#And they break up... And everyone's talking about Larry... And jokes are made etc etc

[theirloveisgross]

wait wdym chicago it's about hannah? 👀

oh, that's just my theory, anon. and i believe a few other people's as well.

it just makes so much sense to me, with all we knew about them back then. and i believe we don't know anything about hannah in recent years... so, who knows where she is, how she's doing, etc etc.

louis has also said it's about someone (duh), and when he played the album for jojowright everyone was like 'omg who's this about?' but obviously he wasn't gonna say.

now, naming it chicago... that's classic louis behavior. he knew EVERYONE was gonna focus on the city AND make the connection to danielle, etc etc. i mean, hannah could be living in chicago for all we know, tbh.

just- really listen to the lyrics and think about their relationship. to me the line about knowing someone's number is one of the biggest clues... because back then you knew people's numbers by memory. sure, there were cellphones that stored contacts and stuff already, but- you had to be there, hajshajs. i still remember a few phone numbers that no longer work... and louis is only 2.5 years younger than me, so...

alright, this was meant to be a short answer... but i got carried away. i love this song a lot, and in this context it gives me so much warmth too. they did love each other... they were, like, best friends! but... IT JUST WASN'T MEANT TO BEEEEEEEEEE.

because gay.

[feckin-zicons]

that's why i hate larries, i hate them with all my heart. besides being boring they are hypocrites 🙄

Hey nonnie, sorry its taken me so long to reply but if you’re following me you know I’ve been travelling lately and have been more scatterbrained than usual. Not that I’m ever not scatterbrained, but its been just a little crazier than usual!

Now I wouldn’t go as far to say I hate Larries. After all their delusions can be pretty funny sometimes!

Joking aside, I don’t hate Larries, I love Larries, I’m a Larry, so I really hesitate to tarry the whole group with the same brush. However I do strongly agree with you that there are those who are complete hypocrites. Nothing annoys more more than when Larries ™ treat the other boys, other celebrities, their friends and even family as one more side character to the Larry Show.

In particular when Larries ™ flood comment sections asking or in some cases, ordering people to confirm rumors/the couple being together. The absolute fucking disrespect. Not just because they’re flooding comment sections in videos streams, tweets, what have you, that sometimes have nothing to do with the couple in question, but because its presumptuous and rude as fuck to think they’re owed a coming out- just because they’re fans of the boys.

Stop it. Thats fucking ugly as hell.

While I have no doubt all the boys will one day be out (as referenced by their continued efforts in fighting the closet. I don’t get the sense the boys will just stop at being freed from their contractual obligations). It should and will be on their own terms. Provided they’re not forcibly outed some other way.

Coming out is a deeply personal experience and no one, no one ever, has the right to out someone else. I’ll never not be absolutely furious at the Larries ™ who posted about having ‘receipts’ that would out the boys. Which… tbh weren’t receipts at all but thats a whole other story. I’m also still angry at the reactions after Liams Attitude spread that wouldn’t have been as bad if not for the entitled fandom that peddled ridiculous claims beforehand about Liam confirming Larry to be real.

I mean… What the actual fuck. Setting aside the fandom experience of the time, and boy was it an experience. What right would Liam have confirming Louis and Harry’s relationship? I mean, get some perspective? It doesn’t help that a lot of fandom adults were the ones coming up with, and reblogging those theories and the younger fans ate it up. It would have made more sense for Louis and Harry to do it but idk maybe I’m still out of touch for thinking so. I mean, it felt like every other week someone was talking about Larry coming out. It was such a shit storm oh my god.

Biggest issue I still have with them is that the entitled behaviour hasn’t stopped. For some it seems like, Larry coming out is it for them. Like pack it up, goodbye, shows over, Louis and Harry are gay and in a relationship and everything is rainbows, we get to see cute pictures of them and everyone lives happily ever after.

Yeah, no. Coming out, for anyone, is just the beginning, can’t even begin to imagine what its like for them. They’re still going to need everyones support, and it irritates me that for some fans it seems so fucking conditional.

Time and time again, I’ve seen tweets, and posts, and videos, whatever, going on about Larry coming out and it reads like a fucking wattpad story. Not just that but its always on the assumption by the poster, on the off chance they consider the other 3/5ths of the band and Ziam being a possibility, that Larry will come out first?

What?

I’m sorry but, what?

Everything I’ve seen from the boys tells me they’re all in this together, they support each other and are working through the bullshit as a team. We have all seen the No Judgement music video yes? The merch, posts, double speak etc referencing each other, yes?

I mean, I suppose if you only look at Louis and Harry, like so many do, sure. Only Larry matters, everyone else is a side character in their life.

(Lemme just, scream for a second).

However, that kind of thinking leads them to the wrong conclusions. Like… assuming the SBB/RBB countdown was attributed to nothing, when it counted down to Liam finally being free of Sophia. In the years since, I’ve seen Larries ™ backtrack on claiming the bears had anything to do with the boys, that they weren’t behind it at all, or that they were just trolling the fandom.

You know, despite all the proof otherwise, and some really, really good posts breaking down clues about what the boys were trying to tell us. The moment something might not actually be about Louis and Harry its like all their thinking shuts off. Its frustrating. Really fucking frustrating.

Seriously, fans of the other boys as individulas, not just Ziams, have been talking about the stunts too and how they fit together. Its why we tend to be right, because we’re considering the entire group. They’re still a group. They’re not free until all of them are free.

Just for that Nialls coming out first. Lmao. I’ll call it now. Lets go Niall, whens the baby coming. We all wanna know. Its been years.

Imagine, imagine! Acting like coming out is some race to be won. The fucking audacity.

Go outside and touch fucking grass you absoulte ninny.

I get it, you want to be vindicated, you want to be rewarded for putting your faith in two celebrities being together.

Newsflash you dandelionfluff, its not a race, Louis and Harry coming out isn’t a fucking prize. Thats not what supporting a relationship looks like.

Its worse when someone admits they don’t know much about Ziam or the possibility of Niall being LGBT+, and claim they’re open to it, but then immediately tweet or reblog or sub tweet or tag comment a post or answer an ask from another Larry ™ talking about how Larries ™ are the most marginalized and persecuted group.

???

In what fucking world?

IN WHAT FUCKING WORLD?

If we wanna play that game, boohoo, the media claims Louis and Harry aren’t friends anymore because of crazy shippers. Meanwhile Zayn publicly isn’t friend with anyone and “left” the band… despite the Ziam fandom calling the stunt about either Louis or Zayn “leaving” and getting it down to the exact week (the second article coming out a week before about the Ziam kiss pretty much cemented it for Zayn leaving. Which did a lot to fan the flames of the already rabid fanbase when Ziam got two articles confirming a Ziam kiss over the years and Larry got nada. Like that actually means anything).

Not to mention Larries ™ using the hetties and management tactics against the other parts of the fandom to silence them.

Who cares what the media says anyway!  TPTB, 1DHQ, The Sun, The Mirror, Simon and his minions and their unpaid interns have used the media to split the fandom apart and it worked.

Who the fuck cares if the media calls the 1D stans delusional, you know the truth! The truth it out there and you’ve seen it! The truth is coming! Who gives a damn about what some two bit “journo” who failed out of their creative writing course writes? They get worse by the year. If it wasn’t so pathetic and hilarious I might actually feel embarrassed for them. They can’t even come up with new stories and have just taken to copying old articles, but you’re upset with them??? Give it a rest. Honestly.

The sense of disconnect, entitlement and victimhood of some Larries ™ is absolutely ridiculous.

Oh my god they’re Karens. I’m not trying to be insulting, but thats exactly who they remind me of.

I’m not going to say its a surprise to me that so many in the Ziam fandom are POC, LGBT+, and Neurodivergent and any combination of those, but I am going to say I’ve read a lot of Larry fics that just have Het sex made gay. Those in the Ziam fandom just tend to look at facts in a different way than Larries do due to their life experiences. A interfaith, interracial, relationship where one or both partners fall under the Bi umbrella (not saying Louis or Harry can’t be or aren’t Bi+ but rumors, and the way the fandom markets them, puts them firmly in the gay category) looks very, very different than gay or straight relationship. Both looking from outside and being in one. There’s just different dynamics at play that aren’t often realized or understood by the gays and hets.

Its not a bad thing. All relationships are different. The issue is that theres a lot of biphobia/racism/religious prejudice etc that arises from people being unwilling to understand the inherent differences.

Taking myself for example, I’m bi, like, bi as hell, and I don’t understand how gays and hets only like one gender. I just don’t. Can’t wrap my head around it. If someone asks me to choose one gender over the others to prefer I can’t. Its so stressful. My brain goes into panic mode and it feels like I’m being torn apart. My sense of identity is shaken- its a shit feeling. I just can’t lie to myself like that. If other people feel the same well, its no wonder bi+ have such high rates of depression and suicide. Its not about choosing who to like, there is no choice, I just feel attraction to everyone. Aces, I get. Its similar to being the opposite of what I feel, or not feeling an attraction to someone I’m not interested in. Easy. Gays and hets? I’m completely lost on.

Completely, and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way. But that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to try and understand where they’re coming from. Its alien to me, personally, but I’m not going to shut down the fact, that theres a fuck ton of people who only like one gender or try and make up reasons as to why they’re actually bi+

I digress, none of the boys fall neatly into the gay stereotypes, its just that parts of the Larry fandom have boxed Louis and Harry into certain roles to fit preconceived notions (likely do to them initially fitting in better with the white, sassy, somewhat effeminate twink thats been plastered all over Hollywood as their “LGBT+ representation” for years. Gag), they can understand better, and only look for proof to back up their theories but don’t look at things objectively.

They really need to get out more and make some LGBT+ friends that aren’t on the internet and talk to some gay elders. They need educating that’s not the often sanitized and insulting Hollywood version, that’s all I’m saying.

They made Louis and Harry more palatable for themselves and its… really gross.

I don’t know, I don’t get it.

Some Larries ™ turned the boys into their fandom and fanfiction stereotypes when they’re so much more than that. The Sony leaks should have been enough to dissuade the fandom, and prove that the brand sold to the broader audience is just that- a brand, and yet… Niall only talks about food and golf and Ireland and is only allowed to be straight or ace. If he exists at all its just to be Capt Niall. Liams slow and dumb and depending on the day he’s either Capt Liam or a horrific abusive homophobe. Zayns just The Worst, a unstable drug addict, and the boys hate each other, and they should have kicked him out of the band sooner because he never wanted to be part of them anyway, etc.

