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madscientistjournal · 4 years

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Fiction: Victorian Velociraptor with Violets

An essay by Amada, as provided by Andrew K. Hoe Art by Leigh Legler

The opera troupe could handle Amada being a fake name, but not that I was dying. They could handle my seven-foot velociraptor–Rodelia–and I sneaking away at night, but not that we were breaking into factories, hunting without luck for the serum that could save me.

My life-fibers were unraveling, my mutations accelerating, so I addressed everyone at morning meal.

“Rodes mimics any sound she hears. Perfectly.”

Madam Chien and the rest of the August Court of the Full Autumn Moon round the desert camp stared like they didn’t understand English, though they did. I’d learnt enough Chinese to know. Or maybe they were examining the worsening rash on my cheek. I angled my face away. The troupe’s airship, Full Autumn Moon, floated overhead, a great redwood junk, paneled sails gleaming silver in the morning light.

“Why are you telling us now?” Madam Chien, the soprano, asked. Even in her sleeping robe she was glamorous, ageless, ready for the stage.

I swallowed. She’d been kind to us, and I didn’t like what we were about to do. “We didn’t trust you. But now, we want to contribute more.”

Rodelia scratched the ground, rumbling disapproval. Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh …

Madam Chien looked at Rodelia’s five-fingered hands–not the three-clawed manus other raptors had. “Her ability is … traitwoven?”

Traitwoven, like her capacity to stand erect, handle human tools. Her almost-human intellect.

I nodded.

“Such a barbaric land, America. It’s supposedly illegal, but there are raptor-butlers and raptor-porters wherever we land. Black slaves escape north, only to be dragged back south.”

I growled internally. Rodelia’s traitweavings weren’t done here, in America, but in Europe–in a mountain laboratory-fortress we’d escaped months back, life-fibers warped by one Baron Veer.

Mine, too.

Out of everyone, Madam Chien alone knew we left while the troupe slept, but not that we’d been raiding Veer’s American factories: Veritas’s Elixirs and Tinctures. No serum in last night’s raid, but documents indicated Veer himself would be in Phoenix. We needed to steer the August Court there.

“Rodelia can sing.”

That caused the stir I’d expected. Venerable Manager Shen, whose queue was always perfectly braided down his back, sputtered on his pipe. “She what?”

I nodded for Rodelia to demonstrate, but she hissed. Amada?

It wasn’t actually Amada she’d said, but a raptor-sound meaning me whenever she crooned it. Like she was now.

A-maaa-daaaa. Retreat?

I snarled, raptor-language being as much bestial gesture as vocalization. She flinched, as did everyone else. Because of Veer’s meddling, I understood raptors better than others. My human-ish ears didn’t grasp Rodelia’s full vocal meanings, but I parsed enough. To the troupe, to anybody watching us communicate, it must’ve seemed damned creepy.

Reluctantly, Rodelia opened her jaws …

… and Madam Chien’s ringing voice washed over the arid sands, the tree-tall saguaro, the ground-hugging ocotillo. It was a song from the The Dragon Bride, where the concubine stolen from her native land begged her captor-king for mercy, something Rodelia had heard many times now–

“How dare you!” the real Madam Chien exclaimed.

“She … doesn’t use her tongue?” someone asked. “Her teeth? She just … opens wide?”

“This could make Phoenix,” I said to the ground.

“Phoenix!” Manager Shen murmured. “Could we really book … the Orpheum?”

The troupe’s route coinciding with Veritas‘s towns was why we’d approached them. They hadn’t wanted a raptor-porter, though, nor her exceptionally strong, raptor-talking human. They distrusted traitwoven beasts. Velociraptors especially, them resembling the dragons they so revered. How old are you?, Madam Chien had asked. Sixteen, I’d blurted–my best guess. Madam Chien took Manager Shen aside, and grudgingly, he let us aboard.

She’d gotten me decent clothes. She’d left food out for us last night–raptor-kibble for Rodelia, salted eggs and rice gruel for me. If she gave us away now, I’d just claim Rodelia needed to roam.

Madam Chien kept silent, started fanning herself.

“Imagine a singing raptor,” Manager Shen murmured. “What show offers that?”

Madam Chien’s fan stilled. “You’d give my part away?” Everyone flushed, she being more mother to them than prima donna.

“Never,” I insisted. “Rodes’ll be a … pre-show attraction.”

Rodelia lowered her head, chest rumblings sinking to a low keening.

“We’ll call her the Rapturous Raptor,” Manager Shen decided. “Impressions only.” He turned to me. “Any sound, you say? Birdsong? Firecrackers?”

I nodded, avoiding Madam Chien’s gaze. Skin peeled off my knuckles, trickling blood–I shoved them behind my back. Rodelia would pull us to Phoenix. To Baron Veer. The source of serum, and all my present woes.

Without serum, I was getting sicker, and the airship’s floaty motion didn’t help. The Full Autumn Moon was bigger than Europe’s zeppelin-busses. Rodelia was in the parlor, where redwood flooring yielded to windowed viewing-bottoms, staring listlessly at red hills and cacti-dotted mesas passing below.

Her weavings were stable, but she was motion-sick, gloomily watching a mustang herd, tiny with distance, gallop up a dust-tail.

Velociraptors weren’t meant to fly. Even the Baron with all his noxious chemicals hadn’t woven any tolerance for flight into her.

“Veer’s here, Rodes. In Arizona. The one who did this to us.”

Another dust storm below–a raptor pack chasing the mustangs.

Once, velociraptors were turkey-sized, before traitweavers shaped them for work. Other animals had been shaped, too, but raptors were especially amenable to weaving. The practice became outlawed, but crates of woven raptors had already been shipped; some escaped, went wild. Now, Rodelia’s seven-foot cousins haunted these deserts.

“I wouldn’t … make it to Utah.” The files from last night’s raid listed a large Veritas facility there.

Rodelia rumbled. Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh …

I remembered enough of Veer’s laboratory to know I never spoke human words there. I picked up English and Chinese from other humans, but raptor-language was my mother-tongue. I was Veer’s handler. Didn’t talk, but drank serum, unharnessed and harnessed his raptors. Treated wounds. Held them as they keened in my arms. They obeyed my hisses and growls unquestioningly. Veer, though, wove command-words into his test subjects. If he was displeased, he’d utter those phrases; we’d shriek in pain until we complied. I remembered spilling serum because I was sick of it eroding my mind. He’d command-worded me, watched me thrash about before making me lap it off the floor.

But I could talk now. I could use Veer’s command-words.

Could make Rodelia address me.

Did she dream of running in a real raptor pack? Maybe she’d tried telling me, but I couldn’t understand. Maybe I didn’t want to understand, she being all I had.

“We’ll get serum from the Baron,” I promised. “Then–” What came after then? The airship jostled, and my stomach lurched. Finally, Rodelia turned to me, nosed my hair.

Rrrrrrrr-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh.

A-ma-daaa. Retreat …

Grateful, I reached up, grabbed her snout. “It’ll be okay, Rodes.”

I stumbled below-decks. My voice was getting raspier. My eyes darker. I wouldn’t be able to hide this much longer.

It was in the costume room Madam Chien cornered me. “You’ve found what you’ve been looking for all these nights, haven’t you? What’s in Phoenix, Amada?”

I shoved my cracked hands behind my back. “Fame for the troupe. Second chance for Rodes and me.”

Madam Chien sighed. “I was sold into opera, you know. Years I spent, against my will, training in Eastern and Western opera … but I lucked upon traveling countrymen. I didn’t need to get as familiar with an airship’s under-compartments as you and Rodelia. Besides myself, I didn’t steal anything–”

I didn’t twitch, but she nodded. “Even we can tell how sophisticated Rodelia’s weavings are. And … her scars–”

“Look, we just–”

“I don’t care about your past, Amada. I don’t care that you’re stealing my show, so long as my family’s safe. Whatever’s in Phoenix … Oh … your cheek’s bleeding–”

I hissed as she reached for my face. It’d steamed from my clenched teeth, instinctual, vicious. My sharp, sharp teeth.

I snatched a coat off the racks, a wide-brimmed hat, brushed past her.

“I once had a daughter!” she blurted to my back, stopping me short. “This family could be yours … if you’d–Wait!”

I pushed on. The troupe loved Rodelia. She was gentle, loved playing fetch. Me, though. If they ever discovered my true nature …

In the hold, I navigated chests to my loosened board: two vials of serum remaining. Funny, how this almond-scented substance I once despised, I now craved.

I sighed, but it came out, eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh …

Serum stabilized me, but it fogged my memory. My earliest remembrance was gripping the bars of a cage. Was I an orphan Veer captured? Someone nobody would miss, so he could practice human traitweaving?

Humans were the exact opposite of raptors–they took to weaving easily; human life-fibers rejected it. Thus, human traitweaving was forbidden.

The Baron must’ve been some genius to manage me: my ability with languages, how I’d learned reading so quickly, my raptor-strength–Veer meant more for me than raptor-handling. The more my mutations accelerated, the more I discovered.

But I didn’t want to see what other scaly presents he’d woven under my skin.

First show we tried, Rodelia clawed the sand, a foot from the curtain that might as well have been a canyon the way she’d dug in.

I shoved, but even my traitwoven strength couldn’t budge her. “Come … on … Rodes!”

Retreat!, she hissed. Retreat!

Beyond the curtain, Manager Shen stalled the audience. They’d heard Rodelia’s roars, though, were looking nervously our way.

Manager Shen’s nephew, Ah-Shen, eyed Rodelia’s sickle-claws. “Stage fright.”

“Are you kidding me?” I growled, shoving off Rodelia.

“I’ve been raised by an opera-troupe, Amada.”

I wouldn’t use command-words. I wouldn’t. But if we failed here, we lost everything. I bolted towards the airship floating above the redrock behind us.

“Um, Amada?” Ah-Shen yelled.

“Watch her!” I yelled back.

There was something else I’d been keeping under my loosened board besides serum.

When I returned, Ah-Shen was standing stock-still. Rodelia’s eyes rolled; she flexed human fingers–like gripping that battleax Veer made her wield for her duels.

