#All four of them have had contests to see who can steal the most stuff without getting caught

[kennys-parka-jacket]

Last post got me thinking. It's the most random thing to make headcanons on, but it got me thinking

[foolishwriting]

A/n: the perspectives for the first few chapter will likely change, im not quite sure the best perspective to write this in yet so

Chapter 1

“The world has been simplified and dumbed down to keep us pliable and stupid” dad had explained to me. “It isn't as simple as a letter to explain the threat level a single person is. Its like we’re cattle to them, you’re not a cow for sale you understand Sage? Never let the government break you down into something easy to understand, or to boost the egos of the heroes undeserving of their titles. You are a human, a beautiful and complex human.” 

Its a strange lesson to tell your nine year old daughter during a jail call. I love my dad, wouldn't trade him for the world. He’s a petty thief, petty enough to have broken into a heroes headquarters and steal sensitive information about a government project and leak it to the public. Papa has nothing to do with hero business in the slightest, hes a great model and he and dad have never once told me i was wrong for my career path. 

I considered going into hero work in middle school but so did everyone else. I know some of the new heroes, they're the kids who won the popularity contests in middle school and throughout highschool. Half of them never realized their lives would lay in my hands. I'm no hero but i'm certainly your favorite hero's healer they've begged for a quick recovery from after being a prick. I don't take it lightly when a hero, no matter how grand they are, plop themselves down in front of me and are rude and demanding. It might be my job but they can easily go find someone else if they are gonna speak ill of me or any one else. 

My dad’s lesson rings clear in my head now as I watch a vicious battle between a band of four D level heroes against one E level. It’s strange how it's a big deal. They’ll likely get bumped up if they get in a couple more fights with higher level villains like this. The group is the Senses Five, notably they’re fifth and arguably most valuable member, is missing. Theyre what they sound like, a group of teeagers fresh form highschool with powers that fuck up your senses. They work as a great team, managing to disorient and batter in the most unexpected ways. 

Me and a couple of coworkers sit around in the Hero’s Commission HQ’s kitchen in the Healers Wing. its pretty much our normal, lounge around for most of the day until theres a sudden strike of injured heroes then we all shoot into action. Its a pretty solid job, get paid a shit ton to heal the morons who nearly get themselves killed trying to get promoted through a system that's not designed to promote them. Im one of the few who do, i cant anymore, im an S ranked healer, i deal with shit from heroes on their deathbeds to literally dead ones. 

I lucked out in the power department, necromancy, healing, some light manipulation and some minor shit that's not really important to mention. Theres a reason i have the luxury of letting heroes fucking die because their egos have no room to be polite. Not all of them of course, don't get it twisted, I just have a bit of a chip on my shoulder. It's a mixed bag, I happen to work with both the pleasant and the egotistical. 

We all sorta watch the news a little bit dumb founded by the fight being broadcasted. We were about to be seeing all of them soon. The calamity is minimal, buildings damaged that can be easily fixed by any builder, the roads are shattered and cars shredded but there seems to be no civilians in danger. Thank god man. Its awful, a group of us would get sent out with the builders and repair and heal and resurrect if necessary. Its terrible some of the stuff ive seen man, kids, teens, heroes younger than my sister destroyed by a fight they were mislead about, entire city blocks flattened. It isn't pretty. 

“Miss Cyris” Eric said getting everybody's attention “you have a meeting with Mr. Peters” 

“Now?” i ask, i don't remember this being in my schedule for the day let alone the week. 

“In five minutes yes” 

“Why did I not know about this?” i ask

Eric shrugs glancing at his tablet “you should have been aware of this a month in advance” 

Obviously I wasn’t. I sigh and get up taking my lunch with me. The organization and communication around here needs work. Why didn’t anyone tell me when the meeting was booked? I would have put it in my calendar or made a reminder instead of jogging through the halls to Mr . Peters’ office. 

Mr. Peters’ is an ex sidekick to one of the greatest super heroes in history. The Eldritch was, from what i hear, as nice outside the mask as he was in the mask. We never found out his civilian identity but if i had to guess it’s Mr. Peters’ husband and i'm usually right about these things. I've met him, he made me homemade muffins for my birthday last year and made a delicious curry for the office two months ago. The Eldritch was powerful as hell, he could use and pull any power from myth or folklore or fairytale. So you can imagine why he stands as the world’s greatest hero. 

Mr. Peters’ office has trophies,  framed newspaper headlines, photos of himself with the eldritch in their prime and awards hard won. He sits at his desk when he calls me in. hes a furry creature, broad shouldered and sewn into the suit he wears. He looks better in his costume than in a suit sitting in an office job managing healers. He’s a hard worker, that's for sure. He checks his watch.

“Right on time,” he smiles at me softly, “as usual”

I sit down and return the gentle gesture with a smile of my own, “im sorry, i wasn't aware of this meeting”

“I know, i asked Eric not to tell you about it”

“What?” i can’t stop it from slipping out. Mr. Peters has my respect and he’s been nothing but kind to me but what the hell? Why would he want me to not know about this meeting? 

“While we are waiting, how are you?” he asks

“Im ok sir” i say not having much of an answer still trying to figure out what this is about. Waiting for what? Better yet, for who?

“How’s your sister?”

“Oh she’s…” robbed a bank, stole a famous painting, vandalized quite a few monuments, blew up a police station and sprained her wrist. “...doing well” 

“That’s good to hear, I heard rumors of your father getting released?” 

“Yes, he is” i say. Finally after nineteen years in jail for honestly a crime that's greatly exaggerated, he’s coming home. “Two weeks from now dad will be home again.”

I have to keep the childish giddy feeling that flutters in my chest, the nervous wreck of my teenage self and my overjoyed now reigned in. If I don't just talking about it puts me on the verge of tears. He's my dad, he's my dad who I've been seeing through a piece of glass and talking to over hour long calls at a time with men itching to find a reason to cut it short since i was seven. He missed the end of middle school, my high school graduation, the end of my official medical education and he wasn't even allowed out for his mom’s funeral. I'm elated to say the least. 

“I remember your dad in highschool” he says thoughtfully. “We all knew he’d do something stupid one day, but all of us knew he was also harmless” 

I would not describe my dad as harmless per say, he can cause some real damage if he tried, there's a reason he’s in jail. The only crime he committed was i guess treason and like breaking and entering but otherwise the crimes he was nailed with are fabricated. I’m not gonna tell him that though, he is an ex sidekick and a government worker who can easily have any of us investigated.

“I’m glad things are working out for you Sage, you're a good kid” he says, glancing at his watch.

He frowned. Whatever we were waiting for was late. I want to know if i'm right, who it is that’s late and why they're late. Better yet actually, why i wasn't told about this meeting in advance but i have doubts on that being answered. He sighs and looks at me apologetically.

“Im so sorry for the wait” he says

“It’s ok, what is this about?” i ask

“Well as you know there have been some reorganization-”

The door opens and a tall black haired woman stands in the doorway, her chest heaving as she tries to catch her breath. She’s really quite pretty. Shoulder length black hair, pale skin, tattoos up her right arm and on both legs. She seems familiar. No one i've worked with but I'm pretty sure she’s Chameleon. The Chameleon is an S level Sidekick who could easily get through the ranks of Heroism but chooses not to.

“I'm so sorry, got caught up in… traffic” she says, clearing her throat and glancing my way.

“Thank you for finally joining us Kassidy” he says. “Have you two met yet?”

“No sir”

“Not formally no” Kassidy says

We haven’t met at all. Have we? I think we’ve passed each other and just nodded in acknowledgement and that's not even meeting. Otherwise not in the slightest. 

“Sage, this is Kassidy McGarthy, Kassidy this is our best healer Sage Cyris��� 

I nod with an awkward smile stuck to my face. She holds her hand out and I take it. I don't know who she last fought but holy shit. Her side is mostly just on big bruise and the opposite shoulder has certainly seen better days, not to mention a nasty scar from her younger years of fighting and a weird ankle that was reinjured recently, maybe a month or two ago? I can’t help myself, I send a warmth through her to speed up the healing process. She hardly notices.

“Nice to meet you”

“Pleasure” i say shortly

“Joined at the right moment, i was just about to explain to Miss Cyris here what’s going on” Mr. Peters explains. He adjusts slightly before continuing, “as you are both aware, the Hero’s Commission has been making adjustments throughout the all of the sections, one of those changes includes pairing up healers and Sidekicks, we have done so based on skills, ranking and threats” 

I look at Kassidy. She looks unimpressed with the arrangement, her face fixed into a tight frown. The way Sidekicks and Healers are set up is different from each other. Sidekicks are commissioned to work with heroes for a time, like rent a sidekick. Healers are normally in one place, here, and heroes and sidekicks are brought to us or us to them depending on the situation. On a few occasions heroes will hire us as a permanent member of their support team. I tend to be nitpicky about salaries and benefits and all that shit, hence why i'm still with the commission.

“We are doing and official announcement to the entire commission next week, when everyone is no longer set up with a hero” 

“So why are you telling us this then?” Kassidy asks

“Wouldn't it be easier to have us know at the same time as everyone else?” i ask

Mr Peters nods, “you see you two are in a special situation” his hands close together and i notice the stack of files on his desk. There’s four of them. Hes looking at me over the frames of his glasses, i've gotten to it too soon. “There's a contract in the works between us and the some of the great new heroes, in order to give out best healers and sidekicks our best available opportunities, you two have already been assigned, you have the rest of this week to become familiar with each other and” he hands two folder to each of us. The official Hero’s Commission Headquarters stamp sits across the folder with Mr Peters signature on the corner of the stamp. “You will also become familiar with those files, one is the other’s file, the other is the file with all the pertinent information about the hero you are assigned to. Next monday you will be making yourselves at home with their headquarters and familiarize yourselves with the hero in and out of costume in person” 

“I have a question,” i say , skimming over the information in the folder about Kassidy.

“Yes?”

“So instead of having a conversation about things, we just have everything about each other right here?” i ask

He smiles kindly, “private history is not included. i ensured anything you wouldn't want them to know wasn't in there, with that said, there are criminal records, family records, schooling and so on”

I glance at Kassidy who’s looking over the first page about me. I look at Mr Peters, sure my hesitance is clearly written on my face. I can only see this going wrong. My family is reason enough—a villian, a vandal, my own records even—to not want to be associated with me beyond the bare minimum. 

“Any other questions?”

“Yeah, we’re not like, moving into the HQ right? I know sometimes that's a thing” Kassidy asks

“Not unless you and the hero arrange that”

“We’ll be working exclusively with them?”

“Yes”

“Are they paying or is the commission?”

“Commission”

“How long?” i ask

“You two will be working together permanently, with the hero, it will be a year.”

[nofacedpoet]

AWWT | Ch.14: Family

TW: pt.4 of this chapter contains self harm. There is additional spacing before and after this part to make it easier for those that want to quickly scroll to the next part.

(Pt.1)

Three years later….

“Happy fourteenth birthday, you fucking weirdo,” Valentine shoved Ava and she collided into Eren. 

“Ouch,” Ava rubbed her arm. 

“What should we do to celebrate?” Eren asked. “Rob the donut shop or-oh-wait I know. I can steal us some alcohol from—”

“No! Please-God-no,” Ava put her hand up to his face. “I only ask for one day of peace without you and Valentine causing havoc around here.”

Armin giggled. “You’re asking too far much from them.”

Eren sighed and crossed his arms. “No! I can do it,” he carried such little confidence as he glanced over at Valentine for reassurance. She smiled and nodded no. “I don’t know why you’re giving me that look as if you’re not the one that causes most of the chaos!”

“Shut up!” Valentine shoved him. “We all know it’s you,” she said under her breath.

“This!” Ava held her arms out in front of an ice cream shop that had a gigantic ice cream cone on the front. “Is all I want.”

They each got a 6-inch tall ice cream cone and sat on the side of the road as they raced to see who could finish theirs first. Ava got cotton candy and birthday cake, Valentine got chocolate, Eren got strawberries and cream, and Armin got lemon vanilla. Ava took a giant bite of her ice cream and Eren seized the opportunity. He leaned over and barley nudged the bottom of her cone to where the ice cream smooshed into her face. A bit got on her nose and he laughed. 

“Eren!” She wiped it with her sleeve.

“What’d your parents say about you guys sleeping over at my house tonight?” Eren asked as he attempted to lick the side of the cone that dripped with ice cream.

“They were weird about it,” Ava shrugged. “Seemed really uncomfortable about the whole idea, really.”

“I’m not surprised,” Armin said. “Especially since the great disaster.” This is what they called the night in which all of their parents, except Armin’s grandad, freaked out and grounded all of them. 

***

The four of them had originally planned to hang out but Armin and Ava decided that they wanted to do something more “fun”. Which in their opinion, consisted of their usual hobby of reading each other’s favorite books and conversing over the writing techniques, plot, and character analysis. 

“I don’t want to do that boring nerdy stuff,” Eren pouted.

“We’re not asking you to,” Armin said. “And it isn’t nerdy stuff. It’s just interesting—”

“I don’t want to know,” Valentine interrupted. 

“Well fine then,” Ava stood straight up with her hands on her waist. “Why don’t me and Armin hang at his place to do our nerdy stuff and you two can go do whatever weird shit you usually do when we’re not around.”

“We don’t do weird shit!” Eren crossed his arms and scowled.

Armin gave him a look of disbelief. “Spying on your neighbors with a telescope—”

“Or having burping contests,” Ava pinched her nose as she waved her hand out.

“Is weird!” Ava and Armin said at the same time.

Valentine and Eren glanced at one another. “Nah,” they said at the same time.

Ava sighed. “Whatever. If you need us, we’ll be doing nerdy stuff.” She grabbed Armin’s hand and walked off back toward his house. Armin glanced back with a light wave. 

“C’mon, we don’t need them!” Eren snatched Valentine’s hand and stomped off back inside of his house. 

Eren and Valentine played through most of his video games, wrestled one another (Valentine won each match), practiced throwing ice into each others mouths from across the room, made a specialty tea that Eren spat all over Valentine because he began to laugh as soon as he took a giant gulp, (she had to end up changing into one of his wrinkly shirts from his dirty pile because he still hadn’t done his laundry) and afterwords they cooled down with one of their favorite things to do: they took turns reading through their favorite mangas in a tone and voice that they thought fit the characters. It usually ended with them laughing so hard that they couldn’t even continue. And later that night, at about three in the morning, the great disaster took place.

Carla, Eren’s mother, had bursted through Eren’s door as if she was on a heist mission and was appalled at what she walked into. Her eyes widened as her jaw dropped and she gave the biggest gasp of her life. “Eren!” she screamed horrified. 

Valentine and Eren were tangled up in blankets on his bed and completely passed out. Her left arm and leg danged off the edge of the bed as her head rested in a pile of Cool Ranch Doritos, which were Eren’s favorite. Eren laid half way on top her with his face smooshed into her right shoulder and his arm stretched out across her stomach as he drooled onto her. 

“Grounded! Oh, you’re in so much trouble mister! A week! No! Three weeks!” 

“Huh?” Eren opened one eye and slightly moved his head up. “Why are you screaming?” he said annoyed and slightly confused. 

“Hm?” Valentine squinted her eyes open to see Eren’s saliva stretching like a spiderweb from the corner of his mouth onto a small puddle that absorbed into her shirt. “Ew! What the fuck, Eren!” she shoved him so hard that he fell back on the floor. 

While this chaos unleashed, there was another war zone happening at Armin’s house. Unlike Valentine and Eren, Ava and Armin were still awake. They were camping inside of tent in the corner of his room with a starry sky projector. Inside, they squished into the same sleeping bag and whispered back and forth and giggled about certain chapters of the books that they were reading with their tiny flashlights. 

BANG! Armin’s bedroom door slammed open so hard that it nearly cracked the wall behind it. They gasped and both glanced at each other with wide eyes. 

“It’s the alien monster,” Armin trembled as he and Ava squeezed each others hands. The zipper of the tent ripped open to unveil a very upset Mila glaring down at the both of them as if they had done the worst thing in the world. 

“I’m really sorry about that,” Armin’s grandfather could be heard saying from the background. “I assumed it was alright.”

“Really, Ava?” Mila said in the most disappointing tone that Ava had ever heard from her. “And where is Valentine?” She stretched an eyebrow so high that it nearly left her forehead.

Armin and Ava glanced at one another for a long moment. Then Ava slowly moved her gaze back to Mila. “I don’t know,” she answered quietly. 

“Armin,” Mila said.

Armin’s eyes widened but he kept his stare on Ava, who wasn’t even looking at him anymore. “Yes ma’am?” he said politely as he refused to make eye contact.

“Do you know where she is? Or Eren? Are they together?”

Armin began to tremble as he struggled to get his lips to make out a response.

Mila sighed. “I guess I have a pretty good idea where she might be. Let’s go, Ava.”

When they reached Eren’s house, it only got weirder. Mila put her hands on her head as she stared at Eren’s shirt that Valentine wore. “Oh my God,” she walked off with Carla and they both whispered back and forth in the corner as they shook their heads and occasionally glanced back at them.

“It’s just a shirt,” Eren mumbled. “What the hell is going on?” He scratched his head.

“So how long do you think this time?” Ava said exhausted.

“Three weeks,” Valentine said. “We’re definitely all grounded for three weeks.”

***

“I still don’t understand why we were in so much trouble that night.” Armin shook his head. “I mean, I get that we didn’t explain to any of them that we split plans but was it really worth the freak out and drama?” 

“If we’re going to get yelled at and grounded, they should at least tell us what we did that was so forbidden!” Eren said annoyed.

“Parents are so weird.” Ava giggled. “Anyways, they eventually did say yes to tonight.”

“What?!” Armin screamed. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Valentine said. “They just want to have a talk with Eren’s parents and your grandad to ensure that we’re all going to be in the same place.”

Eren rolled his eyes. “My parents also want to talk to them first. And they made it a rule that we all have to sleep in the living room,” he sighed. “I cleaned my entire room for no reason!”

Armin shrugged. “At least we get to have another sleepover together. I thought they’d never allow us again.”

//

Later that night…

They made an entire fort in the center of Eren’s living room with blankets and sheets with pillows inside. Snacks scattered everywhere as they sat in a circle and  prepared for the long awaited birthday finale, the gift exchange. 

“Alright, mine first!” Eren slammed his gift in front of Ava. It looked like a crumbled up paper ball. Ava was certain that it was another joke of his and that there was nothing in there at all. Last year, he claimed that his present was his friendship.

“Hm. I wonder.” Ava began to tear through it. There was a small 2x2 black box in the center of all the wrinkly paper but still, she was certain it was nothing. She shook it a few times and could hear something hitting the edge of the box. She gasped and her eyes lit up. “You actually got me something?” 

Eren crossed his arms. “It’s not anything crazy, so don’t get your hopes up.”

She paused for a moment as she glanced at the box as if her life would never be the same after she opened it. Then, she hesitantly slid the top lid off. Her eyes widened as her lips slowly parted. Eren refused to watch and instead stared off into the other direction. 

“Well what is it?” Valentine asked. Armin leaned over and gasped.

“It-” Ava’s eyes watered. “It’s the necklace.” She slowly moved her gaze up to Eren, who was still staring off into nothing. “Eren,” she said in a somewhat serious tone. “Why did you get this?”

Ava had wanted this necklace for months. Every time they walked down Shop Avenue, she’d always stop by this one shop just to stare at it through a small glass case. She knew that she could never afford it but just seeing it was enough for her. It was a four petal flower that had a different colored gem on each petal. Each one reminded her of each of them. The yellow was Armin due to his soft and warm nature. The red was Eren due to his passionate rage. The green was Valentine due to her explorations. The pink represented Ava just because that was her favorite color. And in the center laid a white gem that connected all of them together. That one was special. It represented a pureness of their friendships that could never dull. 

“You must’ve saved up months of allowance for this,” Ava’s voice nearly broke. “I-I can’t accept it.” She laid the box in her lap and stared into it with regret.

Eren rolled his eyes and glanced at her finally. “You think my allowance could pay for that? I stole some of my parents money.” Ava gasped.

He was lying but only Armin and Valentine knew that. He did extra work around his house and even some yard work for nearby neighbors to save up for it. It was the first time that Armin and Valentine had ever seen him put so much effort into one thing. 

“It’s not like they’ll know! Plus, you’ve always wanted that. Just enjoy it. It’s not like the shop takes returns anyway.” His cheeks blushed but he tried to look as unbothered as possible.

Ava grinned and moved her gaze back to the necklace. “Thank you.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Eren waved his hand.

She pinched two fingers on either side of the chain and carefully took it out of the box like she was defusing a bomb. A massive grin stretched on her face as she wrapped it around her neck and Eren helped her hook it on. She caught Eren smiling but he quickly wiped it off and looked away.

“Okay-okay, open mine now!” Armin scooted his neatly wrapped gift across the floor toward Ava. It had a fluffy pink bow on top. 

She gently took the bow off to where it wouldn’t break and unwrapped the box. “Oh my gosh! You did not!” She yanked a hoodie out that had a pear with a face on it. It was an odd clothing brand that was some weird joke between the two of them. Eren and Valentine never understood it and never really cared too. “I cannot believe you actually got it!” She laughed as she put it on. 

“You can add it to your collection,” Armin said. 

“Our collection,” she smiled at him. They usually borrowed each other’s shirts and hoodies. Especially when it came to that collection.

“Okay, let’s just get this over with already,” Valentine slid a box over. It wasn’t wrapped at all but it was in a box at least.

“Hm,” Ava smiled as she opened it. She glanced inside and her eyes widened. She reached in and pulled out a handful of books. “No way…the entire collection?!” She had mentioned this series, titled “Monsters”, subtly to Valentine years ago. She didn’t have the money when the final copies were sold and complained about how she could never obtain the only copy from the library because it was always checked out. “But I thought no other copies existed?” Ava said in awe as she held the first book up like it was gold. 

“There isn’t. It was a real bitch to hunt down one of the owners and even a bigger bitch to make a deal. But they finally budged. And I didn’t have to kill them for it,” Valentine said. 

Ava glanced at her with watery eyes and Valentine looked away. “Thank you,” Ava whispered. 

“Don’t make a big deal,” Valentine said. “They’re just books.”

//

They giggled as they passed around a flashlight and confessed their biggest secrets that they only entrusted in one another. At first, Armin didn’t want to play and claimed that he had no secrets to tell but each time the flashlight made its way around to him, Eren pressed him.

“Seriously Armin, you have to tell us at least one secret. Something you’ve never told anyone, ever.” Eren gave him a devious smile.

Armin sighed as he glanced to the side at Eren’s shadow that smeared against one of the sheets of their fort. He squeezed onto the flashlight between his hands that aimed directly from under his face. He moved his attention back to Eren with a look of exhaustion. “Sorry. I just don’t feel very good. I don’t have anything.” He opened his hand so the flashlight rolled out and made its way toward Eren.

Eren’s eyes widened. He leaned in to grab the flashlight and whispered, “Did you take your medicines today?”

Armin scowled. “Eren,” he crossed his arms. Anytime anyone brought this topic up, he became severely uncomfortable and slightly agitated. He didn’t like to talk about it. All they knew was what he told them, which was that after what happened to his parents, he had been directed to use certain medications daily. 

“I’m just asking.” Eren stared into the flashlight. “You said you didn’t feel good, so—”

“Okay.” Armin wanted this conversation to end already. 

“Someone else go then.” Eren flipped the flashlight in his hand to where the handle faced outwards.

“I guess I can go,” Valentine grabbed it.

“Oh, this is going to be good.” Eren shoved some popcorn into his mouth.

They all got situated in their spots to where they faced her. 

Valentine aimed the flashlight to where it was partly hitting her face. Most of it beamed alongside her face and stretched behind her. She stared into a single piece of popcorn that laid on the floor. “I…did something.” Her tone shifted into a dark and mysterious one. She hesitated to fully glance up at the others.

“Well, what is it?” Ava asked. Valentine slowly parted her lips as if to speak then sealed them again. 

“Ah, c’mon. It can’t be that bad.” Eren laughed. “It’s not like you killed someone.” Valentine’s eyes slightly widened and their was a few seconds of pure silence. Armin and Eren glanced at one another. Ava stared at Valentine with wide eyes and didn’t bother to break it when Armin and Eren glanced at her. Eren moved his gaze back to Valentine, who was still staring downward. She didn’t want to see their reactions. “Did you?” Eren finally broke the long silence. 

She slowly moved her gaze to meet Eren’s eyes. She was perplexed to see a calmness in his eyes. He didn’t even look slightly alarmed, just a bit surprised. 

“Two,” she answered in almost a whisper as if she didn’t want to really admit it.

Armin’s eyes widened as he slightly moved his head back. He had always known that Valentine was violent but he would’ve never imagined that she actually killed people before.

“Well, did they deserve it?” Eren asked with a completely unbothered expression.

“Yeah. They did.” Valentine glanced over at Ava, who was still staring with shock at the fact that she admitted that. They had all been friends for years now but this was the ultimate test of trust. One that could change everything forever.

“Well then,” Eren smiled from the corner of his mouth. “There’s two less shitty people on this earth.”

This time, Valentine was the one that was taken aback. But she was grateful of his reaction. “Yeah.”

“I’ve killed too,” Eren admitted. Everyone jerked their heads toward him. 

“You don’t have to say that to try and make me feel better,” Valentine glanced to the side.

“I’m serious,” Eren admitted. “Armin was the only one that ever knew. Until now.”

They all glanced at Armin and he sort of shrunk in himself as if he was the one that did the actual crime. Valentine and Ava caught each other’s eye for a moment before Valentine glanced back at Eren. “What happened?” she asked with a sort of relief that she wasn’t the only one in the group that managed to do this.

“They were trying to kidnap this girl, one of my father’s patients. They killed her parents and took her hostage. They were animals and deserved the death they got!”  He crushed a popcorn inside of his hand. 

“Four less shitty people,” Valentine said.

“Hm,” Eren smiled. “Yeah.” He moved his gaze to Armin and caught his eye. “By the way…” his tone shifted a more serious and angry one. “I’d kill for any of you if it ever came down to it.”

Armin’s eyes slowly widened. “Don’t say that,” he whispered.

“I mean it,” Eren’s tone was stern. He and Armin stared at one another for a few long seconds in silence. 

“Alright. Don’t get all emotional now,” Valentine grabbed the piece of popcorn from the floor and tossed it at Eren.

“You’re the most emotional one here!” Eren grabbed a handful of popcorn and threw it at her. Some of it got on Ava.

“Eren!” Ava laughed as she grabbed whatever snack was closest, which was chocolate covered almonds, and chunked it at him. 

“Ouch! Those hurt!” Eren shouted as he grabbed a water bottle. 

“No! Eren—” Armin tried to get up to move but it was too late. Water splashed everywhere and on everyone. 

Armin, Valentine, and Ava gasped as they glanced down at the mess. Eren started laughing. “That’s what you all get!”

“That’s it,” Ava grabbed a water bottle and yanked her arm around to spill water on everyone. 

“What did I do?” Armin tried to shield himself. 

Within seconds, the inside of the fort had turned into a massive food and water fight.

//

Eren decided that they had to do something crazy for Ava’s birthday, even if it was subtle. After much debate, mostly from Ava and Armin who absolutely hated doing most things that consisted of trouble, it was settled that they would all sneak out of the house to their secret spot. This consisted of a ten minute hike to an abandoned and collapsed house that sat on the edge of a mountain. It overlooked the entire city of Shiganshina with all of its beautiful mountains and city lights. It was like being in a secret world that was only theirs and it was always more magical at night. 

When they finally reached this majestical place, Armin and Valentine sat on the edge of a giant slab of cement that laid off the edge of the mountain with a huge drop right below it. They swung their feet back and forth as they took in the view. Meanwhile, Ava and Eren, who both refused to get that close to the edge, stayed back and giggled in the background. Eren put his right earphone in Ava’s ear and placed the other in his. He put on one of their favorite songs, one that he swore was made for her, and they held hands as they pretended to know how to dance. He couldn’t dance for shit, and neither could she, but he had always teased that he would have his first dance with her. This was the closest thing to it.

Valentine subtly glanced at Armin and noticed that he was wearing one of Eren’s hoodies, which looked odd on him since they had contrasting styles of clothing. But he didn’t have a choice in the matter because it was chilly out and he hadn’t brought his own pullover to the sleep over because he hadn’t planned on sneaking out at three in the morning. He clutched tightly onto the strings that dangled from the neck line as he stared out into the view. The light from the full moon gently caressed the surface of his skin and the soft blonde peach fuzz that brushed against his cheeks sort of glimmered. It had a similar effect on his blonde hair, which looked as if it contained bits of glitter. The way the blue toned moonlight hit the iris of his big blue eyes made it seem as if they were slightly illuminating. Valentine always admired these small glimpses that she captured of Armin and would collect them in her mind as if it was an album made just for him. They were rare but always so…

“Beautiful.”

Armin slightly moved his head as he was taken out of whatever thought he was stuck in. He turned and glanced at Valentine with his big blue eyes. “Hm?”

Now that he was facing her, she could see the full portrait of him. And now, she could tell that there was a gloominess clouded inside of his eyes. “Did you say something?” he asked with his usual soft and gentle tone. 

“No,” she said in almost a whisper. Her chest became heavy. Why hadn’t she noticed that gloominess before?

“Oh.” He stared for a second. “Alright.” He moved his gaze back to the city lights. 

Valentine hesitated for a moment. “Armin…” she said in a serious tone that still had a gentleness to it.

“Hm?” He turned to look at her again.

“You know you’re one of my bestest friends.”

He looked a bit confused. “Yeah? And you’re one of mine.” He smiled. His smile was so warm, as usual, but there was something off about it tonight.

“Yeah. So that’s why I need to ask you…”

The smile slowly faded from Armin’s face. “What is it?”

“Are you-” she glanced to the side to ensure that Eren and Ava weren’t paying attention and leaned in a bit closer to Armin. “Are you alright? Like alright, alright?”

Armin’s eyes widened and he quickly looked away. He moved his head to where his blonde hair covered the side of his face to shield her out. “Why would you ask that?” His tone was incredibly heavy now.

“Well…like I said. You’re one of my bestest friends. I want to make sure you’re alright and I want you to be able to tell me if you’re ever not.”

Armin moved his hands to the outside of his legs and clutched onto the edge of the cement as he stared downwards at the drop. He didn’t respond.

