#And I recently bought one for myself! Nothing changed haha

[noctilionoidea]

Mortar and pestals make a good stim toy. Huh.

[ticklish-n-stuff]

PJSekai tickles: Tsukasa x Toya

Im not sure what to name this, im sorry :<

This is a tickle fic btw, you were warned!!!

On a side note, I got this card in the chinese server so yay :DDD

So my newest obsession has been project sekai for these past weeks and in light of the recent event in the global server I've been craving some Tsukasa x Toya (platonically). Since i can't find anything and am too shy to ask other writers I'll do it myself!

My interpretation for these characters might not be super accurate so sorry in advance :>

Also this fic occurs during the doll festival event

Enjoy!

___________________________________________

Tsukasa x Toya (platonic but interpret as you wish)

Ler: Tsukasa

Lee: Toya

Warnings: Tickling! Crappy writing

___________________________________________

Yesterday, Toya had helped his senpai, Tsukasa, buy some new dolls for Saki for their annual doll festival event. They spent a lot of time choosing those dolls and he hopes that Saki will like them. Well, all those hopes came crumbling down the next day. During lunch break, Toya runs into Tsukasa and hes not looking so good.

"Oh, Toya! I want to thank you again for helping me out yesterday!"

He seems as loud as ever, but Toya can tell something happened...

"Are you okay, Tsukasa? I sent you a text this morning but it says that you haven't even seen it".

"A text? Thats weird...I haven't gotten anything..." When Tsukasa went to check for his phone, he realised that he left it at home this morning when he rushed out to school.

"Oh crap! I left it at home...! Was there something you needed to tell me?".

"It's nothing of importance, I just wanted to know if Saki liked the dolls you bought for her".

Tsukasa's face was instantly overtaken by a frown.

"Did something happen...?".

Tsukasa proceeds to explain the fight that escalated this morning with his sister, Saki, over the new dolls he bought.

"I see...". Toya is sad to hear that Saki didn't like the new dolls. He knew how much effort Tsukasa put into picking them out and his help seems to have been in vain.

Tsukasa quickly notices the sad expression in Toya's face.

"No! Dont feel bad! It wasn't your fault!"

After knowing each other for so long, Tsukasa already knew how guilty Toya must be feeling.

As he tried to reassure his junior, he poked him in the stomach a few times to get his point across. What he wasn't expecting was the yelp that came out of Toya's mouth.

Tsukasa's face quickly changed into a smirk, knowing the perfect way to cheer him up.

"Wow Toya, I almost forgot how ticklish you are!".

Toya's cheeks were tainted pink at the comment. Before he could properly react, Tsukasa's hands started squeezing gently at his sides.

"WaHAit! PeHEople could sehehee!!". Right now the two of them were in the middle of the hallway, surprisingly it was empty.

"There's no one out here now so you should be good! Tickle tickle, Toya~!"

"GAHH! Hahahahahaha! Tsukahahahasa!!". Tsukasa was currently scribbling at his tummy and poor Toya couldn't take it, he slid down to the floor, Tsukasa easily keeping up with the tickles.

"Haha! I forgot how ticklish you are here!" Tsukasa sneaked his hands under Toya's shirt and started poking his bare tummy all over, sometimes his navel.

"Dohohont!! Stahahahahap! Ahahahahahahaha!". Toya was a blushing and laughing mess. He never knew how to properly defend himself in these kinds of situations, so he tried to curl up as best as he could.

"Don't stop? You've got it buddy!" Tsukasa proceeded to squeeze at his hips, which sent poor Toya into hysterics.

"WAHAHA! NAHAHAT THEHERE! PLEHEHEASE!"

Toya was having a hard time keeping up with the tickles, always letting out the cutest and weirdest sounds whenever Tsukasa hit a new spot.

"I CAHAN'T BREHEHEATHE! PLEHEAAHAHAHA!". The poor boy could barely talk through his hysterical laughter.

Tsukasa decided to show some mercy and stopped his attack on his hips, he switched to some lighter tickles by playfully drawing shapes on Toya's tummy, which kept him in a giggle high. Tsukasa couldn't help but laugh along with him.

"Are you feeling better now, Toya?"

Toya softly nodded his head through his adorable giggles, and Tsukasa finally stopped the tickle attack, helping Toya up to his feet.

"Just remember, its not your fault. So don't feel bad about it, okay?"

"Yeah...thank you for that, Tsukasa".

Toya softly smiled at Tsukasa and Tsukasa smiled back at him.

___________________________________________

I kinda ran out of inspo by the end so sorry if it was crappy :<

I had fun writing for this pair, i might do it again in the future.

Please feel free to leave me request for other pjsekai pairings!

[allexday]

jennie; perhaps you had reason to not notice in the beginning, when your bank account had five hundred extra dollars in it. it could've been a mistake, you thought. though when you filed to get it checked out, they insisted that the money deposit was on purpose. you were stunned, but you brushed it off.

there was no reason to not take advantage of the situation, so you treated yourself to your favorite food and bought some of those clothes you'd been wanting for a while.

however, you started suspecting things when the school called to tell you your entire tuition had been paid for. and then not even two days later, you got the call telling you your rent had been paid for the entire year, as well as your car fees.

although everything seemed too good to be true, you weren't necessarily upset about the recent changes.

not until you realized just who was sending ten thousand dollars every week to your bank account.

you admit it had been hard to track down. but she was the only one who could possibly be responsible for everything. you weren't mad, hell, you weren't even going to confront her. however, when you found out your apartment building had been bought by her, as well as your place of work... that was the last straw.

"ah, y/n, I didn't think you'd be here at this time of night," jennie opened her door, letting you inside of her massive penthouse. you were used to the marble floors and ceiling-to-floor windows, but seeing jennie in her silk robe was another thing entirely.

"ah, jennie," you mumbled, glancing away while pointing at her figure. she smirked, quirking a brow. "what is it, have you never seen a female's body before? come on now, we're best friends. no need to be shy,"

as she walked to set her glass of wine down on her stainless counter, you took a deep breath in. now was the time.

"jennie, I know it's you,"

you noticed how she chuckled at your words, winking at you.

"oh? haha, guilty. I knew you'd figure out I got us to be the next two new vogue models but I didn't figure it'd be this soon-"

"what? no! jennie, I know you're the one paying for everything! you're the only one I know who has that much money, and I want you to know that this isn't cool. you should've asked me first before doing any of it!"

your voice was slightly raised as you explained yourself, not noticing how she was beginning to frown.

"plus, you know I would've said no! I mean, giving me extra money to help me out when I need it is not the same thing as paying off my debt! or hell, buying the apartment building I live in!" you breathed, catching your breath. "it's like you're obsessed with me all of a sudden. you shouldn't be in this many parts of my life,"

you noticed she was clenching her teeth, and she no longer looked happy.

"you sound really ungrateful, you know,"

"wha-what?" you stuttered, surprised by her angry tone.

"it's not like that y/n! I'm your friend and wanted to do something for you, it has nothing to do with my feelings for you! stop acting like I'm in love with you!"

you were stunned by her words. she was glaring at you, absolutely furious, as she continued going off about how it was crazy to think she even liked you.

"do not even get me started on how poor you are! the fact that someone as powerful as me is even associating myself with you is what's really crazy y/n!" her words hit you, making tears well up in your eyes. however, she was so blinded by rage that she didn't see.

"you're a nobody, you know that? no one even knew your name before I started talking to you. and even then, they only fucking talk to you because you're my best friend!"

tears rolled down your cheeks as you soaked in her words. despite how rude and cruel they were, you knew, deep down, they were true. you've always known that you indeed would not be as successful if you were not friends with jennie. despite that, you took pride in everything you accomplished. you still worked just as hard, perhaps even harder than others, to get where you are now.

she suddenly stopped, her eyes wide as she looked at you. you were trembling, shoulders shaking, and face red. you were embarrassed and hurt. she was supposed to be a friend, and all she ended up doing was insulting you.

"y/n-"

"I think I should go. since you don't need me,"

you turned to leave, walking a few steps before jennie began rushing to you. she grabbed your arm, her grip tight and desperate.

"wait, where are you going, no,"

you shook her off easily, pushing her off of you. "there you go again, always demanding things. don't touch me," you didn't spare her a glance as you walked to the door.

she was breathing heavily, feeling as if the walls were closing in on her. her heart was racing as tears began slipping down her cheeks. what had she done? she didn't mean any of it. none of it.

"no, y/n, please," you ignored her, reaching for the doorknob.

"I love you, you fucking idiot!"

you stopped in your tracks, eyes wide. what... what did she just say?

she was sobbing, looking desperately at your back.

"I've even in love with you for so long! you didn't even fucking notice,"

it took a few seconds, but as you registered her words, you sighed.

"if this is what you call love, I want no part in it,"

then you left. just as quickly as you came, you were gone. you had slipped through her fingers, and as soon as her door shut, she was left in the silence of her thoughts.

no. this can't be happening.

as she cried, she suddenly had a realization. something she had never thought of doing before, but now considered it the only choice available.

she reached into her robe's pocket, pulling out her cell phone and dialing a number.

"yes, the person leaving. bring them back up here. knock them unconscious if you have to, I... I don't mind. just... just be gentle, please,"

she ended the call with a somber face. she wiped her tears, fixing her appearance. it wasn't over, she told herself.

she had enough power in the world to do anything. so why the hell was she spending it all on you?

it must be love, she thought. stupid love that she wishes she wasn't in.

that was a lie, however.

she would do anything for you. and if she did have a choice, she wouldn't hesitate to choose the euphoria she feels whenever you smile.

[suddencolds]

I see you say you're taking prompts and I instantly kick down your door. I'd write this myself if I was at home rn but. Venti starting to come down with a cold but going out drinking anyways but the strong scent of the alcohol keeps making him sneeze whenever he tries to drink and people are starting to Worry

Hi anon!! First, sorry for the delay!!! Second, thank you for the prompt (which I have interpreted to take place during Windblume festival, just because. <33) I’ve run around with Venti so much recently that I feel like it’s about time that I write something for him ;w; Hope you enjoy!

—

In hindsight, all the signs were there.

Venti wakes up with the sort of deep, unshakeable exhaustion he hasn’t felt in years—strictly speaking, archons don’t need sleep, so he finds he’s rarely this tired. He catches himself almost nodding off after a conversation with Amber and has to pinch himself awake; when afternoon rolls around, he takes an indulgent nap at Windrise, only to somehow wake up twice as tired as before.

He feels restless, if anything, and it’s too cold outside for his liking, so he heads to the Angel’s Share. Kaeya still owes him a drink as payment for the lessons in poetry—besides, he’s sure the alcohol will warm him up.

It’s one of those days when the tavern is crammed full of customers. When he pushes open the door, he spends a good few seconds trying to find somewhere to sit, until Kaeya—who is predictably present—waves him over.

“Why, if it isn’t Mondstadt’s greatest bard.”

“I seem to recall you owing me one last drink to cover your tuition fee,” Venti tells him.

Kaeya laughs. “I was hoping you’d have forgotten.”

“Haha! I assure you, my memory is excellent when it comes to wine.”

Next to Kaeya is Jean, the Acting Grand-Master, which is unexpected—Venti has always seen her as someone too respectable to drink—but closer inspection tells him that she’s nursing a cup of Windblume Apple Cider, which makes marginally more sense. Then, behind the bar, is Diluc.

“It’s quite the occasion, isn’t it?” Venti says, taking a seat next to Kaeya, though something about a sudden change in temperature in the tavern makes him shiver. “Even Master Diluc is here tonight.”

Jean nods. “He wanted Charles to take the day off so he could properly celebrate.”

“It’s nothing like that. I just happened to be free,” Diluc denies—though, Venti knows that Diluc’s schedule is much less rigid than the Knights’—he gets the sense that Diluc is only here when he actually wants to be here.

“Quite the gentleman, isn’t he?” Kaeya says, giving Diluc a significant look, which Diluc pointedly ignores. “So, what do I owe you? A Windblume-exclusive Apple Cider?”

Venti suppresses another shiver. Really, the tavern feels unusually chilly. Perhaps it’s been set like this in expectation for the abundance of customers—he supposes they’d be less enthusiastic about drinking for hours in a tavern that’s stiflingly warm—but isn’t this overdoing it a bit?

“Actually, I think I’m in the mood for Dandelion Wine,” he says, clearing his throat when his voice comes out uncharacteristically scratchy. “It’ll save you a couple hundred mora.”

Kaeya nods. “Another order of Dandelion Wine, then?”

Venti leans forward on his stool, propping his arms up on the countertop, and listens as Kaeya and Jean discuss the most efficient way for the Knights to investigate some strange movements from the Fatui agents lately. They’re both excellent strategists, though where Jean is reserved, well-acquainted with the terrain and its shortcuts, Kaeya is reckless, pushing for efficiency over certainty. Diluc is listening too, even though he doesn’t offer any interjections.

It’s an enjoyable conversation to sit in on, but Venti really wishes it weren’t so cold here. His nose is running, and there’s a tickle in his nose, so sharp and so pressing that he has to—

“hiih’NKTch-uu!” He sniffles, wiping his nose absently on one wrist.

“Bless you,” Kaeya says offhandedly, then resumes speaking.

It’s only a few seconds later that he finds his breath hitching again. Such a sustained reaction must be—

“hiih… hiiIH’KScHuu!”

—the result of something he’s well acquainted with. This time, it’s Jean that blesses him. 

“Ugh, Master Diluc,” Venti laments. “Since when have you allowed cats in the tavern?”

Diluc raises an eyebrow. “I don’t. Has someone brought a cat in?”

“I didn’t see one. But something here seems to be setting off… my.... hiih!!” His nose is actually running now, and he shivers—a lost sneeze is much less unsatisfying than one seen to conclusion. “...my allergies, snf-!”

“Are you sure you want to order wine?” Jean says. “It’s a histamine, so I’m afraid it might make you feel worse, if you’re allergic.”

