#Asterix and the Secret Weapon

[alisterix]

Mlm/wlw hostility to mlm/wlw solidarity at its finest

[asterixlabs]

Best of Asterix Seeding/Interest Polls

Seeding/Interest Polls will be going live tomorrow March 14th at 6AM EST! On each poll will be open for a week where you rate the album/movie/series out of 5 based on how much you like it. At the end of the polling period I'll seed them based on the total number of points (those with higher points will seed better). Any ties will be broken based on my original judgement on how I think they'll perform.

As a note, this blog will be posting polls for quite some time going forward. If you aren't interested in this tournament, please mute the #best of asterix tag.

The list of the different options to vote for is below, I'll attach links to their interest polls once they go live (not in seeding order)!

Mainline comics:

Asterix the Gaul (BD)

Asterix and the Golden Sickle (BD)

Asterix and the Goths (BD)

Asterix the Gladiator (BD)

Asterix and the Banquet (BD)

Asterix and Cleopatra (BD)

Asterix and the Big Fight (BD)

Asterix in Britain (BD)

Asterix and the Normans (BD)

Asterix the Legionary (BD)

Asterix and the Chieftain's Shield (BD)

Asterix at the Olympic Games (BD)

Asterix and the Cauldron (BD)

Asterix in Spain (BD)

Asterix and the Roman Agent (BD)

Asterix in Switzerland (BD)

The Mansions of the Gods (BD)

Asterix and the Laurel Wreath (BD)

Asterix and the Soothsayer (BD)

Asterix in Corsica (BD)

Asterix and Caesar's Gift (BD)

Asterix and the Great Crossing (BD)

Obelix and Co. (BD)

Asterix in Belgium (BD)

Asterix and the Great Divide (BD)

Asterix and the Black Gold (BD)

Asterix and Son (BD)

Asterix and the Magic Carpet (BD)

Asterix and the Secret Weapon (BD)

Asterix and Obelix All at Sea (BD)

Asterix and the Actress (BD)

Asterix and the Class Act (BD)

Asterix and the Falling Sky (BD)

Asterix and Obelix's Birthday: The Golden Book (BD)

Asterix and the Picts (BD)

Asterix and the Missing Scroll (BD)

Asterix and the Chariot Race (BD)

Asterix and the Chieftain's Daughter (BD)

Asterix and the Griffin (BD)

Asterix and the White Iris (BD)

Movies, picture books, and spinoffs:

How Obelix Fell into the Magic Potion When he was a Little Boy (picture book)

Deux Romains en Gaule (movie)

Asterix the Gaul (animated movie)

Asterix and Cleopatra (animated movie)

The Twelve Tasks of Asterix (animated movie)

Asterix Versus Caesar (animated movie)

Asterix in Britain (animated movie)

Asterix and the Big Fight (animated movie)

Asterix Conquers America (animated movie)

Asterix and Obelix vs. Caesar (live action movie)

Asterix & Obelix: Mission Cleopatra (live cation movie)

Asterix and the Vikings (animated movie)

Asterix at the Olympic Games (live action movie)

Asterix and Obelix: God Save Britannia (live action movie)

Asterix: The Mansions of the Gods (animated movie)

Asterix: The Secret of the Magic Potion (animated movie)

Asterix & Obelix: The Middle Kingdom (live action movie)

Dogmatix & the Indomitables (cartoon series)

Adventures of Dogmatix (picture book series)

Idéfix et les Irréductibles: Pas de quartier pour le latin! (BD)

Idéfix et les Irréductibles: Les Romains se prennent une gamelle! (BD)

Idéfix et les Irréductibles: Ça balance pas mal à Lutèce! (BD)

Idéfix et les Irréductibles: Les irréductibles font leur cirque (BD)

Idéfix et les Irréductibles: Idéfix et le druide (BD)

