#11 am feels like a bad time to post this and i had it queued for a second but i dont have impulse control

[bericas]

first kill appreciation week (day 1) → favorite character

it's all downhill from here.

[cluelesslesbian]

Check-In Tag✨

AKA a very long post about moi and this account bc I was tagged by the lovely @katelfiredemon <3

IF YOU SEE THIS, PRETEND I'M TAGGING U like this is completely optional (and long omg) so I don't wanna FORCE anyone to do it but asjhkl I think it's cute

1. why did you choose your url?

My og url was something dumb bc I only used tumblr to keep up with artists and writers I admired… this one is revamped to be ~relatable~ bc I wanted something that I felt comfortable adding on my art?? But ok-

clueless = because THERE’S TIMES THAT I’M A LIL SLOW TO GET A JOKE SDFHJKL

lesbian = bc I’m not out to my family but my sexuality is something I like about me,,, so I wanted to acknowledge it somewhere (and the anonymity of tumblr = ideal tbh)

2. any side blogs? if you have them: name them and why you have them

I made one like yesterday lol! It’s @blue-dragon-shin-ah and it’s for Akatsuki no Yona (an anime and manga I TOTALLY rec! It’s like a historical themed fantasy, comedy, romance WITH a found family trope it’s so good)

but ngl I have no clue how to keep track of more than 1 blog so it'll be a lot more inactive than this one asdhkl

3. how long you’ve been on tumblr?

hmm according to my tumblr account it’d be 2016 since that’s the oldest post I’ve kept (I deleted everything and revamped this acc in december 2020)

BUT I did the math and I would’ve made this account in middle school so around 2013-2014 lol I don’t think I used it much until voltron was booming in like 2016-2018.. Then I lowkey stopped… until now!

4. do you have a queue tag?

oof no

……...I probably should? like 90% of my blog is queued or scheduled… but ngl I barely remember to tag posts at ALL some nights so I probably won’t (rip if that’s annoying,, but I don’t make much og content so I figure anyone following me is chill with this lol)

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

In middle school?? To see funny posts and not be pressured into having an ~online presence~ tbh. That’s literally it lol

6. why did you choose your icon?

Matching with @lesbianklance rn! and keith's expressions r hilarious

Before I just,,, chose sokka bc I love that blue boi and the edit of him had a yellow bg that I LOVED (and matched with my pink theme)

7. why did you choose your header?

Matching with @lesbianklance rn! and klance sdjfhk

Before it was just a colour palette bc I wanted my blog to be my fav colour: PINK

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

My zukka art omg- like I did one that I put effort into which I KNOW is my top post (it’s got like 600 notes??? I still can’t believe it I love that!! 🥰)

BUT MY SECOND TOP IS A POST OF REALLY REALLY ROUGH SKETCHES OF THEM AND I LOWKEY CRINGE AT IT (it’s got like 500 notes.. And I’m like… y ?? I can DO BETTER 😭)

9. how many mutuals do you have?

…...listen I’ve literally never had mutuals until this year (minus my one irl.. I love u bitch!! but u know that bc we text on other platforms too)

idek am i supposed to be keeping track??? I just smile a lot when i see the darker-tinted notifs in my activity feed

10. how many followers do you have?

hmmmmmmm ok i lowkey don’t want to answer this bc my whole love for tumblr is that followers don’t matter? You could follow me today and unfollow tmrw bc i ship something you don’t and life moves on??? So yeah no answer here

11. how many people do you follow?

1807 babeyyyy

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

...wait define shitpost- technically any original post under #yeetidk might be a shitpost cause they’re all just?? my shitty rambles tbh???

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

Sometimes i’ve got the app open allll day long but other days?? I’ll go on like once in the morning or at night just to check my notifs and then that’s it

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

lmaoo bold of you to assume i interact with anyone enough to have a fight (AKA no)

If i did tho?? I’m the type to try and come to some middle ground before dropping the issue so idk- i’m more likely to lose bc i’m willing to （づ￣3￣）

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

Wish-granting/curse stuff: no.

Politics/Donation posts: depends! I try to only reblog posts like these that I know a bit about bc I don’t really wanna contribute to misinformation ykno?

I did start tagging these posts as #important but I’m not like?? gonna be mad at anyone for not reblogging political posts (also a heads-up if you wanted to block #important: I also tag some lgbt+ stuff under there so you’ll likely miss those too, not a huuuge loss but just an fyi yknow??)

16. do you like tag games?

asdfghjkl this is honestly the first tag game i’ve ever been part of so i have no opinion 😭 tho formatting this post has been a bitch asdhjkl I gotta get back to my homework when I'm finally done this

17. do you like ask games?

I've done a grand total of 1 and I felt so?? ashgjl awkward and bad for asking people to talk to me about myself- maybe if I do one that isn't about me I'll like it more

I do love sending other people anons to compliment them when they do these games tho 😌

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

....this requires me to pay attention to people I follow more than I have been so I literally have no idea??

19. do i have a crush on a mutual?

yes. the one readings this. love u, sweetheart 😘

/jokes

I don't?? usually get crushes? idek.. thought I was aromantic for a while bc of that lmaoo (but then I got a crush on someone irl and I was like "oooh ok so maybe im just gay then")

[allbeendonebefore]

I wasn't tagged by @judiejodia but i was mentioned in the post and encouraged to do this and tag her if i enjoy these kinds of things so I DID HA

[also me, still feels too shy to tag anyone else but you can say i tagged you if you want to do this too!]

1. Why did you choose your url?

two canadian hit songs that were influential when i was growing up in the early aughts. people can usually guess one of them but I don't think I've seen anyone guess both yet hehe.

2. Any side blogs?

@hyperboreanhapocanthosaurus - personal and political posts as well as general reblogs

@acetechne - art blog

@athensandspartaadventures - comic about ancient city state personifications

@battle-of-alberta - comic about modern canadian city personifications

@project-canada - i still admin this blog although i have zero plans to revive the project itself

@lazylacadaemon - studyblr although im no longer in school so there's not a whole lot there. If you want to talk about academics or ask for advice you can still shoot me a message there though.

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

uhhh 2010? 2011? something like that.

4. Do you have a queue tag?

Nope just assume 90% of what i post are queued lol

5. Why did you start this blog in the first place?

I wanted somewhere to post dumb comics about ancient history i started doodling in undergrad and people seemed to be migrating here from dA

6. Why did you choose your icon?

its a picture of me in crossplay as iamp alberta and thats as close as getting an icon with me on it as i will get lol

7. Why did you choose your header?

[checks what my header is] oh it's mama greece from hetalia, or at least how i imagined her before she had a canon-design. its my ancient/hetalia/history/whatever blog and i liked the drawing i did so i guess i kept it up haha

8. How many mutuals do you have?

UNKNOWN i mostly just talk to windex because quatsch is still waiting on her new computer/space to use it lol

i am notoriously bad at following people back partly because i am legit forgetful and also i think i make people nervous?? I'm also not a teenager anymore so I'm more cautious about following people I don't know in case they're not comfortable with it and idk their age.

Mostly i follow people who post stuff for fandoms i enjoy but i no longer use social media to keep up with what people are up to because It's Too Stressful to check up on everyone across every platform you have to write me a handwritten letter or bug me on discord if i need to know how you are at this point, i am both an irl and a digital hermit lol

9. How many followers do you have?

no clue, most of them probably aren't active anymore and a good handful are probably bots so i don't really feel i could give a Real estimate since i've been accumulating blogs for a decade

10. How many do you follow?

337 but probably over 90% are dead

11. Have you ever made a shitpost?

yes mostly about dead people and dead languages

12. How often do you use tumblr a day?

i check pretty frequently and if theres no news on the big tumblr i open the small tumblr on my phone and thats a problem

13. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

not directly but some dude is going around arguing with people who post about herodotus and i don't have the patience to respond to him explaining my own shitposts to me after seeing him sealion other bloggers on tumblr.clown.edu so i do not engage

14. How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

bad. i ignore every time. it's not as bad as it was ten years ago but it's still really annoying. (unless its like on a picture of a cute animal thats fine)

15. Do you like tag games?

yes i am just notorious about not tagging anyone in them

16. Do you like ask games?

yes and likewise lol although i think my answers are usually either quite boring or very sarcastic hahaha

17. Which mutuals do you think are tumblr famous?

I Do Not Know who are you guys

18. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

if we are mutuals come to my house i make you soup

[impossible-rat-babies]

18 questions!

i got tagged by @eydika <3 uhhh im lazy so im not gonna tag anyone else, but if you wanna do this consider yourself tagged!

1. why did you choose your url?

i dunno i liked impossible-rat-babies and needed to change my old url. i like the way this one sounds lmao

2. any sideblogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them.

none that i wanna name. it’s mostly url hoarding. i kept my old url for redirect/so it doesn’t end up being sp*m. my oldest url had that happen and i regret it lmao

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

archive says ‘13 but it might have had it longer

4. do you have a queue tag?

once, but then i got lazy. most everything on my blog is queued though so im not on here all the time

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

it would be a fun app and it seemed interesting from what my friend told me. i’ve gone through phases on this blog over the years. 

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

it’s cute and the art is cute (by @/kruk-art)

7. why did you choose your header?

succulents are cute + i wanted something patterned that matched the color vibe

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

some dragon age 4 shitpost, i think. maybe the varric one, i dunno.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

i don’t know, but i cherish the lot of them even if we don’t talk. i don’t super care about mutualship and feeling like you have to foster a friendship. besides just making friends is cooler

also i appreciate the dragon age ppl that have stuck around y’all are the real mvps ;--;

10. how many followers do you have?

too many lmao

11. how many people do you follow?

362. but i should weed them out again for inactives

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

i mean. me talking on the daily is a shitpost

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

not as often as i used to. i have a queue and im around mostly to check that + do a quick scroll of what happened while i was asleep. nothing else really.

14. did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog? who won?

no. im too much of a weenie for that + if it’s not something serious then it’s like ?? just disengage and move on

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

my eyes glaze over and i scroll past. same with the half dozen comments under posts

16. do you like tag games?

yes ! i love them ;--; i never wanna put pressure on folks to do them though

17. do you like ask games?

yes! i am just bad at never finishing them.

18. do you have a crush on a mutual?

sksdhfjk i dunno. im too ??? about everything ever to have crushes

[arofili]

how’d u get into writing? like, writing fic and being part of the silm community, being Known, that stuff? i’m really new to being a silm cc and i’d love to know ur advice! also: how’d u build up the confidence to start posting meta/hcs? bc i have a Lot of hcs and meta ideas but also i’m really anxious abt posting them bc yknow anxiety is like that

these are some great questions, anon! I’m gonna go through them one by one :)

how’d u get into writing?

not to be like, super cliche, but I’ve...kind of always been a writer? as long as I can remember I’ve been telling stories, and when I was too young to read or write I would dictate them to my mom, who would type them up for me and help me choose clipart illustrations to accompany them. when I got old enough I would always be writing; I attempted my first novel at age 9, and while that never really went anywhere I did finish the darn thing and it had some pretty sophisticated plot twists for a 9-year-old!

like, writing fic

around the same time I got into fandom! I was deep into Warrior cats (like. really deep) and I believe I started writing my first fics when I was like? 10 or 11? my memory is kind of fuzzy on the order of things, but I know I got an account on the Warriors forums when I was 9, and that I was already posting my fic there when I made my FFN account. I believe I was 12 when that happened, but who knows. I haven’t the faintest idea of what happened with those forums, but uhhh pretty much all of my Warriors fic is still up on FFN lmao. you could probably find that if you want to but um...maybe don’t?

my first Big Fic was a self-insert of...my entire 5th/6th grade class into the then-current timeline of the Warriors books...well. I honestly think that might still be my most popular fic of all time l m a o though I try not to think about it because Hashtag Cringe. though as much as I look back on that time with a “yikes,” I am very grateful for the Warriors fandom in a way? that place was so accepting and encouraging of OCs, of AUs, of completely disregarding canon, of worldbuilding that is completely alien from canon - it was a fantastic sandbox to begin with, there were so many ways to write stories and practically all of them were accepted and had fellow fans invested in them!

and being part of the silm community, 

soooo I wrote Warriors fic until my freshman year of high school (wow sdjfhkdsjfh), which was when BOTFA came out, and I was absolutely wrecked by the ending and immediately started writing my own fixit fic. I was also super hooked on Kiliel! so that was my intro to the Tolkien fandom; and simultaneously, I joined tumblr, and, well, the rest is history tbh.

I honestly do not remember when I first read the Silm, but I kind of got into the more obscure parts of the Tolkien fandom through fandom osmosis, and I do have a vague memory of doodling the Finwean family tree in geometry class so it might have been later on in freshman year? that was also the same time I was having my Queer Awakening, and Russingon definitely contributed to me unlearning my internalized queerphobia, so probably around then.

anyway - queer awakening, tumblr, Tolkien, transitioning from FFN to AO3 - all of that was happening around the same time. I know I dipped my toes in the Silm fandom then, but I was still primarily a Hobbit fic writer focusing on Kiliel. toward the end of high school I kind of shifted to LOTR and (qp) Gigolas...but somehow the Silm fandom is the most active of the Big Three within the Tolkien fandom, and I was getting dragged further and further in.

it wasn’t until @backtomiddleearthmonth 2019, my freshman year of college, that I really dove into writing Silm fic! I picked some Silm-specific bingo cards and never looked back :D that was really not all that long ago but I am obsessed in a way I don’t really remember being even with TH/LOTR, I obviously cannot see the future but I anticipate hanging out here for a long time. the Silm fandom is great overall and there’s just so much material to work with!! <3

being Known, that stuff?

so I don’t really have a whole lot of context on how “well known” I am in the fandom?? definitely within the past year and a half or so I’ve noticed that I like, get asks like this, and get a significant amount of notes on my posts, and I’ve made a lot of fandom friends especially since I joined some Silm servers on Discord (hmu if you want invites; I’m on the SWG server and 2 general Silm servers and the Russingon server) this past year. and I have 3,000 followers as of this month - and while ever since I hit 1k I don’t particularly pay attention to my follower count I can definitely say that I have more engagement now than I used to! but it took me a long time to build this “audience,” I suppose; I’ve been around the Tolkien fandom since late 2014, so nearly 6 years of this, lol.

really the best way to build a following, in my experience, is to just post a lot of stuff. when I started making edits I got a lot more engagement, because for a long time I would post one every day! (I made them in batches and queued them; I didn’t actually make one every day lol...and now I’m too busy to do that, so I just make edits for events and whenever I feel like it) And I have [checks ao3] 145 works in the Silm fandom as of today - I’m fairly prolific! I’ve come to generally expect 3-10 comments on most of my oneshots, which is a lot more than I used to have back in the day. consistency and quantity are more likely to attract people to your work - and quality, of course.

also: how’d u build up the confidence to start posting meta/hcs?

