#And no i can't wait to post then either 🥴

[rosapexa]

Blistering Love

It's kinda painful to watch them, cause they both suck so much at these things 😂 At least when they develop real feelings for someone.

Johnny never was someone who liked to admit feelings. Not to himself and definitely not to anyone else. So, this date with Rogue was not only an attempt to make things up with her, but also an attempt to bring back old feelings. To maybe get rid of his feelings for Lexa (which is why she also agreed, yet hated it), which totally failed.

Lexa is basically the same as Johnny when it comes to falling in love. And while (unlike the original Lexa) she had relationships in the past, she also kinda kept her partners at distance and never allowed herself to completely be with anyone emotionally.

Something she can't do with Johnny, since he's stuck in her head. And while i imagine, over time they manage to hide some things from another, they are both aware of the other's feelings of course. But besides some akward flirting and getting ridiculously jealous, they just can't directly speak it out loud.

But it's not only stubbornness and being awkward. The biggest issue is, they have no idea, how things will end. If it's possible to have a normal relationship someday. Or even if and how they can survive (spoiler: they will both, cause i can't help it).

And the thought of losing the other scares them a lot.

[starleska]

Hello again!! I'm the anon from before (and I'm glad to hear you had a nice time yesterday!!!), and here's what I wrote.. I've been thinking a lot about the 'Wally eats with his eyes' idea, as many have been !!! I'm not sure how to warn for what this exactly so feel free to tag it with whatever you deem necessary. Wally just. Likes you a lot lol. i guess this is a little silly but i had a good time writing it haha

You are having a staring contest with your friend Wally.

You can't quite remember who started this, or why. Just that Wally had wanted to draw somewhere outside and you tagged along with him, until you were sitting somewhere in a field of flowers around the Neighbourhood.

Wally simply returns your gaze, unblinking, his hands folded over on top of his sketchbook. You think this has lasted long enough. What you want to do is crack a smile or a joke, but you find that your muscles are frozen stiff, and your tongue is so, so heavy.

His pupils expand.

You're supposed to panic about being this frozen up. Moving shouldn't be so difficult. But it's like your body feels like even stressing out about this is too much effort. You feel warm. Your eyelids tremble with the effort to blink. There is no movement, though your eyes don't burn either. You've held them open for so long that the world starts to gray out around you.

His pupils expand.

Wally leans his head to the side, little by little. You mirror his movements without thinking. The tips of your fingers are tingling, your feet feel numb as if fallen asleep. He smiles at you even more than usual. You think that this makes you happy. His lips part slowly, as if to speak, and-

"Hiya, guys!" Eddie calls out from the path to your right.

Your body jolts in surprise, and the spell is broken. By the time you whip your head around to look, Eddie has already continued his delivery route without waiting for a response.

Your returned awareness feels like breaking the surface after almost drowning. A weight disappears from your body, and you practically double over, gasping for air. Your shoulders are shaking, your eyes wide. When you squeeze them shut, it burns. You feel tired like you never have before.

"That was good," Wally says. For a moment, you are hesitant to turn your head back and look at him. You want to hide from his eyes. But you snuff that thought out as soon as it pops up, because that's just silly. You must've eaten something wrong, or have caught a cold. What else could explain this.

You look at Wally. He looks normal, and his eyes upon

"W-what did you say?"

"I asked: Are you feeling good?" Wally speaks even slower than he otherwise would, but his smile is as wide as ever. "You don't look good, friend."

"I don't… I'm a little out of it," you force out a laugh. "I think I'm getting sick."

Wally leans forward.

"You'll be okay," he says, and puts a hand on your knee. "Let's sit here until you feel better."

!!!!!! anon!!!! anon do you know how good this is?!?! oh my gosh!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭 honey, i cannot express how much i adore this fic. it's such a wonderful blend of terror and intimacy, so frightening and claustrophobic yet warm and safe in a way you can't understand...ugh, i'm in love 🥴 your descriptions are so vivid - i could really feel Your panic and nausea. some real Lovecraftian horror stuff going on in here. and oh my God the little detail of him saying, 'That was good' and then switching to 'Are you feeling good?' absolute chills!!! 😱😱 if you feel comfortable enough, you should absolutely post your writing somewhere!! you've got such a talent for writing, Wally in particular, and i'd love to read more of your stuff should you be inclined. i'll definitely be taking some tips from this awesome little fic going forward 😉 thank you so much for sharing 🥰

[thedeathdoctor]

That konig drabble of yours was amazing, may I have more pls 🥺💕*holds out empty bowl looking like an impoverished Victorian child* I simply cannot get enough of that gargantuan man going down on his so in the most desperate and gentlest of ways, I just knowwww he would talk you through it and moan along w you bc he loves it just as much maybe even more😭🥴

*takes your bowl and fills it with a big ladle full from the pot bubbling on the stove* yessss

Okay but he really is such a gentle lover for being this huge mountain of a man

I like to imagine that the first few times, he prefers to keep the sniper hood on

like he gets so so shy and anxious about actually being more on the romantic, mushy side during sex despite his brutish appearance

the veil helps him get out of his own self judgemental head and lets him feel more comfortable with the idea of being watched

you're the one fully exposed to him and yet he can't help but feel nervous showing you how much he enjoys being a generous, tender lover

kissing the inside of your thighs as he slides your panties down your legs

he tries his best to make sure they are in reach instead of tossing them away to make sure you can find them post-coitus

he also really loves starting out by kissing his way towards your sex to ease you into the pleasure of receiving

interspersed with the kisses, he murmurs sweet nothings into your skin in both English and German

"You have the most kissable body"

"Ich könnte dich einfach auffressen, Meine Süße..." ("I could just eat you up, my sweet...")

"Ich habe darauf gewartet, dich zu schmecken..." ("I've been waiting to taste you...")

of course, the entire time, he's taking his hands and running them up your thighs and squeezing your hips

when he finally reaches his goal, he's taking his time, sweeping over the skin with the flat of his tongue, earning the dreamy sighs you exhale

he slips his hands under your thighs, the pads of his thumbs massaging circles just on either side of your sex

more whispering to you, telling you how delicious you taste and promising to take such good care of you

"Gott, du schmeckst so süß, mein Liebling, ich werde dir mehr Freude bereiten, als es irgendjemand jemals könnte …" ("God, you taste so sweet, my darling, I'm going to make you feel more pleasure than anyone ever could…")

he settles in between your thighs, meticulously unraveling your body with his tongue

he's the king of attuning himself to your body and the way you react with every lick

he treats you with a thorough attention you've never before known, and being the target of his intense focus is dizzying

despite his extensive training in breathing exercises, he can't help the way his chest wants to rise and fall in time with yours

he's practically panting in between licks, leaving his aching erection neglected in his pants as he revels in your pleasure

asking for him to give you something to squeeze down on leads to a moment of selfish stubbornness for him

he wants the satisfaction of finishing you off entirely with his tongue once before filling your hole(s)

he'll guide you through willfully relaxing the muscles in your core, easing the tension that has you craving internal stimulation

the man is relentlessly soothing

reassuring you into patient passivity, insisting you need to do nothing yourself, just let him lull you to orgasm

and the praise he'll whisper as you allow yourself to recline deeper into the plush comfort of the bed, letting your sighs and moans fall freely from your mouth in response

"Das ist es, entspanne dich in mir, meine Liebe..." ("That's it, just relax into me, my love..")

"Du machst so einen guten Job für mich, Liebling, gibst mir die ganze Kontrolle…" ("You're doing such a good job for me, sweetheart, surrendering all control to me…")

despite denying you internal stimulation, he more than makes up for it with his tongue

the way he wraps his lips around you and suckles delicately sends you moaning and gasping out his name

it's heaven to his ears

he can't help but to settle into a rhythm of alternating between applying subdued pressure and licking over where you need him the most

he's fully immersed, to him, there's nothing more in the world than you, your keening and your trembling and your taste on his tongue

the man is so lost in it all that he's oblivious to the way he's moaning in time with you

warmth blossoms in your core, filling and overwhelming you until it spills out of you into Konig's greedy mouth

he laps you up eagerly and when you are finally able to look down at him, he's absolutely wrecked, punch-drunk from pleasing you so completely

he's eager to go again, this time wanting to stretch you with his fingers the way you so nicely asked, but also to let himself recharge

yes, he loves giving oral so much that he ended up cumming too

he's still hard, but by god he is much too sensitive for it to be touched yet

unless you need a few more moments of rest, he's going to be staying between your thighs, working you up until both of you are ready for him to split you open with his cock

<3 <3

[ladyluscinia]

BLACKHANDS GIRLIES WE ARE REALLY IN IT NOW!!!

(aka Lady's OFMD 2x01 - 2x03 BlackHands rambling)

Link to the general non-BlackHands thoughts.

