#2023 has been a good year for quinn so far

[ofhedgehogsandpumpkins]

Hehehehe

I am too powerful

These ones actually fit which is good because we're like 6'4"

Socks by Sock Dreams! Really really good socks!!!

[flightyalrighty]

FIRST | PREVIOUS | NEXT CH 1 PG 36

Infested will return on June 27th. --- Thank you to the following Ascended supporters: @chaogongoozles, @fiiresiidefrfr, @elizard4227, @grogar, Ezzoh, @susivoi, @calculuscacophony, Eros, @ivycorp, @summersdale @borrelia, @mizukiz, @sanicdetails, @combinegrunt-echo-1, Pica, @veeceear, @quackenburt, ItsmeMonarch, @memendoemori, @trans-girl-sonic, & savarsenic

Content Warnings | Store | Ko-Fi (Discord!) | Read On Comic Fury! DISCLAIMER: "Infested" is a horror comic ft. content not suitable for those under the age of 17.

A long-winded looking back on things below the cut:

The first few pages of Infested were uploaded to this blog on March 2nd, 2023 -- Over a whole year ago! I was so busy, too, that I completely missed its birthday (Sorry Infested). Looking even further back than that, the original story was was something I began writing on December 25th, 2022 (Merry Christmas).

It took two years to get to this point.

And hey, not to toot my own horn about it, but completing even one chapter of a webcomic is a big deal. Especially for me. My first webcomic, Fight/Flight, didn't get very far. I completed the prologue, started Chapter 1, and then had to drop it for a number of reasons (I didn't really agree with what baby-me had to say, politically, anymore).

This comic was born from a lot of intense feelings. The story, itself, too. Some good. Some bad.

I had been forced to move away from my hometown, and with that move, I lost the physical connection that I had to all of my friends. I lost the familiarity of a place I'd known for most of my life. I'm now stuck somewhere... Worse. It felt like a cage. Still does. Disconnected from the life I thought I would be living after college. I didn't have health insurance, either -- Got kicked off of it because of the move -- And as a result, I was off my antidepressants.

So there I was, at a pretty low point in my life. I miserable and lonely and every single day dragged on. And on. And on. And I felt so disappointed in myself. That disappointment became self-loathing, and it all kinda spiraled.

Have I mentioned that I'm a huge Sonic fan? I don't think I need to. I'd say it's pretty obvious. But for the sake of this story, I'll say it again: I'm a HUGE Sonic fan. I've been that way since 2003 with Sonic Heroes. The franchise has been in my life for over two decades. I had a monthly mail subscription to Archie's Sonic the Hedgehog. Sonic the Hedgehog was something that I truly loved more than any other piece of media. It brought me endless joy. Until I didn't.

I had dropped Sonic after Lost World was... Itself. I had already felt pretty irritated with the Meta Era, and Lost World was the final straw. The last bit of hope that the series could recover was snuffed out when Forces was released. It was over. I was done. If Sonic was truly that embarrassed by itself, if they had truly lost touch with what made the series so great, then I wouldn't waste my time any longer. I was so sure that I had to just... Grieve and move on. My beloved childhood game series was dead. Long live the king or whatever. I'd just bitterly read IDW Sonic and think about what could've been. I was lucky to have that comic, at least. Archie had been canceled, too, after all. I was lucky to have my scraps.

Then Sonic Frontiers came out. And it changed everything.

And my god, it was everything. It was everything to me. Flaws be damned, it was everything. To. Me. The spectacle. The serious tone. The vastly improved writing. Kellin Fucking Quinn. It was FUN! It was actually FUN to PLAY. He was back. I was back. Sonic pulled me by my hand out of the ocean of misery I'd fallen into, and he looked me in my eye and he said;

"Hey. You're gonna be alright."

Metaphorically speaking. Sonic The Hedgehog didn't actually literally speak to me -- And sure, okay, maybe it's a little dramatic to describe a game as this great Depression Annihilator but I'm dead serious when I say that, for that time, before I was able to get back on my meds, I was self-medicating with Sonic.

Sonic was all I was thinking about. I reread the Unleashed arc in Archie Sonic, which got me sorta realizing something, and which led to my post where I said something along the lines of "Sonic would hide a zombie bite."

Archie Sonic would, at least. Because he basically did do that in the Unleashed arc of that comic. He let that problem fester until it became an even bigger problem because, ironically, he didn't want to be a problem.

So one thing led to another. I thought more about Sonic becoming a zombie. Bada-bing, bada-boom, Infested was born.

I didn't expect it to get the attention that it did. I felt lucky when the first page I drew Rouge on (Page 6 I think?) blew up. The right people saw it at the right time. I'm extremely grateful for that.

I'm extremely grateful for all of you.

So yeah, one chapter. Woo! Here's to many more.

[blackwolfstabs]

The Wolves of Woodsboro - Chapter I

summary:

Tara and Sam have been going to therapy together since the end of Richie’s family. For Tara, things have been difficult, but she’s surprisingly been able to talk about her trauma with their therapist without too much resistance. Sam, on the other hand, has found it very difficult to talk about everything and relive the life she’s been running from for so long, causing her to relapse into the bad habits of her late-teenage years. She holds a dark secret that’s sparked from the murders she’s committed, and it makes the line between her and Billy Loomis blurrier than ever. And when visions of her father and his voice in her head warn of another Ghostface-storm on the horizon, she begins to tie the identifying ribbon of her secret and bloodline into one. She’ll need to work with him to protect her family and uncover the last member of the Kirsch family as the Wolves of Woodsboro.

fandom: Scream

characters: Sam Carpenter, Billy Loomis, Tara Carpenter, Chad Meeks-Martin, Mindy Meeks-Martin, Danny Brackett, Ethan Landry, Richie Kirsch, Quinn Bailey, Wayne Bailey, Kirby Reed, Gale Weathers, Nancy Loomis

SPEED

characters: Sam Carpenter, Tara Carpenter, Mindy Meeks-Martin, & Danny Brackett

Samantha Carpenter had always been hung up on speed.

Always on the run. Running towards something, running away from something. She had always been unpredictable. She was mysterious to many and a misunderstood criminal to most. A stray dog, a wild horse, a feral cat, a savage wolf. 

Like a wolf, she was strong and loyal. Like a wolf, she was judged and territorial. Like a wolf, she was reserved and distant. Very distant, and in more ways than just being the daughter of the legendary wolf that had started the endless franchise of killings in a Ghostface mask: Billy Loomis.

She was different. Her father promised her that title. And he given her something more. Something that hadn’t awoken inside of her until she held his murder weapon in her hands and wore his mask over her face.

“Murder’s in your blood.” Wayne Bailey, Richie Kirsch’s father, told had her.

“Your birthright.” He had said.

And he was right.

She was Samantha Loomis. 

She was a wolf . 

It had been 6 months since the Kirsch family had been sent to their graves, and a lot had happened. Moving on and holding on. It was different for all of the survivors. Sam, Tara, Chad, Mindy, and Danny abandoned their split apartments to come together under one roof in the suburbs. It was a small, one-story house, surrounded mostly by larger, newly built homes, but it was good enough for them. Furthermore, the three younger survivors had continued going to college, and like they had promised each other, the Carpenter sisters had been attending weekly therapy sessions together. The therapist they had been going to was the best they had met so far. She was understanding, low-key, and didn’t project herself as a know-it-all, just-there-to-get-paid counselor. This made it fair to talk to her.

Well… for Tara at least. 

For someone who wasn’t used to opening-up to a stranger about her past, trauma, and scars, the younger sister was able to communicate herself fairly well a few sessions in. She was skeptical, but she had made a promise and she intended to keep it. Not to mention, her well-being needed to be secured in order for her to live the rest of her life. 

After all, survivors didn’t run from their past, they outran it towards something better.

On the contrary, Sam was the opposite, which was surprising, since she had been the one consistent with trying to receive help before the 2023 Ghostface attacks had happened. Ever since she killed Richie’s father and sister, she hadn’t been the same. She hadn’t felt the same. Her aggression had grown along with her temper. She had become very territorial and instinctive. And she had been fighting in a tailspin with her Loomis-bloodline. It had taken her a while to figure out what these differences were from, but when her guttural feelings betrayed her insides to reveal themselves, she had learned quickly.

She was a wolf. Not symbolically, like anyone would assume, but a shapeshifter. Triggered by emotions, her form would change from a human to a wild animal, and no one knew. The visions of her father occurred more frequently, and she heard his voice often. He was a shifter, too, but he couldn’t tell if he had passed down that gene to her until it happened.

He explained that it was a mutation in her Loomis DNA, an awakening that bloomed when a trauma so severe affects the host to the point where murder feels right, and the killer instincts surge. Wolves were raised to hunt, defend, and kill, and that’s what she was good at. 

Together, they were the Wolves of Woodsboro.

But she had kept it a secret from everyone. She was still trying to get a handle on it, hence why she shut down during therapy. She was indifferent, easily angered, and extremely defensive when she would be accused of trying to protect herself from vulnerability. Tara would even jump her from time-to-time, saying how they promised to do this together, but now she seemed to want no part of it. She didn’t understand it, and if she were honest, Sam couldn’t either. She was afraid of hurting Tara. She had hurt her too many times before. And she didn’t trust herself to let her sister and the rest of their household know. 

These new, unruly instincts and behaviors were messing with her mind, hormones, and personality. It was like she was going through puberty again. She couldn’t seem to control certain things, and as a result, would run off at night and get into any trouble it brought her to.

That was when the wolf inside of her ran wild. All of the emotions she held back would rush to the surface, and her father’s voice would yell at her the whole way. She would run until her chest hurt so bad, she thought she was going to have a heart attack. She would chase prey until her eyes burned from being so fixated. She would kill again and again, until her muzzle and paws were soaked and matted with blood. And when she tore the meat and broke the bones, she’d eat until she was so full, she’d throw it all up. Just to get the energy out. Just to feel something more than anger, paranoia, and the distressing loss of control.

And then, she’d go to the lake and wash herself off, drink away the metallic taste of blood and vomit, and then go home. By that time, it’d typically be between 2:30 and 3:00 in the morning. 

Danny waited for her every time she left. He never pushed her to tell him where she went or what she did, just asked if she was okay. She’d nod and say she was fine, but she knew that he knew better. She was exhausted, and he could see it in her eyes. She was queasy, and he could see it in her complexion. She was lost, and he could feel it in her kiss.

But he never pushed, and she never told. That was the way it was. 

At least until a week ago… when it got worse.

There was a new darkness on the horizon. Nothing unpredictable, nonetheless, but just as haunting as the last two times it had occurred. 

Ethan Kirsch was still alive and out for revenge against the two that ended his siblings and father. Billy had warned his daughter the moment the surviving murderer began his hunt. Every time she saw her reflection, he was there. Every time she was alone, he was there. As much as she knew he was trying to help her, she didn’t care. She didn’t want or need his help. Not when he was constantly whispering in her ear and grooming her into another version of himself. She was born a mess, so there wasn’t anything she could do to change her DNA. Sure, he had helped her with killing those who endangered her family previously, but he had quite the insulting way doing it. 

