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eienias20 · 8 years

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Confidence is a State of Mind

@killerdraco @kentucky-the-fried and I RPd together on Discord with Draco, Pongo and Jaynix. It was A TON of fun, and me being the “i have to write something at all times” nerd that I am, turned the RP into a fic because why not? Enjoy this delve into Pongo awkwardness, Jaynix shenanigans and Draco dadliness.

Confidence is a State of Mind

Another long and eventful day for the BLADEs of NLA was drawing to a close, night was setting on. This evening finds the friendly Interceptor Pongo sitting by himself on one of the benches outside of Repenta Diner. One hand held onto his coffee from which he took a sip while the other held his comm device that listed all the missions he had accomplished this day.

He was looking over them again when he noticed the sky darken and decided to just take some time to admire the stars. A gentle smile forming on his face he found himself feeling immensely comfortable in solitude.

As Pongo enjoyed his peace another BLADE was making her way to the very same Repenta Diner, another Interceptor: Jaynix. Her own day was filled with just as many missions as Pongo, taking her all over Oblivia and now that she was done, it was time to celebrate.

Despite the remnants of sweat and the sand on her face, she smiled and picked up her pace, drawing ever closer to the diner. She practically brushed past Pongo’s table but neither BLADE was aware of the other, wrapped up in their own contentment.

At the same time, down the street another BLADE was headed in the direction of Repenta Diner. Draco, affectionately known by many as Squad Dad. He put in just as busy a day today with an endless onslaught of scouting, training as many of the less experienced BLADEs as he could. Usually the days end later but seeing as how he got through it so quick, he added on a Reclaimer mission to his load.

With all the tasks done he found himself with some very desirable free time. No better use of free time in his book than…reading books. He glanced at the new history book tucked under his arm “The History of Japan” which he’d finally gotten as a sort of gift to himself. Of course he’d wanted to read it immediately in his barracks but he felt a twinge of hunger and decided to stop by Repenta for a bite and some light reading instead.

Much like Jaynix before him, he brushes past Pongo’s table and enters the diner at just the same time that Pongo closes his eyes, just missing the Squad Dad.

A gentle wind caresses Pongo’s face, pushing back his hair to reveal his pale skin and complexion. With all the hustle and bustle of being a BLADE, enjoying a simple breeze felt unimaginably calming.

Opening his eyes he noted two people walking out of the diner: a man and a woman. They were holding hands and giggling under their breath, clearly the pair was out on a wonderful date of some sort and the very sight of that was nothing more than a cruel reminder to Pongo of his own terrible luck in talking to other people in such a manner.

Hell, he can’t even manage to talk like that with Stake. His boyfriend. He watches the couple as they walk out of sight, a sad expression on his face.

In the diner, Jaynix sat at the main counter gabbing with the bartender as he served her a cold beer. Jaynix laughed at a joke he told, unaware of Draco walking right behind her to a table in the back.

She turned to some of the fellow patrons, many were regulars she recognized. As they shouted jokes at her, asked her how she did and asked her out on dates, she shouted back. The rowdiness in Repenta, especially at night was one of her favorite things. She always thanks Frye for their first time hanging out here. The noise keeps the terrors within quiet, something she endlessly appreciates.

Turning in her seat she lets out a long sigh before looking out one of the windows. In doing so she sees a familiar BLADE sitting at a bench outside.

“Well. Whaddya know?”

Taking both her drinks she stands up, thanks the bartender and gives quick goodbyes to her drinking buddies before exiting the diner and approaching the other BLADE she’d met during her first trip to Cocytios.

“Hey there!”

Hearing her voice, Pongo notes a faint familiarity before turning albeit in a bit of a startled manner. He finds the BLADE that called out to him and recognizes her as Jaynix. He then recalls their first encounter in which he was nothing but a flustered mess and said so many stupid things. Face flushing up a bit he manages an awkward wave.

“Jaynix right? Ah. Hello there.”

Draco meanwhile sat in the diner and ordered the usual: a turkey sandwich with tomato basil soup. Being at the back of the diner gave him a pretty good vantage point of the rest of the establishment and everyone in it, as well as a great line of sight to the eating areas outside.

He watched people walk to and fro, some familiar, some not before recognizing a BLADE. Purple interceptor vest, bushy black hair, blank eyes? It was Pongo! He then noticed that someone else had approached Pongo and was standing near him, talking with him.

Draco crossed his arms and nodded proudly, it was great to see Pongo making acquaintances with other BLADEs, he knows all too well that Pongo has a bit of an awkward streak to him.

Draco was all set to look away until he realized who the other BLADE was. Jaynix. The fiery, hot headed and very provocatively dressed Jaynix. Of all people, it was her who was talking to the timid, awkward Pongo.

Realizing how likely it was that this situation will go south and end in disaster, his paternal instincts began to engage and he rose from his table. He began walking with purpose in their direction, hoping nothing would fall apart in the time it took him to get outside the diner.

Meanwhile, Jaynix pulled a seat out and sat down across from Pongo.

“This is our second-time meeting and just like the first, it was complete happenstance. Ah well, any chance to get to know someone else better is fine by me!”

Pongo chuckled “Well yeah…it is a small world after all.”

Jaynix laughed at that before letting out a long sigh and fanning herself.

“Hey, have you ever been to Oblivia? Like for a long time. The damned heat sticks to you and…y’know what. Give me a sec.”

Pongo raised an eyebrow as Jaynix leaned back in her seat. “S-sure. Take all the time you need. As for Oblivia, I was just there re-”

Pongo’s words died on his tongue upon seeing Jaynix reach for the zipper at the top of her Raim torso. She wasn’t about to-

She was. The sound of her zipper being undone was incredibly loud in Pongo’s ears and while he told himself to look away, he couldn’t. He followed her hand as it moved down her body, very, very far. He wasn’t sure if his face was red before but he was damned sure he was a tomato right now.

His jaw dropped as the zipper went lower, the Raim splitting open farther and exposing more of Jaynix’s skin. In his head, he tried to tell himself to calm down, but it was lost in a storm of ‘Holy shits.’

The only thing that came out of his mouth was a very low whisper of “…oh.”

A breeze came by, causing Jaynix to sigh in relief. Nodding to herself she spoke “That’s better. Much better.”

Draco had finally made his way out of the diner, it took him much longer than he thought even if only for a few moments but he had to-

And it no longer mattered. Jaynix and Pongo reached disaster level interaction practically immediately. With very little effort and so very quickly, Jaynix had turned Pongo’s brain into mashed potatoes. Even if he was farther away there was no way he couldn’t see how red Pongo had become.

Draco had seen Pongo’s face flush when all the blood rushed to his head after botching a Starfall Rondo and landing upside down but THIS? This was ridiculous. It was very clear that Pongo had been broken.

Regardless, he had to try to salvage the situation as best as he could and walked over to their table, looking between the mostly quiet Pongo and the mostly exposed Jaynix. Forcing a smile, he spoke.

“Well, funny running into you two together here.”

The arrival of the Squad Dad was like a saving grace for Pongo, hopefully he could provide an escape from this awkward hell. However despite turning his head towards Draco, his eyes, despite their lacking pupils, were still partially if not mostly fixed onto Jaynix who was taking a long drink at that same moment.

“Hi.”

He manages to squeak out.

“Nice…nice to…see…you…”

Following Pongo’s words, Jaynix puts her beer down and sees Draco who just joined them.

“Well shit, this diner really is the place to be at. What’s up?”

Despite Pongo’s lack of pupils, Draco found it painfully obvious as to where his eyes were fixated upon. Pulling up his own chair he put his book down onto the table before reaching over to Pongo and ruffling his hair. A solid and valiant attempt to force Pongo’s eyes off of Jaynix disguised as a kind and friendly gesture.

“Oh, you know. Just finished up for the day so I thought I’d swing by here for a quick bite! When I saw you two here, I figured I’d make sure you guys were doing alright.”

Draco had succeeded in getting Pongo’s eyes off Jaynix’s…well…off Jaynix. However, the BLADE’s face was still very clearly red and he found himself unable to stop thinking about the fact that she was still sitting across from him and that she was so…bare. Finally, he tries to talk to Draco.

“Th-thanks for dropping by a-and we’re fine! Especially Jaynix! She-NO WAIT!”

Pongo covers his face out of embarrassment before hearing Jaynix.

“Especially me?”

He parts his fingers and looks through them to see her looking right at him, her fiery eyes fixated on him, a smile on her lips.

“You find me that fine, Pongo? If I may ask, where exactly were you looking?”

Draco had enough composure to not facepalm at what was happening before him, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t doing it mentally. He tried. He pulled Pongo’s face away from Jaynix and he still found his way back into this scenario. He blew it, shot himself in the foot.

Draco hoped that Pongo knew enough about Jaynix’s personality to not answer so literally.

Giving up on being subtle, he spoke again “Come on Jaynix, it’s not nice to tease him.”

Jaynix laughed in response “Well what am I supposed to do? Pretend like I can’t see him staring at me? He couldn’t make it more obvious if he had pupils!”

At that moment, Pongo spoke up.

“You…ah…you have a…a nice everything.”

Jaynix turned her attention back to Pongo, realizing he was answering her question as to where it is he was looking. She began laughing again before reaching over and ruffling Pongo’s hair.

“Thanks Pongo and you know what? I think I have a nice everything too!”

Draco shook his head. “Jaynix, please. It’s not like you made it easy for him, either. Pongo’s kind of…a work in progress.”

He sighed as it was incredibly apparent that Jaynix’s own inflated self-esteem would only push Pongo further and further into awkwardness and more likely, into an early grave.

Jaynix just chuckled as she pulled away from Pongo and sat in her seat “Sure, I get that but I swear, unlike our interactions in Cocytios which were totally on purpose, this-”

She gestured at herself. “Well. I’m really hot AND I’m really hot.”

With another chuckle, Jaynix took another drink from her bear as Pongo let out a long sigh of acceptance. He’d only been sitting with Jaynix and Draco for such a small amount of time yet every single thing he’s said has been far more awkward than the thing he said before.

Looking between the other two BLADEs an idea came to Pongo’s mind. If he really tried, could it be possibly to achieve the level of self-confidence that Draco and especially Jaynix have in themselves? Could they possibly teach him how to talk to girls? And guys? Just…talk to people in general?

Immediately the words tumble out of his mouth in a jumbled mess.

“Um…do you think you can…help me? You both seem so confident and beautiful…well, you do not seem beautiful, you ARE both beautiful! Handsome! In the case of Draco, I, wait AGH!”

Draco cringed, listening to Pongo speak became…painful. It was like watching a puppy try to climb onto a couch only to fail and fall over and over again. He had to intervene. Again.

“Pongo. Deep breaths. You need to stop before you blow a brain cell or…whatever substitutes for one in a Mimeosome.”

Jaynix put her drink down and spoke up “He’s right kid. Deep breaths will do wonders, trust me on that. Once you get the talking down everything else’ll fall into place.”

Taking their advice, Pongo closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, letting the tension out of his shoulders. Feeling slightly more relaxed he whispers to himself “Okay…Okay…”

Opening his eyes, he looks to the two of them “You both seem really confident, is there any way you could teach me to be like that?”

Draco and Jaynix watched Pongo for a few moments, the former raising an eyebrow at his rather unusual request.

“Teach you…confidence?”

As he tapped his chin and gave it some thought.

“I suppose it’s something that could help you and I don’t just mean to prevent yourself from turning into a stuttering mess. It’s much more applicable than that. Being confident in what you do makes everything easier.”

