#Aydan White

[hiddenobject-fanblog]

His Soul (Chapter 17)

Undercover

Summary: After saving the abducted collectors, you were trusted with Curioso's box. What seems like a dangerous possession slowly turns into an opportunity to learn more about this creature and his curse. Can you earn his trust, and possibly, his affection?

Pairings: Curioso/Reader, Curioso/The Detective

--

Curioso’s mask moved closer as you arranged a blanket over your lap, adding more to the cozy ambience of the room. You knew there were several questions he was waiting to ask, judging by the way his fingers clawed anxiously at his thighs. You decided not to beat around the bush with this news. It was something you’d both been waiting for in these idle weeks. He must be just as excited as you were.

“They reopened the case with Brianna,” You began to explain. “Not the business with her wife - but the investigation with the house. They all laughed at me back then, but they’ve been trying to follow leads on the culprits and haven’t gotten a break since. They put me back on the case since I’ve been the only one to make the most progress.” 

“The police have been mucking around for this long? They should’ve just kept you on to begin with. Why did they take you off the case?” 

“Because they didn’t believe in my ‘nonsense’ about ‘magic and spells’ .” You used air quotations mockingly. “But now I can say I told them so! I…can only hope those people haven’t taken any more victims since our discovery…” 

Curioso raised a thoughtful finger to his mouth. “So, what have they learned? If anything at all?” 

“They tracked down the location in what they believe to be their bolthole. But get this…when they arrived at the place, not a single building could be found.” 

“They’re hiding it again.” 

The grin stretched to both sides of your face. “-Exactly. And that’s where YOU come in. You help me reveal it, we get to the bottom of things, and arrest these people once and for all.” You swiped the TV remote off of the table, sitting up straight as the excitement flooded you. “I’d been hoping to solve the case myself. It’s finally going to happen..!”

“I should apologize for how things went last time. If I’d have cooperated with you, we would’ve solved it long ago…” He bowed his head in regret.

“No, that was my fault. I trapped you when I needed your help. That’s not going to be a mistake I make again.” 

He turned to you appreciatively and moved so he was laying beside you. He lifted his mask and looked into your ceiling, muttering quietly. “I remember someone was obsessed with experimenting on kidnapped persons…injecting them with something mysterious, seeing if they would survive it.” He clasped his hands together and added quietly, “With how many bodies we saw, it must not have been very many. They enjoyed hunting down their sick victims like they were animals.”  

The spark in you slowly blew out, remembering the horrific details of what you were dealing with exactly. “The house must have been a hideaway, since the police were able to find the source of their operation.” 

“I’m not surprised they did. There were plenty of clues that showed whoever was there was writing letters and reporting back to someone by the name of ‘Aydan’.” 

Your mouth fell open in surprise. “What!? Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“Oh, yes, I found documents of their call history and a collection of received letters. But you didn’t particularly want my help at the time.” 

You groaned. “Okay, you’ve got to catch me up with everything you found in that house. If we’re to tackle this investigation again, we need to be on the same page.” 

“I’ve no problem with that. I just hope you’ve gained some trust in me so we can work together this time.” 

“I believe I have,” You breathed, remembering how close his body was pressed against yours and the white hand merely inches away from your leg. “With how much you were able to do, you might just be able to solve this entire thing for me.” 

“Detective! I’m starting to think you’re only bringing me along because I have magic and can do most of the work for you.” 

“Believe me, it’s actually the last thing I want.” You pouted. He tilted his head teasingly at you.

“Is someone upset that I did really good at their job? You need not worry - I doubt they’ll hire me to replace you. I don’t believe I meet all their ‘human’ qualifications.” 

Your face was heating up and you pushed aside your blanket. It was getting hot in here. And it certainly wasn’t because you were getting worked up with the fact that Curioso just pointed out your obvious insecurities. The fire was just…roaring! 

“Just give me the breathing room to find things for myself, this time,” You muttered. “You can help me get through doors and all that, but I want to be as involved as you are.” 

“Of course.” 

You nodded to show him your gratitude, then picked up the remote to turn on the TV and scroll through the programs to find something good to watch. He settled in beside you, and you smirked feeling his warm arm pressed against yours. You didn’t notice it, but you shared your body heat with him when the two of you were this close. You wondered if he could even feel it and appreciate it.

You opened your mouth to ask him, but realized pointing out your proximity might cause him to move. And you didn’t want that. You liked his company, laying next to him and watching programs like this. You hoped he didn’t mind it, since he also did not openly address it. Or maybe it was just something you were overthinking and it wasn’t a big deal at all-

The movie began, and you forced yourself back to the present so you could enjoy it. 

You were standing in your bathroom brushing your teeth as you listened to Curioso’s singing in the other room. It was an incredibly rare sound, to hear him humming or singing, or doing anything but standing still and observing you. But it made sense, because today was the day you two were heading out and officially re-starting your investigation. You’d be following the address the authorities provided you and seeing if you could locate and search the area yourself. You were instructed to apprehend any suspects and take them in for questioning. Or at the very least, learn of their current whereabouts so they could do it. 

Your eyes wandered the mirror in front of you, observing your tired face and pajama-clad body. You still needed to complete your morning routine before you could go anywhere. You asked Curioso to brew you some coffee to save you some time, which is what you presumed he was doing in the other room while he sang. 

After you rinsed out your mouth and wiped your face, you jumped at the sudden sight of the tall jester standing in the bathroom’s doorway. He was holding out your favorite mug filled with coffee, which had such a delicious aroma that your lips craved to drink already. You took it from him with grateful hands and took a long sip, enjoying its taste and the way the caffeine took immediate effect.

You looked at him suspiciously. “You didn’t spike this, did you?”

He held his hands behind his back. His smile appeared wider. “If I did, I think you’ll be thanking me, for the big day we have ahead of us.” 

“Mm,” You nodded, licking the remnants off your lips. He was still standing there, looking at you, and you couldn’t help observing him. The imperfections of his mask still bothered you, but you weren’t going to pry about that now. Instead, your attention was directed to the sharp smile in front of you. “Do you brush your teeth?” 

He didn’t even react. “No.”

“Then how do they stay so white?” 

“Detective, I might blow your mind with this answer, but…” He wiggled his fingers in front of him. “- Magic .” 

“Hm. And your breath somehow stays nice and fresh, too?”

“I don’t breathe.” 

“...You’re an awfully boring conversationalist.” 

You nudged past him with a mischievous smile and he scoffed at your words, following right behind you on your tail. You set your coffee down and headed into your room to get dressed for the day. As the door closed behind you, your friend did not follow you in, respecting your privacy like you asked of him. But you knew he was waiting for you on the other side, because he always did. 

 “Are you excited?” His voice was muffled behind the wood. 

You slipped on your shirt and smiled to yourself. “Of course I am.” 

“Do you think we’ll manage to solve it in one day?” 

“Maybe. With your help, we probably will.” 

“...You hold me to such a high degree, but you’re forgetting that you’re the superior collector here. I gave you very little help when you solved the fate of those collectors.” 

“You’re just buttering me up.” You grew hot and bothered underneath your clothes. You always got like this whenever he complimented you or your detective skills. 

“My praise does not come so easily..! I have no doubts you’ll impress everybody today.” 

You twisted the knob and opened the door to find him seated just outside. He sprang to his feet and you pointed at him when he was up. 

“Same goes for you . Seriously, I wouldn’t be able to do this without your help. You were right, last time…I’d have been driving myself around in circles if it weren’t for you.” 

He appeared to be at a loss for words. You strolled around him and back into your kitchen, picking up your coffee and grabbing one of the oranges from your fruit bowl. You began peeling it as you sat at the table, which was littered with papers and notes. Curioso had already gone over all the details of the case with you yesterday, but now it appeared he was collecting and putting the evidence together. You arched an eyebrow at him when he came in and sat in the chair beside yours. 

“Did you keep these from the house?”

“Only some of them are real, I’m afraid the others are only what I can remember,” He picked up some of the papers and began to stack them. ���Just in case you need to review what we know.”

“Great.” You blew a strand of hair from your face and sulked in the chair. “I rushed to get out of there and missed collecting a bunch of evidence.”

“Why did you leave so quickly?”

“I…” You looked away from him. “You and I weren’t talking anymore and it wasn’t great. It didn’t help when the police laughed at me when I tried to explain what we found.” 

“Our little dispute bothered you that much?” 

“Well…yeah.” Your eyes slowly met the sockets of his mask. “We’d been finally getting along and working together. It was nice talking to you so much. And then I screwed everything up and it was gone.”

He hummed and looked away. “I didn’t enjoy it, either. It hurt immensely when you trapped me again. I’d been only trying to help you. And then you threw my box in your car and everything was upside down.” 

You winced hearing this. “I hope I’ve made up for it. This time, things are going to go better; I’ll make sure of that.” 

You ate the slices of your orange while your partner went through all the papers for a second time. He used a paperclip to hold it all together and held out the stack to you when he was finished. You took it from him and slid it in your bag. You stood from the table and walked around your apartment to make sure you had everything ready for the day that stood ahead of you. 

He followed you downstairs as you entered your office. You took Curioso’s box from the memorabilia display and slid it in the last free space of your bag. He looked at you curiously and you tipped your hat at him with a wink. 

“Just in case.”

“In case you want to put me in there?” He asked. 

“In case you need to go in. Think of it as a last resort if anything goes…wrong.” 

He went quiet as you finished turning off the lights and locking up your office. You hesitated at the threshold separating your building from the city streets. When you looked back inside, Curioso was no longer standing across from you. You looked around briefly in confusion before you glanced down and found his small face displayed on the lapel of your coat. 

“Ready to go..!” He announced. You shook your head and finally shut the door. 

The drive took a few hours and you spent that time conversing with Curioso. He retreated to his box for the ride and had been speaking to you from the passenger seat. The two of you discussed more about the case and lended your theories and suspicions on what was going to happen at their main operating quarters. Who were these people, and what was their goal exactly? Were they trying to develop a medicine or test some poison on their victims? If they were kidnapping people for these experiments, then you had a feeling it wasn’t for a good reason. 

Then there was the matter of magic. Who had concealed that house? It was obvious they were hiding what they were doing, preventing anyone from finding the killed victims…but using magic was such a bizarre way of doing it. Not only did they have to find someone capable of it, but who was also okay with the reasoning for it. Because surely no one would hide a house for a bunch of people without questioning it? Or maybe they had enough money to spare and be hush-hush about it. 

You were going to find out soon. 

When you arrived at the area, you parked a little farther away so as to not be seen so quickly. You didn’t feel the strange sensation as you had last time…you had no issue pulling near the spot marked on your map. You were feeling completely at ease. It was almost off-putting, making you think you were at the wrong place or maybe the police had actually found a faulty lead. 

You leaned over and pressed one of the gems on Curioso’s box. You understood how he revealed the house last time. Reading that book has answered so many of your questions. Pressing a particular gem allowed him to extend his magic beyond the box. Therefore, he was able to dispel what was hidden. You turned your head and widened your eyes as a large estate came into view - filling the once-empty field that had been nothing but stray haystacks and junk lying around.

You pumped your first in the air. “Yes! Thank God!”

“Don’t do that ever again,” Curioso reprimanded you. You shrunk in your seat and shrugged sheepishly. “The concealing spell on this place is stronger than the last. I handled it just fine, but this definitely means it’s their home.” 

You leaned against the glass and observed your surroundings. The estate before you was a grand place with a courtyard in the back. It sat on a mountain overlooking the ocean below, whose waves thrashed wildly and unpredictably. The weather was cloudy and humid outside. You could taste the salt on your tongue as you rolled down the window. This was a desolate area in the countryside, the nearest human activity being several miles away in the city. It was an ideal spot to have a hidden base. 

Your eyes locked on some movement from the windows, spotting figures inside. There were quite a few people there despite the lack of cars and vehicles around you. You hadn’t expected a full house. You worried your bottom lip between your teeth, wondering how to go about apprehending and questioning these people. You were in their territory, now - and you’d be outnumbered if they wished to try anything. You didn’t fancy dying while handling this case. 

“I don’t know if I can sneak inside. There’s too many people here. How do we do this? Can you hide me ?” 

“Let’s say I could, but it wouldn’t last forever. You’d have to work quite fast. How’s that field & track training, Detective?”

You groaned and pressed your head on the steering wheel. “It’s been far too long.”

“How about just calling the police already? The house is here now. But there’s no telling how long until they notice their spell is broken. You need to act quickly.” 

He had a good point. You flipped open your cell phone and dialed 9-1-1…only for the call to never go through, dropping dead the instant it tried to connect. You had no reception out here and there had been no call boxes on the way. You swore audibly under your breath and scowled at the small screen. 

“ Shit! I should’ve called them before we ever came out here.” You grit your teeth together in frustration. 

“Then we need to act now…let’s try going undercover. Pretend to be one of them and say you were sent by Sophie. Ask to speak with the boss.” 

You rubbed your chin, impressed. “That’s not bad for some last-minute planning.” 

“I make a fine partner, if I say so myself..! You might want to change into something less…conspicuous.” 

You glanced down at your trench coat, hat, and gloves, the prime ensemble of a detective. You nodded in agreement and reached around to grab your extra set of clothes. You always kept an extra pair in your car for an emergency, or for this particular reason…As you were about to undergo this uncomfortable change in tight quarters, you glanced at the box and felt your face burn deeply. 

“Do you mind not looking, for a minute?”

“My eyes are closed..!”

“You don’t have any-” You decided not to bicker with him and pulled off your shirt. “Just keep an eye on the house for me, will you?” 

You managed to change into the clothes, turned away from the box while you tried not to make so much movement. Soon, you were in a change of a button-up shirt, pants, and regular shoes. You scrutinized your look for a minute, thinking deeply and turning to Curioso after a moment. 

“Do you think it’s fine? Or should you conjure me up some cultist clothes?”

“We’ll have to take the gamble. Just don’t act suspiciously.” 

You had a determined look as you opened the car door and shut it behind you. You were deliberately leaving the box behind, but made sure your bag was on your person. You glanced down to see the grinning face of Curioso attached on the outside. You sighed in relief and began climbing up, trying to keep your wits about you. You rehearsed what to say in your head several times, feeling a little unsure if you could pull this off… 

Soon, you were facing the tall front doors. You could hear the sound of chatter inside. You leaned forward and used one of the lion head knockers, wincing when the noise was incredibly pronounced on these sturdy doors. After a minute, someone opened the door, an older man with graying hair and a mustache. Immediately, he closed it behind him and stepped forward to advance on you. 

