#13x16 fix

[misccee]

13x16 Fix

Repost for time difference

Castiel is jetlagged. He is billions of years old—he was once able to fold time & space!—but an airplane has foiled him. His Grace thrums unhappily—it wants to reestablish his vessel’s circadian rhythm—but Castiel has the feeling he shouldn’t be expending energy so close to his task. Who knows what tribulations he will encounter. Could be another set of clay warriors. Could be a giant snake. Could be Chuck casually reading the paper. Who knows really, with the way these things usually go. Castiel has learned not to have concrete expectations.

As Castiel swipes at the djinn in front of him while another tries to grab him around the waist, he realizes that he did have expectations after all. He was expecting maybe a mythical beast to defeat; or a trial of riddles; a booby-trapped walk of faith (and damn, he’s watched that movie with Dean too many times if that’s the expectation his otherworldly brain has conjured up); but certainly not a rouge pack of djinn who took up residence because they were bored and they could.

“I can’t wait to taste your dreams, Angel,” the one currently grappling at his waist hisses into his ear as he licks it.

Castiel swings an elbow back into the djinn’s gut as he flips his angel blade and throws it at the one dancing in front of him. The blade pierces its throat, and it gargles pathetically around the blue-black lifeblood it aspirates on.

The elbow wasn’t as effective,and Castiel feels himself being pulled down. He’s deadlier with his angel blade, but without it he’s just deadly. He manages to wriggle around and place a smiting hand on the djinn who was behind him…but he trips over the feet of another djinn Castiel had—sliced? stabbed? (he can’t really recall all of the ways he’s dispatched the djinn at this point)—and he finds himself on the ground. On his back.

Again.

All these years and he still cannot balance right without the aid of his wings.

He only has a moment to berate his clumsiness before two more djinn appear at his opponent’s side. Castiel spits blood out of his mouth. He’d bitten his tongue on impact. He waits for them to close in before he rolls away from their outstretched, grabby hands. Blindly he reaches behind him and—blessedly—his fingers curl around the hilt of his blade. Castiel swipes out in an arc and manages to wound two of his attackers, who hiss and jump away.

The third—the pest who has consistently gotten the closest to Castiel’s vessel—grabs him by the lapels of his trench coat and hoists him up. The djinn’s smile bleeds across his face revealing his sharp teeth, his breath an acrid breeze across Castiel’s face. Cas stomps on the djinn’s instep and gives him a patented Dean Winchester head-butt, and the creature stumbles back.

The other two have collected themselves, and—with Mr. Too-Close-for-Comfort—begin circling Castiel. Cas just rolls his shoulders and chuckles. On his feet, angel blade in his grasp, he has the upper hand.

His laugh must have unnerved them somewhat because they are glancing at each other. They start conversing in their sibilant language (one he’s heard Sam refer to more than once as Parseltongue and would not be dissuaded against the inaccuracy of that label). Castiel doesn’t know if the djinn do it because think he can’t understand them or because they know he can.

“I am unsure of this.”

“He is bloodied, but does not appear to be tiring.”

“He has already sent six of us to Purgatory. Do we wish to join our siblings there?”

“You know,” interjects Castiel, “if you just give me some fruit—as I asked when I first arrived—I’d be happy to be on my way and spare the rest.”

Their attention snaps back to him and they hiss in unison.

Castiel flips his blade a few times and raises his eyebrow. “Or I could cut a swath through you and let you join the ‘party’ in Purgatory.” Flip, flip. “I was fighting wars before your alpha was even a glimmer in Eve’s eye, but sure—test me combat.”

They hesitate knowing the truth behind his words, but indignant about being called out over their battle prowess. A look passes between the three of them and their stances relax.

Mr. Too-Close speaks at him, “You will speak with our Malikah.”

Castiel straightens but doesn’t relax. “Do I have your word I will come to her unharmed?”

The djinn smiles at him, baring his razors again. “We will bring you to her as you are. What happens after is none of our doing.”

The djinn queen is sitting in an obviously handmade wicker chair under the tree, one leg slung lazily over an armrest. She considers Castiel with a look that wouldn’t melt butter. She gestures airily at his ‘escorts’ and they leave his side to join with the others in their pack. Her face is graced with a wicked smile.

“Are you a present?”

“No, Malikah. I am here on a…quest of sorts.”

She swings her leg down and leans forward, raising her brows at him.

“And am I not the treasure you seek?”

Castiel squints. The devil is loose, a Prince of Hell sits its throne, a war-torn angel army threatens to invade this Earth, and he’s getting hit on.

Again.

“Your…uh…beauty is a…treasure indeed. But…um—”

The djinn huffs out an amused laugh and waves at him to stop.

“I know what you seek. It is what every being who comes here seeks.” She throws a thumb over her shoulder and Castiel sees the pile of bones.

Lovely.

She rises from her chair languidly and saunters over to him.

“But you, Angel. For you I require a very different price. Hmm. No, a favor is more like. Will trade a favor for a bit of fruit?”

Her hand comes up and she trails a tattooed finger along his stubbled jawline.

“Um. Ok,” he sputters.

The pack of djinn on the sidelines titter.

Castiel is sitting in another wicker chair. He shifts self-consciously under the weight of the flowers on his head the necklaces of teeth—of all kinds—wound around his neck. Three female djinn are painting his forearms (he’d staunchly insisted that he’d keep his shirt on, but his sleeves rolled up), neck, and bare feet. He feels naked without his trenchcoat.

“What exactly is—” he starts, but the djinn painting his left arm shushes him.

“Don’t move. You’ll ruin the line.”

“Ok.”

Castiel surveys the area. The pack of dijnn are mostly standing about in clumps talking animatedly with each other. Even with his heightened hearing and understanding of the language, he can’t seem make anything out—the sounds are too breathy and too many of them overlap—so when they all quiet, Castiel perks up.

The three djinn attending him stand and move away (the one who spoke to him earlier snaps at him, “do not move too much before it dries!”) and a djinn he didn’t fight appears on a platform. The djinn begins to sing a capella—there are no words, but the melody is ethereal and heartrending. Hand movements accompany the notes, but Castiel can’t tell if it’s a language he doesn’t speak, or if the movements are of the signer’s own making.

He leans over to the closet djinn, “So do I, um—" but he is cut off with an aggravated hiss.

“Do not interrupt!”

So Castiel sinks back into the chair. He starts a little when the pack of djinns start clapping and stomping. At first it seems uncoordinated, but after a few beats he realizes there’s a cadence and pattern to it, with some djinns clapping and others stomping in turns. As the song and beat pick up, a cadre of djinn break free and start wheeling and spinning and slapping and clapping at each other’s hands in a mesmerizing sort of ballet.

There is a cry—it doesn’t appear to be a part of the song—and Castiel sees the djinn queen approaching. She is decked out in her own set of flowers and creature teeth. There’s a certain sort of thorny beauty to her that reminds him of Meg Masters.

Another djinn appears before Castiel suddenly and holds a carafe of sweet-smelling…something…out to him.

“Now. You drink now,” the djinn says in English. Castiel hesitates, but the djinn is insistent, “You not displease her.”

So Castiel accepts the carafe and takes a sip. The attendant makes an aggrieved noise and tips the bottom of the carafe so that Cas is forced to drink down the sudden onset of liquid on reflex before the last of it is spilling out of the sides of his mouth and trickling down his neck. He hopes the tracts don’t smear the calligraphy on his skin. He looks around inconspicuously—he does not see the artist who yelled at him to take care, but he still refrains from wiping at his mouth.

The sounds of bodies pounding on other bodies begin to beat within his vessel. The djinn queen is getting closer to him, but she suddenly seems very far away. The dancers start spinning, but Castiel can’t tell if that’s part of the dance or because of the sudden inebriation he realizes is occurring to his vessel. His Grace pulses in agitation, but it feels like swimming through molasses to try and access it, so Cas just closes his eyes.

A warm hand is on his cheek, and—as he opens his eyes—another is pulling him to his feet. Castiel sways and tries to focus. The djinn queen gives a joyful laugh. She takes the crown of teeth from her head and places it in his hand at the same time as swiping the crown of flowers from his head. She grabs his noodle arm and raises it up.

“Put it on your head!” she shouts, pointing at his head as she fixes the flower crown jauntily on her own.

“Oh, um. Right.” Castiel slams the crown of teeth on his head—it was closer to his hand than he’d judged—and adjusts it to stay.

The djinn queen is looking at him, so he says, “So…uh. What exactly is this favor? This seems…um…ritualistic in nature. If I had to guess—” she claps her hands directly in his face.

“Now we dance! That is the favor that you will give to me. A dance at this celebration!”

She grabs his hand, twirls him awkwardly, and yanks him into the sea of serpentining bodies.

Castiel is rudely awakened by a jab of toe into his side. Curious. His does not need sleep, but there is a slight ache behind his eyes that informs him he didn’t sleep so much as “pass out.” He calls his Grace and the ache alleviates. He sits up from where he’d been lying in the dirt to squint up at the djinn who belongs to the offending toe.

It’s Mr. Too-Close-for-Comfort—because of course it is—and he’s looming over Castiel, holding a full bag.

“Get up, angel,” he says.

As Castiel stands he takes stock of himself—he’s still clothed, but the designs on his skin are no more than blue smears now; his crown is nowhere to be found, but there are a couple of crushed and bruised flowers stuck in his hair. What. The. Hell.

The djinn shoves the bag into Castiel’s chest, producing a slight oomph from him.

“Your prize for favoring the queen. Now leave. We have both honored our words. Let us not break them now due to lingering.”

Castiel looks around—he sees a mound of sleeping djinn in clumps all over the territory—but he does not see the Malikah herself.

“I…thank you.”

The djinn laughs at him.

“Have fun with your…quest. Do not forget that you are now bound to us of your own free will. She may yet call claim on that again.”

Castiel shifts the bag in his grasp as he turns to leave—it contains the sought-after fruit (which Cas is just now wondering how he’ll have to mojo though customs)—and heaves a full body sigh.

It would appear that he’s gotten married.

Again.

Src

[expectingtofly]

Not Jealous (Okay, Maybe a Little... Maybe a Lot)

8.1k

fluff, set sometime in s13, tfw gets a visit from the djinn queen

(okay so in 13x16, Cas says he killed most of the djinn guarding the Tree of Life, but this fic ignores that bc I like to think that Cas is an excellent negotiator and actually became friends with the djinn and their queen :))

also posted on ao3

created for CastielWasTheFirstTemptation for the Profound Bond Discord Exchange

Dean was having a crappy Tuesday. And he’d had plenty of experience with bad Tuesdays. 

He was sitting in the library trying to parse through a stack of books, organizing them according to random categories he was half-sure Sam had made up to specifically torture him. 

They’d been busy with hunts all month and on their one day off, Sam had decided it was ��organize the bunker” day. He was downstairs in one of the storage rooms happily cataloguing away. Dean was stuck up here, doing the same thing, less happily. 

He was tossing a book onto the Sewer Dwelling Monsters pile when the bunker door screeched open. 

“Hey,” he called, grabbing another book and leafing through it. “You better have remembered to pick up beer and pie because I’m going crazy here.”

“Dean, we have a visitor.”

And that’s when Dean’s Tuesday got worse. 

Dean looked up to see Cas standing on the stairway next to a ridiculously tall man—and that was saying something when they lived with Sasquatch himself. Dean only needed one look at the black tattoos snaking over the man’s bald head and forearms to realize he was a Djinn.

Quickly, Dean stood, pushing his chair back. “Who the hell are you?” he demanded.

The man fixed him with a heavy stare, then proceeded to scan the room. Cas spoke up, “Don’t worry, he’s not a threat.” To the man, he said, “I promise it’s safe in here.”

“What—” Dean started, then the man nodded once and motioned to someone beyond the doorway. 

In a loud voice, he announced, “May I present Queen of the Djinn, her majesty Zara.”

At his words, a woman swept through the door, dressed in a long, dark cloak, her arms and neck also covered in Djinn tattoos.

“Why, Castiel,” she said, gazing around the room. “What a lovely home you have. I have to say, though, I didn’t expect you to live underground.”

“I’m sorry,” Dean spoke up. “Who the fuck are you?”

The woman turned her eyes on him and Cas shifted uncomfortably. He was holding several reusable grocery bags in his hands. “Dean, this is Zara. My, uh, betrothed.”

“Your what?” Dean spluttered and the woman—Queen Zara, apparently—started down the stairs, her dress and cloak sweeping behind her. 

“You must be Dean Winchester,” she said. “Castiel told me about you.” Reaching the bottom of the staircase, she extended her hand palm down, and Dean stared at it. He settled on shaking it, unsure whether she was expecting him to bow or kiss her hand. 