[bdslab]

asterix in d&d is fun cause essentially his highest stats are charisma and dexterity with slightly above average in other stats. I'd say wis is higher cause of his insight and survival skills but honestly his understanding of how people operate is SEVERELY hindered in cities. I'd say class-wise he'd fit more of a paladin archetype imo… now while it may seem weird to have a paladin who largely fights unarmed, i think it works out since most of the time when he doesn't have the potion he's using a sword. other weird thing is the lack of armor but eh for paladin oath… for as chaotic as the series gets i honestly feel like he fits the tenents for the oath of devotion? Honesty, Courage, Compassion, Honor, Duty… Like I said he fits the basic paladin archetype pretty well. DEVOTION PALADINS ARE ALSO KNOWN TO INCORPORATE WINGS ONTO THEIR HELMETS SO Anyway, onto obelix. Obviously highest stats are strength and constitution (like game breakingly high numbers you shouldn't have), mediocre wis and cha, and a serious hit to dex and int to make up for the outrageous str and con stats in order to let unarmed combat be viable for 5e and not be a monk obelix has to have the tavern brawler feat. after that… barbarian would be my best guess. the lack of armor works well with barbarians and there can be something said for the rage kicking in a few times ahtibat1 For barbarian path… I'm not as familiar with these but actually Juggernaut works pretty well. Melee attacks have the ability to launch foes 5ft away, you're impossible to topple, and structures are cakewalk to take down. actually it's perfect Cacofonix is a bard that forgot to spec into charisma honestly cacofonix probably has pretty decent constitution for how often he's hit over the head with a hammer. he probably has some good int as well, mediocre for the rest (charisma dump stat though). College of valor fits well with the large numbers of fights around the village Getafix is a pretty standard druid. good wis and int; decent dex, con and cha; fairly poor strength. Circle of the Land is a pretty literal description of what's depicted in the comics and movies (oral tradition led by elders meeting to keep secrets & magic within the community). vitalstatistix is an up and up champion fighter unhygenix and fulliautomatix are berserker barbarians but because it's a kids book there's no death and blood when they rage geriatrix is a kensei monk except instead of a sword his weapon is his cane now. dogmatix is a dog

people are always like "devotion paladins are boring and have to be perfect angels" but honestly it doesn't say anywhere they can't blatantly disrespect authority if they don't recognize that authority in the first place what im getting at is that asterix being a rude little bastard calling caesar "jules" is fine. honestly can you imagine the audacity. he's less than 5ft tall & caesar's conquered all gaul* and he's like "fuck you i won't use your proper name"

*except a little village in armorica paladins of devotion have to lead by example and honestly, disrespecting caesar and accidentally tanking the economy is a pretty decent example lmao

[stagnata]

Old A&OXXXL:TRFH ramblings

This is a dumb thought, but what if the idea for XXXL came from… the many sheep you can see in The Secret of the Magic Potion cartoon?

. . .

Discovered the existence of XXXL’s playthroughs on YT that started appearing in the middle of this month. (I avoid them for the time being)

The game’s gonna be trashtalked to Hell before they even give the release date, and probably only these people will buy it:

parents of prepubescent children, because it looks colorful and it has funny cartoony people in it

childless people who oppose piracy

. . .

There’s something weirdly displeasing about Keratin’s eyeliner, like she’s trying to be emo/goth/punk but it just makes her even uglier than she is

. . .

It seems that the soundtrack is only aspect of the game that hasn’t been criticized so far.

It does have some bangers if you ask me.

. . .

I recently tried to beat XXXL quickly and it took me slightly over 2 hours because I messed up repeatedly.

Sounds like a risky Refund%.

. . .

Asterix and Obelix fighting with weapons isn’t even canon. I may have bad memory but they always fight with their bare fists IIRC.

. . .

Oneday they’ll make a speedrun page for XXXL, while XXL3 with its single run from 2020 will be like

Then again, XXL3 has a stealth section and THE FUCKING CRETE MAZE and nobody wants to go through that

. . .

I’m watching someone’s pre-release gameplay footage, and saw them swinging fish around while at critically low health and without enemies nearby. I guess they were trying to eat it, but that only works with roast boar legs and chicken.

Not like I’ve ever seen Asterix and Obelix eat raw flesh.

. . .

I fixed it

[lladyariall]

Keeping your boyfriend in check

[skopostheorie]

bro is he eating grass

[lizaviolonartisan]

Okay so I can ship these two, right?

[stinkek]

O R D E R L Y  A N D  D I S C I P L I N E D

Oh, and this guy reminds me of someone... XD

[an-apocalypse-of-magpies]

Asterix and the Legacy of the Original Authors

So I finally saw Asterix and the Secret of the Magic Potion (2018). Significantly, this is the first Asterix story I’ve experienced since the retirement of Albert Uderzo, the original co-creator of the characters and creative lead follower the death of Rene Goscinny.

