#And in his mind there is no reason whatsoever to doubt everything people have said to him

[tails-boogie-board]

Hes 8

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook

𝐇𝐨𝐭 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝 🔞 | Oneshot

"Does he even pay you?"

Tags/Warnings: Idol!Jungkook, fuckboy!Jungkook, friends with benefits situation, major angst, mentions of sex work, smoking, smut, god so much filth, Dom!Jungkook, big dick JK but what's new, did I mention angst?, protected sex, multiple rounds, multiple positions, a brief thighjob, so many feelings

Length: 7k+ words

There is no taglist for this fic. This is a Oneshot.

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"How does it feel to be a celebrity and ending up with me?" You wonder at him over the music, making him frown before he shakes his head, pulling you in by your hands he's holding.

"What're you talking about babe?" He argues softly, letting go of your hands to hold your waist now. "I've got the prettiest girl at my side, in my opinion. Can't complain whatsoever." He tells you into your ear, voice raised a bit and slightly raspy from his last smoking break.

You just shrug, enjoying the music when some people approach you, talking to Jungkook about something you don't listen in on, even though he's still holding you close. It's none of your business, you really don't want to get too involved with his work and everything around it, but it's clear that he likes to do exactly that.

Jungkook wants you around all the time. Doesn't matter if it fits the scene and situation, if he can invite you or bring you along, he will.

Fans don't know your connection to him. They constantly battle it out in comment sections that you're just a translator, nothing else, that you're staff so of course you have to travel alongside him. And just how they can seem to connect everything to dating if it fits their 'ship' they've got inside their minds, they're also talented in finding thousands of (sometimes frankly ridiculous) reasons as to why it cannot possibly be true either.

While before, someone wearing the same jewelry as Jungkook was a confirmation of a relationship, with you its just pure coincidence. You're an adult woman, you can choose whatever necklace or ring you want, that doesn't mean you're dating him. You're wearing the same t-shirt he wore just a day ago? Maybe you just own the same, or he was nice enough to lend it to you for one reason or the other. Seen near his hotel room? Well of course, you're staff!

The truth is, that you're not even staff at all- but you're also not dating him.

Jungkook has become awfully… comfortable in his trust that fans will brush off every rumor floating around. It's why he's shamelessly grabbing your tits from behind right now just for the fun of it, lips kissing your neck as you slap them off to hold your waist instead. "They'll call it AI-generated or something." He laughs, but you can't shake off the feeling of doubt about that. "And there's no one here filming anyways. It's a private VIP zone, so relax baby." He chuckles, swaying you with him to the beat.

He's right that this is a secluded zone- but that's never stopped anything ever before, did it. One random Instagram live where you're both seen in the background and it's over. For both of you.

"Let's go back to the hotel though. I'm horny as fuck." He laughs, making you roll your eyes with red cheeks to go with.

Jungkook is a shameless person- he doesn't see anything wrong with the things he says or does if they're not hurting anybody. He's got his own opinions and he stands by them, only ever shifting his stance if there's undeniable evidence of him being wrong shown to him. And he also enjoys the more physical aspects of love.

Jungkook enjoys sex to its fullest.

He used to sleep around quite often, his charm and also wealth and status enough to make the act of finding someone willing fairly easy. Most wouldn't be believed anyways if they openly said he'd slept with them- he made sure they never took pictures or god forbid videos, and he also never stayed the night, most of the time preferred the security of his own home where he could politely tell them to leave after the deed was done, his reasoning always having to do something with his work.

'I'm sorry, I got called up to the studio.'

'Fuck I forgot I had a flight early morning tomorrow.'

'I'm really sorry, ah this is awkward, but my manager just told me to a live now, and I can't have you being seen.'

You knew he did this. You were staff at some point, after all, even if not hired by his company but rather outsourced during a particularly demanding schedule and many other employees sick due to a viral infection going around in the office building.

You'd been just another victim of his. But somehow, he ended up biting down too hard- making him taste blood, Primal hunger awakened at the mind-blowing experience he'd had, an odd need to keep you just for himself having blossomed from it all. You were a keeper, you still are- and while it's not really love, it's good enough for him. Close enough.

He reminds you, regularly, that it's not love, with how he never claims to love you, avoids the topic altogether, always tells others you're just very close even when it's obvious just like tonight that you're a little too close to just be something casual. But he enjoys your presence nonetheless. Like a dear friend, just with some deeper layers to it.

Some staff call you his personal prostitute. And in a way, you do sometimes feel like that.

Jungkook is that kind of man who could have sex first thing in the morning. Doesn't even have to wake up fully- if you touch him just a bit, he'll come to life in an instant, if he's not sporting a boner already. He enjoys the exhaustion he feels afterwards, always pushes you past your first and second O, keeps his own saved up for the very last stretch all the time. He draws it out to high heavens, has trouble calling it quits.

Shower sex he's mastered, knows exactly where to step and what position to get into to make it as safe as possible. He loves having you on his large sofa, leather easy to clean after you're both done. Sixty-nine is his favorite dinner for two, though he has to admit that lately, he's been enjoying the more closer positions a lot more. Spooning from behind, lotus, you name it- you've become more than just an outlet for him.

He doesn't know what they call you behind his back. What your unofficial status is. They'd never admit that to him, because why would they? No one wants to get on his bad side if they don't have to.

He's on his phone, free hand on your thigh as you both sit in the back of the car that's driving him back to his hotel. He's gonna get out first, make his way inside, while you'll get in later from the back entrance to not raise any suspicion. It's normal. Routine. You've mastered it by now.

"I'll see you in ten." He winks before he makes his way out the car, rushing past some fans who've found out his location, bodyguards already there to guide him inside the lobby.

"Does he pay you?" The driver chuckles, and you shake your head. "Damn." The elderly man clicks his tongue. "Go find yourself an actual man, dear." He tells you as he parks behind the hotel, watching you move, your phone vibrating in your pocket, before it stops suddenly. "You know what they call you, right?"

"I know." You admit quietly.

"And you're okay with that? You're too sweet to let yourself be used like that. Have some self-worth." The man tells you with a kind tone. "I've seen you around long enough to know that you're kind, and a nice person. Trust me, you can and will find a proper man to love you right. But this?" He shakes his head. "You know he just wants you because you've become routine."

"I know." You repeat again, sighing a little.

"You're not what they say you are. You're just a little soft at heart, hm?" The old guy smiles over his shoulder, watching you unbundled your seatbelt. "Trust me, he won't be sad if you call it quits. I've worked for guys like this for more than thirty years- they'll just jump to the next." He explains, and you smile to yourself, before you nod towards the man. "Never mess with entertainers, sweetheart. They'll always break your heart." he offers.

"I know." You say once more, before you exit the car, and get on your way to Jungkook's hotel room.

You don't officially share one, but he still keeps you around for most of the night. You leave whenever he has to do a livestream or if he wants to go to bed, and you come back if he wants you to- but most nights you sleep alone, because he deems it too intimate for you to stay.

Apparently, sleeping in the same bed is more intimate than spitting on your cunt. Interesting.

When you knock on the door, Jungkook opens. Something's off, you notice it right away, but you don't dwell on it, don't answer. It's none of your business, and he won't tell you anyways, so what's the point in just further inducing his bad mood.

It's quiet as he moves around, since he doesn't talk to you, and you don't know what to say. You wait for him to make his move, and when he doesn't, you get up to grab your sweater you forgot in his room earlier, just to have him stand behind you, hands on your hips. "I didn't forget about you." He chuckles, and you let the fabric slip out of your fingers and back onto the floor as he kisses the crook of your neck.

Maybe jungkook is indeed using you. But you've started to use him just as much, if only to even out the odds, and make yourself feel more than just cheap company.

He slips out of his shirt. You raise your arms to help him take off yours, your naked skin at this point almost a requirement for him every time he takes you. He used to be satisfied with just fucking you somewhere quiet quick and simple to quench his thirst, but over the course of time now nearing an entire year, he's become more and more hungry. Like he wants to crawl underneath your skin at some point, the Idol constantly pushes himself more and more inside your body, not just in a sexual sense. He buys you clothes he thinks will look good on you, has a playlist just for when you're at his place filled with somber lovesongs more about heartbreak than anything else. He claims he didn't look up the lyrics, but you know he's lying. He knows a lot more english than he admits, just so he can pull the 'I don't understand' card whenever he's asked a question he doesn't want to answer.

He lets you wear his clothes without much comment by now, has gifted you jewelry he's worn and liked, laughs any mention of that being 'such a sweet gesture' off if anyone around him mentions it. He's not your boyfriend, but he surely is starting to act like it- maybe the lines are blurring for him just as much as they do for you?

People around you have started betting. On when he's gonna have another one, when you'll be 'swapped out' for something else, or at what point he's gonna make it official that you're indeed more than just nightly company. You don't await that day. It's never gonna come anyways.

"Turn around." He commands, and you do, because that's the easiest way to get where you want to be down the line. Head empty, no thoughts left, fucked stupid by a man who keeps you around for just your body and the familiarity you provide. You don't really mind any longer, long having stopped caring about emotions that are fruitless, bound to rot and die because Jungkook won't ever nurture anything you'd try and plant in his heart. He doesn't want it, and doesn't need it either- if he wants to feel loved, he just has to show his face to his millions of fans always on edge for more content. That's where he gets his love from. Maybe you're just there to feed other desires he can't have fulfilled like that.

He licks his lips as he gazes over your naked upper body, bra long undone by his hands on your back, fingers trained in the routine by now. You remember the surprise he'd shown you when you'd worn one with the clasp up front, face so soft and round for just a second that it felt like you'd just slipped into a dream- but his hunger had quickly returned, because Jungkook is a beast never satisfied. He craves more and more, constantly aims for absolute euphoria, never soft, never gentle.

Jungkook bites. He claims, grips, holds and pushes- he's aware over the physical strength he holds over you, and plays around with the fact almost every night. From tugging on your leg to pushing your head down whenever you decide to please him with your mouth instead for once. Something about the way you swallow around him and swirl your tongue always makes him feral, thighs trembling as the muscles spasm beneath the skin from the force of his orgasm. Maybe that's why he keeps you around. Because you can keep up.

His own shirt is shed, and his hands make quick work of his belt before he helps you out of your pants as well. He'd told you he didn't want to use the bed tonight, because asking for new sheets is always awkward, but he does it anyways- picks you up just to let you fall onto the bed, crawling over you. "What do you want?" You ask out of breath, but he just tilts his head in familiar habit, until it shakes no.

"Don't know yet." He answers. This is new.

Usually he always has a fixed scene set out, knows how he wants to take you right away, but this time he visibly seems unsure where to start. Almost like the first time.

He spits in his hand, doesn't bother taking off the rings, fingers working you up like it's second nature. He knows where to place them, how to move and what patterns to choose- and you don't bother thinking about the possible reason for it. Probably to get you wet and ready quick so he can get to the actual act itself, or maybe he just finds some sort of personal satisfaction from it. You're not sure- and neither do you really want to ask.

You're a little cold, but he'll warm you up soon. Hopefully you won't get sick like last time. Will he find someone else to fuck if you're unavailable?

Who knows. He surely has a lot to choose from, if he so much as asked.

He's got a question on his mind, but visibly contemplates on asking it. His teeth clamp down on his bottom lip, tongue playing with the twin piercings placed there for a second, before he leans in, kisses you. This is one of those things he does that are just outright cruel to you. His kisses full of fever and want feel so burning hot that you're sure you're marked by them for life. Like a signature he's inked underneath your skin almost he claims you again and again like this, with his tongue teasing yours, mouths open and ready to steal each other's breath.

He surely takes yours hostage, every time- and that's probably the smallest crime he commits.

"Have you eaten today?" He asks, and it catches you off guard, eyes opening again, painfully tugged back into reality where he lets his sticky hand run over your abdomen, just to settle on your hipbone. "Your stomach keeps growling." He teases, and you come crashing down. Of course. He'd never actually remember to ask that out of the blue if it wasn't for something reminding him about it.

"Not really." You respond, adjusting your position a little bit, legs trying to pull him closer. "Doesn't matter." You say, and he hums, leaning down again to mouth at your neck- probably marking his territory again, a joke made on a constant whenever you turn up with the blooming bruises on your skin, their origin more than obvious.

"Hm." He hums, almost dissatisfied, but you don't bother to think about it. He moves to lean off the side of the bed, pulling his suitcase closer to get himself a condom, opening the package easily before he rolls it over his length. He seems oddly soft tonight, in more ways than one. Is he still exhausted from the shooting? Could be. He never wants to admit himself that he has to take breaks, thinks that his body can just magically manifest strength from nothing but pure thought, and it used to irritate you, because you felt responsible, in a way. But that was when you still saw more in this than there actually was- nowadays, it's his business, not yours. He's got nutritionists and personal trainers who get paid for taking care of him. It's not your job.

What is your job, really?

Well, you're most certainly not working under his company any longer, and neither have you returned to your original agency either- simply because Jungkook's management deemed you too much of a danger in your position, after the idol had let it slip that you two were having sex on a regular basis. So you just signed an NDA, got paid for your silence, now earning a living by writing books. Modern fantasy novels, where the daydreams you once had can actually become reality, and your hopes and wishes can be dreamed of by other people who have the same.

It's good money. A hobby you cherish.

Jungkook has never asked you what you work as nowadays. He doesn't even visit your apartment, has never seen it before, and he doesn't know if you have family either. He just takes you as his, lets you live alongside him and entertains you whenever he's in the mood for it. And you let him, because these days, he's all you've got. There's not much else you can do than write all day at home or accompany him on his overseas schedules.

You're not sure why he always drags you along, when back home, he won't even call you for days. Maybe he doesn't have to? Maybe his bed at home is always warm. But if that's the case, why not take them on a trip once in a while? Does he have designated women for specific occasions?

Then who will the woman be he chooses to show to the public one day? Number three in his harem?

You can't even truly blame him. As someone he grew up in this industry, his view on the world is warped, shifted, not the same colors as yours. He doesn't feel the same worth in a simple banknote that you do, he can't understand the struggle of missing the bus or having to face an empty fridge.

"Sit up, baby." He tells you, chuckles when you struggle a little to do so- compared to him, flying around all the time actually does take a toll on you. And the petname doesn't make it any better in this moment, as his hands reach out to hold you steady, helping your legs over his thighs, before he guides the head of his cock into you. He wants you close tonight it seems like. Hopefully he keeps holding you, because you're not very energetic this time. "I've got you." He says, and you nod, resting your arms around his neck, hands faintly touching the skin of his back. "Are you cold?" He wonders.

"A bit." You respond. He's probably noticed your icy fingertips.

"I'll warm you up." He purrs, and you nod. You know he will. He always does- always hot hearted in everything he does, even in this. He holds you close, hands on your behind helping you move, your hips rolling a bit too slow for his liking, but he overlooks it for once. You're not sure what's up with him tonight. This isn't him. "You tired, baby?" He wonders, and you nod.

