#80 more pages in the doc

[serenescribe]

40k has been broken. still not done. please help

[foreverdolly]

𝐈 𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐄 |80's mechanic!austin x best friend!reader

summary: it's starting to look like he might never make it out of the friend zone. austin has been in love with you for as long as he can remember, and he's terrified that you'll never see him as anything more than a best friend and protector. with the fear of you one day outgrowing him fresh on his mind, he's now hell bent on getting you to view him in a different light. madly in love and terrified to lose you, austin butler is playing for keeps.

pairings: 80s mechanic! austin x childhood best friend!reader

word count: 4.8k

notes/warnings: SMUT! in part two, virgin!austin. . . need i say more?, i love pining and this fic is testament to that, shaky/hurried hands, who doesn't love a good best friends to lovers fic, he has a deep southern accent, austin is the small town's metalhead and he's swelteringly hot without even trying. (this is going to have to be two parts because it turned out too long after editing. the smut alone is like. . . five pages on google docs.)

The incessant metallic clinging and loud mechanic whirs echoed against the cement flooring of the auto body garage. The sun was peeking just over the trees right outside the open garage doors, the spring sky slowly burning gold and pink. Most of the men were rushing to finish up with the vehicles that they were working on, eager to get home to their families after a long day of work. There was one mechanic though -who might be young, but made up for it with skill- was still elbow deep under the car’s hood, eyebrows furrowed in deep concentration. He’d only been looking at the car for five minutes and knew exactly what was wrong with it. The elderly woman had gotten her car towed all the way to Travis’ shop after the damn thing stalled out in the middle of the Winn-Dixie parking lot. The young mechanic could see her through the lobby’s windows watching him, her tiny wrinkly hands balled up into nervous fists.

“Aye- Austin?” Travis jogged right up to Austin, placing his hand down on one of the side mirrors as he waited for the diagnosis. 

“It’s not the engine. The transmission,” He pointed towards the old hunk of junk, leaning his head back under the hood to show his boss. “It’s completely shot. She said it will jerk when she accelerates and the wheel will sometimes shake when she’s goin’ fast enough. What’s happening is that it’s slippin’. The damn thing won’t stay in gear. This car is ten years out of date- I mean. . . It's a ‘74. So even if we order the parts-” 

“It’s gonna cost more to fix than it would be for her to just buy a whole new one.” The boss finished for him, sighing when he saw Austin nod his head in agreement. 

The long haired blonde blinked his eyes against the burning sunset, shooing a gnat away from his face as he leaned his hip against the car. He crossed one booted foot over the other as he waited patiently for the man to make a decision. While Travis enjoyed making money, Austin knew that the bastard was above stealing it from little old ladies. With a small huff of defeat the middle aged man began walking back in the direction of the lobby, most likely to break the bad news. He stopped just before he opened the door, pointing a quick finger-gun in Austin’s direction. 

“Are you comin’ over to Mark’s cookout tonight? You can bring your girl.” He called out over the loud noise. 

Austin shook his head before flashing the man a little face of distaste. 

“I’ve gotta go to my dad’s house to grab some of my old shit. Besides- I don’t have a girl to bring.” 

Travis shot him “a face” right back, but one of disbelief. “Yeah, right. A girl doesn’t just bring her friend a hand packed lunch every other day unless she was hopin’ for somethin’ to happen between them..” And before Austin could even defend himself the man was gone, sauntering solemnly over to the corner where the elderly woman was sitting. 

You weren’t the one that was hoping for a chance at romance, but Austin was. He’d rather die than admit it, but his co-workers' words lit a small fire in his chest; a hopeful pyre that didn’t dim. 

The wooden stairs were old and weather worn, the nails rusted with age. Austin always felt a sense of dread when he heard the familiar creaking under his feet, and the fact that he could hear the television droning on from inside of the trailer didn’t make it any better. It meant that he was home, and the blonde knew what that meant. A fight was sure to ensue, and after the shitty day that he had at work, that was the last thing that he wanted to endure. He found that the door was unlocked, per usual. The inhabitant of the rickety death trap didn’t have anything worth stealing. 

“Why are you here?” The middle aged man looked terrible for his age, though Austin blamed that on the endless supply of alcohol and drugs that ran through the man’s system. 

Austin cleared his throat, closing the door behind him with a grimace. He didn’t want to be here, but there were still a few boxes back in his old room that he needed to grab. After that he’d be gone for good, or at least that’s what he told himself anyway. His no-good father was used to relying on other people to save the day, one of those people being his own son. 

He blamed his strong sense of duties on the fact that he was raised in the deep south. “Being a man” was hammered into his skull from the moment of his very conception. Taking care of your family, especially when they are unable to do it for themselves, was considered a must. Austin had always hated his father. In fact, he couldn’t remember a single time in his life when he had felt gratitude or love in any magnitude towards his father. Still, he was a man and needed to provide for his family. . . right? He didn’t want anyone to think less of him for abandoning his father. More than anything, he didn’t want the wrong kind of gossip ending up in the wrong people’s ears.

What was important to him now was getting the hell away from his abusive father. He was old enough to start thinking about what he wanted for himself in the future. He’d always craved companionship with a certain person. . . children were on his radar too. The last thing he wanted was for his druggie father to be in his own kid’s lives. 

The lanky man didn’t fit in the small home anymore, and he hadn’t for years. Both physically and emotionally, he had outgrown his prison many moons ago. He took a few seconds to look around the living room. Now that he wasn’t there to clean up after the grotesque man, the house smelled absolutely putrid. Austin’s nose wrinkled in disgust, eyes dancing along the empty beer cans and overflowing sink. 

“Jus’ gettin’ the last of my stuff.” Austin grumbled, his bulky black boots sticking to the dirty linoleum floors as he tried his best to breeze past the older man’s old recliner. 

A hand reached out, gripping at his wrist to stop him. Austin looked down, the muscles in his sharp jaw clicking as he held back the urge to rip himself out of the man’s reach. He knew that he was too big for the man to intimidate now, but his body still remembered the pain his father had put him through as a kid. 

“Ya talkin’ bout that toolbox?” The man’s voice was gravely, all thanks to the menthols he religiously smoked. Austin could smell the Miller Light and smoke coming off of him now. It was nauseating. 

The blonde ripped his eyes off of the man’s face, peeking off down the hall to see his old bedroom door wide open. He had locked it from the inside and crawled out the window the last time that he was here, taking the spare key with him. It was still tucked away safely in his wallet. His breathing stuttered when he realized that the doorknob had been taken off completely. 

“I need it for work. What did you do with it?” Austin tried to school the deep southern accent out of his voice. He got into the habit of doing that around his father from a young age, desperately wanting to seem as different from the old man as possible. 

“If that’s what yer here for, don’ bother. I sold it.” The young adult’s heart sank to his ass, and this time he didn’t hesitate in ripping his wrist out of the man’s hand. 

“To who? Where is it?” Austin questioned heatedly, staring daggers into the old man’s face. 

The sandy haired man was staring back at the television now, watching old reruns of some shitty old Western movie that must have come out in the sixties. He didn’t answer Austin, too drunk to care and too high to listen. 

“Dad!” Austin’s deep voice boomed, echoing around the filthy trailer. “Where the fuck did you take it? The pawn shop off’a Assembly Street?” That was where his father often sold stolen shit for a few extra bucks. 

That got the other man’s attention. He didn’t take kindly to being yelled and cursed at, especially not by his son. He could always deal it out, but refused to take it. Ray Butler had stopped beating on his son during his Junior year in highschool though, realizing that the boy was now bigger than him. Out of a cowardly fear for his own safety, he stuck to the emotional abuse instead, which only got worse once he didn’t have a true outlet for his frustrations. Austin bristled as he watched the old man glare up at him, taking a long swig from his beer before answering. 

“I took it to Keith’s. If ya needed it so bad, why the hell didn’t you take it with ya in the first place? It’s in my house, so I can do whatever the fuck I want with it.” It was surprising how coherent the man was, especially since he must have been drinking all day long. 

Austin’s father hadn’t had a job in the last seven years, but still managed to scrape by somehow. He was a petty thief whose criminal record stretched all the way back into his boyhood. He had raised the blonde to be the exact same way, but the only thing Austin had truly adopted from his “teachings” was a shared hatred for cops and a scrappy sort of resourcefulness. The other kids that he was forced to interact with at school were the ones that taught him how to fight. They enjoyed taking turns trying to beat the shit out of the town’s poor kid, but once he finally hit his growth spurt in the summer after sixth grade the roles were largely reversed. Nobody messed with him by the time that he had entered high school. He was feared by his peers and just as hated. 

The negative image that he had created served him well though. Not only had he made a name for himself, he had also gained the ability to protect his best friend, which was the only thing he really cared about. Getting the dog shit knocked out of him was one thing, but seeing boys and girls teasing her was a different story. He remembered storming into the girl’s bathroom during his junior year very vividly, yanking up one of popular blonde’s by the back of her shirt. 

“I’m a Butler, so don’t think that I’m above hittin’ a girl.” 

He’d constantly ask you if the bullying persisted even after that, but you always went out of your way to tell him that they had stopped their teasing. Austin was made fun of because he lived in a trailer that should have been condemned long since they originally moved in and barely had enough money to get school supplies every year, but you were picked on because you were perfect. It didn’t make any sense to him, but girls are strange creatures. You made good grades, was the nicest person he had ever met without even trying, and your natural good looks made matters even worse for you. Getting the mean girls to steer clear of you wasn’t the hard part, but keeping the male pervert’s away was an entirely different story. 

It didn’t help that after a long day of putting up with the constant glares, rumors, and telling boys to back off, he’d be forced to come home to incessant tongue lashings. He barely had time to study after taking care of the forty year old drunkard, hence his rotten grades in school. You could only do his homework for him so many times, but hey- you tried. He graduated because of you, at the very least. 

He had landed a job as a mechanic straight out of high school, having been skilled for his age. Who knew that driving a shitty lemon of a car that he constantly had to fix up would lead to a career? He had gotten lucky, which was a rarity in his life. 

Getting his own place was one hell of an achievement, but his past always found a way to come back and haunt him. 

Austin stormed through the connected kitchen and down the hall, sucking in a deep breath before he entered the room. All of the boxes that he had stacked in the corner had been ransacked and picked clean. It was Austin’s fault for thinking that a simple locked door would keep his father out. The blonde could scream over his stolen Iron Maiden and Dio tapes later, for now he needed to focus on the important thing: his tools. 

“You sold them to your crackhead dealer? For what? A bag, right? That was over a hundred dollars worth’a tools!” He screamed from the backroom, kicking an old wooden chair that had been junking up his old room for ages. The thing went flying, hitting the opposite wall with a resounding cracking noise. 

Austin was covered in car oil, smelled like gasoline and sweat after a long day of work, and all he had wanted was to slip in the trailer undetected and grab his things. He had hoped that his father would have been passed out in his room by now so that he could have been in and out without being forced to converse. Nothing ever seemed to go his way. The blonde reached for the metal baseball bat that he still had stuffed under his childhood bed, knocking it against his boot a few times before storming out of the room, pushing past his father and heading straight for the front door. 

“Austin, wait,” The male knew what was coming. The only time his father ever referred to him by his name was when he wanted something. “Can you give me twenty dollars? I need’a pay the power.” 

The baseball bat felt heavy in his hand. He balanced the weight for a second, his jaw clicking as he imagined just how good it would feel to bring it down on top of the other man’s head. If Ray ended up dead, he was sure that he could blame it on a handful of people who he had stolen from or cheated. Austin didn’t need that on his conscience though. So instead of barking back a reply or even pulling out his wallet, he yanked his hand away with a grunt, storming out the door. 

“Jus’ use the money that you got from sellin’ all’a my shit.” He called out before slamming the door behind him, the small and dingy diamond shaped window vibrating with the force of his anger. 

“Is your mama home? If not then I’m gonna use your shower.” Austin gently pushed his way into the house, kicking off his dirty work boots before bounding up the familiar carpeted stairs. 

You blinked in the entryway, slowly closing the front door before turning around to watch him go, the chain from his wallet jingling with his movement. With a small sigh you locked it behind you, following up after him. 

“Well hello to you too.” You teased, watching him open up the linen closet so that he could grab a towel. He was caked with grease, his sun kissed cheeks speckled with black and gray. His black work shirt fit snugly on his form, having shrunk in the wash. At his hip, swinging around with every step that he took, was his black handkerchief. It was also wrecked with engine grease, having been used to clean his hands one too many times that day. He looked devilishly handsome, but he always did. Nothing new. 

“Sorry. Really bad day. Just got back from Keith’s place- he had some of the shit that I left at my dad’s.” He left the bathroom door open as he slipped off his socks, then hurriedly took his shirt off and threw that into the dirty clothes hamper. His small apartment didn’t have a washer and dryer hookup, so he had been doing his laundry at your place for the last two months. 

You didn’t mind, and your mother and father hadn’t noticed either. You sucked at your teeth, turning around to give him privacy. You heard the shower turn on, then the familiar clanking of his chain wallet hitting the side of the sink. Once you heard the shower curtain open and close you turned around, seeing the room empty, his dirty clothes piled neatly in the hamper. You closed the bathroom door behind you as you stepped inside, jumping up on the counter so that you could swing your legs back and forth as you spoke. He seemed frustrated, and you could tell that he needed to talk about it. 

Growing up in a tragically tiny town meant that everybody was always in each other’s business. From preschool to your senior year in high school, every moment was spent with the same exact children. You could count the newer families to move into the small community over the last five years on one hand. Life was slow moving in the old south, and things were horrifically monotonous. You and the blonde had been stuck together like glue ever since primary school, and you didn’t see it changing in the future. 

To say that you knew Austin like the back of your hand was an understatement. Every flaw, quirk and triumph had either been discovered by you, with you at his side, or involved you in some way. In a town filled with mostly elderly folks, kids often found a group of likeminded people and stuck with them for the entirety of their lives. It was horribly predictable of the two of you, yet here you two were, connected at the hip. The bond between you and Austin went above just being best friends. It was something tied to your soul. It wasn’t just hard to imagine a life without him in it, rather it was impossible. 

He didn’t have to tell you that he was angry for you to know that he was beyond aggravated. The restlessness was plain to see. Whether he would be upfront and tell you about the reason or not, you could tell that he needed someone to just sit and listen. Austin wasn’t the kind of person to talk in depth about the things that really upset him. He was more of the “suffer in silence until I inevitably blow up” type. You, on the other hand, weren’t afraid to whine and cry to him about even the slightest of inconveniences. The two of you were polar opposites, and yet it just worked. 

“Keith let you in the house?” You asked incredulously, raising an eyebrow as you watched the steam beginning to curl up and over the curtain. 

Austin let out a humorless laugh, and you could imagine him shaking his head back and forth. You smiled despite the situation, bringing your hand up to your mouth so that you could bite down on your thumb nail. You instantly regretted it, pulling away to see that you had already chipped your freshly painted fingers. 

“A’course he didn’t. I broke into the fucker’s place. Got my tool box back, but the damn thing had been ransacked already. The bones picked clean. I’m out over fifty dollars in tools- checked it once I got back into the car.” 