“Sorry, can we back up for a second?” He looked up at Cas who was following the other Djinn down the stairs. “Did you say betrothed?”

“Yes,” Zara answered brightly. 

“Okay,” Dean said, slowly, unsure if he was understanding this correctly. Cas looked a little guilty. “Care to elaborate, Cas?”

“I may have technically become married to Zara when I went in search of the fruit of the Tree of Life.” Dean raised his eyebrows, and he added, “And I may have forgotten to tell you.”

“You forgot to tell me?” Dean repeated. 

“I was going to,” Cas said. “But then we ended up in that cartoon with the talking dog and there was so much going on—”

“If I may,” Zara interjected, and Dean realized Zara and the man, presumably her bodyguard, were watching them go back and forth. “I see there’s been a miscommunication. See, when Castiel arrived for negotiations to obtain the fruit of the Tree of Life, we Djinn were in the middle of a war. I asked for Castiel’s hand in marriage in exchange for giving him the fruit, and we pledged ourselves to each other, agreeing to hold the official binding ceremonies later when the war didn’t require all my focus.” 

Dean glared at Cas. Pledged themselves to each other? Cas ducked his head with a sheepish look and set his grocery bags on the table.

Unbothered, Zara continued, “Now that the war has ended, I am able to turn my thoughts towards finalizing our relationship. I came to reunite with dear Castiel and bring him back to my kingdom for our official wedding ceremony.”

“Hold on,” Dean spoke up. “Wedding? Bring him back—Cas ain’t gonna marry you.”

Zara’s eye twitched. “I think that’s up to Castiel, isn’t it, Dean?”

Dean looked to Cas for help, who spoke up, “I’m afraid Dean is right, Zara. I’m sorry, but I don’t think I realized the extent of the commitment I made. I can’t marry you.”

Dean eyed Zara and her bodyguard, tensing for a fight, but Zara’s reaction was only to smile and pat Cas’ shoulder. 

“It’s no surprise that you would feel that way, Castiel,” she said. “We hardly know each other, after all. I confess, part of my reasoning for journeying here was to see the real you, to learn about you. I’m eager for us to grow closer during our time together.”

“During our time—” Dean was interrupted by Zara clapping her hands. Instantly, the bunker door opened to admit a line of other Djinn who filed down the stairs, all carrying baskets or trunks or cases.

Dean stared at them. “What the fuck…” 

“There’s more of them,” Cas said unhelpfully.

“Alright, we need to talk.” Grabbing Cas’ arm, Dean pulled him into the adjacent hallway. “Stay right there!” he told Zara, jabbing his finger at her.

“Dean, I’m sorry,” Cas started as Dean dragged him into the hallway. 

“Dude, what the fuck? Getting freaking engaged to a Djinn isn’t just something you forget to tell us about!”

“I was preoccupied!” Cas protested.

“And now you’re gonna let them into the bunker? Are you crazy?”

“They’re not a threat, Dean. Zara is very different from the Djinn we’ve encountered before.”

Footsteps sounded behind them and Dean turned to see Sam running over. “What’s going on out here, what’s all that noise?”

“We’ve been invaded by the Djinn,” Dean said, and Sam’s eyes widened. 

“What? How? I’ll grab guns—”

“No, Sam.” Cas put out his hand to stop Sam from bolting down the hallway. “It’s not like that, they’re friendly.”

“Oh, so now you’re buddies with them?” Dean asked. 

Cas shot him a look and started explaining the situation to Sam. Shaking his head, Dean peeked out through the doorway to watch the Djinn pile their belongings on the map table, Zara giving instructions. 

Preoccupied? Really? Then again, communication never had been one of his and Cas’ strengths. 

There were about ten other Djinn besides Zara and her bodyguard. One of the men set down a large trunk and Dean winced at the scuffing noise it made on the floor. Then the man opened the trunk and Dean startled, realizing it was filled with weapons and blades.

“Hey!” he protested, storming into the room. “No weapons allowed in here. You don’t wanna start something with us, this is our home turf.”

The bodyguard stepped forward, cracking his knuckles, but Zara only laughed. “This is a friendly visit, Dean, I assure you. These items are for Castiel, as part of my dowry.” She brightened, seeing Sam and Cas enter the room. “Sam Winchester, I presume?” She extended her hand. “It is a pleasure to meet you.”

Sam took her hand and made an awkward nod, half bow. “Um, uh, pleasure."

“Charming,” Zara said with a laugh. She looked at Cas. “You were right, he does have such beautiful hair.”

Dean rolled his eyes and Zara motioned around the room. “As you can see, we’ve brought quite a few things. Would you mind having your attendants show mine to the cookery? We brought food for a feast.”

“Um, we don’t have attendants,” Cas said. He looked to Dean for help, and when Dean didn’t offer any assistance—Cas was the one who had gotten them into this mess—he said, “I can show you around.” 

He headed off with Zara, her attendants holding baskets of food, and her bodyguard, who cast a suspicious look at Dean before following. 

Dean glared at their retreating backs. “A feast? What the hell is happening?”

“She seems nice,” Sam commented. 

“Nice? Did you miss the part where she’s engaged to Cas?”

“Yeah. Weird.” He started for the library. “I think we have a few books on Djinn. I wonder how binding their engagements are.”

Dean stared at his retreating back, then at the doorway where Cas and the Djinn had left through. “What the hell is going on?” he asked aloud.

A peek into the kitchen showed the Djinn plating food and cooking—Dean had to force himself to walk away before he started a war with them by barging in and demanding they stop touching his stove.

He followed Zara’s annoyingly regal voice to the hallway outside the bedrooms where Cas was apparently giving a tour to her and her bodyguard.

“How many people live here?” she asked as Dean walked over.

“Just the four of us,” Jack said. 

Oh, so now Jack was in on it too. He smiled, noticing Dean. “Dean! You should try these cookies.” He held up something that looked suspiciously like what the Djinn had been putting on plates in the kitchen.

So now they were bribing his family with food? Crossing his arms, Dean said, “I don’t know if you noticed, Zara, but we weren’t exactly expecting you or your, uh, attendants. Just how long are you planning to stay here?”

“At least a week,” she answered, shattering any hope that they might be gone by 6pm. “Cas was just showing us all these extra bedrooms where we can stay.”

Dean glared at Cas, who avoided his eyes and motioned to Zara to follow him down the hallway. “Um, over here is where we keep archival documents,” he said.

Jack made to follow and Dean grabbed his elbow. “What’s her deal?” he asked, watching Zara and her bodyguard follow Cas down the hallway. 

“What do you mean?” Jack asked, following his gaze.

“She barges in here with a dozen Djinn saying she’s engaged to Cas? Are they trying to infiltrate us? Can you tell if she’s evil?”

“She isn’t saying she’s engaged, she is engaged to Cas.” Jack finished off his cookie. “Cas told me, when he came back from Zara’s kingdom.”

“He told you?” And not me? he wanted to add. 

Maybe it was implied on his face because Jack looked mildly uncomfortable. “I can tell, she isn’t evil. She’s friendly.”

“What else did Cas say about her?” Dean asked, trying not to sound too interested or concerned. No need to panic; Cas had only gotten engaged to obtain the Tree of Life fruit. Not like Cas was actually into the Queen.

“Cas said she was very nice, but that he was in a rush and didn’t realize what was happening until it was too late. I don’t think he thought she would come after him.”

“Yeah, he looks real concerned,” Dean muttered, hearing Cas’ voice echo down the hallway along with Zara’s laughter. 

Wiping crumbs off his hands, Jack said, “I’m gonna get another cookie.”

 Stopping to grab his gun first, Dean followed Jack back to the kitchen. He swore, if the Djinn made a mess… But the room was empty and surprisingly clean for the amount of activity that had just been going on in there. 

They followed the sound of voices to the library where the tables had been pushed together and covered in platters and dishes. Dean stopped in the doorway, staring.

“Cool!” Jack exclaimed, going over to a plate stacked high with cookies.

“I told them we could have the feast in here,” Sam said at Dean’s elbow and Dean startled.

“You told them���” Fuming, he glared at the Djinn talking to Jack. “What’s the verdict? How many do I gotta kill to get Cas out of this engagement?”

“Put the gun away, you don’t have to kill anyone. According to a book I found, as long as Zara agrees to call the engagement off before the wedding begins, Cas isn’t tied to her.” He gestured to the book shelves. “You know, this isn’t such a bad thing, them being here. We've never actually gotten to talk to any Djinn before, and the Men of Letters don’t have much information on them.”

“Of course you’d be a nerd about this,” Dean complained. He nodded at where Zara was entering the room talking with Cas. “Don’t think she’s gonna give Cas up that easily. She already seems pretty attached.”

“I’m sure Cas will talk to her, let her know this is all a misunderstanding. In the meantime, try to be friendly, okay? We can’t risk getting the Djinn on our bad side.”

“We could take them,” Dean said and Sam gave him his patented bitch face. He huffed. “Fine.”

A clinking noise drew Dean’s attention to where Zara was standing at the head of the table, tapping a glass with a spoon. The room grew quiet and she announced, “I want to say thank you to the Winchesters and my betrothed Castiel for so graciously welcoming us into their home. I hope this meal marks the beginning of a wonderful alliance between us Djinn and the hunters. Now let us eat!”

Everyone moved to take a seat, Zara gesturing for Cas to sit at her right hand side. Dean pointedly took a spot close by to keep an eye on her. “I think you’ll enjoy this dish,” Zara said, passing him a bowl. “Cas tells me you’re the cook here.”

“Uh—” Dean took the bowl and ladled what looked like mashed potatoes on his plate. “When’d he have time to tell you that?”

Zara waved her hand. “We talked some when he came to my kingdom. He told me all about you and your brother and why you needed the Tree of Life’s fruit. I must thank you for saving the world quite a few times.”

“Uh, yeah. Sure.”

“You’re welcome,” Sam spoke up. 

Cas had been telling Zara about him? Inconsequential stuff, like that he cooked? Gathering himself, he said, “You know, we’ve encountered plenty Djinn before you.” He ignored the death stare Sam shot at him. “Had to kill plenty too. You wanna tell me how I’m supposed to trust you? What’s stopping you from poisoning all of us?”

Sam cleared his throat and the bodyguard standing behind Zara’s chair glowered at Dean. Dean glared back.

“Those Djinn were not part of my kingdom,” Zara said solemnly. “Our most sacred law is to never bring anyone harm. If I had found those Djinn you speak of, they would’ve been brought to a swift justice.” She glanced at Cas. “I’ve already gained the trust of Castiel, I'd hoped I had your trust as well.”

“You do,” Sam said quickly, side-eying Dean. “Dean’s just being, uh, cautious.”

Cas nodded, and across the table, Jack tore into his meal, seemingly not worried at all that the Djinn had prepared it. Sam gave Dean a pointed look and Dean rolled his eyes. So, Zara and her crew weren’t evil and apparently didn’t mean them any harm. Didn’t mean Dean was going to fall over himself trying to be friends. 

Ignoring Sam’s record-setting bitch face, he hesitantly started eating, finding to his annoyance that Zara was right. This food was pretty damn good.

He kept his mouth shut throughout the rest of dinner. Zara answered Sam’s questions about her kingdom, about the community the Djinn had created in the mountains, hidden from humans. According to her, it was “Heaven on Earth.”

Scowling, Dean drank from the goblet in front of him. Some kind of concoction he wasn’t sure he liked or not. Zara sure was laying it on thick. When she mentioned royal gardens, Dean saw the moment interest flared in Cas’ eyes. 

For fuck’s sake. Of course Zara loved to garden. Bet she had a whole bee farm, or whatever they called those. Anything to get in Cas’ pants, no doubt. 

He tried another sip from the goblet and grimaced. No, not good, he decided. Way too similar to the healthy crap Sam was always eating. Cas asked about the plants Zara had in her gardens, and Dean wondered why Cas had never planted a garden here at the bunker. He was always talking about the benefits of spending time in nature since, apparently, they didn’t get enough sunlight living in an underground bunker. Then again, Dean hadn’t ever really taken Cas’ talk about gardens and sustainability seriously. He categorized Cas’ interest in plants and bees as just another example of what a dork he was. A powerful angel of the Lord, but a dork all the same.

“I’m so happy to see you again,” Zara told Cas as a few of her attendants served what Dean guessed was some kind of Djinn desert, some weird pale pudding. She leaned forward and took one of Cas’ hands, and Dean clenched his own hands into fists under the table. 

Zara stroked her thumb over Cas’ knuckles. “Now that our tribe is at peace with our warring siblings to the North, we are looking to expand relations with other kinds. Humans, for instance, and angels. I think you can be a strong ally in making that happen.”

