#2 years overdue on Mikey I know | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ayamari-no-goshi · 4 years

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Verboten 6 | (T)

ff.net | AO3

Fandom: Danny Phantom (DP)

Summary: AU. When Danny was five years old, he went missing for 2 weeks. In the years that follow, his family tried to make sense of what happened, only for the truth to be discovered years later.

Warnings: rated T for violence, mentions of death, language. Be prepared for some very weird things

Parings: Danny/Sam

Notes: originally uploaded to Ff.net. Cross-posted to AO3 and tumblr. This fic is very heavily inspired by folklore surrounding mysterious wilderness disappearances

Chapter 6

"You're clearly frightened, so allow me to explain," the creature told them with a flourished bow. "I am called Plasmius, and this is the realm of the dead."

"And does that make you a ghost or something?" Sam spat, sounding both angry and skeptical.

"Something like that," Plasmius agreed before seemingly fading out of sight. Before they had a chance to response, he reappeared behind them. His red eyes appraised them, but specifically seemed to focus on Danny. "I've been watching you for a long time."

Danny slowly backed away from the so-called ghost as he sarcastically stated, "I'm not sure if I should be flattered or scared."

"Now Daniel, that's no way to speak to an old friend."

"Psst, do you know this guy?" Tucker whispered as he also tried to escape from its gaze.

"Last time I checked, I didn't know anyone this creepy or glowing."

"I understand your doubts." Plasmius grinned, revealing glistening fangs. "Sadly, it's rare for humans to remember their time in this realm, but when you wandered in this realm before, I played with and entertained you until you found your way home. We then played again when you were a bit older, but again, you found your way home."

"Err… thanks? I think." Danny still wasn't sure what to make of this creature. Something told him Plasmius wasn't exactly lying, but he was certainly omitting important details. Still, if it was going to be somewhat cordial towards him and his friends, it wouldn't hurt to try to be nice. "You wouldn't happen to know how we can get home, would you?"

"Of course I do."

"Great! Could you please take us there or at least tell us how?"

"You want to leave already? But you've only just arrived, and I've put an extraordinary amount of effort into arranging our reunion." Plasmius' grin turned predatory. "Come with me. I would gladly entertain you and your friends."

"Thanks for the offer, but we really should be getting back," Danny told the specter as he grabbed both of his friends and tried to get them to back away. "Our teacher and classmates are probably looking for us."

"And not to mention the Park Rangers are already on high alert," Tucker added.

"Do you really think I am concerned about them?" Plasmius just laughed as he vanished again. His disembodied voice seemed to come from everywhere in the clearing.

Danny had just enough time to turn to his right side and catch sight of Plasmius reappearing before something hit him in the back of the neck. As his vision darkened, he heard his friends screaming his name as well as Plasmius saying, "Like I previous stated, I spent a lot of time orchestrating our meeting. You are not leaving that easily."

….

When Danny came to, he was in an unfamiliar location. He was seated at a grand table, much like he had seen in movies depicting royal banquets. The room where he was had high ceilings and seemed to match the feel of the table. The walls seemed to be white stone, but something seemed off about them. He wasn't certain if it was something about the color itself, or if it was how empty the room seemed because aside from the table, there were no noticeable decorations.

He then noticed there were silver plates and bowls covered in pristine and delicious looking food in front of him. As interesting and enticing the food looked, he wasn't really able to determine exactly what they were. It made him uneasy, but the smell was starting to overcome him. It wouldn't hurt to take a bite, would it? A quick shake of the head quickly dispelled that thought. Without knowing exactly where he was or where his friends were, he shouldn't touch anything he didn't recognize.

After glancing around and making sure he was alone, he tried to stand only to find that he seemed stuck to his chair. He could move his hands and arms without trouble, but everywhere from his waist down was stuck. There was no sign of any visible tie or restraint, so he couldn't understand exactly why he couldn't remove himself. He made several attempts to try to stand, and although he was able to push the chair away from the table, his attempts only succeeded in tipping himself over.

"Why Daniel, you didn't touch your meal." Danny looked up to see Plasmius looking down at him while wearing a frown. The creature then disappeared and reappeared on the other side of the table and took a seat as Danny's chair seemed to right itself without any form of assistance and return to its place at the table.

"I think I'll pass," he replied as he glared at Plasmius. "Where are my friends? Why can't I get out of this chair?"

"Your friends are resting in a room upstairs. As for the chair," he chuckled darkly, "it is nothing but a simple trick. You might learn how to do it one day."

"What do you mean by that?"

"It's nothing with which you should concern yourself." Plasmius appraised him for a few moments. "You mentioned you have no memory of our previous encounters?"

"That's right. I only remember what happened after I was found."

"It's tragic really. There are weak spots between the worlds of the living and the dead, and humans occasionally find them. Usually, it is not an issue. The human may feel uneasy or sometimes get a glimpse of what lies behind the veil, so to speak." After chuckling as if he had made some sort of inside joke, Plasmius continued. "Sometimes that weak spot momentarily breaks and travel between the two words can occur. However, humans often need to catch sight of or hear something in this realm to travel to this side."

Danny's eyes widened. "You mean like that bird thing?"

"Exactly. Like I mentioned, Youngblood's pet is incredibly usefully for that purpose."

"So you purposely used that to bring me and my friends here?"

"Of course. Although, my intention was only to retrieve you. Their presence was entirely unintentional, but seeing how close you seem to be, in hindsight, it seems it would have been inevitable. You should be glad I am the one who found them as I can guarantee their safety. Others who live in this realm may not be as kind."

A cold chill ran down Danny's back at Plasmius' words as the image of Mikey being carried by that other creature resurfaced. "One of my other classmates… that thing took him, and Lester! Something killed him!"

"Yes," Plasmius' tone now sounded almost bored. "Youngblood is simply looking for a permanent companion. I doubt he'll purposely harm your classmate too severely, but humans don't always acclimate to this realm very well. I believe that is what happened to the one who passed on to this side."

"What do you mean? What happened to him?" Once again, Danny tried to stand, but to no avail.

"Ah ah, that is a discussion we should save for later. You should eat, son."

"I'm not hungry." Danny breathed deeply as he tried to keep his temper under control. It didn't seem to be a good idea to make Plasmius angry, and he still wasn't certain if his friends were okay. "Look, I know you're trying to be nice, and I appreciate it, but I'm worried about my friends. People are probably looking for us."

Plasmius regarded him for a moment. "If I show you that your friends are safe, will you then sit and have a proper conversation with me?"

"Maybe? Yes. I don't know."

"Very well." The ghost stood and made a dismissive gesture with his hand. "Come along now, Daniel. I will take you to your friends."

After giving him a searching look, Danny hesitantly tried to stand. This time, he was able to move without restraint. Once he was out of the chair, the urge to bolt nearly over took him. Although he really wanted to be as far away from Plasmius as he could, running from his could potentially doom his friends. That was the last thing he wanted. So, after a deep breath, he slowly followed Plasmius towards the staircase at the far end of the room.

What seemed to be several minutes passed as Danny followed Plasmius. The building they were in seemed to be either a mansion or possibly a castle, if he was to judge from how large it was. The coloration was similar to what he saw in the dining hall, but there were other decorations of green and gold in places. Strangely, those decorations seemed almost out of place, but Danny was unable to exactly pinpoint why.

Although Plasmius previously demonstrated an ability to at least float, he was now walking a little ahead of the teen. It just felt off to Danny. It was as if Plasmius was purposely trying to seem more human. While it was possible his host was just trying to be polite, it was doing little more than making him more unsettled.

Eventually, Plasmius stopped in front of a room. After taking a moment to unlock the door, he pushed it open. Danny was briefly greeted with the sight of his friends standing up from a large bed when the door was slammed shut.

"Sam! Tucker! I'm right here!" He could hear his friends yelling his name as he slammed his fists on the door and tried to push it back open. "What gives?" he demanded as he turned to face the specter.

"I promised I would show you that your friends are perfectly safe, and I did." Plasmius' grin widened as he grabbed Danny's arm. The teen tried to break free, but the ghost's grip was almost like a vice. "Now boy, it is time for our long overdue conversation."

xxxxxx

Although Sam liked to think of herself as a strong and independent young woman who could handle herself in most situations, she had to admit that she was at a loss on what to do. When she came to, she and Tucker where in what appeared to be a guest bedroom. Other than the normal furniture, the quality of which suggested the own had some money, there was little in the way of decoration, so it was unlikely the room was often used. There was one window which was locked, but Sam was unable to find any sort of mechanism that would allow her to open it. The only visible door was also locked.

"Pacing angrily around the room isn't going to do anything," Tucker told her as he fiddled with his PDA as he sat on the bed. She just glared at him. "Seriously, you're making me dizzy."

"I'm just frustrated," she sat across from him on the bed. "We don't know where we are, and we have no idea where Danny is, or what that thing could have done to him. And to make matters worse, I can't figure out how to get out of this."

"I know, and I'm upset too, but until we have more information, we can't do anything." After pressing a few buttons on his machine, he smiled at the notification he received. "While I can't tell you where we are, I was able to get a hit from Danny's phone. He's at least in this building."

"I don't think that makes me feel any better. We don't know what that think wants with Danny or what it will do with us."

"I'm trying not to think about it." Tucker looked up from his devise. His frown and furrowed brows told her he was worried. "Hey, do you happen to have any food with you?"

"Told you should have packed some before we left." Sam momentarily left the bed to retrieve her discarded backpack. "I know you probably won't like it, but I did bring some granolas with me."

"I'll take it," Tucker told her, much to her surprise, as he held out his hand. "I'm that hungry, and I think my brain needs the extra energy. There's no service here either, but my PDA keeps trying to connect with something. I've been trying to get into whatever it is, but I'm not sure if there's interference or if its purposely cycling between strong and weak signals. If I can get into it, maybe I can send a distress signal."

She handed him the snack. "It's worth a shot. Hey, what was that?"

The sound of something at the door caught Sam's attention. After an audible click, the door opened to show Plasmius and someone else. It took a second for her to register the second person, but it was Danny. Getting to her feet, she was about to run to him only to have the door slam shut before she had a chance to move.

That didn't stop her. She screamed Danny's name as she bolted to the door and started to try to open it. She barely registered that Tucker was right beside her, or that she could faintly hear Danny's voice on the opposite side. Her next memories were a bit hazy, but Tucker eventually had her sit as she tried to calm herself.

Her memories kept showing her that momentary glimpse of Danny. Something happened to him. Something strange, but she was having trouble registering what was wrong. "Tucker, his hair was white. Not black, white."

"I know. I saw him too." He sat next to her and rubbed her shoulder.

"You seem a bit distressed, hmm." The two teens looked up to see Plasmius floating above them. "Do not fret. Young Daniel is safe with me, but I still have yet to determine what I should do with you two."

"What did you do to Danny?" Sam snapped at him as she stood. She would not look weak in front of this thing.

"Who me? I didn't do anything to him. His body is just adjusting to this world."

"What… what are you talking about?" Tucker stammered as he also stood.

Plasmius smiled. "If you partake of the land of the dead, you must remain in it, or so the old adage goes. When he was a child, Daniel did so, and as he has returned, this world has laid claim to him. I'm actually very impressed as the process often goes awry. I can't tell you how many times I've seen it happen."