It was bold and upfront. Frustrating and intoxicating. Making her feed into the side she never wanted to be. She hated being told that deep-down, killing excited her, because she didn’t want to believe that was true. But it was…

She didn’t ask for any of this. However, no one would ever see it that way, other than the four people that she lived with.

Now, they were in danger again. This was where their progress with moving on got caught up in ropes. This was where their “ happy ending ” ended. This was where she relapsed into a hellhound with a relentless drive for speed. To hunt, to chase, to maul. She hadn’t told the rest that Ethan was alive, because her father had told her that he was taking a different approach. He wouldn’t go public with murders or attack those who were connected. That would just end up in another game of strategy. He would simply attack. 

He only had two targets. And those were the ones he would strike.

For this, Samantha planned to beat him at his own game. He couldn’t win if she found him first. And that was exactly what she planned to do.

“ Sam ,” Tara let herself into the garage to meet her sister, who was busy putting laundry in the washer. 

Her voice snapped the older sibling out of her daze that she always got in whenever she was alone. She glanced over.

“We’re putting dinner up,” she informed, “Are you gonna eat or not?”

Sam shook her head. “No, I’m good.” She shut the lid to the washer and slid the detergent cap back on the bottle. She could feel the tension between them rise instantly as she moved to put it back where it belonged, dreading to turn around and face that same frustrated glare that she had grown used to for weeks.

“This is the third night in a row that you haven’t eaten dinner,” Tara spat as she faced her. She moved all the way inside to have the screen door shut, blocking the exit to make sure she didn’t just walk out on her. But when her sister just gave a small shrug, she pleaded. “Sam, what’s wrong? I mean, I get that you’ve been having a hard time with this whole therapy thing and trying to move on, whatever, but it’s more than that. I know it is.” 

The she-wolf stared at her, her jaw tightening as she shifted her weight. Nightfall was when her anxiety, paranoia, duality, and psychotic symptoms triggered, so her appetite eluded her. Of course, she could force herself to eat, but making herself sick wouldn’t do any good when around the others.

“You’re not you anymore.”

This cut her like a knife, making her indifference vanish into a wave of emotion that took her by surprise as it threatened tears to flood her eyes. She wanted to tell her. Tell her everything that had happened since. Tell her why she was different, because she knew waiting on it would only turn out bad, like it did when she revealed the truth about their family. But every time she was tempted like this, a rugged voice hissed into her ear.

‘ “Don’t say a word.” ’

So she was forced to push it aside and excuse herself from the idea. “Not now, Tara,” she replied, refusing to meet the younger’s eyes as she tried to walk around her to exit. But her sibling’s hand clutched the door handle to hold it shut.

“Then, when? ” she demanded. “Huh? When are you going to tell me?” Tara’s eyes became darker than the shadows of the night, harder than the stone wall she was trying to break, and clearer than the indigo sky. “That’s been your answer every single time, one of us has tried to talk to you. You remember the last time you held a secret from me? How that worked out for you?” Her tone deepened into a growl as she found the older’s eyes, “Don’t make that mistake again.”

The more she talked, the worst Samantha felt. Because she knew it was true. Because she knew it was toxic. Because she knew she was repeating everything she had promised not to. As much as the Ghostface killings had taught her, she could never overcome the fear she had of herself. It was so twisted and confusing, relentless and exhausting. Yet, she couldn’t stop. She didn’t know how to. Her voice came out almost hoarse, quiet with the emotion and hatred she had towards this situation. “I’m sorry… I’m fine,” she lied.

This made Tara hot. “Don’t you fucking lie to me,” she growled. “You can pull that crap with everyone else in the house, but you can’t fool me, Sam.” She didn’t bother to hold back anymore as she let her anger raise her tone. “At the beginning of all this, you begged me over and over to go see a therapist and now, all of the sudden, you act like you’re not into it! I said we’d get through all of this shit together, and I meant it! But lately, I think I’ve been on my own… Because you’re never around anymore.” She knew her words were harsh, but nothing was changing. Someone had to confront her at some point. “You said you were never going to leave me again. Did your word mean nothing to you?”

And just like that, her older sister went from feeling guilty to defensive. Her blood boiled at that accusation. She glared at her. “Don’t you dare throw that in my face!” It was like a switch. “That shit isn’t the only thing I’ve been dealing with! Forgive me for wanting to keep you out of my drama that seems to get in your way so much—”

“You haven’t dealt with anything, that’s the problem!” Tara shouted at her. “I-I mean, we go to therapy and— and you just shut down. You don’t even try at all. I get that you have your own issues, okay, I got that, but I didn’t do this just for me… I’m doing it for you too.” 

A deep growl stirred in the other’s throat. Her spine pricked, and her muscles contracted with the onset of needing to phase. She saw red, tired of everything and everyone, and it didn’t make it any better when her father’s voice purred again.

‘ “Time to go, Sam. You’ve gotta let it out.” ’

“Just drop it,” she warned and pushed her way past and out into the open air. She heard the screen door slam shut and footsteps follow her down the driveway.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Her younger sister had one hell of a mouth on her that she had no reins on, especially when it came to her. “So, that’s the way it is, you’re just gonna run off like you always do?!”

“I don’t expect you to understand!” Sam replied, without looking back.

“I don’t have to! I just want to know what’s going on!”

‘ “Hold it in.” ’

“It’s none of your business!” It was so fucking hard. Her voice was already changing.

“Bullshit! I have a right to know as your family! Your sister! ”

“Tara, please!”

“Is it your father? Is he the one doing this to you?!”

Sam’s whole body was tense as she made it to the double-gate that guarded the front yard from the backyard.

‘ “If you don’t want her to know, get the fuck out of there right now.” ’

She turned around to face her sibling, who stopped a few yards away. “I learned to trust you, Tara,” her voice was dangerously low, corrupted with a venomous streak that made the other go silent. “I got off of your back, so get the fuck off mine .”

Tara didn’t say anything, at a loss for words at the aggression of that warning that was easily a threat. She was offended, for sure, but she had never spoken to her that way before. 

The evening breeze filled the brief moment of silence, before the wolf-shifter jumped the gate and disappeared into the night, leaving her sister alone in the half-light.

Her jaw shifted in disbelief as she stood there. “Wow,” she sarcastically nodded. If Sam thought keeping her in the dark, after everything they had been through together, was fair, she was wrong. Very wrong. She wasn’t asking for much, just for an answer. It didn’t have to be the ins-and-outs, it didn’t have to be deep, just something other than lies and deflections. Something that she could piece together. But she got nothing. Her sister was on thin ice, and her patience was getting there with this too. 

She scoffed, rolling her eyes as she stepped back to retreat to the back door, “Okay.” 

Her temper was still sharp when she ducked into the warm lighting of the living room, her hard gaze scanning the area for a single being.

“Everything okay?” From the couch, Mindy blinked at her. She had overheard the indistinct argument from inside the house—over the television—and she could tell by the look of the youngest’s face that it hadn’t ended well. “You two sounded like you were going to kill each other out there.”

“Where’s Danny?” the teen demanded, ignoring any questions and only focused on answers she was still looking for. She would find something , even if she had to wait all night until Sam returned to get it. Not that she expected her boyfriend to know, because she, as her blood, couldn’t even be trusted enough.

Mindy, while normally very inquisitive, had sensed something in her that told her to refrain from prying. So, she pointed to the room beside the fireplace that the two oldest household members shared, “In there.”

Tara slammed the back door shut and stormed in the direction she was pointed in, hearing the female twin call out behind her.

“Danny! Tara’s comin’ in hot!”

She entered the bedroom, immediately finding the male’s gaze as he looked over from the right side of the bed. As angry as she was, she knew it wasn’t his fault, so she would have to bite her tongue to avoid putting blame on those who didn’t deserve it. But Mindy couldn’t have said it better… She was hot . “Can I talk to you?” She couldn’t promise she wouldn’t lose it.

While this was a question, it came out like a demand, but Danny knew it was only a matter of time before she came to him directly, due to his relationship with her sister. He knew exactly what this was about. So, he wasn’t surprised or phased, just nodded, “Sure.” He set the towel he was folding down, muted the small TV mounted on the wall, and moved away from the bedside to listen to what she had to say.

Tara gently kicked the door closed to give some privacy, before stepping up to close the distance between them. “Does Sam talk to you at all? About… anything that’s been going on with her, since what happened 6 months ago?” She struggled to hold back her frustration, throwing her arm out and letting it fall against her thigh as she emphasized ‘ anything ’.

The other was as composed as ever as he shook his head. “Not lately. She talked to me once, but she didn’t say much, and I didn’t push her.” He could see her jaw shift behind tight lips, which led him to try to explain further, “Our relationship is different than the one she has with you—”

“ You’re a pushover ,” the younger cut him off aggressively, earning surprised silence that made her continue. “Sam is someone that needs to be pushed to open-up, because she can’t willingly do it herself. I’m younger than her, so she’s been hard-wired to keep shit from me, but, as an equal, you have the right to know what’s going on with her; especially if this relationship between you two is going to last.” She wasn’t even thinking about what she was saying before she said it, the words rolling off her tongue like second-nature. “She’s damaging every single relationship she has with the people in this house, the ones who care about her the most, and she’s having help doing it.” At this point, she had stopped blinking, staring at him like she had only stared at one other person: her sister. It was anger that masked desperation, because what she wanted was something that couldn’t be achieved by her hand.

Brackett stayed silent for a long time. As little respect as she had just shown for him, not only as a superior, but as a member of the household, he didn’t shout at her or show his offense. He simply stayed calm and listened to her… Because that’s what he had learned to do from knowing Samantha. Tara thought he didn’t know enough about her sister, but he knew more than she thought he knew. From the day they met, he had studied her. Her likes, her dislikes, her mannerisms, her habits… There were countless nights that he had listened to her talk or vent. There were other nights he helped her take her mind off of her pain, fears, and inescapable toxicity. He had felt every scar that stained her body for himself, because she allowed him to. She didn’t sleep with him for no reason, other than to be reckless with her sexual availability. 

Yes, she was reserved, and too much for her own good, at that. 

Yes, he had the ability to break her down, if he chose to do so. 

Yes, he technically was helping her sabotage herself, because she’s terrified of the dark potential inside of her that she can’t decide is an advantage or not. 

But he trusted her. 

He trusted her, because he knew where she had been and how she had handled it. He trusted her to trust him when she was ready, because he knew trust needed to be earned. He trusted her to make the decisions she believed was right for herself and the family she had vowed to protect. 

And for these reasons, he respected her privacy. He knew there was something bothering her. He knew it was driving her crazy and that’s why she wouldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and stayed out late at night. And so, that’s what he needed to tell Tara.

“I get what you’re saying,” he finally began, his gaze having fallen to the carpet while processing everything she had thrown at him. He raised his eyes again to meet her, “But, Tara, you have to understand that, mentally, your sister doesn’t know what the right decision is to make. She never has. Her father is a murderer that is so well-known, her connection to him has forced her to live in a world of a thousand enemies. When she runs from it, it debilitates her. When she faces it, it haunts her. It doesn’t matter how much myself, or you, or anyone else tries to get it through her head. It is up to her on what she wants to share and when she wants to share it.”