You hadn’t been expecting it and stepped back in surprise. This man’s green’s eyes were on yours in an instant, his suspicion evident.

“Who are you?” He implored. 

Despite having an imaginary script of this conversation in your head, your tongue failed to find words. “I - I am here for-”

“-For the initiation?” He asked skeptically, eying you up-and-down. You hoped your disguise was sufficient and you would not have to procure your badge and state your real business for being here. 

‘The initiation?’ You wanted to ask, but instead you nodded. “Yes, the initiation. Am I…late?” 

He visibly relaxed, but crossed his arms to show his resignation. “Forgive me - we are always suspicious of unexpected guests. Had you come here any other day, we would have killed you on the spot.”

Your face blanched. He chuckled at your reaction.

“I’m kidding! It’s nice to see a newbie come around here for once. Not many of you show up for our commencement parties. But we have been in need of new recruits ever since…one of our locations was discovered by the police.” 

His eyes appeared to peer through your soul. You gulped and tried to maintain your composure. “Yes, actually, it was Sophie who told me to come here and join you.” 

He looked at you quizzically. “The name doesn’t ring a bell, but she must have been working under Nathan. Come inside. You’ll speak with Aydan, and if you meet his qualifications, you’ll go into the courtyard to start your initiation.” 

You followed after him trying not to wring your hands together. The inside was darker than it was outside - the wallpaper a crimson red, and the carpets and furniture an ivory black. The lights were dim but they also weren’t - flickering to provide just enough light to each person who came around it. You turned your head to look at the different portraits and pictures hanging around, of various well-dressed people and animals. It looked like a wealthy scene, proving your suspicion that these people must have enough money for bribery. 

While you looked around, Curioso’s whisper came into your ear. “You are treading dangerously.” 

You whispered back as quietly as you could in the direction of your bag. “This is good. If I can get a direct look into who runs this place and what they do, it’ll make it easier to arrest who’s in charge and bring this whole operation down.” 

He didn’t say anything to that, and you followed this man as you two walked through different crowds of people. They were holding drinks and laughing, talking together as they made different gestures with their hands. You spotted one man who seemed to procure a champagne bottle out of nowhere and pour it into a lady’s awaiting glass. When your eyes glossed over to her, she pulled out a small piece of paper that had writing mysteriously appear on it without any mark of a pencil or pen. 

Are they using magic? 

Your thoughts were disrupted when he stopped in front of you and gestured to a door. “He’s right in here. Inform him you are here for the initiation, and he will begin the questioning.” 

You nodded your thanks and he dismissed himself. You attempted to watch him leave the hallway, but he stopped and turned to watch you before he could disappear out of his sight. You exchanged a polite smile before turning the knob and walking inside the room. You quickly shut it behind you and glanced forward, only for your eyes to lock with the orange ones of a stout man sitting behind a large desk. 

'Orange eyes?' You dwelled over the peculiarity for only a second before your attention flitted over to who was beside him. 

And your jaw dropped in shock.

[tf2emporium]

New War Paint, White Chip! Vote now on Steam Workshop This item was created by: Aydan (https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198054591890)

[ghost-town-story]

Find the Word Tag

Got a couple of tags here from @oh-no-another-idea. Thanks for the tags!

Before this gets too long, I’ll tag @dogmomwrites, @loopyhoopywrites, @lunafioreauthor, and whoever else wants to! Your words will be turn, study, burst, vengeance, and noise.

Words: Loss, super, proud, arrogant, sparkle, necklace, gun, handkerchief, metal, shrug

Loss (Astral Part 1)

Nashira held him for a few more moments, then she let go and took a few steps back. Will couldn’t help but stagger a little at the sudden loss of his support. He must have been more tired than he thought, to so quickly relax and come undone.

“Come with me,” Nashira said, then she turned on her heel and started off along the path between the tents.

Will blinked for a moment, his brain churning to catch up, then he stumbled into motion. 

Super (Stars)

Antonio laughs softly, but before I can pull my hand back he reaches out to take it in his. “Tying to touch a star?” he teases.

I hope he’s not looking at me, or that the low lighting will hide how my face is red from his teasing. “I know I can’t,” I defend myself.

Antonio laughs again, bringing our hands back down. My hand ends up on his chest. I can feel his heart beat, feel his chest rise and fall as he breathes.

“I mean, Mamma kinda turned me into an astronomy nerd, so I know they’re super hot and I doubt we could even get close in a ship, this ship at least, I don’t know the specifications, maybe a really insulated one—” I realize I’m flustered and rambling, and I press my free hand to my mouth to stop the words from tumbling out.

Proud (Nova)

“Why did you come home?” It was their mother.

“Felt like it.” And that was, surprisingly, the truth. “I’m going to walk James to school once he gets back down here.”

“James—”

“Is going to go whether you allow him or not, so get over it,” Myles cut her off. Secretly, he was proud that James had almost as much of a rebellious streak as he did.

“There’s no need for him to put himself at risk.”

Myles shooed his little sister off to the kitchen. She didn’t need to, couldn’t hear what they were talking about.

“You and I both know he’ll be a risk one day,” he said lowly.

Arrogant (Nova)

By lunch time, even more rumors were flying about James’s doppelganger. The most prevalent of them, and therefore the ones Summer would be most inclined to believe, painted him as an arrogant asshole who quickly got pissed off when people compared him to James.

Sparkle (Astral Part 1)

Aiden pulled the vial of blue-grey glitter out of his pocket. “Just who are you, Rose?” he whispered, watching the contents sparkle in the sunlight.

Necklace (Astral Part 1)

Aiden kept his eyes on Rose as she unfastened a chain from around her neck. “One of the last times we met the princess’s guardian, he gave us this.”

Aiden held out his hand, and Rose gently deposited the necklace there for him to examine.

“He said that, when we’re ready to fight Maddox and need the princess, that this will call them.”

Aiden moved the chain to examine the pendant. It looked like it was made out of stained glass, a dusty pink rose set against a blue sky and surrounded by gold.

Gun (Nova)

Jay saw a flash of blue light illuminate the buildings next to him. In one move, he whirled around and unholstered his gun, aiming it at the source. He found himself looking down the street at a boy standing underneath the nearest streetlight.

Jay quickly sized him up. The boy’s t-shirt and pajama pants did nothing to protect him from the rain that quickly soaked him, and he was soon shivering under the harsh glare of the streetlight. But even his impression of a drowned kitten wasn’t enough to override the warning bells going off in Jay’s brain at the sight of the boy’s blue-lensed tech goggles or the bandages wrapped around his left arm.

Handkerchief didn’t have so Napkin (Nova AU)

Aydan reached up and tugged at the white streak in Jay’s hair. “Look at you, you distinguished old gentleman,” she teased.

“Oh, I’ll show you distinguished old gentleman,” Jay retorted, his arm going around Aydan’s waist.

Basil gave a pointed little cough. Jay smirked and licked Aydan’s cheek before going back to his lunch.

“Gross,” Aydan complained, accepting the napkin Basil handed her to wipe off her cheek.

Metal (Astral Part 1)

“No,” Yavin said decisively. “She may be useful. You see, Maddox, my sister and I have discovered another of our siblings’ plans, one that could prove quite the hinderance to both our ambitions.”

Yavin rolled up his sleeves and placed his hands on Maddox’s desk, revealing cuffs around his wrists. They were made of some silvery-blue metal that was heavily streaked with rust and covered in engravings that Danielle didn’t immediately recognize.

“When our siblings decided to lock us in that prison,” Yavin said, his voice low, “they not only prevented the use of magic within our cell, but also decided to lock away mine and Europa’s magic, via these handy little cuffs.” He lifted a hand and shook his wrist briefly.

Shrug (Astral Part 1)

“Who is Vernize?”

“I’m… not too sure,” Aiden admitted. “He said he was once the prince of Astral—still might be, depending on who you ask, but Maddox keeps him locked up in the dungeon.”

Even in the greenish light, Aiden saw Finn’s face go pale. “Jake?” he whispered.

Aiden shrugged.

Jared gave Finn a strange look. “Do you really think…?”

Finn ignored the question. “He didn’t give you any other name?” he asked Aiden.

“He couldn’t,” Aiden explained. “He said Maddox took most of his name.”

[originalhybridloverfics-backup]

What You Left Behind Ch2

Eda opened her eyes and immediately closed them at the bright lights. Turning her head, she opened them again.

White walls, chemical smells mix with lemon, large windows with blinds. A hospital room.

Why was she in a hospital room? 

She tried to move, but groaned with the effort as she moved into a sitting position. 

“Eda!’ She turned her head to see her aunt rushing into the room. “You shouldn’t move too quickly.”

“Tired,” she said. 

“You should rest more.” Ayfer sat on the edge of the bed and brushed Eda’s hair back. “When we saw on the news what happened, I was in a panic. Sirius being hauled off by the pound for attacking that reporter, you being rushed into an ambulance. It was enough to take years off my life.” 

With the mention of the reporters, it all came back to Eda, and she jolted up, ignoring the exhaustion, the pain. “Sirius! I have to go and get him.”

Ayfer gripped her shoulders, forcing her back. “Sirius is fine. Seyfi went and got him from the dog pound. He’s safe at home, waiting for you to come back.”

Eda calmed her breathing, her initial panic leaving her. “Good. Good, I can’t lose him. He’s all I have left of Serkan.”

“He’s not.” Ayfer’s eyes filled with tears. 

“What are you talking about?” Eda's brow furrowed. 

“Eda, you’re pregnant.” Ayfer told her gently. 

Eda looked at her aunt, stunned. “Wha-I can’t,” a pit formed in her stomach with a dawning horror. “The blood. I lost it-”

“No,” Ayfer quickly shook her head. “Your baby is still with you. I will get the doctor. He will explain everything.”

Eda watched her leave, doubt feeling her. How could this be true?

After all the pain, was she truly granted this one last miracle? 

She looked up at approaching footsteps to see Aydan rushing into the room with Seyfi. “Eda! Thank god you’re okay. You had us all worried.”

Eda accepted her hug, finding herself unable to form words as her hand moved to her abdomen instinctively. 

Was there really a life created by Serkan and her growing inside her? 

“I’m sorry.” Eda apologized. She didn’t want to worry anyone. “Aunt said Sirius is safe. Where is he?”

“He’s with Melo. She’s watching him until they release you.” Seyfi assured her. “He’s a little ill tempered at the moment, but I think that just because he wants you after what happened.”

“Thank you.” Eda said. Sirius is just as much her baby as the one she just learned about. 

“Did you know? About the baby?” Aydan asked. 

Her tone wasn’t accusatory, but Eda still felt them like they were. 

“No,” Eda shook her head. “Of course not. If I had known, I would have been taking better care of myself.” Tears slipped down Eda’s cheek, grief swelling in her chest made it hard for her to breathe. “Ever since Serkan…I haven’t cared about anything. Not even myself. I didn’t see the point of anything without him. He has became my soul.”

Aydan’s eyes filled with tears and she reached out to take Eda’s hand, gripping tightly. 

“How do you go on living without a soul?” asked Eda, her frame started to shake. “I didn’t want to, but I didn’t know about the baby. I didn’t know I had a piece of Serkan living inside me. I didn’t know.”

Aydan shushed Eda when she began to cry earnestly, sitting on the edge of the bed and gathering the young woman in her arms.

“It’s going to be okay. You’ll take better care of yourself and when Serkan finally comes home, you will have the greatest welcome home present to give him.” Aydan rubbed her hand up and down her back as Eda hugged her tightly. 

Eda nodded against her shoulder, needing to believe that Serkan would come home to her one day. 

She only hoped that day would be soon. 

“Ms. Yildiz?” 

Eda pulled away from Aydan, wiping at her eyes hastily. She turned her body toward the voice. A man walked into the room with her aunt. He looked to be in his forties and was dressed in the traditional white doctor’s coat. 

“I am Dr. Zorlu. I was the physician that oversaw your care when you were brought in. It has been brought to my attention that you were not aware of your pregnancy.”

Eda shook her head. “Is the baby okay?”

“Yes, please, do not worry. It’s not good for you or the baby.” He answered. “Your baby will be fine. I assure you we are giving you the best care we have to offer.”

“Why did I bleed?” Eda asked warily. 

“It is my belief that you were under a lot of stress, which can be very harmful to you and the baby. Your blood pressure is irregular and you are underweight for being 12 weeks pregnant. Your body is lacking the proper nourishment to keep both you and your baby healthy.”

“What can I do?” Eda asked, needing to give her baby the best chance. 

“Take care of yourself. I know you are going through a difficult time, but this is important for you both.” Dr. Zorlu said. “I will be starting you on some pregnancy vitamins and a special diet to lower your blood pressure, a mild blood pressure medication that is perfectly safe for a woman in your condition and will not harm your baby.”

Eda hung onto his every word, willing to do whatever he said for the sake of her unborn baby. 

“Now, you have a mild concussion after hitting your head when you fell. It’s being monitored closely to avoid any complications. I also would like to keep you for a few days for observation. It’s important we get you the proper nourishments and lower your blood pressure. You will need to do your best to cut stress from your routine. It’s a detriment to your recovery.”

“I’ll do anything,” Eda assured. 

“We will transfer you to a different room in a little bit, but first, would you like to see your baby?” Dr. Zorlu asked. 

“Can I?” Eda asked, hope filling her. 

It was the most alive Ayfer had seen Eda, and she was thankful for this one last gift Serkan had given Eda.

“Can I stay?” Aydan asked when Dr. Zorlu began gathering his equipment. 

“Yes,” Eda squeezed her hand in hers. 

“If that’s what you want.” Dr. Zorlu assured Eda. 

Eda nodded. If she couldn’t share this with Serkan, at least she could share it with the only other woman who shared her grief of losing him. 

A few minutes later, Eda was gripping tightly to both her aunt’s hand and Aydan’s as Dr. Zorlu ran a Doppler over her stomach. She watched the grainy image in front of her, dying to see her baby. 

She needed it to be real. Something real and tangible of Serkan to hold on to. 

She heard it before she saw it, a rapid thud, thud, thud. 

“Is that..?”

“Your baby’s heartbeat?” Dr. Zorlu smiled. “Yes.”

“Is it supposed to be that fast?” Eda asked, feeling like her own heart was going to pound right out of her chest. 

“It’s perfectly normal,” he answered, his smile widening as he found what he was looking, an image appeared on the screen. 

Eda released Aydan and Ayfer’s hand as she saw what was the clear shape of a baby on the monitor. It was black and white and graining, but the image was clear and she could see it moving, its little waving. 

