#And I already lost Chaz

[helluvashitposter]

Seeing people foam at the mouth wanting Striker to die is low-key terrifying. Out of all the one off bastards we got, I think he's one of the coolest, not to mention he's just doing his job! How did this cowboy go from being so loved in the fandom to folks now wanting him splattered more than Crimson, like damn! 😭😭😭

I'd honestly want to get to see his character more, not see him get hit by a train in the second episode we get him in

[escapismblue]

grah I have such mixed feelings about the Twitter Takeovers. on one hand they can have genuinely good tidbits about characters or genuinely funny stuff but.

some of it is really they would not fucking say that.

[itsmarsss]

Scandalous [Blitzø x Fem!Succubus!Reader x Stolas] (Helluva Boss) Bonus - Friendless Horse-Fuckers And Their Sissy Lifestyles

How the mighty do fall. (Getting into a weird three-way situation with an imp and a succubus isn't exactly considered classy, Stolas)

If there's one thing all members of I.M.P. can agree on, it's their distaste for visits to the Greed ring.

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3 | pt. 4 | pt. 5 | pt. 6 | pt. 7 | pt. 8 | pt. 9

Warnings: this chapter does not interfere with the plot of the series. mentions of sex all around as usual, Chaz deserves a warning of his own cause hes annoyin, Crimson does too cause he's awful. This is basically just the exes and ohhs episode just for funsies. There's a hint somwhere out here of something important that will happen in a future chapter, i doubt yall can figure it out!!

Word count: 5,630

Business was low today. 

So much so that you, Moxxie and Loona had been hanging out in the meeting room, just on your phones, for almost an hour now, while Millie had gone out to get everybody lunch, and Blitzø was in his office doing who-the-fuck-knows-what. 

Moxxie turned off his phone, staring at Loona for a few seconds before speaking. “You know, I checked the scale today. It says I lost two pounds this week,” he boasted.

Loona looked up from the screen, only long enough to roll her eyes at him, uninterested. Now that had to be a new type of bored, as usually she wouldn’t miss any opportunity to irritate him by pestering about his weight, which you knew she and Blitzø only really did because they new it wasn’t a real issue- it just made him mad, and they found it hilarious to see him so exasperated. 

And it worked every time- this time she didn’t even having to say anything. “I. Am not. Fat!” 

The door was kicked open with full force, grabbing everyone’s attention, and Millie entered the room, fuming with anger. 

She walked back and forth around the room, each heavy step making it tremble, as she mumbled incoherent insults under her breath. She obviously needed to let out some steam, so you pulled up one of the human cardboard cutouts you used as targets for training for her, and, sure enough, she attacked it instantly, tearing it to shreds with her bare teeth and claws as she let out borderline animalistic shrieks.

Moxxie shot you a scared look, to which you shrugged, in a silent message of ‘she’s your wife, you talk to her’. He cleared his throat. “Millie, honey? Everything okay?”

She full-on hissed at him, but he wasn’t really bothered by it. She took a breath, giving herself a second to calm down and talk to him. “Yeah. I just… bumped into an ex.”

You and Loona immediately whipped your heads around to  see Moxxie’s reaction. He tried to seem cool.  “Oh! Ohh…”

Millie kept on complaining, her accent thicker than ever, like it always got when she got truly mad. “He just kept going on about how he has money now, and… a bright future! And a bigger cock!”

“Wait, what?” Moxxie questioned, clearly taken aback by the last statement. (Which was a pretty fair thing to be taken aback by.)

“Every time I see his stupid face I can’t help it, I just need to…” She let out a yell, angrily punching the closest thing to her. This time’s victim was the file cabinet beside her, which she took down with one punch, sending the contents of it flying out onto the floor.

Blitzø walked into the room, phone in hand. “What the fuck is all this noise? I got a client!”

“Sorry, sir, I’ll get this all cleaned-” Moxxie kneeled on the floor to collect the mess. “What is this?” He wordlessly held out a really disturbing picture of two imps… in horse costumes… kissing each other. In a rather… gross way. 

Blitzø was a freak, that you already knew all too well, but that doesn’t mean any of you wanted to see any of whatever this was. You made eye contact with Moxxie and pretended to gag, making him let out a laugh.

Blitzø walked up to him, grabbing the photo and taking a look at it. “Uhhh, it’s research. For science.” He let go of it, making his way back out of the room. “Put it back correctly, okay? I alphabetized ‘em.” 

Sometimes you’d find out about weird shit like this and wonder how it was possible you let this man fuck you every single month. Then the full moon would come around again and he’d shut you right up.

You kneeled on the floor next to Moxxie. “I’ll help you out.” Millie was still out of her mind and Loona didn’t really give a shit, so you and Moxxie began putting everything back in place by yourselves.

You barely had any time to do so, though, because in a minute Blitzø was running back into the room and straight towards the big window. “What the fuck is that?” He asked no one in particular, making you, Moxxie and Millie follow him to the window to see what he was talking about. There was a funny-looking helicopter outside, flying dangerously close to the wall-

There was no wall anymore. 

Really, this was getting ridiculous. How many more times would you have to pay to get this stupid wall rebuilt? 

Blitzø seemed to be thinking of the same thing. “Satan’s ass crack, enough with the walls! We have a door!” The wind sent most of Blitzø’s weird pictures flying outside, which you were kind of thankful for. He, in turn, hated it. “My research!”

“It’s not the end of the world, I’m sure you can get more freaky horse porn later.”

“Hey that’s not what that is!” He tried defending himself, crossing his arms over his chest.

The helicopter flew closer to the newly created enormous hole on the wall, extending out a ramp so you could make your way inside of it. “I.M.P.? Right this way, please,” the pilot called. 

You instinctively grabbed your dagger, and saw Millie and Moxxie pull their own weapons out as well. 

“Uh, sir… what’s going on?” Moxxie asked Blitzø, who simply dismissed the imp’s preoccupation with a wave of his hand. 

“Nah, don’t worry, it’s just some fancy schmuck from Greed wanting to do business with us,” the boss replied, climbing onto the ramp. Well, if he’s sure it’s okay. The three of you followed him, putting your weapons away.

Moxxie still seemed extremely unsure of the situation. “Uh, sir? I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“It’ll be fine. Now get your asses moving.”

All four of you climbed into the tiny space inside the helicopter. You sat next to Millie, who tried putting on the seatbelt, but realized it was broken. “Uuuuh, is this thing safe?” Taking a better look at it, there wasn’t anything in there that didn’t look much too used or somehow broken. 

“Don’t worry! We are professionals!” The pilot guaranteed. You shared a look with her- that hadn’t eased your worries at all. Anyhow, they took off, on your way to the Greed ring. Now that’s a ring you didn’t enjoy visiting all that much.

Moxxie voiced similar thoughts, but sounded much more than just irritated over it. “Ugh, I hate this place.”

“Oh, yeah! This is your old stomping ground, isn’t it?” Blitzø remembered.

“Yeah, unfortunately.” Moxxie looked out of the window, pointing somewhere down. “I grew up just over there. Swore I’d never come back, and- uhhhh… uhhh, what- what- where are we going?” Oh shit, you were flying precisely towards the place Moxxie had just pointed out. His expression went dark, almost… scared. “Blitz, who did you say this meeting was with?”

“I’m not sure. Just some rich somebody or other who wanted to discuss biz at his place.”

The helicopter finally landed, making Moxxie more exasperated than you’ve ever seen him. “Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!” He was literally trembling in fear. This was where he’d grown up, and he was clearly expecting something terrible. But then who could have been the one to call Blitzø up here?

An imp who look freakishly similar to Moxxie, save a few things here and there and the obvious difference in age, walked out of the front door. “There he is! There’s my boy. Get over here and give ya daddy a hug!”

“Daddy?” you, Millie and Blitzø all asked in unison, shocked. 

Oh. OH. This was bad, wasn’t it? Because it seemed really, really bad. 

None of you really knew anything about Moxxie’s family, as he never really did want to discuss any aspect of his past. You all respected that, letting him tell you only whatever he felt comfortable to. But you did know he did not like speaking about his father in any circumstance whatsoever, and never, ever visited. It wasn’t that difficult to fill in the gaps and realize the man probably sucked. And if he had to do all of this only to trick Moxxie into meeting with him it was certainly because he knew there was no way in hell Moxxie would have agreed if he was simply asked to.

Looking at Moxxie himself was confirmation enough, too. Eyes wide and mouth agape, hands curled into fists in either side of his body, and the slight tremble that still coursed through him, you’d say he looked equal parts pissed and terrified. That surely couldn’t be good. 

“I only let Moxxie call me that. Unless ya pay me!” The man laughed an exaggerated laugh.

“Guys, uhm,” Moxxie cleared his throat, visibly uncomfortable. “This is my father, Crimson. Sir, this is my boss, Blitz, my friend, y/n, and my-”

“Millie! I’m his wife!” Millie offered the man a handshake, eagerly introducing herself. 

He took her hand, kissing the back of it instead of shaking it. “And what a beautiful wife you are. Mox, where you been hiding this pretty little thang?”

Millie visibly cringed a bit, embarrassed that Moxxie’s father apparently didn’t even know he was married. “Oh, I’m sure he would have introduced us… eventually.”

“Oh, I’m sure, sweetheart,” he agreed before turning to you. “And you’re a… friend, then?” He checked you out, amused, but didn’t bother taking your hand. 

“Yup.”

“Must be a really trusting relationship the two of you have that you can be friends with this one, Mox.”

Millie looked stunned that he’d even say that, and Moxxie fumed at the out-of-line comment. You couldn’t form any words to reply.

He moved on to shake Blitzø’s hand. “And you gotta be Blitz, with the silent ‘o’. Right?” Blitzø looked weirded out, but let the man place an arm around his shoulders. “I’ve heard a lot of good things about you and your work.”

“Really? What kind of shit has Moxxie been spreading about me? I’ll fucking kill you, Moxxie, don’t you fucking test me-”

“No, no! From all over! Looks like you’re building a bit of a name for yourself here, kid.”

“Really? Huh, well I guess it’s about time folks recognized my talent.” This seemed suspicious all-around, but Blitzø was letting himself get wooed by all the compliments. Crimson laughed exaggeratedly at his comment, which only solidified your thoughts of him trying desperately to get on his good side. No one’s that funny.

“I like your attitude. Well, I hope you’re all hungry. We put together a fabulous dinner for ya!” Blitzø followed him inside, and you took a last look at Millie and Moxxie behind you before heading in as well, leaving them to talk among themselves. Crimson didn’t seem to think like you, though, yelling out for them and interrupting whatever moment they could have to talk. “Hey, you two. Move it! Before it gets cold.” They followed suit.

Crimson led the four of you to a small, dark room with a bar, two couches and a couple chairs. It all looked very fancy. Moxxie had never let it slip that he’d come from this much money.

Moxxie and Millie sat down next to each other on one of the couches, and you and Blitzø sat side by side on the other one.

Crimson poured a glass of whiskey for Blitzø, and Blitzø only. Classic. “So, Blitz, were you always a hitman?”

“No, not always. You know, I was in the circus for a long time.”

Crimson sat back on his own chair, right across from you. “Show business! Good money in that.” The room fell into an awkward silence as Blitzø downed his drink and he lit up a cigar.

Moxxie spoke up. “What are we doing here… sir?”

It was weird to watch Moxxie refer to someone other than Blitzø as that. You didn’t even think he should call Blitzø that, honestly, but that was for him to decide. But to call his own father something so impersonal? The man had to be strict motherfucker.

“Moooxxiee, I raised you better than that. Ya know there’s no business before dinner! Besides, we’re still waiting on one more.”

One more?

As if perfectly on cue, the door was kicked open, and in made his way a shark demon with a stupid haircut, his energy not matching the one in the room at all. “Woo-hoo-hoo! What is up, party people?”

“CHAZ?” Both Millie and Moxxie asked, wide-eyed, at the same time. “Wait. What?”

Moxxie pointed between Millie and the Chaz guy. “You know him?”

Millie facepalmed, letting out a groan. “You remember that ex I was talking about?” Oh, so that was the guy with the bigger cock or whatever it was? 

He walked up to stand behind the couple, squishing them together in an uncomfortable embrace. “Looks like I have two big sex reunions today! How lucky am I?”

Oh fuck. “Did you date him too?” Millie asked Moxxie, both still trapped in the shark’s embrace.

He was the one to answer, too, letting out a laugh, full of himself. “Yeah. No big deal, but I usually bone half the people in any room I’m in.”

You couldn’t even imagine what could have possessed both Moxxie and Millie to date this asshole. What a big fucking upgrade to date this asshole and then to marry each other. That did not seem to be where Blitzø’s mind had wandered with all this. “Are you fucking kidding me? There’s someone who’s fucked both of you?” 

“Blitz. Not the vibe, at all,” you elbowed his side and he rolled his eyes. 

“What? It’s true!”

Moxxie pulled himself free of Chaz’z hold. “It was a long time ago,” he mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.

The demon wouldn’t let it go, though. “But I remember it like it was yesterday. You, a fledgling mafioso, and me, the dashing and extremely sexy muscle. It was like it was written in the stars!”

Wait. Moxxie had been in… the mafia? You took a better look around the room, taking in the two huge demons with angry expressions guarding the door, the exuberant display of wealth through the decorations, the guns all over the place, the- well, everything. In hindsight, how had you not put it together that Crimson was a mobster the moment you stepped into the estate?  It put a lot of stuff into perspective, actually. You couldn’t really imagine Moxxie ever choosing to be in the mob, but his father being a big shot in it? That changed things. It made it a non-choice, an obligation to fulfill.

Blitzø seemed to be processing the information as well, but he was never really known for getting hints, so you knew he wasn’t trying to be inconvenient when he let out a purposefully obnoxious laugh. “HA! Moxxie in the mafia, that’s fucking rich.” His mocking grin slowly turned into a look of realization as he took in the place just like you had. “Oh, shit.”

Millie’s eyebrows raised in concern “you’ve never told me this before!”

Moxxie looked a lot like if he’d merge himself into the couch seat if he could. It was clearly a touchy subject he’d purposefully kept everyone unaware of. It did surprise you that he’d kept it from Millie too, though. “I- I don’t really like to talk about this part of my life, but…” oh boy. It was flashback time. 

Moxxie was a dramatic at heart, and the moment before he’d start telling a story was always recognizable, as he adopted a very specific way of speaking. “I first saw Chaz at my induction into the family. Our eyes met from across the room, and there was just something about him. Something… that was… magnetic!” He great great at setting the scene too: you could almost see things unfold as he went on about how he and Chaz came to be.  

