#8:15-10 doing some intake shit

[rosicheeks]

😬

[incognit0slut]

Right Kind of Wrong (20)

She never thought she’d be involved in a murder investigation and encounter her one-night-stand again, the awkward guy who isn’t exactly that good in bed—Or is he? Offended by the sentiment, Spencer is determined to prove her wrong… But as he gets tangled with the beautiful stranger, he realizes there is more to her than what meets the eye.

Part Summary: Despite everything, she found herself feeling happy. Part Warning: 18+ explicit content (male and female oral, creampie, overstimulation, Spence is kind of a dom but is still sweet) A/n: this is just 4k words of pure smut, I hope you enjoy this last part of the series :')

Other parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19

"Spence, you need to open the door!" She whispered harshly. His response was to press himself further into her, relentlessly sucking on her neck as he pinned her against his apartment door.

The road to his place had been filled with sexual tension, each passing moment heightening the desire that simmered beneath the surface. When he mentioned taking her home, she didn't expect it to be his apartment.

"It's closer from here," he had said when he pulled her out of the planetarium, practically dragging her towards his car. "Do you mind?"

Of course, she didn't. In honesty, she would have let him have his way with her even if he had taken her to the nearest restroom, or even in the confines of his car. She was too aroused to think properly that at least three times she had initiated some desperate contact throughout their journey to his place.

The first one unfolded at a red light as she seized the opportunity, tugging him towards her before shoving her tongue in his mouth. The impatient blare of car horns stopped them from doing anything further. Then the next initiation came as a subtle yet provocative touch when she traced his leg, inching closer to his crotch. He threw her a look as he took a sharp intake of breath.

Although the third initiation wasn't exactly directed at him, it still held the same amount of torture. When she gracefully slipped her fingers right between her thighs, his grip on the steering wheel tightened, his foot pressing harder on the gas pedal. He watched as the speedometer increased rapidly. Even when chasing Unsubs he had never driven this fast before.

And now that they were finally inches away from his apartment, he couldn't wait any longer.

"Spence..." she giggled, but then her laughter died down when his hand traveled between her legs. "Let's go inside."

Without a second glance, he retrieved his keys from his pocket and thrust them into her hands. She huffed in amusement and gently pushed him, turning to face the door, but then she felt him pressing against her back as she struggled to unlock his door. "Baby..."

He groaned at the sweet sound of her voice calling him by the intimate nickname, realizing it was the first time she had used it. She them felt his hand circling her hips, his fingers starting to rub her clit over her dress. She was beyond grateful no one else was currently in the hallway to witness what was happening.

When she finally managed to get the key into the lock, a wave of relief washed over her. Without wasting any more time, she swung the door open to his apartment, and Spencer, right behind her, practically pushed her inside before slamming the door shut behind them.

"Take off your underwear," he ordered, pausing only to lock his front door. Too stunned to argue, she began inching up her dress but then he was suddenly dropping on his knees before her, grabbing the hem of her panties and yanking them down her legs impatiently.

His hands roughly shoved her hips into the wall before he lifted one of her legs onto his shoulder. Seconds later his face was between her thighs, his tongue greedily lapping up her arousal. Her head rolled back into the wall in astonishment, both hands coming to grip fistfuls of his hair.

"Oh, shit," she moaned out, hands gripping his curly locks tighter.

His mouth shifted while two of his fingers slipped inside of her. Her hips jerked and a long whine of his name spilled from her lips as he pressed his tongue to her clit. His fingers began working in and out of her tightening walls once just as his tongue flicked over her clit, seconds before he pressed against the swollen, aching bud to lick a stripe over her flesh.

"Fuck, don't stop," she cried out, voice hoarse and desperate. Spencer had no intentions of stopping as he sucked her clit even harder, his fingers driving into her faster, earning every sinful noise that left her lips.

Her eyes cast downwards only to see her dress covering the view between her thighs, so she grabbed onto the fabric and in one swift motion lifted it over her head before throwing it to the floor. Her hands found their way to on his hair again when she could finally see him at the same time his eyes glanced up to see her perky breasts on display. The satisfied groan that left his lips traveled along her skin and her head fell back as she rolled her hips against his face.

Her walls began to contract around his fingers, thighs tightening against his head. His tongue remained diligent in circling her clit, lapping up her juices to taste every last drop. She could even hear how wet she had become from the sloppy noises flooding the room, mixing with her whimpers and the groans filling his chest.

She was uncontrollably shaking by now and with one final deep breath, the pleasure consumed her entire body. His fingers slipped out of her to hold her hips in place as she cane undone for the second time tonight, but his tongue continued to work against her clit through every second of the bliss.

The first wave of pleasure turned into breathy moans, overly sensitive to his constant torture, yet he didn't pull away. He kept on tasting her until she could hardly take it anymore and her hands dived for his head to push him away.

He finally pulled away, and all that was left were broken breaths and shaking legs. He was satisfied with himself, giving her flesh a rubdown with his palm flat against her skin, soothing the tension while she tried to steady herself as he placed her leg on his shoulder back to the floor. When she attempted to kick off her heels, a firm hand wrapped around her ankle.

"Keep them on," he whispered, his voice carrying a command that sent shivers down her spine. She couldn't do anything but oblige as she watched him get on his feet before she felt the warmth of his lips taking hers.

She could taste herself as his mouth pressed desperately on hers, nibbling on her bottom lip until they were parting for him. He effortlessly slipped his tongue in her mouth and she couldn't stop herself from whimpering as her hands roamed along his body, seeking more of his skin.

So she pushed off his suit jacket to the floor, then tugged off his tie, and when her fingers hurriedly unbuttoned his shirt, he slightly pulled away, resting his foreheads against hers. "We—" he sucked in a sharp breath when he felt her undoing his pants. "We need a safe word."

Her movements faltered for a moment before she continued to pull out his shirt under his pants, and that too went to the floor. "What?"

"I-I don't think I can hold myself back." He then gasped as she slipped a hand inside his underwear, wrapping her fingers around his girth. He closed his eyes, jaw going slack as she continued to run her palm along his length. "A safe word... please."

His plea hung in the air, a vulnerable request amidst the rising intensity. Her fingers hesitated for a moment as she saw the conflict in his eyes, the battle between restraint and desire.

After a slight pause, her eyes scanned around the room before they settled on the chessboard on his coffee table, and finally whispered, "How about Chess?"

An amused smile played on his lips. "Chess?"

"Take it or leave it," she laughed. She then rendered him speechless by dropping to her knees and tugging his pants down. "Besides, I'm not going to use it anyway."

He was caught off guard by her bold move, his eyes widening slightly. A mixture of surprise and arousal flickered in his gaze as she held him gently by the base as she examined him, her eyes focused on the clear drop of wetness trickling out from his tip. It was unreal how gorgeous he was.

A groan tore itself from him as he laid his eyes on her taking him into her mouth while she held his gaze, making him pay attention to every inch of his cock disappearing slowly in between her lips. His mouth fell open as she worked him deeper, tongue working to coat him in spit, cheeks hollowing in to add suction every time she pulled him out.

His brows screwed together, his mouth going slack. She gasped off him, and he gasped with her, sounding almost pained as she teased him with her tongue, running it from root to tip and back. He threw his head back only to whip it down seconds later, unable to keep his eyes away from her, body shuddering each time she swiped her tongue from his base to his swollen tip.

He choked on a groan when she took him back into her mouth, pressing him into her throat. He sounded almost alarmed as she took him down her throat over and over again as if she was trying to push her limits. She continued to suck him, but then she slowed down when she sensed his doubt, the self-restraint lingering in his head.

"Let go, baby. I'm right here. You can use me," she said in between suckling and messily kissing the tip of his cock, hauling him to the edge. "Please."

There was a moment of hesitation, a silent battle within him before his resolve seemed to waver. His hands, which had been clenched by his sides, flew out to tangle in her hair, holding on with a vice grip. She moaned around his cock, encouraging and maybe a bit patronizing, even as she wrapped her lips around him again.

His hips started to thrust into her open mouth now, mindlessly chasing that familiar sensation as his eyes locked with hers; his pupils blown wide, his mind empty but for the pleasure coursing through his body. He started slow, pushing and pulling his hips, and groaned at the feeling of her tongue moving around his length.

Then between the grunts, moans, and whimpers leaving him, his pace sped up as he forced himself into her mouth. She was now gagging around his cock, spit trailing down her chin, tears slipping from her eyes as she gazed up at him. She felt the way his muscles tensed up like his whole body was going to combust on the spot before he quickly pulled himself out of her mouth with a wet pop.

"Come here." Ever the gentleman, he helped her with gentle hands as she got up on her feet and before she could think about what came next, he muttered, "Wrap your legs around my waist."

"What?"

A squeal left her lips as he abruptly lifted her off the ground and she instinctively wrapped her legs around him, her arms going around his shoulders. "Spencer! What's gotten into you?"

He simply answered her with a smile before making his way down to his bedroom. "I blame you for this."

She stifled a laugh. "You're blaming me for acting like a wild animal?"

"Is it... too much?"

"Are you kidding? I'm enjoying this side of you," she confessed, clinging onto him as she kissed the side of his neck. "Please continue."

His chest shook at the same time his laughter filled her ears. But the amusement in his voice disappeared as fast as it appeared when they finally entered his room before he placed her on the edge of his bed. "Get on your knees and face the other way."

She didn't have to be told twice, scrambling on the bed as her knees sank deeper into the mattress. She felt him push down hard against her and she obliged, lowering her face and upper body to the bed as his other hand remained holding her hips up in the air.

A hand landed on her ass with a sharp smack before he gripped a firm handful of it. His cock swiped back and forth along her folds, gathering her wetness, letting it coat around his tip. He moaned out a deep, pleasure-filled noise that reverberated around the bedroom as he lined up the tip of his cock at her entrance.

"I..." His mouth fell open when he watched the way her walls stretched around him, clamping around his cock as if she was swallowing him inside. "I really don't think I can hold myself—"

"Just fuck me already," she ordered, bending over the bed and pressing her ass back into him. "I don't care."

He abruptly plunged inside of her.

"Fuck, yes," she whimpered, arching her back. Both of his hands gripped her hips as he began to thrust into her. Her eyes rolled back, her eyelids dropping closed as she fisted the sheets tighter in her hands.

"You feel so good," he growled out behind her. "So perfect."

Shifting her head along the bed, she glanced back at him. She couldn't fight the way her cunt tightened around his cock at the sight of him using her body as he pleased. It was still hard to believe he was the same man who lacked experience when she first met him. Yet after all the times they had spent together tangled in pleasure, she could see the increase of confidence every time he touched her.

A particularly deep and brutal thrust had his cock hitting her perfectlyand she moaned out loudly, her mind going blank to everything but the pleasure he was giving her.

"Right there, baby," she begged him, squirming her hips against him for more.

With her cheek pressed to the mattress, she focused on the way he looked. His hair was a sweaty, mussed mess on his head, and there was a very obvious sheen of sweat glistening along his forehead. He was grunting and breathing heavily as his fingers continued to dig into her hips. Then another loud smack echoed throughout the room as one of his hands harshly landed on her ass. He slowly released her hips before he grabbed her by the arms, hauling her back.

She moaned loudly in response, her hips bucking eagerly into him as he fucked her like a man possessed. He plunged his cock so deep inside of her that her toes began to curl inside her heels—dear god, she forgot she was still wearing her shoes. She wondered if he realized how much bacteria could stick on his sheets, but with the way he was thrusting relentlessly into her, she was sure the only thought he had at this moment was their connected bodies moving in sync.

His grip on her arm tightened to the line bordering between pain and pleasure just as his thrusts sped up to a pace faster. It felt so good she hadn't even noticed the way the pleasure built until it was nearly unbearable.

"I-I'm gonna—"

A scream ripped out of her as she felt her body shaking. Her orgasm hit her so suddenly and she didn't resist it, letting it wash over her and sear through every muscle. Her body writhed and she thrust her hips against his, grinding herself through her release despite him not slowing down. A final gasp filled the room, signaling the pleasure overwhelming her body, before he let go of her arms and she flopped back onto the bed.

Her orgasm slowed down to a stop and she took a deep breath before another loud and unrestricted moan released through her exhale as he flipped her onto her back. He smiled crookedly at her, cupping the backs of her knees, crudely pinning them to her chest as he suddenly stuffed himself back inside.

With her completely pinned beneath him, she couldn't do anything except cry out and wail in pleasure. His eyes were locked on the way she was stretched so wide around his girth. Spencer was known for his aversion to getting dirty, and for his meticulous nature, yet he found the messy tangle of their bodies didn't bother him in the least. The fresh white cream coating around his cock only fueled his pleasure.

It was warm, wet, and fucking messy.

"T-Touch yourself," he choked on his words, voice breaking as they came out. He was so close that it hurts. "Play with yourself for me."

Her hand flew down to do as she was told without a second thought. It only took a few, quick circles around her swollen clit before she was coming again, her heels kicking helplessly in the air. She had lost count of how many orgasms she had tonight, but she gladly accepted it as her back arched off the bed.

Spencer groaned at the sight of her losing herself beneath him. He watched as her fingers continued to rub her clit desperately, forcing herself to come even harder until a gush of liquid squirted around him. It splattered everywhere—across his hips, thighs, and even his chest. It made his eyes roll up into the back of his head before he let his head fall back, his jaw going slack while he let out a loud and deep moan as his orgasm finally washed over him.

His warmth filled her core and she felt his pace slightly falter before he continued with short, aborted little thrusts. His cock pulsed inside of her, each vein had a throbbing heartbeat that struck so painfully good against her walls. But even when his orgasm dissipated, he found himself rutting his hips into the creamy mess dripping out of her cunt.

"S-Spence," she choked out, gasping when his cock hit right into the pleasurable spot inside her. "I-It's too much. I c-can't."

"Just say the word," he panted, almost deliriously, "S-Say the word and I'll stop."

The sensations overwhelmed her, yet despite the intensity, she didn't want him to stop. Her unspoken desire was palpable, and he read her so well that her silence was all he needed to continue.

He released his grip on the back of her thighs as he shifted his weight onto his left arm, his right hand coming up to brush some hair off of her face tenderly before it landed back on the bed. He then leaned down, pressing his lips against hers at the same time her arms wrapped around his neck.

She was trembling and twitching with each one of his thrusts. He felt a pang of remorse for her, he could tell she was tired and overstimulated but he just needed to wring one last orgasm out.

"One more," he cooed sweetly against her lips. "Let me use you once more, can I do that?"

"Y-Yes," she whimpered, nodding her head as her eyelids fluttered in exhaustion.

Lowering onto his elbows, his body molded itself over the top of hers. Her hands were hungrily grasping at his back, attempting to bring him somehow closer as her hips rocked up into his again. She could feel the hard lines of him pressed to every inch of her; she could feel the flex and pull of his muscles with each of his fluid, rhythmic thrusts.

His movements slowed down, each deliberate thrust filled with a different kind of intensity. It wasn't the same urgency as before; instead, it was deliberated and unhurried, and he seemed to savor every moment as if etching it into his memory. He pressed himself further into her, a desperate need evident in the way he sought closeness as if he couldn't get enough of her.

He shifted, lowering his mouth to her neck. He began leaving affectionate, open-mouthed kisses along the length of it. Her back arched underneath him at the feel of him surrounding her so wholly, his cock burying itself repeatedly inside of her. She could feel her peak nearing again, her eyes rolling back as a high-pitched whine fell out of her mouth.

"S-Spence," she cried out, nails beginning to claw at his back now as she clung to him.

"I know," he answered, voice strained himself as he pulled his face away from her neck. "I know, Sweetheart. Let go for me, I got you."

His sweet, affectionate voice sent her over the edge. The way he held her, the way he peppered kisses along her lips, cheek, and neck, revealed a depth of emotion beyond the physical pleasure. It wasn't merely about finding release; it was an intimate exchange of passion. At that moment, she realized how much his feelings had grown, and she burned just as intensely for him.

"Oh, god," she whimpered at his voice, cunt gripping his cock. "Spence, I'm–"

A loud moan cut her off, her right hand releasing its hold on his back, flying up to grip a fistful of his hair. Spencer practically groaned in response, his hips beginning to stutter as her orgasm overtook her once again. She held him tighter, her body quivering beneath him as her moan gradually broke off.

His forehead lowered to hers, his sharp breaths falling over her with each of his rough exhales.

"That's my girl."

She was practically crying by now, caught in the whirlwind of pleasure and affection. She wasn't sure which emotion held a stronger grip, maybe both. But whatever it was, she surrendered to the overwhelming sensation, letting it wash over her as she held onto him.

His hips continued their movements, dragging her through the end of her release as he was nearing his own. She could hear the rumbling groan building in his own throat, his face abruptly falling against her chest.

A moment later he choked out a moan at the same time he roughly thrust himself deep inside of her, gasping as he came for the final time. His cock twitched almost painfully inside her as he slowly rocked his hips, wincing at the overstimulation and filling her up at the same time.