"Are you telling me that Danny's becoming like you?" The thought horrified Sam. What else on her friend would change? Did… did Plasmius mean Danny would actually die?

"I certainly hope so, but I'm not exactly sure what form he'll take. This world can do strange things to the humans it turns, but enough about that. I came here to debate what to do with you two." Plasmius regarded the pair for a few moments before he began to pace about a foot off the floor. "I could simply kill the two of you, but Daniel would not appreciate the loss of his two friends. I could let you go, but that could cause me unnecessary trouble. While it is unlikely you will remember your time here, it is possible, and letting you go too soon could bring unwanted attention. Oh, I know," the grin he gave them sent chills down Sam's spine, "I could try to induce the process in the two of you."

"Don't you come near us!" Sam warned as she crouched in a defensive stance. She was still stuck against the door, but there was no way she was going to let that thing touch her again.

"Hey, don't antagonize him!" Tucker whispered. "I'm just as scared of him, but maybe we can use this. He doesn't seem to want to kill us now, and if he can get us out of this room…"

Maybe they would get led to Danny, and maybe the three of them could escape. It was the best plan they had since there didn't seem to be a way out of the room, but if it failed… Actually, Sam wasn't exactly sure what would happen if they failed.

Tucker seemed to have thoughts along the same line, so he asked, "What exactly are you going to do?"

"Ah, so you are interested. The easiest method is to eat some of the food of this world, but the results are not always guaranteed. After all the experiments I've run, it seems like young children have the highest success rate."

"And what happens if it fails?" Sam questioned, uncertain if she would like the answer. "And what experiments? You've been kidnapping humans?"

Plasmius' smile disappeared as his eyes narrowed. "I want young Daniel to remain with me, but humans cannot remain in the realm of the dead indefinitely, so I wanted to make sure his transformation would be successful. I don't expect you to understand my rationale or methods." He moved closer and looked them over carefully. If Sam had to guess, it seemed as if he was trying to determine something regarding the process he mentioned. "The question becomes how to do this successfully. I certainly don't want Daniel upset if this fails and you end up dead and possibly horribly mutilated."

"What?"

"It sadly happens sometimes." Vlad dismissing tone and wave of the hand made it sound as if that was of no concern of his. "When the process fails, it simply kills, but sometimes the process begins and fails, and that is when the more interesting deaths occur. Some of the results are quite gruesome. That is what happened to the man who went missing prior to your arrival."

"How… how did you know about that?" Tucker whispered. His eyes were wide, and he was shaking.

"How else? I'm the one who took him."

===============================

Note: regarding Plasmius' explanations, I am heavily drawing from mythology and legends here. Many stories from around the world state that if you partake of the food of another realm (whether it be the dead, the gods, faeries, etc.), you will be permanently stuck there. In some tales, you remain as a human, and in others, you are transformed. There are other tales that state you can leave, but you will die when you return.

Regarding the more gruesome details, this again comes from some of the reported tales regarding mysterious deaths. In the cases mentioned in the Missing 411 series, if the missing person was found dead, the cause of death is often undetermined, and there aren't usually severe injuries – maybe some scrapes or bruises. However, there are some strange stories reported by Park Rangers and Search and Rescue regarding people they've found who are rather… well… we'll go with messed up and leave it at that. In those cases that can't be explained by an animal, an accident, self-inflicted, or other person, the Rangers and/or Search and Rescue are often at a loss to explain what happened.

So, this is how brain has taken it for this story regarding deaths. Missing and never found – successfully becomes a ghost. Missing and found, intact – process failed or killed by ghost. Missing and found, not intact – process started and failed or killed by ghost. The killed by ghost mention will get explained later, although it was briefly alluded to in this chapter. There are certain things I'm hoping to explain within the story in a later chapter, but if that changes, there will still be a note which will explain it.

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calpalirwin · 5 years

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According to Plan

A/N: Let’s see how college went for our boy Ash. Only 2 more chapters and an epilogue left guys! Hope you’re caught up!

And away, and away we go!

~~~

Chapter 14

Ashton

September 2016-May 2020

~~~

I fought with myself as my phone pinged, her name flashing across the screen, when she texted me that first week of September after I had left her apartment. Against my better judgement, I opened the message.

It’s Madison. I have news that I think you should hear, but I want to tell you face to face. So if you’re ever in Yale... Um, hope all is well. Bye.

I struggled with texting her back to see what she meant by news or deleting the message and moving on with my life like I had supposedly left her to do. In the end, I kept the message but never messaged her back.

I didn’t delete her number or the message, but I didn’t text her either after I left her apartment that August. I stayed in contact with everyone else, even staying with them when I played at their schools.

When I played Yale, I always went to her apartment building, but I could never bring myself to go up to her door. Just like I could never bring myself to text her back.

Duke itself was great. It felt good to be doing something I had always dreamed of doing. Not that it stopped the nights from dragging on for eternities at a time. Some nights I’d sit in the dark, nursing a beer or two, and flip through the photo album she gave me. Other nights, I’d dig through my drawers for the Yale sweater and cling to it for dear life. Then, there were the nights when I looked at that damn message. The message got me through my worst nights at Duke. I’d stare at it for hours and get a renewed sense of what I was trying to do with my life. Like the night she called me. I broke wide open when my phone rang, her contact flashing across the screen. In our short time together she had never once called me. I didn’t answer for two reasons 1.) the fear that it was a fluke and 2.) the fear that it would break me open more than I already was. I told myself that whatever news she wanted to tell me could wait for two years. I also told myself that I wouldn’t regret not texting her back or answering her call.

Only, she never turned up on my doorstep after two years. I guessed she had decided to chase after a Master’s degree after all. It stung, but I couldn’t hold that against her. I was the one who had ended things so she could be free in Yale. I had no one to blame but myself. So, I just kept going along with my life as best as I knew how.

I graduated from Duke, so with more free time on my hands, I worked more hours at my dad’s shop, now that I was officially hired. I was there that first Saturday after graduation, not wanting to spend the day alone in my apartment.

I spent the morning working on car after car, my mind blank except for the task in front of me. Around lunchtime, my dad finally kicked me out. “No, Ash. You don’t get to hide here,” he said. “Go live your life.”

“This is me living my life,” I told him, stubbornly.

“No, it’s not. You’ve been pretending for a long time. Ever since you left for Duke, you’ve been really good at acting like everything’s fine.”

“That’s because everything is fine. I went to Duke, like I always wanted. I played soccer for them like I always wanted. Now, I’m here, working on cars, like I’ve always wanted.”

“Still not enough, is it?”

I sighed, feeling seconds away from falling apart. “Why isn’t it?” I sighed again.

“Because you need the girl, Ash. So, stop moping and go get her.”

“I don’t even know where she is.”

“Yeah, you do. Go clear your head, and you’ll find her.”

So I drove. With the music up and the windows down, I drove. Occasionally I looked over, swearing she was in the seat next to me, like she used to be. When the growling in my stomach got to be too much to ignore, I drove to the diner.

I ignored the nostalgia that hit me as I opened the door and made my way to the booth. I did a double take as I noticed someone already sitting there. It couldn’t be, could it?

My truck keys nearly slipped out of my hand. I rubbed my eyes and pinched myself, hard, just to be sure this was real. Sure enough, there she was. Her long blonde hair framed her green eyes that were staring out the window, a fry making its way to her mouth. I wasn’t sure if I should laugh or cry. Nearly four years had past seen I’d last seen her and she still looked the same. Time had been kind to her.

I looked down at myself. My fingers were stained with grease. My jumpsuit looked in desperate need of a wash, as did the rest of me. I ran a hand along my jaw and under my chin. Yep, I could do with a shave, too.

I looked over at her again and all those old feelings came rushing back. It was like seeing her for the first time all over again. My memories of her and us flashed in front of me. And this time, I welcomed the flashbacks. I wanted to remember what it was like to be seventeen. Back before life got in the way. I close my eyes and let the memories flood my mind.

I shook my head to clear away that last goodbye and walked over to her. I waved my hand in front of her to get her attention as I slid into the seat across from her.

Her eyes lit up as she scanned my face, and realized that it was really me. “Hey,” she smiled. “You kept your hair short, it looks good that way.” She got up and gave me a quick hug. “You look good, Ash.”

I went up to run my hand through my hair, that I had kept short ever since Prom, then remembered how gross my hands were. “Yeah, decided I was long overdue for a new look.” Then, my mind processed what had just happened. “Wait… did you just? You can hear me?!”

She laughed as she sat down, motioning for me to sit across from her. “I got the implant after my first year at Yale. Figured it was time.”

“You sound great,” I told her, taking a seat. Her voice was less slow, and even more confident than it had been those times she had graced me with her voice. Damn, this was gonna be way harder if she broke my heart now.

“You do too,” she smiled.

We stared at each other for a moment, both of us processing the changes. She finally broke the silence. “I texted you. Called you even. You never came to see me.”

“You never came to Duke,” I countered, half-teasing, half curious to see how she’d respond.

“Yeah, I got a little busy. How was Duke? Did you graduate already?”

“Yeah, last week. So, now I’m working in my dad’s shop full-time.”

“Good,” she said. “That’s good. That’s what I wanted. Are you hungry? Should we order? I’m starving.”

“Yeah, food sounds good.”

We ordered and we swapped stories about Duke and Yale. I told her about how great it had been at Duke, while she told me how her time at Yale had been amazing; both of us refusing to admit to the less than wonderful moments of the last few years.

“Nice tattoo,” I commented, when she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

“Thanks. Yours is nice, too.”

“I have more,” I said, glancing down at the heart decorating my wrist. “So, what was the news anyway?” I asked, finally getting to the hard stuff. “When you texted and called me. Did you find somebody new?” I swallowed hard, the long wondered about question finally hanging in the air between us.

She played with a straw wrapper. “You could say that…” she said coyly.

“Oh,” I said, swallowing again. “That’s great. I’m glad.” I smiled a half-smile. She had done exactly what I told her to do. There was no one to blame but myself.

“He’s hanging out with Mike right now. Did you want to come meet him?”

“I don’t think…” I protested.

“Oh, c’mon. You’re gonna love him, I promise,” she told me. She smiled again and I knew that I’d let this girl take my heart and stomp all over it if it meant I’d see that smile and hear her voice.

“Lead the way,” I gestured. “Oh, you drive now?” I asked as she walked to her brother’s truck. I had been too stuck in my own head to take notice of the cars when I had pulled in earlier.

She nodded. “I can hear now.”

“So, did Mike get a new truck?”

“No, I have my own car. It’s just in the shop,” she lied.

I shook my head, letting her have the lie. I got in my truck and followed her the few blocks to a house I’d never been to before. “Nice place,” I commented as we walked up to the porch.

“Thanks. It’s no apartment at Duke, but it’s exactly what I need. Rent’s a little steep though, but Mike’s staying with me while him and Crystal figure things out.” she said, opening the door.

“No help from that guy of yours?” I asked, trying not to be smug.

“He’s a little on the young side,” she let out a small laugh as she opened the front door.

A small body came hurtling out of the kitchen, slamming his tiny body into Madison’s legs. “Momma!” the boy screeched.

She picked up the boy and put him on her hip. “Judder-bug!” she greeted, kissing the curly blonde locks.