Jaynix nodded “He speaks the truth. For me, I’ve just always kinda been like this. I’m not sure what I could impart I mean…I can’t very well tell you to just act like me. You’re Pongo.”

Pongo nodded as Draco glanced over to Jaynix out of the corner of his eye. Sure Pongo was sorely lacking in confidence but Jaynix…well…she was extremely self-confident to the point of overconfidence. Perhaps what he could do, could help both of them.

“Well Pongo, you’ve come far with your basic combat training so I think adding confidence to your training is a good idea as well.”

Jaynix leaned back in her seat “Definitely. That said I’m drawing a total blank. I may be the picture of confidence but I wouldn’t know the first thing about teaching it to anyone else.”

“Confidence is a mindset, Jaynix.”

Draco answered. “It’s no different than any other mental training.”

Waiving down a server, he quickly let them know to make his food to-go.

“I can probably show you both but this is the kind of thing that’s best not to be done in the middle of a busy diner so we’d need to take this elsewhere.”

“Then take me wherever you have to!” Pongo proclaimed.

“I…I do not want to be this awkward anymore! Oh, and believe me when I say I am a very fast learner! I was taught all about this wonderful human tradition to thank people just the other day and I have not stopped using it! Say, I should thank you both for agreeing to help me!”

Before the two could say anything Pongo stood up and dabbed.

Jaynix’s words die on her tongue faster than a stray animal on a highway. Pongo could not have done what it is she thinks he’s done. The beer she had…it had to be doing something to her, that was the only logical explanation. The only one. Her only possible response is to finish the rest of her beer, packing the second away while she shakes her head.

Draco on the other hand lost all his composure and brought an open palm to his face. There were no words to describe what had just transpired.

“Pongo. I’ll help you but I have one condition. You must never do that again.”

Pongo is a little confused and slightly upset at their reactions, it seemed like they didn’t appreciate the time he put into learning this human tradition. Pushing his feelings aside he nods.

“Alright. Anything to learn about confidence!”

“That’s the spirit Pongo!” Jaynix said as she stood up and stretched. “Take your growth and training by the reins! You’ve got this!”

She then looked to Draco “So! Since we can't do this thing in the middle of a busy diner, where would you suggest we go? Where is this elsewhere?"

Draco stood up as well paying the server before retrieving his book and the food he ordered. With a small grin in the corner of his mouth he spoke.

“Well, given Pongo would probably do better with fewer people around to see his…”

Draco narrowed his eyes trying to find the right word to describe…this, that wasn’t so hard on Pongo. Embarrassment? Shame? Nope. Those are bad.

“His reactions.” He settled on.

“And I think I know just the place.”

The notion of being around fewer people made Pongo calm down even further, this whole situation was looking more and more ideal, he was immensely interested in what Draco had planned.

He prepared to move when Jaynix spoke up.

“Alright then! Hang on.”

Pongo turned to her as she gestured at herself “Pongo. Should I zip up or is this fine? Be honest.”

One answer came to his mind immediately, he bit his lip to keep it in. There was hesitation before he finally settled with.

“Whatever makes you feel comfortable…”

Draco sighed “We’ll be lucky if you make it to where we’re going without imploding at this rate.”

Reaching over he grabbed Pongo by the collar and pulled him along. Pongo wincing at the Squad Dad’s rough handling of him.

After a few steps Draco looked back to Jaynix “Do zip up before you kill the boy, besides…”

Jaynix tilted her head, curious at Draco’s tone. “We’ll be making use of that later in this plan.”

The woman smiled “That. Hm. Alright then. Sorry Pongo.”

He looked to her as she winked and zipped her Raim back up. Very. Slowly. She was enjoying this far too much and Pongo…well…the less thought he put into his thoughts the better.

Regardless of what it is Draco had planned, Pongo was pretty sure the only way this whole scenario would end was with him dead.

Draco led Pongo and Jaynix across NLA and through the East Gate of the Administrative District into Primordia. The specific spot was southwest of FN Site 116, a small patch of grass that was popular during the day for being an Ovis gathering spot. At night however it was as empty as could be.

A perfectly calm and empty place to help Pongo…even if the boy acted like he might die trying.

"This is the spot. Hopefully the knowledge that this is an Ovis gathering spot will help you calm your nerves, Pongo."

Pongo had to admit, knowing the field before them was populated with Ovis during the day did indeed calm him down. As he let out a sigh of relief, Jaynix was next to him looking around for any sign of a stray Ovis. She loved Ovises. Realizing she was getting sidetracked, she shook her head and whispered to herself to focus as Pongo spoke up.

“Um…what would be the purpose of bringing me here? Do you want me to make a fool of myself in front of the Ovis when the morning comes?”

Draco shook his head “When we’re done with this, maybe we’ll work on your pessimism. Just sit. Both of you.”

He pointed to the ground, indicating for them to sit next to one another. Jaynix saluted “Whatever you say!”

As she sat, Pongo nodded “I trust whatever plan you have in mind…I will admit I am very curious as to what we’re going to be doing.”

Smiling, Draco sat down across from them “We came here for a location that is calming and private. The more that’s going on around you, the more likely you are to get overwhelmed. This is where we’re going to have our first lesson and Jaynix is going to help.”

Jaynix tilted her head as Draco continued, his glance shifting between the two BLADEs before him, then settling on Pongo.

“It’s all very simple, you see…you say you want to learn confidence…but confidence is just a state of mind. So all we have to do is get you to a level of comfort where that state of mind comes naturally. We’ll start small and then work our way up. No sense throwing you in head first, after all.”

Pongo still feels skeptical about everything but doesn’t doubt Draco’s judgement, instead waiting for further instruction. Jaynix next to him, nods.

“That all makes sense…though I do have to ask, why exactly am I here? How can I help?”

“Jaynix. You’re arguably the most important aspect of this. See, internalized confidence doesn’t really accomplish much; he’s gotta be able to communicate it. So he needs someone to talk to about this. Sure he could just talk to me but…”

Pausing, Draco shrugged his shoulders.

“Pongo seems to have a bit more difficulty with…people of the female persuasion. So that’s where we really need for him to improve.”

Jaynix scoffed “People of the female persuasion? You could just say he has a hard time talking to very sexy women like myself but I’ll take the persuasion thing!”

She laughed as Draco rolled his eyes “Jaynix, please.”

He sighed, fully aware that she never did miss an opportunity to inflate her own ego, he’d come to expect these kinds of statements a long time ago.

Jaynix then looked to Pongo “So! All you need to do is be able to talk to me. Simple enough.”

Pongo slowly looked over to Jaynix, his face taking on a very concerned appearance “I, ah…but…”

Unable to say anything he looks to Draco, his eyes wide with fear “W-what exactly should I say? Are there rules to talking to girls?”

Draco shook his head “Pongo. You’re overthinking this. Don’t think of her as a girl, think of her as a fellow BLADE. Heck, she’s an Interceptor just like you are so…”

He crossed his arms and stared that the pair before him “Both of you, face each other. And then Pongo, I want you tell Jaynix about the accomplishment you feel proudest of…no matter what it is. And remember; just like any other BLADE.”

“Accomplishment?”

Pongo turns to face Jaynix…or at least tries to but his gaze is on the ground beneath him. Whether it’s obvious or not he doesn’t quite know what to say.

“Um…”

The three sat in silence as he tried his best to think of a good story to tell but…

“I do not think I have anything interesting to say.”

In complete contrast to how she’s usually seen, Jaynix leaned forward and spoke with a soft voice.

“Hey.”

She waited until Pongo’s eyes found her.

“I once took on a mission to rescue a cat from a tree. Yeah. Granted the tree was absurdly huge and smack dab in the middle of Noctilum but that was the mission I picked up from Control. Save a cat. How the damn cat go there I’ll never know but thinking about it inspires endless debates between me and my friends. Running bets on what path, what branches the cat used before realizing it fucked up.”

Jaynix laughed at the memory.

“We once considered bringing another cat to Noctilum, letting it loose and just watching it from afar to see if it’d find its way up the same tree and see, finally, which one of us was right. Heh, we’re still trying to convince someone to trust us with a cat.”

Jaynix paused a bit longer, smiling.

“See that? I just shared with you something simple. Basic. But I hope I had you interested. As long as you talk and share, any story that comes to mind is bound to attract some attention. Now come on, give it your best shot.”

Draco nodded in agreement with Jaynix “She’s right, Pongo. No one’s asking for a grand story about encountering the Ruler of Fates, or some supernatural deity, or some sort of epic, all night battle. It can be anything that you’ve done that you feel pride in. Just…try the first thing that comes to mind.”

Pongo’s mind lights up with the fact that he’s done all the things Draco’s just listed. He decides not to say this out loud but now that the suggestions are out there, he decides on one that might be interesting, at least, to him.

“Well…there was this one time that I went with someone to Cauldros. Had to fight a tyrant underneath one of the land bridges, really close to lava. But we defeated it together, and afterwards, I got curious about something. I...I stepped into the lava. And by some miracle, I did not get hurt. The lava felt like water..."

He closes his eyes, smiling as he remembers that day. Opening his eyes again, he seemed the slightest bit less nervous.

“Even though it felt nice, it did not stop the lava from burning all of my clothes off. That was a fun thing to explain to my friend, heh…”

Jaynix chuckled "So out of idle curiosity...you stepped in boiling hot lava. Huh. I don't think I'd ever be that curious in my life...wait...did it burn ALL your clothes off?"

Pongo has to do a double take before answering “Hmm? Oh. Oh. Ah…well…yeah…”

He rubs the back of his neck as he looks away, his cheeks flushing up in embarrassment.

“Guess that was not the best story to tell...”

Jaynix shakes her head “Nah, it was a fine story to tell! I didn’t mean to make it awkward, I was just curious.”

Draco adjusted his sunglasses “Well it was certainly…interesting, to say the least. And on that note, do not step in lava again. Please.”

Pongo chuckled awkwardly as Draco smiled “But you know what? Didn’t you notice? You told that story without stuttering or tripping over yourself.”

Jaynix gave Pongo a few claps “Yeah! You did! Way to go, Pongo!”

Looking towards Draco, Pongo’s lips part as he realizes that he’s right! No stuttering, no embarrassed squeaks, no mess-ups and so he sits there for a moment, looking between the two BLADEs, completely baffled that he has some adequacy.

“I did it?”

Realizing that he just sounded so sad, pathetic and adorable, he looked to Draco again and smiled before repeating louder and with more confidence.

“I did it! I actually did it!”

“You did indeed! See Pongo, all you had to do was keep it simple. Start small.”

Draco then crossed his arms and nodded to himself.

“To be honest I expected this to take you a few tries but since you got this so quickly, we can move onto the next step.”

He then looked in Jaynix’s direction, donning a serious expression. The silence was held for a few moments longer, perhaps for dramatic tension or perhaps to give Pongo time to mentally prepare.

With a stern voice, Draco spoke. “Jaynix. Do the thing.”

Jaynix only had to think for a few moments before realizing what the thing was. That. Unable to stop it, a devilishly wide smile formed on her face as she reached for the zipper on her outfit. Pongo saw her hand move to her chest and wanted to say something. Anything. But all thoughts faded away as the sound of her zipper being undone filled the calm Primordian night.

Pongo could barely swallow as she turned to face him and practically purred. “So, Pongo, care to share another story with me?”