He thrust into her a few more times before his hips finally stilled. Her hands began running soothingly along his back as he slipped out of her and then collapsed atop her, still careful to keep from crushing her.

His skin was damp with sweat from his exertion, his shoulders heaving as he tried to catch his breath. He rested his cheek against her chest and a happy noise fell out of his mouth as he relaxed. Her voice was the first thing that broke the silence. It wasn't even a spoken word, but a soft, girly giggle that he turned his head to look at her.

"What?"

She smiled at him. "You called me your girl."

He looked at her in amusement. "Well, aren't you?"

A hint of uncertainty lingered in her expression. "I don't know. Am I?" She sighed, the weight of unspoken emotions in the air. "We just... we haven't talked about this. I didn't want to assume things."

He took a moment, gathering his thoughts, a visible struggle for someone not accustomed to verbalizing deeper feelings. "Y/n," he finally began, the sincerity in his voice cutting through any hesitation. "I risked my life for you. Of course, you're my girl."

Her heart swelled at the gravity of his words, the unspoken commitment hanging in the air. It was a vulnerable moment, and yet, he had chosen to express himself. She gazed into his eyes, finding a depth of sincerity that touched her heart.

"I'm not good with words," he continued, his thumb tracing circles on her skin. "But I do care about you. More than I've cared about anyone in a long time."

A warmth spread through her chest at his admission. It was a vulnerable side of him she hadn't seen often, and it made her appreciate the depth of their connection.

"I care about you too," she replied softly, her fingers running along his damp hair. "More than I expected."

His smile was genuine as he turned onto the bed, pulling her against his chest. "Then I guess we're each other's," he declared.

The woman she used to be wouldn't have envisioned herself in this present moment, considering the twists and turns life had taken in the past few months. Despite everything that had happened, a subtle happiness filled her, a sentiment she cherished deeply. Her smile deepened, and a soothing sense of contentment settled between them as she eased into the comfort of his arms.

His words enveloped her like a comforting embrace. It wasn't a grand gesture, but it was genuine, and in that quiet moment, it felt more than enough.

>> EPILOGUE

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Don’t forget to interact with the story!

[adonis-koo]

Can I ask what is your butt workout? At this point my ass is so flat it concaves 💀💀😭😭😫

!!! 🙏🙏🙏 when I tell you I love talking about the gym and working out!!

Depending on where Im at in gym progress plus goal wise will depend on how I hit legs and what exercises I do. But here’s the general workout I do that you can’t go wrong with!

5-10 minute warm up, this is crucial!! You don’t want to pull any muscles or injury yourself by jumping straight into weights, I usually take a brisk walk on the treadmill to get going.

Next is glute activation, booty bands get mocked in the gym but they’re a staple for properly working your glutes, you’ll want to use a band of your strength choice and just do some glute bridges and butter flies with them. Usually 10 reps of 2-4 sets gets the job done for me.

Once you’re warm and glutes are activated you’re good to start the workout.

I try to alternate between hamstring and quads for each exercise to give the muscle groups an extended time to rest.

Leg extension: 4 sets of 8 to 15 reps (if I’m going heavier I’ll do 8, lighter 15)

After your last set on leg extension I like to hold it for anywhere between 30 seconds and a minute just to work on strengthening my knees because they’re naturally very weak 💀

Barbell Hip thrusts: 4 sets of 8

This one requires a squat rack and a LOT of prep, if you’re a beginner you can use a pre-loaded barbell and work on a lighter weight

Deadlift: 4 sets of 10

Start light on this if you’re a beginner because it’s very easy to injury your back if you go heavy with bad form, again I usually try to alternate between quad and hamstrings but if I’m at a rack I usually like to just get these both out of the way.

Bulgarian split squat: 4 sets of 6-8

(Alternative, Single leg, leg press: 4 sets of 8-10)

This shit hurts honestly, like it’s had me collapsing afterwards, if I’m not feeling up to it then I’ll do the alternative as suggested above.

Hamstring curl: 4 sets of 15

I usually end with hamstring curl as it’s not a super intensive exercise but it’s important to keep your hamstrings and quads around the same weight to stop muscle imbalances from happening.

Lastly, treat 👏 your 👏 self 👏 on leg day I always do a 15 to 30 minute cool down when I hit legs because it’s a very labor intense workout, so be sure to give your legs a nice stretch! Last thing is make sure to decompress your spine! Doing a dead hang on the pull-up or stretching rack for 10 to 15 seconds does the trick, this will help alleviate any potential back pain!

Side note: it’s important to keep a high intake of protein when you’re building muscle, I always aim for 90-120 grams of protein but everyone differs, happy gains girl good luck! 🫡

[deadbythemourning]

☆My Current WL Realted Rules for Myself☆

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{ Finally getting out of a depressive episode, so here's my rules for myself to keep me from sinking back into depression and utilise a good period for maximum wl! }

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Rules:

1. Drink water! When you wake up, before every meal, while studying, before bed and whenever you can. Always carry water with you, and drink lemon water when you can to help boost metabolism.

2. Wake up before lunch, regardless of when lectures are. 10am or earlier is preferable, until you can get it down to 8am at the latest.

3. Only eat during the day before or during lectures or study sessions. You need energy to study and keep your brain functioning if you want to keep those grades up!

4. Shower twice a week MINIMUM. Every other morning, if you can, it will wake you up and make you feel so much better.

5. Eat lots of vegetables and fruits. Make sure they're included in meal plans, and snacks or meals other than dinner contain fruit when possible!

6. EXCERCISE!!! 6000 steps a day AT LEAST, do some low impact exercises in the morning and whenever you get the chance, and stretch every morning and night! It will help!

7. No late night eating, your sleep is already shit and eating food will only make that worse! Plus certain foods will worsen night terrors and you already have enough of those.

8. Take your meds and vitamins every morning, aiming for the same or similar time! Vitamins will stop you passing out and help with bone, joint and muscle health. It will make your brain and body function better while on a low intake!

9. Get dressed every day. Seriously. It will help, you will feel much more productive and able.

10. MEAL PLANS!!!! Plan out all dinners for the week, with a focus on protein and healthier eating! Count your c@ls.

11. Start chewing gum again! It will keep you awake and alert in lectures and help prevent unnecessary e@ting.

12. PROTEIN BARS! Great to take to lectures if you need an energy boost. Plus a boost in protein is always helpful!

13. Metabolism days are important and required! Any food you want to binge in can be included in those days, and any meal you are craving but is too high c@l etc. Can be included on that day.

14. Weigh when you can, but never more than twice a week. Remember how happy you were when you weighed for the first time in 2 weeks and lost a lot more than you thought? The shock is worth it, and so much better than weighing every day.

15. Bulk cook meals, and do more meal prep so you can focus on studying instead of cooking and eating every night.

16. Keep up with lecture notes! It's boring, and takes an hour for each lecture you miss, but it's important! And the less lectures you miss, the less you have to catch up on!

17. Keep up with deadlines and start working on essays and group projects in advance! It will help with anxiety around deadlines, and will distract you to stop you from eating.

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TLDR: Become an academic weapon again to keep your grades up and w3ight down. Shower, brush your teeth, drink water, exercise, and take your meds and vitamins.

University is a 9-5, not a side hobby.

[kariachi]

Doing some Tetramand number stuffs just for shits and giggles- and let me tell you doing math for this shit to also at least vaguely line up with what we know from canon is less a bitch and more ‘how much can I fudge shit without it being completely ridiculous’ because science is A Thing and our show is like ‘a wizard did it: the nature documentary’-

Going with the canon that Tetramand are about 10 ft tall and can grow to 15 ft, we’re saying an average weight of ~1600 lbs up to ~2400 lbs, with (also canon) the women being larger than the men

Given these are Tetramand I doubt the difference if small either

(“But Achi, the show-” I am looking at screenshots and Four Arms and Tini are both max ~8 foot in in her premiere episode, the closest anybody comes to 10 ft is Warlord Gar- who is visibly larger than every other Tetramand that shares a scene with him- and OV!Four Arms, kinda, and aside from not being able to tell for the Gwen version of Four Arms (which, aside, wtf does Gwen’s version of Four Arms keep her hair it looks weird?) the women are the same size or smaller than the men, so guess how I’m classing the show itself for the purposes of sizing? Just, everything is fucking weird there and I am god on this blog and so going with what’s more interesting than “staff think OV!Four Arms is like 13 ft but he’s presented as more like 8-10 ft and only two fuckers are seen his size and only one is the size fuckers are supposed to be-” #loomashould’vebeensmaller #tinishould’vebeenbigger #tetramandingeneralneedtobetaller)

Okay, that rant done. Like I said, according to pop-ups women are generally larger than men and given these are Tetramand and the sheer range of size variance these fuckers apparently have (the projected max is half again the average for fuck’s sake) it’s probably a big difference

So, using the above numbers, average food intake is probably about 15 lbs a day? And for the max size about 20 lbs a day. Are big fuckers.

I’m assuming they’ve got a similar diet to humans, given what we’re shown- very much omnivores, just bigger ones

Also can estimate an average birth weight of about 60 lbs, which is fucking massive but again, these guys are supposed to be massive

Given most critters that size only give birth to a few babies at a time, and those that actually practice childcare tend to give birth to maybe two at a time, tops, maybe, think we can safely assume singletons are the norm here

[danmeetsworld]

Existential Dread

Walking into work today that feeling just really hit.

“Fuck I gotta do this shit again. I do not feel like being today. What the fuck am I doing? Why the fuck am I here?”

In thru nose: 1-2-3-4-5

Hold: 6-7-8-9-10-11-12

Out thru mouth: 13-14-15-16-17-18-19-20

Repeat.

But today’s set sparked tears?

My LostBoi what are you going through?

Currently feeling: heartbroken, lost, lonely, broke, purposeless.

I know what to do in this situation. I think I set come kind of foundation for times like this.

#AbolishDepression

I am the star of life. I am the coolest person I know. I am free and I serve my purpose my way.

*deep breath* just breathe, kiddo.

I love you and you are going to be okay again soon.

The new year is coming and I think it would be wise to set some goals.

I’m thinking that we’re outgrowing what we built from 30-35. Growth is never comfortable and healing isn’t something that ends.

I’ve been drugged up this month and it’s silently ugly. But this is my process. “I’ll be damned if I die sober”

But I’m not finna die.

Feeling loved is something worth suffering for, to me.

It’s that thing that makes us human and that is what I am.

Just another good kid in a maad city. #PrayForRay 😂

But if I’m giving myself credit.. I have lost 2 beautiful people and have had my beautiful heart broken twice so let a nigga crash out! Shit!

This weeks cocktail has been: Adderall and coffee in the am, weed when I get home and no physical movement until the next morning when I have to get up for work. Food intake has been nearly non-existent.

I’m going to free my mind some this weekend in an Airbnb somewhere a couple hours away and I hope that it can help me going into next week…

I’m starting to feel less proud of my resilience trait and am starting to resent the reasons that I am so.

But it’s 10:56 and my first haircut is due.

Dan, I love you my dear boy and you’re going to be alright again. We’ve been here before in different ways. We know what to do. We’ll do it when we’re ready <3

[unknown-drug]

🦋 25 things I wish I knew.. 🦋

1. Doing the same exercises over and over again will not help you lose weight. Switch it up, do cardio even if it sucks and no, weight lifting is not gonna make you look bulky. Lean muscle bruns more cals so think about it. It's better to have them than not.

2. If you are to diving in EDs don't do it for someone other than you. Be completely aware of the long term consequences. Do some research. And honestly, they are not worth the hassle.

3. Food is not an enemy. The day it becomes your alie only then will you really reach the ultimate peace of mind conserning food. You have to work with it not against it.

4. Not all diet will work on you. Don't  get discouraged. Try a few and see what's work. Keep in mind to incorporate a little bit of every food group to make sure you won't lack any crucial nutrients. Again do your research.

5. Do not beat yourself too hard if you slip up. It might get you to binge 10x harder too. Nobody is perfect. We all binge once in a while. And it is acutally good when you hit plateaus and stuff.

6. Reaching my GW or even my UGW didn't made me as happy as I first thought. Yes, I was somewhat glad to reach it but I was still not happy with the results..

7. Weighting yourself every single day is not effective because of the water weight an all.. the scale can shift up to 5 lbs a day. I usually do it once or twice max a week. Always on the same day. So you can see a more accurate graph.

8. No one as the same body as you. Your number compare to others might not look the same. So yes your thinspo is all cute but have you considered all the criterias ?? Keep your mind open.

9. Having something to eat in the morning (even if it is your only meal) will helps you kick start your metabolism for the day.

10. Sleep is mandatory. Don't think that staying awake all night doing exercises is helping you. In fact, your metabolism will go down 10 to 20 % if you sleep less than 6h a night. Get the rest you will need it.

11. Liquid cal and solid one are not registered by your body the same way.

12. There is no magical pill, no tea bullshit and no fucking food miracle to lose weight. But if you do take meds like  laxative or diuretic and diet pill of anykind, you have to switch it every so often. Your body will get use to them so they will feel like there aren't working. Do not take more then the recommended amount. I personally never like those because of how harmful they are to you. Be extremely careful if you are using them and please if you see anything out of the ordinary talk to professionals. It can really mess you up in the long run.

13. Stay hydrated. Your body will give up faster if you don't drink enough water compare to food. If you are fasting or anything, this shit is mandatory. And no, coffee and teas should not count in your water intakes. It is so important for weight loss.

14. Fiber. Fiber. Fiber. They are your biggest allies. Keeps you fuller longer and is the best to avoid the need of extra meds.

15. Those who will notice won't be the one you want. And those who are really there for you are not always the one you thought would be.. But do not throw away the help if you need it.

16. Do your own research on your ED. There is so much false information passed along the community you did be surprise. Do not believe everything you find either.

17. If you ever relapse after more than a year of recovery you have to keep in mind that your body has change. Especially if it went through puberty or if it is somewhere in your adulthood. If you plan on using the same old tricks you did as a teenager, I am sorry to announce you that it might not work. Your relapse is like a whole new ed. You have to relearn everything about your body. It has ajusted to your harsh treatment and will definitely not cooperate the way it did before. So keep that in mind.

18. EDs dont have numbers. Someone who is 200+ pounds is as valid as someone who is 100 and under. Stop bullying people cause they are heavier or lighter than you are. We are all in the shit anyways...

19. Take your fucking vitamins. I can't stress that enough but you need them just to make sure your body will not rupture. It can prevent so much side effects to EDs and even trip to the hospital.

20. Even fully recovered, the numbers won't magically stop in your mind. It will stay there lurking in the shadow.. try not to give in to them.

21. Keep yourself accountable. Stop blaming others or your life for things you have done. At the end of the day, you are the one doing everything. Excuses are not gonna help you acheive anything.

21. The sense of control is only temporary... One day you will have to go up agaist your demon and fight them or die trying.. literally.

22. Mixing BPD and anorexia was one of the biggest mistake of my life. Been the depressed and sucidal kid I was it really was a match made in hell. Actually really surprised I am still alive.

23. If you do purge, you have to understand a few things. Even if you were to purge the entirety of your stomach and that only mere second after finishing eating you body has already absorbed portion of the calories ! A general rules is that about 1/3 to 2/3 of it will be left behind. So no, this is not a miracle erase switch. Also, the calorie absortion start in your mouth. So the trick of chewing and spitting the food will still get you cals and it is even worse for your teeths. After a purge, do not brush your teeth. I swear it will fuck up your enamel even more. Try to swish some bicarbonate and water to bring the ph down and swallow half a glass to ease up your oesophagus.

24. This is not a all rainbows and unicorns illness. It is hard to life through and even harder to witness on someone. You will cry and scream.. feel depressed and suicidal in some case. Some of us dissociate during big binge/purge episode.. Get someone you trust or vent once in a while. Don't keep all the emotions inside, it will break you.

25. And finally, If you are not ready mentally for recovery it will never happen. You got to want it to be able to let go of your obsession. It is the hardest thing to do but it is worth it.

