#....not as much as i was expecting but THERE IS GORE.

[zzoguri]

safe haven (how much longer do we have?) ➵ kim taerae

kim taerae x reader, slight sung hanbin x reader

you can only hope for more tomorrows with taerae.

genre/warnings ➵ strangers to lovers, heavy angst with a happy ending, touch of fluff, afab reader (no gendered terms), lowercase intended, apocalypse au, hurt/comfort (both physical and emotional), depictions of grief, descriptions of gore/blood, use of guns, allusions and discussions of suicide, minor character deaths, hanbin is your ex, zhanghao and matthew appearance :’), elements of the last of us (don’t support neil druckmann!), mostly written in past tense (because u’re remembering!)

word count ➵ 6.2k words

inspired by ➵ “anaheim” by niki, “are you happy?” by wavesmp3, “love wins all” by iu, episode three of hbo’s the last of us, and “you’re gonna carry that weight” quote from cowboy bebop

a/n ➵ thought i'd make my official debut to zeroseblr with this lil piece that i absolutely love!! i hope you guys look forward to more zb1 fics from me :DD here's the original one if you're interested! if you enjoyed reading, please do reblog and leave feedback!

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time was the one thing that occupied everyone’s minds. it held value, something that shouldn’t be wasted, and people revolved their lives around it.

questions flew around with every tick and tock—what day is it today? when’s your next doctor’s appointment? how long has it been since you’ve last seen your friends from high school? until when does this meeting last? 

as the hands of the clock continue to rotate, the calendar pages would flip along. birthdays were celebrated with every revolution as candles on cakes were lit up, awaiting the puff of celebrants as they wished for their desires. holidays were ones to look forward to; people dressed up to celebrate periods of the year that mattered to them while others slept in until noon. and days were spent counting down until graduations, where caps with tassels would fly to the expanse of blue and orange as cheers and sobs sound throughout.

but now, no one keeps track of time. clocks stopped moving and calendars weren’t produced annually. once the surge of the infected took over, grabbing on humans, taking them away from the lives they’ve lived, everyone ran like they were running out of time. with every second that passes, people are ridden with possibilities of how they might bid farewell to life itself—would it be through the hands of the infected or their own?

now, only one question echoes within their minds: how long do we have?

yet, the clock continues—tick, tock, tick, tock. it keeps going, and going, and going, like how everyone expects it. while everyone seemed to let time go, you still kept track of it all: birthdays, holidays, a graduation you never had.

the outbreak hit two years ago on the day of hanbin’s graduation. cheers turned into screams. white togas and diplomas were splattered with red. the lively became lifeless.

you remember hanbin’s hand in yours, fingers gripping you as if you were his life, as you charged out of the gymnasium, legs keeping up with the speed of his. you darted off to nowhere as images of the infected tearing people apart took up every block, all the way from skin to bone.

and while it was a rush of tragedies, hanbin was the only hope you had.

“keep your eyes on me,” he glanced at you, eyes off the path as he met your gaze. “don’t look at them. only look at me.”

it was impossible to ignore the wails that filled your ears, but you would repeat his words—his soft-spoken voice—to drown them out.

by nightfall, you and hanbin found yourselves in a motel room, skin cleaned from blood splatters and dressed in clothes that engulfed your figures, and in each other’s arms on a twin-sized bed. the duvet that wrapped around you two is thin, not at all keeping you warm for the night, but the warmth of hanbin was enough to provide you a sense of security—stability amidst the ever-changing world.

he whispered into the crown of your head, words meant to dispel your fears, all while you sobbed into his shirt. there was nothing that he could do but stay strong for you.

and for a few days, that room acted as your safe haven. the time spent within those four walls is the life you imagined your future with hanbin. it would’ve been in a two-story house with a garden where a singular orange tree stands, lounging on the couch as you played movies to fall asleep to, but all you had was an old room with a carpeted floor with unrecognizable stains and a bathroom unable to fit two.

yet, you would choose this over anything. even if it meant eating instant noodles for every meal or sleeping on a mattress that ruins your backs, you would choose this if it meant hanbin would be with you.

still, time continues to move. hanbin knew that you both couldn’t stay in that room or else the infected may reach you. so when you both went to bed on that last night, you outlined his features from the space between his eyebrows all the way to his lips, and you spent that time memorizing his warmth to carry with you for the rest of your life. you could only hope that he stays with you until the end.

after a month passed, you and hanbin met zhanghao, an injured boy who only wanted to live. at first, hanbin was hesitant to take the stranger in, but you wouldn’t allow yourself to live with the idea of abandoning someone in need. in a world where the infected have taken over, it only seemed right to help out others, save them from a fate they’re not ready to meet.

what started off as a pair turned into a trio. you’ve learned more about what it takes to survive in this life. long gone is the need for money to buy necessities; you need to scavenge if you want to live in an infected-ridden world. thanks to zhanghao, you and hanbin got to learn about how to find supplies in every building that you pass on the journey.

but it’s not enough to know where to find food and bullets. hanbin decided that it was only right to teach you how to use a gun. with every morning that came, you two spent hours learning how to hold, reload, and fire.

“don’t worry,” he told you as his chin hovered over your shoulder. you both stared at the tin can situated on a stack of boxes only a few meters away. “you won’t have to worry about fighting alone. i’ll be here with you.” as you exhaled, your eyes zeroed in on the target. “now, shoot.”

six months have passed, and you were happy that you were still a trio. zhanghao became your best friend over that time. his laughs were enough to shine glimmers of hope onto you. you were glad that you decided to help him off the ground and tend his bullet wound that day.

until you found yourselves retreating from the horde of infected.

time moves at a constant speed but it can become swift if it decides to. when you and zhanghao reached the doors leading to safety, you remember seeing hanbin fighting off those who were once like you, bullets firing at their heads. you remember your screams, telling him to run to you—go to where it’s safe—so that you can keep having tomorrows with him.

yet, hanbin glanced at zhanghao, nodding at him before his eyes met yours. you watched how his mouth moved, a soundless three-word phrase leaving him before the doors shut before you. you would’ve pried them open but zhanghao kept his arms around you, holding you back. from letting the infected reach you. from letting hanbin come back to you.