"Sorry." You tell him, but he shakes his head, moves to lay you down, knees pressed into the soft hotel bed mattress as he thrusts his hips forwards.

"It's alright." He brushes it off. "Flight was long as hell." He muses, lazily moving himself. You're enjoying this, even if it's odd for him to behave this way. "Wanna come over for breakfast tomorrow morning?" He asks, and you shake your head.

"Can't." You sigh, arms now moving to lay above your head, eyes closed in bliss. "I fly out back home at 8 tomorrow." You remind him, and you can't see the way his brows lower, face darkening as he realizes he didn't know that. You usually fly back after him. Why are you going home sooner this time?

"Why?" He huffs out, hands grabbing your legs as he pulls your thighs over his, pushing himself deeper now. "You always fly after me." He almost growls.

"I dunno.." You slur. "Management said." You just respond. Why does he seem so irritated by this? It's not a huge deal at all if you fly back sooner or later. He's not gonna call you up back home anyways, so why does it bother him so much.

"Management can go fuck themselves." He argues. "You fly after me. I'll book the flight myself if I have to." he demands practically, slight irritation causing him to have his energy boil up, position adjusted as he becomes more restless, balls smacking loudly against you cunt, pace a lot more ruthless now.

You're finally reaching it. Your head becomes fuzzy.

You don't notice Jungkook becoming almost.. satisfied from that sight of your tension finally leaving. You're nothing but whimpers of pleasure as he slips out of you, hands tugging and pushing your legs and body to have you on your side, the taller Idol now laying down on his side behind you to spoon you, dragging the head of his length through your soaked and slicked up folds. one hand holds up your thigh, helps in opening you up, though you're pretty much gaping from his girth stretching you out moments prior. His lips find your shoulder, your neck, as he pushes himself back inside with the help of your hands-

who suddenly do something new as well, tugging the condom from his cock, making him gasp out in sensitivity. "What're you doing?" He grows.

"IUD." You tell him. "Please-" You beg, and yet again he moves as if awakened from slumber, pushing you halfway on your stomach as he pushes the now bare head of his cock back inside you. This is most certainly new, and he knows for a fact, that he's never going back again.

"Fuck.." He almost laughs, leaning over you now, body covering yours as he just pushes himself in for a good moment, humming a sound of pleasure into your neck as he lets himself relish in the new sensation. "Ah-" He sighs out, before he clenches his jaw, thrusting hard as if to make sure your body will remember him for days to come.

It will. Sadly.

"God, fuck-!" He groans out, holding onto your body now, having turned you onto your side, hand reaching out adjust your arm so he can see your face. Your lips are parted, eyes closed in bliss, and he can't help but have his hand smack down onto your behind that's moving in a way that's way too inviting. He does it a second time, slap clearly heard as he smirks at the way you clench around his cock currently rearranging your insides. He moves your leg to rest over his shoulder, reaching even deeper, hand underneath your belly button pressing where he can faintly feel himself move.

No one can blame him for being absolutely obsessed with your body.

He can feel the way you begin to tighten, thighs shaking a little as you come undone, his hands moving your legs again to close them once more, holding them up, slipping out of your clenching cunt to push his cock right between your soft and wet thighs. it's enough for a moment, though you reach out to touch the tip poking through almost teasingly, making him laugh as he suddenly sighs out, groaning as he spills over your stomach and up your chest. You're breathing heavily, and don't notice you start to shiver, as he parts from you to turn on the light in the bathroom to clean up.

Aftercare is not really his thing- and you've come to accept that.

When you sit up, you stretch your arms in front of you, muscles slowly regaining strength as you wait for Jungkook to finish up, toilet flushing before he emerges again, shamelessly walking without underwear, gaze following you as you walk past him to use the bathroom yourself.

The moment you re-emerge to grab your clothes, he's sitting on the edge of the bed with his boxers back on, phone in his hand. "I booked the flight for you. Tomorrow at 12:30." He tells you as you slip back into your underwear, not bothering with the bra as you search for where he'd thrown your shirt. "Here." He offers- and you slip the garment on with a thanks, only noticing afterwards that that's not yours at all, oversized fabric reaching almost to your knees. "Cute." He comments way too quiet to be meant to be heard, so you don't mention it at all.

"Why is the flight-thing so important?" You wonder, slipping into your socks as he moves around to find the hotel room service menu.

"Because you always fly back after me." He repeats again, clearing his throat.

"…you already said that." You mumble to yourself, but he clearly hears you.

"Fuck alright, god damnit!" He whines in complaint, rolling his eyes. "If you were to fly back earlier, you'll run right into all the paparazzi and shit waiting for me. That's why you're meant to fly back later- so they're gone by the time you arrive." He explains, and you're stunned in the spot you're standing, watching him a bit confused.

So that's the reason?

"It's not like they know." You say, unsure why he's so adamant about it.

"Doesn't matter." He shakes his head. "I'm not having them jump you for whatever reason they might have." He denies, before he sits down in the seat near the window which blinds are shut. "Now what do you wanna eat?" He asks, and you shake your head.

"I'll eat something tomorrow morning." You deny, and he slumps back in his seat, eyes closed and tongue pushed against his cheek.

"What do you want to fucking eat, babe." He repeats, making sure to pronounce the petname before he looks at you with frustration.

"Nothing." You respond. "Are we done?" You ask him, and he shakes his head, setting the menu down before he crosses his arms.

"No." He denies. "What to they call you?" He asks, and you're not sure what he's getting at, shaking your head with brows furrowed in confusion.

"What're you talking about?" You ask, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"What do they call you?" He repeats. "I heard what you talked about in the car when I left."

"How?" You ask baffled.

"Telepathy." He jokes without humor, before he scoffs to himself. "I called you to actually ask you if you wanted to eat something- but you must've accidentally accepted the call without looking, because I clearly listened in on a convo I wasn't supposed to hear." He explains. "Either way, I want an answer. What. Do. They. Call. You." He demands, and you sigh.

"Why does it matter?" You argue, searching for your leggings in the room- finding them over the armrest of the chair he's currently sitting in. "I'm your personal prostitute, just without the pay." You tell him, and it takes him a second to realize that that's your answer.

Suddenly, he wants you out the room.

Not because he doesn't want you here any longer, but because the guilt is eating him alive with ever second he has to look at you. Because the more he think about it, the more it becomes obvious to him that this really must look like just that to everyone. After all, he's just taking you with him apparently for sex, and he's become so comfortable in it that he didn't think about it any longer. It's what you want too, right?

Jungkook has never really learned how to convey his emotions properly. He doesn't know what it's like to fall in love, has no idea what to look out for. He likes spending time with you, and enjoys the sex to the point that he's been monogamous with only you for the past year or so. It's nice to be in a relationship, even though he knows this one isn't normal. It's still okay, because down the line, you understand each other. He likes you, he just doesn't want people to use that against him or you at some point- so he keeps your status to himself. No one needs to know you're a couple. Only you and him. Because.. you know that, right?

"You know that's not what you are to me, right?" He asks, and you shrug.

"Does it matter?" You ask. "It's none of my business who I am to you, or whoever you screw apart from me." You say.

"What?" He asks, crossed arms unraveling. "I'm not fucking anyone but you." He says.

"Cool." You say.

"Cool? That's it?" He argues. "How can you be so calm about everyone else telling you I'm apparently cheating on you?" He worries, and you're yet again confused.

"What're you talking about?" You ask. "That's got nothing to do with cheating." You say.

"No no no no whoa there. Stop for a second." He holds his hands out as if to soothe a raging crowd of people, looking at the carpet. "You- you do know we're in a relationship, right?" He asks you, and your face tells him everything he needs to know. "Oh my fucking god are you kidding me…" He complains into his hands, covering his face in frustration.

"How the hell was I supposed to know?" You say, now with your own arms crossed. "Jungkook, you rarely even talk to me when we're back home. You only take me with you when you've got something up overseas, you constantly tell people we're just friends, you've never even asked me out in the first place!" You argue.

"We've been fucking each other for almost a year, I thought it was obvious I liked you?!" He whines, looking at you with what you realize are tears brimming on his waterline. Why is he so emotional now? "Have you- did you see anyone other than me?" He asks quietly, and you shake your head.

"No." You deny.

"Okay. Fuck- okay." He takes a deep breath, swallows down his panic. "I like you. I don't- I've got no clue if it's love or not because I don't know, alright? But I like you, a lot, to the point where I want us to be something permanent." He tries to explain. "Just us. You and me." He underlines, and you shrug.

"Jungkook, it's not that easy." You sigh. "If this has been what you think a relationship is like, then we won't work out."

"Alright, then what do you need me to do?" He argues, not letting go. "God- fuck, tell me what do I have to do to make you stay?" He asks, voice cracking.

"Jungkook, calm down-" You start, but he shakes his head, swallows thickly, bottom lip quivering for just a second before he licks over it, pulls it in between his teeth.

"I can't-! Not when it sounds like you're gonna leave me-" He worries.

"I'm not, don't worry. I'll stay. Just.. breathe for a second, alright?" You ask, getting up to walk closer, pushing his shoulders back to force him out of his slumped over position. "Hey- okay?" You ask, and he instead pulls you closer, sits you onto his lap, before he clings onto you, resting his forehead in your shoulder. "Why do you never reach out to me when we're home? You're confusing me." You gently tell him, and he shrugs.

"I'm scared they'll see you." He sniffles. "If they do- they'll tear you apart." He sighs. "When we're out here, like this- I can just.. claim you're staff, whatever. But at home- I can't.. I don't know how to protect you." He shakes his head.

"You should've told me." You sigh, leaning into him. "I was hurt, you know?" You tell him.

"I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm so sorry." He apologizes, pulls you just a bit closer. "I don't know what to do." He whines.

"What if you just visit me instead?" You offer. "They don't know where I live. And my windows are all mirrored so no one can look inside." You tell him.

"…since when?" he asks, leaning away from you a little so that you can finally see his face again, eyes red, a stray tear escaping him that you wipe off.

"Since a few months ago? Jungkook you don't even know my apartment in the first place. You've never visited me at all, ever!" You laugh, and he sighs.

"I know, and I.. always wanted to, you know, visit you.. spend time with you but.." He runs a hand over his face.

"You're okay. We talked about it now." You nod, an action he copies. "I'll come back tomorrow morning and we can have breakfast together, okay?" You ask, but he shakes his head.

"No, you gotta stay." He denies. "I don't care if you don't like that, but I need you close tonight." He says.

"Never said I don't." You say. "You just seemed uncomfortable with it." You wonder.

"Because I snore!" He whines, throwing his head back. "I snore, I move a lot, I might cling to you at night or I sweat, or whatever the fuck- I'm not as perfect as I'm made out to be." He complains.

"Jungkook sorry, but what the fuck." You laugh, and he can't help but smile at the sight and sound of you happy. "You can fart and burp like whatever, and I'd still stay. You're human, I'm not perfect either!" You explain, but he shakes his head, leaning forwards to kiss your already blossoming bruises on your neck.

"No, you are." He says. "You're absolutely perfect." He argues.

"Not really." You deny.

"Stop arguing." He complains, squeezes your waist a bit.

"What're you gonna do about it?" You tease, and he looks up at you with a heated gaze.

"Get me nice n' hard and I'll show you." He responds, making you giggle with eyes rolling, as you lean back to tug him out of his underwear, a hiss leaving him. "Fuck, baby your hands are icy!" He laughs, leaning back to hold your legs so you don't slip off of his thighs.

"That's cause it's cold in here!" You joke back, warming your hands up on his already heated length, skin already flushed and swelling as the blood rushes back. His hands travel beneath the shirt you wear, softly grabbing at the flesh of your chest, making you get up to shed your underwear and get back onto his lap.

"Think you can ride me on this thing?" He asks, talking about the seat he's sitting in. "Kinda tired right now, won't lie."

"Huh, making me do all the work now?" You raise your brows. "And here I thought you wanted to take us seriously.." You sigh, attempting to joke- but he clearly doesn't take it as such, face becoming serious again.

"Lift your hips a little." He demands, and you do so- unsure what he's trying to do, before he spits into his hand once more, feeling you up between your legs to check if you're ready. You are- quickly slicking up at the thought of him, and he guides his length inside of you again, stretching you out once more, but this time, it's not just sex.

He refuses to move. He just helps you settle on his lap, but holds onto your hips, keeping you from moving. "Jungkook-" You whine, but he shakes his head, and pulls your face closer to kiss you.

"No, I wanna stay like this for a bit." He denies.

"But I thought we wanted to eat something later?" You ask, making him roll his eyes.

"I'm trying to be romantic here." He complains.

"By putting your dick inside me?" You ask.

"Well I don't know what else to do!" He whines. "I.. I don't really know how else to properly express.." He falls deep into thought for a second or two, before he finally says it. "I don't know how else to make sure you can.."

"..feel how much I love you."

You're quiet for a good while, watching how he rather looks at your neck than at you in particular, avoiding eye contact as he continues to move his hands back to your sides underneath your shirt. "Jungkook…" You mumble, and he cringes.

"Don't-" He sighs, clicks his tongue in irritation. "-don't pity me or something-" He begins.

"No no no I'm not pitying you I just-" You cut him off, now your hands holding his cheeks to force him to look at you. Because you just realized something in the things he's said earlier. "Remember how you said.. you want me to fly back after you?" You ask, and he nods.

"Yeah." He answers, his way warmer palms now taking yours from his face, holding them in his. "Of course."

"That's.. something that also shows that you care about me." You say. "Because, you didn't say that you were worried about someone spotting me and putting your career on the line- but that you were worried about me being in danger." You remind him, and he nods. "Or how you noticed my stomach growling, and wondered if I ate today." You giggle.

"I already wondered if you didn't- cause I didn't see you eat anything." He shrugs.

"See?" You hum towards him, running your hand through his hair. "That shows you care, too." You say.

"But I want you to feel it." He complains stubbornly. "I want you to.. feel the same as I do when I'm around you." He offers.

"Horny?" You ask, and he rolls his eyes, throwing his head back.

"That too-" He laughs. "But mostly.. just, I don't know." He takes a deep breath. "It's hard to explain. It's like chest constricts when I'm not around you. Whenever I'm home, I miss you so bad that I sometimes go to sleep early just to avoid giving in and calling you. I have to distract myself just to not think about you- and yet I still do, almost all the time." He sighs, tucking your hair behind your ears. "When I wake up.." He hums, hands moving to your shoulders. "When I do my morning routine.." He explains, letting his fingers travel over the length of your arms. "When I work out.." He continues. "When I go to bed. It doesn't matter at all." He shakes his head.

"You know you don't have to make up something just to make me stay, right?" You ask him, and at that, his eyes immediately snap back up to you, panic returning.

"I'm not." He denies instantly. "I'm really not-" he urges. "-how can I prove it?" He worries.