Screaming. Whooping. Cheering. *Singsong voice* My fucked up pirate husbands had mutual love confessions while the main fucked up pirate husbands are "on a break" after admitting they made each other happy! AAAAHHHHHH!!! Can't murder-suicide the other half of yourself! I am winning!!!

ADJSKLDFSKJFKDL

Ok. Deep breaths. This will be rambling but coherently (<- lying)

---

Breakup Boat - Izzy's Version

Fuck, I said in my general thoughts post that the extremities of Edward's cruelty & Edward's suicidal pursuit were working well, and nowhere is that more noticeable than in what Edward and Izzy have going on.

So in the timeskip between S1 and S2 we find out Edward has been raiding ships at a breakneck pace, uncaringly trauma bonding his crew (R.I.P. Ivan), going hard on murder & booze & drugs, and tormenting Izzy to the point my guy is literally having a breakdown in front of the crew. He lost the 1st toe for threatening to resign and accidentally setting off a Stede-hurt timebomb, and Edward goes to take a 4th because Izzy doesn't convince his whole crew to happily dump their pay in the ocean. "Threaten me again" has become "Give me any excuse" it seems, and Izzy has been complying. 😬 Edward (casually): "Take your boot off." 😬 Earlier Edward offers him rhino horn, too, and Izzy just says "No, not right now" leading Edward to call him a "lightweight", so I'm thinking Edward hasn't had exclusive rights to substance abuse as a means of coping, either. (Note: the rhino horn itself does nothing, so the substance abuse is booze and any actual drugs he's gotten his hands on.)

Oh, and they didn't include the shot where Edward throws a knife at Izzy? Did it just get cut, or are we getting flashbacks with more conversation later?

Going to rewatch the end of 1x10, Izzy's "smile" at declaring Blackbeard was back lasts a fraction of a second and looks just like his "everything is totally fine I swear" grimace-smiles from the beginning of the episode, so I think it's pretty safe to say Izzy did not ask for this and hasn't thought everything was fine for a single second since.

The Breakup Boat atmosphere is definitely fucked.

Now, personally, I'm still of the opinion we're not supposed to read this as a version of a domestic abuse arc (even with the intervention talk). (EDIT: clarifying thoughts and phrasing.) Because they still inject too much of it with humor and I can't imagine Edward comfortably coming out the other side at a happy ending if we frame it that way. Like there's black comedy and then there's "Wait, we're really just laughing this off?" I think horrific domestic abuse of your ex-situationship in a romance counts as the latter. But I do think it's revealed to be functioning as something adjacent - namely Edward's depression and suicidal tendencies have massively spiked post-Stede and he's actively seeking to a) confirm his own belief that he's unlovable, and b) get killed so everything stops hurting.

And Izzy? Izzy loves him and wants him alive. Worst thing Edward could hear right now.

Like oh my GOD IZZY LOVES HIM. As soon as Izzy hits his breaking point and realizes the crew have his back, he's emboldened to go stand up for them and himself to Edward. (He has been defending them already - the pre-intervention conversation open with him quietly alluding that they need a break - but this is more.) He ignores the boot order, ignores the threat, and finally asks the damn question:

"Who am I to you?"

This is where my linear coherency falls apart btw 🥴

---

Who KNOWS You?

"We've worked together for years. You know me better than anyone has ever known me, and I daresay the same is true for me about you. I have... love for you, Edward."

Oh fuck backstory implications oh FUCK.

Ok, I've already seen the posts doubling down on Izzy realizing he doesn't know Edward at all and I'm drawing my line in the sand. That's bullshit. That line there? That's straight truth.

To quote my own posts:

People will act like you are making bold and unsubstantiated claims if you say Izzy likes Edward as a person not just as Blackbeard, but I find the notion that “Blackbeard” as a human guy you live down the hall from is somehow substantially different / distant enough from the real Edward 24/7 that only liking Blackbeard is plausible to be a very bold claim.

(That conclusion comes from this post, but Izzy knowing Edward vs Stede knowing Edward was also a major point in my original overarching Edward Meta from Season 1.)

Of course Izzy knows Edward. He knows his talents and his weaknesses. He knows the shifts in his mood, his favorite foods to find in a hold, what tasks he used to pass off as often as possible. He talks about work with him because they live on a ship. Their state of dysfunction when we meet them doesn't negate that knowing.

Knowing each other so well actually made their dysfunction worse. Let them escalate more than two people less intimate could have managed, while also exacerbating their misjudgements into ruinous disasters. Izzy didn't know - probably in part didn't want to know - Edward was falling hard for Stede so fast. Edward didn't know or want to know that Izzy was reaching a breaking point for their relationship.

But still, crucially, Izzy did know Edward well enough to clock that something was fundamentally wrong in 1x10, and he knows what's wrong now. He knows Edward is hurting him and hurting the crew because Edward himself is hurting, and the whole point of this "I'm worried about you" talk is to try and fix it.

Unfortunately, Izzy has Stede so unspoken at the front of his mind that he accidentally quotes the man, and that sets Edward off on his interrogation / further terrorizing the crew Izzy is trying to stand up for. Which is why Izzy finally makes his choice to stop talking around the issue...

"The atmosphere on this ship is fucked. Everyone knows why." -> "Your feelings for Stede fucking Bonnet."

...and then Edward shoots his leg out. Not even looking at him.

Jump ahead. Edward says to Frenchie, "The new First Mate always kills the old First Mate. It's always been like that." - Has it though? Because that has some wild implications for Izzy murdering someone to secure his spot in Edward's circle of trust (...hot). And some interesting gaps for Edward if he was ever a first mate under Hornigold or anyone else. Or is this just him fucking with Frenchie because he knows "Trust is king. And queen. Trust is everything" is bullshit? Go, repression boy, go. Who am I talking about? Both. Both is good.

And then of course we get:

"Did you think I wouldn't know the smell of my rotting former First Mate?"

Knows him by the smell of blood and infection. By the avoidant look in his crew's eye. By the fact he doesn't know Izzy is dead. Their relationship is rot and ruin by his own hand but he would NEVER assume Izzy's dead until he knows.

"He was your friend," Jim spits in Edward's face.

Edward wakes up Izzy and even delirious, literal seconds after realizing he's down a leg, Izzy knows what Edward wants the moment he flips the gun. And he wants nothing to do with it.

He knows he can't. Won't. No matter how much Edward openly wants him to pull the trigger. (Edward knows him well enough to doubt, too. It's real convenient that his final staging has Izzy looking at the back of his head. No chance of his face giving anything away.)

Izzy's absolutely brutal in his assessment, trying to give some hurt back, but he's not wrong:

"Ohhhh. Oh, are you scared, Eddie? Too scared to do it yourself, eh? Go on, clean up your own fucking mess. I'm not doing it, I've been doing it all my fucking life. Fuck off."

All his fucking life.

I have to wonder... is this a conversation they've had before? Echoes of one? Izzy has a tactic here - dismissal. Refuse to play along with Edward's melodrama. Treat "I dreamt that you killed me" as though he's throwing a snit like a toddler. "Good for you" could have sounded like a question egging him on, but it comes out flat. A sarcastic sneer. Edward has always thought he'd go out with more of a bang. Loves a good fuckery. In his Purgatory he desperately wants Hornigold to recognize how unique and over the top his mutiny was. Not like those ordinary mutinies. Even his imagined death is being pitched over the highest bluff tied to a rock???

Izzy knows Edward is serious or he wouldn't be so fraught and sobbing as he laughs, but his words don't treat him as serious. Maybe a bit of derision has been effective at ruining the fantasy before? Suicide of a great leader is just so banal, you know? Quit daydreaming and pull off an impossible fix.

(Maybe "Fuck off" normally doesn't end the conversation, but starts the real one?)

Also "Eddie". First off of Izzy's lips at his cruelest, then Hornigold's. We heard it in S1 right before Edward committed to becoming the Kraken. At the time I thought he was bristling at the disrespect - "Eddie" is not "just Edward" - but maybe Frenchie stepped on a bigger landmine than we thought. Edward is so particular about names, and Izzy knows all the rules best, doesn't he?

Either way... This time the conversation ends with Edward leaving. "Farewell, old chum," he says without turning around. And when he hears the gunshot, he's not surprised.

Edward knows Izzy, too. Knows that the farewell may count as "closure" but Izzy is only going to take the ending one way. Izzy lifting the gun to his temple was the inevitable result of leaving that room. It takes seconds. Edward is still rising out of the stairwell when it happens.

We can't talk about knowing without touching on Purgatory, where Edward goes to know himself.

Lots of interesting stuff about Edward modeling his toxic spiral off of Hornigold as the fucked up example from his past. Probably where he picked up a lot of his piracy philosophy too. But the really juicy bit related to Izzy is the spectre of Hornigold confronting him about killing his dad and Edward's instinctive:

"I've never told anyone about that."

Hornigold calls him out for telling Stede, but it seems pretty likely that Stede is the only one he's ever had the conversation with.

