#2016 was a dark time y'all LOL

[chaos0pikachu]

Trends in BL (Sorta): Genre Trends

So I've seen a few posts discussing trends in BL and I wanted to talk about that from a different angle. Specifically discussing what trends are, how they're formed, and to not remove BL from the rest of their countries own media.

The latter is something I see a lot when discussing BL this kind've ~separation of church and state~ but it's BL and Country's General Media. As though BL lives in a separate bubble outside of all other media and thus never influenced by the media being made in its country of origin nor the countries they share direct borders or trade with. Or all influence began and ended with seme/uke dynamics imported from Japan and nothing beyond that (no, Pit Babe was more than likely not inspired by Supernatural) and it's been static ever since.

All of that is, untrue, but also a really limited way of viewing international media. These countries are places with their own history, culture, politics, and of course, media arts. BL is a part of all of that. Which also effects the trends and potential trends we'll see in BL individually (as it's going to change country to country with some crossover).

I think a way of identifying trends in BL and also the root of those trends is by looking at the media of the country of origin their surrounding countries, and what BLs have unprecedented success and what has the industry learned from them?

So I'm gonna break this down by: genre, technical and business trend(s) in 3 part posts. In this post I'm just going to talk about genre trends in Thai and Korean BL as that's what I'm most familiar with.

Basically this post got hella long, I'm not in college anymore, and my motivation was tied to the length of my Jennifer Hudson Best Of playlist. So I had to split it up, es lo que es.

[This will not be a comprehensive list of like all BL trends ever respect to y'all who do but I do not and will not watch every BL in existence, bendicion]

To start we gotta talk first about how trends in media tend to work and also what we mean by "trends". Because there's genre trends, technical trends, and business trends.

Here's a good article breaking down various aspects of all three. When we talk "trends" in film it's not as simplistic as "office romances" or "cross country remakes" of which, one is a genre trend and the latter a business trend.

Some examples of what I mean:

Shared Universe (genre trend)

3d boom (technical trend, trended a few times in the industry, first in the 1950s until the 1960s and then again in the early 2000s until the mid 00s thanks to James Cameron)

Remakes/Reboots (business trend, this is a business based decision b/c the risk threshold for a pre-established work is lower than for an original work that may or may not have financial data backing it)

Trends in media, whether they are genre, business, technical or a combination, tend to take time to build up, and also tend last much longer than a singular year (generally for as long as something is profitable).

Example: it took time for the Shared Universe genre trend to gain traction.

Batman v Superman (2016) wasn't released until five years after Avengers (2012). Following this, The Mummy (2017) starring Tom Cruise was meant to kickstart Universal's The Dark Universe was released six years after Avengers. Before that Dracula Untold (2014) was supposed to be reworked to also start The Dark Universe (both these films flopped so no Dark Universe, rip).

Since the Avengers release, we have the shared universes of: Monsterverse (which combines Godzilla and Kong franchises together, technically started in 2014, officially started in 2017 with Kong Skull Island), and the Sony Spiderverse (Venom, Spider-man, Madam Web, Mobius lol) and The Conjuring Universe (Annabelle, La Llorona, The Conjuring, The Nun).

It's been almost 12 years since Avengers was released (fuckin'a) and we're only now starting to see some minor diminishing returns (Disney had a horrid year financially last year) for this genre trend, and not even across the board.

I want to iterate that Avengers did not 'invent' the idea of a cross-franchise shared universe. Things like Xena and Hercules, or Hanna Barbara cartoons existed long before the Avengers. However the Avengers kickstarted a genre trend in film. Just because a piece of media started a trend does not mean it invented the genre or technical innovation (James Cameron didn't "invent" 3D but he did revolutionize it with Avatar and I suffered through many 3D horror movies because of it).

[I point this out because sometimes ppl be getting testy when ppl say kinnporsche influenced the increase in mafia/crime BLs with well, um, actually history trapped/manner of death came first - yes, yes we know this. And Bi No Isu came out before all of them so everybody drink some tea and relax, everybody's faves are pretty okay😘]

Okay to let's get to what ppl actually wanna talk about, BL.

(Some) Genre trend(s) in Thailand and Korea:

In Thai BL genre trends I'm noticing are: horror, supernatural, paranormal, action crime, and magic/magical realism. A lot of these crossover, horror shows typically are also paranormal - Ghost House Ghost House (2022), After Sundown (2023) - supernatural shows tend to cross over with magical realism like time travel, or other soft magic elements - Time (2024), I Feel You Linger in the Air (2023), Cherry Magic (2023).

For the horror, supernatural/paranormal genre trend, this isn't at all surprising if you look at Thailand's recent film output from 2020 to 2023: The Medium, The Whole Truth, Ghost Lab, Haunted Tales, Cracked, Death Whisperer, Home for Rent, The Maid, Waning Moon, School Tales, and others, are all horror, paranormal, or supernatural films of some sort.

The horror genre trend especially has been around Thailand for a while, as far back as 2018 with the smash success of Girl from Nowhere which only gained a larger following when it hit Netflix in 2021. I'd almost argue the horror genre trend really picked up with Girl From Nowhere as now one of the main acquisitions of Thai series and film on Netflix are of the horror genre.

That larger media trend is now trickling down into BL with series like: Shadow (2023), After Sundown (2023), Dead Friend Forever (2023) and upcoming projects like Vampire Project.

While supernatural/paranormal series like Ghost House Ghost House (2022), 1000 Years Old (2024), I Feel You Linger in the Air (2023), Two Worlds (2024), Golden Blood (2024?) are increasing. OMG! Vampire (TBD?) will at least be supernatural but we can't say with certainty if OMGV will be horror or not as we only have a poster.

I imagine with the success of Dead Friend Forever, and I Feel You Linger in the Air we'll see the trend of horror and supernatural/paranormal series (I know some have already been announced) continued.

Then there's the genre trend towards more action and crime focused series; which more than often crossover but not all~ the time.

In terms of the increase in crime based Thai BLs I'd argue it was a joint combo of Kinnporsche's (2022) wild skyrocketed success, and the success of Manner of Death (2020). Alongside the influence of rise of crime and thrillers from Korean media (The Gangster, the Cop and the Devil (2019) and Unstoppable (2018))

Manner of Death I'd argue influenced projects like Never Let Me Go (2022), Unforgotten Night (2022), and Big Dragon (2022) if only because of their release times and taking into account the time it takes for a production to film and be edited down.

Whilst all these series came out after Kinnporsche - NLMG released a trailer in Nov, Big Dragon in Oct, and Unforgotten Night in Jun, while Kinnporsche dropped their trailer in Apr - they're series releases are so close to Kinnporsche that I don't feel confident in saying Kinnporsche 100% influenced their acquisition. Ngl it's hard not to see influences of KPTS in at least Big Dragon & Unforgotten Night if only in terms of technical film making, so there could~ be influence but I can't say that definitively. I'm gonna attribute these to Manner of Death since it came out two years prior to these other series.

Meanwhile series both released and unreleased My Gangster Oppa (2023), Red Peafowl (TBD?), Chains of Heart (2023), Kidnap (TBD?), are def riding the crime genre trend that Kinnporsche started and I'd argue series like Pit Babe (2023), Playboyy (2023) were acquired for production in part because of the crime elements included in their respective series.

Meanwhile series like Law of Attraction (2023) (crime/action) and The Sign (2023) (crime/action/supernatural) are combining crime, action and supernatural elements together.

I've said before Kinnporsche takes a lot of cues from Korean and Hong Kong crime films like Jet Li's The Enforcer, and Fist of Legend, Donnie Yen's Flash Point, Raging Fire, and Kung Fu Jungle, Han Dong-wook's The Worst of Evil, Kim Jin-Min's My Name, along with Japanese manga like Bi No Isu and KeixYaku.

Meanwhile The Sign is def taking cues from Chinese costume dramas like Ashes of Love, Fairy and Devil, White Snake (and it's many adaptions), Guardian, & Ying Yang Master Dream of Eternity. Alongside Hong Kong and Korean cop and romance shows like Tale of the Nine-Tailed, Hotel Del Luna, Director Who Buys Me Dinner, First Love, Again.

[I think the only reason Thailand or Korea hasn't jumped on the full fantasy train and pulled an Untamed is because of budget. The Sign has done very well for Idol Factory so I could see more studios trying to go in that fantasy direction if they can get the funding for it.]

Meanwhile shows like Time (2024), Two Worlds (2024), and Cherry Magic (2023) are leaning more into a combination of magical realism and a supernatural. Which is something that's been popular in Korea (Mr. Queen (2020), The King Eternal Monarch (2020)) in the past and obviously Japan (Cherry Magic (2020).

This, again, isn't a fully comprehensive list. I'm sure there's shows I've missed, and there's going to be evergreen genres that are always produced - university, high school, office all with a general romcom flavor - because they're cheap, easy, low risk and for the most part reliable.

That's not an insult to shows like Cherry Magic TH, or Middleman's Love or Cooking Crush or whatever.

Cooking Crush is just going to cost way less than The Sign it's simply a fact. Likewise Middleman's Love cost less than The Next Prince (TBD?) and was less risk as an office romcom. What helps offset the risk of something like The Next Prince is casting Zee and NuNew in the lead roles.

[watch these two trailers and tell me they cost the same]

Think of it of like, the 50 cop procedural dramas networks are always churning out; they do so because they're cheap, easy, low risk, and reliable.

Gmmtv made Cherry Magic not for the art of it all but because it was low risk and low cost to produce with a high value return. I imagine that's also why gmmtv cast Tay and New because while I don't know who the hell they are, lots of folks in BL fandom do because of Dark Blue Kiss and the reuniting of a well liked costars will also help offset financial risk for the project. Studios will often only greenlight a project if "a name" is attached to said project.

Anyways, Korea's turn.

The data for Korea is less because Korea comes out with fewer series than Thailand. Like currently Thailand has 9 ongoing BLs in 2024 while Korea has 1 (oh City Boy Log you lonely thing you).