In those scarred, lab-woven hands, I laid a doll. It was doe-eyed, hair in ringlets, lavender dress dotted with tiny purple flowers. Rodelia froze.

I flushed. “Her name’s … Victoria–”

We’d passed a general store weeks ago. Rodelia stopped before the window, looming over this doll, raptor-eyes gone liquid in a way I’d never seen before. The way she purred at that glass brought me back with some dollars Manager Shen paid me.

I’d been hedging, figuring how to give it to her–but now Rodelia cradled Victoria. Raptor eyes couldn’t cry, but …

Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh …

She clutched Victoria onstage, opened wide, and Madam Chien’s voice awed the audience.

Ah-Shen and everyone backstage crowded the curtains, but I stumbled off. My skin burned. Whatever Veer intended, I didn’t think my life-fibers were meant to hold a raptor.

From the stage, cheering. Applause.

I cried–my tears were black. What would happen to Rodelia? What of that creature the Baron stole, who was a girl before his experiments?

That day forward, Rodelia carried Victoria everywhere, slept with it cradled close.

The Rapturous Raptor was a roaring success.

Manager Shen swaggered onstage, Rodelia following. Someone yelled Spanish that she mimicked perfectly. Chinese prospectors shouted in some dialect, neither Cantonese nor Mandarin. She reflected it back.

Rodelia had to really concentrate for human voices. It was why we couldn’t communicate that way.

Despite being outlawed, human-handed raptors hauled rocks here. In hotels, raptor-bellhops stood ramrod straight. But I’d never heard anyone wanting a raptor who duplicated sound. Maybe Veer wanted raptor-spies, as well as seven-foot axe-wielding soldiers.

He never called her Rodelia. I called her Rodes, but she picked Rodelia. After hearing a child being called Rodelia, she’d started making uk-uk-uk-uk-uk noises, rocking her tail.

Veer called me something else, too, but I didn’t care to remember.

Rodelia’s raptor-name for me … that never changed. That, I remember clearly.

Lessened serum meant my memories were unclouding. If I was sixteenish, how old was Rodelia? An adult in raptor reckoning? If I concentrated, maybe I could …

Thunderous applause startled me back to present.

Rodelia tromped backstage, grabbed Victoria while Madam Chien and other performers passed for their show. Chien looked to me, but I ignored her.

After they exited, Rodelia snarled, using my voice: “Utah.”

I shoved up the sleeve of the coat I wore everywhere, uncovered the beetle-hide puncturing my skin. Not healthy raptor scales, but black, chitin-hard growth. It was worse round my spine. I knew she smelled the fever coursing through me.

“I’ve been taking serum, small sips, but that only affects the surface. My body’s rejecting it, Rodes.”

Onstage, Madam Chien sang the Dragon Bride’s sorrows, being captured from her faraway land, forced to marry a ruthless king. Offstage, Rodelia keened her own sad song.

Amada …

“He needs to pay, Rodes. He–raaaaaaaaa-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh …”

By the time we reached Yuma, we were making triple-earnings. The question was asked: could Rodelia’s performance be expanded?

“How about a doctor, Miss Amada?” Manager Shen asked gently. “It would be no trouble for us.”

I hissed, and he looked away.

Madam Chien was oddly silent. “Let them try,” she murmured. Everyone cheered.

Mei-Li the seamstress started a dress. Rodelia had to stand straight for various fabrics Mei-Li threw over her. Rodelia rumbled darkly; Mei-Li paled. I pointed her to Victoria sitting on a chair. The seamstress concocted a lavender affair with violets lining the bodice, a silver wig with purple flowerets like Victoria’s–these Rodelia accepted.

Gum-Loong the painter started painting the flower-set wig; the lavender dress; Rodelia’s regal stance; human hands–but just half her face, jaws open in mid-vocalization.

“I’ll do her eyes last,” he explained. “Something’s missing, though. With her hands.”

I studied the painting. He was right, but I couldn’t place it.

At Flagstaff, Rodelia strode onstage in dress and wig, gobsmacking everyone. But they cheered when she opened her jaws and released the “Four Part Song.” She hunkered offstage, rumbling disapproval. Soon as the dress came off, she cracked her spine, assumed her natural raptor’s crouch.

At Flagstaff, Rodelia strode onstage in dress and wig, gobsmacking everyone.

Manager Shen returned from town with a fancy-looking invitation. “The Orpheum in Phoenix has renovated–they want us to be their inaugural performance!” He squinted at the print. “A baron has requested us! Baron … Vvv-ver–”

“Veer,” I said.

Rodelia growled low.

“You’ve heard of him?” Manager Shen asked.

Every day, my memories sharpened. I remembered Veer watching his sword-wielding raptors duel, scribbling in that notebook he kept in his waistcoat pocket. “Oh, yes. Baron Veer loves a good show.”

We remained in Flagstaff to prepare The Dragon Bride–with Madam Chien and Rodelia.

Townspeople gathered amongst the bracken and cacti, watching us rehearse the part where the foreign queen, about to be executed by her captor-king, revealed her true form–the dragon–and, against her kind’s peaceful nature, stormed the court.

When Madam Chien had played the part alone, she’d signified this transformation with a mask, but today Rodelia switched places with her, charging onstage in her lavender dress, her flashing silver hair. She shrieked, shredded her dress. The crowd hooted.

While they applauded, Rodelia stalked to me.

RRRRRRRRRAAaaaaa! Leave Baron!

I removed my hat, bared my fangs. I’d seen my reflection to know I didn’t have eye-whites anymore, just sheens of darkness. “We escaped, but he’s … still … hurting … me.”

Rodelia nuzzled my forehead. Amada. He force. Now we choose.

Because of my decay, I understood her better now than ever before.

But it was too late. I pointed to the suited men among the still clapping crowd. Veer’s men. From this distance, everyone must’ve thought we were chatting about hairstyles. “He knows we’re with the August Court. We run, he’ll attack them.”

Rodelia roared, RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

She streaked across the sand, vanishing through some redrock. In the sudden quiet, I waved, replaced my hat. “BATHROOM BREAK!”

The crowd laughed.

Rodelia would return. She was just shocked; her raptor’s mind couldn’t conceive how human plots worked. But I’d explained it to her. We’d announced ourselves with the Rapturous Raptor. Now that Veer knew we were in Arizona, his associates would ensure we headed to the Orpheum. If we didn’t, they’d slaughter those she’d come to love.

I slept far from camp now. The turning worsened at night. Drifting between waking and sleeping, I imagined walking the laboratory’s corridors again–Veer made his subjects duel in booby-trapped mazes–and CLACK–I smelled serum. I ran towards light spilling from an opened door, but through that door I saw … me … human me … in a violet-set dress and silver ringlets, staring back.

I reached out–with no hand, but a scaly, three-clawed raptor’s manus–an old nightmare, something I dreamed often–

Behind me, this sad, sad moaning–UHHHHHHHHHH …

It was me—I was moaning–I was sad–

I jolted awake to Rodelia cradling me. I’d been sipping serum to survive, letting it addle my memories even as they cleared. I’d one vial left–for Phoenix. Rodelia crooned, eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh, raptor-eyes sad. She mewled her raptor-name for me, and as I drifted, I thought I heard in her calling something of wide vistas and the running pack, sun and sky.

Amada … Amada choose retreat …

My clawed hands clenched.

Never.

He had to pay.

From Full Autumn Moon‘s view amongst the clouds, Phoenix looked alabaster, enormous factories puffing smoke like carnival fairy floss. Atmospheric balloons floated over flagstone plazas, silver-skinned steam-cars and trains. A rose-winged dirigible bearing laughing passengers passed us, raptors shoveling coal in the engine compartment. We descended below Phoenix’s skyline, approaching a columned building and its landing square.

“The Orpheum,” Manager Shen murmured. “Newly renovated. You’ve recovered just in time, Amada!”

I wore a cream-colored dress Mei-Li made me. My skin was clear, my irises humanly brown again. But the raptor within clawed away. My whole body felt clenched.

I smiled for Manager Shen.

The airship didn’t anchor this time, but landed on the flagstones.

From a ramp, Rodelia descended in a new dress, alongside Madam Chien and everyone else. Rodelia’s sickle-claws click-click-clicked on the flagstones. Behind us, Ah-Shen and other stagehands bore props. I’d made Rodelia leave Victoria, hardening myself to her whines. Her hands twitched; she turned, sniffed, sniffed again, the picture of nervousness in a raptor.

“Wait!”

Queue bouncing, Gum-Loong the painter ran up to hand Rodelia … a lavender fan. The something that was missing. Rodelia flipped it open with dexterous fingers.

At the square’s roped-off edge, men and women in opulent dress applauded. The Baron was nowhere in sight, but he was here. Long as the crowd was around, he’d be careful.

Orpheum staff in crimson jackets ushered us inside. Plush seat-rows unfolded from the stage like layered rose petals, everything reeking of new wood, fresh varnish. They’d spared no expense. Madam Chien smiled, but didn’t look impressed.

I caught Rodelia eyeing me sadly. Since I’d downed my last vial, a curtain dropped between us. My ears had regressed; I couldn’t parse her raptor-nuance so well.

“Rodes. Look.” Reaching behind some boxes, I brought out Victoria. She purred in surprise. I couldn’t keep it away after all. “I’ll handle the Baron. You don’t have to do anything.”

She nuzzled her doll, not hearing me. Her home aboard Full Autumn Moon was assured. They were her family now, would care for her better than I ever could. She’d be safe, once I took care of Veer.

Yesterday, I’d pulled Ah-Shen aside. “In case I’m … busy … you’ll take care of her? See she has Victoria? That she gets to hunt off-ship?”

He’d cocked his head. “Of course. Is everything all right?”

“Everything’s perfect,” I’d replied. “At long last, we’re playing in Phoenix tomorrow.”

Baron Veer entered with the audience, surrounded by suited men. He didn’t see me, but, oh, I saw him from the rafters I’d climbed onto. I hissed. Black jacket, pasty face, a big man I could easily shred. He kept glancing to the stage, hungry for his escaped subjects–the ones he didn’t euthanize.