She brought her hand to her mouth, tears slipping down her cheeks. 

That was her baby. Serkan should be here. 

It was a bittersweet moment, the sadness that he wasn’t there to share in the happy moment of seeing and hearing their baby for the first. 

Eda promised she would save everything, every recording, picture, moment for when he came home. 

He had to come home. He had a family waiting for him. 

“Oh my god,” Aydan turned and hugged Seyfi, who was crying openly. 

Ayfer swept Eda’s hair back, kissing her niece’s forehead, unable to believe Eda was going to be a mom. 

Eda’s hands went to her stomach, her touch reverent. She already felt so much for the life growing inside of her. 

Serkan always gave her the best gifts. Even now, he continued to do so. She would cherish and protect it with all her heart.

[sportscarolinamonthly]

NC State Newsstand: Pack CB Aydan White named to Jim Thorpe Award Watch List

Published by On3 NC State senior cornerback Aydan White has become a lockdown defender for the Wolfpack over the years. Now, he has been recognized for his elite play heading into his final year of college football. White earned his way onto the Paycom Jim Thorpe Award Preseason Watch List, which honors the top defensive back in college football, on Wednesday. The Asheville, N.C., native, has…

[lyrics365]

Those Days

[Music and Lyrics by Aydan] Along the winding road, into the storm Far away from home Rain washes away the tokens gathered through life Where the snow’s covering all around in a silence painted white Where nobody can recall your face at first sight [Chorus:] Read the lines that no one reads They are written everywhere See the things that no one can see things that God forbids There were runes can…

[brandonwayneb]

say shadow Jitsu

say rights Irish Welsh Celtic Jewish

also say Free Jack Channels Humans Rights Survivalists Life Honors First Laws before white corruption massed sick seas sickness at worker bees blame’s clairvoyant hives and lairs white photographers

and dont accept Steve Jobs

illegal whites false claims Even Stevens

don’t do tai chi without shadow Jitsu

and say “you’re right, he can hear out zero skits, and say illegal whites eat skittles on the floor while stalking each other.”

shadow Jitsu, and don’t do chai tea without laws to help fight white crimes at justified

decir sombra jitsu

decir derechos irlandés galés celta judío

también diga Free Jack Channels Humans Rights Survivalists Life Honors First Laws antes de que la corrupción blanca se acumulara mares enfermos enfermedad de las abejas obreras colmenas y guaridas clarividentes de la culpa fotógrafos blancos

y no aceptes a Steve Jobs

blancos ilegales afirmaciones falsas Incluso Stevens

no hagas tai chi sin shadow jitsu

y decir "tienes razón, él puede escuchar cero parodias, y decir que los blancos ilegales comen bolos en el piso mientras se acechan".

shadow Jitsu, y no hagas té chai sin leyes para ayudar a combatir los crímenes blancos en justificados

그림자짓수 말하기

say rights 아일랜드 웨일스 켈트 유대인

또한 Free Jack Channels Humans Rights Survivalists Life Honors First Laws before White 부패가 일벌에게 병든 해병을 대량으로 퍼뜨리기 전에 백인 사진작가의 천리안 하이브와 은신처를 비난한다고 말합니다.

그리고 스티브 잡스를 받아들이지 마세요

불법 백인 허위 주장 심지어 Stevens

그림자 주짓수 없이는 태극권을 하지 마세요

"네 말이 맞아, 그는 제로 촌극을 들을 수 있고 불법 백인들이 서로 스토킹하면서 바닥에서 스키틀즈를 먹는다고 말한다."

Shadow Jitsu, 정당한 방법으로 백인 범죄와 싸우는 데 도움이 되는 법 없이 차이 티를 하지 마십시오.

geulimjajis-su malhagi

say rights aillaendeu weilseu kelteu yudaein

ttohan Free Jack Channels Humans Rights Survivalists Life Honors First Laws before White bupaega ilbeol-ege byeongdeun haebyeong-eul daelyang-eulo peotteuligi jeon-e baeg-in sajinjaggaui cheonlian haibeuwa eunsincheoleul binanhandago malhabnida.

geuligo seutibeu jabseuleul bad-adeul-iji maseyo

bulbeob baeg-in heowi jujang simjieo Stevens

geulimja jujis-su eobs-ineun taegeuggwon-eul haji maseyo

"ne mal-i maj-a, geuneun jelo chongeug-eul deul-eul su issgo bulbeob baeg-indeul-i seolo seutokinghamyeonseo badag-eseo seukiteuljeuleul meogneundago malhanda."

Shadow Jitsu, jeongdanghan bangbeob-eulo baeg-in beomjoewa ssauneun de doum-i doeneun beob eobs-i chai tileul haji masibsio.

qul jatsu alzili

yaqul al'iinsan al'ayrlandiu alwilziu alyahudiu

yaqul aydan Free Jack Channels alnaajun min huquq al'iinsan alhayaat tukrim alqawanin al'uwlaa qabl 'an yahshid alfasad al'abyad marad albahaar fi eamilat alnahl yulqi biallawm ealaa khalaya alnahl wamakhabi almusawirin albayd

wala 'aqbal stif jubz

albayd mazaeim kadhibat ghayr shareiat hataa stifniz

la tumaris tay tshi bidun zili jitsu

wayaquluna: "'ant ealaa haqin , yumkinuh samae 'ayi tamthiliaat masrahiat , wayaqul 'iina albayd ghayr alshareiiyn yakulun laebat albulinj ealaa al'ard baynama yutaridun baedahum albaeda."

Shadow Jitsu , wala tatanawal shay shay bidun qawanin lilmusaeadat fi muharabat jarayim albayd ealaa nahw mubarir

قل جتسو الظل

يقول الإنسان الأيرلندي الويلزي اليهودي

يقول أيضًا Free Jack Channels الناجون من حقوق الإنسان الحياة تكرم القوانين الأولى قبل أن يحشد الفساد الأبيض مرض البحار في عاملات النحل يلقي باللوم على خلايا النحل ومخابئ المصورين البيض

ولا أقبل ستيف جوبز

البيض مزاعم كاذبة غير شرعية حتى ستيفنز

لا تمارس تاي تشي بدون ظل جيتسو

ويقولون: "أنت على حق ، يمكنه سماع أي تمثيليات مسرحية ، ويقول إن البيض غير الشرعيين يأكلون لعبة البولنج على الأرض بينما يطاردون بعضهم البعض."

Shadow Jitsu ، ولا تتناول شاي شاي بدون قوانين للمساعدة في محاربة جرائم البيض على نحو مبرر

[micahblanco]

[aslibekroglu]

Favorite Aydan Bolat Outfits

[handemiyyy]

Nothing is black and white. Not even the things we judge to be the simplest such as a “are you a night owl or an early bird?” question. For every answer, for every action, behind it lies a very complex reason for why you picked a determined answer. In life, it’s the same. Things are multicolored, multifaceted and depending of a handful of factors combined that will impulse someone to take a certain action or opt for a certain answer. It really has put me into a lot of thinking when I found out the plot regarding Sen Çal Kapımı’s season 2, and seeing so many people start to take sides of such complex and delicate situation made me wonder that maybe people were not seeing the full picture, maybe they were seeing a plain image instead of the 3D situation presented to them.

If you know the characters’ story, you understand both Eda and Serkan’s actions are totally characteristic of them and correct in their own way. I’ll assume if you’re reading this you have knowledge of that, so I shall skip to the present situation and plot: Eda and Serkan broke up and stayed 5 years apart, but this turn in their love story has a bittersweet exception. Their child, Kiraz. Which Serkan does not know of.

EDA

Eda was asked to leave. After standing by his side through his cancer and thinking she’d finally live the life she dreamed with the love of her life, he broke up with her. They fought a lot, he let it explicit he’d never have a family, he closed himself to the world, to Eda, he resetted back to the robot-mode workaholic burying himself in projects that he forgot life. The life he had with Eda. His behavior affected her as well, that closed off too, and although they were together, they kept distancing from each other every day a little more. Until they saw that there was no point in that relationship. Eda shows that after 5 years his words and cold behaviour towards her still hurts her deeply, even making the analogy that she’s “just a toy” for him (ep 2 in the conversation scene with Burak). From her perspective, he decided to throw their years and relationship in the trash because he was the heartless insensitive man he was when they first met. Imagine you invest so much of yourself to someone just for this person to turn to you and tell you he doesn’t want to hear from you, or have you near. You’d be hurt. Especially after all you’ve been put through to be by his side and live your love freely. It was beyond plausible for her to leave and not look back (okay, Aydan?) and whoever had close insight of their relationship and how it deteriorated would agree with that. There’s only so much a person can handle. It was time Eda put herself first, especially when she was carrying a baby that Serkan supposedly wouldn’t want. She feared rejection, not just for her but for their baby, an innocent unborn child, a consequence of their love that was not the same anymore. He had said in her face that he didn’t want children, so she acted out of protectiveness for herself and her child. She couldn’t bare him rejecting the child. Maybe he would have changed his mind when she told him that she was pregnant, but she couldn’t have known that. Serkan turned into someone that was unrecognizable, even for Eda. He wasn’t just the cold workaholic we’ve seen in the beginning of the dizi, he was a cold-traumatized workaholic. So she escorted herself out of that relationship and did not think twice to come back around and tell him about the pregnancy when she found out in Italy. It was basically the logic that if he didn’t want her, why would he want her baby?

SERKAN

Serkan had to endure so much. After all the little things that consumed their relationship, after the plane crash, memory loss, he found out he had cancer. There is no way a person would stay the same after going through such awful disease. Serkan’s fear spoke louder than anything else, because he’s always been the kind of person to stay miserable and let her go so she doesn’t deal with the burden of being with him. Serkan’s hypochondria spoke louder telling him he was cured but not safe from cancer, and he couldn’t bare going through or putting Eda through that again. Even worse, leave her widowed. Probably the reason he kept postponing their wedding. During treatment he was still vulnerable, having Eda’s support all the way, trying to stay sane with all the mood changes and occasional insensitive behaviour towards her and everybody else. It cannot be put in words by a person that fortunately never had to go through or witness a person with cancer, but all of his “inconsistency” is more than justified. He never did it on purpose, it was the collateral effects of his disease, psychologically and physically speaking. After beating cancer, things seemed to have a bright future until it hadn’t. Serkan’s self sabotage knocked him down again, making him reset back to his old ways, except this time he had much more baggage and traumas than before. He shut everybody out, even the only person that he let in, and drowned in work, obsessed with “becoming immortal” through his projects. He forgot life, he forgot the love of his life. Not because he wanted to, but because his unconscious wanted to protect himself, and her. What if cancer came back? He knew very much of diseases as a person so worried about his health, he knew there were chances that it would come back. He’s gone through it once and barely survived, he’s seen the state he’s put him and Eda’s relationship through, he felt like a burden more than ever before. He didn’t want to hold her back, he didn’t want to have her stuck with him, taking care of his ill self that wasn’t even sure would make through the cancer treatment. He always felt unworthy of her, imagine now. He didn’t want children, because he feared they’d become fatherless. He didn’t want to set a wedding date, because he feared he’d leave his wife a widow. Or not make her happy. And he knew they weren’t happy. Because once he digged back down on his workaholic hole, he didn’t come back up again. It was stronger than him, he kept pushing her away and burying himself deeper. And she closed off just like him, so they both closed off in their own lonely cocoon and started to slowly become strangers again. Until one day he asked her to leave, and she didn’t see a reason to stay.

—

He told her to leave, he told her to stay far away from him because he wanted to protect her, and most selfishly, himself from more potential pain, suffering and heartbreak. He thought it’d be the less hurtful way (just like the plot of the secret about Eda’s parents accident), except he just made it worse for her. It doesn’t mean he’s a monster, a heartless human or an ungrateful bastard as many people are portraying him to be. It makes him human, it makes him a human with fears and insecurities, too aware of his own mortality and how it would affect the people that were dearest to him. Because when you’re sick, not only you go through stuff, the people around you, the people that loves and cares for you also goes through it all with you, to the point it can affect them personally too. He never came around and explained his reasons, because when he closed off his feelings were shut off. He bottled it all up and never said a thing, leaving Eda thinking the absolute worst of him and that still reflects in her hesitance about him 5 years later with an apparent normal Serkan back in her life. Serkan, now fully recovered and back to being himself, finds Eda again and everything he’s been trying to keep hidden, all the suppressed feelings and unfinished business he’s had with her, came back banging. He can’t let her go, he said it himself at that night talk. He can’t because he still needs to say a lot to her, to apologize to her even though it was NOT his fault. NEVER his fault. Nor hers, for leaving.

Serkan beat cancer years ago, but he never went looking for her. We’ve seen enough of their story and Serkan’s fears to know that he’s always felt that he wasn’t enough for her and that he’s brought to her life only pain, so it’s totally understandable why he never reached to her when he was sane again. He wanted her to be happy and free and she would only be able to do that if she was far away from him. And of course, Eda being hurt wouldn’t want to come back, wouldn’t want to keep in touch with him, so she cut ties entirely. She was on her right to not come to him when she found out about the pregnancy, because she knew he still wasn’t him. He was barely fighting for himself, living for himself, caring for himself, how would he do that for a child? But then he comes back… now what? Eda wants to run away from him, afraid he’d hurt her the way he did before. But he’s not that post-cancer Serkan, he still has the scars and the trauma but you can clearly see that he’s back to being the old Robot Bolat. He’s still closed off, but the initial scare and fear of abandonment disappeared with the passing years of him being healthy again. He sees Eda and he wants to be around her again, because he never truly wanted to part ways with her. Eda hides a secret, a secret she’s not right nor wrong to hide, she just figured it was best. And even in the first moments of him being around, it’s understandable that she wanted to hide the fact she has a child to him, as it may be a huge shock and turn of events. She doesn’t trust him, more precisely his reaction, and she’s unsure of what to expect. She needs him to give her a proof that he’s not the same unstable Serkan she witnessed before she left. She needs him to open up, he needs to open up to her. That is just it, the reason none of them could ever move forward, apart of their ever growing and intense love for each other. They still have a lot that was not talked, that was not finished, they didn’t solve their issues, therefore they didn’t heal.

Tell me how can you blame a mother for choosing her child over any possible heartbreak? How can you blame a woman for walking away after being so emotionally drained and not being able to put up with an exhausting relationship for BOTH of them? How can you blame her for not wanting to live that life with him when he wasn’t putting any effort on their relationship or on his fiancée? How could she guess what he was feeling, what he wanted to say, what were the reasons for his behavior if he closed off and never spoke a word?