For Korean BLs I'm still seeing mostly evergreen genre trends: the workplace (The New Employee, Oh! My Assistant, Roommates of Ponngduck 304,), high school/university (Light On Me, Cherry Blossoms After Winter, Semantic Error, Love Class, Love for Love's Sake) and Joseon (Nobleman Ryu's Wedding, Tinted With You, Director Who Buys Me Dinner) romances - which make sense, a lot of these were the trends of romance kdramas in the early to mid-00s.

What I am hoping, is we'll start seeing the acquisition of KBLs that are closer to what's currently trending in Korea: revenge (Revenge of Others, The Glory, Marry My Husband, Perfect Marriage Revenge), thrillers (My Name, Midnight, Somebody, Celebrity, Mask Girl), more class based social commentary (Devil Judge, Golden Spoon, Vigilante, Kingdom), and an increase in both sex and violence (Somebody, A Shop for Killers).

I could totally see more revenge based KBLs in the coming years since revenge and thriller shows can be combined pretty easily and you don't need a huge budget for either. You can also set them in evergreen settings like the workplace (Marry My Husband) or high school/uni (Revenge of Others).

KBLs have mostly stuck with evergreen settings with a couple outliers like Kissable Lips (2022), Once Again (2022) for example. I enjoyed Love for Love's Sake but it stuck in that evergreen space of school based romance, with magical realism. Again, not surprising given KBLs are just following trends of romance kdramas of the past.

Whilst not a bad~~~ thing, it can be a bit stale and hopefully with a bit more budget/investment we'll see the acquisition of series that are more in line with what's trending with Korean audiences currently.

There's other things I'd like to see develop into trends for KBLs but they're mostly technical and business trends.

That's all I got in the tank, this post took me almost six hours to write b/c of all the sourcing and research I'm freaking peeked.

See y'all next time ✌️

Check out other posts in the series:

Film Making? In My BL? - The Sign ep01 Edition | Aspect Ratio in Love for Love's Sake | Cinematography in My BL - Our Skyy2 vs kinnporsche, 2gether vs semantic error, 1000 Stars vs The Sign | How The Sign Uses CGI | Is BL Being Overly Influenced by Modern Western Romance Tropes?

[like these posts? drop me a couple pennies on ko-fi]

[thisisadecisionimayregret]

mid-year book podcast freak out 2023

Got tagged by @allcountersarehipheight, which thank you so much for tagging me, I love to be tagged in things lol, but uh

I kinda realized that I haven't read enough books to actually do this lmfao. I did start reading Ancillary Justice this past week, and I read the book How to Keep House While Drowning (definitely recommend), and I've read a decent amount of fanfic.

But (as you know) I've had some Big Life Changes this year. Who knew, looking for apartments, packing, moving across the country, and starting a new job seriously eats up time and makes reading books difficult lol.

So anyway. The only media I've actually really consumed this year are podcasts, cause the move if anything only increased the time available for listening to podcasts. And this looked fun. So I'm gonna just. freak out about podcasts for a minute

Best book podcast you’ve read heard so far this year

The White Vault. Hooooly shit y'all. This show. I'm feeling so insane about it rn, and I am really looking forward to their next season whenever it releases and listening to their patreon-only miniseries in this world. I am just in awe of their entire production, the writing, the creeping dread and terror (my roommate laughed at me for my reactions), the fucking sound design!!!! lemme say, having Done sound design work myself, shit is hard and they really made this show next level real. And god it is impossible not to fall in love with the characters and sucked into the plot. If you hear it, it hears you too....

Best sequel you’ve read heard so far this year

The PALISADE season of Friends at the Table!! Another installment in their Divine Cycle stories and it continues to be my favorite podcast on the planet. It makes me feel so much I have trouble putting any of it into words. I can only scream incoherently and reblog the gorgeous wonderful fanart for this show. Everyone needs to listen to fatt right now immediately. This is not news to anyone who follows me lmfao

New release you haven’t read heard yet

The new season of Life with LEO(h)! I loved the first season, and I am really excited to listen to the second one that's releasing now. I haven't quite gotten around to it though, it's one of the shows where having both earbuds in helps me keep track of everything, and since I'm usually listening to stuff at work where I can't have both earbuds in, it's just been. Sitting in my playlist, waiting to be played.

Most anticipated release for the second half of the year

Within the Wires season 8, definitely. I've been listening to the show since the first episode released in 2016 and it has remained one of my all time favorite podcasts for that entire time. I have no idea what the next season's focus will be, it's always something different, and it always always wrecks me, and it is always rearranges my brain. October can't come soon enough.

Biggest disappointment

The Two Princes. I had listened to the first season whenever that came out, but didn't follow it when it went exclusive on spotify, cause fuck spotify, but this year they quietly gave up on making it spotify exclusive. And maybe the fact I had enjoyed but felt pretty meh about season one should've been a hint for my reaction, but hey, they autodownloaded, so I decided to listen to seasons 2 and 3. And y'know. It was fine. It just wasn't particularly good. Idk, maybe I'm not the target audience for that show.

Biggest surprise

Lost Hills: The Dark Prince. It's a surprise cause it's not something I would've sought or picked out to listen to on my own. But you know the thing some shows do, where they go "hey, we're promoting another podcast, so we're dropping their first episode in our feed, enjoy" and you just go along with it instead of skipping, and afterwards you go "hm well I haven't cared about malibu or surfing At All my whole life, but now i just Gotta know the fucked up history of this One Dickhead who had a huge influence on the surfing culture that extends into the present day." Well. Here we are.

Favorite new author (debut or new to you)

Fool & Scholar Productions! Not debut, but new to me. They're the team responsible for The White Vault (among other shows I am looking forward to listening to). Seriously, their writing and their audio production are so so so excellent and I really admire their dedication to Getting things Right, particularly in regards to how they write international characters and go to great lengths to cast people from those cultures and who speak those languages to act. And although I haven't had a chance to listen to their TWV patreon-miniseries Imperial, the whole thing about using an endangered language in it and working with speakers and scholars of that language to get things right is just. Wow. It's incredible and I am (again) so excited to listen to it and their other shows, this team really just makes the language nerd and audio nerd in me vibrate

Newest fictional crush/newest favorite character

This was so difficult but I gotta say, Vivian Exler from the Upstairs and Downstairs game of fatt Road to Palisade. Gardner/groundskeeper who gets the revolutionary zines and is constantly bickering with the mechanic. I am predictable and quickly become a fan of any Jack de Quidt character and Vivian was no exception.

Book Podcast that made you cry

Yet another win for The White Vault here. It made me cry multiple times, for sad reasons, and I mean this another glowing recommendation for this show. Love to be made to feel emotions

Book Podcast that made you happy

Ologies with Alie Ward!! Literally this podcast is just a constant source of joy and makes me so happy to be on this planet. Every single ologist Alie interviews is so genuinely excited about their subject and it is endlessly fascinating to learn more about the world around us. There's episodes that definitely can be bummers, but even the bummer episodes ultimately instill in me optimism and hope and appreciation. And also I get to leave every episode with a handful of fun facts I can bring out at parties when I'm anxious.

Alright, there we are! I'm gonna tag @housetalis (eternal thanks for introducing me to TWV) and @grand-magnificent. Feel free to do the original book freakout or do a podcast freakout or to not do it at all — no pressure either way!

[beautifully-lumpy]

the beautiful person's journal - #1: graphic design

for this very first installment of my caddicarus history series, i'm gonna go full graphic designer brain on y'all. yeah, i'm turning it up to 100 already.

for brevity's sake, i'm only going to be talking about the profile pics, channel art, and the thumbnails/title cards/logos of the caddicarus show. i'll do separate posts about the other shows another time. but for this one, i'm sticking to the OG show we all know and love.

throughout its 11-year history, the caddicarus channel has changed a lot in its branding. that's expected for a youtube channel, especially one that was started by a 17-year-old kid who would keep making videos into his late 20's and beyond.

as a graphic design major who was 100% an autistic logo kid, i was fascinated by the channel's branding. fascinated by how...interesting it was.

to put it lightly, the branding was very rough around the edges. but before i dive deep into that, let's talk about how the channel looks now.

in the year of our lord 2022, the caddicarus channel has never looked better. this is personally my favorite branding the channel's ever had! it's very consistent, the color palette is beautiful, i LOVE the thick outlines, the character design for caddy is very clean and captures his cartoonish personality well. the shift from bright blue to these deep purples/dark indigoes gives the channel a unique identity compared to a whole bunch of other gaming channels that also use blue colors, similar to vinesauce with the color green. the halftone accents replacing the playstation icons help emphasize that caddy doesn't only talk about PS stuff, yet the logo retains the asciiware controller, still showing his connection. this flatter version of jan animations' logo works well with the rest of the branding, it's like the cherry on top. it really gives the channel this glorious late 90's-early 2000s feel. it's a gorgeous branding by littlemisschii, who is a godsend to this community.

i could go on and on about how beautiful this branding is and how it's the caddicarus branding younger me always wanted to see, but we've gotta move on to the brandings before this one.

this current branding may be sleek and clean, but it wasn't always like this. in fact, one of the charms of the pre-2020 (or pre-august 2018 by extension) caddicarus channel was how mismatched and rough-looking it was. i can't put too many images on here due to the image limit, but just scroll through the caddicarus channel and you'll see for yourself how rough it was before season 11.

when i started watching caddicarus in august 2014, the channel looked like this:

(thumbnails won't load on internet archive 😔)

this was an AWESOME banner by whaddupnico/nico vliek (yes, the nico vliek who did scott the woz's branding!) nico partnered with caddy for about 5 or so years, from 2013 to 18. in 2013 his first project for him was two t-shirts based on current quickies and jaws unleashed, and in 2014 he made this banner. nico designed a bunch of different logos for caddy's 5 shows at the time in the styles of various video game logos. and in the center was that masterpiece of a cooltext.com-generated logo that was used up until the channel (initially) reached 500k subscribers in mid-2016. i can't think of any other youtuber who got that high with a goddamn cooltext logo. it's just so wonderfully caddy.