Valentine looked toward the lights. “I won’t bring it up again.”

There was a long silence and it felt like a dark invisible entity had made its way between them. Then, the silence broke with the sound of nails scratching against concrete. She glanced down to see his fingers now squeezing tightly onto the edge of the cement. She slowly moved her gaze up to him but could still only see his hair. His breathing became heavier and his entire body began to tremble. Is he just really cold? Valentine leaned forward a bit to peak around the curtain of his hair. Her eyes widened as she realized his face was completely drenched with tears. He clenched his teeth and scrunched his eyes shut as if it was taking everything he had to hold them back. She slowly leaned back. 

“Do you…want me to do anything?” she asked.

“I’m sorry,” he sniffed his nose. “I just,” he tried to keep his tone down so no one else could hear that he was crying. “I really don’t want to be a bother.” He wiped his face with the sleeve of the hoodie.

“Armin,” Valentine said in a serious tone. “You’re not a bother.”

He glanced at her as a tear dropped from his eye and slid down his cheek. The bottom of his eyes were red now. “A-are you sure?” He struggled to speak through his tears.

Valentine extended her hand out to him with the palm faced up and her fingers just slightly curled. He glanced at it for a moment before placing his hand in hers. 

“You’re my fucking best friend, idiot,” she said. 

This made him laugh. “I know, but—”

“Armin, I’m telling you.” He looked at her and noticed her serious expression. “You’re not a bother. If you were, I’d simply tell you.”

He gave a small broken laugh and wiped his face with his other hand. “Yeah, I guess that’s true.” He glanced toward the city with sad eyes. “I’m really not okay…” he squeezed her hand and everything that came after was a shock to Valentine.

He told her everything that he’d been going through and it wasn’t just recently. Armin had been struggling silently for years. She realized that all of this time, Armin was enduring a mental torture and none of them knew. This made her feel incredibly guilty as a friend. He admitted that he thought about his parents every single day and blamed himself for their deaths because he should’ve prevented them from going. He felt like a complete idiot for placing Eren in that position and wondered a lot of the time of what it would look like if he had lost all of his friends in the balloon that day.

He revealed that he had nightmares nearly every night, seeing his parents die over and over again, and sometimes his friends. The medication helped him to not have as many nightmares but it still couldn’t block them all the time. He was surprised and slightly relieved that Valentine knew what it felt like as she admitted that she also had night terrors and Ava had to wake her up a lot of the time. She tried to explain to him that the incident with his parents had nothing to do with him and that he shouldn’t blame himself for that. Then, as their conversation deepened, he revealed one of the biggest secrets of all…

“Wow.” Valentine stared at him with wide eyes. “I would’ve never guessed that.”

He laughed. “I hope not.”

“Do you think you’ll ever tell him?”

“I don’t know.” He glanced forward and a light gust of wind brushed his hair back. His hair looked so soft. “I doubt that he feels the same way towards me and I would hate to ruin our friendship by making it awkward. So probably not.”

Valentine held her pinky out towards him and Armin squeezed it with his. He released a giant sigh of relief.

“Hey!” a voice called out as a bright light shined onto them. They both glanced back to see a soldier making his way toward them but struggling to get through the rubble fast enough. “The hell you kids doin up here?!”

They all gasped and glanced at each other. “Shit! MPs!” Eren bolted before giving anyone else a chance to react.

“Uh!” Ava hesitated for a moment then chased after him. Armin and Valentine jumped to their feet and followed.

“Get back here!” a second MP made his way through the rubble and followed after them. His light flashed back and forth as he chased them.

They laughed as they zig-zagged down the road and watched the MPs struggle to catch up. Nothing else matters in the world than this moment right here, Armin thought as his face warmed up and blushed. Running down a brick road, at four in the morning, with my bestest friends, being chased by MPs, with a full moon and sky full of stars. It’s perfect.

(pt.2)

It had been two weeks since Valentine and Ava saw the boys. Eren was grounded due to something terrible that he refused to explain to them and Armin caught a bad flu. Ava and Valentine were filled with boredom since they were so used to spending nearly everyday with Eren and Armin. While on their time away from them, Valentine’s behavior had shifted into a more somber one. At first, Ava teased that it must be separation anxiety since she’s been away from her partner in crime sidekick, Eren, for longer than usual. But then Ava realized that her behavior became even stranger.

Valentine would wake up in the middle of the night and walk around the house to ensure that everyone was alright and all of the doors were locked up. She had never done that. Some nights, she would sit outside mumbling strange words to herself as she drank herself off until she could pass back out again. She also never did that before. 

And on this day, she sat on the room floor staring into a book that had been the same page for two hours. Rain slammed against their bedroom window and a loud thunder roared so heavy that it shook the walls. The light flickered a few times before shutting off completely. 

“Ugh. Great. I was nearly done reading this page,” Valentine mumbled.

Ava, who was laying down on the bed counting the number of spit balls on the ceiling, rolled over to face Valentine. “You know what we should do?”

“Hm,” Valentine said unamused. 

“We should go play in the rain!” Ava said excitingly. “We haven’t done that in awhile!”

“Mm.”

Ava tilted her head. “You love playing in the rain. We can play hide and seek and you can be the seeker!”

Valentine shut the book and stared at the cover. “I really think we should just stay inside today—”

“Okay, I’m going!” Ava jumped off the bed. “You better come find me or I’ll be waiting for nothing!” She quickly slipped on her rains boots and ran out the door before Valentine could say no.

“Ava,” Valentine glanced toward the door with annoyance. She sighed and slowly stood up. She slipped on her boots and dragged her way toward the bedroom doorway. She peaked her head down the hall as if something was going to be waiting for her. All of the lights in the cabin were still shut off and there wasn’t a bit of sound. Not even a small mumble of talking or laughing from their parents. “Mila?” Valentine turned to face the other direction. “Hm. That’s weird. Where are they?” She walked into the living room and glanced around. The front door was cracked open and rain was pouring in. She had just realized that she hadn’t seen Mila or Mannie all day. She wasn’t sure of whether that was because she was in her own world or if they had left somewhere. Regardless, she felt incredibly uneasy. 

She opened the door and hesitantly stepped one foot outside. She watched as her boot drowned into a puddle. “Better just get this over with,” she pulled herself outside completely and slammed the door behind her. The rain poured down so hard that it felt like small needles colliding into her skin. It was so intense that she could barely see anything a foot in front of her. It also didn’t help that there was a heavy immense fog clouding the air, which also made it hard to breathe. 

“Ava?” she called out but the rain was so loud that she could barely hear her own voice. She put her hands above her eyes to shield the rain from her face and began to walk further into the forest. The ground carried a thick slushy mud with giant puddles of water everywhere. ��Can’t exactly track her with this shit.” As she made her way further into the murky forest, she realized that the feeling which she felt for the past two weeks had strengthened significantly. She stopped in her tracks and stood for a moment. Her chest became heavy and her lungs felt like they were collapsing. She tried to take a deep breath but the air was too thick. She leaned over with her hands on her knees and realized that they were trembling. The rain was getting louder now and her eyes were becoming blurry with all the rain in them. The air became denser and colder and she began to shiver. Lightening struck from nearby and caused the ground to shake all around her. “Agh,” she fell back on the ground and landed into a massive muddy puddle. She tried to breathe through her mouth but incidentally inhaled a bunch of water and choked. She heard the sound of cracking wood from nearby and glanced in the direction, yet she still couldn’t see anything. BOOM! There was a giant crash from the other direction and she jerked her head towards it. Did the lightening knock a tree down? I’m certain it came from the other direction.

She made her way to her knees and noticed that the ground in that particular area felt different. Huh? She crawled a bit more and felt area with her hands. She found where the sinking mud stopped and became normal again. I don’t understand, is this a track? If so, what kind of animal can be that huge… Her eyes widened as she felt a presence behind her. It was one that she had never felt before but knew was massive and sent chills down her spine. She slowly turned around to be met with an eye of a titan staring directly at her. It was leaning down towards her and seemed like it’d been there for a few seconds. They stared at one another quietly for what felt like the longest minute of her life. Then, it huffed as if to sniff her and there was a massive wind that blew against her face.

“Ahh!” Ava screamed from the forest. Valentine broke out of her frozen stare down and realized that Ava was still out there somewhere. The titan moved its gaze in the direction of the scream and slowly stood and faded into the fog above. Valentine bolted towards her best guess of the direction in which Ava was.

“Ava! Where are you?!” Valentine looked around in circles but only saw a heavy fog surrounding her. I’m not going to reach her fast enough. Is that the only one out here? If there’s one, there’s surely more. How many more-

“Valentine!” Ava’s voice screamed from the left. Valentine bolted in that direction. Please be okay. Please be okay- BANG! She collided into something and gasped as she stumbled back. It was Ava. 

Ava’s eyes were big and full of a terror that Valentine had never witnessed on her before. “Th-there’s a t-t-t-I-I saw—” she was shaking so bad and could barely get her words out at all. 

“Ava, listen to me.” Valentine squeezed her hand. “We have to run. And don’t stop. Just run!”

\\

“Hey! Kid! Can you hear me?” a Garrison soldier kneeled down on one knee as he shook Valentine by the shoulders. “Where are your parents? Are there others?” Valentine stared straight through him like he wasn’t even there. He glanced up to another soldier and nodded. A nearby soldier screamed as he was snatched by a titan. 

“Gah-damn it! We gotta go!” The soldier snatched Valentine up. “Listen, you’re going to have to hang on. We don’t have time to run. We’re flying!” Valentine nodded and clutched onto him. “You got her?” he asked a second soldier that carried Ava. “Let’s go!” They launched their ODM gear and headed for the inner city of Shiganshina. 

When they got there, it was pure chaos. Alarms went off in every direction. Canons fired off as soldiers attempted to hold the titans back from reaching any further inside of the city. Some people were being eaten alive by titans. Most people were fighting each other for a spot on the last boat that was already filled and getting ready for departure to the other side of Wall Maria, the only escape route. The soldiers that held Ava and Valentine struggled to get through the crowd and decided that it was best for only one to attempt to fight his way through with both girls. 

“Let us on! Please don’t leave us here!” a woman screamed. 

“Children only!” a guard yelled from the entrance of the boat.

“You’re going to let me on that damn boat or I’ll kill you for it!” A man threatened as he got in the guards face. He pulled a knife out and a separate guard tackled him into the crowd. 

BOOM! There was a loud stomp from nearby and everyone glanced back to see a titan that made its way through the canon fire and was now heading straight for them. Everyone screamed in panic and began to shove each other to get on the boat. Some drowned in the crowd and were trampled on. Others attempted to risk their life and jump from the ledge toward the boat, all of which fell straight to their deaths due to the immediate impact of water or due to drowning.

“Go! Get them out of here!” the guard screamed as he waved his hand up to motion the other soldiers. The boat nudged forward a bit and slowly began to move.

“Wait!” the soldier that held both Valentine and Ava tried to shove his way through. “I have two more children!”

The guard waved his hands for the soldier to toss them over the people that stood between them. He tossed Valentine first, then Ava. The guard threw them into the boat and they both landed on a few other children. The boat nudged a bit more and began to move faster now. Screams erupted as the titan made its way to the crowd and began to snatch people up from the ground. 

“Don’t leave us!” a man yelled as he shoved through the guard at an attempt to make it on the boat. Yet, they both fell off the ledge to their immediate deaths.

The children cried and screamed of panic as they watched their friends, family, and homes being ripped to shreds by the very giants that they had only ever heard stories of. 

“Grandad!” a painful and broken voice screamed. 

Valentine gasped and glanced up to see Armin down the boat. He reached his hand out toward the chaos as tears streamed down his face. His grandad waved to him as he tried to hold a brave face. He screamed something out to Armin but it was much too loud to hear.

Valentine and Ava made their way towards Armin. When they finally reached him, Ava wrapped her arms tightly around him and squeezed as she cried. Armin could barely hold himself up and collapsed to his knees as he weeped of pain. Valentine glanced around and found Eren a few feet away. He sat and stared straight ahead with wide eyes. She made her way towards him and silently sat beside him.

//

When they reached the other side of Wall Maria, it was fairly silent as everyone glared and gave them disgusted expressions. There was a few murmured remarks here and there through the crowd.

“Ugh, just look at them. Should’ve let the poor bastards just die with their parents.”

“Who’s supposed to look after these damn orphans? It isn’t coming out of my taxpayer money is all I’m saying.”

“Damn gruts. They’re going to eat all of our food and take all of our resources!”

“Do you think the titans will break through our wall as well?”

The boat came to a halt and a garrison soldier approached the entrance gate to let them off. He gave them a gross expression as if they were a disease that made its way to his home. “Well hurry it up!” He yelled angrily. “We don’t have all day. Get the hell off!” 

“Dirty gruts,” another soldier mumbled underneath his breath as he glared at them.

(pt.3)

It was a long two years for the refugee children of Shiganshina. The usual behavior they faced from commoners and soldiers consisted of being spat on, shoved around, laughed at, made fun of, treated unfairly, punished for no reason a lot of the time, forced to work without pay, and forced to eat left overs after the commoners had their share, if there was any left that was. They were forced to live in a secluded area away from the commoners. 

Valentine scooted her tray away that had one scoop of old mashed potatoes. “Eat.”

Armin sighed. “Valentine, stop it. You keep giving your share away to everyone else and you need to eat too.”

“I’m fine,” she sounded weak. “I can handle it. You three split it.”

“Get to work, you damn grut!” a nearby soldier yelled as he kicked one of the Shiganshina refugees down on the ground. He dug his boot into his back and forced him to his stomach. Other nearby soldiers laughed. Eren clenched his fists and began to tremble with anger. 

“Just leave it,” Armin glanced at him. “You barely got out of the hole yesterday.”

The hole was a giant 15-meter hole in the ground that was filled with sewage. It was where the soldiers would send the refugees for punishment or if they did any little thing that the soldiers didn’t like. They would usually leave them for days at a time without anything to eat or drink. Since it was outside, it would be scorching hot during the day and extremely cold at night. Over the last two years, nearly 100 refugees died in that hole.

Valentine glanced at Eren with heavy eyes. She and Eren were always in and out of the hole. They were a lot alike and weren’t the type to take any shit from anyone, especially the soldiers. One soldier walked behind Valentine and smacked his lips as he glared at the back of her head. “Fucking grut bitch,” he mumbled under his breath. It was the same soldier that she always got into with the most. Ava glanced at Valentine and subtly nodded her head no. Valentine sighed.

“Why aren’t you eating, grut?” The soldier walked to beside the table and glared down at Valentine. “Is it not good enough for you? Maybe we should take away your eating privileges for a week.”

Eren clenched his jaw. The soldier reached for her tray and dragged it all the way to the edge of the table until it fell. The potatoes splattered everywhere on the ground. “Oops,” he said.

A nearby soldier watched from a few feet away and laughed. “Careful with that one. She has a temper, now.”

The soldier leaned closer to her. “Pick it up.”

Valentine slowly moved her gaze to him. “No,” she said calmly. Nearby refugees gasped as they watched.

“What did you just say to me?” he leaned a little closer.

“Are you deaf?”

The soldier’s jaw tightened. “That’s it—”

Valentine grabbed his head and slammed it against the table so hard that it broke his nose. He fell back on the ground and groaned.

“Get the damn grut, she’s back in the hole!” a soldier yelled. A separate soldier grabbed her by the back of the collar and threw her to the ground. 

“Hey!” Ava yelled as she, Armin, and Eren all stood.

The soldier attempted to hold her down but Eren tackled him to the ground and began to punch his face over and over. “You bitch! Don’t you touch her!” Eren screamed.

More soldiers began to make their way over now. 

“It’s just a misunderstanding!” Armin pleaded with his hands up. “Please, let them off!”

“Don’t fight back!” Ava screamed. “Please!” She knew it would only mean more time in the hole and was exhausted from constantly worrying everyday if she’d ever see them again.

Valentine punched one of the soldiers in the face and kicked the other in the head, knocking both of them down. A third soldier threw a fist at her and she dodged it and upper cut him so hard that his bottom jaw cracked. Other soldiers held Eren and began to beat him. 

“No, get off of him!” Valentine screamed as she ran towards him. Four soldiers yanked her back. 

“Get down, now!” They threw her to the ground and shoved her face into the dirt. “You dirty fucking grut!”

“Stop!” Ava cried with her hands over her head. 

They shoved Eren to the ground beside Valentine to where they faced each other. They couldn’t help but laugh. 

“You think this is funny?! Get up!” The soldiers yanked them up. “Back to the hole for these two.”

\\\

“How long do you think this time?” Eren asked as he leaned against the wall of the hole and stared up at the distant sky. 

Valentine stood across on the other side as they weren’t allowed to be too close. She sighed and studied the human waste along the walls. “Who knows. A week maybe.”

“Wouldn’t be our worst.”

“Yeah.” She moved her gaze to Eren. He looked so exhausted and defeated. He had a black eye and streams of dried blood that stained from underneath each of his nostrils onto his shirt. “You shouldn’t have done that for me by the way. It was my fight. Not yours.”

He sighed as he rested the back of his head on the wall and glanced at her. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this. I’m never going to just stand by and let them or anyone ever touch you. Ever.” Valentine rolled her eyes. “I’ll always fight for you. For all of you,” Eren said in a more gentle tone. 

She smiled from the corner of her mouth. “But you kind of got your ass beat.”

“Yeah, well,” he glanced away. “I guess I’ll just keep getting my ass beat for you then.”

She laughed and shook her head. “You’re an idiot. But I’ll always fight for you, too.”

(pt.4) ***TW: pt.4 contains self harm.

“I’m just”—Ava squeezed her arms tightly together as streams of tears fell from her face—“a bystander. And that’s all I’ll ever be.” Her lips trembled. “I hate myself,” she whispered. 

Armin’s eyes widened. “Ava,” he said softly. “Don’t say things like that.”

“I do,” she admitted. “I’m such a fucking waste. I can’t even save my friends from being hurt. I can’t save them from anything. All I ever do is just watch,” she covered her mouth as she began to weep. 

Armin put his arms around her. He knew exactly how she was feeling because he felt that way his entire life. But he’d never admit that to her or anyone else ever. It always worried him when Ava got this bad because he knew how dark her thoughts could become. One time, it became so bad that he caught her attempting to harm herself.

***

“Ava, stop it!” he cried as he yanked the piece of glass from her. He hadn’t even realized that his hand was bleeding from how hard he grasped onto it.

“I’m sorry,” she cried. “I’m so sorry.” 

She made him promise to never tell anyone about that moment, especially Valentine. 

***

He gulped down to try to fight back his tears as he held her. “All we can do is just be there for them as much as we can, in whatever way we can. It’ll be alright.” 

(pt.5)

Valentine grabbed her tray that had cheddar soup, crackers, half a piece of toast, and a canteen of water that read, “Cadet Sakleysi”. She glanced down the long and crowded room that filled with new recruits on the first day of training. 

Valentine was the last to get her tray of food due to an extra 5-mile run punishment she was ordered to after training practice. There were a number of odd glances and whispers as she made her way through the crowd. “How the hell did she finish her punishment that fast? Did they let her off easy?” “Is that the one that got into with drill instructor Miko?” “Yeah. I wouldn’t mess with her. Did you see how quick she knocked him down? “That’s a man three times her size.”

“Well if you ask me, it sounds like you’re asking for a challenge!” a voice screamed over everyone else’s and caused most of the chatter to die down and everyone glanced in the direction from which it came. 

“Oh yeah?! Well bring it on, horse face!” Eren’s voice screamed. 

Valentine’s eyes widened. “Shit!” She took off toward the chaos but struggled to get through the crowd that surrounded the scene. “Fight! Fight!” the crowd cheered.

“Move it!” Valentine violently ripped through everyone and made her way to the front. Armin and Ava had their hands over their faces. Eren was in a stand off with another cadet that was much taller than him. They both held their fists up but neither was really making the first move. Valentine sighed as she threw her tray down on the table and everyone took a few steps back from her. 

The cadet that stood across from Eren was about to throw his fist when Valentine ran towards him and pushed him so hard that he flew into the cadets that stood behind him. 

“Ohhh!” the crowd screamed of excitement. This was the best action they had gotten the entire day. Other than Valentine’s scene earlier with the drill instructor. 

She glanced down at the cadet that was now on the floor. “If you want to a fight, then fight me.”

The cadet glanced up at her with wide eyes then bursted out into laughter. Nearby watchers gasped as they glanced back at Valentine to watch her reaction. 

“Huh?” she said confused. She never received that reaction before. Is this guy insane? Maybe he doesn’t know who I am— 

“Valentine, right?” the cadet said as he struggled to stand up. 

Her eyes widened. So he does know who I am and he isn’t afraid? More of the crowd around began to move further away to prepare for a disaster. “Yeah,” Valentine answered as she glared at him. 

He glanced down at her and put his hands up as he gave a warm and friendly smile. “I’m not about to fight you, okay? I know you’ll beat my ass. I was just messing with Eren anyway. It was all jokes!” 

“It didn’t look like much of a joke to me.” 

“Look, I’ll even make a truce,” he walked up to Eren and extended his hand out to him. The crowd moaned of disappointment as they scattered back to their tables and groups. “Truce?” the cadet asked with a smile. 

“Yeah, fine. Whatever.” Eren firmly grabbed his hand and they shook. 

Jean leaned in a bit more to where only Eren could hear him. “This is also a shake to say that I will graduate above you in the top five.” 

Eren snatched his hand away. “My ass!” This entire quarrel began because they quickly realized in training that they were each others biggest competition for a spot in the top five. Then soon enough, the argument became more so of who was going to be above who in the top five. 

The cadet turned to face Valentine and put his arms out as if to invite her for a hug. “See? We’re cool now.” Eren could be heard growling from behind him. “I’m Jean, by the way,” he extended his hand out to Valentine. 

She gave him a stern stare as she walked up to him and snatched his hand tightly. “If you ever mess with my friends again,” she said in a low threatening tone that let him know she wasn’t kidding, “I’ll beat your ass.”

“Yeah. I get it,” he said with a smile as he shook her hand. “Truce.”

///

“Go, go, go!” drill instructor Thomas yelled through the hard pouring rain. “If your squirrel asses don’t make it to this gah-damn line in two minutes, you’re done for! I don’t want to see your ugly face back in this training again!” 

Cadets were performing the first of many difficult courses in training. It consisted of flying through the rainy forest on ODM gear that they had only learned to manage the day before. Rather than using blades to swipe the napes of fake titans, they were being shot at with paintballs the size of baseballs. Which as you could imagine, hurt like hell. They had to quickly learn to fully balance themselves through unpredictable weather and events while dodging every single hit. If one cadet was touched even slightly, it would stain their uniform a bright neon color that they couldn’t hide and they were to receive punishment after words. Not only did they have to worry about not falling from the air while dodging painful hits, they had to make it to the end of the forest within ten minutes. Then do it all over again and again for hours. 

A giant pink paint ball was heading straight for Jean’s face and he quickly yanked his body to the side. The ODM gear jerked a bit and he nearly lost balance and almost rammed straight into a tree. “Shit!” He grabbed a hold of the gear and found his balance again. “Whoo, that was close. But I’m still better than you, loser!” Jean screamed. 

“I’m not competing with you! You’re better! Fine! I just don’t want to die!” a voice answered back. 

“Huh?” Jean glanced to the side to see cadet Bertholdt. “The hell? Where’s Eren!? He was just right here.” 

“I don’t know! I don’t care!” Bertholdt swung to the right to dodge a paint ball. 

“Shit,” Jean clenched his jaw. “Don’t tell me that little twerp made it to the finish line before me!” He raced out of the last part of the forest but failed to have a clean landing and plummeted into a muddy puddle face first. 

“Ha!” Valentine said. “Nice one.”

“Shut up!” Jean stood up and swung his arms outward to get the mud off. He glanced around and noticed there was only a few cadets that made it out so far and Eren wasn’t one of them. “He didn’t beat me?” Jean smiled. 

“One minute remaining!” drill instructor Thomas screamed through a megaphone. 

Jean glanced back toward the forest as more cadets began to make their way out but still didn’t spot Eren. “Agh!” Jean clenched his fists. “C’mon you big idiot.” A few seconds went by and Eren still wasn’t in sight. “Gah damn it,” Jean took a step forward. 

“The hell do you think you’re doing cadet Kirstein?!” Thomas yelled. 

“Sir. I’m going back in there for a fellow cadet, sir!” Jean answered. 

“You will do no such thing, cadet!”

“With all do respect, sir, I am!”

“Cadet—”

Jean flew off into the forest before the drill instructor could finish his sentence. 

“You big headed idiot! I can’t believe you’re making me do this!” Jean yelled as he flew to the spot where he saw Eren last. “Eren?!” he screamed out but didn’t hear anything back. He landed on a tree and glanced around. A giant neon yellow paint ball was heading straight for him. “Shit!” He jerked his head to the side and barely missed the hit, yet slipped and fell from the tree. “Ah!” He quickly launched his gear and saved himself from hitting the ground below. He gasped as he spotted Eren upside down a couple yards away. “Eren!” He flew towards him. 

“I’m stuck! The damn gear locked up!” Eren yelled. 

“Shit, hold on,” Jean attempted to pull on Eren’s gear that was locked into the tree. 

“Thirty seconds, you ass wipes!” the drill instructor could be heard screaming. 

Eren gasped. “Just go!” He shoved Jean away.

“No! I’m not leaving you here!” Jean pulled on Eren’s gear from the tree and it began to loosen. 

“You idiot!” Eren shoved him again. “Don’t lose your spot for me!”

“Oh shut up, I’m not doing this for you!” Jean pulled one last time and Eren’s gear unlocked. It made a zipping sound as it quickly retracted back toward Eren and he shot it off toward another tree. “Go!” Jean yelled and they both took off racing out of the forest. 

“Five! Four!” the drill instructor counted down. 

“We’re making it out, damn it!” Jean screamed. 

“Three! Two!”

Both Jean and Eren flew out from the forest and rolled across the ground a few times.

The drill instructor glanced down at them as he screamed, “One!” He made his way over and glared down at them. “I gave you an order to not go back in there, cadet Kirstein. For your misconduct, you are ordered to a ten mile run after practice!”

Jean stood up and glanced at him with wide eyes. “Ten?!”

The drill instructor walked up to where his boots hit Jean’s. “Do you want to make it fifteen, cadet Kirstein?! Cause I very much can!”

Jean put his head down. “No, sir.”

“That’s what I thought!” The drill instructor turned and walked off. “Everyone get ready for round 45!”

“Sir!” the cadets screamed.

Eren glanced at Jean, who looked like a sad wet dog. “You didn’t have to go back for me. You shouldn’t have.”

“Well it’s done now, isn’t it?” Jean said in a sad tone. 

Eren lightly slapped Jean’s shoulder. “Thank you…idiot.”

Jean glanced at him. “No problem…idiot.”

“Go!” Thomas screamed and the cadets took off back into the forest.

///

“Alright then. Fine,” Annie said with crossed arms. “Girls vs boys it is.”

“Ha,” Reiner lifted his sleeves. “Pick your best five to represent your team and let’s get this over with already.” 

Annie turned around to face the girls. “Any volunteers?”

“Uh,” Sasha raised her hand. “I’m not volunteering to fight the guys but I just want to say, don’t volunteer unless you can fight because I really really really want some of that steak and sausage and beer so—”

“So are there any actual volunteers?” Annie cut her off as there were more important matters right now. “I myself am going.” 

“I’ll go too,” Valentine stepped out in front of everyone. 

“Oh, we’re for sure going to win now!” one of the girl cadets screamed. 

“I change my mind. I didn’t know she was going to be competing!” a boy said from a few feet away as he stepped back into the boy crowd. 

“Ah, c’mon. You can take her!” Reiner said. Valentine rolled her eyes. 

“We need three more,” Annie said as she studied their side of the crowd. She glanced at Ava.

“Oh, no way,” Ava nodded her head as she stepped back. “I’m not embarrassed to say that I very truly suck at fighting and will lose!”

Sasha covered her mouth and giggled. “You’re funny! I like you.” She gently shoved Ava’s shoulder with her own.

“Hey Sasha!” Connie yelled from the other side. “If you fight, I’ll compete against you! We’ll finally find out which of us is the stronger half!”

“That’s it,” Sasha stepped out. “You’re on!”

“Woohoo!” the girl side cheered.

“Alright, anyone else?” Annie asked. No one else answered. She sighed and glanced toward Valentine and Sasha. “I guess that means some of us will have to fight twice. I can do two rounds.”

Sasha glanced back and forth between Valentine and Annie. “Ah, c’mon! It can’t be me! You’re stronger anyway!” She shoved Valentine. 

“Fine. I’ll double round,” Valentine said. 

“Alright then,” Annie said. 

“Phew,” Sasha wiped her forehead. 

They faced the boys to see that the five lined up consisted of Connie, Eren, Bertholdt, Reiner, and Jean. The crowd began to cheer and throw out names as to who they were rooting for. 

“Hey!” Reiner said “You’re supposed to choose five! Do you not know how to count or what?”

“Some of us will be doubling,” Annie said.

“Which of you—”

“You’ll find out eventually.”

The guys nervously glanced at one another. 

“Fine, whatever! Double the ass-beat for your team then,” Reiner smirked. “Put your first runner up in the center circle and let’s do this!” The crowd cheered even louder. Annie rolled her eyes and turned to the girls. “Alright, anyone care to go first or should it be me?”

“I’ll go!” Sasha said excitingly. “I really want to get this over with already to be honest.”

“Alright then. Go ahead,” Annie moved to the side and turned back around to face the guys. 

“Okay,” Sasha made her way to the circle as she stared back at Annie and Valentine like she was a kid going to her first day of school. “Well aren’t you going to wish me luck or something?”

Valentine sighed. “Goodluck—” 

“No,” Annie said at the same time. 

“Yay!” Sasha turned around to be faced with 6-foot Bertholdt standing across from her with a giant smirk on his face. “Wh-what?! Wait! I thought I was going against Connie!”

“Change of plans,” Bertholdt said. 

“Uhh,” Sasha nervously glanced back. Valentine nodded for her to go ahead. 

“Ready, get set,” Reiner said. “Go!” The crowd began to jump and scream. 

