[Out of frame, and mildly distant. Mari can be heard loudly screaming out of anger.]

W: Ah. Shit.

R: I'll deal with them in a while.

[Edgar, who appears to have tensed up after Mari screamed, attempts to lower his shoulders.]

W: You're good Edgar, you're safe.

E: Mhm. It’s just… I’ve heard that many times. Brought up an old one I thought I could forget about.

R: Huh?

W: Oh shit, man.

E: Yeah. There’s… a lot of variety in what happens in those things.

W: Fuck..

[Just then, Mari comes storming into frame shouting.]

M: IF YOU THINK I'M GOING TO HURT YOU SO FUCKING BAD! YOU MAKE THE STUPID FUCKING ESCAPE PLAN!

[Mari throws a notebook at Edgar and a pen at Rose.]

M: BECAUSE IT WORKED SOOOOOO WELL LAST TIME! YOU FUCKING PLAN.

[Mari turns around and storms out of the hideout.]

R: I'll deal with that in a few minutes.

W: You know what? let me go after them. That was fucked.

R: Will buddy. I don't trust Sparrow alone with me and Edgar. Last time it was just me and him, he did donuts in the sonic parking lot.

[William seems to have his fists curled.]

W: Fine.

Sp: Uncle Edgar, are you ok?

[Edgar, who appears to have hunched his shoulders up again, as well as tensing up fully and leaning away from where Mari had come from, shakes his head slightly. His breathing sounds to be more shallow.]

W: Am I okay to come closer, man?

[A nod.]

[Will moves closer, sitting by his brother and just hugging him.]

R: Once Edgar is ok, I might not be back until the morning. Ethan? Can you make sure to do the night-time routine with Will in case Delilah doesn't come back before Will falls asleep?

?: Oh, yeah! ‘Course!

[Voice identified: Ethan Nestor.]

Eth: Where's the keys?

Sp: I have them in case Rose falls asleep or leaves. Because I never leave.

[Sparrow holds out the keys before putting them back in their pocket.]

R: Cuffs are connected to the metal pipe.

Eth: Okay, cool! Thank you both

R: Dad, is it cool if I leave?

E: [Quietly.] Yeah. Yeah it’s fine.

[Will is still hugging Edgar.]

R: Cool, any requests?

Sp: Can you kick them?

W: Send them my fucking “best” regards.

R: That is very fucking vague dude.

W: Bite. Punch. Swear. Yell. I don't know man, I'm angry.

E: … Please don’t hurt them too badly.

R: If they talk shit, I'll do what I have to do. I don’t take disrespect well.

W: Neither. Thank you.

R: Yep, later guys and Sparrow.

Sp: Bye bye.

W:..don't kill them.

R: I… Will try.

[Rose hops up and walks out of frame humming a song identified as “The hamster song.”]

[As soon as Rose is out of the hideout, Edgar looks up at the other people left, a very upset expression on his face.]

Sp: Yeah?

E: Today has… not been a good day for me, has it.

W: not everyday has to be, Edgar.

Sp: What Will said. I do not have many good days inside… As in mentally.

E: I’d rather have good days, though. I feel like I haven’t had many recently. With the whole… remasking and… other things.

W: That's a fair enough feeling, dude. I promise you, good days are coming.

Sp: They need to. Or aunt Rose might set this mall on fire.

E: I might do that, too.

W: Me three. Fucking secret santa is the least of our worries.

Sp: I just want to see Cassidy… And Mama.

E: You will, Sparrow. I swear on… what’s something I can swear on… hold on.

Sp: Hm…

W: Oh?

?: [TTS.] Ruby's grave?

[Voice identified: Peony.]

E: No, I… hm. Maybe on…? No, that’s…

P: [TTS.] Sparrow's legs?

Sp: Those don't work though…

W: I got nothing.

E: Fuck it. I swear on my parents graves that you’re going to see them.

Sp: Oh… I see.

P: [TTS.] How many people here. Have dead parents? Or birth parents. In Rose and Sparrow's case.

W: I mean, I'm an orphan. I have no fucking family outside here.

Sp: Incorrect. Edgar is you- Oh wait. Nevermind.

E: I can’t be everyone’s father. Will is more like a brother, than anything.

Sp: I WAS GONNA SAY BROTHER. I just didn't hear Will correctly.

E: Haha, yeah, I got that. I… my parents weren’t murdered or anything, Stacy said it was natural causes.

P: [TTS.] So. Everyone?

Sp: Actually, Rose's birth mom might still be alive according to Emi.