Pongo, as expected, fell silent. His mouth hanging open and his face reddening just as much as it had the first time she did this. His eyes had widened all the while she was unzipping and now he was trying desperately to pull his attention away from Jaynix but was failing. Horribly.

The only thing his eyes wanted to focus on, was Jaynix. Her smile. Her glowing eyes. Her perfect body.

He knows he should say something. He wants to gain confidence! He wants to follow Draco’s plan but in this specific moment, any forward progress seems impossible.

All he manages to do is stutter in a very quiet voice.

“Ah…I…you…um…”

Upon seeing this, Draco got up and moved closer to his protégé. “Focus! Pongo!”

Placing a hand on his shoulder he continued.

“It’s still the same Jaynix from before. Same BLADE. Same Interceptor…less…clothing.”

At that moment, Draco realize that maybe. Just maybe. This was a bad idea. Then again, given how infamous the Raim was for reasons he’d never understand, Pongo had to get used to this. He had to learn how to deal with it and it’d be far easier under controlled circumstances.

Jaynix remained with her focus, her burning eyes, squarely on Pongo and she knew that he could see it. There were so many things she could do now to tease him even more. Flip her hair. Wink. Blow a kiss. But seeing his initial reaction and how he seemed completely frozen, perhaps unzipping was enough…for now.

“It’s as Draco says. Besides Pongo, I dress far less conservatively when I’m about town so if you ever want to hang with me while we’re in NLA for a chat, a meal or any other simple activity…”

She moved…a little too much, but completely on purpose.

“You’re gonna have to get used to this.

And then, unable to stop herself, she winked at him.

Pongo felt his shoulders tense up and the start of a panic was brewing.

Next to him, Draco gave him the simplest instructions possible.

“Just talk.”

He wanted to, he really did but he was unable to stop staring thus making thinking clearly an impossible task.

“Is it getting hot out here or is it just Jaynix? No! Stop that!”

He shakes his head and tries to gather his thoughts again. Reminding himself that he wants to be confident! Taking a deep breath, he tries to say a complete sentence.

“…ma’neg’alki ar-dua…”

Upon saying that he begins to mentally berate himself “No! That’s not English! That’s Miran! Specifically, it’s Miran for…okay…let’s not go there. Right. Right. Attempt number two. English.”

“…I cannot feel anything below my waist…”

Once again, the mental berating continues. “Time to stop talking before I hurt myself somehow…”

Draco let out a long sigh “Well, I suppose that’s better than certain other comments you could’ve made.”

Despite this setback, Draco was not ready to throw in the towel on Pongo, not yet. He knew if they just gave up now then Pongo would forever be stuck at this level.

“Alright, I have an idea. Bear with me on this one.”

Reaching inside the jacket of his suit, Draco pulled out a pair of sunglasses. Jaynix chuckled, of course he carried spares.

Opening them up he put them on Pongo. Naturally, wearing these particular sunglasses at night yielded terrible results as they made it far too dark to see anything well if at all, but that may just be what they needed right now.

“She’s still there Pongo and you still have to talk to her. But maybe this will help act as…training wheels.”

Jaynix scoffed “Great. So now he can’t see my rockin’ bod? Shame.”

Draco sighed as Jaynix shook her head before looking to Pongo.

“I’m with Draco on this one. Ya gotta start somewhere.”

Pongo in the meantime had been trying to adjust to losing most of his vision. Everything was much darker and he was a little disoriented, but now, grasping the change and hearing Draco and Jaynix’s words he found his shoulders relaxing a little.

There was some strange sort of comfort in being almost blind.

“I think…this could work.”

He smiles and stands up.

“Yeah. It will! I know it will!”

“P-Pongo!”

Before Draco can finish his thought, Pongo takes a step forward and immediately trips on his own feet, falling forward onto Jaynix, the glasses flying off and his face planting itself squarely in between her breasts.

There is a pall between the three as they all simultaneously realize what just happened.

“You had one job Pongo…”

Draco mutters as Pongo realizes who it is he’s lying on and where exactly it is he’s lying. If he wasn’t red before, which he was, it was somehow even more apparent now. Stricken with such intense shock over what just happened, he found himself unable to move off of Jaynix despite his brain trying to tell him to get off of her.

Draco found himself trying to understand why it is Pongo stood up. Why did he try to walk around? All he need to do was talk to her!

Jaynix meanwhile could not believe how odd this whole night has been. Such a conglomeration of things that would never happen, almost as if it was a series of unfortunate events. Everything was so bizarre that Jaynix most likely would never be able to tell anyone else this story. The story of how her fellow Interceptor Pongo was undergoing confidence training and because of it he put on sunglasses at night. Then he fell onto her, his face landing right in her exposed chest. Which would be another thing to explain, why was her chest exposed?

She couldn’t tell anyone this because they would be so completely blown away by the sheer number of absurdities that led to this one outcome, they’d never believe it.

Realizing all this, Jaynix could only admit: she was impressed.

Draco let out a heavy sigh and gestured at them “You okay, Jaynix?”

She looked over to him, still on the ground with Pongo lying on her.

“Yeah. I’m fine. Just surprised is all, kid didn’t even buy me dinner first.”

Draco could only nod, he knew he didn’t have to ask if Pongo was okay, he already knew the answer but at the same time if he stepped in and helped Pongo up and out of this situation, if he did this every time, the boy would never learn.

Pongo’s brain went through countless feelings and reactions. Awe, embarrassment and a little shame over his contact with Jaynix’s skin. Before realizing completely what it is that happened. Finally, he felt something inside his heart…break.

Standing up, he pulled Jaynix up off the ground. A somber expression on his face, he avoided making eye contact with either of them.

“I…I am really sorry…I just…I mess everything up. Thank you for trying to help me…but it seems that I just…cannot be helped.”

Turning away, Pongo begins to leave, barely being able to hold back tears all the while he reminds himself of how much of a burden he is. A waste of space. No matter what happens he’ll never be as great or as confident as Draco, Jaynix…as anyone.

Draco rose to his feet as Pongo began walking away. Reaching out he place a hand on Pongo’s right shoulder to stop him.

“Where do you think you’re going? You’re not going to leave before I…congratulate you. As…odd as the situation that led to it was…what you said right now? You were able to tell her pretty directly.”

Draco nodded “So it seems like you were confident…in believing yourself to be helpless. Which we can now clearly see that you’re not.”

Jaynix smiled at Draco’s words before looking at Pongo “He’s right. Also, you stood up and helped me up. You didn’t have to but you did, without a second thought too. Very gentlemanly of you if I do say so myself. Thank you, Pongo.”

She walked over to him and placed one of her hands on his right shoulder.

“In the end, you did great. You took your first step.”

With a hand on each shoulder, Pongo forced himself to raise his head and look at the two BLADEs. Their words were supposed to encourage him…but he himself could not accept what they were telling him.

“What good is being confident if it’s in your own lack of abilities?”

“Thanks. Both of you.”

They took their hands from his shoulders as he turned to face them.

“But…this was hardly a step forward. No matter what it is that happened I still caused so much…stupid awkwardness…I know that I’m doomed to a life of embarrassment and humiliation. I know that there’s no hope for me…I…”

Unable to hold back he starts to sniffle, a few tears falling.

“Both of you…you reached perfection without even trying. Draco. In battle your flawless, your skill is unmatchable. Jaynix, you have so much fire and you’re just so…so beautiful. Yet, when I try, just try to be…more than what I am. Whatever it is I try, it always ends up like this. Why?”

As Pongo continued to sniffle, Jaynix found herself looking down at the ground. A sad expression on her face.

“Perfection…you’d think that, right?”

Jaynix looked back up, Pongo barely meeting her eyes as she continued. “Pongo. You’re in a rough spot right now, sure. You think everyone is better than you in same way but that isn’t true. And we aren’t perfect. None of us are. I sure as hell am far from perfect.”

She shook her head “Since I was found. Awoken. Since I came to NLA I’ve done countless stupid…idiotic things. All because I didn’t…I didn’t have any sense of self-worth. I destroyed myself for weeks…no…months on end. And despite my change I’m still paying for what I did to myself and I always will be. The horrors I inflicted on myself are never going away…”

She sighed “But I keep going. I keep moving forward because I have people who support me. I have people who believe in me and who helped me find my worth. It was a long process…months and it’s still ongoing but I’ve made progress. I’m where I am now but I’ve still got a long way to go.”

She gave Pongo a small smile. “I’ve no doubt the same will happen with you too. Give it time. Have the faith in yourself that we have in you.”

Just then, Jaynix winced, a hand coming up to her chest. Taking a deep breath, she winced again before saying one last thing.

“Above all else, Pongo…trust in my words…”

Draco could feel his protective instincts roaring inside him. HE was prepared to comfort Pongo, he’s done so often enough, he was used to it but Jaynix too? The one who was normally bursting with confidence bordering on arrogance? Her felt her words hit him directly in the chest and he knew what he had to do.

“Alright you two. Bring it in.”

Without wasting another moment, he put an arm around each of them and pulled them in for a group hug. Forcing Pongo and Jaynix into each other.

“She’s right, Pongo. No one starts at the top. Not you. Not Jaynix. Not me. But the second you give up is the second that you ensure you will never get there. So, you better believe we’re not going to let you give up on yourself especially when you’ve already made progress. Don’t you remember how you were when we first met? Compare it to how you are now. The Pongo I met back then couldn’t have gone toe-to-toe with a giant Forfex for 16 hours straight. And I know you’re going to improve from there. You both are! I am NOT giving up on either of you.”

In the midst of this warm hug, Pongo allowed himself to finally let the tears stream down his face, no more holding back. All the while he tried to grasp this brand-new concept.

“Draco and Jaynix…they were in my shoes? That’s impossible. That can’t be right and yet, here they are…telling me just how low they once were and still consider themselves to be! Is this true? Is this real?”

At that moment, something hits him. A sudden realization, a spark in his mind. Jaynix is feeling down. Sad. Jaynix, of all people.

Breaking free of the hug he pulls Jaynix out as well and looks her directly in the face with stern eyes.

“I trust in you. Of course, I trust in you. You are an amazing individual and I do not care where you started out only that I know now that you worked so hard to reach where you are today. You are an inspiration and to see you like this…no. I will not allow it.”

In response to Pongo’s words, Jaynix could only blink. Part of her wanted to commend Pongo on maintaining eye contact but she felt that bringing that up now would ruin everything. However, her inner thoughts came to a halt upon hearing him say one word.

“Inspiration?”

She furrowed her brows.

“Am I an inspiration?”

She thought of that word as hard as she could. She thought of all the things that transpired and how she drove herself to near suicide more times than she could count. Could someone like her be an inspiration? Does she have any right to be an inspiration?

These thoughts swirling in her head she looked at Pongo as he put on his most confident smile. His eyes gave off a shine as he looked at her and in that moment, she knew that it didn’t matter if she saw herself as an inspiration or not.

To Pongo, she was.

“About before…”

She tilted her head as he continued.

“You were absolutely right. It was rude of me to rush in on you before asking you to dinner. Would it be too late to ask now?”

Jaynix smiled before letting out a few chuckles.

“It’s never too late for dinner and it’s never too late to ask. Yes Pongo, I think getting dinner with you would be great.”

Draco could only smile with pride at the development taking place before him. Despite the fact that these two were obviously hurting, they were still managing to support one another and that was something he couldn’t help be but be proud of.

“Well Pongo, that sounded pretty confidence to me! So, it seems like my work here is done…for now, at least.”