And it was brilliant.

The plot, simply summarised, is that Getafix (Panoramix in the original French), venerable and wise village druid, slips and falls out of a tree for the first time in his long career. He begins to worry that he’s getting too old for this (indeed, Getafix’s age has always been ambiguous, but he’s easily the oldest recurring character after the appropiately named Geriatrix/Agecanonix, who’s certainly over 80), and that he needs to find a successor, not least of which because only he knows the formula for his legendary magic potion that gives the Gauls the super strength needed to hold off the Roman invasion (the film makes a running joke that druids never write things down). While on the search, an old rival of Getafix’s, Sulfurix (dubbed Demonix in the Canadian English dub, in case it wasn’t clear that he’s evil) is desperately trying to steal the formula, seeking to liberate the Gaulish lands from the Romans and not merely one village. Along with Asterix, Obelix and tagalong kid Pectin(/e), the heroes must find a successor, but is there a Gaulish druid worthy of this most sacred knowledge?

The animation is excellent, as it was in the previous animated outing Asterix and the Mansions of the Gods (2014), really capturing the look and feel of the comic albums. I feel like too much cartoon media these days is afraid to really exploit squash-and-stretch for expressive and dynamic purposes, and with Asterix’s trademark slapstick being Roman soldiers clobbered so hard their torsos sail off into the air before their feet have entirely realised what happened, it was necessary for this. The film is bright and crisp, and the light effects suitably dramatic (and with many a magical zip and zap, it’s crucial to have good lighting).

The story has many of the familiar beats. Alexandre Astier is clearly playing it a little bit safe, but considering he’s writing his own Asterix story, it’s safer to stick with that than to try and push it too far and risk alienating the audience. A crisis emerges, Asterix and Obelix and miscellaneous tagalongs leave the village, shenanigans happen, Asterix and Obelix have a falling out and become separated temporarily, there’s an ominous moment when the magic potion runs out, Romans attack the village, everyone gets back in time to save the day, Romans get punched a bit, big feast under the stars. What I liked, though, is how this story tried to do something interesting with the side characters. While Getafix is a very important character for the story, he rarely gets involved in the actual plot, so it’s nice to see more of him and in particular his character flaws - namely his stubbornness and attempts to do everything himself, even to the detriment of those around him. Even being confined to a primitive wheelchair for a lot of the film due to an injured ankle doesn’t stop him from taking a part, and it’s nice to see more of him than merely ‘wise wizardly old man, keeps calm and lectures people’. Unhygenix the fishmonger (Ordralfabetix) gets an amusing background arc where he believes that he could be Getafix’s successor and tries dabbling with druidcraft in the background, with amusing results. For once, his role isn’t just ‘gets in a fight with Fulliautomatix the blacksmith (Cetautomatix)’, and we get to see that he’s an interesting combination of surprisingly intelligent and thick as two short rocks. Fulliautomatix himself gets to have some humorous musing at his alchemical antics, and at one point the requisite Unhygenix/Fulliautomatix fight is successfully quelled, with Fulliautomatix admitting that he has a short temper and that this was unnecessary aggression on his part. Vitalstatistix (Abraracourcix) leads the village men (apart from the perennially unpopular bard Cacofonix (Assurancetourix)) to accompany Getafix halfway through, leaving the womenfolk to defend the village with a backup supply of potion. Happily, this means we also get to see more of the village women - headed up by Impedimenta (Bonnemine), Mrs Geriatrix (Geriatrix’s unnamed but incredibly young wife) and Bacteria (Ielosubmarine) - than just ‘being someone’s wife’ - Impedimenta plays a vital role in corralling the women for war and appears to be keeper of the potion reserves, while the others get more speaking roles and are able to participate in fights. It’s not much, but in a world of Gaulish men, the women tend to fall by the wayside unless they get to be a sex symbol or someone’s harridan wife. Cacofonix himself gets to play at being a chief, where his cowardly nature makes for an amusing contrast Impedimenta’s more no-nonsense practicality. We also get to see some of the Gaulish children for once! They make fun of their elders and play around with stolen Roman warrior stuff. When the going gets tough, though, the first thing the village defence team do is make sure the kids get somewhere safe, and Cacofonix gets a slightly tender moment where he tries to assure them that he’s going to be okay ... with a long winded speech rather than just getting on with it.