this was the channel banner until 2016, when season 6 premiered, the caddicarus show became weekly and the three-videos-a-week schedule was officially established after some experiments. after this banner was retired, every caddicarus channel art followed the same format: logo in middle, schedule/social media somewhere on the banner, and starting in july 2016 - caddy to the right of the logo.

here's a dump of images i'm going to be explaining; i'm doing it like this to combat tumblr's 10-image limit. this shows how much i adore this channel and the lengths i'll go to preserve its history LOL. you can click on em get a closer look.

small error on the profile pics image: the sixth profile pic is supposed to say 2019-21 as it was introduced alongside season 13's thumbnails featuring caddy's actual face

okay, gathering up all those images and dates and compiling them together took a toll on me...now time to discuss them!

if you paid attention hard enough back in the day, you may remember how mismatched the branding was through 2016-18. the biggest example of this revolved around the blue playstation icons background.

on july 10th, 2016, the current logo was introduced to the channel. this logo designed by jan animations is the caddicarus logo nowadays - the first thing that comes into anyone's mind when caddicarus is brought up. but of course, back when it was introduced, it was pretty polarizing. it was quite possibly the snazziest, coolest, fanciest piece of branding the caddicarus channel ever had! but it had its detractors...and they honestly had a reason to detract, because for the first 10 months of its use, caddy decided to use this cheerful logo over the grungy, unfitting background he'd been using for years.

but what's even more slightly irritating about this is that only a week after the logo was introduced, caddy put this logo on the banner - using a blue gradient background with PS icons on it. this background was nowhere to be found in the videos, though.

but finally - starting with the shadowman episode - caddy added the new background to the intro! the logo fit!!

but...the thumbnails still had mismatched branding!!!

...until the debut of season 10, when the grunge was entirely taken away from the show and he added the PS icons to the thumbnail. it took him this long!

yeah, sure, it doesn't matter in hindsight, but man did it infuriate me at the time as an aspiring graphic designer!

but at the same time, that was the charm.

the thumbnail art...is a pretty divisive subject. but it's also another one of the worst offenders of mismatched branding. until season 6, the same image of caddy was used on every thumbnail for every show (except for drive thru reviews). and there's already a HUGE problem with this - this image was drawn around 2012-13 with 2012-13 caddy in mind. meaning...there was no beard, he had a scrawnier build, and his hair is longer. so...this image quickly became outdated as he began to grow a beard, but it became even more outdated when caddy shaved his hair in 2014. but he continued to use it. even into late 2015 after he'd gotten his mohawk. it got to the point where the thumbnail looked like some random guy rather than the guy in the video you clicked on. even the hair color was inaccurate! so beginning with season 6, we FINALLY got the thumbnail overhaul we needed.

and uh...it sure was a thumbnail overhaul.

of all the thumbnail art caddy's used, this was the most poorly received. caddy's mohawk and new hand tattoos were already polarizing among some viewers, and this new image didn't help matters. common criticisms revolved around the animesque art style combined with flawed lineart and shading. this image was used throughout the rest of 2016.

then, after he moved to his current house in 2017 and artificially created reached his 101st episode, caddy updated the image to a new one drawn by the same artist. while this art wasn't without its detractors, this was widely considered a massive improvement over the 2016 art and was welcomed with open arms. this one featured caddy wearing his beanie, so it could be a somewhat neutral, central representation of him should he change his hairstyle again.

this art was used until season 11 in august 2018, when jetpackbraggin was first brought in. you can scroll through his thumbnails and see how fast he got into the groove of drawing caddy; the first several or so thumbnails were pretty rough but it really started coming together by the spider-man episode. today, we have absolutely gorgeous unique thumbnails drawn by him for each new caddicarus episode! the thumbnails before had art and a logo that were both outsourced, but when it came to how jim placed things on the thumbnail...it was kinda messy lol. he'd make images too large and it would cover the caddicarus logo...you couldn't read the name of the show you were about to watch for some videos hahaha. these new thumbnails from JPB gave the channel a cleaner look.

and also, for seasons 11-13...the blue borders came in.

images that make you go hmmm...

you can really see how desperate he was here 😔

so if this post has taught you anything, it's that caddy himself isn't the greatest at graphic design LMAO. but i'll say it again...that was the charm! the caddicarus channel looks drop dead gorgeous these days, and i could gush over that forever, but man there's more and more people every day who either forget or don't remember how wonderfully awful everything used to look. it's just one more thing that made caddy stand out; a lot of other gaming channels had/have super sleek branding with a whole team of writers/producers/business people/whatever. but caddicarus - even after all the changes and branding outsourcing - has always been caddy's baby. it's his show and his show only, and that's what makes it so special! 💜

i hope you enjoyed this first installment of my series!

[eternal-aurath]

Az's Sonic Self-Insert AU Introduction | Part 1

So in-line with making an MHA masterpost to explain those massive AUs that I've had for a while, I'm making one for my Sonic AU too. Which will be even more complicated because I've had Eternal for over 10 years and have been working with this particular version for about 7.

So without further ado, I shall put it all under the cut! This one's gonna be a LOT longer, because I have way more art on-hand than I did for MHA. Over 10 years worth of it, actually.

Alright, so I lied. This AU doesn't actually start with Eternal, technically. It starts with my very first Sonicsona from over 10 years ago, Violet.

Yes, this design was an eyesore, but bare with me. She was my original Sonicsona whom I kinda made by mistake, but damn did she open the doors. I used her for a long time, before scrapping her for reasons unknown, and making Eternal.

I later decided to bring her back as just an OC, and she's become a central part to the AU.

^ This is her current design, give or take some clothes.

-----

Now, onto Eternal. He's one of those inserts I've had long enough that he was originally a girl for many years. However, even when referring to these old designs, we're gonna use he/him for my comfort.

Eternal's original design was. An eyesore to say the least. Blue fur, blue eyes, blue clothes... I did not know color theory and I didn't know any color other than BLUE. Ignore the purple character on the left, that was an "anti" form for this Eternal who legit never got used outside of this picture.

Now lucky y'all I actually don't have much more art of this version from back in the day (That's all packed away in a cringe archive), but I do have a few more recent redraws of the design. Because sometimes I get nostalgic for where Eternal started.

After this, it becomes complicated. I cycled designs for Eternal a lot. I could never get him feeling quite right. For a long time I've sought this balance between feeling like he looks like me, whilst also having an appropriately fun Sonic style design, and also feeling like he represents what I want to be; A me who isn't afraid. Also he was shipped with Sonic.

I also just like a shitton of different aesthetics and couldn't PICK ONE. So E went through a Lot of designs. Therefore bare with me and my potentially terrible memory.

I think this is one of the oldest that I still have. There were some others between this and the blue hedgehog one, but do they matter? Not really. This one is where the Eternal we know now really began. This design is in-line with Nyx's original design (My Sly Cooper insert. Well, the first one). Putting this somewhere around 2015.

Then it transitioned into this hedgehog design. I just really love the aesthetic of the hedgehog designs, okay? Lol. And as you can probably notice, I started shipping him with Shadow. This was legit a complete accident, but Shadow has somehow claimed the top spot as my most important F/O to date. Many have come close and perhaps share his tier, but he's still got a very unique spot all his own. This was in 2016, and this is where I designated Eternal to have psychokinesis. Call me unoriginal but it's literally one of my favorite powers ever.

And then I guess I got annoyed with him being entirely dark brown, and did this design. Still actually love the hair on this one.

And then I wanted to be more "original" and not have a hedgehog design, so I tried echidna. It didn't last long because I like my fursonas having ears, I learned. Also yes, he had a hammer weapon that was inspired by Skyrim. It did not fit the Sonic aesthetic. This design and it's outfits actually set up A LOT of Eternal's aesthetic now, though.

I then did this hedgecat design. Which then transitioned back into just being a cat. I did kinda stick with for a little while at that point, at the least. Also props to me in the first pic for actually drawing him holding my phone lol

And then this design came to be. In terms of physical features, this is the design that built a lot of Eternal now. He was a fox/lynx hybrid at this point. And the colors went back to matching Nyx. I used this design quite a lot, and I think this is the design he had when I started cracking down with actually writing the fic.

And then I made him orange. Because I can. And because I got bored with brown. The one issue I had with this design was properly drawing where his orange head ended and his brown/other color hair began. Could never quite get that right.

And then it turned into this design. Which has also become like a cornerstone of E's current design. This was the design in play when I came out and Eternal officially became a he.

And this was the first drawing of him afterwards. I joked to my best friend that I always had trouble drawing boobs and chest fluff, and always thought that one of them needed to go. Turns out it was the chesticles!

And then I got bored with brown again. I missed taking advantage of how colorful Sonic characters are allowed to be. I missed expressing myself via an unusually colored animal. I missed having fun with my designs.

So, to ring in the new year of 2021 (Sort of), I started redesigning him again. The first design made specifically to be a guy.

A lot of fiddling happened. A boy do I mean A Lot. I fussed over colors a ridiculous amount. Because E is ridiculously important to me, and I needed him to feel just right. In the end...

This is where he stands now. I'm in love with this design more than I have ever loved any of his designs before. This is The One and I'm so ridiculously happy with it.

However... There's more to it, because Eternal actually has two versions. Pre-06 retcon, and Post-06 retcon. I just refer to it as Pre- and Post-retcon/reboot. And in Pre-reboot I gave him a slightly different design. I want to represent my transition through him, because his old designs kind of are a timeline of Me.

So I've let pre-retcon E have a design more similar to older ones while still adding new elements to make it still feel like Eternal as he is now.

I'm still ironing out those design details though, and I have reached the 30 image post limit, so this will be part 1 of this masterpost. Part 2 will get into the actual story and whatnot.

If you've somehow read this entire autobiography about my Sonicsonas, I applaud you immensely.

[devildoesart]

Redraw of this ancient thing that I made of my OC Felix Noll!