“I can try,” Cas said. He looked uncomfortable, staring at her holding his hand, and Dean remembered sitting across him in a brothel, trying to get him laid on possibly his last night on Earth. Good times. Even after years of being on Earth and talking to women, Cas never lost the deer in the headlights look when one of them showed interest in him. The sight gave Dean a strange satisfaction. Zara had no chance with Cas. 

She was going to give it her best shot, though. As if a feast wasn’t enough, after dinner, Zara presented Cas with gifts—ornate swords and knives with gilded handles, books detailing the Djinn history and folklore, robes and cloaks like the ones Zara and her entourage wore. Cas kept a polite smile on his face, but Dean saw the increasingly overwhelmed look in his eyes at the sheer amount of gifts.

Dean felt similarly overwhelmed and, somewhere along the line, he decided he’d had enough of Zara doing her damndest to impress Cas, touching his arm at any given chance. She had Sam and Jack under her spell too, it seemed, because neither of them were bothered by the ridiculous show she was putting on. 

Even when he left the library and shut the door to his room, voices and laughter carried down the hallway. He was glad everyone else was having a good time and completely ignoring the absurdity of this situation. Cas? Engaged? And to royalty? 

Seething, he sat on his bed and turned on the TV, trying to distract himself. He didn’t know how much time had passed before he realized he was watching an infomercial for a nonstick pan. 

A knock on his door sounded and he swore under his breath. “Go away, Sam,” he called. If he had to get another lecture about hospitality…

“It’s just me.”

Dean straightened, said, “Come in,” and Cas opened the door, holding a grocery bag. 

“I know, I know,” Dean said. “Don’t be rude to our guests, blah blah blah. I get it.”

“You were very rude to Zara,” Cas agreed, shutting the door behind him. “She’s only trying to be kind.”

Dean scoffed. “Yeah. Kind. That’s all.” Cas stared at him, cocking his head, and Dean rolled his eyes. Of fucking course Cas would be oblivious to Zara flirting with him. “You finally get through the fuckton of gifts she brought?”

Cas sighed. “It was too much. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with it all.”

“Don’t worry, I’m sure Sam will be up early organizing everything.” He nodded at the bag in Cas’ hand. “What’s that?”

“Oh, um,” Cas glanced down at it. “I thought you might want this.”

Dean took it from him and looked inside. The pie and beer he’d requested from the grocery store earlier that day. “Thanks,” he said. 

Cas stepped closer to the bed, then hesitated. Dean motioned for him to sit and Cas did so on the edge of the bed, away from Dean’s legs. He glanced at the TV. “We should have another movie night soon. We haven’t had one in a long time.”

“Yeah. Sure.” He was pretty sure Cas was just trying to appease him, though he didn’t know why. He was the one who’d been rude to Zara, Cas’ “betrothed.”

He opened a beer and watched Cas out of the corner of his eye, heart starting to quicken a little, as it always did when he was alone with him. It was ridiculous, because he and Cas were just friends. Obviously. He didn’t know why he had to remind himself so often. 

Cas twisted a loose thread on his trenchcoat sleeve. “Dean,” he started.

“Your girlfriend’s gonna start looking for you soon,” Dean interrupted. Cas lifted his head and squinted at him. “She sure is trying to impress you, going on and on about her kingdom.”

“It's a very beautiful place,” Cas said. “I wouldn’t mind visiting again. But I wouldn’t want to live there.” He studied him and Dean looked away, picked at lint on the comforter. “Dean, she may be trying to impress me, but I have no intention of marrying her, I never did. This whole situation is an unfortunate accident.” 

Dean cleared his throat. “Right. Yeah. Of course.” Obviously. I know that. Didn’t mean Zara fawning over Cas didn’t make his skin crawl. 

Cas looked like he wanted to say more, but he stood. “I suppose I should return to the library. Are you coming?” 

“Uh, yeah, in a bit,”

Cas left and Dean stared at the closed door, then down at his pie. It shouldn’t matter what Cas did, who he was interested in, who flirted with him. Not like Dean had any say in the matter, not like they were dating or something—which was not an option. Because Cas was just a friend. His best friend, but a friend all the same.

Sighing, he picked up his pie and beer before he left his room. He was going to need them if he was going to have to watch Zara and Cas interact. 

*** 

The next day, Zara and her entourage showed no signs of going home. Dean ran into several of them in the bathroom down the hall, two sitting in the kitchen talking to Jack, and four more in one of the archival rooms helping Sam—as Dean had suspected—catalogue Cas’ gifts.

Zara and Cas he found talking in the library, continuing a conversation from last night about agricultural practices in her kingdom. Apparently there was a lot to say on the topic. Last night, before going to bed, Zara had made some cheeky remark about waiting after the official wedding ceremony to consummate her and Cas’ marriage, and Dean had wanted to rip her head off. It only made things worse that apparently Cas wasn’t bothered by that remark, but of course not—Zara liked gardening and was cultured and had given him a million and one presents. There was no real reason to hate her, though that wouldn't stop Dean. 

He paused in the library’s doorway, before Cas and Zara could spot him, and caught the tail end of what Zara was saying,

“I know that you are distanced from Heaven, as evidenced by you living with hunters.” 

Dean bristled at the underlying meaning in her words—Cas had no place with him and Sam. They were just gross humans. 

Zara continued, “We have many in my kingdom who have been displaced from their homes, who are no longer a part of their own. I think you will find us to be an accepting community.”

“I’m sure I would,” Cas said, and Dean’s heart sunk. “But Heaven hasn’t been my home in a long time. This is my home now.”

Dean felt a little stunned at his words. Cas said it so emphatically. As if the bunker wasn’t just a place he’d ended up, but somewhere he chose to be, wanted to be.

Making a U-turn, he grabbed his keys and jacket and took Baby out for a drive. Unfortunately, even the rushing wind through the windows and the blaring music on the radio couldn’t distract him from his thoughts. 

Did Cas really think of the bunker as home? Here? With him and Sam and Jack? Well, of course, he told himself. Cas lived here, didn’t he? 

It was more than that, though, Dean knew. Cas had rebelled against Heaven to help them. Stuck by their sides for years. If this wasn’t his home, then where else?

And who did Zara think she was? She thought Cas needed a home, that she could give him one. As if they weren’t good enough for him. Well, Dean knew Cas deserved a lot better, but they got along pretty well. Had been through enough shit together, at least.

Zara had met Cas only once; she hadn’t stopped apocalypses and faced demons with him. Dean knew Cas better than anyone, or so he liked to think. Cas knew him better than anyone, at least. 

That’s what this is, he told himself. Why Zara annoyed him so much. He was just pissed that Zara thought she knew what was best for Cas. It didn’t matter that Cas seemed to get along well with her, that she had so much in common with him, that she wanted to marry him. Technically, if Cas wanted to marry her too, that wasn’t a problem either. 

He gripped the steering wheel tighter and glared out at the road. Not a problem.

When the sky was dark, he returned from his drive to a quiet bunker. Zara and her attendants were nowhere to be seen, and as he came down the stairs, Cas walked into the war room.

“Where were you?” he asked, stopping short.

Dean shrugged. “Just out for a drive.” He held out a plastic bag. “Here.”

Frowning, Cas took it from him and pulled out two packets of seeds. “Tomato seeds?” he asked, studying them. 

“Just thought, I don’t know. You’re always talking about nature and whatever. You could start a garden outside. If you want.”

Cas looked up at him, some unreadable emotion on his face. Dean almost asked if a garden was still in the works, or if Cas had started to envision the Djinn gardens. “Figure even if you don’t eat you should contribute to dinner,” he said instead. “Start growing food.”

Cas smiled and looked back at the seeds. “Thank you, Dean. That's very thoughtful of you.” 

Dean felt his face heat. Looking around, he asked, “Where’s her majesty?”

“She went to bed.”

“She try to seduce you?”

Cas cocked his head. “No. Why would she?”

“Uh, maybe because she’s trying to marry you.”

“Well, I’m not marrying her. I think she understands that.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “You sure about that?”

“I’ve made my intentions clear, Dean.”

“Right,” Dean said, not convinced. Cas studied him, the familiar, peculiar squint to his eyes and Dean nearly squirmed. Turning, he said, “I’m going to bed.”

He passed Sam in the hallway near the bedrooms. “Hey,” he said, not stopping.

“Dean,” Sam called, and he turned. “You alright? Where were you all day?”

“Just wanted to get away from our million visitors. I’m fine.”

“Is, um… Is everything alright with you and Cas? He was wondering where you went.”

Dean crossed his arms. “We’re fine. I mean, he brought the Djinn here, but nothing we can do about it now.”

“Right. Um. Well, it’s just…” Sam looked like he was choosing his words carefully. “You’ve been acting… Well, acting kinda weird around Zara and Cas.” Dean stared at him. “Like you’re jealous or something.”

“I’m not fucking jealous! What the hell is there to be jealous about?”

Sam raised his hands. “I’m just telling you what I see.”

“Well, you’re fucking wrong.” Sam started to speak, but Dean ignored him and turned on his heel, continued to his room. “I’m not fucking jealous,” he muttered under his breath.

I’m not jealous, he repeated to himself the next day, watching Zara and Cas talk over breakfast. Or the next, which played out the same way: too many strangers wandering the hallways, Zara taking up all of Cas’ attention. Not that Dean needed Cas’ attention; he just didn’t see how Cas could be so oblivious to Zara’s intentions.

Unless Cas wasn’t oblivious and he was actually interested in Zara.

Absurd, Dean told himself. But the idea sat heavy in his stomach anyway. I’m not jealous, he told himself again. He was starting to sound less convincing. 

***

“Hey where’s Cas?”

Zara looked up from where she and Sam were poring over books in the library. Sam frowned, looking around. “I haven’t seen him yet today.”

“If you find him, tell him to join us,” Zara said, “Sam and I are going through the Men of Letters’ books on the Djinn. I’m afraid there are quite a few historical inaccuracies.”

“Right, sure.” Leaving the library, Dean headed back through the hallways, wondering where Cas could’ve gone. He hadn’t left Zara’s side much in the five days she’d been here. 

Maybe he’s finally gotten annoyed with her, he thought hopefully.

When his search through the bunker proved futile, Dean had a thought and headed outside. Sure enough, a few yards from the bunker door, next to a bag of potting soil and a tray of small green containers, Cas sat cross legged on the grass holding one of the seed packets Dean had bought for him.

“Hey,” Dean said and Cas looked up at him.

“Hello.” He began placing the seeds into the containers and Dean stood there awkwardly, watching. Maybe planting the seeds was a sign; maybe this meant Cas was planning to stay. Or maybe it meant Cas was going to take his tomato plants with him to Zara’s kingdom.

When Cas remained silent, Dean started turning away to leave him to his planting. “You can fill this tray with soil,” Cas spoke up, stopping him.

“Um, okay.” Sitting down next to him, Dean scooped soil out of the bag with a shovel and poured it carefully into the planting containers. Cas smoothed soil over the seeds he'd planted.

“Zara and Sam sure are getting along well,” Dean said after a few minutes of silence. “They’re going through the books in the library right now. Apparently there’s a lot of ‘inaccuracies’ in them.”

“Hmm.” There was a smudge of dirt on Cas’ chin that Dean was more than tempted to wipe off. Looking away, he poured more dirt in the containers before he was idiotic enough to try.

The weather was warm, a breeze rustling the leafy tree branches around them. Dean wished he could relax, but being in such close proximity to Cas was making his pulse race, per usual. Maybe even more so now, considering the way he’d been feeling lately. Not jealousy, he told himself. Just, concern. Friendly concern for Cas. 

Unwittingly, he thought of the way Zara looked at Cas, spoke to him, touched him, and he gripped the shovel tighter in his hand. Okay. Fine. Maybe Sam was sorta right. Maybe he was a little jealous. It didn’t mean anything though.

Realizing Cas had stopped planting seeds, he glanced sideways at him. Cas was letting soil sift through his fingers, a crease between his brows and a seriousness in his gaze that didn’t match the gentle way his fingers moved through the dirt. Dean started to wonder if Cas had come out here to get away from everyone, if something was on his mind.

“You and your plants there wanna get a room?” he asked and, fuck, that wasn’t what he wanted to say. Words were hard.

Cas glanced at him, then his recently planted seeds, and dropped the dirt he was holding. Apropos of nothing, he said, “Zara said she’ll call off the engagement if I really want.”

Dean’s initial surge of relief faded away when Cas kept glaring at the soil. Since he was pretty sure the tomato seeds hadn’t done anything to bother him, he asked, suddenly nervous, “Do you want to call it off?” 

“Yes, Dean. I don’t want to marry her.” Looking away, he brushed dirt from his hands.

“But?” Dean pressed. 