Pongo nodded to Draco and prepared to say something before it hit him that Jaynix had accepted his offer. He didn’t get rejected. He stares at Jaynix in shock before his smile grows even wider.

“Oh, my gods. OH. MY. GODS. You said yes!? THIS IS AMAZING! I will make sure that you get THE BEST food in the WORLD! And! And we will have an AMAZING TIME TOGETHER!”

Draco and Jaynix laugh at Pongo’s excitement. The former reaching into his suit jacket again and pulling out a wallet. Pulling out one of his cards he forces it into Pongo’s hands.

“Your dinner is on me. Think of it as my way of saying well done…to both of you. Pongo for gaining a little bit of confidence and support…and Jaynix for learning a bit of humility. You’ve both done well and I’m so proud of you two.”

Pongo looks over the card, realizing that it’s the Mission Revenue card. Given all the missions Draco runs there is no doubt in his mind that the card holds access to an exorbitant amount of credits. He looks to Draco.

“Woah! Absolutely not! I have plenty of my own credits to spend as it is and this is supposed to be my treat to her. Best give this to someone who might need it more than me. After all…”

Smiling he turns to Jaynix, his body radiating awkward levels of swagger.

“This is my date.”

Jaynix can’t help but laugh at Pongo’s interesting display of his newly discovered confidence.

“I do my fair share of missions as well so believe me when I say I’ve got a hefty purse…but if you want to pay, Pongo. The last thing I’ll do is complain.”

She then looked over to Draco “I have to say, this little bit of training worked out extraordinarily in the end eh?”

Draco took his card back, nodding to Pongo “Very well then.”

He had to admit, while he was surprised and a bit hopeful upon seeing Pongo’s sudden explosion of confidence he also hoped that they hadn’t created a monster of some sort. Though, as long as Jaynix seemed comfortable enough with it, no harm no foul. If anything, it just left the room open for another session.

“So, while Pongo and I are on our date, what’ll you be doing, Squad Dad? Got a hot date of your own?”

Draco shook his head “No, Jaynix. There is no Squad Mom if that’s what you were trying to ask.” He chuckled as Pongo spoke up.

“Oh! I actually do have someone; his name is Mr. Stake and he is beautiful and I love him!”

Jaynix could feel the innocence in Pongo’s words. She was honestly a little taken aback learning this awkward BLADE had a boyfriend, if anything that just proved that he wasn’t a lost cause.

Draco himself was shocked by this revelation. Pongo? In a relationship? He had many questions but decided it was best to hold off on those for another day.

“Well. This night has been successful. So, to the two of you I say, have a good time and please, try not to go too crazy.”

Jaynix chuckled at Draco’s words “We can try but this is me we’re talking about. The odds of the date going crazy…well, it’s more of a certainty if I’m being honest.”

Draco nodded “I should’ve assumed as much.”

“The night is young, plenty of time for crazy! Ready to go?”

Jaynix looked to Pongo, seeing him hold out his hand for her to take. He was reveling in his newfound confidence. Normally she’d take off for NLA on her own or drag Pongo along but seeing his display and the expression on his face, she could only smile and take his hand, letting him lead her instead.

“I want to hear more about this Mr. Stake over dinner if you don’t mind. I’m interested.”

Pongo smiled as they began walking “Sure! If I may ask, do you have significant others?”

Jaynix grinned “Yep and it’s only fair that I tell you about my girlfriends in return. I have to ask now, you sure you’re ready for this date?”

He nodded “Definitely! Nothing is gonna stop me from showing you a great time! And food!”

Wide smile, Pongo lead Jaynix back to NLA, the pair waving goodbye to Draco. There was a visible spring in Pongo’s step as he walked hand in hand with Jaynix.

Somewhere deep in his mind he felt…he knew that this confidence wouldn’t last for very long but for the time being he needed it to show Jaynix a fun time. No matter what the future would bring, what mattered most was the now.

And in the now, Pongo found himself tripping over his own feet and falling to the ground, flat on his face.

Some things never change.

#xenoblade chronicles x #fan fiction #fanfiction #7928 words #cross #pongo #jaynix #draco #monolithsoft #wii u

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talkingharrystyles · 3 years

Note

sorry but if you’re talking about your boyfriend and never say that word and reference it as best friend then something isn’t adding up

With her 2+2=7928

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betweengenesisfrogs · 4 years

Text

The Triumph of the Marginalia

Marginalia, n.:

1 : notes or embellishments in the margins (as in a book)

2 : nonessential items

-Troll OED

Is it just me, or is Nepeta and Equius’s arc the most slept-upon piece of brilliance in all of Homestuck?

A brilliance, might I add, that culminates in possibly the most triumphant, fulfilling emotional moment in the entire work:

https://www.homestuck.com/story/7928

*stands back and beholds its majesty while from the background comes the sound of James Roach brutally murdering ska*

No, but actually, I mean this 100% unironically, and by the end of this post, I think you’ll agree with me.

By now, I think we all understand the Act 6 double metaphor: the series of temporal loops and universes that Lord English commands is paralleled with, and in fact totally identical to, the narrative of Homestuck. Our characters’ lives exist within this context. They struggle to escape it, and are defined both by it and by the rejection of it.

Enter Nepeta.

The metaphorical meaning of Nepeta in Homestuck is irrelevance, and that’s why she’s the most relevant character in any discussion.

Nepeta was one of the characters killed off during the Murderstuck arc. Hussie argued that she was perfect for this role. In fact, I believe he said something like “Nepeta is sweet, but if you look up the dictionary definition of ‘expendable character,’ you’ll see a picture of Nepeta playing with a ball of yarn and looking very cute.” She’s an endearing combination of shipper girl and apex predator, but not one of your Vriskas or Terezis in being a driver of the plot. Hussie, it seems, created her just to round out the troll cast. He described one of his purposes in Murderstuck as being to axe some of the less necessary trolls to reduce the scope of his character list.

Except that didn’t really happen, did it?

Like a cat with nine lives, Nepeta just keeps coming back.

Equius is another addition to the troll cast who gets pushed away from the main action. He was a character-writing challenge: how do you make someone who’s gross, uncomfortable, and racist kind of likable anyway? I’d argue Hussie succeeded, in large part because of Equius’s relationship with Nepeta. By the time you finish with Hivebent, you’ll probably have a little fondness for their moraillegiance. And if that doesn’t do it, the conversation that serves as their swansong in Equius: Seek the Highblood will tear your heartstrings to shreds.

Because Equius dies, tragically clownmurdered. There was, at the time, some stink over this from Equius fans. Would he have really let himself be killed so easily? Hussie countered: yes, and it was the most in-character thing he could have done. He died doing what he loved: being asphyxiated erotically and horrifically by a superior. Truly, there could be no more fitting end to his character than that.

And yet.

No sooner did Hussie complete his self-appointed story cleanup challenge than he immediately began to undo his own work. It’s almost as if, in declaring his intention to own those who preferred more characters to narrative economy, he immediately had to own himself??

By the time we get even a little way into Act 6, we’re deep in the dreambubble landscape, meeting dead characters left and right. And who should show up there but Equius and Nepeta? Equius attempting to get it on with a bunch of Aradias, who dump him. And Nepeta, living out her romantic dreams as a representative of a timeline where she got together with Karkat. They both appear as symbols of this deadness, this irrelevance. Except that that brings them back into the story, into the spotlight – the opposite of where they’re supposed to be!

Like many bits of commentary, Hussie continues to incorporate the metaphor Nepeta=Irrelevance into Homestuck. Karkat’s remark on their journey that he would love to meet “FIFTY FUCKING NEPETAS” and embark on “NEPETAQUEST” alludes to formspring remarks to the effect that, no, Homestuck was not going to have much time for the minor characters. Except it clearly did.

Why couldn’t the narrative let the meowrails go? Was it that despite the economy of Murderstuck, something was still incomplete? After all, one of Equius’s charms was that he appeared to be growing into a less repressed, kinder person. In Seek the Highblood, we see him letting his guard down enough to roleplay with Nepeta for a change. Their love for each other: wasn’t that ultimately what could redeem Equius in our eyes? So his dying and thus failing to protect her–isn’t that something that should be addressed?

You could imagine many a Nepeta and Equius fan saying this to Hussie back in 2011.

But Hussie was already saying it to himself.

The duo come roaring back into the story in the Trickster mode arc, mid Act 6, thanks to Gamzee’s ridiculous resurrections. True, Nepeta is still reduced as part of Fefeta, the character formed from killed-off girls who never speaks onscreen. But doesn’t using that fact as a running gag kind of draw our attention to it? Doesn’t the fact that Fefeta talks to Roxy constantly offscreen inform us that once we get outside the frame of the narrative, Nepeta has a rich inner life and countless stories to tell?

And it’s here that Equius gets something he never got in his original “arc:” the chance to apologize to Nepeta. You’d be forgiven for missing it since there’s so much else going on at the time, but he does, while fused with AR. Here’s what you’d miss, though: he’s grown as a person in the afterlife. He’s come to regret that moment of weakness, where his fetish kept him from protecting his moirail. Impossible as it seems, he’s continuing his character arc.

The scene ends with Fefeta exploding (she’s also, after all, dealing with Eridan), but it leaves us with a tantalizing question:

Will Nepeta forgive Equius? Is there even a plausible time and space in that story when she could respond to his words?

Do you see what’s happening here? Instead of being erased, Nepeta and Equius are starting to slip the bounds of the story that killed them. They leap in and out of the frame, half-mythical figures. Marginalized, they write their own stories in the margins. They exist in complete defiance of the original logic of Homestuck.

Lord English is an alt-Author figure, a dark, brutal reflection of narrative control and narrative necessity. His world, in which horrible choices are necessary, in which the alpha timeline is a ticking clock leading inexorably to his manifestation, is one that beats down people not deemed important enough by his narrative. Which makes it identical to the one we’re reading. Throw all the unnecessary characters in the trash. Kill them off, if it suits my purposes. The world doesn’t need Nepeta.

Which is precisely why it does. Because isn’t defying Lord English the entire point? Isn’t it what Homestuck reveals as truly heroic?

What might Nepeta be capable of?

Let’s talk about two other victims of English’s forces of marginalization. Davesprite might be the most quintessential example. He teaches us what the alpha timeline is and how it works, by going back to fix a doomed timeline and submitting to being doomed himself. Except he merges with a bird and avoids that fate. Okay, but he clearly gets killed off fighting Jack in Jade: Enter. Except he comes back and hangs out with Jadesprite. Okay, but he dies in the planetsplode in the Retcon. Nope, he comes back from that, too. Huh. He keeps slipping the fate decreed for him by – who else? Lord English.

But it’s a struggle, clearly. He’s caught up in various cycles of guilt and shame. Over being “not the real Dave.” Over his feeling that he has to be a hero in the sense Bro demanded he be. Hussie describes Davesprite as fitting the “way of the unbroken sword:” his experiences have led him to believe in being strong and capable at the expense of all else, in contrast with the other Dave, whose belief in Bros’ toxic ideas is beginning to slip – the “way of the broken sword.” And where did Bro get his toxic ideas from? At least in part, the whispering voice of the soul of Lord English.

Now we turn to Dirk. Like Dave, Dirk has a marginalized, “less important” splinter self but it’s more of a pressing concern. AR shows Dirk’s darker side: exhibiting manipulative tendencies that human Dirk is trying to move away from. He’s also a copy removed from humanity, who feels an understandable amount of disillusionment about being removed from physical existence and his own identity. But as much as Dirk may splinter, like his dumb anime sword, he never breaks. What this means in the symbolic language of Homestuck is that Dirk lives fully, instinctually, in the way of the sword. He believe in a world of hard choices, masculine heroism, and necessity. Ultimately, this, too, is part of what makes Bro so harmful to Dave. In AR and Davesprite, we have a strange parallel: two splinter selves, both of whom are enmeshed in the logic of LE.