The last of the serum was fading fast. I was remembering the night he gave that order. He’d used his command-words, made me kill my raptors. My raptors! They watched me through their muzzles, not understanding what I was injecting them with. Through tears, I watched their eyes flutter.

There I was, one raptor left, holding that huge needle before Rodelia. She always obeyed me. Always. She … said something … something that broke the spell … my name … my raptor-name …

We escaped that night.

The stage lights dimmed, reminding me of my mission.

I gripped the beam. Rrrrrrrrrrrrr-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh …

All through the audience hushing, the first strains of song, the opening battle scene, I stared at Veer, feeling my body sear away any last dregs of serum. Weeks of turning reasserted themselves.

He squirmed, impatient for Rodelia’s appearance. He wasn’t into opera, didn’t know the story. If he uttered his command-words, I’d freeze, and he was fast with them. I needed to wait until he was completely absorbed. I needed to wait until Rodelia’s entrance.

Intermission, lemonade in sparkling glasses, chatter. Someone announcing the Veritas-sponsored renovations to gentle applause.

Veer renovated the Orpheum?

But the curtains rose again; Madam Chien, as foreign concubine, got dragged out. The king ordered her execution. She ran backstage and Rodelia strode forth–the Dragon Bride. Everyone gasped as Rodelia sang her rage and sorrow, ready for the slaughter. Below me, Baron Veer leaned forward …

He wasn’t looking at her. His head darted round … looking … for me?

His human experiment? The girl who’d lapped serum off the floor, while he took notes? Not just once. I’d been refusing serum for weeks, so he’d made an experiment of it.

Rodelia’s voice crescendoed, lifting Veer’s eyes upward. His eyes widened. With my raptor-hearing, I heard him whisper. “Subject Camille-Zero.”

I leaped down, claws extended, dress billowing like bat wings.

RRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAA!

Rodelia’s soprano voice changed into a raptor’s call. In that split-second of mid-descent, I finally understood Rodelia–really understood her. She sung the song of the pack, hideous to human hearing, but to me … it was about sunsets and sunrises, cool night, hard sand under sickle-claws, tail held taut like a sail, guiding the sprint. It was my name, my true raptor-name she’d been calling me all along.

He forced us. Now we choose.

Do not kill for him, Mother. Not anymore.

I landed amongst screams, audience members leaping up. Onstage, Madam Chien and the others gaped.

Veer was within reach, a meat-bag ready for shearing … but … Mother … Why’d she … ? All this time, it wasn’t Amada she’d been saying …

“Camille-16-alpha–HOLD!”

I froze, collapsed onto one knee. Camille. That was my designation.

“Release the Scyllas!” Veer yelled. “Collect Camille-Zero!”

His men rose, pulling syringes from their jackets.

CLACK.

Somewhere in the Orpheum, a door had opened. There was hissing, the scent of cloying gas … and clanking–metal grating against metal. Something heavy, coming our way.

Veer made his subjects duel in booby-trapped mazes.

Rodelia shredded her dress, vaulted from the stage.

“Viktra-16-alpha–HOLD!” Veer commanded imperiously. Rodelia squalled in mid-leap, crashed onto the carpet. Veer’s men surrounded her quivering form. Retreat, Mother!

“Kill the Viktra!” Veer ordered. “Contain Camille-Zero!”

I remembered.

The Camilles were first, for infiltration. Their weavings were extensive; all died, except one. The Viktras were for combat. Was there a Scylla series, though? I roared, reptilian scales bursting through my cheeks.

People at the edges of the seat-rows gasped.

“My god … what is she?”

“She’s not human!”

They were right. I was no human turned raptor … but a raptor woven to look human.

The Baron was going to kill my daughter. A Viktra-clone, but my daughter nonetheless. Sprawled on the ground, Veer’s men mounting her, Rodelia’s wide eyes found mine. She opened wide, repeating what she’d said that night we’d escaped, the first part in Veer’s voice, the last in raptor: “Camille-16-alpha–free yourself, Mother!”

Lapping serum off the floor, for weeks, had lessened the dosage–I’d understood her that night.

And, as happened that night, I obeyed. I knocked my attackers back, leapt to Rodelia. Speaking was hard; I needed to concentrate: “Vvvvviktra-16-a-alphaaa–ssssssSTAND!”

Forced to comply, Rodelia righted herself, tossing off men, just as two saurian beasts lumbered into the hall. Raptors taller than Rodelia, in breastplates and helms, raptor-sized rifles in human hands, reeking of acrid rot and almond-scented serum.

People flooded the theater’s far sides as they bayed, “UUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHH …”

They were blind, eyes milky white. Their skin, ulcerous, wet. The gas–some serum-vapor–they were unstable, shambling forth unsteadily.

“Scyllas!” the Baron yelled. “Attack!”

Rodelia and I engaged. I landed before Veer, claws held high. Veer’s smug expression faded–he looked for his enforcers, but they were running–finally! He would pay!

A Scylla rammed its rifle stock into Rodelia’s jaw, crumpling her. A bayonet extruded from the other’s barrel.

I could end Veer so easily! But Rodelia … the Scylla raised its bayonet … Rodelia’s words, Now we choose—

Advance, or retreat? Utah, or Phoenix? Serum, or Veer? Veer … or … ? Kill, or … ?

Like the Dragon Bride, I poured my fury into a single call: STOP! The Scyllas froze, white eyes flicking to me.

“Camille-16-alpha!” Veer yelled, “TWO STEPS BACK!” My feet moved, one, two. But I dropped claws of my own volition.

Children, I begged the Scyllas. Don’t kill for him! Their armored heads turned to me, rifles lowering.

The Baron was talking, saying it was over, the Scyllas were deaf to all but his voice, a new traitweaving after my escape–and I didn’t care. I’d listened enough to him, when I should’ve been listening to Rodelia, my clone-daughter. These Scyllas were my daughters, too.

Children!, I pleaded over his words. I understand now. I thought I had to kill him. That killing was the only way for him. For me. I was wrong. You can choose—

Veer stamped his foot. “Camille-Zero, you will listen! Scylla-16-alpha–COLLECT CAMILLE-ZER–”

“Scylla-16-alpha–TURNABOUT!”

Veer blinked. He hadn’t spoken, but his voice …

Rodelia was standing now, jaws open. She’d heard that order many times. The Scyllas faced Veer.

“That’s not me, you fools! Scylla-16-alpha–BELAY PREVIOUS ORDER!”

The Scyllas wickered, confused.

“Scylla-16-alpha,” Rodelia commanded. “ATTACK!”

Despite their blindness, they leveled rifles with alarming accuracy. People surged for the archways, no longer caring how close to the Scyllas they got. The Baron turned, but I grabbed him, plunged claws into his midsection–he screamed. I yanked out his notebook, years of scribbled notes.

His work disintegrated in my fist, pages spilling instead of blood. Fabric tore as he broke away. The Scyllas stalked after him.

Wait! I called, Don’t follow. Please! They ignored me, clanking through the archway he’d disappeared through.

Beyond, I heard Veer shouting, “Help! Velociraptors in the theater–some monster in a dress!” There was gunfire, the Scyllas’ sad moaning.

Rodelia nudged me. Mother?

I didn’t have teeth anymore. Fangs. I had fangs. A tongue that struggled forming human sounds. I couldn’t protect her. Not without my human words. It hurt to breathe. Twice, she’d saved me. I had to save her.

“Vvvvviktra-s-si-sixteeeeeeen-alphaaaa,” I managed. Rodelia cocked her head, confused.

The rest, I said in raptor: Run. Live. Don’t follow me.

“AAAAAAAAA-RAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

She thrashed, shook her head wildly in denial. She moved towards me, but I raked her forearm, drawing blood. She screamed, turned, and was gone. It hurt. Like something ripped from me, vanished forever. I crouched by the stage, claw-hand brushing something:

Not Victoria … the fan. Still carrying her scent.

“Come, Amada.” I smelled Madam Chien. She pulled my arm over her shoulder, dragged me along until we crashed into the screaming night.

She took me to some empty house. The August Court wouldn’t leave Phoenix for a while. I wanted to apologize, but I couldn’t talk anymore.

“You poor child,” Madam Chien said, sounding far away. Her words blurred. “Veritas … found Veer’s notebook … He was perfecting the serum off you … It would’ve allowed monstrous weavings–”

I was losing my human ears.

My ability to tell time, too. She brought meat that I turned from.

Sunlight burned me. I crawled in a ragged robe, smeared with melted skin. Madam Chien lit candles I cowered from.

But the flickering glow struck something my ruined eyes remembered. I found my feet. Click-drag, click-drag, click-click. Something rectangular. What was the word … door. In it, a woman in a violet-set dress. Her face wasn’t finished.

“Hello, Amada.” I flinched; it was Gum-Loong. The painter.

“The investigators want an exhibit,” Madam Chien said from behind me. “An illustration of her … augmentations. We never took a daguerreotype of her–”

Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh … They weren’t bothered by the sounds I made. I touched a claw to the frame.

I reached out–with no hand, but a scaly, three-clawed raptor’s manus–an old nightmare, something I dreamed often–

It was me–my best part. Rodelia, who loved a doll named Victoria. How long was I in Veer’s laboratory, shaped by his chemicals?

The Camilles were first. Their weavings were extensive; all died, except one.

Madam Chien held out a familiar-looking dress, sewn anew, absent of her scent. Madam Chien helped me into it. Gum-Loong prepared his brushes, but I made a sound.

“Here.” Madam Chien pushed the fan into my claws. “We couldn’t find Victoria.”

It took several sessions, what with my weakness. Each time they left the easel, I crawled to the meat they’d brought, and fed.

How long did I writhe on that floor, feeding, shivering?

After each painting session, the image evolved. She was singing. Calling me forth. My raptor-hearing had finally come. Songs of sunlight. Desert sand. Running with the pack. I tossed my robe. Tail raised, I click-click-clicked outside.