It drives me absolutely around the bend some days. They’re real people who don’t owe anyone anything, especially not coming out.

Yes, I think they will. But they’re not obligated to. They can change their minds, I’ll support them regardless of an “official” coming out or not.

Look, a part of me gets it. They wanna be right, they wanna prove the haters wrong, they want to be able to say I called it all along! The vindication will be sweet.

But like, it takes a quick look at someone other than Louis and Harry to realize theres something hinky going on with Liam, Zayn and Niall. Please listen to their fans who have spent just as much time as you have looking into Louis and Harry compiling together evidence.

It might take a weekend to watch the ILYSM and pterodactyl bros videos and a few more hours looking into some Niall blogs, which isn’t much compared to the hours I know they’ve spent looking into Larry. At least then they’ll have enough information to form an opinion on things.

I wonder, for some, what would happen if Larry didn’t come out, or didn’t come out first, or one of the other boys was outed against their will. Because… I don’t know. It seems like some would rather just be proven right at this point.

I get it. We’re tired. Its been eleven long years. But this isn’t a television show were everything can come to a head with a s3 or s4 cliff hanger and fixed in the series finale. Its real life, and they started off as boys trusting industry veterans who never had their best interests at heart.

Iduno. I just want some Larries ™ to take a step out of the echo chamber, realize life isn’t The Larry Show & co. And especially. ESPECIALLY, that every instance were someone, friends, family, co-works, industry peeps etc support the boys they are SUPPORTING THE BOYS, NOT THE FANDOM. They are not “confirming Larry for the fans” they’re doing it to support the couple, not to cater to the fandom. Please stop confusing the two. There’s a huge fucking difference. Learn it.

[msbeccieboo]

Arrow 8x01 Brain Dump

So that was....awesome! I’m in shock! Obviously there was a gaping chasm where our precious cupcake used to be, but that’s gonna be the new normal for this last run, so I’m gonna try to not dwell on that too much in these last few reviews. And apparently these aren’t getting any shorter, even without Felicity...

Oliver Jonas Queen: Paragon and bestest hero everrrr (suck it, Larry)

Our beautiful boy 😭😭😭 kicking the episode off with stunning recreations of the very beginnings of the show, first on Lian Yu, then returning to Moira was just *chef kiss*. 

That Oliver is now able to relive these moments, really feeling the feelings and speaking the words that he was previously too broken to, upon his real return from the island, and expressing them to both himself and to those people he can no longer see in his reality, is just heart-breaking and tear-inducing and beautiful and satisfying and all of the feelings. He worked his arse of to get here and to experience it and he fucking well deserves it. Ugh I just made myself cry haha. 

More under the cut...

Stephen’s acting was a beautiful thing to watch in this episode. Oliver’s scenes with all the returning guests were just so perfect; his emotions over seeing Tommy and Moira again 😭, then not-Felicity 😍💔 then Adrian 😂 were all perfect. The scene where he was trying to seek advice or validation from Moira over leaving his family for this mission (even though he couldn’t reveal why) was just heart-breaking. Then when he breaks down (along with us!) and tells Moira he’s sorry, it’s almost like he’s doubly apologising; to Moira for not better understanding her, now that he is a parent himself, and to Felicity, William and Mia, for having to leave them behind.

It was so sad seeing Oliver doubting himself throughout the episode. He tells Diggle that Earth 2 has so many more people alive without him having been there, and then when Moira astutely observes that he is a better man now than before he went on the Gambit, he replies he’s not so sure. How can he still not see this yet?? He’s clearly been away from Felicity for too long! By the end of the episode he seems to be making some headway, at least in realising that he doesn’t need to face this crisis alone, when he delivers an EPIC SPEECH to Tommy “because were only as good as the people in our lives. Every one of those losses brings with it a choice between darkness and light. Make the right choice.” YES MY BOY!!!  I’m totally here for this whole season of Oliver going to other Earths, realising how awesome he is, then imparting this wisdom on everyone by delivering rousing speeches!! The Monitor said it himself in his voice-over, referring to Oliver “the highest [form of heroes] belong to those known as the paragons and they are the only hope of all creation.” YAAAASSSSS!!!! SUCK BALLS LARRY AND LARA!!!

Felicity/Olicity

Just because she’s not there, doesn’t mean she’ll be forgotten! I’m honestly so pleased that the show isn’t going to pretend Felicity doesn’t exist just because Emily left. Her absence is palpable, so the mentions and nods to her character throughout the episode (and the rest of the season, it seems) are very much welcomed!

The fake-out Felicity scene was beautifully done! From Oliver’s initially excited face and “it’s supposed to be red” 😭😭, his “good for her” when he found out that E2 Felicity is a badass mogul, to the OLICITY LOVE FERN on not-Felicity’s desk!!! Perfection!! 

Source: eloquence-of-felicities

Ugh and the scene with Oliver staring lovingly at Felicity and Mia’s photo...HFDSKGHFKJGHDSFKS NOT OK!!! 😭😭😭😭

Source: olicitygifs

Diggle

The Diggle ‘reveal’ was nostalgic perfection:

My live reaction 😂😂

Can I just say that I loved that he’d spoken with Felicity about Oliver, and gone after him. OTA for life!! I’d hoped that that would be the case, but you never can tell with these writers in recent seasons 😬 Dig is a master at advice-giving, and getting Oliver to see the big picture. Oliver needs a friend in this endeavour, and neither Felicity nor Dig would have him doing it alone. Dig’s purpose throughout the whole episode was pretty much to tell Oliver that he’s not alone, his death is not necessarily unavoidable, that he NEEDS TO ACCEPT FRACKING HELP (”that’s the thing about being brothers; you never, ever have to ask”😭😭), and that the whole reason that E2 has gone to crap was because Oliver was not there to protect it! 

In John Thomas Diggle we stan.  

FTA

Our FTA babies were back, and in the lair!! AHKASFHDSDAKF!!!  I loved the power struggle, with the team trying to find the right dynamic, before finally deciding to just make the Olicity baby the leader (duh), or moreover, Mia demanding that things be done her way from now on (apples, falling, tree?). 

Source: oliverxfelicity

William’s little comedic moments just popped. 

Source: olicitygifs

And then his delivery of a Felicity-worthy pep-talk to Mia had me falling infinitesimally more in love with him. This is the spin-off team we need to see!!

We finally met JJ Diggle who appears to be irredeemably (not likely) evil, and very handsome to boot, leading the Deathstroke Crew (baby Sara would have NEVER 😒😒). I was hoping for some Old Man Diggle, but alas we were not so lucky this week.  Much as I actually LOVE the flash-forwards, I did feel like they were a little shoehorned in in this episode. There was so much to unpack in the present story, that I kind of just wanted that to continue? 

Special Guests

From Moira’s first words I was crying.

Susanna Thompson continues to be outstanding as Moira, I love her! E2 Moira married Malcolm Merlyn, meaning we got John Barrowman back 😍😍, in a non-evil role (YAAASSSS!). Although there was no mention of Robert, given that we know on this Earth he returned from Lian Yu, and was later unmasked as the Green Arrow?? Anyway, this new Queen-Merlyn union officially made Oliver and Tommy brothers 😭😭 Oh btw.....TOOOOOMMMYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! AGSHAGFKJSAGFJKAG!!! Back, alive and kicking (literally) and gorgeous as ever. Ugh I just adore my Merlyn men 😍😍😍😍

Source: feilcityqueen

Tommy turning out to be the Dark Archer on this earth is all we had ever wanted to see!! Evil!Tommy is a thing of beautiful fanfiction dreams!! (I also lolled at the OTT, campy, cowering Malcolm, as Oliver realised it wasn’t him!) Not to mention this scene, that re-lit our Toliver flames in the most perfect way 🔥🔥

This moment was so good that I can just about forgive Oliver’s historically inaccurate non-shirtless state 😒😒 (strike 1)

In trying to track down the dwarf star shizzle at Queen-Merlyn Enterprises👀 , Oliver stumbles across the E2 GA who turns out to be ADRIAN CHASE!!  YAAASSSS!!!! It was great to have him back, in the growly S1 Oliver-esque fashion! E2 GA also enjoys the salmon ladder....Stephen really played us all when he told us that we’d see the salmon ladder in episode 1 😡😡 (strike 2 Steve, you’re on your last warning!) I loved Oliver’s little inside joke with himself when he said to Adrian “maybe I’m just 10 steps ahead of you” lolololol!!

Thea OD’d on Vertigo and passed away on E2, which was sad, but meaningful, as it spear-headed Tommy’s war on The Glades, much like Rebecca’s murder did for Malcolm on Earth 1. (Psst, it’s ok though, our Speedy’s back in a few weeks).

Superfluous Cast

Rene and Dinah remain disloyal rats on this Earth, and with no Oliver to mentor them, they turn out evil as well as incompetent and we got to see them taken into custody at the end of the episode...wah-wah-wahhh!! I would definitely be happy with this nice small amount of relevance/screen time for them moving forwards, please and thank you. Let’s let our boys shine for the last few outings!

Black Siren’s presence in the episode was thankfully small, and although she was saved in the end, presumably to go on to help Oliver and Dig (she kinda owes them now), I’m hoping that we continue with this minimal exposure, because, as much as I enjoyed her last season, with no Felicity to make her likeable, I’m not feeling her. I also laughed for a disproportionately long amount of time that her ‘iconic’ Pretty Bird moment that we all heard about beforehand came from Adrian, not her ‘Ollie’ 😂😂

That ending

Following on from the press previews and interviews leading up to the episode, there were comments along the lines of Oliver suffering a devastating loss, and that the Arrowverse would never be the same etc etc, regarding the end of the episode. Well...I have to say I just wasn’t as ‘shooketh’ or as moved by the ending as the previews implied I would be 😬 I mean of course the ending was awful; a whole Earth was erased, and Oliver having to see Moira/Tommy die at the end (especially after managing to redeem Tommy) must have been devastating for him in the moment, but the thing is, I’m not all that invested in Earth 2, so the magnitude of it didn’t really affect me that much. Maybe I’m just a cold-hearted bitch my heart has simply been irrevocably broken by 7x22. Anyway, I’m sure Oliver will be back and fighting fit again next week 😂

When MG, Beth and even Stephen had been throwing around the dreaded term ‘love letter to the fans’ I was more than scared about this season 😬 but the episode really did play out that way in my eyes, something I’m hoping that they are able to continue over the few remaining episodes. So yes, I lost my shit and (begrudgingly) loved this episode 😂😂 It was easier to deal with the lack of Felicity when they had thrown the (brand new, super high-spec) kitchen sink of guest stars at the episode. So it will be interesting to see how we fare over the next few episodes, where the guest stars won’t be such scene-stealers.