He put his hands on her cheeks, pulling her face to his. When he did, I caught a glimpse of a pair of gold-flecked hazel eyes I’d only seen in the mirror. I quickly put two and two together and did some math in my head. The boy looked to be about three, and I had left Madison not quite four years ago. Although hazel wasn’t a far cry from green, I knew that the kid had my eyes, not hers. I remembered how she responded when I asked if she had met someone. This had been the news she wanted to tell me, I decided. “Who’s your friend, Momma?” he was whispering.

“A very special friend,” she told him. “Can you say hi?”

He looked at me, then buried his face in his mom’s shoulder.

She smiled at me, apologetically. “He can be a little shy.” She set the boy down, “Go find Uncle Mikey,” she told him. We both watched as the boy disappeared down the hall. “Should we talk?” she asked, sitting on the couch and patting for me to sit next to her.

I collapsed next to her. “Shit, Mads… a kid?!”

“I texted and called,” she told me like that was enough of an answer. Her head came to rest on my shoulder for a second before she thought better of it.

“What did you say his name was?” I asked.

“Jude Thomas Irwin.”

“Irwin” I repeated, closing my eyes. “Irwin as in…?”

“As in, he has his dad’s last name.”

“Okay, so I am his…” I couldn’t say the word.

“Where else would he get curly hair and hazel eyes from?”

“And you didn’t feel the need to tell me this fact at all during the last four years?” The shock subsided into anger. How could she keep this from me?

“I tried,” she defended. “I texted and called you. You never responded.”

“And what would you have done if I had?”

“Told you to stay in Duke. That I had everything under control, and that it wasn’t your problem.”

“Not my problem?! Mads, you hid the fact that I have a son! I think that makes it my problem, don’t you? God, you know how I feel about this! My biological dad walked out on my mom and me!”

“Look, I’m sorry if you’re mad. But, I know you. You wouldn’t have stayed in Duke if you had known.”

“So, you lied so I would go to Duke?” My words were harsh. Who was she to decide something like that without talking to me about it?

“Technically, I didn’t lie.”

“I have a kid, Mads!”

“I know… Look, I did what I thought was best for us. You left me so you could go to Duke. I wasn’t going to stand in your way.”

I rubbed my eyes and let out a small scream of frustration. “Madison, that wasn’t your decision to make,” I said, fighting to keep my voice level and my words calm. “Do you know what you’ve done? Whatever your intentions, you kept my son from me! You know what being a dad means to me! How could you?”

“Not my decision to make?! You wouldn’t answer the phone, Ashton! Bottom line, you weren’t there. What was I supposed to do?”

“I wasn’t there? Madison, I didn’t know! You didn’t tell me!”

“I tried, Ashton!”

“You should’ve tried harder! You think I wouldn’t have been there if you had told me?”

“I know you would’ve been! And that wasn’t okay with me!”

“Why? What justification do you have for keeping him from me?” I asked, the fight leaving me in my need to know why.

“Okay,” she said, her voice becoming calm like mine. “You had just left, and I don’t hold that against you, I don’t. Then, I was pregnant, and I didn’t know how to tell you. This wasn’t the kind of news you could send through a text. So, I figured I’d reach out to let you know I had news and let you make the decision from there. But all I got was silence from you- both times. Which I don’t hold against you, either. I personally think it was for the best. And he’s always known who you are. I was never going to keep him from you. You hide it well, but I know how much pain you’re in because Jeff is only your stepdad, and that you want to be better than your biological father was to you. I was always going to let you be a dad to Jude. I just needed you to finish Duke first. I didn’t want you to regret not going. I’m sorry. Okay? I am so fucking sorry.”

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. “God, Mads… What about the possibility of me regretting not being there for you two?”

“You don’t have to forgive me. I only ask that you understand why I did what I did, and don’t let it spoil any relationship you might have with him.”

I kept my eyes closed. I couldn’t blame her for what she had done. She was right, there was no way I would have stayed at Duke if I had known. Because of her lie- or omittance- I had been able to go to Duke and play soccer like I always wanted. I let out a sigh and opened my eyes to look at her. “How old is he?”

“He’s 2. He’ll be 3 in a few weeks. I’m having a birthday party for him. It’s a small thing, but you’re more than welcome to come.”

I nodded. Of course I was going to his birthday. I wasn’t going to miss a single day of his life. “Okay,” I said.

“Okay what?” she asked.

“It’ll take me time to stop being angry. But, I can understand why you did what you did. I can almost forgive you for it. And, I want a relationship with him. Whatever you’re comfortable with at first, but I eventually want some sort of custody. I’m going to be his dad. I’m not missing anymore of his life.”

She nodded. “Of course, Ash. Whatever you want is more than fine with me. Do you want to go meet him?”

“Yeah.”

She led us into the backyard where Mike was standing in front of a small goal. “Kick it!” he was encouraging Jude, who stood a few feet away, with a small soccer ball at his feet. The toddler kicked the ball with his foot, sending the ball skidding towards Mike, who stepped aside to let the ball fall into the goal. “Goal! Jude Irwin with the winning goal! Syracuse wins!” Mike cheered.

“Goal! Go Yrcus!” Jude cheered, throwing his arms up and screaming. “Momma, I made a goal!” he continued to cheer, running up to Madison.

“Good job, Judder-bug! High five!” she said, holding out her hand.

He slapped his small hand against Madison’s. “Yrcus wins!”

She laughed. “Syracuse,” she said slowly, teaching him. “Who did Syracuse beat this time?” she asked Mike.

“Uh… who did we play, Judester?”

“Uke!” Jude told his uncle.

“Duke?” Madison asked. “Aw, the only way Syracuse will ever beat Duke is in this backyard,” she teased her brother.

I laughed. Every game we had played against Syracuse, we had won. But, how did she know that? “Wait, how did you know that?”

“I might have gone to a game… or four…” she admitted.

“Momma loves Uke!” Jude ratted her out. “Huh, Momma?”

“Oh, does she?” I asked him.

“Mhm!” he nodded like a bobblehead. “Dada goes to Uke.”

“He does?”

“Mhm! We watch him play occer.”

“You,” Madison said, scooping up Jude who let out a shrill giggle- an exact copy of my own, I noted with a smile- “are a bad secret keeper!” She flipped him upside down before she flipped him upright, holding him on her hip. God, she looked amazing as a mom.

“You watched my games?” I asked her, feeling all those old feelings come rushing back.

“I might have…” she admitted with a coy smile. “Hey, Judder-bug, did you know that Ash went to Duke?” she asked, turning the direction of the conversation.

His hazel eyes went wide. “You know Dada?!”

Madison whispered something in his ear and his entire face split into a grin. He reached out for me.

I took him in my arms and immediately felt both overjoyed and overwhelmed. “Momma misses you,” he told me.

“I’ve missed her, too,” I told him.

“And, that’s my cue to go,” Mike said, excusing himself. “I’ll probably just crash at Crystal’s, Mads.”

“Okay, bye,” she told her brother.

“Bye, Judester,” he said, kissing Jude’s head. “Good to see ya, Ash.”

“Good to see ya too, man.”

Mike disappeared inside, leaving the three of us alone. “Did you have your nap?” Madison asked her son.

He shook his head, “Nope! No nap!”

“Yes, nap,” she said, going in the house.

I followed, Jude still clinging to my neck. “What about Dada?” he asked.

“Uh…” I stumbled, not knowing what to say.

“He’ll be here when you wake up,” she promised before looking at me. “Right?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. I set Jude down, who immediately clung to my leg and wailed. “No!” he scream-cried.

“It’s ok-” I started to tell him, but Madison had already beat me to it.

She crouched down next to him and turned his face towards hers. “Look at me,” she coaxed, softly. “Jude Thomas, look at me. Thank you. I need you to stop. You need a nap. Daddy will be here when you wake up, okay?” As she spoke, Jude slowly stopped wailing. “Now, do you want me to tuck you in?”

He sniffed and nodded, grabbing her hand.

“You’re gonna need to teach me that,” I said, staring at her amazed as she put Jude down and closed his door. How was I mad at her a half hour ago only to find myself falling for her all over again?

She shrugged. “It’s nothing.”

“For you, maybe.”

She smiled. “Um, he’ll be out for at least 2 hours. So, if you had something… You don’t have to stay.”

I looked down at myself. “Uh, yeah, actually. I should clean up. What about…”

“Oh, you can come over whenever you want. I’m not… I just thought that… Sorry.”

“Thought what? That I only want to spend time with him?”

“Maybe…?”

“I’ll come back after I get cleaned up, okay? 45 minutes, tops.”

“Okay,” she agreed.

“See you in a bit,” I told her, heading for the door.

I drove to my apartment to shower and change, thinking the whole time about the time I had just spent with Madison. Four years of radio silence and a hidden secret- two, if you included the Cochlear implant- didn’t stop those old feelings I had for her from resurfacing. I drove back to her house, deciding that a relationship with Jude wasn’t enough; I needed one with her too. One that wasn’t strictly a co-parenting one. I needed her like I needed her when we were seventeen and in love; like when we were eighteen and I was too stubborn and hurt to tough out the distance.

I knocked on her door, flowers in one hand, a carton of ice cream in the other. She opened the door and stared at me for a minute, a look in her eye I’d only ever seen whenever we used to have sex. “C’mon in,” she recovered. “Jude’s still asleep.”

“These are for you,” I said, handing her the flowers. “Ice cream’s for later.”

She breathed in the flowers. “Peonies, my favorite. Thank you.”

“Yeah, you’re the only girl who didn’t like roses,” I remembered fondly, following her into the kitchen.

“Always reminded me of fun-”

“Funerals,” I cut her off. “I remember.”

She smiled at me, grabbing a small vase to put the flowers in. “You can put the ice cream in the freezer,” she said, nodding in its direction. “Do you want something to drink?”

I shook my head. “I’m good, thanks.”

We sat in the living room, unsure of what to say. “It’s been hard,” she finally said, breaking the silence.

“What has?”

“Everything since high school graduation,” she half laughed. “Being away from you was hard. Watching you leave every other weekend was harder. Balancing school, a job, and a baby was hard. Missing you was the hardest, though.”

“But, you did it,” I told her, feeling proud for her. She had done it all, just like she planned, with a baby on her hip.

“I did it,” she smiled in agreement. “How did you react when I called you? Not the text. The phone call.”

I let out my breath in a slow huff. “That one tore me up for a bit because you’ve never called me. Talking always made you tired.”

“It tore me up, too. But I needed to try to contact you again. And I needed to know what you sounded like.”

“Disappointed?”

“No, not at all,” she laughed. “I almost came to Duke. After my Bachelor’s.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“What was I gonna do? Show up on your door with a suitcase and a baby and say ‘Honey we’re home’ and give you a heart attack?”

We both laughed at the absurdity of it all. “It was hard,” she said again. “And I was scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“How’d you react. I didn’t want you to leave Duke. And then I was scared that you wouldn’t want us. That I blew it by not telling you sooner. That you had found someone else and there wasn’t any room for an ex and a baby in your new life.”

“There was never anyone else. Mads, I didn’t leave for my benefit. I left for yours.”

“Well that was stupid, wasn’t it?”

“I don’t know. I’m still waiting to see how things play out.”