[chumpmagump]

24 things you've learned about your 24th year on this planet. 1. After having lots of trouble with love and loss, I've learned I will be ok. Remember you are growing into the woman you are are piece by piece.. reclaiming the person you were before the rest of them thought it was okay to take you away from yourself and you thought it was okay to let them. Many will come and go, but you dont have to lose a piece of yourself with them. Be strong, don't let them. 2. It is okay to love someone but not like them. It is okay to have compassion and empathy yet still hold your ground that you deserve better treatment. Compassion is not synonymous with lack of boundaries. 3. After talking to your therapist and doing some hardcore reflection you know you show traits of bipolar disorder or borderline personality. Your therapist thinks its bipolar, you're pretty sure its BPD.. this hurts because BPD is stigmatised to the shit house - you would almost rather have bipolar. You work in a hospital where BPD presentations are rampant and you diagnose them in your assessments a lot. Your coworkers like to say things like '' we got another borderline up in ED...'' as if its a massive inconvenience. You feel kind of weird being a 'quiet' borderline because you function quite well but know you have this fucked up secret that you keep from others for fear of judgement. Your behaviour isnt affecting your functioning enough to warrant a diagnosis. But that doesnt mean your experience isnt true. You're good at recognising when your triggered and where it originates from, and actively pull back more and more from impulsive decisions. You can sit with your emotion at times and you've stopped abusing phenergan and have been self harm clean for almost a year now? so yay for you regulating more of yourself! 4. You realise searching for validation only leads to experiences of invalidation. Stop doing it. 5. You're good at empathising to a point where you find it hard to be angry at others for long, you sometimes tolerate too much because you can reason with the persons reasoning for acting the way they are. You shouldnt mistake this for respect, because its not. You still need self-respect. 6. Making spontaneous choices has led to some new experiences, like changing jobs, moving towns, meeting new people. You've learned you've missed out a lot in your last 5 years of 20 hood because of fear of rejection/anxiety/ unsafe situation phobia. but now thats all you want to do, you fear staying static for too long more than you do change. You're ready for new exciting things. 7. Friendships matter way more than romance ever will. Build your friendships and you will always feel connected and OK no matter what the status of your dating life is. 8. Going for solitude car trips with your music blaring, singing meaningfully, on a road in the dark to no particular, with no particular deadline is your muse. You spend a lot of time in your thoughts and with yourself, and sometimes you imagine being in company when the loneliness hits. But funnily enough when company does finally arrive, you yearn for the space you had with yourself. Honour that time. 9. What you make of this life literally doesnt fucking matter. You will be born again. You will never get another chance to be in this body, with this family, with these friends, in this place, at this time though. Do whatever you can to enrich your experience and dont worry about if other people are having a better time. Concern yourself with your own experience. 10. You validate yourself. Stop asking your friends what you think you should do about a situation, dont feel the need to tell them every situaiton thats going on with you to hear their perspective. Listen to your own voice. You dont listen to her enough. 11. You dont actually have to put up with people being rude to you anymore, you can voice that things bother you. You're not quite there when it comes to friends you dont know too well.. or family you know blow up easily, but you're less of a people pleaser somewhat and i'm proud

of you for that effort.

12. You realise you need to stop seeking validation that others have hurt you. If it hurts it hurts. Simple as that. 13. Trust a person by their actions waaaaaaaaaaaay more than their words. And give a person 6 months. They tend to send their representative first for a while. 14. Sometimes you dream up people without knowing first who they are. Its ok to do this but don't be surprised when they dont fit the version you had of them in your head. Sometimes living in fantasy is far more intoxicating than what comes to fruition. Sometimes i wish i only knew some people for the period of time where they were warm to my heart.

15. Keep going to therapy, its doing amazing things and slowly but surely helping you change your procedurally learned patterns of behaviour including the desire and panic to want to fix social relationships that sometimes shouldnt be fixed. If someone did something shitty to you, and they are upset with YOU , for whatever reason- this does not mean what they did to you is void. It may even mean they are deflecting and gaslighting you. Get out of there and you know dont like goodbyes of any kind. so in this case slowly drop off contact. 16. people cant read your mind with how your feeling, so tell them.. what they do with that information is on them after that.

17. you dont have to take pictures of everything. You will remember the experience more if you dont. 18. Drink your damn coffee!! its not going to stain your teeth anymore. you are so diligent with your skin and teeth care, you deserve to live a little.

19. Dont have sex with friends, just dont. its messy.

20. Just because someone doesnt choose you, doesnt mean you arent good enough. It means they're blind, theyre not meant for you, or better doors are opening. Sometimes you need to shut a few doors for some to open. Trust the process. 21. Its time to start doing the things yu have said you were going to do for years. Its time to sign up for that dance class, its time to start writing again (and you have been!), its time to start stretching (and you have been!), its time to finish your courses (and you have been chipping away!). The best thing is you are so motivated right now to do all of these things. They no longer feel like words, they feel like happenings. 22. Your body and mind is so much stronger than you think. You are managing a 23 + caseload, and working across emergency and intake. You sometimes dont have a lunch break and work 9 hour days at times. You still have the ability to relay information and type notes at great speed, connect with clients at a great depth and come to eat, shower and have been dedicating time to study and friends. Your body is a machine, and you are so much more robust than you give yourself credit for. People look at you and see a small petite typical white girl, but you are strength! 23. You have learned sex can be a safe and very enjoyable experience this year very recently. Even though the partner turned out to be a careless character emotionally within the friendship, you were able to experience what it was like to be that connected with someone sensually in such an intense way which was a first for you. Now you know what kind of sex you like - well you always did but now you know it exists. Good for you.

24. You spend the most time by yourself with yourself. Validate your own experiences and try to interrupt the fantasy that you should be waiting for someone else to enhance or witness it. i know you like to think about what it would be like to sing in the car with someone next to you, or to laugh about a ridiculous vine and hear someone elses laughter drown out your own, or to dance around your house and have someone watch you in awe... but its okay to be your own witness. This is one is probably the hardest ones of them all... All you've ever wanted is to feel seen. You fantasize about it all time, you live in fantasy because atleast you can always feel seen there. You're not so sure if you put yourself out there you'll leave feeling more discarded and invisible than before. This way its safer. It's time to witness you. It's time for 25. A year full of spontaneity, new experiences, enhanced friendships, self validation and enormous growth.

It's finally time to stop hiding from people, pleasurable experiences and desire.

It's time for 25.

[minnochu]

Lustrous (pt. 20)

Hybrid!Kook x f!Reader AU

Pt 1 | Pt 2 | Pt 3 | Pt 4 | Pt 5 | Pt 6 | Pt 7 | Pt 8 | Pt 9 | Pt 10 | Pt 11 | Pt 12 | Pt 13 | Pt 14 | Pt 15 | Pt 16 | Pt 17 | Pt 18 | Pt 19 | Pt 20 | Pt 21

Warning: A little non-con if you think about it.

.

.

You have to commend Seokjin, for sitting through the obvious awkward tension between you and Jungkook. There was nothing wrong with Jungkook shoving you with the intent to make you fall to the ground, after learning how to slap out when falling on your back. It was shits and giggles at first, because how could you really take him seriously? 

You could only swear Jungkook was ready to leave the country when the warlock instructed him to get on top of you. The two of you were walked through basic positions like full mount, side control, and half guard, and how to maneuver from each. It was very unlikely that you’d have to fight like this, given you were about to fight a whole clan of witches and warlocks. Although, it was still knowledge that you were grateful to learn in the event that maybe just maybe you would be knocked off your feet and onto your back.

Or maybe Seokjin just wanted to have fun knowing both of your true feelings for each other and got off on exploiting it to the fullest. Embarrass the shit out of you both, obviously.

Your instructions were to get the wolf on his back in a full mount while he started off in half guard and was instructed to resist and move into a full mount. What could possibly go wrong, really? Jungkook and his superhuman strength, and your lack there of. Was this really a good exercise when every possible dirty scenario distracted both of you. 

Seokjin couldn’t have been that dense to not notice the flush of your cheeks and the way your eyes could barely look at the other. Certainly the other wolves inside couldn’t have missed the trace of attraction and excitement. Even Jungkook must have smelled it rolling off of you. 

Not that you stood any chance against the hybrid’s brute strength anyways. Even with the instructions to hold back, this was Jungkook he was trying to instruct. 

You were pinned within seconds, his legs on both of your sides. The same fate repeated with you starting on top and landing swiftly on your back once Seokjin gave the go ahead. 

“Ah… you really got me good,” You drawl as you finish up the day with spells, both offensive and defensive. Plopping down on the grass beside the wolf, you both sit in comfortable silence while replenishing yourselves with water. 

He sits silently beside you, tending to his own drink, although not saying a word in response. Curious, you glance over to his form beside you. The wolf anticipates your actions and quickly turns to look away, but the scarlet shade that colors the tips of his ears are bright and noticeable. 

“What’s wrong? Are you embarrassed about the little exercise we had to go through today?” you tease to his disdain. 

“Don’t act like you weren’t any less distracted, letting me pin you down so easily, are you actually a pervert?” He accuses back, although the flush on his face is darker and spreads to his cheeks now that he faces you, “I can’t believe I’ve been letting a pervert sleep in my bed…”

“You act like you don’t end up crawling into bed with me by the end of the night,” You scoff, though the playful lilt is still there, “What am I supposed to even do against your supernatural strength, hello?”

The boy makes a face, his expression twisted but you know that you’re technically right; given that he’s always adamant on sleeping on the floor and is found curled around you in the morning. You’re not sure if he does it knowingly, or just unconsciously finds your sleeping form and seeks out your warmth. That didn’t even make sense. His skin had to be multiple times warmer than yours. Especially when he almost always sleep in his wolf form, not mention with pounds of fur on his body with plenty of heat.

“...so what are you planning on doing?” He later asks after you both have taken a shower, dinner long past and gone, and you’re currently lounging on his bed with a spell textbook. 

“What do you mean?” You shoot back, laying on your stomach as he takes a seat on the other side of the bed.

He makes a gesture with his hands, and you’re just even more confused by his vagueness.

“Your coven,” He finally relents.

You wonder that too. Was it even right to call it your coven, when all you experienced for much of your childhood was endless loathing and ostracization. Were you really a part of the Blackwells, the people who had also killed your mother and used her body against you? 

You were bound to face them after all. They were going to keep coming after you with the intent to kill. What were gonna do? Talk them out of it? Were you going to avenge your mother? If they stayed alive… they’d continue to go after you and even hurt Jungkook the same way those bounty hunters had. 

“I’m not quite sure… I don’t want to keep hiding and running away… and I don’t want to keep putting you and the others in danger because of me…”

He scoffs. 

“You’re mistaken if you think a little wolfsbane was gonna take me out. Hurt like a bitch, but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle.”

You frown, “I don’t want it to happen again, at my expense.”

“Will you be fine… if it means having to kill?” he mumbles after a brief silence, watching as you flip through the pages. 

“I don’t have that kind of a resolve… I don’t think… I know talking won’t mean anything… but that kind of thing might be inevitable.”

Jungkook nods thoughtfully. If it really came down to it, he wondered if you could do it. He wondered if no one had stopped you, would you have gone through with your massive magical skill and killed both Seol and Suho? You held no killing intent, nor did he think you were ready to handle the weight on your shoulders at the thought of having taken someone’s life. It would ruin you. 

“Ah…. I’m feeling nervous…” You sigh, rubbing your palms together, “Practicing it is one thing, but having someone coming at you and actually hell-bent on killing you is another. And facing spells instead of animated mothers and weaponized hunters and an out of control hybrid, seems foreign.” 

The wolf shot you a dirty look for that last one. But you had a right to be nervous. The Blackwells were notorious, they were known to be both powerful and skilled. It’s no wonder they would not want their name tarnished by a witch who couldn’t siphon from her own innate magic and had to steal from others. 

Should he do it? 

There was no telling the future, but his gut felt heavy with nerves and dread. 

“I’ll tell you what,” he started hesitantly, gaining your attention effectively, “We survive your family, and I’ll let you in on my secret.”

Secret? 

His eyes flashed knowingly. A quick glare of his ocean hue and you figured he was referring to the identity of his imprintee. 

Oh. 

“Are you sure? Now that I think about it… I don’t think I should know…” You say suddenly, to his apparent surprise. If it was really someone else and he knew who it was exactly, what were you going to do with your feelings. Just the very thought was heart wrenching. You were getting so comfortable, feeling like home finally, having a place and family to return to and experience the ups and downs of life with. And yet here you were, dreading the thought that Jungkook was just out of your reach despite being right there sitting beside you.

The frustration is evident in the way his eyebrows furrow, the scrunch of his nose, and the frown that crosses his mouth. 

“Make up your damn mind, you kept running away ‘cause I wouldn’t tell you, and now I’m gonna tell you if we survive,” He sighs aggravatedly.

“Yes but now I’m saying you don’t have to worry about it because it’s not my business!” You snap back with just as much fervor, “And stop saying if! We’re going to survive you ass.”

He reaches to flick your forehead when his digit hits a hardened surface, clicking his tongue when you smirk triumphantly at your success in guarding your forehead with a crystallized shield that hovers just before it. 

“Stupid witch,” the wolf grumbles.

You raise a brow at that, “Oh? That’s new. But I’d prefer the term siphoner, given that I’m a mutant after all.”

He snorts. 

As the night grows later and he’s preparing his bag for the next day of school, your head falls onto your crossed arms. Eyes closed from studying spells and skills, you hum as you listen carefully to his footfalls on the wooden floor. The boards whine and creak before the mattress shifts and dips, springs squealing at the added weight. 

“Hey, get some rest already, you’ve gone through enough training today,” He mutters, grabbing the book and closing it. Stretching his arm, he reaches over your body to toss the book on his desk, but not before your voice startles him. 

Murmuring, voice no more than a whisper, wistful and almost dreamy as you instinctively shift closer to his heat. 

“Say, you tasted my blood…”

The word is almost like a trigger. His mind races, nearly choking on his own spit at the immediate mental image of you both in the forest. Heart beating right out of his chest. Your scent invading his senses. The excitement in both your scent and the loud pounding of your heart, urging him to continue. The way his mouth salivated at the thought of your blood, his stomach near growling in anticipation of having not been satiated with it’s required monthly intake at that time. 

How could he forget? Not when he felt dread fill his very core when he’d gone too far and nearly drank past what was healthy.

“Did you like it? You didn’t look quite happy about drinking the pig’s blood caprisun the other day.”

You giggle, having noticed the twitch in his brows in recognition of the liquid at that time.

“What the hell are you on about?” He grumbles finally, although he’s at odds with himself because of course not. Not one transitioned vampire would enjoy being a vegetarian vamp after having a taste of human blood, or another vampire’s in a hybrid’s case. 

To answer...

Of course not. Not when your blood tasted like liquid gold on his tongue. His mind went haywire the second just a drop of the sanguine liquid had hit his appendage, scent permeating the air and sending him into hazed fury of sucking your wrist dry. 

If he had no control, he’d have killed you then. If he had no control, you lying on his bed, defenseless and unknowing, would have him pouncing on you in seconds to just get another taste. 

You don’t respond, having already entered the blissful embrace of sleep. His eyes soften as he lets his fingers drop and brush over your wrist, grazing the area he’d drawn from. 

“Sometimes I wonder if you’ve secretly put a spell on me, you idiot witch,” He drawls, letting his gaze drag over your arm, along the curve of your shoulder, before settling on your neck. 

Dizzy. 

He can’t help himself. Maybe the nerves are getting to him the longer your situation draws longer. What were the Blackwells planning? Why not send someone of their own to do the job, rather than hire other beings who had nothing to do with their personal vendetta against you. 

“Fuck,” He mutters as he does little to resist his urge to shove his face in the crook of your neck. Curse the way you so coincidentally shift in your sleep, just enough to tease the supple flesh of your neck, curving and arching as you turn your head over and reveal more and more. 

His eyes flash dangerously. Marine hues glaring down greedily at the juncture between your neck and shoulder, trailing upwards towards your ear. Tongue peeking out of his lips, gliding over his bottom lip before scraping underneath the sharp tip of his canine. It was a soft reminder of his intentions. 

This was not about your blood. 

No, he thought with a sigh, leaning down to breathe in much of your scent. Warm vanilla and him. It was only faint, a possessive growl leaving his throat. Rolling around in the grass today drenched you in Jungkook’s scent, he oddly liked it. The shower had washed much of his smell away, but it lingered. It lingered as you lay in his bed, wearing his shirt because it comforted you in some way after all the things you’ve been through (despite his protest that you had your own clothes to wear). He secretly bathed in the fact, and sight, that you wore his shirt. 

It was like his own temporary mark on you. He could do it now, his wolf thought. Then the scent would stay longer and stronger, no one could approach you. Not those vampires, not those wendigos. Who would dare approach the mate of a hybrid? 

That sounded tempting. Little of his self control holding him back now, fingers curling into his bed sheets, so much that his knuckles pale and the fabric nearly ripped under the tension. 

Lips parting, he watches the wave of goosebumps rise over your skin once his warm breath washes over. You tense at the sensation, humming in your sleep before relaxing once more. 

His mouth parts, exposing his canines as he lowers his face into your neck, nose brushing against your hair. Blood rushes to his cheeks, savoring your mixed scent as he laves his tongue contently over your skin.

The tip of his fang scratches over the surface and he has to keep himself from keening as just the slight touch makes his senses burst. He’s tempted to bite down fully, sink his canines further, permanently make you his, when you sigh and he freezes. 

“Ju—ngkook…” you whisper softly, making his whole body burn with adoration at your voice calling for him. 

His clouded mind clears and he sits up immediately, covering his mouth with his arm. 

Oh fuck. 