the wails that left you are enough to attract the infected. if only the infected were to burst through the doors, grab onto you and bring you to hanbin, then maybe you would stop crying. yet, zhanghao dragged you away. you never saw him as your best friend after that.

a month passed, and you still refused to talk to him. the boy tried to strike up a conversation with you, trying to earn your laugh like he used to, but he was only met with a cold shoulder. with every brick he put, you smashed your sledgehammer against it, dispelling any hope he had in rekindling his friendship with you.

the two of you learned to live in silence, fighting for survival while dealing with the loss of the one who would always bring you both to safety.

until you came across another boy who pointed his gun toward you. his defensive demeanor reminded you of hanbin, and you wondered if this was his doing—his reincarnation. but before he could pull the trigger, zhanghao saved you from meeting your fate.

somehow, the duo had turned into a trio once more. you still refused to talk to zhanghao, but would eavesdrop on the conversations he shared with the stranger. you learned that the new addition is named taerae.

but even the stranger wasn’t enough to fill the void that hanbin left. with every nightfall, when the soft snores of the two boys filled your ears, tears streamed down your face as sobs threatened to spill out of your mouth. the palm of your hand wasn’t enough to muffle your weeps. behind your eyelids, hanbin’s last words to you play on repeat. the ones he failed to say. the ones you’ll never hear again.

maybe if you didn’t leave that motel room then he would’ve still been with you, arms finding their place around your waist as he trails kisses all over you. if the outbreak didn’t happen, then maybe you would be living in that two-story house with him. maybe you would wake up to a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice by the bedside table and the warmth of his lips on your forehead. and maybe you could finally tell him yes before he slips the silver band on your finger—you could’ve grown with him until your hair turns grey.

the weight you carry never got lighter with time. the void continued to consume you whole with the goal of ripping you apart. as another month passed, another life was lost—not to the infected but to the raiders.

“hao, you have to stay with me.” those were the first words you told him since hanbin’s death. crimson continued to spill out of his abdomen through the gaps between your fingertips in the same way tears flow out. “taerae! find gauze, betadine, anything!” you never glanced at the stranger, keeping your gaze on your best friend whose eyes continued to droop.

still, zhanghao caressed your face, thumb wiping teardrops. as he slowly entered territories that you both knew he would never escape, he grinned at you one last time. “i missed hearing you. i’m glad you’ll be the last thing i hear.”

but you tried to tell him that you couldn’t be the last voice he heard. it should’ve been with someone he can imagine his future with, maybe in a two-story house or a cramped flat in an apartment complex. he deserves more tomorrows in the same way hanbin did.

but time continues to move. it took him away from you in a matter of minutes, slithering away without a second thought and no regard for the value of life, and all you were left with was his temple—still. lifeless. as you sobbed into his shirt, still holding the wound, the warmth of taerae’s hand stayed on your back, moving along with your wails. 

now, you carry the loss of two. it never got easier with time.

taerae still sticks with you. it only seemed right. stay strong in numbers as you wander off to nowhere, grasping at the loose ends of survival.

two weeks have passed. you and taerae got used to the new dynamic; while he went hunting and you were tasked with scavenging, you both played your roles in combat, ready for any raid or horde. when night came, you both took shifts, keeping watch while the other got some shut-eye.

until that one evening.

you recall the sounds of wood crackling from the fire. it stood strong against the breeze—burning, shining—surrounded by greens that latch on browns. hues of amber cascaded over your skin, painting you with warmth—it’ll never compare to the one you craved. your eyes drifted to taerae who sat across from you, his eyes trained on the fire as he rubbed his palms together. perhaps he craved the same type of warmth you longed for.

“we used to be three.” his eyes snapped towards yours. “before you came, we used to be three—zhanghao, me, and—” it rose in you like bile, wanting to escape but never leaving. “we were three then.”

you glanced at the fire that continued to burn. “we met zhanghao a month after the outbreak, spent six months together until—” the claws of the void struck against your throat, holding you back from sharing with the stranger what your life was before he came. while you never found the right words to say, taerae never pushed, letting you say what you wanted to share while filling in the blanks on his own. 

“i resented zhanghao after what happened.” you moved your gaze to taerae whose eyes never left you. “refused to talk to him. refused to forgive.” and you remember how you hesitated, taking a deep breath in before sputtering out the next sentence. “refused to accept.”

nine months ago, the outbreak didn’t happen. nine months ago, you were attending hanbin’s graduation. nine months ago, you two were imagining your tomorrows—together, for eternity.

and those nine months fractured all hopes and dreams; the glass is now littered with cracks, ready to burst into shards.

“but i think about the last time we saw zhanghao,” the image of him sitting in front of you all frail, treading the line between life and death, flashed in front of you; it’s quick but strong to remind you of what’s lost. “and i wish i could’ve learned how to forgive during those two months.”

but it was an impossible request. how could you ever forgive a boy you’ve known for only six months for taking your future away? how could you forgive a world that took him away? how could you forgive and live?

and still, you did.

you left it at that. they were enough. so when you told taerae that you’ll take over tonight’s shift, he never asked to hear more. instead, he laid near the campfire as you keep an eye out.

and once enough hours have passed, you allowed yourself to sob like other nights. the breeze that passed through branches reminded you of zhanghao; rustling leaves imitated the giggles of the boy you’ve only known during the apocalypse.

the wind that grazed against your skin should’ve been a nuisance, but the warmth of the fire wrapped you up like the duvet in that motel room. and you don’t complain—it’s the only part of hanbin you have left.

the heat was enough to last you the night, but the chill of reality sent you back to the void.

that night, taerae listened to your sobs. not one of you got enough rest for the journey.

another two weeks went by. you two got into a better groove of the routine; instead of hunting and scavenging in silence, you and taerae found yourselves talking more about your lives before the outbreak. you learned that he’s only a year younger than hanbin, and he shared that he had plans to pursue music.