I figured my child needed A little updated love. (~￣▽￣)~

[tamayokny]

helping my niece playing uncharted 4 is giving me so much nostalgia and i 🥺

[nancythebisexualslutwheeler]

Hey y'all,

It's my 7th year on AO3 so I decided before the end of the year to post all of MY favorite fics I've written. If you want to check out the rest of my AO3 please click here. Thank you for all of your support over the years!

XX

T

In no particular order:

1. Ghetto night in shining armor

Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich

Posted 6/22/14

My comments now: this is so precious, like Mickey revealing his sexuality and being such a bad ass. People loved this series too much. This is such a fluffy hc that runs into slow burn and that’s why it’s a fave.

2. All that is gold does not glitter

Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich

Published: 6/14/2014

My comments now: Truly this is the first fic I wrote where someone commented they cried. Then my fiancé was like “I know you too well to be reading this”. There are too many amazing one liners and a perfect portrayal of depression and bipolar disorder, coming from someone who has both of these.

3. I can do bad all by myself

Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich

Published: 12/26/14

My comments now: truly a perfect portrayal of Mickey having legitimate depression with a self harm problem, and Ian trying to be there for him fully.

4. She Keeps My Heart from Getting Older

Stiles Stilinski/Derek Hale

Published: 10/25/2015

My comments now: This is truly precious. I love kid fics and Derek just wants to be a poppa so bad. I also think this is when I first started developing my own headcanons for Laura.

5. Stylin Pallette by Becca Cosmetics

Stiles Stilinski/Derek Hale

5/4/2016

My comments now: Truly I would still come back to this series. Everything about this is A+ and iconic. Derek with biracial black daughters? Yes! Makeup artist Stiles? Yes! Derek being flustered by a celebrity? Yes! Giving youtubers credit and allowing little black girls to live their best lives? Yes! The girls wearing bonnets to hotel breakfast… iconic.

6. Merry Christmas Derek

Stiles Stilinski/Derek Hale

11/16/2016

My comments now: The amount of comments people leave saying this made them cry makes me happy in a horrible type of way. Truly Derek has always needed to get his shit together, and good for Stiles for standing up for himself. This is so sad and as much as I want to baby Derek, I wanna slap the shit out of him. Mwah! I love a holiday fic.

7. Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better

Jonathan Byers/Nancy Wheeler

2/12/2018

My comments now: This was my fic for Jancy week and truly it got out of control. I am so gay for NATALIA!!! Anyway, this is some of the best smut I feel like I’ve written. Being sex positive is really important to me and I feel like Nancy encompasses that by also being a sexy badass who wants to show her appreciation to a cutie. Jancy isn’t exactly one of my fave ships anymore but Nancy’s confidence and Jonathan’s insecurity work so well together, especially for this fic.

8. You’re The Missing Piece

Steve Harrington/Jonathan Byers/Nancy Wheeler

6/24/2018

My comments now: Stoncy.. a dream truly. Not trying to go back to studying after seeing them having sex I’m screaming!! It’s the underwear being left behind for me. Nancy masturbating multiple times a day every day? Same sis. The car scene.. bro!!! Who wrote this!!! The smut.. too good. Also the fluff at the end.. now that sounds like me lol.

9. No Apologies

Nancy Wheeler/Steve Harrington/Jonathan Byers

4/21/2018

My comments now: Truly probably the most iconic line I’ve ever written: “I am my mother’s daughter.” When she replies to Karen at the end. Before this I don’t think I’d actually talked about my Headcanon that her parents hate her- but this really takes the cake. Nancy really pulled herself out of her shitty situation and found happiness with her two boys. Also: pregnant Nancy? A dream.

10. You Deserve Something Good

Nancy Wheeler/Kali Prasad/Jonathan Byers/Steve Harrington

7/19/2018

My comments now: This was so fun to write and I love angst and darkness tbh. It’s the CRACKED TOOTH FOR ME. (That’s all).

11. Why Have One When Two is Better?

Nancy Wheeler/Steve Harrington/ Jonathan Byers

7/25/2018

My comments now: This is adorable. I love how the kids are so involved and concerned with Stoncy. Writing the kids was super fun, and having them “pick sides” was awesome. I think if they really did get together (or ST showed a healthy normal relationship) the kids would be all up in that shit.

12. White Magnolia

Steve Harrington/Nancy Wheeler

12/21/2018

My comments now: This is the longest fic I’ve ever written, based on a cheesy country song that was my jam. This follows Nancy and Steve through their lives, marriage, kids and otherwise. Everything came naturally and I still have multiple one shots for this verse on my computer. This is so sad I cried while writing it, and did everything I could to ramp up the angst. This is the first fic my (now) fiancé read of mine and that we got to discuss in person. The mommy kink came so natural that I think it ended up perfectly. I would legit die for this fic.

13. Kinktober Day 4- Incest

Jon Snow/Sansa Stark

10/6/2021

My comments now: I had fucking forgot about Jon and Sansa!! (How could I?) when I saw incest I was like fuck YES! The 5+1 format.. hell yes. Accidental nudity? Hell yes. Jon’s jealousy? Absolutely. The dirty talk.. who am I? #A whore. Love!

14. The Parental Journey of Jon and Sansa Snow

Jon Snow/Sansa Stark

11/15/2021

My comments now: Honestly I did not think the first part in this series would get that much traction, so I busted my ass on this one. Immediately I knew I wanted them to adopt a black child, and immediately I wanted them to be like holy shit were white as hell! I think I did a good job combining that with them being amazing parents and caring so much about a child they hadn’t had since birth. Post partum and post adoption depression is real folks.

15. I Can’t Breathe When I’m With You

Steve Harrington/Nancy Wheeler

10/7/2018

My comments now: Kinktober really pushed my limits and this fic specifically really made me question my own kinks. This has it all, dirty talk, humiliation etc. it’s such a Headcanon to see Nancy being physically perfect (makeup and hair done etc) and then see her reduced to a physical mess, even before we talk about sub space with her. I love daddy kink and also think calling Nancy derogatory names would cause her to get turned on beyond belief. Also the part 2 one shot is adorable. This was clearly written before I was engaged, when I really wanted to be proposed to lol.

[dallonm-archive]

[image description: a cropped image of a pink sky. on the right hand side is a bunch of darker pink clouds. Just left of the centre is a full moon. In the centre, in a white serif font reads "writing update" /end id]

july writing update

Hi friends! This writing update is me pretending I did Camp Nano and didn't kinda give up a week in! I had a proper goal and everything, but a lot of things got in the way that I'm not gonna talk about here because I already ranted about it in another update I'm drafting rn. Lets just say it's Disability Pride Month and being not neurotypical or able bodied in writing communities and their inherent focus on productivity is Hard.

But I did get some writing done and wanted to do a little Camp wrap up post regardless. And I'm doing it now because I'm cancelling the last week of July for some rest/self care and I do not want to think about writing for that time and if I write a tumblr post about July Nano being over my brain will think it's actually over <3 I will probably do updates like these for most months tho! Depends on how much I write lol! This one is not too long (by my standards) and has some Revelations, Revelations, Life Cycle of Massive Stars, Nocturne for the Holy and a new wip idea 👁️

excerpts under the cut!

general taglist ; ask to be + or - ; i only have one! ; @childhoodlovers @svpphicwrites @abiandwriting @kowlazovdi @avi-why @ryns-ramblings @kitblogsthings @bijouxs @bookphobe @moonhungers @alicewestwater @bookpacking @shaelinwrites @onlyganymede @theelectricfactory @write-like-babs @oceancold @sidhewrites @wolf-oak @oasis-of-you @coffeeandcalligraphy @cecilsstorycorner @howdywrites @keira-is-writing @flip-phones @piyawrites @avakrahn @goose-books @finch-goes-write @ziyin @aphaimaniis @isherwoodj @laughtracksonata

I'm also editing this in to say I only just realised that July is my writeblr birthday month and that is very weird to me! A year and a couple days ago I impulsively turned an old blog into a place to document writing for me and ended up meeting people who now mean the world to me and my writing blossoming in a way I never thought it would. And the funny part is it doesn't feel like it's been a year, ever since I joined it's just felt like life has Always been this way and I cannot fathom that it hasn't. I'm sappy bc it's 4am lol but ultimately the friends I made (you know who you are) and the community I found is what retaught me the value of writing and helped me unlearn toxic ideas and whilst the last year was tough I wish I could tell July 2020 Dallon (who did not realise he was Dallon yet </3) what July 2021 would look like.

revelations, revelations ;

Oh the absolute state of affairs with this book rn. Nothing bad but I don't know when I'm gonna update y'all because sometimes I do not know where to start when talking about this wip lol! Currently on a break with it (but also my thesis work is on late 20th century queer lit/history rn so am ever really free of RR? <3) but had a lot of fun with it at the end of June/start of July. Anyway here's Dorothy finally revealing more of herself to me after a year. Dorothy as a character is like, I truly believe she is capable of killing a man but the story she is in just does not allow that so I am trying to grow her unhinged side a little bit in other ways bc I know she has it in her but I also really cannot deal with the plot repercussions of her actually killing a man! I'm sorry Dotty but this'll have to do!