So many raptor scents in the night. Enslaved in mines, in hotels, locked in pens. I had many children once. I would have many children again.

But first, my daughter.

I called into the desert, to announce my coming.

RRRRRRRRR–AAAAAAAAAA–EH-EH-EH-EH-EH-EH-EH …

Amada (last name unknown) is currently at large in Arizona. She is wanted by the authorities of Phoenix for the destruction of the Orpheum Opera House, for questioning regarding the now defunct Veritas Elixirs and Tinctures, for the trial of Baron Helmut Veer concerning illegal experiments. Be forewarned, she is 5 feet 2 inches, sixteen years, brown-eyed, and of slight build, but possesses strength and agility most uncanny. She was a raptor-handler for an opera troupe. She speaks and reads many languages, is familiar with airships, and converses with raptors. $500 reward–yield her up.

Andrew K. Hoe is an associate professor of English and speculative fiction author based in Southern California. He is also an assistant editor and narrator for Cast of Wonders. Though he is excited to appear in Mad Scientist Journal, he is actually not a mad scientist–but insists that nobody can be perfect.

Twitter: @andrewk_hoe

Web: andrewkhoe.wordpress.com

Leigh’s professional title is “illustrator,” but that’s just a nice word for “monster-maker,” in this case. More information about them can be found at http://leighlegler.carbonmade.com/.

Fiction: Victorian Velociraptor with Violets was originally published on Mad Scientist Journal

#Amada #Andrew K. Hoe #Dinosaurs #Genetic Engineering #Leigh Legler

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luci-cunt · 5 years

Link

OH SHIT I FINISHED!!! And now–

A complete Foxhole Court rewritten from the lovely Andrew Minyard’s point of view :D

(alkjsd;fkj I’m so tired XD I’ll star trk soon, for now tho ima sleep)

Snippet?:

“It’s Seth, they found him at Bacchus–they’re calling it an overdose.” Wymack said, his voice sounded tight, strained like he was trying to keep up the calm and put together facade.

“Overdosed like how?” Andrew asked apathetically. Seth had overdosed in the past, but he’d just gotten stuffed in a hospital until they spit him back out and threatened him with rehab. But Andrew had a feeling he knew this time there wasn’t going to be that kind of chance for Seth Gordon.

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aftgficrec · 3 years

Note

CAN YALL FIND ME ANY FICS WITH AUTISTIC CHARACTER(S) LITERALLY ANY CHARACTER IM SO STARVED FOR REPRESENTATION?!?!?!?

t h a n k y o u ! ! !

We’re here to feed your need! Also, we’ve been tagging for this, but I just discovered it’s not on the tag page. You can now find our autistic character tag at the very end of the tag page under “other.” - A

Also see…

autistic monsters here

Andrew on the spectrum here

autistic monsters-story focused here

more autistic foxes here

autistic Andrew here

adhd/autistic Andrew here

new autism fics here

‘A Study in Feelings by Aaron Minyard’ (since updated) here

‘The Trials and Tribulations of Being a Teacher’ (since updated) here

‘just know you're not alone...’ here

The Fear of Being Known by infernalstars [Rated G (we say T), 2188 Words, Complete, 2020]

Bee suggests that Neil might be autistic. He doesn't handle it well, but Andrew's there to help.

tw: ableism, tw: dissociation

pretty boy by lervoids [Rated G, 3273 Words, Complete, 2020]

Neil knows that Andrew finds him attractive... But does he think he's pretty?

An offhand comment makes Neil realize he likes wearing skirts more than expected.

This is the sea by Sharking [Not Rated, 5125 Words, Incomplete, Updated Dec 2020]

Andrew and Neil become unlikely friends to fulfill Neil’s final wish, to see the ocean before he dies.

tw: major character death, tw: terminal illness, tw: poverty, tw: child abuse

angel from hell by deveil [Rated M, 4023 Words, Incomplete, Updated Oct 2020]

Neil Josten has been dead for six years. For six years he has been a guardian angel, completing assignment after assignment, guided by the cold and unfeeling hand of Death….Neil expects his next assignment to be the same: simple and predictable. Dismantle. Discover. Discard. But Andrew Minyard is anything but simple and predictable.

tw: past major character death, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: blood/gore, tw: violence

the prince in the raven tower by whichlights [Rated T, 16537 Words, Complete, 2018, Locked]

When Kevin was small, too small to know any better but not too old to have lost all imagination, he dreamed that a dashing prince would come to rescue him….And of course, his prince would be very good at Exy

tw: psychological trauma, tw: homophobia, tw: transphobia, tw: violence, tw: abuse, tw: implied/referenced drug use, tw: alcohol, tw: referenced suicide, tw: canonical character death, tw: blood, tw: implied/referenced rape/non con, tw: implied/referenced animal death

Making bad decisions by Wildeforthemoon [Rated T, 360 Words, Incomplete*, Updated March 2021]

Kevin Day doesn't know what to do. And maybe that's okay. Or Kevin Day working through his issues one step at a time, from when Riko breaks his arm.

tw: implied/referenced violence, tw: vomit

*NB: Although marked complete, this appears to be a WIP with more to come

Kevin Day is ND hc by @kevinandthepalmetthoes [Tumblr, 2021]

when I first read aftg, I immediately recognised myself in Kevin. what I saw was a lot of my autistic traits in his character, and I was sort of shocked when I found out it wasn't canon that he was autistic/adhd.

Reply to comment on Andrew’s character in Minyard-Josten Rivalry by @andrew-is-foxy [Tumblr, 2021]

I write Andrew as autistic because it’s my interpretation of his character...

autistic neil josten headcanons by @fxndowstuffwhynot [Tumblr, 2020]

- Neil’s special interests would probably be exy and languages right??

- Even when he had money to buy new clothes he refused cause the worn out fabric from his old clothes didn’t give him sensory overload

per your post "every single one of the monsters is autistic and/or adhd" will you elaborate on that? hc by @palmett-hoes [Tumblr, 2020]

okay so i’ve written several posts before about why andrew is autistic. his moral code, the roundabout way he communicates, his body language, his stimulation-seeking behavior, his strict adherence to transactional deals, the emphasis on honesty, and a dozen other details. at this point i just take andrew being autistic as fact, not just an interpretation

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unhhhhbelievable · 2 years

Note

Hello i am bored and would like to join the essay-in-your-inbox party, except im not very introspective about this t&k discourse other than the fact that they are soulmates, periodt. With that being said, id like to offer you a reading of a passage from one of our holy scriptures:

I’m Roxxxy Andrews and I’m here to make it clear

I know you love me baby, that’s why you brought me here

Was a bitch on season five, I’m gonna make it right

Give me a sewing challenge and I’ll give you what you like

I’m pulling tricks baby, just like on Halloween

A room full of monsters and it makes me want to scream

I have to get this right, so you don’t waste your time

Not like my comedy, I’m killing on this rhyme

I’m gonna show you what I can do

You’re going crazy and seeing two

It’s not your fault, you can’t blame my game

All these other hoes, but they’re all the same

Periodt.

And thank you for these holy words, twas needed in these trying times.

Read U,

Wrote U.

Awomen.

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enigmatic-elegance · 5 years

Text

Mas’ Must Follow MASterpost

[In no particular order]

People

@risrielthron One of the best. You will feel as if you are talking with your lifelong friend. Sweet, friendly, and generous. A true example of who we should all try to be more like.

@theodorebennas Daddy Beans. Chill dude. Knows he can be a bit of a meme and owns it. Actually extremely smart and has a ton of good sense. Crusade!

@tanzrielle Super chill in the most not chill way. Will talk your ear off about their awesome characters and want to hear all about your own too. Great person to know and bounce ideas off of.

@thebattlesheep @a-sheep-does-art Sweet thing. Loves to meet new people. Does not RP much but when they do they kill it.

@possum Loser. (Seriously such a humorous, sweet, and all around amazing person.)

@wiedaashcroft Really great character, and the person who plays them is extremely laid back and chill.

@the-petalpaw-family They don’t RP as much right now, but their stories and characters are next level. No lie, they take things like plot and character lineage to places you rarely see. Amazing places.

@kat-hawke ICly very interesting and intense character. OOCly a more grounded individual. Blunt, but never cruel.

@darthscharactervault Someone who does not give themselves nearly enough credit for how creative they are with their ideas and characters.

@gwenya Often NSFW but she’s a gem of a person. Amazing, chill, down for whatever. She’s the raunchy friend you never knew you wanted.

@the-real-arcanist-val Smart person, fantastic writer, extremely sensible and rational. All around someone you want to know.

@vaard Never personally interacted with him, but he’s an iconic figure among the community. Everyone should follow. (Does not take commissions but is an amazing artist, too.)

@harvee-sarah-zena One of my closest RP partners. Might not post as much as they SHOULD but if you can catch them their RP is some amazing work. And their characters are all so unique.

@thegreatnyehehe Likely not returning to WoW any time soon, but still one of the best characters ever. To this day, worth reading through their posts.

@kinzorscarstorm Chill dude with a cool character. Have not interacted much IC, but respect them OOC for their char and methods.

@open-world-azeroth Not really a ‘person’ but a great resource for some fantastic RP spots.

@mediocre-bladeleaf Very cool aesthetic, and from what I see of their writings they have some awesome characters.

@draenei-tales Shout out to a fellow active and really cool looking Draenei RPer. All I see from them is extremely interesting.

@leora-strauss Don’t know much about the character but their aesthetic is so amazingly cool.

@serelia-evensong Active and interesting RPer. Will fill your dash up with fun to read posts of all kinds.

@susan-gampre Hoe. But she knows it. And she’s good at it. The character and RPer both are sassy and take no shit, and I love them for it.

@storykeeper-wra Spooky character. But not tired and boring spooky. The sort that’s very interesting. Like a good book. Makes sense they are the storykeeper, because their story is very appealing.

@halforc-mercenary Have always wanted to interact with their character but never much got the chance. Still adore their writings on my dash, and they often impress me with their plots and quality.