Sasha turned around to see Bertholdt racing towards her. “Ahh! Don’t hurt me!” she screamed with her arms crossed over her face as she braced for the worst. 

Bertholdt tackled her to the ground and there was a “Ohh!” from the crowd. Valentine made an expression like she sort of felt bad for her. 

Sasha kicked her feet and arms out. “Okay! You win! Ahh! I’m tapping out!”

“One for the boys!” Reiner screamed and his side cheered. 

“Pathetic,” Annie mumbled.

Bertholdt made his way off of Sasha. “That was too easy.”

Sasha struggled to stand and walk back to the girls. “I’m never”—she said through heavy breath as if she did much—“doing that again!”

“Alright, so who’s taking me on now?” Reiner flexed his arms out as he made his way to the circle. 

“Oh, please,” Annie rolled her eyes as she walked up. “I’ll be kicking your ass today.”

“Ha! Well I’d like to see you try—”

He was already faced down on the ground before he could even finish his sentence. “Oohh!” the crowd went crazy. 

“Agh,” Reiner groaned. “That hurt.”

“I should’ve chose a more competitive opponent,”  Annie said as she walked back towards Valentine. 

“I didn’t know you could fight like that,” Valentine said amused and impressed. She hardly ever met anyone that fought with skill close to her own. 

“Yeah, well,” Annie rolled her sleeves back down as she faced toward the boys. “I don’t go bantering about it to everyone like you.” 

“Huh?!”

“Alright, who’s up?!” Reiner screamed as he held the side of his stomach. Valentine and Jean made their way to the circle and everyone cheered.

Jean rolled his sleeves up. “I’ll try to take it easy on you,” he smirked. 

Valentine laughed a bit. “Sure.” She put her hands up.

“He’s going to get nuked!” a boy screamed.

“Hey, you’re on my team!” Jean yelled.

“Ready?” Reiner screamed. Jean glared into Valentine’s eyes. “Go!” Reiner screamed and the crowd cheered.

Jean attempted to rush a tackle and leaned down as he grasped his arms around her waist. Valentine pivoted her feet into the dirt and began to push against him. 

“Huh?!” Jean’s feet began to push back. 

She took one step forward and he lost all of his balance on his feet. He didn’t even know how it happened but all he knew was that his back was against the ground and Valentine was on top of him. The crowd screamed with cheer. 

“Too easy,” she shoved him into the ground and pushed herself up. 

“How did—” he glanced around confused and noticed Reiner shaking his head with his hand on his face. “Well you try to fight her then!”

“Get up already!” Reiner yelled back. 

“Shut up!” Jean stood and walked back embarrassed. 

Annie fought Eren and easily won within a second. Valentine fought Connie and it was barely even a fight if anything at all. 

“I’m sorry! Please don’t hurt me!” Connie screamed as he dropped to his knees. “You win! You’re stronger! Please!” he desperately tapped his hand on the ground over and over. Valentine gave him a peculiar expression. 

“Boo!” The crowd screamed. 

“Hey, what the hell is going on in here?” a drill instructor yelled from nearby. Everyone gasped and scattered like ants back to the dorms.

In the end, the girls won the match and got to feast on the stolen meat and beer from the officers pantry.

\\

Eren, Armin, Reiner, Bertholdt, and Connie snuck into the girls dorms to have a secret party with Valentine, Ava, Sasha, and Annie. It had been a year since they joined the scout training program and they figured they deserved some celebration for being among the ones that have passed onto the second and final year of training. Eren managed to steal some very expensive blue rare wine, along with some other alcohol, from the officer’s pantry while Ava and Sasha managed to steal a ton of food. 

“Oh-oh! I know! A titan!” Sasha screamed as she jumped up and down and pointed at Connie. He nodded no and tried again at his turn of charades. He was terrible.

“I’m going to get another bottle, do you want one?” Ava slurred as she leaned all the way into Valentine. 

Valentine laughed. “Sure, I’ll take one. Are you sure you can make it to the table and back?” she teased.

“Yesssss I’m sure!” Ava stumbled as she tried to stand. Valentine shook her head and moved her attention back to the terrible charades. 

“How the hell was that supposed to be drill instructor Thomas?” Reiner yelled out at Connie. 

“Hey,” Connie extended his hands outward. “It’s not my fault I’m so good and you guys suck.”

“I’ll go and show you guys how it’s done,” Annie stood up and made her way to the front. 

Ava grabbed two bottles and noticed that the door was slightly opened. “Hm?” She walked over to shut it when she realized that someone was standing outside alone. It was Jean. He rested his elbows on the wooden balustrade as his arms hung slightly over with one hand barely holding a grip on his empty bottle. He stared into the few drops that remained at the bottom. She walked up beside him and noticed that his face was wet. 

“Hey,” Ava said in her usual soft tone. 

Jean nearly jumped as he hadn’t realized that she was standing directly beside him. “Uh,” he wiped his face and sniffed his nose. “Hey,” he said without glancing at her. 

“Are you alright?” She placed her warm hand on his cold one. He never knew what it was about Ava but she always gave him a sense of home, even though he was so far from home. “You can talk to me if you need to. No pressure.”

“Yeah,” his voice broke before he could even finish and he began to cry uncontrollably. He covered his face with his other hand embarrassed and began to hyperventilate. She rarely saw Jean cry but she had never seen him this broken before. “I kn-know it’s lame and pathet-ic but,” he struggled to breathe and speak at the same time. 

“Here,” Ava placed the two bottles that were in her other hand on the balustrade and pulled Jean in for a hug. She tightly wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed. Jean completely collapsed into her arms as he rested his chin on her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her. He began to weep now. She could feel his entire body trembling and parts of her shirt getting caught in his clenched fists. “It’s okay, just breathe, okay?” she patted his back.

“You-you’re so nice,” Jean said as he cried. One of his favorite things about Ava was that she never needed to know what exactly was wrong to comfort someone. Even though she had no idea why he was hurting, she just held him.

Ava smiled. “Sometimes.”

This made Jean giggle a bit. After a few moments, he felt himself begin to calm down. “Sorry,” he whispered as he awkwardly broke away from her. He wiped his nose with his sleeve. 

“Don’t apologize,” she said. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for…Do you want to talk about it?”

He put his head down as if he was ashamed. “It’s so pathetic,” he said with a light laugh that sounded more broken than cheerful. “But,” he hesitated as his breath became heavier. “I just…really miss my m-mom.” His eyes began to water again and he glanced away toward the wilderness around them. “I was always such an ungrateful asshole. I never appreciate the things she did for me until she wasn’t around anymore”—he wiped his nose again with his sleeve—“not even big things either just little things like…her blueberry pie and the way it smelled the entire house…I miss going down the stairs and hearing her hum to the same song each morning. It used to irritate me,” he laughed. “But I just miss it so much now…I just think this first year of training is really taking its toll on me now.”

“Hey, ya know what?” Ava said as she poked his cheek. He gave a broken smile as he glanced at her. His eyes were still really watery like he was about to break again. “Why don’t you write your mom and ask for the blueberry pie recipe and we can make it here?” Jean’s eyes widened and lit up. “I used to help my mom with baking so I have a bit of experience. I’m sure I can’t perfect it as well as your mom but it may give you a small taste of home in the meantime until we graduate.”

“You”—Jean wiped his face—“would do that?”

“Yeah, why not?” Ava smiled.

“That’s literally the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

“Yikes. Sorry for that,” Ava teased.

Jean laughed. “Okay! Let’s do it! I’ll write her and ask for the recipe!” His tone changed into a more excited one. 

“Yay!” Ava cheered with her hands up. 

Jean put his arms around her and lifted her from the ground. “Thank you! Thank you!”

“Ahh!” Ava yelled. Jean was much taller than Ava so it felt like a giant lifted her from the ground.

He gently placed her back down. “Sorry, I don’t what came over me,” he scratched his head. 

Ava laughed. “It’s alright. Do you feel better?”

“Yeah,” he smiled. “I do.” He moved his gaze to his hands. “This is going to sound so weird but…you’re kind of…” he glanced up at her with an awkward expression. “You’re like home to me in some ways.” Ava’s eyes widened a bit. “Not like in a weird way or anything!” he quickly said. 

Ava giggled. “It’s not weird.”

“In the least weird way possible,” Jean smiled. “All of you guys are like family to me.” He quickly wiped the smile off of his face as her realized that that sounded even more weird. “Is that a creepy thing to say?”

“No! Of course not,” Ava said. “I feel the same way about all of you. You’re my family.” 

Jean smiled from the corner of his mouth. “Don’t tell them I said that though. Especially Eren. That little twerp.”

Ava laughed. “Okay, I won’t tell them. But for the record, they see you as family too. Especially Eren.” 

“Really?” Jean was waiting for her to that she was joking. 

“Of course. I know you and Eren are constantly lighting a fire under each others asses but he does care about you a lot. He just doesn’t show it the same way that I do.”

“Hm,” Jean rolled his eyes.

“In fact, I think that’s his weird way of showing he likes you.” Ava grabbed the bottles and handed one to Jean. 

“I could sure use one of these—” he glanced at Ava with a peculiar expression as she bit her teeth into the cap. “Dude, what are you—”Ava’s cap screwed off and fell to the ground. Jean’s eyes widened. “How did you? But your teeth?”

She grabbed his bottle and did the same thing. “Valentine taught me that trick when we were kids.”

“You guys were drinking when you were kids?!” He grabbed the bottle from Ava. “Sheesh. Your parents must’ve been so cool.”

“They were actually kind of strict. But Valentine and I would sometimes sneak a beer from the fridge and sit in the closet and drink it.”

Jean laughed. “Definitely sounds like something she’d do. But you? I’m surprised.”

Ava smiled. “Me too, to be honest.” Jean laughed again. She held her bottle towards him. “To family.” 

“To family,” he repeated as he tapped his bottle on hers.

//

Eren glanced at Armin and noticed that he was shivering. “Are you cold?” Eren’s words slurred.

“Oh-uh. Yeah, but I’m fine.”

“Here,” Eren unzipped his jacket. 

“No-stop that. You need it.”

“We can share.” Eren wrapped one half of his jacket around armin’s shoulder and violently pulled it to where Armin’s body jerked towards him. 

“Eren,” Armin said in a soft tone. 

“Sorry. Hold on,” Eren slurred. “Let me just…” was all Armin heard before mumbles. He glanced down to see that Eren was rubbing the ends of the zipper strips together and wasn’t even in range of the actual zipper hook. 

“Here,” Armin brought his hands out from underneath the bottom edge of the jacket. “I got it.” Eren dropped his hands and sighed like it took all of his energy. Armin gently slid the zipper up until it reached the top. “There.” 

Armin turned his attention back to Bertholdt, who was telling some random story to the group, but Armin could barely keep up with the details and quickly became confused. He felt Eren’s stare and turned to him. “Hm?”

Eren’s eyes looked so heavy like he could barely keep them open. He tried to concentrate on Armin’s face and began to slightly sway back and forth. “Do you,” he mumbled. 

Armin laughed. “You have dragon breath.” This is what they called it when one drank so much that their breathe smelt of such intense alcohol to where they could ignite a fire if they wanted. 

“Like her?” Eren slurred. 

“What?” Armin smiled. It was hard to take Eren seriously. 

“Do you l-like her?”

Armin gave him a peculiar expression. “Who are you talking about?” 

“You know.” 

“No, I don’t.”

Eren sighed and drunkenly rolled his eyes. “Reiner told me.”

Armin glanced over at Reiner. Alcohol spilt from the sides of Reiner’s mouth as he gargled down his sixth bottle. “Chug! Chug! Chug!” Bertholdt, Sasha, Connie, and Annie all cheered. 

Armin shook his head and moved his gaze back to Eren. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I think you’re just drunk.”

“Reiner!” Eren screamed so loud and abruptly that it hurt Armin’s right ear. Reiner released a giant burp and slammed his bottle down on the floor. 

“Woohoo!” the others cheered. 

Reiner turned to Eren. “Huh?”

“Tell Armin!” Eren slurred.

Reiner leaned toward them. “What?” he tried to scream over the loud noise.

“Tell him about the girl!”

“Oh!” Reiner wiped his mouth. “I forgot about her.” 

“Who?” Armin asked. 

“There’s this girl who’s interested in you. She’s like a major nerd like you too and kept asking me to invite you to her study but I forgot.” Reiner grabbed Armin’s shoulder. “She’s a hot one too, boy, let me tell you.” Armin made a gross and awkward expression.

“Whoever won the last game gets to start this one,” Sasha interrupted.

“I know. That was me, idiot.” Valentine snatched the cards from her. 

Reiner turned his attention back to the others. “I won the last match, you liar!”

Armin moved his attention back to Eren, who looked somewhat sad. “I swear, I didn’t know,” Armin said in a soft tone.

Eren mumbled something but Armin couldn’t make out what he said. Then, Eren put his arm around Armin and pulled him closer but was so drunk that he hadn’t realized he pulled him so rough that they head butted one another.

“Ouch,” Armin said as he rubbed his head.

“But if you did,” Eren slurred as he slightly swayed. “You’d tell me, right?”

“Tell you what?”

“If you had a crush on someone.”

“Oh. Yeah, sure.”

Eren leaned into Armin’s face and whispered, “So do you?”

“You’re so drunk.”Armin slightly moved his head back. “And do I what?”

“Do you have a crush on someone?”

Armin’s eyes widened. “W-what?” he laughed nervously. “Why are you asking me that?”

Eren smiled. “Because, I think I know who it is,” he whispered as he stared straight into Armin’s eyes. 

“Uh—” Armin jerked his head the other direction. “You do?”

“Yeah.”

Armin was terrified. He felt his stomach nearly fall out of his ass. “Oh,” his voice trembled as he stared away from Eren. “Who, then?” 

Eren stayed silent for a long moment. Armin felt his chest tighten as he slowly turned back to face him. 

“I’m just joking!” Eren laughed. 

“Oh,” Armin laughed nervously but was on the verge of passing out. 

“But if you did, you would really tell me, right?” Eren asked. 

“Y-yeah.” 

Eren rested his head on Armin as he took in a big gulp of his beer. “I think I’m going to puke.”

“Me too.”

///

One year later…

Cadets gathered around a giant bonfire that took place a mile away from the training grounds so they wouldn’t get caught. It was the day before the graduation ceremony and the bonfire was a celebratory tradition. 

Armin glanced up at the stars that twinkled in the dark black sky above. He reached his freezing hand for the two laces that dangled from the edge of Eren’s hoodie that he wore. He closed his eyes as he felt the warmth it gave off along with the warmth from the giant bonfire. He smiled and as he opened his eyes, he noticed Eren staring at him. Armin’s eyes widened. 

“What?” Eren asked. 

“Oh-uh,” Armin became somewhat shy. “I was just thinking of that night when we snuck out of your house…on Ava’s birthday.”

Eren smiled and glanced at the bonfire. “Feels like so long ago. We were just kids then.”

“We finally get to do our long awaited mission,” Ava said as she and Valentine walked up beside Armin. 

“Jeez,” Valentine said. “I actually thought I had a chance at getting passed those guards at the gate.” They all laughed. “And now…those gates will be opening up pretty soon for us.”

“I can’t believe it’s actually happening,” Ava said in a more serious tone.

“We finally get to see the world we’ve talked about,” Eren put his arm around Armin and pulled him closer. “Lands of ice,” he moved his bottle outward toward the bonfire as if he could already see it. 

“Fiery water,” Ava said.

Armin’s face blushed and he glanced up at Eren. “And the sea,” he said in a soft tone. 

Eren glanced at Armin and their noses nearly touched. “What should we do first?”

Armin stared into his eyes and instantly feel felt his face heat up. He could feel Eren’s calm breathing as his chest slowly raised and lowered. He could feel his warm breath brushing against his face. “The s—”

“Sea! I knew you were going to say that!” Eren smiled. “That’s still your favorite.”

Armin smiled. “Yeah. It is.”

“Panel 30 of A World With Titans,” Eren whispered like it was some big secret.

Armin’s eyes slightly widened. “You remember?”

“Of course I remember.”

Valentine smiled from the corner of her mouth as she watched them from the side of her eye.

“I don’t know what all that is about but,” Jean interrupted as he rested his elbow on Eren’s other shoulder. 

Armin’s smile quickly faded and he jerked his head away to glance at the bonfire. Eren gave him a peculiar expression.

“All I know is that I’ll have the first titan kill and you can all suck it!” Jean said. 

Eren sighed and rolled his eyes. “We’ll see about that, horse face.” 

Jean scowled. “Stop calling me that!”

Eren laughed but the smile quickly faded as he became incredibly serious all of a sudden. He dropped his arm from around Armin and turned to face all of them. 

“Eh? What’s wrong with you?” Jean asked. 

“Can you guys promise me something?” Eren said in a serious tone. They all glanced at one another. “It’s just...we’re graduating now and all of our lives will be very different from this point on. Nothing will ever be the same. Especially after we leave out those gates,” he glanced at the ground. “Just promise me that,” his breath shortened and he struggled to get his words out. “We’ll try our best to all make it out of the scouts alive because…I-I don’t know what I’d without you guys. You’re my f…” he moved his gaze up to them and they could see now that his eyes were slightly watery. “My fam—”

“Yeah!” nearby cadets cheered as Reiner ripped his training jacket off and tossed it into the bonfire. 

“Idiot, you need that for tomorrow!” Jean yelled out. Reiner waved his hand out as if to say whatever. Jean moved his attention back to Eren to see his cheeks were deeply flushed now. “Ah!” Jean yelled as he stepped back. “What are you doing? Don’t do that! Stop that!” He pointed to Eren’s face. 

“Stop what?!” Eren yelled angrily.

“Stop blushing, you weirdo!” Jean screamed as his own cheeks went pink. 

“I’m not! I’m just hot from the bonfire!” Eren yelled.

Ava covered her face and glanced at Valentine and Armin to see that they all had the same blushed cheeks. But it was definitely not from the bonfire.

Eren crossed his arms and glanced to the side. “Don’t make this into a big deal. Just fucking promise me already so we can stop talking about this!” He violently stuck out his pinky. 

“You serious?” Jean laughed. 

“Hurry up!” Eren yelled. 

Jean sighed and rolled his eyes as he and everyone else wrapped their pinkies around Eren’s. 

“Promise!” they said at the same time.

[arty-shadow-morningstar]

Graveyard Siblings (4)

I am sorry for not posting in a while. School is a total bitch. Here is part 4 of a fic that is not a fic.

[Masterlist]

(Part 1)(Part 2)(Part 3)

-------

Tall Marinette.(I admit I might be projecting a little here.)

One day, she took out something from someplace high and the whole family realized that ‘holy shit when did you get so tall?’

Bonus if Jason comes back from a long mission and had a wtf moment because she was wearing 6-inch-heels and met his eyes with them on.

“Pixie?!”

------

You know how Bruce has the identity of Matches Malone to infiltrate the Gotham Underground.

While Jason does the drug deals more street crime stuff, Maria uses an excuse of being the representative for Red Hood excuse to mingle with the rich people who does crime on the side (Penguin), she uses it to go to black market auctions and buy some of the lost miraculouses which got into the hands of black market dealers.

Jason knows about it and acts as her ‘bodyguard’ anytime he can or sends one of his henchmen to be one with a death threat if she gets a single scratch on her.

Bruce is unaware of this. Or is he?

------

Mari helps with running WE since she is a little less busy with the vigilante side of things.

It started with Tim panicking about deadlines and Mari offering to help, to Bruce and Tim bullying the board to have her as co-CEO.

She has to be that and head of Afterlife. So she is very busy. Doesn’t know about what comes next….

------

Somehow the class comes to Gotham for a trip. It has been 3 years since her death.

Mari has changed her appearance since the day she left Paris. She has highlights in her hair after a ‘sibling bonding day’ with Jason. Her hair is kept short for convenience and not in pigtails. Along with her tall height and more confident aura, she is almost unrecognizable.

She rides a motorcycle too.

The class waits in the lobby for the tour and in walks this badass woman with aviator sunglasses, leather jacket and designer clothes which was all MT brand, making a lot of people swoon.

She takes off her glasses and walks past the class. Checking stuff on her phone and sipping coffee in her other hand.

She seems familiar but they couldn’t figure out why. (All except Chloe, Alix and Felix who are snickering in the background.)

Lila sees her and comments on how she must be a criminal with the way she dresses. (Lila internally freaks out because were her eyes messing with her? Because she looked a little like Marinette. Also jealous of the new arrival for stealing all the attention.) Alya takes the bait and calls security to ‘arrest’ her.

They just laugh. The class doesn’t understand, speaking in confused French.

-------------

“I am Maria Todd-Wayne, also known as designer MT. CEO of Afterlife and co-CEO of the very company you are in. I am allowed in here. Don’t judge a book by its cover.” she said in perfect French.

“But Lila told us you can’t speak French.”

“Who?”

“Lila Rossi, your friend. She told us that you and MT were dating.”

“Me dating myself. Okay I love myself because self-love is a thing but that is a whole other level. MT are my initials. Anyone who has a brain could have figured that out or at the very least do a Google search. I am not sure where your friend got that notion.”

“Hey, Bean, come on. We have a long day ahead of us.” Tim reminded her.

“Goodbye but cease the rumours or you would be escorted off the premises.”

As they rode up the elevator, “Tim, why are they here?”

“They are the lucky winners of the Wayne Enterprise Young Prodigies Contest. Why, Maria?”

“Lucky, huh.” She muttered under her breath. She might as well tell him. They are the Bats and they will find out anyway. “They are from my old class, the one you know…”

“Oh. Want me to send them back? I can do that if they are making you uncomfortable.”

“Nah. Too much to deal with. And it is unfair to send them back over a petty grudge. Besides, I could have some fun.”

“Anything that Bruce and I should be worried about?”

“I swear no killing. Just because Jason came back from the dead, hell-bent on killing. Doesn’t mean I am too.”

“Cool, just don’t do any property damage or traumatize our employees.”

“I might need you to erase some footage later and tell Bruce about this.”

“Some brownies, my favourite coffee cake, the ‘special’ brew and you have yourself a deal.”

-----

So basically she just showed up around where the class was ‘by coincidence’.

Talk to a few people and take them out of earshot of the rest of the class.

End the conversation by saying a few things only they and her would know. Insides jokes and secrets. (I pick her old childhood friends like, Nino, Kim and maybe Sabrina)

Uses Trixx to turn into a walking dead version of her 15-year old self and disappears as they freak out about how she knew that secret/story.

Freaks them out further by appearing again in front of the whole class and pretending not to know their previous conversation.

Mari manages to get Lila alone.

I should also say that Lila thought that her curse was making her see MT as Marinette.

It terrifies Lila when she finds out that MT is actually Marinette, not dead but alive after all this time and apparently living the high life she wanted. This fact made the Italian swell up with jealousy.

“I hope you are not lying about me again, Lila Rossi. Like you always do.”

“What do you want with me? I swear I didn’t say anything else about you.”

“Aw, Lila. Don’t recognize me?”

Maria flickers and Ladybug is in her place and later, the Marinette that appeared in her bedroom and back to normal.

“You! How? Why are you here? Why can’t you leave me alone?”

“Why not? I mean you did take away nearly all my friends, my parents and made my life a living hell. If you think about it, I am just repaying you the same favor. How are the others? Treating you well?”

“What did you do to me, you bitch?”

“I just put a curse on you. The ghosts of your past will haunt you until you stop.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop Lying, Liar. They all feed and grow in power from your lies. I wonder what would happen in a few years if you kept this up.”

“You think you can get away with this. This is war and I have already beaten you once.”

“Oh Rossi. This isn’t a war. It’s a death sentence.” With that she disappears.

Lila tries to tell her class that MT is actually Marinette. She is met with crazy looks. Some of them look like they want to believe her but don't because they don’t want to look crazy too.

Oh. Adrien wasn’t on the trip because his mother didn’t want him to go to the crime capital of America although the crime rate has gone down a little due to Hellbat curing some of the city’s bad energy..

Right after Lila told the class about MT, Scarecrow came to steal some Wayne tech and the class got caught in the crossfire. So later, it was brushed off as Lila seeing things due to the fear toxins.

-----

Joker made the mistake of kidnapping her. Once was enough to never try that again.

(It involved the use of nearly all of the Miraculouses, old and new. He was thoroughly humiliated at the end of it and his picture by the time Hellbat was done with him was on the Batfam’s Christmas Card. Like I said she doesn’t kill but making them beg for death was okay.)

It coincided with Jason’s Birthday and the video of the incident was ‘the best birthday present ever.’ The uncensored version was watched at the next undead siblings bonding day. Damian included.

After hearing a few rumours about what happened, most criminals were glad for Hellbat’s rare appearances. (which happens once a month and during really busy time of the year)

There was a time where Penguin was carrying out one of their plans and when Hellbat showed up, all of their thugs surrendered instantly. (No Batman did not pout at the fact that this French girl was more imitating than him.)

Scarecrow used his newest batch of fear toxin on her during the first year after she died.

He was astounded to see her still standing and she later proceeded to beat the crap out of him while being under the toxin’s influences.

He has tried to stay out of her way since then.

She saw Scarecrow as Hawkmoth and said a lot of things in French which scared everyone because she said it with so much hate, anger and in a very menacing tone that everyone is like ‘I am not touching this.’

It took Red Hood and Nightwing to restrain her from further beating Scarecrow up.

He was one of the people who sympathised with the Joker after the Incident.

The next was Riddler being so arrogant in his plans and managed to get Hellbat and Spoiler into a death trap.

“You know I have a few regrets in life. And my final one is that I got captured and am now going to get killed by a walking fashion disaster.”

“Hey! I made this myself. I will have, you know.”

“You have a brilliant mind but no sense of fashion at all. When I get out of here, I am going to burn that thing with you in it, for your crimes against fashion.”

“What is wrong with it?”

Cue a lot of roasting of Riddler’s costume and Spoiler adding more fuel to the fire.

They manage to escape while Riddler is crying on the floor, having an existential crisis.

The thing was no one knows why Riddler was silent the entire week after encountering Hellbat and crying when anyone mentions it.

They now think Hellbat is the scariest one in the Batfamily, second to Batman and tied with Black Bat/Orphan.

The few who find out what really happened in the warehouse that night. Blackmail material on the Riddler.

Three ( four if you count Penguin) of Gotham’s biggest villains of the Rogues Gallery scared of Bats’ newest addition. Hellbat was not someone they wanted to mess with.

---------

Magic crisis stuff. Like a world ending event thing. Dr. Fate says they need the Miraculous jewels but the last mention of them had been in Paris a few years ago and had vanished since then.

Costantine looked at Batman. “You know who you have to call.”

Batman calls Hellbat. Who hasn’t been introduced yet to the JL.

“Ah. Bats. Not that I question your authority or anything but how can your newest ‘ward’ help us?”

She takes off her helmet and reveals her face and more importantly, her earrings.

Tikki comes out of her hiding place.

“I am the current Guardian of the Miracle Box and wielder of the Ladybug miraculous during Hawkmoth’s reign in Paris a few years ago. Any other Questions?”

“Oh great Guardian. Tikki. It is an honour to meet you.”-Wonder Woman, who else.

“You too, Princess Diana. Pass on my regards to your mother.”-Tikki

A huge face-off and the big evil is defeated.

WW asks abt HM and gives a horrified face at the end of her story. Nearly everyone who eavesdropped on the conversation was.

"Forgive me, Guardian for not aiding you in your hour of need.”

“It’s okay. I understand that there are other crises, world-ending ones that JL have to take care of. I am better now. Mostly.”

“I doubt it with those revenge schemes I found lying around. But she is getting there with her therapist.”-Batman

“I hate you, Dad.”

“Did you just call him Dad?”

“No….”

“Do you see me as a father figure?”

“I see you as a nuisance with how nosy you are with my personal business. So you are more of a bother figure.”

“I see you as part of the family too, Daughter.” (Got that reference anyone?)

“Jason was the one who adopted me.”

“Legally you are adopted by me.”

Maria with Pikachu surprised face because nobody told her that. “My life is a lie.”

-------

(Part 5)

[stuff-from-the-void-matron]

Laurel Wreaths & Animal Teeth (11)

(c!technoblade x fem!reader)

(people showed chapter 10 some nice love so here’s chapter 11. sorry it took so long to get out. I threw my back out and doing just about anything has been physical torture. but I’m starting to feel better so here’s hoping I’ll write more soon. but remember, please comment and reblog. they keep me motivated! <3)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things settled down pretty well after the election. Almost unbelievably so. Wilbur pretty much completely disappeared afterwards. You felt worried and voiced your concerns with Niki, saying you hoped he wasn’t terribly upset he’d lost the election. You understand he no doubt felt incredibly attached to the title of president, and he may feel resentful of you for ‘stealing’ it from him. Niki smiled at you, glad you were being kinder about this than the other contestants would be in your shoes, but sighed and said,

“Yeah, he’ll probably be upset for a while. But I’m sure he’ll come around to accept you as the new president.”

You gave her a thankful smile, even if you didn’t quite believe her words. But then you paused and wondered if maybe, despite all your reservations about the brunet man, it was possible to smooth things over with him? Maybe all you needed to do was sit and have a talk with him. Perhaps he’d gone insane in the original timeline because both Schlatt and Quackity were… well, for lack of a nicer term, total dicks to him. They were openly antagonistic to the former president, banishing him and his younger brother from the very nation they fought and died for, which no doubt added to his crumbling mental state after L’manberg chose a new leader.

But maybe you could be different from Schlatt and Quackity. Honestly you had no desire to be cruel to Wilbur, though you would not put up with any of his BS, and honestly you hoped to have a neutral relationship with the man. So you decided right then that there was no harm in trying. Your smile brightened and you nodded and said to the blonde woman,

“You’re probably right, he just needs some time. Maybe after a few days he and I can have lunch and just talk. Clear the air between us. I’ve never been president before so I’m sure he’d be a great help in getting me better settled in!”

Niki was super glad you were being so chill about all of this. She knew you were the best choice for president. That’s probably why she’d voted for you. (yeah she’d heard your little speech and was really moved) But she’d never tell Wilbur that. He fully believed she’d voted for Coconut2020, and to be fair she had intended to until she was so moved by your speech. You had a way with words that just put the listener at ease.

“Yeah, I’m sure things will be alright,” Niki replied with a cheerful smile.