(cw for groping/a man being creepy as hell, death/funeral mention, drug mention, drowning imagery kinda)

There’s too much to tell Felix. That his sister lives on the fringe of Castro and has attended three funerals since September; that it’s January 11th and she’s already attended one this year. That his sister drives through sunsets and imagines parties: the amber dusk, warm mosaic tiles, platters of Greek salad skewers and shrimp tostadas, and sometimes Jolie joins her and they share a blunt on the hill. That his sister bought an aquamarine body-length dress for six bucks in a thrift store sale bin, so when her and Jolie broke up for the second time, she waltzed into a sunset party, locked arms with a CEO’s son and gave him a fake number and plucked strawberries out of champagne and blended so well nobody noticed when she left. That during the summer of ’83, his sister walked a neighbour’s Golden Retriever on Wednesdays, and on the sixth Wednesday he gave her a wad of tens with one hand and palmed the back of her neck with the other, so she walked his dog to the beach and stole another hundred from his wallet. That his sister bombed an interview for a Nursing school and didn’t get home until night and missed their monthly call, and Jolie heard the phone ring and didn’t take a message, so his sister snuck into the CEO’s son’s villa and floated in the centre of their heated pool like a cloud. A pause, a breath, an Opheliean threat.

life cycle of massive stars ;

Switched to LCOMS this month because I was burnt out with RR and it made such the difference! I really love working on two novels at once because it keeps me consistently creative but also both of these books are so different so its always refreshing to bounce back into one from another. I have a whole update in the drafts rn for this so keeping this part brief but still love this book, still the best thing that has ever happened to me, me and this book will have a glorious summer wedding etc etc. These excerpts are from chapters that summarise the first semester of each character's first year and have to say it. has been Very Fun to get into the mindset of Freshers Melodrama. Here's Junie having a crisis and an unhealthy relationship with her hetero flatmate :( (alcohol cw for both excerpts)

In October you are drinking double espresso and trying to breathe normally in lectures and you are trying to figure out your favourite colour because Fleur asked and you stumbled out an answer (Purple, I think. Violet? Lavender? Indigo?) and it didn’t match hers (I like yellow. I like sunlight). You buy mugs from IKEA to paint you paint cats and fireworks and constellations and moon phases and daisies. You try to scratch paint stains off your desk. You do laundry at 2am. In October you colour code your notes with pastel highlighters. You go to the library at 3am. You paint your nails sunlight and hate it. You finish an essay that’s due in December. You knock on Fleur’s door at 8am so she makes her 9am. You wear off the shoulder tops and you let a girl dab glitter on your collarbones and you are watching Fleur kiss a boy from the neighbouring hall. You bite your sunlight nails. You break the handle off your IKEA constellation mug. You leave your keys in a lecture hall and stand at the reception for forty minutes waiting for them to realise that the keys on the desk have the moon chain you mentioned - or, you are waiting to say it yourself. You are watching the rain trail down your window. In October you get a halo headband tangled in your hair you are sipping a vampire themed cocktail that tastes like acetone you rip your heels off and you go home early and do laundry at 2am and you are waiting for the courage to tell Fleur you don’t like clubbing - or, you are waiting for her to ask where you are. In October you are many things / a good student a dancer a painter an angel a big sister an alarm clock you are nocturnal and a lucid dreamer and confused about your sexuality / and it’s still October but it’s not because it’s November now and you are still Junie but not because you don’t know who Junie is. It’s November, it’s September October November December. It’s 2016 2017 2018 2019. You are fragments and you don’t know if you are a kaleidoscope or shattered glass.

And here's first year Tomas being like I Moved Countries For University And All I Got Was Homesickness And A Crush On My Flatmate And Resurging Autistic Symptoms And This Lousy T Shirt (cw: vomit mention, injection mention, parental death mention)

Kristen is seven months younger and five inches taller than you. He’s the last flatmate you met and the only one you talk to beyond kitchen greetings and passive aggressive texts about dirty dishes. He is too quiet and too loud and not the type of person you befriend. The first night, he lost Ring of Fire and downed the concoction of Echo Falls, Dark Fruits, Jack Daniels and coke, vodka and lemonade alongside a cigarette and said he’d let God figure out the rest. He held your hair back when you threw up amaretto and held onto your knee when you first self-injected testosterone. He taught you Yorkshire dialect and you pretended to understand the Yorkshire dialect. He told you he got diagnosed at four and you told him you didn’t get past the first assessment but sometimes you flick the bathroom light on and it’s fire: the orange on the orange towel is louder, the white on the white tiles are louder, the colours and light and sink and showerhead are prickly and all you can do is blink and breathe until it fizzles out. You reminded him to take his meds and asked if you were weak for wanting to drop out and hop on the first Eurostar to Rotterdam. He reminded you to take off your binder and asked if he was robotic for not grieving his mother. You spent inky nights on the kitchen floor, counting the dead flies in the lights and scooping crumbly coconut ice cream out of a maker you got for half price in TK Maxx. You spent dusk-dusted afternoons at the global street food markets, at the vegan markets. Spent student loans on raspberry lemonade in recycled cups, veggie burgers in beetroot buns, got him hooked on poffertjes and advocaat and could’ve cried when the vendor spoke to you in Dutch. Sometimes you didn’t buy anything. Just liked hovering at stalls ambered with fairy lights, writing down Etsy stores on your notes app; just liked Kristen’s impulse to trek forty minutes into the city for a market he didn’t know existed until five minutes before; just liked how he always invited only you, cancelling your other plans last minute, the feeling of being ambushed; just liked how he stopped to take photos of dogs and the sunset; just liked how he looked haloed under lampposts waiting for Ubers, golden on golden.

This is also nearing creative nonfiction because Sheffield truly is a haven for just. vegan markets and cafes lol! I experimented with veganism there and never struggled to find something and at this point I call myself a fake vegan because it's too easy to be vegan in Sheffield and too difficult to be vegan in my actual hometown. And the global street food markets!!! SO GOOD! I miss pre pandemic days

nocturne for the holy ;

Giving her a little shout out because she does exist actually! I've figured out a really good system for working on two novels at a time, so my plan is maybe to start properly on this after I finish either RR or LCOMS. Idk I got 3 novels to pick from haha oops! I did do some free drafting back in April though and found it recently and I Like It! And I edited it so it counts as Something I Did This Month :) Also have decided that I loathe this working title <3 Okay see you with an update for this novel in like a year, sorry for the absolute zero context for this excerpt hehe

The morning I was due back, I hadn’t yet decided that this would be my last visit. I wandered between rooms like an overstayed guest, like I didn’t know which crockery lived in which cabinet and which bedroom had the best view of the overlapped hills. Dad would wake for his run in an hour, plastered to his twenty-year-old routine. Mum would pretend to be asleep until breakfast. Until then, it was myself and the house, hazed by sleepy sunrise. Downstairs. The peeling paisley wallpaper in the lounge, the lilies in the middle of the kitchen table, the vases of candy floss pink peonies wilting on every windowsill, the desolate double swing-set in the garden. The mist-clogged mornings. I stood outside in my dressing-gown until my fingertips felt numb. Upstairs. The sage coloured bathroom. The bathtub I’d laze in with my clothes on and no water because it was the quietest room in the house. The dusty dance trophies on the top of my wardrobe. Wine-flushed Jeanette in my teenage bedroom. The stale grey mum painted my teenage bedroom after I moved out. Minus their room, I stalked the layout of the house three times before settling back into bed - teenage Nora’s bed. Nora who cared for peonies and pushed her brother on the swing set and flung her ceramic ballerina at the wall and jogged with her father and collected wine bottles and acorns and kisses from girls who were supposed to visit for dance practice. Before I left, I’d have cycled each room another three times. And in every room he was there, hovered in the corner like black mould.

love this update bc it's like i've got my third person, my second person, my first person! collecting all the POVs like chaos emeralds :)

eulogy for our burnings ;

-looks away-

girl help I did it AGAIN!!!! Apparently Camp Nano is just the perfect time for me to get novel ideas. I made this post specifically to talk a bit about this because I have no idea when I'll draft it but it's certainly not soon. This is not me trying to doubt my own skill but I feel like I am not in the place I'd like to be as a writer to tackle this project with the zest it needs, however I am v excited by the prospect of it! Don't know how I feel about the working title bc I'm like "that doesn't sound right but I don't know enough about this wip to dispute it" but the only purpose my working titles serve is to sound pretty lol! But here's the tea:

1991, UK.

2nd person present + past. Very flexible form. I can't decipher how yet but I'm feeling interviews, newspaper articles, receipts, grocery store lists weaved with actual narrative, that kinda vibe.

Best summary is we follow our nameless narrator, a stealth trans man, as he becomes unhealthily obsessed with a man who "hires" him to photograph the buildings he burns

Very,,, isolated? Minimal settings, minimal characters, minimal prose etc. Almost claustrophobic

There's basically only two characters and they are probably the most morally deplorable, indefensible characters I've created which just means most of you are gonna LOVE this /lh I do too I do too

Only comp title I can give is it has the vibes/tone of Boy Parts by Eliza Clark (just with none of the nsfw content lol if you've read the book you know what I'm talking about) (also that book is great for morally deplorable women protagonists but omg look up the content warnings because it caught me off guard! enjoyed it tho gave it 4 stars)

The pinterest board is the best visualisation of the Vibes also follow me on pinterest lol

And that's all I've got today! A bigger Life Cycle of Massive Stars update coming in the next few weeks. Might do a proper intro post for Eulogy For Our Burnings but idk!!! It's a surprise :) Thank you for reading this far!

[mcfiddlestan]

5, 6, 12, 13, 17, 36, 38

I hope this is from the right ask meme! :D

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi-chaptered stories, which would it be and why?

Definitely the Picture Perfect series. Dark Side was the first fic I wrote when I picked up writing again in 2012. I hadn't planned to write any sequels, but readers wanted to know what would happen with Tony and Loki, so while I was attending courses at the University of London Union, I started planning out what would happen in the sequel while finishing up Dark Side. I remember very clearly sitting on the bottom bunk of a bunk bed in a hostel in Dublin, Ireland, typing out the epilogue to Dark Side and crying my eyes out (my travel companion was sitting on the floor in the middle of reading Dark Side). It's honestly my firstborn of many babies, lol.

6) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

Well, I've actually kind of done that. I deleted four fics in 2016. I deleted them bc I'd hit a really bad writer's block with my fics and shut down all my RP accounts (all 13 of them), and I'd hit a wall with the fics and felt bad for leaving them just sitting there unfinished. They were Fools Rush In, a Frostiron AU based on the movie with fem!Loki; Just a Fool (In Love with You), Frostiron canon divergence set some time after The Avengers, during The Dark World/Iron Man 3, but compliant with neither; The Flame, a fic that kind of starts ThunderFrost but is ultimately Frostiron that's a kind of original AU; and Second Time Around, a WinterFrost modern AU, where Bucky (who's kind of a combo of Bucky/TJ Hammond), a disgraced vet and former drug addict, is struggling to get his life together and hooks up with Loki, a guy he met on a dating app. I had plans to continue to work on all of these. I just haven't gotten around to it.