@rhysgoodwin Cute char, updates often, fantastic writer.

@priestess-nightfury Elf RP/Aesthetic at some of its very best.

@stonestridernerd They will love you and make you feel like the best person ever just be hurling likes at you and complimenting your work. They are just a gem of a person. So, so sweet.

@theshadowborn Shame I’[ve not interacted with their character much, but they are a clearly talented writer.

@durotan-ofthe-frostwolf Lot of OOC silly stuff, but genuinely a cool person and always a pleasure to see on your dash.

@ranekvilmas Just a very talented writer and all around chipper guy. One of those people who always has something interesting on their blog to read.

@penvenomstarkstar A good head on this one’s shoulders. ICly their character is extremely well written with so, so much depth. Endless things to discover here.

@ravenpriest DAMN awesome aesthetic. Really nails the gothica vibe.

@longveil Such a cool aesthetic. I’d follow for that alone, and there is so much more there too.

@kyuusei-shadowleaf Another blog worth the follow for aesthetic alone. So cool to see across your dash.

@k-sunrael Followed for a long time. Their blog can sometimes be a bit NSFW but the content is quality.

@monster-of-master In the vibe of ‘dark’ aesthetic without being overtly in your face. The sort of subtle horror we all secretly crave. Very much enjoy their content.

@summysparklesprocket Such an amazing, kind, and funny person. And the character is next level because they are a Gnome taken seriously. Love them.

@quai-mason @andrew-mason Extremely talented writer and one of the few who posts so, so frequently. You’ll eagerly await their next post, trust me.

@unabashedrebel ICly they are a very cool character with awesome stories. OOCly they are a smart and conscience driven individual with a good moral sense. More than once they’ve shown they are not afraid to stick up for what matters. Lot of respect.

@safrona-shadowsun Killer character aesthetic, great reblogs, and does not ruin their theme with bullshit. Fantastic follow, this one.

@helryder666 All over the place with their posts, but its never unwelcome or uninteresting. They always seem to know what you wanna see, even if you don’t know.

@thewardancer Some of the best troll aesthetic I’ve seen, honestly.

@brandstonethings Just a big bear of a man. I love him, and you will too. He’s so well written he feels alive.

@archmage--khadgar I hesitate with people who RP lore characters. This one managed to be one of my few exceptions. They actually do a really great job with it.

@forhonorandglory Only followed for a short time, but still worth it in my books. Sharp wit, great character.

@covexalexanderkingsley Don’t know if they still RP as much these days but they remain a very fantastic and creative individual.

@eilitheduskbringer Very talented writers. One of the best I’ve seen. And they host to an amazing community I’ve come to respect.

@thepalewolfhowls Great artist too, but I mainly know them for their awesome character and fantastic sense of story and plot.

Guild/Other

@the-royal-courier A fantastic source of events and stories. While they don’t host many writings of their own, they still reblog community events. Absolutely advise a follow.

@stormwinduniv Been around about as long as my old arse. Very talented group of writers who put on so many community events and intellectually focused debates.

@the-silver-circle A group of extremely talented writers focused entirely on Kaldorei writing and storylines. Very high levels of respect from me.

@moment-in-time-wra Less a ‘guild’ but still a great service for in game photography. They make your events look fantastic! Run by Risri.

@atc-wra A very talented small group of RPers who know how to make stories pop. You just want to be a part of them, or read what happens next.

@deadsunharbor Very fantastic crew who are open to all manner of amazing RP opportunities. They do criminal/dark correctly and with finesse rarely seen.

@oathswornvanguard Lawful good guild done proper. They have stood the test of time not only with their quality but their kindness and openness to the community.

@wraconnect A great source of WoW events and blogs to follow.

@wowrpevents Another fantastic source of WoW events and blogs to follow.

@wracentral ANOTHER fantastic source of WoW events and blogs to follow.

Artists

@whimsicallyart @elaianna Talented, intelligent, observant, and all around a gem of a person. Worth knowing.

@littleliongod One of the best I have worked with. Talented, priced very fair, extremely punctual, very communicative. Can not possibly recommend enough for any commission work.

@artofaokori Worked with them before and would absolutely do so again. Their style is very unique and you’ll recognize it anywhere in a good way.

@vintrove @vinsketchbook Extremely talented. Some next level stuff. Commissioned them twice and both times they blew me away with the end product.

@catbatart @cat-bat Such a shame I’ve only worked with them one time. One day, I must commission them again because they are the sort of artist who will go that extra mile and bring your piece to life.

@ferachidoesart They are Ferachi. They do art. Really well. Great style, super unique, and their commission prices are way more reasonable than you’d expect for their amazing quality.

@auggusst-art @auggusst Really such a kind and talented soul. One of those hidden gems of tumblr. They deserve more notice, so go give it to them!

@blackdogmelancholyooc @blackdogmelancholy Nerd. But actually a really cool dude with a ton of raw talent. They are great to work with.

@anzka Have not posted here in a while, but you should take a peek. Why? Because no one. Draws. Gnomes. Better.

@planktonheretic You like thick ladies? What about buff ones? Then my friend, have I got a treat for you. That treat is Plank. Check out their Twitter too for even more fantastic work!

@kellydidathing Amazing artist. Very busy person, but worth the investment because the art is top notch.

@izzarra Talk about raw talent refined into a craft. This artist is going places, seriously. Amazing stuff.

@thestringking @jane-fitzgerald @ahn-qiraj Extremely talented young lad who I know will go on to kill it in the art industry. Already one of the best out there, no lie.

Self Plug

My blog should be easy to find, right at the top of this post here, or the bottom. If you want to see all my character blogs, please check out RIGHT HERE (under repairs atm so a few of the characters might not work or link improperly) for a complete list. Each character page here contains a link just under their summary that will take you to their individual blog. Check out the ones that interest you!

Also want to plug my own guild, @coldwall-collective, for still being some of the best writers and content creators I’ve had the pleasure of working with. Go check us out!

Not Here?

Don’t be sad! Many reasons could be the cause. Maybe we’ve just not interacted enough. Or maybe I’ve not seen many of your posts. Maybe I overlooked you because I’m silly. Any of these could be a reason. If you don’t see yourself here, it does not mean I don’t appreciate you. I do. You’re a part of what makes this community great and I have all the respect for you.

#ooc

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triggerlil · 4 years

Text

Was tagged by @dracoisabitch (thanks btw! I love tag games) to shuffle my music and write the first 10 songs 😳 let’s see what happens...

1. Hate Bein’ Sober - Chief Keef, 50 Cent, Wiz Khalifa 2. What Now - Rhianna 3. Tusk - Fleetwood Mac 4. I Am A God - Kanye West 5. Can’t Get Enough - Basenji 6. Supercut - Lorde 7. All I Ask of You (2004 movie version) - Andrew Loyd Webber etc 8. Free - Mother Mother 9. Stupid Hoe - Nicki Minaj 10. Sugar Man - Rodriguez

What the actual flipping fuck is my taste 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ I also have a lot of folk, Korean music (not k-pop tho lol), vocaloid, classical, and others... apparently I’m versatile

Ima tag @welpslytherin, @mirimora, @ghosttrope, @zzledri, @crazyconglasses, @avaeryn, and @shealwaysreads if any of y’all want to paricipate ofc (I know some people don’t like these games, so no worries!)

And if anyone sees this and wants to participate, feel free to do it and tag me ! I always need new music anyway 😂

#ask game #tag game #about me #music ask #omg

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castofwonders-blog · 5 years

Text

Cast of Wonders 384: Sphexa, Start Dinosaur

December 15, 2019

Author : Nibedita Sen

Narrator : Tal Minear

Host : Andrew K. Hoe

Audio Producer : Jeremy Carter

Artist : Alexis Goble

Show Link: http://www.castofwonders.org/2019/12/cast-of-wonders-384-sphexa-start-dinosaur/

#podcast #fiction #dinosaur #dino #science fiction #sci fi #scifiandfantasy #young adult #ya literature #writing #sfwa #young adult fantasy #short story

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madscientistjournal · 4 years

Text

Our Final Alumni Post Here!

With the closure of Mad Scientist Journal, this will be our final post sharing what our alumni have been up to on this site. Going forward, check out our Facebook and Twitter for occasional alumni news!

Recently, Atthis Arts announced the table of contents for their anthology, Community of Magic Pens, and it’s chock full of MSJ alums, including E.D.E. Bell, Andrew K. Hoe, Jennifer Lee Rossman, Lorraine Schein, Holly Schofield, D.A. Xiaolin Spires, and co-editor Dawn Vogel. You can preorder this book here!

Flame Tree Publishing has announced the lineup for their Bodies in the Library anthology, which includes classic tales and new stories from Deborah L. Davitt and Wendy Nikel! You can preorder this book here!

Finally, Deborah L. Davitt and co-editor Dawn Vogel have stories in issue 50 of New Myths!