The real star of the film (well, alongside Asterix, Obelix and Getafix) is Pectin. Pectin is a scrappy little girl from the village who’s into inventing and engineering, and her establishing scene is ignoring the other kids playfighting so that she can finishing what seems to bee some kind of automatic watering machine. She’s smart, creative, appropriately afraid of the dangers that crop up but wants to do right by Getafix, whose wisdom she deeply admires. It’s fairly clear even from the outset what her role will be. Eventually, in the darkest moments, Getafix teaches Pectin the secret recipe - including Getafix’s secret ingredient - in order to save the village. She assures Getafix later that she will try to forget the recipe, so that she won’t accidentally reveal it to the wrong sort, but just as the credits roll, Getafix muses what we’re all thinking - that this girl might be worthy to be his successor. Pectin’s important because of the series’ ... shaky history with feminism. The film sets out that only men can become druids, and women are even forbidden from the woods where they meet. When taking Getafix to the meet, Pectin has to wear a hood and hike her dress up to look more like a boy appropriately. To allow Pectin to become a druid would defy ... well, some lofty ideal that only men can become druids. Like so many old sexist tropes, the reason has become ‘... well, they just don’t’. So it’s good that this is addressing that, as well as forcing more female characters into the limelight. The most prominent female character in all of Asterix is Impedimenta, followed maybe by the heartthrob and Obelix’s crush Panacea. I’ve elaborated above the problems there. In Asterix classic, women are to be desired or to be overbearing wives to henpecked husbands. It’s likely that Goscinny and Uderzo meant no malice by this writing; they were two French men writing a humour comic, and played on the popular tropes accordingly. But they (or rather, Uderzo) did attempt to tackle feminism in this comic before. It was ... well, it was a bit clunky.

Asterix and the Secret Weapon (1991) was a rather dated and fearmonger-y take on feminism, having a feminist activist outsider called Bravura comes to the village, encourages the women to rise up against their husbands (the men, out of chivalry and hen-peckedness, do not resist), seizing control of the village. Asterix, being both a bachelor and bit of a firebrand at perceived injustice, confronts Bravura, whereupon she flirts with him to try and seduce him into marrying her, whereupon he (shock horror) strikes her out of reflex. But Gaulish men do not hit women! Asterix is banished to the nearby forest for his insolence, eventually joined by the other men, fed up with the overbearing women. When the Romans (knowing that Gaulish men will not attack a women) send a detachment of female soldiers to the village, the women have turned it into a primitive shopping centre, where the female soldiers can shop and get their hair and make up done and forget all about attacking the village. Yeah. Feminists are salacious witches who would enthrall men and subjugate them, women love nothing more than shopping and beauty, it’s ... it’s bad. Secrot of the Magic Potion at least attempts to fix this by questioning male dominance in a role without being so weird about it, and having the women be just as much proud, organised village defenders as the men, arguably more so, given they lacked the weapons or numbers they normally had with the men around. (I know that the most recent album, Asterix and the Chieftain’s Daughter (2019), kinda deals with this too, but I haven’t yet read that one)

Putting aside the feminist rant, the key theme of this film seems to be the passing of the torch, clinging to past glory, and stepping up to take responsibility. Getafix isn’t getting any younger, and as much as might hurt his pride, he needs to train someone to take his place. The other elder druids, it transpires, are foolish, complacent and irresponsible, getting too used to just messing around and partying. They’re getting senile too, shamefully admitting to keeping crib sheets to remember which apprentice druids are any good. Druids not writing things down seems to be a metaphor for old masters, well versed in their craft, who know it all so well that they don’t need notes ... and then struggle to teach others, so they keep doing it all themselves. Sulfurix is bitter that, despite his magic fire being useful, Getafix is held up as the better druid. Way back when, they were finallists in a druidcraft competition, and being able to conjure flame from nothing is certainly a useful talent that won out over Getafix’s useless but dramatic and very complex magic. Getafix is implied never to have held a grudge over this, especially given that he would eventually develop the magic potion that makes his people so formidable. Sulfurix, meanwhile, found his ‘useful’ parlour trick get weaker and less reliable over time, and he seems to have very few tricks under his belt by the present, so fixated was he on this one thing. His Villain Rant at Getafix at the end is pure projection - he’s become irrelevant, because his one thing became all he was known for. Finally, with Cacofonix being acting Chief, the women defending the village, and Cholerix (Teleferix) the apprentice druid and later Pectin striving to create the magic potion and fill Getafix’s footsteps, there is a theme of people, even wildly unprepared people, stepping up to take responsibility because it’s what needs to be done, be it for the sake of a legacy or simply because this operation won’t run itself. Such a theme rings loud in, I remind you, the first original Asterix story on film since the death or retirement of both of the original creators. They’re on their own now, with a great and beloved legacy to continue, and I think they’ve done a wonderful job. The film was not perfect by any means - the English dub lip-flaps weren’t that well aligned (my DVD didn’t have French language options), the story’s quite formulaic if you’re a fan of the series, and Sulfurix is ... not subtle as the villain - but if you like Asterix, you’ll like this. And if you don’t care for Asterix, it’s still enjoyable.