12) Who is your favourite character to write for? Why?

Probably Loki. I love writing Tony and Bucky, but if you look at my fics all of them have Loki in it in some capacity. There's a lot of Loki in me, Many facets of his personality match mine. Maybe writing him is a way for me to deal with that.

13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why?

Jane Foster. Cuz I hate her. lol

17) Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on.

It's more than a line. Sue me.

“You grew up here?” Loki asked once Bucky joined them on the sidewalk.

“From about age ten on, yeah. Why? I know it’s no brick mini-mansion,” he said with a smirk. Loki rolled their eyes as they turned their head to look at him.

“That’s not what I meant. I think it’s cozy. This must have been a lovely place to grow up. Did you play in the street with the neighborhood kids? And ride your bike until the sun went down?”

Bucky moved to the short front gate at the edge of the yard and paused to fix Loki with a teasing look. “Are you under the impression I grew up in a Norman Rockwell painting?”

36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?

Sure. Since by the time I get to writing this fic and posting it, y'all will hopefully forget. :D

So I have a WinterIron Bodyguard AU on my to-do list. Tony needs a bodyguard bc his parents were killed in a car accident that two detectives don't believe was an accident. Fast way forward to Tony being in danger in some situation in some place, and Steve, Bucky's friend and one of the detectives working Tony's parents' case, calls in a favor to a friend to help them out. When I was planning the fic out, that friend was originally going to be Coulson. But in one of the first reworks, I changed it to Natasha.

That's all you get. :P

38) If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? (Perhaps this question will inspire some collabs!) If you’re shy, don’t tag the blog, just name it.

Idk. Only bc I think I'd find collabbing difficult if the other person and I didn't have similar writing styles or couldn't agree on tone or dialogue or even just the plot. And I've seen how collabbing can go very very bad. The only person I ever really wrote with was my ex when we did RPs. And that didn't end well lol.

Thanks for asking and sorry it so long to ask! xoxo

Fanfic Writers Asks

[residentraccoon]

✨ esc 2016 top ✨

missed a ton of stuff thanks to tvr not broadcasting it smh 😭💔

Love them!!

1. Armenia - astonishing performance like holy shit

3. Croatia - love that nautical theme, also I presume she's the lighthouse judging by her outfit

2. Bulgaria - i trust her with all my life

4. Poland - the jury disrespect 😤

5. Estonia - ok how the actual f u c k was this dead last in the whole contest y'all did my boy dirty 😔

6. Latvia - my instant fave when I first listened to the 2016 lineup

7. France - yoOouUu~

8. Serbia - sanjaaa!! this time with a touching ballad

11. Ukraine - so haunting istg the staging was so beautiful

9. Bosnia Hertzegovina - that rapper is everything

10. Russia - moldova's 2018 wall but upgraded

12. Australia - sparkly dress!! ✨

13. Iceland - okay but the creepy shadow show was perfect

14. Norway - didn't expect this to miss out?? love the tempo changes

15. Belarus - nothing to say but wolves.

Liked them!!

16. Malta - you're not jesus ira you can't walk on water

17. Cyprus - ahhh yes cyprus pls send more rock songs challenge

18. Czech Republic - so happy for their first final ever but why 0 tele points :((

19. Hungary - that raspy voice omg 😳

20. Austria - really sweet, she's like a fairytale princess

21. Belgium - go girl, really love her energy on stage

22. Netherlands - slo down bro

23. Italy - liked the full italian version more tbh but still amazing!!

24. Moldova - the sky is tumblr

25. North Macedonia - queen kaliopi singing about donuts fills the void in my heart 💔

26. Lithuania - great performance but imo the other baltics were much better :((

27. Georgia - yes yes such chaos, love how they went wild with the light show

28. Spain - see belgium

They're good

29. Israel - "silver fragments falling" they were golden...

30. Germany - her kawaii dressing style does not match the dark tone of the song

31. Finland - literally belgium but weaker

32. Azerbaijan - nice beat, though her vocals weren't so on point

33. Greece - digging the small greek influences

34. Sweden - it's kinda sweet tbh but I'm not super big on it

35. Denmark - a lil catchy i guess

36. Albania - the inferior fairytale im sorry

37. Slovenia - lol funnay spinning guy

38. UK - kind of a regular pop song I'd hear on radio, doesn't stand out at all

Not my thing

39. Montenegro - they had a good show but the song is really not my thing

40. Ireland - pretty catchy but super bland

41. San Marino - disco cringefest 1983

42. Switzerland - switzerland my dear i'm so sorry but what was that staging...

[nightswithkookmin]

Hello. Thank you for all your all post and analysis. I LOVE LOVE your mind. I'm new to BTS and all the skinship was confusing to me. I blame heavily edited YT videos and my own definition of what a committed relationship should look like. I have 2 small questions. 1) How can anyone resist Park Jimin? Once you Jimin you can't Jimout is real... 2) Do you see any of the other members being a temptation to JK or JM this far along in their relationship?

Woke is what you are. And you are right about most shippers making a big deal out of skinship. It can be confusing especially if you have no idea the difference between conventional shipping and alternative shipping.

Honestly, it's cute and I don't see anything wrong with that as long as that is not the basis for determining if two people are in fact LGBTQ plus and in a relationship with eachother.

Any member being a temptation? As in Jikook being attracted to any other member besides eachother?

I-

Sorry. That was a good one. Lol.

No but seriously, all the boys are handsome and attractive and have qualities that are equally legitimate and attractive. So I guess in that regard, any of them can be a temptation to Jikook?

I mean they are human...

But for anyone within the group to be deemed a threat or temptation to either of Jikook they must possess not just looks but qualities that are absent in either of Jikook that results in an emotional need that Jikook may want to look else where for the fulfillment of such said need because the other couldn't meet them.

They must be fulfilling a need that either of Jikook cannot and have not been fulfilling in each other.

I haven't seen Jimin or JK express the least sexual interest or romantic interest in any of member besides each other in that regard.

I've not seen them demand emotional fulfillment from the other members the way they demand emotional and physical fulfillment from each other either.

Whatever needs they have, they fulfill it for eachother and where the other person falls short I see them negotiating and bargaining until those needs are met.

What I mean is, Jimin wants JK to be the one to meet all his emotional, sexual needs and he often negotiates with JK till JK fulfills them. Jk does this too. Isn't that what I said had been going on between them? Jikook asserting themselves against each other?

Jk not wanting to hide their relationship, Jimin wanting the Kumbaya of the group, yadda yadda yadda?

They don't allow the others to fulfill their needs nor do they use others to fulfill their needs. Nor do I think the others can fulfill their needs. Especially when the others for the sake of the longevity of their careers would rather they hide their relationship when hiding is the last thing JK wants?

No one in the group is a temptation for JK. No one. LMHO.

They are eachother's romantic and sexual awakening as I've said several times and that I feel is sacred to them too- especially JK who is a hopeless romantic.

Jimin has said he wants the person he falls in love with to be the only one for the rest of his life- I think that's the bell that sold JK. Lol

Jimin has said his ideal partner is a cross between JK and RM- RM because of his intelligence and ability to have deeper conversations about a broader range of topics I believe.

But funny enough, RM is the one member JM has expressed the least romantic interest in. I mean did you see his face when RM bit off food and placed it back in its box? This is the same dude that ate a cake JK blew his nose on- nasty ass but only for JK. Bless him.

Then I've seen JK drool over Tae's body? I'm not talking about the new Jersey VLive where he was touching Tae's chest and biceps. No, no, no, no- this is worse.

Remember that wet photoshoot they did? Dude leggit yeeted JM out of the way so he could have a better view of Tae's wet back emerging from the pool with his wet shirt clinging to his chiseled back- if I remember correctly. It's in Taekook sexual tension edits find it.

Plus he also seem to have a fetish for RM's thighs? Chileeee. These boys are weird as fuck. Lmho.

While others may see all these and yell gay, cheater and other slurs born out of nothing but insecurity, I've been around boys enough to know it's typical of men.

We are being exposed to the intimate inner workings of male masculinity and masculine behaviors and interactions in a way most people just aren't privy to in their day to day encounters and that can be a bit confusing for most people.

Truth is men do admire each other's bodies a lot especially aspects of the male body they want to have in order to appear equally masculine and attractive.

Masculinity is the sum of traits that make men feel like a man- having a dick is not enough apparently. No shade to dicks. But men want to look a certain way, speak a certain way and appear a certain way.

JK is a man too, wants to be seen as a manly man as RM has said. So of course he is going to admire other features in other men.

But how are we going to joke about JK packing and bench pressing after Jimin admired another idol with hyperbolic masculine traits and then fail to see how Jin's broad shoulders, RM's thighs or Tae's biceps would be features JK would equally want to have too because those features are deemed attractive in typical masculine men? Something he wants to be seen as?

As a queer person I find men and this whole masculinity business exhausting. But as a girl, I admit we do it too. Big boobs, snatched waist, phat ass while being skinny- can't relate but I want it if it will get people off my back. Naa, just kidding. Y'all fat phobic bunch can kiss my ass.

Seriously though, imagine being told you are a lesbian and attracted to a girl simply because you find another's girl's nails as fab. To men that's what it is.

Women express their femininity through their looks, the hair, makeup, nails, bags, heels etc. Men do the same with their six packs, chiseled jaw, broad shoulders, Gucci belts and others too.

I think it's bizzare to associate a person's expressions of femininity or masculinity with their sexuality. It's really weird.

My point is, as strange as these things JK does may seem, they are also very typical behaviors of the Male species.

And so to me when JK is doing all that I'm not going damn he wants to jump Jin's bones, I'm thinking wow so that's a quality he wants to have too- good for Jin.

That's not to say when JK is clutching his groin region while watching JM dance that he wants to have lean muscles like Jimin too. Lol

Jikook admire eachother. But I find they admire eachother's work ethics, talents and skills rather than their expressions of masculinity. Jimin's masculinity is not exactly something JK admires or want to be nor does JM want to be JK or appear as masculine as JK.