Our Final Alumni Post Here! was originally published on Mad Scientist Journal

#Pimping

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dagboekliesa3d · 2 years

Text

08/01/2018

- Ik probeer me reeds een week te focussen op zelfzorg maar ik merk dat ik heel makkelijk terug wegglip naar mezelf vergeten en me focussen op anderen: vanochtend zag ik Instagram-post van een kennis (Andrew S.) die een huis had gekocht. Het feit an sich als mijlpaal maakt me al enigzins nijdig (het wordt als een grote stap in het leven gezien, het wordt gezien als iets om naar te streven, of je het nu wilt of niet, of het kan of niet > ik wil het wel, maar daarvoor zou ik opofferingen moeten doen die ik niet wil, bv fulltime werken  + het feit dat dit zoveel aanzien kreeg qua likes met felicitaties: op zich is het niet heel speciaal maar mensen hechten er veel waarde aan omdat dat de norm is  > het voelt onrechtvaardig omdat overwinningen als afstand doen van toxische mensen ook heel wat is voor mensen met een slechte jeugd, maar daar wordt niet naar omgekeken.  Ik voel vooral nijd omdat anderen veel meer felicitaties en aanmoedigingen verdienen. Later ook A. M. die productiviteit dmv Bitfit toonde  - Ik lijk echt het idee te hebben: hoe drukker en productiever je bent, hoe meer waarde je hebt. Mijn productieve dagen zijn ook beter dan de dagen waarin ik ontspan. Ik maan mezelf dan al snel aan mezelf te herpakken de volgende dag, alsof ik puur tijd verspild heb.  Of bv wanneer ik me te futloos voel om iets te doen, zoals gisteren wanneer ik grootste deel van de dag gamede. Als ik las/studeerde was mijn dag goed. Ik zie bv dat ik de focus op mezelf weer verlies als ik op mijn nagels begin te bijten.  - Ik voel me vanavond ook aangezogen tot sociale media ipv mijn ding te doen. Ik weet niet waarom? Dat is meer een automatisme dan focus op zelfzorg?  - Twee nachten geleden gedroomd dat 2 vrouwen van in 40-50 (waaronder buurvrouw) Flor probeerden te verleiden waar ik bij was. Het was zo pijnlijk dat ik 1 van die vrouwen kwaad uitschold in mijn droom.  De volgende ochtend voelde ik nog steeds de woede en verdriet in mijn lichaam, en ik kan Flor niet aankijken. Nadat ik opstond huilde ik het er uit in de living, Flor heeft me getroost.  Aanleiding was dat Flor me net voor slapen had verteld dat hij beter in de markt lag en dat hij meer zelfvertrouwen had dan in begin van onze relatie (het gesprek ging over hoe we veranderd zijn in relatie). Toen ik huilde om droom bekende hij dat hij dat niet had mogen zeggen omdat ik hier extra gevoelig voor was (bedreiging van andere vrouw), dat was lief, ik achtte hem niet verantwoordelijk voor mijn droom, hij was niet droom-Flor. Die avond Stardew Valley gespeeld en verder gespeeld in mijn droom (telkens ik dit speel)  - Tegenwoordig heb ik elke nacht 10u slaap nodig. Vanochtend geraakte ik weer pas uit bed om 11u45. Ik zag heel hard tegen op om mijn to do-lijst af te werken, maar heb dan toch met voldoening als drijfveer alles gedaan gekregen (zelfzorg moest er even aan geloven: pas gegeten om 14u40)  Daarom vandaag goeie dag (zie Mood tracker)  - Morgen opnieuw afspraak bij de psychologe na 3 weken  - Ik denk nog af en toe aan mama hoe het met haar zou zijn maar ik houd vast aan het idee dat ze veel afspreekt met Gerda en haar andere broers en zussen en dan niet te vaak alleen moet zijn - ondanks de afstand leef ik toch nog met haar mee (en stel me soms de vraag waarom ze geen interesse meer in me toont terwijl ik gewoon geen mondeling contact meer wil - waarschijnlijk gewoon haar manier van er mee omgaan)  Van Myra haar pagina’s blijf ik ver weg van. J. had op FB wel artikel gedeeld over K. I. Die met paniekaanvallen sukkelt, dat het moedig en moeilijk is om over zo’n dingen te praten, wat ik dan betrok op Myra.

0 notes

mmsimsoverload · 3 years

Text

Modit, joita käytän:

Mitä modei käytän?

Noh... Todella monia! Alla on listausta niistä modeista mitä käytän striimatessani:

HUOM! Osa modeista on k-18 tai sisältää muuta triggeröivää sisältöä!

🔞 = K-18 💕= Seksi/seksuaalisuus ⚔️ = väkivalta

💉= päihteet 🍺= alkoholi

💕 Wonderful Whims by TURBODRIVER

🔞🍺 Basemental Alcohol by Basemental

Kawaii Stacie

Slice of Life

Explore Mod

💕 Sugardating

Life Decider

After School Activities

MCCC by Deaderpool

Srsly's Complete Cooking Overhaul by Srsly

Andrew Poseplayer

Teleport Any Sim by Scumbumbo

UI Cheats by weerbesu

More Columns by weerbesu

Playable Pets by AOM

⚔️ Life's Drama by Sacrificial

Random Small Mods by LittleMsSam

Electronics Works In The Rain by Simmytime

Eat & Drink Faster + Prefer Tables Mod by Simularity

No Disappearing Relatives in Family Tree by Tremerion

MAC Cosmetics Hider by Bella Dovah

Scarlet's Island Event Notifications Enabled adopted by MizoreYuuki

Scarlet's SimCity Loans adopted by MizoreYuuki

Scarlet's Faster Uni Homework adobted by LittleMsSam,

No Noisy Neighbors - Thick Apartment Walls by dnmartyn

Better Excemptions by TwistedMexi

Quit Or Join School by Triplis

Pastel CAS Backgrounds by Katverse

Sky Loading Screens by Debbiepearl

Alla listattuna modit, joita käytän omassa pelissäni striimien ulkopuolella:

HUOM! Osa näistä modeista on K-18!!

🔞 = K-18 💕= Seksi/seksuaalisuus ⚔️ = väkivalta

💉= päihteet 🍺= alkoholi

Education Bundle by Kawaii Stacie

🔞💕 Wicked Whims by TURBODRIVER

🔞💕 Nisa's Wicked Perversions by Nisa || Googlettamalla löytyy

🔞⚔️ Extreme Violence by Sacrificiqal

🔞💕 Hoe It Up by Sacrificial

🔞💉🍺 Basemental Drugs by Basemental

🔞💉⚔️🍺 Bagemental Gangs by Basemental

🔞💕 Sugar Life by Ksuihuh

🔞💕 AEP Pornography by Ksuihuh

🔞💕 RedAppleNet by Ksuihuh

All Beds Same Energy Mod by Cyclelegs/ MonoChaos

No More House Fires by Cyclelegs

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aftgficrec · 4 years

Note

Do yall know any more fics where Aaron is (maybe reluctantly) protective of Neil but is still andreil? Thanks for what you guys do:D!!

We’ve recced quite a few fics already that fit what you’re looking for. Check out “Until We Go Down” from this post, “Watcher of the skies” in this one, “Raise Your Spirits” here, “Art Hoe” here, “Aaron Minyard Vs. Calculus” and “AFTG Bingo 2k18…Chapter 3: If/Then” in this Aaron ask, “Back to the Start” here, “We hide from the mirrors, they may show our scars” here, “No straighter path than to struggle” from this ask, and headcanons about Aaron & Neil talking about their mothers recced in this ask. Whew! If you still haven’t found enough, here are some more -K

Til Death Do Us Part by ApprenticedMagician [rated M, 16586 words, complete, AFTG Big Bang 2017]

Smoke and gasoline were suddenly all Neil could smell. “I’m visiting my mom’s gravesite, in California.”

Aaron shrugged his shoulders, jostling his backpack. When Neil didn’t elaborate, Aaron spat, “Nothing’s stopping you.”

“That’s just it. I need someone to…” he fidgeted with his duffel, rearranging his grip and Aaron zeroed in on his hand doing it. “Stop me. From running afterwards.”

Aaron looked like he wanted to knock Neil’s head into something hard and solid. “Why the fuck would you ask me to do that?”

Neil almost didn’t say it but his nose was still tingling with memories. “Because you had Tilda for a mother.”

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: past character death

NB: accompanying playlist for “Til Death Do Us Part” by @officialscreaming here

Knives And Spoons by moonix [rated T, 7,176 words, complete 2018]

Aaron isn’t pleased that his study buddy is starting to fall for his twin brother, but it’s happening despite his best efforts.

The Aaron/Neil Brotp by OddlyBookish [series, not rated, 15,945 words, incomplete 2020]

A set of stories showcasing how Neil and Aaron met and become best friends.

tw: panic attack, tw: drug use, tw: drug addiction

stifle my choice and the air in my lungs by CamsthiSky [rated T, 5282 words, complete 2020]

in which neil gets hurt, has a panic attack, and matt and katelyn become some sort of strange tag team

tw: panic attack, tw: major injury

Beach Bois by Side_effect_of_the_meds [rated G, 3618 words, complete 2020]

Andrew was very insistent on going to the beach for the summer and Aaron doesn’t understand why until he finds Neil alone at the edge of the shore.

tw: referenced child abuse, tw: referenced murder

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bigbrothermonopoly · 5 years

Text

EPISODE 1:

HOH: CHRIS

EVICTED: REHDER 15-0

KORI:

My first Diary Room, I'm really loving the cast right now. Haven't talked to Dem, Chris, Andrew, Rheder, Silence, Madison or Kristine yet since they have yet to be on. Hoping this was more of a some people were kindof busy or just couldn't stay up for Cast Reveal and NOT a Oh we're all gonna be a bunch of inactive bitches. Emma talked about being UTR with our relationship and actually work together this ORG for the first time after 2 times failing to do so. Dunno if that's gonna work out, but hey third time's the charm maybe. Eve and Jess are icons as per usual I'm excited to finally be playing a game with them. Eve is suggesting a possible Jackbox Alliance, we'll see if that's like an actual thing I feel like that's the easy thing though and I don't know if that's what I actually want. I definitely plan to ride with that for a little while though. Gwen is sweetheart, she seems like a Discord noob, hoping that's not like a face personality to make her seem more endearing. I'm hoping to get good with Tawni and Mackenzie, meanwhile Brien, Austin, and Nicky I'm pretty medium with so far. I'm HOPING I can like develop good relationships with all of them. But like the female side of this cast is stacked, and the men kindof leave a lot to be desired so far. Hopefully when the other half wakes up I'll get a feel for them some more.

KORI:

So, it's been not even 5 hours, I'm now in 2 alliances, one which is like not even remotely serious because Nicky just put everyone in the VC in an alliance... which is wild. Chris and Kristine came on, Chris is... interesting, for some reason I don't get good vibes from him. Something about his tone or the way he talks. He isn't really saying anything wrong, but at least on VC I don't get good vibes at all. Kristine seems like a sweetie, she's from MI too so I feel like we COULD have tons to talk about. Who knows though. Maybe she's a fake betch, only time will tell. (But hopefully she's a real one.) Still waiting on those others to get online at some point though, I need to feel EVERYONE out and so far there's still too many people that I have like no fucking clue on.