#according to plan #chapter 14 #ashton irwin #5sos #galcal irwin #anybody else crying or is that just me?

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aph-oklahoma-46 · 6 years

Note

More royal au!!!!

Royal AU part 2

//Well this is overdue. Enjoy. Feel free to ask about anything that’s not clear or anything you want to know more about.

“Is everything alright?”Colonneh snapped out of his thoughts when his father spoke. Onacona was lookingat him from across the room, concerned. “You seem nervous.”

“No! I mean, yes,everything is fine and no, I’m not nervous. It’s just… not every day anotherroyal family visits.” Huutsuu, who’dbeen spinning in front of the mirror and admiring the dress she’d been givenfor the special occasion, turned quickly to her father.

“Yeah! There’s gonna bemusic and horses and- and Mama says that King Francis ahs kids my age that Ican play with while they’re here and- it’s gonna be so much fun!” She waspractically vibrating with excitement at this point. The majority of Huutsuu’syoung life had so far been spent in the castle walls or just outside them, onthe grounds, so she was naturally very glad to meet new people. Onaconachuckled and scooped her up.

“I did hear that he hastwo boys around your age. I also heard that they’re trouble-makers, just likeyou,” the king said, tapping her nose.

Huutsuu giggled and puton a look of faux innocence that might have fooled someone who didn’t know her.“I’m not a trouble-maker, Papa,” she said, giggling some more. Colonneh rolledhis eyes and turned to his own mirror to straighten his collar.

The reason for the visitwas decidedly more troubling than Huutsuu had made it out to be (though to befair, she didn’t know what that reason was). Naduah and Onacona had agreed withFrancis that they should meet together to discuss a solution to a mutualproblem. Though Francis used to enjoy fair relations between his own andAntonio’s kingdoms, those relations had become strained in recent years, andFrancis already had poor diplomatic ties with Kirkland’s kingdom. With twohostile kingdoms making threats, Francis was in need of an ally. Naduah andOnacona were also worried about Kirkland and Antonio, and Francis sent them amessage suggesting negotiations. Naduah was skeptical; they two kingdoms hadvery little interaction up to that point, outside of some trade. But Francisneeded the extra strength of their kingdom as much as they would need his ifAntonio or Arthur were to attack, and he made it very clear that if diplomacywas not an option, force certainly was. Both sides knew that an invasion ofeither kingdom would weaken them to attack from others, so the monarchs decidedto meet for negotiations.

Colonneh knew vaguelythat the risk of war was the reason for the diplomatic visit, but he didn’tknow the exact details yet. That would probably change soon, however, since hisparents were preparing him for when he would inherit the throne. When he waslittle, he was so impatient to grow up and not have to have people to help himdress or ride a horse or tell him what to do. Now, he sometimes wished he wasstill Huutsuu’s age, too young to worry about the responsibilities of runninganything more complex than her imaginary town of dolls.

When he was satisfiedwith his appearance, and once Onacona had finally corralled Huutsuu long enoughto finish getting her ready to meet the visiting family, they left the room andheaded to the meeting hall again. As they left the room, they passed the guardswhich were stationed outside the door. There were extra guards posted at theentrances to the castle and the bedrooms of the royal family, as well as at theperimeter of the kingdom. The threats posed by the hostile kingdoms werecertainly not being overlooked, especially after what was rumored to have happenedto one of King Francis’ daughters. Not that anything had been proven, but thecircumstances surrounding Luanne’s death was suspicious to say the least.Colonneh and Huutsuu’s family had not had any trouble like that so far (well,Ahyoka had died, but her death was simply the result of illness and nothingnefarious, tragic as it was), and they were grateful, but there’s a first timefor everything and their parents were not taking chances.

Naduah was speaking withthe captain of the guard and some diplomatic advisors when her husband andchildren arrived. Onacona embraced and apologized for not being there to help,but someone had to dress Huutsuu and they found out very quickly that shedidn’t sit still long enough for anyone other than her parents. Huutsuu wentwith his mother, who told him the nature of the visit and what was at stake. Hewas informed of what their options were for negotiating and offered his ownadvice, for what it was worth, before they rejoined Onacona and Huutsuu andleft to greet Francis and his family when they arrived.

Huutsuu was excited tomeet a “grown up princess” and to make new friends. She ran around the entryhall and chirped to her family about games of hide-and-seek and pretend.Colonneh chuckled to himself. Soon, he was lost in his own thoughts again.Francis was bringing his whole family with him, which meant Alexandre would bethere. He was excited to see Alex, of course, but it would be an awkwardmeeting considering neither boys’ family knew about their relationship andAlex’s father had, for all intents and purposes, threatened to invade hisparents’ kingdom if they refused to meet diplomatically. Still, it had been awhile since the two had been able to see each other, so this would be a welcomevisit in spite of the political tension. But they should still probably refrainfrom exposing their relationship.

Francis’ arrival wasannounced in advance so that the family could prepare to meet him and his.Huutsuu was finally made to stand still and behave through the promise of anextra dessert at dinner, and she stood quietly next to her father. Colonnehstood next to his mother and felt her tense when the doors opened to let theother royals in. He touched her hand lightly in a show of comfort. He knew shedidn’t necessarily distrust or dislike Francis—in fact, she and his father hadgotten along with him rather well during a previous trip to his kingdom yearsbefore—but her kingdom and her family were under threat and this meeting couldmean the difference in saving them or losing them. Francis entered first,looking grand as always.

“Queen Naduah, KingOnacona, a pleasure as always.” He offered a hand to both monarchs beforestepping to the side a little. He gestured to a group of young people rangingin age from six or seven to their early twenties. “I believe you’ve met myolder children. These two,” he said, indicating two boys who’d managed to pushtheir way to the front, “are my youngest: Miles and Andrew.” When they heardtheir names, the boys stopped picking at each other and looked up like they’dbeen caught doing something they shouldn’t.

Naduah, despite thetension and stress of the wider situation, couldn’t suppress a grin. “No, Idon’t believe we’ve met. You’ve already met Colonneh, and this is Huutsuu.”Colonneh straightened a little, while Huutsuu scooted behind her father’s pantleg and waved. Colonneh looked at the small crowd of a family, finally catchingAlexandre’s eye. The two shared a look for a moment. Alex gave a small smileand Colonneh felt his heart skip a beat. Then Onacona suggested that everyonecome inside so that Francis and his family could be shown to their rooms beforethat evening’s supper.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Supper was a pleasantaffair filled with laughter and good stories. It was agreed that there was noreason to spoil such a good evening with politics, and the Bonnefoy family mustbe so tired after their trip, so both families were off to sleep soon after.Colonneh, however, stayed wide awake, waiting until he knew everyone would havefallen asleep before getting out of bed. When he was sure the rest of thecastle was sleeping, he grabbed a lit candle and crouched next to a spot on thewall near his bed. He pulled some bricks out of place and slipped through thespace, pulling a basket in front of the hole so no one would see it if theycame in while he was gone. Then, he crawled through the small passage.

Huutsuu had actually beenthe one to show him this tunnel, and he was nearly certain she had used in anumber of times to eavesdrop and sneak into his room. Still, despite it being arather tight fit for him, it was a convenient way to get past the guardsoutside his room. He passed a few opening in the side of the tunnel thatbranched off into other directions before finally turning down one to his left.

He almost ran face firstinto Huutsuu.

“What the hell are youdoing!?” he asked. He looked past her to see the two young boy who had comewith Francis. Of course.

Huutsuu paused and said,“We’re exploring… What are you doing?”

“I, uh…” I’m gonnasneak out to visit my secret boyfriend. “I’m… delivering a message… yeah.”The older of the two boys (Mikey? Milo?) peeked out from behind Huutsuu.

“Who’re ya taking amessage to?”

Colonneh frowned. “Noneof your business. Shouldn’t you three be in bed?”

“Shouldn’t you?” Great. Ofcourse, the first thing Huutsuu would do would be to make friends with a smartass.

“I am an adult, I canstay up if I want.”

“I think you’re lyingabout the message. I’ll tell Mama and Papa.”

“But then you’d get intr-,” Colonneh groaned. He didn’t have time for this. “Ok, how about I tell youwhat I’m really doing, and you tell me what you’re really doing, and we don’ttell anybody else. Deal?”

The children looked ateach other before nodding. “Deal,” Huutsuu proclaimed, extending her hand.Colonneh awkwardly reached out and shook it.

“You first.”

Huutsuu’s eyes lit up asshe exclaimed, “We’re gonna go get dessert!” Miles and Andrew nodded excitedlybehind her. Colonneh just rolled his eyes and sighed.

“You already haddessert.”

“But now we want more,”Miles added, matter-of-factly.

“Now you gotta tell uswhat you’re doing,” Andrew said, before Colonneh could question them further.

He thought about lyingagain, but Huutsuu had a way of figuring out if he’d been untruthful to her.She wasn’t above getting the both of them in trouble as payback, either, as hehad eventually learned. Still, she had hardly ever ratted on him afterpromising not to, so she most likely wouldn’t tell on him now if he was truthful.He sighed again. Might as well.

“I’m going to… visit…Alexandre.” He held his breath as the children blinked up at him.

“Ok.” They crawled pasthim and turned down another tunnel, apparently satisfied. Colonneh blinked,then shook his head and continued on his way.

Once he reached hisdestination, he looked up at a brick wall and started to push. Eventually, hemanaged to knock one out, then promptly received a smack on the hand when hepoked it through. Maybe he should have told Alex that he’d be coming through ahole in the wall instead of just breaking into his room with no warning. Hesnatched his hand back into the tunnel and moved closer to the hole.

“Alex! It’s me. Help memove the bricks.” He started pushing at the wall again, hoping to avoid anothersmack. Alex did not help. Instead he just stared at Colonneh through thegrowing space in the wall.

“Colonneh, you goddamnidiot.” Alex finally did help pull him through once the space was big enoughfor him to fit. Once Colonneh was in the room and dusted off, the boysembraced. Alex pressed a kiss to his forehead and sighed. “It’s been too long.”

Colonneh just held ontohis boyfriend and nodded. It felt so good to see Alex again, especially witheverything that was happening with their kingdoms under threat. He would havegiven anything to just stay here, holding Alex and taking in the peacefulsilence. Eventually, Alex pulled away from him before reaching up for anotherkiss. The two sat together on the bed and talked about the day’s events. Theyended up lying next to each other, despite Alex insisting that Colonneh wouldfall asleep and not leave in time to avoid suspicion if they did. Colonnehsuggested that maybe Alex should help him stay awake and Alex suggested thatmaybe Colonneh should be careful or he’d have to keep himself awake for therest of the diplomatic visit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day starts earlyand Colonneh wonders if maybe last night should have been cut short. He canbarely keep his eyes open, but this is an important meeting and he has to stay alert.He sits next to his parents who, in turn, were surrounded on either side by afew top diplomats. On the other side of the table were Francis, his diplomats,and his oldest children, Alex included. Alex was clearly struggling to stay awakeas well. Colonneh tries to keep his attention on the discussions taking placeand not on sleep or romance. Luckily, most of the negotiation is handled by eitherthe monarchs themselves or the diplomats, so Colonneh didn’t have to add muchof his own opinion. Not that it would have helped much, considering how little isaccomplished. By the time they break for lunch, all that is agreed is thatneither kingdom will likely survive an invasion without the resources of the other.However, neither kingdom wants to cede authority to the other. A bond between thetwo must be made, one that does not put either side at a disadvantage. Thequestion was how?