"You.. listen, it's not something that you can just clear up in a moment." You sigh. "It's gonna take time. We're basically starting from scratch here." You explain, and he nods.

"Do you.. should we stop then?" He asks, glancing between your bodies for a second. "Until you believe me?" He wonders, and you shrug, before you shake your head.

"No." You deny. "I'd miss you too much-" You tell him, before you adjust your legs, arms around his neck. "-And you'd probably go insane without sex." You tease.

"Not without sex." He denies, watching how you begin to move your hips, letting him slip out until just the very tip remains inside you. "But without you." He clarifies. "It's not sex I want- that's a… I don't know. It's the closeness I feel, you know?" He sighs when you sink back down. "I just like touching you.. being inside you.." He hums, eyes fluttering closed as he leans back into the seat while your hands settle on his shoulders to keep you balanced, pace slow but fast enough to intensify the pleasure you both feel. "Just like that.." He sighs out in bliss.

"I have a really nice couch, you know?" You hum towards him, making him smile while his hands find your waist. "My bed is really big too.." You tell him, and he opens his eyes a little at that.

"Big enough for two?" He wonders, and you shrug.

"Guess we have to find out." You tease, and he nods, hands moving from your waist to your hips before one of them finds your heat between your legs where he can see his cock disappearing inside you.

"Is the couch sturdy?" He wonders, fingers playing with your clit now, making the muscles in your thighs twitch.

"Ah- yes!" You whine, picking up your pace.

"Hm, gonna fuck you on it then." He chuckles. "Stress-test it." He jokes, and you whimper as you come undone, your slick now coating his own legs, strings of the sticky fluid keeping you both connected, wet sounds echoing off the walls of the hotel room. "Break it." He growls, heels on the ground helping him in shifting his hips upwards into you, catching you off guard, your orgasm washing over you in a wave threatening to drown you.

You're shaking, but you still move, needing to feel him reach his high as well, and he does find his own release, spilling whatever he's got left to give, holding you close, kissing whatever skin he can reach from how you're hugging him now, breathing slowly easing again.

And he keeps you like this, uncaring of the food since it's by now too late to order any roomservice anyways.

And for the first time, he actually sleeps next to you, in the same bed-

promising himself to do everything he can to keep you this close, for now and as long as you'll have him.

[0423s-archived]

CUDDLES WITH ENHYPEN

PAIRING. boyfriend!enhypen x gn!reader

GENRE. fluff, headcanons

WORDS. 865

WARNINGS. none really (let me know if there should be!)

A/N. yes i'm writing during my trip, pls ignore what i said about not doing that 😬. feedback and reblogs are always appreciated <3 requests are open if you'd like to read something similar (or different). thanks for taking the time to read this!!

taglist | masterlist

lee heeseung — a lover of cuddles. he will never pass up on the opportunity. he's got a garden of pillows and blankets on his couch. people often assume they're there because he tends to crash out on his couch (hence why his back is always aching) and while that may be true in part, the actual reason is so that he can cuddle with you as comfortably as possible. sometimes he even hugs his blankets and pillows, pretending that it's you instead. cuddling is such a habitual activity for you both. you go from sitting side by side to laying down together in the blink of an eye, regardless of the time. heeseung just loves holding you close, being able to smell your hair and feel your heartbeat synch with his own. SMALL SPOON.

park jongseong — he doesn't mind cuddles. if you wanna cuddle, he'll “agree” to it. but when he's feeling affectionate and wants to cuddle, he'll play it off as wanting a long hug in bed. it's not because he's embarrassed or anything like that. he's just shy and for some reason admitting he wants to cuddle out loud is impossible for him. i feel like jay fosters this eternal warmth. he's comfy and cozy 24/7. he doesn't need any blankets or pillows, nothing. this guy could cuddle you on the floor and you'd still enjoy it, no doubts whatsoever. he always tucks your head under his chin and he constantly has this peaceful, unbothered, blissful smile on his face whenever you're in his embrace. BIG SPOON.

sim jaeyun — the literal definition of a cuddle bug. jake believes the solution to everything is cuddles. dude will literally step away mid fight and tell you that he's too tired to keep bickering with you so if you're ready to calm down just meet him in bed (that sounds so suggestive but he always means it innocently). jake is definitely very good at conveying his thoughts verbally, but sometimes its best to just let your actions take the stand. and it just so turns out that how he feels is very clear from the way he cuddles with you. if he's facing away from you, maybe he's a little cross, if he's the small spoon, he's feeling apologetic, and if he's the big spoon, he's forgiving you. cuddling’s a love language with him. BIG AND SMALL SPOON.

park sunghoon — groans and complains when you force him to cuddle with you but everyone and their mom knows that he loves it so much (perhaps even more than you). physical affection really isn’t his strong suit. especially when he's the one who's supposed to be giving it. and cuddling’s a two party task so he freaks out a little. but like, compared to when you first even proposed the idea of cuddling to now, he's definitely warmed up a lot. he doesn't shy away from your embrace anymore and he always cuddles you back. sunghoon likes that he can be close to you without having intrusive thoughts eating away at him subconsciously. BIG SPOON.

kim sunoo — cuddling with sunoo would literally be so heavenly, i cannot tell you enough. he's so warm and bubbly and affectionate. of course he gives great cuddles. he hugs you tight, he warms you up from the inside and the outside. neither of you can stop smiling. cuddling with him is so fun you don't even require the accompaniment of other entertainment like a favorite movie or tv show. after a long day, when he's way too tired to be himself, he'll cuddle with you so that you know he's doing alright. often wordless, your embrace declares enough. BIG SPOON.

yang jungwon — a shy cuddler. he gets so flustered whenever you link your arms around his waist or rest your head on his chest. he knows you can feel how significantly his skin has heated up and how fast his heart is thundering, and that only embarrasses him more because why is he so shy around his significant other? it did take him some time to feel confident about initiating and providing physical intimacy. but now he knows that if he feels comfortable, you're comfortable as well. and oh, the giggles. both of you are in such a sweet and fluffy mood that some cheesy lines slip and you both just can't stop laughing about it. SMALL SPOON. 

nishimura riki — annoys the shit out of you. he'll squeeze you super tight and act all innocent when you complain. you're the one who wants to cuddle so you have to take what he's giving you, no objections whatsoever. but when he wants cuddles, he expects to be treated like a little prince. play with his hair and tell him everything you love about him. but don't you dare coddle him like a baby. if you do he'll get all sad and blue and it'll ruin his mood (yes he's a drama queen and yes he's a big baby). cuddles are like a last resort to boredom. if there's nothing else to do, he'll come and cuddle with you. 9/10 times he falls asleep in your embrace. SMALL SPOON. 

© 0423s | tumblr

[lxdyred]

New people in town | Ch. 2 Sneak Peek

Chapter 1 - New people in town // Chapter 2 - How to disappear

Joel Miller x Ex-lover!Reader (She/her), OC!May Miller x Mom!Reader, Tommy Miller x Reader (Platonic af)

Summary: In which a girl discovers how the new man in town — who was accompanied by another teenage girl — and her mother were closely and intimately related once, and how almost two decades after they last saw each other, their reunion could possibly turn their worlds upside down.

New people in town playlist ✨

A/N: English is not my maternal language, Spanish is, so I will take advantage of that in the future lmao. Also if you see any grammatical error, please let me know!

Tag list: Open!

Feedback is appreciated! ❤️

"Joel- I... Joel." Red whispered, taking a step towards Joel, who was looking intently at them, but now mostly at his daughter. "You're here." He whispered. May clung to her mother's arm, just like when she was little.

"You're alive." Joel said in a stern, distant tone.

"You doubted I was?" His words hurt her deep down.

The doubt offended.

"Considering you left suddenly and I haven't heard from you in almost two fucking decades? Yes. If you're offended that I left you for dead, that's not my problem."

"I did what I had to do for my own good, Joel." Frowned the woman.

"Don't give me that. Not now." The man with the last name Miller mumbled. "You left to have a kid — my kid, I assume — out on your own? Are you out of your fucking mind?"

"We were nothing, not even friends. We were just using each other to warm each other's beds!"

"And that's a reason to leave without warning?"

"I left you a letter, where I explained everything."

"A letter." Joel mumbled with a certain tone of disdain, which was accompanied by a small cynical chuckle. "A very mature, not at all pusillanimous way for you to disappear overnight. Just like that."

"Fuck you, Joel."

"That part you did 20 years ago, darling. But yeah - whatever you say! That doesn't take away from the fact that you're a fucking quitter!" Joel exclaimed as he stepped forward, approaching both women.

May was quick to jump up and stand in front of her father, interacting with him for the first time, defiant, motivated to protect her mother. "Shut the fuck up, asshole! You disrespect my mother like that again and I swear to God I'll knock your teeth out."

Joel was momentarily stunned to hear the teenage girl say those words to him, without hesitation, without any fear whatsoever. It really surprised him that his first interaction with his daughter was like that. A small part of him blamed himself for it, for the situation had gotten a little out of control. Still, he quickly pulled himself together and turned his attention to his ex-lover.

"I didn't owe you anything! Not a single explanation, still I left you a letter doing so. But yeah, I do not owe you shit! Not before, and certainly not now, do you hear me?" Red exclaimed between her teeth and with tears in her eyes, pointing a finger at Joel. She felt powerless, hurt and very angry.

"You owe me one. She has a first and last name, and she’s right now, standing and breathing, between you and I."

"I insist. I owe you nothing."

[qtipcottonbuds]

𝘽𝘼𝙆𝙐𝙂𝙊𝙐 𝙃𝙀𝘼𝘿𝘾𝘼𝙉𝙊𝙉𝙎.

you can find iida’s and shoto todoroki’s parts here !!

this will be split into three parts for each character for the said anon request, so i can go into a bit more detail. (i’ve never done this type of request before >:O so i will do my best >:D) i hope this is okay o deary me

submitted request ;; can i get some headcanons with iida, todoroki, and bakugo? im a lonely bitch

warnings ;; none really. just sort of softish headcanon thingbobs, and a aged-up katsuki bakugou !!

by qtipcottonbuds 2022. do not repost.

𝗕𝗔𝗞𝗨𝗚𝗢𝗨 𝗫 𝗚𝗡!𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗘𝗥;

COMMUNICATES THROUGH TOUCH, RATHER THAN WORDS ;;

So, this isn’t to say he isn’t great at communication - Katsuki is able to get to the point, direct and straightforward, as well as sorting out situations with relative ease - but, I feel specifically when it comes to comfort, he brings that through physical communication and reassurance.

He’s all too aware that verbal reassurance doesn’t always provide a quick fix, it takes time to believe the words someone is telling you (depending on the situation especially). I feel he’d support you with knowing glances, gentle nods (allowing you to talk at your own pace, and have someone to listen to you in a safe space) and the kneading of his hands across mainly your thighs, arms and nape.

Minimal encouragers; that he’s there with you in the moment, he’s paying attention - just because someone isn’t listening verbally, doesn’t mean they aren’t listening at all. 

KISSES ARE FLEETING, BUT MEANINGFUL ;;

Anyone can be expressive of love and affection, but only in the right setting, and when they are comfortable - and, I feel with Katsuki, with affection, it’s in the form of kisses pressed against your temple, your forehead in a public setting. A silent confirmation.

But, behind closed doors and in the safety of your own home, the kisses shared between the pair of you, are shared between the pair of you alone. It’s intimate and personal. Whether for hearing good news, after or before eating a meal together, or for the most mundane of things - his kisses don’t lose meaning from the repetitiveness, and neither does his words of affirmation; he means what he says, and means what he does. He doesn’t do anything without reason.

TEMPERAMENT-WISE, HE’S MELLOWED OUT ;;

In the context of a aged-up pro-hero Bakugou, over time, I feel he’s definitely learned to react to situations more logically than emotionally, assessing both sides of the standpoint.

There are always two sides to one story, and rather than jumping the gun, he approaches situations with almost a sort of detachment. Asking questions to get a better understanding (in the case of arguments). That’s not to say he doesn’t react with emotion, if it’s something he deeply cares about, or being overwhelmed by minimal, little things, he will ‘explode’. No pun intended. And, usually in cases like that, everything will come flowing out. It’s not the best of coping mechanisms, but it does allow him the ability to cry openly and have relief from doing so afterwards. 

JEALOUSY ISN’T HIS THING ;;

This might be a bit controversial, but I genuinely feel that he isn’t one to get jealous. Unless you’ve given him a reason to doubt his trust, whether in you or himself, then sure enough, he might be questioning your motives.

Adding on to this, mind games aren’t his thing whatsoever. Say what you mean. If something is wrong, or he’s doing something wrong, tell him so you can both work through it together. Of course, some couples live off the thrill of occasionally making each other jealous - but, I feel with Katsuki, he views it as immature.

If he is into you, and pursuing you; he will be direct and clear about it, especially if he’s aware and on the same page that you are reciprocating those feelings back. When it comes to love and relationships, it’s either a yes or no. No inbetween. He doesn’t do things half-hearted.

HE WILL CALL YOU OUT ;;

Some people definitely struggle with saying ‘no’ or in general, approaching something that someone else may be doing, and making them uncomfortable - with Katsuki, he’d definitely be the type of person to call you out on behaviour that isn’t healthy - of course, not publically, (in the circumstance that you were friends, or in a relationship) out of respect for both him and yourself.

Growth is a thing. And, it’s very important. This isn’t to say he’d change the way you are, but it would be based around knowing to change yourself for the better of you - to be the best version of yourself, as well as being content with who you are. You aren’t here to please others, you are here to please yourself; and I feel he’d definitely be someone to encourage you to live by your own standards.

Everyone might need ‘improving’ at some point, but it’s in a healthy way. He might be brash, and blunt, but I feel he’s one to lean more into more gentle loving, rather than tough love. Everyone is different; and this mindset evolves as he grows older.

[messinwitheddie]

Dipper "Thank you for your time, Nny and for not trying to brutally murder any of us. I'm sure it was tempting."

Nny "It took every last shred of willpower I have. Nothing personal. You're ok as...people go. I just hate people-- in general. I know I shouldn't and I'm a terrible person for it, but-."

Dipper "All good, I do too. I mean, I hate being around people. Er, well, not even so much that, I just...I'm just awkward around people."

Nny "Yeah."

Dipper "Speaking of which, sorry for... how horribly everything went tonight. And uh, I'm so sorry about Grunkle Stan too. We're used to him and all his... Stan-ness, but-."

Nny "You don't have to keep apologizing for him. As excruciating as this whole experience was for me, I'm glad I went along with it. It was nice reconnecting... sort of. Stan was--is the WORST and I hate him, but, he's also the best and I don't. Never tell him I said that."

Dipper "I won't. "

Nny "When he told me why he was taking off I thought he was just messing with me or making fun of me like he always did. Then when he actually disappeared for Oregon I was so angry and hurt, I completely blocked him out of my mind for YEARS. Oh well. I highly doubt things would have ended better for me had he stayed or had I left with him. Still.... Guess the good memories are the most painful sometimes."