“if the world finds a cure to this mess, you have to promise me that you’ll get me front-row tickets to your first show.” it was a joke. in what world could there be a cure for the infected? but the wishful thinking of what could be—what could’ve been—is all you had left.

still, taerae promised you that.

that night, you two stayed in the living room of an abandoned house. instead of lighting the fireplace, candles were placed on the coffee table. they shined in the middle of you two, you who stayed on the couch and taerae who sat on the mattress lying on the floor.

“where were you?” his eyes met yours. “on the day of the outbreak, i mean.”

he leaned back, hands resting on the mattress before he looked once more at the wax that continued to melt. “i was there for my upperclassmen’s graduation.” it hit you like a sudden downpour on a sunny day. “i knew the people in the music program and we were going to celebrate after. until the infected came.”

and when you said the name of the university, his gaze met yours as his shoulders stiffened. “m—my hanbin.” it’s the first time you spoke of his name, and the sight of taerae’s eyes widening over it was enough to speak for himself.

“i—i didn’t know,” he whispered, but his words were loud enough to shatter glass. “i only spoke to him a few times. he spoke of you with so much love.”

your heart skipped beats; it should’ve been enough to send you off into the same territories where hanbin and zhanghao now stay. your mouth turned dry as taerae’s voice morphed into radio silence.

before you knew it, the two of you left the information to hang in the air as you tried to drift into slumber. the clock continues to tick. minutes turned into hours; time moves like it usually does once more.

yet, you were stuck in the same gymnasium, fixing hanbin’s toga as you scolded him about how wrinkled it’s become—hey! you’ll go up on stage soon. we can’t take pictures of you like this. despite your words, he smiled at you before grazing his lips on your temple—his silent way of telling you the three-word phrase.

in a split second, you were off the couch. you barged out of the house, clutching your chest as the knot constricted your throat, and your feet dragged you off to nowhere. every sound has turned into a buzz—only the voice of hanbin being the one clear thing amidst the hysteria.

before you knew it, you stood before a horizon of green. it takes only one step into the woods, alone with no protection, for you to meet your demise. you would’ve charged into it in the same way you would’ve charged out to save hanbin that day.

all it takes is one step, and—

“what are you doing?!” a pair of hands gripped your shoulders, spinning you around until you were face-to-face with the last form of life that you know of. his breaths were short as his fingers dug into your arms. “you can’t just rush out in the middle of the night! i woke up worried sick.” his eyebrows knitted in frustration. confusion. distress. 

the voice was caught in your throat. how does one begin to unpack the baggage they’ve learned to carry? when the items they bring are revolting, rotten, repugnant, how does someone not feel shame about showing all the tattered-up objects?

how do you learn to open up to someone you’ve only known for three months?

your hands trembled; you’ve carried the weight of it all for too long.

in that split second, your nose met the juncture between his chin and shoulder. the material of his shirt against your cheek allowed you to bathe in what you miss—the hand of zhanghao that once caressed your face. the lips of hanbin that lingered with every kiss. all the moments that you hoped time would freeze just for you lives in the boy you stick with for survival.

all it took were taerae’s hands to rest on the lower side of your back for the tears to begin their stream. the sobs spill out. for once, they weren’t muffled like those other nights. they sounded throughout the space that surrounded you two. you allowed yourself to drop the baggage only for a few minutes.

taerae took you back to the house that night, allowing you to sob about all that you’ve kept under the wraps. when sunrise came, you found your legs mixed with his as his arms remained wrapped around you, and your ear pressed against his chest. the sound of his breathing is the one reminder of what a safe haven is. 

half a year went by. taerae still stays by your side. the baggage got lighter.

it should’ve been the same routine; taerae goes off to hunt while you scavenge, and you’ll take turns on the night shifts. but that night shifted something between you two—stolen glances, quiet giggles, linked fingers.

two months have gone by. the moon shined through the trees, their shadows cascading on an abandoned cabin that you and taerae decided to stay in for that night.

it should’ve been the same set-up as other nights spent in abandoned houses; you’ll sleep on the couch while he sleeps on a dragged-out mattress. instead, he sat with you, your back resting on his chest along with his hand staying on your arm. 

a lit candle rested on the table; its amber tones painted the taerae’s skin—close to the fruit tree that stands in your lost future.

“what would you do if there is a cure to this?” you watched how his fingers danced across your skin, calloused from plucking guitar strings or wielding a gun. 

taerae’s chest rumbled against your back as he hummed. “what would you do?”

a giggle left as you looked at the boy. “i was the one who asked you first!”

he shot you a grin as his hand slipped into yours. the candle continued to burn; it did a poor job of giving you light and warmth that night. but he did it all—one smile. one exhale. one indication to show that he lives.

“travel, maybe? or i’ll go back to writing music.” you nodded at his plans before looking back at the light source. “what about you?”

“i don’t know.”

there was no point in going back to university after such a catastrophe. if anything, the year spent surrounded by the infected, fighting for survival, has shown you that there’s more to life than the perpetual cycle of working a nine-to-five.

so…

“i would settle down if i could.” the wax continued to melt. “i think i’ve seen enough of the world. for once, i just want to stay home, indulge in my hobbies, live the life that i want.”

his breath grazed the top of your head. “with someone?” and suddenly, you became aware of it all—the heat that emitted from his palm, the movement of his chest against your back, the gravity of his question.

the words get caught in your throat. your heartbeat rang in your ears. for the first time since hanbin’s death, you considered it. 

“with someone.”

before you knew it, his hand caressed your cheek. you were forced to meet his eyes which glistened with devotion. he leaned forward, his breath grazing your skin while you held in yours. you didn’t miss how his gaze flickered to your lips before he met your eyes once more.

then, he held back. it’s a choice, one only you can make. but when your eyes shut, it’s a quiet plea—a silent yes.

his lips met yours. 

the warmth that blossomed in your chest wasn’t like the one in that motel room. not like the embrace of the one you’ve lost. it was one of all seasons—changing with the weather, bringing comfort throughout the everchanging times.

it’s a perpetual cycle of fighting for survival. you’ll endure through it all.

a month passed by, and you came across another boy on the journey. he’s named matthew, and he told you of a safe haven located in the town that you and taerae grew up in.

for a moment, it was an internal debate—should you go back to where the downfall started? can you go to where the memory of hanbin still lives?

but one glance at taerae was enough to settle it. the three of you embarked on your journey.

you remember that day. it was a walk with the goal of finding a car to make the journey back an easy one. the heat of the sun prickled against your skin, but you still kept your arms crossed.