Thank you to the amazing gif-makers 💗💗💗 It’s so wonderful to see beautiful new scenes again! Any uncredited gifs are mine.

[queensgaybeach1d]

Hello angel. I just wanted to say that after the article... I'm kinda confused about Larry... Larry has been my one true belief for years now. In fact... Louis and Harry are the ones who made me comfortable enough with my sexuality to come out. But... Harry speaks about his ex girlfriend and.... idk I don't want to... disrespect him or invalidate him (though I know that my judgement means absolutely nothing to him. Why should it?) By insisting that Larry is real when rn it just seems like it's..

2: ... so far from the truth. I'm in a weird head space right now.. god they should have clarified it. If it wasn't real, they should have just said so! Fuck. Okay. That came out wrong. I understand that they owe us nothing, they have no obligations towards us. That's alright. That's how it should be. I'm rambling dumb shit right now. Idk. It doesn't seem like he's very into one person? He just seems to be out there enjoying the company of beautiful people, being lovely, and living his best life?

3: once again, I just don't want to assume anything about what his life is like cuz it's none of my business. I just.. don't know. I'm overwhelmed with something I'm unable to put into words right now. I think I'll take a break from the fandom. I'm exhausted. Everything is a mindfuck. It's not, if you just believe everything you're SUPPOSED to believe. But... I can't? I don't know. Saying that Larry isn't real feels strange cuz what if it is? Saying that it is feels strange cuz what if it's not?

4: Talking about Larry in general feels stupid.. cuz he contains multitudes. And... man I don't know. I'm feeling very very weird right now. The story of his ex gf with the slippers fucked me up and broke my heart somehow? Goddamn I am pathetic L O L. I'll just excuse myself now. Lmao if he saw this whole rant, he'd probably laugh and think I'm pathetic. But hey! Where's the lie.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi my beloved,

First, it truly warms my old heart that 1D made you feel comfortable with your sexuality and coming out. It is such a big step for a person to do so and you did it!! Congrats and it is amazing, you should be so proud of yourself!

Love, the whole interview had one purpose: feeding Harry’s het fandom. They want to make it seem like he‘hates’ 1D and loves to be the sexualised rock N roll icon. I made a post about Hamille and a small debunk:

 https://queensgaybeach1d.tumblr.com/post/187308257569/hey-love-how-are-you-doing-just-curious-because

and 

I absolutely think Harry think about what his fans have to say. He does not take the hate comment to heart and he should not ever do that. Harry does listen to the people who truly care about him and are nice. 

Louis and Harry would have told us if it was not real. It is a simple ‘’NO’’ something Louis and Harry can both do when they deny being engaged to someone or when they deny a relationship. It’s easy, and if it ‘bothers’ them so much why not deny it. Then everyone will stop, perhaps they should stop getting matching tattoos, write obvious songs about each other and give each other heart eyes each time. Maybe they should even try to bring each other up in interviews a bit more, since it seems like they are hiding. You are right when you say they do not owe us anything, but they out themselves and that is why we are here, love. 

I think when you say that Harry does not seem like a person who is in love with one person, you are mistaking him. Do not worry, I think people mistake Harry’s kindness for flirting. When he smiles, he gets dimples and he stares into your eyes with his green ones. People easily mistake that for flirting. Harry is a joyful, happy, quirky and energetic person with everyone who he is comfortable with. For example; James Cordon, Mabel, Mitch, Millie Bobbie Browns mother, Niall Horan, Nick Grimshaw and the Dunkrik cast. He acts very different when it comes to Louis. Harry jokes around with people and you might think that is flirting too, but it is not, love. Harry acts like that with everyone he is comfortable with. He clearly acts different when it comes to Louis. Louis makes him feel all mushy and soft inside. He stares at him and needs to touch him anytime. He is jealous, overprotective and real flirty to Louis. As for him being happy outside 1D, he is that way. He is always bubbly, and sweet. 

Honey, because you are a larrie does absolutely NOT mean that you are SUPPOSED to believe everything most Larries think. As long as you do not buys the stunts or believe one of them fell in love with their beard etc, you’re okay. For example, I believe they took multiple breaks (not an official break up) and got together again. I also believe Louis is super comfortable with his sexuality, whereas a lot of people think he is the one who is scared. You should believe in Larrie, but do not be someone you are actually not. Then, it will go wrong. It looks like you are stuck somewhere in the middle, if there is any way I can help you with that, do not hesitate to tell me ;)

You are not pathetic, love. The slipper story is just like Haylor and their paper airplane necklace. They use it to show it as a sign of their fake relationship. That is how they make fans believe they are real. They always make sure everyone sees it, it is for publicity. They put it in a place in which you can see it. 

Oh, and Harry is not someone to laugh at people is he? ;)

If you feel like you need to take a break from this fandom, go ahead we will wait for you and it is okay. You do not need to get stressed for something like this. You can always ask me questions and other larries. Do not exhaust yourself because of this. Relax, take some time off and do not let it get toxic. Thank you so much for your question, love. It was amazing to talk to you, I mean it!! X

[borderlandscast]

what happens when you let a bunch of vault hunters loose in digart (aka, virtual reality minecraft)

vox downloaded the game at the request of panda, who needed to prove to teep that the game has undergone massive updates and is now capable of supporting custom mods and excessive cheating.

within an hour, the two broke the server from spawning far too many bosses so that they could do a nonstop boss rush and update teep’s achievements.

vox rebooted the server and put a restriction on the amount of bosses that could be spawned in a single world and space.

this didn’t stop panda and teep from making pocket dimensions and fighting the bosses one by one, making the game lag horribly, and vox gave up on stopping them because they kept finding loopholes.

this leads into vox making their own avatar and joining the two on their never-ending quest to subjugate each world. if they can’t stop them, then join them.

panda and teep generally explore brand new worlds, and are usually the first to chart said worlds since they cheated in all their equipment and skills. vox shrugged and let it happen so they could explore with them faster. the two rock up into town to drop off maps, loot and materials before heading off again. they’re considered founding figures.

honeydew joins (from the grass room) to put down his roots, and begins a miniature spawn hub town. he names it ‘digfarts’ and it becomes a permanent fixture on the server. he’s the mayor thanks to self voting.

curious about why honeydew is spending so much time in the grass room instead of making them coffee, xephos logs in and begins a bee factory on the outskirts of digfarts. they accidentally breed a type of extreme killer bee which kills players and has to be confined in a massive sphere. otherwise, the bees produce honey, beeswax and other assorted products used in the market, magic or as trading.

players who break the rules are subjected to the ‘bee farts’ (xephos was against the naming but honeydew won by majority vote). the bees cause hallucinations, tingles and the heebee jeebies. remember that this is in vr. good, now wonder why nobody ever breaks the rules.

the bridge and frigate crews start a town market, and run their own supply chain and exploration crews. each of them have their own gangs, motifs and specialities. they’re all very into the game, and plan their shifts accordingly so they can log in.

daltos starts a cheese cult, ‘the cheesers’, monopolizing all production and selling of cheese. weirdly, he and his cult encourage the consumption of cheese. all registered, owned and named cows must pay a milk tax to the cult so that more cheese can be made. people who break this law have their whole house filled with cheese.

zylus and rythian become tower wizards. they look after the tainted zones and research magic; rythian eventually goes ‘insane’ and constantly needs guarding against the phantoms and weirdness that happens to him whenever he logs in. zylus can cast almost every single spell and is undefeated in pvp. his only weakness is ironically, cheese, thanks to shenanigans. touching cheese robs him of his powers. he has a deal with daltos so daltos doesn’t take advantage of this. in return, zylus has to buy weekly cheese from him or daltos will tell everyone and zylus has to reset to get a different weakness. and no, zylus hasn’t realised.

nanosounds and ravs become the ‘buff hooligans’ (a rejected nickname for the foursome ravs was previously involved in), and run around killing things for the wizards, people, and protect the wizards from themselves.

nilesy runs a cat museum. he collects anything cat related, and also cats. it took him two weeks to build the whole thing, and it’s always expanding. minecarts are needed to tour all fifteen sections. he also runs a fishing business.

hatfilms run an honest exploration and needs club (‘the thumb of truth’), and provide a lot of the fuel from oil, grease and energy deposits found all over the world. they have a contract with the cheesers, wizards, digfart’s mayor, etc. you name it, they’ll get it, for a price. the only thing they don’t traffic is bees. that’s...a sore topic for them. each of them specialise in certain areas, trott being the engineer, contractor and main cultist, alsmiffy in beasts, magic and tomfoolery and ross in materials and building. hollie is the ever patient receptionist of this venture.

will strife and parvis manufacture weapons, guns, somehow, and also, missile launchers. after accidentally nuking digfarts twice on two separate occasions, honeydew forces the two to put everything that could wipe the server into a secure and hidden vault. needless to say, strife installed an emergency backdoor, just in case the server ever needs to ensure a winning side. parvis is the key. he doesn’t know it.

zoeya and saberial logged in briefly to build an island as a monument to their eternal love. it has since become a protected zone for unicorns, neutral and friendly mobs. nobody is allowed to touch it or risk bee farts. the island is shaped like ravs the rooster. it’s also populated by special chickens. said chickens lay precious metals and materials. only a few parties have a permit gather the goods. there’s a real art to breeding the chickens; zoeya and saberial did not wisely pass this knowledge on to anyone. except for one person: arsenal.

chicken smuggling is a real crime in digfarts. the fine is a in-game week’s confinement in the bee fart sphere, plus a handwritten letter of apology to every single other player on the server for disappointing them and a pledge of loyalty to the poor chicken/s to protect them for life from any harm and neglect. killing a chicken results in a softban and a townwide funeral procession. killing multiple chickens is a permanent ban.

