#Also I finally found the tracks that connect to the scene of Twice's death

[buttercupshands]

MHA didn't create some miracle way of helping others. It was never promised to be this way. And when it came to villains...

Spoilers for manga all the way to chapter 423.

The only way to get anything in life in MHA was to be born "normal" like everyone else and that way of thinking never left Izuku with Toga getting the same treatment she did before from everyone from her family to her "normal" classmates. It was Ochako who helped Toga even if just a little by lifting the weight of all the feelings that Toga had.

She couldn't save Toga the way one could save a civilian by saving them from harm. If it worked that way Dabi would've saved Toga even before Ochako could apologize for failing to notice Toga. She was so lazer focused on saving everyone else, that she was just another villain to stop, not a human.

Even if by the end of it Ochako helped Toga to deal with her grief, acceptance as it was wasn't something possible when a quirk makes you want to drink someone's blood from jealousy.

We got a bittersweet ending with Toga, in which she probably died from blood loss just like her double did in MVA. If it wasn't for Twice she would've died back then.

Giving away her blood for Ochako wasn't a redemption or a way to save Toga in the end, more as it was her being true to herself until the very end.

Just like Twice chose to stay with the League even if Hawks offered him a way to survive that battle. He refused and died protecting his friends who accepted him instead of choosing to betray them and accept Hawks' offer.

After Twice's death... It was a matter of time that more 'active' LoV members would join him as well. As sad as it is, we now can return to Izuku.

Who, after his time OFA-AFO quirk space, now wanted to help a "crying boy" he saw in Tenko just as before with Katsuki in chapter 1. He didn't forgive Tomura and didn't excuse the way he chose to solve his problems.

It didn't mean that Tomura would survive in their battle, even if Izuku didn't see killing others as a way to solve problems. He didn't understand Tomura, but he still wanted to try, and try he did.

The rest of this post was nothing more than a contextual prologue to understand that it's not the first time a hero failed to save a villain and in Twice's case we know that he died and his death was the reason Toga started thinking about her own possible death and Dabi finally revealed himself as Toya.

The goal of saving a "crying boy" never was an end-goal for Izuku in the Final arc, since helping Tomura deal with his feelings just left him hollow with a goal that clashed with Izuku's. As being a hero for villains meant destroying the world for them to help them live freely.

But that was before AFO resurfaced.

Sadly after that Tomura who was talking about making his own choices for a while now stopped doing that. Even if he still had a goal of helping villains and only villains, Tomura was almost gone. And his goals were now unreachable.

Izuku helped Nana who in turn kept Tomura from fading away entirely. In MHA there were countless situations where Izuku's help affected people by helping a different person to keep hope, All-Might being the first one and Nana being the last one at the moment.

Hollow after Izuku helped him to get rid of his hatred Tomura could do the only thing he did - accept the situation as it was.

Accepting AFO as his Sensei, accepting Stain's ideals and Overhaul's deal was the way he solved his problems. Just like Izuku had a problem of understanding something outside of his norm, Tomura was accepting too many things, which lead to his downfall after accepting AFO's quirk.

Just like Twice could've given up everything that he had for his friends so did Tomura.

With Izuku helping as much as he could let Tomura to finally rest as he wasn't really living ever since waking up in the hospital. With his body now affected by AFO's wishes instead of his own until the end.

In a way Izuku didn't succeed in his wish for Tomura to stop ever since PLF war arc. As he "kept fighting to destroy" no matter how hard Izuku tried to stop him.

The only thing he succeeded in was changing Tomura's mind about himself, instead of viewing himself as a monster he accepted that he was a human just like Izuku said. A "crying boy" who couldn't really destroy Izuku's hands in the end.

For a group of Villains who weren't supposed to get profiles of their own at the start of the series, League is slowly fading as the most memorable group that there was in MHA, getting backstories, their own Villain themed arc all the while being as human as anyone else.

As sad as their story is they were not "unlucky", they didn't need a happy false ending where they would need to change to be normal - they chose to live this way and they lived it to it's fullest.

[wingedblooms]

the heart of a dreamer

My favorite theory continues to be that Elain is the Suriel 2.0. Their powers seem to be similar and, honestly, they just give off the same vibe. I started to explore this in the Blodeuwedd post and have found additional connections, so I thought it would be fun to share them. Let’s go back to the very beginning, shall we?

When she is living in the Spring Court, Feyre learns of a faerie that will respond to any question when trapped. This faerie is called the Suriel (a title, not a name). The Suriel is lured by the prospect of a new article of clothing, usually a cloak or robe, and food. It is trapped by running water and a grove of trees. Feyre repeats these instructions she receives from Lucien to herself when she lures the Suriel for the first time.

Feyre describes the Suriel in detail, particularly its milky white eyes that remind her of death. Despite its frightening appearance, the Suriel is not wicked (like Lucien warned) and chooses to help Feyre.

In ACOMAF, Feyre lures the Suriel again and we discover that it may have allowed itself to be lured in order to help her. Silence accompanies its creeping presence as usual.

When using its power, the Suriel will sometimes angle its head and listen before responding to Feyre.

Elain helps Feyre locate the Suriel one last time, using whatever tracking power she possesses. The Suriel allows itself to be found and sacrifices its life to help her. In its final words, it requests that Feyre leaves the world a better place than she found it.

Now, let’s take a look at how these moments may parallel Elain. In the first scene of ACOTAR, Feyre mentions that Elain needs a new cloak and her sister echoes this observation when Feyre returns home. Elain claims she’ll shiver to death in her current raggedy cloak.

Elain’s light and loveliness is often remarked upon, so when Feyre sees her again for the first time after she is Made, she is shocked by what she finds. She describes her state in detail and uses language that reminds us of the corpse-like Suriel.

Like the Suriel, Elain is lured and put at great risk three chapters after its death. As if we needed another reminder of the Suriel, Sarah also has Rhys find Elain’s warm and rich cloak in a copse of trees at the edge of camp.

Her powers, and the way she behaves when she uses those powers, are eerily similar to the Suriel. She has superior sight and hearing—even her sisters are unnerved by the things she can hear. And when she uses her power to respond to specific questions, she sometimes cocks her head and listens.

Her final lines in the trilogy should also make us remember the Suriel’s request: after so much death and destruction, Elain’s first plan is to restore life and beauty to the world around her, quite literally making the world a better place.

These connections bring up more questions than answers for me.

What is the Suriel, exactly? Is it born with its powers or chosen to bear them?

Could Elain have been chosen to be a new kind of Suriel by the Cauldron because she, too, is a dreamer at heart, and that is what it saw when it gifted her similar powers?

What do these connections mean for Elain’s journey as we continue in this spin-off series?

Sarah left us some clues in ACOSF for the last question in particular. First, we are reminded that Elain was lured by the Cauldron’s siren song in ACOWAR and was rescued by Azriel and Feyre. Nesta is naturally concerned about her sister’s safety as they learn about the existence of the Trove, which are Cauldron-made items, and warns Elain to stay away from the search for them. Azriel reassures Nesta that he has eyes on Elain and they cannot be blinded. They will not make the same mistake twice.

Based on what we know of the Suriel, however, it was lured not once but thrice. The last two times, as far as we know, were because it wanted to help. It allowed itself to be caught in service of its dreams—to make the world a better place. So, it will not be a surprise if Elain, who is creeping around like the Suriel, is lured again. Her powers are unique and would be greatly coveted by those who seek the Trove in order to rule. And it won’t be Graysen that is used against her this time, but perhaps our very own Shadowsinger who confidently claimed his eyes could not be blinded. Why else would Sarah include these reminders and introduce a new type of faerie—a lightsinger—that lures for sport, much like our trickster Cauldron? After all, both of these creatures were mentioned in the same breath by Lucien when he described the difference between high fae and lesser fae:

“Anyway,” Lucien went on, “the High Fae don’t have specific powers the way the lesser faeries do. I don’t have a natural-born affinity, if that’s what you’re asking. I don’t clean everything in sight or lure mortals to a watery death or grant you answers to whatever questions you might have if you trap me. We just exist—to rule.”

This early connection might very well mean that Sarah has been building toward this plot for years. Will these distinct faerie powers manifest in two separate characters, who share a striking number of similarities, or did the Cauldron bless Elain with both? Is that what is meant by trembling fawn and fanged beast? You can read more about that in this post.

[disgruntledspacedad]

Better Love Notes

If you’re confused about location, timing, or characters in my Narcos AU series Better Love, this is the post for you.

Better Love is an AU reader insert series that begins midway through Narcos season two. Because it is AU, and because Narcos is complicated af anyway, I wanted to take some time to clarify what things in Better Love will be different than what you're used to seeing in the show.

Hannah “Ears” Aarons

First, I think it’s important to clarify that Ears is more of an OC written in second person than she is a generic reader insert. I might refer to her as “you,” but Ears has a name, a face claim, a backstory, and a huge personality. If that bothers you loads, I totally understand and you’re free to duck out at any point, but don’t come at me. If you have specific questions regarding Ears’ background, personality, physical appearance, family history, or whatever else, get with me privately. I would love to introduce you to my chaotic sunshine child.

Official Job Title: Ears is officially an employee of the CIA, but she is not an agent (read: spy). She was brought to Colombia to be a liaison between Centra Spike, the DEA, and the CIA. She introduces herself to Search Bloc by saying, "I'll be your ears," but in reality, she was put in place to be Bill Strechner’s ears. More on that later. She has a background with the US Army that's basically useless (desk job), a ton of training and zero practical experience with flyover recon and radiofrequency tracking, and she's itching to do something real with her life.

Timing

Ears arrives in Bogotá around August of 1992 and falls in bed with Peña pretty much immediately. Horacio Carillo did die recently, but Javi did not start working with Los Pepes and Don Berna until November of 1992. Assume all of the drama with Martinez Jr. and Los Pepes took place around the time that he and Ears were on the outs - that's just another factor that led Javi to make the emotional, rash decision to work with the cartels that he winds up regretting.

There is actually a one year span of time between season two, episode six and the end of the show. Pretty much the entirety of Better Love (for now) takes place during this year, so if it seems like I’m really stretching things out, that’s actually because the show mushed it all together. I promise, guys, I have done my research here.

Locations

The majority of scenes in Better Love will take place in Bogotá, the capital city of Colombia. It’s important to keep Bogotá separate from Medellín, which is where the nit and grit of the hunt for Escobar takes place. 

Getting to Medellín from Bogotá requires a one hour flight or an eight hour drive (Colombia is roughly twice the size of Texas, fyi). For a gringo, driving around the cities was dangerous, but driving outside the cities was suicide. Javi and Steve might take planes, or they might take an armored chopper, depends on my mood when I'm writing. Assume there's a landing strip nearby the embassy, because I'm lazy like that.

The U.S. Embass(ies): Centra Spike, Search Bloc, and the DEA office are all housed in the old embassy building that's basically right across from the new one (the super upscale nice one that actually functions as an embassy). 

There's a lot of confusion and shuffling around in the show, so I wanted to clarify what goes where (also, the real Murphy and Peña had offices in the old, unused embassy, so this is sort of legit). For simplicity's sake, I am assuming that CNP (Colombian National Police) headquarters are also in or nearby this building. Ears might refer to "headquarters," "the office," or "the embassy," and it's all the same place. Basically, everything is centrally located in Bogotá, and when I refer to “the DEA office,” or “Javi’s office,” picture it from season one - two desks that are not shoved on top of each other, with glass windows and real filing cabinets. The CIA is also located here, as is Strechner's office and the fabled White Room.

These buildings are in Bogotá, nearby Peña’s and Murphy's apartments. I will differentiate between the New, Swanky, Functional U.S. Embassy by capitalizing it and giving it its full title. If I say “embassy,” assume I’m talking about the older one where Javi and Ears are based.

The Carlos Holguin School: This is the base of Search Bloc operations in Medellín, and the primary location that we see in season two of the show. Think of it almost as a military base - training grounds, barracks, bare-bones, no a/c, shitty food. Javi and Steve often stay at "the school" overnight while conducting operations in Medellín. They might also refer to this as “camping” or “the camp,” or “base.” It sucks balls. This is where Javi and Steve have their messy, shoved on top of each other desks that we tend to associate with the show. Javi and Steve still work from here just as often as we see in canon, there just won’t be as many scenes in this location because Ears is never there. 

Javi’s apartment: Javi and Steve primarily live in Bogotá. This is the same apartment building that you see in season one, with the big steps in front of the building and then an even larger set of stairs inside. There is also a big set of stairs on the back end of the building that leads to an underground parking garage (we see this in the season one finale, where Steve gets snatched by Navegante). This building is a five minute walk to the U.S. Embassy, but Javi and Steve mostly chose to drive for safety and convenience. It’s in a pretty decent part of Bogotá. There is one small canon deviation in regards to the apartments: in Better Love, Javi lives upstairs, across from Steve’s front door instead of below him like we see in the show. They share a large front landing. I just really liked the idea of Javi having a view of the city from his bedroom window.

Ears’ apartment: Ears lives in a tiny little flat on top of a drug store, a place that she found on her own through the friend of a work friend. It’s also in a decent part of Bogotá, but not quite as safe or upscale as Javi’s. It’s about a ten minute hike from the embassy and fifteen minutes from Javi’s place.

Miscellaneous 

CIA/DEA Collaboration: The relationship between the CIA and the DEA in Colombia was not pretty. The show makes it look like a personal conflict between Strechner and Peña, but in reality, it was so much deeper than that. These two organizations have opposing goals, and communication and sharing of information was a real problem. Basically, they squabble more than they collaborate, and there was a lot of backstabbing, underhanded fuckery, and generally getting in each other's way. Naturally, this is going to create tension between Ears and Javi.

Bill Stechner: The show makes it clear that Bill doesn’t give a shit about Escobar or the cartels except in regards to the power dynamics they create, but let me reiterate here - his primary goal in Colombia is to keep it from becoming a communist state. That’s all he wants.

OC Sicarios: Don't get Velasco (canon sicario) mixed up with Verdugo (my OC sicario). They are different characters. Verdugo is the guy who features in The Rules of Engagement. 

Feo is another sicario who is an OC. More updates on him later.

Canon Deviations in Better Love

Series spoilers from this point on. I’m going to take it fic by fic, so if you haven’t read something and don’t want to be spoiled, stop at the bold print. Again, Better Love is super fucking plotty, so I thought it was only fair to give you guys a reference sheet. Lord knows I need one, too.

The Rules of Engagement: Introduces Ears. Horacio Carillo did die recently, but Javi’s role in his death is undetermined/not mentioned. Javi does start working with Los Pepes during Rules, but only after he and Ears have their fallout. All of the bullshit with Martinez Jr. and the Castaño brothers takes place during the time that Javi and Ears aren’t speaking.

Aftershocks: Establishes with certainty that Javi is working with the cartels. His primary contact with Los Pepes is Don Berna. This is going to be critical later. Also establishes that Don Berna has more connection to the Cali cartel than he does in canon. 

Yours: Establishes that Connie Murphy is a badass biker bitch with a heart of gold, because I think the show did her dirty. She loves Steve and Steve loves her. Ears and Stechner get to know each other a little better, and Javi doesn’t like this one bit. Ears starts thinking about a leak in Search Bloc, and how dangerous that might be for Javi.

Bang: Javier Peña gives Ears a shady ass, probably trafficked gun for her protection. We don’t know details of where he got it. Solidifies the bro/sis relationship between Steve and Ears. Implies heavily that Javi is doing some shady things with some shady folks. A light introduction to the theme of weapons trafficking in Colombia, which was a massive problem that is barely even mentioned in the show. It will feature heavily in Better Love.

The Shoebox: Introduces the character of Arturo, Ana Delgado’s shady older brother. Ears starts wondering if Ana knows more than she should. Confirms that the Fernando Duque arc does take place in Better Love, and that Javi is genuinely torn up by it like he is in canon. This leads Ears to start thinking more deeply about that leak in Search Bloc, and she begins to actively collect evidence with the intention of sniffing out the rat and keeping Javi safe. Mentions sex trafficking, a major problem in Colombia at the time, and also a minor theme later on in Better Love.

Shit Hits the Fan: Establishes that Arturo Delgado is actually a hitman working with Los Pepes, and that he and Javi have gone on some raids together. Javi is desperate to keep this a secret from Ears, who is friends with Ana, both for her protection and because he’s kind of ashamed of how deep he’s in with Los Pepes. Establishes that in the wake of the Ferando Duque debacle, the Castaño brothers did not reach out to Stechner for help, but instead decided to put a hit out on Javi to either kill or scare him off. Javi is no longer working with Los Pepes, but he never did find out that Stechner was the one who set him up in the first place.

The White Room: Bill Stechner reveals to Ears that her purpose in Colombia is to be his own personal spy on the DEA. He is investigating a mysterious sicario named Feo in relation to a massive russian weapons ring. Bill wants Ears to report everything that the DEA learns about Feo because he suspects that Feo might have connections with FARC, a communist guerrilla group that is Stechner’s public enemy number one. Ears realizes that she’s in deep shit, and also realizes the depth of the resentment between the DEA and the CIA, and how much their goals in Colombia actually oppose. Stechner is revealed to be a real bag of dicks here.

Closing notes

Whew, okay. I will update this post periodically if more information becomes necessary or if you guys have questions, and I’ll reblog it if I do. I’m going to go ahead and tag my taglist folks in this, just because it’s a huge information dump. Of course, you probably don't need to know these things to get the gist of what’s going on in Better Love, but if you’re a chronic overanalyzer like me, it might be helpful. 

Also, let me know if you guys want a list of the characters who are major players in the series. I know I had to make one for myself but I wasn’t sure if posting it would be overkill (this is probably already overkill, tbh).

Tags: @jedi-mando, @aerolanya, @pikemoreno, @bitchin-beskar, @mostly-megan, @huliabitch, @starsandmando, @starlight-starwrites​, @thirstworldproblemss, @knittingqueen13, @yespolkadotkitty

Javier Peña tags: @magpie-to-the-morning, @tiffdawg, @danniburgh, @1800-fight-me

Mad love to you guys if you’ve stuck around for this long.

[introvertguide]

Goodfellas (1990); AFI #92

The current film up for review is Scorsese’s famous crime drama, Goodfellas (1990). It is the story of Henry Hill and how he lived through the psychotic and neurotic life of a mafia member. The film was nominated for six academy awards including Best Picture and Best Director, but only took one trophy home for Best Supporting Actor (Joe Pesci). I watched the movie 3 times over the last 2 weeks and my opinion changed from one opinion to another as I watched each time and I want to discuss why. First of all, however, we need to do summarize the plot with a standard warning...

SPOILER ALERT!!!!! I HAVE ALREADY GIVEN AWAY THE PLOT IN PREVIOUS POSTS AND I AM ABOUT TO DO IT AGAIN EVEN MORE SO!!!! CHECK OUT THE MOVIE FOR YOURSELF IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY!!!

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The movie begins with three men checking the trunk of their car and finding that the body in the trunk was actually alive. Tommy (Joe Pesci) stabs the man multiple times and then Jimmy (Robert DeNiro) shoots him multiple times. Henry (Ray Liotta) looks on and explains his life in voice over and how the men all got to this position. 

In 1955, a young man named Henry Hill becomes enamored with the criminal life and Mafia presence in his working class Italian-American neighborhood in Brooklyn. He gets a job working for local mob boss Paul "Paulie" Cicero (Paul Sorvino) and is introduced to the entire family. Most important were associates James "Jimmy" Conway, an Irish truck hijacker, and Tommy DeVito, a fellow juvenile delinquent. Henry begins as an errand boy for Jimmy, gradually working his way up to more serious crimes. The three associates spend most of their nights in the 1960s at the Copacabana nightclub where they can impress women. Henry starts dating Karen Friedman (Lorraine Bracco), a Jewish woman who is friends with Tommy’s current date. She is initially troubled by Henry's criminal activities but is eventually seduced by his glamorous lifestyle. She marries him, despite her parents' disapproval.

We follow Henry and his rise in the mafia along with Jimmy and his growing paranoia and Tommy with his constant chip on the shoulder. In 1970, Billy Batts, a made man in the Gambino crew who was recently released from prison, repeatedly insults Tommy at a nightclub owned by Henry; Tommy and Jimmy then beat, stab and shoot him to death. The unsanctioned murder of a made man invites retribution; realizing this, Jimmy, Henry, and Tommy cover up the murder by burying the body in Upstate New York. Six months later, however, Jimmy learns that the burial site is slated for development, prompting them to exhume and relocate the decomposing corpse. At this time, Jimmy begins watching his back, Tommy feels invincible, and Henry takes on girlfriend while Karen stays at home with the kids.

Fast forward to 1974, Karen finds out about the infidelity and harasses Henry's mistress Janice and holds Henry at gunpoint. Henry moves in with Janice, but Paulie insists that he should return to Karen after collecting a debt from a gambler in Tampa with Jimmy. The mafia is all about family and there is no divorce and appearances must be kept. Things don’t go as planned because, upon returning, Jimmy and Henry are arrested after being turned in by the gambler's sister, an FBI typist, and they receive ten-year prison sentences. In order to support his family on the outside, Henry has drugs smuggled in by Karen and sells them to a fellow inmate from Pittsburgh. In 1978, Henry is paroled and expands this cocaine business against Paulie's orders, soon involving Jimmy and Tommy.