“are you two together?” matthew asked, causing you to whip your head towards him. your eyes met taerae’s for a split second—confusion, dejection—before they landed back at the stranger who kept his eyes on the path you took.

“no, we aren’t.”

for the rest of the journey, it was quiet.

sundown came, and you found yourselves in a convenience store for that night’s shelter. taerae was in charge of taking the night shift, allowing you and matthew to rest up. when the stranger went off to sleep on the makeshift bed, you were left alone with taerae.

you watched how he cleaned his gun with a rag stained with dark splotches. the moon gleamed through the window—it cannot compare to how taerae shines.

you needed to get some sleep, is what you tell yourself. with one spin, you were about to make your way to where you’d sleep for that night.

“are we really not?” you halted in your tracks. you couldn’t look at him. “did it mean nothing?”

not a single answer left your mouth. your eyes remained straightforward, refusing to meet his gaze.

the warmth vanished with a lack of an answer. instead, it was replaced once more with the cold—the void—that attempted to consume you whole.

and when a scornful chuckle left taerae, you knew that you’d burnt the bridge. you walked away, leaving him to do his job, bidding farewell to the closest form of a safe haven.

two weeks went by and another goodbye had to be done. matthew stood in front of you two, a grin on his lips while tears streamed down his face. his arm was out, revealing a bite mark. the veins near the wound had already turned black. he would’ve turned in a few hours.

“go out.” those were taerae’s first words to you since that night in the convenience store.

you remember the last thing you told matthew before you left the room—you’ll get to your safe haven. the sobs that spilled out of him are ones you’ll never forget. and when you shut the door behind you, it took 20 seconds until you heard a gunshot. 

the weight got heavier once more.

another two weeks went by, and you and taerae found yourselves standing in front of the remains of a safe haven. the fences were torn down. streaks of dark red littered over pavements. not a single sight of a soul lived.

still, you two trudged your way through the town, all the way until you reached taerae’s house. like others, his was abandoned. the cream walls were littered with red strokes and vines. when you both entered, you didn’t miss how taerae’s eyes lingered on a photo hung on the wall—a picture of him, his sister, and his parents.

you gave him all the time he needed to explore, to sit with the mess, while you stayed in the living room. as you sat on the couch that had gathered dust, you caught sight of a bowl of plastic produce that rested on the coffee table. it held a variety of fruits whose paint had chipped: watermelon, chestnut, and fig.

but amidst the crowd of old, torn-down, plastic fruits, a strawberry and an orange leaned against each other as grime collected on them. once your hands reached out to the fruits, you pulled them apart—a mess of red and orange stained the two.

he came back to you in 30 minutes, eyes glistening with tears. yet, he only gave you a nod, and you two went to another house. 

you then stood in front of your old house with taerae by your side. weeds grew in the front yard, and the wooden exterior has turned a few shades darker. silence settled between you two. 

to be back in a place you grew up in, where all your memories live, is a process—a grieving one. being face-to-face with the damage brought by the infected can only remind you of what you had and could’ve had.

and once you made your way to your childhood room, you were reminded of all your hopes and dreams before the outbreak. dust rested on top of books. the laptop on your desk had no charge. potted plants have withered.

when you approached the picture frames found on your table, your hand darted out to a photograph of you and hanbin. there was no occasion when that picture was taken—the fact that you two were together was enough for it to be remembered. memorialized.

as you made your way back down the stairs, you saw taerae crouched in front of the console table with eyes trained on photographs. “was this your high school graduation?” you approached him and saw the picture he was referring to, you who stood beside hanbin with a big grin as his lips were on your temple.

“yeah,” you said as you crouched beside taerae. “we knew each other back when i was a freshman.” your fingers trailed on the wooden frame, gathering the dust before flicking it away. despite your efforts, it was still covered in grime, but you didn’t mind. 

“and you stayed together since?” all you did was hum. “did you find anything up there?”

for the first time since you entered your old house, you looked at taerae and he met your gaze. your eyes trailed his features. the eyes that speak of a thousand words. the lips that once kissed yours.

and it hit you like the gunshot that filled your ears, the breeze that rustled the leaves that one night, the doors that shut close. it was 20 months since the outbreak happened, 13 months since you lost hanbin, and 11 months since zhanghao told you his last words—but it was also 13 months spent with taerae, choosing to survive with him. 

“yeah.”

you found a lot of things within those four walls. there were books you once read growing up, stuffed toys you slept with, and the one picture of you and hanbin; they’re the remaining pieces you have left of a life that was good.

you would’ve kept it all, rebuilt the life that was ripped away by the hands of the infected—

“but nothing to hold on to.”

they’re memories, ones you’ll carry with you, but ones worth moving on from. 

“oh,” he said as his eyes still held your gaze. “okay.”

and with one exhale, you said, “let’s rebuild it, just a place for us two.”

it was a whirlwind of emotions in taerae’s eyes, ones you can’t identify. for a moment, you thought he’d say no. maybe he decided that 13 months was enough. one more day with you would be too much, and—

“okay.” when his hand reached out for yours, linking fingers with you like all other times, you gave him a small smile.

when you and taerae stood up, you made your way out of the house, off to find a place just for you two—a safe haven to last you many tomorrows with him.

a month passed. the safe haven was rebuilt; the fences stood strong with electrical wires and barbed wires, and the town was cleaned of all remnants of grime and blood. the two of you took up different tasks ranging from cleaning, cooking, building, and maintaining the haven.

but while you were okay with a knife, accidents did happen. “fuck!”

“what happened?” you remember how taerae came rushing in, only to see you pressing on the skin around the cut on your finger.

before you knew it, you were sitting down with him as he wrapped gauze around the wound. “taerae, it’s just a cut. i’ll be fine.”