Cas sighed. “But she wants me to come back with her. Just for a visit. And I don’t know if I should.” He reached for a watering can at his side. “Zara and the other members of her kingdom were very welcoming when I first visited, and I’ve enjoyed taking to Zara during her stay here, but we have work to do. I can’t just leave.”

They did have work to do, but that was nothing new. Dean looked around at the start of Cas’ garden, at the slight rise of dirt a few yards away that marked the bunker underground. Maybe this was home for Cas, but it couldn’t compare to a kingdom, not how Zara described it. Begrudgingly, he thought of Cas and Zara's similar interests and her descriptions of her kingdom and how perfect it would be for Cas.

“Maybe you should visit,” he said, hating the way the words felt in his mouth. Cas frowned at him and he added, “Not saying you should marry Zara, but sounds like a cool place.” One part of his brain screamed at him to shut up shut up shut up, but the other told him this was the mature thing to do. Give Cas the freedom to make up his own mind. 

Cas nodded, not meeting his eyes. “I don’t know.” he said quietly. “But if you really think so...” 

“Yeah, of course,” Dean said, feeling a little sick. Ignoring the sensation, he pat Cas on the shoulder. “Whatever you want.” 

Take that, Sam. Could a jealous person do this? 

***

Encouraging Cas to leave with his Djinn friends may have been the mature thing to do, but that didn’t stop it from hurting like hell. Going back inside, Dean holed up into his room, not wanting to hear Zara’s gleeful excitement when Cas told her he was going back with her to her kingdom. He had a feeling Zara wasn’t going to be calling off the engagement anytime soon.

He didn’t emerge until that night, when sounds of conversation and activity had diminished outside his door. One thing he had to say for the Djinn, despite the number of them staying over, the bunker had never been cleaner and they’d all obeyed his command to stay out of the garage. Begrudgingly, he had to admit it wasn’t so bad having them over. If only Zara wasn’t actively trying to impress Cas. 

How many days had they been here? They’d probably be leaving soon. His stomach twisted at the thought, knowing they would take Cas with them.

Just for a visit, he told himself. He’ll be back.

He went into the library looking for a drink and found Zara and Cas poring over books side by side.

“Oh, hey,” he said, stopping in the doorway.

Cas looked up at him, a worried expression on his face. “Are you alright, Dean? You disappeared all day.”

Why does everyone keep asking me that? Going to a side table, he poured himself a drink. “Yeah. Just tired.”

“I’m sure it must be exhausting hosting so many visitors all week,” Zara said. You don’t know the half of it, Dean thought. “But don’t worry, we’ll be out of your hair tomorrow.”

Dean turned, nearly spilling his whiskey. “Wait, what?” 

Zara smiled at him. “We’re returning to my kingdom tomorrow.”

He thought he’d have a few more days… “Tomorrow?” he managed. 

“Yes. I’m afraid I can’t stay forever, my people need me back home. And I know they will be waiting to hear news of my betrothed.” She pat Cas’ hand and Cas turned red.

“Oh. Right,” Dean managed. “Okay.”

He tried to say something else, then turned and left the room in a rush. Tomorrow. Cas was gonna leave and Dean had told him he should go. 

The kitchen was empty and he sat at the table, stared at the glass in his hand. 

I’m being an idiot, he thought. Cas can do whatever he wants, he doesn’t have to stay here. Probably been looking for an out for ages. 

Needing to do something with his hands, he stood and grabbed ingredients from the cupboards. Without really thinking about it, he started making a pie, mixing the ingredients with more force than was necessary. 

“Fucking ridiculous,” he muttered under his breath, rolling out the pie dough. Tell Cas to go to a Djinn kingdom, that’s smart. With Zara of all people? He’s gonna come back officially married to her, talking about the royal gardens. Or just not come back at all.

“Fuck,” he muttered, throwing open the fridge door to grab the butter.

“What’re you doing?”

Dean wheeled around to see Sam standing in the doorway. “What’s it look like?” He slammed shut the fridge door. “Making a goddamn pie.”

“At…” Sam leaned forward to see the time on the microwave. “2:14am?”

“Is it a crime to make a pie at 2am? I had a craving.”

“What are you, pregnant?”

Dean flipped him off and Sam leaned on the doorway. “Don’t see why you’re in such a bad mood. You should be glad; Zara’s leaving tomorrow. You’ve been bitching all week about the ‘invasion’.”

Pausing in draping the pie crust dough over the filling, Dean stared at him. Glad? Was no one else seeing the problem here? “What, you going with them too? Packed your bags yet? Zara seems to have put you under her spell too.”

Sam frowned. “Dean, you don’t think Cas—“

“It doesn’t matter,” Dean said quickly. “He can do whatever he wants.”

“Yeah, but you got this all wrong.” Straightening from the doorway, Sam came to the island. “Cas isn’t going with the Djinn.”

“How do you know?”

“Because he isn’t! Why the hell would he?”

Oh, I don’t know, Dean thought. Maybe because Zara is fucking perfect for him and knows exactly what he wants and knows how to actually talk to him and not act like a goddamn idiot every time he’s in the room.  

Furiously, he crimped the edges of the pie crust and accidentally tore a hole. “Son of a bitch!”

“Okay...” Sam said, watching him. “I don’t know what the hell’s going on with you, but snap out of it. Cas isn’t going anywhere and maybe if you talked to him, you’d know that. Or even just stopped to think for a second.”

“Fuck off,” Dean said, and Sam threw up his hands.

“Fine,” he said, leaving the room. “But you’re freaking out over nothing.”

Dean glared at him and put his pie in the oven, sat back down. He’d done plenty of thinking and like it or not, it didn’t seem completely outside the realm of possibility that Cas would want to be with someone who understood him and appreciated him. Not that Dean didn’t understand or appreciate him, of course he did. Cas was his best friend and Cas had saved his life countless times and Cas was Cas—he was dorky and sarcastic and weird and considerate and too fucking earnest in a way that made Dean squirm while also being secretly jealous of how Cas could just say things and, and—

And fuck he wanted Cas to stay.

He didn’t know how long he stared at the table, but he startled when the timer beeped to announce his pie was done. He glanced at the oven, then looked around the empty room.

"I think I really like him," he said aloud.

 Taking the pie out of the oven, Dean grabbed plates and silverware and headed to the library, hardly knowing what he was doing, just hoping to find Cas. Thankfully, Cas was still there, sitting alone.

“Made pie,” Dean announced eloquently, setting everything down.

Cas looked up and shut the book he was reading. “Oh.”

Tossing his oven mitts to the side, Dean cut a slice and wordlessly slid the plate to Cas. Cas stared at him like he had two heads. “Figured you might want to try it,” he said. “See what the molecules taste like.” In truth, he was stalling. He didn’t know what to say to Cas, how to share his recent epiphany that yes, he was jealous, and yes, he did like his best friend, and yes, he was panicking a little.

Cas looked like he had a few questions, but he took the plate. “Thank you,” he said. 

“No problem.” Dean’s hands were sweating as he served himself his own slice and sat down across from Cas. He had been hungry before, but now his stomach clenched in anxiety, too many words rolling around in his head with no coherency. 

Cas picked up his fork and Dean figured the best way to start was with the truth. 

“Don’t go,” he blurted out.

Cas paused, fork poised midair. “What?”

Dean’s face flushed, but it was either speak now or regret it forever. “I know I said you should leave with Zara, but I didn’t mean it.”

Cas slowly lowered his fork, and it seemed speaking a few words broke down a wall in Dean’s mind because the rest came flooding out.

“I know I can be a real dick,” he said, “and I know I don’t know anything about gardening or agriculture, and I know I’ve been acting weird lately, but it’s because I really don’t want Zara to take you away from us. And maybe that’s selfish on my end—no, I know it is. But she doesn’t know you, really know you! And I do. I’ve known you forever and you’re my best friend and also maybe I wish we were more.” His face heated further, and he quickly added, “It’s alright if you don’t want more, that’s fine, just forget this conversation, but the main point is that I don’t want you to leave. I mean that. Please stay.”

Cas’ gaze had turned serious during Dean’s rambling, and Dean stopped there, heart pounding, mouth dry. He hadn’t expected to say all that, but he realized he meant what he’d said. Had meant all of it for a long time now, even if he’d been pretending not to. And maybe it was too late to tell Cas now. But he’d finally said it.

“Dean,” Cas said, and Dean braced himself for the I’m sorry, but... The, you suck and I’m leaving with Zara. Or even, you want more? That’s absurd. Why the hell would we ever be more than friends?

But what Cas said, instead, was, “I thought you wanted me to leave.”

Dean stared at him. And, yeah, he guessed he had told Cas to leave. But Cas should know by now that he was an idiot who usually said the wrong things. “I didn’t mean it,” he said. “I’ll go crazy if you leave, honest. I can’t…” He thought about how empty the bunker felt when Cas left for even a day, thought about how much it killed him to see Cas with Zara, and said, almost desperately, “I can’t do that. You leaving.”

Cas’ gaze had softened and his voice was quiet when he asked, “What do you mean by more?”

Dean’s heartbeat kicked up and he stared at his plate. Fuck. What did he mean? “I don’t know. Well, maybe I do. I just…” He took a deep breath and met Cas’ eyes. “I just want to be with you. Romantically, or whatever. More than just being friends.” He held Cas’ gaze even though his heart was pounding and a tiny voice in his brain screamed, abort mission, because it felt like such a relief to get the words out, albeit awkward and stilted.

Cas studied him and Dean’s pulse hammered in his chest as he waited for inevitable rejection. Instinct told him to backtrack, but now that he’d voiced everything, it seemed like torture to have to carry it all inside him again. He didn’t know how he’d done it for years. 

Then Cas spoke. “I want more too,” he said, like it was the easiest thing to say in the world. 

Dean stared at him. “You do?” he managed, and Cas nodded. 

“I was never going to leave, Dean. This,” he gestured around them. “This is my home. Here with you. I want to be with you too.”

“Oh,” Dean breathed. Cas never was going to leave. He started to feel a little ridiculous for his panicked pie baking, but a smile tugged at the corner of Cas’ mouth and Dean started smiling too. Cas wanted more.

“Can I… Can I kiss you?” he asked and Cas nodded. He started pushing his chair back, then Dean was standing and meeting him by his chair. 

Raising his hand, he touched Cas’ cheek. He was feeling a little dizzy from the remarkable change of events in so short a time, but the look in Cas’ eyes anchored him. This is what he wanted, had been wanting. 

Cas’ eyes fell shut when he leaned down to kiss him, and Dean smiled a little before pressing his lips to Cas’, finally.

His brain short circuited a little when Cas kissed him back, and it was a second before he could process the way Cas was pressing up close to him, hands gripping at his shirt. Slipping his arms around Cas’ waist, he pulled him flush, chest to chest. Cas made a small noise in the back of his throat and wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck. Dean’s head spun.

They kissed until Dean couldn’t catch his breath, until he felt weak at the knees. He let out a breathless laugh when they broke apart, and Cas smiled at him.

“I’ve wanted more for a long time,” he said. “I didn’t think you did too.”

“Yeah, well,” Dean kissed him again, pausing to say, “I guess I just never admitted it to myself.”

“And you realized this while making pie?” Cas asked, gesturing to the dish on the table. 

“Yeah,” Dean admitted, a little sheepishly. “But better late than never, right?”

“Right,” Cas said with a smile and kissed him.

Dean kissed him back, then took his hand, tugged him to the hallway. Cas followed easily, smiling, and Dean couldn’t resist kissing him again along the way. 

They eventually made it to Dean’s bedroom, but Cas paused when Dean grabbed the doorknob. “Hold on.”

Letting go of Dean’s hand, he went to the room where Zara was staying and knocked on her door. 

After a few moments, she opened it in a silk nightgown. “Why, hello, Castiel,” she said smiling. “What a surprise.”

“I need you to annul our engagement,” Cas said and Zara’s smile froze. Dean bit back a grin. “Now,” Cas added.

“I—Um. I thought we would discuss this further at a later time. Perhaps allow you more time to decide—”

“I’ve decided.” Cas motioned to Dean, and Zara leaned out to see him standing there. Dean waved. “My home is here.”

Zara blinked at them and Dean stepped forward. “What he means is,” he snaked his hand around Cas’ waist, “he’s taken.”

Cas grinned at him and Zara looked mildly stricken, staring back and forth between them. Then resignation spread over her features and she smiled a little. “I see.” Waving her hand, she said, “Well, then. Consider yourself free of our engagement.” 

“Thank you,” Cas said. 

“Of course. It’s the least I can do to repay your hospitality. And I won’t stand in the way of true love.” She started to shut her door, then paused, looking at Dean, “And since I seem to be single once again, please tell your brother he is welcome to visit my kingdom anytime.” With a wink, she shut her door, and Dean stared at it for a moment.