However.

I still think Izzy knows. Hornigold even tells us how:

"A grown man covered in tattoos? Eh? With daddy issues?"

Edward didn't tell Izzy, and Izzy didn't ask for confirmation. But Edward will tell a whole crew of strangers about "the Kraken" killing his dad to win best ghost story. And that his dad was a dick. Izzy, who Edward loves and trusts and "outsources the big job" to, would not have much trouble connecting the dots between any version of that story / troubled childhood anecdotes / Edward's issues with killing / Edward's daddy issues.

I sincerely doubt "killed your abusive old man" is even an uncommon pirate backstory.

Izzy does know Edward - at his best and worst and everything in between. Knows him better than anyone. Suspects with certainty his darkest secret.

Izzy knows Edward, and Edward knows Izzy, and that's why everything fundamentally quakes for Edward in this self-destructive rampage when Izzy breaks their unspoken rule and tells him that he loves him.

---

Who LOVES You?

Jumping back to the (first!) literal, actual love confession we got, let's talk phrasing. Because yeah there's love there, but at the moment there's also a lot of other stuff.

"I have... love for you, Edward."

This is such a passive way of confessing, and there's the long pause as Izzy forces it out. People have attributed it to repression, or feeling ashamed of his love for Edward, or just not wanting to push it on him. I think "love" isn't a word they use out loud, so saying it is hard, but I also think Izzy's being passive because at the moment it does just feel like he "has" love. He doesn't want to actively feel it or offer it up right now, not with the complicated knot of anger and hurt and, tbh, probably some of his own depression. He "has" love because, despite everything, he still loves Edward.

And he does, is the thing! The whole goddamn reason Izzy is here, still trying to be a support for Edward is because he loves him. Literally anybody else would have left by now, or killed Edward, considering he's actively trying to push Izzy to the breaking point. And even at said point, when Izzy's finally standing up for himself, he offers Edward another chance to realize he's loved.

Edward starts dismissing him the moment he says the l-word, but Izzy continues:

"I'm worried about you - we all are. The atmosphere on this ship is completely poisoned. But if we could all just, maybe... talk it through?"

Izzy knows what's wrong and while he didn't originally think Stede was that important to Edward, he's put it together by now. And he's a huge fan of trying to talk through their problems, tries it multiple times even in the peak communication failure / stress powderkeg of S1, so of course he tries one last time to get Edward to accept he's not alone.

Instead, he accidentally invokes the ghost of Stede Bonnet and reminds Edward why he's doing all of this in the first place. Reminds him that he is unlovable while having the audacity to confess to loving him.

So Edward makes a big show of going out on deck, shoots Izzy in the leg, and tells Frenchie to get rid of him.

Frenchie doesn't, naturally.

And when Edward finds the crew saving the man who he just shot for daring to love him - because of course they are, he's their dick now - well... "He was your friend," Jim spits in his face, having just been thinking about their best friend (who they are more than a little bit in love with 👀).

How long do we think Edward stands there, looking at what he's wrought? How long does he sit at Izzy's bedside, looking at him "rather still" while he weighs if the missing leg proves his point where the toes didn't?

And you know Izzy's love is so bone deep and rooted in that it's unconditional by this point, because Edward did NOT prove his fucking point. Nothing he's done so far is enough to get the man who loves him to pull the fucking trigger. Down 3 toes and then a leg, asking first thing whether Edward was there for the other one, and STILL. STILL IZZY IS HEARTBROKEN AT THE REALIZATION THAT EDWARD IS READY TO END IT FOR REAL.

Still he won't pull the trigger himself. Not on Edward, at least.

And only after Izzy is gone can Edward return the words.

"I loved you. Best I could."

*screaming crying tearing at the walls*

He loved him.

HE LOVED HIM.

Edward's perspective of his relationships is fundamentally warped. Alongside his self-image. Probably has been for most of his life, going back to the self-hatred he ties to killing his dad. Stede leaving hurt him immensely (and predictably, Stede) in ways Stede will have to own up to, but it was Edward's own unaddressed issues - independent of Stede AND Izzy - that determined the appropriate response to that hurt was "realize that vulnerability and hope are lies and every dark voice in the back of your mind ever was telling the truth, actually."

Edward's conviction that nobody loves him and that he's not capable of successfully loving someone back is literally his depression talking. It is not rationally based in the reality of his life or relationships, Stede or otherwise. He may even have successfully beat back the sentiment for most of his life, with that getting harder and harder as time went on.

(He's expressed this kind of depressive-episode-driven warped view before, btw, and they explicitly parallel it in Purgatory just for me! The flashbacks of the bathtub scene while he attacks the spectre of Hornigold are my huge W in that episode. "It all boils down to this - you're afraid you're unlovable", said by the actual manifestation of Edward's suicidal self-hatred in Purgatory, is the new "That's why I don't have any friends." I think it's fair to question if he was a reliable narrator of his experiences back then, too. Jim and the crew certainly think he had at least one friend.)

Basically, "Best I could" now can mean a lot of things before. Young Izzy and Edward could have been much healthier than they are at present. Probably were, to be honest. It wasn't enough to save them from going sour, but it could explain why they've stuck together so long even as it has.

Izzy loves Edward. Edward loves Izzy.

LOVE LOSES. BUT LOVE WINS 😭😭😭

---

Kraken Era = Murder-Suicide, but Edward Wants to be the Murdered One

So, uh... *scrambling for notes* Where am I going with this? Fuck, I'm not even writing it linearly... OK!

Izzy KNOWS Edward - knows him going back ages, has seen his darkest and weakest moments - and even after 3 toes and a stress breakdown he still LOVES him enough to say it out loud (which I doubt these guys do, uh, ever). Which really throws a wrench in Edward's "Stede realized I'm inherently toxic and unlovable" theory, and prompts him to redouble his "prove to Izzy he doesn't love me" efforts by casually shooting him.

Afterward, he finally makes his passive suicidal intents explicit when talking (practically sobbing, in truth) to Frenchie:

"Never going back to land. We're gonna sail, rob, raise hell forever and ever, without end."

He's set on it, now. Izzy's potential last act was to finally rip down the illusion, give name to the hurt Edward had been running from since he first put on his Kraken makeup. So he pushes his little wedding toppers out the window, cleans himself up, and goes out to wave every single red flag imaginable for poor Frenchie's locked box.

Except it wasn't Izzy's last act, now was it?

But that's fine for Edward. That actually works better. He wants the hopeless situation to end, but he doesn't want to pull the trigger himself or he would have done it by now. After everything, surely Izzy should be ready to murder-suicide him??? He can't still love him, not after Edward so effectively proved he's exactly as toxic as his self-loathing depressive episodes say he is. It's poetic.

Edward underestimates Izzy. Knows him with his head, but the depression makes him underestimate his heart.

Edward doesn't get a bullet through the head, be hears the gun go off and - well - that's one way to spin "not even Izzy loves me any more" into a true statement.

Edward wants to live slightly more than he wants everything to end. It's the only reason he's alive. Before Izzy said Stede's name he was floating high on denial like that bird who never lands, keeping his depression and his destruction as a blast radius more than a dagger. He was lurching in the direction of dying by combat or by crew mutiny or by simple self-destructive behaviors, but he avoided thinking about anything long enough to have intent.

After Izzy's desperate attempt to intervene, Edward can't hide from his own reasoning anymore. Or his hurt. Or his self-enforced hopelessness. And with that comes aims. He has his rough night and then starts the massive red flag upswing. Cleans up. Gets ready for the big finale. He pushes Izzy with the "closure" conversation, trying to find a pressure point that will get him killed to close off the narrative with a artful bow.

Murder-suicide sounds like a fix to his problems, but he still wants to live slightly more. He still can't turn the gun on himself. He aims to be the murdered one.

After Izzy is gone, though, by Edward's own actions? That's the last straw he needs to commit in full. Thanking Frenchie? Just another final goodbye to get his affairs in order. "Take the day off, brother. Go live." The moment Izzy dies they all become dead men walking.

Thank FUCK that Edward a) still would prefer it if they snapped and murdered him / something out of his control killed him (he still wants to live), and b) still wants to die dramatically. A different man would have walked right back to his cabin and not missed.

Sidebar to appreciate the breakup boat crew some more because I love them:

Fang: "So... do we think he's better?" Jim: "Fuck no!"

Edward is ready to be the murderer with his cannon pointed at the mast, but he stalls on damning the whole crew to a watery grave (r.i.p. half of them), gives Izzy time to wake up and drag himself out to protect said crew, and then finally gets what he's been after.

Edward's motivations are already perfectly clear, but just to really hammer it in - he thinks he just drove a man he loved to suicide, and then he demands the couple he found kissing fight to the death with the reasoning:

"All love dies, I'm just hastening the process."

Jim literally just learned last season that was bullshit, my guy. It makes sense they are the one who finally puts a stop to him.