I’ve been writing since I was very young, and I’ve been writing fic for like...11 years? I think? in that time I’ve produced a lot of garbage, but imo most of that was in my Warrior cats phase, so I came into the Tolkien fandom with confidence in myself and my writing. I’m also working on original fiction on the side (I hope to eventually become a published fantasy author, but right now school takes up most of my time that I don’t devote to fandom, which gives me more immediate gratification and also is just Very Fun) and I know I’m a good writer.

basically, I’ve been doing this for like...half my life, and I’m still fairly young, so I’ve had time to build up my skill and confidence and I know I’m only going to get better with time. you will get better with practice. like I said, I’ve written a lot of terrible stuff, and it’s only through sucking for a long time that I’ve gotten to the point I am now. and I am far from perfect; I know I still have lots of room to grow!

for meta and headcanons specifically, I started with writing fic, and then when I didn’t think I could stretch something into an entire fic I would just make a hc post. I have a vivid memory of writing my first meta in a notebook during driver’s ed because it was so goddamn boring and I had Thoughts about Tauriel and Thranduil!

in my experience, meta comes from having Opinions and wanting to share them and most importantly to back them up - you need to have sources! you need to have reasons! you need to have justification! otherwise it’s not meta, it’s a headcanon or an AU. which is fine!! I love hc/AU!!! but they are not the same as meta, and I’m a stickler for being accurate when it comes to meta. if you have sources and shit to back you up, that will help you build the confidence to share your meta.

sharing disinformation and passing it off as meta instead of just coming out and saying this is a headcanon/baseless theory/AU or whatever is such a fandom pet peeve of mine; it’s not bad for something to not be Accurate! you just have to have that disclaimer - and even when you’re writing meta, you’re offering an interpretation of the text, and you need to acknowledge that other interpretations also exist and are valid.

um. I hope this answers your questions? and sorry for basically word-vomiting my entire life story, lol. this post got long; the main reason I’ve written so much fic is because I really just cannot shut up for the life of me. sooo if you can tear of that filter of being shy and just. say shit. you can go so far~!

OH and one more thing - I can’t believe I almost forgot this - but part of being a writer is participating in the community. this is code for LEAVE A DAMN COMMENT IF YOU LIKE A FIC. that’s how I made most of my fandom friends before Discord! I follow @ao3feed-silmarillion and stalk that blog for new Silm fics; I read the ones that interest me and comment on them.

I know this is not really the most common way for folks to find fic but it’s so rewarding to interact with new fic, new writers, new commentors, new stories - you can find gems that don’t rise to the top of the kudos/bookmark lists; you become friends with your fellow writers; you can watch people grow and change; you support smaller content creators. yeah, you might not be getting Just The Best Stuff, but it’s so so so worth it!!

and if you make friends in the comment section of other people’s fic - I guarantee you some of them will go to your AO3 profile and check out your fic, too! and they’ll leave comments! this is a fic community, and that’s what I cherish about fandom most of all, tbh.

anyway - again - sorry for rambling so much, but I hoped this helped! feel free to send in another ask, or to come talk to me off anon if you’d like! and definitely send me your stuff if/when you decide to share it; I would love to support you!!! <3

[causticsunshine]

twenty questions

tagged by @are-you-quite-finished-giovanna thank you babe!! 🥰

1. why did you choose your url?

simply put i adore louis and i like purple and it just rolled off the tongue lol, but i also had a list of possible urls i also liked and i had to snatch this one up while i could!

2. any side blogs?

yes i have four....i'm not one of those 'everything goes on main and you can deal with it' type people.... but i have an inspiration blog @prickelndauge (art insp, lots of fashion, cool photography), an art-only blog @swmpwxtch, one just for spooky/creepy content because i'm really into horror manga and scary movies and that kind of stuff but i keep it off of main because i know a lot of it can often be triggering to others! (i also don't post much there but @bonepickng) and one for art references, life tips, random resources, and more donation sharing @am-ref!

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

soooo long i thought i'd be gone by now tbh. i know i signed up in 2011 after just browsing the site through random blogs and tags for ages, but i didn't start actively using my own account until early 2012!

4. do you have a queue tag?

when i actually remember to tag things i have queued i'll use 'i'm sleep queue' because all my early morning posts everyday are queued....i am an insomniac rip

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

keeping up with my interests better! i was like 15/16 at the time so it made sense. back in Ye Olde Days much like now—i really have come full circle lmao—it was mostly just for 1d and then some random tv shows/franchises i just to see content of semi-often, as well as finding cool art!

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

rn it's just a regular pic of louis! as much as i like using my collages or little edits as my icons, you can't see much of anything and it looks too busy sometimes (but also the photo i have rn....i am always thinking thoughts about it soooo)

7. why did you choose your header?

it's pretty! i wanted everything to follow a color scheme + i love embroidery and fancy gowns!

8. what's your post with the most notes?

ok i thought it was gonna be one of my old larry chibi doodles because i know a few of them hit 1k+ notes, but i deleted those in 2017 and apparently now it's this 6 year old like....funky photo study i did of dan howell from 2015 when i still watched him and amazingphil a lot?? i mean at least it's something i was once proud of lmao....there's a few art posts i have with semi decent notes that i pretend i Do Not See

9. how many mutuals do you have?

i think rn 40 something so not very many, although i unfollowed a lot of people i was moots with when i left my last fanbase so that's probably why 😬 i've been meaning to check out more HL/ot5 people though!! i love mutual interaction but i'm afraid of being annoying if i'm any degree of attentive

10. how many followers do you have?

overall i have almost 2.4k rn, but there's a decent amount that are totally inactive or at least don't interact with me so it feels like....a lot less lmao but since re-joining 1d i've already made up like all the people i lost when i left my other fanbase of almost three and more so thank you for actually liking my work and maybe me as well 🥺💗

11. how many ppl do you follow?

around 370 rn!

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

half of the stuff that comes out of my mouth is a shitpost fdngjkdf like my tags are bad enough lmao, no one needs to properly share the bs i have to say

13. how often do you use tumblr?

pretty regularly rn but there are times i'll go completely MIA depending on what i'm into/how busy i am!

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog?

in the past i have had some....issues with other people i've met on here but never directly had confrontation with them? most of the time that's happened i figure it's been one-sided though because i can get irritated with certain behavior really quickly—like i always say my heart is big and open but my bullshit tolerance is dangerously low—but when that's the case i'll just unfollow or block without saying anything?

although back in the day there was one instance (and seriously if anyone remembers this you deserve a medal because this shit was Ridiculous) where i kinda but not really called out another 1d fanartist who posted untagged noncon fanart they'd done of at least two of the boys, and then acted like it was no big deal (like. 1. those are irl people my dude and 2. untagged noncon art?? in front of my salad??) and their friends kept defending them for it and tried to come for me claiming i was a proponent of Purity Culture when i'm not and literally all i said in my post on it was that in my own opinion it was kinda fucked up to draw noncon art of real life people—not characters played by actors! but actual real people as themselves—in the first place, but if you felt the need to post highly triggering content like that the least you could do was tag it accordingly

but i think that was the last time properly so i guess times within this fanbase are still chaotic as ever just in a different way?

15. how do you feel about "you need to rb this" posts?

Annoyed™️ like don't guilt trip me over a post lmao i do what i want !!

16. do you like tag games?

YES i love to talk about myself after years of trying not to show any personality online out of fear of judgement dfjkngdf

17. do you like ask games?

yes! i want to do them more but i'm always afraid of reblogging one and then getting nothing and looking like a Fool :'(

18. which one of your mutuals is tumblr famous?

i guess i have a few moots that are kinda well-known or at least get good interaction within the community we're a part of? also isn't that phrase kind of an oxymoron at this point adfjkdf

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

not past platonic friendly affection lmao but honestly what is it like to have a realistic crush on an actual tangible person versus someone in the public eye who doesn't even know i exist.....it's been so long and i am so lonely please send help

20. tags?

@niallnailme @bolitodequeso @milkcurls @exzouis @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk @got-my-devotion @aliensyndrome uhhh anyone who'd like to please consider yourself tagged by me! literally if there was an 'all my moots' button i'd just pick that lmao and as always no pressure/sorry if you've already done this and i haven't seen!

[electrosquash]

Tag Game

I was tagged by @a-pirate-my-hearties (thank you 💜)

1. Why did you choose your url? I have a weird AI thing going on. The Malevolence Engine was an somewhat-evil AI in a little flash game logic puzzle that is not playable anymore. THE MALEVOLENCE ENGINE SEES ALL FLAWS. I’ve been called “Malevolence” a few times so i chose another name (Davine Lu Linvega, after the silicon life queen from Blame! - he only wanted to see the netsphere ...) but i’m still attached to the url.

2. Any side blogs? Nope, everything goes here unfiltered - for a reason. Spent the past few years going full corpo and kept my interests locked away so much that i forgot i had any. Wanted to merge them back into one unified personality again - side blogs would be detrimental to that.

3. How long have you been on tumblr? Been on tumblr 2011 - 2013, which led to a big breakdown of mine. I’m back since January 2022.

4. Do you have a queue tag? Nope ^^ But i do queue heavily. The past few days were about 90% queued as i’ve been ... in a hole of sorts? Edit: I got one now, it’s “q”

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place? The first iteration? I forgot actually. It was mostly Cyberpunk aesthetics and a really terrible ancom bubble that imploded in drama at one point. The current iteration? I might ramble about the merging myself at times disregard that bullshit, to be honest it was loneliness. (My DMs are open btw ;) Discord is also an option, if you’re looking for someone to watch a movie or show with you i’m here!)

6. Why did you choose your header? Blame! is the best manga in existence, full stop. It’s a work of art. The sheer size of the world, so far into the future that you can not comprehend the distance anymore; the endless architecture, the storytelling.

7. What’s your post with the most notes? Probably one of the nekkid mods. We will not speak of them ;) (I don’t actually feel well about them anymore so)

8. How many mutuals do you have? Uhhhh would have to count please no math at this hour D:

9. How many followers do you have? 253

10. How many people do you follow? 219 (Sidenote i do get Fear of Missing Out so i try not to have my dash overflow - if i unfollow, please don’t take it personally! Let’s be friends on discord instead!) I generally follow asymmetrically, don’t feel pressured to follow back if i follow!

11. Have you ever made a shitpost? Yeah but i always delete them because i cringe at them myself immediately after

12. How often do you use tumblr each day? Not that much currently, mostly when there’s free time at work. I’m more active when i’m having a hyperfixation but currently i ran out.

13. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? One of the reasons i left tumblr in 2013. Did not do my mental health well. I try to stay out of the politics side of tumblr ever since.

14. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts? Instant block for OP. Regardless whether i agree with the message or not. No time for getting guilted into giving others free internet points. 

15. Do you like tag games? Sometimes! If i don’t respond to them please don’t feel bad, i just sometimes have trouble with interacting and then it’s two weeks later and i feel awkward. But i am very happy that you thought of me! 

16. Do you like ask games? Don’t really partake in them :/

I don’t like to tag people in stuff like this because i then feel like forcing them into making a post (i have issues i know) but everyone’s invited if they’d like to!

[sovietbarnes]

this is late as fuuuuck but here we go lol tagged by@svartalfheimr <3 thank you!!

oh shit there were two posts from you that I forgot about ahh my bad D:

vent crawling or rappelling off the senate building | 79's or dex's | massiffs or tookas | speeder mods or blaster mods | pod racing or sabaac | deal with civvies or deal with senators | prison duty or drunk tank duty | thorn's armor or fox's armor | escort missions or senate shifts | early mornings or late nights | cold caf or no caf | standing guard or paper work | be targeted or be overlooked

and now the big one:

1. Why did you choose your url?

When you tagged me I had a different url so I will respond for both. sithmaul- idk I just really like Darth Maul and it sounded cool. I used slthmaul (with an L instead of an i) for a real long time because sithmaul was being held by someone, but eventually it was released and I finally got it! sovietbarnes- I just also really like Bucky Barnes and I love his comic storyline in which he was taken by the Soviets instead of Hydra and sovietbarnes also makes me feel buckynat feelings. I've had this url for years and it has always been one of my faves

2. Any side blogs?

I have a separate account with a k-pop blog that I haven't touched in a solid 6 years

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

*sweats* I first joined tumblr in 2011 or 2012 so about ten years which is.. unsettling

4. Do you have a queue tag?

i used to have fun queue tags while using xkit, but I haven't been using it these days and I can't be bothered to manually tag everything especially since 95% of my posts are queued

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

bands. This was a good old fashioned band blog back in the days of yore

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

again I just really like Bucky and especially comic Bucky..

7. Why did you choose your header?

no header currently. I'm planning on making one soon, but I'm kind of enjoying just not having one for the time being

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

this is one of those times when I wish I didn't accidentally delete my entire account like an absolute fool, but I was able to find this one post from my old account floating around that has 926 notes.