NICKY:

i honestly don’t know anyone and i’m paranoid to not be on call cuz they probably talking shit about me

JESS:

Question of the day: Why are there so many straight white males here?!

AUSTIN:

I’m super excited to be in this season of board game big brother! I’m trying to have conversations with every houseguest and make a good first impression but it’s hard to keep 17 conversations going at the same time. Also the first head of household competition has begun! I don’t want to win the first HOH because I don’t want a target on my back this early.

REDHER:

**DIARY ROOM THINGAMAJIG**: I feel that I could definitely make my move. My experience with survivor definitely suits good here. Kori, Eve, and Andrew were quick to contact me and negotiate. I feel like I could definitely use my age as an advantage ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Only one I’m not liking rn is eve she just comes on too hard but nothing really too bad yet.

JESS:

So... hmmm.. this game is.. interesting? so far? I've already been attacked by the hosts and the majority of this cast. Don't @ me but... pineapple does NOT belong on pizza! In all seriousness... this is a WEIRD group of people. Some new faces, old faces, and a bunch of unknowns. My game plan in all honesty as of right now is to let Eve think she can control me. She is one of the few people I know in this game so I kind of have no choice but to work with her while I put in the ground work with others. I want her to think I'm one of her "minions" so she thinks I'm useful and I'll do whatever she wants for now... Big personalities are sinking ships in Big Brother so gotta come up with that plan B for when Eve (probably) falls. BUT i'm kind of just trying to take this a bit slow and trying to talk to everyone right now so no brain power required. PS: I refuse to touch that HOH with a 10 foot poll. Let's do a mini little trust list? 1. Jess 100. Everyone else I don't trust any of these hoes.

KRISTINE:

So happy that Chris got HOH we came into this game together hoping one of us would win HOH and that’s exactly what happened. I’m 100% confident that I’m not going to be nominated!!! We worked together and I gave him as much information as I could. We both did. It worked perfectly. And he made himself the bigger target anyways.

MACKENZIE:

I’m a LIIIIITLE mad i came close to winning and didn’t but it’s okay bc i Kinda didn’t want too idk hxjsjzjz does chris exist though? i swear i haven’t seen him online HHHH

CHRIS:

How did I win the HOH. Not only do I have power but I also have no idea what I am doing. I am a dog trying to mix chemicals or trying to use a computer while being blindfolded and having one arm tied to my leg. I am more than happy and excited to be the first HOH but I know that brings a gigantic target on my back when I have to nominate two people. I want to make a huge move and take out any big bodies there are earlyBut I have learned that that isn’t a good scenario to start with. Hopefully I’ll have a better idea of who I want to vote for tomorrow when I talk to my closest allies which is just me and myself so looks like I’m talking to myself everyone. Well I want to go figure this out now hope y’all have a good time

KORI:

Chris is apparently VERY lucky somehow snagging the first HoH despite seeming to not really talk with anyone. So I'm honestly kindof annoyed would've preferred a Mackenzie or Eve win but not much I can really do but shut my trap and suck up in a way that doesn't seem blatantly fake. He's currently talking to me about wanting to target big and talkative people. "Fuck the VL as it were." So RIP Eve probably. I won $20 in that little task which is fun. I'm HOPING telling the Jackbox Crew wasn't a mistake, I hope the $20 isn't going to be a major reason for anyone to want me to go, especially since it's like, such a minor amount of money I feel like especially when you look towards the long term. I want to trust that group for right now though. Overall this HoH situation kinda sucks since we're probably going to lose a personality, and even more likely it'll turn out to be someone I like. Guuuhhh.

NICKY:

omg it’s joshua bassett birthday!!! periodt!! me remaining unbothered in jail because my mentions are off heheheheh

AUSTIN:

So.... nominations are tonight. I’m feeling pretty good because I’ve been chatting with Chris and we seem to be getting along. We are going to try to get a group of seven people together so we have numbers for the following weeks, but anything can happen, after all this is big brother!

BRIEN:

youtube

WILLIAM:

So obviously I'm pissed that I am nominated.... Like wtf did I ever do you, but in a way it is my fault... I have been sick the last few days and have just been laying in bed. Also I love how out of everyone in the game Chris was the one person I did not talk to before the HoH.

NICKY:

literally these people are so fucking annoying- i’ll just hop online for like 5 seconds and say nothing and all of sudden half of the cast is my dms like hey hi good morning

EMMA:

youtube

GWEN:

Fuck Cheatham This is my first official DR. I am at my mom’s house and I left my computer at home, so this will probably be shorter than usual. Yay for phones. Looks like Rehder will be the evictee tonight. Unfortunately, he did not reach out to me until like a day after the veto comp. Can I put emojis here? If I could it would be rolling eyes emoji. The uuuuuuhhliance is...it exists. Will stay loyal until I can’t I guess. The Mandela Monocles is where it is at. I feel bad that Silence got roped in my Rehder and Will for another alliance...he didn’t ask for it. I hope it doesn’t come back and bite him. Me and Kori are Left Phalanges. We will win. K thanks byyyeee

TAWNI:

I’m sick. I have no energy. I probably should have done this earlier but I wasn’t planning on being sick. I honestly don’t even know who is nominated. Neither one has messaged me soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

REHDER:

I’m doing not too good. William and Silence are confirmed and they are branching out, everyone else I’ve talked too is going with the house and I’m currently trying to convince them that the house is with me but idk. Probably exiting after tonight. It was a good run but I guess I’m only good at survivors. Anyways, I hope I get to stay in

NICKY:

i’m concerned about a couple things 1. everyone telling me i’m safe 2. everyone acting like they are in an alliance with everyone and everyone knows the plan so even if i’m safe- it feels like everyone in some big alliance and that doesn’t work well with me

WILLIAM:

I've got 2 things to say!!! IM SO PUMPED THAT I HAVE WON VETO!!! WOOOOOO. I do trust alot of people in the house but I feel much better being able to save myself and be here another week.... Also I dont know what Rehder's strategy is but it ain't working 😂😂 Hes texting me all these people who's votes he has and doesnt and another list of those who I have to text for him! What!!!!! Also I dont know if he knows but half of his list he gave plan on voting him out tonight ☠

BRIEN:

youtube

KORI:

Well as it currently stands Rehder SHOULD be going home. Which is a shame in some ways he seemed like a nice kid... messy, but still nice. I've tried pulling back a bit since Kristine mentioned that someone views me as a social threat. Not sure that's totally accurate, but if someone is viewing me that way I need to carefully and meticulously figure out who that person is, and kick their ass to the curb. As it currently stands I think the 2 3 people I'm struggling with the most as far as conversation is Dem, Tawni, and Chris. Eve seems to think Chris is under their mist, which I mean go off, like its gonna be funny when Chris wins HoH 6 weeks from now and is ready for that #Chaos he wanted for this week. My #2 right now is probably Gwen. While I do love Eve and value their partnership, I can't help but feel like I'm replaceable for the whole Jackbox Crew. I'm still not looking to make a move any of the next couple of weeks, we'll have to see how the game progresses to know where exactly I'll go. It's also still just the first week, so my opinion on everything may very well change, the game is just starting and I'm raring to pop anyone who crosses me.

EVE:

youtube

ANDREW:

watching the cast videos now im going to give you my thoughts 1. i wanted to barf watching nickys 2. gwen is a bad bitch i hope she wins 3. omg i feel so dumb cuz i was talking to austin like we was 13 cuz i thought he was honestly .... and hes not.. hopefully i can recover. but idc. hes a little boring but sweet. 4. i hope mackenzie is nice to me. 5. fuck yeah jess lets chug a beer together 6. WILLIAM....Bowling With Buddies....Im going to nominate him if I win. 7. Kristine is the second prettiest here, next to me. Hope she wins too :heart: Shes adorbs :heart: 8. silence is cool i want to work with him 9. SHUT THE FUCK UP BRIEN actually nvm i kinda like him i wanna work with him I've talked to Chris a decent amount prior to him winning hoh so im feeling kind of good that i wont be nominated but i dont want to get comfortable because bitches are wild around here. My HoH performance.....FUcking embarrasing. Especially since people were asking me if i wanted to win and i was like yeah why not Austin proposed an alliance with me yesterday and i was just kinda like yeah i mean i’m open to anything that has safety involved and then today he told me he also talked to chris prior to hoh about creating an alliance with me and him called the gents, which is a fuckin hideous name i had no idea that he was going to ask ppl to join in on shit i thought it was kinda just gonna be a low-key u got my back i got urs but i mean chris is in a position of power so it’s definitely not the worst thing for my game, i just hope austin isn’t making himself look like a fool in the process of trying to make these connections because he is also saying my name to chris and i just don’t want to be openly associated with anybody yet if chris isn’t on the same page yknow But right now i’m just going to ride the waves i don’t really want to challenge anyone or anything just yet

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blackrosesfanfic · 7 years

Text

Chapter143

One Week Later

Trey

"I got it, Daddy." Lane says moving my hand.

"Be careful."

He takes the scapula scooping up the pancake. He lifts it out of the pan and flip it over into the plate like he was a pro. I cheer for him. He stays concentrated on the other pancakes in the pan ignoring my innocence. We have been cooking breakfast on Instagram Live all morning. There's a lot of people up at this time of morning watching us. It's even earlier in America. I know some of these followers are in American. He gets all 4 pancakes out of the pan then he smiles at me.

"Put some more daddy."

"We don't need that many pancakes. They are only for you, son. You not going to eat that many."

He ignores me. "They for Buggiz."

I help him grab the pancake batter dispenser. "Okay."

"1... 2... 3... 4." he says as he fills the pan.

"What you need me for?"

"Nothing." Lane says watching the pancakes. "You stand there, k?"

I laugh and turn the Instagram Live off. I was getting a call from the doctor. Never enjoy these kinds of calls.

"Hello."

"Trey, I decided to call you early. I figured you start your day before I do."