Oh fuck indeed when his pack mates stare at him pensively in the morning. The scent is clear as day. No mark, thank gods, but it’s awfully clear that he’d tried marking you last night. Yoongi is the most prominent expression out of them all, his eyes flashing a warning gold hue at the youngest when you joined them. 

“I don’t wanna know,” the second eldest grit out after the meal while you were getting ready to leave with the three youngest members. He’d dragged the hybrid to the side, glaring accusingly at him. “But why the fuck would you mark her?! She doesn’t even know you imprinted on her. What if you couldn’t have stopped yourself? What if you suddenly awakened your other side and sucked her empty?!”

“Hyung relax, we’re lucky it was just a graze,” Namjoon steps in, expression stoic as he places a gentle hand on the elder wolf, “Punishable, but he was able to control himself at the very least and not leave a mark.”

Just one look from the leader of their pack is enough make the hybrid whimper.

Jungkook bit his lip. He’d gotten too ahead of himself. 

Yoongi saw this and let his expression melt. 

“I know you’re getting impatient aren’t you? A little bold, given that you were dodging her questions about who you imprinted on just days ago,” He teased, “I guess I commend you for stopping.”

The hybrid knew he wouldn’t have if you hadn’t breathed his name out last night. He would’ve kept going, just like that time in the forest, and that scares him. It was impossible, the amount of power you hold against him. The ability to captivate him and put him in a frenzy one second, and calm him and ground him back to reality the next. 

“Come on Jungkook, we’re gonna head to school without you.”

Your voice immediately snatches his attention, allowing one last glance at his scolding elders before joining you and Jimin and Taehyung. The two sharing a knowing smirk with him. 

“Can’t believe you beat me to it once again,” the vampire sighs dramatically, causing you to tilt your head at him curiously. However, both the hybrid and wolf jab him in the sides at his comment. 

You don’t question it as you wave to the older members and open the door. 

It’s not until you’ve opened the front door does your whole being stiffen with recognition. Dread filling your stomach at the impressive aura waiting for you outside.

“No!” You cry as you press your hand behind you, looking back to catch a glimpse of the boys’ startled expression as you hum the incantation of a simple skill, a blast of wind shoving the three back into the cabin and shutting the door as you fall forward onto your shoulder.

You don’t meet the wood of the porch, in fact, there’s no sign of forest life around you. Your body hit the marble hard. Definitely a potential bruise if you manage to figure out the fate of your sudden predicament. 

“My— look at how much you’ve grown.”

The voice confirms your growing dread and the reason for your senses going haywire at the incredible aura. 

Your head rising to regard the head of the Blackwells.

.

+Taglist! (Can’t tag in bold)

@twilight-loveer​​ @reinyrei​​  @mistytail​ @mygukandonlyficrecs​ @xanny91​​ @unpocodesoledadywisky​​ @xxqueenwxtchxx​​ @lildemonangele​​ @gukworld​ @sunnyoongles​​ @serendipity-secrets​​ @ilaria-np​​ @jules-park​​ @treetops68​​ @mischiefmakerliesmith5​​ @jeonkooksgirl​​ @coffeeismylife28​​ @nshitae​​ @bookoffracturedescapes​​ @ellsbells72​​ @zamirayinyue13​​ @hannahdearr​​ @tiredjedi @sushibunn​​ @perrshian​​ @lovinggalaxies​​ @ditttiii​​ @cookies-are-done​​ @mintyrae​ @blackravena​​ @lilacdreams-00​ @fujinoye​ @moonlightjoonx​ @softescapism​

[theotherjourney7]

“(As of today October 5th 2020), I was gonna do another The Week In Tory but, try as I might, I could not find a thing they’d done wrong since Friday.

No corruption. No ineptitude. No lies. No hypocrisy. Just a solid 96 hours of honest, decent and reliable governance.

Only kidding: it’s an absolute shit-show...

1. A report found the “Eat Out To Help Out” scheme cost £500m and didn’t do a single thing to improve the economy of the UK’s hospitality sector

However, it did help to double the number of infections, although they forgot how to count, so didn't notice

2. As infections spiked, the government briefly woke up and introduced local lockdowns

But predictably, the local councils responsible for implementing the new plans were given literally (not making this up) 5 minutes warning and no additional resources whatsoever

3. It was revealed absolutely not a single penny of the £1.58bn “Arts Rescue Plan” announced to great fanfare in July has actually been handed out to the artists or venues relying on it

So unsurprisingly, the country’s largest cinema chain had to close, costing 5,500 jobs

But thankfully Work and Pensions Minister Thérèse Coffey was on hand to reassuringly tell them they can all become Care Workers with "very little training" (I'm sure nursing is a doddle)

Slight problem: in June the government froze millions in funding for training care workers

But it’ll be fine, won’t it? I mean, who needs to train care workers? We have plenty, don't we? Oh, hold on: this week it was revealed care workers are caring for 2,400 families each, which is 10x the recommended number

4. Good News for UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson, as a poll of Tory Members found they think Gavin Williamson is even shitter than the Prime Minister.

Bad News: they think every other Conservative MP is better than the PM, and only 28% of them think he’s up to the job. And that’s his fan-club.

5. So UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson went on a charm offensive (and did both), and promised to build 40 new hospitals

Seemingly he had forgotten – or hoped we had – that he also promised to build 40 new hospitals a year ago, and then … how can I put this? … didn’t

The 40 new hospitals have £3.7bn budget

Unfortunately, 40 new hospitals would cost at least £24bn

And there's backlog of £6bn in maintenance and repairs, so the day it was launched the “new hospital fund” was £2.3bn short of building a single Lego Hospital

6. Last week Boris Johnson said the Covid rules were simple, then forgot them, then said they were complicated, then said he’d fine people breaking them, then didn’t fine his own dad

This week his own dad broke the rules for a second time and [tumbleweed]

So 6 days after the PM went on TV to assure us the lockdown rules were simple, the govt has announced it will announce some simplified rules. But not yet. Soon. In a bit. First we need another few levels of announcements about announcements, because there’s no rush fellas.

7. I always try to find a supportive and approving quote about Boris Johnson from an star-struck anonymous Tory MP: this week, I have an embarrassment of riches

“It’s like ‘carry on coronavirus’, with Boris as Sid James and Matt Hancock as Kenneth Williams”

“I find myself bewildered at the clownish lack of professionalism in Downing St”

“If you drop something which is entirely ornamental [meaning Boris] it tends to lose its appeal”

“We’ve gone from eat out to help out, to drink up and piss off”

8. The Tories called loudly for the firing of the SNP’s Margaret Ferrier for travelling by train after being found positive for Covid

No word yet about them calling for the removal Tory MP Peter Gibson, who travelled 250 miles by train with Covid symptoms

Peter Gibson is part of the new “Red Wall” intake of Tory MPs, so presumably was keen to return to his constituency to inform them that 1/3 of them would be £1000 a year worse off due to government cuts

9. It was revealed that 5 years after Tories pledged to end money laundering with the announcement “there is no place for dirty money in Britain”, absolutely no action has yet been taken, and the legislation has been gathering dust since 2015

10. But thankfully, non-corrupt ministers like Robert Jenrick, who takes “donations” (which are apparently different from bribes) from housing companies, are still doing the right thing, such as unlawfully overruling his own officials to grant a £50m tax saving to a donor

And a legal challenge was launched over a £580k contract to friends of Dominic Cummings, with no competitive tendering

Oh, and Health Secretary Matt Hancock takes “donations” from the horse-racing fraternity, and excluded the highly profitable Cheltenham Festival from the lockdown

The former Chief Scientific Advisor said Cheltenham Festival “probably helped to accelerate the spread” of coronavirus

11. Not that we’d know, because it appears a mere 227 days after the first case, the govt still hasn’t learned to import data into an Excel Spreadsheet

Any IT manager would tell you Excel is not the way to store the data of up to 67 million people – it is spreadsheet software for a max of 1 million records

16,000 tests were lost, and over 50,000 potentially infectious people may have been missed by contact tracers

12. On 2nd June, Boris Johnson announced he would take “direct control” of Covid

So 125 days later, he couldn’t tell us the social distancing rules, how many records had been lost, or explain why 4 different lockdown regimes exist in Greater Manchester alone

13. But human spork Health Secretary Matt Hancock rushed out to say NHS Test and Trace are working hard, neglecting to mention the slightly awkward truth that NHS Test and Trace is not run by the NHS, but by a private business under the guidance of the effortlessly terrible Dido Harding

Highly effective private business Serco do our contact tracing, which is why some of its tracing staff report being so under-occupied they have managed to watch 3 entire series of The Good Place and play computer games all day for months, while 60,000 Britons died

14. I have no idea if the Queen has noticed her government’s honesty, but this week she said “having trusted, reliable sources of information is vital”

We enter flu season under a government you can trust, but who accidentally failed to send the flu vaccine to GPs for over a month

15. And the average hours for teachers increased from 53 to 70 hours per week, as they attempt to cope with endlessly shifting instructions

Teachers are also having to be cleaners in schools, as there is no additional money for adaptations to keep staff and students safe

16. As the government prepares for 4 million unemployed in 2021, Treasury Secretary Rishi Sunak said he would introduce “job coaches”, and said 4 million of us being coached for *up to* 2 hours to do jobs that don’t exist would be “the first time that people will realise government could be helpful”

17. A report found “trust between ministers and staff is being severely eroded” by a 7-month delay in the bullying inquiry into Home Secretary and horcrux, Priti Patel

She then made a speech in which she voluntarily opted to define herself as opposite to those who “do good”

18. Possibly to distract from this, health minister Lord Bethell rushed out to claim Covid 19 would make us as proud as the Olympics

Covid 19 has killed about as many as you can fit into an Olympic Stadium, so maybe that’s what he meant

A quick detour into the magical, spinning world of gaffe-hamster Lord Bethell: last week he tried to distract from govt student cockups by claiming Covid 19 was predominantly caused by “late-night intimacy” and not by, for example, failing to trace infections

Earlier, Bethell tried to distract from govt A-Level cockups by claiming him failing A-Levels didn’t prevent him hustling to his lofty position (momentarily forgetting the hustling assistance he gained when his dad, the 4th Lord Bethell, hustled his way into a grave)

19. And finally, in an image that will haunt you, Health Secretary Matt Hancock announced he would only snitch on his neighbours if he was “watching them having an Animal House-style hot tub party”. Watching. He said watching. Matt Hancock. Watching.“-Russ

[whoneedssexed]

Just GENUINELY curious; there is obviously science stating being fitter, skinner, is healthier and there is also science saying being bigger is okay, healthier etc. Is it then you guys believe the science for people being bigger is stronger/more accurate or more evidence? (Sorry if you've answered a question like this before, new to your blog!)

“Willett’s complaints are starting to look less credible, however, because no one has been able to make the paradox go away. One of the most popular explanations is that fat people get more aggressive treatment than thin people, because their weight raises red flags at the doctor’s office. This seems questionable: studies show that overweight and obese people tend to avoid doctors, get fewer preventive screenings, and receive worse treatment because they’re often misdiagnosed as “fat” rather than with a specific medical condition” 

“People are furiously looking for some way to make this not the case,” says Deb Burgard, a clinical psychologist in Los Altos, California who treats eating disorders. “And I think that bears some comment. Theoretically we should be very happy to find out that people aren’t dying the way we thought they were going to, that there’s not going to be this terrible outcome. That people at higher weights are going to be OK.”

“One of the most popular explanations is that fat people get more aggressive treatment than thin people, because their weight raises red flags at the doctor’s office.”

----------------------

Based on a critical review of the obesity and health literature we provide five models of how the hypothesized obesity and health relationship is conceptualized. We then apply these models to make sense of how recent Canadian public health reports and clinical practice guidelines conceptualize the issue of obesity, its causes and health effects, and appropriate responses. We show how conformity to dominant models of the obesity and health relationship by health sciences researchers, public health workers, and the media lead to activities that rather than promoting health, actually threaten it. These dominant models – and the activities derived from them – do so by diverting attention from the far more important issues of the quality and distribution of the social determinants of health. These approaches also stigmatize heavy individuals, doing little to promote their health. For these reasons, we call for an end to seeing obesity as a significant health issue.

------------

Obesity isn’t a disease state and weight loss isn’t a cure.

-------------------

This is a good blog post on The Eating Disorder Institute (formerly Your Eatopia) about the topic: “ Gaining Weight Despite Calorie Restriction ” The author includes many scientific sources.

---------------

Losing approximately 10% of your body weight initially slows these life sustaining processes by approximately 15%. And people continue to restrict their energy intake, over time, these life sustaining processes can slow by as much as 30%. Metabolic suppression can also become more reactive over time and repeated bouts of starvation (aka “dieting”). So someone who has dieted in the past will have a metabolism that slows more quickly and more dramatically in response to food restriction compared to someone who has never dieted.

So a person can gain weight while restrictive dieting because an energy deficit causes the body to slow all the life sustaining processes of the body in favour of growing the fat organ, which helps the body to survive in times of stress.

This is some serious shit, people, and it’s a big part of the reason that intentional weight loss through restrictive dieting is so unhealthy.

----------------------------

1,200 calories is the recommended intake for 4-8 year old girls.

This 1200 calorie dietary myth sprung up in the wake of an overwhelming diet culture that’s intended to push women to prioritize drastic (and often unhealthy) weight loss. A diet like this will help you lose weight, but all that weight won’t just be from fat. You’ll also be losing muscle, hair, nails, sleep, blood cell counts, your menstrual cycle, bone density, healthy skin, a safe blood pressure, hydration levels, regular bowel movements,  the ability to feel warm without raising your thermostat to 75 and wearing 3 sweaters, a healthy relationship with food… Starvation is nasty.

If you are 1. older than four, and 2. are an active person who walks or works out on a regular basis, then you likely need to consume quite a bit more food in order to simply keep your body functioning. This isn’t just about giving yourself enough calories to keep your body working normally - It’s about having enough energy to actually be able to live the kind of life you want! Only eating your BMR (which is how most people get that 1200-1400 number) will only give you enough calories to sustain a coma. That’s it. If you want to get out of bed and exercise, eat more.

If you are between the ages of 19-30, then you’ll probably burn those 1200 calories simply by resting for 12 hours. Your body will naturally take advantage of it’s intake and use that energy in order to continue functioning. So don’t be afraid of actually increasing what you eat. Calories aren’t something to be afraid of, and limiting yourself so drastically can hurt you in the long run.

------------------------------------

this article is literally from an eating disorder organization about how often weight loss and “skinny is healthy” studies are bogus

this one is about pursuing weight loss being unhealthy

-------------------

This article explains in detail how “bikini / beach body” advertisements are based on biased ideals of aestethic superiority, and not on any notion of health.

This article shows an example of how doctors instantly assume that fat people’s heath issues are caused by their fatness; and how this results in under- and misdiagnosing.

This article explains various examples of size discrimination. It cites various studies.

This meta-analysis studied over 50 years of weight-loss research. it shows that, while diet programs can make you lose 5-10% of your starting weight in less than a year with relative ease, keeping the loss in the long-term (5 years) is difficult, even if you stick to the diet. basically, diet programs aren’t worth it - at best, the weight loss is minimal (2,5 lbs); at worst, you gain more weight than what you started with.

This is a list of scientific literature explaining how weight loss fails, weight cycling, weight gain, binge eating, food addiction, and the negative effects of weight stigma; as well as how you can have a healthy lifestyle without relying on diets.

This article explains again that diets don’t work - they don’t make you lose any significant amount of weight in the long term, and don’t make you healthy. It also explains the “obesity paradox”, where fat people are more resitant to various health issues than thin people despite most people believing the opposite.

--------------------------

Doesn’t Obesity Kill?

Obesity does not kill 400,000 Americans a year (in fact, it ‘contributes’ to fewer than 30,000).

Fit Over 60s Live Longer Regardless of Body Fat

No tenable link between obesity and breast cancer type

No tenable link between diet and weight control and remission of type II diabetes

The J-curve relationship between BMI and mortality

Mortality risk for overweight and obese is no greater than for ‘normal’ when hypertension and diabetes are controlled for, (Anthony Jerant, Peter Franks. “Body Mass Index, Diabetes, Hypertension, and Short-Term Mortality: A Population-Based Observational Study, 2000–2006″ J Am Board Fam Med July-August 2012 vol. 25 no. 4 422-431)

Low-Calorie Diet Doesn’t Prolong Life (New York Times, August 29, 2012)

Shouldn’t Fat People Should Simply Eat Less and Move More?

In controlled settings people lose 10% of their weight on a diet, but one third to two thirds of the weight is regained within 1 year, and almost all is regained within 5 years. (“Methods for voluntary weight loss and control. NIH Technology Assessment Conference Panel.” Ann Intern Med. 1992 Jun 1;116(11):942-9.)