-0-

You settled into being president pretty well all things considered. There wasn’t as much work as you were expecting there to be for a president. But perhaps your only frame of reference (the US president) was a bit different than your current job (l’manberg president). L’manberg was super small actually. Especially compared to the United States. Hell, Punz’ house was almost as big as L’manberg if you remember right. 

You’re glad there wasn’t much presidential work to do at that moment. Because you wouldn’t have had time to juggle that work plus going back to your village and packing up some of your stuff in your ender chest before telling the villagers (and azo) what actually happened while you were gone. Which had been an ordeal in itself. You felt bad for just leaving to a new place so out of the blue. But you felt obligated to complete the role of president given to you. You’d feel less obligated if there was some other option you felt safe passing the torch to. Someone not a child. That left out every minor on this server and Wilbur. 

Part of you considered Fundy and Niki for the job but another part of you doubted if they’d be able to handle it. Honestly they shouldn’t have to either. It’s no secret that being president is one of the most stressful jobs a person can have. Being in charge of the safety and well-being of a group of people is enough to turn anyone’s hair grey. Even if the group was just like 10 or so people like L’manberg had. You remember seeing a post about pictures at the start and end of American presidents’ time in office. And each president looked at least a decade older in each after picture. Complete with wrinkles and grey hair. Those happened in FOUR years! Their jobs were so stressful that they aged 10+ years in only 4 years.

You were pulled from your thoughts by Tommy practically shouting “We’re here!!” as you all made it over the hill that led to your village. The first thing you saw was the towering bamboo wall around the perimeter of the place. You’d been so in your own head that you’d actually forgotten about the two boys on either side of you. They’d insisted they accompany you to your village as ‘presidential bodyguards’ despite the fact you said you would be fine. They’d practically demanded to go, to ensure the ‘new prez’ didn’t get attacked on the journey. Amused and touched that they cared, you’d finally relented and let them come along. You’d only be gone a short while anyways. At least that’s what you told yourself. 

It didn’t take long to pack up everything you wanted to take with you to L’manberg. You put all the nice gifts the villagers gave you (as well as a couple of the banners you made) and some of the stuff you made and packed it away into a shulker box you pulled from the Creative inventory before picking up said box and putting it inside your ender chest. Then you just picked that chest up and tucked it safely in your inventory and you were basically done. With packing anyways.. You still had to talk to the villagers and let them know you had to move away for a while. But you doubted they’d be heartbroken or anything. Maybe bummed out but they’d understand. It’s not like they’d be lost without you. They’d been living in this world long before you showed up and they’d probably be here long after you left.

Then you were ringing the village bell. And like every time you did the villagers all poked their heads out from wherever they were to see who rang it and what was going on. And when they saw you they brightened and hurried over to see what was happening. They gathered around you and the bell, murmuring curiously between themselves. You sighed and cleared your throat, gathering their attention to you before you hesitated, not entirely sure what to say. Should you explain the entire story from start to finish? No, probably not. That would take a while and you felt like they’d get bored fast. But just blurting out that you were leaving felt too abrupt and blunt. Though your indecision ended up not mattering because Tubbo finally lost patience with the silence and just let the metaphorical cat out of the bag in his usual laid back candid way.

“Are you gonna tell them you’re moving away?”

Oh that caught the villagers’ attention and suddenly you were surrounded by displeased grunts and hums, like surround sound stereos. You sighed and confirmed yes, you were. So with the news out there you started explaining what happened the day before, or at least a shortened version of it. You mentioned how you’d gone to support Tommy, placing a hand on his shoulder as you said this. Then you said how you’d sorta advised everyone to vote for who they felt would lead them smartly, and how you guess they took that as you entering the presidential ring.. And finally how you’d won the election by some points and how you’d not wanted to reject their trust so you’d accepted the job…

“Reader is our new president!!” Tommy practically shouted, clearly excited. 

Though from the disgruntled murmurs from the villagers they didn’t seem happy.. But you told them it would be okay. You’d come and visit them as often as you could while juggling your new job. But even with that promise they didn’t seem happy. Your shoulders slumped a bit and without thinking you said,

“I’m not happy about having to leave the village and move away either. But I made a promise to the people of L’manberg, one I intend to keep.” 

Despite not feeling the best about this you were determined to keep your word.

“Besides, it’s not like I can just pack up the village and move you all next to L’manberg!” you said with a flippant wave of your hand.

But the idea didn’t sound too bad to the villagers. They basically worshipped you as their guardian deity. So if loading up all their possessions and hauling them to a new place meant they got to stay within reach of their deity then so be it. They’d still be living in squalor if it hadn’t been for your kindness and generosity, so they wanted to follow you wherever you went. Be it sunny skies, harsh rain, freezing snow. 

So they all made excited grunts and you blinked at them, catching on to their train of thought pretty fast. You shook your head, missing the confused looks the two teen boys were shooting between you and the villagers, and said they couldn’t follow you to L’manberg. Hearing this made the boys’ eyebrows shoot up and they started asking if the villagers wanted to come live in L’manberg. You sighed and said they seemed to, yes, but it wasn’t viable because there was nowhere for them to live! Moving them all on a spur of the moment thing would be reckless. Not only would the journey be very hard on them and take quite a while but there’s also no homes available for them in L’manberg. 

“We could make some houses for them if they want to move to L’manberg!” Tubbo said with a little grin, not seeing the issue with them coming over.

You rubbed a hand down your face, careful not to jostle your mask too much. But then you sighed and finally caved in. 

“Okay, you can all move next to L’manberg,” you began, but before they could cheer you cut them off with, “BUT! They can’t leave today. I refuse to let them take the whole long journey to L’manberg just so they can be homeless when they get there.”

You said you and some others (who you would pay) would build a new village next door to L’manberg for them. And once it was complete you would come back and help ferry them all over safely. But you might have to take them over in small groups to avoid hostile mobs and stuff. Though despite all the risks the villagers seemed quite happy with everything. So you pulled out your notebook, the same one you’d used when you first showed up to the village actually, and made a note to start construction on a new village to either the North or East of L’manberg. Or whatever side had better building room. But now that that all was settled you bid the villagers goodbye, saying you’d start construction as soon as possible.

With that out of the way you decided to pay a visit to Azo. You missed the adorable little piglin and hoped she was doing okay. Your boys followed you into the Nether, asking what you needed from there so badly. That made you pause and realize they’d never officially met Azo! You smiled down at them and said you’d sort of taken up guardianship of a little piglin girl who lost her parents. You’d expected questions and some comments but got nothing but silence in return, which left you feeling a bit confused. But when you glanced over at the boys you saw Tubbo looking lost in thought and Tommy looking mildly upset. This caused you to stop short, which made them pause and look back at you. 

“What’s wrong?” you couldn’t help but ask.

But they both waved you off, Tubbo with a soft ‘what do you mean?’ and Tommy with an almost harsh sounding  ‘nothing’, both of which didn’t sound the least bit convincing. So you tilted your head to the side and in a firmer (but still gentle) tone you asked again what was wrong. Tommy’s nose scrunched up and he crossed his arms, adamantly saying nothing and asking if you all could hurry up and see ‘this kid’ since you had to hurry back to L’manberg. Tubbo tried to piggyback off Tommy, his smile attempting to be brighter as he agreed, saying he wanted to meet your ‘new kid’. That’s when it hit you..

“Are you two upset that I adopted a kid?”

Tommy wasn’t very subtle with his feelings, his loud “WHAT?! NO!” didn’t convince you of his supposed ‘uncaring’ regarding the situation. Tubbo however reacted slower than his friend, like he was processing what you’d asked before he gave a laugh that sounded too stilted to be genuine and denied being upset, saying that was ridiculous. Tommy actually started walking away, heading in the direction you three had followed when you were together here last time, with the goatish brunet watching him anxiously. But you called for him to stop and come back, maybe a touch sterner than you’d wanted. But when the blond came back to you he refused to look at you, just scowling down at his feet. You felt your heart ache at the sight and let out a calm breath.

You wrapped one arm around the blond’s shoulders and the other around his back, pulling him into a comforting hug. You laid your cheek on the top of his mop of hair, glancing down at Tubbo who was shifting between watching you both and glancing away nervously. Without much thought you removed the hand holding Tommy’s back and instead used it to carefully tug the brunet boy into the hug. They just stood there at first, still and awkward almost. But once Tubbo wrapped his arms around your hips and Tommy’s back his blond friend quickly caved and sunk into your warmth, wrapping his arms around you both tightly, like he was afraid you’d both disappear. 

You took a breath and gently began to rock the two back and forth, missing how Tommy’s eyes pricked with hot tears as he heard your steady heartbeat against his ear. After a couple minutes of just standing there relaxed into the hug you said quietly but with as much emotion as you could put into it,

“Tommy, Tubbo, please talk to me. I can do many things, but reading minds is not one of them.”

You felt your shirt become warm and you frowned and hugged them tighter,

“If something is bothering you two, if you’re sad or upset or angry then you need to tell me so I can maybe do something to make you feel better. I never wanna see either of you upset, so please… talk to me?”

The air around you three was unintentionally heavy, only the sound of fire crackling nearby broke up the silence. It was killing you to remain quiet but you didn’t want to push them to speak. That would just make them clam up and possibly push you away. So you waited, just holding and rocking them as you did. And your eyes brightened when your patience was rewarded.

“.... Why’d you have to go and get a kid?”

You half expected for Tommy to be the one to break the silence, he was always so against the quiet. But no, instead it had been Tubbo who finally buckled and voiced his thoughts. You couldn’t help but ask what he meant. And he sort of stuttered over his words, not sounding exactly sure what he wanted to say before he got his thoughts and mouth to cooperate.

“I thought you already-.. I mean you have us.. Why’d you-..”

If your heart could physically break like glass then you knew after hearing that it would be in a hundred pieces on the floor. You couldn’t help but pull them closer and bury your face between theirs, unknowingly letting out a softened keening sound. 

“I want you both to listen, just because I take another child under my wing doesn’t mean I no longer care about you two. I don’t think I could ever stop caring about you. You’re my boys, and I-....” here is where you hesitated, not wanting so sound weird but you continued,

“If you both want… I mean since neither of you have one to my knowledge… I’d happily be your mom.”

Shy isn’t exactly how you’d describe the two boys you’d begun to care for, but there was no other word accurate enough to describe how they agreed to your offer to be their mom. Tubbo gave an almost meek, “alright, sure” while holding onto your waist and Tommy gave a long-suffering sigh while trying to discreetly wipe his eyes and said, “I guess you’re cool enough to be my mum. Barely though.” That caused you to let out a loud guffaw, your grip on them loosening enough to where you could ruffle the blond’s hair.

“Ohhhhh, Big man himself thinks I’M cool? Very high praise~”

The heavy atmosphere lightened and your laughter had the two boys laughing too. But then a sly grin took over your face and you chuckled. The sound alerted the boys of your mischievous mood and they looked up when you started talking.

“Well, now that you’ve accepted me as your mom I’m legally obligated to do all sorts of ‘Mom Stuff’, I hope you realize that. Like making sure you both eat things besides bread and meat, make sure you sleep regularly, and do the spit thing when you’ve got dirt on your face.”

They gave you a look that was a mixture of confusion and mild disgust, and Tommy couldn’t help but blurt out,

“What the fuck do you mean by ‘spit thing’??”

Unbeknownst to him, he’d activated your Mom Trap Card and your grin grew into a smirk and you raised your hand, casually commenting that he seemed to have a bit of dirt on his cheek, and then you licked your thumb and moved it towards his face. He shrieked and practically threw himself backwards to avoid your spit covered finger. But you still had your arm around his shoulders so he didn’t get far. He rapidly screamed out a verbal blur of ‘nonononoNONONO!’ that had Tubbo nearly doubling over, howling with laughter.

Though his laughter abruptly cut off with a gasp when Tommy escaped your hold, causing you to turn your sights on him. He let out a noise that sounded suspiciously like the bleat of a goat before turning and running from you. You just cackled and chased after him, your longer legs giving you the advantage. You caught up with him before he knew it and lifted him in a backwards hug. Now it was Tommy’s turn to laugh at Tubbo.

But you did let him down, without cleaning his face, and smiled down at the pair and said sincerely,

“All joking aside… I think you two would make a cool pair of big brothers..”

Tommy took that and ran with it, saying of COURSE he would be! He was practically Tubbo’s big brother already! Which just caused Tubbo to argue with him that uh, NO, he was older than Tommy! So HE was the older brother out of the two of them, if anything! And oh boy that caused them both to go back and forth, arguing about who was the ‘older brother’ between them. Tubbo insisted it was him because he was born first but Tommy insisted it was him because he was taller. You just shook your head and led the bickering duo down the familiar path to Azo’s little ‘house’ you built her. And as you reached the open area you saw her outside the house playing with a couple other baby piglins. But when she looked up and saw you she squealed happily and all but sprinted over to you. You made sure to bend down and hold your hands out to catch her. 

She was so excited to see you again that she totally missed the two boys standing at your sides. At least until she heard them and then she stiffened and stared down at Tubbo from her place in your arms. Neither boy really knew what to say so you decided to intervene and put out introductions. You tapped her hand and smiled down at her, helping her worry ease a bit.

“Azo, I missed you! I want to introduce you to my sons! This,” you gestured to Tubbo, “is Tubbo. And this,” you turned your head and pointed to the blond on the other side, “is Tommy. They’re both very nice. And they wanted to meet you!”

You turned so you and Azo were both facing the boys and saw them smiling genuinely. Relief flooded you, thinking they were actually glad to meet the little piglin, unaware the smiles were more stemming from the fact you’d called them your sons so easily.

But you saw the wariness still on Azo’s face and worried she’d not like her new brothers. Suddenly you got a bright idea and your smile widened as you spoke up and said, 

“Hey, don’t you two have a gift for Azo? Maybe something yellow and shiny~?”

Tubbo’s mouth dropped down into an ‘o’ as he realized what you meant. Then he elbowed Tommy and then pulled open his inventory and started looking through it. Tommy glared at him, moving his arm away after getting jabbed, but then his eyebrows raised when he saw his best friend pull out a gold ingot from his inventory. Then he understood what you meant and hurried to look through his inventory as well. Thankfully he did have some gold ingots leftover from when he was crafting golden apples.

Azo perked up when she saw the gold ingot Tubbo had taken from his inventory. And when he offered it to her she couldn’t hold back the happy snort she let out as she joyfully accepted it. You giggled at how she admired the saffron colored bar. And when Tommy extended his own gold ingot you laughed when Azo’s little tail began to swish back and forth in glee as she took that one too. She looked so cute as she admired her new items. You rubbed her back and said,

“See? They’re pretty nice, right? Why don’t we go have something to eat? And we can hang out.”

The tiny piglin seemed more than happy with that plan and snorted happily. You carried her towards the house, her little friends having long since scurried off. The teens behind you followed your lead, joining you in the house. You sat Azo down and suggested she show off her toys to Tubbo and Tommy, which she started doing gladly. The two played with her while you brewed some tea and crafted some cookies. Chilled rosehip tea and shortbread cookies were on the menu and after it was all done you laid it out on the table before calling them over. The boys were all too happy for the chilly drink, the cold giving them reprieve from the heat of the Nether. But Azo was shocked by the cold, not having experienced something like this before. It took a bit of explanation to get her to give it a try, and despite how it made her shiver she seemed to really like it. And cookies were always popular. So the plate was emptied in a flash.

As you sat with the three, listening to Tommy brag to Azo about how ‘cool and tough’ he was and how he’s practically a hero in the Overworld while Tubbo interjected with contradictions, you felt yourself smile serenely; truly happy where you were right then.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@lady-bee-fechin @kacchasu @putridjoy @lunawritesstories @galaxypankitty3030 @paradigmax @zachariethememerie @killmewithafanfic @trinity-1002107 @hufflepuff-demigod @truthdaze @exorcisms-with-elmo @redbloodtea @heythereimhaylz @olyink @jackalopedoodles @nikkineeky @artsimatsu @hufflepuff-demigod @corpiet @beepa99 @anxiousnarwhale @bananaaddictmilkshake @realitycanbeajerk @lostandsouciant @thegeekisheere @sparkling-gayyy @woman-soot @xxtwizztedxx @v10dw4lk3r

[theheraldsrest]

“Inner circle receiving/giving gifts”

‘Tis the season, you know? -Cabot

Cullen

 He’s that type of person who has been with a group for a long time, but still doesn’t know what to get anyone. His main gift to people are sturdy and powerful weapons. Receiving a gift, he’s quite humble about it and accepts it, unless it’s from Sera. His favorite gift, though, would have to be receiving a weapon made just for him, a new cloak, or even a box of baked goods from home. If romanced, he’d either still get them a weapon but with etching on it saying “Andraste’s Blessed” or he would get them something so simple, yet so meaningful such as a piece of necklace with a small chess piece tied to it. He's such a mess if you get him anything, keeping it with him or putting it somewhere he can see at all times.

Josephine

 She tries to get everyone such fine gifts: cloaks, clothes, candies, and cakes. She tries to make the gifts perfect for everyone. When receiving a gift, she absolutely adores it, complimenting details and designs, thanking her friend over and over again. Her favorite gifts are new parchment, quills, ink, a new writing stand, and the little cakes from that one shop, oh dear she really should write a ‘thank you’ note to them- If romanced, her gift is all she can talk about for the rest of the day, or if she can’t talk about it, admiring it. She also gets her love their own signet ring and tickets to the opera, "since you loved it so much last time!"

Leliana

Oh she knows EXACTLY what everyone wants, you can bet on it. She knows what everyone is getting and for who and if there is something in particular they want. Even if it’s impossible to get, she finds a way, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t add her own little touch to it, a simple Inquisition emblem for each of her closest allies and friends or even a feather tied to it. Get this woman shoes. Honeyed wine is also a plus. Hums in delight with each gift, thanking everyone, including Cole as she opens a box with a nug in it. 

Vivienne

She does what she believes is a service to the inquisition by giving everyone an outfit that actually looks presentable. If not an outfit, at least a specifically made piece of jewelry for everyone. Get her anything exquisite and she’ll be pleased. Of course, you get her something so simple as a tome of magic, she’ll be delighted and gushing over it.  

Varric

Most of his gifts are jokes. Bull gets a shirt the size of his man boob upper peck, Solas gets a paper smiley face, Cassandra gets ANOTHER fully edited chapter of Swords & Shields, etc. It’s people’s expressions that are the best gift he could receive, he says. If you wanted to get him a gift, look no further than giving him a joke right back. Seriously though, he does appreciate those, along with some new improvements for Bianca, a new coat, or even new boots. He’s a simple man with simple needs.

Cole

Four words: Get. This. Boy. Puzzles. Really, anything is fascinating, but puzzles just seem to keep his attention, to a point where he’ll have other people do it but listen to how they solve it. As for giving gifts, it’s...questionable. Varric is wondering why his son his boy Cole gave him a candy wrapper until he explains that he heard Varric say he needed help ‘wrapping up’ his story and Dorian is trying to contain his laughter when he connects the dots between him having said that he was quite ‘cheesy’ to the cheese Cole left him. 

Solas

Sweet and simple, a small charm that he made to keep people safe. Everyone (including Sera, Dorian, and Vivienne) has a special one made specifically for them, some for magic, some for strength, and some for protection. Politely declines most gifts as he didn’t really request anything, but for some he does keep, such as books from Josephine and a new staff from the Inquisitor. He might have not asked for anything but it doesn’t mean he didn’t want anything. Painting supplies and some old artifacts are enough to have this old man grinning from ear to ear. Especially given to him by his Vhenan, he would be so joyous over such little things and a little surprised over how well his love knows him. You have no idea where he kinds an old ancient piece of elven jewelry that he gives to you as a gift, but he’s very excited to explain to you it’s value and the history behind it.

Cassandra

Someone help her, please. She doesn’t know what to get anyone or what anyone likes. In the end, she settles on just getting everyone war horns. Some appreciate the thought, some are never able to find them after receiving them, and others have theirs taken away immediately because they won’t stop blowing them at midnight cough SERA cough. For gifts, if you want to make this woman happy, just get her some new armor or even a better fitting sword. Romancing her, she actually tries to find something meaningful for you, such as a shield with your emblem on it, sturdier than any you’ve ever used even if you don’t use a shield. You have also come to learn that if you want to steal this woman’s heart, just get her romance novels and poetry.

Iron Bull

Ale. Beer. Alcohol. That’s his gift to everyone. There’s nothing more to say, he just gets every alcohol and then challenges them to a drinking contest. He’s happy to receive armor, weapons, potions as gifts, you know the usual stuff, other than the shirt Varric gives him. Romanced, whatever you give him, he holds it in high honor. A dagger? He’ll use it for everything. A new eye patch? He wears it all the time, barely ever wearing his old one. Armor made from dragon scales? Everyone is surprised to see him trying to keep it clean. As for giving, you have two options. One, he gives you his old eyepatch along with a dragon’s horn, saying he “has his eye on you.” Your other gift is rope, to which he hints at making you his gift later.

Dorian

He’s never really had many people other than his family that he could give gifts to, nor did he want to give gifts that said “I’m doing this because I have to.” So he went with gifts that said “I tolerate you” such as rings that he enchanted himself to help them in battles to come. He would never admit it, but it did bring him some joy to get gifts that weren’t just clothes and jewelry like he usually got. Instead, he took it in stride with everything he received, even the box that had an angry buzzing emitting from it from Sera, her only response being “Throw it downstairs when Egg is being annoying.” If in a romance, he frets over what to get you. Nothing too gaudy but also nothing too simple, he wants you to know that he cares but not make it overwhelming. He finally settled on giving you his family amulet. He jokes about you returning it in disdain but is actually really pleased when you keep it. That said, he’s only very excited when he finds out that you got him several books of rarity that delve deeper into magical studies.

Sera

Those who accept her gifts take it with caution. Most of the time it’s harmless jokes, others it’s close to almost getting hurt The bees, they’re everywhere. You don’t even have to look far for a present for her. Hell, send her a bucket and she’ll think it’s the best thing in the world before filling it and placing it over a door. In a relationship, it’s still all jokes. She gets you a crude model of Corypheus’s head with a dumb expression or her own artistic rendition of her naked body. Anything you get her that is meant to be sentimental rather than joking, she’s all “Pfft, you’re such a lovey-dovey person. You’re gonna make me puke, Inky!” When in reality, she loves it and keeps it on her at all times.

Blackwall (Thom Rainer)

You bet your ass that he made little wooden carvings for everyone. Leliana receives a raven, Solas receives a halla, etc. He doesn’t deny any gits, but does mention quite a few times how he really doesn’t need anything. Doesn’t stop people from getting him new Grey Warden armor or even some weapons. When romanced, he makes sure to add even more detail to the carving he makes for you, little things that only you and he can recognize, such as how he drew a little griffon on the bottom or how he painted it your favorite color. You can see the twinkle in his eye when he sees that you got him some new wood carving tools and/or his own personnel Grey Warden emblem.

[ladyc0312]

A Jikook Guide to RunBTS: 66-80

Things in this batch start out a little slow, KM-wise, but seriously pick up around the Toronto episodes. It features the episodes where both RM and Jin ask if JK and JM are a couple, so it includes the giggly hand-push game that helped make me a jikook believer! 

As usual, let me know if I’ve missed anything or should take another look at something. :)

Ep 66 "BTS in a Comic Book Cafe Part 1" (Ep: 2 / KM: 1)

The one that I can’t help but feel would be more fun if I was more familiar with the comics involved, but the guys make it cute anyway

3:08 - This is a little hard to see because they use weird angles and cuts, but JK sings a piece of a theme song and JM catches his eye and sings with him.

9:23 - JK leans in over JM's shoulder to see how many people are on the comic book page

10:18 - JM does the same when it's JK's turn

BEHIND 10:29 - JM jokes around with JK and does the playful chest tap thing

Ep 67 "BTS in a Comic Book Cafe Part 2" (Ep: 3 / KM: 1)

None

BEHIND 7:28 - JM asks JK if there's a comic book he wants and says he'll buy it for him if so

Ep 68 "Heart Pang" (Ep: 1 / KM: 0)

The one where I can't for the life of me understand the board game they are playing

None. 

Ep 69 "BTS in Toronto Part 1" (Ep: 4 / KM: 5)

The Toronto one where Jikook wear matching denim shirts while going to Niagara Falls, getting lunch, and playing games

2:36 - RM says there are certain people who will struggle with the wake up challenge. JK and JM readily seem to admit it's them. 

6:29 - JM hangs back (to walk with JK?) when the rest of the group starts heading for the Falls.

8:06 - There's a "teleporting" moment where Jin is in between JM and JK, then the camera cuts away, then it comes back and jikook are next to each other. They stay next to each other as they walk on.

9:52 - You can see jikook interacting in the background.

12:25 - JM takes a photo of JK and gets him to giggle, then they huddle to look at the pic.

13:56 - JM puts his arm around JK and takes a selca in the background, causing RM to ask "what, are you a couple or something? Both wearing denim shirts?" He says it fairly seriously for a line that seems like it's supposed to be a joke and they don't laugh or say anything in response - it looks like JM looks away and flips his hair while JK shifts and awkwardly rubs his forehead. You can also see a quiet exchange after between RM and JM where RM says no to something, then nods at JK. Unclear if it's related, but including it just in case. 

15:25 - JK doesnn't try to distract JM while he did the staring contest like he did with Hobi. When Jimin passes, JK is the only one to clap. 

18:04 - Quick moment where you can see JK start to rub the arm of JM's shirt before the camera cuts away.

18:50 - JM laughs and touches JK's chest after JK loses the rocks paper scissor game, too.

19:53 - When the other five walk away and JK is doing something with his mic, we don't see where JM is.

22:02 - JK appears to help JM with something with his camera in the foreground.

BEHIND 4:12 - After JHope scolds JK for letting Suga pour everyone's water, JK goes to pour JM some water, then puts the pitcher down. JM seemingly tries to help him out by saying it's a new trend for the oldest to pour water. 

Ep 70 "BTS in Toronto Part 2" (Ep: 3 / KM: 5)

The Toronto one where the guys go shopping, pick beds, and play games

1:15 - JK slows down to walk side by side with JM.

2:00 - When JK messes up the game he was confident he'd win, JK laughs and playfully shoves at his chest.

7:23 - When JK loses a game and has to buy the others hoodies, JM sneaks a hat into the pile while JK has his back turned. RM rats him out.

8:01 - JM quietly puts the hat back in the pile, then walks over and hugs JK.

8:40 - JK walks over to Jimin to show him something (sunglasses he wanted?).

20:30 - When they're all joking around about whether they can fit four people on a bed, JK moves JM into an L-shape and then lays down nested with him.

BEHIND 0:09 - JK calls out "Jimin-ssi!" and tosses JM that hat he bought him.

4:49 - When the guys are all stretching and JM is in an inconvenient place, JK calls him "Jimin-ssi" again, essentially feels up his calf, and then pushes his upper thigh, all purportedly to get him to move over.

5:28 - JK kneels down behind JM, who's on all fours, and holds his hips to correct his position (I am literally just describing what happens in the clip, but I kind of feel like I'm writing porn, here...). JK then picks Jimin up to move him over a bit. Both giggle as JK starts to stand up and then the camera cuts away.  I can't even begin to think what exercising looks like for these two when there aren't cameras on them...

6:55 - JK reads out the words on the Jimin shirt they're all wearing, which happen to be, "BTS Park Jimin, I love you! I root for you! I'm ARMY!" with a huge grin on his face. Jimin laughs - no one else does - and then jokes that they should wear the shirts back to Korea, prompting JK to tell him "bye!" and wave while giggling. 

7:37 - Jimin shows the parts of the shirt design he would change by poking JK's chest, and then JK and JM share a fairly steamy look until RM interrupts. 

7:52 - JK folds up the shirt so JM's face looks weird and Jimin points to him doing it and laughs. No one else does.  Man, these two were really in their own world this whole Toronto trip, weren't they?

8:02 - JM tries to give JK some advice on the game he's about to play. Before starting, JK starts what seems like it's going to be a silly pose, but ends up being him dragging his fingers down his face, neck, and chest. Sadly for JK, JM wasn't looking. Happily for us, we can look as much as we want. 

8:18 - When JM wins a game, JK claps for him. You can probably guess by now that he's the only one who does. 

10:09 - JM steals a piece of steak, then JK does some cross-cut teleporting to come over and sink down into a chair next to him. JM overdoes making his eyes look big and innocent (perhaps hoping to get caught and scolded?).

10:35 - JM makes Jin move when he takes JM's seat next to JK I feel like just the Behind for this episode needs it's own jikook rating! And most of it is watching JK lead the guys in a workout. If you're going to watch just one Run Behind, consider making it this one!

Ep 71 "BTS in Toronto Part 3" (Ep: 3 / KM: 3)

The Toronto one where the guys have dinner, have breakfast, and play games

14:28 - Maybe nothing, but just to note it - in this and the next shot, you can see JM heading towards where JK is lying back on the couch after losing a game, then there's an abrupt cut and everyone is in a totally different position. 

29:20 - JK tells JM the "super-pancake" he made is for him since he has to do the penalties. 

BEHIND 6:59 - JM says that he thinks JK will want to eat and calls out for him.

Ep 72 "BTS and Mafia" (Ep: 3 / KM: 2)

The one in which we learn that BTS is so terrible at the Mafia game that it almost comes back around to being impressive 

3:10 - When Jin says JK is suspicious because he isn't talking, JM defends him, saying "you know he doesn't talk much." 

8:34 - JM seems to direct his appeal to be spared to JK.

18:16 - JK compliments how well Jimin is doing at the game.

20:13 - After Jimin says he's ARMY, JK asks, "do you like me that much?" Then there's a quick cut and Jin is doing a Jim Halpert face at the camera.

28:03 - Confusing maybe-moment - let me know if it's clearer to anyone else! - but after JH is sending finger heart guns, JM points gun fingers directly at JK for no apparent reason. 

BEHIND 2:39 - Before they start playing, JK predicts that JM and Jin will be good at the game.

