MEMORIAM "Requiem for Mankind" LP 2019 ('...Cheek by jowl. Fighting at close quarters. Face to face. Destroy the enemy !')
"Never the victim
Instinct to survive
From the lowest point
In strength now shall strive
Forever a fighter
The warrior spirit
No burden of guilt
No defeat, no compromise
I shall arise
Stronger than before
This storm inside
Weathered, will subside
From the chains that hold
As my heart grows cold
Your shame, your crime
Cannot decrease in time
No emotion, love now dies
Fire gone within your eyes
I shall arise
Wiser than before
Filled with rage
Fear engaged
All the lies
No disguise
Forget the future and the past
Live for today, nothing lasts
All that once was certain now is gone
With pride and courage carry on
The hopes and dreams we once made
Lay in ruins now decayed
Through this suffering and pain
I shall learn to live again"
Requiem For Mankind | Memoriam (bandcamp.com)
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billy meets andy in fourth grade.
andy’s a year older than the rest of the class and doesn’t ever talk.
billy gets paired with him for a project and andy doesn’t move. billy stands up and calls his name but he still doesn’t turn around.
“andy’s deaf, billy.” ms. mackenzie tells him.
“oh.” billy’s eyes widen. he’s stumped, for a moment. “um. how do i…”
billy trails off. not sure what he wants to ask, exactly.
“just make sure he can read your lips.”
billy nods. he walks over to stand in front of andy and holds out a hand. like he sees adults do. andy raises his eyebrows but takes billy’s hand. shakes it. billy tells him his name and andy smiles.
andy’s taller than billy. most people are but billy still whales on anyone who makes fun of andy. billy’s small, sure. but he’s scrappy.
he’s sitting outside the principals office with mark p’s blood on his knuckles when andy walks past. billy pulls a face and andy laughs.
billy likes it when andy laughs.
andy uses sign language to talk to his sister and his aunt.
teaches billy, when he asks.
billy shows some of it to his mom. teaches her how to tuck her two middle fingers down, index and little finger pointed skyward and thumb sticking out.
“like this?” she asks, forehead creased in concentration.
“uh-huh.” billy smiles. puffs out his chest. proud. “it means ‘i love you.’”
billy’s walking andy home when andy points up at the stars dotting a purple sky. signs pretty. billy walks right into him when he suddenly stops walking.
andy catches billy when he stumbles.
sand shifts beneath billy’s feet as he leans up on his toes to kiss andy. it’s childish. a quick peck, awkward and clumsy. billy doesn’t really know why he did it but andy doesn’t frown or push billy away.
he smiles, instead.
signs pretty again and hugs billy tight.
billy’s mom leaves and neil loses his job. they move away and billy doesn’t see andy again. neil calls him words that didn’t exist in andy’s world.
when billy’s seventeen, neil packs up again. takes him, max and susan to hawkins. neil’s family. and billy.
billy locks eyes with steve harrington across the parking lot in september. gets on his knees and blows him in tina’s parents guest bathroom in october.
steve corners him in the showers after practice the next day. reopens the split on billy’s lip and gets blood all over his own.
they communicate with hands, mostly. grabbing, pushing, pulling. jerking each other off in the backseat of steve’s car. fists come in to play when billy finds steve in a house alone with a bunch of kids, max included.
billy’s bruises are somehow worse a week later and steve tells him to come over that evening. doesn’t ask. just tells.
billy sneers. spits and swears at steve.
rocks on his heels as he waits on the harrington’s doorstep at 9:15.
“you’re late.” steve says.
billy doesn’t say anything. doesn’t need to.
something changes after that. steve fucks billy in his plaid nightmare of a room and drags him to the bathroom to dab at his cuts and scrapes right after.
brushes the backs of his knuckles across bruised ribs and frowns.
billy tugs at his hair and brings their lips together. almost gentle.
it’s too fragile for a name, whatever they have.
it’s summer when billy first mentions andy. billy’s sitting on steve’s bed and steve’s looking at him in the way that he does whenever billy reveals a part of himself. eager to soak it up and bask in it.
billy shows steve how to sign his name. how to say please and thank you, bitch and motherfucker.
“what’s-” steve’s hair has fallen over his forehead and billy reaches out to brush it back. unthinking. “what’s ‘i love you’?”
billy freezes.
his heart pounds. they haven’t- they don’t-
“you sweet on someone, harrington?” teasing is easy and billy’s a coward.
“oh, you know.” steve shrugs and it would be casual if he wasn’t looking at billy like that. “kinda.”
“yeah?” billy looks away. focuses on steve’s boxers which billy knows have been in that exact spot on the floor for the last three days. “anyone i know?”
“you might.”
billy shakes his head, grins. “hot?” he asks.
steve just nods, smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth as he edges his fingers towards billy’s on the comforter until they’re intertwined.
billy opens his mouth but steve leans forward and kisses the next smart ass response right off of his lips. winds long fingers into his hair and steals billy’s breath away.
makes his stomach do flips in that way that only steve can.
billy leaves with a smile on his face.
something crashes into his car on the drive back and everything goes dark.
five months, a ‘mall fire’, a shadow monster and seemingly endless hours stuck in a hospital bed later, billy finds himself in a house straight out of texas chainsaw, standing next to max as everyone debates on what to do next.
billy keeps quiet. doesn’t have much to say these days. he bites at his lower lip before looking across the room at steve.
steve smiles at him. something small and private.
everyone’s talking, no one’s paying attention to them.
steve raises his right hand. tucks his two middle fingers down and points the other two toward the ceiling, thumb sticking out.
billy’s cheeks flush and his heart pounds.
thinks it might jump right out of his chest if he isn’t careful.
his stomach does somersaults and he vows that if they get out of this, he’ll tell steve.
he’ll tell him.
for now he raises his left hand. two fingers down, two up, thumb out.
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