“I don’t wanna unpack all that.” He looked at Cas and smiled a little. “You sure you don’t wanna marry her?”

Cas rolled his eyes. “I’m sure.” And, as if to prove his point, he kissed Dean again. Then he pulled back to meet Dean's eyes. "You haven't been jealous all this time, have you?" 

"No," Dean said. Cas' eyes narrowed and Dean admitted, "Maybe a little." Okay, maybe a lot.

Tag List:

@becky-srs @xojo @marvelnaturalock @aelysianmuse @prayedtoyou @letsjustdieeveryone @good-things-do-happen-dean @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @theninthdutchessofhell @madronasky @famouspsychicpizzabandit @multifandomdisorder @arcticfox007 @mixtapecas @improvedpeanut @castiel-is-a-cat @harmonyhelms @thetrueliesofafangirl @dean-you-assbutt-cas-loves-you @theangelwiththewormstache @confusedisaster @welcome-to-crowleys-hellhole @queen-rowenas (tagging you bc your post about the djinn queen sparked this idea :))

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SPN 15X06 Golden Time: Overview/Meta

Summary (via IMDB): Sam and Dean are visited by an old friend; Castiel investigates the disappearance of a local teen.

Written by: Meredith Glynn

Directed by: John F. Showalter

Tagging: @thegalwhorants @emblue-sparks @metafest @verobatto-angelxhunter @evvvissticante @sudo-apt-get-destiel @wildligia @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @stopmakingfaces @legendary-destiel @studio-hatter (peeps put in bold are those tumblr won’t let me tag. It’s tumblr, what else is new?)

Spoilers below the cut:

Sam and Dean, and their faith in Free Will

In 15X03, with Rowena's death, Dean reverts back into caregiver mode. In order to not upset Sam, Dean humors him with 'It's not your fault' and 'It was Rowena's choice'. But, with Cas, who Dean sees as an equal, Dean is brutally honest. As I've said in my notes for 15X03, this is Dean taking away Rowena's choice. In 15X06, we find out it's because Dean feels he doesn't have any, himself.

In 15X04, Dean tries to cheer Sam up. Sam is understandably upset, and tries to get Dean to work the case alone. But, Dean is being big brother, it's his 'job' to convince Sam all's well. Now, in 15X06, after Dean finds out Chuck never really left, Dean's tapped-out. The shoe's now on the other foot, and he insists Sam work this milk-run of a case, alone. 

Sam and Eileen finding Free Will / Dean and Cas' potential future

Saileen, reunited. Another case of how gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day. The mirror for Destiel in S13, specifically 13X03 and 13X05, is obvious. But, could it also be foreshadowing? Is this hinting at Cas' deal with the Entity still being in play, and that death will separate he and Dean one more time? But, it also implies Dean's needing to step up, to find a way to bridge that gap between their world and the Empty. Dean can't do that if he's convinced he has no free will. He needs to be like Sam, and find a way to take back control. I'll explore this more in Dean's section.

Dean, and his loss of faith

In 15X06, Dean admits part of what's been bothering him; because of Chuck, he doesn't know what is or isn't real. At this, Sam insists Chuck can't be in full control, because he didn't anticipate Sam shooting him. But, it still leaves the question; what's real?

Dean manipulated by God

In both 15X04 and 15X05, Dean is more trigger-happy than usual. Killing Billy, who simply needed to be taught a better way to live, and wanting to kill the werewolf brothers before having definitive proof, is carried over into 15X06 with the youngest Witch, Emily. Emily, who showed signs of change, of remorse. 

We know from Lilith that Chuck wrote the majority of events in 15X05. In 15X06, we get from Dean this important question; What's real and what's Chuck?

Let's go back to 15X04. New Vampire Billy, remorseful for the things he's done, is executed by Dean for his crimes. With the right guidance, Billy could've found a way to adjust to his new life. Recent seasons of SPN would suggest this possible, even calling back to Benny in the same episode. Instead? Billy's treated like a rabid dog. His death mirrors what God wanted for Jack in 14X20. It's safe to say Chuck 'wrote' 15X04.

In 15X06, Sam recalls to Eileen how Rowena knew the game was fixed; magic became Rowena's way of taking back control. Sam is likened as Rowena's apprentice, and uses her spell to bring back Eileen. Combined with Sam's ability to see Chuck's drafts, I think it's plain and simple; Sam's actions, decisions, are his own. Everything he did with Eileen this episode, I believe, was Free Will.

So, what isn't real?

Dean comes in, kills Emily, the daughter with potential to change. The camera lingers on the horror of it all. I think, because Dean doubts his control over his own life, he's more vulnerable to Chuck's manipulations. Chuck's just pushing for one brother to kill the other. And, who most often appears, in Sam's visions, as a rabid dog?

A final note, before moving on: Sam thrives by following Rowena's lead. He's found power in a fixed game, and has gotten the woman he loves back. Dean has lost faith in Free Will, feels stuck, and has lost Cas.

Cas, on his own

In 13X16, Cas enters the Bunker, recounting his recent solo mission. To get fruit from the Tree of Life, he had to kill many of the Djinn guarding it. Seeing this, the Djinn Queen tries to make peace. Cas expresses how he's unsure if this truce included he and the Queen getting married.

15X06 forces us to, in the wake of Cas working a solo hunt that results in him confronting a Djinn, to think back to 13X16. One resulted in him being sort-of married, though he's unsure. This is in the wake of several references to marriage and divorce throughout S15, the most noteworthy of which is the not-Destiel divorce. After all, how can you breakup if you weren't together in the first place?

But, Cas has been through a separation, of sorts. He tells Melly as much when talking about needing to get away from bad management (God) and how it wasn't the only issue at work (Dean). We know none of Cas' issues are with Sam, they are entirely with Dean, and we, the audience, have to acknowledge this.

In 13X16, Cas maybe got married.

In 15X06, Cas is kind of divorced.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Those are my thoughts/spec/meta for this episode! I hope you enjoyed reading, and if you want to be tagged in future notes/metas, let me know!

[naruhearts]

13x20: “I don’t care what happens to me”-- Dean Worthless Winchester, John Winchester’s Death and Destiel

Oh my god!

I gotta say, 13x20 was an ANGSTY FEELSY amalgamation of meta and foreshadowing for the Big Finale Triad of 21, 22, and 23. It laid down S5 tones, key themes, and narrative direction, hoo boy!!! 

I’m sorry I posted late! Time-of-month sickness was an interruption, yikes.

I’d like to start with the Dean & Sam final scene, then talk about the major culminating implications this Father-centric episode specifically holds for our beloved protagonist Dean Winchester the shackled child — the Man behind the Mask (which S13 has been a gigantic narrative mirror of) — and the Destiel narrative/Cas in relation to Dean’s arc and character disposition *rubs hands together*

Glynn & Co made Dean’s axel-swinging between communication and miscommunication pretty clear to me in the last scene of 13x20, especially regarding the dialogue that people thought was character regression into Brodependency.

After sleeping on it, I didn’t see the same scale of toxic codependency from seasons ago a la ‘there ain’t no me if there ain’t no you.’ It wasn’t mutual. I saw it as: 1. more from Sam’s end, and 2. Dean’s willingness to protect his loved ones (Sam and CAS, in bold) combined with letting go and the textual acknowledgement of his low self-worth carrying over from 13x05 (the low self-worth he internalized across 99.6798% of his life course).

Firstly, Dabb’s subverting S5. 

He put independent Dean in S5 independent Sam’s shoes here, and it’s surely not a coincidence that Dean himself referenced their implosive S5 Michael-Lucifer mess: “Where we were last time we had front row seats”. S5 exhibited Dean’s Holding On vs Sam’s Letting Go, with lost Dean crawling to Lisa’s door and yeah, we know how that prickly-edged story went. It’s finally Dean Letting Go vs Sam Holding On. It’s indicative of S13 faithless Grieving!Sam re: Mary/Jack seeking his own emancipation and finding real introspective purpose away from the codependent strings he’s clinging to. We heard Sam’s “If we die, we die together”. Don’t fret, his current arc is constructed to get rid of this kind of thinking and move towards Faith!

Dean’s prepared to cut the codependent strings — already has via 12x22, and then in 13x05 (albeit in a suicidal grief-ridden manner. Speaking of, 13x20 this time shifted focus to Sam’s risk-taking re: Lucifer and the Apocalypse in itself. Unsurprisingly, we already witnessed this narrative train running in reverse -- early S13 Grieving!Dean and Functioning Sam swapped roles post-13x06 and in 13x11. Man, I am pumpin’ my fists).

Atop the bro dualism, Dean’s behaviour in 13x20 concerned me the most, saddened me the most, and intrigued me the most. 

:’( 

I may have yelled said that Dean has emotionally matured, eliminated toxic coping mechanisms, achieved an internal balance between his femininity and non-performative masculinity (acknowledged in 13x04; actively manifested in 13x16 onwards x, x), and gained a sense of non-combative communication and understanding (seen in 13x14), yet his low self-worth constitutes the biggest roadblock to his FULL personal growth.

Okay, I know you’ll exclaim: after Cas returned, Dean wasn’t depressed anymore! 

Well, that’s accurate and relatively inaccurate. Dean’s low self-worth is the central facet of his characteristic development, and it does have a guaranteed correlation with depression. Yes, you can feel worthless without being clinically depressed, but worthlessness is maladaptive and contributes to feeling depressed --> Dean’s depression. 

Dean’s case is a heartbreaking one. He’s been depressed for YEARS. He never really cared about what happened to him for YEARS = our Dean meta textualized in gloomy letters!!

Yes, the single individual -- the canon WIN -- that placed him back on the rails was Cas, his Everything, resurrecting from the dead. Cas’ return drastically mitigated Dean’s severe nihilistic depression (aka his rock bottom nihilistic grief when he lost Cas) BUT it didn’t necessarily fix his pre-existing depression.

S13 depicts Dean -- despite Cas’ bright presence -- as traveling the rails empty. There’s not enough coal to fuel his engine because he LACKS the mental faculties to appropriately cope re: trauma and give up his control. This is why he seems to oscillate between character progression and regression, and he still isn’t 100% HONEST and OPEN about his feelings. He’s keepin’ it in. There’s no healthy psychological unload taking place.

Case in point? Dean’s regressed to drinking the hard booze again; Cas FILLS the negative spaces (as he’s been doing throughout S13). Dean is not disclosing the whole truth -- not saying what he’s genuinely feeling (to CAS. I discuss it x, x, x). 

Plus, Dean’s internal worries re: Death, the next apocalyptic war, Cas’ Heavenly plans, and his respective destiny/fate (Death’s “See you soon”) just exacerbate the personal instability he’s experiencing.

And then we observe Dean’s parental duty rearing its head:

To me this is what reiterated the Brodependency being dismantled in late S12/S13 (12x22 and 13x12/15 in particular). Don’t get me wrong – Dean’s mostly let go. He was willing to leave Sam behind in 13x05 after losing the one person who textually means Everything to him. 

Dean’s psyche is at a point right now where he AIN’T okay with Sam’s risk-taking. He questions his little brother’s half-baked plans and sympathizes with the close-to-here manic desperation (again, mirroring S5 and S13 Grieving!Dean), except Dean’s low self-worth puts him in the dark position: I’m doing it, all of it, for YOU (Sam and Cas) since I don’t value myself enough to do it for ME. He further says--

He obviously does, but us, the audience, know--in dramatic irony fashion--that this is NOT Dean’s entire truth.

He values his brother more than himself, and he values CAS more than himself. He cares about what happens to CAS. Nothing Else Matters. And we’re aware that Cas canonically occupies the highest pedestal in Dean’s life, which TPTB absolutely highlighted during Dean’s grieving arc, Cas’ return, and 13x16 onwards. 

(In this scene, Dean continues to tell Sam what he’s NOT telling Cas. USE THE RIGHT WORDS.)

 Cas is the love of Dean’s life, his Everything, and his Win. I mentioned before that losing Cas a second time would destroy him.

(**Dating 101: Dean therefore cannot establish a truly healthy, mutually interdependent relationship with Cas if he has low self-worth. He’s trying, but his personal losses -- more LOSSES than wins this season i.e. AU!Charlie/Mary/Jack in AU, non-confronted traumas i.e. Cas’ death, and insecurities cripple his ability to give Cas ALL of himself, out in the open!)

Although Dean HAS FAITH (Cas), the decisions he’ll formulate to protect/save Sam, Mary, Jack, and especially Cas aren’t exactly derived from mental stability. Keeping them safe is too paramount to Dean that the choices he’ll encounter could be questionable/dangerous, putting him in the line of (sacrificial) fire. 

Sound familiar? It’s deliberately supposed to sound familiar!

Jack, TFW’s Unity/Balance symbol and characteristic mirror, even stated that ‘if he can’t keep others safe, what’s the use’?