“Jesus- did he see you? That guy is absolutely insane.” Thankfully, you’d only met the man in passing a handful of times. He was the crazy townee that everybody knew and feared. Keith was the kind of person that you point out to your developing teens to scare them away from drugs and alcohol. “If you don’t want to end up like Ole’ Keith, you better not touch that stuff.” He had a bunch of handmade signs outside of his house with bible scriptures on them, meanwhile the man was dealing meth and coke to make a living. As was the deep south, filled to the brim with religious and moral hypocrisies. 

Either you were a devout Christian or just another local crackhead. Thankfully, you and Austin didn’t fall into either of those categories. You seemed to have made one of your own over the years. 

“He wasn’t home. His truck was gone. The dude left his bedroom window unlocked, so I just ripped the screen off.” 

You used to worry for Austin on a daily basis. The burns and bruises he’d come to school with broke your heart, but no matter how many times you begged your parents to let the blonde come and live with you, they always let you down. You were happy that he finally had somewhere safe to lay his head at night, though he still hadn’t broken the habit of spending most of his down time with you (and you prayed he wouldn’t ever grow out of that habit). As soon as he got off work he was making his way up to your bedroom, often dead tired down to his bones or pissed off. Your parents were gone most of the time anyway though. Your father was a hotshot business man who was away for work most of the time, and your mother insisted on following along with him after the “incident” that happened when you were twelve.

Men who spend most days without their wives and children breathing down their neck usually take advantage of the opportunity. Your father was no different. He was no saint. Then again, neither was your mother. She took most of her frustration out on you after that, and though you knew that her outbursts weren’t a direct cause of anything that you had personally done, that didn’t make it any better. 

Austin was just as much your therapist as you were his. Maybe that was the cause for your codependency. . . either way, neither of you regretted it. It only strengthened the bond, really. 

After Austin was showered and dressed in an outfit that he had left at your house some weeks ago, the two of you found yourselves sprawled out on your bed. You were busy finishing up some homework for one of your classes, and he was reading one of your magazines. He had his head hanging off the side of the mattress, ankles crossed up on one of your pillows. His wet hair was dripping onto your floor. The constant droplets hitting your outdated shag carpet lulled the two of you into a comfortable silence. The two of you didn’t need to talk 

“Where’s a newer one? This one’s a year old.” He suddenly dropped what he was reading onto the floor next to his head, sitting up so that he could face you again. 

You scrunched up your nose, dropping your psychology textbook beside you. 

“That is the newer one.” You told him, to which he scooped it up and off of the floor, turning it over and pointing at the date. 

He was right. It was old. 

It was the June twenty-first issue, the date clear to see on the front: nineteen eighty-four. Bob Dylan was posed on the front in all of his tambourine-man glory. 

“Shit. Sorry, Aus. I thought I handed you the Beatles Anniversary edition.” You started to stand up, but he waved you off. 

“I should probably get going anyway. I have to try to cook myself something. If I don’t eat now then I’ll jus’ go to bed hungry.” 

You had hoped that the two of you could order pizza tonight, but you kept your mouth shut. Lately you found yourself clinging to him a little bit harder than usual. Maybe it was the stress of your sophomore year in college, but you couldn’t be certain. You tried to school the disappointment off of your face as you nodded, standing up to walk him back to the front door. 

“Are we still driving down to see Dave’s show? His band sucks, but he’ll be disappointed if we miss it.” He asked you at the front door, shoving his sock clad feet into his work boots and tying them up haphazardly. 

You slapped your forehead with the palm of your hand, eyes wide. You’d completely forgotten about your friend’s show tomorrow. You’d planned to stay after class and study in the library, but you didn’t mind cramming for next week's test. Austin laughed, the sound causing you to smile to yourself. His laugh was deep, rich and completely contagious. He reached out, his large hand wrapping around your wrist to pull your hand away from your face. 

“You forgot, didn’t you?” He leaned down so that he was at your height, his smile practically blinding. 

You sucked in a breath, but nodded your head anyway. It was hard not to notice his beauty in moments like this. He’d always been handsome, but lately you’d been looking a little too closely at that. A sick twinge of guilt soured your stomach, a feeling of what could only be categorized as “betrayal” causing your face to flush. He was your best friend, and if he knew that you were looking at him like that he would probably be disgusted with you. Hell, you were horrified by your own thoughts recently. You tried to blame the odd feelings on your long-standing lack of romance, but you were starting to believe that was just an excuse.

“I completely forgot.” And you felt bad about it. You’d been so busy with your school work, the recent fight that you had with your mother and. . . well. . . Austin. You cleared your throat softly, kicking at an imaginary pebble on the tiled floor to try and distract yourself. 

Austin seemed to notice the change in attitude and put his hand on the top of your head, ruffling your hair in the way that he knew you despised. He chuckled when you slapped his hand away, instead moving his hand to the base of your neck so that he could pull your much smaller form against his in a tight hug. He’d always been lean and tall, but his physically demanding job had caused his muscles to fill out. He felt warm and strong, smelling of your shampoo. 

“I’ll drive us tomorrow, alright? Maybe you can get some studying done in the car.” And with that he removed his arms from around you. 

You felt the loss of his warmth like a slap in the face. You let him go though, watching as he bounded down the steps towards his van, his keys jingling in his hand with the movement. He was in higher spirits after spending a few hours in your presence. He felt lighter, like some of the crushing weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. You leaned against the doorframe, peeking your head out just to watch him. 

“I love you! Drive home safe, alright?” You called out. 

Austin couldn’t fight off the blush that raised to his ears, but he turned around and quickly returned the sentiment. You had told him that you loved him every day, but his heart still pounded like it had the very first time. Only these days he wished that you really meant it. 

That you loved him the same way that he loved you. 

[sailorblossoms-rankane]

(Posting my threads on tumblr so I can talk to fellow Akane/Rankane enjoyers, part 3) (manga exclusive, I haven't seen the 80s anime)

One of the first things we learn about Akane is that she’s both violent and sweet. Both are true, and much can be said about her hair journey.

Akane’s violent side is immediately obvious while her sweet side is more apparent along the journey. She’s trusting and caring, even with people who have done nothing but wrong her (a mf will try to kill her and she’ll still be like “I feel sorry for them/I want to help them”)

Her sweet side is also introduced when she meets Ranma. She sees someone uncomfortable in an uncertain/awkward situation, and she’s the first to reach out and be welcoming.

Akane’s haircut is violent, brutal, and shocking. As shocking as Ranma entering her world. It happens during the first real fight Ranma has on page, and it's likely no coincidence. Something is off with long-haired Akane... with the cut, she enters Ranma’s world as her true self.

Akane’s long hair is tied to Akane trying to be like Kasumi: modest, calm, quiet. It’s Akane trying to be someone she’s not, because she wants to feel loved and wanted. If she likes a boy, she wants to be liked back (as opposed to disliked because she’s too "boyish")

When Akane crushes on the doc, that’s a girl used to being bothered and harassed by boys (boys who think “I can beat her into dating me”) fixating on a safe male figure because he makes her feel secure and cared for (literally treating her wounds)

(To contrast: Ranma being stronger isn’t “she must submit to me,” which is what was associated with a boy beating her... it's usually “I’m stronger so I want to look out for her/help her/protect her” and that part makes her feel secure and cared for)

Akane “changing herself” isn’t really about getting the doc to like her, but about Akane feeling judged and inadequate as her true "tomboy self," because even if she cuts her hair short she still likes being feminine… and she’s constantly told she’s not.

Just look at how she dresses. Other female characters might often wear pants (outside of the school uniform, Nabiki usually wears jeans and shorts for example) but Akane is rarely not wearing a cute little skirt or a dress. Calling her uncute pokes at a sore spot.

Changing herself doesn’t give her what she wants, it just reaffirms her insecurity (if you have to stop being yourself to feel accepted, are you really accepted?). When the doc says "short hair always did suit you better," it doesn’t make her happy because she doesn’t actually want him.

Part of why he’s safe is because he knows her just as she is and still never judges when others do. “Short hair always did suit you better" is also “you didn’t need to change yourself to be accepted, you were always fine just as you are.”

This is part of why she cries so hard and why afterward she’s immediately over him… she mourns what she felt and believed (and perhaps the effort it took, growing out a pixie is not for the weak lol) and is ready to turn the page. But the insecurity that sparked it all remains.

That Ranma preferring her short hair makes her smile is an early sign that he stirs something in her. It also says something important: he can tease and insult her all he wants, but he likes Akane just as she is

And that includes her violence. her anger and her fire. When Akane is upset and tries a cooler approach, Ranma won’t let her. he prefers Akane sending his ass flying than her ignoring him 100%

I think Ranma also likes Akane’s "specific brand" of violence, because everyone and their mom is violent here (including Nabiki… psychological violence if you will lol) and outside of challenges/battles he only seeks hers by teasing her, knowing how she’s going to react.

(everyone is a martial artist/violent but I think part of why Akane is clocked as more tomboy-ish is attitude. All the girls will use “their feminine charms,” even Ranma, but Akane will grab a fucker by the shirt, look at them in the eye and jut out her chin, and that's "masculine")

Akane wants to feel normal, she wants to be liked by the one she likes. she associates “you’re not normal” as a negative thing, as “you will be disliked”... even if Ranma means it as “Akane is tougher than a regular girl” (positive) that's not what she hears.

Kasumi means no harm, she knows Akane well and wants to look out for her. but that gives her words more impact, and Akane looks up to her as the ideal of femininity (she also only wears skirts and dresses) (Akane has likely heard this shit a lot too, she was cast as Romeo, etc)

Ranma knows he can be a jerk, but he genuinely doesn’t realize he's saying insensitive shit just when Akane is at her most sensitive... when she snaps, that’s her armor coming up to protect her heart (just like being a jerk can be armor for Ranma)

So Ranma hurts Akane's feelings without realizing (being a jerk is armor because his feelings are too big, too much for him, and he’s not ready to deal with them) but takes Akane's angry response as her hurting his feelings.

This causes the following pattern: Ranma “lifts Akane up,” telling her exactly what she needs to hear from him, soothing her insecurities… and then completely lets her down/disappoints her by telling her exactly what she doesn’t need to hear.

Look at Akane’s face. she could’ve accepted Ranma's apology and moved on. Instead, she’s vulnerable and ready to admit fault too... she’s touched by the idea of Ranma wanting to make up because he wants to be with her (but then he downplays it lol a word-class fumbler fr)

And... he doesn't realize he’s doing this! he doesn’t want to hurt her. whenever he realizes he hurt her he always wants to fix it, even if he doesn’t fully get what he did wrong or why Akane is mad and/or how to make it better.

But “lifting Akane up and then kicking her down” is the type of shit that makes Akane feel like she needs to protect her heart. In a way, Ranma’s armor (jerk) makes Akane’s come up and vice-versa, so neither can give in. It's part of why admitting feelings is very difficult

There’s also Ranma throwing easy “I love you’s” when he thinks it's a challenge with people he has no feelings for, but completely combusts when he realizes he said to the person he’s in love with. It’s too much for him and he’s not ready to admit it, so “he takes it back”

On Akane's side, she isn't unaffected by hearing the boy she loves confess and then "take it back"... even if she can be perceptive and understands Ranma’s shenanigans this sparks more insecurity (and then jealousy)

This contributes to Akane being quick to get angry & misunderstand certain situations, as she’s expecting Ranma to “let her down”/ has no confidence that he doesn’t want anyone else (besides Ranma being in “impossible not to misunderstand situations, for the bit”)

Akane being perceptive but her insecurities getting to her: she knows Ranma. She’s correct in her assessment that he fucked up and is hiding it. But doesn’t clock his deflection because damn, what if he actually wants someone else, what if they have something she doesn’t

But Akane always goes back to believing in him. Because even if he disappoints her, she understands that he's just not thinking, it's his ego, he doesn't mean it, the situation is too much for him to handle etc. And he never stops trying to make sure they’re on good terms.

Also, Ranma makes her feel safe and protected. She likes that he’s strong and never gives up. She knows she can count on him when it matters most (which is why she’s also his ride or die, goes both ways). It’s part of why when she’s jealous, she imagines Ranma protecting Nabiki.

It’s not something she thinks about consciously, but being the one Ranma wants to protect above everyone and all else is part of how Ranma shows his feelings for her, and on some level, she can tell… one of the first moments ranma makes her heart speed up is this

She likes that Ranma protects her and that she can count on him, but she never wants to be a burden or the reason he has to sacrifice something. just like how Ranma wants to protect her above all else, no one goes as far as she does for his sake (see also: the final arc)

Adding on the crush on the doc: just like this scene, it's likely that whenever Akane went to see him, her wounds weren't just physical. "I hate boys" is not something she means as she never treats anyone with hatred, but it's coming from a place of frustration/exhaustion.

Each daily challenge would be annoying by itself, but the repetitiveness of it all would wear her down. Note how she never goes "I hate boys" again after it stops. It's only just "I hate Ranma, specifically" because he hurt her... but she doesn't mean that either

Ranma's presence puts an end to those challenges, so he brings her peace in that sense. His world comes with craziness and dangers, but unlike the school challenges, this is something Akane chooses to face because she wants to support him.

Fighting annoying boys because you don't want to date them and fighting to support a loved one are completely different things. The former wears Akane down, while she's passionate about the latter. Just like how she counts on Ranma to protect her, she always wants to have his back.

[fixyourwritinghabits]

Any tips on writing for people with ADHD and a short attention span?

Hello! As someone who was recently diagnosed/had to go through the process of jumping through hoops to get meds, I've been trying to put together some new writing routines to get back on track. It has... been a process. Here are some things I've learned (from my personal experience, your mileage may vary):

Writing everyday doesn't work. I think this really common advice has been debunked overall, but let me tell you, there are days when the energy bar starts on empty and stays there. I can function, but the creative juices aren't there. Trying to stay creative by other means, either by reading or working on another hobby, can be a way for you to keep your day productive instead.

Hard schedules don't work. To reflect the above, I can get up at 5am every damn day, but only some of these days will get work done before work. That isn't to say you shouldn't try to make a schedule and stick to it - you'll definitely get more done that way. But it isn't always going to work, and you shouldn't beat yourself up if you can't keep to it every day.

Being 'plugged-in' definitely doesn't work. The 'oh I need to look up how to spell this oh no I'm twelve pages into a Google hole' is definitely still a trap. To keep focused, keep that instant internet away from you. Need to look up something, slap a note on it and come back when you know you don't need to write another 1000 words.

Medication/caffeine/whatever you use to function can only do so much. I can drink a cup of coffee and immediately slam myself into bed. My meds exist to get me through the work day, which is what I need them to do, but won't always be able to keep me through the extra work day. Trying to stay awake and focused when my brain is fucking done for the day just doesn't work. Instead, I have to focus on what does - writing in the morning or at noon, making time when I know I can still function rather than trying to take it on at the end of the day when I know I'll be spent.

What has been working and I've been trying to incorporate more has been:

Drafting on paper. This has always worked for me, and it continues to work for me. Physically writing the words down and editing as I type them does slow down the work, but it makes much more sense to my brain.

Using color codes/other visual tools. Color-coding characters, using different colored pens for types of notes, and flashcards help me flesh out plots. It makes plotting more like an art project, but that in itself can help me be more creative. If you like working on a computer and not by hand, you can spice up Excel sheets and Google docs with different fonts, templates, and adding notes.