lalna and lalnable dabble in mad science, and for once, the two get along. they accidentally clone one another, forget to lock the doors and have to slaughter their runaway clones. the scene caused an investigation done by the thumb of truth and an official hearing. cloning isn’t against digfart’s laws, so lalna and lalnable clone everyone and preserve the bodies underground posed in entertaining dioramas. they charge five gold ingots for the tour, and a chest full of diamonds for a specific one to be constructed.

vox and their siblings build a giant monument to bebopvox. it goes as high as the sky and is perfectly symmetrical from top to bottom. they harvested materials and built it without hiring anyone, a testament to their diligence and determination. they even applied early for the building and statue permit. honeydew was unsettled when they all visited at once to seek the permit. this was because they all wore the same skin, just in different colours. only larry robert spoke. the rest stared at honeydew. it’s hard to say ‘no’ to that.

fyreuk run a history tavern, which charts the development and founding of digfarts and notable town achivements. they keep it up to date, and in exchange for music discs, will write ballads to honour said achievements.

lomadia logs in when nobody is on the server, and moves a single object to the left by one space, or switches items around, or leaves signs saying ‘i know what you did’, etc. so far, everyone is convinced that the server is haunted. vox pretends not to know about it.

martyn and minty run law enforcement, and swagger around town keeping the whole place in order. they have their fingers in every pie. their motto is ‘you do the crime, you do the time’ which is cheesy as hell but they’re actually pretty good at their job. they talk to vox to arrange trials and how long a ban should last if someone breaks the law multiple times.

sherlock refuses to join the server because he knows that people will bully him into playing their secretary, treasurer, errand boy, etc. he has a secret identity though, and logs in as ‘hulmes’. people play along with his pretend investigations since he actually writes pretty good newspaper articles as a result. fyreuk collect said articles too.

larry robert and their siblings are builders; the thumb of truth usually hires them to build things. the reason why larry robert and co can’t be left alone to build is beause they’ll keep building and never stop until it’s done. they crafted the entire road and railway system in one night, which sparked riots and fights due to everything needing names, all at once. honeydew put the permits into place as a result, which states that ‘only one party can build at any given time, and it can be completed at one’s leisure and has to be realistic so that fyreuk doesn’t cry over piecing the timeline together’.

bebopvox isn’t allowed on the server due to their irl identity but that doesn’t stop their kids sending them updates. the street surrounding te statue of them is called ‘ridge avenue.’

arsenal has to have someone watching him whenever he logs in since he has ‘the devil’s hands’. he runs a monthly auction house. he auctions off especially rare materials and custom goods needing a new owner. more importantly though, he’s the only official party who can sell the special chickens, which means that his auctions are a big event that nobody wants to miss.

the bloody bandits operate as blacksmiths attached to strife and parvis’ business. they’re expert miners, and for some reason, also operate the local cemetary. they note down how many times someone has died, and update the headstones. the cloning business caused a real hang-up as none of them could agree what to name the clones of lalna and lalnable.

i know i left some people out but the server is limited to frigate peeps to stop breaches into vox’s systems since the whole server relies so heavily on vox. there’s been jokes that they’re all playing in vox’s brain...which isn’t actually that far off the mark.

vox devotes quite a bit of processing power into maintaining and keeping the whole thing running smoothly. they’re unusually fond of what the frigate created, which possibly explains why any henious world breakage is treated as a in-game crime and punished accordingly.

[sailolive93-blog]

The best Guide to Reddit Marketing around 2019

"Yep, i do all my modelling in C4D as I just know the tools so well there. I do minimal retopology in Zbrush on organic shapes but any hard surfaces I make in C4D. I'd recommend the "Introduction to Subdivision modelling in C4D" by Shane Benson on Vimeo (he goes by Sheppard O'Neill on YouTube if you prefer that) and it was his tuts that got me into box and subdiv modelling.

I'm also releasing a modelling workshop in C4D and models from the kitchen scene that these belong to will be in there to learn. Just not these two as they belong to marketing for the workshop. very well "Brand new Reddit account with two extensive comments defending Boa Vista Orchards huh...? We joked earlier about spotting the Boa Vista account in here but it looks like we actually have lol! > I just talked to the dude who does the marketing for Apple Hill and he sent me this So you just randomly talked to the guy and he emailed over his entire statement...? " "I too wonder why they didn’t just create a new line and call it the mach-e instead of mustang, I believe it has something to do with the marketing department since they knew it’ll stir a lot of discussion" "Precedent suggests it depends on the marketing around the product being sold and the implied purpose. " "Wow, ha. The fact that you think that it’s ok for the government to strip away my personal health insurance so that I HAVE to be on the same shitty plan on everybody else is crazy. If healthcare is “free” and universal, the quality of healthcare is bound to decrease. I can choose to pay for whatever the fuck I want and whatever healthcare I want. I give to charity and I have plans on giving a lot more to charity as I get further in my career and start making more money. Believe it or not, you aren’t the only one that cares about people just because you want “free” healthcare for everybody. And there is also no such thing as free healthcare. It has to be paid somehow and middle class taxes will go up no matter how complicated you try to make the source of payment sound. And regarding free college, that will also raise middle class taxes. You keep bringing up this. 02% of financial transactions bullshit as if that’s going to cover all costs. Have you done studies on this yourself? Do you even know that? You act like all these things can be magically paid for without anybody in the middle class being negatively affected. I have a bachelor’s degree and I didn’t feel like college was very challenging. It was more like a series of annoying classes I didn’t need when all of college could have been boiled down into one year of the core classes of my major of marketing. College is a fuckin scam and it’s only truly necessary for a very limited amount of majors. You’re just another minion that kisses the feet of big-government Democrats that try to make us feel like horrible people for not allowing them to sucks insane amounts of money out of the economy and spend it how they would like to. inch "That's including the localization teams for every language though, as well as PR and marketing. >! Some of them might even be legacy accreditation for the Gen 6 models they're *still* using.! < " "Time is a cost and you should track where that cost is going. That said, if you are working on general administrative/nonbillable stuff within your own department, it's pretty easy to have that time automatically go to the right cost bucket, so generic entries for that sort of thing are fine imo. The stuff that really has to be tracked is anything for clients or for departments that are outside your default (e. g. engineer writes a blog post, that's marketing time etc). micron "I believe there are some lessons on Google Academy for Adss (now called Skillshop) but hands-on experience is tricky. Two ways are possible, 1) is for you to have your own website and use Google Ad Sense, but this is more from the advertiser side rather than publisher or technical side 2) ask a digital or marketing agency that is near you if you can shadow/assist/internship/work experience for a week or so. This may be difficult depending on where you live and agency people are always very busy, so if you do ask tell them how you could help THEM not the other way around. To be honest, start with Analytics and Paid Search as they are arguable more accessible and have more out there for you to learn" "We are in the same boat, but different industry. Here's my approach, starting this week: I'm joining business groups that my target clients are a part of, for example, manufacturer groups. Then I'm going to target that organization with our services. I'm then going to offer to speak about the service I offer and how it helps businesses. Not a marketing spiel, an educational talk. Good luck" "One might consider a lawsuit if a car or alcohol company advocated or implied the action of drinking and driving in their marketing" "This post has been removed for breaking Rule 1. No Spammy Titles. Do not mention anything about selling anything in the title. Absolutely ZERO marketing in the title. Do not even ask for people to contact you for more. Be enticing. Post quality pics with quality titles. Read the rules for info on how to market yourself here. If your posts keep getting removed then you will be banned. READ THE RULES! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Remember to[contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/? to=/r/feetpics) if you have any questions or concerns. *" "I came of grew up and came of age in Chicago during Jordan's time with the Bulls and the shortest answer is that it's almost incomparable because the level of fame basketball players before Michael Jordan was laughably lower than now. Even today MJ has a logo that might be more identifiable than the company that created it. I would argue no athlete in any sport has surpassed MJ's level of fame. MJ pioneered so many avenues of endorsements, its like comparing planes in the era of propeller planes with jet planes. Jordan like most greats, stood on the shoulders of giants, specifically Larry Bird and Magic Johnson. Those two spent the better part of the late 70's and early to late 80's dominating the sport of basketball. Also add in Isiah Thomas of the Pistons and arguably "Dr. J" Julius Erving of the 76ers and those four were the superstars of the four teams that won EVERY NBA championship of the decade. Before Michael Jordan won his FIRST NBA Championship in 1991, he was arguably bigger than all of them. Before MJ, being a big name athlete meant getting your name on a breakfast cereal box called Wheaties, and doing the commercial saying the plug line "Gotta eat your Wheaties! " That's not a joke. Check 'em out on youtube, they're cringe worthy. MJ's meteoric rise in my opinion was helped by a few special advertising campaigns. I think first would have been his Nike commercials with Spike Lee, another pioneer. He just made "Do the right thing" at a time when black people making movies with black people in the movies wasn't really a thing. Spike Lee also happens to like playing characters in his own movies and Mars Blackmon was a character in that movie that Spike Lee chose to portray in a series of commericals with Michael Jordan. Again, pardon me for repeating, but I have to say it again for context. You have a supremely talented and charismatic young athlete being marketed by a young shoe company (Converse Chuck Taylors were still THE basketball shoe) hiring a visionary and ground breaking director to do something that had not been done before. And they crushed it. Again, at this time Michael Jordan wasn't winning NBA championships. He was having savant level performances, but get bounced out of the first round by the Celtics, or getting manhandled in the playoffs by the Pistons. By the time he did win it all in 91, MJ was doing things that no one had done in fields well outside basketball. Michael Jordan in Flight is one of the first videogames to have 3D. He had already supplanted Dr J in the one on one basketball video game with Larry Bird. Gatorade put out a marketing campaign with the song "Be Like Mike" and that song was the top song for the summer of 92 in Chicago on most radio stations regardless of genre. You're already familiar with Space Jam, but before Space Jam, the Looney Toons were relegated to afternoon after school syndicated (rerun) television stations. Michael Jordan made Bugs Bunny cool again to a whole new generation that knows of them only through MJ. I hope that helps. inches "Yeah I don't want to turn it around and criticize Musk over this or anything, but Tesla is great at PR and marketing while convincing people they don't actually try to be. inches "No, you dont need more parties, you need to ban all parties and establish government funded elections where everyone with a certain amount of support by the people can run using government money and marketing channels. Equal funding, equal marketing, equal candidacy, by the people, for the people. Sounds too good to be true? Well fuck you, because parties are corrupt barbaric cavemen shit. " " Funny Cartoon Images for website content - Family Funny Images and illustrations, Ultimate single panel funny cartoons used for websites, social media and emails https://www.freecartoonsdaily.com https://www.cartoons.cafe   www.cartoons.cafe www.acmeblanks.com sign up now! Funny Cartoons, Funny family cartoon images, Custom Cartoons, Niche Cartoons, Humorous Illustration Services, Business Cartoons, Medical Cartoons, Custom Comic Strips, Book Illustration Services, Political Cartoons, funny hospital cartoons, cartoons for marketing, corporate cartoons, work cartoons, business cartoons, Computer Cartoons, farmer cartoons, farm cartoons, tractor cartoons, Pig cartoons, pig farmer cartoons, cor farmer cartoons, wheat farmer cartoons, soybean farmer cartoons.... inch "That's including people associated with the marketing and promotion of Sword and Shield, which means people at Nintendo and the Pokemon Company rather than actual programmers at Game Freak working on the game itself. The same article you're looking at gives 200 at Game Freak - which is likely wrong since Game Freak had 143 employees, and Game Freak openly stated most were working on Town. You could include the modelers from Creatures Inc, but given that the models are the same as those developed for X and Y by Creatures Inc years ago, they are likely still being credited for "work" on this game that was actually done quite some time ago. " "Imagine what a lucky break JonTron was for FlexSeal. Their products are actually pretty decent, but their marketing was almost typical infomercial stuff that no-one over fifty would've seen. Next, out of nowhere, some YouTuber makes them famous amongst younger customers. People make "that's a lotta damage, " and "I sawed this boat in half, " memes. Everyone knows who they are. Chances are, when you need some stuff like this you'll at the very least know about their existence and you might buy their stuff because at least you know they're legit. Some people will buy it when they need something like that, literally for the meme. All they have to do is keep the ball rolling with tweets like these (because, of course, people actually follow them on Twitter now). " "That's my point. The pub you linked to is disney land. I'm looking for somewhere that recreates the  a more authentic historical experience. I think these places have got their marketing wrong which is why they are closing. They should be trying to recreate an experience closer to that in the Pathe news reel. If you just sold fresh baked bread, potted Hare, a variety of local ales you could heat with a poker while smoking a hilarious pipe you could capture a huge slice of the real ale / hipster / foodie market. " "No game in the genre had been competition for the Diablo franchise since it's inception. D3 no matter how you look at it was a huge commercial success being in the top 10 video games sold of all time at one point. Diablo now has become what WoW was before, tons of games saying they are a WoW killer and none of them doing it. So now we looming at Diablo killers but they all end up falling off somewhere because they don't get the same $$$ support / marketing. inch "8M opening weekend bad = bad marketing. Bad quality movie would be revealed in the multiplier (word of mouth and no rewatches). In this case I don’t think there was anything compelling from the movie they could focus the marketing around which led to the 8M OW. " "I’m in the same boat. I have to get 14 credits by may2020. In the last 2 weeks I did principle of marketing 3 credits score 66 and principal of management 3 credits score 62. This week I’ll take precalculas which is 5 credits and calculus which is 4��credits. I did not pay the $89 for the test because I did modernstates which pays the testing fee. It also reimburses me for the $20 testing fee" "Marketing. McAf€€ gets money from users, Micro$oft gets money from McAfee. They beget the green, motherfuckers that they are. Sometimes  http://tipofmytongue.topreddit.info  who install 3^^rd party stuff tho, it's not only Microsoft. Anyway, it's a motherfuckery of bloatware if not malware. "McAfee antivirus is one of the worst products on the planet" -John McAfee" "You're arguing entirely from marketing hype instead of actual quality, which is entirely stupid and comes down entirely to Sont having far greater of a userbase and them having less games to pump more money behind. Besides, let's not pretend Sony has an actual library of games here. Both Xbox and Sony have completely shit the bed this console generation in terms of exclusive libraries. Sony has had like, 8 good games this entire generation as exclusives. You have Death Stranding, Uncharted 4, Horizon, Until Dawn, Bloodborne, God of War, MLB The Show... That's about it? I guess you also have Detroit and Last Guardian depending on who you ask, but I defo don't wanna throw Days Gone on that list. But in any case, you could lump all of those games into loke 3-4 genres. Am I missing anything? But yeah, stop saying dumb shit like "Well its not a household name so its irrelevant" because you're entirely missing the point and reducing the entire industry to what can or can't be marketed. As well, its telling that Sony has stated their goal next-gen is to have less games release but have them be bigger, where Microsoft is going the opposite direction. Keep the the big titles, bur also have a little something for everyone. Diversity is important. Your Battletoads reboot might not sell as well, but its important to folks who like it. Games shouldn't be live or die based on how well they fit in established and marketable trends. Its absurdly reductive" "I actually never had injected one, whats the main difference? And is it really a big improvement or rather a marketing bait" "It’s all part of his NYC persona. Marketing. inches