Eps 73-76 “Run BTS Drama Parts 1-4″ (n/a)

The ones where BTS spend four episodes making a “comedic” skit

01:09 - After JK explains that he had a wisdom tooth taken out, Jimin adds the info that they had to take out the whole root.  09:10 - Even though V is the "director" of Jimin's scene, JK speaks up and takes over the role, saying that directors use informal language and repeating twice in informal language "Jimin, let's go!" He continues speaking informally when Jimin messes up and JK scolds him.  11:40 - When it's JK's turn to deliver a line and he gets nervous about remembering it, JM reads it out loud for him. He also says as soon as JK delivers the line that he did the best job and adds to Hobi, "he doesn't get embarassed, I told you."  16:26 - It's a little hard to see for sure, but it looks like Jimin votes for JK when it's time to choose who should be the skit's director. I'm going to be totally honest with you guys - I didn't rewatch these episodes past this. I first saw it months ago and remember being disappointed and fairly bored through most of it past the first half of the first episode - I don't find the skit funny and the behind-the-scenes stuff isn't amusing enough to make a four-part episode about. I’m sure there are others who completely disagree with me and no judgment if you don't share my opinion! But I'm doing this guide for fun and I don't want to spend two hours rewatching them. 

I don't recall a ton of jikook beyond the above - I think there's a moment in part 3 where JK is getting tired and Jimin offers to take over slating for him. So, anyone who is a fan and knows / finds more jikook moments, please let me know and I will update this guide to reflect that. Otherwise, let's happily move along. :)

Ep 77 “Food Guest Part 1″ (Ep: 4 / KM: 5)

The weirdly-named ones that are prob better translated as "food connoisseurs" but the specifics of the foods theme don't really matter because JIKOOK  

07:41 - When Jin says JK and JM will be competing in a palm-push game, JM says he's already lost (because JK is strong).

07:55 - I'm fairly certain that, if you're a jikook-er, you've seen this moment. It's so unabashedly flirty a description can't really do it justice.   JK and JM are supposed to be playing a game where they put their palms together and shove to see who can make the other lose their balance. JM shoves lightly at JK's chest before they even start the game, then both start giggling. Still giggly, JM asks if JK's ready and JK says he is. JM pushes at JK's palms and JK just swings his arms back as they look at each other and smile. Jin interrupts to ask, "are you a dating couple?" (that's the most direct translation - V app translation is "are you two together?"). JK and JM both laugh, the latter so hard that he spins around, thus losing the game. 

17:08 - JK is staring so intently at Jimin on his knees with a blow-pen in his mouth that he completely misses RM trying to give him a high five. Jin has to call for JK to please respond to RM before JK looks away and returns the high five, laughing and apologizing. He looks back immediately after. 

BEHIND 0:58 - JK gives JM a shoulder massage while holding his chest as JM makes satisfied noises. I've seen this clip in compilations before, but hadn't realized it was also from  this episode. It's really the gift that keeps on giving! 

4:29 - Just prior to the above palm-push game, JM reaches out to do something to JK's sleeve (I think?). The camera cuts before we see clearly.  

4:31 - Slightly different angle of JM and JK giggling at the start of the palm-push game.

7:11 - Reveals that RM actually tried to high five JK and was ignored TWICE before Jin called JK's attention away from JM on his knees with a blow-pen in his mouth. 

Ep 78 “Food Guest Part 2″ (Ep: 3 / KM: 3)

15:00 - JK jokingly asks what the answer is and Jimin giggles at him as the on-screen text says, "how adorable." Unsurprisingly, the others are less enamored. (JK's biggest fans = 1. Jimin  2. Run BTS on-screen text writers)

BEHIND 9:56 - JK watches JM dance playfully, then wiggles his own hips, seeming to want JM's attention. Jimin smiles and starts to say something that gets cut off. 

10:03 - JK films JM as JM dances and smiles while looking into the camera. Jimin is doing silly dance, but JK zooms in on his joyful face. He quickly licks his lips as he watches. 

[doitjake]

The music in us - P1

Jake kiszka x reader

warnings: none.

Requests: “two rockstars meeting in a festival, and both bands hanging out cause they are both friends with the struts, then jake starts falling in love w this person because of their personality, talent and charisma, they start to match in the second day of camping at the festival and then the bands have to play in the same day, jake tells his feeling and the reader doesn’t know how to react.”

A/N:  this was an incredible request and I took a while to post it because I wanted it to be at least reasonable haha. this is the first part, i will probably post the second part on saturday or sunday. I hope you like it and if you want to see a specific scene in the second part comment here or you can send me a message / question!!

Requests here: https://forms.gle/6uMRSCzFvyR2FgZPA

Being in a band with your 2 best friends and your cousin is definitely awesome, until the first week.

"POPPY WHERE'S MY FUCKING HAIRBRUSH?" A super angry drummer was seen getting on the bus.

"Ana, can't you speak a sentence at a normal voice volume?" That was Lexa, our guitarist or our mother, whichever you prefer. She performs both functions very well.

"No, I can't." She walks over to Poppy and snatches her hairbrush out of her hand. "At least not when vocalists with superiority complexes steal my stuff." She walks to the small bathroom on the bus as Poppy showed her the middle finger.

Even inside the bus you could hear several bands doing sound checks and stages being finalized outside. We had arrived at the Summer Rock Festival a few hours ago, it would be three days of festival, we would perform on the second day, after our friends from The Struts and before the boys from Greta Van Fleet.

"Luke texted me, he and the boys are already heading to the bar." Lexa stands up fixing the bottom of her beautiful dress that looked like it was straight out of the 70's, "So if we don't want to be late our dear drummer had better get out of this fucking bathroom soon."

"Hey, no swearing, Mom." I walk past her grabbing my leather jacket from the seat. "Ana! Let's go!"

By the time Lexa and Poppy are outside I am trying to find my cell phone amidst a pile of clothes, Ana finally comes out of the bathroom.

"Cousins by chance, twins by choice." She pulls up the sleeves of her jacket, just like mine, smiling at me.

I find my cell phone and slip my arm over Ana's shoulders, leading us to the bus door.

"Did I mention I hate you?" I ask coming down the small staircase and find Poppy and Lexa waiting for us to go.

"Hm, I guess not today yet." She goes to Poppy's side and pats her chin. "Stop drooling, Poppy."

Lexa and I turn to where Poppy was looking and find the 4 boys from Greta taking their instruments off the bus, about 50 feet away from us.

"Fuck you, Ana," Poppy starts walking towards the exit of the festival, where there is an avenue full of bars, nightclubs, strip clubs and karaoke places.

In less than 10 minutes we had already arrived at the bar and before we even entered Jed already called us shouting. "Hey, girls! Over here!"

It was always really cool to hang out with the boys, we knew each other because of Jed and Adam being friends with Poppy's older brother. We joined them and other people from the crew and some other artists at the festival and less than 2 minutes later several bottles of beer were already on the tables.

I looked at my band mates, we spend so much time together that it is fun to analyze them socializing with other people besides ourselves.

Poppy was probably the most outgoing of us, everyone liked her, she was always nice and polite to everyone and it was amazing to see men with long beards and leather vests making fun of a girl singing rock and then Poppy shutting them up, either with her talent or her knowledge.

Lexa was so calm that it is still shocking to me to see her play and totally transform on stage. She had a 70's hippie style that matched perfectly with her long blond hair and delicate features.

And Ana, my band mate that I have known all my life, my younger cousin. Certainly the strongest personality among the four of us, her life revolved around music, and I loved that about her.

Oh, of course. There's me too, but I don't think it's worth describing myself too much. I'm probably too dull around them. I wasn't outgoing like Poppy, I wasn't charming like Lexa, and I definitely didn't have as much personality as Ana.

My God, what a depression. I need another drink, one stronger than beer.

"Hey, I'm going to go to the bar. I'll be right back." I speak to Lexa receiving a nod in response.

Reaching over I choose the only drink capable of cheering me up.

"A shot of Jack Daniels. No ice please" I speak loudly so the bartender can hear through the music of The Who playing at the bar.

"I always thought it was the guitar players who were more into whiskey" A husky voice came over the music right in my right ear. "I thought bass players were more into vodka"

And then the seat next to me was taken by Jake Kiszka, guitarist for Greta Van Fleet, well I definitely can't compare to Poppy on the subject of "GVF FANGIRL", but wow.

"What about the vocalists and drummers?" I asked as the bartender left the shot of Jack Daniels in front of me.

"Vocalists? Probably some weird drink and drummers for sure are the beer guys." He smiles and turns the stool around facing me "I'm Jake" He holds out his hand to you.

"Y/N" I hold his hand.

"The bass player who made my theory go down the drain." He laughs arching an eyebrow.

"Well, maybe I'm an exception.

"Yeah, maybe there was a glitch in the matrix." He turns to call the bartender. "May I imitate you?" He indicates my glass with his head.

"You're the guitar player here, I think I'm the one copying you." I smile at him and he reciprocates, and shit, why do I think I could stare at him smile forever? And then I feel an arm on my shoulders.

"So you mean my friends are friends, and I didn't know?" Luke leaned one arm on me and the other on Jake, clearly not sober anymore. "Come on over to the table, antisocial people, your bands are waiting."

Luke releases our shoulders and looks at us. "Or are you guys busy planning to pick each other up?"

I could feel all my blood rising to my cheeks in a second, and thank God I had already swallowed the whiskey, otherwise I probably would have spit it all out.

"Of course not Luke." I gave a nervous laugh praying that I could disguise my embarrassment. Which only increased when Jake tilted his head to the side looking at me and gave a weak laugh and then getting up to walk over to the table.

Now there were more people at the table, including the other three members of Greta, and I sat down between Adam and Ana. "Please dig a hole and stick me in" I whispered to my cousin.

"With pleasure." She winked and smiled at me, "But may I know why?"

With the music loud and our friends talking around us I had to lean 'round to whisper right into her ear. "I was talking to Jake Kiszka and then Luke came over and thought we were going to kiss and I looked like an idiot."

"You always look like an idiot, cousin." He whispered in response. "But you want to kiss him?" Ana smiled mischievously.

"Oh my god, I was just talking to him."

"Well, you should kiss him, he's handsome." She picks up her beer and offers me a bottle.

"You say that because you have a crush on his twin." I open my bottle as I watch Ana choke on her own beer and cast a quick glance at Josh. "Oh come on, you can't disguise yourself." I laugh slapping our bottles together before taking a long sip.

"I don't have a crush on him." Ana squirms in her chair uncomfortably. "He's the lead singer, he has several women after him, and he must have a superiority complex just like Poppy."

"He seems pretty cool!"

"Y/N! ANA!" Poppy's voice managed without louder than the music in the bar, causing us to turn around and find 10 pairs of eyes staring at us. "Are you guys deaf?"

As I run my gaze around the table I realize that all the boys' crew have left, now it's just us, the boys from The Struts and Greta Van Fleet.

"Hm, hey!" I reply before Ana has a chance to cuss Poppy out.

"We're going to karaoke, the bar closes early today." Gethin gets up from the table, being followed by his bandmates, Josh, Sam, Danny, Poppy and Lexa.

"I'm in!" Ana stands up.

"I'm going back to the bus, I don't have as much energy as you guys." I stand up grabbing my cell phone and wallet.

"Let's go together." Jake speaks and I realize that he was the only one who hadn't gotten up until now.

"Ok" I say trying to look calm and not knowing why I am nervous, like a teenage girl who likes the popular boy.

I say goodbye to everyone and when I pass by Ana she winks at me, in a not discreet way.

After we pay for our drinks, Jake and I head out onto the streets of Chicago to return to the festival.

"Excited for tomorrow?" Jake asks as we cross one of the avenue streets.

"For sure, tomorrow and our days will have the best shows!" I look at him. "I feel like I might faint just remembering that I'm going to see Steven Tyler live tomorrow." He throws his head back and laughs. "Now you think I'm some kind of crazy fangirl." I smile.

"Oh, of course not." Jake returns the smile by looking at me. "The chances of me passing out at the Stones concert are not small either."

"So, you're a 'fangirl' for Keith Richards?"

"Definitely." He laughs again shaking his head.

"Does that mean that for you 'team stones' is right?

"Well, it's certainly a tough contest, but yes 'team stones'." He turns to me with the corners of his lips raised. "Team Beatles?"

"And a George stan with pride." I smile and wink at him amused. "Okay, important question."

"Okay, speak." Jake runs his fingers through the strands of hair that fall down the side of his face.

"Pearl Jam or Nirvana?"

"Is there a right answer?" He asks and I arch an eyebrow at him. "Okay, hm, Nirvana."

"You had a right answer! And you got it wrong." I smile. "Come on, Eddie Veder is almost a God."

Jake laughs and brings his hands in front of his body in a sign of redemption. "I don't disagree!"

And then I realize that we arrived at the festival some time ago and are now facing my bus.

"Thank you so much, for walking me here." I say to him, climbing up the first step of the entrance stairs, almost standing the same height as Jake.

"You're welcome!" He gives me a smile and puts his hands in the pockets of his black skinny pants. "See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, sure."

You smile at him and Jake moves closer and deposits a kiss on your cheek.

"Bye!"

“Bye, Jake!”

[citadelspires]

Ducktales AU Concept Because My Brain Runs On Concepts I Can’t Finish:

Dewey actually waits for the signal to start the boat and they actually leave for Cape Suzette without Donald finding out. He believes they’re ready to be left alone for small periods at a time and while he is still hired on with Glomgold the obvious complications there happen and he simply just goes back to whatever he was doing, because Scrooge wasn’t reinvigorated by the kids and never ended up going to Atlantis in the first place. Cut to the ambiguously set point of over a year later, and we get the return of Della from the moon, but to a drastically different world than the one she comes back to in the show. (For the sake of the au I’m just gonna say the moon invasion doesn’t happen cause the point of this is to focus on the characters and the imminent and impossible to stop moon threat would actually be impossible to stop in this au). I’m just gonna go through the characters and where they’d be at in this setting.

The first, and arguably one of the most affected is  Scrooge: He never got back into adventuring due to the absence of the kids pushing him back into the business. He continues to be profitable and avoid Glomgold’s attempts on his life but he’s generally less cheery and interested in the world than he is in the show. He cares about money and he only cares about money. Everything and everyone else are a second thought to him. Like she does in canon Della makes for McDuck Manor immediately upon return to earth only to find that the only one waiting for her is Scrooge. He opens the door to find her and his initial reaction is joy at seeing her but a secondary reaction he feels poking at the back of his mind is one of shame that this is the state he’s in for her to return to, particularly when she asks him where her kids are and he just tells her he doesn’t know. There’s a look of betrayal in her eyes when she realizes that he just abandoned everyone and cut off every aspect of the life he used to have and she doesn’t even try to hide it. Scrooge wants to offer to come with her to find them but something holds him back and he doesn’t. She runs off to find them herself and despite everything he wants to the contrary Scrooge just goes to his office like he would any other day, knowing that the person he’s been missing for over ten years now is finally returned after he thought she was dead and here he is acting like nothing is different.

Launchpad is fun because he never has any reason for Scrooge to find out he’s a pilot. He tries to mention it to Scrooge occasionally, like we see in the first episode, but just like in that episode he’s always ignored. Not that Scrooge would have any adventures for Launchpad to take him to anyway. So Launchpad continues being nothing but Scrooge’s driver. And that’s enough for him because he’s Launchpad you know? And he still looks up to Scrooge a lot, but he’s never given the opportunity to grow close to him, or anyone really. Fittingly enough for Launchpad, he’s just been living life on autopilot for a couple years, not really expecting anything to ever change.

Webby has two distinct directions you can go and I chose to go for the sadder one. She continues to be shut in the mansion. I choose to take her speech in the first episode about how she hasn’t ever left literally and say that Beakley kept her there her entire life. The possible other direction I mentioned is one where she only grows more anxious and hopeful to see the outside world and she’s basically just even Webbier than she already is. But that’s less angsty and enjoyable for me to mess with so instead I’m gonna go with she hit this wall at some point in the year or so between when she would have met HDL and when Della comes back from the moon. The weight of being alone starts to get to her and she starts to wonder if all her optimism and hopes are just a poor defense system put up to let her pretend she’s gonna have a better future than the life she’s got. She also makes continuous attempts to interact with Scrooge but the more he lets age settle in and distance himself from adventures the less she feels engaged with his existence. He starts to feel to her not like an idol or a model to live her life by but like a living, breathing symbol of how her hopes and positivity are shallow and baseless. Cause Scrooge McDuck was the only thing that kept her going for years and this is nothing like the hero she read about. But that’s the thing. She’s only really read about him. As far as anything heroic goes. So she reaches the final breaking point of all of this and decides that Scrooge is a fake and leaves behind her signature bright, bubbly attitude on life. This is the state she’s in when the story starts, to the point where a scene happens at some point after she gets drawn into the plot where she’s been outside of the manor now and Dewey offers her a hamburger and she says it looks disgusting.

Lena never got the chance to become friends with Webby and get her route into McDuck Manor. But that also means she never got the chance to learn about being good from the literal goodest person in the universe. She isn’t interested in doing the right thing and not hurting Scrooge or anything she’s just following Magica’s orders cause that’s what she’s being forced to do. But as part of the whole thing where she hasn’t got an in route into the manor she also hasn’t gotten any means of being successful in really any capacity in this endeavor. As a result Magica has... not. been kind to her. So while she isn’t evil she’s been living as magica’s meat puppet with the witch constantly in her head tormenting her for her failures for months on end and she was already morally ambiguous to begin with. So she’d take out Magica in a heartbeat if she could but there’s nothing that says she wouldn’t just explode afterwards.

Mark Beaks never had his B.U.D.D.Y. contested because Launchpad was never told about the self driving car and even if he had been he didn’t have the standing with Scrooge to make a difference and he didn’t have Dewey to help him make the declaration. As a result the product went up without any hitches. It was a massive success until BulbTech kicked in, turned evil, and suddenly it wasn’t. Anyone who could afford a B.U.D.D.Y. was using one, and the results were catastrophic. Not even Beaks had enough good press and money to pay for all that. He narrowly avoided prison but he was never taken seriously or given any chances to build up a company again. He still lives his life stealing technology and messing with inventions as he always did but now he does it a lot more illegally, a lot more dangerously, and a lot less sanely. Most devastatingly though, he gets like, no good press. People won’t even be caught dead following his twitter. He’s living his worst nightmare and he’s going to do whatever it takes to change that.

Gyro fires Fenton for leaking BulbTech on the internet and never looks back. He continues the work that Scrooge wants him to do and Fenton never drives him to push the envelope or do anything even close to what Gizmoduck becomes. He continues with his own dangerous projects and ideas but he does play it safe for some time. He’s content to just be making stuff, and Scrooge is content to just have stuff made for him. But he also never really gets to unleash that, well, part of Gearloose where he’s got a gear loose and it seems like he might just snap and make something really wild any day now.

Fenton never had to become Gizmoduck that iconic first time, so he just. Didn’t. The armor was left in its development phase as it was, and Fenton was never even considered to be the man in the suit when it reached testing. And it was only used for the menial tasks Gyro originally designed it for, as Fenton was the only one who had come up with the idea to use it for Gizmoduck at all, and he’s not there anymore, not that Gyro would listen to him anyway. Though it wasn’t as if Scrooge was in any state of mind to be hiring any superheroes in the first place. So Fenton continues trying to find some way to make a difference in the world with his intelligence but it... never really pans out.

Drake gets the role in the Darkwing movie, as in canon, as Scrooge is still interested enough in money to listen to the proposition for the film and try it out. The visit Launchpad has with Jim goes as his visits always do, and the fact that Dewey isn’t there to assist with Launchpad and attract Jim’s attention means Jim just gives up and leaves as soon as Launchpad faints, not even listening to what Drake is trying to tell him. So Jim never finds out about the movie until it’s already released, and Drake experiences no opposition in the filming, barely even remembering his one interaction with Launchpad at all. Scrooge cuts the budget for the finale but lets the movie go through anyway, despite his better judgement, mostly because he already spent the money. It’s a commercial and critical disaster and Drake’s acting career never gets off the ground, and he never has the inspiration to become Darkwing for real.

Donald continues to live just as we see him in the first episode, doing his best to support his kids while bouncing from job to job because he just can’t hold one down for any length of time. Life is hard for him but it’s the same as he’s always known it for the past ten years so he’s used to it, and having the kids with him is always enough for him.

Huey continues to make a name for himself in the Junior Woodchucks (i.e. robotics champion four years running) but he never really gets the chance to light the fire under his curiosity and love of knowledge. He learns as much as he can but it’s only as much as he’s ever been told he can. He learns within the boundaries of school and the Junior Woodchucks and that’s kind of enough for him because he never considers how much he could learn beyond the boundaries of how things have always worked. 

Dewey is as desperate to be famous and appreciated as he always is, and Dewey DewNight is most certainly still a thing, but it’s even less viewed and interesting than it is in canon. He’s not letting himself get disheartened but he looks at the way Donald lives on a boat and can’t hold a job and wonders if that’s what he’s gonna be someday. If despite all of his efforts and aspirations he’s going to end up falling at every turn and there’ll just be nothing he can dew about it. He doesn’t let it weigh him down too much but he’d be lying if he said it didn’t keep him up at night sometimes.

Louie is actually doing amazing. He’s living his best life. He’s lazy and scheme-y, still doing things like plotting that venture to Cape Suzette we see in that first episode, but he never has to wonder about his usefulness or place in the family, cause it’s just him, Dewey, and Huey, along with Donald. Donald is unemployed half the time, Huey is gonna be some big genius scientist guy sure, and maybe Dewey’s gonna get big someday but right now they’re just kids, and there’s absolutely nothing that makes Louie feel like that’s not enough. He doesn’t do as much here, there’s not any schemes that will make him rich or any Louie Inc, but the seeds of those ideas are still in his soul somewhere, he’ll find them when he needs them he’s pretty sure.

And that’s all the characters that I can think of to get into off the top of my head. I really just did this for fun so I don’t know if I’ll ever be doing anything else with it but these are all the ideas I got. Feel free to ask me about them or anything I’m just havin fun with it.

[keelywolfe]

FIC: Snowdrifts ch.5 (spicyhoney)

Summary:  Sorry so quiet, it's been a rough week. Not as rough as Edge's first day into parenthood, he's ready for some time off...isn't he?

Tags: Spicyhoney, Violence, Rescued Child, Medical Experimentation, Babybones, First Time Parenthood, Idiots to Lovers

Read it on AO3

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Read it here!

~~*~~

For a first day, all Edge had to say about it was that it could have gone worse.

He’d spent most of his day with Snow bound to him like squirmy little wormy, but there was no arguing that it worked. With a bit of experimenting, he found that he could have her facing outward while still being tied securely against him. She’d like that quite a bit and the only downside was having her tiny hands trying to assist in any of his tasks at hand. He could only hope Blue didn’t notice that the towels in the bathroom cupboard were folded somewhat…uniquely.

Not that there was any time for that when Blue came home from sentry duty. He’d barely taken off his boots and jacket before swarming over to steal Snow away. Edge wasn’t even entirely sure how Blue slipped her so neatly out of her sling, unless Stretch wasn’t the only family member who could bends the laws of physics.

“Aww, there’s a little wishbone!” Blue cooed. He swung her around as if he were about to make that nickname a truth. Edge only bit his tongue and said nothing. Snow was by no means hurt and Blue was already settling her on his hip as he bounced her gently.

Snow was somewhat doubtful over her new mode of conveyance. She looked at Edge, who tried to smile encouragingly. He was afraid that it was not one of his best efforts, but then, she was a baby, perhaps she didn’t yet know the difference between a smile and a grimace.

“I bet you’ve been cooped up all day, Edge,” Blue said happily, “Why don’t you go out and get some fresh air and I’ll look after our little Snow Monster?”

A little fresh air did sound nice. He was more accustomed to spending most his day outdoors, walking his traplines, not trapped behind four walls.

Still, Edge hesitated. “Well. I suppose I could go out for an hour.”

“That’s the spirit!” Blue said. He plopped down on the sofa, Snow in his lap. “Go out, meet some people! I, Master Babysitter Sans, will watch Snow for you!”

Well, meeting people was out of the question, Edge wasn’t about to enroll in a popularity contest on his first day, but there was at least one thing he wanted to do. “There are some bottles pre-made in the refrigerator. She likes it if you hold her outward so she can see. If she—"

“Edge,” Blue interrupted with gentle patience. “I’ve got this.”

“All right,” Edge still didn’t move. It was only when Snow began to tentatively explore Blue’s face with her little hands that he retrieved his boots. By the time he had them buckled, Snow was trying with some enthusiasm to poke her little fists into Blue’s wide eye sockets, something he was laughingly avoiding. It was ridiculous to linger any longer and Edge only took a last chance to say before he went out the front door, “I’ll be back soon.”

The moment the door closed behind him, he could hear a muffled wail coming right through it. He hunched down and struggled against the urge to go right back inside.

Stretch and his brother were right, he shouldn’t be the only one to care for her. Blue would simply have to learn the same way he was, the hard way. He wouldn’t be gone long, and she was perfectly safe, warm and dry, well-fed and well-cuddled.

So, despite his soul threatening to crack right in half listening to those bereft wails, Edge forced himself to turn away, boots crunching in the snow as he walked out of earshot.

It took him a moment to orient himself to the backwards layout of Underswap, but once he did, Edge headed off in the direction of the librarby. Despite his brother’s scoffing, a book on childrearing would surely turn out to be useful. Red certainly hadn’t been bitching about the worthlessness of booklearning when Edge found one full of recipes back in Underfell and began using it instead of relying on Undyne’s vigorous but dubious technique.

Once he was there, though, he stood in wonderment, briefly forgetting what brought him here in the first place. In Underfell, there was a librarby, well, a lib-arby, one of the ‘r’ had been stolen years ago, and why couldn’t those fools have taken the extra ‘b’ instead?. What few books were in it tended to have pages torn loose and trying to glean any information from them was something like scooping up water with a sieve. Most of the books Edge had—

(had, books he’d had, those treasured few books lost to him and never mind that he could recite them all by heart, they were forever gone, probably destroyed)

--were scavenged from the dump, days spent carefully drying them out. Perhaps if Red saw this librarby he’d be less doubtful of its usefulness because its shelves were burgeoning with volumes, every shelf filled and more stacked on the tables and front desk, so many books, and he itched to get his claws on every one of them, some underused literacy fragment of his soul woke and cried out for something to read.

Edge quashed it ruthlessly. He was here for books on childcare, not any of the ridiculous (wonderful) science fiction stories he’d sometimes found.

There were other Monsters sitting in twos and threes around the room, but aside from a curious glance or two, none seemed concerned about his presence. Edge lifted his chin and walked to the shelves as if he belonged here and began to peruse the selection. A little searching found him not one, but two books, one for new parents and another for the toddler years. He took them both, better to be prepared, and as he turned from the shelf, another book caught his eye.

A slender book titled ‘Pattycake with Pokey Puppy’. Obviously a child’s book and looking at the brightly painted cover suffused him with a sudden wave of nostalgia, a memory of curling up with his brother beneath a threadbare blanket in one of the back-alleys in New Home. The aching cold and constant gnawing hunger faded as he listened to Red softly read to him about Fluffy Bunny from a tattered old book, the front cover torn and filthy but so much like the one on the shelf.

Snow was entirely too young to appreciate being read a story. He already had two books, an entire townful of people needed to use this librarby, and it was a town he didn’t even truly belong in. He shouldn’t be greedy, he shouldn’t, and guilt was tight in his throat as he snatched that book up and added it to the other two, carrying all of them up to the front desk.

If the Bird working at the counter was appalled at his selfishness, they gave no sign of it. By all rights, they should have been looking at him in fear and given him the books in the hopes he would leave quickly. Edge knew very well the reactions that his appearance could cause, cultivated it in Underfell, and never let the way other Monsters cringed away bother him. If they were afraid of him, they would obey him, and their lives were more important than any petty wish to be admired.

Dressed as he was in one of Stretch’s rumpled sweatshirts, complete with formula stains and crushed up bits of cereal ground into the front, it seemed his threat level had decreased all the way down to acceptable Underswap levels. The Bird only smiled and stamped his books before handing them back over. He supposed the books themselves were also partly to blame for her lack of concern over having him in their quiet little librarby. Anyone checking out ‘Toddler Years: Surviving with your Sanity’ and ‘The Big Book About Little Monsters’ probably wasn’t going to go into a dust-crazed frenzy.

Books in hand, Edge started back to the Swap brothers’ house and he only took two steps in the wrong direction before he sighed and turned around. He’d get the hang of this Snowdin soon enough, at least no one was around to see him stop in his tracks and head back the other way—

“Sir!”

Edge paused warily, turning in the direction of that voice even as he struggled not to ready an attack, just in case. It was easier to dismiss the urge when he saw a young Bun dressed in bright purple stripes running towards him, carrying a large paper sack.

“Sir!” she panted as she skidded to a stop, kicking up slush and snow. “You’re Papyrus’s friend, aren’t you?”

It took him a moment to realize she was speaking of Stretch. “Yes?” he agreed cautiously. If this were about some sort of debt or prank—

The child only beamed happily and thrust the bag towards him. “My mama found some more baby stuff for you! Said for you to take whatever you need and give back anything you don’t!”

“I…” Edge reached out automatically before he caught himself, hesitating. “I’m afraid I don’t have any G.”

His confusion transferred to the child, “G? Oh, no, mama doesn’t want G! Our baby is walking and talking now, he don’t need it anymore!”

She thrust the bag into his arms and Edge took it, briefly too overwhelmed to speak. The people of this Snowdin had already been so generous, for them to offer even more was bewildering him past the point of gratitude. It reminded him of Blue who’d so often pressed them to take leftovers after dinner, bullying and cajoling until Edge found himself in his own universe with a bag in hand, so similar to the bag he held now. He didn’t understand it then and didn’t now, didn’t even know how to explain to them that it wasn’t supposed to be this way, not in his experience, not in his world.

But this wasn’t his world, was it.

The child was still standing in front of him, her hands clasped behind her back as she bounced on her toes. “Can I come see the baby sometime?” she asked hopefully. “Papyrus said she’s really cute!”

“She is.” Edge managed, trying to recover enough from his confusion to at least keep from acting like an ungrateful fool. He pulled out his phone and held it out for the child to see the background picture of Snow and her attempts to eat noodles. Even with the cracked screen, she was obviously as adorable as advertised and from the way the child cooed happily, she very much agreed.

“Aww, she’s so cute! I can’t wait to meet her!” A faint voice cut through the stillness, a name being called from one of the nearby homes, and the child looked in that direction briefly before turning back to Edge. “You should ask Papyrus to fix your phone, he’s real good at that stuff. I gotta go. Bye!”

