#ANYWAY. sorry for ranting in the tags of your ask
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le-velo-pour-dru · 1 year ago
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IM SORRY ABOUT BAD NIGHT ANXIETY I AM GIVING YOU ALL THE HUGS :[
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THANK YOU PETE :( 🩷 I'm just. augh. all anxious rn </3 So I really appreciate the support 💖
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babygirlkaeya · 3 months ago
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To put it in terms that purist ragbros enjoyers will understand:
If you hate on kaeluc shippers who ship them through the chinese context of sworn brothers, you're racist.
Like, sorry that you just can't grasp the fact that a ship that exists through the context of clear and cut cultural history because you can't pull off the westernized lens that it's been filtered through for your understanding, but to claim that an entire group in a fandom that is separated by race, region, and language must be wrong about the game that is from their country and natively in their language is racist.
ragbros enjoyers who dgaf are real ones. People who are uncomfortable kaeluc because it's not their preference are valid, but we really gotta stop with the whole kaeluc dni when it's really just a thinly veiled movement to ostracize people based on a long passed misunderstanding. If you don't like the ship, just ignore it and move on. People will spin romantic context out of any non-romantic pairing, but for some reason people find the most issue with it for kaeluc and find the need to blast 'kaeluc dni' everywhere instead of curating their own space correctly???
What are you classifying as an interaction; do people think kaeluc shippers are inherently evil and liking your posts is a terrible thing to do?? Sure, people coming into your space and spinning romantic context on something you didn't Intend to be romantic sucks, but trust me, those people are not checking your bio to see if you asked for them to dni with you; use the damn mute feature/block button if they make you uncomfortable.
And kaeluc shippers who Do ship them incestuously are in the same boat with sworn brothers shippers either way, outsiders view you all the same.
Fandom people have got to learn how to come to terms with people disagreeing with their views without being assholes about it, and doing some proper fucking research if they want to make a point.
"But I'm Chinese/my Chinese friend/significant other/family said--" Being a certain race doesn't make you an expert on its culture, especially considering the nuance of pre-existing prejudices (and let's not get into ABCs with their flawed judgements right now), but there are stories dating hundreds of years past the existence of the United States on what the sworn brothers trope is, what characters are used for it, what it means, and there's plenty of information out there to explain it.
It is unmistakable what their relationship is currently, based on existing canon content in Chinese. English mis-translation is a bane upon us all.
实在受不了这个情况。
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YESSS YESS EXACTLY
and to add on; i think the only reason hoyo hasnt "fixed" the mistranslation yet is because, within the sworn brothers trope, it was used for censorship, it was used to Censor Gay Relationships, so i think the "oh its just adopted haha!" bit on hoyo's part is continuing to just censor it further so they don't get in trouble
^and thats really all the discourse boils down to.
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grossdyke · 9 months ago
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One thing i find so interesting about feminism today is it’s like you can’t even say women are victims anymore. you say women are abused by men and people scream their heads off about how men can be victims and suddenly without anyone realizing the narrative shifted and now women are not allowed to be the oppressed minority anymore bc everyone will try to explain it away. it’s all white women tears or rich women etc. so people act like you’re Insane for saying maybe we should look out for celebrity women lol
!!!!!!!! ive been saying
it’s so fucking depressing!!! it’s like the whole amber heard thing all over again. people see it trending on tiktok that now we’re all supposed to hate her so that’s what im gonna do Lol 😝😝 without even reading up on the case and forming YOUR OWN OPINION ???? like what are we DOING !!!!! and like especially with these people who came crawling back saying like wahhh i take it all back i was just following the hype / i support amber heard now 😞 IDGAF !!!!! like you actively joined a movement that literally bullied a victim to domestic abuse. all because you couldn’t take the time to read up on the whole thing and form your own opinion ?? yall were THAT ready bully and laugh and point your fingers at a woman .. yall are not seeing heaven .
and like people just. do that. and it’s the same thing with the chappel roan situation. people aren’t paying real attention to what she’s saying and then there’s a whole hive of people ganging up on her and people get on that shit without even forming their own opinion on the matter. YALL JUST HATE WOMEN !!! how do you guys not SEE THIS PATTERN !!! a woman (celebrity) is celebrated for a while until it reaches some sort of peak and then everyone is turning on her all at once ???? it happens ALWAYS??? and it is not fucking lost on me that both amber heard and chappel roan are queer women lmao. like yeah people hate on other female celebrities too but not to this fucking degree
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residentialsinyomakai · 5 months ago
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Yokai to Human Form Tidbit
Ok so there's human designs/ forms for Caspian's yokai friends 1, for fun, and 2, cause there's some situations where it's convenient/just better to have some in human forms (EX: Whisper coming to Caspian's choir concerts and conferences bc his parents are. fairly absent). Everyone has their own opinions on it and stuff and in this post I'ma talk about Baddinyan's!!