“It’s no big deal, hehe, just… annoying… hahh… hAHH…” Venti raises a hand to his face, his eyes snapping shut— “hAH’KTCHh-yuu!”

“Bless you,” Jean and Kaeya say simultaneously.

“snf…! Thanks, I’m not sure what’s gotten into me.” Somehow, the next breath he takes in comes in all wrong, and before he knows it he’s muffling coughs into the same hand—harsher, perhaps, than the situation justifies.

“Are you feeling alright?” Jean asks.

Venti smiles, trying for reassuring. “Don’t worry about me! I’m as well as always, snf! Perhaps someone came in with their shirt covered in cat hairs…”

“Or it could be a cold,” Kaeya offers, with a shrug. “Your face is a little red.”

“It is?” Venti asks, though he doesn’t consider the possibility seriously. “I hope it’s flattering.”

Diluc hands him his Dandelion Wine, which Venti takes from him gratefully. On days like this, he’s glad Diluc knows his identity as Barbatos—evenings like this are much more pleasant when the town’s bartenders are willing to indulge him. The burn of the alcohol is pleasant as he sips, but strangely…

...it’s not enough.

Everything’s too cold, still—frigid in a way he feels shivery and tired, even though he thinks he might actually be sweating. He takes another long sip—half out of desperation—and finds that his throat is sore.

“...Venti?”

Before he knows it, Jean is leaning forward to press the back of her hand to his forehead. Jean has always been gentle, and Venti almost protests as she lowers her hand.

“I think you have a fever,” she says.

That can’t be right, can it? “You must be mistaken. I don’t get... hiIh… hiiIH’K-sShu!... sick, snf-!”

Kaeya sighs. “You sound just like Diluc. Really, maybe hot apple cider would’ve been a better choice.”

“No,” Venti insists, shaking his head. “That’s not what I meant. I... can’t get sick.” He rubs his nose, sniffling into the back of one hand. Diluc passes him a generous stack of napkins. “I’m not supposed to be able to.”

Jean seems to catch on. “Because of your godhood?” Kaeya doesn’t seem surprised at her statement, which implies that Jean has probably told him already.

“I think so. I can’t remember the last time I’ve caught something, and it hasn’t… haHH… snf! It hasn’t ever been something I’ve had to worry about… hIIIh…” Suddenly he’s scrambling for another napkin from the stack, barely managing to unfold it before he’s holding it shakily up to his face. “hiIIHK’SCHhhew! snf-! Ugh, excuse me...”

His head protests. He blinks, his vision swimming, and shuts his eyes.

“Well, there’s a first time for everything, isn’t there?” Kaeya says, sounding so genuine that Venti finds himself faintly surprised. He doesn’t realize Diluc’s taken his coat off until he feels the weight of it around his shoulders.

Perhaps it’s because his gnosis isn’t with him, he realizes, with a jolt. He’s always kept it on him—more inseparable, less tangible than his Vision is, but now that it’s in the hands of the eighth of the Tsaritsa’s Harbingers, maybe it means that some of the perks of godhood are gone with it, too.

“I guess so,” he admits. The tickle in his nose is back—not as incessant as it is when he’s petting a cat, but it’s there nonetheless, present and vicious enough to make him shiver in anticipation as his breath snags on an inhale. “hiiH… hiIIH... hIIHKTChh’yuu!” His shoulders shutter forward with the release, forceful enough to jostle the cups on the countertop.

“Bless—”

“HIiih…. IKKSSch’uu!”

“—you.” From Diluc, this time.

Venti blows his nose softly into the napkin and reaches for another. Will this never end? How long are colds supposed to last? Allergies, while annoying, are tolerable enough accompanied by the knowledge that a shower will get rid of them—he’s not looking forward to feeling like this for a week.

“...I have to admit,” he concedes, “I’m quite lost when it comes to dealing with things like this.”

“It’s alright. That’s what we’re here for, isn’t it?” Jean says softly, setting a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s okay! I don’t need...”

“You should get some rest,” Diluc adds. “Keep the jacket until you’re feeling well again.”

Venti coughs. “I didn’t mean...”

Their concern is a bit embarrassing, really—as often as he fraternizes with the citizens of Mondstadt, isn’t he supposed to be the one looking after them?—but it’s strangely comforting to have the three of them fuss over him, still.

“Why don’t I order something that will actually make you feel better, instead of worse?” Kaeya suggests.

Between today and the last time they’ve been here, Kaeya has already bought him the three drinks he’s owed. Venti sniffles lightly, adjusting Diluc’s jacket around his shoulders to keep it from slipping off. “You’ve already repaid my lessons in full, so it would be unfair of me to—”

“Consider it a tip.” Kaeya raises his own glass, smirking. “To Mondstadt’s greatest romantic advisor.”

Jean clinks her glass with his. It’s sweeter than he’s used to. Despite himself, Venti smiles.

[txdoroki]

bookshop

hey this is kinda just a silly thing i had an idea i liked for :P hope y’all like it!! <3

warnings: anGERING BCUZ OF HOW SLOW IT GOES

words: 3k

pairing: bakugou x reader

unedited!!

gn reader

desc: you work at a quaint book shop, and one morning meet an explosive college student. once again it’s so much better than how it sounds T-T i swear it’s so good bYE

no quirks

ik this seems a lot like the overused “meet your lover at a coffee shop” trope but i swear it isn’t like that I SWEAr

A/N: this was so fun to write but it is annoyingly slow </3 also in this bakugou is rich as fuck and for wHAT. he’s loaded as crap

i might make a part 2 but i’m not sure yet considering this was rlly tiring,, would y’all like that or would it be a waste? :/

HERE IT ISSSS @babymilkawa​ 

you groaned as your alarm went off way too early, the sun that shone through your curtains getting into your eyes. you rubbed at your eyes, trying to shake off the sleep that dazed your mind.

the weekend went by too fast, and you wished you could sleep for just another five minutes. you struggled to keep your eyes open, the comfort of your bed willing you to sleep. to skip work for the day.

 you were totally exhausted, having spent the weekend helping your co-worker, eijirou, unpack boxes at his apartment, on top of working on your classes. i mean, you loved to help people, but man, was it tiring.

after a few minutes of checking things on your phone, you sleepily walked to your bathroom and ran water over your face, hoping it’d help you wake up. you loved your job, you really did, but the hours? absolute hell. who the crap goes to a book shop at 7 in the morning? no clue.

you pulled one of your friend’s old sweatshirts over your head, taking a moment to fix your bedhead as well. you slipped on some sweatpants, and shrugged at yourself in your full-length mirror. you felt like crap, your entire body heavy and your blinks slow. it’s like your body was trying to put itself to sleep, even while standing.  

once you were happy with your appearance for the day, you texted eijirou to let him know you were ready. he usually picked you up drove you both to work, since you had the same shifts.

a few minutes later he knocked on your apartment door, and when you swung it open, he had his signature wide grin on his face. he was holding two coffees, and you couldn’t help but smile as well, your bad mood from lack of sleep disappearing. 

“hey eiji,” you smiled, taking one of the coffees from his hands and holding it close to your face, taking a deep breath of the homey scent. the smell made your stomach growl, and you both laughed at the sound.  

“hungry, eh? well, i mean i have a granola bar,” kirishima shuffled around in his bag, eventually pulling out two granola bars.

“of course you do,” you smiled, happily chomping the snack. he was the definition of the mom friend, and such a sweetheart.

after you talked with him for a few minutes, you both walked to his car and drove to the shop that was a mile or two away. 

you looked out of the window while he drove, and you both were sitting pretty much silently. you appreciated how you could just chill and appreciate each other’s company without communicating a bunch.

when you got there, there was a blonde guy standing in front of the doors.

“hey, bakubro, what’re you doing here?” kirishima and you walked up to him. when he turned to face you, you were confused as to why he looked so pissed off. he looked like he didn’t know how to smile.

“tch, i was going to look for a shitty book to buy, but no one was fucking here,”

“you know that we open at 7:15 right?” you smiled, 

“and it’s 7:16 right now, dumbass,” ‘bakubro’ glared at you, “you’re late,”

“by a min-” you started saying, but were interrupted by kirishima.

“you’re right, well you can come look inside now,” he took a key out of his pocket and unlocked the front door with it, stepping inside of the shop with you and the blonde following.

you took your place behind the counter as kirishima tidied up the shop. he straightened the books and fixed anything that was out of place, while you just stood behind the counter and watched the blonde.

it was like he was entrancing, his spiky blonde hair and his piercing red eyes glaring at the books in front of him.

“sir, do you need help finding what you’re looking for?” you smiled at him when you noticed he was in the shop for nearly half an hour already, staring at the lines and lines of books.

“tch no, i can find it myself,” he grumbled, not even looking your way.

you rolled your eyes and turned to eijirou when you overheard him chuckle. he was standing near gardening books section, flipping through one of the books.

“what is it?” you raised an eyebrow, tapping a made-up rhythm lightly in the wooden counter you were standing behind.

“bakugou, isn’t this the kind of cactus you tried to raise,” he turned the book towards the blonde.

“shut up, shitty hair. quit bringing that up,”

eijirou just smiled and shook his head, turning back towards the shelf and sliding it back to its place. 

you yawned, boredom filling the air as bakugou looked through the books and kirishima tended to the shelves.

you wished someone would come in soon, maybe one of your regulars or someone new. you weren’t a fan of there only being one customer in the store in the first place, but him being a bitch wasn’t much of a help either.

“have you seen that really nice green haired regular recently? i feel like he hasn’t came by in a while,” you yelled to kirishima.

“uhh, haha, no, i heard he um... moved?”

“moved?”

“yup,”

“why does it matter what happened to him, deku is a nerd anyways,” bakugou growled as he flipped through one of the many books he had in his arms.

you shrugged in his direction and walked to the back, hoping there’d be something to do that was helpful for the store. you felt like you were wasting time, but didn’t know what you should do. there were no customers, no spills, nothing out of order.

you decided to fix some of the directions, and chose to start on the paintings and vines that covered the wall. the store really was homey, you loved it. you could spend all day there, either as a customer or a worker.

it felt safe and sound, unlike most of the city that surrounded you. 

“hey, dingbat, come here,” bakugou was now standing next to the register, and you glared at him, the heaviness of anger starting to gather in your chest.

dingbat? the fuck???

“be nice to y/n, they’re chill,” kirishima swatted at the air, shaking his head.

“nope, anyways, i need to check out, so fucking come here,” 

“no, sir, you can choose to be nice and then talk to me,” you smiled at him and turned back to the decorations you were working on. sure you were a worker, but you weren’t going to help out a shithead.

“it’s your fucking job, come here,”

“y/n, i’m sorry, but do you mind checking him out? he’s got class soon,” kirishima smiled at you weakly, his stare basically a plead on its own.

you huffed and walked to the register, silently glaring as you handed bakugou the receipt and the two books he bought.

“took you long enough, damn,” 

“what is your damn problem?” you scowled, “i haven’t done shit to you and you’re being an asshole,”

“y/n, don’t-” kirishima held his hand out.

“quit being in the fucking way then, see you later, kirishima,” he grabbed the stuff from your hands and walked out of the store onto the sidewalk, the door slamming behind him.

your decorations that you were putting up fell down, and you sighed. you took a step back and pouted when you realized you’d have to start over.

“i’m sorry, y/n, i know he is really stres-”

“he doesn’t need your excuses, it’s fine, eiji,” you smiled and nodded at him. 

the rest of the day was spent with both of you cracking jokes at each other and tending to the customers. every now and then you’d rate their outfits once they left, and it was sort of entertaining to say the least. it was fun to see the little additions people would add to their outfits, not meant for others to specifically notice. like a chain on their pants, or a feather on their hat. 

all other people had entire backstories, ones you would never get the pleasure of knowing. this didn’t usually bother you, and it never really has before, but you couldn’t deny the curiosity that seemed to tear at you about bakugou’s.

his couldn’t seem to leave your mind. what was his childhood like? was he always like this? what set the way for his personality? what were his parents like? was he single..?

“i wonder if he’s single,” you muttered to yourself as you swept. your actions stopped for a moment, and you wanted to throw up. did you actually just say that out loud?

“what was that, y/n?” kirishima looked up from his phone, a confused smile on his face. you hoped he didn’t hear you. although he did

“oh nothing, sorry!” you smiled back at him, and went back to sweeping. you turned away from him, hoping the heat that covered your cheeks wasn’t visible.

“alright,” 

the rest of your day went by quickly, and by the time you got home, you were exhausted. you snuggled with one of your fluffiest pillows on your couch once you’d changed into your pjs, and you smiled. the smooth fabric of your couch felt calming to your sore joints, and it only added to your comfort. 

before you knew it, you had fell asleep, but a knock on your door shook you from your slumber.

“hey, y/n, do you mind if i come in real quick?” you heard the familiar voice of your coworker from outside of your door, and you yelled a sleepy ‘go ahead’ before closing your eyes again. 

you slowly opened your eyes when you heard a second pair of footsteps enter your apartment, and you were confused to see the blonde from earlier standing in your doorway.

“are you alright? it’s only six o’clock, and you were asleep?” eijirou walked over to you and sat next to you on your couch for a moment.

“yeah, sorry, i was just... just um sleepy,” you sat up and leaned into one of the arms of your couch for support, rubbing your eyes. you turned back towards the figure in your doorway, “what’s he doing here?”

“am i not allowed to tag along with my fucking friend?” bakugou growled, but neither one of you acknowledged him. 