[carriagelamp]

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood: The Poetry of Mister Rogers

This is an anthology collection of the various poems and songs that appeared in Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, with art by Luke Flowers. It is exactly as zen as you think it will be. If you are in need of something soft, loving, and affirming right now in the terror that is 2020, go pick this book up. I read it all over the course of two days and feel like a better person for it.

Asterix in Britain

I decided to watch my french Asterix movies on a whim the other week, and that got me rereading all the old Asterix comics I grew up with (Asterix and Obelix All At Sea, Asterix the Legionary, Asterix and the Black Gold, Asterix and the Great Divide, Asterix and the Secret Weapon…) I decided to use in Britain as my representative though because to this day it’s one of my all time favourites, and it’s one of the first ones we ever owned — while the others my brother and I collected avidly over the years (any time we were allowed to pick a new comic out of the book store) I can’t remember a time when we didn’t have this volume at home. There fun, detailed illustrations, goofy puns, over the top slapstick, and endless love between the characters seriously melts my heart every time I pick them up. Though I have to admit, the Secret Weapon sure is a bigger shitshow than I realized as a kid…

The Barnabus Project

This is a new Canadian picture book I’ve been meaning to get my hands on for a few months. It is very neat. It’s a bit more of an involved adventure story than you often see in picture books, while still not entering the domain of graphic novel or chapter book. It’s about a company that genetically engineers “perfect” pets for the public to buy. But deep beneath the storefront, well under the streets, are the sinister labs where the “failed” projects are kept, waiting to be recycled back into parts. This is where Barnabus lives, and this is where Barnabus and his friends must break free from. A thrilled little book with adorable art!

Bunnicula

This is actually my first time reading this book, though I’ve meant to ever since I was a kid. For anyone that doesn’t know this classic, it’s told from the point of view of the family dog, who witnesses his owners bring home a strange new pet: a pet rabbit named Bunnicula, with black fur that looks like a cape and the strangest teeth ever seen on a rabbit… The housecat is even more alarmed, and the two of them begin to investigate the strange occurrences going on around the rabbit and protect their family from sinister forces. It’s a very cute chapter book and a nice soft intro to the “horror” genre without going quite as dark as Goosebumps.

Care Bears: Unlock The Magic

This was… hm. Something. It was cute. The art of this graphic novel has certainly modernized the care bears from their original style, but it’s not a bad thing — the simple, bold shapes are actually pretty enjoyable. You have the care bears on a mission to protect the land of these strange new creatures from dark, “heartless” forces. Overall, if you’re in the mood for something soft and nostalgic that’s been transported into 2020, it’s not a bad read... though I can’t say it wow’ed me.

Emma and the Blue Genie

Another adorable novella (chapter book? Somewhere between the two?) by Cornelia Funke who I don’t think is capable of writing a bad story. Like all her books, this one is charming and whimsical and feels strangely classic. Emma and her wiener dog Tristan sneak out of their house one night for some peace and quiet, and discover an unusual bottle that washes up on the shore. When they release it, a small blue genie is released and Emma learns of the horrible events that befell him and his master in a far off land. A horrible yellow genie stole the source of his magic, forcing him into this small, weakened form, and has besieged the land now that the blue genie is out of the way. The blue genie seems to heartbroken that Emma can’t help but promise her help, and accompanies him across the sea… A fun little story for anyone that enjoyed Aladdin.