So fun little fact he does Not Like being human. This is mostly for body dysphoria adjacent feelings, like all of a sudden he has different hair, no fur, different ear placement, etc. The 'phantom limb' thing tends to happen with his tails, too, which is trippy and kinda uncomfortable. He also hates that a lot of his senses are dulled. smell, hearing, sight (especially in the dark), it makes everything feel kinda hazy and causes him to be a lot more stressed about everything.
Idk maybe I just think it's kinda funny to see a character thrown into a whole new form and reasonably be like. what. the hell this sucks. His easygoing (nice way of me saying his lazy ahh) and usually pretty chill/surprisingly level-headed mood is def worsened when he's constantly feeling skin that doesn't technically belong to him. A form he shouldn't really have.
As a result, he's oftentimes irritable and anxious in this form, with some days being better than others. He typically avoids having to use it unless he needs to though, and refuses to take his glasses off for anything. Has to be bribed with a Chocobar to enma forbid go out in public. He's also less used to it than most due to his extreme aversion to it. He just hates it and everything is physically gross and cloudy and nothing's in the right place and he can't explain why.
Badude, on the other hand, doesn't mind being human! It feels more similar to his body than it does for Baddinyan, and is kind of a fun change of pace every now and then. He's Baddinyan's like. closest friend besides Caspian in this AU, so he's typically who's convincing him to not kill everyone in the room and/or take off the stupid leaf in public lol. Their convos can sometimes go like
"C'mon, it's just until we get outta the store. Don't get your non-existent tails in a twist-"
"Shut up and do nyot remind me right nyeow."
"(Oh it's like. that kind of day whoopsies) Mbmb, we can ditch these nerds and go look at the candy isle or somethin' for a bit..?"
He stinks at comforting people or anything like that but tries. Sometimes. idiots
I'm working on references, but all I have to say about their designs for now is vitiligo Black-Mexican Baddinyan and Mexican-Japanese Badude CANON!!! See you for now! :) Have a radtastical day out there, don't implode or get rocks thrown into your inbox!! (again for some of you...)
#hahhhhhh guess who had to rewrite this cuz i accidently posted it to a community and deleted it without thinking without pasting it into my#doc for rants? meee...wahaha.......#sorry to be a bit of a downer lately about stuff like this especially in tags!! but sometimes i wonder if there's someone or something out#there that really doesn't like my stories and stuff cause it keeps getting deleted ;=u=#not that it matters too much but it's been making me pretty sad recently dsmcfjdekope but anyways omg what am i doing#I'm gonna make myself some hot choco and rewrite this! better!! then I'll watch yokai watch >:) we got this yall <333#pretty much end of rewriting this yomakai here!! Maybe it's projection but I. can't see most of the characters on my team as lightskinned#explodes I love YAPPING!!! Also I'm in a far better mood now wahahaugh!!#Baddinyan#●posts from yomakai#□ yolo watch 2!#♤ resident rambles#I love aus#so murhcsdd.ed.......#always ask me questions about it alwsays btw. will yap about them anytime#OH!! IF I HAVENT RESPONDED TO YOUR MESSAGE SORRY!!!#I've been a bit preoccupied with working on au stuff like this and or trying not to stress over Big Thing tomorrow that might be fun tho!!#Love yall and goodbye as I said previously. thank you for reading my asinine ramblings as usual!! ^u^#Oml forgot to mention#black mexican baddinyan is based off my hc for jibanyan being blk/jp and roughraff being mex/jp#Mixed characters my beloved#I speak in the tags what I fear in the post/lh/hj
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shaissa · 4 months ago
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I don't read a lot of yellow jackets fanfic but I'm so surprised Tai/Shauna isn't more popular, they're literally so !!!! Anyway I'm glad there's someone else who likes them and here's to hoping we get more of them interacting in season 3
Yesss i love them so much <3
i honestly haven’t read much yellowjackets fic either but i am slowly going through the tai/shauna ones.