Tell me how can you blame a traumatized man with so many complexities for closing off and pushing everybody away in order to not hurt them? How can you blame an hypochondriac man for wanting his beloved to be free from any strings attached to him and his disease because he can’t bare the fact he could possibly die and leave her suffering? How can you blame a human being that has gone through such a traumatic disease and invasive treatment as cancer that affects the whole being, physically and mentally, and transforms them into someone vulnerable and afraid? How can you blame this man for acting the way he did when he’s only done that because of all the fears he’s been accumulating since his childhood, his psychological traumas. How can it be his fault?

Serkan would die for Eda if it didn’t mean she would suffer for his loss.

Eda would be unhappy for eternity if it meant she could stay by Serkan’s side.

They would do anything for each other, and at one way or another, they did. Until their relationship deteriorated and they couldn’t keep going on, because they were losing themselves in an endless looping of traumas and pain. They were together but together they couldn’t do the healing, they were so exhausted they couldn’t heal each other nor themselves, it became unhealthy for them. But beware, it WAS NOT any of them’s fault, it qas just how they were living their lives. Their post-traumatic lives.

Sometimes there’s no right or wrong, there are just different point of views of a certain situation that’s so hard to grasp and so difficult to understand unless you’re personally living it. But trying to put yourself in their shoes also would do.

So please, yeter with the Eda AND SERKAN slander. Both were in their own right.

[lizacstuff]

Which of these two meddling mamas is worse? Aydan or Ayfer?

NO CONTEST. Ayfer.

Ayfer is the WOOOOOOOOOOORST.

Listen, sure, Aydan is suddenly all anti-Eda and she doesn't seem to have a reason for it other than she left when Serkan pushed her away, but it doesn't matter, because she has zero power over Serkan. Serkan does not listen to her or heed her when it comes to her trying to meddle in his life. Her meddling isn't really annoying, because it's ineffectual. Also, she may have some sort of grudge, however that hasn't manifested into her doing something horrible like lying and hiding a child for 5 years, or putting pressure on her son to lie and hide a child from the child's other parent for 5 years.

Ayfer on the other is a nasty, intolerable piece of work that puts so much pressure on Eda that Eda feels like she can't tell her the truth and has to hide the fact that she has spoken to Kiraz's father. They were literally tiptoeing around behind her back and lying to her face because of what her reaction would be. That is fucked up.

Plus Ayfer is actively trying to prevent Eda from telling Serkan the truth. She was thrilled Melo stole the letter they thought Eda wrote. That is beyond anything that is in the realm of acceptable. So can you imagine how she reacted any time over the years where Eda might have been feeling like she wanted to reach out to Serkan? I bet Ayfer is a big reason Eda never told him and that influence is one of the big reasons she is 100 times worse than Aydan.

Also Ayfer is actively trying to marry Eda off to a man she doesn't have feelings for whose apparent biggest selling point is that he's not Serkan, just to prevent Serkan from being a part of his daughter's life. Why doesn't she give a sh-t about what Eda wants or how Eda feels? Why would she want Eda in a loveless marriage with a stale piece of white bread? I don't know but she clearly doesn't care what Eda actually wants or needs, she just cares that neither Kiraz nor Eda has Serkan.

Additionally, Ayfer gets uptight when anyone says anything positive about Kiraz's father particularly when someone points out how Kiraz takes after him.  So basically she's setting up a situation where eventually Kiraz will sense that any of "those" traits and talents are bad and something to be ashamed of because of crotchety, old, Great Aunt Ayfer's reactions. That alone is enough to kick her out of Kiraz's life. No joke, that's exactly how kids get insecurities and emotional scars.

Also, from the teaser, we know that Ayfer is actively trying to cut her great niece off from her actual family money. "We don't need his money." Listen, bitch, that's not your call. Ayfer only had a flower shop because Serkan intervened and saved it. Now she's a temporary cook and she's 100% living off her niece. So she doesn't get to make financial decisions for Eda and Kiraz, not only because it's none of her damn business, but because she's terrible at it!

On a final note, Aydan is tolerable because she's funny. Her antics are amusing. Her meddling is played for comedy.

Ayfer is humorless. Her antics are boring and she's an insufferable, judgmental gasbag who does real damage and who can't leave soon enough. Can we trade her to get Ferit back?

[giulsherondale]

"Please change your expression."

"What expression?"

"I'm talking about your sly grin, please change."

"I can't get over myself."

She slaps Serkan😂

"Love gets tired of a lots of whims."

Serkan kissed her again😍

Eda compares Serkan to potatoes. His faces were so funny during the speech.

"You agree with the fact that I have brought color to your boring life?"

"Color? You brought the whole rainbow in my life."

Serkan Bolat definitely knows how to made a woman swoon at his feet.

I love the fact that Leyla calls Eda immediately when Serkan does not respond at her calls. And I love that Serkan turn off the phone every time he's with Eda, because he doesn't want to be disturbed even more.

What the hell Alptekin you have the courage to ask for divorce like that?! Where is your pride? He didn't even say sorry to her. Bad move, zero character development.

Selin and her last sneaky move, she made everyone guilty, Ferit, Eda and even Ceren. I really can't stand her. The only thing that she did right was selling the shares.

I liked the way Serkan reacted to the truth revelation, he actually surprised me when he forgive Ferit immediately. So proud of him.

Aydan hug with Eda and Serkan... Ahh Aydan you don't have an idea of how much I love you.

"To make amends, i give you a chance."

"A chance?"

"Yes."

"What are you up to Serkan Bolat?"

"The right to three wishes."

Honestly... Serkan is soooo smart. Great move babe. I love that he asked her to fulfill three wishes.

"Why doesn't she speak? Engin don't talk like you don't know Piril. With women like Piril, one should listen not to what they say, but to what they are silent about."

Serkan and Engin friendship is so special. And Serkan really knows how to advise friends in love. And I love the fact that when Engin asks him how is going with Eda he tells him that Eda has to try too to get their relationship work. It's so true actually, because by now only Serkan made steps towards Eda, but now she has to do that too.

"If you have time, I'd like to discuss something with you."

"Yes, I have something to tell you."

"If you will allow me, I will begin. I understand that I could not become a good father for you. But I'm sure that... You will be a wonderful father. I don't know how important my opinion is to you, but believe me... Eda is a very correct person. If you don't make the mistakes that I have made you will be very happy. "

"Thank you for your words. I never want to see you again. Not in my... You will never appear again in my mother's life."

"Yes. I will not appear in your life again. You can be sure. But... One day, I know that you will forgive me. And further... If one day you need help or get stuck... Then I'll be there. You are my son and I am your father. And nothing will change that."

I actually really liked this conversation. I still hate Alptekin but this was nice. And the thing that I like the most is that when Alptekin goes away he put the chair in place. It's a little thing but so important. We all knew this "order" obsession, and I was happy to see that he noticed that. And Kerem acting in this scene was amazing. And how sweet was Ferit that he wanted to check on Serkan to saw if he was okay.

"Are you free?"

"Yes. I'm always free for you."

"I was worried about you... Alptekin bey..."

"In moments like this, Eda, I have a wonderful remedy. This is work. Work is the second thing in the world that makes me feel good."

"What’s the first thing?"

"Guess?"

"Sports activities?"

"No."

"Vacation?"

"No."

"Nothing else comes to my mind."

"This don't get out of my head at all."

EDA IT'S HIS FIRST THING THAT MAKES HIM FEEL GOOD.

"Good. Perfect. Really good."

"Perfect?"

"Perfect. I'm talking about the portfolio. She's also beautiful in human terms. And the great thing is that she knows English."

"English... And portfolio. Everyone here knows English."

"Yes."

"Are they all beautiful?"

"That's why they work for us Eda."

"Did you say that they are all beautiful?"

"Yes... So... Good."

"In my opinion, none of them."

"Eda, they are all successful in their field."

"We cannot know this from one interview. As you know, but Efe wouldn't want to."

"Efe wouldn't want to... But Efe is not here."

"That's it, which one suits you? Which one of them?"

"I'm looking for a decent PR manager who will be good at his job. You... Are little..."

"A little what?"

"Are you jealous?"

"Me? Jealous?"

"A little."

"Don't be silly."

"A little bit."

"No! Why should I be jealous?! But they stick to you, you know? Pay attention to this, they were glued. Of course it doesn't concern me... But if you like this attention... As you want."

"If you feel calmer we can find a man."

I love jealous Eda, just like Serkan loves her jealous. It was so funny to watch her being jealous. And Eda expression when she sees Balca... Priceless.

"Then consider the males candidates, because women pisses you off a little."

I'm in love with confident Serkan.

Selin sneaky move pt. 2. Why the hell did she tells Balca every about Serkan private life? And why did she tells her that if she want to have success in the agency she has to know Serkan personally? Really Selin you couldn't have Serkan so now you don't want him to be happy with Eda? What a waste of character... I'm actually mad at her she's really the worst.

Have you noticed Bedo (the hairstylist) between the journalists?😂

SORRY BUT I'M STILL HERE... PHYSICALLY... MENTALLY... EMOTIONALLY❤️✨

"I want you to surprise me."

"How?"

"On one night you knock on my door."

"Why should I come to you?"

"So that you surprise me."

"And then what? Leave?"

"You will come in."

"To do what? I'm leaving."

"Eda, sit down. You will come into my house and watch a movie with me."

"Suddenly? Are you suggesting that I knock on your door?"

"You knock on my door."

"We will see a movie?"

"Exactly."

"Only?"

"We can eat popcorn too."

"Popcorn? You don't eat that Serkan."

"I have changed a lot Eda. I'll eat, even if a little, but we will eat them... Very little."

"I think I can agree to that."

The fact that Serkan want to know if she will come to his house tonight show us how badly he wants to spend some time alone with her. My romantic robot.

Serkan prepare the entire house in a romantic way, with candles, wine, soft light... And when someone finally knock at his door... Who is he? Engin, and than Ferit... And in the end Erdem. This scene was hilarious, sooo funny. I actually like this boys night, I'd like that they will do that more often. And when Engin notices that the house is really warm I thought... Soo Serkan I wonder why you warm up the house like that... You don't want that Eda gets cold right?😏

I really like Ferit and Ceren together, they are cute.

The way Eda go near Serkan as she sees Selin. I love my protective woman. And I hate how they wrote Selin, no character development, she keeps running after a dream that she made with Serkan... Girl go and do something for yourself for once. I'm so happy that we get rid of her, but I'm sad for Bige, she is actually a really good actress.

During the dance scene I felt too much. The chemistry was on fire🔥

Engin proposal... I loved it. You know I go horse riding and if my boyfriend would have ask me to marry him on a white horse I would have said yes immediately😂. And how proud Serkan was of his friends. I love their friendship.

What the hell Serkan? What the hell? Pizza? With Balca? No I'm sorry maybe I didn't understand... A beautiful speech about a woman changing your life, the fact that she made you live again but really Serkan? I really don't understand him? Why he behave like that? My poor baby Eda. I know that Serkan doesn'tlike Balca in that way but I understand her if she gets mad and starts screaming. Come on Serkan help yourself a little.

[mrsgreenworld]

So, something great came from one of my conversations with @moodypetrichorlove . Here we were, just chatting about all things Sen Çal Kapımı when a fic idea came up and all of a sudden a beautiful partnership was born.

And now I am proud to present the product of our collaboration. Words cannot deliver what a joy it's been working on this together with you, @moodypetrichorlove! To say I am grateful is to say nothing because "grateful" is simply "too small a word"😊💓

A/N: A slight canon divergence where Efe doesn't leave and Eda continues working with him. After having learned the truth about her parents' death she, however, stops coming to the Art Life office and works remotely. A month later, Eda and Serkan see each other at a business lunch. What happens next helps to break the wall that is now standing between them... Or does it?

A Thing So Small

“I don’t blame you. How can I blame you for something that wasn’t your fault? I can’t. And I won’t. But the fact that you hid the truth about the most important thing in my life from me? That I cannot forgive. Not now. I cannot even look at you right now . ”   

“Serkan? Serkan! Are you even listening to me?” Engin’s loud voice pulls Serkan from the dark corners of his mind where the echoes of Eda’s last words to him are too real and too sharp.  

“Huh?”  

“Are you alright, Abicim? You don’t look very good. Maybe we shouldn’t have agreed to this meeting. I have a really bad feeling about this,” Engin keeps rambling into Serkan’s ear.  

“Don’t be ridiculous. I am fine, Engin.”  

“You sure? Because you haven’t seen each other for a month. Your only line of communication with her has been Efe. You cannot stand the guy! And I know that him being so close to Eda has been driving you crazy.”  

Serkan shifts uncomfortably in his seat upon hearing Efe’s name. He can feel that a vein on his right temple is about to start pulsing so he nervously rubs the spot with his fingers.  

“I knew it was a bad idea! There! You’re doing the thing!” Engin exclaims. 

“What thing?” Serkan asks, confused.  

“The rubbing your forehead or temples thing! You always do this when you see Efe near Eda.”  

“I... I don’t. I told you I am fine.”  

Engin opens his mouth to protest but clearly decides against it and goes for silently studying his best friend instead.  

Serkan wonders what Engin sees. Does he see the exhaustion brought on by sleepless nights? Endless nights where he lies awake in his cold lonely empty bed. He’s not restless, there’s no tossing and turning. He just lies on his back and stares into the darkness. But darkness is not what he sees. It’s her. Always her. Her face in that moment when she finally learned the truth. How her eyes filled to the brim with disappointment and hurt. He had, however, seen both in her eyes before. It was the look of utter betrayal that became his undoing. And now it comes to haunt him every night. It stares at him, mocks him through the darkness.  

Can Engin see the weight on his shoulders? The weight that never lifted even though the truth is out.  

Serkan is actually curious to find out what it is his friend sees on his face and in his eyes, but he never gets to ask the question because Engin’s attention switches somewhere behind Serkan. And Serkan doesn’t need to turn to know what, or rather who, Engin has noticed.  

“This was definitely a bad idea,” Engin mutters under his breath yet again and rises from his seat to greet two people approaching their table.  

“Hello, Efe! Welcome!”  

“Thank you, Engin! Good to see you.”  

Efe comes into Serkan’s line of vision and gives him a cold nod, “Serkan.” 

“Efe,” Serkan’s responds shortly while he hears Engin say, “Edacım, I am so happy to see you!”  

And that’s when he hears her , “It’s good to see you too, Engin.”  