Dean will make the penultimate save-the-world (read: save my family) decision ALONE regardless of Sam’s regressive wish to die together. And I wrote that his arc is now DIRECTLY paralleling S11 Casifer & Depressed!Cas’ S11/12 arc, especially (mis)communicative 12x19 --> 12x23 ‘I Have Faith’ Cas. There’s prevalent narrative symmetry in Dean’s arc (intrinsically linked to Cas’ arc).

“You, me, and Sam...we’re just better together” indeed, and this year’s season-ender should unite TFW like last season--unite Dean and Cas--in order to change their fates/defeat Death, but Dean’s decision will be an isolated one --> one that was foreshadowed as he faced expositional Daddy Issues™ Loki by himself. And Dean may not tell Cas, just like Cas hadn’t told Dean in 12x23 about his sacrificial act.

These vastly important storytelling threads ultimately conjoin with “I don’t care what happens to me. I never really have” as the PINNACLE of Dean’s 13-year long characterization; the progressive climax sparking his death/decay so that he can be reborn and revitalized aka THIS IS IT!! Dean’s impending death and self-sacrifice for his loved ones (CAS) = the ultimate catharsis in that S13′s narrative has finally approached the IRL scenario of 13x16 ghost kid (DEAN)’s release from father figure Bad Man -- from the negative influence of all the other literal (Loki, Odin, Lucifer, James Turner) and metaphorical (Asmodeus, Buddy, Michael) fatherly mirrors permeating this season. He’ll LET GO of everything that incarcerated him since he was 4 years old: his Blunt Tool role, control, manipulation, parental abuse and absenteeism, parental duty, the heteronormative patriarchy, and the long-standing trauma slapped on him by Alastair, Amara, and Cain.

He’ll burn the remaining pocket knife of all pocket knives tethering him to his past -- John Winchester x, x He’ll self-transform.

And Dean’s S13 death would fulfill the sacrificial Act of True Love (with Cas holding heavy weight in Dean’s decision for LOVE)--

--and S14 Winning Him Back in the subverted flavour of S10. Romance tropes abound!!

 @thetwistedwillow and @sactownbrowns3 both ignited my stomach-churning feels. This is an extremely pivotal visual. The Michael-reminiscent sword and radiant halo-like lights atop Dean’s head? Yeah, set off HUGE Michael!Dean radars. Complete moral dualism with S10 Demon!Dean--selflessness vs selfishness. Free choice (saying yes to possession) vs stolen choice (demon transformation against his will).

Secondly, as aforementioned, Dean’s harbouring a LOT of traumas he hasn’t mentally confronted, with Daddy Issues™ re: John Winchester (reflected via Dean’s solo faceoff with Loki) as his overarching undealt source of trauma.

Loki tells Dean: “The truth is, [Odin] despised me, but he was my father. I’m sure you understand. What would you do for your father?” 

And Dean stabs Loki’s hologram. He stabs the metaphorical father figure who neglected his sons. He stabs another narrative embodiment of John’s ghost, foreshadowing that Dean’s death = John Winchester’s final death. It’s time to deconstruct and conquer his influence.

(Gabriel was an extended mirror of both Dean and Sam, too. Gabe, the little brother whom deadbeat Daddy Chuck never paid attention to. ‘Ah, big bros, right? Always think they know best’ Gabe, who stabbed and killed deadbeat Loki. Gabe, who subsequently ran away from home, was used and tortured beneath Asmodeus’ control, embarked on a revenge trip, and didn’t feel good about it. Dean and Sam themselves knew what it felt like to be manipulated. While it’s true that their traumatic experiences are subjective, they share common Deadbeat Father-adjacent life courses.)

What beautiful and consistent silent storytelling!!

And oh look, narratively associated to this ^^ is the reappearance of Dean’s John-linked BAG OF EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE--

I can’t can’t can’t wait for him to let go of it PERMANENTLY! 

And of course, Cas’ death remains his immediate significant source of undealt trauma (same links above:  x, x, x)

*looks at Dean’s serious, intense, and emotionally laden expression* *clutches chest tight* *blinks away tears*

I additionally wrote something about Endverse!Cas and D/C (mis)communication a few months ago which I feel is relevant again:

And we know HUMAN Endverse!Cas was representative of that, a sad, depressed, and hollow depiction of the wrong choices for the right reasons who festers (AND DIES), in part because of Dean’s wrong choices, and also because of his own consciously uninformed, narrow-minded choices that led to this literal apocalypse of mind, body and soul.

5x04 laid down what Cas (and Dean) shouldn’t become. If both Cas and Dean (TFW) continue to fail in learning their lessons regarding healthy interdependence (where control must become equality; ignorance must become understanding; intransigence must become compromise; stonewalling must become transparency; lying must become honesty; silence must become communication), Endverse will be their life.

Thankfully, they’re learning as of S13 onwards and I’m ECSTATIC. Slow but sure progress (13x15′s conveying the shift), yet they still have to use the RIGHT WORDS.

Endverse!Dean, who never gave up his control to Cas nor listened to him, was himself consumed by the NEED over the WANT and an authoritarian means to an end. He lost everyone. And Endverse posed an ultimatum for Dean (and Cas’ own characteristic progress): keep your control forever, and you’ll have one destination–no growth, no life, no freedom. 

Full circle!

Dean Winchester must die so he can live.

And what are Dean’s WINS (plural) by dying? Saving people instead of losing people--saving Mary, Jack, Sam, and Cas. Saving the world. Reuniting his family unit. Interacting instead of performing. OUTING INSTEAD OF HIDING. HIGH DEPRESSIONLESS SELF-WORTH INSTEAD OF LOW DEPRESSIVE SELF-WORTH.

Better yet, Dean will undergo character development in relation to his loved ones (and Cas). With high self-worth, Dean’s capable of learning how to value HIMSELF independently. In turn, without personal obstacles he’ll learn how to sustain HEALTHY interdependent relationships and COMMUNICATION as well as learn how to WHOLLY GIVE HIMSELF to others (Cas).

Tell Cas he’s not expendable, Dean. Disclose the real reason YOU “needed him back”. Expose your feelings, choose Want over Need, and push away your rejection fears! Cas loves you dearly—let him know that his love for you is reciprocated. Nothing but good things ahead!!

Gosh, this post is way longer than I expected—thank youu for sticking to it! Circumstances shall get worse before they get better, and it’s totally necessary to ensure our characters meet the final demise of their prisons.

BTW, I still can’t believe we got a borderline blatant onscreen bi!Dean (and Cas insert) treat!! What’s by is by! Overall I’m incessantly praising Dabb’s spectacular work so far + Glynn and Rich Speight Jr’s craft in this ep!!

Very little sub is left in the text, my friends. TPTB are rendering years’ worth of meta increasingly explicit in S13. I can only HOPE and expect that 13x23/S14 brings us past the Point of Know Return subtextual boundaries and into full-blown textual narrative! Authorial intent EXISTS. 

**I know, I know--S14 wasn’t confirmed as the last season and S15 is fair game. The plot accordion, as per usual, re-emerges with the slight overhaul/pullback of characteristic arcs and narrative plot due to season renewals, but I’m Endgame Positive that slow progress is SURE progress. Imho Dean and Cas are so close in saying everything from saying nothing. THE UNSAID WILL BE SAID.

Bracing myself for the last 3 episodes—they’ll burn us in awesome ways!! 

[archeolatry]

TL;DR meta

So I'm bad at writing essays, but good at telling stories. (I like packing the symbolism. I do not like unpacking it/explaining my train of thought.) Because of my bucket o' brain disorders, I don't have the patience to wrangle all my thoughts and cite every source unless it's for grades or money. So, I will make this both brief and illustrated.

13x15

13x16

Things that the Impala and Scooby have in common:

Being constants in Dean's life. The Imapala has been around since he was a kid. Fixing it and keeping it running are important to Dean. Scooby Doo was on at every motel Dean ever was dragged to as a kid. No matter where he was, he could be comforted by this show.

Dean can be unabashedly loving and appreciative of them. He loves his car. The car that he's slept in, eaten in, fucked in, probably lived in and out of. He loves Scooby Doo. He loves that source of companionship when he's in a new place- possibly while not in the best headspace. (Scared about whatever his father was hunting, trying to keep Sam safe, worrying if there would be enough food, etc.)

Dean's need/want/desire to keep safe that which is pure and familar. Keeping the Impala the same—down the the legos and toy soldiers—is important to Dean. He doesn't wany any other car. He doesn't even want a different Impala. He doesn't want the Scooby Gang to know that their world is just a cartoon. He doesn't want them to know that there's a real world with ghosts and monsters and blood. He doesn't want to ruin their lives.

Dean would shed blood—his own or someone else's—to maintain this status quo. Dean would murder anyone who tried to take the Impala. Dean would take a bullet for Scooby Doo.

I wonder if there's any other person/place/thing that Dean equates with reliability and a safe space to be vulnerable, but also a purity that he needs to protect...

[mishasaurus]

When do you think Cas will come back?

Soon. Whenever sometime big happens, it's usually fixed within the first few new episodes. *cough* deanmon *cough* It's also been confirmed that Misha's in scoobydoo ep (13x16) so most likely way before then. Thanks for the ask, and I hope this helps! :)

[i-may-have-a-point]

Japril Foreshadowing??

I don’t know if any of this makes sense, but I took a look at some possible examples of foreshadowing for Japril going back to season 10 through the present.  I really just needed to write this down for myself because when I am overanalyzing something, writing it down makes it clearer.  Anyway, here are some thoughts if you are bored and need something to read...

I know that most Japril fans are going crazy with the lack of any kind of resolution to their relationship after Japril the Sequel.  I, like most of you I’m sure, have been rewatching old episodes of Japril while I wait for them to admit they are sneaking off to on-call rooms again.  During my rewatches I was thinking about all the foreshadowing that we can see now that we know what comes after old episodes. So, I wanted to see if I could find any foreshadowing that will give us more of an idea of where they are headed. I mean, you guys really already know what I think because of my 13x16 review, but I’m sure most of you won’t mind if I talk about Japril just a bit more.  

In most seasons, we get a pretty good idea of where Japril’s storyline is headed for that season in the first few episodes.  For example, in 10x03, the episode where April gets her board results for the second time, we have awkward Japril with underlying hints that they still have feelings for each other.  And that pretty much explains all of season 10 for them, several awkward moments filled with sexual tension leading up to them admitting their love for each other.

In 11x01, April tries to convince Jackson to be Owen’s friend because Cristina just left and he is sad.  They have some cute, funny moments, but also a really telling moment when April asks Jackson, “What if it were me who had left?”  And of course, that is a summary of season 11.  We have cute, funny moments at the beginning of the pregnancy that turn into sadness, and like she foreshadowed, April leaves.  

But it was 12x02 that really caught my attention.  I think this episode parallels Japril’s story in season 12 closer than the previous seasons. At the beginning of the episode Jackson is pissed at April, just like he is for the beginning of the season.  We pretty much only see pissed off Jackson until he heals Kamal’s hands in 12x06 (and we got that hug!).  Jackson and April don’t communicate well in season 12 (shocking) but the “bubble” that April is in represents the barrier that is between them through the whole season.  She literally cannot get to him through the glass, so she has to wait for him to come to her.  Just like in the whole season, she tries to get to him, to talk to him, but she has to wait for him to come to her.  He finally does, but he tells her he doesn’t know if they are worth fighting for.  And we see that represented in the middle of the season.  He gives up on them.  He divorces her and walks away.  In the bubble, she tells him that she will fight for both of them because “I won’t break my promise to you.”  And we see the theme of broken promises come back in 12x11 (and JTS).  So, although Jackson didn’t say what she wanted him to when he came to see her in the bubble, we do see them at least begin to communicate. They are on completely different pages, but they are talking. This happens again in 12x07/12x11.  Sure they talk, but they still see things very differently.  We also see that their feelings for each other are still strong (and thank God because hot sex on the counter).  But we already knew that their feelings were still there, right? Because 12x02 already showed us that.  In 12x02 April openly admitted she still wanted to be married to Jackson, but the audience wasn’t so sure about Jackson.  Until that moment in the OR.  He is operating on a patient, the OR phone rings, and he is told that April may be in trouble.  One of the many great things about Japril is how well Jesse and Sarah communicate emotions with their eyes, and this was one of those scenes.  He has on a surgical mask and his scrub cap, so all we can see is his eyes, and we are still able to see that his heart breaks at the possibility that April is not okay.  And then he runs.  Literally runs to her.  So, when Jackson thinks April is hurt, he runs to her.  We see this again later in season 12.  In the finale, when Jackson knows April is not okay, he runs to the ambulance, just as he ran to her at the beginning of the season.  Jackson may have been angry with her, but when April truly needs him, his instinct is to be there.  