Colonneh finds Alexduring lunch and spends most of the break with him. Meanwhile, their parents eatquickly and leave together, apparently deciding that a few minutes of privatenegotiation may help break the deadlock. Huutsuu and her new friends sneak extrarolls and desserts from other people’s plates when they are distracted.Giggling can be heard from under the table as they split their loot. Alex’solder brother and sister eye him and Colonneh suspiciously, which is understandablyunnerving. Colonneh wonders if they knew he and Alex were together. Beau hadnearly found them out that one night. But no, they were careful, and outside ofthat one close call, they hadn’t come close to being caught, so there was noway anyone would know. Unless Huutsuu or one of the boys told someone… no, Huutsuualways kept to their deals.

It was shortly after lunchwhen a page came to get them. The kings and queen had promised to send for themwhen they were ready to resume the meeting. However, the page said that onlyColonneh and Alex were needed at the moment, which raised a few eyebrows. To befair there were only a few eyebrows in the room to be raised, but still. Theprinces were escorted back to the meeting hall where their parents awaitedthem.

The atmosphere in the roomwas… well, not bad, but not exactly relieved, either. Naduah sat stiffly in herchair, lost in thought, while Onacona seemed tired but relieved that the triohad gotten somewhere. Francis just looked awkward, maybe a little concerned.Still, he was the first to speak.

“Boys! You’ve beengetting along well, right?” Colonneh and Alex glanced at each other.

I guess you could call it that, thought Colonneh. Alex spoke before he could.

“Yes, sir. Very well. Whydo you ask?” If he was concerned that their secret was out, he hid it well.

Onacona cleared his throatand spoke up. “Good, good. We were just wondering. Ah, we think we may havecome up with a solution… Here, why don’t you sit down.” The princes moved tothe table and pulled out chairs. Onacona started to speak again, but he seemedto have trouble finding the right words, so instead, Naduah spoke.

“We think you should getmarried.”

Colonneh missed hischair. “You what?” he said.

“Let me rephrase that. Wethink the best solution is for an heir from each kingdom to get married, andthe only two who are an appropriate match are you two.”

Before either prince can respond,there’s a squeal from just outside the doors. “Aw, now they don’t have to sneakout to date anymore.”

“Shh! They’ll hear you.”

The group at the tablestares at the door before Onacona gets up and opens it. Huutsuu, Miles, andAndrew fall through the now open door, which was expected, but then there wereBeau and the rest of the royal children standing behind them.

“Hi.”

Onacona turned from the eavesdroppersto the princes. “Anymore?” Colonneh sighed and sank down further into his chair.This was going to be a long day.

//Six (6) pages in word. Oh my god. Anyway, this was fun.

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chocolatemillkk · 7 years

Text

Baby Steps (JS)

Request 1: y/n is more of a thick girl, and one day buttercream squad comes over and joke about y/n weight and she always felt insecure about that so she stopped eating and started to work out really hard, nearly passing out and then joe finds about that...sometime later the buttercream squad comes over and she's afraid to spend time with them and joe says something like eat and then you can go, and boys are confused and then y/n and joe have argument...

Request 2: could you do a joe imagine where you meet the butter creams for the first time and they make you feel really insecure and you go home and joe has a go at them for being horrible

These two were similar-one more specific than the other so I've just combined them. Alsooo this could be a sensitive topic so a tw for anyone dealing w issues mentioned above! 💙

----------------------------------------

Are you sure she can borrow a shirt?

The one line circles my mind over and over as I up the speed on the treadmill. I was never self conscious about my weight around Joe, he treated me like he would anybody else. And he only ever called me beautiful. But it was when his friends came over a few weeks ago, I'd decided to join them all. Joe and I had been dating for over a year but I rarely spent time with his friends. Joe mentioned something about me borrowing something of his if I wanted to have an early night and one of the boys made a comment low enough that Joe didn't hear but whether they intended or not-I had.

If Joe's not planning on wearing it anymore, somebody else had responded but by then my vision was too blurry to catch who said it.

My heart rate goes faster and faster as I pump my legs to keep up on the treadmill. There was a reason I didn't want to meet my boyfriend's friends but he thought it was long overdue.

Are you sure she can borrow a shirt?

I grab a salad in a cafe nearby and ride the tube to work. I drink three coffees-all black of course and the morning's negativity begin to wear off. I was in control; I was working out and eating very little which meant nobody could make fun of me soon.

My phone dings with a message on my way home from work. Joe's snapped me a picture of dinner's ingredients and my stomach churns at the sight of the carbs he's planning on loading it with. Are you sure she can borrow a shirt?

Y/N: I don't know if I can make it. I lie to my boyfriend. Well, I didn't actually know if I could make myself eat. Not exactly a lie, I reason with myself.

Joe: I can come over in the evening with a tupperware if you want?

I couldn't say no to that so I tell him yes. I enter my empty flat and decide to get some work done but as I sit in from of my screen I begin to feel nauseous. I grab a glass of water but the feeling creeps back up again. I should lie down.

I don't hear Joe enter but he rushes to me when he arrives. "Y/N, are you not well?"

My eyes flutter open to see the concern on my boyfriend's face so I quickly put a brave face on. "I was just taking a nap I'm alright." I sit up and grab the bags in his hand.

"I've bought dessert too in case you haven't had anything to eat." He follows me into the small kitchen.

"Oh I had a bite earlier maybe I'll have some later." I kiss him thanks but he pulls me back to him.

"You sure you alright? You've been acting funny the past few weeks." He makes sure I'm looking at him but I put on my biggest smile.

"Never been better," I say. I'd been working out twice a day and keeping my calories low. I was doing great.

Joe's continues to watch me intensely before kissing me tenderly. "I love you you know that?"

"I do," I laugh. "I love you but you know that."

"It's nice to be reminded," he says against my lips as he kisses me again. "If you're not too busy the boys are going out for drinks. You want to join?"

If Joe's not planning on wearing it anymore

"No I'm really busy," I say. "Maybe next time?" So Joe leaves to hang out and I finish up work before working out one last time. Before bed I make sure to toss the dessert, I didn't want it to tempt me.

•••

All throughout the week I decline Joe's offer to eat out or to go for drinks but on Sunday I have no excuse left. After the gym I head to Joe's place where he's prepared breakfast but after the first few bites I feel bloated so I stick to the coffee.

"Is it not good?" Joe asks me during breakfast.

"No it's amazing, I'm just not that hungry." I say. My guilty conscious nudges me, I was lying to Joe so much but I had to. He wouldn't understand.

"You're not...have you been eating?" Joe sounds hesitant but he holds my hand across the table.

"Yeah of course!" I put a piece of toast in my mouth to prove my point.

"You don't look so well," he says quietly.

"What's that mean?" I demand. I looked the best I had in ages, why didn't he like it?

"I just mean you don't look like you're well," Joe pleads but I shake him off and I stand up quickly. Too quickly. The blood rushes to my head and my knees buckle as my vision swims in black and I faint.

When I come to I'm on Joe's couch and he's pacing back and forth. I try to sit up but my head spins so I lay back down. "Y/N," Joe sits beside me. "What are you thinking?"

"I don't want to talk about it," I turn my head away but Joe goes on.

"Y/N listen to me. What you're doing isn't healthy! Don't think I haven't noticed your excuses and your salads and all the times you're at the gym! I understand if you want to get fit for yourself but what you're doing right now is not healthy do you not see?"

"You don't understand," I whisper.

"I do!" Joe jumps up. "I know what you're doing but I want you to understand it's not right, love! It hurts me to see you putting yourself through this unhealthy diet! You're beautiful Y/N I love you the way you are you don't need to starve yourself!"

"I do!" I lash out. "Don't you see the way people always look at us! They eye me thinking 'poor Joe why's he going out with somebody like that?' Don't you hear the things other people-even your friends say about me? You're perfect and toned and I'm flabby and just..." And without meaning to I begin crying. All the pressure I've put on myself finally hits and soon Joe has wrapped me up and is holding me close.

"I'm sorry you've felt this way," he tells me after I've calmed down. "Talk to me. And you need to take care of yourself. I love you just the way you are. I wish you would love yourself the same," Joe says to me as if reassuring the thoughts I'd just been having. "Promise me you'll try. Take it easy with baby steps. I don't want to lose you."

I look at Joe and he has tears in his eyes which mirror mine. I didn't want to lose him too. "I promise I'll try," I say and he kisses my forehead.

•••

It's hard at first, my stomach heaves at more than a few bites and my mind keeps whispering bad thoughts but because I promised Joe I try to eat a little bit at each meal. It becomes a thing between Joe and I for me to snap him my meals or boomerang me eating them and he joins in and sends them himself. But I do sometimes skip meals and I can tell Joe is still worried. Yet throughout the week I continue getting texts asking me if I ate and the gentle reminders help me. I continue going to the gym but I begin to feel better with the portions I take.

A few weeks later Joe invites me to his for an end-of-the-summer get together with his friends and I want so badly to say no but I'm forced to come. I dress in a long sleeved dress that comes to my knees and make sure to feel nice so any comments I can try to deflect. But as soon as I get to his flat I freeze outside the door, unable to open the it.

Are you sure she can borrow a shirt?

My heart races. Deep breaths. I reach for the door but it swings open.

"Oh, Y/N! Hey!" Caspar leans in for a hug. "Sorry just need to step out I forgot to get the beer."

I make my way in, butterflies working up a storm inside my stomach and my lungs restricting, making it harder to breathe. Suddenly a hand grabs my arm and I know by the shape of it it's Joe.

"Hey love, glad you came." He kisses me on the cheek.

"Yeah, here." I hand him the bottle of rosé I brought.

"You look gorgeous," Joe admires me and I'm suddenly embarassed for my earlier doubts. He kisses me more passionately this time and I get lost in it until I remember his friends were in the other room.

"I should go say hello," I laugh, wiping the lipstick from Joe's mouth. He pouts but we walk in anyway.

"Oh Y/N is here," one of Joe's friends calls out. "We were wondering when you'd show!"

"Hey," I wave at everybody who asks how I am.

"Y/N brought rosé, Jack will be seeing the bottom of this bottle." Joe jokes and all the boys laugh. The attention shifts and I let out a sigh. I was in the clear.

Everyone slowly relaxes, mostly me, after the alcohol runs freely and I get more comfortable with the boys. I only pick at the foods Joe's ordered in, drinking a few beers instead and I can feel Joe keeping an eye on me.

"You should get something in you if you're planning on drinking any more," Joe whispers to me once we've all gathered in front of his projector, scrolling through our phones with conversation scattered about.

"I'm fine," I say curtly. I didn't want Joe to bring it up, not in front of his friends.

"You're gonna throw up later and be hungover for days at the rate you're going," he says a little more aggressively.

"Don't worry." I say quietly and turn back to Jack who was addressing everyone.

"...and we should check out that new club in central," Jack calls out. Most of the boys are ready to go but Joe reminds them they said they'd help clean up after the mess they made when Josh dared Mikey and Conor to have a drinking contest.