9. How many mutuals do you have?

is there an easy way people are figuring this out or am I just supposed to count? 26, but about a third of those are now inactive lmao

10. How many followers do you have?

oof my old blog had over 2k i have 208

11. How many people do you follow?

165, I need more people to follow so feel free to give me some suggestions

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

every text post I've made is borderline a shitpost ahaa

13. How often do you use Tumblr each day?

too often. that's like half the reason I left, it got too distracting with school tbh

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

I have always pretty much completely avoided discourse so I don't think so. If I ever did it was really mild

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

instant ignore

16. Do you like tag games?

absolutely!

17. Do you like ask games?

I do! when I see someone else post them I will send an ask and I like reblogging them myself, but I haven't done so lately since I don't have many followers on this blog or many mutuals that I interact a lot with anymore so I don't get responses lol mayber in the future

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

aside from Shay i don't have the slightest clue, but I'm sure most of them have a follower count that would put me to shame

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i'm pretty sure @janesfoster is my soul mate

20. Tags!

gonna skip tags on this one since it's a combo deal just for Svar

[sarah-blue-eyes]

2020 In Review

Hoo boy, here we go.

[Ok just before I begin. I had this queued to post in the first month of January but it doesn’t seem like that ever happened haha. Better late than never I suppose!]

So I am a nostalgic bitch, and since 2011, have loved to make memory boxes for each year, where I put trinkets and memories into a shoebox. This year I have continued that tradition, but I have also kept track of my happy memories throughout 2020 in my planner. This was done with the intention for me to upload a year-in-review sort of thing in hopes that maybe like, 3 people max on this god-forsaken site will read it. This sort of reminiscence was inspired by my friend @a-lbeit​, who has done these for a few years now and me, as a slut for nostalgia, was encouraged to do the same back in January (I think? What even is my memory at this point?)

2020, as it has been for many, was a very shit year, and I am no different. I would safely say that this year has undeniably been the worst I have lived through. But I am here. I am present. And I have made it through some of the darkest times to face 2021 with a new sense of hopefulness. Keeping track of my happier memories has been something that has truly got me through this clusterfuck of a year, so I am glad that I can finally go through them all again and share them with you.

Read it, or don’t, I don’t give a shit what you do with your time, but if you do, I hope that you aren’t bored to tears. And I hope to keep myself accountable to continue to do this for years to come.

Buckle up, grab a hot drink and a snack and get comfy, because this is a JOURNEY.

January:

· Kicked the new year off with hosting a 1920’s themed party with some of my closest friends at my family home at the beach. Had fun with drunk SingStar, playing What Do You Meme, creating a playlist with everyone’s top 3 songs of the decade (it was a bangin’ playlist I must say), and just overall drinking too much and having a riotous time

· I remember going to the beach New Year’s Day (as is tradition in Australia) and playing ultimate frisbee in the shallows and completing a crossword puzzle on the sand (I am a 75-year-old woman, it is just a fact of life)

· I also had my friend Kirsten from South Australia stay with me for the New Year’s period and it was lovely to have a guest over! I haven’t spoken to her much this year, she sort of fell off the face of the planet, but I hope she is doing ok.

· Went town to Torquay (a beach town in Victoria) for the 6th time for Beach Mission, which is essentially a holiday program for kids in preschool-year 9 where we run activities for them. It’s a Christian-based program but the aim isn’t to convert the kids or anything like that, it’s more to show God’s love to them through our actions and how we as Christians live our lives. It’s also a convenient way for parents to dish their kids off for a few hours too haha. This was my final year of being a part of this program, and I am so pleased to have made so many memories and (hopefully) impacted many children’s lives during my time there

· I remember going on a late-night beach walk with my boyfriend Josh, talking about what the year had in store for us. We were just sitting on the beach, as you do, and I saw a shooting star. I can’t remember what I wished for (if anything) but in that moment, life was a dream.

· The week after beach mission I started at my new internship! It was for a place called KidsCo, who run school holiday programs at workplaces, so parents don’t need to take time off work to look after them. I helped with client relations and a lot of behind-the scenes stuff. I really loved it there

· On the very first day of my internship I remember there was torrential rain, and the train home was delayed by like, an hour or so lol

· One of the best parts about interning at KidsCo was that they were the official child-minding service for the Australian Open. I make an effort to go each year, but I was lucky enough to get free ground-entry for me and a guest for the duration of the event. I went quite a few times and got to take my mum and Josh along as well.

· Saw my only concert of the year, The Veronicas, at the Australian Open. When I say the moment the violin riff at the start of Untouched absolutely went the fuck off is an understatement. Grade 5 me would have cried (and 23 year old me did a little bit too tbh.) Yet another of one of my “all-time-favourite-songs” that I’ve had the pleasure of hearing live. (I also went through the year feeling sad that this was the first time in 11 years I hadn’t gone to a concert, but this one certainly fell through the cracks)

· Started planning my trip to the UK to see my twin sister, and best friend, Jess

· Went away to Rye for the Australia Day weekend #changethedate. An excellent time with excellent mates, and went to the beach pretty much every day and got mindlessly sloshed every night

· Listened to the Triple J Hottest 100. I think 4 of my picks made it in, which was pretty good

· Continued my job as the office manager/events coordinator at my church

February:

Basketball started back after the summer break for my two different teams, The Vikings and The Wildcats (honestly such a highlight of this year with how the rest of it ended up going)

As a team-bonding activity at KidsCo we hired a boat for a few hours and I got more drunk that I had been for a while. It was a very fun time jetting down the Yarra, waving drunkedly at the people jogging by

For Valentine’s day Josh and I had an indoor picnic with our favourite food! The weather was shit for Feb, hence the indoor nature of the picnic

Saw Shrek the Musical with two of my closest pals, Bec and Katie (I honestly forgot that this happened in 2020 hahaha) but it was ICONIC

Had a Jackbox night with The Boys

Had my cousin Amy from England over for dinner! I hadn’t seen her in 5 or 6 years, so it was so lovely to connect again like no time had passed at all

Went to Healesville Sanctuary, a lovely conservation park which focuses on preserving and educating its visitors about Australian animals, with Amy

 Went to mini-golf for a friend’s birthday on the leap day. He technically celebrated his 6th birthday which was excellent

Saw Cody Ko and Noel Miller live with Bec and Katie

Finished working at the church office to make room for the potential job opportunity at KidsCo

March:

Ahhh March, you shitstorm of a month. This is where everything started going downhill.

The first thing of note that happened this month was me injuring my ankle at basketball, which had me out of action for a few weeks. It was especially bad because I was nearing the end of my internship and was hoping to do my best work so that I would be chosen to stay on as an employee, but had to take a week or so off to rest my ankle. My ankle would continue to be tender and sore for most of the rest of the year

Went away for the Labour Day long weekend with the family

Finished up my internship at KidsCo. Honestly was lead to believe that I would be staying on as an employee and felt sort of betrayed after all the work I did for them, but whatever

 Had a party at Bec’s house to listen to Triple J’s Hottest 100 of the Decade. One of my favourite songs was number 1 which was a pleasant surprise

Went down to the holiday house for a few days just to have so me time and sort myself out

Animal Crossing New Horizons came out haha. Honestly was one of the highlights of this year though. I stayed up until midnight so I could download it as soon as it was available because that’s the sort of person I am  

Mum’s birthday dinner with Dani, one of my best friends, and her girlfriend Amy

Went for a hike at Sugarloaf Reservoir with Josh and got spooked by a mob of kangaroos

April:

My mental health started really taking a downward spiral this month for multiple reasons which I won’t get into here, but this is more a note to my past self to say that it will all be ok I guess? Idk I just felt like this needed to be here

Did my ankle badly again on Good Friday

Watched the Overwatch League live with my friends and just memed in the livechat lmao

WARNING - this is a bit TMI but I am going to share anyway since it was a big part of this year, and if you are reading this you are either a stranger or a good friend so I really don’t care lmao: This month I also started to get bad pains in my uterus, like, not period pains but deep, stabbing pains. This continued on for the next few weeks without me doing anything about it, except for increasingly getting stressed about it, although I will talk a bit more about this later.

Josh and I celebrated our 6th year together which was ~wholesome~

Called my friend Ashley from the US and just caught up. It was nice to see her face again. She is a good egg. I haven’t talked to her since but I really hope she’s ok.

May:

Watched Star Wars with Josh and his family for “May the 4th”

Started a volunteer job at Kivuli, a non-for-prophet that is based in Kenya, and started helping out with their website and social media stuff

Zoom movie time with my friends, we watched How To Train Your Dragon I think? Athough everyone was talking over the movie so I didn’t really get anything out of it

Played Scattergories (one of my favourite games) with Bec and Jess on zoom and just wrote really stupid and funny answers and I remember this being just what I needed

Went for a long walk with mum and one of her friends and her daughter on a track we don’t usually go on, which was a nice change of scenery

Went down to the holiday house for the first time in forever since restrictions were eased, at least for a little while lol, with the fam

Went to Portsea for a walk along the beach with Bec and her husband Trevor

Did an online trivia night that night with a big bunch of friends

Had a doctor’s appointment to see what was goin’ on down there. Honestly freaked that it could be something REALLY bad. Got booked in to have an ultrasound the next week, so at least I’d be finding out what was wrong soon.

The day after I got my results was the 21st of May, the day my mum and I were meant to be flying out to the UK to see my sister and her boyfriend. It was already hard enough a month or so before when I had to cancel my flight, but this day was so SO difficult. I can’t remember the last time I cried so hard. I am so blessed to have a boyfriend like Josh though. He was by my side the whole day, and held me as I cried. Oh man I am crying as I write this now, it was such a hard time but I know I will see my sister again.

And then the day after THAT whole ordeal was my birthday, which was meant to be spent in London with Jess but it turned out to be the first birthday we’ve had apart. This day was also hard, but made better by being with loved ones and having dinner at my grandma and grandpa’s house. Grandma’s roast potatoes make everything better.

Went to Geelong to see the other side of my family, it was so good to see my nan again. I love her very much.

Went to the Briars with Bec and went on a lovely nature walk and saw a lot of little wallabies and even an emu

Had an ultrasound and my pain turned out to be a 10cm wide cyst!!! So fun!!!!! Thank the heavens it wasn’t a child. I was so relieved. It is still in my body so that’s cute tho.

June:

Applied for a bunch of jobs, and even got a few interviews! Still no job.

The absolute highlight of this month, and maybe even the whole year, was going away to Lake’s Entrance and Yarram with mum, dad and Josh. It was so good to go to the country, I love country towns so much and the wildlife and nature is so beautiful in the eastern part of Victoria. If you ever get the opportunity I recommend going there!

We ate so much nice food and just relaxed. It wasn’t a perfect replacement for not going to Europe, but it was something at least.

Did more work for Kivuli which kept me busy

Went to Bec’s house to bake a cake. She came out to me as bi this day too, and the cake was coloured like the bisexual flag!

Started a short course through the university I went to in Facebook for Business. It was a great way to build up my skills.

Played Animal Crossing with Dani’s little sister, Tami, a very wholesome time

Looked after Josh’s dog Jed while his family went away for the weekend (also went into the start of July) and was honestly the greatest time

July:

Halfway through the year. Thank fuck.

Had another job interview

Went on lots of walks

Was just generally cold

Did a lot of cleaning

Painted the downstairs rooms at church, which took a few days and a lot of back pain, but it’s cool to think that I was able to contribute my energy and time to something while I was not feeling good at all

The restrictions were tightened again, meaning that I couldn’t go further than 5kms away from my house, except to see Josh, so this was a really lonely time for me.

Really got into Masterchef with mum this season. They had all returning contestants from other seasons so that was really fun to watch.

Got and assembled a new couch upstairs that I can say I actually own myself. I absolutely love it.

More walks, despite the cold

This was a very uneventful month, but that’s ok!

August:

Had a call with the hospital I’ll be having my cyst surgery with. It was good to know that things would be started. I had to have a blood test and a second ultrasound then put on the waiting list for surgery. Still no sign on when that will be happening though 6 months later. Just so lucky to live in Australia where all of these appointments are free.

Went for a really nice long walk with Josh. Got shat on by a bird.

Did lots of stuff around the house, just tidying and watering the plants and sorting through my wardrobe to purge all the clothes I grew out of

Had an online Switch games night with some friends which was fun. We played Smash Bros. and Mario Kart and just had a great time!

Ok this sounds super lame but my favourite podcast, The Jenna & Julien Podcast, finished forever which came as a surprise and was just really sad. I really hope it comes back one day.

Did my tax return lmao

Baked rice puff/marshmallow bar things

Made an ASOS order to fill my happiness with material things. Did get some cute clothes and lingerie tho 😉

More games with Bec and Jess, we played Golf With Your Friends this time

Had a cocktail night with Josh, where we just made a bunch of fun cocktails and got drunk. I can’t wait to live with him so we can do this all the time.

Lots of Kivuli work, as we are planning for our 10th anniversary fundraising event

September:

Baked cookies, which was something I did a lot at the start of lockdown but sort of drifted away from. I absolutely love to bake.

Started working for Media-Wize, a small PR company that was started by someone I know at church.

Started playing Among Us at the start of the month

So many Among Us nights omg, just call me queen impostor please

Did my induction for Media-Wize

Got  n e r v o u s  because I kept getting things wrong in my new job. I always seem to fuck up the good things and opportunities that I get

Did a livestream reading of The Great Gatsby on my friend’s Twitch stream. It was really fun and something I had never done before. I voiced Tom Buchannan, which was interesting but cool to sort of get into the character. I hope to do something like this soon.

I burnt my hair while cooking dinner and had to give myself a haircut lmao. It was the first time since 2018 that I had cut it so it was a long time coming anyway.