“sorry, was just coming to get some sugar! i ran out, and we are gonna be making cookies! see ya later, y/n!” 

you waved as they both left your apartment, and easily went back to sleep. your dreams were nothing but blackness, and none were memorable when you woke up a few hours later.

over the next few weeks, you began to see bakugou more and more. he would come by the show every morning, dropping by to say hello to kirishima before he’d walk out of the door. you weren’t exactly sure why he’d come by every. single. day., sometimes he didn’t even buy something, only caring to say hi to eijirou.

you’d love to say that he went to see you, but you really doubted that was the case. i mean, he rarely ever said hello back whenever you’d greet him back, so it was implied he only cared for seeing kiri.

no matter what he’d say to you or rather what he didn’t say, he still occupied your mind constantly. you wondered about him a lot, not in a creepy way. you just really found him interesting... okay?????

after around three weeks after your first encounter with him, he greeted you back for the first time. 

“oh, hey, y/n, right?” he turned to you with a blank face, not very common since he seemed to always be scowling at whoever he was speaking with.

“yep, what do you want?” you nodded towards where bakugou was standing near you next to the baking books, and kirishima raised an eyebrow. 

“are you any good at cooking? i need to make cupcakes but kirishima here makes shit ones,” 

kirishima chuckled, “he isn’t wrong, go ahead, y/n,”

“um, yeah i like to bake, when are you free?” you tried to hide the blush that covered your face.

“a bit obsessed with me, are ya?” he smirked as you began shouting.

“huh?? am not, you’re the one who-”

“oi shut it, dingbat, i’ll come pick you up from this shit job how’s that work?”

kirishima just stood where he had been, staring at you both with wide eyes. he’d never seen bakugou offer to pick anyone up whatsoever before. especially not to spend time with them.

once he left, it was like time chose to go by slower than ever. you checked the clock that hung above the doorway ever so often, and would quietly groan at how much longer it’d be until you got to make those damned cupcakes.

you decided to keep yourself busy with cleaning up in the back of the store, restocking the shelves and tidying up the stacked up books that sat collecting dust.

“y/n,” kirishima called for you, his voice somewhat muffled by the shut door that separated you both.

you walked to him, and smiled at the man who was standing in the doorway. 

“quit staring and c’mon, we don’t have much time, dumbass,” he frowned and beckoned for you to come over, you hurried to grab your purse. 

“aren’t we driving kirishima too.?” you cocked your head when he began to take off out of the shop. he paused and rolled his eyes, shaking his head and continuing to walk across the street once more.

the drive to his apartment was filled with you talking about whatever and him finding various ways to insult it, although his gaze wasn’t filled with the same amount of sharpness as usual.

you decided not to say anything about it, not wanting it to cease. you were honestly enjoying yourself, even though he was being sort of a dick. it wasn’t exactly unlike him to be one, though.

after around ten minutes of the conversation flowing like water, he parked in front of a bougie looking tall apartment complex. just from looking outside, you could see the wall-length windows and the impressive chandeliers that hung inside the building. you felt small, your apartment certainly not comparable to this. 

he scoffed when he saw your wowed expression, and silently took your hand. this would’ve been romantic if he wasn’t using it to drag you inside. the pace he was leading you both at left you panting by the time you got to his door, and your arm was sore from how harshly he was pulling and swerving you around the hallways. 

when you took your first step into his apartment, your entire body began to feel light. his apartment didn’t match his firey personality whatsoever, and it was absolutely stunning. astonishing countertops and a double oven added to his impressively sized kitchen. sparkling crystal animals covered one of the shelves nearby the tv. just by looking at the entry way, you loved his apartment.

his apartment was flawless, and it didn’t even seem like an apartment. it had a generous amount of space, and you wondered how he could afford this as a college student. you decided to let the curiosity drop, it’d be rude to ask about his wealth anyways..

“y/n, quit staring at my shit and hurry the fuck over here,” bakugou grumbled, stirring you from your thoughts.

you nodded and walked over to him, smiling at the ingredients that littered his kitchen island. these were gonna be some good cupcakes.

“what fla-”

“funfetti, duh,” 

you chuckled, and examined the extra sprinkles that he had bought. they looked amazing. and expensive.

you both chatted as you started the cupcakes, since he was bossy and so were you, you decided that it’d be better to do separate jobs. he was in charge of making the cupcakes while you were “doing the shitty icing, better not fuck it up” in bakugou’s words.

you worked on the icing and tried to hold back your giggles at bakugou’s cursing when he realized he forgot to add the sugar.

“god fucking damnit now i have to redo these fucking cupcakes,” he groaned, pulling the now scrapped cupcake tray out of the oven with absolutely no care, shooting you a frown when you commented on how he was gonna burn himself if he kept being that reckless.

“shoulda paid attention,” you stuck your tongue out, a wide smile brightening up your face.

“fucking shut it, dingbat,”

“WHY WON’T YOU STOP CALLING ME DINGBAT,” you shouted, although still being careful to stir the icing at the correct pace. you weren’t about to mess up an easy job, hell no!

after a few hours of you both baking in harmony, you flopped down on his leather couch, resting one of your arms over your forehead as you stared up at the ceiling. 

“i have a baking night every week with kiri, if you wanna come,” bakugou came up next to you and muttered, and you weren’t sure if he even wanted you to. i mean, you barely could hear him. 

he handed you a rag to wipe your hands on, and sat down next to you.

“can i?” you widely smiled at him, hoping he still wanted you to. 

“why the fuck would i tell you about it if not,” he scoffed, and you giggled.

you shrugged, and around half an hour later he drove you home for the night. 

you had a tupperware of cupcakes resting on the counter next to your fridge when you went to bed that night, although the memories that came with them were seated next to your mind. the small chuckles you would manage to pull from him replaying in your mind as you stared happily at your ceiling. 

you sure were looking forward to the next weekend.

taglist: @todoroki-shoto-is-life @frxggie​ 

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Episode 29 - The fashion brand that doesn't sell a single item of clothing.

K: Hi, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru starting this week's episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome again...Well well well...

J: Hanshin?

K: You know it aready! haha

J: I knew the moment you said 'Well well well'

T: You took a really deep breath.

K: Haha

J: Whenever you lament in that way, its probably Hanshin. Whats going on with them?

K: Well, its kinda like 'Hmm'

J: Haha

K: They are winning some and losing some.

T: Yeah.

K: I talked about this before, but after they got 20 points...

T: Ah! Yes

K: They started getting worse.

T: Yeh, yeh, its true.

J: Did they use everything they had all at once?

K: Well, I mean..But! They just can't win against the Giants.

T: Yeah.

J: Why is that?

T: They can win against other teams.

K: Yeh, its only the Giants. They get destroyed by them.

J: Haha

K: I can't say anything else.

J: Weren't they beaten three times in a row recently or something?

T: Yeah, moreover they didn't get a single point.

K: They were totally crushed three times in a row.

J: Ehh?

T: Its incredible.

J: There's nothing good to come out of this? Why did it happen?

K: They're trying too hard..whatever they do, they try too hard. They never get it right.

J: Oh, really?..Dare I ask you? Honestly? Is there any posibility for Hanshin to win again?

K: There is!

J: There is? Oh good!

K: Yeah, there is....but the Giants are pretty strong.

J: Kami, can't you do something for Hanshin?

Kami: That would be quite difficult. Three losses in a row is quite bad isn't it?

T: Yeah.

J: Its impossible for you to help? Can't you use some of your power?

Kami:......... No, I don't have any power.

J: Haha

Kami: The higher up gods do, but not the lower ones.

J: Can't you ask one of the higher up gods? You could be their mouthpiece.

Kami:.........No, the conditions are strict.

K: Ok, Joe, today's topic please.

J: Yep...Its the news about the mystery of the northern European fashion brand that doesn't sell a single item of clothing. The website 'Carlings' catering to mainly northern Europe, has launched the fashion brand 'Neo-ex'. But it seems as if you can't actually buy clothes on the site. As for how it works, users can choose fashion they like from the 'Neo-Ex' collection, then they upload a photo of themselves. After that a team of exclusive 3D designers will created realistic images of you wearing the clothes. Then the user can buy the images. For example, they could use 'Neo-Ex' in order to look cool on social media. As for the price, you don't buy the clothes, only the image, but it costs between ¥1,300 and ¥3,900. It may appear as profiteering to some, but their aim is to cast the first stone in reducing the huge amount of waste that the fashion industry produces. What do you think about this Kaoru?

K: I mean...I don't really know.

J: You don't know? haha

K: I don't know, but at the same time Im kinda like, 'Ah, I see'.

T: Well, this method was first created at the beginning of 2019. Its still a bit strange, even now, but for sure, I think its good to use with social media.

J: Mmm, I see. Isetan did something similar to this after corona started. When it got really bad with corona, no-one could go to department stores, no one went to shops, so Isetan made avatars, like in a video, and in that the avatars could go shopping, and try on clothes. They charged a fee for it. I read an interview about it,  and what I found interesting was that rather than aiming this at stressed out people who love clothes, but can't go shopping, by letting people make avatars, they were trying to open up an entirely different market. Well, thats what people are saying. This project might be a bit different from that though...Well, its not about buying clothes in reality...well, their aim may be to bring attention to the waste the fashion industry produces, but it also kinda changes the way we see fashion. It doesn't matter how much you pick with this, right? You don't buy them.

T: Yeah.

K: Well, yeh.

T: If you never leave your house, and start living though an avatar, its like your life is over. I have a feeling we'll start hearing stories like that.

K: But there are loads of peope on social media who model clothes that they've bought, aren't there?

J: Yeah..So as for who this fits, its one way to express yourself on social media, right?

K: In that sense, its ok isn't it? And its cheaper than buying the actual clothes. Ah, but does the design team choose for you? Ah, you choose yourself?

J: Yeah, then they create an image of you wearing the clothes. You don't actually buy the clothes, so there is no kind of waste produced, but if you want to just show everyone how the clothes look, you can pay from ¥1,300  to about ¥4000.

T: Its expensive!

K: This would be interesting if various brands were included.

T: Well, yeh.

J: Yeh.

K: And people like us (Dir en grey) could join it, and people could wear our clothes. It might be interesting.

J: Like not actually wearing, but just creating an image?

T: Fans could try on the same outfit as Kaoru and stuff..

K: Yeah. Or you could dress up as historical figures, do cosplay. Or you could choose stuff that you've seen models or tv stars wearing. I think this is a brand at the moment, but if they made that kind of website..

J:Ah, it could be interesting, right?

K: Yeh.

J: I mean, its also good that it doesn't create any waste products.

K: There's a lot isn't there?

J: Well, yeh, if clothes don't sell...in the end, if they are part of a collection, they don't sell them off cheaply, they just cut them up and throw them away.

T: Ah, really?

J: Yeh, and there is a lot of stuff made out of cotton, so thats kinda also related to environmental damage. The economy only works if you keep making stuff and selling stuff, but if you don't sell, it becomes waste, and the earth's environment has to take on that burden. But with this website, its purely the design aspect, so there is no burden on the earth.

K: I wonder if they can do this on any type of photo..

J: What do you mean?

K: Like do you have to be standing straight, facing the camera like this, or could you be sitting down, or..?

J: Ah, your pose?

K: Yeh yeh. Its not that cool to post a photo of yourself just standing up straight. This might actually be quite difficult.

J: Yeah.

K: Was Kami going to say something just then?

Kami: Um, I can't choose clothes at all.

K: You just wear half dried out Tshirts? haha.

J: Haha, yeah. There were quite a lot of people who wanted those.

K: Really? Hahaha

J: It's weird! People saying, 'I want one of Kami's half dried out t-shirts'.

Kami: I only buy cheap clothes. Cheap clothes which won't show the dirt. But even so, my shoes are expensive. 

J: Ah, shoes, yeah.

T: What type of shoes do you buy, Kami?

Kami: I buy quite nice shoes. Yes, I do. I mean, I don't really know, though, something around ¥6000.

J: Im not sure if thats cheap or expensive, haha.

K: Yeh, its kinda hard to tell.

J: Yeh, its that ambiguous zone. If it was ¥500 you could say, 'wow, thats cheap!'. But ¥6000 is like, well...'oh, ok..', kinda.

Kami: I pay ¥500 for tshirts.

T: Thats cheap.

J: Kami, do you wanna try this? Making a fashion image like this?

Kami: No way.

J: So icy...haha.

K: Don't you post photos on socia media, Kami?

T: Oh right, yeh.

Kami: Not at all. But I think doing this type of thing is a really good thing. It's like casting the first stone, it said. I like stuff like that.

J: Ahh.

Kami: I think its a good thing, but I wouldn't do it myself.

J: I kinda wanna try checking out this website. To see what its actually like.

K: Yeah, if it looks interesting...

J: Kaoru, you should try it!

K: Me?

J: Yeh.

K: This? Should I do it?

Kami: Ah, thats a good idea.

K: I could try it, and then we could talk about it on here.

J: Yeh, yeh. And I want you to post your images on Instagram to show what its like.

K: Ahh, ok, ok.

Kami: Let me pick something!

K: Eh?

T: Let Kami select the clothes.

K: Kami? Kami selecting? Im scared, haha.

J: I wonder what a guy who only wears smelly tshirts will choose?...Ok, so would it be styling by Kami?

K: Yeh, yeh, yeh.

J: I do want to see that too.

K: Well, it would be interesting.

J: So, you could wear stuff that us three choose for you.

T: It would show our personalities.

J: Let's try it. We could see which one everyone likes best, get peope to like them on Instagram. An Instagram plan.

T: Thats a good idea. But its also scary. What if they press thumbs down a lot.

J: Like, Booo?

T: Yeh.

K: Well, it doesn't matter which, we could aim for booing.

J: Well, yeh. We could even aim for that.

K: Kami will probably be aiming for that.

J: I thinks so, yeh.

Kami: I'll just follow the crowd.

J: Well, we could try it once, and show the results on here.

K: Yep. Well, lets end here for this week. Please subscribe. Thank you very much.