Dipper "I really REALLY wish he hadn't crashed our seance, but I'm glad I got to talk to him again. We really miss that crotchety old sociopath."

Nny "I did too. Don't EVER tell him I said that either."

Dipper "I know your time in this plane is almost up, so again, thank you for agreeing to this interview."

Nny "To be very clear, I DID NOT agree to be interviewd. This was a favor for Squ-- Todd. I didn't appreciate being summoned especially in the middle of summer. I didn't appreciate stumbling into a half dozen strangers setting up two studios and a small lab's worth of equipment in my living room. I didn't appreciate Todd putting me on the spot. I DID NOT enjoy a single moment of this."

Dipper "I know; you mentioned this many times tonight."

Nny "Ok then, so you understand there will be no follow up interview for any reason whatsoever. Don't summon me again unless it is of DIRE importance. At least never here again. My old house depresses me. Do you understand?"

Dipper "Yes. I'm deeply sorry for any intrusion and I promise we will NEVER disturb you again."

Nny "This is an extremely unlikely scenario because once we're "dead" again I plan to ditch him in a black hole or something at some point, but... if you ever summon Stan on Halloween or Summerween or whatever and I'm within range, could you extend the invite? I wouldn't mind a tour of the Mystery Shack."

Dipper "Really?"

Nny "Yeah, at least one visit to settle my curiosity. If it's half the fever dream nightmare-scape the Mystery Hut was, it will be worth all the painstaking social interaction. That, and it's a relief to see Todd surrounded by friends and family worth having. He always deserved better company than me."

Dipper "Oh DUDE, we're definitely dragging you through a tour on Halloween!"

Nny "Sshshshshshhh! Don't announce it to everyone. Come on."

Dipper "My bad. You're going to have a BLAST, Nny. We'll try to keep the guest list short for you."

Nny "Thank you."

Dipper "So um, do you have any questions for us or me before you go?"

Nny "... *sighs* OK. I'll bite. Why do they call you "Dipper", Dipper?"

Dipper *brushes back his hair, exposing birthmark*

Nny "Whu-? OHhhhh... Neat! I was expecting to hear some stupid frat boyish sex joke."

For context: Dialogue to an 18-years-later au flashback where a 21-year-old Squee supervises a 17-year-old Dib and Dipper's first ghost hunting team up.

Maybe if I spew out enough small scenes from my head I can make a coherent story out if this.

[valkblue]

An OC: Zak ; And a not OC: Aragorn

Oooh thank you for these!!!!

For Aragorn — (I'll stick to movie!Aragorn for this one, because I really like Viggo's interpretation. He's perfect in the role, in my opinion. And also, movie!Aragorn is really not that far from book!Aragorn.)

My favorite line

I have a lot I like very much but, to answer this question, it'd be a tie between "U-chebin estel anim" (I keep no hope for myself) to Elrond and "What says you?!" while crossing the Paths of the Dead. For the first, in the book, it's Gilraen (Aragorn's mother) who says this line, and in the movie they gave it to Aragorn in response to Elrond (saying the first part of Gilraen's OG quote). And even though I think it's more impactful from Gilraen (for various deep lore reasons), I also like what it says about Aragorn in the movie; throughout all the trilogy (and the books too!), he's pushing people towards hope, to regain it or just not loose it, to keep fighting and be strong, that there is always hope! He is always encouraging and inspiring people around but fears the worst from himself because like he said, Isildur's blood courses through his veins, the same weakness… and he fears that he will be no better than his ancestors in face of the same evils, and that he'll inevitably be a terrible king for it.

And the second would be almost for the same reasons; he still doubt himself, but he's resolute, he accepted the role he has to play in those terrible events, to stop Sauron and the rising of evil. And to be king of Men, should he survive.

Also, this scene is super badass and the specter's laugh at Aragorn's despair equally creepy and efficient...!! 😱💖

My favorite moment

Honestly, I really like the scene in which we see him for the first time; that gaze in the dark (with ominous voiceover) and how he grabs Frodo and takes him to 'safety' in another room after the incident with the Ring.

My favorite strength

He's humble. Truly humble. He has no problem trusting a Hobbit with the Fate of all life in his tiny pocket because he trusts Gandalf's judgement about him and his quest, and later on, he can say for himself that it wasn't unwaranted. He accepts criticism and even insults, and draw something to better himself out of it. Nothing is wasted on him; no comment, no opinion given, no time, no resources, no effort, no trust, not even hope!

My favorite weakness

He doubts, a lot. But in a good kind of way! The kind that makes him reconsider anything from strategies to 'simple' decisions, the kind that makes him rely on his allies' abilities and knowledge… and that makes him a good king.

My favorite personal headcanon

He would have wanted to try some of that salted pork from Saruman's pantry too… 👀

For Zak —

My favorite line

"The Law!!" 😱… because he's very lawful, sort of. He had so much trouble with the Law that he's wary of it now. He desperately tried to stay out of trouble but trouble keeps on finding him anyway, it seems.

My favorite moment

That time he fought alongside Sara, and she unleashed her fire elemental. When she looked cornered and about to be killed, he jumped from the roof of the stables to rush and save her. He failed miserably… but she didn't need saving at the moment. After that terrible battle when she was left alone to fight her own mind however… 😔 So he helped her the best he could.

My favorite strength

Trustworthy. Anything you say to him is kept secret forever, and you can ask him for almost everything… even messing with the Law a little!! 😱

My favorite weakness

He has no poker face whatsoever. He's an open book and in his secondary line of work (a.k.a messing with the Law!!!) , it's an almost unforgivable weakness.

My favorite personal headcanon

He makes up lyrics to go along with Sara's music in his head. 👀💕

[gatekeeperwatchman]

Is What’s Good for Business Good for the Country?

Charles Wilson, Secretary of Defense under President Dwight Eisenhower (1953–1957), was quoted has having said during his confirmation hearings before the Senate Armed Services Committee, “because for years I thought what was good for our country was good for General Motors and vice versa”. Although he was talking about General Motors then, translated, his saying might be interpreted to mean “what is good for our country is good for business and vice versa”. That was too many years ago to argue about it now; but, whether or not the statement was true then, it certainly is not true now. What is good for business today is not always proving to be good for our country. In the beginning, when men began to trade with one another, business evolved from the simplest of their transactions, created by man to facilitate his pursuit of a better life–to provide man with product or service, to fulfill his needs. That was the primary focus and priority of a business–its purpose was to serve man.

 Today, everything has changed. Business has changed its purpose. Its purpose now has become the maximization of profit. Oh! I know. I’ll get all kinds of argument on what I have said. But if you will think deeply, with an open mind, about the distinction between profit and service, I think you will agree with me. There is no doubt whatsoever that profit is an absolute necessity for a business to survive, but it still is not the purpose of a business. Business exists to fill a need for man. Without a need, there will be no business. There will be no profit. The demand to fulfill ones needs is the real driver of a business, justifying its existence. This is true of any business.

Profit is an expense. It is an expense just like the rent, taxes, the utility bill, and so on. Profit, if any remains after all other expenses of the business are paid, is the expense of capital–in a manner of speaking, it is the rent paid to the investor for the use of his money and the risk he is taking in investing in the business.

This may seem to be just a play on words, but the distinction between a business’s purpose (priority and/or focus) being directed toward maximizing profit rather than fulfilling a need is major and critical. Think about it. If your main focus and priority is only money, your customers, vendors, and employees will come in last. So, also, will your country. Your only loyalty will be the attainment of profit. Do you want examples? Let me show you.

It’s my understanding that the average person lives to an age of seventy-eight years. I submit to you that in the last seventy-eight years, we who have lived those years have experienced the highest standard of living, on average, of any generation in the history of civilization (I, also, submit to you that, arguably, for the foreseeable future in this country, no generation will enjoy such a high standard of living again. Just look at where we are now. We’ll see.). In conjunction with this, the rich and powerful among us have prospered even more.

As I speak next, my mind is focused primarily on the large and powerful corporations in our nation–those which use to serve us and have now come to dominate us. In my lifetime, there has always been conflict of priorities within business between the pursuit of profits on the one hand and fulfilling customer needs on the other. Naturally, it is in the interest of a business to earn as much reasonable profit as it is able. Investors want that. In the last thirty plus years, however, it seems that fulfilling customer needs, loyalty and concern for employees, loyalty to our country–caring about anything other than the maximization of profits has taken a back seat. Under the guise of globalization, business has outsourced labor overseas to other countries (effectively resorting to slave labor–Uncle Tom’s Cabin has nothing on those poor people) in order to achieve increased profits. It is obvious that the massive layoffs in the past years, beginning before the financial collapse of 2008, have been much greater than major layoffs effected in prior years as average workloads have been increased and workweeks have been shortened. The utilization of robots in manufacturing has literally exploded with little or no regard for the displaced or unemployed.

There is another even worse aspect to this–the apparent complete disregard of business for our home country. From my viewpoint, American business, in their grasping for ever increasing profits, have completely abandoned any loyalty to our homeland. They evade (illegal) and/or avoid (legal) taxes every way they can, depriving our country of much needed revenues–especially in these trying times. Their money is “parked” in banks and locations outside the country, unavailable for investment within or, in some instances, the application of taxes. Also, I said above that they have come to dominate us. It is these powerful companies that are part and parcel of our Shadow Government, the power elite, about which I have written in other postings to this blog. Exercising their power through their lobbyists (there are thousands of them–more than our total Congress combined) they control our political campaigns, our Congress, our President, our laws, our news media, our country, bleeding our people dry. You don’t believe me? Study the new health care law, aka Obama Care. Read the book, Hijacked, by Dr. John Geyman, M.D. Also, I suggest you read Who Rules America?- Power and Politics, by G. William Domhoff. In addition, consider the severe redistribution of income in our nation from the poor and middle class to the rich during the past approximately forty years. Of course there are exceptions to what I have said, perhaps many, in this country of millions of people and businesses; but, as a whole, that’s where we are folks–at least, that’s the way I see it.

What do you think?

From: Steven P. Miller CEO/ Founder of Gatekeeper-Watchman International Groups Jacksonville, Florida., Duval County, USA. @ParkermillerQ, @GatekeeperWatchman1,

GWIG, #GWIN, #GWINGO, #Ephraim1, #IAM, #Sparkermiller

[ask-dgs-221bbakerstreet]

Balmung sets his book down. “Klimt taught me how to read. We didn’t have much to do as ghosts so when he realized I could talk and gained human like intelligence he took it up upon himself to teach me.”

He pauses. “I know a lot about Klimt’s mental state.” He looks away from Barok as if a squirrel ran by and caught his attention. “He’s traumatized. I’m sure you know that. Klimt has a few problems. One he’s scared of being alone.

"As ghosts we hardly had any other company, for the most part it was just us. When I died…” Balmung shudders. “I was alone and scared and I wanted someone to comfort me. I found Klimt attending his own funeral. I can’t even begin to describe how happy we were to see each other.

"At his funeral he was an emotional wreck. I’ve never seen a person so distraught before. And I doubt I’ll ever see anything like it. He kept sobbing saying about how happy he was that he wasn’t alone. I was so happy to see him too, after days of wondering alone trying to find someone to comfort me.

"As a dog I couldn’t fully understand that I was dead at the time. Klimt managed to explain and help me through the process. And ever since that day we’ve been by each other’s side. We saved each other. We both still fear abandonment to this day though. And he fears being isolated again like those first few months of him being a ghost on his own. You also need to be aware that Klimt never wished to become a ghost.

"He wanted to die Barok. He wanted to die and move on from this world, to Rest In Peace. I think he’s gotten over wishing to be dead now that he has his family back and now that he can ‘live again.’ He seems even happy to be a ghost now. He told me a few days ago that being a ghost is ‘freeing’. That he doesn’t need to be ‘perfect’ anymore. And I want to make it clear that the use of ‘perfect’ doesn’t mean that Klimt wats to commit crimes. Believe me his days of crime are over.

"Two I’m not entirely sure if Klimt fully believes he deserves happiness after everything he’s done. Though I think he’s starting to get better at accepting love and realizing he’s been forgiven. It doesn’t seem to be as bad as it was before. And lastly, the other thing that could be bothering him is his partial amnesia. Klimt is so traumatized that his conscious has started to block memories that are to painful for him. I mentioned earlier that I Klimt sobbing to death at his own funeral, but Klimt has no memory of that event whatsoever.

"This isn’t the only instance of Klimt forgetting things. It runs very deep. There have been others. He doesn’t remember the Professor killings at all. All he knows is that he committed the acts and that Stronghart extorted him into killing three people. And his childhood memories. I don’t think he has any memories of his childhood or if he does there’s only a few of them. The reason I think this is because Klimt can’t remember his parents.

"At all. He said they were always away but that wasn’t true. I was just a puppy but I still remember his parents very well. I’m not sure if he truly believes that his parents were always away or if he said that to try to hide the fact that he’s forgotten them. I know he was traumatized by his parents death and the fact that he had to raise you at such a young age. It was much more painful for him that you know, so much so that his mind had to block it all out for him to function.

“I’m not sure how aware Klimt is of his memory loss. He has mentioned to me at times that he’s forgotten some things, but he’s not aware of how deep it truly runs. I’m sure on some subconscious level he fears he’ll one day forget everything.

“Klimt is also afraid of you dying and being stuck as ghosts unable to interact with anyone else if he and the other ghosts move on. He wants to move on with you once you die so you don’t have to suffer the same way he suffered. And that’s everything.” Balmung says.

---

...would it be tactless to say that I'm not... particularly surprised?

It's no wonder he's so damaged. After everything he's been through... anyone would be.

So he's suffering from amnesia. I may have been young, but I can say for certain our parents weren't so absent.

He needs help.

...and he won't accept it from me, will he? I'm too close. I'm still his little brother, no matter how old the two of us are.

He should at least tell me these things. What if he forgets Laura? What if he forgets me? What is he planning to do then?!

Argh... thank you, Balmung. You've been a great help. Now if only I knew what to do with this information...

[reginrokkr]

ecleips asked: “  i’m all yours.  not going anywhere.  ”

There was once upon a time when Dáinsleif eavesdropped a conversation in Inazuma between a distressed young boy whom desired that his puerile wishes came true and a woman imparting him an eye-opening wisdom that strays light years from being untrue: Humankind moves the world. Notwithstanding how strong gods may be, ultimately the development of the society depends on the people. Little can the gods do to predict mankind’s behavior when they cannot understand it themselves for simple reasons: as different beings, their needs are bound to differ. Passing centuries and the acquired omniscience have been a harsh reminder that not even Dáinsleif himself is a human, for his roots are of those whom he repudiates yet his understanding and empathy is much vaster than the darkest seas.

Despite not being one in his origins, Dáinsleif was always the most human of them all in the Heavens.