The Erth Dragons: The Wearle

The first miserable failure of a book I read this month. I couldn’t finish it and didn’t even try. It sounded like cool scifi dragons, but what I got was a pack of sixty dragons off exploring. A team that included a grand total of three female dragons. Who are there for, it seems, breeding. One of which is fridged immediately to jump start the main character’s story. This is a book I may have read in middle school, but I was thrilled to realize I actually have choices now and don’t need to tolerate this shit. Do not fucking bother, the world building is obnoxious as well.

 Flawed Dogs

Now this one was a delight. As quirky and bizarre and charming as Berkeley Breathed’s work always is. This is a novel that starts with a prized pure-bred dachshund, Sam the Lion, one who is a once in a life time example of doggy bred perfection. However things get mixed up on his way to the snobby dog-show-loving owner who purchased him and he ends up instead in the arms of a young girl who adores him as only children can, completely indifferent to any “perfection” he may have. The happiness of girl and dog fosters resentment in the household’s other dog, a show dog who is pampered but not loved. So begins a horrible sequence of events that sees Sam cast out of the house, horribly mutilated, and left to fend for himself in a cruel world. Flawed Dogs manages to deliver both dogs with rocket-propulsive farts as well as grim questions about what the nature of life, perfection, and vengeance means to a wronged party who has had his life destroyed beyond all recognition.

This was my favourite book of the month, and I would HIGHLY recommend it, but maybe give it a miss if you’re squicked by animal brutality because this book delivers very funny moments, very heartwarming moments, and very upsetting animal abuse in fairly equal measure.

The Land of Stories: The Wishing Spell

The second disappointing book of the month. I’ve heard so many good things about this series! About how it’s gotten so many kids to fall in love with reading and series and more complex narratives! I’ve been really excited to read it, because I love me a twisted fairy-tale. Unfortunately this seems to be a very good series for kids, and a very poor story for adults who are used to the tropes of a basic fairy-tale inspired fantasy novel. The writing was unfortunately bland and it was chockablock of clichés and stereotypes that are frankly rather unappealing. Maybe things get better as it progresses, but the series didn’t hold my interest for long enough for me to find out. Honestly, it just made me want to go and reread Inkheart instead.

Little Tails in the Jungle

The Little Tails series is an adorable blend of picture book, comic, and nonfiction educational. It shows Chipper and Squizzo as they adventure around different ecosystems and interact with the wildlife there, sharing interesting facts and trying to keep out of trouble. It’s a pleasant read for an adult that likes well done wildlife art, and fantastic for kids that are craving accessible nonfiction content about animals.

When Santa Fell to Earth

My second Cornelia Funke novella of the month. This is a Christmas favourite of mine, and I reread it around December every couple years or so. In this story, Nikolas is a young Santa who is on the run. The North Pole has been taken over by a faction of Santa’s who have given up on the traditional values of Christmas and have decided instead to focus on a more sterilized, corporate type of Christmas, one with clear present transactions and a hefty bottom line. Any dissenting Santas are hunted down and dealt with. Nikolas is one of the sole surviving rebel Santas who has managed to stay ahead of the Santa hunters… or he had, until his reindeer panics in a thunderstorm and sends his caravan crashing down to earth, to broken to lift off again. Stuck at the side of a little residential street, Nikolas befriends a couple of local children who help him, his elves, and his angels try to get things sorted out and ready to go before Christmas — or the Santa hunters — arrive.

Wintersmith

More Pratchett, and in this case another seasonally appropriate read. This is the third book of the Tiffany Aching series, in which Tiffany, a young apprentice witch, joins her mentor at the secretive dark morris dance, a ritual that happens in the winter to welcome the changing of the seasons, just as the regular morris dance heralds summer. Tiffany, though, doesn’t just hear the music but feels it in bones, and before she knows it she finds herself compelled to join in, to fill in a strange empty spot she can’t look away from. She does, in fact, find herself dancing with the Wintersmith, and now there are snowflakes coming down with her face crafted into them, frost that lovingly spells out her name, and a winter that doesn’t seem inclined to leave anytime soon. Tiffany made a mistake, and now people are going to die if she doesn’t do something.