In 1979, Jimmy organizes a crew to raid the Lufthansa vault at the JFK Airport, stealing several millions in cash and jewelry. After some members purchase expensive items against Jimmy's orders and the getaway truck is found by police, he has most of the crew murdered. This part of the film is based on a true story Jimmy, in fact killed almost a dozen people in attempt to keep things silent. In his voiceover narration, as dead bodies are being discovered all over the city, Henry theorizes that Jimmy would have killed them anyway rather than share the profits of the heist. Tommy and Henry are spared by Jimmy since they had worked so close together. Also, Henry wasn’t actually involved in robbery and Tommy is going to be a made man and Jimmy wants the connection. Tommy is eventually deceived into believing he is going to be made, but he is murdered on the way to the ceremony, leaving Jimmy devastated.

By 1980, Henry has become a nervous wreck from cocaine use and insomnia. He notices that a helicopter is following him but is trying to visit with his family and deliver drugs at the same time. He sets up a drug deal with his Pittsburgh associates, but is arrested by narcotics agents and jailed. After bailing him out, Karen explains that she flushed $60,000 worth of cocaine down the toilet to prevent FBI agents from finding it during their raid, leaving them virtually penniless. Henry has nowhere to go so he returns to Paulie to ask for help and admits to dealing under the table. Feeling betrayed by Henry's drug dealing, Paulie gives him $3,200 and ends their association. Henry meets Jimmy at a diner and is asked to travel on a hit assignment, but the novelty of such a request makes him suspicious. Henry realizes that Jimmy plans to have him and Karen killed, prompting his decision to become an informant and enroll, with his family, in the witness protection program. He gives sufficient testimony to have Paulie and Jimmy arrested and convicted. Henry is grateful to be alive, but he is forced out of his gangster life and has to readjust to normal life once again; he narrates, "I'm an average nobody. I get to live the rest of my life like a schnook."

The end title cards state that Henry is still a protected witness as of 1990, but that he was arrested in 1987 in Seattle for narcotics conspiracy, receiving five years' probation. He has been clean since then. He and Karen separated in 1989 after 25 years of marriage, while Paulie died the previous year in Fort Worth Federal Prison at age 73 from respiratory illness. Jimmy is serving a 20 years to life sentence in a New York prison for murder, in which he will be paroled in 2004, when he will be 78 years old.

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Even more of an update from the end title cards, Henry Hill and Karen Hill divorced in 2001 and then Henry remarried and fathered one more child. Karen and her kids have lived in hiding and fear they will never escape possible retribution. Jimmy died in prison in 1996 before he was eligible for parole and Henry died in 2012 of cancer. With their history of explosive violence, I am kind of glad that all three of the main men (Tommy, Henry, and Jimmy) have shuffled off this mortal coil.

So I ended up watching this film three times in the last couple of weeks and I liked it less and less each time. So many people have such good things to say about the movies (including me), yet what the movie is most celebrated for is what I like the least. The first time I watched was with my housemates and they talked throughout the movie and laughed at the antics of Joe Pesci. I feel that many viewers enjoyed that crazy performance, and this was probably the reason for the Best Supporting Actor award. I am sure that capturing the volatile nature of a lunatic mafia hitman is very difficult and deserves praise.

I then watched it twice more to take notes on the different camera shots and then to compare to the real story of the Lucchese family and Lufthansa heist. I was not disappointed with the camera shots since Scorsese tends to let his actors go wild and then move the camera in interesting ways to capture the action while telling the story he wants to tell. He uses extreme close up shots and the vertigo trucking shot to represent the paranoia of Henry Hill and Jimmy Burke. He used the tracking shot to bring the audience into the world of the mafia man using the the character of Karen Hill as the “fish-out-of-water.” The choice of music was great including using the Sid Vicious rendition of the classic “My Way” popularized by Frank Sinatra. The colors were so bright in the beginning and became so bleak and washed out by the end. Fantastic cinematography and direction. 

By the last watch, I realized that I did not like Tommy DeVito (real life name Tommy DeSimone) because he made everybody around him scared. It was like having a pet feral tiger and just hoping that he never turned on you. He was not loyal at all. In actuality, he tried to rape Karen Hill while she was married to Henry. He really killed a young bartender named Spider because Jimmy was teasing him. He brutally attacked and murdered out of anger because he was completely unhinged. Just watching Joe Pesci play the part made me anxious and I wanted him to go away every time he appeared on screen. I guess this makes him a great actor, but it also doesn’t make me want to watch his movies. 

I brought this up with the Godfather movies on the list, but do Brooklyn based Italian-Americans act like these people in the movies? Constant noise in which men treat women terribly and the women go off to the kitchen and make food? I can except the loud large families and the giant shared meals, but I sure hope that the poor treatment of women and the huge lack of equality between the genders is fake or at least outdated. I have met some really nice Italian people who are nothing like the people in these films, so I believe it is a stereotype (if this is true, then Hollywood needs to stop promoting these stereotypes).

A final positive note towards the acting, I thought that Lorraine Bracco did a wonderful job as Karen Hill. She played a sheltered girl that wanted a little danger and got way more than she ever wanted. There is a scene in which she realizes that her husband is cheating and that she and her children are miserable and unprotected. She wakes up Henry with a gun in his face, but she can’t kill him because she wants that drama in her life. She is treated horribly and at one point barely walks away from a hit set up by Jimmy, yet she still stays with Henry until she is forced into the boring life of Witness Protection and she leaves him. After wading through the history of all the different characters from the movie, I actually find her story to be the most interesting.

In the end, I still want an answer for the same two questions. Does this film belong on the AFI top 100? Absolutely. It is a well made movie with a strong vision about one version of growing up in Brooklyn and how searching to realize the American dream can lead you down dark and dirty paths. Great vision by Scorsese and a well told story. Do I recommend it? Not really. I recommend doing the research on these American mobsters and get a feel for what these people were really like. I recommend checking out clips on YouTube that show the filming techniques that have become hallmarks of great directors. But don’t watch these portrayals and laugh. They are not fun or funny like they come off in the movie, these are horrible (yet interesting) people that should serve as a lesson/warning and not have their lives glamourized by Hollywood. 

[the-littlest-goblin]

Everyone pretend I posted this on Monday for @shadowgast-week​ day 3: ritual

Also, I’m sorry.

_______________________________________________________________________

Everything about this is wrong.

It’s wrong that they’re doing it here, in the desolate ruins of Molaesmyr, further scorched and destroyed by the battle that took place. 

Essek’s presence is wrong, a lingering shadow at the edge of the Mighty Nein’s united fellowship. What insufficient aid he was able to contribute to the fight, he is even more useless now.

And, of course, the most egregious inaccuracy that the universe has allowed to take place: the limp body lying in the thin dusting of snow, red hair and purple coat as bright as gemstones against the gray-white ground.

Someone has closed his eyes, Essek can see now, even from here. But he still knows what it looked like to see the life leave those eyes, the utter wrongness of dull vacuity where there should be a sharp spark of intelligence. 

He will never be able to forget it.

The weak sunlight glints against the diamond that Jester produces from her haversack, almost the size of her fist. She exchanges a whisper with Caduceus, holding the gem out between them, uncertain. He inclines his head, touches her shoulder with a gust of warm, divine magic. Jester heaves a deep, steadying breath, and kneels next to the body.

“What the fuck are you doing.” The wet, raw voice is not asking a question. Essek didn’t notice Beauregard approach him, too focused on the scene unfolding a few yards away. A fist wraps around his forearm hard enough to bruise. He doesn’t resist as she drags him into the circle they have formed, but a distant part of him is idly curious that she does not understand what he knows so intrinsically: he should not be a part of this. This is a sacred, delicate ritual, and he is a blight on all that is holy and pure.

Still, once there, he can’t find it in him to argue the point, and none of the others protest as he stands among them.

He waits for someone to point out the obvious, because this is his fault, beginning to end. His actions led directly to this. Essek’s treason allowed Ikithon the dunamantic power that he’d wielded to such devastating effect before they could subdue him, and it was Essek’s spell that failed to bring down the mage before he landed the killing blow.

But no one speaks. No one even acknowledges Essek beyond a gentle pat on his shoulder from Caduceus.

Jester raises her hands, about to begin the ritual.

“Wait,” a voice cries. It is his. The others all look at him in shock.

He shuffles over to Jester, reaching into his components pouch for the pearl. Understanding dawns on her face as he holds it up to her forehead and murmurs the incantation. 

She smiles at him weakly in gratitude, tears brimming in her eyes and falling over the well-worn tracks down her face.

Essek has never witnessed a resurrection ritual before. Apparently, this is a first for the group as a whole. While Jester continues the somatic motions, muttering a prayer under her breath, Caduceus explains,

“We can help her. The ritual requires three offerings - words, objects, whatever you can give to the soul to help it return.”

Veth steps forward immediately. She barely needs to lean her halfling body down to press a kiss to Caleb’s pale forehead. She slips the button necklace from over her head and clasps it around Caleb’s neck, then begins to speak. 

Essek barely processes her words. He hears them, listens to them, feels them, but if asked to recall her speech later, he would be unable to quote a single phrase. The same for when Beau steps up, the unrestrained anger in her tone at odds with the tenderness of her words.

She finishes with a watery sniff and a swipe at her bloodshot eyes. The others begin to look across the group, exchanging silent questions of who will go next, who has something to coax Caleb’s soul back to them.

It takes Essek several seconds of dumb blinking to realize that all eyes have turned to him.

He doesn’t move. 

It’s difficult to keep secrets when traveling with a party like this, as Essek quickly discovered. He knows that they all know, to varying degrees, about the unnamed, unspoken thing that has built between him and Caleb over the months. But it still feels wrong, because they are the Mighty Nein, and he will always be an outsider, and Caleb is first and foremost one of them before he is Essek’s... whatever he is.

Jester pauses her spell to smile up at him. “I think he would like it, if it was you,” she whispers.

Essek has never been able to turn Jester down. Even back when he was ingratiating himself with them only for self-preservation, she had opened her arms and gazed at him with doe-eyed expectance, and the notoriously cold and calculating Shadowhand of the Bright Queen had leaned in and let himself be hugged for the first time in decades.

Gazing back at Jester’s encouraging expression, he becomes aware of an idea in the back of his mind, percolating silently through the whole ritual without his conscious acknowledgement. 

He steps forward. Dropping to his knees next to Jester, he opens his component pouch once again and summons his spellbook from its pocket dimension. 

Tether Essence ends when one of the targets fall unconscious. He has never tried casting it on a dead person. Probably no one has, because it is clearly pointless. 

Veth and Beau both said something as part of their offering, so Essek speaks as well, as he gathers the elements of the spell together.

“When I met you, Caleb Widogast,” it feels strange, addressing the lifeless corpse, but he forces himself through the awkwardness, “I thought that I had at last found an equal. Over our early conversations, I saw how smart you were, how capable, how adept with magic. After years of always being the smartest person in any room - as I thought, in my arrogance, that I was - I had finally met someone I could engage with on my level.”

Heat rises in his cheeks, aware of the Mighty Nein all listening raptly.

“Eventually I realized how wrong I was, because we are not equals; you are so far beyond me in every way. Smarter, wiser, kinder. You proved to me by example that intelligence does not have to mean detachment, that one can pursue the kind of knowledge that we do without cutting themselves off from the world. From friends.”

And here, he risks a glance around. Jester smiles at him encouragingly.

“My soul was damned long before you found me, and I thought that that was the end of the story. But you knew better. You took it upon yourself to guide me beyond my own myopic world and showed me that there was still more I could do. That I could balance the scales, if I wanted. And you were willing to show me how, when there was nothing in me that should have merited a second chance.

“I am still a mere student in the study of atonement. I am not ready to lose my teacher. Please. I can’t do it without you.”

He releases the spell at last. He submits to it willingly, feels it latch onto himself. He altered the mechanics slightly - experimental, probably not advisable outside of laboratory conditions, but needs must - so that it spreads not just to his physical body, but deep into the core of his soul.

He feels it fizzle and snuff out on the other end, Caleb’s body no longer capable of receiving that kind of magic. He sighs, dropping his hands in defeat. He knew it would happen, but that doesn’t stop him from being disappointed.

Except...

The spell is still up. It’s not supposed to work unless it holds on both targets. Essek can still feel the magic humming through him, which means that somewhere beyond this plane of existence, his spell has reached Caleb’s departed spirit, linking them across life and death.

He leans back, but stays kneeling, scared of somehow breaking the tenuous connection.

Jester’s voice grows louder as she reaches the culmination of the ritual, beseeching her god with a conviction in her voice that penetrates the very atoms of their surroundings.

They all wait with bated breath, trembling in fear and suspense. Jester brings the diamond down on the center of Caleb’s chest, and it shatters into a millions tiny motes of dust, glittering and joining the snow.

Essek has never witnessed a resurrection ritual before. He doesn’t know how to read this, if the component shattering means success or...

Caleb’s eyelids flutter. Once. Twice. They open slowly, drearily, like he is merely waking up from a deep sleep.

The spark of life in them is blinding. Essek would gladly stare at those sky-blue stars for the rest of his days.

[dont-call-me-halbae]

OK. I took all courage I have to write theory – or more like my story based on MV we have from ONF.

It will be looong journey.

Let’s start!

ON/OFF

All right. We know we have some post-apocalyptic world, reference to space journeys, spaceship interior and seven androids with barcodes on their necks. They live in desolate world but happily, playing and everything.

Hyojin has red hair – it’s Red Hyojin (ok, here starts my devil-red-hyojin theory :D)

It is hard to say if they are on Earth because of the environment and trees but on other hand it could be big spaceship with all facilities like cinema for people (e. g. Star Trek Yorktown) but all the people are gone, maybe they didn’t survive the environment, recycling devices could be broken, oxygen could be gone etc. And what could also happen is that the battery of tracking system could be gone and the airship with androids is long lost somewhere in the space. They want to get on Earth but can’t. And who knows what state Earth is, we have reference here on the meteorite.

But Laun somehow gets the lithium battery, activates the device and 1) they are found by survivors of Earth of their present time (post-apocalypse). 2) got enough energy to come back in time by themselves 3) combination – somehow contacted some people of the past to help them with energy supply and they got into past time (before apocalypse).

Maybe Laun inserted not only the battery but also his android energy, so he is down lying after that?).

Complete

This is quite nice. Androids are enjoying their life on Earth but the apocalypse is coming closer. The meteorites start to fall down. They are forced to leave Earth back to their starship.

We must love

Once you taste something, you can’t get over it. Laun is caught up in memories and feelings from Earth (watching whale in the screen, wanting to live somewhere where everything is real, not in the space). So he transports himself back in time before the whole apocalypse happens.

On one hand I want to believe that he lost his memories (Lyrics: “Did we lose our memories? In our past or in our future or maybe a different world?”) as he painfully holds his head but somehow some pieces came back to him (causing crying?).

Our six boys of course went to look for him. That means that they have to search the universe and timeline, in their physical form or as an anagram (Wyatt). MK is always good with computers, Yuto is carefully watching the time for their return so they will not cause any time-damages. But something still happened. 1) time damage (J-us with the hands up – idk what guard or who forced him but still, the screen does not lie) 2) I think that they located the wrong Laun in the Universe 01. The non-android Laun (he doesn’t have the barcode on the neck when he was reading the book on the station) and E-tion understands it. So they got into wrong universe.

I chose for the screenshots another moments: Wyatt riding bike (he always goes on bike or car, I think that they have limited time-watches so he must use time-driving-mashine). Then we have the motive of train for the first time? Train will be repeatedly used.

And the final scene, Hyojin and Laun’s argument. It doesn’t fit that they found him and then let him go. I think it maybe happened even before the meteorite shower, somewhere between Complete and We must love. I’m just making this up, don’t take me seriously :D But they knew what’s gonna happen with the meteorites so he wanted to turn back time and save the world or maybe live comfortable life but Hyojin didn’t want to damage the timeline.

What is sure: Real Laun is lost; human Laun is reading his books. Bye.

Why

Now it’s gonna be a bit messy (I feel like I captured every scene of the MV and it’s still not enough).

Our androids are now in universe 01. And skunk Hyojin made his appearance.

Apocalypse is coming. Our boys, at first together, now divided. It is mostly psychological reason. Red Hyojin as the leader of androids failed, because of departure of Laun and everything in We must love. He wants to do everything now to save the world and get things back to its order, but it is too late. We see how Wyatt runs with others and then he is alone, he is disappointed in humanity and everyone. The same as E-tion, as we see his last moments with Yuto and then Yuto goes his own way and E-tion is all alone.

With their messing up with time, the technology of the world has greatly advanced (and who knows how many years has passed). I feel like they found a way how to save (or destroy) the world and it is connected to the big cube (Pandora’s box). It is super-duper technology.

Yuto is focused on finding the activating key of the box and using illegal means. MK is looking for it virtually. Wyatt does not believe the world and society could be saved so even when he obtained the key somehow, he throws it away. He feels like the life and androids have no future. E-Tion applied for a detective position and his mission is to get Yuto but he accidentally founds the cube (because Yuto is searching for it too). They are like cat and mouse. Red Hyojin is looking for a way how to get his team back, but someone is in his shadow…

And we have here my skunk Hyojin (don’t get me wrong, I LOVE his red colour but… you will get it later). This Hyojin is not from the same universe. He came from different time and space (BB universe)

Ok, I don’t know how Wyatt got imprisoned in the glass foggy thing, maybe Yuto did it to obtain the info about the key he lost or it was skunk Hyojin? J-Us? Or it is not prison but some androids recovering device – IDK. Skunk Hyojin make his appearance and J-Us got there too. He tell J-Us about where he came from and what is needed to be done to put everything normal again. He does not believe it, confronting skunk Hyojin, aiming on him his gun. But Hyojin has it’s back-up – mask people (remember, mask people!) and he escapes.

Now, MK somehow manage to control the cube. I don’t know what his motive is, but it seems like he wanted to destruct to world the whole time. Like, in We must love – it is starting with MK and meteorites. The first meteorite in Complete showed up with MK in the frame. Or it is just a coincidence and they got to control the cube which resonates with all androids of ONF but it is too late and the meteorites couldn’t be stopped and the world is destroyed.

Yuto is leaving somewhere, Wyatt is all healthy and shining in the nature, E-Tion is broken and leaves the planet.

In the end we see flashback of skunk Hyojin and his happy memory with J-Us. I think it is his flashback from BB universe where he came from. But skunk Hyojin couldn’t save this world and uses the power of the cube to come back to his right universe while he encounters his future him telling him so.

Specially captured: MK using the VR technology as used by Wyatt in BB, time-space door (as in New World, or Sukhumvit swimming time-road or BB time road), cube and skunk Hyojin – I think this is the cube from skunk Hyojin universe (BB) and he used it to get into Universe 01

Sukhumvit swimming

You can say it is not in the ONFverse but I think it matches everything quite well.

After many many years after the apocalypse, we see how individually ONF lives. Wyatt is making money by driving space-time tuk-tuk (remade from his super-duper time-bike). Yuto is living as a party drug man. E-tion left the planet and lives on the moon with his blue flower (ok, it is rose not orchid as in WHY MV) all alone. MK is still hacker, no change. J-Us took the advices from skunk-Hyojin seriously. As he guards the ruins of the city that was destroyed, he also guards the time and search for Red Hyojin in colab with masked men of skunk Hyojin (different mask, same group of followers).

Because Red Hyojin wants to manipulate time again and save everything. Skunk Hyojin told J-Us that only with his death everything can turn normal.

We see especially red cube as in WHY MV and also time clock, that will be shown in BB too. I think that how the camera captures the clock, from side to up – is seems like we go further in time. That’s why I think Sukhumvit timeline is far in the future. There are also barcoded corpses of other androids that did not survive the apocalypse, we see flashback of post-apocalyptic world, destroyed town but not the ruins yet… In BB, the clock will be captured from top to side, as we go back in time.

Ok. So what is happening? Masked people detected Hyojin (in train! And Yuto is also partying in the train with same masked people, maybe – they drugged him to discover Hyojin position, or – Yuto is already dead and the train has different purpose). The guard of ruins, time and skunk Hyojin follower goes to him to kill him. There is moment where it seems like Hyojin was first to kill J-Us. At that moment, around Wyatt falls meteorite; E-tion cries when looking at black Earth from far, in his eyes is yellow flash looking as another meteor falling. He is sad that it’s the end of everything.

But J-Us was faster and kills Hyojin. Yeah. It is hard, because Red Hyojin and J-Us were friends, they went through many hardships, but still. Only death of red hair can save the time.

After Hyojin’s death, J-Us cries. Around J-Us are bodies of ONF members, maybe it means sacrifices that were made and that it is all over. But then, the time starts to reverse, ruins are disappearing and J-Us looks up surprised to see that really it is happening.