[acorn-evan]

Dear Evan Hansen, Jul. 13th 2017 (Act 1)

Dear Evan Hansen,

Today’s going to be a good day and here’s why:

Because Michael Lee Brown was on as Evan Hansen, and you get to review him! (and cry a lot more than you already have.)

This is Part 1 of my summary and review! A second part will come soon!

I’m dedicating this whole thing to @neglectedrainbow because they seem to love Michael Lee Brown as much as I do. (I also love their writing and their account)

Alright everyone, buckle up and make sure you’re sitting down because I have a lot to dump on you. And when I say a lot, I mean a lot. Michael Lee Brown was better than I ever could have imagined. I saw DEH originally with the full cast on March 7th. Now that was a little while back, but I’ll still be comparing it to this performance.  I’ll also be referencing the bootleg a little since it was filmed before March 7th. Please note that during this performance the only person out was Ben. All other actors were the same as they were on March 7th. Alright, time to get on with it.

I’m going to put this simply, Michael Lee Brown destroyed me. I don’t even really know how to describe this performance, so I’m sitting here just staring at my computer thinking, ‘wow. I just spent four hours sobbing because of some guy that I had never seen until today.’ Now, Michael’s performance was a lot different than Ben’s which is something I’ll be going over, and a lot different than Colton Ryan in the audio boot. Along with things I noticed now but not the first time I saw the performance!

So we start off with "Anybody Have A Map” Michael Lee Brown as Evan looks great, I thought Evan having longer hair would be weird, but it wasn’t. His hair is slicked back and goes down to about mid neck. So Evan starts his monologue and I knew right off the bat that he would be different than Ben by a long shot. He showed up biting his nails, just chewing on them until he has to talk. He talks quickly, very quickly almost faster than Ben. He repeats his words and second guesses himself and you can already tell his performance will be with feeling. He also uses his hands, a lot. Like, a ton to express things. "Anybody Have A Map” was pretty much the same because Evan’s not a major part in it, but when he walks he hunches over in on himself trying to act smaller and visibly gets nervous when people go near him. Also, the mystery of the milk has been solved! Connor drank a glass of milk, not milk used for the cereal. Also during this Connor put a knife up to his head while he was arguing with his family at the table which I found interesting. They also don’t have his bag on the chair anymore, which means it wont fall over!

Evan’s interaction with Alana was interesting. Evan seemed more nervous and Alana seemed, off. Not in a bad way! She seemed to be trying hard to make conversation with Evan but it’s not really working out and Evan keeps stumbling over his words so it’s awkward for both of them.

Jared shows up, and wow do I have things to say about Michael Lee Brown’s Evan and Jared. You’ll see what I mean just by reading all of this. This Evan and Jared are so different than Ben’s Evan and Jared, by a long shot. Evan keeps further away from Jared and makes more major arm motions. He still picks at his cast and pulls on his shirt, if the shirt isn’t near where his hand is he’ll grab for anything in the area (i.e Connor’s bed frame, sheets, air, etc.) Evan seemed more visibly upset when Jared declined signing his cast. Also, when Jared and Evan are talking over the computer we get to see Evan and Jared’s snapchats. Jared is the only person that Evan has added on snapchat and Jared’s snapchat score is an underwhelming 12. (Jared I have a higher snapchat score than you)

Then there’s Connor, he shows up, rummaging through his bag - seemingly desperate to find something - I’m still not sure what it is he’s looking for though. Jared says his “joke” and Connor looks up. He doesn’t look mad, but then Jared says “it was just a joke” and Connor tightens his grip on the bag and says his “oh I'm laughing” thing. Here’s the thing though, Connor leaned forwards during the “Am I not laughing hard enough for you?” getting close to Jared and said it seemingly jokingly. Jared froze up and backed up a little before running away, he didn’t say it before he ran but on his way out he mumbled “freak.” When he ran he looked like a scared puppy. This is different than when I saw it March 7th and in the boot. So Evan makes a nervous noise and Connor turns on him, he gets really close to Evan in this scene and shoves him - hard. I also confirmed that Connor does indeed wear silver rings on both hands.

"Waving Through a Window" was an experience. When I saw DEH the first time it took me until Good For You to shed a tear, this is nothing against Ben Platt (I love him with all my heart and he’s wonderful) but, the feeling that Michael Lee Brown puts into Evan? He made me cry starting at this song. Right off the bat. He put so much emotion into the song. When he had his conversation with Zoe, Evan wouldn’t look her in the eyes (well he didn’t with any of the characters) he used over exaggerated arm movements and stuttered a lot. He wiped his hands on his pants a lot, you could see he was visibly stressed by the interaction. During this everyone’s walking normally except Connor, he storms everywhere quickly and angrily.

When Heidi and Evan have their call Evan looks upset that Heidi can’t come pick him up and mumbles, “I’ll- I’ll just… take the bus then.” He types out his note, which was also heart breaking because you can hear the feeling in his words. So Evan prints his note and In comes Connor Murphy. He’s quiet for a moment before they talk. Evan’s avoiding eye contact and playing with his shirt. Connor actually seemed very nice and open until he read part of the note, he sounded so worried for Zoe. He storms off taking the letter with him, and Evan cries out reaching after Connor pleading for him to give the letter back.

Evan seems more upset when Jared makes fun of him. Alana’s waving through a window piece felt more heart felt and she looked over to where the couch was coming in and then looked away. Alana feels a lot more, lost and invisible in this. Like, no one sees her, and when they do it’s only because of school things.