And yet it does not suffice to understand Kaeya’s unpredictable nature whatsoever. He may comprehend the source of his sorrow, his grief and his rage as if they were his own, but not when he ventures in no man’s lands where he cannot reach. That playful smirk that makes its way to his features or the glee in his eyes that awaits a much desired amusement he knows he will find in Dáinsleif’s lack of comprehension go over the Celestial’s head. Instead, he finds a hyperfixation in three words he had never imagined they would be addressed to him.

I’m all yours.

Icy sapphires soften in solemnity as his mind reproduces those three words one time after another until they finally sink in. All this time, Dáinsleif was but a man whom reduced his worth to ashes. One that deserved naught as a means to receive a punishment —which unbeknownst to him, no one would ever desire for him— to amend for a plethora of sins that only exist in his distorted mind. Are you aware of the weight those words carry? He wants to ask, yet even the weary Twilight Sword of old could come to terms with a reality that this little incident provoked:

That archaic chivalry he once promised to offer in his stay in Mondstadt just shattered. If there were any remnants of a doubt about his knighthood duty towards the Khaenri’ahn prince, this decimated them completely.

Why would you desire such a thing for yourself even knowing everything that is hideous about me? Without realizing so, a sentiment Dáinsleif never experimented before springs within the confines of his chest. A more greedy one that he would be too scared were he find out that is what he feels, one of power. All in all, a human feeling regardless. Thus as he would with anything that could be considered his own does the heavenly prince reach out his left hand to cup the side of his face. Cyan irises look into Kaeya’s with as much adoration as he has for this world, with as much love he harbors for humankind as he does despite not being cognizant himself of such obviousness.

If you are to be mine, then allow me just this once—

Slowly, his hand slides to rest on the back of the man’s neck as he coaxes his body closer to his own in a gentle embrace. Dáinsleif’s cheek presses against Kaeya’s shoulder whilst his free arm coils around his waist to secure the hug, broad shoulders rise and fall in synchrony with a deep breath as pale eyelids flutter close. ❝You said you are mine.❞ He whispers, still mindful to offer a brief explanation to justify his demeanor despite being lost in a sea of feelings hard to explain via logic— for there is none. The realization of such truth makes him feel almost embarrassment given how foolish this is, which he attempts to conceal in a subtle manner by burying his nose onto the union of his shoulder and neck.  ❝…Then, allow me this one moment if you may.❞

[dal22nd]

no rlly, to my twin? soulmate? enemy?

hi baby!!! did ya miss me!!!

yeah, look... i bet ur ass watched the video below first out of curiosity (or not?) but hey!!! i'll try keep it brief and short like a sbar for u, bbg...

i just thought i'd kinda crossover with a tumblr blog, yanno... since we don't rlly aff anymore and so all i could do is fucking make a tumblr blog abruptly to compensate for how stupid i was last year for fucking up ur birthday when U literally make it in time every SINGLE time??? bro... i... am still dwelling over that...

but...

happy 22nd birthday, dalena!!! <3333 ur finally old, like actually old??? and knowing u, i bet ur extremely excited for the new events and challenges to find u, like i bet ur ass is about to explode in excitement like yeah!!! come at me, 22!!! u piece of shit!!! i'm gonna be rich at the age of 22!!@@@@@@!! ok, but in all seriousness, we're spending ur second birthday together!!! <: i'm so glad we made it so far, but i'm also dumbfounded yet pleasantly surprised at how it's ONLY been two years??? it feels like more, but looking back at the memories we made makes it feels like it's too less??? if that makes sense??? replaying our old videos and reminiscing our old photos made me realise how much more i'd love to stick by u and do more dumb yet cute things together??? i want to explore parts of the world with u with laughs and giggles like we always do, and even go on dates with our future boyfies together one day... like there's just so much to accomplish and left to do with u, and i'm so honoured and happy to have somebody to do everything with!!! i think i'm incredibly lucky to just have u come across my mind immediately when i think of wanting to do things, because i know so many people who lack that particular person in their lives,,, sure, it can be their significant other or a member of their family but truly, i believe that a friendship like ours is quite rare and special?? if i could flex something of mine, u would literally be the first thing (yeah, thing) without a doubt,,, <3

i've always shielded myself from judgement by feigning nonchalance most times (as u would know.. or gaslight..) and never really disclosed details about myself or inner feelings to anyone out there, which includes my family, but towards u???? i feel exposed at times to the point it makes me trip over me and my own deep thoughts; but i've always concluded that it's never actually a bad feeling, it's more so a foreign feeling... i would've never chose to do this alone, but it's because u!!! are the person who drew me out to be more true about myself!!! u hold the capability of doing so because you've grown up that way, u observe carefully and ask what's right and know what's right---you're intelligent, u read people and ur confident about urself, hence why ur able to do such magical things---like sure, i don't hold any power to stamp and validate the fact that this is the exact reason why u are the definition of perfection, etcetera, but i strongly think that's the essence to why i'm unknowingly happy to open up towards u, and i'm sure it's not just me who feels this way anyway?? i exaggerate it all the time, but i'm never too fancy with words irl nor am i as expressive irl, i just fucking cry like a mf pussy and call it a day since i'm poor at mustering and conveying my thoughts as whole when i'm put into the situation... idk if anything i said makes sense, but whenever i'm facing an opportunity to be more truthful towards u, that's the first thing i always want to mention (man.. ur gonna see how many times i'm repeating this shit after seeing smth else later..)

also, not to mention, ur so god damn giving??? is that a fucking word??? generous??? yeah??? humble??? u never fail to amaze me when ur acting upon smth, ur always taking a step ahead of others and never doing anything that makes u look petty whatsoever?? u take initiative and demonstrate what a good deed is, and sometimes i can't help but to feel little when u live up to doing something so generous and nice,,, i think abt how i should repay u and also how i can thank u except ur always going ???wtf u gay ass cockroach??? but really, i never stopped thinking this ever since i met u cus like... who tf buys a total stranger (who could literally be a fucking murderer in disguise) a hoodie, two albums and food at first encounter??? like i tell u now, if i can tell my child about my most shocked moments in life, that'd have to be one... i know u always make urself up to be not the kindest person, but to me ur literally top notch when it comes to consideration and kindness---like how ur always taking a step forward to take care of me in all situations, giving me a listening ear at all times, making sure i'm always safe, accompanying me to places, driving me back home, agreeing to any idea i have and being happy for anything i achieve---you're a bundle of positive energy anyone would love, it's just that the only problem is that no one truly deserves you unless they're fucking godly or smth... (inner thought: am i god?) see.. like ur so fucking nice to the point i occasionally think,,, are we rlly that similar or is she just fucking matching up w me to make it look like we're similar cus she's just that fucking nice??? LIKE GAWD.... i mean... i hope it's not that...

ok, jfc, i feel like i'm actually going to babble all day long so i need to pack my shit up and realise this day isn't going on for the rest of the year... to sum everything up tho, i really really really appreciate you, dalena!!! like so much, and i cherish u a whole lot more than anyone---i can't imagine how boring life would be without u now, and ur literally my ride to die atp... i apologise in advance for thinking of u so highly cus now i feel like u might be like GAWD... there's a fucking parasite on me... how do i cut ties... but yeah, now i need to fucking find a man that's as compatible to me like u are which is gonna be a whole fucking challenge, huh :)))) </3 but REALLY REALLY, i'm not the ***best*** friend nor am i as considerate as u, but i hope i' haven't been too fucking dumb and immature i'm bearable to have around on days u feel like u just want a friend to hang with, hehe... T_T <333 i love love love u, ma angel...

from... ur dad (aru)

[thechekhov]

Hi! I saw on a post that you're agender and I'm kinda questioning my gender (again) but what interested me more about that post was that you said you believe that gender is a social construct and I'm not really familiar with that theory. I was wondering if you could explain to me what the whole idea is? (bc I kinda only feel like a have a gender in social situations? In my head, my dreams and how I picture myself in the future, I'm genderless idjskahwksjejensj) Sorry for bothering you if I did.

This is a BIG topic and it opens a LOT of wormholes. 

We’re gonna do this in pie slice statements that will hopefully help explain what I mean. Please keep in mind I’m going to simplify many things for the sake of readability.

1) What is a social construct? 

Social constructs are ideas that are negotiated by social groups. Something being a social construct does not make it ‘not real’. 

For example, money is a social construct. Yes, we have cash - coins, credit cards - but these are physical props that are REPRESENTATIVE of the idea of currency. You have some form of credit to your name - the money is a socially agreed-upon idea of value being represented by bills in your hand, by numbers in your bank account. 

[Description: Two humanoid figures are standing side by side. The right-side figure is holding a rock in its hand. 

Right side figure: Let’s agree that this shiny rock is worth 2 sheep.

Left side figure: Sounds fake but ok.]

Technically, countries are also social constructs. We, as a society, negotiate what a country is, and this can be changed.

[Description: Two figures are standing on either side of a dotted line drawn on the ground. The left figure is pointing down at it while the right figure watches, its arms crossed.

Left figure: Let’s pretend that everything on this side of the imaginary line is mine.

Right figure: ...ok but my house is over there.

Left figure: ... for 3 shiny rocks you can come visit.]

Does that mean canada isn’t real? No. (I mean, obviously canada ISN’T real, but we all agree to pretend it is.) The thing that makes it real is that we are in agreement, and all follow the social rules of pretend to make it seem like the Canadian border, the idea of Canadian citizenship, etc... is an objective fact. (It’s not. These are in fact, negotiable limits and parameters. We have laws in place to define it in legal terms, but those laws can be changed, or may change in the minds of communities. That’s why it’s a construct.)

By that same token, I hold the view that gender, as we largely perceive it in modern society, is a construct. Why? Because it is not inherent; we, as a society, negotiate its meaning. 

2) What is gender? 

People will probably fight me on this and that’s fine, but here’s my (simplified) understanding of gender (from someone who personally has none)

Gender is a social category negotiated by cultures based on your assigned or desired role in your community that influences, among many other things, your physical appearance, your role in family units, your expected position in jobs, etc. 

How I think it happened:

[Description: Two figures are standing on either side of the panel, both holding children-looking figures. The one on the left is wearing purple. The one on the right is wearing green.

Green figure: Hey, I’ve got an idea. What if we separate the babies into two groups based on physical traits they have no control over?

Purple figure: Wh-- okay...?

Green figure: And then limit the jobs they can do and the community ritual involvement available to them based on that!

Purple figure: ... I feel like this is going to backfire on us someday.

Green figure: Nah, it’ll be fine.

The past panel is a dramatic closeup on the purple figure’s face - which is featureless - betraying a deeply doubtful emotion. It says nothing.]

Important points to remember: what gender looks like, what the limits are, what the expectations are... are not inherent to any human biology. We make up gender roles. This is evident in the fact that across the world, gender roles differ by culture. The positions people of a certain gender are allowed to take up are different. What is perceived to be ‘girly’ or ‘boyish’ is different across cultures. 

Simply speaking - currently the (western) model we have, dumbed down, is:

You are assigned male at birth because of physical characteristics

You are raised being told to ‘toughen up’ and ‘boys don’t cry’ and encouraged not to show emotions

You are taught to wear male-coded clothes and discouraged from female-coded fashion choices

You are given more opportunities to participate in sports, encouraged to engage in physical activity, etc

You are not expected to need time off for child-rearing 

Here’s where gender as it works in society breaks down into being not a real thing but instead something we thought up: 

Nothing about having a penis necessitates wearing pants. Nothing about having XY chromosomes means you need to keep your hair short. Nothing about your genome makes the experience of nail-polish different for any human being. 

All of these are arbitrary traits we decided were allowed or not allowed to a specific group of people based on entirely unrelated physiology. 

Even if we delve deeper, there is MORE variation among individuals of the same ‘sex’ than there are, on average, of members of the ‘opposite sex’ when compared to each other. 

Many people use the excuse ‘women are physically not as strong as men’ to say that this has an evolutionary aspect driving these cultural, historical, socially-constructed gender requirements. 

But if there was a physical reasoning behind the culturally-set gender-limited job expectations, then we actually WOULDN’T need a traditional binary gender system to sort ourselves into categories. It would simply be decided as a meritocracy - stronger individuals, regardless of gender, would be given physically-demanding jobs. (Also we know that many jobs thought to be ‘traditionally male’ are just the result of sexist bullshit, so this reasoning doesn’t fly any further than I can throw it which is, coincidentally, not very far. Politics is one such area. Doctors are another. We can go on but I think you get my drift.)

My own example of this is an anecdote when my grandparents came to visit my partner and I in Japan. While we were driving down to Tokyo, my grandmother - who has a PhD in entomology - began to say that driving is a masculine activity and women shouldn’t be driving as it was ‘un-woman-like’. My partner almost immediately fired back that in Japan, studying insects or having any interest in them whatsoever was considered a heavily masculine-coded activity. In Russia, there is no such assignment, and my grandmother was left silently blinking in confusion, unable to come up with any excuse except ‘well, all cultures are different, I suppose...’

Do either of these things inherently have a gendered aspect? Of course not! But we assign gendered ideals to them anyway.

3) If gender is made up and constructed by society, then does that mean trans people aren’t real?

No.

Even if you agree that gender is a social construct, trans people are still real. TERFs don’t get a pass. Why? 

Because gender - as a social construct - still affects our everyday lives, dictates our social position in our community. Transitioning is still a thing that has to happen. The fact that you are NOT easily able to decide your own gender and are ostracized for wanting to transition, abused for dressing the way you want to be perceived, and bullied for wanting people to refer to you with different pronouns - all those are the effects of a social construct that has very REAL impact on our lives.

This is also why I dislike defining trans-ness by dysphoria. Because transgender people are not only their suffering - the suffering is coming from the outside!! Many trans people remember not being concerned about their gender identity in their childhood, because they did not yet perceive the world as being hostile to their desire to fulfil a specific role in society. The issues and self-hatred and dysphoria begins when they express wanting to be themselves - a life which they are forbidden from pursuing based on physical characteristics they were born with.

Does this mean we should try to remove gender from society? If we constructed it, we can deconstruct it, right?

Realistically, I highly doubt this is possible. Gender is so ingrained in our daily lives that it would be difficult. Nor, I would say, would it be necessary to achieve world peace. 

Having social groups - having gender - isn’t inherently a bad thing. The bad thing is when we limit those social groups to specific basic human rights, like voting, or when we forbid them from transitioning from one to another based on things that are out of their control. 

Also, I’m not saying genitals and secondary sexual characteristics aren’t real. Please don’t bother sending me that angry message, I’ll ignore it, I promise. 

But the concept of gender IS something we thought up and maintain and negotiate with each other to this very day. It’s not granted to us by a higher power, nor is it a constant, unchanging thing. It’s a part of the human experience and like everything, it has the potential to evolve - as a concept in our communal memory, as well as on an individual level, for people who feel they want to be perceived differently. 

Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk!

[robininthelabyrinth]

anything with jin zixuan marrying into the jiang sect, instead of jiang yanli marrying out?

ao3

It wasn’t that Jin Zixuan didn’t love his mother – he did, he truly did. He loved her, he supported her, he stood by her side in every argument. He would do anything within his power to help her get everything that she wanted.