He dwelled on the memories for a moment. “It’s been 84 years…” Was he quoting titanic right now? 

You realized that, but you couldn’t wrap your head around Blitzø noticing it too. There’s no way he’s sat through three hours of Titanic, is there?  “Ain’t that from that boat movie?”

“Did any of that stuff actually happen?”  Millie questioned.

“Ohhh, yeah. But he skipped over the jizz covered parts,” Chaz replied. Satan, was this guy inconvenient. 

“Anyway… things changed when we went on a heist together.” Moxxie went on about how it was supposed to be a simple robbery until things went wrong. He got stuck as they tried to escape, and Chaz ran off with the money, leaving him to be caught. It ended up with him getting thrown in jail, and that part of the story you did know, for he and Blitzø had told you all about it before, as it’s how they met. He’d never told anyone what had gotten him there in the first place until now. 

“Once I got out, I never looked back.” He seemed proud of that last statement. Millie, on the other hand, was focusing on another part of the story, and it was making her growl.

Chaz seemed uneasy, and it was within reason to feel uneasy: she clearly had intentions to rip him to shreds. “Well…” he pulled on the collar of his shirt, nervous. “It was a long time ago.”

“I’ll fucking kill you!” She yelled out, not a moment of hesitation before attempting to jump on him, who hid behind Crimson’s chair like a coward. 

“Crazy bitch!”

Millie pulled out a knife in pire, blind rage. Okay, maybe now was time to do something about this before things got messy. As much as you didn’t really care if the asshole lived or died: he should die for what he did to your friend and also… he was an all around annoying dude. But it probably wouldn’t be any good to have her kill a mob boss’ special guest. 

Thinking along the same line as you, Moxxie and Blitzø pulled her back to stop her, and you carefully grabbed the knife from her hand. She breathed heavily, but stopped fighting. The anger wasn’t going anywhere, though. “You should die, bitch.” Again, fair.

A maid calmly walked into the room, completely unfazed by the chaos happening in it, to announce the food had been served. 

At the dinner table, Millie’s eyes shot daggers at the shark imp, who ate happily by her side, Moxxie’s expression got more depressing by the second, and Blitzø was visibly antsy. You were unsure what to do as you waited for someone to break the silence. 

Unfortunately, the person to do so was Blitzø. You love him (well, maybe not love him, but you get the gist), but man, was he not blessed with the gift of good timing. “So. This is aggressively uncomfortable.”

You twirled a piece of meat around on your plate with a fork, looking at him. “No shit.”

“I’m just saying what everyone’s thinking.”

“I suppose ya wanna know why ya here,” Crimson finally said.

“Yeah, so what gives? I mean, you know we kill people on earth, right? We don’t normally do contracts for locals.”

“Not anymore,” you chimed in.

“Yeah. So if you wanna do business with us, you gotta-“

“I don’t wanna do business with I.M.P.” Crimson stated. “I wanna do business with Moxxie.”

Moxxie all but jumped on his seat, startled. “Me?”

“Yeah. I summoned I.M.P. to be sure you’d show.” Oh, so he was well aware Moxxie wouldn’t have shown up otherwise. He said it with no shame either. “Because, well, we’re bringing Chaz into the family.”

“What? Since when can just anyone join the family?”

“Come on, Mox. You had responsibilities here that I had to pick up once you left. Now Chaz is going to lighten the load.”

“Wait. I thought you always hated his guts.”

“Well, I don’t know if I exactly hated him…”

“You called him a ‘friendless horse-fucker’ and said we lived a ‘sissy lifestyle’,” Moxxie reasoned, an eyebrow raised. 

“Yeah, well, I was wrong,” his father shrugged. “You’ve been gone a long time, Mox. A man can change.” From what you’d gathered about him in this short time you could hardly believe that was the case here, and, from the looks of it, Moxxie didn’t, either. He had the nerve to keep going. “And so has Chaz.”

“Yeah, I’ve grown! Matured! And recently came into millions!” He displayed a smile. 

Oh, how convenient that Moxxie’s father had changed his mind about him just when he became rich. Chaz leaned back on his chair. “But, you know, mostly the mature thing.”

“Oooh okay. So the horseless friend-fucker over here gets a little moola and suddenly it’s worth wasting our time over?” Blitzø questioned, annoyed.

“Well, I’m the whole package! If you know what I mean,” he winked. What did he mean? He didn’t seem to have any redeeming qualities, let alone ones that could ever make him ‘the whole package’. He rolled his eyes, explaining himself: “I got a big dick.”

Millie looked over at Crimson. “What does any of this have to do with Moxxie?”

He finished his food in no rush. “There’s gonna be a ceremony tomorrow. Moxxie here is going to officially release his holdings in the organization. Then you can get back to ignoring ya family to ya heart’s content.”

Millie stood up to face him. “Maybe he wouldn’t ignore his family if they didn’t force him to rub elbows with a no good shark-toothed fuckface!” In an instant, she had her knife to Chaz’s throat again. 

When did she even retrieve it from you? 

“Hey, look, everybody! Relax. I know tensions have been high tonight. Say, why don’t ya stay here and get some rest? We’ll have the ceremony tomorrow, and then you will be free to leave. I have your rooms all prepared!” Free to leave? Was he offering for you to stay or demanding it? 

There’s no way you’d be staying here with- 

“Yes, sir,” Moxxie agreed without questioning, standing up from his seat, defeated. 

“Mox?” Millie asked, a silent question of ‘are you sure?’ lingering along with his name.

Moxxie said nothing in return, only turning around to make his way out of the dining room. It was his father. His house. His choice. So you all stood up to follow him to your rooms.

You’d barely made your way out the door before his father called for him. 

“Just give me a minute, Millie. I’ll be there,” he reassured her before re-entering the dining room, leaving all of you to be accompanied by one of the mansion’s employees to the bedrooms. 

Millie was visibly worried, and it was nothing but understandable. Moxxie was clearly uneasy and extremely uncomfortable with all of this, and there were moments during the night when he’d looked genuinely scared. You intertwined your arm with hers as you walked the long hallway, a silent gesture that told her you shared her worry and were there for her. She half-smiled at tou in return, acknowledging it.

Suddenly, all of you had to stop on your tracks, as it was impossible to ignore the fact that the ceiling and all the decorations decorations in the hallway were now all covered in… dildos. You tried conjuring anything else that those could be, but that’s what they were, which was fucking weird. What the fuck was the purpose of that?

Blitzø found it the funniest thing ever. “HA! There’s dicks in the walls! Now that’s fucking hilarious!” You laughed with him, rolling your eyes before pushing him to keep walking. 

After being showed your designated rooms, you mention waiting for Moxxie with Millie in their room so she wouldn’t spiral being on her own, but the imp guiding you insists you stay in your separate rooms, which, again, is fucking weird. He’s so adamant about it, though,  that Millie just tells you to let it go.

“You sure you’re fine?”

“Yeah. Mox will be here in a second.”

“‘Kay. I’m right here if you need me. Right?”

“Right.” She nods before disappearing into her room.

You make a face at the imp waiting for you to get inside your room. “I need to go to the bathroom.” He points to the end of the hallway, and you make your way inside. 

By the time you get out, he’s not around anymore. You calmly walk towards your bedroom, taking your time checking out the decorations on the walls (the dildos are gone by now) as you go. Before you get to your door, Millie slams hers open, threatening Chaz out of her room, pulling him off the floor by the collar of his shirt and pointing her knife to his throat for what’s… what? the third time that night, alone?

“Damnit! This usually works!” He complains.

She lets go of him and drops him back to the floor before slamming the door closed on his face. He stands back up, eyes scanning the hallway, when he makes eye contact with you, immediately raising his eyebrows in a stupid suggestive way. “Hey there, hotstuff.”

“Nope,” you say, booking to your room. You slam the door closed, not even giving him any chance to try anything funny. 

“I could show you a good time, ya know?” He yells from the other side of the door.

“No thank you! Go bother someone else.” 

“Your loss, bitch!” 

Well, you forgot there actually was still someone he could go bother. You groaned, shoving a pillow over your head when you started hearing the noises. And the noises were loud. You didn’t want to think about it.

After a while, you finally began drifting off to sleep. When sleep came, though, it lasted barely a few minutes before someone started banging on your door. You get up, angry that your sleep was ruined, and walk up to it, ready to tell Chaz off again. When you open it, though, you’re met with a disheveled Blitzø, wearing nothing but his underwear and chaz’s jacket, instead.

“What are you doing?” You asked him, annoyed.

“I got this,” he held up a shark-shaped keychain with a couple of keys attached to it. 

“And what is this?” 

“Chaz’s car keys.” 

You’re definitely awake now. “Why the fuck do you have that?” 

“Come ooon,” he grabs you by the hand and drags you around the mansion all the way out to the parking lot. 

“What are we even supposed to be doing here?” You whisper as Blitzø clicks a few times, and the two of you followed the car’s noise, finally finding it. 

“Look, nobody who’s that bad in bed can score two hotties that easily. He gotta be hiding something,” he explained as he pried the passenger door open and looked inside.

“Really, that’s your conclusion? Maybe he’s just a prick. A prick who’s bad in bed, that’s not unheard of, is it?”

“You don’t understand.”

“That bad?”

“That bad.”

“Okay.” You don’t know why, but you find yourself pleased to hear Chaz wasn’t a good time. One might call it jealousy, but that would be dumb. It’s just nice to know you fuck him better, that’s all. Whatever.

“Ha-ha! Found it.” He held out a piece of paper in triumph. 

“What’s it say?”

He handed the paper over to you, and, clear as day, it read the words: ‘eviction notice’.

“So he isn’t actually rich?”

Blitzø made his way around the car, opening up the trunk and trying to find something there, which he did- yet another piece of paper. You walked up to stand beside him, reading the words at the same time as he did. 

Chaz’s Mastur Plan

Rent suit 

Convince Crim im rich

Marry Moxxie to get into family

???

Profit $$$

Holy shit. He’s here to marry Moxxie?

You have no time to say anything about it, though, as you feel something poke your neck and, in a second, you’re out.

You don’t know how much time has passed since you fell unconscious, but you know it’s been something around ten minutes since you and Blitzø have regained your conscience (mostly, at least, seen as you still felt pretty groggy and Blitzø wasn’t really speaking too coherently), only to find yourselves to be trapped inside the trunk of Chaz’s car. That fucker. 

The two of you barely fit together inside the tiny space, so it was a little hard to try to blindly kick your way out. Thankfully, it didn’t take long until Millie came to your rescue, opening the trunk up to let you out. 

“Oh, Millie, you found us!”

“Who’s your friend?” You asked her, finding it funny that the two guys behind her had appeared out of thin air with how quiet they’d been. 

“Friend?” Millie asked in return, confused. You then clocked that they were, in fact, not friends. 

“Ohh.”

Millie turned around, giving the two imps no time to even think of doing anything before slashing one’s throat with her knife and decapitating the other with the trunk door. She looked fucking cool doing it. “What is going on?” She helped the two of you out, and it took you a couple seconds to be able to catch your balance and stand up straight.

Blitzø immediately started going off about everything you’d found out. “That seductive dickhole is trying to marry Moxxie, and he’s not even rich!” He stumbles over, falling face-first to the ground. 

“Is that true or is he tripping?” Millie asked you. 

“It’s true.”

“Moxxie!” She called out, running back towards the house as you helped Blitzø get up. Suddenly, all the paths that led out of the parking lot and into the mansion were automatically closed, trapping the three of you there. You couldn’t even imagine what Moxxie was going through right now. “Everything’s locked out! How’re we gonna get in?”

“The keys!”

“What?”

“The keys!” You nudged Blitzø’s arm.

“Oh! Fuck! Right!” He fished Chaz’s car keys from his pocket, dragging you and Millie to the car and getting the engine running as soon as he stepped inside. “Buckle up, girls, we’re doing a Shrek.” That always has been his favorite part of the movie.

He stepped on the gas with all he could, driving the car into the wall, obviously smashing it in the process, but successfully getting through it. If you felt dizzy then, you were both so much worse now. He tried stepping out of the car, holding a finger up to finish his dramatic entrance. “I object!” He fell to the ground again. 

Thank Satan Millie could handle herself. 

It was so cool to watch her kick almost every single one of those guy’s asses that you even didn’t bother doing much more than the necessary (which you were pretty thankful you could do, given the way everything seemed to be spinning), only handing her random stuff she could kill them off with and occasionally stabbing someone. 

After every single one of them had been taken care of, Millie wordlessly picked a horrifying-looking tied up Moxxie up from the altar and carried him along. You know she left Crimson and Chaz live only because of Mox.

Still, Chaz had the nerve to speak up and complain. “Hey! What about my weddi-” Millie shoved one of the dildo things down his throat, effectively shutting him up. Fitting. 

“This ass is mine!” She yelled at him.

“By the way, y’all should probably know, Chaz isn’t even rich, okay?” Blitzø yelled out.

Crimson’s eyes widened. “What?”

You grinned. “Yup! You should try checking out his car!” 

“Ha! He just played you like a fuckin’ rube!” He flipped Crimson off, and you did the same. You smiled when you realized Millie was flipping him off as well as she walked away, not even bothering to face him as she did.

“Later, losers!” Blitzø announced, and you all hopped into the helicopter again, which Millie somehow, for some reason, could operate, finally on your way back home from this wreck. 

You and Blitzø helped Moxxie out of the restraints and pulled the tape over his mouth, which still left him in the bizarre wedding dress, but at least he was safe.

Getting there, you could see Loona was somehow in the exact same position she’d been when you’dall left the day before, sitting with her legs propped on the table and her phone in hand. 

Moxxie beamed at his wife. “Millie? Thank you for saving me. You’re amazing.”

“Next time just tell me if your daddy’s a psychopath. I can handle it.”

“Well, and I’m glad everything ended up okay! Good to know we both have daddy issues, Mox.” Blitzø slipped in the middle of the couple, and you were sure whatever came out of his mouth next would be inconvenient at best. “Also! I got to plow your ex boyfriend!” See? “Isn’t that great? Now all three of us have fucked the same guy! Does it feel weird that I fucked your ex, Mox?” He nudged him with his elbow, purposefully annoying him. 

“Extremely.”

“I’m glad I’m not a part of that club,” you commented. 

“Hey now, don’t pretend we don’t fuck the same guy too. Present tense.”