“still, i don’t want you getting hurt.” you watched how his eyes were focused on treating your finger. “i’ll be in charge of cooking now.”

you shook your head. “no, i like to cook. i want to cook for us.” his gaze then met yours, his filled with worry while yours filled with determination. they flickered back to your finger, and his hands busied themselves with covering it up.

once he was done, his hand continued to hold yours. you remember the heat of his thumb as it drew patterns on your hand. he’s etched himself onto you.

his eyes met yours once more, and he said, “okay, just let me help out.” all you gave him was a nod.

another month went by, and you woke up to the sound of gunshots. you remember how hazy your vision was that night, fresh from sleep but panic coursing through your veins. and when you looked beside you to only see an empty spot, you didn’t think twice about rushing out of bed.

when you exited the house, you saw taerae holding his gun, firing at the people who attempted to tear down the haven’s fences. “taerae!” when he looked back at you, you caught sight of the crimson that poured out of his abdomen.

another gunshot was fired, grazing taerae’s leg, and he fell to his knees. you ran to him, reaching out to rest your hand on the wound as you began to sob. “fuck! you have to stay with me.” with his arm resting around your shoulders, you dragged him back to the house.

you set him on the table and moved his hand to hold where he was shot. “hold it.” you rushed to where the medical supplies were stored and gathered whatever you could hold. when you got back, you saw how blood continued to spill out.

you got to work, focused on trying to patch him up. making sure he stays. “you can’t go. i won’t let it happen.” and while your hands busied themselves with treating the injury, you remember how taerae’s hand caressed your cheek, thumb wiping away the spilled tears. 

“in the basement, there’s a piece of paper that has all the codes. if you ever—”

“no, you’ll be okay.”

still, he continued to talk. “if you ever forget the codes, you can always look at the paper. don’t forget that you need to always check the water system every two days, and—”

“taerae!” you croaked out his name in between sobs. “you’ll be okay. you have to, okay?” the more he went on about what to keep in mind, the baggage got heavier. “i can’t do this without you. i won’t allow it.”

because 15 months ago, you would’ve bid farewell to the mayhem. 13 months ago, you hoped for time to drag you away. 12 months ago, you would’ve walked into the forest. but it’s been 22 months, and you were still walking on this earth, choosing to live amidst the chaos—so long as taerae was with you. 

and when you leaned your forehead on his, eyes closed, you felt his breath graze against your lips. “i need you.”

all it took were three words from you. “okay.”

it’s been two months since that happened. the safe haven was rebuilt once more. you and taerae fortified the defense system, hoping they’ll be enough to keep any infected and raiders out. all that matters is that you two were protected—safe—from the chaos.

now, you sit on a couch as you flip through the pages of a book you didn’t have time to read before the outbreak. when all responsibilities vanished, you were able to find enough time to do things you couldn’t do then.

you were ready to get yourself sucked into the world of the novel, but taerae came into the living room with his hands behind his back and a small smile on his lips. “do you remember what you made me promise you before?”

you frown at him, confused, until he shows you an acoustic guitar. “oh my god, you found one?” you put the book on the coffee table.

he takes a seat beside you, body facing towards you as he rests the instrument on his lap. “here, front-row tickets to my first show.” you almost laughed because this is no stadium or club, but a home—one you built with him.

it takes only one smile from him for you to hold it back.

“any song requests?” he strums on the guitar strings, perfectly in tune. it’s almost as if he tuned it before coming to you.

a hum leaves you as you rest your head on your hand propped on the couch. “whatever you want to show me.”

it takes him a few seconds, fingers fiddling with the strings, until he figures out what to play. when he sings out the words—dearest, darling, my universe—you melt like the candles you lit up those nights. as he continues to play a song of a world in hysteria but a love that endures, that’s when you realize what you’ve had all this time.

time is the one thing that occupies your mind. it holds value, something that shouldn’t be wasted, and you learned to revolve your life around it.

it takes you two years to figure out that life doesn’t end after the outbreak—and 17 months to realize that your safe haven is not a two-story house with an orange tree in the garden but the boy in front of you.

when you lean closer to him, his fingers falter, messing up the chords. your hand reaches out to caress his face as your eyes flicker to his lips. you don’t miss how taerae holds his breath, how he stops playing the guitar, how his eyes look back at yours—it’s a slurry of warmth, tenderness.

“i love you.”

all it took was a three-word phrase from you for him to close the distance.

the warmth that spreads within you is like the one you experience in the abandoned cabin. but now, you’re full of hope—a reason to stay—in an infected-ridden world.

now, only one question echoes within your mind: how much longer do we have?

an eternity is what you hope.

taglist ➵ @kflixnet @blankjournal

[specialagentartemis]

thinking more about trigger warnings and. Bluntly, I think except for a couple specific types of things—like a rape scene in a book, or gunshot noises in an audio drama—content warnings are almost impossible to be useful when they come from somebody who doesn’t know you.

I talk about a really good horror movie I saw to my mom, and she asks, “Would I like it?” and I can say, “there’s one pretty bloody and gross scene, and one scene of a chimpanzee attacking somebody but it’s mostly offscreen, and otherwise, it’s mostly suspense and psychological, I think you’d like it.” That’s a content warning. It’s also only really possible because I know my mom and I know what makes her uncomfortable (gore and excessive violence, mostly). I was reading one of the bleakest, most depressing, most unsettling books I’ve read in my life, and chatting about it with a friend, and I said upfront that it’s bleak and upsetting, and also went into the background of the author a little bit—he wrote it as he was in and out of hospitals, dying of cancer. My friend’s dad was at that point in the hospital with cancer. Because I knew that I wanted to contextualize the book if he was considering reading it. A lot of the time when I’m talking about sci-fi books with another friend who reads a lot more of them and faster than I do, they will often let me know, “It developed a really bad straight romance halfway through,” or “the romance arc wasn’t awful but was annoying,” or “I actually didn’t mind the romance in this one.” These can be thought of as content warnings, telling me that kind of content to expect and brace myself so I don’t get disappointed by another stupid romance subplot in a book a otherwise was looking forward to. “It’s got SO much body horror” can either be a warning or a recommendation, depending on who you’re talking to. We trade our assessments of books, and let each other know what we might like and what we won't like. That's super important—and impossible to impersonalize.