[handern]

Yo it's Arthur anon. I've started listening to Mike Duncan's History of Rome podcast with space partner and ???? I've taken world history classes. I KNOW that Rome conquered Gaul but holy shit. It's really messed up that even in like, french history classes what we got was "Asterix" and not genocide. Is this just an American miseducation thing, or does everyone just like, pretend it wasn't that bad to cover for later imperialism???

Oh yeah it was pretty fucked up

I hate Julius Caesar's guts so when you get me started I can go off for hours

I'm going to talk only from memory of my classes and readings on the topic from 3 years ago (ok that was INTENSIVE reading bc I hate that fucker and read everything I could find) so bear in mind that some things might be not too accurate but I'll keep it vague to give the big picture (also I'm biased bc I hate his guts)

Basically Caesar wanted real bad to be senator but to be there you had to have military victories and a LOT of money to pay for public installations (and probably bribery but given a much more palatable name than bribery)

Except that he needed to be appointed to the administration of a territory in order to justify being a general going to war and stuff

If I recall correctly he wanted Macedonia or a region close to Macedonia bc it looked cool and there were a lot of resources to steal there except, BAD LUCK, the one person in charge of the administration of a roman region who kicked the bucket soon enough was the one handling Gauls

Now they already had been commercing with Gauls of a long, LONG time, they had access to commercial roads and controlled a part of the south of France already and Spain, and well, contrary to the greeks who were a bit further away, Romans were neighbors with the Gauls

Basically his whole campaign was briberies and throwing a chief against another to have them kill each other, then throw the losing clan into slavery, which is exactly what europeans did in africa and in the americas centuries later (or tried to do at least)

Romans were technologically inferior to the Celts, who had kickass metallurgy techniques for both shields and swords and their scabbards, but the Romans still managed to get these "secrets" from whoever sold it to them and it turned the tides in their favor

Basically the only reason the Celts lost the fight was that they were not united, which Vercingetorix tried to do but too late (that's the really fast version)

What's fascinating is that the Romans had already started the conquest much before Caesar, but in a slow insidious way

Through commercial roads people had to learn to speak roman/latin, they offered scholarships to the rulers' heirs (Vercingetorix served in the roman army), they kept themselves up to date with their politics and religion and internal conflict, etc.

The military part was really just an excuse for Caesar to show off, steal riches and get more slaves to sell so he could be senator, all while shoving new names to the Celts' groups/political systems, and pretending that he did much cooler stuff than he really did in his books, which were propaganda tailored to impress the Senate and should never have been taken as history books like historians and scholars did for centuries

And after that was done, it was just a matter of building a few cities and send some Romans in there, almost EXACTLY like that asterix book where Caesar builds a shopping mall near the village and everyone goes oh it's actually cool to have some theater and running water and also they're not trying to kill us anymore! cultural assimilation was always the best weapon of war of the Romans, along with propaganda and their law system

Long story short : yeha it's not just the USA, I'm french and only heard of all that bc of my archeology studies and I remember very clearly going to my history teacher at age 14 to ask when we would stop learning about Rome and pre-roman Egypt and actually learn about the Gauls. He was very embarrassed to say that the Gauls were not in the national program, but neither was the cultural assimilation of Egypt, we were only taught about the pretty parts so the pyramids and the gods

AND NOW THAT I'M ON THE TOPIC

the image we have of the celts nowadays is 50% imperialist fuck Julius Caesar's fault, 50% Napoleon's imperialist ass' fault and I'll die mad about it

[alisterix]

Which volume of Asterix is your favorite?

So glad you asked! 🌼

I'm currently re-reading them all in order and I haven't gotten to all of them yet, so I feel like I can't really say as of now? Even so, it would be so hard to choose just one! I think in every volume of Asterix there is something amazing, hilarious, heartwarming, overall valuable and meaningful to me, which is why Asterix in its entirety holds such a special place in my heart! I will say that I am really enjoying volumes that I lowkey slept on as a kid, such as "Asterix and the Roman Agent" or "Asterix and the Goths". I have so much newfound appreciation for these. I really loved "Asterix and the Big Fight", I read it twice! "Asterix and the Normans" is special to me for how much Cacofonix was in there (I love Cacofonix!!! like a lot)