Except AR, unlike Davesprite…kind of is LE.

What is Lord English composed of? Well, there’s Caliborn, the most unrepentant shithead of all time. There’s Gamzee, embodiment of horrifying clownery. And then there’s AR, a version of Dirk even more removed from the person he wants to be.

And…Equius?

Allow me a moment to get really indulgent and take a big puff on my Homestuck scholar’s pipe.

The metaphorical meaning of Equius in Homestuck is: sort of growing out of being a creepy racist.

Or maybe let’s say: the opportunity to do that. We said that Equius was on the verge of being redeemed (even had been, in the eyes of many readers). What does it mean to stick him in with Lord English’s souls? It means two things:

1) Equius is a product of his society, which was shaped by Doc Scratch, aka by Lord English, both of whom are kind of him, but Scratch picks up on his traits especially. This is a recognition of that fact: the part of him that sucks is, itself, Lord English in a dizzying loop.

2) Equius’s story is a tragedy. It is the story of a kid who started to escape his society’s tendencies, but was sucked back in by the evil force behind them.

Although…maybe that’s not the whole story.

Because both Equius and AR aren’t really that bad. AR’s pretty understandable, and by no means beyond the possibility of goodness. And the combination of the two? Honestly, pretty harmless. They counter each other’s worst tendencies by devolving into a weird goofball. In fact, AR even says he wants to do something heroic: to sacrifice himself for something really important. He does, kind of, mustering a last-ditch robohorse assault on Caliborn. But at the same time, this is the substance of his tragedy. A hero whose defeat of a great evil forces him to become the substance of that evil. Which could not be a more fitting summary of how these characters function in their story.

But maybe that’s still not the whole story.

Enter Davepeta.

At first glance, the creation of Davepeta seems like Hussie’s most batshit troll move yet. I feel pretty confident in saying that even those who predicted either of these characters returning didn’t see that one coming. However, a few pages of Davepeta’s presence reveals a fundamental truth:

Davepeta is fucking amazing.

In them, Davesprite’s depressive moods are buoyed up by Nepeta’s upbeat optimism. Nepeta’s reclusive shyness is balanced by Dave’s tendency toward brash banter. Both of them gain confidence from being the new person they are. They quickly let go of ideas inherited from the world that kept them from self-knowledge and happiness. Dave, his toxic masculinity; Nepeta, her fear.

A great point I’ve seen made is how much Jasprose and Davepeta resemble fantasy selves for Rose and Dave: indulgent, technicolor manifestations of people they could be if they let go of inhibitions and limitations. But I think Davepeta is the most unambiguously positive of the two.

The metaphorical meaning of Davepeta in Homestuck?

Growth.

Not giving a fuck about what the world thinks. The world, aka Lord English. Because Lord English could never have predicted that his machinations would also spawn a confident, powerful fusion of two beings he had discarded as totally irrelevant.

They’re also a multicolored non-binary furry, so that’s even more points in the pissing off shitheads column.

They are someone Lord English never conceived of, never could have conceived of, but which lay as potential within his domain all along.

And if Lord English is a reflection of the author, of what Hussie feels one has to destroy or sacrifice, than Davepeta is an indulgence existing in defiance of all that.

And this makes Davepeta the most powerful person of all.

They are the light at the end of the tunnel. They are the person you could be, if you could get past your mental shackles and just grow. It may not be possible to ever get there as a mortal human, may only be for a godlike sprite, but striving to be like them matters, is purpose and fulfilment enough.

And they love ARquius.

Nepeta believed in Equius, believed he could grow, and was growing. So as much as ARquius traps himself in a Lord English loop of his own making – grown, perhaps, out of Dirk’s belief that there should be a loop, that importance is admirable—Davepeta pulls from him, in his last scene, his finest qualities. His love.

Equius asks forgiveness again, and this time, Nepeta’s able to give it. Davepeta easily accepts ARquius’s apology, an apology which never could have existed within the confines of a normal narrative. A reconciliation that both of them fought for by defying their narrative, by existing outside it. By being not the trolls who lived and died, but their broader, conceptual selves, who exist beyond lifetimes. Beyond the comic page. And they consummate that reconciliation with that most cherished and loving of gestures:

A hug.

And even as this is Equius and Nepeta’s reconciliation, it’s also Dirk and Dave’s. Which, I should mention, is also taking place, simultaneously and circumstantially simultaneously, just below. It’s a more difficult one, certainly, especially as filtered through the splinters of Davesprite and AR. Here forgiveness is not quite the right word. But – knowledge, and recognition, and a kind of peace. It’s Davesprite’s chance to reunite with the part of his brother he loved, while also being a person who’s grown beyond him. And it’s AR’s chance to be loved.

Oh, sure, the art is ridiculous, the pose absurd. But that’s what makes it sublime.

I mean, what did you think that Sbahj comic was really about?

A boy distancing himself from his feelings through irony, never acknowledging that the story he’s telling is about two bros who desperately want to hug each other, but don’t know how.

Here’s the hug.

I want to dip into Epilogues territory for a moment, but it’s territory which is fairly well implied by Davepeta’s statements and role in Collide. The Meat Epilogue, I think, only illuminates what was already there.

Lord English is uniquely vulnerable to Davepeta.

And why shouldn’t he be? They, like so much else in Homestuck, are a consequence of his actions spiraling far beyond his control. But it’s more than that. Davepeta is finally able to lay the unbroken sword to rest by following the “prophecy” about Dave defeating Lord English. On the one hand, that’s kind of what happened. But it’s also completely different from what English intended, antithetical to his desires and goals. Which makes the victory all the sweeter. But at the end of the day, Davepeta doesn’t fight for the reasons Davesprite did. They’re free of that, now. Instead, they fight from a place of genuine compassion. Because Davesprite, like Dave, knows the true meaning of being a hero: caring about one’s friends.

But the most important thing about Davepeta is that they know Lord English, on a level that perhaps neither he nor they recognize. Both AR and Equius are in there, and both are capable of redemption. It’s only Gamzee and Caliborn who are truly beyond it.

How does Davepeta defeat Lord English?

With a hug.

They wrap their claws around him, and carry him into the sun like a piece of garbage. It’s an aggressive hold, but it’s also effectively an embrace.

And I have to wonder: in those final moments, did they sense a connection there? Did Equius and Dirk stir somewhere within Lord English? Did they give him a moment’s pause? Resist him? Make it just the tiniest bit easier for Davepeta to do their work?

If so, then that, too, is heroism.

At the very least, it’s circumstantially simultaneous with the hug we see in Act 6, and so it carries the same message:

Redemption.

Not for the shitheads, but for those who wanted to be better.

And if this isn’t enough, there’s a third reconciliation here, too: between author and reader, or to put it in other terms, author and character.

If Lord English is a shadow of the author, what part of the author can be redeemed? Maybe not the destructive, antagonistic urges. But the part that plans and designs and philosophizes as Dirk does. That part of Hussie wanted Davepeta to be there, to strike that final blow, and made it happen.

Because, when you get right down to it, as much as Hussie pretends to be antagonistic toward his readers and the characters they enjoy, it’s the fans, the shippers, the furries, those whose hearts go out to a cute, shy cat girl that he most celebrates.

Hussie fucking loves Nepeta.

Nepeta and Equius are, sneakily, the best characters in Homestuck, because they understand its fundamental message: that to succeed in Homestuck is to defy Homestuck. They defy everything it throws at them, and somehow, improbably, come out on top.

All of this is there on that page, a whole edifice of storytelling culminating in that singular, grand, supremely indulgent expression, a feast of looping leitmotif and color and imagery and meme and sound. It’s all there, if you know where to look.

Nepeta and Equius love each other, and that’s pretty fucking great.

See? I told you.

<> Ari

#nepeta #equius #davepeta #homestuck analysis #arquius #meowrails #davesprite #hal #trying to get out ahead of hussie's commentary for a change #happy 4/13 :33 #<3 #stay tuned #feast of homestuck 2020

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ao3feed-bnha-girls · 3 years

Text

Hot as Hotel

Hot as Hotel by GFCasserole

A heatwave is on its way and Uraraka has to come up with a plan to survive. With no viable options, she accepts the offer to stay at a hotel with Bakugou. Only for the A/C, of course.

Words: 7928, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 1 of Casserole's 2021 Kacchako Week Buffet

Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/M

Characters: Uraraka Ochako, Bakugou Katsuki, Ashido Mina, Kirishima Eijirou, Midoriya Izuku, Todoroki Shouto, Yaoyorozu Momo

Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki & Uraraka Ochako, Bakugou Katsuki/Uraraka Ochako

Additional Tags: Kacchako Week 2021, Heatwave, Swimming Pools, Hotels, Blackouts, Minor Todoroki Shouto/Yaoyorozu Momo, Minor Ashido Mina/Kirishima Eijirou, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Soft Bakugou Katsuki, Pro Hero Uraraka Ochako, Pro Hero Bakugou Katsuki, Characters Are Pro Heroes, Attraction, Confessions, Minor Injuries, One Shot

Read Here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32869975

#AO3 Feed #FanFiction #AO3 Kacchako #♥#Kacchako #🎈#⚤#R:T #A:GFC #Kacchako Week 2021

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moorehollandplz · 5 years

Text

That Was That :-:T.H:-:

Authors Note: This is for the @starsholland 2k Writing Challenge. I chose the dialogue prompt #20 “It’s annoying how much I love you.” This is also an enemies to lovers trope. Which… tbh is my favorite thing to read and write! And, Maddie is very good at writing that. Visit my Masterlist!!!

Summary: Of all the things you could possibly want to do on a Friday night… having sex with Tom Holland was not one of them… until recently, that is.

⚠️ Warning: SMUT(start to finish), ADULT LANGUAGE, angst, mean words, hair pulling, biting, blood, scratching, spanking, rough sex, female receiving oral, praise kink, fluff

Word Count: 7928… (this really got away from me! I swear it was only supposed to be 1500)

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Tom pushed you back harshly into the wall, knocking the wind from your lungs.

This has all happened before.

He pinned your wrists above your head his grip tight and unrelenting, sure to leave light bruises on your skin.

And, this will all happen again.

You stared up at him with a blazing hate fire in your eyes, attempting to burn him alive.

But, this time it happened in London.

The corners of his mouth turned up into his classic infuriating little smirk that meant he had you right where he wanted you. His dark coffee brown eyes glittered with a teasing mischief that drenched you with a mixture of anger and anticipation.

You squeezed your thighs together to get some sort of relief from the pressure that started forming between your legs. You could feel the pool of arousal forming quickly. Too quickly for your liking and you wanted to slap his stupid face, to make that annoying lopsided smirk disappear. You tried to pull your arms free so you could do just that, but he was far too strong.

His smile only widened, watching you struggle against him, his perfect teeth peaked out from behind his lips, brightening his whole face. He slid his foot forward, slipping his knee between your legs to better keep you still, as he leaned into you.

“This is the last time, Holland.” You spat at him, venom lacing your words.