So much Media-Wize work. It felt good to finally be getting paid to do a job

Got locked out of my bathroom so I had to climb up the laundry chute to unlock it from the inside, all because a fly outsmarted me (it’s a long story… and honestly best told by speaking it)

October:

Had the Kivuli 10th anniversary livestream. Lots of work went into it and it was so much fun! It’s incredible that a non-for-profit that has benefitted so many children and families is still going strong. Such a blessing to see.

Dad’s birthday, and we had a picnic with grandma and grandpa and saw them for the first time since lockdown was somewhat lifted

Walked to Beasley’s nursery with Josh and got a coffee. This was the first proper, not McCafe coffee I had had in months and it was SO good

Played Animal Crossing with Dani

More Among Us, a theme for the last few months of 2020

Watched the AFL Grand Final. Wasn’t super exciting this year tbh, especially since we couldn’t have a BBQ or party or anything, but hopefully next year will be different

Nearly moved out of home with a friend of a friend, but since I didn’t have a job, didn’t think it would be a wise decision. Would’ve been nice though

Did some more Media-Wize work. I haven’t been given anything to do since this time though, so I don’t know what’s going on with that? They really be ghosting me tho.

Applied for JobSeeker so I would at least be getting a little income

New Jackbox came out, and had a games night with The Boys playing all the new games

Voted in the local election

Went to Westerfold’s Park with Josh for a lovely long walk

Played lots of The Sims 4 (but tbh I have been doing this all year)

November:

This month things sort of started to turn around, as Covid wasn’t hitting my state hardly at all, so I was actually able to see family and friends again!

Went to my old primary school with Dani and played basketball and just shot around and talked. She also came over for dinner. It was so nice, and she is a true friend.

Had a picnic at the park at the top of the street with my dad’s side of the family, all together at last

Melbourne Cup Day, not that I really care but it’s nice to get a day off. Went on a day trip to the Dandenong mountain range. It was so, so nice and bought some lovely little things from local shops, went for a bushwalk and had a bakery lunch

Went to the park to throw the frisbee and kick the footy around with Josh and his friends, although they are my friends too tbh

Had a picnic with a group of friends that I hadn’t seen since January, so it was so, so good to catch up with them and have a delicious BBQ dinner

My favourite online comedy group, Aunty Donna’s Netflix series came out! Had a virtual watch party with a few friends and binge watched it all in one go

Had lunch with grandma. This used to be a weekly occurrence but for obvious reasons was put off for this year. I absolutely adore her and every lunch we spend together is so precious to me

Went to Kyneton with some of the family as another day trip

Christmas shopping time again. So weird to be at the shops and feel sort of normal? I went 4 different times in the span of a week and a half haha

Josh’s birthday! We went to this maze place with has a bunch of big mazes and other fun activities. It was such a perfect day. Then we had dinner with his family.

Got a letter from the IRS saying that I needed to provide them with proof of identity, so that was fun trying to sort that out. We love the outdated US tax system <3

Went to a bridal shower for my friend Katie

Went for another hike with Josh to the mountains

Drove down to Geelong for a friend’s wedding and stayed at my nan’s house

Had a pub dinner and Jackbox night while down in Geelong with The Boys

A good friend of mine was leaving to live in Japan for two years, so I went to her house one last time to say goodbye and chill in her pool and just hang out

God why is it so hard to get a job?

December:

Omg we have made it to December. It truly is a miracle with how this year went tbh. And if you have read this far, thank you but also, how little of a life do you have?

Went to my friend Katie’s wedding. Sort of surreal to go to a wedding during a pandemic but it was fun and I got to see a lot of friends I hadn’t seen in a while

Enjoyed the hot weather and went to the beach a number of times with a variety of friends

Went Christmas shopping, and just shopping in general since it was safe to and shops had finally opened again

Got a job at a talent agency where you get gigs as a paid extra in TV shows and movies, which was pretty cool! I even had a professional photoshoot to get headshots done, something that I had never done before. Glad that I could get some pictures to use on LinkedIn though haha. Still haven’t been cast in anything but here’s hoping.

Had dinner and drinks with Josh, Bec and Trev in the city for the first time since it reopened. God I love Melbourne so much. It is just so magical on balmy summer nights. This was such a special evening, and was so good just to be in the city again

Had a lovely day with Dani, starting with breakfast and then going on a hike before the weather got too hot. We went to Sherbrooke Forest, a place I hadn’t been before, and it was incredibly beautiful

Had a number of job interviews this month too, none of which got back to me which was annoying :/

Now it was heading into the time where every weekend is packed with Christmas do’s so I’ll just collate them in this point. Lots of drinks were consumed and many delicious roast dinners

Had our annual Christmas Carol’s service at church. It was a blessing to be back in the building for the first time since March, and to be able to do something I love (singing) with some of my best friends was the best

Christmas eve I went to my grandma and grandpa’s house (on dad’s side) to help them set up for Christmas lunch. Spending time together just the three of us is so special, and I am so glad I was able to come over and just chat and be in their loving presence. Then that night I went to our 11pm church service to bring in Christmas day. It was a great service and was great to see our kick-ass minister give a sermon face-to-face.

Ok here we go, Christmas was a doozy, let’s go. So Christmas lunch was, as I said, with my dad’s side of the family, which is always a great time. Cracking open crackers and fighting over who’ll get the bottle opener or nail clippers is always a highlight haha. But we had the fucking best roast potatoes I swear. I need to know what my grandma puts into them because I could genuinely eat 20 of them and still have space. Then the rest of the afternoon was spent in a food coma until I went to Josh’s house to spend dinner with his family. Another delicious meal and great banter was what I needed, although I can safely say that I put on at least 5 additional kilos after that day.

The next day the fam and I headed to Geelong to see my mum’s side of the family. Was a great drive down and I listened to all of The Avalanches new album which had just released. Easily the greatest album of the yeah hands-down. So we spent lunch there and absolutely stuffed ourselves with more food. Three Christmas meals really took a toll on me, but I am just blessed as it is to have a loving family and food on the table.

The next day dad, Josh and I headed to the beach to spend that weird time between Christmas and New Year’s. To get there we took the ferry that goes from Queenscliff to Portsea, which is always a fun time, since we don’t often go from one side of the bay to the other (if you don’t know the geography of Victoria I apologise lmao). Mum didn’t come with us as she had some symptoms of Covid, so went home to isolate and get tested. Thankfully she tested negative and she joined us the next day.

Once I got back home I had to prepare the house for my friend Jono who was visiting for new years from SA. Many last-minute chores and cleaning was done haha.

New Years Eve! Went to pick up Jono and my other friend Sarah from the airport and dropped Sarah off at her accommodation and ended up staying there with Jono for a while as this was where the New Year’s party was going to be. Although, in true Victorian fashion, our premier announced that there was going to be a limit of 15 visitors at any house from 5pm that night. Excellent. We love a last-minute change of plans. So we had lunch and spent the afternoon at my friend’s house before heading to a local park to chuck the frisbee and kick the footy around. We also had our second annual NYE trivia competition, which my team lost by 1 point!! Dang I get so competitive, but we will win next year, I can feel it. The new year came through uneventfully, we were in the middle of a game of Scattergories or something like that when someone changed the channel on the TV to see the Sydney fireworks across the screen and like, 4 second left of the countdown. I gave Josh a bog ol’ smooch and gave my friends a big hug. We had done it. 2020 was defeated.

Conclusion (damn this really be an essay tho)

This year was undeniably the hardest year I had ever been through. Going through unemployment for the majority of the year and having no sense of purpose hit me hard but I am entering 2021 with the hope and willingness to get on track with my career. And I think I will be successful. A lot of truly awful things happened around the world this year as well, with the devastating bushfires at the start of the year, the powerful BLM protests, Coronavirus absolutely destroying lives and many, many other global events but through it all, here we are. I hope you all keep well this year and that your 2021 is infinitely better than your 2020.

Song of the Year: Tangerine – Glass Animals

Album of the Year: We Will Always Love You – The Avalanches (I CANNOT stress this enough, but you absolutely must listen to this album!)

TV Show of the Year: The Mandalorian - Season 2

Movie of the Year: Bombshell (the only movie I saw at the cinemas so didn’t have much to go with)

Memory of the Year: Going away with my family and just enjoying time away with each other

Thank you for reading this, if you’ve made it this far, you’re a real one <3

[xxwritemeastoryxx]

Forgotten Alliance Ch. 11

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Elijah Mikaelson x OC with other parings mentioned throughout.

Word Count: 3.8K

Warnings: Canon Typical things

Author’s Note: As a reminder, FA can be found on ffnet up to chapter 42. I am uploading chapters here on tumblr for convenience. I decided against tagging this until new chapters are posted. Of course there are a few that wished to be tagged and I will be tagging them in this. If you would like to be tagged please let me know! Chapters are queued and will be posted randomly.  Enjoy

The fire in the fireplace had lit the whole room. The crackle of the fire was the only thing that could be heard. Elizabeth laid on the floor looking up the ceiling. On the floor next to her was an old small chest. Elizabeth had taken that chest with her everywhere. It held things from her past that meant something to her. For being alive for eight centuries she didn't have a lot in that box. Inside, it held many photos, letters and trinkets that meant the world to her. Most of those trinkets belonged to those she had cared for that had passed. Since they had been back from spreading Finn's ashes, Elizabeth had left the family in the living room to leave them be as a family.

Finn's death had reminded her of the deaths of those that had grown close to her. She had seen a lot of death over some time. But no matter how many times Elizabeth had lost someone, she grieved like any other human did. She should have easily had been able to say they had died and moved on. But it had been impossible for her to do so. It was one of the things that made Elizabeth herself. Elizabeth knew that she would no longer feel the grief after a few days. But until then she always found herself with the chest next to her debating on opening it up or leaving it locked up.

Even as she looked up at the ceiling, her hand was wrapped around the small key that hung from a necklace around her neck. She hadn't opened it yet. She tired telling herself that there was nothing that she could put into this time. She only ever placed something in there that belonged to the deceased when they were close friends. Elizabeth and Finn hadn't even known each other that long. She had no right to add anything of his in there. That had been the reason she had not opened the chest yet.

Elizabeth heard footsteps approach her room but she didn't move her eyes away from the ceiling until the person stood looking over her. Turning her head slightly, she saw Elijah standing over her. He gave a small smile as he looked down at her. She smiled back at him and let go of the key.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news." He said with a sigh.

"Can't we just save the bad news for tomorrow?" She asked looking back up at the ceiling. There was always something. Elizabeth learned that a long time ago. "What ever news it is, what is a few hours going to do if we just ignore it?"

"Lucien freed Aurora." Elijah said softly.

"He already has a head start, Elijah." She said turning her head towards him. "For all we know he already freed her when he left us in Mystic Falls." She sighed softly. "You just lost your brother. It may be the second time, Elijah, but you need to give yourself time to grieve." She sat up in her spot. "I may have never had any siblings. But I had Malakai. And I may not have lost him, but it felt like it."

Elijah had sighed once more as he moved to sit down next to her. He had noticed the chest and picked it up and placed it on his lap. "Chest full of secrets?" He asked with a small smile.

Elizabeth shook her head and she pulled the necklace over her head and held her hand out to him. "A box of memories." She said as he took the key from her. "I had been debating on opening it. I usually do after a funeral."

"Why haven't you opened it yet?" He asked examining the key. He wouldn't open it without her permission.

"I couldn't bring myself to do it." She said looking down at the box. "I have everything that is in there memorized front and back." She pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on one knee. "It's the things I collected over the centuries from those I cared about that died."

"Like trophies." He whispered. And Elizabeth shook her head.

"Like memories." She said looking at the chest. "Open it up." She looked back up at him.

Elijah hesitated at first, but he opened it. And when he did, he looked at how the chest was neatly organized. Some of the items he vaguely remember them. He pulled out a chain that held a marble that looked like it held the universe in it. Elijah couldnt place where he had seen it before. He looked at it for a moment before placing it back into the chest. Next, he pulled out a small blanket and looked at Elizabeth, curious.

"That was hers." She said with a small nod. It was the first blanket she was wrapped in before we sent her to the other village.

"We had gone through a lot to ensure her safety." Elijah said with a small nod.

"We did." Her eyes began to fill with tears as she remembered the planning it had taken for them to ensure her daughter would not come into a world with an abusive father. Elijah had gone through the trouble of compelling everyone in the village for them to forget that she had been pregnant, even her own husband. And when the night came that Elizabeth went into labor, Rebekah had been the one to help deliver her daughter. "She got to live a happy life." She smiled slightly.

"I thought the last time you saw her was when she was younger." Elijah asked thinking about when he had been inside her head.

"It was, but being that I always wanted to know how she was doing, I compelled her neighbor to tell me how she was doing. If I saw her, I would have either tried taking her back or told her that I was her mother. They named her Jane. Its not the name I wanted for her, but it's her name."

"If I recall correctly, you wanted her name to be Lily." Elizabeth's smile grew.

"Because I remember seeing the lilies growing and they had bloomed so beautifully that year. And then I gave birth to her a few weeks later. "

"I remember walking through the field with you that day." Elijah said with a smile on his face.

"Things seemed so much simpler then." Elizabeth said with a slight shake of her head. "It was in those moments that everything felt at peace. Like I'd be safe and wouldn't have to worry about anything."

"They were simple for you, Elizabeth." Elijah said watching her. "I had still been in hiding from Mikael. Coming to see you could have put you in danger."

"Mikael came because Niklaus decided to try and make hybrids." She said with some hate towards both Mikael and Klaus. Even though Elizabeth had forgiven Klaus for what happened, it still didn't change the fact that a lot of those that lived in her village had died just because they had activated their werewolf curse. She could remember that day as if it had been yesterday. She hadn't understand what vampire blood could do until that night. She had watched as Klaus fed and killed them all. "Compulsion or not, others knew about what he had done and that had spread like a wildfire. I'm just surprised he didn't try killing me for taking and hiding Malakai."