He kept a close watch on the child to make sure she made it back to her home all right before turning back to his own path, bag in one hand and books in the other. Their house was soon in sight and Edge was half-afraid he’d still hear wails coming through the door.

But there was only the silently twinkling Gyftmas lights and Edge stifled his near-disappointment and headed inside.

Blue and Snow were on the sofa where she was currently squealing happily as she bounced on Blue’s knee and truly, Edge should be above his brief surge of triumph when he noted that Blue seemed more than a trifle weary. There was an empty bowl and a mostly empty bottle on the side table, proof that Snow’s appetite hadn’t diminished in the slightest. Blue’s scarf had a damp spot on it as if an infant chose to use it as their next gnawing target, and there was a smeary handprint right on his cheekbone that looked suspiciously like smashed peas, the green trail of it leading downward and freckled across the front of his shirt.

The baby looked over as he walked inside, and the moment she caught sight of Edge, her chortling glee faded. In an instant, her sparkling eye lights switched to a waterfall of tears and she began to squall, holding out both little arms to him.

Edge hastily deposited the bag and books on the coffee table and took her, cuddling her close until those tears faded again into happy giggles.

Blue only sagged back on the sofa, slinging an arm over his eye sockets as he groaned out, “How can someone so small be so tiring? You were only gone an hour and I’ve gone from magnificent to mediocre!”

“I’ve been wondering that myself,” Edge admitted. He snagged his scarf with his free hand, readying Snow to return to her beloved binding. He noted Blue watching intently with approval. Not that he ever thought Blue wouldn’t take his duties seriously, but it was good to have it confirmed.

“Well! I need to get off to Alphys’s,” Blues struggled to his feet, chuckling as he shook his head. “I never expected to see the day I’d consider training to be the less exhausting option. Papy should be home soon.”

“I have her, go,” Edge said, “but…you may want to wash your face first.”

One gloved hand flew up to Blue’s cheekbone. Pity it was the wrong one, “What? Why?”

“Better that you just go wash.”

Blue dashed for the stairs and Edge sat down in his place on the sofa, adjusting the sling so that Snow was comfortable against him. He reached for the first book, hesitating over the one on caring for an infant. His hand detoured instead to ‘Pattycake with Pokey Puppy’, flipping to the first page as Snow, already sucking on her fingers, looked up at him with large eye lights.

“I’m going to read you a story, little one,” Edge told her, “I think you’ll like it. I hope you will.” He began to read, “One little puppy, sitting by a fence—”

He was quite sure Snow couldn’t really understand him, but she still seemed to listen contentedly as he read. She snuggled deeper into his scarf and his arms, and didn’t react at all when Blue’s voice carried downstairs in a wail, “How did she even get it all the way in there…?”

Edge didn’t ask. He only kept reading to Snow about the adventures in patty cake for a poky puppy and his friends. He hoped she didn’t fall asleep too quickly. He wanted to see how it ended.

tbc

[daggery]

Can I ask for Carlos De VIl, for that character ask?

send me a character and i’ll answer with the below!

also for @hersilentlanguage​ <3

first impression: it was something like, good dancer, funny scenes, i could already tell that he’s the character who fandom tends to be all “aww he’s my pure soft cinnamon roll :((” about and i was right. MISCHIEVOUS. and again FUNNY although to be fair the entirety of d1 is hilarious. good aesthetic and color scheme

impression now: like the rest of the rotten four he grew a looooot on me (i’ve probably mentioned this before but the sea three were actually my instantly-fall-in-love characters for descendants so even though i mostly talk abt the core four now i still have a big soft spot for sea3.) back to carlos I LOVE HIM DEARLY he’s caring and blunt and determined and judgmental and soft and smart and uncertain and mean and funny he’s so funny. i love that he’s into stem and i love that he loves dogs and i love that he loves chocolate and think he deserves THE WORLD even though he probably wouldn’t really want it he’d just want to be at home poking at his latest contraption gadget building project he’s working on so instead i will simply think about jay or mal or evie giving him little metal parts or jewelry or handmade clothing or kisses bc i love him and them

favorite moment: to list just a few: the part when he plops down on the lawn and is like come on!! sit down!! sit Dooown. and then immediately goes :I ok now what. WHATEVER was going on in ways to be wicked i’ve said this before but i support everything and anything that wtbw!carlos does. his entire thing there was just. off the charts insane amazing incredible. d1 museum scene “you’re welcome 🙄” and NUMBER ONE FAVORITE MOMENTS are his judgment faces. holy shit.

idea for a story: he builds a booby trap for the gang’s hideout while everybody is out, but he doesn’t tell the others because this is just another one of his many new side projects. cue one of the core four coming home earlier than expected and obliviously walking straight into the partly-finished booby trap and setting it off and probably having a near-death experience, however the trap does not work as expected because carlos had messed up a little. the person who nearly died is like WTF (not because it was a near death experience bc there are plenty of those to go around on the isle, wtf because the hideout is supposed to be a safe spot so this is totally unexpected). carlos is like omfg you almost died that was NOT supposed to happen im sorry and also a omg thanks for walking into the trap!!! that was rly helpful, now i know where there’s a problem in it so i can fix it! and there’s a in-hindsight LMAOOOO did you see the LOOK ON YOUR FACEEEEEE element to it. whats the point of writing a carlos fic where he isnt at least a little mean.. at least a little taste of it

unpopular opinion: carlos is a nerd but he doesn’t follow rules when he doesn’t care for them and the pros of breaking the rules outweighs the cons, meaning he doesn’t do his homework when he thinks it’s stupid and a useless waste of his time because he’ll rather work on his own actually useful projects. *insert [carlos never does his homework in one class because the teacher only assigns busywork but then he turned in his 100% correct extra credit assignment because the teacher had actually made the extra credit difficult and interesting] situation*. also he’s not an all-rounder the way evie is.. he doesn’t have much lasting interest in like. the humanities.

also carlos is equal parts soft and mean! i stand by this! sometimes i feel like interpretations of him lean too much one way or another but he is both! just because his arc is about overcoming his fears doesnt mean he’s not mean himself and just because he’s a vk and not an ak doesn’t mean that he can’t be soft. (also the way he treats chad vs the way he treats jane in scenes that are literally back to back in d2 is objectively hilarious it KILLS me. wonderful stuff)

favorite relationship: rotten four!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY LOVE EACH OTHER!!!!!!

favorite a headcanon: he held his own on the isle. he joined the rotten four for protection but it’s not really something he desperately needed (although maybe somebody could write a scenario where the situation dramatically changed and he needed to find allies suddenly). of course he’s safer with them because safety in numbers and all but i don’t care for interpretations where it’s like he’s so Innocent and Naive where he needs people to protect him. he joined because he wanted to. also he was the third one to join the gang!! in my head for most scenarios it’s mal and jay together first, and evie and carlos as friends, and then jay and carlos get close so carlos joins them, and evie joins last. collects books on the isle. he finds a book and evie finds a book and then they get together and play rock paper scissors and the winner gets to pick which book they want to read first. and then a week later they swap books. sometimes instead of playing rock paper scissors, they have a contest to see who can steal the most shit off mal before she notices or something like that. once jay convinced evie to let him stand in for her because he just wanted another excuse to wrestle with carlos and evie was like aw you’re adorable<3okay and carlos was like no???what a waste of time??i want my fucking book??? but evie's already left and jay's doing the *points two fingers at his own eyes and then points them at carlos and then back and forth and so on because I'm Looking At You* gesture because he knows it annoys carlos. so carlos’s like fucking fine. FINE. (carlos wins.) if carvie find a history book saying dumb things about the vks or something they tear the offending pages out and ball them up and throw them mal’s and jay’s heads for fun.

[tokomaruweek]

Tokomaru Week 2021

Disclaimer/Warning: This event/prompts may or may not contain spoilers for Danganronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls (DRAE: UDG), Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc (DR: THH), and Danganronpa 3: The End of Hope’s Peak High School anime. Please proceed with caution, ESPECIALLY if you haven’t played the games and/or watched a walkthrough.

Rules:

All Tokomaru Week artwork and fanart must be rated PG-13! Even if NSFW was used as a prompt or anytime, please be careful about posting it, especially it’s 18+ content. However, because of the new Tumblr rule took effect 2 years ago (December 2018), you must post it somewhere else! For those who want to do this and want the list of approved websites, message me!

No Tokomaru hate art at all! This week is not to post Anti-Tokomaru stuff. It is about how much we care about Toko and Komaru.

Anyone who participates in this event can do any of the chosen prompts for this year or can draw/write their own work for Tokomaru Week.

You can do the prompts at any time during the year or use/reuse them for next year.

This is optional, but you can add another Danganronpa couple if you want. Doesn’t matter if it’s canon, fanon, crack, or even OC x DR ship.

No stealing another person’s work! That includes commissions, requests, or art trades you ask for! However, you can commission or request a simple prompt day to draw/write from an artist/writer.

For artists, you can draw artwork in any type of style.

Spoiler alert! If the prompt you choose and what you draw/write contains a spoiler for a game or the anime, make sure you warn people! Especially those who are new to the Danganronpa series!

Final rule: Have fun!

Prompts:

Just like most prompt weeks from Danganronpa, this one will have three prompts to choose from. The event will run from January 10 to January 17.

January 10th: First Date/Birthdays/Memories/Warrior of Hope

First Date: This prompt means that Toko and Komaru are going on their first date as a couple.

Birthdays: This prompt means that either they are celebrating Toko’s or Komaru’s birthdays.

Memories: This prompt means that they are revealing their childhoods. However, since Toko’s past is trauma, add a trigger warning if it’s needed.

Warrior of Hope: This prompt means that Toko and Komaru are taking care of the Warrior of Hope members!

January 11th: Killing Game AU/Reality Game Shows/Talent Swap and/or AU Talents

Killing Game AU: This prompt means it’s an alternate universe where Komaru Naegi is a participant of the Killing School Life featured in Trigger Happy Havoc or both Toko and Komaru are participants of the Killing School Trip in Goodbye Despair or Killing School Semester in V3: Killing Harmony.

Reality Game Shows: This prompts means that Toko and Komaru are contestants on a reality game show, regardless if this is an AU (where the Danganronpa characters compete in reality game shows) or in the canon universe. For example, the two are a team in The Amazing Race (or in Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race) or competing against each other in Survivor.

Talent Swap/AU Talents: This prompt is fun: let the girls get talent swaps and/or give Komaru a talent, doesn’t matter if the talent is used from the games/anime or a fan-made one.

January 12th: Beach/Having Pride/Sweets

Beach: This prompt means that Toko and Komaru are enjoying their day at the beach or having a summer vacation involving the beach.

Having Pride: This prompt means that the two girls are celebrating the Pride events.

Sweets: This prompt means that Toko and Komaru are enjoying sweets or desserts.

January 13th: Shopping/Reacting to COVID-19/Binge-Watching/Towa Arc

(Four prompts, with the fourth one being exclusive to artists!)

Shopping: This prompt means that Toko and Komaru are shopping. It can be grocery shopping, clothes shopping, anything.

Reacting to COVID-19: This prompts means that Toko and Komaru react to the pandemic. They can either quarantine themselves, stock up on food, spend more time outdoors or even be in the events of the Diamond Princess cruise pandemic. Or Toko and/or Komaru caught the virus and are now trying to get better.

Night Out: This prompt means that Toko and Komaru are enjoying a night out with each other.

Towa Arc: Artists can do this prompt. This prompt means to draw a moment from Towa Arc in Danganronpa 3: Distrust, which the story can be found on Archive Of Our Own: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27237316/chapters/66536032

January 14th: Weddings/Valentine’s Day/After Ultra Despair Girls

Weddings: This prompt means that Toko and Komaru are getting married in their own wedding ceremony or attending their friends’ weddings.

Valentine’s Day: This prompt means that Toko and Komaru are celebrating the romantic holiday, Valentine’s Day.

After Ultra Despair Girls: This prompt means that what will happen to Toko and Komaru now that the events of Ultra Despair Girls are over.

January 15th: Non-Despair AU/Crossover/Despair AU

Non-Despair AU: This prompt means that this takes place in an alternate universe where the killing game didn’t happen at all. So do anything with them!

Crossover: This prompt means that Toko and Komaru are in a crossover event. It can be anime, video games, cartoons, etc,. For example, they can be in a crossover with Pokemon.

Despair AU: This prompt means that Toko and Komaru had either fallen in despair for some reason, masterminds of the killing game or are part of the Remnants of Despair.

January 16th: Cooking/Soulmates/Insecurities

Cooking: This prompt means that Toko and Komaru are cooking either for each other, for their friends, or for a special gathering.

Soulmates: This prompt means that Toko and/or Komaru have a soulmate involving each other.

Insecurities: This prompt means that either Toko, Komaru or both of them has self-doubts, such as if Toko feels that she isn’t a good friend/lover to Komaru.

January 17th: Future Arc/Despair Arc AU/Spa Day/Free Day

Future Arc/Despair Arc AU: Final first prompt. This means that Toko and Komaru are forced to do the Final Killing Game along with the other Future Foundation members, including Makoto, Kyoko, and Hina. Or if you do Despair Arc AU, that means Toko and Komaru are part of Class-77B or even in an AU where the DR1 cast is Class-77B!

Spa Day: Final second prompt. This means that they are enjoying a day or the weekend at the spa.

Free Day: Third and final prompt. This is a free day prompt, meaning that you can do anything with this. Even add NSFW content (see Rule #1)!

If you have ANY questions, concerns, or suggestions for Tokomaru Week in the future, feel free to send asks or a message!

EDIT #1 (November 20, 2020): Two prompts (NSFW and Festivals/Events) had been replaced with Weddings and Holidays.

EDIT #2 (November 25, 2020): Two prompts (Stormy Nights and Holidays) had been replaced with Valentine’s Day and Despair AU.

EDIT #3 (November 30, 2020): Valentine’s Day got listed twice, oops. So one of them got changed to Shopping for the January 13 date. Also, added a bonus prompt for that day.

EDIT #4: (December 10, 2020): Three prompts (Animals, Cruise, and Sickness and/or Injury) had been replaced with Soulmates, Reacting to COVID-19, and Binge-Watching. A new rule has also been added!

EDIT #5 (December 20, 2020): Final update! A prompt has been added to Day 1 (Warrior of Hope) while Binge-Watching had been replaced with Night Out.

EDIT #6: Future Arc AU prompt also got a Despair Arc option as well!

[emmy-writes-sometimes]

Living Room Graduation

You’re due to graduate from college, but due to COVID, it was cancelled. Chris, your neighbor, and his brother try to give you a graduation anyway.

-

           You were gutted, to say the least, about your graduation being cancelled. Actually, your entire final semester was cancelled, your parents were stuck with your grandparents in Maine, and you had a huge old house to yourself and you couldn’t even have anyone quarantine with you. So you were at your worst, skipping Google Hangouts classes to re-watch the same TV shows you’d seen four times to binge all of the Lord of the Rings movies (you don’t even like them really, they’re just on Netflix), to sleep for fourteen hours a day, and only leave the house for curbside pickup or your weekly Starbucks run. You were completely and utterly done with life at that point.

           It was around seven when you realized the trash collector was supposed to come in half an hour, so you sprung out of bed, threw on some shorts, and tried to make it. You probably looked like a mess, and it only slightly comforted you when you saw your neighbor, Chris, walking his own trash out in a sweatshirt and sweatpants. He was a sweet guy. He was an actor, he was in some of your favorite movies, and he had the sweetest dog who would sometimes come to your front yard and roll around. His brother, Scott, had been quarantining with him. At least they weren’t alone.

           “You forgot too?” Chris asked across the driveway. You were probably six or seven feet apart.

           “Yeah, my parents usually do this,” you responded. “But they’re stuck in Maine, so I’m here.”

           “Oh, no! Hey, aren’t you supposed to be finishing college? Boston U, right? Is it pre something?”

           “Pre-law,” you responded. You put the trash can down and crossed your arms in the cold, still talking to him. “I’m deferring law school for a year to try and get an internship and pay some of my loans off. I guess you’re not working right now, either?”

           “Nope. I got a series coming out on Apple, but nothing’s filming right now, so Scott and I are just kind of sitting ducks,” he answered. “I gotta go take the dog out for a walk, but you should come over at some point as long as you don’t have coronavirus. We’re good company. And we’d be glad to have you.” You smiled.

           “Thank you,” you said with a smile on your face. “Yeah, it’s freezing, I’m going back inside to put some pants on.” He laughed as you turned and walked across the driveway, bare-footed, until you reached your front door and slipped inside.

           From that March evening, you were a regular at the Evans house. You came over for breakfast, lunch, even dinner sometimes. You and Scott would sit on the couch, Dodger between you, and watch TV for most of the day until you had to tune into class, when you’d run home. As it started warming up, you started using their pool. You missed your family, but Chris and Scott were quickly becoming some of your favorite people. Chris even networked you with one of his lawyers who was helping him with a political website he was coming out with, earning you a remote internship for the summer.

           May came and your spirits were low, despite the fact that you had Chris and Scott all but living with you. You hated the fact that you couldn’t even protest for your classes to be graded so your GPA remained at a 3.89 and wouldn’t round up. You hated that your parents still weren’t home because they were taking care of your grandparents still. You hated being in that big farmhouse, all alone, even though your friends were next door. You hated the fact that you couldn’t do any school traditions or even remotely celebrate your graduation. But you tried to keep yourself occupied, like watching all of the Marvel movies with Scott just to annoy the shit out of Chris.

           “Oh, come on! I don’t look that bad!” Chris defended as you were watching the first Captain America. He was making lunch for the three of you (because you and Scott only wanted to postmates in and Chris insisted on making food), so he was in the kitchen just behind where you and Scott were laughing and commenting.

           “Dude, no one looks good in polyester stars and stripes! Just admit it!” You said to him. He groaned and jokingly shoved you into the couch. “I’m sorry. You just make it so easy to make fun of you.”

           “I could say the same. You weren’t fooling anyone when you put that sweater on while you were tanning outside.” That was right – you had put a sweater on over your bikini the day before when you were at their pool, trying to cover up the fact that you were attending class and tanning at the same time.

           “Oh, that’s different!” You said, walking into the kitchen just to punch him in the side. You’d seen how he worked out and that was definitely the most vulnerable part of him.

           “Hey!”

           “Guys, no roughhousing!” Scott called, not even bothering to look behind you. Your phone chimed, signaling that you had class in ten minutes, and you sighed.

           “Go on and use the office,” Chris said to you, “and I’ll have lunch after.”

           “Thank you,” you replied, grabbing your laptop and running up the stairs to Chris’s office area. He always kept it the cleanest room in the house, but it was filled with pictures of him and his co-stars, pictures of him and his family. Your favorite was a framed picture of Dodger right in front of his computer.

           You logged into class and the Google Hangouts noise started playing loudly. Chris looked up at the ceiling before walking over to Scott, knowing that you were getting ready for class and wouldn’t be back down. He sat down next to his brother and pet the dog who was always at his side.

           “Okay, since her graduation got cancelled, I wanna do something,” Chris said to Scott. “She deserves it. And her parents aren’t even here to see her graduate.”

           “Well, what do you want to do?” Chris sighed, taking his phone from his pocket, and looked up your college’s website. Then he saw the COVID information page, which had plans for graduation on it.

           “It looks like they’re doing a virtual graduation with all of their names and pictures and everything. So maybe we could screen it here, give her a nice brunch and some alcohol, make her feel not so anti-climactic,” he suggested, handing Scott the phone. The graduation was going to be on YouTube, so it was easy to pull up on the TV. And they could lure you over under the guise of something else and surprise you with it.

           “Alright, then, how do you wanna do this? We have to make some excuse to keep her out until that time.”

           “Just… You go with her on a Starbucks run or something after class today. Find a way to make sure it’s the one across town. That’ll give me enough of a chance to make some food and put some stuff up and go over to her house and steal her cap and gown.”

           “Christopher, you are a mastermind,” Scott said. “Remind me never to piss you off while we’re in quarantine. You have time, money, and motive.” Chris chuckled and went back to making lunch, bringing the meat out to the grill while you were still in class.

           Over the next few days, you didn’t suspect anything. You went along with everything, as usual, and Chris was even alone with you as you walked Dodger. He managed to keep it a secret, even though he wanted to burst and tell you that you shouldn’t be sad on your graduation. The week leading up to it, he forced you to use the office space almost every day. He gave you food and coffee, he made you take breaks for your sanity, and he made you get nine hours of sleep every night. Finally, the day before graduation, you burst into the door.

           “Guys!” You said loudly, holding a printed piece of paper. “I contested to get my classes graded instead of pass fail and they did it! I have a 3.9 now!”

           “That’s amazing!” Chris said, walking over to give you a hug.

           “What? That’s awesome!” Scott got up off the couch and hugged you too. Even Dodger looked excited.

           “So now I can actually say I have a 3.9.”

           “Let me see it!” Chris took the paper from your hands, looking at all of your grades. Despite all of the meltdowns and classes you skipped, you managed an A in every single one of them. “I’m so proud of you!” He said, hugging you again.

           “I’m going to go call my parents,” you said.

           “Oh, by the way,” Chris said, grabbing you before you could make it out the door. “Come over tomorrow at 8:30. No questions asked, alright? And wear something cute?” You gave him a look before turning around and leaving.

           “Dude, you basically spoiled it!” Scott said, elbowing his brother.

           “What happened to no roughhousing?” Chris asked. He ran away before Scott could do anything. He had some work to do, if only for you.

           The next morning you showed up at their door at exactly 8:30, carrying a six pack and hoping that whatever they had planned would allow you to get drunk. You’d finally passed out after watching Baccalaureate and the awards ceremonies all by yourself. Your best friend was the valedictorian, too, and you called her to cry about it. But you were up bright and earlier than usual when Scott opened the door and shuffled you in. Red and white was everywhere – they’d pulled out some Christmas decorations that were red garlands, Chris had literally put glitter confetti all over a table, and there was a cookie cake on the table with your name on it.

           You teared up as soon as you saw the cookie cake. You could smell breakfast, too. He’d made you an entire meal, bigger than the usual kind. Both of the boys were wearing red, too, and you beamed. They’d planned you an entire graduation party in their living room because you couldn’t go to yours.

           “What?” You asked. They both just laughed and embraced you in an Evans sandwich.

           “I stole your cap and gown too,” Chris said, “you should really lock your doors when you’re over here for class.” You laughed.

           “Thank you, so much, guys.”

           “It’s the least we can do. We’re proud of you. Come on and get some food and alcohol and we can cry through the ceremony together.” You laughed again and started making the rounds in the kitchen, grabbing a little bit of everything except for some extra bacon, and you let Chris pour you a massive glass full of alcohol for yourself. He brought out your gap and gown and your cords and stoles and made you put them on. The ceremony started at 9, so you weren’t too pressed for time. But you sat down between the two of them, Dodger right on top of you, and watched as your name eventually came on screen. Both boys cheered and nudged you, clinking all of your glasses together.

           “I’m so proud of you,” Chris said, “really.” You leaned into his shoulder and then Scott’s, just grateful that you had them.

           “I’m really glad we took the trash out at the same time,” you said with a sniffle.

           “Oh, don’t cry! Come on, we have alcohol!” Scott said. That just made you laugh.

           “Come on, kid,” Chris said as he messed up your hair. “Let’s get some cake.”

A/N: I’m sorry this is so short but I hope you like it! Congrats to anyone in the Class of 2020!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #384

“watch your tongue or have it cut from your head”

Do you post to say happy birthday on other people’s walls? Sometimes. Depends on my mood and the person. When was the last time you saw a rainbow? Idr. What’s your favorite television commercial? I don't watch TV enough at all to have one. And who has a favorite commercial, anyway? Do you trip a lot? I don't really trip a lot, but kinda fumble over my footing and stray a bit. I'm horrible at walking straight, and it's gotten worse as my legs have. How old is your television? The one in the living room is god knows how old. My parents were still together when they bought it. When did you last talk on the phone with someone? A couple days ago for my appointment with my psychiatrist. Are you currently sleepy? I'm quite convinced I'm permanently tired. Are you hot or cold natured? I am ALWAYS fucking hot, ugh. Do you take any advanced classes? I took mostly Honors classes in school. Do you have weak upper body strength? My body is just weak as a whole. What is the worst insult someone can call you? Emotionally weak. Are you good at sketching? If we're talking meerkats, haha. They're the only complex thing that I can freehand no problem without needing a reference, honestly. Ever play Angry Birds? Nah. I thought the movie was cute, though. Have you ever been to the zoo before? Yeah. Has anyone ever been weirdly obsessed with you? No. Are you afraid someone might steal your identity someday? It's not something I actively worry about at all. Like, you don't want my identity, I promise. Do you have any talents that come naturally? Growing up, adults always told me I was a "gifted" artist and writer. Also that I seem to have an unnaturally strong connection with animals. I've always been that person where a pet's owner is like "omg ____ never lets people do that" and whatnot. Have you ever had plastic surgery before? I haven't. It's funny though, how opposed to it I used to be... Like goddamn, I was such a fucking stupid and honestly judgmental teenager, regarding many things. I look back on her and cringe. Like damn dude, if you have a safe surgical procedure to help you enjoy the body you're stuck with the rest of your life, you go for it, boo. Are you afraid of airplane rides? Not really. What’s the best Valentine’s Day gift you’ve gotten? There was this one year where Jason had to go to work on Valentine's Day and I was super bummed, yet he still surprised me with a heart-shaped box of chocolates, roses, and a game I really wanted, Heavy Rain. I thought it was the sweetest. What is something you lose often? My phone. ;-; Do you enter a lot of sweepstakes? I don't enter any. Do you consider yourself physically active? *chuckles nervously* Do you have Netflix? Yeah. Favorite salad dressing? That Olive Garden replica you can buy at the store. Do you enjoy dancing? Once upon a time I did. My body could never handle it now. Have you ever considered writing a novel? Many times. Snow or sand? Snow, by twenty thousand miles. It is VERY hard for me to walk through sand, and I also hate hate hate hate HATE the sensation. Do you like sour candy? Heeeeeell yeah man. Have you gotten any injuries lately? If so, what & how? Nothing notable. Are you a clumsy person? Like you would not fucking believe. Last male you talked to in person? I think my primary physician's nurse. Are you thinking about asking anyone out? No. Pink lemonade or regular lemonade? Pink lemonade, for sure. But I love both. Chocolate or strawberry milk? CHOCOLATE. Strawberry milk is disgusting. Have you ever won a contest on the radio?No. Is there a song that reminds you of your best friend? There's quite a few. Has a book ever made you cry? Yes. Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up? Yes, for the time. Do you know anyone who has a pet bunny? Not that I'm aware. What store or website would you most like a gift card for? Rebel's Market. How do you feel about wolves? I adore wolves. Beautiful, majestic creatures with very interesting social dynamics. Name your top 3 favorite musical instruments. Electric guitar, violin, piano. What was the last book(s) you bought at a bookstore? At an actual bookstore, I think it was The Fault In Our Stars, which I never actually read. Do you use Pinterest? Yes. Do you know any sign language? No. Do you have a favorite poem? No. Do you have a dog? No. The one we were pretty much stuck with has a home now. Have you ever read The Little House on the Prairie series? I haven't. Have you ever gone on a service trip to an underprivileged country? No. Have you ever performed in front of more than 100 people? Yes, for dance. When (if ever) was the last time you went to church? Forever ago, I don't even remember the last time. What's a quote you think is really powerful? There's a whole lot. The first one that came to mind was, "An eye for an eye will leave the world blind," which I do believe has great depth in it. Have you ever had to do your laundry at a laundromat? Yes. Are you the oldest person who lives in your household? No. My mom is turning 60 (... I think?) this year. If you have tattoos, how long have you had them? I got my first the day I turned 18. Do you and your dad have similar personalities? We're alike in some ways, imo most notably in that we have NO fucking common sense, embarrassing as that is to admit. We're both kinda slow at understanding things, too. What were the last three things you had to drink? Mountain Lightning, milk, and water. What did your family usually do for Easter when you were a kid? Us three kids all got Easter baskets full of stuff, and we'd go egg-hunting when we were all awake. My little sister Nicole would always wake our parents up in excitement, haha. My parents hid plenty throughout the house, and there was always this one "special" egg that was actually from Mom's childhood and was extremely intricate and beautiful. You basically "won" the hunt if you found it, and it was extremely well-hidden. When you have house guests over, where do they sleep? Historically since living here, my two half-sisters and their spouses (the only people who've stayed over) slept in what is *technically* Mom's room, but for whatever reason this woman still insists on sleeping on the couch in the living room, I guess because she's used to it after all the years she didn't have her own room and bed. Are you emotionally stable? LOLOOLOLOOLLOLOOLOOLOLLOOLOLLLLLLLLLLL Do you still talk to the very first person you had sex with? No. Are you an atheist? No. I don't quite know how to define what I am, but since I believe there's SOME higher power, I don't think it's fitting to call me an atheist. What’s the largest bug you’ve ever found in your house? Hm... I'm unsure. Probably a male mosquito, 'cuz them bitches are big'ins. Would it annoy you if a stranger called you "sweetie?" If it was a man, I'd be creeped out. Are you into fashion design? Not really. What’s the worst thing you’ve gone through in the past year? My leg muscles continuing to degrade, honestly. I have to do something about this shit. How did you get your last bruise? I fell when stepping over the stupid dog gate. Have your parents ever forgotten your birthday? Yikes, no. Would you rather have some bacon or beef jerky? Bacon. Do you like your orange juice with lots or no pulp? NONE. Do you wear skinny jeans? Back when I wore jeans, they were the only kind I wore. What projects are you doing now for school? I'm outta school. What’s the most number of comments you have on a Facebook picture? What is the picture of? I have no idea. Do you like coconut flavored things? No. Have you ever met a famous author before? No. Do you know anybody who has been raped before? No, thank god. I know someone who might've almost been, though. I don't know what the fucking pig was going to do to her if my sister and I weren't there. Have you ever wished for bigger boobs? No. Being overweight, I just want smaller ones now, haha. Have you ever gone a full day without interacting with another person? I've gone many days without it. How many relationships have you been in that lasted less than a year? Four, if you're counting everyone that had the "boyfriend" title. Where were you going the last time you were on a plane? Home from Illinois. Where were you going the last time you were on a train? I've never been on one. Have you ever been significantly more physically fit than you are now? Holy fuck, yes. You would never guess now that I was perfectly healthy in high school especially, yet I still thought I was kinda fat. It hurts so much to look back on. When growing up, did you parents keep the house very tidy? I mean not excessively, but Mom was pretty dedicated to keeping the house in decent condition. With three kids though, of course the house was somewhat messy with toys and all. When you shop at IKEA, do you always stop to eat a snack/meal in the cafeteria? ... There's a fucking cafeteria in a furniture store? o_o I've never been there before. How many watches do you own? None, save for one in my "treasure box" from when I was a kid. I was SO SO SO obsessed with Finding Nemo that I kept my broken one. I did the same with my horribly aged sneakers, like the soles were coming off and Mom finally made me stop wearing them, ha. Are there any ways in which you greatly differ from everyone else in your family? I do fucking nothing and am useless to society. Should teenagers be allowed to have their cell phones with them in class? Yes, because emergencies happen. I personally think it's best to maybe have your cell phone flipped over on the corner of your desk or something and on vibrate, that way the noise isn't too disruptive and the teacher can see you're not just using it for other purposes. Do you have any gay relatives? Yes. Have you ever had to have a pet put down? Sigh, multiple. Have you unfollowed, deleted, or blocked anyone on social media recently? If so, what was the reason? Not recently. How many cups of coffee do you typically drink per day? None. Do you know what your vocal range is? No, but it's not very broad. What’s the biggest financial mistake you’ve ever made? I haven't been in this position before. Have you ever been in a relationship where there was a large difference in maturity levels? No. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed as a guest at someone’s house? I wanna say over a month while we were technically homeless. How bad was your acne when you were a teenager? Oh dear, it was rough. Like there were people who had it worse than me, but ya girl was lookin preeeetty rough lmao.