Similarly, E-tion is surprised when colourful fireworks show up – it’s hope, it is the result of BB happening.

Twice in the MV we can see barcodes falling, that could mean the end of androids, life of sacrificed androids or ONF’s life through all dimension? IDK.

Beautiful beautiful

So. The first danger was rid of. Universe 01 J-Us killed Red Hyojin. Now, in the BB universe, the team of androids can save the time, the world and everything.

According to what the big screen tells us: “…machines and become the humanoid. Time warp is possible but the timeline has messed by past time travels and classified as…”

What that mean? Seems like the humanoids are not common in the BB universe. So maybe 1) after Hyojin’s death the time reversed to this point 2) in the specific moment the dimensions split into two. I would say that it could happen right after ON/OFF or Complete; in one timeline – the team searches and Red Hyojin leads the team to failure; in the second timeline the team didn’t search for Laun but found different way how to live or maybe their dimension was already affected by the first dimension 01 disturbances.

But let’s continue.

We have train, light and bright, the celebration that it was this place where everything was saved; we have the team living comfortably. But they still have warrant on them and they help each other to escape the prison and fixing the time as it should be. Wyatt and his VR time-space riding car that helped skunk Hyojin, MK hacking so the police won’t be able to track them and the screen won’t show them, J-Us escaping with the help of Hyojin from prison and jumping on their ship. E-tion using his time-watches to fix small occurances. Hyojin and E-tion drink while the cube is activated. We see the names of previous three songs.

And in the end, they together control the cube and protect in time the Earth from meteorites that would turn into rainbow puff (the same as E-tion saw in Sukhumvit).

The world is saved!!!! THEY DONE IT!!!

(the world should be more grateful to them, hehe)

Ok, I’m sorry that in order to my theory work I have to make red Hyojin the villain even though he was not the villain but his potential actions and existence was dangerous…

Or we can forget Sukhumvit and just say Hyojin dyed his hair and in the end they somehow worked the things together in the team, because in the moment of apocalypse they all turned time back from Why to BB. It is more compatible with New World, where everyone find his key and uses Pandora box to travel into different dimension. But why the hell would Wyatt throw his key then in Why? :DD Why? 

 I absolutely don’t think this could be right theory, even from 10%, and I never wrote theories on anything, but still I was quite into it when I wrote it!

And I can’t believe how this amount of nonsense came from me.

But whatever!

[feminist-propaganda]

Single Mothers Will Probably Cry During Every Episode Of Queen’s Gambit - Episode 3

In the first two episodes of Queen’s Gambit, Beth first learns to look for a field that she can become an expert in and later understands the powers of dissociation. What Beth doesn’t share with us in these episodes, probably because she isn’t connecting to that part of herself, is what her life was like before the car crash.

The only memory we know about, which precedes the orphanage era, is the traumatic memory of the car crash, and the couple of seconds leading up to it. Because we don’t see anything prior to the car crash; our opinion of Alice (Beth’s mother)  is based off of her actions that day. We know she voluntarily crashed the car (she admits this when she tells Beth to “Close her eyes”). We don’t really know what Beth’s opinion of her mother is. 

Lesson 3: Your Biggest Enemy Is Yourself

In Episode 3 however, we are invited into an earlier childhood memory of Beth. She sits with her mother, by the lake. She reaches out to touch her mother’s hand. Her mother carresses her cheek. Her mother gets up, takes off her clothes and jumps into the lake. Beth’s face looks worried as she watches her mother disapear into the water. Beth cries out for her. Her mother finally emerges on the deck, far way, and waves. Then, Alice swims back to the shore and hugs Beth. The young girl looks happy. This seems to be a strange memory. It starts with a peaceful moment by the lake, then her mother does something that scares Beth, then it ends well and we are relieved that Beth feels relieved.

The episode is called “Doubled Pawns”, which refers to a position in Chess when two pawns are placed behind one other on the same file (column). The position is a weakness because the pawns cannot defend each other, and therefore cannot attack.

The episode starts in Cincinatti where Beth and Alma arrive to play a tournament. They enter a nice hotel room, in a luxurious venue. The room has  twin beds. Alma sits on her bed and says in a contained voice “I asked for a pleasant room and I believe they gave me one”. Beth then jumps on her bed and giggles.

All through the episode we see references to a doubled self, an other that is in fact a version of us. 

Let’s analyse this scene. We see that Alma adopts this calm, collected voice when really there is a part of her that wants to jump on the bed. Beth is the opposite: she can’t wait to jump on the bed, but she needs some sort of permission, a green light from Alma before she can do it. They both feel pleased to be a in a pleasant room, but like the two sides of a same coin, they express it differently. And like two entangled photons, their projections are related. If one is contained, the other is extroverted.

This duality, appears many more times during the episode. 

Indeed, later in the hotel lobby of the Las Vegas venue, Beth encounters Townes, a chess player she met a the State championship in Lexington. They both seemed extremely pleased to meet again. Townes makes a comment about how Beth has grown up. He informs her he is covering the event for a newspaper. Then invites her to his hotel room to take pictures of her. Beth seems very comfortable with him. She sits next to the bed and looks at the Board. Townes takes pictures. Right when he is about to get close to her, maybe even intimate, a man barges into the hotel room.

This man has some tight swimming pants on, an open shirt, a shaved chest. We understand, that this man is Townes’s lover. That they share this hotel room. That they came together to this place. The mood is a bit ruined. Beth is upset, she has feeling for Townes and he isn’t available.

This man is Towne’s “evil twin”, an other him, a “doubled pawn”. Which he forgets to watch out for, and which has become a weakness for him, rather than a position of strength. Townes doesn’t openly propose a three way to Beth, or a menage a trois. That would’ve been an aggressive, probably succesful approach. Instead he invites her in, and does not mention his other lover. The other lover appears at the worst moment and weakens Townes’s position rather than strengthens it.

Finally, in this episode Beth meets her match, Benny. He is a charismatic Chess Player. What is special about him is the same thing that makes Beth special. He does not look like a typical Chess Player. By this I mean that he doesn’t look socially awkward, he isn’t introverted, he doesn’t wear glasses. He is the U.S. champion. She first meets him in Cincinatti where he tells her it isn’t interesting for him to play Opens, “It can only hurt him”. 

His character seems to reveal to Beth that there is another world beyond these American tournaments. He is an international player, he gets invited to Europe. But also, he is her match in other ways. He is passionate about Chess, yes. But he talks about it in a fascinating manner. His style is very unique. He wears all black leather outfits and a black cowboy hat. He carries a knife strapped around his leg. He stands out, just like Beth stands out in the Chess World.

Beth has to play Benny to win the US Championship in Las Vegas. She loses.

After the match, we listen to Beth tell her version to Alma. Even though Alma understands practically nothing of the game, she listens attentively and asks questions. She is there for Beth. And at the end of the episode, Beth takes her hand in the car.

Beth tells Alma that what Benny did was “Something she did to others”. What she means by this is that he played her, made her believe that her strategy was working, that he wasn’t seeing her coming, when in fact he had it all mapped out. And he brutally defeated her.

When you are a single mother, you are terrified of dying. Not so much because you’re living an extremely fulfilling life that you don’t want to let go of. Not because you are afraid of the abyss. You are afraid of dying because you are afraid of what will happen to your children if you die.

To manage this risk, single mothers could meet with lawyers and make plans for what would happen to them if they were to die. But we know that single mothers are often times isolated and cast away by their families. So maybe imagining a plan is alreayd a problem for them.

Because single motherhood is felt to be a negative situation, most single mothers isolate themselves. They are riddled with shame and prefer to keep to themselves to not look at the disapointment or pity in the eyes of their friends and families.

They also might have conflicts with their families or their children’s father’s families which may prevent establishing a plan in the event of their death.

Finally, single mothers are most often times over worked. They often work full time to support their families, and when they are not working out of the house, they are doing housework in the home which we all know is an unending, tedious, monotonous, repetitive, mind numbing task.

This leaves little space for planning and strategizing. And in the event of an accident, some of these mothers might not have had time to make a plan.

If they did some research, like I just did, they might see that they really ought to make a solid plan for the aftermath of their deaths.

Indeed, a Swedish study from 2000 found that:

"We saw that [single] mothers demonstrated a nearly 70% higher risk of premature death than coupled mothers," study author Måns Rosén, PhD, tells WebMD.

The article continues:

“According to the findings, which were published in the journal TheLancet, the single mothers had twice the risk of suicide of mothers with partners, three times the risk of violent death, and two-and-one-half times the risk of alcohol-related death.”

The anxiety that Beth felt at the lake is what all children of single mothers feel when they watch their mothers engage in risky behavior. In Beth’s young mind, swimming in the lake is risky behavior, perhaps because she does not know how to swim. Maybe this particular lake is dangerous, I am not sure. But the emotion she feels is real regardless.

She knows that she is just a child, that she cannot swim. What will she do if her mother drowns? Watch her? Who will she call for help? There doesn’t seem to be anyone around them. 

The name of the episode is Doubled Pawns, and this matters to my argument. Indeed, the Doubled Pawn position as I mentionned above is a weakness because the pawns are unable to protect themselves.

They are the same piece on the chess board, and they can move in the same way. They have the same power to attack, to defend and the same weaknesses. To be efficient they need to be on different fields, which are the columns on the Chess Board.

The same goes for single mothers. They need to watch out for danger; but the nature of the danger is the same essence as what they’re trying to protect themselves from. In other words, their biggest enemy is themselves.

Kanye West, who has probably been the most influential rapper and producer of the 2010s, was raised by a single mother, a woman named Donda, mostly in the suburbs of Chicago. It is no secret that Donda’s death in 2007 profoundly changed Kanye as well as his music. He wrote the album 808s and Heartbreak in the aftermath of her death. Donda died because of a plastic surgery procedure that didn’t go well. 

Adams gave Donda West liposuction, a tummy tuck and a breast reduction in November 2007, but she died the following day, after reporting pain and tightness in her chest. A coroner found “no evidence of a surgical or anaesthetic misadventure,” and said “the final manner of death could not be determined. Multiple post-operative factors could have played a role in the death. The exact contribution of each factor could not be determined.”

Donda’s law, which was passed in 2009, “targets the aggressive marketing of services that make the risks “seem almost nonexistent,””.

On the track “Amazing” from 808s & Heartbreak, Kanye sings “I’m the only thing I’m afraid of”, which seems to summarize the learnings of Episode 3.

The article above explains to us that the biggest threat to single mothers is suicide, violent death and alcohol related deaths.

As Alice swims in the lake, she is indeed adopting reckless behavior. She forgets she is a single mother, and there is no one around to help her if she drowns. Yes, she comes out alive, and hugs Beth. But in case of an accident; she could’ve died.

Benny is Beth’s doubled pawn, her evil twin, so to speak. He beats her at her own game. And in this Episode, Beth learns from her mother that she needs to watch out for herself, from herself.

[baddyzarc]

2/7 Ruins: Legend of the Gladiator

1 x 3 4a 4b 5 6 7  

The next Barian ruins I wanna discuss is that of Alito. I was supposed to group Gilag and Alito since my contract says I’m legally not allowed to separate these two. But I went absolutely ham on Alito’s ruins so, uhhh, im splitting them up.

Alito is a fascinating, fantastic character. Not only is he outwardly bisexual and genuinely a non-evil character, he’s one of the most interesting due to how the writers use him to progress the narrative of the Barian Emperors. This could be attributed to his close relationship with Yuma, and thus he’s allowed ample screen time to play his role in the story.

Alito’s ruins are located under an artificial lake in the fictional city of Spartan City located somewhere in Italy. The ruins are revealed when Alito blows up the dam and drains the water away. Judging by the presence of a colosseum and the fact that Alito was a gladiator in his past life, I’m sure this is supposed to be based on Rome’s Colosseum. Not a big shocker, but this sets up the basis for the discussion. 

The Guardian for this Mythyrian Number found in the ruins (Number 54: Rebellious Fighter - Lion Heart) is a gladiator. This Guardian is the hardest one to decipher out of all of the Guardians. You have Mach, Ponta, Abyss, Minotaurus, Jinlon, and then a random gladiator. Each of the Guardians I listed have something to say about the Emperor it corresponds to, and I believe that the gladiator also falls into this category because of this line.

The gladiator recognizes Alito. This confused line is also spoken by Jinlon when he first encounters Mizael, so it can be said that some of the Guardians may not immediately recognize their Emperor, but they do feel their “aura”. 

Like Jinlon, the gladiator takes a moment before realizing its attacker is Alito. After that, Alito breaks through its power and gains him to get control of the Mythyrian Number. 

The most common theory, and the one I personally believe, is that the gladiator is the prince of the legend. 

My evidence is slim, but I think his likeness to the Mythyrian Number "Number 54: Rebellious Fighter - Lion Heart", his usage of a sword during his fight with Alito, and strong familiarity with Alito (”we’re like brothers!”) provides enough evidence. Not the best or decisive, but from what we have, I like this one the most.

Not only that, and I may be reading into this scene a little too deeply, but it looks as though the gladiator recognizes that this angry blob of hate is Alito, and under some choice of its own, it  allows itself to be taken by a Barian. Rather, the Mythyrian Number yields to a Barian. (For reference, only Nasch and Gilag came into direct contact with their Numbers; each has their own situation with Nasch’s being more complex and Gilag’s being similar to Alito). But why would something like a Mythyrian Number give itself to a Barian? I’ll get into that when I talk about the Ruins Duel later on.  

Back onto the ruins itself, when I first started this, I was truly struggling to see how the past and present are the same place. 

Obviously they have to be the same place because that’s how the plot works, but looking at the placement of the mountains, this image of the ruins in modern Spartan City does not match the geography of the past (unless there’s a glacial retreat or something, mountains do not wear away that quickly). I assumed that the animators didn’t consider this until I found a single second that shows that these locations are the same place. The image of Yuma is a poor angle of the ruins. 

And luckily for this shot, it gives me not only a confirmation that the geography is consistent, it also allows me to use this as an accurate frame of reference for the layout of the city.

Hold onto this information for a minute, because it is absolutely tasty.

Now that I confirm that everything is consistent, I can move onto Alito’s legend. His legend is straightforward if you discount the false memories embedded in him. Alito was a popular gladiator who was also friends with the prince. They frequently fought head-to-head and were on equal footing with each other. According to the legend, Alito and the prince were going to have a final showdown to see who comes out on top. However, the prince’s advisors were afraid that the prince would lose and damage the reputation of the country. The advisors framed Alito for murder, and despite the prince’s plead that Alito was innocent, he was executed under charges of murder. But according to Alito’s memories (or the ones altered by Don Thousand), the prince declared him guilty and was the one to call his death. Alito, being a hero adorned by many, was betrayed by his best friend and scorned by the people of the city, and this was what pushed him to Barian World. 

(Side track: But this is one of my favorite scene of his legend. The casket-shaped shadow, the crystalline, Barian-like shape, is a prelude to his fate after being framed for murder through the works of Don Thousand. At this point, no matter what happens, only death waits for him. The bright crimson coloration not only alludes to his bloody demise but also his descension into Barian World.) 

Now, the past lives of the Barians are often mucky because it’s hard to distinguish the truth from the lie, especially since Don Thousand altered the lives of the Emperors in many different ways (memory change, influencing outsiders, personality alterations, ect. It gets disgustingly messy). But in the case of Alito, it appears to be influencing the advisors to frame Alito, and then a memory alteration to where Alito believes that the prince was against him rather than for him. Because of this, I assume the legend recounted by Gauche (aka the advisors framed Alito + the prince was for Alito’s innocence) is the truth. I believe that if Alito knew the prince thought highly of him and trusted him during the entire trial, this would’ve been enough to allow his soul to pass onto Astral World regardless of the truth.

Therefore, Alito’s resentment exists as a product of Don Thousand going into his mind and changing his perception of reality. 

And this statement is what ties his character together during this arc. 

Now, if you know anything about this blog, you oughta know that I do not believe the Barian Emperors are evil. Except Vector. Vector is evil. He is evil because he feels like it and that’s it; it makes him happy hes a freak. The rest of them act like that because they are living-beings and have some self preservation. If they do not retaliate, Astral World will literally erase them from history. Each of the Barians (vector DNI) exemplifies this concept throughout the show. They are not antagonizing Yuma because he’s the hero. They are antagonizing him because he sides with Astral, and thus he supports the side that wants them dead. (and ngl, aside from Vector, they are incredibly inept at being evil villains, just look at their accomplishments if you take Vector away, gilag ate a live racoon whoop-de-doo these guys are going extinct)  

But this isn’t what this essay is about. This is about the legend and ruins of Alito, who is the most prominent in his lack of evilness. At the beginning of Zexal Second, Durbe ordered Gilag, Alito, and Mizael to defeat Yuma and Astral. From here, these characters acted first on orders, and then on self-motivation (or not at all). Mizael followed this order before getting side-tracked with surpassing Kaito. Gilag followed this order before kinda just joining a bunch of random clubs at school and watching *looks at script* Love Live. 

Alito did not followed that order and was immediately infatuated with Kotori. And by chance BY CHANCE did he run into Yuma, before being infatuated with him too. Alito has zero drive to be evil or follow any orders. He doesn’t hate humans nor does he act on anything malicious. Even with Yuma, his drive wasn’t to defeat Astral but to duke it out with Yuma with as much passion as possible. 

This is a stark contrast to what happens to him (and Gilag) when Vector injects their comatosed bodies with Don Thousand juice. This happens Twice. And each time, he loses his passion and becomes a genuinely evil person. He hypnotizes Gauche and makes him use the adverse effects of “Lion Heart”, he puts Kotori in danger, he wants to kill Yuma, he is filled with so much hate and rage that all the characters point out that “this isn’t the same person” they originally met. 

In essence, he became cruel by coming into recontact with Don Thousand. 

But we all know this. Don Thousand is evil while Alito is not.

So how does this prologue connect to the ruins and the Legend of the Gladiator? It has everything to do with Gauche.

Consider the geography of this again.

Even though it doesn’t appear like it, these images reveal some information about Alito and his proxy, Gauche. Compare the geography of the mountains and the placement of ruins, look at the current location of where Gauche and Droite live in the present and Alito’s home in the past. 

It’s the exact same place.

Neat, yes, but also consider that Alito was a hero to the children of his time and Gauche wants to be a hero to the children of his time. (“A Messenger From The Stars For The Kids”) Not only that, these two have an interesting relationship with Yuma. At first, Gauche dismissed Yuma before seeing that his unbreakable spirit makes him a worthy opponent. Same with Alito. They also get possessed by Barian powers in order to fight without their iconic fiery passion. These two characters are thoroughly similar if you can look past the surface level (also they were opponents during the Barian Onslaught arc if that counts for anything). 

From here, we can draw direct parallels between the fate of Gauche and Alito. 

On a historical note, I assume that Alito is not from Spartan City. Most gladiators in real life consisted of slaves, prisoners of war, or criminals, and if you consider the “Alito’s Theme” soundtrack and his “Farewell, My Friend” soundtrack (which I believe only plays after he frees Gilag from Don’s curse, but correct me if I’m wrong, also these are two of my favorite soundtracks), it sounds like it has vaguely Spanish origins to it. (again, correct me if im wrong, im not good at cultural interpretation of music)

The theory I accept is that Alito was a prisoner of war for some other country, say modern-day Spain. Gladiators in real life, if popular enough, can win back their freedom, and I assume Alito’s charisma, passion, and strength won him the favor of the public and the prince along with his freedom. He still fought, of course, but this may be due to his drive to keep fighting. 

Unlike Alito, Gauche is a native to Spartan City, but he started in the similar wrungs as Alito, although not like, slavery. He was an orphan living in the streets with Droite, and he also used his charisma, passion, and strength to rise as the Dueling Champion of Spartan City. 

Both of these characters are champions of their respective times, but Alito got decapitated while Gauche did not (so far). If Don did not interfere, Alito might’ve received a happy ending like Gauche.

This connection doesn’t go much further until we get into the Ruins Duel with Alito/Gauche vs. Yuma/Droite. And this duel is what I think storytelling through duels should be like.

Earlier, I talked about how the Guardian allows Alito to gain control of the Number. I do not think this is a fluke on the Numbers part. Mythyrian Numbers are the antithesis to Over-Hundred Numbers, and the only way to break the spell of Don Thousand is to use a Mythyrian Number. I believe that the Guardian saw that Alito was under Donny’s influence, and thus gave him the Mythyrian Number in hopes of snapping him out of it. 

This happens with Gilag too, where Ponta hands him the Mythyrian Number before swapping into his body (as well as Ryouga but this was before he was declared an Emperor, and i will get to this when i cover him). The only other Emperor who got close to his Mythyrian card but didn’t touch it was Vector, who made Black Mist deal with it; that said, I wonder what would’ve happened if Vector reconnected with his Mythyrian? 

Back to duel, will you believe me when I say that the actions of this duel tells the story of the Barian Emperors? Maybe, maybe not.