It was only that he took a very reasonable look at the circumstances and realized he couldn’t. He couldn’t get her the one thing she’d always counted for.

He couldn’t win the right of succession to be Sect Leader Jin.

Maybe if his mother had managed to stop his father from bringing home all his bastards – there were nineteen of them, all together, and those were just the ones that were willing to admit it so who even knew – he might’ve had a better chance, given that he was after all the sole legitimate son. But legitimacy only took you so far: he was neither the oldest of the children, nor the most capable, nor the most cunning. He wasn’t even the best connected, despite his maternal family’s support; that honor went to another one of his siblings, born to an especially well-connected family through unspecified circumstances that might or might not involve rape but which sufficient money had plastered over.

The only thing Jin Zixuan had going for him was his legitimacy, but his father had long ago taught him - however inadvertently - that there wasn’t anything magical about a wedding ceremony that made him better suited to the role of sect leader.

What’s more, in his heart of hearts, Jin Zixuan didn’t even want it.

He wasn’t – he didn’t really like fighting. Or politics, or scheming, or any of it. It just wasn’t his personality. He didn’t like games of influence, he didn’t like backstabbing people that trusted him, he didn’t like gossiping and slandering and not being able to believe in people’s good faith and any of that, and no matter how much his mom pushed him, he didn’t think he’d ever like it. 

But that was what Lanling Jin did, what Jilin Tower was like, and if he wanted to take up the Sect Leader’s seat and reside in the Fragrant Palace, he had to get over himself and accept that that’s what the rest of his life would be like.

Forever.

Until someone murdered him and took his place, anyway. It almost felt inevitable, sometimes. 

Or, because he really truly didn’t want the job, because he really truly didn’t want to die, he could try to think of something else. Some way out.

For example, he could, and did, go to Jin Ziyao and ask him for help.

Jin Ziyao stared at him, eyes narrow and calculating as they so rarely were – he was very good at keeping a bland polite smile on his face, the best at it of all the people Jin Zixuan had ever met, and he’d met a lot. 

“That’s an interesting thing to say, brother,” he said, gently eliding as always the fact that they were the same age, born on the same day to different mothers. “Very interesting indeed. I must ask, though - why are you saying it to me?”

“Because you’d be the best at the job,” Jin Zixuan said honestly. He really thought so: Jin Ziyao was smart and clever, cunning enough to wear a kind face and tricky enough to actually pull off the impression of actually being kind, since people were more willing to forgive kind people, but also ambitious and ruthless enough to survive and maybe even thrive in the political world the way Jin Zixuan wasn’t. “And because you’re smart enough to come up with a way for me to get out of this without dying, if you wanted to.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere. Why would I want to?”

And that was the rub, wasn’t it? Jin Zixuan was the legitimate son, the rightful heir, and his father, their father, was just as likely to name Jin Zixuan as the next sect leader no matter how unfit for the role he was on nothing more than that basis as he was to name anyone else with a much stronger claim. 

It was in everyone else’s best interest to kill him, if they were ambitious.

Maybe not his sisters. They wouldn’t inherit no matter what happened to him.

(Sometimes Jin Zixuan wished he was lucky enough to be born a nobody, little Jin Ziyu, who just wanted to play with make-up and avoid all contact with his maternal Mo family. Nobody cared about Jin Ziyu, and everyone liked it that way.)

“You know my position,” Jin Zixuan explained. He didn’t need to say it out loud; he was bitterly aware that it was basically his only personality trait: legitimate heir of Jin Guangshan, the rich boy everyone thought would be the next sect leader unless someone else got in the way. “My support could be worth something to you.”

“Especially if it’s sincere,” Jin Ziyao murmured, looking thoughtful, contemplative. It wasn’t an outright no, anyway, or at least not yet. “And you would be sincere, wouldn’t you?”

“There’s a reason I said that I’m not fit for the role,” Jin Zixuan replied, his voice dry to hide the fact that his heart was in his throat. Jin Ziyao was the one most likely to succeed in finding a way to get him out of this mess, but he was also the most likely to figure out a way to kill him without being blamed for it, too.  There was a reason he’d come to him, but that reason was the danger - who was to say that Jin Ziyao wouldn’t decide it’d be safer to kill him, and to use this to accomplish it? He could be signing his own death warrant. “And even if you’re smart, competent, good at managing things, well-connected, and well-liked, you can still use my help.”

Jin Ziyao had only a single fault: his mother had been a prostitute. People still judged him for that, something which made no sense to Jin Zixuan whatsoever – it wasn’t Jin Ziyao’s fault what his mother did before he was born – but it meant he lacked legitimacy even more than the others. 

Having the legitimate son backing his claim would be a strong argument in favor of overlooking that.

“You know your mother won’t like it,” Jin Ziyao said. Testing, probing; he hadn’t agreed yet.

“I know,” Jin Zixuan said simply. “But I hope that she’d like me being dead less.”

He wasn’t actually sure about that. His mother loved him, yes, but he had never entirely determined if she loved him for himself or as an extension of herself – a symbol of what she would be fighting towards. A sign that her struggles with her husband had a purpose, that all her humiliation would one day be worth it.

That one day, when he was sect leader, she would become the true power in Lanling through him. 

(Jin Zixuan didn’t know what she imagined would happen to all his illegitimate brothers and sisters in that situation, and he didn’t want to; it put a sick feeling in his gut to think about it – which he supposed meant he did know, after all, what she would want, but was instead choosing to ignore it.)

Jin Ziyao studied him for a long moment, presumably trying to analyze his sincerity and how firm he was on the idea. 

Jin Zixuan didn’t rush him, knowing it was a gamble on his side as well: it would be worse for him to help Jin Zixuan out of the line of succession only for Jin Zixuan to change his mind down the road. It would make him look bad, make him a target for the others, and the backstabbing nature of Lanling politics meant that luring someone in with a request for aid was exactly the sort of trap someone might lay out.

Sometimes, Jin Zixuan was really, really tired of Lanling.

Maybe something of that showed on his face, because just when he was starting to lose hope, Jin Ziyao abruptly nodded – almost to himself – and said, “All right. How about your marriage?”

“What about my marriage?” Jin Zixuan asked, puzzled. 

He’d been engaged to his mother’s best friend’s daughter since before he was born, and amazingly enough the engagement had held despite everything – probably because they had barely met, to be perfectly honest. And also the fact that being surrounded by brothers that hid daggers in their smiles gave Jin Zixuan enough experience to realize that he was being deliberately incited when his so-called friends started telling him that he deserved better than a girl most often described simply as being nice.

After all, he’d already started doubting by that time that he even deserved the accident of his legitimate birth, so forget deserving any girl.

Also, being nice sounded…rather nice, actually. Certainly a relief, assuming she was actually nice rather than just pretending to be the way so many of his sisters were.

(None of them liked her, which suggested she might be.)

“You should get to know your intended better,” Jin Ziyao said. “Visit her more often.”

Jin Zixuan really wasn’t seeing the connection between that and his request for assistance, and Jin Ziyao’s gaze softened a little bit, though Jin Zixuan wasn’t sure if it was with sympathy or merely pity.

“It’ll make it easier for you,” he clarified. “For when you marry in.”

Marry in?

Marry in. The Jiang sect was a Great Sect, with enough power and influence to make unreasonable demands – and his father desperately wanted the alliance with them. If they could be convinced to demand that he marry in rather than having Jiang Yanli marry out, pointing to their smaller numbers or the tragedies that had befallen their sect…

Jiang Cheng would like having his sister around. He was also notoriously standoffish around women, and had viciously rejected any effort to be matched with one of the illegitimate Jin girls; it might even be possible to suggest to his father that allowing Jin Zixuan to marry in would mean that there was a chance that Jiang Cheng would be willing to leave his sect to a nephew surnamed Jiang, winning the Jin sect both an alliance and inheritance all at once.

Best of all, it had to be him. The Jiang sect had only agreed to the engagement because of Madame Yu’s friendship with his mother, not for any political reason; if his father tried to substitute him with someone else, they might break it entirely…

And someone who married out couldn’t be the heir.

“You’re a genius,” Jin Zixuan told his brother, who smiled crookedly in acknowledgement. “What should I do? Do I just – go over there? Send a letter? I can’t write letters…”

“Let me think about it,” Jin Ziyao said. “I’m sure I can come up with something more subtle than you.”

[indiee19]

The View From... The Top Bunk

Alex Turner x reader

Summary: You're on tour with the band and (Humbug!) Alex gets you alone on the bus while the rest of the band are out.

warnings: smut, cringey jokes from Matt, Nick, And Jamie.

word count: 3.2k

-This part was wrote by the co-writer and my best friend, Thea, so thank you @teddyarabellapicker. the fic is also up on her page, so be sure to check her out

A/n: sorry for not uploading in a few days, I've just been writing a new story inspired by the Everything You've Come To Expect album. Also, I'm making a tag list, so lmk if you want to be added to it. Enjoy.

✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑ ✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

The sound of the boys shuffling around the bus and chattering woke you up. You tried to nuzzle your head back into Alex's neck, but he wasn't there. You opened your eyes, seeing that Alex wasn't squeezed into the bunk with you. You groaned and forced yourself out of the bunk, eyes adjusting to the sudden ray of light that came through the windows.

You dug into yours and Alex's bag, grabbing one of his shirts and you walked to the bathroom, rubbing your eyes to try and help wake you up. Once you got there, you went in and brushed your hair and teeth, making yourself somewhat presentable, putting the shirt on over your bra that you slept in.

You used a hair tie on your wrist to tie it up so it didn't go past your shorts. You checked yourself in the mirror one last time and then walked out, turning off the light and walking to the small lounge at the back of the bus, seeing Alex and the rest of the band sitting on the sofa.

"Ahh, so the beast has awoken and come out of their cave," Matt said, eliciting a laugh from everyone.

"Fuck off, Matt," you said, still tired and half asleep. You walked over to Alex, sitting beside him and nuzzling your head into his neck, cuddling up to him and Alex wrapped his arms around you, holding you close, and lifted you chin so that he could kiss you. You could taste the last cigarette he had before you woke and you smelled his spicy cologne that you bought him for his birthday.

"Oh, no, we better leave before they start shagging," Jamie said, making a disgust face. You and Alex both held up your middle fingers at him, Nick and Matt laughing. Alex pulled away and you nuzzled back into Alex's neck, closing your eyes.

"You alright, princess?" Alex asked, kissing the top of your head.

"Yeah, just ... just a little tired," you said and yawned immediately after making Alex 'aww' in his head. You drifted off into your own world, not paying attention to anyone or what they were saying.

All you knew was that they were talking about what songs they would play on their set list for the gig later. You heard them say something about playing 'When the sun goes down,' 'Brianstorm,' and 'Teddy Picker' but that was about all you heard.

Thirty minutes went by and then the boys got up, including Alex, making you finally open your eyes when your head fell without his shoulder holding your head up.

"Where are you guys going?" you asked, sitting up completely.

"Oh, we're going to the sound check," Alex said, scratching the back of his neck. "Do you want to come?"

"Sure, just let me get properly dressed," you said and got up and went to yours and Alex's bag.

"Okay, we'll be outside, love,” Alex said, walking outside with the rest of the band.

You reached the part of the bus where your bag was, reaching in it, grabbing some denim shorts and a t-shirt, putting on some shoes and the you walked outside, walking up behind Alex and scaring him. Matt, Nick, and Jamie laughed, Alex on the other hand, did not.

"Not funny," he said.

"Oh, come on, pull the stick out of your ass, it was funny and you know it," you replied, kissing him, making him smile, no longer being slightly mad.

"Okay, you're right. It was funny, princess," he said quietly, wrapping an arm around you, pulling you closer to his side. "We ready to go?" Alex asked the band.

"Yeah, Al. Let me go get Mark," Matt said, quickly telling Mark to come on and Mark grabbed his camera. You all got in the car, just barley enough room for all six of you. You were in between Alex and Jamie, Alex's fingers intertwined with your own. Jamie glanced over to you two and jokingly rolled his eyes and scoffed.

"You two better not snog in front of me," he joked. You and Alex laughed and Alex gave you a quick peck on the lips. Jamie made an over exaggerated disgusted face when Alex peppered your face with kisses, your lips, cheeks and forehead and everyone else laughed.

Alex stopped kissing you and laid his head down on your shoulder. "I love you, princess," he whispered, placing a chaste kiss to your jaw. You rested your head on top of his and you both sat in silence as everyone else talked the entire way there.

Once the car came to a halt at the venue they were playing at, everyone got out, Alex's hands grabbing yours and intertwining his fingers with yours, always desperate to touch you, whether it was by holding hand or laying beside you, he always liked to have some sort of physical contact with you.

You all walked into the venue they were playing at and you sat backstage while they did their sound check. Every now and then during the sound check Alex would look at you and when he stopped singing, he would blow you a kiss.

Even though it was their sound check, they still sounded amazing. Mark was filming them, no doubt for another installment of 'The View From...' videos that Matt was quite fond of doing and were also very fun to film. You laughed when Alex walked over to Jamie and did what you would describe as 'guitar fucking' where Alex was standing over Jamie and played their guitars and made weird faces at each other.

You were kind of sad whenever the sound check ended but you were also happy that you could kiss Alex finally. As soon as he sat down his guitar, he kissed you, his slightly chapped lips moving against your own.

Matt tapped on Alex's shoulder. "Okay, lovebirds, that's enough," he said. You and Alex pulled apart.

"Just because you're sad and single doesn't mean that you have to project onto us, Matt," Alex laughed. You couldn't help but laugh as well, Nick and Jamie joining in.

The show didn't start for another four hours so you all decided to play some games - throw the lime down the corridor, cards, but mostly throw the lime down the corridor, that made the hours go by fast.

You hadn't realized how close the time was to when the show was supposed to begin, after a while of playing the game, Alex grabbed you and pulled you into his dressing room.

"Alex,"  you squealed. He pushed you against the wall and instantly started kissing you, his hands traveling up your body to fondle your breasts through the material of your shirt and bra.

"Alex, stop, you have to be on stage in a few minutes," you said, pushing him away. You immediately missed the feeling of his lips against yours, but you didn't want to be the reason that he wasn't on stage in time.

He sighed and stepped back, grabbing the clothes he was going to perform in, quickly changing all the while you were watching him. Once he finished changing he ran his fingers through his hair, styling it in the mirror. You were jealous of how incredibly good his hair always looked, jealous of how soft and shiny and smooth it was, and how it rarely ever got tangled. His hair was better than yours could ever be, but you didn't mind because he was perfect.

"Do I look good, love?" Alex asked when he noticed you starring at him, chuckling lightly.

"You always look good, Al," you replied, Alex blushed at your compliment, always being an adorable, shy boy.