[imaginingmyloki]

Shift in Reality (pt 2)

Word count: 2,120

A/N: ok so obviously this took way longer than I expected/promised it would. Life has been getting in the way of fun lately. As some of you know, A year ago I left home and moved across country to Arizona to discover myself/make a new life/have an adventure. Well now I am moving back home to Virginia and it has just been a wild few weeks. (more on that later) anyways, enjoy part 2! There will definitely be a part 3! I said in a few answers to anons yesterday that this would likely be the last part but it kinda took off from me and started writing itself haha. I am not going to give a promised date for part 3 but I do have a good chunk of it already written from cutting it out of this lol. I won’t be linking any youtube vids about her powers this time, if you check out part 1′s note there is a compilation video of Daisy Johnson using her powers and she is based off of Daisy. ok byyyeeee

“No this can’t be right... I was just with them. What is going on?” I was frantically looking around the room trying to figure out where the hell I was. “Ma’am you need to calm her down or we will have to sedate her.” One of the white coats told the woman with the familiar voice. The heart monitor next to me was beeping rapidly, adding to my anxiety. She moved slightly closer to me and grabbed my hand and started talking. I couldn’t focus on what she was saying but the familiar cadence of her voice was calming me down significantly. “I don’t understand why I’m here. Who are you?” she looked hurt when I asked her that question. One of the many people buzzing about the room checking on the machines quietly said “Some amnesia is really common in these situations. She will likely regain her memories as time passes.” the woman nodded sadly and kept talking to me even though I was not paying any attention to her and was trying to focus on all the details I could about the room I was in and the different faces coming and going. 

                                                 -At the Compound-

Loki was sitting next to my unconscious form reading when Bruce came in with a machine that looked like a very small version of an MRI. “This is S.H.I.E.L.D.s latest, top of the line medical equipment. It is essentially a mobile MRI but way more advanced in what it can pick up. I didn’t do one before but she’s been out for almost 24 hours and hasn’t even moved so I need to see what’s going on in there.” He positioned the machine near my head and Loki watched Bruce’s face go from curious to concerned in a matter of seconds. “What is it?” He asked. At this point Nat and Wanda had come over to check on me and joined the group to see what was happening. Bruce shook his head, “I have no idea. There is something foreign in her temporal lobe. It looks like it is sending electro magnetic pulses to her brain causing her hippocampus-” He looked around and had to remind himself to use more understandable wording for them,”-uh her memory and dream centers to light up like crazy. I wish we could get in there and see what was happening.” Everyone slowly turned to Wanda who nodded and said, “Ok move the machine out of the way.” as she approached me. 

“Well? What did you see? Is she ok?” Loki demanded when Wanda had finished. She sat on the end of the couch by my feet, “We have to get that thing out of her, guys. She didn’t even see me when I was right in front of her trying to get her attention. It has her in this fake reality where she was in a coma and just woke up in the hospital with someone I assume is meant to be her mother. And the worst part is that we don’t exist in that reality. We are just movie characters. She seems really confused but the doctors are saying she has amnesia and its common for coma patients to wake up thinking they were a part of their favorite fictional world. It looks like she is starting to believe them. She looks so lost and heart broken. I couldn’t pull her out of it.” Everyone sat in silence for a few minutes, no one having words for the situation. Wanda looked to Bruce “How is this possible?” He was quiet for a few more minutes before answering “The only thing I can think of is the Winter Soldier.” He put a hand up to stop the incoming questions from the group as he continued, “With Bucky, their first and most formidable success, they wiped his memory, emotionally and physically tortured him until he broke and they had total, absolute control of him. Until Steve. The programming used on Bucky, while it was effective, didn’t hold up against the memories surfacing. So other than the obvious technological upgrades of this new programming- if that is what’s happening- they realized their fatal flaw. They tried to completely wipe out memories and when they resurfaced it undid everything. Making (Y/N) think that she made us up, that we are fictional characters, and now that she has forgotten her own life will not only break her but it will solve the issue of us breaking the programming in the future. She thinks we only exist in her mind and on the screen. I wouldn’t be surprised if this reality they have her in starts to change into doctors discovering she has a mental disorder that comes with hallucinations. Now, after they wipe her memory, if we start showing up again, she will question her own sanity and not her handler’s orders because her most recent memories of us are going to be that she can’t trust her own mind.” Everyone stared at him in stunned silence. “We need to get Tony and the others in here and brief them now. and we need to find Nelson.” Nat said and quickly left the room.  Loki looked at Wanda and said, “Please keep watching her. I know you haven’t been able to connect to her but at least we will know what she is dealing with.”

                                                   -Y/N’s Mind-

This doesn’t feel right. Something is just off about this hospital, these people. After initially waking up and everyone fluttering around my room to check vitals and ask me 800 questions that I couldn’t answer, they finally left me alone to rest with the promise of checking on me throughout the night to wake me up and see if I remembered anything. The woman- my mom I had been told- was sleeping on a cot in the corner of the room lightly snoring. I had asked her what had happened and the story was that I had been at the beach with my family when a wave had caused me to hit my head on a rock under the surface. I had nearly drowned but my best friend, Paul, had been right there and dragged me back to shore. That was 4 months ago and I had been unconscious ever since. She had spent a couple hours telling me all about our life as I grew up. I was an only child and we had traveled all over the world throughout the years. Because of moving around and experiencing so many different places, I knew 15 different languages by the time I was 18. We had recently moved here to California and bought a house close to my grandparents. She was going to call them and tell them I could have visitors in a few days when my memories started catching up with me but was going to call Paul and have him come tomorrow and see if it would hopefully jog my memory. A nurse came in very early and quietly woke my mother, “Ma’am, we called the friend you asked us to have come in. Mr Nelson? He’s here.” My mother got up and went with the nurse. I hadn’t slept at all and was very tired but that name sent a jolt straight through me. I knew he had to be behind this somehow. I looked around for some kind of weapon I could use when he came into the room. There was nothing but the dull butter knife from my dinner that was still untouched from the night before by my bed. I grabbed it a slid it between the bed and my thigh then, I waited. The door opened and I heard my mother’s cheerful voice, “Oh, Paul, she is going to be thrilled to see you. Well, she may actually not remember you yet. We have been waiting on her memories to come back but so far nothing has.” A chuckle and a chilling voice that sent shivers down my spine and raised the hairs on my neck replied, “No worries at all. I have talked this girl through so many breakups, I’m sure I can talk her out of amnesia.”

As they came through the door, my entire body tensed as I locked eyes with Nelson. It was definitely him but he looked different. Casual and relaxed with almost friendly eyes. “(Y/n)! I am so happy to see you conscious! You gave me quiet the scare.” he made his way towards me and my mother backed out of the room with “I’ll give you two some time to talk.” and a hopeful smile. As soon as she shut the door, I had him pinned against the wall with the knife to his throat. “What is this, Nelson?!” The look of fear in his eyes made me hesitate and he pushed me off of him. “(Y/n), what are you doing? We have been friends for years. Wait, you remember me? But, since when do you call me Nelson?” I slowly backed up until my legs hit the bed and I sat down. A nurse came in to check on the commotion I had caused and Nelson - Paul? - told her we were fine. Satisfied, she nodded and closed the door behind her as she left. “Stop playing games. I know what this is, Nelson. Let me go.” I watched his face carefully but showed no signs of knowing what I was talking about. He gave me a concerned look and slowly made his way to the chair by my bed with his hands raised to show he wasn’t a threat. “(Y/n), I don’t understand what you’re trying to say. Do you want me to get the nurse for you?” I rolled my eyes at his concern. Being trapped and the constant lack of answers were starting to fill me with a frustration that would typically have the room trembling around me but nothing was shaking except for my hands. As I clenched and unclenched my fists and took a few deep breaths to try and steady myself, I caught a glimpse of Nelsons face. It still had the mock concern plastered on like a mask but his eyes had a glint of amusement. He found my frustration and suffering amusing. The frustration bubbled over and I lunged for him, bringing both him and the chair to the ground. 

                                                 -The Compound-

  The compound shook violently as Loki used his body to shield my still unconscious form from the ceiling tiles and dust that was falling. “Why is this happening? Wanda, what is going on in there?” Tony asked as he came through the door followed by Nat, Steve and Bucky. Wanda explained the scene to them, “Nelson is in there with her under the pretense that he is her best friend. She’s on to him and just took him down but now they are fighting. She doesn’t have her powers in there so she’s struggling. Nurses and doctors are starting to come in to restrain her but she’s fighting them too.” The shaking stopped suddenly and Wanda gasped. When she didn’t say anything to explain the sudden calm, Loki inquired anxiously, “What happened? Is she ok?” Wanda nodded but was still watching the scene unfold in my mind. “They started it over. She’s waking up in a strange hospital again but it looks slightly different than the first one. It is exactly the same situation. They are telling her she has been in a coma for months and that she is finally waking up for the first time. Now she’s seen the tv showing you guys in New York again and she looks even more confused.” Everyone rushed around to clean up the area and Tony said “Loki, I set up space for her downstairs to keep anything like this contained and to keep her safe should Hydra try and take her. You and Wanda take her down there and watch over her while the rest of us clean this up.” Loki gently lifted me and he and Wanda headed towards what had once been my holding cell before the team decided they could trust me. 

“We need to bring Wanda back up here.” Nat said to Steve. They had just brought in Nelson. Bruce had figured out that Nelson had a device in his temporal lobe as well that was linked to the device in mine and had been able to track him using that connection. He had been unconscious when they had found him, likely because he was inside the fake reality with me and she knew that Wanda was the only one who may be able to get the information we needed about how to save me.

[purplesurveys]

1326

2021 IS ALMOST OVER, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE…?

Stayed single almost the whole year? I was single for the whole year.

Were involved in something you’ll never forget? Nothing too dramatically big, but I have had a number of memorable experiences this year, all of them positive.

Tripped over a coffee table? Not tripped but I did my stub my toe or hit my hip on a table’s corner multiple times.

Dyed your hair? Nah.

Came close to losing your life? I guess, in a sense that I had thought my life was going nowhere at the start of the year. Luckily the tides turned for me shortly after that period.

Saw one of your favorite bands/artists live? Live-streamed online concerts were the closest thing I got to attending concerts, so no.

2021: FRIENDS & ENEMIES…

Did you meet any new friends this year? Yes! I’m super close with Reena now, and I also made a number of friends at work once I finally got settled in the culture.

Did you hate anyone? Oh yeah.

Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships? Not at all. I feel like the friendships I formed panned out really well this year; I met the right people at the right time and I’ve been very happy about that.

Did you miss any friends? Yes; those I still haven’t seen since March 2020 like Jo, Laurice, Kate...majority of my college friends, essentially.

2021: YOUR BIRTHDAY…

Did you have a cake? I had so many cakes it was ridiculous, but I also felt so so grateful. Kata sent over a mocha cake; my parents got me a Starbucks Frappe-shaped cake with a huge cutout of Jin’s face as the cake topper; and I got a cake topped with macarons for my family.

Did you have a party? Not so much a party but I did organize a dinner for my family; I bought a bunch of food – paella, pizzas, tteokbokki...I can’t even remember the rest but it was definitely too much for 5 people, lol. My mom surprised me with BTS and Jin tarpaulins to decorate the dining room, too.

Did you get any presents? My aunt sent me money and Bea got me a bucket hat that I had shared that I wanted.

2021: ALL ABOUT YOU…

Did you change at all this year? I’m a whole fucking lot happier and I don’t shy away from flaunting it anymore.

Were you in school? No, I graduated college last year.

Did you own a car? Not my own and I’m nowhere near being able to afford one in my name.

Did anyone close to you give birth? No, not anyone close.

Did you go on any vacations? Kinda? They were microvacations more than anything though, lol. The longest one I took was 3 days long, when we went to Zambales.

2021: WRAP UP…

Was 2021 a good year? It honestly really was. I talked about this with Andi last night and we were in agreement that the year had been kind to us. I think I was able to grow a lot, experience a lot despite the restrictions, and opened up a lot to new people.

Do you think 2022 will top 2021? If it does then I’d be surprised. That would make 2022 a banger year considering how smooth-sailing 2021 already was for me.

IN THE YEAR 2021 I CONFESS THAT I…

Kissed in the snow? I didn’t, because we don’t have snow.

Done something you’ve regretted? Sure.

Painted a picture? I don’t think I dabbled in painting this year. I did a bit of embroidery and gem art, but not painting or coloring.

Wrote a poem? No.

Ran a mile? Hell no, hahaha.

Visited a foreign country? I didn’t have the chance to.

Cut in a line of waiting people? No and never.

IN 2021 I…

Broke a promise? Eh, just minor ones like telling myself I’ll wash the dishes in an hour or something like that haha.

Lied? Minor lies, nothing that would have ended up a disaster if I got found out.

Disappointed someone close? I probably disappointed my parents when they discovered my vape stash a week ago...so yes,

Had a secret? Lots.

Pretended to be happy? Just at the start of the year. I haven’t had to fake it recently.

Slept under the stars? Oh yeah many times. There was a period this year when I went up to the rooftop every night and occasionally fell asleep on the floor there, under the stars.

Kept your new year’s resolution? Not a resolution per se but I told myself I’d invest in skincare this year which...never happened hahaha. It’s no longer a priority; I find the many options a bit overwhelming. I also told myself I’d start working out, but 1) I hated it and 2) I quickly realized I was only doing it to get back to my ex, and after I realized the fact I thought she wasn’t worth the revenge.

Forgot your new year’s resolution? I didn’t make any.

Met someone who changed your life? I wouldn’t say so.

Changed your outlook on life? Yup.

Sat home all day doing nothing? There were some weekends where this had been the case, haha yeah.

Learned something new about yourself? Sure, the most important of them being that I’m apparently more extroverted than I thought.

Met great people? Absolutely. I’m surrounded by a great bunch these days.

Kissed someone that means a lot to you? Nopes.

Stayed up till sunrise? I did.

Cried over the silliest thing? I’ve cried over nothing during my PMS weeks, which I guess can count for silly.

Had friends who were drifting away from you? I wouldn’t say so. Most of my friends are low-maintenance so we can go months without talking – and when we do chat with each other it’s as if not a day went by.