Before i got into the show i barely saw anything about them and so when i immediately got hooked on them early s1 i was surprised that more people aren’t as insane about them as I am. Hands down my favorite dynamic AND ship in the entire show <3
Also sooo true about s3 i have been feeling the drought </3 the last episode was so fun for me personally to have their teen selves interacting so much. But i really need adult tai and shauna to reunite, like i am begging at this point. They had like 2 scenes in the first episode and then the smallest crumb ever with shauna calling tai before she called misty but Taissa didn’t pick up </3
Come back to me s1 adult tai/shauna relationship pleaseee
I love finding other people who love them too btw so glad you do too <3
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smolestboop · 6 months ago
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the only time I genuinely used chatgpt was making my resignation letter to my shit ass job. the level of idgaf to this job is when you use ai on them.
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sunsetcorvid · 2 days ago
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genuinely been really wanting to get into music composition but it's one of those things that i've never fully learned and that everyone who actually does it has just been doing it since a young age and knows more things which. yknow is normal.
the Want to learn music and the Fear of Fucking It All Up Somehow
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if dorian didn't show up, do you think louis would have shot minnie?
I do. I know some people think either he wouldn't have or he would've missed so that's why the writers had him shoot Dorian instead, but mmmmmm no, I don't personally think so. I like to think that if he had taken the shot, his shaky hands would've caused him to shoot her fatally.
Mostly because I'm already so normal about the fact that of the Ericson crew, Marlon and Louis are the only ones with a body count. Well, that we know of, but shown to us in the game, at least. Plus, we know it's Louis' first kill.
Like yeah, Clementine and AJ become part of the crew and they have bigger body counts, and if we're counting indirect kills caused by actions, then Tenn has a count... and I guess everyone has blood on their hands for blowing up the boat... but I'm talking about killed directly with a weapon like....... I lied, I'm not normal about that at all, Louis and Marlon are the ones who have killed someone in Louis' route. I'm also not normal about the fact that Louis kills Dorian and then even as he's clearly in shock, he tries to go with Clementine to get AJ, and then later on when they talk about it, he says it feels like bile but not quite and he's glad he has it in him to do it.... listen, listen, listen... I'm obsessed with that.
Anyway, so if Louis shot Minerva, I think he would've accidentally killed her and can you imagine? He's already enough of a mess after killing the woman who pinned him down and tried to cut his finger off [or succeeded] but he knew Minerva, they were friends before the twins were taken. Even Violet couldn't kill her even though that would've been the smarter thing to do, and we know thanks to meta knowledge that killing her would've saved lives, but Violet couldn't, and I don't think Louis would intentionally either.
Speaking of Violet, if Louis killed Minerva, I hate to think about what that would've done to Vi. I think she might've actually left at that point, like what was planned before it got changed to her being burned. I don't think she would've attacked Louis over it, though, like yeah she attacked Clementine in the cell but Louis? I don't know, but I don't think so just because it's Louis and he'd be a mess about it anyway.
Though if he did kill her, it would be a neat parallel to draw... y'know, because Louis forgave AJ for killing Marlon even though he was pissed and heartbroken, and Violet was annoyed with him the entire time... but could she ever forgive Louis for killing Minerva? Y'know? We already have a similar parallel with AJ shooting Tenn, but still.
If Clementine killed Minerva in that moment, though, then I could see Violet attacking her since in her eyes, Clem proved her right.
So yeah, I get why they added the Dorian kill to his route. It adds another compelling element to Louis as a character, but we also need Minerva alive for episode 4; Louis can't kill her, he can't miss, and he's not going to stay with her because we need Violet to stay on the boat and him to be on shore for all routes.