I get up to clear away the table of bottles but Joe grabs my hand. He speaks low enough so only the two of us hear. "You have to eat something or you're not going out to drink more."

"So what?" I whisper but it must be louder than intended because a few of the boys look our way.

"Don't be difficult," Joe pushes me over to the side of the room. He leans in closer, "I'm not letting you go out if you don't eat something. I don't want to go over this again love."

"You're being a downer Joe," I cross my arms over my chest.

"Y/N if you don't eat something we're staying home," Joe raises his voice, unbothered if his friends hear anymore.

"What's happening?" Someone asks.

"Nothing! I'm talking to her," Joe says angrily.

"Don't treat me like a bloody child!" I say louder than a whisper. "I'm perfectly fine going!"

"Y/N I'm saying it because I care and you know that! Skipping meals is not healthy!"

"No! You're suffocating me! And why don't you just tell everyone some more!" I yell. I couldn't believe he'd said that out loud. I push past Joe and leave the room-why did anything I do seem wrong!? I start to cry and I definitely did not want his friends to see.

"Y/N!" Joe calls after me but I make my way out.

"How long..." I hear one of his friends ask and the embarassment washes over me in waves. I already felt so insecure in front of them and now this! The tears roll over and down my cheeks and I'm sobbing by the time I get to the bus stop.

My phone begins ringing but I silence it. I hated arguing with Joe and I didn't want to talk.

"Y/N!" A voice yells out from the top of the street. "Hold on!"

Joe's tint frame gets larger as he comes closer, out of breath. "Y/N I'm sorry."

"I hate arguing with you," I tell him.

"Me too," he pulls me in as soon as he reaches me. "I'm sorry I said that in front of my friends. I shouldn't have."

"It's okay," I say. "It's just easier said than done."

"I know," he rubs my back. "I want you to get better I'm sorry if I'm too pushy."

"Hey!" A shout from afar has us looking towards Joe's house. All his friends have gathered in a group. "We're all grabbing a bite then hitting the club. Are you two lovebirds joining?"

I can't stop the smile on my face. They were being understanding, they hadn't made fun of me. I'm relieved. I look to Joe and he's looking back at me for an answer.

"Yes!" I shout back and so Joe and I begin heading back towards them, hands looped together. Baby steps, I think. I had to get better with baby steps.

#joe sugg imagine #joe sugg #joe sugg imagines #thatcherjoe #thatcherjoe imagines #thatcherjoe imagine #youtube imagines #fic #buttercreams #tw

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mollykittykat · 7 years

Text

The Cupboard Game Pt. 2

AU in which Splinter evaded the contents of the mutagen canister and ended up raising the turtles as a human. No real warnings apply. Mostly family fluff with a teeny hint of angst. (Also available on A03: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10471893/chapters/23136108)

[If sum won coms wat do we do?]

Splinter got the fist text message a mere few minutes after he clocked in, when he was gathering his cleaning supplies and heading off to mop up the coffee spill in the recreation room.

He allowed his sons to send him text messages so long as it was important, although to four year olds “important” easily ranged from ‘I’m feeling lonely’ to ‘the stove was left on’ and everything in between. Though the turtles always forgot to say who was speaking before sending a message, Splinter could usually tell who it was simply by their writing pattern.

This one was from Leonardo. He had an average vocabulary for someone his age, misspelling things and sometimes allowing autocorrect to fill in the wrong word, but that aside he used the phone properly, and was typically clear and concise about his messages.

[Is there a stranger in the apartment?] Splinter’s return text was sent immediately. Normally he waited at least a thirty minutes before replying, not wanting to be caught shirking his duties to pour over his phone messages, but after yesterday’s encounter he was fearful that he had been too quick to deem Michelangelo’s slipup inconsequential.

There was an extensive pause, eventually followed by the long slow “typing…” message that lingered for a while. Though this was status quo for a barely literate preschooler Splinter’s heart hardly beat the entire time.

[No] [Mike want to no just in cays] Splinter let out a heavy sigh of relief, then returned with his own text.

[Remember the fire escape on the fifth floor? It leads to an alley where there is a drainage pipe leading into the sewers. If you can’t hide and must run, go there.]

He knew this would strike a familiar chord with his oldest son. They had gone over a similar escape plan when discussing what they should do if a fire should break out in their small dingy apartment, a news story about such an accident striking justified anxiety into the hearts of his four children.

[The sewers are infested with bacteria, won’t we get sick?] The next text came two hours later, this one obviously from Donatello. The turtle was very intelligent for his age, sending full sentences with proper grammar and vocabulary words that most parents could only dream of getting from a four year old. Splinter finished scrubbing down the sinks, and once they were shiny and clean he took a moment to exchange his supplies in the janitorial closet and reply to the text.

[We won’t have to stay there forever. It’ll just have to do as our hiding spot until we find a new home]

Another two hours and there was a new text. The timing for this one apropos, as Splinter had just settled down for a lunch break.

[I don want to hid in sewer thats dum this were the toylet water goos we shelled not had to hid] [Wy cant we moov to a big tenthose like peepol on tv] Raphael was clearly less patient in his texts, writing runnon sentences interspersed with nonsense words, the meaning behind his statements sometimes a struggle to understand. In some ways he was similar to his older brother, thought there was a tone to his wording that certainly set him apart from the others. It took Splinter a solid minute to realize that “tenthose” was bad spellcheck child speak for “penthouse”

[You mean penthouse? the big glass fancy rooms at the tops of skyscrapers? Penthouses take a lot of money, more than I can make.]

There was a pause. He took a bite of his sandwich as he waited for the child to finish reading the hefty sentence. [Even if u werk 198490829 ours?]

[Even if I work all the hours in the world]

Splinter finished his lunch break and was retrieving the floor buffer and a few fresh rags when another text came in…. though this one was ambiguous whether it was from Leonardo or Raphael. [I do not want u to work all the ours in the world] Splinter couldn’t help but smile at this one, taking a moment to send back an immediate reply.

[Neither do I]

Four hours passed, the phone remaining silent until Splinter clocked out. Putting on a jacket to shield him from the brisk humid wind he tore into the New York streets toward the location of his next job. The overhead sky was beginning to darken, the air thick with the smell of condensation as the forecasted rainstorm rolled in a day earlier than predicted. Splinter sighed, wondering whether or not he should ask for a ride from one of the acquaintances at the docks rather than risk returning to the apartment on foot.

His phone buzzed, the arrival of another text pulling him out of his thoughts.

[Papa heanrm forkn sjklj isnuwant abcdefgabc Mikey] Even if the turtle hadn’t put his name at the end it would have been obvious who had sent the undecipherable key smashing. Luckily, Splinter often found that messages from his youngest son, though impossible to comprehend, were immensely easy to appease.

[I love you too]

He let out a sigh, contentment and exhaustion fogging together into a single undecipherable emotion as he put the phone back in his pocket and continued his way toward the docks, where heavy crates of imports and exports would be waiting for him. It was hard work, but it had an aura of adventure to it and was worth the extra money. This time, however, he knew who would be waiting there. He felt it in his gut; certainty that the moment he was done loading crates Nezumi would bump into him, claim it was a coincidence, then push and prod with his offer once again, and worst of all… Hamato Yoshi was actually beginning to reconsider.

The night Splinter got the turtles, for all of the positive changes it had brought to his life, was a long exhausting night of many conflicting thoughts. The idea of calling the police or notifying a neighbor came to mind more times than he’d ever like to admit, the sight of four reptiles the size of infants, acting like infants, initially striking him as wrong… horrific even. But they weren’t merely acting like infants, they were infants. With every passing second the genetic mishaps showed themselves to be nothing more than helpless children, who would likely be hurt or even killed if word got out about their existence. Not knowing where else to go Yoshi brought them to his apartment. He panicked at every crying fit, he panicked over whether to feed them warm milk or insects from the windowsill, he turned up the television in order to cover up the sound of their fits until the neighbors complained, and then he panicked when the tenants knocked on his door. All night, for many nights, he made the changes necessary to carry on with the secret existence of four infants, soundproofing cupboards and stockpiling supplies. He moved on instinct, an unexpected family in dire need of protection filling his life with a sudden unexpected vigor that he hadn’t felt since his days with Shen and Miwa. Of course it couldn’t last forever. He could only be absent from his waitering job for so long before he met an ultimatum: earn a living, or leave four squirming infants all alone for eight hours on end.

He knew he couldn’t choose the latter, it would put his newfound family in a position of terrible neglect even if he dedicated every hour he had apart from work to tending to their needs. He needed a miracle, and the universe followed through, though not without it’s price.

It was by sheer luck that one day, when he was walking to the convenience store, he discovered Nezumi being thrashed by gangsters who were demanding some sort of overdue payment. Splinter didn’t know much about the situation, but he did recognize when a lone unarmed man was being threatened by hoard of thugs wielding blunt weapons. To this day he still didn’t know whether it was intuition or simple stupidity that inspired him to interfere, but in the end Nezumi got a good glimpse of what he was capable of. As a show of gratitude Splinter was given an offer, an offer that would have him working for only two hours in the dead of night, filling his pockets with more than enough to pay the rent while leaving him full days to take care of his infants sons and ensure they got a decent upbringing.

Underground fights. Serious underground fights settling bloody feuds under the gazes of vicious gamblers. It was illegal and dishonorable and extremely dangerous and yet, so long as he wouldn’t be hurting anyone innocent, Splinter knew he couldn’t refuse. After that, his sense of being was constantly jumping back and forth from opposite sides of the spectrum. During the day he was a father, a good father, watching small children slowly learn to talk, teaching him what he could about language and history and how to keep out of sight. However, when he was in the fighting ring, he was a submissive attack dog beating men that were all muscle and meat into unconsciousness while surrounding crowds shrieked and hollered. It reached a point to where even the simplest fights turned into behemothic bet-hedging schemes, Nezumi leeching off of the ‘“street cred” Splinter never wanted to make a name for himself in areas that Splinter wanted nothing to do with.

Those months contained some of the best and worst moments of his life. Overall, however, he couldn’t say he had any regrets. All it took was one memory of the quartet of two year olds falling asleep in his lap while he read about the antics of The Cat in The Hat, and he could contentedly affirm that… despite everything… he had done the right thing.

Would it be the right thing if he went through with it one more time? It was just a couple of nights in the ring, maybe only one night judging by the purse Nezumi had mentioned yesterday. With money like that he would be able move his family to a small place outside the city limits, somewhere far away from the constant prying eyes of strangers where the turtles could run around carefree like boys should... …. like they deserved to.

When Splinter arrived at his destination he found his suspicions confirmed. There was Nezumi, sitting in a dingy little sports car just off from the docks, windows rolled down a crack to release the smog of a half-smoked cigarette. The moment their eyes met the skinny tattooed scarecrow jumped, startled to see that not only had his target arrived, but he was walking directly toward him. There was the sound fumbling as Nezumi let his cigarette drop to the floor and rummaged around the glove compartment, probably in search for some hidden weapon. When Splinter yanked him out of the vehicle by his wrists it became clear Nezumi probably should have dedicated more time to locking his door than locating his switchblade, and before he could so much as blink he was pinned to the concrete, foot on his back, arm twisted until pain forced him to unhand his weapon.