The preponderance of evidence shows that diets don’t work

No weight loss intervention shown generally effective post 5 years

Fat people as a whole metabolically the same as lean people, except that they’re bigger

Eating and weight gain not necessarily linked, study shows

Evidence for a bodyweight setpoint (energy homeostasis)

Medicare’s search for effective obesity treatments: Diets are not the answer. (Mann, Traci; Tomiyama, A. Janet; Westling, Erika; Lew, Ann-Marie; Samuels, Barbra; Chatman, Jason. American Psychologist, Vol 62(3), Apr 2007, 220-233. doi: 10.1037/0003-066X.62.3.220 ) (PDF)

Isn’t There An Obesity Epidemic?

Americans have only gained an average of 14 lbs (women) and 16 lbs (men) since 1990 (Gallup)

Obesity: An Overblown Epidemic

The 1998 BMI definition changes made 30 million Americans overweight or obese OVERNIGHT

The Myth of the Obesity “Tsunami”

One-third of American Adults are Obese, but Rate Slows

Yeah, But What About the Children? Isn’t Fat Killing Them?

Childhood famine (that includes dieting and starvation) increases risk of type 2 diabetes

Adolescents who engage in unhealthy weight-control behaviors such as dieting and binge eating are three times more likely five years later to be overweight than adolescents who did not engage in those behaviors

Isn’t Weight a Lifestyle Choice?

Obesity largely determined by genetics, says study

Obesity is 77% heritable

Thin parents pass on skinny genes to children (October 4, 2011, The Independent, UK)

Insulin resistance. A multifaceted syndrome responsible for NIDDM, obesity, hypertension, dyslipidemia, and atherosclerotic cardiovascular disease. DeFronzo RA, Ferrannini E. Diabetes Care. 1991 Mar;14(3):173-94.

But Doesn’t the Idea that People are Different Sizes Though Consuming/Exercising the Same Violate the Second Law of Thermodynamics?

In fact, in principle, the suggestion that a “calorie is a calorie” — all human metabolisms are the same Bunsen Burner — violates the Second Law of Thermodynamics.

Isn’t there a Study that Disproves the Claim that You Can Be Fit and Fat?

That study is junk science. The preponderance of evidence shows that in fact, one can be fat and fit.

Isn’t Fat Unhealthy?

Weight Science: Evaluating the Evidence for a Paradigm Shift (Linda Bacon and Lucy Aphramor, Nutrition Journal 2011, 10:9, 24 January 2011)

Higher BMI can lower risk for Alzheimer’s

Metabolic syndrome associated with decelerated cognitive decline in the very elderly

The case against the Type II diabetes “epidemic” in kids

You can’t eat your way to diabetes

‘Obese’ BMI does not harm current health of young adults, study says

Obesity not always tied to higher heart risk (Reuters, May 24, 2012)

Shouldn’t Fat People Try to Diet Anyway?

Although long-term follow-up data are meager, the data that do exist suggest almost complete relapse after 3-5 yr. (Miller, W. C. Med Sci Sports Exerc. 1999 Aug;31(8):1129-34.)

In fact, size acceptance and health at every size may be a better approach to health than chronic dieting. (Bacon L, Stern JS, Van Loan MD, Keim NL. J Am Diet Assoc. 2005 Jun;105(6):929-36.)

Except that dieting can kill you, even when you’re fat and dieting down to a ‘normal’ weight.

And there are suggestions that frequent (intentional) weight loss diets reflect susceptibility to weight gain, rendering dieters prone to future weight gain. (August 9, 2011, K H Pietiläinen, S E Saarni, J Kaprio and A Rissanen. “Does dieting make you fat? A twin study” International Journal of Obesity | doi:10.1038/ijo.2011.160)

Healthy lifestyle habits are associated with a significant decrease in mortality regardless of baseline body mass index.  (Eric M. Matheson, MS, MD, Dana E. King, MS, MD and Charles J. Everett, PhD. J Am Board Fam Med January-February 2012 vol. 25 no. 1 9-15)

And adolescents who engage in unhealthy weight-control behaviors such as dieting and binge eating are three times more likely five years later to be overweight than adolescents who did not engage in those behaviors.

There are even further suggestions suggest that for many adolescents, dieting to control weight is not only ineffective, it may actually promote weight gain. (Alison E. Field, ScD, S. B. Austin, ScD, C. B. Taylor, MD, Susan Malspeis, SM, Bernard Rosner, PhD, Helaine R. Rockett, RD, Matthew W. Gillman, MD, Graham A. Colditz, MD. “Relation Between Dieting and Weight Change Among Preadolescents and Adolescents” PEDIATRICS Vol. 112 No. 4 October 1, 2003 pp. 900 -906)

Weight Regain Following Sustained Weight Reduction is Predicted by Relative Insulin Sensitivity, Trudy J. Yost, Dalan R. Jensen, Dr. Robert H. Eckel*, Obesity Research, Volume 3, Issue 6, pages 583–587, November 1995

[aritamargarita]

ATTITUDE || 003

hi everyone. welcome back to attitude, i hope you are enjoying the ride so far. i am getting a bunch of good feedback and it really motivates me. thank you everyone for the support you’ve given me!! i love when you guys say you like this series. mwah ily 💞💞 chapter 4 might be coming sooner than you think. we’ll see

as far as partners go , i had decided to pick da best member fit for the job…. mr monday night….love him. idk but he kinda cute lmao. barely seen any ff / imagines for him soooo,,

a bit more characters than before featured here. hope you are excited because i sure as hell am and im the one writing it! some characters have short cameos but dw, you will see them again after you switch sides. kayfabe is like borderline, i be doing it half and half behind the scenes, blurring the lines.

reader gets their nose messed up. on sum becky lynch shit lol but guess what? they r supposed to give some bde. I KNOW IT MIGHT BE A LIL CHEESY BUT LISTEN ITS FOR DEVELOPMENT !!!!

also, make sure when you finish, i left a few notes at the end and it’s lowkey important. i just didn’t wanna make the top part too long lol

alright let me stop talking ik y’all wanna read!

BACKSTAGE; 8:10 PM

Storming backstage, you slapped your hand over your mouth. When Jericho kissed you, it just made you feel all tingly inside. It wasn’t normal, that feeling was weird. It wasn't like you didn't enjoy it, nor was it disgust you felt.

It was a total mess, you then put your hand on your burning face. You were still hot, and it wasn’t a good look for you, being all flustered. Having already walked a bit further backstage, you had realized that you were kind of hungry. Before any other matches started that involved you, eating something would probably boost you up. Not only that, but you had a very important segment to tape. You let the crew know that you were ready after that match.

Letting out a sharp intake of air, you prayed you didn’t see Jericho in catering. You made it though, and grabbed something small. It was just an apple, but it’ll keep you going until you go back to your hotel for the night.

Surprisingly, Torrie had been there too. She had a bit more to snack on than you did though, and she lit up when she saw you.

“Already a tough night, huh?” Her voice called out, and you turned, rubbing the back of your head sheepishly.

“You just don’t know half of it.” You rolled your eyes.

“I bet!” She hummed. “Come here!” Beckoning you towards her, you pulled up a chair near her.

“So, why don’t you tell me all about it, huh? We’ve got time, and plus, I heard we’re already going to the same place later.” She grabs both of your hands and held them. You didn’t mind it, but noted that she was being a little touchy.

“Right, well, you know Chris Jericho, right?” You hesitantly ask, and she takes a minute to think before catching on.

“Yeah. That one primadonna from WWF?” She guessed, and you laugh.

“Mhm. Well, if you didn’t already see, he kinda kissed me. I wasn’t sure if it was meant for the small rivalry we had but it was just too quick…”

“That’s so cute!” She says, but it seems like there was more she wanted to say. “I hope you figure it out though.” She let go of your hands and got up, deciding to make an early exit. Cleaning up her area, she waved at you.

“See you in a few. We have a segment in 15 minutes.” Torrie reminded, and you seemed a bit taken aback. Not only was it that Stephanie did not include that you had to participate in any segments/promos regarding matches, but Torrie had just up and left in a flash. Was it something you said?

But when you thought about it, you had forgotten that you had a segment regarding your own personal gain. Your partner. You were finally choosing today.

The crew had gotten set up in the hallway. and you took one last bite of your apple before tossing it in the trash and heading out.

The segment officially started with you leaning against the wall. The camera slowly panned up on you, and the crowd had a mixed response at the sight. It was natural to have that, what with you being a newfound heel and all, but the people actually liked you, not just for your looks per-say. But for your talent in-ring too.

Before you perked up to see the man himself, Rob Van Dam. The camera then switched to him, and cheers had gotten even lowder. The crowd was starting to like it.

“So you did come!” You exclaim, getting off the wall. He held up a hand to wave. You opened your arms, going to go for a hug but you retracted your arms back to your sides. Which made him look at you in question.

He seemed to be more surprised than you were. He has never really spoken to you before one-on-one. And even if he tried, you just...skittered off. At this rate, he’s given up any chance of speaking to you.

He’s heard of you and seen you in Alliance group meetings, but just never got the chance to interact.

“Wait a second,” He interrupted, and you pause. “I recognize you. You’re that [Name] girl from WCW. The one that’s all ‘easy on the eyes’..”

You then couldn’t stop a smile from appearing. You were glad he knew of you, and did he really mean it, or was it just a backhanded compliment in a twisted sense? Don’t overthink it too much...

“Wellll….” You began, twirling a lock of hair on your finger, trying to look cute at the very least.

You wondered if you could pull off being a shameless flirt…?

“—I STILL have no partner.” You insinuated, waving your arms slightly for a dramatic effect. “I’m going to start becoming desperate…” You continue, not letting him talk just yet.

“Basically what I’m saying is, let’s just cut the sweet talk okay? I want you to be my partner.” You proclaimed in confidence. “I think you are the one that will lead us to the win. Just think about it. The amount of raw starpower that would be in the ring with us together.” You then opened your arms. “Doesn’t it sound interesting to you?”

“I guess, but what’s in it for me?” He asked, and you smile again.

“Duh! Stardom. I mean, like you aren’t already one, but helping me could go a long way. We’re on the same team, and we’re fighting for the same reasons. So please. I’m begging you!” You kind of dragged it on, because you had no clue what he could benefit from it. In all honesty, it was for your personal gain. Gotta be a heel somehow.

You stuck out your hand for him to shake, and with slight reluctance, he shook it firmly.

“It’s good working with you.” You smile. He was easy to convince, a little gullible if you will.

And while you didn’t complain about how laid back and relaxed he was, you just knew…

It was going to be the team of a lifetime.

Before you knew it, you had run into another woman from the WWF side. Walking down the hallway, she was the one who approached you first.

”Hey.” She greets, giving you a small wave. She also seemed to have a small smile on her face, which made her seem quite pleasant. You could have sworn you’ve seen her before too. Her fiery red hair was very distracting, and it wasnt a bad thing.

“I was on my way back to my locker room, but I had noticed you just leaving. Remember that thing you said earlier tonight? I was impressed by someone who’s somewhat new. I’m Lita. You’re [Name], right? The one who’s gonna be in the ring tonight with me.”

“Yeah, that’s me. I was only saying what popped into my mind quickly.” You shrug it off. “But was I really decent?”

“Considering half of our team has already been talking about you here and there; I’d say yes. Word gets around.” She laughed, and you groaned. It was absolutely insane how you were the talk of backstage..

You blocked everything out as you went onto cloud-nine. This was the second time you were notified people were talking about you, and you weren't sure whether to feel nervous or complimented. Who knows if it’s negative or positive? You just hoped it was only them trying to get in your head or something along the lines of that.

Two men came up behind her, which made you look up. They must have been a stable, because one of them spoke up.

“Lita, we were wondering where you went,” One said, and the other agreed. “We needed to talk to you.”

She apologized. “Sorry, I was just speaking to [Name] here.” She turned towards you and you felt your heart get faster as both turned their attention to you.

“[Name]. Matt Hardy and Jeff Hardy.” She pointed to the respective boys. One had multi-color rainbow hair, and the other had pitch black hair. It’d most definitely be easy to set them apart.

You simply wave before clapping your hands together. “Hello, nice to meet you guys.” You greet. They both greet you back in a friendly way.

Matt tilts his head. “Oh, so THIS is [Name]. I was wonderin’ who they were all raving about already. I’m curious to see if ya’ live up to the hype.” It was noticeable that he had a southern drawl to his voice. You don’t know why, but you liked that. While you felt bad for thinking it, or maybe it was just your ‘ditzy’ side shining through, all three were very attractive.

It felt like Matt did all the talking, especially since Jeff stayed quiet for a majority of the time. He did keep his eyes on you though.

You slowly felt the situation getting awkward because you didn’t know what else to say, so you spoke up quickly. “I’m going to leave you guys to it. And you, Lita,” you say, a smirk on your face. “You better bring your best tonight too.”

Lita laughed. “I’ll make sure to bring it. I’ve got enough faith in Trish anyway. See you later, [Name].”

You really could've stayed and spoken more! But no, you just had to get butterflies. It’s too bad you had places to be anyways. Maybe in the future will you all speak again.

LOCKER ROOM; 8:25 PM

As the next segment went live, people already were excited to see it. They really loved to see some WCW girls. Of course...

Torrie was applying lotion to her right arm as you and Stacy approached.

Stacy opened up her mirror to take a look at herself as you messed around with your hair a little.

“Torrie, this is going to be so easy. I mean, Trish Stratus? What does she have to offer? Just make sure you hurt her out there. If anything happens, me and [Name] will back you up.” She encouraged, and Torrie looked up with a smile.

“Oh, don’t worry. I will. What I’m going to do to Stratus tonight won’t be anything compared to what we’ll do to her & Lita at InVasion come Sunday.”

You seemed out of it and off, but it was only a front leading up to a betrayal, but you moved your attention to the two.. “It’ll be easy. From what I’ve heard, they aren’t really all that. They’re just slobs.”

As soon as you finished the sentence, there was a knock on the door. It was that referee from the match before.

“Oh! Hey Nick.” Stacy greeted, and you snapped your fingers. So that was his name!

Nick greeted all of you. “Hey ladies, I just want you to know that even though they roughed me out there tonight, I’m a team player. And if everything out there goes to plan, I will be the referee for the arm-wrestling match.”

Torrie got a little closer to the ref, being pretty touchy feely again. “Thanks!”

While she was doing that, you just stared blankly at the wall.

“We’ve got this in the bag.” Stacy said, a smile on her face. “Isn’t that right, [Name]?.....Hello?? Earth to [Name]??”

She waved her hand in front of your face, and you snapped out of it.

“Yes! Yeah. Yeah. We do.” You answer, an uneasy smile on your face.

SMACK!DOWN; 8:32 PM.

It was time to hit the ring, as you three wait backstage for your cues, there was little chatter between you girls.

It didn’t last long because you three were first, and you tried to hold a smile on your face on the way to the ring, waving to the crowd as you went.

The bell rang, and the announcer had introduced you all.

“This is an arm-wrestling challenge! Making her way to the ring accompanied by [Name] and Stacy Keibler, representing WCW, Torrie Wilson!!”

As the three of you went down the ramp and got into the ring, you let out a sigh. Keeping up this distressed act would really be worth it. You leaned on the ropes and sat on the second one in anticipation.

It was then Trish and Lita’s turn to arrive, who seemed very confident.

“Approaching the ring accompanied by Lita, Trish Stratus!”

They entered the ring, and with slight arguing, they finally set up immediately.

“Go!” The WWF referee Earl Hebner yelled. They began to arm-wrestle.

You cheered Torrie on, and the whole thing didn’t last too long with their situation because Nick, the WCW referee had hit Earl, the opposing referee, sending him crashing to the ground.

It took a second, but it prompted Stacy to easily shift their arms to the side, which let Torrie win. The bell rung signifying her win, and Torrie kissed her bicep, taunting Trish.

The celebration wasn’t too long either because Lita had speared Stacy out of anger. You watched in disbelief, taking some steps back. By that time, Trish had rammed Torrie into the corner.

You grabbed Trish and yanked her off of Torrie, which prompted you two to begin exchanging blows. Torrie, who was slumped in the corner, crawls away.

In the midst of it all, Trish had decked you right in your nose. You saw a flash of white, and she seemed taken aback as you turned quickly and crouched down. Your eyes began to water and you moved your hand from your nose to see that it was bleeding. Because everyone had to stay in character, you had to deal with it.

You don’t know what the hell happened. She could have broken your nose. All you knew was that your face felt warm. After noticing she nearly did you in, Trish was concerned and felt very guilty. Even then, you, Stacy, and Torrie had ended up being defeated by Team WWF’s women.

You three staggered out of the ring with your respective WCW coach. Heading up the ramp, you all looked back in the ring where the opposing trio celebrated.

By then, blood had already began to drip down your face, some staining your attire. You didn’t realize it was pretty bloody, but you instinctively licked your lip and was met with the taste of copper. Gross. You then wiped your nose, and it felt like it wasn’t going to stop leaking.

You hit backstage and Stacy who was distracted at first, looked at you.