But I do not think it’s a coincidence that Alito is the only Barian that participates in the Mythyrian Numbers duels (mr. Ryouga and ms. Rio do not count for obvious reasons) nor is it that he fights under the full influence of Don Thousand. 

There is a lot that happens in the duel under the text, but the overall message of the duel is the rekindling of the original self. This is in opposition to Gauche and Alito, who lost their true spirits after being possessed. In contrast, Yuma and Droite duel with as much, if not more, passion than ever before. 

The duel, although not spectacular in terms on the plays made, has a lot of interesting imaginary that I appreciate so much. 

I think this scene is the most lovely of this entire duel: a fearsome lion and a tender butterfly facing off against one another. The butterfly is able to move the heart of the lion, and Gache returns to his original soul with Droite’s unyielding passion alone. He isn’t freed, but this action opens the door to his heart. 

Droite’s actions mimics the flow of Yuma returning Alito to his original soul. Instead of responding to his hate-filled dueling with a similar stance, Yuma duels with relentless passion, summoning out “Heroic Champion - Excalibur” and letting in face off against “Number 54: Rebellious Fighter - Lion Heart”. This is enough to save Alito from Don Thousand’s spell.

Furthermore, I feel as though this entire duel is closure for Alito’s past life whether he realizes it or not. As you know, Alito and the prince never had their final match due to Don Thousand’s interference. This duel concludes their fight and put the souls of both parties to rest (figuratively speaking). 

As the duel picks up, the stadium comes to life with the spirits of the spectators. They cheer for the duelists as the fight gets more and more intense. It’s as though the characters are thrown into the past.

The final move of the duel is what gives this “Legend of the Gladiator” the closure it deserves while presenting an amazing end to the narrative of Alito and Gauche. 

As Gauche and Yuma duke it out with “Lion Heart” and “Excalibur”, two monsters that are passionately battling one another, Alito interferes with “Cheat Commissioner”. This is no different than when the advisors cheated in order to murder Alito, thus preventing the final match from commencing. The strength of “Number 54: Rebellious Fighter - Lion Heart” and “Heroic Champion - Excalibur” was able to overcome “Cheat Commissioner” and as a result, Alito is instantly knocked out rather than Yuma or Gauche. 

Alito’s Mythyrian Number and Gauche’s former ace—their passionate souls working together to defeat a common foe, freeing their masters and returning them to their original self.

The presence of “Lion Heart” and the knockout of Alito’s “Cheat Commissioner” (or Don Thousand’s interference with Alito and the prince in the past) was enough for Alito to shake off Don Thousand’s control and revert back to his original personality. He’s confused and baffled as his memories as a human flood into him, but he quickly retreats back to Barian World. 

A similar outcome happened when Yuma faced off against the gladiator version of Michael, who is a character who shares many similar traits with Alito. I talked about this before and I rather post this here than rewrite a decent explanation of my thoughts. 

Yuma was able to free Michael of his hateful and rage-filled state like how he did it during this duel with Alito and their final encounter. 

But from the contents of this duel alone, it is revealed that Don Thousand has the ability to alter the Emperors’ minds; he can also influence even the kindest Barian to act cruel and sadistic. It demonstrates that enough passion and force from their Mythyrian Number is enough for them to shake off the control—if only a little bit—and return them to their true nature. It also cements that the true memories of the Barian Emperors are suppressed and hidden from them, and they are the heroes we suspect they are, but unknown (but probably Don Thousand-based) circumstances sent them to Barian World without their consent.

You can take all of this was a grain of salt or say im looking too deep into it but,

This is what I mean when I said “story-telling through duels” should be something like this. There shouldn’t be a character in the background recounting what’s happening below the subsurface. Seeing a battle between a lion and butterfly, or the knockout of “Cheat Commissioner” through Alito’s Mythyrian Monster and Gauche’s original ace monster, or the awakening of the spectators to cheer for Alito—this should be left for the audience to dissect. I’m not gonna say this is my favorite duel or the plays are amazing, but I truly appreciate the story it shows without the characters looking at the camera and expositioning what this means. 

This analysis is long enough as it is, but I want to end it by talking about “Number 54: Rebellious Fighter - Lion Heart” and and “Number 105: Burning Knuckler - Cestus the Meteor”. They’re both based on fighting, which fits Alito’s personality. These monsters (as well as Vector’s) are unique in that they are the only ones that swap attributes between the Mythyrian and Over-Hundred Numbers. “Lion Heart'' is an Earth Monster while Cestus is a Fire Monster. I’m actually quite stumped on this decision. Lion Heart looks like it should be a Fire Monster based on the colors of its design, the fiery background, and fiery spirit it uses to keep fighting even after death.

However, despite this, I think it’s a cool idea that the Over-Hundred is a Fire Monster. According to the legend, the gladiator is said to “still wander the ruins of the Colosseum” because he “... regrets… not being able to finish his fight with his rival”. 

To “seal the wandering spirit of the unappeased gladiator” the Colosseum was submerged underwater. 

Water suppresses the flames that Don Thousand forced into Alito, and as the water drains away, revealing the earth beneath it, after a thousand years, the lost gladiator wanders through the ancient ruins of the Colosseum once more. And through the cheers and hollers of the spirits that transcends time, the champion and lion partake in their final showdown. With the conclusion of the intense battle, the bantering of the spirits fade away in the glow of rising sun, and gladiator of the legend is liberated.

[riizev2]

The Living Timeline of Riize Wintersong

RPing is hard. Keeping track of nearly three years of continuity is harder. Here is my organized timeline of Riize’s life for those interested in RPing her now that I’ve returned. I recognize that this is based primarily on my own recollection of plot events, so I have chosen to tag in as many blogs as possible for those interested in hearing the other side of these stories.

However, times change. A lot has happened in two years and my recollection is far from perfect or impartial. In that vein, this is going to be considered a living document. It may change as new information is brought to my attention. Furthermore, some of the people mentioned here are not on good terms with each other (or with me lmao), so take some of this with a grain of salt. This might end up being more for me than for you.

That leads to what’s in brackets. Certain story beats that happened previous have been decided to be written out of continuity for a variety of reasons. Out of respect to the wishes of those involved, certain characters have been omitted even though they did have canon interactions with Riize previously. If I feel that the scene in question is still required to understand Riize’s current characterization, I will leave them in with brackets. The names and occupations of those involved will be changed for the sake of obscuring the identities of those involved and to open up future revisits to old topics now that I have more control over certain elements of Riize’s past. 

I’m organizing it by patch because using the IRL timeline might awaken Blizzard’s lore department. Bold information was originally supposed to be proper nouns and important events but it got a little bit away from me. Just fucking kidding I deleted one word and half the hyperlinks broke and all the bolding disappeared so nothing is bold now. Also Tumblr ate this post twice so I’m kind of trying to get it up before it happens a third time. If edits need to be made, I will write a reblog with the changes as they happen (unless it is basic grammar or more comprehensive formatting)

With that said, let us begin.

Backstory:

Riize Wintersong was born in Darkshore to a priestess and a druid. Her childhood was largely uneventful, training under her mother as a Priestess of Elune while spending her spare time exploring the coastline. As she grew older, she decided that her true love was the sea and became a sailor. Travelling around Western Kalimdor, she became a rotating member of various trade ships that provided food and supplies to other kaldorei settlements on the continent.

In the lead up to the Third War, Riize joined the Alliance Navy and sailed much of Azeroth. During this period she learned much about dwarven and gnomish engineering and worked to maintain the components of ships. While only obtaining the title of Seamen, these years kindled her love for tinkering.

Riize left the military after fulfilling her tour of duty in Northrend. Like many she did experience whispers of the the Old God Yogg-Saron, but did not yet begin her study of the Void until far later. During her time as a civilian she fished and sailed for recreation purposes. After the Cataclysm she returned to the sea as a hired hand on any vessel that would take her. This began her integration into less savory groups.

Riize’s status as a sailor-for-hire was the status quo leading into her playable first appearance in...

Patch 7.3

At this time, Riize is a member of the pirate gang the Dreadwing Vultures. Operating under the professional alias of ‘Nine,’ she sailed with the group for fun and profit. While occasionally brushing against the machinations of Unit Eight, her time with the group was generally enjoyable. Around this time is her first meetings with Corine Blythe, Saelkath Alzarah (@saelkath-alzarah) , and Kat Hawke (@kat-hawke).

[During this period Riize would begin dating one of her fellow Vultures. The two of them would spend long nights getting high and listening to vinyl records. While their life trajectories eventually moved in two different directions, she still values their time spent together greatly.]

Riize begins to make ties with the independent intelligence agency The Silent and a few of its high ranking members through their establishment at the Golden Keg. She begins to take up the place of one of their previous agents as an informant within the Dreadwing Vultures. This position does not last long, as the Vultures soon move to Ironforge and afterwards shutter completely.

Shortly after this event, Riize begins to study under Saelkath in the ways of the Void. Reaching into the darkness, Riize’s exploration is noticed by beings lurking in the Void and mentally affected irreparably. While initially curious, she finds herself drawn to understanding the Void and the denizens within with more fervor. She convinces Saelkath to reveal to her the rituals of the Cult of C’Thun and soon becomes a member herself.

[However, shortly after reemerging with her new focus on the Void, Riize is captured and held captive by a masked Light zealot in the Hinterlands. Detained and tortured for over two weeks, Riize was eventually able to escape into the woods. While too weak to fight, she swore revenge on the one who imprisoned her.]

Patch 7.3.5

While examining a job board in Stormwind Riize comes across a flier directing people towards Easterly. After communicating with The Silent, Riize chooses to enter the newly reforming House Draconis on an information-gathering mission. She meets the House’s heir, Strixena Draconis, and begins to establish a friendship with her. She completes her induction after kidnapping a priest of the Light out of Stormwind on Strixena’s behalf. She is initiated into the House shortly after. While initially believing she escaped Stormwind without notice, Riize ends up crossing the Warden Elyza Morrowbranch (@morrowbranch) who was more than capable of overpowering the newly minted Lady’s Hand. Beating aside, Riize chooses House Draconis over her previous bonds and affirms her loyalty to Strixena.

Riize’s involvement with House Draconis does not go unnoticed by those who knew her and soon she finds herself interrogated by Director Hawke. Remaining affable post-kidnapping, the two enter a tense truce. Working with Saelkath and her previous student Iceilla Nightbane (@iceillanightbane​), Riize partakes in off-the-record assistance on a small handful of missions on Unit Eight’s log.

During a heated argument between the two of them, Riize slices Strixena’s face and leaves her permanently scarred. Agreeing that her delving into the Void is making her lose control of herself, Riize is isolated within the barren White Room deep under Easterly’s catacombs. She is kept in solitary confinement for six weeks, with her only outside contact to the world being twice daily visits from Strixena to bring her food. While originally planned as an act of love, Riize begins to go mad. Her connection to the Void deepens in secret. When she is released she rekindles her vow of loyalty to Strixena and is rechristened as Riizen Draconis, the Phoenix of Easterly.

While working as a founding member of House Draconis’s intelligence branch, the Lady’s Hand, Riize meets the Arbiter of Dead Sun Harbor Eilithe Duskbringer (@eilitheduskbringer). While working together during the opening of the House’s gunsmithing store in Stormwind (Dragon’s Breath Smithing) the two kaldorei would develop a lasting friendship. Fulfilling her duties to the House, Riize recruits Joskinar Soulshread (@joskinar) into the Lady’s Hand. Near that time she also meets Aurelia Voidsong (@smoke-and-stilettos), Headmistress of Sordasa Academy. The Academy would act as the research division of the House, providing a vast bevy of knowledge to those who would seek it. Riize, Jos, and Aurelia would soon form a polyamorous relationship.

Patch 8.0

Strixena and other key members of House Draconis are jailed by a mysterious figure. Riize is not targeted, though the time spent away from Strixena eats at her. She tries her best to maintain the organization in her stead but is slowly pushed further and further out of power by inter-House politics. She settles into running the House’s business ventures while awaiting her sister’s return.

During a Unit Eight expedition to Ahn’Qiraj with Saelkath and a mage in SI:7’s employ, Riize witnesses the full power of her teacher’s magic and is horrified. Barely able to push through the ritualist’s powerful psychic influence, Riize helps destroy the artifact they came to collect to free Saelkath from its hold. While the trio are able to return to Unit Eight’s headquarters safely, Saelkath’s mind is shattered and she loses all memory of Riize. Heartbroken, she leaves her teacher in the medbay and disappears into the night. Riize never sees her beloved teacher again.

Eventually Strixena reemerges before the House as a Death Knight, a specter of vengeance unleashed upon the world. House Draconis begins to act again, though with far less of Riize’s input. Not long after, Dragon’s Breath Smithing is shuttered. The intelligence branch that Riize helped Strixena found is scrapped as well, resulting in her joining Aurelia in Sordasa Academy.

Things grew more dire over the coming months. War loomed on the horizon and the temperament of her sister grew even more volatile. The final straw came in the one-two punch of the closing of Sordasa Academy and the ultimatum that re-entering the House’s inner circle would require letting go of her attachment to her partners. Riize, Aurelia, and Joskinar would all leave Easterly for the old Voidsong Manor in the dead of night. She never saw her sister again.

Patch 8.1

The War of the Thorns escalated further, far from Riize’s gaze. The Void’s hold on her grew ever deeper until the Burning of Teldrassil snapped her from her stupor. Journeying to Darkshore, Riize learned that her parents had evacuated to the presumably untouchable kaldorei capital only to be lost in the fire. Riize had not seen her family in decades and never got to say goodbye.

Patches 8.1.5 through 8.2.5

AKA the period I wasn’t playing WoW

Riize, Joskinar, and Aurelia married in private far from the world. The trio would spend the following year together in seclusion, enjoying relative peace together far from the world and the war raging around them. While it was peace at the cost of ignorance, it was a much needed reprieve from the pain that had preceded.

Patch 8.3 through Past and Present

The rise of N’Zoth and the emergence of Ny’alotha took an unseen toll upon the Void-Blessed Night Elf. Visions began to infiltrate her mind showing her memories of lives unlived and roads not taken. In time it became impossible to distinguish the visions from reality. The usually energetic kaldorei would soon spend hours of the day bedridden, barely able to navigate through the illusions that danced before her eyes.

Now

Riize re-enters a world that is unfamiliar during a time of uneasy peace. The public has turned its hatred upon the Void-aligned and allies have become few and far between. Familiar faces have disappeared, replaced by an endless stream of vitriol. Still, Riize searches for answers and closure to a life that has escaped her...

[aion-rsa]

The Mandalorian Season 2: Boba Fett’s Return Explained

https://ift.tt/2E5v2UK

This Star Wars article contains spoilers.

From the very beginning, Boba Fett has inspired The Mandalorian. Showrunner Jon Favreau’s “toy box” approach pitched protagonist Din Djarin as a Boba Fett-like figure, and although the two are quite different in terms of personality and history, the iconic silhouette of the space western gunslinger is very similar. 

But now Boba Fett himself is back in The Mandalorian season 2, played by none other than Temuera Morrison in a very brief cameo. At the very end of the season 2 premiere “The Marshall,” we find Boba watching from a hill as Mando rides off with his old armor, a scowl on the old Mandalorian’s face that would silence a krayt dragon. With all the Mandalorian history and bounty hunting on the show, it was only a matter of time before we finally got to see Boba in the flesh!

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While new Star Wars fans may not be as familiar with Boba Fett, fans who’ve spent hours rewatching the Original Trilogy of movies likely let out a shriek when Morrison hit the screen on the live-action series. The helmeted bounty hunter first appeared in the Star Wars Holiday Special in animated form, but more famously in The Empire Strikes Back as a mysterious figure able to talk back to Darth Vader without consequences. Although he’s barely on screen and speaks very few lines in Empire and Return of the Jedi, his iconic look and intimidating swagger have made him one of the most popular characters in the saga. Most Star Wars fans will recognize his iconic T-visored Mandalorian helmet, jetpack, and gauntlets that can shoot either missiles or ropes for capturing bounties alive. His entire storyline in the Original Trilogy involved hunting down Han Solo for Jabba the Hutt, and he’d fit right in The Mandalorian’s Bounty Hunter’s Guild.

Morrison isn’t the original actor to play Boba Fett: that’s Jeremy Bulloch, who wore the helmet in the Original Trilogy. Other people helped bring the character to life, too. John Morton filled in as body double for Bulloch and Jason Wingreen provided the voice. But Morrison played Jango Fett in Attack of the Clones and is, therefore, the live-action face for all of Jango’s clones, including Boba. This is also why George Lucas later dubbed Morrison’s voice over Wingreen’s performance for the DVD release of the Original Trilogy in 2004.

Unsurprisingly, Boba Fett’s return has sparked a lot of talk among fans, who will likely spend the entire season theorizing how the bounty hunter was able to escape his fate in Return of the Jedi and what his arrival might mean for The Mandalorian. Let’s discuss…

Why Is Boba Fett Returning in The Mandalorian?

Disney has already tried to bring Boba Fett back to live-action twice since it purchased Lucasfilm and the rights to Star Wars in 2012. In 2015, Fantastic Four director Josh Trank was attached to direct a Boba Fett movie that was originally going to be announced as a third Star Wars Story standalone movie, along with Rogue One and Solo. According to an interview with Polygon, Trank “quit because I knew I was going to be fired if I didn’t quit” after Fantastic Four‘s dismal performance and the well-known behind-the-scenes drama during production.

The Boba Fett project was revived in 2018, with Logan director James Mangold set to helm the movie, but this second attempt was also shelved after Solo‘s tepid turn at the box office that same year. Simon Kinberg, Rebels producer and Dark Phoenix director, would have co-written the movie.

In 2020, The Mandalorian provides perhaps the best re-entry point for Boba Fett. Not only does it star a main character with a similar occupation and a taste for carbonite, but it delves deeper into Mandalorian culture as well as what happened to places like Tatooine after the fall of the Empire. Even though Boba Fett isn’t Mandalorian by blood, the fate of Mandalore could still affect him personally, especially since his father was a member of that culture, even if Jango was treated like an outcast by the planet’s pacifist government. Would Fett still be an ally of the Empire after what they did to his father’s people?

The show first teased the return of Boba Fett in the season 1 episode “The Gunslinger.” That episode ends with a mysterious figure inspecting the body of Din Djarin’s latest target on Tatooine. When does this moment take place with respect to Fett’s timeline? Has he just escaped the sarlacc or has he spent the years since Return of the Jedi as a hermit in the desert? Has he been following Din’s tracks all along? The cameo seems to confirm Boba’s hermit status, as we see him wearing black robes and carrying a rifle as his own protection. (He very likely wants his armor back.)

But has he also been tracking Mando? When it comes to a bounty as big as the one on Din and Baby Yoda‘s heads in season 1, there’s no doubt that the greatest bounty hunter in the galaxy would have heard about it. And if the underworld has forgotten him after he was swallowed whole by the sarlacc, what better way to reclaim his reputation than by collecting the bounty no one else could?

That’s not to say that the bounty hunter has definitely returned as a villain. For one thing, this could just be a cameo or perhaps the very start of an arc that will see Boba following our heroes around, waiting for the right moment to reveal himself.

However Fett’s story plays out, it could set up future adventures for the character, just like the ones he had before Disney erased the classic Legends continuity from canon.

How Did Boba Fett Survive the Sarlacc Pit?

Fett’s death in Return of the Jedi wasn’t the end for the bounty hunter in the pre-Disney Legends continuity. In fact, he lived a long life that stretched decades beyond the events of the Original Trilogy. But how did he survive a fate as gruesome as being slowly digested over a thousand years inside of the sarlacc?

Fans learned in the classic Dark Horse comic series Dark Empire by Tom Veitch and Cam Kennedy that Fett’s armor allowed him to survive inside the sarlacc and fight his way out, blowing up the creature in the process (a move very similar to how Mando escaped the belly of the krayt dragon in “The Marshall”). The novel The Mandalorian Armor by K.W. Jeter further explained that it was rival bounty hunter Dengar who found Boba Fett half-dead in the desert and nursed him back to health.

From that point on, Fett became a regular character in the Legends Expanded Universe, featuring in many bounty-hunter focused books. He also made a brief cameo in the 19-book New Jedi Order series and appeared in the Jedi-focused Legacy of the Force and Fate of the Jedi books. In fact, Fett lived on until the very end of the Legends timeline, completely defying the odds after his initial demise in Return of the Jedi.

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Boba Fett eventually became the leader of the Mandalorians, which had a sprawling culture and even their own official language in Legends. Fett had a family and his granddaughter ended up assisting in the training of Jaina Solo, Han and Leia’s daughter.

As in the Sequel Trilogy, Legends included the continuation of the Skywalker-Solo clan, and, while Fett mostly kept to himself as the leader of a third faction sometimes opposed and sometimes allied with the Republic, he was involved with incorporating Mandalorian fighting into Jaina’s Jedi training. He also became a formal ally of the Jedi in the war against Jaina’s brother, Jacen Solo/Darth Caedus, in Legacy of the Force.