(Except the cannonball doesn't hit. There's no head wound. And Edward is alive when they take him back to the secret room, laying him out respectfully instead of letting the waves take him too. They don't even know if they'll survive. They certainly don't have anywhere to take the body, or a working ship to get there. Maybe they didn't notice because they didn't want to notice.)

(AND EDWARD STILL WANTS TO LIVE)

Both Izzy and Edward try to die. Both of them do - maybe, in the bottom of their hearts - want to live just a tiny bit more. They shoot each other. They say OUT LOUD they love each other (though Edward I swear to fuck you better say that to Izzy's face ohmygod). They are on this journey together.

BOTH OF THEM LIVE. AND NOW THEY HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT.

(I feel like I wanted to add stuff about Stede & Izzy meeting again but like. I don't even know. Izzy doesn't even know. Is he protecting the crew? Deflecting? Edward's dignity (-ish)? Stede's good opinion of Edward? Dealing with his own massively fucked headspace? Ask me again on Friday. Fuck.)

My fucked up guys are in toxic fucked up LOVE!!!

[hellyeahsickaf]

If you want to get mad about how fucking awful some doctors are, here you go

With my post about medical discrimination against addicts and disabled people gaining traction again I got a few people asking about how I'm doing after my kidney infection and what happened in the ER. I'm better, could've been much worse but when I was seen they gave me antibiotics before anything else- it was the one thing they did right

I knew I had a kidney infection, I told them that I had a UTI and checked off all of the boxes for a kidney infection which is potentially deadly and leads to sepsis in as little as 12-48 hours if untreated. Pro tip because I'm an idiot- always see a doctor for UTIs, you can't just self treat them even if it seems to be going away as was the case for me. That's how it reaches your kidneys. Whoops 🥴

I waited a few hours which is expected but I got progressively worse. I also reported my pain as an 8/10 (9 by the time I was seen), migraine, fever, chills, weakness, dizziness, fatigue, nausea, probably some other things. I was shaking, crying, curled up, truly some of the worst pain I've ever felt next to gallstones. Maybe others handle this kind of thing better. Or maybe most grown ass men they see in this condition either have serious injuries or are addicts putting on a show. In which case they'd still be truly suffering. It shouldn't matter if they're an addict if they're in the ER desperate for relief in that moment. But yeah, I was ignored for most of the night aside from being given antibiotics and Tylenol. I just reread my clinical notes from that night actually and got mad again lol

I saw the doctor for under 5 minutes that night. He asked why I was there and how I was doing. I told him how awful I felt and he didn't carry out any examinations, it was the first time I'd gone to the ER and wasn't even asked to wear a gown. Either way he was extremely neglectful. Had the nerve to report exams for ENT, eyes, cardio, abdominal, skin, etc that never happened. He didn't lay a finger on me. Reported answers to questions I was never asked like whether I've had past surgeries (he put no when I have). And at the end of his clinical notes he states the following:

"..While I considered a CT abdomen/pelvis, I do not currently feel it is necessary based on the patient's physical exam and clinical history and review of any labs that were ordered. Patient is otherwise well appearing; feel it is reasonable to discharge the patient home at this time with close outpatient follow up."

So he claims he considered a CT scan but based on the results of exams he never performed and clinical history he never asked for and the fact that I was "well appearing" (felt like I was dying), he felt it was "not necessary" to order a CT scan. Only at the end of my visit- 6 hours later was I given an effective painkiller. This negligence genuinely could have killed me and I didn't want it to happen to someone else so I reported him for malpractice. They carried out an investigation and concluded there was no wrongdoing on his part. The woman that was in charge of being in contact with me during the investigation was really nice and also pissed off on my behalf and rightfully so. Also some days after my visit I got a lab report indicating that the strain of infection I had was fairly uncommon and pretty fuckin dangerous with some strains being immune to antibiotics

Maybe I should have advocated for myself better but the condition I was in, I could hardly talk at all. I just hate that he just gets to keep practicing medicine and jeopardizing the health of his patients to make his job easier despite the fact that it could kill someone. It's fucked up how easy it is for doctors to get away with this shit really.

[not-goldy]

I hope Jimin was in his savage era on Jk's day. Hope he watched some of these episodes back and was like you know what, you kinda were being an unnecessary pain in my Jibooty. Hope he just gave him a bro pat and was like Happy bday bro and ignored him the rest of the day. Jk sitting there waiting for his predictable annual Jimin bday post he's gotten use to and it doesn't come. Remember how Jk said his bday sucked last year to a reporter & said he didn't get traditional soup And we find out Jimin said he called JK, he probably didn't see him in person & that is why it sucked. Poor Jk, no soup, no Jimin and straight up said it sucked into the microphone and didn't hold back. If I were Jimin, I would be like you didn't get traditional soup huh, but yo mamma made it for my birthday, at least you got to enjoy it on my birthday and walk off like a boss. I'm kidding, joking aside, they were together on JK's bday this time by choice and nothing can take that away and we know Jimin probably made JK's day as special as he could be considering where they are. post or not. Its Jimin & we're talking about JK. He can't help it.

Unnecessary pain in his jibooty???????

I'm shooketh🤣

Bro pat is diabolic 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Awww not ignore him like wtf🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Okay not too much now💔🥴

Oh thank God you jx kidding😭😓🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I agree with your conclusions

I mean where they going they literally in forced proximity with eachother and I love how Jimin said well the best of friends could fight in such a confined space but not them

Jungkook loves and I don't have a problem with the way he loves. Like let's not get it twisted. He probably loves hard between the two. But loving someone and relating with someone are two different things.

And I feel that's were many people lose the plot when it comes to those two.

Jimin is extremely brilliant and relating to people. He has all the right emotional skills to relate with people. I'm just gonna say Jungkook is a bit lacking in that department so he can come off as aloof to some people.

But that doesn't in no way shape or form negate the love they each have for the other. Like I have no doubt on my mind Jimin and Jungkook love eachother.

And I know Jimin is confident in Jungkook's love towards them and more importantly he's confident in his own emotional skills to help them relate well in their relationship.

And listen, my guy, Jimin will choose his dynamic with Jungkook and perhaps has more confidence in the potential of a successful relationship with Jungkook than he has in Taehyung for example.

He's willing to forgive and Jungkook is willing to be told what he needs to do no matter how stubborn he may be.

I've learned and grown so much from their dynamic and in a perfect world I want to be like Jimin but right now Jungkook is where am at and if I sink low I'm a Taehyung 💀

I want to be so good at relating with people, not react impulsively, not let people's shit stirr up my own shit like people dont understand just how much Jimin brings to the table.

But I've a been a Jimin and I tell it's exhausting

Its exhausting being the one to reason all the time, be thoughtful all the time, care about the consequences of things and just plain be the mature one and intelligent one all the time

Baby now I let all burn and toast to the flames 🔥 😍

If you won't think before you act ill let you deal with the consequences of that. If you won't nurture our relationship back I'll let it wither, if you won't be the first to Apologize I won't either and let this relationship go to hell

I don't have to be the one to save it all the time and I feel neither should Jimin you know???

If people wanna be ghetto and not care about the little things that fosters a community and bridges relational gaps man don't care either you can't carry certain things all on your back.

Which is also not to say he must come from a place of malice no. He just has to care for his own emotional well being and understand if he keeps going like that he will burn out and feel emotionally depleted.

I hope he does more than pat him on the back. May be order a cake for him and gather a few friends to sing happy birthday for him because I know Jungkook makes his birthdays special for him even if he doesn't post about it🤷🏾

[visualtaehyun]

Hey, I just wanna know from where did you start learning thai? Also, what advice do you give to those who wanna start learning it

Hiya anon ✨

I'm not sure how much help I can be, considering I'm not doing a course or following an app or anything people usually do for language learning 🥴 I've been learning mostly by immersion tbh - I've been almost exclusively watching Thai series for over a year now, plus interviews, variety shows, youtube content, songs, so many songs lol, tweets, etc.

My personal learning approach is pretty loose and chaotic lmao but here goes:

1) The biggest hurdle for me was the script. Apart from already having started to notice recurring words being said in the Thai BLs I was watching at the time, I also wanted to be able to read people's tweets! In the end, it was a combination of 1) an app I happened to find (Pocket Thai Master for Android, it's free on the Play store!) and 2) the Wikipedia article on the Thai script that both helped me to understand and start reading and writing. Coming from a non-tonal mother tongue, learning the script early on really helps to understand the tones in Thai so it's something I would for sure recommend!