I check on Lane then I go over to Chris. "Can you go make sure Lane doesn't burn himself? He is making pancakes."

"Alone?" Chris says jumping out of bed.

"What's the problem, Doctor?"

"This is a call about Cammie. I'm concerned with her health."

I shut the bedroom door. "This is the first I'm hearing about Cammie having issues."

"Yes she is. Her doctor reported that she has lost too much weight. She isn't eating, leaving the hospital, or taking her vitamins. I wanted to know when you were getting into town?"

"Oo... It's looking like next Friday."

"Okay. I have encouraged her to pump extra milk. She has enough for four days if you can get her out of the hospital."

I blow. "Why does she need to leave? I could get her to eat."

He clears his thought. "She needs to leave this environment. I'm worried about her developing postpartum. She hasn't been diagnosed by her doctor but it's a concern of her doctor."

"I could... Uh." I sigh. "She has to be... What is today? I've been ignoring my calendar. One second."

I look at my phone schedule. I would be going home in 4 days. Damn, it seems like it went by fast. I'm excited about this now. I go back to the conversation.

"4 days."

"Okay, good. She was talking as if she didn't know. The baby is a few test away from going home. He has gained 5 pounds and is attempting to breathe on his own. He could be out of here in a few days."

"Really?" I say excited.

He says something in the background. "I don't want to give Cammie any false hope so I haven't been discussing my predictions of his departure. I want him to be at least 9 pounds before he leaves."

I sit down a little relieved. "Okay. I'm glad to hear that about Caden."

"Yes, he is woke most of the day. I want to schedule his circumcision but I need to first know when you will arrive and when you will return. The sooner the better. I'm expecting for him to gain another 5 pounds by next week so his weight will be stable."

"You want me to take her home or out of town?"

"A vacation would be best."

I inhale slowly. "You asking a lot."

"I know she is stubborn but your mother says that you are the only one to do it. I want her going home a healthy mother so she can nurture a healthy baby. When she takes the baby home with unresolved issues it will be bad. There's a chance of her coming back and the baby being home without her."

"I can't guarantee 4 days. It took her a while before she could be without our first born for a day."

"2 days will be better than none. It's not an requirement but if she doesn't start taking care of herself I will hold the baby here until I'm 100% sure he will have no complications. Caden is my priority."

Damn, it almost seem like this is his fucking baby. I hired the motherfucker. Lane peeks into the room. He has been unwilling to let me out of his sight in the last few days. He doesn't come all the way in the room.

"I will do what I can."

"Great. I'll see you in a few days."

I hang up the phone and fall back on the bed. It is some shit around every corner. My infant son is doing increasingly better but as a result my wife is going through hell. All of it is a direct link to my absence.

"Everything good?" Chris asks.

"Yeah." I say sitting up.

He holds up a laptop. "Naked booty hoes."

I chuckle. "Are those babies, Chris?"

"MiMi sent this to me." he says playing the video. "It's baby porn."

I laugh taking the laptop. "Stop playing."

He stands in front of me. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah, Caden's doctor is worried about Cammie. This is Lane and JJ?"

"It's King, Lane, and JJ. MiMi slow ass sent that to me."

I laugh at them. It was a short video of them in the tub. JJ was already standing up dancing naked then Lane and King turn their butts to the camera and start dancing. It is a hilarious 30 seconds. Good enough to get me into a better mood to call Cammie.

"Tremaine, how do you always know when to call me?"

"I just called cause I was thinking about you."

Chris takes the computer. "You mean because you knew she just talked to the doctor."

I shoo him away. "I don't think you love me."

"Why not, Tremaine?"

"I don't feel it."

She giggles. "The little guy has gained 5 pounds. I didn't think about it much until now... Maybe because it was scary to think about. But he was born 5 pounds and some ounces. That means he was literally 1 pound. Can you believe that? I would have broken down if I thought about that. He isn't his birth weight yet."

"Damn, I didn't think about that."

"He is still skinny with a big head."

"I can't wait to touch you."

She smiles. "You will be home in a few days. I've been counting down the days. My men need to come home."

"Mainly me."

"No, you both."

"Lane not around. You can say me."

She frowns. "Where is Lane?"

I wait until I walk into the kitchen to say anything. "Say hey Mommy."

"Mommy!" Lane says taking the phone.

"I love you, Jay." I say before he takes it away.

Alex

It's 5 o'clock in the morning and I don't feel like doing shit. I throw my housecoat over me and go to the door. Some idiot is at my door thinking it's okay to be up this early. I swing the door open. Jamaal holds a cup in front of my face.

"Jamaal, what are you doing up?"

"I told Kim to remind you last night. I knew she would and I knew you would ignore her. I even came a few hours early so you had woman time to get ready."

I take the coffee. "Only because I can smell the caramel in here."

He steps into the house. "My mother won't stop talking about you. Did she call you?"

"Your mother calling me? Oh I wonder why?"

"What was the bullshit I had to say?" he says sitting down on the couch.

I take in the sweet aroma of coffee. "I said no such thing. You acknowledging how right I was means nothing."

"How about me acknowledging that you single handedly made my life easier."

"I like that. I'm listening."

"We both know that my mother works in a male dominated world so she was secretly impressed by you. Come to find out you worked with my father."

I sip on my coffee. "Why don't I know who Senator Andrews' husband is? Why is she still an Andrews?"

"Well..." he says nothing else.

"Well, Jamaal? I'm not feeling your secrets."

He exhales. "I never wanted her to be the reason I got anything. You know how backwards ass impressed she is that I am where I am? She knows who you are now. She knows I've done something without her."

"Oh, I think it sounds like you should be kissing my ass."

"I said I would." He replies.

I laugh. "Jamaal, I was... Nevermind. Anyway."

He sits up in his chair. "We really have to be punctual this morning."

"Beauty doesn't always take long."

"Why do you answer the door in seethrough shit all the time?"

I glance down. "Oh dang. Okay, let me get rid of my company from last night and get ready."

"Your company?" he says upset.

"One minute." I say walking into the back.

There wasn't anyone back here. I just wanted to fuck with him. I was really going to show him that it doesn't take me long to get dressed. I usually spend time before bed organizing and picking out clothes for the next day. It's how I wind down.

"Aye."

"Out of my bedroom, Jamaal."

He doesn't leave. "All week I have successfully ignored you. You are putting me in a difficult position."

"No submission shit this morning. I'll be glad to put it on your ass another day."

"You be having me about to agree to some sick shit. I'm not thinking you really talking about my ass. Be a lady."

"You can't tell me that after we have fucked."

He puts his arm behind his back. "Alex, listen, I like to fuck. You like to fuck can we get pass all of this?"

"Nope."

"Selfish as always."

I walk up to him and slap his cheek playfully. His eyes drop to my breast. There is nothing more for him to be looking at.

"I like to think that I'm pretty constant. I know this."

"You are supposed to say thank you. Do I have to teach you how?"

I laugh. "Fuck you."

"Now?"

"You think that because you buy me pearls you get to fuck whenever? No, pearls or no pearls."

His eyes once again scan my half naked body. "It's the house coat."

He had touched my gown. I smack his hand away. He had a look on his face that spelled out each of his thoughts loud and clear. I turn away from him. I decided that I wouldn't go there with him again. It might be trouble. We had a go thing for a few weeks but it wasn't nothing special. His dick is pretty good. I can't lie about that. I was just supposed to be an onetime thing.

"Alex." he says slightly above a whisper.

"Jamaal." I snap back.

He startles me a little by grabbing my waist. Okay, Jamaal, no. I keep walking toward the bathroom. I mean it may not turn to shit. Worst case is that we actually get somewhere outside of this hole he keeps digging. I stop at the bathroom door. It was only a few inches away from where Jamaal stood. He attempts to persuade me once again. I let it ride. We will see. His hands admire the glory of my body. I put a lot of time into this thing. There's a lot to admire. I know.

"Jamaal, don't go getting all addicted to this."

"When I nut, leave the money on the table. I know."

I back up from him but fall into a chair. I sit all the way down. "Bitch, don't play."

He leans down over me getting into my face. I move my face away from him. I didn't want to kiss him. I love kissing. Kissing could give me a powerful orgasm with the right kisser but I didn't want that right now. Jamaal gets the message completely. He goes from unfamiliar take it easy type of demeanor to heated TV sex. He takes his clothes off without any further delay. I'm waiting to forget that he is Jamaal. I stand up. I didn't want pussy juice on my $5,000 imported chair. He picks me up. Plus 1. I glance back as he lowers me to a surface. Damn, I need less expensive shit. Not the overpriced duvet.

"What?" he asks.

I am ecstatic that he picked up on it. I push him back and throw the duvet all the way off the bed. He stares at it on the floor.

"Why did I think you would be different?" he says chuckling. "Anything else not worth the damage?"

"Your feelings if this goes bad."

He ponders over it for a bit. "Turn it down."

I chuckle. "If you shut my mouth my tongue will relax."

"Or fill it..." he mumbles grabbing his dick.

I stay quiet out of respect of the dick. I was tired of hearing his mouth and I refuse to lose a battle because his dick silenced me in mid sentence. He seemed to be waiting for that moment to claim victory. But I'll let the victory be in satisfying me.

"Hmm." he says as he enters me slowly. He pulls out. "Condom?"

"Oh my fucking gosh!" I retort. "Does it look like I have a fucking dick? Is that my responsibility?"

He looks at my funny. "They teach you in school that you should."

"Will what about you, Jamaal?"

"Yeah, sure. I would love to have that conversation with a 5 year old. That's not candy it's a fucking condom. Make sure you stock your house up dick or not."

I laugh. "Nobody fucking comes to my house and if you haven't noticed I haven't had a 'relationship' for quite some time. You killed it."

He takes the split second of me laying here with my shit whole open to test the fucking waters again. He presses his dick into my pussy. I freeze as his dick glides perfectly across my spot. I moan unconsciously pleading for more. He pulls his dick out again with a rush of pleasure. I sit up a little and stare at him. He opens his mouth at the same time I start to say something. I stop to see what he says. He pauses as well.

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