“Oh, come on, that’s totally different. You’re telling me you wouldn’t feel weird if I had fucked one of your exes?”

He takes a moment to ponder it. “Yeah, actually. That would be weird,” he decides. “But ya haven’t, so… I don’t feel ashamed at all,” he shrugged, sporting an annoying little smirk. 

You rolled your eyes at him.

A/N: Chaz was fun to write cause he's so utterly stupid lol. But yeah this is just for fun, we'll have a few of these bonus ones throughout the series! Hope y'all like it <3

[ponpuriitx]

𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐃𝐈𝐃 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓?

One shot!: Crimson x Hellborn fem!reader

summary: You spent most of your time on the greed ring for some reason, but an anonymous call to the place you worked at lead to a rather un-pleasant meeting with an old fuck buddy.

Warnings: slightly suggestive, other than that I guess nothing else? Enjoy ! !

Notes: I saw this sitting on my drafts and I thought of finishing it to leave you guys with something. I think crimson is more of a guilty pleasure of mine lol, I’ve been really concentrated on finishing the chapter for the helluva boss series that I really lost interest in finishing the other one shots that are dead on my drafts. I’m really sorry!!

You had a good gig going on

Well, at least for you. You were on your little world right now, not paying attention to anything your boss was saying. Pretty much just zooming out until a loud crash woke you up from your little dream.

It was a helicopter, you figured out it had something to do about a client from the little words that actually went into your brain with your bosses talk. Sitting down, you questioned if this was even secure because of the seatbelts followed by Milli’s concerned look.

You guys weren’t sure about this.

And hell were you right, you heard Moxxie talking about how this place was similar to where he grew up in. Being taken aback when he saw a house that was rather familiar, bringing him unpleasant memories. But you? You were frozen in spot. Hold on a minute, you knew this house.. Oh, how did well you knew it.

“Blitz, who was this meeting with..?” Both Moxxie and you asked, which caused him to give you a strange confused look for some seconds before jumping right in on his own topic. You didn’t noticed this, too concentrated praying to whoever came to your mind that you didn’t land right there.

No, no no no fuck no.

You stared with a shocked expression the house , while your boss pushed you and Moxxie to the front. A guy stood up calling out Moxxie, but when he saw you his eyes widened a little. He didn’t expect to see you, but he gave you a smirk before going back to Moxxie.

“Come give ya’ daddy a hug.”

“Daddy?” Both Millie and Blitz looked confused, while you and Moxxie were a frozen mess. Seeing his face again brought you so much memories again, some better some worse. “I only let Moxxie and this one with you call me that, unless ya’ pay me!” He chuckled.

Your eyes widened, while Moxxie’s head snapped in your direction. “What does he mean by that?” He asked, still with gentle words to not sound too harsh. But it still made a shiver run down your spine as you looked at him nervous without knowing what to say. “W-Well, Uh.. He’s obviously just, eh being- I mean joking around. Yes, that!” You chuckled awkwardly as you looked away to hide tour face from embarrassment.

Moxxie didn’t buy that, your words made crimson frown. He got closer which made you step a little back, raising Moxxies suspicion but he decided to ignore it. He introduced Crimson as his father and— “Wait, what?” You said out loud, quickly regretting it as the group looked at you.

“I mean, Cr- He’s your father?” His name almost slipped by your mouth, but you were quicker to act. If you sounded more comfortable using his name it would only make up more questions, and you weren’t planning to explain to the group and less Moxxie now knowing he’s his son how Crimson and you used to Fuck in the old times. “We already know each—”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you sir!” You say with a smile, you had to hide your nervousness by acting quick. The sudden greeting took crimson off, but ignoring all of this your crew entered the house.

Now this was awkward.

You were just sitting there, listening to Moxxie talk about how he met the guy that just entered. Chaz the was called which surprised you by the fact he dated Millie too, but when they hit the Mafia part a chill went down your spine making you nervous. But while they were talking Crimson took a few glances at you which you ignored faking not knowing he was looking at you. You were crap at this, grabbing your pants slightly to avoid your hands to get more sweaty. You never want hell to grab you and sink you in three rings lower.

Now, after some while you guys went to have dinner. You know when someone talks about an aggressively uncomfortable silence filling the room? Yeah, that was what they were talking about. You ate your food without looking at no one until your boss opened his mouth which you were very grateful for. “Soo this is aggressively uncomfortable,… Hey you haven’t said anything tits what’s up?” He asked you which took you completely off, damn you Blitz.

“I- Uhh.. Just don’t got anything to say today, I’m just tired really.” Blitz didn’t buy that, and you knew it by the way he looked at you. Under the table you felt Crimsons hand on your thigh and your body completely froze. “I suppose you want to know why I brought you people here.”

They talked but you really didn’t give much of your attention. You were fully focused on how the hand placed on your thigh moved up and down and the way it sometimes he squeezed depending on the level of the conversation. But when you did actually put mine to it, it already shifted into a heavy convo between Mox and Crimson. Talking about the dude that was sitting in front of you, you looked over to him just to see he was already looking at you.

He gave you a wink and a sly smile, was he flirting? You frowned, but you were surprised when you heard a loud groan and a slightly loud kick from under the table. You guessed that Crimson kicked him because of the hurt expressions on his face and the mad expression on the Imps face.

“Yeahhh I’ve grown, matured and recently came into millions.” The lizzard looking hellbron spoke, ignoring the fellow interaction you decided to jump into the conversation. “Wait so this guy here gets a little money and suddenly it’s worth waisting all of our time? Yeah, no that’s great.” You spat out that but instantly regretted it when you felt a hard pinch on your thigh that made you hiss lowly to not alert the others. While Crimson gave you his signature “shut up and stop talking or else” look, since you’ve grown used to it you did went quiet in reflex.

You just opted by hearing the conversation, a relieved sigh left your lips when you felt Crimsons hand let go of your thigh to get a hold of his wine. He talked about the whole family thing with Moxxie but you decided to not say or do anything since you had Chaz eyes on you and it wasn’t like you trusted fully into him for him to not snitch on you.

After a few minutes you noticed how everyone stood up so you did too, but when you heard Moxxie being called by Crimson you darted him a worried look, before a shiver ran down your spine when you heard Crimsons voice again in the back of your head. “And I will have a talk with ya doll-face later.” Followed by a confused look from Moxxie.

“It’s okay, I’ll explain later. Just, don’t let him get to your head you got this.” After that you left the door and waited outside with Blitz and Millie, she was looking at the door trying to hear what was happening. You couldn’t blame her she did have something to worry about, best case scenario Moxxie would come out with just a slap and nothing more. But as Blitz and you were talking you suddenly felt something poking your ass before it got further up that you had to stand up.

Your eyes went wide and a loud gasp left your lips when you saw all the dicks through the wall, chairs, tables etc. Your boss laughed and Millie was just as shocked as you were before one of the house employees called the three of you to the rooms. Yours wasn’t exactly all too big, but it was something. So for now you’ll just work up some rest for the morning and get the hell out of here, but before you could drift to sleep you heard a knock on the floor. Thinking it was Blitz you opened it and you almost jumped at the sight of Crimson who walked in no time the second you opened the door.

“What are you— what do you want?” You say, now closing the door behind you. Usually you would’ve left it open in case you needed to run to anyone’s rooms in case that he did something but his sharp look told you that for now it was better to not get him pissed. “Come on doll face, why ya’ giving me the cold shoulder. We used to have so much fun in the past.” He smirked.

“Yeah, on the past. Before you threatened to drown me up if I didn’t follow your rules.” He seemed uncomfortable at your statement, but it was true. He did threatened you and you left him because of that he knew that you had a strong feeling towards that type of treatment so why would he be surprised that you did so? Of course that he did his best to find you, but hell were you a stiff woman who stood up with her word. “Come on ya’ doll face, I already tried to apologize.”

“Sending numerous gifts at my door and almost kidnapping me to talk to you isn’t the best way to apologize don’t you think?” You would’ve watched your words and more in a situation like this that you were standing at his house and his area. But you were tired, pissed even “Well then I’m sorry for doing that to ya’. Say, we could grab some dinner and maybe catch up a little?”

You thought of it, yeah he wasn’t the best man but oh how fun those days were when your relationship didn’t get involved in his whole Mafia business. You sighed, knowing that he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. “Maybe we could even have more fun here.” You didn’t notice when you two ended up in your bed and his hand back up in your thigh, he caressed it slowly and getting closer to you.

You didn’t want to do this to Moxxie or even to Millie, but hey.. a night wouldn’t hurt you right? And besides, the second he acts up again you can leave at any minute. Your job actually made you better at killing so it wouldn’t be to hard to fight off his people if he tried anything shady to get a piece of you back. You know what? A night wouldn’t hurt right? It was a long time since you did this and hell did you wanted it, for much that you didn’t admit out loud he still was kinda hot.

The air was tense, and it didn’t take much time until both of your lips could collide together and started to make out. You grabbed his cheek and pulled him closer, and in the way taking of his hat and throwing it in the other side of the room. His hands roaming through your back until finding the hem of your shirt and pulling it up sneaking his hand up to your body. After pulling out from the kiss to get some air he started to kiss your neck and left some love bites and marks.

Fuck it, you would handle Moxxie and the others if they asked in the morning. Right now you were being taken by your desires and there was nothing that the conscious part of your brain did that could pull you out of it.

[balanceoflightanddark]

Dinotopia Lost

Alright, so a while back I made a post describing how sentient predatory dinosaurs were handled in the original Dinotopia books. I mentioned a novel called Dinotopia Lost that actually focuses on the predators of the Rainy Basin along with an intriguing premise about pirates landing on the normally peaceful island, and how I considered making a post about it should I get the opportunity.

Well, that opportunity is now.

Written by noted sci-fi writer Alan Dean Foster, Dinotopia Lost can best be described as a crossover between Pirates of the Caribbean and The Lost World: Jurassic Park.

...no, I'm not kidding. It's a pretty accurate description of the book.

Swept up by a freak storm, the pirate ship Condor, lead by the fearsome Captain Brognar Blackstrap and his first mate Smiggens, is marooned on Dinotopia. Deciding to make the most of their impromptu visit, they come across a family of Struthiomimus and immediately take them captive to sell them to the highest bidder, believing them to be a rare species of animal. Naturally like all dinosaurs on the island, they are sentient, but aren't able to communicate this at all to the newcomers. To make matters worse, the pirates not only decide to make a foray into the dangerous Rainy Basin, but they also kidnap a juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex.

One of the Struthies manages to escape her bonds and manages to relay the incident to Treetown, securing help from Will Denison, a Skybax rider and one of the protagonists from the original books. Along with a Protoceratops named Chaz, the three make their way into the dangerous Rainy Basin in pursuit of the pirates. Things get complicated though when the juvenile Tyrannosaur's gigantic parents are on the prowl, and tension begins to run within the ranks of the pirates. Along with an oncoming monstrous storm on the horizon, it's a race against both time, man, and beast as the heroes try to rescue the captives from Brognar's clutches.

Already the premise is pretty intriguing. Dinotopia as a setting is depicted as a utopian society where pacificism is the norm. So the idea of a group of pirates, a decidedly not pacifistic career, landing on their shores is quite an interesting scenario. Does it work?

...well. Actually, it does. Captain Brognar and his crew (especially Smiggens) are arguably the stars of the novel since the first half details them exploring the wilderness and encountering dinosaurs for the first time. Thing is, the majority of them aren't portrayed as your typical swashbucklers. They're a motley crew that comes from many nations, all brought together since society had rejected them (one almost got arrested for stealing bread for his family). While Brognar comes the closest to being your stereotypical pirate captain, the narrative makes it clear that he's the one that brought everyone together, a figure that the crew both admires and fear in equal measure for his courage, his temper, and his surprisingly quick thinking. He's not exactly the best person to work under, but you can understand why anybody would respect him.

His first mate Smiggens is the opposite. He's the only one that comes from a learned background, which puts him at odds with the others when he gets curious about the island they landed on. Including Brognar, though the captain does have a good deal of respect for his reliability. It's also Smiggens who's the first to realize that the Golden Age of Piracy is ending since their fleeing from a galleon was got them in this mess in the first place. Hell, it's a fact many of the pirates do admit as the story progresses and that many of them, outside of Brognar and his most violent followers, actually resent their lot in life. Brognar's just that much of an influence that they believe they don't have much of a choice. They're not entirely bad people, just caught up under really bad circumstances.

Their opposites in the Dinotopians bring this out. The novel does a decent job of introducing the society they live in. Especially with Will Denison as a daredevil looking to make a name for himself. He's reckless, taking the opportunity to go save the family without much backup aside from Chaz and Keelk (the escaped Struthiomimus). But he's not completely out of his depths since he's had his fair share of adventures in the past, and works more as a diplomat than an action hero you might expect from a story like this. Especially once he gets to the Rainy Basin and encounters the pirates where he tries to negotiate with them to...varying degrees of success.

His opposite is Chaz, a young translating Protoceratops who has a bit of a chip on his shoulder due to an incident involving Will's father and the famous translator Bix when they initially arrived in Dinotopia. Chaz is stuffy, not really used to going out into the wilderness and hasn't gotten the experience of his peers. He does mean well mind you, but he's not gonna be happy about it. Thing is, he's not one to back down and when Will is captured by the pirates, he's one of the most adamant that the human gets rescued. Even braves the teeth of the carnosaurs to translate for Will.

As for the carnosaurs, they're the other real stand out stars in this novel. Like I mentioned before, how Gurney handled them as choosing to live like their ancestors but aren't above negotiation is handled well here. The society of the Rainy Basin denizens are given a lot of focus which is actually very engrossing. For one, there are laws that basically say that everyone that ventures into the Rainy Basin is fair game for the carnosaurs (which makes sense given the amount of warnings and common sense everyone practices around that place). Even then, the carnivorous dinosaurs don't actually hunt most of the time since most of their diet consists of dying dinosaurs that have made pilgrimages to various graveyards throughout the rainforest (won't stop them from hunting, but it's explained as an innate predatory instinct). They also deeply respect the boundaries of each other, actively avoiding fights and even eating alongside one another if there's enough meat for everyone.

And they do have a strict code of honor. Crookeye and Shethorn, the two parent tyrannosaurs, willingly work with Will to find their kidnapped daughter after some negotiations. While Will is a bit nervous about working with them, Chaz assures the humans that no carnosaur will go back on their word. While there is some tension due to the understandable worry and anger of the parents, they do come to respect Will, Chaz, and Keelk. Even giving them names in their tongue, which is a great honor in itself. They naturally consider the party friends by the time they depart ways.