So, what does any of this have to do with season 13?  Besides the fact that we aren’t getting any Japril scenes, so we might as well watch old ones?  Well, I think that since early Japril scenes in many seasons often foreshadow how their story will go for the entire season, I decided to look at 13x02 to see what if there may be foreshadowing there as well.  (Insert rant about beautiful scenes of them with Harriet that were cut from 13x01 here.)  

Going into season 13, Japril really could have went several ways.  We got the adorable family scene in 12x24, but that doesn’t mean anything in Shondaland.  The first scene we get with them is when Alex brings Harriet in to the room and tells Jackson and April they can take her home.  April, of course, can’t go home because her incision has reopened.  This was an important decision on the part of the writers.  In real life, April would have had to spend extra time in the hospital, but I am surprised this actually happened on the show.  The first hint of Jackson’s feelings for April are in this scene. When she says, “Harriet’s going home, but I’m not,” Jackson is noticeably bothered.  And I don’t think that is because he is worried about taking care of a newborn alone.  His first thought is that April is upset to be separated from her daughter and he doesn’t know how to fix it.  

Then we see Jackson taking the baby home and April being a typical emotional new mom.  This scene is set up as comedy to contrast the Alex drama, but it is also pretty important for Japril.  We get to see their playful banter again, “birds and dogs?” which comes back later in 13x03 (April drops the diaper bag and runs to the ER) and 13x07 (Jackson teasing her about how “amazing” her date was).  I also like that we see Jackson still respecting April’s wishes for Harriet because he knows they are important to her.  The first thing he did was change her into that yellow frog onesie because April asked him to.  

And his instinctive concern for her comes out in this scene as well. “I’m not going anywhere when you’re this upset.”  Jackson has showed that this is true over and over again.  When April is upset, he is there for her.  He continues to show this when he calls to check on her.  They are divorced.  His daughter is home with him.  He has no reason to check on April - except that he wants to.  Because again, if April is upset, he is there.  “You’re still crying?”  But she pushes him away.  He made his decision.  He didn’t want to be with her, so she is trying to let him go and move on.  That’s what he wanted so she is giving it to him. And this foreshadows her trying to move on in 13x07 by going on a date.  She doesn’t want to go on a date, but she does it because she thinks she should be moving on.  Not that he is really about to let her.  

This scene also begins the pattern of Japril reminding each other that they are not married all season. “We’re not married.”  But they are really reminding themselves, because in their hearts, they still feel married.  

Jackson has obviously been thinking of how he could help her and what she needed when he went home.  “We’ll fly your mom out…I’ll get a baby nurse…” But like most of the season, she pushes him away.  “So I’m just supposed to let you cry then?”  He can’t handle her pushing him away when she is hurting.  He needs to help her.  And that is not a feeling that exes generally have for each other.  But they aren’t married, right?  And even with as little Japril as we have gotten this season, we have still seen this theme of Jackson needing to make sure April is okay in other episodes, particularly in 13x04 when he tells Ben that he gets up with Harriet every time April does to make sure she is okay because she is recovering from surgery.

I absolutely love whoever decided to have April sing to Harriet.  And maybe Harriet really needed her.  Maybe she couldn’t sleep.  Or maybe this was Jackson’s way of checking on April again and helping her be a part of Harriet’s first night home.  Either way, it’s a great scene.  And the lyrics of the song are perfect for Japril’s situation.  April has faith, strong faith, but she is going to continue to push him away because she has to “pick her heart up off the floor.”  The divorce really hurt her.  And it will take a “strong man” to change her mind.  The camera showed Jackson when she sang that line. I think that was intentional.   I think this scene is foreshadowing 13x04 when Jackson finally speaks up and tells April he doesn’t want her to move out.  Jackson rarely voices his feelings unless he gets to a breaking point, so for him to tell April that he wanted her to stay is significant.  He has to say something at this point or she will leave.  He has to be “strong” because she doesn’t think he wants her anymore.  In her eyes, this is all about Harriet, but in this moment, we see it isn’t.  

Yay for Richard Webber, right?  He always has the best words of wisdom.  So, when he tells Jackson, “Be persistent.  Kepner’s family,” Jackson really listens.  And he is persistent about taking care of her.   April says herself in 13x16, “And you haven’t stopped taking care of either of us ever since.”  I don’t think Jackson needed a reminder that April is his family, but it was a nice reminder to the audience that he sees her that way.  And we get to see them being a family in a couple moments later in the season, particularly at the end of 13x06, when they leave work and triple check Harriet’s car seat.  They are absolutely a family in that moment.

I think the scene that sets up their story for the rest of season 13 the most is the last scene of 13x02. Jackson did not have to ask April to stay with him.  The writers made it seem like there was no other option, but that is only because they wrote it that way.  They easily could have had her mom show up or a nurse come in to help, but they didn’t because if they are being true to Jackson’s character, he wouldn’t have been okay with those other situations.  As he has shown countless times before, if she needs him, he will be there.  He wants to take care of both of them.  He wants April in his life and in his home. Yes, they have things they need to work through in season 13, “I know that we need boundaries,” but they doesn’t change how they feel.  This is another rare moment when Jackson says what he is truly feeling.  “I think you and Harriet should come live with me.” So, I’m wondering if this last scene foreshadows the end of the season.  Hopefully Jackson says what he is feeling to April before the end of the season.   And hopefully him asking her to live with him at the end of 13x02 parallels them still living together at the end of the season.  If past seasons are any indication, I think this could be right. Or maybe I am way overanalyzing the show…guess we will find out soon enough?  Either way, thanks for reading another one of my ramblings.  

[trulisthetic]

Japril Playlist

[If you have any songs you want to add MESSAGE ME and I’ll add them to this post. We’ll get lost with all the reblogs otherwise 😋]

         SONG                                                                        SOURCE

All or Nothing - Au Revoir Simone                                 8x21

Lakehouse - Of Monsters And Men                              8x21

Bells - The Naked And Famous                                      8x22

Museum of Flight - Damien Jurado                               9x06

Without You - Ingrid Michaelson                                   9x24

All Of Me - John Legend                                                 9x24

Total Eclipse of the Heart - Jill Andrews                      10x12

Total Eclipse of the Heart - Sleeping at Last               10x13

Bones - Josh Record                                                     10x13

Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic - Sleeping at Last 10x20

Find a Place - Iko                                                            11x16  

Love Story - Barcelona                                                  12x08

Touch - Sleeping at Last                                                12x11

If You Went Away - Daniel Wilson                                 12x15

Forever Mine - Andra Day                                             12x17

Close to You - Rihanna                                                  12x19 

Nothing Compares 2 U - Prince ft Rosie Gaines         12x22

River of Tears - Alessia Cara                                         12x24

Love on the Brain - Rihanna                                          12x24

Faith - Sleeping at Last ft Sarah Drew                          13x02

Japril Theme Song                                                          13x04 || 13x07

1968 - James David                                                         13x07

Remember Home - Sebastian Kole ft Alessia Cara     13x07

It Ain’t Easy - Muddy Magnolias                                     13x07

Got Your Number - Serena Ryder                                  13x15

Doubt - Mary J. Blige                                                       13x16

You Don’t Know - Jill Scott                                             13x16

Look After You - The Fray                                               (x) (s6-8A)

Shut Up and Dance - Walk The Moon                            (x) (s9A)

Sparks Fly - Taylor Swift                                                  (x) (s8B-9A)

One More Night - Maroon Five                                      (x) (s9A)

Photograph - Ed Sheeran                                               (x) (s11B-13)

Fight Song - Rachel Platten              ��                             (x) (s12A)

Be Still - The Fray                                                             (x) (s13B)

In My Veins - Andrew Bell                                                (x) (s12B)

I Still Love You - Josh Jenkins                        @japrilgreys (s12B/s13)

Say Something-A Great Big World                  @japrilgreys (s12A)

Bring It Back to Me - Martin Luke Brown       @japrilgreys (s11B)

Little Pieces of You - Ben Hartley                   @japrilgreys (s8-s13)

Somewhere Only We Know - Lily Allen           @japrilgreys (s10B/11A)

The Story Never Ends - Lauv                           @japrilgreys (s12A)

Speak Now - Taylor Swift                                  @japrilgreys (s10)

The Way I Loved You - Taylor Swift                 @japrilgreys (s9B/s10A)

I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) - Sleeping At Last  @japrilgreys (s9/s10)

As Long As You Love Me - Sleeping at Last  @japrilgreys (s10B)

Ours - Taylor Swift                                             @japrilgreys (s10B)

Thinking Out Loud - Ed Sheeran                     @japrilgreys (s10B)

Drunk - Ed Sheeran                                          @japrilgreys (s9B/s10A)

Dust and Gold - Arrows to Athens                  @japrilgreys(s12)

Reason for Love - David Hodges                   @japrilgreys(s11B)

Little do you know-Alex &Sierra                      @japrilgreys (s12B/s13)

Love Gone Mad - Stars Go Dim                       @japrilgreys(s12/s13)

May I - Trading Yesterday                                 @japrilgreys(s11)

One Day - Trading Yesterday                           @japrilgreys(s11B)

Nothing But Love - Trading Yesterday           @japrilgreys(s10B)

Wonderwall - Oasis                                           @japrilgreys (s10B)

New York - Snowpatrol                                     @japrilgreys(s11B)

Whispers - Dave Baxter            @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s13)

The Cave - Mumford and Sons @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn (s7/s11B)

Talk me Down - Troye Sivan      @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s10A)

Girl Crush - Little Big Town       @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s9B/s10A)

Last Kiss - Taylor Swift               @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s12B)

Drops of Jupiter - Train             @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(11B/12A)

One - Ed Sheeran                       @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s9A/10B)

Impossible - Shontelle               @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s12B) 

You are in love - Taylor Swift    @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s10B)

Hanging by a Moment-Lifehouse@astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(8B/9A)

Thinking of You-Katy Perry        @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s9B/10A)

Wherever I go - OneRepublic   @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn (s8-13)

Fix You -Coldplay                        @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s11A/11B)

Halo -Beyonce                             @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s10B/11A)

Thunder - Boys Like Girls          @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s10B)

Kiss Me - Ed Sheeran                 @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s8B/s9A)

Feel Again - OneRepublic          @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s8B)

Collide - Howie Day                     @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s10B)

Last to Know - The Wanted        @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s12B)

Side to Side - Ariana Grande     @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn

Shape of You - Ed Sheeran        @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn

That's What I Like - Bruno Mars @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s10/11)

Dive - Ed Sheehan                       @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s13)

Starving - Hailey Steinfeld          @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s8B/9A)

Perfect - Ed Sheehan                  @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s8-s13)

Replace your heart - The Wanted                                            @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s9A/10A/12/13A)

When I was Your Man - Bruno Mars                                                      @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s9B/s10A)

Everything Has Changed - Taylor Swift ft Ed Sheeran                                                                              @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s8B/s9A)

Send My Love to Your New Lover - Adele                                                                                                 @astoldbyacertifiedunicorn(s9B/s10A)

“Japril Playlist”                                                           @doctorkepner

Need You Now - Lady Antebellum                            @littlegreys

Everything - Lifehouse                                              @littlegreys

For Blue Skies - Strays Don’t Sleep                         @littlegreys

Beside You - Marianas Trench                                 @littlegreys

Armor - Landon Austin                                               @littlegreys

Nothing - The Script                                                   @littlegreys

Honeymoon Avenue - Ariana Grande                      @littlegreys

Glitter in the Air - P!nk                                               @littlegreys

Fall in Love - Barcelona                                            @littlegreys

Same Old Same Old - The Civil Wars             @only-freakin-sunflowers

What Happened to Perfect - Lukas Graham @only-freakin-sunflowers

You Can't Stop Me - Laura Benanti               @only-freakin-sunflowers

[i-may-have-a-point]

Review of 13x16 “Who is He? And What is He to You?”

So, this is the first time I have written down my analysis of an episode.  There was just so much to think about in this episode because of how well it was written, directed, and performed that I needed to write it down, even if I am the only one who ever reads it.  

Thoughts on the opening scenes:First, I love that Jackson had the narration and that he talked about being unable to say what you really want to.  This has been a recurring issue not only with Japril but across the show.  So many times I yell at my screen, “Just talk to each other!” So at least the lack of communication was somewhat acknowledged.  

It seems that Catherine knows Robert Avery is in Montana which surprised me a bit.  I would like to know how long she has known, but I doubt we will ever get an answer to that.  Either way, she knew and sent April because as controlling and manipulative as she is, she is also wise.  I saw a lot of people wondering why April came in a cab and if Japril are still living together.  To me, this was just another way to show how divided they are going into this episode.  