2) I started keeping a lil vocabulary notebook (you know those two-column ones?) shortly before my Bangkok vacation earlier this year. It not only helped with new vocabulary but also kept me practicing writing! Anytime I encounter a new word, I look it up on either or all of the following online dictionaries: thai-language.com, thai2english, Longdo Dictionary (which I literally just now realized can be set to English in the upper right corner, I've just been using it in Thai ever since I found it djsjdh), Wiktionary in Thai, or if all else fails I google it and might find an old forum entry or maybe an article if it's a slang word or idiom. I recall having dinner in a Bonchon in Bangkok and brokenly asking the waitress for chopsticks so, while waiting, I looked up and took down the word's spelling and pronunciation and when she came back and saw me copying all the info into my little notebook liKE A NERD she laughed and complimented me for the effort haha

3) If I hear a Thai word I'm unfamiliar with that I can't look up because I don't know the spelling, there's a few approaches. If I have context for its meaning, for example subtitles, then I look up the translation instead and hope I find it. If I don't, then there's the option of using thai-language.com's Reverse Phonemic Transcription function (this site in general is my holy grail tbh, it's why I mostly stick to its romanization style for any of my #local woman harps on about linguistics posts). Another option is using the papago app's speech-to-text function. Yes, you read that right. A Korean translation app, that I previously used when I was learning Korean and thus still had on my phone, proved to be useful for me to make sense of the spelling or pronunciation of Thai words. At the beginning, I only used it to read me homonyms out loud so I could parse the difference in tones lol but then I realized it wasn't half bad at rendering an accurate transcription! Sometimes I use that feature to check my own pronunciation or remind myself of the spelling of a word.

4) I always like to recommend @lurkingteapot's comprehensive Thai language learning resources post (it's far more coherent than my post here lol). And shoutout to @recentadultburnout for posting about Thai language and culture as a native speaker (both on tumblr and on ao3)! 🙏

5) This might be minor or self-evident but ya know- install the Thai keyboard for your devices! You're gonna need it sooner or later anyway if you wanna actually use the language. And if you're a keycap and keyboard nerd like me and happen to fall in love with a keyboard in a Siam Discovery store ehem then I do recommend getting a Thai layout keyboard (or keyboard stickers!) because that has proven to help me a lot in terms of ease of learning on desktop and familiarizing myself with letters I don't often encounter. Throwback to that one time I was on the train, revising consonants and their tone classes, and indignantly texted a very confused yet amused family member a photo of my hand-written copy of the Thai consonant table, asking how I'm ever supposed to differentiate between ฎ and ฏ!! Even now, I have to lean in and squint like an old lady to see the difference on desktop. 😭

I hope at least some of this proves to be helpful in your quest to learn Thai! In any case, you're not alone on tumblr or in our little BL/GL/QL fandom bubble - I know of several users who are learning Thai, like @airenyah and @philologique and the aforementioned @lurkingteapot, just to name a few I personally follow and who I'm sure all have their own advice to give if you shoot them an ask~

สู้ ๆ นะ :) /suu suu na/

[fandomfluffandfuck]

https://www.tumblr.com/hemipenal-system/735077184093454336/aww-whos-my-good-boy-its-you-isnt-it-you

*leaves you with horny thots* the muzzle is what gets me here, they want to bite and claim so bad but they gotta be good for their master 🥺

(i'm thinkin' abt shrinkyclinks, bucky wants to growl and beg, the leash only allowing him to be on his knees, sniffing around his stevie's jeans :( he isn't even allowed to get the zipper down! so unfairrr)

[Link] to a horny text post about werewolfs

Oh my Godddddd, the way I read that text post when I first looked at that was muzzle as in the mouth and nose of a dog's face, but I do like the other way to read that like a muzzle that you put over someone's face to make sure they can't open their mouth

Oof

Shrinkyclinks or big werewolf puppy Steve, either way, I'm fucking down. Big, obedient men whining and whimpering? Sign me THE FUCK UP 😮‍💨🥴

If we think about a muzzle as in the body form... I'm thinking big, puppy werewolf Steve. He nuzzles his face right up against Bucky, whining and waiting to be given permission to use those plush lips--especially that fat bottom lip--on his master. Steve, needing to please him so much, is very reminiscent of a well-trained puppy. He's wrought with needy energy, wiggling in place, begging with his eyes like a puppy lying in wait next to their full food dish, anticipating the command, finally being told it's okay to eat. Obedient, yes, but also clumsy and eager. Panting. Drooling. Begging with big puppy-dog eyes.

If we think about a muzzle as in a restraining item to gag someone, I'm thinking shrinkyclinks with sleek, leather-bound, winter soldier Bucky and lil Steve. Steve doesn't even have to tug Bucky's leash or tighten his muzzle to have his dog heel--he can make his big, silent dog obey with just a glance and a snap of his fingers. Bucky will crumble. Bucky is so good for him. Bucky wants to be so good for him, evident by the way he shoves his muzzled face up against Steve's lithe, pale thighs, straining against the muzzle, aching to taste as he huffs through the muzzle. Bucky is patient. Bucky is good. Bucky waits and waits and waits, and eventually, a growl slips loose. He can't help it. He just wants to please his master.

Good 👏🏻 thoughts 👏🏻

The Steve I'm picturing:

The Bucky I'm picturing:

[rosey100]

❄️

So this post was supposed to be made sometime in December (I couldn't do it due to technical difficulties that spider that time) but figured that I would post it now then later on just so I won't regret it plus it was supposed to be a Exam pass trip but if you any other things 🙌🏽 that's fine but here we go

JJ and Varina's trip that of a whimsical ski trip turns into a something new warm with each other

Fu€k why did they make a trip for Sweden😠

Oh, come on, look at the bight side. At least we're at the only hot tub that doesn't have a group of drunk people who keep looking at us.

I guess I think that one guy was looking at me too long at the third tub back there. Thought I was going over there and slap him.

Not if I got to him first, now let's go enjoy our night together ok.

Oh alright, I guess one thing can't make this night go wrong right

Well, maybe the hot tub could make it better

Haha, just like we planned 😏

Ha, come on, let's get in😄

|*Both JJ and Varina started to make their night the moment they were in talking, laughter, and just enjoying themselves with music and whatever snacks or drinks they have in the tub, but as the night goes on, things took a interesting turn*|

*Sign*

Enjoying it

Ya, I definitely what I needed on this trip. I just gotta say this is the best part I've had all day 😌 * lead on JJ's chest while wrapped in his arm *

See, we're having fun already, and the fact you're dad tried to decline it would've been boring

Don't go there, J🤦🏼‍♀️

At least he agreed to let me go when you apologized

I know that, but it was just a little bit of a misunderstanding |whispering| on his part

*😤😣* Baby

Look, I'm sorry about that, but in defense, I said what I said before, but at the same time, I did apologize.

Ya, because both our moms told you to afterwards

I'm still shocked that you lift him so easily

Oh please I've done way more that can tickle you down

O you mean like this 😈

*started tickling Varina*

Ha ha ha Oh my gosh! stop it !* giggle * J bear * giggle *

Nooooo 😚

*Continue to tickle her *

*Gasp* Jimmy Z, don't you dare try it 🤣

Come on like you never gotten tickled before

No, not like this stop. *laughing*

*Kissing her neck, ticking her more*

Stop it, I swear *kiss* *kiss*

*Kisses*

Wa...Wait *kiss** kiss* we goi *kiss* going too fast

I *kiss* I know that, but *kiss* it's umm, feels to ummm, good

|*Suddenly, JJ holding Varina now on top of him tightly now closely against each other stops at close eye contact *|

This is literally insane we... I'm not... you di.. we're not going through with this, right!!

*😳* I don't see why, but I guess I wasn't expecting anything like this. We could stop if that what you want to or just go to our rooms maybe

Ya, maybe I guess so

I mean, this doesn't seem like it's getting late, so we could just go to bed and-

No, that's not happening

What, but you said

*Kiss*

I really don't know how and why, but maybe we could either finish what this or you can spend this alone

So we're going to do it 🥴

Shhhh, let's just take this to our room

But we one slipped room,so you meant the room next to yours or the room next t-

Last talking more action* kiss *

Um...ummm

To be continued💚💜..... ❤️

Varina Varmitech belongs to @jokerislandgirl32

[destinyc1020]

Thank you! I think you worded it perfectly. Like there is kind of this lack of empathy for Zendaya because she is rich and she will be fine, as if law is not also very rich. But the fact he didn't tell her beforehand is really not right. I get it was impulsive but I can't imagine being Zendaya and sitting in London and going on IG at the end of the day and seeint that. She probably was panicking and thinking something really bad happened and was worried about him and also probably shocked and upset. And then after all that to see the viral hate train go against her on Twitter, ig TikTok etc, to have hate comments on her IG and law to do nothing until like two days later??? I get law is a dramatic dude but none of that was fair to her, when she has been so loyal to him and like he said protected her. But I really feel law was just in it for himself.