Turns out giving the heroes names in their tongue is the best thing they could've done since Will is able to use what he's learned of their language to communicate with Prettykill, the juvenile. Prettykill has just as much of an attitude like her parents, but amplified by her poor treatment and being separated from her family. It's a very understandable emotion that Will is able to sympathize with. It's especially easy for readers to see the tyrannosaurs not necessarily as monsters but a concerned and scared family trying to get back together. Especially since we get a foil in Keelk, the Struthie who is worried sick to death about her parents and siblings being held captive and almost runs herself to death trying to get help.

Which honestly one of the big themes of the novel: looking past the surface and finding what unites instead of dividing. The carnosaurs do have a form of society that, while different from the civilized Dinotopians, still have a lot of the same customs and values. The heroes and tyrannosaurs are united in their concerned for their loved ones being kidnapped and wanting to do the right thing. Even the pirates are humanized, with Will's previous experiences being a newcomer to Dinotopia being used as a comparison to how the pirates view the dinosaurs as either animals or monsters. Hell, Smiggens actually ends up wanting to stay in Dinotopia since he knows there's no future for the crew in the outside world, and manages to convince the vast majority of the crew along with Will's convincing. Plus the majesty of Dinotopia awes them into rethinking their violent ways.

A particular favorite character of mine is a good example of this: Tarqua. Tarqua is an elderly Deinonychus who had chosen a life of an ascetic. He's the first dinosaur to speak directly to the pirates, even causing them to pause a bit when he demonstrates his capability to use martial arts.

...yes. This book has a Deinonychus who meditates for most of his time, delivers some actually relevant philosophy (making him a literal Philosoraptor) and knows martial arts.

And yes, it's just as awesome as it sounds.

As a whole, I definitely believe Dinotopia Lost is worth a read. The themes and story are well executed and the characters while not perfect (a vast majority of Brognar's crew aren't that well developed and Will only gets involved around the mid-point) are still able to carry the story and are well done and developed overall. I really do think Foster does a good job of bringing Dinotopia, in particular the Rainy Basin, to life and does justice to such an interesting concept.

[just-being-leonest]

Random notes on s2e3 of helluva boss:

-I had hope. Hope is now lost bc less than 20 seconds in there's already a fat Moxxie joke. I'm tired of it, Viv can't even make fat characters, they're all just sticks

-That... tone transition feels off? Maybe that's just me being nitpicky tho so meh

-Okay the horse picture made me laugh I'll give the show that. Confession time, I have been looking forward to this episode. Hopefully it's better than most helluva boss episodes

-Mysterious dude's voice rlly ain't vibing with me. Eh not the worst thing tho

-Oh hey! Callback to the worst episode! But nah the callback was actually well done, I'm surprised

-The designs so far are... eh? Music wasn't the best but at least it's not fucking RED

-Does Moxxie and Moxxie's dad have the same VA? Bc the dad sounds exactly like Moxxie but with a bad accent

-"I only let Moxxie call me that" okay that was witty

-Nvm they ruined it

-"looks like you're building a bit of a name for yourself" ARE THEY???? Like gen are they bc there hasn't been much talk about their business???

-Are they gonna have Moxxie's dad be abusive? Bc the way he's acting, unsure, scared, anxious, the nervous sir... all things point to abuse

-I will say the animation seems to be a lot better! I rlly like the background colors, makes the characters rlly stand out

-I was hoping to like Chaz's (is that how you spell it?) character. I am sorely disappointed. Also the tone shift was v abrupt and while it can work, I don't think it's rlly working that much rn

-W...why is he talking like that?? Is it supposed to be dramatic? Funny???

-Ohhh okay that one scene WAS a flashback. Kinda wish they'd given Moxxie different clothes but eh understandable

-Okay and the sex jokes ruined it wonderful. Idm sex jokes, I make them all the time. But at least make them funny and less awkward

-WAIT SO DID BLITZØ JUST NEVER FUCKIN ASK WHAT BROUGHT HIM THERE??? WHY WAS BLITZØ THERE????

-Is Moxxie's dad homophobic???

-I'm calling it, Moxxie's dad is abusive

-....okay I genuinely might not being able to watch this. This is why trigger warnings are fucking important, and not the dumbass passive aggressive one Viv has

-okay I'm sorry but i gen can't watch this episode in one sitting. maybe i'll finish watching later but for now I stopped at 11:51, my mental health isn't worth this shit.

[ficcrimes]

White Noise

Fandom: Helluva Boss Characters: Moxxie, Chaz, Millie, Blitz; Crim mentioned Ship: past Chaz/Moxxie Summary: Some phone calls come too late. Some never come at all.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I couldn’t help noticing you noticing me during your induction.”

Moxxie cleared his throat, looking up at the shark demon now looming over him. He knew he shouldn’t have allowed himself to be cornered so easily, and especially not in a place where his father could potentially see them, but it was growing increasingly difficult to care the longer he allowed Chaz into his personal space. He’d never had someone look at him the way Chaz was looking at him now, and it made his heart flutter inside his chest.

“I’m sorry,” Moxxie said, and there was already a heat creeping up the back of his neck. “I shouldn’t have stared like that. It was rude of me.”

Chaz snorted, brushing the apology away with the flick of a wrist. “I’m hot and hard to miss, I totally get it.” He winked, and Moxxie feared he may have fainted right then and there for a moment.

“Besiiiides, I wouldn’t have bothered coming all the way over here if I hadn’t been staring back.”

He made it sound like it had been such a chore and a trek to cross the foyer. The humor wasn’t lost on Moxxie, but he was far too caught up on the fact this handsome creature was seemingly returning his attention. A shiver raced down his spine and settled in the very tip of his tail as his mind raced to process this information and do something appropriate with it. He cleared his throat before attempting to speak, but the imaginary obstruction didn’t seem to want to budge.

“O-oh,” was all Moxxie could muster, breathless and higher pitched than he would have liked. He would have liked nothing more than to be able to slink away and hide for a few hours.

Chaz’s grin was wide and sharp, and Moxxie felt so much smaller compared to him than he truly was as he basked obviously in his fluster.

As Chaz silently dug a hand into one of his pockets, Moxie was glad for the distraction, allowing his eyes to wander away from the shark’s face. He watched as he fished a crumpled piece of paper out, then held it out toward him between two fingers. Despite his nerve-wracked state, it made Moxxie grin just a little. He could tell what Chaz was going for, and he may have been able to pull it off if the note wasn’t so completely disheveled.

“I know we’re gonna be working together, buuuut if you ever wanna take more than just a sneaky peek,” Chaz continued while allowing Moxxie to take the paper from him.

Moxxie took more care than Chaz felt was necessary to open the note, but the way hot blush rushed to and bruised the imp’s cheeks once he read it was worth it.

The ink was smeared and smudged, and there were questionable stains on the paper, but there along with Chaz’s full name and some crude doodles of ejaculating penises was his phone number.

---

It feels as though he’s been staring down at his phone for hours, thumb stiff and hovering uneasily over Chaz’s name. He doesn’t really want to talk to him, but some part of Moxxie feels like they should. There’s something in the air that needs to be cleared. A lot of things, really. At the very least, he wants to scream at him, cuss him out, and demand to know what could have possibly possessed him to even consider going through with such a ridiculous plan. Even in dire straights, Chaz should have known better than to get directly involved with Crimson, and he definitely should have known better than to drag Moxxie into it. Surely he had to have known that if he had gotten away with marrying his way into the family, it wouldn’t have led to whatever life he had been envisioning.

Moxxie had thought he’d seen Chaz at his lowest and his worst, but this…

How could he have possibly been so stupid and selfish?

And differences and their history aside, Chaz should have known if he needed help, he could have just asked. Moxxie may have still harbored a grudge and a sore spot in his heart, but he would have at least tried to help if he could have.

And yet, now Chaz is most likely stuck dealing with his father and that fallout, and that makes Moxxie’s stomach churn sickly. Amid all of his immediate anger and hurt, he can acknowledge that some part of him just wants to make sure Chaz is okay.

However, it’s unfortunate that part is also minuscule in comparison to everything else.

Millie is by his side, and her hand finds his forearm and squeezes gently. It’s a surprisingly soothing gesture, considering he knows how angry she is and has been.

“I know ya wanna figure out what was goin’ on inside that thick skull o’ his,” she says, “but maybe ya shouldn’t bother wastin’ anymore of your time on him.”

There’s a pause, another squeeze.

“Besides, I doubt he’d tell ya the truth, anyway.”

Moxxie sighs and leans back against the couch. “You’re probably right,” he agrees, but his eyes are still trained on Chaz’s name. Plain black text on a white background; long gone are the green and blue hearts and the shark emojis. Something inside of him aches, the same thing that sometimes wishes something could have gone even just a little differently all those years ago.

“But still…” Moxxie continues quietly, brow furrowed. He clicks on Chaz’s name, opening up the profile. Like the emojis that used to accompany his name, his photo’s been deleted long ago, leaving the contact stripped and sterile, completely lifeless.

It’s nothing short of a small miracle in and of itself that the number has managed to remain in the phone this long.

Despite her own feelings, Millie finds it in herself to smile at her husband. “Well, if it’ll make ya feel any better…”

Moxxie doesn’t know for sure if it will make him feel better, but he’s come too far to back down now. His smile is weak at best before he takes what feels like a necessary deep breath, finally hitting dial.

The line rings, and rings, and rings, and Moxxie waits impatiently and with bated breath for Chaz to answer.

After a solid minute and a half, the ringing stops and Chaz speaks.

“Yello?”

The sound of his voice makes Moxxie’s anger flare irrationally, and for a moment he quietly contemplates just hanging up.

“Hello?” Chaz persists on the other end of the line. “Heeeeeello? Anybody there?”

Moxxie sighs, brows knitting together. “Yeah, Chaz. It’s me and—”

There’s a heartbeat of silence, and then laughter. “Psych. I’m busy or some shit and can’t answer the phone. Y’know what to do.”

Beep.

Moxxie rolls his eyes as he slumps a little further into the couch, sighing again but quieter. He’s upset and annoyed, but there’s no need to be rude in a voicemail.

“...just call me whenever you get this.”

---

The gentle crinkling of plastic as Moxxie pressed a bag of frozen vegetables to his cheek and eye seemed much louder than it really was.

“Why didn’t you call me sooner?”

Moxxie didn’t think he had ever heard Chaz sound so genuinely concerned before, and it made him want to shrink away even more. He hadn’t wanted pity when he arrived at his doorstep, just a place to go and a distraction. But, he supposed, he would have reacted the same if Chaz had been the one to show up at his door with a black eye. Thinking about it from that perspective eased some of the weight from his shoulders, but he still felt fairly awful.

He shrugged one shoulder, readjusting the bag against his eye. The cold seeped into his inflamed and bruised skin, making him hiss and curse under his breath.

“I didn’t want to bother you with something like this,” he said, and though he wanted to look up at Chaz’s face, he couldn’t quite bring himself to lift his gaze beyond the shark’s chest.

“Something like this, he says,” Chaz huffed, and even if Moxxie wasn’t looking at him, he could tell he had rolled his eyes. “C’mon, Moxx. Crim’s got goons he can go beat the shit out of, he doesn’t need to be taking it out on you.”

Despite himself, Moxxie smiled and finally met Chaz’s eyes. “Wrong place, wrong time, I guess.”

“My ass,” Chaz muttered, and reached for the bag of vegetables. “Lemme see the damage.”

Reluctantly, Moxxie allowed Chaz to take his makeshift icepack away and inspect the harm caused by his father’s hand. The bruise was fresh, still in bloom, and had crept its way from his cheekbone to the majority of his eye socket. The eye itself hadn’t sustained any injury, though it was bloodshot.

“I know this is, like, a stupid question, but are you okay?” Chaz asked, reaching for the untouched side of Moxxie’s face. He palmed his cheek, then slid his hand down the side of his neck and to his shoulder.

“I will be,” Moxxie replied, absently scooting himself just a little closer to the demon. Chaz’s single bed didn’t offer much room to begin with, so it didn’t take much effort to get close enough to be able to lean forward and press his forehead into Chaz’s chest.

The hand on his shoulder moved to his back, and Moxxied sighed again.

“I mean it, y’know,” Chaz continued, rubbing idle patterns into Moxxie’s back. “Call me whenever you want or need me.”

---

It’s been a few days, and Moxxie’s phone weighs heavy in his hand. It is both like and unlike Chaz to go this long without returning a phone call, and it frustrates Moxxie that he can’t read the situation properly. When he made the first call, he would have thought that Chaz would have jumped at the chance to talk to him again. But maybe he was right, and he has matured, and he’s off somewhere licking his wounds and knowing the less Moxxie hears or sees of him right now is for the better.

As much as Moxxie wishes that to be true, it’s more likely Chaz lost or broke his phone. It makes him sigh and frustration claws at him as he pulls up Chaz’s number again to glare at it.

“Just answer the goddamn phone,” he mumbles before hitting dial.

He paces the hallway outside of I.M.P.’s office as the line rings.

With every pause between, anxiety grows bigger and heavier in his chest. In those few passing seconds, he almost always somehow manages to convince himself Chaz will pick up before the next ring.

He doesn’t pick up.

It goes to voicemail, again.

After pre-recorded Chaz does his bit and the beep sounds in his ear, a new voice speaks.

This mailbox is full and cannot accept any new messages.

And then, just like that, the line disconnects and the sound that leaves Moxxie is a stressed and strangled combination of a groan and a growl. The urge to throw his phone down the elevator shaft is strong, but he resists, shoving it into his pocket instead.

He can only hope that whenever Chaz gets to his voicemail, he’ll return his calls.

---

His phone had been aggressively reminding him he had a voicemail for the last day and a half. Before he had even looked at the notification when he first received it, he had known it was from Chaz. Who else could it have possibly been?

Though he wondered why Chaz would be calling him, he never questioned how he had come to know he was out of prison. The mob had their ways, and even if Chaz wasn’t part of the family, Moxxie could safely assume he was still kept within some of the know.

Some part of him felt childishly hopeful that finally listening to the message would absolve Chaz of any guilt or blame. There could be an apology waiting, an explanation of his true intentions.

The part of him that had been hardened during this whole ordeal, however, argued otherwise. He had trusted Chaz with everything he was and had, and for what? To be abandoned and betrayed, and made worthless in the face of monetary gain.