Serkan’s eyes close on an exhale as he tries to soak up the sound of her voice. Because it’s like the living water, like balm to the wound, like all the best music pieces wrapped in one.  

And then... then he sees her. She walks around Efe to take a seat next to him and opposite Serkan.  

God, she is divine.  

Her dark silky hair is down, its soft waves framing her face. Her face is almost free of any makeup (it’s not like she needs it anyway) save for some mascara on her naturally long lashes and a nude lip gloss. She’s wearing a black jacket with a plain white shirt underneath.  

She’s lost weight, he notices and his brows furrow in concern.  

She avoids looking at him and focuses on pulling some folders out of her bag.  

Efe’s voice pulls Serkan from his entranced perusal.  

“Eda and I finished our part of the project. The rest is on your team. Our drawings and plans are all here.”  

Efe takes the folders Eda has taken out of her bag and hands them to Serkan.  

“Shall we order something? Discussing business on an empty stomach is never a good idea,” Engin suggests with forced cheerfulness.  

While Serkan appreciates his friend’s attempt at relieving some of the tension, it doesn’t really help.  

“Why not? Good idea. What do you think, Edacım? Are you hungry?”  

Serkan cringes internally at the sweetness in Efe’s voice. And what’s with the “Edacım”? Yet again? What kind of closeness is this?  

“Err... No, not really,” Eda mutters. Still, she picks up her menu and scans it distractedly. She has yet to meet Serkan’s eyes. She’s been effectively avoiding looking in his general direction so far.  

A waiter comes up to their table and asks if they’re ready to order. Serkan’s watching Eda while Engin and Efe are placing their lunch orders.  

“And for you, Miss?” the waiter asks Eda politely. 

"I'll... I’ll have a smoothie.”  

Serkan snorts at that in amusement because only Eda Yıldız can order a smoothie while at a business lunch.  

Eda’s eyes zero in on him. Finally. He’s got her attention. Even if her eyes are throwing daggers she’s looking at him and that’s all that matters. He feels like he can breathe again for the first time in the last month.  

“Can I have the one with strawberries?" she asks pointedly, all the while glaring at Serkan. "What’s its name?”   

“Tropical Paradise?” the waiter asks. 

“Yes, that one.”  

The waiter turns to Serkan. 

“What can I get for you, Sir?”  

“I’ll have the same as the lady, please. Only, do not add strawberries.”   

"Yes, of course.”  

Just as the waiter leaves, Engin whispers into Serkan’s ear, “A smoothie? Serkan Bolat ordering a smoothie at a business lunch? Really?”  

“Yes, Engin, really! And what’s wrong with smoothie? It’s healthy!” he whisper-yells in response.  

The next fifteen minutes or so pass in a conversation revolving around their current project, with Efe and Engin doing most of the talking. Eda makes several comments here and there while Serkan... Well, Serkan just revels in her presence. The waiter comes and goes, bringing their orders. Serkan barely registers that his smoothie has been placed in front of him. He picks up the glass without even looking at it, his eyes following Eda’s every move instead. He takes a sip. It tastes a bit strange but he shrugs it off and continues watching Eda who has now raised her glass to her lips. Her brows furrow after she swallows a bit of the smoothie. She runs a tip of her tongue over her upper lip and Serkan’s mouth suddenly goes dry. He grabs at his glass blindly and gulps down the rest of its contents. It doesn’t help, though. Instead his throat feels even tighter. He lets out an uncomfortable cough and Eda’s eyes fly to him. There’s something in her eyes that makes it hard to breathe. Serkan moves to pull at his tie. He sees Eda hauntingly look at the glass in her hand, then at his empty glass and his next breath gets stuck in his swollen throat. It registers that he cannot feel his tongue and his vision blurs. He does notice, however, how Eda’s eyes widen in panic.  

“Serkan!”  

“Abi?” 

“What’s going on? What’s wrong?”  

“Engin, call the ambulance, now!”  

He feels a soft warm hand on his face when everything goes dark. 

________________

He comes to slowly. His eyelids are heavy and, while he’s struggling to lift them, he registers a subtle medical smell, the monotonous beeping of a heart monitor, weight on his right arm, and on his left, a warm touch of someone’s hand.  

He manages to crack an eye open and tries to get through the horrid feeling that his mouth is full of cotton wool in order to mumble, “Water.”  

There’s immediate movement to his left and he hears his best friend’s voice, “Oh, thank god, Abicim! You’ve given us quite a scare!”  

The weight on his right arm is gone and his mother’s excited exclamation fills the air, “Canım benim, you’re awake!”  

Serkan opens both of his eyes fully and sees two happy but still concerned faces hovering over him.  

“Water?” he croaks out again.  

“Oh, of course, canım!” his mother exclaims and disappears from his line of vision.  

In the next moment, there is a straw at his lips and he takes a sip through it.  

“Eda?”  

“She stayed here the whole night, refused to leave your side. Only in the morning did we manage to convince her to go home, take a shower and change. She left about fifteen minutes ago, promised to be back soon,” Aydan says with fondness and squeezes his hand.

“She saved your life there, Abi. Pulled out an EpiPen from her purse and injected you before the ambulance even arrived. It could’ve already been too late by the time they came.” As Engin is telling him all this Serkan can hear a tremor and lingering worry in his friend’s voice.  

“I’m... fine,” he tries to reassure both Engin and his mom.  

“Yes, you are, canım. Thanks to Eda. God, I don’t know what we would do without her. She’s our guardian angel,” Aydan says with so much love that Serkan’s heart swells.  

He feels warmth spread through his whole body at the knowledge that Eda still secretly carries an EpiPen with her even though they’re broken up; even though it felt awfully final when she had walked away from him after having learned the truth about her parents’ death.  

Can it be that she still loves him, misses him, thinks and worries about him? Wonders about the way he loves her oh so deeply and misses her so desperately? The way he thinks about her constantly?  

“When... when can I go home?” he barely manages to finish the question and starts coughing.  

His mother quickly offers him some more water, “Here, drink this, my dear.” 

“I’m going to go get the doctor and he’ll tell us if you’re ready to be discharged,” says Engin and leaves the hospital room.  

The doctor comes and informs them all that Serkan is okay, but that it’d be better to stay under medical supervision till the next morning. Not a big fan of hospitals, Serkan, however, insists on getting the hell out of there. He’s ready to sign all the necessary papers and leave within the scope of his personal responsibility. The doctor agrees to release him on the condition that he will stay at home and in bed, with someone to look after him. Once that’s settled, Engin and Aydan Hanım leave Serkan to change into his clothes.

_________________

The three of them get into Aydan’s retro car. Engin is behind the wheel, Serkan takes the passenger seat and his mother gets comfortable in the back. When they’re on the road Serkan pulls out his phone, opens his call log and his thumb hovers over Eda’s name. Engin glances at him and asks, “Want to call Eda and tell her not to come back to the hospital?”  

“Oh, dear, no need to call Eda,” his mother chimes in from the back. 

“What? Why?” Serkan questions with a hint of fear. 

“Because I have already called her and told her we’re bringing you home. She’ll meet us there.”  

“She... she’s coming?” 

“Of course she’s coming!”

The warm feeling is back and a subtle smile pulls at his lips. He’s impatient to get home because the sooner they get there, the sooner he sees Eda. Serkan’s patience is tested when they get stuck in a traffic jam. It takes forever to get to Serkan’s house and he fears that Eda has already arrived and is forced to wait at the door. Or worse – she just left when she saw that no one was at home. So he gets anxious when they finally make it to his apartment and there’s no Eda waiting at the door.  

“I should... we should call Eda. Somebody call Eda. Mom, call her, tell her we’re here, ask her where she is.” Serkan knows that he’s practically spiralling but he just cannot help himself. 

“Tabii, canım. Calm down. I will call Eda. But first let’s get you comfortable. Remember what the doctor said? You need rest.”  

His mother ignores his grumbling and makes him settle on one of the couches in the spacious living room. Aydan Hanım and Engin start fussing over him and Serkan is just about to lose it when they hear a knock. He’s ready to jump and rush to the door but his mother beats him to it. She greets Eda with excited squeals and hugs. Once Aydan Hanım lets go of Eda she comes more fully into his line of vision. The second he sees her, Serkan feels his whole body relax. He starts breathing more easily now that she’s right there, coming closer and closer, looking at him with soft and worried eyes.  

"Eda," he all but whispers because he's afraid that if he raises his voice she might actually disappear, like an illusion.

"Serkan. How are you feeling?" 

"I am fine. Thanks to you." 

She shrugs it off as if it’s not a big deal.  

“I am glad you’re okay. I was... I was worried,��� she confesses softly and her eyes get clouded with the said worry. 

“I am alright. I promise. And the doctor said there’s nothing to worry about,” he reassures her.  

She nods and then lifts a box that Serkan just now notices in her hands.  

“I’ve got you something. Should help your body regain its strength. Also calms the mind.”  

“Another one of your magic teas?” he teases with a small smile. 

He’s relieved to see her smile in return and nod. She moves to the kitchen area and busies herself with preparing the herbs for his tea and he... he’s just watching her. He’s so entranced and enchanted by her that it takes him quite some time to realise that they’re alone. He looks around and asks in confusion, “Where... where are my mother and Engin?” 

“They left about ten minutes ago. I started making your tea and they said their goodbyes. Did you not hear them leave?”  

“I... I guess I got a bit distracted,” he mumbles, ears lightly tinted red with embarrassment.  

Eda looks at him as if she wants to say something, but clearly decides against it as she shakes her head. She takes a steaming mug into her hands and silently moves towards him, joining him on the couch. She arranges the cushions around Serkan and once he’s settled, she offers him the mug. For the next few minutes they just sit in a surprisingly comfortable silence, with Serkan sipping his tea and Eda watching him from the corner of her eye.  

It’s Serkan who breaks the silence, then, “Can I ask you something?”  

Eda looks at him for a moment, nods, and says, “Ask.” 

“If you had known that I’d be okay in the end, that I wouldn’t die tonight, would you still be here?” asks Serkan, his voice tinted with all the vulnerability in the world.  

“I knew you’d be alright.” Eda’s reply comes swift and determined.  

“Öyle mi? Nasıl bu kadar emin olabildin?”  

She looks around the room, unsure whether she should carry on the conversation, and slightly afraid. However, because she’s Eda, she then breathes in deeply, stares right in to his eyes and says, “Because how can you die when there is still so much left for us to talk about? So many places to explore together? So many beautiful homes and gardens to make together? How can you die before we even get to the part where we make an entire life for you and me, together? Before we’ve loved each other to death?  Mümkün değil. You cannot die before we’ve lived forever together. Ben sana deli gibi aşık oldum, Serkan Bolat. You can’t leave until I say so.”  

Her long lashes are wet from tears that are steadily dripping down her face, while Serkan is stunned into a silence he doesn’t feel like he can break. Or that he wants to break, really, because it’s not the sort of heavy silence that feels like it’s crushing him. It’s the kind that surrounds him in all its soothing calmness and warmth; the kind of silence that promises peace and happiness. The kind that is so full of love it makes him feel he’s about to burst at the seams, but his shoulders have never felt lighter. And it’s the best thing he has ever felt in his life.  

So, he just nods silently, unaware that he too has tears sliding down his face, and opens up his arms for Eda. Always for her. She embraces him, fits in his arms like the missing piece of a puzzle and he feels complete, like never before. And then in a gentle, soft whisper – soft because he doesn’t want to break the tranquil silence and oh-so soft because it’s meant for Eda only – he says, “Seni her zaman çok seveceğim, Eda Yıldız.” 

Later, once he’s back to his sharp self, Serkan is going to wonder how he got here. How he got so fortunate to be back to a good place with Eda, exactly where he wanted to be. How something that could very well kill him, ended up saving his life by bringing his peri kizi back to him. And he’s going to think how a thing so small as a strawberry held so much power. Who would’ve thought Serkan Bolat would ever be thankful for strawberries? 

Translations!

Öyle mi? Nasıl bu kadar emin olabildin? / Is that so? How could you be so sure?

Ben sana deli gibi aşık oldum, Serkan Bolat. / I fell madly in love with you, Serkan Bolat.

Seni her zaman çok seveceğim, Eda Yıldız. / I will always love you, Eda Yildiz.

[ghost-town-story]

Find the Word Tag

Thanks for the tag @hottubraccoon! (you tagged my main (written-in-starlight), but I’m answering it over here lol)

Words: purple, gentle, rage, welcome

Purple (Nova)

As he turned to Aydan though, Aydan gasped. His cheek was mottled red, starting to purple in places.

“What happened?”

Basil gingerly touched his cheek. “Fuck,” he sighed. “I forgot about that. That would explain the concerned look the barista was giving me when I got my coffee.”

Gentle (Astral Part 1)

“Close your eyes,” the man ordered.

Aiden did so.

“You’re lucky I was able to drug him into complacency,” the man snarled, then he said something in a low voice Aiden couldn’t quite catch. Aiden felt a gentle pressure behind his eyes, almost like a headache, but not quite.

The pressure vanished, and Aiden blinked, the past conversation between the two forgotten. “I—what happened?” he mumbled. Something felt… off. What had just happened? Why was he pulling a blank?

The man in front of him tsked. “That head wound must be more serious than we initially thought.”

Right, Aiden had just been told about that. But what else were they talking about? And Danielle…

Aiden turned to the girl, who was still standing by the door. She steadfastly avoided Aiden’s gaze.

Rage (Nova)

As Jay stood, Allison apparently snapped out of whatever shock she had fallen into. “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

“Going to fix all the messes you’ve made!” Jay retorted. “Keep pressure on his chest, and make sure he stays alive. He has to stay alive.”

“You think you can tell me what to do, you—”

“Do it Mom!”

Allison stopped short, her rage melting into shock in a fraction of a second. Jay had no time to deal with her bullshit though, as the pain in his chest grew, creeping along his lungs and making them burn with every breath.

Welcome (Astral Part 1)

Aiden’s attention was caught by the small balls of light floating around and illuminating the tent. He reached out and touched one, and it flared red and gold before turning back to white. Aiden cupped it in his hands, marveling at the silky heat that brushed his skin and lit up the crystal in his palm.

He was startled out of his quiet wonder by somebody speaking. “Welcome back Ashe.”

I’ll tag @emelkae, @aalinaaaaaa, @kiss-my-aquari-ass, and anybody else who wants to! Your words will be luck, regret, blue, and heat.

[originalhybridloverfics-backup]

You're Not Here and Everything Hurts - Part Four

Aydan used a key to let herself into Serkan’s apartment. 