"Al, come on. We have to go on stage!" Matt yelled from outside his dressing room. You and Alex walked out, hand in hand. Alex grabbed his guitar and kissed you before going up on stage with everyone else.

Just like always, their show was amazing. The way Matt played the drums that made the songs, Alex's absolutely amazing vocals as well as Matt and Nick's backing vocals and Jamie occasionally messing up the cords, but still doing amazing. You couldn't help but sing along sometimes, though your voice didn't compare to Alex's whatsoever.

Your favourite song they played that night though was Do Me A Favour, though you were confused whenever Alex laughed during the saddest part of the song, but the confusion quickly went away when the drums and guitar kicked in.

Though you enjoyed the sound check, you enjoyed the show even more, and you loved the confidence that they all radiated, acting like the coolest people in the world, because they were. You loved hearing the crowd cheer for them - and you also loved the girls yelling at Alex.

"I love you, Alex!"

"You're amazing!"

"You're a fucking amazing singer!"

"Alright, everybody, it's time for us to go. We're gonna leave you with this one," Alex said, seeming sad himself. They started playing D Is For Dangerous, and you were glad they did, it was one of your favourite songs after all.

You got so into the song that you forgot that it was their last song of the night and you were sad whenever they stopped and said goodbye to the crowd. They all walked off stage, leaving their instruments on stage for the next night when they would be performing again.

You stood up and walked over to Alex, his face immediately lighting up when he saw you, grabbing your waist, kissing your temple.

"Did you enjoy the show, princess?" he asked. You nodded and told him that you absolutely loved it and couldn't wait for tomorrow nights show, certain that it would be even better than this one.

You saw the guys talking and wondered what they were talking about. They then walked over to you and Alex.

"So, we're going to out and eat, you guys wanna come?" Nick asked.

"Yeah, or do you guys want to go back to the bus all by yourselves?" Jamie added, him and Matt laughing. You rolled your eyes and Alex looked at you, then back at the guys.

"Nah, I think we'll go," he said, grabbing your hand, walking you to his dressing room to change, the rest of the guys doing the same. Alex wore the blue button up that you'd bought him for his birthday, he wore it every chance he got, it only being special because you had bought it and not anyone else. He quickly stepped into his black jeans and tugged them up, buttoning and zipping them.

You were on your phone most of the time, responding to messages from friends and family who were asking about the show. Alex saying your name snapped you out of your daze and you looked up at him, seeing his adorable, lazy grin that he only did when he was alone with you, not wanting to show it in public in fear of breaking his 'bad boy' persona that he had.

"You're so cute," you smiled, laughing when he made a weird face at you. You wished that he showed his playful and goofy side in public, you thought that his persona wasn't truthful to who he actually was - a shy, quiet, socially awkward, playful romantic boy.

"You ready?" Alex asked, holding his hand out for you to grab. You took his hand and he helped you stand up, grabbing his bag that had the clothes he performed in and you both walked out, leaving the building entirely, seeing the guys waiting for you two.

"You guys ready?" Matt asked, leaning on the car, Nick and Jamie getting in it along with Mark in the very back, Jamie sitting where he sat on the way to the venue.

"Yeah," you said. You and Alex then got into the car, sitting in the same spots as before, you in between Alex and Jamie, Alex beside the window.

The drive was full of singing, shitty jokes, and occasionally sneaky kisses between you and Alex. Nick and Jamie ended up arguing about witch soccer team was better and it was fairly funny, Matt even joined in. You couldn't help but laugh when they tried to bring Alex into the argument, though he quickly stopped that, saying that he didn't have a say in it.

You layed your head down on Alex's shoulder for the rest of the drive, holding hands, tuning out the stupid argument going on between the rest of the boys.

The car came to a halt at a restaurant, everyone getting out and walking inside, stopping in the entryway for the band to take a picture with a fan of theirs. You all then walked over to a podium where a waitress was standing.

"How many?" they asked, getting ready to pick up some menus.

"Uh ... six," Matt said, stopping for a moment to count up all of you.

"Okay, right this way," they said, picking up six menus, leading you all to a round table where you all took your seats. The seat beside you was empty, Alex sitting on the other side. The waitress left and soon after another waiter came to take your drink orders, bringing them out not long after.

It was a few more minutes until you all had decided what you were going to order and the waiter was quick to come back and take your orders, rushing it to the kitchen.

The boys somehow got back onto their argument on soccer, their bickering amusing, it was like they were children arguing about what superhero was the best which made it all the more better.

They seemed to be too into the argument to notice that Alex was now much closer to you, his hand rubbing up and down your thigh, brushing dangerously close to your clothed clit. You quickly grabbed his hand, reminding him that you were in public. He didn't seem to care though, continuing to rub your thigh, lightly brushing against your clit through the material of your shorts. You held back a gasp and grabbed his hand, pulling it away from you.

He glared at you, grabbing your hand, kissing it. You all talked until your food arrived at the table, though that didn't stop Alex from teasing you again. Whenever the guys were looking away from you two he would whisper dirty things in your ear.

"I can't wait till we get back to the bus."

"You look so hot right now, princess."

You knew that this was either him being horny as always, or it was his gig high that he hadn't shaken off yet. Your second thought was confirmed when he went back to rubbing you thigh, never wanting to do something like this in public, whispering in your ear. "When we get back to the bus, I'm going to fuck you up." That was it, you were gone, couldn't handle his teasing any longer.

"Please, Alex," you said quietly, begging him with your eyes. "As you wish, princess," he said, taking his hand off your thigh. "Hey, guys, I think we're gonna head back to the bus, she's not feeling really well," Alex lied, you playing along.

"Oh, okay, hope you feel better, love," Matt said, drinking his beer. "Thanks, Matt," you said softly, acting as if you were actually not well. You and Alex said your goodbyes to Jamie, Nick, and Mark and then left the restaurant, rushing to get to the bus.

You were both very eagar, more than  you could've ever remembered, the ten minute walk taking a little less than five when you began to hurriedly get there, pushing past people so you could get there faster.

As soon as you both reached the bus and got in, Alex pushed you against the wall, attaching his slightly chapped lips to yours, moving in sync with one another. He bit down on your bottom lip, demanding entrance and you complied, his tongue easily fighting yours into submission. He was quick to rid you of your shirt, working on getting your pants off.

Once he rid you of your pants, leaving you in your bra and panties, he grabbed the underside of your thighs, signaling for you to jump, to which you did. He carried you to your shared bunk with him. You shuffled out of the rest of your garments before crawling into the top bunk, watching as Alex took off his own clothes, crawling in and laying over you, closing the curtain.

He wasn't in the mood to tease you anymore, too far gone just like yourself. He was quick to give his thick cock a few tugs before he nestled himself between your legs, slowly pushing in, head falling down on your shoulder when he bottomed out, the feeling of your walls stretching to fit his size too much for him.

He let you adjust to his size before starting to move, going slowly, setting a pace of his own liking, though it didn't last long, he couldn't take it anymore, his need to hear you moan for him growing immensely. And it didn't take long before you were a moaning mess for him, fingers knotting in his precious hair that you loved so much.

He began to place wet kisses on your neck, one of his hands coming in between your bodies to rub vigorously on your clit, his other hand the only thing holding all of his weight off of you. You knew that it wouldn't be long until you came undone, his thrusts getting faster and faster, but at the same time sloppier and it was obvious that he wasn't very far off either.

"A-Alex, I'm so close," you whimpered, voice trailing off into a moan as Alex had delivered a particularly hard thrust, hitting the spongey spot that made you see stars.

"Come for me, princess," he said, delivering one more hard thrust, flicking your clit, sending you over the edge, your own orgasm triggering Alex's, his hips stilling, his hot release spurting inside you.

His support arm gave out and he collapsed on top of you, panting heavily.

"God, I love you," he panted, the both of you coming down from your highs. "I love you too, Al," you responded.

All of a sudden, you heard the bus door open and heard Matt yell yours and Alex's name. You heard him walk over to the bunk and opened the curtain, quickly closing it when  he saw you both.

"God, Al, you could've given me a warning," Matt said, walking away. "Jamie, Nick, don't look in their bunk. Trust me, you'll regret it," you heard Matt say in the small lounge room and Nick and Jamie's laughter echoed through the bus.

"Sorry," Alex yelled, pulling out of you with a sigh, the two of you shuffling so that you both could sleep comfortably in the very small bunk. "Goodnight, princess, I love you.

"I love you too, Al."

[d-criss-news]

The Glee star and Emmy winner for The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, Darren Criss, 34, will be releasing his first album of Christmas songs, titled A Very Darren Crissmas (October 8). It includes duets with Adam Lambert, Evan Rachel Wood and an original song, “Drunk on Christmas,” featuring Lainey Wilson.

What was your goal with this Christmas album?

To reintroduce familiar songs in a new way. But I also wanted to take lesser-known songs and make those feel more familiar. And, most importantly, I wanted to take songs that people don’t associate with Christmas but I do—like Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”—and try to make them feel like Christmas songs.

What inspired you to write “Drunk on Christmas”?

It’s about the end of Christmas when everything’s been done. There’s wrapping on the floor, you’ve cleaned things, the in-laws have left and there’s nothing else to do. It’s two people having a sit-on-the couch moment, sipping a glass of cocoa with some SoCo [Southern Comfort] in it.

What is it about Christmas music? Why did you want to do the Christmas album?

Christmas or the holiday season is something that, whether we like it or not, we experience every year, and that comes with a litany of wonderful songs and music that again, whether you have been proactive about listening to it or not, it’s pretty hard to avoid. It’s permeated our cultural consciousness for our entire lives. So if you happen to be someone like me who consumes music at a hyperactive level, I’ve always adored Christmas music.

People say this because of the way that it makes them feel and the things that it reminds them of. There are so many layers to why people enjoy Christmas music. It’s nostalgic, it is very romantic, at least in the true dictionary meaning of the word romantic. And to me, I’ve always loved it for a much more anthropological reason, which is for one month or several weeks out of the year we suddenly subscribe to a certain sentiment that the other 11 we don’t really dial into. We want it all, then we want it to just go away.

What makes Christmas songs different?

As a musician I’ve always loved that Christmas music can employ certain musical elements that otherwise aren’t very popular. To me, it’s incredible that without a doubt the estates of many artists are guaranteed placement on the radio even though many of them have been deceased for many years. The pop charts are dominated by whatever contemporary, awesome artists there are nowadays, but in December you can guarantee that Burl Ives and Dean Martin will be on the radio with the best of them. I find that so charming. It’s because people really, really love this music.

And those songs don’t sound like the sounds that we’re hearing on the radio, sonically, harmonically, rhythmically. They employ a lot of “classic” sounds that evoke the feeling of Christmas. I’m a self-proclaimed genrephile—this is a term I use for myself throughout all the stuff that I do. I can’t help but be so enchanted by this idea that artists have license, and by license I mean an excuse to do things that you ordinarily wouldn’t be encouraged to do, or that audiences wouldn’t necessarily be as quick to absorb.

So, when you’re talking about classic Christmas writing, for lack of a better word, you use clichéd Christmas terminology, you use certain chords, and harmonies, and instrumentations that you just wouldn’t do throughout the year. It leans on the slightly more sophisticated, slightly more musical, and that is really exciting for someone like me.

How much does the fact that your last name is Criss play into this?

If you play music and your last name is Criss, every year someone says, “You know what you should do?” as if they’re the first person who’s ever thought of this idea. So I’ve always wanted to do this; it was just a matter of time. And I also didn’t want it to be phoned in, I didn’t want it to seem like, “Oh, here’s some songs that you know already.”

I wrote this in my liner notes that my favorite thing to do with art, but particularly music, is curate, interpolate, create and personalize. That’s my main thing. I’m an OK singer, I’m an OK musician, but what I really think I have a yen for is trying to interpolate something new that people didn’t know before.

If you think about a song like “Jingle Bells,” it was not written for Christmas. It was a song from 200-something years ago that bears no mention of Christmas whatsoever, but we associate it so heavily with Christmas. Lately I hear Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” come up on Christmas playlists. I think it must have something to do with the Christian angle of the song and the reverence of the word “hallelujah,” but there’s no mention of Christmas.

So there’s a lot of different things that can make people feel like Christmas if you arrange it a certain way, and that’s what I wanted to do. I wanted this cocktail of songs that people didn’t know and I might be able to introduce to them in a really new, interesting way.

You duet with Adam Lambert, Evan Rachel Wood and Lainey Wilson. These people couldn’t be more different. How did you select your song partners for this?

Honestly, people are busy, so I leaned on friends of mine. The album is called A Very Darren Crissmas, and I wanted to make it just that. Songs that are very, very me, doing things that are very me, and using the talents of people who are legitimately in my life. Adam has been a pal for a long time. We’ve known each other from just adventures in Hollywood, but he, of course, was on Glee with me. Evan Rachel is a dear pal of mine; we’ve done some things together. She’s played my festival, and I’ve done comedy sketches with her and stuff. These are all extraordinarily talented singers. As I told them when I asked them to be a part of it, “I’d be very lucky to have you on this record.”

I had not met Lainey Wilson before I started this. But when you’re in Nashville, you are in the Olympic tent of USDA certified prime country singers. And that’s a bit of a blind spot for me as far as who’s on the up and up, who’s somebody that can really give a level of authenticity, legitimacy to a more classic ’50s Nashville sound, which is the song that I wrote called “Drunk on Christmas.” My producer Ron Fair, who has been living in Nashville for a while, suggested Lainey and we got on like a house on fire. She’s an extraordinary talent and I was happy to have her. These were all people that were part of this grassroots friend to friend thing. That’s how I got them and I’m very lucky that they’re on the record.

There are hundreds of Christmas songs. How did you choose what to include?

Choosing was extremely hard. I had a list of about 100 songs. I’m not done; this record is only phase one in my mind. There are so many songs that it will make your head spin. If you go, “Did you think about this song?” The answer is yes, and I absolutely had to deliberate which ones I had to triage out of the sequence.

I even said no to “The Christmas Song,” which is on the album. I didn’t want to do it because I was like, “Everybody knows it; it’s perfect by Nat King Cole,” and Mel Tormé [who wrote it] is one of my favorite artists of all time, much less songwriters and musicians. So I was like, “I don’t want to have to do that.” And on the day when we were there, we just had a guitar and said, “Let’s just do it for fun,” because I love singing that song. But I was like, “It’s been done perfectly too many times, I really don’t want to have to put myself up against that.” But we had a nice take, it’s live in the room. And hey, come on, it’s Christmas. So I left it on there.

If we were to come to your house during the holidays, what would you be listening to?

I’d probably sit you down and play you my favorite songs that you’ve never heard that I think are great Christmas songs. But what’s nice is I’ve now put those songs on this album, hopefully, in a perhaps delusional effort to standardize these songs in the Christmas pantheon. There has to be an air of delusion to being an artist in the first place. If one of these songs that no one’s ever heard before catches on with a family or a person and becomes part of their Christmas playlist every year, then I will have succeeded in my efforts.