Often if you find them checking eachother out it's because they want to jump eachother's bones. In my opinion. Bless them.

In the their earlier dynamics, before 2016, I find that was the phase they were exploring and experimenting with their sexuality in my opinion and so the lines looked a little blurry- for both of them: Jimin with his dark eyeliner, hypersexualized persona and come hither look. JK with his hyperactive alertness to judgement magnifying his inner inhibitions thus making him appear most times passive to others' sexualization of him *cough cough- if you know you know* which I feel he sometimes lowkey enjoyed and at times partook in or initiated- definition of Stock Holmes. Lmho.

Pre 2016 was wild. BTS back in the day were wild and dangerous- sneaky hormonal teenagers. Bless them. But they have since outgrown that phase and any substantive relationship post their teenage era has been formed and solidified.

Thus any sexual entanglement can and will have serious consequences on the groups dynamics so I honestly don't think they even let their minds wander there to be honest.

That being said, again they are human. But I really don't think or see them as attracted to anyone within the group besides eachother- not emotionally, not physically.

Jimin I believe is JK's ideal man and partner and I don't see anyone similar to him in any way that can be tempting for JK. There's only one Park Jimin.

Jk is equally Jimin's ideal type. I just think he thinks there's more room for improvement there and JK seems bent on doing whatever it takes to be that person for Jimin.

As for Park Jimin, we don sold our souls to an androgynous she devil. Not that I'm in a hurry to free myself. *Wink, wink.

Signed,

GOLDY

[hoes4hoseok]

Piper~ I know you like fashion stuff. Do you also happens to like make-up and stuff like this? If so, do you have any channels to recommend to a 100% noob Missy? xD Also, do you have somewhere you look for fashion inspiration? I really want to put an effort on this but I'm just clueless LOL I really like casual and comfortable stuff, but I'd also like to have some sense so it could at least be called a style SUHAUHSAHUSAUHUHSAUHASUHSAHUASHU [How have you been? It's been a while~]

OMG HEY MISSY I’M SO SORRY I FOUND THIS IN MY DRAFTS VJFKVBKDFJ BUT I’M READY TO GIVE YOU AN ANSWER EVEN IF YOU ALREADY HAVE ONE!! *ahem* here is:

how to pin-point your style (on a budget)

by piper

1. translate your thoughts into pictures

now, to you can either make a mood board, or you can make a pinterest board dedicated to it—how would you like to dress? how do you want to present yourself to others? while aesthetic pictures can help, try to include some parts that are more specific. what trends are you a fan of? do you like to wear rings? sweaters? corsets? it's different for everyone.

having one source of inspiration can be harmful--I like Pinterest because I can see a large array of ideas that I can pick and choose from!

2. take a look at your closet

this part looks very different for everyone—some have a larger selection, some have a smaller one. but don't worry! no matter the size, we'll get you to a better place than you were at the beginning:)

MY closet is 90% hand-me-downs. this means i have a surplus of 2011-2016 clothing, which obviously do not fit the trends at the moment. but i ask that before you throw out anything right away, consider how you could twist it into something you would wear.

for example:

if you have a dress that's too short for your taste, try tucking it into a pair of dress pants or jeans to wear as a top

if you've got a stain on your favorite hoodie, try embroidering over it so you can keep using it:)

old high school hoodies (or just any screen printed piece) you dont wear anymore? try using acetone to remove it! (there are a bunch of tutorials on this, i can link one if you can't find one. also, be careful and always spot-test)

try dying pieces if you aren't in love with the color anymore:)

now, from here, take note of anything you'd like to add to your closet. I recommend the general rule that I follow which is: if you can't picture yourself wearing it at least 20 times, it's not worth it!

because of this, it's a good idea to:

3. determine which essentials you need

this step ties in steps 1 and 2. determine which pieces you still need to fit the theme you’d like. 

for example: if you want your outfits to utilize a lot of sweaters and you don’t have any, an essential would be a simple, neutral sweater. (or a bright one! listen to your heart. if you’ll wear it a lot and enjoy your time in it, it’s worth it!)

essentials are different for everyone, but here’s a quick list that I’d use!

fishnet tights

a black long-sleeved shirt

a button up shirt

1-2 jeans (or other pants if jeans aren’t your thing) that fit you really well

a belt

some can be made, and others can be bought! it’s up to you how you do it. and don’t fret if you can’t get everything right away. everyone is in different situations, and this is when prioritizing is really important.

4. putting them together

this part is not as restrictive as a lot of y'all think! if there’s one thing you should take away from this post, it would be that you should always experiment. here are a couple general tips:

1. layer, layer, layer (even if you’re skeptical)

my mom prefers it if I don't wear revealing clothing, so layering is my best friend! wearing t-shirts under tank-tops and sweaters over other sweaters--it’s all worth a shot!

2. don’t limit the palette

don’t feel obligated to keep it to two or three colors! my favorite rule is to limit the colors in an outfit by the tone/shade/tint/hue. let me break it down a little bit:

a tone is made by adding grey to a color

a shade is made by adding black to a color

a tint is made by adding white to a color

a hue is a pure color on the color wheel

this is why outfits with mostly pastels (white added to all the colors) and jewel tones (a darker grey added to all the colors) look so great! sticking to one category for an outfit can’t go wrong.

don’t feel tied down by this, though! colors that break the rule can be included as accents. for example, a pastel top and pastel bag would look really cute with a pair of dark-wash jeans! it all varies:)

3. rethink the word “flattering”

personally, I don’t like thinking of outfits as flattering or unflattering to body types, since they all are just made with the goal of making an hourglass figure. if that’s what you want, then there are tons of tips online for it! but honestly, if it’s preventing you from having a good time with your clothing--remember that your clothings are a tool to express yourself and keep you warm and safe. your body is absolutely gorgeous and perfect for any clothing you want to wear.

4. break the rules.

if you like something, just wear it. just do it. you’ll learn what you like. I started off being told I looked like a farmer by my siblings at the beginning 2019, and since then, I've made a lot of progress! But I still love wearing denim-on-denim and won't stop just because someone else doesn't like it.

thanks for leaving an ask, @missskzbiased ! i hope this helps, even though I'm months late ;-; makeup will be in a separate part! I'm still working on my skills so I'll show you my resources for it lmao:)

[beautifully-lumpy]

the beautiful person's journal - #2: intros and outros!

so in my last entry, i discussed the channel's graphic design history and all its ups and downs. i was going to talk about the channel's intro as well, but the post was getting too long! so i decided to save this topic for the next entry. this entry will talk about the caddicarus show's intro, other shows will be discussed in another entry.

and yes...this means that i am going graphic designer brain on y'all once AGAIN!

so! all the different eras/generations of caddicarus fans have had different experiences. whether it's how the channel looked, what video you first watched, what house/room the shows were filmed in, what hairstyle jim had...it depends on which era you came from!

but two things that unite us all, regardless of eras, are the intro...and caddy's about page.

"subscribe" written with unicode letters has been in the description for quite possibly as long as the channel has existed! it's like a historical monument!

but back on the topic of intros - the glorious "caddicaruuusss!" choir has been a part of the intro since the totally angelica episode, which only came about four months after the caddicarus show started. since then, it's stayed in all new iterations of the intro. another element that has always stayed is the fact that at least one explosion occurs.

here's a video with all of the intros and outros i'll be discussing today!

i mostly compiled this because the existing youtube video with all the intros is just...very poorly made and some of the dates are wrong and i just had to make my own lol.

by compiling these intros and watching them back, you can really see the channel/show's true identity slowly developing as time goes on. it's a great representation of caddy's growth as a content creator.

at first you have this cheesy rough "heavy metal" kinda aesthetic with the wonderfully terrible cooltext logo and stock grunge background. there's the tobuscus-like "CADDICARUS!" scream. it's all put together by a 17/18-year-old who has no idea what all of this will eventually lead to. it's amazingly early 2010s in its execution.

then a few episodes later, we get that same aesthetic, but the intro is slower and we finally hear that iconic choir. this is the dark and serious intro we were all accustomed to...but then in 2016, this goofy 8-bit track comes in (composed by endigo - yes, that endigo!), somewhat clashing with the aesthetic. then a few months later, there's this equally-as-goofy logo that comes in, with the beginning "gong" noise, grunge background and explosions and wear and tear and whatnot still intact.

then in 2017 - with the new background and the removal of the beginning gong noise and "woosh" that leads into the logo - there's finally a bit of stylistic unity again, albeit with the same effects and explosions still there.

then in 2018 - the intro finally receives a major overhaul that harkens back to the days of CRT TVs, and i really loved this particular intro when it was released. the intro was different for every episode depending on the topic and the console, and the channel numbers on the top right were counting down from 3 with each channel change! i used to say "come on down to channel zero" when recruiting potential new beautiful people online in 2018 LMAOO. i also had that beginning click as my text tone for the longest damn time.

and that static-y transition from the intro into the show was so satisfying. while season 10 was one of my least favorite seasons of the old series, the intro was great.

this intro stayed through seasons 11-13, but with slight alterations. one of the channels was now reserved for the hidden block intro (which was already becoming kinda obsolete by that point...EGLX 2018 was pretty much the finale of HB), replacing the channel used for the topic/game of the episode. and the transition from intro to show was now the TV being switched off, which was kinda cool, but it wasn't as cool as that static! >:( then by the season 12 finale, the intro was shortened even more, with it only featuring the blue screen at channel 9 this time before changing to channel 0 with the logo. this was also when the social media plugs were integrated into the intros.

now - onto the new series!

in 2020 the intro gets rid of the CRT TV filter and channel changing, only becoming three seconds with one singular firework. the logo spins around like it's a damn early 2000s nickelodeon ident and i love it. and i'm honestly glad that the retina-burning pink from the channel banner at the time only ever stayed in the banner because with how fast the background moves in this intro, having it in that color would've done a number on my eyes...

the intro describes the tone of the series well, we don't need anything else, it can't be improved on...