#asks#twdg louis#twdg minerva#twdg clementine#twdg violet#twdg marlon#twdg tenn#honestly whenever i see someone say louis is the boring option i'm just like '.......that's your opinion but also how can you say that??'#then again i'm sure other people look at me saying violentine just isn't for me and they say the same thing so y'know... i can't talk haha#also time is such a weird thing because i look at the entire cell scene in louis' route and like... i'm not even mad about violet anymore#like yeah i still don't believe she was brainwashed like i'm sorry y'all only believe that because kent said something about it#not because there's all this evidence toward it in game like vi being pissed at clementine makes sense she doesn't need to be brainwashed#for it to work like her being vulnerable and easily manipulated into submission makes perfect sense especially with minerva there#it's like everyone was pissed that she attacked clementine and people needed a way to excuse it so it's not violet's fault when like...#that's literally what makes it interesting like calm down it's okay if violet is pissed and scared and behaves accordingly#also my controversial opinion of the day that i'll hide here in the tags so maybe people won't find it sksksk but#I personally find the concept of vinerva and the doomed tragedy of it more compelling than anything violentine did#like i'll defend violentine and i do believe it's an important and good ship it's just not my personal favorite#anyway but then the whole thing with lilly and minerva is so good and louis screaming FUCK YOU at minerva?? amazing love it so good#i love when the soft character who never chooses violence is so pissed off that all that anger they have boils to the surface and it's raw#like... he's SO mad he's SO furious he's SOOO UPSET like he wasn't even like this when marlon died or anything like he hit his limit#and then shooting dorian through the mouth while an accident is just well done i love it and i love his reaction of mortification#and apologizing and YET he still tries to go with clementine he's trembling and can barely string together a sentence but he wants to go#he wants to help her he wants to save aj THAT is the gut reaction he has after everything that just went down#'louis isn't loyal or good for clem because of the vote' babe tell me you don't understand any nuance of louis' character without telling m#it's fine IT'S FINE you don't have to agree and i just have to remind myself that it's fine not everyone likes louis we're okay#this drives me crazy in the best way like y'know what? i love the cells scene in louis' route all of it even the stuff i used to rant about#even the stuff that used to piss me off now i'm just like 'no wait past cj was dumb she wasn't looking at it this way aaaaaaaa' sksksks#that was my tag ted talk about the cell scene thank you
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gingerjolover · 1 year ago
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for all my hotties requesting masc!reader, imma feed you but i need yall to be sooooo honest because i am so painfully fem — i need to do it justice so pls if anyone has tips or advice or would like to give feedback, i am open and willing
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some-mari-thoughts · 1 year ago
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What do you make of the idea of Blackspace kinda fusing with Hellmari after a post-good ending Omori gave her true life, therefore making her the entire realm by technicality? Omori would do that cuz he needs something to kinda fill the void that appeared when Sunny left and he's getting desperate after not finding anything in Headspace to do that...
(woooooooooo explaining my omori au lore-)
Truthfully this is so wildly different to my idea of headspace and omori and after-good ending that i cannot make anything of this! i think that's up to u to decide
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#they kinda have to coexist anyway in my head#yes they had a big ass fight abt things and sunny's headspace is kinda all crumpled once again and white space is emptier than ever#omori's still the inner 12 y o kid who is also the anxiety and escapism and so many things and he isn't going anywhere immediately#so they do have to work together and fill it w new things. make smth of it and make it comfortable again in a better way#idk we're not letting the nightmares fester#your story is yours though its just so different from mine that it feels like a string of words that i can't tie togetjher#in a way that makes sense at least#so here you know your story best#also pleas#if u wanna put smth that u made and make me see it please let it be related to me and my blog in my inbox#i WILL spit my hcs and story at u if u put unrelated things here#i don't have the responsibility to react to Your omori content that i did not sign up or ask to see!#that's almost your own post material. let me come across it in the tag when i want to see it#and if i don't it was not meant to be#its an honor to receive your omori art of mari btw if u do put it here. just make sure it's not a constant and rather an occasion#cannot publish your omocontent for you#sorry for the tag rant its offtopic from the post#i do get severe urge to ignore/delete asks that seem wholly unrelated to my blog or a fully cooked personal omori post#and not an ask to tumblr user some mari thoughts who makes art and posts hcs and shares some art sometimes#OMORI Sunny#OMORI character#Knife boi#Son boi#my doodles
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monstersinthecosmos · 11 months ago
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i feel like slightly younger than marius mael is the best just for flavor reasons lol. reeaally curious to know what you think
I think I usually land on slightly younger but not like a baby. Like early 30s maybe. BUT I'LL TELL YOU SOME THOUGHTS OF WHY I LIKE EACH OR WHY EACH COULD WORK:
Under 30: First of all because of Jesse's chapter in QOTD--Maharet was turned around age 20 I think? And for Jesse, I'm sure there's that sort of uncanny thing where your mind fills in blanks and makes excuses, like, her "aunt" has been around her whole life so like gee golly I guess she just looks young for her age! Except that there's like the vampire uncanniness too, so whatever you judge as an age doesn't super matter. So like, Mael blending in as one of her guy friends in his early 20s would make sense. Jesse DOES also clock him as not being human, so again I think the uncanniness might not make her peg either of them as a certain age.