Especially when it’s stuff like “yeah it was uncomfortably sexist” or “the author writes Asian people in a really uncomfortable way” or “there’s just random fatphobia consistently throughout” or “one of the magic things in it relies on the idea that love is what makes you human and people who don’t fall in love are monsters” which the author obviously isn’t going to warn for and is going to hurt some people more than others, and some people probably aren’t even going to notice. You kind of have to know somebody before you can assess what they might need to know going into something.

[tapeworrmart]

Self preservation 🧪

[loveroped]

,,Every step I took closer the feeling got more familiar. A stench if desperation and a taste of grief. It all felt like a treasure chest I couldn't open."

decided to draw plant hair/flower garden Scar from @stiffyck

Alt version under the cut! TW FOR ORGANS (an undetailed anatomical heart)

[gammija]

i REALLY enjoyed dungeon meshi, it has lovely characters and story and worldbuilding - but some of the posts and tweets i saw about it going in, lead me to believe that it had more horror/tragedy elements than it does. While it does have its more serious themes and dark moments, it fits solidly into the fantasy-adventure genre.

just thought I'd put that out there, in case some of yall following me for tma have gotten curious about it

[jfkisonthemoon]

i watched steins;gate

[sonicexelle-junkary]

Bitter Blood [A HungryHero.EXE fanfic]

“I can't wait to gut you out.”

(CW: descriptions of blood, gore, violence, bad language, and death)

A day used to feel short. Days that, even if it were cloudy and dull, would feel as cheery and sunny as always. Short days. Hours that felt like seconds. Today those hours felt agonizing. The cloudy sky was cold. The air, suffocating. Even a minute now felt like weeks. These emerald hills, this world, it didnt feel the same anymore. Not without him.

Why…. Why was he there? Why was he right there? Right there in the line of fire! He didn’t need to be here! Why was he there? Was it because of him? Because hes a canibal? Maybe he thought that he needed to help protect his image and thats why he came. Oh god. No. No it could’nt have been his fault! No! No No its not his fault! Its not his fault! Its- .... Shadow... Its Shadow’s fault. Its all his fucking fault!

That god damn dark and brooding prick! He couldn’t keep his mouth shut. He had to say something. Had to open his fucking mouth! He made him doubt. Doubt everything that he had thought about him. Made him think that he wasnt the best older brother hes ever had. But, Tails was always independent, even if at times he had to rely on his friends. It was expected, he was a kid. But out of everything, everything that that little fox had went through... It wasn't him, he wasn't thinking clearly, that fucking mutant made him confused. Whatever he said to him, it didn't matter, he implanted that stupid little thought in his head! And now he's gone... Because of him.

“.... I think its time to pay ol’ dark and handsome a visit”

———————

A black hedgehog stood atop one of the many loops of green hills. The naturally generated loops ironically always seemed just the slightest bit unnatural. Even so, they made great viewpoints when sat atop their grassy caps. Shadow, of course, knew this, he would always take advantage of their beautiful viewpoints when he wasn’t in the cities. It, accompanied by the quietness of the stripped fields and checkered soil, waved a calmness over the hedgehog. He wished Maria could see this place the most...

His thick fur shot up, a feeling of dread overwhelmed his body. He was not alone. Something was coming for him. His eyes darted around the area, his ears scanning the area for any noticable sound. His own breath and heartbeat felll silent to his ears. All that was around him was the sound of the wind and.... The dark hedgehog moved to the side just enough for a blurry blue streak to whizz by, barely grazing his nose. It created a sizable crater in the ground once it landed. The force it must've had to create that would have killed him almost instantly if they had collided.

Shadow watched as a blue hedgehog lifted itself from the rubble, coming out with no more than a few scratches and missaligned quills. It was Sonic. The hedgehog’s green eyes starred daggers into his own. A silver object glistened from him through the dust of the crater, A weapon. He waisted no time, Shadow dashed away, over the green hills, as fast as his air shoes could take him. He had no issue with matching or even surpassing Sonic’s speed at times, but something about that stare, how much velocity he needed to hite the ground with that much force…

Shadow ducked as the blue hedgehog came from his path with the intent to kill, narrowly missing his skin. He was in front of him? How was that possible? How fast was this hedgehog? Shadow watched as Sonic skidded and pivoted on a dime, using his momentum to come right towards him. He was always more skilled at his pacing than he was. A wobbly misstep threw Shadow off ballance, and sent the two hedgehogs crashing into each other, sent spinning and tumbling down the barred hills. At the bottom, the black hedgehog kicked the blue killer off forcefully, throwing him to the ground a few feet ahead. The two were quick to hop to their feet and back into battle. Shadow took a fighting stance.

“Enough! Stop this, Sonic!” Shadow shouted “Nothing good will come out of anything that you are trying to do!”

“Yeah, that’s where your wrong, Shadow” Sonic said “something good will come out of this… for me!” The hedgehog pulled out the decently sized blade he had kept hidden. He stared at Shadow, holding it with the intent to kill

“You plan to kill me? Have you forgotten who I am?” Shadow raised his fists at the blue hedgehog before him, he barred his sharp fangs “I AM the Ultimate Lifeform! I was built to be an ultimate weapon, but chose to protect others instead! I AM made of love! I AM the true hero of mobius! And I am not afraid to kill you to protect the world i voued fifty years ago, Sonic the Hedgehog!”

Admittedly Sonic was hurt by shadows comment, but it didn’t break him. He rolled his eyes “yeah, but i think it’s gonna be a lot harder without this thing” he outheald a green gem that glistened the same colour as his eyes. It was a chaos emerald.

Shadow patted his sides “what? How did you-!”

“You see, here’s the thing Shad. Of the whole time we’ve known eachother, i want you to know… I was holding back!”