"It was only a matter of time until he died, Elizabeth. He thought of it as a waste of time to chase after you for someone that was bound to die."

"Joke is on him right?" She said with a smirk on her face. Elijah chuckled and closed the chest, handing it to her along with the key. She placed the key around her neck before standing up to place the chest back in it's spot. When she turned back, she found Elijah standing up, with his arm leaning on the mantle of the fireplace and his eyes on the fire. Elizabeth stood there for a moment just watching him. As he watched the flames flicker, she could feel the feeling of guilt began to build. She knew this time he had felt guilty for something. Along with that guilt, there was sadness. And Elizabeth knew it had to do with Finn.

"What is it?" Elizabeth asked taking a few steps towards him and placing her hand on his shoulder. Elijah looked over at her and sighed.

"I should have had that bullet destroyed. " He said almost emotionless.

"You had no idea that any of this would happen." She said trying to comfort him. "You wanted to keep your family whole. Destroying it would have broken this family more than it already had been."

"My family has been broken for some time, Elizabeth. I have no reason to believe it could have been any worse than it already has been."

"What would destroying it have done to Finn?" She asked shaking her head slightly. "He had wanted to live a life in a witch's body and live at peace. You would have had your family back. It isn't good to think about the 'what ifs' Elijah." She watched as he looked away from her and back to the fire. A thought crossed her mind and she hoped that it would help him now, just as he helped her when she needed it. "Remember what you said the night I came back from hiding Malakai?"

Elijah looked up at her once more. There was confusion in his eyes for a moment before he nodded. "We can not change what has already been done. We can only take what we've learned from it and move on."

"Remember what I said to that?" She asked with a small smirk. "I'll be the one to make sure Malakai makes it, even if I had to make a deal with a devil to do so."

"How can I forget?" He said with a smile now on his lips. "That was the first time I ever saw a hint of the devil in your eyes."

Elizabeth chuckled. "I was a pregnant at the time, you were bound to see different things." She could no longer feel his guilt. She was glad she was able to distract him from it.

"Pregnant or not, that particular gleam is still there, and I cant help to wonder why?" He said looking her in the eyes. "Malakai is alive and well. What is it that still has the devil hiding behind those eyes?"

All Elizabeth could do was smirk slightly looking into his eyes. It took her a moment to find the right words about the devil he claimed to be hiding. "My deal with the devil is far from over." She said and watched as his eyebrow raised. The truth was Elizabeth had made several other promises to herself over the centuries. They seemed to pile together and the gleam that was in her eyes was the need for her own revenge free happiness. While she was able to hide the feelings that came with those promises, her mind couldn't easily forget them and there would be a time where she would no longer seek anymore bloodshed.

"What is it that you have yet to finish?" He asked. They both had not seemed to notice that they had moved closer to each other during their conversation. They were only standing inches apart. The fire that had light the room up earlier had now dimmed from not being fed.

"You'll just have to compel that out of me." Elizabeth still had a smirk playing on the corner of her lips. She wasn't sure if he would actually do it or if he would leave it as it was.

"Such a tempting offer, Liz." He said as he moved a strand of hair behind her ear. Elizabeth looked at Elijah surprised. He had never once called her by her nickname. It had been different to hear it coming from his lips. "But I won't force it out of you. I'd like to help you though."

Elizabeth swallowed the lump that was starting to form in her throat. "Some devils and demons are better left unknown to others." Elizabeth knew she could trust Elijah. She knew that everyone had a dark place that other kept their secrets. She even knew about Elijah's red door, and what it once held. She had heard the stories what Ester had done to open that door. But it was what her own memories would do to him. It was what she had done and some of the things she had witnessed that would make him possibly think differently of her or even himself.

"May, I?" Elijah asked bring his hand up to her head. He wanted to see into her mind. He wanted to see what creatures filled her with the need for revenge. He wanted to see the life she had while he had forgotten about her. Elizabeth had hesitated a moment at his question. She knew that he wanted to see the demons that she hid. She nodded slowly, never taking her eyes off his.

"Just don't say I didn't warn you." She said as he placed his hand on her head and she opened her mind to him.

Elijah said nothing as several images had passed through his mind. They were quick flashes of memories and moments in Elizabeth's life that had caused the gleam to stay with in her eyes. He could see and feel the hatred she had towards Aya the night she had taken everything from her. The satisfying pleasure she received from being the one to end Aya's life was something Elijah may have witnessed but feeling it and seeing it from her view had given him a different view on it. He caught the glimpse of a memory of Elizabeth arguing with Lucien about his witch that laid dead at Elizabeth's feet. The witch's death had triggered Elizabeth's blood lust and the deaths that had followed had been more than Elijah had ever killed. He watched as she had fallen far off the wagon before she had been brought back by a human that had only wished to help her. She had fallen in love with him. And while she had loved him, it had always felt off in someway that Elizabeth could never understand.

Elijah then found one of the demons that Elizabeth had warned him about. The human Elizabeth had fallen in love with had stopped to eat at a Diner on his way to meet Elizabeth. Elizabeth had been on her way to meet him from checking on Malakai who had been enjoying his life since he had been up. He had just been at the wrong place at the wrong time. Elijah knew the diner very well. He had recognized it the moment he saw through Elizabeth's eyes as she had run up to it, only to hide herself from the windows. Through her memories, Elijah saw himself speaking with Rebekah before she had snapped his neck. It was then Elijah had realized what had been done. He had lost himself in the moment and killed many in the diner. And one of them had been Elizabeth's human. It was why the chain in Elizabeth's chest had looked so familiar to him.

Elijah wanted to pull his hand away from her head, but Elizabeth continued to show him the other demons that awaited for their revenge. And for a woman that he had thought lived a better life than he had while she was away had seen more betrayal and suffering than he had living with Klaus or on the run from Mikael. Elizabeth had easily been able to put her revenge aside for those that she had cared about. She had dropped everything the moment Malakai had gotten into some trouble and they fled the country. It was how they had ended up in Paris until Elizabeth found out about the Strix. And with their return to the states, she knew it was only a matter of time until the pack Malakai had betrayed would find them again. While Elijah had no need to know the worries of Malakai there had been one thing that had stuck out like to him. Another demon to be warned about.

Elijah saw her conversations with Hayley and how she had convinced her to have a kill list. And with that, Elijah learned that the pack Malakai had betrayed had been one close to the Crescents. They wanted Malakai dead and it was why he always stayed away when a wolf was near. And with Elizabeth doing anything to protect those she cares about, she did what she had to. Elizabeth wanted the Alpha as far away from them as possible. It had been why Elizabeth had planted the idea of keeping Hope safe by leaving with Klaus in Hayley's head when she didn't expect it. While Elizabeth hated doing it, she had to keep the person she cared about safe. She just never expected Malakai to take off with both of them. Elizabeth had kept the selfish reasons she had done it hidden from Elijah, though. There was no way she would allow that to be seen.

Pulling his hand away from her head, he looked with several emotions passing his face. He wanted to be angry at her for getting Hayley to agree to killing the Strix. He wanted to apologize for killing the human. He wanted to comfort her for the pain and suffering she had endured. But he couldn't bring himself to show any of those. Elizabeth could see it in his eyes that he was trying to process everything she had allowed him to see.

She sighed softly looking down at her feet. "I warned you." She said softly before looking back up at him. "And I don't expect you to feel pity for what had been done at that Diner, Elijah. " She shook her head slightly. "I do, however, expect that anger to come back out." She said watching him. And when she hadn't seen the anger return or even any of the other emotions return, she had began to wonder why. Her eyebrow raised slightly as she waited for him to say or do anything. When a sigh passed his lips, she had relaxed a little.

"I can't be angry with you." He said with a small nod. A small smirk played at the corner of his lips. "As much as I would like to feel some anger towards you, it is just not there."

"Then what is the-"Elijah had cut Elizabeth off by pressing his lips to her. While it had surprised Elizabeth, she hadn't pulled away from him. The kiss had been slow and sweet. There was no reason to rush anything. While Elizabeth had been surprised, Elijah had been surprised with himself. It had been so much easier to let Elizabeth in. There was no fight with himself on deciding if this was wrong or right. Elijah had just felt it to be the right thing to do. But just as sudden as the kiss started, it ended with the sound of someone clearing their throat.

Elizabeth had been the first one to pull away seeing as it had been her room that they were still standing in. Who ever it was that was trying to get their attention had obviously came to see her. Her eyes looked away from Elijah and toward the door. While she should be surprised to see who had been standing there she wasn't. And if Elizabeth had to be completely honest, she had been smirking on the inside. "Hayley."

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 14x13 “Lebanon” (300th episode)

in which i compare this episode to pumpkin soup, because I’m craving more Cas

03:30pm

all righty, thing is still downloading, and there’s a 720p version queued up so that’ll be downloaded by the time i’ve watched half. i have snacks, i’m gonna half close my blinds so i can see, but I DON’T HAVE HEADPHONES AGAIN which is the worst. why do headphones break so easily, that’s what i want to know. (just gotta pray there’s a good sound quality i guess. my laptop speakers suck)

...2 minutes left on the download c’moooooon

-

03:35

OKAY DONE!!!!

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03:36

“dad’s on a hunting trip and he hasn’t been home in a few days”

i don’t know if it’s dean’s little baby voice (HE’S MY AGE CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?? I CAN’T) or the laptop speakers or the video sound quality, but dean sounds like a kid in a 1980s disney cartoon, with that vintage prickle in my ears and i love it

-

03:38

okay look it’s super hot 'cause it’s summer, and my fan is on, and there’s cicadas... i think i gotta shut the window and turn the fan off aND SLOWLY ROAST IN HERE BECAUSE I CAN’T HEAR THIS PROPERLY

i’m 9 seconds into the recap u_u

it’s gonna be one of those days i guess

-

03:41

is that the monkey again?

yeah it’s the monkey again

-

03:45

dead black guy already????????????????????

really?????

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03:46

are those kids meant to look like the kids from stranger things? because they kind of do. and the movie theatre as well

-

03:47

cas is in this episode, right??

if he isn’t i’m gonna scream

misha had a tv guide cover so maybe

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03:39

every single one of these kids is cute and i’m offended

“weird sidekick with the trenchcoat” i am further offended, but also smiling

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03:50

SHE GAY

SHE VERY GAY

-

the plaid though. she’s a dean mirror 100%

edit: i did doubt this for a second but nope, i was completely right

i mean, she drives the car as well

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03:52

tHE IMPALA JUST SCOOTED OFF THE SCREEN AND I ALMOST CHOKED OH MY GOD that was hilarious

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03:54

dean doing the puppy eyes is 

a) cute

b) FUCKING TERRIFYING BECAUSE THIS POOR WOMAN’S TRYING TO PROTECT AN UNDERAGE GIRL AND IT SHOULD NOT BE THAT EASY

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03:57

the hand that popped out of the smoky cigar box

SUPER COOL AND SUPER CREEPY EW

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03:59

dean: “this is like the best/worst thing that’s ever happened to you. ‘cause you love serial killers but you hate clowns”

ahahhahaha

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04:02

sam: “are you sure you don’t wanna call mom, or wait for cas”

YES PLEASE DO BOTH OF THOSE THINGS ;A;

-

“michael out of my head”

HAVE YOU NEVER PAID ATTENTION TO ALL THE WISHES THAT GO WRONG??? YOU GOTTA BE MORE SPECIFIC DUDE. TAKING MICHAEL OUT YOUR HEAD JUST TAKES HIM OUT, YOU GOTTA KILL HIM TOO DAMMIT

-

04:05

john: “now you live in a secret bunker with an angel and lucifer’s kid”

he took that surprisingly well

 a little too well

probably part of dean’s wish that he takes it well

-

04:08

OH BOY

the face he made when he saw mary sdjgfd

-

04:09

ahahah dean and sam awkwardly leaving while their parents make out

dean kinda looked like he was gonna stay, lil bean

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04:11

the fact dean was so adamant that he said he wanted michael out of his head, but then is now defending the fact he wished for his dad back instead

says a lot about what dean says he wants =/= what dean actually wants

-

04:13

john is much sweeter and more understanding than anyone remembers him (at least than i remember him, or could infer from all the stories about him)

i really do think dean brought him back nicer

-

04:15

i love seeing sam have emotions, it’s so refreshing

-

sam kinda looked like he panicked when john touched him aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

-

04:17

there’s a sign for “castle storage” in the background and i think about that sometimes. hill of a forty dogs or something??? i forget, it was so long ago

-

ALSO WHERE’S CAS

also switching to 720p now

never mind switching back, the sound was better on the lower quality video u_u

-

04:22

oh no, nobody knows them

IS CAS NOT GONNA KNOW THEM

OH NO

-

04:23

this universe-sam: *kinda smug* “god bless kale, am i right?”