Had a high cell phone bill? Not applicable since my phone’s on prepaid.

Spent most of your money on food? I’d say K-pop merch dethroned food in 2021, but I did order a shitload of food this year.

Had a fist fight? No.

Gotten sick? Not fever-sick, but I did get puke-sick a few times.

Liked more than 5 people at the same time? I didn’t.

Became closer with a lot of people? Yes.

Song that reminds you of summer 2021? Permission to Dance.

Lost any friends this year? I disconnected from Aya this year.

[untitlednottitled]

number10

Pre-Event plannings

I had a grand plan, to be lawfully wedded to my bby on our 10th anniversary, 1 year after proposing to her on our 9th, in Jeju, in front of a field of flowers with a fantastical view of the sparkling sea. I even rushed and got the engagement ring ready before our planned trip to Korea in April! But alas, covid-19 had to happen and all was foiled. After the initial plan was foiled in Apr’20, we held out hope that we would still be able to travel by the year end.. but yeah covid gave us a great big middle finger, as yet again, cases skyrocketed and we were all but grounded in sunny Singapore. 

Finally, in Dec’20, I decided to propose before July’21! Since the ring and the JannPaul box has been hiding at the back of the closet for the past year, and i didnt want to put it off any longer.

i began to scout for and collate decor items bit by bit on carousell, shopee and other shopping sites. It was a painful process because my initial plan was to recreate “Venezia”, which was an ice cream cafe we went to at Sixth Avenue, back in our JC days before it bowed out of Singapore a few years ago. There was next to no mention of Venezia on google and I was also unable to find any useful logos of the establishment either! So that idea was scrapped. Next, there was the plan to create big cut-outs of either Monsta X or VIXX members who would seem ‘genuinely happy for the proposal’.. but once again, let down by google, as the images I managed to find were either too pixelated or not relevant enough. Sadly, that idea flopped too. In the end, I decided to go for a more normal but personal decor to surprise bby :)

Truthfully, there were many chances to surprise-propose bby, especially our most recent staycation at Park Royal Marina Bay, but I didn’t feel that I was ready to do it.. so I delayed it till our big dinner on July 10th. Why July 10th? SAF had the brilliant idea to schedule my ICT during our actual 10th anniversary date, so we decided that we would have our anniversary dinner earlier. Furthermore, after Gyu Bar, we decided that we could and wanted to try more fine dining. After much research and deliberation (between Whitegrass and Buona Terra), we finally went for Whitegrass, which had decidedly nicer deco and ambiance. 

The weekend before the 10th, bby suddenly suggested that after our big dinner, maybe we should go for a drive. This gave me a great idea - if i drove, this meant that she would have to come stay over, and then I would definitely be able to surprise-propose to her! I very easily agreed with her suggestion and went for a slightly higher-end car, an Audi. Thankfully, this rental was not far from my place and the rental wasn’t that much higher than the Honda Fit before. So far, all was going to plan. Then, we also decided that since we would be getting a car, we could travel slightly further out, eg. the East. We decided to go to Playground Ragdolls, which would be our first interactions with our dream pet for our new house! 

I ordered a huge preserved flower bouquet beforehand as well as a tiny flower-box, to be delivered on the July 9th, which was also my mum’s birthday. She requested to have chilli crabs for dinner, which my bro bought from Jumbo seafood. We had a scrumptious dinner that night, but extremely regrefully, I couldn’t invite bby to come over, because it would mean that she would see all the flowers and thus ruin the entire event. 

On the day itself

On the 10th, coincidentally, I had to take up a mover role, to help my bro move some of his guo-da-li stuff to his fiancee’s place in Pasir Ris in the morning. It was a very simple job that took up the bulk of my Saturday morning. After lunch, he sent me back and I quickly completed the deco and freshened up before leaving at 4pm to collect the car. 

Leaving at 4pm was an overestimation of the travelling time, but also to prevent any lateness. I reached the rental car location at about 445pm but could not find the car at all. Confused, i called the host and she was quite pekcek to inform me that I was 15 mins early.. i went ‘oops’ and apologised for my kiasu-ness. At least she wasn’t overly judgey about it. I took over the car and quickly got on my way to Lakeside. Along the way, the aircon vent handphone holder kept dropping everytime I made my way over a particularly high bump as the Audi aircon vent was different from the normal aircon vents i was used to, with horizontal panes. Other than the handphone holder dropping from time to time, the drive to Jurong was pretty smooth. 

I picked bby up at about 5pm and she surprised me with another street branded shirt, endorsed by Hyungwon of Monsta X. She even gifted me with a picture of him wearing the exact same shirt! I gifted her with the small flower-box and inwardly laughed as she whined about receiving another flower.. inside i was like ‘lol, wait till you get the one at night’. We drove off from Jurong to City Hall, which was supposed to get us to Chijmes in 25 mins? 

Oops, we will be so early! But in the end we spent more than 35 mins on the road, because google maps was being a bitch and not giving the correct directions and we had to circle round Chijmes twice because we couldn’t enter the place! Finally, we decided to follow the signs strictly and we managed to enter the Chijmes carpark at last. We wandered around Chijmes for awhile and took some pictures. I helped her take some pictures that she was actually satisfied with!!!! SDNJIADBNAIKFAUFAKLFDNA!!! 

After inwardly celebrating alone, we entered Whitegrass. Overall, the food was nothing to brag about, though the service was very good. Like what bby has said, the best things about the meal were the breads and the specially made financier by the Japanese Chef. The Chef came out to greet us and even wished us a happy anniversary followed by a picture of us hehe. 

Full af, we decided to drive to Sentosa cove to sneak a peek at the rich people but nope, not allowed to ba long long go in, so we rerouted to Palawan beach instead. well well well, no entry into the beach. hur. oh well, time to head home. Inside my mind was running in all directions, almost 1.5y in the making, it’s finally gona be time!!

We reached and parked in less than 30 mins and quickly made our way back home.. only upon reaching my doorstep that i realised i left my keys in the flower-box inside the car.. luckily my dad was still awake to open the door for us.

Once in, we discovered my room door was closed and i let her enter first. Once she sweeped her eyes around the room, i panicked a little and just grabbed the ring and knelt down. I was entirely FLUSTERED and my mind was blanked out. haha, i lost all sequence of events. i knelt at an awkward angle and i wanted to switch knees, at which point, bby looked down and saw me kneeling on both knees (facepalm ttm). but okay, eventually it got sorted out and we took some pictures, with creative advice from my fiancee (^^). i also told her the entire journey from the ring all the way to present time, honestly, without hiding anything. Tbh, i wanted to make it hella grand but I missed out on some deco and by the time i discovered, it was too late to order again. UGHHH. When we went off to bathe, it was already about 1am and we had an early morning ahead. We both went to sleep happy hehe. (i got myself a ring catto)

Ragdolls all day, err’ day

I woke up next to bby catto who suddenly wrapped me up in the blankets and took a picture of me -.-

anyways, after a quick breakfast, i wore bby’s present and went out. We went some place first, before heading to La Fez in the East. It was a Morrocan restaurant which had a very pink and cutesy exterior. The food was not bad as well, the bby ordered Shakshuka while I ordered the Lamb Shwarma. Not entirely filling but good enough for me!

 Next we set off for Playground Ragdolls.. but i think i missed a turn somewhere so we just parked at a nearby carpark instead. We wanted to walk to Tigerlily Pattiserie but changed our minds to head to Birds of Paradise nearby instead, since bby has been wanting to eat it. and hohoho, dark skies ahead started to thunder and shortly after rain poured down. We didn’t bring umbrella and neither were there any umbrella in the rental car.. so we decided to brave the rain. The initial rain was pretty manageable, a slightly heavy drizzle but manageable. The moment we were halfway to the next shelter however, it poured. and poured. and poured. Needless to say, we were both drenched.. and bby was wearing her Tory Burch too... nevertheless, we persevered and reached Birds of Paradise and got our ice cream too! (along the way we passed a mama shop and bought a $6 umbrella) We got roasted sesame and sea salt hojicha. Tbh, both were good but as we were practically wolfing the ice cream down and the quantity was really alot, the ice cream became pretty jelat after awhile. For the first time in a long long while, we threw away ice cream. Yes, bby was pretty horrible for throwing away ice cream, especially when she was the one who proclaimed she loved it. 

With our new umbrella, we eventually made our way back the way we came, dry this time, towards Playground Ragdolls! Since we were pretty early, we waited outside for a short while, before the host let us in. and wow, once in, we were greeted by 2 curious little Singapuras. At first glance, they looked like regular strays but on a closer look, they had a kind of refined quality that really separated them from typical strays. And then as the host continued her briefing, our eyes strayed to the ragdolls. OMGGGG all so floof and cute!! Bby and I settled down near the couch and started playing with an 8 month old female kitto. and omg she was so playful!! Immediate want! While playing, we didn’t forget to enquire more about the purchase process and also listened in on the other customers’ queries as well. 1 hour passed all too quickly, and it came time to bid farewell to the cattoes. 

On the way back to the car, bby remarked that she was a little peckish, so we decided to head to a drive-thru at marine parade.. but once there, no drive-thru to be seen!!! We stopped at the passenger waiting area for awhile to research but to no avail. Eventually we gave up and I drove her back to her house.

At her block, I helped to carry all the barang barang back up and I remarked to her that I was going to call her parents ‘Mother’ and ‘Father’ to hint them that I proposed. And I did, but apparently, only her mum caught it. Her dad didn’t, sadly. Unfortunately, I needed to rush back to return the car, so i couldn’t stay to explain further (Sorry Father, i will explain the next time i’m there!)

Anyways, I drove back to return the car and swiftly parked. The owner ‘received’ back the car without much incident also. Aaaaand that concludes mine and bby’s eventful weekend, in which we both had our relationship statuses changed from boyfriend-girlfriend to fiance-fiancee ^^. 

Honestly, I do regret not getting actual flowers for you back in 2011.. but lol, the virtual flowers confession did make our relationship more interesting though haha. Yet another interesting tale that we can tell our kids next time also. I feel so happy as I recount the entire experience and am so glad that it succeeded. This sat, we will be going to re-size the engagement ring so that bby will wear the ring for events soon!! can’t wait!!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #381

“don’t try to be the one person who has stayed just to say they never left me”