Will the Disney canon do something similar with Boba Fett’s post-Return of the Jedi story? We don’t know what the studio might have in mind for Fett, or whether he will eventually turn into a more sympathetic anti-hero character, but it wouldn’t be surprising if some elements from his Legends storyline were brought into the new canon. That’s exactly what Disney did with Grand Admiral Thrawn, another character whose Legends story was pieced together in a new way in the canon animated series Rebels.

How Boba Fett Might Connect to Baby Yoda 

Boba, as we all know, isn’t a traditional Mandalorian — he’s a clone. He wasn’t born on Mandalore, he wasn’t connected to a traditional cultural/religious covert like Din Djarin in The Mandalorian, and his father Jango, a killer willing to sell his clones to the Republic, doesn’t exactly seem like a traditionalist in the vein of the Armorer or Mandalorian leader Bo-Katan Kryze. 

There’s certainly some kind of cloning plot being woven into The Mandalorian. In season 1, Ugnaught hero Kuill suggested that Baby Yoda could be a “strand-cast,” a type of bio-engineered clone that Emperor Palpatine hoped to use as the perfect vessel for his spirit after his original body was destroyed in the Battle of Endor. We know that Dr. Pershing, an Imperial scientist, wanted to experiment on the Child before Din decided to rescue him. Was Baby Yoda part of the Emperor’s plan to find a new vessel or a clone of Master Yoda the Emperor planned to turn to the dark side?

Or is Baby Yoda the result of a separate strand-cast experiment that worked where so many of the Sith’s failed? If this is the case, the Empire would undoubtedly want to see how the Child not only survived the cloning process but also became powerful in the Force. As we learn in The Rise of Skywalker, the Emperor’s own clones were all massive disappointments on that front.

What if Boba Fett is hunting Baby Yoda for what’s left of the Empire? Would they feel any sort of affinity toward each other if they’re both clones, or would Boba Fett be the cold-hearted killer to Din Djarin’s heartfelt foundling? The potential clone connection could make for a captivating storyline in season 2.

Fans certainly have had a lot of time to come up with opinions, headcanon, and theories about the bounty hunter. Fett speaks sparingly and radiates intimidation, even if his most famous role features him falling into a large pit. Attack of the Clones and The Clone Wars added to Fett’s backstory and showed him learning the ropes of the bounty hunting trade. All that could be paid off in The Mandalorian, depending on how the show incorporates Morrison now that he’s made his return.

The Star Wars franchise has been in a rather uncertain place since the Disney purchase, with movies doing well at the box office but cultural cache falling. The Mandalorian is one of the most unquestionably successful and high-quality parts of the franchise right now, so it’s a good business decision to bring a very popular character to the show. We’ll see what that means for the story. 

The Mandalorian season 2 airs Fridays at 12:01 pm PT/3:01 am ET on Disney+.

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The post The Mandalorian Season 2: Boba Fett’s Return Explained appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[hollyhomburg]

Emergency Contact (PJM)

(Wrecked Pt.2) ( Part One) 

Summary: Months after your break up, Jimin gets a call from you. Why are you passed out at a bar alone? And why is Jimin still listed as your emergency contact? 

Tags: Pining, Alcohol, Vomiting, mentions of emotional infidelity, 

W/c: 3.8K

A/n: I’ve been a little out of sorts recently; this might be the first thing I release for a little while. I have a lot of stuff that still needs to be edited and put out, but I think I might need to take a short break from being so active. Shouldn’t take more than a week though! Just need to get myself on track! 

also, I got a little fed up with people not reading my works because the first part wasn’t linked! I don't know if this will pop up in the search results but idgaf anymore! please consider reblogging this more than liking because I still want people to see my work but want to make it easier for them to read!

Jimin is just about to fall asleep after a long day of practice when he gets the call. The one he always wanted to get and the one he never expected to come. He sees your name and picks it up instantly, fumbling for his phone in his covers, suddenly out of breath though he’s been lying down for at least 5 minutes. 

“Y/n” he breathes your name like a prayer- like it’s very utterance will shatter the illusion and plunge the moment into dreamland. How many times has the exact same thing happened to him in his dreams? 

“Uhm no?” an unfamiliar male voice says. “Is this Jimin?”

“Is this Woojin?” Jimin replies uneasily, remembering your boyfriend's name from the countless times he’d stalked him on social media after Seokjin’s initial prodding. 

Seokjin and Taehyung had convinced to do it, even if it feels too much like stalking for jimin to agree with. ‘don't you want to know what you’re up against?’ Taehyung had asked him, finally making Jimin cave. And I mean maybe Jimin was just being petty but your new boyfriend wasn’t even cute. though he was taller than Jimin- but that's beside the point. 

Jimin pushes his own insecurity and pushes himself up off the bed. drowned out music filters through the phone muffling their reply to the point where jimin can't understand them beyond a frustrated sigh. 

“I’m sorry what did you say?”  it’s now been two months since you started dating Woojin. Jimin has only just gotten back to Korea and settled in after a tour. No more plans in his future besides a distant but looming comeback. He’d been unable to act yet on his desire to win you back, or even make a concrete plan no matter seokjin and Taehyung’s urgings.

“Uhm no…to be honest…I found the owner of this phone, Y/n right? almost passed out at the club I bartend at, you were her emergency contact. normally we’d just put her in a cab but-” the man sighs, “it’s my first day on the job and her phone was unlocked so I thought I’d give it a try.”  Jimin’s heart jumps with concern and sudden dread, Jimin is already pulling on a sweatshirt and a facemask to cover his identity by the time the bartender is finishing his speech.

“Thank you for calling me and not doing that. I’ll come to get her, what is the name of the bar?”

The ride there is longer than Jimin anticipates, and he taps his hands against the steering wheel of his car while he waits in traffic (the car is expensive and freshly purchased after their promotional video at a serious discount). He parks the car on the curb and gets out to a few gawking faces that he equates to his expensive car ( freshly purchased after their promotional video at a serious discount) And not a breach of his identity as he rushes to the bouncers cutting the line, but they let him through once he explains the situation, one of them guiding him to you. 

A young looking black-haired man is sighing as you slouch in a leather booth- looking far too underdressed for this sort of club. “Will you at least drink some water?” he says aggravatedly.  

You giggle and boop him on the nose, “nope- I want vodka.” the bartender resists the urge to slap your hand away. Jimin knows why knows it’s hard to be upset at someone so cute and charismatic as you. He can even see the anger deflating from his shoulders with an aggravated sigh. 

Jimin remembers the first night you ever met, at a ritzy party at a rooftop bar in Gangnam that Taehyung and Jungkook had made him go too. Taehyung was always making foreign friends with expensive connections. Not that they really were wanting for anything, but Taehyung and Jungkook liked getting out into the party scene as a distraction from their busy schedules.

 He remembers sneaking out onto a closed balcony after Taehyung tried to make him play a new stupid American drinking game. Only to find it already occupied. Someone was playing a pop song over the speakers and Jimin had indulged in your voice for a moment as you sang along to the song. 

“With a voice like that-”, he commented when your last note faded, your head whipped around to see who had overheard you, “-You could be an idol,” Jimin remembers thinking how cute you looked with your blushing cheeks, so put out to be caught singing by a stranger.

“Are you kidding me?” You say scandalized, as Jimin leans over the edge of the balcony and tries to be casual as he blatantly admires you. he waits to be chastised unintentionally, by your admission of knowing his identity. to have you say, oh my god famous Park Jimin thinks I could be an idol and the illusion of normalcy be shattered. but instead, you snort, raising an eyebrow at the incredibly hot stranger over the lip of your drink. “I could never lose enough weight to be even considered by an agency.” 

You’d both been suitably plied with alcohol that evening, as you both stayed out on that balcony all night instead of going back into the private party. Sitting next to you against the railing, looking out over the rooftops of Seoul, often finding himself looking at your smile over the glittering lights. The truth had come out later that evening when one of your friends had opened the door hiding Jimin behind it but almost squishing him too. 

“Oh my god Y/n, I didn’t bring you to this part to sulk about Mark, you have to come- those K-pop guys are doing one of their dances, no idea where the other one went- but the youngest one is the cutest.” 

“I’ll be there in a second.” You said, when she closed the door, you’d been raising your eye at Jimin. “The other one huh?” 

“Mark huh?” Jimin had parried effortlessly. 

“He’s just my ex.” You say, shriveling your nose as you took a sip of your glass. “Those guys in there?” Jimin grimaces and downs the last of his drink. 

“They’re my group members.” you don't ask him again about being an idol. though in the relationship that follows you become more than accustomed to the other boys, his family, who were your friends by extension. 

Jimin and you had left soon after that, piling into a taxicab, you leaned your head on the seat and looked in his direction and he’d mirrored you. Sometimes when I’m in a taxi I close my eyes and pretend I’m rushing somewhere fantastic in some sort of ship.” You say giggling, your words ringing out something musical, but drunk and undescribably fantastic. Jimin had nodded along rapt with the way you were talking, low and tired.

“Come on,” you tugged at his arm, “pretend with me” your hand stays intertwined with his on the middle seat of the taxi, slotting into his feeling absolutely perfect and Jimin had found himself unable to look away from you at all, unable to close his eyes for even a second transfixed with the sight of your head tipped back against the seat, your soft smile, eyes closed, eyelashes pillowed against your cheek. 

Jimin had felt what you felt like you were rushing towards something fantastic and awe-inspiring, but something different than a place. A feeling that was all of that, but so much more: like the warmth spiking on his tongue from cinnamon in fireball and kind of like something molten and golden filling him. Different than the exultation of being on stage but twice as hot, and slower acting like syrup through his veins, but savored none the less, addictive in its sweetness.

He’d felt that, but only after he leaned forward and pressed his lips against yours, softly parted under his own in surprise, tasting like champagne and vanilla lip balm. Sweet- So sweet and Jimin could only want more and more, even as the taxi driver cleared his throat as Jimin’s hand curled around your thigh and squeezed making you whine breathless and needy. 

That one night stand had turned into coffee and breakfast. Which turned into a date, and then another, and then many more before Jimin had finally made you his. Many more drunken nights, days spent in bliss in your arms, No matter how hung-over you were. 

You’d both grown up a little in your relationship and by the end of it, you had preferred to spend the nights sober in each other’s arms as opposed to slinking in some club just to make out in the bathroom. Jimin had barely been around enough to do just that by then, his crazy schedule had been a death sentence to your relationship. 

Jimin has never seen you this drunk before though- you’re barely holding yourself up. You don’t get this drunk ever or at least not often.

Over the bartender’s shoulder you spot Jimin, and surprisingly you shout, “baby!” and move to throw yourself into his arms. He catches you, barely managing to get his arms under yours before you nearly fall out of the leather booth. 

This is about as far as from what Jimin anticipated as possible. This reunion is so different from the one he’d imagined in his head. he always thought that maybe he’d run into you by accident at a party or at a convenience store, or bumping into you at your favorite park. And Maybe after that conversation would flourish and he’d invite you to a coffee to catch up with him. 

But not this, not you in his arms again and calling him baby. 

“Woojin” you babble against his ear, your hands linking around his neck. Of course, this is just his luck, you’re so drunk that you can’t even recognize Jimin- it’s obvious that you think Jimin is your current boyfriend. Jimin tells himself not to be hurt, to just appreciate having you in his arms again after so long spent apart. He swallows down the disappointment because he wishes you were that happy to see him.

You pull yourself out of the booth far enough almost falling forward. The bartender sends a scalding look Jimin’s way. he makes himself scarce before Jimin can even thank him. “Let's get you home.” Jimin hauls you up onto your feet but you sink further into his arms, for all intents and purposes you seem not to have heard him. Jimin Grabs your jacket and shoving your keys and wallet into the pocket of his coat.

 You talk on, not realizing that the arms around you are not the arms of your current boyfriends but the arms of your ex. “I know you’re mad at me because I said I was still in love with my Ex but I promise- I promise I’m really really gonna try to get over him this time.”

Jimin freezes, in the middle of a crowded club somewhere in Hongdae. The words freezing the muted annoyance in his belly like Novocain. Jimin feels numb; hope claws it’s way through his chest, a desperate animal nearly dead but suddenly thriving. “What was your ex’s name again?” his voice shakes, even as he half carries you through the club, the roiling bodies dancing drunkenly, the lights flashing low and red. 

“You know,” you say with a hushed voice, as Jimin stops for a moment before pulling his mask up around his face and getting his keys out propping you up against a wall before he continues walking you out of the crowded club “he’s the idol, Park Jimin.” Jimin stumbles almost losing grip on you as his feet hit the side of the curb, his heart is stuttering out an uneven choppy rhythm as his head rings with your words.

 Still, in love, idol, Park Jimin, me, she’s still in love with me, he barely manages to grab onto you, swinging you to a stop pressed against him right in front of his car. 

You look up at him, and he sees real recognition run in your face, “I think I’m going to be sick” you say, and Jimin can just tilt you against his car (to prevent you from vomiting on his shoes) and hold back your hair like a makeshift ponytail, before you lean against the side of his car and vomit over his wheel well.

“Shit,” Jimin curses, one hand going around your shoulders, he didn't realize you were that wasted, he’s never seen you this drunk before. Even now, the weight of your body against his is something supple and sublime, it doesn’t matter that you’re vomiting on his car- just that you still love him, maybe you never stopped loving him. 

When you’re done vomiting you sway, and Jimin has to stoop to catch you so that you don’t fall against the concrete. “Hey hey hey- don’t pass out on me,” your eyes roll a little but then you come back again more lucid. Jimin manages to open the car door while supporting you with one shoulder before he lifts you into his car and buckles you in.

“Why are you being so sweet to me W-Woojin.” You bop Jimin on the nose, and he smiles, despite the fact that you might (definitely do) have a little bit of vomit in some of the hair in front of your face. Jimin must have missed when he was trying to make sure you didn’t vomit over yourself. But while it should be disgusting, it just warms Jimin’s heart to lean over and use a tissue to wipe it away, because he gets the chance to take care of you again. 

“I’m always sweet to you Y/n and I think you know by now that I’m not Woojin.” Your breath hitches and you look over at Jimin with wide eyes as he pulls away from the curb. 

“Jimin I-“ you rush to cover your mouth with your hand, it makes sense that you would be wordless when confronted by him. He knows you probably didn't mean to admit your secret to Jimin of all people- but you did and those words can't be taken back. But then he looks at your face, your pale cheeks, holding your stomach, and he realizes it’s just another wave of nausea. “Can you open the window I think I’m going to vomit again.” You dry heave out the side of Jimin’s car but don’t actually vomit, which is good- It means that you’ve gotten all of the alcohol out of your system. 

You tilt your head a little outside of the window, good to feel the breeze on your sweaty face and Jimin turns the heat on high so that you stop shivering. He can’t stop staring at you, leaning out the window, your eyes closed, so much like the first night, you met him. And now here you are more than 2 years later, and on the precipice of something else, something completely different. your chest rises softly and your body goes limp with sleep. Jimin lets you drift off as he drives. Unable to stop himself from looking over you at every stop light. 

He’s upset that he has to wake you up when you finally arrive at your apartment but he tries to avoid it.  he hopes that you haven’t changed the code for your front door. Miraculously you haven’t but you wake anyway when he kicks the door open too hard and it slams against your opposite wall. “you can put me down you know” you murmur against his leather jacket. Jimin startles, smiling down at you as he pushes your door closed with his foot. 

Jimin sets you down waiting for you to sway but the short nap you took and the vomiting seemed to have sobered you up. “Jimin you didn’t have too- like come get me I could have handled it.” Jimin just shakes his head and goes to get you a glass of water, passing it off to you before getting his own.  

“I wasn’t just going to let them put you in a cab Y/n,” and you almost try to argue, but you know they would have. You sway and catch yourself against the counter, and Jimin’s already there, picking you up again, “let's get you to bed.” 

“Sorry, you had to deal with me like this.” 

“Don’t beat yourself up over it, the hangover you have tomorrow will be punishment enough” Jimin deposits you on your bed, it’s still the same queen you had and probably the same bed that Jimin would make love to you on. He doesn’t let his mind linger long on the memories he has of your room, a different color now, but the bedspread is that same muted off white. 

The coffee stain near the lip is from when Jimin tried to bring you coffee in bed. you’d spilled it after he accidentally discovered you where ticklish across your stomach. A spot he’d routinely abused for the rest of your relationship. seeing it there. the evidence of him still in your life makes him hope for things he shouldn't be wanting anymore. Not when he treated you like he did in your relationship. 

Maybe Jimin is selfish because even though he knows you needed better than what he could give you then, he still wants this. He still wants to be the one set as your emergency contact and Wants to be in your life even if it means being the one who has to clean the vomit out of your hair. Now that he knows how wrecked he is without you- he’s willing to do more to keep you- he’s willing to try. before he’d thought that maybe it’s was too late to win you back, but after hearing your words tonight he’s not as sure. 

He tucks you under those sheets now, and slips off your knee-high boots,  tugging them off your calf’s and giving the muscle there a short squeeze. You make a noise in the back of your throat and he does it again, and more with the other leg. You seem content to lie there and fall asleep but Jimin doesn’t let you, his hand tilting your face away from your pillow, producing a makeup wipe from your bedside table.  

“Come on you hate waking up with makeup on” you make a surprised noise, your eyes not opening as you let Jimin take off your makeup. 

“You always did such a good job of caring for me.” You murmur hushes as Jimin wipes over your eyelids. Apparently, you’re not as sober as Jimin initially thought. 

“When I was around you mean,” Jimin says harshly, his anger directed at himself, making you fall silent and open your eyes a little before you close them so Jimin can finish taking off your eye makeup. Jimin finishes studying your face, your breath evening out and your eyes closed. He smiles softly, turns you on your side so that if you pass out you won’t choke on your own vomit and shuts the lights off on his way out. 

He gets a spare pillow and a blanket from the cupboard where you keep them and makes your wide couch, it’s the only thing that’s noticeably different in your apartment from what he remembers. It’s a lot longer than the old thread bear couch you and Jimin used to make out on while you pretended to watch TV so he can stretch out completely instead of crunching up. 

The lights from a passing car cast shadows on the wall periodically as Jimin tries to sleep but he can’t, your words play over and over in his head keeping him awake like a song stuck on repeat. “I’m still in love with my ex, the idol Park Jimin,” Jimin can’t breath around the emotions growing like weeds in his chest, and as much as Jimin tries not to name them, they feel a lot like hope.

Jimin wakes when it’s probably far into the next day- only getting a few hours of sleep after his eyelids finally dragged him mind down but he feels like he’s barely closed his eyes. Thank god you didn’t choke on your own vomit in your sleep because Jimin’s not sure he would have woken up for anything short of you dropping a pan in the kitchen adjacent to your living room. which it sounds like you did just do when he leans up and watches you slouch to pick it up with Your back turned to him. 

“Morn-“ but you let out a shrill shriek, wiping around, your pan clutched in your hands like a weapon as Jimin yawns, stands, and stretches.  

“Jesus Jimin you scared me. What the hell are you still doing here anyway?”  

“What do you mean,” Jimin says, standing up and helping himself to your coffee maker.  He scratches his stomach, lifting up a little bit of his shirt. He catches you looking at his chest before your gaze flits away, the coffee maker gurgles as it turns on, sending you through the awkward silence. 

“I thought that after last night you would have cleared off.” 

“I wasn’t just gonna go- you know I’m not like that,” Jimin says, still looking at you as you busy yourself getting some eggs out of the fridge, he remembers how you used to tell him to stop staring at you when he would watch you in the mornings, his hair all messed over his forehead and his eyes puffy. “And besides I thought we could talk about last night.” 

“What’s there to talk about?” Jimin shakes his head, not letting you get away with it.   

“Don't try to pull that shit right now. I know you remember what you said to me.” 

“What If I say I don’t, and I’ll make you breakfast for a thank you, and then we can go back to our lives like before” Jimin shakes his head, taking the carton of eggs from you and putting them on the counter.

“I don’t want that- and judging by what you said you don’t want that either.” 

“Jimin, I’m in a relationship. I’ve moved on.” You stress the words, trying to take the eggs back but he holds them out of your reach. Now that he has you close, looking conflicted and sleep-addled in your kitchen, in the kitchen where he fell in love with you. Really your entire apartment was where he’d fallen in love with you. 

It was your sleepy little hideaway, the hideaway from Jimin’s real life. But really- he’d never been more himself than the version he was with you, which was why the last few months had been so hard. He’d been missing apart of himself and here it was trying to grab the eggs out of his hands. 

“Y/n- don’t tell me that, don’t lie,” Jimin says lowly like a curse, and your gaze flickers down to his, and you take in how you are, almost pressed to him in the midday light of your kitchen. Too close to his chest. 

You try to turn away but Jimin catches your hand.  “Jimin,” you say, his name a warning, but he continues before you can. 

“Don’t tell me that you don’t still feel what I feel Y/n” Jimin says, holding your hand against his chest, trapping it there so that you can feel his heart beat unevenly against your palm. “I still care about you, I still want to make it work, and I promise you with everything I’ve got that I will try harder, be better, and put you first this time if you only let me. If you only give me one more chance” 

Jimin barely processes the hot tears rippling down his cheeks, his lips bitten and red from the night he spent lying awake. “I still love you, I love you so much, I need you in my life, and I know that now more than I did before, I’ve lived without you and I don’t- please don’t make me go back to that. Don't make me hope for it and then tear that hope away.” 