Evan about the letter situation was interesting as well. He sat in the chair facing as far away from Larry and Cynthia as possible, not wanting to look at them. He wouldn’t make eye contact at all and sat there picking at his shirt. When Cynthia pulls out the letter and he reads it he immediately goes, “I- he didn’t write this” And he stutters a lot, saying it about 4 times before getting it right. The interaction with Jared, Alana and Evan after this was the same as with Ben.  

(At this point I had to take a break from writing this because I started crying again, I’m surprised I had tears left from last night.)

When he had dinner with the Murphy’s he looked nervous, growing more and more freaked out at each question Cynthia asked. His nodding was exaggerated and when he spoke he spoke in quick stuttery bursts. When he messed up and the Murphy’s questioned him he used his arms trying to explain, he waves his arms a lot throughout the show. Cynthia’s interaction with this Evan felt more loving and motherly, and Larry’s felt more fatherly as well. Zoe felt more cold and closed off until later in the show however. Also while at the table Zoe’s leg shakes when Evan starts talking. When they’re at the table and Cynthia’s talking to Evan, Zoe’s watching this whole thing and Larry’s looking down like he’s in denial. When he said “telling jokes no one understands” Cynthia got this look on her face that made me immediately think of “A little bit of light” and young Connor telling jokes. During “on my face” he hold out his note, which was higher than when Ben did it, and then stops and waits before saying “and suddenly I feel the branch give way” he looks like he’s remembering when It happened. Cynthia comes over at the end of the song and embraces Evan in a hug, he flinches back at first but slowly brings his arms up to hug her.

When Heidi was talking about a taco Tuesday Evan wouldn’t ever really make eye contact with her, even when he did look at her. When she put her hand on his shoulder he flinched away, something Ben didn’t do. He was also more defensive about the cast saying Connor, “No- no- t-this is- is a d-different Co-Connor.”

I’m glad "Sincerely, Me” was pretty much the same. This is when I confirmed Connor wore rings. Also in this scene you can tell the difference between this Evan and Ben’s Evan’s interaction with Jared and Connor. When Jared asks him if he’s hyperventilating he responded in more of a mumble and not as aggressive as Ben. This scene right here is what cued me into knowing the difference between the Evan who was on his meds at the beginning of the show, and the Evan who stops taking his meds later in the show. This Evan is more anxious, less aggressive and confrontational, keeps himself hunched over to seem smaller, and shakes when he’s scared or nervous. He also does the thing where he tucks his hair behind his ear.

Something I didn’t notice the first time around, which was just me being to caught up in the story: Larry drinks quite a bit in the first act. Do with that information what you will.

Now “Requiem” oh god requiem. Requiem was when I lost whatever I was holding onto to keep the tears back. They sounded so hurt. Larry’s holding the emails tightly, Zoe’s holding them the same as Cynthia until she crumples them up. The exact moment I lost it was when Cynthia sits down on Connor’s bed and runs he hands over the blankets. She stares at it and you can see her choke back a sob before she picks up Connor’s pillow. She holds it like Heidi does Evan at the end and sobs into it, hugging it tightly. That’s what broke me and I started sobbing and didn’t stop until the end of the show. I’m not joking here. I don’t usually cry and the first time I saw the show I didn’t even shed a tear until good for you and didn’t actually cry until so big/so small. But this… this. Just was so much.

Little things I noticed about Connor’s room: The broken window, the x-box controller, the grey water bottle, the large speaker, the headphones, the no smoking sign, and the numerous books. It’s also mainly blue and grey while Evan’s is red and orange.

Evan and Heidi use dell laptops while everyone else uses macs.

"If I Could Tell Her” was a little more than awkward. You might have thought the awkwardness with Ben was bad, but ho boy. He was so loving with Zoe, he sounded like he was in love. The song was great, they put feeling into it. At the end when he goes to kiss Zoe… you know second hand embarrassment yeah? With Ben I got a little, but with Michael multiply it times 10x. He leaned forwards so quickly and kissed her before shooting back like he had been burned. Zoe gets up and looks confused and angry so Evan just shrink backs and gets up quickly and starts apologizing as much as he can.

Maybe you thought the crying was over by now? Nope. “Disappear" comes along and ripped my poor heart out. You’d think it would maybe be because of Connor, but nope. In the scene where they’re talking to the Murphy’s about the Connor Project, Evan starts talking but Jared tries to pipe up and say more. Evan shoves him back, hard, to get him to shut up. Now, Ben didn’t stop Jared like this when I saw the show, he just put his arm out. He didn’t push him. So, Jared falls silent and hangs his head, he looks upset that Evan made him stop talking when he was trying to help. He pipes up again later when Evan mentions the Jazz band helping out. “GREAT IDEA EVAN” Ben’s Evan just says “Thank you Jared” a little exasperated. But Michael’s Evan basically whisper yells “Thank you Jared!” He seems a little angry that Jared talks again. Like, Jared clearly doesn't have other friends and he's clinging onto Evan as this… lifeline. And he talks a lot so when Evan shoved him and cut him off he looked so hurt. Then when he spoke up to help Evan yelled at him, and he just shut up and hung his head, and didn't say anything else after that.

“You Will Be Found” was amazing. He goes up front and center on the stage, holding his note cards tightly. He starts his speech the same as Ben did but he drops a single note card. Evan drops his note card and he reaches down to grab it and he falls back and looks up, he scrambles backwards in fear. The audience goes deadly silent as Evan looks down, at the notecards and the tie he’s wearing. You can just see the emotions in his face as he runs his fingers over the tie. He looks nervous, anxious and scared as he scrambles to get back up. He takes a breath, puts the cards away, and starts the song. Everyone’s looking at the screens except for Larry he’s facing away. Cynthia acts like a motherly figure towards Evan in this, something he wanted Heidi to be but she’s busy with her job and school. So then they move away to the sides of the stage and it leaves Larry standing there with dozens of photos of Connor’s face on the screen behind him. He turns, to face the screen and his shoulders slump. You can see the exact moment that he breaks. He chokes out a sob and falls down to his knees sobbing. Cynthia sees him and comes over to help him up and comfort him. But he was so devastated, this seemed like the moment that he finally accepted that Connor, his son, was gone. He was like everyone else, for that brief moment, he seemed more open as he cried into Cynthia’s shoulder as he embraced her in a tight hug. The lights dim, the spotlight still on the Murphy parents and Heidi comes onto the stage. She looks around at the screens, taking in everything, and you can see the confusion and the little bit of anger in her features. She runs off to the back of the stage and the others come back on. Zoe’s sitting on Connor’s bed, Evan sits down on the very very edge as far away as possible. She thanks him and then goes to kiss him. Evan jerked back so quickly that he almost fell off the bed. He looks back, still not looking her in the eyes, and goes to kiss her. They kiss (very aggressively) and then it cuts to black.

The lights come back up and I look around, everyone is crying. I don’t know if a single person didn’t cry in act one. So that was Act One. I’ll be writing a second part to this about act two, something that I haven’t stopped thinking about because Michael Lee Brown ruined me. Anyway, stay tuned for that! Thanks for reading if you made it here :)

[gotgifsandmusings]

Quick asks roundup

I’m going out of town this afternoon for labor dabor, and probably won’t be around much during the weekend. Thought I’d answer a few asks below--just a grab bag, with a vague focus on S7. Should be able to do a video one of these next week, and Julia and I are eyeing a UBS podcast episode pretty soon too.

Anonymous said to gotgifsandmusings: Have you read David Benioff's book City of Thieves? I'm curious how it compares to GoT.

I haven’t, no. I’m not sure if that’s something I want to subject myself to (it has been mostly positively received from what I know, though not across the board) when there’s so much I’ve been putting off reading as it is.

Anonymous said to gotgifsandmusings: Is cerseï pregananant in the boox?

She’s actually gregnant.

Anonymous said to gotgifsandmusings: Just read your criticism about Fair Game and wholeheartedly agree. You touched on the core of why your (and Julia's and Caroline's and Jess' and Turtle's) GoT analysis are so great: they understand the intersection of narrative flaws and social issues. Sure, some people may complain that they don't want "SJW" stuff, except, y'know, you don't stop being a feminist when you write a review. As you say, media is not produced in a cultural vacuum. Sadly, I admit I feel reluctant to...... Actively criticize GoT with people around me because the ones who dislike it also dislike ASOIAF and fantasy/sci-fi ("The show is bad because GRRM is a bad writer who isn't really character-driven, but it's not surprising since genre stuff is awful"). That sucks :(

Yes, exactly! This is in reference to this piece by myself and Julia, btw. That’s really depressing about that perception of genre fic, especially given what Martin does being so unique. I’ve never particularly understood that attitude; I want to read about cool places and stuff happening as much as I want to read about weighty character journeys, and why scoff at any that pull off both? Though Julia has a piece on that too. 

But absolutely, as we said, it’s asinine to ignore the ways culture shapes media and vice versa, and often the reason the writing is so poor is because it’s so sensationalist or reliant on shitty tropes and stereotypes. “Just enjoy it (or critique) without focusing on social issues” is the ultimate sign of privilege, and it drives me crazy because it’s tossed out as an appeal to “objectivity.” IF YOU’RE IGNORING PEOPLE’S EXPERIENCES YOU’RE ALREADY NOT BEING OBJECTIVE.

Anonymous said to gotgifsandmusings: I'm curious why you guys interpret Cersei's internalized misogyny as nothing to do with gender dysphoria. All because Cersei doesn't break down during her period doesn't mean you must read her as cisgendered. She treats femininity like her least-favorite subject in school, not like part of herself. You're welcome to read her story as about women internalizing misogyny, but her thoughts feel familiarly trans, and outright denying that reading closer-to-earths her

This is really interesting, and my assumption would definitely a result of my own distance with that experience. Are there any metas on it? I haven’t really considered this before (I’ve seen the case argued for Brienne), and I’m not very convinced Martin had much intentionality here, but that’s a reading of her character I’d definitely like to learn/think more about.

Anonymous said to gotgifsandmusings: How can Euron "Crow's Eye, Terror of Pentos" Greyjoy come across as such a wimpy villain that I'm missing Ramsay? Hell, effing Joffrey could have torn that cuddly pooh bear a new one.

But...he’s the storm. You weren’t quaking in your boots when his fleet armada magically descended on Yara’s?