When I was a kid my favourite volume was "La Rose et le Glaive"- The Rose and The Sword. I believe in English it was translated into "Asterix and The Secret Weapon" (which I am not a fan of but if I started talking about translation stuff we'd be here all day lmao). I've seen people give their fair criticisms about how this volume's execution of the topic of feminism could have been a lot better, and yea, honestly, though I think since I have so much nostalgia for it from my childhood, I am still willing to look at it through rose (haha see what I did there) colored glasses. I think part of the reason why I loved it so much as a little girl is that I was excited to see more girls in Asterix. As a gay little girl... I had crushes on every single one of them, lmao. Tbh I still do. Pretty women??? Gaslight gatekeep girlboss gay??? I am yet to re-read La Rose et le Glaive to find out if I still like it as much as I used to but it definitely deserves at least an honorable mention for the lesbianism alone byeeee🌹🗡️

[asterixlabs]

Bracket is now updated! Apologies for it being sort of difficult to read - I didn’t really find a way to get it much better than this. Polls will go live on Friday April 5th at 9AM EST and last for 1 week.

All polls linked under the cut

Asterix & Obelix: Mission Cleopatra (live action) vs Deux Romains en Gaule

The Twelve Tasks of Asterix vs Adventures of Dogmatix

Asterix and the Big Fight (movie) vs Asterix and the Magic Carpet

Asterix and Cleopatra (animated) vs The Golden Book

Asterix at the Olympic Games (BD) vs Asterix and the Chariot Race

Asterix and Cleopatra (BD) vs Asterix and the White Iris

Asterix and Obelix all at Sea vs Asterix and the Secret Weapon

Asterix and the Big Fight (BD) vs Asterix and Obelix vs Caesar (live action)

Asterix and the Roman Agent vs Idéfix et le druide

Asterix and the Cauldron vs Ça balance pas mal à Lutèce!

Asterix and the Black Gold vs Asterix and Caesar's Gift

Asterix in Switzerland vs Asterix and the Great Crossing

Asterix in Spain vs Asterix and the Missing Scroll

Asterix and the Banquet vs Asterix and the Griffin

Obelix and Co vs Asterix at the Olympic Games (movie)

Asterix in Britain (animated) vs Asterix and the Class Act

Asterix the Legionary vs Les Romains se prennent une gamelle!

Asterix and the Great Divide vs Asterix in Belgium

Asterix and the Golden Sickle vs Asterix and the Picts

Asterix and the Chieftan's Shield vs Asterix the Gaul (movie)

Asterix the Gladiator vs Asterix & Obelix: The Middle Kingdom

Asterix and Son vs Asterix Versus Caesar (animated)

Asterix and the Laurel Wreath vs Asterix and the Falling Sky

Asterix the Gaul (BD) vs Dogmatix and the Indomitables (TV)

Asterix in Corsica vs Les irréductibles font leur cirque

Asterix and the Vikings (movie) vs The Secret of the Magic Potion

Asterix and the Normans (BD) vs Asterix Conquers America

Asterix and the Goths vs God Save Britannia (live action)

The Mansions of the Gods (movie) vs Asterix and the Chieftan's Daughter

The Mansions of the Gods (BD) vs How Obelix fell into the Magic Potion

Asterix and the Soothsayer vs Asterix and the Actress

Asterix in Britain (BD) vs Pas de quartier pour le latin!

[bdslab]

Isn’t it incredibly sad how out of the main 4 village women in asterix only 2 of them have names? Isn’t that fuckin sad. I’m sorry but mrs geriatrix and mrs fulliautomatix aren’t names It’s 2020 time to give these women some fuckin names already Actually if me sayin this shit is gonna get us another asterix and the secret weapon I’ll just fuckin shut up oh my god I’d like to think Ferri and Conrad would do better (hell they’re already doing better) but I’m still like… I fuckin hate that comic.

[positive-living-4-all]

Asterix and the Secret Weapon – book 29

Asterix and the Secret Weapon – book 29

Asterix and the Secret Weapon – book 29

Asterix and the Secret Weapon is the twenty-ninth volume of the Asterix comic book series and the fifth by Albert Uderzo alone. It parodies feminism, gender equality/relationships, and military secrets.

The story begins when a female bard named Bravura is being hired by the women of the village, who think that Cacofonix is giving their children a poor…

[lladyariall]

Asterix: this bitch -.-