Lists, lists, and more lists. I have a planner for work, I have a planner for my personal life, and I have a notepad where I write down all my daily goals, however small. Using a combination of the three has been working great for keeping me on track. For me, physically crossing things out and checking things off is a great motivator.

Alarms and writing sprints. Slap a timer to a screen and write to it. Use an online writing sprint, hop into a work-focused Twitch stream, or use a timed YouTube video to put yourself in a focused environment with a goal in mind.

Relocate. There are certain areas of my apartment that I've dubbed 'The Ooze Zone' where all I can do when I'm there is get nothing done. Unfortunately, because my apartment is quite small, the Ooze Zone takes up most of it. So if you can't set up an office space or a designated area where your brain knows to get work done, consider checking out your local library, a relatively peaceful park, a friend's house, or a cheap coffee shop. I know somewhere who would just drive somewhere and do 80% of his writing in his car. If you can't do your work from home because your brain won't let you, look into alternatives.

If you have meds, take them. Getting medicated and on the right dose is hard, believe me. I've been trying to get back the swing of things after a. being checked out from not being medicated and b. being checked out from not having the right dosage/type of meds. It is a process, but if you have the ability to seek a diagnoses and treatment, it is worth pursuing. If you have meds, take them on a regular schedule and how your doctor recommends. Add an alarm on your phone to remind yourself. Make it part of your routine. Doing it haphazardly is only doing yourself a disfavor.

And lastly, Get More Sleep. The number one thing that may be fucking you over is not sleeping enough. Having ADHD is directly tied with having more sleeping problems in both children and adults. If you have this problem, it is affecting you way more than you know.

Here's the thing - I thought I had a great sleeping schedule for the longest time, and could not figure out why I was so exhausted half the time. But I recently got a fitness tracker, which informed me that actually, my sleeping patterns were complete dogshit. I may have been in bed for eight hours, but I spent three of them tossing and turning.

Make a sleep schedule and stick to it. Go to bed at the same time of night. Consider getting a sleep tracker to see where your sleep patterns are messed up and what you can change to fix it. This sucks, believe me, but going to bed at 9pm to account for that time you'll spent tossing about before you get up at 6am may be the only way to recover those missing sleep hours. Even if it feels like it's taking away from your free time, you will function better overall.

[gazkamurocho]

More 80s Goromi for your needs ❤ 🔞 Full and uncensored art on POIPIKU 💙 Art on Twitter

And speaking of 80s Goromi... I'm gonna use this post to let you guys know that I'm making a doujinshi about her and Kiryu (yeees one of the many planned doujinshi is finally going to come out lkjdshfjklshfsd ;;)!

I already got 6 pages of drawings and 3 pages of script on Google Docs ready! I'm so happy that the writing is flowing so smoothly 😭💕

I guess the reason that my brain got excited and decided to make this one before all the other doujinshi is because Y0 Majima is a sad blob and tragic character and I want to make him discovering and freeing himself through Goromi (both metaphorically and literally, because he's a prisoner in Sotenbori). And I also want to make him having hope for the future through Kiryu too :D So just by that you can already tell that this doujinshi will have angst, fluff and smut - the complete package! Can't wait to show you guys more 💕

[hamishsteele]

Dead End: Paranormal Park | How to draw Barney

Barney was the most important character to get right. My chief concern was actually his weight. I had seen a lot of rigged shows which only used very skinny, noodle-limbed models. I wanted to make sure he could be chunky and dynamic. And I think we got it right!

Contained here are our animation director JuanPe Arroyo’s fantastic character note sheets. These were given to all the animators and are only part of an 80-page mega doc. I’ll be posting more characters in the coming weeks. 

[cantsayidont]

August 1984. This won't change anyone's feelings about cult movie perennial THE ADVENTURES OF BUCKAROO BANZAI: ACROSS THE EIGHTH DIMENSION one way or the other, but if you're wondering what the hell the deal is supposed to be with Buckaroo Banzai and his team, the answer is, "It's an obvious pastiche of the pulp hero Doc Savage."

Launched in 1933, Doc Savage was one of the leading adventure heroes of the pulp magazines. Doc (whose full name was Clark Savage Jr.) was scientifically trained from childhood to the peak of human perfection, singularly adept in everything from mechanical engineering to medicine to martial arts. He had a secret headquarters called the Fortress of Solitude and a whole array of specially designed vehicles and equipment, but he was also a public figure, with offices in the Empire State Building. Doc had a team of eccentric, highly specialized aides — Monk Mayfair, Ham Brooks, Renny Renwick, Long Tom Roberts, and Johnny Littlejohn — who each had a particular skill and a couple of distinctive personality traits (for instance, Monk was a skilled industrial chemist, but also an "ape-like" brute with a ferocious temper). They were sometimes aided by Doc's cousin, Pat Savage, who was almost as capable as Doc, although he tried to keep her out of the fray because she was (gasp) a girl.

This was a fairly common pattern for pulp heroes. For instance, the pulp version of the Shadow (who was distinctly different from the radio incarnation) relied on a whole network of agents, some appearing only once or twice, some recurring across many of his published adventures. From a narrative standpoint, the agents and assistants had two principal purposes: The first was to offset the rather overpowered heroes — pulp heroes didn't necessarily have superhuman powers, but even those who didn't tended to be preternaturally skilled at nearly everything, so it was convenient to limit their direct involvement in an adventure to crucial moments, and let the assistants (who could be much more fallible) do much of the legwork. The second object was to beef up the characterization. Doc Savage was morally irreproachable as well as absurdly multi-talented, so there wasn't a lot to be done with him character-wise, while maintaining the mystique of a character like the Shadow required him to remain a fairly closed book.

Although the pulp heroes were a huge influence on early comic book superheroes like Superman and Batman, some of these conventions didn't translate well to other media: In a 13-page comic book story or half-hour radio episode, having too many characters was cumbersome (and expensive, where it meant hiring extra actors), and comic book readers normally expected to follow their four-color heroes quite closely, even before the breathless internal monologue became a genre staple. So, Superman inherited Doc Savage's Fortress of Solitude, but not his "Fabulous Five" assistants, while heroes like Batman and Captain America generally stuck with a single sidekick rather than a team of aides. Even the late Doc Savage pulp adventures (which ended in 1949) de-emphasized the assistants to keep the focus more on Doc himself. Ultimately, the pulp heroes didn't really have the right narrative center of gravity for visual media, which is why they've become relatively obscure, despite repeated revival attempts. The 1975 Doc Savage movie with Ron Ely, for instance, was a notorious commercial flop, and elements like Doc's childishly bickering assistants seemed odd and dated, even taking into account the film's nostalgia-bait '30s period setting.

What BUCKAROO BANZAI tried to do was to bring that old pulp hero formula into the modern era with a big infusion of '80s style and humor. Like Doc Savage, Buckaroo is a wildly gifted polymath (in the opening scenes, he rushes from performing brain surgery to test-driving his Jet Car through a mountain), so famous and important a personage that he puts the president of the United States on hold, and he surrounds himself with an array of brilliant, eccentric aides with silly nicknames who play in his rock band when they're not fighting crime or doing advanced scientific experiments.

Alas, judging by the poor box office returns, general audiences were no more amenable to the '80s version of this formula than they had been to DOC SAVAGE: MAN OF BRONZE nine years earlier, even with the 1984 film's extraordinary cast and memorably witty dialogue. Granted, even many of the movie's most diehard fans are baffled by the convoluted plot — a crucial expository scene where the leader of the Black Lectroids (Rosalind Cash) explains much of what's going on is nigh-incomprehensible without subtitles or closed captioning — but beyond that, THE ADVENTURES OF BUCKAROO BANZAI is essentially an extended riff on a particular slice of pop culture that had long since dropped out of the public consciousness, which is both part of its charm and also its commercial undoing, at least as mainstream entertainment.

(Also, if you're wondering, yes, the TOM STRONG series by Alan Moore and Chris Sprouse is also an obvious Doc Savage pastiche, although at least some of its plot and character concepts were probably retoolings of unused ideas from Moore's earlier Maximum Press/Awesome Comics SUPREME series, which was an extended pastiche of the pre-Crisis Superman.)

[squarebracket-trickster]

Writeblr Intro

Hi everyone! I'm starting a new blog to chronicle my thoughts as I work on my current WIP. I've been on tumblr for a while but this particular blog is brand-spanking new. I'm really just doing this for me but I wouldn't mind making some writeblr friends to gush about our wips together. So without further ado...

My name is Kate (she/her) and I mostly write fantasy with the occasional sci-fi project on the side. I love epic high fantasy (in the vein of LotR or Wheel of Time) and YA fantasy romances equally.

Funny enough, my current project is none of those things. I thought I was writing a YA fantasy for the longest time but once I finished writing my first draft I realized I hadn't included a single fantastical element.

It's more like a YA twist on a Shakespeare comedy than anything else -- if I had to pick a genre. Something like Twelfth Night, Cymbeline, or As You Like It. It's got a young women running from an arranged marriage, a b-plot to prevent a war, forbidden love, mistaken identity hijinks, a forest setting, bandits, a fairy-tale High Medieval backdrop, and it wouldn't be truly like a Shakespeare comedy without cross-dressing and queer characters.

I have several other wips on the go but this is the one I am furthest along on. As of yesterday I was 10% of the way through my second draft!!

I won't be posting full chapters of the wip because I am hoping to query it one of these centuries... but I will definitely be posting about the process (the good, the funny, and the tufts of ripped out hair) and sharing my favourite lines.

I write each draft in one giant MS Word doc. My first draft for this wip clocked in at 112 572 words (163 pages in 11pt Times New Roman) but I am trying to cut it down to around 80 000 for the second draft -- a feat, seeing as I am a chronic over-writer.

I would love to chat with fellow writers, particularly anyone writing in a similar genre but sci-fi, fantasy, YA romance writers and anyone really --writer or not -- is welcome if you are interested in watching someone else go through the revision process of writing a novel, or if the concept itself intrigues you. I am also happy to answer questions about first drafts and writing in general.

I'm not as well-versed in Shakepeare as I pretend to be so any avid fans of his comedies who want to talk about them are most welcome too!!

[subwaytostardew]

▽ Subway to Stardew - Emmet 8-Heart Event ▽

This plays after getting at least 8 hearts with Emmet and entering the Railroad between 9AM - 4PM on a Thursday after viewing his 7 heart event.

You recieve this letter when you reach 8 hearts with Emmet!

Commentary and progress under the readmore.

▷ Station Steward Thylak

I DID NOT REALIZE THAT THIS EVENT WOULD BE THAT LONG... I could have sworn it was around 14 minutes max! I was worried that the battle stuff went by too quickly! It's almost 30 minutes long! And that's with me clicking away faster! Emmet really meant it when he said he wanted to spend all the livelong day together...

I thought it was going to be roughly 18 minutes. NOPE. WOOPS. This what happens when you write possibly too much.

We are bad at making short events. Vanilla events are around 1-3 minutes long. A day in Stardew lasts 14 minutes and 10 seconds. I would not recommend trying to play this mod spoiler free on multiplayer because time does not freeze and you will die if you don't skip the events. I wouldn't want to shorten the events either... Cutting down their infodumps would just be wrong.

We had a few requests to have a battle event which made me 😅 because I personally couldn't imagine that going well (truth over ideals...). This event was partially made to shut that idea down. The whole tunnel scene is mostly me trying to write an in-story reason as to why there won't be a battle with the farmer against Ingo... Emmet is competitive! This is not just limited to battles but extends to being your best friend! Behind the scenes... I'm just too tired to write out more battles. I actually really dislike single battle format. I'm not making an Ingo battle event. You already have three games to battle him in. I refuse to make more battle events for the time being.

I say that but there's another half-finished double battle event between submas that I switched tracks from to work on Emmet's 8 heart event... I'll finish that eventually.

Anyways... the creation process did not go by quickly at all either. I sure do have a lot to say on that matter. I do all my coding in google docs (terrible, I know) and so far we have had to make 3 seperate documents becuase things start to break at around 40 pages. The document before Emmet's 8 heart event made it to 64 pages before I abandoned it for a new document.

The longest document we have is around 80 pages along. Which usually contain the draft scripts of multiple events. code documents however take up a lot more since it's basically a giant wall of text. So when Emmet's 8 heart event started to slow down the current code document (the third iteration). We had to give the event its own space.

Emmet's 8 heart event ended up being 36 pages long alone! Also if you didn't know, Stardew's event format doesn't allow for line breaks so I have been staring at a 36 page wall of text for weeks. I plan to upload a video compiling all the different options later because I feel like all of the "good" options for battle... don't quite make sense in the context of the rest of the story. The farmer is supposed to not be good at battle and lose because they got overwhelmed with information. As the one writing out all the battle options though, I can't bring myself to act like I'm bad at battling. The winning options are extra silly just to justify a loss and because I couldn't bring myself to lie about Wild Charge not being a guaranteed OHKO on Archeops either. Especially since Emmet brings out damage calculations in a few of the options.

On that topic, all of the battle options play out accurately in a real double battle! I tested. Every. Single. Path. In Pokemon Showdown between the halves of Emmet's team.

I had nightmares of reliving this same battle over and over because that's all I did when I was awake. Make it stopppppp 😭

The lines about them practicing were references to me actually simulating everything in Showdown! Emmet's frustration is also based on how making this event took over my brain so now I struggle to comprehend how someone who doesn't know what to do in this battle would feel... Thank you Kade for helping me with that part ^^;;;

Your welcome =3

I actually enjoyed the Pokémon Showdown part - when it comes to Pokémon Battles, I have dabbled a little bit into the competitive side of things. Or at least the massive game of 4D Chess... trying to predict your opponent etc. Bait them into making a mistake, etc. There was a good time where we did nothing but Pokémon Battles for a night. And it was fun.

I am in no way good at competitive side of things - (I lose lot but that's okay.) especially in the double battle format. Single Battles I could do. (Though once again, I'm average at best) However I think the most memorable battle I ever had was back in Pokémon X and Y, where I managed to chip away and stall a Mega Aggron with a Umbreon.. And I think Umbreon was my last Pokémon but I kept using Moonlight to keep my health up. My kid self was super surprised and ecstatic that I beaten the odds... but whenever I do Pokémon Showdown I'm either testing battle stuff or making teams. I'm addicted to team compositions and doing a combination of different Pokémon even if it's not the competitive Meta....

I have the choices sorted into good/bad routes in my mind so in most of the routes, Emmet criticizes the player's decisions based on type advantage, STAB, and target. I was torn between the best and worst options for this recording but thanks to Kade's input, you get to see Durant ramming into Emmet instead of him getting mad at you for conducting Shadow Claw on Galvantula.

Battling Emmet as a first time trainer is not going to go well! Not only is he too competitive and he refuses to let you win (unlike Ingo), he pretty much sets you up for failiure. I'm sorry Emmet but Galvantula's stats are not intended for making her a physical attacker (emphasis on the Egg Move at what cost...).

Not to mention... Emmet is a Battle Facility Head. And you don't get to battle the Subway Bosses in the mainline games unless you have a somewhat decent team halfway through the game. Even still! They can both wipe the floor with you if you're not aware that they are using battle items...

Though I interpret Emmet not going easy on someone as him challenging them to push themselves and exceed expectations. Both Ingo and Emmet as characters encourage others in their own way, Ingo through words and Emmet I believe through his actions. Though he also can say some encouraging things.