“Okay, I understand that, but why can’t she trust us?! I figure after everything we’ve been through, she could. Like, why… Why is it so hard for her to just be honest?” Carpenter’s anger had run its course for the night. She’d blame it on her homework and the late nights, but the truth was she just wanted her only sister to confide in her so badly. It hurt her to not feel like she was capable of helping her in a critical period. She had willingly let Sam be a part of her life—she wanted her to be—she literally told her that…

Why couldn’t she be a part of hers?

And Danny had an answer to that. “Because she’s scared to be honest with herself,” he told her. “She still hasn’t accepted herself. She’s gotten close, but she can’t give in to what she might become. Not yet. And if she can’t be honest with herself, then how is she supposed to be honest with anyone else?”

Tara just blinked at him, her expression almost blank as she couldn’t seem to evoke enough understanding to outrule what she believed was more imperative to her sibling’s well-being. “She needs the ability to see herself as herself and not Billy Loomis. And right now, she doesn’t have that. But we sure-as-hell do. She’s not a psycho, she’s my sister. She’s not a criminal, she’s your girlfriend. She’s not a murderer, she’s our family. ” Her brow hardened, and her tone deepened a little as her words became imperative and emphatic. “If it’s help she needs, we’ve got it.”

He agreed with her, knowing good and well they had just made it to the same page. However, he also knew that with how fast Samantha seemed to be progressing through this phase she was experiencing, chances were that ‘ help ’ went into the wrong hands. 

There was only one other person that was around her as much as they were, if not more. 

Only one other person could call themselves her family . 

Only one other person she feared more than herself…

Her biological father.

“I think someone else beat us to it.”

TAGLIST: (gonna start one for this story bc i know a few people who are interested)

@alphawolfstabs @fantasylandbitch @bowergirlwitch let me know if you'd like to be tagged for updates on this fic!

All my best! 🩶

- parker (BWS)

[equallyshaw]

(i might do a blurb on his pov during those lost years)

YES!! i love seeing other povs!!

this takes place during 2018 christmas, june 2019 & summer 2023!

warnings: swearing! jack being immature lmao

send in more thoughts pls!!

everything that kailey did, annoyed the absolute crap out of jack. luke nor quinn had ever understood why, and jack never wanted to explain why. this christmas in particular was difficult, and missing a cherished member of the hughes family. kailey had been having a difficult time in highschool thus far, her sophomore year with luke. she decided that she was gonna fly up to upstate new york, to get away and be in a different environment. and truth be told, while she was dealing with bullies at school she was also dealing with a bully at home, and could never escape them.

☆

christmas 2018-

it was the day before christmas eve, and quinn had just flown in while kailey was flying out. he got into jims car and he could sense that something was wrong or off, "whats going on dad?" he questioned, nervous that it had to do with kailey. and he was right. "kails went to go visit my folks in upstate new york. she'll be back on the 2nd." he said and quinns eyebrows crinkled. "she's- she's having a really hard time at school and we already know that jack isn't helping. id rather ship him off if he didn't have practice." jim muttered and quinn sighed. "what is wrong with him? I've already spoken to him a lot this summer and he still isn't getting it." quinn said pulling out his phone to text kailey, "you're mom has about had it." jim said getting onto the expressway.

_

as soon as quinn walked in, he quickly went to go find jack who was with luke downstairs. "what the hell is wrong with you?!" quinn asked turning the tv off. "hey!" both younger brothers exclaimed, and quinn shook his head. "what is wrong with you jack, huh? why do you keep driving kails away!" quinn demanded but jack rolled his eyes, standing up. "no!" quinn said pushing him back on the couch, "tell me right now why our baby sister had to fucking flee because of you!" quinn exasperated, while luke stayed silent. luke knew exactly why.

jack shook his head, "do you not realize how bad it is at school? do you not realize the amount of bullying she gets, for you to only add to it here? what is supposed to be her safe place, is not!" quinn fumed and jack sighed. "if you don't say, i know luke will tell me exactly what i need to know. im giving you a chance to come clean." quinn said standing his ground. jack was silent, "what is it?!" quinn screamed one last time.

jack sighed once more, "its always about her, kailey this kailey that, when is it my turn?" he questioned and by the look on quinns face, you thought he was about to kill his brother. "seriously? you're jealous of your sister? you're jealous of somebody who doesn't play hockey, doesn't skate, plays her own sports and gets bullied? you're jealous of your sister who does whatever she can to blend in? are you stupid?" quinn said angrily. luke rolled his eyes, "he's just upset because mom and dad make sure that they are there for everything of hers. he's upset that she has more freedom, and gets the most support out of the two of us." luke butted in and jack glared at him. "you're an idiot, an absolute buffoon jack. last time i checked, you chose this. you chose to play hockey." quinn said shaking his head. "you are the reason why you guys moved here. she may be upset at that fact, but she's moved on from it. you give her so many reasons to not like you - but shes a better person because she still wants to do right by you. she wants to prove to you that she can be a good sister. do you not realize how much shit she puts up with from you, because she wants you to be her friend at the end of the day? and don't deny it, but i heard about the 'she's literally just a roommate' comment to the boys." quinn finished, before looking at luke. "i expect more from you luke, i expect you to stand up more to this idiot." he finished before walking upstairs to find his mom. he had a plane to catch to new york.

☆

june 2019- nhl draft.

kailey wanted to be anywhere but here. yet, her parents and quinn had convinced her to come to vancouver with the family. kailey would do everything in her power, to not stand out because she couldn't step out of line or else jack would throw a fit. it had been hard the past few months, but she kept assuring herself that she wouldn't have to put up with him for much longer. ellen pulled her daughter into a hug the morning of the draft, as kailey began to sob. kailey had been experiencing anxiety attacks for a while at that point and only her and luke knew about them. this morning she woke up in a panic, as soon as the alarm went off. she called her mom in a panic, from the next room door and she quickly rushed over. "i - i cant do it, i cant i wont i wont." she sobbed into her mom's chest. ellen rubbed her hand over her daughter's back, holding on as tightly as she could. but she knew that if she didn't give jack the attention is so craved, she'd also never hear the end of that. "i cant mom, i cant!" she exasperated, pulling away and sitting down on the bed. ellen sat down across from her on the extra bed, waiting for her daughter to say something. "im sorry, i cant do it. i cant support somebody that tears me down every chance he gets. i literally breathe and he finds an issue with it. im over it, im not making my self physically sick anymore." she said beginning to cry again. ellen and jim could never say or do enough to get him to stop, and none of the boys would say why exactly he had done what he'd done. they'd had it with him, taking away things and grounding him but none of it did a damn thing.

ellen had a sneaky suspicion of what it was, but would not hear the truth for awhile longer.

the family had just finished getting ready and were in jack's suite, filming as well. kailey on the other hand was in her bathroom, sitting on the tile floor puking her guts out. she had made herself so physically ill the whole day, and this was the only way for her body to dismiss it. quinn knocked on the door with luke before walking in, and realized that the room was empty. luke knocked on the door, and he quickly whipped it open when he heard gagging. "oh my god!" he said kneeling down in front of her, pulling her hair back as she puked. she sat back against the bath tub and the boys took in how hollow her eyes were. her skin pale, and exhaustion plagued her features. "whats going on?" luke asked pulling her against his chest. she shrugged, as quinn texted their mom. her eyes began to refill with tears, as luke pulled her in as close as possible. "i cant go. i wont allow myself to." she whispered for only luke to hear. "he doesn't deserve my support, anymore. i cant support somebody who doesn't love me or even like me." she said louder and quinn picked it up. he left the bathroom and room, and headed over to the suit that his parents and jack were in. as soon as he walked in jack smirked, "wheres the drama queen?" he mused, making sure his tie looked good. "she's sick." was all quinn said leaning against the wall next to ellen. ellen looked over at him, and she could tell what she was exactly sick with. "sick? i doubt that. she just needs the attention on her." jack said cockily, and quinn could kill him right there he thought. or, one chance to take a swing at him. "lukes with her?" ellen questioned, and quinn nodded. ellen walked out of the suite and walked over towards kaileys.

luke wiped kaileys tears, and smoothed down her wavy hair with his other hand. she had finally reached the end of her effort, she didn't have it in her to support the brother who always thought of her as less than. her personal bully had won, and was getting rewarded for it that day.

☆

spring 2023- may

quinn looked over at jack, who was busy typing away on his phone. quinn had just gotten back from brunch with kailey in detroit, and he was relieved to see how kailey was doing after her sophomore year of college. she had just gotten back from study abroad and had absolutely adored her time there. she had also spoken about how she was thinking about doing a semester at sea but wasn't exactly thrilled about the cost. but quinn wouldn't hear it, he was gonna make his baby sister as happy as he could, and make up for the lost years.

"listen, youre gonna help me do something for kails." quinn announced, without giving jack a choice. jack looked up from his phone, and gave him a 'wtf' look. "yeah right." jack said, returning to his phone. "no! you're gonna do this with me asshole. you are gonna make up for the lost years. you are gonna do right by kails, and you're gonna do this with me. she deserves to be happy, you didn't see how happy she was today. i haven't seen that big of a smile since we lived in canada man. i haven't see her so content. and you are not gonna fuck this up." quinn explained, and jack set his phone down while sitting up.

"why would i help her? last time i checked she doesn't speak to me or support me." he said like it was obvious. quinn rolled his eyes, "if you weren't so thick in the skull you'd realize just how much she supports you and how much she wants you to be happy. y'know she keeps up with all your stats, and watched games with luke this season. she asks me and luke all the time how you're doing, and whats going on with your life. maybe if you'd give her the time of day, she'd open up to you and she'd show you how much she loves you. these past three years away from you has given her perspective and grace, and you don't deserve any grace. but that's who she is, always looking for the benefit of the doubt and ever the optimistic person." quinn paused, "you're gonna be a nice brother and play the part, and you're gonna do this with me." quinn said not taking no for an answer. "she has no idea that were doing this, so don't give me the "shes gonna expect more of this." but you know deep down that she isn't that person. mom and dad didn't raise her to be that way, so wipe that thought." quinn said with intuition, knowing what was going on in jack's mind.

jack sighed, "what is it for?" and quinn smiled. "semester at sea. she wants to go to europe and asia, for the spring semester. we still have time to pay for it. she got accepted but was gonna decline when she saw the final amount after scholarships and financial aid, etc." quinn said pulling up the email he got from ellen. after he left brunch, he headed over to his parent's house to talk to them. they were more than elated that quinn wanted to do this for her because let's be honest. she deserves the absolute world.

_

a week later.