“Oh my god, [Name]!” She squealed, her eyes widening. “You’re bleeding!”

It alarmed Torrie and she looked at you. “Go to the medic before it gets worse!”

You smile. “I know.” Your teeth were stained slightly with blood, but regardless you listened to them. You immediately had to hit the infirmary. Despite what happened, you kept a smile on your face. Your eyes were now on the verge of spilling tears, but you refused to cry.

Now, you sat calmly on the bed as the doctor tilted your head forward. He advised you to take it easy, but regardless you’d be okay for certain matches. That was a given though, despite anything, you had to do your job. Your nose wasn’t exactly broken, but instead bruised. Trish had damn near knocked your lights out and you snickered at the fact. He left the room to grab an ice pack.

Speaking of Trish, she opened the door. She looked at you and took a deep breath.

“Hi. [Name]?” She asked, and you nod. “I’m really sorry about what happened. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” She says, walking towards you.

“It’s fine. It was an accident, if it was on purpose, I’d be really mad.” You say, and Trish still seemed quite distressed.

“But I feel really bad. I don’t know. Sorry. This just...never happened before.” She apologized again, being unsure what to say and you shook your head.

“No worries. If you get any flak at all, I’ll make sure to put them in their place.” You assure, and she gave a small smile.

“If you say so.” She gives in, and looks at you. “Can I sit?”

“Yes.” You say, and pat the spot next to you. She sauntered over and sat down.

“Jeez,” Trish began, grabbing your face in her hands. “I really did rock your world.” She says, and you playfully roll your eyes.

“You sure did. Feel bad?” You ask.

“I already apologized. You want me to beg on my knees?” She snickers, letting go of your face.

The doctor had came back with ice and you put it on your nose.

Trish decided to get up and leave. She was able to clear the air, and because you were nice to her about it, she felt reassured. She was a nice woman, maybe you two could become friends.

You look down at your free hand, covered in some splotches of blood, and you then looked down at your shirt, covered in dried blood. It looked like you murdered somebody.

Yeah, you’re gonna be just fine.

some lil notes; hEYyyY. i know it looks a bit short sometime but the word count was like 3k ;__;. ill make up for it next chapter. besides that i wanted to say how excited and off the walls i am for the next chapter. and because of that im gonna tell you right fucking now what you should expect. even more interactions with superstars, E&C finally appears, more team xtreme action, more jericho stuff, finishing up tonight’s matches, possible hotel interactions and stuff. i was also thinking of involving reader’s match in chapter 5, and eventually maybe going into detail a little about her wcw run. i think also what i like the most is the custom move set i could make combining moves. i usually like to describe matches if it isn’t boring..

i know a few underrated superstars and stuff, like i have a lot of plans for this series like im already planning our future chapters hehe

once again, i thank you for reading, i will see you next time. ;)

[seagreen-meets-grey]

When Lightning Strikes Ch. 11

When your life is nothing but a cloudless sky, lightning can come and strike you so unexpectedly, you won’t even know what hit you.

Or: When Hiccup and Astrid meet, it is as if lightning strikes.

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9] [Chapter 10] [Chapter 12] [Chapter 13] [Chapter 14] [Chapter 15] [Chapter 16] [Chapter 17] [Chapter 18] [Chapter 19] [Chapter 20]

Crossposted on ao3 and ff.net

_______________

Astrid’s energy level was on an invincible high. Even after riding her mom’s bike home at full speed, she felt like she could climb a mountain, run to the South Pole and back and swim through the Pacific Ocean, with a cherry on top. She even skipped a few steps on the way from the garage to the front door.

In the entryway, she tripped over a pair of shoes and bumped her knee on the coatrack. But even the sharp pain and brief frustration couldn’t dampen her mood. Whatever restlessness she might have felt in the past year and a half, it suddenly seemed insignificant, dumb even. Because everything was right with the world today, the spark of energy still pumping through her veins, even though all she’d done was bike to the park and meet a friend.

Him. Hiccup. Her biggest what-if. The only person who’d been able to distract her from everything that’d been weighing her down lately. She wanted to turn around and run back, just for the thrill of the feeling. She felt like she was an addict and he was her energy source, loading her cells with electricity.

Humming contentedly, she slipped out of her sneakers and walked into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Her mother was just packing her prepared late lunch into her bag, ready to leave for work. She looked up when her daughter entered the room.

“Hello, sunshine, what are you so happy about?”

“Oh, nothing specific,” Astrid told the cupboard when she reached for a clean glass. “It’s just a good day.”

“Where have you been? During all the hurrying and yelling for a tire pump I didn’t get a chance to ask.”

“Met with a friend in the park.” A new wave of energy made her hop onto the counter and ignore the chiding look from her mother. It wasn’t like she was getting dirt on anything; all she did was spill some water on her pants.

“I’m glad to see your mood has improved so much lately.” She pulled her daughter off the counter, overlooking the eyeroll she received.

“One can’t always be a gloomy Gus, right?”

“Speaking of – are you finally telling me what’s been going on with you?”

Astrid crossed her arms. “Just some female stuff. Aren’t you late for work?”

A quick glance at the clock on the wall made her mom’s eyes bug out of her head. “Oh, dear!”

As her mother was grabbing her keys, Astrid pointedly sat back on the counter, waving goodbye as Wilma rushed to the door, put on her shoes in record speed and bumped her knee on the coatrack. Then she was gone, the sound of her car’s engine fading in the distance.

Astrid took her time drinking her glass of water, swinging her legs back and forth, feet bumping into the counter like the beat to her own song. Humming various melodies, basking in the sunlight shining through the kitchen window, she found herself drifting off into a daydream. A very self-indulgent one. One where she could just rearrange her life so she had nothing to worry about anymore.

The chime of her phone shook her out of her little perfect fantasy and she almost rolled her eyes at herself for how silly her thoughts were. Dreaming too much about unrealistic notions was only a waste of time, especially if one could somehow achieve their dreams by actions instead.

She hopped off the counter and, while texting her colleague back that she could take over his shift the next day, made her way into her bedroom to grab her swimming bag. A short drive and change of clothes later, she dove into the pool and cut through the water like she was part of it.

On her way back home, right as she was singing along to Guns N’ Roses, her phone interrupted the song with a call. Glancing at the radio display, her lips curled into a smile when she saw who was calling and she tapped a button on her steering wheel.

“Hey there,” she greeted.

“Hi,” it came out of her speakers a little unclearly, static in the background that sounded familiar.

“Are you driving?”

There was a small pause. “What? Sorry, I didn’t get that.”

“Are you driving?” she repeated a little louder.

“Yes, sorry. My car’s a piece of shit.” He was almost screaming.

“Are your windows down? It sounds like-“

“What?”

She groaned. They were getting nowhere like this. “Hiccup, can you hear me?” she shouted.

“Yes.” The background noise faded a little bit. “I’m in front of a red light, the engine’s quiet, now’s your chance.”

“Mine? You’re the one who called.”

“Right… Oops, yellow light.” The noise was back immediately.

Halting in front of a traffic light herself, Astrid grabbed her phone and quickly typed a message before an impatient honk behind her notified her that the line of cars in front of her was moving.

“Geez, calm down, jackass,” she mumbled and accelerated.

“WHAT?” It almost made her laugh this time. This was terrible.

“NOT TALKING TO YOU!”

That exact moment, the noise faded again. “You don’t have to scream, you know,” Hiccup joked.

“Just be glad I can’t hit you right now.” Before he had a chance to answer and be cut off by his car again, she kept talking. “You know what? I just texted you my address. If you want, you can come by and we can talk in a normal volume like normal people.”

“Define normal.” He chuckled and the noise picked up again. “But um… Yeah, yes, I can do that, I can… Yes. Um… See you in a few then, I guess?”

“Okay, great!” she shouted one last time before the call ended and Axl Rose continued singing about rain in November.

She made sure to be home first. She had just enough time to hang her swimsuit and towel in the garden to dry, kick her dad’s smelly old slippers far underneath the couch and check if there was toilet paper and soap in the guest bathroom, before the doorbell rang.

She made iced tea and they sat on the couch.

“So why did you call me earlier?” she asked, catching the straw between her teeth and taking a sip.

“Oh, ah…” Hiccup fidgeted around a bit, settling on sitting with one leg crossed under him, the other dangling off the couch. “I just… I was wondering… What your favorite color is?”

“That’s why you called me?”

He shrugged, leaning one elbow next to him on the back of the couch. His smile was a tad awkward, as if he didn’t quite know how to explain himself. “Yeah, see, I was on my way home and there was nothing good on the radio and I didn’t have my CDs and I was thinking and you know how I draw for a living? And I can’t exactly recall my train of thought but it ended at favorite color station and then I realized I never asked you what it was, your favorite color, I mean–”

“It’s blue,” she interrupted his rambling with a fond smile.

The hand holding his iced tea stopped midway through gesticulating. “Just blue?”

“I also like gold, but more the soft gold tones, not the flashy ones. But mostly blue.”

He nodded, thoughtful, as if this information was some kind of clue for a puzzle.

“What do you think mine is?” he then asked, brows still furrowed in thought, waiting for the last puzzle piece to click, or something.

“You want me to guess your favorite color?”

“Yeah, I… I’m curious about something.”

She took a few long sips of her iced tea, studying him intently. How should she guess what his favorite color was? Was he wearing it right now? His shirt was black with print in several colors. His jeans were blue, his shoes dark brown with olive green accents. She didn’t have a clue.

When she met his eyes again, which were observing her as if they were trying to read her thoughts or maybe steer them in the right direction, a sudden feeling overcame her. It was strangely familiar, accentuated by a certain smell pulling at the edges of her mind for the fraction of a second. She was still trying to make sense of that when he opened his mouth to say something, but she beat him to it.

“The forest. All the colors you find in the forest. Dark green, rich natural green, dark and light brown, maroon, autumn colors.”

He was silent for a moment before a wide smile lit up his eyes.

“Wait, was that correct?”

He nodded. “All of it.”

“No way! You’re bullshitting me.”

“I swear that I’m not!” He held up his hands.

“Seriously?! How the hell did I guess that right?” She unconsciously leaned closer, as if an invisible rope was drawing her in. “You must have told me that once before!”

“I didn’t! Just as you never told me yours before now, but I immediately guessed it right when someone asked me about it recently.”

Astrid was still having a hard time coming to terms with her one in a million guess. What was this, some kind of uncanny connection? An elaborate prank of sorts? A lottery win? It took her a second to register that the gears she heard creaking in her head were, in fact, a key turning in the front door’s lock. A quick glance at the clock made her hopes that it was her dad returning from work early evaporate into thin air. Because her mother was the one who knew certain things. And certain faces.

Not blind to the sudden twist of panic on her face, Hiccup laid a not-helping hand on her knee. “Are you okay?”

Shuffling in her seat until she reached the spot on the couch furthest away from him, she nodded as casually as possible. “Sure.”

He’s just a friend, she told her rapidly beating heart, feeling almost twenty years younger, caught with her fingers in the chocolate pudding in the middle of the night. Just a friend, just a friend, just a friend, just a friend, just–

“Oh, hello!”

–a friend…

“Hey… Mom.”

Hiccup turned around, meeting her mother’s eyes. Astrid watched her reaction closely. At first, a curious intake of the face before her. Then, the slight narrowing of her eyes, a slowly raising eyebrow, culminating in the most harrowing anxiety-inducing kind of recognition Astrid could imagine.

“Mom, you remember Hiccup?” She sent her mother silent warning thoughts that didn’t seem able to penetrate the awkwardness she could practically see settling around her friend.

“I do,” Wilma said, gaze flitting between her daughter and the young man she remembered thoroughly confounding said daughter’s emotional state not quite so long ago.

“Nice to, er, nice to see you again, Mrs. Hofferson,” Hiccup greeted, shooting Astrid a wide-eyed panicked look.

“HICCUP, LET ME SHOW YOU THE HAMMOCK,” she all but shouted and grabbed his wrist, only to draw back immediately as the skin contact shot an electrical shock up her arm. Not letting that derail her escape attempt, she reached for his elbow and pulled him from the couch, making a bee-line for the garden door.

He gave a last awkward wave towards her mother before most willingly following her away from this encounter.

In a corner of the garden, a comfy hammock hung between an apple tree and a plum tree. She let herself fall into it backwards, sprawling her limbs for a second before making herself comfortable and patting the space next to her. Hiccup gingerly sat down, trying to leave some space between them, but the hammock wasn’t big enough. Slowly, gravity pulled him back towards the middle of the cloth, until their shoulders and hips were touching. Astrid didn’t complain.

“So… That was…” he started, but before he could say the word ‘awkward’, she interrupted him.

“How’s Toothless? How does he deal with having to wait for his dinner a little longer today?”

“Oh, he’ll live. Besides, I’m pretty sure he knows how to open the bag of dry food I’ve stored on the highest shelf.”

When he continued to talk about his cat, she mentally heaved a sigh of relief. She really wanted to avoid talking about why him meeting her mother again had been awkward, because then she’d have to acknowledge that there’d been something to talk about, and she’d rather not open that can of worms. Ever. So she just started idly rocking the hammock back and forth, pretending the motion was the reason for the pleasant fluttering in her stomach.

_______________

Wilma Hofferson liked to spend the end of a workday on the couch, newspaper or a magazine in hand and a pot of tea on the table. Sometimes, when her husband came home early, he’d join her, and they’d chat about their day or sit in comfortable silence, passing over parts of the newspaper every once in a while. It was her favorite way to relax and wind down after a stressful day.

Today, however, she was having trouble concentrating on the latest news from the sports industry and the discourse surrounding politics. The tea on the couch table was already cold and the muscles in her back wouldn’t quite react to the pillows.

One of the windows stood ajar and she could hear occasional bouts of laughter and exclamations waft over from the other side of the garden. For the past week or two, she’d been worried about her daughter. It was obvious that there was something bothering her, something serious she refused to talk about, or even acknowledge. And Wilma hated it, hated not knowing what was going on, what was causing her child such inner turmoil.

Now, however, it seemed the most important piece of the puzzle had appeared on the very couch she was sitting on right now. The urgent looks Astrid had thrown her and her escape into the garden only magnified Wilma’s suspicion that her daughter was, in fact, not exactly done with the topic of Hiccup Haddock. And even if the two ultimately were just friends, she still couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to the situation than Astrid was letting on.

Her thoughts were interrupted by sudden loud voices approaching the door to the garden, a discussion playing out between the two entering the living room. If she hadn’t had her daughter’s entire life worth of time to learn to distinguish between her girl’s angry and her daring, competitive facial expressions and body language, her initial assessment of the scene before her would have been a tantalizing fight between lovers. The grin tugging on the boy’s lips, however, only amplified the rays of playful banter shining off the pair.

Astrid caught Wilma’s look. “What?”

“Nothing, I’m just curious what this is about.”

“He thinks I’m being a coward.” Astrid jutted a finger in Hiccup’s direction.

“What?!” he immediately exclaimed. “I never said that, when- when have I said that? Didn’t you hear me? I said you’re crazy and you shouldn’t do it. I didn’t say that you wouldn’t.”

“That’s right, because I would. And I will.” She crossed her arms, nothing but daring determination written across her features. Then she walked away towards the kitchen with the same energy, Hiccup hurrying after her.

“No, Astrid, don’t actually do it!”

Now that the two were out of sight, Wilma strained her ears to further hear their conversation, trying to understand what was going on without going after them like a parent making sure their child didn’t do anything stupid. Although, in this particular case, that didn’t sound like such a bad idea.

She could hear the sounds of body parts colliding with furniture or the occasional other body part, as apparently a scuffle broke out, accompanied by the occasional giggle or huff. Something clattered to the ground.

“Ha!” Astrid seemed to have won the scuffle.

“Astrid, no, put that away!” There seemed to be more wrestling, followed by a groan of pain from Hiccup and a stifled, “Bad Astrid!” According to the lack of more jostling, he had given up taking away whatever she was crinkling in her hand.

“I’m gonna do it.”

“Astrid, no, I was joking earlier! Don’t actually do it! Don’t- No- Astrid- I will tell your mother-“

“Cheers!”

There was a beat of silence.

“Oh my god, she actually did it.”

Cries of disgust rose over his muttered expression of awe and disbelief alike, then spluttering.

Muffled by something in her mouth, Astrid’s words were barely discernible. “Fuck, tha’sh dishgushting! An’ sho dwy!”

Someone turned on the sink and presumably filled a glass with water.

“Don’t swallow it, spit it out. I’m sure eating it wouldn’t be good for you.” The amusement in his voice was unmistakable.

Sounds of spitting and gurgling filled the pause before a triumphant Astrid spoke again. “Told you I’d do it.”

“Were you like that during High School?”

“Oh yeah. Sometimes even worse.”

He chuckled, somewhat softly. “High School me would have been crushing on you so hard.”

Silence. Wilma caught herself holding her breath, almost rooting for something to happen. But after a minute of quiet, there was only a loud sneeze and more exclamations of disgust.