Do you feel bored with your life? Always. Do you miss anyone who was mean to you in the past? I sometimes miss Colleen, but I know it's for the better that we no longer associate with each other. What’s the most weight you’ve ever gained from a medication? I don't know, but a fuck of a lot. Thanks, Abilify. Have you ever been suicidal? Yes. Do you pray? If yes, to whom? No. What do you miss about high school? Memories with Jason. What do you miss the most about college? Socializing. What was the best date you’ve ever been on? A triple date to an arcade w/ Jason and friends. What’s the last great song you discovered? The most recent one? I don't know, really. Do you feel free to post how you feel on Facebook? Yeah. Don't like what I post, delete me. Have you ever done cocaine? Yikes, no thanks. Do you think you’ll ever get married? Do you want to? I sometimes wonder if I ever will. I'm scared of just continuing to be an unemployed leech that is doing nothing significant with her life, in which case it's like, why even be with me romantically. I feel like such a dead end street. I want to get married someday. Who do you care about the most? When it comes down to it, probably my mom. Have you ever made out on a couch? Yeah. Would you ever get gauged ears? I want small gauges, actually. When it comes to clothing, are you the conservative type? Yes, because I hate my body and don't want others to see it. Do you enjoy eating? I wish I didn't. Have you ever ridden in a race car? No. Do you go out of your way to impress the opposite gender? No. Do you enjoy history? Not really, no. It bores me. Are you a pajama person or do you stay dressed all day? I'm just about always in my pjs. Do you value looks or personality more? Personality is way more important. Have you ever changed religions? Yeah. Born Roman Catholic, converted to Christianity when I further understood the differences, then I went to how I am now: I believe in something(s), but I don't quite know what. I wouldn't call myself a Neo-Pagan, but it's what I relate most to. Would you ever wear fake eyelashes? I would for like, my wedding. Foo fighters vs. Red Hot Chili Peppers: I'm actually not a big fan of either. Are you a fan of the SAW movies? I don't really watch them. Do you ever forget how old your siblings are? My two immediate sisters, I'm sometimes a year off. All my others, yes. :x Mountain Dew or Sprite? Mountain Dew, of course. I really don't like Sprite now, which is ironic because as a kid, it was my favorite soda. Could you ever give yourself a shot? Yeah. Have you ever worked as a cashier? That was one of my duties when I worked at a dollar store. If you are on birth control that allows you take pills and skip your period, how often do you opt to skip it? How come? My birth control doesn't allow me to skip, but rather, it regulates it. Is there a book series where you loved the first book, but for some reason the other books in the series just didn’t measure up? I can't say that, no, as most series I just kinda fell out of, like The Hunger Games. LOVED the first book, started the second, and even though I was enjoying it, I just stopped for some reason? Are there any stores/restaurants that you would like to shop/eat at, but there aren’t any located near enough to you? Haha yeah, like lots of west coast fast food places like Jack n' the Box or however it's formatted. If you were told by a professional that you were unable to become pregnant, how would that affect you? Is there something important to you about conceiving a biological child rather than adoption? And finally, if you even want to have children, would you choose adoption or surrogacy or would you go on childless? I don't even want kids, so honestly, I'd be stoked if I learned I was infertile. Wouldn't need to worry about the chance of getting pregnant and facing an abortion dilemma. Is there something that you did not used to take seriously, that you either now take seriously or wish that you had in the past (e.g., a relationship that you miss, your education, etc.)? Hm. I don't know. Are there any subjects that you are interested in so much that you would read whole books or academic journals about them? Meerkats, especially. I will read EVERY scientific article about them I find. Are you physically affectionate with your friends? I'm a hugger. When you were in middle school and high school, did you witness a lot of bullying? How did the teachers react to name-calling or violence? Not really, thankfully. Are any of your friends/relatives actually impressive artists or writers? Are you willing to share an example of their work? Yeah. I have a cousin who's really good at drawing, and my sister is a wonderful cake decorator. Do you drink more apple or orange juice? Orange. Could you forgive your best friend for sleeping with your gf/bf? My hypothetical bf/gf, no. Would you ever donate blood? I have before, and I would again if I knew I was hydrated enough and the opportunity was right there. Would you rather drink coffee or tea? Ugh, neither. Do you get easily embarrassed? YES. How long was your longest make out? TMI alert, like all night. If the person who hurt you most said they’re sorry would you believe them? I honestly don't know. Do you have sensitive skin? Very. What color is your mum's car? White. Do you live in an apartment? No. Do you have a pet fish? Nope. Are you happy with your eye color? I wish they were a more sapphire blue. Solid soap bar or liquid body wash? Absolutely liquid body wash. What color do you want your dream car to be? Baby pink. *-* Do you have more then one favorite band? I say I do, but at the same time I know Ozzy Osbourne will ALWAYS be #1. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship? In a relationship. But it's absolutely not something I'm about to force just for the sake of being in one. Would you be really upset if Facebook ceased to exist tomorrow? Nah. Have you or would you try shark meat? No to both. Do you know anyone that's pescatarian? No. Someone I watch on YouTube is, though. Are you shy or over confident around your crushes? Super shy. Do you think the govt. has a cure for cancer, but is hiding it from public? Hell, I think it's very well possible, but I lean more towards for financial hoarding, they simply don't further pursue potential cures that are discovered. I mean, just THINK about all the "future cures" you've read or heard about. It's fucking outrageous. It's all to fuel the medical industry. Okay, tin hat coming off. Last time you drank a diet soda? A very long time ago, because diet soda gives me a massive headache. Was your ex born in America? Only one wasn't. Name your favorite type of music and why. Metal. I for one just like the sound, and I find it very therapeutic when I'm especially mad or sad. Even when I'm in a good mood, I just enjoy it. I also feel that a lot of metal songs tell interesting stories and/or have very poetic lyrics. Do you own or have you read, or thought of reading any self-help books? I haven't, but I've considered it. Can you breakdance? Definitely not. Have you ever read a book and not understood it? If so which one? Yes. We were assigned this one war novel in middle school that was FUCKING AWFUL, like I was checked out the whole time. I don't remember its name or anything. Have you ever watched a movie and not understood it? If so which one? Yes; the Warcraft movie I mentioned in a recent survey. Orcs and their fucking deep-ass voice that I couldn't understand. Do you blowdry your hair? No. Tell me about your dream last night. Omfgggggg y'all. So, there's one invert pet that I've never understood the keeping appeal of, and that's giant centipedes. Their bites are notoriously excruciating, and they are just SO goddamn fast. Well, for some godforsaken reason, I wanted one as a pet. Got one, and it immediately got loose. Guess who wanted to shit herself lmao. Centipedes are very cool, but only from a distance, ya feel? Have you ever stayed in a fancy high-class rich hotel? No. Have you ever stayed in a rent-by-the-hour motel? I don't think so. Describe the worst fight you’ve ever been in whether physical or verbal. I'm not entirely sure about my *worst*, but I know it was with Mom. We've had a few. Have you heated any food in your microwave today? Yeah, a shrimp alfredo Lean Cuisine bowl. Do you own any items of clothing with cartoon characters on them? Yes. Have you ever played Animal Crossing? No, it doesn't seem like my kinda game. Do you own anything (e.g jewelry, accessories) with your initial on it? Yes, but none of which I personally bought because I don't really like them. Do you own any cats or dogs? What are their names? I have a cat named Roman. <3 Have you added any books to your shelves lately? Which? No. Have you bought any new cosmetics or toiletries lately? Which? No. Do your pets have a specific type of food that they prefer? Roman will eat whatever cat food he's given, while Venus, like your average ball python, is a picky eater. Like when I first got her, she wouldn't eat for almost a year because I just couldn't find a method through which she'd accept food. Now she consistently takes frozen/thawed small rats that have actually sat in warm water (versus doing it by hand under running water), and she generally won't strike it unless it's offered to her by tongs, but not dangling by the tail. Picky, picky miss thang. What's your favourite variety of apple? I'm not very particular about flavor so long as the apple is crisp. I canNOT do soft apples. Which of your physical features do you receive the most compliments about? My hair.

[hannahxxashley]

This is a really long post that I know nobody will read but I just need to vent about it lol.

Just when I thought life couldn’t get much worse, I now have cystic acne to add to my list of bullshit I’m dealing with. It started around December. And I’m not talking like “oh look at this cystic acne haha” and it’s one or two pimples (like SOME fucking women who have left reviews of certain products on amazon 😒 they show their before pictures like OMG LOOK HOW BAD MY FACE WAS and they had like 2 pimples that you can barely see. Fuck off. 🖕🏻😂). I’m talking full blown, unrelenting cystic acne all over my chin and jawline and now it’s moved to my cheeks and sometimes my forehead. Giant, inflamed red bumps and a million little tiny bumps all over the place...it looks like I have some sort of flesh disease on my face. It is horrific, embarrassing, upsetting, and it’s something I have NEVER dealt with in my whole life. Even when I was starving myself to death I didn’t have acne like this.

I think it could be hormonal but I don’t know why it’s this bad. The only thing I can think of really is that I’ve turned 30 and women’s hormones start changing a lot in their 30s. I’ve read a lot of women say they started dealing with insufferable cystic acne in their 30s as well. I know it’s not my IUD because I’ve had that thing in for 4 years now and I didn’t have this problem until recently. I did quit taking those birth control pills last April and I read online that sometimes acne can peak up to 9 months after you quit taking the pill. That would have been right around December. I also started getting my periods back around December as well. So maybe this is just some sort of freak acne flair up while my hormones rebalance but idk...I quit taking the pill 4 years ago when I got the IUD put in and I never had this happen.

I’m going to try to fix this internally first. I’ve bought a few supplements to try. I’ve been taking 1250mg of omega 3 fish oil, I also got evening primrose oil to try BUT I think that is triggering headaches. The last 2 days I’ve taken it, I’ve woke up with a headache across my forehead (different than my covid headaches) and one of the side effects of EPO and GLA is headaches 😒 so I might have to stop taking it. I’m also going to try green tea extract and maca root. I’m also going back to an acne kit called Exposed Skincare. I used it for a couple of years when I lived in Oklahoma and it helped with the acne I was having then (although it wasn’t even CLOSE to how bad it is now but I was taking Lexapro at the time and also taking birth control pills that caused acne issues). One thing I see all over the internet is that you should stop eating dairy of you have bad hormonal acne. The American Academy of Dermatology says their is no credible science saying that dairy causes acne. And I’ve been eating dairy (milk based nutrition drink and Greek yogurt) twice a day every day for the past 3 years now. Why would it all of a sudden be an issue now? I can’t change my meal plan anyways because I’m not about to fuck with my eating disorder lol.

If I can’t fix this on my own, I will concede and go to the dermatologist. I absolutely will not take accutane and I will NOT go back on birth control pills. I can’t take spironolactone because it can raise potassium levels and people who take a potassium supplement cannot take it. I have to take potassium every day twice a day since I still b/p. It also is used to lower blood pressure and the last time I took a medication that lowered blood pressure was when Dr. Narcissist (that is what I call my psychiatrist because he is a giant narcissist 😂) prescribed a BP medication for my PTSD. After being on it for a week, I started getting chest pains and I became so lethargic that I could barely get off the couch or walk from one room to the other. It was pretty scary. I’m also not really open to doing any harsh chemical or acid peels on my face. I’ve read countless women say it did nothing for them. So honestly, what else could the dermatologist do for me at this point? 😂 idk. I have to do everything in my own time, in a certain order. So the dermatologist at the end lol.

Sigh. What a shit fest. I just want my life to be normal again. It was going so well. 🤦🏻‍♀️

If you’ve made it this far, congratulations for reading my endless paragraphs of self pity lmao. I CAST THIS OUT INTO THE VOID.

[frenchibi]

hey, so i thought maybe you could tell us a little what you're currently interested in? ♥ like, what have you been doing during quarantine, are there any new shows you watched that you enjoyed a lot, did you maybe take up a new hobby or something? :)

Hello!! I did not forget this lovely message, I was just in no state to answer (who’d have thought that recovery from surgery is, y’know, taxing) BUT I’M BACK NOW and ohhhh do you know what you’ve unlocked by asking me this question...?? I cannot give you a comprehensive list but I can tell you a couple of the things that I got into during quarantine, and the things I am currently super passionate about! My memory is, uh, not great but thankfully I do journal and write down things so I am confident I can answer this for you :D (plus I do always love recommending things so - aaa??? Thank you for this ask????)

Putting things under a cut because I physically cannot chill but if tl;dr I want you to take away one thing from this it’s that everyone should read Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir. Thoughts below.

(Also. I would love to go off about my interests more on here but am not sure what... shape that should ideally take? Text posts? IDK pls give me suggestions, help me out?? dfhasjkldf)

Movies

I have not seen many, but I can and will scream about The Old Guard over and over because... it was everything I never knew I needed in an action movie?? I don’t reblog many things about it anymore but I love love LOVED it!!

Also, upon recommendation by one of my friends from India, I have been delving into the world of Bollywood movies and WOW Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara was so fucking good??? idk if it’s on Netflix in every country but it is in mine and I highly recommend it. It’s thoughtful, honest, emotional and shot absolutely gorgeously, and it also has that cheesiness that is just... so good... sometimes you just need the cheese y’know???

(Side note, 2020 was the year I saw Pride and Prejudice (2005) for the first time and I am a changed woman. It is now my ultimate comfort movie. Please see it if you have not, I cannot believe it took me this long. I saw it for the first time on an airplane (in january... a lifetime ago) and have seen it many, many times since.)

TV Shows

So, to everyone’s shock but especially my own, I have not really been into TV lately? I watched The Boys because my brother recommended it (it’s good, but gorey and pulls no punches, the R rating is deserved), and recently started watching Jujutsu Kaisen because my sister recommended it (I haven’t watched a new anime in like a year which is kinda wild to me? But I am enjoying this one - the opening SLAPS and what I’ve seen so far has been fun! Plus I’m watching it with my sister and I like sending her reactions xD),,, and that’s pretty much it for this category?? I am aware there is a LOT of good shit out there I just.. .don’t seem to have the attention span for multiple episodes of a Thing these days. Meh. I’m sure it’ll come back to me eventually ^^

Musical Theater

One of the main reasons I think I haven’t been big into TV is because my Musical Passion is in FULL SWING (haha get it). Probably because the only thing that has remained for me during this quarantine is my singing lessons (and lemme tell you... over skype, that shit is ROUGH but still better than not singing at all) and I have been obsessing over learning new songs and finding shows through recommendations and compilation videos on youtube... So.

Shows I listen to a lot these days include Starry, Anastasia, The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals, Come From Away (I made a post recently specifically about musicals, you should be able to find it under #French speaks) - specific songs in my range that I am currently learning and obsessing over include “Bring on the men” from Jekyll and Hyde, “The Mad Hatter” from Wonderland, “Show Yourself” from Frozen 2 (I liked it ok I DID), and “Go Tonight” from The Mad Ones (this one makes me cry... I’m making my sister duet it with me bc I can’t stop thinking about it).

Also, if you’re interested in hearing me sing things, head over to my instagram where I post covers (and also art)!!

(Musical people, I am curious to hear opinions about Great Comet, and also The Count of Monte Cristo - two shows I’ve been meaning to check out!)

Video Games

Listen. Animal Crossing New Horizons is awesome and I’m glad I have it (...give me Brewster back, Nintendo, or I WILL RIOT), but I have been branching out into other games for the Switch (might as well make this purchase worth it amirite) - current faves include Celeste (which is SO HARD but also SO FUCKING FUN) and Spiritfarer which I specifically bought to play at the hospital bc I knew I was going to be there for a few days, and let me tell you - best decision of 2020. Please watch the trailer if you haven’t heard of it, it’s GORGEOUS and beautiful and emotional and I loved every second of it. Both of these can also be purchased for PC and I think they are definitely worth the investment!!

In other news I’m back on my Stardew Valley bullshit. It’s just so calming.I revisit it a lot lmao

Books

So... I have been reading. A LOT. I read over 70 books this year, which for me is... average tbh? I have had some less productive reading months but overall I have torn through stuff and BOY do I have recommendations if you want them?? For the sake of brevity I will only mention a few here:

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted gothic palace in space”. That is all. This was my first five star fiction book of the year and I will never be done screaming about it. There is a dedicated but smallish fandom here on tumblr and it deserves SO MUCH MORE. Please, please please. Everyone should read this damn book. It’s confusing in the beginning but I promise it’s worth it IT’S SO GOOD!! And also the sequel is out and it’s also confusing and SO GOOD!!!

Educated by Tara Westover. This is an autobiography and it’s one of those books that like. Stick in your mind for months after you’ve read it. It’s about how this woman escaped an abusive household that was religiously oppressive and also like... survivalist (prepping for the apocalypse) and avidly believed in conspiracy theories - by educating herself, working her way up to going to Harvard. Nothing I say could do the emotional impact of this book justice - and also just, the perspective this book gave me?? Incredible. Education is the most powerful tool and this woman grabbed it by the hair and did not let go and I was FLOORED. Everyone should read this. I don’t even usually read biographies but DAMN.

The Winternight trilogy by Katherine Arden.(Book 1 is called The Bear and the Nightingale). This is a bit of a slow burn type deal - it’s a retelling of a Russian fairy tale (I think?? Or like a folk... story? Something like that) and it is just. So magical. It’s not fast paced but it works up to FANTASTIC moments, the focus is on family and magic and change and “making your own way” and all three of these books were wonderful. It reminded me of Naomi Novic’s Uprooted and Spinning Silver (both of which I also loved back in 2019 and would highly recommend) and they are PERFECT winter reads if you’re looking for something to get cozy with. I liked book 1 well enough but books 2 and 3 knocked it out of the park. Fantastic. Loved them.