"quinn?" kailey called out after stepping into her parents house. she had received a text from quinn if she could meet her there, that afternoon. what she did not expect, was to see jack there with quinn. they two were in the living room, hanging out with everybody. "hey sweetie, come here!" ellen said patting the spot next to her. kailey eyed jack, as she walked over to the couch. he hadn't seen her in three years almost, and she had changed. changed for the better of course. "yes?" she questioned as the family looked at quinn and jack with smiles. "we wanted to do something for you, kails." quinn began. "think of it as a token of our brotherly love." jack said and quinn elbowed him, "you're in on this?" she questioned jack. jack swallowed hard and nodded, "umm." she said not sure how to respond. "here." quinn said standing up and handing her the envelope. it was a confirmation slip for the semester at sea and a flight to europe for docking. she took the envelope, and opened it up slowly. she saw the ticket before the confirmation slip, "oh my god? oh my god!" she said standing up and freaking out. her eyes filled with tears of gratitude, and hugged quinn. "thankyou thankyou thankyou." she said into quinns chest, and the family only laughed in response. "oh my god, i could cry." she said pulling back and looking up at her brother. "don't cry kails, it isn't necessary." he said and she shook her head. "ill repay you guys i promise! it might take awhile after graduation, but ill get there!" she said looking between jack and quinn, but they shook their head. "no! you arent repaying us a dime. we want to do it for you, we have the ability to so you don't need to worry." jack finally spoke up. worry was her middle name when it came to jackson.

"dont worry blondie, you deserve the opportunity to go, so you're going." quinn added and kailey frowned. "alright." she said softly before luke stood up and wrapped his arms around his sister. "you're gonna have to text me every day, send me all the pictures in the world. im gonna have huge fomo." luke mused and quinn second that. "come here." quinn said wrapping his arms around the other side of the girl, and she felt the weight of them. "god ii swear to god if you make me fall over." she said as the two boys laughed. quinn waved jack over, and jack fought with himself. he didn't know what to do. "get over here princess." kailey announced, and jack sighed standing up.

ellen snapped a quick picture of the four's group hug. ellen and jim looked at one another thinking the same thing, they hoped that this was the beginning of a new chapter between kailey and jack. and hoped that jack wouldn't screw it up.

hope you enjoyed!!!

also quinn and luke to the rescue 🥺

[stromer]

how do you want the draft to go??

overwhelming response (two people in total) to my previous post :p so here are my dope takes that i wish the NHL would take seriously regarding the 2023 draft:

i do not take actual draft order into consideration for like any of these... because ch*cago ruined my life and draft order attempted to ruin idgaf war hero jeichel's life SO!!

bedard to the ducks

i think it's pretty obvious this was the spot i wanted bedsy to land. the whole OC boy experience was something i was rooting so hard for. he needed to discover the healing powers of a double double animal style clowning on zegras. like i've said before, his horror filled eyes would only get worse with one trip on the I5.. and i think it would've made him an even better hockey player somehow 🧪

he REALLY needed to be a canuck. common fact. but those freaks fucked around and found out horrifically. at least they played meaningful hockey when it was supposed to be MEANINGLESS. thank you very much to those orcas. you just lost connor bedard cuz anti-tank kuzmenko had bananas to eat. and quinn. that freak

2. leo carlsson to the sharks

in a perfect world, leo carlsson will never know the saw trap under construction that is Ohio. and the fact that he even knows where it is on the map is already too much for me to bear. if my lovely sharks had actually committed to a really good tank... i would’ve bought a jersey. i will use the power of my delusion to ensure this DOES happen actually. that's a guarantee cuz don't i deserve to be happy?? give me another swede MIKE!!! you keep taking ekky away from me, u capital L Loser so give me another one

in another universe i think leo to philly would be fucking bonkers level big brain 🧠 i only say this cuz i think he needs to hangout with joel farabee IMMEDIATELY. i found leo's tiktok and he's on there being so fucking silly goofy lipsyncing to GUNNA??? hooping to Lil baby??? even hit the griddy?? new era of orange and maybe leo should be there

3. adam fantilli to the HABS

this choice was mainly inspired by this comment adam left on cole's instagram and it got me THINKING. known jhughes fan boy adam fantilli has been going to work getting in with the NTDP boys and i think this is a solid choice somehow. can't really elaborate more on this, just a feeling i'm feeling.

again, in a world where jackets didn't commit to the bit of being so completely morbid awful nasty gross, adam going there so he wasn't too far away from his other half luca would've been good with me. the umichification of OHIO.. c'mon 〽️

and of course the reality of the great chances he's a future duck hasn't been lost on me. i think he's going to be a great addition to the canadian heist that will force zegras into more team canada jerseys.

plus he hit a matthews celly once. and i think that means he goes somewhere where it would be eaten up

4. will smith to buffalo

with a name like will smith he's got to go somewhere that i KNOW bitches will serenade him with the fresh prince of bel air theme song (like he assumedly has been all his life) and what better place to do this than the sabres. a team for silly goofy guys is where i think will smith and his NTDP taught silliness could thrive. also the athletic clowned on him for not being able to skate like jhughes despite being the n.1 center in the NTDP this year. whiteboy hockey looks can haunt you apparently .but my son you will go to a place where it doesn't matter because the vibes are too strong. cuz i said so

however, streets are saying he might be coming to the sharks. no surprise considering will is a future boston college student athlete and mike grier starts acting up anytime someone with BOSTON connections is in his sights. like a rabid dog with no self control. so, maybe bordy will be in contact with smith soon via insta DM?? and maybe i wouldn't be mad about it

anyway... all of these boys are haunted regardless of where they get drafted because they got invited to vegas to watch stanley cup final game 2.. and we all know that was a monstrosity so. Permanently scarred pre draft, here's how i would've saved them.

THE END!

[forabeatofadrum]

Ljubim te (9/24)

Notes: Happy 2023! How is the new year treating everyone? Here it’s so far so good.

I am still writing the later chapters of this fic, but chapter 9 came to me in a dream! Well, not really. But it’s here! Thanks for sticking around.

AO3 | S&C  

–  

VALUE

Kurt’s in Blaine’s kitchen, in his underwear, making scrambled eggs. Kurt stayed over, since the rain wouldn’t stop and by the time they’d finished the fourth movie, they decided that it’d be better for Kurt to stay. So they ordered food and Blaine gave him a pillow and a blanket for the couch.

So when Blaine woke up and walked out of his room, the sight of Kurt in his underwear greeted him. Well, okay, Kurt’s wearing a t-shirt as well, since Blaine gave him one. Blaine already knows what he looks like underneath, since he stripped yesterday.

Kurt’s currently wearing Blaine’s t-shirt and Blaine cannot stop looking at him. It looks good on him, even though it doesn’t really fit. Blaine should probably get Kurt’s clothes. They’re dry by now. The longer Kurt walks around like this, the more distracted Blaine gets.

Huh.

Blaine tilts his head. He really hasn’t stopped looking at Kurt. But can you blame him? Kurt is incredibly handsome.

Oh.

Blaine realises what is going on.

He’s jealous.

Of course he’s jealous of Kurt’s looks. What man wouldn’t be jealous of that flawless skin and the somewhat muscular arms (does Kurt work out?) and the long legs. Blaine frowns. It’s been a while since he had self-esteem issues like this. In high school, he was in an all boys’ school, so it was hard to ignore that a lot of guys were good looking and it always made Blaine somewhat uncomfortable.

Blaine pushes his uncomfortable feelings away, because Kurt’s made breakfast and he deserves the attention. They talk about the storm and about the movie, but they get interrupted by Kurt’s phone.

Kurt looks at the screen.

“Sunil is asking if I’m awake and if I want breakfast.”

Right. Sunil. Fuck, Blaine feels the discomfort about that as well.

“Lemme tell him I crashed at your place,” Kurt taps the screen and Blaine decides to get over his messy thoughts and be supportive.

“Uh, you and Sunil would make a nice couple.”

Kurt glances at Blaine.

“What?”

“I mean, it’s okay if you are!”

“Thanks?”

Blaine is totally fucking this up.

“We’re not dating,” Kurt says, “Just because I’m gay and he’s pan doesn’t mean we’re dating. Besides, I think I like someone else.”

“Right. Sorry. I didn’t want to assume. It’s true you can also have breakfast with friends.”

“Like this.”

“Yes. Like this.”

--

After breakfast, Blaine practically throws Kurt’s clothes at him.

“I’ll just get changed in my room,” he says.

Once he’s in front of his wardrobe, he doesn’t know what to do. Kurt likes his outfits. He said it during their trip to Koper and Piran and ever since then Blaine has been putting more thought in his outfits.

In the end he decides on a navy blazer, some dark jeans and a green bowtie. Kurt compliments him when he gets out of the room. Great! Together they leave the apartment. Kurt’s on his way to class and Blaine has a meeting to attend.

“Thanks again for letting me crash,” Kurt says when they part ways and they hug. It’s nice.

--

“Can I ask you something?”

“Always.”

Blaine lies on his couch with the phone at his ear. He takes a breath.

“Do you think I’m handsome?”

“Blaine, you’re my boyfriend! Of course I think you’re handsome!” Quinn answers with a laugh, “What’s brought this on?”

Blaine wraps his free arm around himself.

“Remember that I told you that I used to be a bit insecure at Dalton?”

“… Yes.”

Blaine bites his lips and even though he’s alone, his eyes dart around the room. Eventually, he tells Quinn everything. She’s his confidant, after all. He tells her how handsome Kurt is and how he can’t stop looking at him, because his mind is constantly comparing himself to Kurt.

“But you should see him, Quinnie!” Blaine continues, “No man should look that handsome! And his body! Should I work out more?”

“You have a nice body, Blaine. You should value your body, you only have one!”

“Yeah, but Kurt’s nicer! His chest, Quinn! His chest!”

“Have you seen him shirtless?”

“Yes!”

Blaine quickly explains what has led to this. Quinn hums in understanding and she tells him that he’s a good friend. Blaine hopes he is. He did make it somewhat awkward this morning by bringing up Sunil.

“But Blaine, you look great. Even if you don’t look like Kurt,” Quinn reassures him, “It’s hard to believe it, but Denise actually told me about something new the other day.”

“Denise?”

“Oh, that’s senator Jackson-Smith’s daughter’s first name.”

“She’s still in LA?”

“Yes, we’ve been hanging out and today we talked about this thing called body neutrality!”

Blaine sits back on his couch and he listens to Quinn explain this entire concept. He comments every now and then and he makes affirming noises. It does sound interesting and Denise has the right idea. He doesn’t know if it will work, though. He wants to believe in it, but then he thinks about Kurt in his underpants and t-shirt, or Kurt without the t-shirt and that’s not an image that will leave is brain any time soon.

He feels restless, so he gets up from the couch to pace around. Quinn’s voice is still in his ear. She’s talking more about Denise now and Blaine’s happy to gradually change subjects.

Maybe he shouldn’t have let Kurt stay over. That started the whole thing.

“Blaine? Blaine! Are you still listening?”

Blaine blinks a couple of times.

“Huh. Yes.”

“Liar,” Quinn says, but Blaine can hear the joking tone in her voice. He smiles. “It’s late at yours. We can talk some more tomorrow.”

Blaine agrees. They say their goodbyes, and goodnights in Blaine’s case. Blaine needs an evening to himself. He might brew a nice pot of tea and curl up on the couch underneath a fluffy blanket so that he can read. He bought some new books from Mladinska knjiga and he’s been waiting for the right time.