Like I said, we all love Law and have done so for so many years, so that's why this is so tough to say.... But sometimes you just have to call a spade a spade. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I didn't feel like it was right at all for him to just totally blindside her (his biggest client and little sister) like that. 🥴 It wasn't right to do that to his other clients either, but at least with Z I thought they talked about everything. I guess not 🥴

Yea, like you said, I'm sure in the end she will be fine (she's Zendaya after all), and I'm sure PLENTY of stylists would be chomping at the bit just to get to be her next stylist (Personally, my first choice would be Jason Bolden since he's black and styles many high-profile celebrities), but that still doesn't negate the fact that the way Law handled this was just really kinda cruel. 🥴

What Law SHOULD have done (imo) was inform Zendaya and the rest of his clients beforehand that he was retiring, and THEN post it to his IG.

And in all honesty, what he really could have done was told Zendaya privately that he was THINKING of retiring. She could have given him some time off. Maybe he's still grieving his nephew's death.... that's all understandable. Grief comes in WAVES. Some days you're perfectly fine, and other days you're a hot mess and a bundle of emotions. 😔 Little things can trigger you (ie. a memory, a photograph, etc). Like, I totally get all of that.

But he could have taken a much-needed BREAK, maybe even taken MONTHS off (if he needed to), then he could have come back with a more clear head, and then made whatever life-changing decisions he needed to make (if still applicable). 🤷🏾‍♀️

I'm also still kind of miffed that he didn't just WAIT to post that retirement post. 🥴 He had FULL control over what he posted, and WHEN. This isn't like some paps photographed you one day against your knowledge and consent, and you had absolutely no idea some scandalous pictures of you were gonna come out to the public, so you didn't have time to warn anybody close to you lol. 🤣 😂

Like NO.... he had FULL CONTROL over WHAT he posted, and WHEN. 🤨

Personally, if it had been me, I would have deliberately waited weeks, maybe even MONTHS after the whole LV "no seat" fiasco in Paris before posting my "retirement", because now it just looks like you're retiring cuz you were mad and salty that you couldn't sit next to your client Zendaya at the fashion show. 👀

It would have garnered way less hate for his client Zendaya as well if he had just waited to release that announcement a little later until AFTER ppl forgot about the whole Paris thing, or at least after you and your client are seen working together on another event.

Everything is all about image in this industry, because everyday fans take little crumbs and run with it, creating a full on narrative, no matter how false it may be. 🙄 You have to ask yourself: "How is this going to look to other people?" 🤔

I just can't believe he let Zendaya go to London totally blindsided. 😔

He just didn't think of her feelings and mental health at all as far as I'm concerned. And I'm sorry, but I'm really just SHOCKED because that just doesn't seem like his character at all, but now I guess I know better lol 😅👀

If I were Z I would tread REAL carefully with him. 👀 I know I don't have all the facts, and of course I have no clue what they've discussed since then, so my knowledge of the situation is clearly very miniscule, and I freely admit that. But for him to basically say out of his own mouth that he didn't tell her (like, we're not just ASSUMING things here.... like, he basically said it himself) is just.... wow. 😳

He just showed me that when stuff hits the fan, he's gonna think about himself and himself only 👀

Idk.... like I said, I were Z I'd keep both eyes open, that's all I'm saying. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[crescentfool]

hi! do you perhaps have more thoughts on your p3 actor au? cause I cannot for the life of me stop thinking about it

i hope you're having a wonderful day!! 💖

hi anon, i hope you didn't mind the wait for me to answer this ask! wanted to put some thought into it 🙏

for the p3 actor au i think these could be some fun thoughts. mostly blooper/cut-content oriented because i'm that kind of person:

elizabeth's actress is one of those people who literally lives their role (nearly identical to it), even when the cameras aren't rolling. i love thinking about SEES hanging out and they're like "you know we aren't filming, right?" (but they appreciate her quirky nature)

minato's actor sometimes brings his switch to set and may play it during his break times. i like to think that at some point his headphones accidentally unplug while he's playing and then whatever scene going on needs to be refilmed because there was a "WOOMY" noise in the background.

i think that aigis and ryoji's actors should be best friends, actually. as a treat. this is self-indulgent of me, really. unfortunately i can't elaborate.

re: aigis's costume design, i think that there won't be much green-screening needed (since cosplayers have managed to make the design before! which is really impressive!). compared to everyone else though, i think she'd have the longest make-up routine/prep-time... sorry to aigis's actress 😔

pharos would be played by a child actor and i think he should be friend's with ken's actor. i don't know how that would work but ken should have some more people his age on set tbh 🤧

ryoji's actor definitely got his scarf snagged on something during filming... maybe the escalator at port island station...? in a similar vein, i would not be surprised if chidori's headband or aigis's shoulder part fell off mid-filming and they had to take a temporary break afterwards.

on the show's social media, for halloween, the cast took a special featherman-inspired photo! but also i think it'd be cute if the actors went to a haunted house together and filmed their interactions.... not that it'd be much scarier than tartarus, LOL. i can see yukari just being fed up with junpei's attempt to make the visit even scarier than it needs to be.

i think if anything about the show/set would be leaked online... it would be through junpei's instagram live or something like that 😔 i am very sorry about this but also i think that junpei would be very happy and proud of the cast's work. he'd just be so happy and be like "HEY GUYS check out what the director sent-" and all the comments is everyone else telling him "NO"

i think shinjiro, fuuka, and hamuko would occasionally cook group meals for the set! nothing beats a good ol' home-made meal! 🥺 and really, i think shinjiro would make nice gestures and just help the others on cast a lot, even after october 4th is filmed.

also something that has vaguely crossed my mind: "the cast of persona 3 reads your tweets / posts." specifically akihiko and mitsuru... i just think that they'd both be fun yknow 🥴

this is silly but i think that during december 3rd when ryoji comes and gives his lil' info-dump on what SEES has to do- he should sneeze in the middle of it. ruin the immersion y'know 😎

also in general i think it's cute whenever there's cast interviews or "see how well the cast members know each other" (and those kind of things..?). other than the full-cast, i think i can see there being group interviews with the senpai trio™ (mitsuru, akihiko, shinjiro), ryominaigis + hamuko, the second years (fuuka + junpei + yukari), etc. etc. any grouping could make for some fun questions!

and lastly.. obligatory ryomina because this is me we're talking about... ryoji has absolutely gone off script during some scenes. i could see him either referencing that one evangelion thing (i was born to meet you) or just turning it into a confession scene... LMAO.

okay that was. a LOT more thoughts than i thought i had, oops!! admittedly i have not thought about this au in FOREVER so it was nice to think about it again!!! i tried to make it a bit more balanced in terms of giving more than one character spotlight

thank you for the nice wishes anon- and i hope you enjoy the thoughts on p3 actor au! have a lovely day and take care 💗

[x3kristax3]

Was It Worth It?- Life Afterwards

A/N: this is life after I ended "Was If Worth It?" That was my first fan fic ever posted on here.

Chapter 1

As I wake up in the queen size bed all alone it feels weird. It's been almost a year and a half since Jake and I got engaged. These months leading up to this day has been a whirlwind of emotions. 

I reached out to my parents and we talked on the phone for a while before they came to visit. Instantly they loved Jake and how we are together. Jake got my dad's blessing to marry me once he was a freeman. I was surprised he told them.

Then comes the trials of him becoming free. We were unsure if we were going to withstand that as Jake became very distance and closed off. He about broke my heart while I was planning our wedding. However, the night he became free he took me on the two hour drive to Colville and took me to a five star restaurant and booked us a suite in a super fancy hotel, letting us enjoy ourselves without any distractions. That night our love was on fire, that was six months ago today.

I'm laying in bed and I see my wedding dress hanging on the closet door and I smile. I sit up and my door swings open. Of course it's Jessy, Ashley, and Hannah as they spent the night. They plop on the bed next to me with some fruit and water. 

"Ugh, you know I need my coffee" I say, rolling my eyes.

"Yeah not happening today" says Ashely.

I grab my phone as I hear a text and it's from Jake.

Jake: Good morning my love. I can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together as husband and wife. I love you more and more everyday Krista.

Krista: Good morning. I can't wait for that as well and see you at the wedding and see that look on your face of pure love I see every morning. I hope you got some sleep as today is going to be a long day. Also no coffee for you as I'm not allowed it either 🥴

Jake: Neither of us will today. I'm not going to let your hand go once I can touch you.

A shiver runs down my spine as the next time we kiss we will be husband and wife. Jessy takes my phone from me.

"Okay enough of that, time to get ready" she says putting my phone in her robe pocket.

I lean against her "I got so lucky today" I say trying not to cry.

I hear my mom coming up the stairs " you girls coming? The lady is waiting for you all for hair and makeup." She says.

They leave and head downstairs. I look at my dress and the engagement ring and I couldn't be more happy. We enjoy the morning with girl time as we get ready.

We have the wedding at the park and as the car pulls up my nervousness hits me. My mom, dad, and Ashley stay back as the rest head out.

"Its okay sweetie, you know he adores you." Says my dad.

"I know, just after everything I've gone through I can't believe today is really here and happening." I say playing with my ring again.