P: [TTS.] Rose's birth mom. Is a. [Loud beep.]

W: Well fair enough-

E: And, just for reference, I know that Mari’s father is dead for a fact.

P: [TTS.] Who?

E: Barely matters, he was a dick. His name was Tom.

Sp: Here let's try something.

P: [TTS.] Oh so another-

[Sparrow finishes Peony's sentence.]

Sp: -Bitch.

W: Yep.

E: Smart, and yeah. I snapped his neck with my crowbar a while back. No regrets.

P: [TTS.] Cool.

Sp: Yeah.

W: wish I could've got a hit on ‘em.

E: If you were there, I would’ve let you have a few. He was fun to hit. I wish I could do it again.

W: Honestly, seeing the transcript was satisfactory enough!

Sp: Hm… Hm…

E: Sorry, is this, uh, bothering you?

Sp: No, thinking.

Eth: do you guys want food or anything? I'm about to grab some for myself, so?

Sp: I'm fine.

Eth: Edgar? Will? You guys want anything?

E: If you don’t mind, yeah. Just anything is fine.

W: I'm good.

Eth: Okay! There should be some stuff over here!

[Ethan walks out of the camera frame.]

Sp: UGHHHHHHHH.

[Sparrow throws a soup can at a wall out of frame, it hits with a loud thud.]

E: Woah! Sparrow, what’s up?

Sp: I want a ham and cheese sandwich, and I want to remember my birth name.

E: Ah, well. I’ve been in one of those situations before. We’re working on it, I promise.

P: [TTS.] Speaking of. Working on it. Who is Marcy?

E: Some girl that was with Rose and Ruby, I don’t know too much about her, other than she’s been living in Vegas.

P: [TTS.] What is. Vegas.

E: It’s a place, I guess. Lots of gambling there.

P: [TTS.] Ew.

Sp: WAIT! Dad told me Ruby dated a girl named Marcy in high-school… Hm.

W: Oh? Ex lover maybe?

Sp: I dunno… It is… wholesome? how they were both in the mall at the same time.

W: I just feel sorry for both of them.

E: Hm…

Sp: Yes?

E: Sorry, just… the name is starting to sound really familiar.

W: Did you guys know each other maybe?

Sp: It's possible.

E: Maybe, if Ruby and Marcy were together in high school. Just have to think on it for a while.

Sp: Yeah…

W: I think they would've been?

Sp: He never said how long they dated, just that they did.

W: Hm..

E: Either way, we probably went to school at the same time.

P: [TTS.] Mari's phone is on. Hate to get in. The way. But it's on.

W: For fucks sake! Every time!

Sp: End transcript.

[Transcript ended.]

[vacantgodling]

WIP PLAYLIST TAG

i was tagged by @magic-is-something-we-create thank you so much :3c

Rules: list at least 4 songs from your current WIP playlist or a writing playlist you’ve been using lately, and the lyrics that speak to you the most! Then tag 4 people (or as many songs as you listed).

i have a lot of scattered playlists for my wips, but if we’ll do paramour cuz that’s the most developed one lol. i’ll throw 4 songs on shuffle :3c

KING FOR A DAY — PIERCE THE VEIL

this is also definitely amon’s theme song

You told me think about it, well I did

Now I don't wanna feel a thing anymore

I'm tired of begging for the things that I want

I'm over sleeping like a dog on the floor

Imagine living like a king someday

A single night without a ghost in the walls

And if the bass shakes the earth underground

We'll start a new revolution now

ADIEU — RAMMSTEIN

Everyone dies alone (All alone)

But you will always be with us

LUCIA DI LAMMERMOOR ACT III SCENE 2

it’s hard to find a translation so i’ll just explain why this song is here: this is an opera based off of an italian novel where a woman is forced to marry a man she doesn’t want in order to improve her family’s fortunes and she ends up killing him. this scene is after she stabs her husband and imagines what it’d be like to be with her lover lmao. like lowkey is this not the plot of paramour 😭 except hya gets to be with his bae and doesn’t yknow. fall into madness hamlet style lolol. anyway the song is very beautiful and in general just fits the vibe of paramour both in actual plot/content and the sound so like if you’re chill with operas you should listen to this song lol

FANTASY — VIXX

Pain pain
I can be in more pain
Even if I get torn apart and cut by knives
I only need to have you
Your existence is heaven and hell

and i’ll tag @henrike-does-writing-sometimes @magic-is-something-we-create (again cuz i want to see your other playlist bops 👀) @mjjune & @jezifster (no pressure :3)