Yes. This is a great idea. Blaine puts on the kettle and he walks to his room in order to get changed into something more comfortable. That’s when he sees the t-shirt that Kurt wore in the morning.

He picks it up.

“Snap out of it,” he says to himself.

[intheshadowofwar]

22 July 2023

Journey to the Front

Gallipoli 22 June 2023

I won’t lie to you; today was incredibly hard. It’s one thing to travel between countries, quite another to do so when neurodiverse, and another indeed to do so alone for the first time. If I’m not particularly erudite today, please bear with me. I am both physically and mentally exhausted.

I awoke at 2.15am and was on the bus by 3.15 to get to Heathrow. We flew out on a Turkish Airlines A220 and landed somewhat bumpily at Istanbul just after 12.30 local time, We then met our tour bus – which oddly enough has better internet then our hotel – and drove to Gallipoli, stopping at a rest stop by the Sea of Mamara for a discussion of the submarine AE2 and, more importantly, a cheese toastie.

We arrived at Gallipoli at roughly 6pm – due to our late arrival, it was decided that we’d make the most of the remaining light and ascend Plugge’s Plateau before checking into the hotel.

Plugge’s Plateau, named for a New Zealand officer, is a position on the ‘first ridge’ – there are three key ridges inland from Anzac Cove. To get to the top requires a short but arduous trek through Shrapnel Gully and up the cliffs that overlook Anzac Cove, the landing place of the Australia and New Zealand Army Corps. My first impression from climbing the ridge was to think back to my first thought upon viewing the battlefield at Culloden years ago – that this was an astoundingly poor choice for a battlefield. To get off the beach, one must ascend this steep ridge, then descend it into the gullies and valleys beyond and climb the second ridge beyond. Once you’ve taken this position, you still need to capture the third ridge, a task that eluded the Allies (for British and Indian troops also fought here) throughout the campaign. From our final position, just a little inland from Plugge’s, we could see ‘Quinn’s Post,’ the ‘Sphinx’ and Lone Pine – I never really appreciated just how close to each other they were, yet just how difficult it would have been to travel between these positions and the beach – and between each other, for that matter.

The path also has a very good view of Anzac Cove facing northwards – one can see as far as Suvla Bay and the salt lake there. I must admit to a little pride in noticing Suvla before I was explicitly told what it was – all that map reading wasn’t in vain, it seems. I think it’s still in the air as to whether or not we shall visit Suvla, but I certainly hope we do – it is one of the most interesting and misunderstood aspects of the campaign.

As a rare example of a mostly intact battlefield (the only others I can think of off the top of my head are Culloden and possibly Waterloo), we will be remaining in Gallipoli for five nights for a fairly in-depth tour. But if I’m going to have the energy to take part in said tours, I had better sleep, so I shall see you all for some more in-depth discussion tomorrow.

[always-andromeda]

25, 1, and 11 for the end of year fanfic asks :)💕🌈

I love you so much, starshine, thank you for the ask!! 🥹

25 | a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read

Okay, I absolutely can’t just choose one. And I’ve read so many fantastic fics this year!! So these are the ones that immediately come to mind.

Not Our Time by youuu, my wonderful Sophia!! - this one is genuinely so iconic for me because it actually convinced me that Joby could be a dad and that was beginning of the end for me rip

i am real and you are not by @introuble-now - I still think about this one so often because the vibes are immaculate. Just like it’ll be the dead of night and suddenly I’ll go, “remember that one really good Brian fic 👁️👄👁️”

Look in the Mirror by @gyllenhaalstories - this was truly my introduction to the fanfics in the Jake fandom and holy SHIT I am hooked. So so so hooked. Literally everything Lauren writes for him and his characters has me on my knees. 🥴

A Late Night Visit by @tiedyedragonswrites - this was like the first David fic I read I'm pretty sure? This was the one that made me like…yeah I’m in love with him completely.

1 | favorite fic you wrote this year

I would say it’s a tie between Honey Bunny and my Joby fic (even though the Joby fic is unfinished shhhhh nobody pay attention to that).

The Joby fic…that one did a lot for me. Not only did it solidify Joby as a proper comfort character for me but it also helped me work through some really difficult things I’ve gone through. And like…tbh…I actually feel emotionally equipped to finish it now ngl…? So even though the hype has absolutely died on it by now, come 2023, the last two chapters might see a release for posterity’s sake.

11 | fandom you enjoyed writing for the most this year

So far, I’ve written for a whopping TWO fandoms. And I will say that writing for Paul has been the most rewarding. Even though the Stranger Things stuff I wrote this year saw some huge numbers, it was also super overwhelming being in a fandom that was so massive and so fixated (almost unhealthily?) on just Joseph Quinn?? Like no hate to folks who are fans of him! But the more I saw folks who were violating his privacy and being rude, the less inclined I was to continue getting into the fandom and writing for Eddie Munson. But, hey, that was fun while it lasted!

Writing for Paul has been like a great zone of comfort for me. The fandom is kind of niche enough that I don’t feel too much pressure and I just genuinely enjoy Paul and his work so much that it’s almost always so rewarding and fun engaging with the fandom!!

Bonus thought: whoo can’t wait for 2023 when I start writing for Jake and the TLOU fandoms oh my gosh I’m so excited for that!!

・send me a fanfic end of the year ask!・

[alexbkrieger13]

Not too surprising under the circumstances Sadiku quit as coach for Eskilstuna. What's surprising is she behind the scenes gave her resignation letter to the board already in August. She kinda had to because of the 4 months resignation period. Wonder where she'll end up.

Former Scotland international Vaila Barsley who retired after this season will become Eskilstuna's new coach. Her last club became BP and she helped them stay in the top tier. She's played for Eskilstuna before. Was team mate with among others Schough, Louise Quinn, Fiona Brown and last but not least Annica formerly Svensson, a former Sweden international who was in the World Cup 2011 squad. I believe Vaila and Annica became a couple in Eskilstuna. Don't think they were a couple before than. The Barsley's obviously have a daughter and just a few days ago celebrated their 4 year wedding anniversary.

Sadiku on the decision to leave United: "My health comes first"

Elena Sadiku quits as coach for Eskilstuna United. For Fotbollskanalen, she talks about the decision that emerged during the autumn. - It was tough. I fought all autumn and can leave with the feeling that I have done everything, she says.

Just over a week ago, Eskilstuna United made initial contact with Vaila Barsley. Since then, the parties have met several times and on Tuesday the former United defender was presented as head coach of the crisis club.

During the autumn, United has been plagued with financial problems, the women's Swedish club did not manage the elite license and will be forcibly relegated to the elite top flight. In the middle of it all, Fredrik Bernhardsson left and behind the scenes Elena Sadiku had already handed in her resignation in August.

- We have had a very tough time, so it was no shock when Fredrik resigned. What we went through this year is nothing a coach or player should go through. It's a good experience but we haven't been able to control anything at all, everything around just got away from us. Being a physical trainer, analyst and then trying to sell players is far too much, says Sadiku to Fotbollskanalen and continues:

- I want the best conditions to be the best coach I can be, but it was too much and far too many millions were missing, so I didn't feel that it will be better for next season, it will be the same conditions and then I want I don't redo it. Pär (Eriksson, vice chairman, editor's note) and Lina (Bertilsson, chairman, editor's note) said they didn't want me to quit. They asked me to feel for it in the coming months and wait for the conditions for how 2023 would be. I agreed to be open to dialogue if the conditions would improve but that the dismissal remained.

How did you feel about them introducing a coach before it was announced that you quit?- I am a fairly simple person and when I represent something, I represent the whole club. I want to have a good relationship with those I work with, and somewhere I feel that what they are doing now shows how they work. I don't know what I feel, if they want to do it, they can do it, but it's not me.

With a notice period of four months, before the contract fully expired, Sadiku has booked training matches, scheduled the start of training and completed planning around the Swedish Cup.

The 29-year-old testifies to a time that took its toll on mental health, Sadiku, who is usually full of energy, has felt that she didn't really have the energy with her and at night it has been difficult to sleep.

- I felt that my health somewhere comes first. And I fought all autumn for the club and the players and then I can also leave with the feeling that I have done everything I can, she says.

How are you now? - I feel recovered in the way that I have more energy and I sleep better at night and I try to relax as much as possible. But when I've been completely off for a week or so, I also feel that I miss being on the pitch and coaching because that's what I love.

What awaits you next? - I will talk to my agents to find the best solution for me. My goal is to become the world's best football coach, I want to develop players and I stand for an environment that is development and development of the individual and the collective. I feel that this is what I want to do, then where it is you will see what is best for me. It comes by talking to an organization and what one's role is in order not to overwork oneself. I'm not in a hurry, my decision just has to be right.

But it is not clear with any club yet.

- I have not been focused there, but I have been focused on recovering. But now I feel more open to talking to those who have made contact, concludes Sadiku.

[themeatlife]

the Meat Life College Football Preview Part 2 - 2023 Season Preview

Week 0 of the 2023 College Football season is upon us! The offseason was full of conference realignment news, but we are finally going to get some actual football. It will be the final season of the four-team playoff, with next season welcoming a massive 12-team playoff. This will likely also be the final season of the Pac 12 athletic conference, featuring a loaded conference race that should be interesting all year.

Per usual, I'll go over some Heisman candidates, some Power Five Conference predictions, the College Football Playoff predictions, and to close out the outlook for the Oklahoma Sooners this season.

Heisman Hopefuls

The Frontrunner: Caleb Williams - QB USC The Contenders: Michael Penix Jr - QB Washington, Drake Maye - QB North Carolina, Marvin Harrison Jr - WR Ohio State, Blake Corum - RB Michigan, JJ McCarthy - QB Michigan The Darkhorses: Jordan Travis - QB Florida State, Quinn Ewers - QB Texas, Sam Hartman - QB Notre Dame the Meat Life Prediction: Michael Penix Jr - QB Washington

I respect Caleb Williams' talent. He has been by far the most talented QB in the country. But a lot of factors against him here. There has only been Archie Griffin of Ohio State as a repeat winner of the Heisman and that was almost 50 years ago. Also, I'll touch on this later, but Williams and USC are in probably the most competitive conference race in college football this year.

I like Washington's offense with Penix as the triggerman and I think Washington's defense will outperform USC's defense. As much as the QB position isn't related to the defense, the team's success is directly tied to a Heisman candidate's chances to win. And I'm banking on Washington in the Pac 12.

The other candidates, I think Drake Maye will have a great year statistically. Marvin Harrison Jr is going to kill defenses in the Big Ten like he did last year. And the two Michigan guys will get a mention because I think it might be a special year for Michigan this year. I threw Jordan Travis on there as a darkhorse because there's a lot of hype behind him and Florida State. Also Quinn Ewers is on there just to cover my bases. Personally I think Texas might plateau but there will be hype behind Ewers early, especially if there is a good showing against their Week 2 matchup with Alabama. Notre Dame have transfer QB Sam Hartman from Wake Forest providing a lot of experience and big play potential.