I do worry if this clashes with the idea that he could properly be a priest? Caesar said that it takes 20 years to train a priest, but A) A lot of what Caesar said is like anti-Keltoi propaganda and might not be accurate since the Druids famously never left anything in writing, so there's very little first hand information about them. B) MAYBE IT'S OKAY BECUASE IN VC-VERSE TESKHAMEN IS REAL AND MAEL WAS REALLY COMMUNING WITH HIM SO IF THERE WAS LIKE MAGIC AFOOT IN THE COMMUNITY MAYBE HE GOT FAST TRACKED OR RESPECTED AS BEING SPECIAL IDK. I can work with it and make excuses lol.
I LOVE the idea of him being like a young man because of how much madder that would make Marius, plus the way he likes to mentor young blonde men lol. But it might like hurt him even worse if the author of all his misfortunate is like SOME KID.
In his 30s: Personally I usually land here because I DO wonder how long it takes him to gain status in his community and become a priest (in his 30s is still fast tracking it but maybe feels more plausible LOL) and I enjoy the idea of he and Marius being sort of similar to each other. Like, Marius often gets used as the example of Turning an Older Guy and what it means for his temperament and the way it translates to his immortality. I like imagining Mael as around Marius's age for that reason, like I want to remove all his excuses why Mael is a young stupid kid or even an old salty jerk--it forces Marius to confront that Mael is ALSO someone who is chill and smart and has had enough life experience. BUT WHILE THERE'S A WINDOW WHERE THEY COULD BE SIMILAR IN AGE, OR MAEL COULD BE A TAD OLDER, I ALSO STILL ENJOY MARIUS BEING LIKE "HE'S YOUNGER THAN ME I HATE THIS!" BECAUSE HIS AGE AND SELF-PERCEIVED WISDOM & EXPERIENCE ARE IMPORTANT TO HIS IDENTITY AND HE FEELS BELITTED LOL.
In his 40s: Makes sense for the above reason! But I like to skew younger personally just for the Marius ageism dynamic lol. Also there's something about him being a foil to Marius where like, if they're very similar in other ways it can kind of emphasize how their atheism/religion contrasts each other and affects them as people.
Over 50: ALSO POSSIBLE and it's hilarious bc in the audiobook the narrator reads him like such a grouchy old man lmao. I could see this causing a lot of resentment because Marius likes to be the oldest and wisest in the room. I could see him also being younger because Marius insults him every chance he gets and I just think he would've told us that Mael is like an old hag if it were true lol. Anyway wondering how this effects Marius's barbarian kink and how he submits to men.
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vaguehotels · 1 year ago
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had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what
#lolaa.txt#what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa#also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men#and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man#so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face#that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin#you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to#never really have#im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are#if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box#then when would you have any space for self discovery#youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats#and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names#and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy#and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia#tw transphobes
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wutheringmights · 2 years ago
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what is wars diagnosed with. I know he has them I just don't know which ones.