“Do you regret it?” you ask softly, biting your lip as a tear catches on the curve of your lower lip. jimin imagines kissing the salt off of them, licking into your mouth and pressing you against the counter, the image hitting him so hard that he was to forcefully restrain himself from actually doing it.  Jimin is soothed, even though he knows he shouldn’t be, to see you as conflicted as he is. 

“Do I regret how I treated you?” Jimin lifts your fist to his face and punctuating every word with a kiss to your knuckles.  “Every. Single. damn. day.” your mouth opens once then closes as you're lost for words. “I know I don’t deserve another chance, not by a long shot, and that you’ve already given me so many, but if you walk away from us now, that’s on you this time. I’m here. And I’m ready to give you my all.” Jimin resists tugging you back when you withdraw your hand from his hold. 

He resists letting it go. his heart collapses in on its self, it feels like a burning star collapsing into a black hole as you put on your jacket and grab your keys. Jimin swallows; see’s your mouth open once and then again, as you press back to him. 

Your arms feel like a battering ram, as they wrap around Jimin, clutching him to you, harsh and quick. The hug just as fleeting at the brush of your lips against his collarbones that makes him jump. Your hands are hard as you cup his cheeks in your hands, you look up at him, fainting a small smile blinking away tears as your fingers pushing away his. 

He wants to kiss you so so badly- but he won’t when you’re not his, he doesn’t know what this means, that tender and judging look in your eyes as they flick over Jimin’s face, not saying anything. 

“Y/n” Jimin pleads unable to handle the closeness for much longer without acting.  

“Just Stay right here, I need to go talk to Woojin- but please,” you head towards the door but can’t resist turning back to him to look, to drink him in standing in your kitchen again. You almost fall over trying to put on your shoes while you look at him.  “Please don’t go anywhere.” Jimin swallows back something that feels too much like disappointment to feel good, and nods.

“Here” He agrees, watching as your large jacket bunches around your wrists. He tosses you his set of keys to his car. “You left your car at the bar last night- take mine.”  

You wrap Jimin’s keys around your fingers and your smile is a little bit heartbreaking, as you smile back and say “Okay.” looking back at him once more before you leave. 

It’s been a few months since Jimin was in your apartment but he still knows your system well enough to find some cereal and some milk for breakfast. He waits around for an hour watching some news and lounging on his mock bed on your couch. Trying to distract himself from where he is, where you are, and what he hopes you’re doing right now. 

He makes it through half an episode of some reality tv show before some mid-morning drowsiness and tiredness from the night make his eyes slide closed. 

When he wakes from his nap, his first indication to the fact that you’re home is the fact that the tv is off. You're sitting on the other end of the couch as Jimin straightens up.  Your head is tipped back against the edge of the couch, your eyes are red-rimmed from crying and you don't respond when he says your name. 

“Are you okay?“ Jimin cuts off, he wants to reach out and pull you into his arms. Your hand tips down and drops his keys against the couch your hand falls open. Jimin reaches out, lacing his fingers slowly with yours. giving you the chance to pull away.  It takes a second but then you’re gripping Jimin’s hand like you’re afraid he’s the one who’s going to let go. You open your eyes, your gaze sliding to his. 

“It wasn’t easy, none of this is easy” you stress, “but yeah… I broke up with Woojin.” 

[introvertguide]

King Kong (1933); AFI #41

The latest movie for review was the one and only creature feature on the AFI top 100 list, the iconic Kong Kong (1933). This was the equivalent of a blockbuster for the time as it was first presented at Radio City Music Hall for 4 days and all shows were sold out. The film incorporated layering technology that had never been utilized before, which I assume made the experience of watching in a 9,000 attendance capacity crowd on a 30 foot screen an amazing experience. The film did not win any awards, but has since been recognized as a defining film for special effects in Old Hollywood. I was able to track down a version of the movie with commentary by Ray Harryhausen and I want to discuss what was revealed about the film production, but we should do a quick summary of the film first. I will not go into too much detail since the film has been remade three times now and most everybody knows the story, but I still need to do the standard...

SPOILER WARNING!!!! I AM GOING TO GIVE AWAY THE PLOT OF A MOVIE THAT IS 90 YEARS OLD AND HAS BEEN REMADE TWICE!!! IT WON’T EVEN BE THAT IN DEPTH, BUT I GET IN TROUBLE IF I DON’T SAY SOMETHING ABOUT SPOILERS!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

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The film starts out with a movie director named Carl Denham (Robert Armstrong) who is looking to discover an actress. He has a map to a secret island and he wants to shoot a film there. He hired a ship with a crew and his producer has secured a camera, but an actress is still needed. Denham scours the streets looking for a pretty new face that is desperate enough to not ask questions. He quickly discovers Ann Darrow (Fay Wray) as she is trying to steal an apple from an apple cart. He pays for her, gives her some food, and whisks her away on the boat.

On the ship, it is revealed that only Denham knows where they are going. He has a hand drawn map to a place called Skull Island where there is a giant wall that contains a world of monsters. Ann Darrow falls in love with the first mate, Jack Driscoll (Bruce Cabot), by the time boat makes it to the island. A large group goes ashore and they run into natives in front of a huge wall with a giant door. There seemed to be some sort of ceremony involving the sacrifice of a young girl, but that changes when the natives see Ann and they want to take her for their ceremony. The group from the boat decides it is a good idea to get off the island, so they row back to the ship. In the night, a group of natives spirit away Ann and her absence is quickly noticed. 

Fires and celebration light up the sky and the crew figures out that the natives stole their actress. The tribe is then shown opening up the giant door, tying Ann to some rocks inside the enclosure, closing the doors leaving her alone, and then hitting a gong to summon the beast.  The sailors all run up on the natives right as Kong appears and takes away Ann. The group including Denham and Driscoll open the door and half the group chases after Kong deep into the enclosure. 

All of the men who go inside are slowly picked off by either Kong or dinosaurs that live in the enclosure, which turns out to be somewhat of a Jurassic jungle. Kong has to constantly fight off beasts that want to steal Ann from him including an allosaur, pterodactyls, and what appears to be the Loch Ness monster. With the constant barrage of predators, the chase team of sailors is whittled down to just Driscoll and Denham. Denham goes back to the gate and Driscoll goes after Ann. During one of Kong’s monster distractions, Driscoll is able to steal Ann and they flee back to the gate with Kong following behind. Everyone gets out of the enclosure successfully, but Kong is so mad he breaks down the gate and wreaks havoc on the native village killing many. Our three main characters and a few of the sailors that stayed behind to guard the gate run back to the boats with Kong following, but Denham is able to throw a gas bomb in the face of the giant gorilla and he is subdued.

The beginning of Act 3 has the hardest cut between settings of any movie I have ever seen, yet it makes sense in the movie. Kong is somehow transferred to New York from Skull Island where the beast is chained up. Time has passed (I am not sure how much) but the giant ape will be revealed to the public at Radio City Music Hall. Denham has made $10,000 in one night in ticket sales to see the beast and gotten ahold of the press to document the occasion. It turns out that Driscoll and Ann are about to be married as well. All of this is neither shown nor explained outside of about 1 minute of dialogue. Anyway, back to the film...

Kong is being displayed for the public and Driscoll and Ann are dressed in their best that Denham has bought for them. The couple are introduced on stage and then the press is brought in to take pictures of the beast. Kong becomes so enraged by all of the flashing that he breaks his bonds and escapes. He is somehow able to get out into the streets where he stomps on people and destroys an elevated train. Ann and Driscoll escape and hide in a hotel which Kong is able to find. He does pick a lady out of the wrong room initially and he just drops her to her death. Second attempt gets a jackpot and Driscoll basically faints while a giant hand steals Ann. 

After some more destruction, Kong takes Ann and climbs the Empire State Building. They get to the top and planes are sent in to shoot Kong off the building. Eventually he falls and dies on impact. Ann and Driscoll are OK and Denham walks out of the crowd to see the body of Kong at the base of the giant building. The movie ends with Denham saying the famous line. “Twas beauty that killed the beast.”

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First, let me say what an absolute treat it was to watch this film with the commentary from the great Ray Harryhausen. That man is a class act with so much great insight into film making during the Golden Age of Hollywood. He was apparently 13 when the movie was released and he saw it in theaters on many occasions. The work of special effects director Willis O’Brien and producer Merian Cooper in King Kong influenced Harryhausen when he made The 7th Voyage of Sinbad, Jason and the Argonauts, and Clash of the Titans. The special effects in these films then influenced a huge list of great directors like James Cameron, Guillermo Del Toro, Tim Burton, Peter Jackson, J.J. Abrams, Wes Anderson, and George Lucas. I learned so much about the connection between King Kong and my favorite movies, it was just a great watch.

King Kong was actually made in three different sizes and there were multiple models of each. One giant gorilla head, which was manned by three men, with a single giant foot and a single arm with a hand, were made for the close up interaction shots with the actors. The fingers and toes on the full sized limbs had to be moved by hand (many very strong hands presumably) so there is no movement from the digits in these shots. A bunch of 2 foot wire framed puppets of Kong were made that could interact with the dinosaurs and the buildings around New York. Finally, a couple of six inch puppets were made to superimpose onto stock shots of the Empire State Building for the famous ending shots of Kong climbing the giant building.. 

Almost every shot in the film that didn’t involve a simple human interaction was created through layered shots. All the shots of the island, any shots of King Kong or any monsters, many shots of the jungle, and many shots of King Kong interacting in New York. The use of matte paintings in the far background with paintings on glass in front of those made all the shots seem deep and lush. In front of these were layered the stop motion puppets of Kong and the monsters and at the very front were humans and directly interactive props (cars, plants, huts, etc.). I never realized how much work went into every single shot of this film and I can see why it is so famous.

Another note is the direct influence on some of the most famous films of all time. The approach of King Kong started with sounds, went on to the effect of the great apes weight hitting the ground, and ended with the giant figure coming out from the trees. This method of introducing a monster has been highly copied, most notably the T-Rex in Jurassic Park. 

The film was somewhat risque at the time and some of the film was cut on first release. Kong biting people and squashing natives was not originally included. There was a scene in which Fay Wray fell into water in her ripped white dress and that was not included. Also, Kong picks up a lady from the hotel that Ann is in and promptly drops her (she wasn’t blond so she has to go), which was harsh enough to be cut from the original release. None of this seems that bad today, but there were no restrictions on film in 1933 and studios didn’t know what would upset audiences. 

One thing that struck me as funny while watching (and the commentators noted this as well) was how every character immediately loved and was willing to die for this blond white lady. Denham just found her on the street and the entire crew didn’t think she should be on board for about 3 minutes, then suddenly Driscoll loved her and the entire crew was willing to die horribly to save her. The natives took one look at her and thought she would make a better sacrifice then the young girl they had. Kong was willing to fight off all forms of monster to protect her. I thought he might have simply wanted a companion, but he tossed that other poor woman from the New York hotel down off a building. At the end, men shot the ape off the Empire State Building sending bullet spray everywhere in an effort to save the girl. I honestly don’t think she was worth it, but that is just one man’s opinion. 

So is this film worthy of being on the AFI List? Absolutely yes. It does not have great acting, but the contribution to American cinema through the effects, the story, and the pure ambition is well worth a spot on the list. Would I recommend it? Across the board yes with no hesitation. I especially recommend watching with the commentary, if that is your thing, because watching this film and listening to Ray Harryhausen tell stories is an absolute treat. Definitely one of the best film watching experiences I have ever had. 

[callieshipman]

For the ship asks - not EXACTLY a ship question (unless you ship it?), but I know you love Monty and I was wondering what you thought about his interactions with Octavia. Do you think they could have been good friends if they had more interaction, or were they destined to be adversaries? Who would influence who and how so? Gimme your thoughts on this underappreciated dynamic! xoxo PS - just in case I haven't mentioned it today, I love Murven.

luckily you had mentioned you love murven today or i might have forgotten!

As for Monty and Octavia, there’s a LOT to say. Look, I’m even being grammatically correct for this one! Under the cut, because it gets loooong.

They have a really lovely dynamic in Season 1. There’s some light teasing (maybe something close to flirting?) in the pilot when Monty says “note to self: next time save the girl” and she laughs, as well as him picking the poison sumac out of her hair. But I think for the most part, Monty has seen that Jasper has a crush on Octavia, so he’s not really going there. She’s also the first person he opens up to about Jasper (”He’s not my real brother, but he’s always been there”) and they have a sweet bonding moment there.

Typing this up makes me wonder if part of their bonding was over living in people’s shadows? Octavia is looking for an identity outside being the girl under the floor and Bellamy Blake’s brother, Monty is living in Jasper’s shadow, a plot which continues to develop through the season. They’re both in codependent relationships that are good and bad for them.

They’re also both blunt people with a tendency to call out behaviour they aren’t impressed with- particularly in Bellamy and Clarke. I think both of them serve quite moral roles in early seasons, wanting to save lives, be honest with their people, and trust in the good in people. 

Unfortunately, Octavia goes off in the opposite direction whilst Monty stays on that track. Monty somewhat lampshaded that when he asked her why she wasn’t a total basket case, so I think the conclusion is that the difference between them stems from the fact that Octavia is already an unstable and stunted person who grew up in a limited social context, whereas Monty presumably had quite a secure childhood (my thoughts on his mother are a WHOLE separate post). Additionally, Monty seems to form other secure relationships in Jasper’s absence from s3 onwards, but Octavia falls apart when her brother does.

Despite that, Monty brings Octavia back into the fold in Season 3, with the “You’re one of the 100” speech and killing his mother for her. There’s definitely a real fondness between them, even though Octavia is withdrawn and angry, and Monty is clearly impatient and prickly. Interestingly, Octavia seems better at empathetic connections than Monty does, but he is more balanced.

Monty attempts to bring her back again in Season 4, trying to stop her execution of Ilian and telling her this isn’t who she is. Whatever he says to people, he tends to maintain faith in them for a long time. 

They’re not as friendly in Season 5. Monty calls her a dictator, she tells him that farmers can’t save the world. They are trying to solve the same problem, but Octavia is traumatised and trapped in a leadership position, and Monty has found peace and self-acceptance and has never been made to be a leader. Or has he never been allowed to be a leader? No one listened to his ideas until he was dead! I also don’t believe he was actively threatening Octavia’s life in the “Let’s kill Octavia,” scene as much as he was calling Clarke and Bellamy out on their hypocrisy again. Octavia calls them out too, though she’s notably more hostile. “Traitor who you love”, anyone?

The burning of the algae farm is a point of no return for their relationship. He literally offers her flowers, and she burns down the whole thing. Mockingly calls him and Harper “Adam and Eve”. Octavia, at this point, rejects the Garden of Eden as a paradise, because she no longer believes in it and Monty still does. He never gets to properly confront her about this, but he’s clearly devastated. 

Octavia takes away the choice, and Monty makes another one. He gives up his life with his friends, and dies to take them somewhere else, picking a third option. It’s a choice that Octavia would not, at that point, have been able to make. Her identity is too fractured and hinged on other people to live out the rest of her life alone. Monty had enough peace, security in his family, and belief in himself and humanity to make his choice.

And Octavia calls him a coward. Granted, she’s only trying to goad Jordan into killing her, which doesn’t work because just like his dad, he won’t give up on people. Ultimately, it shows the crucial difference between them- Monty wanted peace, Octavia wanted to win.

I think she’s taken that on board this season. She was given a second chance twice- once by Monty, once by the anomaly. She’s had a lovely redemption arc, and is taking her lessons onboard. She even tells Bellamy and Clarke that if they can save innocent lives, they should, and risks her life to follow through on that. It can’t all be the anomaly. I think she’s allowed Monty to bring her back from the brink one more time.

So to answer your question (finally!) I don’t think they were ever adversaries. They didn’t hate each other as people, just each other’s means to an end. And they have a lot in common, they gel well, and bring out fun, honesty, and goodness in each other. They could have been good friends, but circumstances and their different approaches to coping pushed them apart each time. In the wake of Monty’s death, I think she looks back on him with affection and considers him a friend, and I think he must have thought the same of her when he told them to do better, and be the good guys.

I haven’t proofread this, it might be bullshit! But thank you for asking, it gave me a lot to think about and I love getting to talk about Monty and Octavia.

[ettadunham]

A Buffy rewatch 7x13 The Killer in Me

aka i just want willow to be happy

We did it, guys! We made it to the last season! Also, hello if you’re new, and stumbled upon this without context. As usual, these impromptu text posts are the product of my fevered mind as I rant about the episode I just watched for an hour (okay, sometimes perhaps two). Anything goes!

And I have a lot of complicated feelings about today’s episode.

Killer in Me follows in the footsteps of Potential, taking a break from the Big Bad to focus more on some of our characters. It just does it with a somewhat more questionable execution.

And by questionable, I mean that I’m not actually sure how I feel about all of it. There’s a lot that I like here, and with the ending scene especially, I found that, overall, it worked.

You got me, show. I want Willow to be happy.

I earlier criticized Kennedy for being an under-developed love interest for Willow in the show’s last season (as opposed to Willow/Anya that was… right there, you guys, it was right there!!), but I can’t even pretend to be mad anymore. Ultimately, that’s not the point. Kennedy’s not the point. Willow not feeling constantly miserable for the rest of her life is.

And while the doomed relationships thing is basically a theme here, I think at this point the writers also became somewhat aware of the implications of having their one (canon) queer main character end the show on that note? I mean, it was 2003, we were still getting used to not connecting to the internet through dial-up, so there wasn’t as much uproar as you’d might expect today upon Tara’s death. But it still had an impact. This sort of meta acknowledgement would also coincide with having Rona earlier in the season comment upon how black women die first in movies – a trope that the show’s been obviously guilty of as well.

Not to mention that Kennedy was written with an effort to have her be more steeped in queer culture – something that the writers never really explored with Willow, and use Kennedy here to comment upon. But we’re also just talking about Willow’s experience and relationship to her sexuality in general, which is so nice???

Maybe if we’ve done this more and earlier, we wouldn’t have The Discourse in the first place…

I like the simplicity of it all too of what Willow says. She fell in love with Tara. That was it.

What makes the show strong, even when it might not be familiar with certain experiences, is that it knows its characters. That’s what they build upon with their themes too, and it’s what makes these stories work, regardless of anything else. So I like to think of this scene as a follow up on that, that also briefly ties into a greater context.

The part where Willow talks about her mom’s reaction to her coming out is also interesting, and something we’ve never discussed on the show before.

WILLOW:  “My mom was all proud like I was making some political statement. Then the statement mojo wore off and I was just gay. She hardly ever even met Tara.”

This isn’t all that surprising if one remembers Gingerbread though – Willow’s mom couldn’t even recall Buffy’s name. In season 3. So, of course she wouldn’t bother to get to know her daughter’s girlfriend of three years either.

Willow says that she didn’t mind though, saying that her and Tara were “private”. Which in a way is a callback to season 4, when Willow kept Tara and her relationship with her hidden from the Scoobies for months, saying that she wanted something that was only hers.

(“I am, you know.” “What?” “Yours.”)

But Willow eventually introduced Tara to her friends, and the latter became an integral part of their group. And yet when it came to her mom, she felt more comfortable with keeping these things separate.

…Or maybe it’s just that she felt distant from her mom in general, who never even tried to understand or connect with her.

In any case, Willow and Kennedy’s date ends up being surprisingly sweet. Especially when you consider that Kennedy essentially tricked Willow into the whole thing…

Anyway.

Let’s talk about Willow turning into Warren.

I think I already mentioned that there’s this possible interpretation of the Trio as a darker reflection of Willow in season 6, without getting too much into it.

I guess we’ll have to get into it now.

Let’s go back to the early seasons and Restless. What does Willow feel like her defining characteristic is at that time? What’s her greatest fear in college? How does she see herself even as late as season 6?

WILLOW:  “Let me tell you something about Willow. She's a loser. And she always has been. People picked on Willow in junior high school, high school, up until college. With her stupid mousy ways. And now? Willow's a junkie.”

Willow started out the show as a lonely nerd, who was motivated by wanting to be special and loved. Her and Warren were never the same, because Warren never had the self-awareness to temper his entitlement, but you can track some of the same patterns through both of them, coming from a similar place of insecurity. Like their need for control and power, and the lengths they’d go to maintain that.

And I think Willow had the self-awareness to recognize that. After all, that kind of ability of self-examination is one of the things that distances her from Warren in the first place. No wonder then that her subconscious chose this form of punishment for her upon Amy’s hex then.

The part that initially felt more clunky to me about this, was the misogynistic language. That was what signaled to us the fact that Willow wasn’t just simply appearing in Warren’s form, but was becoming him. And it felt decidedly extreme and non-Willow-y, and messed with the nuance of it all.