Power Five Conference Predictions

ACC

The Frontrunner: Florida State Seminoles The Contenders: Clemson Tigers, North Carolina Tar Heels The Darkhorse: Miami Hurricanes the Meat Life Prediction: Florida State Seminoles

I forgot and most people might have forgotten that Clemson actually won the ACC last year. With the coverage of their offensive struggles, you wouldn't know it. I listed the Seminoles as the frontrunners though, because the national rankings have them ahead of Clemson and FSU has the proven QB returning in Jordan Travis. Clemson will be moving to sophomore QB Cade Klubnik after DJ Uiagalelei transferring to Oregon State (more on that later). Klubnik had mixed results, performing well against UNC in the ACC Championship game but throwing 2 INTs against Tennessee in the bowl game. So I think this will be Florida State's year to win the ACC.

Drake Maye might have a special year statistically for North Carolina, but UNC's defense might hold that team back from winning the conference. And then there is the U. Will HC Mario Cristobal figure things out this season? I think they will improve but not enough to win the conference. With the ACC going divisionless, it gives Miami less of a chance at a conference championship game berth.

Big Ten

The Frontrunner: Michigan Wolverines The Contenders: Ohio State Buckeyes, Penn State Nittany Lions The Darkhorse: Wisconsin Badgers the Meat Life Prediction: Michigan Wolverines

This could be a special year for Michigan. They have won the Big Ten and beat Ohio State back to back years. They have gone to the playoff the last couple years. Now, it'll get interesting with the self-imposed suspension of HC Jim Harbaugh in the non-con schedule for supposed NCAA recruitment violation (Google Jim Harbaugh cheeseburger, good stuff), but I think they will be fine. It is Michigan's conference to lose, and I don't think they will come close to losing it.

Ohio State, once a consistent winner against Michigan, now is a question mark in their biggest game. and the other big contender Penn State usually performs well against Ohio State but struggles against Michigan. Ohio State also has to replace CJ Stroud at QB - they have yet to name the successor. Whoever they name will have tremendous WRs to throw to led by Marvin Harrison Jr.

I put Wisconsin as a darkhorse, I like new HC Luke Fickell. They will be super interesting because they will be installing a new offense with transfer Tanner Mordecai at QB. Mordecai started his college career at OU but made his bread throwing for thousands of yards at SMU. The Big Ten still has divisions, so Wisconsin already rules the West division and will make things interesting in the conference championship game.

Big 12

The Frontrunner: Kansas State Wildcats The Contenders: Texas Longhorns, TCU Horned Frogs, Oklahoma Sooners The Darkhorse: Texas Tech Red Raiders the Meat Life Prediction: Kansas State Wildcats

Is it wild that the Big 12 has had three different winners in the last three years? And they also had a team in the national title game and it wasn't the school that won the conference. For years of Oklahoma dominance, it has been kind of fun watching the conference race the past few years.

As far as Kansas State, they will have QB Will Howard do his best Collin Klein impression (with Klein as his OC!), especially since RB Deuce Vaughn has moved on to the NFL. They have four returning offensive linemen and a ton of experience back on the defense, so they look good to repeat.

TCU was that team in the national title game last year, getting waxed by Georgia. But before then they had a magical season with QB Max Duggan last year. Their biggest question will be replacing Duggan, possibly with Chandler Morris who Duggan replaced early in the season due to injury.

Texas is a contender but I honestly have my doubts. Superstar RB Bijan Robinson moved on to the NFL so it's QB Quinn Ewers' show. Ewers declined in performance when they ran Robinson less last season. Texas has had only one 10-win season in the ten years since Mack Brown was fired and HC Steve Sarkisian has never won 10 games in his coaching career. That can change, sure. But Texas' problem in the post-Mack Brown era has always been performing against teams they are supposed to win against. The big games they are always up for, but the smaller stage they usually have struggled.

I'll get to Oklahoma at the end of my entry.

Pac 12

The Frontrunner: USC Trojans The Contenders: Washington Huskies, Utah Utes, Oregon Ducks The Darkhorse: Oregon State Beavers, Colorado Buffaloes the Meat Life Prediction: Washington Huskies

What a shame. This could be the best season of football in the history of the Pac 12. This could also be the last season the Pac 12 ever plays, with 8 of its members leaving after this season and the future of the rest of the teams in limbo. As far as the football, this conference probably has the most QB depth in the country with Caleb Williams, Michael Penix Jr, Bo Nix, DJ Uiagalelei, and Shedeur Sanders. I picked the Huskies to win as discussed in the Heisman conversation.

I'm probably biased against USC, but they relied heavily on their defense getting turnovers while getting shredded for big yards. That philosophy isn't really sustainable, so I think it might come back to bite them, especially in the big games. USC couldn't beat Utah in two tries last season and the Utes are the defending champs. Utah could be in trouble early this season though, with the health status of QB Cam Rising in doubt the first few weeks of the season. Also quietly QB Bo Nix is having a renaissance and should push the Ducks in contention this year.

I put in Oregon State and Colorado in the darkhorse, one because the Pac 12 is going divisionless for their last year, and two because of the interesting storylines. Oregon State will be starting QB DJ Uiagalelei, freshly transferred from Clemson. The new scenery could be good for him. And I cannot mention Colorado without new HC Deion Sanders. He resurrected Jackson State in his short tenure there, and is planning to do the same in Colorado. They might not be great this season, but it'll be entertaining to see how far they go.

SEC

The Frontrunner: Georgia Bulldogs The Contenders: Alabama Crimson Tide, Tennessee Volunteers, LSU Tigers The Darkhorses: Texas A&M Aggies, South Carolina Gamecocks the Meat Life Prediction: Georgia Bulldogs

Some of the contenders have a lot in common, breaking in new QBs.

The defending conference champ Georgia has the most talent in the toughest conference in America, but they have to replace QB Stetson Bennett who finally graduated and moved on to the NFL. Carson Beck was named the game 1 starter and he'll have a superb supporting cast including all-world TE Brock Bowers. It will be a grind especially getting Tennessee on the road this season, but Georgia is in the driver seat.

Alabama will still have a talented squad, but they will also be breaking in a new QB as Heisman winner Bryce Young has moved on to the NFL as well. HC Nick Saban seems pretty chill for someone breaking in a new QB. Tennessee will also be breaking in QB Joe Milton to replace Hendon Hooker in HC Josh Heupel's high powered offense. It will be year 2 for HC Brian Kelley and LSU, fresh off an SEC championship game berth. They will be a force again.

I put Texas A&M as a darkhorse because of the talent. But they have a similar problem that Texas has where 10 wins are rare and it seems they can only get up for the big games. South Carolina also a darkhorse. I like HC Shane Beamer a lot and they have QB Spencer Rattler coming back after a strong second half of the year last season.

College Football Playoff Predictions

The Frontrunners: Georgia Bulldogs, Michigan Wolverines, Ohio State Buckeyes, Alabama Crimson Tide The Contenders: LSU Tigers, Tennessee Volunteers, USC Trojans, Washington Huskies, Penn State Nittany Lions, Florida State Seminoles, Clemson Tigers The Darkhorses: Kansas State Wildcats, Texas Longhorns, Texas A&M Aggies, Utah Utes, Oregon Ducks, Notre Dame the Meat Life Prediction: Semifinal teams - Georgia Bulldogs, Michigan Wolverines, LSU Tigers, Washington Huskies Championship game - Georgia vs Michigan Champion - Michigan

This may sound crazy given what two-time defending champion Georgia has done, but I think it is Michigan's year. Harbaugh will give a big eff-you to the NCAA by winning it all. They have the most experience in the key positions, particularly JJ McCarthy at QB. They will lean heavily on their RBs Blake Corum and Donovan Edwards. I just think it's time. And for Georgia, it is hard for a team to win three championships in a row - something that hasn't been done since Minnesota in the 1930s. I think Alabama will lose against Georgia in the SEC championship game, catapulting LSU into the CFP. And I'm big on Washington out of the Pac 12.

The 2023 Outlook for the Oklahoma Sooners

In the aftermath of getting burned by Lincoln Riley leaving to coach USC, 2022 was rough for Oklahoma. HC Brent Venables salvaged a recruiting class and got some key transfers but ultimately had a 6-7 season, something that has become very rare for the Oklahoma program. The Sooners just didn't know how to finish games off. In five of those losses were by one score, two of them having the lead at one point in the fourth quarter.

If they are able to figure out how to close games and keep QB Dillion Gabriel healthy (the two games he missed due to injury were blow out losses to TCU and Texas), the Sooners will improve. Now, they have a more capable backup QB in freshman Jackson Arnold, so that should open things up a little bit for Gabriel. Personnel wise, they do have more depth elsewhere as well, particularly at RB (Marcus Major and Javontae Barnes joined by Kalib Hicks and Gavin Sawchuk) and offensive and defensive lines. They will probably have a depth issue at WR replacing Marvin Mims, although they still have Jalil Farooq, Drake Stoops, and Gavin Freeman.

Compared to previous seasons, the schedule does look a little on the weaker side with Arkansas State, SMU, and Tulsa in the non-con and then Big 12 newbies Cincinnati, UCF, and BYU.

If we see improvement, I see the Sooners go 9-3 and contend for a Big 12 Championship Game berth. I would consider that a success and a good season. These things need to be incremental in some cases, and since they are building a foundation over time, I'm willing to be patient. If the Sooners get to 10+ wins, I would consider that beyond expectations and it will be a great building block going into the SEC next year.

But I completely hope they win the Big 12 on their way out of the conference. Let's grab that trophy back!

To the new season! Cheers!

BOOMER SOONER!

[marmolady]

Broken Chains: Epilogue

Book/Series: Endless Summer

Main Pairings: Estela x MC/Taylor (f),

Summary: Part 8: Post-ending (Endless ending). Epilogue... June 2023

Word Count: 2194

Previous chapter

It’s finally finished.

June 2023

 Taylor blinked awake, her face against Estela’s chest, which rose and fell to the sound of soft, contented snores. After all this time, she could not get over the utter blessing it was to be there with her. She ran her hand over her wife’s tight and rounded belly, feeling for movement within. A fluttering bump against her palm made her heart soar. This was it… paradise.

“Good morning, baby…” she whispered, then looked up as she felt Estela stirring. “And good morning, mama.”

Without opening her eyes, Estela leaned down and kissed the top of Taylor’s head. “Morning…”

It was six years to the day since they first set foot on La Huerta, and as per tradition, the anniversary marked the first day of the annual reunion. Everyone had remained close, even having finished college and gone in different directions, but the yearly gathering on the island was always a great event. It was the third such reunion, and even in that short time, much had changed. Grace and Aleister, now with their infant son Reginald in tow, had taken over responsibility for The Celestial, and had seen to it that the resort was taken down. In its place, an impressive Vaanti-built structure now stood-- after the still-standing Elysian, the largest building on the island. Affectionately known as ‘The New Celestial’, it housed private offices for both Aleister and Estela, an art studio for Grace, a sprawling laboratory, and cosy accommodations and facilities specifically for times like these when the Catalysts were in residence.  The contents of Rourke’s jaw-dropping library had been saved, along with countless items that had taken significance to many of those residing on La Huerta. Oftentimes, The New Celestial hosted Vaanti visitors from all corners of the island, but when the reunion came along, space was happily and respectfully given. With most of the gang flying in imminently, Aleister and Grace been busy with preparations, assisted by Taylor, Estela and Diego, who were semi-permanent La Huerta residents themselves.