Sirius sat at the top of the stair barking loudly, over and over. 

“Eda?” Aydan called out, wondering where she was. 

She had been trying to get a hold of her since the morning. When she kept getting Eda’s voicemail, it worried her. 

Finding out that she had called in sick and no one had heard from her since, sent warning bells off in Aydan’s head. She didn’t hesitate getting into her car and driving here. She didn’t even wait for Seyfi. 

“Eda?” she called out again, walking further in, looking toward the stairs as Sirius’ barks got louder and more insistent with the sound of Eda’s name. 

A feeling of foreboding filled Aydan as she began climbing the stairs. 

When she reached the top, Sirius ran toward the closed bedroom door, scratching at it, his claws ruining the paint on the door. 

Aydan turned the doorknob and pushed the door open. 

Sirius bolted for the bed and pushed at Eda’s hand, that dangled off the side of the bed with his head. 

“Eda?” Aydan whispered. As she drew closer, she saw the paleness of Eda’s skin, the blue of her lips. 

Aydan gasped, her hand going to her mouth. She stumbled forward, tripping over her own high-heeled feet. 

She pushed herself up onto the edge of the bed with a cry and placed her hands over Eda’s heart. She could barely feel it beating. 

“Eda!” she placed shaking fingers on Eda’s neck. Her pulse was weak and thready. 

Aydan fell back onto the floor and scrambled for her phone in her purse and called for help. “My daughter-in-law is barely breathing!” Aydan rattled off the address, her eyes going everywhere and stopping on the empty pill bag on the table. 

She snatched it up. “I think she took something.” 

Aydan listened as the operator asked her to remain calm and that help was on the way. 

“I can’t be calm!” Aydan scream in the phone. “She’s dying!” 

The operator asked her to stay on the phone, but her hands were shaking so bad as Sirius began whining loudly. 

It felt like hours, but only minutes passed before she could hear that help had arrived downstairs. 

“Upstairs!” she pushed to her feet and ran to the doorway. “She’s in here.” 

Two paramedics rushed in and Aydan fell back against her door, feeling like the walls were closing in on her as she watched them try to help Eda.

Aydan pressed her hands to her chest, praying that it wasn’t too late. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

Eda woke to the sounds of a hospital monitor, the smell of disinfectant, white walls. 

Tears came to her eyes and coursed down her cheeks. 

She was supposed to see Serkan again, be reunited with her little girl. 

It was supposed to be over. 

She was a prisoner in this life she no longer wanted, and she just wanted it to end. 

Was that too much to ask?

“Eda?”

Eda turned her head to see Aydan sitting beside her and Eda thought the other woman looked more a mess than she had ever seen her. Her hair hung limply, the dress she wore had wrinkles and the bags beneath her eyes were prominent. 

“Aydan? What are you doing here?” Eda asked. “Why am I in the hospital?” 

Aydan stood and clasped Eda’s hand in hers. “I think you know why you’re here. You tried to kill yourself.” 

Eda pulled at her hand, but her body felt weak and Aydan held on tightly. “How am I here?”

“I was worried. I found you unresponsive on Serkan’s bed.” Tears filled Aydan’s eyes. “How could you do this, Eda?”

“I want to be with him. Is that so wrong? I love your son with every part of me and being here without him is torture beyond measure.” Eda turned her head away from Aydan angrily, as tears slipped down her cheeks. 

“It’s not wrong. I loved him too, and I miss him more than I can ever put into words.” Aydan pressed her hand against Eda’s cheek and turned her back to her. “I am so tired of losing my children. I have lost both my sons. A parent isn’t supposed to outlive their children, but here I stand, still here. I have endured so much loss, don’t make me endure losing my daughter, too.” 

Eda sucked her breath in, her frame shaking. 

“I know I wasn’t welcoming to you when we met, but I got to know you and you helped me and you brought my son to life. You became the closest thing I have ever had to a daughter and when you married my son. It became official. Serkan may be gone, but you are still my daughter. We’re family and I am here for you.”

Eda cried silently at her words. “It’s too hard. At least this way, all the pain will finally be over and I can see him again. For real this time.”

“What do you mean?” Aydan asked. 

“I’ve been taking this drug for months that allows me to see him and feel him.” Eda confessed. “It’s the only thing that has been getting me through the days.”

“Then why would you try to end it all if this drug is like a cheat sheet?” Aydan didn’t condone Eda’s drug use or actions, but she was trying to understand. 

“Because Doruk, he wants more than money from me for the drug and I don’t want to give in, but it terrifies what I am willing to do just to see Serkan. At least this way, I would never have to part with him again.” 

“No one has the right to ask that of you for anything, but more importantly, in your desire to reunite with Serkan, have you even considered how the rest of us will feel if something were to happen to you? Your family?” 

“No one is here but you.” Eda shook her head. “I have pushed everyone away. No one cares. All they care about is if I keep Art Life afloat.” 

“You are wrong.” Aydan shook her head sadly. “Everyone who loves you is here. Every single day for the past three days, that waiting room out there has been filled with everyone who has ever loved you. Ayfer, Seyfi, Melo, Ceren, Fifi, Layla, Engin, Piril, even Erdem. Look around this room Eda and you will see you have so many people who care about you and are willing to be your strength, your pillars, if you will only let all of us.” 

Eda slowly gave the room another look over. The hospital tray was filled with get-well cards and the windowsill was covered in flowers. Vase after vase lined up. 

“I don’t want to hurt anyone.” Eda shook her head, tears filling her eyes. “I don’t know how to get through this. I’m not as strong as you are. I can’t survive losing Serkan, losing my child.” 

Aydan's heart broke seeing Eda break down. She let go of Eda's hand and slid into the bed next to her, pulling the crying woman into her arms. 

Eda curled into Aydan, burying her head into Aydan’s shoulder, feeling like she was holding onto the only thing left of Serkan. His mother. 

Aydan felt her own frame shake silently with tears as she held Eda and ran her hand up and down her arm soothingly. “It’s hard to see it now, but it’s going to be okay. I’ve been where you are. There was a time I wanted nothing more than to die. Death is an easy escape from grief, but it’s not the answer. A piece of our souls is already dead. There is no reason to finish the job.”

“I miss him so much.” Eda cried. “I wish it was me instead of him.” 

“I know.” Aydan felt the tears slide down her cheeks. “Every day of Serkan’s battle, I prayed that I could take his place, but life doesn’t work that way. Serkan’s gone and we’re still here. It’s hard and cruel and unfair, but it’s our life. Serkan’s not here, but we can honor him by living our lives for him.”

Eda felt Aydan’s words in her soul, knowing that is what Serkan wanted from her and she hadn’t been keeping to her promise. 

“I can’t promise this is going to get easier, but Eda, I can promise you aren’t alone. Serkan is here with us. As long as we are living, so is he. I’m not here to judge you, Eda, for how you dealt with your pain. We all grieve in our own way. I want us to lean on each other in our darkest moments. I want to help you get to a good place. A place where you want to live. I want to help you get back to being the amazing girl who made me see past my shallow judgements, the girl who my son loved with every fiber of his being, the woman who would’ve been an amazing mother to my grandchild given the chance.” 

“She’s lost,” Eda whispered shakily. Her chest hurt, her entire body ached. 

“Then let’s find her together.” Aydan pressed her lips into Eda’s hair. A motherly gesture. 

There was something about Aydan’s words and the motherly gesture that triggered something in Eda to crack open. “Please, don’t let me drown in this. I don’t want to feel like this. Don’t let go of me.” 

“Never,” Aydan tightened her arm around her. “We are in this together, and I will be with you every step of the way. I promise.” 

Eda had no more words and held tighter to Aydan, her tears soaking the shoulder of Aydan’s dress.

And that was how Seyfi found them half an hour later. 

Aydan stroked Eda’s hair as the younger woman slept tucked into her side. 

Seyfi smiled sadly and quietly took the seat next to Eda’s bed. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

When Eda woke again, it was because she felt someone's hands on her arm. She opened her eyes to see a doctor next to her bed. 

She looked around the room and saw that her aunt and Melo were there, this time along with Aydan and Seyfi. 

Eda slowly reached out her hand to Aydan, breathing shakily when Aydan took it, clasping tightly to her hand and leaning forward to press a kiss to her temple. 

“It’s going to be okay,” Aydan whispered for Eda’s ears only. 

“It’s good to see you awake, Ms. Yildiz-Bolat.” The Doctor agreed. “I’m Dr. Ersoy, and I’ve been handling your care.” he looked at the other people around the room. “Would you like to speak privately?”

Eda looked around the room, and she shook her head. “You can speak in front of my family.” 

“I would like to keep you for a few more days with observation. While you appear to be perfectly fine, tests have shown that the drugs you’ve been using have caused damage to your heart.” 

Eda felt nothing with this news, not fear or regret, but she felt Aydan squeeze her hand, seeing her aunt move closer, wringing her hands, Melo attempting to cover her gasp. 

“The drug you have been taking is a relatively new drug, and it’s not the first time someone has been brought in on an overdose with it. In my opinion, you are lucky to be here now. If you have been found later, I don’t think there would’ve been anything we could’ve done. As it is now, we need to assess the damage done and take things from there.” 

“Can the damage be reversed?” Ayfer stepped forward. She reached her hand toward Eda, but Eda didn’t want to let go of Aydan’s and held tighter to it. 

“Unfortunately, I’m afraid not. I have seen cases where this drug has caused heart failure. That doesn’t appear to be the case here, but there appears to be damage to her heart valve and her heart is working twice as hard in comparison to a healthy person her age. Further testing is what I would like to do to determine the best course of action. I will consult with our head of cardiology on the matter. I assure you, Mrs. Yildiz-Bolat, you will get the best care. In addition, I would like for you to talk to our psychiatrist.”

“I would like my family doctor to handle her case regarding her mental health.” Aydan interjected, “If that’s okay with Eda, of course.” 

“Eda needs-”

“It’s okay,” Eda cut off her aunt, agreeing with Aydan. 

“I will be back in a little while to check up on you and have you set up for more test.” 

Eda nodded. “Thank you.”

“What were you thinking, Eda?” Ayfer demanded. “Drugs? Have you lost your mind?!” 

“Ayfer, Eda made a mistake.” Melo interjected. 

“It was not a mistake, it was a choice.” Ayfer argued, her tone ringing clear with disapproval. 

“Ms. Eda is hurting,” Seyfi interjected. “She needs support,”

“We would all be hurting right now if she had succeeded!” Ayfer snapped. “If it wasn’t for Aydan, we would have to bury her next to Serkan.” 

Eda shrunk back. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” Ayfer demanded. “Don’t hold you accountable for being selfish and stupid?!” 

“That is enough.” Aydan said firmly, leveling a glare at Ayfer. “Eda doesn’t need your disapproval and judgment. You think this is helping her? You are only going to make things worse. If you can’t put aside your anger and disappointment and offer your support, I don’t think you should be here.” 

“Eda is my niece, my family, not yours. I know what she needs, and it’s not to be coddled.” Ayfer retorted. 

“I think you should go,” It hurt to say the words but her aunt's words, her disappointment and disapproval was like a fist to Eda’s chest making her feel worse, physically, mentally, emotionally and she honestly didn’t know how much more she could take.

Ayfer stared hard at her niece and shook her head in disbelief and walked out. 

“I’m sorry,” Melo apologized. “I’ll talk to her.” 

Melo quickly followed after Ayfer. 

“Can I get you anything?” Seyfi asked Eda. 

Eda shook her head, and he took a step back, clasping his hands together. 

Aydan brushed Eda’s hair back and smiled down at her tenderly. “We’re going to get through this.”

“Together?” Eda asked. It killed her not to have her aunt’s support, but she felt connected to Aydan, who was nothing but supportive and understood the pain of losing Serkan, of losing a child, and understanding the battles she was facing. 

Aydan’s eyes filled with unshed tears. “Together.”

Eda nodded shakily. “Thank you.” 

“You never have to thank me. It’s what family does.” Aydan promised. 

Eda offered a barely there smile. It was the best she could do, but she hoped it was enough to convey how grateful she was for everything Aydan said, for saving her life, for being her rock, her pillar, when all she felt was lost and alone. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

The next few days weren’t easy. Eda endured test after test until the doctor had placed her on a heart-healthy diet, heart meds. For now, they were going to monitor her situation. 

Aydan’s family therapist had come to see Eda in the hospital and they agreed that Eda at her current state shouldn’t be living alone. She needed support and stability. 

Aydan readily offered Eda to come live with her for as long as she needed. 

Eda instinctively wanted to reject the kind offer. It had become almost second nature to push people away.

She fought against it, knowing she needed to try, and with Aydan, it felt easier. She felt like she understood and she wasn’t being judged. 

She wasn’t a disappointment. She wasn’t failing and falling short of expectations.. 

By the time they released Eda from the hospital, Aydan had all of Eda’s stuff moved to Serkan’s home on the Bolat property. With the help of the girls and Seyfi, Aydan had arranged everything to Eda’s liking while also leaving everything of Serkan’s on the off chance Eda didn’t want that to change. 

Sirius was there to greet her like the first time Serkan had brought her there. Eda rubbed the top of his head and he trailed in after her as he followed her inside. 

Aydan. Seyfi and Melo hovered behind her, hoping she didn’t hate it. 

It was as Eda remembered and different at the same time. Her things decorated the room even as Serkan’s stuff remained, leaving touches of him in the home. 

Eda thought it would pain her to see his things when she was trying to survive grieving him, but it was strangely comforting.

Eda turned to Aydan and wrapped her arms around her. 

The contact surprised Aydan at first, but she quickly returned the hug. 

“Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Aydan pulled back and smiled. “This is your home for as long as you need it to be.” 

Eda looked around at the little touches of Serkan. She had so many memories of Serkan here from the beginning of their story. “And if I never want to leave?”

“Then it will always be your home.” Aydan released her and gripped her hands firmly. “This is now your home as much as it is mine,”

Eda squeezed her hands back and moved further in. 

“We’ll let you get settled in, but if you need anything, you know where to find me.” Aydan moved toward the door with Seyfi as Eda took a seat on the couch. Sirius wasted no time jumping up beside her. 

Melo hovered in the doorway. “Eda?”

Eda looked up. 

“Can I stay? I just would really like to spend time with you.” Melo rushed to say. “I miss you.” 

Eda nodded, and she urged Sirius to move to the other end of the couch. Eda scooted over and patted the spot she was previously been in. 