[ahouseoflies]

The Best Films of 2020

I can’t tell you anything novel or insightful about this year that has been stolen from our lives. I watched zero of these films in a theater, and I watched most of them half-asleep in moments that I stole from my children. Don’t worry, there are some jokes below.

GARBAGE

93. Capone (Josh Trank)- What is the point of this dinner theater trash? It takes place in the last year of Capone's life, when he was released from prison due to failing health and suffered a stroke in his Florida home. So it covers...none of the things that make Al Capone interesting? It's not historically accurate, which I have no problem with, but if you steer away from accuracy, then do something daring and exciting. Don't give me endless scenes of "Phonse"--as if the movie is running from the very person it's about--drawing bags of money that promise intrigue, then deliver nothing in return.

That being said, best "titular character shits himself" scene since The Judge.

92. Ammonite (Francis Lee)- I would say that this is the Antz to Portrait of a Lady on Fire's A Bug's Life, but it's actually more like the Cars 3 to Portrait of a Lady on Fire's Toy Story 1.

91. Ava (Tate Taylor)- Despite the mystery and inscrutability that usually surround assassins, what if we made a hitman movie but cared a lot about her personal life? Except neither the assassin stuff nor the family stuff is interesting?

90. Wonder Woman 1984 (Patty Jenkins)- What a miscalculation of what audiences loved about the first and wanted from the sequel. WW84 is silly and weightless in all of the ways that the first was elegant and confident. If the return of Pine is just a sort of phantom representation of Diana's desires, then why can he fly a real plane? If he is taking over another man's soul, then, uh, what ends up happening to that guy? For that matter, why is it not 1984 enough for Ronald Reagan to be president, but it is 1984 enough for the president to have so many Ronald Reagan signifiers that it's confusing? Why not just make a decision?

On paper, the me-first values of the '80s lend themselves to the monkey's paw wish logic of this plot. You could actually do something with the Star Wars program or the oil crisis. But not if the setting is played for only laughs and the screenplay explains only what it feels like.

89. Babyteeth (Shannon Murphy)- In this type of movie, there has to be a period of the Ben Mendelsohn character looking around befuddled about the new arrangement and going, "What's this now--he's going to be...living with us? The guy who tried to steal our medication? This is crazy!" But that's usually ten minutes, and in this movie it's an hour. I was so worn out by the end.

88. You Should Have Left (David Koepp)- David Koepp wrote Jurassic Park, so he's never going to hell, but how dare he start caring about his own mystery at the hour mark. There's a forty-five minute version of this movie that could get an extra star from me, and there's a three-hour version of Amanda Seyfried walking around in athleisure that would get four stars from me. What we actually get? No thanks.

87. Black Is King (Beyonce, et al.)- End your association with The Lion King, Bey. It has resulted in zero bops.

  ADMIRABLE FAILURES

86. Birds of Prey (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (Cathy Yan)- There's nothing too dysfunctional in the storytelling or performances, but Birds of Prey also doesn't do a single thing well. I would prefer something alive and wild, even if it were flawed, to whatever tame belt-level formula this is.

85. The Turning (Floria Sigismondi)- This update of The Turn of the Screw pumps the age of Miles up to high school, which creates some horny creepiness that I liked. But the age of the character also prevents the ending of the novel from happening in favor of a truly terrible shrug. I began to think that all of the patience that the film showed earlier was just hesitance for its own awful ending.

I watched The Turning as a Mackenzie Davis Movie Star heat check, and while I'm not sure she has the magnetism I was looking for, she does have a great teacher voice, chastening but maternal.

84. Bloodshot (David Wilson)- A whole lot of Vin Diesel saying he's going to get revenge and kill a bunch of dudes; not a whole lot of Vin Diesel actually getting revenge and killing a bunch of dudes.

83. Downhill (Nat Faxon and Jim Rash)- I was an English major in college, which means I ended up locking myself into literary theories that, halfway through the writing of an essay, I realized were flawed. But rather than throw out the work that I had already proposed, I would just keep going and see if I could will the idea to success.

So let's say you have a theory that you can take Force Majeure by Ruben Ostlund, one of the best films of its year, and remake it so that its statement about familial anxiety could apply to Americans of the same age and class too...if it hadn't already. And maybe in the first paragraph you mess up by casting Will Ferrell and Julia Louis-Dreyfus, people we are conditioned to laugh at, when maybe this isn't that kind of comedy at all. Well, don't throw it away. You can quote more--fill up the pages that way--take an exact shot or scene from the original. Does that help? Maybe you can make the writing more vigorous and distinctive by adding a character. Is that going to make this baby stand out? Maybe you could make it more personal by adding a conclusion that is slightly more clever than the rest of the paper?

Or perhaps this is one you're just not going to get an A on.

82. Hillbilly Elegy (Ron Howard)- I watched this melodrama at my mother's encouragement, and, though I have been trying to pin down her taste for decades, I think her idea of a successful film just boils down to "a lot of stuff happens." So in that way, Ron Howard's loss is my gain, I guess.

There is no such thing as a "neutral Terminator."

81. Relic (Natalie Erika James)- The star of the film is Vanessa Cerne's set decoration, but the inert music and slow pace cancel out a house that seems neglected slowly over decades.

80. Buffaloed (Tanya Wexler)- Despite a breathless pace, Buffaloed can't quite congeal. In trying to split the difference between local color hijinks and Moneyballed treatise on debt collection, it doesn't commit enough to either one.

Especially since Zoey Deutch produced this one in addition to starring, I'm getting kind of worried about boo's taste. Lot of Two If by Seas; not enough While You Were Sleepings.

79. Like a Boss (Miguel Arteta)- I chuckled a few times at a game supporting cast that is doing heavy lifting. But Like a Boss is contrived from the premise itself--Yeah, what if people in their thirties fell out of friendship? Do y'all need a creative consultant?--to the escalation of most scenes--Why did they have to hide on the roof? Why do they have to jump into the pool?

The movie is lean, but that brevity hurts just as much as it helps. The screenplay knows which scenes are crucial to the development of the friendship, but all of those feel perfunctory, in a different gear from the setpieces.  

To pile on a bit: Studio comedies are so bare bones now that they look like Lifetime movies. Arteta brought Chuck & Buck to Sundance twenty years ago, and, shot on Mini-DV for $250,000, it was seen as a DIY call-to-bootstraps. I guarantee that has more setups and locations and shooting days than this.

78. Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga (David Dobkin)- Add Dan Stevens to the list of supporting players who have bodied Will Ferrell in his own movie--one that he cared enough to write himself.  

Like Downhill, Ferrell's other 2020 release, this isn't exactly bad. It's just workmanlike and, aside from the joke about Demi Lovato's "uninformed" ghost, frustratingly conventional.

77. The Traitor (Marco Bellochio)- Played with weary commitment by Pierfrancesco Favino, Tomasso Buscetta is "credited" as the first informant of La Cosa Nostra. And that sounds like an interesting subject for a "based on a true story" crime epic, right? Especially when you find out that Buscetta became a rat out of principle: He believed that the mafia to which he had pledged his life had lost its code to the point that it was a different organization altogether.  

At no point does Buscetta waver or even seem to struggle with his decision though, so what we get is less conflicted than that description might suggest. None of these Italian mob movies glorify the lifestyle, so I wasn't expecting that. But if the crime doesn't seem enticing, and snitching on the crime seems like forlorn duty, and everything is pitched with such underhanded matter-of-factness that you can't even be sure when Buscetta has flipped, then what are we left with? It was interesting seeing how Italian courts work, I guess?

76. Kajillionaire (Miranda July)- This is another movie so intent on building atmosphere and lore that it takes too long to declare what it is. When the protagonist hits a breaking point and has to act, she has only a third of a film to grow. So whispery too.

Gina Rodriguez is the one to inject life into it. As soon as her motormouth winds up, the film slips into a different gear. The atmosphere and lore that I mentioned reeks of artifice, but her character is believably specific. Beneath a basic exterior is someone who is authentically caring but still morally compromised, beholden to the world that the other characters are suspicious of.

75. Scoob! (Tony Cervone)- The first half is sometimes clever, but it hammers home the importance of friendship while separating the friends.

The second half has some positive messaging, but your kids' movie might have a problem with scale if it involves Alexander the Great unlocking the gates of the Underworld.

My daughter loved it.

74. The Lovebirds (Michael Showalter)- If I start talking too much about this perfectly fine movie, I end up in that unfair stance of reviewing the movie I wanted, not what is actually there.* As a fan of hang-out comedies, I kind of resent that any comedy being made now has to be rolled into something more "exciting," whether it's a wrongfully accused or mistaken identity thriller or some other genre. Such is the post-Game Night world. There's a purposefully anti-climactic note that I wish The Lovebirds had ended on, but of course we have another stretch of hiding behind boats and shooting guns. Nanjiani and Rae are really charming leads though.

*- As a New Orleanian, I was totally distracted by the fake aspects of the setting too. "Oh, they walked to Jefferson from downtown? Really?" You probably won't be bothered by the locations.

73. Sonic the Hedgehog (Jeff Fowler)- In some ways the storytelling is ambitious. (I'm speaking for only myself, but I'm fine with "He's a hedgehog, and he's really fast" instead of the owl mother, teleportation backstory. Not everything has to be Tolkien.) But that ambition doesn't match the lack of ambition in the comedy, which depends upon really hackneyed setups and structures. Guiding Jim Carrey to full alrighty-then mode was the best choice anyone made.

72. Malcolm & Marie (Sam Levinson)- The stars move through these long scenes with agility and charisma, but the degree of difficulty is just too high for this movie to reach what it's going for.

Levinson is trying to capture an epic fight between a couple, and he can harness the theatrical intensity of such a thing, but he sacrifices almost all of the nuance. In real life, these knock-down-drag-outs can be circular and indirect and sad in a way that this couple's manipulation rarely is. If that emotional truth is all this movie is trying to achieve, I feel okay about being harsh in my judgment of how well it does that.

71. Beanpole (Kantemir Balagov)- Elusive in how it refuses to declare itself, forthright in how punishing it is. The whole thing might be worth it for a late dinner scene, but I'm getting a bit old to put myself through this kind of misery.

70. The Burnt Orange Heresy (Giuseppe Capotondi)- Silly in good ways until it's silly in bad ways. Elizabeth Debicki remains 6'3".

69. Everybody’s Everything (Sebastian Jones and Ramez Silyan)- As a person who listened to Lil Peep's music, I can confidently say that this documentary is overstating his greatness. His death was a significant loss, as the interview subjects will all acknowledge, but the documentary is more useful as a portrait of a certain unfocused, rapacious segment of a generation that is high and online at all times.

68. The Witches (Robert Zemeckis)- Robert Zemeckis, Kenya Barris, and Guillermo Del Toro are the credited screenwriters, and in a fascinating way, you can see the imprint of each figure on the final product. Adapting a very European story to the old wives' tales of the American South is an interesting choice. Like the Nicolas Roeg try at this material, Zemeckis is not afraid to veer into the terrifying, and Octavia Spencer's pseudo witch doctor character only sells the supernatural. From a storytelling standpoint though, it seems as if the obstacles are overcome too easily, as if there's a whole leg of the film that has been excised. The framing device and the careful myth-making of the flashback make promises that the hotel half of the film, including the abrupt ending, can't live up to.

If nothing else, Anne Hathaway is a real contender for Most On-One Performance of the year.

67. Irresistible (Jon Stewart)- Despite a sort of imaginative ending, Jon Stewart's screenplay feels more like the declarative screenplay that would get you hired for a good movie, not a good screenplay itself. It's provocative enough, but it's clumsy in some basic ways and never evades the easy joke.

For example, the Topher Grace character is introduced as a sort of assistant, then is re-introduced an hour later as a polling expert, then is shown coaching the candidate on presentation a few scenes later. At some point, Stewart combined characters into one role, but nothing got smoothed out.

ENDEARING CURIOSITIES WITH BIG FLAWS

66. Yes, God, Yes (Karen Maine)- Most people who are Catholic, including me, are conflicted about it. Most people who make movies about being Catholic hate it and have an axe to grind. This film is capable of such knowing wit and nuance when it comes to the lived-in details of attending a high school retreat, but it's more concerned with taking aim at hypocrisy in the broad way that we've seen a million times. By the end, the film is surprisingly all-or-nothing when Christian teenagers actually contain multitudes.

Part of the problem is that Karen Maine's screenplay doesn't know how naive to make the Alice character. Sometimes she's reasonably naive for a high school senior in 2001; sometimes she's comically naive so that the plot can work; and sometimes she's stupid, which isn't the same as naive.

65. Bad Boys for Life (Adil El Arbi and Bilall Fallah)- This might be the first buddy cop movie in which the vets make peace with the tech-comm youngs who use new techniques. If that's the only novelty on display here--and it is--then maybe that's enough. I laughed maybe once. Not that the mistaken identity subplot of Bad Boys 1 is genius or anything, but this entry felt like it needed just one more layer to keep it from feeling as basic as it does. Speaking of layers though, it's almost impossible to watch any Will Smith movie now without viewing it through the meta-narrative of "What is Will Smith actually saying about his own status at this point in his career?" He's serving it up to us.

I derived an inordinate amount of pleasure from seeing the old school Simpson/Bruckheimer logo.

64. The Gentlemen (Guy Ritchie)- Look, I'm not going to be too negative on a movie whose crime slang is so byzantine that it has to be explained with subtitles. That's just me. I'm a simple man. But I can tell you that I tuned out pretty hard after seven or eight double-crosses.

The bloom is off the rose a bit for Ritchie, but he can still nail a music cue. I've been waiting for someone to hit "That's Entertainment" the way he does on the end credits.

63. Bad Hair (Justin Simien)- In Bad Hair, an African-American woman is told by her boss at a music video channel in 1989 that straightening her hair is the way to get ahead; however, her weave ends up having a murderous mind of its own. Compared to that charged, witty logline, the execution of the plot itself feels like a laborious, foregone conclusion. I'm glad that Simien, a genuinely talented writer, is making movies again though. Drop the skin-care routine, Van Der Beek!

62. Greyhound (Aaron Schneider)- "If this is the type of role that Tom Hanks writes for himself, then he understands his status as America's dad--'wise as the serpent, harmless as the dove'--even better than I thought." "America's Dad! Aye aye, sir!" "At least half of the dialogue is there for texture and authenticity, not there to be understood by the audience." "Fifty percent, Captain!" "The environment looks as fake as possible, but I eventually came around to the idea that the movie is completely devoid of subtext." "No subtext to be found, sir!"

  61. Mank (David Fincher)- About ten years ago, the Creative Screenwriting podcast spent an hour or so with James Vanderbilt, the writer of Zodiac and nothing else that comes close, as he relayed the creative paces that David Fincher pushed him through. Hundreds of drafts and years of collaborative work eventuated in the blueprint for Fincher's most exacting, personal film, which he didn't get a writing credit on only because he didn't seek one.

Something tells me that Fincher didn't ask for rewrites from his dead father. No matter what visuals and performances the director can coax from the script--and, to be clear, these are the worst visuals and performances of his career--they are limited by the muddy lightweight pages. There are plenty of pleasures, like the slippery election night montage or the shakily platonic relationship between Mank and Marion. But Fincher hadn't made a film in six years, and he came back serving someone else's master.

60. Tesla (Michael Almereyda)- "You live inside your head." "Doesn't everybody?"

As usual, Almereyda's deconstructions are invigorating. (No other moment can match the first time Eve Hewson's Anne fact-checks something with her anachronistic laptop.) But they don't add up to anything satisfying because Tesla himself is such an opaque figure. Driven by the whims of his curiosity without a clear finish line, the character gives Hawke something enigmatic to play as he reaches deep into a baritone. But he's too inward to lend himself to drama. Tesla feels of a piece with Almereyda's The Experimenter, and that's the one I would recommend.

59. Vitalina Varela (Pedro Costa)- I can't oversell how delicately beautiful this film is visually. There's a scene in which Vitalina lugs a lantern into a church, but we get several seconds of total darkness before that one light source carves through it and takes over part of the frame. Each composition is as intricate as it is overpowering, achieving a balance between stark and mannered.

That being said, most of the film is people entering or exiting doors. I felt very little of the haunting loss that I think I was supposed to.

58. The Rhythm Section (Reed Morano)- Call it the Timothy Hutton in The General's Daughter Corollary: If a name-actor isn't in the movie much but gets third billing, then, despite whom he sends the protagonist to kill, he is the Actual Bad Guy.  

Even if the movie serves up a lot of cliche, the action and sound design are visceral. I would like to see more from Morano.

57. Red, White and Blue (Steve McQueen)- Well-made and heartfelt even if it goes step-for-step where you think it will.

Here's what I want to know though: In the academy training sequence, the police cadets have to subdue a "berserker"; that is, a wildman who swings at their riot gear with a sledgehammer. Then they get him under control, and he shakes their hands, like, "Good angle you took on me there, mate." Who is that guy and where is his movie? Is this full-time work? Is he a police officer or an independent contractor? What would happen if this exercise didn't go exactly as planned?

56. Wolfwalkers (Tomm Moore and Ross Stewart)- The visuals have an unfinished quality that reminded me of The Tale of Princess Kaguya--the center of a flame is undrawn white, and fog is just negative space. There's an underlying symmetry to the film, and its color palette changes with mood.

Narratively, it's pro forma and drawn-out. Was Riley in Inside Out the last animated protagonist to get two parents? My daughter stuck with it, but she needed a lot of context for the religious atmosphere of 17th century Ireland.

55. What She Said: The Art of Pauline Kael (Rob Garver)- The film does little more than one might expect; it's limited in the way that any visual medium is when trying to sum up a woman of letters. But as far as education for Kael's partnership with Warren Beatty or the idea of The New Yorker paying her for only six months out of the year, it was useful for me.  

Although Garver isn't afraid to point to the work that made Kael divisive, it would have been nice to have one or two interview subjects who questioned her greatness, rather than the crew of Paulettes who, even when they do say something like, "Sometimes I radically disagreed with her," do it without being able to point to any specifics.

54. Beastie Boys Story (Spike Jonze)- As far as this Spike Jonze completist is concerned, this is more of a Powerpoint presentation than a movie, Beastie Boys Story still warmed my heart, making me want to fire up Paul's Boutique again and take more pictures of my buddies.

53. Tenet (Christopher Nolan)- Cool and cold, tantalizing and frustrating, loud and indistinct, Tenet comes close to Nolan self-parody, right down to the brutalist architecture and multiple characters styled like him. The setpieces grabbed me, I'll admit.

Nolan's previous film, which is maybe his best, was "about" a lot and just happened to play with time; Tenet is only about playing with time.

PRETTY GOOD MOVIES

52. Shithouse (Cooper Raiff)- "Death is ass."

There's such a thing as too naturalistic. If I wanted to hear how college freshmen really talked, I would hang out with college freshmen. But you have to take the good verisimilitude with the bad, and good verisimilitude is the mother's Pod Save America t-shirt.

There are some poignant moments (and a gonzo performance from Logan Miller) in this auspicious debut from Cooper Raiff, the writer/director/editor/star. But the second party sequence kills some of the momentum, and at a crucial point, the characters spell out some motivation that should have stayed implied.

51. Totally Under Control (Alex Gibney, Ophelia Harutyunyan, Suzanne Hillinger)- As dense and informative as any other Gibney documentary with the added flex of making it during the pandemic it is investigating.

But yeah, why am I watching this right now? I don't need more reasons to be angry with Trump, whom this film calmly eviscerates. The directors analyze Trump's narcissism first through his contradictions of medical expertise in order to protect the economy that could win him re-election. Then it takes aim at his hiring based on loyalty instead of experience. But you already knew that, which is the problem with the film, at least for now.

50. Happiest Season (Clea Duvall)- I was in the perfect mood to watch something this frothy and bouncy. Every secondary character receives a moment in the sun, and Daniel Levy gets a speech that kind of saves the film at a tipping point.

I must say though: I wanted to punch Harper in her stupid face. She is a terrible romantic partner, abandoning or betraying Abby throughout the film and dissembling her entire identity to everyone else in a way that seems absurd for a grown woman in 2020. Run away, Kristen. Perhaps with Aubrey Plaza, whom you have more chemistry with. But there I go shipping and aligning myself with characters, which only proves that this is an effective romantic comedy.

49. The Way Back (Gavin O’Connor)- Patient but misshapen, The Way Back does just enough to overcome the cliches that are sort of unavoidable considering the genre. (I can't get enough of the parent character who, for no good reason, doesn't take his son's success seriously. "Scholarship? What he's gotta do is put his nose in them books! That's why I don't go to his games. [continues moving boxes while not looking at the other character] Now if you'll excuse me while I wait four scenes before showing up at a game to prove that I'm proud of him after all...")

What the movie gets really right or really wrong in the details about coaching and addiction is a total crap-shoot. But maybe I've said too much already.

48. The Whistlers (Corneliu Porumboiu)- Porumboiu is a real artist who seems to be interpreting how much surveillance we're willing to acknowledge and accept, but I won't pretend to have understood much of the plot, the chapters or which are told out of order. Sometimes the structure works--the beguiling, contextless "high-class hooker" sequence--but I often wondered if the film was impenetrable in the way that Porumboiu wanted it to be or impenetrable in the way he didn't.

To tell you the truth, the experience kind of depressed me because I know that, in my younger days, this film is the type of thing that I would re-watch, possibly with the chronology righted, knowing that it is worth understanding fully. But I have two small children, and I'm exhausted all the time, and I kind of thought I should get some credit for still trying to catch up with Romanian crime movies in the first place.

47. Borat Subsequent Moviefilm (Jason Woliner)- I laughed too much to get overly critical, but the film is so episodic and contrived that it's kind of exhausting by the end--even though it's achieving most of its goals. Maybe Borat hasn't changed, but the way our citizens own their ugliness has.

46. First Cow (Kelly Reichardt)- Despite how little happens in the first forty minutes, First Cow is a thoughtful capitalism parable. Even though it takes about forty minutes to get going, the friendship between Cookie and King-Lu is natural and incisive. Like Reichardt's other work, the film's modest premise unfolds quite gracefully, except for in the first forty minutes, which are uneventful.

45. Les Miserables (Ladj Ly)- I loved parts of the film--the disorienting, claustrophobic opening or the quick look at the police officers' home lives, for example. But I'm not sure that it does anything very well. The needle the film tries to thread between realism and theater didn't gel for me. The ending, which is ambiguous in all of the wrong ways, chooses the theatrical. (If I'm being honest, my expectations were built up by Les Miserables' Jury Prize at Cannes, and it's a bit superficial to be in that company.)

If nothing else, it's always helpful to see how another country's worst case scenario in law enforcement would look pretty good over here.

44. Bad Education (Cory Finley)- The film feels too locked-down and small at the beginning, so intent on developing the protagonist neutrally that even the audience isn't aware of his secrets. So when he faces consequences for those secrets, there's a disconnect. Part of tragedy is seeing the doom coming, right?

When it opens up, however, it's empathetic and subtle, full of a dry irony that Finley is already specializing in after only one other feature. Geraldine Viswanathan and Allison Janney get across a lot of interiority that is not on the page.

43. The Trip to Greece (Michael Winterbottom)- By the fourth installment, you know whether you're on board with the franchise. If you're asking "Is this all there is?" to Coogan and Brydon's bickering and impressions as they're served exotic food in picturesque settings, then this one won't sway you. If you're asking "Is this all there is?" about life, like they are, then I don't need to convince you.  

I will say that The Trip to Spain seemed like an enervated inflection point, at which the squad could have packed it in. The Trip to Greece proves that they probably need to keep doing this until one of them dies, which has been the subtext all along.

42. Feels Good Man (Arthur Jones)- This documentary centers on innocent artist Matt Furie's helplessness as his Pepe the Frog character gets hijacked by the alt-right. It gets the hard things right. It's able to, quite comprehensively, trace a connection from 4Chan's use of Pepe the Frog to Donald Trump's near-assuming of Pepe's ironic deniability. Director Arthur Jones seems to understand the machinations of the alt-right, and he articulates them chillingly.

The easy thing, making us connect to Furie, is less successful. The film spends way too much time setting up his story, and it makes him look naive as it pits him against Alex Jones in the final third. Still, the film is a quick ninety-two minutes, and the highs are pretty high.

41. The Old Guard (Gina Prince-Bythewood)- Some of the world-building and backstory are handled quite elegantly. The relationships actually do feel centuries old through specific details, and the immortal conceit comes together for an innovative final action sequence.

Visually and musically though, the film feels flat in a way that Prince-Bythewood's other films do not. I blame Netflix specs. KiKi Layne, who tanked If Beale Street Could Talk for me, nearly ruins this too with the child-actory way that she stresses one word per line. Especially in relief with one of our more effortless actresses, Layne is distracting.

40. The Trial of the Chicago 7 (Aaron Sorkin)- Whenever Sacha Baron Cohen's Abbie Hoffman opens his mouth, the other defendants brace themselves for his dismissive vulgarity. Even when it's going to hurt him, he can't help but shoot off at the mouth. Of course, he reveals his passionate and intelligent depths as the trial goes on. The character is the one that Sorkin's screenplay seems the most endeared to: In the same way that Hoffman can't help but be Hoffman, Sorkin can't help but be Sorkin. Maybe we don't need a speech there; maybe we don't have to stretch past two hours; maybe a bon mot diffuses the tension. But we know exactly what to expect by now. The film is relevant, astute, witty, benevolent, and, of course, in love with itself. There are a handful of scenes here that are perfect, so I feel bad for qualifying so much.

A smaller point: Daniel Pemberton has done great work in the past (Motherless Brooklyn, King Arthur, The Man from U.N.C.L.E.), but the first sequence is especially marred by his sterile soft-rock approach.

  GOOD MOVIES

39. Time (Garrett Bradley)- The key to Time is that it provides very little context. Why the patriarch of this family is serving sixty years in prison is sort of besides the point philosophically. His wife and sons have to move on without him, and the tragedy baked into that fact eclipses any notion of what he "deserved." Feeling the weight of time as we switch back and forth between a kid talking about his first day of kindergarten and that same kid graduating from dentistry school is all the context we need. Time's presentation can be quite sumptuous: The drone shot of Angola makes its buildings look like crosses. Or is it X's?

At the same time, I need some context. When director Garrett Bradley withholds the reason Robert's in prison, and when she really withholds that Fox took a plea and served twelve years, you start to see the strings a bit. You could argue that knowing so little about why, all of a sudden, Robert can be on parole puts you into the same confused shoes as the family, but it feels manipulative to me. The film is preaching to the choir as far as criminal justice goes, which is fine, but I want it to have the confidence to tell its story above board.

38. Bloody Nose, Empty Pockets (Turner Ross and Bill Ross IV)- I have a barfly friend whom I see maybe once a year. When we first set up a time to meet, I kind of dread it and wonder what we'll have to talk about. Once we do get together, we trip on each other's words a bit, fumbling around with the rhythm of conversation that we mastered decades ago. He makes some kind of joke that could have been appropriate then but isn't now.

By the end of the day, hours later, we're hugging and maybe crying as we promise each other that we won't wait as long next time.

That's the exact same journey that I went on with this film.

37. Underwater (William Eubank)- Underwater is a story that you've seen before, but it's told with great confidence and economy. I looked up at twelve minutes and couldn't believe the whole table had been set. Kristen plays Ripley and projects a smart, benevolent poise.

36. The Lodge (Veronika Franz and Severin Fiala)- I prefer the grounded, manicured first half to the more fantastic second half. The craziness of the latter is only possible through the hard work of the former though. As with Fiala and Franz's previous feature, the visual rhymes and motifs get incorporated into the soup so carefully that you don't realize it until they overwhelm you in their bleak glory.

Small note: Alicia Silverstone, the male lead's first wife, and Riley Keough, his new partner, look sort of similar. I always think that's a nice note: "I could see how he would go for her."

35. Miss Americana (Lana Wilson)- I liked it when I saw it as a portrait of a person whose life is largely decided for her but is trying to carve out personal spaces within that hamster wheel. I loved it when I realized that describes most successful people in their twenties.

34. Sound of Metal (Darius Marder)- Riz Ahmed is showing up on all of the best performances of the year lists, but Sound of Metal isn't in anyone's top ten films of the year. That's about right. Ahmed's is a quiet, stubborn performance that I wish was in service of more than the straight line that we've seen before.

In two big scenes, there's this trick that Ahmed does, a piecing together of consequences with his eyes, as if he's moving through a flow chart in real time. In both cases, the character seems locked out and a little slower than he should be, which is, of course, why he's facing the consequences in the first place. To be charitable to a film that was a bit of a grind, it did make me notice a thing a guy did with his eyes.