Not the most encouraging if you compare their quotes pages... Customer service and communication isn't exactly his forte... But Emmet wants you to do your best and win against him! He likes seeing serious battlers like him! He just won't let you win unless if you push yourself to do your best. You'll have to. He doesn't really have the most beginner-friendly approach...

Considering you the Farmer, have no idea what a Pokémon even is. (You're practically learning everything from Ingo, Emmet, Elesa etc.) The fact you get challenged to a Battle because Emmet wants to share his interests with you - to have you better understand Pokémon.

He just struggles with the fact that, he is essentially challenging someone with no real battle experience and it's a Double Battle at that. Controlling two Pokémon at once?! Think about the effort it takes to command one Pokémon. We all seen the Anime and how trainers struggle to connect with their partners because they're new. They're just starting. They aren't going to be Battle Facility levels of skill.

Not to mention that Emmet is a little deprived in the valley and hasn't really battled any other new passengers in quite some time. At most, he battled Iris once when she came to visit, Ingo (who's Pokemon are optimized for countering/pissing him off), and himself (I had the mental image of him sitting in the field practicing for this event like an old man playing chess against himself in a park). He's a little too far gone to fully understand what a beginner would think in this situation other than mayyyybe it would take a moment to catch them up to speed. (I would know... I swear those option paths rewired my brain...)

After inputting all of their data into Showdown, I had actually forgotten that Galvantula and Durant are Emmet's Doubles Line team while Eelektross and Archeops are the Super Doubles Line team when deciding the matchups. (Been a while since they were in the Battle Subway huh...) Story-wise, I was thinking that Emmet should be with his ace and that he wouldn't really trust anyone else with Archeops since... he has higher support needs (depression bird 💔). Eelektross and Archeops are paired up because of Gastro Acid and Defeatist. I was thinking that Galvantula and Durant are a bit more beginner-friendly; they can take a loss a bit more easilly (a little less so in Galvantula's case... she's a hater). The farmer had already met Durant earlier in the 4-heart event so he'd volunteer to return the favor of fighting for you. Once you win his trust, he's more than happy to help. As for Galvantula... She's testing to see if she can trust her clingy child with you.

I'm excited to dive into the Pokémon NPC stories... Durant and Excadrill especially.

Durant was originally going to have Choice Scarf instead of Quick Claw to help narrow down the options. It was a pain reorganizing my notes and options all over again to lump not only move choices but turn order in mind. My notes were a mess.

Durant and Galvantula are a very luck-based combination so it was ultimately easier to write the different option paths with that in mind since Stardew's event format is verrrrrrrrrrrry linear. All of the options need to merge back into the same event (well... besides the option to refuse his friendship/battle which ends the event in the tunnel). Durant has lowered accuracy while Galvantula has higher critical hit ratios, I could write the battles based on their luck which is great because I wanted to force a loss.

I thought it would be a little too... reductive (it sure would reduce the amount of content >.>) and unrealistic for the player to impress Emmet with a victory on their first battle. Emmet sees this battle as a test on if you can follow his train of thought and be a good match for him because he's a little bit dependent on you for emotional regulation. He kind of expects you as his favorite passenger to have twin telepathy like Ingo since that's his standard operating procedure. You won't. Because you're not Ingo. You're just some weird farmer he got attached to. With the setup of a battle, I wanted this event to develop the farmer and Emmet's relationship to show that they aren't exactly perfect for each other (and Will say things that can be wrongly misinterpreted) but ultimately they will put in the effort to communicate and make things work. They won't have the best communication! But it's there.

While Ingo has a proper library confession, this event doubles as Emmet's "confession" of sorts. Emmet is already pretty openly affectionate by this point and I wanted to make it somewhat ambiguous as to whether or not his attachment to you is romantic or strictly platonic. To him, it doesn't really matter, but he does want you all to himself. He's not fond of sharing!

But... While Emmet's event may be more platonic in intent, you can still reject him. It's a lot harsher than Ingo's because refusing to even let him try to be a better friend for you is pretty harsh in itself. Ingo's is mostly the choice of whether or not you want to send him back to 6 hearts for more dialogue variety (it's really easy to miss dialogue when you try to max out their hearts as soon as possible! We're making lines for every day, season, and heart level.) Rejecting Emmet sends you back to 2 hearts and overrides his daily dialogue for the day with him asking if you're still friends, apologizing, and then getting too upset to say anything more.

Anyways!

From the start, I wanted Emmet to be like Nemona; awkward in their attachment, somewhat intimidating in their obsession/competitiveness, and thinks of the player as their savior from loneliness. He wants to be the best friend you have because you're the best friend he has. It's only fair. Best rival for life, favorite passenger, same thing.

The mountain pass events were actually made because Emmet's original schedule included him waiting around near the bushes there like Nemona stalking the player on their gym journey. NPCs actually can't path there so when he did, he was just deleted from the save!

I also stumbled across a bug back when I made the very first introduction event where a question loops unless if you pick a certain option. I kept that with Emmet forcing you to keep battling with him in mind as a slight reference to how Nemona doesn't let you say no to being her "best rival for life". This question also makes SMAPI hate you!

Gotta love Pokémon's false sense of 'Sure you have a choice. Your choice is always YES.'

There's probably a more fitting flower for Emmet outside of poppies. I just looked up every flower in Stardew (some of them aren't real...) and their meanings in flower language to come to the conclusion of poppies. The meanings in Emmet's event refer to the white poppy in particular. White. Rest. Oblivion. It fits. Good enough. It was a bit difficult to find more on the flower language of poppies in English (particularly the "Oblivion" part) so I resorted to Japanese sites for more information.

In English, the meaning of "Rest" seems to precede every other meaning. Poppies are used in death memorials. Emmet and the farmer did accidentally develop a shared theme of dying (overwork exhaustion, slimes, the mines, etc... Emmet can't get a break. I'm sorry.) but I wasn't sure if Kade was okay with the theme of death being emphasized. With that in mind, I was stunned when I that saw that her first battle map draft included a graveyard. The implication that Emmet picked flowers from a memorial site...

In my mind - the area is an old train stop in between the desert area and the forest/mountains that lead into Pelican Town. Also figured there would be an abandon farm - considering how Pelican Town is struggling it makes sense that potentially other places are not in best of shape either.

The graveyard is possibly dead relatives of whatever family or farmer made their life near the rails. Of course a lot of time has passed... So much so that nature has taken back what was theirs in the first place.

I always make up stories when having a location in mind and this area parallels with the tunnel Ingo takes you through to stargaze around 10 hearts. That area being an abandon coal mining operation.... Coal, Wood, etc. was used to powered steam trains so makes sense for there to be a source for it. I'm not the best when it comes to filling up Tiled Maps with decor - but I at least put down enough for Thylak to come in and make it more fitting for Stardew

The battlefield underwent quite a few revisions, one was having the battle area be more centered, and changing the old warehouse/worker area to be more like a train repair station with a water stop. I wanted it to feel like a place where Emmet goes to keep himself busy when he's told to take a break from working on the station.

Here's the final map! The battle area had to be shrunken down to fit in an event. More grass was added because I kept losing track of Joltik in the dirt. There's more flowers for Emmet to observe the quality of and pick tge best ones as gifts that he's too nervous to give the farmer until they wilt and dry. Poppies by the gravestones, of course!

I also did attempt to make a proper scrapbook sprite for when I eventually have Emmet give you his gift, but I never got around to implementing it properly since... I'm not familliar with adding custom items and its implementation changes in the 1.6 update.

Despite having access to the modding alpha, I've been procrastinating on migrating to 1.6 since HD Portraits isn't supported yet (I know... 1.6 releases in 3 weeks...).

WOO 1.6 WE ARE NO WHERE NEAR READY FOR ALL THE STUFF THAT POSSIBLY GOING TO BREAK. LOL.

Until next time! Thank you for reading!

[warningsine]

Old man yaoi this and old man yaoi that WHERE is my old yuri movies????

God forbid women get older and remain sexual beings.

Regardless of quality, the following films are about middle aged and elderly lesbian/bi/trans women (not all of these revolve around romance btw, many are documentaries):

Silent Pioneers (Short 1985), doc.

Nitrate Kisses (1992), doc.

Forbidden Love (1992), doc.

Last Call at Maud’s (1993), doc.

Not Just Passing Through (1994), doc

Tender Fictions (1996), Barbara Hammer's autobiography.

Murder and murder (1996), middle aged not elderly.

Late Bloomers (1996)

Between Two Women (2000)

Hand on the Pulse (2002), doc.

The Hours (2002)

My Mother Likes Women (2002)

Ruthie and Connie: Every Room in the House (2002), doc

Sunset Story (2003), doc

No Secret Anymore: The Times of Del Martin & Phyllis Lyon (2003), doc.

The Page Turner (2006)

Finn’s Girl (2007)

Ten More Good Years (2007), doc

Black./Womyn. (2008), doc

A Place to Live: The Story of Triangle Square (2008), doc

Hannah Free (2009)

A Horse Is Not a Metaphor (2009), doc

Edie & Thea: A Very Long Engagement (2009), doc

For 80 Days (2010)

The Owls (2010)

Gigola (2010)

Cloudbirst (2011)

Gen Silent (2011), doc

Out Late (2011), doc

Les Invisibles (2012), doc.

Mommy Is Coming (2012)

A Perfect Ending (2012)

Vic + Flo Saw a Bear (2013)

Tru love (2013)

The Passage of Time (2013), doc

Rebel Menopause (2014), doc

Before the Last Curtain Falls (2014), doc

Advanced Style (2014)

Female Masculinity Appreciation Society (2014), doc

Kate Bornstein Is a Queer & Pleasant Danger (2014), doc

Freeheld (2015)

Grandma (2015)

MAJOR! (2015), doc about Miss Major Griffin-Gracy

Stuff (2015)

Black Mirror: San Junipero (2016). Everyone has seen this one, I know.

The Pearl (2016), doc

Etage X (Short 2016)

The Personal Things (short 2016), animation about Miss Major Griffin-Gracy

Marguerite (2017)

Chavela (2017), a doc about Chavela Vargas.

Wild Nights With Emily (2018)

The Favourite (2018)

Happy Ending (2018)

The Heiresses (2018)

Love Letter Rescue Squad (2018), doc

A Great Ride (2018), doc

Obscuro Barroco (2018)

Monica – Loose on a Cruise (2018), doc

Two of Us (2019). A fave of mine. Deeply humanistic and touching.

Time & Again (2019)

Madame (2019), doc

So My Grandma’s a Lesbian! (2019)

Uferfrauen - Lesbian Life and Love in the GDR (2019), doc.

The Archivettes (2019)

A Month of Single Frames (2019)

Forgotten Roads (2020), doc

Naomi Replansky at 100 (2020), doc

T11 Incomplete (2020)

The Aerialist (2020)

Mama Gloria (2020), doc, Gloria Allen's story.

Rebel Dykes (2021), doc.

The Affair (2021)

A Secret Love (2020), doc.

Surviving the Silence (2020), doc.

The Mistress (2020)

Your Mother’s Comfort (2020), doc about Indianara Siqueira.

A Wild Patience Has Taken Me Here (2021), middle aged not elderly.

Genderation (2021), doc.

Nelly & Nadine (2022), doc about two women that fell in love in a concentration camp.

Sweetling (2022), doc.

All the Beauty and the Bloodshed (2022), doc about Nan Goldin.

Nyad (2023)

[kurain-genealogy]

Investigating Glamrock Bonnie, The Mimic, and Why I Think the Mimic Killed Bonnie

The theory that Mimic killed Glamrock Bonnie is one I’ve seen held by a small handful of people since RUIN’s release, but never fully expanded upon or fleshed out. After seeing Twitter argue, once again, over whether or not Monty killed Bonnie, I was inspired to actually make a serious attempt at supporting my theory.

In this, I’ll be using the Tales from the Pizzaplex (TFTPP) books to support my conclusions – specifically the epilogues, GGY, The Mimic, The Storyteller, and brief mentions of others. You can debate the canonicity – and thus, validity – of the books, but they are set in the game’s universe, and at least some of the stories are directly tied to the games (especially in relation to the Mimic). I mainly use the books to construct a rough timeline of events and as supporting evidence so (hopefully) this theory should still be plausible if you ignore all the book evidence (& btw I read all of the books on archive.org, so apologies if any referenced page numbers are off).

This will contain spoilers for book #8’s epilogue!

First, I’ll go over general information regarding Bonnie and his death. Then, I’ll cover why I don’t think it was the other suspects. I’ll end off with why I think that leaves the Mimic responsible.

This is a long one, a lot longer than I expected – nearly 7.5k words, not including this introduction – so it's also available to read on a pageless Google Doc here! It's best viewed on desktop & has more pictures (I had to combine/squeeze some out to fit the tumblr image limit), as well as clearer sections and an outline. I highly recommend reading it there if you're able.

There's a timeline + TL;DR at the end for your convenience :]

& tysm to my friend @clmntne for beta reading this theory for me <3 go look at his art @clementartz ok?

-☆-

If you’re unfamiliar, stories in TFTPP take place over a large time range, ranging from back in the ‘80s to sometime after the events of SB. A handful of stories (including the connected epilogues) take place during the construction of the Pizzaplex or shortly before/after its opening. None of the stories mention Glamrock Bonnie at all, meaning he gets decommissioned very early in the Pizzaplex’s lifetime, likely within the first year or so of operation. To my knowledge, any stories that might take place during GlamBonnie’s lifetime don’t provide any details as to who’s in the main band.

Starting us off with the infamous missing message:

MISSINGSECURITY REPORT - 12:24AM - Bonnie is seen leaving his green room in Rockstar Row heading East towards the atrium. 2:40AM - Bonnie enters the East Arcade. 4:12AM - Bonnie enters Monty Golf.

Something I find extremely interesting about this are the HUGE chunks of time left unspecified, something I feel a lot of people gloss over. In the middle of the night, Bonnie spends a whopping 2 hours and 16 minutes in the atrium – or wherever he is – before entering the arcade. He has to go up to level 3 to get to the east arcade from Rockstar Row (RR), but I don’t think it’d take him one hour per floor to get there. 1 hour and 32 minutes later, he enters Monty Golf. He could be gaming in the arcade for all I care, but what intrigues me the most is the time spent between RR and the arcade. If he was seen entering other specific areas that would’ve been noted in the log, and I imagine if he was being erratic or unusual during that time it would’ve been mentioned, too. Without much to go off of, we really can’t say what was going on or what his reasoning was. With so few security sightings over four hours, to me personally it feels like Bonnie was somehow avoiding the cameras (or was being led by something that was). Another thing to consider is that unlike in SB, the Pizzaplex had multiple human security guards on staff (it’s not until shortly before SB, after Vanessa’s hired, that they’re replaced with STAFF bots). So not only was Bonnie rarely seen on the cams, but he wasn’t caught by a security guard, either.

(shoutout to the person who made these labeled maps of the Pizzaplex, since I don’t own the game myself it really helped me get an idea of the layout)

Prior to Security Breach, the animatronics weren’t normally active during the night. In The Bobbiedots, Part 1, we get this:

Supposedly deactivated by this time of night, Roxy probably wasn’t any kind of threat. But a couple weeks ago, as Abe had been heading to his hidey-hole, he’d gotten a glimpse of Roxy stalking past one of the doorways to the raceway (p. 135).