I CRINGED SO HARD

-

04:25

OH BOY IT’S HAPPENING

(well SOMETHING IS HAPPENING)

-

04:26

zachariah: “c’mon, constantine”

cas: “i don’t understand that reference”

zach: “you wouldn’t”

i kinda missed this cas though. like. i’m not even mad

ONE PROBLEM: HE’S PROBABLY NOT HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE WITH DEAN

-

04:28

life goal of mine: have a sign like that in my house as decor

-

04:29

THE BACKWARDS TIE

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04:35

okay first off i got so involved watching cas beat dean up (again) and dean being unable to stop him (D: D: D:) (kind of expected dean to croak “i love you” but um no....... that didn’t happen)

and then mary’s egg timer went off 

and it reminded me i’m hungry again so brb

well actually i’m not hungry..... but my body is shutting down because i need fat and magnesium to function which means i need to eat or else i can’t see, but same difference

-

04:43pm

okay i’m back

-

04:45

DEAN FINALLY HEARING HIS DADDY SAY HE’S PROUD OF HIM

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04:46

john: “i thought you’d get yourself a normal life, a peaceful life, a family”

dean: “i have a family”

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

]]]]]] I REALLY FUCKING WANT JOHN TO MEET CAS [[[[[[[

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04:48

THERE’S SALAD ON THE PLATES HALLELUJAH

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04:49

sam: “did you see them, at dinner, the way they looked at each other, they seemed happy”

and then there’s the way max looked at the girl she was crushing on

AND THEN THERE’S THE WAY DEAN LOOKS AT CAS LET’S GET SOME OF THAT IN HERE PLEEEEEASE

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04:51

it stresses me out when people wash dishes but only rinse using the dirty water not fresh tap water

-

04:53

they’re about to send john back, he’s holding mary’s hand

all the rainbows behind dean’s head

betcha he’s thinkin about cas

-

04:56

john: “i love you both, so much”

dean...................

-

“i love you too”

OH MY HEART

he says it ......he never used to say it to anyone

-

04:59

YEEEEE

BUT ALSO THIS ONLY LASTED 0.5 SECONDS WHY

but also???????

TALL GUY = SAM

PLAID GIRL = DEAN

COAT GIRL = CAS

IS ANYONE ELSE GETTING THIS

WHY DIDN’T THIS SHOT LAST LONGER SO PEOPLE WOULD BE ABLE TO SEE WITHOUT PAUSING

CURSE YOU EDITORS

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05:02

so....... that end scene where john’s like “i’m on my way back, i’ll see you soon”

was that meant to be in the past, 2003 era? the flip phone would say so, but his visible age kind of confuses matters

i mean i get that it’s hard to make someone look 16 years younger

but still

unsure about that

-

05:04

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm it’s over

i dunno

that was definitely a special and important episode, and i appreciated seeing this side of john, this is gonna make it way easier to write fanfic of him without the story ending up as a trauma survival fic

but

i was kind of underwhelmed

things i rEALLY REALLY WANTED that didn’t happen:

john actually reacting to dean saying they made friends with an angel (and a werewolf, a vampire, demons, etc etc)

john meeting cas

cas being part of that family meal (i get that the point was he was 2003!cas and not there, but still)

jack being in this even a little bit??

and as the story went on and reached the end, what it really lacked, for me, was a comparison where we can then see how john/mary & max/her crush = dean/cas...........and that just didn’t happen

i think it just ended too soon, really

and there was a lot more they could’ve done with the altered timeline, could’ve brought a whooooooooole lot back from past seasons and just made it a smorgasbord of nostalgia

i get that it was focused solely on john, which gave it an emotional core, so there’s not actually a problem there, i loved that

but it felt kind of dull and slow and....... soupy..........?

(i just mean. the emotional feeling in my brain as i think about it. feels like soup. specifically pumpkin soup. warm and spicy and goopy and nutritious but ultimately not very filling)

then again, if the pacing had been sped up, i would’ve complained it was too rushed. so there’s no winning, it was probably fine ?

i think my favourite part was the kids. i loved the kids. i love the lil gay romance going there. i loved the fact it was a destiel/team free will parallel (even if that part of it was OVER SO DAMN QUICKLY MOST PEOPLE MISSED IT). i loved the kid in the hat, he reminded me a lot of the actor thomas brodie-sangster, and also johnathan byers from “stranger things”

also enjoyed sam vs. the serial killer clown, and that whole aspect of hunting that we haven’t seen in a while, felt very nostalgic

also enjoyed 2003!cas, but was both distressed and frustrated by him fighting dean and then NOT GETTING ANY CLOSURE ON THAT WHATSOEVER. the point was to make dean and sam realise they really needed to send john back, so essentially, in some respect, they did choose cas being their friend over john being around, but that part of the overall problem was never mentioned at all, cas wasn’t mentioned at all after the fight

i’m just looking forward to coda fics that start where this episode leaves off, and dean talks to cas, because i am craving that SO FUCKING BADLY i can’t even express. like. it’s becoming maddening. i just. want. them. to have. a conversation

and the black guy dying at the start?? and the other black kid running away from the ghost and never being seen again? and besides the unnamed diner guy offering info on skip day, being the ONLY PEOPLE OF COLOUR IN THE ENTIRE STORY??? NOT COOL, not a fan >:{ (still better than it used to be, but soooooooooo many white people. so many. so. many)

anyway. um

so that wasn’t my favourite episode, but not because it was bad, but because it didn’t live up to expectations. i tried not to have any expectations (i really tried) but there were just... basic things this episode needed that i felt it was lacking (*cough* cas *cough*), and i can’t really shake that feeling

HOWEVER, having seen 2003!cas be the thoughtless drone that he was, i can appreciate just HOW MUCH character development has happened while he’s been around, which.... i suppose, is a sort of nod to his entire existence ???

anyway, 9/10, and a big ol shrug

but yeah. seeing john be kind and understanding was amazing (and completely changes how i’m gonna write him in my fics in the future, since he’s probably gonna be in the fic instead of just mentioned) and having him say he’s proud of dean and he loves him was just a super nice treat c:

sam being emotional is the best, too. sam confronting his feelings 10/10

i just. i want aaaaaall of this. but with cas. i really want that. so goddamn much. ;~;

[nuclearbeom]

50 Questions Tag

Tagged by @jinyoungmoans to do this! I'll try my best to keep it short! But no promises.

1. What takes too much of your time?

Procrastination.

2. What makes your day better?

Chatting with ahgafam! Or when I have queued stuff to watch, like new HIP or Mafia episodes.

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today?

 Watching HIP ep 5 with @sevenpeaches ☺️

4. What fictional place would you like to go to?

The Internet world in Wreck-It Ralph 2!

5. Are you good at giving advice?

I like to think I so. I've been told I am...?

6. Do you have any mental illness?

Not medically, no. 

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

Many times. I'm very used to it and don't even freak out anymore when I “feel” it coming on. 

8. What musician inspired you the most?

Freddie Mercury. 

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

Maybe? I fall in love all the time, and I truly believe that I do, but its actually not the real deal lmao.

10. What’s your dream date?

I like cafe dates, then stupid cutesy shit after like a walk in the park or a long ride in a car to nowhere.

11. What do others notice about you?

Usually my sassiness.

12. What is an annoying habit you have?

Being a people-pleaser. Its exhausting.

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

No. Shit gone down real bad. He has apologised but the damage is already done.

14. How many ex’s do you have?

Official or unofficial ones?

15. How many songs are in your playlist?

Cuz Spotify is dumb and can’t display the total number of songs, I'd say about over 700?

16. What instruments can you play?

Piano, violin and guitar. Do air-drums count?

17. Who do you have the most pictures of?

Mostly Jinyoung, but Yugyeom is catching up.

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

Greece.

19. What is your zodiac?

Pisces.

20. Do you relate to it?

Don’t know. Do I? Lmk.

21. What is happiness to you?

When my family gathers for Chinese New Year and everyone is happily drunk together and no one is bitching and griping.

22. Are you going through anything right now?

Uni.

23. What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made?

Can’t think of one right now, cuz when something bad happens, I resolve it pretty quickly and its over with.

24. What’s your favourite store?

Borders bookstore.

25. What’s your opinion on abortion?

I don't support it. But I've never been in a situation or known anyone who had to get one, so I can't really say. I just don't believe in ridding innocence of life; its unfair to the child to not even have a chance, option, or opportunity to fight or fend for itself. 

26. Do you keep a bucket list?

Not really, no.

27. Do you have a favourite album?

Verse 2 and Present: You <& Me>.

28. What do you want for your birthday?

Got7 anything. Tickets, albums, merch, ANYTHING. I’M NOT PICKY.

29. What are most people’s first impression of you?

A cold bitch. BUT I’M NOT, I SWEAR. 

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

For some reason, 23 seems to be a recurring number. I don't know why 23 specifically 😂.

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

On the floor.

32. What word do you say the most?

I just asked a friend next to me and she said “Fuck”.

33. What’s the oldest age you would date?

Someone 5-10 years older.

34. What’s the youngest age you would date?

2 years at the most, I guess? I feel weird dating someone younger, even by a month.

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?

Something which involves me interacting with people.

36. What’s your favourite music genre?

K-Pop.

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

Australia.

38. What is your current favourite song?

Never Ending Story -  Got7.

39. How long have you had this blog for?

2 years this October, but I only posted my first post last... November? (It was @inyournightmares97  ‘s The Savage King. Its epicness broke me out of hiding. I simply had to show some love to it.) I wasn’t in the K-pop fandom before but I am truly comfortable here and now.

40. What are you excited for?

New episodes. Food. The time of day when I can cook to prep for tomorrow’s meal.

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

A better talker. But I’m a pretty good listener.

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

This tag 😂. Otherwise, I finished three homework quizzes and will finish another one when I'm done with this.

43. What do you want for Christmas?

Got7 anything. 

44. What class do you get the best grades in?

English.

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

6. 

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years?  

I honestly don’t know. I just hope I'm not dead. 

47. When did you first get your heartbreak?

2017.

48. At what age do you want to get married?

Hopefully mid to late 20s? But I honestly don't mind if it doesn't happen. 

49. What career did you want to have as a child?

A model or actress. I just loved being in front of a camera.

50. What do you crave right now?

Time. I. Need. Time.

I tried to keep this short! I tag @sevenpeaches, @cockyjinyoung, @jjshipper and @screechingaussie. Of course, its optional!

(Chels, I understand if you can't rn. Hoping the hotel wifi is decent lmao)

[jaimistoryteller]

Rambling Update 11/5/18

*waves*

So not a bad update, though it easily could have been considering how last week ended. 

I have 2 1/2 of the CLV 100 Peeps Give Away items to finish, then I’ll be posting them, probably a couple of times. 

The next few days are gonna be busy between offline life and NaNo so I am queuing up a bunch of Converging Lives stuff, as normal it has the “Converging Lives Verse version” tag.

I am also queuing up some of mine and fellow writers story stuff, plus my old Good Reads Wednesday stuff, cause why not. 

I’ll still randomly be reblogging stuff I am tagged in, so keep tagging me, even if I don’t get to it immediately, I will get to it. 

I am also randomly reblogging my GoFundMe, right now I am not in a position where things are dire, but I am leaving it open since life keeps kicking me in the teeth, and I have three doctor appointments in the next three weeks, fun, fun I say.

I also have a Patreon if anyone would like to do a monthly $1 to help me out, those dollars do add up. I know it’s been pretty inactive for the last few months, I have been rather discouraged due to lack of peeps in the year I have had it, my health, Sota’s health & passing, and just things going wrong. I hope to start updating regularly again and try to just push the fact it’s discouraging when there is no response aside. 

Books for Sale: currently only Tales of Identity: Memories & Reflections, but I hope to add Unexpected Meeting at the beginning of January. 

Paperback - Lulu, Amazon, Barnes & Noble

eBook - Lulu, iBook, Amazon Kindle, Nook, Kobo, directly from me (with PDF)

When I get done with Unexpected Meeting I am gonna try and finish Seeking, again, hopefully this time life doesn’t work against me, cause it was seriously disappointing to have it all typed up and done then have it all destroyed because of a computer glitch. That’s definitely been my life in the last year. Depending on how long it takes, I will be working on a few others as well, maybe not finishing them, but getting some updates ready so I can post something at least once a week. At this point I’d be good with once a month. I love fandom, and I know it’s mostly my depression, but more peeps interact with my original stuff, or so it feels, which is why my original stuff is where my muse has been lately. 

After a conversation with a peep, I’m considering a kickstarter to open a little store up to sell arts and crafts stuff, plus host other local peeps. The ones who don’t qualify for the local galleries because they make the wrong type of crafts. Definitely something to look into, it might be something to do, or it might not. I know at least three different peeps who’d be all for it if I did do it, and would sell stuff there, but all of us are low income, and even pooling money together couldn’t do it at this time. Thoughts welcome. 

Updating my  Etsy Store is in this weeks agenda too, as long as I have the mental spoons to do so. 

JaimiStoryTeller and Converging Lives are both getting updates, right now I am working on CLV, doing a little here and there, as I try to catch up for being several months behind. I know JST will be an even bigger project since it’s been a good two years since I did an overhaul, but that will definitely be a future thing. For now I am adjusting tags, all things I make will have my name as part of the tag, rather then ‘my’. 

I feel like I am forgetting something, but not sure what at this point? 

I hope everyone has a smooth day,

Jaimi

[sweetcresta]

I posted 2,334 times in 2021

534 posts created (23%)

1800 posts reblogged (77%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 3.4 posts.

I added 1,850 tags in 2021

#all queued up - 321 posts

#gallavich - 297 posts

#mickey milkovich - 289 posts

#ian gallagher - 238 posts

#my text posts - 157 posts

#ask - 154 posts

#shameless - 122 posts

#words - 103 posts

#shameless s10 - 89 posts

#shameless s11 - 80 posts

Longest Tag: 132 characters

#‘​i’m not getting involved with his shit’ *gets involved 3 mins later* / “music kicks ass’ / ‘i miss u’ then kisses mickey hejdkskkn

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

thinking about how every time someone sees mickey they’re either annoyed by his presence or fucking scared of him.

nobody is ever excited to see him. nobody ever smiles when he walks into a room.

but then there’s ian gallagher with his floppy hair and puppy eyes who just lights up and smiles and calls him mick and has him follow him into the back with a smirk and pep in his step the whole way

imagine going so long with having to instill fear so you can survive and then nobody greets you with warmth or asks how you are, and suddenly there’s somebody who’s happy to see you.

161 notes • Posted 2021-05-07 06:45:19 GMT

#4

WAIT HAVE YOU GUYS HEARD THIS SCENE WITH THE BETTER AUDIO???!