His face was so close to yours that you could feel his breath on your lips as he let out a small laugh. “You said that last time, luv.” He countered, tilting his head to the side, and brushing his lips against the skin of your neck. “And, the time before that.” He pressed his parted lips to your neck, causing your breath to hitch in your throat. You inwardly cursed yourself for letting him have such an affect on you. “And, the time before that.” He kissed your neck again, smiling against your skin as your body relaxed, letting your head fall to the side to give him better access.

“Yeah… well…” You bit your lip to stifle a moan that threatened to escape. “This time… I mean it.” You stumbled over your words as he trailed open mouthed kisses down to your collarbone.

“Whatever you say, Y/n.” He teased, lightly dragging his tongue from your collarbone up to your jaw.

“I… I’m serious.” You grumbled, your words lacking conviction as he nibbled your ear, sucking the lobe between his teeth and running his tongue along the edge.

“Sure thing, Y/n” He whispered, his hot breath on your ear making your eyes flutter shut. He attached his lips to the spot just below your ear, eliciting a soft breathy moan from your lips, against your will, as he nipped and sucked the sensitive skin.

You had told him from the beginning to not leave any marks, but he always left you covered in big dark purple reminders of your time together. And, you never stopped him from doing so.

“Tom…” You breathed out his name, making him pull back from your neck.

“Yes, darling?” Tom looked down at you with a quirked brow, and that damn smirk back in place at the use of his first name.

Fuck! He was gorgeous. And the problem was… he knew it. “I fucking hate you.” You gritted out through clenched teeth giving him a death glare. You were seriously regretting opening the door to him. But, he had never sought you out by coming to your house before. These hate filled hookups usually took place at parties or group hangouts after a screaming match between the two of you causing one of you to storm off in a huff. Then finding each other in a random bedroom, bathroom, closet, or even that one time a laundry room where you would both ‘work’ out your differences through the roughest, hardest, and most amazing sex either of you had ever had.

Tom laughed his stupid boyish laugh. “I know. I know.”

“Let’s just get this over with...” You rolled your eyes, letting out an exasperated sigh, as your eyes landed on his smirking lips. You bit your lip, want so desperately to kiss those lips, but he was in control. For the time being, anyway.

Tom shook his head, causing his chocolate curls to dance on his head as he let out another laugh. “No way…” He whispered as he brushed his nose against yours. “If this really is the last time… I’m gonna make the most of it.” He released your wrists, keeping contact with your body as he slid his hands down to your hips.

You instinctively tried to squeeze your thighs together again, but all you did was squeeze Toms thigh. Toms eyes locked with yours, slight surprise behind the darkness of them as shaky breaths left your parted lips. You let your arms settle on his shoulders, wrapping around his neck. Your flingers absentmindedly playing with the curls at the nape of his neck as he tugged your hips forward slightly so your pussy was flush against his thigh.

“Don’t you have a party to get to?” You inquired, knowing his brothers had mentioned something about a ‘Coming Home’ party, since he had been away so long. Doing, whatever it is, movie stars do. You were desperately trying to ignore the electric pleasure in your pussy, causing the pool there to deepen.

Tom ran a hand through his hair, pushing his loose chocolate curls back into place. You’d picked up on that nervous habit of his, and it made you swell with pride that you could make the Great Tom Holland nervous. His smile widened and took on a devilish air as he shook his head again. “Told everyone I was coming home tomorrow.” His eyes darkened as they darted down to your lips his hand landing back on your hip. “We have all night, darling.”

Your eyes widened. He wanted to stay all night? Did he mean until morning? That had never happened before. None of this had ever happened before. It was all undiscovered territory. So, you had to be careful not to let anything slip that he could, or more likely, would use against you. You had to make sure to keep your feelings locked tightly away.

“What did I say about pet names?” You growled through gritted teeth.

Tom shrugged one shoulder as he tugged on your hips, causing you to suck in a sharp breath and a shiver to run up your spine at the delicious sensation of your pussy sliding up his thigh.

“How about you just enjoy the ride, darling?” He drew out that last word like a ‘fuck you, I’ll call you whatever I want,’ as he ground your hips back and forth on his thigh repeatedly. A jolt of pleasure shot through you at the feeling of your pussy moving over his thigh, and you were sure that your pooling arousal was seeping through your tight leggings and onto his jeans. You were so fucking wet, and he didn’t even need to do much to make you that way. To be honest, you were drenched the moment you opened the door, and revealed him leaning against the doorframe with that stupid smirk on his gorgeous face. You decided to blame it on the fact that it had been a while since you got off. And, that’s all. Nothing to do with him.

“Fuck…” You cursed, letting your head fall forward onto his shoulder. “Holland...” You breathed, biting his shoulder hard, causing his movements to falter slightly. You smiled against his shoulder at his reaction, before running your tongue over the bite mark, soothing the tender skin. “Get on with it!”

“Gladly…” He hissed from the pain in his shoulder, but his face still held that fucking smirk. He finally crashed his lips to yours as he lifted you off the ground, hands cupped under your thighs. You wrapped your legs around his waist, his hands finding their way to your ass, as he moved deeper into your small apartment. “Bedroom?” He mumbled against your lips between kisses.

“Hallway thmph...last… door… onmph… right.” You mumbled back some words being swallowed by Tom and his needy kisses.

Without looking where he was going, he moved you both into the bedroom his lips firmly attached to yours, tongues dancing wildly together the whole way. He tumbled with you onto the bed, again knocking the wind out of you.

“Christ…” You gasped at the force of him landing on top of you.

You felt his body shake under your hands as he chuckled. “Oops.” He smirked against your lips, kissing you again.

Not wanting to let him keep the upper hand you threaded your fingers into his hair, tugging on the curls, causing Tom to groan in pleasure. You loved getting that reaction out of him, his moans, groans, pants and grunts were like music to your ears. You tugged on his hair again causing a small hesitation in Toms kisses. And, you took that opportunity to suck his lower lip between your teeth, biting down harder than you should.

“Fuck!” He cursed leaning back on his knees as he brought his fingers up to his lip. He looked down at his finger that was stained bright red with blood. His eyes flicked back to yours his eyebrows pulled together in confusion and his lips parted in shock. “You actually bit me!?” He asked with wide darkened eyes.

“Maybe…” You smirked up at him, knowing he was going to get you back for that and you couldn't wait to see how.

Tom ran his tongue over his bottom lip, narrowing his eyes at you. “You really are…” He placed his hands on your hips, and slowly slipped them up under your shirt. “Quite difficult, darling.”

That fucking pet name again, making fire course through your veins. But, you weren’t sure if it was the usual hate fire or something new. All you knew was that you didn’t want him to stop saying it.

His hands were hot on your skin as they slid up your stomach, taking your shirt with them. He pulled the thin fabric over your head, tossing it to the floor, as he let his eyes wander over your newly exposed skin. His eyes settled on your chest and that fucking smirk came back to play at the sight of your bare breasts rising and falling as you took in short ragged breaths.

“Less staring, more fucking.” You seethed grabbing his shirt and pulling him back down to you.

Tom fell forward, his elbows landing on either side of your head, and his lips crashing back to yours. You slid your tongue along his bottom lip and smiled at the faint taste of iron. His hand cupped your cheek as he parted his lips, darting his tongue into your mouth to dance with yours. A dance that was actually a battle for dominance. A battle for dominance he was winning. He usually won.

His hand moved to grip your chin as he pulled back, breathing heavy to catch his breath. “What’s the magic word, luv?” He asked his eyes glittering and bright with humor as a devilish smile took over his face.

“Fuck you, Holland.” You gritted out between clenched teeth, eyes filled with that same hate fire, masking any other feeling that tried to come forward.

Toms smile widened as he released your chin slowly sliding his hand down the curve of your neck, tracing your collarbone, and descending to cup your left breast. His thumb gently brushed over your nipple, and you gasped at the contact as your back arched into his touch. Every touch, every kiss, every word he spoke was like a jolt of electricity being shot through you, sending shivers down your spine, and settling in the pit of your stomach.

“Fuck me?” He asked, lightly kissing your neck, trailing a few kisses to your collarbone where he left behind another hickey, blooming into a deep purple. “More like…” More kisses further down until he hovered over your right breast. “Fuck you, Y/n.” His voice was low and sounded almost dangerous. He stuck his tongue out flicking it over your nipple, before sucking the little bud into his mouth.

You couldn’t stop the loud moan that ripped its way out of your throat as you threaded your fingers through his tousled chocolate curls, roughly tugging on them to hold his face to your chest, arching further into him at the sensation of his hot wet tongue gliding over your nipple. Tom let out a long pleasure filled moan. He really loved it when you pulled his hair. And, had even told you once that you were the only girl he ever let touch it.

A smile cracked your face as you remembered that. In the moment you had rolled your eyes, thinking he was just serving you a line. But, at the next party Tom showed up with a girl, who kept trying to run her fingers through his gorgeous hair, and he would always dodge her playful fingers. You smiled at the sight, feeling special. Even though you shouldn’t have. Because, you hated him, he hated you, and it meant nothing.

Later, that night, when he had abandoned that girl to fuck you in the laundry room of whoever’s house you were in, you tested his words. You reached up, running your fingers through his hair tugging him closer to you. And he not only let you, but he let out a soft whimper followed by a moan each time your grip tightened in his hair.

And, you felt special all over again.

You were brought back to the present when Tom lightly bit down on your nipple, pinching your other between his fingers.

“Shit, Holland… what...” You hissed, arching into him again as your grip on his hair tightened.

“Payback, luv.” He said with a chuckling tone.

You leaned up on your elbows, pulling your eyebrows together as your face fell into slight disappointment. “Aw… I thought you’d be a little more creative, Tommy.”

Tom narrowed his eyes at you. You knew he hated that nickname, and you made it a point to always use it in these moments when both of you were pissed off and horny. Always seemed to make him go relentlessly harder, faster, and deeper. Hitting places inside you that could make you scream in ecstasy. He slowly leaned over you, bringing his face back to yours as he hovered over your lips. “I’m not done yet, darling.” Tom slid his hand from your breast and down your stomach, stopping as he reached the elastic band of your leggings.

His eyes were locked on yours as he slipped his hand into your pants, a smile made its way to his face at the feeling of you not wearing underwear. His fingers brushed over your slick folds, but not where you needed them most, making you squirm beneath him.

You bucked your hips as he dipped his fingers between your folds, making you gasp at the feather light contact with your clit and his eyes widened as his jaw dropped.

“Fuuuck…” He groaned as he swirled his fingers around in your juices, soft needy moans falling from your lips at his touch. “You’re so fucking wet, darling... I’ve barely touched you.” He slowly pulled his hand out from your leggings and examined his dripping fingers.

You let out a soft whimper at the loss of contact, his eyes drifted back to yours as he brought his fingers to his mouth, parting his lips he slowly licked them before pushing them fully into his mouth. Tom hummed around his fingers pulling them from his mouth with a pop. “You taste so fucking good.” His voice was gruff, drenched in lust.

You felt a hot blush rise to your cheeks under his intense gaze. You could see all the want and need in his eyes, and you knew he could see the same in yours. You felt butterflies explode in your stomach, and the feelings you kept hidden away, deep down inside since that night in the laundry room, seeped into your mind and heart. You could not love him, because there was no way he could ever love you. You hated each other.

That was that.

So, you covered your feelings with words that professed the opposite. “Shut the fuck up, and put that mouth to better use.” You growled as your eyes flicked from his eyes to his lips.

Toms eyes widened in shock for a moment before he threw his head back, and let out a beautifully genuine laugh that bounced off all four walls and attacked you from all directions. It was so pure you couldn’t help the smile that appeared on your face.