Ashley grabs my hand "so these are good nerves. Don't leave that handsome man, who adores you, waiting for you" she says as she gets out as she's the maid of honor.

My mom gets out next and reaches her hand out. I decided I wanted them both to walk me to Jake. I get put and straighten out my dress. It's a simple flowy dress with an illusion back and sweetheart neckline.  It's fitted to my hips where the lace and floral detail start in a whimsical look. My hair is pinned back so to be out of my face minus some layers in the front as Jake loves to push them away. 

I take a deep breath as I hear the music for me start to play. He turns and looks at me and I see the tears in his eyes. Dan hands him something to wipe them away. He takes my breath away. He's wearing black dress pants, a white button down and a blue tie that brings out his eyes. I want nothing more then to run into his arms but my parents set the pace.

As we get to him, my mom sits down and my dad hands me to him. I stand there and can't help but smile at him while he's smiling at me. We go through all our vows, we had written them but we had to hand them off to be read by Ashley and Dan as we couldn't do it. He sees me crying during his and wipes the tears away not wanting to ruin my makeup.

We say our I dos and put the rings on each other. He lifts my veil and kisses me deeply and passionately. I melt into his body and as he pulls away he leans his head against mine. "Hello my beautiful wife" he says.

I shiver "hello, my handsome husband. Also you need to wear that tie more now I can't stop looking into your eyes" I say with a smile.

We walk back and head to the car.

We have the reception at the black swan and it's nothing short of amazing and fun. Lots of stolen kisses and our fingers interlocked as he promised.

[papirouge]

When I talk about radblr/rightblr fence sitters I mean people like missouriangothic. She was a really cynical person who loved targeting religious people once she got bored with being a conservative and thought being a lesbian meant she got a free pass to hate other women. And yes, she was very much pro abortion.

I reblogged down below a post exposing her antics and oh boi, Black people seem to have a whole condo in her head 💀

She apparently remade (missouriangynoid) but I can't access to her blog, so I either blocked her or she did, which I'd love to bc I like the idea of my blog being kryptonite to rightoids degens 🩵

Absolutely not surprised to see her mingle with other infamous rightoid degenerates like zh0re, thelastonewastaken, etc. Birds of the same feather....

It's fascinating how she and other anti Black will try to gass themselves as having credentials in Black culture criticism saying shit like "I've lived in Black neighbors" yeah you're still not Black. You'll never truly understand what it's like to be Black, our experience, perspective and cultural code. Precisely like men living along with women will never understand what it's like to be a women and speak over them. Funny how that works.

I live in France surrounded by White people and I'll NEVER have the audacity to speak over White people and condescendingly say what they should do to fix their social problems. The entitlement to do so is so pathologically White savior-ish, it's almost comical.

And it's obvious her questions was rhetorical and that she actually never bothered inquiring Black people about that. Black people didn't wait for a lousy White woman on Tumblr questions to take actions to improve the community... she's not the first nor the last idiot who thought she did something making those backhanded fake concern statement before her white audience.... Does she really think Black people don't actually know there's a violence/parenting problem in our community? like- who does she think she is? 💀

I already made post about White rehashing the false narrative of Blacks being the main attackers of Asians so I'll leave it there 🙃

(x)

See how these White rightoids pretend caring about Asians safety and pushing Black people under the bus for being (anti Asian) racists when they are the one championing hate crimes and are the second biggest Asian murderers (after Asian themselves)? 💀 It's all projection.

Those people LIE. They LIE because they want to shove a narrative. They are obsessed in shifting the blame towards others instead of facing their own violence and wrongdoings. I mean, there's a whole flock of White folks calling "crisis actor" White people being caught doing evil shit 🥴 They cannot grasp they aren't any morally better than anyone else, so they'll make up excuse to downplay their own evilness.

I think it's pretty rich from missouriangothic to blame the Blacks to make everything about them and derailing discussions to center their own struggle when WHITE PEOPE do that ALL👏🏾THE👏🏾TIME👏🏾

I mean how many times White men constantly move the goalpost to non White men whenever we talk about male violence? as if these non White men.... weren't men themselves??

Remember how White women S E E T H E D about the karen meme and deflected about "aKtcHualLy the MALE consumers are the worst so stop talking about racist White women using their white women tears to call on the police and get Black people into trouble!!!"?

But it's only a problem when Black people do it bc in a typical racist fashion they consider non White communities prioritizing themselves as a personal offense.¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

sorry but Black people asking why the BLM tagged disappeared when StopAsianHate was trending doesn't mean they want to silence Asians or any other tag trending that day. It's a known fact that Tumblr glitches and makes some hot topic disappear from the trending page so it wasn't an outlandish question. But she was too stupid & biased to remotely handle this possibly.

Seeking for more promotion for yourself is different from putting others under your thumb, and it's interesting how she and like minded people think it's the same thing because that's precisely how THEY function. That's why so many White (heterosexual) are mad at the sudden over visibility of minority in medias, because to them, 'others' uplifting themselves is ERASURE. When you come from a place of privilege, equality comes off as oppression. And since this resentfulness is too embarrassing to admit, you'll eventually argue that this privilege didn't even exist to begin with 🙃

Yeah becky, and a bunch of these Black people probably had to deal with racist Asians. But you guys love to act like racism Black/Asian race dynamic was one-sided somehow. The difference with you and your racist squad is that Black & Asians supporting each other don't use those negative experience to brush an entire race as irredeemable. Imagine being so TOXIC that you're foaming at the mouth to witness ppl from community that had their share of mutual grievance eventually come together for a greater good😐 Following her own logic, Black people should be questioned whenever they feel solidary with White people considering the well documented history of racism and oppression (that goes beyond dealing with racist trolls on a blog) from the White 🤔

But, yeah, Black people are the racists angry ones who refuse to assimilate & get over their struggle 🙃

Ah yes, so unquestionably minority classes that there are blue twitter users with "nigger" in their name handle, have the priviliege of having whole website dedicated to revel on dead Black dead bodies, that Black women are exposed to significantly more hate online to the point that freaking AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL is on the case, but yeaaaaa wE cAnt sAy anYtHiNg abOut bLack peOplE 🤪

The data shows Black women were 84 percent more likely than White women to be disproportionately targeted. One in ten tweets mentioning Black women was abusive or problematic, compared to one in 15 for White women. Women of color were 34 percent more likely to be targeted.

I also always said that beside public person & entertainment scene, the trans immunity totem wasn't a thing and that trans people were seen as a very niche and weird community by the average normie. Just the other day I was talking with colleagues about how ridiculous it was for men to ID as women and they all agreed with me. Being "trans critical" is pretty non controversial for regular people. That's far from being that taboo that will get you ostracized from society is you dare say anything bad about them.

And I'd go as far as to say that the anti trans thing can become a bankable grift considering the "no pedo tranny in schools" thing has become a popular meme and a quick way for ANTi grifters to make a place for themselves in the conservatives scene.

NO ONE IS UNQUESTIONABLE in 2023. But those people are hellbent playing the victim, when reality proves them wrong. That's how stupid they are, because none of them seemingly bothered asking for actual evidence for such claims. It's all about their feefees.

I mean, homegirl is complaining about being sIlenCed while she's spouting her nonsense out here. No one is oppressing her, it's just in her head.

[diodellet]

An opportunity to learn more about Dio’s sexy writing and preferences?? Don’t mind if I do 0wo

☁💢😎🤝💞 🗨

sexy writing u say? U FLATTER ME LODS 🤧🤧

cw: mentions of food, slight (but not detailed) discussion of dubcon ahead, also this post got long so im putting it under a keep reading (edit: SIKE)

☁️favorite fluff trope

i can't write it but i do like it when people lay out detailed cooking in fanfic, like seeing my fave characters working together in a kitchen? MM im now hungry for food And for love! (And generally the food as metaphor for love trope has a special place in my heart.)

++im not the best at visualizing so i also appreciate it when the author takes care to show the steps in preparation and to describe the food through smell or what ingredients it uses. the extra details are very very appreciated, sincerely a girlie whos mind eye doesn't work

++people should use the 'food as metaphor for love' to unapologetically project their culture's food! i think it's really neat and cool!

💢favorite dark trope

usghl darkfic... my forbidden lover.... seeing my bebelabs without the rose-tinted glasses of luving you....

i can't just pick one! favoritism is bad!! (*sideeyes the many flavors of dubcon* *sideeyes zombie/post-apocalypse au*) it's all good and painful for my heart delicious to read!

(my reasons for liking dubcon are simple: i just like it when the pleasure's mixed with something else /shrug/ ++ saying things is hard)

If I dig deep into my memories, there are these 2 post-apocalypse AU fanfics (both are above 100k words and i followed one of them while it was still being written. /that/ was an ordeal i would be willing to go through again if i wasn't being hounded by irl deadlines🥴🥴). i just think that fluff and domesticity hit harder when the characters constantly have to overcome the trials of surviving in a hostile environment. whether they create a found family or eventually die out never finding sanctuary, i think the long agonizing journey they took is still worth it.