In the story, this takes place around midnight. It makes sense, too, that the large, power-consuming robots would be deactivated and/or charging while the Pizzaplex is closed. If a security guard saw Bonnie roaming at night, they probably would’ve led him back to his greenroom.

So, Bonnie is up and about while the animatronics should be powered down. This means that:

He is probably the only one who was awake, or at least the only one who left their designated area during the night.

He either woke up on his own with a specific purpose in mind, OR something woke him up.

Now, the crime scene. There is a lot more here to unpack than I expected.

Majority of reference images in this section come from Banden and FusionZGamer.

At the time of Ruin, the only entrances to the room where Bonnie’s body is found are these: A broken piece of wall behind the bowling lane, and a vent high up on the wall.

At the time of SB, the vent was covered with striped wall panels. It probably only became accessible after the earthquake when they fell, or were stripped off during deconstruction.

This entrance is odd; The bricks look deliberately cut or pulled out from both sides, and the inside between the walls is dug through. It’s hard to know when it was first burrowed through, and from what direction – I personally think it was dug from the inside-out, since inside, the hole is high above the ground and level with the boxes, which feels deliberate.

In the room, there’s a bowling ball rail that leads out, the opening to which is boarded up from the inside.

From Fusion’s video, we can see that the rail would lead down the length of the bowling alley through the dingier hall on the right side, visible in the first image. On the left side is the area behind the bowling lanes, presumably where maintenance is done on the machines (more apparent in the second image), and large garage doors on the right that lead to the dingy hallway. 

As seen in the bottom two images, if you go to the fenced off section with the electrical lockers and turn around – hey! We’re in the area behind the ice cream parlor’s stage where they stashed Bonnie’s stuff. From here, we can see the hallway where the ball rail would be and the large doors that lead to it.If this is confusing, I recommend watching Fusion’s video to get a better idea of the layout.

If you wear the VANNI mask in this section, it looks like a headless STAFF bot caught by the arms with cables, and maybe being dragged through the doorway, or something similar? It’s hard to find a good picture of it from other angles since I can’t find a video of someone going out-of-bounds to get a closer look. We get a lot of interesting environmental storytelling in the AR world, but there’s also many seemingly random changes.Could this symbolize or depict something surrounding Bonnie’s death? Maybe it means something, maybe it doesn’t. I just find it interesting.

So, the only entrance to Bonnie’s tomb is through the hallway behind lane maintenance, accessible only by the garage doors. This hall presumably had a rail that spanned the length of the bowling lanes. I imagine this area was used for storage and the likes. The very end of this hall is where we find Bonnie. The entrance to this section is weird – it’s smaller than Cassie and barely bigger than the Caution Bots – but I digress. As for the front entrance from the lanes being walled off, I feel like that’d render those lanes unusable. In fact, there’s no evidence of there being pinsetters for these lanes, so maybe they were gutted in order to wall off the room. Or maybe they just didn’t feel like modeling all that, I dunno. Not really something that matters. What does matter is how this room is closed off in the first place, having been boarded up from the inside, and the thick ass wall someone excavated through. All of it feels very intentional.

The dirt and debris around Bonnie tells me that this room is in fact the crime scene. This is heavily supported by the impact crack on the wall (third image) and the similar cracks on the floor underneath Bonnie in AR (second image). Bonnie and his attacker could have had encounters elsewhere in the Pizzaplex, but this room is where the final showdown occurred.

I’ll try not to include more images than necessary, so if you want some good looks for yourself, Fusion’s video from before does a good job showing off Bonnie’s state, as well as this FazFriends video analyzing the DLC animatronics, and is where the upcoming screenshots come from.

Most prominently, Bonnie has a massive laceration in his chest and is missing the left side of his faceplate, the latter possibly caused by the bowling ball split in three around his head. The biggest gash in his chest runs from his left shoulder diagonally toward the right side of his waist. With the direction his casing peels and how most of the damage is at the top, I’d say it was a downward strike, most likely done with the left hand. He’s covered in dirt and grime, and wires poke out from his innards. 

There’s some green coloration on his torso, leading many to think this could be paint rubbed off from the attacker. Personally, I think it looks more like patina, a green tarnish resulting from aging metal, similar to the floor and metal shrapnel around him. It could also be his base paint color.

His arms are pulled apart at the joints; the legs are pulled apart at the knees, but I can’t tell if they’re pulled from his hips as well (though, the pelvis is definitely ripped from the torso).

As noted in the fourth image, he lays atop these strange black tubes – I can’t help but think of the AR headless STAFF bot from earlier and the cables it was falling onto. Could it be related?

In addition, there’s several random animatronic pieces scattered around, some of which look significantly older than others. For example, at Bonnie’s feet:

There’s a chunk of relatively clean metal akin to the spine inside Bonnie, but also an older, more corroded, grimier piece next to it. I feel this could’ve come from Bonnie’s attacker, but Bonnie also has one of these yucky pieces sticking out of an arm socket, so who knows.

-☆-

Before I talk about the possible attackers, I first want to take a brief intermission to talk about the books, as they establish an important timeline that will be relevant later. I’ll be talking a bit about The Storyteller and The Mimic, and the animatronics’ behaviors before and after the former.

The Storyteller is a story in the 5th TFTPP book about a creative AI software – called The Storyteller (TS), unsurprisingly – that was implemented across the entire Pizzaplex sometime prior to the game’s events. The purpose of TS was to cut down on costs spent in the creative department by using an AI to formulate new stories based on preexisting ones within Fazbear Entertainment (🙄). TS was connected to virtually everything in the Pizzaplex – including VR, AR, and the Glamrock Animatronics – to create more unique and dynamic interactions with guests. So, instead of programming in new AR/VR experiences or animatronic behaviors manually, TS could continuously change how the games/characters acted. Here’s an excerpt on how TS altered the Glamrocks specifically:

Montgomery Gator also exhibited disturbing changes. The alligator featured in Monty’s Gator Golf was the quintessential rockstar. […] Prone to smashing things as part of his extravagant image, Monty was always dramatic, but he had been harmless... at least until The Storyteller started messing with him. Now the alligator was turning into a sulky shadow of his former self. Monty’s rampages became more violent, and in between tantrums, he withdrew into a depressive silence that was actually driving children to tears. All the Pizzaplex’s other main characters began to undergo similar personality shifts. Whatever trait was normal for them began to skew toward the dark side. The shift wasn’t dramatic. None of the animatronics had turned homicidal or anything, but the altered dynamic was noticeable, at least to Edwin. (pp. 95-96).

Edwin’s story is revealed to us in TFTPP #6 in the story The Mimic. Edwin was the original creator of the endo, The Mimic (TM), 30-40 years prior to the creation of the Pizzaplex. He made it to keep his 4-year-old son, David, occupied while he (a single father) worked. It was a learning robot that imitated what it observed, making it a good playmate for his son; David even made TM a white tiger “doll” out of fabric to match his own white tiger plushie. The program that The Mimic ran on was called Mimic1 (hence, where the endo got its name). One day, David tragically dies in a car accident. Edwin enters a depressive fugue for the next two weeks in which he barely remembers anything. When he comes to his senses and sees the still-active Mimic acting like his dead son, in a moment of intense grief and rage, he beats the everloving shit out of TM. When he snaps out of it, he’s filled with regret and leaves.

By this point, Edwin’s company had been bought out by Fazbear Entertainment, so when he just dips and thereby breaches their contract, they send a team of people to the factory to “clean up a mess.” When the team arrives and sees the crumpled remains of TM, armed only with their vague instructions, they conclude that they’re to finish Edwin’s abandoned projects. TM had only an upper body, so the team fixed him up and gave him legs and a voice box.

Now, remember how I said TM learns and imitates behavior it observes? Well TM just starts fucking killing these guys. And “puts them away” in the fridge and closet, like how he’d learned to put food and clothes away with Edwin and David. Fazbear Entertainment sends another team of guys to do the job when the first team doesn’t return, but they too are killed. This time, TM put on various mascot costumes and pursued them in a more “hide and seek” manner.

Okay, now back to The Storyteller. The AI was allowed to decide its own appearance, since the plan was for TS itself to become a Pizzaplex character – so, its hardware was put inside a white tiger bust.

Edwin, vocally against the project, was purposefully kept in the dark about the workings of TS. He snuck into the Pizzaplex on the night of its installation, and the sight of the white tiger triggered a panic attack. Fearing the worst, he later sneaks into TS’s enclosure to confirm his suspicions.

If you hadn’t guessed already, Edwin discovers that The Storyteller is running on the Mimic1 program.

TS was only in the Pizzaplex for three weeks before it was removed. However, even with all its arms broken and cables pulled apart, the Mimic1 program continued running. I believe it’s implied that it remained within the Pizzaplex’s system, even after TS’s hardware was completely removed.

It’s hard to say exactly when in the Pizzaplex’s lifespan this story takes place. Interestingly, there’s mention of a character associated with Bonnie Bowl experiencing malfunctions (p. 109), yet just a few pages later Montgomery Gator is said to have a room in Rockstar Row (p. 111), meaning he’d already replaced Bonnie as bass player.

Tragedies that occurred at the Pizzaplex early in its lifetime – such as in the stories Cleithrophobia, HAPPS, Pressure, and Under Construction – weren’t because of malfunctions, but more so from human error. In the first two, the robots are behaving exactly as they’re programmed to, but end up causing harm due to the circumstances around the story. Pressure happened because some idiot put a springlock suit in the RolePlay area (combined with the protag having bad friends). You could argue that Under Construction is an exception (that something malicious purposefully altered the AR experience), but to that I argue that the AR attraction wasn’t even finished or intended to have someone use it (nor an employee to keep watch), so of course it wouldn’t be functioning properly and end badly.

All of this to say, it could very well be that nothing in the Pizzaplex’s network, including animatronics, were malfunctioning, acting strange, violent, or purposefully malicious, prior to The Storyteller’s – Mimic1’s – integration.

-☆-

Okay. Just keep that information in mind. With that, let me rule out some suspects.

Suspect 1: Vanny

Whether she controlled Monty, STAFF bots, or did it herself, this follows the idea that Vanny/Vanessa had something to do with Bonnie’s disappearance.

Well, based on the established timeline, she couldn’t have. Bonnie was killed within the first year or so of operation, and Vanessa wasn’t working at the Pizzaplex yet. We can already deduce with SB that Vanessa’s security guard position was somewhat recent, but we also have GGY as further proof.

GGY is the story that all but confirms to us that Client 46 (from the Retro CDs) is Gregory. This story connects the GGY character (Greg/Gregory) to the disappearances of three school counselors/therapists. It takes place about 3 years after the Pizzaplex opens, as the first school counselor was hired before its opening, and had been working at the school for three years before disappearing. (& btw, SB takes place around the 5th year. This is deduced by a Faz Life magazine in SB being labeled #19 in a quarterly release, meaning if it started with the opening of the Pizzaplex, it’d be 4.75 years in). This places the Retro CDs around the same time. In Vanessa’s sessions, she’s clearly at her old job – she sits at a desk on the computer and mentions her coworker Luis, who was also mentioned in Special Delivery’s unused emails from Vanessa’s old job.

Could Vanny still have snuck in to do something? Sure, I just don’t think it’s likely. She’s still working on her costume at the time of these sessions (which remember, is a few years after when Bonnie would’ve been decommissioned), and is clearly still very anxious and reluctant to do as Glitchtrap tells her.

Suspect 2: Monty

Okay, here we go. The most obvious piece of evidence for Monty’s innocence is the fact that he wasn’t given his claw upgrade until after replacing Bonnie. Of course, he still had claws beforehand, he’s a gator, but, the claw upgrade switches the endoskeleton’s hands entirely.

Compare Monty’s sharp fingies to the blunter Glamrock Endo’s. Monty’s original hands could still do major damage, I mean look at what the STAFF bots did to Freddy with their even bigger & rounder fingers. But if you look at the gashes in Bonnie’s torso, they’re much more clean slices accompanied by smaller scratches all over, which had to have been made by something much sharper and pointier.

Also, Monty attacks with his teeth, not his claws. (link leads to gif of his jumpscare)

Further, we have absolutely no reason to think Monty would want to attack Bonnie. There’s no bad blood, and if Monty truly did want the spotlight, he could’ve gone for Freddy.

Monty MischiefERRANT BEHAVIOR REPORT - Monty didn't show up for the main stage performance again. We found him in the same place we always do, the catwalks over Monty Golf. We can't have a repeat of last month. Someone hit the hole in one and the hurricane bucket knocked him down. Both legs were broken and required emergency parts and service work.

This message is very telling: Monty frequently skipped main performances and hid in Gator Golf. This is completely counter to the notion that he craved the spotlight and attention of being in the band. In fact, it sounds like he didn’t even like being in the band. Perhaps his aggression during/before SB – like destroying his green room – was partly fueled by resentment for being taken from his element?

Monty has no personal motives for killing Bonnie, but could he have been controlled? Mmmmmaybe? But I don’t think so. We’ve already established that Vanny couldn’t have been involved. Then there’s Mimic1/TS, which I already established came into play after Bonnie was gone. In fact, the way the book described Monty post-Storyteller is a lot like how he acts around SB: violent, destructive outbursts, and silently sulking (like in the catwalks). It’s even specified that the malfunctioning Glamrocks weren’t homicidal or harming others. Monty – nor any of the other animatronics – have ever been violent towards each other. Monty’s aggression is aimed at his own belongings and like, fences and shit. Never his friends. Plus, Monty disliking Freddy is something only ever depicted in Monty’s arcade game, which TS had access to. I think the arcade game can absolutely give us storytelling via symbolism, but I doubt it’s altered by Monty’s mind and thoughts.

And say Monty did kill Bonnie – why wasn’t he noticed on the cameras either going to Bonnie Bowl or moving Bonnie’s body there from Gator Golf? If an outside force deleted security footage, why leave the incriminating part where Bonnie goes to Gator Golf in the first place? It wouldn’t make sense. Plus, most evidence points towards Bonnie Bowl being where the incident occurred.

Suspect 3: Prototype Freddy

The theory that Freddy killed Bonnie comes from @glammiketrash, and it’s a great theory. Give it a read if you have time, I think it’s definitely one of the more likely theories on this topic and has strong supporting evidence.  

However, there are a few reasons why I personally don’t think a rogue Freddy did it (even ignoring the timeline I established). For starters, the Prototype Freddy in RUIN is heavily implied to be the same Freddy that was left in Fazer Blast in the Princess Quest ending of SB – the ending that’s canon to RUIN (at this point I don’t think I have to explain why PQ is the canon ending, but I’d be happy to explain it in the replies if needed).

The comic for the Disassemble Vanny ending shows us an illustration of how Freddy was damaged by the STAFF bots, and it’s strikingly similar to Prototype Freddy (PF): exposed hands, a chunk taken from the right bicep and thigh. You could even argue that the torso cracking is similar (I’m drawn to how both have the lightning bolt cut off similarly). It feels like PF was designed/modeled after the illustration. He has the sharp claws from the Monty upgrade, and his missing head aligns with the PQ ending where Gregory leaves the Pizzaplex with it. Then of course, there’s the fact that he’s found in Fazer Blast, where Freddy in SB was attacked and left.