I also was surprised to see the ongoing theme of April replacing Meredith was still present in this episode.  I like that April is getting more recognition and credit because she deserves it, but I expected them to drop this story once Grey came back from suspension.  I will be interested to see if it continues.  

Jackson’s snarkiness with April caused a lot of eye rolls as well, and as much as I would prefer he not be this way with her, this allowed us to see that April chose to put up with it.  She easily could have said, “You’re being a jerk.  I’m out.”  several episodes ago, but she knows him well enough to get that something more is going on.  She lets him be angry because he needs to be and she deals because that is what we do for the people we love.  We love them even at their worst.  

The real story: In my opinion, one of the most impressive things about the writing of this episode was how well Elisabeth Finch paralleled Japril’s story with the surgery and Jackson meeting his dad.  This story has two children in it, one boy and one girl.  Let’s start with the boy.  When we meet Dr. Cordon he seems cowardly for forcing Jackson and April to tell that father his son has no chance and they want his organs.  I think this scene is supposed to parallel losing Samuel for Japril.  They were, in a way, forced to lose Samuel.  They could not save him, and although they didn’t want to, terminating the pregnancy was the best thing to do.  So, although they don’t want to tell this father they cannot save his son, they must.  And then they must convince him donating his organs is the best thing he can do.  Jackson bringing up Samuel in this scene was the first time we have really heard them mention him besides JTM.  This loss is still very real and present for both of them.

Then we meet the girl.  To me, this girl, Caroline, represents Harriet in a way.  Caroline needs her parents help.  She cannot speak so they must be her voice and try to make things better for her.  Of course, Harriet is too young to speak and completely depends on Jackson and April.  She needs them to make things better for her as well, but in both situations, they don’t quite know how.  Again, this is why Jackson mentions to her mothers that he is a dad.  He understands needing to advocate for his daughter and wanting the best for her.  He doesn’t always know what that is, but he will always try to figure it out.

 The “I don’t make promises that I don’t keep” line is of course a reference to April telling Jackson, “You are not a person who makes promises he doesn’t keep” in JTM.  And for the most part this is true. Jackson keeps his word to everyone, except April.  Regardless of whose fault the divorce was or whether it was right or not, it happened because Jackson pushed for it.  And even though the show has done a poor job of showing him acknowledge that he realizes this, I believe he does.  From big things like April and Harriet almost dying in 12x24 to little things like his loss of appetite when April went on her date, he still feels that pull to April and he must at least consider that he made the wrong choice.  

Caroline’s first plan of treatment is a throat transplant.  This will get rid of her biggest problem, the tumor, and still allow her to speak.  But it falls through.  In the scene where April talks to the mothers alone, she says, “The best way to help your daughter is to do the laryngectomy…At this point, I really think it is her best chance.” So here is the thing about fixing major issues in our life.  No one can do it for us.  Caroline losing her donor throat represents the idea that no one can fix the issues Jackson and April are dealing with besides Jackson and April.  Caroline will survive with the laryngectomy, but she will be no better off really.  The tumor would be gone but she would lose her voice.  Trading one awful thing for another.  Just as Japril would survive if they didn’t deal with their issues.  If they just left things as they are, they would both survive, but it would leave them with a permanent whole in their life just like the one Caroline would literally have.  

(Unimportant Info - beautiful scenery, loved April’s breast pump scene, loved the Chinese food with extra fortune cookies)

Jackson finally sees his father.  This demon has been haunting him for years.  We have seen hints of it, but I am so glad Jackson finally confronted him because he was projecting all of his abandonment issues on to April.  The scene where April finds Jackson at the diner is so good.  Jackson is so hurt and Jesse played that perfectly.  April, of course, takes his anger because she knows him so well, and above everything she is just worried about him.  It is heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time.  And then that line, “I didn’t bail on anyone!”  That is really what this is all about for Jackson.  As much as he wants to know his dad, he is also scared as hell that he might be like him.  And here is the one person he thinks he might have bailed on telling him he is bailing on a patient.  Like I said, heartbreaking and beautiful.  

I like that we got the small moment between Robert and April.  Of course it was put there so April could realize that he is Jackson’s father, but regardless, I like that they met.  They are both incredibly influential to Jackson for very different reasons and they should know each other.

In the scene where Jackson wakes April up early, the first thing he says when she opens the door is, “We still need to find a way to help Caroline.”  The first thing he thought of that morning is that he and April have things they need to fix.  He says they need to figure out how to fix Caroline, but again I think this line is about them still needing to find a way to fix their relationship.  And I also love that even though he knows he was pretty awful the night before, he doesn’t even hesitate to knock on her door.  He knows she will answer and help him.  Because she is April.  He knows her as well as she knows him.  And I actually love that he walked into her room as he told her to get dressed.  It shows that their comfort level with each other is still there.  Maybe she changed in the bathroom or maybe she didn’t.  I’m sure she probably breastfeeds in front of him, especially right after getting out of the hospital.  She would have needed his help for absolutely everything, so maybe undressing is not a big deal to them.  Either way, the fans certainly caught this moment.

Let’s move to the first scene in the lab where Jackson and April are bickering.  It starts with Jackson saying “I hate this.  I don’t see how we can do anything but the laryngectomy, but I hate the laryngectomy.”  Of course he does.  With the laryngectomy, Caroline loses her voice and the parallel here with Japril is that the laryngectomy means they don’t figure out a way to really heal or fix things.  They settle.  They take the easy way, probably stay co-parents, maybe friends, but really they hate this option - they hate the laryngectomy.  But there don’t seem to be any other options.   The scene in the lab, to me, was them going over the obstacles in their relationship.  They start by acknowledging that they do not want to do the laryngectomy, but also, they are running out of time.  Jackson saying he was drunk is a substitute for him saying he needs to deal with his dad, which is a huge obstacle for them.  April says that Jackson doesn’t want her there, which I don’t think is true, but her saying this acknowledges the divide that has strengthened between them recently.  Then Jackson brings up April’s friendship with Catherine, and we all know Catherine has created many problems for them.  She may be helping now, but that has not always been the case.  April argues that her relationship with Catherine started before Japril became romantic, but even when they were friends Jackson wasn’t comfortable with April and his mom’s relationship.  "Stop facebooking my mom!“  Then their differences in financial status and upbringing are brought up. "Your mom says the difference between you and I…” As much as these two are meant to be together, they come from very different worlds and see things differently.  This line reflects those issues..  But the conversation is cut short because of the 911 page.  Time is almost up.  If they are going to fix this, they must do it fast.

So Jackson gets the 911 page.  Caroline’s parents want more.  They want their daughter whole and healed and not just the easy fix.  April tries to tell them, “We’ve gone through every possible alternative.  There comes a point when you have to hear…We’ve been down every road.  Every one.  There are no other options.  We do the laryngectomy, Caroline lives.  It’s that simple.”  I can only imagine how many times Jackson and April must have went over every alternative for their relationship in their own heads.  But since they refused to talk to each other, none of the options seemed like they could work.  The easier choice was to choose to settle for less than what they really wanted.  Luckily Caroline refuses to do that.  She wants her voice, and Jackson promises that he and April will find a way to get it back for her.  

Outside of the hospital April finally tells Jackson he made a promise he can’t keep.  Jackson can’t possibly come up with an idea to save her voice and they should do the laryngectomy.  He is confident they can until April tells him she knows about his father.  “He’s the whole reason we’re here!”  And she’s right.  Not just in Montana, but in this frustrating, difficult place in their relationship.  Jackson’s father and his trust issues and inability to let go of his abandonment are what led them to this moment  - completely in love but so alone.  He is the whole reason we are here. 

The transition from Facetiming with Harriet to sitting in silence could not have been directed any better by Kevin.  The shift in tone was almost tangible.  I felt physically uncomfortable watching them sit in silence.  And then finally Jackson told April everything that he had been holding on to for years.  And she responded perfectly.  She listened, which was all he needed.  And then she pushed him to go confront his father.  No one else could have done this for Jackson.  No one.  

Jesse’s acting in the scene where he confronts Robert was some of his best.  His little decisions like not lifting his arms to hug him and the absolute shattered look in his eyes when Robert says he couldn’t be torn away from his diner in Montana were fantastic.  There was no remorse or apology.  Jackson had waited years for this moment, and this man was still able to let him down even more than he already had.  But he also gave Jackson some things to think about.  “Are you happy?”  “I was born into this life, but she was born for it.”  There is no way those lines didn’t instantly make him think of April.  

One of my favorite scenes of the whole episode begins with the coffee apology.  Kevin’s camera angle was perfect.  We hear Jackson say, “Hey” in that voice he only uses for April.  The camera focuses on the coffee in Jackson’s hand and then transitions to April smiling up at Jackson.  While we all would have loved a great speech from Jackson, somehow this was enough.  It has been awhile since we have seen such a sweet gesture from Jackson to April but this was all she needed to know he was sorry.  The way the writing weaves the discussion of Caroline’s surgery seamlessly with Jackson’s explanation of what happened with his dad is some of the best writing of the entire series, I think.  The two are completely intertwined. Jackson must let go of the past in order to move forward, as the tagline said.  He must let go of his anger with his father to move forward with April, but how do they get there?  How do they fully heal Caroline without just settling for the laryngectomy?  “Her guts for her throat,” he realizes.  “Then she’d be her own donor…You think it will work?”April asks.  “No, maybe, yeah.”  “Well which one do you wanna go with?”  They have to heal themselves.  Not even Jackson meeting his dad can heal them.  They have to fix things from within, together, just as Caroline is essentially fixing herself. Will it work?  They aren’t entirely sure, but they decide to go for it.

Dr. Cordon argues that this has never been done before.  And it hasn’t.  When Shonda wants to end a couple, she ends them.  Japril are divorced.  The papers are signed.  So to put them back together is new and different and never been done.  And we all love it. 

Jackson steps up and accepts the Avery name.  The shadow of his father not being able to handle being an Avery is not looming over him anymore.  He is not his father.  He does keep his promises, and he certainly doesn’t bail on his family.  He realizes that now, even if it took him awhile to get there.

The surgery scene.  The music.  The looks.  The silence. “I’ll see it.”  Jackson and April are literally healing Caroline and figuratively healing themselves.  They work together to use Caroline’s body to heal itself and they work together to heal their relationship as well.  And that camera angle over April’s shoulder where Jackson is watching her.  That moment is when he realizes that he could not have done this without her.  Talking to his dad, saving Caroline - it all happened because she was there.  She is and always has been exactly who he needs.  At the end of the surgery, April asks, “This is gonna work right?” And Jackson confidently replies, “We did it.”

The hotel scene.  The parallels to the hotel scenes in San Francisco were perfect here.  As a fan, I appreciate that they put in details they knew we would catch.  I also appreciate that neither Jackson or April show any hesitation.  They have both grown so much that they are completely sure at this point of what they want.  And those looks. The chemistry with these two is unbelievable.  I can’t say enough about how great this scene is.

The next morning was almost more satisfying to see as a fan than the hallway scene (almost…).  Again we saw that they had no regrets with their choice to be together.  The lighting, the bed sheets, their emotions - everything is light and bright.  Everything is hopeful and positive.  And this is April’s apology scene the way the coffee cup was Jackson’s.  April telling Jackson he is a good father and that he never bailed on her and Harriet, is everything Jackson needed to hear to 100% let go of his fear of becoming his father.  These few, important lines allowed Jackson to go back to Robert and tell him that he doesn’t need him.  He met him, and now he can move on.  The shot of Jackson’s back walking confidently out the door of the diner into the sunlight was another really nice addition from Kevin.  Jackson is literally leaving the past behind him and moving toward his future.  

In case they had any doubts about their decision, Caroline is completely healed.  They go to check on her and she has her voice.  And we get another adorable scene of them communicating with only their eyes.  

The episode ends with Jackson narrating, again, about how important it is to speak up.  “We lose our words because the stakes are so high”  The camera shows Jackson and April looking at each other.  “And we have so much to lose” And we see the Avery family, Catherine, Jackson, April, and Harriet, reunited.  April asks for a ride home, to her home with Jackson, to signify that there is no more division between them as there was at the beginning of the episode.  

And this is why when Jesse and Sarah have been giving their scripted answer that Japril could go in several different directions, I don’t believe them.  If they were going to just stay friends after this episode, Caroline would have had the laryngectomy and lost her voice.  If they were going to split up completely, Caroline probably would have died.  But she was healed completely, and so were they.  And it wasn’t just their friendship that was healed.  That was not a good-bye night together.  So, when they tease that it could go any way, I think that is just to keep us on our toes until the end of the season where something else is waiting for us.  Could I be wrong?  Of course!  Shonda has definitely surprised me in the past.  But if they stay true to the writing and meaning behind this episode then I believe I’m right.