😎favorite character trope

haha what are you talking about👀👀 i-i dont have a favorite character type wh-who told you that--

ALEXA PLAY BAD BOY BY RED VELVET AND THEN AFTER THAT PLAY RBB CAN YOU GUESS MY FAVORITE CHARACTER? IS MY TYPE OBVIOUS NOW? NO? I STILL HAVE TO EXPLAIN? RAAAGGHHH *nasagasaan*

in all my open-mindedness, i cannot seem to pin down my favorite characters to a single trope. Because there are too many that i like. BUT the standouts seem to include:

Emotionally-constipated/repressed but In Need Of A Friend

Extremely angsty backstory that led to them developing a tough unshakable facade

GNC appearance (either or both masc and fem?? OR NEITHER, LIKE JUST ANDROGYNOUS?? I LOVE💕💕)

tl;dr: GAP MOE IS A MUST!!!

i need the duality, for science

🤝favorite platonic trope

you will see a trend of indecision and choice paralysis

Hmm, as of late I think I've been reading stuff with a lot of insomnia tropes. so stuff like wandering around at 2am, sitting on the rooftop, stargazing or waiting for sunrise, having pointless meandering rambly conversations (bonus points if they get existential or philosophical), midnight cooking!!!

It's just nice to read about characters baring their souls under the moonlight, without any hesitations. (and how dare i bring romance to a question about platonic love but) to me, a conversation held in the hours between 11 pm to 6 am can sometimes be more profound than slowly building up to a first kiss.

💞favorite romantic trope

ok never mind i lied the indecision was a lie

GIMME ALL THE PHYSICAL TOUCHIES!!

please and thank you 😇🙏

excessive handholding? complete trust in each other to the point of closing their (perceived social) distances? unprompted hugging?? UNPROMPTED TACKLE HUGGING?? C-COUPLED WITH SPINNING AROUND WHILE LAUGHING AND ENDING WITH THE CHARACS PRESSING THEIR FOREHEADS TOGETHER??

(cue me in the corner shaking biting my fist while on the verge of tears)

i like reading about characters being so utterly smitten with each other they're basically glued to the hip. its so gooey and cheesy and sweet and it makes my heart //yearn// it's kinda funny since the lockdown fucked with my sense of personal space, but i can't stop myself from writing a copious amount of physical touch in my fics.

🗨what's a favorite trope you'd like to write [character] in?

(let's go with jamil bcs he's been starring in All my maladaptive daydreams recently)

i wanna write.... band au for jamil but before i can do that i. need to research on bass players. like bass guitar players. listen to me, LISTEN— (imagine im shaking u by the shouldsrs) BECAUSE IT SUITS HIM. SYMBOLICALLY OR CHARACTERILLY OR SUMN

(the bassline of a song is borderline invisible, but when it's gone it just makes the entire thing fall flat. Kinda like how jamil just holds a lotta things together but STILL keeps a low profile. Also bass solos are literal bops, usually they get Shit parts along with drummers bcs a lot of pop music is generic formulaic earworm-derogatory LSS TRASH but Also Also bassists are sexy—*nasagasaan nanaman*)

send me an emoji: writing wishes asks

[zgvlt]

OMG, is it Ruggie fic coming?!😳😳😳 jvaloshdmduxvxkwpgdbso Woah~~~Can't wait to read(*/ω＼*) patience, I need patience, I must be patient ...Anyway, Ruggie strikes me as the type that usually call his s/o by name, but when he teases, nicknames just come naturally😂

For now, I think of

1)"kitty"/"Silly cat"/"Little kitten" (which I think he did refer Yuu/Grim that once, in book 5???)

2) "My prey" (one he's not going to let go off, ever. Hyenas are really possessive lol )

3)Dear/Sweet/Honey (Very cliché, I know🙈, but he seems like the type that would say these to tease if somewhat the siruation calls for it)

[Extra unimportant notes:I luv scenarios of "A random person is nearby s/o, then a jealous Ruggie hangs an arm over his/her/their shoulder, saying sth along the lines of "He/She/They're my prey (or somone I'm eyeing for), shoo shoo" with an underlying tone of menace and eyes threatening despite his laid back smile... Hahahahahaha, sry not sry for my sudden Ruggie rot dump o(*///▽///*)q o(*///▽///*)q o(*///▽///*)q ]

🃏anon

[ referring to this post where i asked for people's opinions again ]

hello!! thank you for the suggestions! i honestly like jealousy for ruggie too,,, no comment but you will see 🤫

nopee ruggie isn't the next one... probs, but he'll probably be soon, around the first half of next month i'm hoping. trey is probably going to be next (trey again??? yes again 🥴) and either leona -> ruggie or ruggie -> leona. i wanted to finish my trey WIP for his birthday today but i don't think i'll make it on time 😪 oopsie. trey is next if i get motivated to write for his birthday, otherwise it's leona or ruggie

[rrxnjun]

stress is deff a bitch but i feel like me and stress are the same now so🤡🤡

it's the 20th of august🤭 nooo that's a bit sad that u couldn't add urs but ur still a king for adding three birthdays in there🫡

WELL I HOPE THAT WONT HAPPEN AGAIN!!🤣 whaaattt that's such a long time oh my but the fact that u still had it is jaw dropping tbh

i don't understand why middle aged women have to be so rude sometimes☹️ wait i completely forgot that accents exist oh my god now thats even worse🥲 YEYY U SHOULD ARANGE ONE IN OCTOBER AS WELL COME TO THE 5SOS SHOW WITH ME/j (i'm heartbroken i have no one to go with so i probably can't attend) (i hope this doesn't break ur heart more cuz i saw ur posts about them sorry if it does☹️☹️hope i didn't cross a line with this joke☹️)

NOT TELLING ANYONE🫢 i look up to u for that cuz i'm still pretty much unable to do i suck💔 SO TRUE THE BEST DESCRIPTION I HEARD OF THEM JUST SOME GUYS!! i was so sad when yedam and mashiho left and i understand the soft spot he is such a lovely guy🥹 being a treasure stan is fun and a heartbreak but glad u admit now that ur a teume 🥲😌 ofc ofc we are sharing😵‍💫 HE IS SUCH A MENACE AND ITS SO FUNNY tbh he was the reason why i came back to tumblr cuz i wanted to see more content and things about him then i ran into the same problem as u that there are not that many writers in the fandom here tbh (or i just can't find them)💔 (sooo if u end up writing something for jihoon i will be waiting🫣)

IT SHOULDNT BREAK UR HEART IM SORRY IT WAS A CRY IN A POSITIVE WAY!!! i think it just means u portray emotions well (?) cuz every time there is a good sad scene in movies or books i just have to fight the tears back even when i was in a good mood before💔 AND THANK U FOR BEING AN AMAZING WRITER AND JUST BEING LOVELY AND READING MY LONG ASS REPLIES LMAO U ARE JUST TOO NICE OF A PERSON💖💕💝 (liebestraum anon💕)

omg 20th august is such a good bday to have im noting it down!!! 😌😌

IT IS the fic was originally supposed to be a part of collab but the writer deactivated and cancelled it but when i asked if i can keep the idea they were ok with it!! so yeah hopefully one day 💓

LOOK lets go to the concert together 😭😭 im like,, half serious and half joking 😭😭😭 i keep telling my mum about it and like the bus tickets to budapest are only 7€ and then i can find a cheap hotel and shit and i have money saved for the tickets 😭😭😭 like. budapest is objectively the closest stop to me ((even tho im still salty there is no vienna then i would go for sure) and i wanted to visit anyway 😌 but my mum doesnt wanna go w me and my dad doesnt either and i have no friends that would wanna go w me either and i am not allowed to go alone so. theres that 😭😭 i dont think ill get to go tbh im still kinda heartbroken but oh well its not the first time :// if i didnt live in such a shitty ass place this would all be easier 😭

girl i think its a miracle tbh but i got the names down. thanking my hyperfixation tendencies 💓💓💓 when i saw it i was so shocked tbh and now i keep getting sad mashidam edits on my tiktok fp and living through the pain LMAO. GIRL my crush on jihoon is getting out of control like genuinely what the fuck is happening to me- WHY IS TEUMEBLR SO DRY THO WHERE ARE THE FICS ??? i found like 3 fics and the rest are like 2 years old headcanon posts its such a struggle 😭😭 do i really have to do everything myself on this site.... (dont feed my delusions but give it a few months and if i dont fall out of them i can see myself creating a seperate treasure blog.....got a jihoon drabble idea the other day but. i will contain myself. so far he's the new main side character of the mark fic im writing 🥴)

awh you are too sweet 😭😭😭😭 thank u so so much !!!! this means the whole world to me 💓 once again was happy to hear from u, hope youre doing well ily xx