181 notes • Posted 2021-09-01 06:11:56 GMT

#3

Mickey gets hurt at work (or something like that), Ian gets a call, he's really worried and runs to rescue his husband in distress 🏃‍♂️

i’m so sorry this took so long! tw: talks of a car accident and death. some blood. dramatic but not that bad lol. also it kinda sucks ♥️

Ian’s alone, enswathed in a comforter that's too cold, on a mattress that feels too big without the body that has naturally filled the right side of his beds from North Wallace, to Trumbull and prison bunks and everywhere in between.

He counts sheep, tries to imagine the bed isn’t empty.

He turns and kicks the blankets off - pulling them back up a few moments later hoping that this time the fluffy warmth will lull him to sleep.

All his efforts are fruitless and he ends up settling for letting his eyes roam the smooth whiteness of the ceiling. It’s satisfying to look at, unlike the ceilings at the Gallagher house that have popcorn paint and yellow stains from years of smoking

"Are you sure you don’t want me to stay home? can always ask the guys to pull a couple of extra runs,” Mickey had whispered into his pillow earlier that morning, eyes swelled up with sleep, after Ian mentioned he wanted to take the day off.

Ian had spotted it right away: that glimmer of worry in Mickey's eyes, the rise of his eyebrows, the lines that said he thought it might be more than just needing a day to recoup. He's hadn’t been asking to stay home because Ian needed someone to make him soup, but because he wanted to make sure it wasn’t something more sinister. He wanted to make sure that when he got back he wouldn’t find Ian’s back to him as he curled into himself. But it isn't that, it isn't.

They've played this game for so many years that Ian knew not to jump right into defense mode, not to listen to that voice that says he doesn't need a babysitter. Instead, he shook his head and he explained himself, “It’s just a stomach ache and it was a busy night at the cook out.”

Mickey had taken his word and Ian was grateful.

Until an hour and a half has passed since the front door closed with Mickey’s departure.

Laying there alone, he can’t understand why he turned down his husband's offer. Principal, he guessed, to show Mickey he can take care of himself. But he hasn't had to deal with minor inconvenience like stomach aches without Mickey by his side for years now, and so what? He just wants him there to lay with him, to draw patterns on his achy stomach. Maybe make him some soup and kiss his hairline until he falls asleep.

Ian turns onto his back, picks up his phone, and looks at the time.

10:37 am. He drops his phone back down, lets it bounce, and settle into the mattress. Seconds later, the bed shakes with vibrations.

Mick😻

He smiles into his pillow and slides to answer, pressing his phone against his free ear. “Miss me already?”

“Mister Gallagher?”

The male voice, deeper and raspier than what's supposed to come from Mickey's phone, turns Ian’s blood to melting ice. He shoots up from his laying position, his legs ready and hanging off the bed.

“Where’s Mickey?”

“There’s been an accident and-"

Ian’s out of bed in an instant, using his shoulder to keep his phone pressed tightly to his ear while he pulls on a pair of discarded sweat pants. He hobbles and loses his balance, trying hard to ignore the pressure in his head, the pounding of his heart.

“Where?”

It's a street Ian knows instantly, centered between two drop-offs. Mickey must have just finished with the Grow House and was headed to ChicagoMed.

Without thinking, Ian hangs up without more information than the sight of the crash. It's stupid, he knows it as soon as the line is dead, but there's no time to call back as he finds his keys and almost breaks his ankle putting his shoes on. Maybe it's better this way, he doesn't know if he could bear to hear the words over the phone. He needed to be with him, see him, see the accident and if he knew the extent before he got there... maybe his feet wouldn't be working, maybe he'd be a heap on the floor.

With nothing to go off of, Ian’s left to his own imagination as he takes the apartment stairs three at a time. Each step conjures a new imagine, each one more horrible than the last: blood, body bags, broken glass, and shattered ribs. And the things he never had to think about before: what is his life without Mickey? The fact that people don't always die by old age. He should have thought about that, should have warned Mickey about that.

His feet hit the cement and then he's in his car with little recognition of the moments between the mat outside their apartment door and the black SUV. And then he's gone, his foot flooring the gas padel out of the parking structure.

Hit and runs. Buring cars, people stuck inside. The jaws of life prying a body out of a car that's been smooshed like a tin can.

“Fuck!” Ian slams his right fist into the steering wheel hard enough to crack the knuckles against the hot leather. “Should have stayed home. Should have fucking let him stay home!"

His fingers itch to find his phone from wherever he'd thrown it so he can call back as he curses himself for being stupid enough to hang up so soon. But he’s already jerking the wheel and swerving in and out of his lane enough to know that looking for it would be a bad idea, so he keeps his grip tight and his eyes focused.

The corner of Washington and Haggard is ten minutes away from their West Side apartment, but Ian makes it there in five with a blur of street lights and a gas gauge hitting well over the speed limit.

A real ambulance and two police cars are the first things that come into view as he approaches from Haggard. Some tall man with greying hair stands on the sidewalk with his phone pressed to his ear, his arms flailing around with no spare of the dramatics as two officers gaze at him with their hands on their hips. As he gets closer, he spots the stolen renovated ambulance that Mickey was driving - the back bumper smashed in and being held up by a little red car that's smooshed and dented at the hood.

The fact that cars aren’t flipped over or on fire should relieve Ian. It doesn’t.

He was an EMT; he's seen first hand how even minor accidents can cause grave injuries, especially if someone isn’t wearing their seat belt. And Mickey has a bad habit of not buckling up between drop-offs.

Ian haphazardly takes a spot next to a curb and slams the car into park. He doesn’t even bother taking the keys out of the ignition before he’s hopping out; his legs setting into a run before his brain even knows what’s happening. There are voices yelling at him about cones, but it’s just static as he passes them, following his instinct to the back of the real ambulance.

Rounding the corner all the air shutters from his lungs as he finds the back doors thrown open and Mickey sitting on a gurney, wincing as a uniformed man places his arm in a slink.

Ian jumps into the ambulance, crouching down with muscle memory.

“Mick,” he says, his voice tight roping between shaky and broken.

Mickey looks up and for the first time in a long time, the first thing Ian notices isn't his blue eyes, but the deep cut on his eyebrow that's dripping blood.

Ian’s right there, taking his face into his hands as gently as he can muster and examining the wound. The blood's already clotting at the base and the beginnings of a bruise have started to develop over the whole of his brow bone. It’s not bad, he doesn't see deep flesh, but it’s evidence that there was head trauma. “Fuck, Mick. I thought...”

“I’m fine,” Mickey grumbles, eyes drooping like he’s ashamed. He looks at the EMT that's examining his arm. “The fuck you'd tell him to get him so wound up?”

Ian chuckles, it’s reassurance. The best reassurance.

The man furrows his brows, “He hung up before I could say It wasn’t that bad.”

“How’d you get here so fast?”

“Doesn’t matter. Did they look at your eye? What happened? Is your arm okay?”

“Arms definitely broken,” The EMT - Steve according to his nametag -says.

“It ain't broken,” Mickey states, pulling his arm from Steve’s grasp. He gets just an inch away from him before putting it back and cursing. “Fuck- It's just... I don’t know... sprang.”

Ian takes a seat on the bench and looks at Steve. “What about his head? Shouldn’t he have a brace on? Did you do a cognitive test?”

Steve looks Ian up and down with a raised brow. Ian sighs.

“I used to be an EMT.”

Mickey groans. “I’m fine.”

“In that case, yes I did everything by the books. I don’t suspect a head injury, he knows the day and your phone number, but since he did hit his face on the steering wheel, the hospital might order a ct or-”

“Hospital? I ain't going to no fuckin’ hospital.”

Ian nods. “Okay, okay. Thank you.”

Mickey snaps his uninjured fingers in Ian’s face. “Hello? can you not fucking ignore me? Please?”

Ian licks at his bottom lip, his gaze flicking back to his husband. He rolls his eyes, resisting the urge to slap his fingers away as he gives him a stern look. His eyes and brows soften once he sees the blood again; annoyance fading away in favor of reaching out his hand to grasps Mickey’s uninjured one. Ian intertwines their fingers and pulls them up to his face to leave a long kiss on the knuckle of his thumb, then the tip of his pinky.

“You fucking scared me.”

the lines on Mickey's face melt away too, back into that softness that Ian saw this morning. “Didn’t mean to.”

Steve stands from his seat and motions for the driver upfront that it’s time to go. Ian nods his head at him in understanding as he hops out of the ambulance and shuts the back doors.

“Wait, what? I’m not going to the hospital.”

“Okay," Ian pulls his hand from Mickey's and motions for him to give him his other one. "Move your arm and we’ll go home.”

There’s a staredown before Mickey relents and sighs, “fine.”

The ambulance lurches slightly with the release of the break.

Ian bits his tongue, but it comes out anyway, “Can’t leave me, Mick.”

“Ain’t leaving. Think I'm gonna jump out the back?”

Ian shakes his head, entangling their hands together once more, gripping his husband tight. “Not now... just never.”

“Okay.”

“Okay? You need to be more careful.”

“More c- That dick heads' the one who hit me.”

Ian chuckles, "Yeah, alright." He leans up and places a kiss on Mickey's temple. "Don't let it happen again."

Four hours, a cast, and two stitches later, Ian finally gets Mickey in bed with him.

191 notes • Posted 2021-09-11 22:02:50 GMT

#2

The jab of it all

Mickey learns about an old nickname. 

At the end of the day, Mickey’s happy the Gallagher’s didn’t end up selling because there on North Wallace, the blueish gray house still stands as a little hood oasis whenever he starts to miss the South Side. Even though he doesn’t venture over as much as when they first moved into the apartment, he still finds comfort in this remaining the same while everything around him changes. He breathes lighter in these aged walls and amongst the chaotic energy that surrounds him as soon as he walks into the door.

Despite not selling, Lip’s decided to keep on revamping the interior because he, Tami, Freddie, and Liam are living there now.

Mickey’s there amongst the dust and tools because Ian persuaded him - at what Mickey would describe lightly as a very manipulative time - into helping that Sunday evening.

Ian left about an hour ago with a list of things Lip needed from Home Depot - ever the little bitch for his older brother - while Mickey helped Lip install some new cabinets. He complained the whole time and spent the better part of ten minutes mumbling how he's only doing this for Liam. But really, the company isn’t all that bad; Lip has worked himself down from whatever tissy he’d been in for the past couple of months and they're amicable, friendly even.

It only got better when Tami stomped her way down the stairs and grabbed two beers from the fridge, holding them up to ask if Mickey wanted one.

Maybe it’s the fact that they’ve worked their way through a few bottles, or maybe he just didn’t pay attention before, but his soon-to-be-sister-in-law is quite funny and has a mouth on her that gets Mickey chuckling. Tami’s a bottle ahead of him and he’s starting to really question his judgment of her because he’s starting to feel the effects of the alcohol while she just keeps knocking them back.

She’s spewing stories left and right, and honestly, Mickey’s struggling to keep up with the helium building in his head. But they’re funny, he knows that for sure. She talks about how reluctant she was to have a baby, how the kid bit her tit when she was breastfeeding - but actually, he didn’t have teeth then, so it was more of a gummy clamp than a bite - and it hurt so much that she almost dropped him. And then she’s divulging on about her old roommates and some bitch she cursed out at the gas station the other day.

“You know the first time I saw you I thought you might be here to kidnap my kid and sell his organs on the black market?”

Mickey laughs. “What’d you call me? the convict Ian brought home?”

“I mean is that not an accurate description?”

He shrugs, takes a swig of his beer, wonders if she ever got the rundown of how inaccurate that statement was. Maybe one day he’ll tell her about those ten years in-between, but not tonight.

Tami licks her bottom lip and smirks, “But now I know how sweet you are. Like a little lovesick puppy.”

“Fuck off.”

“It’s true! I’ve never seen someone actually smile into a kiss. I thought that was just in movies. But you do and you get this doped out look in your eyes.”

Mickey pulls a face, pressing his bottle to his lips in an ill attempt to conceal the pink creeping over his cheeks.

“Ay, Tami, Mickey, you guys planning on helping or just gossiping?” Lip asks, stepping down from his step stool and using his creme long-sleeved shirt to wipe at the sweat pooling over his brow.

“We’re bonding,” Tami asserts. Damn, she’s got some power to her voice too.

“Mickey should be helping me level out this cabinet.”

Tami turns from looking over her shoulder and scrunches her face. She rolls her eyes and waves around a dismissive hand. “Okay, Jabby.”

At that moment Lip looks up almost frantically and makes eye contact with Mickey. He quickly averts his eyes to the back of Tami’s head before dropping them back down to whatever manual he’d been reading.

Mickey perks up. “Jabby?”

Tami laughs bubbly, pulling the reaction from Mickey. “It’s what I-”

“Hey, Tam, enough?” Lip interrupts.

“I wanna hear this,” Mickey says. He locks eyes with Tami and scoots closer, resting his elbows on the table like a teenage girl about to hear something juicy in a school cafeteria.

“I used to call him that.”

“Uh-huh. Why?”

Tami snorts and Lip sighs.

“The first time we hooked up it was no rhythm. Just-” she puts her hand up and punches at the air three times, “Jab, jab, jab.”

Mickey sits back in his chair, cocks his brow with a smirk tugging on his lips. “You'd think someone that cocky would at least have a good stock game.”

Lip shakes his head, doubles down on the paper in front of him, not even dignifying it with a response. Doesn’t matter because now Mickey’s just stumbled upon nickname material for the foreseeable future, and it’s just pain fucking funny. “No comment, Jabby?”

Tami holds up her right hand. “What, you can’t tell me your first time with Ian was earth-shattering?”

Mickey shrugs.

“Oh come on, you guys are like straight from a rom-com movie,” Tami groans.

Sure, if romcoms had homophobic dads and beating the shit out of each other.

“How old were you two?”