In their triple-storey shack in the old Catalyst village, a little house that was now truly a home, with photographs of loved ones and treasured memories looking down from the walls, Taylor and Estela got ready side by side. Packing a bag for the reunion was par for the course, but this time there were a few extra items put away in anticipation of the birth that could happen at any time. They wouldn’t be going far but… just in case.

Briefly rummaging through a drawer, Estela pulled out an envelope. “Taylor… happy birthday, mi alma!”

Taylor laughed and took it from her. “Oh, you shouldn’t have! Especially because it’s not actually my birthday.” She opened the envelope and pulled out a colourful greeting card. “And I am not turning six.”

Giggling, Estela put her arms around her and kissed her temple. “Look, it’s even got a badge for you to wear.”

“I am six,” Taylor read. “Great. I wonder how many of these I’ll get this year.” She opened the card. “At least you didn’t write a message wildly inappropriate for the card’s clearly intended audience. Like last year.” With a snigger, she hugged Estela back. Those six years had been a ride, and she was eternally grateful for every one. Joking aside, it was always a special occasion to reflect; six years since she’d come to being, six years since she met the eleven most wonderful people she’d ever know. Six years since she first met the gaze of the woman who would forever own her heart. “I love you, Estela.”

“I love you too. Always, always.”

While Taylor rushed around, gathering all the home-grown fruits she’d promised to bring for Raj, Estela found herself left behind, slowed down by the extra weight and a painful back. She couldn’t wait to hold her baby… and neither could she wait to have her body back to normal.

“Is there anything I can help you with?” she asked, a little frustrated.

A little smile came to Taylor’s face as she took Estela’s hand and pulled her into her waiting arms. “Maybe, just one thing…” She wove a hand up to Estela’s chin and gently drew her in for a warm and tender kiss.

“That’s exactly what I was hoping for.”

 __________________________

The New Celestial’s pool seemed to shimmer in the midday sun, the cerulean waters disturbed by the frolics of friends reunited once more. A big lunch cook-up and a lazy afternoon was tradition by this point, and the air was already filled with the most delicious scents as Raj got down to business. Naturally, Quinn had brought along a great selection of cupcakes for dessert, and already three or four had been snaffled by those who simply couldn’t wait.

At the shallow end of the pool, Aleister sat with little Reggie on his knee, kicking his tiny legs merrily as he babbled to himself.

Pulling faces, Quinn reached over to tickle the baby’s tummy, and beamed as Reggie gave a delighted squeal. “Oh Al, he’s gotten so big! Haven’t you Mister Reginald?”

Pride was clear on the father’s face as he held out his boy to splash around on his belly. “He’s so like Grace; bright… inquisitive…”

“Food’s out, doodlebugs!” came a holler from the central table.

Grace crouched beside the pool and took Reggie in her arms. “Come on, little man; let’s get you dried up and ready for some yummy lunch!” She leant to give Aleister a kiss. “Isn’t he doing so well? I thought he’d be shy with so many people.”

“I don’t think he’s quite sure of Craig still, but to be quite frank, that troglodyte scares us all.”

“Oh, you! We’ll save you a seat.”

Amid the chattering and scraping of chairs, Sean rose to his feet to begin the celebration.

“Well,” he said, “we’re all here, despite the ongoing concerns for the competency of our beloved pilot.”

His feet up on the table, Jake just shrugged it off. “Laugh it up, assholes. Without me, you’ll be walkin’ home.”

“So,” Sean continued, “I think it’s time for the birthday girl’s traditional speech to get us started.”

A party hat lopsided on her head, Taylor gave an exaggerated roll of her eyes. “It’s not my birthday, peeps.”

“Didn’t stop ya from accepting that three-tier cake last year, Princess…”

“Speech! Speech!”

Resigned to her fate, Taylor stood up. “All right, here goes.”  For her show of resistance, she actually loved this… it was almost like old times, and she lived for it. “So, uh, this has been a big one. In so many, so many ways. You think that you survive the end of the world, everything after that’s gotta be a cakewalk. But life is hard. Some days you wake up, and it feels like everything you ever dreamed of will always be just out of reach.” Her voice trembled, but she recovered herself. “There’s not one of you who didn’t have to put up with a blubbering phone call from me this past year; you comforted us when we lost hope, and celebrated right along with us when hoping and trying finally paid off.” Automatically, she looked over to Estela who glanced up from stroking her bump to meet Taylor’s eyes with a gaze overflowing with affection. She had to take a moment before continuing, wiping her eyes. “Michelle… truly a queen. I honestly don’t know how you do it--“

“Coffee. So much coffee.”

“--but you managed to kick the third year of med school in its ass, all the while being willing to drop everything in a heartbeat if one of us needed to talk. And that you’re here to help us out with the baby… there’s just… there’s no words for what it means. I am so over the moon for you both about your engagement; you are two of the strongest, kindest souls I’ll ever know, and you truly deserve each other.”

“Quinn just wants an excuse to make a ridiculously extravagant cake.” Michelle gave her a wink.

“Hey!” Quinn laughed, wrinkling up her nose in feigned offense. “Well, between your last year of school, my first public speaking engagements, and a wedding to plan, I think we’ll have earned a good cake.” She leaned into her fiancée for a kiss, and there might as well have been no one alive but the two of them.

“One of the greatest blessings in my life has been to watch Grace and Aleister become the most amazing parents to their sweet little man, Reggie. Who, I might add, said his first word yesterday…”

Beaming, Grace tickled under her son’s chin. “What can you say, sweetie?” She wiggled a finger in Aleister’s direction. “Who’s that?”

“Dada!”

Another big cheer. The infant looked slightly perturbed by the outburst, and snuggled closer to his mother.

And so they reflected on another year; their trials, heartaches and triumphs. Quinn’s cupcake business had truly taken flight, and she’d begun her first forays into non-profit work. What Zahra did on her computer all day, no one was quite sure, and most were too afraid to ask, but she was happy, opening herself up to new avenues, and always heading up an unstoppable dynamic duo, supporting Craig as he found the confidence to make his way in the world and embrace his own successes. Sean was looking forward to his first season as a pro on the Condors, Raj’s runaway success with his cooking vlog had landed him talks about the television show of his dreams, and Taylor herself was taking a break from fulfilling youth work in San Trobida after having fast-tracked her degree and graduated after three years. Diego was contentedly living back in Elyys’tel, preparing to  knuckle down and make some progress on his book --as well as continue his role as the most sought-after story-teller on the island, and bond with the baby he’d helped bring into existence. Jake had returned home a free man several years prior, but now spent far more time piloting tourists around the Greater Antilles, with home bases on both La Huerta and San Trobida. Rourke International was now a distant memory, the company having been re-branded under Aleister’s direction as Catalyst International. It was only then, with Rourke’s influence scorched from everything he’d once touched, that Estela’s resistance to Aleister’s attempts to gift her a fair share of inheritance waned. Her objective was simple; to use the wealth she’d inherited to rebuild her war-ravaged home, and to offer its young people the opportunities her own mother had sacrificed herself to give Estela. With a family of Tio Nicolas in San Trobida; Grace, Aleister, Diego and Varyyn on La Huerta; and Taylor, right at her side wherever she might be, she was finally contented and at peace.

With tears in her eyes, Taylor wrapped up her ‘birthday’ speech, toasting to another year with a glass of fruit punch held high. Then, to do the rounds… picking up, as anticipated, a great stash of birthday cards, while cramming in as much catching-up as she could manage before the inevitable drunken shenanigans took over.

Taylor picked up a second glass with her refill and wandered back to the poolside hammock where Estela awaited her.

“You look comfy,” she said with a loving wink.

“Should hope so… I’m fairly sure I’m stuck here.”

Taylor giggled. “Thankfully, we’ve got a whole team of pregnant-lady-extractors on hand, so you can just take it easy.” Handing over the fruit drink, she rested on the edge of the hammock and kissed her wife’s forehead.

Closer now, Taylor sensed something… different… new. There was something in Estela’s expression, a look of holding onto a secret, some wonderful knowledge that was all hers. Her heart skipped a beat. Was she…?

An almost imperceptible nod confirmed her suspicions, and she had to hold back a gasp.

“So, uh… how long do you want to give it before I break up the party… and Raj’s heart?”

Estela leaned in close, sharing a clandestine smile and whispering so only Taylor could hear. “The contractions aren’t even a half hour apart yet; we’ve got time. Let poor Michelle relax for a little while longer.”

Gently wriggling up against her beloved, Taylor pressed a sweet kiss to her lips and cradled her rounded belly. As her heart pounded with elation, she looked over the gathering; her family. Raj and Jake were engaged in their annual drinks-mix-off. Jake, as always, was the obvious underdog, but keeping pace and already impressing the eager judges. Cocktail in each hand, Quinn reclined in a floating pool ring, taking her time in making her pick of the winner, while avoiding the wild splashing from the direction of Craig, Sean, Diego and Varyyn, who’d taken a break from drinks tasting for a two-on-two ball game.  Michelle and Grace were taking well-earned respite by the pool, watching the goings-on with their feet up in the most comfortable deck chairs. Clearly under the impression that no one bar the protective father was watching, Zahra was quietly singing for an entranced baby Reggie. Tucked up with the woman she loved and on the very brink of becoming a mother, Taylor smiled helplessly; completely, palpably content. So much had changed, and yet… so little had changed at all.

It was as though Taylor was looking at everything she could have wished for. They’d made it through… together, joined by bonds forged in fire and tempered in grief and hope. They’d survived, just as they’d survive the challenges along each of their paths, for the journey would never be walked alone.

We’re finally on our way…

[klaineanummel]

Story of My Life 23/24

Kurt reflects on the past twelve years of his life, coming to realize that one man in particular has affected him far more than he ever thought he would

Welcome to the penultimate chapter! This one is written for the @klaineadvent prompt “Year”. I’m sure you all know what this chapter is, and let me tell you, it was so much fun to write. Though probably not as fun as the next chapter will be ;) 

Thank you all so much for sticking around with me through this little story. I’m hoping to have the final chapter finished ASAP. There will also be a fun (well, hopefully you’ll think it’s fun!) announcement coming with the next chapter! (Though if you head to AO3 you may get a hint of what it is that the announcement will be hehe)

I hope you all enjoy! Minor warning for angst, but I mean, when isn’t there angst in this fic :P

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Read on AO3

December 4th-5th, 2023

It’s 3AM when Kurt is woken up by the sound of his phone ringing incessantly in his ear. He groans, hand pawing around his nightstand aimlessly, trying to locate the source of his disturbance.

He finally finds it, and cracks an eye open, frowning when he sees Blaine’s face on the caller display.

He hits the green answer button, and brings the phone up to his ear. “Blaine?”

“Kurt!” Blaine practically shouts in greeting, and Kurt pulls the phone away from his ear at the sudden noise. “Good, you’re awake, I need to speak to you immediately.”