“EW! That stuff is so sticky and dry at the same time!” More water ran through the sink.

“You don’t say! What did you expect?”

Wilma couldn’t hold still anymore. She made her way over to the kitchen, where she found one of them spluttering into the sink and the other leaning against the counter right beside her, arms crossed, shaking his head with a grin.

“What on earth are you doing in here?”

Slightly startled by her sudden appearance, the pair looked up. There were traces of a white powder on Astrid’s chin and shirt.

Hiccup’s voice sounded deadpan, but his eyes shone with amusement. “She bet me she’d eat a whole sachet of baking powder.”

Wilma’s eyebrows climbed up to her hairline. “Do I need to know why?”

“No, mom. You really don’t.” Astrid rolled her eyes the same way she used to when she was a kid and her parents interrupted her mid-playdate. Or when she was an ambitious teenager and someone brought up the topic of boys. Or when she was in college and tried to vehemently deny that she was not sleeping with that gorgeous new ‘study buddy’ of hers. “We’re just messing around, don’t worry, I’m old enough not to break the kitchen.”

Astrid threw her a look and Wilma could only decipher the message it carried through mother-child-telepathy.

Don’t even start, it said, we’re just friends doing stupid friends stuff.

Wilma wasn’t convinced, judging by the pair’s body language, even if unintended. They seemed to gravitate towards each other. If one moved a shoulder, the other changed the angle of a foot. If one ever so slightly leaned in another direction, the other followed. There was always a part of them angled toward the other. Two magnets. She wanted to think it had been the same with Eret, but she had to admit she’d never paid enough attention to notice.

After one more gulp of water and a last disgusted shudder, they left the room, leaving a trail of electricity in the air, akin to the remnants of a summer storm.

She was extraordinarily stubborn, that girl. If only she were less tenacious with herself.

_______________

Astrid watched his car disappear down the street before she turned and headed back into the house, feeling content and giddy at the same time. The cheerful smile on her face, however, disappeared as soon as she entered the kitchen and found her mother waiting for her.

Preparing herself for the imminent interrogation, she took a wet cloth and cleaned the rest of the baking powder off the counter and threw the empty paper sachet in the trash. She didn’t have to wait long.

“So we’re eating baking soda now to impress boys?”

“It wasn’t baking soda; it was baking powder.”

“And?”

“And I didn’t do it to impress anyone, it was just a stupid dare!”

Her mother sighed. “Astrid-“

“No, don’t start with that tone. I told you, everything’s fine, and I met Hiccup by chance a few days ago. We’re just friends!”

Wilma crossed her arms. “That’s not what I saw.”

With a huff and a little too much force, Astrid put the empty water glass into the dishwasher, and it dangerously clinked against a mug and a saucer. “Whatever you saw, it’s not what you think. We didn’t do anything.”

“I am not trying to chastise you.” Her mother came closer and stretched a hand out to her, but Astrid turned away, leaning against the kitchen table. “I just want you to talk to me about what’s going on with you, and don’t you say that there is nothing, because I can sense that there is!”

Astrid huffed again. “If there was something for me to talk to you about, then I would tell you.”

“Okay, then don’t.” Astrid winced. She could tell her mother was losing her patience. “Keep bottling everything up until it breaks you from the inside. Keep pushing away the people that want to help you be happy. And please, Astrid Hofferson, keep denying everything to yourself and stay miserable!”

“Like I said,” Astrid whispered, suddenly feeling queasy, “there is nothing.” Her phone chimed in her pocket with a familiar tune. “And now excuse me, I have an online date with Ruffnut.”

Ignoring her mother’s disappointed expression, she turned and ran up the stairs to her room, closing the door and leaning against it for a few minutes. Her stomach clenched itself together and she concentrated on breathing until it calmed down.

She banished the conversation with her mother from her mind, changed into her sweatpants and deliberately put on one of Eret’s old hoodies. Then she crawled into bed with her laptop, opened Ruff’s chat and checked her phone while she waited for her friend to come online.

There was one new message and it sent another jolt threw her stomach. It was Hiccup, asking her if she wanted to come to Raven Point forest on Saturday, just for a little nature quality time. With a fluttering in her chest and a still queasy stomach, she texted him yes.

Just when she sent the text, a chat window popped open on her laptop’s screen, followed by an incoming voice call.

Twenty minutes later, after Ruff told her every single detail about her family vacation in Spain so far, including an in-depth analysis off all the butts and abs she’d seen at the pool of her hotel until now, they switched from shooting enemies online to sharing a screen and playing The Sims.

“…so he offers her the rose and she takes it, sniffs it good, and winks at him. Poor Tuff is in waaaay too deep at this point.” Ruffnut cackled, finishing her story about her twin brother’s affair with a lady who stayed in their hotel as well and was almost ten years older than him. It was kind of hilarious how he hadn’t really planned on going through with anything, but then he’d found himself in the situation and hadn’t backed out. And now he was in way over his head. But knowing the twins, Astrid could only imagine this ending in absolute chaos, and couldn’t wait for the full story once they came home.

“I’m almost done with the Sim, how far along are you with the house?” Once they were both done with their creations, Astrid would upload her character for Ruff so she could share her screen and they’d reign over it together in her built house. It was how they’d been doing it since middle school.

“Almost. Still deciding between a garden of cow plants and a dungeon.”

“Choose the cow plants and we’ll have the Sim feed only every second one,” Astrid suggested while clicking through her Sim’s wardrobe options for formal wear. On a whim, she had made her character small and chubby, with very short and spiky platinum blonde hair, gray eyes and the most ugly nose and ears she could create.

Ruffnut burst out laughing once she saw it. “Hot. Almost like Eret.”

Astrid snorted at that. “Uncanny resemblance.” And yet it wasn’t even Eret she’d tried to steer away from while designing the Sim. But Ruff was right, in her effort to do just that, she’d also created a non-Eret. All the better.

Two hours later, the guy was still alive and kicking, despite the hungry carnivorous plants in his garden and the plenty fire hazards Ruff had installed in his house. He had even found love in one of his neighbors, after spending comparatively little time with her.

“Sims logic,” Ruff sneered. “As if you can fall in love after one ten-second conversation about light bulbs. And get married right after.”

Astrid chose not to comment on that. She shifted in her bed, sitting up straight again so that her laptop didn’t sit on her stomach so much, suddenly feeling queasy again. She’d probably accidentally swallowed some of the baking powder.

Her thoughts drifted to Saturday. She hoped the weather would be good, but after these weeks of sunshine and temperatures almost too high for May, she wasn’t worried. She could already smell the beginning of summer in the woods, see the sunlight catching in–

“Yo, jackpot!” Ruff’s voice tore her from her daydreams.

“What? What happened?”

“Weird neighbor girl got knocked up!”

The warm feeling in Astrid’s chest shrunk into a tight little ball, rising into her throat. She tried to swallow it, but it stayed where it was.

“Ruff?”

“Huh?”

“Can you imagine me with a child?”

“Sure, you already act like my mom sometimes.”

“No, I don’t!” Astrid protested. She did, though. She realized that herself.

“Yeah, you definitely do. Why are you asking?”

Astrid took a moment to answer. “Just thinking about it. Because of the game.” She grimaced.

“Cool. Tell me when you’re seriously thinking of trying, my friend Kelsey did that last year so I can give you all the deets. You know I’m good at advice.” She cackled.

“Hmm. Will do. Hey, go back to the first floor, I think the toilet just exploded!”

Long after midnight, when she and Ruff had ended the call, she slowly opened the bottom drawer of her dresser and took out the pregnancy test she’d bought and hadn’t had the nerve to use yet.

With the lump in her throat growing and the queasiness in her stomach uncomfortably increasing, she tiptoed into the bathroom and unwrapped the stick with shaking hands.

When she was done with it, she sunk onto the floor, leaning against the tub, the test lying next to her. With a pounding heart, she refused to look at it, staring at the underside of the sink until her tailbone started to hurt from sitting in this position for so long. There was really no use in waiting any longer; whatever the result was, it was real, no matter how long she put off finding out. Still, it took her several more minutes before she took a deep breath and reached for the stick.

She released the air from her lungs when she looked at it, the result staring her in the face, unmistakable and clear.

Hands still shaking, she took out her phone and dialed a number before she could change her mind. He picked up after the fourth ring.

“Hello? Astrid?”

“He-“ She cleared her throat. “Hey.” She didn’t know what to say. Their last exchange had been nearly two weeks ago and it had been less than friendly.

“How… How are you doing?” Eret didn’t know what to say, either. It went unspoken between them that they left things too messy to have a casual conversation right now, or an even remotely serious one over the phone. But she didn’t want to fight anymore, and neither did he. She knew that she needed to apologize for some of the things she’d said. All of them if she were honest. But the words died on her tongue when she made out voices in the background.

She heard a woman call for him, and the old fire flared back up in her chest, hungry and destructive. A male voice joined her.

“Um…” Eret paused, unsure how to continue.

With bated breath, she waited for him to say something. Anything. Feed the raging flame.

“We were just about to go out for drinks, me and a few colleagues, Timothy… Timothy’s waiting for me, I’m sorry. I gotta go. We’ll talk when I’m home, okay?”

Who the hell was Timothy? “I… Yeah. Okay.”

“See you on Sunday.”

He ended the call and left her in the eerie silence of the bathroom. She just sat there, slumped against the tub, tailbone complaining, swallowing the rocks in her lungs.

With a frustrated huff, she threw the stick at the wall, a lonely tear rolling down her cheek.

[thoughtsofanexcitedspacechild]

25 more things I learned during a global pandemic from your Local Teenage Train wreck :) (Pt. 2)

1. Gaining weight is okay. Losing weight is okay. Bodies fluctuate and are inconsistent. Just make sure that you’re trying your best to be healthy, whatever that means for you. 

2. School is hard, especially during a global. freaking. pandemic. Don’t beat yourself up if it’s harder to get up in the morning or your grades aren’t as high as they usually are. It’s hard right now. 

3. You’re mental health comes above all. School, responsibilities, and personal projects are not worth your time if it’s affecting your mental health. If your gut is telling you to take a break, take a break!

4. If you feel lonely, get a plant to keep in your room. Do some research as to that plants do best with the type of lighting in your room, and figure out some basic care instructions. Have someone to take care of besides yourself. Name your plants, and take care of them. 

5. Even if you’re not good at writing, I suggest you keep a journal during this time. It kept me sane over the summer, and even though I eventually stopped because of limited time with school starting back up, it helped to keep me sane in the worst of the pandemic. 

6. If you’re spiritual (or even if you’re not) learn how to do shadow work. This isn’t anything that has to be spiritual or done in just one religion. It’s basically giving yourself a chance and a space to be open and honest with yourself and to learn what you might need to work on through writing. If you google it, you can find a more in depth explanation, and prompts to start doing it. You basically give yourself a prompt. They can be questions like “What’s the biggest lie you’ve told someone else or yourself?” or they can be a little less heavy like “What are five non physical things that you genuinely like about yourself?”. This can be pretty heavy, and can dig up some unwanted emotions, but that’s the whole point; to deal with the emotions you may have been repressing and letting fester inside of you. 

7. On days when you’re not feeling well mentally, take a break. It’s okay to drop everything and get an extra hour of sleep, read, or do something else to make yourself feel better.

8. After hard days, I know the last thing you want to do is get up and continue on, but here are some ways to do it:

- lay out an outfit that’s put together, but not as over the top. No sweat pants or crappy clothes, but it doesn’t have to be your usual put together outfits with a full face of makeup. A nice crewneck and a nice pair of black athletic leggings can go a long way. 

-wear your comfort jewelry. I wear my beaded necklace that I bought for myself,  the silver ring my grandma gave me and the gold cross ring that my mom gave to me when I got confirmed. 

-eat breakfast. A handful of cereal will do. Anything. But eat something. I like to make oatmeal. It sounds boring but if you make it right, it tastes just perfect for mornings when you don’t feel hungry but know inside that you are. Recipe is next on the list :)

-go to school. I know you want to lay in bed. I know the last place you want to be is a crowded building full of pubescent teens that aren’t nice, but go. Go to learn. Go to absorb knowledge like a sponge, and don’t worry if you fail and lose some of the water, because you can always soak it up later. 

-if you have practice, rehearsal, a game, whatever, be gentle on yourself. Today might not be your best day physically, because the brain controls everything. Forgive yourself if you can’t land that double pirouette, get to the high note, or make that assist. You’re abilities are stagnant, and they’re going to change depending on how you feel

-When you get home, turn off your phone. Friends, social media, etc. can wait. Set a timer for one hour. Do work for just that hour. When the timer rings, finish what you were doing and then stop. Now have a 20 minute break and do something that’s not screen related. Read a book, draw something; heck, stare at the wall for 20 minutes and space out. When the timer rings, do another hour and repeat the same process until it’s all done. 

-have a playlist you listen to to heal you. Sad boi hours are ok, just make sure to have a playlist of songs that get you moving again. 

-Sleep. Even if that means putting off work for tomorrow. It’s ok. You really need it. 

9. Oatmeal seems gross until you know how to prepare it. When you do, it’s revolutionary. It’s a high volume, low calorie food, so you’ll stay full for a while without overeating, all while consuming less calories than you would with a traditional breakfast cereal. 

The right way to make it: 

-measure out half a cup of old fashioned oats. Not steel cut. Those aren’t as good. 

-MOST IMPORTANT STEP: add half a cup of water and half a cup of milk of your choice. I personally like almond milk because it’s kind of sweet already even when it’s unsweetened. 

-SECOND MOST IMPORTANT STEP: add a pinch of salt, a sprinkle of cinnamon, and allspice, and a teaspoon or two of maple syrup. This is what makes it taste palatable. It’s less sugar than store-bought, and tastes amazing. 

-Microwave that shit for one minute and stir. It should look kind of lumpy, but not a ton. Then, put another minute on. Stir at every half increment. (After 30 seconds, every 15 seconds, and then every 7) This is so it doesn’t boil over. Then, take it out, stir it one last time, and let it sit for a second. 

-Wash up some berries to put in it. I love blueberries and or blackberries. 

perfect oatmeal every. single. time. Feel free to add more toppings like nuts or if you wanna treat yourself chocolate or substitute the spices, but this is honestly one of my favorite breakfasts that keeps me full throughout the day. 

10. Learn a new language. Yes, Duolingo is annoying, but do it. Find one that you’ll like to learn and that’s easy for you. Try them on like old clothes and find one that fits just right. For me, it’s French. Expose yourself to that language. Listen to music, read books (or try to) and watch movies with subtitles. Soon enough, you’ll be eager to learn more. 

11. Learn how to use notion.com. It’s super amazing. You can literally keep track of your entire life there. It’s pretty fun to use as well. I made schedules for each day after school, a reading log, a want to read list, a personal habit tracker, etc, and they’re all extremely helpful. 

12. Make a list of things you weren’t allowed to do as a kid and do one every day. Heal your inner child by finally itching the spot that may not have been scratched for years. 

13. Learn how to make origami stars. They’re really easy, and I can’t recommend Maqaroon’s (Joanna’s) video on how to make them enough. Once you’ve got it down, get yourself a nice big jar and write down things you’re grateful for on the slips of paper you’re going to fold. Fill up your gratitude jar and make a wish once it’s full. It will come true. 

14. Have 30 minutes a day to put your phone down and read. Yes. You will have to sacrifice something to do this, but it’s so important and good for not only information retention and learning, but for mental health as well. Even if you have to get up half an hour earlier to do it, it’s worth it. 

15. It’s okay to be alone, but learn to recognize the difference between alone and lonely. If you’re lonely, here are some things to do:

-write a letter to a friend. It’s something nice you can do for yourself and others, and it’s not feeding into the toxic instant reply culture that we live in

-read a book or watch a show that gets you to connect with the characters, even if that means (I've said it before and I’ll say it again) rereading a favorite ya series or binging atla for the fiftieth time. It’s good for the soul.

-take a walk and smile at the people you see coming past. Again, it’s good for the soul. 

-go to the coffee shop and ask the barista to make you a drink that tastes like “_____” (insert whatever you want there. It could be a color, song, feeling, etc.) It’s weird and uncomfortable, but it gives you a conversation starter and 9.9 times out of 10 a really good drink. (Also helpful for when you think the barrista’s cute)

-Reading in general. It opens up so many new worlds with the turn of a page. 

16. Monitor your food intake. No, don’t restrict your food intake, monitor it. This means first seeing exactly what your putting in your body and altering it to gradually improve to a clean diet. Humans weren’t built to process all the preservatives, additives and sugars found in most processed food (cereals, chips, anything in a foil bag that’s either really sweet or really salty) and it’s important to cut down and if possible eliminate as much as you can of it out of your diet. Food is fuel, and you truly are what you eat. You’ll notice that by increasing your vegetable intake, reducing white processed sugars and carbs*, and cutting out sodas/extra sugars, that you’ll feel better. This isn’t a weight loss thing, but you may start to trim down a little bit once you go more intense with it. You don’t have to eliminate anything fully, and please enjoy your favorite “bad” foods! Everything in moderation is perfect! Just make sure that you’re getting the good stuff in there too! *Side note, do NOT cut out carbs! See my post on how I’m losing weight to get more into depth on this. 