Instantly the speedy hedgehog was gone, and just as quickly Shadow’s guard was up. If Sonic really wanted to kill him, he needed to be close. It didn’t seem like he was using chaos control, if he was then he could pick up on his chaos signature. Given enough foccus and it would be easy to track him. No, He could just faintly hear his footsteps, smell that sickly sweet iron smell that accompanied him. He was fast, faster than anything shadow had witnessed. he seemed as fast as super sonic. But he hasnt used the chaos emeralds. Has he really been holding back this whole-

A knife held sloppily, but with enough force could kill, grazed Shadows cheek as he narrowly doged another one of the blue hedgehogs attacks. “He’s to fast!” Shadow panicked eternally. He barely dodged another quick strike from the blade, it grazed off a few hairs of his fur. “I need chaos control if I can get a chance to-“

Shadow was spun like a corkscrew in the air and slammed hard into the grassy ground with a deafening thud. His ears rang from the force, he could have sworn he had a cuncussion. The blade plunged into his side and dragged across his stomach. A loud and horrid scream came out of him as Sonics eyes carefully watched the blade glide across his dark body, now stained with his green blood. He tried to move his foot up to push the hedgehog away, but it was quickly slammed back down to the ground with enough force that it should’ve broken it.

“FUCK!” Shadow yelped at his injuries. He bared his teeth and cursed at Sonic. “You’re fucking derranged-!”

Sonic grabbed him by his chin and brought him close to his own face “AND YOU’RE A FUCKING MURDERER!” He screamed.

“I didn’t do anything!”

“THEN WHY IS MY BROTHER DEAD, SHADOW? EXPLAIN THAT!”

“I-it was his choice! He could have left at any time! He could have not been there at all! But he came and he stayed because HE WANTED TO STOP YOU!”

A blade pierced through shadows hand. “DONT TALK TO ME LIKE YOU KNOW HOW HE IS! YOU WERENT THE ONE TO RAISE HIM!”

“AND YOU DO? YOU JUST CANT ADMIT THAT HE WOULD EVER BETRAY YOU-“ shadow screamed again, the knife turned in his palm.

“I’VE BEEN WITH HIM HIS WHOLE LIFE! SINCE HE WAS THREE GOD DAMN YEARS OLD! I HAVE BEEN THERE EVERY TIME HES NEEDED ME! I HAVE DONE MORE FOR HIM THAN YOU COULD EVER DO!” Sonics grip tightened on shadows face. His sharp fangs barred, all to the back hedgehog. “AND YOU! YOU JUST COULDNT KEEP YOUR STUPID PRETTY FACE QUIET LIKE USUAL, YOU HAD TO SAY SOMETHING! HAD TO MAKE HIM DOUBT ME!”

Shadow whimpered. He glowered at the cannibal “And so what if I did? None of this would have happened if you had just learned some self control! All of it... It’s all your fau- AUGH!”

Sonic plunged the knife into shadows shoulder, digging it in all the way to the handle “WHO WAS THE ONE WHO IMPLANTED THAT THOUGHT OF DOUBT IN HIM? WHO WAS THE ONE WHO USED CHAOS SPEAR? WHO WAS THE ONE WHO CAUSED THAT SCAFFOLDING TO FALL OVER? TELL ME SHADOW! TELL ME!”

Shadow shut his eyes and inhaled. The throbbing pain in his hand, his foot, his shoulder, his stomach, it all made him want to throw up. He shook as he glared at Sonic. “He was there because of you…”

—————-

The cannibal on top of him stared, stared directly into his eyes. His expression looked almost deprived of any emotion, but he was furrious. furrious and oh, so hungry. He craved for this black hegdehog since the day they met again in that cave. The blade slowly pulled out of the hedgehogs shoulder, dropping to his side. He leaned in close, close enough for Shadow to see his enlarged pupils and smell that scent that was sickenly sweet and iron-like from those who were his last meal.

“I can’t wait to gut you out.” The words came out of him were bone chillingly calm. Not even a cent of attitude or emotion that usually accompanied his tone. He was calm, those words were calm, but they were drenched in crazed anger.

He slowly raised the knife, preparing to strike one last time. Shadow needed to act now if he wanted to survive. A hit in the right place, with enough force, it will kill him. He didn’t have much chaos energy to use, and the adrenaline was waring off faster… fuck it. In a flash, the black hedgehog teleported away. Not far though, he could only make it a couple of miles. He gasped and clutched his gaping wound. Luckily the cut didn’t go to far deep, but still, he was pouring out blood. He held as tight as he could to lessen the bloodflow.

His vision was unfocused, he was becoming lightheaded from the blood loss, he needed help, but he needed to recharge his energy, and with his injuries it would take him longer than ever. Still, hes going to keep going. Shadow clutched his wound tighter as he slowly made his way across the hills that were now stained with his blood, whining as every step with his foot felt like needles shooting into his skin. Before, they could have beat eachother to a stand still, now... He looked back to see if Sonic knew where he went, chaos snap was not the best at hiding a signature. And perhaps, maybe Sonic did, as shadow saw that blue cannibal stare in his direction. or maybe at him.

“I’ll see you later, Shadow the Hedgehog” his voice echoed through the hills.

Shadow panted, a knot appeared in his throat. He gritted his teeth. “Go to hell, bastard.”

[loaflovesdoodling]

TW: HEAVY GORE, IMPLIED BONE INJURY, ANGST AND BLOOD UNDER CUT

Pleiades pleaded, as the Dollmaker's dagger dug deeper and deeper into his back, cutting right through his yellowish-colored flesh, golden blood spewing out, he had no way of fighting back, and stabs to the pancreas wouldn't have been enough to shut his cries up anymore.

His spine, she aimed at his spine. She tried to break it using her sharp blade, so she could easily rip it out of his body, leaving him absolutely motionless. She didn't care if he'd heal, like he always does, somehow; all she wanted in that moment was to make him suffer.

The warrior could feel costant hits on his vertebrae, like a hammer on a nail, it was terrifying, disturbing. painful.

His wails completely for naught. he felt a horrifying snap, followed by atrocious pain. His consciousness started fading away. All he could do... was look back.....

...and scream his heart out.

Dollmaker belongs to @ilikesillythingswooo

[himbo-in-limbo]

“The newcomer”

Tw kidnapping, gore, violence, intimidation,death,Blood

Yautja!Raian x Y/N the servant! (Gender neutral reader) //Chapter 1// guess I’m making more than one 💀

You don't know what god you might have pissed off to wind up like this...but surely no punishment could have ever warranted this!