Anonymous said to gotgifsandmusings: I haven't seen anyone else comment on this, but did you notice Cheryl says "You expect me to command our troops to fight beside foreign scum?" almost immediately before telling Jaime she's bringing the foreign Golden Company from Essos to fight beside their troops? Do you think the writers ever make it to second drafts or do they just knock out the first on the back of a Hooters napkin over Natty Ices and fist bumps and say, nah, we're good bro?

A showpologist would tell you it’s clearly demonstrating what a horrible hypocrite she is and actually rather cutting commentary.

It’s really, really hard for me to imagine a world where Operation Capture a Wight received a look-over. A whole lot of what they do feels thoroughly unedited.

Anonymous said to gotgifsandmusings: Hey, I really appreciate all your GoT analysis. 1) Is Cheryl's assistant actually Ezri Dax? 2) Did you see Linda's episode review where she called D&D "smug idiots?" 3) Is it possible to enjoy GoT as schlock? I can't and don't, but It is certainly bad enough and dumb enough. Thanks!

Thank you :)

1) According to wikipedia, Ezri Dax’s actor is currently starring in “Corrupt aka Trust No One” and “Where’s my Baby”, but I’m glad you made me look her up, because the resemblance there is quite uncanny. The maid is played by Sara Dylan, and has actually been a consistent, recurring character since Season 2. Apparently her name is “Bernadette” because why not.

2) Was it her newest review? I do listen to those in the background of work when I’m doing spreadsheet kind of stuff, so I may not have caught that exact phrase, but I did hear the part where she basically said “just don’t even bother writing a plot. Only write battles because everything else is terrible.”

3) I mean, the people enjoying GoT are watching schlock, so it must be possible. I happen to think the ardent defenders/honeypotters aren’t the majority, and most people turn it on to watch dragons for 60 minutes, then talk about how cool the dragons looked the next day at work. It’s just that GoT comes with a stamp of “SMART ADULT SHOW” for reasons that will never cease to amaze me. So yeah, totally, but for me, I have a hard time enjoying something when the more you think about it, the worse it gets.

Anonymous said to gotgifsandmusings: I would bet my right hand that someone in the GoT writers' room probably rewatched season 1 which is why there's so many callbacks to it like Arya's "that's not you", Dany's infertility, Bran's "I told you not to trust me", etc etc. Like it just seems so obvious that they realized they ran out of content and decided to just revisit past seasons to make themselves seem smart and like they planned ahead so much.

Oh 100%. Season 1 was this year’s Lord of the Rings, which they had obviously binged before last year. I love it because then all the critics are like, “ohh my god it’s so well-planned and deep.” But no. It’s essentially grinning into the camera going “remember when?”, completely on par with Gendry’s boat joke.

Anonymous said to gotgifsandmusings: The writers gave up 3 seasons ago, but it feels like no one was really trying this year. The cast looked bored. The wigs were trash: Dany's fire-proof wig is also boatsex-proof and freezing wind-proof. The costumes were either too anachronistic for a so-called prestiege Medievalesque Drama or straight up uninspired: Cersei's modern office wear, Dany and LF are shopping at the same department store, Lyanna S dressed up for a college roman-themed party. I guess the special effects were ok.

I’m very, very hesitant to call out costuming because I know Michele Clapton is like, making up these immaculate honeypots and ordering the finest fabrics from Lithuania to pull everything together. But...yeah, as a viewer everything was kind of clearly ridiculous (Euron’s jacket), and EVERYTHING WAS BLACK with the exception of Deadpan’s coat, that was, I’m sorry, objectively hideous. The reason people fawned over it was because it was actually contrasting the blah they had been seeing all season.

As for the cast, I mean...I think these guys are decent actors who get into their roles when they can. But who could get into anything happening at this point? Stuff happens, don’t question it. The directing was probably fine (I don’t know enough about that stuff), but when the script is fundamentally lazy and uninspired, it’s going to bleed into everything.

Anonymous said to gotgifsandmusings: (Regarding episode 7) So the only leak that didn't come true was "Cersei's" bed of blood prediction and I'm wondering if she'll miscarry next season because morally evil incest women like Cheryl don't deserve babies while morally good (with the help of our friendzoned Saint T🙏) incest women like Deadpan get to conquer infertility and birth a Targ with the help of Jonny Cardboard's magic seed. That would be one boring Aegon 2(3?) infant. Thoughts?

Honestly, I can’t make heads or tails of why she was even pregnant. Larry didn’t need that to stay on her side at all, and the only thing I can think was that it added an extra TWIST for us. Haha, viewer! You thought she might have actually wanted to fight the threat because of her unborn kid and how many times we’ve told you her only redeeming quality is her motherhood, but now she’s EVHUL and even idealized motherhood can’t save her!

I guess it’s...kind of trope busting?

I kind of agree though, I don’t see them letting a BAD woman give birth and mother. At the same time, I don’t see how enough time can even pass where this would be a relevant plot-point to anything. So...I just, I don’t get it. I’ve gotta figure out how to structure my sexism & s7 analysis, and going back and revisiting Cheryl is probably going to be one of the most confused parts of it. I see many paths for how this unfolds, and none of them are really too promising.

Alrighty, gotta cut it here for today. Everyone have a safe labor day weekend (I guess there’s no heightened risk for non-Americans, but a safe weekend all the same), and I’ll talk to you guys later!

[repwinpril9y0a1]

When Muslims and Jews Work Together Lives are Saved

Who's life? Let's start with mine. On December 16th, 2016 I was admitted to the emergency room of The Brooklyn Hospital Center in excruciating pain. Each time I breathed in it felt like someone took a chainsaw to my abdomen. The day before had been a normal one. I went to a meeting, shopping, yoga, had pasta at an old favorite café in Greenwich Village. Later that night I felt sick to my stomach. I never throw up. It happens once every five years as I don't really drink. However after hours of discomfort I forced myself to vomit once or twice. An hour later the excruciating pain began. I was in Brooklyn staying with friends Trevor and Emily Kammeyer Sumner as my apartment was being renovated with workers pulling up floors and demolishing walls. I woke Emily up who went to the pharmacy to get stomach medicine. After that didn't help I contacted my doctor who suggested more over the counter medicine and to wait a bit to see if it goes away. After hours of pain, I called 911 for an ambulance to take me to the nearest ER. I figured I'd get fluids, meds, and they would know what to do and I'd be home soon feeling normal again. Very quickly tests showed I had an Esophageal Perforation- a hole in my Esophagus (food tube) that would kill me in a matter of hours. I was laying in the Emergency Room of Brooklyn Hospital medicated and wondering what comes next when suddenly a team of two dozen doctors and nurses surrounded me. They informed me I had a critical condition and they needed to operate immediately or I might die. I joke that having survived a lifetime of sex, drugs, and rock and roll that there was no way I was going to die that day. If there were a nuclear war the only survivors would be cockroaches, Keith Richards, and myself. These doctors and nurses explained it was exactly the golden hour when the surgery could be successful and started running down the hall with me on the gurney toward the operating room. I couldn't understand what all the fuss was about? Surely a tortellini wasn't going to do me in. I wasn't concerned until I met Dr. Alan Saber. Dr. Saber arrived and upon introducing himself as the lead surgeon who would perform the operation. He informed me there was a 50-50% chance I might not make it. It was only then that it dawned on me how serious the moment truly was. Dr. Saber came to New York from his native land of Egypt to study medicine. One of the first colleagues to befriend Dr. Saber who is Muslim, was Robert Rosenberg, a Jewish doctor at Cabrini Hospital. The friendship was about healing and saving others, not about religious beliefs or cultural differences. Along the way a man named Rosenthal arrived at the hospital suffering from the same critical condition I had. A hole tore in his Esophagus allowing stomach acids to leak into his body. He was a rabbi and 95 years old. No one wanted to operate on the rabbi as he was so frail and elderly. Those in the hospital thought any surgery would result in his dying on the operating room table or shortly thereafter. Dr. Saber stepped up and volunteered to operate. To the delight and surprise of everyone he managed to save the rabbis life. I've been asked what is the feeling like to be told you might die tonight, it might be your last moments alive? I felt very calm. First, I simply didn't feel deep down that it was my time. Second, I was in expert hands and there was nothing I could do about it. Everyone else was channeling the serious concern of a life or death moment, allowing me along with the morphine to just relax and surrender. Saber had reviewed my tests and told the hospital staff to prepare for this very critical and complex surgery. Tubes were inserted to keep me breathing, getting fluids, going to bathroom, etc. Moments before I was wheeled into the OR I stopped everyone. I said "I want to let you all know who the person is you are about to operate on, so I'm not just a patient or number. My name is Larry Dvoskin. I have always done what I love which is to make music. I have worked with many of the world's most well known music stars but have also mentored many young people to follow their hearts desire and go for their dream. If tonight is my last night on Earth, I thank God for an amazing full life and I am ready to face what's next. However, I don't feel it's my time yet. I have more to give and would like to stick around to help more people, and make a difference in more people's lives. I pray that all of you gathered are empowered by God to be my healing angels, and that the surgery is a success." This visibly touched and moved the medical team gathered. It made me into a person, not just a number. It showed depth and purpose and emotion in my life. In my imagination I feel it grounded the group with holy spirit. Right before going under in the OR I posted a photo and plea on Facebook for friends to send love, prayers, and healing thoughts. Pray for me, Im surprisingly in a life or death Surgery! Got sick last night and puked SO hard a small hole opened in Esophagus!! Food & air leaking dangerously close to heart, lungs!!!! Holy fuck!!! Please pray n send love, healing, see me in your minds eye happy n safe!!! Rolling to OR now!!! The next morning I awoke to gold streams of morning light, dancing with the silken window curtain overlooking Fort Greene Park. I was alive. When I glanced online I saw that my plea moments before surgery motivated over 500 people from all chapters of my life to respond with messages of hope, healing, love, and enthusiasm for me to make it through to the other side. I felt wealthy beyond compare to have such an ocean of love break upon my shores. But what made me marvel at the mystery and beauty of life was the follow up with Dr. Alan Saber the next day. Beyond the medical stuff, we started talking and he told me of his early days as a Muslim coming to US and being taken under the wing of Jews. I explained that I too was Jewish, and despite all the ugly rhetoric and Islamophobia in our political discourse, I couldn't be more grateful for this Islamic man that saved the life of his Jewish patient. It gave me goose bumps, hope, a type of wisdom that we are indeed stronger together when we put aside our differences. We're all human. I am home recovering and it will take a good 6 months for me to potentially be back to full functionality. I welcome this healing period of rest. I will use it to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I've been given a second chance. To Alan Saber directly I say thank you for saving my life. To the hundreds of people who sent love and prayers I say thank you for sending the energy of healing, protection, and love that also saved my life. I am still here because of you. I couldn't have done it without you. There are NO words to describe the gratitude I feel.