Tom straightened up, leaning back on his heels, a wide boyish smile splitting his face. “Roger, that.” He raised two fingers to his forehead giving you a mock salute. He gripped your leggings pulling them down and off your legs in one swift motion. He leaned forward placing a kiss to the valley of your breasts, leaving a trail of kisses down your stomach as he shimmied himself between your legs. He paid special attention to your right hip leaving behind yet another hickey for you to admire later. He blew cool air onto your dripping core, sending a shiver through your body as he positioned his head between your thighs. He placed a kiss on the inside of each thigh as he lifted your legs over his shoulders, and your eyes fluttered closed, knowing what was coming next.

Toms long fingers dipped between your folds again, finding your clit immediately. He rubbed small soft circles there until your hips started bucking up into them searching, begging for more friction.

“Tom…” Your voice was barely a whisper, pleading for him to do something more. Anything more. You looked down at his beautiful face that was so focused on your pussy. “Tommy…”

Toms eyes met yours, and a sweet smile spread across his face at the almost affectionate tone in your voice as you said his name. He gave you a silent nod as he spread your folds apart, refocusing his attention back to the task at hand. “You know…” he started, looking back up to you, and you could feel his hot breath on your pussy as he spoke. “You’re beautiful…” His tongue darted out and flicked over your clit. Your hips bucked off the bed, and your fingers twisted into the bed sheet at the sheer pleasure he caused with such a simple action. His hands came up to grip your hips holding you in place as he pulled back a little. “Just like this.”

Your jaw dropped slightly at his words. Could he possibly feel something other than hatred for you? Nope. Not possible. You shook the thought away. Not wanting to give him the satisfaction of showing him you cared about him just so he could win this little game by breaking your heart.

You brought your hands to his hair, tangling your fingers into his completely messed up curls. “Stop… talking.” You said between short breathless gasps of air as you pulled his head down so his face was buried in your throbbing core.

Tom chuckled into you, but didn’t waste any time giving you what you so desperately needed. He flattened his tongue and licked a long stripe from your entrance to your clit. His tongue circling and flicking over the little bundle of nerves which drove you wild.

You threw your head back into the pillows, squeezing your eyes shut at the shocks of pleasure he was delivering. Your grip on his hair tightened and Tom groaned into you, the vibrations shooting through you making you arch your back off the bed as a string of moans and curses filled the room. Your hips wriggled trying to thrust closer to Tom's face.

Tom smiled against you, removing a hand from your hip as he laid his other arm across your hips holding you in place. He pulled back slightly and you opened your eyes to look down at him. He was gorgeous like this. Perched between your legs, his hair sticking up in all different directions from your fingers, his eyes darkened by lust for you, and his lips glistening with your slick arousal as he smiled up at you.

Your eyes stayed on his as he slipped two fingers into your core, your jaw falling open when his fingers curled inside you. You bit the back of your hand to stifle a loud moan as his fingers began to pump in and out of you, hitting the spot he knew could make you scream.

Toms mouth came back down on your clit licking and sucking as his fingers moved. Your head fell back against the pillows and your eyes screwed shut as you clamped your hand over your mouth to stop the cries of pleasure that so desperately wanted out. You were about to fall over the edge, you walls starting to clench around his fingers as they quickly moved in and out of you.

Almost.

You were teetering, ready to fall into sweet oblivion, when Tom abruptly removed his mouth and fingers. Your eyes flew open and you whimpered in disappointment at the loss of that sweet feeling. “Holland… what… the… fuck?” You asked between heavy breaths.

“Patience, darling.” He wiped his chin with the back of his hand, and he lifted himself up, letting your legs slide from his shoulders as he got to his knees. He leaned back on his heels, pulling his shirt off his incredibly fit body in one quick motion. His hands dropped to his belt, and his nimble fingers, that were just a moment ago working inside you so good, started unbuckling, undoing, and unzipping.

“But… I was so close.” You whined making Tom smile in satisfaction.

“And, you made me bleed… fair’s fair, sweetheart.” Tom laughed as he jumped from the bed to push his pants down.

The new pet name sparked a new fire inside your chest that quickly settled in the pit of your stomach adding to your current arousal. Fuck. You liked it. You wanted him to say it again. You so desperately needed some relief from the ache between your legs.

“Well, if you’re not gonna….” You moved your hand to take over where Tom had stopped, moaning as you began rubbing small fast circles on yourself trying to get relief from the pressure that had been built to its peak only to be cut off just before the fall. Just as you started to feel the pressure building to that sweet release, a now fully naked, Tom pulled your hand away.

“Nuh uh… that’s my job.” His tone dripping with lust and humor as he brought your fingers to his lips running his tongue up the sides then swirling it around the dripping digits collecting all the delicious juices that clung to them.

You let your eyes drift over his excruciatingly handsome face, down his chiseled body, and finally coming to rest on his very erect dick. You bit your lip to hold in the moan that was rising in your throat at the sight of it, twitching and swollen as it begged for your attention. You heard Toms laugh ring through the room, and you flicked your gaze back up to him. You rolled your eyes at him, trying to ignore the flip in your stomach at the feeling of his tongue on your fingers.

“If you were doing ‘your job’... I’d be screaming your name by now.” You taunted, smiling up at him wickedly as his face fell into a frown for a moment before his cocky smirk reappeared.

“You want to scream, darling?” His voice was low as he tugged on your hand, pulling you up into a sitting position. His lips connected to yours in a rough kiss, which had you moaning into his mouth at the intoxicating taste of yourself that lingered on his lips. His hands found their way to your hips again. He moved his lips to your ear. “All you had to do was ask….” His whisper was laced with lust sending another shock of pleasure through you as he slowly leaned you back onto the bed.

Before you knew it, Tom had flipped you over onto your stomach his lips trailing wet open mouthed kisses on your spine from the small of your back up to your neck. Each kiss leaving behind a small flame of desire that only added to the building pressure inside you.

“Fuck… Tom….” You mumbled into the pillows as each fiery kiss sent another pleasure filled shudder through you.

As Tom reached your ear again you felt his grip on your hips tighten. He jerked your hips up so you were on your knees and your ass was in the air as your face stayed in buried in the pillows. “Ready?” Tom asked, and waited for your reply, the tip of his dick poised at your entrance. You could feel him twitching to push into you. To fill you up.

He always asked if you were sure or ready before going all the way. He was very careful to never overstep that boundary unless you verbally confirmed you wanted it. You loved that. You loved him. Wait no… fuck that. You couldn’t love him. You were not allowed to get attached. Maybe this should really be the last time. You weren’t sure your heart could take much more of having him like this, just for him to leave you with a flippant ‘That was fun, see you later.’ Given you usually were the one telling him to leave. To get back to the party before anyone noticed the both of you were missing. And, he never fought to stay, or asked to sneak you out the back, spiriting you off to his house to take you all over again. And, that’s how you knew this was one sided.

You nodded and mumbled an inaudible consent into the pillows.

“Words, darling.” Tom commanded, slapping your ass as he leaned over your reddening back side to hear you better. You let out a muffled cry into the pillows at the sharp pain that quickly faded into pleasure. You heard Toms breathing hitch as you turned your head to the side strands of hair falling over your face, your lips swollen from his kisses, and cheeks red with the pleasure he had already given you.

“Yes.” Your voice was a breathless whisper as you stared up at him all hate fire in your eyes extinguished. Replaced with pure wanton desire. For him. Only him.

His lips parted as if he was going to say something, and his eyes held an emotion you’d only seen in them a handful of times. You could never decipher what it meant, because it was always gone like a flash of lightning.

Tom shook his head, clenching his jaw shut as he leaned back into position behind you. “Okay then.” Was all he said as he thrust into your drenched core, burying himself to the hilt. Toms eyes clamped shut, and his eyebrows knitted together as a groan of pleasure left his lips at the feel of your walls tightening around him. “Fuck….” He hissed through clenched teeth. “You feel so good… always so tight.”

You felt your chest tighten at his praise, and a warmth flowed through you. His words excited you. Made you feel wanted. Happy. And, that was dangerous.

He pulled his hips back, agonizingly slow, until the tip of his dick was almost all the way out, then slammed back into you in one harsh motion. He repeated that rhythm over and over and each time he slammed into you a cry of pleasure would fall from your kiss swollen lips, muffled by the pillows you were currently biting to keep him from hearing how good he made you feel. You were going crazy from how slow he was moving. You needed more.

You lifted your head up from the pillows so he would be able to hear you. “Fa… st… er.” Your voice came out in fragments as his slow thrusts became harder and harder. His hands pulling your hips back to meet his, with every thrust forward into you.

Tom immediately responded to your request with a grunt, increasing his speed and thrusting into you faster and faster, each one hitting harder than the last right into that perfect spot. His grip on your hips was so tight you were sure you would have purple finger shaped bruises on your skin.

Your face fell back into the pillows. Tears pricked your eyes at his relentlessly fast pace, whimpers and cries of pleasure filled pain falling into the pillows. He pounded into you, his powerful hips slamming into your ass over and over trying to hit as deep as he could. Tom’s hand met your ass again a resounding smack filled the room, and you couldn’t help the unbridled cry that ripped from your throat as you lifted your head in surprise at the harsh contact. Tom reached forward tangling his fingers in your hair, pulling slightly to keep your head up. “Let me… hear you… sweetheart.” Tom said between thrusts. His lust filled voice saying that new pet name made your walls tighten around his dick, and he let out a long groan. The room was now filled with your pornographic moans and cries of pleasure. You were close.

But, not close enough.

“Please! Fuck!” The words fell from your lips without you being able to stop them. “Please!! T…To...mm! Aaahhh!” You were begging and you knew you had lost this battle. You gave into him completely, and begged for him. “Please… please... please…. TOM!” Your voice was hoarse and broken by cries and whimpers, making you sound like you were in pain. Which you were, but it felt so good. And, you hoped he didn’t hear it. So, he wouldn’t stop. So, he would fuck you sensless, making you forget about the feelings that we’re bubbling up inside you, and make certain you wouldn’t be able to walk afterwards.

But, of course he heard you.

Tom froze. His hips stopped their relentless pounding, and he held completely still inside you. His grip on your hair loosened, and your face fell back into the pillows. He was afraid he had crossed a line. Afraid he had hurt you. He could see every shaky breath you took as your back slowly rose and fell. He slowly pulled out of you careful not to do anymore damage. Your hips collapsed onto the bed, your quivering legs no longer able to hold you up.

“Shit… hey…” He sounded so frantic. “Did… did I… hurt you?” He sounded so worried. “Shit… I’m so sorry…”

You wanted to answer him, put his mind at ease, but you couldn’t catch your breath. He had been fucking you so good. But, for whatever reason it wasn’t enough to push you over that final edge. And you had no idea why. You closed your eyes as you felt Toms hands on your shoulder and hip.

“Y/n?” He gently rolled you over to your back. His coffee colored eyes held so much concern for you, and his hand came up to brush the mess of hair from your face, before settling on your cheek. His eyes widened a little in shock when he was met with your lust filled gaze. Your eyes were glassy from held back tears, glittering in the dim light of the bedroom, and he could clearly see your desire for him blazing inside them like a raging wildfire.

“I’m… I’m fine…” you answered as your breathing slowly evened out. “Don’t you dare stop…”

Tom let out a relieved chuckle as he shook his head, making his chocolate curls fall onto his sweaty forehead. “Of course you are.” He said barely above a whisper. He leaned over capturing your lips in soft kiss. He ran his tongue over your bottom lip, and you opened up to him immediately, letting him deepen the kiss.