What did the Emmy you won for The Assassination of Gianni Versace do for your career?

Although the Emmy has just my name on it, the number one thing that I’m most proud of is it’s more symbolic and representative of the work of the whole team. It is a validation and celebration of the really hard work of people that I spent a lot of time and energy with creating this role.

You have a couple voice roles coming up—in Trese and Yasuke—but what are we going to see you in next, not just hear you?

I don’t know. Let me know if there’s any opportunities. A huge reason for why this album was made was because I had the time. Making records takes a lot of time, and I’m envious of people who are just singers. I don’t know how people do that, that’s just not who I am. I’m a producer, I’m a writer, I’m a musician. It takes so much out of me to make a body of music because someone doesn’t say, “OK, here are the songs, show up on a Tuesday, you sing it and then you leave.” Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Some of my favorite artists can do that and are blessed enough to be able to just do that. I can’t.

It takes so much time for me to really get in the weeds, arrange, edit vocals, edit instrumentation, mix tracks, really getting in the jungle of music production. I can’t function any other way and that takes an extraordinary amount of time. Even when there was a global pandemic, I still had deadlines that we could barely make to finish this album because that’s just how my brain works.

So I haven’t been able to act. I haven’t had an acting job in almost two years. That’s not entirely true. I’ve had little bit things during the pandemic, but no big series or films or anything like that. It’s just been mostly working from home and being as proactive as I can be. I started a weekly podcast with a friend of mine, I put out an EP. I’ve been extremely busy with high output and low visibility. I’m waiting for the next thing, but I’m not one to sit still. If you give me time, I’m going to fill all the spaces out. So I did that with music this past two years.

Are you going to go back to Broadway now that it’s opening again?

I don’t want to say anything that is not perhaps confirmed 100 percent, but I will say with full confidence that I have always had the intention of going back exactly where we started. I’ll let them announce what’s happening because every show is in its own unique holding pattern. But, yes, right before the shutdown I was doing American Buffalo in New York, and talk about the actor’s dream, that is right up there. Doing a great American play that I’ve always wanted to do. I’ve had a long history with that show, and I finally get to do it for real with two of my favorite actors—Sam Rockwell and Laurence Fishburne. They are two acting heroes of mine.

So I was in rehearsals for that. We were about to go into tech, and things got shut down. But we’re in a very fortunate position where you’ve got two huge movie stars, you have a very well-known play and you have a fixed set and just three guys. There are musicals that have orchestras, big choruses and huge set pieces, and the overhead and upkeep of these productions is quite complicated. And a lot of them, for that reason, fell by the wayside during the pandemic, and it’s an awful tragedy. But our set and our billboard and our posters are exactly where we left them. It’s kind of a trip. If you go to Circle in the Square, I keep telling people it’s the longest I’ve ever been on Broadway because it’s just sitting there dormant, waiting to be resurrected.

I think all of us are planning on going back. I think the show is scheduled to reopen almost to the day that it was supposed to open in 2020. We’ll see how the schedule ends up, but you have three guys whose heart and soul is the theater. I don’t want to speak for the other two guys, but I’m almost positive that all three of us would rather be doing that play on Broadway than anything else. So when I say I haven’t had an acting gig in two years, it’s been a comfort to know that that was waiting for me on the other end. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that we’ll be able to do it. We’ll have to make sure that everything is hunky-dory with theater audiences, et cetera, et cetera, but that’s the idea.

How did Ryan Murphy casting you in Glee change your life?

I said during my Emmy speech that actors are only as good as the moments they get. I used to say actors are only as good as the parts they get. Take that with a huge grain of salt, obviously, it’s not entirely true. But in context of that moment, certainly you can understand what I meant. Acting is a proactive craft, but in many respects it’s a passive career, where you have to hope and wait for a benefactor, a patron, a supporter to say, “OK, all right, kid, you’re up. I think you can do it.”

I think any artist’s life is a constant compromise between knowing what you can do and what you want to do, and having other people, audiences and creative authorities alike, have an idea of what you can do. You have to have that balance of somewhere in the middle, where hopefully you can rise to an occasion that you know you can do, that somebody’s going to give you the opportunity to do. But you’re not in control of that relationship, and so you have to sit and hope and pray that someone is going to give you that moment and that opportunity. That was something that I’m fully indebted to with Ryan.

Because he did say, “All right, kid, you’re up,” and gave me that shot. We talked about the The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story series for years before we did it. I didn’t think he was ever going to do it. By the time we started shooting, he probably mentioned it to me three or four years prior. And I kept asking about it like, “Hey, you still want to do this thing?” I think he was just always obsessed with the fact that I was half Filipino and that I bore a certain resemblance to the guy. Age and everything, it seems pretty spot-on. But he was a man of his word, and he really did end up making it. So I’m incredibly indebted to him and I’ve always been very effusive about that.

Now that you have this modicum of fame, what would you like to use it to accomplish?

For me, there are so many things that I love in this world that I don’t think other people are familiar with. One of the things about having a modicum of a platform is hopefully embracing that to use it as a gateway drug for stuff that people might not be familiar with. I don’t know if they’re going to like it as much as I do, but I’m looking at this track list and there are songs that I guarantee that you don’t know.

These are all things where I go, “OK, I have this moment of people’s attention, hopefully, this is a fun way to have them have eyes on something that I think is deserving of eyes, and not because of me, but because of other people who have made something amazing.” And, hopefully, they have the same proactive curiosity that I had growing up where I look at the liner notes and see who wrote the songs and where they came from. But we’ll see. We’ll see if people have that reaction.

You’ve accomplished so much. What’s the dream going forward?

The dream is to keep doing me, really. I think all you can do is be as true to yourself and try and do as accessible and as valuable work as you can. And, hopefully, in so doing, represent people, giving them visibility and encouragement towards their own place in the cultural conversation.

[zukuist]

appeal

“y/n decides to make an impromptu cupcake for the class’ angry boy. thing is, they’re bad at making food appeal to the eye. then comes in the said angry boy and.. yeah”

fandom/s: 僕のヘロアカデミア // boku no hero academia (bnha)

includes: k. bakugō (x reader)

your name is shortened to y/n, gender neutral, lowercases intended

note: so like.. it was his birthday yesterday and omg i completely missed it because of school >:( anyways, have this thing i whipped up. also there’s no editing soskdw sorry if this is bad

—

out of the many things you have done so far, this wasn’t definitely not the smartest.

sure, your inner conscience tells you that this would be considerate, and it would’ve been a.. kind gesture towards the upcoming birthday boy.

which is why, you managed to sneak out of your dorm past curfew, a few cooking ingredients that you bought 2 days ago in your arms, as you quietly trot downstairs, and into the kitchen.

you had an internal fight with yourself on why this would be a magnificent idea in the first place. the said upcoming birthday boy being bakugō katsuki, the class’ most feared, and definitely the one with the lowest amount of tolerance with sugary sweets.

so, why did you decide on making him a cupcake?

it’s logical. first, making a small piece of chocolate would be too small for a birthday gift, and he’d probably cackle at your face, if he saw that a piece of chocolate was his birthday gift

not saying that he wouldn’t laugh at you if you didn’t give him a piece of chocolate. the blond would still ridicule you regardless.

and second of all, bakugō despises cake. if he was presented with a large cake on his birthday, he’d probably pay no mind to the time taken to make it, and stomp on it heartlessly.

plus, the class all decided to make him a cake behind his back, so.. why would he need two?

and third of all, you.. have feelings for him. you’ve never actually said it out loud, it just simply haunted your mind for the past several months. you banged your head against your table when you realized that you’ve developed feelings for him.

him, out of all people.

you wouldn’t say that you’re.. nice to him. you have a comeback every time he throws an insult at you, and you take some time out of your day to beat his ass (which is 50/50 when it comes to results)

for once, you decided that you wanted to do something nice. after all, you don’t recall him being necessarily ‘mean’ to you on your birthday

and in bakugō terms, that just meant that he didn’t insult you for an entire day, and instead, ignored you. which you weren’t sure if that was any better.

you’ve thought of things like writing him a letter, buying him spice packets for food and.. getting him whatever he asked for?

you’ll settle with baking a cupcake. you don’t feel like being ordered around right now

it wouldn’t hurt to try, right? you just have to hope that the oven wouldn’t ‘ding’ too loudly, and you just have to rely on your luck that aizawa-sensei wouldn’t walk into the kitchen and see you make a chocolate-vanilla butter cream cupcake.

luckily, the oven doesn’t ‘ding’ loudly, you can thank yaoyorozu for making a quiet oven, just because of mina and kaminari’s late night cooking antics. you pull out the cupcake from the oven with mittens, and you’re just left.. staring.

“that.. can’t look right.” you quirk your head in confusion, “i followed everything in this recipe. why does it look like that?”

the cupcake looked nothing like what you’ve imagined. you had all the ingredients, read through the entire recipe, and you did everything correctly.

however, the cupcake was separated, split down the middle with what looked like.. bubbles? it looked disfigured, and definitely something that was incredibly inedible.

bakugō would never eat this. he would think that you poisoned it!

you hear foot steps echo through the hallway that would connect to the common room, and you panic. just.. panic. you quickly shuffle to disregard the cupcake liners, the chocolate mix, and most especially the sorry excuse of that cupcake.

a voice that’s familiar, well known, and one that strikes humiliation into you fills your ears “oi, which extra is baking in the middle of th—”

scarlet eyes settle on you, and you feel like a deer caught in headlights. you can’t help but notice the mop of disheveled ash blond hair, lacking it’s usual spikiness.

which you would’ve teased him about but.. not with what you’re caught with. the situation can’t be turned onto him.

you’re expecting him to just turn around and walk away, tsking in annoyance, but you don’t hear the echo of his foot steps “what the hell are you doing?” he questions you, straight on

you look down on the cupcake, well.. ‘cupcake’ you’ve just made, and you lift your head at him once again. “happy.. birthday?” you greet, “i was making a cupcake.”

he ignores the fact that it is his birthday. “it’s midnight.”

“i’m aware, bakugō.”

“aizawa’s going to beat your ass when he finds out that you’re— no but, what the fuck is that?”

it dawns onto you that he has seen your sorry excuse of a cupcake. your cupcake for the most part is.. put together? besides the messy frosting planted on top of the cupcake, there’s a tiny patch of unbaked cupcake batter, which is a sore to look at (and not in the good way.)

you’d say it looks like a bland batch of casserole but heck, even bland casserole looks better than this

“a cupcake..?”

“ugh. why didn’t you just get some from the fuckin’ convenient store?” he interrogates you for some reason, and it seems to be that the sleepiness from his eyes washed away.

“you’re acting as if you’ve never had a bad batch of food in your entire life!” you half yell, half shout, surprisingly still aware that if you were to raise your voice by an octave, aizawa-sensei would’ve definitely heard it.

“i haven’t. i’m just a fuckin’ natural at cooking.” he rolls his eyes in annoyance, but you’re just annoyed that he’s bragging.

and the fact that you had no source of food rebuttal, and the fact that there’s not a single case of imperfection in bakugō’s cooking record.

“look,” you sigh, looking at the failed cupcake. “you weren’t supposed to see this, at all. i was going to trash this and go to bed.”

“and?? i don’t see any deathly important appeal to a cupcake.” he stares down, observing how the icing was almost about to drip onto the clean counters.

“yeah, but it was a cupcake i made for your birthday!”

aaand that was it. that was totally it. you should’ve kept your mouth shut, and you should’ve just threw the entire thing in the trashcan, and sprint past bakugō, hoping that bakugō would think that he was having some sort of freakish nightmare.

he doesn’t say anything, and you can’t find it in yourself to look at him, even though you normally didn’t have an issue with that. you can hear him navigate through the dim kitchen, and you can feel him observe your ‘cupcake.’

“there’s no visual appeal whatsoever.” his voice is low, eyes averting to the ingredients on the kitchen island, meaning that he acknowledged that the ingredients used weren’t necessarily.. incorrect.

“yeah, figures,” you grumble, ready for another insult to be slammed into your face, and the salt to be rubbed merciless against the wound that was on your ego

but, it never came. “but, i suppose i could try it.”

“you can’t be serious.” you look at him, startled by the sudden suggestion, “don’t food poison yourself.”

“it’s my birthday, i can do whatever the hell i want.” he glares at you, ruby eyes zeroing in on you, and the cupcake.

“oh, well..” there was no way you were going to contradict him. you make a cupcake for his tasting only, so you’d guess that it was right of him to want to taste it, even if it did look horrendous in visual appeal

you shuffle around for a fork in dim lighting, and he stops you, “if aizawa sees a fork in the sink, he’s going to chomp your head off.”

right.. aizawa-sensei would definitely punish someone over an unwashed fork. “so, you want to eat this with your hands? that’s unlike you.”

“i have better ideas,” and before you could question what those said ideas even are, a piece of cupcake is shoved into your mouth, icing smeared all over the side of your mouth, as bakugō smashed his lips against yours

you stumble in surprise, and bakugō’s movements are agile, quick to press you against the kitchen counter swiftly, warm hands are firm against your sides, and his tongue eagerly collects the sweetness of the icing that was shoved into your mouth, his lips moving alongside yours with an inconsistency

but nonetheless, it’s exhilarating.

when he finally pulls back, you’re left with wide eyes, questioning what the hell just occurred, and why bakugō katsuki just decided to shove a piece of your cupcake into your mouth, and take it with his mouth

“the visual appeal isn’t the worst thing, and the taste isn’t bad.” he comments, “oh, and the cupcake lacks visual appeal.”

your cheeks flush with heat at the implication.

“thanks for the birthday gift.” he smirks with satisfaction, and before you could yell at him, he’s gone.

and then, your legs give in, and you fall down onto the floor, utterly stupefied

—

bonus :

“y/n! are you going to join us?” midoriya asks, obviously referring to bakugō being surrounded by all of your classmates, and being forced down into blow the cake’s candles.

“uh.. in a bit.” you smile with reassurance. midoriya seems to doubt you for a second, but he’s dragged away before he could ask for a follow up question.

you couldn’t stop thinking about what happened just a few hours ago. and what was painful was that he was totally smug about it!

on the outside, he looked well.. himself? but whenever no one was looking, he’d throw that.. look on you!

curse him.

bakugō finished blowing out the candles, after many protests, and when everyone is left to chatter to themselves, sero takes the initiative to ask the question first, “uh.. is y/n okay? they seem.. quiet.”

bakugō glances over onto you, and you tense, just knowing that he’s looking at you. “don’t be worried about that dumbass. they’re all shy about something.”

while kaminari and kirishima perk up at the word ‘shy’ in excitement, and they bombard him with inquires. bakugō eyes shift onto you once again, secretly thrilled just thinking about when would be the next time he’ll be alone with you again.

just so he can scold, and most especially tease you about visual appeal

—

©️ zukuist 2021, bnha|mha belongs to horikoshi kohei. do not steal ❕