“Hey hey hey hey!!! Cool it! This trip had nothing to do with you! I’m out here meeting some old friends!” he squealed as Splinter took the switchblade “Coincidence! Pure coincidence! I’m not-“

“How much did you say that purse was?”

Nezumi suddenly stopped, rubbing his sore shoulder as he found himself released from the painful hold. He rose back to his feet, watching his attacker casually toss the swiped blade to himself, a look of calm earnestness on his face.

“You… you’re serious?” “I don’t know yet” Splinter muttered, “Tell me how much I’ll win if I take part in this fight you talked about.”

“Th-… thirty grand if you win the final round. Twenty grand if you get second place and-” “Fine.” Splinter closed the switchblade and pocketed it while giving his answer. Forgetting his swiped weapon, Nezumi took a moment to come to grips with what was happening, a look of idiotic glee on his face when he realized his hopes were confirmed. “The Splinter is back in action?”

“‘Mister Takara.’ Or Daiki if you want to be informal.” Splinter knew he’d regret accepting that “stage name” the moment it caught on. His old self laid across ocean, lost in the passing years, but making his lifelong nickname into a tacky “extreme warrior” title served to twist the knife rather than help him move on. But of course, Nezumi took the correction as a signal to keep their plans on the down low, and still wearing that stupid smile the scrawny little thug placed a finger against his own lips in a gesture of silence and winked.

Decision made and instincts already telling him this was a terrible idea, Splinter turned away and began heading back toward the loading docks. “I’ve got to go. I’m already late.”

“Wait wait wait!” Nezumi rushed ahead, blocking Splinter’s path with outstretched arms. “Tell me when you get off work! I’ll come by and pick you up!”

Splinter shot him a doubtful glare.

“I’m taking you to dinner!” Nezumi explained “It’s on me. You can ask for all the details you want over some hot grub and some wine. Huh? What do you say?”

Splinter’s glare softened. He would have to skip out on the wine, he had a notoriously low alcohol tolerance, but the idea of a good meal swayed him. That, plus a ride home that would keep him safe from the rain, and he couldn’t find the will to protest.

[I’ll be home late] Raphael saw the text at about six, an hour before their father was scheduled to get home. The small turtle slowly mouthed the syllables, getting through the sentence at an agonizing pace before Donatello swiped the phone and read the sentence at his preferred speed.

“Papa’s gonna be home late Leo!” Big dark blue eyes looked up just in time to see the brainiest of his brothers get tackled to the ground, Raphael wrestling to regain possession of the blackberry cellphone. Leonardo, remembering how angry Splinter had been the last time they’d broken a phone by fighting over it, trotted over and took the device from his feuding siblings before texting back.

[time?] [Very late. There is apple sauce and cheese sticks in the fridge. Nuts raisins and crackers in the cabinet. Be in bed by 8.] [Ok] [Make sure everyone brushes their teeth and washes their face too] [Ok]

“What is it?” Leonardo had just sent out the last text before his youngest sibling snatched the phone from his hands, squinting at the letters with his tongue hanging out of his mouth in concentration. “Papa’s gonna be late” Leonardo explained before his brother could finish reading the first word, snatching the cell right back much to Mikey’s displeasure. “We’re gonna eat and get ready for bed without him” “No bedtime story?” Leo shook his head no, a dutiful look on his face as he trotted to the kitchen and opened the fridge door, standing on his tiptoes in order to reach the assigned snacks.

“Don’t worry though! Papa usually makes up for this stuff. He’ll prob’ly bring pizza tomorrow!” Though this reassurance seemed to please the youngest turtle, Donatello and Raphael didn’t look all too happy.

“He shouldn’t be out longer! He needs to sleep more! Thas’ the opposite of what I told him to do!” Donatello said, sounding close to tears as he gave a little stomp of his foot. “Whadya mean he’s not going to be home?!” Raph added, joining in with his sibling’s protests “He’s never home and I miss him!” “He misses us too!” Mikey whined in turn, now crying for reasons he himself didn’t quite understand until Leonardo and shoved an unwrapped cheese stick into his mouth, satiating him.

“We just gotta be patient. We’ll watch TV” Leonardo reassured, as if watching television wasn’t something they’d already done all day to pass the time waiting for their father to get back. Already bored by his brother’s suggestion Donatello peeled back the translucent foil on the window, big ruddy brown eye peering up at the sky.

“Turn it to the weather channel. I don’ like the look of those clouds. Papa really should’ve looked at them before deciding to stay out longer” Raphael wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and found the remote, slowly clicking his way toward channel six. Mikey chewed contentedly on his cheese stick as he yanked some blankets down from the back of the couch, curling up on the floor in front of the screen as his eldest brother delivered the food and began dividing it out between his siblings.

#the cupboard game #tmnt fanfiction #splinter #hamato yoshi

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quantumdotdot · 6 years

Text

No Place Like Home Actual Play

Today, I finally had the pleasure of playtesting my game, No Place Like Home! No Place Like Home is a surreal horror/mystery game based on the Blades in the Dark system that focuses on small communities and the secrets they keep behind closed doors. It's inspired by stuff like Twin Peaks and Silent Hill. I had a lot of fun creating a weird town and exploring it, and wanted to do a write-up of the game for posterity, along with my notes about it.

GM/Facilitator: Me (Mikey Zee)

Players: DC, Felix, Halogen (who sadly had to drop out after worldbuilding), and Adam/DarkLavenderVoid

Play method: Roll20 Virtual Tabletop

Worldbuilding & Character Creation

The Town

Playtest Design Notes: town creation worked so, so well. It flowed really well once we had a location (sea-side town, vaguely East Coast), and the questions I’d set up in my playtest document worked really well as a jumping-off point to continue building. There was a lot of great energy, and we kept building on ideas and creating locations like you see here. This took us about 30 minutes total, which was about what I expected. It was about at this point that Halogen had to drop out, and Adam joined.

Tragedy - What Happened in the Town that Caused Things to Go Downhill

Suddenly all the fish in the bay are dead, leaving no more fishing industry. Old Man McGrady was the first to notice, but no one believed him when he said anything. Soon, fishermen were hauling in nets of decaying fish, leaving the tourism and hospitality industries as the town’s only income.

The Characters

Felix - Nes Morris, a junior mailman who works at the post office operated by his dad. His dad used to own the old arcade, and Nes wants to refurbish the arcade. Nes sees his dad as having failed, and he wants to prove that the arcade is a good idea, actually, and his dad was the one who was a failure. Nes likes to think of himself as a teen but he’s actually just over 20, yet still dresses like a teenager did 5 years ago. His dad named him Nes because he thought naming his son a video game word was cool and futuristic, and would help him succeed in life.

Adam - Mónica Lupe, aka Mo, a 30-something gas tanker trucker who is in and out of Sandy Bay. She may drive a gas truck but she refuses to go to the shitty gas station off the highway because people are rude there, however, she’s friendly with the folks at the convenience store in town. Mo wants to ride the line between complete social outcast and having a couple friends, and has gotten rid of her family name because it got misspelled, mispronounced, and got her teased.

DC - Owen Peterson, a 19-year-old clerk for the convenience store in the middle of town. Owen wants to save up enough money to leave because he got accepted to a college, but he’s sticking around to help his family out and hoping he can still save up. Owen is irrationally afraid of people with different-colored eyes, because he read about them once and got spooked. Even though he knows it’s an irrational fear, the thought of meeting someone with the mutation fills him with dread. Owen feels responsible for people in general, and often delivers stuff from the convenience store to old man McGrady in the evenings 2-3 times a week, like cigarettes, beef jerky, and whatever weird stuff the old man needs. In return, McGrady has an open ear to tell stories and conspiracies he’s been thinking about. Owen also orders comic books for the convenience store, and getting to read them is the one thing he looks forward to every week.

Playtest Design Notes: Character creation seemed like it didn’t flow as well as I had hoped it would. Folks took their own time to come up with good, personal answers for the questions posed, which is awesome! However, I could’ve done better by giving them space to write out their thoughts and making that more explicit. We were playing in Roll20 and I just started with a blank canvas and moved on from there, but I know now that giving the players index cards or something that they feel like is theirs will probably help a lot in that regard if I don’t have character sheets. It’s something I rectified later in play.

How They Know Each Other

Nes and Owen went to school together (they were in the same year) and bonded over comic books and video games. Nes has a shelf full of comics in the ruins of the arcade and they read them together. Also, Nes is the one to deliver the new comics Owen orders, as they come by mail.

Mo and Nes met because Mo’s oil truck crashed into Nes’ mail truck on Nes’ first week of driving it. Nes wasn’t paying attention while turning, and even though Mo slammed on the brakes, she wasn’t able to fully stop in time and pushed the mail truck against a pole, slightly dinging the truck. Neither of them wanted to face the repercussions of telling anyone what really happened (as Mo would face paperwork and Nes would have to deal with his dad), so Nes just brushed it off as him having hit a pole. Nes still got chewed out by his dad, but no one was the wiser. Mo offered to pick Nes up to help him with his route (now on bike), but he didn’t accept. There’s a lot of small winding streets, and Nes delivers the mail to the people he doesn’t like last.

Owen and Mo know each other because they struck up a friendship when Mo would come in to get her coffee, and they got to be people that each other could trust mutually, a genuine connection in this town where that’s a rarity. Since then, they’ve started to talk to each other about their problems and their lives.

How They Feel About the Tragedy

Owen is the town ear; he hears people worrying about it in hushed tones, everyone has their theories but no one has a concrete reason. It’s disturbing because usually there’s a common thread in rumors, but there isn’t to this.

Mo thinks there’s demons in the town, goth is in again and that’s super suspicious, it’s the devil’s fault--Mo relies heavily on Christian stereotypes of what’s evil versus holy.

Nes more worried about the monetary aspect of the fish crisis, almost every single household started getting past-due bills, something else doesn’t smell right.

Playtest Design Notes: How the group knows each other and how they feel about the tragedy flowed super-well once the group had a solid grasp on their characters. I didn’t even have to prompt to talk about how the group knew each other--it was just a natural evolution from character building, which is the kind of thing I was hoping for, and it made me very happy to see as a designer. I thought these two sections really helped to flesh out the characters and how they exist in this world, as well. At this point we were about an hour in, which I felt was the perfect amount of time.

Investigation Begins

What Brought Them Together

Mo originally learned about the fishing industry dying when she overheard Nes and Owen talking about it in hushed tones while she was getting her morning coffee. They agreed to meet later to talk about it in greater detail.

Figuring out “The Mystery”

Later that same day, group meets up at the abandoned bistro of convenience store around 1-2pm. There used to be a cafe here that served sandwiches and coffee, but now people just sit here and drink their coffee, which is just drip machine now. There also used to be phone booths, but those got ripped out a while back.

Nancy, Owen’s boss and the manager of the Convenience Store, hands Owen a bag full of Smucker’s Uncrustable sandwiches she expensed and microwaved for him so he and his friends could have a snack for their meeting, despite the fact that you aren’t really supposed to microwave Uncrustables in their wrappers. Owen grabs the bag and sits down with Mo and Nes, distributing the sandwiches.

“They’re really not so bad once you get past the bread,” he says, trying to make up for the fact that the bread on the outside is slightly hard from microwaving them, and the inside is maybe still a little frozen. “The warm jelly is actually alright.”