Yes, I believe that the Glamrock Freddy in SB was a prototype model the entire time. We still don’t know why Freddy glitched out in the beginning of the game, but it’s entirely possible that Parts & Service simply booted up a new/temporary endo while they dealt with whatever broke Freddy. He’s on reduced power for safety measures because, as an older version, they don’t know how unusual or erratic he’ll be – a justified precaution, since we can see that when he runs out of power, or is under maintenance (you know, when his head’s off), he attacks Gregory. It would also explain why Freddy in SB isn’t connected to the network or infected by the virus – he literally just got switched on.

And holy shit, at the time of writing this, FazFriends just uploaded a video showcasing the animatronics’ endoskeletons, and it happens to support my theory!

Freddy and Bonnie both share an endoskeleton unique to the other Glamrocks. Monty, Chica, and Roxy all share a basic endoskeleton. The Glamrocks would all be kept up-to-date and modified throughout the years. Since Bonnie is one of the original ones, we can assume that’s what their endos looked like when the Pizzaplex first opened. It doesn’t make sense that Freddy, being who he is, wouldn’t be upgraded the same way the others are… unless this is an older Freddy. SB Freddy having a unique endoskeleton that matches Bonnie’s signifies that he was in a Prototype model from the beginning.

Freddy has a lot of personality for sure, but still seems a bit sterile and stilted at times, especially if you compare him to someone like Roxy. In the books Freddy’s personality is changed on a few occasions, such as by The Storyteller (in which he’s adopted a “spoiled brat” personality) and by GGY (in which he’d acted eerie and followed/stared at the protagonist). He’s completely wiped clean of all this though in SB. He still has a distinct personality, memories, and feelings, but it feels kind of like it was reset to default. That could just be me, but it supports the idea of him being PF.

Prototype Freddy looks like that because of the events of SB. Prior to that, he looked just like a normal Freddy. In the timeframe that Bonnie was destroyed, none of the robots were acting violent and there was no AI or virus to control him, which rules out any last possibility of PF being Bonnie’s killer to me.

There are definitely holes in this line of thought; It’s just speculation that makes sense to me. I’m also generally forgiving when it comes to changes made to SB from RUIN; SB seemed to go through a lot of changes in development and was released in a messy state, so I wouldn’t blame them if at this point Steel Wool was establishing things that would retroactively apply to SB.

Suspect 4: THE MIMICCCCCCC

FINALLY, over 4k words in, we are talking about the thing I promised. I’ll start with some more information on the Mimic itself (yup, there’s still more!!!).

Every TFTPP book has an epilogue, all of which connect together into one narrative that tells us the story of how The Mimic ended up in the FNAF6 Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza Place beneath the Pizzaplex.

The Pizza Place was originally intended to be refurbished into a Fazbear museum in conjunction with the Pizzaplex’s construction. There was a small team working there to clean the building, particularly to pick up and disassemble all of the remaining endoskeletons littered throughout the place. One of the guys on the team (Gil) hates his job and goes outside to take a break just in time to see a shipment arrive containing the Glamrock Animatronics – and, for whatever reason, The Mimic. Since TM was clearly older and the odd one out of the bunch, Gil drags TM inside with the intention of uploading a cleanup protocol into the endo. He instructs TM to remove the limbs and heads off of the endoskeletons and pile them up at the door. The Mimic does this quickly, and when it runs out of endoskeletons, begins to dismember the renovation crew. Construction workers from outside rush in when they hear the commotion, which only adds to TM’s victims. The youngest of the renovation crew manages to escape and desperately convinces nearby cement workers to seal the entrances to the pizzeria (Epilogue #1). (This massive pile of animatronic parts and murder victims is theorized to be the origins of Tangle/The Blob, btw.)

Sometime later, a group of 8 teens sneak into the Pizza Place via a vent opening in the roof. Once they discover the gruesome mass murder scene, they realize that they aren’t alone, that their way out was crushed, and that they’re trapped (Epilogue #2).

Over the course of the next few installments, the teens are slowly picked off by TM. It uses mascot costumes to trick and murder the teens (similar to what TM did in Edwin’s factory) in a twisted hide-and-seek type game. When the group finds an old radio, TM intercepts the signal and pretends to be someone else within the Pizza Place calling for help, attempting to lure the kids into a back room. It also could disrupt electronics, as the lights and electricity as a whole often flickered and went out when it was near. A manual found in the office tells us more about TM:

The one we saw is either a Mimic Model 1 or 2. […] They have retractable and expandable limbs and a contracting torso so they can fit into pretty much any mascot costume. […] The tech in the Mimics was pretty clunky. […] If you encounter one of these things, you should immediately disconnect its power source and disassemble it (Epilogue #4, pp. 219-220). [...] When the team created the Mimic line, they didn’t want to have to program in every show routine, step-by-step. That was a lot of coding, so they just programmed the Mimic to basically watch and learn. Not only could a Mimic fit into any costume, it was designed to observe the other routines and then mimic them (Epilogue #6, p. 183). I wish I could read all of this, but it seems like the original Mimic began mimicking not just the other animatronics but also people. And it did it in ways that weren’t intended. I’m not sure what it did. I can just make out the words misconstrue, scared, potential disaster, and deactivate remaining Mimic endos (Epilogue #6, p. 184).

It's kinda unclear, but this is the narrative I’m picking up: Once Fazbear Entertainment was finally able to “clean up [the] mess” left by Edwin and get their hands on The Mimic, they were like “hey this programming is actually genius” and started making their own Mimic models based on Edwin’s, claiming it as their own engineering (classic corner-cutting Fazbear Entertainment). However, due to its primitive programming (Edwin was an engineer, not a coder) and the nature of Mimic1, Fazbear quickly realized how faulty and unreliable the Mimic animatronic line was, so they decommissioned them. The Mimic in the Pizza Place is likely Edwin’s original, considering its costume-wearing, hide-and-seek style murders.

Enough backstory for now. I’ll be addressing more book stuff later (sorry, sorry), but I’d like to bring this back around to Bonnie and how TM qualifies as a suspect before getting into the how and why.

Think back to Bonnie’s corpse and the diagonal swipe to his chest caused by sharp claws.

Get a load of this guy.

Very sharp fingers on the left hand. Returning to the analysis of Bonnie’s corpse – facing Bonnie, a downward right-to-left swipe is likely achieved by the left hand. Supporting this is TM’s jumpscare, in which it grabs with the right hand and attacks with the left.

In its costumed jumpscare, TM attacks with its round-fingered right hand in a fist. Bonnie, along with several scratch marks, is also covered in dents, meaning TM could have used both of its attack methods.

“But TM has 5 fingers, and Bonnie’s slash marks look like they’re from a 4-fingered hand.” I hear ya. Here’s some possible explanations:

With the angle of the motion and the curvature of Bonnie’s torso, the pinky finger didn’t pierce the casing, instead merely scratching it.

TM wears 4-fingered costumes – you can see it is in the jumpscare above. Who’s to say TM didn’t travel in a costume from the Pizza Place, or even found Glamrock casing to put on?

It can just like, shapeshift. I wouldn’t think that extended to details like the fingers, but I wouldn’t be surprised. The left palm does have holes in it, so maybe the fingers were designed to contract to fit various gloves.

Another obvious connection is that TM famously tears off the limbs of its victims – and wouldn’t you know it, Bonnie’s arms and legs are dismembered. TM, noticeably old and described as discolored in the books, could also be the source of all the extraneous, out-of-place metal parts that surround Bonnie.

Out of all the suspects, TM is the only one that’s known to be violent towards animatronics, has the physical capabilities to have done it, and would be awake while the rest of the Glamrocks were deactivated for the night. When it comes to analyzing the crime scene itself and the events surrounding it, The Mimic fits the bill the most out of all the suspects. Isolated, it’s the most likely option, in my opinion. Determining how this happened is a bit trickier; expect a bit more speculation in that regard.

I know what you might be thinking: How did The Mimic get into the Pizzaplex in the first place if it was sealed underground?

It’s not all that unusual if you think about it. For starters, the Pizza Place was not sealed very well (it was done in a panic, after all). The teens were able to enter through a vent in the roof, multiple characters attempted to leave through a vent blocked by a giant (moving) fan, and Lucia (the protagonist) was finally able to escape through a window in the bathroom that had less concrete blocking it than the others. There are various means of escape in which TM can contort its body to fit through.

Briefly, while on the subject of the latest epilogue, it’s worth noting that Lucia was able to deactivate TM by trapping it in a springlock costume and flipping its off switch. To this, I remind you that the Epilogues aren’t over. The book series is still ongoing, as is TM’s story. Plus, by the time of SB/RUIN, TM is clearly awake, so it’s possible that it was reactivated by the time of Bonnie’s death.

Prior to that, Lucia briefly restrained TM with rope. It reminds me of the AR STAFF bot hanging over cables, and the weird tubelike things underneath Bonnie’s body. Could they all be connected? Could TM have learned the rope tactic from Lucia and then gone on to mimic that when attacking Bonnie?

Anyways, another important aspect of all this is TM’s connection to the Pizzaplex. We know that TM and TS share the same program, Mimic1 (it’s unclear if TS’s programming came from the original Mimic or one of Fazbear Entertainment’s copies. My own opinion flip-flops). TM is also connected to the VANNI mask and the AR world – whether you believe the theory that Glitchtrap is Mimic1 or not doesn’t matter, since it doesn’t change that The Physical Mimic Under The Pizzaplex Somehow Connected Itself To The Mask, even after the PQ ending got rid of Glitchtrap and its control over the robots. TM could also interact with the security feed and get in contact with Cassie, who was outside the Pizzaplex. Of course, none of these things are relevant to the time period we’re working with, but it shows how TM can connect itself to electronics, even long-distance, and possibly without the help of shared software. If it can interfere with radio signals, I wouldn’t be surprised if it could at least view security footage, maps, employee messages, and whatever else from the Pizzaplex.

Okay, now think waaaaaayy back to the beginning when I was analyzing Bonnie’s behavior: “He either woke up on his own with a specific purpose in mind, OR something woke him up.”

Returning to these two options with the information we have now, it turns to:  “Bonnie either knew something suspicious was afoot and wanted to investigate, OR The Mimic woke him up (purposefully or not).”

There could be alternatives, but these are the most obvious conclusions.

While what we know about GlamBonnie’s death is limited, we know even less about his personality. We don’t have any hints on why Bonnie in particular would be acutely aware of something unusual, or on the contrary, why he’d be targeted by TM. But we do know that on this occasion he was awake and later murdered, and TM is looking guilty.

Again, think back to Bonnie’s strange behavior caught by security the night he went missing; The long spans of time between very few appearances on camera, almost as if he was avoiding them, either on purpose or as a result of following something. If Bonnie was doing something he shouldn’t’ve, he probably would be sneaky about it. If Bonnie was being lured by TM with the intent to Get Him, it makes sense that it would lead him where he can’t be tracked. If it’s possible TM could access security and maps, of course it would know how to not be seen – and if it plays hide and seek, it would want to stay hidden. 

(I’ve been speculating under the assumption that TM can’t alter the Pizzaplex network, just view it. If it’s possible that it can alter the network, i.e. delete security footage, then that’d save us a lot of assumptions. If that were the case, then TM could just delete any security footage of itself, which is why we’re only left with random sightings of Bonnie on camera. The rest – the missing pieces – would fill in the blanks). 

TM may have an impressive AI, but it’s nothing near the Glamrocks’ level of self-awareness. Its actions are all motivated by the Mimic1 programming and what it’s learned/observed. It doesn’t try to escape because it has the desire to get out, but because it was not designed to be confined to a room. It doesn’t dismember people because it enjoys killing, but because it’s reacting “the way it had learned to handle all endoskeleton-like objects,” (Epilogue #7, p. 169). We don’t have reason to believe TM resents or envies Bonnie. Bonnie became a victim because he entered the crossfire of TM’s programming.

I personally believe Bonnie had suspicions something Strange was happening and began to investigate (either over a period of time, or simply was woken by TM skulking around one night, and was like “what the” and searched for the source). TM caught on and entered “hide-and-seek mode,” in which it was hiding from a pursuing Bonnie. Persistent and stubborn, as all Bonnies tended to be, GlamBonnie pursued TM all night. TM, in its previous killings, would hide, lure, then ambush. I think TM finally cornered Bonnie by luring him to the end of the long hallway behind Bonnie Bowl and finishing him off. Sunrise is approaching by this point, and the Pizzaplex would be opening up soon, so TM retreats back to the Pizza Place to avoid being found.

AC Inspection Thank you for contacting Low Budget Building Contractors. We have done a preliminary inspection and find nothing wrong with your ventilation system. The 'loud clanging', 'banging' and 'scraping' noises which were reported don't appear to be reproducable. Call us if it happens again. Invoice attached. - Keith

This might be nothing, but I want to include it anyway. The AC Inspection message from SB is most likely referring to the wind-up Music Man that chases Gregory in the vents. I think I’ve seen some speculate that this could be The Blob snaking through the vents (I’ve heard a theory somewhere that The Blob is what’s stealing from Rockstar Row). Personally, the language reminds me of the noises described in the Epilogues of TM crawling through the vents. Just skimming through Epilogue #7, the words and phrases “scraped,” “grinding,” “metal-on-metal scratches,” “thrum and thunderous rattle,” “sonorous clang,” and “screeches,” are used to describe the sound made by TM in the ventilation system.

There’s nothing in this message that dates it, so the cause could be anything, in theory. It's possible that TM used the Pizzaplex’s ventilation system to avoid the cameras while traversing, entering, and exiting the premises.

-☆-

OKAY. THIS IS THE LAST SECTION. YOU’RE IN THE HOME STRETCH –

WHY A COVERUP?

Why completely hide GlamBonnie’s existence and opt for a rebrand?

Option 1: They literally couldn’t find him. Hidden in such a hard-to-reach location, Bonnie’s body was simply never found. It doesn’t help that security logs pointed staff to Monty Golf. Left only to speculate, Fazbear Entertainment had to be ready for any possibility. Could he have been stolen? Thrown out? Hacked? Imagine if someone had stolen and hacked Bonnie, and he reappeared acting inappropriately or in any way unregulated by Fazbear Entertainment. If they’d gone ahead and replaced Bonnie, not only would there suddenly be two Bonnies, but one of them would be acting weird, outside of their control, and Fazbear would have to do something about it. No, as long as they’re unsure what happened to him, it’s easier to just have the understudy replace him. Precursory damage control. Bonnie was never a character in the Pizzaplex, so whatever a rogue Bonnie is doing or saying isn’t their fault or responsibility.

Option 2: They deduced what happened and couldn’t let word get out. Perhaps Bonnie saw something he shouldn’t’ve. Perhaps he knew too much. Easier to get rid of All the evidence, pretend it never happened, cover it All up, than to attempt damage control afterwards. Fazbear Entertainment surely knew about TM sealed up in the Pizza Place beneath their mega mall. If it’d gotten out, that’d be bad. If Bonnie lived to tell the tale, that’d be bad. Don’t even move the body, just seal up the room best you can so nobody can find him. Secure all entrances to the Pizzaplex so that Thing can’t get back in and do more damage.

Option 2 seems most likely. Clearly, he’d been found by someone – the Caution Bots found him, after all, and the room was boarded up from the inside. The only thing I can’t explain is the weird tunnel through the wall leading to the room from the bowling lane. Genuinely what is up with that. It could’ve been the escape for whoever was boarding up the main entrance, but if that was an official effort, I feel like it’d be easier to remove the wall panels and leave through the vent rather than create a new, messier entrance.