It’s what he got, he supposed, for becoming so closely entangled with someone from Greed. People from this ring only ever truly cared about themselves.

There was only some solace in knowing that if the shoe had been on the other foot, he never would have left Chaz behind.

He stared down at the offensive reminder and growled to himself. Maybe it would be best to just get it over with sooner rather than later at this rate. Putting it off for as long as he had already had kept him on edge and anxious.

Before he could second-guess himself again, he begrudgingly opened the waiting message.

“Heeeey, you,” Chaz’s voice came through the phone loud and clear, crisp enough to cut. “Heard you got out. We should totally catch up. Me and the boys have been missing you—”

Moxxie hated that he was blushing, but he hated the message even more at the moment. It was a brash decision, but he ended the call before the rest could play, deleting it entirely seconds later. He doubted he would be missing anything, assuming fairly confidently the remainder of the message to be a slew of crude babbling with no remorse to be found.

He’d never return the call.

---

“Are you seriously gonna try calling that asshole again?”

Blitz means well, but that doesn’t soften the blow of his question any. Moxxie feels a rush of guilt and shame at being caught staring at his phone and at Chaz’s name again, but he can’t and hasn’t been able to help himself. He wishes he could say it’s not like Chaz to go days without answering his phone, as though that would provide some sort of a better reason for his persistence, but it is.

So all Moxxie has left to blame is himself. Again. At Chaz’s expense.

“I know, I know,” he sighs, looking away from the phone and over to Blitz. Blitz’s expression is surprisingly soft, if not a little concerned. “I just… wish I could get through to him.”

Blitz snorts. “I think that ship sailed, and sank, years ago.”

Moxxie glowers at him weakly, but Blitz grins back, shrugging one shoulder.

“I’m just saying… Well, the same thing Millie’s been saying. It’s not worth it. He’s not worth it. Probably.”

Moxxie’s features soften despite his mild aggravation. “I know,” he agrees, “but I… have to try. At least one more time.” His brow furrows as a wave of determination comes over him. “And if he doesn’t answer, then… I guess that’s it.”

“Just send him a wall of text like a normal person and call it a day,” Blitz says, only half kidding as he walks on by Moxxie. He spares a quick hair ruffle before disappearing into his office.

Of course, Blitz wouldn’t know Moxxie’s already tried to text him. None of them have been read. And though he’s tried to ignore it, there’s been something small and awful gnawing away at his heart that makes him feel as though they never will be.

He glances in Loona’s direction, for once grateful to see she’s immersed in her phone.

He clicks on Chaz’s name, hits dial, and waits.

It rings one and a half times before there’s a beep sound and then a robotic voice speaks.

We’re sorry. The number you are calling has been disconnected or is no longer in service.

[razzamachazz]

( * ) owed inbox / starter :  based off this prompt list / Striker had known, at some point or another, he’d get fed up. and this was that moment. nothing is stopping him from literally breaking the fucker’s jaw, claws itching to do so, actually. he doesn’t even remember necessarily what Chaz had said to set him off this much — they were literally in the middle of running away from enemies because of Chaz’s numerous fuck ups. and what did he do to take accountability? what does the idiot do to, at the very least, fix his own shit? the motherfucker makes a joke and laughs while running. 

that was it; that was the moment Striker lost his shit, and thoughts began racing into his mind. with newfound vigor, after rounding the corner, he drags Chaz by the cuff of his wrist ( after much consideration and ultimately not tripping him so that he was immediately killed by the others ) and, almost like one would with a child, essentially haul him over, making sure to slam the shark’s body with intent against the brick wall. the increasing laughter, as if they’re good friends out on a fun adventure. he’d had it with this moron! “are you fucking kidding me?” he hisses out, almost all intention to remain discreet lost. his forearm is slammed against Chaz’s throat with intention to abruptly cut off his breath and, for once, get him to shut up. to get him to understand the gravity of the situation, of who he’s been trying to fuck around with. “The fuck was that shit back there? Ya nearly had us killed, and think it’s funny?! i shoulda left you to get dismembered by those fucks - i can’t keep cleaning up your mess. frankly, i think i oughta kill you right now!” in a flawless movement with his free hand, he grabs his trusted dagger, digging it just ever so on Chaz’s cheek. any small movement would have the steel cut right through the skin. Crimson be damned, he couldn’t take this piece of shit. he leans it just a bit closer, wanting to see the last few moments of his victim’s eyes before they go lifeless ( that’s his favorite part ) and wanting to make sure Chaz knows he means business, “I’m going to give you five seconds,” which was already longer than he’d given most, “to say what you have to say before i cut your throat open.” just to make things fun, knowing the instructions he just provided, he digs his forearm even deeper into Chaz’s throat, making sure he wouldn’t talk without wheezing.

They were tracking down targets, as per usual, but Striker never shared with him the full extent of the plan—if there ever was one. The hitman had a nasty habit of treating Chaz like he was an inept twit unable to tie his own shoes. The shark learned to ignore it. Just like he ignored Striker’s piss-poor reading comprehension so not to damage his companion’s ego, even though he never returned the favor over Chaz’s shortcomings.

He set out on their mission with powder around his nostrils, pregamed for focus and creative stimulation. It also put him in a good fucking mood. Might be that it made him err on the side of clumsiness too because his literal slip-up and stumble gave away their position. Striker seemed unappreciative of the jokes cracked in attempt to ease the tension during their retreat. By the time they rounded the corner, Chaz was brimming with nervous laughter and giddy excitement. He found the chase invigorating and good for the circulation. 

The world spun when Striker grabbed him, and then all the air dispersed out from his lungs as his back collided against a sturdy brick wall. It made him a little lightheaded but the joviality was still there. Striker’s physical aggression and assertive handling wasn't a surprise. It hardly bothered Chaz anymore. But his broad grin faded to a wisp as he was forced into labored breathing. His arms remained down by his sides, allowing Striker to blow off steam by abusing his windpipe. 

“It was kinda funny,” he rasped out a small strangled laugh. Brows furrowed when he caught sight of glinting metal. With the dagger on him, his humor ceased. His expression turned somber, filled with concern and worry, though Striker might mistake it as another form of fear. Only now did he realized just how far he pushed the cowboy on this one. Striker was always angry—always venting out threats that weren't acted on so Chaz developed a blind trust in his buddy. He wouldn't go overboard in his rage. So when Chaz felt the need to apologize, it wasn't to save his own hide. He felt he needed to apologize because he didn't want to lose those ever-so-rare scraps of comradery the two shared. He wanted Striker to like him. 

Chaz was getting ready to speak but the hybrid cut him off by making him choke. Hands raised out of reflex but stopped short of prying Striker’s arm away. They were held up, palms pointed forward, as a sign of surrender. The shark had him beat in size and strength. He could shove him off if he wanted to.. but he didn't.. because he trusted. “Knock it off already,” he wheezed, “We’re friends, aren't we?”

That made Striker pause. Perplexed him enough to lower the dagger... He snapped out of the trance seconds later and returned to full fury. Steel sank through the shark’s torso, right down to the hilt. There was no anguished scream as Striker may have expected. Only a strained grunt and a wet sound of splitting flesh. The noise echoed louder as the blade was slowly drawn out, spilling blood onto the dirt. Chaz’s fingers were drawn to the wound, soaking them in the liquid—as though further confirmation was needed for him to grasp the reality of the situation.

He stared down at his blood-slicked hand with eyes wide, filled with disbelief and a tinge of sorrow. “Why..?” His gaze redirected towards Striker, who also aired confusion. It wasn't a normal response to a stabbing and it left the hitman’s sadistic appetite dolefully unsatisfied. Chaz tried again to find his voice. “Why would you do that?” The words came out flat—death almost—as he was forced to come to terms with a harsh but undeniable truth. His hopes had been irrational. His starvation for friendship led to unreasonable expectations from a man forced to be his colleague. Outside of business, their partnership had always been empty. Meaningless.

Chaz let his lids fall shut while he took a deep breath, sobering himself up by disaffiliating from his thoughts. It wasn't like they were long-time lovers. He could amputate his sentimentality towards Striker like a gangrenous limb and shut himself off if need be. It would be for the best. What his companion would have wanted—to be left alone and unbothered. When Chaz opened his eyes again, his face was void of emotion. Fatigue was setting in, eating down to his bones. “I'll take it more seriously next time,” his tone sounded detached as he stared dead-eyed at the hybrid. A complete personality flip. "It won't happen again."

[yutopia-eleftheria]

Pokémon Sword & Shield Sexuality Headcanons Part 2/3

Percy (Milo) : Pansexual Trans

(Sorry for the T-Pose it was the only I could find that worked :,))

Percy (Milo) was born a female (hence why his face doesn’t really fit his body). Despite looking like this, he likes it a lot, and Galarians likes it too ! They find that cute for some reason, and he is very friendly and caring overall so that’s bonus points.

Wife : Donna (Nessa)

Children : Lane {Son}

                Hope {Daughter}

                Nile {Son}

                Iridesca {Daughter}

Donna (Nessa) : Biromantic Demigirl

Despite looking very feminine, Donna (Nessa) has always considered herself as a Demigirl. As a top model, she didn’t wanted to show off her sexuality that much, but now, she doesn’t care anymore. She doesn’t want to hide or anything, so she fully admits her sexuality now.

She even cut her hair when showing her “true self” !

Husband : Percy (Milo)

Children : Lane {Son}

                Hope {Daughter}

                Nile {Son}

                Iridesca {Daughter}

Kabu : Abroromantic Omniasexual

When he was younger and at the peak of his career, Kabu left his hometown to go live in Galar, and that’s where he found everything, from ideal home to love of his life, and later family.

Unfortunately, he lost his wife because of a terminal disease, and from this day on, he decided to just live his life at the fullest and focus on his career and health despite his age, all for his deceased wife.

He will eventually be with Lona (Melony), and take care of her children together, but of course he will still be there for his own family too. He was said to be a very loving father/grandfather.

Family : Unnamed Wife (deceased)

              Philip Owen {Grandson}

              Faïza (Bea) {Grandaughter}

 Wife : Lona (Melony)

Children : Unnamed Daughter 

                Unnamed Son

                Chaz (Gordie) {Son-In-Law}

                4 Unnamed Children-In-Law     

Faïza (Bea) : Genderfluid Aroace

Faïza (Bea) received a harsh education and training by her family. She is also Kabu’s grandaughter and she loves to train with him. In fact she inherited his terrifying determination and flamboyant fighting spirit. She considers herself as a boy sometimes, and she doesn’t need love. Although she will marry Alistair (Allister), she is protective towards him and doesn’t treat as a lover, or at least she treated him differently compared to classic romances.

Family : Unnamed Parents

             Kabu {Grandfather}

             Philip Owen {Cousin}

             Lona (Melony) {Grandmother-In-Law}

             Chaz (Gordie) {”Father-In-Law”}

Husband : Alistair (Allister)

Children : Aaron {Son}

                Lumos {Son}

                Lunaïs {Son}

                Loreleï {Daughter}

Alistair (Allister) : Demiromantic Bigender

They may be young, but Alistair (Allister) feels like they already know about their sexuality. Being a very shy individual, it takes them a long time to create a solid relationship with someone. Plus they considers themselves both male and female.

Wife : Faïza (Bea)

Children : Aaron {Son}

                Lumos {Son}

                Lunaïs {Son}

                Loreleï {Daughter}

Chaz (Gordie) : Trans Heterosexual

Yup, Chaz (Gordie) was born a girl, but never accepted this, so transition was thought of, and they became the man we now know very well. Unfortunately, as we know it too, he doesn’t get along very well with his mother, who wanted him to follow her legacy and became an Ice Type Gym Leader, but he refused as he prefers Rock Types.

Family : Lona (Melony) {Mother}

              Unnamed Father {deceased}

              4 Unnamed Siblings

              Kabu {Father-In-Law}

              Unnamed Brother-In-Law

              Unnamed Sister-In-Law

              Dhilan (Peony) {Father-In-Law}

              Shehroz (Chairman Rose) {Uncle-In-Law}

              Liv (Oleana) {Aunt-In-Law}

              Arnold {Brother-In-Law}

Wife : Pivonia (Peonia)

Children : Midnight {Son}

                Jane {Daughter}

Lona (Melony) : Panromantic Heterosexual

Lona ( Melony) is a kind and loving individual, and she always wanted to have a big family. Hence why she got 5 children with her husband, who tragically passed away. However, she doesn’t get along very well with her older daughter-now-son Chaz (Gordie). It’s obviously hard to take care of all those kids, but she doesn’t mind as she is very happy and her children are her pride and joy. Plus she will now have Kabu to help her taking care of her children.

Family : Unnamed Husband {deceased}

             Dhilan (Peony) {Brother-In-Law}

             Shehroz (Chairman Rose) {Brother-In-Law}

             Liv (Oleana) {Sister-In-Law}

             Midnight {Grandson}

             Jane {Grandaughter}

             Unnamed Grandchild

Husband : Kabu

Children : Chaz (Gordie) {Son}  

                Pivonia (Peonia) {Daughter-In-Law}           

                4 Unnamed Children             

                Unnamed Son-In-Law

                Unnamed Daughter-In-Law

                Sol {Son-In-Law}

                Rosalie {Daughter-In-Law}

                Masquerade {Son-In-Law}

                Lancelot {Son-In-Law}

                Mia {Daughter-In-Law}

                Arnold {Son-In-Law}

[sinnerzforsaintz]

//Oh yeah! I finally found a name for Depressed Boyfriend! So I can finally add him too xD

Dorien Frey because his body looks like it's falling apart despite maintaining a pretty face, I thought it would be funny if I named him after Dorian Gray

He's Chazs ex but because he works for Crimson he still had to go to Chazs 'wedding' to Moxxie just due to it being business.

He's worked for Crimson for a few years and has the scars and exposed bones to prove it. His hands and tail being the biggest indicators of how this job has effected him, they were lost to an acid mishap but he managed to maintain his limbs (apparently healthcare in hell is really good I mean look at Fizz lol)

He's been sad since Chaz dumped him for an already married man but he's not taking that asshat back (he says like any hurt ex that can be easily swayed lmao)

[smokeitm]

the first band pt. 1

No, I'm not counting middle school concert band. No Sausage is the first band I joined. As I remember it, Cap'n Brutal approached me while I was in art class. He'd come along with Robert Bones, and they asked me if I'd like to join them for the high school talent show. They were my friends, though I'd forgotten that in the haze of what I believed to be deserved self-hatred and isolationism (toxic, yes. I was 16. I like to think I've grown). I said yes, I could play guitar. At the time, I'd been plucking Rammstein riffs on an acoustic that once belonged to my stepsister. I'd taken maybe 8 lessons when I was younger.