Mo wordlessly takes out her own sack lunch, which she’s packed for driving, and takes out the lukewarm ham sandwich she’s made for herself. She eats the Uncrustable first out of principle and doesn’t say anything.

Once they’re done with their lunch, Nes pulls out a stack of bills, along with a registry of names from the Post Office with red marks next to a bunch of them. “Seventy-five percent of the people in the town have been getting these overdue bills,” Nes says, and explains that he only recently realized that there was a pattern and got names for the people, though more and more people have been getting them over time. The group talks about it and decides that there has to be a connection to the fish dying, the fishing industry slowly shuttering, and the debts of the townspeople. Nes says that he wants to check along his route, check peoples’ windows maybe, see what’s up. Mónica asks if she can tag along. Owen says he was due to take some supplies to Old Man McGrady after his shift is over, but asks Mo for a favor--he needs her to buy him some Lindlelof’s Vodka so he can stock the old man up. Mo reluctantly agrees as long as Owen will pay her for it.

The Mystery

What connects the town's debts to the dead fish?

Playtest Design Notes: I wasn’t initially sure how to frame this initial scene, so I deferred to the players, who decided that, after we talked about how they learned about the information and what brought them together, that we could elide that initial scene and just play out them sitting down to talk about the mystery. This was a little bit awkward, and I don’t make a good distinction in the rules--I think it would be better to provide the GM and the players both with a little bit more support in how to narrate their getting together versus their in-character discussion of how to deal with what they know. Blades is very good about cutting to the action, and this game would do well to function similarly.

The Scenes

Playtest Design Notes: We decided at the beginning of the session that it would be better to have each person in a scene roll 1d6, and then the highest result among the characters in a scene would be the result. I like this change a lot and I’ll be changing that in the design doc, as it ensures everyone gets to roll. It makes more sense too--both of the characters agreed on the course of action, so there wasn’t really a “leader.”

Nes and Mo go together to check out the mail route and see what information they can find out about the people on it. Nes is taking his bike since the mail truck is still out of commission, and Mo is jogging behind in athleticwear even though no one really does that in Sandy Bay. It’s fine.

They both roll 1d6, and both fail, and their search directs them to an apartment complex called Windy Peaks Apartments, where the greatest density of people who received the bills is found. It’s also where a lot of folks who work in the boardwalk hospitality live, given its proximity. The buildings look nice from far away--canvas awnings, shingled exterior walls--but up close you can tell the awnings are covered in grime and sea salt, and the green tinge of the shingles is from mold and other growth on them. The complex is generally in a state of disrepair.

Mo goes into the complex first while Nes stays behind to lock his bike. The apartment complex is fairly quiet--no one is really around during the day, it seems. As she walks further into the complex, she notices the door to one of the apartment buildings has been busted open, so she enters. Inside, the building smells like sewage, has astroturf carpet which crunches underneath your feet, and the doors are fake dark wood varnish with brass fake-gold mail slots. There’s a staircase leading up to the 2nd and 3rd floors of the building, but Mo wants to look around to see if there’s a second staircase. She finds a handyman stairwell at the far end of the hallway and goes up it.

Nes walks into the building shortly after she walks up the staircase, sees the door close, shrugs, and goes to check the mail slots to see if there’s anyone who hasn’t taken their mail yet. He crouches down to look into the mail slot, but a big burly man opens the door and asks what in the sam-hill Nes is doing. Nes makes up some bullshit excuse about misdelivering a letter, and the man directs him to the message board where everyone posts information and/or tacks misdelivered letters, then slams the door in his face.

Upstairs, Mo hears the sound of someone crying out in the hallway. She walks out into the hallway to see who it is, and sees a small 8 year old girl sitting in the hall, clutching a letter and sniffling, face tear-stained. As Mo gets closer, she sees that the door to the apartment the girl is sitting in front of has been forced open, and that there is a blank spot where the TV was, along with broken bookcases tossed over, and cabinets open and emptied. The little girl is still wearing her My Little Pony backpack, which is tattered around the edges like it’s a hand-me-down. Mo asks the little girl for her name, and the girl replies Julie. Mo then asks who she’s supposed to call when something bad happens, which causes Julie to start crying again when she admits that they took the phone, and mumbles something about her grandpa before the tears break out again. Mo then says that she has a phone and hands it to Julie, who types in the numbers ‘911’ before looking to Mo for confirmation. Mo nods, and they dial 911.

Meanwhile, Nes has gone outside to hide in a bush and wait to see if anyone comes home. After waiting several minutes, he eventually leaves the bush to sit on the grass next to it. He hears the sound of police sirens, which continue to get louder until a contingent of police cars pull up to the complex in front of him. He sees the officers rush past, and we cut to the police, Mo, and Julie outside the building. Julie is crying as the police comfort her, while another officer asks if she saw the robbery take place and if she could give a statement. Mo says she didn’t see and leaves with Nes as they walk the bike home.

As they walk the bike home, both clearly bummed out that they didn’t get any good information, Mo comments to Nes, "I didn't know you had the gumption to go into doors." Nes just shrugs neutrally and they keep walking. Mo stops by her house to take a chance to rest and have some alone time before they meet up.

(Nes and Mo both give up one token of Stress for the failed roll.)

Meanwhile, Owen has arrived at Old Man McGrady’s with a bag full of various sundries, hoping he can get some information out the old man. He rolls 1d6, and also fails. There’s a sign on the outside of the houseboat that used to say “Gone Fishin’” but now the “Fishin’” part has been crossed off with Sharpie. Underneath it, there’s an arrow pointing to the deck that says “Deliveries.” Owen decides to try and see if he can get inside the houseboat to leave the stuff inside. Once he puts it on the counter and organizes a little, he decides to look around to see if there’s any conspiracy theory stuff or yarnboards that McGrady has out, any information at all. He rolls 1d6 again, and fails again. As he walks into the living space of the house boat, he sees that there’s not a lot that’s nice sitting around--not because McGrady’s poor, but more that he doesn’t care about having things. There’s a lure spinner on the small table which doubles as both workspace and dining table, and a dusty bookshelf that has a few Audobon guides and the like on local birds, fish, and wildlife. Also on the bookshelf is a giant, state-of-the-art safe with both physical and digital locks. The boat is fairly sparse other than that. Owen, lacking any good leads, decides to tidy up things around the boat before leaving.

(Owen gives up two tokens of Stress for the failed rolls.)

When the group meets up again, it’s that evening, and the ruins of the old arcade are thumping with music. The teens who gather there have rigged up an old DDR machine to play music from their iPods, and they are having a breakdancing competition while the music plays. The group enters the back offices of the arcade, and the bass from the music pulses and throbs through the walls. Mo sits on a stack of old, burnt-out CRT monitors that flicker into being from time-to-time, and still show the sprites and scores from their old games. The team decides to take the night to rest and reconvene the next day.

Playtest Design Notes: It was an interesting challenge for me to think up how things could fail from the beginning, and how to make things more interesting than “you don’t get anything.” DC had an idea for a new question he wanted Owen to ask after his failure, which he could articulate as a different and distinct question, which I decided made sense in the moment. I’m not entirely satisfied with how the resolution of failed rolls played out, but it helped me realize some blind spots in my design. More on this below.

Moving between the scenes and the options present after a scene had wrapped felt a little awkward. I think I can restructure the game to make what actions players can take at any given point clearer. As much as I like the way the current game flows when reading it, in play it doesn’t work super great--which is the kind of information I needed from this playtest!

Final Thoughts & Takeaways

Overall, I felt like it went pretty well. We had to break an hour earlier than planned, but we still managed to get what felt like a lot accomplished in the three hours that we played. Other than some stumbling blocks in pacing and roll resolution I’m going to address before we continue this playtest, everything flowed pretty well. I’m really happy to have something that works as a game, rather than just falls apart after closer examination. I was also very lucky to have players who were enthused about the game, which helped too, and which I’m extremely thankful for.

I mentioned I’d bring up the resolution of failed rolls, from both a GMing and game design perspective, because as soon as it happened, I realized a couple blind spots with the game as currently written.

First, I intended to write the text for investigation rolls to be similar to Blades’ Gather Information rolls. For Gather Information, before rolling, the GM asks the player how they’re gathering information, and then the GM determines if there’s a consequence or harm associated. If there is a consequence, the player makes an Action roll, and the result of that roll determines how well the character does as well as any harm or complications they suffer. If the roll is a success, the roll also determines the quality of the information they receive. If there’s no “danger or trouble at hand,” a Fortune roll is made instead. For a Fortune roll, you always get some information, and the roll result determines the quality of information you get. As far as I can tell from the rules, fortune rolls always net you something even if it’s very little.

For Nes and Mo, I should have established the location before having them roll, but when I saw the result, I had vague ideas of how their failures would manifest. Once we did establish the location, I wanted to play out the scene in a similar way to how I would play out a Gather Information roll in Blades. Nes failed, got close to what he wanted (the letters in the door slot), but was rebuffed in the last second. Meanwhile, Mo also didn’t get what she wanted, but got some interesting information regardless about a burglary. I figured what happened here was also kind of similar to a 7-9 result for Spout Lore in Dungeon World.

For Owen, on the other hand, I feel like I goofed it a bit as a GM initially. The result of a roll should never just be “you get nothing”. Sure, a consequence for an Action Roll could be “you lose this opportunity,” but that’s because of that danger or trouble bit.

Where’s the danger or trouble at hand in either of these instances? My thought was the danger or trouble at hand would be that circumstances just don’t line up the way the characters wanted. However, I don’t know that this works super-well for a Forged in the Dark game or feels like a satisfying result. By conflating standard Action rolls and Fortune rolls like I did in my design, I created a circumstance where you could be essentially making a Fortune roll, but you get nothing as a result since in the rules I say “you don’t get what you wanted out of this”, i.e., you get nothing, which is a bit antithetical to Blades’ design. I’m completely okay with characters finding the trail has gone cold, but I need to look at restructuring what that looks like.

Second, after not finding anything, DC wanted to push on and ask an additional question after his initial failure. Once again, by conflating Action rolls with Fortune rolls and removing Position/Effect, I’ve created a blind spot in the rules. In standard Blades, if you’re acting more or less on your terms (a Controlled position), a failure means that you “press on by seizing a risky opportunity, or withdraw and try a different approach.” If you’re not acting on your terms, then things go badly and there’s a more severe consequence. Here, it makes total sense that Owen would want to press on and try a different approach. However, the rules don’t currently provide any support for the player or the GM in terms of how to handle failure and severity.

In summary, if I want to keep this current version with no Position and Effect and only one type of roll, then I need to be more explicit about creating consequences and how that should work. The question is, how do I prompt to make those consequences fit the mood I want this game to create? I’ll have to go back to the drawing board on that one, I think.

After all, it makes sense that there would be consequences when you’re snooping around in others’ business, whether they’re severe or mild.

Ironically, by failing, my players helped show the flaws in my initial design more than successes would have!

I’m definitely going to take a hard look at what I felt didn’t work and try to update it for when this group plays again to finish up our exploration of Sandy Bay. I’m excited to find out what happens.

#actual play #No Place Like Home #blades in the dark #forged in the dark #playtesting

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