I have many more recs but this will do for now hahah

Music

Gonna keep this brief too - my music taste is all over the place, but here are some songs I have been obsessed with recently!! Beware of genre whiplash though because these are Very Different from one another (and different from the musical theater stuff above)

Factories - Autoheart (that bridge gets me every time, idk why. This is one I could have on repeat for hours and not get tired of it either. Something about it just gets me!!)

History Read - The Altogether (The lyrics!! Tbh the entire Silo album is GREAT, but this one is my fave. Their music is so... mellow, in the best way??)

Weather Man - Valley of Wolves (ok this one is just a banger. I’m a sucker for a good sing-along-able hook (that’s not a word. you get me though right) and this fucking DELIVERS. I also just think “I make these dark skies blue, I make these mountains move, let the rain come down, I’m pushing through.... [pause] ... ‘cause I’m the weather man” is such good execution of a concept?? That PAUSE GETS ME it’s just SO FUN?!?! idk man I like a good upbeat banger and this is that.)

I believe (get over yourself) - Nico Vega (this one is just a callout at myself tbh?? “you’re a fool” I AM and I needed to hear it?? It’s also SO FUN to sing!!! We love a banger.)

Kiss me you animal - Burn the Ballroom (mentioning this mainly because it reminded me, lyrically, of Gideon the Ninth and I need someone to confirm this for me before I go insane?? “everybody knows that home is where your teeth sink, love” - I mean c’mon??? Also it’s a banger. I do like some rock from time to time... and this also has a killer driving bassline. This is super fun to drive to, too!!)

((If we have overlap and anyone wants to exchange playlists with me - I am SO here for it. Always looking for new music!!! I mean it!!))

Youtube

Last and certainly not least... meet my newest hyperfixation!!! I have always loved watching video essays, and booktube videos, and arttube videos - and my current niche of favorite creators is the Polygon video team!! They made videos about video games and board games and anything gaming-related and I just. I’m only peripherally a “gamer(TM)” but I love anything and everything they create. (Also you don’t have to know much about video games to enjoy all of their content!! A lot of it is still accessible to Non-Gamers(TM) or casual gamers!) BDG is my new favorite creator, the Unraveled series he does on the channel is a work of genius - but I have also started watching their streams and older series and I am enjoying myself SO MUCH! I love boardgames so their series on them, Overboard, is so fun and entertaining (and I already know a bunch of games I want to buy based on seeing the gameplay), and it also made me invested in the other creators - particularly Simone, I would die for Simone?? And Pat? And Jenna? They each have their niche and they work really well together too and their videos are my Main Serotonin Machine in these trying times(TM), thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Also. If you’re already following me here and you are familiar with Polygon things I BEG YOU TO COME AND TALK TO ME ABOUT THEM because I am like, bursting, but I also don’t want to flood my dash with stuff that 99% of my followers are unfamiliar with y’know??

...I think I’m going to leave it at this - it’s already a lot!

But thank you once again for asking and for letting me Go Off about things I am interested in!! I just... I very often wish I could do this more, but I’m not sure how to go about it? Should I just do text posts about things?? Would that be interesting to anyone?? Or is that like, annoying? Should I start a review blog or something? dhfajkldhf I just want to talk about things that excite me, but whenever I’m here I often just stick to reblogging other people’s stuff... help?? What do y’all want to see??

[sayitaliano]

Quarantine Tag Game

I’ve been tagged by @sciogli-lingua grazie cara! ♥

1. Are you staying home from work/school?

Yess (I usually work from home most of the time anyway...)

2. If you’re staying home, who’s there with you?

My parents, my brother, my grandma

3. Do you have pets to keep you company?

Just birds, bees and lizards - quarantine blocked me from adopting a dog (probably)

4. Who do you miss the most?

My closest friends

5. When was the last time you left your home?

I’m lucky enough to have a small yard so I occasionally leave these 4 walls, but I don’t go out on the street in front of my house from the last week of february.

6. What was the last thing you bought?

A red skirt - meeh. But I’m occasionally wearing it inside my home haha

7. Is quarantine driving you insane or are you finally relaxed?

I’m really moody about it. Some days I’m really sad, others I’m okay.

8. Are you a homebody?

I like staying home, but I also like to just go out for a random walk or whatever I feel like doing.

9. What movies have you watched recently?

I watched a few movies I had got for free online: Storks, Crazy Stupid Love and Going in Style

10. An event that you were looking forward to that got cancelled?

A couple of photography and art exhibitions, two concerts, two sport events I really wanted to see live. And well, the OG and Eurovision too, if I have to say something more international

11. What’s the worst thing that you’ve had to cancel?

Not sure if it’s about a very bad thing or how hard it was for me to cancel it, but if it’s about a bad thing well nothing luckily just a boring meeting if anything

12. What’s the best thing you’ve had to cancel?

As above -- a few trips (esp. one to the sea, one to visit my friends that live in another city), meeting with my high school classmates after ages, two (maybe three) photography sets and possibly working on a new project with some new people

13. Do you have any new hobbies?

Nothing totally new. Or maybe, reading random stuff for you in Italian and making videos!

14. What are you out of?

Nothing, for now. Oh wait, toners! The colors one, especially (I had another black one hidden in my closet yay!). My brother is studying and he needs to download and print a lot of stuff

15. What music are you listening to?

A lot of different music tbh. Also our playlists on Spotify :)

15bis. What shows are you watching?

I’m not watching any right now

16. What are you reading?

The free epubs that were donated by publishing houses during this quarantine, and also some of the books I had on my to read list. I’ve just finished Dai tuoi occhi solamente by Francesca Diotallevi (about the photographer Vivian Maier) and I believe I’ll start one between La Dragunera by Linda Barbarino or L’Allegra compagnia del sogno (The Unlimited Dream Company) by J.G. Ballard

17. What are you doing for self-care?

Exercising (esp. something similar to yoga) and concentration. I also try to find some alone spots and stay in silence for a while. I try to do what I like, when I feel like (except a few things I have to do ofc). I don’t wanna push myself too much as this situation is already tough as it is. I’m trying to be more kind with myself.

18. Are you exercising?

Yess, a lot. It helps my mind but I need that also for my body’s problems.

19. How’s your toilet paper supply?

Fine, thanks!

20. Have you made any changes to your hair during quarantine?

Not yet, but I think I’m going to cut them myself sooner or later. I’m tired of them already haha

I tag @foxlanguages @zorume-star @languagetrash @language-aholic @polyglotswede and whoever feels like doing it. Ofc, only if you feel like - no pressure

[stressed-depressed-emo-mess]

Janus & Adam

((Okkkkk so I threw this together with some OCs, it does kinda rip off Detroit Become Human but I just love my boys Marcus and Conner to much to not do something like this. For @killjoynest​ here’s a exterminator and his droid who may or may not be gay i dunno. And yes Janus is a ref. to TS, I needed a name so shush))

Dracs | Droids

"Adam?? Adam!?!" Janus Holden calls for his helper droid, Adam, from across the house. Janus, who was a semi-famous S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W stationed in the neon district, was an up-and-coming exterminator who was mainly put in charge of in city operations- droids and the occasional burnout- nothing to fancy. He had recently been gifted a prototype droid from HQ; apparently it did everything another human could, but faster and more efficient. It was called Adam, and the directions that came along with it said that there were no emotions, no consciousness, no sense of self-awareness. Janus always had a hard time calling droids “it”; they remained him of actual people, and that what he always told his supervisors when accused of “feeling emotion.” Janus hated that. The ‘You can’t feel emotion’ aura over everything. It made killing easier, but if he got used to treating the droids like shit, it would rub off on actual people. He didn’t want to do that. He had started treating Adam like a regular human being and it was making himself a lot happier. Adam, who he just used ‘they/them’ for, also seemed more eager to help than their counterparts in other households. Janus also made an effort to clean up after himself just to ensure that Adam didn’t have to do everything themselves. At the moment, Janus was trying to cook himself some breakfast but that ended up on the floor everywhere. Janus turns off the stove and grabs some towels and rags before Adam rushes in, a scared look on their face which slowly melts into amusement.

“Mr. Holden, you tired to cook again, didn’t you” they smile.

“Yes, Adam, I did. And how many times must I ask you to call me Janus? I see you as an equal.” he says playfully, tossing a towel over in their direction. “Can you help me?”

“Well, that’s what I was designed to do, Mr. H- Janus.”

Janus’s smile grows wider and looks up to Adam as they drop beside him and they both start to clean up the pancakes and eggs that have taken up residence on the floor. 

“Hey, Adam? Do you use plus at all?” he asks

“Well, all droids do. We don’t have an alternative power source. But to answer your question directly; yes. I wish I didn’t, but yes. I do.” the say, with a pretty emotionally charged sigh.

“Adam? Is there- Are you ok?”

“I’m broken,” they say immediately, “I’ve known for a while. I’m not supposed to be able to think for myself. I’m only supposed to take orders and answer questions related to them. Since you’ve been asking me more about me; as in, ‘What do you want to do?’ and ‘Do you want me to help you?’ and ‘What do you think about this?’; I think my consciousness snapped to reality, and I’ve been learning- you’ve been unknowingly teaching me things. And I understand if you want to throw me out, I just couldn’t hide this from you.” they sit back on their heels, looking like a weight had been lifted off their shoulders. 

Janus sets his jaw and looks at Adam, saying, “Adam. I would never throw you out. I am so happy that you told me. You are not broken, this is normal. While we’re on the subject of self-consciousness, do you want me to use a different name, pronouns, or something like that?”

“Haha! I’ve actually never even thought about that!! I guess Adam still, but maybe he/him?? I want to be able to fit in as much as possible.” 

“I can do that.” Janus smiles and puts a hand on Adam’s shoulder before turning back to cleaning up the floor. “Do you, like, want to go for a walk and talk after we finish cleaning this up? I want to be able to get to know you more. But- we’re gonna have to get you changed. We can have my new best friend walking around in that.”  Adam looked like he was going to explode; he was practically glowing with happiness. 

As they finish cleaning up, Janus leads Adam into his closet to see if any of his suits will fit him. Of course, Adam shifts his proportions so he fits in the first suit he tries on. He points to a certain outfit on a coat hanger, and when Janus retrieves it, he flashes back to the first day with Adam. He was wearing the same gold silk shirt under the cream-colored blazer. He hands the shirt and jacket to Adam he excitedly puts them on, complete with some black pants and a pair of old converse; which all fit Adam snugly. 

“You know what that outfit is, right?” Janus asks Adam, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“Of course I do, silly! How could I forget??” Adam says, booping Janus on the tip of his nose. Janus can feel his ears start to burn and he looks away, a sheepish smile creeping onto his face. “Are we ready to go?” Adam asks.

“Almost, I wanted to do something- only if you want to though,” Janus says, digging through a draw and drawing out some gold spray-on hair dye. He had originally bought it for a costume party, but it matched the shirt perfectly. Adam stares wide-eyed and vigorously nods his head, so Janus puts his hand under Adam’s brown bangs to shield his skin from the dye. Janus sprayed two streaks onto Adam’s hair, before turning to the mirror and giving himself matching streaks. He was wearing a navy blue suit and a black shirt, but the gold spray worked well with his already blond hair in bringing the outfit together. “Now we’re ready,” Janus says with a smile, “Are you?”

“Yeah! Let’s go!!” Adam says, grabbing Janus by the arm and dragging him out the closet, into the hallway, and out of the house. Janus turns around to go and lock the doors when he hears a window crashing in a house down the street. He and Adam give each other a look, and while Janus turns back to lock the doors Adam runs out into the street to see who caused the shattering. Then he heard another window breaking, and trash cans being knocked over. Janus runs out to meet Adam, who’s watching the events unfold down the street; it’s another homecoming parade. Adam waves to a few of the Juvvie halls- who wave back- and Janus can’t help himself. He waves at them as well, putting his arm around Adam as he does it to try and seem as friendly as possible so he wouldn’t get a brick through one of his windows.  

“We could join them,” Adam says in his ear. 

Janus turns to him, bewildered, and says, “We could… We really could… I’m not a revolutionary exterminator so people wouldn’t know who I am, and now that you’re with me, we really could… You know, Adam, I wouldn’t even be entertaining the thought if it had been anyone else bringing this up. Do you want to?”

“Again with asking me what I want. You really hate working here don’t you?” Adam said a knowing smile painted on his face, and Janus can’t help but bark out a laugh.

“What is it with you and making me question everything I know?? C’mon, ya big goof, let’s get outta here.”

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 16 - UFO expert's recommendation as the Japan Air Self Defense Force sets up Space Operations Squadron.

K: Hi, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru, starting this week's installment of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome.

J: You looked at us the opposite way then.

K: I did (laughs)

J: I don't mind though.

K: Hahaha.

J: Im sorry to be so pedantic.

K: No, i thought the same myself.

J: I just wondered whether you'd forgotten our names, or whether you were a bit tired.

T: He's probably tired.

J: I was a bit concerned *laughs*

K: You got me.

J: I just noticed it, so..

K: How have you been recently?

J: Well, how? hmm, well..

K: Its still around the middle of April now, as we record this, right? The shops are starting to open again. We are still in...what was it, a state  of emergency..

J: It hasn't been lifted in Tokyo.

K: But the stores are slowly starting to operate again if you look around. Ramen places are really busy and such. But, how has it been for you guys?

J: Well, ive been cooking for myself as much as possible. Buying stuff from the grocers, and making salad and stuff every day. I don't have a frying pan though.

T: You don't have a frying pan??

J: No.

K: Do you have a microwave?