…Until I remembered the kind of language Willow would use in the earlier seasons to describe characters like Cordelia or Faith. It stuck out to me then as well, and in a sense, this detail now can be interpreted as a commentary on that, and Willow’s internalized misogyny.

But the crux of it all, the emotional gut-punch, ends up being about a whole different kind of connection that Willow feels to Warren.

Killing Tara.

WILLOW:  “No, she was never gone. She was with me. We should have been forever, and I let her be dead. She's really dead. And I killed her.”

Let 👏 Willow 👏 be 👏 happy 👏

See? There’s a lot of juicy stuff here to talk about and I love that. Not to mention that we finally embrace Amy as an Ethan Rayne-type of chaotic neutral villain foil to Willow, and it’s so good! So very good!

AMY:  “This is not about hate. It's about power. Willow always had all the power, long before she even knew what to do with it. Just came so easy for her. The rest of us, we had to work twice as hard to be half as good. But no one cares about how hard you work. They just care about cute, sweet Willow. They don't know how weak she is. She gave in to evil, stuff worse than I can even imagine. She almost destroyed the world! And yet everyone keeps on loving her? So what's wrong with having a little fun, huh? Taking her down a peg or two?”

It’s delicious. Even more delicious than the brownies Amy and Willow would bond over during Junior High.

On a less fun note, a lot of characters’ reaction to the idea that Willow would now be a boy is a bit… troubling. I’m not talking about the Scoobies here, who are mostly freaked out by the fact that it’s Warren, but things like the Wicca group’s reaction for instance. Like, they aren’t even reacting to the story of how Willow was hexed yet, they’re just being weird about the idea itself that someone they knew as a girl is now a boy. As if that was out of the realm of possibilities.

Meanwhile in one of our other side-stories, Spike’s chip is malfunctioning, so he and Buffy are trying to contact the Initiative to ask for their help (Sarah Michelle Gellar also lost her voice at some point it seems), and the rest of the gang think that Giles might be dead and the First, so they go on a road trip to investigate.

Overall, there’s plenty of flaws to be found with this episode. The themes of Willow turning into Warren don’t actually get fully explored, and scenes like Willow buying the gun are just super weird for it. Ideas like the fairytale kiss are just clunky. And yet, The Killer in Me also got to me, and provided me with tons of stuff to dissect.

So, much like with the Willow/Kennedy relationship, I can’t be too mad about it.

[sambart93]

Messiah: Genya no Koku [Movie Review]

Another quick review I wanted to do. So I got to see this twice and I got to theorise with one of my friends after both reviewings and we were both going crazy with fanfic ideas after this. 

In true Messiah style, I watched this and fell right back into the hell pit that is Messiah. I love this series. I don’t think I’ll ever leave it. But that’s what DV does to you xD

Official Site here Press/Pics/Videos 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

The Story

The story is set just after Tsukuyomi where Itsuki agrees to trading himself in so they could get Ariga back. During the transfer, Ariga makes it back to HQ safely but Itsuki, along with Saryut, goes missing. They have been captured by the real Nightmare and he makes them do a little treasure hunt before they can escape his clutches. Meanwhile the rest of the boys, including Suku, try to track them down, and save them. But past actions make a reappearance.

We also have a side story of Sakura having to protect a Prince with the help of his shady bodyguard. And they also end up being connected to the main plot.

*

Entering SPOILER TERRITORY!

*This is a huge series so I don’t recommend you jump into this one without scene the previous work from it*

Spoiler Story

So Itsuki and Saryut wake up in Nightmare’s Lair and they are trapped inside with a bunch of people who, one way or another, want to take revenge on either Itsuki or Saryut. So they attempt to kill them but obviously our boys are more than capable and handle the entire situation on their own. But they keep one of them alive. However, Nightmare kills the man’s daughter for failing to kill Itsuki and Saryut and for siding with our boys. Itsuki and Saryut stop the man from committing suicide and persuade him that ‘you should take revenge on Nightmare because he’s the one that killed your daughter, not us.’ So Nightmare lets them move from room to room, but in each room is a hint or a scene that reminds Itsuki/Saryut of something terrible they’ve done in the past. And they cannot move onto the next room without facing what happened and explaining that terrible scene/situation.

While they are trying to get out of there, Sakura (on one side), and Suku & Doctor X (on the other side) are trying to find their boys. Eventually they find the same trail and the same hints, end up meeting up, and they momentarily join forces so they can get their boys back.

We also have this Prince who Hinamori and Kogura are in charge of protecting a prince, but after being caught transporting the Prince to safety, shots are fired and the Prince runs away, even leaving his bodyguard behind. Turns out the Prince is also wanting revenge of Itsuki (for killing/assassinating his father) and that Nightmare had invited him to watch their stream (of them going through the rooms), and he eventually makes his way to the location of the boys.

In a horrible twist though, when Saryut and Itsuki make it to the last room, they’re both knocked out. Saryut knocks of Itsuki after making a deal with Nightmare behind Itsuki’s back. And Saryut is then knocked out by Nightmare. When the Prince makes it to the location, he revenge shoots Itsuki (who has a bag over his head), but turns out it was his bodyguard who Nightmare had wrapped in Itsuki’s clothing and put a bag over. Nightmare enjoys that fact that he tricked the Prince to kill his only true friend and is reveling in the fact that the Prince has now actually fall into a Real Nightmare (the entire theme of the movie is that death is not the nightmare, living is the real nightmare).

Itsuki wakes up after being knocked out and Nightmare reveals himself. He was actually the guy they decided not to kill right at the very beginning! He just pretended to be someone else. Itsuki wants to know why. Nightmare reveals that he is actually the Prince’s older brother, and that when Itsuki killed their father, their father actually had all his child heirs and child relatives locked up; with his dying breath their father had hit a switch that gassed and killed all the children. Nightmare’s daughter was one of them. So he wanted revenge on Itsuki.

Although Itsuki does blame himself for all those children dying (and still has PTSD/nightmares/flashbacks from it), it’s actually revealed that the father/King was using the children for his own sick experiments --> he wanted to create people who couldn’t feel any pain (turns out Saryut’s group was helping to conduct those experiments). And when Itsuki found the King, he actually decided not to shoot because the King was threatening to turn the switch on (to gas the children) if Itsuki did shoot. But the guards in the palace came bombarding in and one of those gun shots hits the King. So as a last ‘I will not go down alone’ sick selfish way, he pressed the switched and killed them all. 

However, it is very important to note that only the audience knows the truth. Itsuki never reveals to Nightmare, to Saryut, nor to anyone what really happened. He just purely and honestly feels it was his fault all those children died.

So now that Nightmare has Itsuki alone, and Nightmare himself was one of the past experiments (and successful) who can feel no pain, he asks Itsuki to fight him til one of them dies. Unfortunately, Nightmare gets the upper hand because of his lack of feeling, and just before he shoots Itsuki flat in the face, Ariga walks in!

Ariga literally woke up, quickly found out what happened, and got his ass over to save Itsuki! Together they kill Nightmare and walk away, with 2 or 3 bullets in them each xD but thank god they survived!

Suku also finds Saryut in the very first room Itsuki/Saryut woke up in and helps him out. Saryut asks why someone like Suku wanted to help save him, claiming that Suku usually doesn’t care for anyone else. Suku replies ‘because it would be so boring without you,’ and they leave.

That’s all the main points!!

Comments

☆ I absolutely loved the plot of this story! I loved all the twists! I absolutely loved this trapped building/room theme! I absolutely LOVED the twist with the Nightmare reveal, switching Itsuki for his bodyguard, the Prince shooting his bodyguard, Ariga running in at the last final minute. Every single reveal was amazing and I was just like ‘OMG!!!’

☆ I absolutely loved how Hinamori and Kogure’s friendship and trust grew! There were so many scenes and moments in this movie that they kept hidden from Ichijima! They were both like ‘lets not tell Ichijima,’ many times. Their friendship is getting so good!

☆ I absolutely loved seeing this vulnerable side of Suku. He’s trying not to care for Saryut but it’s so obvious that he does care! Even Doctor X says ‘it’s unlike you to care about/trying to find someone,’ and he always claims ‘I’d be bored if he wasn’t around’ or something like that but YOU CARE! YOU CARE!!!

☆ There’s a scene where Hina and Kogure are in a dark piping room, and I just saw the sexual tension go everywhere!! There’s one moment 

☆ Unfortunately, I figured out straight away who Nightmare was. But this was from pure luck and pure random thoughts. Because you don’t hire Namioka Kazuki for a simple role! He never has a simple role! He is such a popular and well known actor! As soon as he popped up as this ‘poor guy wanting revenge’, my brain instantly went ‘Namioka never plays small roles. He always has a main role. He always plays a bad guy too,’ so when it’s revealed that he’s Nightmare, I was like ‘I KNEW IT!!’

☆ I adored the opening scene where we had a badass female murdering some mad scientist. It did give many fangirls hope that we were going to have a badass female (finally) in Messiah. But alas she ends up committing suicide in the end, and Hina and Kogure find her body.

☆ I love, love, love that they kept the bathroom for this movie too! We still have HQ at the bathhouse! And we still had some bathhouse scenes! There is a hilarious bathhouse scene with Kuroko, Ichijima and the bodyguard, Kuromatsu, just after they catch Kuromatsu betraying his prince somewhat. And Ichijima is not impressed and has this ‘-___-’ expression on his face while Kuromatsu is trying to defend himself. Also Kuroko splashes water in this scene and Ichi doesn’t flinch at all! I was giggling so hard at this scene! Also, while I don’t particularly like Ichi, I have to admit that the actor has kept his body in amazing shape! His chest and torso looked so damn good in that scene!!!! I was dying xD

☆ Apparently the Prince and the Bodyguard are going to stay in the series. But so far, I think they’ve had a lukewarm welcome. The Prince is a totally dick to his bodyguard, but all of a sudden cares for him at the end, and the bodyguard was very cold towards the Prince; for most of the film, he said ‘it’s just business’ but then he tries to save the Prince? So right now what we know about them is not much, and it’s also very all over the place. So we’ll see...

☆ I absolutely adored some of the action scenes in this! I think the first fighting scene (Saryut and Itsuki VS the revengers), and the final scene with Itsuki/Ariga and Nightmare were very well shot!!

☆ I also, as I always do, loved the opening theme song and sequence!! I absolutely adored the colours and effects that they used this time around! 

☆ There are many moments in this movie where Itsuki and Saryut have to face what they and what their group have done to people. And I absolutely loved how both of them felt justified in their actions but where then condemning the other’s actions. There’s a beautiful moment/line from Saryut (to Itsuki) where he says ‘just because you were told to (do it), you think you’re in the right (for your actions)’ and it was a really powerful line and moment.

☆ I thought this one was such a good, high quality production. The colouring was great, the cinematography was great, the effects were great, the fighting scenes were great, some of the dialogue was gold. I thought this was probably the best produced Messiah movie we’ve had! Everything aesthetically pleased me!

☆ Speaking of effects!! Fucking Hinamori is BADASS. His very first scene is him and Kogure trying to meet the Prince and get him to safety but obviously terrorists turn up, and there’s also a sniper of a far off building. But Hinamori can find/see where the sniper is, so every time the snipe took a shot, Hinamori moved ever so slightly and DODGED the bullet! EVERY TIME he so easily and so smoothly DODGED the bullets! I absolutely LOVED this moment! I also loved his posture and body language as he dodged the bullets. Hina looked so fucking kool!!

☆ There’s another comedy gold scene, where Ichijima suggests something (not so nice), and Kuroko immediately got his green plastic slipper out and smacked Ichi over the head! Ichi’s hair spiked up but Ichi kept him ‘-_____-’ face and continued his lines. I was dying of laughter.

☆ Another adorable scene was right at the very end as Itsuki and Ariga walk/limp out, after killing Nightmare, and Itsuki had a very emotional moment towards the end and was in tears. So as they walked out, Ariga was like ‘by the way.... why are you crying?’ and Itsuki’s like ‘I ain’t crying!’ and it was such an adorable moment that I couldn’t help but giggle in happiness and amusement xD

☆ As I hadn’t seen the previous stage, it was so weird for me to see Kuroko as the leader and in Ichijima’s leader coat!

☆ Upon my first viewing, I had no idea Ruka (the Prince) was MALE until he took his turban off! He has very girly features that I thought for the first 30 minutes or so that he was actually a girl!! I was so surprise, I was like ‘a-WAH?!’ xD

☆ Ichi is still keeping secrets in this movie. Throughout there is a card with an ‘S’ on it, but even when Kuroko asks, Ichi just says ‘now isn’t the right time for people to know.’ UGHHHH fuck you Ichi!!!

☆ Towards the beginning of the movie, Itsuki has a dream where Ariga betrays him and points a gun to him and pulls the trigger. I was losing my shit in my seat the first time around!!

FanFic Ideas!

Me and my friend had so many dang fanfic ideas going around while watching this!! But the main two I had:

☆ There is a scene where Hina and Kogure are in a dark, pipping area, and Kogure lightly comments ‘I hope Itsuki is okay...’, and I was immediately thinking ‘Hina get angry! Ask ‘Itsuki? What about me?’ and kiss him!!!’. They were SUPER close during that scene too. Also this scene is split into two parts in the movie; the first part, it’s still day time, but when we come back to this scene, it’s night, and my brain was like ‘I bet I can guess how they passed the time there mwahahaha’ xD

☆ Another scene is when Suku first finds out Saryut has been taken and is trying to find out where he is. Doctor X comments ‘it’s not like you to care about someone else’ and my brain was like ‘ARGHHHH THEY LOVE EACH OTHER!!!’. AND at the end when Saryut is like ‘why did you come and save me?’ and Suku replies ‘it’d be boring without you’, I was DYING in my seat!! ARGH!!!!

*

And that’s all! I’m super excited for the dvd and I hope many of you get a chance to watch this movie! It was great!

[gosh-mr-big-brain]

i was prepared to love you (just a funeral wake)

Read on AO3

Summary: In which Arthur is a firefighter, Merlin is housemates with Gwaine, and the pining is endless. They try to get it together though, even if it looks like the universe doesn't want them to. (Somehow both a firefighter and a coffee shop AU)

Warning: Major Character Death

---

Arthur, regardless of what he may think of himself, could have a difficult time connecting with other people (likely due to the early death of his mother and his raising by a cold and distant father). Even on his best days, Arthur had been told (usually, relentlessly, by Morgana) that he could be a bit of a prick. On his worst days, even Arthur could admit that he behaved nothing short of an absolute nightmare. 

It was on one of those worse days that he had met Merlin for the first time. 

All Arthur wanted to do was go home, to shower off the horrible night he had just had and sleep for the entirety of his four days off. He had just finished working a twelve hour night shift and he was tired and on edge. It had been a long night and there had been an out-of-control fire where not everyone had made it out alive. It hadn’t been anyone’s fault, really - it was just the result of a fire that moved a bit too fast and shoddy infrastructure - but Arthur had always had a bit of a responsibility complex and couldn’t stop himself from wondering whether he could have saved that young man if he had been a bit faster, a bit braver, if he had tried a different strategy, if, if, if… 

Needless to say, he was a bit distracted as he began to make his way out of the station, his wonderings and regrets wreaking havoc on his already exhausted mind. He hardly even noticed when a grinning, dark haired bloke came up to him, saying something in a cheery voice that Arthur didn’t hear and didn’t really care to. 

That constant repetition of if, if, if, was still stuttering through his head, but Arthur stopped dead in his tracks when he felt a friendly hand on his arm. “What?” he snapped. He hadn’t meant for the question to come out so angry and boorish but it was already out there and Arthur didn’t have nearly enough energy to apologise and correct himself.

He turned to see the dark haired bloke narrow his eyes and retract his hand as if he had been burned. “Wow. You don’t have to be such an ass,” he retorted. “It was just a question.”

To be fair, Arthur hadn’t heard the original question, but he certainly couldn’t backtrack now. Well, if he were a different person he might have been able to, but Arthur was… Arthur (as Morgana usually sighed, sharing a pitying glance with Gwen). And, even though he was exhausted and those if’s were still playing in the back of his mind, similar to the background music in a particularly horrible film, he still had enough awareness and pride to not let that (well-deserved, he would admit later) insult slide. 

“Excuse me?”

“I said,” the man began, speaking as though he were explaining something to an extremely slow child, “you don’t have to be such a fucking ass.”

“You shouldn’t talk to me like that,” Arthur warned in what he believed to be a dangerous tone and, even though he was certainly all bark and no bite at this point, took a small step forward. “I could take you apart with one blow.” 

And, at first glance at least, he certainly should have been able to. The man was tall, although only slightly taller than Arthur was, and looked relatively wiry. However, he also had the air of a scrappy street urchin that was still a few hearty meals and a good night’s sleep from reaching proper fighting conditions, no matter how ready he claimed to be. Not to mention, Arthur was quite certain that this man had never fought anyone in his entire life, if the nervous energy that was already exuding from him was anything to go by. 

Arthur also had a bit of an ego and he found it frankly ridiculous and a little embarrassing to think that just anyone could beat him in a fight- especially, this bloke. 

Speaking of the devil, he took a step forward as well. “Are you threatening me? Well, I’ll have you know that I could take you apart with less than that.”

“Would you like to put that to the test?”

You know what? Maybe we should-”

“Merlin!” And then Gwaine was rushing towards them, his grin, as large and roguish as usual, only dropping for a second when he noticed the tense looks on their faces, before coming back full force (albeit a bit placating). “Ah, I see you’ve met Arthur.”

“Looks like it,” Merlin (and what kind of rubbish name was that?) remarked in a surprisingly dismissive tone, his voice now completely devoid of any of its previous anger. He looked Arthur over with one last searing glare before turning his full attention to Gwaine. “You forgot your breakfast.”

And that was that. Arthur went home, fumed for approximately twenty minutes and then slept for a solid twelve hours. When he finally woke up to the irritating buzzing of his cell phone, he had the decency to feel a little guilty and a lot embarrassed about the whole ugly affair (although not guilty enough to do something about it at that very moment). Perhaps, he pondered, as he answered Morgana’s call, he would ask Gwaine to send along his apologies or write some horribly awkward letter for Gwaine to give to Merlin. Yes, Arthur thought, smiling slightly to himself, something to show this Merlin bloke that he wasn’t as much of an ass as he appeared to be at first glance. 

As Morgana chattered away at him over the phone, apparently having heard about last night’s disaster (no doubt from Leon or Elyan who would have relayed the information to Gwen) and attempting to distract him from the guilty thoughts that would usually have been haunting him, Arthur realized that all those if’s that had been plaguing him earlier that day, had vanished. He still felt a bit heartsick over the whole event and would likely feel like that for quite a while after, but his mind was clear. 

He wasn’t quite sure how, but he certainly was complaining.

---

Arthur was grabbing coffee in preparation for his next shift when he heard a familiar voice, that he couldn’t quite place, blurt out from behind him, “Oh fuck, it’s you.”

For a moment, Arthur didn’t think anything of it. He wasn’t even entirely sure that the comment had been meant for him; as awful as he could be sometimes, it wasn’t typical for him to illicit that reaction from people. But then he saw the look that Gaius, the owner of the shop and the man who was currently running the counter, was giving him (his patented raised eyebrow of despair, which Arthur had only had the misfortune of receiving, full force, on two other occasions) and figured that, whether it was meant for him or not, he should probably figure out what was going on. 

Arthur turned around, half expecting to watch some dramatic scene play out between two people who were certainly not him. However, it wasn’t one half of a feuding couple or a footballer who had just seen a member of their rival team who had blurted that out, but Merlin. 

He was standing right behind him, arms crossed tightly across his chest and eyes narrowed. Arthur began to realize that, perhaps, that comment actually was meant for him. 

He flushed a little, remembering how he behaved Monday morning, but otherwise maintained his composure. “Hello,” Arthur said, priding himself on the lack of awkwardness in his voice, despite the clearly awkward situation. 

“Hi.”

“Er…” Arthur moved up in line as Gaius finished serving a customer and they left to go sit down. “I’m sorry about how I behaved the other day. I… I wasn’t exactly at my best but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.” And there it was. An apology. It might have sounded a bit stiff but Arthur was proud of himself- this sort of thing didn’t come very easily to him. 

Merlin blinked at him. Once, twice. “Apology accepted,” he replied, his voice rising slightly in pitch towards the end, as if he were asking a question. He furrowed his brow and tilted his head to the side looking, almost, surprised, but didn’t say anything else. 

“No need to look so shocked!” Arthur huffed, feeling a bit insulted. “I’m not so uncivilized that I can’t apologize when I’m so clearly in the wrong.”

“To be fair-” Merlin lowered his arms to his side, his stance becoming much more open and friendly, “- you certainly didn’t seem like the apologizing sort when we met.”

“Yes, well, like I said. I wasn’t exactly at my best on Monday.”

Merlin went quiet for a moment before cocking his head to the side and asking, “Why not?”

Fortunately, as Arthur contemplated how on earth he was supposed to answer that, Gaius caught his attention with a sharp pronunciation of his name and an odd flapping gesture, indicating that it was his turn to order. He breathed a sigh of relief and made his way to the counter. 