33. Pieces of a Woman (Kornel Mundruczo)- Usually when I leave acting showcases like this, I imagine the film without the Oscar-baiting speeches, but this is a movie that specializes in speeches. Pieces of a Woman is being judged, deservedly so, by the harrowing twenty-minute take that opens the film, which is as indulgent as it is necessary. But if the unbroken take provides the "what," then the speeches provide the "why."

This is a film about reclaiming one's body when it rebels against you and when other people seek ownership of it. Without the Ellen Burstyn "lift your head" speech or the Vanessa Kirby show-stopper in the courtroom, I'm not sure any of that comes across.

I do think the film lets us off the hook a bit with the LaBoeuf character, in the sense that it gives us reasons to dislike him when it would be more compelling if he had done nothing wrong. Does his half-remembering of the White Stripes count as a speech?

32. Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom (George C. Wolfe)- This is such a play, not only in the locked-down location but also through nearly every storytelling convention: "Where are the two most interesting characters? Oh, running late? They'll enter separately in animated fashion?" But, to use the type of phrase that the characters might, "Don't hate the player; hate the game."

Perhaps the most theatrical note in this treatise on the commodification of expression is the way that, two or three times, the proceedings stop in their tracks for the piece to declare loudly what it's about. In one of those clear-outs, Boseman, who looks distractingly sick, delivers an unforgettable monologue that transports the audience into his character's fragile, haunted mind. He and Viola Davis are so good that the film sort of buckles under their weight, unsure of how to transition out of those spotlight moments and pretend that the story can start back up. Whatever they're doing is more interesting than what's being achieved overall.

31. Another Round (Thomas Vinterberg)- It's definitely the film that Vinterberg wanted to make, but despite what I think is a quietly shattering performance from Mikkelsen, Another Round moves in a bit too much of a straight line to grab me fully. The joyous final minutes hint at where it could have gone, as do pockets of Vinterberg's filmography, which seems newly tethered to realism in a way that I don't like. The best sequences are the wildest ones, like the uproarious trip to the grocery store for fresh cod, so I don't know why so much of it takes place in tiny hallways at magic hour. I give the inevitable American remake* permission to use these notes.

*- Just spitballing here. Martin: Will Ferrell, Nikolaj (Nick): Ben Stiller, Tommy: Owen Wilson, Peter: Craig Robinson

30. The Invisible Man (Leigh Whannell)- Exactly what I wanted. Exactly what I needed.

I think a less conclusive finale would have been better, but what a model of high-concept escalation. This is the movie people convinced me Whannell's Upgrade was.

29. On the Rocks (Sofia Coppola)- Slight until the Mexican sojourn, which expands the scope and makes the film even more psychosexual than before. At times it feels as if Coppola is actively simplifying, rather than diving into the race and privilege questions that the Murray character all but demands.

As for Murray, is the film 50% worse without him? 70%? I don't know if you can run in supporting categories if you're the whole reason the film exists.

28. Mangrove (Steve McQueen)- The first part of the film seemed repetitive and broad to me. But once it settled in as a courtroom drama, the characterization became more shaded, and the filmmaking itself seemed more fluid. I ended up being quite outraged and inspired.

27. Shirley (Josephine Decker)- Josephine Decker emerges as a real stylist here, changing her foggy, impressionistic approach not one bit with a little more budget. Period piece and established actors be damned--this is still as much of a reeling fever dream as Madeline's Madeline. Both pieces are a bit too repetitive and nasty for my taste, but I respect the technique.

Here's my mandatory "Elisabeth Moss is the best" paragraph. While watching her performance as Shirley Jackson, I thought about her most famous role as Peggy on Mad Men, whose inertia and need to prove herself tied her into confidence knots. Shirley is almost the opposite: paralyzed by her worldview, certain of her talent, rejecting any empathy. If Moss can inhabit both characters so convincingly, she can do anything.

26. An American Pickle (Brandon Trost)- An American Pickle is the rare comedy that could actually use five or ten extra minutes, but it's a surprisingly heartfelt and wholesome stretch for Rogen, who is earnest in the lead roles.

25. The King of Staten Island (Judd Apatow)- At two hours and fifteen minutes, The King of Staten Island is probably the first Judd Apatow film that feels like the exact right length. For example, the baggy date scene between a gracious Bill Burr and a faux-dowdy Marisa Tomei is essential, the sort of widening of perspective that something like Trainwreck was missing.

It's Pete Davidson's movie, however, and though he has never been my cup of tea, I think he's actually quite powerful in his quiet moments. The movie probes some rare territory--a mentally ill man's suspicion that he is unlovable, a family's strategic myth-making out of respect for the dead. And when Davidson shows up at the firehouse an hour and fifteen minutes in, it feels as if we've built to a last resort.

24. Swallow (Carlo Mirabella-Davis)- The tricky part of this film is communicating Hunter's despair, letting her isolation mount, but still keeping her opaque. It takes a lot of visual discipline to do that, and Claudio Mirabella-Davis is up to the task. This ends up being a much more sympathetic, expressive movie than the plot description might suggest.

(In the tie dispute, Hunter and Richie are both wrong. That type of silk--I couldn't tell how pebbled it was, but it's probably a barathea weave-- shouldn't be ironed directly, but it doesn't have to be steamed. On a low setting, you could iron the back of the tie and be fine.)

23. The Vast of Night (Andrew Patterson)- I wanted a bit more "there" there; The film goes exactly where I thought it would, and there isn't enough humor for my taste. (The predictability might be a feature, not a bug, since the film is positioned as an episode of a well-worn Twilight Zone-esque show.)

But from a directorial standpoint, this is quite a promising debut. Patterson knows when to lock down or use silence--he even cuts to black to force us to listen more closely to a monologue. But he also knows when to fill the silence. There's a minute or so when Everett is spooling tape, and he and Fay make small talk about their hopes for the future, developing the characters' personalities in what could have been just mechanics. It's also a refreshingly earnest film. No one is winking at the '50s setting.

I'm tempted to write, "If Andrew Patterson can make this with $1 million, just imagine what he can do with $30 million." But maybe people like Shane Carruth have taught us that Patterson is better off pinching pennies in Texas and following his own muse.

22. Martin Eden (Pietro Marcello)- At first this film, adapted from a picaresque novel by Jack London, seemed as if it was hitting the marks of the genre. "He's going from job to job and meeting dudes who are shaping his worldview now." But the film, shot in lustrous Super 16, won me over as it owned the trappings of this type of story, forming a character who is a product of his environment even as he transcends it. By the end, I really felt the weight of time.

You want to talk about something that works better in novels than films though? When a passionate, independent protagonist insists that a woman is the love of his life, despite the fact that she's whatever Italians call a wet blanket. She's rich, but Martin doesn't care about her money. He hates her family and friends, and she refuses to accept him or his life pursuits. She's pretty but not even as pretty as the waitress they discuss. Tell me what I'm missing here. There's archetype, and there's incoherence.

21. Bacurau (Kleber Mendonca Filho and Juliano Dornelles)- Certain images from this adventurous film will stick with me, but I got worn out after the hard reset halfway through. As entranced as I was by the mystery of the first half, I think this blood-soaked ensemble is better at asking questions than it is at answering them.

20. Let Them All Talk (Steven Soderbergh)- The initial appeal of this movie might be "Look at these wonderful actresses in their seventies getting a movie all to themselves." And the film is an interesting portrait of ladies taking stock of relationships that have spanned decades. But Soderbergh and Eisenberg handle the twentysomething Lucas Hedges character with the same openness and empathy. His early reasoning for going on the trip is that he wants to learn from older women, and Hedges nails the puppy-dog quality of a young man who would believe that. Especially in the scenes of aspirational romance, he's sweet and earnest as he brushes his hair out of his face.

Streep plays Alice Hughes, a serious author of literary fiction, and she crosses paths with Kelvin Kranz, a grinder of airport thrillers. In all of the right ways, Let Them All Talk toes the line between those two stances as an entertaining, jaunty experiment that also shoulders subtextual weight. If nothing else, it's easy to see why a cruise ship's counterfeit opulence, its straight lines at a lean, would be visually engaging to Soderbergh. You can't have a return to form if your form is constantly evolving.

19. Dick Johnson Is Dead (Kirsten Johnson)- Understandably, I don't find the subject as interesting as his own daughter does, and large swaths of this film are unsure of what they're trying to say. But that's sort of the point, and the active wrestling that the film engages in with death ultimately pays off in a transcendent moment. The jaw-dropping ending is something that only non-fiction film can achieve, and Johnson's whole career is about the search for that sort of serendipity.

18. Da 5 Bloods (Spike Lee)- Delroy Lindo is a live-wire, but his character is the only one of the principals who is examined with the psychological depth I was hoping for. The first half, with all of its present-tense flourishes, promises more than the gunfights of the second half can deliver. When the film is cooking though, it's chock full of surprises, provocations, and pride.

17. Never Rarely Sometimes Always (Eliza Hittmann)- Very quickly, Eliza Hittmann has established herself as an astute, empathetic director with an eye for discovering new talent. I hope that she gets to make fifty more movies in which she objectively follows laconic young people. But I wanted to like this one more than I did. The approach is so neutral that it's almost flat to me, lacking the arc and catharsis of her previous film, Beach Rats. I still appreciate her restraint though.

GREAT MOVIES

16. Young Ahmed (Jean-Pierre Dardenne and Luc Dardenne)- I don't think the Dardennes have made a bad movie yet, and I'm glad they turned away from the slight genre dipping of The Unknown Girl, the closest to bad that they got. Young Ahmed is a lean, daring return to form.

Instead of following an average person, as they normally do, the Dardenne Brothers follow an extremist, and the objectivity that usually generates pathos now serves to present ambiguity. Ahmed says that he is changing, that he regrets his actions, but we never know how much of his stance is a put-on. I found myself wanting him to reform, more involved than I usually am in these slices of life. Part of it is that Idir Ben Addi looks like such a normal, young kid, and the Ahmed character has most of the qualities that we say we want in young people: principles, commitment, self-worth, reflection. So it's that much more destructive when those qualities are used against him and against his fellow man.

15. World of Tomorrow Episode Three: The Absent Destinations of David Prime (Don Hertzfeldt)- My dad, a man whom I love but will never understand, has dismissed modern music before by claiming that there are only so many combinations of chords. To him, it's almost impossible to do something new. Of course, this is the type of thing that an uncreative person would say--a person not only incapable of hearing the chords that combine notes but also unwilling to hear the space between the notes. (And obviously, that's the take of a person who doesn't understand that, originality be damned, some people just have to create.)

  Anyway, that attitude creeps into my own thinking more than I would like, but then I watch something as wholly original as World of Tomorrow Episode Three. The series has always been a way to pile sci-fi ideas on top of each other to prove the essential truths of being and loving. And this one, even though it achieves less of a sense of yearning than its predecessor, offers even more devices to chew on. Take, for example, the idea that Emily sends her message from the future, so David's primitive technology can barely handle it. In order to move forward with its sophistication, he has to delete any extraneous skills for the sake of computer memory. So out of trust for this person who loves him, he has to weigh whether his own breathing or walking can be uninstalled as a sacrifice for her. I thought that we might have been done describing love, but there it is, a new metaphor. Mixing futurism with stick figures to get at the most pure drive possible gave us something new. It's called art, Dad.

14. On the Record (Kirby Dick and Amy Ziering)- We don't call subjects of documentaries "stars" for obvious reasons, but Drew Dixon kind of is one. Her honesty and wisdom tell a complete story of the #MeToo movement. Kirby Dick and Amy Ziering take their time developing her background at first, not because we need to "gain sympathy" or "establish credibility" for a victim of sexual abuse, but because showing her talent and enthusiasm for hip-hop A&R makes it that much more tragic when her passion is extinguished. Hell, I just like the woman, so spending a half-hour on her rise was pleasurable in and of itself.

  This is a gut-wrenching, fearless entry in what is becoming Dick and Ziering's raison d'etre, but its greatest quality is Dixon's composed reflection. She helped to establish a pattern of Russell Simmons's behavior, but she explains what happened to her in ways I had never heard before.

13. David Byrne’s American Utopia (Spike Lee)- I'm often impressed by the achievements that puzzle me: How did they pull that off? But I know exactly how David Byrne pulled off the impish but direct precision of American Utopia: a lot of hard work.

I can't blame Spike Lee for stealing a page from Demme's Stop Making Sense: He denies us a close-up of any audience members until two-thirds of the way through, when we get someone in absolute rapture.

12. One Night in Miami... (Regina King)- We've all cringed when a person of color is put into the position of speaking on behalf of his or her entire race. But the characters in One Night in Miami... live in that condition all the time and are constantly negotiating it. As Black public figures in 1964, they know that the consequences of their actions are different, bigger, than everyone else's. The charged conversations between Malcolm X and Sam Cooke are not about whether they can live normal lives. They're way past that. The stakes are closer to Sam Cooke arguing that his life's purpose aligns with the protection and elevation of African-Americans while Malcolm X argues that those pursuits should be the same thing. Late in the movie, Cassius Clay leaves the other men, a private conversation, to talk to reporters, a public conversation. But the film argues that everything these men do is always already public. They're the most powerful African-Americans in the country, but their lives are not their own. Or not only their own.

It's true that the first act has the clunkiness and artifice of a TV movie, but once the film settles into the motel room location and lets the characters feed off one another, it's gripping. It's kind of unfair for a movie to get this many scenes of Leslie Odom Jr. singing, but I'll take it.

11. Saint Frances (Alex Thompson)- Rilke wrote, "Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something helpless that wants help from us." The characters' behavior in Saint Frances--all of these fully formed characters' behavior--made me think of that quotation. When they lash out at one another, even at their nastiest, the viewer has a window into how they're expressing pain they can't verbalize. The film is uneven in its subtlety, but it's a real showcase for screenwriter and star Kelly O'Sullivan, who is unflinching and dynamic in one of the best performances of the year. Somebody give her some of the attention we gave to Zach Braff for God's sake.

10. Boys State (Jesse Moss and Amanda McBaine)- This documentary is kind of a miracle from a logistical standpoint. From casting interviews beforehand, lots of editing afterwards, or sly note-taking once the conference began, McBaine and Moss happened to select the four principals who mattered the most at the convention, then found them in rooms full of dudes wearing the same tucked-in t-shirt. By the way, all of the action took place over the course of one week, and by definition, the important events are carved in half.

To call Boys State a microcosm of American politics is incorrect. These guys are forming platforms and voting in elections. What they're doing is American politics, so when they make the same compromises and mistakes that active politicians do, it produces dread and disappointment. So many of the boys are mimicking the political theater that they see on TV, and that sweaty sort of performance is going to make a Billy Mitchell out of this kid Ben Feinstein, and we'll be forced to reckon with how much we allow him to evolve as a person. This film is so precise, but what it proves is undeniably messy. Luckily, some of these seventeen-year-olds usher in hope for us all.

If nothing else, the film reveals the level to which we're all speaking in code.

9. The Nest (Sean Durkin)- In the first ten minutes or so of The Nest, the only real happy minutes, father and son are playing soccer in their quaint backyard, and the father cheats to score on a children's net before sliding on the grass to rub in his victory. An hour later, the son kicks the ball around by himself near a regulation goal on the family's massive property. The contrast is stark and obvious, as is the symbolism of the dead horse, but that doesn't mean it's not visually powerful or resonant.

Like Sean Durkin's earlier film, Martha Marcy May Marlene, the whole of The Nest is told with detail of novelistic scope and an elevation of the moment. A snippet of radio that mentions Ronald Reagan sets the time period, rather than a dateline. One kid saying "Thanks, Dad" and another kid saying, "Thanks, Rory" establishes a stepchild more elegantly than any other exposition might.

But this is also a movie that does not hide what it means. Characters usually say exactly what is on their minds, and motivations are always clear. For example, Allison smokes like a chimney, so her daughter's way of acting out is leaving butts on the window sill for her mother to find. (And mother and daughter both definitely "act out" their feelings.) On the other hand, Ben, Rory's biological son, is the character least like him, so these relationships aren't too directly parallel. Regardless, Durkin uses these trajectories to cast a pall of familial doom.

8. Sorry We Missed You (Sean Durkin)- Another precisely calibrated empathy machine from Ken Loach. The overwhelmed matriarch, Abby, is a caretaker, and she has to break up a Saturday dinner to rescue one of her clients, who wet herself because no one came to help her to the bathroom. The lady is embarrassed, and Abby calms her down by saying, "You mean more to me than you know." We know enough about Abby's circumstances to realize that it's sort of a lie, but it's a beautiful lie, told by a person who cares deeply but is not cared for.

Loach's central point is that the health of a family, something we think of as immutable and timeless, is directly dependent upon the modern industry that we use to destroy ourselves. He doesn't have to be "proven" relevant, and he didn't plan for Covid-19 to point to the fragility of the gig economy, but when you're right, you're right.

7. Lovers Rock (Steve McQueen)- swear to you I thought: "This is an impeccable depiction of a great house party. The only thing it's missing is the volatile dude who scares away all the girls." And then the volatile dude who scares away all the girls shows up.

In a year short on magic, there are two or three transcendent moments, but none of them can equal the whole crowd singing along to "Silly Games" way after the song has ended. Nothing else crystallizes the film's note of celebration: of music, of community, of safe spaces, of Black skin. I remember moments like that at house parties, and like all celebrations, they eventually make me sad.

6. Crip Camp: A Disability Revolution (Nicole Newnham and James Lebrecht)- I held off on this movie because I thought that I knew what it was. The setup was what I expected: A summer camp for the disabled in the late '60s takes on the spirit of the time and becomes a haven for people who have not felt agency, self-worth, or community anywhere else. But that's the right-place-right-time start of a story that takes these figures into the '80s as they fight for their rights.

If you're anything like my dumb ass, you know about 504 accommodations from the line on a college syllabus that promises equal treatment. If 2020 has taught us anything though, it's that rights are seized, not given, and this is the inspiring story of people who unified to demand what they deserved. Judy Heumann is a civil rights giant, but I'm ashamed to say I didn't know who she was before this film. If it were just a history lesson that wasn't taught in school, Crip Camp would still be valuable, but it's way more than that.

5. Palm Springs (Max Barbakow)- When explaining what is happening to them, Andy Samberg's Nyles twirls his hand at Cristin Milioti's Sara and says, "It's one of those infinite time-loop scenarios." Yeah, one of those. Armed with only a handful of fictional examples, she and the audience know exactly what he means, and the continually inventive screenplay by Andy Siara doesn't have to do any more explaining. In record time, the film accelerates into its premise, involves her, and sets up the conflict while avoiding the claustrophobia of even Groundhog Day. That economy is the strength that allows it to be as funny as it is. By being thrifty with the setup, the savings can go to, say, the couple crashing a plane into a fiery heap with no consequences.

In some accidental ways, this is, of course, a quarantine romance as well. Nyles and Sara frustratingly navigate the tedious wedding as if they are play-acting--which they sort of are--then they push through that sameness to grow for each other, realizing that dependency is not weakness. The best relationships are doing the same thing right now.

  Although pointedly superficial--part of the point of why the couple is such a match--and secular--I think the notion of an afterlife would come up at least once--Palm Springs earns the sincerity that it gets around to. And for a movie ironic enough to have a character beg to be impaled so that he doesn't have to sit in traffic, that's no small feat.

  4. The Assistant (Kitty Green)- A wonder of Bressonian objectivity and rich observation, The Assistant is the rare film that deals exclusively with emotional depth while not once explaining any emotions. One at a time, the scrape of the Kleenex box might not be so grating, the long hallway trek to the delivery guy might not be so tiring, but this movie gets at the details of how a job can destroy you in ways that add up until you can't even explain them.

3. Promising Young Woman (Emerald Fennell)- In her most incendiary and modern role, Carey Mulligan plays Cassie, which is short for Cassandra, that figure doomed to tell truths that no one else believes. The web-belted boogeyman who ruined her life is Al, short for Alexander, another Greek who is known for his conquests. The revenge story being told here--funny in its darkest moments, dark in its funniest moments--is tight on its surface levels, but it feels as if it's telling a story more archetypal and expansive than that too.

  An exciting feature debut for its writer-director Emerald Fennell, the film goes wherever it dares. Its hero has a clear purpose, and it's not surprising that the script is willing to extinguish her anger halfway through. What is surprising is the way it renews and muddies her purpose as she comes into contact with half-a-dozen brilliant one- or two-scene performances. (Do you think Alfred Molina can pull off a lawyer who hates himself so much that he can't sleep? You would be right.)

Promising Young Woman delivers as an interrogation of double standards and rape culture, but in quiet ways it's also about our outsized trust in professionals and the notion that some trauma cannot be overcome.

INSTANT CLASSICS

2. Soul (Pete Docter)- When Pete Docter's Up came out, it represented a sort of coronation for Pixar: This was the one that adults could like unabashedly. The one with wordless sequences and dead children and Ed Asner in the lead. But watching it again this week with my daughter, I was surprised by how high-concept and cloying it could be. We choose not to remember the middle part with the goofy dog stuff.

Soul is what Up was supposed to be: honest, mature, stirring. And I don't mean to imply that a family film shouldn't make any concessions to children. But Soul, down to the title, never compromises its own ambition. Besides Coco, it's probably the most credible character study that Pixar has ever made, with all of Joe's growth earned the hard way. Besides Inside Out, it's probably the wittiest comedy that Pixar has ever made, bursting with unforced energy.

There's a twitter fascination going around about Dez, the pigeon-figured barber character whose scene has people gushing, "Crush my windpipe, king" or whatever. Maybe that's what twitter does now, but no one fantasized about any characters in Up. And I count that as progress.

1. I’m Thinking of Ending Things (Charlie Kaufman)- After hearing that our name-shifting protagonist moonlights as an artist, a no-nonsense David Thewlis offers, "I hope you're not an abstract artist." He prefers "paintings that look like photographs" over non-representational mumbo-jumbo. And as Jessie Buckley squirms to try to think of a polite way to talk back, you can tell that Charlie Kaufman has been in the crosshairs of this same conversation. This morose, scary, inscrutable, expressionist rumination is not what the Netflix description says it is at all, and it's going to bother nice people looking for a fun night in. Thank God.

The story goes that Steven Spielberg and George Lucas, when constructing Raiders of the Lost Ark, sought to craft a movie that was "only the good parts" with little of the clunky setup that distracted from action. What we have here is a Charlie Kaufman movie with only the Charlie Kaufman moments, less interested than ever before at holding one's hand. The biting humor is here, sometimes aimed at philistines like the David Thewlis character above, sometimes at the niceties that we insist upon. The lonely horror of everyday life is here, in the form of missed calls from oneself or the interruption of an inner monologue. Of course, communicating the overwhelming crush of time, both unknowable and familiar, is the raison d'etre.

A new pet motif seems to be the way that we don't even own our own knowledge. The Young Woman recites "Bonedog" by Eva H.D., which she claims/thinks she wrote, only to find Jake's book open to that page, next to a Pauline Kael book that contains a Woman Under the Influence review that she seems to have internalized later. When Jake muses about Wordsworth's "Lucy Poems," it starts as a way to pass the time, then it becomes a way to lord his education over her, then it becomes a compliment because the subject resembles her, then it becomes a way to let her know that, in the grand scheme of things, she isn't that special at all. This film jerks the viewer through a similar wintry cycle and leaves him with his own thoughts. It's not a pretty picture, but it doesn't look like anything else.

[piccolosniccolo]

The Wreckers, but they’re a High School Jazz Band

Who do I need to sell my soul to for a Wreckers cartoon? You’ve got all the good ingredients for an excellent show just sitting there! We’ve got a well-rounded cast, giant weapons, badass female characters, space adventures, sexual tension, disturbing villains, and war crimes (basically, a combination between MTMTE and Cyberverse)! Additionally, I want to see Verity kick someone’s ass again. I want Rotorstorm to dab and be the Cybertronian equivalent of a tik toker. I want Springer back on TV. I want Overlord to randomly show up and screw with everyone. I want to have more options for procrastinating my engineering homework. Is that too much to ask? Fine, I’ll do it myself… eventually…

I referred to the IDW 2005 and the Aligned Wreckers roster to make this list.

Voice

Moonracer: Soprano, but she also preforms on strings (string bass, violin, and viola) when there is not a soprano part in the music. Before rehearsal starts, you can find her congregated in front of the band hall with the saxophones. They’re typically encouraging someone to chug some ungodly mixture of red bull, monster, and rockstar energy drinks.

Strongarm: Alto, but she also plays guitar when there is not an alto part in the music. She’s the only freshman who practices for rehearsal.

Sixknight: Tenor, but he plays alto saxophone when there is not a tenor part in the music. As the only freshman saxophone, he is constantly volunteered to put whatever plan the section concocts into action. The amount of energy drinks he has consumed is questionable.

Ultra Magnus: Bass, but he performs on trombone when there is not a bass part in the music. When he’s not singing, he’s attempting to reign in the hot mess that is the low brass section.

Clarinet

Ironfist: The nerd™ of the ensemble. His locker is basically a music library with music stemming from all eras of jazz history. His bucket list includes mastering every single instrument in a jazz ensemble.

Bass Clarinet

Broadside: He’s the band kid you didn’t realize was a band kid until you read the program for the performance.

Alto Saxophone

Sandstorm: He has the lowest attention span out of everyone in the program. When you hear him practice, he’ll sift between 20 different pieces in four minutes trying to find something that matches his mood. You never know what you’re going to get when he does improv, his playing drastically changes every single time.

Rotorstorm: Responsible for dragging his section into 95% of their shenanigans. He has memorized very single band pun you can think of, and he spends most of rehearsal putting them into practice. When he’s not making quips, he’s working on improv in spite of a teacher who looked down on him.  

Breacher: Makes sure Sixknight does something first before doing it himself. Yes, he’s down to do whatever the other Wreckers are doing, but just in case Prowl walks into the room, he doesn’t want to get caught doing something wrong. He’s got a reputation to make for himself!

Tenor Saxophone

Hubcap: As a result of Roadbuster’s teaching, he’ll feign a fever to get out of rehearsal when the guy is scheduled to lead rehearsal. I don’t blame him, I wouldn’t want to go through that either.  

Verity Carlo: She snuck into the band bus for a competition and the group decided to add her to their ranks. She’s either practicing with Springer and/or Ultra Magnus, or she’s causing some type of chaos with Miko.  

Baritone Saxophone

Guzzle: He was chill for the first two years of high school. Then junior year attacked, and his personality was drained away by stress, all nighters, and AP exams. Oof.

Trumpet

Pyro: The arrogant™ member of the group. He says he’s the hot stuff, acts like the hot stuff, and is on the hunt to prove that he’s the hot stuff.

Twin Twist: Joined the program as soon as he started high school. He is the definition of a band kid and proud. He has a bad habit of practicing his instrument until midnight, much to his brother’s and neighbor’s chagrin.

Topspin: His twin joined band first. He decided to join because he had to stay after school anyway to drive him home, plus his brother kept insisting it the greatest thing ever. He’s the only quiet trumpet.

Roadbuster: When he’s in charge of rehearsals, the only thing he focuses on is sixteenth note patterns. In his opinion, if you haven’t developed arthritis by the time you graduate high school, you didn’t practice enough.

Trombone

Miko Nakadai: Typically drags Bulkhead into some type of trouble. She’s got a ton of energy and band is her place to burn it off. She also plays electric guitar.

Bulkhead: He means well, but he’s often dragged into some ridiculous scheme with his friends. He goes along with them until the risk of getting hurt gets too high, then he steers them away so they won’t get expelled. Sometimes, though, he’ll accidentally start their next big quest and he’ll go along with it as if it was intentional. This is often stealing snacks from the teacher’s lounge.

Wheeljack: When he’s not blowing something up in the chemistry lab, he’s in the band hall playing stand tunes in “blastissimo” with the other trombones. Ultra Magnus has tried to get him to stop, but he has yet to be deterred.

Bass Trombone

Arcee: She isn’t an official member of the group, but she’s around often enough that she might as well be. She’s either joking around with the trombones and/or saxophones, or she’s getting into fights on behalf of her friends before rehearsal starts. You want her on your side, not as an opponent.

Tuba

Kup: He graduated from high school a long, long, long time ago, but he’s good friends with the directors and teaches private lessons. He’s a welcome member of the group and gives the best advice. Additionally, he can play the banjo.

Guitar

Springer: He’s the dad of the group. He can be tough on you, but he does it because he genuinely cares about the growth of the program. He also has the type of personality that draws people in and keeps them hooked on band.

Bass Guitar

Impactor: He’s an enigma. He’ll regularly attend rehearsal, then he’ll go off the grid for a few weeks. He’ll either be relaxed about practicing, or he’ll be strict. You never know what you’re going to get when you’re talking to him, but one thing remains consistent: he’s a damn good bass guitarist.

Piano

Perceptor: He has never missed a note. Ever. If you ever listen to him play, you’re always in awe, regardless if he’s a soloist or an accompanist.  

Drum Kit

Rack’n’Ruin: You’ve got trouble, now make it double! Sometimes their coordination is a bit of a problem, but they manage to work around it.

Vibraphone

Whirl: He’s vibing.

Extras:

First Aid: He shows up to every performance, every contest, and sometimes sits outside the band hall and listens to rehearsals. He has all their covers downloaded on his phone and listens to them when he studies. He has considered joining, but his pre-med teacher gives him excessive amounts of homework.

Drift: He was a member for a few months, but he had to switch out of jazz to incorporate a PE credit into his schedule. He’s still in the wind ensemble, so you can find him hanging out in the band hall.

Prowl: He’s the assistant band director, so a majority of his responsibilities include making sure the various band programs aren’t wasting their limited funding. He occasionally pops into Jazz rehearsal to make sure no one lit the building on fire, but you’ll hear from him most of the time through ominous emails.

Overlord: When he isn’t in the Decepticon Wind Symphony, he’s terrorizing the Wreckers. Megatron has threatened to kick him out of the program if he doesn’t get in line, but this only encourages Overlord to continue being awful.

Tarantulas: Prowl’s ex who will randomly show up on campus so they can talk about their divorce. You can sometimes hear them arguing during rehearsal. It’s awkward and no one wants to get involved.