The hush-hush surrounding his disappearance indicates that some employees had a general idea of what happened (or at least that Fazbear wanted him replaced, refused to elaborate, and didn’t have an explanation).

AR Glam Bonnie Plush Dad wouldn't tell me why they replaced Bonnie.

This inventory description from Cassie tells us all we need to know: Not that her dad didn’t know what happened to Bonnie, but that he wouldn’t tell her. He knew what happened to Bonnie. Being the daughter of a Faz-Technician, Cassie was often exposed to the behind-the-scenes of the Pizzaplex. The fact that her dad refused to tell her the truth could mean any of these three things: 1) He was on very strict legal orders to not say anything; 2) Bonnie being his favorite character, dad couldn’t bring himself to tell Cassie what really happened; or 3) He didn’t want to upset the empathetic Cassie, who would’ve been nearly half the age she was in RUIN, by telling her that Bonnie was literally killed/destroyed and wouldn’t be fixed.  

Combined with the fact that Fazbear Entertainment didn’t have an official response regarding Bonnie’s whereabouts until sometime after the rebrand, I get the impression they Knew Something and had to deal with That first.

Understudy MANAGEMENT REPORT - With Bonnie out of commission, we are making Monty the new bass player. Parts and Service has already done the proper adjustments. This could be a good thing. Monty could be even more popular than Bonnie.

“Monty could be even more popular than Bonnie.”

I don’t think they were wrong with this one. Like I said earlier, we don’t know anything about Bonnie’s personality. I’d harbor a guess, though.

Bonnie, across all games/iterations, is generally characterized as a stereotypical rock musician: active, boastful, and a confident performer. The unused Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza Theme Song from Help Wanted portrays Bonnie similarly, but with a laid-back hippie sorta voice. The Freddy & Friends: On Tour! web series promoting Security Breach characterized Bonnie as deadpan, casual/laid-back, and mute. Steel Wool-era Bonnie leans more into the chill, hippie-type rockstar stereotype, so I don’t think it’d be a stretch to say that Glamrock Bonnie would’ve retained some of these elements.

Monty, as shown in the book excerpts earlier, is a dramatic, guitar-smashing rockstar. Loud, hyper, destructive, eye-catching Monty. I’ve no doubt that Monty was popular due to all these traits that made him unlike Bonnie. Bonnie is “go with the flow,” while Monty is “my way or the highway.” Monty's excitement and energy would also freshen up the main band – none of the other members steal the show the way Monty does.

Their coverup works. Monty’s popularity is soaring. Everyone forgets about Bonnie.

-☆-

ROUGH TIMELINE

Construction

The Mimic is brought to the Pizza Place during the Pizzaplex’s construction.

Pizza Place sealed with concrete, teens later sneak in.

Pizzaplex construction completed.

Pizzaplex Years 1-2

Bonnie is decommissioned.

Monty becomes bass player and GlamBonnie imagery is removed.

Pizzaplex Year (???), but after Monty rebrand

The Storyteller is installed; removed 3 weeks later. Mimic1 continues to alter technology in the Pizzaplex.

Pizzaplex Year 3(ish)

Events of GGY and the Retro CDs.

Pizzaplex Year (???), but pre-SB

Vanessa becomes Chief Security Guard by recommendation.

All remaining staff are replaced by STAFF bots.

Pizzaplex Late Year 4-5

Freddy malfunctions onstage and is temporarily booted up in his prototype in safe mode.

Events of Security Breach.

PQ/Free Vanessa ending.

Post-SB

RUIN

-☆-

TL; DR (EXTREMELY simplified)

Bonnie was decommissioned within the first year or so of the Pizzaplex opening.

Any outside virus/programming couldn’t have influenced another animatronic to attack him, and Vanny wasn’t working at the Pizzaplex yet.

Bonnie was last seen wandering the Pizzaplex for several hours in the middle of the night when he should’ve been deactivated. Only spotted on camera three times, no mentions of a security guard encountering him.

Bonnie’s body is in a small room at the very end of a maintenance/storage hall behind the bowling lanes, which has been boarded up from the inside.

Due to the environment, this room must’ve been the crime scene.

The state of Bonnie’s body aligns most with The Mimic’s killing style.

Sharp claw marks

Dismembered limbs

Old, corroded metal parts around Bonnie that could’ve belonged to the Mimic

Possibly was lured to a secluded location.

The Pizza Place underneath the Pizzaplex wasn’t properly sealed, so The Mimic could have escaped and possibly entered the Pizzaplex.

The Mimic can interfere/interact with technology, so it could’ve had access to information about the Pizzaplex.

Knew how to avoid security.

Bonnie pursuing TM caused it to respond with its “hide-and-seek” style of attack, eventually luring Bonnie to an isolated location and ambushing him.

Fazbear Entertainment knew their murderous basement creature is what killed Bonnie and covered up the incident.

They didn’t want any chance of the incident getting out, which is why they sealed Bonnie’s tomb and replaced him instead of repairing him.

[voxofthevoid]

Random question that occurred to me just now while scrolling my dash and seeing a fic update from you: what's your process on coming up with titles?

I use a mix of groan-worthy puns, weird callbacks to vintage pop culture, and poetry/song lyrics but with a smattering of “this word/phrase just feels right,” so it's hard to narrow stuff down. From the end result, it looks so effortless.

First things first, please know that I approve of the groan-worthy puns so, so much. You're doing the world a service 😍

Back when my titles were 80% original and 20% quotes, my method was similar to yours—wordplay, notable quotes or lyrics, random phrases with the right vibes.

These days, I almost exclusively use song lyrics and poetry, so titling is a matter of match-making more than anything else. Currently, I have a rather sparse Spotify playlist called "Lyric Mining," four different word documents full of lyrics and poetry, a phone note with more lyrics and poetry, and a gallery folder full of poetry/quote screenshots.

...And even with all those, I still spend hours trying to title things 🥹

Granted, a lot of that is because I also title individual chapters, sometimes with weird self-imposed rules for both sources and punctuation. My title page for my current WIP looks like this, for instance—all Sleep Token lyrics, with no more than one comma:

Some are easier than others. You just know. Others get me flipping through those docs/folders and changing the titles half a dozen times before I'm satisfied. Half my titles are based on vibes, the other half have an essay's worth of rationale 😂

[foreverdolly]

𝐈 𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐄 pt 2 | 80's mechanic!austin x best friend!reader

summary: it's starting to look like he might never make it out of the friend zone. austin has been in love with you for as long as he can remember, and he's terrified that you'll never see him as anything more than a best friend and protector. with the fear of you one day outgrowing him fresh on his mind, he's now hell bent on getting you to view him in a different light. madly in love and terrified to lose you, austin butler is playing for keeps.

pairings: 80s mechanic! austin x childhood best friend!reader

word count: 3.8k

notes/warnings: SMUT! in part three, virgin!austin. . . need i say more?, i love pining and this fic is testament to that, shaky/hurried hands, who doesn't love a good best friends to lovers fic, he has a deep southern accent, austin is the small town's metalhead and he's swelteringly hot without even trying. (this is going to have to be three parts because it turned out too long after editing. the smut alone is like. . . five pages on google docs.)

Austin could tell that you were fighting off the urge to plug your ears as the band continued to pound away at their instruments. It wasn’t that you weren’t a fan of metal music- he was pleased to know that you enjoyed a lot of the bands that he loved- but while this might be metal, Austin wasn’t sure it could really be categorized as music. The drummer, Mark, was okay at best. He couldn’t say the same for the other member’s. Dave had picked up a guitar and decided that he wanted to start a band just a year ago. It was more of a “this sounds like a fun thing to do with my time” and less of a “this is my passion in life” sort of thing. 

The wavy haired blonde tried to show support where he could, like tonight for example. He had dragged you all the way out here just to add to the small crowd. You were sweet enough not to complain though. 

“Do ya want another drink?” Austin called down to you, pointing to the empty can of beer in your hand. 

You squint your eyes up at him, trying to read his lips. He repeated himself, smiling fondly when you nodded your head. You were kind enough to let him drag you an hour out of town to see this show, so the least he could do was make sure you were taken care of. Not only that, but it was something that he enjoyed immensely. Austin knew just how strong you were, but it felt nice to know that he was needed. Taking care of you made him feel like a necessary part of your life. It made it easier for him to delude himself into thinking that you couldn’t be without him. 

“I’m not drunk enough for this.” You called back to him, motioning towards the stage. 

He heard your sly little comment and laughed all the way back up to the bar, maneuvering his tall body this way and that so that he wouldn’t bump into anyone in the packed crowd. Austin was surprised that so many people showed up to the bar tonight, the turnout usually being much smaller. 

He finally made it over to the bar, the toes of his sneakers swiping one of the bar stools. He grimaced, mumbling a quick apology to the man who had been jostled around by Austin’s uncharacteristic clumsiness. He was just about to try and grab the bartender’s attention when he felt a sudden pressure on his elbow.

 Samuel’s familiar face grinned back at him, his mousy brown hair cropped short. Austin gaped when he noticed the new hairstyle, eyebrows pinching together in confusion. He didn’t have to vocalize the question, Sam already pointing at his head with a comically dramatic frown.

“Work,” The other man stated simply, shrugging his shoulders with a “what can you do” attitude. “I’ll get another beer.” He reached around Austin so that he could hand the empty beer bottle to the bartender and then pointed towards the blonde. “And then put whatever he orders for him and his lady on my tab too.” 

The blonde whirled, quickly shaking his head. He wasn’t the type of person to take handouts. Ever. Even if they are as a gesture of kindness. Austin hated the feeling of owing people anything. He’d learned from a young age that most people, even the ones that seemed to have the purest intentions, expected favors in return for nice gestures. Maybe it was due to growing up on “the wrong side of the tracks”, but good deeds always meant that someone wanted something from you. 

“Nah, man. Ya don’t have to do that.” He tried, but the beers were already being placed down in front of him. 

Sam smiled at the bartender, giving her a flirtatious wink before clapping his old friend on the back. “You’re the one that got me my current gig. Two beers is nowhere near enough to pay you back for that.” 

The regional manager of the local electric company had all of their work trucks maintained at the shop where Austin worked. All the mechanic did was tell the head honcho that he knew a guy that was going to school to become an electrician. Thanks to Austin’s meddling, Sam had a job the second he got his certificates. Even though Austin was the one that set up the interview, it was the brunette’s skill and personable attitude that landed him the job in the first place. He didn’t want to take credit for the other boy’s undeniable skill. Instead of pushing the subject and denying the other man’s kindness, Austin- although slightly begrudgingly- took the beers with a small smile, nudging his elbow into Sam’s side. 

“Well thank ya for that. It’s weird seein’ your hair short though. Ya look good.” Austin took a sip of his beer, then stared down at yours, raising that can to his lips so that he could give it a taste. 

“You’re lucky that you get to keep your long hair. I mean- it gets more and more majestic by the day, Butler.” Sam teased, reaching a hand over to rustle his wavy blonde hair. It was past his shoulders now, and though you often teased him about getting a haircut, he knew that you’d be upset if he chopped it all off. He’d had long hair since high school, only trimming it when it became too much of a bother to maintain. 

Austin could see the way Sam’s eyes slowly searched the crowd, his smile slow and wide once he found exactly who he was looking for: you. The blonde knew that the questions were sure to come, and so he was quick to change the subject. 

“I’m glad ya came all the way out here to support Dave. I didn’t know ya were still close with him.” The dark dive bar’s doors opened, more metalheads pouring in through the front door. Austin steered them away from the bar, making more room for others who were waiting behind them for a drink.

“I love Davie- but Mark is my new roommate.” Mark was the aforementioned drummer. . . and the wildest of the band. Just two months ago at a bonfire the twenty four year old had set his hair on fire- hence the fact that he was newly bald.

You had been there with the group when it had happened, and thankfully were sober enough to pour your drink over his head to extinguish the flames. Only after you knew that he was safe did you double over with laughter. Austin hadn’t been so kind. He had nearly pissed himself the second that the idiot tried to jump over the giant flames. 

“That must be. . . fun.” Austin chose his words carefully, but Sam was quick to laugh. 

“It’s never dull, that’s for sure.” He agreed, lifting his beer up to take a swig.

The song that the band was playing ended, Dave walking up to the mic so that he could loudly thank the crowd and call out the shitty title of their next terrible song. The amp's feedback was piercing, causing the entire bar to wince and cry out in pain. 

Austin started to walk off in your direction, hoping that he’d been successful in steering clear of any questioning- but a grip on his shoulder stopped him. Every single one of his friends had given him “the talk” at one time or another. It was always awkward and hard to stomach. Nobody in their right mind would pine after a girl for even a fraction of the time that Austin had with you. None of his friends could ever begin to understand exactly what he could lose in the process of vocalizing his feelings though.

“So is this a date. . . or?” Sam asked under his breath, motioning as subtly over towards you as he could. 

You had looked over in Austin’s direction a few times, wondering where he was and what might be taking him so long. You’d stopped searching for him after seeing who he was talking to though, not wanting to interrupt. Sam was the only one in Austin’s male friend group that actually had a “real” job, and you knew that the two of them had more in common than the rest of the boys because of it. You turned back to the stage, giving Dave a quick thumbs up as a form of encouragement to pump him up after the amp malfunction. The blonde clenched his teeth for a couple of seconds, knowing that he shouldn’t lie (but wishing that he could), before turning to face Sam again. 

“No- not a date. She’s friends with the group. . . and Davie wanted her to be here tonight.” 

Sam’s face hardened as he looked up at the stage, glaring after the guitarist. Austin was quick to shake his head, backpedaling. 

“It’s not like that. Just as friends. He knows that I-” Am in love with her. 

Of course he didn’t need to finish the sentence. Anyone with eyes knew how he felt about you. Thankfully, none of his friends had ever even tried their hand at flirting with you, because they understood Austin’s feelings. It wasn’t a childhood yearning or an adult ache that plagued him. It was more complex than that. It was the sort of love that often destroyed adult’s lives. The kind of love that didn’t go away, no matter how much you wished that they would. He’d been in love with you before he could even add two plus two or write his full name in cursive. That love was just as much a part of him as his own soul was. 

Which was why it always bothered Austin when people looked at him with eyes filled with pity. Just like Sam was doing now. 

“Do you think. . . do you think she knows? Maybe she doesn’t want to turn you down because she doesn’t want to lose you.” Sam was trying to help. Austin knew that. He was just sick and tired of people constantly putting their two cents in. 

These sort of comments just added to the self doubt that crippled him. The years of anxiety over his unrequited feelings kept him awake at night, and he didn’t need tonight to be ruined. Despite the shitty music, the two of you had been having fun. Wake up calls like the one Sam was currently tried to give him often put him in a rotten mood, and you’d pick up on that immediately.

“She doesn’t know. Ya know how she is- she’s sweet, trustin’, and a lil’ bit naive. We’ve always been this close, so in her mind this is all we are.” And all that we’re going to be most likely. He took a swig of his beer, wishing that he could get drunk off of his ass. He hadn’t made any sleeping arrangements with his friends though, and the last thing he wanted was for you to be sleeping on some random guys floor because he got too drunk to drive home. 