I knew I needed to get an electric; though my/my stepsister's guitar had a 1/4 jack out, I couldn't bring a grandpas guitar to a rockband! I asked my math teacher, Charles Squatparrot, if he had a line on any cheap guitars. He'd been my go-to during lunch and when I didn't understand math, which was often, and I'd seen guitars in cases lying around his office. Charles Squatparrot told me he had a "knock-off Korean Fender" (I believe these were his exact words) that he'd bought for a gig that required a black and white theme, but that bass was his main gig. He said I could name my price. I asked how much he'd gotten it for; he said $100.

I showed up the next day with a $100 bill, one of the two I'd stashed in a shoebox. He seemed a little disappointed; I wonder now if he'd have appreciated a card, or a sentimental gift more. But now I had an electric.

I showed up to rehearsal at the end of the week. It was a warm, sunny day, and the choir room was humid. As expected, Cap'n Brutal and Robert Bones were there. Also there was the Dread Pirate Jakoba, one of my middle school bullies and Blonde Charlie the Feared, friend of Robert Bones.

They'd told me the others would be there. I'd wanted to join the band anyways. Call it luck, or the fact that we were a little older, or the fact that I had my friends to back me up, or the fact that we were all connected in some way to one of the other members; I never had a problem with the Dread Pirate Jakoba again. We had a strange coming-of-age conversation with him after one of the practices, though the exact details are lost.

The main issue that day was that Robert Bones and the Dread Pirate Jakoba were already slated to play guitar. We couldn't have three guitarists, could we (you can, we just didn't think of it)?

"You could play bass...?" I remember either Robert Bones or Cap'n Brutal saying. I said something to the affirmative. Guitar and bass; they're basically the same, right? I remember thinking, or maybe saying. Bass is just easier. The choir director, Admiral Chaz, was kind enough to let me borrow his 5-string tiger print bass for rehearsal. He’d built it as a gift for someone. I don't know why they didn't have it instead.

That day, we played along to the three covers we'd selected, easy punk rock and indie songs from artists of significant notoriety. Blonde Charlie the Feared was a beast on drums. Cap'n Brutal glanced at the lyrics on his phone while mine ran the tracks through the PAs. I followed along as best I could; playing guitar had prepared me somewhat for bass-playing. I was familiar enough to understand tabs, and navigating the fretboard was an easy translation. But I wasn't prepared for the roughness of bass strings against my plucking fingers. I can't remember if I continued plucking or if I switched to a pick. I do remember that I ordered a 10 watt sawtooth amp and a cheap no-name bass off Amazon that night (if you can avoid it, do not buy gear off Amazon. Go to your local music shop, even if that’s Guitar Center. Try craigslist, and meet in a public space in broad daylight. Or better; ask your friends or family if they have one already, though none of mine did).

We rehearsed for a week, maybe two. Charles Squatparrot remarked that I was now playing bass despite having bought an electric. I asked him for bass tips; he told me he used the thumb of his fretting hand to press and hold the top string sometimes. I’ve never found practical use for this personally, except when my other fingers need a break.

Sometime before the talent show, Admiral Kristy, the theater director, came by to parse our lineup. Robert Bones asked if he could have a chair and a music stand for handwritten tabs. Admiral Kristy said something to the effect of “this is rock and roll! There’s no sitting in rock and roll!!” I don’t think Robert Bones got his stand nor chair.

The performance was a blur of lights, sound, and applause. I’ve no recollection of the actual event beyond flashes of light on blackbox theater and snapshots of the other acts. I’d played Admiral Chaz’s bass because I feared I’d mess up trying to convert to my new blue four string.

If I’m remembering correctly, Admiral Kristy and Charles Squatparrot both played as well, though in separate acts. There were at least 4-5 other acts.

I stayed until 10-11pm to help Admiral Kristy with teardown.

[darkysilverwing]

Sure, but we’re not just talking about preference of new or old, we’re talking about people being killed. Sure, a copy of them would be there for the new Scottsdale, but that occurred before the deletion announcement was made. The original citizens, however, lived through the apocalypse situation of the deletion. Me and a friend of mine have actually asked the tenderclaws team some questions through emails, so we’ve gotten a few answers on our questions. They did confirm that The Board could’ve chosen to copy themselves as well, but didn’t since deletion is traumatic. (Aka, the board is hypocritical. And comically evil as stated by butter when listening into SizeMediumLatte’s and WSYIWYG’s conversation [though I don’t blame you if you didn’t, it was weird]) Marty states themself that they convinced humans to leave their bodies for the digital world, and how it isn’t fair to them to have done that just to be killed for profit. Though I do question whether that sense of justice carries over to AI, the point is that the citizens are also stuck in deletion, and are made to die because The Board wanted more money.

I actually laughed at Size Medium Late's and Wizzywig's interaction, because yes, they were being a bit cartoonishly evil and hypocritical, but also all the board members were fun enough characters that I didn't mind.

Also that does bring up an interesting question, Marty cares so much about the humans that are dying, even though they're copied over to the next project, and yet they don't seem to care as much about the AI. Or maybe they do but they don't get as much of a chance to discuss it.

All this discussion about the ethics of killing someone if you've already copied them over brings up memories of when I played SOMA, and the discussions therein about the coin flip. Where by copying yourself you're flipping a coin, you get heads and you end up as the copy, you get tails and you're stuck where you were before.

In VVR1 when you're copied into chaz you see both sides of the coin, you see yourself getting uploaded, and then a tube is pushed into chaz and he continues talking to you even though he gets farther and farther away, and then once he's fully gone several chaz bots come by and vaporize you. Then you're on the other side of the coin inside of chaz.

Then in this game, we once again lost the coin flip, there's another drip who probably won the limbo competition because they don't have legs, so they can get right down low to the ground, but they never actually got their voice box fixed because, with the board gone, there was no one to delegate resources in the new venture and the support team probably wont do all 100,000+ maintenance requests without a dedicated resource stream.

This also means that my Drip X Boa ship ideas are still technically viable!

[dustedmagazine]

Listed: Lake Mary

An avid outdoorsperson, Chaz Prymek releases his musical output under the name Lake Mary in honor of the eponymous reservoir in Big Cottonwood Canyon, located in his birth state of Utah.  Being somewhat of a nomad, he has called many American states home, and currently resides in Missouri.  Over the course of his travels, Prymek has collected friends and collaborators, such that Lake Mary evolved from a solo undertaking into a loose collective of like-minded souls.  On Slow Grass, he enlisted a trio of his closest musical companions to honor the life of his recently departed dog, Favorite. In a recent review, Bryon Hayes commented that the record was “[a] graceful and endearing suite, it is a testament to the bond between human and dog, a rumination on the life of a loved one.”  For this edition of Listed, Prymek explores the songs and poems that inspire him to reflect on life, love, and loss.    

Airport People “From Morning no. 1” 

from nine mornings by airport people

There is a quiet revolution happening of more and more people putting sincerity into music again, I know it's always been there, in the way that everything has always been everything, but it seems like either it's becoming easier to find, or maybe I'm softening as I age, or sincerity is in, either way... You can hear the heart of Leon in this album, it feels so sincere to me and found me at the perfect time. I didn't know I needed this album so I could do a lot of healing work, it made space for me to grow into the changes that were happening in my life at the time, it quickly became one of my all time favorite and deeply important records. I got to play with them over this summer and I swear to you the whole room turned shades of violet and yellows and red, like the sun was rising right inside that venue.

Quelle Chris “Ain't Always Living”

DEATHFAME by Quelle Chris

This song stayed on in my car for months this summer. It made its way into my world at just the right time. Learning to love yourself and develop self-worth is an epic journey, especially under capitalism. With what little time we have between work and sleep, we try our best to love and accept love, it doesn't always stick though. We all go through so much in our home lives, we fall in love, we make new friends, we end relationships, we die, our friends die, lose jobs, we protest, we make art we want to share with the world, we plant gardens, we build communities, we cook for our friends and families, we sing songs, we dance, we exhaust ourselves trying to be alive outside work. This song became a constant reminder to look around at what and who is in my life, and to cherish that while it's here.

Ben Seretan “Light Leaks” 

Ben Seretan by Ben Seretan

Ben has made so much music since this came out. All of it is mind blowing and life affirming. However, this song has got me through so many big transitions in my life, over and over. I've learned time and time again from Ben's music, that the heart has to break to let the light in. That's what this song can do, break your heart and put it back together again. This track is a part of me now.

I got to sing this song with him at a show in Brooklyn and sobbed the whole time.

Vera Jean “New Sleep” 

Door 1995 by Louise DeCramer

Sometimes you meet someone once who sticks with you forever. They make their way into your heart quickly and softly, and they make a home there. Sometimes you don't even notice until it's already happened. It's not anyone's purposeful doing, it's not anyone's fault or intent. It's just one of those things. Vera Jean (Louise) has done just that. These albums have soundtracked many long drives back from the farm or swimming holes, the car is silent and grinning with exhaustion... 

There is a different kind of way joy hits when you've lost.

Maya Weeks “Tethers” 

Tethers by Maya Weeks

This album took me back to when I lived on the north coast. It feels like the walk to the coast, over shrubs and between conifers and pillows of fog, revealing a cold, wild and welcoming ocean. Exploring tide pools, poking at urchins, skipping rocks and harvesting kelp and mussels for dinner. It floored me when I first heard it, still does.

Ross Gay & Bon Iver “Catalog of Unabashed Gratitude” 

Dilate Your Heart by Ross Gay

I haven't listened to this without weeping.

What I Didn’t Know Before by Ada Limón 

was how horses simply give birth to other

horses. Not a baby by any means, not

a creature of liminal spaces, but already

a four-legged beast hellbent on walking,

scrambling after the mother. A horse gives way

to another horse and then suddenly there are

two horses, just like that. That’s how I loved you.

You, off the long train from Red Bank carrying

a coffee as big as your arm, a bag with two

computers swinging in it unwieldily at your

side. I remember we broke into laughter

when we saw each other. What was between

us wasn’t a fragile thing to be coddled, cooed

over. It came out fully formed, ready to run.

____________

This poem has been read back and forth between myself and some friends as a way to say I'm thinking of you or taking you with me.

Reconocimiento // Acknowledgement by Alejandra Pizarnik 

Tu haces el silencio de las lilas que aletean

en mi tragedia del viento en el corazón.

Tu hiciste de mi vida un cuento para niños

en donde naufragios y muertes

son pretextos de ceremonias adorables 

// 

You made the silence of the lilacs fluttering

in the tragedy of wind that is in my heart.

You turned my life into a children's tale

where shipwrecks and death

are an excuse for a beloved ceremonies. 

____________ 

When I read this once, it clicked and this book opened up to me. I read this poem aloud to Emma in the park the other day and it silenced us both. I could write many records about what this paints in my head.

People by Yevgeny Yevtushenko  

No people are uninteresting.

Their fate is like the chronicle of planets.

 Nothing in them is not particular,

and planet is dissimilar from planet.

 And if a man lived in obscurity

making his friends in that obscurity

obscurity is not uninteresting.

 To each his world is private,

and in that world one excellent minute.

 And in that world one tragic minute.

These are private.

 In any man who dies there dies with him

his first snow and kiss and fight.

It goes with him.

 There are left books and bridges

and painted canvas and machinery.

Whose fate is to survive.

 But what has gone is also not nothing:

by the rule of the game something has gone.

Not people die but worlds die in them.

 Whom we knew as faulty, the earth’s creatures

Of whom, essentially, what did we know?

 Brother of a brother? Friend of friends?

Lover of lover?

 We who knew our fathers

in everything, in nothing.

 They perish. They cannot be brought back.

The secret worlds are not regenerated.

 And every time again and again

I make my lament against destruction. 

____________ 

I have been thinking about this poem for years. You can think you know most things about somebody, until their funeral. As you watch people you've never met come and say how much this same person meant to them, stories you've never heard, then sharing making friends because you have lived on two sides of the same world. You can start to see one world fade and a new one begin in the light still shining from this person's universe that was and is much bigger than you ever expected.

Mary Oliver— Dog Songs

“You may not agree, you may not care, but

if you are holding this book you should know that of all the sights I love in this world,

and there are plenty,

very near the top of the list is this one:

dogs without leashes.” 

_______________ 

This book is so special to me. I would read this aloud to my pup for years before she passed away. 

Thank ya'll for having me. 

I hope someone can find something in here to resonate with.

[the-iceni-bitch]

The Bitch is Back

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x fem!Reader (OTP)

Words: ~2.8k

Summary: You run into Ransom’s cunt of an ex again and it goes about as well as expected.

Warnings: explicit language, Ransom looking like a whole snack, fluff, that blonde bitch, Linda being a cunt, extremely abusive language and allusions to past emotional abuse, more angst than I had intended, my undying love for these two idiots, too many feelings

A/N: I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her! Sorry everyone, the angst took over this one and what I had intended to be another fun romp a la Girl Fight turned into a pit of emotion that I couldn’t dig myself out of. I’m gonna go cry.

“Baby, you know we can just go home, right?” Ransom gave you a tired but indulgent smile when he looked at you, tucking his fingers under your chin and tilting your head back so he could look into your eyes while you swallowed thickly.

“No, I’m not gonna give your mother the satisfaction of seeing me duck out of this thing.” You got that stubborn set to your jaw that told him to quit trying to take care of you, because proving to his bitch mother you could actually make it through one of these stupid events without causing some kind of scene was more important than your comfort right now.

You felt bile rise in your throat and swallowed it again. This was fucking ridiculous, you weren’t even on a boat, just the dock. But you still felt like you were going to vomit at any second, watching the motion of the boats rocking on the water making your gut lurch. It almost made you wonder if Linda knew about your stomach’s aversion to being on water when she had insisted on the two of you attending their fucking sailing club’s final regatta. 

“Here we go, one scopolamine patch.” You could’ve kissed Anne when she handed it to you, grateful that Ben’s boat was moored in this marina so you didn’t have to spend the rest of this stupid thing constantly swallowing your own vomit. “Why didn’t you bring your own?”

“She said she’d be fine if she didn’t actually go on the boats.” Ransom ignored the glare you shot him when he talked to Anne over your head, rubbing your arm softly when he pulled you closer to him.