Melo smiled, relieved, and took the seat, and Eda leaned into her friend. 

“I’m sorry,” Eda murmured, taking her friend’s hand in hers. 

“No, don’t be.” Melo squeezed her hand back. “You are hurting. I just want to do what I can to help. How can I help? Tell me and I’ll do it.”

“Just sit with me.” Eda said, leaning her head on Melo’s shoulder. 

“I can do that.” Melo smiled, relieved Eda wasn’t pushing her away. 

“Do you need anything?” Seyfi asked, standing in the doorway expectantly. “Drinks? Food? Anything at all?”

“No,” Eda shook her head. 

After Seyfi and Aydan left, Melo started chattering about her day, Erdem driving her up the wall. Anything and everything to distract her. 

Eda smiled faintly, letting the sound of her friend’s voice to override the voice in her head, telling her that she needed to go to Serkan. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

Aydan awoke to the sound of incessant barking. It was almost three in the morning. 

Realizing it was Sirius and the last time he had barked like that, Aydan was rushing through her home and outside across to Serkan’s, now Eda’s place. As she got closer, she could hear Eda crying out. She burst through the door. 

She had no time to consider how Sirius had gotten outside on his own. 

Eda was asleep on the couch, her body twisting and turning, her hands tearing at her hair, tears streaming down her face. 

Aydan knew you weren’t supposed to wake someone up from the middle of a nightmare, but she couldn’t take seeing Eda in that kind of pain. Aydan drop to her knees next to the couch and shook Eda awake. 

It took a few moments, but then Eda was jolting up her hand over her heart as she sobbed, her frame shaking. 

“Shh, shh, it’s okay.” Aydan moved to sit on the edge of the couch and pulled Eda into her arms. “It was just a nightmare.” 

Eda shook her head even as she clutched at Aydan, needing something to hold on to. “It wasn’t. Every time I go to sleep, I relive Serkan’s death, the death of our baby.” 

“You relive the night you lost them?” Aydan couldn’t imagine how horrible that must be. It was no wonder Eda had trouble sleeping. 

“I relive their deaths in different ways: car accident, a fire, wrong place, wrong time. The result is always the same: Serkan dies and my grief, my agony kills our baby and I am left completely and utterly alone, covered in their blood. Lost.” Eda sucked in a ragged breath. “God, I am so tired, and sleeping doesn’t help. It only exhausts me more.” 

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Aydan asked, wiping Eda’s tears away. 

“No, the only thing that ever helped was…”

“The drug?” Aydan concluded.

Eda nodded and swung her legs over the couch slowly. “I’m sorry for disturbing you. You can go back to bed. I’m going to take a shower and try to relax.”

Aydan watched Eda silently disappear into Serkan’s bedroom. 

Aydan was still tired, but it felt wrong to leave now. Not when Eda clearly needed her. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

Eda stayed in the shower until the hot water ran cold. Towel dried her hair and pulled on a pair of Serkan’s boxers and one of his shirts. It hung off her frame, but she took comfort in his scent that still lingered on the fabric. 

When she stepped back out into the living room, she was expecting to find it empty and was surprised to see Aydan setting a tray on the table with drinks and snacks. 

“You didn’t have to do that.” Eda protested. “I know you must be tired.” 

“I don’t mind keeping you company. It can get lonely being here on your own.” Aydan took a seat on the couch. “Believe me, I know.” 

Eda sat next to her, accepting the tea Eda poured her. “Thank you.” 

“Always,” Eda poured herself a cup. “I was thinking tomorrow we can set a regular schedule for you to see Dr. Fusun and in the meantime we could look for someone to fill in for you at the company-”

“No, I don’t want that.” Eda protested. 

“Don’t want what? Therapy?” Aydan asked, confused. 

“No, I am fine with that and I know if I am going to get to a better place I need that, but I don’t want a replacement.”  

“Are you sure you can handle working there right now? The stress?” 

“It’s one of the few places that I still feel close to him. Being there helps and I want to do it for Serkan.” 

“Okay, whatever you need.” Aydan squeezed her hand. 

“I’m surprise Seyfi isn’t here.” Eda murmured. 

“He’s sleeping. I told him to get his rest.” Aydan gave a smile. “He has his hands full most of the day. He’s earned his down time.” 

“So have you. I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me.” Eda said gratefully. 

“Have you talked to your aunt?” Aydan wondered. 

“No, I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to face her judgment. She was never that fond of Serkan and doesn’t understand my grief.” Eda ran a finger over the rim of her cup. “When I am around her, I feel like I can’t grieve without her disapproval.” 

Aydan wrapped her arm around Eda’s shoulder and rubbed her arm. “Give it time. It will get better.” 

Eda nodded and leaned more into her. 

Eda finished her tea and set it on the table. “I’m sorry.” 

Aydan was confused. “Why are you sorry?”

“You're grieving too. I can hear it when you say his name. You have that same look in your eyes that I do, yet here you are holding me up, being this amazing support system.” 

“Believe it or not, but helping you, having you here, helps me. I feel connected to Serkan when you are near.” Aydan smiled sadly. “Maybe the best way for us to get to a better place is by helping each other.”

“And I’m sorry that I lost your grandchild.” Eda's lip trembled. 

Aydan tucked Eda into her side. “That is not your fault. You did everything you could. It’s heartbreaking that you lost your child, but I take comfort knowing my grandchild is with his father.”

“Me too,” Eda murmured. She grieved for her baby as much as she grieved for Serkan. Still, there was something comforting about knowing neither Serkan nor her child were alone in death because they had each other.

The two women fell silent, taking comfort in one another. Eda finished her tea and fought off a yawn. 

“Do you want me to go so you can try to get some rest?” Aydan asked. 

“Can you do something for me?” Eda asked tentatively. 

“Anything.” Aydan said without hesitation. 

Eda reached behind the couch cushion, pulling out the copy of The Little Prince she kept there. “Can you read this to me until I fall asleep?” 

Aydan accepted the book, tears filling her eyes when she saw what book it was. “I would love to.”

Aydan opened the book to what she thought was a bookmark, but was a picture of Eda and Serkan's first engagement. When they shared their first dance. Aydan ran her fingers over the picture reverently, seeing the look in her son’s eyes in the picture. She didn’t know how she couldn’t see how he felt about Eda from the very beginning. 

A picture really said a thousand words. 

“Serkan had the habit of using photographs as bookmarks.” Eda smiled faintly. “He said that was one of his favorite pictures of us together. 

“I can see why,” Aydan murmured. “You looked good together.” 

Eda got comfortable on the couch, leaning into Aydan as she opened the book and slowly began to read.

As she listened to Aydan read the first words of the book, Eda prayed she was exhausted enough to not have another nightmare. 

Aydan was only a few pages in when she felt Eda’s breath even out as she fell asleep. 

Aydan gently closed the book and set it aside. She grabbed a throw pillow and slowly eased off the couch, moving Eda to lie down and slipping the pillow beneath her head, covering Eda up with the blanket off the back of the couch. 

Aydan turned out the lights and watched as Sirius curled on the floor next to Eda before making her way back to her home.

She slid into her own bed with a heavy heart; she turned her head to look at the picture of Serkan she kept beside her bed. A tear slipped out of her eye. “Be happy wherever you are. I promise Eda will never be alone. She will always be welcomed here.”

She touches her fingers to the photo and tried to get back to sleep. 

Eda woke up the next morning rested and for once, without the insistence of drugs, was able to sleep without nightmares. 

She didn’t exactly feel good, but she felt better than she had in weeks. 

She got ready for the day and didn’t count the hours for it to be over. 

She had breakfast with Aydan and Seyfi. She went into work at Art Life. She had lunch with Melo and Ceren. 

She attended a doctor’s appointment she would have forgotten if Aydan didn’t arrive with Seyfi to remind her. She had regular checkups for her heart and so far the doctor was happy with how she was sticking to the diet and doing her best to not get over stressed and taking care of herself.

It was a good day. 

She curled up on the couch that night and read ‘The Little Prince’ until she couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore. Again, to her relief, she slept without nightmares. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Eda started seeing Dr. Fusun three times a week. The doctor eased her into talking, starting off small. Talking about her hobbies, things she like and things she didn’t. Her ambitions, dreams, what it was like to run a company. As their sessions progressed, so did their discussions, her parents’ deaths, the anger she still carried for her grandmother, her fear of enclosed spaces.

When they talked about how she met Serkan, it was hard, but talking about how they fell in love, reliving it. There was something cathartic about it. 

The sessions got harder as they talked about when Serkan got sick and his fight against his illness. 

“You never told him about the baby?” Dr. Fusun asked. There was no judgment in her voice. 

“I was going to. It was so early in the pregnancy and I didn’t want to put him under more stress.” Eda swallowed. “I thought he was going to beat it and I could tell him before I started showing. I could picture him being so happy without the fear of death hanging over his head.” 

“Did Serkan want children?”

“Yes,” Eda nodded. “We both did. We wanted to have a son and a daughter.” 

“Do you blame yourself for your miscarriage?” Dr. Fusun asked. 

“Yes.” Eda answered honestly. “The baby was healthy. I was healthy but my grief when I lost Serkan was so strong it consumed me and my body couldn’t handle it and that killed my baby.”

“I don’t think it’s your fault. We all handle grief differently. And sometimes when we love, it makes up who we are, it's natural that it devastated you beyond rationality.” Dr. Fusun continued. “Do you regret loving Serkan?”

“No,” Eda’s answer was immediate. “Loving Serkan is the best thing I have ever done. He came into my life and changed it. He always said I brought him to life, but he did the same for me. It was never one sided. He lit a fire inside of me and together we burned brightly like a torch that couldn’t go out.”

“Do you think you will ever love again?” 

Eda felt her heart constrict at the words. It was a question she wasn’t ready to answer, even though she knew what her answer would be. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

Eda found herself at Serkan’s grave. She didn’t think she would ever have the strength to come back here, but here she was. 

Every day, with the help of therapy, Aydan and Melo, she felt like she was slowly making it to a good place. A better one. It helped that she knew Serkan would have wanted that for her. 

Eda knelt in the grass in front of his headstone, brushing the leaves away and placing a dozen white roses in front of the stone. 

“I didn’t think I would ever be strong enough to come back here.” Eda’s voice wavered. “I’m sorry. I haven’t come to visit. It’s not that I don’t miss you because I do. I miss you more than I knew was humanly possible. It hasn’t been easy living without you.” Eda paused, gathering her thoughts and trying to stay in control of her emotions with slow, steady breaths. “I promised you I would try to be happy for you and in the beginning, I didn’t follow through with that promise. It’s just seemed so impossible. It still does. How can I feel any semblance of happiness when you’re gone but I’m trying now. I promise, I’m trying.” 

Eda's eyes grew wet. “There’s something I never got to tell you and now I wish I had. I was pregnant. When your cancer went into remission, I was going to tell you, but that didn’t happen. I was in so much pain when I lost you. It was too much for the baby. I lost her. I’m not certain, it was a girl, but I keep having these dreams with you and a little girl. She looks just like me, but she’s all you. In my dreams, we called her Kiraz. She always smells just like cherries.” 

A tear escaped Eda’s eyes, and she brushed it away. “I hope you’re together now. Hopefully, on the day we are reunited, I will get to see her.” Eda’s voice trembled. “God, this is so hard. “I want to make you proud. I want to live up to all your expectations. I want to be the woman you fell in love with. Happy, bright eyed, full of life, colors and positivity, but ‘m not sure I can anymore. I think she died when you did and now I am left with this shell of a person of who I used to be.” 

A strong breeze wafted through the air and Eda could have sworn it felt like arms wrapping around her. 

She smiled faintly, not sure if she believed if the dead could interact with the living, but if they could, she would like to think Serkan was trying to comfort her in his own way. 

“Your mom has been a godsend through everything. She lost her son and her grandchild, but here she is being the shoulder I lean on, making sure I am okay and I am not alone. She saved my life. Literally. She is saving my life constantly. She’s become my pillar and without her, I don’t think I would still be here. I don’t think she is aware of how strong she is or how grateful I am for her.” Eda gave a laugh. “You would love how close we have become.”

Eda smiled tapered off, and she wiped at her damp cheeks. “I am ashamed to admit, but I have done things that have put my health in jeopardy since your death. My desperation to see you, be with you was just so strong. It consumed me.” Eda placed a hand over her heart as she felt a sharp pain. It was something she came accustomed to after getting out of the hospital. “Every day I wake up and life isn’t what I expected it to be.”

Eda exhaled shakily. “You’re not here and everything hurts. It doesn’t matter what I do, it always hurts. I don’t think that is ever going to change.”

Eda dropped her hand away from her chest as the pain that came and went became dull, tempering off. “I’ll keep trying to be happy. To live for you and our daughter. I promise.”

Eda pressed two fingers to her lips and then pressed it to the headstone. “I don’t know when I will be back to visit. It’s so hard to be here, knowing you're gone when you should be beside me, but I want you to know even when I don’t visit, I am always thinking of you. Every single day, every hour. You are always in my thoughts and in everything that I do. Always.” Eda stood, her eyes full of sorrow, lips trembling, her next words were carried in the wind. 

“I love you, Serkan Bolat.” 

The wind blew, making her hair circle around her, drying the tears on her cheeks. It felt like a caress and Eda liked to think it was Serkan whispering the words back to her. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

For the next few months, Eda focused on her recovery and taking care of Art Life. 

Her therapy was going well enough so that she only had one session a week. 

Eda turned all her focus on Art Life, keeping her mind distracted. Anytime she felt like she couldn’t take it anymore. Eda would double down on her work. 

Becoming a workaholic wasn’t the healthiest coping mechanism, but it did her well and Art Life reaped the benefits. Art Life and the holding were doing better than it ever had before. Eda was attending gala’s and charity dinners, meeting with big clients and doing international projects. 

The media still asked her personal questions but benefited from interviewing her for her success and how far she had come. 

Eda could not bring herself to visit Serkan again. 

Her relationship with her aunt had become strenuous. It disappointed Ayfer how Eda had handled everything, and she resented that she moved in with Aydan instead of reaching out to her own family. She disliked that Eda had focused solely on her work and accused her of becoming just like Serkan. 

A workaholic first, feelings and family second. 

Eda wanted to repair her relationship with her aunt but felt it impossible because somehow her aunt still found a way to blame Serkan for everything even though he was gone. And that was something Eda would not tolerate, not even from the woman who raised her. 

It was a line that could not be crossed. 

Everything was going well, but then she notice Sirius was growing sick. She took him to the vet only to find out he had a tumor.