Austin cleared his throat, gave Sam one last pat on the shoulder, and started to make his way through the thrashing crowd. Behind Austin, Sam opened his mouth to say something. The shift in mood was obvious, and he needed to apologize for bringing it up, but it was too late now. Austin was gone and in a solemn mood. 

The melancholy that threatened to eat away at him for the rest of his night was swiftly replaced with rage. 

There was a man standing beside you that he hadn’t ever seen before. He wasn’t a friend. . . or even a friend of a friend, for that matter. Austin watched as the male moved his hands excitedly as he spoke, dark brown bangs hanging into his eyes, his hair almost as long as Austin’s. 

Your childhood friend stood back and watched the interaction for as long as he could stomach, wondering what the two of you were talking about to have the male in such high spirits. Were you making him feel like he stood a chance with you? Had he been too late walking back to the bar, the two of you having already exchanged contact information? He was attractive enough- though as he smiled Austin noticed that his bottom row of teeth was rather crooked. Knowing you, you’d probably find the imperfection “cute”, which further enraged the blonde. 

Austin hated getting angry over things like this. Watching you talk to other boys had been something he hadn’t had to deal with in almost two years, which he had considered to be a godsend. It was just as painful every time. It was unfair of him to feel this way, and he knew that. He should have hung back and let you talk to the guy. If he was a real friend he would have done just that. 

Except Austin had staked his claim on you far before you’d been able to fully comprehend what dating really was.

 No matter how nice of a guy Austin was, he was territorial and easily made jealous. He had his faults. He was selfish with you, and he’d willingly admit that to whoever questioned him. So he swiftly walked up beside you, sliding your beer into your hand with a smile that was too sweet. 

“Sorry that took so long. Sam wanted to show me his new haircut.” That wasn’t a complete lie. Just a little ‘half truth’. 

You smiled widely up at him, then gestured to your “new friend”. The boy straightened his back, having noticed how large Austin was in comparison to his own gangly frame. He towered above almost everybody else in the room, his shoulders broad and muscular. The blonde smiled at the boy, making sure to show off his perfect, white smile. He was being petty. He was being rude and horrible and. . . and he didn’t care. Not really, anyway. Austin could feel bad about his behavior later, but for now he had to make sure nothing happened between the two of you. 

“Austin, this is Robin. He works at the local record store.” You introduced, motioning between the two men. 

Bless your sweet little soul. You probably thought that the two of them, having similar taste in style and music, would be fast friends. Maybe Austin would have liked the guy if he wasn’t trying to steal his girl. Maybe being the keyword. 

The stage lights flashed dully beside your little group, the thick clouds of cigarette smoke drowning out most of the light. You let out a pleased hum as Austin took Robin’s hand into his own, watching him shake it firmly. 

“Nice to meet ya, man.” Though it wasn’t very nice at all. “Robin. . . that’s an interestin’ name for a guy.” That was a childish jab, but Austin wasn’t above laying the guy out right here and now. That is, if you weren’t standing between them. 

You tensed beside your best friend, giving his arm a quick swat, as if reminding the giant to play nice. 

Austin barely felt it, your tiny hands doing nothing to deter him. Instead he placed a large hand on the top of your head, dragging you into his side and tucking you in tightly. Robin was about to say something- a rude remark to fire back at Austin’s insult- but froze as he took in the sight before him. Understanding flickered into his eyes, his mouth parting slightly. 

“Oh,” He whispered softly, then held his hands up in defense. “Oh, I had no idea. Really. No harm done at all. We were just talking about music. Strictly casual.” 

You were standing as still as a statue, muscles taught as you tried your hardest to feel out the situation. Was Austin pretending to be your boyfriend because he thought Robin looked suspicious? You chewed on the inside of your cheek, fighting off the urge to shrug his arm off of you. You’d hate yourself later for embarrassing him in public, and you were positive that your best friend’s intentions were good. Still, it annoyed you that he still treated you like a child. Sure, you could be a bit too optimistic at times, but you were fully capable of protecting yourself. 

The hatred in Austin’s chest fizzled out, and suddenly he felt like the biggest douche on the planet. You might be blinded by your sense of innocence, but you were often a good judge of character. Robin was a nice enough guy, and he had just been an asshole for no reason. Austin’s shoulders slumped and he quickly shook his head. 

“No- you’re fine. I’m just protective over her, especially in places like this. Ya can never be too careful… There’s a lot’a creeps out there.” Austin offered as an excuse, moving a tad closer to him so that he could shake his hand- anything to alleviate some of the awkward tension. Robin started to shuffle back, obviously scared of a potential fight, but Austin shook his head. 

He’d traumatized the poor guy. 

“So ya work at a record store? Do ya have a good thrash collection?” Something. Austin needed to think of something that might change the direction of this conversation. He could feel how antsy you were getting at his side. He didn’t have to look down to know that you were disappointed in him for his reaction. Knowing that he had upset you absolutely gutted him. He’d let his jealousy get the best of him, and because of that he’d acted like. . . well, like a complete dick to someone that didn’t deserve it. 

Robin’s grim expression softened, brown eyes pinching at the corners as he smiled- albeit a bit nervously. 

“Yeah, at the record store down the street,” Robin yelled over the music, pointing off in the direction. 

You and Austin had dropped by the place a few times, but it was usually for record signings. It was the largest store in the entire area, so any time there were any “obscure” new releases the male would have to drive an hour out just to pick it up. It was a pain in the ass, but the store owner was pretty nice and knew a handful of influential people in the music industry. 

Back when you and Austin were in highschool you had all but begged on your hands and knees to skip school so that you could get one of your “The Police” cassette signed. Much to his absolute horror you had insisted on blasting it the entire way home. Of course he put up with it. Why? Because you looked cute screaming the lyrics. 

“Ya must have just gotten the job. I was up there about two months ago and didn’t see ya.” Austin offered Robin another smile, and that was all it took for the guy to warm up to the blonde. 

Just as you thought, Robin and Austin hit it off. The two ended up talking for the rest of the night, even earning a few glares from other people in the crowd whenever their laughter got too boisterous to be considered polite. After closing out your tabs Robin parted ways with the two of you, quickly slipping his home phone number into Austin’s palm, which had been scribbled on the back of his receipt. 

You had wanted to congratulate the boys for putting on a good show, but everyone had jumped off the stage and headed straight to the overcrowded bar for drinks after their set. Everyone aside from Davie, who was busying himself with a group of cute girls that had been eying him all night. 

“Come on. It’s gettin’ late. . . let’s get ya home.” 

Austin was acting weirder than usual tonight. Sure, this particular bar wasn’t the safest place to frequent, but his earlier treatment of Robin was an overreaction. Your best friend had a bad habit of babying you far too often. He made excuses for it- telling you that the world was a rotten place and that he didn’t mind looking out for you. It had been something that you appreciated through high school, but now that you were an adult it made you feel. . . a bit too spoiled. It also blurred certain boundaries, which further confused your already suffering heart. If only Austin knew how you felt towards him, then maybe he’d start acting a bit differently with you. 

Yet here he was, opening up the door to his van for you with a broad smile that made your heart do somersaults. You wanted to blame the heat that was pooling in the pit of your stomach on the five beers you’d drank that night. You wanted so badly to blame all of this on your recent drought in romance. . . but it’s Austin. 

No one has ever treated you as gently as he has.

Men, your father included, had always acted like your wants and needs were an inconvenience. You were too “high maintenance” because you enjoyed spending quality time with your partners. Relationships have always been short lived for you. Austin had set an impossible standard for how you wanted to be treated. Even now he was chatting your head off, one hand on the wheel and the other hand mindlessly checking to see if your seatbelt was buckled, his fingers brushing against your hip as he gave it a testing tug. 

Being around him right now was dangerous. You weren’t drunk enough to make a fool of yourself, but tipsy to the point of possibly ruining everything. Because he looked beautiful in the dim lighting of the car's display. His jawline was even more defined due to the shadows, and his blonde hair looked even lighter in comparison than usual. It was longer than you’d ever seen it, falling in slight waves because of the spring humidity. 

And you really wanted to kiss him. 

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[docholligay]

Sing Her Down By Ivy Pochoda

the pitch: I started reading this, as I start to read many things, because it was available from the library when I wanted my next book. But I do read the blurbs and stuff before settling on one, and with this sentence, I was intrigued. For myself, but also for you: "No Country for Old Men meets Killing Eve in this gritty, feminist Western thriller."

Like, GIRL.

So I started reading, and within the prologue and about five pages into the first chapter, I knew I would tell you about it. The prose and character voice immediately pop. "Oh yeah, I'm on my way to places Doc will want to visit." Not just with the themes, but the way the author writes reminds me not unlike your own work. She has this beautiful way of weaving metaphors into the narration that amplify tone and mood, it immediately put me in the mind of your writing style. I usually wait until I'm done with something before I rec it to you. Not so here.

"Gripping and immersive, Sing Her Down is a spellbinding thriller setting two indelible women on a path to certain destruction and an epic, stunning showdown."

I mean, COME ON.

Non-spoilery: I’m not even sure if I liked this book but I really appreciated it. It’s an almost-modern-Western (though i would not quite call it that myself) that takes on the idea of victimhood and villainy and obsession, and being tied together. I loved its air of inevitability. I think it wanted for a little editing--I found myself wishing it had been rewritten. It reads like draft four. It’s good! But it could have been great, and unlike a lot of the time, I have the sense the author could have gotten herself there without too much trouble. But it has a really intriguing framing device that i LOVE, and fabulous narrative voice. (big compliment to say it reminds you of my work. I’m not sure I live up to it)  Not a waste of time for sure.  

I’ll leave the non-spoilery section with a quote i loved: “Like there’s no space for regret and power in the same body. Like these two things can’t cohabitate.” 

Spoilery: 

What a weird book (complimentary). I’m not sure I could ever explain to someone what its about in a way that really conveys the experience of reading it. In short, its about two women who are on their way to an inevitable showdown, and one of them at least must die. There is no evading this. They are as intertwined as the gunman and the outlaw in a Louis L’Amour bit. And the book makes no bones about this. 

Actually, the back of the book calls this “No Country for Old Men meets Killing Eve” and you know part of the reason I hate that fucking “blank meets blank” shit is it’s so often incorrect. This book owes a much greater debt to the ‘gritty’ pulp Westerns of the 70s and 80s than it does No Country. There are two women like in Killing Eve I guess, but Dios wanting to kill Florida, wanting to make Florida kill, has nothing to do with desire, and Florida is mostly a woman trying to escape. Florida is a coward in the face of action, in the face of even recognizing who she is, she sees herself as an innocent flower and not the killer she is, and not even in a cool way just in a way tht manages to dodge all accountability. 

Loved Kace! She is both character and framing device and honestly she is the only likeable one. If you go into this expecting to take either Dios or Florida’s ‘side’ you are going to be very disappointed because they both suck utterly. They are both fundamentally broken human beings. There is something WRONG with them. It’s not “what did society do to me” so much as Dios needs Florida to realize that, just like Dios, she is a wolf born into a world of dogs. She needs Florida to cop to that. They are Born Bad. 

But anyway Kace is the exception to all this, despite being 1000% certifiably crazy, she fels like the only fucking reliable person in the whole book. As readers, we trust her more than anyone, and the ways that happen unfold over the course of the book, we realize she thinks she can hear ghosts, or she actually hears them, depending on your take. Some of the best lines, including the one I put above, come from her. She, despite being, like I say, NUTS, is the only character who seems to have self-reflection. And I love that! I love that our trusted character, the one who seems to own up to it all and do what she can with where she’s at, is someone who, in the earliest parts of the novel, seems like your standard crazy burnout. It lets US reevaluate what ‘crazy’ looks like, especially contrasted with Florida. 

Lobos is such a waste in this book that I damn near forgot she was in it. Pochoda never goes far enough with her, and I think the book would be massively improved by either cutting her completely or actually fleshing her out to fully decide what sort of story you want to tell with her. This half-baked thing going on with her is actually my strongest criticism of the novel. 

ANYWAY, the point of these is that I don’t have to write god’s most perfect review, so I’ll let myself stop, but yeah, I think it’s a really fun, very fast read.

[captainfern]

fern wtf do you listen to when you write smut? I'm like a doc page into my fic but I'm spending more time trying to find a good playlist.

Help a girlie out please 😔🙏

nothing specific usually, but i will listen to some meghan and city girls if i’m needing some hot girl music LMAO

otherwise just 80s and 90s r&b and grunge lol

[missanthropicprinciple]

scrunchy nylon jacket, marithé + françois girbaud

rayon and mohair tank, poleci

rayon and linen skirt, skies are blue

handcrafted bronze gundestrup cauldron cernunnos pendant by vis a vis jewelry, woven necklace made by me

Specific fashion goal achieved! A few weeks ago I was reminded of one of my favorite old magazines from my teen years; the October 1999 issue of YM (Young and Modern). I was just 13 and was cycling around the block. It had been raining a bit and I remember the street was still wet and gravely. As I rounded the bend I saw a magazine sitting in a slumped, tented position on the road near the curb. Someone had evidently dropped it getting in or out of their car. I picked it up. Realizing it was mostly intact, though wet and stuck with pebbles, I held onto it, finished my turn around the block and snuck it into the house and into the chasm of my tiny bedroom. I eventually cut it up, kept one page folded up in my purse for years, and stuck parts of it into a scrapbook. Many years later I bought an unblemished copy for scanning. Also at random more recently, I decided to go on a hunt for some of the pieces in my fave photo shoot. Surprisingly, I found two of them.

The scrunchy nylon jacket from Marithé + François Girbaud was originally priced at $112 and I paid $182. It was a little steep, but it is a vintage late 90s piece, pre-revival of the brand. The seller listed it as being from the 80s but the exact design is from 1999. As much as I wanted the grey color I really love the black edition as it goes great with pretty much everything I own. Machine wash cold, tumble dry low. Wuuuut? So great. I was very lucky to find the unique rayon and mohair tank from Poleci. Original list price was $76 and I only paid $21. It fits me and has a great cut. Really the center of the outfit! Only downside is that it’s dry-clean only.

I wasn’t able to find the $72 skirt from Cubika (incidentally there’s a toy company by the same name) but I found a lovely rayon and linen skirt from Skies are Blue (new with tags). The original price was about $60 and I paid $29. It’s a different cut but I think it actually looks cuter, especially as the top part of the skirt is very similar to the Cubika one so it has the same look and line as the outfit in the magazine. Machine wash cold and tumble dry low which is very convenient.

I couldn’t find the exact $45 necklace from Dogearred so I added one of my own pieces. I bought a handcrafted bronze pendant featuring a replica of the depiction of Cernunnos on the Gundestrup Cauldron by Vis a Vis Jewelry for $90 and I made the woven necklace myself with cotton cord from Maine Thread. I’m not really into the tall boots so I would pair this look with Docs or leather sandals. In the end I paid more than the original look but two of these were 25 year old designer pieces and the pendant is something that I got long before I put this outfit together. Plus my jewelry wasn’t emulating the one in the mag; if I had gotten an actual piece from Dogearred it would have cost me a lot less. All in all, this is exactly what I wanted it to look like. It wasn’t my goal to look the way the model does - the goal was to look like me in that outfit. It works for me in a different kind of way, with my hair and my vibe. I love it.