“Did I tell you how much I hate that you two get along?” You frowned when Ransom pressed his lips to your hair, slapping the patch on your neck and sighing when you felt your stomach start to settle.

Anne just laughed at you, shaking her head as she sipped on her cocktail and leaned against Ben. The fact that this guy actually treated you like you deserved did a lot to endear him to her, even if he was an asshole sometimes.

You had been worried at first about introducing Anne to Ransom’s idiot friends, no matter how much they had grown on you. But your friend could hold her own, her no nonsense attitude endearing her to the girls as she chewed out Logan for some dumbass comment while Dylan and Chaz just chuckled that now there were two of you.

This was one of the few things that you actually felt out of your element with, since you could not give a single fuck about sailing with your stupid seasickness. But you could tell Ran was enjoying himself, and every fucking time he got near the water he looked so fucking windswept and dreamy so it was well worth the nausea. That was all gone now though, the scopolamine making you feel just the tiniest bit drowsy and pleasantly warm while Ran pulled you tight against his chest as he whistled for his team’s boat between nuzzling himself into your hair with pleased little hums. Even Linda giving you some vicious side eye couldn’t break you out of your good mood, the warmth of Ransom wrapped around you like a balm for your typical nervous energy. Then you heard Jess mutter an “oh shit” and the sound of a bratty, whiny voice broke right through your pleasant haze and made your spine stiffen.

“Rannie?” That fucking blonde bitch would show up to something like this, just to ruin your day. “I thought that was you. Oh, still with your tramp, I see.”

“Sloane.” His grip around you grew almost painfully tight, growling into your neck as he did his best to take deep breaths. “Don’t you have some puppies to skin, or something?”

You grabbed his hand and wound your fingers through his as you felt him tense up, pressing your lips to the inside of his wrist in an attempt to help him calm down. It had been your sincere hope that after you beat the shit out of this cunt you would never have to see her again, but when had you ever been that lucky?

“Aww, Rannie, thought you couldn’t talk without this bitch’s permission.” She looked mildly uncomfortable when you shifted your gaze to her, your eyes narrowing in a warning that she chose to ignore. “Been missing you a whole lot, baby, when’re you gonna stop slumming around?”

“What the fuck do you want, Sloane?” You were chanting over and over in your head that you were not going to fight this cunt, catching Anne starting to square up from the corner of your eye and giving her a small shake of the head to get her to stand down.

“I’m not talking to you, slut.” She must’ve been drunk, you had definitely taught her her lesson last time. “Just because you can give this bastard a good, sloppy fuck doesn’t mean you get to keep him. You don’t know what he really needs, and he’s too fucking stupid to tell you. God, you’re only sticking with him because he’s such a good fuck, right? That’s like, his only redeeming quality, except for the money. And you and your low class pussy don’t even know what to do with such a fine piece of eye candy.”

“Ok, you need to leave, Sloane.” Ransom may have been full of the anxiety he always felt around his ex, but the way your whole body was wound tight like a spring let him know you were ready to get violent. So he pressed a brief, soothing kiss to your hair and moved to guide this drunk bitch away from another beating.

“Don’t you fucking touch me, god, you really are a fucking moron.” Sloane jerked away from him when he tried to guide her away from your group, turning and sneering derisively at him. “Fuck’s sake, Linda was right, she really should have aborted you so we wouldn’t have to deal with your stupid bull shit.”

“What the fuck did you just say?” You reached your arm out to grip Ransom’s shoulder on instinct when he recoiled like he had been slapped, pulling him towards you protectively as you stared disbelieving at the people around you. “What the fuck did she just say?”

Sloane was just grinning at you wickedly as she sipped on her drink, like she had never and would never do anything wrong in her life. You almost forgot your promise you’d made to not get yourself kicked out of this event, but then Ran was clutching at your waist and making a choked sound and you turned back to him with concern.

There was no one to hold back Anne though, and she hadn’t made any promises about being on her best behavior. So she handed Ben her purse and punched that bitch right in the jaw.

You just gave a grateful look to your best friend before she bitch slapped that twat, security already starting to rush towards the fight as you guided Ransom towards the parking lot while he tried to regulate his breathing.

“Baby? Hey, Ran, look at me.” You’d never seen him look so completely lost, his eyes glistening with pent up emotion when you finally got him to look at you and you felt your heart break. “Oh honey, can you make it to the car?” He just nodded at you as another strangled sob escaped his throat and every fiber of your being ached to give him some form of comfort. “Ok, gimme the keys.”

He handed them to you and you wound your arm around him to guide him towards the beemer, letting him lean heavily on your shoulder and murmuring soft, soothing noises to him as you tried to think of something you could do for him. You knew that bitch was an abusive piece of work but Ran had been so hesitant to talk about it and you didn’t want to push him about it before he was ready, but if the way he reacted to her barb was any indication of how she treated him you might end up killing that bitch.

Ransom’s breathing seemed even more ragged by the time you reached the beemer, barely giving you a chance to shove the front seat down so the two of you could climb into the back and you could instruct him to stretch out over your lap. Your own throat was starting to get tight when he let out a wretched sob, the fingers of one hand running through his hair while the other smoothed over his chest as you watched his face closely.

“Baby, I need you to breathe for me, ok?” You were trying your best to keep your voice low and even, taking a deep breath and waiting for him to mirror your actions until he was pressing his face to your stomach with a piteous whine once his breathing had regulated slightly. “That’s it, you’re doing so good, Ran, just keep breathing.” 

He sighed deeply when you continued murmuring soft words of praise to him, his fingers curling over yours on his chest as he looked up at you and felt the softness of your gaze spread like warmth through his body. 

“I’m sorry.” He moaned when you pulled gently on his hair, his voice raspy with the tears he’d managed to swallow.

“No, baby.” You curled over him and brushed your lips over his forehead, trying not to cry when he wrapped his arms around your neck and let out another shaky breath. “You don’t apologize, ever, you hear me?”

“I thought I was over this shit.” He buried his face in your neck and breathed deep, your warm scent washing over him and finally making him relax. “I don’t want to put this on you.”

“Listen to me, Ransom.” You pulled back a little so you could gaze into his eyes, resting your forehead against his and maneuvering until you were laying next to him across the backseat. “I don’t know if you really think I’m just with you for the sex or what, but when I say I love you, I fucking mean it. I love all of you, so much, and that means that you can put all of it on me, ok? I’m not going anywhere.”

“Fuck, I love you, too.” He whined when you pressed your lips to his gently, drinking you in and pulling you to him as tight as possible when you let him deepen the kiss. “Need you so much.”

“I know, Ransom, I’m here.” You moved your lips up to his cheeks when he finally let his tears start to fall, kissing each one that stained his cheeks as you splayed your body over his while he held you. “My sweet boy, it’s ok. Let go for me, baby.”

He buried his face in your shoulder and did as you asked. It wasn’t loud or dramatic, but you could feel the warm wetness of his tears against the bare flesh of your neck while his chest heaved against yours. You cooed soft words of encouragement into his hair as he wept, letting a few of your own tears fall as you felt the tension slowly seep from his body.

Neither of you were sure how long you laid there tangled with each other, but eventually Ransom felt the last of the pain drain out of him until he was sinking against the seat with exhaustion. Having you there with him was like a balm for his soul, the way your eyes moved to search his once you felt him let out a deep sigh making his lips quirk in a small smile. His eyes were brilliantly blue from the tears he had shed, but you could see a glimmer of something hopeful there, and that made you relax. You sighed when he framed your face with his hands and pulled your lips back to his, the kiss chaste but full of emotion that he was too exhausted to vocalize at the moment.

“You ready to go home?” You pressed your hand over his heart when you leaned back a little, glad to feel that it had slowed down to a normal rhythm as he nodded for you. “Ok, you just stay back here and rest, alright? When we get home I’m gonna draw us a nice bath and we’ll just spend the rest of the day vegging.”

“That sounds good.” He watched you climb back into the front seat with a deep breath, squeezing your hand when you let it linger on his chest before letting you pull it away with reluctance.

You peeked at him through the rear view mirror before pulling out, relieved when you watched his eyes drift closed as he sagged into the seat and let his exhaustion take over. It almost hurt you how much you loved that man, and if you ever saw that cunt who hurt him again, there was a good chance you were going to jail for him.

Ransom was still dozing by the time you pulled up to the house, but he roused quickly when he felt you shake him awake. He let you help him out of the car and smiled warmly at you when you brought your hand up to cup his jaw, humming contentedly when you let him bury his face in your hair as you guided him into the house.

You pressed a kiss to his cheek once you were inside and instructed him to go to the en suite while you got some wine, watching him closely as he headed up the stairs before moving to grab a good bottle from the rack. There was a buzzing from your purse and you pulled out your phone, texting Anne that everything was ok and no, you didn’t need her to smash that bitch’s windows in. She was detailing all the ways she was going to fuck that cunt up and making you chuckle when suddenly the last caller ID you expected flashed across your screen.

“Can I help you with something, Linda?” You poured the Syrah into a decanter and moved to grab a couple of glasses, curious why exactly she was calling you.

“Y/N…” she sounded massively uncomfortable but you could not bring yourself to give a single fuck. “I just… I heard what Sloane said and I wanted to make sure Ransom was alright. He wasn’t answering my calls though.”

“Good for him.” You chewed on your lip as you considered what you wanted to say to her. “Was she lying?”

“What?”

“Did you tell your own child you should have aborted him? Or was that abusive cunt you kept forcing down your son’s throat being a lying bitch?” 

“I never… I didn’t tell him.” She still sounded like she thought she was in the right, and you might have spit in her face if she was in front of you.

“Oh, but you said it, didn’t you?” You sneered and downed the glass of wine you’d poured when you saw her number pop up. She didn’t deny it, and you quickly moved to pour yourself another glass. “You’re a fucking piece of work, Linda.”

“I don’t have to explain myself to you.” You could  practically hear her spine straightening over the phone and you rolled your eyes at her. “You don’t know what it was like trying to raise him. Stubborn and spoiled and…”

“Goodbye, Linda. Don’t fucking call either of us again.” You hung up before she could continue, tossing your phone across the counter and draining your glass before grabbing the decanter and glasses before heading upstairs.

“Hey, baby.” He was already soaking when you walked into the steam filled en suite, his head leaning back against the edge of the drop in tub and giving you a lazy grin. “You have trouble picking a wine?”

“No.” You set the decanter and glasses on the tray at the tub’s edge and pinned your hair off your neck before getting undressed and sliding into the water with him. “I had to talk to your mother.” 

“Oh, you had to?” He pulled you against his chest and sighed when you tucked your face into his neck.

“Yeah, I wanted to make sure she didn’t disturb us for the rest of the weekend.” You took a deep breath when he started trailing his fingers over your spine, the warmth of the water seeping through your body and helping you relax as you sank into him. “You wanna talk about what happened?”

“Later.” His arms wound tightly around you, nuzzling into your hair and breathing in the scent of you that always made him feel like he was home. “Just wanna hold you for now.”

[tamtam-go92]

Sim ages at the start of my Uberhood

I'm using a 2 days = 1 year age mod to play this new Uberhood I'm panning (and actually already started to play when I need pause from the Somersets) and with a really difficult algorithm I have calculated each Sim's age with the default aging system and translated it into their age with the mod, all with the help of SimPE (I have quite a lot of free time currently xD). So to keep track of everyone's start age, here's my masterpost, it's simply for my own convenience. I plan to make every name a link that leads you to the chronological tag (that didn't work, there seems to be a link-limit?).

If you didn't notice: there is now a Masterpost with all families (might contain mild spoilers): click!

87: Luis Aspir 84: Carlos Contender 63: Olive Specter, Patrizio Monty 59: Dora Ottomas 58: Mortimer Goth 57: Herb Oldie 56: Consort Capp 55: Coral Oldie, Betty Goldstein, PT9 Smith, Isabella Monty 54: Denise Jacquet, Herbert Goodie, Faith Goodie, Catherine Viejo 49: Daniel Pleasant 47: Mary-Sue Pleasant 44: Jason Cleveland 43: Marissa Cleveland, Edward Contrary 42: Benjamin Baldwin, Albany Capp 41: Vivian Cho, Stephen Tinker, Morty Roth 39: Isabel Baldwin, Wanda Tinker, Opal Contrary, Marcel Jocque, Sophia Jocque, Stella Roth 36: Gilbert Jacquet, Darren Dreamer, Buzz Grunt 35: Leod McGreggor 34: Checo Ramirez 33: Florence Delarosa, Antonio Monty 32: Lisa Ramirez, Pascal Curious 31: Timothy Riley, Loki Beaker, Lola Curious, Cornwall Capp 30: Elizabeth Aspir, Issac Bell, Hannah Bell, John Burb, Jason Greenman, Goneril Capp, Peter Ottomas 29: Armand DeBateau, Jessica Peterson, Victor Aspir, Brandi Broke, Rose Greenman, Samantha Ottomas 28: Circe Beaker, Vidcund Curious, Ajay Loner, Erin Beaker, Bianca Monty 27: Sanjay Ramaswami, Priya Ramaswami 26: Ramir Patel, Jennifer Burb, Gabe O'Mackey, Alexandra O'Mackey 25: Gabriel Green, Ana Patel, Cassandra Goth, Patricia Wan, Kristen Loste, Regan Capp 24: Chastity Gere, Matthew Picaso, Andrew Martin, Nervous Subject, Oberon Summerdream 23: Geoff Rutherford, Sharon Wirth, Jessica Picaso, Dina Caliente, Nina Caliente, Don Lothario, Lazlo Curious, Chloe Curious, Titania Summerdream, Kent Capp 22: Samantha Cordial, Kimberly Cordial, Connor Weir, Malcolm Landgraab IV, Chester Gieke, Jason Larson, Jodie Larson, John Mole, Natasha Una, Trent Traveller, Trisha Traveller, Julien Cooke, Nathan Gavigan, Mary Gavigan, Cyd Roseland, Robert Kim, Cynthia Kim, Tara Kat, Cleo Shikibu 20: Gunnar Roque, Jane Stacks 19: Roxie Sharpe, Jonah Powers, Guy Wrightley, Mickey Dosser, Monica Bratford, Ashley Pitts, Brittany Upsnott 18: Mitch Indie, Max Flexor, Delilah O'Feefe, Edwin Sharpe, Marla Biggs, Phineaus Furley, Ellen Frost, Chaz Whippler, Emily Lee, Tom Freshe, Matthew Hart, DJ Verse, Sarah Love, Jessie Pilferson, Jasmine Rai, Zoe Zimmerman, Frances J. Worthington III, Aldric Davis, Almeric Davis, William Williamson, Blossom Moonbeam, Klara Vonderstein, Martin Ruben, Allegra Gorey, Joshua Ruben, Kevin Beare, Castor Nova, Tiffany Sampson, Heather Huffington, Sam Thomas, Jared Starchild, Ty Bubbler, Jimmy Phoenix, Erik Swain 17: Johnny Smith, Ophelia Nigmos, 15: Tank Grunt, Tybalt Capp 14: Mercutio Monty 13: Ripp Grunt, Juliette Capp, Romeo Monty, David Ottomas 12: Justin Cleveland, Angela Pleasant, Lilith Pleasant, Sandra Roth, Jacob Martin, Puck Summerdream 11: Rick Contrary, Violet Jocque, Dustin Broke, Dirk Dreamer, Jules O'Mackey, Hermia Capp, Miranda Capp 10: Tara DeBateau, Melody Tinker, Gavin Newson, Ginger Newson 08: Alexander Goth, Buck Grunt, Hal Capp, Beatrice Monty, Benedick Monty 07: Sofia Baldwin, Daniel Bell, Jill Smith, Bottom Summerdream, Desdemonda Capp, Sharla Ottomas 06: Sally Riley, Tessa Ramirez, Tina Traveller, Isaiah Gavigan, Gabrielle Newson, Gallagher Newson, Justin Kim, Xander Roth 03: Beau Broke 02: Markus Baldwin, Etsu Cho 01: Pauline Aspir, Garrett Newson, Georgia Newson, Daisy Greenman, Ariel Capp, Tommy Ottomas

[youcouldmakealife]

LBTE: Jared (37-40)

In which Bryce’s drinking turns into, well, a powder keg situation, a cornered Bryce lashes out, Jared struggles to express concern without judgment, Chaz ‘no snide’ Rossi honestly probably saves their relationship, and a crying Bryce means a crying Taylor. 