Kurt frowns, sitting up in bed. “Blaine, it’s 3AM.” He leans over and flicks the lamp on his nightstand on.

“Yes, it is, but I have to speak to you right now, this instant, because it’s very important.”

Oh, okay, Blaine is rambling. Kurt knows what’s going on here. “Blaine, are you drunk? Do you need me to come get you?”

“No!” Blaine shouts again, though this time it’s harsher.

“No, you’re not drunk, or no, you don’t want me to come get you?”

“No, don’t get me. I don’t need you to come get me, Kurt, because guess what? Come on, take a guess.”

“You already called an Uber?” Kurt asks hopefully, really not liking the turn this conversation is taking.

Blaine makes a noise like a buzzer, and seriously, he must be absolutely tanked. “Incorrect. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.”

“Blaine, seriously, you’re freaking me out. Is everything okay?”

“Everything is great, Kurt, it’s fantastic. You know why?” Kurt can hear him taking a deep breath through the phone. “Because I am over you.”

Kurt’s heart stops in his chest. “What?”

“Oh, yeah. I am donezo. Totally and completely over you. Goodbye feelings, forever.”

“Wait, Blaine, slow down,” Kurt says, holding the phone closer to his ear. Why is his heart beating so damn fast, why is his hand so damn sweaty, what the hell is going on with him?

“I’ve been slowing down, Kurt. I’ve slowed down my entire life because of you. Did you know that Trent dumped me because of you?”

Kurt’s throat dries. “Blaine…”

“Well, he did. He said he was tired of always playing second fiddle, that even if you weren’t around you were always around because I couldn’t get you out of my head. He told me I was being selfish in even dating him in the first place, when I clearly had no room in my heart for anyone else. And you know the worst part?”

“Blaine, please, you’re drunk.”

“The worst part is he was right. I was being selfish, in dating him, in dating anybody, really, when all I’ve ever wanted was to be with you. But not any more, because I am done.”

“Okay, Blaine, where are you, I’m coming to get you,” he swings his legs off the bed.

“I don’t need you to, Kurt, don’t you get it? I have other friends who can come get me. I don’t need you.”

“Blaine, I really think we should have this conversation when you’re sober.”

“Oh, too late, we’re having it now.” Kurt’s stomach tightens, and god, what is this feelings in his goddamn chest, why does this hurt so much? “Hey, wanna know another fun tidbit? I haven’t dated at all since Trent and I broke up. That’s been really fun, you know. Watching you go on blind dates and have one-night stands, while I try and get my shit together and finally get over you.”

“I haven’t—”

“We have the same damn friends, Kurt, and I don’t know if you know this, but Tina likes to talk.”

“Shit,” Kurt sits still, legs dangling over the edge of his bed. “Blaine, look—”

“No, you look, Kurt. I’m done with this. I’m over you. I am so, so over you. It took me eleven fucking years, but I’m finally done. So go have fun with whatever guy you’re currently dating, or fucking, or whatever the hell you do in your spare time that isn’t date me, because I’m through with you.”

“Blaine, please, can we talk about this in the morning?”

“Why bother? I’ve said all I needed to say.” And just like that, the line goes dead, and the conversation is over.

Kurt stares down at his phone in his hands for what feels like an infinity. God, his chest is still aching, his heart is pulsing, he feels terrible, why does he feel so damn –?

His head shoots up, staring at his wall in wide-eyed horror.

Oh, no.

Oh, shit.

“No,” he tells himself quietly. “You’re being stupid.”

Still, he can’t make himself crawl back under the covers, and his phone is clenched so tightly in his hand he’s a little afraid it might break.

He licks his lips, one single thought running through his head over and over again.

I don’t want Blaine to be over me.

His breathing speeds up as the thought swirls around his mind. The stupid, illogical thought. Because that’s what it is, right? It’s stupid and illogical and makes no sense. All he’s ever wanted was for Blaine to be over him. The few times that he thought he was, he’s been genuinely relieved. All he wants is for them to continue their friendship.

Does Blaine even still want them to be friends? The way he’d said that he was done with Kurt sounded so final…

“Christ,” he mumbles. This must be some form of late-in-life narcissism manifesting. How the hell is he this upset over Blaine telling him that he’s over him? This is good. It’s good.

He swallows thickly. It’s good, right?

He shouldn’t even have to ask himself that question.

He looks down at his phone, thinking on it for a moment, then presses Blaine’s name in his recent calls. And wow, he hadn’t even realized how often he and Blaine talk on the phone. He’s got two calls from Blaine and three outgoing from just the past few days.

He puts the phone up to his ear, frowning when it goes directly to voicemail. When the beep sounds, he quickly says, “Blaine, please call me when you get this. I don’t…” he sighs heavily, then takes a deep breath and says, “I just want to make sure that you got home okay. Call me, please?”

He finishes the call and sets his phone on his lap, going back to staring at the wall.

This has to be some sort of narcissistic crisis. All his life Blaine has loved him, and he’s grown too accustomed to the knowledge. Besides, he can’t deny that lately it has brought a little warmth to his stomach to think of somebody as gorgeous and kind as Blaine liking him.

Shit, he’s been thinking about Blaine as ‘gorgeous’ way too much. He groans, falling back onto his mattress. He blames Mercedes. She’s the one who put the stupid idea into his head that Blaine was an adult, and that it was okay to leer at his friend, and his fantastic ass, and his beautiful eyes, and his soft-looking, kissable lips…

He shuts his eyes tightly. Why is he thinking about Blaine’s lips now? Why is he thinking about that New Year’s Eve so long ago, when Blaine kissed him? He’d been such a good kisser, even if the kiss was short. And god, the way his cheeks went so red when he very loudly informed Kurt that he’d been fucked…

He’s definitely having some sort of crisis. God, where are all these thoughts coming from? It’s like some kind of damn has burst inside of Kurt, and suddenly all he can see is Blaine, Blaine, Blaine. Blaine kissing him on New Year’s, dancing with Blaine at Tina and Quinn’s wedding, Blaine holding him when he broke up with Cody, Blaine smiling up at him, Blaine calling him late at night just to talk, Blaine…

He exhales sharply and, very purposefully, stares up at the ceiling and says, “I do not have feelings for Blaine.”

Because he doesn’t. He can’t. If he had feelings for Blaine, he would have noticed before, right? He sees him almost every goddamn day, especially now with all the preparations for Cooper’s wedding. He’s known him for eleven fucking years. He would have noticed before if he had feelings for Blaine, right?

He closes his eyes and repeats, softer this time, “I do not have feelings for Blaine.”

He groans as his heart throbs, Blaine’s voice telling him that he’s so, so over him flashing through his mind. He turns over so that he’s lying face-forward on his bed, burying his face in his comforter.

“I do not have feelings for Blaine,” he mumbles into his blanket.

He wonders just how many times he’ll have to tell himself that before he actually begins to believe it.

**

When he wakes up in the morning, it isn’t to the sound of his alarm, or even to the uncomfortable crick in his neck from falling asleep without a pillow. It’s to the sound of his doorbell ringing. Once, then twice, then three times.

He groans, sitting up, legs already halfway off the side of his bed. He rubs at his neck, which does indeed hurt a bit, and then heads toward his front door as the bell rings a fourth time.

There’s a knock as he approaches, and he hears Blaine’s voice saying, “Kurt, I know you’re there. Please, open the door.”

His heart skips a beat, and he shuts his eyes for a moment, trying to gain control of his breathing.

It’s just Blaine. Blaine, who he’s known forever. Blaine who is gorgeous and amazing and the best person Kurt has ever met.

Blaine who is so, so over him.

He shakes his head at his own train of thought and carefully unlocks the three locks on his door.

When he swings the door open, he is met with a completely unkempt looking Blaine. He’s wearing his glasses instead of the usual contacts he dons, and his hair isn’t even gelled. His staring up at Kurt from behind red-rimmed eyes, and holding a cup of coffee in a shaking hand.

He’s the most beautiful thing Kurt has ever seen.

“Oh, thank god,” Blaine says, instantly throwing himself on Kurt. Kurt is shocked, but allows Blaine to wrap him up in a tight hug, wondering if he’s ever been this aware of how tight and compact Blaine’s body is. “I thought you wouldn’t open the door. I thought you hated me.”

Kurt swallows around the lump in his throat, and gently pries himself out of Blaine’s hold. “I could never hate you, Blaine,” he says softly, feeling the full weight of the words on his tongue.

God, he is so, so fucked.

“I’m so goddamn sorry, Kurt,” Blaine says, tears welling in his eyes. “I never should have called you last night. I was drunk, obviously, and my friends were riling me up, and I—well, it doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have called you, and I definitely shouldn’t have said any of those things to you while I was drunk out of my mind. I’m so, so sorry.”

I’m so, so over you.

“Blaine, it’s okay. We all do stupid things when we get drunk.”

“Yeah, but this was… god.” Blaine shakes his head and takes a sip of his coffee. “I don’t even know what came over me. My friends were just egging me on, and suddenly telling you that I was over you was the most important thing in the world.”

Kurt’s jaw sets, and he fights not to show how deeply it cuts him to hear those words. “So, you are, then? Over me? That wasn’t just drunken rambling?”

Blaine stares up at him for a moment, licking his lips absently. He then gives one short nod. “But I never should have said it like that, or maybe even at all. God, I don’t even remember everything I said to you, but the things I do…” he looks up at Kurt from under his eyelashes, and it just makes his stupid gorgeous eyes sparkle even more. “Let’s just say I wouldn’t blame you if you actually did hate me.”

“I told you, Blaine, I could never hate you. Hey,” he puts his hand on Blaine’s shoulder when the younger man looks away. “I’m serious. I could never, never hate you.”

Blaine meets his gaze again, eyes filling with tears once more. He nods quickly, then hurries into Kurt’s arms again. This time, Kurt is quick to return the hug, wondering how it took him so long to realize that Blaine fits absolutely perfectly in his arms and against his body.

“Things will be better from now on,” Blaine whispers. “I promise, Kurt. Things won’t be weird anymore. Things will be so much better.”

“Yeah,” Kurt whispers, heart pounding in his cheat, blood roaring in his ears. His hands shake as they hold tight to each other at Blaine’s lower back.

If he couldn’t convince himself last night, then right now, he knows he’s lost. Seeing Blaine, holding him, has just confirmed the truth. Kurt doesn’t want Blaine to be over him because of a narcissistic crisis. Kurt doesn’t want Blaine to be over him because he likes Blaine. It’s like he’s seeing Blaine, holding him for the first time, and yet somehow it feels exactly as wonderful as it always has.

He tucks his head into the crook of Blaine’s neck, the smell of his warm, musky cologne filling his nostrils. He sighs, figuring that this is it. This is his punishment for all those years of ignoring Blaine. Now, he has to feel the pain of unrequited love, and from the man who spent eleven years in love with him, no less.

Not anymore, though. Blaine is over him, clearly meant it despite the alcohol in his system the previous night. Exactly when Kurt realizes that he has feelings for Blaine.

“So much better,” he whispers, pulling Blaine tighter against his body.

Part Twenty-Four: Zone