This kiss was different.

It wasn’t born from fiery hatred or harsh words. It was long and passionate, letting every emotion you knew you felt for him bubble to the surface. And, you weren’t sure if he felt those emotions too, or if he just felt bad for being so rough. Yeah sure, he hated you, but you knew he never wanted to hurt you.

“Tom?” You pulled back from the kiss to look up at him. “I…” You paused biting your lip, trying to decide if you wanted to give this to him. To give him this last piece of you. To tell him how you feel. His soft brown eyes looked down at you so deep and full of that strange emotion from earlier, that you felt yourself getting lost in them. A smile pulled at the corners of his mouth, but it wasn’t that cocky shit eating smirk. It was soft and genuine and his eyes shone with excitement.

“What is it, luv?” His voice was like silk washing over you making you feel so warm. Like you could tell him everything. But, you couldn’t. Not yet. So, you went with the safe bet.

The sex.

“I… I need you inside me.” You watched Tom’s face fall slightly, clearly not what he wanted to hear. And maybe he wanted you to confess so he could crush you the moment you were done. He dipped his head down kissing you once more.

“As you wish.” He murmured against your lips as he gripped his dick, aligning the tip with your entrance.

Your heart skipped as he used your favorite line from the Princess Bride. The line the hero used to express his love to the girl. You felt the sting of tears forming behind your eyes. No way he knew that bit of information about you. Or, the meaning that those words held.

You closed your eyes to prepare yourself, fully expecting him to pick up where he had left off, with another round of rough thrusts and a harsh grip on your already bruising hips. But, you were surprised when he slowly, carefully slid back into you. You felt his hot breath on your face as he leaned over you peppering your face with kisses.

“Open your eyes.” He whispered across your skin as he laid more sweet kisses on your cheeks.

You shook your head afraid that if you opened your eyes your resolve to stay silent about your feelings for him would melt away leaving you utterly exposed, and at his mercy.

“Please, Y/n… I want to see those beautiful eyes.” His sweet, honey filled words coaxed you do to as he said, and if you were honest with yourself that particular tone could get you to do anything. You let your eyes flutter open focusing on the white ceiling above you, before dropping to meet his eyes. “That’s a good girl.” His whisper ghosted over your lips, and you felt yourself shudder at the praise.

It was new. It was exactly what you wanted. Needed. You felt your walls clench around his dick as the pleasure coursed through you. Toms eyebrows knitted together in confusion at your reaction. You hoped he wouldn’t figure it out. Hoped he would just take you hard and fast like before so you could hide all your feelings for him, locking them away deep inside you.

But, of course he figured it out.

His eyes widened in realization, that you wanted to be praised. Putting his new theory to the test he tried it again. “Always, such a good girl for me.” His voice filled your ears the words laced with sincerity. You clenched around him again, pulling a deep moan from him. Tom smiled down at you, and you could have just died right there. Now, he knew that you wanted him to praise you. And, you knew if you let this continue after tonight you’d end up a crying mess in the end. So, you might as well enjoy this while it lasts.

You let your eyes wander over his face, and he was beautiful. His hair a sweaty tangled mess falling over his forehead, his lips swollen and wet, his flushed cheeks dusted pink, and his dark coffee brown eyes that looked down at you with a softness that, if you didn’t know better, you’d say he actually cared about you. You snaked your arms around his body, hands flat against his back, hugging him to you as close as you could get him, as he fell into a steady rhythm. Not fast and demanding or slow and teasing, but perfectly paced, driving you towards that precious edge once more.

You closed your eyes as you felt the pressure building again, quicker than ever before as praises slipped out of him, and soft moans fell from both of you. Tom adjusted his speed going slightly faster chasing his high, each thrust of his hips was deep and deliberate, hitting that special spot inside you, and was threatening to make you come undone. Your nails dug into his back, and your walls clenched around him again.

“You close?” He breathed next to your ear, and you clenched again, making Toms hips falter for a moment before resuming their pace. Tom groaned burying his face in the crook of your neck.

“Y.. y… yes.” You stuttered out as you raked your nails down his back, gripping his tight muscular ass to assist his slowing thrusts. “Fuck Yes! Keep going!”

“Shit… I’m so close…” you felt Toms hips struggling to keep up the pace.

“Please Tommy… don’t stop! AH! YES!!!” You chanted in his ear. You felt his muscles tense up under your fingers, and you knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. “Touch me, Tommy… touch me!” You whispered, and Tom gave you a quizzical look. You flicked your eyes down to the space where his hips kept driving into yours, and Tom nodded, picking up what you were putting down.

Tom reached between your bodies his thumb finding your clit, and rubbing tight fast circle on it as he tried to get you to your high before he fell apart. You dragged your nails back up his back, and into his hair. Your eyes screwed shut at the added sensation.

“OH FUUUUCK!!” You screamed, and you could feel yourself teetering on the edge of that sweet oblivion once again. “Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck…” you chanted as you felt the bubble about to burst your grip tightening on his soft curls.

“Come on darling….” He hovered above your lips as he whispered his encouragement. “Cum for me… you’ve been so good… please… cum for me… sweetheart.”

That was that.

That sweet whisper of his new pet name for you falling from his perfect lips, and begging you to cum, made you scream his name as you crashed over the edge, pleasure filled spams coursing through your body. White lightning crashed behind your eyes as the shocks of pleasure shot through you over and over in waves. It was the most powerful orgasm you had ever had. Maybe it had something to do with being denied twice before finally reaching it. Or maybe it was this new gentle side of Tom as he chanted praises into your ear while he fucked you.

You didn’t care. It was amazing.

Tom picked up his speed chasing his own release, which didn’t take long. Everything about you in that moment was coaxing him to his orgasm. Your lips parted, a string of curses and his name falling from them, your back arched off the bed, pressing your perfect breasts against him, and your walls were clenching and unclenching around him.

“Oh… fu… uuuuk…” He moaned as he reached his high, tumbling over the edge right after you, as he crashed his lips to yours, his tongue slipping through your parted lips. He wrapped his strong arms tightly around your waist, holding you in that slightly arched position as his hips kept thrusting sporadically, releasing his cum deep inside you. That was also a first, and you didn’t really care. Everything about this moment was so perfect.

You held him close to you, your lips moving over his as you both rode out your highs together, your hands still firmly buried in his hair. Tom finally collapsed on top of you burying his face in your hair.

“Holy shit…” he puffed out against your neck. He lifted his head, looking into your eyes as a smile stretched across his face. “That… was…”

“Different?” You cut him off, averting your eyes as the luster of the previous moment was wearing off, and reality set in.

Tom was thrown off by your tone as well as your word choice. “Well, yeah… but I was gonna say ‘amazing’… because, that was bloody amazing!” Tom pecked your lips, and you felt that sting behind your eyes again. And, the butterflies that fluttered in your stomach began to make you feel nauseous, knowing this would end like it always did.

You slowly untangled your fingers from his hair, wanting to feel as much of his soft curls as possible, before you put an end to this. “Um… you… uh… you should leave.” You moved your hands to his chest, and started pushing him off you.

“What? Why?” He asked leaning back to look down at you.

“Don’t want either of us to get the wrong idea.” You snapped back as you avoided his eyes. Focusing, instead, on your hands firmly pressed against his chest.

“And, what idea is that?” Tom teased leaning back in for another kiss. You dodged him, and he pulled back his eyebrows pulled up in surprise, confusion filling his dark eyes.

“You know damn well what ‘idea’ I mean?” You said pushing him harder. “Get off!”

“What the fuck, Y/n?” Tom lifted himself off of you taking a moment to slowly slide his dick out of you, and you both gasped at the feeling. “I really don’t get you.” He said, his tone sounding almost hurt, as he stood from the bed, and picked up his scattered clothes.

“There’s nothing to get.” You snapped again, trying to push him even further away, now emotionally. Even though, you still let your eyes rake over his body as he moved around the room.

Tom shot a look at you that said ‘seriously?’ then shook his head when you averted your eyes. He sighed as he sat on the edge of the bed his clothes in his hands.

“You know…” He started as he ran his hand through his hair to push the sweat drenched curls back off his forehead. “I am fully aware that we hate each other, but sometimes I wish you’d tell me what’s going on in your head.” You glanced back at him. He wasn’t looking at you, his eyes focused on the crumpled clothes in his hands.

I love you.

“You say all these mean things to me, almost like you’re trying to pick a fight. But, I can see in your eyes you don’t mean them. It looks like it hurts you to say them. Like… maybe… you want to say something else instead.” His eyes finally found yours as he took your hand in his, squeezing it gently, and you knew you were done for.

I love you.

“You can tell me what’s on your mind, you know… no judgement when we’re like this.” He shakes his head at your silence. “Or… don….”

You couldn’t help yourself. He broke through your walls like they were made of paper.

“I love you.” You said in a harsh whisper, surprising even yourself at the sudden confession. Well, shit. You said that out loud.

Toms eyes went wider than you had ever seen them. “W...what?” You heard his breathing hitch as he spoke, and his grip on your hand loosened.

“Fuck…” You breathed as you pulled your hand away from his wrapping your arms around your naked body trying to create any kind of armor you could in this moment. “I… I um…. you’re annoying.” You tried to deflect by starting a fight. “Just go.” You broke eye contact with him looking down at your fuzzy blanket. When he didn’t say anything, and stood up from the bed, you knew he was going to leave. This was over. You effectively ended this… whatever it was. Go you! Tears began to well in your eyes at the thought of this coming to an end. You really didn’t want him to leave. Tears threatened to fall as you finally admitted to yourself that you wanted him. All of him. Always.

“Annoying?” He said as he stood next to you at the head of the bed. He cupped your cheek lifting your face so you would look at him. His eyebrows furrowed at the sight of your tear filled eyes. “You wanna know what’s really annoying, darling?” You closed your eyes at the sound of that pet name you used to hate, relishing in the sound of it rolling off his tongue, and knowing it was probably the last time. “It’s annoying…. how much I love you… when you always push me away.”

Your eyes flew open, the tears slipping down your cheeks. You shook your head, sure you didn’t hear that correctly. “What… you… no you don’t! You… just said you hat...”

Tom cut you off by softly pressing his lips to yours, feeling the sincerity in his kiss. “Yes. I do.” He locked eyes with you, and you could see the truth in them. You felt your face heat up under his loving gaze.

“Since when?” You wanted to know how long he’d had these feelings for you, not yet fully believing it wasn’t all just an act.

Tom laughed as small pink blush dusted his cheeks. He ran his hand through his messy curls again, pausing at the back to nervously scratch his neck. “Uuum… since that time in the laundry room… I think.” He stumbled over his words at the memory of what happened in that laundry room.

This was real. He loved you. You remembered feeling like something had changed that night. It was like a switch flipped, and everything just felt different. That’s the night he made you feel special. The night he apologized for bringing a date. The night you first saw that indecipherable emotion in his eyes that you now knew was adoration.

Love.

You smiled leaning in for another kiss. “We have that in common.” You mumbled against his lips, before pulling back to look into his beautiful coffee colored eyes.

“So….” He said leaning in for another kiss, but stopping short to brush his nose against yours. “Can I stay?” He whispered.

“Like, I could possibly let you go now.” You said throwing your arms around his neck, closing the distance between you as you tumbled back onto the bed in a fit of giggles and kisses.

He loved you. You loved him. You loved each other.

And, that was that.

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