It was a sick joke the world was playing on her. Eda was certain of it. 

Having the last piece of Serkan she had, Sirius. Sick. dying, just like he did had everything coming rushing back. 

It was a catalyst for her. She desperately needed to see Serkan, be close to him, hear his voice, feel his touch. 

And God, did her heart hurt. 

It hurt so damn much. 

Physically and emotionally. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

Eda had to leave Sirius at the vet. He was having the tumor removed. 

Eda didn’t want to leave, but they were going to keep him for observation for the next few days while he recovers from the surgery. 

Eda didn’t want to leave him, but she felt like she was on the verge of a breakdown.

Eda drove down the road, the familiar pain in her chest intensifying and only growing stronger until it was excruciating. 

It became blinding, her hand clutched at her chest, her breaths uneven. 

The pain was so distracting; she missed her turn and ended up wrapping her car around a telephone pole. 

Eda could hear screaming and screeching cars, but it all faded away as she lost consciousness, feeling something warm dripped down the side of her face from her hairline. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Aydan thought she was done getting calls that had her heart dropping to her stomach. 

She was wrong. 

She rushed into the hospital, Seyfi hot on her heels. “Where’s my daughter-in-law? She was brought in from a vehicle accident.” 

“Calm down, what is her name?” the receptionist asked calmly. 

“Eda Yildiz Bolat.” Aydan’s voice shook. “Is she okay?”

The receptionist looked Eda up in her system, then turned back to Aydan with a sympathetic look. “She was taken into surgery shortly after being brought in. Once she is out of surgery, a doctor will come and talk to you.”

“Have you called her aunt?” Aydan asked. 

“I’m sorry but no, you were the only one marked as her emergency contact.” the receptionist responded. 

It touched Aydan that Eda had placed her as her emergency contact, but she wished Eda would have told her as it were, it overwhelmed her with emotion. 

Slowly she walked to the emergency waiting room, Seyfi taking a seat beside her. 

When she felt calm enough, Aydan called Ayfer to inform the other woman of Eda’s condition, as Seyfi made calls to inform Eda’s friends. 

Ayfer was distraught and wracked with guilt when she came through the doors twenty minutes later, crying, scared that she could never make things right with Eda. 

It wasn’t long before Eda’s friends and co-workers were flooding the waiting room. 

Aydan sat back, wringing her hands, forced to wait, terrified of losing the only family she had left. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

Everything was dark for Eda until it wasn’t.

There was this bright light, a small tinkering laugh. 

The laugh of a child. A baby.

Eda’s heart pounded in her chest. 

“You remind me so much of your mother.” 

She knew that voice better than she knew her own and she had yearned to hear it again.

Her feet were moving before she was even aware of it. 

Stepping into the light, she appeared in a garden. The sun was beating down, flowers brightened the space with colors, the sweet smells permitting the air. 

A baby sat on a blanket playing, clapping her hands gleefully as Sirius ran circles around the baby, causing the girl to go into fits of giggles. Especially when Sirius licks her face in excitement. 

Serkan watched from a few feet away, a smile pulling at his lips.

Eda stared at what she knew to be her family. 

Serkan's eyes turned to her, and his smile widened. Eda held her breath as he walked toward her. 

“Love,” he took her face in his hands. “What are you doing here?”

“I missed you.” Tears filled Eda’s eyes, feeling his touch, his warmth, having him so close. 

“I miss you too, but you’re not supposed to be here.” he leaned forward and kissed her tears away. “It’s too soon.”

“I don’t care.” Eda shook her head and grasped his cheeks, bringing his mouth to hers in a kiss she has been longing for months. 

Serkan lips moved against her and she surrendered to the feeling of home and belonging it instilled in her. 

Serkan leaned his forehead against hers. “I care. Eda, I care.”

Eda pulled back to look at him, her hands resting on his neck, feeling the strong pulse, the warmth of his skin. “I’m meant to be wherever you are.” 

“Not yet, you aren’t.” Serkan tucked her hair behind her ear. “You have so much more life to live.”

“But everything I want is here,” Eda protested. “Serkan, I don’t want to go back. I want to be here with you, with our daughter. Our family. Don’t you want forever with me?” 

“I do, but our forever doesn’t start now.” Serkan leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. 

It was so tender, sweet and loving, Eda felt warmth spread through her body, calming her down from an impending breakdown. 

“You have a life to live and you are going to do amazing things. There’s so much you haven’t done, haven’t experienced, and I want that for you. I want you to live your life to the fullest and when it’s really time, I will be here waiting to start our forever with the family we have built together.” 

“I don’t think I can,” Eda shook her head. “I’m not strong enough to go on without you.” 

“You are and you will.” Serkan cupped her face. “You are the strongest person I know. And you promised me and you have always been a woman of your word. Do this for me, please. Live your life, be happy and know Kiraz and I are always with you.” 

“Can I hold her before I go?” Eda asked, turning her head to look at the little baby. 

Serkan smiled and took her hand and lowered them to the grass with the baby. 

As Eda took the baby in her arms, Sirius settled next to Serkan, encouraging to scratch him behind the ears. 

Eda held the baby close to her chest, smiling softly as the baby reached up to tangle her tiny little fingers in her hair. “She's gorgeous.”

“Like her mother,” Serkan said, wrapping his arm around Eda. 

“Kiraz? That’s her name, isn’t it?” Eda questioned. 

“It is. She always smells like cherries.” Serkan said,

Eda smiled and grinned at the baby. “Hello, Kiraz. I’m your mom and I love you so much.” 

Eda felt her heart expand with unconditional love as Kiraz laid her head against her chest, her little fingers curling into the fabric of her shirt. 

Serkan tucked her into his side and leaned over to press a kiss to Kiraz's temple, and when Eda turned to smile at him, he pressed his lips to hers. “We’ll have this when we start our forever.” 

“Promise?” Eda needed the reassurance that if she went back, if she did as he asked, she would still one day have this. 

“I promise,” he vowed. 

Eda nodded and leaned forward, kissing him deeply. 

Serkan leaned his forehead against hers. “I love you.” 

Eda closed her eyes, savoring the moment, the closeness, Sirius against her legs, the weight of her baby resting against her chest, the feel of Serkan, the warmth of his words. 

If she could just hold on to this moment, Eda believed she would be okay if this was her reward. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

Eda’s eyes fluttered open, and it did not surprise her to see Aydan at her bedside. She was asleep with her hand in hers. 

Eda squeezed it and Aydan’s eyes fluttered opened. 

It took her a moment to realize why she woke up, but when she felt Eda squeeze her hand again; she woke fully, her eyes on Eda. 

“Hey,” Eda murmured. 

Aydan quickly got to her feet and moved forward to hug her gently. 

“What happened?” Eda asked. 

Aydan wiped at her eyes. “You had a heart attack while driving, you got a little banged up and the doctor’s had to perform surgery to repair the damage.”

“A heart attack?” Eda knew her heart was damaged, but not to this extent. 

“I’ll go get the doctor. He’ll explain everything better than I can.” Aydan squeezed her hand and rushed out of the room. 

A few seconds later it opened, and it surprised her to see her aunt come through the door, her eyes bloodshot from crying. “Eda?”

“What are you doing here?” Eda wondered. Her aunt had acted like she wanted nothing to do with her as long as she insisted on grieving the loss of Serkan. 

“I’m sorry.” Ayfer stopped at her side and gripped her hand tightly. “I’m so sorry, Eda. For everything. I haven’t been supportive and I’m sorry. I couldn’t handle seeing you in pain and being able to do nothing about it. It was easier to try to control how you grieve, and that was wrong of me. I’m sorry.”

“Aunt -”

“Please, I need to say this. I was terrified when Aydan told me what happened.” A sob tore from Ayfer. “I thought I would never get the chance to fix things with you. I’m sorry I didn’t try to understand where you were coming from and being angry that you were doing what was best for you. I’m sorry. I love you so much and the thought of losing you…” 

“I know,” Eda said. She squeezed her hand around Ayfer’s. “I love you, too. You're my family.” 

Ayfer smiled and moved to hug Eda. Melo chose that moment to slip into the room, waiting for Ayfer to be done before moving in for a hug herself. 

It was only a few moments later Aydan returned with the Doctor. 

Eda listened carefully as he explained the damage the heart attack caused to her heart. They had lost her for a few minutes during surgery but he expected her to make a full recovery but she had a long road ahead of her and that changes would need to be made to prevent it from happening again. 

“What about Sirius?” Eda asked when her doctor had left. 

“Seyfi picked him up yesterday.” Aydan assured her. “He’s with him now, seeing to his recovery. The vet is very optimistic about his condition.” 

Eda smiled, relieved. “I can’t lose him, too.” 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

Eda spent the next two weeks in the hospital. Aydan never left her side. Aydan took her home when she was released from the hospital. 

Eda was happy to be home with Sirius again, who was thrilled to see her. 

Aydan fussed around her as she got comfortable on the couch, Sirius cuddling into her side. Seyfi was preparing her a heart healthy lunch. 

“Do you need anything?” Aydan asked, moving to sit in the chair angled across from the couch. 

“No, I’m good.“ Eda smiled softly at her. “Thank you for being here.” 

Aydan felt a warmth spread through her, seeing Eda smile for the first time in a really long time. “There’s something different about you.” 

“Bad different?” Eda questioned, brow furrowing. 

“No,” Aydan smiled. “Good different. You seem more peaceful. More you.” 

“I know now that Serkan is always with me and I’ll be with him and our daughter again one day.” Eda looked at the picture of her and Serkan on the table. “That day is just not today.” 

Aydan wasn’t sure what to say, but she was glad that Eda seemed to be in a relatively good place. 

“The doctor said they lost me for a minute during the surgery.” Eda told Aydan. “I think I died for just a moment because I saw him. I stepped into the light and Serkan was waiting for me in a garden with our beautiful daughter. He promised me, one day we will start our forever and he will wait for that day and until that day comes he will always be with me.” 

Tears came to Aydan’s eyes, and Eda reached out for Aydan’s hand. “Was he happy?” 

“Yes.” Eda smiled tearfully. “I’m going to be okay.” she squeezed Aydan’s hand. “We’re going to be okay.” 

Aydan smiled, returning Eda’s smile. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

When Eda felt strong enough, she took Sirius for a walk around the property. 

The sun was setting, pink, and orange hues covered the sky. 

Her breath caught in her throat as she caught sight of Serkan in the setting sun. 

He smiled that warm smile of his that he reserved especially for her, and she smiled. Her smile didn’t dim as the image of him faded. 

He was with her, and she could feel his presence in her heart. 

It was exactly what she needed to get through this life until the day came for them to start their forever. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

Eda kept her promise to Serkan over the next few years. She lived her life. She laughed and smiled with her family and friends. 

She made a name for herself, running Art Life and the Holding. She became sought after for her talented designs. 

When Sirius passed, she had a setback but knew that when she reunited with her family, he would be there. 

Life without Serkan was hard, but Eda made it work. She was at peace with her life and awaited the day she would be with him. 

That day came sooner than she thought it would. 

Just four years after Serkan’s death, Eda went into complete heart failure. 

Aydan was certain that Eda’s heart had given out because of her broken heart. There was only so much one heart could take and Eda’s had been through more than one heart ever should. 

Her family and friends buried her next to Serkan. It was a sad day, but they took comfort: she was where she was meant to be. 

With Serkan. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

When Eda walked into the light for the second and final time, the tinkling laugh of a little girl greeted her.

She followed the sound and found herself in a large, beautiful garden. 

A little girl who was her spitting image ran through the grass, laughing as Sirius chased her, nipping at her heels. 

“You’re even more beautiful than I remember.” 

Eda whirled around. Serkan was standing behind her, a bright smile lighting up his face. 

Eda didn’t hesitate to pull him to her, kissing him deeply. 

Serkan’s arms came around her, his body wrapping around hers, holding her tightly to him.

Eda kissed him until she was breathless, and even then, she refused to let go. 

“God, I miss that.” Serkan said, his voice hoarse with longing. 

“Does forever start now?” Eda asked, eyes locked with his beautiful green ones.

“Yes,” Serkan cupped her cheek. “And it’s going to be beautiful.”

Eda smiled brightly, feeling nothing but love and happiness as Serkan laced their fingers together and led her over to their family. 

Eda tightened her hand in Serkan’s and leaned her head on his shoulder. 

Kiraz looked up, her smile as bright as the sun. She ran forward with her arms open toward Eda. 

Eda released Serkan’s hand and knelt in the grass, catching the little girl in her arms. 

“Mommy! I’ve been waiting for you.” 

Eda held her tightly in her arms. “I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere.”

Serkan smiled, pressing a hand to Kiraz’s back and kissing Eda’s cheek. 

Sirius barked happily at their heels. 

Eda grinned brightly. Her family was with her. She was at peace. She was happy. She is where she was always meant to be. 

With the love of her life and the beautiful little girl they created from their love. 

The past no longer mattered. She finally got her forever and that was all she needed.

[solivaggant]

Plotted starter for @pastchronicled

----

Oaklynn did not know where she was let alone where she was running to. She barely even knew the paths she had taken in her wild, desperate race from the small, half dilapidated apartment she had called home just an hour before. The only thing she knew was what she was running from: blood pooling on a turquoise rug, meaty fingers clutching a gun so tightly the knuckles turned white, a too still body on the bedroom floor, too rapid breaths as she stared down the barrel of the gun, a look of wild rage in the eyes of a man barely familiar to her.

If it was not for her brother, she would not even be running down this back alley street at three in the morning. She might have slept soundly in her room, unaware of the carnage. She probably would have died that way, but Aydan had woken her. He had pulled her from her bed, pushed her out the window onto the fire escape, and placed herself between her and the man before them. She could still feel the warmth of his blood splattered across her face.

Oaklynn did not know where she was going, who to ask for help, if the man was following her. All she could do was run and run and run until she couldn't anymore, until the man caught up to her, or...until someone stepped from nowhere into her path. Unable to stop in time, she has no real choice - no time to even make a choice - but to run right into them. She falls backwards, her hands barely flying back in time to catch her. Oaklynn barely registers the impact radiating through her hands and wrists.

For a moment, wide hazel eyes simply stare up at the face before her. Her mouth gaped, her chest heaving with her own quick breaths. It was not the man, thank God, but a woman. Oaklynn did not take the time to recognize much else about her. She had to keep moving or he would find her. So, she stands, circling a single fist in front of her chest in a motion she's sure the other woman won't recognize as an apology, and moves to step around her.