J: I do have a microwave. But a frying pan...well, recently, i bought some eggs, and tried to make fried eggs, but i had to cook them in a steel pan.*T laughing a lot* And when I tried to scrape them out, the yolk got destroyed. *K laughs* It was chaos.

T: How have you survived this far in life?

J: No, I mean I usually eat out, so this is a first for me at 52 years old, this self catering lifestyle.

T: I have a special pan for cooking eggs, its designed especially for eggs (tamagoyaki).

J: Really?

K: Oh, that square type?

T: Yeah, yeah.

K: Ehh!

J: Really?

T: I keep it really clean, and make sure I don't use it for anything other than eggs.

K: Oh, so do you cook a lot?

T: I do, yeah.

J: Kaoru, can you cook?

K: Do I look like I can? *laughs*

J: You don't, you don't. *everyone laughs loudly* You don't at all, sorry.

K: I can manage fried vegetables and stuff like that.

J: Oh, well, you are probably better than me then.

K: But honestly, I havn't cooked anything in years.

T: *To J* If you say he's better than you, that puts you at a super low level! *K laughs*

J: Well, now you mention it, maybe we are about the same level.

K: A long time ago, when I first came to Tokyo, I made curry once.

J, T: Oohh?!

K: Yeah..And with curry, if you let it sit for one night, its supposed to taste better the next day.

J: Yeah, the flavour deepens.

K: When I checked on it the next day, it had grown mould. *the others laugh a lot*

T: How?

K: I don't know.

J: What did you put in it?

K: Just the normal stuff...curry cubes and stuff.

T: It grew mould after a day...?

K: It did, yeah.

J: Ehhh? By the way, did you eat any of it on the day you made it?

K: No, because I thought it would taste better after leaving it for a day. Also, it was actually kind of watery. Maybe I got the measurements wrong. So I thought if I leave it for a day, it would thicken up, but it grew mould.

J: *laughing* Wow. If you cooked it properly, it wouldn't grow mould unless there was something wrong with it though, would it?

T: Yeah, exactly.

J: Thats incredible.

T: Yeah, were you living somewhere funny?

K: Haha, the place?

J: Lets do this sometime. Lets have a curry party with Kaoru making the curry. 

T: Oh, yeah.

K: Um, in my blog magazine TheTheDay, I appealed for ideas of what people want me to do, and people said they want me to cook.

J, T: Ehhh.

J: Will you do it? Get your revenge?

K: Revenge? *laughs*

J: Curry revenge. We'd have to have a doctor on stand-by though. *K laughs* We'd end up with curry poisoning. Everyone who ate it would collapse one by one.

K: It would be dangerous.

J: It would, it would.

K: Okay, so today...Tasai san.

T: Yes, so..uh..finally we've reached this era! Finally!

J: What is it? What happened?

T: Well, uh, on May 18th, for the first time, the Japan Air Self Defense Force (JASDF) started a specialist division to monitor regions in space, the Space Operations Squadron.

J: At last!

T: Its like Space Battleship Yamato, its as if that kind of old sci-fi is finally becoming real in this current Reiwa era. Well, actually, its not really like Yamato. What they are really doing is keeping an eye on space junk, and watching for any suspicious looking man-made satellites. To begin with they will ????*1, and by 2026, they say they want to put thier own satellites into orbit too. Its true that America, Russia, and China are leaders in this field, but its like Japan has also started to think about self defence in terms of space too.

J: I see. This is quite serious news then, isn't it.

T: Well, Tokyo sports always has a different take.

J, K: *laugh*

J: Of course.

T: So, in response to the inauguration of this devision, a UFO expert had one thing he wanted to say, which was...well, there is the 'scramble', yes? A kind of emergency take-off, if for example, missles are heading towards domestic land, or if mysterious sightings*2 happen, there is stuff like this. And in 2018, the JASDF actually had 999 scrambles, where they saw something they thought was dangerous, and had to take off immediately. So, of those, 638 cases involved Chinese vessels, 340 cases involved Russian, and 18 cases were classed as 'other'. This UFO expert thinks these might be UFOs, so with the creation of this new devision, he says they could check to see if they actually are UFOs.

J: By the way, what is the Japanese government's stance on the existence of UFOs? It seems like America already thinks they exist, and are taking some action, right?

K: There is a lot of???*4

J: Yeh, on the news. I havn't watched it properly, but what do they think again?

T: ????

K:????

J????*5

T: The Japanese government hasn't clearly confimed whether or not they think UFOs are real or not.

J: Hmm, Kaoru what do you think? Do UFOs exist or don't they?

K: Well, I want them to exist. I like reading about them.

J: Well, its fun isn't it?

T: While I've been working at Tokyo Sports, we've had quite a few reports on photos people have taken of UFOs. Um, you know Hyper media creator Takashiro Tsuyoshi..?

J: Ahh, Takashiro san.

T: When he reported...where was it Australia, Byron Bay..or something. He went there for a festival, and he showed me a photo of a UFO that he took while he was there. And there really was a kind of triangle shaped UFO looking thing on it. And when he showed it to an expert, they said after about 2 seconds, 'Ah, yes, this is a UFO', without even checking properly. *the others laugh*.

J: You'd want them to analyze it a bit more

K: It seems too easy, right? Like, ah, yeh yeh.

T: Yeh, thats a UFO..

J: Saying its a UFO that quickly...

T: According to this expert, if you see a UFO, a big change will happen in your life....and then straight after that he ????*6 and stuff like that happened...Also, the former actress, who turned to that religious cult..

J: Oh, the Happy Science cult.

T: Yeh, Sengen Yoshiko. She captured footage of a UFO in Toyama, and showed it to me, so I kind of think they are real.

J: Have either of you ever seen a UFO yourselves?

K: I've seen things where I've thought, what is that?!. Like...*imitates zig zag movement in the sky*

T: There is something isn't there.

J: There are things that move like that, aren't there. They are different from shooting stars, and airplanes couldn't move in that way. I've wondered what they are.

K: And when you try to catch it on your smartphone or something, you can't, can you?

T: I just remembered! I did catch a UFO on my smartphone. I went to Mexico once to do a story.

K: Didn't you mention that before?

T: Oh, maybe I did, on the radio. Well, when i was in Mexico, what is it..when the sun takes a long time..

J: The summer solstice?

T: Yeh, on that day, we climed to the top of a big rock, and held hands with all the local people. At that time we took loads of photos of the sky, and when we checked later, they showed a UFO.

J,K: Ehh?

T: Yeh, and I don't know the first thing about it. Im in the club of people who've photographed a UFO.

J: A UFO was close to you....Isn't this the right time for him to come out? That guy?

Kami:.....

K: He's not coming.

Kami: Um..

J: He's here, he's here.

Kami: We're talking about UFOs right? When I saw that the JASDF had started a space army, I was excited. And when I wondered what they would get up to, it said they would be picking up space junk..

T: *laughs*

Kami: Its like when we lost at the world cup, and picked up all the garbage, then went home. So I was a bit shocked at what was written.

K: But thats just the starting point, right?

T: Yeah, starting with the little things, moving steadily.

J: But, hey, while they say that, they might be carrying out some bigger project behind the scenes.

K: Well, yeah.

T: Thats right.

J: Kami, what do you think about UFOs?

Kami: I've never seen one.

J: Oh, you havn't?

K: But from your perspective, do UFOs exist?

Kami: Do they exist?...Im not sure.

K:.*laughs*

J: He's not very articulate, is he? This is different from when he was talking about mahjong!

K: *laughs*

J: He never stopped when he was talking about mahjong. Losing 30,000 and such. Coming into Tasai san's conversation that much..He's changed completey since last time. A poor response, Kami. Hey, but what is it?...Can't gods transcend space-time?

Kami: Im not sure.

J: Wait, you're not sure?

Kami: Space-time? Well, I can't talk about it, cause I'll get into trouble if I do.

J: Ah, if you tell us?

K: *laughs*

T: Is this a new organisation?

K: An organisation, right?

J: Gods have them too.

K: They probably have unions, right?

Kami: Yes, yes. *K laughs*

T: Someone more powerful than Kami will be onto him.

K: Yeah, he'll be stopped.

Kami: But the gods know this, theres nothing faster than light, right?

J, T: Ahh

Kami: Did you know that?

J: Yes, I did.

Kami: Yeah, thats it. Theres nothing faster than light, yeh. Thats the thing. Do you know who decided that? It was a god.

J: Ohh.

T, K: Eh?

Kami: Not me, one of my distant relatives.

J: Distant relatives? *laughs* One of the gods in the group?

K: It wasn't himself, but..

Kami: Yes, thats it.

J: Hang on, wait a minute, so in terms of what we are talking about, Kami, what did YOU create? Gods make many different things I think.

Kami: I make parts in a factory.  *J, K laugh*.

T: What? The old guy in a backstreet workshop?

K: *laughs* He's the type who can descend to earth very easily, right?

J: He really is one of the commoners.*laughs* Its funny.

Kami: Its because Im an ally of the common people.

K: Well, yeh, it seems like he often goes to Chinese restaurants..

J: Right.

T: And he likes Mahjong

K: Yeh, he likes Mahjong.

J: He's kinda just like my Dad.

K: *laughs*

J: Ah, but UFOs, right?

K: It would be good if they develop this.

T: There might be things like space wars in the future, in reality. With America and such. If they are competing for supremacy in space.

K: Ah, yeh, fighting for supremacy.

T: Right?

J: But Japan is a little late getting started, in relation to that.

K: Oh yeh, its impossible.

J: Right? We wouldn't ever take supremacy.

T: Well Japan can already be seen from anywhere by spy satellites, they'd get all our info.

J: Well, thats it. That kind of thing is going on at the same time.

K: Well, thats just how it is.

J: Thats how it is, right?

T: Thanks for listening.

J: This was a spaced themed chat.

K: Please look forward to next week, thank you very much. Please subscribe.

J,T, Kami: Please do.

*1,3,4,5 Couldn't catch these bits.

*2 mysterious sightings...or something like it.

*6 Sounded like, 'he got divorced', but i couldn't distinguish it clearly enough.

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

A Coronatine Meme! Thanks for the tag, @batmansymbol--you have successfully rekindled my burning desire to get my hands on a copy of MEGAMIND, because I’m still bummed I haven’t seen it XD

Are you staying home from work/school? Yep! Someone at the fire station where my roommate works tested positive earlier this month, so she and I were on self-quarantine for a couple weeks, and then the Stay At Home order hit Ohio, so At Home I Stay. It’s not that much different from the work-at-home-writing thing I’ve been doing since November, honestly.

If you’re staying home, who is with you? My roommate! But she’s a firefighter/paramedic, so she’s essential. That means 24 hours alone, 48 hours of Possible Roommate Sighting, rinse and repeat.

Who would be your ideal quarantine mate? Oh, gosh. Hm. I’ve got a handful of friends who I’m like Dang It I Wished I Was Trapped With You. Alternatively: I would like to befriend the family of crows who’ve been making their presence known in my neighborhood.

Are you a homebody? Haha yep. Again: This hasn’t been super different for me, but now I get worried about taking my socially distant strolls to the park because there are still too many children around, and they’re not as conscientious about keeping their distance as Adults. All that’s changed, really, is I don’t write at Panera once a week.

An event you were looking forward to that got canceled? I had a bubble tea date and a lunch date with ex-coworkers planned, which I’m kind of sad we had to postpone, and I feel bad that I had to cancel my second birds weekend in March, but that was when we were still self-isolating and I didn’t want to get the rest of the RAPTOR squad sick. Nothing major, and all easily re-schedulable.

What movies have you watched recently? Wow, I’m really bad at watching things. I did rewatch Suicide Squad not too long ago, because my roommate and I were going to see Birds of Prey and she hadn���t seen it. But then . . . this happened. I’d still like to see BoP, and also the desire to rewatch Ice Age, of all things, hit me like a glacier: gradual but inevitable.

What shows are you watching? Seriously: I’m so bad at watching things. Just finished The Witcher, though, because it came highly recommended and I could watch it with a buddy! That was lots of fun--especially the Buddy Watch part. I haven’t committed to the next one, and I’m likely to waffle around the idea of “maybe I should watch a show!” for the entirety of the month, until the month is up and it’s Writing Time again, and then that’ll be my excuse for not XD

What music are you listening to? I’ve been on a Pandora kick, for my Panic! At the Disco station, which means I Don’t Know What I Want And Need Something New lol. Hozier or Bastille when I have my iPod instead of my phone. Doom Days feels like a great album right now.

What are you reading? THIS IS MY JAM. I’ve been working through Joan He’s Descendant of the Crane, and I’m enjoying it! It was slow going while I was proofreading my book, but now that I’m sending that to agents and technically Between Big Writing Projects ‘til May, I’m hoping for much reading time. Next on deck is How Long ‘Til Black Future Month? by NK Jemisin, and I bought myself Many Reward Books for writing milestones. The Gutter Prayer is eyeballing me, and I’m expecting two (TWO!!) deliveries within the next week or so!! Super pumped.

What are you doing for self-care? I’ve still been walking at least a mile a day (which was my goal at the beginning of the year), Consciously Socially Distant, and it’s been so nice out. Sticking to my writing battle plan helped me, too, because it’s absorbing, so I’m hoping to write some Fluff and some Suffering as catharsis--I’ve got a handful of ideas for both, and it’s fun to write just for me. I’ve also been journaling for the first time in years, to have a record. Longer phone calls and Skype calls with friends and family, too. I’m hoping to sink into Many Books, and make some knitting progress! It’s weird because April was supposed to be my writing break month anyway, and I always use those as recovery times. I’ll just have to remind myself to be gentler than usual, and make sure I get enough sunlight, and limit how many times I check the news. And also sleep, I suppose.

Tagging, if you’re interested (as always: No pressure if you’re not!): @asexualbookbird, @flamingmirrorbookish, @pixie-enby99, and anyone else who wants in! If you do this, please tag me so I can see--I’d love to check in. Take care of yourselves, and sending love from Ohio <3