17. Buy fresh flowers for yourself. Who says that you have to wait for someone else? That’s completely false, and you should totally treat yourself to a nice bouquet on occasion, especially in the dead of winter. 

18. The whole idea of self love is flawed. Loving yourself has nothing to do with the way you look. Loving yourself comes with genuinely loving your life. If you don't love the way you’re living, change it. Make and set goals. Fail at achieving those goals. Get back up and try again until you finally get it, but make sure that whatever you’re doing, you’re doing to love the life you live. Life doesn’t live you. You live life.

19. Have candles and incense. (Or a diffuser if you’re not allowed to burn stuff) Making your environment smell good makes a huge difference

20. Once you turn 18, get a tattoo. It doesn’t have to mean anything. Pick something small and get it behind your ear, on your ankle, wrist, fingers, whatever. You’ll love having the memory when your old. 

21. Realize your worth. We often put ourselves down because we think that valuing ourselves is equivalent to selfishness. It’s not. At all. You are just as important as everyone else. Your voice matters too. 

22. Go to art museums

23. Go to free concerts in the park

24. Expose yourself to new art, ideas, and literature

25. Life is gonna suck sometimes. It’s just how it is. That doesn’t mean a bad day’s gonna last forever. As cheesy as it is, keep your head up :)

[sunneinsplendor]

Chef Jeff Bread Pudding

Yes, I  took the time to recreate the bread pudding Jeff Blim’s chef character in 911 was making when he got impaled by an exploding whip cream canister, what’re you doing with your degree in quarantine? :p

All seriousness this was fun and I enjoyed doing it, so here’s 

a) a recipe for my best approximation of Chef Maurice Malone’s bourbon bread pudding with as many photos as I could do. 

b) some bonus features that you can add to this recipe that will make it better. I’m not telling a character that spent a minute and some change doing his best before being a table prop how to do his job.....except that I am. Sorry, but bourbon alone doesn’t make a winning dessert, fight me, Jeff chef.

c) a sidenote: I’m not using one of those nitro whip containers. They’ve literally killed people and you’ll never see one in my kitchen. Seriously. The death narrowly avoided in this episode happened to someone in 2017. Don’t use those fucking canisters. 

everything recipe-wise under the cut. It’s gonna be long.

OKAY. WELCOME to cooking in the fanbase!

First thing: Wash your hands. Not pictured but I’m sure with the pandemic we all know how to wash our damn hands.

Second thing: Gather our ingredients.

You will need:  Nutmeg, cinnamon, half and half, vanilla, two eggs, white and brown sugar, a loaf of bread that’s preferably a little stale, and bourbon. All the bourbon. 

his is for enough bread pudding to fill the containers shown, which are two little ramekins and one medium sized one. If you have no ramekins, congratulations, you made it this far in life without them! A muffin tin will work fine but won’t look the same. Cuz they’re bread pudding muffins now. Don’t worry about it, it’s gonna taste GREAT. 

Third thing: Making the batter. 

1 cup of half and half. You can sub out alternate milks for this probably but since I’m recreating a recipe done by a fake chef on a fake cooking show I’m assuming he’s going for gold here and making the richest dessert he can get away with. So. Dairy. Pour that in the bowl. Add 1/4 cup sugar, 1/4 tsp cinnamon, 1/8 tsp nutmeg. whisk all that together until the cinnamon stops being unsocial and actually combines with the milk. Add the two eggs, 1 tsp vanilla, and about 1 Tablespoon of bourbon. You can add more bourbon. Its ok, no one’s judging, but too much is gonna screw with the ratios so adjust if you need to for your intake, perhaps less vanilla?

Fourth thing: Bread.

Again, pretty sure you can adjust this for gluten free etc by switching out bread etc, but recreating Jeff Chef, so full-flour bread from wherever you wanna get stuff from. Any bread will do, lord knows most of us have decided to make bread at least once during this pandemic, so use that if you have it. I’m using about three fat slices, like so:

cut off loaf. Watch your fingers and use a serrated knife, you’ll get cleaner cuts and not want to tear your hair out with the loaf being squished or tearing or whatever.

Cube up. Repeat at least 2 more times. squish all that bread into all that battery goodness. Cover in plastic wrap after making sure all of it’s gotten a good soak in the batter, let it do it’s thing for a half hour at the shortest. 

BONUS FEATURES: If you want to add extra stuff to it like berries or whatever you can do that when we squish it all in the ramekins or muffin tins or what we choose to use. What I’m adding to mine is my favorite, and I feel like Chef Jeff would approve. SO. What you need is about a handful of dried cherries, some orange zest and about a shot glass full of bourbon.

Oh yeah. That’s the stuff. 

So what you’re gonna do with that is slow simmer it for about 5-10 minutes til most of the bourbon has been either cooked off or absorbed into those sexy little cherries. Put it to one side in a cup or something when it gets there, we need that pan back cuz we’re making bourbon caramel sauce.

Yeah buddy. 

Fifth thing: Caramel. Smallish caramel batch is gonna be: 1/2 cup white sugar. 2 Tablespoons of brown sugar. I’m using dark but it doesn’t matter much, I just like the molasses content of the dark more. Also we’re using a tablespoon of water. Yes the water is important. Sugar scorches if you glance at it wrong and the little bit of water makes it less likely to do the thing. So. Medium high heat to start, then a nice middle heat once everything starts cooking together. DO NOT LEAVE THIS ALONE FOR A SECOND. DON’T DO IT. DO NOT. Sugar is the most persnickety motherfucker to ever motherfuck and it will go from a gorgeous caramel to the thing that the fire alarm is gonna tell everyone you fucked up SO FAST. This shit gets WATCHED. GOT IT? Good. 

So when it looks like this (let’s say 15 minutes in? Something like that, you’ll know when it hits this color) you take it off the heat and stir in 1/2 cup of whipping cream that’s at room temperature. Yes that’s important. The colder the whipping cream is the more it’s gonna steam when it hits that molten lava we’ve just been coddling on the stove and it will burn the absolute fuck out of your hands. Room temp. Save your hands. Trust me. Stir fast but pour slow, it’s ok to have to add this in intervals. Return the pan to a really low heat and keep stirring until the inevitable sugar blobs have turned back into a smooth, pretty caramel.

Should stick to the back of a cold spoon like this. Add about a shot glass of bourbon to it and stir some more. The steam is gonna slap you in the face with alcohol flavor but don’t worry, most of it’s gonna cook off. Once all that’s mixed in, take it off the heat, let it hang out on the stove, it’s done for the moment. 

BACK TO THE BREAD PUDDING! 

Sixth thing: Put the bread pudding stuff in your containers for bread pudding!  Protip: Butter the insides. If you HAVE to use pan spray that’s fine but butter is better. Ghee or something similar will also be fine but I’m french chef trained and will go to my grave telling you to use fucking butter.

look how cute they are! The little guys are straight Chef Jeff ones but the big one is the Bonus Content one, that’s where our simmered cherries and orange zest went, mix it in with your hands when you’re portioning it all out, k?  OVEN TIME! The little guys are in at 350 degrees for 15 minutes then ratchet that oven up to 400 for another 15 minutes to finish. 

Lookin’ good, guys. Ok. Let those cool, we’ve got whipped cream to not get murdered by. 

1 cup whipping cream. 2 Tablespoons powdered sugar. Bourbon. Whip the shit out of it. Remember why you hate parts of your fucking major. Throw the whip in the sink and bust out the damn eggbeaters because screw continuity your forearms hurt. 

Voila. Whipped cream that no one got a nitro canister in the chest over.  Sidenote: If you wanna just get a can of Reddi Whip or whatever no one’s gonna judge. It won’t taste the same but it’s easier and frankly after a certain point you’ll wonder if the whipped cream by hand is worth it anyway but it is really goddamn good. 

PLATING! THING THE LAST!

(With apologies to the food stylist on 911, as I have no white plates and am making do with my green ones)

We did it, guys! Chef Maurice Malone’s (Chef Jeff’s) bread pudding, with no near deaths! Go out there and make your own, cuz this thing is DELICIOUS. 

[chilvanakin]

If I had to remember how it started, I would have to replay the flashback of being told that when I became obese at 15, that I couldn’t “come crying”. I was 8 when my dad told me this. Afterwards, I had this increasing feeling of being in the wrong body, like I had been misplaced at birth and was suddenly realizing it. I looked around at everyone else, having fun and enjoying their childhood while I compared me to them. I compared me to my best friend who I often I asked, “why can’t I look like you?”

I felt misplaced in a body that was my own, always had been, because someone else told me I was. How do you teach an 8 year old to go on a diet? I loved food, I was a picky eater but aren’t we all at that age? So how do you tell them that they need to change and that they don’t look pretty enough without traumatizing them? My dad now reafirms that he only said that to me because he wanted me to have high self esteem. He wanted me to “take care of myself”.

I developed anorexia at 14. I became obsessed with diet culture, “clean” eating, and exercising until I colapsed. I used my notebooks for tracking my daily intake and writing hateful messages to myself. I would motivate myself through my own hatred. Slowly, I decreased my meals until they weren’t even meals anymore. I thought I was being “healthy” by going on 3 to 4 day fasts, thinking that the kiwi I had before I began was enough. Newsflash, it wasn’t. But I continued.

My family situation got complex during this time. My parents were separated and I felt alone. I distanced myself from my friends and I had also stopped going to school. Everytime I talked to my dad through Skype, he would comment on how I was too thin. Amazingly so, I thought he was complimenting me. I got more and more obsessed, the loss of my period and hair became my motivation. The internet was my best friend because I read all about the “tips & tricks” of starving. I was tired, lonely, cold and angry. I had no patience and I was insufferable. This is what being malnourished will do to you.

After months and months of these rituals that and rules that seemed like an endless of “how to die in 10 days”, I tried to recover. How? By getting into fitness. I did Insanity while I was recovering, which was bullshit because that is NOT recovery. I didn’t challenge myself, I didn’t give my body time to rest- I exercised every day, I underfed and I normalized exhaustion. I was terrified of chocolate, processed foods and fats. The thought of putting on weight became a source of nightmares, LITERALLY. I would have NIGHTMARES about looking down at my body and seeing fat start to accumulate over my bones. Somehow, I thought that since I was exercising and eating more than my standard oatmeal and toast, that I was recovered.

I went to live with my father at 15. I feel like this decision shaped me as a person because I was forced to grow up way too fast. I made choices that no one should make a 15 year old make. At this point in time, I had put on weight and I was no longer exercising. My dad had a baby with this girlfriend of the time and all I wanted to do was be with my new baby brother. I didn’t think about food or dieting because I felt like somehow, watching him eat made me be at peace with food. My baby brother was growing and being nourished by the food we gave him and I wanted to make sure he was never hungry. It made me feel so happy to watch him laugh and wobble his way over to his mom for lunch time. I loved seeing him nibbling with a toothless mouth on a soft cookie, and offering the slobbered leftovers to me. That all stopped very suddenly, because my dad would start to make comments. Not only him, but his girlfriend too. Comments about how I was “eating too much” and how I “would look better if I was smaller”. I was experiencing extreme hunger when I moved in with my dad, because I had stopped exercising and my body no longer was focusing the energy on repairing my muscles, it was focusing on repairing me as a whole. I HAD to eat a lot because I needed to be healthy again. This was thrown completely out of the window and I caved into my disordered brain again. I felt almost grateful to them for motivating me to start losing weight again because I thought that it meant that they cared. So the food rules started again. It’s just that this time I didn’t need to learn the tips and tricks, I already knew them. Losing weight was easier now, and faster. So 2013 was the year I dedicated to my disorder. I restricted long enough that my hunger cues began to fade away. I thought that my body had gotten used to what I was eating. A green apple in the morning, some lettuce leaves and half a red bell pepper for lunch, and a single serving of prepackaged soup at night. My brain stopped screaming at me and I stopped thinking. I was reduced to being a zombie of my disorder. I stopped singing, I stopped writing, I stopped making art. I never cried, I laughed only when I was around other people. My body felt numb. I felt numb.

I remember taking showers and watching as day by day the fur growing all over my bones got longer and longer. I later found out that this is called “lanuga” which happens when you have lost an extreme amount of fat and your body reacts as an attempt at survival by growing these hairs, desperately trying to protect you. I felt tired, I couldn’t carry my baby brother anymore. He would ask me to hold him and I would try, but be very afraid of dropping him so I would have to refuse. I remember how upset he looked, we were so close. He loved being with me but I was so scared of him watching me do these things to myself. What if he learned from me? What if my actions stayed in his subconscious? I tried putting distance between us because of my fears. I hate myself for that because I miss him so much now, I miss the days we would spend and the naps we would take. I can’t take back that time.

We went to the doctor because I now, was at the brink of death. Truly I wish that I could say I’m being dramatic about that, but I’m not. My heart was weak and I could barely move. I was no longer sleeping and even sitting down hurt. My bones felt like knives crushing into my skin. I learned that I was at risk of heart failure and if I didn’t start recovering now, the next step would be having a tube thrusted down my throat. Force feeding. I couldn’t ever let that happen so I decided to once again, embarc on a lonely recovery path. As soon as I left the doctors, I told my dad to buy me chocolate. In response, he was annoyed. He thought that I was going to use my “verge of death illness” as an excuse to get obese. I cannot make this up y’all. He didn’t buy me shit and barked at me about how “you can eat at home”. Please, if anyone you know is going through restrictive eating disorder and they say they want chocolate- BUY THEM THE FUCKING CHOCOLATE!

I began refeeding and it was the most difficult thing I had ever done in my life. I couldn’t stomach food. I would eat and instantly have diarrhea. I had to have baby sized portions of food to be able to hold it down. This caused my weight to drop more, so I was now at the point where I actually did need to be hospitalized. I was afraid that I was going to die at any given point of the day. My dad once told me that “just because you have to start eating again doesn’t mean you can get as fat as you used to be”. I cried. This was the first time I had cried in so long. My numbed down feelings reflourished. The hate, the anger, the sadness I bottled up began overflowing. I didn’t stop eating, I gave myself the time I had to so I could stabilize myself. I was sent to go spend a few months with my dad’s girlfriend’s family. I barely knew these people, but they couldn’t handle me being this sick anymore. They didn’t want me. I was a bad influence to my brother. I was hurting them. My dad would have hated me if I told him I needed to be in the hospital, because that’s too much money so this was the easy way out. I guess if I needed to be hospitalized while I was there, it wouldn’t have to come out of his pocket.

I hated being away from my baby brother. I hated acting happy all the time when I was so depressed and furious. I tried making friends during my time away and all of them idolized my sick body. They asked me how I got to that point. I remember telling them I was sick, that I had to eat. They made me feel like that wasn’t neccesary, that I looked like a model. I ate anyway. I couldn’t go back home and still be sick, that would mean that I would be hated by them and maybe even have to leave home.

After a few months I gained some weight. I went back home. I asked my dad’s girlfriend if I was “fine now”, as in “am I not scary anymore”. She said I still looked very thin, but that it was fine. She told me not to go overboard. This meant “DO. NOT. GET. FAT.”

My dad and his girlfriend separated after a year and a half of my recovery. This whole period was very stressful since I was left alone with my dad. I was weight restored and I found some kind of peace with having no peace. I lived with the comments as a daily thing. “Don’t eat that, why don’t you do some arm exercises, you don’t really want that, why don’t those pants fit you anymore.” I got used to feeling foreign in my body. So being extremely malnourished was bad, bein inbetween wasn’t good enough and being restored to my set weight was just awful. I had no idea who I was or what I was supposed to be. I hated myself and I got used to that.

I am now 23 years old and I relapsed a few months ago. I understand now that I was never recovered. I was begging for help for years, but I got irritation and annoyance as a response. I never stopped having food rules, I never stopped being afraid of food. I cannot recover until my brain is completely rewired. I have to eat. I have to lose my fear around food. I have to HATE my disorder and push it out of every one of my pores until I am completely cleansed of it. I remember reading about how “this disorder never leaves you and you will always struggle with it”. I believed that for so long. I believed that I was never going to stop being afraid. I’m tired of feeling comfortable with my anorexia when it has ruined me to the point of feeling completely astranged from my body. I want to know who I am and not hate myself for it. I can’t recover fully until I rewire myself. Keep this with you. You cannot believe you are recovered just because some doctor tells you that you are weight restored. Your food rules need to disappear competely, you need to challenge yourself even if it terrifies you. I am so afraid, but I don’t ever want to go down this disordered path again. I want to spend time with the people that love me and not let anything get in my way. I am young and I am smart. So are you. Eat your fears.