...or can it?

2021 brought my favorite caddicarus intro ever!! i already told y'all in the last entry why i love littlemisschii's branding so much, and this intro is no exception. it wonderfully sums up the show in just four seconds! here's this goofy british man and- oh god his head exploded!

even though it's such a small detail, i ADORE how the logo comes to life with all the syllables falling onto the controller. the animation on caddy is gorgeous as well!

then, in 2022, the show's identity truly comes together with a brand new jingle. while endigo's 8-bit jingle from 2016-21 is iconic and nostalgic, tee lopes' recomposed intro is a much better representation of what games caddy is known for reviewing. caddy grew up with PS1 games, so the usage of 8-bit themes in the intro contradicts with that. this new intro seems to mostly resemble tombi's OST with a little bit of crash thrown in. and i love how there's this super snazzy halftone fade-in and that the logo bounces in! even the social media plug has a cool transition effect.

and yet…after all the adversity and changes...the choir from 2012 is still intact. god, i love this.

i don't have as much to say about the outros, but that first one stayed for a very damn long time. nearly 8 years!!! i remember finding out when the outro was first removed back in 2020 and i mourned its removal. i remember HATING the new outro lol. but after i started watching the new series i grew to kinda like it! and then there's the 2021 outro...which, if you don't know, was taken from...

the cinemaggots intro!

i like this outro the most out of the two we've had this decade. although i can literally not hear it without the deep piano note playing in my head followed by "C I N E M A G G O T S"

i also remember when caddicarus outros would last like 2-3 minutes. i remember during like seasons 5-7 there'd be the video's sponsor (back when the sponsors were serious and boring and not spoken by a trademarked legally stipulated kite), followed by the "ay ay ay ay subscribe", followed by an end card with either a minute of outtakes or caddy speaking. now we just get the short outro, some groovy ass tunes, and stan's segment. how times have changed. but caddy...please bring back outtakes! that's one thing you should bring back!

woof, this ended up being a LOT longer than i anticipated...but when i get talking about this channel, i get TALKING lol. see y'all for the next entry! stay beautiful! 💜

[skinnyziamlove]

ok, get y'all ready for this long ass post that i'm doing about this analyze that i made last night and it make sense to me and it make sense to some friends some i'm sharing:

"fresh air" by zayn is not actually one of my favorite songs on icarus falls, i've listened to it just a few times after it's release (yeah, y'all can judge for it lol) but for some weird reason i've been with one phrase of the song stuck in my head recently but i didn't put too much thought on it but since LP1 is out now (go stream it!!!!) i couldn't help but see some kind of similitaries?

as we have been knew liam recently open up about his mental health, depression, anxiety, agoraphobia and even saying that suicide was an option in his "menu" a couple of times during all of these years.

now about the album promo he said that one of his songs was going to be very honest about mental illness and something that he's never going to talk about entirely and he said that this song is "weekend", let's take a look at the lyrics:

"i might die on the weekend/ might die/ might die/ might die/ another line for my demons"

so it's not that hard to realize that it's about suicide idealization and the "demons" talking it's a very classic when singers are talking about mental illness like twenty one pilots they majorly sing about mentall illness and they refer to it as demons so yeah...it's totally about suicide idealization.

the curious thing and correlation to "fresh year" and exactly the line that was stuck with me this week:

"tell me that you wanna die but you don't/ tell me that you wanna die but you don't"

when i first listened to these lyrics all the way in 2018 i got really surprised because zayn never talked about death, he talked about hard and dark times, lots of struggles in his songs but never about death. but he's not talking about himself because he sings "tell me that YOU wanna die but YOU don't" and something EXTREMELY IMPORTANT he's singing about a man because he also says "you could be a changed MAN if YOU wanted" like i said before i never payed too much attention on fresh air so i never realized he sang about a man...zayn is a non-straight man in the closet so i'm like "why would they allow him to talk about a man??" but this song is not necessarily a romantic one, it can be took as him talking to a partner, but there's no explicitly "i love you" so i think they let him get away with it.

COMING BACK TO THE LYRICS: zayn is talking about a man, that says he wants to die...so yeah, i think y'all are following my line of thought and i really don't want to be a tinhat but it all leads to LIAM!!

now, let's keep talking about fresh year again, look at the next paragraph:

"but you're never sober"

it reminded me again of liam, because he openned up that he had struggled with alcohol addition during the 1d days until recently...so yeah!

but since i'm a very paranoid person i like to check all the possibilities before firmly believing in something, so some of you might ask "but what if zayn is talking about himself??"

these are half of the lyrics from "fresh air" and zayn always makes a difference between who is "I"/"me" and who is "you" like:

"I say I'M sorry, but YOU'RE never sober"

"it's the same everytime that YOU'RE with ME"

this post it's already long enough but i could do a whole another essay about how it must be to be in relantionship with someone struggling with alcohol and mental illness when you're also struggling with mental illness (this is zayn perspective) but i think that:

"you know i ain't tryna to go pressure you"

could be soothing enough.

zayn's album and song came out in 2018, but we don't exactly when it was written. liam's song weekend came out yesterday but we know that liam wrote or other people wrote the songs for him around 2016-2017 so the timming for zayn writing this song for liam is also right. liam has been talking about his alcohol struggles for years, suicide is a new thing for us, but liam like i said before told us it's been on the menu a couple times during his career so it's also a years long issue.

those are my thoughts on this whole situation, feel free to discuss it with me if you agree or don't (just please be respectful, i'm sensitive akjsjdhdbd)

[imtrying-butimpissed]

This self quarantine is hard and I really miss interacting with people in my life.

Im seriously contemplating giving my friend a call.....

And I hate talking on the phone.

I will blatantly admit my Ed is LOVING this and is thriving. I've been binging daily. But there isnt much I can really do about it, my environment has always had an impact on my ed and until the environment changes, my ed wont change. So i just have to live with the ed behaviors until its time to work on recovery again when life allows it. But i cant stop thinking about food and food delivery. RIP.

What are y'all doing to stay sane?

Ive been working on art, organizing my website and my art instagram. Trying to make more sales lol i have some big art projects to begin but i think im intimidated by them.

Lots of cleaning as my family couldnt care less about the outbreak and im an at risk individual so i have to care for my own safety here. Theres no way I would live through it.

Randomly bleached my hair the other day for funsies. Gonna do it again tomorrow (i have dark hair and i need more bleach to get out the brassy color) might chop it and put in tinsel too because fuck it who the fuck cares.

Trying REALLY hard not to depression shop. I always go crazy with online shopping during depressive episodes and Im really trying to avoid it this time.

Still enjoying The Witcher 3 it helps me calm down and relax and not think about any troubles. Im also chipping my way through the 2016 DOOM but that game is nuts and I really need to be ready to feel the rage and adrenalin when I play. I lean more towards relaxation than aggression. But both feel great.

Every day im on full dog duty, i cook his meals multiple times and prepare his medicine and administer it and i take him outside and i bring him fresh water throughout the day and help him on and off the couch as he is very old. Im so tired but i love him so much. Idk why he is still alive. Maybe he just likes it here.

My mental health is shit these days. And I know i would be safe under a 5150 but now really isnt the time to go to the ER or a facility packed with people. Big yikes. I wish i stayed on my meds cuz my brain is inside out and everything feels awful. Seeing things, hearing things, im paranoid 24/7 im getting nightmares again, everything blows.

At least i have my dog to snuggle and horror movies to binge watch.

[liketbhtho]

shout out to the real mvps who've been mutuals since the dark ages and still hang around despite us having barely anything in common

@kittyginger (fun fact, whenever your url comes up in my notifs I've always read it as "kittygringer" and idk why but it's so deeply ingrained in my mind I literally can't stop)

@anime-yaoilover (I literally have no memories w you but ily man)

@creepypasta-reader (your icon is so iconic if you ever changed it I'd be so confused)

@fumifusa (it's been years my dude, your icon is also fckn iconic pls never change)

@weirdotakuunite (shout out to that one conversation about fckn idk, fairytale I think, we had like YEARS ago)

@butwesaidnohomo (your url mixed w your icon has always, and will always be my favourite, I know it changed from Mr. Troy Bolton but in my heart it's stayed the same)

@built-4-sin (!!!!!!! Idk if we're even still mutuals or if you're even active but I just remember you as being one of the best ciel cosplayers, and hanging out w you during that one con (a taste was it ?? Back in like, 2015/2016 ???) been a while my dude I hope you're having a good time)

@bunkwan (literally haven't talked in years but I miss you man, I hope life is treating you gently 💜💜)

@aackxrman (shout out to when we first met, I literally can't remember if you were alois or nagisa but you were wearing a "free hugs" sign and I remember I was rei and my friend was nagisa and you like came up to us, and I'm glad you did cause you were a super fckn cool person and it's been ages since we've talked, I also hope life has been treating you well)

@brookasaurus (I also miss talking to you !!!! You're make up looks are fckn Iconic™️ and you were literally the sweetest, I hope you're having a good day !!!!!)

@protag-kun (shout out to that fCKN haikyuu panel we were in together, also for fckn introducing me to fire emblem, you are a blessing sir. You were honestly the sweetest and I miss talking to you, I hope everything is working out for you)

@gracetheacefromouterspace (I honestly don't know you that well but your url is one of my faves™️ I love seeing it) (also sidenote somehow I accidentally unfollowed you, and I only realized a few days ago lol sorry m'dude, went and fckn smashes that follow button)

@praythegayway (I think,,,, we had a conversation like once ??? Abt something ????? I literally don't remember lol but I know I've always thought you were p chill, keep living life m'dude)

@iamli-ving (I honestly don't know if we're mutuals or if you're still active but I was going through my followers and your url and blog title are both different puns on your name and honestly #legend)

No one asked for this but I just wanted to let y'all know that I appreciate you and love seeing you on my dash and in my notifs, y'all are the mvps (I was literally about to type "y'all are the reason I'm still on this site but we all know that's not true, there's no way to leave this hellhole willingly, but y'all make it better so thank you)