He quickly relayed his usual order to Gaius and, after only a moment of consideration, he added, “And I’ll pay for the drink of the bloke behind me as well.”

Arthur wasn’t sure whether it was more pleasing or disheartening to see Gaius’s eyebrow of despair disappear as he looked at Arthur in surprise. “You’re buying a drink. For Merlin,” Gaius repeated in a tone so lost and bewildered that Arthur nearly lost it right then and there (It also appeared that Gaius knew Merlin. Arthur stored that information away, somewhere, even though he wasn’t quite sure why). 

He ignored Merlin’s outburst of, “Sorry, you’re doing what?” and instead responded, “You don’t have to look as if you’re going to collapse in shock, Gaius. I do believe that I can be a decent person every now and then.”

And now Gaius was smirking at him which may, in fact, be worse than either the eyebrow or the surprise. “Of course you can, Arthur. I never meant to imply otherwise.”

Meanwhile, Merlin was still sputtering uselessly behind them. “I can pay for my own drink!”

Arthur looked at him, appraisingly, over his shoulder and said, “I’m sure you can. But it’s an apology and a gift. Don’t be an idiot- just take it.”

“Well, since you asked so nicely…” Merlin glared at him but didn’t protest any further. 

Arthur turned back to Gaius feeling rather smug. “Well, now that that’s settled, I’d like to pay.”

The conversation died out after that but Arthur could still feel Merlin’s gaze, sharp and curious, burning into the back of his head as Gaius rang up what must have been Merlin’s usual order and Arthur paid. However, Merlin didn’t say anything until Arthur had his coffee safely in hand and was turning to leave. 

“Thank you,” he blurted, swivelling around to look at Arthur, his eyes softer than they were before. He paused as Arthur stared back at him, almost as if he were going to say something else but then he just shook his head good naturedly and repeated, “Thank you.”

Arthur smiled at him, small and a bit insecure, before waving his coffee free hand dismissively. “It was the least I could do.”

And then he left for his shift. But the grin Merlin sent him in return was a constant presence in the back of his mind for the rest of the day. 

---

Merlin was at the coffee shop when Arthur returned the next day, sitting at one of the dozen small tables, reading a thin paperback. Arthur stared at him for a moment after he entered, unsure of whether he should say hello, just go and order, or leave and come back later, preferably when Merlin wasn’t there (which was the option he was leaning towards). It wasn’t that he was so aversed to having another conversation, if you can call them that, with him- it was more so that their conversations only had a 50% success rate so far and Arthur certainly didn’t want to force himself on Merlin, especially after the disaster that was their first interaction. 

However, the decision was made for him when Merlin’s eyes flickered up from his book and immediately met Arthur’s. There were a few moments of unsure silence, where Arthur stood frozen and uncomfortable at the entrance of the coffee shop. He was debating whether or not he should just bolt when Merlin, likely surprising both of them, smiled at him and gestured him over. And, now that escape was clearly off the table, Arthur went. 

“Fancy meeting you here,” Merlin greeted, dog-earing the page of the book he was on. Arthur almost instantly regretted coming over. 

“Yes, well, I could say the same thing about you,” Arthur replied, in a painfully casual tone. Somehow, he refrained from cringing at himself. “I haven’t exactly seen you around the shop before.”

Merlin just shrugged and grinned upwards at Arthur. “Well, I haven’t had the opportunity before. I only recently moved here and Gaius is my uncle, so I thought that I should probably give this place a chance. Turns out his coffee is decent- much better than his stew at least!” The volume of his voice rose towards the end, probably so that it would carry to Gaius, who was working the counter again. 

“I heard that Merlin!” Gaius called out, confirming Arthur’s theory. “Stop slandering me and my cooking before I stop enabling your caffeine addiction.”

Merlin only shook his head, his smile widening at the sound of his uncle’s loud, but clearly empty, threats. He turned to look at Arthur, who was then forced to deal with the full force of Merlin’s smile entirely on him. Arthur was willing to bear that particular burden, but he chose to ignore the fact that it was doing strange things to his insides. 

“He’s lying,” Merlin confided quietly, his expression, perhaps an awful attempt at mock-seriousness, looking more amused than anything else. He leaned across the table towards Arthur. “Gaius is too much of a pushover to ever deny me my coffee.”

And perhaps this was worse, Arthur thought, in a bit of a daze. Merlin was looking at him with eyes so wide and so blue (his eyes were blue- the part of him that was still functioning stored that fact away, along with the information that Gaius was Merlin’s uncle) and the light from the window was hitting him in such a way that he looked ethereal. Otherworldly. He could feel the odd fluttering in his stomach increase tenfold. Yes, perhaps this was much, much worse. 

He managed to shake himself out of it (placing that moment in a box that he wouldn’t dare touch for, well, ever) before the staring got too awkward. “Um, yes, well,” Arthur stammered, wincing at how he had suddenly forgotten how to function. “I’m nearly running late so I should probably go and order but… But I’ll see you around, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Merlin smiled, in a manner that was almost fond, nodding his head in agreement. “It was nice to see you again, Arthur.”

“It was nice to see you too, Merlin.” And before he had the chance to spontaneously combust and cause an awful scene, Arthur left to go order his coffee. He could feel Merlin’s eyes on him the whole time but when he finally looked over, the moment before he left, Merlin was reading, suddenly seeming deeply engrossed in his book. 

---

Arthur arrived deliberately early when he returned to the coffee shop the following Wednesday, surprising Gaius who wasn’t expecting to see him on one of his day’s off. Arthur blustered through a vague excuse before ordering his usual coffee as well as a chocolate chip muffin. Afterwards he went over to where Merlin was already sitting, this time reading a brightly coloured hardcover. 

“Hello again.” Merlin greeted Arthur before he had even looked up from his book, as if he knew exactly who was standing across from him. This time, he slid a bookmark between the pages of his book and then smiled brightly at Arthur. “Do you want to sit down?”

“If I must,” Arthur replied, as if he hadn’t been waiting for Merlin to ask. 

Merlin rolled his eyes as if he knew it as well.

--- 

That night, Arthur had his usual weekly dinner with his sister and Gwen. If they found his constant smiling and distracted demeanor a bit odd, they didn’t say anything about it (although they did share many fond grins at his expense, which Arthur couldn’t be bothered to notice). 

---

Somehow, it became a routine, the two of them meeting for coffee whenever Arthur had a day-shift and, occasionally, when he didn’t. Somehow, despite their undeniably rocky start, they became friends of a sort. 

It was strange. At first glance, the pair of them weren’t what one could call similar. How they were raised (both by single parents, but one a loving mother and the other a distant father), the friendships they cultivated (Arthur had a bit of trouble with that practice while Merlin seemingly had no trouble at all), even the career paths they chose (Arthur had nearly laughed he found out that Merlin was an English teacher but Merlin stopped him with one sharp look), were, quite literally, opposites. 

You had to look deeper, however. Past the surface differences, the ones that seemed and, occasionally, felt insurmountable. Because, as Arthur discovered through their frequent coffee… meet-ups (not dates, never dates, although he wasn’t entirely sure why he felt the need to clarify that) those weren’t the things that mattered. 

What mattered was the embarrassed sympathy that Merlin wore when Arthur told him about meeting Gwen, falling in love with her in the span of two hours, and then realizing that she only had eyes for Morgana. The soft surprise on his face when he and Arthur unexpectedly agreed on a topic very close to both of their hearts. The anger in his eyes, turning them to blue fire, when Arthur finally told him about his father, about the childhood he had to endure. 

What mattered was the way Arthur felt he personally knew Merlin’s mother from the amount of stories he had heard. How, despite only ever meeting at the coffee shop, they had accumulated more inside jokes than Arthur had had with anybody besides, perhaps, Morgana. 

What mattered was the jealousy that Arthur felt squeezing his heart when Merlin told him a story about Freya, one of the only people on the planet to have had his heart, in the romantic sense. 

What mattered was the way Gaius smiled fondly at the two of them when he thought they couldn’t see and spouted vague, meaningless threats at Arthur from time to time. 

What mattered was that Arthur, against all the voices in his head (his father’s the loudest) telling him not to, could feel himself falling in love with Merlin.

He didn’t exactly feel taken aback by this revelation, though. Or so he claimed, despite nearly dropping his coffee and spilling it all over himself when the thought first came to him. But, once he had had time to think about and dissect his feelings, he realized that it had probably been a long time coming. Perhaps from the moment Arthur had decided to interact with Merlin, without being prompted to or feeling any civic duty. Or, maybe, when Arthur had bought Merlin’s coffee for him, in apology, something he had never thought to do before. Perhaps he’d had this feeling from the very moment he laid eyes on Merlin. Or, maybe, he had been brought into the world loving him. Regardless, he understood it now and there was certainly no going back.

Even if Arthur couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it. 

Now, despite what Morgana would say (as she is, undoubtedly, a lying liar who lies) Arthur does not pine. He does not hesitate. He is, and has always been, a man of action; that’s what led him to becoming a firefighter. However, he is also, at his very core, a cautious person. He likes to think things through, plan things out, so that he, and the people around him, would not get hurt. 

Or, at least, that’s the excuse he used when days and then weeks went by and Arthur still hadn’t told Merlin how he felt.   

Arthur had no idea what it was that made the words die in his lips the moment he had an opening. On such occasions, their conversation would have petered out for a moment and one or both of them would take a sip of their coffee, lukewarm by the time they finally got to it. Then, Merlin would look at Arthur, his eyes friendly and warm and looking, there was no other word to describe it, like home. Arthur would open his mouth to speak, to confess his secret feelings or to ask Merlin out on an actual date (either or both, it didn’t really matter), but then- but then he would freeze. He would flush and look away and Merlin would get this endearingly confused expression but, by then, the moment would have passed and Arthur was right back where he started. 

Maybe he was simply scared of ruining one of the few good relationships he had in his life. Maybe he was so terrified that Merlin would say no, that he would be rejected once again, that he felt it was better for him to say nothing at all. Maybe his subconscious thought that they were better off as friends. Whatever the reason, Arthur always went into that coffee shop thinking, today will be the day, but, without fail, he always left it, reminding himself that there was always tomorrow. 

(But if Morgana had to suffer through one more dinner with her brother sighing sadly and staring, his expression almost heartbroken, at her and Gwen’s joined hands, then she was going to lose it. And if he was pining after another Sophia type, no matter what Gwen said, she was going to kill him.)

---

Tomorrow arrived eleven months, three weeks and two days after they had first met. However, it wasn’t Arthur who initiated it. 

They were in line together, waiting to order, and bickering back and forth about who was buying the coffee. Arthur had offered to do so (partly because he thought it could be the beginning of a slow-acting plan to woo Merlin and partly because he just wanted to) but Merlin was insisting that if anyone was going to pay, he should since he still needed to get Arthur back for paying for his coffee when he was short a few weeks back (and he phrased it exactly like that; as if he needed to get revenge on Arthur for being a decent human being). Arthur rolled his eyes in a fashion that, these days, he seemed to have reserved solely for Merlin and told him to stop being an idiot, that this was a gift and he should just take it. 

Suddenly, he was reminded of the first time he had bought coffee for Merlin, as an apology for being such an ass to him at the station. He met Merlin’s gaze only to find him looking right back at him, eyes soft, as if he were thinking of the exact same thing. They stared at each other for a moment and then… 

And then he kissed Arthur. 

Arthur was so taken aback that, for a moment, he was completely unable to respond. However, Merlin seemed to understand that kissing him had shut down a very important part of Arthur’s brain and simply pulled him a bit closer, smiling.

It took Arthur a beat longer to gather his thoughts and understand that, yes, Merlin was kissing him and oh, he should probably kiss back. Given that he had been waiting for this for, what felt like, his entire life, Arthur felt that he deserved it. Merlin, on his own, was a phenomenal kisser however, actively participating did do something to enhance the experience a bit. 

Enough so that, once Merlin had broken the kiss, all Arthur could do was stare at him with what he was sure was awe-filled eyes. I took him well over a minute to recover and, even after all that time, all Arthur could muster was a blurted, “What was that for?”

Merlin only laughed and smiled fondly back at him. “Well,” he began, taking a small step backwards and Arthur nearly found himself following after him. “The main reason was that I’ve been wanting to do that for the last eleven months, but it also-” he reached around Arthur, who suddenly noticed the crumpled notes clenched in his hand (enough to pay for both of their usual orders), and slammed them down on the counter in front of Gaius, “- worked as a fantastic distraction.” 

Arthur huffed out a surprised laugh, still staring at Merlin. “You- you clotpole!” he accused, more amused than upset. 

“Hey, that’s my word!”

“Well, it suits you perfectly at the moment.”

Merlin just grinned, shrugging his shoulders as if to say, you’ve caught me. 

“I’ll get you back for that, you know,” Arthur threatened, attempting to glare at Merlin so that he would seem less besotted than he clearly was (he was almost certain that it didn’t work). 

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes.”

“And what’ll you do?”

Arthur gave up trying to look angry and simply smiled instead, reaching out to grab Merlin’s hand. “I’m going to take you on the best date ever planned.”

Merlin snorted, likely going for disbelieving but still managing to sound fond. “Will you?”

“Oh yes. The best date; I promise you,” Arthur whispered, squeezing his hand tightly in his own. 

---

Arthur was humming to himself when he went out to dinner with Morgana and Gwen the next night. Actually humming. Arthur never hummed (not even when he was with Sophia)! He simply wasn’t that sort of person. He also was no longer staring longingly at their joined hands like a lovesick wife waiting for her husband to return from war. Something was definitely up, but he seemed happy and Morgana didn’t have the heart to (and Gwen had forced her not to) push the matter with her relentless interrogations. 

She’d find out eventually, of course, but it would have to wait until next week. For now, she and Gwen just enjoyed the sight of Arthur smiling and smiled with him. 

---

A few days later, Arthur found himself at the station working a night shift despite it being one of his days off. Leon had asked him to cover him while he spent the night at the hospital with his wife, Mithian, who was giving birth and Arthur, still on a high from being kissed by Merlin, willingly agreed. Thankfully, so far, it had been a quiet night- Arthur had gotten some paperwork done, beaten Elyan in ping-pong and was currently planning his date with Merlin. 

That’s when it all went to hell, of course. 

Gwaine rushed into the room, half dressed in his uniform, his eyes wild and face ashen. 

“We have to go,” he snapped, grabbing Arthur’s arm and pulling him out of his chair. “One of my neighbours called- the house is on fire and- and they think that somebody’s still inside.”

For a long moment, Arthur found that he had no idea what Gwaine was talking about. His mind was running a bit behind after several hours of inaction. Then it all hit him, so hard that he could feel his heart actually stop. Fear deadened his arms and legs until Gwaine couldn’t pull him any further. “Merlin,” he finally managed to choke out as his friend (because they were friends now, they had to be) tried to shake him out of his stupor. “Is he-”

Gwaine squeezed his eyes shut as he nodded his head, almost as if he didn’t want to see Arthur’s reaction. “They think so.”

Those three words were enough to basically shut Arthur’s brain down. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t breath, he couldn’t think. He almost felt like he had after Merlin had kissed him in the coffee shop (and, god, was that only a few days ago?), barely able to function, but somehow the polar opposite as well. Because when Merlin had kissed him Arthur had felt nothing but joy and an overwhelming fondness. Now he just felt an all encompassing fear. 

However, it was that association, that memory, that brought him back to the present. 

Letting out a shaky breath, Arthur clasped Gwaine’s shoulder tightly. “Alright, let’s go.”

---

The scene, when Arthur and Gwaine finally arrived, did not look good. The flames were high and spreading fast, quickly eating away at the infrastructure of the house. It was only a matter of time (and an incredibly short matter of time, at that) before the building began to collapse, even with a team of firefighters working to put out the fire. Fortunately, from what Gwaine had told him, if Merlin was asleep, his room was on the opposite side of the house from where the fire had started. Unfortunately, the smoke was already abundant and choking them, even though they weren’t actually in the house. There was no telling how bad it was in Merlin’s room or how badly it must be affecting him. 

“I’m going in,” Arthur told Gwaine, unwilling to wait any longer. 

“Not a chance, princess.” Gwaine stopped him with a tight pull at his shoulder. “I know the house better than you. It’ll be better if I go.”

And that was probably true. No doubt, Arthur would waste too much time trying to find Merlin’s room and end up killing both of them in the process. But he wouldn’t just stand by watching. He gritted his teeth and glared back at Gwaine. “Fine, but I’m still coming with you.”

Gwaine flashed him a quick, nervous smile, only a shadow of what it usually was, and said, “I didn’t doubt you would. Now let’s go save our damsel, shall we?”

---

They managed to get in through a side door, which was still a good distance away from the fire was currently raging. The smoke, however, was heavy and thick, which worried Arthur immensely. He and Gwaine were wearing their SCBA’s but Merlin didn’t exactly have the option. He brushed that thought away; they’d just have to get him out of there as soon as possible. 

He followed Gwaine through the house, too nervous preoccupied to take in the sights, although even if he wanted to, it would have been too difficult with all of the smoke. Every few seconds, the house would creek ominously. They were running out of time. 

Gwaine captured his attention by pounding on a door and tilting his head significantly. It must be Merlin’s room. At least the door is closed, Arthur thought to himself, although that didn’t really make him feel any better. 

Gwaine shoved open the door, always too dramatic for his own good, and Arthur ran inside, his eyes immediately searching for Merlin through the smoke filled room. And then he spotted him, seemingly asleep on his bed. He was curled up on his side and looked so small that, for a second, Arthur forgot how to function. But then Gwaine shoved against his shoulder good naturedly and Arthur remembered how dire the situation was. He ran towards the bed. 

Merlin didn’t wake as Arthur gathered him into his arms, in a bridle carry that he knew Gwaine would tease them both about once enough time had passed. Because enough time would eventually pass. They would be fine, Merlin would be fine. 

They made their way, quickly, out of the house. 

---

They were in the ambulance on the way to the nearest hospital, and the vehicle was filled with a nervous silence. Two paramedics (Lance and Percival, they might have said, although Arthur wasn’t in the right state of mind to remember) were sitting quietly, apparently having done all that they could for now. Gwaine was tapping his fingers, incessantly, on the metal bench that they were all sitting on and Arthur wanted to snap at him but he couldn’t bring himself to. 

Halfway through the ride, Arthur found himself kneeling next to Merlin’s stretcher, clutching his hand in his own. He needed some reassurance that Merlin was still alive and even though he looked like death (he was even more unnaturally pale than normal) and sounded a bit like it too (his breathing rattled in a way that couldn’t possibly be healthy) Arthur could feel Merlin’s faint pulse at his wrist. And, for now, that was enough. 

---

The paramedic that Arthur thinks is named Lance tells them that Merlin inhaled a lot of smoke. He might pull through but he might not, only time will tell. Lance smiles sadly at them when he says this but Arthur has his eyes focused on Merlin and doesn’t notice. 

---

Later in the hospital room as he waited for Gwaine to return with some shitty hospital coffee, which would be nowhere as good as Gaius’, Arthur paced back and forth, trying to think of something other than the man on the bed before him. It was a lost cause, however, because Arthur hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Merlin since… well, since the day that they had first met. 

Giving up on trying to walk himself into either distraction of exhaustion (whichever came first), Arthur sat down on the rickety, metal chair next to Merlin’s bed. He leaned forward, so close that his breath made Merlin’s hair dance across his forehead. From this angle, Arthur could pretend that Merlin was okay- that he hadn’t just gone through a traumatic fire and that his survival still wasn’t certain. With that thought in mind, he began to speak. 

“I need you to wake up,” he whispered, his voice low and hoarse. “Because, if you don’t, I will never get the chance to take you on that date I promised, or introduce you to my sister or even kiss you a second time. If you don’t wake up-” Arthur paused here, his voice cracking ever so slightly. He sniffed, trying to maintain his composure, “- If you don’t, we will never get the chance to fall in love. And I really want to get the chance to fall in love with you, Merlin Emrys.”

---

Four hours later, Morgana got a call from her brother. She almost didn’t recognize his voice at first. Morgana had known Arthur for over twenty years but, not once, had she ever heard him so shattered, so close to tears. Not even after he finally stood up to Uther for the final time.

“Arthur?” Morgana’s voice was so soft, so hesitant, that Gwen glanced over at her from the closet, where she was currently getting dressed, her curiosity and worry both piqued. “What’s happened?”

“Morgana-” Arthur whispered, in a voice so wretched that Morgana could very nearly feel his pain as well. He began to cry and Morgana, sat, helpless, on the other end of the line, unable to do anything to help her little brother. 

As she would later find out, prior to him making that call, Merlin had died with Arthur holding one hand and Gwaine holding the other. 

---

On the days when Arthur felt most angry at the world, he thought that, maybe, he and Merlin had never been supposed to meet and, when they hadn’t gotten the memo, the universe had decided to do something about it. 

On most days, though, Arthur felt so very lucky. Because, even though a world where he had loved and lost Merlin was painful, a world where he had never met him at all was much, much worse.