All of your life you were treated like scum of the universe...being dragged off one space ship to another. Oh the horrors you've witnessed...

At this point you've become so numb the only feelings you had left were fear...and even that was starting to slip away as you started embracing the thought of the afterlife...

I mean hey, it can't be worse than this right?

Well...I guess you spoke to soon as your current prison

I mean ship was under attack...again...but this time things were looking really bad.. so bad in fact everyone just dipped and decided to abandon ship

There were limited escape pods and seeing how desperate everyone was already fighting for the rights to one you instantly gave up the idea of landing a seat in one...

So you just crawled under your bed and decided to wait for death to come knocking on your door...

Well there was definitely loud knocking and crashing sounds now...ohh lots of screaming too...ohh this was way to much so you just covered your ears and prayed it'll all end soon...

Eventually things got real quite, all those insane noises you heard were replaced by blaring alarms that rang throughout the ship...

No mop could ever hope to clean the bloody mess that laid out before you... skinless body's hanging.. everywhere...organs strewn about...the halls were just filled with blood...it was a total gore fest...

You cupped your mouth to stop yourself from gagging...ough the smell...you were very cautious when making your way to the escape room.. however...it looked like nobody was even able to take one... everyone was dead... EVERYONE...

Not that you had any family to begin with here but...who could have killed them all?! And so damn fast!!!

[a deep growling could be heard]...oh you didn't want to turn around...and you wouldn't have had the chance to, because before you knew it

Something grabbed your neck from behind.

[you screamed in terror of the being that was lifting you with such ease] it's like you weighed nothing to them!! Their hold on you was firm, there was no hope in escaping. And they knew that.

The alien was massive... easily 7-8 feet tall..you could feel how high off the ground you were! It began to inspect you and it made you face him. His skin was as pale as the moon, but at the moment they were drenched in so much blood...you now know who was doing all of the killing.

They began to speak...[HAHAH!!.. Thinking you could escape from me?! Piglet?!] Tears began to swell up but aside from the initial jump scare...you didn't protest much...you just kinda accepted the fact that this is where it'd all end...

The alien began to tilt his head in confusion..[Hah? Your not squirming as much as the others were?... we'll aren't you a brave one 🖤] he began to click in curiosity...

"Yautja!Raian...stop messing with the ooman that isn't our target...these beings are fragile you know..[another alien spoke] this Yautja!Raian fellow growled in response [Feh...] He loosened his grip and you fell hard to the floor gasping for air...you hadn't realized how much you were struggling to breathe

[If there's nothing more for me to fight here then I'm leaving] the burly looking alien stomped away while you were left behind with the other one..

Keep in mind you have absolutely no idea what they were saying...the only thing you could make out was that they were arguing and some how you were chosen to be spared???...you still think you were being punished by a god somehow...

Well the next thing you knew you felt something hit the back of your head and you blacked out...

You slowly woke up to a padded floor...way more softer than your old cell

I mean room, and very quickly you realized something was different with your attire...

Your ears, your neck, your ankles...they all had... jewelry?! Oof the neck piece was a tad bit heavy...ohhh no it's not coming off...and neither was the rest...

As a matter of fact your entire wardrobe was changed!! You were dressed in a white gown [in however manner suits your style] you started to take things slow and analyze your surroundings..

Then you heard a voice..."your the new one aren't you?" You quickly turned around to see other humans next to you! "We didn't want to scare you so we waited until you saw us.." they appeared to have the same jewelry as you....

"don't bother trying to take these off.. their tracking collars to make sure we don't escape..."

Oh good lord...you saw that they were at least 10 other humans with you..and you immediately began to ask questions about anything and everything...

"Were being kept as servants...if you do as your told….there not so bad…but don’t take their lack of aggression for granted!!! If you try to fight them THEY CAN AND WILL KILL YOU!!”

“So if you care about living just do as your told!"

Well you weren't going to protest against that...not like you had much combat experience anyways...

"So is no one going to tell them who their new master will be?" ……..

Huh? Why did everyone go silent? Why did they look so scared all of a sudden?

eventually you’d soon find out why…

[girlscience]

finished opla and have truly shocked myself.... i think sanji might be my favorite. he is just a little baby. i want to squeeze him so hard.

[robinsversion]

So I started watching the new don’t hug me I’m scared series…

[thevirginslvt]

the fear to move on to a new fandom with all my past fandom related sins !!?

[13eyond13]

I'll be honest, I did not expect to love Berserk as much as I do from the first couple of volumes of it

[b-rainlet]

Being called out on letterboxd

[danidoesathing]

oh dude i watched reanimator the other day bc of all your posts about it and there was something specific i wanted to say but forgot but anyway

damn you werent joking. about any of it

it kills me that all the climactic bad shit happened because herbert west may be a genius but hes also a fucking idiot who injected a body with reagent and then promptly forgot he did that and turned his back on it

DFLJSADS im so glad i could convince someone to watch it because those movies are. a fucking ride. i love campy 80s gorey horror movies like these they're so fun

THAT WAS MY EXACT FUCKING REACTION i went in like "yeah people talk about how gay it is but people tend to exaggerate so im assuming its like. Saw 1 levels of queer coded" AND NO. NO THEY WERENT LYING. THAT SHIT GAY. and like its even WORSE in the sequel somehow. like holy SHIT how do you make the plot of them making a fucking build-a-girlfriend and its gayer than the original

herbert west is simultaneously the smartest guy and also a fucking idiot. he managed to create something that can restart your brain but decides its a good idea to 1. use it on the guy he just decapitated and who hates his guts 2. injects both the body and the head with reagent and proceeds to only focus on the head. dude repeatedly reanimates corpses that has been only violent and hostile towards him in particular and he is somehow surprised every time

and its even funnier cause like. hes alive in the sequel and its never explained how he got out of that shit alive. last we saw him he was getting choked to death by some guy's insides and then he's. just here. this is how its gonna be and we're just moving on. no time to waste on things like "plot holes" and "on screen character deaths being undone" we've got places to be! bodies to reanimate! women to be sexist to!

[illdothehotvoice]

Replaying Mario the Music Box with my roommates and.. yeah...hm