I would prefer if we didn't pathologize Warriors
#I neither have the knowledge to diagnose him nor care to do so#on one hand i think people that try to diagnose characters are often applying harmful stereotypes to people with real disorders#on the other i think trying to diagnose Warriors is missing the point of his character entirely#I don't want anyone deciding that he's like this because he has X because then it's too easy to decide that you're nothing like him because#you too don't have X. like that's missing the whole point of feeling sympathy or anger towards a bastard of a character#and like listen anon. you didn't ask for this lecture (one I should definitely be putting in the actual message and not leave in the tags)#and in theory anon you can do what you want and i can't stop you. death of the author and all that#but while i'm here I'll also say this: none of you better be out here diagnosing wars with low empathy because I write him like he#is empathetic. if i was writing a character with low to no empathy you will know. why? because your author (me) has low empathy#I'll spare you my rant about that but i keep putting off a character moment where i was going to establish that a character we know is a#good person discusses how they have low empathy because it's really important to me that people understand that your ability to be#empathetic doesn't make you a good or bad person. you just have trouble identifying when you need to show sympathy. that's it.#anyway sorry to make an example of you anon. i'm sure you were trying to make a joke but you accidentally hit a button that reminded me of#my real sensitive button gosh#me rambling#lu ctb#ask#anonymous#anyway add 'Frankie has low empathy' to your trivia about me
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fivefeetfangirl · 2 years ago
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'Babe are you okay you haven't done your 91w posting today'
HSJDHSJDH NOO 😭😭😭😭😭
my phone shut down and wont work so i spent the whole day in the car NOT reading 91w like i wanted to. im not kidding i spent almost 10 hours in a car WITHOUT 91W!!! my hands are shaking i need to read
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sadthixx · 2 months ago
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sorry for this rant, i have something to say.
so recently... i've been getting anonymous asks using the same "Hello wonderful souls! 🌿🕊️" script about donating to a specific user at the bottom. i've seen some not even mentioning where it's donating to, but my instincts have always been telling me that it's a scam.
i'm leaving my anonymous asks on for a moment longer, to collect evidence and to show you all what i mean. i used to have screenshots, but i've unfortunately deleted them. if you have a message that has that line or something similar mentioned above, please reblog this post with a screenshot attached.
i've been getting these spammed messages in my inbox nonstop, after stating on my profile that i'm not doing anything political on my main and other blogs for the sake of my mental health. there's many political things going on and it's sickening, and i no longer want to keep up with politics any more.
i literally have no money control over this. i, for the sake of all things, can't donate to anything. i have $2 in my bank account, i need it for keeping my money at the threshold. i can't risk going into the negatives again.
i've been deleting these messages with no hope of them stopping. once i gather the screenshots needed on my end, i will make a separate post on it.
anonymous asks, after posting this, is going to be on the part where i don't answer questions from because of this recent influx of these bots/scammers.
by the time of posting this, the scammer may have already changed tactics and would still find a way to make themselves up to scam you. don't fucking trust them.
If you ever get a message with a ton of emojis, weird typing, and practically looks like someone took the time to decorate a plea for help... is it even a plea for help? Always trust your instincts. Delete, block, report for spam, whatever you can do to get them to stop.
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avixthecat · 7 months ago
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i have a really bad memory. there are so many things i cannot remember without a guide. i love to keep pictures and drawings and relics of things, even simple things, like the night sky in a photograph or a neat leaf pressed and taped in a notebook. because otherwise i'll forget that the moment happened! i don't remember what savanah looked like. i dont even remember if that's how her name is spelled. i barely remember anything about rory and i only remember anything because of a photo and a card from her i still have. i don't remember what axis used to look like before this year outside of a single picture i have on a shelf. i don't remember what my old cat sebastian sounded like or how his fur felt. i don't even remember most of my own damn childhood. it's not like i had a boring childhood! i didn't! i had an amazing childhood where i was loved and i did awesome things and i cant remember it all. i went to disney world one year and i don't remember anything about it except for the fact it happened! and so i love to take pictures of everything that makes me happy and i want to capture as many moments as i can so i don't inevitably forget as i always do, always will, always have. my cat lucy? even if its the same pose, i want a picture of it for the 70th time. my birds? could you even understand the pain of losing a bird you gave your heart to, a bird who was pulling you out of the trenches of depression, and then having only two photos, two memories of it? i want these pictures so i'll never forget again. and yet. i don't like it when pictures are taken of me. because i am in a period of my life i don't want to remember. and people are so cruel and ignorant of this. even my own mother who feels exactly the same! she demands i get pictures and it kills me to see how broken i am in them. i don't want to remember that! and they'll never listen. i get it, you want to remember me as i am, but this isn't the me i want to be remembered. why do others deserve to be treated as they do but i do not? my mother, i oblige, i stand back from photographing her because she doesnt wish to remember herself as is. but she will never fulfill the wish from my end.
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