“I was sixteen he was fifteen.”

“And at fifteen he didn’t jab you?”

“Nope. Knew what he was doing.”

Tami shakes her head vigorously, “What the fuck? who finds their husband at sixteen- no who has good sex at sixteen? You guys are gross.”

It’s then that Ian enters the kitchen with pink cheeks from the night air, a paint pan, a gallon of white paint, and brushes in tow. “Who’s gross?”

Tami looks back, knocks back the rest of her beer, slamming it onto the table. “You and your husband.”

Ian stares in silence for a moment before turning to Lip. “What’s going on?”

“Yeah, Jabby. What’s going on?” Mickey asks. He and Tami's cheeks bulge with the effort it takes to keep their laughs in.

“See, Tami? He called me 'college' for a whole year and now you’ve just given him more material," Lips says, looking to Ian next. “They’re both drunk and sharing too much information.”

“What kind of information?” Ian asks.

“Lip didn’t fuck Tami good. Jabbed her the first time they were together.” He locks eyes with Tami, a slight slur settling into his voice, “It still like that?”

“Okayyyyyy,” Ian announces. “You’re both cut off.”

“Fuck you,” Mickey and Tami say in unison before falling into fits of laughter.

Mickey decides right then that he wouldn't mind doing this with her again, and that the next time they do he'll tell her the story of a younger Mickey and Ian and how they got where they are today.

216 notes • Posted 2021-06-29 15:37:26 GMT

#1

remember when otis gave that speech about somtimes liking people who don’t like you back but it’s ok because there’s seven billion people on the planet and one of them is gonna love you enough to climb up on the moon for you?

i think about that shit everyday 😭

242 notes • Posted 2021-09-07 14:52:28 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[autumn-kitten]

Tag Post

I was tagged by @springbearhime, thank you so much!!!!! ♡ ♡ I don’t think I’ve ever been tagged in one of these things so it made me unreasonably happy :’)

Posting this under a cut because it ended up being super long!

Nickname: Nic, Rose, Shy

Pronouns: She/Her

Age: 20 as of this March!

Time: 10:31 am

Fave Artist: Radiohead right now. PS friendly reminder to blacklist the tag radiohead if you don’t wanna see me spamming, I just queued like 50 radiohead posts bc I have a problem lol

Song stuck in my head: This excellent, underappreciated one hit wonder, She Blinded Me With Science. Also, this live version of Radiohead’s Videotape, because it includes a cool part in the middle that isn’t on the recorded/studio version and I love it.

Last movie I saw: The Incredibles 2

Last thing I googled: Trying to figure out how to properly use the Amazon Alexa my mom bought, lol.

Other blogs: I have a Tera Online blog, which is dead rn because I’m not playing Tera very much anymore and the blog is on another email address so it takes too much effort to access it lol. I also partially abandoned it because I got the feeling people didn’t really like me on there.. got a whole lot of mean anons and all my mutuals stopped talking to me and uhHhh idk what I did but sorry y’all... I think I just complained way too much there honestly.  I also have a private rant/journaling blog, because I need to write things down to help me deal with it/get it out of my system.

Do I get asks: I wish!! Sometimes people do message me though but I always get shy ahah. Send me anons! I will answer anything! Hit me tf up!

Why I chose my url: Oh boy, I made this blog when I was probably 16. Autumn was my favorite season and I adore cats. I didn’t use this blog at first because I already had one I was active on and had a lot of friends/mutuals. When I was like 18, this guy I was dating at the would go on that blog and have a huge freakout over nearly everything on it (you posted a selfie and responded to someone that complimented you with a heart??? ARE YOU CHEATING????, etc), so I moved here. I feel kinda bad, I had like 10 messages from different people saying “this blog has zero posts and I want this url can i pls have :(”

Following: 631 LOL. Most people aren’t even active anymore so I should probably go through and clear that out...

What I am wearing: I don’t have work today so I’m still what I slept in - soft Mickey Mouse print boxer shorts and the shirt I wore yesterday lol

Dream job: I don’t really know what I want to do!! Something that makes me happy and doesn’t suck the life out of me, which idk is possible. The idea of working for the rest of my life really depresses me. I am very interested in a ton of things but am not talented at any of them (music, art, film directing or editing, computer programming/coding, writing/editing) so I’m hoping to take some classes at my community college and see if there’s something I’m able to pick up. As a kid I wanted to be an actress (I had no anxiety until I was like 12, it was wild - I was a theater kid haha), then all through middle and high school I wanted to be in a band or be an author/editor, and when I was like 18 I wanted to be an English teacher for quite a while but I’ve realized I’m too shy and definitely not assertive enough.

Dream trip: Japan and all over Europe. Also Australia/New Zealand!!

Fave food: Oof this is hard... I honestly just love food in general. Sometimes it’s burgers and fries, sometimes Chinese food, sometimes Pad Thai, sometimes sushi, sometimes pizza, sometimes pasta... Food is delicious, lol. Right now I’d say probably burgers and fries?

Play any instrument: I took piano lessons for a few years as a kid but hated practicing bc there was pressure from my parents and eventually quit. I wanted to learn how to play the drums but my parents said it was “too loud” so I played trumpet for 4 years in the middle school band and jazz band (because trumpet is SUCH a quiet instrument, lol). I self taught myself guitar in 8th grade and was in a band that never got off the ground, but I haven’t touched guitar since I was probably 16 and really wanna get back into it. I’d love to learn play bass guitar and drums!! Also, fun fact... I was SUPER obsessed with harps as a kid and really wanted to learn how to play one until I was like, 11.

Play(ed) any sport: Aside from being a theater/band kid, I was also v sporty since my dad really wanted boys, hahaha. I played soccer, volleyball, and basketball! I played soccer the longest but I ended up being better at basketball than anything else... but I loved volleyball the most, lmfao. I made some “tryout only” teams for all three sports, which was cool, but any and all sportiness died when I was like 13 or so because Depression Says No and honestly my heart wasn’t in it anymore, it started out as a fun activity but after I was about 10 or 11 I was just doing it because my parents wanted me to and I was really miserable. It was a blessing when they let me quit.

Hair color: Blondeish?? I think?? It’s kinda strawberry blonde in some light.

Languages spoken: English, and three years of classes worth of Japanese. I love languages but it’s super, SUPER hard for my brain to learn them. I want to get back into Japanese, though, because it came pretty easily and was a lot of fun! I tried to learn Spanish for a while since I was living in Argentina, but I was horrible at it and kept adding in Japanese on accident because apparently my brain could only handle two languages and not three, lol.

Random fact: Hmm...  I was incapable of rolling my R’s until new years eve this year.. I was v drunk and apparently was just sitting at the table going rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... after months of trying to learn how to do it and not even knowing the proper technique I was just rolling my R without even trying/knowing I was doing it. I’ve been able to since that day, lmfao.

Describe yourself with an aesthetic: Oh boy I don’t even know how to do this??And it depends on my mood??? My brain can’t decide who I am or what my aesthetic is, sometimes it’s crazy cat lady with a huge library in her house, sometimes it’s girl at the county fair with a flowy dress and sunflowers in her hair, sometimes (often) it’s “hi I no longer have black hair anymore but I still feel emo/goth in my soul™, sometimes it’s some bullshit 90s vaporwave stuff, sometimes it’s just “haha i’m here for the memes”, sometimes it’s telescopes and observatories and stars and astronomy, sometimes it’s cutesy pastel... idk what my aesthetic is.

Also here’s a relatable picture of me, ty for reading. I tag... anyone that wants to do this bc I really don’t know who to tag ahhhHhhHHHhhh

[officialmaleclibrary]

This month we’re showcasing an author in the fandom who has written popular works such as Your touch is contagious and forces on the heart. Mel is on ao3 as melbopo and tumblr as @mel-iorn, and we’d like to thank her once again for taking part in the OML author showcase! 

1. When did you start writing fics? Tell us a little of your journey as a fic writer.

Ho Boy! I started writing fics in middle school but I didn’t know I was writing fanfics to be honest. I am pretty sure I started with writing Jonas Brothers fanfics (that were self insert sometimes?) when I was like 12 or 13 years old. Then I sort of left the world of writing fics after about a year and entered the world of online role playing (wizarding world of Harry Potter and some original mythical worlds) for a couple of years because it had that creative writing that I love. Then I stopped writing characters or rping for many years (a combination of poor self esteem, mental health issues, and not feeling connected anymore to fandom spaces). Then in college I was finally in a safe environment that let me examine myself, my interests, and I embraced this nerdy side of myself. So I re-discovered fanfiction. And as I was reexamining all these aspects of me, including my sexuality, I began to notice a big gap in femslash fanfiction and that is ultimately what brought me back to writing. I wanted to write stories for people like me, passionate about characters they already related to and with a desire to see these characters in relatable (if maybe unrealistic) scenarios. In a world where there are so few out LGBT+ characters in books and media, creating content that depicts us as we are: beautiful, important, valid, and worth writing about is really, truly healing. I started writing fanfiction again at the same time I was finally learning to accept my sexual orientation and the process has been really helpful for me to fully embrace being queer.

2. What fic of yours are you most proud of and why?

I think the fics that I am most proud of are my two opening fics for my Handful of Days of Magnus Bane because I’m really proud of my characterization of Magnus (which still isn’t perfect), who is one of my favorite characters but someone I struggle to write in a way I think he deserves. I also love my two universes of forces on the heart (Malec and Mizzy) and never say never (Jimon) because I love alternate universes and exploring how the characters would react in them.

3. Who is your favorite character to write and why? Which character do you find the most challenging to write?

My favorite character to write is Simon to be honest because it feels the most genuine for me. I’ve always felt really connected to Simon so I feel like I write him in character the best. He also has this nervous ramble habit that I love to use to touch upon important topics. 

I think Canon Magnus specifically is difficult for me to write because there are so many nuances to him that I tend to feel like I’m always just a little bit off which really annoys me because he is also one of my favorite characters for that very reason. I do reference a lot of meta posts on tumblr for writing Magnus which definitely helps but I think I just need to practice with more introspection fics.

4. What is the hardest part about being a fic author? The easiest?

For me, the hardest part about being a fic author is not just actually writing the words on the page but asking for feedback. I know I’m not an amazing writer but I struggle to ask people to beta/edit my fics in a way that gives me constructive criticism back so that I can improve and be a better writer. On one hand I really crave that sort of helpful editing/soundboarding but on the other hand, I’m hesitant to ask people to take time out of their day to read something they might not like as well as be truly honest with me (aka not just be nice and fluffy even though I do appreciate support!). 

The easiest part of being a fic author for me has to be coming up with alternate universe fic - if you look in my collection, it’s 90% of what I write. I am always getting ideas of different scenarios or words to place characters. I also find making graphics for my fics relatively easy and something I like to do (even though if I do a graphic before I finish the fic, I’ll never finish the fic…).

5. What inspires you? Where do you find your muse?

Honestly, this is a little corny but I’m inspired by my life and my friends (in real life and online) most often. Writing is an important outlet for me because creativity is really important to me and my mental well being. I write to share stories I have inside of me and share lessons that I have learned (or I am still in the process of learning). Knowing that I have friends that support me and encourage me to write (regardless of if they read what I write or not), really pushes me as well. Also knowing that other people are connecting with and enjoying my stories with their ao3 comments or tumblr tags can also re-energize my muse.

6. Do you write original content as well as fic?

I actually just had my first inspiration for an original story (a folklore piece) this year which is really exciting for me! I’m probably going to adapt it to a Shadowhunters Maia x Izzy fic instead but it was exciting to have that bit of original character inspiration! For original content, I do write poetry occasionally actually!

7. Do you have a favorite fic from another author?

I have to be honest, I am so so behind in fics that I want to read (it’s embarrassing and sad!) but some of my favorite writers I have queued up to read include works from these tumblrs: francy @hufflebee’s mine and charl @lightwoodlesbians and elle’s @magnusragnor Days of Dark !

8. What’s something you’re looking forward to in the upcoming season of Shadowhunters?

LORENZO!!! I love Javi already and can’t wait to see what kind of difficulty he is going to make for Magnus as well as seeing more Luke and Maia interactions now that Alisha is a main character! I’m scared for my love Simon and hope he’s okay.

9. Can you give us a sneak peek to what you’re writing next? Or at least any hints to what’s to come?

Currently I’m working on my first chaptered Shadowhunters fic! I’m honestly really excited about it because it touches upon coming out stories, found families, sexuality exploration, and the Lightwood siblings’ bond. I mostly wrote it for myself and to push myself to attempt Nano but it’s be a really rewarding process. It’s called a rainbow colored corner of the world so keep a look out for that (if it sounds interesting to you!) - I’m using the tag rainbow colored corner on tumblr if anyone wants to stay up to date! Down the line I already have some more fics planned/outlined that include: Shadowhunters 99, farm folklore, and high school reunions!

10. Do you have advice for anyone who might be interested in writing fan fiction?

I’d say if you have a story you want to share that isn’t harmful, then absolutely go for it! You only get better at writing by actually writing. And if you want to share a story that makes you question if it is harmful or offensive in anyway, maybe ask yourself why you want to share this specific story and really examine that answer.

11. Does writing energize or exhaust you? Why?

Honestly, writing does a bit of both. When I’m writing a scene I’m really excited about or I think touches about some really important topics, I feel so energized and that feels carries over when I finish it. But if I’m writing a scene that I don’t really have planned out but I know some important plot points should be included, then I feel drained as I try to drag it out and just force something out. I am really bad at just writing to write because I am bad at going back to edit my work. So part of why writing can be exhausting for me is that I obsess too much over making sure I am saying exactly what I want to say instead of writing down the bare minimum and knowing I will go back and make it better. I think it ties in with my issue with asking for feedback/a beta because I feel like I have to catch these errors or wordings while I’m writing since I don’t like rereading my own work.