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from DIYS http://ift.tt/2jpSbSI

[djrelentless]

“The Loss Of My Friend, Rick West”

October 10, 2013 at 7:23am

On September 29th, I was reading some posts on facebook and read that my best friend from 1986 was no longer with us. I am still trying to wrap my head around the death of my friend, Rick West. It's funny how life moves you in different directions. And try as we may, you cannot escape your origins. I grew up in Tampa, Florida. All my life I dreamed of living in a big city. I knew that one day I would find my way to New York City. As an art student at Hillsborough Community College, I would sit on the fire escape of my entire floor apartment I rented in Ybor City back in 1986 and draw extra buildings to Tampa's skyline to make myself feel like I was anywhere else but Tampa.

My one year of college is about the time I met Rick West. I was exploring my sexuality and my sense of fashion. I had a fake ID. I had slept with a guy named Melvin Isadore Wilson and talked him into letting me use his birth certificate to go down to the DMV to get an identification card. I lived above a vintage clothes called Bon Ton.

And every Saturday night I would go to the El Goya (which would later become Tracks). There were a group of alternative patrons who would dance to the alternative music for a gay bar (Depeche Mode, The Cure, Shriekback, The Cult, Front 242, CCPR, etc). And I bought all my clothes from thrift shops and vintage clothing stores. And in that scene was a group of nightlife celebrities like performance artist John Dean and the ultra fabulous Maurice who performed as Prince in Rene's talent show on Mondays. Always feeling like a big fish in a small pond, I wanted to be as well known as they were. Mind you, I had just graduated from King High School where I was known more for dressing like Michael Jackson. So, I had some work to do to get rid of that image. I would show up at El Goya in silk pajamas or some ensemble with rhinestones and a trench coat.  

I hung out with a girl named Ann (don't remember her last name, but I called her "Ranking Ann" from a Scritti Politti song). She looked like a cross between Aretha Franklin in the "Freeway Of Love" video and Grace Jones. She was as tall as me and very athletic. She was always in some sport biking outfit. We would be on the floor most of the night and really enjoyed the alternative sets that DJ Bobby Caldwell and his lightman Jimmy Strickland would do while the drag shows were on.

There was a group of kinda clean cut kids who would come and dance during those sets. I don't remember everyone, but the main people were Christopher Littel, Richard Riccio, Rick West and his friend Sabrina. Chris was the most outgoing and introduced himself to Ann and myself one night. So, we were all dancefloor friends. An then one day some of the non-alternative folks started complaining about the alternative music and started calling us "twinkles". Chris Littel came up with the idea to have "The Great Twinkie Party" one Saturday night out of rebellion. Our theme song that night was "Since Yesterday" by Strawberry Switchblade. Rick and I somehow really connected over their cover of "Jolene" and struck up a conversation. We discovered that we both loved music and wanted to be DJ's. I had already started working at the Northside Lounge without even being able to mix. Rick had already started mixing, but only in his bedroom.

I'm not sure how it started, but Rick and I would go record shopping every Thursday. Our favorite store was Vinyl Fever on Fletcher Avenue in North Tampa. Eventually we would expand our shopping to Yolanda's Record Store on Henderson in West Tampa. Then we both joined Suncoast Record Pool. We spent hours at his house out in Seffner breaking the seals on our new records and practicing mixing.

I remember once I kicked him out of my apartment off Bayshore in 1987. You see, Rick (for as long as I had known him) lived at home with his parents. Because he didn't have expenses like rent and utilities bills, he could afford Technic 1200 turntables. I was out on my own and could only afford some belt driven turntables and a Realistic 2 channel mixer from Radio Shack. Of course, we got passed this incident. I don't think he ever really knew how important his friendship was to me.

Even though I began my DJ career before him, I don't think that I would have ever learned to mix without his help. He dreamed of spinning at Tracks. I explained to him that he would have to take a shitty job first. So, I got him hired with me at Paradise Lounge on Nebraska Avenue just north of Fletcher. He hated that job! Mainly because I had already set the format to Commercial, Pop, R&B, Jackswing and Rock. After all…it was a lesbian joint. I changed it from the Country and High Energy Dance that Jimmy Strickland had programed. There's a rule when you are the head resident DJ of a club or bar…..never hire anyone better than you to work with you. And even though I knew Rick was a better DJ than me, I knew he would never take my job from me. He hated the place, but it was experience and extra money. Plus, the owner hated him. Rick just never looked happy to be there.

When I talked the owner, Larry into hiring my brother (who really was not my brother), Anthony Evans, it gave Rick some relief. We really didn't need another DJ and I knew that Larry would only hire another one if I said Anthony was my brother. And then it became common knowledge that Anthony was my brother on the Tampa scene. Larry actually seemed to have a crush on Anthony. Larry really didn't care for me either, but the customers loved me because I brought a new sound to them. Rick and Anthony would curse my name for playing Joan Jett and Bobby Brown. They were already into House Music and would talk for hours about it. When I got House records in the pool, I'd give them to Anthony. I was always the one out of our group who appreciated the Commercial Pop hits. They didn't understand me at all. And I couldn't understand how they didn't love playing for the audience we had. I built my name off of Paradise, Rene's and Puzzles in St. Pete. My last job in Tampa was at BVD's on Busch Blvd in 1991. By then, Rick had finally made it into Tracks where he always dreamed of working. But it was not the dream job he thought of. He had to play stuff he didn't want and didn't connect well with the customers.

BVD's got shut down after the owners were busted by the IRS and FBI for a murder. So, all the employees were out of jobs. I had worked at all the clubs in Tampa (except for Tracks) and there weren't really any other options for me. I was dealing with the fact that I was HIV+. I was seeing a guy named Wilfredo Cosme who was from NYC and HIV+ as well. Anthony and I lived together in an apartment on Westland Avenue near Howard and Kennedy Blvd. Rick was spinning at Tracks and working for Richard Riccio at his new record store in Hyde Park called "Digital Wave". Wilfredo was going back to NYC and I wanted to follow him. I didn't want to have to tell too many people about my status. I told Rick and Anthony, but very few others.

After Wilfredo left, I met Michael Gagne (a Tampa celebrity because he had just sued the ROTC and won for losing his grades before graduation because he way openly gay). When I met him, I had no idea who he was or had heard anything about him. He was just this skinny kid who sorta looked like Clark Gable. I guess he took a shine to me because I didn't know who he was and I wasn't political. I quickly learned about him and politics. Before I knew it, I was helping him with his public access show and attending ACT UP rallies. But the problem with him was that I truly believed he only dated me because I was HIV+ and it looked good politically. We were't having sex and I started suspecting he was cheating on me. So, I called an ex of mine who lived in NYC and asked if I could come up to look for work. Plus, I wanted to find Wifredo.

When I left Tampa, I guess that's where the slow down in my friendship with Rick started. With so many miles between us, expensive long distance calls and no internet friendships took harder turns back in those days. Plus, my education in The Big Apple was taking up most of my time. I would see Rick when I came back for visits, but those were every 2 or 3 years. I think the last time I saw him was around 2003 when Anthony and I stopped by his house for a visit. I had come down to handle the arrangements for Lady Charlotte's funeral. By this time, Anthony was the head DJ at The Parliament House and Rick's career as the top Break Beat DJ in Central Florida. He was the ol' Rick that I remembered. Still making jokes about his mother and her interrupting us while listening and talking about our new records. He and I used to call his mother, father and brother Jonathan "Lisa Lisa & The Cult Jam". He even had a dance he used to do imitating his mother if she was at the club. I would alway burst out laughing when he would do it. I never really was into the Break Beat scene and being that I lived in New York at this time it was not something I had an interest in. Break Beat was not a huge thing in New York City.

Rick tried to explain this genre to me, but it just sounded like he had taken those old 2 Live Crew records and put them with other songs. I never knew that he was such a huge deal. I would read articles every now and then and see that he was spinning at events with my other friend Chris Milo (who I had spun with for an alternative night at Rene's). It all seemed like another world since I no longer lived in Florida. It was weird to come back and find Ybor City this mecca of night clubs. When I hung out there, it was a lot of abandoned stores and cigar factories. The big city that I wished for had happened. Tampa grew and grew while I was away.

The last time I spoke to Rick, he called me to apologize for being incoherent in our previous conversation while I was in town (April 2011). I wanted to see him while I was there. So, I called to see if he could come into Tampa for lunch or dinner. I had no idea that he was on prescription drugs. I could barely understand what he was saying. And he suddenly hung up in mid-sentence. So, when I got back to Toronto, he called and apologized. He explained that his medication was really strong and had that affect on him. We promised to stay in touch, but it didn't happen. I feel guilty for not reaching out more. Rick never seemed happy. He had some fun moments and plenty of laughs, but I never heard him say that he was truly happy with his life. And many will say I am wrong for saying so, but I told him a long time ago that he needed to move out of his parents place. I could not imagine how different his life would have been if he had spread his wings and saw more of the world.

Whenever I go back to Tampa, I always see some of my old friends and they look pretty much the same. They are doing pretty much the same things they did years ago. The ones who seem happy have at least left Tampa at some point and returned. I truly hope Rick is seeing a new world of places and things he never got to see while he was here. I hope for his sake that it is not like that Albert Brooks' film "Defending Your Life" where they show you all the things where you made poor decisions and didn't take chances. Or maybe I am wrong. Maybe he was happy with his life. Maybe his title of top Break Beat DJ was exactly what he wanted. Perhaps he stayed because his parents lost his younger brother all those years ago. Our connection faded too long ago. I'll never know because we did not stay in touch like Anthony and I did.

What I do know is that Rick West was a very loving person and a really good friend to me in some of my formative years. His patience and guidance help develop me into the DJ that I am today. I call Walter Winston my mentor. I call Rick West my savior. There would not be a DJ Relentless without him.