Series page if you want to follow along.

37. Powder Keg

Fuck, Jared doesn’t want to play for a shitty team.

Haha sucks to be future you.

shit tly frgt u wr bk brt sry, Bryce sends, which is basically indecipherable.

Shit totally forgot you were back be right there sorry, if you also need the translation.

“Sorry,” Bryce says again — Jared figured out that one too — when he walks in the door twenty minutes later.

“No worries,” Jared says, but he reverses that immediately when he gets a better look at Bryce, who’s practically weaving on his feet. He nearly fucking goes down head first when he tries to get his shoes off.

This is gonna hurt.

“Few guys recognised us, bought us drinks,” Bryce says, which isn’t an answer.

Which is in turn code for ‘the fuckboy persona was firmly on with both teammates and fans and Bryce drank his way through it’.

“Sorry,” Jared mumbles, then heads upstairs before she can take the apology as permission to ask again, because the longer he stays, the more likely he is to spill it all, and the deck’s stacked enough against Bryce with his parents as it is. Not that he wouldn’t deserve it being stacked more, considering, but Jared doesn’t want to blow shit up just because he’s pissed off now.

This tendency of Jared’s not to go into any arguments he has with Bryce because his parents already disapprove probably salvaged Bryce’s long term relationship with them, but it really left him without a safety net outside of Raf (and later Chaz)

Bryce is sitting on the couch when Jared lets himself in, looks up at Jared with this expression that’s half conciliatory, half — Jared doesn’t know how to describe it. Braced for something, maybe. Which is probably good.

Half very defensive. This is a sore af subject for Bryce.

“I don’t want to date someone who gets trashed and then punches someone or fucking gets in a car accident,” Jared says. “Do you not get that? The shit they say about you being a fucking wild card who can’t control himself, I know that’s not you, but it isn’t not not you either.”

This. Bryce has lost control of himself sober as well, but alcohol has definitely been an accelerant.

“Look, you’re like, seventeen, so maybe—” Bryce says.

“Oh don’t give me that condescending ‘you’re seventeen’ shit,” Jared says. “Just because I’m not legal yet doesn’t mean I’ve never drank before. I just know my goddamn limits.”

“Right,” Bryce says. “I forgot, you’re perfect. Always home by curfew, never drink more than—”

“This isn’t about me,” Jared snaps. “This is about me being worried about you.”

Jared worried comes off a lot like Jared judgy sometimes. (Possibly because judgy is Jared’s default state, and worry is no exception.)

��You’re being worse than my fucking mom right now,” Bryce says.

“Then maybe she needs to be harder on you,” Jared says. “Someone clearly does.”

That crossed a line Jared didn’t know was there. Bryce is defensive in general when on the back foot? If you bring Elaine into it he’s going onto the offensive.

Bryce returns with a fucking beer, twists off the cap like he’s punctuating something, taking a long sip that’s a non-verbal equivalent of ‘go fuck yourself’.

“What are you even doing right now?” Jared asks.

“What does it look like?” Bryce asks.

“Bryce, for fuck’s—”

“Better leave,” Bryce says. “Wouldn’t want your mom getting pissed.”

And that would be the offensive.

He heads out so furious he doesn’t remember to grab his math textbook, and there’s no fucking way he’s going back for it now, has to sit in the front seat of his car until his hands stop shaking too much for him to drive.

Jared’s poor math grades.

38. Storm Cloud

“At least the Flames are doing well right now,” his grandma says brightly, her standard subject change when things are shit (well, when the Flames aren’t shit, which was rare until lately), and it is — unhelpful.

“Yeah,” his mom says. “I’ve been impressed by Bryce Marcus this season.”

Susan is such a troll.

Jared throws his phone — onto the bed, he’s not stupid enough to break it, especially since there’s like a year left on the plan before he can get another one.

Even when Jared’s having his drama queen moments he is very conscious of not doing regrettable things. Unless he is making words with his mouth. That can go awry.

“Going for a run,” he tells his mom, and heads out the door to her, “Jared, it’s freezing out there—”

It kind of is, but it isn’t long until he warms up enough that the hoodie feels like too much, and thankfully for once the sidewalks are mostly free of snow. He’s got to watch his feet for any black ice, though, which is just enough distraction to keep him from focusing solely on Bryce — it’s more 95%. This was a bad idea. Why the fuck did he think running would distract him? Running’s when the bad thoughts decide to loudly make their presence known, and he didn’t need the help this time.

Jared turns back before long, because he’s running pissed, and that’s never a good thing.

No regrettable actions!!! Jared retreats!

“No bad vibes allowed in my house,” Chaz says. “And your vibe sucks.”

Chaz Rossi calling it like it is.

“Is it the travel?” Chaz asks. “That’s like, every single fight Ashley and I have.”

Ashley. That’s his girlfriend’s name.

And we’re adding Ashley to the crew!!!

“You tell him this shit?” Chaz asks.

“I mean, basically,” Jared says. “He got super defensive about it, so. We’re kind of not talking right now.”

“Did you tell him like, what you told me?” Chaz asks. “Or did you do it all ‘you’?”

He did it all him, Chaz. He did it all him.

“I dunno if anyone’s ever told you this before,” Chaz says. “But you’re kind of, like, snide sometimes.”

“Hey,” Jared says. “I am not.”

Jared.

“Dude,” Chaz says. “Seriously. Were you snide?”

“I was…maybe a little snide,” Jared says.

THANK you.

“Maybe try without the snide?” Chaz asks.

“It just comes naturally to me,” Jared says weakly.

“Oh, I can tell,” Chaz says.

“Hey,” Jared says. “That was kind of snide, Chaz.”

“Must be like, from proximity,” Chaz says.

I love you Chaz.

He heads home after the pizza, Chaz giving him a bro hug and then this weirdly earnest ‘you got this, dude’. Jared’s pretty sure he doesn’t, but it feels good to hear someone say it.

Earnestness isn’t weird, Jared, you’re just a hobgoblin.

Can we talk? Jared writes, adds Without a beer this time, then deletes it. Not that Bryce doesn’t deserve it, but it’s probably not the way to get him to agree, and it may be, in the words of one Chaz Rossi, ‘snide’.

Yes. That would indeed be ‘snide’.

39. Breaking it Down

Will I be able to read this part without crying because Bryce is crying and when Bryce cries I cry? We shall see!

gonna talk to bj?

Yeah, after school. Jared texts back.

good luck dude. no snide

Jared rolls his eyes, but smiles a little. No snide, he texts back.

GO TEAM, NO SNIDE.

“How’re you?” Jared asks, kind of awkward, not sure what to say, or like, whether to give Bryce a hug or kiss him or keep his distance because they’re fighting. He hates this.

Bryce shrugs a little, which is emphatically unhelpful.

Jared goes snide? Bryce goes sullen. It’s not a great combo.

“If you’re not around why do you even fucking care?” Bryce asks. “It’s not like it affects you.”

“It doesn’t affect me?” Jared says. “Are you serious right now?”

“Well you’re not there,” Bryce mutters.

“You think, what,” Jared says. “I suddenly stop giving a shit about you when I’m not within ten feet of you?”

Bryce shrugs a little.

Ugh this is about to get to the root of so many insecurities and — fuck, this part always guts me.

“I’m not giving you an ultimatum,” Jared says. “I can’t stop you from drinking when I’m not around, honestly, and I don’t want you hiding shit just because you’ll think that’s what’ll get me to shut up about it.”

This is a good move.

“I didn’t say that,” Jared says. “I’m not asking you to like, never drink again, just stop drinking so much you hit ‘hey, a felony would be a goddamn great idea’. Or, I don’t know, if you’re getting there and it’s hard to stop, instead of having another, call me.”

This is also a good move. See what happens when you practice what you’re going to say first, and attempt to get your concerns across and offer solutions instead of leaning into the snide? Positive results, Jared!

“How am I supposed to know that?” Bryce says. “What, do you think everyone goes around with a Breathalyzer or some shit?”

“Okay, this is — getting off track,” Jared says, instead of ‘maybe you should have checked before you got in a car with him’, because it’s just going to make things worse, turn into the same argument as last time, Bryce a brick wall that doesn’t listen to anything Jared says, still believing this is somehow about breaking Jared’s mom’s rule. “I want to break this down into like…discrete things, so I can be sure you’re getting what I’m saying.”

Deep breaths, no snide, back to what he practiced because he knew he needed to get it across.

“I love you,” Jared says. “We’re like — that one you get, right? That I love you?”

“You too,” Bryce mumbles, which is like. Giving Jared a bit of hope there.

“Okay, and building off that, because I love you, I care what happens to you, whether I’m there or not,” Jared says. “You still with me?”

“I told you I’m not stupid,” Bryce says.

Oh Bryce.

“I know,” Jared says. “But you seem to believe the first thing and not the second one and I don’t get it. Like, obviously I care what happens to you. Can you — can you sit by me, maybe?”

“Why?” Bryce asks.

“Because you’re too far away and I hate it,” Jared says, and Bryce chews his lip for a moment before getting up, sitting on the other side of the couch. It’s still too far, but Jared isn’t going to push it right now.

Physical touch love language, baby.

“Yes,” Bryce says. “You are. And you don’t think I’ve heard this before? You think this is any different from being hauled into front office? I’m so fucking sick of people yelling at me and acting like I’m fucking stupid.”

Jared bites down hard on what wants to come out of his mouth, that Bryce isn’t, but he’s done stupid fucking shit. Opposite of helpful.

Yes good call. That would have…not gone well. Understatement.

“And I thought you were—” Bryce says.

“Thought I was what?” Jared prompts, when Bryce doesn’t finish.

Bryce shrugs, jerky.

“Bryce,” Jared says.

“I just, I get all this shit, and everyone treats me like I’m like, this fucking mess, and the media keeps telling everyone I’m a fucking mess, and you just —” Bryce says. “You too, apparently.”

For all Jared’s snide, and the fact that Jared was objectively REALLY MEAN to him at the beginning, Jared’s become a safe place for Bryce, someone he can be his authentic self with, someone he can drop the persona (and who doesn’t LIKE the persona, likes the real Bryce and not the fake one), literally the only non-family member he’s done that with since he was a crybaby kid (and mocked like crazy for that) and so he’s so, so vulnerable to getting his feelings hurt because he’s laid himself bare, so when Jared digs in, he’s got no protection.

“Bryce,” Jared says, and when Bryce doesn’t respond, staring at his hands, Jared reaches out and takes one. Bryce flinches, a little, but he doesn’t pull away, and that’s — something, right? Jared hopes it’s something. “Do you honestly think I’d be with you if I thought that?”

Bryce shrugs, and honestly, Jared hates that shrug, because it increasingly looks like a shrug of ‘I’m dismissing what you’re saying’, and that’s —

“You’re like, one of the nicest people I’ve ever met,” Jared says. “And I don’t know why you don’t show that all the time to like, everyone, but I’m really glad you show it to me. And you’re crazy fucking talented, I can’t even comprehend how you do some of the shit you do on the ice. And you’re totally a mama’s boy. Which I find like, kind of adorable.”

Bryce sniffs once, and if Bryce starts crying, Jared actively has no idea what to do. He threads their fingers, and Bryce lets him, squeezes back a little when Jared tightens his grip.

“Your hockey IQ is straight up insane, and I have no idea how you like, memorise everything I like the second I mention it, and your taste in TV is kind of shitty but I honestly don’t mind because I feel fucking crazy whenever I’m around you, so I usually can’t focus on anything but you anyway,” Jared says. “You’re not the shit they say about you, okay? I know you.”

Bryce squeezes harder, on the wrong edge of painful, but there’s no fucking way Jared’s letting go.

“Do you not get by now that I think you’re fucking amazing?” Jared says. “Because if you don’t, I’m really sorry I haven’t told you that like, constantly. Because you are.”

And — now Jared is completely at a loss, because Bryce is definitely crying, something that starts quiet, just his shoulders shaking a little, and then becomes this ugly, heartbreaking thing.

Bryce needed to hear this so badly. And yes I am tearing up.

“Fuck,” Jared says. “Come here?”

Bryce does, letting go of Jared’s hand to fist his hands in Jared’s shirt, his face hidden in Jared’s throat, Jared’s skin damp, hands on Bryce’s shaking back.

“Bryce,” Jared says helplessly, and he can’t think of anything he can do except hold on, so that’s what he does.

Whenever Jared’s not sure what to do with Bryce’s emotions (because they are SO BIG and Jared is SO OVERWHELMED BY THEM he just holds on tight. That’s his reflex. Just be there for Bryce for the duration. And it helps.